#like when he finally breaks a bit after being tackled by the shadow versions of the others

[lunar-wandering]

thinking about the fact that MK was probably really REALLY close to going monkey mode during the shadowplay episode...

[deadlyflames]

Swanfire Month Day 14: Classic fairy-tale that reminds you of Swanfire: Orpheus and Eurydice

Emma was a poor girl. You might say she was touched by the gods. She would to bring the world back into tune, and fix what was wrong.

Baelfire was a hungry young boy. A runaway from everywhere he’d ever been. He was no stranger to world, no stranger to the wind.

It's a love song. It's a tale of a love from long ago.

It's a sad song. We keep singing even so.

It's an old song. It's an old tale from way back when.

And we're gonna sing it again and again.

This one is a bit of a weird connection. You can blame my obsession with Hadestown. I drew a lot of comparisons between Orpheus and Eurydice and Emma and Neal. Both work in either role. But I went with this interpretation.

I have this very specific image of a Swanfire version of the Underworld storyline. Like, it’s so easy for me to picture that arc being done for Swanfire. I mean, Rumplestilskin would obviously help Emma get to the Underworld for his son. Henry would follow for his dad. Regina would follow for Henry and Snowing would follow for their daughter. Even Hook would go with them for Baelfire.

But I think a really interesting way they could have used the Swanfire relationship in the Underworld was for Emma to do the Orpheus test. Because it makes so much sense for them.

(I think that’s what they were trying to reference with the true love test? Maybe? but it fell kinda flat in my opinion, but that’s a whole other thing)

Because it’s a test of trust and with their history, that trust was shaky, and still in the process of being rebuilt.

Just picture it though.

Emma walking through the dark.

She can’t look behind her and, for added uncertainty, Neal can’t speak either.

You can hear the echoing of footsteps and you can see the shadow behind her, but it’s uncertain. Maybe it’s a trick. Maybe it’s not.

Maybe he only said he would be behind her because he wanted to get her out of the Underworld.

She’s talking about all the hurt she felt after he abandoned her. All the pain they’ve gone through since they reunited. How he broke her heart and how she’s not even sure if he’s there now.

From Emma’s perspective, her and Neal are always being separated by powers beyond their control. When he left her when they were young, because of her destiny and his father’s curse. When he fell through the portal after being shot. When the curse was erased and they were ripped from each other again.

Why should this be any different?

It takes all her strength not to look behind her. To take that leap and believe that this will work.

When she’s just about to exit the underworld and return to the world above, she hits that pivotal fork in the road.

She can let her doubt take route, and turn to look behind. She can loose him one final time, and this time will be for good. But it will be the last time she gets her heart broken.

Or she can continue on. She can reach across all that hurt between them, and put her trust in him once again. She can open her heart up, even though letting him in risks the chance of losing him again.

The trust vs doubt dichotomy would be so interesting to tackle. Because that kind of blind faith is something that Emma has always struggled with, and it would be especially relevant to her relationship with Neal. It either ends in tragedy or a happy ending. I would lean towards happy ending because I feel like Emma choosing trust would be a good moment of growth.

Xxxx

Though the tragedy angle would break me. Can y’all freaking imagine. Emma turning back and Neal is there. She’s stunned and horrified.

“It’s you?”

He’s shocked but gives her a broken, comforting smile before he fades away.

“It’s me.”

Emma’s next arc is about the aftermath of guilt and grief. And then we all cry forever.

Anyway, sorry this part of the post was totally incoherent. The Underworld plot was a total missed opportunity. Hadestown is great, listen to it if you wanna cry.

[theravennest]

Let’s Talk About Shang Chi...

I just got back from seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. I had a great time with it. Just a lovely experience.

The fights were dope. The music was rocking. The actors’ performances really sold me on everything. I loved all the Xianxia elements. Y’all know fantasy worlds are my JAM!

But it was the characters that really drew me in. Every one of them were pitch perfect for me. The final act got a little jumbled, imo, but the characters and their dynamics were so good that it was enough for me to completely forgive and overlook the somewhat messy final battle. 

The story had a lot of heart. It was so personal and so anchored in real emotions. I highkey fell in love with all the main characters. I love their journeys and their complex  and grounded relationships with each other. I really liked the movie’s examination of grief, loss, and pain and the lengths people will go to in the wake of being overwhelmed by those feelings.

Let’s dig into it! This is gonna be a whole discombobulated mess, I just know it. lmao

***Spoilers below the cut!***

I really felt for Shang Chi, Xialing, and Wenwu struggling to figure out how to be a family again after they were all broken in different ways by the loss of Mama Ying Li. And each one of them trying in their own way to heal from it, some to extremely destructive degrees. 

How Wenwu treated his kids after being consumed by grief and violence was so utterly messed up but in two completely different ways. 

He treated Xialing like she was anathema, like she was literally nothing. Even when they were older and she had grown into an adult, he barely spoke to her in the entirety of the movie, could hardly even look at her. Partially because she looked like her mom and he retreated utterly from the pain of that, and partially because he constantly underestimated her in favor of her brother. This, of course, seeded the resentful tension between Xialing and Shang Chi from the start.

I’m a real sucker for sibling dynamics, as you all know. They’re my favorite types of family-oriented stories. (Side note, I really love the way the MCU has dedicated several stories to sibling relationships. It’s like my favorite thing in the MCU as a whole.)

I completely ate up the harsh and tricky relationship between Xialing and Shang Chi. Shang Chi completely let her down when they were kids, for her POV. (Not really his fault, he was a scared and traumatized 15 year old. Totally understandable.) But there is something to be said about the fact that she was also a child. A child dealing with her mom’s death too AND her dad’s aloofness. Then she was utterly abandoned by her brother. It’s no wonder she never quite forgives him, even though they mostly team up in the movie. They still have a lot to work out between them.

I really loved that she took on leadership of the Ten Rings at the end. The moment Shang Chi said she was “dismantling” their dad’s empire, I knew what was up. Though, the softy in me does hope that eventually they can find true reconciliation between them. I’m excited to see what we’ll see from her in future movies as a potential enemy of Shang Chi. It’ll be really interesting to see how Shang Chi tackles having to go up against his little sister.

And Shang Chi!!! OMG! Let’s talk Shang Chi and Wenwu now. When Wenwu drop kicked him into the ground and started the blame game for Mama Ying Li’s death like bro!!! I was so heated. He was 7 years old. A whole baby! She died because your thousand years of violence and conquering shit finally came home to roost. 

But that one line when Wenwu said Shang Chi’s 7 year old self “just stood there and watched” while his mom was killed actually revealed so much about Wenwu’s character. (The cutting way Tony Leung, a literal legend, delivered that was masterful, btw.) 

I actually think that it was the first time Wenwu has ever verbalized that he blamed Shang Chi for Ying Li’s death. Like maybe he’s always felt that way and all this time he was partially punishing Shang Chi for what he thinks of as a failure to protect or help the woman who meant so much to them.

Like, yes, he was training Shang Chi to take his place with him in the Ten Rings as an assassin but maybe he also wanted Shang Chi to kill his mom’s murderer as penance for letting her die in the first place.

Of course, it’s clear to see that Wenwu was absolutely shifting his own feelings of conflicting guilt onto his kids. Guilt that his past as a warlord is what got her killed. But also guilt that he put down the Ten Rings in the first place when if he had stayed a warlord, this never would have happened. But also the bone deep knowledge that if he hadn’t put down the Rings, Ying Li might never have stayed with him and loved him in the first place.

When Shang Chi threw it back at him that Ying Li probably wouldn’t love the person Wenwu had returned to, Wenwu looked so shook up. Phew! Perfect emoting from Tony Leung in that moment.

Honestly, Wenwu was having a very tragic and confusing time of it in this movie. Which is probably how that creature from beyond was able to find a crack in his psychic defenses and lure him to the gate. I had a lot of empathy for him even though I disagree so much with what he did to his kids, emotionally.

I really respect the fact that the movie never lost that sense of compassion for all of their feelings including Wenwu. I also respect that the movie really gave them space to grieve not just the loss of Ying Li but also the resulting dissolution of their happy family.

It’s just too bad that Wenwu’s grief made him push his kids away instead of pulling them closer. He completely emotionally abandoned them. A thousand years of power and supremacy yet he was broken because he never in that time fully learned how to process his emotions in a healthier way and his kids paid the price. They could’ve leaned on each other and on the love they found with Ying Li to help them get through but alas that’s the tragedy of the movie. 

I really wanted somehow for Shang Chi to make it through to his dad before he went too far to come back again. I genuinely did not want to see Wenwu die at the end. I wanted him to live and see Shang Chi’s changing dynamic with his father continue. I wanted to see him finally acknowledge his daughter as his true heir and see her accomplishments (dark though they will likely become considering the “softer” version of her is the one that ran an illegal fight club in Macao lmao).

Though I am happy Shang Chi got through to him enough at the end for Wenwu to save Shang Chi’s life, willingly pass the rings onto his son, and somewhat accept his own death after a thousand years of life. That was such a poignant moment between them. And I wonder if in that instant, Wenwu had the thought that in dying he’d at least see Ying Li again.

(Side note: I really hope his soul and the souls of everyone that got eaten were freed when Shang Chi killed the monster. I really want them to be able to move on to the next phase of existence. I really hope they weren’t destroyed after being eaten. I want Wenwu to reunite with Ying Li even in the afterlife, gotdamnit! Sue me, I’m a romantic.)

Let’s talk Simu Liu’s performance here for one second. He was incredible throughout. I completely bought into this strange but so real feeling that while he has a lot of anger towards his father, so much hurt, he also felt a lot of heartache and love for who Shang Chi wanted him to be. And the strange desire to want to help a man who emotionally scarred him so badly.

Simu really brought both sides of Shang Chi’s journey to life. Like, he was tying to find his own path, reconcile with the mistakes he’s made in the past (his sister, killing his mom’s murderer), and facing up against his father’s ideals and expectations. But there was also a side of Shang Chi’s journey that was about finally understand both his sister and his father’s point of views, and of learning/embracing his mother’s history. 

That moment by the lake when he revealed to Katy that he had actually killed the man who killed his mother. Whew boy! The emotions were so poignant. Simu Liu played it like *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

Speaking of character choices, I really rate this decision to have him actually go through with the assassination. It puts Shang Chi in an interesting position emotionally and somewhat morally. Instead of having his breaking point be him unable to kill as his father wishes, it’s instead the feeling of guilt and shame that he actually did kill the man.

I wonder if he felt a sense of satisfaction before the disgust and shame settled in. Because Shang Chi literally watched his mom die, he probably initially wanted to help his father hunt down the man because of that bit of dark need for vengeance. Until he got it, and felt ashamed to fully face his mother’s memory afterwards.

I’m interested to see how future Shang Chi movies and Simu will dig into and unpack that little bit of darkness these events instilled in the character.

Let’s talk Ying Li for a second here. This woman was incredible. An incredible martial artist, for sure, a mystical guardian and warrior...but she was also just an incredible person in general. Mama Ying Li was so self-assured, so steadfast in her convictions. She struck me as someone who knows exactly what she wants and is never afraid to reach for it.

Fala Chen portrayed her with such grace, warmth, and strength of character. It was extremely easy to see why Wenwu fell in love with her. She met Wenwu, a literal thousand year old warlord, and through shear strength of character led him to put down his weapons and his empire to make a home with her.

This man threw away his entire shadow army of assassins, threw away his whole plan to literally demolish her village in the pursuit of power...in order to play Dance Dance Revolution with her and their kids. (The highlight of their romance and the family flashbacks, for me, tbh.) 

And I know it’s not necessarily...positive BUT there is something...hmmmm, crunchy in the fact that Ying Li so completely altered Wenwu’s life by simply loving him that when she died he was willing to raze the whole world to get her back, damn the consequences.

Trying to properly explore toxic and negative turns in previously loving family dynamics is such a difficult task to take on. I really liked the complexity of the Xu family. All the actors really sold the family side of things. It was an almost tangible thing how much you could see how the love they felt had turned bitter and painful over the years.

The final battle was epic and mind blowing (There was a fucking DRAGON flying around for gods’ sake!) but I do wish it had stayed a little more grounded for longer in the beginning of it when the Ten Rings were fighting the Ta Lo warriors. I wanted to see more of that fight before they had the turn to becoming temporary allies against the soul suckers. It became a little too much of a CGI mash, for me, in some parts of it.

Still, the emotional beats held and the core of the story of this grieving family trying to hold on to the tatters of their world stayed consistent even through the final battle. I can forgive a lot because of the strong sense of character and connection there.

Plus, it’s a comic book movie. Spectacle is the name of the game and at least this one had cool fantasy beasts and dope fight choreo. 

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Let’s wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I had a wonderful time with this movie. I’m ready for the next one!

[votederpycausemufins]

I wonder what people think of the NSMP so far, and how they think of it at the end of the chapter, and just what people think in general

@petrichormeraki the hermit Tommy people and @helleborusangel the online friendo with great rambles!

“So, how are things with Grian?” Grifter looked up as someone sat at the table he was working at.

“Surprisingly well.” Grifter replied. “It took about a day to get him used to standard weapons again, which isn’t too bad. He’s still worried about respawning, which is an obvious fear. Oh, and I’m hoping he’ll be able to hang out with Flora today!”

“Oh, that sounds like a great idea. I know there aren’t many young hermits, so if he’s able to hang with anyone his age- hey maybe I should end lessons early.”

Grifter looked up at the other Listener. “End lessons early? You mean for just one, or both of the kids?”

The Listener shrugged. “Both obviously. Vee probably wants a break as much as their sister, so wouldn’t be fair to give one a break and not the other.”

“You’re not sending Vee to the NSMP, right?” Grifter asked, trying not to have any worry in his voice, and if there was, he quickly tried covering it up. “I mean, I haven’t gotten everything over there fixed. They’re all still used to how Nightmare ran it. And I haven’t gotten around one of the things he put in there.”

The Listener chuckled. “No! Of course not. If I could keep Astrid from wanting to visit, I would. I mean, it sounds like you’d like her to come over for Grian. I could try keeping her out if you want but-”

Grifter rolled his eyes. “Yeah, rebellious teen who’s also got magic. Been there, done that. Speaking of, how long have they been training?”

The Listener perked up at that. “Astrid’s been going for one year and twelve days, and yesterday was Vee’s mark for one year. I got each of them a present of course since it’s pretty much like a birthday and all.”

“Well then, if that’s the case, I think I have a little present for them as well. In the middle of everything yesterday, a Watcher was having a one year party.”

.

.

.

Though Grian found it easiest to learn and use a sword for pretty obvious reasons. Instead, he kept an axe out. Apparently it could be as powerful or even more dangerous than a sword to the point that a number of people used it as a preferred weapon. It was a bit heavy for him, but to be honest, all of the tools felt a bit heavy in his hands. Gym class didn’t really have the best setup for using stuff like this.

He set his axe down for a few moments to let his arms rest as he pulled out his communicator. Sense apparently needed to fix it up so it would work in this time or something. Seeing as how it was working and even looked upgraded, it looked like the man had succeeded. Grian checked his coordinates, moving it from side to side to figure out which way was which as the numbers changed in real time. He was pretty sure at this point he was very lost, since he was used to streets and maps and not open land and coordinates. The only real street was near the castle, and it didn’t even last that long until it turned into what was practically rubble.

While Grian knew he could just stay in the castle since rooms were offered, part of him wasn’t thrilled at the idea of having to be stuck with what would essentially be roommates again. Especially if he could live elsewhere without having to pay rent. He would have to build his own place and gather the materials for it himself, but he had been interested in architecture and was thinking about going to college for it, and it seemed like it was easier to get the stuff he would need here.

He found a nice small tree to start with and pushed leaves out of the way for a good place to start chopping. When he did, Grian was surprised to find his axe chopping through the wood like it was warm butter, taking a chunk out of it in two swings. After that, he nearly fell over in surprise when he realized the tree was still standing, but after getting back up and feeling the tree to make sure he wasn’t imagining things, Grian could feel a hint of magic there, keeping the tree floating in the air.

Not wanting to leave it there, Grian started to tear down the rest of the tree, glad to see that the leaves were falling on their own since he didn’t want to deal with them too. Since one tree had been easy enough, Grian started on another, and then another. He took breaks between every few trees, not used to the amount of work even if the axe made it easy. But he was too busy during those breaks to catch the fiery orange color darting about in the shadows.

As Grian began to chop down another tree, he was stopped again as he was tackled from the side. In a panic, he swung his axe wildly, managing to hit whatever was attacking him by the sounds they made, but couldn’t be completely sure because he had his eyes closed. Finally, something grabbed his axe and yanked it away, pinning his arms down before he could grab anything else.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.” A voice hissed from above him, and Grian nervously opened his eyes. He immediately focused on the person’s ears, which were definitely not human, but he sighed as he realized they didn’t belong to a rabbit. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to amuse the hybrid as they let go of his one arm and instead pressed their forearm against his neck. “What are you? A hunter?!”

Grian quickly shook his head. He would say something, but talking was pretty hard when being choked. He saw a tree out of the corner of his eye and then looked back and forth between the tree and the hybrid, hoping they would understand what he meant. While it seemed like they didn’t, they at least eased up on his neck, letting him breathe better and speak. “I was just getting supplies.” He wheezed out, taking a break to catch his breath. “Grifter said-”

“Grifter?” The hybrid asked in surprise, then let Grian go for a moment before grabbing him again. “Wait, explain why you look so much like him. How do I know you’re not lying about him. Are you even on his good side?”

“We’re relat-” Was all Grian got out before the arm was against his neck again. “Right, sure you are. How come I haven’t heard of you before? I mean, I know my family pretty well.”

Grian wracked his brain for some way, any way to get this person to leave him alone. He at the very least had access to one hand, since the arm trapping it before was now on his neck, but he had no way of knowing if the person would understand him. He used his pointer finger to point to the side, then crossed his fingers, put his hands into a fist with his pinky out, then a fist with his thumb to the side, then finally put his thumb between his middle and ring fingers while it was in a fist. He repeated that a few times before the arm on his neck pulled back slightly

“Gry-an?” The hybrid asked, and Grian winced, but nodded, pointing to himself. “Alright, and what about Grifter? Who is he to you?” And he was glad his arm was left free. He pointed to himself again, then brushed the side of his cheek twice with the back of his hand, then had his hand go forward, palm down. “Or really? Then where are your wings?” And grian shook his hand like he slammed it in something. “Oh.”

Finally the hybrid moved away, freeing Grian from the ground. He rubbed his neck, coughing a little. “I see what he said about me needing to train…”

“So Gryan, what are you doing around my place?” The hybrid asked, standing up, not offering a hand to Grian.

“It’s Grian, and I was just trying to gather supplies. Grifter said I could stay in the castle, but to be honest, I’d like a place of my own. I went looking and found this place, so I was going to collect some wood. I didn’t realize this place belonged to you. But I’m glad you know BSL.”

The hybrid raised an eyebrow. “BSL? You mean sign language?”

“Uh, yeah. Your accent didn’t quite sound British, so I was worried you might have used ASL, or something else.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A lot. There’s also the two handed alphabet, and I'm pretty sure the sign for future is different if hurt isn’t.” Grian explained, finally pushing himself up to his feet.

“I just used what I was taught by my Grandma.” the hybrid shrugged. “She said something like it was bonzel? Or something like that.”

“BANZSL?” Grian said, fingerspelling it at the same time. “I mean, essentially the same thing. It’s just easier to say BSL.”

“I don’t understand anything you just said, I just know I understand the way your hands move.”

“Good enough.” Grian nodded. “So, your forest? I guess I cut down too many trees, huh?”

The hybrid shook their head. “Pfft, no. I can just replant them. You were just in what I think of as my place, and I’m not a fan of unfamiliar people showing up.”

“And Grifter is… is he allowed or not?”

“Oh he’s definitely allowed.” The hybrid smiled. “Coolest uncle around and now the admin, why wouldn’t I want him hanging at my place?”

“Cool.” Grian smiled, but then his eyes widened. “Wait so I’m an uncle?!”

The hybrid shrugged. “I dunno. You’re from the past, right? I doubt I’m born yet for you- how old are you?”

“Eighteen.”

“What the fuck, I’m older than you!” The hybrid exclaimed “Sort of. Long story. Short version is the old admin was a bitch.”

“So, does that mean you were born at that point?”

They rubbed their chin. “No, not yet. I’m trying to remember how old I was and how old dad was when I was adopted.”

“Oh, you were adopted?”

“I think. It’s easier than saying my real dad ran out on my mom and then she dated and married this new guy who’s now my dad.”

“Yeah, that does sound easier.”

“So, I don’t think I gave my name. I’m Fleur.”

Grian smiled and shook their hand. “Nice to meet you.”

.

.

.

Mumbo wanted to find Grian and leave right now. He was pretty sure the others thought the same, but right now they were all split up. They had started to explore before EX had caught up to them. Before he could say why, they were soon attacked by a creeper hybrid going by the name Euro. Mumbo could tell it was obviously the same one that was Techno’s Hels version based on the way they fought, managing to go hand to hand with the piglin hybrid.

Even with that, Euro had been strong enough to keep them split up, and now Mumbo was worried about Grian and Grum. He was especially worried from the fact that they had been there for about a day and he hadn’t seen any sign of Grian or his hels copy. It also didn’t help that the mobs here seemed to be more powerful than the ones on hermitcraft, which caused even more problems. Even in the day, he was getting trouble from zombies and skeletons that were wearing helmets, protecting them from the sun.

An arrow nearly hit Mumbo, breaking him out of his thoughts and making him start to run so he could find new cover. He barely got a shield up in time to block an arrow before he dove into a cave and pulled out a spare redstone torch for some semblance of light. The redstoner backed up, hoping for a bit more cover, but then he bumped into something that was unmistakably someone else. He was about to scream, but then his mouth was covered by a hand, so he struggled instead.

“Calm down, it’s just me!” A voice spoke that was just a little too cheerful for the situation they were in. Mumbo stopped struggling and was let go, able to turn around and see Wilbur was in the cave with him.

“Oh thank goodness. I was worried I wasn’t going to find anyone else.” He looked Wilbur over. “How are you doing?”

“Well, once you’ve died once, the fear of dying again isn’t that bad, especially since we get respawns here.” Wilbur replied, not as chipper as before.

“Yes, but that’s only with respawn anchors, and last I checked, we weren’t linked up to any of those. And if we are, we don’t know where it is and if it's broken or not.”

“Hmm, that’s true.” Wilbur replied, tilting his head slightly in thought. “Well, I’m sure there’s something for if you die and don’t have one yet. I’m sure they wouldn’t make it that easy to actually die.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Mumbo conceded. “But we should still be careful.”

The pair prepared themselves to move out of the cave and get through the landscape, not as worried now that neither of them were completely alone. They were just about to leave when Wilbur grabbed Mumbo’s shoulder and pulled him back. “Wait, there was something I wanted to tell you.”

“What was that?” Mumbo asked, turning back to look at the other man, who seemed to currently be struggling with trying to remember. He remembered at the party hearing mention that Wilbur had still been struggling with his memory after officially being revived, so Mumbo was patient with the man.

“Techno… he mentioned something about when Grifter was in the Dream SMP. About Euro.”

“I think I remember overhearing a tad bit of that when you were both over for Grum’s party.” Mumbo replied. “Something about Grifter talking about his family.”

Wilbur nodded. “Yeah, it was… That’s what it was!” And he smiled, finally remembering, before frowning again at whatever he remembered. “That was Euro who attacked us, but from what I heard, Grifter bragged about him being some sort of coward. That seemed like the opposite of what we saw. Do you think it was a lie? Or maybe that was someone else.”

“I’m not sure.” Mumbo replied. “Maybe he was just using the element of surprise. If we see him again and attack, it could scare him.”

“You’re right, that’s probably it.” Wilbur agreed. “If we see him again, I’ll try attacking and he’ll run off, letting us look for the others.”

“You think they’re alright?”

Wilbur shrugged. “Depends on if any of them are with someone else or by themselves.”

“I guess that’s true. So, what can you tell me about the people from your world? It might help us know what to expect.”

.

.

.

Grum smiled as he cut down another zombie, getting approval from Techno. The two of them had quickly found each other again after Euro split them up, mainly since Techno stayed behind to fight the hels smp’er, and Grum hid nearby. Since then, they fortunately hadn’t run into anyone else, but the longer they went without seeing anyone at all, the more suspicious it became.

“Do you think they’re planning an ambush?” Grum suggested, making Techno shrug.

“If it were me, I’d probably try that. But this isn’t the SMP I’m used to.”

“Yeah, but it also looks like this place is still pretty dangerous. Nightmare was just as bad as Dream… and Theseus wasn’t that nice either.”

“Could also be that the rest of them are just idiots and cowards.” Techno said, hoping to lighten the mood. “They see us out here slaying monsters left and right and know not to deal with us.” That seemed to work as Grum giggled a little. “They’ve seen true terror! A pig and a child, truly a force to be reckoned with.”

They were able to keep the mood up for a bit longer, but then Grum was feeling sad again. “I really hope my dad is okay. He got really hurt last time we saw Grifter. I did too…” And his screen flickered a little.

Techno noticed Grum’s distress and picked the bot up, putting him on his shoulders and trying to ignore chat’s cooing. “Yeah, well now you’ve got me, and Phil’s around here somewhere, so we can take him on.”

“Yeah, and we also have Paul.”

“Still not sure what his deal is, but chat seems to know something about him. They’re just shouting all over each other so I can’t tell what they’re talking about other than it being him.”

Grum nodded, quiet as they walked a bit, then he leaned down and looked at Techno. “Hey, maybe we can find out. He’s supposed to be a king, right?”

“Unfortunately, yeah.” Techno replied. “Why?”

Grum sat back up and crossed his arms, Techno lifting his own arms up worried that Grum was about to fall off his shoulders. “It’s more of a fortunately. I’ve got extra diamonds and you can use those so I can get access to my mayoral reservoirs.”

Techno stopped walking. “You sure that’s a good idea? How do we know it’ll even work for him? Or, you know, even work for you?”

“Well,” Grum conceded. “We don’t really know. I mean, we’re in a hels dimension, so I might not be able to access anything. Or it might crash again, though I think that was just your old admin’s fault.”

“Then let’s not risk it just yet. We don’t need to know about that and if it goes wrong, it will go really wrong and leave you out of commission.” Techno explained, starting to walk again, but then immediately stopped, only moving to bend down and set Grum down on the ground and grab his weapon.

Seeing what he did, Grum grabbed his own sword, ready to attack whatever Techno noticed. For a few moments, everything was completely quiet. Then, before either of them could react, both Grum and Techno were suddenly trapped in bedrock.

.

.

.

Paul sliced through another group of mobs in the way, then helped Tommy up to the ledge he was on. Tommy had yet to even swing his sword with Paul tearing through anything in the way. At the very least he had been able to use a bow to shoot things down from afar, but Tommy prefered melee to ranged. The teen wouldn’t have been too frustrated if it weren’t also for the fact that the man was going out of his way to kill any chicken they saw as well.

“I still don’t fucking get why you keep killing chickens. Why do they matter?” Tommy asked, picking up some feathers left behind.

“All chickens are spies, or at least a good enough portion that it’s best to get rid of any you see.” Paul explained, suddenly swinging at a creeper that had snuck up on them. “They’ve been a problem for as long as I can remember. At first, I had know clue why, it was just a sort of gut feeling. Like I knew when I didn’t actually know.”

“Alright, and so you just took it as fact?” Tommy asked, rolling his eyes.

“Not, of course not.” Paul replied. “I mean, only dumb people would do that, and there’s three types of people in this world, those who can do math, and those who can’t.”

“Bitch that’s two types of people.”

Paul sighed and looked back at Tommy. “Yeah, that’s the joke.”

“Oh…”

“Anyway, one time I found one messing with my things. I thought it was just a fluke until it happened again. At this point, I was already in the show biz a bit, so I played along. I trapped the chicken and then started jokingly interrogating it. When it actually started writing its chicken scratch on a sign, I thought I was going crazy at first.”

“So, it was actually a spy?” Tommy asked, not fully believing him.

“Yeah, it was. And from there things started unravelling until I finally met Punch.”

Tommy frowned. “And Punch is your hels version?”

“As far as I can tell, yeah.” Paul affirmed. “Pablo Punchwood, god of unwilling death. Most people think of ravens, crows and vultures as birds signalling death, but chickens can be ruthless. Whoever thought of calling cowards chickens did not meet a real chicken.”

“Really? What harm could they do?” But Paul didn’t answer Tommy verbally. Instead, he pulled out a book bound with black leather and opened it, following along with a page. A moment later, a rift of a sort of camo green color opened in the air next to the pair, and Paul reached his hand in, pulling out what looked like a dead mouse. “What the fuck was that?!”

“Think of it like a sort of multiworld enderchest.” Paul explained, though still not answering Tommy’s question about the chicken. When they next encountered some monsters, Paul had them take a more covert route, hiding instead of fighting.  Finally, they reached a pair of chickens while the pair of them crouched in the grass. Paul pulled the rat out again, then bit at the inside of his cheek a bit before using the blood from the wound he caused to put blood on the rat.

Tommy watched as the man then threw the animal towards the chickens, surprised by how quietly it went through the air. Then it landed and caught the attention of the chickens, who then started pecking at the creature. After a few seconds, Tommy looked away, not able to stomach what he saw.

“So, that’s chickens for you. Anything about that size that’s injured, and they’ll tear it to shreds. Sometimes there are even chickens that are confident enough to go after people, but bluckers are the ones you need to look out for. They really like to bite.”

“So chickens have been dangerous spies this entire time?!” Tommy asked as they started to move, looking back to see only the bones of the rat were left behind.

“Sure have been. It’s part of why avians are a class all of their own when talking about hybrids.” Paul explained, getting them through another rough patch of monsters. “See, ages ago, there were dinosaurs, and those eventually found their way to being various birds. Technically, there’s a longer explanation, but that’s all you really need to know right now.”

“So avian hybrid people are technically part dinosaur?” Tommy asked, surprised.

“Sort of. See, when you get into the nitty gritty of it all, part of the reason avians are called that and not bird hybrids is because of the fact that they tend to be more shifter than hybrid.”

“More what?”

“Shifter. There’s different classes of what most people generally call hybrids. There’s standard humans, hybrids, shifters, and naturals. Of course, technically humans count as naturals, but the categories were made by a human so it’s a bit of prejudice there.”

“Can you fucking cut to the chase?” Tommy asked, not wanting a lecture.

“Sure.” Paul shrugged. “Punchwood is my evil version, he’s got a thing with chickens, even though he should be staying in this dimension, he’s messed with things, avians are some sort of descendant deity now, and that makes categorizing them odd.”

Tommy was completely silent for a few moments, even stopping in place as Paul continued walking. Then, he came to his senses and ran to catch up. “What the fuck? None of that made any sense! Where do dinosaurs come into that? Why the fuck are there avians here then if he’s hels? Why isn’t it just fucking chickens then?”

Tommy didn’t have a chance to answer as suddenly Paul dodged an attack. Tommy himself barely pushed away, just in time to dodge an attack from a woman wielding a pink axe. He swung his netherite sword at the woman, which hit the blade of her axe, sending sparks into the air. “Hey! Are you going to help me fight or what?”

With those words, Paul attacked the woman as well, looking much sloppier than he had fighting the monsters. Though Tommy couldn’t do much about that right then, he still filed it away for later. After they dealt with whoever this was.

.

.

.

Doc tried to hold back another hiss. When he first ended up finding Phil, he was just glad to have someone else on his side. The monsters were a slight hassle, but between the two of them, they were getting through them well. So well that they actually had enough time to just walk and chat. Doc was even the one to suggest Phil come up with a topic to talk about. And he decided to ask about Doc’s interaction with gods.

Though the hybrid wanted to yell at Phil, he knew that was more the fault of Theseus, Paul and himself for opening things up to that conversation. So reluctantly Doc answered the questions Phil had.

“So why are you just calling it the Perd now?”

Doc rolled his eye a little. “Yeah. Easier to mishear and harder to search for. It’s not like we really want anyone releasing Notch into the world again.”

“Why would anyone want to let him out?” Phil asked incredulously. “He was a tyrant god. People were looking for a way to trap him for years.”

“Yeah, people were, but other people continued to worship him before and even after he was finally imprisoned. God apples being called that is still a recent change.” They paused the conversation to deal with some mobs before Doc continued the answer. “Not everyone is so long lived to remember those days. Heck, some people think Herobrine’s still not a nice dude because of that old propaganda that always got put out. I mean, he can be violent if need be, but you saw how tame he tends to be.”

“I have?”

“That’s Joe. The guy hanging with Cleo and wearing glasses. Eret’s dad.”

“Really? Wouldn’t have guessed.” Phil replied, and Doc was glad for the slightly lighter subject. But that took both of them off guard, meaning neither of them was ready when they were suddenly attacked by an enderman.

Phil was the first one attacked, the monster sending him a few meters back with the amount of force behind the attack. It swung at Doc next, hitting his right arm and leaving a dent in the prosthetic. When it tried to swing at Doc again, Phil had jumped back to his feet and swung his axe, the blade hitting the monster and making them teleport a few blocks away.

With the short break in fighting, Phil and Doc were able to get a good look at their foe. The enderman stood there, slouched over a bit, yet still taller than a regular enderman. Their normally small paw like hands were now large enough that Doc was pretty sure just one could wrap around his head, and that wasn’t counting that the monster had four arms instead of just two.

The last things of note was the fact that half of the enderman was a pale lavender instead of being all black, and they were also wearing a hawaiian shirt of all things. But that was enough for Phil to realize that they were dealing with Ranboo’s hels version.

.

.

.

Xisuma sighed as he got back to his feet. While he was glad to not have ended up completely alone in an unfamiliar world and dimension, he wasn’t the biggest fan of having only found his brother. X had tried a casual discussion, but EX always found a way to turn it into a fight.

And that also didn’t mention the trouble they were already having from mobs. Xisuma was defending the both of them while his brother refused to help, leaving the monsters with the upper hand. Xisuma could usually keep his cool fairly well, but at this point, Xannes was starting to get on his nerves.

“Could you move faster? You’re slowing us down.” EX said, making his point by walking faster than he was before.

“We would be making more progress if you were fighting the monsters instead of me.” Xisuma grumbled, making his point by shooting a nearby spider.

“Oh, I’m sure you wouldn’t want me getting in the way.” EX replied smugly. “I’m sure you’d rather ban me again than have me sticking around. Who knows, maybe it would stick this time.”

“At this point, it would probably help.” Xisuma replied, though under his breath, not wanting his brother to hear him, then spoke in a more audible tone. “I’m sure you’d find a way around it.”

Xannes just chuckled, slowing down and finally letting Xisuma catch up again before tripping the admin with a laugh. Xisuma looked up in frustration at his brother before just lying on the ground for a moment to calm down, not wanting to fight back. And then Xisuma was suddenly dragged back with a yell as something grabbed his ankle.

Xannes turned around to see why X had yelled, only to find a trail in the ground and his brother missing. “What? Oh, ha ha. Very funny, brother. I’m sure even with my setbacks, us sticking together is still a better option.” He was quiet, waiting for a response, but none came. “Oh alright, I’ll be a bit nicer. Just come back.” But there was still no answer.

Now more worried, EX took his sword out, the blade a tad shaky in his hands. “Brother, I get your point now. My little jokes aren’t actually funny. Is that what you want right now?” Yet again, there was still no answer, except this time, there was the snap of a branch or something in the nearby area, leaving Xannes whirling around, weapon at the ready. “Br-Xisuma! Where are you?! Stop messing around!”

All that happened was another sound from nearby, making Xannes flinch, but with few other options he moved towards it. He needed to push through a bit of foliage, but then he finally saw his brother. The admin was tied up and hanging upside down, a very tall person standing next to him in a light blue cloak with gold accents, two pairs of wings on their back and a golden circlet on their head over the hood of their cloak.

Xannes crept forward, trying to make as little noise as possible. His eyes connected with Xisuma’s, who was trying to signal something, but the hels admin couldn't piece it out in time. Xannes looked back at the figure, only to see them turning back towards him. He tried to hide again, only to have his shoulder grabbed at the last moment and be yanked back.

EX got a glimpse of the person’s face, them similar enough to the demon from the DSMP that he made the connection. “Oh, and I can get a matching set out of this.”

Xannes kicked at the angel demon thing. “Let go of me you bastard! Or I promise you will regret it!”

“Oh, is that so?” They asked, tilting their head. “Well, I guess you’ll have to show me.” And they started to tie Xannes up as well.

When he was hanging next to Xisuma, the admin wriggled a bit to turn himself towards Xannes. “Why didn’t you do anything? I’m sure lightning could take down even an angel.” But Xannes just grumbled. “Look, I can’t get us out of this one, you can’t make me do everything.”

“Oh shut up!”

“Why? I’m not an admin here. I can only get us in and out of worlds, and at the very least I need to stay for the others. I can’t do anything to get us out, so you have to instead.”

“Well sure! Let me just, I don’t know, pull up my kill aura to attack him, hmm? Oh wait, I-”

And then Xannes stopped talking as suddenly the angel was attacked by an invisible force. The pair of admins watched as their captor was attacked until they finally died from damage, and a few moments later, Xannes and Xisuma were both freed from their bindings. “Took you long enough.”

Xannes picked himself off the ground. “That wasn’t you?”

“I told you I can’t do anything since I’m not the admin here. You were the one just talking about kill auras.”

“Well… I can’t actually… access any of my hacks here.” Xannes hesitantly admitted. “And I never got to go to any of the fancy schools you got to go to, so I’m always relying on them for combat.”

“You’re saying you can’t actually fight? Is that why you weren’t helping?” Xisuma asked, taking his brother crossing his arms and looking away as a yes. “Well, we have ample time while making our way through this world looking through the others. I’m sure active experience would help.”

“I don’t want your help.” Xannes replied defensively. He started to walk off in a huff, then paused, looking back. “Why not pretend to teach your viewers or whatever you record things for? Pretend like you’re doing something useful.”

Xisuma chuckled and followed behind his brother. That was probably the best he was going to get from EX, but it was better than nothing. The two of them continued through the world, Xisuma defending against monsters they encountered. And if there were a few less, the pair didn’t notice, just as they didn’t notice the person in a frowning mask following behind them.

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

Dark Obey Me AU Outline, Breakdown, Game Mechanic + Specifics, + Some Other Stuff

{Previous post}

Kickoff and Quick Summarization:

Leviathan won a new preliminary horror game with VR aspects from a contest to test the game out before its actual release and invited Mammon and Yuki (MC) to play. This experimental immersion becomes too realistic when Yuki's latent powers takes the experience of the game to new levels when the entire House of Lamentation is sucked into the virtualization. Yuki, now alone and confused to the rules of this blended world of reality and simulation, has to venture through the house and recover the brothers from the game's influence. The game seems a little rigged the more Yuki advanced, so is someone actually pulling strings off screen or is paranoia seeping in?

Type of AU:

Mirror Universe, Interactive AU (you can help build up the world of this event)

Potential tags:

Horror, Psychological, Bloody, Dark, Angsty, Possible Sexual Assault, Death Is Allowed, Bodily Harm

Brief (and Liable to Change) Explanation of How the Game Will Work:

-After the House of Lamentation is shifted and adapted into the game's world, the seven demon brothers are also adapted to the elements of the psychological horror genre and placed as progressively harder bosses that MC has to get through to advance the game and undo the effects of what happened.

-The brothers that MC has converted back to normal will stay on their side and aid them in rescuing the other mentally manipulated boys, some even serving as necessary requirements to further progress. They can roam around the house and their rooms can serve as a temporary safety spots, but MC has to be with them to ward off the game's influence from trying to appeal to their cardinal desires based on their sin they govern and controlling them again.

-MC can try to appeal to any brother at any time, but if they don't meet requirements the struggle will be a lot harder and the emotional toll will be more effective on the chosen brother. If MC fails to convert the brother, not only does the next attempt become tougher, but MC takes damage deemed appropriate by the game based on the sin of the brother.

-The only exception to this rule is Mammon. Mammon is basically the tutorial. He's a mandatory scripted event to teach MC how the gameplay will be, and how they'll make it further in the game.

-Each brother is equivalent as a boss. The only way to progress to the next milestone is to release the grip the game has on the brothers' minds, but it's not as simple as breaking a curse like MC can canonically do with their powers. MC has to make a connection to the altered version of the demons, and to reach that connection they have to tackle each brother's insecurities and issues. Not like resolve them entirely with a heartfelt speech, and voila, they're okay again, but really reach into their hearts and remind them that they're not what the game has turned them into, that they're more than their sins and valued individually by MC.

-Thus having the proper brother on MC's side makes that connection a lot easier when it comes to certain brothers. Once that connection has been made and the game has less control, then MC can use the pact they made in the real world as the final move to disconnect the hold the game has in the virtual world.

-Again, however, it's not as simple as a few deeply passionate words and the veils are lifted from the brothers' eyes. Certain items can be found in each bedroom that helps strengthen the pact to mean something aside from a vow between a human and a demon. Requirements are necessary for progress.

-The pacts MC has with the brothers is a key relevancy to progressing the game. Without trying to appeal positively to their insecurities/fears the game has a strong hold on their minds and the use of their pacts aren't as effective

Rundown of What I Mean:

Mammon is the first demon MC bonded with and that applies itself strongly to their connection and relationship, especially in this event. I might be biased here, and not to mention I'm trial and erroring the story with my MC, Yuki, but I believe Mammon has the strongest connection with MC because of how he feels for them, how empathetic he is, and how emotionally aware he can be.

Mammon governs greed and already easily succumbs to his wants in the real world, but as of now in the canon story, he's grown a bit away from his sin, because of his relationship with MC, like most of the boys have. He can put MC above his own desires, and that influence deals a lot with how MC saves him after he attacks them in their room.

Mammon wants to sell MC's body, bit by bit, blood, teeth, hair, organs, nails, etc., as a means to pull in some serious money in the black market. Greed completely takes over Mammon, and he has very little regard for MC's life. When MC tries to use their pact's powers on Mammon the first time not much is really done, because the connection wasn't made. However, being the tutorial, Mammon becomes less influenced quicker than the rest of his brothers. MC has to remind him he's not a total scumbag that loves only money while Mammon is choking them out. So time is of the essence, because MC is physically harmed in this reality and can die as well.

I'll have a rough draft of this scene up later to better explain the process.

So Basically:

MC has to find items or something meaningful to assist them in helping the brothers become aware while under the game's manipulation, and then making a connection to their actual selves that helps absolve the mind control before using the pacts MC has made to finalize the severance, although it's not totally gone.

How I Plan to Progress the Event (Susceptible to Change) and Suggestions That Have Been Implemented by Other People So Far:

-MC starts the event off at the Lord Demon's castle with Diavolo and Barbatos before returning to the HoL to play with Levi. Before MC leaves Barbatos gives them two coins and a cautionary warning [credit to @jinxed-rose ]

-The unstable powers of MC conflicts with the game and locks the HoL and its residents inside the virtual reality.

-The game treats the brothers as bosses and turns their worst qualities up to 11. The small glimpses of how we saw the brothers in the beginning of the game before warming up to the MC is how they're portrayed in the game. They're meaner, deadlier, and heavily warpped from their original selves.

-MC can physically be hurt and/or killed, so the more of the brothers they can rescue the easier the game will be to traverse.

-The brothers are ranked by the order of when they got a pact with MC. So the optional progression between the brothers would be Mammon, Levi, Beel, Asmo, Satan, Lucifer, and Belphie. The longer MC has been in a pact with the boys the easier it is to sway them out of their brainwashing, but it doesn't have to be in this order [credit to @felix-the-lemon-king ]

-Another option of progress with the brothers can be psychological fortitude. What I mean by that is the boys' durability to withstand breaking down from their insecurities being provoked. So Mammon's biggest fear is MC getting hurt so he's automatically the first boss and Lucifer would be among the last to confront because he's mentally strongest and that's where the issues would lie. [credit to 13ineedpills13 on AO3]

-Levi is an optional boss that can be done early or late in the game, it doesn't really matter. If MC goes for Levi first, he'll be relatively easy to return to normal, but if MC doesn't get to him until later then he'll be a lot harder to help. If MC attempts to rescue the others before Levi and succeeds the game will make him aware of this. Levi will get more and more enveloped by envy and jealousy and his insecurities will worsen, making it harder to appeal to him. [credit to @sunshine-apprentice ]

-The reason Levi is an optional boss to go after at any time is because he has a mystery that reveals itself later as the event starts ramping up and big reveal towards the end. It's not really a secret if you read the notes on prior posts, but shhh. [credit to @felix-the-lemon-king ]

-Lucifer is the assumed main person to look out for, because he is the elder, head of the house, and most powerful and sadistic. He watches from the shadows and sets up elaborate snares and ambushes to sike out and slowly breakdown MC. Beel is more frequent around Lucifer's bedroom.

Somewhat Established "Rules" of the Game:

-Each encounter with the brothers during the actual moments of fighting and struggling will be violent and dangerous. Injuries will be painful and won't magically heal after the fight is done. [credit to syvintri on AO3]

-Death is very much possible, but it's tough for the brothers to die. It's not that hard for MC though. So, perma-death is plausible, but it's evened out with the two coins MC gets from Barbatos.

-The end goal is in Levi's bedroom, but it won't be accessible until after the brothers have all been released from the grip of the video game.

-MC's room is the only actual safe room in the house, so it's basically the headquarters

-Beel is the guard that routinely patrols the hallways, but he can be lured away with food from an area for a bit of time

-Each brother's room has a way to help figure out how to un-brainwash the boys, but they are dangerous to go into

-Overcoming the boys' insecurities and sins are a key relevance in progressing the game

-Line up of the boys in order as bosses (potentially): Mammon, Asmodeus, Belphie, Beelzbub, Satan, Lucifer, Leviathan

Concerns and Questions:

There's still a lot of gaps and unfilled holes that I'm not entirely sure how to connect properly. Trying to figure out how to write the encounters between the brothers that are being manipulated and MC/the brothers rescued is going to be tricky. Making sure the boys' characterizations stay close to how they would be will be a challenge.

So my questions for you will help me figure out what people would like to see and also help me connect dots in the story and plot.

A matter to discuss, for instance, is what a comment said on AO3:

"I think them interacting in a proper manner storywise when they are brainwashed is impossible, and such a drag to read. They should only interact during battles, and after battles, as they go on and save the others."

How should I go about writing the progress of the story?

Should I write it like an actual fanfiction, all detailed and specific and going at a constant pace, or should I skip moments instead of writing every scene that could occur to stay fresh and steady-paced, or should I try to base the chapters like actual event lessons in-game where stuff happens briefly and isn't very long?

Or another comment:

"So maybe this is just me, but I think it'd actually be more horrifying if the 'game' wasn't perma-death. Especially if everyone remembered despite any sort of revives or resets and with in-game injuries actually being painful. There's a high potential for angst is all I'm saying. But I guess that lends itself better for a normal fic rather than a choose your own adventure thing"

How should I write the "fight" scenes?

Should they be brief yet detailed or meaty with the conflict as MC tries to resolve the situation before anyone gets too hurt oor would this be good moments for turmoil between the brothers to arise and brawls break out ooor... I don't know what else.

How would the angst and heavy trauma best be applied according to y'all?

What kind of angst would each brother go through as MC tries to rescue them?

Some other questions:

Is the line up of the brothers as bosses okay, or should they be reconfigured to make more sense? Should it be linked how psychologically weak to strong they are or how their sins correspond to the next?

What would they be like at their absolute worst? How far do you think they could dive into their sins if they didn't have morals?

How dangerous would the brothers be?

How would the game use each character's insecurities and fears as their driving point?

How would you like to see brothers interact with MC during the confrontation? Or with each other before/during/after?

If MC were to die what would be the best way to take them out that would really fuck up the boys and devastate the psyche? Any brother is liable to maim or hurt the MC, but which one(s) could actually kill them? Or if a brother took a hit meant for MC, who would be more inclined to step into the line of fire?

These aren't all the questions that I have knocking around in my head and stumping me, but they're the biggest ones. I would like to hear inputs from others, BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel inclined to answer everything that I've listed. Those are just questions that I thought of and put on this post as examples of what I'm trying to figure out.

Finishing Off:

So yeah. That's the progress I've made so far, both on my own and from suggestions and opinions from other people.

I'd love to hear what y'all have in mind or would like to suggest or a take on a matter for any scenes, interactions, or whatever. Even if it's ideas of your own that relate to something that hasn't been brought up or mentioned, feel free to comment it or send me an ask.

Something this extensive will require a lot of thought and work to be done right, so that's why I had the notion of making this an interactive AU

So, if you're interested or wanna talk about the concept, hit me up! I'm dying just to ramble about potential stuff or read viewpoints about the brothers that you want to see happen or stances for whatever.

[gra-sonas]

Max Evans has had one hell of a year. The Roswell, New Mexico Season 3 premiere, which picked up a year after the events of the Season 2 finale, saw the alien-turned-cop living large with his pseudo siblings Isobel and Michael. However, his easygoing demeanor was nothing more than a facade. As it turns out, he is dying, principally because his body is rejecting the heart transplant he received last season. Now, he is on a mission to wrap up his unfinished business -- not the least of which involves Liz Ortecho, the estranged love of his life, and Jones, the alien from whom he was cloned.

Speaking to CBR, Roswell, New Mexico star Nathan Dean offered some insight into Max's end-of-life plans. He shared why it was so fun to play two separate characters in Season 3, as well as how that effect was accomplished behind the scenes. He explained the key difference between Max and Jones, which may very well show Max his own potential. He teased Anatsa's key role this season and warned fans to be worried about the results of Maria's ominous visions. He also previewed Max's reunion with Liz, the real-world issues that Season 3 will tackle and more.

CBR: This season, you're playing two separate characters. How do you alter your approach to differentiate between Max and Jones?

Nathan Dean: You know, Max has spent his whole life suppressing who he is, suppressing his abilities and trying to hide and trying to be human. Jones has never tried to do that. He has never suppressed anything. He's never tried to stop himself from finding his full potential. So really, it was just the opportunity.

I thank our showrunner Chris Hollier and our writers for allowing me to do this, to really step into the potential of what Max could have been under different circumstances, if he hadn't grown up on Earth around humans. If he never tried to suppress these abilities, if he never tried to suppress who you are or your potential, what is that? What is the limit there? For Jones, there is none.

So it was really fun to then step into this fully evolved version of the character that I've been playing and then switch between the two, go back to understanding the circumstances of, "Alright, you're human, you're trying to be human," but then switch back into, "Oh, no, you're not. You're so much more than human. You're something far beyond that." Yeah, juxtaposing the two was a lot of fun.

What is it like for you to act opposite yourself? What does that look like for you behind the scenes?

Nathan Dean: It's very weird! It's very weird. You know, there were days where there would be myself and there would be a photo double -- one for Max, one for Jones -- and there would be stunt doubles -- one for Max, one for Jones -- and we just kept multiplying on set. But it was very bizarre. It was a lot of fun.

You sort of do one side of the scene a certain way and then switch over. You know, you take the beard off, you change the outfit and change the mannerisms, change the demeanor, and then try to have a conversation with the self that you just were. It was very fun! [laughs] It was very bizarre, but it was great.

Thanks to Jones, Max is finally getting some of the answers he's longed for. How will that impact the way he sees himself, particularly in relation to Isobel and Guerin?

Nathan Dean: It impacts him a lot. I mean, we spent this past year... we weren't working. You know, a lot of people weren't working and you just kind of sit at home and have to look yourself in the mirror and really figure out who you want to be and how you want the world to remember you and how you want the world to see you.

Max is confronted with this thing in a very real person of Jones, literally looking yourself in the mirror. It sort of forces Max, I think, to take stock and appreciate Guerin and appreciate Isobel and Liz, too. I mean, just be grateful for having them in his life and finding out his place in the universe. You get to see, I think, that growth from him all season of just that gratitude and approaching people with respect, and respecting his situation so much more seeing it from someone else's eyes.

As we found out in the premiere, Max is dying. How does he envision his last days? What does his bucket list look like?

Well, I think largely it comes down to him wanting to respect and honor the people around him that have loved him in his life, and he hasn't necessarily always been good on that. So he just really wants to just be there for the people he cares about. I think for him, dying quietly and disappearing is the best option. He's always wanted to disappear into the shadows, but this season and Jones in particular kind of forced him to step out of those shadows and step into himself more.

I hope that, by the end of the season, that we see a much more mature, a much more fully formed Max than we have in the past. He's no longer allowed to hide because now there's two of him! So yeah, he's kind of forced to step into the spotlight when he doesn't necessarily want to.

It looks like Roswell has a new sheriff in town. How will that affect Max's job and his role in the community?

Nathan Dean: It doesn't really affect him. I mean, Max thankfully is not -- he doesn't have his job by election, but it definitely hurts him because Valenti was tough, but she was always kind of on his side and had his back. So yeah, he has to definitely adjust and learn a new place and learn if you he trust the new sheriff, who is coming into town in very crazy times, because now there's not one, but there's two of me.

He's got to learn how to adjust with that and hopefully, the new sheriff will be able to -- maybe not be as understanding as Valenti was, but yeah, she'll have a whole new set of problems to deal with. I hope we can trust her and hope that he'll be able to keep his job and try to keep her out of it as much as possible. But yeah, it's definitely a new rule.

In this week's episode, we learn a little more about Anatsa and her reason for coming to Roswell. How will we see that dynamic evolve as the season progresses?

Nathan Dean: Well, that's gonna be fun. I mean, she has her own agenda, definitely, and Max is a little bit reckless off the top and kind of steps a little bit out of line. But yeah, I mean, she's coming here, she's gonna learn a whole lot of things that she wasn't quite ready to learn when she first came to Roswell. Yeah, as the season goes on, we'll see her become integrated into not only Max's life, but then obviously, Michael and Isobel's life as well. She is really striving to uncover what turns out to be some uncomfortable truths.

Roswell has never shied away from dipping its toes into controversial topics, so how does that set the stage for the show to tackle some real-world current events?

Nathan Dean: Well, we've all been through a lot of these last couple years. Having jumped forward a year, we definitely touch on -- I mean, it's unavoidable. There was a pandemic! There was a lot of people going through some pretty difficult times. Yeah, we definitely jump into it. I mean, we'll talk about it. We always try to stay as current as possible.

I mean, the fact that Max is a cop, that's controversial in and of itself, and we definitely talk about that. Yeah, like you said, we don't shy away from situations that are going on in the real world, and I think this year, we were given a good platform to be able to have these conversations with level heads and not shy away from it. Stuff will come up about being a cop; stuff will come up about the pandemic. Kyle, one of our main characters, is a doctor. This stuff that doctors have had to go through these past couple of years, it's all very, very much at the forefront of this show.

We try to tackle everything with a level head and with respect. We just were given a lot of ammunition this past year, and we'll dive into it and we'll talk about it. But central to our show, obviously, is going to be these aliens and the relationship between Liz and Max and all that. So we try to play it all on an even playing field.

Just how trustworthy is Jones?

Nathan Dean: [laughs] I think you've got to figure out his agenda first! I mean, you've got to figure out what he wants. Ultimately, Jones sort of operates as a window into the past. Michael and Isobel primarily, but also Max, always had these questions boiling around in their minds about, "Who are we? Why are we here? Where did we come from? What's our place in the stars? What are we doing? What's happening?" And Jones is a window into that.

He obviously has his own plans and his own thing, but at the end of the day, yeah, he's sort of what Max could have been, had Max not grown up on Earth. We get to see that unfold and unfold throughout the season. So yeah, I mean, do you trust Max? Do you just Isobel? Do you trust Michael? Do you trust any of these aliens? Do you trust Jones? I don't know! That's all yet to be seen.

Maria keeps having visions of a funeral and she isn't quite sure who's in the coffin. How worried should fans be?

Nathan Dean: Definitely be worried. You know, we're just learning now what Maria's abilities are and what her role in this cosmic game is. As we move forward, trying to figure out what her ability is, and are these are these, in fact, real? Are these set in stone? Is this something that can be changed? What are these visions? Are these the future that's going to happen or a future that could happen?

Yeah, we learn a lot about Maria this year, and obviously Liz is off in LA trying to figure out how to deal with that as well. It's fun to sort of -- you know, she's one of the new aliens in the group and we get to figure out what that's about.

What can you tease about Max's reunion with Liz?

Nathan Dean: I mean, Max and Liz have this relationship that is constantly push and pull. They're in this orbit around each other they just can't break. It is very appropriate that she literally runs into him, because no matter how hard they try to be apart and try to be separated, the world, the universe, whatever it is, they just keep literally crashing into each other.

Obviously, it's been a year. Max is not doing well, in a lot of ways. There's also another Max out there somewhere. So yeah, they crash into each other in quite a spectacular way.

[crazynekochan]

Dangan Persona AU

Ideas for 3rd and 4th palace (may switch these around depending on plot progression)

3rd palace

Ruled by Akane Owari.

Captive is Nekomaru Nidai (trapped in eternal duel with Shadow Akane at the mountain top; will have stress-induced heart problem that will kill him if palace not completed in time).

Shadow manifests as her with monkey traits like Sun Wukong the Monkey King (because I think that she acts a lot like the Monkey King and basically every shounen protagonist based on them), very brutal and rather irreverent about anything other than food, friends, battle, and entertainment, with her boss form playing even more into the Monkey King comparison with her being knocked into a huge braiser before clambering out to be a huge, rampaging ape woman with red eyes and a shitton of anger she’s gonna take out on the party, using mostly physical attacks.

Palace resembles a mix of the paradise island of the Monkey King’s home and the Jade Emperor’s palace, showing that HPA is both a paradise and somewhere she can use to improve her lot in life for her family.

The party has to climb the mountain palace to get to the top where Shadow Akane and Nekomaru are having their faceoff. Right when they get to the top, Akane (real Akane) finally manages to climb up by herself from scaling the outside and tackling the Shadow her to try helping them. Didn’t work, because Shadow Akane is like a super-strong evil version and she knocks Akane out, then starts the battle.

4th palace

Ruled by Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu.

Captive is Peko Pekoyama (trapped in a very restrictive decorative armor somehow decorated like wedding gear in the boss room; will be unintentionally killed by the ongoing war outside trying to defend Fuyuhiko, with Fuyu soon following suit, if palace not finished in time).

Shadow manifests as him wearing a hakama and what looks like wedding gear that’s brutally torn between respecting Peko’s autonomy and using his authority to keep her with him forever out of fear that if he doesn’t, she’ll get herself killed that turns into a giant dragon demon in a nice fitted suit that starts being incredibly rude (a Groomzilla, if you will) and uses Wind/Psychic/Physical skills a lot.

Palace is a lovely traditional Japanese shrine/palace combo where an utter warzone is taking place outside and you can see scenes of Fuyuhiko and Peko’s story together on the way inside the shrine with major puzzles so that you can get in without getting hurt

When the party gets to the actual shrine, Fuyuhiko (real Fuyu) sneaks in and tries his best to get Peko out of the armor so that they can both escape while Shadow Fuyuhiko is busy dealing with a distraction provided by the party. But, unfortunately, Shadow Fuyuhiko is just a bit too clever and immediately rushes back to find “his bride” being “undressed” by his “weak and pathetic” true self. Shadow Fuyuhiko gives a very brutal “why you suck” speech to Fuyuhiko before trapping Peko in the shrine and attacking the party for the fight

After the fight, the shadow confesses that he was the weak one, never having the guts to ask Peko what she had wanted because he was scared that it would be to leave him or hurt herself because of him. He even mentions that it’s what got her killed once, and he was never going to let her do that again. Before anyone could get an answer for why he said that, they have to leave because the palace is falling apart. But still, it does leave a lot of questions

---

Mod:

(3rd Palace) I wouldn’t be surprised if the Monkey King was an inspiration for Akane, like for a ton of characters, since she’s to the core a super powerful and active person, who doesn’t like thinking very much but will eat without a break. So having it reflect in her Shadow resemble it is a good choice. Same with her Palace being something actually resembling a palace, since as you said for her HPA was nothing but pure luxury where things were so much better than her life before

Though they really need to get a move on to get Nekomaru out of there, cause he might be super fit, but his heart for sure will not keep up for that long and I really doubt that he has heart medications on him in the Palace. And that Akane doesn’t like to stop fighting even when defeated is nothing new. Though I can imagine that defeating her shadow must be one of the physically hardest battles, cause she is a seriously good and very fast fighter after all. While the only trained fighters the party has up until now are Sakura, Akane herself and Gundham (as far as I remember, but correct me if I’m wrong)

(4th Palace) No matter what anyone tries to say, Fuyuhiko would be the biggest Groomzilla there is because only the best is hardly good enough for Peko’s and his wedding. And if Fuyu still keeps on trying (and awfully failing) with hiding his crush on Peko after the more or less wedding his Shadow created I will personally hit him up the head

The party did have a good idea with trying to keep the Shadow distracted while Fuyuhiko tries to safely free Peko, cause Peko can’t move properly and she would absolutely try to go between them if the Shadow tries to attack Fuyu despite being unable to protect herself. If only it worked, but hey the Shadow is at least content enough with “only” attacking Fuyuhiko verbally, cause let’s be honest with his awful self-esteem that he tries to hide so desperately behind his bad boy façade, words for sure hurt him more than any physical attack ever could (I mean he cut open his gut without a 2nd thought to apologise)

I love that slowly the party is noticing that something is a bit off about what is going on with the Shadows. But they have yet to understand what it is. Though not sure if they will even like the truth (But it makes it more fun x) )

[pressedinthepages]

Saudade

portuguese. noun. an emotional state of nostalgia and longing for someone or something distant.

Fandom: The Witcher

Pairing: Geralt & Witchers (platonic)

Word Count: 1153

Rating: T

Masterlist

a/n: Reader Request: [ok can i request something super angsty for one of the kaer morhen boys? like i'm talking death, abandonment, P A I N like seriously make me cry? i'm sorry this is a weird request but i am in the mood for some suffering.] i wanted to try something a little different this time, hopefully you enjoy!

Tags:    @whitewolfandthefox​ @havenoffandoms​ @MishaFaye @criminaly-supernatural​ @weathervanes-my-oneandlonely​ @queenxxxsupreme​ @belalugosisdead​ @persephonehemingway​ @hina-chans-stuff​ @xoxosinister​ @theawkwardpedestrian @a-stumpsexuals-world​

(There is a link on my page where you can be added to my taglist :D)

Warnings: angst, death, depression

Geralt finds warmth in a time of quiet cold.

The scent of ash and smoke fills the air, the embers all that’s left to warm Geralt’s front. He is kneeling, has been for hours. He’s been trying to meditate, to step away from this into the sanctuary of his unconscious. Finally, he feels the tendrils pulling behind his eyes, leading him somewhere bright and warm and teeming with joy.

    …

    Laughter. Laughter is the first thing he hears, bouncing around the corridors of Kaer Morhen, long before it was beaten to ruin and rubble. Geralt turns towards the noise, so foreign in its innocence. His eyes widen as they track two young boys, no older than seventeen summers. One of them has dark hair that flops into his bright golden eyes, he’s the one laughing louder with a crooked smile. The other one though barks out a laugh of his own, rough and stiff as if he were relearning the action. The silver of his hair reflects the light of the torches along the walls as he runs, chasing after the dark-haired boy with reckless abandon. 

    “C’mon Geralt, you big lug, you’re getting slow!” Geralt watches as the version of himself from long ago grimaces, pushing his head down and lunging forward, tackling the other and hitting the ground in a tangle of limbs with two low grunts.

    “You keep this up, Eskel, we’ll see who the little brat ends up wit-” Geralt’s words are cut off when Eskel twists around and wraps his arm around his neck, effectively leaving him breathless. The older Geralt can’t help the smile that creeps up his lips, watching himself try to wriggle out of Eskel’s grasp as his face reddens with the lack of oxygen. Gods, have I always been so stubborn? he thinks to himself.

    He watches as the young Geralt slaps Eskel’s thigh twice, the pressure immediately letting up as Eskel moves back. But not quick enough, for Geralt turns at the last second and pulls Eskel by the ankle, wrestling him back to the ground. They tussle for a while, evenly matched as they fight like waves breaking along a shore, pushing and pulling each other towards an impossible end.

    Well, not impossible. Geralt hears someone clear their throat pointedly, all three witchers reflexively freezing in their tracks. Vesemir enters the corridor, arms crossed and his mouth set with frustration. 

    “Boys,” Vesemir rumbles, his head tilting with impatience, “Mind sharing what this is about?”

    Geralt watches as the two young witchers glance at each other, silently agreeing to not say a word. The younger version of himself is leaning over Eskel, his hand wrapped around one of Eskel’s arms where he had been trying to wrench his grasp away from his chest. Eskel is on his back on the floor, his foot digging into Geralt’s chest where he had been trying to shove him away. 

    Vesemir sighs, shaking his head at the two boys. In retrospect, Geralt realizes that they must have been a terror for the old man, probably prematurely aging him a good century.

    “Is this about the kid?” Vesemir asks, his shoulders falling a bit as he tries to relax the other two into listening properly. “You should know that I already have the situation all figured out.” 

    Geralt almost laughs at the confused looks of the two young witchers, eyebrows furrowed until Eskel digs his heel into Geralt’s chest unexpectedly, knocking him onto his ass a few feet away. By the time he’s able to get back up, Eskel has darted away, careening back to the training yard. Vesemir sighs once more as the young Geralt gives chase, cursing colorfully as he runs. 

…

    “You sure this works for you, kid?” Eskel whispers, the moonlight pouring into the room and over his cheeks, unmarred by cruelty and misfortune. 

    Geralt watches as his younger self pads over to the pile of furs on the floor in front of the fire. He kneels down, peeling one of the furs back to peek inside. There, swathed in warmth and comfort, is a terribly young-looking Lambert, his eyes not yet golden, but still burning with wit and an unquenchable temper. 

    “It’s fine,” the pile of furs mumbles, yanking the cover to shield the boy once more. Eskel’s and Geralt’s eyes meet as they lay on either side of the lump in the middle, settling in to rest. They can’t help but feel like they lucked out, most older boys not getting their own shadow during training. They both know Lambert’s special, even if he’s a prickly asshole of a kid. 

    “Thanks for picking us,” Geralt murmurs, turning onto his side and letting the soft sounds of breathing and slow heartbeats lull his mind. He’s never felt so warm, so comfortable, so safe. These are his brothers, and he’s willing to walk through hell and back for him. And he knows they’d do the same. 

    “Whatever, go the fuck to sleep,” which is about as close as Lambert can get to actual affection. Eskel huffs a breath of laughter, a smile on his lips as his eyes fall closed. The older, present Geralt lingers, letting himself find that same warmth in the memory. He wishes he could stay here, soaking up the domestic peace that lives in this part of his mind. But he can’t, he has work to do.

…

    The pyre only smolders now, a faint pitter-patter of rain dampening the scent of death and sorrow in the air. In one heartbreaking day, the number of Wolf Witchers dropped from four to one, the medallion hanging heavy around his neck. Geralt lets his hair hang around his face, cold and shivering as the skies open above him. He feels a gaping cavern in the space where his heart should be, sucking every bit of energy and motivation from his mind.

    So, he thinks to himself, I guess this is what it’s like, not being able to feel.

    Geralt doesn’t feel grief, or anger, or disgust. He only feels empty, a dark void clawing at his chest as he rises, turning away from the fire where his family lies. 

    He walks through the halls, footsteps echoing in the rubble before he crosses the bridge that keeps the castle closed off to the rest of the world. He flips the lever for the final time, watching as the bridge rises before blasting the handle off and sending it careening to where no one will ever find it. 

    Geralt clenches his jaw, steels his breath, and puts one foot in front of the other, beginning the long trek down the mountain. This is how it should be, he thinks, Witchers aren’t meant for family, for warmth, for those feelings. 

    We were made to be alone.

    And the Path of the White Wolf is one that will always be walked alone.

[radramblog]

A Thousand Suns- Linkin Park Pt. 3

We’ve arrived at Linkin Park’s fourth album, and my personal favourite: an opinion I’m not sure how to defend, but I will do my best. This was the first album released by the band after I became a fan, in 2010, and continued the experimental progression that started with Meteora and continued through Minutes to Midnight. While one could argue that Minutes had some of those original two albums’ sound in it (e.g. No More Sorrow), A Thousand Suns pretty clearly marks the band moving on from their roots entirely.

Let me be clear: there is nothing on A Thousand Suns that sounds anything like Hybrid Theory.

A Thousand Suns is also a concept album, about nuclear war. It’s not especially subtle, but reflects a more conscientious mindset that would lead to the Download to Donate fundraiser songs the band would put out in the early 2010s.

The first track on A Thousand Suns is called the Requiem, being a mostly instrumental, eerie electronic piece that introduces much of the tone of the album. The album has a lot of these interstitial pieces, which vary in quality pretty heavily. The only lyrics in The Requiem aside from some spooky ooooooooohs are the introduction to another thing this album does, which is slowly build up to the album’s climax, the Catalyst- in this case, the lyrics are directly lifted from said song. While I really like this idea, and the lyrics fit the tone of the instrumental, I’m not a huge fan of…whatever that effect is on the vocals. I’m not even sure who’s talking beneath that filter.

The Requiem directly builds and leads into the second track, the Radiance- also an interstitial, featuring the infamous J. Robert Oppenheimer quote over an intense electronic beat. I actually really like this more than the Requieum, partially because I really like the quote, and partially because the backing gives it this sense of urgency that works really well.

Our 3rd track is the first actual song, Burning in the Skies. It’s lead by a fairly calm piano riff and chilled guitars, with the electronics from the Radiance slowly fading out. Burning in the Skies lyrically and sonically is a song of regret and acceptance, one that would have sounded much angrier had the band released it 8 or so years earlier. It’s also about the immediate aftermath of the bombs falling, a little poetic in descriptions with Mike’s verses (sung, not rapped) from a survivor’s perspective and Chester’s chorus seeming to be from the perspective of humanity as a whole. It eventually builds to a pretty sick solo in the riff, but it’s faded out compared to the piano and percussion- like the drama of the moment is faded compared to the more human element of the track.

Burning in the Skies feels like a natural progression from Minutes to Midnight’s calmer tracks, being a more refined, more directed, and thereby superior equivalent to songs like Shadow of the Day and Valentine’s Day. An album later, they managed to get this sort of song right.

Thus follows our 4th track and 3rd interstitial, Empty Spaces. Explosions and crowd noises, serving as a precursor to Wretches and Kings- except that song is track number 10. If I have one big complaint about this album, it’s that there’s too many of these- since Empty Spaces is literally 18 seconds, though, it gets a pass.

Following this, we have When They Come For Me. A loose drum beat, a harsh electronic buzz, into a heavier, swingy percussion introduce the song, and I kinda adore that last bit. This off-kilter beat serves as an undercurrent to the absolute bars Mike gets to throw down on this track. The whole song is basically a snarl at the fans wanting the band to go back to their old style, explicitly referencing their own work in Hybrid Theory and quoting Points of Authority, as well as nods to many other rap tracks from other artists around that era that inspired their work at the time. It’s the most vulgar song by the band so far- despite their edge, they actually didn’t get an advisory sticker until Minutes to Midnight- directly telling their wayward fans to “stop talking, start trying to catch up motherfucker” (Mishearing this lyric into “try the ketchup motherfucker” was a pretty fun meme at the time). This used to be one of my less liked song on the album, but it has grown on me hard over time, especially as I realised the harsh words didn’t actually apply to me.

Robot Boy follows this anger with calm, being a largely piano-driven melody of consolation. The first half of the lyrics essentially describe someone apathetic due to trauma and depression, while the second half is reassurance and support, eventually ending with the vocals effectively fighting against the mood of the song, thrashing with ad-libbed noise to break free from the oppressive drums and synths. It’s not a song I have a huge amount to say about, but I’ve found it really resonates with me personally. I’ve found this song genuinely comforting in lower times and moods.

Our next interstitial, then, Jornada del Muerto. This is not fucking subtle. On a song called Day of the Dead, on an album about nuclear war, we have a song sung in Japanese. I fucking wonder. The lyrics, by the way, are translated as “Lift me up, let me go”- again taken from The Catalyst.

Waiting for the End I think has ended up my favourite track on the album. We’ve once again got Chester and Mike on the same song again, with Mike’s delivery like nothing else seen so far, almost reggae-esque. The lyrics are tackling moving on, beginning again, and whether that’s from a relationship, from death, or from the apocalypse is left pretty vague. The song is essentially a slow build until it’s climax, where we’ve got the verse and chorus interweaved together for a pretty excellent moment. There’s something a little depressing there- “all I want to do is trade this life for something new” is not words I want to hear out of Chester’s mouth right now- but the tone is more on the optimistic side of nihilism- picking up the pieces and starting over rather than wallowing in grief.

Blackout is next, and this track is a lot of fun. It’s essentially a role reversal for the band’s lead vocalists, with Chester aggressively spitting and Mike being the calming voice in the bridge. It’s another more electronic piece, supported by an almost military drum beat, leading to an almost oppressive atmosphere between Chester and the instrumentation. Lyrically, it feels the closest to anything on Hybrid Theory, being a direct rant at an unknown second person, before the bridge breaks it down completely with Hahn flexing his old tricks once again, twisting and chopping both lyrics and instruments into unrecognizable shapes before leaving as suddenly as he entered. The last minute and a half of the song are completely different- slowly building the instrumentation as Mike sings an almost comforting melody, leading into the two harmonizing for the song’s finale.

Number 10, Wretches and Kings, opens with the infamous Bodies upon Gears speech by Mario Savio. It has the harshest electronic noise so far, almost screeching underneath the back-and-forth of Chester and Mike being opposite sides of the titular conflict. Mike’s bars are the King, the higher up, the crushing authority, with Chester being the voice of rebellion, an effect on his voice making him sound like more than just himself, a slight reverb as he represents the oppressed masses. It’s harsh, it’s intense, and it’s a bit odd on this album- though political songs weren’t really the band’s wheelhouse at the time, Wretches and Kings both fits on the album thematically and is vague enough that they get away with it. It ends with the same Savio speech, with more of it this time, followed by Hanh fucking around with the instrumentation in a bit that frankly feels self-indulgent more than anything.

Wisdom, Justice, and Love is our 11th track, and second last interstitial. It’s a bit silly, being a Martin Luther King Jr speech about the Vietnam War steadily edited to make the man sound more and more robotic. This feels kinda pointless.

Iridescent, then. This is the third and last song by the band to be used in a Transformers movie, with them shifting to Imagine Dragons instead after this, the cowards. The song pretty explicitly references the effects of a nuclear weapon (“a burst of light that blinded every angel”), but that’s not the long and short of what it’s about- the song is more about hope, and resilience, in the face of adversity. “Let it go”, referring to the anger and desperation such situations lead people to (not the Sierra Madre :v ). Were it so easy.

The song, like many, builds to a climax, though said climax is almost glorious in this one, with disparate elements and the entire band singing along for a bit, making it the high point of the album emotionally. I do say this knowing what the final song is like, we’ll get to that.

The last interstitial. Fallout. It’s kind of like a reversed version of The Requiem and Wisdom, Justice and Love- rather than lyrics from The Catalyst introducing Burning in the Skies, it’s the other way around, and the vocals get steadily less robotic over time- rather, a second vocal track fades in overlaid on the original.

The Catalyst is the climax the whole album builds towards. I was obsessed with this shit as a kid. Contrasting Iridescent, this is the hopelessness, the fear, the stress brought upon by the end of the world. It’s the old world fading away, as humanity begs for forgiveness for the sins committed by its worst members.

This is supported, by the way, by this really fucking cool electronic line, that I like a lot, with entirely electronic instrumentation building and shifting chaotically before falling away for the bridge. The bridge peels everything back, leaving just the little electronic rift and throwing real instrumentation in for the last gasp of humanity. A piano line comes in for the desperate lyrics- Lift me up, let me go, begging for death or salvation, whichever comes soonest. It’s a desperate, chaotic low to the hopeful high of Iridescent, a contrast that I only really noticed when writing this post. Hey look, I found more things to like about this, go figure.

A Thousand Suns ends with The Messenger, an acoustic ballad contrasting intensely with the rest of the album. It’s explicitly written by Chester to his children, as a light at the end of the tunnel- it’s much like Fortress by Queens of the Stone Age in that sense. I suppose that’s a good thing, but frankly, I actually skip this song on most of my listens of the album. It’s just so unbelievably hammy and oversung that I can’t help it- you can hear his voice breaking as he goes. Recent events have made it more painful than ever to hear it, so forgive me if I pass.

 I’m not sure if I can really put my love for this album into words. It ended up defining a lot of my early teens, for better and for worse, I suppose- and considering this is before I “got into” music, that means a lot. But those are a lot of words, largely about me loving the album, so I hope you can understand now why it’s my favourite one.

Next up: either Living Things/Hunting Party or some side stuff, I haven’t made my mind up yet.

[iamalivenow]

You've been fishing for the better half of the last day.

It's been pouring for the last four.

Typically you don't mind spending time in the woods, The Shroud is familiar in a way few places really are, and ever since you've gotten back from the First, since everyone else got back too, you've been clinging to that familiarity. You've flung yourself into a new hobby, to take your mind off things, but lucky for you, fishing can happen pretty much anywhere, which is why you've been doing it here.

When you fish, and you do fish for hours, your mind just goes blank and empty. It's astonishingly mind numbing, and makes an astonishing amount of money, and aside from the worried glances the other Scions give you when you see them after days at a time, there's really no downside to speak off.

You get so caught in the moment to moment of waiting for your rod to bob that you don't even notice the cold and the wet for the most part. It's the perfect activity for someone who definitely isn't extremely sad and tired all the time. Because that can't be you, right, you're the hero! Your friends are all back and safe and sound! And you definitely didn't murder a child, maybe! Or realize that some ancient version of you summoned a god into existence and actively caused all the harm and suffering in every reality. You didn't. Definitely didn't do that. And definitely don't continue to do that.

So anyway, fishing is good. If you had to think of a complaint, your tackle box is getting pretty heavy lately, so maybe you could clean that out sometime, but other than that.

It's been great.

When did the sun set?

You send a blip of aether to the end of your rod and it glows a gentle green across the surface of the lake you're standing at. You feel a tug, finally, and start reeling in, gripping the rod and tugging every few seconds- whatever it is feels big so you dig your heels in. The rain beats down as hard as it does, masking the movement of your line so you let yourself pull harder.

You can almost feel it break the surface as something pushes down on the back of your neck, hard enough to break your concentration for just long enough that the fish gets too much give and rips the rod clean out of your hands.

You spin around, already swinging at thin air.

“Who the fuck-” No one is around, probably not for miles, and certainly not at this time of night, not in this weather.

“Oh come now. You almost sound unhappy to see to me, hero.”

You're used to people monologuing at you, dramatic and from the shadows. And you'd be fine with that, any excuse to beat up the fucker that made you lose your expensive rod to the lake. You've need a good fight for a while now, maybe.

Except you're the one who said that.

Your mouth opened, and those words came out, and sure you've been standing out in the rain in the dark for hours and who knows when you've last eaten (or slept) but you've never hit this degree of-

“You think so quickly for how little you talk.” You say again- or rather someone- “Even in your more animated moods, I would never have assumed you do so much thinking.”

You've been possessed, it seems.

“Yes.” Your voice says, gentler, and you feel your hand lift up and someone else spread your fingers before clenching them tightly. “How did I never notice how nice your hands are?” There's really only one ascian who's ever been this familiar with you and his name catches in your throat. You laugh at yourself, turning to look around as if this is just a normal thing that happens. “It's alright, you can say it, I promise I'll hardly be offended.”

“You're dead.”

“Yes.”

“I killed you.”

“Yes.” It comes slower this time, and something clenches in the center of your chest.

“Have I finally lost it?”

“No. Well.” He makes you look down at yourself, and then lifts your face up to the rain. “Arguably.”

“How are you-”

“The veil is thinner here, someone had opened the lifestream in these woods before.” You think about Y'shtola for a moment, her body slipping back into reality, and you laugh again. “Twice? She's quite the abnormality, isn't she-”

“How are you-” You ask again and your hand comes up to your mouth, muffling yourself.

“Possession is easy.” You're whispering now, against your palm. “I only had to find you. And it's easier now. Though I must say, I expected you to be better taken care off.”

“Why?” Why now, why here, why not at any moment before-

“Well.” Your shoulders sag, and all of a sudden you start to feel the exhaustion you probably should have been feeling for a long time. “I would hardly want you too keel over because of your agonies.”

You feel the cold now, the wet, sinking into you and causing you to shiver. Or maybe your hands are trembling because you've not eaten in how ever long.

“What have you done with yourself- mm?” Your hands lift up again, pressing to your face. “I can hardly let you waste away for your own neglect. You're much too important.”

“I'm sorry.” You say because you've wanted to tell Emet-Selch that for a long time. “For-”

“You can be sad when you're warm. I'm rather fond of being sad in furs. Or in a warm bed. Love being miserable in a good bed.” Your legs start moving- you stumble for the first step, “Out of practice-” he says, but it's a smooth walk all the way back to The Roost.

He orders you a room, with a tub of hot water to be brought in, and a full dinner an hour later.

“Hades-” You say and your mouth shuts itself with out even the aid of your hands this time.

You're let into your usual room, and the tub is steam in the corner.

“Hades-” You try again when you're alone and you feel your head shake.

“I'm taking care of you.” He says, and it's not like you can argue. He smiles for you and starts tugging at the wet fabric of your clothes. “Has anyone ever taken care of you before?”

Your life flashes before your eyes, like he's looking through your memories, trying to find instances of kindness. Your can barely breath as you both come to a realization that no, not since you were a child, and isn't that pathetic. He forces you too sigh, to breath and lets you lean forward against the rim of the tub.

The warmth feels good- You haven't had a hot bath since The First- everything else has been dunking yourself in rushing rivers because it's faster.

“I'm sorry.” You say again, quietly and he sighs, exasperated. You can feel it-

“These dramatics hardly suite you.” Your fingers unbutton your clothes, and you forget to feel any kind of way about it other than sad. He nudges you- and it does feel almost external, like someone prodding a finger against your shoulder, and you get into the hot water. “Isn't this better?”

You lay there in silence and he seems content to lay with you. You wish you could see him- that he was really here, that you hadn't killed him. That just once diplomacy could actually have worked.

“Did you use to do this for me?” You don't know why you're asking. The me in that sentence isn't even really you. Or the other way around rather, because Azem was more parts of you than you are of them.

“Ha- You'd go to Hythlodaeus more often than me. On more than one occasion I would get mad because I thought you were-” Your hand waves in the air and it's so him you're almost shocked your wrist can actually bend like that. “Well. You weren't stepping out.”

“Was it because I didn't want to worry you?”

“That does sound like you, doesn't it? All your heroics.” And then he forces you to take a deep breath and dunks your body under the water. You sit until your lungs start burning and then you're allowed to come up for air. “I only ever insisted once.”

And then you're fed a memory, overlaid one of yours, of two figures, laid a top one another in a long pool. The figure the other was leaned on covered the other's face, and they were laughing about something- Nabriales, it sounds like.  

“You had left for a year, and when you finally came back the you had said the trip hadn't gone as well as you hoped. I can hardly recall a time I've seen you made more miserable.”

Azem seemed happy beside him.

“I'm sorry.” You say again and now you roll your eyes.

“Bit late for it now.” There's a knock at the door and you get up to let your dinner in. The robe the inn had was soft though not soft enough to keep Emet-Selch from commenting- and then you were sat slowly eating.

“Hey.”

“Go ahead.”

“Were you watching me the entire time?”

“After you got back.” He swallows. “It's been astonishingly dull.”

“It's felt dull.” You take bread in your hands and rip it aimlessly. He lets you, even if he thinks its a waste of time. It's easy to imagine a life with him, somehow, and you can't tell if it's Azem in the room with you or your own gut feeling. “I keep hoping your great grandson will come threaten to kill someone again.”

You huff a laugh and your hands drop the utensils with a clatter.

The confusion doesn't last long when you make to hold your own hand. You right hand, which has been heavy and out of your control loosens for a moment. He squeezes your hand and when you squeeze back its of your own volition.

You sit like that for a long time, in the quiet of the room. Someone comes by eventually to take the food and the tub out of the room, so you're left to sit on the bed in silence. It's comfortable, despite the absurdity of the situation. You can't help but wonder if Lahabrea and Thancred had any moments like this, which sends Hades into a fit of laughter. When he calms down, the smile that stays on your face is yours.

“Will you still be here tomorrow?”

“I think you'll be quite busy, tomorrow. You won't need me.”

“Even without knowing the circumstances of what tomorrow may bring, I disagree.” Because it's you, you think.

“Well.” You fall back on the bed, still holding your own hand. “If you come wasting your time with fish in the Twelveswood, maybe I'll ensure another fish steels your fishing rod.”

“It cost me a good deal of gil-”

“What a travesty.” As dry as ever, but you're both smiling. He closes your eyes for you, and you feel him try and slip away a few minutes later, the same pressure at the back of your neck. “Take better care of yourself.”

“Mm-” You say very intelligently as he plunges you into a full nights sleep.

The morning is busy and hectic, just like he said it would be.

It's easier to carry yourself than it has been a while.

[danetobelieve]

If You Can’t Do The Time, Don’t Do The Mime || Roland and Winston

Honestly, Winston wasn’t sure whether they were more stressed about how far behind they were on their college work or the mime that had tried to kill them the previous day. But they had to go into work and it wasn’t as if avoiding your mime stalker was a good excuse to not go into work, despite that the WCPD might well be the safest place for Winston. Still exhausted from their magical exertion the previous day, Winston took a deep breath and rubbed their tired eyes. They’d just finished digitising some old police records that Roland had asked them to do. Of course he’d seemed almost reluctant to ask them to do something so menial, but Winston didn’t mind. Done with their task, they went to see if there was anything else that they needed to do before they braved the trip home. Heading towards their desk, Winston frowned when they realised that they weren’t there. Turning to a passing officer, they smiled at Officer Ward. “You seen the Sarge?” they asked curiously. 

The morning had been going much like any other for Roland aside from the dispatchers radioing in a bunch of different calls regarding violent mimes. It had to be one of the strangest things he’d ever heard and he knew he was going to require another cup of coffee if he was going to make it through all these shenanigans. He was nothing short of determined to get these murderous mimes in a prison cell where they belonged. Apparently Langley wasn’t the only one to get the short end of the mime-stick. They’d definitely need to follow up with him and Dr. Kavanagh about this whole thing. He’d been pouring a mug of freshly brewed joe when he heard soft footsteps behind him. He turned around to Winston dressed up as a mime. Roland grumbled and furrowed his brow. What the hell was this kid doing? It wasn’t like them to goof around at work and given the circumstances, it was far from funny. “Winston, that is not appropriate work attire. I hope you have a change of clothes. I can’t bring you out on patrol dressed like that.” 

After getting directions from Redwood, Winston headed towards the break room where they had been told that the Sergeant had last been heading towards. They hoped that there was something more for them to do because honestly they were kind of starting to obsess over this mime thing and it really was pretty creepy. The town’s weird obsession with mimes was nothing short of grotesque at this point and if Winston never saw another one again then it would be too soon. As they headed towards the break room however they were distressed to find the door locked. Which was weird. Winston honestly didn’t even know that this room could be locked and as they peered through the tiny glass window in the center of the door they were horrified to spot a mime speaking to the Sergeant. “Oh fuck,” they whispered, trying the handle to the door frantically.

It was becoming quickly frustrating that they weren’t speaking actual words to Roland. Everything was being motioned out silently which was frustrating to say the least. If this was some sort of joke, he wasn’t amused and expected better from Winston. They’d always been nothing short of respectful before. What was all of this about? “Enough of the games, Winston,” he said gruffly. Winston didn’t seem to take very kindly to that and made an upset looking face that was accentuated by their hands clapping against their cheeks. “This isn’t funny, we have work to do. Go get changed so we can begin our morning patrol.” His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried not to lose his patience. Why was Winston animatedly walking toward him instead of changing? He didn’t know who put him up to this, but it was a far cry from humorous. 

Peering through the window, Winston rattled the handle harder. They dread to think what the mime in their would do, but it turned and looked over its shoulder for a moment and once more Winston was greeted with their face. Just in pure white makeup. The mime version would do something terrible if they weren’t interrupted soon and the fact that the door had been locked was definitely not something that Winston took to be a good sign. They knew that these mimes; wherever they came from; well they were dangerous and they could do what Winston could do and they could really hurt someone with that. Whatever they had planned Winston wasn’t about to let it go on as they saw the mime reach behind it’s back and slip what looked to be a hunting knife from it’s waist band. Winston wasn’t sure where they’d gotten it but as Roland said something that Winston could only barely hear, they knew that things weren’t going to go well. They had to get in there. But with the door locked their options were limited, could they break it down? Probably not. It looked heavier then they were and Winston wasn’t exactly known for their physical strength. 

Roland’s features twisted in confusion as Winston pulled a hunting knife out of their waistband. What the hell was going on? This wasn’t like Winston at all. As a matter of fact, he was pretty sure the intern actually liked him. Usually he wasn’t too popular with the kids, but he thought he and Winston got on well. “Winston, cut it out. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you need to stop.” The mime made a shrugging motion before quickly approaching him with the knife. Was Winston honestly about to stab him right now? This wasn’t right. Winston couldn’t do that. This had to be some sort of weird dream, but everything felt pretty real. As the mime lunged forward, Roland dodged to miss the very sharp and very real knife pointed at him. “Stop it right now! This isn’t like you, Winston, and you could seriously hurt someone with that thing.” Then something caught Roland’s eye, was that Winston in normal clothing out in the hallway? Was this just some mime who looked like them? Shit. Roland lunged to reach for the arm holding the knife, but just missed. 

As Roland lunged, Winston gripped the handle of the door tightly and reached out as best they could. Trying to get a sense of the tumblers and bolts in the door, it wasn’t a difficult mechanism and it didn’t take very long for Winston to get everything into place and then the handle turned with a loud click and Winston was bursting into the room. In the moment it had taken them to magic the door open they had missed Roland darting forward for the knife, the mime didn’t appear to have managed to stab Roland, but they were grappling or about to. Winston wished that Roland knew at that moment, because they had been practicing a binding spell and it would’ve been a perfect way to dispatch of themselves so that they could finally kill them … again. With a wild cry of “FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK” Winston shot forward and tackled their mimeself into the counter. “Oh, hey Sarge,” they said with a grunt as their glasses fell to the floor and they blindly tried to snatch the knife from the mimes hand. 

This whole situation had Roland’s head spinning. He’d been so sure that the mime was Winston. Had he really not been able to recognize them well enough to know that the mime wasn’t them? He knew Winston better than that. At the moment, he couldn’t fully ponder just what the hell happened. They were both in danger and he had a responsibility to keep Winston safe. He’d been shocked to see Winston tackle the mime into the counter. He knew one day soon he could be proud of that moment, but right now, dealing with the mime took priority. He rushed over to where Winston had the mime tackled and reached to slam down the wrist holding the knife. A crack could be heard as the mime’s wrist hit the countertop and the knife effectively fell out of its hand. Roland was quick to knock it out of the way and reached quickly for his cuffs while the mime was still being held down. 

Winston felt pain lance through their arm as it slammed against the counter top alongside the body of the mime. For a moment they struggled, equally matched in their strength as they were well, identical copies of one another. Winston knew that they would be okay though, Roland was there and he was a trained police officer who knew exactly how to deal with situations like this and sure enough it wasn’t long before there was a loud crack and the knife that had been getting worryingly close to cutting into Winston was knocked from the mimes hand without any sound. “Fuck, fuck,” Winston pulled away from it gasping for air and wiped sweat from their brow, “ah fuck, thanks sarge, fuck.” 

Once the mime was cuffed, Roland was able to relax a little bit. He’d manage to fulfill his duty of keeping the intern safe, but his mind was still reeling. His temples were throbbing and he clearly wasn’t thinking straight. Still, this mime needed to be put in a jail cell. “Think I should be thanking you. Your tackle made it easier for me to cuff them.” He was too embarrassed to ask Winston if the mime looked like them. The last thing this day needed was his favorite intern questioning his sanity. He walked out into the hallway with the mime in tow and handed him off to Officer Marks and said, “Please get this mime through processing. They just tried to stab me in the breakroom.” He turned back to Winston, “On that note, I’m going to be taking the rest of the afternoon off. Not sure I’m in the right state of mine to be patrolling. Wu or Stryder should be able to have you shadow them for the day.” 

“Well, they were brandishing a knife and I did one or two of the self defense seminars that they offer outside of office hours and it actually came in really useful.” Winston’s breath was catching in their throat, they were exhausted and sticky from the sweat that their brief encounter with the mime. They had been working out but they obviously needed to do more if they were out of breath from just that. They paused for a moment as they looked Roland up and down before nodding gently. “That’s fair, I think if a mime version of your intern tried to kill me then I would probably also just need to take the afternoon off, can I get you anything or is there anything you want me to do? Or should I just check with Marley and / or Jane?” 

“I’m glad you went to those seminars then. Thanks for the help,” Roland said somewhat hoarsely. He still felt off about the whole situation. The mime had looked so much like Winston and he’d been so convinced that it was them the first time he saw it. His head was pounding and he was definitely ready for a cup of tea on his couch while he tried to sort out what the hell just happened. They were looking at him and he knew he looked a little perplexed. Then Winston mentioned the mime version of the intern. So it wasn’t just him? “You thought the mime looked like you, too? I thought I was just seeing things. That’s an uncanny resemblance.” He shook his head, still sure he needed to sleep whatever was going on in his head away. “Check in with them. If they don’t need any help, you can keep working on digitizing all the old files.” 

“Yeah, I thought it looked like me, I think I had a run in with them earlier…” Winston swallowed at Roland’s next words. Their heart plummeted at what Roland had to say. They got it of course. It made sense. It wasn’t that Roland wasn’t giving Winston a fair shot or anything. It was cool. They understood. They were just a kid. They were 24 years old but whatever. The people in this place were good people, many of them the best kinds of people, they were Winston’s people. Their father had worked here so long that Winston almost knew this place as well as their home and the people here were a second family. But most of them had never worked out that Winston was more then just their father’s kid. They were more then just the former Sarge’s child. They could do things. Sure people didn’t know about the magic but Winston could use most of the tech here better then many of their co-workers. Obviously Roland was different and they hadn’t done any of this to make Winston feel that way, they had just had a knife pulled on them. “Cool, cool … coool,” they gave Roland a quick smile, “I can do that no problem at al. I hope you’re not hurt or anything, thanks for stopping it from stabbing me, ha, not a sentence I ever thought I’d say.” Real cool Winston. Real cool.

“You had a run in with them before? If you have any relevant information, please let processing know,” Roland said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. There was something off about that mime that’d he’d never seen in another person before. It left him feeling like there was some bigger piece to this puzzle that he was missing. More than anything, he needed to clear his head and come back at this fresh. He could tell Winston was a bit disappointed that he didn’t have an assignment planned for during his absence. Truly, he’d planned on taking them out during his patrol and having them figure out ways to start getting a better program in order for beginning to process reports out on the field. He let out a sigh, “I’m sorry, I did plan on having you go on patrol again with me today. I want you to get a feel for what we’re doing out on the field to see how we can better implement a program to start filing reports while out on the scene. If you have any ideas, you can draft them up for me to look over when I get back to the station. If Stryder or Wu are available, I would like you to get a better idea of what the current process is.” He much preferred they were out with him where he could be the one in charge of their safety. He shook his head, “No problem, Winston. Can’t say I ever expected to be attacked by a mime either, but here we are.” 

Roland was a good guy. Of that much Winston was sure. There were few people who were just trying to do the right thing. Of that Winston was becoming increasingly aware. “Yeah, they attacked me and my friends at Al’s with another mime, I’ll tell processing what I know. Want to make sure that no one else gets hurt.” Though something made Winston think that if a knife to it’s throat hadn’t done the job it was unlikely that a prison cell would. But one could hope anyway. “It’s cool, I get it, you were almost stabbed, probably not what you had planned.” They paused and listened carefully to Roland’s instructions before nodding a smile slowly crossing their face. Well at least they could make this better for whoever followed in their less then illustrious footsteps. “I’ll talk to them and see if they’ve got anything they think could help, and I’ll do some of my own research too.” They already had some good ideas where they could start.  “Thank you for that. I know I’m probably the last thing that you want to be thinking about but I do really appreciate it.” They fiddled nervously with their glasses and prepared to leave. “No, this town’s obsession with mimes and it’s reputation as the mime capital of the world really isn’t my thing. Never was. Definitely isn’t now. Kind of think that if I never saw another mime again it might be too soon.” 

Roland knew he’d be taking any mime related case files home with him to review after he had a shower and a fresh cup of joe. It wasn’t safe for him to be actively on duty when he wasn’t seeing things clearly. “Thank you, Winston. I’ll be looking into all this mime stuff and trying to get a hold of it. That’s three officers, an intern, and who knows how many civilians they’ve been violent with.” Something told him the mimes wouldn’t be inclined to talk, but something with this situation had to give. They’d need to up their patrolling to get these troublesome mimes off the streets. “Especially not in the breakroom of all places. On patrol, you always have to be prepared for things to go south, but you think you’d be safe at the station making coffee.” It was nice to see Winston smile at the mention of a new project. He’d have rather been there to be part of the process, but there’d be time for that. This would be a long term project. “Good, I trust you to keep busy with that then. I look forward to seeing what you come with.” As they reached his desk, he picked up his briefcase and put a few files in it. “I’d love to never see another mime, but somehow I think we’ll still be seeing plenty of them. Be safe, okay?” 

[jadekitty777]

Finally Over (Yet I'm Still Here)

Jesus almighty, that last post exploded beyond all my expectations. I’m very honored.

So… anyone want a fanfic? Completely based on my random speculation that Raven not only knows Summer is alive but is also protecting her in some way?

(Honestly, I won’t even say this is a good fanfic, not to my personal standards at least. But it had some great lines in it I just could NOT let sit on my hard drive for eternity.)

Rating: K+

Word Count: 1800

Pairings: Tai/Summer, Raven/Tai and (implied) Summer/Raven

Summary: After Summer’s last mission had gone horribly, irreversibly wrong, Raven had had to spend half her life protecting her, her secret and their family. Now, with the war freshly over, Summer can finally return to their family. And Raven, the piece that never fit, could finally leave it all behind.

So why did she feel like she was making a horrible mistake?

Ao3 Link: Finally Over (Yet I'm Still Here)

~

Finally.

After a long, grueling day taking down Salem’s forces, clearing the rest of Beacon of Grimm and re-securing the vault, that was the only thing Raven could think. Finally, this was over. Finally, the mission was complete. Finally, the truth could be told.

As they approached the auditorium, she looked to the woman she’d spent nearly two decades of her life looking out for. Summer was worrying her bottom lip, looking like she was more ready for an execution than a reunion.

“What’s that pathetic look for?” Raven snarked.

It didn’t snap her out of her anxious daze as much as she had hoped. “What if they don’t want me anymore? It’s been so long and,” She looked to her, “I’m scared Rae.”

Don’t look at me like that. “Oh, don’t give me that nonsense.” She huffed, “Tai was practically blubbering when you showed up. Qrow too. And the girls,” Raven faltered, but quickly picked herself back up, “Well, they’ll adjust just fine.”

They stopped at the auditorium doors. A quick sweep told her they were the last to arrive. Most people were inconsequential, even the ones she did know by name; but Raven’s eyes quickly landed on the small family that did. Qrow was by the wall, slouched over a bit. He was saying something to Tai. She studied him a little longer, taking in the weary lines along his face, the fading luster of his blond hair. He’d aged; she knew that of course, she’d seen him plenty of times on her visits, but she never realized just how tired he appeared, like life had unfairly thrown him through the ringer.

Ignoring the slight pang in her chest, she focused on their daughter instead. Yang’s voice practically boomed over everyone else’s, her shouts of joy echoing along what was left of the dome-like ceiling. She was swinging Blake around in circles. Their other teammate, the heiress, just looked perpetually exasperated. And Ruby –

Raven could tell Summer was staring at her the most. This small version of herself, knelt down on the ground beside the boy who had been Oz’s new reincarnation, in that kind and gentle way Summer herself always had for others. The boy had been knocked out during the fight; but it seemed he’d regained consciousness now, a hand on his forehead as he spoke to her. Another blond boy, the one she remembered had stupidly challenged Cinder back at Haven, was on his other side, healing him.

Ruby said something and almost anxiously looked around the room. Raven realized after a beat who she had to be searching for just as her eyes landed on them.

She could practically hear Summer’s heart stop. But even as Ruby got to her feet and started to make her way towards them, she didn’t even twitch.

“You’ve waited fifteen years for this.” Raven placed a hand on her back and pushed the frozen woman forward. “Go already.”

She stumbled a bit, almost looked back, but couldn’t tear her eyes away from her daughter long enough. As if in a spell, she walked forward.

The others had taken notice of her presence; before they could notice hers as well, Raven stepped back into the shadows.

As the two finally stopped in front of one another, she heard Summer start, “Ruby, I-”

Ruby didn’t even wait, throwing her arms around her in a crushing hug. “Mom!” With her back to her, Raven couldn’t see her expression, but she saw the way Summer crumbled, clutching onto her daughter’s cape. But it was the soft, “I missed you” that finally broke her down to tears.

And then she was babbling. Nonsensical apologizes and ‘I love yous’ that should have been apparent even if she said nothing at all. After spending so many years in forced isolation, only Raven for the occasional company, all to protect her family from the curse placed upon her, how could there be a question about it? It was ridiculous, but it wouldn’t be Summer if it wasn’t.

Qrow was nudging Tai now. He looked even more mechanical than Summer had, and even though he’d fought right beside her not even an hour ago, it seemed he still couldn’t quite believe she was truly in front of him. But his smile when she finally looked at him was-

Raven averted her gaze, not dwelling on it. And when she saw Yang moving too, she decided now was the best time to leave. Her job was done.

She turned away, heading back down the broken halls of Beacon. They reflected the way her heart felt.

But what had she been expecting, really? She burned her own bridges; regretting it was foolish. She had gotten what she had wanted, hadn’t she? She’d escaped the old tribe leader, Ozpin, Salem. Even Summer. She wasn’t a tool for anyone to use anymore. Her life was hers again, but she recognized all the things she gave up for that freedom. She couldn’t look back. Not now.

So caught up in her own thoughts, she didn’t realize anyone had followed her.

“Running away again?” Her brother’s flippant attitude was all-too familiar.

“Of course. I did my good deed for the year.” She said, shrugging her shoulders as if the task of hiding her best friend had been just as easy as the time she’d had to do some community service cleaning up trash at the docks.

“Doesn’t mean you have to leave.” How many times was he going to ask her to come back?

She sighed, looking over her shoulder. “Still on about that? What happened to ‘We’re not family anymore’?”

“Yeah, maybe I, jumped the gun on that one.” He seemed different. She’d noticed it while they were fighting together too; but now, close enough to really look at him, she realized how clear his eyes seemed.

When had he stopped drinking?

She turned away again. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Raven-”

“Goodbye, Qrow.” She hopped over the rubble of a collapsed wall to step out into the courtyard beyond. She looked to the sky, wide and empty and hers, took a breath as she got ready to morph.

And heard a scream.

“RAVEN BRANWEN DON’T YOU DARE.”

Fuc-!

She didn’t even get a chance to complete the swear before she was showered in white petals as Summer teleported above her, tackling her down. Raven felt the air whoosh out of her as she hit the ground and her weapon detached from her belt, clanking onto the concrete beside them. She stared at the clouds above her, grumbling heatedly, “What did I tell you about teleporting to me like that?”

“Wouldn’t have to if you’d act like a normal human being. What do you think you’re doing?” Summer scowled.

“Leaving.” She heard some rocks rattling, and a glance back revealed Qrow, Tai, Yang and even Ruby had followed. Followed Summer, that is.

“Well that’s dumb.”

“And this is awkward. Get off already.”

“No!” She jabbed her finger in her face. “Not moving until you agree to stay.”

What a brat. “Fine.” Raven said simply, sliding her hand to the side of them. A portal opened. Summer could only ‘Eep!’ as she wrapped her arms around her and rolled them both in.

She managed to readjust them in the short freefall, and when she came dropping out next to Tai, she was carrying the smaller woman bridal style. “Take your wife.”

He looked between the two of them. Grinned teasingly. “Which one?”

Really? She gave him an annoyed look, before tossing Summer. Tai was always a good catch though, and snatched her up with ease.

She ignored how perfect they looked together. “Let me make this easy, for all of you. No one owes me anything. Don’t feel obligated to ‘welcome me back’.” One by one she met everyone’s eyes as she continued, “Okay? Have I cleared everyone’s conscience? Good! Now that everyone is quite done being foolish idiots, I’m going to go.”

“That’s it?” Yang. She sounded furious. “You swoop in to come help us, drop in with – with, Ruby’s mom! And now you’re leaving again?”

That. Was. It.

“What do you want from me?!” She whirled on her. “To come back home and read you bedtime stories? Make your lunches?” Turned to Qrow. “What about you? Hoping we’ll relive the good old days breaking into raves down at the docks?” One more turn, waving at the space between herself, Summer and Tai, ignoring their expressions. Don’t look at me like that damnit! “And how would this even work, huh?! This is the problem, with all of you! You’re all too wrapped up with your emotions that you’re not thinking!”

There was a short silence, broken by a soft, “But, you are too.” Raven looked towards the speaker. Ruby, who had faced down scarier things than most could fathom, had no trouble meeting her eyes. “You’re so afraid that we’ll turn you away that you can’t imagine we aren’t.”

“No. No! Stop sounding like her!” She waved vaguely towards Summer, her voice so hysterical she hardly recognized it.

This had to be a joke. A cruel, cruel joke. If anyone wanted her back it was only to punish her for all the ways she hurt them. To pretend like they wanted her there just to pull out the rug underneath her when she finally allowed herself to believe it.

“That’s enough. When you wake up from this fantasy you’ve all created, you’ll be just as happy as me that I’m gone.” She started away from them, feeling her throat choke up. She had to go. Where was her sword? She needed to go.

Two strong arms wrapping around her stopped her. Tai smelled the same, like garden soil and cooking oil. “If you believe that, why are you crying?”

“I’m not.” She sobbed. “Shut up, go away.”

“Raven you are the most stubborn woman I have ever met. It’s your best and worst quality, ‘cause you let it drive you forward as much as you let it hold you back.” He laid his head against hers. His tenor was so gentle it hurt. “Please, stop holding back and tell us what you really want.”

She wanted – wanted –

A pop and a shower of petals announced Summer as she latched herself onto her as well. “After all the time we’ve been together, do you really think I’d just use you and leave?”

Yes!

No…

A hand on her shoulder. She caught the glint of Qrow’s rings in the corner of her eye. “Come on sis, just stay.”

Another one on her back. Metal. A second, smaller and warm and a bit tentative.

And around her tears and her fears, finally, finally, Raven told the truth:

“I want to come home.”

It was a nonsensical thing to say because she was already there.

[vicehectic]

Want Emancipation Ch (2/?)

REWRITE OF “THE CURSE OF THE SKY”

In one world Tsunayoshi grows up under a neglectful family and hardships and makes relations with people associated with death by force.

In another, Tsunayoshi grows up under a loving and caring father and uncle and welcomes those touched by death with open arms.

Or; Byakuran Gesso adopts Tsunayoshi at a young age and that changes everything.

Parts 1 / 2 / ?

Also on AO3 and Fanfic

-------------------------------

He’s been in a world without Tsunayoshi’s influence. It feels empty.

-------------------------------

Okay, maybe he wasn’t telling himself the exact truth. And that was a hard pill to swallow in it of itself. He hates to lose to anyone – even if it is himself.

Tsunayoshi is the name people whisper across most worlds.

(Sometimes it’s Ieyoshi, others it’s Tsunahime but it’s still Tsunayoshi – after all what’s in a name? Sometimes it’s not Tsunayoshi at all; whether it’s someone under the guise of Tsunayoshi or it’s someone completely different. Those worlds don’t last long. If they do there’s chaos rampart and no peace in sight.)

To the people that know about the worlds, Tsunayoshi is praised like a god. In some worlds he’s the end, the beginning, or a stepping stone in-between. Tsunayoshi is never all those things. Sometimes he’s two of those things and in the worlds that he’s both the beginning and the end; nothing really makes sense.

Tsunayoshi is the catalyst. Tsunayoshi is the tool. Tsunayoshi is the sacrifice.

In those worlds Tsunayoshi never truly feels happy.

In those worlds his significant other dies. Kyoko, Haru, Hayato, Takeshi, Dino, Kyoya, Bianchi, Ryohei, Hana, Renato, Fon, Cherep, Colonello, Nagi, Mukuro, Spanner, Shoichi, Azucar, Belphegor- The world burns because of it.

In those worlds his mother is dead. Nana targeted because of her connections to the mafia – it doesn’t matter if it’s before everything happens or after.

In those worlds, sometimes, it’s good his mother is dead, but his father dies along with her. Iemitsu’s heart is big like that in those worlds and the world burns because of it.

In those worlds his guardians die. In those worlds his guardians crack. The world burns because of it.

In those worlds Tsunayoshi doesn’t get a chance to get involved. Tsunayoshi either lives a short life or a long life of misery. The world burns because of it.

He’s seen all those worlds and maybe there’s something wrong with him, dare he say one of the defective ones, but he wants Tsunayoshi to get a break among all the worlds he’s in. He wants Tsunayoshi to feel satisfied. And that’s a goal that he will have to fight tooth and nail for.

There’s a reason why he let everything in this world work out the way it did. Other versions of himself will mock him for his laziness but they don’t see what he sees. Tsunayoshi is not a tool for them to control. Tsunayoshi is everything and it’s ridiculous how none of them have realized this before.

He’s been in a world without Tsunayoshi’s influence.

It feels empty.

-------------------------------

The blanket is slung over his lap and his hands are cradling the mug full of his uncle’s famous hot chocolate as he waits.

The soothing chatter of a mischievous voice and an exasperated voice reaches him, and it somehow makes the dozens of thoughts circling in his head come to a stop. Tsunayoshi Gesso just sits there and breathes.

It’s winter break halfway through his first year of middle school but that hasn’t changed their tradition to visit Italy every year with his uncle. Honestly, after the drama his class has been through in just the first semester, Tsuna is glad to get a break.

“How are you holding up Yoshi?” There’s a hand in his fluffy hair and he immediately leans into the touch, his eyes closing unconsciously as a smile comes to his lips. “Are you finally relaxing a little?”

Tsuna laughs, “I would, but we left dad in the kitchen alone and we both know that’s not a good idea.”

His uncle’s hand leaves his hair as he laughs with him, “Don’t worry about that, I used all the marshmallows for the hot chocolate. I’m not letting Byakuran have the chance this year.”

“Geez Sho-chan!” his dad whines as he pokes his head out into the living room, “You could have told me that! I’ve been looking for marshmallows for the past hour and a half!”

Tsuna grabs his uncle’s arm dramatically, “You don’t think he’s going to go insane because of marshmallow withdrawal, do you?”

Shoichi Irie, Tsuna’s favorite uncle, plays along, “Oh god,” he jokingly grabs his stomach, “I’m getting a stomach ache just thinking about it.”

Byakuran Gesso jumps out into the living room with a dark expression, “My best friend and my favorite son ganging up on me? I won’t accept this!”

Tsuna shrieks, but would forever deny it, when Byakuran tackles Tsuna into the couch and drags uncle Shoichi down with him, “You’re heavy dad!”

“Are you calling me fat?! What happened to my cute little son who followed me around like a little duckling calling me papa?!”

“That never happened, and you know it!”

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathee…..”

  -------------------------------

Yes. A world without Tsunayoshi is empty.

  -------------------------------

In most worlds Timoteo is barely a factor.

Timoteo Vongola is at his wits end. In his seventh and eighth decade he’s lost his three eldest sons and Timoteo is only getting older. His wonderful wife passed in his sixth decade and he wasn’t exactly as capable as he used to be – nor did he want to impregnate someone in his old age. Worst come to worst, Timoteo would tell the council to shove off and make Iemitsu Vongola Decimo – no matter what tradition said.

But Timoteo still has Xanxus. His beloved youngest son that was lost on the streets after one of Tolomeo’s many nights spent with common whores in the alleys of Naples. There was a reason why their mother chose Timoteo as Vongola Nono and not Tolomeo. In many ways Tolomeo bore much resemblance to the cousin twice removed of their great grandfather, Vongola Secondo, Ricardo, and that was passed onto Xanxus. Timoteo sees it in the slightest bit of wrath that Xanxus has in his flames but like Timoteo’s said.

He’s at his wits end.

Such a shame that Iemitsu’s child had died twenty-seven weeks in and his wife could no longer bear a child.

  -------------------------------

In a small fraction of worlds, he’s the catalyst of destruction.

  -------------------------------

Enrico is dead by an assassin, a bullet straight through his head so they have to cover his face at the funeral. His fiancé still cries over his cold body. The day of his funeral the Vongola all stand together in the Vongola graveyard with the Varia keeping guard despite being an assassination squad. Enrico wasn’t the favored heir to take on the mantle of Vongola Decimo, but he was reliable. He always said that Massimo was the one with the charisma of a leader. Enrico always rather preferred to be Massimo’s advisor and lead from the shadows. Massimo’s back is straight like his spine is iron and his is chest open in open defiance at the funeral – he doesn’t cry but the hands holding his younger brothers’ hands tremble.

Massimo is found dead in the fountain Chiavarone Ottavo gifted to Vongola Ottava as a poorly disguised courting gift. The fountain that is the center of the Vongola Mansion’s courtyard. Massimo is found dead in his pajamas without any signs of a struggle. The autopsy later shows that Massimo had somehow been heavily drugged and if he hadn’t died from the water in his lungs – he would have died from an overdose. His youngest brother is the one to find the body; poor Xanxus is found dragging his brother’s dead body out of the fountain and begging him to wake up. The event sends all of the Vongola into a frenzy to find the culprit and rats are killed on the spot. They still hold a funeral with lilies because its well known that Massimo had a preference to them. Federico looks so small as he holds his remaining brother so close. For the one to have screamed louder than Xanxus was Federico who crumbled at the seams at the sight of his pale brother’s corpse.

Federico is found dead with holes in him. After the death of Massimo, Federico was placed on intense watch. It takes years for Federico to even resemble the person he used to be. The last person in his family to have talked to him, after his father sent him out on a peaceful assignment to celebrate his return to the field, is Xanxus. He never returns. The party that went with him yell about a raid despite being unharmed and without any missing members besides Federico. He was the only one who died. According to his party he had welcomed death with open arms – he let himself get killed. Xanxus stands next to his father with twin guns engraved with “mi dispiace fratello”. The famiglia responsible for Federico’s death never sees the light of day because of him.

In some worlds Xanxus grows up loved by his older brothers and leads the Varia with intelligence of a leader from Enrico, with charisma he’s learned from Massimo, and with compassion from Federico. He recovers from the trauma the streets give and the way his mother had just abandoned him for a large sum of money. Xanxus learns how to be happy and be content in life.  

In those worlds his flames don’t burn with wrath. His elements are attracted to how warm his sky flames are.

That isn’t this world.

  -------------------------------

“Xanxus.”

Xanxus doesn’t have to turn to know that it’s Superbia Squalo who’s calling out to him.

“What do you want?” he grunts as he cradles the beer Federico used to love before he lost himself in his left hand.

Squalo doesn’t move to sit by Xanxus’ side and frankly, Xanxus doesn’t expect him too. Squalo just continues to stand behind him, a half step to the right so if he were to walk forward they would knock shoulders. Xanxus expects Squalo to stand exactly where he’s always stood.

Squalo doesn’t hesitate as he speaks. “Boss.”

Xanxus whirls around and the beer bottle almost cracks in his grip. “I’m not your boss anymore!” he practically screeches, “You’re the new head of the Varia dipshit!”

Squalo doesn’t even blink, “I pledged to follow you through thick and thin, boss. You may be a piece of shit at the end of the day but you’re the man I chose to follow. This… change in plans doesn’t change anything.”

Xanxus’ blood boils, “Are you fucking blind? You know that this is exactly what that bastard wants. The second he announces that I am to be his heir I’m fucking trapped. Everything we’ve done up to this point has been fucking useless.”

“So, you’re just going to give up?” Squalo shouts back, losing his calm composure – always being quick to anger. “Like hell you are!” he yells because he knows Xanxus just as well as he knows himself, “We aren’t going to be playing into his hands.”

Xanxus quells the anger in his chest to stop and narrow his eyes at the white-haired teen, “What do you know?”

Squalo grins wickedly, “If Timoteo is going to announce you as Decimo it’s going to be when you’re at least twenty – officially at least. We have time until then to figure everything out.”

“Figure what out?”

“We’re going to find another potential heir to the Vongola.”

The beer falls out of his hand, “If I wasn’t the only illegitimate child of Tolomeo then…”

Squalo turns on his heel, “Come on, shitty boss, we’ve got work to do.”

  -------------------------------

But this also isn’t the world that Xanxus goes on a revenge trip.

  -------------------------------

In most worlds Iemitsu leaves his family for his famiglia. In those worlds he usually loves the child he births with his significant other with all his heart.

In most worlds Nana is Iemitsu’s wife, but she’s easily replaced in others. In those worlds she’s usually an airheaded woman not capable of being a mother.

In worst case scenarios Nana shouldn’t be let out of an insane asylum.

  -------------------------------

It starts with the Byakuran in one world and even in the worlds that don’t have Byakuran as the wielder of Mare Rings, Byakuran becomes the wielder of the Mare Rings. Each Byakuran reacts differently from the onslaught of memories and insights of other worlds. In some worlds Byakuran thirsts for power and grandeur. In most worlds Byakuran simply wants to live an easy-going life.

The Byakuran of this world doesn’t turn a blind eye nor does he try to grasp everything that has potential as his. The Byakuran of this world has a bleeding heart and he sobs over the chest of his best friend and he’s inconsolable even for the practical they have the next day in their final year of University.

Byakuran Gesso scours the world looking for the one that calls himself Tsunayoshi and he never looks back.

  -------------------------------

“Are you sure that you want to go back to Namimori?” Tsuna barely hears his dad’s question as he walks between several spots in the kitchen trying to get everything ready for school as the minutes tick by. “I know the faculty said they were going to have a mental health assembly, but they just seemed like they wanted to brush everything under the rug as fast as possible.”

Tsuna laughs dryly, “The perks of public school,” he replied sarcastically as he opens the fridge looking for the water bottle he swore he put in last night.

“Exactly!” Byakuran cries as he stands on the other side of the fridge door, “You could have gone to Midori Private. It’s not like it’s only for girls anymore.”

Tsuna shifts his gaze away from his dad as he closes the fridge shut, letting his eyes settle on his Uncle Shoichi who just let out a huge yawn at the kitchen table, “Jii-san you didn’t have to wake up just to see me off.”

Shoichi immediately jolts and wipes the drool that leaked from the corner of his mouth. “Of course I do! It’s not everyday you head back to school,” he finally says after gathering his composure.

“I mean, it’s not like it’s my first day, I’m just heading back after winter break.” Tsuna shoves the black bottle into the bag that’s sitting in the seat across from Shoichi, “You were up late last night, right?”

Shoichi looks sheepish as he rubs at the back of his head, “Haha, just a little later than usual.”

“Yoshi,” Byakuran calls out gently and Tsuna turns because he’s weak to moments like this. And Tsuna’s supposed to be the one with the puppy-dog eyes. “Promise me if you feel uncomfortable at school that you’ll tell me.” Warm hands rub his shoulders, “I just want what’s best for you.”

“Yeah,” Tsuna says, “No problem.” Even to him his words sound hollow.

Byakuran’s eyes bore into him but his dad doesn’t push it and just embraces Tsuna in a hug, “What am I going to do when you grow up and leave me, kiddo?”

Tsuna cracks a smile at that, “Like I’m going to disappear from your life just because I’ve grown up dad.” He breathes in the relaxing scent of marshmallows and orchids, “We’re family and family sticks together.”

His dad pulls back and kisses the top of Tsuna’s fluffy head, “Get going kiddo or you’re going to be late.”

Tsuna grabs his bag off the chair and gives a sarcastic salute, “Yessur.”

“Have a good day Yoshi!” his uncle calls after him as he steps out of the house.

Tsuna very much doubts that it’s not going to be much different from most days at Namimori Middle.

  -------------------------------

Tsuna doesn’t want to tell his dad that the assembly goes just like how he expected it to. The whole thing feels bland and useless as students are invested in their own little conversations and the teachers look bored. For Christ’s sake the mental health counselor is sleeping!

For a second, he regrets not taking his father’s offer to attend Midori Private School, regardless of the low percentage of male students due to only having allowed male attendance the year before, but Tsuna knows that if he wants to live as he does at school then Namimori Middle is the perfect place for him.

Even if he knows how toxic the environment at Namimori is when he takes one cursory glance at the first years around him and doesn’t see the student that had tried to commit suicide at the end of last semester.

  -------------------------------

 NOTE:  I'm so sorry for the late update but I got swamped with the weeks leading up to finals and then finals at the end of June. As soon as my finals ended I went on a trip and I've just been recovering from that. I've also been writing scenes for this story and "Vongola Vigilantes" at the same time but the scenes also don't make sense chronologically so I have a lot of mess I need to piece together later for each story. Hopefully I will update quicker next time. Thank you for the love and support I've gotten already! I really appreciate it!

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X21 AND 3X22 - “Snow Drifts” AND “There’s No Place Like Home”

Watch what happens when Miss Swan tries to EMMA-ncipate herself from Storybrooke! 

Bwahahahahah!!!!

Anyways, let’s do the time warp agaiiiiiiiinn!

You better WATCH yourself because we’re going back to revisit the Season 3 finale below the cut! XD

I’m sorry this is so late! Super Smash Bros Ultimate kind of stole my life for a few weeks, but I’m back now!

Press Release

While Mary Margaret and David celebrate the naming of their son at a coronation in Granny’s Diner, Emma and Hook are pulled into Zelena’s time portal and find themselves in the Enchanted Forest of the past. But in their quest to discover a way back, they must be careful not to change ANYTHING or risk altering the lives of their friends and family – as well as their very own existence.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past/Present/Everything (?) XD

“Back to the Future” is my all time favorite movie, so is it any surprise that I fucking love this two parter? No? Well, good! Now let’s talk about why!

Revisiting this finale really shows me just how many story and plot points were set up in those first few minutes in such a natural way. This is easily one of the tightest finales in the show’s history in that regard. The story and plot here is so well paced. Never does anything, even for a second feel off or poorly spoken or anything of the sort! It’s just good! The absolute best instance of this is the two Hooks scene. Like, that was just so fucking CRAFTY for how Killian and Emma organize and enact the plan to get Snow to work for him.

I like how the opening of the episode finally lays out all the cards: Emma’s decision to go back to New York is a selfish one. She plainly admits this and spells out why. It’s framed as a bad thing to do and the episode’s goal is to tackle that. It’s the heart of the episode and it’s incredibly effective thanks to those opening shots that show just how much pain Emma’s been in throughout her past.

Oh my fucking God, all of the actors are just amazing here! EVERYONE gets a great moment! I talk a ton about Emma and Jen, obviously, so let’s give a shoutout to the others! Robert Carlyle gets to put all of Rumple’s delicious character aspects on display, from Rumple’s silliness to Mr. Gold’s snarkiness to both of their more sympathetic sides. Lana gets some fucking delicious ham as we see her Season 1 Evil Queen come out! Josh pulls off the perfect mix between being everything that Prince Charming is supposed to be with a more modern snark that makes him human. The same goes for Ginny, though the placement of this episode has Snow showing off a more believably cynical side to the character, which she nails! Jared Gilmore performs a fantastic Henry, understanding though still always tugging at Emma to come and stay home. Emilie de Ravin’s heart and soul during the wedding scene is just so present, so much so that I just feel myself bursting out in tears throughout the whole scene. And Colin, who boy! Colin had to take on two versions of himself and every moment of that was just delicious!

”Lovely ball the other night.” ...Is this to say that there was a day break between Emma being caught by Regina’s guards and being put in her cell? It makes sense, but WOW! I never thought of it like that!

The execution scene. The fucking kills me. I know Snow’s alive, but I don't fucking care. I still feel every bit of that sense of dread and disgust as the fireball takes her. And how that affects Emma, she can barely speak and when even the possibility of Snow being alive comes to light, Emma’s immediately back to full energy! Emma’s love for Snow is such an effective driving force behind the solving of her conflict of finding home. The moment that choked me up this time was Emma shouting “you’re alive” to Snow right before hugging her. Just...and then we have to sit on the reaction when Snow doesn’t recognize her. It’s just too much.

And Emma’s revelation. I love how slow and emotional the moment gets to be as she tells Killian why she wants to stop running and how she values her mother and life in Storybrooke. It’s so heartbreaking and heartwarming in the same vein. It’s this gentle breakdown that understands that yes, Emma has been selfish, but she wants to do and be better for everyone, including herself. She wants to be like the rest of her family. She wants to be a part of something. And the smile on hers and Killian’s face as she comes to terms with that lesson...it’s just the best kind of payoff! And then the reunion, accompanied by that GORGEOUS melody as Emma finally remedies her behavior towards her parents. It’s one of the most beautiful moments in the entire show.

So let’s talk about Baby Neal briefly, or rather, his name. This is one of the most contentious points in the entire fandom. I...don’t love it (but don’t hate it), but only because Snow and Charming didn’t interact with Neal all that much. Had they had any meaningful time together, I think this naming would’ve been not only good, but great. Even still though, I don’t really care too much one way or the other. I’m one of those people who is completely fine with kids on this show being named after the dead. Maybe that’s because it’s the case in so much of the other media that I’ve seen throughout my life and apart of the Jewish culture I grew up with, but I don’t understand the fandom’s hangup with that reason for names. People are named after the dead. It’s not that big of a deal.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Guys, that is just cruel and unusual punishment to make all of the kids stand outside and watch a kid get adopted right in front of them. I get they’re trying to be polite and inspire hope, but they’ve GOT to know that that’s difficult for the non adopted kids to watch! Like, the actual fuck?!

-Dammit. The cameraman who kept the shot on Emma as she sees a kid driving off with a new family fucking is an evil genius and fucking WRECKS me! *sobs into infinity*

-Do you think Lucy had a coronation ceremony?

-Potluck at Granny’s, huh? I don’t know if that’s good because you’re thrusting less work onto Granny or bad because you’re denying her the business.

-Okay, I know Emma’s running away from her problems and all, but that retort about Snow and David stalling for time was fucking hysterical! XD

-Robin, that is one luxurious spread! But why are you guys sitting on the floor?! Don’t you know that Regina’s a queen and a bit more refined? XD

-”I would’ve walked through hell to be with my Marian again.” ...Dammit. I really want a Robin/Marian Underworld fic.

-”That [vault] was only for the most dangerous and unstable magic.” Then that sounds like a GREAT place for the dagger! “And this doesn’t qualify?” “No.” YES!

-To tell you the truth, I guess when you factor in both Rumple’s sacrifice AND the fact that he’s scary powerful, it makes sense that Maurice would bless the marriage. Like, he’s still a shit person, but the decision makes sense. I do feel though like they just stuck him in so that there was one extra person at the wedding, but I’d honestly think Ruby would’ve been a more appropriate choice since she was closer to Belle and even helped out Rumple on occasion, especially since she was actually in the episode.

-The entire back-and-forth about the origins of Snowing is the greatest thing in the world! XD

-KATHRYN! My sweet cinnamon roll!!! You look so happy and you’re talking with Best Matriarch!!! <3

-Okay! The Captain Cobra moment here is so fucking underrated! Henry trusts Killian with his fucking storybook! Like, this book just gave him back his memories and Henry trusts Killian with it to help his mom! Just...YES PLEASE!!!!

-”Stubborn like her...all of our family.” To be fair, have you MET your family, David? That correction is pretty accurate.

-”She would curb any homicidal tendencies.” ...I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works, mate!

-I love RC’s “oh shit” face.

-...To tell you the truth, now that we know Zelena survived, that corrupted footage isn’t that far off the mark.

-”You defeated the bloody Wicked Witch. You defeated Pan.” ...You’re not fully on the mark, Killian, but I do agree that she had a big part in taking them down.

-I LOVE THIS FUCKING MIRROR LAKE!

-Lana! Lana! There’s so much beautiful ham here and I love you for it!!! This scene where she’s intimidating the villagers! Just...this is perfection!

-BOOBS! I mean...Emma’s EF attire looks great! ...BOOBS! <3

-I just LOVE Emma’s smile as she watches the set up for her parent’s first meeting. Like, I legit reared up because that smile alongside the Snowing theme just...it was fantastic.

-”It’s a miracle you two fall for each other.” I love that ‘da fuq, Emma’ look Killian gives Emma.

-I love that look Killian gives Emma when he says “me.”

-...Damn, Killian looks good funny encased in shadows.

-And then he has to say “privacy” in only the way Killian Jones can do.

-”Ooh confidence. I like it.” And I like your confidence. ...Damnit, OUAT men! Stop being so attractive!

-Regina just ROCKS her every entrance!

-”It’s all about the tumblers.” I spell it differently, but I feel you, man. XD

-I love the way Neal describes his past with Rumple. The tragedy of their separation comes from the fact that they loved each other so much, but Rumple couldn’t overcome his demons in a way that could help them stay together.

-I LOVE this Captain Charming scene. The bros are so supportive of one another, though David doesn’t fully grasp who Killian is to him!

-”Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up with them again.” ...That hurrrrts!

-Ruby is such a badass!!!

-”Hook!” How strange must this nickname be to everyone else in this room?! XD

-*Snow sneaks up on Regina* Oh SNOW you didn’t!!! XD

-Aww! I love that Red Snow hug!!!

-You know, I really like the design of the trolls and am sad that they weren’t used more often.

-”I’m devilishly handsome again.” Yes you are!

-Gee! Is that urn important?

-I love both Rumple and Emma’s reactions to Neal’s name. That subtle happiness, especially on Rumple’s face, is just so beautiful!

-So I have so many feelings on Killian ‘ditching his crew.’ I actually wrote an entire fic about it. BUT that having been said, I think the choice he made was the right one.

-Archie, they’re getting married, not going ice skating. Wear a fucking suit!

-I can’t get as swept up in the OQ tragedy because Roland says “mama” and that is too fucking cute!

-Okay, that reveal of Elsa was SO FUCKING WELL SHOT! I love the slow buildup to her reveal, from the icy blue liquid in the urn to the forming of her dress to the shape of her hair to the dismissal of the liquid and finally, to the reveal of her powers! What an EPIC intro! Best one ever! Now I know you’re upset about that, Regina, but you just have to *takes deep breath* LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (And THAT’S how you close out a season!)

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

Emma Accepting Home - So look, I love how every season touches upon another aspect of Emma’s acceptance of people into her life, but on some level, I do get how the fandom got sick of it after a certain point. I firmly believe that this was the best and ultimate moment of culmination of this aspect of Emma’s character. That’s not to say that I didn’t like it in other seasons. Fuck no, I loved it in other seasons, but this was the best handling of it. The idea of those Emma loves and their philosophies on home and family all come together in this beautifully blended way. Emma’s parents, Henry, Killian, Neal, and more all contribute to her outlook on her life in Storybrooke and how her walls can be detrimental. And seeing Emma realize that makes for such a beautiful journey.

Killian’s Redemption - “That man sitting there, you don’t know him. Just be careful.” I feel like this line speaks to Killian’s improvement. He doesn’t want someone he cares for to see how lousy he was. And Killian’s redemption really gets its proper payoff here. With many of his past wrongs righted, Killian is finally given appreciation for helping get Emma back to Storybrooke. I think there’s an added layer to “you traded your ship for me.” Basically, Emma has to press him unyieldingly in order to find this out, meaning that he was never going to tell her on his own. He was willing to give up his home and have the act go anonymous.

Regina’s Redemption - ….Fuck. So, I’ve gone on about how I loved Regina’s Redemption this season. That is completely true. And this is where we take a GIANT step back. I GET that Regina feels resentment towards Emma. In this episode, it’s even at an okay level. BUT, going forward, this gives way to perhaps my least favorite Regina arcs. Thankfully, it only lasts for five episodes and I like the handling of it in the first four...you know what? We’ll talk about it when we get there! Apart from that aspect, I felt like Regina had reached a good place here! Her character is becoming more concrete.

Rumple’s Redemption - This is one of those episodes where Rumple’s decision to hide the real dagger and the truth about Zelena’s death makes things really sticky. And don’t forget, I was on his side for her death, but now’s the time to come forward! Apart from this aspect of it, something not at all glossed over in the episode itself, Rumple is framed as good. His wedding is a moment of character payoff and the happiness he feels as he gets married and Snowing’s son is named after Neal feels earned in a lot of ways. And the weirdest thing is that that’s Rumple for you: Undeniable someone with a big heaping helping of darkness, but a fuckton of character in there too. Like, this doesn’t ruin the episode by any means, but it’s there and it’s weird.

Neal’s Death - “Home is the place when you leave, you just miss it.” I think it was a fantastic story element to make one of the most poignant and thematically present lines in the episode something Emma learned from Neal. Not only that, but even some more of Neal’s minor advice comes in handy, like how to unlock the prison cell!

Favorite Dynamic

Emma and Killian. ...Look I work hard not to incorporate too much shipping into the meatier parts of the review and I’ll keep the romance out of it, I promise. So just give me this one. Cool beans? Cool beans. But seriously, I do actually have completely non-shippy reasons to love this dynamic as it works in this episode. For a time travel story to really work, there needs to be at the heart of it characters who know what’s going on and can interact with one another. It’s the most important dynamic in the story and if they fucked it up, the rest of the tale would’ve fallen apart, but thankfully, with Emma and Killian together, the special thrived. Killian and Emma both bring something to the table. Emma brings that fresh face and serves as a focal point for the story. Her naivete of some of the fairy tale elements and personal relationship to the people from the past is what keeps the story going and engaging. And Killian in a lot of ways helps to keep her grounded. While he cares deeply for Emma, his existence is not the one on the line and his lack of a familial relationship allows for some space between him and the events. He gets to be the clear thinker when Emma panics and her guide since this is his world as well as the voice of reason. And in return, Emma gets to perform the cool stunts, save people, and stand up to the past version of the Evil Queen. She even gets to save Killian’s ass in the case of royal balls and keeping his past self distracted. Together, they get to bounce around ideas, make jokes, and share moments of revelations that other characters in this episode aren’t and can’t be privy to. These two characters come together and make for a good and balanced dynamic for that reason. Additionally, Jen and Colin’s chemistry allows for a balance between things being lighthearted and serious when they need to be. Whether you like them as a couple or not, I don’t think it can be denied that they are the reason for why the main story was as entertaining as it was.

Writer

We have four writers here, two per episodes. David Goodman and Robert Hull worked on “Snow Drifts” and Adam and Eddy wrote “There’s No Place Like Home.” And they all did so freakin’ well! You can tell how careful these guys were with most every writing decision ever made. They managed to rework a fantastic episode, “Snow Drifts,” while still keeping to the dignity of it at the same time. It gels so well into also being a family story and allowing for as many fun character interactions as possible.

Rating

Double Golden Apple! What more can I honestly say? It’s as close to perfect as OUAT can get for me!

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

CAPTAIN SWAN, MOFOS! - THERE IS A REASON THIS BEAUTIFUL EPISODE IS CALLED THE CS MOVIE BECAUSE HOT DAMN IT IS A CS MOVIE!!!!! As I said in the “Favorite Dynamics” section, Killian is a constant source of support for Emma. He knows that she belongs with her family, respects her ideas, and challenges her. And just, let’s get through the moments, okay?! Like, he goes through a time portal for her! “One of these days, I’m gonna stop chasing this woman.” The fuck you are, buddy. You’re chasing her for all eternity! And just, he’s got her. He keeps her sane as she freaks out. He helps her relax. And just...the LOOKS he gives her! Like, look at how they joke around when Emma changes clothes, those little flirty looks! XD And speaking up, how about that loosening up of the corset and “you and I both know I’m his type?” Because that kills me. It utterly kills me! Someone drag my soul out of the Underworld because that scene destroys me in the best way possible! And the dude gets jealous of Emma kissing his past self, so fucking jealous that he needs to take his-fucking-self out! XD AND NOW WE GET TO THE BALL! THE FUCKING BALL THAT OWNS MY ETERNAL ASS! First, look at those smiles as Killian compliments Emma. THEN look at how Emma covers for Killian like a mofo’in boss! FINALLY, THE DANCING. IMMORTALIZED IN THE BOOK FOR ALL TIME IS MY FAVORITE CS MOMENT! EMMA GETS TO PLAY PRINCESS AND FEEL LIKE A ROYAL. KILLIAN GETS TO TREAT HER TO SUCH AND TEACH HER HOW TO WALTZ. AND THEY”RE SMILING AND HAVING SO MUCH FUN. IT”S PERFECT! HONESTLY PERFECT! Okay, I’m semi-recovered from that. Now, I also LOVE how Emma holds that ring to Killian and it looks just SO much like she’s proposing! And THEN “I’d go to the end of the world for her. Or time.” Just...you need to stop loving Emma so much because my heart cannot take it! And notice Emma’s smile when she says “Hook.” Then, we get an interesting callback to the Neverland Arc. When Emma asks Killian about his brother, Killian’s unwilling to talk about it, but here, knowing she needs that, he tells her what she needs to know. AND “I always knew there was a little pirate in you Swan.” She’s certainly getting there! And just...I love how Killian’s both harsh and gentle with Emma as she has her moment of realization. And THEN, Emma, after being with Killian for most of basically two or three days, goes out to see him again because he’s all alone! Just...the confession about giving up The Jolly Roger for love. I love how Killian never intended to reveal this and how Emma knows the weight of that choice. It just makes the subsequent kiss so satisfying!

Rumbelle - Oh yeah...There are other couples in this episode too! XD Sorry, but yes, I ADORED the Rumbelle in this episode. Like, in the past, I love how Rumple gets so embarrassed by Belle thinking that he talked about her and how he dismissed her. It’s so cute! And now, that wedding! That wedding! Just...what can I say about these vows? They’re perfect. The editing allows them to encompass every other couple while the lines are still completely their own and work perfectly for Rumbelle as a couple. Rumbelle is every other couple at their best and worst, a mix of best and worst traits and I feel like this wedding is a celebration of that fact. On a funnier note, I love how Rumple and Belle didn’t even wait for the fucking “I do’s” and just went at each other with  a kiss!

Outlaw Queen - Robin and Regina’s office picnic is so adorable and honest and open and beautiful! Like, they put everything on the floor, emotionally speaking.

Robin/Marian - Talking about Marian is difficult when you know that she’s actually Zelena, but this episode allows for her mostly to be herself, allowing for an accurate take on her. And to tell you the truth, I like this couple in a lot of ways. I love how much Robin misses Marian and that while he has moved on from her death, still cares for her so deeply. And Marian adores Robin! As soon as she’s free, she basically says “fuck it” to the stipulations of her freedom in order to be with him and Roland. Their love for each other is such a subtle and prevalent thing!

Snowing - Okay, so before we get to the past, let me say that I LOVE all of the Snowing banter at Granny’s! You can just TELL that a couple’s truly great when they can just joke and bicker about how they met and they have that down in SPADES! And in the past, I love the care that went into re-making Snowing’s story, but in a way that was still true to the original version. Though Emma, Killian, and Rumple are pulling the strings, Snow and Charming’s love is so carefully made to be all their own doing and that was so important. And I love the mix of new and old content so much. The repetition of lines just shows how true Snow and Charming’s love really is! And honestly, there’s something so special about Snow and Charming’s daughter being the one to bring them together!

Golden Hook - ...There’s so much FOETP goodness in here. Just, those hate-filled looks in the forest, that suffocation, the quips about burying the hatchet! There has never been true hate in all the lands! <3 Also, when Emma asks about how Killian got his hook, Killian’s next response is to say that she knows “who he is.” This hook and it’s origins, Rumple, are who he is.

Swanfire - That amusement park date was too cute and I really love how Neal’s advice is something that sticks with Emma. It shows Emma’s nuance as a character, as she can accept good and bad things about Neal, even during periods of time where she hated him. And I legit fucking BAWLED when Emma was telling Rumple about how she loved Neal and how he was a hero. Like, just...don’t talk to me! That was too much!

-----

Again, I am SO sorry this review took so long and wasn’t as deep as some of my others! Super Smash Bros, guys. Fucking dangerous. There was more that I wanted to talk about in this episode, but I’d rather you get the review than spend any more time! Thanks, as always, to @daensarah and @watchingfairytales!!! Love you guys so much!!! Hopefully, I can get the Overview done within the next few days and then we can get to season 4!!!!

Season 3 Total (207/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (59/60)* Kalinda Vazquez (34/40)* Andrew Chambliss (42/50)* Jane Espenson (28/30)* David Goodman (39/40)* Robert Hull (40/40)* Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (28/30)*

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Links to the rest of my rewatch will no longer be provided. They take posts with links outside of searches and I spend way too much time on these reviews to not give them that kind of exposure. Sorry for the inconvenience, but they still can be found on my page under Operation Rewatch.

[the-writing-bird]

Happy Ending

I was always told growing up that I should never fall in love, my heart would always be broken. There would never be someone worth putting the time of a relationship into. It’s not like I really could in the first place, it almost seemed like my parents moved us to a different area of the country as soon as I started to settle in.

That is until we moved to Brooklyn. For reasons I would later know of Brooklyn was the place that we actually stayed at. I was fairly young when we moved in, about the beginning of my teenage years. We were in a small apartment near the center, easier access to every exit I was told.

Eventually, I was forced to go to school after the many years of homeschooling by my mother, I didn’t question it. After the first few days, I noticed that there were the same two boys who walked the same path I did. I would go talk to them but I’m not exactly the most outgoing of people, more the opposite. I was always told to hide in the shadows and not draw attention to myself.

After a few weeks of quietly walking behind them by a few feet, usually reading a book and just following their loud noises towards the school and taking the occasional glance towards their feet to be sure I was still with them. When one day I heard the words I never wanted to hear, “Are you following us?”

This one question forced me to begin to interact with these two boys. I looked up from my book to get the first look at their faces, I mean I have been following them from behind. One was fairly average looking, brown hair blue eyes, the other a little more on the scrawny side with blonde hair and blue eyes.

“In a way, yes, but it’s not like I have a choice.” I mean, I kind of have to get to school too, and this was the only route.

“What does that mean?” Man, this one with brown hair has questions on questions.

“I have to get to school somehow it’s not like I can fly or teleport.”

“Then why don’t you walk with us? It’s not like we bite.”

“I know you don’t, just didn’t want to intrude on anything.”

“You can’t intrude on anything when the past few days we’ve mainly been talking about you… okay, that sounds a little creepy…” Which was followed by a head slap from Blondie, who spoke for the first time.

“What my friend meant to say was, we’d like you to walk with us. I’m Steve,” while he held out a hand for me to shake, which I more just looked at since both my hands were full.

“And I’m James, but I prefer Bucky,” said the other one while shoving Steve’s hand down and sending a full grin towards me.

“I’m Dolores.”

And off we went on the first of many not so lonely walks to school.

It’s now been a few years since I met Steve and Bucky that one morning. It took me a good few weeks to get used to being part of the conversation rather than just occasionally listening to it, but I grew used to it, and it would probably be weird not to hear it every weekday that we went to school. And today would be the last day that we would walk this route, it was our final day of high school after all. Well, technically Steve and I’s, Bucky was a year ahead of us and graduated last year, the lucky son of a gun. Truthfully Bucky and I just wanted to skip out on going back, what all could they really do to us if Steve and I missed the last day? But with Steve being the goody two shoes he is insisted on going in, and neither Bucky or I would let him go alone.

Steve has been talking about going into the military when we graduate, and Bucky decided to join him. With both of them heading into the military, I didn't really want to be left here all by myself, I decided to join them in enlisting, much to their objections.

"Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter," I said as we were walking, kicking a stone along with me, "No more orders from teachers, just orders from Generals."

"Who are basically our teachers," and there is the ever so often smart ass reply from Bucky.

"Touche"

Steve just walked with us, chuckling at our arguments, which happened more often than it would seem, but they were all in good fun. Steve and I went through our last day of high school, while Bucky was off somewhere doing god knows what. Actually, probably off flirting with some girl. Wait, does that make me god? Nah, I don't want this mess in my hands. The final bell echoes through the school and a wave of relief and joy washes over everyone in the building. I met up with Steve and we headed out to meet Bucky at the nearby recruitment post. Yeah, Steve didn't want to waste any time enlisting.

We spotted Bucky leaning on a wall flirting his ass off to some poor girl, and me being the horrible friend that I am, decide to ruin his chances once again. I make a quick turn away from Steve so I can have a good running start, and then I begin a full-blown sprint. When I'm about ten feet away, I scream at the top of my lungs,

"STABLES," and jump onto Bucky's back, followed by tumbling over almost onto the girl, who saw me coming and moved. So I'm just laying on the ground smiling up at Bucky who had a pure look of defeat on his face as the girl speed-walked away.

"One day you will regret doing this every chance you get."

If only I knew then I would.

After I had gotten up from essentially tackling Bucky we all entered the recruitment post, Bucky, and Steve heading off for their evaluations, while I went to talk to some of my friends who were posted here for the day. So, I should explain this, I'm learning from Agent Carter, and I would be lying if I said we haven't become close. I was recruited for a new experiment, which I'm not allowed to talk about. I haven't been able to help that much, but hopefully, it'll pick up.

About an hour has passed so I figured I would see if the boys were done. Waving bye to my friends I head outside to see a slightly angry Steve talking to a Bucky who was holding some papers. I cautiously walked up to the two and just kinda stood next to them, thinking about the new fighting skills Peggy had started to teach me when I catch my name, "You agree with me right, Dolores?"

"Huh?" I look back at the guys to see each agitated and looking at me, "Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Steve shouldn't go try to enlist someplace else under a different name just so he can get in, right?"

"Well..." I know there is no way in hell I can stop either of them from doing what ever they want to do, so time to play both sides, "Steve shouldn't go do that, it is kinda wrong," there is a happy face on Bucky and a more enraged Steve, "but I can't stop Steve from doing what he wants," and there goes Bucky's smile and Steve perks up a bit, "So unless you two are going to figure this out fast, I'm just going to go home."

And then, they just looked at each other and said at the same time, "We'll talk about this later."

...

Totally not creepy at all... whatever, "Okay then... how about we go get some ice cream or something, yeah?" Both boys looked at me smiled, nodded, and started towards the parlor we usually went to... okay if they don't stop acting like Siamese twins I'm leaving.

It's been a couple weeks since Bucky enlisted, and Steve won't give up on trying to enlist. Bucky has tried to talk his version of sense to him, while I just kinda watched and decided to let Steve do what he wanted, I can't control him or his actions. The Stark Expo is tonight, and I was thinking of going to it, but I don't really want to go alone, so I'll have to find a time to ask the boys if one will go with me, maybe guilt them into it by saying I'll need someone to keep the flirts away.

I was walking down a street towards my apartment after having a session with Peggy when I heard a couple of grunts and whacks from an alley, and me being too curious for my own good, decided to go see what was happening in there. And I was ready to throw a couple of punches myself when a bully that I've seen beat up on Steve a couple times went running out past me, away from a broken Steve and perfectly fine Bucky. 

"What in the world were you two up to this time," I considered screeching but decided to say almost calmly, don't want any unwanted attention, or scare two of my three friends off.

"Steve here decided to pick another fight with another bully twice his size, I just came to help when I saw him," Okay, so it wasn't unwarranted, good, I don't have to pummel one of them for being an idiot and starting a fight in an alleyway... actually Steve did start a fight... okay let me rephrase that, I don't have to pummel one of them for abnormally starting a fight in an alleyway, there that's better.

"Alright, I'll take it. Now Steve let's get you to my place and clean up those cuts, Buck you can tag along, I don't care," then off I went down the alley back towards the street, hoping the boys would follow me, and they did, with smiles on their faces.

We arrived at my apartment, me immediately going to get the first aid kit to patch up Steve a bit, leaving the boys in the small living room looking around, because I haven't exactly ever had them over to my apartment before. I never really had a chance with all the training I've been doing with Peggy.

"Sit," I directed with a finger going from Steve to a chair at the small dining table, and Steve followed. I started cleaning Steve up and subconsciously blocked out what the two were talking about, just keeping myself focused on getting Stevie here patched up.

"DOLORES!" That scream could break my concentration though.

"Huh?" I looked up with wide eyes and a confused face, earning a chuckle from each of the boys.

"Do you want to go to the Stark Expo?" Well... that was a little unexpected coming from Bucky, I would have figured he found some poor girl and didn't want me within the state.

"Of course, I was trying to think of a way to ask if you guys wanted to go anyway," and with that, I was finished cleaning up Steve as much as I could, I mean I wasn't exactly medically trained.

"Perfect, should we be here around, say, seven to pick you up?" Well that won't work, I'm supposed to go meet someone, that no one will tell me about, around five, and I don't know how long it will take, I don't want them to know about the whole "agent" thing yet, they would both be pretty angry.

"How about I meet you there? I have something happening just before that, and I don't want you guys to miss out because of me," nice save me, thank you me.

But I missed the slight drop in both of their smiles while they said it was fine.

*whistles a little bit*

I'm off to see someone, who can do certain stuff, da da da-da da da-da da da da da da-da. I'm not lying, I'm off to see a mysterious person who is important, I was just told to go to an antique store and say that the weather is lovely but I always carry an umbrella, but I didn't need an umbrella. Whatever, I don't get to choose the code words.

I get there and say the code phrase, and this old lady just makes a door appear, which isn't weird or creepy at all. But it's kinda my job now to go through this mysterious door and see what's behind it. I start down the stairs to discover a lab, with plenty of people in it. I make my way towards the middle and just kind of stand there, whoever wanted me would hopefully know what I look like or can tell by my complete confusion and lack of working.

"Dolores Caines?" I turn to meet a man with a dark beard and graying hair, which is a bit of a sight.

"Yeah, that's me, who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Erskine, I wanted to ask you if I could run a few tests."

*Time Skip brought to you by the hunky men of Marvel ;)*

Now, I'm off to see the boys, who are absolutely crazy, da da da-da da da-da da da da da da-da. Knowing them with it being around ten at night they either think I'm not going or dead. We shall see when I sneak up on them in the crowds.

I arrive and begin searching the large crowds looking for either of the idiots that I call my friends after I get myself some cotton candy, because cotton candy. It takes me a good half hour to discover a Bucky with some ladies attached to his arms, which isn't a surprise. Now for me to decide how to scare them off... I can't do the catapult, not enough space to land... I don't want to stick my cotton candy to his head, that would be a waste of good food... and then it hits me.

I begin to walk towards them, slowly putting on an angry face and stomping my feet, and trying to hide the growing smile on my face from what I'm about to do to my poor friend. I walk right up behind Buck and begin my screaming.

"JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" And there is that look of horror, regret, anger, and confusion that I love.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET ME HOURS AGO FOR OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY DATE, AND YOU NEVER SHOWED UP!" And cue the girls looking at each other and running away. As soon as they were defiantly out of sight and never coming back I let my frown slowly turn upside down, especially when Buck turns around to confront the girls only to see no one there. He turns back around with a look of just anger and... I think happiness? But before I could finish my thought I catch his sentence and start running.

"You'll pay this time Ms. Tickle-ish."

Buck chases me for a good half hour before he is winded, hunched over the side of a bench. making my way back towards him at a light jog, smirking without a hint of tiredness in me.

"Done already Barnes? I thought you were a soldier." And cue the glare that I seem to see more often than not.

"Or I'm faking you out." And there's the cue for my eye roll. "Keep doing that and maybe you'll find your brain."

"Then I should keep torturing you, you can roll your eyes and find yours too. Wait, where did little Stevie go? Or been."

"He said he was going to the bathroom about half an hour before you ruined my chances with those pretty girls." Is that the sound of sadness I hear in Buck's voice? I think it is.

"Is Stables sad he lost another two girls? Because I'm pretty sure there are at least another twenty here ready to get in a line for me to scare away." 

"Is there going to be one girl I'll ever meet who you won't scare away?"

"We both know that every girl you try to get with will be scared away by the face of Dolores Caines."

"Damnit." Smirking at my small victory I begin looking from my spot for Steve, let Buck here get another few minutes of heavy breathing in before a search for Steve begins.

And then I saw it, a sign advertising a recruitment post at the expo.

"I know where Steve is, let's go before he does something stupid and gets arrested, but it's Steve, so we're probably too late." 

As quickly as I could I went over to the recruitment post, hoping I'm not too late to stop Steve from getting into trouble with the law. As I was approaching I saw Steve walk out really giddy, well looks like there isn't any trouble with the law at least, but I'm still going to give him a stern talking to.

"How many cities have you used now? Ten? Twenty? Thirty? You'll be lucky if they don't catch on." While I did have the motherly glare happening, I stopped myself from shaking my pointer finger as well.

"Except this time I was excepted into the military, mother." Wow, a smirk, this is new from fairly quiet Steve.

"If I'm going to be called your mother, then I'm going to do so much more to you when we get home." And then just behind Steve I see Dr. Erskine leaving the recruitment station, oh no, oh no no no no no, this will not be happening anytime soon, not under my watch at least, "hold on, I just saw a friend that I need to go have a word with, I'll see you guys at the entrance, it's getting kinda late." And without giving them a second to respond I sprint off trying to catch up to Erskine, there is no way I'm letting Stevie get dragged into this.

*Time skip brought to you by Moreos, and for the one guy against it, OreosTM*

Alright, so it is going to happen on my watch, in two weeks I'll be secretly going with Steve to evaluate all the recruits for the project. But first Steve and I need to send Buck off on his train. Well, if things go how I want them to go, Steve will be here seeing the return of Bucky, rather than with Bucky, though knowing what I do about Erskine, that won't happen.

"I guess this is good-bye." Oh, you are not getting off that easy Bucky, not on my watch.

"Don't you dare say goodbye, that implies permanent, it is a see you in a couple months or years." Yeah, I don't have a lot of confidence in this war ending anytime soon.

"Okay, I'll see you in a couple months or years, mother." Okay, I honestly should have seen that one coming, I kinda put that one on myself.

"I'll be at the courthouse legally adopting the both of you then, heaven knows you can't take care of yourselves. I did literally make you both breakfast this morning, and you Mr. Leaving Us couldn't iron your own shirt," Crossing my arms halfway through and giving a slight glare to the both of them, mostly to Buck, "I don't know how you plan to live without me."

"Who said I was?" If he doesn't wipe that flirty smirk off his face, so help me god I will wipe it off for him.

"You, who signed up for the war?"

"Now as much as I enjoy your old married couple fights, by the looks of it, Buck here needs to get going or he'll miss the train." Thank you, Steve, for stopping us from going until dark.

"Alright, you got to get going or they'll think you were trying to duck out on them, now I get a hug," I said while walking forward spreading my arms.

"Before we all leave each other, I do want to say one more thing to you in private before I head off Doll (A/N: I know, my name picking is great)," I hate that nickname, "but I'll give Steve here one so he can get going." And cue the bro-hug, one of the most awkward things in this world.

"I'll see you at the entrance Dolores." Thank you, Steve, for not using that horrid nickname, giving Steve a little wave I turned back to Buck who looked really nervous for some reason.

"Alright, I'm just going to get this over and done with, you can't say a word until the end, okay? This is hard enough as it is," Buck took a deep breath, "Dolores, I really like you as more than a friend, almost to the point where I may even call it love, you are just so amazing, your sarcastic comments and how you aren't afraid to be yourself, every day since we first met I've fallen a bit more in love with you, and I know this is sudden and at a horrible time, but if I don't make it back I wanted you to know that I care about you so much, and if I do come back will you at least go on a date with me?"

H

O

L

Y

S

H

*

T

I just stared at Buck in shock, one of my best friends loves me, in a romantic way? What? I figured I was doomed for crazy cat lady, but here is Bucky, surprising me with this. "Uhhhhh," what are you supposed to say?

"Is that really all the ever talking Dolores Caines has to say?" Yes, yes it is.

"How else should I respond? I don't know if I feel the same way, how I should even react to this information, or if I even want to yes or not," on my own behalf, he did drop a bomb on me, I mean, he was with TWO girls at the Stark Expo.

"How about this, you think about it, and if I come back you tell me your answer?"

"That I can mentally handle, now it's hug time because I think you now have five minutes to get on that train," with a smile I walk forward and give Bucky a hug, but it doesn't exactly feel the same as it has in the past, I can't put a finger on how, but it just doesn't. When I pull away I give Buck a closed mouth smile and give him a small shove towards the train, "Alright, time to go, don't forget about us back here."

"How could I with what I just said to you?" Buck said walking backward with a smirk.

"Stevie is here too!" He better not forget about Steve, or I will never let him live it down, or maybe even just live.

With a laugh, he got on the train, and I walked to the entrance, spotting Steve trying to look all cool leaning against a wall right by where I left.

"So what did Bucky have to say to you?" Oh if only I could tell you, Steve, if only I could, but it's something I want to handle alone, Steve has his own problems to face soon.

"Just that he'll miss our banter sessions," hopefully that'll keep him satisfied.

"That's understandable." Wait... does Steve know how Bucky feels about me?

Now the time has come for Steve to go to his training, and me to sneak to the back of the train since I'm going as well, and Stevie doesn't need to know about that. We were on the same platform that Bucky left, "Deja vu, huh?"

"For you maybe, but last time I was facing that way," Stevie chuckled while jabbing a thumb behind him, "And this time I know that I'm the one who is going to leave rather than my friend."

"Well, smartie pants, for me it feels the same, saying goodbye to one of my only friends for them to go fight in a war where they might die, and my last words to them would be a gosh darn train platform."

"I can promise you that I will try my best to not die, thank you for your faith in Bucky and me," thank god I'm going with you Steve, wait he doesn't know that, now to act it up a bit to sell it.

"Doesn't mean I won't worry about you two," okay, now for some tears, dead puppies, dead puppies, oh god that is horrible, dead puppies, okay now I'm tearing up. "Okay, you need to get going, don't want you to be late," or I want to make it onto the train, "give me a hug and get going," opening my arms wide.

"It will be an early death for me if I say no," both of us chuckling, "And don't worry too much about Buck and me, we will be coming back."

"You better, or I will find you two and kill you both myself."

"Now we can't have that happening now, can we? You enjoy yourself here, perfectly safe and sound." And with that Steve started to walk towards the train, while I stood on the platform waiting for him to be far enough away that I could get lost in the crowd and get onto my car.

*Time skip brought to you by Peggy Carter's fists of steel*

"Recruits, attention! Gentlemen, I'm Agent Carter, and this is my student Agent Caines. I supervise all operations for this division," time for Steve to find out that I am here, yay! He totally won't be angry that I'm here rather than back home in Brooklyn "safe" and "sound," he really should have seen something like this coming.

"What's with the accent, Queen Victoria? Thought I was signing up for the U.S. Army," this won't end well, for the soldier, for the rest of us this will be great.

"What's your name, soldier?"

"Gilmore Hodge, your Majesty," and he definitely crossed the line there. Peggy is someone who demands and deserves respect, that's for sure.

"Step forward, Hodge. Caines, stand in front of him." Oh, so that's where this will be going. Figured Peggy may take the privilege herself, but I guess not.

"Put your right foot forward."

"Mmm... Are you going to let us wrassle? Cause I got a few moves I know you'll like." With my eyes glanced to the side I see Peggy give me a slight nod. And then I decked Hodge in the face, and the force caused him to topple to the ground. That was kinda fun, I don't really get to do that often. As I returned to Peggy's side I saw the look on Steve's face, and it would be an understatement if I said he was surprised, his eyes were about to exit his skull.

Yeah, the old Dolores is gone, she's gotten a little tougher.

*Le Timeskip brought to you by Marvel being a tease*

"Wait, are you saying Steve is the one who managed to get the flag? I bet the other guys were ready to beat the pulp out of him."

"Oh yeah, he just walked up and pulled the pin, everyone was in shock and he just strolled up to the car and hoped in like it was nothing," Peggy stated while taking a sip of her drink, "it was amazing."

"Sounds like Steve, breaking all expectations you would have of him."

*Another time skip brought to you by the lazy writer*

I was standing back as I watched Peggy drill the recruits by some of the cars, "Faster, ladies! Come on. My grandmother has more life in her, God rest her soul. Move it!" Wow, Peggy is really laying it on them today, she must have had a really rough night. Colonel Phillips and Dr. Erskine walked up on the other side of the car, just within my hearing range.

"You're not really thinking about picking Rogers, are you?" I hope he picks Steve, he is basically the perfect candidate for this.

"I am more than just thinking about it. He is the clear choice." Reason number one of why I love Erskine, we think the same.

"When you brought a ninety pounds asthmatic onto my army base, I let it slide. I thought, what the hell? Maybe he'll be useful to you, like a gerbil. I never thought you'd pick him." Wow, got a heart in there Phillips? Because I'm thinking the answer is no. "You stick a needle in that kid's arm and it's gonna go right through him. Look at that. He's making me cry."

"I am looking for qualities beyond the physical." Like a heart, which Steve isn't lacking, I would know from the number of times he chooses to be a hero... it doesn't always make me happy.

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project?" No, Erskine, the guy who made the damn thing, believes this all started yesterday.

"Yeah, I know."

"All the groveling I had to do in front of Senator What's-His-Name's committees?" Oh, how I wish I could have seen that it would have made my life.

"Brandt. Yes, I know. I am well aware of your efforts." 'Efforts'

"Then throw me a bone. Hodge passed every test we gave him. He's big, he's fast, he obeys orders. He's a soldier." Meaning a weapon in your eyes.

"He's a bully." Just like every other buff guy in this damn world. (A/N: Sorry, felt right, not all buff guys are arseholes.)

"You don't win wars with niceness, doctor. You win war with guts. Grenade!" Sh*t, okay, cover, cover, car, behind it, oh dear gosh, why, why this? Someone will die from his need to prove he's right. After waiting a few seconds and nothing happens I peak over. 

"Get away! Get back!" There's the Steve I know, one who is willing to do anything to keep people safe.

*Y'all know what this means by now*

Today is the day, the day that Steve is going to change forever. I came separately from Peggy and Steve, Dr. Erskine wanted to ask me a couple of questions before the procedure. I was going to help with the procedure since I helped Stark and Erskine with it a bit. I was focusing on completing a few more settings when I heard the door open and Erskine welcome someone in. It must be little Steve-o, well... soon to be big Steve-o. I'm drowning out all the conversations that were happening around me so I could finish up the last adjustments. I finished just as Steve was entering the pod.

"Comfortable?" Erskine... it's a giant metal tube... how could it be comfortable?

"It's a little big." It won't be big for that much longer if this all goes according to plan. "You save me any of that schnapps?" Woah, hold up, schnapps?

"Woah, Woah, schnapps? You do not need any alcohol in your system mister." I will go momma bird on your butt, Steve.

"Don't worry Dolores, I didn't take any. Erskine actually took my pour." Good, who knows what alcohol would have done.

"He better have. Now I'm going to get some of it." Erskine began his schpiel on what was going to happen during the experiment while Stark and I began to get our positions ready. Erskine signals to begin the procedure and Stark and I begin. The percentage slowly rises and Steve's vitals are looking okay. Then Stark hit seventy percent and all hell broke loose. Steve begins screaming probing Erskine, Peggy, and myself to push for the whole thing to be shut down. Then we all heard a distant scream telling us not to... and it was coming from the pod.

"No! Don't! I can do this!" So Stark kept raising the percentage, and when it hit one hundred everything overloaded. Slowly the pod opens revealing Steve... and when I said he was going to be big Steve-o soon I wasn't wrong, he used to be barely taller than me and now I'm at his shoulder, maybe. Then of course just as I was about to go talk to Steve a bomb goes off... sometimes this job sucks. Oh look, and there goes the guy that came with Senator Brandt with the last vial of serum. Again, sometimes, I hate my job. Just as I was about to run after him the son of a female dog shot Erskine... I hope he dies a painful death. Steve and I kneel down next to him, and he points towards Steve's heart, then collapses. Steve gets his frustrated look and goes running out the door.

"He's gone... right?" Erskine will be the death of me.

"Really? You faked your death?"

"Kind of, I am probably going to die soon, but I wanted to tell you, remember what you are, and don't forget it, keep the world in check." And with that Erskine drew his last breath, dying for real this time, while I sat there thinking about what he said.

*I know, I'm skipping around a lot, but Y'all should know what's generally happening*

Steve's become a dancing monkey, nothing like what Erskine wanted him to be. So it's not surprising when he feels disheartened when he's practically booed off the stage. The guys weren't exactly easy on him, I mean I saw it and they were ruthless. Knowing that Steve would enter a self-deprecating state I set off to find him, finding him sitting on a bench doodling a circus monkey, not far off what he practically is right now.

"Not bad, would be better if it were in a more natural habitat."

And a startled Steve jumps to face me a bit more, "Dolores? How did you get here?"

"What? Can't I come check on one of my only friends? So how is it being the poster boy of America?"

"Well, it generally goes better than that. Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit."

"That doesn't sound like the Steve I know, I didn't hear a thing about the war it's self." That earned me a chuckle, nothing like a sad almost pitty sounding chuckle. "For as long as this war has been going on I had to sit there and listen to you talk about going to fight for your country, now it may not be the way you thought you would be doing it, but you're here, and you never know what may come from it." Just as I finished my sentence two of the showgirls walked past us talking to each other.

"Isn't it sad that's all that's left of the one-oh-seventh? I don't know how their families can handle this."

"I know, I would never let any of my family come out here."

Steve and I just looked at each other, we were both thinking the same thing, "Bucky."

Steve and I both go barging into Colonel Phillips' tent, because who cares about respect? Colonel Phillips was writing letters while Peggy was not that far away talking to another soldier. Before I could get a word out Steve began talking.

"Colonel Phillips."

"Well, if it isn't the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan and the intern. What is your plan today?" Gee, thanks.

"I need the casualty list from Azzano." Peggy glanced over with a slightly confused face, slightly directed more towards me than anything.

"You don't get to give me orders, son." I'm getting just a little impatient here.

"Look, we just want to know if Sergeant James Barnes is alive, okay? Are we horrible people for that?" That earned me an angry look from Phillips and a small smirk from Peggy, she liked to see women stand up for themselves.

Phillips turned towards Peggy, "You better have a conversation with her or I will and neither of you will enjoy that."

"Please tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R-"

"I can spell. I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry." As soon as I heard that my heart gained a couple pounds and dropped to my feet. I didn't know what to think, what are you supposed to do when you find out one of your only friends may be dead, it's definitely not jumping for joy.

"What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?"

"Yeah! It's called winning the war." Because that has been such a great plan for the past, hm, I don't know, couple years?

"But if you know where they are, why not at least...?"

"They're thirty miles behind the lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. But I don't expect you to understand that, because you're a chorus girl." Well, that one hurt more than one of us in more than one way.

"I think I understand just fine."

"Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes." Who put a stick up this guy's butt?

"Yes, sir. I do." Okay, hold on, is this really happening? Steve, Mr. 'I can do this all day' is backing down? Who is this and where's the real Steve? As Steve began walking out Peggy and I glanced at each other and followed him out to his tent where he started shoving clothes in a bag.

"What are you planning on doing? Walking there?"

"If I have to." I almost facepalmed.

"You heard the Colonel, your friend is most likely dead." Thank you, Peggy, for reminding me.

"You don't know that." And there is optimistic Steve.

"Even so, he's devising a strategy. If he detects..."

"By the time he's done that, it could be too late! I have to do something to help one of my closest friends..." Steve finished off much less fierce than when he started. "You gotta let me go."

Peggy looked a little conflicted for a second before she began speaking again, "I can do more than that, just let me make a few calls," then she left the tent and I began following her to start gathering a few things for myself, no way in hell I'll let Steve go alone.

"Hold on a second there, you are not coming with, you are staying right here in this camp." Wait, time out, not happening.

"No, I'm not staying here. Bucky is my friend too, if you think that I'm going to stay here counting the seconds thinking about how they might drag your body back here beyond repair or even worse dead, you are out of your mind."

"I'm not bringing you out there to die! Just let me go get Bucky and come back. I promise you I'll be in one whole functioning piece."

"You should know that I'm fully capable of holding my own in a fight! I'm going to help you whether you like it or not!"

"I will not let you come!"

"Why?!"

"Because I love you too much to let you die like that!"

What? I just stared at Steve blankly for a while as he turned his face towards the ground and drug his hand over it.

With a big sigh, he began again, "Well, guess it's out. I, Steve Rogers, have fallen in love with you Dolores Caines. I've grown to rely on your personality to help me through my days, even the ones where I couldn't physically see you I hear your witty sarcastic comments in the back of my mind. And every time I think about my future I can't see much without you by my side. I've fallen in love with you, almost helplessly."

How am I supposed to respond to this? It wasn't exactly all that long ago that Bucky confused his love to me, and now Steve is too. "I-I don't know what to say, Steve-"

"It's fine, you don't have to say anything, just let me go do this without having the constant fear of you dying in the back of my mind, I promise that I will return alive with Bucky, just stay here." Steve started up gathering his stuff again.

"A-Alright." And with that, I walked out of the tent.

After leaving Steve I walked to my tent and began to pack up everything. If Steve came back with a Bucky I don't know what I would do, looking at my two best friends who have admitted their love for me and acting like everything was normal? I wouldn't be able to do that, so I'm quitting and going home. It's not ideal but I need to get away for a while and think about the mess my life has become.

*Okay, so rest of CAFA goes the same just no Steve Peggy kissy, and we are now going past Avengers and into Winter Soldier 😈 and into Steve's POV*

"This is SHIELD."

"Maybe where it started." Natasha and Steve walked into a room with portraits on the wall.

"Why is Dolly in here? She wouldn't have been alive." Hearing Natasha's confused voice Steve turned his attention towards where she was looking to see a portrait of his Dolores up next to Peggy, Howard, and Phillips.

"That's Dolores Caines actually, I knew her."

"No, I know my best friend, and that is her. We can talk about it later Steve, but let's focus on this right now." And with that they both continued their search, later coming around in a few months.

*Alright, cool, so now to 'modern day' where we get the kicker*

With a sigh Steve and Bucky plop onto a couch after a long workout, Natasha walking up to them. "You old men might have another friend, had to dig a lot to find this, probably one of the most classified folders SHEILD has." And with that, she dropped the folder onto the coffee table with TOP SECRET written across the front in bright red. She left to let the two have some space for the world rocking folder they were going to open.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other, Steve making a move to open the folder, and when he did the first page was all the typical information that SHEILD would have; name, date of birth, height, weight, etc., except one this stuck out to Steve and Bucky, status read active.

"How could Dolores be active? Surely she would be dead or close to it by now?" With even more confusion Bucky flipped the page to show a stack of pictures, the one on top being of the three of them back in the 40s; pre-serum, pre-enlistment, pre-confessions, and they all looked happy. Flicking to the next one showed a Dolores who looked exactly the same but instead she was at the opening of NASA, at least ten years after the first picture. Steve and Bucky kept going from picture to picture, the 1960s: Dolores is walking next to Martin Luther King Jr. in the Selma March, the 1970s: Dolores with Bill Gates and Paul Allen at MITS demonstrating their interpreter, 1980s: Dolores at the Miracle on Ice cheering after the winning goal, 1990s: Dolores fleeing Columbine High School, 2000s: Dolores helping people near the World Trade Center on 9/11, all of them showing the same Dolores that they knew back in the 40s. Coming onto the final picture they see it was from just before Steve came out of the ice. It had a smiling Natasha and laughing Dolores next to each other.

Both men look at each other, and flip back to the first page, seeing just what they were hoping for, a last known address.

They both immediately stand up and walk towards their rooms, they were going to see Dolores for the first time since the 1940s tomorrow.

*Transfering to Dolores POV*

Another day, another mental crisis. It didn't help that Nat sent me a text saying that Steve and Bucky know that I'm still alive. I left before Steve woke up for a reason, I still can't face it, and now both of them will be trying to find me. It's two a.m. but I can't focus on anything other than how soon it will be before Steve and Bucky find me and I have to confront that issue again. All I have been doing is pretending that nothing had happened, but it's only come back to haunt me again.

When it's seven in the morning I finally decide to get started with the day. Stumbling out to get some coffee in my system, I was lacking in the energy department from the restless night. Soon after I turned on the coffee maker I heard a knock on my door.

Making my way over to the door I open it without checking, there lies my first mistake, standing behind it was Steve Rodgers and Bucky Barnes. I could feel my eyes widen to double the size and my first response was to slam the door, but one of them managed to get their foot in to keep it open a bit, so I went to the next logical solution, shove with all my might. After struggling for a few minutes I was finally able to get the door shut and locked. Sliding on my back down the door I began to go into another mental breakdown, they are literally outside of my door.

Soon knocks came on the door, "Dolores! Please, we know you are in there! We just want to catch up! Please let us in!" Sure, Steve, I'll just let the issue that I've been avoiding for the last 70 years walk into my apartment. They both kept knocking on my door and asking me to let them in for another thirty minutes. That's when it went quiet, they probably gave up. And then subconsciously my body just stood up and opened the door, and two bodies came tumbling backward into my apartment, Bucky and Steve were laying on their backs looking up at me.

"I don't know why I just did that, but I suggest you two get in here before I close the door again."

Within a second they were both on their feet inside my apartment... this will go well... not.

With a sigh I closed the door and turned around, Steve and Bucky were just looking around at my small apartment. "Alright, I need some coffee, do either of you want anything?" I got two head shakes as an answer. "So no words then?"

"It's just a shock that you're still alive, it's just you should be close to dead or already dead by now."

"Yeah, I'll explain that when I've had some coffee." So I went to reheat my now thirty-minute old coffee and went back to the living room to find both guys looking at all the pictures I had around the room. I scared them both a bit when I started talking, "They all span across the last 70 years, all the way back to the 40s till now."

"Yeah, we got to see a few before we came over, so care to explain how you're still so young?"

"If you agree to explain that metal arm there Buck, I know why Stevie here is huge and how you are both still alive, but the arm is news to me."

"Deal"

"Alright, let's sit down for this then." With a plop, I set myself in my favorite armchair while Steve took the other one and Bucky situated himself on the couch. Taking a final sip of my coffee I began, "So while Steve here got his powers from Erskine back in the day, Erskine said that the first test subject was Johann Shmidt and Steve was the next attempt, yeah?" Both nodded their heads, "Well that's where the main lie lies." I couldn't help myself, I just had to chuckle a bit at that. "Sorry, lie lies. Anyway, there was another person who was experimented on between Shmidt and Steve, and that person would be me. Erskine wanted to get another trial run in before the main event to be sure everything would work the way he wanted it too. I was asked to do it and I agreed, and I came out fine, but with some new enhancements.

"The main one was my cells started regenerating differently, they kept coming back exactly the same, meaning no aging. (A/N: No idea if this is true, don't trust my google science) I can still die from things like explosions and stab wounds, but I can't die of old age, which was a pain in the butt during the Civil Rights Movement, couldn't walk ten feet without finding some violent person with a weapon in the south. I also did get all the things Steve here got, they just didn't show themselves. So Erskine made some changes to the formula, fixed the anti-aging thing since he was unsure of who would receive it and had the recipient bulk up a bit more, Brandt would be more impressed and what not for more funding. And that's the jist of how I'm still here kickin'." I kept my eyes down the whole time, and when I finished I took another swig of my coffee. "Alright, Stables, story-time about the arm, go."

A slightly confused Bucky slowly started his story of the arm, "Uh, back in the 40s Steve and I were trying to get Zola when I fell out of the train into a ravine and my arm was torn off in the fall, that's when HYDRA found me and made me a puppet, adding a robotic arm."

"Huh, not as exciting as I expected, figured one lady would have been in that story." I chuckled as I took another sip of my coffee, god this is so awkward. With a sigh, I started up again, "Okay, look, I know it's weird, someone who wasn't frozen from the 40s is still here, but it's still me. I know I can talk a lot but I'm not holding the whole conversation on my own. If that's how it's going to be, please just leave."

"Then how about you explain why you left when you did without a trace? Cause I'm not sure why you did." Well, Steve seems a little pissy about that.

"Well, you said you loved me right before you left to save Bucky, and Bucky said he loved me right before he went off to war. Both of my friends had said they loved me, what else would you expect me to do?" They both looked at each other surprised, almost like they didn't know that the other loved me. "And don't think my life was always great after that, you both saying those words was just constantly in the back of my mind playing it's self over, and over, and over. I was left with no hope, or love, or glory. Happy endings gone forever more. I've just been living the rest of my life."

"You could have talked to us, we could have figured out something, you didn't have to leave Doll." I honestly slightly flinched at that nickname, I hadn't heard it in a long time.

"Yeah, bring up how I couldn't pick between the two of you and watch you both slowly grow to hate each other, no thanks. Look, I think that's enough for one day, I have some work I still need to do." They both slowly get up after I do and follow me to the door. "I guess I wish you well."

Just before Bucky walked off with Steve he turned around, "Can we pretend that nothin' ever went wrong?"

With I sigh I responded, "I don't think so Buck, too much just went wrong." And with that, I closed the door.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And there is my fanfic based on Happy Ending by MIKA!

[theclacks]

Buffy & Angel Thoughts - (mid S7 and early S4)

So these are scattered and don’t line up all that well from a chronological standpoint, but yeah. Spoilers for BtVS Season 7 (eps 8-15, aka Sleeper through Get It Done) as well as Angel Season 4 (eps 1-8, aka Deep Down through Habeas Corpses), because that’s the order I’ve been watching them in.

And, I guess spoilers for the final episode of Buffy and what happens to Spike because lol whoops I’ve been spoiled for that and it’s crucial to everything that’s going on in my head as I watch these seasons. 

I’m going to start out by saying I still really like Angel as a character. I really do.

But oh my god. These seasons.

(Other Buffy Thoughts located here @ my master post)

First off, since I’ve pretty much been spoiled for the rest of the Buffy, I’m not so much looking forward to the end of it for its sake, but for Spike to go onto AtS and basically rub IN ANGEL’S FACE, “OH, YOU KNOW HOW YOU BROKE UP WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SO THAT SHE WOULDN’T DATE A VAMPIRE? WELL, GUESS WHAT GRANDSIRE?!?! HA. HA HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Like OH MY GOD, the irony is too good. And I’m wishing and praying in retrospect, “please, Joss Whedon. PLEASE, have that be a thing that comes up when Spike and Angel reunite. like it HAS to be a thing, right? I mean, Buffy at this point was on a different network and I know Sarah-Michelle Gellar doesn’t make any appearances, but like please let me have at least one dick-waving contest that ends with Angel going, ‘ffffffffu- I never should’ve left omg.’”

And like, have that realization be layered on top of the realization that Angel’s basically lost BOTH of the loves of his life, not just to other people, but to his SONS. Like vampire-grandson and biological son because I am not going to lie, Cordelia/Connor squicks me out like no tomorrow -- in fact, it’s the reason that I put a pause on Angel Season 4 and got really ahead in all the Buffy episodes -- but when taken together with Spike/Buffy it is FRICKIN HILARIOUS.

Like... Pure. Comedy. Gold.

And I just want there to be fanart or something, of like Buffy and Spike making out one side and Connor and Cordelia making out on the other, and Angel’s in the middle and just facepalming with a stake me now face, because it is by far the most amount of amusement I’ve gotten out of these series in the past 20 episodes I’ve watched or so.

Anyway, now that I’ve gotten that cross talk out of the way...

Buffy Season 7 (eps 8 - 15)

Alright, I was way too harsh on Jane Espenson during my last review of Conversations with Dead People. I still mean every single thing I said about her work on Once Upon a Time, but re: her work on Buffy, I judged too soon.

Part of my backlash against that episode (and later the eps Never Leave Me, Bring on the Night, and Showtime) comes from fear I think. Fear that this is the last season and these are the last live action installments I’m going to get, so ever episode is that much more precious. And fear that came from seeing how quickly a season can spiral off in a different direction from what I’d been enjoying (see the first half of Season Six (probably my favorite half-season of the show) vs the latter half of Season Six (probably my least favorite half-season)).

...and fear from this weird nightmare I had about a month or two back, where like Buffy and Spike had just sort of reconciled in an episode, and then IN THE VERY NEXT EPISODE, half of the Scoobies got trapped inside a computer and the other half of the Scoobies were outside the computer and it was like season 3 of Farscape and/or Fringe where the episodes went back and forth with adventures between the two, but the two sides never interacted until they finally got reunited but at that point there were only two episodes left in the season and my dreamself was like, “COME ON.”

So yeah. I had that fear.

And that fear kicked into overdrive when it got revealed at the end of Conversations with Dead People that Spike was killing people again because I was thinking, “no, no, no... we have 2/3 of a season left. we do not have the TIME to retread this ground.”

And so I took a mini-break from watching.

And then I watched Sleeper and I was stunned. Because Buffy immediately went into, “this doesn’t make sense. why the hell would spike get a soul and start killing people? i refuse to believe this until we have proof.” and then even AFTER the scoobies got proof, they immediately thought of sleeper agents and stuff and figured it out and didn’t let the First get away with the vampire murder version of a miscommunication-based romcom plot and it was AWESOME.

And then Spike got kidnapped, and then spent the entire next episode a captive.

And I took another mini-break from watching, because once again I thought to myself, “oh god. what if Spike stays kidnapped for the rest of the season? oh my god what if that’s it? what if there’s no more character development?”

And then at the very end of Showtime, he finally got rescued and a very strange thing happened.

Season 7 of Buffy turned into a hurt/comfort fic.

And, you know, as long as I know that’s what I’m getting, I am 100% FINE with that. 

And I’m enjoying things again. Enjoying them so much that I totally blew past the Angel episodes I should’ve been interspersing in and the only reason I’m pulling on the brakes is because I only have 7 episodes of Buffy left now and I want to gradually watch them to a halt, not marathon them all in one day and be like, “...fuck.”

Top Five Favorite Bits of eps 8-15

1. Dawn’s storyline in Potential - I love Dawn, so this shouldn’t be a surprise. This episode was a perfect balance of Dawn simultaneously jumping at the prospect of being a warrior and being terrified of it too. It’s also brilliant because at Dawn’s core, she is not normal; she’s a manufactured being of ancient energy... but that has no bearing on her day-to-day life anymore, so it’s almost like “so what?” to the people around her. In the end though, I’m really glad that they didn’t go the route of her being a potential because being a copy of Buffy shouldn’t be what Dawn’s about. Yes, it would include her in the short run, but in the long run it’d just take away more of her individual identity and toss her deeper in Buffy’s shadow.

2. Principal Wood being Nikki’s son - the second he said he was the son of slayer during dinner, I immediately put two and two together and gasped because hello,1970s? Black slayer? Convenient plot and inevitable drama connection? And then it was and everything was beautiful. (Because up until that point, I was completely on board the “okay, Sunnydale has an evil principal/authority figure again”)

3. The bit where Spike and Buffy are training the potentials in the cemetery and Buffy tackles/straddles Spike and he groans in pain and she gets all worried that she’s hurt him and start to lift his shirt and he stops her and they stare at each other a second and the totally-not-a-stand-in-for-the-audience potential remarks on the UST and then Spike gets up and walks away and Buffy stares awkwardly at the ground - THAT BIT

4. Felicia Day as a potential

5. Everyone is finally cooperating and working as a team again after the mess that was Season 6 and the beginning of this season - I mean, there was the instant defense/logic think through with the Spike situation; the mental mindthink plan against the ubervamp; the wiretap with Andrew and trying to figure out weaknesses of the first; figuring out whether or not Giles is secretly dead and a projection of the first. i am so glad that Buffy is ending on this season because if it’d ended on season 1) it would’ve never been awesome, season 2) it would’ve been depressing as fuck, season 3) probably the best alternate series ending but still would’ve never gotten spike redemption so ugh, season 4) would’ve ended on a weird dream-based anti-climatic episode, season 5) would’ve been even MORE depressing as fuck, and season 6) would’ve ended with a foul taste of all the characters being horrible to each other. So yay, I’m actually really enjoying Season 7 right now, if nothing else than as a sendback to good times

Top Five LEAST Favorite Bits of eps 8-15

1. Kennedy - I like the idea of Kennedy and giving Willow more than just Tara, but UGH. The execution. Kennedy is way too annoying and their relationship was too rushed

2. Buffy yelling at everyone after Chloe’s suicide - I understand her motivation, but yelling at everyone after someone JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE because of the yelling is wrong; and I wish there’d been a bit in the episode where she realized she’d gone too far and apologized

3. Anya having nothing to do - Season 5 was the best season for Anya. In fact, I think it was the best season for everyone in terms of everyone having something to do, but yeah. I get that she lost her powers again after Selfless but it just seems like kind of a waste? like without them, she has nothing to do but stand around and make the occasional snarky comment. This sort of spills over into Dawn and Xander as well, but at least they’re given lip service usefulness re: doing research and constantly repairing the house

4. Half the potentials’ acting - some are great (Amanda, Vi, Chloe, Rona), and then some sound like they’re straight up reading lines (Kennedy, Molly, Eve), and yeah. It can get a little distracting.

5. Actually... I’m rather enjoying season 7, so... yeah. Those are the main four.

Angel Season 4 (eps 1 - 8)

So I’m going to start off with the few fun things about this season so far, and then smash straight into all the TOTALLY NOT FUN THINGS OH MY GOD THIS SEASON IS DEPRESSING.

So, favorite episode by far was The House Always Wins. I mean, road trip episode in Vegas where they save Lorne and its primarily Gunn and Fred trying to save the day while Angel’s off being brain dead? AMAZING.

Second favorite episode was Spin the Bottle for both obvious reasons and one completely meta reason, which is...

*puts on team spike shirt again and grabs a megaphone*

WHEN SOULLESS SPIKE LOST ALL HIS MEMORIES IN TABULA RASA AND FOUND OUT HE WAS A VAMPIRE HE AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED HE WAS A GOOD VAMPIRE AND KEPT FIGHTING TO PROTECT BUFFY.

WHEN SOULED ANGEL LOST HIS VAMPIRIC MEMORIES IN SPIN THE BOTTLE AND FOUND OUT HE WAS A VAMPIRE HE AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED HE WAS PUT THERE TO KILL THE OTHERS AND TRIED TO KILL HIS FRIENDS.

JUST SAYIN’

And, okay, I know the situations were slightly different. Spike’s identity was revealed in the heat of a fight vs Angel finding out without the others knowing and working to conceal it, BUT even given that, just because you think you’ve been put somewhere to kill people doesn’t mean you'll automatically start trying to kill them. I mean, that is a HUGE leap in sociopathic logic. And there’s no excuse for it because Angel got his memories wiped out, not his soul wiped out. He could’ve ran. He could’ve hidden. He could’ve done anything except, you know, NOT GO FOR THE JUGULAR.

And I’m not saying this to be all “Spike is flawless” because Spike is awesomely NOT flawless, but I just don’t understand all the official talk of Angel = good man & Spike = bad boy when it’s CLEARLY the opposite.

*takes off team spike shirt*

Anyway.

Things I’m hating about this season.

1) Cordelia first being trapped in the higher plane for a couple episode, then losing all her memories for a couple episode, and then getting together with Connor like WTF?

2) Wesley/Lilah - I like both these characters, and I’d be fine with a ship between them but there’s no chemistry? like it’s all “i really hate you but the sex is okay so whatever, we’re going to be together and bitter about it” and idk... it’s just not entertaining to watch, like I’m bored by their hate, and they keep talking about breaking it off and it’s like watching Spike/Buffy from Season 6 all over again but at least Spike/Buffy had a beautiful friendship forming (whiskey drinking scene = best scene) before it shattered apart, and then when they broke up they still respected each other... sort of (wedding scene with Spike saying Buffy glows = BEST BEST SCENE). Wesley/Lilah are just unpleasant.

3) Gunn and Fred basically fracturing apart because of imagined Fred/Wesley tension and the whole killing the professor that sent her to the opposite dimension; i mean, yes, obviously that would be a strain on their relationship but could we NOT do it when everything else is turning to shit too, please?

4) Connor being Connor

5) Angel being mopey about Cordelia being mopey

And I think somewhere around Apocalypse, Nowish I realized what was going on: Angel Season 4 had turned into latter half of Buffy Season 6. Everyone was secretly hating everyone & themselves and NO ONE was talking to one another.

And I REALLY didn’t have the strength to get through another latter half of Buffy Season 6, so as soon as those fireballs started coming down and Connor and Cordelia fell into bed together I was like, “nope nope nope” and skittered over to Buffy for a straight 5 episodes or so.

But now I’m way too far along in Buffy and need to watch some Angel to catch up, so I forced myself to watch Habeas Corpses which was better, and up next (in my next recap/thought salad) will be eps 9-12 (aka Long Day’s Journey through Calvary).

RIP Gavin