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thepaintedlady00 · 1 year ago

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Nightshade

Chapter 23 | Chapter 25

TW: As always: language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, smoking, sex, general mature themes. We've got some Tony in this chapter, some clear violations of the law and personal property/privacy, Simone's back (...yaaaaayyy), I'm gonna blue ball y'all just one more time with the big conversation our two idiots gotta have, another painting, some mentions of grooming, Lena's not in the mood for any of the shit this chapter, Jake's being the good "friend" he is. Some lies get told, and finally our dummies have THE conversation but also not really xD Enjoy!

Chapter 24: Burn the Ice

The morning chill stung his face as he exited the car - a reminder that the snow could start any day now. With calm, leisurely steps his fine leather shoes echoed amongst the chaos of the city. It was loud and crowded and smelt like cheap street vendor food. Disgusting, he thought to himself, glaring at the slouched-back people running the dirty stalls for a minute before starting up the steps.

Her building was old and smelt of mold, something he couldn't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction about. It was obvious she wasn't living as well as she had been with him. The landlord gave him a wide-eyed look, one he was well accustomed to - the style of the rich was always something poor people gawked at - but all he did was smile that charming smile and offer the old man a wave as he made his way past.

At the door he let the others do their work, patiently drumming his fingers along the hard cover of the sketchbook while they did. The door made a loud creaking noise as it opened. “Wait here. I won't be long.”

The faint smells of cleaning materials and dust filled his nose. She'd been staying here less and less the closer the cold months got. A lingering trauma that made her unconsciously cling to that pathetic family of hers. A trauma he felt a burning frustration and an undoubtable swell of pride whenever he recalled it. Running his fingers along her countertop, looking at the living room filled with paintings she'd done after slipping away, Tony allowed himself a rare moment of quiet.

In that quiet Tony breathed in the faint smell of her cherry perfume with a grimace. He'd always hated that smell, hated the tiny fruit in general. But, he admired the malice behind it… The choice to douse herself in it was one clearly made to slight him. She could do nothing without thinking of him, even if it was in anger, for now, Tony enjoyed the simple fact that Lena still thought of him every day. It was a testament to a larger, even more satisfying truth.

This sad, pathetic little life she'd scrounged together was nothing without him.

Jules’ heavy footsteps intruded on his quiet, but he did so with respect so Tony would allow it. “He's coming this way.”

“How long?”

“Four minutes.”

“Good.” Right on schedule.

Tony set the sketchbook back on the counter and pulled the lovely orange flower from his breast pocket giving it a sniff before setting it on top of the book. Jules handed him the envelope with her name neatly printed in his decadent handwriting. “We'll see each other soon, my Lena.”

Jules had timed it perfectly, as he always did, right as Tony stepped out the door onto the steps of Lena's apartment the old biker turned onto the street. His eyes grew wide in terror and rage as he spotted him. Perfect. With a wide grin, Tony lifted his hand and offered them a wave before he slid into his limousine. “Take us home, driver. We're done here for today.”

A sweet smell filled Jake’s nose as he rolled onto his stomach, arm draping over the warm body lying beside him. The sweet, fruity, decadent aroma was one he recognized in mere seconds. Cherries. He happily buried his nose in that smell. Lena.

He cracked an eye open, catching that heavenly glimpse of the sun hitting her hair just right making it glow like fire. Pretty as that was, it paled in comparison to the sight of her bare back peeking out from beneath his covers. Her skin was soft as silk beneath the tips of his fingers as he lazily traced the snake tattoo.

The warm fuzziness that filled his chest made every touch, every smell, and sound feel almost dreamlike. He would have thought this was just another dream like he had the first time he woke up to her in his bed, but the sensations were too defined to just be his imagination. That and he felt so damn tired from the long night he'd spent in the throes of such physical activities.

With a pleased sigh, Jake recalled all the ways they'd made up for wasted time. He could still taste the sweetness of Lena's lips, still feel her soft skin rubbing so deliciously against his own. If he closed his eyes again he was sure he'd see the heavenly image of her moving on top of him. It was seared into his mind now just like his name felt forever changed now that he'd heard it on her lips as she came apart beneath him. The hickeys on his neck and the faint marks left by her fingernails clawing at his back would be more obvious things to remind him that last night had been real. Those marks would fade in a week or two unless he let her give him more, which he gladly would.

Lena had taken her time with him, kissing him, teasing him, working him so expertly he'd actually struggled not to come prematurely. She was just as talented as she'd built herself up to be and he felt like a damn fool for ever even doubting her. As if she needed more added to the list of all her perfections now she could add being the best he'd ever had.

She was vocal, not just in expressing her pleasure but in encouraging his own. No matter how hard he thought Jake couldn't remember ever feeling as satisfied during or after sex in his life. In between the three rounds of their newfound intense passions, Jake found himself… Present. Usually after an orgasm or two, he'd just fall asleep not caring if his partner did the same or not, but with her, he felt awake… Alive.

They spent just as much time talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company as they had tangled in his sheets. They ate, drank, and played with their cat whenever the little creature slinked from his hiding place. It all felt natural and oddly intimate and, for better or worse, Jake enjoyed it.

Physical intimacy was something he'd always excelled at. Flirting, foreplay, all of it came naturally to him. Jake had spent his fair share of time between the legs of beautiful women but Lena was something else entirely. Something new. Being with her made him feel like his pleasure - he - mattered just as much as hers. It was a concept he'd never truly understood, let alone experienced until now.

Ever since he could remember Simone - women in general - had told him exactly what they wanted from him. Touch me. Kiss me. Fuck me. Faster. Slower. Harder. They told him how to please them and he listened. It was a good time for all parties, but deep down Jake always felt that sting of emptiness. It’d been more about following their orders than it had been about just getting to enjoy the moment. He felt used… Like he'd only been good for a quick fuck and nothing else.

Normally Jake would have swallowed that feeling and forced himself to move… To physically shake off the very thought of it. He'd busy his mind with reading or mundane tasks like showering or cleaning. He'd build up the wall between him and whoever he'd fucked the night before - distance himself from feeling anything at all. Right about now, Jake should have been justifying his dickish, asshole behavior by repeating the words Simone had said to him since he could remember. This is who you are, love. You're just not built for ordinary people.

Ordinary people turned out to be everyone. Everyone but Simone. And now… Maybe… Lena.

He never truly understood how powerful feelings like this could be. He never knew that one person - even one as perfect as her - was capable of making him feel like an entirely different person. Jake felt more like himself, a self he barely even knew any more than he had in practically his entire life. He let the peaceful silence and that warm feeling in his chest stay as he curled further into the back of his sleeping redhead.

It wasn't until Hemingway climbed over both their legs, shimmying beneath the curtains and pushing them open to further blind him with sunlight that Jake truly woke up. Pleased with his work the cat proudly pranced across the pillows to stare down at him with an impatient and demanding meow. He couldn't help but chuckle as Hemingway slapped his forehead with a fleshy paw. Lena mumbled something in her sleep, burrowing her face in his blanket with a happy sigh that practically drowned out the cat's noise. God, he wanted to wake her up and kiss her, feel her, fuck her until they were both too exhausted to continue.

After laying in bed for a minute longer - until Hemingway was on the verge of exploding - he slowly slid out of the sheets and stretched his tense back out with a quiet groan. Briefly glancing over his shoulder to make sure that he hadn't woken her, Jake slid on a pair of pants picked his shirt up off the floor, and dished up Hemingway’s food with a quiet scold, “There, was that so hard to wait for?”

He cleaned up the remnants of the night, tossing the now nubs of melted wax in the trash and putting the leftover oyster shells in his sink. When he moved to put the champagne in his fridge he was bitterly reminded of how little food he had. Shit. He set the champagne back on the counter, closing the fridge to look back at the bed. Did he really want to have the conversation in some overcrowded, too-loud diner?

The thought sat in his mind for a second as a list of possible interruptions made him shake his head. Nope. He wasn't going to risk not talking about this any longer because of anything. Maybe that Chinese is still good? Nope. Jake may have been lazy but even he was above serving month-old Chinese food for breakfast.

Jake knew Lena wouldn't care about where they ate breakfast, but he didn't want to risk anything going wrong. Besides, Lena deserved a proper breakfast. He wanted her to know that he'd thought about this. That he was ready - willing - to put his best foot forward. Jake wanted to show Lena that this wasn't just a one-night stand and that he wasn't going to vanish now that he'd finally fucked her. More than anything he wanted her to see how much last night, she, meant to him.

He quietly put on his shoes and grabbed his keys and wallet. Writing her a quick note, he set it on his pillow and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder. I'll be back before she even wakes up, he reassured himself as he turned and headed out the front door. The diner by his house would be open. It may not have been the best food, but it'd have to do.

I'm definitely going grocery shopping tomorrow. When Lena spent the night again, he'd be ready.

I woke to an abrupt slap to the center of my forehead followed by a loud, demanding meow directly in my ear. The silhouette of Hemingway's pointed ears was all I could see as he stood in front of the sunlit window. “Good morning to you too.”

Another demanding meow was the creature's only reply as I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. Hemingway jumped off the bed the second I'd sleepily rolled over to throw my arms around the body that should have been beside mine but wasn't. A nervous, gut-wrenching pit filled my stomach as I patted the empty mattress. “Jake?”

No answer.

“Jake?” I called out just a bit louder as I held the blanket to my naked chest and sat up in his bed, looking around his now-empty apartment.

The bathroom door was open and the shower was off. His kitchen was empty, although cleaner than it had been when we'd finally fallen asleep. There weren't many places one could hide in an apartment as small and open as his. I shifted slightly, fingers brushing against a thin piece of paper on his pillow.

Relax Princess, I just ran to grab us some breakfast. Should only be ten or fifteen minutes. Make yourself comfortable and DO NOT feed the cat again no matter how much he meows at you!

Air filled my lungs and my body relaxed back into Jake's soft sheets. He was safe. I was safe. Everything was alright.

For how long though? When he returned we'd have to finally have that discussion. The discussion. I'd need to have answers - need to admit just how much I'd fallen for him. The very thought of looking into his stupid, beautiful eyes and pouring my heart out to him made me feel dizzy.

Would he feel the same now that he'd achieved his original goal? Would Jake still want me as much as I still wanted him? And how much did I want him? How far had I really fallen since the start?

Too far. Was the only answer I could admit to. I was naked in his apartment. I had slept with him in his bed. I was waking up with the cat we'd both unofficially adopted. There was no denying it. I was hopelessly, pathetically, irreparably in this - whatever this was. There was no going back to how things were before, not when all I could think about was just how perfect Jake's lips felt on mine and how amazing last night had been.

Sex was nothing new. It was something I'd had a lot of experience in, good and bad. I knew all the steps, all the moves, and still last night had taken me by surprise. Sex with Jake had been… different. It was unlike every other sexual experience I’d had.

I often had to find ways to keep myself in the moment, something that got easier the more I was with someone or the more time had passed. But, with Jake, I was just there. I didn't need to remind myself to breathe. I didn't need to force my body to relax and repeat his name to remind myself whose hands were touching me.

It was fun, exciting and intimate. Instead of feeling that shameful disgust, the one I needed to tell myself wasn't real, I felt at peace. There hadn't been a single moment when we were tangled together that I’d felt anything but completely and utterly cherished. I felt safe, unburdened by all the shit that'd been complicating even the simplest things in my life. Last night nothing else mattered, nothing but us.

Us. It was a word that made my lips quirk up in a smile. Us was simple. Us was what I wanted. And us was ultimately what I was most afraid of.

There were just so many ways it could all go wrong. I could fuck it up. He could fuck it up. We could both collectively fuck it all up. And then what? We'd just have to go about our lives working together, seeing each other every day, watching each other meet new people, and moving on? Even just the possibility of seeing Jake with anyone else made me feel sick.

No, I thought sadly. We're in too deep for that. I couldn't live without Jake. His asshole attitude and his smart mouth, his smile, his laugh, he was entwined in my life now in a way I couldn't undo even if I tried. So, the choice was already made. I'd - we’d -make it work. No matter what I had to do to keep this from falling apart - to keep him in my life - I'd do it.

After surviving another round of Hemingway's desperate attempts to convince me to feed him, I was out of Jake's bed staring at the sulking cat as I searched for Jake's dresser. “Hitting me doesn't change the fact that you already ate!”

He hissed.

“You better watch that attitude,” I replied. “Or I won't sneak you any of my breakfast when Jake gets back.”

Hemingway’s eyes narrowed and with a moment of consideration before he rubbed himself against my feet. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”

As respectfully as I could, I searched Jake's drawers until I found his clothes. While they were kind of baggy on me, it was better than walking around in his blanket all morning. Besides, I enjoyed the way they smelt like him and felt softer against my skin than my own clothes had.

My eyes trailed along his shelves, taking a more in-depth look at his books and pictures and odds and ends that he'd saved over the years. There was so much history in his space. So many things that had been saved for a reason I couldn't know just by looking at him. Curiosity swelled in me, my mind running wild with all the possible reasons he'd held onto things. For the first time in a long time I wanted to ask questions and get closer to someone. I wanted to listen to him tell me every story and every detail about his life before I entered. I wanted to know every piece of him.

My fingers traced one of the seashells as his front door opened and he stepped inside with a bag from some diner. His eyes instantly found me, that shimmer in them making me blush and my heart soar. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he replied, clearing his throat. “Sorry, I was gone so long.”

“It's no problem,” I answered, watching his eyes take in the clothes I now wore. “I… Uh… borrowed some of your clothes. I hope that's okay.”

As he set the bag down his eyes continued to roam down my body, that sinful smirk answering me long before his words did. “That's fine, though I was looking forward to coming back to a beautiful naked woman.”

“If you'd been quicker you woulda gotten that,” I teased. “I just barely got dressed.”

He clicked his tongue. “Damn. Maybe next time.”

Definitely next time, I thought as my mind played through all the new possibilities available to us now that we’d crossed the threshold. Clearing my throat, I moved to stand next to him as he unpacked the food, distractedly watching his hands for a second before asking, “What's for breakfast?”

“The works. Bacon, eggs, sausage, waffles,” he watched my nose scrunch up and chuckled before pulling a box out of the bag and setting it in front of me. “Don't worry, I got you pancakes.”

“You remembered,” I replied, eagerly opening it to the smell of the sweet stacks. “I'm impressed.”

With a shrug, Jake shooed the cat away and leaned back against the counter. “Don't be. It's not like it was a big secret.”

We both took a few tentative bites before neither of us could contain our nerves anymore. “So-”

“We-”

Chucking at one another's interruptions I nodded to him. “You go first.”

Jake watched me, the ocean in his eyes rolling with tense waves and anticipation. “Well, I guess now's as good a time as any for us to talk about last night… and the ones before.”

Don't freak out, I told myself. Just be honest. “Yeah, things have been… Interesting… between us lately.”

“Good interesting?” He asked with a cocky grin, taking a step closer to me.

I nodded, “Great interesting. Right?”

“Right.”

“So…” The words caught in my throat as Jake took one last step closer, putting us chest to chest.

His breath, slightly sweet smelling, rolled across my face. “So…”

“I… I want t-” The front door swung open and the head of blonde hair made my teeth snap shut in anger.

Simone stood in the open doorway, that red-lipped mouth hanging open in shock for a moment before it closed. Jake turned, brows furrowed and the tension between us quickly shifted into just tension. “...Simone?”

She smiled at him, quickly with no sincerity before she looked me up and down and nodded to herself. “Lena. What a surprise.”

I bit my tongue and simply nodded at her while my eyes scanned the floor for my shoes. Jake watched Hemingway dart to his hiding place before returning his attention to the new interruption. “How was your trip?”

The mood soured further as Simone just shook her head, her eyes wide with rage and the smile on her lips quickly shifting into a sneer. “Oh, it was just fantastic. I always love dealing with my mother alone.”

Time to go. I knew if I stayed for even another sentence Jake would be pulling me off Simone and everything between us would be stained with chunks of blonde hair and blood. I may have been able to see her for what she was, but Jake wasn’t and an attack on her - physical or otherwise - would effectively jeopardize everything I had or may have had with Jake. I pushed my hair behind my ears and hastily grabbed my things, quickly pulling on my shoes. “I should go.”

“You…” Jake started to protest, but quickly thought better of trying to keep Simone and I in a room together for longer than necessary. “We can finish this later.”

With a nod I pressed a soft kiss to his lips and forced myself to smile through the disappointment in an attempt to show him I was still ready to have the talk whenever we could find the time. “See you at work.”

“Yeah,” he answered softly, breathing out a slightly relieved sigh. “See you at work.”

As I turned I held Simone's glare, telling her without any words that she wasn't getting rid of me so easily. I grabbed the champagne bottle off the counter and slid out of Jake's apartment, closing the door behind me. The entire walk to Quinn’s I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat and kept repeating positive thoughts to keep myself from crying out of sheer frustration.

I let myself in, setting the champagne on the table next to Quinn and Ari who just looked at me in confusion. “Good morning?”

“Yeah… Morning or whatever,” I replied flopping onto Quinn's couch and melting into the cushions.

“Long night?”

“Was it bad?” Ari asked, practically jumping up from the table. “I didn't think Jake could fumble the bag when sex was involved.”

“Simoneshowedup,” I grumbled into the cushions.

Quinn settled on the arm of the couch. “Say again?”

Lifting my head I turned and glared at her. “We fucked. A lot. It was great and then right when we were about to have the talk Simone just invited herself in.”

Both Ari and Quinn's mouths formed an O. “Yikes.”

“Anything we can do?” Quinn asked, gently rubbing my back.

Flopping back onto the couch I sighed. “Kill me.”

The second the door closed all hell broke loose. Simone threw her bags to the ground and angrily stomped around his kitchen to open the wine she'd brought. “Can we not do this?”

With a joyless laugh, she glared at him. “Not do what? Not keep our promises to each other? Cause you sure as hell have already started that.”

"Jesus," Jake breathed with a frustrated shake of his head. "It just barely happened. What did you want me to call you during and let you know?"

Simone glared at him, her lips thinning into that tight line. "Do not mock me, Jake.”

“I'm not mocking you. I just… I don't fucking understand what you want from me.” His whole body felt so tight he was sure he'd explode any second. “One minute you're telling me to do what I want and the next you're pissed at me for doing what I wanted to!”

“I want you to show me some goddamn respect!” She shouted, slamming her hand down on his counter. “I have been carrying you since you were eight years old and it has been the only thing I've asked of you! Yet you still find ways of failing at that too!”

Jake felt that ugly swell of tears burning behind his eyes. He felt his whole chest ache and his mind sluggishly repeat the word. Fail. Fail. Fail. That's all you ever fucking do. You fail Simone. You failed your mom. You'll fail Lena too. That's all you're good for. Gritting his teeth Jake forced himself to breathe. He forced himself to stay standing, to blink the tears away and speak, “I do respect you. I respect you more than anyone else! I just… It just barely happened, Simone. I was going to tell you the second I got the chance-”

“And when would that have been?” She asked the anger in her voice never wavering. “In a month? Two? Until I had to walk in on you?”

“It would have been when I saw you!” Jake shook his head. “I tell you everything, Simone. I always have, I always will. That's what we do. We tell each other things, we trust each other.” Slowly he could see Simone's shoulders relax and that glimmer of love return to her eyes. “Do you trust me?”

She finally abandoned the wine and gently took hold of his face. “Of course I do.”

The ache dulled as she stroked his cheeks and he finally felt like his lungs were filling with air instead of acid. “I was going to tell you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I do. I just… It surprised me. And you know how much I hate surprises.”

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

Simone smiled and pressed her lips to his, a kiss that once would have sent his heart soaring but now made his gut twist in his chest as he inevitably thought of Lena. She pulled back and nodded. “I know.”

“Are we good?”

“Yes. We are. Honestly, now I guess I’m…” Simone shook her head as she poured her wine and with a heavy sigh, Jake prepared himself for the word he knew far too well. Disappointed. “Relieved.”

“What?”

She picked at Lena's discarded dress, shrugging a shoulder as if she hadn't just been screaming at him over this. “It's done now. You've gotten it out of your system and things can finally get back to normal.”

In some sense she was right. It was done now. He tamed the tiger just like he'd wanted. Normally that did mean that Jake would move on and things would go back to normal. If Lena were anyone else he would probably fuck her a few more times before ultimately tossing her aside in favor of a new fling. But she wasn't anyone else, she was Lena…his Lena.

Jake didn't want things to go back to normal. He didn't want to feel that emptiness - the weight of being so alone and detached - again. So, Jake stared at Simone as she tidied up his apartment drank wine, and lectured him about how rude and selfish it'd been of him to abandon her over the holiday. For an hour - one that should have been filled with Lena's soft touches and breathy moans - Jake listened to his every flaw being brought to the surface.

Usually, he'd bite back and argue - defend himself against Simone’s angry accusations and slanders. But, that morning he didn't bother. Jake was tired, frustrated, and now anxious. Simone's interruption had put him and Lena right back where they started. Their pile of rain checks had barely been touched and now they'd have to restart the awkward, nervous, avoidant dance around each other. Only this time it'd be worse because they'd actually fucked.

This time the longer they went without talking about it the more likely they both were to write it off as some one-night stand and just go back to how things had been before that first kiss. The longer he sat with that thought, the more obvious it became that he couldn't survive not talking about this. Jake needed to know how Lena felt. He needed her to know how he felt.

“Are you even listening to me?” Simone snapped with a disappointed sigh. Before he could answer she'd rolled her eyes and turned away from him. “Of course you aren't.”

God it was going to be a long day.

The locker room was filled with gossip as I entered and shoved Sasha off as he jumped around me practically squealing, “Let me see, let me see!”

“See what?”

“Baby Jakey's work!” He replied. “From your sex!”

I glared at Ari, who sheepishly smiled. “Oh… Were you not telling people?”

“Fuck off. All of you,” I warned, opening my locker and getting changed as quickly as I could to try and avoid Sasha's peeking. The Russian only let up when a familiar broad-shouldered bartender set his bike down and entered the locker room.

“JAKEY!” Sasha purred. “Take your shirt off!”

Jake brushed past him, shaking his head. “Not in the mood Sasha.”

“Oohhhh,” he glanced between the two of us. “Was the sex that bad?”

I whirled around and slapped his forearm, cursing him in Russian until he retreated from the room giggling with Ari. “Fucking dickhead.”

Jake and I locked eyes. Desire and frustration vibrated between us, but neither of those made my heart drop… the uncertainty in Jake’s eyes, the new sliver of doubt shining back at me did. Had Simone talked him out of whatever this was? Had she dug those talons into his back hard enough for him to abandon the feelings I knew we both felt? Or had all of this… everything between us really just been part of some long game for him?

My racing thoughts must have been obvious, because Jake took a step toward me, mouth open to try and say something before Simone stepped into the locker room, happily humming as if she hadn't interrupted us at all. The apologetic look in his eyes was the only thing that kept me from punching that smug blonde bitch in the back of the head. I ground my teeth together and turned around to finish getting ready.

I left the two of them and their small talk in the locker room and headed to the table for family meal. Howard, who looked slightly tanner, offered me an apologetic look of his own that I didn't understand until I sat down and my eyes found the new painting hanging on the wall. Right. That's a fucking thing.

The vivid orange petals were splattered with red. I found my mind having to remind itself that it'd been wine instead of blood this time. The jagged cuts in the canvas and its slightly bent shape made it all too clear what'd happened to this particular empty showcase.

The glass shattered over the top of the painting at my feet, wine sloshing over the half-painted petals and the shards of glass slicing the canvas where it struck. If this had been any other circumstance I would have admired how artistic it made the piece look. But this was just another bender.

Tony lay on the ground next to the broken glass, laughing. It didn't matter how much or how loud he laughed, I could see the tired bags under his eyes and the hazed far off look that made me wonder if there was some human part of him deep inside. I almost pitied him, if just for one fragmented moment.

Jules checked his pulse and shoved my painting aside to keep him away from the broken glass. Turning to me he nodded to the mostly incoherent man at his side. “Stay with him while I get the doctor.”

“Of course,” I obediently answered, moving to kneel beside Tony. Jules gave my shoulder a soft squeeze as he stood and hurried toward the elevator.

My eyes fixated on the broken shards of glass just a few inches away. I could easily take one and shove it into his neck or cut his wrists. I could make it look like an accident… Like he'd done it to himself. Before the fear or the guilt could stop me I was reaching for the largest shard.

“Lena…” Tony mumbled, voice quivering as his glazed-over eyes searched for me. “Lena?”

“I'm here,” I answered quietly, my finger lingering on the glass as I looked down at him.

He relaxed instantly at the sound of my voice, lifting his hand to search for me in the dimly lit living room. “I… I can't see. Lena?”

Pity, understanding, and sympathy slowly replaced the darker thoughts in my head. With a gentle sigh, I slid closer to him, taking his hand in mine and pulling Tony into my lap. “I'm here.”

“W… Will you stay?” He mumbled kissing my hand. “Will you stay with me?”

The reply was practically instant… trained. “Of course.”

Tony set my hand against his chest, forcing me to feel the beating of his heart that cruelly reminded me he was a living, breathing human being. “Promise?”

Staring down at the floor of broken glass and then at the tender, beautiful face of the man I hated and feared and… Loved… I nodded. The words sounded sincere but filled my chest with a numbness that made it hard to breathe. “I promise.”

It was a low blow, reminding me of my supposed love for him. Reminding me that I'd made promises… Attempting to guilt me back into obedience. What was worse though, was that it worked.

In an entirely, uniquely twisted… Fucked up way my whole body went into some old, automatic tense posture. My chest burned with shame and my head filled with guilt-riddled thoughts. You broke his heart. You abandoned him. You said you'd never leave… Grinding my teeth together and balling my hands into fists I forced myself to remember the truth.

Being with Tony hadn't just been lavish gifts and eloquent love letters and expensive trips abroad. Those moments were far and few between. Being with him was filled with venom and rage. Being with him meant being held down, fighting… Aching. It was full of bloodied knuckles, bruises, and broken glass. Obey or be punished. Obey or starve. Obey or drown.

It wasn't love, I told myself, forcing that thought to be louder than all the others. What we had was never love.

Jake sat across the table from her, silently cursing himself for not offering her the reassurance she clearly needed in the locker room. The glassy, scared look in her eyes as she picked up on that tiny part of him that doubted if he deserved her, was stuck in his mind like a sliver. Beside him, Simone quietly ate her food while all he could do was watch Lena. Her eyes hadn’t met his again, unsteady they were fixed past him on the flower painting that now hung on the wall. He could see so much emotion raging in her distant eyes. Fear, fondness, guilt, shame. It wasn't like the other paintings. Those had just made her afraid, angry but this… This was one of those things he didn't understand and it made his chest tighten.

The only thing that drew his gaze away from her was the neatly pressed suit and the fucking pervert that wore it. Howard was back. To his credit, the manager barely looked at him, but Jake could still see the faint bruises that he'd done his vest to conceal. With steady steps Howard approached Lena, one hand holding a bottle while the other lifted, moving toward her shoulder.

Howard's eyes locked with his and Jake did his best to convey the ass-kicking he'd be dishing out if he so much as tried to touch her. Do it. I fucking dare you. At the last second his hand shifted to the back of the chair and a smug sense of pride made Jake's mouth twitch into a smile.

“A gift…” Howard told her carefully, setting the wine down in front of her. “An apology for my involvement.”

Lena’s gaze slowly drifted away from the painting to glare at the bottle. For a moment, her face remained expressionless before a thin, bitter smile spread on her lips. “Expensive.”

“And one of your favorites.”

She said nothing as she stood and began pouring the wine into her glass. Lena's eyes were fixed on Howard even as the glass began to overflow, wine staining the white tablecloth in seconds. The manager pursed his lips, disappointment and a mild look of frustration playing out on his still slightly discolored face. No one said a single word as the bottle finally ran empty and Lena set it back down.

Howard sighed. “Was that truly necessary?”

Still, without a single word, Lena knocked the glass over, sending wine down the table. She strode past him and toward the kitchen just as everyone at the table burst with laughter and gossip. Jake leaned back in his seat and grinned at Howard, enjoying every second of the manager's hateful gaze.

Simone looked at the mess with a disapproving shake of her head. “Such a waste.”

Howard's glare shifted to Sasha and Ari as they continued their laughter. With a snap of his fingers and a swift gesture to the mess he barked out the order, “You two, please get this tablecloth in a soak and clean this up?”

“No fair,” Ari pouted quietly as they started cleaning. “Tiger Bitch makes a mess and we have to clean it.”

“Nepotism,” Sasha answered almost flippantly. “Tiger Bitch is special baby.”

Jake took his plate and Simone's back to the kitchen, eyes finding Lena among the dish crew with ease. She had her head down, focused completely on washing the dishes in the sink. As he set his dirty plates down he watched the water, trying to gauge how hot it was in an attempt to tell how fucked up the painting and Howard had her. It was bad, but not as bad as the first time.

He didn't want to leave her, not when she was like this. A hand waved in his peripheral vision, drawing his gaze to the line where Isaac nodded him toward the door. A silent but reassuring message that he'd keep an eye on her through this shift. Jake spared one last look to the back of her head before he sighed and left the kitchen.

Service felt longer than it should have. Wave after wave of rich assholes poured through the door and gawked at that painting hanging on the wall with Lena's name on it. It made him feel angry and sick to his stomach even just imagining what horrible memory she'd tried to bury in that paint. And there these fuckers were, complimenting it… Calling it a masterpiece. Worse than that Jake knew that even if they knew the full story they'd still find it just as fascinating - maybe even more.

As he made the drinks and served the guests in front of him, Jake made it a point to glare at Howard. The disgusting man was practically trying to sell the damn thing. He stood beside the crowd, pointing out the details of the piece and praising the painter, who he'd already revealed worked in the restaurant. When he'd walked past the bar toward the kitchen it took all of Jake's willpower not to hit him again.

Only a minute had passed before his heart dropped into his stomach at the sound of shattering dishes. In an instant Jake was moving towards the kitchen doors, his heartbeat practically echoing her name. Just as he reached the end of the bar, Sasha fled the scene with a deviant smile, effectively blocking Jake's path. “The hell happened?”

“Tiger Bitch is not in a playful mood tonight,” The Russian answered. “Dear Howard was telling her that some of the guests wanted to speak with her about her painting and she just held up a plate,” he illustrated the throwing movement as well as the crash with his hands, “She threw a plate and told him she'd throw one every time he spoke to her.”

A part of him couldn't help but feel satisfied at how hostile she was acting towards Howard. She may not have known what he did, but Jake was glad she was giving him hell even if it wasn't for the worst of his crimes against her. But, beneath that satisfaction was the simmering worry that it would all be too much for Lena to handle and he'd have to watch her spiral into another night of panic and drowning her fears in alcohol.

Sasha watched his face, reading it carefully as he set his head in his hands and leaned on the bar in front of Jake. “Something about those paintings puts Tiger in a bad mood.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he replied curtly.

“Tell me what you know, pretty Jake,” he urged.

Jake leaned forward, looking around them for a moment as if he cared about who could hear them. “I know you should get the fuck off my bar and back to work.”

The Russian cursed and waved him off. “Ha ha, you so funny.” With a thoughtful look, he shifted his question, “So, what's next?”

“Next?” Jake asked with a pointed look.

Sasha smirked and gave him an innocent shrug. “Well, now that you've tamed the tiger you'll be taking on a new project, yes? A new hostess maybe?”

Turning his head to the hostess stand Jake caught the new girl bashfully averting her eyes from the bar. In the past, he would have felt a thrill at the idea of stringing along another sweet, innocent hostess… But now when he looked at her and saw those blushing cheeks that told him she was interested all he could think of was how boring it'd be. No one would ever be able to offer him even a fraction of what he had with Lena.

No one else would challenge him the way she did. It didn't matter how pretty the hostess was, she wouldn't tease him encourage him, or support him the way the redhead did. No one could be more beautiful than her, funnier than her, smarter than her, more badass, or fearless. No one would be Lena and if it wasn't her… Well, he just didn't want it.

“Nah,” Jake finally replied, returning to his work. “No new projects.”

Sasha made a shocked face and with a quiet, almost supportive hum he asked, “Who really tamed who?”

The second service ended, I grabbed my shit and left out the alley door. I'd wanted to wait for Jake to talk to him, but after seeing that painting and having Howard tell me about the requests some rich asshole made to meet me… It was too much. As I wandered the brisk city, desperately trying to force the pit in my stomach to dissolve with the movement, I had to continuously pull myself from wave after wave of old thoughts trying to plague me with guilt and make me doubt what I knew to be true.

It wasn't love. It was never love.

Everything I'd been through, all the years I'd spent moving on, and all it took was one painting to make me feel like that sad, lonely, dead little girl. One painting and in whatever fucking twisted way I was looking back on the times when Tony made me laugh or smile or feel anything good. Those memories were ones I had to combat with the truth and the truth meant remembering and remembering meant I couldn't just pretend like everything was fine.

Tony had not only been in the restaurant but had weaseled his way into Howard's ear, and quite possibly my aunt's. He'd hung the paintings to elicit a very specific response and I'd played right into it. The larger message was simple. It was a reminder that in this game we were playing, he was the king. He snapped his fingers and everyone would play whatever tune he wanted, me included.

Fear, anger, guilt. What was his next move? I wondered as I had many times before. And just like every time before, I hadn't the faintest idea. Even with all the time I'd spent with him to give me a clear picture of who he was and how he thought, I'd never been able to predict his moves. The one thing I knew to be a certainty was there wasn't a damn thing he wouldn't do and that meant everything I loved was at stake… that meant the people closest to me were in danger.

Ozzy, Peter, Patrick, Quinn, Prue, Nana, Abdul, Isaac, Dom, Scott, Ari, Sasah… Jake. They were all possible targets for Tony to choose from. It was terrifying to think about and so I forced myself to not think about it. The lights over Ozzy's bar eventually flashed ahead of me as I did my best to shed myself of the powerless feeling that was now firmly rooted in my stomach. I had to keep moving forward, even blindly. I had to focus on the good around me, even if it was just a tiny speck of it.

He wouldn't take this from me. He would never take anything from me again.

As I made my way to the door I heard the rumble of Dom's bike engine and felt a sense of relief wash over me. As he pulled into the bike spaces I reminded myself of my one advantage in this fucked up game. I had Dom. He wouldn't let anything bad happen. Not ever again.

He had a tired look in his eyes as he flung his leg over the side and stood, thanking the bikers around him as they followed suit.

“Busy day?” I called out, drawing his attention to me.

A thought made his brows pinch together as he sighed and walked toward me. “Yeah.”

As he walked with me through the bar door a faint, floral smell lingered on his jacket. I leaned in, smelling him a bit deeper. “You open a flower shop or something?”

“Huh?”

“You smell all flowery,” I replied tugging on his jacket.

Dom's face drained of any emotion as he shrugged. “Right. Yeah, I… Had some business with a florist.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “Are you back in the game of wooing Mav?”

“No.”

“Oh come on, you can tell me!” I playfully urged. “You know I'm in full support of your “marriage”.”

With a sigh he stopped, gently placing a hand on my arm. “Lena… There's something we should talk about.”

A sudden tightness seized my throat at his serious tone and blank expression. “What's going on?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sasha and the group waving their hands in the air, urging me to hurry and join them. “Tiger! Come on!”

Dom glanced at them and quickly shook his head. “I… just wanted to give you a heads up that Nana's got a big celebration planned for your birthday.”

“Oh.” A relieved breath left my lungs in the form of an anxious chuckle. “Oh, good. Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry,” he quietly replied.

“It's okay. I promised Nana she could go all out this year and… I dunno…” Glancing back at my group, at my brothers and Quinn and Prue, the restaurant crew… Jake… I smiled. I had these people in my life. They may have been in danger by being here - being close to me - but they were here nonetheless. None of them cared about possible dangers, they still chose to be here with me. The weight that had made everything feel so heavy slowly eased as I looked at my friends… my family and smiled wider. “Maybe it won't be so bad this year.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he mumbled, giving me a pat on the head. “That's real good, kid. Now go on. Enjoy your night or whatever.”

I caught his arm before he could go too far, squeezing it and offering him a sad smile. “You been to visit her yet?”

Dom's whole body tensed. He likely thought I forgot, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it, but with a quick shake of his head, he answered “No… I don't know if I'm gonna this year.”

“Well if you do, tell her I said hi.” I knew that Dom didn't really believe in ghosts or angels. I knew to him Sarah wouldn't hear him or even know if he'd visited at all, but every year I still encouraged him to go to her grave as some kind of birthday gift to her. He had yet to do it, but I could tell that speaking of her fondly from time to time - acknowledging that his sister existed and had been important - helped ease the hurt in him a little.

But, tonight that didn't seem to be the case.

Dom averted his gaze, cleared his throat, and nodded to the group with a firm, “Go on.”

The chaos of the night continued as expected. My friends and their antics helped me push all the bad the day had to offer back into their boxes and as I met Jake's eyes over the bartop. I was scared that he’d still have that speck of doubt lingering in those beautiful eyes, but as he stared back at me all I could see was the desire. It reminded me of the good… of the possibility that I could have something normal.

Remembering how right it felt to kiss him, to feel him in every way physically possible made me flush with a shameless want to do it all again. Jake's never-faltering gaze didn't help either. It was like he knew exactly what I was thinking and that he wholeheartedly agreed. As the night progressed and the bar slowly started to slow I found myself avoiding leaving it. The pit in my stomach, though lessened still filled me with a lingering and old voice urging me to take the quickest, easiest path away from potential heartache. End it.

That conversation we didn't get to have was now right in front of me and I felt scared. Terrified that something had changed. If Jake told me he wanted to move on from last night it would gut me. But if he said he wanted us to be something official… That thought made me feel almost as sick, just in a different way. Get him as far away from you as possible.

How many men had come before him? All of whom I'd deeply felt for and all of whom Tony had destroyed in some way or another. So what would he do to Jake? What would Tony do to the man that I cared for most… The man who was different from every other in a way I didn't even fully understand. Protect him.

Ozzy set a hand on my shoulder and nudged me to the door. “Go on and get some rest, dear. You've helped enough.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, accepting the kiss on the head and making my way out the back door where I attempted to steel myself.

The gym was quiet, with only a few lights left on to illuminate the old pictures on the walls. As I looked at my dad's smiling face in every photo that scared voice in me quieted, instead replaced by his. “Why you gotta fight me every step of the way?”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I’d replied coldly, angry and terrified. Dad had done nothing but offer me love and acceptance since I’d gotten back for the summer, two things I knew weren’t given away for free. He wanted something but instead of telling me what it was chose to play some cruel game instead.

My dad’s shoulders slumped slightly, a sigh falling from his lips as he stared down at me with a pitiful look. I prepared myself for his disappointment, but it never came. “I don’t want anything from you, Lena.”

Shaking my head I swallowed hard. “Everyone wants something from me.”

“Alright,” he finally relented. “I do want one thing. I want you to live.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” I asked, timid but still angry.

“You’re alive, sure,” he replied, carefully reaching out to touch my shoulder. “But this ain’t living. This hostile… bitterness you’re carrying, it’s not what life’s supposed to be like. Especially not for a kid.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, guilt filling my lungs as another failure was added to the list.

Dad bent down, forcing our eyes to meet, and smiled. “Don’t be sorry. It ain’t your fault. Just… let us help you. Let me help you, sweet girl.”

With tears building in my eyes, I answered, “Okay. I… Sorry I’ve been making it so hard for you.”

He pulled me into his arms and kissed my head. “You make my life, all our lives, better just by bein here. All we want is for you to see that…” He pulled away, taking my face in his hands and smushing my cheeks the way he thought was funny. “Come on. Let’s go start livin, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The sound of the alley door opening spurred me back into motion. As I headed up the stairs to the apartment I could hear Jake's steady footsteps following me. His movements didn’t sound rushed or hesitant, just steady. My heart hammered in my chest and my head filled with a hundred thoughts, a hundred voices all shouting different things at me. Jake appeared in the stairwell, hands in his pockets as he put one foot on the bottom step before stopping himself. “Now a good time to talk?”

The longer I looked down at him the quieter my mind got. Nodding I opened the door and shrugged. “As good a time as we’re probably gonna get.”

He trudged up the stairs with a faint smile on his face and all the noise, all the extra baggage weighing me down fell away. The smell of alcohol, faint cigarette smoke and Jake’s colognue reminded me that I was here. I was in this moment, not the ones in Tony’s paintings or in picture frames. I was here. I was alive and now I wanted to live.

Jake stepped inside and quietly watched me as I closed the door behind him. “You okay?”

“Yeah!” I replied, clearing my throat and taking a tensely casual position by the table. “Why wouldn't I be?”

He shrugged. “You seemed to be kind of somewhere else today… after seeing that painting.”

My jaw clenched as the ugly emotions in me wanted to return. “Yeah… That wasn't great but, I'm okay now.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” I laughed a little to myself, forcing my body to focus on that feeling of steadiness and safety that Jake’s presence brought me. “Besides, we have other stuff we need to talk about, don't we?”

Now he looked just as nervous as I felt. “Yeah.”

“We're kind of horrible at this, aren't we?”

Jake nodded in agreement, chuckling before he spoke, “Yeah… okay… Fuck it, I'm just gonna start. Neither of us do well with labels,” Jake offered before quickly stammering over his own words. “Not that I'm against labeling this as… Whatever. I just mean…”

“Why put a label on things when we're still figuring out exactly what things are?” I finished, ignoring the slight sting of disappointment that festered in my chest by focusing on the wave of relief.

“Exactly.” He scratched his head and cleared his throat. “So… We… keep it casual.”

“Casual,” I agreed. Casual was fun, predictable but most importantly safe. Casual was familiar to both of us and given everything that had happened - changed in our lives and in our friendship - maybe that was a safety net we both needed.

Casual.

Jake nodded, taking a careful step forward. “If someone were to ask what we were… What would we say to that?”

I watched his lips, resisting the urge to end all the tedious talking by kissing him. “We'd say we're casually seeing each other? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? Whatever feels right to you I'm fine with.”

“So, you're a girl I'm seeing… casually?”

Nodding I forced myself to meet his eyes, not that it helped either of us stay on track. “And you're a boy I'm seeing casually.”

Jake's hands slid around me, urging me to lean into him. With that simple touch, everything else faded into the back of my mind. I felt myself relax into him, my body finally able to focus on those tingling sensations of desire and excitement. “And since we're seeing each other, casually, it'd be perfectly normal for us to kiss, right?”

“I think it'd be expected, really.”

“Good,” he mumbled, running his thumb over my lower lip. “I liked being your friend and all, but I don't think I can go any longer without fucking you again.”

As if it had a mind of its own my tongue slipped out to lick his thumb and tug it between my teeth for a second. I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing, teasing… Testing the waters… Inviting him to fuck me as much as he wanted? “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Smirking, he brushed my hair behind my ears. “That.”

His lips further erased every ounce of tension, guilt, disappointment, and fear from my lungs. The way his hands cradled my face replaced everything with a warm fuzzy sense of safety. The painting, Howard, Simone… Nothing else mattered. As long as I had this, him, somehow I knew everything would be alright.

When he pulled back for air he smiled with a quiet sigh. “This is how our morning should have gone. Sorry about Simone.”

“It's alright. We’re here now.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, leaning back down towards me. “I haven't been able to think about anything else all day.”

Before our lips could connect again I threw one last taunt at him, “I knew you liked being my friend.”

Jake rolled his eyes, warm hands sliding down my cheek to take hold of my hips. “God you're insufferable.”

I ran my hands down his chest and whispered against his lips, “You like it.”

“Shut up.” Our lips finally touched, soft hands quickly turning into heated grabs at one another's clothes.

With a half step forward Jake pressed me into the back of a kitchen chair. His tongue invaded my mouth as his hands pulled my sleeves away from my shoulders, clearing a path for his lips and teeth to follow. The way his lips felt against my skin was something that made me shiver. Jake was… How had he put it? Adept in the art of pleasure? Smug bastard… And completely right.

“God,” Patrick groaned the second he opened the door. His hand slapped over his face, covering his eyes and sighing in defeat. “Guess I should get used to that now that you two are officially a thing.”

“Casually,” Jake and I both corrected.

My brother blindly made his way around the kitchen table. “Yeah yeah, “casually” whatever ya say. Just keep alla that “casual” touchy-feely shit in your room or something.”

“Sorry,” we both mumbled watching Patrick run into his bedroom door before quickly opening it and fleeing inside.

I nodded to my bedroom door and smiled as I tugged Jake toward it. He followed, pushing the door closed behind him. I practically pounced on him, pressing my chest into his as I pulled his head down to reconnect our lips. Jake stumbled slightly causing the door to rattle. Before we could say anything else Irish folk music blared through Pat’s speakers. A crystal clear message.

“Shhh,” I whispered against his collarbone with a giggle. “We have to be quiet!”

“I'm not the one that needs to worry about that.” To prove his point he took a handful of my ass and ground himself against my core, pulling a sharp - loud - moan from me.

“Nope! I'm leaving!” Patrick shouted as the music turned off. “You two have an hour before Pete gets back! For the love of god, be done before then!”

I smirked at Jake. “Now I finally have you all to myself.”

“Looks that way,” he replied. “You gonna entertain me?”

“Of course! What kind of host would I be if I didn't?”

His eyes sparkled with lust as he watched my mouth move. “Well, what's your plan?”

Leaning in I pressed my lips to his neck, occupying my hands with his belt and starting the slow drag of my body down his. When my knees hit the floor and I'd gotten Jake's pants down I looked up at him, fluttering my lashes and smiling at him. “I'm sure I'll think of something you'll enjoy.”

My dearest Lena,

In the unlikely event you're reading this letter I simply wished to send you a simple reminder of my devotion to you. A token of my love will be finding its way to your door soon and soon we will be reunited once more.

Yours, Anthony

Dom stared at the letter, examining each line as meticulously as he would an engine. He needed to know what the sick bastard had planned. Needed to know how to protect her from whatever was coming. Tony wouldn't make it easy or fair. He never did and this time was different. He was braver than before, bolder in his actions than Dom had ever seen him.

After the beating he'd given him upon hearing all he'd done to Lena, Tony should have been cowering in some far corner of the world. He should have been terrified to even set foot in the city again and yet there he was, in her apartment, waving at her landlord, waving at him.

The longer he held the evidence of Tony's visit the more guilty he felt for keeping it secret. Lena deserved to know. Her brothers had the right to know about the danger. They all deserved better than he could give them.

With a sigh, he lifted the lighter to the corner of the paper and watched the fire spread to the cursive words in ink. He dropped it into the empty bin and picked the orange flower up off the table before tossing it into the fire too.

He should have killed Tony a hundred times by now. A mistake he wasn't going to make again. Then and there Dom silently vowed that the next time he saw that fuckers face he'd put a bullet between his eyes.

21 notes · View notes

nyx0090 · 8 months ago

Text

Sweetbitter: Golden Ice

Sweetbitter [Jake x Reader/OC]

Word Count: 11.053 (and pretty proud of it).

TW: +18, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (f recieving), soft!Jake. Use of Y/N. Fem!Reader.

A/n: I think I made Jake's character more soft than actually intended but I like him like this too. I'm very proud of this work even if some parts don't exactly convince me bc it's the first work I manage to finish in years so.

It is edited but if still there are mistakes please excuse them. I hope you'll like it.

Spotify Playlist some of the songs are actually in the series and some, I think, fit the vibes of the series. These inspired this whole fic so if someone wants to listen to them while reading feel free.

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At a certain point every night seems the same: get changed, get the food, smile and be polite, change again and go home. But sometimes this normality, this routine, helps especially having lived many years running around cause mom and dad always had to get transferred for work and I never got to settle as I wanted. Never had friends that lasted more than a couple of weeks, maybe a month before I never heard from them again. Not being able to find secret spots or hang out with people my age, I was always present at important events and meeting.

“This is going to be useful for your future, you’ll have time for friends, maybe” this is what mom and dad always told me.

Stability is what I always longed for and now I got it, sometimes it's boring and sometimes it simply reminds me that this is what I wanted after running left and right in all America. After not being able to actually know someone.

To keep things interesting, I sang at a place, a wonderful jazz bar, the Golden Ice, once in a while, when they needed. I sang there all night, got a few free drinks, got changed and went back home. Getting away from the drama at the restaurant because I felt that the more I stayed away, the better.

Tonight was no different. I had to work at the restaurant and then grab my things and go sing for a while in a place that seemed a completely different world, and it kind of was compared to Home Bar. Or the restaurant.

I only had one problem, that little problem being a 5'9-man, black hair and many tattoos. Jake got "interest" (if it can be called that seeing who Jake is), apparently, in following me some nights when he probably was bored, had no one to get laid with and didn't want to Home Bar.

As if I wouldn’t notice.

I did not know the reason but all I knew is that his timing in ‘stalking’ was annoyingly impeccable. I mean I only went to two places: the jazz bar and a sort of library open 24/7 in which you enter only with a pass that is given to clients who are interested, grab a book and then decide if you stay there or want to go home. It’s like being in an office but you get to read and have a good time. And Jake always, always managed to follow me when I went to the bar.

Tonight, I had to sing right after the shift at the restaurant and had to fly there almost. And I knew, knowing my luck, that he would have followed me. Maybe I was being too sneaky and that just piqued his curiosity. All I knew was that he was annoying at how well he picked the nights I wanted to keep most secret.

I didn't want anyone at the restaurant to know about me singing. Don’t get me wrong it’s not because its them: I love that group of crazy coworkers I have but I considered it nothing special and I preferred no one to know anyway. That included Jake.

《So... how is the night going?》 Jake asked, cleaning a few glasses and starting drinks.

《As always: many clients, some bullshit and I can't wait to go home.》 I answered opening bottles and replacing some caps for Nicky and him to use later.

He shrugged and a small smirk lifted his lips.

《What about yours?》 I said in return placing the bottles back where they should be.

《Nothing much either. Will you come to Home Bar later?》 he suddenly asked.

《No, I'll just go home. I want to lay down and sleep so bad.》 I yawned to get the point across and hope he would go to Home Bar and not follow me.

He nodded before going back to prepare some drinks while I finished up the bottles.

Once finished I went to get some ice seeing they were running low on it. While I was getting that I already planned the path I had to walk to the bar and pick the one that would have a bar allow me to go out the back and get rid of Jake.

I went back upstairs and left the ice to Jake before going to the kitchen and go on with the same routine, bringing plates and being polite.

Jake's eyes kept following me through the night. I kind of understood what he wanted from me: he wanted a good fuck. Just like he did with everyone else. But I was not willing to give that. He might be handsome and attractive, but a pretty face was not enough for me.

Talking might have gotten him more far, but he didn't seem the type.

I didn't mind the ‘friendship’ we developed tho: joking, teasing sometimes and helping each other. Talking a bit during shifts and passing some alcohol under the table. Terrible jokes and playful insults. I liked that, it felt right for us.

At the end of the night, I changed in the outfit I would have worn to the jazz bar and covered it with my long black coat. October temperatures did not forgive already, and it was the perfect excuse. Once I was all covered up and ready to go, I headed downstairs.

《Bye guys! Have fun at Home Bar!》 I chirped, waving my way to the door.

《You're not coming with us? Come on!》 Ari said, already a bit tipsy as always.

《Sorry dear, I'm super tired tonight and don't have the right outfit anyway.》 I answered going up to her and hugging her.

Then I was off. After a few blocks I heard Jake following me.

'Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. How does he have such timing?' I thought. I started to walk faster towards my only saving way out of here.

When I entered the chaotic bar I spotted a dear friend of mine, Michelle, and she brought me to the back door without questions.

Jake could not follow me to the back from inside the bar and even if he got outside, he would have lost some time before catching up, giving me time to slip away to work.

As I went, I kept thinking how to approach him about it. It would be fun to see his face when I would ask why does he follow me. I smiled to myself before turning into an alley and going in through the back.

《There you are! I was worried something happened to you!》 came Ambra, a sweet 30 years old small woman, hugging me and cupping my face in her hands turning it left and right before hugging me again. She would have sung with me tonight as many other nights and she was already almost finished with her outfit and make-up.

《Had to get rid of my little friend.》 I shrugged as we went to my changing room to get make-up on.

《Why don't you just tell him if he seems so interested?》 Ambra questioned as I sat down in the chair.

《Cause I don't want people at work to know. I don't have to tell them anything - I defended – and besides he could just ask me instead of following me around like a creep.》 I concluded and closed my eyes as she applied my eye make-up. Then she went away to get the last things ready too and I finished by myself. Some time was saved having worn my dress before.

I wore another pair of shoes and just went off to the stage.

When we started to sing the small crowd of the bar started to cheer and we started to just have fun too. I was always a little nervous before a performance, no matter how many times I did it. And to be able to sing along side Ambra whom had the most beautiful voice was always a pleasure and an honor.

She was way more experienced than me for sure and yet never looked down on me for it. She was like a second mom to me or a big sister.

When the night was finished, and I got changed in a more comfortable outfit I went to the bar to bid goodnight to everyone and found my usual drink waiting for me as a thank you from the owner who work as a bartender there.

《Thank you Rick!》 I called out. He gave me a thumbs up as a response before finishing up with cleaning. When I was done, I got my things, said goodbye again and went home.

I got to a bus stop and waited for mine. While waiting and to make the time pass a bit faster, I put on my old earphones.

Soon the bright lights of the bus announced its arrival, I hopped on, ready for a pretty long ride. Usually from the restaurant I could go home walking, it was a bit long, but I could manage. From here was straight off too long and I did not had the energy.

The next day went pretty well. Running errands in the morning, taking a good long bath and then getting ready to work as always.

When I came in Jake was almost finished changing and I started to take off my jacket. I could see a mile away he wanted to ask me something, continuously looking behind his shoulder. But he couldn’t, I didn’t know nothing for him, and I said I always went home after work so what would there be to ask?

I had to stifle a giggle at how frustrated he looked when he went out. To go this much just so he could get laid seemed a bit much even for him. There were plenty of girls who he could hook up with.

‘Maybe he was just bored.’

I shrugged it off before finishing up and getting out. Luckly tonight I did not have to go anywhere so a good book and a cozy tea at home were awaiting me. Or maybe I could join humanity and go to Home Bar with the others.

I helped with putting down the tables, getting some saltshakers and the flowers watered to be sure they looked fresher.

Then the restaurant opened, and I got the coats to put away. It was probably the most relaxing task because it was a quiet space, but it always lasted way too little.

《Hey could you back up?》 Tess asked me, three plates already in hand. I immediately went to her and helped bringing the plates to the table.

《Have I seen you somewhere?》 one of the man at the table asked looking at me. Of course, he knew me being a fucking regular at the other bar.

'Could one thing go right?'

《I'm afraid you are mistaking me for someone else, sir.》 I politely answered, Tess eyes scrutinizing me.

I just kept looking at the men and when the silence became too long, I added 《Very well, enjoy your meal!》

We went away from the table. I had no time for this tonight, and I knew Tess was going to ask questions.

We weren't even into the kitchen when she started bombarding me

《Are you sure he was wrong or just didn't want to tell in front of me?》 she teased.

《No Tess, I don't know him. It must have been a genuine mistake.》 I said stopping at the bar and asking for a shot of rum.

《Oh, come on! He is pretty handsome too. What are you hiding?》 she kept teasing as I chugged down the liquid to get the edge off. It was going to be a stressful night then.

《Nothing Tess, I seriously don't know him! Never seen him in my life.》 I said getting back to work. Jake was nowhere to be found. Better.

In no time the whole kitchen and not knew about this slip up and I was done for. Everyone kept asking questions.

《He seems good for you. You know there is nothing bad with it right? You can tell us.》 Ari teased and Heather agreed.

《What you bitches talking about?》 came in Sasha who, extraordinarily, still did not know.

《Y/N's new man at table 14.》 Ari said with a smirk.

《Oh, my God. He is not my man, ok? I don't know him! He just has mistaken me for someone else!》

I said on the verge of asking the third or fourth rum of the night. And we were only halfway through the shift. A hand went down my face, exhausted.

Maybe no humanity or Home Bar tonight.

When I went out of the kitchen, I spotted Nicky and asked another shot of rum.

《You sure you're okay?》 he asked a bit worried about my alcohol consumption tonight. Usually I went to one, two shots three if it was a rough night but almost coming up to four or five was new for him.

《Yeah, simply everyone being absolutely exhausting about a man who mistook me for someone else.》 I answered 'honestly' drinking fast before Howard could catch me.

Right at that time the table I helped Tess earlier started to get up and towards us, giving me the number for the coat closet.

《Are you sure we haven't met before?》 he asked one more time taking his coat from my hands and wearing it.

《Absolutely positive sir.》 I said with a smile.

When they were gone, and I turned around Jake was watching me.

I wanted to crash my head in the nearest wall, now he is not going to let me be, ever.

《Do you know him?》 he asked as he cleaned some more glasses.

《Nope, never seen him. He got a crab thinking I was someone he knew.》

And with that I went away back to the kitchen. He kept boring holes for the rest of the night into my back and I was this close to punch him in the face.

Definitely no humanity or Home Bar.

‘Fuck it, I'm going home to tea and books.’

I thought as I got changed, fighting with the last three buttons of my shirt with my trembling hands.

《Oh, Lord》 I groaned still trying. ‘Why, why did I drink so much?’ At the end I managed to drink around seven shots. I was not drunk but definitely tipsy if I could not undo three damn buttons. I gave up and went to the small sink to splash a bit of water on my face to freshen up. It kind of worked, my hands were still trembling but at least I got out of my stirpes.

When I finished changing, Jake entered the room. I said nothing and went out with my much more comfortable long skirt and blouse on and my bag and coat in hand.

《I’m going home, bye guys.》 I announced near the door not getting anything anymore to drink. A chorus of ‘bye’s’ went with me out the door. I put on my long black, comfy coat and I was off to the library.

I took out my pass key at the door, swiped it and went in. I took a deep breath enjoy the smell of books and some aromatic candle still lingering after a whole day of burning.

The relaxing music underneath was very nice and helped get cozy. I went with some old novel, The Picture of Dorian Grey. I’ve read it many times now, but it was not the night to engage in some new reading, not with this much alcohol in me and so little concentration.

When I got up to go home and bring the book with me it was around 2 am so I called it a day. I left a little note for Martina for the next morning and went off. It was starting to really get cold in New York, so I wore my coat and made my way through an enormous crowd of people for it to be 2 am and somewhere I got a glimpse of Jake.

‘Nah, I must be wrong. I need to sleep’ but when I looked again there he was.

I tried my best to look away fast and concentrate to the task at hand – going home – as much as I could so he would not notice me but right at that time he turned around and made eye contact with me.

Now, he definitely saw me there.

‘Oh Lord. Really?’ I just ignored him and went on to my house to get that sleep I needed after maybe a few more chapters.

Needless to say, it was not a few more chapters. I finished the book and when I placed it on the side my alarm read 5.30 in the morning, and it should have went off at 7.

With a big headache I got up at 2 pm and got done what I could before taking a much-needed shower and preparing for work.

Once there I greeted everyone before going to the locker room and sitting on the sofa not before wetting my handkerchief and placing it over my eyes.

‘Damn headache. Never again am I reading that late or drinking that much.’

《Are you dead or what?》 Jake asked.

《For now I just am.》 I answered tiredly, my headache was not going to give me peace for the whole night.

I jolted when he closed his locker went away. I took off the wet thing from my eyes and changed too.

《Why were you out so late last night?》 he asked as I was going through the flowers. I smiled, expecting that question. I turned around, placed my hands on the counter separating us and looked him dead in the eyes.

《Why did you followed me like a creep two nights ago? And many nights before that too?》 he was stunned to say the least, his mouth hanging open like a fish. I took my mop bar and went away.

For the rest of the night we didn’t talk, just said coworker things. ‘We are running low on ice’, ‘Could you bring up a bottle Riesling’ and stuff like that.

At least he didn’t have that stupid grin on tonight, I, on the other hand, smiled like an idiot all night for this little success.

《You coming to Home Bar tonight?》 Heather asked as I sat down to take a Negroni. I looked down at my outfit – the

usual long skirt with a sweater this time – and back up at her.

《Don’t think I’m dressed appropriately for Home Bar but sure, why not?》 I said and cheers raised.

《Boring white woman is coming with us tonight.》 Sasha added above the chaos. I laughed, looking at them getting up and I chugged down what was left of my drink.

《It’s incredible how you never once skip asking me to come with you. Am I really that boring for your standards?》 I playfully inquired. Ari placed an arm around my shoulders, thinking about it.

《Maybe – she concluded – I mean you are probably super fun but we have never seen that side of you.》 she added.

《That hurt my feeling - I answered feigning hurt - when have I ever gave you guys the impression I'm not fun.》 I said. Ari and Heather looked at me up and down before answering.

《By the way you dress, for example.》 they said together.

《It's comfortable, you should try it.》 I retorted playfully.

《You never come to Home Bar or any other party, during shifts drink you take always the same thing and then you are off to sleep. Not even my grandma is that boring.》 Ari kept going on, the amused tone telling me she didn't mind one bit.

《Wow - I said - well I prefer I glass of wine at home rather than get waisted every night.》 I retorted again.

When we reached Home Bar everyone scattered everywhere: to dance, to drink, to do drugs and to fuck. I went to the bartender and asked again for a Negroni and a bottle of water. I got that to the table where Jake and Will were sitting and also Heather, but she got up and went away a couple of minutes prior.

I took a seat and started to drink looking at people dancing, drinking, making out, many probably high on drugs or drunk but they looked like they were enjoying themselves, a lot.

《I'm going to the bathroom.》 Will announced.

An awkward silence settled between me and Jake.

《Are you not asking me anymore questions now?》 I said still not looking at him. He kept silent so I turned around and looked at him.

《How did you find me out?》 he asked with confidence.

《Well it was very easy actually and if you are a stalker in your free time let me tell you: you suck, a lot. Change hobby, really.》 I said playfully. A small chuckle left his lips, and my eyes fell there for a second before going back to anywhere in the room.

《Why did you follow me tho? You could have asked instead of being a creep and scared the shit out of me the first time. I was about to call the police.》 I told him, more seriously this time.

《I got curious. Why did you never come with us to Home Bar or parties? Why you never stayed more than needed during shift drinks?》 he said. I looked at him not entirely convinced.

《Are you sure you simply weren't bored and decided to do something stupid?》 I offered. I was not really buying the curiosity thing. Knowing Jake there could have been a thousands more reasons but this one was the less convincing.

He shrugged looking around a bit too before asking again 《Would you have let me come with you if I asked?》 completely ignoring my question.

《No.》

《Why not?》

《What I do after work doesn't necessarily have to be your or anyone else's business. I can keep private some things.》 I snapped at him a bit.

《So you did know that man.》 he inquired. I looked at him shocked. If I didn't punch him tonight I would never again even try.

《Is this what all of this is about?》 I asked skeptically.

He didn't answer and I took a sip of my drink.

《Will you ever bring me with you where ever it is you go?》 he asked again.

《I don't understand why are you so curious. What if I do a simple second job as a waitress? There is nothing interesting about it.》 I said.

《You didn't answer my question.》 I looked at him up and down and remained silent. He says that? After all he deliberately didn't answer to me?

《From whom this comes - I retorted keeping the glass near my lips - and maybe. I don't take strangers around with me like it's nothing.》 I offered sincerely. He simply nodded. Sometime after Will came back from wherever he actually went, and I went to bid goodnight to all those I could find and headed back home hoping for the best.

For the next few days, we still talked very little. After that the ice started to crack and we started to talk a bit more, I went once more to Home Bar and we had fun talking and assuming about the people around us.

I had some more nights at Rick’s, and he didn’t follow which I took as a success.

《So, how are you doing?》 I asked him one night before the opening time while I was putting away glasses and bottles.

《I should be the one asking you.》 he answered cleaning some shakers and strainers.

I eyed him suspiciously, not understanding if it was an insult of some sorts.

《Have you slept one hour in… I don’t know, a week? You look like a panda.》 he answered not looking at me.

I was behind some hours of sleep having done some more shifts and staying up late more nights than I should have

reading but I didn’t think it showed that much.

《Oh. I thought I covered it enough.》 I whispered more to myself than him and he didn’t say anything else.

He didn't say anything after that.

During the shift I was a bit like a zombie, but I managed taking a pause when I felt on the verge of sleeping where I was standing. Like now, I was wetting my handkerchief to pass it on my face in hope it would wake me up when a locker was closed behind me and I jumped on the spot. When I turned around, I saw Jake and Simone.

《Are you alright?》 the blonde asked me.

《Yes, yes I'm fine. Running low on sleep.》 I said showing her the wet little thing in my hands. I went to sit down and placed it on my forehead and eyes.

《Could one of you stay here with me? I need just five minutes but wouldn't want to actually fall asleep.》 I asked hoping one of them could stay.

《Yes, of course.》 Simone answered me. I sighed and relaxed on the couch. Right when I did that, I felt sleep clawing my mind and body.

‘Yep, tonight no reading, no nothing. Just sleep.’

At a certain point someone lifted the wet cloth off my eyes, and I whined at the low light disturbing me. A whine left my lips as I tried to place it back down.

《Come on, you said five minutes and they are up.》 a deep voice talked from beside me. I cracked an eye open and scoffed, getting up and going to the sink to wash my face.

《Are you sure you can keep going for three more hours like this?》 he asked looking at me and getting up too.

《I've been through it all this time, might as well finish it. Three hours are nothing really.》 I said. It would have been three more hours, but they will be done sooner that I can count so no need to get cut now.

《Everyone is tired, that does not entitle me to nothing. Besides I'm the reason for my own sleepiness so, no one to blame but oneself.》I added, sighing and squeezing the wet cloth before placing it in my locker to try and dry it off.

I took a deep breath before turning around and going off with Jake on my heel.

As expected, the three hours went on slow but not unbearably so and when I got finally changed, I flew out the restaurant bidding a quick goodnight.

When my apartment lock clicked behind me, I went immediately to the shower, taking a very quick one, and just went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was sound asleep.

The next day I woke up very late probably around 12, didn’t really looked at the clock and wandered around my apartment for my kitchen and some water. Decided to put on some music to wake up a bit and get some chores done before getting a better shower than last night and preparing for work. Tonight, I was excited since after it I had my day off and could not wait for it. I would be staying at home, or I would have gone to the library while the night I was going to Rick’s bar to talk a bit and see if he had some plans for me already for the next few weeks.

So, I spent the few hours I had left putting away some book and decided to make a run to the library to give back some books I had stacked at home for a while and that I finished.

《And this is the last one.》 I said to Martina with an apologetic tone. In total I had to return 20 books and when she saw me with a full bag, she was definitely not ready for this.

《Thank God. I thought they would never finish.》 she said sighing then placed the book in a basket behind her giving me the possibility to admire her beautiful ginger locks cascading on her back. She was a young girl, like me and she was breathtakingly beautiful, her mind sharp as a razor and sly as a fox. She was a great friend I made not too long after coming to New York.

《Sorry, been coming in mostly during the night.》 I explained to her folding my bag and placing it into another one.

《No wonder you look like shit.》 Ah, always so honest.

《Not the first time I hear it this week.》 I answered ready to go off to the restaurant.

《Must be true then. But seriously, take care.》 she said at the end.

《Will try. You too.》 I said and went off.

Right outside the restaurant Sasha and Ari were smoking something and offered me too, to which I declined. Ari scoffed and rolled her eyes while Sasha kept smoking, minding his businesses.

I then entered and went to change. As always, I gave a look at the flowers and rearranged them a bit if needed.

As always, it was a pretty good night, not many assholes, a lot of tips. Me and Jake talked a bit, joked and had our fun. Until a client decided to be very rude with me and Heather, in front of Howard. I kept my mouth shut as tightly as I could knowing he would have taken care of everything when he sent me and Heather back to kitchen.

《I have no words! Did you hear what he said to us? In front of Howard no less – exclaimed her. I looked at her and just went on with my work. – Are not gonna say anything?》

《I’m trying to say nothing cause if I start I’m going out of here and kicking that idiot out myself.》 I answered. To be that stupid and not be able to see it by yourself it’s embarrassing. I took a deep breath and just went on with the night, we hadn’t much more, and I wanted to finish.

Now everything was going bad: the way I got down the steps, the song that was on, the way someone called me over for something. I felt on edge and a bath was going to remedy that a bit, I hoped.

As soon as the shift ended, I got changed at light speed, bid goodnight to who was there and went home. I almost didn’t even take off my shoes before going to the bathroom and start the water.

The steam raising and filling the bathroom was calming by itself. When I got in, I melted and for a second, I thought I would fallen asleep in there. In my mind popped up again the idiot of tonight and it was so disrespectful, I’m happy Howard was there and dealt with everything because that was simply unacceptable.

I shrugged it off and didn’t let it ruin my hot bath.

Then it was time for bed, so I got out of the tub, applied my skincare and went to bed without much else, just wanted to sleep it off.

- Three Months Later -

I liked so much winter in New York. It was cold and allowed me to wear longer skirts and my heavy black coat and I felt amazing wearing those.

In the past few weeks, me and Jake talked a lot, we hanged out. Not much, really, just a coffee here and there, going for breakfast or the shitty diners he loved so much.

After that I thought a lot, pondering on if I should have brought him with me to Rick’s.

It was clear that his invitations were made to not be a stranger anymore and even if I just scratched the surface. Then I decided I would have brought him along.

Hence why I wrote the bar name and the address to the bar in the morning, looking at that piece of paper and giving it my very last thoughts. I still had time since he knew nothing. He really tried and I saw that even if he came along it would not have been so bad. When it was time to go out, I took that little note I put extra care in writing for some silly motive and went to the restaurant.

I got changed quickly and placed the note in the pocket of my pants. I would have given that to him at some point of the shift or before going home.

‘Maybe.’

《Don’t make me regret this. 》I whispered to him as I handed the small piece of paper. He looked intrigued and just slipped it in his pocket, a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and went on with work, feeling vaguely nervous. It was the first time ever someone heard me sing, well, someone I knew. At home my family knew of this, and I always liked to sing for them but here in New York I had no one close to me to that point and so no one knew. Only Howard because sometimes I needed to go out early and he had to know, so it was for strictly professional reasons.

When I got changed into the outfit for the night to save time when I could my hands were a bit sweaty.

‘Oh, come on. I sing in front of so many people every night and I’m getting nervous about a pretty boy. This is ridiculous.’

《Good night everyone!》 I said taking my shot of rum fast since I already had my coat on and closed.

《Night!》 everyone shouted as I got out. I went out fast no seeing Jake.

‘I mean maybe he would not have come.’

I stopped for a second thinking about the fact that he could already have something else to do or simply did not accept my invitation. So, I was getting nervous for nothing. It left a slightly bitter taste on my tongue after all the hanging out for him to not come.

I shrugged it off. It was silly, was it not me this morning who still had doubts about asking him? It’s only fair if he doesn’t come.

I started to walk since I had not time to lose. After a few blocks I noticed someone following me and a silly smile made its way on my face. I stopped to let him catch up to me.

《I already informed you how you are absolutely shit in stalking right?》 I asked in a playful tone.

《Well this time I have an invitation.》 he said smirking, waiving into my face the same note I gave him a couple of hours ago.

《And didn’t I say to not make me regret it?》 I said glaring at him. I took advantage to check how he was dressed: he had a nice white shirt on, no tie, with the first couple of button undone. Black pants and a nice pair of shoes.

《You did not came in tonight dressed like this. Where did you get these clothes?》 I asked while looking at the red light waiting for it to turn green and also at the display of my phone to be sure I was on time.

《Kept them in the locker hoping you would invite me.》 he answered honestly and at that moment the light turned green not giving me the possibility to look at him as all the people started to move, pushing me into doing the same.

Soon enough, we were at the bar. He went in from the front and I got in from the back. As soon as the door of our changing room closed the warm voice of Ambra accompanied me, asking me how work was.

《Good. We have a special guest tonight.》 I said while applying mascara.

She stopped everything she was doing and turned to look at me since special guest might have meat anything really.

When I didn’t turn around to look at her and simply went on its like something clicked.

《Is it the boy?》 she asked, gasping excitedly.

《It is him.》 I answered happy to see her this exited. She squealed like a puppy toy and went into hugging me and jumping around.

《You know I just invited him here to hear me sing right? Nothing else.》 I told her applying the blush and going to grab my lipstick. She looked at me up and down, stopping her celebration all together.

《Famous last words.》 she coughed before going to sit back down. I rolled my eyes and gave her that finishing upvmy make up and ccurling my hair before putting them up. When I went to get up and went to the door, she stopped me.

《Oh no, no, no. You are not wearing that. – she said looking at my dress. It was old and worn out, the rich brown color a bit faded and I used it since I started to work here. It was a piece of my mum I always kept with me, but I also understood it looked like its age – I have the perfect dress for you.》 she said going through her own wardrobe to take out a deep purple dress. It had a layer of black at the end of the skirt were the rich purple silk-like fabric turned chiffon. And it added a lot of dimension. It was a bit longer than my usual dress, this one practically at the floor. The back was cut very low, no straps and a bold neckline too. I undid my hair leaving them down and moving the line to one side, letting them brush behind my back and all over one of my shoulder, the other one free.

《It’s a while I wanted to give you this dress. After a couple of kids my body has definitely changed, and I gained some weight too – she added with a giggle. She was still slaying, and she knew – so I’m giving it to you. I wouldn’t fit into it anymore even if I tired.》 she reassured me even before I spoke.

《Are you sure? It’s so beautiful. I mean you could get it fitted.》 I kept looking at the mirror absolutely mesmerized by the sight of myself: I looked absolutely beautiful.

《It would cost me more than buying another dress. Beside that was never really my color anyway.》 she said finishing herself up too. She was wearing a black dress with some blue accents, her short black hair curled, framing her sweet face.

And then we were off to the stage to sing.

The sweet, beautiful notes of Wake Up Alone started to play introduced by Ambra. Then I took on. We kept on switching during the song, the ladies doing the back voices doing a great job as always.

We sang for the whole night while I tried to spot Jake in the bar and not finding him. Disappointment made its way in me and took a hold of my heart, but I tried to not think about it. I was beautiful, the night was beautiful and I was singing. Nothing else counted right now.

When we were done with the live singing, I felt light so me and Ambra went laughing at the bar and asked Rick for something to drink. Ambra was telling me something, but I was only half listening, looking for Jake around the place.

《Good evening.》 Jakes voice called from behind us. We both turned around, and I looked at him, honestly a bit surprised he was still here since I could not make him out in the small, crowded place.

《Hey. – I could feel Ambra shift beside me wanting to say something but refraining – so, what do you think? As interesting as you thought it would be?》 I asked while leaning back a bit on the counter behind me, taking a sip of my drink. He took a small step forward, checking me out.

《I understand why you never said this to anybody, for sure – he answered – and if I have to be honest it’s more interesting than I expected.》 he concluded.

《I’m happy you liked it. It goes without saying that I would prefer if this stayed between me and you, yes?》 I told him finishing my drink. He simply nodded looking around, absorbing the place.

《In how much does your shift ends?》 he raised him voice a bit, the music starting now a bit loud to talk normally.

《Not much more actually but before – I said getting up and turning to Ambra, offering her a dance – I promised this beautiful lady a dance. If it gets too late or you get bored feel free to go home whenever you want.》 I told him. Then a silly smile was on my face as Ambra followed me hand in hand in the crowd to dance a bit.

《Is that him?》 she exclaimed. I nodded and spun her around.

《Girl. That is a fine young man over there.》 she said and I agreed with her. Jake was handsome for sure, and he did show interest in this 《I hope he will not get distant now that he knows.》 I sighed. She gave me a smile and a few pats on my back. Then we had to hop back on stage for a bit more live singing.

《Thank you as always ladies. Great night tonight too.》 Rick complimented as me and Ambra went to say goodbye.

《Thank you too Rick. It’s a pleasure to sing in such a place.》 Ambra said and I agreed. After that we bid our goodnights and went out.

Jake was waiting for me outside and when Ambra spotted him she elbowed me not so delicately to which I glared at her and she looked at me apologetically, giving me a big hug and winking at me. I sighed at that and said bye to her too.

《You have a great voice by the way.》 he said at a certain point while we were walking.

《Thank you. Been singing since I was a child, so I brought that with me. Something familiar to rely on – I confessed to him – and where exactly are we going?》 I asked noticing we were going back to the restaurant.

《Home?》 he obviously stated.

《No shit Sherlock, I’m going to mine and you to yours.》 I stated. Once we were in front of it, we stopped.

《Goodnight then.》 he said. I nodded and bid him goodnight one last time. I turned around and took a few steps before turning back again to look at him skeptically to which he looked at me confused.

《Are you going to follow me?》 I asked. He simply smirked saying 《I’ll keep you on your toes.》 turning around and walking away.

A confused smile made its way on my face and after a second, I walked away back home.

Since that night me and Jake became even more close. We started hanging out even more, going to places that meant more for both of us, talking a bit of ourselves, not much, especially him but he tried. He just needed someone to talk to, he needed to be listened, and I just did that.

One night he took me to a bar he loved, pretty secluded and that didn’t have a lot of people, but the atmosphere was nice and calming. The place was beautiful too: an old bar that had a very French style in dark colors and a lot of wood, its smell still lingering in the air along with other sweet scents and faint alcohol. The drinks were amazing, and we had a great time talking about our interests, what we liked and what we didn’t like. The books we read, the artists we admire and our favorite drinks while we were there. Then he accompanied me back home where we parted.

In return, and since we both liked to read a lot from what I gathered, I showed him the library. We went there after a rough night and took a book each, sitting down while I made some tea for the both of us and started reading, appreciating each other’s company. When it started to get very late, we took the books and went out talking about what we read these past hours.

Soon I realized that I didn’t mind passing my time with him and a bit later I accepted I was starting to have feelings for him. Once we used our day off to get a backpack to go to Cold Spring, a beautiful town I wanted to visit for a while, and it was not even that far from New York.

That morning, we took a train at 5, so early that it had very few people in it, granting silence to which both me and Jake fell asleep listening to music. The train ride was about an hour, so we didn’t get that much rest but was better than nothing.

We were both dressed comfortably, him with trousers and a sweater and I opted for a more appropriate outfit for walking lot too with a pair of pants and a jumper. I also choose a different coat than the one I wore in the city, opting for a knee-length dark grey one that kept me very warm. When we got off the first thing we did was to find a bar in which we could have breakfast.

The day was about going around as much as possible, so we visited the many churches and appreciated the beauty of them taking many photos, me with my sad phone camera while Jake had his camera with him and took most certainly much better photos than me.

《Will you send me the photos you took later?》 I asked while he was taking another. He nodded and we went on.

It was almost lunch time, so we looked for a parc that was not too crowded and then started to eat in silence. I loved the smell of nature and the bird singing.

While we were still in the town, we also went to a bookstore and grabbed a souvenir: I bought a couple of books, a notebook and a bookmark and he got only the books.

Then it was time to go to the lake. We took a long stroll in the small forest surrounding it and my mind went to much warmer weather where I could come here again and take a bath, or even rent an apartment for a couple of days to disconnect from the city. If he wanted, he could come too, a bit of company would not be that bad. The stroll took longer than anticipated and when we went back in town to look for a nice place to have dinner it was already dark even if it was only around 6 pm.

The temperature dropped drastically, and we opted for a place where we could stay as long as possible to get warm. Between a chat and a warm meal, it was already 9 so we decided to go for the last walk and look at some of the decorative light still hanging from Christmas celebrations.

The streets were more crowded than during the day, so Jake offered me his arm which I took happily, and we walked some more.

Soon it became colder and darker, so we choose to call it a day and go take the train. It was around 10:30 when we took our and we should have been back by midnight.

《Did you had fun today?》 I asked tiredly, yawning right after and getting comfortable in my seat.

《Yes it was very nice, and I took good pictures too.》 he answered going through said photos a bit.

《Mhm, I’m glad.》 I whispered before I dozed off but couldn’t fall asleep. I kept going from asleep to waking up a bit and look around to understand where we were from out of the window.

《Hey, we have to get off.》 a voice called, pulling my arm a bit to get me to wake up. I whined and got a bit more comfortable.

‘Not now that I finally fell asleep…’ another thug made me open my eyes to glare at the source to find Jake. A bit dizzy and confused I got up letting him lead the way, dragging me out with my hand in his.

When we got out of the train cold air surrounded me unexpectedly. I went right away to close my coat better.

Jake dragged me out the station and into the city. Sleep and dizziness didn’t let go of me and noticing it, he slowly walked me home even if I didn’t realize it until I was at my front door and he asked 《Where are your keys?》 to which I looked at him and opened my backpack, muscle memory of where I always put my keys when I had it kicking in.

Jake made me the favor of opening the door of my apartment for me and lightly pushing me in. I took off my coat slowly and then went for my shoes. When I finally got them off, I went for my bed and just let myself fall on it.

I adjusted my body to a more comfortable position and right when I was falling asleep, I heard the door of my apartment close softly.

The next morning, I woke up late. Yesterday was a long day even if I had a lot of fun and it’s been a while since I last made such a trip. When I went to the kitchen a small note was waiting for me on the table. I started to prepare a coffee and then took the small piece of paper.

I left your keys at the entrance.

-Jake

I folded it back and placed it in a stack of notes in my desk. After my coffee I took all the things I brought with me yesterday from the backpack and placed them back where they should be, loading the dishwasher and starting the washing machine.

With some music in the background, I started to read a book, the one I got that night with Jake at the library. The ones I bought yesterday must wait until I finish this one.

And so, between music and books, it was time to go back to work.

《I heard you went out of city yesterday?》 Simone told me while I changed.

《Mm? Oh yeah, wanted to go out of New York for a while now and yesterday was the perfect day to do so.》 I answered nonchalantly, wearing my pants.

A long pause stretched between us. I had nothing else to say really so I just kept quiet but apparently, she wanted to press on.

《And did you went alone?》

《Simone – I called her out with a flat tone – if you already know I did not went alone don’t ask and if it bothers you just tell me.》 I said, buttoning up my stripes.

《It doesn’t bother me, was just asking.》 she replied.

I didn’t understand what the point was if the first thing Jake did was run to her and tell her everything. I liked Simone as long as she didn’t put her nose in my business which happened more often now that me and Jake were hanging out.

And I didn’t like that. But she seemed off, been like this for a while now.

I closed my locker and went out, right in that moment Jake was coming up and I gave him a small smile.

《Thank you for the keys. And the note.》

《No problem.》

And I was off.

The night went on well as expected. It was like I never got a day off and of course I was updated on all the latest gossip by Ari and Sasha.

As always, we laughed a lot, and I felt like the restaurant was more wholesome. So tonight, I smiled more, I was more polite and even warmer with the guests. It felt a bit like home. And under certain lights it was.

《I don’t know why I prefer rum, okay? I just do.》 I said to Jake as I sat on the counter with the drink he just did in hand.

《There has to be some sort of reason. It’s like a drink: you have reasons of why you prefer a certain drink rather than another.》 he said as he poured his own drink.

《Ah! That is not true, in a drink you mix different flavors, so the alcohol is blended in them.》 I corrected him taking a sip of my very well done Negroni. He shrugged and started to drink his own, leaning on the counter next to me.

A long, comfortable silence stretched on as I listened to the music in the background and just swung my feet to the bits of an ending song. When the first notes of Koop Island Blues started, I drank a bit more before getting up and dragging Jake with me.

《Don’t care if you don’t dance. You do now.》 I said taking his hand and placing it on my waist while I placed mine on his shoulder. He smirked before pulling me closer and I felt my cheeks grow warm, butterflies raising in my stomach. And then we started dancing slowly to the song. I looked at him in the eyes for the whole time and I got lost in them. Maybe it was the drink, maybe the nice night at work, maybe something else but for a bit everything disappeared, it was just me and him, dancing and drinking. And it felt good, dreamy. In my life I’ve never felt this close with someone else.

I had nights that felt like a dream, friends by my side as we danced all night, but I never had experienced something so different and almost intimate by just looking at each other, fully clothed, dancing. And we were just dancing, that’s what made it so beautiful. He spun me a couple of times, and when I was back, he pulled me closer, just a bit, his hand going more to the center of my back, and butterflies would rise all over again. And I knew that it could be not right but at the same time it was okay. I cared for him deeply and I trusted him, hopefully he trusted me too. Sometime during the dance, I brought both my hands on his shoulders, and his hand found my waist. He caressed that part before hugging me, never stopping the dance. I hugged him too, sighing in content.

Then he pulled away, kissing my cheek and looking deeply into my eyes, getting slightly closer, his eyes slipping to my lips a few times.

When our mouths touched, we both melted in the contact. After a bit his hands took a hold of my hips before he lifted me to wrap my legs around his waist and walked towards the counter, placing me there so I could sit, never pulling away once. His hands went everywhere, my back, my legs covered by the long, light skirt, my arms and hands which he also kissed before going back to my mouth and deepening the kiss, pulling me impossibly close.

As he pulled away so we could both catch our breath I caressed the nape of his neck, keeping my eyes closed and just relishing in the moment.

A moan got caught in my throat when he kissed me again, slowly this time.

I felt myself becoming wet and hot when I felt his erection press up against me, a whine getting caught in his own throat. He lifted me up again, his mouth moving to my neck too 《Bedroom.》 he whispered in my ear before biting the skin on my neck.

《F-first on the left.》 I answered impatiently. He found it without any problem and before I knew I was laying in my bed while he looked down at me taking his shirt off and unbuckling his belt.

In a moment he was by my side, his pants still on, as he had me on his lap, taking my dress off, slowly sliding off the short sleeves. I was wearing nothing underneath because I was more comfortable like that around the house and I felt self-conscious, my hands going to cover up my chest and my legs closing for how much they could. Jake smiled at me and took my arms kissing them before bringing both over his shoulders and kissing my neck again, going lower this time. When he was at my breast he kissed them, took them in his hands, played with them until I was completely out of breath, running my fingers through his hair.

Before I could realize I was lying again in my bed, his lips on mine before going down again, kissing my neck, my shoulders, my breasts again, my stomach and then jumping to my thighs, starting from the knee before going up, biting softly the skin and sending shivers down my spine. I was panting when he kissed under my stomach again.

A gasp left me when he kissed my clit, licking a long, slow stripe from my entrance and up. His hands went to my hips in the attempt of hold me still.

He unhurriedly increased the pace and when I looked down, he was already looking at me. I moaned before my hand went to his hair trying to steady myself from the pleasure. A low moan came from the back of his throat and my grip tightened.

《J-Jake… Jake, I- you-》 I stuttered but my point got across for he pulled me closer and dove deeper, making me arch my back and moan his name. Soon I came and he kept going through my high, licking me more sensually and sometimes kissing my thighs.

He returned his lips on mine and my neck before he undressed himself of his remaining clothes and kissed me again, lining himself up to my entrance.

《You sure?》 he asked out of breath, grinding himself on me and biting his lip to hold back a moan that came out as a broken gasp.

《Yeah.》 I answered pulling him close to me and kissing him again.

Then his cock sank into me, and I whined into his mouth, my hands pulling his hair. His hips stuttered and he went in too fast making me hold onto him tighter, gasping.

《Sorry.》 he whispered brokenly on my neck going in the last couple of inches left and staying still, waiting for me to adjust. He was definitely big, but the stretch was so good.

His hands caressed my sides while I played with his hair. He was breathing heavily and after a bit of waiting he started to grind into me to which I bit my lip but didn’t stop him. He tentatively pulled out a little only to sink back in, moaning in my ear.

《You feel amazing…》 he praised, his gruff voice making me shiver even before he started to actually move. Not fast, he deliberately pulled out almost all the way to just push in deeper every time.

His mouth kept alternating between biting and kissing lips and sucking on my neck and chest, his hands still on my sides.

He gave me one last kiss before adjusting our bodies so that he could stand up to end of the bed and bringing my legs on his shoulder pushing in hard.

My back arched and my hands gripped the sheets, a long moan leaving my lips. And then he did it again, and again

《Yes! R-right there Jake…》 and his pace went a bit faster, hitting a wonderful spot inside of me that made me see stars. One of his hands went to my collarbone, sliding down to my belly and pressing down.

His pace became more rough, more impatient, his thrusts more erratic and then he bended over me, leaving my legs on his sides to kiss me again.

《Fuck, fuck- you feel so good, so fucking good. C-can I come inside? Please, please, please- fuck. You’re squeezing me so tight… so good, you’re so good- fuck…》 he cursed into my neck. It took a bit for his words to register in my brain.

《C-can I?》 he asked again. And I nodded in a frenzy, feeling myself getting close again.

His fingers then went to rub on my clit while he watched my face contort in pleasure and my body shivering.

《Yes! Yes, please, come inside - you feel so good, so good…》 I moaned, in my mind only him and his body.

After a few more thrusts we both came undone. His arms sneaked around my back to hug me, and I did the same with my arms around his shoulders. His hips grinded a bit more in me before he pulled out. I closed my eyes, completely spent and tired but satisfied. After bit a towel met my thighs and pussy. When Jake cleaned himself too, he climbed on the bed by my side, got under the covers and hugged me, his head on my chest.

《Thank you…》 he whispered.

《Thank you too.》 I answered, kissing his head.

And fell asleep like that.

The next day the first thing I felt was Jake’s body pressed against my back, on hand on my hip and the other on my chest.

I took a deep breath before I relaxed in his hold, pressing myself better against him and relishing in the closeness some more.

When I turned in his embrace, I felt soreness in my whole body and a pleasurable ache between my legs. My arms hugged his naked torso, and I hid my head under his chin, giving his neck a few kisses.

It was a nice feeling, to not wake up alone like every day, wondering and thinking.

After I don’t know how much time I got up, leaving Jake in bed a bit more, and got a simple dress out of my wardrobe. It was a pale blue color, long until half my calves, and had thin straps to keep it on my shoulders. And then I was off to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

I decided to put on some music, keeping the volume low to not disturb Jake if he was still sleeping and got started. When I was placing down everything, I felt a pair of hands on my hips and smiled, finishing up the table.

《Morning.》 he whispered in my ear, kissing my neck and shoulders right after. His hands tracing up my sides until under my breasts.

《Good morning.》 I breathed out, leaning my head on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a bit before we sat down to eat, a comfortable silence fell on us like a blanket and the music still on made for a nice murmur.

《You know… – Jake started as I was sipping on my coffee – I’m starting to cut things off with Simone.》 he confessed. I looked at him confused, what does that mean? Cutting things off with her? How? Why?

《We had been spending a lot of time together and I think it’s best like this… – he went on since I kept silent – also talking to you I started to understand a few things and I think Simone is not a good presence?》 he concluded a little bit more insecure this time. I kept looking at his waiting for him to continue but he didn’t.

《It’s not my place to say what you should do with the relationship you had and still have with her. Whatever it is, I’ll be there with you, okay? If you think she is not a good presence in your life anymore I’ll try to be by your side, as a friend or whatever. I’ll not substitute her.》 Never. I said choosing my words carefully. I offered him a hand that he took and squeezed to which I squeezed back reassuringly. I started to get up

《Come on now, we have to get ready.》

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A/n: Thanks to whoever made it to the end, I hope I didn't bore you too much and I would also like to disclaim that under this message there are going to be drawings I personally made for the story. Those are three outfits I very clearly imagined on her: the one when she goes to home bar, the one when she sings and Jake is there too, and the one she wears at the end when she is at home with Jake. If you don't like them please don't freely insult me or my art style.

P.s the aspect of the girls in the drawings are how I imagined the protagonist to look like. This is a Reader x Jake story, I omitted anything that had to do with Readers appearance for this reason, only what she wears is described.

Thanks, bye.

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 © — do not copy, translate, repost or modify my works on any platform.

#jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter #jake x reader (sweetbitter)#jake x y/n (sweetbitter)

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tsintotwo · 2 years ago

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[59 Hours, Part 6. (Part 5 here). Jake (Sweetbitter) x Reader. Guys, this is done. Finished. This last part is a bit long, and expect a bunch of angst for obvious reasons. I legit only had one idea for one scene when I started this, and it turned into a literal novella- a journey I enjoyed. Thank you so much if you’ve been with it thus far, reading and engaging, and let me know if this wrapped up okay for you.]

Hour 39

‘For fuck’s sake.’, mutters Jake, as the apartment plunges into darkness for the fourth time within the hour.

It started happening just when you were finally getting ready to settle down for the night. After being together, both of you had collapsed in place on the floor. The shadow panic from your past was trying to pull you under again, so you held onto Jake. It was more desperate clutching than holding, and you were aware of that, but you couldn’t stop yourself, because what if he pushes me away now, he didn’t even want me, just games, he’s angry with me anyway, he hates me, he’ll shake me off and walk away disgusted right now, please no- but Jake didn’t do any of that. He just hugged you close, catching his breath, slowly relaxing into your arms.

There wasn’t much talking. You cleaned yourselves up a while later. In addition to all the other things, it was already past any sort of reasonable bedtime (for you anyway, you’re sure Jake is the late-nights-late-mornings kinda dude), so you should’ve been exhausted. And you were, but you still felt wound up and restless.

Truth is, as soon as Jake and you'd broken apart, you felt his absence all over you, with your whole being. You didn't want to let go of him. And when you physically did, when you weren’t holding him, touching him, you wanted to feel that you still could- that anytime you reached out, he’d reach back, and it would be as easy as breathing. It’s what you wanted because it’s what you felt- the amount of closeness you felt with him was powerful without rhyme or reason, wreaking havoc within you like the blizzard did in the city yesterday.

But Jake- how did he feel? The fight and then the intimacy – it was tangled, and complicated, and now you didn’t know where you stood with him. And you were scared, so scared, because you were thinking- what if he doesn’t feel the same way?, and then, but what if he does? What then?

You tried to compose yourself as Jake walked back into the bedroom. It didn’t matter that as soon as you saw him again you wanted to go right back into his arms. He deserved space, and maybe you needed distance too. Needed to clear your head, think. Though how any sort of thinking was going to help you anymore, you didn’t know. You were just opening your mouth to tell him you were fine with the couch tonight- will he shrug and go to sleep on his own, will he throw me a look, then pull me into the bed with him- and that’s when the lights went out.

The power lines are glitching. You lit the two candles you got from the Chinese takeout people and were getting ready for a trial like last night- putting on clothes, socks- Jake also doing the same- when the lights came back. Then they went out again ten minutes later. It’s been happening in irregular intervals since. Something must have gone pop in a shower of sparks somewhere, and they’re trying to fix it now.

You guess you could still go to sleep. Turn off the lights, keep all the clothes on, curl into your couch, and when you started feeling so hot it woke you up, you’d know the heating was on and power came back for real (or if you started feeling so cold your feet felt like they were going to fall off, maybe you’d ask Jake to please share his bed and blanket). But Jake sits in his bed, leaning back, one knee up, one stretched, absently pulling on the strings of his hoodie, looking like he has no intention of sleeping tonight. So you sit quietly on the couch too, not knowing what to do.

But just taking some time to relax, just being in your own space and watching Jake be in his has calmed you somewhat. The chaos of your feelings is settling into a deep blue harmony, and the one outstanding note says end, finish, over- this is your last night here, one of your last few hours with Jake. You’ll be gone tomorrow, never see him again. And soon as that happens, you’ll probably dissipate from his mind and memory like the smoke of his cigarettes, because why would he bother to remember you? All you did was try to meddle in business that’s not yours. You’ve known him for two days- what gave you the right to charge him about how he handles his relationships and feelings?

So while you’re still here, maybe you should make sure to set things right. So that if he ever thinks of you, he won’t feel like shoving the thought away the next second- you hope.

‘I said things maybe I shouldn’t have.’, you say, gathering the courage finally. ‘I’m sorry, Jake.’,

‘Are you?’, he is looking out the window, even though it’s just a blotted square and the only thing to see through it is dark gray nothing.

You take a deep breath, ‘I am if I hurt you, made you feel bad with the way I said them. I-I wanted to-‘, you stop. It’s hard for you to make this apology because while you are sorry if you hurt him, you don’t actually think you were wrong about any of the things you said, and you do still think hearing them- maybe in a better way than you told it- was necessary for him.

‘I wanted you to know that talking to people about deep things isn’t so bad, and you gotta do it sometimes. I guess I did that the worst possible way, and I’m sorry.‘

‘Hm’, Jake sits up straighter, leans towards you slightly from his position on the bed, ‘so tell me, exactly how sorry were you when you couldn’t stop moaning and scr-‘

‘Jake!’, you stop him, blushing in the dark, and see him smile in the flickering orange glow of the candles on his bedside table. He’s making jokes, and you’re relieved beyond anything else- he doesn’t hate you. ‘No, I’m not sorry about that part.’, you confess.

He nods slightly, ‘Good.’ Then he sighs, ‘And I do have people that I talk to. So, whatever, you don’t need to worry.’ He doesn’t mean it in a snarky way, he’s just letting you know.

‘You mean Simone.’, you say before you can stop yourself.

‘Yes.’, he’s watching you, wary, and oh, God, oh, God, here you go again.

‘Have you told her about me yet?’, you ask.

He looks away, not answering.

‘Are you going to?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why? She’s your best friend, best confidante- you just said that.’

‘She doesn’t need to know everything-‘

‘Jake-’ you realize your pulse rate is rising, and try to calm yourself down. If you’re doing this, you aren’t botching it like last time. ‘I get that this- me being here- might not be such a big event for you that you’d want to promote it everywhere. But if you’re talking about what you did for the two days stuck at home, and you don’t even mention me, that’s weird-’

‘Oh, yeah, maybe I’ll mention you. Tell everyone I fucked a random girl in my apartment. They haven’t heard that enough times, I’m sure they’ll be riveted-‘

He’s doing it again, retreating and hitting back, trying to hurt whoever tries to peer too close- but you know what, you’re not backing down this time, you’re not losing your calm, because if he can say his things, you can say yours too, can’t you?

‘Yeah, that’s what you’ll say. But you won’t say how you liked it when I cooked for you or how nice that conversation was, you won’t say that you had me in your bed but not for sex- you found peace with me holding you, you won’t say how you felt when I touched and kissed every inch of you and it wasn’t just because I wanted your body, or how you felt when you did the same to me. You won’t say how easy it is to talk to me or even to be with me in silence when you’re not pulling away. You won’t say any of that, to anyone, and not to Simone.’

You can hear Jake’s breathing from here, can make out his chest rising and falling with the effort of it. Then a sudden harsh glare blinds both of you for a moment- power is back again.

As you both blink, adjusting to the light, you take deep breaths. Where did your resolve go- that you wouldn’t do this? Jake has lived his life without you this far and he will for the rest of it, where do you, a two-day stranger- figure into this? Just because he makes you feel things you haven’t in a long while, or ever, you can’t hope it’s the same for him. Nothing that happened in this apartment was meant to last, was it? How you feel- just push it down, bury it under, and go on to your real life, because this is what you do- the sensible thing.

But is it sensible to ignore what’s right in front of you, what you can clearly see- that however he feels about you, it’s not nothing, that you have an effect on him just as he has one on you? Is it sensible to try spending the rest of your life forgetting a person and regretting how you could have tried- if not to have them, then to have them be in a place they deserve to be?

And you’re not you in this apartment, you’re someone else. You’re reckless. You don’t calculate, don’t make the best plans. You rush in headfirst, you fall dizzyingly, you defy, you hope. So what if you didn’t give up just yet, even if you don’t know what it is that you’re trying to save? What if you wanted more, even if it meant you have to fight tooth-and-claws for it? Maybe there's nothing to gain, but you've got nothing to lose.

You go and sit on the foot of Jake’s bed. Talking to people is your job, and while survey questionnaires might be the same for everyone you talk to, the exact way of asking the questions is up to you. Everyone responds to a different style, and with Jake, you have to take every bit of care you can.

‘Jake’, you are calm and steady, imploring softly, ‘I’m just trying to understand, please. Just a few simple questions that I have- would you answer? It’s okay if you don’t, but please try. When you said you had the idea for a business, did you tell Simone right away?’

The pause is long enough that you think he won’t answer. But then he says, ‘No. I told her when I wanted to sell the house. She needed to know…’

‘Okay. And you were telling me about how you don’t like to visit home, but she insists that you go?’

‘It’s not fair for her to go alone either. It’s our house, if she’s going-‘

‘What would she do if she found you like I found you last night? Bad trip?’, you hold your breath, this is a touchy one. But Jake answers like he doesn’t have to think, ‘Take care of me, then call me a fucking idiot for swallowing that stuff alone at home’. He wasn’t alone, but you guess he means not in a group or having a party.

‘So she’d judge you for it?’, you ask.

Jake frowns, ‘It’s not judging, we can say that stuff to each other. Whatever.’

‘And if the whole thing was reversed? You found her in her apartment, alone, having a bad trip? Would you call her a fucking idiot?’

‘Wh- no! She’s not an idiot, if she did something like that, that’d mean something was seriously messed up-‘

‘So she is not an idiot, but you are, for the same thing? Jake, is that what you believe?’

Jake’s face crumples in confusion and annoyance. ‘Stop talking.’, he says, holding up a hand, ‘Turning around my words- you don’t even know Simone-‘

‘No, I don’t!’, you interrupt, ‘And that’s why I’m asking. And, completely based on what you’ve told me here’s what I now know- she chose most of your workplaces. She chooses when you visit the cape. She judges your decisions. And when you told her you’d start a new thing for yourself, she wasn’t happy, excited, or encouraging, she was just sad. And that made you give it up. Jake, there’s a… power imbalance here. Her terms always matter more than yours.’

‘Will you shut the fuck up?’, Jake slides off the bed so quickly, you almost miss it. ‘Jesus!’, he’s shouting at you now, only his voice gets deeper instead of higher, so the sound is like an animal growling. ‘What is wrong with you? Simone looks out for me, and you’d twist that like-‘

‘I’m sorry!’, your voice is rising to keep up with his volume, but you still try to keep it steady, ‘I get it! If someone I’ve known for two days started talking trash about someone I’ve known and loved my whole life, I wouldn’t trust them either. I swear I’m not trying to come between you two. I- you told me you both only had each other growing up, and of course you care about each other. It’s just, you two are different, so over the years you learned how to stay no matter what, and she learned how to not let go no matter what-‘

‘She was the only one there!’, Jake’s eyes are burning. He looks at you, but you feel like he’s seeing something that’s not even here. ‘That whole day, looking for mom, not even- no one even looking at first, because who knew where the fuck she decided to hole up today- and then looking, everyone, me waiting for her, crying myself to sleep, and then they pull her up from the sea that day’- Some kind of floodgate has opened, and he talks like he’s mad, ‘the house full of police and reporters from some shit local paper and people I haven’t seen once in my life, bringing stupid seafood platters, going ‘Aw, poor kid’, pinching my cheek, then leaving like they’d fucking done something.’ Jake’s eyes are glistening with tears, and you feel your eyes sting too. The pain is so raw in the air now, still. ‘My dad didn’t even know where I was half the time- Simone found me, she gave me cookies, took me in her house, played with me.’

The energy that’s always so coiled within Jake is pouring out now, uncontrolled, and he pants, hands flailing, feet shifting, ‘And, and the kids at school- where’s your mommy, Jake? Where’s mommy?- Teachers looking at me like I was some fucking alien they didn’t know how to talk to-‘

He’s moving away as he talks, and you stand up, taking steps toward him. ‘-My dad drinking all day every day, disappearing to who knows where then coming back just to fucking beat me up, I was fucking glad when he didn’t come back-‘

‘Jake-‘, you whisper, your heart breaking for him.

‘And I was all alone, no one wanted me, who would? Only Simone, she’s the only one who gives a shit-‘, he’s walking backwards, ‘So don’t fucking tell me I don’t need her. You don’t know -‘

‘Jake!’, you’re trying to stand in front of him, but he keeps moving away, ‘Listen to me-‘

‘No! Just how much more of this bullshit do you have left? ‘Cause-‘

‘Just listen-‘

‘WHY?’, he roars, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ And you don’t know what comes over you, but in two steps you’re almost onto him, and using all your strength, you push him back to the wall that you both were nearing, your hands on his chest. He’s shaking, and you are too. Your entire inside feels like it’s burning up in hot, agonizing flames and with a sinking feeling you think this- this is what we become-I don’t make him better, we both make each other worse- but no. No. You won’t give into that dynamic, that thought, you won’t scream, won’t lose it, won’t be toxic. You will tell him what you want to, that much you’ll do. And then you’ll let go- of him, of it, of everything.

Jake’s eyes blaze. He's just shocked enough that he hasn't shaken you off, shoved you away yet, but he will, and you have to start before that.

‘Jake.’, you gulp in as much air as you can, ‘I’m nobody. No one. I’m just a random girl. But I have a story for you. I’ll tell that story now. You don’t have to do anything but listen.’ You take one second to gather your thoughts. ‘On my fourteenth birthday, my mom sat me down and told me how proud she was of me. Dad had left, and things were tough, but I had been so good. Such a big girl already, always doing my homework, helping with my siblings, never a complaint, always by her side when she needed me. And then she told me she’d need more help.’

Jake is listening, good, ‘She was picking up another job, and I would need to babysit more, and do more chores, and I would, wouldn’t I, I was her best girl! She hugged me, braided my hair all nice, sent me to bed with the sweetest forehead kiss. And seven years later, when I was twenty one, I realized no one in the world actually gives a single fuck about me.’

You take a shaky breath, ‘It was right after I finally managed to leave my ex, breaking into millions of pieces inside even though I knew he was terrible to me. I came home at night, and it was like a cemetery, even with three people in it. My sister was 15, up in her room with her phone, texting boys she’d never tell me about because I was too strict, I tried to control everything. My brother was 11, asleep, and I was too old to feel like a sister to him, he was afraid of me- and I don’t blame him, I had been cross and impatient with him so many times. And my mom- she was in one of her depressive episodes, more and more every month, she hadn’t gone to work for three days, locked herself in her room. No one had cooked anything, no one ever did when I didn’t. No leftover for me in the fridge that I’d hoped would be there, no one to talk to. This was the emptiness I was afraid of, that made me take so long to break it off with that fucker, that if I let go of that one thing, there would be nothing for me. There wasn’t, not a single person who had a single thought to spare for me, and you know what I realized? I only had myself to blame.’

It's harder for you to talk now, and you have to make an effort to keep your voice from shaking, ‘At fourteen, I got stuck being my mom’s ‘best girl’. I didn’t have time to hang out with friends, I didn’t have time for the boys who liked me- there was one who swore he was in love with me in senior year, and I broke his heart in front of his friends when I told him I wouldn’t go to prom with him. I didn’t have time. I worked jobs, I did household chores, I took care of my siblings, and I felt it was all worth it when mom looked at me in that way, smiled that smile at me- letting me know how much of a relief it is that she could count on me, that I was there, telling me and anyone she met that I was the best daughter in the whole world. It didn’t matter dad left, and my sister and brother felt more like jobs than siblings- I wasn’t unloved, mom loved me so much, so, so much. I didn’t notice it dry up over the years, I didn’t see that she started taking everything I did for granted, I didn’t see when everyone who cared about me, or tried to care about me dropped off from my periphery. I lived for my mother’s smile, and as it became rarer, I became more desperate, tried to do more, blamed it all on her depression, but at twenty one, I realized all that’s left was me, all alone.’

You swallow, feeling tears run down your cheek. You have never told anyone all this. Jake is like a stone statue, listening to you, ‘We do that, Jake.’, you say, wiping your face, ‘We get stuck. We think the one person who loved us at fourteen is still the only one who’d care about us at forty, and we put all our coins on that bet, becoming what they wanted us to become. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes you need them, and they need you, but sometimes, it’s all you, blind, going around in a circle.’

You take your hands off Jake’s body, stepping back. ‘You were right, I don’t know Simone. But I know we all are some kind of broken. She must be too, she’s dealing with that like she knows how, and maybe that’s how you get stuck, you both do.’

You’re fully clothed still, you realize, but the power has been back for a while now, and it’s hot. You take off your coat, feeling so tired, suddenly. You’ve been talking so much. ‘I’m not trying to save you or anything, Jake- ha, goodness knows I got my hands full with myself- and no one can save anyone anyway. You don’t need saving. You just need to see. You weren’t loved enough when you were a kid, and I’m so sorry about that, but that isn’t a lifelong truth about who you are. Simone was the only one who gave a shit, but she doesn’t have to be the only one now, and you don't have to be the only one for her either. I’m nobody, and you wouldn’t want me anyway, but one day you’ll meet someone and-’, stupid tears welling up again, weren’t you supposed to let go?-‘if you let them, you’ll see just how much they’ll love you. Or maybe you don’t meet just one person- you have beautiful things with multiple people- that can also happen. But you have to let them know and love you, Jake, let them have the whole of you, not a walled-up version, not just a Jake half of Jake-and-Simone. You can’t get stuck being that, trying to live your life around that forever. Just being with you for two days I’ve seen it, and you have to see too- you could be so much more.’

Jake is very still, barely even blinking, and you don’t have anything else to tell him that he needs to hear. You still talk though, you can’t stop, because as pathetic as it is, you never had anyone to say this stuff to before, ‘As for me, I’m still at home taking care of things, but I don’t plan to be doing this forever. Mom- her depression is real, and while what she did to me wasn’t fair, I can’t hate her for that. I’ll get her help. Mental health treatment is so fucking expensive… but I’m trying to talk to some organizations who might help. I can’t keep taking care of her all her life. My siblings are growing up, they won’t need me that much. I’m saving money. I’ll get out one day. And meanwhile, I took on this job because I get to travel. Thought I’d meet people, live a little, even if that means getting stuck in surprise blizzards in crazy cities.’ You try to smile, though your eyes are hazy with tears, ‘Maybe I’ll meet someone too, and they’ll love me, take care of me for a change. I want that. Not gonna lie, kinda forgot what it feels like-‘

Jake’s hand reaches out to grab you behind your neck, then he’s pressing your face onto his chest, and hugging you so tight you think he’s trying to mark your skin, get under it, sink into your bloodstream. You’re sobbing, holding him like he’s the last iceberg while the Titanic sinks behind you, and you think maybe he’s crying too, but you don’t know, you can’t see his face, and it doesn’t matter anyway, because at this moment, right now, you two understand each other, know each other perfectly, without having to exchange a single word.

Hour 42

Huddling under the blanket together, you two have Chinese leftover right out of the boxes like little kids. Crying really takes it out of you, and it’s been hours since you last ate. Jake groans about the possibility of food getting on his bed- he’s a bit of a clean freak- and you counter that you got much worse things on his carpet earlier, and he has to agree. He asks about birth control, serious- he didn’t use protection the last time, and you assure him that based on your cycle, you should be safe, but you’ll take a pill tomorrow anyway.

Then you’re ready for sleep, finally. It’s about to be dawn, but peering out of his window, you can’t see anything, the sky still dark with clouds. The big Chinese place sign is lit, washing his bed with soft yellow light as Jake turns the apartment lights off. He comes up behind you on the bed, you turn, and somehow you end up on your knees opposite each other, foreheads touching.

‘Jake,’, you say, voice tiny.

‘Mm.’, his arms are around your back, pinpricks of light in his eyes, earring glinting.

‘I like you.’, you feel like you’re in fifth grade again, confessing to a boy for the first time, but you didn’t get to do that stuff in fifth grade, did you, so you’ll do it now. Maybe the person is wrong, or maybe it’s the time, or the place, or just the situation, but why think so much when it’s all about to be over anyway? You’ve got enough of living with regrets. ‘You don’t have to-‘, you swallow, ‘You don’t have to say anything. I just thought I’d tell-‘

He stops you with a kiss, his mouth slowly devouring yours, long and tender. When you come up for air after what seems like ages, breathless, foreheads touching again, he murmurs, ‘Move to New York.’

‘You move to my hometown.’, you whisper, challenging him back, ‘I think that pub in the next town over is still looking for a bartender.’

He laughs, shaking silently, and you laugh too, and you both know neither of you are moving. Life is not a movie, and be it your roots or be it shackles, you don’t get to cut off and escape in a day. The best you can hope for is the promise of trying- to no one else, but to yourself.

‘Come to sleep.’, Jake pulls you next to him under the blanket, and when he kisses you on the forehead you think you might cry, but then you’re all snug and tiny in his arms, your face pressed against his chest, breathing him in, and you think how you have this moment, how you’ll always have this moment, no matter what.

Hour 49

You wake up to see Jake ready for going out. He’s wearing what must be their uniform at the restaurant- striped button-up, slacks, and a tie.

‘Nice outfit’, you observe.

‘Shut up’, he mutters, trying to get his hair to behave with a brush. ‘Locker room lock is jammed, apparently.’

‘Pulling it off, though.’, you tell him, ‘I want to tip you already.’

He half-smiles, putting down the brush. ‘I gotta be at work.’, he says, ‘We open at four but lots to do before-‘

‘Okay.’, you don’t need to know any more than the fact that he’s leaving now. ‘When does your shift end?’

‘Eleven.’

You’re not seeing him again. Trying to ignore the snaking pain the thought brings with it, you say, ‘Okay. Give me just fifteen minutes. I’ll get out with you now and wait it out at the airport-‘

He gives you a look, ‘Where do you get these ideas? Your flight is at two in the morning.’

He was listening last evening after all, even though all he’d said was ‘Good.’

‘Yeah, but-‘

He throws you his keys, ‘Just lock up before you leave. Leave the keys with the Chinese people.’

‘What, you know them?’

‘No, but I think I should. Food was great.’

You smile, ‘Yeah.’

Jake has shaved this morning. It makes him look much younger, and softer, and it hurts to look at him. ‘I’ll get out around ten at night.’, you tell him.

He nods, not saying anything.

At the door, you kiss. He tells you he’s running late, then kisses you again. He lets his forehead fall on your shoulder for a few seconds, breathing, arms around your waist, and you keep blinking as you run your hand on the back of his head, letting your fingers wind in his hair, messing it up again.

He doesn’t know where you work, your address except the name of your town. He doesn’t ask for your phone number, your social media handles (which in any case you don’t have that many of). He was never going to call you anyway, and what would he have said if he did? And what would you say back? So you understand, and you don’t ask for his things either.

You two lock eyes for a few moments, and you try to memorize him- the raven black hair messy in the back, the ring of amber around the pupils of his blue eyes, the groove on his nose, the unexpectedly pretty mouth. The earring and the chain, the tattoo on his arm that you can see because he has his sleeves rolled back. All of it is overlaid on memories that you made in the last two days- his smokey kisses and pink cheeks when he came in from the snow and hoarse voice and saying your name over and over- too many memories. They’ll last you a lifetime. They have to.

He puts on his coat and leaves, not looking back.

You walk aimlessly around the apartment. Shower. Gather your things in the backpack. Go to the place downstairs, now open, and get some more Chinese food. Chat with the owner folks again for a few minutes, thanking them for the candles. Come back, browse the internet- parts of the city are still ravaged but things are almost back to normal- it’s NYC after all. You plan your travel and work schedule for the next two days, putting things down in the calendar. You never did get the survey done in the city, you’ll tell them to send someone else for it next time.

Time moves slowly, and you miss Jake like you can’t breathe. Eventually, you pick up the t-shirt he took off before leaving. You take off your own top, slip Jake’s shirt on, and curl up on his side of the bed. ‘Very 90s rom-comey’, you think to yourself, ‘but nobody’s gonna see me anyway.’

Hour 59

You thought about it many times- you could just go to him. Swing by the Union Square Café. Just show up. He’ll be the one mixing drinks behind the bar. Maybe you could order something. Really tip him this time, bring that joke full circle.

But you don’t do it. You won’t. You’ve said your goodbyes. You don’t know how he’ll feel about you showing up unannounced in his workplace. And what’s the point anyway? You’ll just be saying the same goodbyes again.

Your Uber is arriving, so you come downstairs. You look up at the building once, at the window with the big Chinese sign. In that apartment, you were someone else, but now, outside it, you still feel different. Jake gave you something, you can’t put your finger on it. Maybe it’s just the part of you that felt that he gave you back. Day after day, thinking about work, plans, moves, strategies about life, things, other people- all of it blended into an endless muddy brown haze, with only the possibility of a light at the distant end of it, and then you met Jake, and he made you feel- emotions and connection and so many things you can’t even name. He’s hot and smooth and all that, and he and you bonded over trauma maybe, but this is really why you liked him so much. Still do- you think, helplessly trying to push down the clench of hurt inside your chest. God, imagine having to get over someone you were never even with- ooh no, you don’t have to imagine, you’ll be doing that now, for who know how long.

You look at the app. Your Uber car is stuck in traffic. Someone veers their bike into the alley with an alarmingly reckless speed, as if their life depended on it, and then they come to stop in front of you and your heart stops beating. It’s Jake. He’s back.

He lets the bike fall, ‘Thought I’d missed you. My windows are dark and you weren’t at the front door of the building.’, he’s panting, trying to catch his breath.

It occurs to you that this is the side door. You used this one because it’s the one you know.

‘What are you doing here?’, you manage to ask. You’ll have to leave in minutes but just seeing him now your body hums and buzzes like it just received the headiest dose of happiness of your life.

‘Wanted to see you.’, Jake says, and this man of yours, words are not his preference, are they, because then he pins you to the wall, and kisses you on the mouth.

‘Thought you didn’t get off until eleven’, you say in between the kisses, breathless, unbuttoning his coat and slipping your hand inside, sliding it on his chest over his shirt.

‘Oh, I’m not off. Just told Nick to cover me for five minutes and bailed.’ He unzips your coat, and the cold is a shock, but then his hand slips inside your sweater and it’s not cold, it’s getting a bit hot actually- ‘It’s already been twenty minutes.’ He says, kissing you again, ‘Howard’s gonna freak’. He grins against your jaw.

‘Really.’, you’ve been clutching on his collar, and the tie is loose. You like it much better this way, ‘Lots of trouble, just to see me.’

‘You’re worth some trouble.’, he murmurs against your ear, gently sucking on your earlobe.

‘Oh, yeah?’, you shiver- not from the cold.

‘Oh, yeah.’

Your Uber driver is calling you. ‘Just a minute!’, you gasp into your phone as Jake kisses your neck, ‘Just wait there for a couple minutes, please. I’m almost there.’

The car is at the front door, you realize, and now it’s really time to go.

You give Jake one last quick and full kiss on the mouth before peeling off of him. You bend down, and take out a black sharpie from your backpack that landed on the ground. You always have a few of these handy for marking questionnaires.

Jake is watching as you loosen his tie more and unbutton the top buttons of his shirt. You write your phone number along his right collarbone with the sharpie, pushing aside his white tank. You touch your lips there before you button his shirt back up and close the front of his coat for him.

‘A tattoo from me.’, you smile at him, ‘Don’t sweat too much tonight.’

You like that he could though. He could sweat, or could shower, messing up the numbers, or could just forget to copy it. Or he could have it and just choose not to call you. You’d never know which. You like that.

Jake nods, murmurs, ‘Thank you.’

‘I won’t-‘, you have to tell him, ‘I won’t wait for you to call me. But-‘

‘But I will, if I’m feeling too fucked up some time and in need of talking about my feelings.’

‘Or makeup advice.’, you add.

‘Or that,’, he agrees.

You hug him. It’s harder to feel with your heavy jackets, but you can tell he’s hugging you back with all he has.

You won’t cry. You understand how big a deal it is for him to want to call you for talking about real stuff if he ever feels the need. Maybe it’s the heat of the moment and he won’t ever, but he trusts you, and feels that you are close. You’re friends. And friends is the best you could hope for, given everything else.

You kiss his cheek. Say goodbye. He lets you go, taking just a second too long to do it.

You turn back once. You thought you wouldn’t cry, but your eyes are blurry, and through them you can see him, standing there looking back at you. You swallow your stupid sob, and smile through it.

Maybe it’s the end. Maybe it isn’t. You get to find out. And that- that is glorious.

#sweetbitter #jake #jake x reader #jake x you #jake x oc #fanfic #fic #sweetbitter fanfic #tom sturridge

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igotanidea · 3 years ago

Text

Gritty - sweetbitter fanfiction (Jake x OC) : chapter 1

not gonna lie - I'm super excited to publish this

also: if you have any suggestions of what tags should I use to blast this story let me know :)

Enjoy and share

Pairing: sweetbitter!Jake X OC

word count: 5.645

warnings: not in this part, but def. in the future

masterlist

Chapter 1

Welcome to New York

12 years ago, September 1st

- You are my best friend, you know – I said to a boy sitting next to me on the pier by the ocean in our favorite spot in Cape Cod. Since it was early Monday morning there was not a soul to be seen and we both loved this peace and calmness that comes with lack of people. The circumstances of our conversation was however a bit more saddening. - Even if…

-What?

-Even if Simone tries to keep you away.

-She doesn’t keep me away. She just …. cares.

- Yeah, right.

-What?

-Nothing. I just… I know she is like a mother to you, but your relation is just … I don’t know…

- Are you jealous? – he squinted

- Really, Jake? Joking much? – I eyed him with serious look, shaking my head but he could see the smallest of smiles on my face – I care too, you know. Just in a different way. Don’t know if it’s better but that’s just how it is. More like watching from the distance.

- Like a predator. Waiting for a prey – he nudges me playfully – you are like a kestrel.

- That is an unusual comparison.

-Maybe – he shrugged- but it fits you. In a good way – he shifted towards me, now sitting with his one leg up his chest, the other stretched freely – you may seems quiet and distant but you are always there for those who need you. For me and I …. – he hesitated but never finished – never mind.So…. you’re leaving?

-I don’t want to . I don’t freaking want to. But, shit, I’m barely 15 and no one treats me seriously so what a girl can do?

-You could raise a rebellion. I would do that if I had a choice.

-Mhm, sure. And end up being grounded to the addition to the moving. It’s already hard as it is. – I went silent looking at the sea in front of us. The wind was flowing through my messy hair and I was trying my best to remember everything about the place where I grew up and about the person I cared about. Jake. And Simone, but that was a bit more complicated story.

-I don’t want you to go – he muttered barely audible looking at the ground for some reason avoiding my gaze.

-I know, Tri, I’m scared. Everything will be new there. I don’t know if I will fit in. I mean, New York? The buzzing city? The “concrete jungle where dreams are made of”? This is some serious shit. – my voice was flat, but we both had this sort of connection where we knew the hidden emotions. We knew each other since we were 8 and Jake lost his mother, and spending a lot of time together we kind of learnt how to read each other. However, this bond never got a chance to turn into something more serious and the reason behind it ….

- There you are! – a tall blonde girl emerged from behind causing both of us to jump. Up till now I didn’t even realize that we so close to each other. She slid in the space between us and with a widest smile started talking – everyone has been looking for you, Mackie. And I was worried about you, Jake.

- Simone – I nod my head towards her. We were some sort of friends but I always knew deep inside me that she was hiding something. I had my suspicions about it too, but never really confronted either Jake or Simone about it. When I tried they were just shutting me off and I never wanted that.

-We are fine, Simone – Jake abruptly stood up and leaned over the barrier. Now he was up while me and Simone were sitting next to each other. – We were just talking.

-About what? – she shook her head and her perfect hair waved.

-Mackie’s moving to the big city.

-Oh, yes. We are going to miss you, Mackie, truly. You are our best friend after all. Besides, we would still call and text each other, right? And talk on Skype. We have so many possibilities.

-Sure. Sure Simone. Every day. I would not accept anything else – I agreed looking at her – sure as hell won’t let you get rid of me so easily.

-I’m counting on that – Simone moved closer and hugged me – I’m really, really sorry this had to happen to you.

- Having a lawyer father and a mother that got a job at NYU I should have seen that coming – I sighed letting the girl hold me. It was surprisingly comforting. – Anyway, I’m cold. Shall we had back?

-Sure. There is some hot tea and snacks at home. And maybe we will get a taste of the wine that has been growing in the cellar. Help me up, Jake? – she stuck her hand and Jake lifted her. – Let’s go – she took the boy by one arm and me by the other and we walked towards the house.

12 years ago, September 5th

-Just hurry up, Mackie! Say goodbye to your friends and get in the car! We have quite a journey ahead!

-Oh come on, mum. I need some more time!

-You will address your mother with more respect young lady! – my father chimed into the conversation

-Sorry dad – I muttered – it’s important to me, ok? A couple of minutes, please? – I pleaded with my eyes wide open for better effect.

- You are a player, you know that, and your charm does not work on me, but I understand. I’ll give you those couple of minutes. Now, go! – he pointed me towards Jake and Simone who were standing a few meters away and got in car himself. As soon as he did I turned towards my friends.

-This is it then – I shrugged.

-We will never forget you, Mackie.

Shit, Simone! I wanted to avoid being melodramatic – I smirked when she reached her arms and hold me closely.

-Well I wanted to be. Promise to call us. – she moved so she could look at my face. – Promise.

- I promise – I looked at Jake who was just standing there, hands in his pockets, no word and no expression on his face – Bye, Jake. – I said without taking any step closer to him. I just could not force myself to and neither did he. As you may have guessed we were both reserved and distant.

-Bye, Kennel – he answered and just kept on standing in the same pose looking straight at me. I withheld this gaze without looking down.

- Your parents are waiting, Mack – Simone said when my father honked a couple of times hurrying me up. – I’m going inside. I can’t watch you drive away – she hugged me one more time and disappeared inside. As soon as she was out of sight Jake shifted forward and embraced me with his arms. That was new. Burring his face in my neck, giving me some tickling he muttered something I could not quite understand (but there was something that started with L) and then as fast as Simone entered the house.

My first instinct was to run after him and make him explain all this but it truly was time to go.

8 years ago, July 4th

The independence day. The national celebration and what was most important – day FREE OF WORK. Even though I practically had to beg I forced my parents to take an opportunity to make a little trip to a Cape Cod. For no particular reason they were reluctant but finally gave up. So I finally get a chance to reunite with my friends. I have to admit that for the last years our contact varied. Skype and messages were fine and frequent, I also came to visit from time to time but since I wasn’t there on regular basis I felt like I was cut off from a lot of things.

4th of July and summer time finally gave me an opportunity to make up for that. So can you blame me that when we arrived at Cape Cod my first instinct was to run to our place by the seaside? I was really hoping to find Jake there. I needed to talk to him first, before Simone since there was something off about him last time we spoke. I run the steps leading towards the pier and was welcomed by the sea breeze on my face. Oh, how I missed that! It’s been too long. Luckily, I was turning 18 next year so maybe I will be able to finally convince my parents that I’m fine traveling by myself.

-Kennel? – I spun around, all hair immediately on my face, blocking the view. But even if my sight was off for a moment I knew who was standing in front of me.

- Jake – I smiled as I got a hold of them and it grew even bigger when he put a single left strand behind my ear. – Hello.

- I’ve heard you were coming – he moved an inch closer.

-Really? I thought you just spend the last two years here waiting for me to return.

- You are crazy – he shook his head. – Nothing changed.

-With you too, I guess? Nothing new?

- Not much. I mean, what do I have in comparison with new Yorker?

-I don’t feel like I am. This place consumes you, but it takes ages to actually feel like at home there. At least for me.

-You were always an introvert, maybe that’s why.

-Yeah, maybe – I leant onto the barrier, our hands almost touching when he brushed his fingers over mine. – I missed this. – Jake stayed silent just staring at the ocean and I didn’t feel the urge to fill the silence. Just this. Simple as it was. Meant much more than words.

-Simone is waiting for you too, we should head back.

- Should we?

- Yes, Mackie. Come on. We’ll eat and then watch the fireworks tonight.

***

The day just… passed and before I realized we were heading towards the beach to celebrate with other people. Even though it was still quite light we were off for quite a show. The fireworks at the sea shore were always better than anywhere else in the country.

Jake and Simone were walking ahead of me, joking and laughing, having the time of their lives. Their happy faces and teasing were something I missed too. They seemed closer than before I left and that was a little thorn but I decided not to focus on that too much and just enjoy the evening.

-Mackie! Catch up! – Simone called for me – don’t stay behind, why would you do that? It’s starting – she stopped between me and Jake as the fireworks started to explode. I was right, it was breathtaking. Me and Simone had our heads up admiring it, but when I tear my gaze away I noticed Jake was staring at me instead of at the sky. I frowned at him in confusion, silent question forming but he just shook his head signalizing it was nothing important, so I just shrugged and continued on watching.

It ended sooner than any of us wanted. It was still early but all of a sudden I felt tired and couldn’t suppress a yawn.

-Exhausted, Mackie? – Simone asked

- Yeah, don’t know why. Must be the journey.

-Sure it is. Jake will walk you home than, won’t you? I will stay here for a while more, hope you’ll join me later, ok?

- Whatever – Jake shrugged getting up from the sand and motioned me to move.

Silence seemed to be natural for us and once again it feel during our walk on the beach.

-I know you’re not really that tired – Jake finally broke it.

-Am I not? Why do you think so?

-Mackie, cut it. Thank you.

-No, Jake, seriously, what is going on? – I stopped abruptly finally having the chance to confront him – is there something, anything, you want to tell me?

- No – simple answer to much more complicated question.

-Liar.

-Menace.

-Asshole.

-Witch.

- Witch? – well that was new, but before I could think of a comeback his lips were on mine. Shit! What the …. – Jake! –I pushed him away with all the strengths that surprise gave me – what the hell? What got into you?

-I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to feel you for real.

-Did you? – I raised my eyebrows still a bit mad but the eyes gave me away.

- Not in the slightest.

- Need another try? – I mocked feeling him coming close once again.

And THAT was the real firework. He captured my lips in his, chasing them every time I was foolishly trying to pull away. His hands on my waist just gripped me tighter towards him. There was something desperate in his embrace. Like he was looking for escape, trying to lost himself in me. I don’t know what he was trying to convey to me but wasn’t sure if this was about me or him or… us. It felt both right and wrong almost like there was a third person with us.

-Jake – I finally managed to pull back, but he was still holding me – am I a distraction to you?

-What? - he frowned – Why?

-I’m just asking. And I want an honest answer, I can tell when you’re lying.

-You are not a distraction, Mackie.

-Glad we got it sorted- I freed myself of his embrace and continued the walk home as if nothing happened.

3 years ago, October 23rd

Long distant relationships never work, and I mean NEVER. I’ve learned it the hard way.

-You should come visit me in New York on Christmas. It’s so magical here, Jake, it will cheer you up – I tried to convince him while we were talking through Skype.

- I don’t think that would be possible, Mackie.

- And why exactly not?

- Simone is going through some stuff. I need to be here for her.

-Ok, I get that. Doesn’t she want to come over too? I’ve got more than enough place for both my …. – I wasn’t exactly sure if I can call him boyfriend even after all this time. – friends.

-Yeah, she want to stay home, so I’ll take the rain check.

- Fine, have it your way. I just wished I could see you in person and …. You know – I blushed remembering the last time we saw each other which was quite heated.

- About that, I need some space, Mackie so how about we slow it down a bit?

-Slow down? Jake, we barely see each other, I’m busy with studies you are doing some secretive shit you won’t tell me about and you’re talking about slowing down? I mean, it’s alright with me – I may or may have not lied – but seriously, is everything ok on your side?

- I’m good – he muttered – and I gotta go – he hung up on me and for a moment I saw my reflection on the computer screen. What the hell just happened?

2 years ago, January 31st

To cut the story short, let me say that since that Skype talk on which we …. Broke up, I guess. If we were ever to be called a real couple… Never mind, since that Skype talk all my contact with Jake was more and more rough. He was distant, I was cold, never again asking, we were both suspicious and tough. Yeah, it just didn’t work between us anymore. And as a consequence neither did my contact with Simone, ever though she was still calling from time to time, but less and less frequently. As a distraction I focused on my school and studies and living my best life. Or best –ish. Life in New York was even faster and more stressful with time than at the beggining. The fast pace, the people everywhere and constant noise was something I was not used to. I much preferred the deserted landscape of the Cape, but I had to just adjust like my father jokingly put it.

I had to keep up with my classmates at new school which resulted in me taking a lot of extra classes and activities (my parents were very career and education oriented), than a job and before I realized I started college. NYU obviously. And being the daughter of one of the most strict teacher was not a piece of cake. Hence, I never really made any close friends. It was really, really hard time for me, cut from Jake and Simone (of course, after some time we stopped contacting each other, who would have guessed, right?), unable to make connection with “ethnic” New Yorkers and being pretty much alone. The only thing that helped me survive was writing. About everything that came into my mind. After classes, when my peers were just hanging out, probably going to the clubs or getting drunk I would just sit in the Central Park spitting my imagination out on paper. My parents did not notice my loneliness of course – they were too busy – but thanks to my mother connections I was able to publish one of my stories. And then the other. And the other. Of course, it was just a hobby since I studied economy. My mother’s brother, uncle Howard (even if I never called him uncle since he hated that) who was a manager at one of the New York finest restaurant believed it would be a great experience and opportunity for me to train there and honestly, I was more than happy to accept. Now, everyone was just waiting for me to finish my studies.

2 years ago, May 25th

After finally graduating (with honors, obviously), much to my parents’ displeasure and Howard’s quiet approval I decided to do some additional training in the area I was about to work in. So I took some culinary training and courses to help me with my knowledge in kitchen. This gave me an opportunity to extend my knowledge and come to Howard’s restaurant prepared. I’m not going to sugar coat working, learning and having to keep my rent and living costs in check was really, really hard and yet extremely satisfying. Besides, I knew what was ahead of me and that kept me afloat.

I also get some information about Jake and Simone. Yeah, I was still doing that. Apparently they moved to New York (I wondered how we haven’t bumped into each other, yet) and get a job and life here. Simone got married (which is unbelievable), spend some time in France learning about wine (which seemed more like her). Now they were working together in a restaurant. Like I mention I found it unexpected that we didn’t meet each other somewhere on the street

Today, October 11th

I was ready. I couldn’t believe it. At the age of 27, which felt old enough I was standing in front of Howard’s restaurant ready to come in and enjoy the rest of my life. Enjoy what I worked for so hard. Even if that meant working even harder. I was ready. For the last two years I was visiting him occasionally just to get a grip of the place, observe people and the stuff, get an idea of how it all worked into the bigger picture. And I had to admit it, it was smooth. However, I was always undercover, some sort of a secret guest. Always taking a table close to the exit, never really engaging in the life of the restaurant. Me and Howard both agreed that it would be best for everyone, us included, since none of us wanted me to be treated any differently in future work. So I was more of a shadow. No one was supposed to know that I was related to Howard. For the first time in my life I wanted to be a part of something bigger. I also did not engage much with the servers. When I came, usually back door, Howard was the one to personally take care of all my meals. Looking back at that I have no idea how the hell we made it work, but somehow it happened.

And now, I was here. Not a student, not a secret guest, just me. Just Mackie, prepared to do what was expected of her. I was both excited and nervous but anyone watching me from the outside would never guess that. I perfectly knew how to cover up for my emotions and be cool and steady. After all, I was practicing that since I was a kid. Without any more thinking I entered the restaurant. Since it was early, it was practically empty, save two people sitting by the window. One of the bartenders that I remembered from my last time here was preparing the bar and the glasses for the night, two of the servers were folding napkins and cleaning the cutlery. The kitchen doors, behind the counter was opening and closing dynamically as from time to time someone else were carrying new utensils like saltshakers. I looked around and noticed Howard and some girl sitting at one of the tables. Being who I am I decided to just wait till they end to conversation so I sat on one of the bar stools minding my own business.

-Can I help you young lady? Isn’t is a bit early for you to look for a drink? And are you even allowed to legally drink? – the barman turned towards me

- well, the answer’s no for the first question and yes for the latter. I could use some water though.

-Sure thing. What brings you here at such an early hour?

-You are a talkative one, sir, aren’t you?

-It comes with the job. Bartenders are the one to listen to a sob stories a lot.

-Like a therapists?

- Wouldn’t go that far, but something like that. The name’s Nicky by the way – he handed me a glass.

-I’m Mackie – I shook his hand.

- So what’s your business here? – he asked again

-You are not going to let go, are you? – I smiled – guess it is a business indeed. I ….

-Mackie – I did not even notice when Howard finished his talk and approached me – you’re early.

-I am, boss, it’s just my cautiousness talking.

-Wise – he nodded – Nicky, I see you have met our newest server.

-Server, huh? – Nicky fixed his glasses and eyed me – I see the business now. Welcome aboard, then. You are up for a bumpy ride, kiddo.

-I’m counting on it. I hate taking the easy way.

-That is pretty unusual. Ambitious much? – Nicky asked

-Extremely.

-Mackie, come with me, we need to discuss the details of your shifts. – Howard motioned me towards the table. – Nicky, a glass of champagne.

-Sure. Anything else for you, Mack?

-I’ll stick to water thanks.

I grabbed my glass and changed places, sitting a bit more away from the bar where anyone could hear us.

-Hello, Howard. It’s nice to finally be here on official matter without sneaking out.

- It makes a lot of things easier for us. However, since you are here I need to remind you of the rules.

-Ok. –I took a sip. I remembered them vividly, but decided to let Howard keep his dominance since he was practically running this place.

-First, no one should come to know we are family. Second, no easy treatment, you train and serve just like everyone else and get a supervisor to watch your moves. Finally, even though I’m convinced you know that – you watch yourself. The stuff can be pretty intense and I don’t want you to get into any trouble. Is that understood?

-Yes.

- Perfect. Now, you are not the only new face here. We got some other girl, who’s already changing. She’s interesting, unusual. You will work together. – he turned around upon hearing some talking coming from behind – Will! Can you come here for a second? – he waved upon the black haired man dressed in a shirt and apron. He looked like a professional with his straight posture and light smile. I could bet he was the charming one with the guest. – Will, this is Mackie. She is your new mentee. And Mackie, like I said Will is going to be your mentor. Giving your characters you can learn a lot from each other.

- Hi – I looked at the guy.

-Well hello, new girl. It is quite an accomplishment that you were admitted. You must be special.

-Flattery – I smirked, and he smiled back.

-She doesn’t want to be treated lightly Will, so bear that in mind – Howard chimed in.

-When are we ever? – the man shrugged.

-Fine than – my uncle stood up and fixed his jacket – I’ll leave you to it. Go fetch that other new girl….

-Tess – Will completed.

-Yes, Tess. Mackie, go change, get Tess and off to work you go.

***

-Hi there! – a dark haired girl, probably a couple years younger than me smiled at me as soon as I entered the staff changing room. Apparently my shirt and apron were already prepared and waiting for me – I’m Tess. I’m the new girl.

- One of two, it seems. I’m Mackie. I’m new too.

-Are you nervous? I am, a bit.

-A little, maybe. But also ready for what’s coming. – I reached inside the locker and grabbed a blue striped shirt and snow-white frock.

-You are so calm…. I wish I had that in me… I miraculously got this job and I need it to make a living and keep myself here.

- Are you here alone? I can tell you are not from New York.

- How do you know.

- You are different than a native new Yorker. In a good sense – I assured her when her face dropped – you seem more … open. Natural. Straight-forward. Not everyone would casually strike a conversation with the stranger.

-You are not a stranger. We are coworkers now, so I guess I want to be …. Friendly?

- It suits you – I smiled lightly – both the attitude and the outfit. Shall we go, now? Will is probably waiting for us downstairs.

-Yeah, yeah, let’s go. – she almost jumped to the door.

First meeting with Tess left me under impression that she was like a squirrel. Excited, energetic, optimistic. She wanted to prove herself. She was quick on her feet even though she did not exactly knew where it was leading her. Will was giving us a tour, showing the kitchen, introducing to the stuff, pointing towards the wine cellar and supply closet and Tess was just asking hundreds and hundreds of questions. Who? What? Why? Where? At some point she spotted one of the man silently sobbing in the corner and while I was rather focused on giving him his privacy she went straight at him.

-Are you ok? – Tess asked

-Of course I am. Why would I not be? – he immediately turned a bit aggressive and added some words in foreign language

- Hey, calm down, Russian boy – I stopped him as I understood some of it –from what I saw you don’t get much space for mental breakdown here so how about covering in the cellar, hmm? No one is there now.

- Mental breakdown – he scoffed – I’m perfectly fine as I am. And I am NOT hiding anywhere.

- Of course – I smirked – you are all good to go, right?

- Obviously – he scoffed again – silly question if I’m ok – he eyed Tess, who seemed hurt and confused and run towards his other duties.

- Why…?

- Not to smart off, but sometimes people just want to let whatever is in them out without causing a sensation. My guts are telling me that one needed it since he is probably the life of the party on every other day.

- How do you….? – she asked again but was hushed by Will, who came out of nowhere.

-Come on, girls, quit the chitchat, we have a meal to attend before the big night and if you skip it you will be on your feet all night with an empty stomach. Believe me, rumbling in a stomach is no good for reputation. – Come on! – he urged us towards the room where all the stuff was already feasting. Tess stopped amazed with the atmosphere of the place. Everyone was talking, laughing and feeling at ease. Me? Not so much. I just observed the faces. I was much better on one-to-one contact than dealing with a whole group. And it was not my intention to interrupt any of them and become the center of attention. Not in a million years. Tess reached for the plate but before she could get some food Will shoved her towards the smaller table full of the salt-shakers.

- You sit there. You are on your cutlery duty. You too, Mackie – he whispered and I was quick to follow. A second later, Howard came through the door holding a bottle of wine.

- Hello everyone – he spoke and everyone went silent.

-Hello, Howard.

-Big night tonight. And therefore I decided to let you have some treat as an incentive – he put the bottle down and one of the girls was eager to uncork it – try it – he briefly looked at me almost like he was trying to give me an incentive – who will tell me what sort of wine is this. I was quick enough to grab a glass before anyone else. I studied wine during my courses so this was a chance to show a bit of what I learned. Even if I risked being called show-off.

- I can taste mint. And green bell pepper. – I mumbled

- Would you mind speaking up, Mystery? – the same man we saw sobbing earlier exclaimed.

- Mystery? – I raised my eyebrows.

- Fits you well enough. Now, speak up!

- I think it’s Cabernet Sauvignon.

- It is indeed. Anything else you’d like to add? Or maybe someone else would elaborate? – Howard looked around

- Judging by the taste and hence the variation of the fruit it’s the French one. A bit sour, though, so probably year 2015 when the summer was particularly cold and the crops were slightly affected - some familiar voice spoke and I froze in place as I saw a certain blond-haired woman looking over at me above the shoulder of her coworker. Pretty sure, everyone saw me standing there like a deer in the headlights.

- Thank you, Simone – Howard smiled and forced me to sit down since I could not move by myself. A gentle push was just what I needed to get back to reality. – I did not open a 200 dollars bottle of champagne just to entertain you. You give it your best tonight. Good luck – and with those words he just left.

- Thank you, Howard! – he was chased by the stuff’s voices.

- What just happened? - Tess asked but before I could explain anything to her everyone stood up, making a lot of noise and started throwing dished into the bowl. We went from a peaceful atmosphere towards the crazy within a couple of seconds.

- Get it together, Mystery and new girl. You wash the dishes. Hurry. – Will appeared out of nowhere shoving us off.

- This nickname is gonna stick, right? – I asked gathering the dishes.

-Well, Sasha called it, so most probably – he shrugged.

- Great. – I blew a raspberry and followed him back to the kitchen.

***

It seemed like everything was on fire. Literally – the ingredients being prepared, everyone running around and shouting at each other preparing for the service…. Crazy, but I knew that from my past experience in the restaurant business so it was easier for me to deal with it. I just wished for a spare minute to talk to Simone, but she was out sight. Not sure if so busy or just avoiding me. But why would she avoid me? I kept those thought at bay and focused on the tasks. Tess however, acted like a typical overwhelmed newbie. Her eyes wide open, her hands trembling, hair and apron a mess.

-Tess – I looked at her to steady her – breathe, ok? Breathe. – she obediently took a breath.

- Everyone was new once – the one person I was looking for this whole time added as she grabbed Tess my her arms and fixed her hair and straps – you’ll get used to it, little one. – Hello, Mackie.

- Hello, Simone.

- Wonderful surprise to see you here – she smiled sincerely, just like I remembered.

- Same.

- We have to catch up after service. A glass of wine at my place, perhaps? You seem to know a lot about the beverage.

- Again: same. I underwent some culinary training before applying here so hence the knowledge. But I heard you learned it first- hand. France?

- Indeed – she laughed – but we will talk later, ok? A lot of work to do.

-It is. You are in your element thought, aren’t you. Loving the action.

- Well, you haven’t changed a bit. And already get a nickname. Mystery really does suits you.

-Wait, you know each other? – Tess asked

- Yes, from a childhood. We spend quite some time together as kids. Before Mackie and her parents moved – Simone looked over my shoulder at someone who was just entering the kitchen – at what time does your shift start, darling?

- Those are suggested work hours and fuck off, Simone. – when I heard that voice I turned around on my heels and smiled lightly when he spotted me too.

- Hello, Jake.

@pinksirensong @meganmayhem89 @anastacia-lynn @wardlow

tag list is open!

next: sneak peak of chapter 2

#tom sturridge #sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake #fandom #fanfiction #sweetbitter fanfiction #why not #writing therapy #inspiration #distraction from sandman #tv show fanfiction #jake x oc #jake x reader #OC #original character #x oc #x reader #the sandman

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melancholypancakes · 2 years ago

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Author Note: I have not read or seen the tv show sweetbitter, I would like to see the show but that cost money and I’m not into reading erotic novels.

But I do love Jake 😌 there isn’t enough fanfics of Jake 😩

Little fact: Briselda my own cinderella name I came up with ;) also Bri is just a cinnamon roll trying to find love and life but she probably came into the wrong restaurant when there is only lust and juicy drama 👀👀👀

#sweetbitter #sweetbitterOC #jake sweetbitter x OC #jake sweetbitter x reader #sweetbitter fanart #new oc #new oc tag #new oc idea #new oc alert

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pearlstiare · 3 years ago

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ﾟ･*⋆ ☾ 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ

➥ back to navigation? [ navigation ]

- "Not All Who Wander Are Lost" - Thomas Shelby x Reader

- "Please Wait for Me" - Tom Riddle x OC - Thorns in My Heart, Roses in My Soul ( Series )

- “Normal Boy” - Jake (Sweetbitter) x Reader (Series)

#pearls updates #pearls writing #work in progress

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 1 year ago

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Just curious! What do you think will happen, or what do you HOPE will happen, in the next chapter of "Passion Play"?

Remember: This will be the Halloween chapter.

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

@thepaintedlady00

@rey-jake-therapist

@tarotoftheendless

#tom sturridge #tom sturridge sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake #jake x oc sweetbitter #sweetbitter fanfiction #sweetbitter fanfic passion play #passion play jake & robyn #sweetbitterstarz #sweetbitter #sweetbitter tv series

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 1 year ago

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Song Ideas

Just want to let you know that I am still working on the next chapter of "Passion Play." I haven't given up! I've just been busy.

In the meanwhile, I thought I'd recruit your help. I don't want to spoil things, but there will be a dance scene in this chapter. I am looking for a very specific type of song: something along the lines of a sexy-sounding worldbeat/New Age number. (Think Enigma!) I've been searching for the right song, but I haven't come across it just yet. (And yes, I've been looking into Enigma's songs.) If you can make suggestions, that would be wonderful.

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

@thepaintedlady00

@rey-jake-therapist

@tarotoftheendless

#jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake #tom sturridge #tom sturridge sweetbitter #sweetbitterstarz #jake x oc sweetbitter #sweetbitter fanfiction #sweetbitter #sweetbitter tv series #sweetbitter passion play fanfic

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 2 years ago

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Meet the Hewitt Family

As promised, I am going to introduce you to the members of the Hewitt family. You'll notice that all three children have names that are associated with songbirds.

EDWARD HEWITT (JASON ISAACS): Edward is the father of Linnet, Robyn and Callum. Sometime after his first wife ended their marriage and abandoned their children, he met and fell in love with Josephine Ellis. They married, deciding to encourage all three children to develop a love for music. An accomplished pianist, Edward is a music teacher at the Royal Academy of Music.

JOSEPHINE ELLIS-HEWITT (CLAIRE FORLANI): Josephine is the second wife of Edward Hewitt, and the stepmother of his three children. Though she loves all of her step-children, her relationship with Robyn is strained. She is a retired concert violinist.

LINNET HEWITT-WILDMAN (JENNA COLEMAN): The eldest child of Edward and Catherine Hewitt, and the step-daughter of Josephine Ellis-Hewitt. She is currently separated from her husband, Robert Wildman. She is the mother of their young daughter, Sophie. Raised to appreciate music, her instrument of choice is the flute.

ROBYN HEWITT (EMILIA CLARKE): Robyn is the beautiful interior designer who catches Jake's eye and captures his heart. Raised in London, England, Robyn is the middle child of Edward Hewitt and Catherine Chambers. She is the stepdaughter of Josephine Ellis-Hewitt, and the sister of Linnet and Callum. For a reason unknown to Robyn and her siblings, Catherine abandoned her husband and family when the children were young.

CALLUM HEWITT (Isaac Hempstead Wright): The youngest child, and only son, of Edward and Catherine Hewitt. Though his parents tried to encourage him to love and appreciate music, he eventually gave up on playing the piano. He is attending the London Academy of Music & Dramatic Art (LAMDA), having decided to pursue a career as an actor.

@anastacia-lynn

@thepaintedlady00

@peageetibbs

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@kimmyiewrites

#tom sturridge #tom sturridge sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake #sweetbitterstarz #jake x oc sweetbitter #sweetbitter fanfiction #sweetbitter #sweetbitter tv series #sweetbitter passion play fanfic

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 2 years ago

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Love Theme Suggestions!

Hello, readers! I hope you're doing well!

I want you to know that I am working on the next chapter of "Passion Play." It's just coming along veeeery slowly. Robyn's suffering from a bit of a hangover, and so she's not being very cooperative as a "muse."

Sometimes when I write, I try to think of theme songs for individual characters or couples. I'm trying to come up with a sort of love theme for Jake and Robyn. Think of it this way: if "Passion Play," were a movie, what song would play during an intimate, sexy, romantic moment between Jake and Robyn?

Jake and Tess have "Sail to the Moon," for their sex scene. I want Jake and Robyn to have a theme, too. I've been scouring YouTube and Spotify for ideas, but I haven't found that perfect song. Any suggestions?

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

@thepaintedlady00

@rey-jake-therapist

#jake sweetbitter #tom sturridge #sweetbitter jake #tom sturridge sweetbitter #sweetbitterstarz #jake x oc sweetbitter #sweetbitter fanfiction #sweetbitter #sweetbitter tv series

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 1 year ago

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Ugh. I wish I had artistic skills like my sister. I mean, this woman taught herself how to draw and paint.

My point is: If I had artistic skills, I would love to create a drawing of Jake and Robyn (Characters in my "Passion Play," story) together. But I can't even draw decent stick figures.

Is there anyone who can create such a drawing (Computer, pen or pencil, etc.)? I can pay you if it's not too expensive. I just would love to have something featuring the two of them together. If you're interested in helping me out, please message me.

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 2 years ago

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SUMMARY: Robyn tries to gather up the nerve to confront Ethan about his infidelity.

SONG CREDITS: "Edge of a Broken Heart," by Vixen.

Robyn woke up slowly, finding herself in the same position she'd been in the night before. Her head was resting on Jake's shoulder, her right hand settled on top of his chest. Her eyes were swollen, her head felt heavy, and her mind was foggy from sleep. She felt numb as she thought about the events that had led her to Jake's bed once again, and she was grateful for it. Though she did wonder how long it would last.

As she lay in bed, staring at the window and watching as the curtains billowed in the breeze, she realized just how drastically her life had changed within the span of a few moments. She'd spent three years building a life with Ethan, and now everything had crashed and burned. If he had simply told her that he didn't want to be with her anymore, she could have handled it. Yes, she would have been heartbroken. But at least she wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that he'd been cheating on her. His betrayal hurt more than she could possibly imagine, and she had no idea how she'd ever recover.

She let out a quiet sigh when her bladder began to nag at her, and she tried to carefully extricate herself from Jake's arms without waking him. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until her foot brushed against his, and she cringed a bit when he began to stir.

"Mmm ...."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she softly said. "Go back to sleep."

Jake fell silent and, convinced that he was sleeping once more, Robyn slid out of bed and tip-toed her way to the bathroom. After doing her business and washing her hands, she took a look at herself in the mirror. Taking in her appearance, she muttered to herself "I look like the Corpse Bride," and then freshened up a bit. When she finally stepped out of the bathroom, she found Jake leaning against his headboard with a lit cigarette between his lips.

"Mornin'," he greeted, his voice rough from sleep.

Feeling a little uncertain, she gave him a little smile. "Hello. I'm sorry for waking you."

He gave her a shrug. "No big deal." He patted the empty space on the bed, gesturing for her to join him.

Robyn hesitated, feeling like she'd crossed a line. She was so used to maintaining her composure, and she'd completely failed at that last night. She hated exposing her vulnerability to anyone. She relented, though, careful not to get too close. When he offered her a cigarette, she declined.

"How are you feeling?" he asked carefully.

She fell silent for a few moments, contemplating her answer. "Oddly enough, I feel ... nothing. You'd think that I would be angry or sad. But I'm just ... numb." She shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand it."

Jake observed her closely. Though she'd slept soundly, she looked exhausted. Drained. And when he looked into her eyes, they were missing the spark that usually filled them. She seemed lost and broken, and it killed him to see her like this. Ethan's betrayal had managed to quench her fire, and he wondered when she'd get it back.

He put out the cigarette and left its remains in the ash tray, which he set aside on the table next to the bed. "It's normal," he reasoned, and Robyn looked to him for an explanation. "I guess it's a way to protect yourself from becoming too overwhelmed."

Robyn considered it for a moment, nodding in acceptance. "Is this what it was like for you, when Tess cheated?"

"Naw. I mean, don't get me wrong. It sucked, and I was hurt. But mostly, I was angry. Angry at her. Angry at Howard. Angry at myself for letting her get close to me."

"How did you cope?" Her voice sounded tiny and meek, and she seemed fragile.

"Oh, you know, the usual. I drank and got high. And when the drugs and the drink weren't enough, I went back to my old pattern with women."

She fell silent for a few moments, frowning. "I don't like getting drunk, I've never tried drugs, and sex is definitely off the table for a while. Guess I'll have to find a different coping mechanism."

She heaved out a sigh and suddenly got up, walking toward the set of mirrors that hung on the wall across from Jake's bed. She bent down and picked up her ballgown, holding it with both hands as she moved over to the sofa. She sat down slowly, letting out a bitter laugh. "Looking back, I suppose I looked ridiculous in this thing."

"No, you didn't," Jake corrected her. She didn't look at him, her gaze fixed on the bodice. "You looked beautiful."

"I gave away my other two dresses. I suppose I should do the same with this one." Quietly, she admitted "I just wanted to feel special. Different. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I wanted to stand out for once."

Jake wanted to tell her that she always stood out; that the way she carried herself caused everyone's eyes to be drawn to her. But he had a feeling that if he told her that, she'd feel like she was being patronized.

"I suppose I should bag this up and get out of your hair."

"You don't have to leave so soon. You can stay here all day, if you want."

"No. I've already burdened you enough."

"You're not a burden."

"Don't you have to leave for work in a few hours?"

"Oh, that's right. You didn't hear. The restaurant's closed." When her eyes widened with worry, he explained with a chuckle. "Not permanently. The health inspector stopped by, and there are a few upgrades that need to be implemented. The work should be completed by tomorrow, and we're still being paid for the time off."

"You've already done so much. I can't imagine how much money you lost because of me. I'm --"

Slowly and patiently, his tone even, Jake argued "Don't worry about the money. It's not that much." Okay. So that was a lie. But she didn't have to know the truth. Did she? "Like I said, you're not a burden." When Robyn closed her mouth, he switched to a different subject. "Are you hungry?"

"No. Not really. But ... I suppose I should eat."

"I still need to go food shopping. But Simone's pasta should still be good. You're not allergic to shrimp. Are you?"

"No."

Robyn set her dress down and reached for her clutch, pulling out her cell phone. The battery was down a bar or two, and she could see that she'd missed a few phone calls. Three were from Ethan, while the other two were from Chloe and Sam. Not at all interested in hearing Ethan ramble on and on about how worried he supposedly was, she deleted his messages almost immediately and then listened to the ones left by Chloe and Sam. Apparently, Ethan had reached out to them and asked if they knew where Robyn was. And, as predicted, both women were panicking and assuming the worst. She felt awful for leaving them to worry for so long, and she knew she had to figure out some way to make it up to the both of them.

I'm so sorry to make you worry. I'm fine, and I'm in a safe place, she typed. Her fingers hovering over the phone's touchscreen keyboard, she contemplated the rest of her message. Something happened last night. I promise that I will tell you all about it. I just need some time to figure things out. She was tempted to mention Ethan's secret relationship with Madeline, but she thought better of it. She wanted a chance to confront him, and she couldn't do that if Sam throttled him to within an inch of his life.

The microwave dinged, and Jake transferred Simone's Pesto Shrimp with Linguine to two plates. Robyn watched as he expertly balanced one of the plates on his arm while carrying the other plate, as well as a mug of coffee, with his hands. He set the coffee down in front of Robyn first, and then he presented her with her meal.

"I present to you ... Pesto Shrimp with Linguine. It's one of Simone's favorites."

"Thank you. It looks delicious."

Jake set his plate down on the coffee table and then ventured into the kitchen, retrieving his own mug of coffee and some liquid creamer. When he returned to the living room, he was pleased to see that Robyn was chewing. He didn't know how big her appetite was, but she had to eat something. Since the other end of the sofa was currently occupied by Robyn's dress, he settled down on the floor instead. Seeing the frown on her face, he eyed her with concern. "Is the pasta warm enough?"

"It's fine." She sighed, stabbing another piece of pesto-covered shrimp. "I can't hide out here forever. I have to go home. I just ..."

"You think he'll be there?"

She nodded. "He does have the spare key. He's probably waiting for me right now." Not that she believed, for one moment, that he actually cared about her. Thanks to his infidelity, Robyn now knew how little regard he had for her. If he were waiting for her at her apartment, it would be for the sake of keeping up appearances. Nothing more.

"You don't have to face him if you're not ready," Jake reasoned, taking a sip of coffee.

"I know. II want to get it over and done with. But I don't know if I have the strength."

He furrowed his brows as he chewed his food, swallowing it before he carefully inquired "You're not thinking of giving him another chance. Are you?" He cringed inwardly, realizing how judgmental that sounded.

"No! Absolutely not!" Robyn objected vehemently. "I know I have to end it. I do. He hurt me so much, Jake. It's just that I'm afraid that when I see him again, I'll ... I don't know what I'll do. I sound pathetic. Don't I?"

Poking at her food, she interpreted Jake's quietness as a silent agreement. When in actuality, he simply didn't know what to say. How could he convince her to stop judging herself so harshly?

"It's just ... I've been part of 'Ethan and Robyn' for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to be just Robyn. I don't know how it happened, or even when it happened, but I lost myself in this relationship." She let out a disgusted huff. "My parents would be ashamed of me. And my sister! I can only imagine what she'd think."

Jake watched as she absentmindedly moved her food around with her fork, staring down at it as though it could provide her with the answers she needed. He still couldn't believe that he'd found himself in a situation that he had hoped to avoid. And yet here he was, choosing to lower his defenses long enough to provide Robyn with the friendship and consolation she needed. What was he? Her knight in cotton armor? Granted, he was used to picking Simone up off of the floor. But she was family. Robyn, on the other hand, was someone he'd known for a brief amount of time. What was it about her that made him behave this way?

Robyn was the first to step off of the elevator, and the clacking of her silver heels echoed through the hallway as she began to lead Jake in the direction of her apartment. Her dress was stuffed inside a black garbage bag, which she'd draped over her left arm. She was currently wearing the t-shirt, shorts and hoodie she'd borrowed from Jake. These clothes, combined with her heels, made her feel utterly ridiculous. She could only imagine what her neighbors would think of her, and she silently prayed that Mrs. Jorgensen wouldn't notice her return.

But her appearance was the least of her concerns. If her suspicions were correct, Ethan would be waiting for her inside her apartment. She knew what she had to do. But she wasn't looking forward to the pain the breakup would create. In spite of his infidelity and the way he'd treated her, she still loved him. He'd been a part of her life for so long, and she found it strange to picture life without him.

When they came to a stop outside of a door marked 3A, Robyn let out a quiet sigh. "Here we are. Home sweet home."

Her hand began to shake as she inserted the key into the lock, and she let out a steadying breath before she turned it to the left. She slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside, Jake following closely behind her. She came to a sudden stop when she saw Ethan sitting in one of the arm chairs, and she was briefly distracted when Jake bumped into her.

Ethan glanced up at them, letting out a breath of relief as he rose from his seat. "Robbie, there you are! Thank God! I was so worried!" Looking her up and down, he took note of what she was wearing. "What happened to your dress? And where have you been? I was so worried!"

Robyn said nothing as she tossed her belongings onto the sofa. Ethan took a few steps toward her, holding his arms out as though he were trying to give her a hug. But when Robyn stepped to the side and avoided his embrace, he stopped in his tracks.

"Robbie, what's wrong?"

She held up a hand, her voice shaking. "Just stay away from me, Ethan!"

Jake quietly observed the couple as he stood behind Robyn. The rational part of his mind was screaming at him to get out of there; to leave it be. He'd done his part. Right? He'd looked after Robyn. Given her a shoulder to cry on. That should be enough. But he couldn't help it. In spite of everything, he still cared for her. He'd seen her this far. Why not go a little further?

Ethan tilted his head to the side, giving her a confused look. "Robbie, what's wrong? I don't understand. Where have you been? And why are you dressed like ..." He gestured at her. "... that? And what is he doing here?" He took a few steps toward Robyn, who stepped back.

Ethan took note of the way Jake hovered around her as though seeking to protect her. He narrowed his eyes at the both of them, working things out in his mind. "Wait a minute. Were you with him all night? Did you sleep with him?" He reached for a piece of paper that he'd left out on the kitchen island, holding it up for her to see. "Is that why you drew this?! Because you've been fucking him?"

Robyn looked at the item in question, her eyes widening in shock. "You searched through my things?!"

A flicker of surprise passed over Jake's face as he caught a brief glimpse of the sketch of his likeness. His brow furrowed with curiosity as he analyzed the drawing, the subject matter leaving him puzzled. The sketch captured his features with astounding detail and precision, and he knew that Robyn must have spent a great deal of time working on it. But why?

Robyn made a move to snatch the drawing from Ethan, but she was too late. She watched in horror as he tore it up and tossed it to the floor, casting a warning glare in Jake's direction.

"He's the one. Isn't he? He's the one you were sleeping with."

Sensing where this was heading, Jake stood up straight and balled his hand into a fist. Ethan didn't approach him, choosing to look Jake up and down as though assessing him.

"You are the one. Aren't you?"

Tension seemed to crackle in the air. While Jake said nothing, his smirk was all the confirmation Ethan needed. The atmosphere became suffocating, and Robyn eyed the two men carefully. She swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing she had to defuse the situation before things spiraled out of control. Ethan clenched his fists and took a few steps toward Jake, and Robyn scrambled to step in-between the two men.

"Save it, Ethan!" she bellowed. "I know what you did! I know about you and Madeline! So you can drop your jealous boyfriend act!"

Robyn's outburst distracted Ethan, whose eyes widened. A flicker of panic crossed his features before he composed himself. He would deal with Jake later. Robyn had backed away again, and Ethan took a step toward her. Feeling disheartened when she held up a hand to stop him, he said "Robyn, it's not what it seems. Please let me --"

"No, Ethan! I don't want to hear your excuses or your fucking apologies! What I need is for you to get the fuck out of here! Stay away from me! It's over!"

Not willing to give up, Ethan gave her his best remorseful look. "Robyn, please," he begged. "I made a terrible, horrible mistake. I, I don't know what I was thinking. Look. I'm going to end things with Madeline. I swear."

"Is that before or after you move with her to Los Angeles?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, stepping toward him a bit. When Ethan had the gall to give her a surprised look, she nodded. "That's right, Ethan. I know all about your plans."

"How?" Ethan asked, his voice cracking with nervousness.

"When you disappeared last night, I went looking for you. I found you and Madeline in the gazebo. I heard everything." Ethan opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. Her voice breaking, she shook her head in disbelief as tears began to well in her eyes. "Why, Ethan? Why did you do this? To me? To us?"

"Robyn, I ... I can't explain it. It was a stupid thing. A stupid, selfish mistake."

She shook her head. "No, Ethan. I'm not buying it. Cheating on me isn't a mistake. It's a choice. A stupid, selfish choice. Just tell me why. And tell me the truth this time. You owe me that much."

Ethan was quiet for a few seconds, taking a few steps backwards to lean on the table behind the sofa. He tried to find an explanation that would spare Robyn's feelings, but he came up blank. Running a hand over his face and letting out a defeated sigh, he kept his tone even. "You're right. You deserve the truth. And the truth is ... you've changed, Robyn."

"What do you mean, I've changed?"

"Before the attack, you were so ... vivacious. Full of life. Nothing scared you. That's the thing that made me fall in love with you, Robyn: your fire. But after the attack, you became withdrawn. Fragile. Everything terrified you, and you lost that spark that made you so special."

Jake's mouth fell open in shock and his brows were knit together, the audacity of Ethan's confession leaving him feeling disgusted. Knowing it wasn't his place to intervene, he turned away from them and tried to keep his emotions in check.

"I was almost killed, Ethan. I nearly died. Those men stabbed me and carved into me. They almost ..." She stopped, unable to continue with that train of thought. "Of course everything terrified me. But I got better."

Ethan nodded in agreement. "Yeah. You're right. You did get better. But you're still not the same. I miss the fun Robyn. The one who wasn't afraid to take risks and live life to the fullest. You're not the same, Rob. It's like you're a shadow of your former self. And I know it's shitty of me to feel like this, but I can't help it."

"So you're trying to blame me for this, this ... whatever it is between you and Madeline? If you couldn't handle my trauma, Ethan, you should have walked away!"

"I didn't want to set your recovery back." Robyn scoffed at this. "And maybe I ... Maybe I was hoping things would go back to the way they were."

"Well, look at you! The great, big hero, come to save the damsel in distress! Let's throw you a parade!" Robyn stared at Ethan in disgust. "Did you think that I'd forget about what happened; that I'd get over my PTSD and move on, and act like everything's normal? You could have just talked to me! You should have just told me that you couldn't handle my trauma and that you wanted to end things. Yes, I would have been hurt. But at least then, I wouldn't feel so disrespected!"

"I'm sorry. Robbie. I, I don't know what to say. I messed up."

"Just how long has this little tryst of yours been going on?"

"Robbie, I --"

"How long?!"

Ethan sighed. "A few months. I haven't been keeping track." Gesturing to Jake, he attempted to change the subject. "Does he really need to be here?"

Jake turned his head to glare at the attorney, and Robyn began to gesture wildly. "Yes, he does! He's been here for me since last night because he, unlike you, actually cares for me! He's the one who found me crying on the stairs! He's the one who made sure I was somewhere safe and warm! And he's the one who let me cry on his shoulder. And where were you? You were busy shagging Madeline in that damn gazebo, during our masquerade ball!" She quieted down again, turning away from Ethan for a moment as she ran a hand through her hair. "Do you love her?"

"No."

"And yet, she's worth destroying everything we've built! Tell me something, Ethan. That open relationship idea that you came up with ... Was it for my sake, or was it just so you could give yourself permission to fuck around with Madeline?"

When he didn't answer, realization dawned on her. As she walked toward him, she became emboldened. "You didn't think I would really go through with it. Did you? You thought that I would sit here at home, pining for you, waiting for you to throw a few crumbs of attention my way. Same old, reliable, pathetic Robyn. Right? She's afraid of her own shadow! Of course she won't have the guts to sleep with someone else!" She let out a humorless laugh. "But I surprised you. Didn't I? I finally grew tired of waiting, and I took you up on your offer. And when you saw that I was having fun - that I was opening myself up to new experiences - you couldn't handle it. Could you?"

She was standing close to him now, glowering up at him. She knew that what she was about to say next would be petty and even childish, but she didn't care. Ethan had hurt her, terribly. She might as well hit him where it hurt. "And guess what, Ethan? That lover I found? He was good. Amazing, in fact." Jake lifted his eyebrows at her comment, and he couldn't help the little self-satisfied smirk that graced is features. "He satisfied me in ways that you have never been able to. He took his time with me. Didn't rush me. Held me afterwards. Made me feel safe and special. He did all of the things that you couldn't be bothered to do, and he's the best lover I've ever had!"

Ethan bristled at her words, and Robyn gave him a smug smile. "You know, I thought that we could discuss this like adults," he retorted, turning away from her and walking away.

Robyn followed him, unwilling to relent. "You want to talk, Ethan? Let's talk! How many have there been?"

He slipped into his jacket and then whirled around to face her. "What?"

"Women, Ethan. How many women have there been? Is it just Madeline, or have you started a collection?"

Ethan shook his head and straightened his sleeves. "You're being ridiculous."

"No, Ethan. I'm waking up. For the first time in a long while, I'm thinking with a clear head. I've wasted three years of my life on you, putting up with one empty promise after the next. Listening to you blather on and on about how you want to marry me and start a family with me. Well, thank God you never proposed ... because I, being the lovestruck idiot that I was, would have said yes. And then one day, one year from now or ten years from now, I would have realized that the life I built with you was based on a lie. Given your track record, I would have been one of those pathetic women who's so devoted to her husband that she's blind to the fact that he's been having affairs. Just admit it. Admit that you never loved me."

"That's not true, Robbie! I --"

Robyn's expression softened for a moment, a pang of sadness cutting through her rage. But the moment was brief, and her anger returned. Her voice tinged with disappointment, she moved on. "No, Ethan. You never loved me. Love isn't just about words. It's more than flowers and cards, and cheesy songs that mean nothing! It's about trust and respect. You obviously don't respect me, and you certainly don't have my trust. Get out."

Ethan walked toward Robyn, looking at her pleadingly. "Robbie, please. Don't do this. We can work it out."

"No, Ethan. We can't work it out. There is nothing that you can do or say that will erase this or, or make it better! I loved you, Ethan! I would have never cheated on you! But you? You've treated me like shit, and I'm tired of it!"

"So that's it? After three years, you're throwing it all away?"

"You threw it all away the moment you fucked her. And you know what? She can have you. You can go to Los Angeles with her and build your career. I don't want you, and I certainly don't need you." Holding out her hand, she lifted an expectant brow. "My key?"

Ethan hesitated, hoping to delay the inevitable. Robyn could say what she wanted. He knew how he felt about her. Yeah, he'd made some bad decisions. But at the end of the day, he loved her. He wasn't going to give up that easily. He knew that it was a matter of time before he'd win her back. But for now, he'd play her game.

He reached into the pocket of his pants, pulling out the Scales of Justice key chain that Robyn had given to him on his birthday. As he worked on freeing her apartment key from the loop, he shook his head. "It doesn't have to be this way, Robyn."

"Yes, it does."

Ethan reluctantly handed over the key, watching as Robyn stepped away. She turned her back to him, resting her hands on the counter by the sink, doing what she could to keep her emotions in check. She was exhausted and drained, and she feared that her will power would cave at any moment.

Ethan scowled as Jake stood next to Robyn, fixing him with an almost murderous glare. The lawyer wouldn't lie. Part of him - a large part - wanted nothing more than to beat the bartender to within an inch of his life. But he knew he had to play it smart. He could achieve nothing if he landed himself behind bars. His gaze lingered on Robyn for a few moments before he turned on his heel and walked of the apartment.

Robyn cringed when the door slammed shut, and she let out a shaky breath as she wiped away her tears. Trembling a bit, she slowly turned around and made the mistake of looking at the rose bouquet Ethan had given to her the night before. Her bottom lip quivering, she walked up to the kitchen island and then apprehensively reached out to touch the soft crimson petals of one of the roses.

"They're beautiful. Aren't they?" she asked softly, staring at them in a daze.

Jake watched her closely. "Robyn, are you all right?"

She gave him a little nod, sniffling a bit. "Of course I am. I'm just fine."

Jake wasn't buying it, though, and he took a few steps toward her. He stopped in his tracks and jumped a bit when Robyn suddenly lashed out with her right hand and knocked the vase off of the counter. Jake's eyes widened in shock as he watched the glass vase shatter into countless pieces, the vibrant flowers scattering across the tiles.

Her trembling hands balled up into fists, Robyn fought back tears as she realized the depth of her emotions. She had devoted so much time to Ethan, and for what? She felt stupid and pathetic. And while she'd love to put all of the blame on Ethan's shoulders, she now realized that she'd allowed it to happen. Her anger, previously directed at the vase, shifted inward. And as the shards sparkled on the floor, it was as though every piece represented her broken dreams and shattered heart.

"Robyn --"

"I'd better clean this up," she said wearily, brushing past Jake to retrieve the broom and dustpan from the closet.

"Let me."

"I can do it. I made the mess. Let me clean it up."

Jake watched as Robyn went through the process of cleaning up the broken glass, sensing the weight of her emotions. Her hands were still shaking slightly as she gathered the remains of the shattered vase. Her movements were methodical and precise, a physical representation of her need to regain control over her emotions.

She dumped the remnants of the vase into the garbage can, and then she bent down to pick up the roses. A flicker of remorse danced across her face. She stared at them intently, contemplating the memory they represented. Her expression hardening with determination, she tossed the roses into the garbage. She knew that she was being wasteful, but these roses were a painful reminder of their failed relationship. They would only serve to taunt her with memories of her time with Ethan.

Now that the glass and roses were cleared, she turned her focus to gathering up the pieces of the sketch. She'd poured her heart and soul into that drawing, attempting to capture the light in Jake's eyes and the sly smirk that drew a corner of his mouth upwards. Looking back, she realized how foolish she'd been to keep it in her desk drawer. But how was she supposed to know that Ethan, the man she'd trusted, would search through her belongings? She knew that she could put the pieces back together. But it, must like her heart, would never be the same.

Robyn set the pieces of the sketch down on the counter, deciding that she would deal with them when she felt up to it. After a moment's hesitation, Jake stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Silence filled the room as Robyn reached up and rested her hand on top of his, a gesture of gratitude. Exhausted and at a loss for words, she stepped into the living room and settled down on the sofa. She heaved out a sigh, feeling as though the weight of the world were resting on her shoulders. Jake settled down in one of the arm chairs, watching her closely. She reached into her clutch and pulled out her cell phone, typing out a quick message to Sam and Chloe.

Ethan and I are over. I broke up with him. If you're not busy, I could use the company.

When she took note of the furrow in his brow, she gave him the smallest hint of a smile. "I'll be fine, Jake. There's no need to stay with me if you don't want to. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

A soft meow captured their attention, and they watched as Luna strolled into the room. With her off-white fur, warm gray shading, and brilliant blue eyes, she was the picture of feline elegance. She made an adorable trilling sound as she jumped up onto the sofa and greeted her human, blissfully unaware of what happened just a few minutes ago. With a gentle brush against her hand, Luna urged Robyn to acknowledge her presence. Robyn gave Luna a soft smile and pulled her close, feeling her heart warm a bit as the feline began to purr with contentment.

"That must be the famous Luna," Jake commented with a gesture.

Robyn nodded. "Yes. She's the one good thing that came from my relationship with Ethan."

Purring contentedly, Luna nuzzled Robyn's face as though saying "Cheer up, human. I'm here."

An hour later, Robyn was curled up on the sofa and wrapped up in an afghan. In spite of what she'd said, Jake had insisted staying with her until her friends arrived. He was sitting in the arm chair he'd occupied earlier, and it seemed as though Luna had taken to him. Currently, she was curled up on his lap, purring contentedly as Jake alternated between stroking her back and scratching beneath her chin.

As touched as she was by his concern, Robyn couldn't help but feel like she was a burden to him. He should be out and about, enjoying his day off. Instead, he was stuck babysitting her. She'd mentioned as much, but he had shrugged off her concerns and joked "Oh, yeah. I had big plans today. Grocery shopping and laundry. So exciting." When she opened her mouth to say something more, he'd held up a hand and said "Look. I'm staying. Deal with it," with that smug smile of his. She'd finally given up. In truth, she was grateful for the company.

A soft knock sounded on the door, and Robyn made a move to get up. But Jake beat her to it, carefully setting Luna down before he stood up. He looked through the peep hole to be certain that Ethan hadn't returned, and then pulled the door open for Chloe.

Chloe's eyes widened in surprise. "Jake! What are you doing here?" she asked before she brushed past him.

"Always good to see you, too, Chloe," he joked, closing the door.

Chloe gave him a remorseful look. "I'm sorry. I'm just surprised." Eyeing the afghan-covered lump that was curled up on the sofa, she assumed that Robyn was sleeping. And so, lowering her voice a bit, she inquired "How is she?"

Jake heaved out a sigh and shook his head. "She's been quiet, and she hasn't had much of an appetite."

Robyn's tone was flat as she announced "She's also awake." She sat up slowly, giving Chloe a tiny smile. "I'm so glad you're here, Clo. Where's Sam?"

Chloe gave Robyn a hug and sat down next to her, holding her close. Rubbing her shoulder through the afghan, she answered "She's on her way. She's just picking up a few things. Putting together a comfort package."

"Alcohol and ice cream, I take it?"

Chloe nodded. "And plenty of chocolate. All of your favorite snacks." She paused for a moment. "I know this is a stupid question. But how are you doing?"

Robyn let out a shaky breath. "Not so great." And then, as though remembering that Jake was still in the room, looked at him. Giving him a thankful smile, she added "But Jake's been looking after me, and I don't know what I would have done without him."

Chloe followed Robyn's gaze, and she couldn't help but pick up on the romantic atmosphere that seemed to fill the room. Taking note of the longing in the bartender's eyes, Chloe fought the urge to smile. It seemed that her suspicions about Jake's feelings for Robyn were valid after all.

Jake felt a little awkward under the women's gazes, a rare thing for him. A slight flush gracing his cheeks, he decided that now would be a good time to make his exit. "Yeah. Well, I'm glad I could be there for you. I'm gonna head out," he stated, pointing a thumb to the door behind him.

Robyn stood up from the sofa, leaving the afghan on the sofa. Taking a few steps forward, she favored Jake with a genuine smile. "Thank you, Jake. I'm sorry you were caught up in all of this, but ... thank you." She made a move to unzip the hoodie, but he stopped her.

"Hang on to it for a while. I have others." Jake had surprised even himself. Since when did he ever practically give away his favorite hoodie? What was wrong with him?

Robyn's hand stopped over the zipper. "I'll return the clothes to you as soon as possible."

Jake gave her a nod and a smile, watching as she returned to the sofa and her afghan. Bidding a silent goodbye to Chloe, he opened the door. He was about to step out when Chloe called out to him.

"Hey, Jake! Wait up!" She walked up to him and gave him a meaningful look as she continued. "Those elevator buttons can be kind of tricky. We keep telling the supervisor about it, but you know how the can be." She looked back at Robyn and gave her a wide smile. "Be right back, Rob." Robyn gave her a confused look and watched as her friend and the bartender exited the apartment.

Walking next to Chloe, Jake let out a soft chuckle. "Broken elevator buttons? Is that the best you could do?" he teased. "What's on your mind?"

They came to a stop outside the elevator, and Jake leaned against the wall. He gave her an expectant look, and she fidgeted a little. Trying to choose her words carefully, she settled for "You have feelings for Robyn. Don't you?" Sometimes, the blunt way was the correct way.

Jake maintained eye contact, refusing to allow any trace of vulnerability to show. "What makes you say that?"

"The way you look at her, for starters. And then, there's what you did for her."

"She's been through hell. Someone had to be there for her."

"And you were. Jake, most guys would have ditched her when they realized they weren't getting something in return. But you? You stayed with her and took care of her. You act like that's nothing. But to Robyn, that's everything. You were there for her. Don't act like it's because you didn't have anything better to do."

Feeling uncomfortable, Jake averted Chloe's gaze. Why did she have to be so damn perceptive? "Am I that obvious?" He looked back at her, and she gave him a "Boy, please!" look.

"If it's any consolation, she feels the same way." Jake's eyebrows turned up in surprise, and she said with a chuckle "Like you didn't know. Look. You didn't ask for my advice, but I'm giving it to you anyway. Robyn is going through hell right now, and she's going to need some time to heal."

"So what you're saying is --"

"What I'm saying is ... give her time. Be her friend. And then, when the time is right, let her know how you feel." She eyed him carefully. "Do you think you can wait for her?"

He contemplated Chloe's advice, weighing the pros and cons. Did he believe that he had the patience and understanding that would be required? Was he willing to be just friends with Robyn, even though he wanted so much more? Was he up to the challenge? What if he waited for her, only to have things blow up in his face like they had with Tess? Was Robyn worth the cost?

Jake took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I think I can."

"Good. Because Robyn's worth it, and she deserves someone who cares about her. Speaking of Robyn, I'd better get back in there. Take care."

The blonde turned on her heel and walked in the direction of Robyn's apartment, while Jake pressed the elevator's DOWN button. A ding sounded a few seconds later and the door slid open. With a sense of determination, Jake stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the first floor. Leaning against the railing, he thought about the road that stretched out before him. He knew that it wouldn't be easy, but what Chloe said was true: Robyn was worth it.

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