#like...ok...i think i might need to reflect on that.
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heliianth · 2 days ago
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when you say that nanika is a reflection of killua’s “worst traits”, what do you mean by that exactly? :O
genuinely asking bc i’m super interested and curious !!
ok so.... while trying my hardest not to be reductive, Killua and Nanika occupy very similar social spaces. But before we can get there, I kind of want to lay down the groundwork first.
Here's Illumi (un)helpfully expositing Killua's self-image—the one he spends his entire arc desperately running away from—for us:
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Killua's narrative has a lot to do with dehumanization and questions about nature—whether somebody can choose who they are or whether their circumstances decide for them, what makes a human being, all that juicy stuff. He's almost a soft launch for what the series forces us to consider later in the CAA, which is so rife with questions about instinct, nature, humanity, and evolution that trying to navigate its character web without running into a Killua foil is like trying to walk in the rain without getting wet.
Nanika is, like the ultimate escalation of this same thing—when it comes to Killua and questions of nature, she's the final boss. Nanika (or, our initial impression of her, what we are invited via framing to think first) is almost a manifestation—a literalization—of what Killua is scared of being.
I say that because, like... what is Nanika? What do other characters see her as?
Nonhuman
Extremely dangerous by nature
Valuable due to the services she can provide
Ostracized by both the Zoldyck family (Killua is singled out as the golden child) and the outside world—meaning, not entirely belonging to any defined social group, and unable to fully fit in
A dark counterpart to a comparatively sweet, bright, and innocent personality (Alluka)
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All 5 of these points hit very literally onto sore points of Killua's psyche. At least subconsciously, in some way, these are all things Killua thinks about himself; he recognizes them in Nanika because the way his family reacts to her is the way "outsiders" react to him. And he ends up dehumanizing her the exact way he dehumanizes himself—we know because he ends up unintentionally using Silva's words of being his son (positing Killua as an extension of himself, indicating similar mindsets) as an appeal during negotiations:
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(Some English translations don't even use Nanika because it literally means "something")
That's what I mean when I say they occupy similar social spaces, or are part of the same social group. And Killua treats her accordingly—as in, he projects:
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(elaboration on that last example here)*
Killua even ends up projecting traits onto Nanika he isn’t self-aware enough to realize he has.
For example, Killua thinks of love as a very lopsided and conditional transaction in which, due to his negative social identity group, he needs to perform something adequately in order to earn. And he assumes Nanika thinks the same way:
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This aspect of the way Killua treats his sisters is consistently tricky for me to articulate because Killua doesn't end up treating her meanly or even think of Nanika poorly because of these projections—a lot of this is subconscious, Killua doesn't even realize he's doing it at first—which is what you might expect from someone who recognizes reasons for self-hatred in someone else.
I think this is simply because, at the end of the day, all of these negative assessments are still about himself—only about only his own emotions, his own internalized judgement. It’s not at all about Nanika. She's still a separate entity, someone in need of Killua's protection, so Killua can't hate her like he hates himself.
*In fact, Killua wants the best for her, wants people to love her as a part of Alluka which can be good, like he sees his own ugly traits. He even refuses to take advantage of her dangerous abilities, like he doesn’t want his own to be taken advantage of. Its projection of what he wants for himself onto Nanika—acceptance and love even if she is some Inhuman Dangerous Thing.
I can sort of infer this because Killua becomes confrontational with Illumi specifically when it comes to denying Nanika/Alluka personhood in a way he only does when Illumi is denying Killua personhood, which implies to me that Illumi doing it to Nanika/Alluka vicariously feels like another personal attack (which he can actually retaliate against now without that fuckass needle in his brain).
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And just in case you weren't convinced, we do know this is projection because Killua kind of just admits it (lol):
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I want to yap a little more about this but I'll put it under a readmore because it's kind of off topic. So if you just wanted answers for why I think Nanika is such a strong parallel to Killua, then you already have them lol
This scene (the one pictured above the readmore) sometimes cracks me up because of Killua’s reaction—the way he immediately slaps his cheeks and blames everything on Illumi. It’s a sort of comedic reaction to such a heartfelt (and extremely brave) ultimatum on Alluka’s end. I’ve seen some people think it’s just Killua wanting to defuse the argument, to get Alluka to listen to him so he can start to apologize correctly. But I don’t think that’s true, I think this reaction and the way he immediately brings up Illumi is a genuine realization on his end—after all, Illumi's name or presence is kind of a visual, verbal, and narrative shorthand for Killua's insecurities and the self-image he's clawing himself away from.
Up until now, Killua's never really thought about Alluka and Nanika as their own people, whether that be them separately or even just Alluka by herself. He never gave them real agency; not because he’s physically carrying them and not because he's not asking what they want, but because he’s just projecting that hard. Alluka is also tangled up in his feelings about his childhood (and Gon, as another facet of his projecting and also just as a consequence of the reason why he's rescuing them in the first place), and Nanika seemed to give her so much trouble—in the same way Killua’s own undesirable traits give him trouble—that I don’t think it literally ever occurred to him that Alluka could have a different opinion than he does.
I think Killua assumed Alluka would react to the news of Nanika needing to go away the same way he reacted to the news of him needing to leave Gon—with pained acceptance. That situation is a direct parallel to the dilemma of putting Nanika to sleep. But instead Alluka YELLS at him, and it forces him into realizing that his idea of his sister(s) was wrong. They aren’t the same person as him, his projection was unfounded, and he hurt them because of it.
Which is why he only realizes that his fear of Illumi was influencing the way he was acting then, because now he can actually look at them and see anything but his own reflection.
These pieces of dialogue: “I've been afraid of Illumi for so long... I got scared... and said some horrible things to you,” really do kind of say everything don’t they? He saw Nanika just like he sees himself, he wanted for her and thought about her this way for everything: both the good (wanting her to belong somewhere, to be safe) and the bad (the dehumanization, the deprioritization).
Killua can recognize that now, and apologize for doing that to her. For being a bad big brother.
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And not only does doing this help him actually empathize with Nanika and Alluka as people whose experiences are unique from his, but Alluka’s reaction also demonstrates to Killua a self-love that isn’t reliant on the outlier model established in the Hunter Exam by Illumi and reinforced by Killua throughout the CAA (particularly echoed in the "You are light" scene, in which he directly steals 眩しすぎて out of Illumi's mouth).
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As a side note, these two chapters are named Light and Darkness and Light and Shadow respectively—Gon being "light" (the novelty, the outlier) both times.
Alluka loves Nanika—her “darkness”—enough to cut off the outlier (Killua) if he doesn’t love her the same. Seeing someone he puts in the exact same ingroup as him so shamelessly love Nanika, in whom Killua recognizes things he hates about himself, actually gets through to him (whereas Gon’s previous affections couldn’t because he saw Gon as so fundamentally different).
It’s extremely important that Killua asks for this forgiveness. In the hospital, when he was talking to Gon through the window, we can see Killua knows the importance of apologies. He failed Gon, so saving him would be Killua’s apology. And Gon failed Killua too, so saying “sorry” would be his apology for that. It’s less about roles now, not about values or groups—less about Killua being useful and Gon being light—it’s more about actions.
For Alluka and Nanika, “big brother” was the role he felt guilty for not fulfilling—a catalyst for his projections onto them. Now he’s confronted with real proof of this failure and he doesn’t end up breaking over it like he might've before. Instead he apologizes because, due to Nanika, he knows Alluka loves unconditionally. And he trusts her, trusts her judgement of him, and trusts that he’s lovable enough to be accepted by her despite his failure.
Overall, I think it's really important that Nanika is introduced to the audience as a scary unknown, and that our first impression is slowly dissolved over time. It's a pervasive pattern in all the characters meant to ask questions of nature—Killua himself, the Chimera Ants, Palm, even the Phantom Troupe. Togashi is, like, deeply concerned with humanization and I think it's awesome because you get these narrative threads like the one with Nanika and Killua, where his doubts about himself and his own ability to love or be loved are narratively answered via giving or receiving compassion for/from someone else. In this way Hunter x Hunter tells us that proof of humanity is the capacity for connection. And isn't that something to think about?
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morganski-19 · 2 days ago
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This the second part to my post about the Buck and Tommy break up scene, focusing on Buck's mindset on all of this.
This relationship was new, and exciting, but what new relationship isn't? Just because this is the first relationship with a man doesn't discount his excitement for being in a new relationship. It doesn't mean that Buck is in this relationship just because Tommy was the person who helped him realize he was bisexual.
However, that also doesn't mean that what Tommy said isn't true, in a way.
Buck is still figuring out who he is. Which is very much ok. Sexuality is something that is so hard to figure out, especially when you discover it later in life. It might take a while to fully unpack that, and figure out what that means for you.
And I think Buck attributed all of that growth within himself to this relationship. Much like how he attributed a lot of his growth while dating Abby to that relationship.
Relationships can help us grow as people, however, it is what we do to help ourselves grow that is the reason we change. Not the person, no the relationship, not the outward motivation to want to do better. A person can have all of that and never change. It is up to the person themselves to determine if they are going to change.
With Abby, Buck had the support to grow, to transform. I think he forgets that it was him who pumped the breaks when Abby first called him, it was him who hit the gas when he knew he wasn't going to fall back into old habits. It was Buck that grew because he wanted to, not because of Abby.
The same can be said with Tommy. Yes, Buck didn't know he was bisexual before Tommy. It was after that first kiss that he realized he liked men. However, again, it was himself that worked through that. It was himself that decided to explore this part of himself. Tommy made it very clear in the beginning of their relationship that he didn't think Buck was ready. Buck chose to show him that he was. Buck chose to reach out again and keep trying.
It wasn't Tommy that transformed Buck, much like it wasn't Abby that transformed Buck. It was all him.
And then Buck did what Buck does best and made an impulsive decision before he was ready because he thinks that's what he needs to do to gain affection. He feels like he has to make these big actions, especially after he feels he did something wrong, to be heard, to be seen. He's begging for Tommy to know that he's all in.
And it backfires. Tommy left, without a chance for Buck to explain himself properly. Bringing back that feeling of abandonment all over again.
I'd also like to address why I think Buck was never going to be the one to pull the plug on this relationship, and how it connects to everything I stated above.
I'd like to compare this to something that happened to a friend of mine. I'm going to keep is very brief for anonymity and privacy sake. Essentially, she knew that the relationship wasn't working but wanted to stay because he was her first. She felt indebted to him in a way, and thought that the connection they had was worth fighting for, even though she wasn't happy.
That's essentially what's happening here. Buck felt indebted to Abby, which is why he stayed so long even when it was clear the relationship was over. The same can be said with Tommy. He felt indebted to him because he helped Buck figure out something big about himself, and thought he needed to stay. Which is why he wouldn't have pulled the plug, as much as we all wanted him to.
I truly don't know where this is going to go for Buck, or how it's going to further the storyline. I have my hopes that it will allow for Buck to do some self reflection, and to continue to unpack his sexuality and what that means for him. And I can further hope that he can unpack what Tommy said, and realize why Tommy wasn't going to be his last. But other than that, it was just the same tune of someone abandoning Buck suddenly without any warning, and I'm tired of hearing it.
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featherymainffins · 1 month ago
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Surreal experience: scrolling through Tumblr.
I see a recommended blog.
The user uses the name of a character as their blog name and said character's sprite as the profile pic.
For some reason this doesn't get processed in my brain.
"Oh hey dude" I say, as if seeing a flesh and blood mutual I'm good friends with.
I finish processing what just happened.
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3416 · 6 months ago
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finally watching keefe's entire media availability from the other day and reflecting, and it makes me so sad, lol. love or hate keefe, he was brought in to be the contrast to mike babcock... to be calmer and bring more respect in his interpersonal relationships with the players, and i think he did a great job of that. i don't think he lost the room, i just think the leafs need to see a different kind of coaching... different system... to give them the best chance to advance in the playoffs with the way the team's constructed, but you can't watch that media availability and say he doesn't care or wasn't trying or is a bad temperament to coach this team. his whole approach WAS to listen to the players needs and be a calmer presence, and i've enjoyed that a lot about him. i know some people don't love that he handles accountability player to player differently, but i think that's a mature way to go about it knowing he has different kinds of relationships with them all, and they all care abt the privacy of those methods to different degrees. all of these core guys have had insane seasons being coached by him, and that's not nothing... i'm onboard with the idea that change is needed, but i like keefe a lot as a person, and i think he was a great choice to pivot to post-babcock, regardless of the playoff outcomes. hope he finds success elsewhere in the league if he is gone....
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roxynugget · 9 months ago
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Guys, please, Tango doesn't consider himself a builder in the same way Michelangelo might not consider himself a painter* (see tags). You can accept you're very good at two things, and still consider yourself better at one over the other. It's not negative talk when he calls himself a redstone guy.
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yusufstits · 2 years ago
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thinking about nile having nightmares and not being able to sleep post london and then being very tired during the day and taking naps on whoever's around
#like. my heart aches for her thinking about what she's going through after london#debating whether it's safe to contact her family and knowing she'll outlive them and could put them in danger if she does contact them#her friends completely ostracizing her after she came back to life#(once again. what the fuck they should have been so happy??)#so she's completely separated from her former life and is dealing with that loss#the trauma of killing and being killed#like given that she had nightmares about the man she killed in afghanistan i imagine she would also have nightmares a#about the people she killed during the rescue#and this would bring up a lot of complicated emotions and possibly a bit of identity crisis/self reflection on her being a marine#all of this plus being dropped into a group of people who've known each other for hundreds of years + mortal andy - exiled booker#anyway... she is going through a Lot#but: going back to “tell us” i think they would try to take care of her#and talk about her nightmares#(but also. there might be reluctance from nile to share or joe/nicky/andy to ask when she wakes up gasping#because what if she dreamt of quynh. like that's a whole other dimension - do they want to hear about it because it means she's alive#or do they not want to think of her dying over and over. i imagine nile would wrestle with this at first)#ok i got off track the point is. nile taking naps on andy nicky and joe and being comforted. i think that would be nice for her and everyon#there is a lot happening emotionally and andy has to heal physically and they all need to heal emotionally#so. naptime#sorry these tags are so long lol i had more thoughts than i thought#the old guard
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asiancyborg · 1 year ago
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do u guys kno. just how much i screwed myself over
#BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE NORMAL?????#listen. listen. i could have just. asked to take two weeks off when i first got the job. but i was scared they wouldn't give me the job#if i told them right off the bat#and so i waited a decent amount of time to tell them. and then i was going to tell them. but i got scared thinking that they might fire me#or it would reflect badly on me and i haven't had the job for even 3 months yet and i have a performance review at the end of the 3 months#and the thing i am scared of most in the world is when people who are in positions of authority over me express disapproval#so i was just like. ok i guess i'm not going on this trip that's been planned for over a year and for my grandmas 80th#i will just be so sad and miserable about it and make it everyone else's problem#and then. and then. finally. 2 weeks left until everyone leaves for the trip and i finally bring it up to my coworkers being like#oh yea my whole entire family is going on a big trip without me and i'm rlly sad that i can't go#and they looked at me like. why cant u go? and i was like. what do u mean? cuz i'm new i don't have rights#and they were like. what is wrong with u#and i looked at them and said literally everything#listennnn there is a corporate heirarchy and i am at the bottom of the ladder#i know my place and i'm so used to groveling and begging oh my god i need to get a grip pls#am i normal#please tell me cuz i can't tell is. it normal to be this scared and frightened all the time#like. am i the only one who thinks this way.
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manwithoutaspleen · 1 year ago
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more transition rambling
as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.
every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile
it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.
and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.
transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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roughentumble · 2 years ago
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you know, considering my own kinks, i need to be a lot less harsh on things like wattpad kidnapping-based romances. the problem isnt that its Morally Bad Oooooo Corrupting The Youth, the problem is that the writing is absolute shit. and i need to remember that sometimes
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senseless-blabbering · 3 months ago
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kind of very personal reflection in the tags about health and fear of death i guess
#really sucks when someone keeps going with unhealthy behaviors#and when the body suddenly breaks or suddenly gives extremely alarming signs it might already be too late to act#because 'but i was fine before'#one of the top reasons why i have done my best despite stress and arguing and everything going on to keep moving#keep hiking keep walking more than an hour a day keep eating even if i don't like it#managing stress and prioritizing myself some extents more#yeah i was 'fine' before. but i wasn't realizing i was slowly starting to kill myself. a young body won't tell you shit. it will compensate#until it suddenly can't anymore#just saw a video of a content creator i follow who suddenly got scared of their body giving up on them#and is now changing their lifestyle. which is great. but it's sad for me to see#because the body keeps score and catches up. it eventually does. and it's scary when it happens. and i wish i acted more for myself#anyway. i hope people look after themselves as much as they can and can afford#human body can snap its fingers and suddenly there's a huge problem that needs fixing. and it can be preventable#it can be easier. i don't want to fall ill because i push myself to extents my body can't follow. and i don't want people close to me to#risk the same. maybe it's selfish to want. but it's a bit of a reflection i've had buzzing in my head quite a while#and this video made me think actively on it again#i don't know when's the last time i'll see my aunt. she's 70 and morbidly obese and can barely walk. she needs medications and she can't#raise herself from her bed. i just don't want more family to go down that road. i want everyone to be ok and know that some things can be#easily prevented and looked after. yeah
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wardingshout · 5 months ago
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hi, i'm the anon who fell in love from before, and it's totally alright to post it! i'm very glad that you're feeling a little more at ease, and your well wishes mean a lot. thank you so much, too. i'm happy i got to say it to someone <3
I remembered I had this waiting too !! ;v; I actually got so occupied with family stuff I didn't get time to look at this properly (aside from the ok) until monday where we got new vaccine shots at work and it helped me think about smth else all over again so thank you again! ;v; and I'm happy that you enjoyed saying it too!
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weirdmageddon · 7 days ago
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i was thinking about this since i posted earlier about us needing to address the trend of gen z men being pulled into alt-right pipelines might have contributed to the outcome of this election.
i think contrapoints is really smart, and from what i’ve seen, has been way more effective at getting people out of harmful ideological pipelines than i’ve seen from the majority of leftists online who instead berate and drive a greater wedge of antipathy (though i understand why! and it can be very hard to have empathy for the people who see you as a threat). that antipathy makes the right more radicalized because they don’t feel like they can talk about anything without the “crazy lefties” who won’t even engage with them. where did these issues come from?
what i’ve noticed, and i’m even guilty of this, is that people don’t interact with groups of people whom they refuse talk to, which makes realities more hypothetical in the minds of their opponent since they aren’t open to seeing reality from their perspective. this is true on both sides. from what i’ve observed, it seems to originate from hypothetical perception of the opponent, but when people treat those perceptions as though they are real, it becomes real with their actions, which then makes the antipathy justified to someone. again, on both sides.
what makes contrapoints so successful at breaking this down is that is that she creates these socratic dialogue skits that represent real people and ideologies, has a sense of humor, isn’t afraid to discuss these things, reframes how we see these things by introducing nuance to both sides. she’s a leftist, but she also knows how to engage without ripening division, of meeting someone halfway and being completely humble about it. she is able to soften extremes.
she is able to get into the mind of people who aren’t aligned with her views, understand the nuance and rationales from a realistic perspective, breaking down a big block of “this is all bad” into “ok, some of this makes sense…”, what this does is create a space for self-reflection that doesn’t feel ham-fisted (which could otherwise cause people to double down on their beliefs instead of opening up to other perspectives outside of their bubble). while also being entertaining and well-produced on top of it.
youtube
what she is doing is creating these scenarios and socratic discussions that SHOULD be happening in real life but aren’t in this polarized social climate.
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i graduated from new college of florida this spring, the small liberal arts college that was in headlines across the country for ron desantis’s board of trustees hostile takeover and exodus of professors.
new students and student athletes from conservative walks of life were being basically incentivized to go there who were taught to fear the lgbt boogeyman growing up in their conservative communities. but once they actually interacted with lgbt students there, many of them they felt like they understood them, and they weren’t as bad as they were told they would be. new college of florida was also famous for getting derek black (child of the man who created stormfront, and godchild of the kkk grand wizard david duke) out of white nationalism. their peers at NCF called them out but also interacted with them, invited them to dinner. black wrote a book about it.
now of course some people are too far gone and you shouldn’t waste your time with them, like derek’s family for example. but i also think a lot of people who voted for trump are not informed, are operating off of emotion and knee-jerk mentality because it’s easier than thinking, and they are not seeing the discussions that need to be had to change their mind because fuckin…nobody is doing them.
and we feel this visceral disgust to people of the opposing party because of its associations. i just want to know how it happened and how we got to be like this. i think social media is partly to blame and also the algorithms that take people down dangerous pipelines and sharpen them, insulate them.
i myself understand the vitriol you might have for anyone that voted for trump. i feel so disappointed that half the people of this country voted against our collective benefit. and i’ve seen a lot of sentiment from the left today saying “every single person who voted for trump is dead to me. i disowned you”.
you can see the reality of trump’s demagoguery, and it’s so obvious, but what i want to know is: what do they see? why did they vote for him? emotion and entertainment travel faster and have more reach than reason. and it’s that’s why i think contrapoints’s videos are exemplary at tackling this ideological divide. this is something i’ve been thinking about for months before today and i thought now was a better time than ever to give my two cents on it.
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un-lawliet · 6 months ago
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“Overheard.”
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— in which you practice your confession to him, and he hears.
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“Satoru... I like you.”
Falling in love is hard.
You throw your head back in exasperation, a sigh pushing past your lips and into the emptiness of your room.
“Satoru,” You begin again, glaring at your reflection, “I think if the Earth exploded tommorow I would- No that’s pathetic!”
But falling in love with an enigma such as Satoru Gojo is harder.
Especially when he was your Co-Worker and friend, and not one for blind vulnerability in any capacity.
Something you were devastated by perfectly ok with!
You place your thumb in your mouth and chew on the nail, frustrated at your lack of articulation.
Your lingering stares, and pathetic attempts to subtly flirt with him, appeared to backfire in a mirage of deflection from the sorcerer.
Leading you to the bitter conclusion that your feelings were entirely unrequited.
And that’s fine.
Everything is fine.
You would be fine.
��
You turn back to the mirror, lifting your head up and throwing on a smile.
“Gojo- No- Satoru, me and you? What about it? You in?”
God. You sound insane.
Even worse you sound desperate.
You thought your feelings for Gojo would dissipate with time, that you would realise that they stemmed purely from admiration and would vanish as fast as they first appeared.
But as you grew closer to Gojo, your feelings grew too.
Culminating into him, holding your hand to reassure you after a mission went askew.
Holding it.
With no barriers. No infinity.
His hand was warm, the palm soft with years of fighting without touch.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it ‘kay?” He had said, cooing at you as you furiously wiped frustrated tears from your eyes.
“Just focus on getting stronger, yea? You’ll be fine.”
And now you were fantasising your confession to the man, like you were 16 years old again, pouting about an unreturned crush.
One touch and you’re helpless to your own feelings, your own heart.
How childish…
You shake your head.
What did it matter anyway? You were never going to say it to him, you can let yourself have your own, embarrassing fun.
You grin, and resume your position before the mirror.
“Satoru, I really, really like you.”
You tilt your head.
“No that sounds wrong..uh…Gojo I like you..like a lot- But you don’t need to say anything I just wanted you to know.”
Placing your hands on your hips, you assess out loud; “I wonder which one would sound better..”
“I liked the first one best.”
You nod, lost in thought, “Me too, sounds more person-”
.
.
.
Oh God.
Oh please God no.
Slowly, you move your eyes from your face in the reflection to the door, where Gojo stands, leaning against the frame, a smug look on his face.
Your face flushes and you almost trip over your heel as you spin to face him, eyes wide and mouth parted.
“G-Gojo!” You force out, your heart racing in your chest, your hands trembling against your sides.
He gestures, his sunglasses sliding down his nose ever so slightly with his movements.
“You not gonna continue?” He asks, like he didn’t almost just cause you heart palpitations, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
Your words fail you, and you’re left gaping at him, wishing the building would collapse and crush you beneath it, away from his stupidly pretty eyes.
He laughs, his face lighting up as he watches you flounder for a response, a reason, anything to justify your absurdism.
When you resort to turning back around, unable to face him, hoping he would just vanish from the room, he shakes his head and walks towards you.
“Hey.” Gojo says gently, pinching the skin of your shoulder lightly, trying to coax you into turning around.
“Y/N c’mon, Iook at me.”
You want to die.
You actually think you might just drop dead.
This was never the plan- You were never supposed to-
Gojo isn’t patient.
You remember this when you’re spun around to face him, nearly jumping at how close he is to you.
You find your voice amongst your apologies, and they fall out of you like water collecting rain.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say any of that, I was being stupid- Oh my God I’m so sorry.”
You hang your head in childish shame, refusing to meet his eyes.
Gojo finds himself frowning.
And your chin is raised back to his gaze by his fingers, an usually serious look in his eyes as he observes you.
“What are you apologising for hm?” He sticks out his tongue, “For falling for me?”
You push his chest, your face burning.
“Don’t say it like that.”
“What? It’s not true?”
“It’s not.”
Gojo blinks at you from over the top of his sunglasses, before taking his hand and patting your head.
“So if I ask you to join me for lunch…You’d say no?”
“What? No of course not!”
Your response is too fast, too desperate, and you freeze as he laughs, humiliated.
“I thought as much.” Gojo replies, leaning down to look you in your eyes.
And he’s so pretty up close, so earnestly perfect that you can barely stand it.
“Say it again yea?” He all but whispers, his voice devoid of cockiness, you’re almost certain he sounds as desperate as you.
You refuse to think too much.
“What?” You reply, dumbly.
“Your practice, I want to hear it again.”
“Gojo I-”
“Satoru.” He corrects, his eyes crinkling with his grin, you can feel his breath on your face and you hold yourself back from leaning towards him.
You’re silent for a moment, before he tilts his head, nodding at you to continue.
It’s ok.
“Satoru,” You start, breaking eye contact with him as you look down at your fidgeting hands, “I like you.”
And you feel so unbelievably childish, at your nerves.
You feel weak to his never failing gaze.
Until he pokes your nose softly with his finger, and leans down to reply, too close, he’s far too close.
“Yea?” He echoes, “You like me?”
You nod, helpless, “So much Satoru.”
And then you feel it.
His lips on yours.
Oh.
And it’s wonderful, it’s all consuming and it’s him.
And you kiss back, feeling his hands on your face, and encasing you, holding you.
Gojo tilts your head up, and you can’t help but gasp, letting him devour you.
He tastes of cherries and sugar, his mouth as warm as his grasp, as he brings you closer.
“God baby.” He mumbles into your mouth, “You have no idea.”
He sounds frantic you think.
You pull away to look at him, and giggle when he follows you, trying to recapture your lips with his, pouting, tracing the sides of your temples with a finger.
You’re both breathless.
And you take the opportunity to be bold.
You press a kiss to his jaw, ignoring the racing of your poor heart.
Gojo smirks, a dumb elated expression on his face as he pulls you into his chest, resting his chin on the top of yours. Blocking your view of his face as he whispers.
“Think it goes without saying.” You hear him say, slowly, “But I like you too Y/N.” He mocks, his voice soft.
And you cling to his shirt, and press your fingers into his back as a response, trying to mark him as yours instantaneously.
He laughs again, before pulling away to hold you at an arms length, looking down at you, his face beautiful, and yours.
“Lunch then? So we can talk about this properly?”
“I’d like that.” You say, your eyes in hearts.
He winks at you, and pulls you to walk with him, leading you out of the room.
You lean against him allowing yourself a moment of vindicated clarity.
He’s warm.
So, so warm.
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Feel free to leave a request <3
Masterlist <3
A/N- i hate my life. i’m trying not to spoil anything for anyone, but chapter 261 has ruined my life! i wrote this just to make myself better and because a lovely anon asked me to write something comforting and fluffy <3 thank u for reading i love u i love u i love u and i hope everyone is ok <3
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aishabbbb · 10 months ago
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You're just so cute!
Part 1 Strawhats x affectionate! reader Can be read as platonic or romantic Synopsis: You love giving out compliments, especially to your crew mates. Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp, and Nami
LUFFY
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Likes the compliments, especially after Nami berates him.
LOVES compliments on his strength the most, but will beam if you call him smart(since no one else does TT)
Call him pirate king or the greatest pirate and he'll fold immediately.
He is fine with it generally.
Except for being called cute.
Will 1000% pout about it, especially if you call him that in front of Usopp or Chopper cause he wants to be cool yk?
"I'm not cute! What type of pirate is cute!"
Eventually will come around to it begrudgingly(he secretly enjoys it), but will also say it back to you to get you annoyed.
Backfires so bad.
Will try to compliment you back but he kinda sucks.
"You smell like the best meat in the world!"
— Or he is actually very heartfelt and deep out of nowhere
"I love how your eyes dance with the stars."
ZORO
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Hates it
Ok he doesn't ACTUALLY hate it, but will act like he does
He will get all fussy about it like "Yeah, whatever." and huff off somewhere.
Will blush anytime you say anything nice about him(all the time) but NEVER lets you see it.
Actually comes to love the attention from you.
ESPECIALLY about his strength and skill.
Call him the best swordsman ever and you MIGHT see him blush since he'll be so off guard. Just might.
Will compliment you back in private, especially if you're dating.
Isn't one to focus on looks when appreciating someone, but will if you just did. Mostly points out your skills.
After some time, he won't feel embarrassed at all and will get a little cocky.
"You are so cool!" "Of course I am."
"Wow Zoro, you are strong." "Just strong? Give me more credit."
HATES if he see's you complimenting Sanji near him.
Brags to him about how cool you say he is.
NAMI
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First thinks you compliment her to get out of paying her.
"I'm not going to forgive your debt by sucking up to me."
Once she realizes it's genuine, she changes her attitude.
Feels all giddy inside whenever you say anything sweet about her.
She will smile brightly to you and say thanks whenever you do so.
Doesn't have any compliments she dislikes at all
But she appreciates complimemts on her character a lot more.
Being a (former) theif and conartist makes people have a pre conceived notion of her
So saying she's nice or kind makes her feel very happy.
Will compliment you back a lot.
Mostly on skills and character.
But she does forgive some of your debt because you are kind.
USOPP
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Flustered.
He starts stuttering before saying of course!
Tries to stay cool about it but say he is cute or hot and he disappears
With his self esteem, he feels like you don't actually mean what you say.
He WILL ask for assurance if your dating
After realizing you mean it, it will make him feel better about himself
Specifically about his fighting skills
He doesn't think he is that good but you think otherwise
Feels more confident the more you appreciate his talent
Brags about it to everyone
Will uplift you too
Originally to reflect your praise, but later on as actually genuine.
SANJI
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Will evaporate
This man gets soooo flustered.
If you thought Usopp was bad, he will redefine the word.
He just can't commute.
Just tries to have any response but ends up babbling.
Honestly, his flusteredness is so cute.
He will get a nosebleed and may faint depending on the type of compliment.
Call him hot or cool and he will get a nosebleed or faint.
Especially if you say he is cool.
But say he is nice—
This man will freeze.
Feels like he doesn't deserve such praise. Especially from you.
Tries to reject the compliment and compliment you back.
"B-b-but Y/N dearest, you are the most kindest, nicest person to EVER grace this earth!"
You never let him reject it.
So he just ends up accepting the praise.
May cry a little sometimes, particularly if you say he is a good person.
Man NEEDS a hug TT
Starts showing off in combat and in general so he can receive praise from you.
Will do something cool and look at you like a puppy until you notice him.
If you don't he pouts off somewhere else.
He will also brag to Zoro about how cool you think he is
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bywons · 4 months ago
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𖥔ׅ YOU CAN BE THE BOSS — PSH
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𝖮𝖱 𝖶𝖧𝖤𝖭 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝗈𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗋𝖾𝗍, 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝖼𝗎𝗍𝖾
𝖲𝖧𝖮𝖶𝓉𝖨𝖬𝖤 ⋆ 𝖼𝖾𝗈!𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗄 𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝗑 𝖿!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𖥔 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 𝒾𝖭𝖢𝖫𝖴𝖣𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖿𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗍𝗒?, 𝗅𝗈𝗍𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 1399 wc ( CATALOGUE。)
૮ ♡◞ ◟ ა ⠀PLS REBLOG !! 4 my princess @atrirose i locee u vv much TT
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“you were supposed to send me that report a week ago.”
here comes the insufferable perfectionist, with an annoying handsome face which makes it just impossible to hate him for too long. he pushes the glass so it settles still on the top of his nose bridge, eyebrows jotted together to hint a slight disappointment in you. you want to mock him, make faces and scream at him, “leave me alone, idiot!”, but then you visualise your resignation. what an asshole of a boss.
you lift your head up to meet his eyes, hands buried in the pockets of black trousers, leaning tall over your work cubicle. “i uhm- i was, i was sick. high fever,” oh gosh, you hope he doesn't catch the shakiness in your voice.
“high fever?” park sunghoon raises an eyebrow, skepticism etched on his face. “convenient timing, don't you think?”
your heart races, and you mentally kick yourself for not thinking of a better excuse. “it came on suddenly,” you stammer, hoping your blush isn’t too obvious. “but i'm feeling better now, so i'll get right on that report.”
and just as you're about to type away on your laptop, a soft but firm grip on your wrist stops you from doing so. and of course, it has to be park sunghoon, the sole trouble maker in your life.
“actually, come meet me at my office,” he says, before letting off your wrist and striding off to his office.
ugh, there you go, another hour long lecture again.
shortly after, you make it to his office. you glance back, all your colleagues getting ready to end their shift and head home. fuck you, park sunghoon, you evil man.
“sir, can i—”
“come in,” sunghoon's serious invites you in, and you close the translucent glass door behind you, which does a pretty good job of reflecting the inner furniture and heads in a blurry, but certain way. “don't just look around, take a seat.”
sunghoon doesn't lift his head up even for a second after you enter the room, he simply gestures you to sit down before him, as he types something on his own laptop, the coffee forgotten and cold beside it. you tap your heels slightly against the office floor, it's been a whole fifteen minutes inside this room already, a minute more and you might just combust.
it's hard to stare at his face. not in a boring, ‘he's so rude’ way, but more of in a breathtaking, ‘i want to kiss him’ way. to be honest, you've imagined how his lips would feel against yours, whether they would move in sync and sweep you by your feet, or steal your breath and make you fantasise. would he like the kiss? would park sunghoon ever kiss you? does he want to kiss you, like you do right now? his ever concentrated face directed towards the laptop screen, the little creases that form around his eyebrows makes him look so cute. you'd like to think that it's just a harmless crush on your grumpy boss, and nothing more than that.
but time's passing by fast, and you need to get home. the taps of your heels against the floor fastens as you say in a tone of urgency.
“mr. park, is this about—”
“call me sunghoon,” he startled you, closing his laptop, “we're of the same age, so it's weird.”
“ok, sunghoon,” you gulp, gosh it feels weird, “is this about me not submitting my leave application?”
“no? it's just a .. friendly talk with my secretary.”
“oh?” what is this bastard planning on again, “well, what is it?”
“how sick were you? i mean, your temperature,” at this point you could throw yourself out of the window. shit, he's kinda smirking, does he really know you weren't sick? that it's all a lie? that you were faking it to avoid a deadline that had you pulling your hair out and attend the corporate party instead? in your defence, that party was much needed by you after a week long of hectic paperwork.
“like about…a 102—”
“i guess people with a 102F fever don't go to parties?” crap. you know that smirk, that ‘i-caught-you-bastard’ smirk. was he at that party too? shit, no way— “i was there too.”
sunghoon sets aside his laptop and leans in against the work desk, folded hands beneath his chin and another ‘know it all’ smirk shoots at you. you gulp, did he listen to you and minji talking too? oh no, no, no, no. you don't want to be fired.
“you annoying bastard,” it was intended to be a low whisper, but under the pressure of your enraging boss's stare, it came out louder than you intended.
“annoying bastard? i think that suits me?”
“no, mr park i didn't mean—”
“no no it's okay, i get that, a lot,” and now he gets up from his seat, circling around his desk to stand just in front of you.
“but i don't get ‘he's cute’ a lot.”
shit.
“i don't get ‘i like him’,‘he's so handsome’,‘he's so gorgeous’ a lot,” you were too mesmerised by his walks and the glints of his eyes to realise he's too close now, hands on either sides of the arm rest in your chair, blocking you in, “i don't get… ‘i wish i could kiss him’ a lot.”
shit, is he smiling or smirking? you can't really say when his face is inches above yours, babbling nothing but the truth. you had in fact shared your little desires about your boss to your best friend, minji, in the party. if only you knew he would be there, you would've bolted out of that place.
this current situation is really getting to you. you're trapped in a damn chair, you don't dare to move as his face only comes closer. a sudden wave of deja vu hits you; no, you've never been trapped in a chair like this by your boss before. but this intimacy, this fluttering proximity reminds you of those playful staring contest between you and him across the office, stumbling over paperwork and crashing against sunghoons chest, and now, this. you could feel heat rushing to your cheeks, as slowly his face transcends down further, now right beside your ear, his lips softly brushing the earlobe.
“no, i-i mean the other park sunghoon, you k-know?”
“hmm? but there's only one park sunghoon in the hype building whom i know of.”
“no you're getting me—”
park sunghoon doesn't let you finish your sentence, he thinks you're too cute to not kiss right now, so he does just that.
a small kiss, a look of admiration and fush in his eyes, then another, and another, and this one holds for a moment.
and the kiss is just as you imagined, soft, sensual, in sync with your rapid heartbeats as the distance slowly begins to disappear, his hands closing in around your cheeks to cup them.
he pulls back, breathing heavy with that smug smirk of his, “was it … cute? or gorgeous?”
“i think i want to kiss you once more,” you whisper. a twitching smile, shy eyes looking up at him and he smiles back, you feel yourself blushing again.
“of course,” sunghoon chuckles, now lifting you up from the chair and sitting down on it himself. placing you on his lap, he leans in for a sweet kiss, once more. it's just as soft and breathtaking as before, this time, you melt even more as you hook your hands around his neck and blush furiously into the kiss.
sitting on your boss’s lap to share a passionate kiss was definitely not in your bingo list this year.
his kisses travel down from your lips, becoming more feathery and ticklish as they reach your cheeks, jaw and finally the crook of your neck.
“i think i find you quite gorgeous too,” he holds you by your waist.
“you think?”
“nah, i'm sure”
“would then be uhm, like to be personal secretary?” he smirks, caressing your cheeks.
“and what do i get in return?” you chuckle
“anything you want,” he reassures, softly gliding a hand behind your back. your eyes surge around the office room for a potential gift, and then they land on the big bold ‘CEO PARK SUNGHOON’ engraved on the metal plate, and then you look back at him, “anything?”
“oh? mrs. ceo?” he smirks again, looking at the plate and then back at you. “of course, you can be the boss,”
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a/n — yayaya comeback fic how r u guys, missed ya smsmsm ^0^ pleek lmk what u think of this !!! personally, my skills r cooked TT CLICK ME
© bywons, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission
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