#like yeah he was obviously smart and reads a lot for school and got good grades but also he never strikes me as THAT kind of a reader either

[13eyond13]

Death Note crossover with Fahrenheit 451. Suddenly Light is hiding the Death Note not just because it's a murder weapon, but because it's literature.

omg imagine... I'm actually kinda glad Light wasn't like a big reader of fiction or philosophy or poetry in the story, he'd be SO ANNOYING about it wouldn't he

[rmytears]

HOW NOT TO KEEP A RELATIONSHIP SECRET. calex one-shot.

SUMMARY: Casey's day takes an unexpected turn when SVU’s newest detective develops a crush on Alex and, for some reason, asks her for help. Determined to keep their relationship a secret, Casey tries to deflect… only to somehow end up giving him accidental dating advice.

The 16th precinct hummed with its characteristic chaos—a symphony of ringing phones, heated debates over case files, and the persistent whir of an overworked coffee maker that hadn't been properly cleaned since the Obama administration. The air was thick with the acrid smell of burnt coffee, a scent that had become as much a part of the building as the worn linoleum floors and the flickering fluorescent lights that cast everything in an unflattering pallor.

Casey Novak sat at her desk, surrounded by towering stacks of discovery materials that threatened to topple at any moment. Her reading glasses were perched precariously on the edge of her nose, and her auburn hair was twisted into a messy bun that had gradually migrated sideways throughout the morning. She was only half-listening to the ongoing debate between Fin and Olivia about lunch options—Fin advocating for the new Thai place around the corner, while Olivia stubbornly defended her usual deli sandwich.

"I'm telling you," Fin insisted, gesturing with a case file, "they've got these dumplings that'll change your life."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "The last time you said that about food, I couldn't taste anything for three days."

Casey smiled to herself, letting their familiar bickering fade into background noise as she focused on the affidavit in front of her. The words were starting to blur together—something about chain of custody that she'd read four times without really absorbing—when a shadow fell across her desk.

Detective Ryan Callahan stood there, all six feet of earnest awkwardness, shifting his weight from foot to foot like a nervous teenager at his first school dance. He was new to SVU, barely six months on the job, with the kind of fresh-faced enthusiasm that hadn't yet been tempered by the harsh realities of their work. In the field, he was surprisingly competent—good instincts, quick on his feet, and genuinely empathetic with victims. But socially... well, that was another matter entirely.

His dark hair was slightly disheveled, as if he'd been running his hands through it—a nervous habit Casey had noticed during particularly stressful cases. Today, his tie was slightly askew, and there was a coffee stain on his otherwise pristine white shirt. He had the look of someone who had spent considerable time rehearsing what he was about to say, only to forget every word the moment he opened his mouth.

Casey raised an eyebrow, setting down her pen. "Callahan, what's up?"

He cleared his throat, a flush creeping up his neck. "Uh, so, I had a question."

She waited, watching as he fidgeted with his badge, clipping and unclipping it from his belt. The silence stretched between them like taffy, growing more awkward by the second.

Finally, he scratched the back of his neck—another nervous tell—and said, "About Alex."

Casey blinked, her heart doing a complicated gymnastics routine in her chest. "Alex?"

"Yeah." He shuffled closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "I mean, I figured since you two spend a lot of time together, you'd know... if she's, you know, seeing anyone."

Casey felt her world tilt sideways. Oh, this was bad.

Very, very bad.

Callahan, completely oblivious to the internal crisis he had just triggered, pressed on with the determination of someone walking straight off a cliff. "I just—I don't know. She's incredible. Smart, sharp, kind of terrifying but, like, in a hot way? Not that you need me to tell you that, obviously, you know her better than I do. Which is why I was hoping you'd, uh, help me out here."

Casey's mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again, performing an impressive impression of a fish out of water. "Help you out?" she repeated, her voice hitting a pitch she hadn't reached since high school choir.

He nodded, eyes bright with hope. "You think she'd go for a guy like me?"

Casey, who had built her career on her ability to think quickly under pressure, who had stared down serial killers and sociopaths without breaking a sweat, who had once delivered an entire closing argument with a sprained ankle and didn't miss a beat, suddenly found herself completely incapable of forming a coherent sentence.

Because here she was, sitting at her desk on a Tuesday morning, being asked for dating advice about her girlfriend by a man who had no idea he was essentially asking for tips on how to seduce someone who was very much taken.

By her.

The irony was almost poetic.

Swallowing hard, she forced what she hoped was a professional smile but probably looked more like a grimace. "Listen, Callahan, if you're interested in Alex, maybe you should ask her yourself." The words tasted like betrayal in her mouth, but what else could she say?

Callahan's face fell slightly. "Yeah, but I don't want to come on too strong. I figured you might have, like, some insight? Maybe you could, I don't know..." He leaned in closer, lowering his voice further, "put in a good word?"

Casey let out a sound that could only be described as a strangled cough, drawing curious glances from nearby desks. Her mind raced through possible responses, each more absurd than the last. She could tell him the truth—but no, they'd agreed to keep their relationship private, at least for now. She could make up some reason why he shouldn't pursue Alex—but that felt dishonest, and besides, what reason could she give that wouldn't raise more questions?

"I—uh—I'm not really—"

"Just a little nudge," he pressed, his enthusiasm growing in inverse proportion to her comfort level. "Like, what does she like? Coffee? Flowers? Should I be, you know, mysterious and aloof? Or direct? I've been reading this dating advice blog, and it says women like confidence, but also vulnerability, but also strength, but also sensitivity..." He trailed off, looking at her expectantly.

Casey stared at him, her brain screaming in at least three different languages. This was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, except she wasn't just watching—she was somehow both the conductor and the person tied to the tracks.

And yet, instead of shutting it down, instead of making an excuse and escaping with what little dignity she had left, she found herself muttering, "She likes espresso. No sugar."

The moment the words left her mouth, she knew she'd made a terrible mistake. Callahan's face lit up like Times Square at Christmas.

"See? That's helpful! Anything else?"

Casey internally cursed herself in all the languages she knew, and a few she didn't.

Two days later, Casey was seriously reconsidering her career choices. Maybe she should've become a tax attorney. Or a librarian. Or literally anything that wouldn't have led to her current predicament, watching her girlfriend's unwitting suitor execute what had to be the most painfully earnest courtship attempt in NYPD history.

The precinct had become a stage for Callahan's increasingly elaborate gestures. Every time Alex entered the building—her sharp heels clicking against the floor, her presence commanding attention without effort—there he was, materializing like a well-meaning ghost with perfectly timed offerings.

"Just happened to grab an extra espresso," he'd say, placing the steaming cup on her desk with the careful precision of someone handling evidence. The coffee was always from that expensive place three blocks over, the one with the pretentious baristas and lines out the door. Casey knew for a fact he'd started getting there twenty minutes early just to beat the morning rush.

Alex, for her part, had progressed through a fascinating spectrum of reactions. At first, it was just a slightly quirked eyebrow, the barest hint of confusion crossing her otherwise composed features. Then came the studying—those piercing blue eyes narrowing slightly whenever Callahan appeared, like she was processing evidence in a particularly puzzling case.

The coffee was just the beginning. Suddenly, Callahan was everywhere. Holding doors open with an eager "After you, Counselor." Casually mentioning cases he knew she'd won—"That Martinez cross-examination? Legendary stuff." He'd even started wearing better suits, though his ties remained perpetually crooked in a way that made Casey's fingers itch to fix them.

And then there was the day he'd watched Alex verbally demolish defense attorney Trevor Langan in court. Casey had been there too, ostensibly to observe the trial, but really because Alex in court was a sight to behold. The way she moved, the precise timing of her questions, the subtle shift in her voice when she went in for the kill—it was like watching a master artist at work.

Callahan had been sitting next to Casey, presumably there to learn trial techniques. But halfway through Alex's cross-examination, Casey heard him whisper, "Holy shit," with the kind of reverence usually reserved for religious experiences.

After court, he'd caught up with Alex in the hallway. "That was incredible," he'd gushed. "The way you cornered him on the timeline inconsistencies? And then that thing with the phone records? Pure genius."

Alex had paused, tilted her head slightly, and given Casey a look that clearly said, 'We need to talk.'

Because that's when it clicked. The coffee. The compliments. The way Callahan's eyes followed Alex around the precinct like a lovesick puppy. And most damningly, the fact that he seemed to know exactly how Alex liked her coffee.

There was only one person who could have told him that.

The look Alex gave Casey in that moment promised a conversation that would be neither brief nor comfortable.

"You are going to explain to me," Alex said later that day, her voice carrying that dangerous calm that made hardened criminals confess on the stand, "why my girlfriend is helping a man flirt with me."

They were in Alex's office, where the late afternoon sun slanted through the blinds, casting striped shadows across the polished desk. The door had clicked shut with a finality that made Casey's stomach drop.

Casey, perched against the desk, tried for casual. "Okay, first of all, not my fault."

Alex arched an eyebrow, a gesture that could have been patented for its ability to convey volumes of skepticism without a single word.

"No?"

Casey groaned, running a hand through her hair. "He asked me if you were single! What was I supposed to say?"

Alex folded her arms, her blazer—charcoal grey today, impeccably tailored—shifting with the movement. "You could have said 'no.' That's generally how people answer that question when they are, in fact, not single."

The sarcasm in her voice could have stripped paint.

Casey flinched. "Okay, yeah, fair, but he caught me off guard, and I didn't want to, you know..." She gestured vaguely. "Out us."

Alex inhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose—a rare display of exasperation from someone who usually maintained perfect composure. "And your next brilliant move was... what? Coaching him?"

"I didn't coach him," Casey protested, though her voice lacked conviction. "I just—he wouldn't drop it, and I panicked, and now he's bringing you coffee, and—" She threw up her hands in surrender. "Look, I didn't think it would work!"

Alex let out a laugh that held absolutely no humor. "Well, it did. And now I have a detective attempting to woo me with caffeine and admiration for my cross-examinations." She stepped closer, her heels silent on the carpeted floor. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to maintain professional authority when someone looks at you like you've hung the moon every time you object to hearsay?"

Casey winced. "... He did say that thing about the Martinez case, huh?"

Alex leveled her with a look that could have melted steel. "Yes. He did. In fact, he's apparently been studying my old cases. This morning, he quoted my closing argument from the Wilson trial. Word for word."

A beat of silence filled the office.

Then, Alex took another step forward. Then another. Her movements were deliberate, predatory, like a cat cornering its prey. Casey found herself pressing back against the desk, suddenly very aware of how the temperature in the room seemed to have risen several degrees.

"So, tell me," Alex murmured, close enough now that Casey could smell her perfume—something expensive and subtle that made coherent thought increasingly difficult. "How exactly were you planning to resolve this, Counselor?"

The way Alex said 'Counselor' should have been illegal in at least three states.

Casey cleared her throat, aiming for nonchalance and missing by a mile. "I figured eventually he'd... move on?"

Alex's lips curved into something that was not quite a smile but promised all sorts of interesting consequences. "Mm. I have a better idea."

Before Casey could process what was happening, Alex's hand had slid to the back of her neck, fingers threading through her hair, pulling her in for a kiss that was definitely not appropriate for office hours. It was slow, deliberate, thorough—the kind of kiss that made Casey forget every legal precedent she'd ever memorized.

When Alex finally pulled back, Casey's brain had officially gone offline. Her lips tingled, and she was pretty sure she'd forgotten how to form sentences in English.

"I—" Casey started, then promptly lost whatever she was going to say when she caught the look in Alex's eyes.

Alex smirked, looking entirely too pleased with herself. "Let's see if Callahan still has questions after that."

And with that, Alex turned and opened the office door.

Straight into what appeared to be half the SVU squad.

Olivia, Fin, and Elliot stood there, wearing expressions that ranged from surprised (Olivia) to amused (Fin) to mildly uncomfortable but supportive (Elliot).

Olivia blinked. "Oh."

Fin's grin could have powered half of Manhattan. "Damn. Thought you two were just bad at flirting. Turns out you were just sneaky."

Elliot shook his head, though there was a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "Honestly? We should've seen it coming. Nobody spends that much time 'reviewing case files' after hours."

And because the universe wasn't done with them yet, Callahan chose that exact moment to walk by. He stopped, coffee cup in hand—probably another perfectly prepared espresso—and took in the scene. His eyes moved from Alex's slightly smudged lipstick to Casey's thoroughly kissed expression, and understanding dawned on his face with almost audible clarity.

"Well," he muttered, "that explains... a lot." He paused, then added with a weak laugh, "Like why you knew her coffee order."

Casey groaned, burying her face in her hands. Alex, somehow still maintaining her composure despite everything, simply adjusted her blazer with precise movements.

"Well," Olivia drawled, her grin growing wider by the second, "this is fun."

"I hate all of you," Casey mumbled through her fingers.

Alex, fighting what looked suspiciously like genuine amusement, reached over and laced their fingers together.

"Too late now, darling," she murmured, squeezing Casey's hand. "Might as well own it."

And as Casey looked at the team's smug, knowing faces—Olivia's warmth, Fin's mischief, Elliot's awkward acceptance, and even Callahan's embarrassed but genuine smile—she realized there was no winning this.

But maybe, she thought as Alex's thumb traced small circles on her hand, winning wasn't the point.

At least she had Alex.

And really good espresso.

Two weeks later, Callahan left a peace offering on both their desks: gift cards to that expensive coffee place he'd been frequenting. The note attached read: "Sorry for the awkward. But in my defense, your girlfriend is terrifying in court. - RC"

Alex kept the note pinned to her bulletin board, right next to the conviction record that had so impressed him.

And if anyone noticed that Casey started wearing her ties a little crooked, or that Alex's lipstick needed touching up more often after their "case review meetings," well...

Some things were better left unsaid.

Even in a building full of detectives.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: ok so listen; so Steve Harrington who didn't tell anyone he gets into a medical school (Indiana University School of medicine) but he travels to school during the week and Mike finds the graduation letter in Steve's apartment. He graduated as a premed student with a full scholarship to Harvard Medical school for the trauma surgeon program. The party realizes that their constant jokes making fun of Steve's intelligence caused him to not tell them about this. I want a mixture of angst with a full proper apology & a few years later him graduating from Harvard with the party cheering him.

MY LOOOOOOVE!!!! Nothing gets me going quite like a secret super smart Steve Harrington. Is it OOC? Maybe. But writing Steve as a fucking Harvard Med School graduate!!! A whole trauma surgeon!!!! YES!!!!! I obviously had to put some Steddie in there, mostly because Eddie deserves a happy ending, too and any chance I have to give him one, I will. - Mickala ❤️

---------------------------------------------

Steve was late. He’d been late a lot recently.

Mike started driving a few weeks ago, got his hands on Nancy’s car since she was busy traveling the world now, and he’d been quick to pick up the slack.

But he was growing impatient.

When they asked Steve why he was late, he shrugged it off, said he forgot. Everyone just went with it because obviously Steve’s kind of scatterbrained and a few fries short of a happy meal, especially after the head trauma.

But Mike was suspicious.

Steve let it go a little too easily.

And Eddie hadn’t stuck up for him like he usually did when they were teasing his intelligence.

Mike was letting himself into Steve’s apartment, using the key that he kept under the mat so the kids always had a place to go if they needed it.

He wasn’t home yet, but Mike had just been to Family Video and he wasn’t there either. Apparently, hadn’t been in at all today. Keith said something about ‘taking the day off for exams.’

Steve wasn’t in school though, so that meant he was lying and Mike wanted to know what he was lying about.

He looked at the counter, saw a large stack of mail, and decided that was probably a good place to start his search.

Most of it seemed like junk, a few bills, a letter from Robin, and an envelope that was torn open already from Indiana University.

If it was already open, it was fair game. That was his motto, at least.

He pulled out a thick stack of papers.

The seal in the corner of the first page said School of Medicine.

Was Steve sick? Had he started seeing the university doctors because of some weird problem with his head? Maybe that’s why he’d also been so forgetful lately.

Maybe they put him on a new medication trial or something and it was a side effect.

But he kept reading and felt his chest cave in.

Dear Mr. Steven J. Harrington,

It is a great honor to announce your successful completion of the pre-med degree program at Indiana University. Your incredible tenacity has proved that you’re prepared to work through any medical school program in the country.

Graduation is currently set for May 18, 1989. Please contact your advisor to reserve tickets by April 28, 1989.

Thank you for trusting Indiana University with your education. We look forward to seeing your accomplishments in the future!

“Holy shit.”

“Why are you reading my mail?”

Mike jumped at Steve’s voice. He’d been so busy reading the letter, he hadn’t heard the front door to the apartment open.

“You’re going to med school?”

“Hopefully, yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Steve rolled his eyes and made his way to the fridge, grabbing a can of soda for himself.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like. You’re. You’re you. How are you going to med school?”

Steve’s brows furrowed as he leaned against the counter and sipped at his drink.

“I graduated from pre-med as valedictorian. I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“You? Valedictorian? You barely got through high school!”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I hated high school. I was going through a lot of shit. It wasn’t because I’m stupid.”

Mike’s mouth was gaping like a fish, confused at literally everything that was happening.

“But-“

“I also just got into Harvard on a full scholarship if we’re gonna put it all out there. I was gonna tell everyone this weekend at El’s birthday party but I’m sure you’re about to run to tell them all.”

Well, how could he not? Steve had been hiding going to college for years! He was about to move to Harvard!

“Wait! Is Eddie going with you?”

“Yeah. We found an apartment over a record store and the owner hired him to run the store while he transitions into retirement.”

Mike felt like he was in an alternate universe. There was no way Steve Harrington was going to be a doctor. There was no way Eddie and Steve were moving to Boston.

There was no way he was leaving all of them.

“But. But what about us?”

“You guys are all practically adults. You barely even hang out with me anymore unless it’s to get a ride or get snacks for Hellfire. You didn’t even notice I was driving to and from campus for years. I think I’ve given enough of myself to people who don’t seem to want it,” Steve shrugged, looking down at the floor.

Mike wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but he also kind of just wanted to hug Steve and tell him that wasn’t true.

But it kind of was, wasn’t it?

They’d all taken advantage of Steve’s kindness for years. He’d been the best damn babysitter they could have, saved their lives multiple times, gave them money for the arcade and dates and pizza for pool parties when he lived in his old house.

They grew to just expect it.

He didn’t even know the last time he’d heard anyone say thank you. He certainly hadn’t said it in a long time.

“But, Dustin will be devastated.”

“He’ll be okay. He’s gonna go to MIT when he graduates and he’ll be right around the corner or something. I dunno. He hasn’t even called me just to talk in months. I don’t think he’ll miss me that much.”

Which just. It wasn’t true. Mike knew for a fact that Dustin would be heartbroken about Steve leaving.

“I.”

“It’s fine. Eddie’s gonna be home soon so if you wanna wait for him that’s fine. I’m gonna go shower and get an early night. Been up since three this morning.”

“Did you really have exams?”

“What?”

“I checked to see if you worked today and Keith said you had exams,” Mike said shakily, feeling entirely off balance.

“Oh. I just had to do an entrance exam for Harvard. They let me take it on IU’s campus since I can’t move until two weeks before classes start.”

Mike nodded once.

This was really happening. Steve was leaving.

Steve was going to Harvard.

He was taking Eddie with him.

And not a single one of them had bothered to notice any of it happening.

————————

“I told you I don’t know! I’m giving you everything I have!” Mike yelled at Dustin, who was pacing and clearly trying not to cry.

“It just doesn’t make sense! He always acted like he didn’t understand half of what we were saying when we talked science stuff!” Dustin yelled as he walked back and forth across the floor, wearing a pattern into the carpet.

“Maybe it’s because we’ve always just assumed he’s dumb. I mean, none of us really treated him like he could keep up, so maybe he just. Didn’t,” Lucas shrugged.

“He could’ve told us!”

“Or maybe he didn’t want to since we all thought he’d be lying,” Max added from her chair in the corner.

“He could’ve proved it!”

“Maybe he didn’t want to have to,” Eddie said as he walked in the room.

Hellfire was at Dustin’s tonight, and Eddie had been late.

His sudden appearance made them all cower where they sat or stood.

“No Hellfire tonight. I was gonna call, but had to drive by here anyway. Steve’s having a bad night and I’m pretty certain it’s your fault, so I’m gonna go try to get him through it.”

It was a bit harsh, but not undeserved.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Eddie?” Dustin asked quietly.

“It wasn’t for me to tell. He was going to when he got accepted into IU, and then you guys spent most of that night telling him he wouldn’t understand what you were talking about with your group science project so he kept it to himself. Then he just decided it wouldn’t be worth trying to explain anything since you wouldn’t believe him anyway. He asked me not to say anything until he announced his graduation and Harvard this weekend, so I didn’t.”

“But we would have been proud of him! He could have shown us his acceptance letter or something.”

“That’s not how you made him feel,” Eddie shrugged before turning back towards the door. “We’ll see you at El’s party.”

When Eddie left, the room was silent.

Everyone was deep in thought, trying to unpack everything.

With Hellfire canceled, they didn’t have much of a reason to stick around, but none of them felt like being alone.

Not when they started to realize that Steve was kind of the glue that held them all together and without him, they may not ever be whole again.

—-----------------------

El’s party was simple, just the usual guests and some cake and balloons. She didn’t like a big thing, usually preferred to have a sleepover with Max and just do their nails and listen to music.

Joyce insisted on having a little get together though, said it would be nice to celebrate something since they hadn’t really since Will’s birthday.

Steve was there, holding Eddie’s hand in the corner, talking with Hopper while Eddie talked with Joyce.

Steve told them everything when they got there since the kids knew, and while he knew Joyce and Hopper were happy for him, for both of them, they could send their shock.

All of the kids had hesitantly hugged Steve when they got there, barely saying anything to him, unsure where they stood.

Steve felt like he was closing the book on his life in Hawkins, and he hated that it felt like no one would join him in the next one except for Eddie.

Throughout the day, the kids would find their way up to him to just be close, soak in Steve’s energy, try to appreciate him now because they clearly hadn’t been before.

He let them. He could have told them to go away, or tried to talk them into apologies, but it wouldn’t do any good right now, and he didn’t want to ruin El’s birthday party.

Eddie could tell he wasn’t himself, though. He saw the way Steve’s eyes dropped down to his lap every time one of the kids would walk away from his side, how his leg started bouncing when things were quiet for more than a few seconds.

“You wanna head out?”

“I-”

“Steve? Can we talk to you for a minute?” Lucas asked, the rest of the party behind him watching with wide eyes.

“Oh. Sure.”

Eddie patted his knee and stood up, but Lucas gestured for him to sit back down.

“You, too. We owe you both explanations and apologies.”

So, Eddie sat. He would support Steve through whatever this conversation entailed, and maybe get something else out of it too.

“We all want to take turns saying stuff, but I wanna start,” Lucas said, playing with his hands nervously.

Steve nodded, always more patient than the kids deserved.

“I always saw you as the jock, ya know? Like, I respected you because you were a great basketball player and you had a lot of friends. I just kind of thought that was who you were, even after high school. You always made time to help me over the summer, even when you’d just worked an opening shift or had to go in for a closing shift. I didn’t really consider you an adult, even though you were. You were just there. You protected me, all of us, from some of the scariest shit any of us will ever have to deal with without even taking a second to consider your own safety. You just did it. And I don’t really think any of us thanked you. None of us would be here without you.”

Lucas was biting his lip, trying not to cry as he wrapped up his speech, but didn’t get a chance to start before Will started talking.

“I haven’t spent as much time with you as the rest of these guys have. But I know that you’re always there. You give me a ride when my mom can’t and you always slip me an extra $1 or 2 when we go to the arcade because you know I don’t have much. You hung up my art on your apartment wall even though it sucks and isn’t your style because you wanted me to know that someone supports me. You’ve been one of the only constants in our crazy lives, and we haven’t done nearly enough to show that we appreciate you,” Will wiped his eyes quickly as he turned away to let someone else speak.

“Billy was an asshole to all of us, but especially to you. You could’ve walked away that night, left Lucas and me to defend ourselves or die trying, but you didn’t. You knew he was a racist piece of shit and you got another concussion just so he wouldn’t lay a hand on us. That was the first time I ever had someone stick up for me like that. And after everything with Vecna, you were the one who always checked in, made sure I had rides to appointments, had food I could easily make when my mom wasn’t around, brought me to the skate park as soon as I was cleared by my doctor. I’ve never had someone who cared so much like you do and I’m sorry I didn’t know how to show you that it meant so much to me,” Max said seriously.

Steve was sniffling, and Eddie knew if he tried to comfort him too much right now, it would just make it worse. He squeezed his hand and wiped the tear falling down his cheek as the kids continued.

“I hated you for the longest time. I thought it was your fault Nancy changed, and then I thought it was your fault when Nancy and Jonathan got together, and then I just hated everyone and everything for a while. But I think it was just easy to use you to blame everything on because you let me. You just let me treat you like shit. You let me complain about your driving while you drove me anywhere I wanted to go. You let me blame you for Nancy being upset about the break up when she was the one who hurt you most. You let me think you were stupid when you’re brilliant enough to go to Harvard on a full scholarship. You let all of us take advantage of you and I don’t know why, but I wish I could turn back time and not let you do that. You didn’t deserve to be used by any of us, but especially me,” Mike said surprisingly sincerely.

In fact, Eddie watched Mike take a few deep breaths like he was holding back a sob.

“I am sorry for how we all treated you, Steve. I did not know that we hurt you. Dad said sometimes the people who hurt the most are the people who accept hurt as the way they are supposed to be treated, but that is not true. You should be loved so much, like Eddie loves you, by everyone. We should have done better,” El said as she held Max’s hand.

Dustin had been incredibly quiet, hiding in the back, not even looking up from the ground. Eddie could tell he wanted to say something, but probably didn’t know how to start.

It was no secret that Dustin was Steve’s favorite kid. It was also no secret that Dustin loved Steve like a brother, maybe even more, and that if Steve was upset, Dustin would want to make it right.

“I never had someone to look up to until you came around,” Dustin started, still not looking up from the ground. “My mom always felt bad that she didn’t give me a good role model or a brother or sister to look up to. But when you started watching over me, she felt like it was better this way. ‘That Harrington boy is special.’ That’s what she says all the time. And I guess I got used to her saying it and just didn’t think anything of it anymore. Like, yeah, you’re great. You do all kinds of stuff for me and for all of us, but it just felt like you wanted to so what made it so special? When Mike told us everything, it hit me that even if you wanted to do all that stuff, you still deserved a thank you. You went out of your way to make us safe and happy, and our only way to repay you was to constantly put you down and bully you. We spent years calling you out for what an asshole you were in high school while we ended up being assholes to you. You’re my brother and I haven’t been good to you. I’m sorry.”

Eddie was watching as Steve finally let out a sob he’d been holding in for too long. He pulled him into his chest, watching as the kids all wiped tears of their own away.

He knew the kids were genuinely sorry, he could tell that when faced with the reality of the way they treated Steve for years now, they felt terrible. But he also knew that Steve let it go on too long without saying something, and that it would take a while for him to really figure out a good balance of being there for the kids he loved and setting boundaries he needed to set long ago.

“Can you give him a minute guys? I’m sure he wants to talk to you all, but I think he just needs to calm down.”

The kids all nodded and scurried away.

They weren’t kids anymore, was the thing. They would always be kids to Steve, though. That’s why this was hurting so much. They were his nuggets, and they’d been unintentionally hurting him for years.

Steve had been so excited to tell them about getting into a pre-med program at IU, and when he couldn’t tell them, he changed. He was withdrawn in ways Eddie had never seen or expected. He was focused on school, and their relationship, but nothing else. He would go through the motions of driving the kids where he could when he could, throwing the occasional pool party, keeping up appearances.

He’d been exhausted for two years now. Running on fumes for miles, no end in sight. Until he got his acceptance into Harvard.

Eddie had never seen him so happy or proud of himself.

But the happiness faded quickly when he realized what telling the kids would mean, what going to Harvard would mean.

It meant moving, it meant leaving the kids, it meant spending the next 6-8 years so focused on school and residency that he probably wouldn’t have time to visit much outside of major holidays. It meant hoping that Eddie would come with him, support him, and love him regardless of the limited time he had to spend outside of school.

But Eddie would be there for every moment. He’d worked so hard, and Eddie wanted to be there for him every step of the way.

The kids would understand. They were almost graduated at this point, probably heading off to college themselves, and had their own lives to start.

“I wish I’d just told them about IU.”

“I know, sweetheart. But we can’t change the past. You’ve got such an amazing future ahead of you. Everyone is gonna be so proud of Dr. Steve Harrington.”

Steve smiled at that as Eddie dried his tears away.

When he’d calmed down completely, he walked over to where the kids were sitting on the porch.

He stood in front of them with his hands on his hips, a small smile on his face.

“If I forgive you all, will you stop looking like I just stole your ice creams and kicked your puppies?”

Dustin was the first to jump up and run into Steve, sobbing when Steve’s arms wrapped around him.

“It’s alright, bud. I love you, even when you’re a shithead, okay?”

All of the kids piled into Steve’s arms and around his back, all of them crying as Steve started telling them all about his program.

“I’m going to be a trauma surgeon. I was always pretty good at patching everyone up after Upside Down shit, so I figured why not make it a career? And I placed so high on the entrance testing, they suggested I go for pre-med instead of the EMT program. One of my professors my first semester suggested being a surgeon, so that’s the track I took.”

The kids looked at him in awe, like they were seeing him in a new light.

Eddie thought maybe they were finally seeing the Steve he’d seen all along.

—---------------------------------

May 11, 1997

“Steven Joseph Harrington, MD, summa cum laude.”

The cheers from his group were so loud, but they all ignored the dirty looks from the surrounding family and friends.

Steve Harrington was a Harvard graduate, a graduate with the highest honors, a trauma surgeon who already accepted his first position in a nearby hospital.

Everyone was so proud of him.

Wayne and Eddie had arranged for everyone to either ride in a rental car with Wayne or fly in to surprise Steve for his graduation.

He could see Steve look up into the crowd when he heard the screams, could see the grin spreading across his face as he realized his whole family was here to support him, just as they had been for the last eight years.

Everything Steve wanted and worked for was coming together, and everyone who believed in him was here cheering him on.

He was the best damn babysitter those kids had, and now he’d be the best damn trauma surgeon Boston Children’s Hospital would ever have.

[birdiescanfly]

Jake Seresin: Self-Esteem

I've been thinking about Hangman lately, and I can't get the thought of him as being a bit insecure and traumatized by his childhood out of my head. So obviously I need to flesh it out more, but I’m thinking Jake grew up poor. In my experience, this can lead to a very disorderly life which is why he likes to keep things so perfect and clean (His styled hair, his crisp uniform). Being dirty all the time as a kid, living in a dirty place, or even just not having nice clothes is something that like really effects Jake and that’s why he tries so hard to present himself in a certain way. Not only that, but growing up being called trashy and dumb kind gives you a complex so I think Jake would likely push for a different view of himself, even if its asshole perfectionist. Thus the creation of ‘Hangman.’ People see him as uppity and/or finicky, a clean freak, and a loner who only thinks of himself but like, it all comes from a desire to NOT feel like he did as a child. To prove himself.

I imagine him growing up Deep South, Bible belt all the way. A trailer park kind of life. I think that the reason he leans so far away from his old life is because he got a lot of backlash during his academy days maybe?  His commanding officers and peers probably had preconceived notions about him, especially if his parents were laborers with no higher education. (Neither of my parents graduated high school, and you wouldn’t believe how many professors I’ve had that find out I’m a first generation college student, and immediately treat my like an idiot.) I think, for Jake, it would be made even worse if he had a really thick accent. Maybe Jake even tries to hide some of natural drawl and slang. I often see him proud of his accent in stories, but I bet that during those first academy years, he just wanted to fit in. He wanted to prove that he belonged with people outside of the hicks he grew up around. (Up for interpretation, maybe he adored his family but he leans away from them to distance himself from that life cause he doesn’t feel like he fits in anymore, or maybe his parents were shit stains, up to you), but nonetheless, there is a divide between Jake and them now. It’s a very much “you chose them” mentality. Makes him feel in between worlds and that he’s always trying to prove that he belongs to his two spheres of life.

So yeah, Jake hides his accent because people think he’s dumb when he uses southern phrases or slides words together. So Jake hates dirt and disorganization, and he cleans and clean and cleans, he takes two showers a day and maybe even still feels a little filthy.  Maybe he still feels like he’s not smart enough, or good enough. And yeah, Jake grew up trailer trash, he’s got to prove himself a little more, he’s got to push a little harder than everyone else.  He’s got to be number one, or he’s nothing, right?  But he’s got Hangman for that.  Hangman can be number one, he can be the perfect pilot and he can be clean, and he can prove that he’s worth more than anyone ever thought.

I am in fact projecting, but what are comfort characters for, right? And also, I just love reading about everyone’s theories about why Jake is such a loner who leaves people behind, and I adore even more the stories that dive into Jake’s self-esteem issues and childhood.

I’ve got more to this idea, (Hangster all the way), but this is too long as it is so I’ll just make another post.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Not gonna lie, this whole thing really sucks. I think I wrote a message awhile back about the very cool feminist angle of the Plus Global Auditions Invitation video, I'm an SNL Army and was new to watching kpop very closely and was so sold by that video. I thought - 'this company is really different.' Going public with a company f*cks a lot of things up, it happens all so often, and often it's the people and the ethos that gets messed up the most. It's frustrating to see this devolution. Because I was really excited by what MHJ was being given space to do at BH/Hybe. Though, as a fellow art school student, I am shaking my head and serious side-eyes at how she says things like 'I'm an artist, I don't know how to read contracts' (obviously I'm paraphrasing) - it's clear Hybe knows she's got the goods but she's not playing by their game anymore. The response and flood of crazy comments and hate at BTS is frustrating but expected, but just such a waste of time all the same. I've also never thought BH and then Hybe were super super smart and long-gaming everything (don't come for me Bangtan U fans) I think they were lucky and scrappy and skillful and making cool things happen moment to moment. Later on they got better at the strategic planning, sure. I don't know. They may need a good kick in the pants to remember that's what makes them great at what they do. But still, I hate the idea of MHJ being cooked even if she seems like a real pain in the tush to work with. Because technically, she's what got me to really buy-in to what BTS & BH were doing in the first place.

***

Yeah, it's a shitty situation.

To be fair, I think at the start, Bang PD was trying to do something different and 'forward-thinking' with HYBE. He sought out good talent going by the hires he did in 2019/2020, managing to onboard creatives like Min Heejin and Zico. Zico already incorporated his company to manage himself before Bang PD approached him, which is probably why he owns ~24.5% of KOZ - his sub-label in HYBE.

But with Min Heejin...

She had partnered with 250 - a popular DJ in Korea and NewJeans' main producer, since she left SM in 2018. He runs BANA (a creative collective) but she'd wanted her own label since the start.

Bang PD knew this, and wanted her for HYBE, so it's likely he made all sorts of promises to get her on board without awarding her a single share. Almost as soon as key creative decisions had to be made post-Global Plus audition, they both clashed, but HYBE as a company was less than 1 year old and it appears Bang PD and MHJ still had good relations... which was kinda easy since he still needed her creative output and wanted to see what she could do. So they let her make her own label: ADOR, and keep NewJeans even though according to Min Heejin, HYBE executives and Bang PD thought her concept and style of music for them would be impossible to sell to k-pop stans.

They expected NewJeans to fail or flounder. Instead, by 2023 NewJeans had become one of the top 5 most valuable k-pop IPs in Korea. If my guess is right, by that point she had no shares in ADOR, no agreement with HYBE's indefinite non-compete clause. She could walk anytime and I'm sure a lot of people wanted her.

Then HYBE approached Min Heejin with the shareholder contract to give her 20% of the company. It's a classic 'carrot and stick'. The carrot was easy to see. Apparently offered her the shares at a very low price, apparently Bang PD even lent her the money to buy it, for a valuation that HYBE considered more than generous, he was in her KakaoTalk chats buttering her up with those godawful emojis lmaooo. He was selling that shit hard. The stick in the contract was the poison pill which essentially tied her to HYBE for as long as they want her.

Perhaps she was aware of the pill and signed any way because at that point they still had good relations with Bang PD and HYBE in general. But according to her, Bang PD kept wanting more control over NewJeans the more successful the group became. Realizing she had to do something about the poison pill, she sought to negotiate, and as is typical in these sort of situations, you fight greed with more greed.

Asking to bump up the multiple on the options from 13x to 30x is frankly ridiculous. For a male CEO I can see it being considered... maybe, but for a woman? In Korea?

I'm sure when the other suits at HYBE heard that's what she was asking, at least one of them almost had a stroke. The logic is simple though: start crazy high and end.. just high. If HYBE was looking to exert more control over NewJeans (for example, every sub-label and group in HYBE changed to using 'bio-paper and ink' for their albums starting in 2023, to help HYBE meet their ESG targets. The only company that's not made the switch yet, is ADOR. Given how carefully MHJ controls branding and album design for NewJeans, I can see this minute detail being a massive thorn lol)... anyway, if HYBE was indeed looking to gain more control, the fact that they'd have to pay 30x if MHJ exercised her options on a whim, would serve as a very strong deterrent.

Given what I understand Korean corporate culture to be like, I doubt she had any friends in upper management to start, but with a demand like that, practically all of them would turn enemies in a heartbeat. It's the sheer audacity lmao. My guess is she would've eventually negotiated down, at least once she was assured real creative independence from Bang PD. But at some point, rather, quite predictably given this is corporate Korea, the need for control and the egos involved decided she had to be cut loose now and perhaps taught to not bite the hand that feeds her.

It's not a sentiment limited to the suits at HYBE. It's followed her since SM and the general public would hate it too, which is one reason I think it's only a matter of time before the narrative switches again to HYBE's favour. I promise you, most regular men in Korea would go red in the face, eyes bulging out their heads, drool and spit shooting out like projectiles, at the thought she would dare to demand such a thing. And in a way they'd be right. It's an insane amount of money for female creative in Korea, but I think given everything else, it also seems like a gamble she was taking as a means to an end. A simple negotiating tactic, given what she keeps highlighting as her main goal - unimpeded and full creative and managerial control.

Bang PD wants to build a 'forward-thinking' company comparable to Western conglomerate juggernauts like SONY and Warner Music, but I don't think these Korean men have the chops to do it right, just yet. I've had that impression of Bang PD for a few years now. He's been getting results, but they are inconsistent and he's got the biggest 'surety' in a sense with BTS, so he's been fine, and will continue to be fine for a few more years at least. But if they are messing up this spectacularly with their first female executive and one of their most valuable IPs, over... an options price negotiation?

And they want to pretend to be better than any other corp in Korea?

Lol.

Anyhoo.

I sympathize a bit with how you feel, but as a Korean woman, I guess I'm numb to it. There's a reason I've never chosen to work in that country, there's a reason why the birth rate is nearing the negatives. It's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry you're seeing a prior expectation you had getting blown up this way. And this latest hatefest on BTS has been quite ugly and isn't near done yet. This whole situation is gross, and even more so when the motivations behind it are so... banal and backwards.

But these are undercurrents that are too simple and boring for the average stan. Burning the witch who is responsible for masterminding the demise of a virtuous group is far more exciting. And so that's how the story will go.

I just hope that by some miracle, NewJeans turns out okay and manages to thrive after this. Because in all of this mess, they will deal with the implications the most and for the longest time.

[kkcauseway]

Life- Joel's POV

Pairing: Joel Miller & f!reader Summary: Life from Joel's perspective. Content/warnings: TW-depictions of childbirth/sickness, lots of family fluff, like so fucking much...Joel Miller is just the most doting husband and father in the entire world! Protective!Joel, no use of Y/N, no outbreak. Characters: Joel Miller, Sarah Miller, Ellie Williams, (but ofc she’s a Miller, Tommy Miller, Maria Miller & You Author note: I’m so in love with this I can’t 🥲 hope you enjoy x

Read Life here I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

Joel’s day starts off pretty good, for once they get the right size for the headers and so work can be done instantly rather than the usual delays they always seem to encounter on a job.

You weren’t awake when Joel got up for work this morning as you’d spent most of the night tossing and turning, and so when you finally do wake it's not too long before you call him. His phone rings and your name pops up on his screen, so he takes his gloves off and removes himself from the noise.

“Hey baby, you okay how’d you sleep?”

‘I’ve been sick again, like a lot, I actually feel really bad this morning, but I did sleep for a few hours, I think… hope.’

“Oh baby…” He sighs “you’ve definitely slept at least for a little cus you were dead to the world when I woke up. Do y’need me to come home?”

‘No no I’ll be okay, I just need to get some food and chill which is exactly what I’m gonna do.’

“Y’Sure you don’t need me, cus fuck work I’ll come?” he laughs.

‘Joel it’s fine’ you chuckle. ‘Sarah's still asleep, when she gets up, I’ll tell her we are having a movie day and she can pick, she’ll be happy. I know we don’t usually let her sleep in this late but it’s just easier like this. And I couldn’t face taking her to school today I know that’s bad but-’

“Y’aint gotta explain yourself to me baby, I know you’re doin’ what’s best f’you. N'that girls smart enough, she can miss a day.” He interrupts.

‘Yeah, she’s our smart girl’ sniff ‘how’s work today?’ you end it with a yawn.

“Pretty good actually, they actually gave us the RIGHT size for the headers! So, we’ve been able to crack on!”

‘WOW! That’s a once in a blue moon occurrence. Today is obviously gonna be a good day!’ You laugh.

“Forever the optimist aren’t you baby. I hope you’re right!”

‘Ugh hold that thought, I’m definitely gonna be sick again, I’ll speak to you later, kay?’

“Ugh, I hate you bein' like this, but okay y'look after yourself, and let me know if y’need me to come home. I love you”.

-

When he stops for lunch him and Tommy go to a local café and he texts you to check up on you, the baby had you up basically all of last night and with this bout of sickness hitting you on top, he knows you’re miserable even if you try to stay positive.

“Better check in with the Mrs” he utters to Tommy as he gets his phone out of his pocket.

“Sure, I’ll get these.” Tommy responds with a smile, walking to the counter whilst Joel sits down on a nearby table.

How you feelin darlin?

He texts you and puts his phone back on the table as Tommy walks over with two BLT’S.

“How’s she doin?” Tommy asks taking a bite of his sandwich as he nods towards the phone.

“Mmm she’s not sleepin’ too good now, think she’s just ready for the baby to be here. I quite frankly am shittin’ myself at the prospect. And she’s been throwin’ up this mornin’ apparently, which is her worst fear. She hates bein' sick especially when m’not there”.

“Sounds like she’s havin’ a time of it, but she’s strong, plus, the dads are supposed t’shit themselves.” Tommy takes another bite. “Dads are supposed to be useless” he says mouth full, before swallowing “but y’all have done this once before so you know what to expect.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He sighs.

His phone pings then, lighting up with your reply:

Not too bad, having a few pains, nothing like labour though don’t worry, just these fucking Braxton hicks givin me a run for my money on top of all the rest. We’re watching Cinderella so just chilling.

Awh my girls, and as long as you’re okay baby?

He looks to Tommy again. “She says she’s been havin’ pains, but not labour pains. Shit Tommy my heart just at that feels like it’s gonna beat out my fuckin’ chest” he chuckles nervously.

“Ahhh, you’ve got this big brother, no need for you t'shit yourself.”

He takes a big breath then. Looking down at your reply.

I’m okay, feeling no more tired or shitty than I have been. x

I’ll try my best to be home on time baby. You just keep relaxing today, don’t let me find out you’ve been on your feet doing chores!

Yes sir, I promise. Love you. x

Love you too darlin, see you tonight x

Joel gets home from work at 5pm, which is the first time in a long time he’s managed to keep good time. He actually makes it home before dinner is even cooking. As he walks in the door Sarah runs to him.

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hey babygirl, y’had a good day?”

“Yeah, it was sooo fun, Mama said I didn’t have to go to school, and I made you both a picture, she put it up in the kitchen!” She says bouncing on her feet.

“Did she now? Well, m’gonna have to go and check that out now aren’t I! Where’s your Momma at?”

“She’s sleeping; she told me to tell you to wake her up when you got home” she points to the living room. “She was snoring a little bit.” She chuckles putting a hand to her mouth.

He laughs with her imagining your cute lil snores.“Okay thank you baby, now why don’t you go run and get that picture from the kitchen an’ I’ll go check on your Momma?”

“Okay!” And as if on a mission, she runs into the kitchen.

Joel quietly moves through the house to find you without disturbing you. He find you so at peace wrapped in a blanket asleep. He sits next to you and just watches. God, he loves you so much. And boy is he thankful that you’ve finally managed to get some proper rest. He’s felt helpless in how tired your body had been and how you’d literally sit there and cry because it’s just impossible for you to get comfortable. So this scene really makes him smile.

Sarah runs back towards him then, with the picture in tow. “Look Daddy!” She shouts as she jumps onto his lap shoving the picture in his face.

“Shhh baby, we’re gonna let Mama sleep some more, so we gotta be quiet okay, but lemme see” he takes it from her with one hand as the other cuddles round her waist.

“It’s you and Mama and me and the new baby!” She whispers as she points to the different people in the picture.

“Oh yeah wow! So, this is our first family portrait as a family of four huh? It’s beautiful I love it!” He kisses the top of her head.

“Thank you, Daddy, it made Mama cry when I showed her and then I felt sad, because she was sad!” She pouts.

“Oh, babygirl m’sure she wasn’t sad, m’sure she was happy, and it just made her a bit emotional.”

“Yeahhh, that’s what she said” she sighs “she said sometimes the baby makes her mind a little crazy.” That makes Joel laugh “so, I spoke to the baby and told them to stop, cus I don’t like it when Mama’s sad.”

He smiles at her, as the picture of you receiving that drawing from Sarah and how it would’ve made you tear up in an instant runs through his mind. You’d have been crying instantly unable to stop the tears, he had the same reaction; instantly watery eyed, but your emotions being so all over the place would’ve made it almost impossible to hide it, he was able to hide it; thank god. He can also imagine Sarah telling the baby off and it makes him chuckle.

“You’re such a good girl aren’t you. Thank you for lookin’ after Mama f’me today” he kisses the top of her head. “Now, how about you and I go and get some Chinese takeout for dinner, because we don’t want her cookin’ when she’s so tired do we? And we can leave her to sleep for longer in the quiet then?”

“Okay Daddy, I like that plan, I’ll go get my shoes! I’m gonna get my ones with the laces and try and do them myself again, but I’ll need your help Daddy if I can’t.”

“Okay baby, but I know you can do it, you’ve got so good” he whispers back to her laughing lightly.

Sarah jumps down from his lap and runs to get her shoes; he finds a piece of paper and writes a note to let you know where they’ve gone, in case you wake before he’s back. Leaving it next to where you’re sleeping. He tucks your blanket even tighter around you, before lightly kissing your head, you hum in your sleep, in response.

-

It’s whilst they’re waiting on the food that his phone pings again.

Baby needs spring rolls and lots of em please x

😂 I figured after last time don’t worry spring rolls secured x

God I love you x

-

They’re back within half an hour, Sarah instantly running to the kitchen to carefully get plates after she demanded she be the one to get them now she’s ‘a big girl who does her laces herself’. So Joel walks into the room finding you slowly moving your body as you exhale, a hand on the underside of your belly. Shit.

He puts the food on the coffee table.

“Baby what’s wrong?”

You startle slightly at his voice, groaning as the discomfort comes to an end. “Just another one of them stupid fake pains, I’m okay don’t worry.”

Joel feels himself getting nervous, thankfully the food helps that feeling to die back down. Especially after seeing you eat the most he’s seen in days, he’s happy to see you seemingly happier.

At 8pm Joel puts Sarah to bed, as he’s tucking her in and goes to give her a kiss on her head, her very sleepy face is replaced with a quizzical look. He can see the cogs whirring in her mind at a sleepy pace.

“Daddy when’s the baby gonna come?” She questions following it with a yawn.

He squats next to her bed so he’s eye level as he talks to her stroking softly at her head “soon babygirl, any day now.”

“Mm, I had a dream last night the baby was already born and when I woke up and it wasn’t true, I was sad.”

“Well soon you won’t need t’feel sad about that, when the baby is here, we will have ‘em forever, that’s excitin’ ain’t it?”

“Yeah! I can’t wait!”

He smiles softly “now the sooner you go t’sleep babygirl the closer we get to meetin’ the baby, time goes very fast when you sleep doesn’t it that’s what y’always say? So shut those beautiful eyes and before you know it the baby will be born”.

“Okay Daddy, I can't wait! Night night.”

“Night babygirl, I love you” he says as he stands, bending to kiss her head.

“Love you too Daddy.”

After softly shutting her door- but not all the way because she doesn’t like her door shut- he’s quick to return to you. He can tell something’s off. Once he’s made his way back downstairs you’re eagerly sat up waiting for him.

“She wasn’t too sad I didn’t come up to say goodnight, was she? I just can’t handle the stairs right now; my body is so tired.” You whine as you look to him.

“No baby course not, I’m sorry you feel so shitty” he responds as he comes to sit next to you, rubbing a hand over your thigh.

“Fuckkk” you suddenly utter sucking in a breath.

“Another one already, really?” He jumps forward a little.

You just nod as you let out a little moan.

Fuck. -and this isn’t even the real thing yet, he’s gonna be a mess.

This continues for the whole night in the most random of sequence. Until he feels enough is enough “Baby I know we are timin’ these as best we can, but they’re all over the place, I think we should just stop with this now and try to relax you? It’s obviously not labour.”

“Yeah, I’m just stressing myself out even more. They aren’t coming, I'd know if they were, although” you look down to your stomach prodding at it as you add “I do not appreciate this, thank you very much.” You sigh whilst he laughs at you telling off your unborn child. You then add “let’s just put something on tv and relax. God my body is so tired though, I hope it’s not long till it’s over.”

“I know darlin’, they’ll be here soon, and then you can relax. Not long baby” he cuddles you close.

You settle back down then trying your best to get comfortable.

-

A sudden wince within the quiet of the room as the tv plays softly makes Joel jump. He looks to find you rubbing just under your ribs.

“You havin’ another one baby?”

“No, just kicking my ribs, bloody rascal… here” you take Joel’s hand positioning it where you had just felt the foot? Of course, nothing happens, typical. The baby will kick and kick but when there’s an audience eagerly awaiting the show they stop. Thankfully all it takes is you pushing his fingers into the spot for the baby to respond.

Joel feels his heart melt, and he becomes overwhelmed with emotion. He’s so excited to be a dad once more even if he is petrified. “My perfect baby” he whispers as he strokes the spot.

About half eleven, your head is droopy on Joel’s shoulder, you feel super tired, and you think it best to take advantage of the moment, going up to bed now in hope that when your head hits the pillow, you’ll be able to sleep. Joel is close behind, watching as you carefully get yourself comfortable in the bed. He can see how much you’re aching, how difficult it is for you to move at all, but you still do it so gracefully, so beautifully. You’re just this ultimate beauty that he adores.

“Think I’m gonna have a bath in the morning if I still feel like this, maybe that will help?” It’s more of a question than a statement.

“Sounds like a good idea baby, now you go try n’sleep I’m just gonna use the bathroom then I’ll snuggle up next t’you.”

“Okay, night cowboy”

“Night beautiful, I love you” he bends to kiss your lips.

“Love you too.”

Joel stops off at the nearby storage cupboard before entering the bathroom, getting out one of the fluffy towels he knows you love so much. He places it onto the toilet lid ready for your morning bath if you decide on it. Then he makes his way back to you, the room is dark, he listens to your breathing for a second and by some miracle, you are in fact asleep.

He climbs in carefully next to you. “Sleep well baby” he whispers to you before placing a soft kiss to your shoulder as he snuggles up to your back, pulling you closer to him. He drifts off within seconds so happy and warm snuggled up to you.

🩷

He’s awoken in the middle of the night to a shout; he’s unable to make out what's said but it definitely gets his attention. It's only when he hears it again ‘Joeeel!’ And it’s clear it’s your voice that he lifts his body up and looks to his side, your side of the bed is empty and cold to the touch, you’ve been gone a while. He jumps up shouting “I’m comin’ baby!”

He shoves the bathroom door open and is met with you, red faced on your knees in the bath, gripping the side so hard your knuckles are white; gritting your teeth as you scream your way through what is an obvious actual contraction.

Fuck

He looks to you and you look back at him. Fuck you look like you’re in so much pain and he hates it. “Joel” you whisper to him. His heart is fucking racing and he runs over to you then, not a care in the world that he’s naked. “It’s okay shhhh, baby breathe” Joel strokes at your lower back. His voice laced with fear and worry even through he’s trying so hard to mask it.

When you manage to catch your breath back you look to him in fear “Fuck Joel, that one hurt” you groan as you lower yourself back onto your heels in the tub. Joel moves with you coming to squat besides the bath as he faces you.

“It’s okay, you’re doin’ amazin’ baby” he kisses your forehead before asking the question he’s dreading but already knows the answer to, “s’it time?” He rubs your arms as he looks into your eyes.

“I- yeah, I’m pretty sure it is” you whine as a tear runs down your cheek.

Fuck why didn’t you wake him earlier is all he can think. You chose to suffer for this long alone, but he won’t dwell on it, you look broken, your eyes full of tears. He wipes them from your eyes like he’s done so many times before, and he notices that gleam he fell in love with reappear in them, slightly. God you’re gorgeous. He stays in that thought till you have the audacity to apologise for waking him. You act like you’ve committed a crime “don’t you dare say sorry, y'aint got nothin’ t’be sorry for.”

He can see you getting more and more uncomfortable as time goes on and so he’s straight to your aid when you ask for help getting out. He grabs the fluffy towel from behind him and wraps you up in it to keep you warm as he holds you tight in his arms. He wants to keep you as calm as possible, and God does he love you, he hates seeing you like this . You snuggle into his chest; feeling as you physically relax.

“Y’know I knew second babies came faster, but this seems super-fast” it’s muffled as you say it into his chest. He hums in response, only allowing himself to internally panic. You look up at him then “Can we go back into the bedroom? I wanna go sit on the bed; my back’s killing”.

He kisses the top of your head then “Course baby, come on let’s get you comfy.”

He walks you into the bedroom and helps you sit on the bed. He then proceeds to help you to dry off and put on an oversized lounge set. He notices your bare feet; he can imagine you’re already feeling uncomfortable with them exposed like usual. So, he gets up, grabs some pink fluffy socks out of the drawer and puts them on your feet; knowing how cold your toes get. You like to torture him with them at night, pressing them against his warm legs.

“Thank you for always being so good to me cowboy” you smile at him.

Cowboy, you know how much he hates you calling him that: he’ll let it slide though all things considered. Fuck he loves you so much. He takes your free hand in between his; “baby I love you so much, and the fact that I have this amazin’ life and I share it with you, and you’ve given me Sarah, now this baby too, I am so so grateful to you...”

He eventually goes and grabs some clothes for himself. He hears as you struggle through another pain whilst he’s preoccupied. Fuck this is really happening. It makes him get dressed all the faster.

When he’s finally dressed, he’s absolutely petrified, his heart is racing to the point it’s almost painful and he can’t help but break out in a sweat, but he tries his best to keep it all to himself. He feels like a first-time parent all over again. Completely clueless and out of control. Remembering how Sarah’s birth was quite traumatic, and that you were in a lot of pain doesn’t help the situation. You were constantly crying out for him, and he’s never felt as awful as he did when he couldn’t take the pain away from you.

Especially considering he strives through life making sure you’re happy and healthy, this is the only situation ever, that he’s felt helpless in, and it scares him that he’s going to witness it once more. He’s pacing back and forth till he can’t physically stand it anymore. He checks all the bags are packed ready and places them ready to go by the front door, with everything present and correct he then proceeds to call Tommy.

The phone begins ringing and with every ring Joel feels worse and worse, he hates thinking that he’s waking them up. Although this was the plan, if it happened no matter when no matter where. He calls Tommy and lets him know. They will then come and stay as long as is needed with Sarah.

After five rings Tommy finally picks up.

“Hello” he answers with a sleepy groan.

‘Tommy, hey bud sorry it’s late, we need y’to come over’-

“Oh, shit so she was in labour?” He interrupts, his voice suddenly perking up and he can hear how he shoots up in bed.

-‘yeah, it’s time’-

“Oh my god labour!” Joel can hear Maria shout in the background before Tommy adds “If you can’t tell, Maria’s real excited, aint you sugar?”

“Hell yeah!” It’s distant again and she sounds out of breath like she’s running around the bedroom getting ready already.

Joel laughs.

“I’m excited too big brother” Tommy eventually adds. “Give us 20 minutes and we'll be there. Maria’s already dressed haha. Now you go look after your girl."

-‘Okay perfect I’ll let her know, see y’soon, thanks Tommy.’

He puts his phone back in his pocket before making his way back over to you on the bed, sitting at your side. “He says they’ll be twenty minutes max, should’ve heard the squeal Maria let out.”

“Anyone would think it’s her baby” you giggle “but amazing thank you”. God how he admires your ability to still be funny at any given moment. He loves how you find the positives in everything.

When the decision is made to wake Sarah to let her know, it freaks him out even more, it’s getting so real now. “You know what; I still can’t get over that we are doing this again” he smiles before kissing your forehead. “I love you baby” it’s about the fiftieth time he’s told you tonight, but boy does he mean it. He’s never ever loved you more.

🩷

Joel helps you to waddle across the hall to Sarah’s door, his hand resting softly on your lower back. He only leaves you then, in order to knock, before slowly pushing it open. Sarah is fast asleep, her nightlight highlighting her gorgeous features. She begins to rouse as he steps a foot into the room. “Daddy?” She rouses confused, he quickly looks back to you, just as another contraction washes over you. He goes to stop but you nod for Joel to continue in, so he turns back to focus on his daughter.

“Hey baby girl!” It’s an excited whisper.

Sarah looks to the window and notices it’s still dark. Rubbing her eyes, she looks back to him. “Daddy, it’s not morning.”

“No baby, I know, listen, me and Mama have somethin’ to tell you” he takes a seat on her bed, still unable to get over the fact she’s going to be a big sister.

She yawns as she sits up straighter in her bed, intrigued. “Where is Mama, was she shouting?” The concern evident in her voice which melts his heart.

He strokes her head “She will be in, in a minute baby. Now listen, your new little brother or sister wants to say hello, so we need to go to the hospital, Uncle Tommy and Aunt Maria are on the way to come and stay with you, whilst we’re gone okay.”

“The baby’s comin’?” A smile grows on her face.

“Yeah babygirl, the baby’s comin’.”

“Yay, okay!” It’s an excited squeal, one that reiterates the adoration and love she has for her unborn sibling already.

He strokes her hair as he stares at her, never having loved someone as much as he loves her.

“Mama!” She bounces in her place on the bed eyes lighting up as she looks to the space behind him.

“Hi my pretty girl!” He hears you reply behind him, sounding tired.

He’s quick to turn to look at you asking, “you okay?”

“Fine, honestly” you smile in response.

He nods.

“Can you come and sit with me Mama?” Sarah taps the place on her bed next to her as she shuffles over slightly.

He moves to be sat near to Sarah’s feet, giving you and Sarah more room to stretch out. He sits and stares at his two favourite girl as they converse with one another. When their conversation ends and they’re cuddling, Joel continuously smiling at you, he then taps Sarah foot “hey Sarah, last time to put your bet in, what’s it gonna be a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a sister I know it, she told me” certainty on her tongue.

“Oh yeah, and when did ‘she’ apparently tell you this?” You reply making Joel chuckle.

“When me and her were talking one day, you know we like to talk”.

“Well, we will soon see, me and Daddy think it’s a boy” he chuckles as you boop her nose.

“But I don’t want a - Oh- Mama? Are you okay?”

He watches as your body tenses, and you begin to close in on yourself. Squeezing your eyes shut as you begin to breathe your way through it.

“Mama’s okay baby” he’s quick to reassure when he notices the fear within her eyes. All the while he strokes a hand up and down your leg “This is just your baby brother or sister tryin’ t’get out”. Smiling at her for reassurance, she seems to relax slightly then, he then adds looking back to you “breathe Mama”.

“Oh” Sarah moves slightly in your arms, opting to rub some hair out of your face and behind your ear. Joel can’t believe what he’s seeing. Sarah then proceeds to kiss your check once she has done it adding her own “breathe Mama.”

Joel watches, his heart pounding with adoration and pride as you and Sarah show each other love. With the contraction over, Sarah moves to bring her mouth to your belly. She lifts up your top to expose it and whispers against the skin; “Don’t hurt Mama please baby sister” she kisses your tummy and adds “I can’t wait to meet you.” He tears up at that, instantly, but tries to hold it back because if caring Sarah decides to start hugging him too that will be it. The tears would start flowing and he wouldn’t be able to stop them.

Eventually there is a distant knock drawing all three of your attention’s. Joel is quick to stand up and is out of the room in the same breath. He races down the stairs to open the front door letting an excited Maria and Tommy in.

“How is she?” Maria questions excitement laced in her voice.

“Pains are gettin’ worse, but she’s okay.”

“Good” Maria smiles as she kicks off her shoes.

“And how’re you doin’ big brother?” Tommy looks to his brother.

“Shittin’ myself” he laughs letting out a big breath.

“Ahh you’ve got this” he reassures tapping a hand onto his shoulder.

“Hope you’re right” he laughs.

“Where are they?”

“They’re in Sarah’s room.”

He then proceeds to lead Tommy and Maria up.

“Hey stinker!” Tommy shouts to his niece as they enter the room.

“Hey Uncle Tommy, hi Maria!”

Joel looks to you in an instant, noticing that you’re crying and is straight to your side “You, okay?” he then reaches to Sarah’s bedside table to get you a tissue.

“I’m fine, I promise, Sarah was being Sarah, and now I’m crying. You know how it goes” you laugh wetly.

“Oh, I do. Jesus, you scared me for a second” he turns to Sarah then, stroking her cheek “You’re the best aren’t you babygirl” she giggles in response.

He then looks back to you “Right baby, y’ready to go?”

“Yeah” you smile and take a deep breath “let’s go have a baby!”

Fuck- another baby.

Joel holds out both his hands to you and he helps you to swing your legs back over the side of the bed. He then helps to pull you up with a groan. You take a second to catch your bearings, now you are back on your feet. Joel helps to walk you slightly to the middle of the room, so Tommy and Maria are able to position themselves on the bed by Sarah.

Maria sits herself next to Sarah and he can’t help but smile. Just as he notices you do. It’s so lovely to know she’s in amazing hands whilst you’ll be gone.

He’s holding your hand as you begin your usual routine which makes him laugh. Telling Sarah to be good, do as she’s told, all that jazz. He’s so used to the routine that he isn’t fully paying attention but when he hears “ugh” his full attention is in that moment, watching as you place your free hand under your stomach. Joel grabs hold of you tighter then- it’s when you shout “f-fuck!” that he gets scared. When in labour with Sarah, you only started swearing when it got bad. He feels as you grip onto his arm like it’s a lifeline and move back to face him. He shushes you as he offers you his other arm too, so you can hold onto him properly and sway. You push your forehead into his shoulder. You can’t help but be vocal this time, in too much pain to be able to control the moans that come out of your mouth. “You got this baby” Joel whispers into your hair. His heart pounding, and he’s kicking himself that he can’t really help. He holds you as long as is necessary.

You and Joel look into each other’s eyes when the pain is gone, it makes him even more nervous when he can see you’re already beginning to feel deflated. Yet he also can’t help but smile at the fact you swore in front of Sarah. It’s this smile that causes you to remember what you had just said. You stand up tall again and turn back to look at Sarah. “Mama is sorry for saying that baby, I didn’t mean it, be good for Tommy and Maria, listen to what they say okay? I love you.”

As Joel helps you to begin walking out of the bedroom Joel turns to look back at the three of them; “Tommy, I’ll be in touch, thank you again for havin’ her. See you soon babygirl, be good, love you!”

“Love you too Daddy, make sure to look after Mama”.

“I will, I promise!” He laughs.

Tommy and Maria both shout good luck and you make your way downstairs, grabbing the hospital bags that you left by the door, and then you’re on your way.

🩷🩵🩷

After what felt like an eternity in the room alone. Joel feeling terrorised as he watches you suffer through the pains. The hospital room door opens, he raises his head on the click of the door.

“Hi, I’m Sally your midwife, how are we both doing?”

Joel nods “good” in reply as you add “good thanks, but definitely progressing much faster than I expected.”

“Well, there’s never really been a time scale for these thing, your baby must just be super eager to make an appearance! Are you okay if I check you, just to see how far along you are?”

Joel moves to support you through the examination knowing that it’s going to be awful but stops as you begin crying out in pain again. Moving instead to rub your lower back, ‘counterpressure’ he remembers the midwife at Sarah’s birth called it. He doesn’t remember your cries being this bad last time. It makes him angry that he can’t stop it.

Once the pain ends, he helps you to shift in the bed, so you’re able to get into a suitable position for the examination. Knowing it’s going to be uncomfortable; he remembers from last time; he’s already offered you his hand.

He stands impatiently from beside you looking as the midwifes head disappears below the blanket. He feels you grip his hand tighter once the midwife begins the exam. Eventually her head pops back up.

“Okay, six centimetres, coming right along, well done! Won’t be too much longer now hopefully” she snaps her gloves off.

“Oh, thank god” you groan.

“Now am I right in thinking it’s in your birth plan to have a water birth, if we have a room with a pool free? Is that still what you want?”

“I would love that! I really regret not having a water birth with Sarah.”

“Okay, no problem, I’ll get onto the case and find out if we have a room, I’ll be back with the verdict asap, in the meantime, I’ll be right outside if you need me, okay? That red button to your right, press it if you need me, I’ll come running, literally, especially if your water breaks okay, shout me!”

“Will do, thank you, nurse” he responds she smiles before leaving the room. Leaving the pair of you alone, listening in tune to your babies heart beat.

“She’s nice” you murmur as you turn to him and smile.

“Yeah, I like her” Joel agrees. She seems like a caring midwife of which he’s glad, the midwife at Sarah’s birth just kept getting mad at you and he’s really hoping that won’t happen again. He got really angry with her, but didn’t act on it as he needed to be there to support you. He was sure to put in a hefty complaint afterwards though. Eventually you snap him out of his thoughts.

“Hey not too much longer baby and we will be a family of four, how crazy is that!”

“I can’t wait” and he really can’t, just the idea alone of his family expanding makes his heart feel so full. “D’you think Sarah is right about it being a girl?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I know she really wants a sister, so I would love to give her one. But either way she will be the best big sister, I know that much.”

You’re right of course, she’s such a special little girl. “Oh, she most definitely will, I have to agree with you there darlin'.”

Joel moves his hand out of the grasp of yours and begins to caress your belly. Making gentle work of it, as he knows just about any pressure on it right now is painful. You let out a pleasurable moan in response. His palms tickling your belly in a really relaxing way. His baby kicking in response every so often. And it seriously makes him tear up. He’s going to be meeting his baby soon.

“God, I really hope I can have a water birth.”

“I’m prayin’ for you baby” he replies leaning down to kiss your stomach.

🩷🩵🩷

Two hours later, again, your breathing begins to speed up as another pain takes over you whilst you lie on your side in the hospital bed. You’ve been checked multiple times and it seems this baby is in no rush to make an appearance. You grab onto Joel’s arm as you moan with the pain. You lean into him, curling your body tight. He uses the arm you don’t have a hold of, to rub up and down your back. She’s getting bad is all he can think. Struggling so much to keep your composure. He can't believe it’s dragged out this long. Time is just going on and on and this baby seems no closer to coming.

“Y’got this baby, m’so proud of you” he reassures softly.

“Ugh, it really hurts” your voice breaks and you can’t help the tears that begin to fall. “I can’t do it anymore!”

Shit “You can baby, you can. You’ve got this, you’ve done it all before with Sarah. Just think of how amazin’ life is now because you brought her safely into the world. You did that! Endured all that pain t’bring her into the world, and now you’re gonna do the same again with this baby. We are all so lucky to have you. You’re so strong. So beautiful n’so strong.” He kisses your sweat soaked forehead. Fuck he hates that he can’t do more.

When the pain eventually subsides, you have the ability to sit up straighter. Joel moves out of your way so you’re able to sort yourself out, however you wish to. Rather than sitting against the pillows, you bring your legs over the side of the bed, so you can sit directly facing Joel. You hold your hands out on either side of the bed to help you stabilise.

He stares at how small you look, dropping to kneel in front of you, allowing you to put your arms around his neck, in an effort to hold him closer. He’s your safe space. You pull each other into an embrace, and you rest your head on his shoulder as you cry.

“Shhh baby, you’re okay, you got this” he kisses you softly.

You don’t say anything, you just continue to hug him as you shake and cry. Joel brushes his hands up and down your back. After giving you a moment:

“Hey darlin', look at me” he whispers to you as you stay snuggled into his neck. You don’t move, just shake your head no into his shoulder. “Baby” he pulls away a little “please, look at me” this time it’s much sterner, but still drowned in concern.

You slowly lift your head up; your hair falls in front of your face as you do so. Your face red and shiny with tears. You looks exhausted and defeated. Joel brushes the hair behind your ears and smiles at you. He then wipes your wet cheeks to free them of your tears. “Hi” he smiles “there’s my girl, see you’re so strong. So much stronger than I could ever be. I promise you, you’ve got this”.

“I don’t” you whimper.

“Baby” he laughs “you do! Look at you, you’re literally doin’ it as we speak!”

“I don’t feel strong”.

“But you are, come on take a deep breath. S’all gonna be worth it”.

You take a deep breath in before exhaling, keeping eye contact with Joel as you do. You bring a hand to your lower back with a wince.

“Can you help me up please? I wana walk for a little?”

“Course baby, whatever y’need”.

He takes hold of both of your hands and pulls as you begin to lift yourself off the hospital bed with a groan. You then proceed to pace; breathing deeply as you rub your belly. Joel watches from the side lines chewing on one of his nails. What the fuck can he do to help you? He thinks and thinks till a great idea comes into his head.

He looks at you as you pace “You up for some music? We can dance for a bit, will that help?”.

He stops you in your tracs and you look up at him. One hand still holding your belly. “Aww Joel, you cutie you still wana dance with me? Even when I look like this.”

“I always wana dance with you darlin'." They’re the truest words he’s ever spoke.

He makes quick work of grabbing his phone and puts on a random playlist of slower songs. He takes you into his arms and cuddles you close swaying with you. He loves feeling you so close and calm. Content to be in his arms. You stop with each contraction that hits you, and he rubs your lower back. He kisses the top of your head every so often. You continue to do this for a while, seemingly more relaxed until:

“Shit, wait Joel stop, I feel weird.”

He immediately stops swaying with you but continues to hold you. His heart suddenly pounding once more.

“What d’you mean?”

“I- I, it feels weird down there, I don’t know.” He watches as you grab the underneath of your stomach.

“What can I do?” he can’t help the fear evident in his eyes.

You begin to stand straighter in his arms. “I- I just need to move, just need t-"

You’re interrupted by a gush of water, falling from between your legs. Soaking your bare feet, and Joels boots.

Shit.

He blanks out for a second, staring into empty space, unable to do anything, but is brought back when you keel over with another pain. Placing your palms onto the hospital bed as you sway and moan.

Joel rushes to push the red button, then races right back to your side to help you through it. The nurse is in the room within a couple of seconds.

“Hey, I was just on my way back to you guys, what’s going on?”

Joel notices you’re still getting over your pain, and that he is going to need to respond on your behalf.

“Erm, her waters went”.

“Oh goodie! Progressing as we should and to top it off, we have a room free. We will take you there when you’re ready sweetie” she rubs your shoulder in concern.

🩷🩵🩷

The short walk to the delivery suite brings Joel out in a sweat. He’s walking behind you in the wheelchair, being pushed by Sally, carrying the bags. Fuck it's really happening. When you enter the suite, he gulps. This is where it’s going to happen, when he next leaves this room, he’s going to be the dad of two. Completely responsible for two lives. Sally begins filling the pool at once. He helps you to stand out of the wheelchair and fishes out your bikini top from the bag. He helps you to put it on and ties your hair off your shoulders. Finally helping you to climb into the water once it's ready. Sally instantly handing you the gas and air.

Joel has a newfound energy now. Coaxing you exceptionally through the pains you have and the next hour of contracting in the water, comes and goes in what feels like five minutes. Now, you’re sat leaning against the side of the tub, a flannel over your forehead as Joel is rubbing your shoulders. Your body so tense and achy. He feels your shoulders tense telling him another pain is starting. This pain is excruciating. There’s something much more primal about this scream that Joel notices instantly. He watches as you sit up taller in the pool, pulling a face as you try to move to get more comfortable, which is just impossible.

He moves into your view “You okay baby?” alarm bells instantly ringing when he sees the distress on your face.

“There’s so much pressure down there I think-  I feel like- like I need to push.” You take a second to get a proper feel for what it is you’re feeling eyes bugging as you look to him again, “yeah, I do- I need to push Joel!”

Shit.

He’s quick to jump up, pressing the red button and it takes all of ten seconds for Sally to return.

“How we doing?” she asks genuinely, but it’s obvious she knows the answer she’s about to get.

“I need to push!” you utter before a contraction takes over you that has you screaming in pain. You turn in the tub to face Joel and put your arms over his shoulders. He hugs you close.

Okay it’s happening, it’s official. He remembers the screams; this baby is coming and it’s coming now.

“You’re okay baby, you’re doin’ so good” he reassures.

“Okay, when this pain is over, I’m going to check you, whatever you do, do not push, okay?” Sally shouts in a rushed tone.

You nod into Joel’s shoulder in response and it takes every fibre of your being not to push. You don’t move whilst she examines you, continuing to cuddle into Joel as you try to suppress the urge to push.

“Okay it’s go time angel; babies head is right there I can see it.”

“Oh, thank God” it comes out like a cry.

He lets out a massive sigh of relief. “Y’hear that baby you can push” he softly whispers.

“You can start pushing as soon as you’re ready angel, how do you want to do this? You happy in the position you’re in or do you want to move?”

“No, I want to stay like this” you say determined but exhausted.

“That’s absolutely fine. Now on the next contraction, I want you to push with everything you’ve got, okay, I’m going to count to ten and I need you to push that whole ten seconds, okay? You’re no quitter, so I don’t want any giving up.”

“Yeah, okay” it’s about all you can manage response wise.

It doesn’t take long till the next contraction happens, they’re basically on top of each other by this point. You bare down as you grip onto Joel, and you give it all you’ve got. He feels as you bare down and squeeze into his body as you ensure all of your energy is being used to push into your bum. You hold your breath squeezing.

“Good!” the midwife shouts “keep going that’s it, 8, 9, 10!”

You stop pushing with a gasp.

Joel gasps too, that was the longest ten seconds of his life.

“You did so good baby” Joel whispers in your ear. He knows reassurance is key right now. The last thing he wants is for you to start feeling as though you can’t do it.

“Ready to go again?” the midwife asks, and you nod before baring down for another ten. It takes a few more pushes before the head is completely out.

“Okay good the head is out! Well done! Take some deep breaths for me. Just a few more pushes and your beautiful baby will be here!”

“The heads out?” he hears you cry into his shoulder.

“Yes, it’s out!”.

“Can I feel?”

“Yeah, course go for it” the midwife adds. You move out of Joel’s grip slightly, bringing one of your arms back to feel the head between your legs.

He watches as her hand disappears between her legs. Face lighting up before looking him dead in the eye. “Oh, Joel, I can feel them, wow they have a lot of hair”.

“Yeah? Lotta hair, just like Sarah?” he asks. Feeling so much love for this baby already. His new baby has loads of hair just like his gorgeous daughter did. He could cry.

“Oh yeah beautiful full head of hair I can see it” the midwife adds in looking over your body to look to Joel briefly. They smile at each other.

“Good, hey almost there now baby” he kisses your head as you lean back into him. He couldn’t be any prouder of you if he tried.

The room is filled with pants as you all wait for the next pain. Joel feels as your entire body heaves. He can feel how tired you are becoming; more than glad you’re now at the final stretch.

“Give us a really big push on this next contraction, okay?”

“I can’t” you shake your head into Joel’s shoulder.

“Baby you can, what do you mean you can’t?”

“I can’t do it anymore, I can’t!” you cry.

This hurts him. It cuts deep. You’re absolutely deflated. “Baby, you’ve been doing so well and you’re so near the end now”. You don’t reply or give him any indication that your listening, so he quickly adds “hey look at me.”

You lift your head slowly from his neck to look at him.

“You’re so strong you’ve got this, okay? You push, give it everythin’ you’ve got and lets meet this baby of ours, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, okay”

“Good girl” Joel replies kissing your forehead. His smile reappearing once he sees some of your sparkle reappear.

The pain begins to wash over you and you push until you can’t anymore. Joel and Sally coaching you through every second of the push.

“Few more pushes and baby is out” the midwife adds.

“Good you can do this baby come on!” Joel shouts enthusiastically.

You scream as you bare down gripping onto Joel’s shoulders. It takes three more pushes to get the baby out. The midwife is there to catch and when the baby is finally free from your body you immediately sit back releasing Joel, taking the baby from her.

Oh god, he’s so overwhelmed watching you cry as your new baby is passed to you. He’s in shock.

“It’s a girl!” the midwife announces as she places your screaming daughter in your arms.

“Another girl Joel!” you cry at him, and he comes over to kiss you on the head before placing a hand on the back of his new screaming daughters head.

He’s now the dad to two girls. He has two girls to protect now.

“She’s so beautiful” he finds himself choking back tears.

“Sarah was right” you laugh, “she got the sister she always wanted”.

“Look at all of her hair!” he’s genuinely shocked, he strokes it with his large, calloused fingertips, it’s so much more than Sarah had, and he though that amount was crazy.

“She gets that from her daddy” you chuckle.

You had said the exact same thing to him when Sarah was born, he remembers it clearly. Fuck he loves you he can’t help the tears that begin to fall.

You’re crying, Joel’s crying, the baby is crying. You all just stay like that for a minute.

“Dad do you wana cut the cord?” Sally asks Joel, bringing you both out of your new baby bliss bubble.

“Y- yeah” he replies. His first responsibility to his new daughter. Freeing her. Making her, her own person. An individual. HIS beautiful individual.

He grabs the scissors from Sally watching as you move the baby to be cradled in your arms, he reaches down to cut the clamped cord. The midwife then takes the baby and gives her to a nurse to clean her off whilst you deliver the placenta.

Joel feels useless as the nurses work round him preparing you to go to the postnatal ward. But when you allow him the honour of carrying your daughter up to the new room he jumps at the chance. Walking at a snails pace along the corridor to the lift. Petrified of anything and everything in his surroundings.

🩷🤍🩷

An hour later all three of you are settled in the postnatal ward. Joel sits on the chair next to the bed watching your newborn daughter sleep against your chest. She makes little purr like noises as she does. He could cry as he rests his palm against her head. She’s so small.

He stares at her for who knows how long. Time non-existent in his new daddy bubble. “What should we call her?” he eventually asks. Knowing you’ll have come to a decision having now seen her face.

You turn your head to the side to look at him briefly, whispering back “I think she looks like an Ellie.”

“Ellie?” he looks to her squished, pouty face then. Studying her as a grin grows and grows on his face. Ellie, HIS ELLIE. “S’perfect” he leans to kiss her tiny head.

As if she hears herself being talked about, she stirs awake and lets out a little grouchy cry. That quickly turns into a pleading scream.

“Oh, Baby Ellie, you’re hungry again huh?” you ask her.

Moving, Joel quickly grabs Ellie from you, as it's much easier to undress yourself ready to feed her that way. When your breasts are freed and you’re propped up comfy enough on the cushions, Joel helps to position her at your breast, knowing it still really hurts when you move. Her tiny head fishes around for the nipple; quickly finding it, she latches almost instantly. Joel leaves you both to it then. Retreating back to his chair to admire your amazing body and what it does to keep your daughter alive.

“You’re so special baby” he murmurs to you quietly, not wanting to disturb a very content and hungry Ellie.

“Joel don’t you’ll make me cry” you reply wetly with a soft laugh.

“I mean it, I don’t think I could love you any more than I do right this second” he smiles at you.

“I love you so much too, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“That was all on you baby, nothin’ to do with me.”

“Joel, shut up, you were there when I needed you, you kept me calm. You’re my hero, now get your ass over here and kiss me because I can’t move” you laugh.

He’s quick to laugh back rising from his chair and coming to sit on the bed next to you. He’s delicate as he touches your cheeks, curling his fingers round the back of your head, he pulls your face towards his connecting your lips. It’s a deep, sensual kiss. Long awaited, much needed. Full of love.

He eventually retreats back to his chair, but not before stopping off at his bag, and getting out his camera. He sits himself back down and turns the camera on, pointing it right at you. You looks gorgeous right now, he needs to keep this memory forever.

“Babe, stoppp I bet I look a mess”.

“You look gorgeous Baby.”

This birth had been much less traumatic than Sarah’s and you’re raring to go home. Thankfully you get the all clear to go, Ellie was born six hours ago; she had fed easily and is going to the toilet normally. And you got the all clear on your health too, so home time it is. Joel dresses Ellie in her going home outfit, you brought a blue and a pink one with you. He makes sure she’s wrapped up incredibly warm as he places her into the car seat. Leaving you with enough time to give Sarah a call like you promised.

The walk to the car feels so long. Him taking every single step extra carefully. You make him stop at the entrance so you can take a photo of him carrying your daughter out in the car seat, just as was done with Sarah.

He's shitting himself for the drive home, and with you and Ellie safe and secure in the back he gives himself an internal pep talk, telling himself to calm the fuck down and then you’re off. Driving into the night. Going home to make your family of four a reality.

🩷🩵🩷

There’s a welcome home sign on the front door, clearly made by Sarah, when you make it back home. Joel quickly rushes out of the car to open your door for you, helping you out of the car. “Do you wana get her or do you want me to?” He questions. “You get her babe” you reply to him.

He nods making his way into the back to get Ellie out who’s sleeping soundly once more- definitely his daughter. You then walk up to the front door together; Joel quickly unlocks it before moving back to allow you to enter first. Him close behind you with Ellie in tow.

You walk into the living room and Sarah runs straight to you. Jumping up and down in front of you. “MAMA!”

Sarah’s voice makes his heart so happy.

“Hi beautiful girl!” you say as you gently crouch down to hug her. “You wana meet someone special?” You mumble to her as you cradle her body close to yours.

She nods as you break away, her eyes fixed behind you, watching as he walks into the room, baby carrier in tow.

“Babygirl, this is Ellie, your baby sister” he announces excitedly.

“Sister? It’s a girl! See I told you!”

“Yeah, you were right baby, now if you go and sit nicely on the couch, you can hold her if you want?”

“Yes, yes pleaseeee!”

Sarah runs hurriedly over to it sitting nicely, kicking her legs with excitement. You come to sit next to her and put an arm around her. He delicately places the carrier down onto the floor and bends to carefully unclip Ellie to get her out. Maria and Tommy both coo from the other couch when her tiny body is lifted out of the seat. Joel wants to cry at the sight of her miniature body scrunching in on itself as he lifts her out. He walks over to Sarah, keeping Ellie in one arm as he uses the other to help Sarah to position her arms in order to hold her new sister correctly. Sarah’s one arm is moved to be propped against a pillow to further help her in supporting her baby sister. He then carefully places Ellie into her arms, eventually releasing her altogether.

“Hi Ellie, I’m your big sister. She’s so tiny wow” she strokes her cheek gently.

“She is huh?” He adds crouching next to her. “She’s gonna get so much bigger though, one day she will be as big as you.” And boy does she look big holding her dot of a sister.

“She’s so beautiful” as if on cue, Ellie opens her eyes then and looks straight up to her big sister in curiosity.

“Look Sarah she recognises you; she remembers her big sister’s voice from all those times you spoke to her when she was in my tummy. God, you look so big holding her baby girl” you bend her head towards you gently then to kiss her.

Joel reaches into his bag and gets his camera out once more. Needing to capture this moment of his three girls forever.

He quickly turns it on “girls look up, let’s get a picture of the three of you.”

You and Sarah both look up at once, you quickly wipe the now drying tears from your face. He ensures he takes lots and lots of pictures. So completely happy in this moment he never wants it to end.

“Right daddy I think it’s time you got in too, don’t you?” Maria asks from behind him, placing her hand delicately on his shoulder, he quickly passes her the camera and sits the other side of Sarah, you all smile once more at the camera, and Maria also take one of the three of you looking down at Ellie as she makes her tiny little noises.

"Okay now enough you lot, think it's time Uncle Tommy had a cuddle, don't you?" Tommy asks “c’mon shift, stop hoggin’ my niece!” He jokes.

You all can’t help but laugh at him.

This is family, this is love, this is the life you’d spent your whole life dreaming of. And here you are finally living it, and it’s so much better than you could’ve ever, ever imagined.

LIFE I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist I Next

[niittinaatti]

LG Niiverse: Brainfreeze

This is some lame band that was around a few hundred years ago and pretty forgotten nowadays. Basically these guys bonded over being magic in zareen and sick all the time and started a shitty band about it as teenagers, but they’re adults at this point and have gotten a little less shitty I think. Also surprisingly regular ass names because when I came up with these guys I was already past my curlinitajosefrollop phase

Casio: He plays keyboard and has multiple sclerosis and can’t move much, but the big reason he’s so sad-looking half the time is because his parents were very dami jani and made him go to strict school and study a shit ton even though he’s not even that smart (good at faking it though) He might also be another relative of Yue’s, being all dumpy seems to run in the family. Also for some reason he thinks vampires are sexy as hell and loves reading trashy inaccurate goffik books about them lol

Zicki (or Zic Lux Lin but obviously nobody calls her that) is a goblin who wears a wig to look cool and an ugly pepaja sweater to look less cool. But who cares she’s cool. Anyways she’s their guitarist and very loud and energetic but easily pissed off sadly. Uses magic to make herself louder at every opportunity, and can also shoot lightning. Fights with Stefan a lot especially.

Croc: One of Sovereign’s older kids who he banished as a kid for being an idiot (probably just had the Mr. Ocean condition) and got raised by some fishers from Zareen over a few generations. He plays sax or similar and he’s a silly guy and still pretty childish since he grew up slower than the others of course. Likes weird flavored sodas and collects scented erasers. He might actually be still alive maybe.

Jonas is a faun who plays bass and draws their posters. He’s trans and knows he looks incredibly girly but doesn’t give a shit, but he doesn’t talk much because he doesn’t like how his voice sounds like. Also is the biggest slut in the band and always tries to score with people, but he’s pretty chill and probably has the most braincells out of them. Can do some healing magic which is useful when these idiots get into shenanigans, also evil memes

Stefan is this wimpy scringly albino satyr whose mom sent him to live in the city cuz the woods was getting a bit scary. He’s got three asshole feral jock brothers who sometimes come over to beg him for stuff cuz zareen doesn’t have much woods anymore idk. Anyway Stefan is only slightly less of an asshole and pulls pranks on people for fun a lot but he’s surprisingly non horny, doesn’t want to fuck people unless it would be funny or smthn. Anyway he plays drums because of course

He’s magical and can do telekinesis but like most satyrs he’s pretty shit at it. He has to hold bigger objects while moving them so basically he has more like super strength but it’s something. Also he owns this impractical huge ass final fantasy sword that he carries around just to show off.

Zigzag: A maenad who spawned when the band were jamming out one day. This was a pretty big deal because it proved that whatever tf they were doing qualified as music so they basically made her their mascot and got inspired to do better. Zigzag is their biggest fan and wishes she were smarter and could invent a freeze ray to really freeze the brains of people who throw tomatoes at them but Karenza stopped making minervae what can you do. Yeah she’s still around of course.

But they still have their fans even now... Pakila got an old ass record from her dad (Awesomeness gave it to him as a bonus, for some reason) and decided that it's WAY better than the crap Sineriina and all the other kids listen to, and got Maleena into it too, and also Ignatius who they doesn't otherwise get along with but he secretly likes their weird music. Maybe these 4 will become a shitty villain team or something when they're older hah

How Brainfreeze feel about smoking cigarettes Casio: No thanks Croc: Will slap them away from your hand like they're evil Jonas: If you offered him he would act comically offended and play a song about how smoking is deadly for three hours Zicki might try once, pass out from coughing and then swear them off for life Stefan: Well that's more for him *shoves the entire pack in his mouth and smokes all at once* Zigzag: Lame, that's not broccoli

Obligatory bonus

It’s my loomingsona! Wowie!

I’m a faun with one antler because that’s very gender. Also I can't see much with the goggles and blame drawing mistakes and failed memes on that. Boring outfit because I dress boringly in real life (it's comfier)

Slightly less boring outfit:

They make comics for the funny pages on some kinda global Matuzan magazine. Apparently dwp's sona works at its advice column. Also they’re a descendant of Varas’ brother Rosvo who I made up (that’s a Finnish word for bandit because I’ll never stop bullying Varas for her name)

Also some headcanons: Fauns of Ibias descent have a little higher chance for the females to have antlers, though it's still uncommon. It's a reference to how female reindeer have antlers. Also, reindeer eyes change color according to the season because they accommodate for the different amount of light, so faun eyes change color according to the season or if they travel to a different climate, but probably not as much as with reindeer and it's less noticeable in darker eye colors.

That's me in the winter, in the summer my eyes turn brownish, around the same shade as my hooves.

[stargazer-sims]

Christmas Eve

Caroline: 🎶 Rockin’ around the Christmas tree… 🎶

Victor: Miss Caroline, you are an excellent dancer.

Caroline: Thank you! I learned it all from Yuri.

Victor: Well, that must mean Yuri is an excellent teacher.

Caroline: Yup! You and Yuri both are. So is Uncle Leo, and also my teacher at school. Oh, and my riding instructor. She said I have, um… an affinity with horses. I think that means horses really like me.

Victor: Yes, that’s exactly what it means.

Caroline: Yay! That’s a good thing, ‘cause I really like horses too. Some day I’m going to have my own. You know, when I grow up and get a lot of money.

Victor: Oh? What kind of job are you going to do to earn a lot of money?

Caroline: I think a math teacher or a baker. Or maybe a superhero. Or maybe me and Forest could make books together like Yuri and Mr. Abbottsford. I could write the stories and Forest could draw the pictures.

Victor: You know what? I think you and Forest could do that before you grow up if you wanted to. It sounds like a lot of fun.

Caroline: Would we get famous?

Victor: Maybe.

Caroline: As famous as Santa?

Victor: I don’t think anyone else could be that famous.

Caroline: Hmm... probably not.

Victor: Do you think your friend Forest would like to be famous?

Caroline: I don't know. He's kinda shy. But, I want to be famous. I want people to see me and say, 'We know that girl. She's Caroline. She's super smart and awesome, and we love her!'

Victor: Can I be one of your fans?

Caroline: Yeah!

Victor: Okay! I know this girl. She's Caroline, and she's super smart and awesome, and I love her.

Caroline: *giggling* I love you, Victor. You're super smart and awesome too.

Victor: Thank you. Now, how about you tell me more about your future plans for fame on the way downstairs to bed?

Caroline: I don't want to go to bed. I'm not even tired.

Victor: If you don't want to sleep, that's okay. You can play quietly in your room until you're sleepy if you want, but no iPad, okay? And I need you to stay in your room unless you have to go to the bathroom.

Caroline: Or if there's an emergency?

Victor: If there's an emergency, Yuri or I will come and get you.

Caroline: Okay. Can you read me a story?

Victor: Sure, and I'll come down to check on you before I leave for work, to see if you're sleeping or not.

Caroline: You have to work tonight?

Victor: Yeah, but I'll be back in time for breakfast and presents.

Caroline: Promise?

Victor: I promise. You and Yuri can have some nice tea waiting for me when I get home, and then I'll cook you a fabulous Christmas breakfast. Then we can see what Santa brought for you. How does that sound?

Caroline: Good, but... Victor?

Victor: Yeah?

Caroline: Does Santa know how to find kids who are in the hospital at Christmas?

Victor: Of course he does. All of us nurses and the doctors and other staff decorate our unit with lots of holiday stuff, and we even have a Christmas tree in the family room. When Santa flies past the hospital and sees all the holiday lights, he stops and brings something special for everyone.

Caroline: And you're going to take care of all the kids who can't be home for Christmas, right?

Victor: Yes. I always do the very best I can to make sure everyone's as comfortable as possible. Don't worry.

Caroline: Good. You're the best ever.

Victor: *amused* Nope. Obviously not sleepy at all.

Victor: Okay, little one. Jump in bed and cover your head.

Caroline: 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight!

Victor: Right.

Victor: Do you still want a story?

Caroline: *mumbling* Not really.

Victor: Have a good rest, then. I'll see you in the morning.

Victor: I love you.

Victor: *to himself* I’m gonna be exhausted by tomorrow afternoon, but I’ve got a feeling it’ll be totally worth it. I think this is going to be the best Christmas ever.

[fix-me-sixteen]

I FINISHRD ONE OF US IS NEXT

If I'm being honest

I kind of liked the POVs better in this book over the first one

So glad Maeve is okay tho

I was getting SO worri3s the leukemia was back

Also TOTALLY clocked Emma being involved with the truth or dare game

Like.... 50 pages before the reveal

But u digress

Also had people staring at me today when I was freaking out about all of the information being revealed 😅

Ummm..... they already know I'm nerdy idk what they expected from me tbh

Also got SO freaked out when the bomb exploded

I swear I was gonna freak if Nate died after all that character development

Not on my watch

Also how come you decided to dnf the series

And when I finish the last book would you like me to summarize it so you can understand what happened in the end

hello . . . sorry for being late and i'm answering all these together. okay interesting that you liked the povs of oouin over oouil . . . i feel like the oouin characters are more palatable since half the oouin characters are cheating and such. personally i thought they were about the same

yeah! maeve being okay is good. wow that's super smart i did not clock emma . . . i am bad at clocking mystery books in general i think that's why i get a thrill out of them lmfao i can never clock the twist even though i know there is one

freaking out and people around you being like . . . you good, bro . . . is so lmfaoooo. personally i used to read a lot at school during like silent reading and stuff so i learned to control my reactions but it's like . . . yeah . . . what did you expect out of nerd like me anyway. huh

i did not care when the bomb exploded cuz i knew nate had main character plot armor. there's no way bro's gonna die after his whole "me and bronwyn are endgame" speech lmfao. so i was not worried and also i don't really like nate lmfaoooo . . . his thoughts about bronwyn are way too explicit and like. weirdly sexual for me. imo. entirely my opinion but i was like bro please knock it off . . . idk his whole playboy vibe continues into oouin and it does not sit well with me. for me personally entirely my opinion

okay the reason i dnf'd the series is actually because of jake. this is gonna sound real dumb but when jake came back i was like. you know what i am not in a mental place to watch the public fawn over jake and let him off the hook (i know this is the point of the story but i did not want to read it lmfaoooo). i would've pushed through if i liked the series more (a very similar thing happens in agggtm and i continued reading that because i loved the series) but with the way i just. did not care about most of the main characters and my hatred for nate and knox i was like. you know what maybe this is a bad idea lmfaoooo

okay i don't like knox because bro acts like such an incel he is always whining about how he doesn't get girls and it's like. shut up shut up shut up shut upppp idk i just found it annoying. but that's just me

if you're still willing to do it i would love a recap i know you finished because i stalled too long (sorry . . . i wanted to properly explain my thoughts on nate and knox . . . ) but i do wanna know what happens and what the twists are because i definitely think this author has a gift when it comes to writing plot twists and such. but i don't wanna deal with jake my mental health cannot take him being let out of prison when he's so obviously guilty right now lmfao it hits too close to many current events

glad you have unhealthy attachments to the characters you should tell me about them. for. science

[axe8472]

I have thoughts in my brain about six of crows and they may or may not make sense. So. The thing is when people talk about how the crows couldn't possibly be 16-18 because they're overly mature and competent and have life experience etc etc. i get that BUT is that not the whole point? I mean the books really hammer it home that notions of childhood in their world are entirely different from ours, like to the point where i would even say it's a main theme and kinda the driving force behind all the events in the duology.

Kids are taken away from their parent at like 11 to train as soldiers. Kaz was all alone in Ketterdam at 9 years old and there doesn't seem to have been any functioning system of care for kids like him, nor mandatory schooling. In Fjerda, it seems like the closest thing to foster care is being taken on by the Druskelle. Inej started training as an acrobat pretty much as soon as she could walk and was playing starring roles in performances by the time she was 14 (and probably a fair bit younger). I don't remember Jesper's backstory perfectly but I think he was put to work in the jurda fields (a hazardous agricultural job) as a small child, then worked with guns in some way, then got sent to school in a different country when he was like 15. This isn't exclusive to the crows - it's mentioned a lot that there are many kids in situations similar to Kaz and Inej in the Barrel. Even Joost, despite seemingly being quite sheltered, is working full time night shifts as a guard when he's not even old enough to grow facial hair.

It seems that there's just much more of a vocational focus for kids/teenagers in the grishaverse. This makes a lot of sense because many elements of culture across the grishaverse countries come from the ~1800s when the attitude towards kids was that they weren't all that different from small, inexperienced adults, especially in working-class and rural settings where you just had to get on with things. Kerch especially took inspiration from victorian England, where kids as young as 9 could legally work up to 60 hours a week in dangerous conditions. So yeah that's kind of the whole point imo. It's especially interesting because I read the soc duology as a (potentially semi-unintentional?) criticism of capitalism. This is highlighted by the fact that Wylan, the only one of the crows from a rich background, is also the only one who had a childhood and got an education even vaguely comparable to what we would consider normal. So clearly the whole childhood innocence vs being put to work at like 4 thing is closely tied to class. (obviously Wylan did not have A Good Childhood but it seems from the books that the standard for merchers' kids is to give them a really good and varied education with 1-to-1 tutoring etc, which is very different from what all the other characters seem to have had as kids.)

And okay yeah they're unrealistically skillful and competent and just generally smart, but that would be the case even if they were adults. Like you kinda have to just take liberties with your characters of they'll never manage to do anything, especially in a world that's so hostile toward them. And it's actually kinda hard to even say how unrealistic their capabilities are because their experiences are so different from the experiences of real-life modern teenagers. Like kids are crazy adaptable and good at learning things, especially when they've had no other choice, and the crows actually mostly have quite a lot of experience and had time to develop their respective skills because they haven't spent 8+ hours a day in school for most of their lives. The same goes for the degree of adult-ness in their general behaviour - they're really quick thinkers and less likely to panic in a crisis than any teenager I've ever met. Again I'd say that's the whole point. The charaters are acting older than they have any right to because the experiences they've had have forced them to develop the capacity to do so.

Idk maybe i just read it differently to some people but yeah i think that cross-cultrually throughout the grishaverse children just have very very different experiences to kids in real life. It makes sense that they would then grow up to be very different from real-life teenagers, and obviously the crows are an extreme example of that but there is like. clear historical inspiration behind a lot of the crows' backstories and the general cultural backdrop of the duology. And the whole thing with the books is yeah they're doing all of this stuff and they're capable of these amazing things but actually they are literally children and they are doing all of it mostly for the sake of survival and taking back the things that they deserve from the world. And everything they've done for years and the people that they've become has all been for the sake of survival. And they're kids.

[hphmmatthewluther]

Back By Midnight: Operation OBSERVATORY - Part 1/4

(A/N: And we're back! I know I've been on hiatus for....a while...but uni and stress is finally all behind me and I can spend this summer writing as much as possible! And so we're back with Back By Midnight! This chapter features @camillejeaneshphm 's wonderful oc Camille!)

Taglist of peeps who might be interested (lemme know if you want to be added or removed!): @akaisenhatake​ @camillejeaneshphm​ @catohphm​ @fangirl-screaming​ @rosachaotic​ @ag907​ @nikyiscreepy​ @oseathepebble​

Matthew Luther has been brought into the mysterious Midnight Foundation, but before he can become a fully-fledged agent he must prove himself in their training program. Determined to help solve the mysteries discovered previously, he must make new friends and overcome the obstacles set out before him if he wants to live up to his title of “Agent Moon”...

***

Dawn broke over the city of London, and Matthew was awake for it. He was sitting on a balcony overlooking an empty street, dressed in a loose-ish dark red shirt and dark blue denim jeans (Galileo had told him that it would be best to dress smart-casual for the first day). He was eating breakfast as he sat there, every few seconds turning to look at the suitcase just behind him. It was everything he’d apparently need for the next four months.

Finishing breakfast, he left the balcony and carried the bowl and the suitcase downstairs to the kitchen. Sitting there reading the paper was a man in his early fifties with short brown hair and a small beard along his chin. He turned to Matthew and smiled. Matthew tried to smile back, and not look at the headline which read “CENTRAL LONDON FIRE AND BREAK-IN: INVESTIGATIONS ONGOING”. Funny. He’d been the victim of one and the cause of the other.

“You all ready, then?” Peter Luther asked, putting the newspaper down. “You know, I’m really proud of you for doing this. Putting yourself out there, and getting some great experience, too.”

Matthew nodded, smiling in the same way he’d smiled at that Reflection employee two weeks ago. “Yeah, it’s great that they offer short courses like these at colleges. It’s not completely related to my degree, obviously, but there’s a lot more crossover than you’d expect.”

“Well, you’d be the expert in that.” Peter shrugged. It was a pretty good cover story, all things considered, but even someone like him, who’d left school at 16, could tell that going from biology to astronomy was something of a leap. “But I trust you, Matt, I want you to know that. Make sure you enjoy yourself up there, okay?”

“Course I will, yeah.” Matthew paused as he saw a car pull up outside. “Ah, there’s my friend I told you about. I should probably head off, don’t want to keep them waiting…”

Peter gave Matthew a brief hug and smiled at him. Matt said another quiet “bye” to his Dad and opened the door, taking a brief look at the pictures on the wall before leaving. Some had four people in them, but most had three. Blinking for a moment, he turned and walked out the door, closing it behind him. He went to get in the back of the car, before hearing the voice of the driver.

“In the front, Agent Moon, if that’s alright.” came the voice of Agent Terra, who was sitting in the driver’s seat. He looked in to see Agent Gaia sitting at the back, a laptop on her legs and a pile of folders in the middle seat that had toppled onto the third seat due to the movement of the car. “We’re meant to be working right now, but…we wanted to have a chat before you started training.”

Terra pressed a button and the boot door opened, allowing Matt to put his suitcase and rucksack in. Closing it back down, he walked over and got into the passenger seat, and had barely put his seatbelt on when the car,a decently expensive one from what Matthew could tell, started moving.

Gaia cleared her throat as they passed through the London streets. “See, Agent Galileo told us you were off today, and that she’d be sending Agent Eclipse to pick you up. And Terra wasn’t sure-”

“Hey, don’t pin all this on me, ok?” Terra said, rolling his eyes. “We both agreed that it’d be better if we were the ones to do it. Just to make sure…uhm…”

“That Atticus wouldn’t scare me off?” Matthew guessed. The two looked at each other before Terra refocused on the road.

“Something like that.” Agent Gaia said in a hushed voice, looking down at her laptop screen. “It’s weird knowing his name now, but honestly, it fits him. Galileo did tell us not to tell any other agents, though. Eclipse likes to keep his secrets, after all.”

Matthew thought about the years he’d known Atticus. They’d played together as kids whenever they were allowed over to see his mother’s side of the family. That visit where he’d told Matthew to go for the MI6 job was the last time he’d seen Atticus in years. “Yeah, I guess he does. I feel bad for having yelled it out, um, back at E- um, Agent Galileo’s office.”

“Don’t worry about it, you had no way of knowing.” Terra reassured him, taking another turning as the car snaked through the London suburbs. “If I’d seen one of my cousins working as a spy, I’d probably have the same reaction. Though probably best to switch to Eclipse while you’re training.”

Matthew nodded, looking out of the window as the buildings around them gradually became further spaced apart and shorter as they entered the Greater London area. The patchwork of suburbs that surrounded the city made for a nice view as the car sped through, the traffic minimal seeing as they had passed the morning rush hour. He noticed that Terra wasn’t following a satnav or a phone, and instead appeared to know the route from memory. Terra briefly looked back at Matthew and smiled, with Matthew smiling back, before turning his full attention to the road once more.

“You all healed up, by the way? Some of those bruises looked pretty nasty.” Terra asked, scratching his head as he took the car onto an A-Road. The expensive-ish houses around them gave way to the green and pleasant fields of the English countryside, minus the housing development site or two.

Matthew turned back around, having been counting how many fields of sheep he saw. “Oh yeah, uh, I’m more or less perfect. The stuff Agent Luna gave me cleared them up in no time.”

“Yeah, Luna’s the best.” Gaia smiled from the back seat, her quiet typing having not stopped since the journey began. “Or so I’ve heard. I’ve never really needed the Medical Team’s help, being a handler and all.”

Terra chuckled. “Nope, me neither.”

Gaia suddenly cleared her throat. “Well, actually-”

“Oh, for god’s sake-”

“I have a rather distinct memory of you burning your finger on the toaster in the break room-”

“It was a bad burn!” Terra hissed, rolling his eyes as the car came to a stop at a red light.. “It needed medical attention!”

“Yes, and Agent Luna was there to provide; her invaluable guidance of “stop screaming and run your hand under the tap” really saved the day, didn’t it?” Gaia snorted, clearly remembering the incident in vivid detail in her head. “At least she had the decency to say you were very brave and it wasn’t your fault the toaster was still warm.”

“You are totally misrepresenting things!-”

Matthew watched all of this with a bemused expression. “Um…light’s green, um…” he muttered.

“If you hadn’t denied it, I wouldn’t have had to explain!”

“I denied it because I knew you would explain!”

Matthew cleared his throat, albeit quietly. “Um, the light is-”

There was a loud honk from behind, and Terra hastily moved the car forward. Silence followed for a few seconds, before Matthew couldn’t help but laugh. Eventually, the twins followed.

“Sorry, Moon, didn’t mean to…” Terra paused, covering his mouth to hold in more laughter. “This is why we tend to stay back at HQ. At least there we can argue all we want without annoying anyone.”

Matthew simply smiled. “It’s not annoying to me, really. As long as you keep your eye on the road, you can argue all you like.”

Gaia sifted through the notes on the seat beside her. “Well, that’s very nice of you to say. And once you’re through training here, you’ll get to listen to us argue a lot more.”

“I look forward to it.” Matthew said, watching as the countryside scenery continued to roll on by. Eventually, he spoke up again. “So…I’m guessing you can’t say much about the training, right?”

Terra shrugged. “Well, they change it every time, since people can retake it and everything, but the basic principles are always the same. You know, physical ability, problem solving, teamwork, ability to deal with the stresses of the job, all that stuff.”

Matthew had assumed as much, but hearing it from someone else made it all feel a lot more real somehow. “I see…wonder if I’ll have to retake it…”

Terra and Gaia looked at each other briefly. “Are you joking?” Gaia chuckled, leaning forward to look at Matthew. “You’ve already got a successful mission under your belt, what do you have to worry about?”

“Yeah, but…” he trailed off, his smile fading. “A lot of that was down to you two.”

Terra sighed. “Look, we appreciate it, really. But you can’t sit there and say that some of that wasn’t because of your own skills, right?”

Matthew shrugged. “I…I guess? I dunno, sorry, um…” he stammered, wincing at himself. He tried not to think about what Bill would say if all of this was for nothing, or what Terra and Gaia would think of the person who took Bill’s title, or even what Eclipse would think. “I just don’t know if I can do it again.”

“Well…” Terra said, a small smile appearing on his face, “There’s only one way to find out.”

The car drove through a roundabout, off the A-Road, and past a hill with some trees on it before a vast compound came into view. There were half a dozen hills scattered across the area, each with its own domed building with a large telescope sticking out of it. Matthew watched as small shuttered hangars, large antennae, and smallish buildings that reminded him of university housing went by, until Terra stopped the car by the front entrance, a sign over the doors reading “Haverhill Observatory - Operated by The Midnight Foundation”.

“Alright, this is you.” Terra said, leaning back in his seat. “Gaia, his things?”

Gaia leant forward again and passed a document of some kind with a card paperclipped alongside it. Matthew took it and noted Agent Galileo’s signature on it, as well as a blue stamp with the Midnight Foundation’s logo on it. He got out of the car and held up the paper. Sure enough, the stamp matched the logo next to the double doors. He turned back around to grab his bags from the boot, before turning back to the twins.

“Thanks for this, I really appreciate it.” He looked down at the card quickly, and was surprised to see that it had the image from his MI6 file.

“No worries, Moon. We’ll see you on the other side, yeah?” Gaia said, waving to him with a smile.

Terra gave a wave and a nod too. “Good luck, mate. They won’t know what hit ‘em.” Both agents rolled up their windows, and the car rolled away. Matthew stood there for a second, took a breath, and turned towards the double doors. Entering, he saw that the architecture was quite similar to that of the London Headquarters, though much smaller and without the large carvings and sculptures, instead favouring detailed paintings of the solar system as well as several stars, presumably ones discovered here. 

Not wanting to be late, he stepped towards the desk. He would have said something (hopefully something coherent), but the receptionist interrupted before he could.

“Card and certificate, please.” He said, in a tone that suggested that he’d be spending most of today saying those four words. Matthew obliged, and watched as he stamped the certificate once more before putting it in a pile of certificates nearby. Matthew guessed that maybe 7 or 8  people had arrived here before him. That made him feel some amount of relief: he probably wasn’t late. Once the receptionist had scanned the card, he passed it back to Matthew.

“Oh, thank you-” he said quietly. The receptionist looked up in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected to be thanked, before continuing to type away on a computer.

“...You’re signed in…Agent. Would you like to be known as Matthew Luther for your time in training or choose another name?”

It was now Matthew’s turn to be surprised. He knew they’d have to take measures to make sure people didn’t know about just how he’d been recruited, but to take on a new name? He thought about it for a moment, about what he wanted his name to be associated with, and-

“Matthew Luther is fine, thank you.” He said, adjusting the collar of his shirt a little. The receptionist typed this into the computer. Another button pressed, and there was a click from the door to the left.

“Thank you, Mr Luther. If you’ll continue into the cloak room you can drop your luggage there. It will be brought to your room. Then, continue on until you reach the meeting room.”

Matthew nodded, and started on his way before pausing and turning back around. “Sorry, um, I don’t suppose there’s a map or something, is there?”

The receptionist’s face formed a smile, a sort of this is my favourite part of the job smile. “You should be able to find it. If not, a member of staff will come to collect you.”

Matthew clicked his tongue. “I see. Thanks again.” he said, turning back to the door, his brain registering the feeling that the training might have already begun.

The cloak room, at least, seemed fairly normal. He slotted his suitcase in the nearby rack, which seemed to operate like an airport baggage claim in reverse, with the baggage disappearing from view as the rack spun around. It now occurred to him that he had very little trust in this place, and found himself wondering what was and wasn’t a test. Needless to say, he decided to keep a hold of his rucksack just in case. Slinging it on his back, he opened the other door and left the cloakroom. He found himself walking through a thin, brown corridor with several framed signs on the wall. One read “DO NOT TRACK MUD INTO THE OBSERVATORY”, the next said “PLEASE DO NOT LITTER OR LEAVE BELONGINGS BEHIND”, and the final one read “BE CAREFUL - EQUIPMENT EASILY DISTURBED”.

Matthew could admit that he felt a little patronised by all this, but knew he had to balance this with the fact that somewhere in those signs was the guide to not failing at the first hurdle. Cautiously, very cautiously, he opened the door into the next room, though stood in the doorway without going right in. This room was wider than the last one, and a lot less brown too. The floor consisted of several metal squares, which looked similar to the material that escalators were made from. To his left and right, the walls were covered in pipes and venting, as white as the wall they covered. Finally, Matt looked up at the ceiling, which oddly enough reminded him of the ceiling of a classroom.

Surely not was Matthew’s first thought. He had been taught during his time at MI6 to disregard any and all cliches from spy movies, even the ones as subtle as using codes and ciphers. These days, all messaging was done in encrypted programs. But considering the Midnight Foundation already had a propensity for the use of gadgets, he realised he couldn’t be too careful. 

He took his rucksack off of his back, and pulled out one of the pens he’d packed. He wondered vaguely if the Foundation made pens that exploded as he tossed the pen into the room. The pen bounced off the square it hit perfectly, then the next one just the same, but it was when the pen landed in between two of the slits of the metal that Matthew realised what the problem was. Slowly, the square the pen had landed on started to tilt.

Matthew leant down to look at the square closest to him, or rather through it. He pulled out his phone and the light passed through, revealing a large pool of mud. This was a military survival course crammed into an observatory. He had to marvel at the ingenuity of it all, a smile forming on his face as he lent on the doorframe. He looked over to the pen that he’d dropped. Judging by the signs, he probably shouldn’t leave it there, and so very slowly he put his bag back on his back and tiptoed towards the square where it had ended up. 

Fortunately, he’d thrown the pen sideways more than he had forward, and so in only three or four squares he’d almost gotten to it. Already starting to slip, he reached for the pipes, and was surprised to find they were sturdy enough to hold his weight. Something occurred to him at that moment. He pulled himself further to the edge of the room, grabbing another pipe to do so, and hoisted his feet up to rest on the pipes too. They didn’t budge. Loosening a finger, he tapped on the pipes, and as he’d suspected, there was the thunk thunk of a decidedly un-hollow “pipe”.

A full smile on his face, he started manoeuvring across the wall of pipes, picking up his pen as he went along. From this angle, he could make out several muddy footprints across the other half of the room, presumably from people who tried to brute force it. For Matthew, it seemed the rules of hiking applied to this test: Leave no trace. It seemed incredibly fitting for spies too.

Across the room he went, tapping the pipes before putting his weight on them just to make sure the Foundation hadn’t put any decoys in to mess with anyone who’d found the solution. He came to the far wall, and looked over to the door. There were a few squares between him and the door, which by far had the most mud on them. It seemed the challenge of the room wasn’t over just yet. Something else had caught his notice as well. The footholds that seemed designed into the pipes had been going upward, so much so that Matthew’s brown hair was brushing against the ceiling. Unable to help himself, he stretched upward a little and felt the square in the ceiling move upward. He’d always wanted to do that whilst at school.

He shook his head as he focused his attention on the door, head still brushing against the ceiling. Did they want him to jump for it? He considered it and got ready to go for it, trying to get as high up the pipes as possible, before realising that there was no longer a ceiling overhead. He looked up, and a pair of hands was holding the square. There was a gasp, and the hands dropped it. Matthew didn’t have time to stop it hitting him square in the face, but at least was able to reach out to grab it before it fell onto the floor. He coughed and sputtered from the dust, before looking up at where the hands had come from. There was a light.

He was only able to stammer the word “H-Hey!” as he quickly clambered upward, having to breathe in a bit to get his long legs through. He placed down the ceiling part and breathed a sigh of relief as he hit solid ground. He really should have guessed that the ceiling at a state-of-the-art observatory shouldn’t have done that. The area above the room was dusty and small, the light Matthew had seen emanating from a crawl space in the wall. 

Matthew’s attention, however, was on who the pair of hands had belonged to. Here on the ceiling with him was a woman around his age, perhaps a year or two older. She was fat and had brown skin, with dark curly hair and bright green eyes that reminded Matthew of his own, though they were more of an olive shade compared to his. She also, somehow, seemed even more nervous than him.

“Um,” he began, still getting his feet in through the hole in the ceiling, “hello. Sorry, um-”

Before he could say anything else, the woman made a noise that Matthew could only describe as a “squeak”. “Oh! I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to let that hit you, I was just trying to slot it back in! They…took marks off from me for it last, um…” she trailed off, and before Matthew could say anything else she had fled through the crawlspace, her red trainers dropping away with the rest of her into the light. Matthew turned back to look at the ceiling square, rubbing his forehead where it had struck him. He slotted it back in place, the light from the room below disappearing. A few seconds later, he heard the sound of the door below opening, a single footstep, and a muddy splash. Matthew chuckled silently as he moved towards the crawlspace.

To his surprise, the crawlspace didn’t lead to the room on the other side of the door, but instead veered left, ending at an exit 30 metres or so away. Matthew watched as the woman from earlier appeared outside, squatting down to put the grate back over it. Gritting his teeth, Matthew continued onward, trying his best to move quickly, though this was difficult as a result of his height. He kept going, making sure to avoid a few bits of mud here and there before reaching the grate himself. He reached out and pushed it open, and hoisted himself out. He got up, caught his breath, stretched, and put the grate back in its place.

At this point he was half-expecting a bottle with a label reading Drink Me or something of the sort, but instead, the room was totally empty save for a single door, and a sign next to it reading MEETING ROOM ONE. Not wanting to take any chances, Matthew once again opened the door and remained in the doorframe. This time, however, he needn’t have worried; inside was a fairly standard lecture room, complete with blue leather seats. Matthew saw 4 other people in the room already, the woman from the ceiling among them, as well as a man in his late forties at the front of the room.

“Ah, welcome. Thank you for arriving so promptly.” He said, adjusting the glasses on his face as well as his neatly combed hair. “If you could take a seat, we shall wait for the others before we begin.”

Matthew sat down near the back of the room, trying not to be too close to anyone. He leant back, the realisation that he had made it through a military survival course unscathed. He’d followed the signs the very best he could, but he couldn’t help but look over to the woman who’d been up in the ceiling. He promised himself to thank her at the next chance he got, having realised that if not for her, his feet would likely be covered in mud and he’d probably not even have found the room. He still wasn’t convinced that he had what it took for all this.

Over the next half an hour, about a dozen or so others came into the room, with varying degrees of mud on their clothes. Once that happened, the man at the front pressed a button on the laptop he was standing in front of. Five minutes later, and the door opened once more. A man and a woman wearing security uniforms gestured into the room, and around ten more people filed in, none making eye contact, every single one with mud on them. Matthew figured that the door must not have led anywhere. With everyone assembled, the man in front cleared his throat.

“Thank you.” He said, nodding to the two security guards who turned and left the room. “Well, on behalf of the Midnight Foundation, I’d like to welcome you all to Haverhill Observatory, and of course, to your Basic Training. Over the next four months we will build up and test the skills needed to be one of our agents.”

“Now, a lot of you come from various governmental departments, military espionage groups, private military companies and intelligence organisations. An agent of ours scouted you for your talents, as well as an interest in astronomy, and you were asked to attend this four-month training course.”

Matthew took a moment to examine the room. There was a group near the front who he recognised as fellow agents of MI6. They didn’t seem to pay him much attention. He’d never exactly minded that, but Matthew was starting to wonder if that had been a mistake on his part.

The man continued. “My name is Agent Hubble, and I will be overseeing this first part of your training. Much of this first month or so will involve you getting used to the very basic duties an Agent has to follow, featuring a mix of spywork and astronomy. You’ll notice that for an agency like this one, we’re rather open amongst ourselves about the fact that we are, indeed, spies. We are secret agents. This is true above all other things, at all times. What that means for each of you may differ slightly, but it should nevertheless bring you to similar conclusions about what to prioritise when on missions.”

“Now, to begin. I’d like to ask you all to find someone to work with. We have surmised over several years of carrying this training out that cooperation is one of the skills least developed in our recruits, and so to correct this we have decided to create opportunities to use this skill from the very beginning of your time here.”

Matthew felt like his stomach was about to turn in on itself. He’d done so well up until this point, even if he’d needed a bit of help, and now it was all bound to collapse. He knew how this would go. He looked over at the group of recruits from MI6, and sure enough they were either pairing up with their friends from other groups or with each other. He felt an urge to just leave the room, but then he turned to see the woman from earlier. He recognised the exact same things he was feeling at once, from the stomach ache to the eyes looking around the room trying to decide what to do. He stood up, adjusting his rucksack, and crossed the room.

“Um, hello-” he began, in very much the same way he had when she’d dropped the ceiling on his head. “S-Sorry, I, um…I wanted to, um…”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, really, don’t let me take up your time-” she insisted, her french accent still as strong as before.

“Wait, um, that wasn’t…I actually wanted to thank you.”

The woman raised her eyebrow. “Really?”

“Well, I would have had to do the walk of shame otherwise, I imagine, so…yeah.” Matthew shrugged.

She blinked, unsure how exactly to respond. “Oh…well, it’s no problem, really. You should…probably find a partner, though…”

“Yeah, um…” he sighed, looking out over the lecture hall. “...I don’t exactly know anyone here. Would it, um…would it be ok if I worked with you? It’s totally ok if not, um…” he said, trailing off as he winced at himself. The others seemed to make it so easy, but then again a lot of them seemed to know each other.

Matthew would have dwelled more on his failure to network if not for hearing: “Really? You’d…want to work with me? I…I should probably tell you now, this isn’t my first time attempting to pass, I’ve…had to retry it several times now.” she admitted, looking away for a moment.

“I’m ok with that.” Matthew replied bluntly. He couldn’t explain it, but for some reason when he talked to her it didn’t feel like he was struggling to find ways to respond. That he could trust her to be patient with him.

“Oh…well, as long as you’re sure.” She said, gesturing for him to sit down. “I should probably introduce myself. My name’s Camille..”

Matthew sat down, allowing himself to smile as the stress faded from his body. “Nice to meet you, Camille. My name’s Matthew.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mathieu.” Camille said, smiling back in very much the same way. “If you enjoyed getting here, you should see what we’ve got to do to get our room keys.”

[ideasatemynights]

I headcanon that newt used to be self conscious about his weight but stopped caring after awhile

Oh yeah definitely, I 100% agree with that!! I've thought A Lot about Newt's relationship with his weight as someone who's fat irl and is also pretty similar to him in personality according to irl people I know, which definitely leads to the Projection. Some general sorts of headcanons about this (warning for internalized fatphobia, disordered eating, and just a fair amount of self hatred below. Also I wrote this in one big block in the middle of the night, so it's going to be kind of incoherent.):

☆Absolutely is someone who's always been naturally chubby/fat. He didn't really think anything of it when he was really little because he looks like his dad and uncle and they're so cool and he loves them so much!! He was always more focused on catching cool bugs and playing Godzilla with his dad and uncle anyway.

☆Once he got to be a little bit older in school, he definitely started feeling insecure. He already had a target painted on his back because he was too smart, too loud, too passionate, too rude, basically too ND for all the other kids and even the teachers (not helped by the fact that he was always ahead in school), so his classmates absolutely started picking on him for his weight and probably his height too. Because of all of that, he started feeling really bad about his body and wishing that he looked different.

☆This also intersects with my HCs about Newt being trans and his relationship with his mom. His mom was the only person in his family who was more thin and conventionally attractive and because he was AFAB, before he came out she basically just wanted to use him as a doll to parade around and show off on the rare occasions she actually saw him and because of that she tended to be critical of a lot of aspects of his appearance. There was a lot of her fussing over him and telling him that he should diet, grow his hair out, be more proper and less messy, dress more feminine, etc, which didn't help his self esteem. Once he came out as trans, she basically just stopped talking to him altogether.

☆There's also a lot of fatphobia in trans spaces, medical gatekeeping based on weight, belief that fat people can never be read as their correct gender, lack of gender affirming products for fat trans people, etc, which also doesn't help.

☆Once he started at MIT (probably around 15 based on canon info??), he was even more in the spotlight because he was known very publicly as a prodigy, was in a lot of news articles and stuff, won a lot of awards, etc, which added a whole other layer of scrutiny from the public to his appearance. He was also pretty isolated from same age peers because of it, so when he did get to socialize with them, his naturally poor social skills were even more atrophied because of it. Because of that, he was subjected to even more weight based bullying than he would have been otherwise, which did an additional number on his self esteem.

☆When Newt started writing with Hermann, he never would have admitted it, but he was kind of happy that Hermann couldn't see him. He had kind of reached a point where he assumed anyone would immediately write him off because of his appearance and particularly his weight and he was so happy to finally be able to make a friend who couldn't dismiss him based on the way he looked. He knew that Hermann could definitely find pics of him online, but he was hoping that the relationship he built through writing would cancel out the way he looked (obviously a super unhealthy thought process, but uhhh). The fact that the first healthy relationship Newt had ever had with a peer was also with a guy who didn't originally know what he looked like also unintentionally reinforced some bad body image stuff.

☆When Newt figured out he was falling in love with Hermann, he was even more terrified of Hermann learning what he looked like. Like he hadn't had a good track record with making friends or people affirming his appearance in the past, but he uhhhh especially hadn't had a good track record with romance. He had been rejected a lot and when someone had gone out with him, they were clearly using him for easy make out sessions and the sort, while not really caring for his personality or appearance in the slightest (and oftentimes making digs at them). Newt was certain Hermann wouldn't do that, but he was still convinced that the only way someone could like him was despite his weight and he was terrified that Hermann wouldn't like him enough for his personality to cancel out the difference (once again, not true and definitely unhealthy, but he's having a real bad time).

☆So they finally meet in person and it goes poorly. It had nothing to do with Newt's appearance and logically he knows that, but there's still some small deeply unkind part of him that's convinced that Hermann took one look at him and decided he was too fat and ugly to even consider staying in contact with, much less dating.

☆(In actuality, Hermann took one look at him and instantly thought that he was the most attractive man he had ever seen in his life. He desperately wanted to press Newt up against the wall and grab his love handles and kiss every inch of his mouth and face and neck and chest he could get his hands on. Being Hermann, he was deeply mortified by having such lewd thoughts about a colleague, especially one so obviously attractive to him, which definitely contributed to them both being incredibly awkward and off their game while meeting.)

☆By this point, I think Newt's in a really bad place mentally with his body and his relationship with his weight, so I think he ends up in a depressive episode for a while. This has the side effect of killing his appetite and so he ends up losing some weight which is really not physically healthy for him, but he feels a sick sort of pleasure in anyway. When he meets back up with Hermann when they're both stationed in HK, Hermann is still fucking pissed at him (just as Newt is likewise), but he's also legitimately worried about Newt because he doesn't look well by the standards of his body. Hermann ends up eventually asking about it, which only pisses Newt off and honestly brings up a fuckton of trauma for him and also causes Newt to believe that Hermann really is disgusted with him and his body.

☆As the war rages on and rations get tighter and they start working longer and longer hours, Newt loses even more weight which once again causes a sick sort of pleasure in him, despite logically knowing as a biologist that this is in fact very very bad for him and his body. He never intentionally tries to restrict food or lose weight, but he can't help feeling some pleasure at being so much more thin than he's used to. By the time the movie starts, he looks like he actually does in it, where he's soft around the edges, but not fat anymore. Hermann doesn't bring it up both because it's the result of the last days of war and because last time Newt got very upset, but he watches from the sidelines and is very worried about him.

☆When Newt drifts with Hermann, there's a lot of surprise on Newt's end that not only does Hermann like him and not only is Hermann actually in love with, but Hermann actually likes his body in its natural form when it's treated well. In fact, Newt is kind of stunned at how attracted Hermann was to him at their first meeting and the fact that while Hermann would be attracted to him at any weight, Hermann definitely distinctly prefers him fat and healthy and happy. This also causes Newt to realize that Hermann was legitimately concerned about him when he asked about his eating habits, etc, and that maybe the way Hermann treats him is the way he should have been treated all along.

☆Now this obviously doesn't fix everything in one go because a lifetime of trauma doesn't just go away overnight, but going to mandated therapy post war helps, along with a healthy relationship with Hermann, more time to relax, the ending of rationing and the entire world recovering, etc. He eventually gains all of his original weight back and then some and Hermann is so fucking in love with his incredibly handsome sexy fat husband and his wonderful mind and personality. Like don't get me wrong, they're still complete bitches to one another, but they adore each other and work through their insecurities together and it's wonderful.

Once again, I'm writing this at 3 am, so I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Also forgive me for the huge block of text, you unlocked A Thing I Go Insane About.

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hi, Sadist, I love your artworks and stories so much, as an aspiring writer. I was wondering what you thought of Fyodor's death during the last season 5 episode of bsd, because I felt that all this time he was shown to be sooo intelligent, and then he got fooled way too easily by skk's fake vamp trick (i'm dying), the plot of bsd is confusing me :') AM I alone here??

First of all, you've come to the right place. If you didn't see my other most recent ask, I'm a BSD s4-5 hater, and an Asagiri hater as a whole, really, after seeing the kind of shit he's pulled.

Second of all, let's get something straight here: FYODOR IS NOT DEAD. You can't EVER tell me that 1) a BSD character of importance has actually died for real and 2) his dead body was not even shown on screen and Dazai said "HE'S DEFINITELY DEAD" HAHAHAHA. LAUGHABLE. ATROCIOUS. He's obviously gonna come back minus one arm. Asagiri doesn't care about logic or good storytelling, anymore. It won't matter that a helicopter literally BLEW UP WITH HIM IN IT, Asagiri will be like "um akshually" and then the worst possible plot convenience explanation ever, just like EVERYTHING IN THE NEWEST SEASONS HAS BEEN SO FAR.

Like please. I'm SUCH a hater right now. I don't ever want to see more BSD content. I'm done. Wrap it up. The vampires were enough. I didn't need fucking CHUUYA PRETENDING TO BE ONE AND MAKING THE AUDIENCE JUST BELIEVE THAT FYODOR WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO THINK HE ACTUALLY WAS A VAMPIRE?? HELLO? Smart person, who??? Also tell me how he simulated the red eyes, Asagiri. Hm? How'd he pull that off?

Bullshit.

Fyodor and Dazai came off as intelligent in their first few appearances together. Fyodor's BANGER scene with Ace? I'll never get over it. I LOVED that. Was it a BIT of a stretch in a lot of areas? Yeah! BSD has always been that way. But it absolutely lost its course and any sort of grounding in reality or good storytelling when it came to S4-5. All of the "'''''''intelligent'''''''''' characters are now just plot convenience masters. It's absolutely ridiculous. We went from high school level reading to kindergarten shit.

And I never thought I could be made to HATE Dazai. But these new seasons turned up the "oo I'm so quirky" dial on his character so hard that I completely disconnected with him and Fyodor and couldn't stand whatever scenes we got with them together. The whole prison break scene was devastating, too. What EVEN.

Coming from a writer's perspective, this is just the LAZIEST plot I have ever seen in an anime. Asagiri spent NO amount of effort deciding how to make characters work to get themselves out of whatever pits they fell into. He just went "oh and then this other guy swooped in and fixed it! Easy peasy! I'll beat up Kenji again! And then I'll give him this VERY IMPORTANT rage form suddenly that was NEVER explored and NEVER mentioned until just now! For like two minutes so he can "beat" this guy in a fight and then let him go because NOBODY DIES EVER!"

I seriously can't. I knew Dazai wouldn't die but all the fan theories of how Dazai wouldn't die were better than what actually happened. It's almost amazing the amount of non-effort that went into these season arcs.

After finishing them, I now hate Gogol, Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya (more than before), Atsushi, Fukuchi, Ranpo (though I've never once had a positive thought about him) and basically everybody--except Akutagawa was okay, Sigma, Jouno, and Tetchou had potential, and Bram was very cute. They ruined everyone else so badly that it felt like OOC versions of them. Or did next to nothing with them, like Jouno and Tetchou. ESPECIALLY DAZAI. I will be malding over Dazai for FOREVER now. Why the hell did they turn him up to 100 on the most annoying parts of his personality???

In conclusion, not a single thing went right in those episodes, it was all "oh this could be go-- [GETS RUINED]" over and over again. There was a SINGLE episode that made me happy in S4 and it was that one where Gogol was introduced and he yanked on Atsushi's leg and stuff and that was IT. LMFAO.

Okay I have to cut myself off or I'll go on for hours. THANKS FOR ASKING ME ABOUT IT, IT WAS ALL BOTTLED UP IN ME.

And more importantly, thank you SO much for the compliments on my work!! I'm so happy you like my stuff, and I hope you take writing lessons from Asagiri on all the things you should NEVER do in a story if you want it to be worth anything!!!!

[silverhallow]

🎭Fortunes Fool🎭

Chapter 1: "Did my heart love till now? Foreswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

⭐️Masterlist⭐️

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Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Sophie Beckett

Chapter summary: Romeo and Juliet’s first kiss changes a lot of things…

Warnings: none just some snogging

Word count: 3330

Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Kate Sharma and Sophie Beckett, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper. But he couldn't remember a single time when the two of them were not together.

If either of them had been in the least bit plain, they would have drawn snide comments from other school children about their sexuality, there was no doubt it and they would have perhaps even earned nicknames suggesting that their closeness went beyond mere friendship.

But they were far from plain – Kate was stunningly beautiful with her long dark hair and big brown eyes, a few sweet freckles on her perfect face; Sophie with her long mousy hair, a little more demure than her friend but just as attractive. As a result – and the fact that their parents lived on the wealthy side of town - the two girls were the centre of the popular group in school, dating the guys on the sports teams, but they always went on double dates, and always had someone to open doors for them. Where one girl went, the other surely followed.

Benedict had watched them grow up, turning into stunning young women, and naturally he had daydreamed about being with them… well Sophie really. Benedict wasn't a sports boy, though. He wasn't part of the smart crowd like his twin brother, he was arty. And although his parents were rich enough for them to attend the prestigious St James’ Academy, they couldn’t really afford designer outfits like the rest of the school, given they had 8 kids. He wouldn't have said he was particularly ugly. He was just in that grey middle ground where most kids hang out in school, under the sign that reads "nothing special". He blended into the background and it was just the way he liked it.

Things changed when he scored the lead in the school play in that final year before he was going to go to Oxford University.

The surprise wasn't so much that he got the lead - Romeo, the star-crossed Montague of Verona – he had had some major parts in school plays before and had diligently worked at his acting through his years at school.

The surprise was that Sophie Beckett won the part of Juliet – it was a bit surprising she'd auditioned at all. Kate had auditioned too, but she didn't cut the mustard as an actress. The only explanation for their taking interest in the school play was that it was getting towards the end of their A-Levels, and they were obviously concerned about having something on their CV and Uni applications in the 'interests' section.

"What d'you mean it's no big deal?" Anthony's eyes were about as wide as the saucers when Benedict told him who was to be his Juliet.

Benedict shrugged, "It's just the school play."

"Yeah, you idiot, don't you see? You get to make out with Sophie Beckett, the girl you’ve been drooling after for years! Have you ever seen the movie?”

Anthony was his twin brother, older than he was by all of 5 minutes but he was a brain box with your classic nerdy glasses, he had girlfriends in the past but most people couldn’t see past the glass and his intelligence, but Anthony was a secret lothario but mostly with the girls at another school.

They were walking towards the first read through – Anthony was the only other person Benedict knew to have been given a part, in this case the Friar, which was almost good casting. He had no idea why Anthony hadn’t gotten Romeo but it felt more appropriate for his brother to get that role than him but he wasn’t going to argue with the teacher.

Benedict dismissed his brother’s drooling comment, he said: "I only get to kiss her once, and it's not like we're going to practise. And – it'll all be on stage, in front of everyone. Including her boyfriend."

Anthony laughed, "You should slip her some tongue. Especially if that ape John is watching."

The girls were just a mystery to Benedict: he was eighteen and had never been close to one before. They looked so beautiful, they smelled so sweet, their laughter was music to the soul and their smiles could melt his heart in a moment. But he was always sure he wasn't good enough for them. Especially ones as beautiful and aloof as Sophie. He wasn't a sports star, after all, and apart from the folks that returned again and again to perform in school plays, he wouldn't have said anyone considered him popular.

So it was quite strange to find himself kissing her – even if it was just for the play.

For a while, they just read through the lines. There were long, gruelling practices and even longer, more gruelling hours of line-learning. Benedict had always been pretty good at learning his lines, but it was still the hardest part of a major production. Then, at last, they hit the stage and began to work on the actual performance.

After a couple of weeks, Benedict found to his surprise that he was quite comfortable around Sophie. She was beautiful, she was one of what he assumed was the unapproachable clique, but because of their close involvement in the play, he found he could forget about her beauty and previous aloofness, and just see her as another performer.

They were just two performers putting on a show, and though Kate came to watch every rehearsal, after a few practices, Sophie seemed to lose that sheen of cliquey aloofness and for the hour or two of each session, seemed almost to join with the performers' own loose-knit group and Benedict really enjoyed chatting to her. She was intelligent and her laugh made his insides squirm.

Then things stepped up a gear. They were practising the scene in which Romeo and Juliet kissed for the first time. The play director, Mr Granville, took them through it, showing them where they should be on stage, how the characters would be thinking, acting, and so on. He didn't seem fussed that his two lead performers would have to kiss.

They took it from the top, running through the scene with Benedict professing his love for Sophie – his mind completely on the lines, putting himself right in the shoes of Romeo himself. Then they came to the kiss and they both stopped, not really thinking that they'd actually have to kiss.

"Hey, why have you stopped?" Mr Granville yelled. "Keep going! Benedict, kiss her for God's sake. You two are supposed to be lovers!"

The two of them paused for a moment as it sank in. Benedict looked at Sophie, beautiful Sophie, and a burning ache erupted inside his chest. Kiss her . He noticed a look of complete uncertainty pass over her pretty face as she looked at him. There was a snigger or two from some of the other performers as they watched. Including the dickhead that was his brother…

"Come on, let's go back to the previous page and take it from there," Mr Granville said. "And don't stop this time, imagine you are actually in love with each other."

They went back a page and Benedict tried to imagine he was Romeo, not Benedict, and that she was Juliet, not Sophie. Like jumping into a pool of ice cold water, he decided the best way to approach it was dive straight in, get the shock over quickly and move on.

He leaned into her, imagining they were in love, he looked into her beautiful green eyes and his lips touched against hers briefly. Her skin was so soft, so sweet, he could smell her delicate perfume, even if it was only for a moment. Then they continued with the next line.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Mr Granville broke in. "What was that? Have you two never kissed anybody before, or what? Come on, you're not supposed to be brother and sister, guys! Make me believe you're in love. This is all about believability. If the audience doesn't believe you're in love, they're not gonna care a dime when it comes to the tragedy at the end of the show."

They went back a page again, and this time when the kiss approached, Benedict tried to forget he was Benedict and she was Sophie. He tried to imagine he was someone that she would want to date and Sophie was his girlfriend. He leaned into her and really kissed her, tenderly, gently, tasting her lips and breathing in her sweet scent. And she kissed back, closing her eyes and moaning softly as he ran his fingers through her silky hair.

It seemed to go on forever, the most amazing kiss he'd ever had, stirring the warmth of arousal throughout his body. Her hand slipped around to the back of his head, pressing him to her, keeping the kiss going beyond what seemed necessary.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Mr Granville said as they broke apart at last. "On with the show!"

Benedict noticed that there were no sniggers now, the other kids in the hall were silent. Looking into Sophie's beautiful eyes now, he saw a look of what could only be surprise, shock even. She seemed to be slightly flushed after the kiss, and she was looking completely astounded at him standing there in front of her. After a brief moment, she blushed and then quickly went on with her next line, putting the kiss behind her.

At the end of the rehearsal when Mr Granville called time, Sophie hurried from the stage, leaving Benedict to stand there scratching his head. And just before she hugged her friend and led her out of the hall, Kate Sharma flashed a strange glare at Benedict, as though warning him away from her friend.

"What was it like, what was it like?" Anthony demanded, as Benedict stood watching Sophie and Kate walking away.

"Incredible," he replied, his voice seeming far away.

"Damn, you two were really going at it – I can't believe she let you do that!"

"No," Benedict said. "I can't believe it, either."

The next day, Kate came up to him just before rehearsal got going, and she did not look happy.

"I don't know what you've done to dupe her into liking you," she said with pure venom in her voice, "but you'd better undo it fast, jerk, or you'll be sorry."

"Wh-what?" he stood there a little dazed, not quite knowing what she meant.

"Soph. If you don't back off, I'll tell John, and he'll beat you into a pulp. She’s been hurt enough! She doesn’t need you messing with her head!"

But Benedict wasn't concerned about the threat of John, and in his daze he didn't even worry about Kate's ferocious anger. His head was in the clouds, mulling over her first words to him there: I don't know what you've done to dupe her into liking you...

"What d'you mean she likes me?" he said, his insides burning with an intense mixture of excitement and uncertainty.

"God, ever since that kiss she's gone all gooey! God! Y ou geeks are so… urgh, typical geeks!” Kate said frustrated before storming off to where Sophie sat learning her lines.

Was this all part of some cynical ploy to humiliate him? Setting him up for a fall? Benedict looked over to where Sophie sat, seeing her with a new-found interest. So incredibly beautiful – how could she like him? It was ludicrous.

Up on stage, Mr Granville was getting everyone arranged for the opening scene. Benedict walked to the front of the auditorium, to sit next to Anthony on the front row on the opposite side to Kate and Sophie. Kate noticed him looking their way and flashed him an angry glare.

But then Sophie turned and saw him, and gave him a warm, pretty smile.

Damn.

Of course Benedict smiled back, but he turned away from her quickly as he felt the blush spreading across his face. His heart was pounding inside his chest, and he even found he was slightly breathless. But how could she like him? Maybe it was just a friend thing. Maybe Sophie had told Kate she thought Benedict was okay, not such a bad guy, not the "geek" the popular kids assumed that everyone outside their clique was.

But it was that word "gooey" that Kate had said that caused Benedict to burn inside: that surely meant something.

Then he was up on stage, and though Sophie was sometimes up there with him, with the lines flying thick and fast he had no opportunity to stop and think. But with Mr Granville aiming to put most of this early work into the more tricky and important scenes, they soon came to the kissing scene once again.

As Mr Granville got them going, Sophie looked at Benedict, and he thought he detected some fire in her green eyes. She grinned impishly, and he was forced to return the expression, without knowing why she was suddenly being nice to him.

And when the moment came, he was rather surprised to find that it was Sophie that leaned forward to kiss him this time, becoming the instigator of the move rather than the reluctant ice maiden.

She kissed him, and fireworks were going off all over the place. It was so incredible, so powerful, the softness of her lips, the sweet scent that filled his lungs, the warmth of her touch and the sweetness of it all. He never wanted it to end, it was the most incredible experience, his body was completely on fire, his cock hard as stone as they kissed so tenderly.

"Okay guys," Mr Granville said, "that's enough – we're not staging Nine and a Half Weeks here."

She broke apart from him, and as the two of them continued with their lines, he saw genuine delight in her face – she couldn't be that good an actress, surely. Not in her first major production.

Then the scene came to a close, and Mr Granville decided to go back to a scene with Benvolio, in which neither Romeo nor Juliet were present. Benedict wasn't involved and neither was Sophie, but as he walked off-stage to his surprise she accompanied him, and said furtively: "Where did you learn to kiss like that?"

A shot of heat shot through his heart. He gulped, and said: "Uh... well..."

"You're a really good kisser," she said, all warm smiles and so heart-stoppingly beautiful. "I'm sure stage kisses aren't usually like that."

And then Kate was there, taking Sophie away from him without even acknowledging his presence or existence. Figured…

Benedict's preconceptions about Sophie had been rocked – as much by her change in attitude towards him as by her kiss. The aloof picture formed over his school years had begun to tumble down, and goodness how he wanted it to. He wanted to be with her, breathing her in, kissing her and not stopping for anyone.

But was it really possible?

Lying awake at night, he thought about her pretty smile, and his cock was like a pillar of rock – so much so that he found it very difficult to get to sleep. The feelings running through him were so strong – wonder at the experience of kissing her, surprise at what she had said, bewilderment and a little dread at the attack from Kate Sharma. His biggest feeling was hope, hope that he could kiss her again like that, hope that it was more than just a stage kiss, more than just acting.

But the trouble was, the only time he could get alone with her – or at least, away from Kate – was up on stage, right in front of everyone. Otherwise, Sophie and Kate were inseparable.

All through school the next day, Benedict acted as though nothing was going on. He acted as usual in class, talking to his friends, his brother Anthony, the others, smiling and chatting as though everything was as it had always been. Anthony questioned him about his Juliet, but Benedict brushed it off easily.

His calm was put on. Under the surface, a million butterflies of pure uncertainty were fluttering around his insides. He couldn't stop thinking about Sophie, he really could not stop thinking about that last kiss, and he could not wait for that evening's rehearsal, to see her again, to kiss her again.

Yet when the time came, Benedict's hopes were dealt a crushing blow: Mr Granville said they'd nailed the more intimate scenes, where Romeo and Juliet kiss. They would spend the rest of the time until the dress rehearsals on some other scenes. There would be no more kissing of Sophie until the actual staging of the production.

He hid his disappointment well, but secretly he was mourning that he would have no excuse to get close to Sophie. And that idiot John was in the audience for this rehearsal, too – sitting next to Kate and her boyfriend as though he were a chaperone. He wondered if Kate had requested his presence or if he was feeling insecure about someone else kissing his girlfriend.

Still, she was still there, just the sight of her seemed to make his heart beat faster. Stunning. And when she looked at him, she smiled as though he was an old friend rather than someone she considered a "geek", as Kate apparently did.

He managed to put aside his feelings of disappointment and roll on with his scenes, and thankfully he forgot about it all. The play was going pretty well – Anthony was a surprise hit as the Friar – while his death scenes with Sophie were really quite moving.

So it was something of a surprise when she came up to him at the end and said quietly: "Would you mind doing some extra practice with me some time?"

"Extra practice?" he didn't quite get what she meant, mainly because it was so unexpected.

"Yeah, I mean... if you want to." She was toying with a strand of her mousy hair, was she nervous? How could Sophie Beckett be nervous? With the pause growing awkward, she said: "I mean we could run over some of the scenes a little more – so we're more confident. Mr Granville said it would be a good idea to do some practice out of hours."

"He did?"

"Yeah," she smiled warmly. "He said there wasn't enough time for everyone to get together often enough to really get good enough."

Benedict saw Kate and John stand up, heading slowly towards the steps up to the stage. There was little time left. And funnily enough, he noticed that Sophie also reacted to them approaching, as though she had similar feelings with her best friend and boyfriend on the way over.

"Uh... so how about it?" she said almost under her breath, pressing him to answer before Kate came over.

"Uh yeah..." he said, not believing that she wanted to spend more time with him. His heart was turning in cartwheels, "absolutely."

"Great!" she smiled cheerfully, the most beautiful picture ever. She slipped a small piece of paper in his hand and said: "Why don't you come over to my house at about eight?"

"Sure," he said, his voice drying up from this surprising development.

She smiled again, then as Kate and John and Kate's boyfriend Tom came up behind them, she put a finger to her lips to furtively urge him to keep quiet about their extra practices.

"You were great!" Kate said, putting an arm around her friend before almost physically forcing her to turn her back on Benedict and walk away, leaving him standing there with a powerful hope burning sensation in his chest, as he couldn’t help but notice the cold glance and shove away she gave John.

[the-invisible-queer]

I know that the doylist reason that Kevin L Joe L and Nick L seem to have no friends besides Stella, Macy, and that one guy who showed up for one episode (and was confirmed to be a Joe friend only that everyone else had to put up with) is for cast size reasons, but the watsonian theory that the Lucas bros…actually don’t seem to have any friends? is a bummer.

So! What kind of a friend do you think they be? What (platonicly) attracts them to a person? They obviously love their siblings, but the personality traits of a sibling are not always what you seek in a friend. Are they the type to have a few close friends, or a large group? Are they the “shared activities” type or the “parallel play” type? Do they need to be the friend group boss, or does someone else take that role? How good are they at texting back?

I always read them as not having many friends because of their lives. Like yeah they go to a "normal" school but they're still famous musicians who constantly have fans outside their home night or day. So people won't really want to come over and Big Man isn't big on letting them go to random homes.

Also as someone who's never had many friends I believe in quality over quanitity. Especially with them.

The three older Lucas boys are so different - and I'm focusing on them because I bet Frankie is a catch with a bunch of friends.

Kevin likes people he can be himself with. He's weird and gets enough teasing from his brothers so he's going to be looking for someone that matches that energy.

Joe who is always on level 100 wants someone who can match his energy but is actually responsible so he doesn't have to be. I think that's why him and Stella work so perfectly platonically.

Nick wants someone who is smart but a lot of fun. Someone that he doesn't have to be responsible for and will let him cut loose.

I do see them more with a few close friends and not a large group because no doubt they've had their share of people just wanting them for the perks of being famous.

Kevin and Nick seem like they'd be content with parallel play sometimes.

Joe being Joe needs to go out and do something. The only people he can parallel play with is Stella and his brothers but that's because of years built on trust and love. But if they plan a day in he will complain no less than 3 times.

Nick is squad dad 100%. He's always the designated driver when they go out. He's always the one making sure everyone is okay and alive. Sends the first text in the morning when he drops off a drunk Joe to make sure he's alive.

AS FAR AS TEXTING BACK

Kev is pretty good if he's not busy but he knows if he gets rid of the notif he'll forget so he could have a text notif on his phone up to a week before he responds.

Joe is hopeless. Man doesn't like the notifs or red buttons. He claims he'll respond but out of sight out of mind. If you don't get an immediate response from Joe you know you'll have to send a second text in a few hours to remind him. Or else you will never get a response.

Nick ALWAYS texts back immediately. If he's busy he's got a list of who he needs to get back to because he's organized. If Nick doesn't text you back in more than 24hrs you should go make sure he's still breathing.

[theroguescientist]

Alright, let's do this!

What I knew about this show going in:

-historical fiction... sort of

-Poland... sort of?

-heliocentrism as a major plot point

-some of the character designs, because fanart shows up occasionally on my dash

What you need to know about me:

-I grew up in Poland and was taught a lot of the relevant history in school (look, I'm not saying I was actually good at history; I think I learned more history from books and wikipedia articles I read later than I did from school, but whatever)

-I am a researcher in a stem field (I wasn't actually a great student in university, but then I proved my first theorem and sort of stumbeld ass-backwards into academia :P)

Polish scientist ponders the Orb watches Orb: Episode 1

Most historical fiction seems to exist on a spectrum of "fictional people in the real world" to "dead guys RPF". Orb is a bit of a Secret Third Thing. The Kingdom of P. is clearly based on Poland, but doesn't even pretend to be a 100% accurate historical setting. There's a bit of a "generic medieval fantasy world, minus the fantasy" vibe, tbh. The kingdom even seems to be ruled entirely by a scary church, with no mention of any king or government. Then there's that map of the world,

It looks so different (ecpecially Europe. If this is how the characters in the story, who live in Europe, picture the world, you'd expect that to be the most accurate part of the map), I almost wouldn't be surprised if it eventually turned out, in a shocking twist, that this alternate Earth is actually the center of its universe, which is not, in fact, the same as our universe. But then they namedrop Aristarchus*. An actual guy who actually existed in the real world (Some 1700 years earlier. Did people in 15th century Europe even know about him?). So, yeah. It's set in the real world, but it isn't, but it is. Interesting. Some kind of alternate history, maybe? We'll see.

An now for the characters. Like any good first episode, this one introduces a few of what I assume will be the main characters. And it does it pretty well.

First is our boy, Rafał. A very intelligent boy (maybe not quite as smart as he thinks he is, but very smart nonetheless) who is pretty damn cynical for someone his age. He says he's too rational for emotions. But, of course, he's too intelligent not to be curious. No matter what he says and how he tries to appear to others, he's got his passions, and he won't miss an opportunity to learn more about the things that interest him. And, of course, Hubert figures it out instantly. The kid says he's giving up astronomy, but he still carries his astrolabe around!

Other characters I expect to play an important role are Hubert and the torturer guy. So Hubert has already figured it out (I kinda think a story about figuring it out might have been even more interesting, but let's see where they're going with this), but obviously can't just present his findings to the world without a lot of evidence (Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof, and in the 15th century this is an extraordinary claim. Also, there's the whole heresy thing**) so he needs to continue his research. Also, he notices things. Rafał's facade seems to fool most people, but this guy just stares at him until it cracks. He notices things about him that the audience didn't see. And he says his eyes are not as good as they used to be. Dude. Did you use to have x-ray vision or something?

As for the torturer, we don't know a lot about him yet, but I expect him to be an interesting antagonist. Maybe a bit of a foil to Rafał? He also seems like a "rational" guy who chose his path in life based on what will keep him safe and comfortable. Hm...

A few random thoughts about the episode:

-Why does the explanation about Earth as the lowest point of the universe remind me of the rubber sheet analogy for gravity? Idk, it's funny to me. Like, you're so close, yet so far off.

-The kid who talks about love in the classroom scene is named Kochański. This is a pun. In Polish. I don't know how much of the language the author knows, but apparently enough to pun.

-Damn, that night sky just might be worth risking your life for. Especially if you're into astronomy, but also, as a modern day city-dweller, I'm just not used to seeing that many stars.

Anyway, something this show does really well, in my opinion, is the thrill of discovery. The feeling of figuring out something most people don't know. It does things to your mind. I don't know if I'd still be researching the same topics that I do if it was forbidden, but I can confirm that it does things to your mind.

*Aristarchus of Samos, Greek mathematician and astronomer, first known person to write about a heliocentric model of the Solar System. To the best of my knowledge, nobody actually tried to suppress his theories in his time. He just wasn't as popular as Aristotle and Ptolemy.

** In the real world very few people were arrested just for claiming the Earth revolves around the Sun. And Poland specifically, iirc, enjoyed more religious freedom at the time than most of Europe. Just a fun little fact.

Watched an episode of Orb: on the movements of the Earth. As a Polish scholar, I am tempted to make a post for every episode I watch, as a sort of low-effort live reaction type thing. I have thoughts about the history and the science and the research that someone clearly made and the liberties taken, but it's the middle of the night, so I'll just say this: