#being disordered feels so much more familar and comforting than the unknown heathyness. or whatever. idfk im rambling sorry haha.
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officially hit the two month mark 👍 i love being in recovery.
#For reals though this feels. bittersweet. to put it nicely. like woooh!! im getting better!!! but am i? i dont think im trying Hard Enough.#like yeah i can SAY im in recovery and that im healing but am i putting in the work? have i really unlearned most of my unhealthy habits?#like do i count calories and spend every second thinking about my daily intake anymore? not usually. but do i weigh myself every chance i#get and then act accordingly depending on the number i see? sometimes. do i still Hate the fact that my body looks and feels this way? hm.#i just wish this whole getting better thing was easier; yknow? i wish i could just. have a healthy relationship with food.#i feel like there are just. too many triggers right now in my life that are making it harder for me. i wish this wasnt so scary nd isloating#being disordered feels so much more familar and comforting than the unknown heathyness. or whatever. idfk im rambling sorry haha.#i just have. complicated feelings when it comes to this i guess.
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