#like you’re a cop date wtf

[woundedheartwithin]

Kiryu: Hey Date, mind babysitting Haruka for me?

*she gets kidnapped*

Kiryu: okay maybe that was a one off, Date do you mind babysitting Haruka for me?

*she gets kidnapped*

Kiryu: well it was only twice, Date can you babysit Haruka and her little baby for me please?

*both get promptly kidnapped*

To be fair tho, I don’t think any of Kiryu’s other friends would have faired much better lol

Well, I guess that’s not true, he should have taken her to Yuya and Kazuki

[theriverdalereviewer]

please tell me someone here has watched 90210 (the cw remake)

[bloodibambiidoll]

I'm asking waayyy too much BUT ITS THE LAST ONE I PINKY PROMISE( for today. . .)

Anyyywaayyssss, okay so what if weird girl!reader was hanging around n climbing trees or something (bc I do that-) and JJ sees her and he's like "girl wtf r u doing up there" and blah blah blah it's there first time meeting too (it would be fun if rafe sees this and they're not dating yet n he gets a lil jelly hehe)

VERY RANDOM BUT MY HEAD JUST WORKS LIKE THATTT

Ty bb🪽🫀

Omg yes!! This is such a cutie idea!! I actually had this pic saved on her Pinterest board bc she absolutely climbs trees. Sometimes she just climbs a little too high… Jealous!Rafe, fluff, lovesick!Rafe 18+MNDI!

(Also in another world Jj & Weird!girl would be so cute actually)

“What’re you doing up there?” The sound of someone’s voice nearly has you falling off the tree branch you’re perched on as your hand flies to chest and a surprised gasp leaves you. You look below you to see a head of messy blonde hair and ocean blue eyes squinting up at you through the sun. You’ve never met him, but recognize him of course, it’s not like the island is particularly big so you’ve seen everyone at least once. Jj Maybank, he’s from the cut so it makes sense that you’ve never really crossed paths. He’s cute though.

“Umm… I’m doing pretty much exactly what it looks like I’m doing, sitting in a tree.” You let out a little small chuckle as you look down at him. “What are you doing down there?”

“Well, I’m exactly what it looks like I’m doing, walking on the ground.” You snort at that, giving him a playful roll of your eyes. “I know, I’m hilarious. I was just makin’ sure you weren’t stuck up there or anything.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say stuck. I’d say I may have flown too close to the sun climbing up this high.” You shrug as you kick your dangling feet back and forth.

“Soooo… you’re stuck then?” Jj smirks up at you as he adjusts the cap on his head so it’s facing backwards. It gives you a better view of his face, he’s cute. Maybe if you weren’t already so invested in Rafe you would definitely be interested in him.

“I mean, mentally? Yes. Physically? No. I could get down whenever I want, actually.” Your voice is sickly sweet and Jj wonders why he’s never talked to you before. He’s seen you around and he’s always thought you were hot. That whole semi creepy but still angelic vibe you give off really does it for him.

“Yeah? You need some help?” He chuckles and leans his hand against the trunk of the tree, out stretching his neck and accentuating his jaw. He looks like he’d be nice to bite.

“She’s good, Maybank.” Your head whips around to see Rafe walking down the dirt path with a stone cold look set on his face. “I can help my girl. You can fuck off now.”

“Rafey! Hi!” You smile wide as you wave down at him enthusiastically. You sent him a picture of you up in the tree telling him you might need a little help getting down and he immediately dropped everything to come to your rescue.

“Rafey, huh? That’s adorable, truly.” Jj smirks at Rafe and it has him breathing out hard through his nostrils. He’s been trying really hard not to beat every man who looks at you to a pulp but seeing fucking Jj Maybank smirking up at you while you giggle is making him see red.

“Shut the fuck up, Pogue. Didn’t I tell you to fuck off? I suggest you do before we have an actual problem.” Rafe takes a few steps towards him, his eyes are like blue fire as he glares at Jj like he wants to burn him alive. It’s kind of hot. If you’re being honest with yourself.

“Okaaaay, I think that’s enough. I’m good Jj, thank you for offering to help me, you’re sweet.” You give him a saccharine smile and it makes him swoon just a little. You are so cute that if he wasn’t trying to stay off the cops radar he would probably stand here and fuck with Rafe even more.

“Yeah, no problem, sweetheart. See ya around, let me know if pretty boy over here decides to fuck you over, I don’t mind being your rebound.” Jj bites his lip as he winks at you before turning to walk off. Rafe wants to chase after him and wipe that smug ass look off his face by shoving it into the dirt.

“Raaaafe.” You snap your fingers to get his attention and it pulls him out of his rage filled trance. He looks up at you, smiling down at him so sweetly and he almost forgets who Jj Maybank even is. Almost. He still wants to kick his fucking ass.

“Hmm? Yeah baby?”

“Can you help me get down now?” He giggle and Rafe swears it’s his favorite sound other than when you scream for him while you fall apart in his cock.

“Oh shit, yeah. C’mere.” Rafe moves so he’s directly under you with his arms outstretched. “Jump down, I’ll catch you.”

“I don’t know, Rafe. I’m pretty high up.” Your expression turns nervous so Rafe leans up so he can hit the bottom of your shoe with the tips of his fingers.

“You’re not even that high, see? Just fuckin’ jump. Promise I won’t let you fall.” He shakes his hands above his head and gives you that semi goofy, reassuring smile that’s reserved only for you.

“Okay. Fine.” You let out a dramatic sigh before bracing your hands on the branch so you can push yourself down into Rafe’s arms. A little squeal leaves you when he grips onto your hips and pulls you against his chest. You wrap your arms around his neck so you can plant a messy smooch on his lips. “My savior!! How will I ever repay you, fair knight?”

“Pft. You’re so fuckin’ dramatic.” Rafe snorts as he lightly sets you down on the ground.

“I’m dramatic? You were about to beat Jj’s ass for trying to help me!” You laugh, jokingly pushing your hand into his shoulder.

“Nah, he was doing more than just trynna help you.” Rafe grabs onto your hand so he can pull you closer against his chest. “He was fucking flirting with you and you’re mine.”

“Yours, huh? Guess I missed the letter in the mail that said we were official.”

“Oh my god, you’re so dumb.” Rafe throws his head back with a groan but you can see the smile painted across your lips. “I thought I made it pretty fuckin’ clear that you’re my girl.”

“Hmmm… I don’t know, might need you to spell it out for me.” Your giggle makes butterflies erupt in his stomach and Rafe never believed in that butterflies in your tummy bullshit until he met you.

“Ugh. You’re a brat, you know that?” You shrug, letting out a satisfied hum. “Fine. Be my girlfriend?”

“Uh, duh, I already am.” He rolls his eyes and you give him a satisfied smile. “Just wanted to hear you say it.”

“You’re sooo in for it when we get back to my place. Brat.” He grips onto your neck, pulling your lips against his in a rough kiss. “Car. Let’s go.”

“Okay, okay, sooo bosssy.” He smacks your ass and you yelp, running full speed toward his truck.

“Oh hell nah! Get your lil ass back here!!”

Taglist: @babygorewhore @strawberrydolly333 @starkeysprincess @sturnioloshacker @nemesyaaa @rafeinterlude @loserboysandlithium

All things Rafe & his weird!girl here

Divider is @strangergraphics

[gold-dustwomxn]

mystified

part 2

summary: after sudden attacks on women around town, you take a self defense class. ellie, your long standing crush is the instructor

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

each chapter will have their own warnings please read them! eventual smut

cw: mentions of child abuse and implication of attempted sexual assault (does not go into detail for either), panic attack

fluff and angst

light rocking against your shoulder and a distant call of your name pulls you from your deep slumber making you groan, not conscious enough to take in where you are. “hey sleepyhead, wake up.” ellie’s raspy whisper has you cracking one eye open. you’re too tired to even speak or think coherently, making you hum in question.

ellie chuckles and looks at you for a moment before speaking. “sorry to wake you up so early.. I gotta be at the construction site in an hour.” you blink away your remnants of sleep and realize ellie has damp hair, is fully dressed for the day and the sun isn’t even up yet. “it’s okay. sorry I fell asleep here I didn’t even realize.” she smiles softly, “no worries, I don’t mind. you looked pretty comfy..I can drive you home on my way to work.”

the short drive to your house shares a peaceful, comfortable silence between you and ellie. the sky painting a breathtaking winter sunrise of pinks and purple. ellie pulls up to your house way too quickly for your liking, the small disappointment of having to part ways felt in your chest.

“thanks for the ride and letting me crash at your place.. I had fun last night.”

“me too,” she smiles and you feel that warmth settle deep in your stomach again. it’s a rarity to see her full smile “it’s no problem, really.. are you busy tonight?”

“no, I don’t think I have anything going on.” you know you don’t actually have anything going on. you bite the inside of your cheek to try to suppress a smile, but ellie looks between your eyes and down at your mouth and smirks at you. caught.

“well, if you’re not busy later you wanna hang out? I get off at 3, we can go to a cafe or something.” she clears her throat and you can see how physically painful this is for her. she forces herself to keep eye contact though.

you giggle and she narrows her eyes at you playfully, unspoken words and body language received between the both of you. “yeah, I’m down. just text me when you get off.”

“alright cool I can pick you up. see you later, ___.”

me: DINA wake the fuck up!!!!!

dina🤍: bitch its literally 7am why tf are u disturbing me

me: wow. anyway! last night I was walking to ur house and some creepy dude pulls up next to me asking me for directions and shit acting super sketchy. ellie pulls up out of nowhere and goes all psycho ellie mode and pulls out a fucking switchblade. I was like 😦 but it was also so hot. he skids off and she gets pics of his plates and we go back to her place for joel to deal with it. he thinks the cops can keep an eye out for that car and see if that guy has anything to do with the assaults happening. it was lowkey really scary but I’m okay. we ended up smoking and talking for hours and it was literally perfect and then we ended up falling asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night laying ON HER CHEST with her arm around me. we’re hanging out again tonight

dina🤍: wtf that’s so fucking scary! im glad ur okay:( but ommg im so excited for u angel. its ab damn time some moves are made and we can go on double dates tg hehe

me: ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves here we’ll see what happens. that’s all I wanted to tell u. ur allowed to go back to sleep now:)

dina🤍: wow how gracious of u. lmk how everything goes though <33

clothes are strewn all over your bed and floor, while you frantically try to find a cute outfit to wear. it’s fine, it’s just ellie. she’s seen you a million times since you were both 14. you finally settle on a pair of jeans and a black sweater, with your chelsea doc martens. good enough.

ellie🌿🗡️: Hey, I’m outside whenever you’re ready.

me: be right there!

okay, just breathe. everything’s fine!

as you hop into the passenger seat, ellie looks you up and down. “you look good.” you give her a shy smile and observe her; hair tied half up, in a dark green flannel with an oversized black denim jacket, black jeans with her usual pair of converse, multiple rings on her long fingers, and the scent of her woodsy cologne. “thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” she smiles and shakes her head, pulling out of your driveway.

“yeah, he almost dropped a whole fucking plank of wood on my head today!”

you start laughing, walking out of the coffee shop together. “maybe the hit would’ve done you good, ellie. you are very hard headed.” ellie’s jaw drops “wow, someone’s feisty today, huh?” you smile and roll your eyes, going to shove her and she catches your wrist, pulling you close to her. your breath hitches and you look down at her lips. something behind you catches ellie’s attention, her smile dropping instantly and face turning ghostly pale.

“ellie? what’s wrong?” she grabs your hand and walks you quickly to the car, opening your door to make sure you get in first before frantically hopping into her seat and speeding out of the parking lot.

“hey, what’s going on?” she shakes her head and doesn’t respond, her chest rising and falling at a rapid rate, eyebrows scrunched together.

the speed of her driving and her concerning behavior is stressing you the fuck out. she pulls up to her house and lets you both in before she runs up the stairs to the bathroom, whipping the door shut with a loud slam.

you slowly walk up the stairs, not knowing whether or not to give her privacy. you suddenly hear her crying and hyperventilating. “ellie, I’m coming in.”

ellie is seated on the floor next to the tub with her head between her legs, forearms laid on her knees. “hey, hey I’m here. can I touch you?” she nods and you gently take her hand, softly rubbing the back of her palm while you place her other hand against your chest. “try to follow my breathing, okay?” you take slow, deep breaths for her to follow until she calms down.

“I’m sorry.” she avoids looking at you. “no, I’m here for you, okay? you don’t have to hide from me.” she wipes the rest of her tears from her eyes and nods. you move to sit next to her and gently rub her back, still holding her hand.

“do you wanna talk about it?” she clears her throat and looks straight ahead. “I uh… saw one of my old foster parents. he was pretty fucked up,” she lets out a dry laugh. “thought I was over it but I didn’t expect to see him.”

“what did he do?” she looks at you in contemplation before looking away with a cold, steely gaze. she sniffs and nods, “he… used to beat the shit out of me all the time for no reason.” she looks down at her scarred tattoo and rubs the skin. “this burn… he tried to-“ she clenches her jaw and shakes her head. “anyway, I managed to get away before he did anything, but I ended up burning my arm on the stove in the midst of it all. tried to press charges but that didn’t work, big shocker,” she scoffs. “I ran away and refused to go back so they placed me with joel and he eventually adopted me.”

she looks back up at you, trying to gauge what you’re thinking. you don’t realize you’re crying until she wipes away a tear from your cheek. “hey, don’t cry it was a long time ago I was just… not prepared for all of that.”

“sorry, I just hate that you had to go through all of that, especially at such a young age.” she lets out a deep breath and nods. “sorry our date got ruined” she gives you a sad smile.

“it wasn’t,” you squeeze her hand “I had a good time and I’m just glad I was able to be here with you.” you look up in thought, “do you have brownie mix?” she looks at you in confusion and lets out a small laugh “uh, I dunno, why?” “whenever I’m sad or going through something, I like to bake because it gives me something to do to take my mind off of everything and brownies are fucking good.” you nod with conviction. ellie laughs, “you are so fucking cute. c’mon let’s go see if I have some brownie mix.”

as you mix the chocolatey batter, and hum to the song playing on the speaker, ellie leans against the counter and watches you. she loves the domesticity and warmth you surround her with, and you were right, doing all of this is making her feel better.

“are you just gonna stand there and stare at me or are you gonna help?” “nah I think I’m good right here” she smirks at you. you nod slowly and look at her with mischief, holding up the spoon. her eyes widen and she points her finger at you, “don’t you fucking dare.”

you chase ellie around the kitchen island, out of breath from laughing and she ends up slipping on her sock, grabbing onto the counter for balance. as you run up to her and try to smear the batter on her face, she grabs your arm. you struggle against her, making you trip over her leg and she catches you, wrapping her arms around your waist. both of your laughters fade into small smiles as both of your eyes trails to each other’s lips. ellie’s face becomes serious as she leans in, lips ghosting yours. the sound of the front door opening has you both abruptly backing away from each other. fucking joel.

“hey kiddo, what are y’all up to?” ellie’s face is beet red and she clears her throat, “just making some brownies. why are you home?” ellie’s voice holds a bit of an edge to it.

“well, damn, I’ll get outta your hair in a minute, just stoppin’ by, forgot to pack my dinner.” she hums in annoyance. your eyes widen at the tension ellie is radiating.

“joel! my parents wanted me to give this to you as a thanks for the free self defense lesson, and for helping me out yesterday.” you open up your bag and take out a bottle of whiskey. ellie’s brows furrow, oops you forgot to tell her.

joel holds the bottle at a downward angle “would’ya look at that.. I’ll be sure to send my thanks to them.” he walks to the fridge and grabs out a container. “alright I’m headin’ out,” he looks at ellie “do me a favor, don’t burn the house down.” she groans and rolls her eyes.

“mm, these brownies are fucking good. you were right after all.” you scoff and smack her arm, “of course I was right. don’t ever doubt me again.” ellie rolls her eyes, “yes ma’am,” she quips sarcastically. “now, pay attention, this is my favorite part of the movie,” you say with feigned sternness. she smiles and nods, finishing off her brownie and leans back into her pillows.

you rest your head on her shoulder and place your hand on her stomach, tracing small patterns. you look up at her and whisper, “ellie?”

“hm?”

“do you really feel okay now?”

she turns her head to the side to look at you, face only inches away, and nods slowly. you feel her breath ghosting your lips and your heart starts racing, chest rising up and down quickly. ellie parts her mouth and licks her lips, leaning in, kissing you softly. she pulls away to look at you, before sitting up and grabbing your face, deepening the kiss.

HA sorry to edge u all. things are gonna get spicy as fuck in the next chapter. interactions are much appreciated 💗

taglist: @me-and-your-husband @fireflyels

[pink-princess-pussy-pop]

Could I get a "dating ------- would include" for rafe...??? Please?

Dating Rafe Cameron Would Include…

I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY

Warnings: Sexual allusions, language, not proofed

- princess treatment frfr

- being the kook prince’s girl has its perks

- Rose and ward love you

- Wheezie is totally your best friend

- You met through Sarah so you are basically besties with the entire family Cameron family

- Will not let you go ANYWHERE near Barry.

- Not. At. All.

- You randomly called him Rafey one day while drunk

- He fell more in love with you after that

- He gets so sad when you use his real name

- Sometimes when he gets drunk he’ll ask you to call him rafey

- So clingy when he’s drunk

- And when he’s high

- HIGH SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Oops

- Always has to have his arm around you

- Or his hand in your back pocket

- Or on your thigh

- Or you on his lap

- This man’s love language is physical touch!!!!!

- You’re the only person he can be vulnerable around

- It breaks your heart when he calls you at 2am crying

- “Rafe? What’s wrong?”

- His voice was so small.

- “Can I come see you?”

- “Of course”

- He was at your house minutes later, wrapped in your arms

- You showered him with love as tears streamed down his face

- He fell asleep in your arms that night

- And the several times after that

- He loves how you are always there for him after an altercation with Ward

- From then on, you despise Ward

- When you come to Tannyhill, you are almost always in the pool, the balcony

- Or Rafe’s bedroom

- He fav ofc

- Let’s be honest here…

- Rafe is a fucking Dom.

- You can’t change my mind

- He’s down for ANYTHING.

- But always a consent king

- He’s so mf kinky too

- Choking? Yep

- Edging? Sure!

- Semi-Public sex? Totally.

- He wants to handcuff you so bad

- Pls do it

- You manage to help him with his cocaine addiction

- The process was BAD but you knew he could do it

- So proud of him when he got through it

- Rafe will kiss you everywhere

- He always expects a greeting kiss and a goodbye kiss

- Will POUT if he doesn’t get his goodbye kiss

- A baby about it actually

- It’s really cute, tho

- He’s never loved anyone as much as he’s loved you

- He tolerates Midsummers because he knows you’ll be there with him

- And goddamn you just look so good

- Movie nights all the time

- His fav genres are horror and action

- Gym dates

- Is it really a date if he’s staring at your ass? Or if you aren’t working out and just watching him?? No?? Oh well

- You go on long drives together, just talking and listening to music

- YOU GET HIM TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND BLM AND HE TAKES THE GODDAMN BLUE LIVES MATTER STICKER OFF HIS TRUCK (rafe u literally killed a cop why do u have it????🤧🤧)

- Hand on your thigh obvi

- Or if you’re driving he will link his pinkie with yours on the steering wheel

- He will randomly say something sexual

- Literally you’ll be sitting with Wheezie watching a pure Disney movie and he’ll come up behind you

- “I’m so fucking hard right now”

- Like wtf do you do now??

- “Baby”

- “Sweetheart”

- “Princess”

- Mirror sex

- Wants you to watch what he does to you

- Golf dates

- He’s constantly trying to prove that golfing is a real sport

- You just love to watch him

- He’s not complaining, tho

- He loves the little outfits you wear

- Boating dates

- You wearing your swimsuit and one of his shirts????

- Bye. He’s dead.

- Totally wants you to get sunburned so he can be the one to take care of you afterwards

- You’ve managed to stop several fights between him and the pogues

- Mostly JJ

- “They shouldn’t even be here!”

- “They were invited Rafe. There’s nothing you can do. Just ignore them.”

- He buys you things

- Loves to spoil you

- He gave you a necklace with the letter R on it and you wear it everywhere

- Whenever he sees it?

- Feral

- Omg imagine

- Literally having sex with him and he sees the necklace wrapped around your throat

- FERAL FERAL FERAL

- geez

- Stealing his shirts is a must

- He smells so good

- Rich boy cologne

- I think Rafe’s the kind of boyfriend to buy the kind of perfume you wear to spray around his room so it always smells like you

- Awe

- After the whole Rafe saving the cross fiasco, you are taken amongst the pogues to Poguelandia and he goes insane

- Doesn’t sleep until you come back

- When he’s locked in the room with Kiara he kept asking her about you

- “Fuck! Rafe shut up! She’s fine!”

- Your reunion was at Tannyhill.

- He came back to grab his stuff and you had been at the house with Sarah

- You sobbed when you heard him, running into his arms

- His phone call was forgotten, as was Sarah

- All that mattered was that you were together again

- He vowed to never let you out of his sights again

- This list is so long omg I have to end it

[mm-275]

MILES MORALES HEADCANNONS

Request: nope

tw: some cuss words

- You would probably have had to have asked him out first, cause I know everything that happened with Gwen and when he flirted with her, scarred him.

- If you asked him out, honestly good for you cause he would’ve taken literally forever to do it himself 😭

- Butttt, if he asked you out, he took FOREVER to even think about talking to you, let alone asking you out on a date.

- This boy is so incredibly bad with saving up his money. He was able to do it the first few dates, but don’t get used to it because most dates will be on his roof or in his or your rooms (you don’t mind because he makes it fun)

- You guys get into a good flow of a relationship pretty quickly, and if you have classes with him, the teachers hate you guys so much (it’s his fault he’s throwing stuff at you) 

- He would never rush you in anything, so any “major” steps in the relationship will probably have to be initiated by you (hand holding, first kiss, etc etc)

- But you were never made aware of this, so on the like 5th date you’re like “wtf why won’t he hold my hand”

- He just doesn’t know how a relationship works (we know his mom would murder him if he got a girlfriend), so please help him out he’s clueless 😭

- When you meet his parents, Rio and Jeff think your great (you have the decency to call them Mr & Mrs Morales), and you brought Rio some flowers (you bugged Miles for WEEKS to get him to find out her favorite flower)

- They do question you thoroughly, not to be rude, they wanna make sure you’re a good influence and that you care (I love Gwen but Miles had to have had so much patience I would kick her out the SECOND she put her shoes on my bed)

- Reassure them that you don’t want to nor that you’ve ever done drugs/gotten drunk, and it’s even better if you get good grades.

- They probably invited you to stay for dinner, and you devour Rio’s food (cause I can smell that she cooks like a goddess) and if you ask her to teach you to cook she’s in love and she will make you hang out with her more than you hang out with Miles.

- I think Jeff would be a little less trusting, I mean, he’s a cop so he knows shit that goes down in the streets (he followed you around once or twice when he saw you and Miles walking somewhere together)

- When you wanna take Miles to meet your parents, he’s fucking terrified. He forgets everything and runs everything by you 4x to make sure

- “Does this outfit look good?” “Miles, it’s fine my parents don’t care that much” “I don’t like this shirt hold on-”

- Wears his nicest clothes and shoes he can find, and makes sure to bring your mom her favorite flowers (this is his payback for your weeks and weeks of asking him about his mom)

- He seems like the type of kid that parents love, so he leaves with your parents loving him (he checks 3x a week if they still like him)

- I don’t think he has a big type, I think he’s cool with whatever as long as your personalities click (he’s a thigh guy I stand by that)

- Whatever classes you guys don’t have together, he will walk you to yours. Don’t try to stop him, he will not listen. He will, however, be late to his own class because he did want to hold your hand down the hallway.

- He’s so terrified to tell you about him literally being spiderman, and when he does tell you, you dont believe him, then he pulls out his suit and climbs on the wall and you’re like wtf (like the tom holland spiderman scene)

- Will sneak into your room/sneak you into his room at night because he’s lonely and he loves you (especially before you meet parents)

- Says I love you first, but does it without realizing it because he’s been thinking it, but it slips out and he doesn’t realize it until you react to it.

-----------------------------

pt. 2 is up but tumblr hates me and wont let me link anything

[prince-strife]

So I watched “Like Minds” (I’m super unwell about gay people)

this one is like 3x longer than the tenet one

spoilers for a movie that came out 20 years ago ig

alex is clearly rly smart but he’s a right prick about it

nigel sure does like to stare 🤨🤨

oh so he’s a little freak. bro’s got a taxidermy cat in his luggage

ARE THEY MAKING BOMBS??

well. def explosives

DOES HE TAXIDERMY THE ANIMALS HIMSELF

he rly likes dead stuff…

not the gay little obsession

GIRL RECORK YOUR WINE BOTTLE

NIGEL WHY ARE YOU DISSECTING BIRDS IN YOUR BEDROOM

he’s so pretty tho fr mfer has gorgeous eyes

bro fuck this cop frfr

he did not seriously just punch this kid

oooh alex is fucked in the head too. inch resting

alex is one of those rich boys ._.

“obligations” hmmm i Do Not like the sound of that

WAIT THAT WAS HIS DAD??? that explains that ig

wait why is alex on the villains wiki. WHY IS ONE OF HIS CRIMES NECROPHILIA

interesting that alex is so aggressively anti-church (as an establishment, i mean)

ooooh nigel is Looking at him

not him fighting with his teacher

taking detailed notes about the people around him…nigel colbie autism

nooo leave him alone :((

alex is so mean to him omg. let him be a little freak in peace

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KILLED THAT KID

OHHH SALLY ROWE IS FUCKIN. JONI THROMBEY

wtf ym you “can’t find” the colbies..

omg staring across a casket at each other..

tom sturridge is so fucking beautiful i’m unwell

“i almost missed him” 🤨🤨

38 minutes in and i think this is the longest we’ve heard nigel speak

THE FUCK BOOK IS HE READING FOR THIS CLASS

idk i need nigel and alex to kiss

WOAH NIGEL JUST GOT REALLY CLOSE

“i’m really sorry about your friend” baby don’t lie no the fuck you’re not

smth abt the way nigel said “but you don’t have to worry” reminds me of the scene at the end of batman where joker is telling the riddler he did a good job.

THE GLARE AT THIS POOR GIRL nigel looks jealous as fuck

nigel baby giving the boy you like a hand is not the way to his heart

“it looks like you need a hand.” BABE. NO. TOO ON THE NOSE

he’s so cute in his lil jumper

SITTING ON HIS BED??? LEANING OVER HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS???? nah this is. gay behaviour

“alex, wake up. i’ve got a night planned 🥺” aww they’re gonna go on a date

oh they’re super close. NOW KISS

ooh hanging the essay over his head

the big smile… “are you having fun?” the little giggle. the smirk. he hates his ass. he is so in love with him. WHAT IS GOING ON

hmm i do not trust this

THE PUPPYY

“i’ve never brought anybody here before” INTERESTING (“i’m being vulnerable plz don’t be a dick abt this”)

i’ve still got an hour left of this movie good god

my mom is watching gbbo rly loudly and i just got super confused as to why the music Did Not Match the scene

“do you like it 🥺🥺” NIGEL. BABY. he’s so proud of his weird little lab it’s so cute

these little history nerds…

i rly thought nigel was gonna cuddle into him for a second

HELLO NIGEL IS STARING AT HIS LIPS????

“do you know what a pike is?” batting his eyes, looking as coquettish as possible. oh my god. oh my god.

CALLING HIM JACK. i’m so unwell this is so gay.

“we’ve been brought together for a reason” oh my god he thinks they’re murder soulmates

HIS SMILLLLEE

“for eternity.” gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

not him asking her out, nigel’s gonna be PISSED

the sword to his neck �� OMG THE RUNNING IT DOWN HIS SPINE WHAT THE FUCK

the way he says “jack” i’m gonna pass out

“my name is alex. stay away from me.” NOOO it’s ok nigel i’ll be your jack

taking the gay goggles off for a second nigel clearly is in desperate need of a friend and is trying so hard to make alex his friend and it’s making me super sad bc he doesn’t seem to quite understand why it’s not working :(((

but also nigel baby stop breaking into his room

it’s giving yandere tbh

“what’s with the knife” *biggest most innocent doe eyes* “i don’t know what you mean, jack”

HOLY SHIT NIGEL. I FIGURED HE WAS GONNA KILL HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK.

i feel bad for her fr tho she didn’t do nothin wrong. not her fault alex is oblivious to his psychopath boyfriend

lol alex looking around for nigel when he finds out she’s dead. he’s not stupid, i’ll give him that

HE TOOK THE KNIFE

nigel’s very bad at acting innocent

“i sense some hostility” NO REALLY

they look like they’re abt to kiss

“no jack, you did it.” babe.

“feels good to vent one’s anger doesn’t it jack””i don’t want any part of this” “too late for that”

oh he’s CRAZY

he so sure that alex is just as nuts as he is.

OHH MCKENZIE IS IN THE CLUB TOO?? INTERESTING

wtf happened to nigel’s parents

babe being cryptic is not helping your situation

OOOH ARE THEY GONNA FIND NIGEL’S LITTLE ROOM OF CREEPY SHIT

i bet his parents are dead

hehe the jack <3

his jars of dead shit are so weird

was that a drawing of the dead kid?

nigel has rly nice handwriting omg

idk if the knowledge that it’s purely for scientific interest makes the pictures of the sleeping girl better or worse

HE TAXIDERMIZED HIS PARENTS???

he calls them helen and john???

love him introducing alex like he’s his boyfriend

THE EYE CONTACT HELLO??

nigel looks so dead inside omg

“stop it, nigel :((“

OH HE MADE THE BIBLE??? i thought it was a book he had not smth he created that’s actually pretty cool

“our union” 🤨🤨 its giving marriage

“nigel was right about this” hmmm boyfriend behaviour

omg mckenzie SUCKS like he’s just kind of an asshole

“i knew you couldn’t resist a secret rendezvous <3”

“you didn’t know nigel”

DID HE FUCK HER CORPSE

“my dearest jack”

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER

THE PICTURES WERE OF HIS MOTHER????

his lack of reaction to her getting shot…

SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF 30 SECONDS

he’s so clinical about the cleanup…

he’s so pretty…

HES SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD

omg does he want jack to be his maraclea is that why he got the gun (ik his mom was his maraclea let me be delulu)

he rly thinks this is completely justified

HOLF SHIT HE PULLED THE TRIGGER

i’m so sad he’s dead :(( gimme my babygirl back

holy fuck alex got released

AND HE KEPT THE BOOK

“my beloved susan” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“nigel got what he wanted…eternity”

OH MY FUCKING GOD J CANT BELEJEV HE DID THAT… continuing nigel’s work… oh my fucking god

“you like history.” BITCH WHAT

Edit: I forgot to give the movie a rating .-. 500/10 i fucking loved it, i’m already making a forbie playlist

[nerd-at-sea5]

spam yellowjackets post

oh ok lottie you shouldn’t be peeing blood wtf

mari you’re 100% dying this ep i’m sure of it. but also good god i just wanna give her a hug

AKILAH AND NUGGET OMFG YES THIS IS ADORABLE AND ALSO SO HEARTBREAKING BUT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

wait. wait what the fuck. what the fuck?!?! NUGGET?

‘jeff did not come thru on the phone sex thing’ van omfg i adore you

‘he was in there really deep’ WHY DID NO ONE MAKE A THATS WHAT SHE SAID JOKE AND TAI PLS TELL HER YOU HELPED BURRY A BODY

ok thank you van for being yourself i love you also the messed up hair in this scene is just. yes.

lisa just giving lottie a ‘bitch wtf is going on’ look i love her so much

tai and van acting like an old married couple WOAH TRANSITION GODDAMN hold up why does van look a lil evil rn

OH HELLO OTHER TAI

oh rlly so now we come up w the leather eating jesus a bit late for that huh?

NAT THATS YOUR GF NO but also yay nat/ben bff bonding i love it

she is jealous of lottie bc she wants to date lottie

don’t eat him pls

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK BLOOD?!?! WHAT

oh she’s so dead. mari you are so dead-

fuck callie and jeff goddamnit

this cop is a piece of shit i hate him

oh my god callie i love you so much

HE DID NOT GO THERE. FUCKING BITCH.

goddamnit why is misty so good at her job. this is so fucked up

‘we all need things we can’t have shauna’ *taivan camera focus*

MISTY WHAT THE FUCK

hey woah why are we insulting natalie and shauna here MISTY STOP KILLING PEOPLE

i need ben to survive i will sob so hard if he doesn’t.

JAVI NAT BONDING YESSSSSS I LOVE I LOVE

holy shit he’s actually apologizing. no don’t forgive him that fast omfg. damnit nat cmon.

LOTTIE DO NOT ASK THEM TO EAT YOU OMFG

BEN WHERE ARE YOU GOING

misty explain what she did to jessica and then lottie’s shocked face + van’s ‘hands tied joke’ omfg yes

oh their finding out who the blackmailer was

walter no walter no walter no walter no walter no

jeff’s gonna do something not good

WHAT THE FUCK SHAUNA WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

ok it’s a nightmare? but still what the fuck

callie i love you

OH HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BABY. oh i’m gonna cry. i’m gonna fucking sob.

misty watch your fucking mouth-oh hey tai’s asleep. on nvm she not.

fuckkkkk tai….

oh my god van is the ONLY sane person here

lottie dude we have to talk about it listen to ur wife

oh my god stop killing people please

WHAT IS GOING O N I THOUGHT THERE WERE NO QUEENS IN THE DECK

also like some part of me is worried nat or van or two are gonna die but also like their NOT?

so now it’s just ben akilah and javi pls don’t die

shit natalie ik you survive but like fuck

OH SHIT SHES THE QUEEN IS SHE GONNA DIE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

she HAS A KNIFE TO HER WHAT SHE SURVIVES THO

oh my god nat way to be a badass while shauna is abt to kill you but also not THE FUCKING TIME like it’s gonna work but DUDE

DID VAN JUST SNARL?!

ben?! OH TRAVIS FUCK MISTY STFU

jesus this is horrible why are they all doing this jesus christ this isn’t ok JAVI NO.

goddamn the one time she gets screentime in the last few eps she’s being fucking hunted

the only way i’m not sobbing rn is bc i know she survives bc we see older her. it’s fine everything’s fine. nat’s gonna kill someone tho. i’m sure of it. but fuck.

lottie no. lottie no. nope no. STOP. also van is gonna die. but no.

‘misty. ya did actually kill someone.’ yeah mood. OK LOTTIE SHE HAS CANCER

yeah van’s dying. or it’ll cure cancer.

he found javi’s hideout? lordy this is creepy as fuck

yo he’s talking what??? i love him

oh he’s dying. FUCK.

MISTY STOP WHAT THE FUCK oh god misty. god travis is going to never recover.

fuck. dude even shauna and van look disturbed.

nat pls punch someone. cmon. you deserve it.

[d0ntw0rrybehappy]

journallllll 5/21

now that i’m moving out it’s gonna be harder to see my mom cause i’m further away and she’s gonna be sooo sad. i worry about my mom bc inside she is the world’s most lovable sweetest well-meaning person but she has less self-awareness/emotional control than most people so people judge her rly hard. i always want to be like guys just roll your eyes and let it go and let her know she is loved, she just has some weird kind of like, specific mom dementia/brain glitch, and deep down you KNOW this so lay off. there are so few people my mom lets in or will actually listen to. she was this kid runaway who built a life for herself in the art world copping designer clothes and flying to paree like a fucking pirate and then she had me instead of getting married and i’m one of the like MAYBE 3 people she actually likes. lol. nails & teeth metaphor “you’re the only one she’ll listen to” or “you’re the only one who can talk to her.” i miss her friend jaime who was an indubitably brilliant depressive semitic russian translator who never once judged my mom and they had this kind of relationship where they’d lie feet-to-head on a couch and just chat chat chat. she was my favorite of my mom’s friends. she died from cancer and self-neglect basically. bullshit. shauna’s friend alex reminded me of her the last night and i was like ugh i miss jaime. i wish my mom still had jaime!!! what am i gonna do? i have to have my own life but i have to protect my mom. stupid WASPs be like “you can’t take on your moms problems” shut the fuck up WASP you don’t know shit. other kids be rolling their moms around in wheel chairs and don’t complain you piece of individualist propaganda. nails & teeth metaphor the ignominious but resolute fighter (the progeny) lol.

so anyway this isn’t a post about my mom this is a post about henry cuz then i remembered henry lives on the west side like my mom. henry whom i’ve been on two dates with and have a major crush on. not a normal crush, a “oh you’re about to buy a horse son” level crush. and i imagined when i come to the west side, henry joining me for dinner on the days i visit my mom. not because that sounded like oh so much fun to him but because it was a way for us to spend time together. there are ppl who are married who do that kind of stuff for each other. it made me want to cry bc that would mean so much to me. this is fantasy henry not real henry but probably he would. i’ve only been on two dates with him and everyone is like avaaaaa don’t have too many expectations and like I KNOW i know i’m in it like ?? what’s the phrase? in it like jarvin? lol. besides if he dumped me i would DESERVE IT!!! i got fuckin’ KARMA to pay baby i broke more than a couple hearts the past couple years THIS IS WHAT THEY FELT LIKE?!? THEY FELT LIKE THIS?!?!?? wow FUCK

um but yeah obviously i would survive and if we break up it’s cause we’re not a match and there’s nothing *wrong* with me, duh, duhhhhh, totally notttttt a completely unhinged and slightly unhygienic individual, plus now i know what to look for - kind!!! stable!!! people!!! people i have a lot in common with!!! smart!!! part of the same world as me!!! people with a vision, a goal, passions!!! who take care of themselves!!! okay there’s gotta be lots of guys like that. so if it’s not henry FINE. but guyssssss guys i could actually see a future with him wtf was i doing before??? wowww i played so many games without realizing. 

anyway so we’ve only been on 2 dates so far but i am fully smitten with him (with spells of crushing doubt) and if one more person tells me to play it cool and not have expectations i WILL bite bc bitch I KNOW can you give me SOME OTHER KIND OF ADVICE PLS i have obviously not TOLD him any of this so stop putting more pressure on me to act or feel a certain way trust me I GET IT. and i think it’s dumb this is the advice given to women anyway.

also i’m going to europe probably for an entire month and as long as i don’t lose my job i’m gonna have a fucking amazing summer. losing job doesn’t seem that plausible, however, terrifying thought, bc i’m on my own now and need the moolah. and was a little uneven the past few months but that’s just a learning lesson ig. plus there’s always more jobs. right??? right. *sailor moon handhold sparkle fx*

ok thanks for being witnesses to my online diary my friends anxietyposting on here actually kind of helps, really excited for the future, it’s amazing that i’m getting these opportunities and the reason i’m so anxious is bc i care and i have something to lose. !

[0fft0neverland]

I just need to seriously accept and get over the fact that you’re not in love with me. You resent me still I think.. I know you thought someone was better and more capable of taking care and loving you than me isn’t that why you chose them… You told me you didn’t think I could..

You only love and miss me as a friend which is absolutely heart breaking.

I’m slowly driving you insane…I’m such a great person 😃 I deserve literally all this shit.

I would like this universe to send me someone who will believe in me and actually stay for the battles I myself even fear acknowledging sometimes & not prove me wrong about the good ones in this world….

I wanna be happy so bad but I’m already too deep in it… it’s not cute anymore I’m a whole ass adult and I’m just a fucking disaster. I literally am drowning..

I can’t even show my true self because people are like WTF EM???? Yea guys I’m dark asf it’s not a stupid front. It’s literally like I have my own personal Venom and Hulk within me.

I don’t want to lose you in my life… when I’m with you I feel so comforted and happy yet also so alone and sad… it’s confusing… I’m not sure if you feel the same?

I struggle with you having been with me but still dating this person that you apparently care for. You being happy having someone to text and be flirty lovey with and I have no one except you who I’m still very much in love with.. you may not have friend but at least you have love and a friend in one person. And you’ve already done a bunch of cool shit & it will continue over and over. She’ll knock you off your feet…

I’m a fucking loser. How do I compete with a full grown settled in cop who makes 100k lol and can do whatever and fly you out and do all that cool shit. I’m waiting for the day you move in with her… you already see each other every month…

Idk what to do anymore.. I wish really wish I could turn off my feelings for you and in general. I just feel tossed away and replaced like you found something better. It took less than a month. I’m an idiot. But I guess so is that ugly bitch.

This shit is foul and cruel.

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

Jason’s the family cryptid

Headcannon on that Jason's actually the family cryptid because his default on anything is to be short and vague. The family has to regularly check in on Jason when he's not in Gotham, otherwise they won't hear from him for months. but he won't answer Bruce, so Bruce will tell a random different batfam member to check in every week. (If Jason notices a pattern he'll ghost that person for a while, so it had to stay random). But they do so and that's fine, but his answers are the cause of his cryptid status. So when prompted he'll say something batshit crazy, but when they ask for him to clarify, it's absolutely not helpful. After that though he'll ghost them about it and whenever asked he'll say that same thing, no more details added, ever. So everyone knows he's done weird things, which is normal for the bats, but because he's never explained the situations, is so much weirder. Some examples include-

-

Dick: you missed our check in, everything good?

Jason: sorry, killer mimes.

Dick: . . . Long version?

Jason: killer mimes in Paris.

Dick: Jason that's not helpful. Explain.

Dick: . . . Jason

Dick: Jason answer me, wtf happened?

-

Damian: Father has requested I contact you for your check in.

Jason: lazarus pit.

Damian: Todd!

Damian: You have been told to stay away from those!

Jason: it's not at Nanda Parbat anymore.

Damian: . . . WHAT?!

Damian: Todd explain yourself!

Damian: Todd!!

-

Steph: check in, still not dead?

Jason: checking in, still alive.

Steph: cool. Where are you now?

Jason: just gave my best memory away

Steph: wtf Jason?! What was it?

Jason: dunno, ask the immortal baby man.

Steph: this is why you're the family disappointment.

-

Cass: little brother good?

Jason: sorry, shower was on fire

Cass: ?

Cass: showers use water?

Jason: I was in it.

Cass: little brother ok?

Cass: . . .

Cass: I'm calling Alfred

Jason: I'm ok, it was on purpose

Cass: :)

Cass: I think

-

Duke: checking in? B said to, dunno what it entails.

Jason: you're making sure I’m not insane or dead.

Duke: that's not reassuring but I guess that's normal here? So checking in?

Jason: Rent-a-bat

Duke: . . . What?

Jason: he named us REDARSE

Duke: what does that even mean?!

-

Babs: Jason

Jason: Barbie

Babs: check in.

Jason: ex possessed a date to kill me

Babs: how'd that happen?

Jason: sword

-

Bruce: Jason please answer. You've been ghosting everyone.

Jason: fuck off.

Jason: I was in space.

Bruce: why? You've never gone off planet so suddenly before.

Jason: new gear too

Bruce: . . .

-

Dick: checking in time.

Jason: I did your old girl before we saved Roy

Dick: which one?

Jason: now she's doing Roy

Dick: who?

Dick: Jason who?

Dick: . . . Goddammit Jason

-

Kate: you dead yet?

Jason: no, new team tho

Kate: lovely. Who's on it?

Jason: a hulk child and badass with an ax

Kate: I'll tell Bruce

-

Tim: dead?

Jason: sadly no

Tim: so fucking.

Tim: check in.

Jason: was taking out guys before going back to out invisible floating cube.

Tim: say what now?

Tim: your what now?

Jason: oh I used my tazer titties

Tim: YOUR WHAT?!

-

Steph: my turn again.

Steph: time to play dead, alive, or fuckin weird.

Jason: I'm a teacher now.

Steph: . . . Please tell me your an English teacher or something?

Jason: they're gonna kill so many people.

Steoh: fuckin weird it is!

-

Damian: Todd, report.

Jason: Shush, dealing with knock off Croc

Damian: Jones cousin perhaps?

Jason: he's cool, like a dragon.

Damian: I will alert father to your new pet.

Jason: he's in space now.

Damian: . . . Why do I even try anymore?

-

Dick: how's it going little wing?

Jason: small midest town wants my head.

Dick: . . . Wwwhhhyyyyy?

Jason: killed a cop with my magic swords.

Dick: you did what with your what now?

-

Tim: sup nerd. What'ya up to?

Jason: my ex possessed my other ex.

Tim: think Babs mentioned that?

Jason: yeah but I'm sad.

Tim: that's reasonable.

Jason: no, I think she killed dog.

Tim: which one?

Tim: you have a dog?

Tim: Jason, seriously, what the fuck?

Tim: which ex?

Tim: when did you get a dog?

Tim: what was its name?

Jason: he was dog.

Tim: you're bad at this.

-

*note, these are not in order, but all have happened.

[animentality]

Yo who calls a girl that you’re fucking dating, who has the nerve to cry in front of you, a “human hosepipe?”

Oh look at me, I’m Harry Potter. I went through a horrible traumatic experience where I watched a semi-friend die right in front of me...I literally spent an entire year screaming and being angry and sad and anxious...

And there’s this chick who kind of knows what I went through, because she used to date the boy who got murdered in front of me...

But wtf, she’s crying about it??? All the time?

LOL. 

Like how does it not immediately paint Harry Potter as the biggest fucking douche bag in the world??

CEDRIC DIED NEXT TO HIM. 

Of COURSE his girlfriend is gonna think about him when she sees his ass. 

Of COURSE she’s fucking sad. SHE’S FUCKING FIFTEEN. 

SHE HAS EMOTIONS, HARRY.

THAT AREN’T JUST SCREAMING AT HER FRIENDS LIKE YOU HAVE DONE FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK YOU WERE DATING. 

JESUS CHRIST. 

LET A GIRL CRY. 

And it’s even worse, because it’s like Harry then goes: 

Bitch’s got baggage.

Gotta dump her...because HER BEST FRIEND betrayed the fucking group. 

Where’s my best friend’s sister? I’d rather shag that. 

At least she doesn’t have any fucking baggage. 

Unbelievable. 

Harry Potter really is a jock turned cop. 

The boy has nothing BUT baggage in book five, and the one person who might be able to understand what it was like to lose someone...a fucking teenager...

oh she’s so funny cuz she cries.

haha.

i think it’s funny jk rowling “supports” women so badly she has to be a terf.

because cho chang got treated like trash. 

and for what reason?

cuz harry’s like haha women have emotions.

hermione is superior cuz she’s smart and doesn’t cry. 

haha, strong woman. 

go fuck yourself, harry potter, you’re a pig. 

[yakumtsaki]

-Wish you would have seen Shajar’s face when I showed up, huhu!💗 -Her dumb ass really thought you’d stay dead, she cried herself to sleep last night LOL

Ya and that was the most anyone in this house cried about the Cyn death debacle, I still can’t get over how much these people didn’t care. The icy blood of Victoria clearly flows through our veins.

-Wyatt, I’m here in this bathroom after our failed geriatric coitus attempt to autonomously lecture you about your diminishing libido! -Je suis désolé, mon chéri, but je suis alsò seventié :( -That’s no excuse! Why, when my mother was seventy, she was fornicating with Malcolm Landgraab so often she broke his penis, and even that didn’t stop her! The hospital had to put guards outside his room!

Speaking of geriatric fornication, it’s that time of night: cucking Don time. We take our latest geezer boy-toy to P.U.R.E and its deathtrap flamethrowers! Bucket Hat Townie stop judging us.

Bucket Hat Townie:

Hehe.

FINALLY. Man I have had it with these fossils playing hard to get.

Mary Gavigan next to the flames of Hell: O.O

Ok we’re done here Cyn! See you never, grandpa. So here’s our score so far:

We have the Slob, Don, CADP (Culturally Appropriating Drama Professor), Jack Do, iVan, ProbablyJeff, CBG (Charlatan Beard Geezer), Malcolm, Wren, Castor Nova, and Matthew Hart aka 11/20! We’re doing pretty well, and especially now that Cyn is back from the dead and her lifebar has reset we have all the time in the world..

..but I don’t wanna go back to the house and train pets! We hit up Londoste and we also hit bullseye with JSTWG (Jon Smith Tricou Wannabe Geezer) here.

Immediately after introducing ourselves to him, JSTWG hits us with this. Honestly I was tempted because the thought of Cyn as a Twitch streamer with an army of simps was HILAR but if she gets a job we won’t have time for our hoeing so we have to decline.

Things are going well, we bring up our dead grandma as one does on dates..

..we flirt..

..we learn that Andrea Hogan is apparently a cop who walks around in a gown all day..

..AND WE GET REJECTED. JSTWG WTF

Thankfully Cyn is always more than happy to override others’ free will and immediately rolls the voodoo want, just like she did when she got rejected by Malcolm lmao. Fakest 10 nice points EVER.

-The power of the voodoo doll compels you, huhu!🌸

Well isn’t that better! It’s a dream date with JSTWG, which refills Cyn’s motives and I’m like fuck it, you don’t walk away from the table when you’re on a roll-

-so back to the diner of love we go, hoping to catch the early bird special. 

Clearly this guy went to the ProbablyJeff School of Self-Cucking but I accept this time because I’m curious who we’ll get..

WHAT LMAO. KENNEDY. Aren’t you gay??

Clearly not! So it turns out this blind date thing is like the matchmaker when you spend max cash, you get a triple bolter BUT in this case you also get a nice relationship bonus! Like it took 2 interactions for them to become friends, iconic.

-Kennedy, don’t tell anyone, but my grandma who’s been dead for 40 years cheated on my grandpa! Scandalous, huhu!💗 -Oh I know, I was there!

So this was literally the easiest hook-up Cyn has ever had, like I could not believe how perfectly it went-

-this much chemistry with Kennedy Cox of all people??? 

This is not ACR btw, I never use it for Cyn’s LTW because I feel it’s cheating, this all just organically happened over a single date! If I had known this earlier I would have just married Cyn to Kennedy!!!

Cyneswith has woohooed in public a lot so a bunch of the townies have been at one of her previous photobooth romps, I like to think of it as following your team during a championship, you just travel wherever the next match is.

Bruh. I still can’t believe that under his plaid shirt, shorts, and calf socks, Kennedy was hiding this much sexual prowess! It’s always the ones you don’t expect.

We return home, where it’s still night time because I keep forgetting to download that mod that fixes the community lot time thing, and spend some quality time with iVan, whom Cyn is obsessed with ever since he saved her from Death’s embrace.

-Huhu, I got you iVan!🌸 -𝙸𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚛; 𝚁𝚞𝚗: 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚍.𝚎𝚡𝚎;

-Let me tell you, Shaj, when me and Kennedy were in that photobooth.. Pure magic, huhu!💗

Don: *leans on the wall emo-ly and cuckedly* (he’s actually just doing that stretching thing, I haven’t seen that since Marissa in gen 1! memories <3)

Come on Don, a few skill points away from LTW!

-Ya it’s a bit hard to concentrate with whatever the hell’s going on behind me.

There’s nothing going on behind you!

iVan:

[royal-confessions]

“I already thought Harry was too much before. With him launching this new court case, I am out words how to call him. It's new level.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Of course the first major Sussex news of the year is them bashing and complaining like they always do. New year, same old shit.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Can prince Harry turn out to be even bigger brat? He CHOOSE to leave. He cannot have the cake and eat it. He won't get any security from us and he can stomp his feet all he likes, he isn't getting any and any politician for such move is commiting political suicide.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Here is thought: If somewhere is unsafe to visit, don't go there! Prince Harry is being difficult on purpose. He keeps putting himself into difficult situations and then complains it is difficult and expects to be saved by others. He is nearly 40. Such man-child!” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Just when you thought Harry couldn’t get stupider, he says he wants cops to protect him and his family. I am exhausted by his behaviour” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Harry "inherited a security risk for life, from birth". Oh boo hoo. "I live a life of privilege most people can only dream of. My wallet's too small for my 50s and my diamond shoes are too tight!" Get some perspective Mr Wales, you're embarrassing yourself by not reading the room at all.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Didn't Harry say the reason he left the BRF was that they weren't paying for his security? And now he wants them to pay for his security despite the fact that he's left? Does this man have any brains?” - Submitted by Anonymous

“yo harry wtf is up with your entitled ass asking the fucking POLICE for security!! theyre police not bodyguards” - Submitted by Anonymous

“The British police do not undertake private contracts - that is part of their original charter which enables them to act (from back when Peel first envisioned a national police force). IF Harry wants to pay for protection, there are PLENTY of private protection companies, the British police is not one of them.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“If the British police could simply be paid off to provide their services and protection to private individuals, that's technically corruption. If Harry wants protection, go hire private security. Admittedly private security won't be as comprehensive as official British police security but they made their bed, and ought to learn to accept their consequences.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“How thick you have to be not get that police's job is not to act as private security? All these years I thought rumours of Harry being dumb are unfounded, but he trully is! Just get private security! It's not that hard if you have money.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“No one is denying Harry security in the UK. Harry is more than welcome to hire private security like every other celebrity does when they come to the UK and pay for it 'til his heart's content. What he's being denied are taxpayer funded RPOs and access to Scotland Yard briefings.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“People really only see point C and not the A/B. Harry wants RPO’s ( like Americas secret service) to be given to him. Secret service agents are not for hired for private citizens which the Sussex are. President kids get them for only certain time after their no longer in office. MET police, even thought it has the word police, it’s not your typical policing but special forces. Before you bring Charles and Camilla, he hired retired officers to protect her during dating years. Harry can hired retired ones, if Princess Haya who has been threatened and her children almost kidnapped has no RPOs then the Sussex can used the same protection as her.” - Submitted by Anonymous

[absolutebl]

Thank you so much for your post on soulmates!! It’s one of my favourite tropes, along with mafia storylines. Do you have any mafia recommendations? I don’t care if it’s gay, lesbian, hetero, non-binary. I just love the mafia ones. Especially if they actually have a plot, like Manner of Death!!

Btw, supportive of the name change! Nice one!

Thank you!

I love a mafia too! Although I only really pay attention to queer and romantic stuff.  

Hard to find these days, it seems to be thought of as somewhat old fashioned. 

Let’s see...

BL Mafia Stuff 

Long Time No See (Korea 2017) is about two hitmen who fall in love via online gay fanfic without knowing they are hitmen on opposite sides of a turf war. Or do they? It’s absolutely great and very under appreciated. On GaGa. 

HIStory 3: Trapped (Taiwan 2019) is about a cop investigating a cold case where a mafia boss is the only witness. Along the way to solving it, they fall in love. Side characters = mercenary hitman meets nerdy cop of his dreams, cooks for him. Main couple ends ambiguously, side couple ends happy. On Viki. 

3 Will Be Free (Thailand 2019) is about a mafia kid, a stripper, and a grifter who accidentally kill a hitman and then have to go on the run, with two assassins chasing them. Along the way the three of them basically fall in love with each other. You also get the mafia hitmen perspective. It’s GREAT and very queer. On GMMTV’s YouTube channel. 

Where Your Eyes Linger (Korea 2020) ostensibly high school set about a poor kid whose been raised in a mafia kid’s family specifically to protect him (whipping boy trope). Themes of codependency and survival and pretty classic Korean style romance ending. On Viki. 

Golden Blood (Thailand 2021) a Thai BL pulp with the whipping boy trope about a boy who is pulled off the streets because he has the correct blood type and trained to be the servant/caretaker/bodyguard of a rich mafia kid. They fall in love. On YouTube. 

Manner of Death (Thailand 2021) this is a gay romantic suspense featuring a doctor and a mafia brother character. It’s not strictly BL, and it’s more a murder mystery than a mafia romance, but it is great. On WeTV. 

Not Me (Thailand 2022) this is crime thriller about a group of motorcycling malcontents bent on bring down a corrupt system. Overtly queer, the romantic threads are not entirely the narrative drivers and it’s very slender on tropes, making this one, like MoD more gay romantic suspense than BL. But if a gritty tension is what you’re after, this one has that in spades. On GMMTV’s YouTube channel. 

KinnPorsche (Thailand 2022) is airing 2022 and I will dominate this niche. So far fandom seems to love it, I’m finding the directing and tone uneven, but the chemistry and acting is spot on. On iQIYI (ironically). 

Mafia... Tangential? 

Because of You (Taiwan + Korea 2020) is about a family of brothers who seem to be THAT kind of family. Uneven but ultimately cute. And I love listening to the contrast between Korean and Mandarin since characters speak in both languages. On Viki. 

Irresistible Love (China 2016) is mafia esk but it’s very rough and censorship got its weird mits all over it. Mafia boss has obsession with his family’s butler. Sometimes pops up on YouTube. It’s in two parts and the second part has two endings, you want the one that ends not entirely unhappily. 

Advance Bravely (China 2017) is about a security firm that provides services to grey businesses, but again with censorship and a serious WTF ending. It’s about a rich pretty boy trailing after the hunky head of the security team and getting them both into trouble. On YouTube. 

Unforgotten Night (Thailand) is coming hopefully in 2022 and looks like the arsehole CEO dumpster fire version of KinnPorsche. It should be gloriously terrible, we hope. 

(source) 

dated mid 2022, not responsible for mafia trash that drops after that date 

[gonnabreakhisheart]

after watching the first two seasons, I have to say, I FUCKING HATE TOMMY SHELBY. He is a TERRIBLE person with zero point zero redeeming qualities!!! D:

this past season...WTF. what he did to Lizzie...disgusting. 

as he was sobbing while walking away from his grave I was just like, “oh you’re fucking crying for yourself?? are you crying for Lizzie?? Or Michael??? or Polly? Or any of the innocent victims of your bullshit this season?” 

also, the Finn/Michael and Grace/Lizzie parallels were really fucking illuminating. basically, if you’re a real person to Tommy, then he gives a fuck about your suffering. but if you’re “just” a prostitute or a cousin, then your safety and wellbeing is just not a big concern. and better yet, he sooo doesn’t give a fuck about Michael that Polly ended up getting hurt as well. you’d think he’d give a fuck about his family members being raped at least because Michael and Polly are both important to the business, and they’re not going to be as useful to Tommy if they have PTSD (or...more PTSD, really). but no, Tommy is such a selfish a-hole that he can’t even foresee that getting Michael out of jail would have benefitted himself in the long run. besides, he had MUCH more important things to focus on, like cheating with Grace (who also has no redeeming qualities--they deserve each other so perfectly!).

also, I know this is a rant-post about how much I hate Tommy, but special mention has to go to how up-her-butt Grace is. a dude got SHOT mere feet from where she was sitting and she literally didn’t notice. how the fuck was she ever a spy? and she’s so MEAN. like, that might seem petty in a show where people are slicing each other with razor blades, and children are getting tortured and Tom Hardy is murdering people during religious holidays >_< but Grace is honestly a horrible bitch for no reason. May was being perfectly civil and Grace is like, “oh, I’m so clever and moral. and so much better than you. how dare you date my boyfriend when he was single and I was married.” how the fuck does she have a single moral ground to stand on? she cheated, lied, betrayed, and then acts like she’s so desperately in love. sure, I totally buy that she’s madly in love with the guy she barely dated, barely knew, and banged twice. sounds legit

Grace’s horribleness compounds Tommy’s horribleness, because he thinks she’s the greatest thing ever, and also apparently the love of his life? Tommy is a gangster and I’m still judging him for forgiving and dating Grace. Like, Tommy, I know you’re a terrible person and all, but try to have some standards. I can’t get over Tommy using Lizzie like that though, especially after what happened with Grace. like, Tommy, the last time you tried to exploit a woman for personal gain you BARELY got there in time. but of course, this doesn’t matter because it’s Lizzie, not Grace. like how it didn’t matter because Michael, not Finn, got thrown in prison. Ugg, if only Tommy had the dignity to “get lost” when Esme suggested it. Or maybe just listened to Esme from the start, and then none of this would have happened. But then again, when does Tommy do anything sensible? It’s much easier to make risky plays for $$$, and piss off corrupt cops, and have innocent people pay the price.