#like woman if you want me to be vegan (which i wont be) then do it right 😒

[carmen-sandal-eggos]

Didn't expect to see gordon bamsey eat a burger in a duet with thatveganteacher but im glad he did

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

[missjackil]

My 15x14 Opinion

Last Holiday

Hey guys!! My Chuck! It’s been so long I almost forgot I do this! I missed these guys so so so so much, it’s great to have them back, but it’s awful knowing there’s only 6 episodes left 😭 

I really liked this episode, for the most part, and I’ll get to that part that I didn’t like in a moment. Now without further adu, let’s begin.

I was immediately amuzed with Dean’s Scooby boxers! I mean, c’mon, we all were right? Now we meet Mrs Butters. Right away, I couldnt decide if she was good or sketchy, and I sure that was the point, but I knew she was legit when talking about her family, the MOL, “My boys” she called them, and well, that tugged at my heart strings, because Sam and Dean will always be my boys. 

Coming to the bitter end of the series, we get a brand new classic scene. Dean in the sleeping gown, fashioned exactly like the one he wore in Skooby, complete with night cap, so excited for Sam to try it, that he forgets he’s naked undernearth and Sam gets an eye full.... twice LOL wtf was that about Sam? Needed to check a second time to make sure it was actually Dean’s dick you saw? (I see you 😉) 

I love the moment Mrs Butters took with Sam to take a breath, smile, and enjoy the world he fights for. I for one have wanted him, and Dean as well, just to enjoy themselves for a bit and Im so glad they got the chance. 

The montage through the Holidays was priceless, I knew I needed this, but didnt know how much I actually needed this! Seeing my boys smiling and laughing, eating and carving Pumpkins, just flooded my heart!! Oh and Sam got a nice chunk of ham so I guess he’s not a vegan LOL. How great was it to see Sam in his birthday crown? He was mildly embaressed but smiling, it was precious! Now I can keep the memory of him celebrating his birthday with his family and not that “Amelia” flashback *gag*

I love to see Dean all happy and childlike. The busts on his age were pretty damn funny! Loved the Ghost Busters montage too, and what better way to end it than the boys crashing down a door and Dean with the grenade launcher and Sam with the Thor hammer LOL

The timeline throws me a bit now as to how long Mrs Butters was with the boys. It’s obvious it was more than a day, but was it for months? Did they really end the festivities in May which would make sense as to why Sam had a Birthday and Dean didnt, and Jack got one at the end (more on that soon) if it was for months, then it seems very odd that it took that long for Mrs B to turn on Jack and not learn he’s a nice kid. Hmmmmm.

So the one portion I didnt like, of course is Sam’s date with Eileen. It’s far too  close to the end to bring up a “girlfriend” topic and I could get through that goodbye kiss I had to watch months ago believing it was a “goodbye” kiss and not a “Hey lets hook up next time you’re in town” kiss. Not to mention the comments after were equally unnecessary and nauseating. Ok... nuffadat

So, in true Supernatural form, it goes from happy to sooo not happy! We find out Mrs B is pretty bad ass, and can rip of dudes heads with her bare hands, and she thinks Jack is a monster, and Dean outta kill him. Dean wont so he gets locked away with Jack. Now this was a very important part to me and I hope to others. Jack asks Dean if he still thinks hes a monster and Dean is ready to be honest. He tells Jack what he did isnt easy to forgive and he is still mad but he’s trying, and hes not gonna let this woman take him out. I think that really encompassed what it means when they say “Family always has your back”. That person that you could hurt so terribly, unintentionally, who may still very well be pissed and yet wouldnt let anyone hurt you, is your family ❤

So moving on, We get Sam tied to a chair ad tortured.... again. This time though, he gets his fingernails pulled out, very graphically! UGHHHHHHH that hurt so much!! WTF SPN W T A F!! And yet, he’s the one to talk Mrs B down. That’s Sam for ya! I’m glad they didnt end up killing her, especially knowing the lengths they go to protect each other. 

Then, Dean makes Jack a bday cake. AWWWWWW!! How effing sweet!!!

One thing I think was a big missed opportunity is the chance to talk a bit about Henry Winchester. I thought for sure he’d be brought up, but alas...

Overall, I really liked it. (ALmost) perfect episode to come back to before we get our asses whooped over the next 6 weeks. 

So on a scale from Bloodlines to Lebanon, I’ll give Last Holiday a solid 7. had they not thrown in the Eileen thing, it would get an 8.5

See ya next week!

[wolferals]

🌙TROUBLE🌙

arón piper imagine

🌼@bbaronpiper and I wanted to try something and got some basic keywords for a story and both of us wrote our own interpretation! A so seen little project🌼 hope you like it🌸

and check out her story as well TROUBLE

also check out her writings, shes amazing! @bbaronpiper

*

*

friday july 12th 2019

„Have you ever considered becoming a vegan officer?" you asked the tall handsome cop who sitting in front of you.

He looked at you in disbelief before speaking up:"Y/n, its one thing being a proud vegan but its another thing to carry out violet actions against Mr. Rodriguez. You overreacted and you have to deal with the consequences."

You scoffed and leaned back against your chair.

„And how long is that going to take here?"

He slowly lifted himself up from the wooden chair and turned to you once again, saying:"Apologize to him and maybe he wont sue you."

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

He was the one who had provoked you by pushing you out of the way, making you fall. You had just asked him what that had been for and he had responded:"Get out of the way little girl. Maybe go to school instead of protesting against something you cant stop. Maybe eating some meat wouldnt harm you."

And yes maybe you had overreacted by kicking him in his left leg. But how were you supposed to know he had just had surgery?

When you had heard about the protest against animal cruelty in the middle of Madrid you had immediately called your best friend to tell her to make some signs.

And that said friend was now hiding somewhere, just as the cops had arrived she left you alone and ran.

In that very moment you could've screamed but you were too busy trying to hide. But they caught you eventually, thats why you were here.

„Alright Ms. Y/l/n, we only need your personal details and then you can go. You will receive a letter from us in the next week."

You looked up and listened to the police man talking to you. Then you grabbed your bag that's been sitting on the floor throughout this time and walked outside.

„Alright, sit down." An older woman ordered you.

You unwillingly sat down on another chair in the main area of the police station.

There were two other people you noticed. A young girl, maybe around the age of 11 who had probably lost her parents in the city. And a rather damaged boy your age, perhaps a little bit older, who had scars in his face.

Your gaze fell to his hand that had bleeding knuckles.

He noticed your stare and looked at you.

He didnt look very charming you figured. He looked pretty serious and was probably one of those guys that got into fights on the regular or maybe even did drugs.

„Full name." the unpleasant female cop yelled at you.

You looked at her and then took a deep breath. Your parents would kill you, but you had no choice, you were already in deep shit.

„Y/n (y/m/n) y/l/n)" you spoke and looked to the ground.

The lady mustered you and eventually wrote down the information.

„Birthday", „Place of birth" , „family status (parents names and birthdays)"  and other personal information followed. You unwillingly answered each time.

Great, now you were officially fucked.

„Wait here." She said after she slammed the „questionnaire" on the front desk where a young woman took it and started typing something on her computer.

So you just sat there for what felt like an eternity until another police officer entered the room and grabbed a chair to sit in front of the guy with the bruises.

„Alright. So, beating up teenagers is now cool or why did you do it?" he asked him while leaning back.

The guy just laughed and then replied:"First of all, they are not teenagers, they are over 18. And second, this fucker wanted to rob me. I just defended myself."

You listened interested until they both looked at you, making you look away rapidly.

„So you're saying that this boy who is about 5'6 wanted to rob a man who already has a criminal record?"

The guy nodded and added:"I know how this sounds but look what he did to me! The guy can do karate. I just hit back to run away."

The officer took a long breath in before answering:"Well too bad you got caught and are already very well known here Arón."

The guy suddenly looked very mad again and leaned towards the old police man.

„I didnt fucking start this!"

The man got up, put the chair back to its original position and said:"I'll get the report ready Mr Piper."

The guy cursed and then leaned back against the wall.

You were looking at his face. The bruises you had noticed before looked very fresh, there was still some liquid blood in them. But in general he was quite handsome. He had a sharp jaw, a very chiseled face structure and a shaved head. He looked like a criminal, judging from how the criminals on tv look like.

„Qué??" he then asked, making you snap out of your thoughts.

„Uh nothing." you replied and coughed.

You turned your face away from him.

„First time in trouble huh?" he asked and you could hear the grin in his tone.

You looked back at him, looked him up and down and replied sassy:"Duh."

He chuckled at you.

Then he spoke:"Welcome to the real world."

You had to laugh at his word choice. Next he sat up right.

„Did you beat him up?" you then asked out of curiosity.

„Arón" stared right into your eyes and eventually stated:"Did you kick the man out of nowhere?"

You responded with a small laugh. „Yeah." he just claimed and looked around.

„I'm fucked." you mumbled after a couple of seconds.

You could feel him looking at you. „Nah the first time isnt as bad. Plus, you just kicked someone, you didnt kill anyone."

Your head shot around. „Ah someone knows his way around huh?"

Arón chuckled again. „Nah. Not yet." he smiled.

You noticed a little gap between his front teeth. He didnt look as dangerous when he smiled.

„You know I'm good at assuming things about people. And you dont seem like a killer girl." he suddenly said.

You smiled and scanned his face secretly.

„What do I seem like then?"

He grinned and the next thing he did was stare you up and down for a bit. Until he finally spoke:"Rich girl, who lives with her parents. She likes to say what she thinks and sometimes gets into fights because of that. But she's never been arrested before so mommy and daddy are going to ground you for that."

You scoffed at him.

But he wasn't completely wrong.

„Well. Okay." was all you could say. He was pretty right about his statement.

After sitting in the hall for a little, the old officer finally came back and handed you your ID.

„You can go."

You got up and grabbed your bag with your left hand.

„Hey princess, tell mommy and daddy I'm sorry for their criminal daughter." you heard Aróns voice as you wanted to leave the police station.

„Ha ha very funny." you replied and faked a smile that turned into a frown.

„Hey girly, can I crash at your mansion some time?" he yelled after you.

„Sure. But I wont tell you where I live." you grinned and looked at his expression.

He looked chill despite the fact that he was in trouble like you had been.

„Dont worry, I'll find you."

You nodded unbelieving and then finally kept walking.

Now you had to explain to your parents why you were late, and why you were expecting a letter from the police. Fuck.

•

•

You somehow managed to tell your parents exactly how it happened without being yelled at. They believed that it wasn't completely only your fault yet they werent happy about the fact that you ended up at the police. But on the other hand you had never had any problems with the law before and you were usually a good girl, so they werent worried as much as expected. You hadnt told them about the lawsuit yet though. That was a future problem.

As it was now the next day you were just at home, finishing some assignments for your second year of college that would start next week.

You had taken a shower after dinner and then went to your room to watch a show before heading to bed.

To be honest, you had almost forgotten about the whole lawsuit thing when you went to bed that night. It got late, you got stuck with the newest season of your favorite show and actually fell asleep at around 1:30.

A loud noise woke you from your sleep and you sat up right, looking around all confused.

Your room was completely dark besides the streetlights from outside your window.

You heard the knock again and a shockwave went right through your body. Where did it come from? The house was all silent since your parents' bedroom was downstairs and your sister was sleeping at her boyfriends' almost every night.

Slowly you made your way threw the hallway checking where the noise came from. Your first thought was that it was probably the neighbors cat in the backyard or something but then you realized the bangs came from the bathroom.

You grabbed the first thing near you which was a vase that had been standing on a little table in the hallway.

Eventually you walked to the bathroom and turned on the light.

You got scared immediately as you saw a face in front of the window.

After looking at the person you realized it was the guy from the police station. You closed the bathroom door and unlocked the window.

„What the fuck are you doing here?" you whisper yelled.

The guy climbed into the room. He was wearing a black hoodie with some dark grey sweatpants and a black beanie. „You said i could sleep here if I found you. And i did."

You were actually creeped out. So you just stared at him until your confidence came back. „How did you fucking find my house?" you asked and pushed him back a little bit. He grinned and leaned against the sink. „I stole the paper with your information."

Your eyes widened. „You what??" you asked him in disbelief. „You're welcome. Now they got nothing against you. For the police you dont exist."

You didnt know if you should thank him for it or hit him in the face for doing such a stupid thing. What if the police thought you stole it? „So where can i sleep then?" he asked you and took a look around. His bruises were still visible but now looked a lot more clean and healed.

„Uh." you stuttered and thought about his question.

„My parents are right downstairs. You cant just sneak in here and expect me to offer you my bed. I dont know you, you could be a psycho!" He laughed at you and stepped closer to you. You were intimidated because you couldnt step back any farther. Your back was already touching the wall next to the bathtub.

„I wont hurt you, I just need a place to sleep." You looked right into his eyes that were only inches away from yours.

He was so close he could probably hear your heart pound. It was about to jump out of your chest. You then offered him to sleep on the small couch in your room, if he promised to disappear before your parents found out.

So you passed him a blanket and two pillows and finally turned off the light the second time this night.

„Goodnight." you automatically whispered. You heard a little chuckle from the other side of the room before he whispered back a quiet:"Gracias."

•

When you woke up a couple of hours later your room was lightened by the sun. You rubbed your eyes and sat up. You almost had a little heart attack when you saw someone laying on your couch. But then you remember what happened only 4 hours before. The guy who's name you werent sure about -was it Arón?- was sleeping peacefully, his closed eyes facing you. You noticed he had taken off his shirt. You didnt see his stomach but you could see his naked, muscular arms over the blanket. And you saw some tattoos on them. And a small tattoo on his chest.

He looked quite cute when he was sleeping.

You then checked your phone and thought about what you'd do today until you heard footsteps coming upstairs.

Your mom! She always says goodbye before work. Its like a mother-daughter tradition because once when you were a kid and she didnt say bye you had a panic attack because you thought something happened to her. You jumped up from the bed towards the couch.

„Wake up! Wake up! You gotta hide, my mom's coming!" you shook him to wake him up. He replied with a raspy groan and eventually opened his eyes.

„Huh?" he asked confused looking at you. -„Hide! My mom!" You whispered and waited for him to get in the closet.

But since he took so long realizing what was going on, it happened what had to happen.

Your mom was standing in your room, staring at both of you. You in your oversized shirt and no pants and this strange boy shirtless. You were fucked.

„Uhh y/n?" she asked and looked at you in confusion.

You were all staring each other down until Arón spoke up:"Mrs. Y/l/n, im so sorry. My name is Arón, I'm your daughters boyfriend." He shook her hand smiling. Your mother on the other hand looked confused as hell. Just as you. Did he just call himself your boyfriend?

„Oh. I didnt know she had a boyfriend." Your mom replied and then actually chuckled. She laughed! She wasnt mad?

„I have to go to work now but nice to meet you Arón. See you later honey, i think we have to talk."

She said after none of you said anything.

„Likewise" Arón spoke before your mom left your room and closed the door.

„What the hell?" you yelled at him and lightly punched him in the chest.

„I had no choice. What do you want me to do? Say that I broke in here because we met at the police station?"

You ran your hand through your hair and then said:"Please go. I'm in enough trouble already. Please leave."

He nodded, then grabbed his sweater and put it back on.

„Can i sleep here tonight too? I dont really know where to go." he asked while picking up his things.

You rolled your eyes but nodded softly.

„Thank you!" He smiled and came up to you.

„Sure." you replied and crossed your arms.

He opened the door to your room and whispered a „see you tonight" before finally leaving your house.

You didnt really trust this guy. Something about him was off but you didnt know quite yet what it was.

•

•

Arón's been crashing at your place for a week now and a lot of weird things happened inbetween. You only saw him at night when he climbed through your bedroom or the bathroom window. Then you usually went to bed and in the morning he left. You never knew where he went and you also didnt know why he couldnt sleep at his parents'.

Your mom and dad had both talked to him before and actually believed he was your boyfriend. Around them he acted like an angel but you knew he wasnt. I mean, he's never insulted you or been rude but he certainly wasnt an example of a good guy.

One night as you were sleeping, him laying on your couch, you were woken by someones voice talking in your room.

Arón was walking around your carpet, speaking into his phone loudly.

„Whats up?" you whispered and looked at him all sleepy.

He showed you he needed a second and kept discussion in spanish.

He was pretty loud and you were worried your parents might wake up from his voice. And he seemed mad, almost aggressive.

He then hung up and before you knew, he slammed his phone on the wall. It broke immediately, shocking you intensely.

„Jeez what the fuck!" you spoke and got up from the bed.

Arón in the meantime put on his jacked and wanted to walk out of the room but you chased him, trying not to make too much noise walking downstairs.

„Where are you going?" you asked.

„I need to see someone before this certain person wakes your parents." he boldly spoke and opened the front door.

You were only wearing shorts and a top and it was chilly outside. But you were far too concerned to grab a jacket.

You closed the door behind you and ran after him.

„Y/n go to bed." he then ordered as he kept walking.

„No i need to know whats happening."

He scoffed at you and finally stopped as you both reached a person standing around the corner.

Aron was just standing there staring at the dark dressed man.

You were right behind him, carefully taking a look.

„Arón." the guy finally spoke and came up to you both, grabbing aron by the jacket.

„What do you want?" arón asked the man, sounding as if he was about to rip his head off.

„Needed to see you little brother." the guy replied and then noticed you hiding behind Aróns back.

„Oh got yourself a girlfriend huh?" he grinned and walked around him to get closer to you.

„Hey you." he smiled and reached out to touch you but you backed off and mustered him.

„She's hot." the guy then said and turned around to arón again.

„What the fuck are you doing here Juan?" Arón finally spoke up. „Taking you home. Mom is worried about you."

Aron laughed fake before claiming:"Oh really?"

Juan stepped right in front of Aron and looked at him.

„I like your new haircut brother. You look like a prisoner."

Arón didnt reply, he clenched his fist as if he was about to hit.

„If you keep going like that, you will be soon." Juan added and smiled at him.

„Fuck off im not coming home." arón mumbled and wanted to step back but Juan grabbed his arm and answered:"You. Are coming with me. Because I say so."

Aron freed his arm and yelled:"Get out of my life."

You just watched as they were yelling at each other. The reason for Aróns stubbornness wasnt quite clear for you until he said one specific thing:"Mom and Dad dont want me back! All they want was you. You're the only son they ever wanted."

He was jealous of his big brother.

What you figured out from their conversation, Juan was a troublemaker himself but then started studying and was now about to be a lawyer. Apparently their parents had always supported him, even though he used to be in deep shit often times. Arón kept claiming that he was „nothing to their parents".

At some point the situation escalated and Juan grabbed Aron rather harshly and Aron pushed him back. Which made Juan fall to the ground, hitting his head on the concrete.

Juan looked even more furious than Aron then.

He got up again and basically jumped arón.

You felt useless, watching those brothers fight in the middle of the streets.

But suddenly you decided to do something.

You went up to them and jumped on Arons back to make him stop.

„Stop this shit before someone calls the cops!" you tried to calm them down.

But Aron was so furious he threw you right off.

You landed on your back rather harshly, moaning out in pain. It had been really fucking painful.

He didnt even notice that he had hurt you, they kept yelling at each other until you heard police sirens getting closer.

Juan seemed to notice as well and let go of Aron.

„You know what, fuck you! You're useless to this family. Come back after achieving something!" Juan yelled and just disappeared between the streetlights and the bushes.

„Fuck." Aron cursed and finally turned around to you.

„Run!" he then said as the police car turned around the corner.

You got up in pain and grabbed his reached out hand.

„Faster!" he told you and pulled you with him as he was running super fast. You almost stumbled over your own feet.

„Where?" you just asked and concentrated on running as fast as you could.

Usually you hated running but right now it felt good. Free kind of. You had never run from the cops, especially not with a known criminal who wasnt as bad as you thought.

„Fuck, run faster." he yelled but you couldnt go any faster.

Eventually he let go of you to make you jump into a bush.

The cops were right behind you but didnt seem to notice you hiding, they ran past you after Aron.

And aron on the other hand did something you hasnt expected. He stopped running.

He turned around and put his hands up in the air.

What the fuck was he doing?

The police reached him and put him in a secure grip in a fast motion. He couldve gotten away easily if he hadnt stopped!

They grabbed him by the arm and pulled him through the alley of trees towards the police car.

You looked him straight in the eyes as they walked past you. He inconspicuously smiled at you.

What was he doing?

As they sat him in the police car you slowly got out of the bush.

So you just stood there. They couldve seen you but you didnt care, you just wanted to see what was happening.

Some of your neighbors were outside looking as well.

Before the car took off you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket.

Who would text you at 3am?

You took it and opened the message.

You started to smile and looked up to see him smiling at you from the police car.

Arón:"Can I crash again when I get out?"

⭐️

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[a-political-wingnut]

Label me Human Part 2

These are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

I have these labels. These are little clues I help others navigate around me, and likewise they can help me navigate the world...I can use them to find a group of in my area of study to talk with, or if I’m feeling upset about the housing market-I can go vent at my peers.

In this manner, as traffic signs or a sort of gps, these labels are helpful, but I am not defined by them.

They are not the sum of my parts, but pieces of a greater whole.

And this true of all these labels. Labels that we give ourselves, bestow on others, or have bestowed on us by our peers can and never will give a complete picture.

I am defined not by a list of words, but by my ideas, my words, and most importantly my actions, and the choices that I make with the time that is given to me.

This is true of everyone I think. [citation needed]

We are more than mere labels. At least I hope we are, because these labels while useful can also be detrimental. I’ve already covered this, so I wont spend too much time on it. But while these labels can serve as guidelines helping us navigate the messy traffic of life, they can marginalize people and create division within communities that need each other to be allies.

And labels themselves can be warped by perceptions and biases making something once wholesome and maybe even beneficial, toxic and detrimental.

How we behave while touting these labels, is what makes the difference.

The meaning of labels can change. Someone once wholesome and beneficial can be warped by prejudice and biases, until it becomes a twisted and toxic mockery of its former definition.

A prime example of this is feminism. Feminism by it’s very definition is a movement that supports equality for men and women. That’s what the movement actually fights for. However...a lot of people have decided that Feminism should instead be a movement that elevates women above men, as if women are shining beacons of purity or something, which they most certainly are not. As a woman I can confidently say women have the capacity to be terrible people.

Feminism is shifting away a movement that supports equality, and toward a club of misandrists who support and actively try to subjugate men. Which is a horrible thing to do.

Labels can be dangerous. Dangerous people, like irate misandrist can take them as their own, and derail entire movements, completely undermining the benefits those movements might have given.

And because they call themselves Feminists it becomes very hard to call them out on their bigotry because they can turn around go “woah there, I’m a Feminist fighting for the rights of the suppressed,” and becasue of that shield they become untouchable, and their prejudices have become scarily widespread hear on Tumblr and across other media platforms as well.

Misandry is not Feminism. It’s bigotry plain and simple. And Feminism is a movement that supports equality for both men and women. They are not the same thing, but until we stop allowing bigoted, hateful, and ignorant women to call themselves Feminists this will continue to be a problem.

Martin Luther King Jr. Could tell you, that you can’t fight fire with fire. That turning around and treating the misogynists with hatred and disdain, threatening to, if not actively seeking to strip them of their autonomy does nothing but prove that women and Feminists in particular really are monsters.

So thanks ladies. Thanks a bunch.

Thanks for making Women’s Suffrage look like a crock of hooey. Very helpful. And for making men feel like they’re under threat and need to defend themselves, making it harder to convince them to help us, becasue we really do need their help, you know, since they’re a part of society and have an easier time being taken seriously by other men than we women do-since the stereotype of the manipulative woman playing the victim card is still a thing-.. and I can’t imagine why that would be the case when those same poor defenseless victims turn around and start talking about exterminating, subjugating, or enslaving men-like I just can’t imagine why that mentality might persist. So again thank you for making the path to equality so much more difficult. Because it so bloody easy to walk before. Thanks.

And how you behave when you say you’re a feminist or X/Y//Z-or any label matters. It matters a great deal, because in that moment you become a face and a spokesperson for a group of people, and your behaviour is what they’ll remember long after your words have faded. If you support a marginalized group and you’re turning around and trying to marginalize others, you’re doing a disservice to your group.

Another example is Veganism (Yes I’m Vegan too-I did say I’d probably forgotten some labels lol) When Vegans treat animals with more respect than people, there’s a problem. There’s a problem with that individual’s mindset, certainly, but with the group as a whole if people within that community aren’t stepping forward to say, “we don’t support that kind of hatred/behaviour. We recognize that humans are animals too.”

I’m not going to say labels don’t matter. They absolutely do. But how you use them, when/if you use them matters more. There’s nothing wrong with an angry Vegan, or a furious Feminist.

But there is something wrong if that anger is used to spread hatred, bigotry, or violence. A label does not give you rightful claim to any moral high-ground if you start perpetuating bigotry or violence. And the moment you do so, you debase yourself. You lose all credibility and moral integrity.

The moment you start using labels or allow others to use labels to foster hatred and bigotry, you become a part of the problem not the solution.

Thanks Misandrists. Thanks PETA. (Side note: PETA was the reason I hated Vegans. For years. I hated them...until I became one because Caitlin Shoemaker and Unnatural Vegan showed me that not all Vegans are PETA, or endorse PETA.)

There are rational vegans. There are rational Feminists. Every group has their sinners and saints. And now that I’ve gone off about the hypocrites utilizing those moments for malicious gains.

Labels are important. I’ll say it again. But they should not be everything. There’s a time and a place to tell someone you’re a Vegan. There’s a time and a place to say you fall under the LGBTQA umbrella. There are times when those signs need to be made visible for one’s own benefit, and the for the benefit of a group or movement at large.

How one behaves while donning them matters.

But so does there usage. You can’t be non-binary and female at the same time. Being non-binary means you’re neither male or female, and I kid you not I saw this mistake made by someone yesterday. I’m not gonna link this, because I don’t need or want anyone who reads this to go after them. I have a gut feeling it’s a young person too. And I’ve seen the deplorable behaviour of adults on here, so I’ll address it myself.

Labels have clearly defined meanings, and that’s very important. The people who use those labels need those meanings to be as clear and concise as possible. They need those labels, because they are the shortest and simplest way to tell someone what you are or what you stand for.

Like which political party someone belongs to. Democrats and Republicans are not the same. That’s not to say there aren’t people who side with both on certain topics. But when you think Republican there’s a very clear image of a republican that comes to mind. Alt-Right likewise conjures something else. Labels need to be clear cut and as easy to understand as possible.

It’s important that they don’t get used in the wrong way, or that five different labels aren’t being used to mean the same thing. The latter, especially, muddies the water. And there are people in this world who might not what trans means, or what asexual, or non-binary means, and it’s important that labels be used appropriately and in the right context. Because the definition of the labels we use to define ourselves with matters.

And this brings me back to my main point. I sure know how to go a tangent lol. (Seriously. I’m sorry about that, but seeing people using labels to justify bigotry infuriates me like nothing else.)

Labels should not be treated as the whole sum of a person’s parts. It’s not good if they are. People are complicated and their thoughts and behaviors are messy. And I don’t believe anyone should able to stuff to themselves under a small umbrella of  words and acronyms and go: “Yup, that is me.”

I honestly hope that’s not the case. There should be an ‘and’ in  there somewhere. Lots of ‘ands’ all of which put together begin to paint a clear picture of who a person might be.

So these are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

vegan (this applies to my everyday life and I missed it lmao)

These are facets of a person. Glimpses through a dusty window at the room inside. I am all of these labels, and I am so much more. I am me. I am Squirrel. I am human.

We are all human. And before someone looks at us and sees a straight person, a queer person, or a vegan, they’ll see our face, hear our words, and witness our actions. It is how we interact with our fellow humans that defines us.

[jumoonjae]

SAVE ME pt 1

Pairings: Reader X Seungyoun X Wooseok Ft YooA Genre: Action/ Angst/ Fluff

Summary: After someone save you, you had no choice but to join his adventures that unintentionally unveil fragments of memories that you never knew ever existed before, revealing who you really are and what are your connection with the stranger. Will it be a good idea to find the missing puzzle?

Forensic was your passion. Some would call it odd while some would call it unique. Sometimes things would get eerie when the cadaver’s condition was far beyond your brain could have ever imagine and sometimes you spent many sleepless night just because you couldn’t push away the gore image that would stuck in you head for days. When it comes to food, you had stop eating intestine since you started your carrier, You even thought about being a vegan at some point.But you glad you didn’t. That’s the thrill you always love about your job. It wasn’t boring, not so adventurous for an average woman like you.It was just fine. Until one day.

You received a new cadaver that morning, it was named ‘John Doe’ because they couldn’t identify his features and there was no some sort of id found when they found his body. His face was burnt to extent that only his bone was left. It was a murder the police said, so every report should be given straight to them which mean you need to carry out detailedautopsyand submit the report within 24hours from the recorded time you had received the cadaver.

“New case?” Wooseok stop by while you were preparing yourself for the autopsy. He always the first to know when there’s a murder case and you never know how. He loves to tease you when you use full personal protective equipmentsaying that you looked like a astronaut.

“Yeah. They want the full report in 24hour. Like usual.” You sighed while putting in your gown and he help you tie it up securely from the back.

“Are you alone? Where’s your intern?” He looked around for another person outside the procedure room for your intern but only greeted by the cold eerie corridor which made the hair on hi nape to stand every time.

“I don’t know. He didn’t showed up this morning, didn’t call or text me at all. I already informed my head so she’ll find someone else to replace him for today.” You put on your second gloves then your eye shield. Turning to face him to see his grinning face.

“My little astronaut.” He tapped your head with a playful grin then sent you off with a kiss on your forehead into the cold room leaving only you with the cadaver.

You first checked every detail on the outer skin for evident before cut open the chest using the equipment carefully. You heard the door open and you stop to turn back looking at the person who you assume will assist you throughout the autopsy.

“I supposed you are here to replace my intern?” You asked and he only nod. He was tall. Taller than your intern, but you never saw him anywhere before.

“Are you new?” You asked again, but the stoic looking guy only give you another nod. So you assumed that he must be nervous and might not really know well the procedure.

“I’m Y/N by the way. Weird, they never mentioned they’re taking new intern this month. Come, you just need to hand me any equipment when I ask you to. Its your first day, so I wont give you hard time.” You gestured him with aa assuring smile to the other side of the metal bed and he obeyed. He does look nervous.

The autopsy went quite stressing you would say. Because the guy was constantly vomiting and it slows you down. But you couldn’t blame him at all. You fainted the first time you saw an open clean cadaver during your second year of university all you could do was give him encouraging smile and told him that it was okay if he wanted to rest. But he didn’t leave he stood there for hours with you obeying your orders until you were done. But never once he open his mouth to speak. Only to vomit.

“You’re done here, I just need to check the organs for a bit and I’m done too. I’ll do the rest of the report, you can go back to your station. Thank you for the good work.” You smiled but he didn’t he just nodded and ready to take his leave when he heard you whispered.

“Inflammation on the intestine. Interesting.” You mumbled then took the blade to slice open the inflamed part and found a microchip. You took the chip using a forceps and didn’t realize how the man that assisted you stops in his track and eye grew wider at the chip that you were holding. You flinch hard when you heard someone knock on the glass from the outside of the room.

“God damnit.” You cursed. You saw a stranger standing outside looking at you with a surprised look, he was in shock but then you saw urgency in his face pointing to your intern and gesturing you to move away from him before he rushed to the entrance door which is the opposite side of it and you were dumbfounded.

But before you could ask the intern about the commotion, you saw him took something from his back and the next thing you know, he pointed a gun right at your face making you freeze and you swear your blood was dried out because you were shocked and terrified. Your whole life flashed on the tip of the gun and you don’t even dare to look away from the gun.

“Now, place that chip inside that evident bag and give it to me.” He pointed the gun to the bag then back to you and you do as he said. You heard the door slams open and a shot fired making you duck down and scrambled to the trolley where you placed your equipment to take cover hand still holding on the bag clutched to your chest. You were shaking profusely and you waited for another shot. But instead you saw the stranger run to your side and took the chip from your hand putting it inside a case. He was crouching next to you and you stare at him waiting for explanation. But it never came.

“You need to come with me. He had seen your face, you need to hide for the time being.” He didn’t look at you but looking for the intern. Another shot was fired by the intern and he fired back you assume hit his target, because you could a loud thud and a grunt. You hurriedly took off your gloves and all of the equipment from your body before taking his hand. Next thing you know, you were already at the hospital lobby hand in hand rushing to the entrance. That’s when you saw your boyfriend who was leaning on the counter checking some paper. Almost like he could sense someone was looking at him, he raised his head and found your eyes immediately. He’s looking at you then at your close proximate between you and the stranger then looking down to your hand that was holding the stranger’s hand. He looked confused. He then put the paper down at the counter and try to run to you but it was difficult because the lobby was crowded that he keep bumping into people, he was calling your name few times with a pained expression. He looked hurt and it hurts you. You try to pull your hand from the stranger and run to Wooseok but his grip was getting tighter.

“My boyfriend. Please let me just explain to him.” You tugged his hand and you both stop. He was hesitating but let you go eventually. But the minute you took a step toward Wooseok, you heard a gunshot and everyone starting to run from every direction making you lose Wooseok from your sight. Everything was chaotic, you heard kids were crying and their parents were comforting them on the floor and they were bumped by the crown almost stepped over. You feel like crying seeing how scared the crowd was, there’s a old people who was covering their ear in fear and it broke you heart. You couldn’t stop blaming yourself. If you just hand the chip to the shooter earlier, this wont be happening.

You saw the shooter who just exited the lift still holding his gun upward with a bloody shirt on his shoulder. You recognize him, he was the one who disguised as your intern earlier. You wanted to run to him and stop him, you were in rage, you want to fight him but you don’t know how. He was kicking someone who was on his way and you feel your blood boiling inside you. You were about to scream at him when feel a tug on your bag and you saw the stranger cocked his head to the entrance, you look back again to the crowd to look for your boyfriend. When you couldn’t find him you turn back to the stranger and saw his apologetic eyes.

“Run to the black Audi outside. I’ll cover for you.”

“We need to help them. There’s children in here. We can’t just leave.” You were crying but you don’t know since when. It was anger, not fear. It was rage, frustration.

“The police will come. We need to take the microchip to the police immediately. Please. Save yourself first.” There was urgency in his voice, he was pleading, almost like saving you was his main reason why he showed up. He grabs your hand and persuaded you until you obeyed.

***

You were at the police headquarters but you were locked inside a cold room and were interrogated by the police and the stranger was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did you found the chip? This contains the government’s confidential files and it should be in the Blue House. Why is it in your possession?” He asked for the hundredth time.

“I told you already. I was the one who did the autopsy for the dead body I just received this morning and I found this inside his gut. I work for the government I would have finished the autopsy report if it wasn’t someone try to take it away from me and your guy had to bring me here.” You’re on the verge to snap at the officer, but you didn’t because you want the interrogation to end a soon as possible and call Wooseok. He must be dead worried.

But they didn’t let you go and it was already midnight. You saw one of the officer’s wristwatch when the send you some food that you didn’t touch.You back hurts because you had been sitting down since the moment you’re arrived, your hair was a mess by the constant tugging and scratching because you couldn’t stand sitting doing nothing. Your face flinches to the cold when you rest your face at the table and let out a long sigh. But before you could close your eyes, you heard someone was opening the door sneakily. You turn to look at the person.

“Hey come on. We need to run.” The stranger took your hand and you let him dragged you out from that place. You don’t really know why you obeyed. Maybe you loved the thrill, the adrenaline that surged every time you’re running away.

“They must’ve out of their mind locking an agent inside a police headquarter.” He just mumbled the word, but you heard. He sounds frustrated, maybe something went wrong. You wanted to ask why but you saved it for later. You just need to focus on getting out from that place that instant.

***

“Sorry about your boyfriend. I wish I could give you more time.” He breaks the silence in the car that he stole.

“I cannot say its fine. But what choices do we have. Thank you though, for saving me.” You said without looking at him. You stare at the light thinking about Wooseok. His pained expression when he couldn’t reach you. But your mind couldn’t fight the curiosity to know what was the chaos all about. What so special about the chip and why you found it inside a dead body intestine.

“What’s with the microchip? Why the made such a fuss for that thing?”

“It’s the evident of corruption that was happening inside the blue house, treason, murder, bribery. Everything that can be use to take down everyone that involved.”You nodded still looking at him waiting for more information. But he didn’t seem to have a plan to give you more.

“But you don’t have it now.”

“Says who?” He smirked taking it out from his back pocket showing it to you. Your eyes widen in shock and asked how he got it back.

“It was a bad idea to lock me in there. The whole department had been compromised. The police will come for us.”

“What? So they’re going to hunt us now? Who are you people? How did I get involved into all this?” You grunt to your last word and let out a long sigh tugging your hair again.

“You can put it that way. I work for the government too. But I’m from a team that was established by the president himself for special mission like this, only few people in the Blue House is aware about our existence. Yesterday I got this mission to retreat the microchip and they asked me to investigate more about it. The one at the hospital earlier was the people who try to get the chip to blackmail any powerful person on that list for money and power. The police, some are already know about that shit and they try to destroy the microchip to save their bosses ass.” He explained without once taking his eyes off the road. He didn’t pause or stuttered. He’s telling the truth right? But you need to help him solve this so you can live a normal life again right?

“How are you going solve this?”

“I don’t know yet. I couldn’t call my boss to inform him that I have this. If I use cellphone, they can track us anywhere. So we’re basically on our own.” You had goosebumps when he said you both need to solve it without any help. You gulped hard. He clearly saw how nervous you are and chuckled.

“It’s okay. You can trust me. I won’t harm you.”

***

He drove for another few hour until you reached Seoul which you never step foot on before. You rejected a few offer to work and move to Seoul, because you heard work is more hectic in the big city. Your current work already taking most of your time and you couldn’t think of any place that were busier than your place.You love Busan even you didn’t grew up there, because you love the smell of the sea every time you drove by after busy day at the morgue.

You both checked in a suite and he left you to buy something to eat and you decided to take a shower while he’s gone. You stayed a little longer letting the water wash down all the tense in tour muscle. You thought about how it all started, you remember how scare you are when the gun was pointed to you. You remember how confused Wooseok face looked and it kills you. You couldn’t call him. You’re too scare to take the risk, even the tiniest one. But there’s nothing you could do about it, you just going to follow Seungyoun and trust him so you can go home. You hope. You thought you took longer because when you’re out, you saw a new set of clothes laid on your bed. Black leather jacket, white tee, black skinny and a sneaker. You found a black sports bra and matching small pant underneath all the clothes.You were thankful because you don’t need to wear your hideous hospital uniform anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude buying you those.” He couldn’t finish his word but gesture his hands to his chest up and down and you caught it right away with a awkward laugh.

“It’s fine. It’s comfortable. Thank you.” You smile before taking the seat next to him with a proper distance to eat the takeout’s. You were starving, so you just eat like you usually do. Loud and eating like you’ve been starved for days. He was amused by the sigh of woman eating so loud like that, he couldn’t help to chuckle.

“I bought everything referring to my girlfriend’s size just so you know. I just don’t want you to think that I checked you out or a pervert.”

“It does fit perfectly. I guess I need to thank her someday.”

“No need for that.” He said bitterly, but still had those calm demeanors on his features.

“Why?” You realize that you asked too much. But you couldn’t help yourself.

“She’s dead.” A pang of guilt surge wildly inside you and you was about to apologize when he cut you.

“You look like you needed some sleep.”He lean over to get a clearer view of your dark circle under your eyes.You thought that it must be hard for him to mention her so you stop asking.

“I can’t I have insomnia.” You blurt out slurping the noodle making a loud sound which he had grown use to. He was a bit surprised when you said it like it was nothing to you. Like it doesn’t matter if you sleep or not. He noticed how optimistic you are even after what happened earlier.

“What you usually do when you can’t sleep?” He asked eating his portion in an opposite manner.

“I read.” He scoffed and you shot him a glare as if it’s a weird thing to have reading as a hobby and mouthed ‘what’.

“Leaving your boyfriend alone in bed?”

“No we don’t live together.”

“Odd.”

“What? He never mentioned about it and I never thought about moving out from my house. Besides I love my own privacy. We’re doing just fine living separately.” He made an ‘o’ face and nod.

“I’ve been following you around but didn’t even know your name. That is odd.” You squint your eye to him and he just smiles flaunting his dimple on his cheek. You noticed how good looking the man was, his hair pulled back, fair skin, tall and well built.

“I’m Seungyoun.” You nod with a smile before continue digging into your noodle ignoring the man who was waiting for your turn to tell him your name.

“You?”

“Y/N.”

“Thank you Y/N for trusting me.”

“Actually I don’t trust you.” He cocked his head to the side, confused.

“Why did you follow me though?” He asked and you crooked your brow to search for answer somewhere.

“I don’t know. I just feel safe with you. Maybe that’s why.” He smiled to your answer and let silence engulf the air until you both finish eating. It almost 5 in the morning when you excuse yourself to your room while he still sat in the living room try to decode the chip.

***

You tossed and turn on the bed couldn’t sleep at all. It would be better if you had your book with you so you decided to do what you always did when you were restless. You took your cigarette and just sit on the bathtub. A habit you developed when you’re alone, when you already read all the books in your house, when you don’t know any better thing to do. Lay on the empty tub fully dressed, sometime you managed to fall asleep, waking up with sores all over your body. You rest your head on the cold ceramic staring the lightbulb trying to focus on it. Blocking all the thoughts that been bombarding your mind, all the indistinct voices in your head. You hummed a few melodies and loving how you voice echoed throughout the small spaces.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Are you taking a bath again?”

“No. Just contemplating life.” You heard him chuckle from the other side of the door.

“We’re leaving in ten. Get ready. Tell me if you need more time.”

“I’ll be out in minutes.”

“So, you’re smoking?” he asked eye still on the road but you just nod not caring if he see it or not.

“It’s an addiction I developed when I couldn’t sleep or I had read the entire book.” Your eyes still on the road. You know the stigma people had for girls who smokes.But he didn’t throw you dirty looks or anything he just focused on the road.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to hand this to someone, I can’t decode the microchip. I had to admit, I’m bad at that kind of stuff.” He chuckeld.

“I thought you said we can’t trust anyone.”

“He’s in my team.”

You were tailing him closely inside a café walking to far back corner of the café where you can see a tall man waved at Seungyoun with a big smile on his face.

“Seungwoo.” Seungyoun called when the other guy pulls him into a welcoming hug. You just bowed to him and you saw he was confused for a minute before bowing back to you.

“Here.” Seungyoun slides the microchip to Seungwoo and he start to work on the microchip without a word.

“You want anything to eat?” Seungyoun asked with a soft voice that caught you off-guard. You look at him with wide eye and he looked slightly confused.

“What?” He asked when you looked surprised with the simple question.

“Black coffee.” You almost stuttered, but glad you didn’t.

“Okay.” He grinned then ruffled your head. His gesture made your heart flutter just like how it did when you kissed Wooseok for the first time. He seems to be shocked by his own gesture because he was staring at his hand for a moment before excusing himself to order your coffee leaving you alone with his friend. You played with your finger preventing yourself to ask any question distracting his work.

“You resemble his late girlfriend alot. I really thought that YooA came back to life when I saw you walked in.” You straighten your back because you didn’t know what to comment about that information. You just nod and was thinking whether to thank him or just shut up.

“Did he tell you about her?” You found he was already looking at you and you were shocked when you met his eyes.

Before you could answer him you heard someone was screaming. You recognize that scream, it was the same scream when you was at the hospital, it was like dejavu. Almost like a reflex, you pushed the table to your back and grab Seungwoo’s shoulder pulling him to the ground with you hiding behind the table when you heard a gunshot. Longer this time, multiple shots. The glass window shattered and the shooting just won’t stop. Your heart pounding so hard and you hands were shaking franticly.

“Seungyoun.”You whispered when you bravely peeked you head over the table to look for him. Which you regret instantly as you saw few dead body laying on the floor and stood three armed men one with machine gun you assumed. You lean back on the table and grab your chest. You’re on the verge of crying when you saw innocent people sprawled lifelessly on the floor.

“Hey are you okay.” Seungwoo grab your shoulder and shook your body when your breath starting to shakes as well. But before you could bring your sense back you heard a click. Way too close to your ear. Seungwoo face’s turning pale and he was looking over you.

“Now get up slowly both of you.” You heard a man’s voice from your back and you obeyed as Seungwoo put his hand up and you followed suit.

“You. Turn slowly facing me.” Your breath is still shaking as you turn your body slowly to face the owner of the voice. Your felt your hand itched to move disobeying your brain and you had to ball up you fist to take control of your hand before you do something stupid. You exhaled the breath that you had been holding when you could finally see his face with his gun pointing to your forehead. Twice in the pan of 24 hours. Your eyes were looking for Seungyoun and when you spot him, he was leaned to the counter clutching his ribs. He was shot and that scene of Seungyoun struggled to take cover besides the counter made your blood surged to tour head blurring your eyes. You saw another armed man walking toward him and pointed his gun to his head. You thought you almost faint but no. You did what you thought you only dare doing it in your dream.

You felt the same feeling when you’re at the hospital but stronger this time. Frustration, fear but mostly rage. You had this urgency to run to Seungyoun and save him. You saw how the shooter in front of you moving his thumb to pull the trigger but you beat him to it shoving his hand upward and he shot the ceiling instead distracting the one who was aiming Seungyoun. He was aiming his gun to you now, and Seungyoun was panic, he try move to stop the second shooter but couldn’t.

“Seungwoo get down.” You shouted as you elbowed the guy’s rib full force making him lower his body you saw the opportunity to snatch the gun away from his hand and you did. Shots are fired again and you used the dead man’s body to shield you from the shot and he was dead in instant. You grip his neck to keep him as your shield and you aimed to the second shooter, pulled the trigger and hit his head. The other guy was frantically tried to reload his machine gun and you let go of the man you’ve been holding to shot the last one.

“Back up, back up.” He shouts to the mic on his collar before you blow his head as well. Your chest heaved up and down heart pounding hard. You felt relieved, satisfied. You heard tire screech from afar and you know that was the ‘back up’ that the last guy had summoned. You throw the gun away and run to Seungyoun. You saw Seungwoo too running to the same direction.

“Are you an agent too?”Seungwoo asked eyeing you checking Seungyoun’ wound, he was shot on his lower abdomen and you were confident that the bullet didn’t any of his fatal organs. Seungyoun just stare at you in utter shock couldn’t find any words to say, any question to ask. He was waiting for your answer to Seungwoo’s question. He wanted to know too. Because he know that move, agility and precision.

“No. Where’s your car?”You didn’t look at him or Seungyoun and you were surprised yourself looking at how calm you are in that situation. It’s like someone else had taken over your body with your mind still conscious.  

“Y/N.” Seungyoun called. But you ignored him. You were busy looking for any cloth to press his wound to stop the bleeding.

“At the back.”Seungwoo noticed you were looking for something while he helps Seungyoun to sit.

“Do you have the chip?” He showed you his bag and you nod before looking at the car Seungyoun stole earlier. You’re still thinking about using that car because you left your bag inside but It was impossible to get to the car without being seen by those people.

“Take him to your car.”You ordered to Seungwoo because you can risk Seungyoun’s life for your personal stuff.

“What about you?” Seungwoo ask clearly not agreeing the idea of any of you left behind.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.” Seungyoun took a grip on your arm and you pulled away gently looking at him with an assuring smile.

“I’m taking my stuff in the car. Meet me at the hospital few blocks away. Wait for me at the ER.” You took off your jacket then your tee leaving only your sports bra and both men were in shock. You press his wound with you tee and put his hand over it asking him to put some pressure to stop the bleeding before letting it go, putting back your jacket and run out from the café to the car ignoring their protest.

You waited for a while until few black car came in sight. You waited until they saw you and sprinting with all your energy when they started chasing you to give Seungwoo and Seungyoun more time to escape.You escaped the chaser by hiding at the alley and blending in with people in the busy road. You didn’t know how but every movement that you made like it was involuntary. It’s like your body has a mind of its own. It’s like you had known every corner of the alley and the road. You couldn’t help to think that something was missing and you had found a fragment from the shattered memories you had lost. The one that you swore to Wooseok that you will never try to find.

You rushed to the ER and your guess was right, nobody paid any attention to you, the ER was hectic, a chaos you would say, nurses and doctor rushed to one bed to another, few patients was left on the wheelchair unattended. You took the opportunity to sneak into the storage room to take everything you need to treat Seungyoun’s wound and rush out unnoticed running as fast as you can to Seungwoo’s car that was already waiting for you at the waiting area. You were greeted by glares from Seungyoun who was leaned on the back seat and Seungwoo drove away leaving the hospital before anyone notice.

***

“Are you sure you’re not an agent Y/N?” Seungwoo asked again after you done treating Seungyoun’s wound and sedated him so he can sleep.

“Yes Seungwoo. I am hundred percent sure.” You take the seat opposite to him on the couch. You’re at his mother’s house which is vacant since his mother decided to move back to their hometown. He said that it’s safe for them to crash there. But only for a while.

“Where did you get all the swift moves and how do you know how to use guns?” He asked again suspiciously.

“I’m working for the crime forensic. I used to train with the police because it’s necessary when your work is associated with crime and the police.” You explained try to convince him. Because it was the truth. You’re not the best and never once you shot anyone or did anything like you did at the café before. You never were in such situation before. You never had the courage. But seeing Seungyoun on the floor triggered something inside you, but you don’t know what is it that had been triggered that gives you so much courage to shot someone like that. Seungwoo just give you a long sigh.

“You did well though. Thank you for saving us.” You looked at him and he seems like giving to ask you more question. You lay on the couch waiting for Seungyoun to wake up while Seungwoo went to see their boss to report about the microchip. You fell asleep with ease that afternoon.

  AN: This is by far my favorite fics that I ever written, I have tons of action fics in my draft that I never had the chance to finish because I ran out of idea. So I won’t make this one long and will only make two parts because I’m afraid that my mind went blank again. Feel free to like and repost and I hope you enjoy it. Part two is almost halfway done. Please, enjoy.

[amazingphanisnotonfireaesthetic]

Some of you will be mad, but i have to say it

TW: Gun Violence-Alcohol- Talks of racism, homphobia, nazis, and transphobia-Guns/Gun violence-Police/Police Brutality-The Holocaust-Onision-Assult-Gun Violenve-Shootings-Others.

- getting drunk contsantly isn't cute, it's just not, and sometimes it's really worriying

- if you say that They/them singular pronouns are grammatically incorrect you are just straight up wrong

- people don't understand that if police racially-charged violence wasn't happening it wouldn't be an issue. Yes, there are some good cops, but god are there so many more that use a job that should be an honorable thing and turn it into a power-feeding ego-trip to hide their biggotry

-To the people who say climate change isn't a problem, i hope you know you are the reason our grandchildren probably wont make it to retirement age before the planet is horrible to live on

- Not everyone needs and AR-15, not everyone likes guns, people are terrified of guns because of how much gun violence there is, and making fun of a woman who said she held and AR-15 and didn't like it doesn't make you cool, it makes you look like an asshole

- It is not anyone's right to tell someone that they are not valid and that they are not trans, unless you are that person, doesn't matter if you're cis or trans.

- Making fake homophobic posts about people, like what happened to Millie Bobbie Brown (which is now happening to Greta Thunburg), isn't cool or funny, and can actually hurt someone's career

- Not everyone can afford to go green and go vegetarian/vegan, and you need to get over that fact unless you want to help those people.

-Not all zoo's/animal sanctuaries are abusive and some house animals that literally wouldn't survive in the wild because they were never in it and their parents weren't or they are too injured.

- You have no right to tell someone that being LGBTQ+ can't be part of their personality

- Those "pro-leave people the fuck alone" types of people are usually the most bigoted people

- The Confederate flag is LITERALLY another countries flag, a country that seperated because they wanted slave, amongst probably other things(that also doesn't exist). So waving it around in the name of "american pride" is just wrong and makes you look racist.

-Nazi's are literally horrible and deserve the worst. People need to realise that the holocaust was something horrible and not minor at all. Someone in a groupchat I'm in once say "jewish people are over the holocaust, so we should be too" (paraphrasing, i don't remember it because it made me so mad) which is literally the most stupid thing i have heard someone say, and he said this because we had a holocaust remberance assemby at my school.

- Onision is god awful and should be in jail, enough said

- Telling someone they can't be loved until they love themselves makes someone not love themselve more because it implies that no one loves them.

- Let kids go through fases where they get really hyperfixated on something they find cool, let them go through ther "emo fase", or their "anime fase". Stop telling kids they shouldn't persue what makes them happy.

- If there is a fellow student in your class who you think is going to do something bad like a shooting, murder, assult of any kind or you think they are genuinely a Nazi//terrorist//cult member//racist/homophobe/transphobe with the intent of a hate crime, talk to a guidence councillor or a trusted teacher/adult about it, don't just sit back and let them be the "scary quiet kid", they might need help, be that help

-rasict jokes aren't funny, and you need to stop making jokes on behalf of asian people, because jokes against them are so normalized they're woven into people's dialect and conversation, and it needs to stop.

- A non-japanese person liking japanese culture doesn't inherently make them a weeaboo, y'all are just angry about everything

- Someone liking Kpop, Kdramas, and S. Korean culture doesn't make them a Koreaboo and calling a normal kpop fan a koreaboo is so so fucking rude, it implies a tone of cultural appropriation and ignorance that a normal, leval-headed fan doesn't have

- BTS didn't pave the way, yes, they have been a big impact on kpop, but they did not single handedly make kpop popular and mainstream

- Drake is a creep

- Chris Brown tried to kill rhianna and y'all just forgot? Okay then...

-Dear Tumblr, not all men are horrible, worthless, pigs who want nothing but sex, please get over yourselves.

If you need help dealing with alcoholism, harmful throughts, or anger issues, please seek out help.

[butchdaydreams]

I'm going to ask you all the numbers questions again :)

Femme or butch?- I’m a butch who usually has a thing for femmes 

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it- I’m not sure if I have a type or not, but I do know that I definitely have a thing for girls who wear glasses

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?- Plaid button ups because I dont like the way leather smells

Describe your style- In the winter I wear corduroy pants and sweaters and in the summer its almost exclusively cargo shorts and t-shirts

Describe your aesthetic- House plants and aquarium dates and rainbow sherbert made into a soda float using sprite and milk

Favorite article of clothing?- Either my glasses because they both make me super attractive and they are functional, or by gay stompin’ boots because I love how gay they make me feel

Favorite pair of shoes?- My stompin’ boots for sure

Current haircut?- Short but needs to be cut again because I’m starting to border on an early Justin Bieber style

Any haircut goals for the future? I just need to shave it off again and I’ll be good

Describe the best date you’ve been on- For our 6 month anniversary I took my ex to the art museum near where we lived, and then we went to dinner afterwards and I could tell that I made her feel very loved with what I did

Describe the worst date you’ve been on- I don’t think I’ve had a truly bad date

Single? Taken?- I think I’m single but its complicated 

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!- N/A I think

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?- I want her to care about me and to look at me like I mean something to her, I want her to let me do dumb things like make her blueberry pancakes on the weekends and cuddle me when we sleep, and I want her to let me love her with my whole heart

Describe your dream wedding- I want to get married in the traditional sense but in like a casual traditional sense if that makes sense

Do you want kids?- I do, I love kids but I would want to adopt or foster instead of having them myself

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?- I like it where I am, I love being near a city without being in one

Favorite lesbian movie?- But I’m A Cheerleader because every one of those girls were so attractive to me back in high school 

Favorite lesbian novel/story?- I haven’t found any good day books, if you have a recommendation then I’m all ears

Favorite lesbian song?- Stop Desire by Tegan and Sara

Favorite lesbian musician?- Hayley Kiyoko because I am predicable

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?- I’m a raging man hating dyke if you haven’t been able to tell

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?- No, I have the opposite problem where people think I am dating all of my friends just because we are both gay

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?- I like the traditional and cheesy things, like I want to go on a date before I kiss someone or become their girlfriend and I like flowers and being taken on a date and I like being told nice things about myself and basically I am just a self absorbed cheese ball

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?- Getting to date girls and ignore men is a definite perk

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?- I like both but dogs

Turn ons?- Praise, teasing, being told how to touch someone, being told that they want me to touch them, turning a girl into a mess, begging, edging and denial, overstimulation, and turning her on 

Turn offs?- Most bodily fluids like spit or blood or pee, and anything that is extremely violent 

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?- I used to wait but then I waited 20 years and nothing happened so I ask people out now

What is your dream career?- I am going to be a high school science teacher

Talk about your interests or hobbies!- My main interests revolve around video games and pokemon mostly

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?- Honesty and kindness

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?- It takes me a while to warm up but after I trust them then the flood gates are down and I am in love almost instantly 

Ever fallen for your best-friend?- Yes, I was in love with her for three years before she found out I was gay and now she wont speak to me 

Ever fallen for a straight girl?- Yes, too many to count

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)- I never got into it

Favorite comfort food?- I love chicken nuggets and mac and cheese and anything that brings back those feelings of being an innocent child

Coffee or tea?- Tea, I drink one (1) metric ton of tea each day

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?- None of the above

Do you have any pets?- Not at the moment, but at times I keep fish in my room

Early-riser or night-owl?- I used to be an early riser but have turned into a night owl and I’m trying to get back to how I was

What is your sign?- Aquarius

Can you drive?- I can, and not to be too much of a dyke but I also drive a stick shift

Who was your first lesbian crush?- The above straight best friend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?- I think I knew in 7th grade but shoved it down until 10th grade when I decided that I was a bi person who was asexual, and then in 12th grade after going through about 12 other labels I now call myslef a lesbian

At what age did you come out (if you have)?- I came out to friends in my freshman year of college but my parents still dont know

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?- I am, and I know she likes me too so thats good I guess

Talk about how your day went- I woke up at 1:00 in the afternoon, which was 10 minutes before my 4 hour lab, I transplanted some genetically modified plants and separated some chloroplasts from their cells and finished an essay. Nothing too fun

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future- I dont know why, but I’m craving domestic things and blueberry pancakes at the moment

Least favorite gay celebrity?- Ellen DeGeneres 

[grattificationnation-blog]

sick like me

How does one stay away from pain medication if sometimes they wake up unable to bend any joint, move any limb and the nerve pain inside some joints feels like they’re burning from the inside? The constant battle between the perpetuating doom that is waking up when it’s raining and cold is absolute hell for one single person to commit to. It’s like knowingly walking into a burning building not having a choice when your entire body is on fire yet you have to perform everyday duties as a mother and wife that you have to choice but to wake up and participate in life. There’s no cure, for lupus, there’s no cure for fibromiyalgia, so when you have it and you’re an addict you’re basically fucked unless you want to become a vegan or cut out sugar, gluten, carbs, dairy, junk food (which is basically sugar gluten and carbs so scratch that) and even if you change your whole diet you still can’t escape the nerve pain fully so you’re doomed to be on 10 different kinds of medications, anti inflamatory, non-narcotic pain killers (so the ones that aren’t any fun) any kind of medication that’s going to somehow take away from the swelling the sharp pains the aches all of it. So even if you can change your entire diet, meaning trying to change the diets of 3 children and your oh so patiently willing spouse on top of that, and I’m a meat eater, junk food eating, sugar loving, cover me in bacon and butter my bread kind of girl so.. it just feels impossible for me.

So just imagine you’re in your mid/late 20′s okay (for those of you who aren’t even there yet it’s sort of like being all grown up and you shouldn’t have serious problems yet) you have the body of someone of that age, you look perfectly normal (aside from the swelling in your ankles, wrists, knees, and fingers) on the outside so no way could you be considered someone with a physical disability, BUT BAM! you walk up the stairs and your knee blows out like you’re a 90 year old woman! you struggle to walk up stairs, to put your hair in a high pony, to even type in your blog without being in at least a mild amount of pain. On top of that, because you’re someone who doesn’t look like there’s anything physically wrong with you on the outside, you’re immediately called out as if you’re a liar, like you’re making excuses to be lazy, like you’re trying to get attention and they basically say “it’s all in your head” and you’re a crazy person who just likes to complain or some bullshit in that area of ass hole-ish things to say to someone who has LITERALLY what they call an invisible illness.. and not just one but 2 of them. Ignorance is bliss my friends. How are you expected to deal with that every single day of your life, it’s like impending doom, like you’re destined to be in pain for the REST OF YOUR LIFE and there’s not a whole lot of options for dealing with it that’s going to be anything less than a total lifestyle change or a total pain in the fucking ass. 

I don’t know I’m just frustrated I suppose, venting like the little bitchy girl I feel like right now. Of course I’m my worst critic as well, so even if my hubby is totally supportive of me having to stay in bed all day and being totally useless, I’m so hard on myself and can’t help but totally shred any justification apart in no time at all, like girl you’re a lazy disgusting piece of shit get out of bed. yes yes I know it’s agony but if you don’t you’re going to be judged, by who you ask? ..... who cares gtfo of bed before your man decides to leave you because you’re a lazy bitch since he can’t feel the horrific pain you’re in right now! It’s like god DAMN inner cunt give me a break! I watched my mother lay in bed pop pills and smoke her life away for most of my entire child hood, aside from when she would get back from treatment and actually attempt to take care of herself, but other than that I had no mom.. so I guess a part of me is scared of turning into that kind of mom. I vowed to always throw random dance parties for my kids, to make sure I’m there all the time, there meaning present mentally when I’m there I’m there, to “never turn into my mother” ... but now that I’m older, now that I have one of the same auto immune diseases that she does I actually understand why she was the way she was and the reasons behind her insanity. I’m not justifying her not putting any effort into parenting and closing herself off to the world because by ALL MEANS that is beyond unhealthy, and not okay. I’m just saying, being in pain every single day even on good days, it’s enough to get you down and enough to make you give up. 

I refuse to let it define who I am, I refuse to allow my illness to run my life, I went through addiction and allowed a substance to control whether or not I was going to get out of bed that day, or do anything with my family so no. I refuse to allow an illness to render me to be unfit, someone who is controlled by the amount of pain they’re in, someone who uses their health as an excuse to be an addict, or be depressed or allow it to completely take over. I REFUSE. I just have to keep telling myself that it’s not going to go away, I know it wont.. I know it’s something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, that I can change my diet if I need to (which is going to happen in time) but that it takes one step at a time even if it’s a baby step I will put one foot in front of the other every single day, even if some of those are spent crawling, I will get to where I need to be and I won’t let it control my life. I will be strong, even if some days I’m not on the outside I will allow my heart to give me strength I will allow my family to support me when I feel weak, I wont be afraid to ask for help, I wont just give up at the first sign of intensity. There’s more strength inside me than anyone I have ever met, I know I am a boss ass bitch and if my body wants to give out if it wants to be a 90 year old lady some days that’s perfectly fine. I will walk with my bad ass walker, maybe even deck out one of those scooters, slap some rims on that bitch and hold my head high because I’m a lady, and I can do absolutely anything. Body on fire, or not.

[justdictatorshipthings]

2019, looking back

Here is a list of all things cool, not so cool, and honorable mentions of 2019. If i forget anything, it isn’t personal, it was a big year.

Elon Musk and the team at tesla for their augmented reality mars lander (aka the cyber truck).

The FAA for proving why they have the highest standards in aviation safety.

Google being cubit thugs. (boooo)

I should say trump for beating all odds and making it to the next election year, but im going to do a time and give it to the resistance for realizing we don’t live in a democracy.

The EU for their breast cancer fighting collaboration network.

China for removing mandatory sentencing of people caught working as prostitutes, or those that use their services. (China probably deserves more recognition, but this was the most recent).

Huawei for being a world player with class, very interested to see what they do next.

The alternative to the swift payment system for the middle east (iran).

Wikileaks for debunking the Syrian gas narrative (syrians have suffered enough).

Chelsea Manning for having incredibly high standards as an activist, you will never be forgotten.

Hillary Clinton for making the most of life despite not making it to the white house (again).

Tulsi Gabbard for proving that it isn’t easy to be both a minority and a woman in politics, showing that unless you are willing to compromise your values no one is willing to treat you fairly. Not only does she prove how hard it is, she doesn’t make it about all of these things. She just gets up and fights again rather than being a victim.

Best game developer of the year, ubisoft, they don’t always make great masterpieces, but they do make quality games that are good value for money. They were also proud to be ahead of everyone when it comes to diversity and inclusion.

Best game was probably Metro Exodus, there are probably better ones, but in the end i guess i did enjoy exploring the world a little more. I didn’t have much time for games (what that even this year?)

My favorite film was Midsommer, well worth a re-watch for all of the hidden details in it, i’m still all a bit what did i just watch. It was clever.

Nightingale kind of deserves a mention also. I wont deny that was disturbing. But i guess in terms of a graphic reproduction of my experience set in colonial Australia, it was fair.

I didn’t have a favorite tv show, but mini series by far would have been Chernobyl.

Despite some differences, RT really did well creating their own narrative that actually did challenge the MSM.

The online version of The Age for being fair and seeing the positives, this does not include the printed version of their age, and their sections that deal with culture, food, art, entertainment, etc. Sorry.

Best song was Timlapse by Mr Moon Feat Mey. This was a good sound, takes me back to the baleric days, but it still has a mainland european chill out compilation feel to it.

Best new talent, not entirely new but Matt Fax is looking promising. Its funny his greece 2000 remix made him in to a meme. If you combine his meme, and the cover of the release, you will see what i am talking about.

Taylor Swift deserves a mention for trying to set a good example. I never said fame and religion mixed well, but you try. (Which not many do)

Cardi B for her sanders interview this was cool. I don’t want to make a big issue out of this, but Sanders for having a heart attack and attending a debate a few days later. I was sorry to hear about that.

The freeing of those pesky Reuters journalists.

Madrid (spain) for pulling the climate conference that no one else could host off. Well done for making that happen. I still personally disagree with the harsh sentences of the Catalonians, when compared to the less harsh sentences of the infamous wolf pack. But this is why the next one:

To the Catalonians for going to the EU and making a fair case, doing their independence the right way and not throwing everything in to chaos.

The many Indian nationals that are fighting for women's rights, i find it embarrassing that the other issue that won’t even get a mention is of more concern to the government while as this one, which has been an issue for some time, doesn’t get the attention it deserves.

The independent for its articles on the need to improve medicine and treatments for women. I think i got this one right its in my twitter from around about then.

Also a mention to the women that sued the makers of those pelvic mesh abominations. I hope that the medical community takes this seriously and a better solution is found.

VW for admitting a mistake and trying to do better.

All of those new vegan meat alternatives, if you are in to that kind of thing, but it may one day be our only option.

My cat pascal, sorry that guy deserves to be in here to.

Cassandra for buying the LOL unboxing set instead of the LOL Chalet though im sure she was tempted.

The dad of Ms thunburg, for admitting that her daughter was happy, most likely because she realized that she was smart and not someone on the autistic spectrum (yes of course and for being my hero and finding a way to skip school while doing something that contributes to our society). I will say false or incorrect diagnoses can have a profound affect on someones life.

The many people who are bringing peace in this world, i’m sorry i don’t remember all of your names. Maybe i will do more to focus on these people in the new year.

To our Australian firefighters for being left with the unfortunate job of being caught up in all of this.

To all activists even if we don’t agree.

To tim minchin for his 70k donation to help refugees. you know tim, to be accurate with what you should have done, it should have been 7 million (6 zeros not 4) given the whole point of stalking me is to keep this accurate because if you don’t the world will collapse, isn’t it? Yeah i still think you deserve credit for the 70k.

The theys that came back in to my life. And the theys that are still in my life the legal way.

Thats all i can think of for now. Maybe more later. God Bless. Happy new year. I hope the year of 2020, which represents the 2020 year we are mourning for jesus’s passing, is a good example of why we want to avoid doing this. Amen.

[revol-lover]

lil vent about the hypocrisy of my super religious family members 

so. my dads side of the fam is extremely religious (catholic). like one of my uncles is a deacon even. they’re intense. and judgey. 

one of my cousins, who herself is extremely extremely judgemental of people who don’t live up to the same supposed morale code as herself, is pregnant. that would be, pregnant and unwed. not engaged to the dude or anything. this is the same girl who is vehemently prolife and shares slut shaming things like “if U dOnT wAnT a BaBy kEeP uR lEgS cLoSeD”. i was genuinely shocked when i heard because i mean she’s just one of those people who thinks everyone should live by the rules of her particular religion and like clearly she didnt lol. but anyway at the same time whatever good for her? she loves kids, has always expressed her desire to have lots of kids, and is that person on that side of the family that all the little kids cling to and want to hang with,  so i’m sure she’s happy to some degree! or at least! deserves to be, right?

but apparently the fam didnt take it well. and they’re just being awful. making fun of her because she’s no longer vegan since she became pregnant. and no one wants to give her a baby shower, so shes throwing her own. and one of my aunts made a comment about her eating a lot (she’s fucking pregnant!) and she should watch it to which the deacon uncle said something along the lines of her bf aint cute himself so it doesnt matter if she lets herself go. but the kicker is  and she wants to move in w her bf but her family *wont* *let* *her* because he should man up and marry her ..... but like shes 27?!!!???!??

for the record i only know all this because i had to pick something up for my julia at my parents house and i casually brought up that my cousin asked me for my address and i asked if my mom thought it was for a baby shower, like was she throwing her own or what and my mom just spilled all this tea

but isnt that kind of ridiculous though? i mean. im not surprised at how they’re all acting. going to church every sunday doesnt make you a good person at all but damn. they’re really going to treat her like an outcast or try to tell an adult woman who is almost 30 that she “cant” move in w her bf/father of her child?!

i don’t particularly care for this cousin but i really feel awful for her. like...she should be able to enjoy her pregnancy and celebrate it still. no one deserves to made to feel outcasted for getting pregnant unwed. i get that they’re religious and dont “believe” in that but like.. it happened. get over it. let the woman live her life and make her decisions. i’m not religious and i havent read their bible but like.. i feel as though jesus would not be too fond of the way they’re treating her. isnt the right thing to do, as family, is offer her love and support and encouragement? not make her feel like an outcast, take away the joy of her pregnancy and on top of it try to control her living situation????

 i really hope she just does her own damn thing and moved in w her bf if thats what she wants. idk how the fuck my family members think they have any business telling a 27 year old woman who hold ups her own job and supports herself that she isn’t allowed to move out of her parents home into a place with the father of her unborn child..

idk its just wild to me. 

but these are the same people who pray for people like me because i dont go to church lmao 🙃  i mean damn i do not go to church but i do immediately congratulate my pregnant cousin and offer my support if she ever needs someone to talk to even though we rarely talk to begin with. and i mean it. its not that hard to not be an asshole.

[megwaynebrundell]

Holland 2017

13 September 2017 (Meg) The alarm went off at 1am last Thursday morning waking us rudely from a very deep sleep that had only started 90 minutes earlier. At 1.30 we were showered dressed and waiting outside for the taxi to drive us to th airport. I've said it before but feel the need to say it again, I will only get out of bed before 600 to catch a plane, otherwise it just hurts too much.

The flight, unusually seemed to pass quickly, Emirates classic music collection was so nostalgic with about 35% of it being from my misspent youth.

I dipped in and out of sleep with the reassuring sounds from favourite Uncles Leonard, Neil and Boz, mixed in with some Pink Floyd and some old fashioned 80's funk, which spirited me back to an earlier carefree time. I admit to being grateful for the noise cancelling earphones so that I could grab a bit of rest without being disturbed by crying babies.  I have a very primal reaction to crying babies particularly when sleep deprived and I get really judgmental so not hearing them is better for every one.

Blurry eyed a weary we stumbled our way through Dutch customs out into the world to wait for the bus to take us to the hotel. I immediately recognise the familiar smell of Holland to me it's a mixture of cigarettes, vaping and marijuana. Everyone was completely relaxed when a middle aged woman wearing a hijab quietly lit up a doobie.

I love the Dutch, they are so tall and comfortable in the space they occupy, they are direct and look you in the eye when speaking to you, they have their own vibrant boho style and are really good looking, I love that they don't seem to know that.

Another thing that I love about the Dutch is that most of them speak English, to some degree even to each other. For example, I heard this Dutch guy talking to his mates, the other day, they were all animatedly talking about I don't know what ( it was all Dutch to me)  they were laughing and joking with each other as they went, he stopped them all  saying very seriously " I shit you not" before taking off again in Dutch and disappearing around the corner.

Not long after we arrived, we were actually waiting for the bus to transport us to our hotel in Amsterdam, the rain started.

AMSTERDAM RAIN

We stayed the second night I Nijmegen, feeling tired and wired we ate at the little Turkish diner across the road, having eaten there a coupe of times last year and loved it.

We were just staring our first course when a couple of young men walked in and up to the counter, loudly asking the server "Do you speak English ?" Before she could answer or offer him a menu he announced ( again way too loudly)" you wont have anything for me here I"m a vegan, so Ill just have a black coffee!"

(Yes I'm aware this is a nasty insensitive and judgemental stereotype. Please don't get me wrong, I know a few vegans, some of my best friends are vegan, lots of our family are vegan, Wayne and I have experimented with veganism occasionally, even our favourite daughter is a vegan! So I am aware that not all Vegans are wankers.)

It's worth pointing out that at this point we were having soup, mine was roasted tomato (vegan) and Wayne's was lentil (also vegan)  served with a huge basket of  warm Turkish bread ( you've guessed it also vegan) if this fella had bothered looking he might have seen that there was a reasonable selection of vegan foods on the menu.

If he only wanted coffee why didn't he just ask for a coffee like his slightly embarrassed mate behind him did a bit later?

But that's not the point is it..... if he didn't announce that he was a vegan how would everyone know and how on earth will they know that he was morally superior to them?

I shit you not........