#like what do you mean we could have seen jake in a cape

[hailthegodsong]

i’m still salty that they never released this broken bells music video

[joyful-soul-collector]

The events of Moon Knight took place in early 2012, and after Marc and Steven found out Jake was still working for Khonshu, they decided they needed a fresh start. So Layla and the boys moved to New York City, where they continued to be Moon Knight and Scarlet Scarab, and with Steven's confidence and stubborn will, they learned to work with Khonshu in a way where they wouldn't be manipulated.

However, with their luck Marc should've expected their new peace wouldn't last for long, because just a month after their move a large hole opened up in the sky over Stark Tower, and aliens began their siege on NYC. So now we just have one question left...

How does the Battle of New York change when you add in a little bit of Moon Knight?

“For the record Marc, I think this is a really, really terrible idea, most people tend to run away from the giant aliens,” Steven muttered, staring up at the massive rip in the sky over Stark Tower. “I mean… aliens, Marc. Bloody aliens.”

“Yeah. I know, buddy,” Marc sighed. He could swear they were cursed. They’d just moved here after everything that happened with Harrow and finding out Jake still worked for Khonshu which technically means they all still work for Khonshu and--god, why is it that every time Marc tries to get a clean slate it just gets messed up worse than the last one?

At least Layla wasn’t here. She was on a trip for Taweret, something about a weird metal in Africa? She didn’t say much about it, just that she’d be back in a few days. 

Now looking through the massive hole in the wall of their brand new apartment on the 20th floor, Marc just hoped that wherever she was, she didn’t have giant aliens flying towards her through a split in the heavens. 

It was the biggest thing they’d ever seen. A long, eel-like creature swimming down through the sky and between buildings, armored aliens springing from its metal hide. Even with Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor down there fighting, they all knew they couldn’t just leave New York to fend for itself.

“Look alive, hermanos,” Jake said, now looking down at the city below them, and the grey, shiny bodies of the aliens crawling up the side of the buildings. Marc summoned the suit and leapt out the hole in the building, a roar in his chest as he sank a dart into the fleshy back of one of the aliens. He leapt off the building and their cape formed into its crescent glider, giving them a moment to take in the scene. 

“Khonshu!” Marc shouted over the wind in their ears. “What the hell are these things!?”

“The Chitauri and their Leviathan!” Khonshu replied, nowhere to be seen, but his hard voice heard clearly. “A hivemind race from a planet not of our own, the perfect army! But why they’re here I do not--oh hell.”

Marc looked around to see what Khonshu noticed and his eyes fell upon a Chitauri spacecraft flying past, though this one was not piloted by a fleshy grey alien like the others. 

“Loki,” Khonshu growled. “Of course.”

“You know this asshole?!” Marc shouted, watching as this “Loki” soared through the sky. He dodged other Chitauri and explosions all the way, and his bright gold horns glinted in the sun. 

“He is another god, brother of Thor and prince of Asgard!” Khonshu responded. “He’s always been an idiot, but I never thought he’d be stupid enough to do this!”

“Goddammit Khonshu, why is everyone you know an asshole?” Marc muttered. 

“I heard that!”

Marc ignored him and dove down, swinging his feet forward and slamming them into a nearby flying craft. He knocked the pilot from its controls, keeping it from smashing into a building just in time. However as the craft began to lose control, Marc quickly realized he hadn’t really thought this plan out. 

“Shit shit shit shit shit--”

“Dammit, Marc!” Steven suddenly fronted, shifting into his Mr. Knight suit and jumping from the craft, tumbling onto the roof of a building before it crashed onto the street below. “What the hell was that, Marc!? You’re gonna get us killed!”

“I’m sorry, I’ve never fought aliens before, Steven! Give me a fucking break!”

“Both of you shut up!” Jake shouted suddenly, his black suit appearing over their body. “None of us knows what the fuck we’re doing!”

“They do,” Khonshu said. They looked up at the tall bird standing next to them, and he swung his long beak over to point at the giant eel-like creature (Leviathan, Khonshu called it?) swimming through the air. It was then that Marc finally noticed something flying right in front of its nose, red and gold metal soaring between buildings. 

“Iron Man,” Steven muttered, squinting at the figure. “What in the hell is he doing?”

They watched as Iron Man flew low to the ground, the Leviathan following close behind, right towards a small group in the middle of the street. One of the people started to walk forward, and as he did his form changed, green skin ripping through his shirt and growing until suddenly the Hulk appeared in his place, his fist slamming into the nose of the giant alien with a defiant roar. 

Marc, Steven, and Jake all watched in awe as the monster flipped head over tail, its armor falling away until Iron Man shot a series of flares at it, causing the creature to explode. A magnificent shower of fire, metal, and flesh rained down on the street, evidence of the Leviathan’s quick death.

“Dios mio,” Jake breathed. “Yeah. They know what they’re doing.”

“Oh thank god,” Steven muttered. “I didn’t want to be the one to come up with a plan.”

“What makes you think you’d come up with the plan?” Marc leapt off the building and deployed their glider again, angling them towards the group.

“You’re the one who almost put us in the same position as that Leviathan,” Steven muttered. Marc sighed and rolled his eyes. 

It’s not like he didn’t have a point. Didn’t mean he had to like it though. 

He landed with a roll in an alleyway near the group of superheroes, but rather than stepping into sight, something made him stop. Or rather, some one.  

“What is it?” Marc snapped, frowning at his frozen feet. “C’mon, they need our help.”

“I didn’t come here just to get told what to do,” Jake growled. “We’ll listen in, see what their plan is, and fill in the gaps. I’m not lookin’ to get ordered around by the Knight in Shining Red, White, and Blue.”

“Oh my fucking--fine, fine, whatever, do it your way like we always--”

“Bloody hell, will you shut up, I can’t hear them!”

Steven crouched low behind a thoroughly wrecked car and peered through its shattered windows, letting his mask fall away and straining his ears to hear what they were saying. 

“Alright, listen up,” Captain America’s clear voice said. “Until we can close that portal, our priority is containment.” He turned to a man with a bow and quiver of arrows. “Barton, I want you on that roof. Eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays.” Then to Iron Man. “Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.”

A moment later Stark and Barton soared up into the sky, and Cap turned to a man in a flowing cape holding a large hammer. 

“Thor, you gotta try and bottleneck that portal. Slow them down. You got the lightning. Light the bastards up.”

The man called Thor followed in the same fashion as Barton and Stark, and Cap turned to a woman with bright red hair. 

“You and me, we stay here on the ground. We keep the fighting here. And Hulk?”

The giant green man turned toward him with a snarl. 

“Smash.”

And finally off the last team member went, a deafening roar echoing down the street as he threw aliens left and right. 

“That’s… all well and good,” Steven said.

“But?” Jake asked. 

“Well he never told anyone what to do about Loki, or the portal, did he? What’s the use of fighting the aliens if more of them are just going to keep coming through that rip in the sky?” Steven said. 

Once again, Marc had to admit he had a point. Even as he looked up now he could see more and more aliens pouring through the hole, like blood from a fresh wound. Two more of the Leviathans had swam through the sky now, and he was sure that given enough time, there would be far more than that soon. 

“Looks like we’ve figured out what we’re doing,” Marc said, and Steven let the Mr. Knight mask form around their face again. 

“Be wary, now,” Khonshu warned as Steven popped the cap off the end of his truncheon, revealing the grappling hook inside. “Loki is no easy opponent. He is not a god that will show mercy to a mortal. Do not let your guard down.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve met an arsehole god before,” Steven muttered. “I see one every night.”

Steven pointed his truncheon at a building and launched up into the sky before Khonshu could respond. Still, Marc found he didn’t mind it. Old bird needed to be taken down a peg, as Steven always said. 

“Alright you bastard, where the hell are you?” Marc said, shifting suits to use his glider, and scanning the air for any trace of golden horns. Light flashed on the edge of his vision and he turned to see that Thor was completing his task, throwing long bolts of lightning at the portal. And heading straight for him was a blur of green and gold. “There you are. Steven, since you’re apparently the alien-fighting-expert, how do you want to hit him?”

Steven formed a silent plan, relaying it to Marc and Jake in their mind. 

“Jesus, Steven, and you tell me I’m gonna get us killed,” Marc muttered. “This shit better work.”

Marc glided over Stark Tower and began a slow spiral down, circling the portal beam and keeping an eye on Loki, who was getting closer and closer to Thor, and consequently, closer to Stark Tower. 

“You can’t miss this shot, Steven,” Jake said. “Me and Marc can get us into position but if you--”

“He can do it, Jake. Let him concentrate,” Marc said. He could feel Steven thinking hard, and his eyes were starting to hurt from how hard they were staring at the green and gold blur that was Loki. 

Almost…

They could see Loki’s face now. 

Almost…

His lips were pulled into a snarl, strikingly blue eyes seeming to glow against his pale skin. 

Almost…

He swerved by the tower just as they circled towards him. 

“NOW!” Steven shouted. He shifted into his Mr. Knight suit and pointed the end of his truncheon at Loki’s back. The grappling hook shot out as they began to fall, and dug deep into Asgardian armor and cloth. Steven pulled hard, turning over in the air as he yanked Loki off of his Chitauri craft. Loki cried out in surprise as Steven grabbed him by his chestplate and slammed his back into the roof of Stark Tower, landing on top of the god with a snarl. 

“Gotcha.”

Loki stared at them for a moment, his helmet having fallen off and his hair swaying from the portal’s energy beside them, before his bright blue eyes flicked up to the crescent on Steven’s mask. 

“Ah,” he breathed, his lips turning up unto a grin. “Khonshu. I take it this is your latest ‘Fist of Vengeance’?”

“Loki, you must cease this foolishness at once!” Khonshu said, appearing at their side. “Your reckless actions will send this entire planet into disarray!”

“You say that like it’s such a bad thing,” Loki said, and for the first time, it seemed someone other than the moon system could see the giant god standing next to them. Loki tilted his head in mock confusion and tapped his chin. “Yet I seem to remember that you’ve always liked a bit of discord. What was it that you always used to say?”

Loki suddenly yanked Steven forward and whispered in his ear. 

“Ah yes. Embrace the chaos!”

And before they could react Loki kicked them off, sending Steven scrambling to regain his footing, but it was too late. Loki was already on his feet, a large golden scepter materializing in his hand. 

He touched the point to their heart, and a haze of blue filled their vision.

~~~

“Hello, and welcome to Staying Awake.”

What? What is the meaning of this?

“Meet my friend, Jake Lockley.”

Is this who you are?

“It’s Steven, actually, I am… Steven.”

No, no that doesn’t make sense.

Tick tock, Marc Spector. Tick, tock.

Marc Spector?

I serve Khonshu. I’m his avatar. Which means you are too.

No, no this isn’t what’s supposed to happen. 

Surrender the body to Marc. 

No, NO! He is mine now! He’s supposed to stand down, supposed to kneel to ME!

Do you want to know the truth?

Why am I here? Where am I? I’m not supposed to be here, this isn’t how it works.

There’s chaos in you. 

I am chaos.

Your mind, I can feel it. 

No, no I forbid it. 

Fractured. 

Stop--

Broken.

No, no it’s not, I am a King, I’m--

What a waste. 

…Father?

You were always jealous of him. 

What? Of Thor? What is happening?

Ever since he was born. 

Because YOU favored him! Always, since we were children!

I should’ve known you’d do something like this. 

Of course you think I did this because of him, because it’s always about him! It’s always your precious Thor!

You’re about to lose everything. 

I never had it.

Do you understand?

No, no this is all wrong, none of this makes sense. Who are you?

You want to remember the truth?

That I had a father that ignored me? That hated me?

That made your life a living hell?

You’re just trying to upset me.

You’re gonna learn to listen.

Stop it. 

Why do you have to make me do this?

Stop, stop this, father, please--

You disgusting human.

STOP, STOP THIS PLEASE!

It’s maddening, isn’t it?

Who are you?!

The voice in your head. 

His voice in my head. 

Relentless, forever unsatisfied. 

He could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard.

No matter how hard you try to please…

Am I just the monster parents tell their children about at night?

…it devours you, until there’s nothing left but a hollow shell.

…I am going to die here, aren’t I?

You’re not gonna die. 

What?

Let me save us.  

…Alright.

~~~

Coming out of the hazy blue felt like finally taking a breath after too long underwater. The world was too bright, too colorful for their eyes now, it made Marc want to squeeze his eyes shut and put his head between his knees. All the sounds of the world were muffled and loud at the same time, ringing in their ears and hammering at the inside of their skull, but completely unintelligible. 

“…up! Get…!” Khonshu’s cold voice said somewhere between a mile away and right in their ear. 

“Fuck off,” Jake groaned. 

“What is…? No, no I didn’t want this.” Marc forced his eyes to stay open as he looked up at Loki, who was staggering to his feet and staring at the city around him, scepter forgotten on the ground. 

“Loki?” Marc said, slowly standing up. Loki whirled around, but looking at his face now, Marc could swear this was a different man than the one they’d been fighting.

There was a horrified and confused expression on Loki’s face, all malice and confidence wiped away. His hands were shaking and there was a fine sheen of sweat on his face, as if he were sick. 

But the biggest difference was his eyes.  

Not only had they lost their reckless courage, but they were no longer a bright, icy blue. They were green, soft and playful even as confusion and fear overpowered them. 

This wasn’t the man they fought, but it was the man in the blue haze of their mind just moments ago. 

“W-Who are you?!” Loki shouted over the roar of the portal. His hands gripped the railing on the roof so hard his pale knuckles somehow grew whiter. “You’re not the man I fought!”

“Listen, I know you’re confused, but we don’t have time for that right now!” Marc said. He pointed to the machine creating the portal and the glowing blue cube inside it. “Tell me how to shut down this portal!”

Loki looked at the machine, then up at the portal in the sky, and shook his head. 

“We can’t shut it down now, the Chitauri will still be headed for Midgard even without a portal to aid them. It will only delay the inevitable--we need to destroy their ship!”

“How the hell are we supposed to do that!?”

Loki looked apprehensively at the scepter still laying at their feet. Marc sighed and picked it up, handing it over to him. He didn’t much like the idea of handing over the weapon that just threw his brain into the blender, but it’s not like he knew how to use it either. 

Loki took it with an acknowledging nod, then stepped next to the machine so the portal was directly overhead. Within a moment the scepter started to make a loud whirring sound, its gem glowing brighter and brighter every second.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to destroy the ship and close the portal!” Loki shouted, his teeth gritted and straining from the power of the scepter. “So once I destroy the ship, you need to take the scepter and plunge it into the heart of this machine! Do it before the blast makes it to the portal!”

He gasped and stumbled as the gem’s power grew, and Marc caught him by the shoulders, barely keeping him from hitting the ground. The gem was starting to glow yellow in its core now, like a fire swallowed by cold ice. 

“That will close the portal?!” Marc said. 

“Yes!” Loki barely got the word out before he hissed in pain again, but his eyes were full of determination, and he straightened up again, standing on his own two feet without Marc’s help. 

Loki roared as a bright beam of yellow light burst from the scepter’s gem, shooting up into the sky and through the portal, and he held it long enough for an explosion of fire and light to be seen from below. 

Around them Marc saw aliens begin to fall, dropping from buildings and their crafts crashing to the ground. Without their ship to lead them, the hivemind army fell from the sky. The Chitauri were dead. 

Loki had saved the world.

Loki himself went limp a moment later, dropping the scepter and leaving Marc to catch him before he fell. He was pale, but his chest still rose and fell with labored breaths. 

Alive, but spent. 

Marc quickly laid him down and took up the scepter, not even checking to see if debris from the Chitauri ship had begun to fall. He plunged it right into the crown of the portal, below the glowing cube, struggling against its power. After a few, agonizing moments, the end of the scepter finally reached the heart and the machine shut down with a creaking moan. 

The portal closed, and the sky was clear, as if nothing had ever been there in the first place.

Marc dropped the scepter and leaned on his knees, gasping for breath and squeezing his eyes shut at the headache forming behind his eyes. 

“Thank you.”

Marc opened his eyes to see Loki standing again. Leaning heavily against the railing of the roof, but still standing.

“I’m uh… I’m Marc,” Marc said, straightening up. “Or Moon Knight. But I guess you’ve already heard my real name so it’s not worth keeping secret anymore.” He let his mask and hood fall away so Loki could see their face. “This isn’t going to make a lot of sense, but I kind of… share a body with the guy you fought.”

Steven returned to the front, and with him his Mr. Knight suit. Recognition dawned on Loki’s face as Steven gave him a wave. 

“Hiya,” he said. “I’m Steven, or Mr. Knight. We also have a third here.”

Jake fronted along with his black suit. 

“Hola,” he said. “Just call me Jake. I don’t have a fancy name like the other two.”

Loki didn’t seem to have it in him to answer. He gave a minute nod and ran a shaky hand through his hair, his eyes flicking back to the city ruins below them. 

“I…I don’t understand,” Loki said, apparently talking more to himself than to anyone else. “Why did I do this? I never wanted to hurt--I never wanted to do any of this.”

“I believe I may have an explanation,” Khonshu said suddenly, causing both men to jump. He pointed his staff in the direction of Loki’s fallen scepter. “That staff holds an incredibly powerful gem, it’s magic unlike any other in this universe.”

“The Mind Stone,” Loki said softly. 

“Yes,” Khonshu replied. “However, it has been altered. That blue gem is not its natural state, and I believe it was corrupting you, Loki. The longer you wielded that staff, the more it infected your mind, filling it with desires that were not your own.”

“He… He tricked me,” Loki said. His green eyes started to fill with tears as he gazed down at the desolation around them. “It was all a lie.” 

He slumped down, sitting with his back to the railing, and put his head in his trembling hands. 

Jake stepped forward and sat down next to Loki with a sigh. 

“You alright?” he asked. Loki gave a mirthless laugh and wiped his eyes. 

“I have a migraine,” he muttered. 

“Yeah, we’re gettin’ one too,” Jake said, rubbing their head. “That gem thing really scrambles your mind, huh?”

“It’s supposed to,” Loki said. “But I think with the condition of your mind, it didn’t work properly. You were supposed to be hypnotized, made to follow my command. But with so many of you sharing one heart, it couldn’t choose just one to control. So it grabbed a bit of everybody. Including me, apparently.”

“Huh,” Jake said. “Guess so. I dunno anything ‘bout this magic stuff. That’s more Steven’s thing.”

“Ah.” Loki looked up at them with a calculating stare, scanning over their face as if looking for the other two alters hidden behind Jake’s eyes. “Are you cursed?”

Jake barked a laugh that made Loki start, but soon he too grinned and chuckled at his own words. 

“Sorry, that may have been a bit forward,” Loki said. 

“No, it’s a fair question, what with all the magic and weird shit happening all the time,” Jake said. “But no, we’re not. Sometimes it feels like we are, but we’ve learned to work together, so it’s not as bad as it used to be.”

Loki nodded and laced his fingers together, looking at them thoughtfully. 

“That… wasn’t my father I was speaking to in your mind, was it?” he said. 

Jake stiffened, and Steven took over the front, gasping a little at the stab of pain in their head as they made the switch. Loki looked up at them in concern, but Steven waved him off. 

“It’s alright,” he said. “Jake just doesn’t like to talk about those things. And no, it wasn’t. It was kind of a lot of people really. Those were our memories.”

“Your memories? Even the--” Loki cut off, unwilling to repeat the words he’d heard in their mind. But Steven didn’t need him to. 

“The ‘disgusting human’ bit?” Steven said, offering a sad smile. Loki nodded. “Yeah. That would be our dear old mum.”

Loki didn’t answer to this, only looking back down at his laced fingers with a sorrowful gaze. 

“So erm,” Steven went on, “Would I be right in saying you probably didn’t exactly have the best father ever?”

Loki scoffed and his jaw tightened. 

“Not according to the whole kingdom,” he muttered. “If we asked them, they’d say he was the greatest man to ever exist, a hero to all the realms, and any son of his should be proud to call him ‘father’.”

“Oh,” Steven said. “And if we asked you?”

“I’d say that I wonder how much happier I would’ve been if I wasn’t stolen from the world of my birth, and had grown up with a father who actually loved me.”

Loki sighed and more tears sprang to his eyes as he returned his gaze to the city. 

“But I can’t even begin to imagine that,” he said softly. “My father… he’s part of me. He shaped me to be king, a ruler. He taught me to constantly strive for his approval, but he held it just out of reach. He’s part of who I am, and I who I am is a monster.”

He turned and looked into Steven’s eyes. 

“How can I ever be anything more than what I was made to be?”

Steven looked at him for a moment before looking down at their suit. 

“I think you should take this one Marc.”

Marc obliged, and shifted to the front, the Mr. Knight suit fading away to form his Moon Knight suit. 

He looked back up at Loki, and put his hand on his shoulder. 

“Time,” he said simply. “Time and a little help.”

“That’s it?” Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Easier said than done,” Marc said. “I know how you feel right now. It’s how I felt a few months ago, before I moved here. 

“I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life. I grew up with a mother like your father. A mother that hated me, that made my life a living hell, that convinced me all I could ever be was someone that hurt people. So that’s what I did, for a real long time. And even when I tried to stop, I still hurt people. I hurt my friends. I hurt my wife. I hurt the people that lived in my own mind. But worst of all, I hurt myself. 

“I hurt myself by believing what my mother told me. By thinking that all I could ever be was a killer, and a monster. By believing that every bad thing I ever did and every bad thing that ever happened to me was an inevitable consequence of being born. 

“I hurt myself by believing that all I could be was what my mother told me I was. A disgusting human. A killer. A monster.”

Loki looked up into his eyes at the last word, and Marc hoped the expression on his face mirrored the empathy he felt. 

“After I let people in though, I started to get better,” he said. “I let Steven help me. I let my wife take care of me. I let Jake protect me. I let myself find love and family again. It was hard, and it hurt like hell, and it felt so fucking wrong the whole time, but in the end I am so much happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

“And yeah, sometimes I still believe what my mom told me. I still believe I’m a monster, that I’m a killer, that I’m a disgusting human who’s unworthy of the love my family has for me. But I’ve learned that when I feel that way, I don’t have to run away and save myself from pain anymore. I can go to the people I love, and let them love me back.”

Marc glanced down at the movement in the corner of his eye, and smiled when he saw Thor walking on the balcony of Stark Tower just a few feet below them. He was pacing around, looking in each broken window and tapping his hammer nervously with his fingers. 

“And it looks like someone who loves you is looking for you right now,” Marc said.

Loki looked down and gazed at Thor, a wishful and scared glint in the green of his eyes. 

“What if--”

“You’ll never know until you try,” Marc said. Loki pressed his lips together and nodded. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Anytime.”

Together they climbed down the tower and dropped onto the balcony, and Marc let the mask and hood form over their face again before Thor saw them. 

But he didn’t need to, because the only person Thor seemed to see was his brother. He didn’t hesitate for even a second before dropping his hammer and running to Loki, throwing strong arms around his brother and holding him tight. 

Marc smiled at them, before leaping off the tower and spreading his cape, gliding back down to the streets of New York City. 

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought of this story, I'd love to hear your opinions!

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

"Mistletoe"

SUMMARY: A Christmas-themed fanfic that accompanies "Broken & Beautiful."

NOTES: I had intended to make this Chapter 13, but I wanted to release it in time for Christmas. Chapter 12 isn't even written yet. So ... Merry Christmas, everyone!

TIMELINE: After the soon-to-be-written Chapter 12.

CHRISTMAS DIVIDER: dawn-petrichor-world

     It’s Christmas night, and the restaurant is packed. I don’t know what it’s like on the second floor, but there is not a single table on the first floor that isn’t filled to capacity. I don’t know why Howard insisted on playing instrumental Christmas music in the background, because it can barely be heard over the din. And I have never been so glad that I’m not a member of the wait staff. If they’re not racing about like chickens with their heads cut off, they’re forced to deal with cranky guests who haven’t been touched by the holiday spirit.

     Then again, who am I to talk? I’m really no better than them. Granted, I haven’t snapped at anyone. But there is definitely a cloud constantly hanging over my head. There’s a storm brewing, and I fear that the slightest thing could set off “Hurricane Lilah.”

     Despite his best efforts, Jake never could convince Simone to go to the Cape without him. Goodness forbid a 37-year-old should attend a Christmas party by herself, just this once. Apparently, she needs Jake to sit in a corner and get drunk while she “makes nice,” with people she doesn’t like because they have “connections.” Never mind the fact that Jake hates the Cape with a passion. Never mind the fact that he’d rather celebrate Christmas with me, the woman who loves him. Nope! It’s all about Simone. Well, I say screw her! Screw Simone and her pretentious friends in their fancy house in the Cape.

     Well, the joke’s on her. The weather took a turn for the worse, which mean that neither she nor Jake can get out of the city. The problem is: Jake is stuck in a car with Simone because traffic is backed up. So even though he’s still in NYC, we still won’t spend Christmas together. And although the snow has stopped falling, that doesn’t mean that the temperature has improved. The one thing I can thank Simone for is the fact that she had the presence of mind to make sure that there were a few blankets in the car, just in case.

     “If you scrub at that bar top any harder, you’re going to start a fire.”

     I look over at Sam, the older gentleman who’s covering for Jake, but I don’t stop what I’m doing. “Sorry, Sam. I just can’t seem to get this sticky stuff off of here,” I lie. The truth is: when I’m stressed or just plain angry, I clean. After that argument with Jake in the basement, I took my anger out on every cobweb and dust mite imaginable. I usually keep my home neat and tidy, but I’ve never seen it look so clean.

     “Mm-hmm.”

     I glance at him again. He’s observing me as he polishes a glass. What’s this guy’s problem? Can’t I attack an imaginary spill in peace?

     “Holiday stress getting to you?”

     “You could say that,” I respond, moving on to another spot.

     “Were you able to spend time with family for the holidays?”

     I know he means well; that he’s just making small talk. He’s a nice guy, but he’s really pushing my buttons. I remain polite as I respond “I don’t have family.”

     Not in the traditional sense, anyway. True, John and Maggie Kincaid adopted me. They did right by me when I was a kid. They raised me. Fed me. Clothed me. Taught me right from wrong. Saw to it that I received a good education and a normal upbringing. And there was a time when I thought they loved me. Then I went through my rebellious stage, and they eventually wrote me off. We haven’t spoken in years, in spite of my best efforts to reach out to them.

     I can hear the sympathy in Sam’s voice. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear about that.” There’s a pause, and then he asks “Is there someone you can be with? No one should be alone during the holidays.”

     Why not add a little salt and lemon juice to that vinegar you just dumped on my open wound, Sam? The one person I wanted to spend Christmas Day with is stuck in traffic somewhere, trying to stay warm ... with the manipulative shrew of a woman who raised him.

     But then, when I cast my gaze to the main floor and see my co-workers, I realize ... I actually do have people to spend Christmas with. I do have family. This isn’t one that I was born into. This is one that I’ve chosen; one that’s chosen me. I’ve been so caught up in feeling sorry for myself that I forgot that.

     Although I haven’t stopped cleaning the bar top, my movements have become less angry and frantic. I smile a little when I say to him “You know what, Sam? I think I’ve just found people to be with tonight.”

     Sam leaves right after his duties are completed, and we bid each other a Merry Christmas. Even though I still feel an ache in my heart at Jake’s absence, my mood has lightened a bit. I even laugh a little when I find a reindeer antler headband and a light-up Rudolph nose on the shelf of my locker, accompanied by a note.

     Hey. Lighten up a bit. It’s Christmas.

     - Your Secret Santa.

     I slip into a beige Christmas sweater and a pair of black pants, sliding my feet into a pair of warm winter boots. I grab my gifts, along with my purse and coat, and make tracks for the door. I pause when my phone chirps, taking time to read the text Jake has sent me.

     Hey, Lilah. Good news. Traffic has let up.

     I feel myself brighten at this. Then I frown when another text comes through.

     Bad news: car broke down. Think it’s the transmission. Waiting for a tow truck.

     Ugh. Of course. Just when I think the stars have aligned and a path has been cleared for Jake to come home ... this happens.

     I’m trying, babe.

     My smile returns, and I text back: I know. Just get home safe.

     I will. See you soon.

     I make my way to the dining area and step behind the bar, setting down my belongings as I get ready to take everyone’s orders. Scott, who’s lounging at a table with Will, calls out to me.

     “Hey! You’re not wearing my Christmas gift!” I laugh and shake my head. “Put ‘em on! I paid good money for that shit!”

     “Come on, Scott! I’ll look stupid!” I whine.

     When the others join in on egging me on, I finally relent. I slip on the headband and the nose, all too happy when Scott says “You’re right! You look ridiculous! Take ‘em off!”

     I remove the nose and put it in my purse, but decide to keep the headband on. Scott is right. I do need to lighten up. After serving everyone else, I fix myself a holiday-themed drink and lean against the bar top next to Tess. I take a sip of my drink, satisfied by the amount of peppermint flavor I added.

     “You kept the antlers on,” Tess comments.

     I shrug. “Yeah. Well, like Scott said: It’s Christmas. Besides, I look cute in antlers.”

     There’s a moment of silence between us. Even though Tess and I have buried the hatchet, things are still a little awkward between us. It’s going to take me a while to trust her. But at least we’re not at each other’s throats.

     “How’s your Christmas been?” I ask.

     She takes a sip of her wine. “Okay, so far. I heard from my dad.”

     “Yeah? How’d that go?”

     Tess shrugs a little. “Well, you know ...”

     I scrunch up my nose. I don’t know much about Tess, but I know that her relationship with her father isn’t that great. “That well, huh?”

     “Yeah. He still thinks that moving to New York was a big mistake.”

     “Well, at the end of the day ... his opinion doesn’t matter. What do you think, Tess? Do you think it was a mistake?”

     She answers, without hesitation. “No. I don’t.”

     “Well, then screw him and his opinion.” She laughs. “I’m serious! If you’re happy here, then that’s all that matters.” I pause, thinking this next part over. I don’t know if I can trust her with this information, but maybe it’ll help her. We’re not friends, but I feel for her. “Look. If it helps, I know how it feels.” At her curious look, I continue. “My parents ... the ones who adopted me ... they wrote me off when I moved back to New York.”

     “You lived here before?”

     I nod. “I did. Will and I went to Columbia together. Didn’t he tell you that?” She shakes her head. “Well ... long story short, I ...” Deciding not to reveal too much, I choose my words carefully. “ ... I left school and moved back to Baltimore. I lasted about a year there. Then I traveled a bit. Finally, I realized that Baltimore isn’t my home. New York is. I don’t know. There’s just something about this city. It grabs a hold of you, and it doesn’t let go.”

     Tess nods. “I know what you mean.”

     “Anyway, John and Maggie weren’t too happy with me.”

     “Why?”

     “For the same reason your dad isn’t happy with you: they thought I was making a big mistake. We got into a huge argument, and ...” I look away from her and quietly add “Well, that’s a story for a different time.”

     “That’s pretty brave of you. What you did, I mean.”

     I glance over at her, and she’s giving me that same look of admiration that she gives to Simone. It makes me uncomfortable, to be honest. “Thank you.”

     “Have you heard from Jake?”

     “I did. The traffic let up, but Simone’s car broke down. They’re waiting for a tow truck.”

     “I’m sorry. I know how much you and Jake wanted to be together.”

     “Well, at least he’s not stuck hundreds of miles away in Cape Cod. I just ...” I become frustrated, suddenly, and poor Tess has to listen to me rant. “Up until this year, I was perfectly content celebrating Christmas as a single woman. I was used to it. I mean, yeah! It sucked that I didn’t have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe. But ... I was fine. And now that I have Jake, I ... I mean, is it too much to ask that I get to spend Christmas with the man I’m seeing? I feel like the universe is conspiring against me.” I calm down a bit. “Sorry. I just ... This sucks!”

     Tess looks at me for a while, startled by my rant. Eager to lighten the mood, she says “Yeah. It sucks. But ... you really do look cute in antlers,” and then raises her glass to me.

     I let out a quiet laugh and roll my eyes. “You should have seen me with the nose on.”

     We clink our glasses together and take a sip of our drinks.

     Most of the crowd has dispersed, leaving only myself and my friends. I’m standing behind the bar, sipping on a second helping of my holiday cocktail, while traditional Christmas carols play in the background. I’m still wearing my antler headband. Only now, a piece of mistletoe is hanging from one of the antlers. Ari, Heather and Sasha bid me goodbye as they leave. Now I’m left with Will and Tess, who look like they’re ready to leave as well.

     Will approaches the bar. “Hey. You need some help cleaning up?”

     I shake my head, trying to ignore the sympathetic look he’s giving me. “Naw. You two head out. There isn’t much to do.”

     “You sure?” Tess asks.

     I nod, putting on my best ‘I’m fine. Really!’ smile. “Yeah. I’m sure. Go on. Have fun.”

     They each wish me a merry Christmas and leave through the front door, and I’m alone. I switch off the music on the stereo and select a song that perfectly fits my mood. I hum along to The Eagles’ “Please Come Home For Christmas,” as I quickly wipe down the bar top. I gather up the used glasses and put them in the bus tub, taking them to the kitchen. I rinse out the glasses and put them in the dishwasher, leaving the bus tub on the counter.

     I walk back to the bar, bending down to pick up my purse and pull on my coat. I move about the dining area, straightening up the chairs and switching off the lights on the Christmas tree. Realizing that it’s been a while since I’ve heard from Jake, I pull my phone out of my purse and check my messages.

     Tow truck arrived. Trying to catch a cab.

     I let out a sad sigh, realizing that the last text was sent over an hour ago. I take one last look at the second-floor Christmas tree before I make my way back to the bar to turn off the stereo. I reach out to press the OFF switch when a voice catches my attention.

     “Hey, beautiful. Why so sad?”

     I turn around, and I take in a sharp breath when I see Jake standing at the other end of the bar. He looks cold and tired, but the smile he gives me speaks volumes. “Jake!” I reach him in only a few strides, throwing my arms around him and resting my cheek against his chest. He chuckles, and I relish the vibration of his voice. “You made it!”

     “I did.” He wraps one arm around my waist while a hand rests on the back of my head.

     I let out a happy sigh, closing my eyes in contentment. I pull back to look up at him, and I don‘t think my smile can become even wider. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

     He reaches out with a gloved hand to stroke my cheek. “Told you I’d try.” He bends down to kiss me, and I give in eagerly.

     When our kiss ends, I can’t help but ask “Where’s Simone?”

     “She’s home. The cab driver dropped her off first, and I told him to take me here.”

     “I’ve never been so grateful for a lousy transmission.”

     Jake laughs at this, and I’m drawn into another kiss. “Wanna get out of here?” he asks.

     I nod eagerly. It doesn’t take me long to shut off the stereo, lock the front doors, and make sure all the lights are off. Jake slings his duffel over his shoulder and wraps an arm around my waist, and we make our way through the kitchen and out the back. As we walk down the alley, he asks the question that I’m sure has been on his mind all this time.

     “So ... what’s with the antlers?”

@anastacia-lynn

@mypsychoticlove

[igotanidea]

Gritty - sweetbitter fanfiction (Jake x OC) : chapter 1

not gonna lie - I'm super excited to publish this

also: if you have any suggestions of what tags should I use to blast this story let me know :)

Enjoy and share

Pairing: sweetbitter!Jake X OC

word count: 5.645

warnings: not in this part, but def. in the future

masterlist

Chapter 1

Welcome to New York

12 years ago, September 1st

­- You are my best friend, you know – I said to a boy sitting next to me on the pier by the ocean in our favorite spot in Cape Cod. Since it was early Monday morning there was not a soul to be seen and we both loved this peace and calmness that comes with lack of people. The circumstances of our conversation was however a bit more saddening. -  Even if…

-What?

-Even if Simone tries to keep you away.

-She doesn’t keep me away. She just …. cares.

- Yeah, right.

-What?

-Nothing. I just… I know she is like a mother to you, but your relation is just … I don’t know…

- Are you jealous? – he squinted

- Really, Jake? Joking much? – I eyed him with serious look, shaking my head but he could see the smallest of smiles on my face – I care too, you know. Just in a different way. Don’t know if it’s better but that’s just how it is. More like watching from the distance.

- Like a predator. Waiting for a prey – he nudges me playfully – you are like a kestrel.

- That is an unusual comparison.

-Maybe – he shrugged- but it fits you. In a good way – he shifted towards me, now sitting with his one leg up his chest, the other stretched freely – you may seems quiet and distant but you are always there for those who need you. For me and I …. – he hesitated but never finished – never mind.So…. you’re leaving?

-I don’t want to . I don’t freaking want to. But, shit, I’m barely 15 and no one treats me seriously so what a girl can do?

-You could raise a rebellion. I would do that if I had a choice.

-Mhm, sure. And end up being grounded to the addition to the moving. It’s already hard as it is. – I went silent looking at the sea in front of us. The wind was flowing through my messy hair and I was trying my best to remember everything about the place where I grew up and about the person I cared about. Jake. And Simone, but that was a bit more complicated story.

-I don’t want you to go – he muttered barely audible looking at the ground for some reason avoiding my gaze.

-I know, Tri, I’m scared. Everything will be new there. I don’t know if I will fit in. I mean, New York? The buzzing city? The “concrete jungle where dreams are made of”? This is some serious shit.   – my voice was flat, but we both had this sort of connection where we knew the hidden emotions. We knew each other since we were 8 and Jake lost his mother, and spending a lot of time together we kind of learnt how to read each other. However, this bond never got a chance to turn into something more serious and the reason behind it ….

- There you are! – a tall blonde girl emerged from behind causing both of us to jump. Up till now I didn’t even realize that we so close to each other. She slid in the space between us and with a widest smile started talking – everyone has been looking for you, Mackie. And I was worried about you, Jake.

- Simone – I nod my head towards her. We were some sort of friends but I always knew deep inside me that she was hiding something. I had my suspicions about it too, but never really confronted either Jake or Simone about it. When I tried they were just shutting me off and I never wanted that.

-We are fine, Simone – Jake abruptly stood up and leaned over the barrier. Now he was up while me and Simone were sitting next to each other. – We were just talking.

-About what? – she shook her head and her perfect hair waved.

-Mackie’s moving to the big city.

-Oh, yes. We are going to miss you, Mackie, truly. You are our best friend after all. Besides, we would still call and text each other, right? And talk on Skype. We have so many possibilities.

-Sure. Sure Simone. Every day. I would not accept anything else – I agreed looking at her – sure as hell won’t let you get rid of me so easily.

-I’m counting on that – Simone moved closer and hugged me – I’m really, really sorry this had to happen to you.

- Having a lawyer father and a mother that got a job at NYU I should have seen that coming – I sighed letting the girl hold me. It was surprisingly comforting. – Anyway, I’m cold. Shall we had back?

-Sure. There is some hot tea and snacks at home. And maybe we will get a taste of the wine that has been growing in the cellar. Help me up, Jake? – she stuck her hand and Jake lifted her. – Let’s go – she took the boy by one arm and me by the other and we walked towards the house.

12 years ago, September 5th

-Just hurry up, Mackie! Say goodbye to your friends and get in the car! We have quite a journey ahead!

-Oh come on, mum. I need some more time!

-You will address your mother with more respect young lady! – my father chimed into the conversation

-Sorry dad – I muttered – it’s important to me, ok? A couple of minutes, please? – I pleaded with my eyes wide open for better effect.

- You are a player, you know that, and your charm does not work on me, but I understand. I’ll give you those couple of minutes. Now, go! – he pointed me towards Jake and Simone who were standing a few meters away and got in car himself. As soon as he did I turned towards my friends.

-This is it then – I shrugged.

-We will never forget you, Mackie.

Shit, Simone! I wanted to avoid being melodramatic – I smirked when she reached her arms and hold me closely.

-Well I wanted to be. Promise to call us. – she moved so she could look at my face. – Promise.

- I promise – I looked at Jake who was just standing there, hands in his pockets, no word and no expression on his face – Bye, Jake. – I said without taking any step closer to him. I just could not force myself to and neither did he. As you may have guessed we were both reserved and distant.

-Bye, Kennel – he answered and just kept on standing in the same pose looking straight at me. I withheld this gaze without looking down. 

- Your parents are waiting, Mack – Simone said when my father honked a couple of times hurrying me up. – I’m going inside. I can’t watch you drive away – she hugged me one more time and disappeared inside. As soon as she was out of sight Jake shifted forward and embraced me with his arms. That  was new. Burring his face in my neck, giving me some tickling he muttered something I could not quite understand (but there was something that started with L) and then as fast as Simone entered the house.

My first instinct was to run after him and make him explain all this but it truly was time to go.

8 years ago, July 4th

The independence day. The national celebration and what was most important – day FREE OF WORK. Even though I practically had to beg I forced my parents to take an opportunity to make a little trip to a Cape Cod.  For no particular reason they were reluctant but finally gave up. So I finally get a chance to reunite with my friends. I have to admit that for the last years our contact varied. Skype and messages were fine and frequent, I also came to visit from time to time but since I wasn’t there on regular basis I felt like I was cut off from a lot of things.

4th of July and summer time finally gave me an opportunity to make up for that. So can you blame me that when we arrived at Cape Cod my first instinct was to run to our place by the seaside? I was really hoping to find Jake there. I needed to talk to him first, before Simone since there was something off about him last time we spoke. I run the steps leading towards the pier and was welcomed by the sea breeze on my face. Oh, how I missed that! It’s been too long. Luckily, I was turning 18 next year so maybe I will be able to finally convince my parents that I’m fine traveling by myself.

-Kennel? – I spun around, all hair immediately on my face, blocking the view. But even if my sight was off for a moment I knew who was standing in front of me.

- Jake – I smiled as I got a hold of them and it grew even bigger when he put a single left strand behind my ear.  – Hello.

- I’ve heard you were coming – he moved an inch closer.

-Really? I thought you just spend the last two years here waiting for me to return. 

- You are crazy – he shook his head. – Nothing changed.

-With you too, I guess? Nothing new?

- Not much. I mean, what do I have in comparison with new Yorker?

-I don’t feel like I am. This place consumes you, but it takes ages to actually feel like at home there. At least for me.

-You were always an introvert, maybe that’s why.

-Yeah, maybe – I leant onto the barrier, our hands almost touching when he brushed his fingers over mine. – I missed this. – Jake stayed silent just staring at the ocean and I didn’t feel the urge to fill the silence. Just this. Simple as it was. Meant much more than words.

-Simone is waiting for you too, we should head back.

- Should we?

- Yes, Mackie. Come on. We’ll eat and then watch the fireworks tonight.

***

The day just… passed and before I realized we were heading towards the beach to celebrate with other people. Even though it was still quite light we were off for quite a show. The fireworks at the sea shore were always better than anywhere else in the country.

Jake and Simone were walking ahead of me, joking and laughing, having the time of their lives. Their happy faces and teasing were something I missed too. They seemed closer than before I left and that was a little thorn but I decided not to focus on that too much and just enjoy the evening.

-Mackie! Catch up! – Simone called for me – don’t stay behind, why would you do that? It’s starting – she stopped between me and Jake as the fireworks started to explode. I was right, it was breathtaking. Me and Simone had our heads up admiring it, but when I tear my gaze away I noticed Jake was staring at me instead of at the sky. I frowned at him in confusion, silent question forming but he just shook his head signalizing it was nothing important, so I just shrugged and continued on watching.

It ended sooner than any of us wanted. It was still early but all of a sudden I felt tired and couldn’t suppress a yawn.

-Exhausted, Mackie? – Simone asked

- Yeah, don’t know why. Must be the journey.

-Sure it is. Jake will walk you home than, won’t you? I will stay here for a while more, hope you’ll join me later, ok?

- Whatever – Jake shrugged getting up from the sand and motioned me to move.

Silence seemed to be natural for us and once again it feel during our walk on the beach.

-I know you’re not really that tired – Jake finally broke it.

-Am I not? Why do you think so?

-Mackie, cut it. Thank you.

-No, Jake, seriously, what is going on? – I stopped abruptly finally having the chance to confront him – is there something, anything, you want to tell me?

- No – simple answer to much more complicated question.

-Liar.

-Menace.

-Asshole.

-Witch.

- Witch? – well that was new, but before I could think of a comeback his lips were on mine. Shit! What the …. – Jake! –I pushed him away with all the strengths that surprise gave me – what the hell? What got into you?

-I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to feel you for real. 

-Did you? – I raised my eyebrows still a bit mad but the eyes gave me away.

- Not in the slightest.

- Need another try? – I mocked feeling him coming close once again.

And THAT was the real firework. He captured my lips in his, chasing them every time I was foolishly trying to pull away. His hands on my waist just gripped me tighter towards him. There was something desperate in his embrace. Like he was looking for escape, trying to lost himself in me. I don’t know what he was trying to convey to me but wasn’t sure if this was about me or him or… us. It felt both right and wrong almost like there was a third person with us.

-Jake – I finally managed to pull back, but he was still holding me – am I a distraction to you?

-What?  - he frowned – Why?

-I’m just asking. And I want an honest answer, I can tell when you’re lying.

-You are not a distraction, Mackie.

-Glad we got it sorted- I freed myself of his embrace and continued the walk home as if nothing happened.  

3 years ago, October 23rd

Long distant relationships never work, and I mean NEVER. I’ve learned it the hard way.

-You should come visit me in New York on Christmas. It’s so magical here, Jake, it will cheer you up – I tried to convince him while we were talking through Skype.

- I don’t think that would be possible, Mackie.

- And why exactly not?

- Simone is going through some stuff. I need to be here for her.

-Ok, I get that. Doesn’t she want to come over too? I’ve got more than enough place for both my …. – I wasn’t exactly sure if I can call him boyfriend even after all this time. – friends.

-Yeah, she want to stay home, so I’ll take the rain check.

- Fine, have it your way. I just wished I could see you in person and …. You know – I blushed remembering the last time we saw each other which was quite heated.

- About that, I need some space, Mackie so how about we slow it down a bit?

-Slow down? Jake, we barely see each other, I’m busy with studies you are doing some secretive shit you won’t tell me about and you’re talking about slowing down? I mean, it’s alright with me – I may or may have not lied – but seriously, is everything ok on your side?

- I’m good – he muttered – and I gotta go – he hung up on me and for a moment I saw my reflection on the computer screen. What the hell just happened?

2 years ago, January 31st

To cut the story short, let me say that since that Skype talk on which we …. Broke up, I guess. If we were ever to be called a real couple… Never mind, since that Skype talk all my contact with Jake was more and more rough. He was distant, I was cold, never again asking, we were both suspicious and tough. Yeah, it just didn’t work between us anymore. And as a consequence neither did my contact with Simone, ever though she was still calling from time to time, but less and less frequently. As a distraction I focused on my school and studies and living my best life. Or best –ish. Life in New York was even faster and more stressful with time than at the beggining. The fast pace, the people everywhere and constant noise was something I was not used to. I much preferred the deserted landscape of the Cape, but I had to just adjust like my father jokingly put it.

I had to keep up with my classmates at new school which resulted in me taking a lot of extra classes and activities (my parents were very career and education oriented), than a job and before I realized I started college. NYU obviously. And being the daughter of one of the most strict teacher was not a piece of cake. Hence, I never really made any close friends. It was really, really hard time for me, cut from Jake and Simone (of course, after some time we stopped contacting each other, who would have guessed, right?), unable to make connection with “ethnic” New Yorkers and being pretty much alone. The only thing that helped me survive was writing. About everything that came into my mind. After classes, when my peers were just hanging out, probably going to the clubs or getting drunk I would just sit in the Central Park spitting my imagination out on paper. My parents did not notice my loneliness of course – they were too busy – but thanks to my mother connections I was able to publish one of my stories. And then the other. And the other. Of course, it was just a hobby since I studied economy. My mother’s brother, uncle Howard (even if I never called him uncle since he hated that) who was a manager at one of the New York finest restaurant believed it would be a great experience and opportunity for me to train there and honestly, I was more than happy to accept. Now, everyone was just waiting for me to finish my studies.

2 years ago, May 25th

After finally graduating (with honors, obviously), much to my parents’ displeasure and Howard’s quiet approval I decided to do some additional training in the area I was about to work in. So I took some culinary training and courses to help me with my knowledge in kitchen. This gave me an opportunity to extend my knowledge and come to Howard’s restaurant prepared. I’m not going to sugar coat working, learning and having to keep my rent and living costs in check was really, really hard and yet extremely satisfying. Besides, I knew what was ahead of me and that kept me afloat.

I also get some information about Jake and Simone. Yeah, I was still doing that. Apparently they moved to New York (I wondered how we haven’t bumped into each other, yet) and get a job and life here. Simone got married (which is unbelievable), spend some time in France learning about wine (which seemed more like her). Now they were working together in a restaurant. Like I mention I found it unexpected that we didn’t meet each other somewhere on the street

Today, October 11th

I was ready. I couldn’t  believe it. At the age of 27, which felt old enough I was standing in front of Howard’s restaurant ready to come in and enjoy the rest of my life. Enjoy what I worked for so hard. Even if that meant working even harder. I was ready. For the last two years I was visiting him occasionally just to get a grip of the place, observe people and the stuff, get an idea of how it all worked into the bigger picture. And I had to admit it, it was smooth. However, I was always undercover, some sort of a secret guest. Always taking a table close to the exit, never really engaging in the life of the restaurant. Me and Howard both agreed that it would be best for everyone, us included, since none of us wanted me to be treated any differently in future work. So I was more of a shadow. No one was supposed to know that I was related to Howard. For the first time in my life I wanted to be a part of something bigger. I also did not engage much with the servers. When I came, usually back door, Howard was the one to personally take care of all my meals. Looking back at that I have no idea how the hell we made it work, but somehow it happened.

And now, I was here. Not a student, not a secret guest, just me. Just Mackie, prepared to do what was expected of her. I was both excited and nervous but anyone watching me from the outside would never guess that. I perfectly knew how to cover up for my emotions and be cool and steady. After all, I was practicing that since I was a kid. Without any more thinking I entered the restaurant. Since it was early, it was practically empty, save two people sitting by the window. One of the bartenders that I remembered from my last time here was preparing the bar and the glasses for the night, two of the servers were folding napkins and cleaning the cutlery. The kitchen doors, behind the counter was opening and closing dynamically as from time to time someone else were carrying new utensils like saltshakers. I looked around and noticed Howard and some girl sitting at one of the tables. Being who I am I decided to just wait till they end to conversation so I sat on one of the bar stools minding my own business.

-Can I help you young lady? Isn’t is a bit early for you to look for a drink? And are you even allowed to legally drink? – the barman turned towards me

- well, the answer’s no for the first question and yes for the latter. I could use some water though.

-Sure thing. What brings you here at such an early hour?

-You are a talkative one, sir, aren’t you?

-It comes with the job. Bartenders are the one to listen to a sob stories a lot.

-Like a therapists?

- Wouldn’t go that far, but something like that. The name’s Nicky by the way – he handed me a glass.

-I’m Mackie – I shook his hand.

- So what’s your business here? – he asked again

-You are not going to let go, are you? – I smiled –  guess it is a business indeed. I ….

-Mackie – I did not even notice when Howard finished his talk and approached me – you’re early.

-I am, boss, it’s just my cautiousness talking.

-Wise – he nodded – Nicky, I see you have met our newest server.

-Server, huh? – Nicky fixed his glasses and eyed me – I see the business now. Welcome aboard, then. You are up for a bumpy ride, kiddo.

-I’m counting on it. I hate taking the easy way.

-That is pretty unusual. Ambitious much? – Nicky asked

-Extremely.

-Mackie, come with me, we need to discuss the details of your shifts. – Howard motioned me towards the table. – Nicky, a glass of champagne.

-Sure. Anything else for you, Mack?

-I’ll stick to water thanks.

I grabbed my glass and changed places, sitting a bit more away from the bar where anyone could hear us.

-Hello, Howard. It’s nice to finally be here on official matter without sneaking out.

- It makes a lot of things easier for us. However, since you are here I need to remind you of the rules.

-Ok. –I took a sip. I remembered them vividly, but decided to let Howard keep his dominance since he was practically running this place.

-First, no one should come to know we are family.  Second, no easy treatment, you train and serve just like everyone else and get a supervisor to watch your moves. Finally, even though I’m convinced you know that – you watch yourself. The stuff can be pretty intense and I don’t want you to get into any trouble. Is that understood?

-Yes.

- Perfect. Now, you are not the only new face here. We got some other girl, who’s already changing. She’s interesting, unusual. You will work together. – he turned around upon hearing some talking coming from behind – Will! Can you come here for a second? – he waved upon the black haired man dressed in a shirt and apron. He looked like a professional with his straight posture and light smile. I could bet he was the charming one with the guest.  – Will, this is Mackie. She is your new mentee. And Mackie, like I said Will is going to be your mentor. Giving your characters you can learn a lot from each other.

- Hi – I looked at the guy.

-Well hello, new girl. It is quite an accomplishment that you were admitted. You must be special.

-Flattery – I smirked, and he smiled back.

-She doesn’t want to be treated lightly Will, so bear that in mind – Howard chimed in.

-When are we ever? – the man shrugged.

-Fine than – my uncle stood up and fixed his jacket – I’ll leave you to it. Go fetch that other new girl….

-Tess – Will completed.

-Yes, Tess. Mackie, go change, get Tess and off to work you go.

***

-Hi there! – a dark haired girl, probably a couple years younger than me smiled at me as soon as I entered the staff changing room. Apparently my shirt and apron were already prepared and waiting for me – I’m Tess. I’m the new girl.

- One of two, it seems. I’m Mackie. I’m new too.

-Are you nervous? I am, a bit.

-A little, maybe. But also ready for what’s coming. – I reached inside the locker and grabbed a blue striped shirt and snow-white frock.

-You are so calm…. I wish I had that in me… I miraculously got this job and I need it to make a living and keep myself here.

- Are you here alone? I can tell you are not from New York.

- How do you know.

- You are different than a native new Yorker. In a good sense – I assured her when her face dropped – you seem more … open. Natural. Straight-forward. Not everyone would casually strike a conversation with the stranger.

-You are not a stranger. We are coworkers now, so I guess I want to be …. Friendly?

- It suits you – I smiled lightly – both the attitude and the outfit. Shall we go, now? Will is probably waiting for us downstairs.

-Yeah, yeah, let’s go. – she almost jumped to the door.

First meeting with Tess left me under impression that she was like a squirrel. Excited, energetic, optimistic. She wanted to prove herself. She was quick on her feet even though she did not exactly knew where it was leading her. Will was giving us a tour, showing the kitchen, introducing to the stuff, pointing towards the wine cellar and supply closet and Tess was just asking hundreds and hundreds of questions. Who? What? Why? Where? At some point she spotted one of the man silently sobbing in the corner and while I was rather focused on giving him his privacy she went straight at him.

-Are you ok? – Tess asked

-Of course I am. Why would I not be? – he immediately turned a bit aggressive and added some words in foreign language

- Hey, calm down, Russian boy – I stopped him as I understood some of it –from what I saw you don’t get much space for mental breakdown here so how about covering in the cellar, hmm? No one is there now.

- Mental breakdown – he scoffed – I’m perfectly fine as I am. And I am NOT hiding anywhere.

- Of course – I smirked – you are all good to go, right?

- Obviously – he scoffed again – silly question if I’m ok – he eyed Tess, who seemed hurt and confused and run towards his other duties.

- Why…?

- Not to smart off, but sometimes people just want to let whatever is in them out without causing a sensation. My guts are telling me that one needed it since he is probably the life of the party on every other day.

- How do you….? – she asked again but was hushed by Will, who came out of nowhere.

-Come on, girls, quit the chitchat, we have a meal to attend before the big night and if you skip it you will be on your feet all night with an empty stomach. Believe me, rumbling in a stomach is no good for reputation.  – Come on! – he urged us towards the room where all the stuff was already feasting. Tess stopped amazed with the atmosphere of the place. Everyone was talking, laughing and feeling at ease. Me? Not so much. I just observed the faces. I was much better on one-to-one contact than dealing with a whole group. And it was not my intention to interrupt any of them and become the center of attention. Not in a million years. Tess reached for the plate but before she could get some food Will shoved her towards the smaller table full of the salt-shakers.

- You sit there. You are on your cutlery duty. You too, Mackie – he whispered and I was quick to follow. A second later, Howard came through the door holding a bottle of wine.

- Hello everyone – he spoke and everyone went silent.

-Hello, Howard.

-Big night tonight. And therefore I decided to let you have some treat as an incentive – he put the bottle down and one of the girls was eager to uncork it – try it – he briefly looked at me almost like he was trying to give me an incentive – who will tell me what sort of wine is this. I was quick enough to grab a glass before anyone else. I studied wine during my courses so this was a chance to show a bit of what I learned. Even if I risked being called show-off.

- I can taste mint. And green bell pepper. – I mumbled

- Would you mind speaking up, Mystery? – the same man we saw sobbing earlier exclaimed.  

- Mystery? – I raised my eyebrows.

- Fits you well enough. Now, speak up!

- I think it’s Cabernet Sauvignon.

- It is indeed. Anything else you’d like to add? Or maybe someone else would elaborate? – Howard looked around

- Judging by the taste and hence the variation of the fruit it’s the French one. A bit sour, though, so probably year 2015 when the summer was particularly cold and the crops were slightly affected - some familiar voice spoke and I froze in place as I saw a certain blond-haired woman looking over at me above the shoulder of her coworker. Pretty sure, everyone saw me standing there like a deer in the headlights.

- Thank you, Simone – Howard smiled and forced me to sit down since I could not move by myself. A gentle push was just what I needed to get back to reality. – I did not open a 200 dollars bottle of champagne just to entertain you. You give it your best tonight. Good luck – and with those words he just left.

- Thank you, Howard! – he was chased by the stuff’s voices. 

- What just happened?  - Tess asked but before I could explain anything to her everyone stood up, making a lot of noise and started throwing dished into the bowl. We went from a peaceful atmosphere towards the crazy within a couple of seconds.

- Get it together, Mystery and new girl. You wash the dishes. Hurry. – Will appeared out of nowhere shoving us off.

- This nickname is gonna stick, right? – I asked gathering the dishes.

-Well, Sasha called it, so most probably – he shrugged.

- Great. – I blew a raspberry and followed him back to the kitchen.

***

It seemed like everything was on fire. Literally – the ingredients being prepared, everyone running around and shouting at each other preparing for the service…. Crazy, but I knew that from my past experience in the restaurant business so it was easier for me to deal with it. I just wished for a spare minute to talk to Simone, but she was out sight. Not sure if so busy or just avoiding me. But why would she avoid me? I kept those thought at bay and focused on the tasks. Tess however, acted like a typical overwhelmed newbie. Her eyes wide open, her hands trembling, hair and apron a mess.

-Tess – I looked at her to steady her – breathe, ok? Breathe. – she obediently took a breath.

- Everyone was new once – the one person I was looking for this whole time added as she grabbed Tess my her arms and fixed her hair and straps – you’ll get used to it, little one.   – Hello, Mackie.

- Hello, Simone.

- Wonderful surprise to see you here – she smiled sincerely, just like I remembered.

- Same.

- We have to catch up after service. A glass of wine at my place, perhaps? You seem to know a lot about the beverage.

- Again: same. I underwent some culinary training before applying here so hence the knowledge. But I heard you learned it first- hand. France?

- Indeed – she laughed – but we will talk later, ok? A lot of work to do.

-It is. You are in your element thought, aren’t you. Loving the action.

- Well, you haven’t changed a bit. And already get a nickname. Mystery really does suits you.

-Wait, you know each other? – Tess asked

- Yes, from a childhood. We spend quite some time together as kids. Before Mackie and her parents moved – Simone looked over my shoulder at someone who was just entering the kitchen – at what time does your shift start, darling?

- Those are suggested work hours and fuck off, Simone. – when I heard that voice I turned around on my heels and smiled lightly when he spotted me too. 

-  Hello, Jake.

@pinksirensong @meganmayhem89 @anastacia-lynn @wardlow

tag list is open!

next: sneak peak of chapter 2

[enchantcdstories]

The Suit Stays On.

Word Count: 2165 Summary: Out of all the things you wanted for your birthday, Marc is happy to oblige in even the most obscure.  Tags: It’s my birthday coming up (June 10th) so I’m using this as an excuse to get what I want, fade to black oral sex, female reader, Marc spector x reader, MINORS DNI, implied plus-sized reader, basically Marc going down on you and thats it, Marc growls a lot, its more cute than smutty I guess, morning after fluff Taglist: @later-gators12, @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

⁂

Sighing, you looked into the mirror for the 8th time in the span of 15 minutes. You can do this, you told yourself. It was just Marc. You’ve known Marc for a while now, you shouldn’t be this nervous. Why were you nervous? How many times had you made out with him, slept with him even? Why was your stomach doing flips and your heart pounding in your ears? You felt like you were first dating him all over again, the school girl esc crush making you blush into your reflection. It’s just Marc, you told yourself. 

“You alright in there? You’ve been…a while.” Marc’s voice made you jump, knocking your toothbrush into the sink with a clatter. You felt like you were a mess. Marc lightly knocked on the divider that separated the bathroom from the rest of Steven’s flat. 

“Yeah! I’m fine…just…uh, freshening up!” You said, eyes scanning around the bathroom sink. You debated reaching for the razor and shaving your legs once again, just in case. You could hear Marc take a step away from the door, the floorboards creaking under his weight. 

“You know, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can always do something else for your birthday, a movie or something?” His voice sounded hesitant, as if he was offering you a way out of your birthday request. You shook your head, more to yourself than him, since he couldn’t see you. 

“No, no. I asked for this. I’m not chickening out.” Marc was silent for a moment. 

“Is that some sort of Khonshu joke?” He asked genuinely, as if he didn’t quite pick up on if it was comedic or not. You looked towards the divider, eyes wide. 

“It was not, but please,” you rattled the divider once with your knuckle. “If he’s sticking around, I’m not doing this.” You looked back down to the toothbrush on the counter, picking it up and brushing your teeth quickly once more. Once you had finished, you took a deep breath and stared at yourself in the mirror. “Are you ready?” You called out, not hearing a reply but more of a swooshing noise and the sound of fabric billowing out. You could practically see the cape in your mind.

 You took that as a yes and slowly slid the divider back, revealing yourself to the rest of the flat. It wasn’t a new pair of lingerie by any means, it was just stuck at the bottom of your closet and Marc (or Steven or Jake) hadn’t seen it yet. Your face was flushed as you revealed your body to Marc, wincing as you felt his eyes roam over your body. You weren’t skinny by any means, nor were you curvy ‘in all the right places’ – you called yourself thick. Marc and the rest of the guys insisted they loved it and you, but you still felt too exposed in your current outfit. Marc, on the other hand, was standing there awkwardly– his Moon Knight suit on except for his hood and mask. This is what you asked for, you reminded yourself. 

“L-Look at you…” You stuttered out, taking an awkward first step out of the bathroom. You felt yourself blush as Marc’s eyes wandered your body, his tongue poking out of his mouth to moisten his bottom lip. His stupid suit had you in a choke hold, the way it made him look bulkier and strong. Marc’s face lit up with a small grin. 

“Look at me? Look at you. Holy shit, babe.” 

“I’m not the one in a super suit.” You scoffed, taking a few steps closer to him. You always felt like you didn’t deserve to be in the same room as him when he was in the suit. Like he was too good for you when he was like this. You almost felt ashamed you were with him at times (a thought you had told him once that was quickly shot down by him instantly).  Marc looked at you once more, biting his lip with a cocky grin. 

“All of the things you wanted for your birthday…this is what you want? I could have gotten you like…a tour of the great pyramids or something.” He asked, gesturing down to his costume. You grinned, stifling a giggle as you nodded. 

“You know I have a thing for Moon Knight. Big fan, really.” You smirked, earning a glare from Marc. You loved teasing him like this, it got great reactions out of him. You didn’t dare tease Steven like this, he was too soft and gentle for that sort of thing. Jake was another story. 

“Please don’t say it like that, it’s weird.” Marc groaned as you took a few steps toward him, placing both of your hands on his chest. You could feel the strange linen wraps covering some sort of armour underneath. Marc pulled his arms around your waist, pulling you just ever bit closer. His face gave it away that his eyes were roaming your body once more. “Shame this has to come off tonight…” 

You hummed, looking up at him. “But yours stays on right?” You asked innocently, wide eyes searching his face. Marc gave a sigh, letting his eyes sort of fade off looking into the distance. You called it his ‘tired dad sigh’. 

“Yes. That’s what you want.” He said, eyes flicking back to yours as he suddenly moves his hands lower to scoop you up. He gently walked a few steps and threw you to the bed, watching carefully as you landed softly in the pile of soft blankets. You expected this from Marc; he was always more wild in the bedroom, where Steven was gentle and caring and would honestly expect nothing in return. You hadn’t had the chance to get that familiar with Jake yet. 

Marc crawled his way across the bed, cape catching slightly as he got closer, pushing his lips onto yours. It caught you off guard, and you leaned up to fuel this new found neediness from him. You felt his body press up against your, almost grinding with his hips. 

“I’m glad we didn’t opt for the hood,” you said breathily between making out with him. “The glowing eyes kinda freak me out.”

Marc’s reply came out more of a growl than actual words, pulling back from you to start kissing down your jawline and working his way along your neck. Gingerly, almost agonisingly slow, Marc kissed a strip down your body, making his way to your stomach as you bucked your hips. His thumbs snaked into the sides of your underwear, pulling on them gently before forcefully tugging on them. The sound of fabric ripping made your head spring down to look at him, glaring. 

“I liked those!” You protested, wriggling a bit from his touch. Marc huffed, almost amused by your outcry. 

“I’ll buy you new ones, something to match me.” He started to place gentle kisses along your hip, as if that was going to distract you from the fact that he ruined a perfectly good set of lingerie. You tilted your head, still staring down at him, a look of confusion wiped across it. 

“What? Linen wraps?” You asked, genuinely curious. You knew it existed, but you weren’t sure if that was your type of thing. Marc nipped at your skin lightly, earning a squeak from you. 

“I meant something white, now shush or I’m not doing this.” He growled. You had to bite back another smile as you leaned back down on the bed, wiggling a bit to get comfier. 

“Sorry, sorry. Go on.” You gestured for him to keep going, still trying your hardest not to laugh. You wanted this, you weren’t going to ruin the moment. Marc continued to go lower, kissing his way from your outer thigh towards your inner thigh. Where you once bit back a fit of laughter you now worked hard to suppress a groan– gods, he was good. Sure, he didn’t really need the suit for what he was doing and about to do, but you couldn’t help your unusual request. 

Marc used his gloved hands, which gave more of a grip on your skin that you knew you were going to have to take advantage of again soon, to rub circles on your thighs. The fabric was scratchy but lightly tickled at your skin. You wriggled under his touch at the sensation. With another squeak from you, you were suddenly very aware of how good Marc was with his tongue on the most sensitive parts of your body. You gripped the sheets in a silent reply to his actions, your breath hitching as you squirmed under him. Marc glanced up, his hands now firmly on your hip bones and holding you against the bed a little tighter, looking at you with another glare. 

“Do I have to use Steven’s straps to hold you down?” His voice seemed to growl once again. You shook your head, not bothering to look down at him. You’d burst into laughter if you saw his face again, so it was best to just remain staring at the ceiling. 

“I’ll be good. I promise.” 

You could practically hear Marc smirk before feeling his grip on your hips release somewhat, your body jumping when you felt his tongue hit home once again. 

⁂

The bedroom was too bright the next morning, sunlight streaming in from the windows and aiming right at your face. Groaning, you shoved yourself further under the blankets, frowning to yourself as you squeezed your eyes shut. The sunlight still seemed too bright even then. You hardly remember the night before, though flashes of it faded in and out of your memory. You remember the suit, mainly. That stupidly wonderful suit. 

Stretching your arm over to the other side of the bed, you searched for Marc’s warmth, wanting nothing more than to block off the sun by snuggling into his side– only to find the bed empty. You pushed the blanket off your face, wincing at the light, eyes searching around the flat. A grin split your face as your eyes landed on Marc’s form, bustling around the kitchen in only a pair of boxers. You took it as a secondary birthday present. You were positive it was Marc – Steven would have worn a shirt. 

Marc glanced up to you as you sat up, the blankets ruffling under your touch. He grinned and turned to face you, your own eyes getting their chance to wander over his body. Yes, certainly a good birthday present. 

“Morning, birthday girl.” Marc said, walking towards you with a small plate and fork in his hands. A slice of cake– vanilla with sprinkles, your favourite– sat in his hand. A lit candle flickered as he walked. 

“Please,” you begged, “Don’t sing.” You squirmed to sit up a bit further on the bed, pulling the blanket to cover your chest. Marc grinned and sat down on the bed, holding the plate steady for you and nodding to the candle. 

“Go on, make a wish.” 

“What for?” I got what I wanted last night.” 

Marc shot you a look as you grinned. You leaned forward and gently blew out the candle, smoke rising as you slid your eyes shut for just a moment. You wished you could repeat last night. You opened your eyes and with your finger, swiped up a dollop of frosting and licked it off. Marc grinned, shooting you a wink. 

“Cake for breakfast?” You asked, though not complaining. 

“Steven’s idea. Speaking of,” he shifted so the plate was sitting on the bed, away from risk of being tipped over. “He wants to spend some time with you today, something about taking you to the museum or something. Got you a present too.” He nodded to a poorly wrapped present that sat in the corner. He meant well, you thought. 

“Do you know what it is?” You asked, watching as Marc turned to look at his reflection in the mirror off to the side before looking back at you and shaking his head. 

“Steven says I’m not allowed to say.” He shrugged, before covering his mouth with his hand and mouthing the words, ‘it’s a necklace’. You snickered, putting a finger to your lips and shushing him. You reached over and took another swipe of frosting. 

“Maybe next year I’ll ask the one and only Moon Knight to take me flying or something.” 

[j4gm]

TOGETHER AGAIN SPOILERS

A thread of lore, Easter eggs, episode connections, and background details from Adventure Time: Distant Lands: Together Again! Let me know if I missed anything! This is adapted from my original Twitter thread.

Keep reading ⬇️⬇️⬇️

1. I was expecting them to perhaps do a classic style title sequence for this episode, but I wasn't expecting them to straight up use the original title sequence. The only difference is this final screen saying "Distant Lands".

2. The background of the title cards is also the hill from the title sequence.

3. The ice cream having "50 flavours" and having an image of an enlightened soul is an obvious reference to the 50th Dead World as we see it later in the episode.

4. Continuing with the metaphor, the dirt in the ice cream could be a parallel to the fact that Jake's Nirvana actually wasn't perfect, because his inaction was allowing for injustice to perpetuate.

5. This whole scene feels immediately slightly off. Finn has his Scarlet sword and is out on a classic Ice King adventure, but he speaks in his grown voice and all the slang feels much more forced than it did in the real season one. Turns out this was deliberate.

6. The snow golem speaks with a baby voice like it did in the pilot episode, even though in canon it has a deeper voice. This further hints that something is not quite right.

7. The first major break in continuity is these snow golems resembling Uncle Gumbald and Peace Master, who Finn didn't meet until later in his life.

8. LSP sitting on Finn's head like this is reminiscent of Pen Ward's piece for the 2018 Ble crew zine.

9. Finn being given the choice of helping somebody but ending up helping everybody reminds me of "Memories of Boom Boom Mountain". It's the kind of resolution that wouldn't happen so much in the late seasons of the show, which helps make this scene feel even further out of place.

10. Jake is half frozen by Ice King in pretty much the exact same way as he was in "Prisoners of Love", and even has a very similar line.

11. The Snail is seen here. The crew have said that the Snail has been deliberately left out of previous Distant Lands specials, so its placement here is another very deliberate hint that this whole sequence is "trying too hard" to be like the early seasons.

12. The book "Mind Games" appears a couple of times, as seen in several previous episodes of Adventure Time. The first is as Finn is approaching the library in his dream. It also appears as one of the items in Finn's backpack later.

13. Jake is hurt when Finn fist bumps him with his metal arm, revealing that this scene is not real. This is also a callback to the title sequences of "Islands" and "Elements".

14. A whole bunch of familiar skeletons are seen in the bird's nest: Dirt Beer Guy, Abracadaniel, Me-Mow, Lemongrab, Mr. Pig, and the Snail again. This doesn't necessarily mean that all these characters are dead, since this scene is just a hallucination.

15. Old Man Finn! He's still got the chest tattoo of Jake, and this time we know that Jake is dead, so the theory that Jake died before "Obsidian" seems pretty likely. He looks similar to his old man design from "Puhoy", with the same facial hair.

16. There are several cameos of familiar characters who apparently died at the same time as Finn. The first is this duck, who previously appeared in "Ocarina".

17. The second is Donny, from the episode... uh, "Donny".

18. This goblin guy is an unnamed background character from “The Silent King”.

19. This old lady first appeared in "The Enchiridion", way back in season one. Old ladies are a species in the Land of Ooo, so I guess she wasn't actually very old back then, given she just about outlived Finn.

20. This is the cobbler who first appears in "His Hero". Amazing that he lived so long given all the trouble he got into in that episode.

21. Land of the Dead! This place was first seen in season two's "Death in Bloom", and now we are finally learning its actual purpose. It's a sort of gateway and hub to all of the other dead worlds.

22. There are some more minor cameos at the gates: a house person from "Donny", a soft person from "Gut Grinder", and a wood person from "When Wedding Bells Thaw". And, of course, the gate guardian himself from “Death in Bloom”.

23. Finn completely ignores the gate guardian in the same way he did in Death in Bloom. This also has the convenient effect of not having to reveal how Finn died, leaving it up to the audience's imagination.

24. Mr. Fox! We already knew he would die at some point because BMO had his skull in the finale.

25. Finn has his design from the first Distant Lands poster in this scene. Turns out it's young Finn in old Finn's clothes. But they gave him a shirt in the poster so you wouldn't be able to see the tattoo.

26. The clapping that Finn does while he's looking for Jake is a callback to "James Baxter the Horse", when Jake tells Finn to listen for that same rhythm if they are killed and need to find each other in the afterlife.

27. Mr. Fox talks about a "past life quotient", suggesting that there might be some kind of limit to how many times somebody can reincarnate. Finn's reincarnations are also seen in this scene; a callback to "The Vault", and confirmation that reincarnations share the same soul.

28. Boobafina, the goose who Mr. Fox was in love with in his debut episode “Storytelling”, apparently reincarnated into a tugboat. We've already seen that objects can have souls in the episode "Ghost Fly".

29. Finn is initially assigned to the 37th Dead World, which is the same one that Jake went to when he died in "Sons of Mars". We can only guess at what the other numbers on the ticket mean ;)

30. Tiffany! Despite several lucky escapes throughout his life, Tiffany has finally died. I like the use of this imagery to express Finn's conflicted feelings about him.

31. The 50th Dead World has long been established as the "highest" dead world, and the one synonymous with Heaven within Adventure Time's universe. It was first mentioned in "Ghost Princess" back in season three.

32. It's unclear what happens to souls which are destroyed within the dead worlds. It is a similar question to asking what happened to the ghosts that were killed in "Ghost Fly".

33. Death doesn't speak at all in Together Again because his voice actor, Miguel Ferrer, passed away in 2017 long before production began.

34. Finn phases through New Death when he tries to attack him, just like what happened way back in "Death in Bloom".

35. The 30th Dead World contains Tree Trunks as well as many of her love interests; Mr. Pig, her alien husband from "High Strangeness", Danny and Randy who first appeared in "Apple Wedding", and several more who we don't recognise, including at least one who presents as a woman.

36. Literally yelled when these two showed up. Joshua calls Finn a crybaby, which is a callback to "Dad's Dungeon".

37. The wall of weapons in Joshua and Margaret's house includes the iconic Demon Blood Sword, which was broken in "Play Date", as well as Margaret's auto-loading crossbow from "Joshua & Margaret Investigations".

38. Jermaine is sidelined a few times through the episode, in reference to his attitude in "Jermaine" where he feels that Finn and Jake were always their parents' favourites. I would have hoped things would be a bit better by now.

39. Fern gets name dropped while Finn and Jake are reuniting. A shame he doesn't actually show up in the episode.

40. In this scene, Finn says "What time is it?" This is a very subtle reference to the 2010 cartoon "Adventure Time".

41. In a couple of shots during this fight scene it looks like Jake might have a tattoo. It seems like it only becomes visible when he stretches out his arm.

42. New Death's amulet in this scene resembles parts of the Lich's cape, foreshadowing his influence on New Death.

43. There are several more cameos in the 50th Dead World: Booshy from "High Strangeness", one of the Marshmallow Kids from "Scamps", and Ghost Princess and Clarence, who were seen ascending to the 50th Dead World in "Ghost Princess".

44. Finn didn't interact with Booshy in "High Strangeness", but it seems they must have met at some point before they both died because Finn knows his name.

45. It seems like people in the 1st Dead World are slowly melted away until they become part of the landscape. Nasty.

46. Lots more cameos in this scene: a gnome from "Power Animal", a gnome from "The Enchiridion", a Bath Boy from "The Vault", Blagertha from "Love Games", Maja the Sky Witch, a troll from "Dungeon", Chocoberry, Choose Goose, Wyatt, a spiky person from "Gut Grinder", and possibly more.

47. Tiffany's insults are consistently nonsensical and amazing, as they were in the original series.

48. The Candy Kingdom looks extremely different. Peppermint Butler is wearing the crown so he might be in charge now, which is supported by the kingdom's very magical-looking augmentations. It’s not clear whether Finn and Jake were expecting to find Princess Bubblegum or Peppermint Butler, since both have the initials “PB” and both could be going by the title of “Princess”. Perhaps Peps and Bubblegum share the princess duties now that PB is living with Marceline more of the time.

49. Peppermint Butler has a "Boss" mug, although it's not the same colour as the one from "Obsidian".

50. Jake's ghost has the same design as he did when BMO killed him in "Ghost Fly". I also absolutely love Finn's ghost. This scene establishes that ghosts are just visitors to the mortal plane from the dead worlds.

51. Life has only appeared in animated shorts before now. Namely, "The Gift That Reaps Giving" which establishes her relationship with Death, and "Frog Seasons: Winter". This episode gives her a concrete place within Adventure Time's pantheon: she is in charge of reincarnation.

52. A translation of Life’s angry French dialogue by Shado: “After all I did for that boy. After all I did for him. No, it's not possible. It's not possible no, that... that makes me so mad but it's not possible.”

53. We finally have in-universe confirmation that Shoko's tiger is a previous life of Jake. This was previously confirmed by one of the writers, but wasn't canon until now.

54. I feel like Finn pulled off Shoko's look even better than Shoko did. I wonder whether Finn has gained the memories of his past lives now that he’s dead.

55. No Easter egg here, just want to appreciate this image.

56. There is an elemental symbol on the wall here, as seen in "Jelly Beans Have Power".

57. Tiffany's dramatic internal monologue is a recurring gag, as is his habit of nearly dying from falling into holes.

58. The Jake suit makes a cameo in the fight against New Death. It was last seen in the episode "Reboot”.

59. Finn's backpack contains a few familiar items: the t-shirt with the pocket from "It Came from the Nightosphere", Finn's underwear from "Little Dude" and other episodes, and a copy of Mind Games as I've already mentioned.

60. The Lich's Hand is present in the background of Death's... death scene. This is probably the unseen "friend" who New Death keeps talking about.

61. The Lich's menacing monologues often begin with a single command. Previously they have included "Fall" and "Stop". This time, the command is "Burn".

62. Jake uses the word "boingloings", which is a callback all the way to "Hitman" in the third season.

63. Jake's blue shape-shifter form from "Abstract" appears very briefly during his fight with Finn.

64. Finn's lumpy space person form also makes an appearance. This design was last seen all the way back in the second episode of the entire show, "Trouble in Lumpy Space".

65. Jake steps on the Lich's hand in a very similar way to how he stepped on Ash in "Memory of a Memory", which is itself a Monty Python reference.

66. The credits include a dedication to a few AT cast and crew who have passed away. Polly Lou Livingston was the voice of Tree Trunks. Miguel Ferrer was the voice of Death. Michel Lyman and Maureen Mlynarczyk were both sheet timers on the original series. Rest in peace.

67. The message that Finn and Jake write out on the ouija board is "BUTT", which Peppermint Butler takes as a distress signal. This message is also used as a distress signal by the Hot Dog Knights in "The Limit".

68. Peppermint Butler's reversed dialogue from the scene where he makes contact with Finn and Jake is "Kee-Oth Rama Pancake", the spell from “Dad's Dungeon” for banishing demons.

69. That appears to be President Porpoise with all of Tree Trunks’ other lovers.

70. In this scene, Life is humming part of "Lonely Bones", the song which Death tried to record for her in her debut short "The Gift That Reaps Giving". It's hard to notice because it's so brief.

71. Finn and Jake's cover is blown while in the Land of the Dead because Jake loudly farts, which also happened in "Death in Bloom".

72. The place where Mr. Fox explains the perception mechanics of the afterlife is the exact same location as the River of Forgetfulness from "Death in Bloom", which, as it turns out, was imaginary.

These are sort of out of order at the end because I was adding stuff to the Twitter thread as it got discovered. That’s all for now!

[snothing]

Request: Drabble in which Jake looks through some old stuff and finds a rather odd yet captivating item: a red tunic with a green scaly leotard, a black-yellow on its right side, a black domino mask, green gloves and finally green pixie boots. he decides to try the suit on

I want to apologize for how long this took! I’ve been so busy with school, and I made this way longer and convoluted than necessary. It’s definitely not a drabble anymore, and I added a lot of sibling banter, lol, I can’t resist. This was so much fun to make, I had so many ideas. Thank you so much for being patient, and I hope you enjoy! 

I decided to deviate from my universe, while keeping some old things. Mar’i and Jake are still twins, and Mar’i can turn invisible.

"Go away, Jaki! This is my hiding spot!" Mar'i whispered-hissed at her brother. She glared at him through a jungle of coats and umbrellas in the armoire, her mouth in a tight frown.

"Oh, come on, Mar'i!" Jake cried. With a flair for the dramatic, he threw his hands up in the air. Of course, his annoying sister would take his favorite, top-secret hiding spot!

"Shhh!" she snapped, finger to her lips. Pink eyes flashed brightly at him. "Would you be quiet? Do you want Dad to find us?"

He pursed his lips and looked down the hall. Pretty soon, his dad would be done counting and be searching for them. Still, a great wrong had been committed in the eyes of Jake. "You took my hiding spot! Get out!" he seethed, just a decibel lower.

"Nuh-uh, it's not your hiding spot!" Mar'i shot back. "You don't own it!"

Jake smirked cockily and pointed a finger past her. "Uh, yeah, Mar'i, I do." 

A deep, unamused frown settled on Mar'i's face as she noticed— in bright cerulean blue crayon— the word "Jake" hastily scribbled on the panel. "That means nothing! You don't own everything you put your name on."

He silently raged. "How am I not surprised a heathen like you-"

"-Heathen?! I watched you squirt an entire can of Easy Cheese in your mouth!"

"That was a long time ago. I’m a different man now."

"It was last week!"

"As I said, a long time ago," he retorted drolly. "Anyway, as I was saying— only heathens don't respect the sacred rules of hide-and-seek!"

"You're so ridiculous," she sighed, exhausted. "You act like I broke the law."

"Well, you might as well have. I'm hurt, Mar'i, really I am. I never thought you'd betray me like this. My own flesh and blood— my wombmate--"

"Ew, don't call me that!"

He clasped his hands together. "I think the only way to solve this and mend our broken relationship is for you to leave and find a new hiding spot."

Mar'i stared blankly at him. Jake was her favorite person in the entire universe, but there were times where she wanted to slap him. "I'm not leaving, Jaki."

"By the love of X'hal, you can turn invisible!" he argued.

"So? Dad's using heat-sensing goggles this time."

"Mar'i!"

"Hey, babe," their father's voice filtered in from downstairs. They stilled, eyes wide and locked on each other. 

"Hello, my love. Are you looking for something?" they heard their mother ask him. 

"Oh you know, just for two half-human, half-alien eight-year-olds? Have you seen them? They're like yay-high, black hair with orange skin? Got glowing green eyes?"

"Oh," Kory chuckled. "I think I know the two. Say, are they dangerous?"

"Very. The little rascals will eat all your cereal and blame it on an innocent larva."

"My, they sound like quite the dastardly duo," she mused. "I believe I saw them go upstairs. Please, proceed with caution."

Dick let out a laugh. "Don't worry, babe. I think I'm well-equipped to handle them; Batman raised me after all."

Mar'i snapped back her attention to Jake, panicked. "Go away, Jaki!" she nearly growled. 

"But-" he tried to argue, but her hand shot out and closed the armoire door, effectively ending their discussion. 

Frantic, Jake looked around for a new hiding spot. Under his bed? No, there was a monster. Behind the house plants? Nope, too obvious. In the air vent? Nah, he'd get stuck again. Finally, his eyes found the inconspicuous attic door. 

He was like 90% sure it was haunted. Uncle Jay showed him and Mar'i a horror movie once, and he learned that attics were prime real estate for ghosts and couldn't be trusted. 

But...

It would probably be a great hiding spot. His dad wouldn't expect it. 

The creaking of the stairs interrupted his thoughts and effectively ended his inner turmoil. He dashed to the attic door and braved the darkroom. 

"Oh wow," he said, looking around. The room was cramped, littered with boxes and other knickknacks. Moonlight filtered in through the port window. "Okay, ghosts, listen. I don't mean to trespass or anything. I just need a place to hide from my dad, alright? So no possessing me, okay? I'll only be here for a couple of minutes."

Slowly, he made his way through the clutter, hoping to find a nice nook to squeeze in. A thick layer of dust coated everything in the room, and it was not long before he started hacking. It was then that his left foot hit a meddlesome snag in the carpet, causing him to plummet down on a pile of boxes. 

He let out a rather undignified squeak when his knee slammed into the ground. A flurry of Tamaranean curse words left his mouth; thank heavens, his mom was not around to hear him. "Stupid ghosts!" Jake spat. The crash was loud. His dad knew where he was now. "And stupid Mar'i for making me hide in this stupid, haunted attic!"

He went to glare at the confounding boxes, but he halted when he saw something interesting. His ire vanished, his head cocked slightly. He pulled himself up from the ground and went to analyze the contents of the fallen box closer, his hand alit with a low-energy starbolt.

Inside the unsuspecting box was a brightly colored uniform. Jake's eyes widened the size of saucers. Could this be? There was no way. But sure enough, he found the iconic scaly leotard and black domino mask. Yep, this was his father's old Robin uniform. 

He stared at the red tunic with the utmost reverence; his thumb traced the R. Jake was so absorbed in the costume he failed to notice his sister hovering over him. 

"Whatcha got there, Jaki?" she asked curiously, face inches from his.

He let out a squeal and jumped several feet in the air. He snarled, eyes ablaze in a blue fury. "Mar'i! Don't do that!"

She snickered, an eyebrow raised. "It's not my fault you're not observant."

"I was in stealth mode," he said defensively. He crossed his arms. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be hiding in my hiding spot?"

She shrugged. "Dad found me pretty quick, so I decided to come to bother you."

Jake was surprised. "Wait, do you mean he didn't hear me fall?"

"Nah, I told him you were being a cheater and hiding outside. Thankfully, you decided to be a klutz after he left," she informed him. She frowned when she noticed the betrayed look on his face. "What? I thought you'd be happy I saved you!"

"I think it's funny you pick and choose when to be a loyal sister."

She smiled. "Gotta keep you on your toes, Jaki. Now, what's that?"

Jake followed her pointed look at the costume. He showed her excitedly. "I think it's Dad's old Robin costume!"

Green eyes rounded. "What? No way!"

"Yes, way!" he dazzled. "Look at the insignia!"

"Whoa," she breathed. She fingered the black-yellow cape gingerly. Her head snapped up. "Come on, put it on!"

"W-what?" He gave her a bemused look. 

"I know you want to," she said wryly. She held up the tunic and pushed it towards her brother. "I bet you'd look just like dad."

"Yeah, but..." he trailed off. Honestly, he did not need much convincing. Jake had seen pictures of his dad in his early crimefighting days, but a thought stopped him. "I don't know, Mar'i..."

"Why not?"

"Well, Damian's Robin."

"And?"

"And I don't want to-- I don't know. I guess I don't want to send the wrong message," Jake answered. He sighed somberly. "Besides, it's not like I could ever be Robin anyway. I'm weird."

"What the heck?" Mar'i spluttered. "You think you can't be Robin because you have powers?"

"Robins don't have powers, Mar'i," he said, dejected. "They don't fly or shoot starbolts."

She snorted. She scooted closer to her twin, looking at him intently. "And? Anyone with a brave heart can be Robin, and as I can see, you have one."

"But-"

"No buts, Jaki," she cut him off. Mar'i was not going to allow her brother to put himself down. "I like you just the way you are. I think shooting starbolts and flying is super neat!"

"You're biased," he chuckled. Mar'i's words instantly made him feel better, though. 

Her mouth blossomed into a silly grin. "Well, yeah, duh. I know if I'm awesome, you have to be. Now, put it on!"

"Okay, but turn around. I need privacy!"

"Yay!" she piped before spinning around. Her arms and legs tingled with excitement.  

"Okay, I think I'm ready now," he told her, a bit apprehensive.

Mar'i whipped around, nearly knocking Jake down in the process. She almost burst out in awe when she saw him there, proudly donning their father's uniform. "Wow, Jaki! It looks so good on you!"

He flushed. His eyes, now concealed by a domino mask, peeked down at his body. It had been a bit awkward in some places; Jake did not care for his legs being so exposed, but otherwise, it fit like a glove. "Really?" he asked, swooshing his cape back and forth.

Her head bobbed up and down. "You look just like Dad when he was young!"

"What do you mean by that, Mar'i? I'm still young!" 

Jake and Mar'i were startled by the voice. They spun around in the direction of the attic door and spotted their dad: the first-ever Boy Wonder and best pancake-maker-this-side-of-the-galaxy-- Dick Grayson. 

"Dad!" the siblings exclaimed in perfect unison. 

Dick chuckled. "And what are you two glowsticks doing in the attic? I thought we were playing hide and-"

He stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Jake. His eyes widened as they absorbed, his mouth agape.

Jake panicked, and shame surged through him. "I'm sorry, Dad!" he said hastily. "I-I was just hiding upstairs a-and I fell a-and I found your old costume!"

"Jake-"

"A-and I knew I shouldn't have, b-but Mar'i said I should-"

Jake paused when he felt his father's hand on his shoulders. He looked up and met his father's loving gaze. "Jake, calm down," Dick comforted. "It's okay."

Jake swallowed. "You're not mad?"

"No, of course not, son," he responded, genuine. 

"Doesn't he look cool, Dad?" Mar'i piped up, a goofy grin on her face. 

Dick smiled tenderly and moved his hand to caress Jake's face. He could not have predicted what seeing his son wear his old Robin uniform would do to him. His heart soared with love and pride. 

"Yes, Mar'i, he looks pretty cool," he agreed. 

Jake beamed and matched his sister's goofy grin. He thought his dad would be mad at him, but thankfully, he was the furthest from mad. 

"But don't think this means you can go out crimefighting," Dick added quickly.

"Aww, Dad!" Jake whined.

Dick wagged his finger at him. "Don't 'aww, Dad' me! You may have the look, but you're not old enough."

Jake pouted. "I'm not a baby anymore, Dad!"

"Aww, but you're still my baby.” He gave Jake a quick kiss to the temple. “Now, come on, you two. Mom made dinner, and I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she sees you."

"Did she burn the food again?" Mar'i grimaced. She loved her mother dearly, but she was not the most adept in the kitchen.

"Yeah, I don't know if I can eat burnt lasagna again, Dad."

"Now, now, glowsticks. Mom spent all day working on this meal!" Dick assured them. He escorted them out of the attic. "It's a dish from Tamaran. I'm sure it'll be wonderful."

Mar'i whispered to her brother, "I like when Mom cooks. We always get McDonald's afterward."

"Or food poisoning."

[bonniebird]

Halloween Event

Read early on Wattpad

Read early on AO3

“Great! The blood-sucking Brady Bunch!” - Jacob Black

“Do you have any other emergency werewolf contacts?” - Stiles Stilinski

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” - Jace Wayland

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open -minded.” - Tate Langdon

@joeynihil​ and Peter Rumancek’s Halloween ~ Moodboard

“You don’t know much about magic.” - Nick Scratch

“When you turn to a bat, where do your clothes go?” - Spike

“And now it’s time to send in our cute little secret weapon.” - Ivar Ragnarsson

Halloween with Eric Coulter {Moodboard}

“She used to tell me that a full moon was when mysterious things happen and wishes come true.” - Ivar Ragnarsson  

“What an excellent day for an exorcism.”-  Peter Hale

“Blah blah, vampire emergency, blah” - Rebekah Mikaelson & Theo Raeken

“You are too precious for words, why I could just… eat you alive!”  - Hvitserk Ragnarsson

“So is the devil, Halloween Santa?” - Lucifer Morningstar

“I’ve got the devil in me!” - Lucifer Morningstar 

“I always wonder if it’s better to bury two bodies in one place or spread them around. I’m sure there’s a right answer, but I never want to meet the person who knows it.“ - Maze / Lucifer Morningstar

“What is this guy, Witch-ipedia?” - John Constantine 

“You only have one super power, and it is your breasts.” - Elijah Mikaelson 

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” - Eric Northman 

“Stop calling it a haunted house. It’s not even scary.“ - Seeley Booth

“I know you’re joking, but on the off chance you aren’t, no.” - Victor Zsasz 

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” - Eric Coulter

“Those guys at the impound. Did they really smash my car?” - Dean Winchester

“I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.” - Eric Coulter

Halloween with Theo Raeken moodboard - Theo Raeken

“You can’t commit crime on Halloween!” - Barbara Kean

“I do believe in killing the messenger. Know why? Because it sends a message.” - Mick Rory

“It’s so sweet. He looks just like a little entrée.” - Ripper!Stefan Salvatore 

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.” - Harley Quinn

“If this is a joke, I’ll kill you!” - Eric Coulter

“So, what can a teen wolf do?” - Cora Hale

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” - Aziraphale {Good Omens}

“The witches are coming.” - Bonnie Bennett

“I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.” - Nick Scratch

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.”  - Madison Montgomery

“I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.”  - Eric Coulter

“Aren’t you worried that, one day, all the forest animals are gonna band together and fight back?” - Jacob Black 

“Bitch, I will eat you!” - Spike {BtVS}

“You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. I’m sorry about tonight.”  - Leonard Snart

“You really are a witch.” - Jace Wayland

“I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.” - Jace Wayland

“I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.” - Klaus Mikaelson 

“Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires … How avant-garde!” - Klaus Mikaelson

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - Stefan Salvatore 

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - John Constantine 

“Are you ready for some Halloween fun?“ - Eric Coulter

“She annoyed me, so I killed her and buried her in the yard.” - Eric Coulter 

“I’m supposed to call you first when I find a dead body?”  - Peter Hale 

“Can someone kill him again, please?”  - Kol Mikaelson

“I’ll be a good little witch.” - Theo Raeken

“I just think a lot of undead roaming the streets could lead to problems. For instance, farmers’ markets selling actual farmers.” - Theo Raeken 

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - Theo Raeken

“There’s a monster outside my room. Can I have a glass of water?” - Jasper Hale

“I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.” - Eric Coulter

“You really are a witch.”  - Geralt of Rivia

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.”  - Eric Northman

“If this is a joke, I’ll kill you!”  - Barbara Kean

"This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.” - Rosa Diaz

“Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.”  - John Constantine

“Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today.” - Klaus Mikaelson

“I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ.“ - Gina Linetti

“You’re horrific and you are hired.“  - Jerome Valeska

“I am commanding. Calmly, but commanding. No more witchcraft.”  - Maze Smith

“I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.”  - Eric Coulter 

“Have you picked out a costume yet?“ - Maze Smith

“Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.”  - Harvey Bullock

“I’m just sitting here. Feeling like the devil.” - Damon Salvatore

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - Eric Northman

“No, you weren’t part of this. Get back over to the loser side, loser.” - Winn Schott

“I need help carving these pumpkins.” - Temperance Brennan

“I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.” - Anakin Skywalker

“This is ridiculous! What could be scarier than one of us?” - John Shelby 

“There’s no such thing!” - Elizabeth Swann

“I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.” - Gina Linetti

“Bitch, I will eat you!” - Victor Zsasz

“Okay, all right, now. Come on, no one died, alright? Look, there may have been some maiming, okay? A little mangling, but no death! That’s what I call an important distinction.” - Zelda Spellman

“She annoyed me, so I killed her and buried her in the yard.”  - Barbara Kean

“Yeah, well, you being happy isn’t really a big priority of mine, since you stabbed me twenty times with knives.” - Victor Zsasz

“It’s kind of ironic. The more care you put into a murder, the harsher society judges you.” - Jerome Valeska

“No, it’s not! That’s just something mortals say to make themselves feel better.” - Lilith / Madam Satan

“Welcome to my nightmare, I think you’re going to like it.” - Jerome Valeska

“Stop calling it a haunted house. It’s not even scary.” - Ava Sharpe

“I died in a trapeze accident?” - Jake Peralta

“Okay, all right, now. Come on, no one died, alright? Look, there may have been some maiming, okay? A little mangling, but no death! That’s what I call an important distinction.” - Lucien Castle

“It’s Halloweek. I do the full seven days.” - Rosa Diaz 

“If this is a joke, I’ll kill you!” - Jason Todd

“Vampires are real. They’re usually not the cape-wearing, "mwah-hah-hah-ing” types, but rather people with ordinary jobs who just happen to consume blood.“- Jasper Hale

“We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.” - Eric Coulter

“I always wonder if it’s better to bury two bodies in one place or spread them around. I’m sure there’s a right answer, but I never want to meet the person who knows it.“ - Elijah Mikaelson

Roman Godfrey Halloween ~ moodboard

@joeynihil​​ and Sabrina Spellman Halloween ~ Moodboard

“Do you have any other emergency werewolf contacts?”- Derek Hale 

“I need help carving these pumpkins.”- Derek Hale

“Those guys at the impound. Did they really smash my car?” - Dean Winchester

“We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.” - Rebekah Mikaelson & Theo Raeken

“I see something in your future. Something… frightening.“ - Bonnie Bennett

“There’s a monster outside my room. Can I have a glass of water?”

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” - Ripper!Stefan Salvatore

“No, it’s not! That’s just something mortals say to make themselves feel better.” - Jace Wayland

“This is ridiculous! What could be scarier than one of us?” - The Mikaelson Family

“If I have to hear doppelgänger one more time, I’m going to have to learn how to spell it.” - Elijah Mikaelson

“In this whole wide wicked world the only thing you have to be afraid of is me.” - Kol Mikaelson

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” - Gina Linetti

“You only have one super power, and it is your breasts.” - Rosa Diaz

"I have never met a vampire personally, but I don’t know what might happen tomorrow.” - Theo Raeken

“You seem to be doing so well without witchcraft.” - Nick Scratch

“I always wonder if it’s better to bury two bodies in one place or spread them around. I’m sure there’s a right answer, but I never want to meet the person who knows it.“ - Halfdan the Black

“You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. I’m sorry about tonight.” - Lydia Martin

“They’re embarrassed about their spells not working anymore.” - Malia Tate

“Blah blah, vampire emergency, blah” - Bella Swan

“Do you have any other emergency werewolf contacts?” - Peter Rumancek

“Can someone kill him again, please?” - Peter Hale

“I have a heart. I keep it in a jar on my desk.” - Katherine Pierce

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - John Constantine

"It’s the witching hour somewhere.” - Jughead Jones

“People think if they put on a costume they can just get away with anything they want. Halloween is Christmas for jerks.” - Ray Palmer

“Please tell me you did that for dramatic effect.” - Jacob Black

“Can someone kill him again, please?” - Emmett Cullen

“I must go in. The fog is rising.” - Arman the Dragon

“I knew something came through the portal.” - Ivar Ragnarsson

“Well, we can’t start killing people. We’re getting life back to normal. And killing people isn’t normal, sweetheart.“ - Nora Darhk

“Are you eating raw pumpkin with a spoon?”  - Sweet Pea

“You know what they say about (Town). No one who dies here ever really dies.”  - Jughead Jones

"I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood." - Sweet Pea

“I'll come to the party, but I'm not dressing up.”  - Sweet Pea

“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.”  - Sweet Pea

“Hand over the candy, old dude, or we egg your house.”  - Sweet Pea & Jughead Jones

“Time for the real Halloween show to begin.”  - Sweet Pea

“Should I be concerned about you causing me any trouble?“ - Sweet Pea

“Danger doesn’t lurk at every corner. It’s just hanging out, waiting for fear and horror to show up.”  - Jughead Jones

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”  - Sweet Pea

“Time for the real Halloween show to begin.” - Dorcas Night

“She used to tell me that a full moon was when mysterious things happen and wishes come true.” - Dorcas Night

“Who hired you? Who do you work for, the pizza man?” - Damon Salvatore

Halloween with Jughead Jones {Moodboard}

“Are you possessed? Again?” - Stiles Stilinski

“Does my costume look spooky to you?” - Sweet Pea

“I need help carving these pumpkins.“ - Tommy Shelby

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - Theo Raeken and Rebekah Mikaelson

Halloween with Vanessa Ives {Moodboard}

Halloween with Samantha Stephens  {Moodboard}

Halloween with Toni Topaz {Moodboard}

Halloween with Sweet Pea {Moodboard}

Halloween with Cheryl Blossom {Moodboard}

Halloween with Betty Cooper {Moodboard}

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.” - Seely Booth

“Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires … How avant-garde!” - Eric Northman

“I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.” - Amaya Jiwe

“You seem to be doing so well without witchcraft.” Clary Fray & Allison Argent

“First rule of witch club: don’t talk about witch club.” - Madam Satan / Lilith

“Who hired you? Who do you work for, the pizza man?” - Zari Tomaz

“She used to tell me that a full moon was when mysterious things happen and wishes come true.” - Peter Rumancek

“Happy Halloween, asshole!“ - Rosa Diaz

“Hello, something scary happening!“ - Kyle Reese

“We sent (Y/N) to the Ghost World to save the day again.” - Allison Argent

“If she realizes that we’re killing people for food and not for God, she might not like us anymore.” - Vampire!Ivar Ragnarsson & Roman Godfrey

“We can have our own Halloween here.” - Roman Godfrey

“You are too precious for words, why I could just… eat you alive!” - Ivar Ragnarsson

“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” - Sweet Pea

“How was I to know? It was just floating by.“ - Sweet Pea

“It’s Halloween! Everyone gets a chance to be someone else, let their hair down for awhile.” - Sweet Pea

“You only have one super power, and it is your breasts.” - Elena Gilbert

“Yeah, well, you being happy isn’t really a big priority of mine, since you stabbed me twenty times with knives.” - Sweet Pea

Halloween with Marko {Moodboard}

“I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.” - Sweet Pea

“I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.” - David (The Lost Boys)

“I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.” - David (The Lost Boys)

“I’m supposed to call you first when I find a dead body?” - Sweet Pea

“Aren’t you worried that, one day, all the forest animals are gonna band together and fight back?” - Sam Emerson

“Good. No fangs yet. You’re doing fine. Your ears aren’t even pointed yet.” - Scott McCall

“You are too precious for words, why I could just… eat you alive!” - David (The Lost Boys)

“Yeah, well, you being happy isn’t really a big priority of mine, since you stabbed me twenty times with knives.” - Brett Talbot

“Are you possessed? Again?” - Peter Hale

“We don’t like you. Now, shut up and help us.” - Eric Northman

“What is this guy, Witch-ipedia?” - Eric Northman

“Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.” - Nick Scratch

“Vampires are real. They’re usually not the cape-wearing, "mwah-hah-hah-ing” types, but rather people with ordinary jobs who just happen to consume blood.“ - Dorcas Night

"This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.” - Tommy Shelby

“Hasn't anyone told you, second hand smoke kills.“ - Prudence Blackwood

“I know you’re joking, but on the off chance you aren’t, no.”  - Klaus Mikaelson

“We sent (Y/N) to the Ghost World to save the day again.” - Theo Raeken & Rebekah Mikaelson

“Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it can't have a decapitation or two.” - Klaus Mikaelson

“You seem to be doing so well without witchcraft.” - Allison Argent & Nick Scratch

“You are too precious for words, why I could just… eat you alive!” - Damon Salvatore

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19

Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.

Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that.  (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)

Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.

Okay, going in completely blind.  I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?

Yep.  Okay, what is this about exactly?

(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)

> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?

CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.

Which one???

Wait

JANE: (Where is he?) JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)

Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row???  So we might see her right away??  No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.

(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before?  Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)

So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave.  --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?

> (==>)

JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?) JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?) JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...) JANE: (The...) JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)

What?  Is she reading a childrens’ book?  --Oh.  She’s eulogizing Gamzee.  So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person.  (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)

> (==>)

Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.

That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point.  Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup???  --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side.  That would make sense.  You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.

JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.) JANE: (What else?) JANE: (Hrm...) JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)

Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much?  Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again?  Or did you just cry yourself out about him?

JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--

...There, killed the entry for it.  ...Huh.  Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:

Caliborn Eridan Kanaya Matriorb Meenah Tavros alchemiter dichotomic nephilim reblogged uncaptchalogues uncaptchaloguing

That’s fun.

Okay back to reading. Millennia.  Phew!  Where was I.

JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.) JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.) JANE: (And I can't risk that.)

So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.

JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?) JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?) JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)

WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!

JAKE: Ahoy over there!

Not the best time.

(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here?  Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being. JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.

(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense?  And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)

> (==>)

Butte

Janepalme

> (==>)

JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?

Gah.  I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them.  That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.

JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.

Hah!

--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way.  You asshole.

JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture. DIRK: Jesus christ. JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence. JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead? JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?

I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.

JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts. JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless. JAKE: Im not sure i understand. JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. JANE: This is politics, Jakey. JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get. JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.

Mm.  It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.

JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.

Got it.

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

Wait, bowl?

Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL.  Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.

> (==>)

Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something.  And a black tail?  This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe.  Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress.  Formal wear and soccer cleats??

JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.  I don’t see anything over her mouth!  Did she stick something in it, or drug her?  File her fucking teeth???

I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair.  Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.

> (==>)

JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry. JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha. JAKE: ... JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese? JAKE: ... JAKE: Well, JAKE: Bon appetit.

How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then?  --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember.  Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade?  I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.

Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...

> (==>)

DIRK: Bon appetit. DIRK: Seriously dude? JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?) DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???) JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)

Ah, missed the bone pun.  AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.

JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.) JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)

Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.

> (==>)

Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?

Or anger-inducing?

> (==>)

Seems about right!

> (==>)

Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.

JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.

I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl.  How can you hate a kid so much??

> (==>)

Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK.  Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like.  Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts?  Nice change of pace.

YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR... JANE: Oh no you don't.

Red text?  What color exactly... “#D00009”?  Huh.  That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707.  In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago...  no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color.  (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out?  That’s a pretty slack chain then.)

Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?

(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)

> (==>)

FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image!  FUCK YOU, Jane.

> (==>)

Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power.  Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.

> (==>)

FUCK, those little buck teeth!?  D’:

JANE: That's more like it.

She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right?  Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?

> (==>)

Hey fuck off with that!

> (==>)

This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear?  I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over. JANE: Do I make myself understood?

What the fuck?  WHY would you do that?  Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”?  What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?

I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.

> (==>)

JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?

Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh?  Classy much?

> (==>)

JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear. JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.

For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.

> (==>)

JANE: Night night. JANE: Hoo hoo.

> (Yiffy: Lights out.)

Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*

Okay, dark background all of a sudden.  Properly dramatic?  You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.

> (==>)

-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --

Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative.  Of like, a mood, or something.

TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there. TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet! AG: Lol. AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep. AG: I know how he feels. TG: yeah. TG: today was a lot. AG: ... TG: do you wanna talk about it? AG: Ugh, not you as well.

It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?

> (==>)

Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.

GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,, GG: Not even for a slumber party,,, AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.

Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now.  From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring.  I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?

> (==>)

TG: nothing about my dad is cute. TG: what are you even saying. AG: Lmao. TG: seriously! TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it. AG: He's a strange and funny m8n. TG: yeah. TG: ... TG: i think something bad must have happened.

...um.  What?  Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?

Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again???  Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping.  I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though.  Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads.  (But still June.  Definitely still want to get June.)

> (==>)

Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course.  (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)

AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it! AG: That made me madder than 8nything else. AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad! GG: I dont think thats true,,, AG: What would you know a8out it?! GG: Maybe nothing,,, GG: Sorry,,, GG: Its just,,, GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,, AG: ... AG: Adults are so fucking weird.

Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.

Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty?  We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence.  (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)

> (==>)

TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms. TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.

[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit.  And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.

TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see. TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on. TG: almost like she couldn't bear to. AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone. TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever. TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.

Yep, giving them some space to grieve.  Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her?  Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion.  Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.

AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TG: vrissy?

Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?

Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:

glutinousGymnast [GG]

HHHHHhhhhuh.  Hm... huh? hhhh.  huh?  what, but.  Why would.  ?????

I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.

Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.

> (==>)

GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,, GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,, TG: hehe. TG: i guess that tracks. TG: she does that from time to time.

That’s... strange.  Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.

TG: ... TG: tav? GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,? TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?

Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?)  Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave?  Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe?  Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?

...alright, that’s the last page of this update.  Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.

---

Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed.  For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it?  Or skimming it?  But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that.  Weird.  Must have imagined doing it.

Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.

Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here.  About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.

We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.

Really?  That was speculated about?  :/

Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.

Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.

A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything. 

This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side.  To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls TEREZI: WH4T? ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise ROXY: some of it is like ROXY: weird and violent?? ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.

Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers.  Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up.  Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.

He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character. 

:p

I’ll quote this next part in full:

There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out. 

Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy.  --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?

Also quoting this:

There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?

But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?

Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.

I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid...  but I think we can make an exception here?  I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half.  Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.

Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria? 

And I’m...

Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight.  BUSY day I had.  Y’all take care!

[that-cunning-mind]

The Untitled Chuckie Sputterspark Origin Fanfic Pt.1

(Guess who wrote a fanfic for the first time in years lmao...

Read below if you want to see my take on how @based-ducks​ and me thought up of Quackervolt fankid Chuckie Sputterspark’s origin...somewhat)

As the crisp, evening air descended upon the moonlit shadows of St. Canard, a particular purplish protector of the poor found himself investigating a case of deductive interest. A case of shadowy intrigue and mystery. A case that would decide the future of St. Canard in its epic battle between good and evil.

A case of price gouging tickets at a pizza arcade.  

“Twenty dollars for an adult ticket and twelve for kids over ten years old? Why these crooked capitalist crooks, thinking they can force parents to come in here and charge them extra! I should just quit SHUSH and open up one of these places myself! I’ll be richer than Glomgold!” Part-time superhero and full-time parent Drake Mallard grumbled under his breath as he handed over his card to the tired teenager manning the cashier. His daughter, Gosalyn, was busy putting on the paper bracelets on herself and her other father, Launchpad McQuack. 

“It can’t be that profitable,” Gosalyn said, “I mean, they’re taking out all of their animatronics! Can you imagine Pepper Panda’s Pizza Pagoda without Pepper Panda and the Pie Gang? I tell ya, there’s gonna be rioting in the streets after tonight! RIOTS!!!” Launchpad, not expecting the outburst, startled and ripped his flimsy paper bracelet. 

“Eheheh,” he laughed nervously, “you guys got any tape or...”

“Ten dollars to replace any missing or broken bracelets,” said the cashier. 

Launchpad turned to his husband with big puppy-dog eyes, a method that tended to work about 99% of the time. Drake grumbled some more as he took a solitary bill out of his wallet. 

“If it wasn’t for our case,” Drake whispered harshly as they walked inside the pizza eatery, “I’d leave you outside in the car.” 

“Aww,” Launchpad pouted, “but you know how much I love coming here! Plus, I know how much the animatronics scare you, DW.”

Drake scoffed. “Scared? The daring duck detective isn’t scared of any cheaply-made robot! Drakey Mallard, on the other hand, never recovered from that time he thought Cheddar Charles was going to bite him at Elmo Sputterspark’s tenth birthday party.” As he spoke, a run down animatronic of a child-sized rat in blue overalls and a yellow shirt sprang to life, scaring Drake into Launchpad’s arms. Gosalyn just rolled her eyes and sighed. 

A crackly speaker from the animatronic known as Cheddar Charles started. “Hey kids! Pepper Panda and Pie Gang’s Nighttime Spectacular is about to start in ten minutes! Grab a seat now!”

“I’ll go grab us a table,” yelled Gosalyn as she ran to a booth. 

Launchpad let Drake climb off of him, then sniffed and wiped away a tear. “I can’t believe it, after forty years the Pie Gang is going away for good!”

“Launchpad, the case? Remember the case?” asked Drake. 

“Buh-“

“We’re here to stakeout the joint and lie in wait for that nefarious thief, Dr. Anna Matronic! Dishonorably discharged from the Imagineers, that raving robotics rascal will be using the Pie Gang’s farewell show to unveil her deadly creations. Little does she know that I, Darkwing Duck, will be waiting for her! Now, any questions?”

“Uhh, can we order the extra-large with cheese?” 

Drake simply sighed as he moved to sit down on the sticky seat. 

“Gee DW, what makes you think she’ll show up with all these people around?” asked Launchpad. 

“Because, as a former Imagineer, she’ll no doubt want to watch such a historic show one last time. Although, I can’t imagine what kind of psyche an adult must have to want to watch Pepper Panda and the Pie Gang willingly.” 

———

“Come on Megsy! I’m not gonna miss Pepper Panda and the Pie Gang’s final performance because of you!” 

Little did Darkwing Duck know that behind the scenes, his two mortal enemies Quackerjack and Megavolt would be attempting to watch the show as well. However, they were taking a break from their usual crimes and attempting to have their monthly date night, per Quackerjack’s insistence on coming to see the last hurrah of the animatronics he grew up watching. Megavolt, meanwhile, was trying to carry leftover pizza boxes up the scaffolding over the stage as he and Quackerjack prepared to take their seats. 

“You know, I think I kinda remember coming here as a kid,” said Megavolt. Quackerjack was surprised to hear this, as it was rare for Megavolt to remember anything before his fateful transformation into Megavolt. He pressed on with a simple, “Oh?”, demonstrating a rare moment of selfless interest. 

“Yeah,” Megavolt continued, “I think I had a birthday party here once. Mom forced me to invite everyone in my class, so I spent most of the day playing with the animatronics. I even got Cheddar Charles to almost bite this one duck, Jake. Or was it Lake...” Megavolt trailed off as his train of thought was derailed yet again.

“You must have been quite the kid growing up, a public nuisance in the making,” laughed Quackerjack. He looked off to the side in an almost wistful manner. “Though if I was a parent, I wouldn’t force you to hang out with any snot-nosed brats that stuck their faces into an arcade game!” Megavolt twitched, deciding not to tell Quackerjack that he definitely remembered sticking his face into arcade games as a kid, one of the happiest moments in an otherwise bullied childhood. 

But more importantly, Megavolt picked up on Quackerjack’s wistful tone and cursed himself internally for bringing up his childhood. “Come on Quacky,” he whined, “we’ve been through this already. We can’t just-“ 

“Well, so what?” interrupted Quackerjack, “It’s just not fair! Lots of kids have parents that go to jail!” 

“Yeah, but their parents aren’t criminal masterminds guilty of trespassing, theft, vandalism, and littering!” 

Quackerjack pouted, “You throw a banana peel on the ground one time...”

“I’m serious Quacky,” Megavolt frowned, “we can’t just bring a kid into the super-villain business! Do you want to be like Dorkwing and have a pipsqueak get in our way?” 

“Need I remind you,” hissed Quackerjack, “that his pipsqueak is fully capable of handling herself?”

“Ugh,” shuddered Megavolt, “don’t. Remind. Me. I still have the bruise marks from the last hostage attempt...”

“See?! The two of us could totally take care of a kid! All a kid really needs is food, a loving home, a pocket grenade...,” Quackerjack droned on, almost forgetting the point of his argument. Megavolt had to snap him back to reality if he was ever going to finish this conversation. 

“Hey don’t get me wrong, it’d be nice to have some kids that aren’t just the poor, enslaved bulbs of St. Canard,” said Megavolt. “But, don’t tell me you aren’t the tiniest bit worried of screwing the kid up?” At this, Quackerjack pursed his lips and went uncharacteristically still, not daring to look at Megavolt in the eye.  

“Besides,” Megavolt continued, “what if we go to jail without it? How would a normal kid protect itself? What if F.O.W.L or Negaduck found out about them and-“

“Oh alright fine! You’ve made your point, gloomy pants!” Megavolt shut his mouth quickly, turning to get a slice of week-old pizza and hopefully move on from this talk. Quackerjack pulled out his beloved Mr. Banana Brain, in an effort to calm himself before his temper took over. “Some date night this is! I’ve seen better chemistry in a high school science lab!” 

“Butt out, banana boy!” Megavolt grumbled. “Great, could this date get any worse?” 

The explosion that rocked the building answered that question. 

———

The duck family ducked under their table as dust filled the room, sending screaming families in a panic. A giant hole had opened up in front of the stage, and from it rose a goose in a purple trench-coat honking maliciously. This was-

“Dr. Matronic!” Drake shielded Gosalyn behind himself as Dr. Matronic climbed onto the stage. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” she cried out, “children of all ages! To all who come to this happy place, Pepper Panda’s Pizza Pagoda is now MY Pizza Pagoda! Which means the animatronics are now mine to keep! Mwahonkhonkhonk!”

Gosalyn stuck out her tongue in disgust. “Ugh, you call that an evil laugh? A baby would sound more menacing than that!” 

“Never mind that now,” said Drake, “we’ve got to get these people out of here! Launchpad, Gosalyn, evacuate the building while I keep her busy.” With a plan of action in place, the daring duck of mystery went off to find a broom closet to change in. Unfortunately, it was a very tight squeeze, as Drake tried to change and avoid the brooms at the same time. 

“This night couldn’t possibly get worse...,” muttered Drake. 

——

“Megavolt! That stupid doctor just ruined our date night!” Quackerjack’s temper had come out in full force, and now he was ready to let it all out. 

“The nerve of some people! I mean, who breaks into a pizza parlor and steals the animatronics??” Megavolt yelled. Sparks started to fly as he locked onto the target of his ire, who was beginning to disassemble the helpless robots. “D’ohhh! Well at least it can’t get any worse.”

The blue smoke cloud that burst out answered that. 

“Gah! Will you stop saying that!” shouted Quackerjack. 

“I am the terror that flaps in the night!”

“I am the cheese pizza that burns on the taste buds of crime! I am Darkwing Duck!” Like clockwork, the purple caped crusader appeared out of the smoke. 

“Oh no. It’s Darkwing Duck. Whatever shall I do,” said Dr. Matronic, not intimidated in the slightest. Failing to frighten his foe, Darkwing pulled out his gas gun as his mood worsened. 

“Listen here doc! I may not like these rusty robots, but there’s no way I’ll let you take them away! Now suck gas, evildoer! Schpadoink!” As he shot off a canister of knockout gas, a Dalmatian puppy came out from behind Dr. Matronic and caught the canister, throwing it away from the doctor. 

“What the-!” 

“So,” Dr. Matronic grinned maliciously, “you don’t like rusty robots, eh? Well, I’m sure you’ll find that they have their uses!” Dr. Matronic pulled a walkie-talkie from her coat, and yelled, “Code 101: ATTACK!!” 

From the crevice, a noise of barking and howling approached, growing louder and louder until from out of the hole, one hundred robotic Dalmatians came bursting out. 

Darkwing gulped, hoping to hide his nervousness. “Alright, you digital dog deviants, prepare to face the might of Dark-AAAACK!!” The dogs never let him finish, immediately pouncing on Darkwing and biting everything that belonged to the flapping terror. 

“WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND DALMATIANS!!!” 

“Well, since you’re tied up at the moment, I might as well explain my origin story,” said Dr. Matronic as she got to work detaching the Pie Gang from the stage. “You see, those Imagineer fools said it was impossible to make one hundred and one animatronics! They said it was too expensive! That I was a lunatic! Well who’s laughing now, huh?! Mwahonkhon-AHH!” 

Before the doctor could finish her evil laugh, a bolt of electricity from behind the stage curtain zapped her and sent her flying off the stage. In her hands she grasped the Cheddar Charles figurine, the remote controlling the chaotic canines flying off somewhere else. 

Megavolt stepped out onto the stage, a wide manic grin on his face as his hands lit up. “Well, looks like we’re the ones laughing now, and much better at it too! Aheeheeheeheee!” With a flick of a wrist, Megavolt shot another electric bolt at the pack of piranha-like puppies, putting a stop to their attack on the poor, punctured defender in purple as they scattered off.  

“Th-thanks for that...Megavolt,” Darkwing said shakily, as he attempted to stand up and not jostle his wounds at the same time. “Wait a minute, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! I swear, if that lunatic toy-maker Quackerjack is here too I’ll-“

What Darkwing would do, Megavolt would never know, for at that moment Quackerjack decided to introduce himself with one of his patented exploding toys. Laughing maniacally, he took out his signature mallet as he attempted to stomp out any robot trying to attack him. Dr. Matronic began turning her attention towards the most annoying threat in the room, directing robot after robot at Quackerjack. 

“What, did all the freaks decide to come out tonight?!” yelled Dr. Matronic, as she whipped out a small flamethrower aimed at Quackerjack. The jester merely giggled and blew raspberries as he dodged all of her flame attacks. Darkwing and Megavolt, however, were not as lucky, and had to hide behind an overturned table to avoid the flames. 

“Oh great,” sighed Darkwing, “the cherry on top of my already lousy sundae. Could this possibly get any worse?” Megavolt let out a yipe and braced himself. 

“Uhh, you alright there Mega-,” asked Darkwing, before Megavolt clasped a hand around his bill. 

“Don’t say that again! The universe has been more vindictive than usual today whenever somebody says that!”

“Alright alright, I’ll stop! Now, either help get me rid of this riddle-some ridicule of our rights, or GET OUT!” Megavolt’s train of thought got back on track, his temper overtaking him as he remembered his terrible night. 

“Uhh, Sparky-“ said Darkwing, before a stray bolt from Megavolt zapped him away as the electric rodent turned back to Dr. Matronic. 

“YOU RUINED DATE NIGHT!!!” roared Megavolt. Darkwing was dumbfounded, for once Megavolt hadn’t responded to his hated nickname of Sparky. Dr. Matronic began to worry, as she was inexperienced against the full force of the Quackervolt duo. Darkwing stepped back, hoping to get the upper hand as the villains fought each other when who should appear but Gosalyn.

“Don’t worry Darkwing, I’ll help ya!” cried Gosalyn. 

“Gosalyn, NO!” Darkwing dived towards his daughter, shielding her from the wayward flames with his cape as he caught the full brunt of the attack. Dr. Matronic took the time to gloat evilly at her fallen foe. 

“Well well well, guess the Pizza Pagoda is serving roast duck tonight! MWAHAHAHAH! How’s that for an evil laugh, by the way?” In her distraction, she failed to notice Megavolt and Quackerjack charging up the remaining animatronics, bringing them back to life. 

“Hey lady, ever heard of the Bite of ‘87!?” they both yelled. 

“The Bite of ‘87? That’s just a-“ Dr. Matronic looked back and saw the looming, terrifying animatronics trudging towards her. She gulped.

“...Just a myth,” she finished quietly. 

As the robots began their attack, Launchpad came in and helped Darkwing to his feet. “Gee DW, how’re we gonna stop those three?” 

“Oww, can’t we jus’...let ‘em kill each other?” Darkwing meekly asked. 

Gosalyn, guilty over her father’s second degree burns, tried to remember about any useful information pertaining to the animatronics. 

“Well, I read online that old robots used to explode from time to time...” she suggested. Inspiration struck Darkwing, reaching into his pockets for a special gas canister. 

“Launchpad, hand me my gas gun!”  With his weapon in hand, Darkwing loaded up the canister and aimed between the animatronics. “Get behind that column,” he motioned. 

Megavolt, taking a break from the action that was almost too exciting to put in words, took a side glance to see Darkwing’s fan club hiding behind a concrete column. As he wondered what was going on, the duck pulled out his gas gun and yelled, “hey Dr. Matronic, see if your pooches can stop this knockout gas!” 

Darkwing shot out the canister towards the animatronics and quickly took cover. As planned, Dr. Matronic took aim with her flamethrower, unable to tell the difference between knockout gas and explosive gas. 

FWOOSH! 

KABAM!! 

“SHPOOSH-“

“Dad! Do ya have t’ make sound effects right now?” 

“Oh, right, sorry,” Darkwing sheepishly said. “Well, better make sure no one died or anything.” As the smoke dissipated, he could see Dr. Matronic knocked out on the ground, singed and certainly not triumphant. Quackerjack, who had tried to run from the explosion, was somehow still standing, albeit close to passing out at any second. Behind them, all of the animatronics were nothing more than scrap, their somewhat cute faces now melted and resembling characters in a subpar horror video game franchise. 

Megavolt was nowhere to be seen. 

“Uh-oh, Megavolt?” The prospect of being arrested for manslaughter began to unnerve Darkwing.  “Hey Quackster, you seen your boyfriend anywhere?” 

The only thing Quackerjack heard through his concussion was ‘Megavolt’, and tried to snap out of his daze as best as he could. 

“Megsy! Sparky-poo, where are you!? Ooooh, I’m gonna get you for this Darkwing Duck!” But before Quackerjack could get him, the sound of police sirens could be heard in the distance. 

“Mmm, but maybe not today,” said Quackerjack, and then took out Mr. Banana Brain. “Time to hit the road, Toad,” he said in a falsetto voice. 

“MEGAVOLT! See you at the hideout!” And Quackerjack ran backstage, toppling over Launchpad who had attempted to catch him. 

“Ah geez, sorry DW, he got away. Should we go after him?”

“Nah,” said Darkwing, “I’ve got enough on my plate with Miss Robot over here. Also I gotta make sure Megavolt didn’t explode or something,...”

“Ughhh,” groaned Dr. Matronic, “that’s DOCTOR- wait. The animatronics! What have you done to them you fiend?!” Before she could freak out entirely, the police came in, slapping handcuffs on her and leading her away. 

“Why I say I say, ah-thank you Mr. Duck sir.” 

The team looked back and saw a rotund rooster in a tacky pizza print suit come up to them, taking Darkwing’s hand and shaking it profusely. “I am the owner of this here establishment, Rolan N. Dough the Third, thought you may call me Mr. Dough. I must congratulate you sir on a job well done!” 

“Ah-yep, yep, yep, all in a day’s work for Darkwing Duck, Mr. Dough!”

“So you’re not mad that he blew up your animatronics?” piped up Gosalyn. Darkwing hurriedly placed his hand over her bill, “Gosalyn! Ix-nay on the obot-ray! Ahaha, kids...” 

“On the contrary, Mr. Duck, I’m overjoyed! Thanks to you, I’m gonna save a fortune on properly preserving those robotic freaks! And receive a rather sizable insurance check! A nice little profit for today’s events!” 

Darkwing soured, remembering his distaste for the Pizza Pagoda once more. “You’re welcome, sir.”  

“I simply must reward you! How does a coupon for a free pizza sound?” 

Launchpad’s stomach rumbled at the sound of that. “Gee DW, can we cash it in now?” 

Darkwing sighed, “Fine, fine, we’re not coming back here anytime soon.”

As Launchpad and Mr. Dough made their way to the pizza station, Darkwing crouched down to check on Gosalyn for any injuries. 

“You ok?” he asked. “I mean, aside from seeing your favorite pizzeria in ruins that is?” 

“Yeah,” she sighed, “I’m just sad the Pie Gang met their end like that.”

“Well it’s an Italian eatery owned by a Southerner themed around China, it was bound to end horribly. You gotta admit though, it was a pretty cool explosion.”

“Okay yeah, it was pretty cool. I mean the way that flamethrower just went GWOOSH and the canister was like SCHPAAAAM! Not too bad from Darkwing and his helpful sidekicks, huh?”

“Oh, that reminds me, you’re still in trouble for running in like that.”

“WHAT? Daaa-uh, I mean, Darkwiiiing!” The two walked away, preparing to stop Launchpad from spending more than $50 on pizza. 

“Hmm, I feel like I’m forgetting something though,” said Darkwing.

“Ah well, I’m sure it was nothing important,” reassured Gosalyn. 

———

In the subterranean hole where Dr. Matronic had come from, Megavolt had begun to regain consciousness, slowly sitting up as he willed the surroundings to stop spinning. 

“Owwww, that’s it, next date night will be at the mini golf...” 

From below, he could hear the faint voice of Quackerjack at hysterics, then fading away. Then he heard the shrill voice of Dr. Matronic screaming over the ruined animatronics. Megavolt perked up, remembering the explosion with clarity now. 

“NO NO NO! The animatronics! Darkwing Duck and that stupid doctor lady ruined my childhood! This is worse than that reboot of my favorite movie with an all-female cast! Why I oughta-OW!!”

In his rage, Megavolt failed to notice an object in his path, and stubbed his already fragile toe against it. He was prepared to blast it to smithereens, when he noticed something familiar about the object. 

Something metallic. 

“Wait...it can’t be,” he muttered. He crouched down, digging through the rubble until the object was set free. It was Cheddar Charles, banged up a little but perfectly intact. 

“Oh you poor thing,” Megavolt cooed, “you must’ve fallen down here after that mean old Darkwing blew us up!” He cradled the orphaned robotic mouse in his arms, feeling his paternal instinct flare up as he gently dusting the dirt off of it. A ghost of a childhood memory panged within him, recalling a time in his life when he felt safe and loved, unaware of the harsh realities of life that would face him later on.

Was it too insane to believe that he could pass that love on to something else?

He loved Quackerjack. He loved his life of lightbulb liberation. But if Megavolt was honest with himself, maybe there was something nice to the whole family concept. Maybe the idea of taking care of something and watching it grow with someone he loved seemed exciting to him. Maybe Darkwing had the right idea about having a kid sidekick-

Nope. It’d be a cold, day in Hell before Megavolt would admit to being jealous of Darkwing Duck. 

He took out one of his trusty light bulbs to illuminate the scene, when an idea came to him. 

“Wait a minute,” he said, “Quacky and I want a kid. This little guy doesn’t have a family anymore. That means...that means! Wait, where was I going with this?”

The Cheddar Charles let out a shock, charging up Megavolt once more. 

“Oh right! Welcome to the family, new son! This is gonna turn out way better than that time I split Darkwing into two.” He took his son into his arms, already bonding with the temporarily lifeless robot. 

“But ya know, Cheddar Charles is kinda long for a name. How about I call you...Chuckie!” 

------

Meanwhile, on the other side of town…

“OH MY GOD,” cried out Drake Mallard, “I BLEW UP MEGAVOLT!”

[knifeonmars]

Capsule Reviews - May 2020 - The Cape Stuff

I read a lot of comics in May. Here’s what I thought of some of the superhero and superhero-adjacent comics I read.

Arms of the Octopus

A nostalgia pick, the collection of several annual issues containing a crossover between Superior Spider-Man, The Invincible Hulk, and the All-New X-Men. It is an artifact of a very specific and bizarre time in Marvel Comics, when Doc Ock was Spider-Man, the Hulk worked for SHIELD, and the original five teen X-Men were stranded in their own future. For a pure, relatively straightforward crossover romp, it's quite enjoyable. Spider-Man is a jerk, the Hulk fights a robot, the X-Men are befuddled by the present, all of the major beats for that particular moment in the Marvel Universe are there, and it's got some really great art. Jake Wyatt, during his regrettably short-lived stint with Marvel and the great Kris Anka unfortunately overshadow the other contributors, but it's all very good, if not the most accessible comic.

Maxwell's Demons

I came to Maxwell's Demons having heard a lot of critical buzz and with my expectations set rather high. I did not care for this book at all. Ambitious is the best word for this series, and that's not a bad thing. It's got ideas, about the craft, about the genre, about philosophy in general. It never quite manages to carry things off though; it's not as smart as it wants to be, and the high-minded ideas are never incorporated in particularly elegant ways. Three of the story's five chapters are essentially extended monologues in which the main character rambles on about some glorified shower thought for 20-plus pages. The first and second chapters are the exceptions to this pattern, and are quite solid as far as pointedly derivative superhero riffs go, even if the second chapter's riff on "What if Miracleman #17 was significantly less intelligent" is more than a little shameless in its lack of originality. The fourth chapter, by contrast, is the nadir of the series, easily the most embarrassing Manic Pixie Dream Girl tripe I've seen played straight in literal years. I'm reminded a lot of Translucid, another superhero pastiche, which essentially sought to do for Batman what Maxwell's Demons seeks to do for Lex Luthor. I warmed to Translucid significantly on my second read and I wonder if the same will end up being true for Maxwell's Demons, but I find that Translucid simply did a better job of incorporating original ideas and stating its themes in ways less stupefyingly clunky than Maxwell's Demon's ever manages. I hate to call a book pretentious, especially an ambitious one, but at present that's how I feel about this book.

Twilight

Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Howard Chaykin's Watchmen-for-mid-century-space-heroes epic. It's good. Fabulous art, some really interesting ideas and a great premise. It's also more than a little Chaykin-y, with most of the male characters having fraught but amiable relationships with their much-too-good-for-them-and-they-both-know-it ex-wives. It has this particular brand of low grade misogyny that idealizes women but in doing so denies them interiority and, ultimately, humanity. Leaving that aside, though it is a major point to leave aside, it’s story of humanity rotting over eons of immortality, mad space gods, and humanity’s proclivity towards colonialism and genocide, it's great. It’s not an altogether pleasant book, it can be nasty and strange, in ways both intentional and unintentional, but it’s original and engaging and decidedly well made. Something of an overlooked classic of that era’s DC output.    

Green Lantern: Earth One

Literally the only one of DC's Earth One graphic novels that's worth a damn. Where most of the other Earth One books choose to start things off in a world resembling our own, Green Lantern starts off in a scifi future resembling something along the lines of Ad Astra or The Expanse, with Earth controlled by an only alluded to totalitarian government, humanity colonizing and mining the solar system, and Hal Jordan as a spacefaring roughneck who dreads the prospect of returning to Earth. Earth One is the rare Green Lantern story that manages to make Earth as interesting as the rest of the universe. The bulk of the action leaves this behind to focus on unearth the lost legacy of the Green Lanterns and refits their mythology in a clean way which will be unsurprising for anyone with a passing familiarity with the original comics but is still satisfying ad fresh. Fabulous art, fun take on the mythology, I'm left both wanting more and being satisfied with what we got.

Spider-Man: Life Story

In a just world, Chip Zdarksy, one of Marvel’s best writers these days, would be writing both Spider-Man and Fantastic Four, instead of having been relegated to shortlived spinoffs. Because life just isn’t fair sometimes, instead he was given this admittedly ambitious project, his all-encompassing take on the Spider-Man story as played out in real time. In the end it’s bold and engaging, but more than a little clipped in execution. Each issue is a snippet of Peter Parker's life as we catch up to him in a new decade so readers only get a quick glimpse of the action and are left to fill in the substantial gaps by drawing on our knowledge of continuity. The obvious comparison is John Byrne's Superman/Batman: Generations, but where that story really only took the broad strokes of those characters' continuity into account in writing its decades spanning story, Spider-Man: Life Story is dedicated to the remixing of Spider-Man's publishing canon. So it can’t just take an archetypal view of Spider-Man and play that out to its logical conclusion, instead it’s stuck trying to incorporate version of prominent Spider-Man stories like Kraven's Last Hunt, Venom, and Civil War. The result means that there’s a ton of exposition in each issue, and frequent use of shorthand to gloss over things which have happened since the previous issue, and it never manages to explore the series’ original ideas in detail. Also, I'll die mad that Michel Fiffe, the genius behind COPRA and one of my favorite cartoonists, public pitched basically this exact story a year or so before this project was announced, and even if Marvel didn't actually steal the idea, I'll forever pine for Fiffe's take on this premise.

Star Wars: The Crimson Empire Saga

Long before the Disney's take on Star Wars, with their codified takes on the mythology and careful curation of the franchise, there was the old Star Wars Expanded Universe, where seemingly anyone could tell any story they wanted using the mythology of Star Wars. While it resulted in some good stuff, like Timothy Zahn's fondly remembered Thrawn books, the vast majority of it was workmanlike or even bad. Crimson Empire falls firmly into the category of bad, a dumber than dirt story about an extremely cool space guy and his code of honor. It's the kind of story where multiple characters say "He's just one man!" right before or right after seeing their legion of anonymous flunkies getting demolished by the hero. It's got an inexplicable and bad love story. In the three miniseries collected here it spends about two pages total dealing with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the fact that it's main character is dedicated to the lost honor of Emperor Palpatine, a space fascist, maybe his code of honor is completely fucked. Of those three miniseries, only the first story is anywhere near something that could be called good. I wouldn’t called Crimson Empire utterly abysmal, but it’s not unironically good. If the name Kyle Katarn means anything to you, you might get something out of this as a nostalgia trip, but otherwise it has no redeeming qualities.

Deathstroke: Legacy

The first of the New 52 Deathstroke stories, which was never well regarded until Christopher Priest took it over with Deathstroke: Rebirth, I was driven to read this by a conceptual fondness for this era's Deathstroke basically looking and acting like an action figure. Through that lens, it's quite enjoyable. It's not as obviously in on the joke in the way that the classic Taskmaster: Unthinkable is, but it's over the top, has fun designs and baddies, and Joe Bennett (years before his career best heights in Immortal Hulk) provides consistently good art. As a pure action comic, it's good.

Wolverine MAX: Permanent Rage

Here's the thing about Wolverine: There are very few good Wolverine solo stories. Wolverine is a genuinely good character, but most of his solo stories are dumb action affairs, and there's literally never been a Wolverine comic that's even halfway as good as the Logan movie. Permanent Rage, the first storyline from the Wolverine MAX series though, is actually pretty decent. It plays out a lot like you might imagine a Wolverine movie made around 2004, with no superheroes, a Japanese setting that allows for some distracting orientalism, unrelenting violence, and a noir-inspired storyline. The present day storyline is all well and good, not great, but solid and relatively low-key, but what makes the book is the presence of Sabretooth as the main villain. His relationship with Wolverine, fleshed out through flashbacks drawn by some really talented artists, is probably one of the best takes on that relationship that Marvel has ever put out. The casting of Wolverine and Sabretooth as two lonely immortals, bound together by hate and the knowledge that they are each other's only true companions, absolutely makes this book. Is it great? No, but it's got enough interesting things going on that fans of dark superheroes stories would probably find something to enjoy. Subsequent volumes of Wolverine MAX moved even further from the character’s superhero trappings and supporting characters, which is a pity, but this one remains readable and enjoyable on its own.

Marshal Law Omnibus

A collection all of the non-licensed and non-text-only Marshal Law stories. It's weird, it's punk, it's violent, it's sick of superheroes but self-aware about it own silliness in a way that Garth Ennis' work like The Boys has never been (Incidentally, the fifth story contained here, Super Babylon, is just every self-righteous complaint Ennis made about superheroes in The Boys but presented with a modicum of good humor). It's quite fun as a mean-spirited anti-superhero romp, but anyone who is particularly invested in the moral rectitude of, like, the Flash, might find it an unpleasant read so I would advise avoiding it if that's you. It's also not perfect, even for what it is: it's approach to sex work and kink is very dated, it relies on sexual violence a little too much, and by the time you get to the final story, Secret Tribunal, it's come to revel in its previously ironic fascist and misogynist imagery and characters just a little too much. The third installment, Kingdom of the Blind, is for my money, the strongest of the lot, featuring both the most straightforward premise and the most incisive satire the collection has to offer.

[chasholidays]

Pursuant of the previously discussed post regarding Batman's age: Jake and Amy find out that Batman is essentially a teenage dad, panic, and adopt Batman.

the post in question; I didn’t get the teenage dad part in there it’s just the 99 adopting batman for no reason except that they can

Jake opens his presentation on Monday morning with, “Guess who just got a new superhero!”

“Is it us or is it Manhattan?” asks Terry. “Because it’s usually Manhattan.”

“He serves all five boroughs, Terry! Don’t try to take this away from me.”

“So he’s in Manhattan,” Rosa surmises.

“Moving on,” Jake says, hitting the button on his powerpoint to show a grainy image of a form dressed in all black with a cape. “He’s been spotted every night for the past week all over all five boroughs, including Brooklyn. So far he seems to be on our side.” He hits the next slide, a group of people in an alley, tied together somehow. “Catching perps and calling in tips to let police know where they are.”

“But still a criminal,” says Captain Holt.

“Come on, Captain, we need all the help we can get. And he’s so cool! I haven’t told you his name yet.”

“I assume something juvenile and non-descriptive.”

“Batman!” Jake exclaims.

“Is he a furry?” Rosa asks.

“No, Rosa, he’s not a furry.”

“How do you know he’s not a furry?”

“Actually, that’s a good question,” Amy puts in. “Maybe not specifically the furry thing, but how much do you know about this guy?”

He hits the button for the next slide. “This is the best shot we have of his costume. Does that look like a fursuit to you?”

“Why do you know what a fursuit looks like?” Terry asks.

“Because I did my research! Look, we’re getting away from the point. The point is: Batman is now a presence in the city. So far he is non-hostile to law enforcement and helping us!”

“But he is still a vigilante and if you encounter him, you should bring him in,” says Captain Holt.

“Counterpoint: he has cool stuff and we should ask him if he wants to share it.”

“Peralta, do you believe that the NYPD is a good thing?”

Jake pauses. “I believe the 99 is. Other than that, I’d say it’s a pretty mixed bag.”

“Yeah, NYPD’s had some issues,” Rosa puts in. “Can’t trust cops.”

“Fair enough,” says Holt. “Peralta, do you believe that the NYPD is a theoretically good thing that we should be improving?”

“Definitely.”

“If this–Batman character believes the same, he should be working within the system. If you want to fight crime, put on a police uniform, not a fursuit.”

“I disagree with you on a fundamental level but also can you say fursuit again?”

“No.”

“Damn it.” He sobers. “Look, the system doesn’t work for everyone, Captain. As long as Batman is on our side, we shouldn’t be trying to stop him.”

“I don’t believe we know enough about his so-called side to be saying he’s an ally. Regardless, unless you encounter the Batman, I don’t see any reason to pay any attention to him. However, it is useful to know about local vigilantes, so I appreciate the presentation, Peralta. Is that all?”

Jake clicks rapidly through a few more slides. “Bat fursuit for comparison, picture of his symbol, a few more cell phone pics, yup, that’s it.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

“You’re going to go look for Batman, huh,” Rosa murmurs, as they leave.

“Obviously,” says Jake. “He’s a hero.”

“He’s gonna be a furry.”

“He’s not a furry!” Jake calls at her, and she just waves over her shoulder, dismissive. “Not a furry.”

Amy manages a weak smile. “Sure he’s not.”

*

Charles is the first to actually encounter Batman.

“I was terrified!” he reports.

Jake makes a face. “You shouldn’t sound so happy when you say that.”

“Think about it Jake, if he scares me, he’ll scare criminals.”

“Wrong,” says Rosa. “You’re afraid of way more things than criminals are.”

“Yeah, Charles,” Amy adds. “You were scared of the My Little Pony movie.”

“Hey, that got dark.”

“So, what was he like, tell me everything,” says Jake.

“Well, he spoke in a deep, raspy voice. He told me to stay out of his way, and I asked him if he was a furry. Apparently he gets that a lot!”

“Well, that sounds like about what I would expect,” says Jake. “Did he at least give you some perps to round up?”

“Nope! He shot a grappling hook into the air and swung away.”

“Still cool! Counting that as a win.” He rubs his hands together. “Who’s next?”

*

It’s Rosa, three days later.

“I told him his car was dope. He told me my bike was dope. End of interaction.”

“How dope was his car?” Jake asks.

“So dope.”

“I knew it.”

*

Amy doesn’t mean to find Batman; it just happens.

“Tell me everything,” Jake says, when she gets home.

“There’s really not much to tell. Honestly, he was kind of a letdown.”

“Letdown? How could he be a letdown?”

“Well, I was walking home–”

“Uh huh, uh huh.”

“This is going to take forever if you react to everything.”

“Good feedback, continue.”

“I was walking home and I heard a fight. I went to investigate and I found him fighting with one guy, two already down. I put down my bags, got out my gun, and told them to freeze. Batman punched the last guy while he was distracted, and then he said, They’re all yours.”

“How is that a letdown?”

“I feel like he could have had a cooler line. Also, his voice was almost too gravely? He was trying way too hard.”

“He’s still new, he’ll grow into it. Maybe we could help him out.”

“You want to help Batman?”

“You’ve seen my diary full of quippy one-liners, you know I could give him suggestions.” The noise she makes is non-committal, and he protests, “Lots of those are good!”

“Some of them are.”

“They’re better than they’re all yours.”

“True. I just don’t think you should get too attached to this guy. I’m not sure he has what it takes to make it as a superhero.”

“Agree to disagree! I will be putting all my hopes and dreams onto him and will be crushed if he ever lets me down.”

Amy sighs. “That’s what I thought.”

*

Terry starts the care packages, albeit accidentally.

“I don’t think he’s eating right, and he definitely needs a better workout routine. Terry would make a much better vigilante.”

“Terry would,” Jake agrees. “We could make that happen.”

“I don’t want to be a vigilante, Jake.”

“But if you did, you would be an amazing one.”

“I would.”

“You really think Batman needs workout tips?” Amy asks, putting the conversation back on track.

“Everyone needs workout tips. Even Terry is still learning!”

“Then it’s settled,” says Jake. “Terry will prepare a care package, which we will deliver to Batman!”

“That’s not what I said,” Terry protests.

“Don’t you want to help him become his best self?”

Terry shifts, uncomfortable. “You know I do.”

“Perfect! You get the baskets done and we’ll do the rest.”

“How are you possibly going to give Batman a care package,” Rosa says, so dubious it doesn’t really qualify as a question.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“You don’t know, do you.”

“No, so I guess it’s for everyone to find out! Get me that basket, Sarge.”

*

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god it’s really him.”

“Stay calm, Jake.” Amy waves. “Excuse me, Batman?” The man turns. He’s definitely not as big as Terry, in any dimension. “Santiago and Peralta, NYPD. We have something for you.”

“What?” he says. His voice might be even deeper than the last time Amy heard it.

Jake thrusts the basket out. “We’re big fans and we just want you to be your best self, so–here! It’s a lot of yogurt and some exercises you can use to build your core.”

“Whose core doesn’t need a little work, right?” Amy asks.

Batman looks between their faces and the basket for a second, and then reaches out and accepts it, fast, like a wild animal.

“Thank you,” he says.

“And thank you for helping protect our city,” Jake says, too fast. “Do you have your grappling hook? Can you take me for an amazing ride through the city in your big strong arms?”

“Dial it back, babe,” Amy murmurs.

“Good call. If you ever need help in Brooklyn, come to the 99!”

“Understood,” he says, and then has to try to grappling hook away from the scene while juggling the basket, which is a little awkward.

“We’re going to work on that!” Jake calls. “And your one-liners!” He turns to Amy with a smile. “I think that went well.”

Amy pats his arm. “The best.”

*

“Attention, squad,” says Captain Holt, after a few weeks of covert Batman-helping. “It has come to my attention that you have been aiding and abetting the Batman in his vigilante activities.”

“No and no,” says Jake. “Why would you think that?”

“For one thing, the sergeant told me.”

“Damn it, Terry!”

“I had to! Terry’s conscience got the better of him!”

“Look, Captain, we’re not doing that much. Giving him some snacks, some workout tips, maybe a few ideas for witty banter. It’s not like we’re teaming up with him or anything, although I think that would be great PR and we should do it if at all possible.”

“Ah, yes, the excellent public-relations strategy of law enforcement working with someone who is actively breaking the law.”

“Jake’s right, Captain,” Gina pipes up. “People like the Batman way more than they like us. If we could find some way to leech some of his popularity it would deffo be great for the precinct. Like if he endorsed us? It would be amazing.”

“See, Captain? The people love Batman!” Jake pauses. “Is it Batman or the Batman? Ames?”

“Honestly, it’s very inconsistent across publications and social media. I wrote a letter to the New York Times editorial board to see why they’d elected to use the definite article but I haven’t heard back yet. They’re probably really busy.”

“Excellent, keep us posted. See, Captain? He’s so popular!”

“Stop giving the Batman care packages,” says the Captain. “Dismissed.”

“He never said we had to stop giving him stuff.”

“Jake!”

“Come on, it’s getting cold! I don’t think he’s adequately insulated for winter. And, let’s be real, he’s probably some broke college kid who put all this stuff together in his garage. If we don’t help him, he’ll starve and/or freeze.”

Amy gasps, about half genuinely. “Are you trying to be a caretaker?”

“Maybe I’m finally becoming responsible!”

“Hey, let’s not carried away.”

“Yeah, okay, giving stuff to an adult man dressed as a bat is definitely a baby step. Still, baby step!”

“Baby step!”

“Do you think I could knit him a scarf?”

Amy smiles. “I think you could definitely try.”

*

“Attention, squad,” Gina announces, one morning in December. “I am thrilled to inform you that our campaign to gain public support through our support of the Batman has worked.”

“Do not say that,” says Captain Holt. “We have no way of knowing if that this has anything to do with the Batman.”

“What is it?” asks Terry.

“We received a large anonymous donation, for our service to the city. I’m sure it’s unrelated.”

“And I’m sure it’s not!” says Jake. “We’re the cops who knitted Batman a sweater and the people support us. How much money is it? Did we get it in bags? Is there a pool we could fill with the money and then we go swimming?”

“There is not and the money is going to the precinct, not to us personally. There will be no swimming in it. And I will once again ask you to stop giving the Batman sweaters.”

“Request denied, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. Merry Christmas to all!”

*

In the Wayne manor, twenty-three-year-old Bruce Wayne is sitting in front of the fire, wearing a very poorly made black sweater with a yellow circle on the front, when Alfred comes in a letter. “A thank-you note. From Brooklyn’s 99th precinct, for your generous contribution.”

Bruce smiles. “Thank you, Alfred. That will be all.”

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

you look pretty, too.

first off: spider-man: far from home is a lot of fun. much like the end of homecoming, it left me feeling warm and happy and already making plans to watch it another time. it doesn’t hang together quite as well or quite as coherently as homecoming, but it takes more risks and displays more ambition, and honestly, how could i not appreciate that? 

far from home is absolutely FANTASTIC as another chapter in the mcu saga, much more so than any other film in the series (bar homecoming). it gives a great ground-level perspective on all the mind-bending cosmic shit that goes on in the other movies and does a fair bit of world-building. because it’s so interlocked so organically with a larger narrative, it serves to both bolster that larger vision and provide snide commentary on it. there are so many wonderful moments in this film that deal with the extremely bloated and extremely complicated legacy of iron man, and one gets the feeling that, even by the end of the film, spider-man hasn’t completely shaken off the spectre of tony stark. 

maybe because far from home functions so well as an episode of the mcu, spider-man doesn’t get to own even his most heroic moments. there’s still nothing here that i can brand as Iconic on the scale of some of the most memorable shit from other entries in the franchise. it also means that there are so many extra-textual pressures from so many directions on this movie, that the writing often comes off as sloppy.

anyway. i have a veritable fucking dissertation brewing in my head right now, so let’s get right on it.

SPOILERS ahead. if you’re on a device/app that doesn’t recognise the ‘read more’ cut i’m about to insert here and don’t want to be spoiled on basically every aspect of the film, please scroll past as fast as you can.

1. sorry to start off with a bummer, but the premise of this movie is bullshit. i see no reason why this whole shebang couldn’t have been set in new york. there could’ve been more time to deal with endgame-aftermath, we could’ve had more aunt may (criminally underused both here and in homecoming), and peter’s emotional arc could’ve had more set-up. the european locales contribute nothing beyond being pretty backdrops; all of the vital players in the story are american; a lot of the jokes revolving around them being tourists just. don’t. land.

1.25. i appreciate the impulse to be Different given how many Spidermen have appeared on screen just in the last couple of decades, but the european setting is wholly incidental to the plot and wastes valuable time, so.

1.5. apparently a fair bit of footage setting up the vacation was cut so that we could get into the action faster? but honestly, regardless of pacing, the vacation could’ve used some set-up; the jump straight to the holiday was jarring, and i can’t help but feel some vital foreshadowing regarding peter’s spidey sense was sacrificed as collateral. that wonderful moment in the climactic fight when peter realises he can trust his spidey sense to work around mysterio’s illusions feels like the end-point of an arc that never began in the first place.

2. honestly, what a genius way to work in somebody as goofy as mysterio, tho!

2.25. *flails* ok. a little digression here, because my love for this character needs actual build-up, and the build-up needs to start with how much i disliked captain america: civil war. there’s an intriguing ideological conflict that’s set up at the core of the movie that never gets followed-up in any meaningful sense and ends in a facile little brawl between two sets of superheroes who, in any case, are way, way too close to the situation to give us any interesting insights about it. what the two spider-man movies have ended up doing, however, is giving us actual glimpses of the legacy of having superheroes at all instead of just talking about it. the vulture swooped in on the carnage left behind every battle between the avengers and civil war, selling alien tech to anybody who would pay for it, from small-time weapons dealers to desperate people looking to arm themselves in a world that experiences cataclysms every other week to shady-ass governments and secret agencies. a lot of silent and potentially catastrophic damage has already been inflicted by the time spider-man takes him down. similarly, mysterio zooms in during a particularly vulnerable time, playing a world both ravaged and rebuilt by ineffable cosmic forces to build himself up through fancy smoke-and-mirrors work. as always, mcu’s spider-man delights me over and over again with just how organically it both manages to feed off and enrich this larger universe it belongs to.

2.5. mysterio talking about how people these days tend to believe flying people in capes more than technology used in more traditional ways--about how people would believe anything these days--is a bit of snide commentary on the state of the mcu itself and perhaps the world in general. there are now more and more ways to construct narratives and bend lies into almost-truths. social media, ‘deepfakes’, clever editing: you can build yourself into whatever you want the world to see you as if you just have access to the right tools. and it isn’t just mysterio that’s indulging in deception here--so are the ‘good guys’. nick fury getting skrulls to impersonate him and other shield agents to handle missions on earth is a quieter, more insidious kind of unsettling. it’s a mode of deception that is so much more complete and effective than mysterio could ever dream of achieving: you are being lied to by your enemy, but perhaps it is the lies that are being told in the name of your protection that you must be truly wary of.

2.65. quentin beck walking around in a cgi suit while orchestrating and editing big, fake spectacles where a cgi-ed mysterio fights a cgi-ed monster? fucking. brilliant. i thought i would crawl out of my own skin with how fucking meta that was.

2.75. mysterio’s motivations aren’t entirely clear and his ‘toast’ to his team midway through the movie is one of the cheesiest infodumps i’ve seen on film, but jake gyllenhaal makes it all fucking work. there’s a seething, manic energy just bubbling under the surface, and he puts it to brilliant use. he had me totally sold on both his intent to kill peter dead and his grudging affection for the kid. few actors could’ve pulled this off like jake gylly.

3. aah, tony stark. we see iron man’s face multiple times through the movie, to the point where it’s less a tribute to the man and more a depiction of a spectre that’s haunting peter parker wherever he goes. he looms so large that honestly it seems like peter’s biggest battle here is fighting his legacy as iron man’s protege. 

while ensemble films like civil war and the avengers movies were content to let the tony/peter mentor/mentee relationship play out without bothering to interrogate it at all, having tony stark so integral to this universe’s peter parker’s origin story is something the solo spider-man movies have to grapple with. there was always going to be tension between tony’s sweeping, big-picture perspective and peter’s focus on being a friendly, neighbourhood hero; between tony as a symbol of the corporate elite and peter being relatable to the everyday, common man; between iron man in his ivory tower and peter painstakingly cutting holes in a sweatshirt in an apartment in Queens. both of spidey’s supervillains so far are born out of tony’s actions--and not even through a deliberate misstep, like creating ultron or trusting secretary ross. they are born out of callous indifference--people who fell to the wayside as tony stark’s corporate behemoth pushed on, oblivious. both toomes’ and beck’s anger is justified, even if what they choose to do with that anger is not. 

even when it comes to peter, tony is spot-on in his judgment of peter’s potential, sure, but there’s something awfully... glib in the way he thinks about peter’s life outside of being spider-man. bequeathing him EDITH is a shockingly irresponsible thing to do--and the decision nearly kills both peter and his friends multiple times! i know the saying goes, ‘with great power comes great responsibility’, but as mature as peter is, i don’t think anybody ought to be solely responsible for controlling a super-advanced AI that can summon drones and engage an entire planetary defence system. it’s bonkers, and something i absolutely believe tony stark would do.

so, yes--both homecoming and far from home have no choice but to deal with iron man’s legacy, but they also do a good job in showing how complicated that legacy is. another thing that the solo movies have to contend with from the ensemble films is the clear love and respect tony and peter have for each other--if in civil war peter was utterly starstruck, by infinity war and endgame he’d begun to see tony as a father-figure. their relationship struck among the most resonant emotional chords in both movies, and it would have been near-impossible to have peter interrogate his relationship with his just-deceased mentor in the light of all of that. so while the actual movies complicate and darken tony’s legacy, peter never gets to acknowledge any part of it, which is a pity.

(having iron man appear as an actual zombie in peter’s trippy mysterio-induced vision was a great touch, tho: the words ‘next iron man’ followed him through the movie not as a privilege but as a noose cinching closer and closer around his neck)

3.5. all of this aside, tho, i do feel like something vital about spider-man was lost forever when, lost and hurting and alone, peter could summon a private jet and build himself a new suit in tony’s fancy 3d printer. i realised when i was watching this that i’d been expecting peter to fashion a plan entirely out of his own ingenuity and determination, but this peter... has all of stark industries on call. 

4. tom holland’s peter is as charming as ever and i hope he gets to play him for as long as possible--it really does feel like peter’s still in the beginning stages of a very long and fruitful arc. here he’s traumatised and exhausted, pulled by the allure of avengers-level fame and pushed away by the burden and trauma that being an avenger truly entails. he’s wide-eyed and wholly likeable when he’s chilling with his friends or pining after mj, but his bone-deep exhaustion and grief and guilt shine through the cracks in his veneer at exactly the right moments. peter’s put through the wringer here, both emotionally and physically--and holland plays it all perfectly.

given how much is going on in this film, a surprising amount of time is devoted to peter and mj’s budding romance? and almost every second of it absolutely works?? their sweet, tentative kiss on the bridge after the climactic fight feels absolutely 100% earned, and i’m HERE to see them grow as a couple.

5. the fucking mid-credits scene, man. the entire theatre gasped as one, followed by excited chatter and scattered ‘oh my god’s as the end-credits rolled--i’ve never seen anything like it. this is an incredibly bold new direction for spider-man, and it hit me absolutely out of left-field. i can’t wait to see what happens next.

6. honestly, i could go on for longer, but i’m super-tired rn and need to re-organise my thoughts. ultimately far from home is a fascinating consequence of the burden of both extra and intra-textual legacies--funny, wild, and imaginative, but always aware that it can’t run too far away from all of its responsibilities.

[igotanidea]

Gritty - sweetbitter fanfiction sneak peak

Calling all the fans - it's coming :D - soon, really soon. So to ease the waiting - something to whet your appetite.

Enjoy and share.

masterlist

Chapter 1

Welcome to New York

12 years ago, September 1st

­- You are my best friend, you know – I said to a boy sitting next to me on the pier by the ocean in our favorite spot in Cape Cod. Since it was early Monday morning there was not a soul to be seen and we both loved this peace and calmness that comes with lack of people. The circumstances of our conversation was however a bit more saddening. -  Even if…

-What?

-Even if Simone tries to keep you away.

-She doesn’t keep me away. She just …. cares.

- Yeah, right.

-What?

-Nothing. I just… I know she is like a mother to you, but your relation is just … I don’t know…

- Are you jealous? – he squinted

- Really, Jake? Joking much? – I eyed him with serious look, shaking my head but he could see the smallest of smiles on my face – I care too, you know. Just in a different way. Don’t know if it’s better but that’s just how it is. More like watching from the distance.

- Like a predator. Waiting for a prey – he nudges me playfully – you are like a kestrel.

- That is an unusual comparison.

-Maybe – he shrugged- but it fits you. In a good way – he shifted towards me, now sitting with his one leg up his chest, the other stretched freely – you may seems quiet and distant but you are always there for those who need you. For me and I …. – he hesitated but never finished – never mind.So…. you’re leaving?

-I don’t want to . I don’t freaking want to. But, shit, I’m barely 15 and no one treats me seriously so what a girl can do?

-You could raise a rebellion. I would do that if I had a choice.

-Mhm, sure. And end up being grounded to the addition to the moving. It’s already hard as it is. – I went silent looking at the sea in front of us. The wind was flowing through my messy hair and I was trying my best to remember everything about the place where I grew up and about the person I cared about. Jake. And Simone, but that was a bit more complicated story.

-I don’t want you to go – he muttered barely audible looking at the ground for some reason avoiding my gaze.

-I know,Tri, I’m scared. Everything will be new there. I don’t know if I will fit in. I mean, New York? The buzzing city? The “concrete jungle where dreams are made of”? This is some serious shit.   – my voice was flat, but we both had this sort of connection where we knew the hidden emotions. We knew each other since we were 8 and Jake lost his mother, and spending a lot of time together we kind of learnt how to read each other. However, this bond never got a chance to turn into something more serious and the reason behind it ….

- There you are! – a tall blonde girl emerged from behind causing both of us to jump. Up till now I didn’t even realize that we so close to each other. She slid in the space between us and with a widest smile started talking – everyone has been looking for you, Mackie. And I was worried about you, Jake.

- Simone – I nod my head towards her. We were some sort of friends but I always knew deep inside me that she was hiding something. I had my suspicions about it too, but never really confronted either Jake or Simone about it. When I tried they were just shutting me off and I never wanted that.

-We are fine, Simone – Jake abruptly stood up and leaned over the barrier. Now he was up while me and Simone were sitting next to each other. – We were just talking.

-About what? – she shook her head and her perfect hair waved.

-Mackie’s moving to the big city.

-Oh, yes. We are going to miss you, Mackie, truly. You are our best friend after all. Besides, we would still call and text each other, right? And talk on Skype. We have so many possibilities.

-Sure. Sure Simone. Every day. I would not accept anything else – I agreed looking at her – sure as hell won’t let you get rid of me so easily.

-I’m counting on that – Simone moved closer and hugged me – I’m really, really sorry this had to happen to you.

- Having a lawyer father and a mother that got a job at NYU I should have seen that coming – I sighed letting the girl hold me. It was surprisingly comforting. – Anyway, I’m cold. Shall we had back?

-Sure. There is some hot tea and snacks at home. And maybe we will get a taste of the wine that has been growing in the cellar. Help me up, Jake? – she stuck her hand and Jake lifted her. – Let’s go – she took the boy by one arm and me by the other and we walked towards the house.

@pinksirensong @meganmayhem89 @anastacia-lynn

Tag list is always open!

[theprocrastinatingalien]

Casting The Batman

Director Matt Reeves said in a Q&A that he expects THE BATMAN to start production at the end of this year.  Now that's still quite a way off, but for that to happen a few things need to happen... like casting.

It's be confirmed that Ben Affleck has stepped away from the Batcave, and we're now looking at a new actor putting on the cowl.

Firstly, we need to asses... is Reeves' Batflick part of the DCEU, or does it stand aside, like the upcoming JOKER movie starring Joaquin Phoenix, despite the fact Jared Leto is expected to carry on as the Clown Prince of Crime within the shared universe.

Why is this important?  Well, Whilst Affleck is going off, that doesn't mean the supporting characters have to change cast, especially if it's in the shared universe.   Particular roles are in place.  Jeremy Irons as played Alfred in two movies now, and JK Simmons popped up in the JUSTICE LEAGUE as Commissioner James Gordon.   Either of those actors could continue.  Even if this movie is in the past.  Sure a younger actor in either part may make sense, but CAPTAIN MARVEL just proved you can do a whole film with nifty de-aging effects (Samuel L Jackson's Nick Fury).

Whilst I will, naturally, look towards who could be cast in supporting (and villainous) roles, right now we're going to focus on the big issue.  Who should play Batman?

Below are a list of different actors who I've seen suggested, or am suggesting myself, that could end up as the next Dark Knight. I've included a variety of ages too... just covering the bases.

KARL URBAN

This one was an obvious inclusion. Before Affleck was announced, Urban was my (and seemingly half the internet) top choice.  Probably best known currently as Dr McCoy in the new age STAR TREK movies, he also appeared as DREDD, and more recently played Skurge in THOR: RAGNAROK over in the MCU.  He's around the same age as Affleck (both born in 1972), so this would be more of a direct recast, but a popular one I believe.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Urg.  No.  This would annoy me... but a major rumour recently was that the TWILIGHT star was in talks for Bruce Wayne and his alter ego.  To be honest, it wouldn't be the WORST casting in the DCEU (Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, anyone?) and I would still give the guy a go.  It's just not a casting I'd be excited about. With Pattinson we'd have a Batman in his early 30s.

ARMIE HAMMER

The funny thing with this one... it was basically reported that Hammer had got the job.  The actor had to debunk the casting himself.  There's quite a fanbase for the actor to get this role, and to be fair, he had once been attached to a Batman role in the past, when he was cast as Bruce Wayne in a defunct JUSTICE LEAGUE movie.   Still, whilst the actor said nobody (in power) had talked to him, the media buzz may have brought him to the attention of Reeves... so I wouldn't rule out this casting entirely.   I'd certainly prefer it to Pattinson.  Both actors are the same actor as 32.

AIDAN TURNER

This Irish actor is very popular with the ladies (good for Bruce Wayne) and was a sheer highlight as vampire Mitchell in BEING HUMAN (the UK series)… He's currently the heartthrob lead in POLDARK, and was the heartthrob dwarf Kili in THE HOBBIT trilogy.   And whilst there probably has been a lot of onus on his looks, he just happens to be a really good actor, and in his mid 30s, I believe shouldn't be dismissed as a potential Batman (or Bond!).

TARON EGERTON

Now, this wouldn't be an ideal choice, but I'm throwing it in there.  Egerton's currently 29, so the youngest on my list at this point, and he's making quite a name for himself.  I think his best qualification for Batman is his role in the KINGSMAN franchise, but he also recently played ROBIN HOOD.  He's possibly a little on the short side for Batman, and whilst he has the physicality for the role, I don't think he's the best fit for Bruce Wayne.  However, I would definitely put him near the top of a NIGHTWING list.  As Dick Grayson does become Batman at some point, I thought it'd be fair to include him on here.

K J APA

Apa's the youngest person on this list at 21. If I'm honest, I'm not sure he quite has the charisma for Bruce Wayne, and he feels a little young for Bats, but that might be what Reeves is looking for.  Apa is Archie, the lead character in RIVERDALE, and he does get to play detective - which plays into comments Reeves has made.

KIT HARINGTON

Funnily enough, I was actually going to include Harington's onscreen brother Richard Madden, from GAME OF THRONES but I've switched it.  Harington certainly has the broody look down.  We all know how Batman likes to brood, and with GoT coming to an end, Kit's probably looking for a new high-profile acting gig.  THE BATMAN wouldn't be a bad way to go.  Not sure how people would take to this casting though, I'm not sure how the actor is perceived in the public eye. Agewise, he's inline with the likes of Pattinson and Hammer.

LIAM NEESON

I said, I'd be cover all the bases, and this one's going the other way, with an older actor. Liam Neeson is 66.   He's already been a part of the Batworld, featuring in THE DARK KNIGHT trilogy as villain R'as Al Ghul. But what if we turned that around and made him the big man himself.  Casting Zeus, Aslan and Qui-Gon Jinn as Batman works for me!

JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN

Okay, so this is not a clear-cut choice... but I'm throwing it out there anyway.  Morgan played Thomas Wayne in the opening scenes of BATMAN V SUPERMAN.   We know that there's an upcoming move (supposedly) based on FLASHPOINT, and in that, rather than Bruce becoming Batman, his father does instead.  What if the DCEU are clever and tie this alternative reality into the cast change... handing the cowl over to Morgan.  Personally I like it.  Recasting Batman without recasting Bruce Wayne.  Morgan is in his 50s, and currently plays the violent Negan in THE WALKING DEAD.

BRAD PITT

No, really.  Like Morgan, Pitt is in his 50's, but he's still got that good-looking, swagger (perfect for an aging Bruce), and he'd be a pretty commercial choice I think. Plus, Pitt is a pretty decent actor.  He'd be able to display a few different facets for the caped crusader, and might be able to channel that dark SEVEN vibe, tying in with Matt Reeves'  noir detective tale.

Now, I should probably start wrapping this list up.   I've already listed 10, but there's still two more I think deserve a mention.  One positive, one negative. 

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Now, you're probably expecting Jake to be the positive, but no.  I do not like the idea of him playing Batman.  He's not right for the role.  So why am I including him now?   Gyllenhaal was a possible casting way back when Christian Bale was cast.  As were Joshua Jackson and Wes Bentley.   I'd actually rather Bentley get given the shot of any of them, but Jake gets the mention because apparently Matt Reeves may have his eye on him.   I'm not against JG as an actor, in fact I'm looking forward to his turn as Mysterio in SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME over at the MCU.  I just don't think he'd be *my* Batman if he were to be cast.

Which leaves us with...

OSCAR ISAAC

I saw Isaac's name pop up on another list, and you know what... I wouldn't mind it.  I wouldn't have thought of him myself,  He's half Guatemalan, half Cuban, which would add ethnicity to the character that had typically been played by straight up white American or Brits, with being as controversial as, say casting Idris Elba (who, incidentally has joined the DCEU as Deadshot, replacing Will Smith).  Isaac is suave enough to play Bruce, and intense enough to play Batman.  He's a good actor, and now has quite a following thanks to his part in the current STAR WARS trilogy.  Of the twelve candidates listed here, he's definitely up the top end for me.

It would have been quite easy to fall in with listing every dark-haired furrow-browed actor in Hollywood, but I tried to streamline the list a little.  Personally for me, my tick rests near Urban still, although I accept it's unlikely.   It's going to be interesting to see who they do go with in the end.  There was a lot of negativity against Affleck's casting, but I think most can agree he's been a highlight of the DCEU.

Whoever get's cast, will be filling the shoes of  Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Christian Bale and Affleck.   Soon, I'll also be looking at the supporting cast - including an actor I almost included here as a potential Batman, but then realised I'd love to see him as a Riddler...

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Shazam! (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: This is my spoiler review for Shazam! released the weekend after the movie’s initial release on April 5 so if you haven’t yet seen the movie, go and see it and then come back and read on.

Characters:

Billy Batson/Shazam:

So let’s start with our main character(s) and I will start with Asher Angel’s Billy Batson because I can’t really talk about Zachary Levi’s Shazam without first talking about the origin of how he came to be.

As I said in my non-spoiler review, I thought Asher Angel got off to a very rocky start. I am guessing “Holy Moley” is Billy’s catchphrase because both he and Shazam said it quite a lot in this movie. However when the first words you hear the movie’s hero say are “Holy moley! It’s the boys in blue!” you do question what kind of movie this is.

I did like his actions of tricking the cops into that shop and locking them in so he could try and find a woman with the surname Batson in their car...but I just how it was executed from the dialogue to that very childish waving played a little bit too kid-like than Billy or Shazam are supposed to be.

Although the fact he is a kid in the foster system was very tastefully handled and didn’t detour away from the hard-hitting reality of what growing up in the system is like.

Similar to the 2009 movie Hotel for Dogs starring Emma Roberts and Jake T. Austin as brother and sister in the system and wanting to remain together no matter where they end up. Don Cheadle plays one of his better roles there as the social worker who like Andi Osho here is very realistic in saying “If you keep running away, eventually it will become impossible to place you”. Very well handled and I am impressed a movie this comedic and light goes there.

Now when Billy moves in with the foster family that houses the other kids of the Shazam! family, something about Asher’s performance really makes Billy fade away and the attention is focused on literally everyone else. I think the main problem for this movie will be Asher Angel because even in promotions it’s Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer doing the rounds.

I did like the growth of him accepting the foster family as his new family. He started off very cagey, was fixated on the idea he wasn’t going to stay there so didn’t want Darla to get attached which made her feel sad and how he didn’t join in with the family dinner tradition of “all hands in”.

But then when he finally tracked down his mother, which by the way I found interesting that Billy had gone I think from state to state or city to city yet somehow ended up in the same state or city as his mother all those years later, that realization that his mother is a waste of space and accepting that the foster family are his true family was touching.

This is, by a mile, my favourite performance of Zachary Levi’s. Shazam as a character in live-action was every bit as funny and child-like as I have seen him in animation.

That child-like wonder of discovering he had superpowers and learning how to deal with them was very good, the fact he appeared as an adult so could buy beer but still being a child not having a taste for it so swapped it out for candy and sugary drinks was very funny.

But then of course you have the line of “With great power comes great responsibility” which yes isn’t a Shazam or DC line but does come into effect as Shazam is using his lightning powers mainly to charge phones and put on a show, but when it comes to saving people he does go through that ordeal of not knowing what to do and simply succeeding by luck.

I thought the Shazam suit was very well realized despite what we have seen in promotions, I’m still not a fan of the cape and I like the comments about it in the movie. I think it’s either one of those things that works better in animation or the choice in design they went with for the movie just made it look like a bath towel but something didn’t translate well for me.

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I do not believe Shazam was ever called Shazam in this movie. I mean yes there was that great line in the climax of the film when Billy’s foster siblings became the Shazam family and Shazam himself instructed them on how to become them but rather than saying Shazam originally they said “Billy!” and so he said “No not my name, the name that turns me into this guy” it was funny.

Obviously they can’t use the character’s original name of Captain Marvel because 1) There is a small independent movie that just passed $1 Billion at the box office with the same name and of course the name is literally the name of DC’s rival studio.

I had fun with the character and I genuinely look forward to seeing where this character goes next.

Dr. Sivana:

Mark Strong finally comes good as a supervillain and I could not be happier for him. I really like this actor, I think he is an incredible working actor just trying to have that one breakthrough role that grabs audience attention and I believe Dr. Sivana is that role.

I enjoyed the movie starting with his origin, because of course behind every great superhero is a great supervillain, and Mark Strong as Dr. Sivana is a fantastic supervillain.

His father being John Glover was a very nice surprise for me both as a Smallville fan and just a John Glover fan in general. Yes he played a kind of Frankenstein-esk villain in Batman and Robin but his turn as Lionel Luthor in Smallville and even Sylar’s father in Heroes were two great roles for the character. Also he is the voice of The Riddler in Batman: The Animated Series so he clearly has a lot of weight at DC.

When young Thad goes to Shazam’s lair and is tempted by the seven deadly sins before being banished by Shazam, I thought it was a great precursor for what is to come.

I loved how from being a child he dedicated his life to finding his way back to the lair to obtain the power and that took I think 44/45 years, if we’re talking “present day” when it’s clearly Christmas in April, was dedication and I loved how in this instance it wasn’t the villain created because of the hero.

Being empowered by the Seven Deadly Sins, who by the way the promotional trail kept really secret. I mean I didn’t know about the Seven Deadly Enemies of Man from the comics but obviously even atheists know about the seven deadly sins and portraying them in these rather creative demon styles was a lot of fun.

I also found it brilliant that he never released the seventh deadly sin Envy until he had no choice because if all seven left him he would simply be mortal and vulnerable, I thought at one point he was going to mutate into Envy because of how he was envious he wasn’t worthy of the power of Shazam yet a child was but I was wrong.

Dr. Sivana, as I said in my non-spoiler review, is the best supervillain portrayal since Heath Ledger’s Joker. This guy was dark, brutal and was not afraid to kill or threaten anybody - Man, woman, child, elderly, infant...anybody!

Mark Strong could have very easily gone down the Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor in Superman Returns route particularly when he had the foster siblings hostage at their house but he was still scary and threatening.

He never broke character either, there was never one moment where he was a goofy villain or let himself play to the goofiness of the hero. The best laugh he got was in the Deadpool-like scene where he and Shazam were in the air...very far away from each other and Sivana was threatening Shazam but Shazam couldn’t hear him yet he was still talking. Yet it was never played as Sivana being incompetent or goofy as he was still menacing.

Foster Family/Shazam! Family:

Alright so I am going to go through the foster kids in order of my favourites still but just to talk about them as a whole, I thought once again this was a great example of diversity within a comic-book movie. To play up the fact that a foster family can be made up of different ethnicities was another realistic touch in portraying how the foster system works.

Darla Dudley:

Darla was my favourite out of the kids and Faithe Herman is the breakout star of this movie. She was cute for a start, this girl was adorable, you could easily see why she was picked for fostering/adoption because she is that cute.

However, she is a great example of looks being deceiving because this girl may be cute but she is sassy and she knows how to work a room. From keeping the secret that Billy is Shazam to playing up the little sister angle. Her reaction when the other kids found out that Billy was Shazam was great because she was so giddy that she didn’t spill the secret it was just so adorable.

When she was gifted her superpowers and became an adult, I thought Meegan Good kept up Faithe Herman’s cuteness but plussed it into the vision of what Darla sees herself being as an adult. She had the same kind of look and had a side-ponytail curl rather than bunches, her power, because each kid was granted one of Shazam’s powers while he as Billy has all of them, was the Speed of Mercury and it was great to see a female speedster in the movies, because at the moment they’re all on the small screen and mainly on The Flash with the Flash Family.

I look forward to seeing how Darla progresses as a character and, to be honest, care about her more than Billy at this point.

Freddy Freeman:

Jack Dylan Grazer was basically as good here as he was as Ritchie in It but the difference is the genre because while in a horror setting it is all very intense and, as someone who isn’t a horror fan myself, I am always on the edge of my seat that there isn’t really time to convey a lighter performance, here Freddy was simply a comic-book geek and I found that very relatable.

I loved the fact that it was either every day or every other scene that Freddy had a different logo t-shirt from the Justice League members and the main heroes so far established in the DCEU, even Wonder Woman which I found to be very forward-thinking of the director to have a guy wear a Wonder Woman t-shirt.

The only thing I didn’t like about Freddy was the fact he became almost a user and exploiter when it came to Billy’s newfound powers and apparent celebrity status.

I get Freddy uses a crutch and gets bullied for it, but I don’t see why that means he automatically say “I know the superhero” without at least asking Billy if it was okay first.

To then make a fool of both him and Shazam while he’s putting on that lightning show was stupid and selfish both because it makes it hard for Shazam to present himself as a reliable superhero but also how exactly do you explain Freddy having such a relationship with Shazam that he feels confident in just calling him out like that.

My funniest moment from Freddy was in that, now overplayed, convenience store scene where you had those thugs come in and Freddy convince Shazam to stand up to them while he’s recording it and, after the discovery that his suit is at least bulletproof, Freddy saying “We need to try the head”...the fact Freddy is essentially directing a robbery is quite funny.

When Freddy became Adam Brody, admittedly I at first did not recognize him. I know Adam Brody TV guest appearances from over 10 years ago so I guess puberty hit or something but he both looked and sounded completely different.

Other Three:

The other three kids really blend into the background for me with maybe one or two moments to shine yet they never do.

Eugene had a funny introduction of being a gamer nerd who, when his dad tells him it’s night said “When did it become night?”. Again I can relate to that.

Pedro had an interesting line of dialogue when the kids came out of the strip club after Shazam teleports them all there and he says “It’s not really for me”, which is either just Pedro not being a meatheaded hetero and trying to be more mature but also could be a sign the character will be an LGBT character.

Mary, was bland as bran flakes. She had one interesting scene, surprisingly in the trailer, where Shazam saves her and she mentions something about college but that is never mentioned again.

Overall I do like this group of kids for what they represent, but I hope the sequel does develop them further and give them something more to do.

Worlds of DC:

Alright so because the Worlds of DC has seemingly been taken literal here, as I do not see Shazam! as a movie really fitting in with the likes of Wonder Woman or Aquaman and rather in it’s own world within the DC Movies. Having said  that, I am open for the movies going forward to prove me wrong.

Post-Credits Scenes:

This is where I get completely lost and had to do further research because the mid-credits scene saw a now depowered Dr. Sivana...so glad they didn’t kill him off...incarcerated. But then we have this weird caterpillar thing somehow talking to him through a voice box about conquering the seven realms.

It did lead to intruge for me, as I said was curious who the bug was and knew he had been in the movie at the start in the Rock of Eternity but then broke out later.

Apparently his name is Mister Mind and he is a Venusian worm with powerful mental abilities including mind control and hypnosis.

It’s a little bit of a hard-sell when the rest of the movie was so dark, particularly to have Dr. Sivana go from such a brilliant villain to possibly just a puppet, but we shall see.

The very end-credits scene is again a bit of a throwaway but it is Freddy and Shazam testing more of Shazam’s powers, this time seeing if he could control fish which Shazam says is a stupid and useless power but Freddy makes a brilliant in-universe joke to the fact Aquaman did that with style in his movie. Maybe alluding to the fact that this world is separate to the rest...I don’t know.

Overall I rate this movie a solid 8/10, I had a lot of fun with it, I thought Mark Strong and Faithe Herman were definitely my MVPs of the movie and I thought Zachary Levi did a great job at being him but also trying to level up as he was in a mainstream superhero movie.

So that’s my spoiler review of Shazam! What did you guys think? Share your comments and check out more DC Movie Reviews as well as other Movie Reviews and posts.