i am so fucking sick of playing the Bad Guy for people! who know fuck all about what it is like to live in this body and mind, or how much effort i have put into trying to be pleasant, kind, and caring, or how much persistence it takes just to get up every day and keep this circus going!
i do not care if i'm doing everything All Wrong according to you, if you think i am weird, a freak, disrespectful, rude, etc, etc etc. quit projecting your issues onto me???
i simply do not have one ounce of energy left to give a fuck about anything except moving forward and learning from my actual mistakes, most of which are trusting manipulative, judgmental assholes.
9 notes
·
View notes
you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
30K notes
·
View notes
day 231
doomed timeline
u ever think about how literally every single one of the thousands of aradias that traveled back to fight in the trolls' boss battle was from a doomed timeline where she had to a) watch all her friends die b) process that she was also doomed and c) then power through all that to do a bunch of time travel detective work so that she could advise the alpha iterations of her friends on how to avoid splitting into that doomed timeline in the first place? before traveling to a battle she knew she wouldn't make it out of?
yeah man
220 notes
·
View notes
Fernando 2012 Chair Lore (source: me)
So I've been thinking a lot about Fernando sitting in this particular chair in the Ferrari garage in 2012 for [redacted] reasons:
Originally I just wanted to find more pictures of it for reference, and then went down a rabbit hole of 2012 pictures, trying to figure out when exactly the chair came to be. There's so many pictures of him in it, and it's so funny to me to imagine them hauling this super villain chair all around the world for him. And so now I'm obsessed with the evolution of it:
Pre-Chair - Australia to Bahrain:
He just had this little stool, well I should say big because it somehow still manages makes him look small. Clearly not comfortable; to paraphrase @sweatyflytrap, it's not conducive to his inner Shakespeare villain monologues
The Chair Appears - Spain
He suddenly now has this, aforementioned, super villain chair. Several things, why is it like this. It looks like a sim chair almost ngl. And then the weird plexiglass support is confusing me, like where did they get that. It furthers my narrative they just had this chair that they couldn't put in a car so they put that clear bottom on it. Anyways yes good, now he has somewhere to brood
The Chair Evolves - Silverstone
Look!! They gave him a booster seat!!!
The Chair is Now Here to Stay :)
I downloaded a truly horrible amount of pics him in this chair, so now you all must also look at them >:)
*he still had the chair in 2013, but I think they took it away from him in 2014 :( Is nothing sacred in this world??? I hope he got to take it home hahaha
329 notes
·
View notes
Im kinda so very much out of the vivziepop helluva boss loop since its been a while since I watched anything of hers (And because spme of the writing and some of her...choices character design wise turned me off from interacting further) but one thing I will never not have in the back of my mind is how they portrayed striker* as being unreasonably petty and angry at the mistreatment of imps and that his agenda was misguided hatred.
When from what I get in lore from what I remeber that imps systematically are treated like shit and so infantilized by higher-ups that they are treated as pets so I honestly I dont blame him for being a hater as well as not understanding why anyone would--esp an imp would wanna be in cahoots with these infamously elitist classist set of assholes.
61 notes
·
View notes