#like yes i do hate my job | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hopeswriting · 8 months ago

Text

imagine you're luce, and you're born the heir to a mafia family. you're mafia-born, and so of course also mafia-raised, and then also a donna-to-be. you're raised to be able to take on the role, to be good and capable at it, are taught to make one of your core beliefs about how the many must come before the few, because the family must always come first. you're going to be the donna, of course you must always prioritize the family above all else, it's your foremost and most important duty.

if caring about the few too comes at the price of the many, comes at the price of the family, is it even worth it? if the happiness gained from it comes at the price of a greater suffering for others, is there even any meaning to it, even if it's your happiness we're talking about? you understand, don't you?

you're not sure if you do, but you care about your family, love it, want to do right by it once you become their donna, so you nod, listen and learn.

(you don't have to be taught the pain and loss and guilt and anger and bitterness is a fair price to pay for the pain you decide has to be inflicted and the sacrifices you decide must be made, including by yourself. it's the least you could do, even.)

imagine you're luce, and the gift of foresight runs through your blood.

you would not call it a gift. you did not ask for it either. and you'll never come to see it as something wanted by you.

you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course it's exactly the way you wanted it to go. you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course you didn't care to try hard enough to change it. you saw the future before the shape of it had yet to be breathed into existence, and who's to say it didn't come into existence only because you saw it happen? you saw the future, and it happened worse than it had to for it.

you can see the future, but you still can't make it anything else than what it was always going to be. you can even make the visions happen at your will, but you still have no say on what you see or how much you see. you still can only be the witness of it before anyone else can.

it does mean double and longer the happiness sometimes, means relief and gratefulness and hope beyond words, and it'd be cruel of you to voice out loud your feelings for others to hear the many more times it means something else.

you can see the future, and it doesn't make it any kinder on you than on anyone else, does not give you any more power or control over it than anyone else, but at least you can see the future. you're given the time to make peace with it, to brace yourself for it, to bargain with it, to plead and beg and fight against it however desperately and hopelessly, even if in the end it still happens exactly as you saw it would.

(you can see the future, and it still doesn't hurt you any less than anyone else when it happens, but you don't expect anymore for anyone to hold you any less responsible for it anyway. it would be nice for someone to do it one day, but you understand.)

you can see the future, and you decide it's a kindness to both yourself and others to keep it for yourself as much as possible whenever you can.

imagine you're luce, and your family has this set of rings they've looked after and protected for as long as your family has existed. they're one set of three of the most important artifacts in the world, ones that help in safeguarding its existence and balance. they're duty, the very first one and the most important one your family was created for.

the pacifier around your mother's neck is duty too, and the most important and powerful artifact among twenty-one in safeguarding the world and its balance. it's been passed down in your family too, from mother to daughter. it's duty, but less tied to your family and much more to the blood running through your veins. it's a curse, in fact, as it demands heavy sacrifices the rings don't, and one that can only be tied to the blood running through your veins.

(your mother looks at you as if expecting some kind of reaction from you, and you can only wonder at which point you weren't supposed to see it as a given. duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for a long time now. is it even duty if it doesn't require any sacrifices from you?)

imagine you're luce, and your mother dies for duty. she's the donna, and so she dies for your family. she's the sky arcobaleno, and so she dies for the world. she's your mother, but she dies anyway, doesn't fight it either, even knowing she will leave you behind, even knowing she won't ever get to see what you look like all grown-up.

everywhere you look, duty stares back at you, from your mother and the pacifier around her neck, her love for your family and the life she gives up for it, her love for you and how she dies anyway while you're still only a child. duty, from your family members and how they die for you and kill for you, how they do both at your command, how their lives are in the palms of your hands and how they weigh only as much as you allow them to at a time. duty, from the knowledge your foresight gives you and the shackles tied to the blood running through your veins.

your mother's only duty while she lives too. she loves you, but she'd have had to give birth to you anyway even if she didn't. she loves you, but she still gave birth to you even knowing the kind of life you'd have to live, the kind of hands you'd inevitably end up with, the burdens she'd have to lay on your shoulders, passing them down from her own. because she loves you, she finds the resolve to raise you to be able to face all of it head-on and come out on top, but she'd have had to raise you much the same way anyway even if she didn't.

(she doesn't die for you, doesn't fight to be able to keep living with you, and this, too, is your mother surrendering to duty one last time.)

(you're so sick of it, so angry at it, so hateful and resentful against it. you're so stifled by it to the point you've stopped being able to breathe for a long time now. or you would have been if they had taught you how to face duty in this way too.

it's for the better they didn't. a silver lining, sparing you pain that isn't necessary for you to go through. everyone you turn to only teaches you how to keep holding your breath longer, and you listen and learn, obedient and dutiful as you've ever been.

you're grateful for it too. really, you are.)

everywhere you look, there's no room for you to so much as question any of it, let alone anything more. duty is commendable, something you ought to look up to and strive towards, strive to achieve. duty is the right thing to do. of course it is.

(you exhale a breath of relief that shakes you down to your very core.

thank god, it's at least the right thing to do.

you're grateful for it beyond words. really, you are.)

imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know the choice you'll make when climbing that mountain, when standing on top of it, when waiting for a bright light to shine down on you from above. you know the choice you'll make then, even when pregnant with your daughter.

it doesn't matter since how long you knew, be it years, months, days, hours or minutes before. all that matters is that before you can even contemplate the idea of making another choice and all its implications and possible consequences, before the thought can even come alive in your mind, you already know the choice you'll make.

(you can see the future, but just because you already saw it, it doesn't mean it's now set in stone.

you can see the future, but just because you're given the chance to fight to change it, it doesn't mean it still won't happen every bit like you saw it.

it doesn't mean it can't still happen even worse than how you first saw it happen because you fought to change it, no matter how already dreadful it originally was.)

imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know they'll be others with you standing on top of that mountain. you're the only one who'll know it before it happens.

(because you can see the future.

and oh, you did not ask for it.)

they're strangers, people you don't owe anything to. adults who choose to show up at the first meeting, and to show up to every following mission after that. the chosen seven, whose ambitions and prides lead them to walk the path of the seven strongest too once laid down in front of them.

you don't force their hands in making any of those choices for them. you're not responsible for any of them.

you become coworkers then, accomplices, your hands stained in blood to various extent, but now dipping in the same pool of blood as you strive towards the same goal together. you have each other's backs, learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, learn each other's personalities, likes and dislikes. you keep having to spend more time together as the missions keep coming your way.

inevitably, you come to care about them. even more damning, they come to care about you in return. enough so they'll look after your daughter even after what'll happen on top of that mountain. enough so they'll look after your granddaughter too, warmly and fondly enough she'll call one of them uncle.

you're still the only one who knows they'll stand together with you on top of that mountain, not knowing what'll happen on it like you do.

and you do care about them, you swear you do. really, you do.

(you care about them the same way your mother cared about you, and how she still raised you to have steel in you and be made of sharp edges you know how to use. you care about them the same way you care about your family, and how you still send them to their deaths as needed so the rest of your family you care about just the same can keep on living longer and safely. this is the only way you've had the chance to learn how to care and love.

duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for as long as you can remember. it doesn't matter at which point sacrifices came to mean love to you too.

and most of all, you love your daughter more than anything else in the world.)

imagine you're luce, and this is who you are. this is who you've been raised to be, the only way you've been given room to grow up to be. this is the life you've lived and the kind of life that has shaped you as the person you are now. this is what you've been taught and told is the best version of yourself you could have grown up to be. this is who you ended up being by what you've been taught and told are all the right choices to make.

you're still the only one who knows what is about to happen on top of that mountain. it hasn't happened yet. the fate of the world hangs on what'll happen on top of that mountain, the same world you'll have to give birth to your daughter in. the same daughter you're currently pregnant with.

now imagine you're luce, look me in the eye and tell me you'd know how to even form the thought of the possibility of there being any other choice to make. look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't look at the only choice in front of you, and know deep in your bones it's the only right choice to make. that it is right of you to make it. because it simply has to be.

(imagine you're luce, and you're not doomed by the narrative. of course, you're not.

why would you need to be when the narrative has painstakingly shaped you all your life to become its perfect, faithful and dutiful sacrificial lamb?

and then, imagine you're luce, and you're even grateful for it, so, so very grateful it held up its end of the bargain too.

truly, you are.)

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr meta #khr headcanons #khr luce #khr arcobaleno #arcobaleno curse #sky arcobaleno #this post is first and foremost for the luce stans girlies #so maybe like. the whole five of us tops 😌#everyone else is also welcome to interact with this post but yes i am a luce stan who's very pro she didn't ever do anything wrong ever #and i know that and i love her for it <3 #but also this is not a 'this is why you should love luce too actually' post #or even a 'this is why you should forgive her for the choices she made actually' post #like i totally get how and why one can dislike/hate her. genuinely #but this is a 'you totally lose me if you then follow up by saying she still doesn't deserve understanding or compassion or sympathy or #even pity' post #i mean come on. she WAS standing on top of that mountain too. she bore the curse just the same as them. was as much a victim of it as the #rest of them. in fact the sky arco curse is arguably the WORST of them all so like. yeah #the sky arco but luce specifically to me is such a tragic character is what this post is about #definitely not enough for her to be considered as doomed by the narrative but like #the narrative was in need of (seven) someone to take one for the team and tho it did choose luce without asking for her opinion about it #/she/ then decided that the best course of action was for her to /let/ herself become perfect for the job and like???#i just love thinking about the implications of it and how she might have ended up with that kind of mentality #my girl has never been okay a day in her life and i also will never be normal about it <3 #also i might also post this one on ao3 in the following days so it can reach like. maybe a whole two more luce stan girlies 😌

50 notes · View notes

justaz · 6 months ago

Text

i've been so scared of the ao3 curse that i swore to myself i would only post stories i've written in their entirety just so i can post it all and be done with it - no chance for the ao3 curse to get me. but alas i was so excited about this one fic i'm writing that i posted a chapter without the story being completed and now i feel like death. i haven't been sick in literal years. this sucks. woe is me.

#ao3 curse #is a terrifying concept that i never wanted to so much as test #like wtf could it do #what if i lost my job or something #so i've never wanted to experiment #yes i am that superstitious btw #who wouldn't be #i'm gonna try and finish that damn fic and post it all bc i fucking hate being sick #and this is literally the worst i have ever felt #prayer circle that it works

30 notes · View notes

2hoothoots · 2 years ago

Text

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me #the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this #and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change #it deletes like half the post you just typed out #(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump #but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags #there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs #i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time #but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids #omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez #i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them #and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate #oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point #i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share #i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main #idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process #and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources #so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see #our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored #alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well

246 notes · View notes

itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago

Text

#on Friday one of my students was like 'are you a swiftie' and i said yes #and this one boy was like i have never heard you mention her #and i gave myself a mental high five for my own restraint #i have really tried to tamp down on that this year because things just get out of hand too fast otherwise #then of course 6th period came around and my defenses were gone and it was Friday and several students were gone #so I spoke on her and what I believed her legacy would be lol #and then I felt really bad about that decision :((((( for some reason #the kids loved it. but that is no sign that it was the right call!#anyway still reflecting #i did love that the student didn't know #i really want to be restrained both in general but especially about Taylor in my professional setting #and just. not be opening myself up to needless barbs about her but also not alienating people?#i HATE alienating people i want to reach all of them and the less I have standing in my way the better #so kind of constantly diffusing what threatens to blow up out of proportion #is like. half of my job #another student asked me immediately afterwards if i liked Kanye and i said gently that i did not know Kanye's music so i couldn't tell him #but like. i'm not getting into it you know? i'm not getting into the Taylor Culture Wars or whatever. I will not fan the flames of that #with students especially. but also i do care about her she's such a real part of my heart and my outlook #that sometimes I feel compelled to speak!#and just let them know what's going on in my heart #but yeah. as with many feelings relating to Taylor i often feel bad or foolish immediately afterwards for being vulnerable #kind of no position more vulnerable than taking the side of a millionaire pop star that people love to hate on #kidding!!! but I mean it's not wholly untrue #i like to think i try to move the space of the conversation immediately into something both grounded and relevant #when I do bring her up. and hopefully away from the worst bits of the inflammatory nature of Taylor discussions.#i hope it's healing for somebody/does any good.#but i have no way of knowing #i'm just rambling. it's saturday night and i had half a very strong drink #so my mind's just mulling.

12 notes · View notes

notmoreflippingelves · 1 year ago

Text

It's dawned on me suddenly

And for no obvious reason

That I can't go on

Living as I am.

#esteban flores #elena of avalor #disneyedit #eoaedit #don't you hate it when you have a blorbo; a million song lyrics that suit them; and no photoshop skills to speak of?#esteban flores and pierre bezukov (specifically the version in great comet) would get along great tho #the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present)#the same intellectual snobbery as a faulty mask for profound and permanent self-loathing #the same...'survivor's guilt ' isn't even the right word...it's definitely that but it's also just 'existence' guilt #like 'yes; I failed to die alongside those I love on the battlefield. but even before that; I failed at being loved in the way I wanted to'#'which is like the one job we are supposed to have as humans: to love and be loved.'#'once I'd like to think I was worthy but now I know that I am not. I have wasted my chances and made too many mistakes'#of course they both Esteban and Pierre still ARE worthy of love but it takes time and effort and willingness to change to find it #am going to try to also do something with 'dust and ashes' at some point #not to mention like my million BATB broadway; Frozen broadway and JCS lyrics that suit Esteban #myedits #mygifs #obligatory ' I used to be butter; I used to be butter; I used to be butter' joke here

51 notes · View notes

fortjester · 11 months ago

Text

ur supposed to get one period a month yea? not me. i'm periodmaxing. we're on the fourth month of the year and guess how many periods i've had. brother, we are solidly on no. 7

#fuck off lou #my post #i know this is bad and yes im trying to figure out why this is happening #if i wasnt anemic before i sure am now #losing more blood than a stabbing victim #how was there only four days between my last one ending #and this one starting #a damn mystery to me ill tell you that much #i want to rip my uterus out and replace it w a cd player #make better use of the space ya know #but i cant even get my tubes tied until im 23 #like hell are they gonna let me throw the whole ute out #but guys. what if he sucks. like doc i kbow youre just doing your [patriarchal] job #fr. get real. he sucks. hes a bastard. he hates me and wants me dead #lemme kill him first it will be SO so funny #in other news. i may be in hell

25 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 6 months ago

Text

i miss her…

#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all #but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up #a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less #and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads #anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time #he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often #my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know #i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona #i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye #oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man

14 notes · View notes

sk8erama · 2 months ago

Text

Day 1 of spending no money was a success but idk how much of that can be contributed to me since my grandma paid for my lunch and my dad paid for my dinner 😝

STILL THO I think before I got to bed tn I’m gonna dec out my new bag so I can finally start using it, and I think I’ll put my wallet minus credit cards in there.

I know this won’t be the biggest help since most of my big frivolous purchases happen online but still, i think it’ll be good to at least remind me that I can’t be as careless about it as i used to be.

ALSO I finally got my bathroom all cleaned up and organized 🙏 I knows it’s just one small part of my room but I’m so relieved to have SOMETHING done. I’m still proud of how clean the living room/kitchen is but those are spaces I’m gonna have to continuously clean so I can’t be happy w it for tooo long (esp since I’ll be moving my bedroom shit in there to help w organizing)

REGARDLESS THO I think tmrw im gonna try to focus big time on cleaning my bedroom and closet, calling my dad to see if he can come install some stuff for me, and tidying up in the living room and kitchen before my Roomate comes back

Ghhrrr I’m so ready for everything to be in order, and I *know* that might not be possible to get done, but I’m REALLY hoping I can make a noticeable improvement, once I get the harder parts done it’ll at least be easier for me to finish up the next day 🤙

#also I need to wrap up my shit on TikTok #I’ve saved a bunch of videos but there’s still some collections I wanna look thru before it’s too late #and then I need to organize them SOMEHOW #idk what app would be best storage wise but I deeeff need to do a big photo album purge soon #it’s taking up like at least 40gb of my storage rn and that’s HEINOUS #I also STILL need to finish my widget layout god #that can wait until my real life is clean and organized tho #once that’s done THEN I can go in and organize and clean out my phone #anyways #I think I should do pizza or pork carnitas for dinner tmrw?#OR I split up the dough and make a mini pizza for lunch and carnitas for dinner…#I’ve been toying with the idea of making sliders for my work lunches but idk where to find buns for that #I will need to do a grocery run for my full sized buns anyways tho so hmmm #also this is why I love tumblr as a diary app #I feel like I never talk as much as I do on tumblr #this is how I was always reaching the post limit on here during middle school #I’ve just never felt so free when making a post and then just sending it into the world like I do on tumblr #this must be what it’s like for influencers ugh #god speaking of once I’m done with 1. irl cleaning 2. online cleaning 3. I NEEED to get back to art #like drawing and using my iPad yes but also looking into art jobs or at least ways I can get involved in the art world #I might want to look into new jobs anyways but I think I need to find a way to incorporate art into my life again #I feel like it’s taken such a backseat in my life and I rlly hate when that happens #I think I’ve started pushing it aside when I have relationships to take care of now that I’m out of hs but I think I need to find a way to #balance both #work life art balance like I think this is so doable #maybe I do need a planner or graph or something to get all my priorities straight hmm #OHHHH MY VISION BOARD FUCK #I need to make my vision board #I��ll work on my bag and then I’ll get started on my vision board layout ugh #jan 25

5 notes · View notes

liebgirl · 6 months ago

Text

saw a tiktok that was like. Daily Affirmations: my work crush doesn’t like me. and now i’m like wow i wish i could send this directly to all of my new high schooler coworkers. who are all really annoyingly obsessed with our one male manager because he’s The Chill Manager. you may have seen me refer to this man before (it’s different when EYE love him because we are the same age. the high schoolers being obsessed with him is weird as hell and he DOES need to stop encouraging this) back in winterspring i was doing a lot of opening shifts with him and i was joking that we had the king and lionheart dynamic. which was real at the time but not so much the vibe now just because like. the vibe has shifted idk i work different shifts there’s different other managers i’m technically promoted there’s all these new people i don’t care about. the vibe is different. anyway. don’t care for these high schoolers and their obsession with him. especially because they’re like actual assholes sometimes to my friend managers… (they used to just work here and then two managers left and they got promoted) (i also technically got promoted at the same time but they rank above me and do more shit that i don’t want to do so like. obviously i’m not bitter or jealous about it. like if i had to manage a bunch of teenagers that didn’t respect me i might cry every single day) (which is happening to one of them fr. they’re literally such assholes to her sometimes it’s crazy like she’s not even as mean to you people as she should be…) not to side with like. The Man or whatever but unfortunately i’m not a teenager with a part time job i go to when i don’t have soccer practice so i cannot relate to the proletariat in this situation… like i knowww they’re seeing my girl as Bitch Manager and it’s making me hate them soooo bad. like you idiots can’t even fold jeans correctly!! i hate you!!!!

#literally the past three nights i’ve been working overnight with just the 2 friend managers and we’ve been having major bitch sessions #about these high schoolers…. sorry if this makes us bitches!!#maybe if more than 4 of them were literally any good at all at any part of their job we’d hate them less idk…..#like. if they sucked less it would mean i’d have to do less work. like girls work with me here im sick of covering your asses…..#can’t even put things back where they’re supposed to go correctly…#like why am i finding clearly marked clearance jeans mixed in the stack of full price ones…. stop pissing me offfffff omg #sorry again. but the next idiot teenager who asks me where something goes and i look at it and it’s clearly marked as clearance is going to #make me lose my mind for real. yes i do need a different job i know that im aware of this #the problem THERE is that all jobs look awful to me <3 #and there’s genuinely nothing on earth i care enough about to make it a career!#i genuinely need to become a trophy wife and stay at home mom. like there’s no careers for me i fear #i don’t mean that in a ‘submitting to the patriarchy�� way i mean it in a ‘the only thing i’ve consistently known i want in my future for my #entire life has been kids’ way #anyway. having a job where you’re the fifth most in charge person there and third on an average day. makes you evil fr

7 notes · View notes