#like. to the point where i dont really wanna go anymore
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pumpkinpatchmaniac · 3 days ago
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ARCANE SEASON 2 ARC 3 SPOILERS‼️‼️
I noticed this while watching episode 7: “Pretend like its the first time”, not that small of a detail but:
(I’m sorry if it is incoherent i just really needed to get this out.)
During the innovative party scene where Ekko dances with Powder, the song that plays is ”ma meilleure ennemie” by Stromae & Pomme, which translates to ”my best (female) enemy” which clearly refers to Powder, or Jinx.
In the intro begins a small chant where they say
Je t’aime, je t’attends […]
Meaning “ i love you, i am waiting for you” which clearly explains Ekko before coming to terms that Jinx no longer is Powder, since he fell inlove with Powder he keeps waiting for Powder to come back. This mental dilemma of having to accept that even if its the same body, same face its not the same person anymore, which is later supported by the first chorus where Stromae sings
La pire des bénédiction, La plus belle des malédictions
“The worse of all blessings, the best of all curses”, Powder was the best thing that happened to him while Jinx was the worse thing which makes this relationship with her- this connection, both a blessing and a curse.
But what made the scene more interesting was when they danced and the part
Mais ma meilleure ennemie, c'est toi [but my best enemy, that is you.]
Fuis-moi, le pire, c'est toi et moi [flee from me, the worse is you and i]
Mais si tu cherches encore ma voix [but if you keep searching for my voice]
Oublie-moi, le pire, c'est toi et moi [forget me, the worse is you and i]
I know we all wanted Ekko to stay in that timeline and be happy with Powder but remember season 1 where- whilst every Jinx or Vi centric episodes always began with a flashback, the Ekko centric one started from the present. Indicating that Ekko forces himself to always look forward than trying to let the past get to him. For exempel in - please correct me if i’m wrong, season 1 episode 5 when Vi said that she should’ve been there to help Ekko, he only says ”that’s is a good way to drive yourself crazy”. He immidiantly shut down any thought of what could’ve been, indirectly forcing Vi to think about the present. Especially afterwards when Vi talks about getting Powder back when Ekko has already fully acknowledge that there is only Jinx. All of this makes him being in that timeline more difficult for him since it is exactly what he wanted to avoid, being stuck in what could’ve been.
Dancing with Powder just engraves this furthee into him, this is unhealthy for Ekko since it’s the relation ship between him and Jinx. As to reiterate ”if you keep searching for Powder’s, voice, stop, it will just drive you crazy”
Also to refer to the pre-chorus!
First one:
Tu sais c'qu'on dit [you know what they say]
Sois près d'tes amis les plus chers [stay close to your dearest friends]
Mais aussi [but even]
Encore plus près d'tes adversaires [even closer to your adversaries (i.e antagonists, villains)
And the second one
Je t'avais dit : "Ne regarde pas en arrière" [i have told you : “dont look back]
Le passé qui te suit te fait la guerre [the past will follow you and take you to war]
(This is pretty self explanatory)
Additionally, before the kiss scene where Ekko says “can we pretend like it’s the first the first time”, further insinuates the whole, “this is my present even thought it’s a part of your past”.
TL:DR
This scene hurts
(Authors note:
I know it is not a small detail and not that significant but i really wanna acknowledge how every part of the Arcane series have a significance into the story. And honestly i needed to vent. It was so fun last night watching the scene and hearing ”le pire, c’est toi et moi” and just go ”oh, word?”. I am not French but i studied it so it just felt good from that POV too.
Edit: i was not aware that Arcane gets critizied over how litteral the songs are to the scene but i still stand by my point about why i really liked the song and this scene specifically)
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never-wednesday · 1 year ago
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They should make a building that isn't a nightmare to navigate with a wheelchair
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professionaljester · 12 days ago
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love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time
#abc shut it#im tired of fighting it and trying to participate in life when it feels like i dont exist#love being lonely and then being told its due to my bad mental health so i pretend it doesnt affect me and i try and be myself#and no one likes me and i dont exist unless i remind people im a person so its kinda like#at a point where its not just suicidal ideation#its just a situation of /when/ and not if haha#ive been alive for 26 years and 20 of those have been exhausting as hell im ready to be done#exhausting and lonely and isolating im sick of it#i try and i try and my life doesnt get better or anymore worth living#and when i vent abt it i get told i need to try harder and im not trying at all and i need to stop being so depressed#its hard to not be depressed when the universe gives everyone around me a better experiences than me#i feel like im screaming that im here please pay attention#and nothing#i talk and my voice gets ignored or i get talked over#i post online to try and start conversations or make friends and i just get ignored#like do i exist at all to anyone else but myself#im trying to reach out and make friends but none of the ppl i wanna make friends with seem interested in having a conversation with me#i add all these people to discord and message them all the time#but nothing gets passed me sending them messages no one ever fucking messages me first#it feels like no one thinks about me and i dont matter#literally no one gives a fuck what i have to say#or anytime i talked im corrected on SOMETHING i say or i get a belittled in response#i cant do this shit anymore i cant#no one gives a shit about what i have to say and its really coming across that no one likes me#bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all#why am i in the wrong feeling like im alone and have no friends when im the only one reaching out ever if i wanna have a conversation#and when i do feel like im allowed to talk i just talk and talk and talk and know the people dont give a shit abt what i have to say#i jsut feel like im here to be talked at and do things for other people and nothing more#that whenever i have an emotion its wrong and i need to bottle it up#and i dont eve get a chance to learn how to manage my emotions bc it feels like im going to get scolded or belittled for feeling things
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liquidstar · 8 months ago
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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sleepyblr-heart · 4 months ago
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old yuri comic GO
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nightmare8-420 · 1 month ago
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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boxwinebaddie · 7 months ago
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nina do you ever plan on posting the remainder of pep?
this is nonsensical but this is how i feel ig
#i'll edit this later idk i just wanted to get this out#but idk pep like triggers the shit out of me if im real#i loved peppermint but i got very sick writing it#i was not treated kindly all the time it was v stressful#the formatting is hideous#i want to private it but i wont#im also an adult lady i dont want to write about my high school style anymore like i just really dont#like its not totally finished its mostly just dialogue and id have to fill in the gaps and think a lot idk#thinking about peppermint gives me hives#im sorry i know we loved that fanfic#and ill think about just spoiling it in one go at some point MAYBE but i just want to move on#like i seriously just want to be free of peppermint like thank you for getting me here but i have so much more i wanna do#theres so much au style i wanna flesh out ( which tbh my tfbw s+k are the most similar to pep style just Super and Villian )#new stuff i want to explore i just...i can talk about pep every once and a while but i dont really like doing it all the time#its just very overwhelming for me and i really have just moved past it so idk its ok if u dont want to stay for#my rm stuff or my other ncu stuff like if u are only here for peppermint i will not be hurt if u dont wanna stay#but im not really in the headspace to talk about it and dont really want to rip that wound open anymore im trying to heal#im glad that that fanfic brought me all of you#you were the best part of writing peppermint#thank you and i'm sorry#edit: oof u can tell where i started to have a panic attack#but feel free to ask me about tkak or the tfbw style#i can link you the references and the pinterest boards are fire i promise i am cooking a lot i feel a lot abt those
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decepti-geek · 1 year ago
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honestly like... why is anyone coming into fandom spaces, expecting to enounter off the bat only things that they want to see? why is that being treated as a reasonable thing to expect from a like. non-forum, non-closed fandom space, where anyone can post stuff?
anyone can post stuff. that is how tumblr works as a fandom space, it's how it's always worked, and WHY are we now seeing an increase in complaints about how people shouldn't have to be subjected to Bad Takes(tm) or just stuff which doesn't appeal, when the fact that you might see anyone posting anything has always been part of the 'price,' if you want, of interacting with fandom on here?
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smoothoperador · 1 year ago
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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alwayssunnyinhawkins · 1 month ago
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Idek what to say at this point
#me talking#sexuality stuff#college :)#<- but also not really anymore but im just gonna count it because this is where i talk about my friends#so. i REALLY want to see cam as soon as. like if he asked to see me this week id find a way to fit it in.#BUT i cant just invite him along to spuds plans when theyre not MY plans because of the ''drama'' of it all.#and i dont even remember his schedule for this month— i might see if he can come to the 29th thingy but idk if hes free#we'll see.#MAYBE if i play my cards right hell invite me to something for his birthday but i doubt it and thats okay#either way (and the point of this update): were gonna be meeting uo beginning of next month just us two#-> which will be the first interacting irl since mid september!#we wanna go and see the.sub.stance so im hoping its still in cinema and well be exchanging birthday presents! so. yeah!#i am extremely anxious about it lmao#but i really wanna start talking to him more. i think ill ask him tonight/tomorrow for his number and then#that’ll lead to talking more and calling and then ill be more at ease for meeting up and seeing where it goes from there‼️#im hoping to be dating by the end of november tbh#i hadnt consciously had that thought before but yeah thats where im at#i just think thats a good amount of time (i mean.its a month and a half away) if we talk as much as i want to start officially considering—#us as at least more than friends.#also it just doesnt feel fair to me to hang on for too long if it feels like nothing is going anywhere.#but yeah! still cant tell if this is a foolish one situation or mastermind situation yet but! we'll see!
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inthewychelm · 4 months ago
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a check list of my fics in progress...
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celestialmancer · 5 months ago
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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yongseungkim · 8 months ago
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#like i definitely need therapy lol#not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps#so im trying to reach out again because holy shit#i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships#but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own#i have good friends i know who will hear me out#but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear#and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like#once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr#i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud#so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol .#but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part#i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice#but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own#im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change#if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally#and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe#i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions#bro its also been like so long#i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp#*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u .#but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all#like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi#feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore#like i just want it all to stop!#i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore#the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like#SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD.#ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?
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clandestineloki · 1 year ago
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miguel o'hara x shy crybaby housewife!reader (p2)
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part 2 to this
miguel rolls you over on your back and takes your wrists in his hand, kissing your fingers and smiling up at you
it may be a sincere, sweet smile, but you're very flustered because this is your very attractive husband mind you
and you're still blushing like a schoolgirl when he looks at you with hearts in his eyes!!
he laughs softly at your flustered expression, and he just makes you even more embarrassed by spreading ur thighs open and licking his lips.
and he eats you up literally bc he bites down on your thigh like ur a little bun of bread, with the chomp noise and all >:(
then he goes n leaves a huge bite like the vampire daddy he is and then kisses it better, leaving a hickey and riling you up n making you whine
he is so mean!! but hes also calling u a good little wife so u're feeling very floaty <33
then his hands knead ur breasts and you whimper, so sensitive after the bath to the point where a brush of his skin against yours makes you super wet between ur legs poor babyy
and miguel notices that and bites his lip. you're such a needy baby, aren't you, gatita?
u never wanna admit it, but that's okay, he'll just prove it by fucking you so good you go dumb <33
so he gets to work on the fountain of youth between your legs
licks a fat stripe up your cunt and makes you twitch and shiver
stay still, baby, he mumbles against ur pussy, lean back, let daddy enjoy his favorite dessert~
fuck you taste so sweet, gatita, you got daddy wrapped around your little finger, mm?
you really have no idea how sexy you are :((
he licks up all your juices and laughs when he feels your thighs shaking, and just keeps eating his lovely wife out like she's his last meal
then when he feels your little hole clenching down, just so desperate to be filled
he shoves two fingers in and grins when you scream in pleasure, coming as he curls his fingers up into your cunt as you squirt all over his face <3333
pulls his fingers away and licks up the mess on his hand
then he holds his fingers out to you like "wanna taste"
n you're like "eww no" and he bursts out laughing
"more for me then hahaha- ow! dont hit me gatita"
he's disgusting...ly charming omg
u turn on ur side facing away from him but he pushes u on your back again
did you think he was done with you?? oh no no
he sinks in, no more prep needed since he got u sooooo needy and even his teasing made you so flustered nd aroused
"ah, such a cute little plaything, letting me fuck her as i please, you like when i tease you dont you bebita<3"
you whimper and turn ur head away, but he goes no no babyy i wont tease anymore, my pretty wife just look at me please?~
you turn ur head back to him and he grins, thrusting even harder
"ahh that's it baby~" he grunts, pinning your wrists to the side and kissing your neck sloppily.
"d-daddy!" you whine, squirming under his weight and he laughs
"don't run from me, bebita, we both know your pretty pussy loves me, doesnt it~?"
and he rubs ur little clit and makes you scream and go dumb from bliss
then he goes even harder, overstimulating u, but when you can't hear him, he whispers so many sorrys and i love yous because he knows he doesnt deserve such a pretty little wife who lets him do whatever he wants with her :((
but he hears you slur out, "i love you" and he kisses you passionately, both his and your doubts gone because this moment is all you two needed to calm down
then he wraps the two of you up in the blankets in a spooning position and kisses you goodnight n cradles you in his arms
but not before he slips his cock in u again >:))
he makes you sleep that way cockwarming him
and as a reward u wake up to the feeling of him lazily thrusting into you <3
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gemharvest · 2 years ago
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Feels unreal that I'm almost out. Like we have two days and whats basically a half day (after lunch the seniors go and do smthn else monday) and then the last thing i do is graduation. I remember having panic attacks over this lmfao.
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tsukasageorge · 2 years ago
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totally forgot but it's show week now 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 collapses on the floor in a pool of tears 🤩
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