#like yeah i can SAY im in recovery and that im healing but am i putting in the work? have i really unlearned most of my unhealthy habits? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fishedeyelenz · 1 year ago

Note

Fishy!! Fish fish! It’s me! The, the long anon…? I mean yeah that works lol. Oooough fishy, OOOOUUUGGH…..I just went through my fourth surgery on my bloody knee and it’s still not fixed and correct and it hurts and oooooough….im about to RIP my leg off and THROW IT!! Or bite it off. Or…man I don’t know, shuck my kneecap like an oyster or SOMETHING.

So! I obviously cannot help but wonder….how would our dearest little twerp Billy handle an s/o with physical health problems? I have MANY issues, oh yes many, I’m very gifted in fact! Very talented. (But for real I’m actually okay) I’m sorry, I know this is like, super specific but…well, I have many physical limitations, I have POTS, neuropathy, complex regional pain syndrome, EDS, my stomach organ doesn’t work properly and I throw up my food when I eat unless I lay down and try to sleep, or am very still while laying down, just, lots of things, I’ve had to be in a wheelchair for long periods of time many times, saying all of this to give you an idea how I’m rather…a weak individual overall, but I love to play and roughhouse I just gotta, be careful and I can’t do a lot at a time lol. Which is hard for me sometimes cause I’m EXTREMELY strong willed when it comes to just, grinning and bearing it, an basically am willing to kill myself from pushing myself too much cause I wanna bloody do what I want!

Okay so, how would Billy be with someone like that? Someone like me? Someone who has (lots of) leg troubles or who has heart problems or maybe you can’t be too too rough with cause of chronic pain? Would HE be the one too scared to mess with me? For fear of hurting me? Would he understand? I have my own ideas and hopes, but I freaking love the way you write him, so I gotta ask!

I wonder if it would make him almost…more willing to show himself sooner…cause I wonder if like…should Billy have an object of affection that he pines for and stalks from afar in his little attic nest, but his object of affection if one who kinda…has to limp and hobble or roll around in a chair and is slow and kind of sickly at times, I can’t help but wonder if he’d almost work himself up wanting to help, in his mind, in his own billy way? Like in his mind he kind of mother hens from afar, with the way he thinks, and the fact that the s/o is, in his mind, weaker than him, for once he could take care of them, HE is the healthy one for once! HE is the strong one this time! HE’S the normal one, and it’s something he never even knew could happen in anyway! Like, I bet it would make him puff up his chest with pride by like, sneaking an extra blanket on them or something small, cause to him it’s it’s HUGE, HUGE that he of all people could actually offer something to someone! Something we all know he doesn’t think is possible!

Ooough I’m sorry,y mind is CURSED with far too many ideas and scenarios that are too gentle and sweet!! I think of all kinds of evil disgusting things…y’all would be horrified. *mushy loving sentimental things*

AND OH TO BE A KITTY WITH HIM. He can bite me with love all he wants, cause I DO THAT! I’m constantly biting my parents and siblings and nieces and nephews! It really is a love language I’m telling you. *naws on him like a chew toy*

ALSO I CANT WHISTLE!! I want to so badly!! He could teach me!! I bet he’d love trying to teach someone something, and we could laugh at how bad I am at it! But I’ve been practicing, I can….almost….ALMOST make a whistle sound…just…not…YET

Hello!! Finally tumbrl let me answer this ask </3 sorry about the delay. I hope you are doing well, and you're recovery is going good!! I hope your knee is managing to heal :( As for Billy... yeah I do think he would show himself sooner to you!! Especially if he develops an obsession on you, cause alas, relationships with him would start off as obsessions </3 But yeah, he would take notice of how you appear to be sick more often than not, and at first it let's him put his guard down around you for a bit. If you're weak, it means you can't hurt him, right? But as time moves on and he develops a genuine fondness for you (a thing he thought he wasn't capable of) he would start trying to take care of you from afar. Leaving your meds close by so you aways have them at hand, adjusting the temperature of your room while you sleep, small stuff like that. I actually think that he wouldn't even reveal himself to you willingly, rather you catch him one day acccidentaly while he's trying to help you from the shadows. A terrifying moment for you both, but you'll laugh about it later.

And yes, he would feel personally responsible for you, and would look out to aways make you feel good or better. Maybe it would actually push him to seek help, go to a therapist maybe, so he could take even better care of you. Cause I can see him having a rough start in your relationship, with him being unstable making him isolate himself from you. One of the main things he fears is of course hurting you, from being too rough with you. I guess you could help help each other with that, you helping him take care of his mental health, him taking care of your physical health.

AND TO BE A KITTY WITH HIM!! It might take time for you to roughhouse together, since his fear of being too rough with you, but when he learns ro better control himself and trust himself, he might just bite back.

And keep on trying whistling!! It took me two years to learn, but in the end it all payed off!! Billy would definitely try to help too hehehe!!

Anyways!! Thanks for the ask long anon!! Took me a while to reply, but I finally got it out!! Hehhehe

#billy lenz #asks

4 notes · View notes

alienpupy · 2 years ago

Note

About your top surgery:

Firstly, though, hoi! I'd like to say that I am happy for you, but I don't really feel happiness. Just nothing. But I am proud of you that you got the top surgery and seem very happy about it.

And going through your posts about it, I realize that I want top surgery, too. But I'm also genuinely afraid of the post-surgery time. And this makes me wonder, were you nervous or anxious before the surgery? (Also, apologies for the rambles and for not feeling the happiness for you)

no worries im happy to talk abt it :] i was anxious in the weeks and days coming up to the surgery, yea, but it was more anxiety abt stuff around the surgery than the procedure itself (like, ik several people who got top surgery at the same clinic and everything n they're super reputable so i wasnt worried about the medical aspect, just the preparations + i had to move appartments 10 days before the surgery + had to pack up AGAIN bc im actually staying with my parents for a month or two bc you absolutely need ppl to assist you with stuff during early recovery)

the closest thing to anxiety abt the actual surgery i had was one time a few weeks before it i was like "wait. what if i don't actually want this what if this is a mistake" and then to test it i put a bra and tshirt on and realized yeah no absolutely not thats just pointless self-doubt and i still hate these

it was rlly surreal tho if im being honest? idk if its even fully hit me that this was real and actually happened. I've wanted top surgery since i was like 13 but obv for most of that it felt like it was really distant in the future, and yet now that im flat it just feels. normal? like im still super early recovery so i havent actually seen my chest w/o the bandages yet but still just looking in the mirror with the bandages flat on my chest it just looks natural to me. its been less than a week and im already forgetting what it was like to have tits lmao (altho to be fair i've been binding for years so its not like they were ever a huge part of my life, just a major inconvenience)

and post-surgery really isnt that bad. i've complained about the weird nerve stuff, yea, but that does clear up eventually (altho ik it usually take years for the nerves to fully 100% heal, they're the slowest thing to regenerate). I've had basically zero pain, but i was still prescribed pain meds to take if i need them and given a lot of advice for healing as best as possible. the most important thing is definitely to have someone (or multiple people) be able to take time off to help you with everything (like, from food to drains to making sure you're comfortable and checking on you, you're not supposed to move your arms a lot or lift anything heavy for the first 6-ish weeks).

Post-op depression can be a thing for a lot of people too, but it hasnt hit me (at least not yet) and it can be avoided/mitigated by making sure you're not alone. having friends over, or calling people, making sure you still have games or movies or art to keep u occupied helps a ton.

also i dont think i've said it here before but i got top surgery at GRC montreal, and gender-affirming surgeries are covered by the government here in canada. I sent my paperwork/referral stuff there in may of last year, and it took them a couple months for each stage of processing but they gave me my surgery date (june 7th) a couple of months before, so (not counting the time to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis + letters from doctors and therapists and junk) i only had to wait about a year.

#sorry for the rambly answer dhshjfhsd #i hope it was helpful?? feel free to ask more tho i like talking abt it #green-cryptid-text #top surgery

5 notes · View notes

night-dark-woods · 6 months ago

Note

I have been Agonizing over the quote “Hold me like water/ or Christ, hold me like a knife” because it fits Eris so perfectly in regards with her relationships with both Ikora and Mara respectively that I have been wailing into the abyss about it

This can also be said regarding the same quote with Petra/Mara because AAA

YEAH YEAH YEAH that line ALWAYS makes me think of eris. like. im sure you are thinking of the same lorebook sections i am but im pasting them here regardless bc they are just so good but. letters ofc:

Undelivered, damp.

Both crowns have been sundered, and Sky save me but I am unmoored. I have been a blade crying for a hand to wield me for so long, but what is a blade with nothing solid to cut? You will gentle me. You will tell me I can rest. You will try to pull me to the libraries. I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.

& then i think this forsaken lore tab:

This will be my last letter for a long while. The Queen needs me more than the City does. And I need her. When she looks at me, she does not see an invalid, or a madwoman, or a burden.

She sees a Hunter.

She has pointed me at the true enemy, and with her help, I will see my quarry caught.

is fun to compare to this arrivals one:

I ache from the hike. Ikora says I am full of hairline fractures and deep muscle trauma. I never noticed until other pains had healed. The illusions of recovery: one pain obscures another.

There is danger in this traffic with the Pyramid. Kuang Xuan's logs make that plain. But I must continue. I MUST continue. What worth have I ever been, except that I know the enemy?

(More worth, Mara would remind me. I am more than my uses.)

bc clearly sometime in that gap they've had a conversation abt it!!! possibly on their little recon trip where mara DIES and eris has to fetch her back from the ascendant realm, & eris gets gravely injured and mara bandages her thigh homoerotically. which i wonder if thats also when mara told eris her Secret. because eris knows. eris knows mara was the first and she is the ONLY one alive/in this universe who does.

see UNBORN:

The enemy suggests that our rebirth was an evil mistake. How Gnostic—they were a cult (a fleet? a school? a horde?) who believed that the source of all suffering was not in our poor choices but an error of the world's Creator. A false, deluded god. Mara would laugh, or weep.

(lost is not canon to me mara would not fucking tell the guardian that. idr if she tells the YW all of it but i rmb it coming up as part of the "mara is solely responsible for all of uldren's crimes" part of that season.)

god. eris/ikora & eris/mara both drive me nuts. i need to finish my eris/ikora lyricstuck i was working on. im a little over halfway done i think???

ALSO. re: petra, so i never played d1 (started from scratch playing thru it right before TFS though and will be finishing it!) and so while ive read the grimoire cards there's a lot of mission dialogue & item descriptions ive missed, and my friend jackie was sending me some that are eris comforting/bolstering petra post TTK which i think is SO good. thats so fun. two very different knives of the queen & also glad petra had a single person in her corner at least since the paladins were trying to have her assassinated lmfao.

#asks #anonymous #thanks for this!!! lethal to wake up to before 8am.#also feel free to come off anon next time if u have more to say i dont bite #loreposting

1 note · View note

ar-gos · 1 year ago

Text

X is so fucking spoiled and I hope he has to move back to the shitty sticks into his grandma's moldy rotten house so she can pay all his bills just like she paid for all his groceries and all his fast food that he was constantly filling up the car with and his entire college degree and his rent and fucking everything. I hope she di4s tomorrow and he inherits all her properties and the taxes and the bills and the funeral costs and has to move to texas with his shitty mom and bratty siblings. I hope he gets fired again because he doesn't have any actual work ethicus or experience. I hope he loses everything in 2 months just like I did. Like I am so sorry healing is a process and I wasn't magically cured of my need to have a clean apartment in a year after 29 yrs of abuse and living in a trap house. How spoiled do u have to be to just decide that you can just stone wall ur friends and kick them out and destroy their lives because u think u shouldn't pick up after yourself??? He was obsessed with how I made more money than him when I work more and longer at the type of job that he quit after 1 shift because it was 'too hard'. Like I'm so sorry I tried to keep his spending to a minimum because I knew he made so little money so that he could ALSO spend 100 bucks every few months to put furniture in the apartment so we can sit on a couch and watch a tv that isnt on the floor. All he had to do was say 'I don't want to do chores please' and I would have said yeah okay I can manage and just judged him to my boyfriend. AND CONTINUED DOING ALL THE CHORES. X would text me about throwing up like I'd be sympathetic knowing I'd have to wash the toilet seat when I got home from my hard, long, shitty job before I could shit in my own toilet?? Like my dude you're a pig and a freak and a loser. Spoiled rotten. Wish I had a millionaire grandma to put me thru college and handle all the parts of life I don't like including the car buying process. All he had to do was talk to me and instead he ruined my entire recovery and now im going to not have rent on time for the next 2 months. I'm gonna bust my dick off at this new job until I can also afford a car that maybe isn't brand new and 50k but that will take me back to his town and hang out in all the places he goes until I run into him enough for him to not feel safe going to the gas station. Not to hurt him, just to fucking be where he's trying to be so he has to see me in my glow up and feel like shit. Maybe bring moony with me so he has to experience whatever chaos he was telling me about that his friend RAPING my bf was bringing to HIS life. I might sue. Maybe when I have the new job and a little saved up again I'll sue him for the wrongful eviction. I hope he cries

0 notes

blackvail22 · 1 year ago

Text

she was in my dream last night.

i havent dreamt about her in a really long time... i havent really thought about her either

it was quite odd. in real life, shes an asshole. she has the loudest voice in the room, saying something self-deprecating 90% of the time, and the other 10% is full of her talking shit about someone. in my dream, though... something makes me miss her.

she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of stuff. it was full of all the art i made her, all of the letters i wrote her. i finally have got it back... i was always afraid that she threw them out or ruined them in a fit of rage. even though i dont really like many of my paintings, the ones i gave her, i was the most proud of them. i also made her a collage, and i even created a book-safe for her. i would spend hours at night writing letters for her, pouring out my heart and soul. when i saw all the sutff, i started crying. in the dream, i never once looked at her. the only thing i remember looking at is her long, frizzy, curly brown hair. thats all i really remember of the dream besides walking on the side of a highway and knowing how to drive (but not knowing how to park?).

anyway i love this song

on another side note, im wishhh i healed from my surgery already. im so fucking tired of my throat hurting, it hurting when i yawn (and feel weird afterwards bcos of my stitches), not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, my ears hurting!!!!!

im so tired of complaining about this!!! i want everything yo be normal and to never need another surgery for this again but ooo ill be surprised in 9 DAYS when he tells me all about the disease i had (AND DIDNT FUCKING JNOW ABOUT)!

im exhausted. im tired. i dont want to spend another minute more than i need to in my moms room. im tired of how my dad is talking to me (makes me sick) and honestly, im losing my goddamn mind.

i dont really want to go to work anymore. my new coworker makes me dread my job now. and theres something about my recovery that makes me feel like i wont be able to go back to work when i told her i could (happens every surgery ive had, even my knee scope) and shes obviously gonna schedule me that week BUT HOW AM I GONNA CALL OFF IF SHE SCHEDULES ME 7-8 HOUR DAYS 4 DAYS IN A ROW? HOW IS SHE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO COVER THAT????? AND IM DREADING THE PHONE CALL ILL HAVE TO MAKE ESP IF I CANT FUCKING TALK STILL (i can its just very tense and i choke on every word lmao) BECAUSE HOW AM I GONNA BE LIKE (strained) "hey! its *cough* [my name]. i *cough*--exuse me--am una- unable to come in .... for another f-*cough* few days. i cant talk.... and my doc...tor told me to rest...for a few days...." LIKE HELL THE FUCK NO

i feel like i constantly have acid in my throat. the smell of certain foods makes me sick, the smell of my moms cigarette smoke gives me a headache and nausea that doesnt go away (its 1am, my mom went to sleep at 9 and smoked before then. i still feel like i just inhaled the smoke) i have sharp pains in my side constantly, as well as the right side of my chest. I DONT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. all of my problems could be because i havent really been eating but its because i really cant? i drink water... yeah, i drink water when i remember to. (my body is probably in shock because i usually eat a lot and now im not/barely eating now LOL idek if that can happen but yeah.)

imma stop ranting now. i just wish this next week could fly by and i had a wfh job

#Spotify

0 notes

glitchmoney12 · 2 years ago

Text

Yes, I am a dumb bitch who needs MY ASS BEAT for the lies and bullshit I caused on drugs. IM 2fucking 5 years old too old to be in this shit. I made such a fat ass mess in one night. I feel like Its going to take a lifetime to come back from. I had no idea what the fuck I was even doing or saying all I know is I’m going to rehab and I’m not coming out until I am healed.

That’s what addiction does to you, lie, cheat, and drown others. I said so many things I was unaware of and would NEVER say if I was conscious because they weren’t true at all. I am so deeply fucking sorry with all my soul I’m sorry.

I had every chance of fixing myself and didn’t so here I am alone as fuck like I deserve. Was I fake as fuck? Yes but that was not me that night otherwise I’d never. I lost both grandparents the night I fucked everything up so I spiraled and yeah.. a rampage is what you could call February 17th. Everything that I woke up to on my phone including what I put on my social media I do not remember. However, There is no excuse for my actions whatsoever I’m not asking for anything. I take full responsibility and accountability for my behavior.

I’ve said things about people who I love and care about deeply, and I might have just burned that bridge forever. I don’t wanna hurt anyone and no one fucked up my relationships EXCEPT ME. Not you bro, not this other girl my barred out brain was putting it on either. It was more than just one friend …. Apparently I told more people I wanted to beat their ass over nothing.

Everyone deserves an explanation. Call me pussy for not texting back asap that’s fine. Time will let me calm down and be completely transparent once I’m clean and accept the fact that I can’t go back and change anything. You bro, you deserve an explanation even if you despise me. As embarrassing as it is I will show my face again and y’all can decline my return for apology.

To those I disappointed and hurt, i’m locking myself away for a long time and I deserve every bit of coldness from you guys.

I know you’re wish the worst for me and I am already there you were right. damn bro I really made people hate me including you. You’re not a savior I can only save myself, and that’s what I’m gonna fucking do save my money, lock myself away and come back the new as fuck. I can’t believe the shit I’ve done; none of what I said about anyone during my drug spiral was true I mean, how could I conjure the words to say that sober. I cant. Especially you bro I’ve had nothing but great times with you and I fucking can’t comprehend what I said because it’s not fucking true. “It’s 2017 bro bro you so funny!!” Oh my god what a mess… my fucking bro bro..you hate me I know. I have never had anything but love for you.. and you know that, so what I typed out that night WAS MY DRUG INFESTED BRAIN.. and how could I. I never woke up and just wanted bad for my loved ones, but I understand if y’all hate me forever on. I fucked up immensely, and if you never wanna talk to me again, I understand.

Been standing in my own way. I’ll be bettering myself in hopes that one day I can be at peace and have a peaceful conversation with you about everything that happened and tell you all about my journey to recovery if you care to even here. I will one day like to invite you back to my new apartment, as a safe place, where my mind and my space is a comfortable sanctuary to bring you in. I take responsibility for everything and anything. You don’t even have to see me again if you don’t want to but I’ve known my friends for years now and I just can’t run from saying my peace and tying my lose ends.

I gave you my little diary for a reason. To sneak peak into the demons in my life that I’m finally killing bro. I trust only you with it and still do. Write in it still if you want to and be pissed at me, write me a death threat. Write me anything you want, if you want. I am so much better than all of this. I’m so sorry Jayline. Hot cakes con miel don’t taste so sweet when I don’t even recognize who I am. I have always had love for you and always knew we were only friends. Drugs made me say something different. One day I will come for forgiveness and you decide then.

0 notes

cdroloisms · 3 years ago

Note

Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao)

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.

#tw trauma #tw death #tw blood #tw injury #tw torture #tw abuse #tw starvation #prison arc #pandora's vault #-> my writing #my writing :D #my asks !!#-> my asks

268 notes · View notes

faorism · 2 years ago

Note

3, 16, 20 for the fic writer ask!

03. what work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? a the first answer to this will be what i'll talk about in the answer to 20, so the next up is new world to be won [leverage ot3, rated e]. it features small dick short king eliot. i feel like when people say size kink they are thinking about huge schlongs, and this fic was my way to be like yall get on my level and appreciate. well, that was the intention. while that certainly happened, what im most proud of is how funny the fic is? the summary says a lot about the fic: "Parker and Hardison love a short king… right until, along with Eliot, they have to establish an alternative reality post-French Revolution socialist state in their bed."

16. what’s your most common “additional tags” tag? fanart, submissive eliot spencer (wow i... have published less fic than i thought?? i really have been just drawing drawing drawing huh)

20. which work of yours have you reread the most? absolutely with a love so deep and warm and true [leverage ot3, rated e]. this 55k beast consumed me for months. it began as a short bulletpoint list of, oh what if i wrote about parker sharing beds, won't that be neat. and it just grew and grew and grew. i think the length in and of itself is enough to be proud of. but more than that, i think i really got into parker's head. i really thought about parker's life and presented forty years of characterization and history, that also ties into the expansive world in my head for my of hearth and home series. and i did so while handling some really heavy concepts, most of which i can completely understand why i think most people are hesitant to read it or engage.

while i think i did not come up with wildly original backstory points for parker (meaning, the violence she faced growing up, and her being autistic), i am so proud of how intricately, seriously, and attentively i wove the story. i had so many motifs going, so many emotional tie-ins, that i genuinely think its (to kinda toot my own horn) a smart piece of writing? like, if you look at bre's section, you can tell how much i was thinking about the sections with parker's foster siblings. if you look at how i discuss archie, nate, and parkers foster father, you can see how i always held the three together in dialogue. and tbh the thing im most proud of is that i believe i presented a fully realized, paced story of a survivor of violence reckoning with her trauma. it manifests in different ways, many of which i dont explicitly say besides that they are all written within a single fic. but, idk, i do a lot of work around recovery, healing, and trauma so this really did right by my nonfandom research and writing.

BASICALLY i love this fic and it was so much fucking work and i wrote it for me and it includes all of my most precious headcanons, and there's this one line that eliot whispers to parker to tease her that literally fucking gives me goosebumps with how scandalous it is. i think its sexy and funny and sweet and thoughtful and yEAH IM BRAGGING, LEAVE ME ALONE, i wrote a 55k oneshot omg.

#faorism answers #faorism writes fic #of hearth and home and other promises

6 notes · View notes

shingia · 4 years ago

Note

Heya. I know this is very angsty of a request, but I saw the fic of characters reacting to their s/o who [tw] relapsed into self harm and was wondering if you would do some for asahi, ushijima, and oikawa?

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐩𝐭.𝟐

hi ! ofc you can honey <3 i hope these will bring you as much comfort as you need, and plz don’t hesitate to dm me if you need to talk to someone, or to reach out for help in any way. here’s a hug for you bcs you deserve it, love you 💗

also im sorry but i really couldn’t imagine asahi ever arguing with his s/o so i didn’t include this in his fic (he really is too precious)

warnings : mentions of self harm, one mention of blood, some self-depreciating thoughts. please do not read if any of these might trigger something, stay safe everyone <3

➾ 𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

asahi trusted you blindly. and everyday, he had to make an effort to persuade himself that you trusted him in return. you did of course, how could you not trust the one that had helped you through so much ?

but this wasn’t about trust ; it was about shame. because the last thing you wanted was to find in his eyes the anguish and fear as they were a few months ago. you couldn’t do that to him, yet you kept doing that to yourself.

however, you had the misfortune - which was more of a blessing really - to have a very observant boyfriend who cared about you. and he cared enough to gather the courage to finally ask you about what he had hoped you’d come to him for. sat next to you on the couch, he took the plunge.

« do you… do you remember when you promised to always come to me if you needed help ? ». there, he had said it. and from the way that his arm tightened encouragingly around your waist, you understood what he meant by this innocent question. he kept speaking : « you know i trust you, right ? i really do. but something tells me that maybe you forgot about this promise recently ».

each of his words was carefully chosen, more than usual. because even if he didn’t show you, he was terrified of messing up. the fact that you were reluctant to answer was enough for him to understand that he had guessed right. but what confirmed it was the single tear that slowly streamed down your cheek.

« oh angel, no, come here. come, you’re ok now… » he spoke in a tone that was more comforting that anything you had ever heard. his arms were wide open for you to snuggle in, and when they wrapped around you, his words replayed once again in your head. i’m ok now, i’m ok now… you repeated internally. and you were, asahi was a man of his words after all.

« i’m sorry for being weak » you finally said after a few seconds of silence, voice half-muffled by his embrace. his warm fingers traced the outline of your face, encouraging you to look up to him. not because he needed to see your face, he already knew it by heart, but because you needed to see his. « weak ? y-you’re the furthest thing from weak. how can i even put it..? you are one of the strongest person i know, and i wouldn’t be half the man i am today if it weren’t for you.

you wanted to thank him, but exhaustion took hold of your body before any word could leave your tight throat. and when you woke up - two hours later according to the clock - asahi was still there, holding you tight against his heart like a promise to never let go of you anymore.

➾ 𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

ushijima hated to waste time and energy on ‘petty fights’, as he liked to call them. but it was really frustrating to always feel like he avoided confrontation ; arguments were necessary in a relationship, and he didn’t seem to understand that.

whenever you got into fights, you were always the only one to get angry, which never failed to make you feel guilty afterwards. and eventually, this feeling of guilt started to become permanent, taking so much place in your brain that you had to sacrifice a part of the self-confidence you had built up the past months. but you didn’t know how much longer you could conceal it.

tonight was the first time you were sleeping together since your most recent fight, the one that had damaged you so badly. and you couldn’t lie, feeling his warmth next to you after about three days spent ignoring him almost felt like a reward. but a reward for what ? you were certainly not proud of what you had done, and you were terrified at the thought that he’d ever notice it. but unfortunately, your efforts to pretend like everything was ok were put to an end in the middle of the night, at about 3 am. something silly, really : ushijima had just turned around in his sleep, and his shoulder accidentally weighed on your wrist, making you hiss in pain. he immediately opened his eyes at the sound, his hand immediately finding its way to your side - he was always a light sleeper with you.

« are you ok ? » he asked, propping himself on an elbow, barely distinguishing your silhouette in the dark. « yeah, just my wrist. come on, let’s go back to sl- ». oh… that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. it was hard to gauge his reaction since you could not properly see his face, but since he sat on the bed as soon as you interrupted yourself, you understood that it had not fallen on deaf ears. « are you comfortable with me turning on the lights ? » he asked, obvious concern in his voice. saying yes was tempting, because you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him see you like this, vulnerable and ashamed.

ushijima accepted it of course, he knew he was not the best with words, so the least he could do was to make sure you were comfortable with whatever he decided to do. « is it ok if i hold you ? » he asked once again, his tone a bit more hesitant. the muscles in your jaw tensed at his words, it was more than ok, or at least you wanted to give it a try, but the worry you had caused him was bringing you back to the familiar feeling of guilt.

however, when he carefully made you rest on top of him like he had always done, something inside you felt healed to know that whatever you were going through did not impact every aspect of your life. his embrace felt the same, so did his heaving chest that rocked your body to sleep every night. surprisingly enough, you did not shed a tear. because the comfort finally felt stronger than the pain, you refused to let anything trouble this moment.

« are you ready to talk about it ? » he questioned, his voice rumbling like a soothing storm in his chest « or do you prefer to wait until tomorrow ? ».

ushijima might have avoided many discussions with you, but this one ? he simply refused to. and if he was more than ready to help you overcome your pain, he also knew not to pressure you into talking. words would come, eventually. but actions were always first.

➾ 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

despite his usually confident behavior, oikawa knew he had a tendency to second-guess each and every one of his actions, and to beat himself up quite often.

he could not remember the last time he had felt so utterly disgusted by himself, he was usually more careful with his words. but all it took was one angry outburst from him for you to withdraw into yourself - and he had to fix this as soon as possible.

luckily for him, your relationship was strong enough not to be too affected by this argument - which had not been your first, but definitely the biggest one. however, you had been affected. a lot actually. but you knew better than to talk to him about this, knowing that he would obviously take the blame for your relapse.

but oikawa was attentive, and, clever as he was, it did not take long for him to guess what you were going through when he saw the red-stained tissues in the bathroom trash. it had been two weeks since your fight, and just the thought that he had left you alone with your struggles for so long made him want to throw up.

without wasting any more second, he burst out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where you were absent-mindedly watching a movie. he would have preferred to have a discussion with you with a clear head, but the sight of the tissues kept spiraling in his head and he was incapable of doing anything else but to pull you in for a hug whose suddenness made you gasp.

oikawa’s hugs were usually soft, with little kisses here and there and a few compliments chuckled in your ear. but today had nothing to do with those. his arms were engulfing your figure in a desperate need to feel you against him, like he was trying to make up for all the time he had left you alone. « i’m so sorry, so sorry baby… can you forgive me ? » he breathed out, his voice cracking with emotion. obviously you knew what he was referring to, how could you not know ? and just like him, the thousand words on your mind only transcribed in your arms wrapping around him, closing the last few millimeters that separated you as you frantically nodded your head yes.

you did not think he had anything to be forgiven for, and sadly, you also knew that he would continue to blame himself no matter what your answer had been. that was actually your biggest motivation to begin your recovery journey. oikawa needed to know that, from now on, you’d turn to him instead of your old habits. and you wanted nothing more than to make him happy, so, since his happiness seemed to depend on yours, it could be considered a package deal towards a better future, together.

before you leave, here are links to two mental health support apps that i hope will help you deal what you are going through right now. i know it’s not much but i’ll be the happiest girl if this helped someone in the tiniest way. take care of yourselves ❤️

Calm Harm - Play Store | App Store

Wysa - Play Store | App Store

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu angst #asahi azumane #asahi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader

321 notes · View notes

sunaswife · 4 years ago

Text

𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖉 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖍𝖎𝖒

Shigaraki X f! Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, brainwashed/ programmed reader, implied kidnapping, Dom/sub, use of the word ‘pet’ and ‘master’, first time sex, uh..does this count as yandere..? Idk lol

🔪: this is like my second time writing smut so I’m sorry if it’s bad 🙇‍♀️ plz don’t spank me. N E Wayz I dedicate this fic to @aoi-turtle 🖤 and Any other shiggy whores out there

Edit: I FORGOT TO TAG @dinablossom and @toworuu IM SO SORRY BSVAKAGSJA

Summary: Imagine being programmed to be the leagues healer but also Shigaraki’s little cum bucket

♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎

“Master what is the meaning of this.” Shigaraki looked at the television screen as he scratched his neck. “I took her quirk and made it a thousand times better.” He said simply. “Tomura shigaraki where should I place her?” Kurogiri asked. “Anywhere. I don’t care. I just don’t understand why you brought a stupid hero here.” He said annoyed.

“Now now—“ “Shut up and put her somewhere out of my sight!” Tomura demanded and Kurogiri sighed and carried your body to the spare room by shigaraki’s private quarters. You looked dead, you were exhausted, traumatized, in shock.

You were frozen. Your eyes stayed open, unblinking as you stared at the ceiling. It looked as if you were dead. But your body is warm and you were breathing, you’re alive and you’ll recover quick. Thanks to the quirk All for One fixed for you.

Dabi smirked at your ruined form. Spinner hid his rosy cheeks, you were a cute one. Toga was excited to have another girl in the league she talked with Twice about all the fun things you two could do together. Whether it be painting your nails, doing your hair, torturing someone, or making them bleed. She was excited.

“What’s so good about her quirk that you needed it.” Shigaraki asked. “It’s come to my attention that the league has been missing an important puzzle piece.” He started off. “Yeah? What’s that?” The light blue haired man asked. He was beyond ticked off to have a hero here. “She’s not a hero. She was training under UA’s school nurse. But she fell into the hero course for recovery and first aid training.” He said and everyone stayed silent and patiently listened to the brain behind the league.

“Her quirk is pyrokinetic regeneration. She manipulates fire with the energy of the person who needs healing and together she heals with so called fire. Her quirk was small, only a few cuts a bruises here and there could she heal. But I added cell regeneration so she can even fix up deep wounds that could need surgery in a matter of days instead of months.”

“Sounds amazing! No she could use her fire against us!” Twice said and Toga nodded. ��She won’t. Her fire doesn’t burn unless you’re hurt.” Kurogiri returned. “But she’s still a hero brat so wouldn’t she try to resist?” Dabi asked. “I don’t know but let me try and see!” Toga giggled and pulled out a knife she easily slit her wrist and skipped her way to your new room.

Out of curiosity the other members followed suit. Shigaraki first, he wanted to see if you were truly useful if not then he’d disintegrate you right here and now. “Hi hi new friend! My name is Toga!” The psychotic girl giggle as her blood dripped all over the floor. You looked up slowly from your spot on the bed. “H-hi...T-toga..” your voice was low. “Kurogiri Can you bring her some water?” Toga asked and he left and came back in the blink of an eye.

Your hands were shaking for the cup of water but Toga held it back, away from you. “If you want the water then heal my wrist first.” She said sweetly with a giggle. “Heal your wrist?” You whispered and she nodded. “O-okay..” you stuttered and you slowly removed the blanket from your lap. You stood up with wobbly legs to go to the girl but you fell. The chain on your ankle pulled you back. You winced and looked at her, pleading for her to come to you. She asked if you were okay and when you responded she shoved her bloody arm to your face. “Take a deep breath. This may sting...” you started and a small green flame came upon your hand. You rubbed the flame over both of your hands like you were putting on lotion, finally when the flames covered both hands you pressed hard on her wrist. She winced, “ow ow ow.” She whimpered, you removed your hands and everyone stared at the flame around her whole wrist. “Give it thirty seconds....or not...” you said as you stared wide eyed at her already healed cut. It was barley a touch and it’s gone now. “Wow. No scar!” She giggled and turned to show the guys. “Wow stab me next, please don’t or else I’ll bite ya!” Twice said and you reached for the water. “Interesting.” Shigaraki mumbled with a small squint. Kurogiri looked over and hoped he wouldn’t do anything bad to you.

“Shows over. She needs her rest.” Kurogiri said and everyone left one by one. Toga gave her a hug and wished for you both to be the best of friends and she skipped away. “Tomura Shigaraki. What are you thinking?” Kurogiri asked as Shigaraki began to walk into your room. “Nothing that concerns you.” He spat and slammed the door. Kurogiri sighed but returned to the bar nonetheless.

“Do you know who I am?” Shigaraki asked, “Yes you’re the leader of the league of villains, You’re name is Tomura Shigaraki and your quirk is decay—“ “that’s enough!” He raised his voice and looked at you with wide eyes.

You looked so sad and you glanced down at your cup. “Mr. shigaraki I know I don’t usually talk this much. I’ve always been the quiet type. I think whoever kidnapped me gave me a huge sense of knowledge. I know the league is bad but I don’t care about the heroes anymore and I don’t know why. I know everything about you guys, your true identity, your quirks, your past. And when I see you I—“ you quickly stopped yourself.

Shigaraki raised a brow. “You what?” He asked curiously. “N-nothing. Just forget it.” You answered and he growled. “Answer me now before I kill you.” He said and your legs subconsciously clenched together. You stayed quiet and your chest rose and fell a little more quickly. Why was this feeling in your chest when this killer, this man child looked at you? What exactly did the man he calls master do to you?

Before you knew it he gripped your chin and lifted it harshly so you could look at his wrinkly red eyes. Even though he looks like a bum he smelled nice and clean. A hand was covering his face and you slowly lifted your hand to touch it and his other hand grabbed your wrist. “What the fuck are you doing? Do you have a death wish you fucking idiot?” He growled and you gulped. “C-can i see your face?” You asked and he tilted his head confused.

“No. Answer my question-“ before you both knew it, as if your body had a mind of its own you tackled shigaraki down and you snatched the hand off his face. His hand quickly wrapped around your neck and arm and you pressed your lips against his. He halted his finger from pressing against your neck. He was beyond confused.

“If only tomura finished listening to what i had to say.” All for one chuckled loudly. You both were able to faintly hear the television from down the hall. “He would know that I managed to change y/N’s desires and whole way of thinking. She’s now with the league of Villains and she’s in love with its leader, Tomura Shigaraki. Consider it a present and motivation for the future of the league.” You both heard and you pulled away from him. “I’m sorry. I should have asked.” You said lowly. He stood there stunned and silent.

He slowly sat up and looked at your figure. “So you were brainwashed like my Nomu.” He hummed and took a few steps back. He noticed how you crawled closer to him but the chain was keeping you away.

“Who do you love?”

“You.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“You.”

“Who’s your master?”

“Tomura Shigaraki.”

You said and he smirked. He was gonna have fun with you. “At least master was kind enough to give me a beauty.” He said as he held on to the chains. “Don’t freak out.” He warned and you nodded. He disintegrated the chain around your ankle and he pulled you by the arm. You were wearing an ugly hospital gown and you were barefoot. You couldn’t help but shiver. He went next door to his room and he shoved you in and slammed the door. You nearly tripped over the mess and you turned to look at shiggy. “Why are you just standing there?” He asked, “You haven’t given me orders.” You deadpanned. “You can’t think for yourself?” He questioned. “No i can but I Don’t want to upset you.” You replied.

“Fine then clean this shit up.” He referred to his very very messy room. You nodded and began to lift up a piece of trash but he pulled you away. “Change first.” He said and handed you a black hoodie. “Do you have a bathroom?” You asked. “No change here.” He said and you nodded. You turned so your back was facing him and carefully began to take off the gown, leaving you completely bare and Shigaraki couldn’t help but look.

Your skin was so beautiful and looked so soft. He saw as you carefully put on his hoodie and it completely engulfed you. It reached to your mid thigh. You slowly turned to look at him with rosy cheeks. The hoodie smelled just like him. “Tomura—“ “It’s master to you.” He Interrupted and you nodded, subconsciously squeezing your thighs together once more. “Sorry...m-master.” You said and played with the hem of his hoodie.

“Master..can I have some underwear too...? I feel weird, when I’m bare underneath..” you asked. “No, continue cleaning my room.” He answered coldly and sat on his gaming chair. He turned on his console and began playing whatever game he had.

You sighed and you couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous yet scarred face and his beautiful long fingers. In an instant he can kill you, but if you’re good..then he might even reward you. If you were to die, I’d rather be in the hands of your master than anyone else.

You quickly began you pick up the instant ramen bowls and bags of chips. You separated recycling and trash. You even managed to pick up all his dirty clothes and put it in the hamper in less than an hour. Tomura was stunned, one minute he can barley walk in, the next It’s almost spotless. He saw you from the corner of his eye, you were folding his clothes that practically had the same color scheme.

“Can i go through your drawers to put your clothes away..?” You finally spoke up. “Yeah it’s whatever. I don’t care.” He mumbled and returned to the screen. “Ugh stupid game!” He huffed and began pressing the controller more furiously. You chuckled and thought that it was so cute and adorable when he was frustrated.

You went to his California king sized bed and began to fix the sheets and make his bed. Since it was so huge, you had to climb on to properly fix it. You were completely in your own world when Shigaraki turned and saw your wet cunt on display in all it’s glory. Ever since he saw you he couldn’t help but feel that urge to take you. His resistance was getting to him and now he wanted to give in to his urges even more. He was too distracted that he lost the fucking game and he growled and disintegrated the controller. That was his own form of rage quitting.

You heard his sound of frustration so when you turned you expected him to be in the same chair uttering bullshit, but you were shocked when you felt your hips being pulled back. Your cunt was touching his pants, but you can feel his bulge. “Um..master..I—“

“Shut up.” He said and reached for your neck. He pulled you back to him and wrapped his other arm around your waist, hovering your aching clit. “This is whats gonna happen.” He started off and you nodded. “I’m going to fuck you. And you’re going to like it. Okay?”

“I understand.” You said softly, you felt his hands slowly lift up the hoodie just a bit to get a better view of your ass. You couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. “I know I’m probably not your dream girl but I promise to be a good girl, master..” your voice shook. He tilted his head, were you getting insecure?

“No pet, you’re perfect to me.” He assured and you could hear his belt jingle as he took it off. “You seem pretty wet already, pet. Since how long have you been like this?” He asked as he got out of his jeans. He slowly open your cheeks to reveal your little pussy clenching around nothing, how cute. “Since I saw you..” you mumbled. He smirked and leaned down. He immediately began to eat out your cunt causing you to gasp in shock and grip the sheets. Your chest layed roughly against the bed as your ass stood proud in the air for the leader of the league of villains to enjoy.

“Fuck—“ you moaned and you felt a slap on your ass. You slightly jumped released a small yelp. “Watch your language.” He growled from your pussy. “Yes master.” You whimpered and he slowly began to rub his thumb on your other hole. Your small moans filled the room and he easily slipped his middle finger in you. You squeezed around him so deliciously, he couldn’t help but wished his cock was inside.

This has never happened to him before, this feeling in his chest. Someone that loves him and will obey his every command. You’re so beautiful as well, and your sounds. Your moans and whimpers, in all honesty he jut wanted to get himself off. But after hearing you and seeing you. He wants to make sure you have pleasure as well.

He continued pumping his finger in and out of your slick walls and your voice started getting slightly higher. “Master...I—I’m gonna cum...”you panted and your toes began to curl. “It’s okay, cum for me, pet. You’ve been a good girl.” He said softly and he felt you clench around his finger. When you came he slowly removed his finger and examined it. You must be new to is if you could get off with just one of his long fingers.

You layed on the bed a bit tired, not paying attention to your master who had tasted your cum on his finger. It was delicious and he wanted another taste. When you felt a lick on your cunt again you immediately shivered and clenched your thighs. “Hold still I just wanna taste some cum.” Shigaraki huffed and he pulled your thighs apart. You were pretty sensitive but you obeyed nonetheless.

You moans began to fill the room once more and before you could finish and cum again he pulled away. You automatically whimpered and turned to give your master puppy dog eyes. “I would let you cum again, but my cock is so fucking hard I don’t think I can wait another minute.” he said and began to pull down his boxers.

Before you could get back in position, which freaking hurt, he flipped you over on your back and you made a small oof noise. You looked up to See shigaraki focused on his cock, he was rubbing himself up and down your slit to use your cum as lube. “Alright I’m going in.” He announced and slowly pushed his rather large member inside your tint cunt. You immediately yelped and held on to his biceps. “M-master wait—it hurts..” you pleaded and Tomura finally looked up at your face.

He loves inflicting pain, he loves watching people’s painful expressions when they’re hurt or when they’re gonna die. Chisaki’s face was so amusing. But when he saw yours, his heart shattered and he didn’t want to hurt you at all. You’ve been nothing but good to him, he doesn’t want to hurt his little toy. “I’m sorry.” He apologized, “it’s okay..” you sniffled. After a minute of him being patient you gave him a nod and he continued to slowly bottom out.

You both released a moan when he was all the way in. You both have never felt anything like this before. “Can I start moving?” Shigaraki asked you as he brushed way the hair from your face. You nodded and he pulled almost all the way out and he slammed back in. Your little gasps and moans came back which made shigaraki feel at ease. You can clearly hear your slick with every thrust and it was music to his ears.

“I’ve been neglecting these.” He grunted and lifted his hoodie over your chest. Finally he was able to see your beautiful soft breasts bouncing with each thrust. “Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He moaned and immediately lowered his mouth to one of your nipples. You squealed and your back arched and he pushed you down. “Master...” you moaned softly. His tongue swirled around your hardened bud and your fingers tangled in his light blue hair. Two of his fingers pinched your other nipple and he lightly bit the nipple in his mouth.

“I think I-I’m close—“ you gasped and he removed his mouth. His thrusts decreased in speed but they became harder. He had a stupid smirk on his face and your eyes widened when he wrapped his hand around your throat. “Hold it until I say so.” He demanded and you muttered a weak yes. He felt how your gummy walls squeezed against his large dick, he was getting close too. “Fuck Fuck Fuck.” He groaned with his head tilted back and your mouth watered at the sight. Why is he so fucking handsome?

He could feel himself getting closer to his climax so he rubbed his thumb on you clit while increasing his pace once more, causing you to be even louder than before. Everyone in the bar could hear and a certain fire villian grumbled in annoyance. “Master I can’t hold it anymore!” You screamed. “Then cum my stupid little pet. Cum all over my cock like a good girl.” He grunted and bit his lip at the sight of your sweaty body. Your bouncing breasts, crazy hair, your adorable ahego face, your twitching legs and finally your grip on his biceps. You were so prefect and so good to him and only him.

When you came you felt his cum shoot inside you as well causing you to gasp at the delicious feeling. Tomura rested his head on your shoulder and tried catching his breath. You couldn’t help but smile and blush at the closeness. You slowly wrapped your arms around him and you gave his shoulder a kiss causing him to freeze. “I love you master, thank you for making me feel good.” You said softly. He chuckled and pulled you closer, “I love you too.”

I wanna write a part 2 of Shiggy finding out his little toy is being used by a certain fire boy 👀

#tomura shigaraki #shigaraki smut #league of villains #my hero academia #yandere shigaraki #smut #[🏌️‍♀️🔪.yandere]

398 notes · View notes

whoreadsnowadays · 2 years ago

Note

BRO— OKAY. the shatter hcs got me thinking. and at this point it's pretty obvious i live on angst. so yeah, here goes.

so i'm mostly thinking of what if lil bro does survive. because yknow, getting fucking stabbed through the chest is not something you can just walk away from, let alone without some serious physical and mental consequences. and things like that take a long time to go away, if they ever do.

So the little guy will definetely be dealing with some messed up stuff as he recovers. phantom pain, nightmares, the whole package. this wasn't any less traumatizing for him than it was for his family.

he probably keeps to himself about a lot of it because, while he knows he can and should rely on his family, he can see how much this fucked them up and doesn't want to worry them more than they already are.

(also he can probably tell after what happened they wouldn't want him to go back topside, but he doesn't want to be left behind. which could lead to a scenario where he pretends he's fine enough to go, turns out obviously he wasn't ready yet either physically or emotionally and cue the hurt/comfort but that's another deal for another day)

When it gets to the farmhouse arc, he's obviously devastated about Leo.

Everyone's worried about him, and with good reason, but they end up sort of forgetting that Lil bro is still dealing with his own aftermath, even Lil bro himself. He's still dealing with everything, and the added trauma from Leo's recent window adventures definetely doesn't help, but if he was keeping this to himself before it's ten times worse now.

He has to be okay, the others need him to be okay, in Lil bro's mind he's convinced himself he has to be strong for his big brother.

and besides, it's been so long since what happened to him, he should be fine by now.

At some point it becomes too much, and the lil guy falls with a fever from the stress, or maybe Leo finds him when he's in the middle of one of his pain flare-ups, or even a good ol' emotional breakdown.

Then, this might just be me being petty, but to hell with whoever decided to have Splinter tell his son that his pain wasn't real was a good idea, we're gonna wrap this up in a nice little bow when Leo, while still stuck in his own frustration, sees Lil bro struggling with that same mentality, and realizing that he would never be as harsh with his brother as he's being with himself (and can't stand the thought of his baby brother being as harsh with himself either), finally learns that it's okay for him to take the time he needs to heal, that recovery is hard but as long as he leans on the people that care about him he'll be okay.

Leo then goes to Lil bro and gives him that exact same Big Brother Wisdom speech as if he himself didn't just figure it out like ten minutes ago, it still works just as well because at the end of the day, Lil bro still trusts his big bro Leo more than anyone and if he says they'll be okay, then he believes him. and, well, maybe sharing their struggles and understanding each other will make both their recoveries just that little bit easier on their shoulders.

—

WOW alright that was longer than I meant it to be but they make me FEEL things okay-- -G

I love waking up to this shit <3<3

BUT YEAH YEA YEA YEA YEA THIS THIS THIS!!!!! THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABT. Lil bro pushing aside his pain and trauma bc he doesn't want to bring it up and make his family relive what happened, and Leo doing the same thing and getting over it when he sees Lil bro doing it too and it breaks his heart enough that he's like "that's not how he should be dealing with this. That's not how I should be dealing with this.." AND THEN THEY HAVE A HEARTFELT TALK WHERE LEO IS LIKE "listen.. I need you to know you can talk to me about stuff okay? And the others too. What you went through was messed up, and you shouldn't have to go through this alone. And before you say it, I am taking my own advice from now on" AND THEY WORK ON OPENING UP TOGETHER..... gimme a minute I have to explode

#Romeo Speaks #💥

4 notes · View notes

gerrydelano · 3 years ago

Note

okay so this new song that came out ALSO came out around the same time the new chap did, and ever since i have been frothing at the mouth about danny. it's kind of short so im spitting half the lyrics at you here but-

Pity was never a factor/When mercy is the sign of a talentless actor (idk how many times danny has put on a show and had the slightest thought of 'hm, that's not good.' but it would have been in the early days when he's confronted with the 'costumes', right? the memory of being one of them must have still been fresh, and they would have been closely watching him to see if he falters, and AHHHH)

And as you grow, its hold on your throat starts to falter/And once you go beyond pure humanity's border (monster danny!!!)

You will come running back like a dog... To Her (mf must be HOMESICK!!! even though everything's dark so kind of unknown, the loupe is still making everything clear and the Archivist is right there and- 😭 he must miss the contortionist, even as much as i hate it)

I know of pain and devotion/A gear in the machine grew immune to corrosion/Go on, turn the back the clock/I will set it in motion all over (is... there any argument to be made that danny is proud of how far he's come? like. he's good at what he does. he knows that. and apart from the occasional 'slip up', i assume he does quite well. could there be arrogance even? also the turning back the clock thing is!!! Well!!! they can't do anything!!! they cannot bring the original danny they and loved back!!! they cannot resurrect tim!!! they can't unkidnap him!!! they can't turn back the clock!!! and it's not like danny is gonna be super duper willing to reconnect. everyone has regrets xoxo)

... So tell me, what do you know of pain and devotion? (Danny's what we call POMI, as I'm sure you know (physically out, mentally in if anyone doesn't) and well. in my experience and what I've seen from others, people dig in HARD when violently removed from their belief system, no matter how much said system was hurting them. so, again, the arrogance thing. these people don't understand, and how can they? that's the whole point.)

just.... danny is like the only cult survivor rep i've seen. like. ever. you and ren have no idea how much he means to me. i am ecstatic to see how his journey develops once more (martanny im looking at you 👀) and i just wanna say ty for all the work you do in diversity!!! im sure so many people are grateful for your hard work :]

oh those lyrics FUCK! incredibly accurate, yeah, WOW. all of this analysis? spot on. delicious. 10/10.

i didn't know the term POMI, thank you for teaching me! i'm going to be looking more into cult survivor stuff now that i'm finally able to bring him in, for sure. ren had done soooo much research and of course i played sounding board for them, but i need to bulk up on that knowledge, too! it's always so moving to get feedback from people within an experience we're trying to portray respectfully, i can't tell you how much it means to us both (namely ren, in this case, because they set all the groundwork for our danny first!) and i can't thank you enough!

i can only hope that where i take him in PBR comes across the way i want it to, especially since i'm intentionally skewing his development in almost an opposite direction to his narrative trajectory in HLM! it might be more uncomfortable in some places purely by nature of HOW they extracted him from his situation, the information that he doesn't have, the agency that was taken from him "for his own good" (which we all know Virtually No One responds well to, even without all this extra incentive to resist.) that said, i am so looking forward to his recovery arc. healing is imperative, and love is always possible.

i hope you stick around long enough to see where he ends up!

#asks #anon #pbr tag #cult tw #danny #gtcu #anchor

15 notes · View notes