#jake x oc sweetbitter

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

I hope my readers are still invested and interested in "Passion Play." There hasn't been much feedback on my last few chapters. I hope you guys haven't grown bored with Jake and Robyn's story because I have so much more to tell. I am plotting out events that will take place in the next chapter, which will take place during Halloween.

Please don't give up on them or on me! Your feedback means a great deal to me.

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

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[thepaintedlady00]

Nightshade

Chapter 23 | Chapter 25

TW: As always: language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, smoking, sex, general mature themes. We've got some Tony in this chapter, some clear violations of the law and personal property/privacy, Simone's back (...yaaaaayyy), I'm gonna blue ball y'all just one more time with the big conversation our two idiots gotta have, another painting, some mentions of grooming, Lena's not in the mood for any of the shit this chapter, Jake's being the good "friend" he is. Some lies get told, and finally our dummies have THE conversation but also not really xD Enjoy!

Chapter 24: Burn the Ice

The morning chill stung his face as he exited the car - a reminder that the snow could start any day now. With calm, leisurely steps his fine leather shoes echoed amongst the chaos of the city. It was loud and crowded and smelt like cheap street vendor food. Disgusting, he thought to himself, glaring at the slouched-back people running the dirty stalls for a minute before starting up the steps.

Her building was old and smelt of mold, something he couldn't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction about. It was obvious she wasn't living as well as she had been with him. The landlord gave him a wide-eyed look, one he was well accustomed to - the style of the rich was always something poor people gawked at - but all he did was smile that charming smile and offer the old man a wave as he made his way past.

At the door he let the others do their work, patiently drumming his fingers along the hard cover of the sketchbook while they did. The door made a loud creaking noise as it opened. “Wait here. I won't be long.”

The faint smells of cleaning materials and dust filled his nose. She'd been staying here less and less the closer the cold months got. A lingering trauma that made her unconsciously cling to that pathetic family of hers. A trauma he felt a burning frustration and an undoubtable swell of pride whenever he recalled it. Running his fingers along her countertop, looking at the living room filled with paintings she'd done after slipping away, Tony allowed himself a rare moment of quiet.

In that quiet Tony breathed in the faint smell of her cherry perfume with a grimace. He'd always hated that smell, hated the tiny fruit in general. But, he admired the malice behind it… The choice to douse herself in it was one clearly made to slight him. She could do nothing without thinking of him, even if it was in anger, for now, Tony enjoyed the simple fact that Lena still thought of him every day. It was a testament to a larger, even more satisfying truth.

This sad, pathetic little life she'd scrounged together was nothing without him.

Jules’ heavy footsteps intruded on his quiet, but he did so with respect so Tony would allow it. “He's coming this way.”

“How long?”

“Four minutes.”

“Good.” Right on schedule.

Tony set the sketchbook back on the counter and pulled the lovely orange flower from his breast pocket giving it a sniff before setting it on top of the book. Jules handed him the envelope with her name neatly printed in his decadent handwriting. “We'll see each other soon, my Lena.”

Jules had timed it perfectly, as he always did, right as Tony stepped out the door onto the steps of Lena's apartment the old biker turned onto the street. His eyes grew wide in terror and rage as he spotted him. Perfect. With a wide grin, Tony lifted his hand and offered them a wave before he slid into his limousine. “Take us home, driver. We're done here for today.”

*

A sweet smell filled Jake’s nose as he rolled onto his stomach, arm draping over the warm body lying beside him. The sweet, fruity, decadent aroma was one he recognized in mere seconds. Cherries. He happily buried his nose in that smell. Lena.

He cracked an eye open, catching that heavenly glimpse of the sun hitting her hair just right making it glow like fire. Pretty as that was, it paled in comparison to the sight of her bare back peeking out from beneath his covers. Her skin was soft as silk beneath the tips of his fingers as he lazily traced the snake tattoo.

The warm fuzziness that filled his chest made every touch, every smell, and sound feel almost dreamlike. He would have thought this was just another dream like he had the first time he woke up to her in his bed, but the sensations were too defined to just be his imagination. That and he felt so damn tired from the long night he'd spent in the throes of such physical activities.

With a pleased sigh, Jake recalled all the ways they'd made up for wasted time. He could still taste the sweetness of Lena's lips, still feel her soft skin rubbing so deliciously against his own. If he closed his eyes again he was sure he'd see the heavenly image of her moving on top of him. It was seared into his mind now just like his name felt forever changed now that he'd heard it on her lips as she came apart beneath him. The hickeys on his neck and the faint marks left by her fingernails clawing at his back would be more obvious things to remind him that last night had been real. Those marks would fade in a week or two unless he let her give him more, which he gladly would.

Lena had taken her time with him, kissing him, teasing him, working him so expertly he'd actually struggled not to come prematurely. She was just as talented as she'd built herself up to be and he felt like a damn fool for ever even doubting her. As if she needed more added to the list of all her perfections now she could add being the best he'd ever had.

She was vocal, not just in expressing her pleasure but in encouraging his own. No matter how hard he thought Jake couldn't remember ever feeling as satisfied during or after sex in his life. In between the three rounds of their newfound intense passions, Jake found himself… Present. Usually after an orgasm or two, he'd just fall asleep not caring if his partner did the same or not, but with her, he felt awake… Alive. 

They spent just as much time talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company as they had tangled in his sheets. They ate, drank, and played with their cat whenever the little creature slinked from his hiding place. It all felt natural and oddly intimate and, for better or worse, Jake enjoyed it.

Physical intimacy was something he'd always excelled at. Flirting, foreplay, all of it came naturally to him. Jake had spent his fair share of time between the legs of beautiful women but Lena was something else entirely. Something new. Being with her made him feel like his pleasure - he - mattered just as much as hers. It was a concept he'd never truly understood, let alone experienced until now.

Ever since he could remember Simone - women in general - had told him exactly what they wanted from him. Touch me. Kiss me. Fuck me. Faster. Slower. Harder. They told him how to please them and he listened. It was a good time for all parties, but deep down Jake always felt that sting of emptiness. It’d been more about following their orders than it had been about just getting to enjoy the moment. He felt used… Like he'd only been good for a quick fuck and nothing else.

Normally Jake would have swallowed that feeling and forced himself to move… To physically shake off the very thought of it. He'd busy his mind with reading or mundane tasks like showering or cleaning. He'd build up the wall between him and whoever he'd fucked the night before - distance himself from feeling anything at all. Right about now, Jake should have been justifying his dickish, asshole behavior by repeating the words Simone had said to him since he could remember. This is who you are, love. You're just not built for ordinary people. 

Ordinary people turned out to be everyone. Everyone but Simone. And now… Maybe… Lena. 

He never truly understood how powerful feelings like this could be. He never knew that one person - even one as perfect as her - was capable of making him feel like an entirely different person. Jake felt more like himself, a self he barely even knew any more than he had in practically his entire life. He let the peaceful silence and that warm feeling in his chest stay as he curled further into the back of his sleeping redhead.

It wasn't until Hemingway climbed over both their legs, shimmying beneath the curtains and pushing them open to further blind him with sunlight that Jake truly woke up. Pleased with his work the cat proudly pranced across the pillows to stare down at him with an impatient and demanding meow. He couldn't help but chuckle as Hemingway slapped his forehead with a fleshy paw. Lena mumbled something in her sleep, burrowing her face in his blanket with a happy sigh that practically drowned out the cat's noise. God, he wanted to wake her up and kiss her, feel her, fuck her until they were both too exhausted to continue.

After laying in bed for a minute longer - until Hemingway was on the verge of exploding - he slowly slid out of the sheets and stretched his tense back out with a quiet groan. Briefly glancing over his shoulder to make sure that he hadn't woken her, Jake slid on a pair of pants picked his shirt up off the floor, and dished up Hemingway’s food with a quiet scold, “There, was that so hard to wait for?”

He cleaned up the remnants of the night, tossing the now nubs of melted wax in the trash and putting the leftover oyster shells in his sink. When he moved to put the champagne in his fridge he was bitterly reminded of how little food he had. Shit. He set the champagne back on the counter, closing the fridge to look back at the bed. Did he really want to have the conversation in some overcrowded, too-loud diner? 

The thought sat in his mind for a second as a list of possible interruptions made him shake his head. Nope. He wasn't going to risk not talking about this any longer because of anything. Maybe that Chinese is still good? Nope. Jake may have been lazy but even he was above serving month-old Chinese food for breakfast. 

Jake knew Lena wouldn't care about where they ate breakfast, but he didn't want to risk anything going wrong. Besides, Lena deserved a proper breakfast. He wanted her to know that he'd thought about this. That he was ready - willing - to put his best foot forward. Jake wanted to show Lena that this wasn't just a one-night stand and that he wasn't going to vanish now that he'd finally fucked her. More than anything he wanted her to see how much last night, she, meant to him.

He quietly put on his shoes and grabbed his keys and wallet. Writing her a quick note, he set it on his pillow and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder. I'll be back before she even wakes up, he reassured himself as he turned and headed out the front door. The diner by his house would be open. It may not have been the best food, but it'd have to do.

I'm definitely going grocery shopping tomorrow. When Lena spent the night again, he'd be ready.

*

I woke to an abrupt slap to the center of my forehead followed by a loud, demanding meow directly in my ear. The silhouette of Hemingway's pointed ears was all I could see as he stood in front of the sunlit window. “Good morning to you too.”

Another demanding meow was the creature's only reply as I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. Hemingway jumped off the bed the second I'd sleepily rolled over to throw my arms around the body that should have been beside mine but wasn't. A nervous, gut-wrenching pit filled my stomach as I patted the empty mattress. “Jake?”

No answer.

“Jake?” I called out just a bit louder as I held the blanket to my naked chest and sat up in his bed, looking around his now-empty apartment. 

The bathroom door was open and the shower was off. His kitchen was empty, although cleaner than it had been when we'd finally fallen asleep. There weren't many places one could hide in an apartment as small and open as his. I shifted slightly, fingers brushing against a thin piece of paper on his pillow. 

Relax Princess, I just ran to grab us some breakfast. Should only be ten or fifteen minutes. Make yourself comfortable and DO NOT feed the cat again no matter how much he meows at you!

Air filled my lungs and my body relaxed back into Jake's soft sheets. He was safe. I was safe. Everything was alright.

For how long though? When he returned we'd have to finally have that discussion. The discussion. I'd need to have answers - need to admit just how much I'd fallen for him. The very thought of looking into his stupid, beautiful eyes and pouring my heart out to him made me feel dizzy.

Would he feel the same now that he'd achieved his original goal? Would Jake still want me as much as I still wanted him? And how much did I want him? How far had I really fallen since the start? 

Too far. Was the only answer I could admit to. I was naked in his apartment. I had slept with him in his bed. I was waking up with the cat we'd both unofficially adopted. There was no denying it. I was hopelessly, pathetically, irreparably in this - whatever this was. There was no going back to how things were before, not when all I could think about was just how perfect Jake's lips felt on mine and how amazing last night had been.

Sex was nothing new. It was something I'd had a lot of experience in, good and bad. I knew all the steps, all the moves, and still last night had taken me by surprise. Sex with Jake had been… different. It was unlike every other sexual experience I’d had. 

I often had to find ways to keep myself in the moment, something that got easier the more I was with someone or the more time had passed. But, with Jake, I was just there. I didn't need to remind myself to breathe. I didn't need to force my body to relax and repeat his name to remind myself whose hands were touching me. 

It was fun, exciting and intimate. Instead of feeling that shameful disgust, the one I needed to tell myself wasn't real, I felt at peace. There hadn't been a single moment when we were tangled together that I’d felt anything but completely and utterly cherished. I felt safe, unburdened by all the shit that'd been complicating even the simplest things in my life. Last night nothing else mattered, nothing but us.

Us. It was a word that made my lips quirk up in a smile. Us was simple. Us was what I wanted. And us was ultimately what I was most afraid of.

There were just so many ways it could all go wrong. I could fuck it up. He could fuck it up. We could both collectively fuck it all up. And then what? We'd just have to go about our lives working together, seeing each other every day, watching each other meet new people, and moving on? Even just the possibility of seeing Jake with anyone else made me feel sick. 

No, I thought sadly. We're in too deep for that. I couldn't live without Jake. His asshole attitude and his smart mouth, his smile, his laugh, he was entwined in my life now in a way I couldn't undo even if I tried. So, the choice was already made. I'd - we’d -make it work. No matter what I had to do to keep this from falling apart - to keep him in my life - I'd do it.

After surviving another round of Hemingway's desperate attempts to convince me to feed him, I was out of Jake's bed staring at the sulking cat as I searched for Jake's dresser. “Hitting me doesn't change the fact that you already ate!”

He hissed.

“You better watch that attitude,” I replied. “Or I won't sneak you any of my breakfast when Jake gets back.”

Hemingway’s eyes narrowed and with a moment of consideration before he rubbed himself against my feet. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”

As respectfully as I could, I searched Jake's drawers until I found his clothes. While they were kind of baggy on me, it was better than walking around in his blanket all morning. Besides, I enjoyed the way they smelt like him and felt softer against my skin than my own clothes had.

My eyes trailed along his shelves, taking a more in-depth look at his books and pictures and odds and ends that he'd saved over the years. There was so much history in his space. So many things that had been saved for a reason I couldn't know just by looking at him. Curiosity swelled in me, my mind running wild with all the possible reasons he'd held onto things. For the first time in a long time I wanted to ask questions and get closer to someone. I wanted to listen to him tell me every story and every detail about his life before I entered. I wanted to know every piece of him.

My fingers traced one of the seashells as his front door opened and he stepped inside with a bag from some diner. His eyes instantly found me, that shimmer in them making me blush and my heart soar. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he replied, clearing his throat. “Sorry, I was gone so long.”

“It's no problem,” I answered, watching his eyes take in the clothes I now wore. “I… Uh… borrowed some of your clothes. I hope that's okay.”

As he set the bag down his eyes continued to roam down my body, that sinful smirk answering me long before his words did. “That's fine, though I was looking forward to coming back to a beautiful naked woman.”

“If you'd been quicker you woulda gotten that,” I teased. “I just barely got dressed.”

He clicked his tongue. “Damn. Maybe next time.”

Definitely next time, I thought as my mind played through all the new possibilities available to us now that we’d crossed the threshold. Clearing my throat, I moved to stand next to him as he unpacked the food, distractedly watching his hands for a second before asking, “What's for breakfast?”

“The works. Bacon, eggs, sausage, waffles,” he watched my nose scrunch up and chuckled before pulling a box out of the bag and setting it in front of me. “Don't worry, I got you pancakes.”

“You remembered,” I replied, eagerly opening it to the smell of the sweet stacks. “I'm impressed.”

With a shrug, Jake shooed the cat away and leaned back against the counter. “Don't be. It's not like it was a big secret.”

We both took a few tentative bites before neither of us could contain our nerves anymore. “So-”

“We-”

Chucking at one another's interruptions I nodded to him. “You go first.”

Jake watched me, the ocean in his eyes rolling with tense waves and anticipation. “Well, I guess now's as good a time as any for us to talk about last night… and the ones before.”

Don't freak out, I told myself. Just be honest. “Yeah, things have been… Interesting… between us lately.”

“Good interesting?” He asked with a cocky grin, taking a step closer to me. 

I nodded, “Great interesting. Right?”

“Right.”

“So…” The words caught in my throat as Jake took one last step closer, putting us chest to chest.

His breath, slightly sweet smelling, rolled across my face. “So…”

“I… I want t-” The front door swung open and the head of blonde hair made my teeth snap shut in anger. 

Simone stood in the open doorway, that red-lipped mouth hanging open in shock for a moment before it closed. Jake turned, brows furrowed and the tension between us quickly shifted into just tension. “...Simone?”

She smiled at him, quickly with no sincerity before she looked me up and down and nodded to herself. “Lena. What a surprise.”

I bit my tongue and simply nodded at her while my eyes scanned the floor for my shoes. Jake watched Hemingway dart to his hiding place before returning his attention to the new interruption. “How was your trip?”

The mood soured further as Simone just shook her head, her eyes wide with rage and the smile on her lips quickly shifting into a sneer. “Oh, it was just fantastic. I always love dealing with my mother alone.”

Time to go. I knew if I stayed for even another sentence Jake would be pulling me off Simone and everything between us would be stained with chunks of blonde hair and blood. I may have been able to see her for what she was, but Jake wasn’t and an attack on her - physical or otherwise - would effectively jeopardize everything I had or may have had with Jake. I pushed my hair behind my ears and hastily grabbed my things, quickly pulling on my shoes. “I should go.”

“You…” Jake started to protest, but quickly thought better of trying to keep Simone and I in a room together for longer than necessary. “We can finish this later.”

With a nod I pressed a soft kiss to his lips and forced myself to smile through the disappointment in an attempt to show him I was still ready to have the talk whenever we could find the time. “See you at work.”

“Yeah,” he answered softly, breathing out a slightly relieved sigh. “See you at work.”

As I turned I held Simone's glare, telling her without any words that she wasn't getting rid of me so easily. I grabbed the champagne bottle off the counter and slid out of Jake's apartment, closing the door behind me. The entire walk to Quinn’s I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat and kept repeating positive thoughts to keep myself from crying out of sheer frustration.

I let myself in, setting the champagne on the table next to Quinn and Ari who just looked at me in confusion. “Good morning?”

“Yeah… Morning or whatever,” I replied flopping onto Quinn's couch and melting into the cushions.

“Long night?”

“Was it bad?” Ari asked, practically jumping up from the table. “I didn't think Jake could fumble the bag when sex was involved.”

“Simoneshowedup,” I grumbled into the cushions.

Quinn settled on the arm of the couch. “Say again?”

Lifting my head I turned and glared at her. “We fucked. A lot. It was great and then right when we were about to have the talk Simone just invited herself in.”

Both Ari and Quinn's mouths formed an O. “Yikes.”

“Anything we can do?” Quinn asked, gently rubbing my back. 

Flopping back onto the couch I sighed. “Kill me.”

*

The second the door closed all hell broke loose. Simone threw her bags to the ground and angrily stomped around his kitchen to open the wine she'd brought. “Can we not do this?”

With a joyless laugh, she glared at him. “Not do what? Not keep our promises to each other? Cause you sure as hell have already started that.”

"Jesus," Jake breathed with a frustrated shake of his head. "It just barely happened. What did you want me to call you during and let you know?"

Simone glared at him, her lips thinning into that tight line. "Do not mock me, Jake.”

“I'm not mocking you. I just… I don't fucking understand what you want from me.” His whole body felt so tight he was sure he'd explode any second. “One minute you're telling me to do what I want and the next you're pissed at me for doing what I wanted to!”

“I want you to show me some goddamn respect!” She shouted, slamming her hand down on his counter. “I have been carrying you since you were eight years old and it has been the only thing I've asked of you! Yet you still find ways of failing at that too!”

Jake felt that ugly swell of tears burning behind his eyes. He felt his whole chest ache and his mind sluggishly repeat the word. Fail. Fail. Fail. That's all you ever fucking do. You fail Simone. You failed your mom. You'll fail Lena too. That's all you're good for. Gritting his teeth Jake forced himself to breathe. He forced himself to stay standing, to blink the tears away and speak, “I do respect you. I respect you more than anyone else! I just… It just barely happened, Simone. I was going to tell you the second I got the chance-”

“And when would that have been?” She asked the anger in her voice never wavering. “In a month? Two? Until I had to walk in on you?”

“It would have been when I saw you!” Jake shook his head. “I tell you everything, Simone. I always have, I always will. That's what we do. We tell each other things, we trust each other.” Slowly he could see Simone's shoulders relax and that glimmer of love return to her eyes. “Do you trust me?”

She finally abandoned the wine and gently took hold of his face. “Of course I do.”

The ache dulled as she stroked his cheeks and he finally felt like his lungs were filling with air instead of acid. “I was going to tell you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I do. I just… It surprised me. And you know how much I hate surprises.”

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

Simone smiled and pressed her lips to his, a kiss that once would have sent his heart soaring but now made his gut twist in his chest as he inevitably thought of Lena. She pulled back and nodded. “I know.”

“Are we good?”

“Yes. We are. Honestly, now I guess I’m…” Simone shook her head as she poured her wine and with a heavy sigh, Jake prepared himself for the word he knew far too well. Disappointed. “Relieved.”

“What?”

She picked at Lena's discarded dress, shrugging a shoulder as if she hadn't just been screaming at him over this. “It's done now. You've gotten it out of your system and things can finally get back to normal.”

In some sense she was right. It was done now. He tamed the tiger just like he'd wanted. Normally that did mean that Jake would move on and things would go back to normal. If Lena were anyone else he would probably fuck her a few more times before ultimately tossing her aside in favor of a new fling. But she wasn't anyone else, she was Lena…his Lena. 

Jake didn't want things to go back to normal. He didn't want to feel that emptiness - the weight of being so alone and detached - again. So, Jake stared at Simone as she tidied up his apartment drank wine, and lectured him about how rude and selfish it'd been of him to abandon her over the holiday. For an hour - one that should have been filled with Lena's soft touches and breathy moans - Jake listened to his every flaw being brought to the surface.

Usually, he'd bite back and argue - defend himself against Simone’s angry accusations and slanders. But, that morning he didn't bother. Jake was tired, frustrated, and now anxious. Simone's interruption had put him and Lena right back where they started. Their pile of rain checks had barely been touched and now they'd have to restart the awkward, nervous, avoidant dance around each other. Only this time it'd be worse because they'd actually fucked.

This time the longer they went without talking about it the more likely they both were to write it off as some one-night stand and just go back to how things had been before that first kiss. The longer he sat with that thought, the more obvious it became that he couldn't survive not talking about this. Jake needed to know how Lena felt. He needed her to know how he felt.

“Are you even listening to me?” Simone snapped with a disappointed sigh. Before he could answer she'd rolled her eyes and turned away from him. “Of course you aren't.”

God it was going to be a long day.

*

The locker room was filled with gossip as I entered and shoved Sasha off as he jumped around me practically squealing, “Let me see, let me see!”

“See what?”

“Baby Jakey's work!” He replied. “From your sex!”

I glared at Ari, who sheepishly smiled. “Oh… Were you not telling people?”

“Fuck off. All of you,” I warned, opening my locker and getting changed as quickly as I could to try and avoid Sasha's peeking. The Russian only let up when a familiar broad-shouldered bartender set his bike down and entered the locker room. 

“JAKEY!” Sasha purred. “Take your shirt off!”

Jake brushed past him, shaking his head. “Not in the mood Sasha.”

“Oohhhh,” he glanced between the two of us. “Was the sex that bad?”

I whirled around and slapped his forearm, cursing him in Russian until he retreated from the room giggling with Ari. “Fucking dickhead.”

Jake and I locked eyes. Desire and frustration vibrated between us, but neither of those made my heart drop… the uncertainty in Jake’s eyes, the new sliver of doubt shining back at me did. Had Simone talked him out of whatever this was? Had she dug those talons into his back hard enough for him to abandon the feelings I knew we both felt? Or had all of this… everything between us really just been part of some long game for him? 

My racing thoughts must have been obvious, because Jake took a step toward me, mouth open to try and say something before Simone stepped into the locker room, happily humming as if she hadn't interrupted us at all. The apologetic look in his eyes was the only thing that kept me from punching that smug blonde bitch in the back of the head. I ground my teeth together and turned around to finish getting ready.

I left the two of them and their small talk in the locker room and headed to the table for family meal. Howard, who looked slightly tanner, offered me an apologetic look of his own that I didn't understand until I sat down and my eyes found the new painting hanging on the wall. Right. That's a fucking thing.

The vivid orange petals were splattered with red. I found my mind having to remind itself that it'd been wine instead of blood this time. The jagged cuts in the canvas and its slightly bent shape made it all too clear what'd happened to this particular empty showcase.

The glass shattered over the top of the painting at my feet, wine sloshing over the half-painted petals and the shards of glass slicing the canvas where it struck. If this had been any other circumstance I would have admired how artistic it made the piece look. But this was just another bender.

Tony lay on the ground next to the broken glass, laughing. It didn't matter how much or how loud he laughed, I could see the tired bags under his eyes and the hazed far off look that made me wonder if there was some human part of him deep inside. I almost pitied him, if just for one fragmented moment. 

Jules checked his pulse and shoved my painting aside to keep him away from the broken glass. Turning to me he nodded to the mostly incoherent man at his side. “Stay with him while I get the doctor.”

“Of course,” I obediently answered, moving to kneel beside Tony. Jules gave my shoulder a soft squeeze as he stood and hurried toward the elevator.

My eyes fixated on the broken shards of glass just a few inches away. I could easily take one and shove it into his neck or cut his wrists. I could make it look like an accident… Like he'd done it to himself. Before the fear or the guilt could stop me I was reaching for the largest shard.

“Lena…” Tony mumbled, voice quivering as his glazed-over eyes searched for me. “Lena?”

“I'm here,” I answered quietly, my finger lingering on the glass as I looked down at him.

He relaxed instantly at the sound of my voice, lifting his hand to search for me in the dimly lit living room. “I… I can't see. Lena?”

Pity, understanding, and sympathy slowly replaced the darker thoughts in my head. With a gentle sigh, I slid closer to him, taking his hand in mine and pulling Tony into my lap. “I'm here.”

“W… Will you stay?” He mumbled kissing my hand. “Will you stay with me?”

The reply was practically instant… trained. “Of course.”

Tony set my hand against his chest, forcing me to feel the beating of his heart that cruelly reminded me he was a living, breathing human being. “Promise?”

Staring down at the floor of broken glass and then at the tender, beautiful face of the man I hated and feared and… Loved… I nodded. The words sounded sincere but filled my chest with a numbness that made it hard to breathe. “I promise.”

It was a low blow, reminding me of my supposed love for him. Reminding me that I'd made promises… Attempting to guilt me back into obedience. What was worse though, was that it worked.

In an entirely, uniquely twisted… Fucked up way my whole body went into some old, automatic tense posture. My chest burned with shame and my head filled with guilt-riddled thoughts. You broke his heart. You abandoned him. You said you'd never leave… Grinding my teeth together and balling my hands into fists I forced myself to remember the truth.

Being with Tony hadn't just been lavish gifts and eloquent love letters and expensive trips abroad. Those moments were far and few between. Being with him was filled with venom and rage. Being with him meant being held down, fighting… Aching. It was full of bloodied knuckles, bruises, and broken glass. Obey or be punished. Obey or starve. Obey or drown. 

It wasn't love, I told myself, forcing that thought to be louder than all the others. What we had was never love.

*

Jake sat across the table from her, silently cursing himself for not offering her the reassurance she clearly needed in the locker room. The glassy, scared look in her eyes as she picked up on that tiny part of him that doubted if he deserved her, was stuck in his mind like a sliver. Beside him, Simone quietly ate her food while all he could do was watch Lena. Her eyes hadn’t met his again, unsteady they were fixed past him on the flower painting that now hung on the wall. He could see so much emotion raging in her distant eyes. Fear, fondness, guilt, shame. It wasn't like the other paintings. Those had just made her afraid, angry but this… This was one of those things he didn't understand and it made his chest tighten.

The only thing that drew his gaze away from her was the neatly pressed suit and the fucking pervert that wore it. Howard was back. To his credit, the manager barely looked at him, but Jake could still see the faint bruises that he'd done his vest to conceal. With steady steps Howard approached Lena, one hand holding a bottle while the other lifted, moving toward her shoulder.

Howard's eyes locked with his and Jake did his best to convey the ass-kicking he'd be dishing out if he so much as tried to touch her. Do it. I fucking dare you. At the last second his hand shifted to the back of the chair and a smug sense of pride made Jake's mouth twitch into a smile.

“A gift…” Howard told her carefully, setting the wine down in front of her. “An apology for my involvement.”

Lena’s gaze slowly drifted away from the painting to glare at the bottle. For a moment, her face remained expressionless before a thin, bitter smile spread on her lips. “Expensive.”

“And one of your favorites.”

She said nothing as she stood and began pouring the wine into her glass. Lena's eyes were fixed on Howard even as the glass began to overflow, wine staining the white tablecloth in seconds. The manager pursed his lips, disappointment and a mild look of frustration playing out on his still slightly discolored face. No one said a single word as the bottle finally ran empty and Lena set it back down.

Howard sighed. “Was that truly necessary?”

Still, without a single word, Lena knocked the glass over, sending wine down the table. She strode past him and toward the kitchen just as everyone at the table burst with laughter and gossip. Jake leaned back in his seat and grinned at Howard, enjoying every second of the manager's hateful gaze.

Simone looked at the mess with a disapproving shake of her head. “Such a waste.”

Howard's glare shifted to Sasha and Ari as they continued their laughter. With a snap of his fingers and a swift gesture to the mess he barked out the order, “You two, please get this tablecloth in a soak and clean this up?”

“No fair,” Ari pouted quietly as they started cleaning. “Tiger Bitch makes a mess and we have to clean it.”

“Nepotism,” Sasha answered almost flippantly. “Tiger Bitch is special baby.”

Jake took his plate and Simone's back to the kitchen, eyes finding Lena among the dish crew with ease. She had her head down, focused completely on washing the dishes in the sink. As he set his dirty plates down he watched the water, trying to gauge how hot it was in an attempt to tell how fucked up the painting and Howard had her. It was bad, but not as bad as the first time.

He didn't want to leave her, not when she was like this. A hand waved in his peripheral vision, drawing his gaze to the line where Isaac nodded him toward the door. A silent but reassuring message that he'd keep an eye on her through this shift. Jake spared one last look to the back of her head before he sighed and left the kitchen.

Service felt longer than it should have. Wave after wave of rich assholes poured through the door and gawked at that painting hanging on the wall with Lena's name on it. It made him feel angry and sick to his stomach even just imagining what horrible memory she'd tried to bury in that paint. And there these fuckers were, complimenting it… Calling it a masterpiece. Worse than that Jake knew that even if they knew the full story they'd still find it just as fascinating - maybe even more.

As he made the drinks and served the guests in front of him, Jake made it a point to glare at Howard. The disgusting man was practically trying to sell the damn thing. He stood beside the crowd, pointing out the details of the piece and praising the painter, who he'd already revealed worked in the restaurant. When he'd walked past the bar toward the kitchen it took all of Jake's willpower not to hit him again.

Only a minute had passed before his heart dropped into his stomach at the sound of shattering dishes. In an instant Jake was moving towards the kitchen doors, his heartbeat practically echoing her name. Just as he reached the end of the bar, Sasha fled the scene with a deviant smile, effectively blocking Jake's path. “The hell happened?”

“Tiger Bitch is not in a playful mood tonight,” The Russian answered. “Dear Howard was telling her that some of the guests wanted to speak with her about her painting and she just held up a plate,” he illustrated the throwing movement as well as the crash with his hands, “She threw a plate and told him she'd throw one every time he spoke to her.”

A part of him couldn't help but feel satisfied at how hostile she was acting towards Howard. She may not have known what he did, but Jake was glad she was giving him hell even if it wasn't for the worst of his crimes against her. But, beneath that satisfaction was the simmering worry that it would all be too much for Lena to handle and he'd have to watch her spiral into another night of panic and drowning her fears in alcohol. 

Sasha watched his face, reading it carefully as he set his head in his hands and leaned on the bar in front of Jake. “Something about those paintings puts Tiger in a bad mood.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he replied curtly.

“Tell me what you know, pretty Jake,” he urged. 

Jake leaned forward, looking around them for a moment as if he cared about who could hear them. “I know you should get the fuck off my bar and back to work.”

The Russian cursed and waved him off. “Ha ha, you so funny.” With a thoughtful look, he shifted his question, “So, what's next?”

“Next?” Jake asked with a pointed look.

Sasha smirked and gave him an innocent shrug. “Well, now that you've tamed the tiger you'll be taking on a new project, yes? A new hostess maybe?”

Turning his head to the hostess stand Jake caught the new girl bashfully averting her eyes from the bar. In the past, he would have felt a thrill at the idea of stringing along another sweet, innocent hostess… But now when he looked at her and saw those blushing cheeks that told him she was interested all he could think of was how boring it'd be. No one would ever be able to offer him even a fraction of what he had with Lena.

No one else would challenge him the way she did. It didn't matter how pretty the hostess was, she wouldn't tease him encourage him, or support him the way the redhead did. No one could be more beautiful than her, funnier than her, smarter than her, more badass, or fearless. No one would be Lena and if it wasn't her… Well, he just didn't want it.

“Nah,” Jake finally replied, returning to his work. “No new projects.”

Sasha made a shocked face and with a quiet, almost supportive hum he asked, “Who really tamed who?”

*

The second service ended, I grabbed my shit and left out the alley door. I'd wanted to wait for Jake to talk to him, but after seeing that painting and having Howard tell me about the requests some rich asshole made to meet me… It was too much. As I wandered the brisk city, desperately trying to force the pit in my stomach to dissolve with the movement, I had to continuously pull myself from wave after wave of old thoughts trying to plague me with guilt and make me doubt what I knew to be true.

It wasn't love. It was never love.

Everything I'd been through, all the years I'd spent moving on, and all it took was one painting to make me feel like that sad, lonely, dead little girl. One painting and in whatever fucking twisted way I was looking back on the times when Tony made me laugh or smile or feel anything good. Those memories were ones I had to combat with the truth and the truth meant remembering and remembering meant I couldn't just pretend like everything was fine.

Tony had not only been in the restaurant but had weaseled his way into Howard's ear, and quite possibly my aunt's. He'd hung the paintings to elicit a very specific response and I'd played right into it. The larger message was simple. It was a reminder that in this game we were playing, he was the king. He snapped his fingers and everyone would play whatever tune he wanted, me included.

Fear, anger, guilt. What was his next move? I wondered as I had many times before. And just like every time before, I hadn't the faintest idea. Even with all the time I'd spent with him to give me a clear picture of who he was and how he thought, I'd never been able to predict his moves. The one thing I knew to be a certainty was there wasn't a damn thing he wouldn't do and that meant everything I loved was at stake… that meant the people closest to me were in danger.

Ozzy, Peter, Patrick, Quinn, Prue, Nana, Abdul, Isaac, Dom, Scott, Ari, Sasah… Jake. They were all possible targets for Tony to choose from. It was terrifying to think about and so I forced myself to not think about it. The lights over Ozzy's bar eventually flashed ahead of me as I did my best to shed myself of the powerless feeling that was now firmly rooted in my stomach. I had to keep moving forward, even blindly. I had to focus on the good around me, even if it was just a tiny speck of it.

He wouldn't take this from me. He would never take anything from me again.

As I made my way to the door I heard the rumble of Dom's bike engine and felt a sense of relief wash over me. As he pulled into the bike spaces I reminded myself of my one advantage in this fucked up game. I had Dom. He wouldn't let anything bad happen. Not ever again.

He had a tired look in his eyes as he flung his leg over the side and stood, thanking the bikers around him as they followed suit.

“Busy day?” I called out, drawing his attention to me.

A thought made his brows pinch together as he sighed and walked toward me. “Yeah.”

As he walked with me through the bar door a faint, floral smell lingered on his jacket. I leaned in, smelling him a bit deeper. “You open a flower shop or something?”

“Huh?”

“You smell all flowery,” I replied tugging on his jacket.

Dom's face drained of any emotion as he shrugged. “Right. Yeah, I… Had some business with a florist.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “Are you back in the game of wooing Mav?”

“No.”

“Oh come on, you can tell me!” I playfully urged. “You know I'm in full support of your “marriage”.”

With a sigh he stopped, gently placing a hand on my arm. “Lena… There's something we should talk about.”

A sudden tightness seized my throat at his serious tone and blank expression. “What's going on?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sasha and the group waving their hands in the air, urging me to hurry and join them. “Tiger! Come on!”

Dom glanced at them and quickly shook his head. “I… just wanted to give you a heads up that Nana's got a big celebration planned for your birthday.”

“Oh.” A relieved breath left my lungs in the form of an anxious chuckle. “Oh, good. Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry,” he quietly replied.

“It's okay. I promised Nana she could go all out this year and… I dunno…” Glancing back at my group, at my brothers and Quinn and Prue, the restaurant crew… Jake… I smiled. I had these people in my life. They may have been in danger by being here - being close to me - but they were here nonetheless. None of them cared about possible dangers, they still chose to be here with me. The weight that had made everything feel so heavy slowly eased as I looked at my friends… my family and smiled wider. “Maybe it won't be so bad this year.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he mumbled, giving me a pat on the head. “That's real good, kid. Now go on. Enjoy your night or whatever.”

I caught his arm before he could go too far, squeezing it and offering him a sad smile. “You been to visit her yet?”

Dom's whole body tensed. He likely thought I forgot, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it, but with a quick shake of his head, he answered “No… I don't know if I'm gonna this year.”

“Well if you do, tell her I said hi.” I knew that Dom didn't really believe in ghosts or angels. I knew to him Sarah wouldn't hear him or even know if he'd visited at all, but every year I still encouraged him to go to her grave as some kind of birthday gift to her. He had yet to do it, but I could tell that speaking of her fondly from time to time - acknowledging that his sister existed and had been important - helped ease the hurt in him a little.

But, tonight that didn't seem to be the case.

Dom averted his gaze, cleared his throat, and nodded to the group with a firm, “Go on.”

The chaos of the night continued as expected. My friends and their antics helped me push all the bad the day had to offer back into their boxes and as I met Jake's eyes over the bartop. I was scared that he’d still have that speck of doubt lingering in those beautiful eyes, but as he stared back at me all I could see was the desire. It reminded me of the good… of the possibility that I could have something normal.

Remembering how right it felt to kiss him, to feel him in every way physically possible made me flush with a shameless want to do it all again. Jake's never-faltering gaze didn't help either. It was like he knew exactly what I was thinking and that he wholeheartedly agreed. As the night progressed and the bar slowly started to slow I found myself avoiding leaving it. The pit in my stomach, though lessened still filled me with a lingering and old voice urging me to take the quickest, easiest path away from potential heartache. End it.

That conversation we didn't get to have was now right in front of me and I felt scared. Terrified that something had changed. If Jake told me he wanted to move on from last night it would gut me. But if he said he wanted us to be something official… That thought made me feel almost as sick, just in a different way. Get him as far away from you as possible.

How many men had come before him? All of whom I'd deeply felt for and all of whom Tony had destroyed in some way or another. So what would he do to Jake? What would Tony do to the man that I cared for most… The man who was different from every other in a way I didn't even fully understand. Protect him.

Ozzy set a hand on my shoulder and nudged me to the door. “Go on and get some rest, dear. You've helped enough.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, accepting the kiss on the head and making my way out the back door where I attempted to steel myself.

The gym was quiet, with only a few lights left on to illuminate the old pictures on the walls. As I looked at my dad's smiling face in every photo that scared voice in me quieted, instead replaced by his. “Why you gotta fight me every step of the way?”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I’d replied coldly, angry and terrified. Dad had done nothing but offer me love and acceptance since I’d gotten back for the summer, two things I knew weren’t given away for free. He wanted something but instead of telling me what it was chose to play some cruel game instead. 

My dad’s shoulders slumped slightly, a sigh falling from his lips as he stared down at me with a pitiful look. I prepared myself for his disappointment, but it never came. “I don’t want anything from you, Lena.”

Shaking my head I swallowed hard. “Everyone wants something from me.”

“Alright,” he finally relented. “I do want one thing. I want you to live.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” I asked, timid but still angry. 

“You’re alive, sure,” he replied, carefully reaching out to touch my shoulder. “But this ain’t living. This hostile… bitterness you’re carrying, it’s not what life’s supposed to be like. Especially not for a kid.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, guilt filling my lungs as another failure was added to the list.

Dad bent down, forcing our eyes to meet, and smiled. “Don’t be sorry. It ain’t your fault. Just… let us help you. Let me help you, sweet girl.”

With tears building in my eyes, I answered, “Okay. I… Sorry I’ve been making it so hard for you.”

He pulled me into his arms and kissed my head. “You make my life, all our lives, better just by bein here. All we want is for you to see that…” He pulled away, taking my face in his hands and smushing my cheeks the way he thought was funny. “Come on. Let’s go start livin, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The sound of the alley door opening spurred me back into motion. As I headed up the stairs to the apartment I could hear Jake's steady footsteps following me. His movements didn’t sound rushed or hesitant, just steady. My heart hammered in my chest and my head filled with a hundred thoughts, a hundred voices all shouting different things at me. Jake appeared in the stairwell, hands in his pockets as he put one foot on the bottom step before stopping himself. “Now a good time to talk?”

The longer I looked down at him the quieter my mind got. Nodding I opened the door and shrugged. “As good a time as we’re probably gonna get.”

He trudged up the stairs with a faint smile on his face and all the noise, all the extra baggage weighing me down fell away. The smell of alcohol, faint cigarette smoke and Jake’s colognue reminded me that I was here. I was in this moment, not the ones in Tony’s paintings or in picture frames. I was here. I was alive and now I wanted to live.

Jake stepped inside and quietly watched me as I closed the door behind him. “You okay?”

“Yeah!” I replied, clearing my throat and taking a tensely casual position by the table. “Why wouldn't I be?”

He shrugged. “You seemed to be kind of somewhere else today… after seeing that painting.”

My jaw clenched as the ugly emotions in me wanted to return. “Yeah… That wasn't great but, I'm okay now.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” I laughed a little to myself, forcing my body to focus on that feeling of steadiness and safety that Jake’s presence brought me. “Besides, we have other stuff we need to talk about, don't we?”

Now he looked just as nervous as I felt. “Yeah.”

“We're kind of horrible at this, aren't we?”

Jake nodded in agreement, chuckling before he spoke, “Yeah… okay… Fuck it, I'm just gonna start. Neither of us do well with labels,” Jake offered before quickly stammering over his own words. “Not that I'm against labeling this as… Whatever. I just mean…”

“Why put a label on things when we're still figuring out exactly what things are?” I finished, ignoring the slight sting of disappointment that festered in my chest by focusing on the wave of relief.

“Exactly.” He scratched his head and cleared his throat. “So… We… keep it casual.”

“Casual,” I agreed. Casual was fun, predictable but most importantly safe. Casual was familiar to both of us and given everything that had happened - changed in our lives and in our friendship - maybe that was a safety net we both needed. 

Casual.

Jake nodded, taking a careful step forward. “If someone were to ask what we were… What would we say to that?”

I watched his lips, resisting the urge to end all the tedious talking by kissing him. ���We'd say we're casually seeing each other? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? Whatever feels right to you I'm fine with.”

“So, you're a girl I'm seeing… casually?”

Nodding I forced myself to meet his eyes, not that it helped either of us stay on track. “And you're a boy I'm seeing casually.”

Jake's hands slid around me, urging me to lean into him. With that simple touch, everything else faded into the back of my mind. I felt myself relax into him, my body finally able to focus on those tingling sensations of desire and excitement. “And since we're seeing each other, casually, it'd be perfectly normal for us to kiss, right?”

“I think it'd be expected, really.”

“Good,” he mumbled, running his thumb over my lower lip. “I liked being your friend and all, but I don't think I can go any longer without fucking you again.”

As if it had a mind of its own my tongue slipped out to lick his thumb and tug it between my teeth for a second. I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing, teasing… Testing the waters… Inviting him to fuck me as much as he wanted? “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Smirking, he brushed my hair behind my ears. “That.”

His lips further erased every ounce of tension, guilt, disappointment, and fear from my lungs. The way his hands cradled my face replaced everything with a warm fuzzy sense of safety. The painting, Howard, Simone… Nothing else mattered. As long as I had this, him, somehow I knew everything would be alright. 

When he pulled back for air he smiled with a quiet sigh. “This is how our morning should have gone. Sorry about Simone.”

“It's alright. We’re here now.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, leaning back down towards me. “I haven't been able to think about anything else all day.”

Before our lips could connect again I threw one last taunt at him, “I knew you liked being my friend.”

Jake rolled his eyes, warm hands sliding down my cheek to take hold of my hips. “God you're insufferable.”

I ran my hands down his chest and whispered against his lips, “You like it.”

“Shut up.” Our lips finally touched, soft hands quickly turning into heated grabs at one another's clothes.

With a half step forward Jake pressed me into the back of a kitchen chair. His tongue invaded my mouth as his hands pulled my sleeves away from my shoulders, clearing a path for his lips and teeth to follow. The way his lips felt against my skin was something that made me shiver. Jake was… How had he put it? Adept in the art of pleasure? Smug bastard… And completely right.

“God,” Patrick groaned the second he opened the door. His hand slapped over his face, covering his eyes and sighing in defeat. “Guess I should get used to that now that you two are officially a thing.”

“Casually,” Jake and I both corrected.

My brother blindly made his way around the kitchen table. “Yeah yeah, “casually” whatever ya say. Just keep alla that “casual” touchy-feely shit in your room or something.”

“Sorry,” we both mumbled watching Patrick run into his bedroom door before quickly opening it and fleeing inside.

I nodded to my bedroom door and smiled as I tugged Jake toward it. He followed, pushing the door closed behind him. I practically pounced on him, pressing my chest into his as I pulled his head down to reconnect our lips. Jake stumbled slightly causing the door to rattle. Before we could say anything else Irish folk music blared through Pat’s speakers. A crystal clear message.

“Shhh,” I whispered against his collarbone with a giggle. “We have to be quiet!”

“I'm not the one that needs to worry about that.” To prove his point he took a handful of my ass and ground himself against my core, pulling a sharp - loud - moan from me.

“Nope! I'm leaving!” Patrick shouted as the music turned off. “You two have an hour before Pete gets back! For the love of god, be done before then!”

I smirked at Jake. “Now I finally have you all to myself.”

“Looks that way,” he replied. “You gonna entertain me?”

“Of course! What kind of host would I be if I didn't?”

His eyes sparkled with lust as he watched my mouth move. “Well, what's your plan?”

Leaning in I pressed my lips to his neck, occupying my hands with his belt and starting the slow drag of my body down his. When my knees hit the floor and I'd gotten Jake's pants down I looked up at him, fluttering my lashes and smiling at him. “I'm sure I'll think of something you'll enjoy.”

*

My dearest Lena,

In the unlikely event you're reading this letter I simply wished to send you a simple reminder of my devotion to you. A token of my love will be finding its way to your door soon and soon we will be reunited once more.

Yours, Anthony

Dom stared at the letter, examining each line as meticulously as he would an engine. He needed to know what the sick bastard had planned. Needed to know how to protect her from whatever was coming. Tony wouldn't make it easy or fair. He never did and this time was different. He was braver than before, bolder in his actions than Dom had ever seen him. 

After the beating he'd given him upon hearing all he'd done to Lena, Tony should have been cowering in some far corner of the world. He should have been terrified to even set foot in the city again and yet there he was, in her apartment, waving at her landlord, waving at him. 

The longer he held the evidence of Tony's visit the more guilty he felt for keeping it secret. Lena deserved to know. Her brothers had the right to know about the danger. They all deserved better than he could give them.

With a sigh, he lifted the lighter to the corner of the paper and watched the fire spread to the cursive words in ink. He dropped it into the empty bin and picked the orange flower up off the table before tossing it into the fire too.

He should have killed Tony a hundred times by now. A mistake he wasn't going to make again. Then and there Dom silently vowed that the next time he saw that fuckers face he'd put a bullet between his eyes.

[rey-jake-therapist]

Just listened to Tamino's Persephone for the first time today as it was included in an Hannigram playlist, and I want to share it here because it suits Simone and Jake's toxic dynamics to a tee. Now that I introduced Mattias, Mina's stepfather, through a dream sequence I can also add that it's perfect for Mina and Mattias' dynamic as well....

Jake and Mina are, of course, Persephone.

Yes my love, I confess to you I am only here to break your heart in two The very flower you chose that day Its only task was to decay You see? When I watched your first bathing I only warned you with a lowered voice "Be wary of my river's undertow It flows with water from the coldest source" Did you hear? And then I made sure You would always return You still know of dawn But you always return When you hid under my black wings They couldn't have protected you from anything Once in flight they would have let go You would have once again wound up below Only broken Indeed, it's wrong to keep you near me One could call me cruel and deceiving But in your sacred air I am full of light Your loving arms are the true delight To which I'm lost And you've noticed it There is something right here You have come to love, yes you've come to love What you always will fear Yes, my love, I confess to you I've nothing but the means to break your heart in two My part in yours may seem important now But with every spring it will seem so small Just for now I am your fall I am your fall I am your fall

[melancholypancakes]

Author Note: I have not read or seen the tv show sweetbitter, I would like to see the show but that cost money and I’m not into reading erotic novels.

But I do love Jake 😌 there isn’t enough fanfics of Jake 😩

Little fact: Briselda my own cinderella name I came up with ;) also Bri is just a cinnamon roll trying to find love and life but she probably came into the wrong restaurant when there is only lust and juicy drama 👀👀👀

[rey-jake-therapist]

"What if they kissed and fucked again"

~ Jake and Mina ~

*sees two emotionally fucked up people who should be in therapy* what if they kissed

[nyx0090]

Sweetbitter: Golden Ice

Sweetbitter [Jake x Reader/OC]

Word Count: 11.053 (and pretty proud of it).

TW: +18, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (f recieving), soft!Jake. Use of Y/N. Fem!Reader.

A/n: I think I made Jake's character more soft than actually intended but I like him like this too. I'm very proud of this work even if some parts don't exactly convince me bc it's the first work I manage to finish in years so.

It is edited but if still there are mistakes please excuse them. I hope you'll like it.

Spotify Playlist some of the songs are actually in the series and some, I think, fit the vibes of the series. These inspired this whole fic so if someone wants to listen to them while reading feel free.

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At a certain point every night seems the same: get changed, get the food, smile and be polite, change again and go home. But sometimes this normality, this routine, helps especially having lived many years running around cause mom and dad always had to get transferred for work and I never got to settle as I wanted. Never had friends that lasted more than a couple of weeks, maybe a month before I never heard from them again. Not being able to find secret spots or hang out with people my age, I was always present at important events and meeting.

“This is going to be useful for your future, you’ll have time for friends, maybe” this is what mom and dad always told me.

Stability is what I always longed for and now I got it, sometimes it's boring and sometimes it simply reminds me that this is what I wanted after running left and right in all America. After not being able to actually know someone.

To keep things interesting, I sang at a place, a wonderful jazz bar, the Golden Ice, once in a while, when they needed. I sang there all night, got a few free drinks, got changed and went back home. Getting away from the drama at the restaurant because I felt that the more I stayed away, the better.

Tonight was no different. I had to work at the restaurant and then grab my things and go sing for a while in a place that seemed a completely different world, and it kind of was compared to Home Bar. Or the restaurant.

I only had one problem, that little problem being a 5'9-man, black hair and many tattoos. Jake got "interest" (if it can be called that seeing who Jake is), apparently, in following me some nights when he probably was bored, had no one to get laid with and didn't want to Home Bar.

As if I wouldn’t notice.

I did not know the reason but all I knew is that his timing in ‘stalking’ was annoyingly impeccable. I mean I only went to two places: the jazz bar and a sort of library open 24/7 in which you enter only with a pass that is given to clients who are interested, grab a book and then decide if you stay there or want to go home. It’s like being in an office but you get to read and have a good time. And Jake always, always managed to follow me when I went to the bar.

Tonight, I had to sing right after the shift at the restaurant and had to fly there almost. And I knew, knowing my luck, that he would have followed me. Maybe I was being too sneaky and that just piqued his curiosity. All I knew was that he was annoying at how well he picked the nights I wanted to keep most secret.

I didn't want anyone at the restaurant to know about me singing. Don’t get me wrong it’s not because its them: I love that group of crazy coworkers I have but I considered it nothing special and I preferred no one to know anyway. That included Jake.

《So... how is the night going?》 Jake asked, cleaning a few glasses and starting drinks.

《As always: many clients, some bullshit and I can't wait to go home.》 I answered opening bottles and replacing some caps for Nicky and him to use later.

He shrugged and a small smirk lifted his lips.

《What about yours?》 I said in return placing the bottles back where they should be.

《Nothing much either. Will you come to Home Bar later?》 he suddenly asked.

《No, I'll just go home. I want to lay down and sleep so bad.》 I yawned to get the point across and hope he would go to Home Bar and not follow me.

He nodded before going back to prepare some drinks while I finished up the bottles.

Once finished I went to get some ice seeing they were running low on it. While I was getting that I already planned the path I had to walk to the bar and pick the one that would have a bar allow me to go out the back and get rid of Jake.

I went back upstairs and left the ice to Jake before going to the kitchen and go on with the same routine, bringing plates and being polite.

Jake's eyes kept following me through the night. I kind of understood what he wanted from me: he wanted a good fuck. Just like he did with everyone else. But I was not willing to give that. He might be handsome and attractive, but a pretty face was not enough for me.

Talking might have gotten him more far, but he didn't seem the type.

I didn't mind the ‘friendship’ we developed tho: joking, teasing sometimes and helping each other. Talking a bit during shifts and passing some alcohol under the table. Terrible jokes and playful insults. I liked that, it felt right for us.

At the end of the night, I changed in the outfit I would have worn to the jazz bar and covered it with my long black coat. October temperatures did not forgive already, and it was the perfect excuse. Once I was all covered up and ready to go, I headed downstairs.

《Bye guys! Have fun at Home Bar!》 I chirped, waving my way to the door.

《You're not coming with us? Come on!》 Ari said, already a bit tipsy as always.

《Sorry dear, I'm super tired tonight and don't have the right outfit anyway.》 I answered going up to her and hugging her.

Then I was off. After a few blocks I heard Jake following me.

'Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. How does he have such timing?' I thought. I started to walk faster towards my only saving way out of here.

When I entered the chaotic bar I spotted a dear friend of mine, Michelle, and she brought me to the back door without questions.

Jake could not follow me to the back from inside the bar and even if he got outside, he would have lost some time before catching up, giving me time to slip away to work.

As I went, I kept thinking how to approach him about it. It would be fun to see his face when I would ask why does he follow me. I smiled to myself before turning into an alley and going in through the back.

《There you are! I was worried something happened to you!》 came Ambra, a sweet 30 years old small woman, hugging me and cupping my face in her hands turning it left and right before hugging me again. She would have sung with me tonight as many other nights and she was already almost finished with her outfit and make-up.

《Had to get rid of my little friend.》 I shrugged as we went to my changing room to get make-up on.

《Why don't you just tell him if he seems so interested?》 Ambra questioned as I sat down in the chair.

《Cause I don't want people at work to know. I don't have to tell them anything - I defended – and besides he could just ask me instead of following me around like a creep.》 I concluded and closed my eyes as she applied my eye make-up. Then she went away to get the last things ready too and I finished by myself. Some time was saved having worn my dress before.

I wore another pair of shoes and just went off to the stage.

When we started to sing the small crowd of the bar started to cheer and we started to just have fun too. I was always a little nervous before a performance, no matter how many times I did it. And to be able to sing along side Ambra whom had the most beautiful voice was always a pleasure and an honor.

She was way more experienced than me for sure and yet never looked down on me for it. She was like a second mom to me or a big sister.

When the night was finished, and I got changed in a more comfortable outfit I went to the bar to bid goodnight to everyone and found my usual drink waiting for me as a thank you from the owner who work as a bartender there.

《Thank you Rick!》 I called out. He gave me a thumbs up as a response before finishing up with cleaning. When I was done, I got my things, said goodbye again and went home.

I got to a bus stop and waited for mine. While waiting and to make the time pass a bit faster, I put on my old earphones.

Soon the bright lights of the bus announced its arrival, I hopped on, ready for a pretty long ride. Usually from the restaurant I could go home walking, it was a bit long, but I could manage. From here was straight off too long and I did not had the energy.

.

The next day went pretty well. Running errands in the morning, taking a good long bath and then getting ready to work as always.

When I came in Jake was almost finished changing and I started to take off my jacket. I could see a mile away he wanted to ask me something, continuously looking behind his shoulder. But he couldn’t, I didn’t know nothing for him, and I said I always went home after work so what would there be to ask?

I had to stifle a giggle at how frustrated he looked when he went out. To go this much just so he could get laid seemed a bit much even for him. There were plenty of girls who he could hook up with.

‘Maybe he was just bored.’

I shrugged it off before finishing up and getting out. Luckly tonight I did not have to go anywhere so a good book and a cozy tea at home were awaiting me. Or maybe I could join humanity and go to Home Bar with the others.

I helped with putting down the tables, getting some saltshakers and the flowers watered to be sure they looked fresher.

Then the restaurant opened, and I got the coats to put away. It was probably the most relaxing task because it was a quiet space, but it always lasted way too little.

《Hey could you back up?》 Tess asked me, three plates already in hand. I immediately went to her and helped bringing the plates to the table.

《Have I seen you somewhere?》 one of the man at the table asked looking at me. Of course, he knew me being a fucking regular at the other bar.

'Could one thing go right?'

《I'm afraid you are mistaking me for someone else, sir.》 I politely answered, Tess eyes scrutinizing me.

I just kept looking at the men and when the silence became too long, I added 《Very well, enjoy your meal!》

We went away from the table. I had no time for this tonight, and I knew Tess was going to ask questions.

We weren't even into the kitchen when she started bombarding me

《Are you sure he was wrong or just didn't want to tell in front of me?》 she teased.

《No Tess, I don't know him. It must have been a genuine mistake.》 I said stopping at the bar and asking for a shot of rum.

《Oh, come on! He is pretty handsome too. What are you hiding?》 she kept teasing as I chugged down the liquid to get the edge off. It was going to be a stressful night then.

《Nothing Tess, I seriously don't know him! Never seen him in my life.》 I said getting back to work. Jake was nowhere to be found. Better.

In no time the whole kitchen and not knew about this slip up and I was done for. Everyone kept asking questions.

《He seems good for you. You know there is nothing bad with it right? You can tell us.》 Ari teased and Heather agreed.

《What you bitches talking about?》 came in Sasha who, extraordinarily, still did not know.

《Y/N's new man at table 14.》 Ari said with a smirk.

《Oh, my God. He is not my man, ok? I don't know him! He just has mistaken me for someone else!》

I said on the verge of asking the third or fourth rum of the night. And we were only halfway through the shift. A hand went down my face, exhausted.

Maybe no humanity or Home Bar tonight.

When I went out of the kitchen, I spotted Nicky and asked another shot of rum.

《You sure you're okay?》 he asked a bit worried about my alcohol consumption tonight. Usually I went to one, two shots three if it was a rough night but almost coming up to four or five was new for him.

《Yeah, simply everyone being absolutely exhausting about a man who mistook me for someone else.》 I answered 'honestly' drinking fast before Howard could catch me.

Right at that time the table I helped Tess earlier started to get up and towards us, giving me the number for the coat closet.

《Are you sure we haven't met before?》 he asked one more time taking his coat from my hands and wearing it.

《Absolutely positive sir.》 I said with a smile.

When they were gone, and I turned around Jake was watching me.

I wanted to crash my head in the nearest wall, now he is not going to let me be, ever.

《Do you know him?》 he asked as he cleaned some more glasses.

《Nope, never seen him. He got a crab thinking I was someone he knew.》

And with that I went away back to the kitchen. He kept boring holes for the rest of the night into my back and I was this close to punch him in the face.

Definitely no humanity or Home Bar.

‘Fuck it, I'm going home to tea and books.’

I thought as I got changed, fighting with the last three buttons of my shirt with my trembling hands.

《Oh, Lord》 I groaned still trying. ‘Why, why did I drink so much?’  At the end I managed to drink around seven shots. I was not drunk but definitely tipsy if I could not undo three damn buttons. I gave up and went to the small sink to splash a bit of water on my face to freshen up. It kind of worked, my hands were still trembling but at least I got out of my stirpes.

When I finished changing, Jake entered the room. I said nothing and went out with my much more comfortable long skirt and blouse on and my bag and coat in hand.

《I’m going home, bye guys.》 I announced near the door not getting anything anymore to drink. A chorus of ‘bye’s’ went with me out the door. I put on my long black, comfy coat and I was off to the library.

I took out my pass key at the door, swiped it and went in. I took a deep breath enjoy the smell of books and some aromatic candle still lingering after a whole day of burning.

The relaxing music underneath was very nice and helped get cozy. I went with some old novel, The Picture of Dorian Grey. I’ve read it many times now, but it was not the night to engage in some new reading, not with this much alcohol in me and so little concentration.

.

When I got up to go home and bring the book with me it was around 2 am so I called it a day. I left a little note for Martina for the next morning and went off. It was starting to really get cold in New York, so I wore my coat and made my way through an enormous crowd of people for it to be 2 am and somewhere I got a glimpse of Jake.

‘Nah, I must be wrong. I need to sleep’ but when I looked again there he was.

I tried my best to look away fast and concentrate to the task at hand – going home – as much as I could so he would not notice me but right at that time he turned around and made eye contact with me.

Now, he definitely saw me there.

‘Oh Lord. Really?’ I just ignored him and went on to my house to get that sleep I needed after maybe a few more chapters.

.

Needless to say, it was not a few more chapters. I finished the book and when I placed it on the side my alarm read 5.30 in the morning, and it should have went off at 7.

With a big headache I got up at 2 pm and got done what I could before taking a much-needed shower and preparing for work.

Once there I greeted everyone before going to the locker room and sitting on the sofa not before wetting my handkerchief and placing it over my eyes.

‘Damn headache. Never again am I reading that late or drinking that much.’

《Are you dead or what?》 Jake asked.

《For now I just am.》 I answered tiredly, my headache was not going to give me peace for the whole night.

I jolted when he closed his locker went away. I took off the wet thing from my eyes and changed too.

《Why were you out so late last night?》 he asked as I was going through the flowers. I smiled, expecting that question. I turned around, placed my hands on the counter separating us and looked him dead in the eyes.

《Why did you followed me like a creep two nights ago? And many nights before that too?》 he was stunned to say the least, his mouth hanging open like a fish. I took my mop bar and went away.

For the rest of the night we didn’t talk, just said coworker things. ‘We are running low on ice’, ‘Could you bring up a bottle Riesling’ and stuff like that.

At least he didn’t have that stupid grin on tonight, I, on the other hand, smiled like an idiot all night for this little success.

.

《You coming to Home Bar tonight?》 Heather asked as I sat down to take a Negroni. I looked down at my outfit – the

usual long skirt with a sweater this time – and back up at her.

《Don’t think I’m dressed appropriately for Home Bar but sure, why not?》 I said and cheers raised.

《Boring white woman is coming with us tonight.》 Sasha added above the chaos. I laughed, looking at them getting up and I chugged down what was left of my drink.

《It’s incredible how you never once skip asking me to come with you. Am I really that boring for your standards?》 I playfully inquired. Ari placed an arm around my shoulders, thinking about it.

《Maybe – she concluded – I mean you are probably super fun but we have never seen that side of you.》 she added.

《That hurt my feeling - I answered feigning hurt - when have I ever gave you guys the impression I'm not fun.》 I said. Ari and Heather looked at me up and down before answering.

《By the way you dress, for example.》 they said together.

《It's comfortable, you should try it.》 I retorted playfully.

《You never come to Home Bar or any other party, during shifts drink you take always the same thing and then you are off to sleep. Not even my grandma is that boring.》 Ari kept going on, the amused tone telling me she didn't mind one bit.

《Wow - I said - well I prefer I glass of wine at home rather than get waisted every night.》 I retorted again.

When we reached Home Bar everyone scattered everywhere: to dance, to drink, to do drugs and to fuck. I went to the bartender and asked again for a Negroni and a bottle of water. I got that to the table where Jake and Will were sitting and also Heather, but she got up and went away a couple of minutes prior.

I took a seat and started to drink looking at people dancing, drinking, making out, many probably high on drugs or drunk but they looked like they were enjoying themselves, a lot.

《I'm going to the bathroom.》 Will announced.

An awkward silence settled between me and Jake.

《Are you not asking me anymore questions now?》 I said still not looking at him. He kept silent so I turned around and looked at him.

《How did you find me out?》 he asked with confidence.

《Well it was very easy actually and if you are a stalker in your free time let me tell you: you suck, a lot. Change hobby, really.》 I said playfully. A small chuckle left his lips, and my eyes fell there for a second before going back to anywhere in the room.

《Why did you follow me tho? You could have asked instead of being a creep and scared the shit out of me the first time. I was about to call the police.》 I told him, more seriously this time.

《I got curious. Why did you never come with us to Home Bar or parties? Why you never stayed more than needed during shift drinks?》 he said. I looked at him not entirely convinced.

《Are you sure you simply weren't bored and decided to do something stupid?》 I offered. I was not really buying the curiosity thing. Knowing Jake there could have been a thousands more reasons but this one was the less convincing.

He shrugged looking around a bit too before asking again 《Would you have let me come with you if I asked?》 completely ignoring my question.

《No.》

《Why not?》

《What I do after work doesn't necessarily have to be your or anyone else's business. I can keep private some things.》 I snapped at him a bit.

《So you did know that man.》 he inquired. I looked at him shocked. If I didn't punch him tonight I would never again even try.

《Is this what all of this is about?》 I asked skeptically.

He didn't answer and I took a sip of my drink.

《Will you ever bring me with you where ever it is you go?》 he asked again.

《I don't understand why are you so curious. What if I do a simple second job as a waitress? There is nothing interesting about it.》 I said.

《You didn't answer my question.》 I looked at him up and down and remained silent. He says that? After all he deliberately didn't answer to me?

《From whom this comes - I retorted keeping the glass near my lips - and maybe. I don't take strangers around with me like it's nothing.》 I offered sincerely. He simply nodded. Sometime after Will came back from wherever he actually went, and I went to bid goodnight to all those I could find and headed back home hoping for the best.

.

For the next few days, we still talked very little. After that the ice started to crack and we started to talk a bit more, I went once more to Home Bar and we had fun talking and assuming about the people around us.

I had some more nights at Rick’s, and he didn’t follow which I took as a success.

《So, how are you doing?》 I asked him one night before the opening time while I was putting away glasses and bottles.

《I should be the one asking you.》 he answered cleaning some shakers and strainers.

I eyed him suspiciously, not understanding if it was an insult of some sorts.

《Have you slept one hour in… I don’t know, a week? You look like a panda.》 he answered not looking at me.

I was behind some hours of sleep having done some more shifts and staying up late more nights than I should have

reading but I didn’t think it showed that much.

《Oh. I thought I covered it enough.》 I whispered more to myself than him and he didn’t say anything else.

He didn't say anything after that.

During the shift I was a bit like a zombie, but I managed taking a pause when I felt on the verge of sleeping where I was standing. Like now, I was wetting my handkerchief to pass it on my face in hope it would wake me up when a locker was closed behind me and I jumped on the spot. When I turned around, I saw Jake and Simone.

《Are you alright?》 the blonde asked me.

《Yes, yes I'm fine. Running low on sleep.》 I said showing her the wet little thing in my hands. I went to sit down and placed it on my forehead and eyes.

《Could one of you stay here with me? I need just five minutes but wouldn't want to actually fall asleep.》 I asked hoping one of them could stay.

《Yes, of course.》 Simone answered me. I sighed and relaxed on the couch. Right when I did that, I felt sleep clawing my mind and body.

‘Yep, tonight no reading, no nothing. Just sleep.’

At a certain point someone lifted the wet cloth off my eyes, and I whined at the low light disturbing me. A whine left my lips as I tried to place it back down.

《Come on, you said five minutes and they are up.》 a deep voice talked from beside me. I cracked an eye open and scoffed, getting up and going to the sink to wash my face.

 《Are you sure you can keep going for three more hours like this?》 he asked looking at me and getting up too.

《I've been through it all this time, might as well finish it. Three hours are nothing really.》 I said. It would have been three more hours, but they will be done sooner that I can count so no need to get cut now.

《Everyone is tired, that does not entitle me to nothing. Besides I'm the reason for my own sleepiness so, no one to blame but oneself.》I added, sighing and squeezing the wet cloth before placing it in my locker to try and dry it off.

I took a deep breath before turning around and going off with Jake on my heel.

.

As expected, the three hours went on slow but not unbearably so and when I got finally changed, I flew out the restaurant bidding a quick goodnight.

When my apartment lock clicked behind me, I went immediately to the shower, taking a very quick one, and just went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was sound asleep.

The next day I woke up very late probably around 12, didn’t really looked at the clock and wandered around my apartment for my kitchen and some water. Decided to put on some music to wake up a bit and get some chores done before getting a better shower than last night and preparing for work. Tonight, I was excited since after it I had my day off and could not wait for it. I would be staying at home, or I would have gone to the library while the night I was going to Rick’s bar to talk a bit and see if he had some plans for me already for the next few weeks.

So, I spent the few hours I had left putting away some book and decided to make a run to the library to give back some books I had stacked at home for a while and that I finished.

《And this is the last one.》 I said to Martina with an apologetic tone. In total I had to return 20 books and when she saw me with a full bag, she was definitely not ready for this.

《Thank God. I thought they would never finish.》 she said sighing then placed the book in a basket behind her giving me the possibility to admire her beautiful ginger locks cascading on her back. She was a young girl, like me and she was breathtakingly beautiful, her mind sharp as a razor and sly as a fox. She was a great friend I made not too long after coming to New York.

《Sorry, been coming in mostly during the night.》 I explained to her folding my bag and placing it into another one.

《No wonder you look like shit.》 Ah, always so honest.

《Not the first time I hear it this week.》 I answered ready to go off to the restaurant.

《Must be true then. But seriously, take care.》 she said at the end.

《Will try. You too.》 I said and went off.

.

Right outside the restaurant Sasha and Ari were smoking something and offered me too, to which I declined. Ari scoffed and rolled her eyes while Sasha kept smoking, minding his businesses.

I then entered and went to change. As always, I gave a look at the flowers and rearranged them a bit if needed.

As always, it was a pretty good night, not many assholes, a lot of tips. Me and Jake talked a bit, joked and had our fun.  Until a client decided to be very rude with me and Heather, in front of Howard. I kept my mouth shut as tightly as I could knowing he would have taken care of everything when he sent me and Heather back to kitchen.

《I have no words! Did you hear what he said to us? In front of Howard no less – exclaimed her. I looked at her and just went on with my work. – Are not gonna say anything?》

《I’m trying to say nothing cause if I start I’m going out of here and kicking that idiot out myself.》 I answered. To be that stupid and not be able to see it by yourself it’s embarrassing. I took a deep breath and just went on with the night, we hadn’t much more, and I wanted to finish.

Now everything was going bad: the way I got down the steps, the song that was on, the way someone called me over for something. I felt on edge and a bath was going to remedy that a bit, I hoped.

As soon as the shift ended, I got changed at light speed, bid goodnight to who was there and went home. I almost didn’t even take off my shoes before going to the bathroom and start the water.

The steam raising and filling the bathroom was calming by itself. When I got in, I melted and for a second, I thought I would fallen asleep in there. In my mind popped up again the idiot of tonight and it was so disrespectful, I’m happy Howard was there and dealt with everything because that was simply unacceptable.

I shrugged it off and didn’t let it ruin my hot bath.

Then it was time for bed, so I got out of the tub, applied my skincare and went to bed without much else, just wanted to sleep it off.

- Three Months Later -

I liked so much winter in New York. It was cold and allowed me to wear longer skirts and my heavy black coat and I felt amazing wearing those.

In the past few weeks, me and Jake talked a lot, we hanged out. Not much, really, just a coffee here and there, going for breakfast or the shitty diners he loved so much.

After that I thought a lot, pondering on if I should have brought him with me to Rick’s.

It was clear that his invitations were made to not be a stranger anymore and even if I just scratched the surface. Then I decided I would have brought him along.

Hence why I wrote the bar name and the address to the bar in the morning, looking at that piece of paper and giving it my very last thoughts. I still had time since he knew nothing. He really tried and I saw that even if he came along it would not have been so bad. When it was time to go out, I took that little note I put extra care in writing for some silly motive and went to the restaurant.

I got changed quickly and placed the note in the pocket of my pants. I would have given that to him at some point of the shift or before going home.

‘Maybe.’

《Don’t make me regret this. 》I whispered to him as I handed the small piece of paper. He looked intrigued and just slipped it in his pocket, a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and went on with work, feeling vaguely nervous. It was the first time ever someone heard me sing, well, someone I knew. At home my family knew of this, and I always liked to sing for them but here in New York I had no one close to me to that point and so no one knew. Only Howard because sometimes I needed to go out early and he had to know, so it was for strictly professional reasons.

When I got changed into the outfit for the night to save time when I could my hands were a bit sweaty.

‘Oh, come on. I sing in front of so many people every night and I’m getting nervous about a pretty boy. This is ridiculous.’

《Good night everyone!》 I said taking my shot of rum fast since I already had my coat on and closed. 

《Night!》 everyone shouted as I got out. I went out fast no seeing Jake.

‘I mean maybe he would not have come.’

I stopped for a second thinking about the fact that he could already have something else to do or simply did not accept my invitation. So, I was getting nervous for nothing. It left a slightly bitter taste on my tongue after all the hanging out for him to not come.

I shrugged it off. It was silly, was it not me this morning who still had doubts about asking him? It’s only fair if he doesn’t come.

I started to walk since I had not time to lose. After a few blocks I noticed someone following me and a silly smile made its way on my face. I stopped to let him catch up to me.

《I already informed you how you are absolutely shit in stalking right?》 I asked in a playful tone.

《Well this time I have an invitation.》 he said smirking, waiving into my face the same note I gave him a couple of hours ago.

《And didn’t I say to not make me regret it?》 I said glaring at him. I took advantage to check how he was dressed: he had a nice white shirt on, no tie, with the first couple of button undone. Black pants and a nice pair of shoes.

《You did not came in tonight dressed like this. Where did you get these clothes?》 I asked while looking at the red light waiting for it to turn green and also at the display of my phone to be sure I was on time.

《Kept them in the locker hoping you would invite me.》 he answered honestly and at that moment the light turned green not giving me the possibility to look at him as all the people started to move, pushing me into doing the same.

Soon enough, we were at the bar. He went in from the front and I got in from the back. As soon as the door of our changing room closed the warm voice of Ambra accompanied me, asking me how work was.

《Good. We have a special guest tonight.》 I said while applying mascara.

She stopped everything she was doing and turned to look at me since special guest might have meat anything really.

When I didn’t turn around to look at her and simply went on its like something clicked.

《Is it the boy?》 she asked, gasping excitedly.

《It is him.》 I answered happy to see her this exited. She squealed like a puppy toy and went into hugging me and jumping around.

《You know I just invited him here to hear me sing right? Nothing else.》 I told her applying the blush and going to grab my lipstick. She looked at me up and down, stopping her celebration all together.

《Famous last words.》 she coughed before going to sit back down. I rolled my eyes and gave her that finishing upvmy make up and ccurling my hair before putting them up. When I went to get up and went to the door, she stopped me.

《Oh no, no, no. You are not wearing that. – she said looking at my dress. It was old and worn out, the rich brown color a bit faded and I used it since I started to work here. It was a piece of my mum I always kept with me, but I also understood it looked like its age – I have the perfect dress for you.》 she said going through her own wardrobe to take out a deep purple dress. It had a layer of black at the end of the skirt were the rich purple silk-like fabric turned chiffon. And it added a lot of dimension. It was a bit longer than my usual dress, this one practically at the floor. The back was cut very low, no straps and a bold neckline too. I undid my hair leaving them down and moving the line to one side, letting them brush behind my back and all over one of my shoulder, the other one free.

《It’s a while I wanted to give you this dress. After a couple of kids my body has definitely changed, and I gained some weight too – she added with a giggle. She was still slaying, and she knew – so I’m giving it to you. I wouldn’t fit into it anymore even if I tired.》 she reassured me even before I spoke.

《Are you sure? It’s so beautiful. I mean you could get it fitted.》 I kept looking at the mirror absolutely mesmerized by the sight of myself: I looked absolutely beautiful.

《It would cost me more than buying another dress. Beside that was never really my color anyway.》 she said finishing herself up too. She was wearing a black dress with some blue accents, her short black hair curled, framing her sweet face.

And then we were off to the stage to sing.

The sweet, beautiful notes of Wake Up Alone started to play introduced by Ambra. Then I took on. We kept on switching during the song, the ladies doing the back voices doing a great job as always.

We sang for the whole night while I tried to spot Jake in the bar and not finding him. Disappointment made its way in me and took a hold of my heart, but I tried to not think about it. I was beautiful, the night was beautiful and I was singing. Nothing else counted right now.

When we were done with the live singing, I felt light so me and Ambra went laughing at the bar and asked Rick for something to drink. Ambra was telling me something, but I was only half listening, looking for Jake around the place.

《Good evening.》 Jakes voice called from behind us. We both turned around, and I looked at him, honestly a bit surprised he was still here since I could not make him out in the small, crowded place.

《Hey. – I could feel Ambra shift beside me wanting to say something but refraining – so, what do you think? As interesting as you thought it would be?》 I asked while leaning back a bit on the counter behind me, taking a sip of my drink. He took a small step forward, checking me out.

《I understand why you never said this to anybody, for sure – he answered – and if I have to be honest it’s more interesting than I expected.》 he concluded.

《I’m happy you liked it. It goes without saying that I would prefer if this stayed between me and you, yes?》 I told him finishing my drink. He simply nodded looking around, absorbing the place.

《In how much does your shift ends?》 he raised him voice a bit, the music starting now a bit loud to talk normally.

《Not much more actually but before – I said getting up and turning to Ambra, offering her a dance – I promised this beautiful lady a dance. If it gets too late or you get bored feel free to go home whenever you want.》 I told him. Then a silly smile was on my face as Ambra followed me hand in hand in the crowd to dance a bit.

《Is that him?》 she exclaimed. I nodded and spun her around.

《Girl. That is a fine young man over there.》 she said and I agreed with her. Jake was handsome for sure, and he did show interest in this 《I hope he will not get distant now that he knows.》 I sighed. She gave me a smile and a few pats on my back. Then we had to hop back on stage for a bit more live singing.

《Thank you as always ladies. Great night tonight too.》 Rick complimented as me and Ambra went to say goodbye.

《Thank you too Rick. It’s a pleasure to sing in such a place.》 Ambra said and I agreed. After that we bid our goodnights and went out.

Jake was waiting for me outside and when Ambra spotted him she elbowed me not so delicately to which I glared at her and she looked at me apologetically, giving me a big hug and winking at me. I sighed at that and said bye to her too.

《You have a great voice by the way.》 he said at a certain point while we were walking.

《Thank you. Been singing since I was a child, so I brought that with me. Something familiar to rely on – I confessed to him – and where exactly are we going?》 I asked noticing we were going back to the restaurant.

《Home?》 he obviously stated.

《No shit Sherlock, I’m going to mine and you to yours.》 I stated. Once we were in front of it, we stopped.

《Goodnight then.》 he said. I nodded and bid him goodnight one last time. I turned around and took a few steps before turning back again to look at him skeptically to which he looked at me confused.

《Are you going to follow me?》 I asked. He simply smirked saying 《I’ll keep you on your toes.》 turning around and walking away.

A confused smile made its way on my face and after a second, I walked away back home.

.

Since that night me and Jake became even more close. We started hanging out even more, going to places that meant more for both of us, talking a bit of ourselves, not much, especially him but he tried. He just needed someone to talk to, he needed to be listened, and I just did that.

One night he took me to a bar he loved, pretty secluded and that didn’t have a lot of people, but the atmosphere was nice and calming. The place was beautiful too: an old bar that had a very French style in dark colors and a lot of wood, its smell still lingering in the air along with other sweet scents and faint alcohol. The drinks were amazing, and we had a great time talking about our interests, what we liked and what we didn’t like. The books we read, the artists we admire and our favorite drinks while we were there. Then he accompanied me back home where we parted.

In return, and since we both liked to read a lot from what I gathered, I showed him the library. We went there after a rough night and took a book each, sitting down while I made some tea for the both of us and started reading, appreciating each other’s company. When it started to get very late, we took the books and went out talking about what we read these past hours.

Soon I realized that I didn’t mind passing my time with him and a bit later I accepted I was starting to have feelings for him. Once we used our day off to get a backpack to go to Cold Spring, a beautiful town I wanted to visit for a while, and it was not even that far from New York.

That morning, we took a train at 5, so early that it had very few people in it, granting silence to which both me and Jake fell asleep listening to music. The train ride was about an hour, so we didn’t get that much rest but was better than nothing.

We were both dressed comfortably, him with trousers and a sweater and I opted for a more appropriate outfit for walking lot too with a pair of pants and a jumper. I also choose a different coat than the one I wore in the city, opting for a knee-length dark grey one that kept me very warm. When we got off the first thing we did was to find a bar in which we could have breakfast.

The day was about going around as much as possible, so we visited the many churches and appreciated the beauty of them taking many photos, me with my sad phone camera while Jake had his camera with him and took most certainly much better photos than me.

《Will you send me the photos you took later?》 I asked while he was taking another. He nodded and we went on.

It was almost lunch time, so we looked for a parc that was not too crowded and then started to eat in silence. I loved the smell of nature and the bird singing.

While we were still in the town, we also went to a bookstore and grabbed a souvenir: I bought a couple of books, a notebook and a bookmark and he got only the books.

Then it was time to go to the lake. We took a long stroll in the small forest surrounding it and my mind went to much warmer weather where I could come here again and take a bath, or even rent an apartment for a couple of days to disconnect from the city. If he wanted, he could come too, a bit of company would not be that bad. The stroll took longer than anticipated and when we went back in town to look for a nice place to have dinner it was already dark even if it was only around 6 pm.

The temperature dropped drastically, and we opted for a place where we could stay as long as possible to get warm. Between a chat and a warm meal, it was already 9 so we decided to go for the last walk and look at some of the decorative light still hanging from Christmas celebrations.

The streets were more crowded than during the day, so Jake offered me his arm which I took happily, and we walked some more.

Soon it became colder and darker, so we choose to call it a day and go take the train. It was around 10:30 when we took our and we should have been back by midnight.

《Did you had fun today?》 I asked tiredly, yawning right after and getting comfortable in my seat.

《Yes it was very nice, and I took good pictures too.》 he answered going through said photos a bit.

《Mhm, I’m glad.》 I whispered before I dozed off but couldn’t fall asleep. I kept going from asleep to waking up a bit and look around to understand where we were from out of the window.

《Hey, we have to get off.》 a voice called, pulling my arm a bit to get me to wake up. I whined and got a bit more comfortable.

‘Not now that I finally fell asleep…’ another thug made me open my eyes to glare at the source to find Jake. A bit dizzy and confused I got up letting him lead the way, dragging me out with my hand in his.

When we got out of the train cold air surrounded me unexpectedly. I went right away to close my coat better.

Jake dragged me out the station and into the city. Sleep and dizziness didn’t let go of me and noticing it, he slowly walked me home even if I didn’t realize it until I was at my front door and he asked 《Where are your keys?》 to which I looked at him and opened my backpack, muscle memory of where I always put my keys when I had it kicking in.

Jake made me the favor of opening the door of my apartment for me and lightly pushing me in. I took off my coat slowly and then went for my shoes. When I finally got them off, I went for my bed and just let myself fall on it.

I adjusted my body to a more comfortable position and right when I was falling asleep, I heard the door of my apartment close softly.

.

The next morning, I woke up late. Yesterday was a long day even if I had a lot of fun and it’s been a while since I last made such a trip. When I went to the kitchen a small note was waiting for me on the table. I started to prepare a coffee and then took the small piece of paper.

I left your keys at the entrance.

-Jake

I folded it back and placed it in a stack of notes in my desk. After my coffee I took all the things I brought with me yesterday from the backpack and placed them back where they should be, loading the dishwasher and starting the washing machine.

With some music in the background, I started to read a book, the one I got that night with Jake at the library. The ones I bought yesterday must wait until I finish this one.

And so, between music and books, it was time to go back to work.

《I heard you went out of city yesterday?》 Simone told me while I changed.

《Mm? Oh yeah, wanted to go out of New York for a while now and yesterday was the perfect day to do so.》 I answered nonchalantly, wearing my pants.

A long pause stretched between us. I had nothing else to say really so I just kept quiet but apparently, she wanted to press on.

《And did you went alone?》

《Simone – I called her out with a flat tone – if you already know I did not went alone don’t ask and if it bothers you just tell me.》 I said, buttoning up my stripes.

《It doesn’t bother me, was just asking.》 she replied.

 I didn’t understand what the point was if the first thing Jake did was run to her and tell her everything. I liked Simone as long as she didn’t put her nose in my business which happened more often now that me and Jake were hanging out.

And I didn’t like that. But she seemed off, been like this for a while now.

I closed my locker and went out, right in that moment Jake was coming up and I gave him a small smile.

《Thank you for the keys. And the note.》

《No problem.》

And I was off.

The night went on well as expected. It was like I never got a day off and of course I was updated on all the latest gossip by Ari and Sasha.

As always, we laughed a lot, and I felt like the restaurant was more wholesome. So tonight, I smiled more, I was more polite and even warmer with the guests. It felt a bit like home. And under certain lights it was.

.

《I don’t know why I prefer rum, okay? I just do.》 I said to Jake as I sat on the counter with the drink he just did in hand.

《There has to be some sort of reason. It’s like a drink: you have reasons of why you prefer a certain drink rather than another.》 he said as he poured his own drink.

《Ah! That is not true, in a drink you mix different flavors, so the alcohol is blended in them.》 I corrected him taking a sip of my very well done Negroni. He shrugged and started to drink his own, leaning on the counter next to me.

A long, comfortable silence stretched on as I listened to the music in the background and just swung my feet to the bits of an ending song. When the first notes of Koop Island Blues started, I drank a bit more before getting up and dragging Jake with me.

《Don’t care if you don’t dance. You do now.》 I said taking his hand and placing it on my waist while I placed mine on his shoulder. He smirked before pulling me closer and I felt my cheeks grow warm, butterflies raising in my stomach. And then we started dancing slowly to the song. I looked at him in the eyes for the whole time and I got lost in them. Maybe it was the drink, maybe the nice night at work, maybe something else but for a bit everything disappeared, it was just me and him, dancing and drinking. And it felt good, dreamy. In my life I’ve never felt this close with someone else.

I had nights that felt like a dream, friends by my side as we danced all night, but I never had experienced something so different and almost intimate by just looking at each other, fully clothed, dancing. And we were just dancing, that’s what made it so beautiful. He spun me a couple of times, and when I was back, he pulled me closer, just a bit, his hand going more to the center of my back, and butterflies would rise all over again. And I knew that it could be not right but at the same time it was okay. I cared for him deeply and I trusted him, hopefully he trusted me too. Sometime during the dance, I brought both my hands on his shoulders, and his hand found my waist. He caressed that part before hugging me, never stopping the dance. I hugged him too, sighing in content.

Then he pulled away, kissing my cheek and looking deeply into my eyes, getting slightly closer, his eyes slipping to my lips a few times.

When our mouths touched, we both melted in the contact. After a bit his hands took a hold of my hips before he lifted me to wrap my legs around his waist and walked towards the counter, placing me there so I could sit, never pulling away once. His hands went everywhere, my back, my legs covered by the long, light skirt, my arms and hands which he also kissed before going back to my mouth and deepening the kiss, pulling me impossibly close.

As he pulled away so we could both catch our breath I caressed the nape of his neck, keeping my eyes closed and just relishing in the moment.

A moan got caught in my throat when he kissed me again, slowly this time.

I felt myself becoming wet and hot when I felt his erection press up against me, a whine getting caught in his own throat. He lifted me up again, his mouth moving to my neck too 《Bedroom.》 he whispered in my ear before biting the skin on my neck.

《F-first on the left.》 I answered impatiently. He found it without any problem and before I knew I was laying in my bed while he looked down at me taking his shirt off and unbuckling his belt.

In a moment he was by my side, his pants still on, as he had me on his lap, taking my dress off, slowly sliding off the short sleeves. I was wearing nothing underneath because I was more comfortable like that around the house and I felt self-conscious, my hands going to cover up my chest and my legs closing for how much they could. Jake smiled at me and took my arms kissing them before bringing both over his shoulders and kissing my neck again, going lower this time. When he was at my breast he kissed them, took them in his hands, played with them until I was completely out of breath, running my fingers through his hair.

Before I could realize I was lying again in my bed, his lips on mine before going down again, kissing my neck, my shoulders, my breasts again, my stomach and then jumping to my thighs, starting from the knee before going up, biting softly the skin and sending shivers down my spine. I was panting when he kissed under my stomach again.

A gasp left me when he kissed my clit, licking a long, slow stripe from my entrance and up. His hands went to my hips in the attempt of hold me still.  

He unhurriedly increased the pace and when I looked down, he was already looking at me. I moaned before my hand went to his hair trying to steady myself from the pleasure. A low moan came from the back of his throat and my grip tightened.

《J-Jake… Jake, I- you-》 I stuttered but my point got across for he pulled me closer and dove deeper, making me arch my back and moan his name. Soon I came and he kept going through my high, licking me more sensually and sometimes kissing my thighs.

He returned his lips on mine and my neck before he undressed himself of his remaining clothes and kissed me again, lining himself up to my entrance.

《You sure?》 he asked out of breath, grinding himself on me and biting his lip to hold back a moan that came out as a broken gasp.

《Yeah.》 I answered pulling him close to me and kissing him again.

Then his cock sank into me, and I whined into his mouth, my hands pulling his hair. His hips stuttered and he went in too fast making me hold onto him tighter, gasping.

《Sorry.》 he whispered brokenly on my neck going in the last couple of inches left and staying still, waiting for me to adjust. He was definitely big, but the stretch was so good.

His hands caressed my sides while I played with his hair. He was breathing heavily and after a bit of waiting he started to grind into me to which I bit my lip but didn’t stop him. He tentatively pulled out a little only to sink back in, moaning in my ear.

《You feel amazing…》 he praised, his gruff voice making me shiver even before he started to actually move. Not fast, he deliberately pulled out almost all the way to just push in deeper every time.

His mouth kept alternating between biting and kissing lips and sucking on my neck and chest, his hands still on my sides.

He gave me one last kiss before adjusting our bodies so that he could stand up to end of the bed and bringing my legs on his shoulder pushing in hard.

My back arched and my hands gripped the sheets, a long moan leaving my lips. And then he did it again, and again

《Yes! R-right there Jake…》 and his pace went a bit faster, hitting a wonderful spot inside of me that made me see stars. One of his hands went to my collarbone, sliding down to my belly and pressing down.

His pace became more rough, more impatient, his thrusts more erratic and then he bended over me, leaving my legs on his sides to kiss me again.

《Fuck, fuck- you feel so good, so fucking good. C-can I come inside? Please, please, please- fuck. You’re squeezing me so tight… so good, you’re so good- fuck…》 he cursed into my neck. It took a bit for his words to register in my brain.

《C-can I?》 he asked again. And I nodded in a frenzy, feeling myself getting close again.

His fingers then went to rub on my clit while he watched my face contort in pleasure and my body shivering.

《Yes! Yes, please, come inside - you feel so good, so good…》 I moaned, in my mind only him and his body.

After a few more thrusts we both came undone. His arms sneaked around my back to hug me, and I did the same with my arms around his shoulders. His hips grinded a bit more in me before he pulled out. I closed my eyes, completely spent and tired but satisfied. After bit a towel met my thighs and pussy. When Jake cleaned himself too, he climbed on the bed by my side, got under the covers and hugged me, his head on my chest.

《Thank you…》 he whispered.

《Thank you too.》 I answered, kissing his head.

And fell asleep like that.

.

The next day the first thing I felt was Jake’s body pressed against my back, on hand on my hip and the other on my chest.

I took a deep breath before I relaxed in his hold, pressing myself better against him and relishing in the closeness some more.

When I turned in his embrace, I felt soreness in my whole body and a pleasurable ache between my legs. My arms hugged his naked torso, and I hid my head under his chin, giving his neck a few kisses.

It was a nice feeling, to not wake up alone like every day, wondering and thinking.

After I don’t know how much time I got up, leaving Jake in bed a bit more, and got a simple dress out of my wardrobe. It was a pale blue color, long until half my calves, and had thin straps to keep it on my shoulders. And then I was off to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

I decided to put on some music, keeping the volume low to not disturb Jake if he was still sleeping and got started. When I was placing down everything, I felt a pair of hands on my hips and smiled, finishing up the table.

《Morning.》 he whispered in my ear, kissing my neck and shoulders right after. His hands tracing up my sides until under my breasts.

《Good morning.》 I breathed out, leaning my head on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a bit before we sat down to eat, a comfortable silence fell on us like a blanket and the music still on made for a nice murmur.

《You know… – Jake started as I was sipping on my coffee – I’m starting to cut things off with Simone.》 he confessed. I looked at him confused, what does that mean? Cutting things off with her? How? Why?

《We had been spending a lot of time together and I think it’s best like this… – he went on since I kept silent – also talking to you I started to understand a few things and I think Simone is not a good presence?》 he concluded a little bit more insecure this time. I kept looking at his waiting for him to continue but he didn’t.

《It’s not my place to say what you should do with the relationship you had and still have with her. Whatever it is, I’ll be there with you, okay? If you think she is not a good presence in your life anymore I’ll try to be by your side, as a friend or whatever. I’ll not substitute her.》 Never. I said choosing my words carefully. I offered him a hand that he took and squeezed to which I squeezed back reassuringly. I started to get up

《Come on now, we have to get ready.》

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A/n: Thanks to whoever made it to the end, I hope I didn't bore you too much and I would also like to disclaim that under this message there are going to be drawings I personally made for the story. Those are three outfits I very clearly imagined on her: the one when she goes to home bar, the one when she sings and Jake is there too, and the one she wears at the end when she is at home with Jake. If you don't like them please don't freely insult me or my art style.

P.s the aspect of the girls in the drawings are how I imagined the protagonist to look like. This is a Reader x Jake story, I omitted anything that had to do with Readers appearance for this reason, only what she wears is described.

Thanks, bye.

[tsintotwo]

[59 Hours, Part 6. (Part 5 here). Jake (Sweetbitter) x Reader. Guys, this is done. Finished. This last part is a bit long, and expect a bunch of angst for obvious reasons. I legit only had one idea for one scene when I started this, and it turned into a literal novella- a journey I enjoyed. Thank you so much if you’ve been with it thus far, reading and engaging, and let me know if this wrapped up okay for you.]

Hour 39

‘For fuck’s sake.’, mutters Jake, as the apartment plunges into darkness for the fourth time within the hour.

It started happening just when you were finally getting ready to settle down for the night. After being together, both of you had collapsed in place on the floor. The shadow panic from your past was trying to pull you under again, so you held onto Jake. It was more desperate clutching than holding, and you were aware of that, but you couldn’t stop yourself, because what if he pushes me away now, he didn’t even want me, just games, he’s angry with me anyway, he hates me, he’ll shake me off and walk away disgusted right now, please no- but Jake didn’t do any of that. He just hugged you close, catching his breath, slowly relaxing into your arms.

There wasn’t much talking. You cleaned yourselves up a while later. In addition to all the other things, it was already past any sort of reasonable bedtime (for you anyway, you’re sure Jake is the late-nights-late-mornings kinda dude), so you should’ve been exhausted. And you were, but you still felt wound up and restless. 

Truth is, as soon as Jake and you'd broken apart, you felt his absence all over you, with your whole being. You didn't want to let go of him. And when you physically did, when you weren’t holding him, touching him, you wanted to feel that you still could- that anytime you reached out, he’d reach back, and it would be as easy as breathing. It’s what you wanted because it’s what you felt- the amount of closeness you felt with him was powerful without rhyme or reason, wreaking havoc within you like the blizzard did in the city yesterday.

But Jake- how did he feel? The fight and then the intimacy – it was tangled, and complicated, and now you didn’t know where you stood with him. And you were scared, so scared, because you were thinking- what if he doesn’t feel the same way?, and then, but what if he does? What then?

You tried to compose yourself as Jake walked back into the bedroom. It didn’t matter that as soon as you saw him again you wanted to go right back into his arms. He deserved space, and maybe you needed distance too. Needed to clear your head, think. Though how any sort of thinking was going to help you anymore, you didn’t know. You were just opening your mouth to tell him you were fine with the couch tonight- will he shrug and go to sleep on his own, will he throw me a look, then pull me into the bed with him- and that’s when the lights went out.

The power lines are glitching. You lit the two candles you got from the Chinese takeout people and were getting ready for a trial like last night- putting on clothes, socks- Jake also doing the same- when the lights came back. Then they went out again ten minutes later. It’s been happening in irregular intervals since. Something must have gone pop in a shower of sparks somewhere, and they’re trying to fix it now.

You guess you could still go to sleep. Turn off the lights, keep all the clothes on, curl into your couch, and when you started feeling so hot it woke you up, you’d know the heating was on and power came back for real (or if you started feeling so cold your feet felt like they were going to fall off, maybe you’d ask Jake to please share his bed and blanket). But Jake sits in his bed, leaning back, one knee up, one stretched, absently pulling on the strings of his hoodie, looking like he has no intention of sleeping tonight. So you sit quietly on the couch too, not knowing what to do.

But just taking some time to relax, just being in your own space and watching Jake be in his has calmed you somewhat. The chaos of your feelings is settling into a deep blue harmony, and the one outstanding note says end, finish, over- this is your last night here, one of your last few hours with Jake. You’ll be gone tomorrow, never see him again. And soon as that happens, you’ll probably dissipate from his mind and memory like the smoke of his cigarettes, because why would he bother to remember you? All you did was try to meddle in business that’s not yours. You’ve known him for two days- what gave you the right to charge him about how he handles his relationships and feelings?

So while you’re still here, maybe you should make sure to set things right. So that if he ever thinks of you, he won’t feel like shoving the thought away the next second- you hope.

‘I said things maybe I shouldn’t have.’, you say, gathering the courage finally. ‘I’m sorry, Jake.’,

‘Are you?’, he is looking out the window, even though it’s just a blotted square and the only thing to see through it is dark gray nothing.

You take a deep breath, ‘I am if I hurt you, made you feel bad with the way I said them. I-I wanted to-‘, you stop. It’s hard for you to make this apology because while you are sorry if you hurt him, you don’t actually think you were wrong about any of the things you said, and you do still think hearing them- maybe in a better way than you told it- was necessary for him.

‘I wanted you to know that talking to people about deep things isn’t so bad, and you gotta do it sometimes. I guess I did that the worst possible way, and I’m sorry.‘

‘Hm’, Jake sits up straighter, leans towards you slightly from his position on the bed, ‘so tell me, exactly how sorry were you when you couldn’t stop moaning and scr-‘

‘Jake!’, you stop him, blushing in the dark, and see him smile in the flickering orange glow of the candles on his bedside table. He’s making jokes, and you’re relieved beyond anything else- he doesn’t hate you. ‘No, I’m not sorry about that part.’, you confess.

He nods slightly, ‘Good.’ Then he sighs, ‘And I do have people that I talk to. So, whatever, you don’t need to worry.’ He doesn’t mean it in a snarky way, he’s just letting you know.

‘You mean Simone.’, you say before you can stop yourself.

‘Yes.’, he’s watching you, wary, and oh, God, oh, God, here you go again.

‘Have you told her about me yet?’, you ask.

He looks away, not answering.

‘Are you going to?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why? She’s your best friend, best confidante- you just said that.’

‘She doesn’t need to know everything-‘

‘Jake-’ you realize your pulse rate is rising, and try to calm yourself down. If you’re doing this, you aren’t botching it like last time. ‘I get that this- me being here- might not be such a big event for you that you’d want to promote it everywhere. But if you’re talking about what you did for the two days stuck at home, and you don’t even mention me, that’s weird-’

‘Oh, yeah, maybe I’ll mention you. Tell everyone I fucked a random girl in my apartment. They haven’t heard that enough times, I’m sure they’ll be riveted-‘

He’s doing it again, retreating and hitting back, trying to hurt whoever tries to peer too close- but you know what, you’re not backing down this time, you’re not losing your calm, because if he can say his things, you can say yours too, can’t you?

‘Yeah, that’s what you’ll say. But you won’t say how you liked it when I cooked for you or how nice that conversation was, you won’t say that you had me in your bed but not for sex- you found peace with me holding you, you won’t say how you felt when I touched and kissed every inch of you and it wasn’t just because I wanted your body, or how you felt when you did the same to me. You won’t say how easy it is to talk to me or even to be with me in silence when you’re not pulling away. You won’t say any of that, to anyone, and not to Simone.’

You can hear Jake’s breathing from here, can make out his chest rising and falling with the effort of it. Then a sudden harsh glare blinds both of you for a moment- power is back again.

As you both blink, adjusting to the light, you take deep breaths. Where did your resolve go- that you wouldn’t do this? Jake has lived his life without you this far and he will for the rest of it, where do you, a two-day stranger- figure into this? Just because he makes you feel things you haven’t in a long while, or ever, you can’t hope it’s the same for him. Nothing that happened in this apartment was meant to last, was it? How you feel- just push it down, bury it under, and go on to your real life, because this is what you do- the sensible thing.

But is it sensible to ignore what’s right in front of you, what you can clearly see- that however he feels about you, it’s not nothing, that you have an effect on him just as he has one on you? Is it sensible to try spending the rest of your life forgetting a person and regretting how you could have tried- if not to have them, then to have them be in a place they deserve to be?

And you’re not you in this apartment, you’re someone else. You’re reckless. You don’t calculate, don’t make the best plans. You rush in headfirst, you fall dizzyingly, you defy, you hope. So what if you didn’t give up just yet, even if you don’t know what it is that you’re trying to save? What if you wanted more, even if it meant you have to fight tooth-and-claws for it? Maybe there's nothing to gain, but you've got nothing to lose.

You go and sit on the foot of Jake’s bed. Talking to people is your job, and while survey questionnaires might be the same for everyone you talk to, the exact way of asking the questions is up to you. Everyone responds to a different style, and with Jake, you have to take every bit of care you can.

‘Jake’, you are calm and steady, imploring softly, ‘I’m just trying to understand, please. Just a few simple questions that I have- would you answer? It’s okay if you don’t, but please try. When you said you had the idea for a business, did you tell Simone right away?’

The pause is long enough that you think he won’t answer. But then he says, ‘No. I told her when I wanted to sell the house. She needed to know…’

‘Okay. And you were telling me about how you don’t like to visit home, but she insists that you go?’

‘It’s not fair for her to go alone either. It’s our house, if she’s going-‘

‘What would she do if she found you like I found you last night? Bad trip?’, you hold your breath, this is a touchy one. But Jake answers like he doesn’t have to think, ‘Take care of me, then call me a fucking idiot for swallowing that stuff alone at home’. He wasn’t alone, but you guess he means not in a group or having a party.

‘So she’d judge you for it?’, you ask.

Jake frowns, ‘It’s not judging, we can say that stuff to each other. Whatever.’

‘And if the whole thing was reversed? You found her in her apartment, alone, having a bad trip? Would you call her a fucking idiot?’

‘Wh- no! She’s not an idiot, if she did something like that, that’d mean something was seriously messed up-‘

‘So she is not an idiot, but you are, for the same thing? Jake, is that what you believe?’

Jake’s face crumples in confusion and annoyance. ‘Stop talking.’, he says, holding up a hand, ‘Turning around my words- you don’t even know Simone-‘

‘No, I don’t!’, you interrupt, ‘And that’s why I’m asking. And, completely based on what you’ve told me here’s what I now know- she chose most of your workplaces. She chooses when you visit the cape. She judges your decisions. And when you told her you’d start a new thing for yourself, she wasn’t happy, excited, or encouraging, she was just sad. And that made you give it up. Jake, there’s a… power imbalance here. Her terms always matter more than yours.’

‘Will you shut the fuck up?’, Jake slides off the bed so quickly, you almost miss it. ‘Jesus!’, he’s shouting at you now, only his voice gets deeper instead of higher, so the sound is like an animal growling. ‘What is wrong with you? Simone looks out for me, and you’d twist that like-‘

‘I’m sorry!’, your voice is rising to keep up with his volume, but you still try to keep it steady, ‘I get it! If someone I’ve known for two days started talking trash about someone I’ve known and loved my whole life, I wouldn’t trust them either. I swear I’m not trying to come between you two. I- you told me you both only had each other growing up, and of course you care about each other. It’s just, you two are different, so over the years you learned how to stay no matter what, and she learned how to not let go no matter what-‘

‘She was the only one there!’, Jake’s eyes are burning. He looks at you, but you feel like he’s seeing something that’s not even here. ‘That whole day, looking for mom, not even- no one even looking at first, because who knew where the fuck she decided to hole up today- and then looking, everyone, me waiting for her, crying myself to sleep, and then they pull her up from the sea that day’- Some kind of floodgate has opened, and he talks like he’s mad, ‘the house full of police and reporters from some shit local paper and people I haven’t seen once in my life, bringing stupid seafood platters, going ‘Aw, poor kid’, pinching my cheek, then leaving like they’d fucking done something.’ Jake’s eyes are glistening with tears, and you feel your eyes sting too. The pain is so raw in the air now, still. ‘My dad didn’t even know where I was half the time- Simone found me, she gave me cookies, took me in her house, played with me.’

The energy that’s always so coiled within Jake is pouring out now, uncontrolled, and he pants, hands flailing, feet shifting, ‘And, and the kids at school- where’s your mommy, Jake? Where’s mommy?- Teachers looking at me like I was some fucking alien they didn’t know how to talk to-‘

He’s moving away as he talks, and you stand up, taking steps toward him. ‘-My dad drinking all day every day, disappearing to who knows where then coming back just to fucking beat me up, I was fucking glad when he didn’t come back-‘

‘Jake-‘, you whisper, your heart breaking for him.

‘And I was all alone, no one wanted me, who would? Only Simone, she’s the only one who gives a shit-‘, he’s walking backwards, ‘So don’t fucking tell me I don’t need her. You don’t know -‘

‘Jake!’, you’re trying to stand in front of him, but he keeps moving away, ‘Listen to me-‘

‘No! Just how much more of this bullshit do you have left? ‘Cause-‘

‘Just listen-‘

‘WHY?’, he roars, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ And you don’t know what comes over you, but in two steps you’re almost onto him, and using all your strength, you push him back to the wall that you both were nearing, your hands on his chest. He’s shaking, and you are too. Your entire inside feels like it’s burning up in hot, agonizing flames and with a sinking feeling you think this- this is what we become-I don’t make him better, we both make each other worse- but no. No. You won’t give into that dynamic, that thought, you won’t scream, won’t lose it, won’t be toxic. You will tell him what you want to, that much you’ll do. And then you’ll let go- of him, of it, of everything.

Jake’s eyes blaze. He's just shocked enough that he hasn't shaken you off, shoved you away yet, but he will, and you have to start before that.

‘Jake.’, you gulp in as much air as you can, ‘I’m nobody. No one. I’m just a random girl. But I have a story for you. I’ll tell that story now. You don’t have to do anything but listen.’ You take one second to gather your thoughts. ‘On my fourteenth birthday, my mom sat me down and told me how proud she was of me. Dad had left, and things were tough, but I had been so good. Such a big girl already, always doing my homework, helping with my siblings, never a complaint, always by her side when she needed me. And then she told me she’d need more help.’

Jake is listening, good, ‘She was picking up another job, and I would need to babysit more, and do more chores, and I would, wouldn’t I, I was her best girl! She hugged me, braided my hair all nice, sent me to bed with the sweetest forehead kiss. And seven years later, when I was twenty one, I realized no one in the world actually gives a single fuck about me.’

You take a shaky breath, ‘It was right after I finally managed to leave my ex, breaking into millions of pieces inside even though I knew he was terrible to me. I came home at night, and it was like a cemetery, even with three people in it. My sister was 15, up in her room with her phone, texting boys she’d never tell me about because I was too strict, I tried to control everything. My brother was 11, asleep, and I was too old to feel like a sister to him, he was afraid of me- and I don’t blame him, I had been cross and impatient with him so many times. And my mom- she was in one of her depressive episodes, more and more every month, she hadn’t gone to work for three days, locked herself in her room. No one had cooked anything, no one ever did when I didn’t. No leftover for me in the fridge that I’d hoped would be there, no one to talk to. This was the emptiness I was afraid of, that made me take so long to break it off with that fucker, that if I let go of that one thing, there would be nothing for me. There wasn’t, not a single person who had a single thought to spare for me, and you know what I realized? I only had myself to blame.’

It's harder for you to talk now, and you have to make an effort to keep your voice from shaking, ‘At fourteen, I got stuck being my mom’s ‘best girl’. I didn’t have time to hang out with friends, I didn’t have time for the boys who liked me- there was one who swore he was in love with me in senior year, and I broke his heart in front of his friends when I told him I wouldn’t go to prom with him. I didn’t have time. I worked jobs, I did household chores, I took care of my siblings, and I felt it was all worth it when mom looked at me in that way, smiled that smile at me- letting me know how much of a relief it is that she could count on me, that I was there, telling me and anyone she met that I was the best daughter in the whole world. It didn’t matter dad left, and my sister and brother felt more like jobs than siblings- I wasn’t unloved, mom loved me so much, so, so much. I didn’t notice it dry up over the years, I didn’t see that she started taking everything I did for granted, I didn’t see when everyone who cared about me, or tried to care about me dropped off from my periphery. I lived for my mother’s smile, and as it became rarer, I became more desperate, tried to do more, blamed it all on her depression, but at twenty one, I realized all that’s left was me, all alone.’

You swallow, feeling tears run down your cheek. You have never told anyone all this. Jake is like a stone statue, listening to you, ‘We do that, Jake.’, you say, wiping your face, ‘We get stuck. We think the one person who loved us at fourteen is still the only one who’d care about us at forty, and we put all our coins on that bet, becoming what they wanted us to become. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes you need them, and they need you, but sometimes, it’s all you, blind, going around in a circle.’

You take your hands off Jake’s body, stepping back. ‘You were right, I don’t know Simone. But I know we all are some kind of broken. She must be too, she’s dealing with that like she knows how, and maybe that’s how you get stuck, you both do.’

You’re fully clothed still, you realize, but the power has been back for a while now, and it’s hot. You take off your coat, feeling so tired, suddenly. You’ve been talking so much. ‘I’m not trying to save you or anything, Jake- ha, goodness knows I got my hands full with myself- and no one can save anyone anyway. You don’t need saving. You just need to see. You weren’t loved enough when you were a kid, and I’m so sorry about that, but that isn’t a lifelong truth about who you are. Simone was the only one who gave a shit, but she doesn’t have to be the only one now, and you don't have to be the only one for her either. I’m nobody, and you wouldn’t want me anyway, but one day you’ll meet someone and-’, stupid tears welling up again, weren’t you supposed to let go?-‘if you let them, you’ll see just how much they’ll love you. Or maybe you don’t meet just one person- you have beautiful things with multiple people- that can also happen. But you have to let them know and love you, Jake, let them have the whole of you, not a walled-up version, not just a Jake half of Jake-and-Simone. You can’t get stuck being that, trying to live your life around that forever. Just being with you for two days I’ve seen it, and you have to see too- you could be so much more.’

Jake is very still, barely even blinking, and you don’t have anything else to tell him that he needs to hear. You still talk though, you can’t stop, because as pathetic as it is, you never had anyone to say this stuff to before, ‘As for me, I’m still at home taking care of things, but I don’t plan to be doing this forever. Mom- her depression is real, and while what she did to me wasn’t fair, I can’t hate her for that. I’ll get her help. Mental health treatment is so fucking expensive… but I’m trying to talk to some organizations who might help. I can’t keep taking care of her all her life. My siblings are growing up, they won’t need me that much. I’m saving money. I’ll get out one day. And meanwhile, I took on this job because I get to travel. Thought I’d meet people, live a little, even if that means getting stuck in surprise blizzards in crazy cities.’ You try to smile, though your eyes are hazy with tears, ‘Maybe I’ll meet someone too, and they’ll love me, take care of me for a change. I want that. Not gonna lie, kinda forgot what it feels like-‘

Jake’s hand reaches out to grab you behind your neck, then he’s pressing your face onto his chest, and hugging you so tight you think he’s trying to mark your skin, get under it, sink into your bloodstream. You’re sobbing, holding him like he’s the last iceberg while the Titanic sinks behind you, and you think maybe he’s crying too, but you don’t know, you can’t see his face, and it doesn’t matter anyway, because at this moment, right now, you two understand each other, know each other perfectly, without having to exchange a single word.

Hour 42

Huddling under the blanket together, you two have Chinese leftover right out of the boxes like little kids. Crying really takes it out of you, and it’s been hours since you last ate. Jake groans about the possibility of food getting on his bed- he’s a bit of a clean freak- and you counter that you got much worse things on his carpet earlier, and he has to agree. He asks about birth control, serious- he didn’t use protection the last time, and you assure him that based on your cycle, you should be safe, but you’ll take a pill tomorrow anyway.

Then you’re ready for sleep, finally. It’s about to be dawn, but peering out of his window, you can’t see anything, the sky still dark with clouds. The big Chinese place sign is lit, washing his bed with soft yellow light as Jake turns the apartment lights off. He comes up behind you on the bed, you turn, and somehow you end up on your knees opposite each other, foreheads touching.

‘Jake,’, you say, voice tiny.

‘Mm.’, his arms are around your back, pinpricks of light in his eyes, earring glinting.

‘I like you.’, you feel like you’re in fifth grade again, confessing to a boy for the first time, but you didn’t get to do that stuff in fifth grade, did you, so you’ll do it now. Maybe the person is wrong, or maybe it’s the time, or the place, or just the situation, but why think so much when it’s all about to be over anyway? You’ve got enough of living with regrets. ‘You don’t have to-‘, you swallow, ‘You don’t have to say anything. I just thought I’d tell-‘

He stops you with a kiss, his mouth slowly devouring yours, long and tender. When you come up for air after what seems like ages, breathless, foreheads touching again, he murmurs, ‘Move to New York.’

‘You move to my hometown.’, you whisper, challenging him back, ‘I think that pub in the next town over is still looking for a bartender.’

He laughs, shaking silently, and you laugh too, and you both know neither of you are moving. Life is not a movie, and be it your roots or be it shackles, you don’t get to cut off and escape in a day. The best you can hope for is the promise of trying- to no one else, but to yourself.

‘Come to sleep.’, Jake pulls you next to him under the blanket, and when he kisses you on the forehead you think you might cry, but then you’re all snug and tiny in his arms, your face pressed against his chest, breathing him in, and you think how you have this moment, how you’ll always have this moment, no matter what.

Hour 49

You wake up to see Jake ready for going out. He’s wearing what must be their uniform at the restaurant- striped button-up, slacks, and a tie.

‘Nice outfit’, you observe.

‘Shut up’, he mutters, trying to get his hair to behave with a brush. ‘Locker room lock is jammed, apparently.’

‘Pulling it off, though.’, you tell him, ‘I want to tip you already.’

He half-smiles, putting down the brush. ‘I gotta be at work.’, he says, ‘We open at four but lots to do before-‘

‘Okay.’, you don’t need to know any more than the fact that he’s leaving now. ‘When does your shift end?’

‘Eleven.’

You’re not seeing him again. Trying to ignore the snaking pain the thought brings with it, you say, ‘Okay. Give me just fifteen minutes. I’ll get out with you now and wait it out at the airport-‘

He gives you a look, ‘Where do you get these ideas? Your plane is at two in the morning.’

He was listening last evening after all, even though all he’d said was ‘Good.’

‘Yeah, but-‘

He throws you his keys, ‘Just lock up before you leave. Leave the keys with the Chinese people.’

‘What, you know them?’

‘No, but I think I should. Food was great.’

You smile, ‘Yeah.’

Jake has shaved this morning. It makes him look much younger, and softer, and it hurts to look at him. ‘I’ll get out around ten at night.’, you tell him.

He nods, not saying anything.

At the door, you kiss. He tells you he’s running late, then kisses you again. He lets his forehead fall on your shoulder for a few seconds, breathing, arms around your waist, and you keep blinking as you run your hand on the back of his head, letting your fingers wind in his hair, messing it up again.

He doesn’t know where you work, your address except the name of your town. He doesn’t ask for your phone number, your social media handles (which in any case you don’t have that many of). He was never going to call you anyway, and what would he have said if he did? And what would you say back? So you understand, and you don’t ask for his things either.

You two lock eyes for a few moments, and you try to memorize him- the raven black hair messy in the back, the ring of amber around the pupils of his blue eyes, the groove on his nose, the unexpectedly pretty mouth. The earring and the chain, the tattoo on his arm that you can see because he has his sleeves rolled back. All of it is overlaid on memories that you made in the last two days- his smokey kisses and pink cheeks when he came in from the snow and hoarse voice and saying your name over and over- too many memories. They’ll last you a lifetime. They have to.

He puts on his coat and leaves, not looking back.

You walk aimlessly around the apartment. Shower. Gather your things in the backpack. Go to the place downstairs, now open, and get some more Chinese food. Chat with the owner folks again for a few minutes, thanking them for the candles. Come back, browse the internet- parts of the city are still ravaged but things are almost back to normal- it’s NYC after all. You plan your travel and work schedule for the next two days, putting things down in the calendar. You never did get the survey done in the city, you’ll tell them to send someone else for it next time.

Time moves slowly, and you miss Jake like you can’t breathe. Eventually, you pick up the t-shirt he took off before leaving. You take off your own top, slip Jake’s shirt on, and curl up on his side of the bed. ‘Very 90s rom-comey’, you think to yourself, ‘but nobody’s gonna see me anyway.’

Hour 59

You thought about it many times- you could just go to him. Swing by the Union Square Café. Just show up. He’ll be the one mixing drinks behind the bar. Maybe you could order something. Really tip him this time, bring that joke full circle.

But you don’t do it. You won’t. You’ve said your goodbyes. You don’t know how he’ll feel about you showing up unannounced in his workplace. And what’s the point anyway? You’ll just be saying the same goodbyes again.

Your Uber is arriving, so you come downstairs. You look up at the building once, at the window with the big Chinese sign. In that apartment, you were someone else, but now, outside it, you still feel different. Jake gave you something, you can’t put your finger on it. Maybe it’s just the part of you that felt that he gave you back. Day after day, thinking about work, plans, moves, strategies about life, things, other people- all of it blended into an endless muddy brown haze, with only the possibility of a light at the distant end of it, and then you met Jake, and he made you feel- emotions and connection and so many things you can’t even name. He’s hot and smooth and all that, and he and you bonded over trauma maybe, but this is really why you liked him so much. Still do- you think, helplessly trying to push down the clench of hurt inside your chest. God, imagine having to get over someone you were never even with- ooh no, you don’t have to imagine, you’ll be doing that now, for who know how long.

You look at the app. Your Uber car is stuck in traffic. Someone veers their bike into the alley with an alarmingly reckless speed, as if their life depended on it, and then they come to stop in front of you and your heart stops beating. It’s Jake. He’s back.

He lets the bike fall, ‘Thought I’d missed you. My windows are dark and you weren’t at the front door of the building.’, he’s panting, trying to catch his breath.

It occurs to you that this is the side door. You used this one because it’s the one you know.

‘What are you doing here?’, you manage to ask. You’ll have to leave in minutes but just seeing him now your body hums and buzzes like it just received the headiest dose of happiness of your life.

‘Wanted to see you.’, Jake says, and this man of yours, words are not his preference, are they, because then he pins you to the wall, and kisses you on the mouth.

‘Thought you didn’t get off until eleven’, you say in between the kisses, breathless, unbuttoning his coat and slipping your hand inside, sliding it on his chest over his shirt.

‘Oh, I’m not off. Just told Nick to cover me for five minutes and bailed.’ He unzips your coat, and the cold is a shock, but then his hand slips inside your sweater and it’s not cold, it’s getting a bit hot actually- ‘It’s already been twenty minutes.’ He says, kissing you again, ‘Howard’s gonna freak’. He grins against your jaw.

‘Really.’, you’ve been clutching on his collar, and the tie is loose. You like it much better this way, ‘Lots of trouble, just to see me.’

‘You’re worth some trouble.’, he murmurs against your ear, gently sucking on your earlobe.

‘Oh, yeah?’, you shiver- not from the cold.

‘Oh, yeah.’

Your Uber driver is calling you. ‘Just a minute!’, you gasp into your phone as Jake kisses your neck, ‘Just wait there for a couple minutes, please. I’m almost there.’

The car is at the front door, you realize, and now it’s really time to go.

You give Jake one last quick and full kiss on the mouth before peeling off of him. You bend down, and take out a black sharpie from your backpack that landed on the ground. You always have a few of these handy for marking questionnaires.

Jake is watching as you loosen his tie more and unbutton the top buttons of his shirt. You write your phone number along his right collarbone with the sharpie, pushing aside his white tank. You touch your lips there before you button his shirt back up and close the front of his coat for him.

‘A tattoo from me.’, you smile at him, ‘Don’t sweat too much tonight.’

You like that he could though. He could sweat, or could shower, messing up the numbers, or could just forget to copy it. Or he could have it and just choose not to call you. You’d never know which. You like that.

Jake nods, murmurs, ‘Thank you.’

‘I won’t-‘, you have to tell him, ‘I won’t wait for you to call me. But-‘

‘But I will, if I’m feeling too fucked up some time and in need of talking about my feelings.’

‘Or makeup advice.’, you add.

‘Or that,’, he agrees.

You hug him. It’s harder to feel with your heavy jackets, but you can tell he’s hugging you back with all he has.

You won’t cry. You understand how big a deal it is for him to want to call you for talking about real stuff if he ever feels the need. Maybe it’s the heat of the moment and he won’t ever, but he trusts you, and feels that you are close. You’re friends. And friends is the best you could hope for, given everything else.

You kiss his cheek. Say goodbye. He lets you go, taking just a second too long to do it.

You turn back once. You thought you wouldn’t cry, but your eyes are blurry, and through them you can see him, standing there looking back at you. You swallow your stupid sob, and smile through it.

Maybe it’s the end. Maybe it isn’t. You get to find out. And that- that is glorious.

[igotanidea]

Gritty - sweetbitter fanfiction (Jake x OC) : chapter 1

not gonna lie - I'm super excited to publish this

also: if you have any suggestions of what tags should I use to blast this story let me know :)

Enjoy and share

Pairing: sweetbitter!Jake X OC

word count: 5.645

warnings: not in this part, but def. in the future

masterlist

Chapter 1

Welcome to New York

12 years ago, September 1st

­- You are my best friend, you know – I said to a boy sitting next to me on the pier by the ocean in our favorite spot in Cape Cod. Since it was early Monday morning there was not a soul to be seen and we both loved this peace and calmness that comes with lack of people. The circumstances of our conversation was however a bit more saddening. -  Even if…

-What?

-Even if Simone tries to keep you away.

-She doesn’t keep me away. She just …. cares.

- Yeah, right.

-What?

-Nothing. I just… I know she is like a mother to you, but your relation is just … I don’t know…

- Are you jealous? – he squinted

- Really, Jake? Joking much? – I eyed him with serious look, shaking my head but he could see the smallest of smiles on my face – I care too, you know. Just in a different way. Don’t know if it’s better but that’s just how it is. More like watching from the distance.

- Like a predator. Waiting for a prey – he nudges me playfully – you are like a kestrel.

- That is an unusual comparison.

-Maybe – he shrugged- but it fits you. In a good way – he shifted towards me, now sitting with his one leg up his chest, the other stretched freely – you may seems quiet and distant but you are always there for those who need you. For me and I …. – he hesitated but never finished – never mind.So…. you’re leaving?

-I don’t want to . I don’t freaking want to. But, shit, I’m barely 15 and no one treats me seriously so what a girl can do?

-You could raise a rebellion. I would do that if I had a choice.

-Mhm, sure. And end up being grounded to the addition to the moving. It’s already hard as it is. – I went silent looking at the sea in front of us. The wind was flowing through my messy hair and I was trying my best to remember everything about the place where I grew up and about the person I cared about. Jake. And Simone, but that was a bit more complicated story.

-I don’t want you to go – he muttered barely audible looking at the ground for some reason avoiding my gaze.

-I know, Tri, I’m scared. Everything will be new there. I don’t know if I will fit in. I mean, New York? The buzzing city? The “concrete jungle where dreams are made of”? This is some serious shit.   – my voice was flat, but we both had this sort of connection where we knew the hidden emotions. We knew each other since we were 8 and Jake lost his mother, and spending a lot of time together we kind of learnt how to read each other. However, this bond never got a chance to turn into something more serious and the reason behind it ….

- There you are! – a tall blonde girl emerged from behind causing both of us to jump. Up till now I didn’t even realize that we so close to each other. She slid in the space between us and with a widest smile started talking – everyone has been looking for you, Mackie. And I was worried about you, Jake.

- Simone – I nod my head towards her. We were some sort of friends but I always knew deep inside me that she was hiding something. I had my suspicions about it too, but never really confronted either Jake or Simone about it. When I tried they were just shutting me off and I never wanted that.

-We are fine, Simone – Jake abruptly stood up and leaned over the barrier. Now he was up while me and Simone were sitting next to each other. – We were just talking.

-About what? – she shook her head and her perfect hair waved.

-Mackie’s moving to the big city.

-Oh, yes. We are going to miss you, Mackie, truly. You are our best friend after all. Besides, we would still call and text each other, right? And talk on Skype. We have so many possibilities.

-Sure. Sure Simone. Every day. I would not accept anything else – I agreed looking at her – sure as hell won’t let you get rid of me so easily.

-I’m counting on that – Simone moved closer and hugged me – I’m really, really sorry this had to happen to you.

- Having a lawyer father and a mother that got a job at NYU I should have seen that coming – I sighed letting the girl hold me. It was surprisingly comforting. – Anyway, I’m cold. Shall we had back?

-Sure. There is some hot tea and snacks at home. And maybe we will get a taste of the wine that has been growing in the cellar. Help me up, Jake? – she stuck her hand and Jake lifted her. – Let’s go – she took the boy by one arm and me by the other and we walked towards the house.

12 years ago, September 5th

-Just hurry up, Mackie! Say goodbye to your friends and get in the car! We have quite a journey ahead!

-Oh come on, mum. I need some more time!

-You will address your mother with more respect young lady! – my father chimed into the conversation

-Sorry dad – I muttered – it’s important to me, ok? A couple of minutes, please? – I pleaded with my eyes wide open for better effect.

- You are a player, you know that, and your charm does not work on me, but I understand. I’ll give you those couple of minutes. Now, go! – he pointed me towards Jake and Simone who were standing a few meters away and got in car himself. As soon as he did I turned towards my friends.

-This is it then – I shrugged.

-We will never forget you, Mackie.

Shit, Simone! I wanted to avoid being melodramatic – I smirked when she reached her arms and hold me closely.

-Well I wanted to be. Promise to call us. – she moved so she could look at my face. – Promise.

- I promise – I looked at Jake who was just standing there, hands in his pockets, no word and no expression on his face – Bye, Jake. – I said without taking any step closer to him. I just could not force myself to and neither did he. As you may have guessed we were both reserved and distant.

-Bye, Kennel – he answered and just kept on standing in the same pose looking straight at me. I withheld this gaze without looking down. 

- Your parents are waiting, Mack – Simone said when my father honked a couple of times hurrying me up. – I’m going inside. I can’t watch you drive away – she hugged me one more time and disappeared inside. As soon as she was out of sight Jake shifted forward and embraced me with his arms. That  was new. Burring his face in my neck, giving me some tickling he muttered something I could not quite understand (but there was something that started with L) and then as fast as Simone entered the house.

My first instinct was to run after him and make him explain all this but it truly was time to go.

8 years ago, July 4th

The independence day. The national celebration and what was most important – day FREE OF WORK. Even though I practically had to beg I forced my parents to take an opportunity to make a little trip to a Cape Cod.  For no particular reason they were reluctant but finally gave up. So I finally get a chance to reunite with my friends. I have to admit that for the last years our contact varied. Skype and messages were fine and frequent, I also came to visit from time to time but since I wasn’t there on regular basis I felt like I was cut off from a lot of things.

4th of July and summer time finally gave me an opportunity to make up for that. So can you blame me that when we arrived at Cape Cod my first instinct was to run to our place by the seaside? I was really hoping to find Jake there. I needed to talk to him first, before Simone since there was something off about him last time we spoke. I run the steps leading towards the pier and was welcomed by the sea breeze on my face. Oh, how I missed that! It’s been too long. Luckily, I was turning 18 next year so maybe I will be able to finally convince my parents that I’m fine traveling by myself.

-Kennel? – I spun around, all hair immediately on my face, blocking the view. But even if my sight was off for a moment I knew who was standing in front of me.

- Jake – I smiled as I got a hold of them and it grew even bigger when he put a single left strand behind my ear.  – Hello.

- I’ve heard you were coming – he moved an inch closer.

-Really? I thought you just spend the last two years here waiting for me to return. 

- You are crazy – he shook his head. – Nothing changed.

-With you too, I guess? Nothing new?

- Not much. I mean, what do I have in comparison with new Yorker?

-I don’t feel like I am. This place consumes you, but it takes ages to actually feel like at home there. At least for me.

-You were always an introvert, maybe that’s why.

-Yeah, maybe – I leant onto the barrier, our hands almost touching when he brushed his fingers over mine. – I missed this. – Jake stayed silent just staring at the ocean and I didn’t feel the urge to fill the silence. Just this. Simple as it was. Meant much more than words.

-Simone is waiting for you too, we should head back.

- Should we?

- Yes, Mackie. Come on. We’ll eat and then watch the fireworks tonight.

***

The day just… passed and before I realized we were heading towards the beach to celebrate with other people. Even though it was still quite light we were off for quite a show. The fireworks at the sea shore were always better than anywhere else in the country.

Jake and Simone were walking ahead of me, joking and laughing, having the time of their lives. Their happy faces and teasing were something I missed too. They seemed closer than before I left and that was a little thorn but I decided not to focus on that too much and just enjoy the evening.

-Mackie! Catch up! – Simone called for me – don’t stay behind, why would you do that? It’s starting – she stopped between me and Jake as the fireworks started to explode. I was right, it was breathtaking. Me and Simone had our heads up admiring it, but when I tear my gaze away I noticed Jake was staring at me instead of at the sky. I frowned at him in confusion, silent question forming but he just shook his head signalizing it was nothing important, so I just shrugged and continued on watching.

It ended sooner than any of us wanted. It was still early but all of a sudden I felt tired and couldn’t suppress a yawn.

-Exhausted, Mackie? – Simone asked

- Yeah, don’t know why. Must be the journey.

-Sure it is. Jake will walk you home than, won’t you? I will stay here for a while more, hope you’ll join me later, ok?

- Whatever – Jake shrugged getting up from the sand and motioned me to move.

Silence seemed to be natural for us and once again it feel during our walk on the beach.

-I know you’re not really that tired – Jake finally broke it.

-Am I not? Why do you think so?

-Mackie, cut it. Thank you.

-No, Jake, seriously, what is going on? – I stopped abruptly finally having the chance to confront him – is there something, anything, you want to tell me?

- No – simple answer to much more complicated question.

-Liar.

-Menace.

-Asshole.

-Witch.

- Witch? – well that was new, but before I could think of a comeback his lips were on mine. Shit! What the …. – Jake! –I pushed him away with all the strengths that surprise gave me – what the hell? What got into you?

-I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to feel you for real. 

-Did you? – I raised my eyebrows still a bit mad but the eyes gave me away.

- Not in the slightest.

- Need another try? – I mocked feeling him coming close once again.

And THAT was the real firework. He captured my lips in his, chasing them every time I was foolishly trying to pull away. His hands on my waist just gripped me tighter towards him. There was something desperate in his embrace. Like he was looking for escape, trying to lost himself in me. I don’t know what he was trying to convey to me but wasn’t sure if this was about me or him or… us. It felt both right and wrong almost like there was a third person with us.

-Jake – I finally managed to pull back, but he was still holding me – am I a distraction to you?

-What?  - he frowned – Why?

-I’m just asking. And I want an honest answer, I can tell when you’re lying.

-You are not a distraction, Mackie.

-Glad we got it sorted- I freed myself of his embrace and continued the walk home as if nothing happened.  

3 years ago, October 23rd

Long distant relationships never work, and I mean NEVER. I’ve learned it the hard way.

-You should come visit me in New York on Christmas. It’s so magical here, Jake, it will cheer you up – I tried to convince him while we were talking through Skype.

- I don’t think that would be possible, Mackie.

- And why exactly not?

- Simone is going through some stuff. I need to be here for her.

-Ok, I get that. Doesn’t she want to come over too? I’ve got more than enough place for both my …. – I wasn’t exactly sure if I can call him boyfriend even after all this time. – friends.

-Yeah, she want to stay home, so I’ll take the rain check.

- Fine, have it your way. I just wished I could see you in person and …. You know – I blushed remembering the last time we saw each other which was quite heated.

- About that, I need some space, Mackie so how about we slow it down a bit?

-Slow down? Jake, we barely see each other, I’m busy with studies you are doing some secretive shit you won’t tell me about and you’re talking about slowing down? I mean, it’s alright with me – I may or may have not lied – but seriously, is everything ok on your side?

- I’m good – he muttered – and I gotta go – he hung up on me and for a moment I saw my reflection on the computer screen. What the hell just happened?

2 years ago, January 31st

To cut the story short, let me say that since that Skype talk on which we …. Broke up, I guess. If we were ever to be called a real couple… Never mind, since that Skype talk all my contact with Jake was more and more rough. He was distant, I was cold, never again asking, we were both suspicious and tough. Yeah, it just didn’t work between us anymore. And as a consequence neither did my contact with Simone, ever though she was still calling from time to time, but less and less frequently. As a distraction I focused on my school and studies and living my best life. Or best –ish. Life in New York was even faster and more stressful with time than at the beggining. The fast pace, the people everywhere and constant noise was something I was not used to. I much preferred the deserted landscape of the Cape, but I had to just adjust like my father jokingly put it.

I had to keep up with my classmates at new school which resulted in me taking a lot of extra classes and activities (my parents were very career and education oriented), than a job and before I realized I started college. NYU obviously. And being the daughter of one of the most strict teacher was not a piece of cake. Hence, I never really made any close friends. It was really, really hard time for me, cut from Jake and Simone (of course, after some time we stopped contacting each other, who would have guessed, right?), unable to make connection with “ethnic” New Yorkers and being pretty much alone. The only thing that helped me survive was writing. About everything that came into my mind. After classes, when my peers were just hanging out, probably going to the clubs or getting drunk I would just sit in the Central Park spitting my imagination out on paper. My parents did not notice my loneliness of course – they were too busy – but thanks to my mother connections I was able to publish one of my stories. And then the other. And the other. Of course, it was just a hobby since I studied economy. My mother’s brother, uncle Howard (even if I never called him uncle since he hated that) who was a manager at one of the New York finest restaurant believed it would be a great experience and opportunity for me to train there and honestly, I was more than happy to accept. Now, everyone was just waiting for me to finish my studies.

2 years ago, May 25th

After finally graduating (with honors, obviously), much to my parents’ displeasure and Howard’s quiet approval I decided to do some additional training in the area I was about to work in. So I took some culinary training and courses to help me with my knowledge in kitchen. This gave me an opportunity to extend my knowledge and come to Howard’s restaurant prepared. I’m not going to sugar coat working, learning and having to keep my rent and living costs in check was really, really hard and yet extremely satisfying. Besides, I knew what was ahead of me and that kept me afloat.

I also get some information about Jake and Simone. Yeah, I was still doing that. Apparently they moved to New York (I wondered how we haven’t bumped into each other, yet) and get a job and life here. Simone got married (which is unbelievable), spend some time in France learning about wine (which seemed more like her). Now they were working together in a restaurant. Like I mention I found it unexpected that we didn’t meet each other somewhere on the street

Today, October 11th

I was ready. I couldn’t  believe it. At the age of 27, which felt old enough I was standing in front of Howard’s restaurant ready to come in and enjoy the rest of my life. Enjoy what I worked for so hard. Even if that meant working even harder. I was ready. For the last two years I was visiting him occasionally just to get a grip of the place, observe people and the stuff, get an idea of how it all worked into the bigger picture. And I had to admit it, it was smooth. However, I was always undercover, some sort of a secret guest. Always taking a table close to the exit, never really engaging in the life of the restaurant. Me and Howard both agreed that it would be best for everyone, us included, since none of us wanted me to be treated any differently in future work. So I was more of a shadow. No one was supposed to know that I was related to Howard. For the first time in my life I wanted to be a part of something bigger. I also did not engage much with the servers. When I came, usually back door, Howard was the one to personally take care of all my meals. Looking back at that I have no idea how the hell we made it work, but somehow it happened.

And now, I was here. Not a student, not a secret guest, just me. Just Mackie, prepared to do what was expected of her. I was both excited and nervous but anyone watching me from the outside would never guess that. I perfectly knew how to cover up for my emotions and be cool and steady. After all, I was practicing that since I was a kid. Without any more thinking I entered the restaurant. Since it was early, it was practically empty, save two people sitting by the window. One of the bartenders that I remembered from my last time here was preparing the bar and the glasses for the night, two of the servers were folding napkins and cleaning the cutlery. The kitchen doors, behind the counter was opening and closing dynamically as from time to time someone else were carrying new utensils like saltshakers. I looked around and noticed Howard and some girl sitting at one of the tables. Being who I am I decided to just wait till they end to conversation so I sat on one of the bar stools minding my own business.

-Can I help you young lady? Isn’t is a bit early for you to look for a drink? And are you even allowed to legally drink? – the barman turned towards me

- well, the answer’s no for the first question and yes for the latter. I could use some water though.

-Sure thing. What brings you here at such an early hour?

-You are a talkative one, sir, aren’t you?

-It comes with the job. Bartenders are the one to listen to a sob stories a lot.

-Like a therapists?

- Wouldn’t go that far, but something like that. The name’s Nicky by the way – he handed me a glass.

-I’m Mackie – I shook his hand.

- So what’s your business here? – he asked again

-You are not going to let go, are you? – I smiled –  guess it is a business indeed. I ….

-Mackie – I did not even notice when Howard finished his talk and approached me – you’re early.

-I am, boss, it’s just my cautiousness talking.

-Wise – he nodded – Nicky, I see you have met our newest server.

-Server, huh? – Nicky fixed his glasses and eyed me – I see the business now. Welcome aboard, then. You are up for a bumpy ride, kiddo.

-I’m counting on it. I hate taking the easy way.

-That is pretty unusual. Ambitious much? – Nicky asked

-Extremely.

-Mackie, come with me, we need to discuss the details of your shifts. – Howard motioned me towards the table. – Nicky, a glass of champagne.

-Sure. Anything else for you, Mack?

-I’ll stick to water thanks.

I grabbed my glass and changed places, sitting a bit more away from the bar where anyone could hear us.

-Hello, Howard. It’s nice to finally be here on official matter without sneaking out.

- It makes a lot of things easier for us. However, since you are here I need to remind you of the rules.

-Ok. –I took a sip. I remembered them vividly, but decided to let Howard keep his dominance since he was practically running this place.

-First, no one should come to know we are family.  Second, no easy treatment, you train and serve just like everyone else and get a supervisor to watch your moves. Finally, even though I’m convinced you know that – you watch yourself. The stuff can be pretty intense and I don’t want you to get into any trouble. Is that understood?

-Yes.

- Perfect. Now, you are not the only new face here. We got some other girl, who’s already changing. She’s interesting, unusual. You will work together. – he turned around upon hearing some talking coming from behind – Will! Can you come here for a second? – he waved upon the black haired man dressed in a shirt and apron. He looked like a professional with his straight posture and light smile. I could bet he was the charming one with the guest.  – Will, this is Mackie. She is your new mentee. And Mackie, like I said Will is going to be your mentor. Giving your characters you can learn a lot from each other.

- Hi – I looked at the guy.

-Well hello, new girl. It is quite an accomplishment that you were admitted. You must be special.

-Flattery – I smirked, and he smiled back.

-She doesn’t want to be treated lightly Will, so bear that in mind – Howard chimed in.

-When are we ever? – the man shrugged.

-Fine than – my uncle stood up and fixed his jacket – I’ll leave you to it. Go fetch that other new girl….

-Tess – Will completed.

-Yes, Tess. Mackie, go change, get Tess and off to work you go.

***

-Hi there! – a dark haired girl, probably a couple years younger than me smiled at me as soon as I entered the staff changing room. Apparently my shirt and apron were already prepared and waiting for me – I’m Tess. I’m the new girl.

- One of two, it seems. I’m Mackie. I’m new too.

-Are you nervous? I am, a bit.

-A little, maybe. But also ready for what’s coming. – I reached inside the locker and grabbed a blue striped shirt and snow-white frock.

-You are so calm…. I wish I had that in me… I miraculously got this job and I need it to make a living and keep myself here.

- Are you here alone? I can tell you are not from New York.

- How do you know.

- You are different than a native new Yorker. In a good sense – I assured her when her face dropped – you seem more … open. Natural. Straight-forward. Not everyone would casually strike a conversation with the stranger.

-You are not a stranger. We are coworkers now, so I guess I want to be …. Friendly?

- It suits you – I smiled lightly – both the attitude and the outfit. Shall we go, now? Will is probably waiting for us downstairs.

-Yeah, yeah, let’s go. – she almost jumped to the door.

First meeting with Tess left me under impression that she was like a squirrel. Excited, energetic, optimistic. She wanted to prove herself. She was quick on her feet even though she did not exactly knew where it was leading her. Will was giving us a tour, showing the kitchen, introducing to the stuff, pointing towards the wine cellar and supply closet and Tess was just asking hundreds and hundreds of questions. Who? What? Why? Where? At some point she spotted one of the man silently sobbing in the corner and while I was rather focused on giving him his privacy she went straight at him.

-Are you ok? – Tess asked

-Of course I am. Why would I not be? – he immediately turned a bit aggressive and added some words in foreign language

- Hey, calm down, Russian boy – I stopped him as I understood some of it –from what I saw you don’t get much space for mental breakdown here so how about covering in the cellar, hmm? No one is there now.

- Mental breakdown – he scoffed – I’m perfectly fine as I am. And I am NOT hiding anywhere.

- Of course – I smirked – you are all good to go, right?

- Obviously – he scoffed again – silly question if I’m ok – he eyed Tess, who seemed hurt and confused and run towards his other duties.

- Why…?

- Not to smart off, but sometimes people just want to let whatever is in them out without causing a sensation. My guts are telling me that one needed it since he is probably the life of the party on every other day.

- How do you….? – she asked again but was hushed by Will, who came out of nowhere.

-Come on, girls, quit the chitchat, we have a meal to attend before the big night and if you skip it you will be on your feet all night with an empty stomach. Believe me, rumbling in a stomach is no good for reputation.  – Come on! – he urged us towards the room where all the stuff was already feasting. Tess stopped amazed with the atmosphere of the place. Everyone was talking, laughing and feeling at ease. Me? Not so much. I just observed the faces. I was much better on one-to-one contact than dealing with a whole group. And it was not my intention to interrupt any of them and become the center of attention. Not in a million years. Tess reached for the plate but before she could get some food Will shoved her towards the smaller table full of the salt-shakers.

- You sit there. You are on your cutlery duty. You too, Mackie – he whispered and I was quick to follow. A second later, Howard came through the door holding a bottle of wine.

- Hello everyone – he spoke and everyone went silent.

-Hello, Howard.

-Big night tonight. And therefore I decided to let you have some treat as an incentive – he put the bottle down and one of the girls was eager to uncork it – try it – he briefly looked at me almost like he was trying to give me an incentive – who will tell me what sort of wine is this. I was quick enough to grab a glass before anyone else. I studied wine during my courses so this was a chance to show a bit of what I learned. Even if I risked being called show-off.

- I can taste mint. And green bell pepper. – I mumbled

- Would you mind speaking up, Mystery? – the same man we saw sobbing earlier exclaimed.  

- Mystery? – I raised my eyebrows.

- Fits you well enough. Now, speak up!

- I think it’s Cabernet Sauvignon.

- It is indeed. Anything else you’d like to add? Or maybe someone else would elaborate? – Howard looked around

- Judging by the taste and hence the variation of the fruit it’s the French one. A bit sour, though, so probably year 2015 when the summer was particularly cold and the crops were slightly affected - some familiar voice spoke and I froze in place as I saw a certain blond-haired woman looking over at me above the shoulder of her coworker. Pretty sure, everyone saw me standing there like a deer in the headlights.

- Thank you, Simone – Howard smiled and forced me to sit down since I could not move by myself. A gentle push was just what I needed to get back to reality. – I did not open a 200 dollars bottle of champagne just to entertain you. You give it your best tonight. Good luck – and with those words he just left.

- Thank you, Howard! – he was chased by the stuff’s voices. 

- What just happened?  - Tess asked but before I could explain anything to her everyone stood up, making a lot of noise and started throwing dished into the bowl. We went from a peaceful atmosphere towards the crazy within a couple of seconds.

- Get it together, Mystery and new girl. You wash the dishes. Hurry. – Will appeared out of nowhere shoving us off.

- This nickname is gonna stick, right? – I asked gathering the dishes.

-Well, Sasha called it, so most probably – he shrugged.

- Great. – I blew a raspberry and followed him back to the kitchen.

***

It seemed like everything was on fire. Literally – the ingredients being prepared, everyone running around and shouting at each other preparing for the service…. Crazy, but I knew that from my past experience in the restaurant business so it was easier for me to deal with it. I just wished for a spare minute to talk to Simone, but she was out sight. Not sure if so busy or just avoiding me. But why would she avoid me? I kept those thought at bay and focused on the tasks. Tess however, acted like a typical overwhelmed newbie. Her eyes wide open, her hands trembling, hair and apron a mess.

-Tess – I looked at her to steady her – breathe, ok? Breathe. – she obediently took a breath.

- Everyone was new once – the one person I was looking for this whole time added as she grabbed Tess my her arms and fixed her hair and straps – you’ll get used to it, little one.   – Hello, Mackie.

- Hello, Simone.

- Wonderful surprise to see you here – she smiled sincerely, just like I remembered.

- Same.

- We have to catch up after service. A glass of wine at my place, perhaps? You seem to know a lot about the beverage.

- Again: same. I underwent some culinary training before applying here so hence the knowledge. But I heard you learned it first- hand. France?

- Indeed – she laughed – but we will talk later, ok? A lot of work to do.

-It is. You are in your element thought, aren’t you. Loving the action.

- Well, you haven’t changed a bit. And already get a nickname. Mystery really does suits you.

-Wait, you know each other? – Tess asked

- Yes, from a childhood. We spend quite some time together as kids. Before Mackie and her parents moved – Simone looked over my shoulder at someone who was just entering the kitchen – at what time does your shift start, darling?

- Those are suggested work hours and fuck off, Simone. – when I heard that voice I turned around on my heels and smiled lightly when he spotted me too. 

-  Hello, Jake.

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Nightshade

Chapter 22 | Chapter 24

Holy shit it's been a minute! Hi y'all! I'm back! Life's been absolutely insane lately and finding the time or the inspiration to write has just been really hard the past month or so. So, sorry this has taken so long to get out, but to make it up to y'all here's a 40 PAGE chapter! 😅😂 TW: THIS TW CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS! The usual, language, smoking, drinking, mentions of drugs and alcohol, some very painful memories, mentions of abuse/neglect, mentions/descriptions of nudity and inappropriate photos of a minor, violence, blood, character death, panic attacks, general not so good stuff is gonna go down, unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka ignoring all the shit going wrong until we can't anymore), make out scenes, dirty talk, some minor roleplay if you squint, and finally some fuckin SMUT! Yeah, the will they won't they train has FINALLY left the station! We've got some teasing, foreplay, oral female & male receiving (kind of a little), penetration, nipple play, idk what else to tell ya xD And a little bit of unhealty family drama at the end of it :) Also it's super late where I live so this chapter was very VERY roughly edited, so if ya see any mistakes, no you don't xD

Chapter 23: Oysters & Champagne

The greatest changes happen with time. It is the slow, steady progression that paves the way forward for bigger, brighter things. The shift between day and night, the methodical building of new cities and roads, and the lowering of one's guard to allow connection and emotion to take hold. The greatest things often happen slowly, then all at once.

As I watched Jake sign to Prue from across the diner table, taking her feedback with a determination I wouldn't have expected from him when we'd first met, it was hard not to think of Rada's old saying. “Slowly, then all at once,” Rada explained as she helped guide my brush into lighter, slower strokes. “See? Rome was not built in a day my Lena, your painting will not be perfected in that time either.”

So much had changed in the past months that it was hard to even remember how it all began. In the beginning, Jake had been just another annoying bad-boy bartender that wanted a quick easy fuck and I'd been just another closed-off, flighty back waiter. Yet, here we were, sitting side by side in a diner booth. It was strange to think that when we'd first met I wanted nothing to do with him or his flirtatious advances and now… Now I couldn't imagine a moment without him.

“Okay, okay, let me try this,” he said with a sly grin. “Your boyfriend is a pussy.”

Prue rolled her eyes, but admitted, “You're improving.”

“Thank you,” he beamed, clearly pleased with himself and his joke.

She reached over the table and flicked his head. “You're an ass.”

Jake rubbed his forehead as I laughed. “You deserved that.”

“Worth it.”

As we happily resumed eating our breakfasts the diner door opened and slammed shut. Quinn tore her jacket off and threw it into the booth as she slid in and picked up her menu. It'd been like this for a few days. Quinn would show up pissed off about something, we'd ask, she'd tell us it was nothing and then she'd get drunk every night. It was an obvious cycle of coping, the question was what she was coping with.

Prue and I shared a glance, trying to work out the best way to approach the subject. Jake, however, just went straight into speaking, “What's crawled up your ass?”

“Nothing,” she ground out glaring at him from behind her menu.

He laughed. “And you call me grumpy.”

Something in her finally broke. “Fuck you, at least I have a reason to be so grumpy!”

“Yeah?” He continued to press, the asshole in him just unable to contain his glee at getting a rise out of someone. “Like what?”

“Like my dumbass fucking dad showing up!”

The silence that followed was interrupted by the sound of our forks clacking against the plates. Quinn's dad was something serious, something that rarely came up anymore but serious all the same. He was a known addict who spent her entire childhood bouncing between neglect and full-fledged abuse. When Quinn lived across the street from us we could hear him yelling and throwing things at all hours of the day. At night he'd leave, sometimes for weeks at a time, and Quinn would essentially come and live with us until her dad came pounding on our door demanding his kid back.

My dad had beat the shit out of him more times than I could remember, but other than that there wasn't much we could do, not when Quinn refused to let us. For years she held out hope that her dad would one day get things figured out and they could be a real family. That hope died when she turned sixteen and he disappeared. After she'd grown up and gotten on her own two feet he started showing up at random asking for money or a place to stay while he “figured some things out”, but that always ended the same. With Quinn brokenhearted.

“Your dad's back in town?” I asked. “Why didn't you say anything?”

“It doesn't matter,” she responded.

“Yes, it does! We all know what he puts you through, Quinn. We could-”

“You could do nothing because unlike you I don't have two big brothers and a drug dealer on speed dial.” The harsh words settled over the table, sinking into both of us for a minute before Quinn shook her head and relented to the tired ache in her. “I… I'm sorry, Lee. I didn't mean that.”

“It's okay,” I reassured her, reaching across the table to take her hand. “I know.”

Tears built in her eyes but she wouldn't cry, not because of him, not ever again. “I told him to fuck off already so he's probably halfway back into whatever hole he crawled out of.”

Prue put her arm around Quinn's shoulder and hugged her. “Want us to stay with you? I can close up shop for the day.”

“I can call in,” I offered.

“I can say pussy,” Jake added, getting a laugh out of her. “Seriously though, I dunno what they're saying but… Fuck your dad.”

She sniffled and shook off the wave of sorrow. “Thanks, all of you, but I'm good.”

Holding out her pinky Prue gave her a look. “Pinky swear?”

Quinn shook it and nodded. “Pinky swear.”

“And, just for the record,” I said, “My brothers would always come to help you, Quinn. So would Dom. You're not alone.”

“I know,” she whispered, but I could see what was left unsaid in her eyes. It's not the same. We may have been Quinn's found family, but the hurt in her was the same as Patrick felt. She knew she wasn't blood… She knew if it came to a choice between me and her my brothers would choose me every time. And nothing I said or did would change her mind on it.

The ring of Jake's phone broke the uneasy silence. He checked the number with narrow eyes. “It's Dom.”

“Dom's calling you?” Quinn questioned, forcing herself to relax even just partially.

“Okay, what did you guys do that day I was gone?” I teased. “First he's actually using your government name, then he's calling you on the phone?”

Jake shushed me as he answered. “Hey, what's up? Uh… No, I don't. Sure, I guess. Yeah, see you in a bit.”

“What was that about?”

“Apparently I'm getting a couch and a TV.”

I shook my head and nudged him. “Seriously, what did you do?”

Jake shrugged, taking a final bite of his food before standing. “Don't worry bout it, Princess. See you at work.”

“See you at work,” I replied. “Don't break any legs trying to move that shit into your tiny apartment.”

He flipped me off as he made his way out the diner door and headed out. When I turned back to the table Quinn and Prue were both grinning at me. “You've seen his apartment now?”

“It's not a big deal,” I replied.

“Is this part of that juicy phone call I intercepted a while ago?” Her eyebrows rose. “A sexy debt if I remember correctly.”

“I have no clue what you're talking about.”

Prue slapped her hands on the table. “Spill it!”

“There's nothing to spill,” I insisted.

“Bullshit!” Quinn interjected. “You were gone all day.”

With a roll of my eyes and a giddy, girlish feeling making my stomach fill with butterflies I caved. “We just hung out and took a few pictures with his camera.”

Quinn's brows wiggled. “Sexy pictures?”

“Maybe…” 

Prue happily squeaked. “Oh my god did you two finally-”

“No.”

Quinn groaned, throwing her head back. “Oh my god! Just fuck already!”

I shook my head. “Classy, Quinn.”

“Seriously!” She continued. “I feel like I'm getting blue balled and I'm not even involved in your almost fucks!”

“Just think about how great it would feel to finally do it,” Prue added. “I know I was absolutely buzzing when Will and I finally did!”

“I…” With a sigh I looked down and quickly, quietly admitted. “I have thought about it.”

Quinn quickly translated for Prue and both of them became insatiable for the rest of breakfast.

*

Jake watched the bikers easily maneuver the decently sized couch and the modest TV around the stairs and up into his apartment. He'd attempted to help a few times but quickly got told to “bugger off” by what looked like an eighty-year-old man, so he just stood and watched. Dom stood next to him, silently observing before he finally asked, “Well, what do you think?”

“It looks good,” he answered. “Still a bit confused as to why you're giving me this shit but hey, frees free.”

Dom chuckled, a real chuckle. “I don't got the room for it, besides, you earned it.”

Shaking his head, Jake once again reiterated the facts. “I didn't do anything. I just-”

“You just protected her,” Dom finished for him. “That ain’t nothin’, Jake.”

“Yeah, but I don't need… Payment or anything for it.” He looked at Dom, meeting the hardened eyes. “I didn't do it for that.”

“I know.” The drug dealer clapped him on the shoulder. “Consider it a gift then.”

“Didn't take you for a guy that gave out gifts.”

“I'm not, so just say thank you and we'll never speak of it again.”

Jake chuckled. “Thank you, Dom.”

“Shut up,” he answered, nodding to the new space. “It's a bit crowded.”

With a shrug, Jake just examined the soft leather. “It's not too bad. I'm used to tight spaces.”

Hemingway leaped onto the sofa, purring as he rubbed the soft leather on his skin. “Well, at least the cat likes it.” Dom watched the others leave and moved to follow. “Call me if you can't get the TV workin'. I'll have John come out and fix it.”

“John's the one that calls me a twit, right?”

“Yep.”

“I'm sure the TV works fine.” He waved them off and closed the door, staring at the tiny living room he now had set up.

It wasn't perfect or fancy, most people would even argue that it was too much for the already cramped space, but Jake kind of liked it. His chair had gotten pushed into the back corner with his guitar on top of it. The edges of the couch left only a little room for people to slide past to the bathroom, but he rarely had company over so that didn't matter much. The TV fit on top of one of his shelves and left enough room for him to put DVDs or VHS tapes up too. He'd moved the thin coffee table he never used into the center of the space, pushing it up against the shelf a bit so there was enough legroom for the couch and then he sat down.

“Well,” he asked, turning towards the cat. “What do you think?”

Hemingway's only response was a loud purr as he curled up on the section of couch that was bathed in sunlight. 

Jake chuckled at the creature and settled into the leather, resting his head against the back of the couch. “Yeah, it's pretty nice.”

*

22West was relatively quiet when I got in. The kitchen was almost done with prep work and from what I could tell we weren't overbooked. The locker room was empty and stayed empty as I changed into my work attire. It felt kind of nice, to have a moment of quiet to myself at the start of a hopeful easy shift.

Jake set his bike down by the door and quickly entered, hair still disheveled. I closed my locker and smirked at him. “You're running later than normal.”

“I fell asleep,” he answered, practically tearing the locker open and throwing his newly returned jacket to me. I opened my mouth to protest, but he just gave me a look over his shoulder, “Just let this one be easy for me tonight?”

“Fine,” I agreed, reopening my locker and shoving the jacket inside. “Just this once.”

“Thanks, princess.”

“How was moving your couch in?”

Jake just chuckled. “I barely touched the damn thing. The bikers took care of everything.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, they're pretty efficient when they wanna be. So, are you ever gonna spill the beans on why you're all so buddy-buddy all of a sudden?”

He glanced at me, a fleeting thing shining in his eyes before he looked down at his tie and shrugged. “There’s nothing to tell, really. I just came looking for you and they… Respected that.”

Glaring at him through narrow eyes I reached up and helped him with his tie. “Likely story.”

“You worried they'll start to like me better than you?” He teased.

“As if!” I laughed. “You're not nearly that charming.”

With a smirk, Jake leaned forward, “So how charming do you think I am?”

Humming in thought I knew the real answer. The instant, resounding too charming filled my brain for a minute before I answered. “I'd say you're a solid four.”

“Four?!” He scoffed. “I'm higher than four.”

“You certainly think so,” I replied with a wicked grin, my hands smoothing down his chest. His phone buzzed against the metal material of his locker. “I'll save you a plate, sweetie.”

Rolling his eyes he answered with a simple, “Thanks.”

Once I'd emerged from the kitchen the noise that the restaurant had been absent of, filled the space. Everyone was gathered around the wall instead of at the table eating. They whispered to one another, giggling and making suggestive faces. “What are we giggling about?”

Sasha smirked, giddily grabbing my wrist to pull me towards the wall. “We are just admiring the new painting that has graced our humble restaurant!”

The crowd parted and my heart stopped dead in my chest. There, hanging on the wall in front of me was, well, me. My portrait. My nude portrait. I felt lightheaded, my vision blurring, and the voices of everyone joking and teasing were suddenly drowned out by a loud, shrill ringing. 

It wasn't the sight of my nude body that filled me with a sense of dread. Though I still hated the sight of it - of what it had originally represented - it was the large splatter of crimson that stained the canvas that truly made my heart sink. It was the vivid and violent contrast between the soft hues of acrylic and the hard flakes of dried blood.

My brush slid along the canvas, the bright hues of blue and yellow, and lavender contrasting against the neutral skin tones of my self-portrait. I'd struggled to look at it, the fleshy rendering of my mostly nude figure. Its imperfections made me feel even more inadequate than I already did, the reference photo being one of the first that Tony had taken of me. That was his art, dressing and posing me to look perfect - to look like the beautiful and obedient woman he always said I'd grow into.

Truthfully I hadn't even considered painting something for this upcoming gala, having known well in advance they only wanted nudes or mostly sos to display. That wasn't what I painted, nor was it something I was particularly interested in doing, but Tony had insisted. So, there it was in all its hideous, imperfect glory. The portrait of a self I didn't even feel was me, but rather the hollow husk everyone else wanted. Everyone but Rada.

She peered over her shoulder, watching me paint for a moment as she cleaned the penthouse living room. The look on her face told me that she hated it as much as I did. But, she said nothing about how cold and lifeless it felt or about how she thought it in poor taste to paint a fourteen-year-old nude. Rada just kept cleaning, offering me what reassurance she could, like she always did. And like always, just knowing she was here was enough.

The elevator dinged open and Jules held Tony up, guiding him to the nearest chair and helping him get settled. It was obvious that he'd just got back from one of his benders on the flight back from France so I tried to keep my eyes to myself. Tony was never predictable per se, but he was always constant. His violence was never random, nor was it ever out of the blue. But, that changed when he got high enough.

“I'll go get the doctor, just to be certain you haven't taken too much.”

He chuckled. “Ever loyal, my dear friend. Some in the house could learn from you.”

The jab was obviously meant for me, but I kept my eyes on my painting, hoping it would spare me his anger for at least tonight. Jules exited quickly and with him gone, everything fell apart. The first noise I heard was the sound of metal clinking against the marble countertop, and the next was the bone-chilling sound of the cylinder of his revolver spinning. 

My brush froze on the canvas, ears honing into the slow steps he took toward me before he hauled me up by the hair. “Let's play a game, baby girl.”

“I…” The words struggled to find their way from my throat as my eyes caught Rada's. “I have to finish my painting for the gala tomorrow.”

“It can wait,” he insisted, throwing me back into the counter and pinning me against it.

He spun the cylinder again, a crazed grin settling on his lips as he held it to his head and pulled the trigger twice. As always, he laughed when I flinched and then forced the gun into my hand. “I don't-” His finger forced my own down onto the trigger.

The game played out like it always did until Tony's smile faltered and a rage seemed to fill his eyes. “Do you love me?”

I'd spoken the words so many times before then, but for some reason, I froze. My brain screamed at me, begging me to say it - to tell him I loved him, but deep in my heart I knew the truth. I don't love you. This isn't love. The rage spilled from his eyes, overtaking his face as he struck me hard enough to make my head hit the counter. The blow was enough to force the words out, “I do! You know I love you!”

“Is that right?” He spat, carelessly tossing the gun onto the counter and holding my head down on it. I gripped at him, searching for skin to scratch or anything to get him off me. “You didn't seem so sure just a moment ago.”

“No! I'm sure! I… I was just confused!”

“Confused?” He laughed, a sound that sent chills up my spine and made my muscles all tense. “Stupid girl. Do you even understand?” He hauled me up, holding my face in one of his hands so hard I could feel my jaw crack. “You're alive because I want you. If it weren't for me, you'd be nothing!”

“I know!” My lips trembled as I blinked back tears. “I'm nothing without you, Tony. I know that. Please…”

I prepared myself for another bout of his laughter, or another blow maybe, but neither came. Instead, I heard the cock of Tony's gun and a surprised… Annoyed sound leave his throat. “What do you think you're doing?”

“Let go of her,” Rada demanded. From the corner of my blurred vision, I could just barely see her, standing at the end of the counter pointing Tony's gun at him with slightly trembling hands. “You let her go now, or I swear on all of God's holy saints I will kill you.”

He laughed then, that deep, boisterous one that sent terror through me. Turning his head Tony smiled at me. “Seems you're not the only one that's forgotten their place.”

Through the tight grip of his hands, I begged, pleaded with him, “Please…”

With one harsh shove, my head collided with the counter enough to make my ears ring and my vision spin. I could hear his footsteps and the quiet sound of the gun's trigger being pulled.

Click.

Fear, desperate and heavy, filled my lungs and stole my breath as I scrambled to find my bearings.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Bang.

My vision cleared just in time to watch Rada collapse half on top of my painting. Blood gushed from the side of her neck, spraying across the canvas and staining the carpet. A sharp breath finally filled my lungs, yet I still found them breathless. “NO!”

I scrambled forward, pressing my hands to her neck and desperately trying to apply enough pressure to stop the bleeding. Her body shook beneath me, at least it felt that way… It could have been my own shaking. Through the sound of her gurgling breaths, I could hear Tony laughing. “L… Le…”

“Shh,” I urged. “Don't talk. Just hold on. Someone's gonna help.”

Rada smiled, tears filling her eyes as she struggled to lift a hand to lovingly brush my hair behind my ear. “My… Bea…utifil…” Blood splattered across my face as she coughed. “Da… Daugh…”

I could feel her skin grow cold as her chest stuttered and then stopped. “No! Mama please!” I sobbed, moving my hands to shake her shoulders. “Don't leave me here! Mama!”

“What's happened?” Jules’ voice cut through my screams as he burst into the room.

Tony, still laughing, waved him off. “One of the maids got a bit too bold. Don't worry, my friend, I took care of it.”

Rage filled me, rage and grief and a forever-festering desire to end it all. Chest heaving and lungs burning I stood and turned to the kitchen as Jules helped Tony back to his seat. I grabbed a knife from the counter and ran forward with a wail. Tony's eyes shined at the sight of me and the knife flying toward him as if this was what he wanted. Jules turned his head and with no hesitation, he threw himself between Tony and me.

Blood, hot and sticky, splashed my hands and face as my knife met flesh.

*

Jake glared at the message on his phone, a sense of regret and shame making him feel sick to his stomach. 

Won't be back for another day or two. - Simone

When Jake had finally worked up the courage to answer her calls on Thanksgiving morning she'd been livid. She screamed at him for being so selfish and childish and demanded he stop with his attitude and come with her. He'd held his ground, of course, but the sting of her anger always made him feel like a pathetic eight-year-old boy being scolded. Jake had said sorry. He'd texted her, checking in, he even tried to call, but she'd given him nothing in response until now.

He breathed out a frustrated breath and put his phone back in his pocket, shutting his locker and hurrying downstairs to distract himself from the weight of his feelings with food and his friends gossiping. That, however, was not what he walked into. The group gathered around one of the walls, laughing and asking questions when he approached. “The fucks everyone pissing themselves over?”

Ari shifted, revealing more of the large painting that now hung on the wall of the restaurant. Jake’s jaw dropped at the sight of a nude figure - a body he'd grown most familiar with in the past months. If he'd been unsure at all, the bold curves of her name labeling the corner of the piece erased it. Lena. 

The redhead in question stood, frozen staring up at it as Sasha talked and teased in her ear. A cold shiver crawled up his spine at the sight of her. This wasn't just some embarrassing nude portrait. This was something else. Something that made her spine stiffen and her skin lose its color. 

Jake shoved past everyone and moved between Lena and Sasha. The Russian cursed at him in the foreign language. “What the hell?”

“Fuck off Sasha!”

With a prideful scoff, he turned away, shooing the crowd. “Bossy bossy!”

“Lena,” Jake whispered, reaching out for her. His fingers barely grazed her arm before she recoiled, a quick reaction he would have missed if he'd not been paying attention. She turned and looked at him with glossy eyes and a dead expression that made his gut tighten and his heart drop. “Lena?”

With a sharp exhale and a staggering step, she was moving. She stepped around him, shoved through the crowd and across the lobby. Her body flung itself through the kitchen doors and Jake followed, not even sure if it was what she'd want. The second he entered behind her he found her hunched over the garbage, throwing up the breakfast they'd shared. The kitchen crew all made noises of disgust and Scott dropped his utensils to turn and look at the disruption. “What the hell, Red?”

Lena composed herself, wiping the spit from her mouth with a shaking hand. “S-sorry chef.”

“Are you good now?” Scott asked, his tone as harsh and uncaring as it always was, but his eyes narrowed in concern.

Isaac had dropped everything and rushed to the front of the line, held off only by her raising a hand to stop him as she shook her head. “I… Just…” She looked like she was about to puke again, but held it back. “I just need a minute.”

As she turned toward the stairs, not meeting his eyes, Jake felt his worry shift to anger. This had to be him. The Anthony that Dom had told him about. And in that moment, Jake understood Patrick's bitterness about how little he truly knew. He felt unprepared - unequipped to offer Lena any help, but even with that aching feeling, Jake followed her up the stairs. He'd be there, no matter what she needed from him, Jake would be there.

*

I knew I was moving, talking. I could feel each strained movement and hear each shaky reply. None of it registered. In my mind, I was still standing in front of that painting… Still in the penthouse living room watching my mom bleed out. I was stuck, or my mind was, reliving that moment over and over again while my body just kept moving on autopilot.

“What can we do when we feel stuck?” Dad asked.

“Keep moving.”

“Keep moving. Find something to ground you.”

“Keep moving,” I murmured to myself as I stumbled up the stairs. “Just keep moving.”

I could hear someone following me up, but I didn't stop or look back. I just had to keep going. One foot in front of the other. When I finally made it to the locker room bathroom I barely registered slamming the door shut and fumbling for the knobs of the faucet. It felt like my head was spinning with the noise and the heat and the nausea.

“Get out,” I told myself in the mirror trying to focus on my face and drown out the sound of Tony's laugh with the running water. “Get out.”

“Stupid girl. Do you even understand?”

I was going to throw up again. “Get out.”

“If it weren't for me, you'd be nothing.”

A pounding came from the door as it got harder and harder to breathe. “Get out.”

“I'm the only one that could ever love you.”

In the background, I heard the door open, but whoever was standing in it was distorted… Replaced by Tony's laughing face and his thin frame. It isn't real, I told myself, but my body was already gone. Desperate panic forced the shrill cry from my lips, “GET OUT!”

Whoever it was vanished, but the fear didn't go with them. Every inch of me shook as I scrambled to find a foothold in reality. I needed something, anything to keep me from passing out. “Find something to ground you.”

There was one thing that would keep me going. One thing I could use. I turned the cold water off and stuck my hands beneath the boiling water. The pain made everything else fade away, forcing my body to stay on its feet and pulling my mind to the present. My heart hammered in my chest and a pained cry echoed in my ears as I stared into my own reflection.

Tears stained my cheeks and my hair had tiny clumps of throw up in it. It wasn't pretty, but it was real. I was here. The door opened again and Isaac opened his mouth, obviously having prepared something to say. That something vanished as he watched the steam rise up from the sink and he realized what I was doing. He ran forward and turned the water off, switching it to cold as he looked at my red hands. “Shit!”

“I couldn't get out,” I whispered in a broken… Pathetic voice.

Isaac held me from behind, keeping my hands beneath the now-cold water as I began to shake again. The pain was gone and without it, everything else started to creep back in. “It's okay, Lena. It's okay.”

“I…” A breathless whine caught in my throat. “I can't get out.”

“You're out,” he answered. “You're here.”

“I… I…” My body lurched forward, bile spewing from my mouth as panic began to set back in.

Isaac squeezed my hands and stammered before he released me. “Okay… Fuck… Okay, I… I'm gonna call Peter.”

I shut my eyes, setting my head against the chilled sink. “Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout.”

Without even really thinking I shut the cold water off and reached for the hot water knob. Find something to ground yourself. A hand settled on top of mine as a new body settled in Isaac's place behind me, one I recognized instantly. “Stop.” 

Jake.

Standing upright I opened my eyes, I stared into his eyes through the mirror. “Can you tell me what you need?”

Clenching my jaw I shook my head as my chest stuttered with repressed sobs. “That's okay.” Jake gently pulled my arms back, crossing them over my chest and holding me tightly to his. “Can you feel my heartbeat?”

I nodded.

“Can you feel my breaths?”

I nodded again. 

“Breathe with me,” he whispered, pressing his head to mine as he quietly counted. I watched us through the mirror for a minute before I let my eyes shut. Jake's steady breaths fanned across my neck, his heart beat against my back and his warm embrace sank into my bones. It was like his whole body was speaking to mine… Telling it that there was no danger. I was safe. “That's it, just breathe, Princess. You're here. You're safe with me.”

I'm safe. I'm with Jake. Slowly my breaths began to even out and my brain felt less muddled. I'm with Jake. My body stopped shaking and eventually, all that was left was us. I'm safe.

Isaac's panicked voice echoed as he walked back towards the bathroom door. “I don't know what to do! She's… I don't even know how to explain it.”

Swallowing, I quietly asked, “Is he talking to my brother?”

“Yeah,” Jake answered. “He got worried.”

“Can you tell him I'm okay now? I…” I opened my eyes and met Jake's gaze. “I don't want Peter to come all the way down here. Please.”

“Okay.” He looked down at the sink.

“I'm good now,” I assured him. “I'm just gonna sit down for a minute.”

If it were anyone else they'd likely have fought me, but this was Jake. He knew I wasn't lying. His hold on me loosened and he carefully helped me sit on top of the toilet lid. “I'll be right back.”

While the muffled conversation carried on outside the door I just sat there, staring at my reddened hands with an empty sense of impending doom. He was here. In this restaurant. He'd hung that painting where every guest, everyone passing close enough by the windows, would be able to see it. Still, I knew it wasn't about publicly shaming me. If that were the case he would've chosen to frame one of the many photos he had of me. This was a personal message. A reminder.

“If you're going to play games, you'd best be prepared to do whatever it takes to win.” He reminded me often after that night, that Rada had played and lost. That Francois had played and lost. Everyone always lost. “They don't have the mind or the stomach to win this game of ours, baby girl. We're still the only ones even playing.”

Deep down I knew what this meant. I knew, yet I refused to think it - to breathe life into that horrifying and terrible thought. He didn't get to toy with me. He didn't get to scare me out of this life.

This life was mine. I had survived his horrors, I'd taken the blows and I'd made my choices. I had fought and bled and killed for this life. He didn't get to take that away, not now, not ever. He didn't get to win.

I wiped my eyes and forced everything back into that box deep inside me. Once my feet steadied I walked out into the locker room where Jake had taken the phone from Isaac and was trying to talk my brothers down. I held my hand out. “Let me talk to them.”

Jake watched me for a minute before he nodded, “She wants to talk to you. Here.”

“Thanks.” I held the phone to my ear, listening to Patrick in the background throwing things around in search of his shoes. “I'm fine. Just stay home and take care of the gym.”

“Fuck that!” Patrick yelled.

“Is he there?” Peter asked, his voice filled with the rage he rarely had.

Sparing a glance at Jake I answered, “No. He's not stupid enough to show up with Dom around.”

“Then what happened?”

Flashes filled my head again as I forced myself to answer. “It's just a painting, Pete.”

“Which painting?”

“One you don't have to worry about,” I bit in bitter frustration. “Just… Please don't come. Please.”

“Lena you-”

“I am fine.” I insisted coldly. “I… I just want to work, okay? Can you just let me do that?”

Peter was quiet for a moment before he asked, “Promise me you're safe?”

As if on their own, my eyes drifted to Jake again, meeting those sea-blue eyes. “I promise.”

He shouted at Patrick before speaking again. “Okay. Put Isaac back on.”

“Thank you.” I turned towards the door where Isaac stood biting his nails. “Here.”

I watched him move out of the locker room, talking to my brother for a second before I turned back to Jake. What do I say? I asked myself. He no doubt had a thousand questions, all of which would be tied up in the painting… Which was tied up in Rada and Tony and everything I didn't want him to know. So, when his mouth opened I stopped breathing. “What do you need?”

What? My brain went blank in seconds as I gaped at him. “W… Don't you have like a million questions?”

“Course I do,” he replied simply. “The most important of them being that one. So, what do you need?”

“Honestly? I… Kinda wanna just forget this ever happened.” I admitted looking down at my feet. “

“That's gonna be kinda hard with that thing hanging up out there.”

“Yeah, it is.”

He shrugged a shoulder and moved to pass me. “Gimme one minute.”

I followed him to the door. “What are you doing?”

“Just trust me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Sasha!” He hollered, heading across the hall toward the front room. “Give me a hand real quick?”

Service started before Jake came back and so I jumped into work. I used it to distract myself from obsessing over the fact that hundreds of rich assholes were out there, no doubt looking at my painting - my body. That got harder to do when Will moved me to back waiting. The first follow of my night felt like I was walking right into a lion's den. And then it suddenly wasn't. 

I didn't know what they did, all I knew was when I walked out of the kitchen and into the sea of customers, the painting was nowhere in sight. I looked at Jake as he worked behind the bar, and all the answer he offered me was a smile.

After that, the night felt a little less heavy and before I knew it we were all gathering around the bar for after shift drinks. I gave Nicky a pat on the back and smiled. “Head home Nick, I'll get it all closed up.”

“You sure?” He asked, handing me his bar rag.

“Go on,” I urged.

Jake and I worked side by side, serving drinks to each of our friends as they all mingled and began to filter out the door. It felt good to be behind the bar with him again, but whenever I looked up all I could see was that painting on the wall. Fighting that foreboding feeling was tiring and not something I wanted to spend all night doing.

“So,” Jake started cautiously as he stacked a few glasses. “Today was a lot.”

I sighed and looked down at the bartop. “Yeah… Sorry about earlier. I wasn't trying to be… I dunno, pathetic.”

“You were hardly pathetic,” he assured me.

“Thanks,” I whispered, finally looking up at him.

“For what?”

“Grounding me.” Suddenly shy beneath his gaze I looked away. “I have a hard time coming out of episodes like that and you… You made it less shitty. A lot less shitty. So, thank you.”

His fingers combed through my hair as he brushed it behind my ear. “No problem, Princess.”

“Let's get drunk tonight.”

With a smirk, he asked, “You think that'll help?”

“Can't hurt to try.” I shrugged, repeating the words he'd told me. “Besides, I kinda want you to be all over me again.”

Jake's smirk grew wider, turning to pull my body into his. “Like this?”

I nodded, happily drinking in the warmth and the smell of him. “Yeah. Like that.”

“Come on then,” he answered, tugging me out from behind the bar and throwing his jacket around my shoulders. “Let's go.”

*

Jake watched Lena dance from the bar as he nursed his first and likely only drink for the night. She'd been drinking steadily since they arrived, though no one seemed to want to discourage her from it. Peter and Patrick had told Dom shortly after Lena had talked them out of coming and so he and the bikers were nowhere in sight. Whether that was something to worry about or not, he didn't know.

At first, he'd considered talking to the brothers about the whole situation, but Patrick had just given him a shake of his head and nodded to Lena. A reminder that everything - or almost everything - they did was on her terms. They'd discuss it when she was ready to. She'll never be ready to, he told himself.

Lena was strong and stubborn. In those first months, he'd thought she was fearless. The longer he spent with her - with everyone - the more he realized that no one was truly unafraid. Everyone feared something and that was okay… It was normal to be afraid. Fear often meant that you cared about something outside of yourself. But, Lena's fear was something entirely different. Her fear was intertwined with her anger and her sorrow. So much of her was packed into the threads she refused to acknowledge let alone pull on. 

So, she'd keep drinking and dancing and moving forward. She'd leave seeing that painting in the restaurant as buried as whatever memory it was tied to. And, though his stomach twisted into knots at the thought of leaving her panic attack in the bathroom unresolved, Jake would let her have this. He had to.

After an hour he excused himself outside, not bothering to take the alley to the couch while the bikers had vacated their spot out front of the bar. He grabbed his jacket from Lena's seat and fished out his cigarettes and his lighter, moving to pull one out when he looked up and saw Quinn. She was boxed up against the wall outside by an older, angry-looking man - her father if he had to guess. From the door, Jake could see the tears building in her eyes as he screamed at her and grabbed her arms to shake her. His jaw clenched and his feet carried him toward her. “Hey!”

“Jake-” she tried to interrupt.

He ignored her, shoving the man's filthy hands off Quinn and occupying the spot in front of her. “Get the fuck out of here.”

Her dad laughed. “You’re a real tough guy, huh? Do you know who the fuck I am?”

“Don't care.” Jake shoved him again when he tried to get up in his face. 

“You're gonna regret this,” he said, spitting at Jake's feet as he glared at Quinn and slunk back into the night mumbling and grumbling curses and threats under his breath.

He waited until the man had vanished around the corner to turn to Quinn. She was closed off, almost angry as she huffed, “You didn't have to do that.”

“I know,” Jake answered, lighting his cigarette. He took a drag before wordlessly offering it to her. Quinn accepted and smoked in silence alongside him. “So, that's your dad?”

“Yep.”

“Seems like a real charmer.”

She sighed. “Yeah.”

Jake recognized the look in her eyes, that painful anger. “I never knew my dad, but he probably wasn't too different from your old man.”

“It sucks, right?” she asked, looking up at him. “Being so… Unimportant to someone that's supposed to love you.”

“Yeah, it does,” he earnestly replied. “But, we've got other people, you know… Better people.”

“I know,” she whispered. “That's different though.”

With a solemn nod, he agreed, “I know it is.”

“Thanks,” she said, clearing her throat. “For the smoke.”

“No problem. And, if he shows up again or bothers you or whatever, just call me and I'll come take care of it.”

“You don't have to worry about me,” Quinn insisted with a sad look.

It was a simple, sad sentence, one Jake had used countless times before. He knew the ugly truth that hid behind the words. I don't want to be weak. Weak. It was laughable to think anyone found Quinn weak. In all the time he'd known her, she was nothing short of sassy, strong, and confident. Yet, here, on the side of the street, Quinn looked small.

She must've felt small too, the way she kept glancing at him with that fearful hint of shame. Jake felt a few things swirl around in his chest. Anger that her shitty dad made her feel like this small and unimportant. Sad that her shitty dad made her feel unloved. But the strongest among them was a new, blinding need to protect her. Jake wanted to make sure Quinn never felt that way ever again and it was frightening for a moment. However scared he was of this new responsible feeling, he quickly decided that he didn't care.

He didn't care how scared he was, he knew Quinn and he knew that she deserved the same kind of family that she'd given him with her persistence and her meddling. “Yeah, but what kinda big brother would I be if I didn't.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at him and breathed out a soft laugh. “I…I've never had a big brother before.”

“I've never been one before,” he replied, looking anywhere but her face. “Guess it'll be something new for both of us.”

Quinn nodded, and without another word, she stepped forward and hugged him. “Well, just for the record, I can't think of a better idiot to be my big brother.”

He held her close, letting the words fill him with pride. “I have my smart moments.”

They held each other for a moment longer, both holding onto that feeling of family that neither of them had known - at least not like this. Then Quinn pulled away, wiping her eyes. “We should get back inside.”

“Yeah, we should.” He replied, following her with a steady arm around her shoulder.

*

I downed the shot in one quick motion, shaking off the burning tingling feeling that engulfed my face after. It felt nice to forget. The tingling was all I could really focus on… Well, the only other thing I could focus on.

Jake had been cool and collected all day. He'd handled the painting, the panic attack, and everything else seemingly with ease. While I made quick work of every drink Ian made, he slowly drank his beer and watched me with amusement. It reminded me of the last time I'd gotten wasted, what little of it I could remember.

Want. No matter how much I drank or how much I kept putting the big shit off, the want never lessened. As I watched Jake with that stoic face of his, all I could think about were those heated moments between us. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to do all of them again. So, with a wide, drunken grin I took hold of his hand and started pulling him through the crowd. “Come on!”

He chuckled but let me drag him to the back hall next to the bathrooms. “You gonna hurl?”

“No,” I giggled, stumbling into his chest. “I wanna kiss you!”

“Yeah? And we had to come over here to do that?”

“I'm not gonna make out with you in front of my dad!” I replied in a giddy, hushed whisper. “Do you wanna kiss or not?”

Jake stepped forward, backing me into the wall, his hands landing on my hips as I stared up at him in awe. “I always wanna kiss you, princess.”

With a satisfied hum, I gripped his shirt and pulled him towards me. “Good.”

In the dimly lit hallway surrounded by noise and bodies somehow in my mind, it was just the two of us. Jake's lips moved in time with my own, our hands grabbing at one another with a furious need to somehow be closer. The slight buzz of the alcohol made my head feel light and erased all of the lingering unknowns from my mind entirely. It was that mix that made me feel bold enough to touch Jake exactly how I wanted to.

I palmed him through his jeans, swallowing every moan until he pulled away from my lips with a groan. He squeezed my hips, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. “Fuck.”

Smiling, I leaned forward and kissed his neck. “You're so pretty.”

“If you were sober I…” He groaned again as my teeth scraped his Adam's apple.

“You'd what?”

Jake looked down at me and shook his head, hands leaving my hips to take hold of my face. “I'd do a lot of things.”

“Sounds fun. Would I like it?”

“Definitely,” he whispered.

I smirked. “How do you know?”

Bumping our noses together Jake shrugged, “I have it on good authority I excel at the art of pleasure.”

“Hmm,” I hummed playfully, “I think you're just overconfident.”

“I'll just have to give you a private demonstration.” He sighed against my lips, amused and frustrated all at once. “When you're sober.”

“When I’m sober,” I repeated, pressing another kiss to his lips. “Raincheck?”

He chuckled. “Raincheck.”

“We can still make out though, right?”

“Absolutely,” he answered, pressing me back into the wall and wasting no time reconnecting our lips.

It wasn't until Patrick rounded the corner and quickly covered his eyes with a disgruntled groan. “God, can a man use the toilet without havin' to see his sister doing… that?”

With haste, Jake and I fixed our clothes and bashfully leaned against the wall. “Sorry, Pat.”

He walked past us, shaking his head. “I don't wanna see none of that when I walk back out. Get a room or something.”

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and too many shots, but it was good. As we played our shitty drinking games and teased one another I was blissfully content. All thoughts of the restaurant, the painting, Rada, Tony… It was pushed so far into the back of my mind that it was nothing more than a blurry memory.

As Jake walked Quinn and me to my apartment I noticed how relaxed she seemed. Even in my slightly drunk state, I recognized how the tension seemed to have lifted from her shoulders as she walked beside Jake with a smile. She felt safe with him and it made my chest feel warm and fuzzy. When we reached my door, she turned and hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he replied, awkwardly patting her head. “I mean it.”

“I know.”

Giving them both a fond look I pressed one last kiss to Jake's lips. “Goodnight, tough guy. Try not to get beat up on your way home.”

He chuckled. “I'll do my best.”

“Tell our cat goodnight from me!”

“Goodnight, Lena,” he hollered as he walked down the sidewalk.

Inside Quinn and I flopped onto my bed, both tossing and turning, fighting over the blanket to try and get comfortable. “Hey,” I whispered as we both finally settled. “What happened tonight?”

She snuggled into the pillow and shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Lee.”

“Quinn-”

“Seriously,” she replied quickly, a smile tugging at her lips. “My big brother took care of it.”

Even in my inebriated state, I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. The answer was clear. I smiled and closed my eyes. “Jake’s good at that.”

“Yeah, he is.”

*

Jake stood in front of the bar, watching the workers closely as they situated the lights. Mr. Hiragana and I walked through the space of the new restaurant, now finally cleared of garbage and wreckage. It looked bigger than it had, but that might've just been how the fixed walls and proper lighting made it feel. “So,” the man beside me began, “I assume you and your colleagues have discussed the design of the space?”

“We have,” I answered, again glancing at Jake. “Scott doesn't care either way, so long as the kitchen is big enough with new appliances. Jake wanted full control of the bar.” With a smile, I handed him the simple sketches I’d done. “And you know me, I'm the one with the vision.”

“Of course,” he agreed, eyes carefully looking over the pages with a smile. “Your visions never cease to amaze me, little fish.”

Nudging him with my elbow I smiled. “So, you think it's doable?”

“It is fairly simple.” Handing the papers to the lead on the project they exchanged a few words before he patted my hand and looked around the room. “This will be the pride of the city when all is said and done.”

“That's ambitious,” I said with a laugh. “The big apples got a lot of gems.”

Nodding Mr. Hiragana said again, “And this will be one of them.”

With a tilt of my head and a soft smile, I squeezed his hand. “Were you always this optimistic?”

“Only after I met you,” he replied, squeezing my hand back. 

“Was I ever this optimistic?” A sad feeling took root in my chest as I looked around at the clean slate. “It feels like so long ago that I had something like this… A dream.”

Mr. Hiragana nodded, his thoughtful eyes never leaving my face as he answered, “You have been through much these years we have been apart. You have changed… Grown not only in body but in mind. The little fish I met at that hotel so many years ago is not the same one that stands before me now. You have known sorrow, fear, loss.” With a proud gleam in his eyes, he nodded more assuredly. “And in spite of it all, you have survived. It is normal to lose one's optimism after such a trying journey. But, one day you will find it again.”

“You've grown wiser in our time apart,” I deduced.

With a deep laugh, he shook his head. “In some ways, I suppose. All that live to be my age have some wisdom to depart onto younger ears.” With a glance at Jake, he smirked. “Though, some of that wisdom is repeated words said by a much wiser voice than mine.”

“How do you mean?”

“Slowly, then all at once.” His words made everything still as Rada's bright smile and tender kiss on my head warmed me. Mr. Hiragana smiled again. “This is what she always said when encouraging you to follow your heart, yes?”

My eyes drifted towards the bar where Jake paced behind the wooden bartop. His eyes darted back and forth, memorizing the space he'd claimed as his and visualizing whatever it was his mind had thought up for it. For a split second, it was like I too could see that bright image he had in his head. A bar with soft lights and glittering bottles, pictures of everyone that mattered littering the wall behind it. A place that felt lavish and expensive without being so snooty and uptight. A place to feel at home. 

Then that all vanished as his head turned and those blue eyes pierced mine. The vision faded from his mind, replaced by another… Less focused one. That wicked gleam shined like the sun over water as his tongue darted out to wet his lips and his eyes lazily moved down the length of me. Sinful. That was the only word I knew that properly described him as I broke eye contact with him and cleared my throat.

“Thank you.” I looked back up at him, ignoring the knowing look he gave me in return, and bowed my head. “For helping me find my way.”

He bowed his head in return. “You have always known your way, Little Fish. I have simply reminded you of it.”

I glanced at the time and bowed again. “We should be going.”

“I look forward to our next meeting.” He squeezed my hand one last time. “They would be proud of you.”

After leaving the crew behind to work on the building Jake and I headed to work. We made small talk about the progress of the restaurant, a subject Jake was still clearly uncomfortable with. “Mr. Hiragana says we'll probably be able to open before next years up.”

Jake stiffly nodded, eyes still staring straight ahead. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” I answered, watching him carefully. “So, how are you feeling about the whole thing?”

“Fine.”

I reached out and stopped him mid-step, my hand carefully laying on his arm and encouraging him to look at me. “Jake.”

He shook his head and sighed, “I feel fine. Excited… But… It's… It's just a lot and it's complicated.”

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked with a tender tilt of my head.

“No, I don't think so.”

I shrugged. “Well, I give you full permission to be an asshole about restaurant shit while you figure it out. That help?”

Jake chuckled, visibly pleased with the idea of an asshole pass. “Maybe a little.”

“Good,” I beamed back as the heavy cloud of tension dissipated and the rest of our walk felt normal again. It wasn't until we entered 22West that the weight of everything came crashing down over me all over again.

A new painting hung on the wall, not one nearly as painful to look at, but another all the same. The light blues of the waves gradually faded into black as the painting shifted focus from the boat - my mother's boat - to the nothingness that lurked beneath the water. My heart dropped into my stomach, twisting and tightening until it was nothing more than a ball of iron filling my stomach with dread.

*

The clinking of silverware felt louder that family meal than any other, at least it did to Jake. He sat next to Lena, whose eyes hadn't left the painting since they'd arrived. It was a simple image of a boat and the ocean depths, but he knew what it really meant to her… Some of it anyway. As his eyes passed between the painting and Lena's emotionless face, Jake wanted nothing more than to ask the question that hung on the tip of his tongue.

Why does this make you feel so afraid? 

His best and only guess was that it had something to do with Anthony… Something to do with the three years that Lena tried her damnedest to never focus on. But, in that curious, protective way of his, Jake wanted to know more. He wanted to understand the situation fully so he could at least make an attempt to lessen the impact of it.

They had been the only two that hadn't already gotten dressed in those hideous shirts, having been late to oversee things at the new restaurant space, and as they changed in the quiet of an empty locker room Jake felt relieved no one else was here. The apprehensive, almost avoidant air around Lena never once lifted as he turned to look at her. “You okay?”

She didn't even glance at him when she answered, “It's just… A lot…”

He found it ironic that her words – her feelings mirrored his so perfectly. Any other time it would have made him chuckle, but right now all he wanted was to make her feel better. The panic in her voice as she screamed at him to get out the other day had made him feel physically sick. Seeing her using pain to somehow try to ignore the memories made him feel even worse. Jake wanted - needed - to help her.

“So take it out on me,” Jake suggested, her words from their walk circling around in his head as he closed his locker.

“What?”

“All that shit you're holding onto, take some of it out on me.”

“I'm not gonna do that.”

“Why not?” He asked with a hopeful smirk. “Like me too much?”

“Less and less each minute,” she weakly joked.

“Let's play a game,” he offered. “We go back in time tonight to before we became friends. I'll be my charming self and you can be a bitch.”

“Jake…”

Pushing himself off his locker he chuckled. “Oh come on, princess. Have some fun. Play a game with me.”

Shaking her head Lena finally nodded. “Alright, fine, I'll play.”

Jake smirked down at her. “See ya downstairs, Lana.”

“See ya, jerk.”

Tonight was gonna be fun.

*

“Behind,” Jake deadpanned for the third time tonight, the mischievous glow in his eyes the only thing giving away his true emotions. “Watch where you're standing, Lana.”

He’d been purposefully waiting until I’d stepped up behind him to turn directly into me and pretend to be annoyed. Part of his “game”. I'd been skeptical of his plan and it’d taken me a minute to adjust to the amped-up brand of his usual asshole behaviors, but once I did I actually found the whole thing… Fun… “Watch where you're walking, jerk.”

Jake slid out of the kitchen with nothing more than a smile. Everyone around us looked confused, but shocking none of them said a word. Isaac and Scott gave me the occasional questioning look, likely expecting me to explain it later. I didn't care about any of that though. I didn't care about the new painting or the past it dug up. I didn't care about Tony's obvious involvement. All I cared about was thinking up a new snarky comment to hit Jake with the next time I saw him.

I continued to switch between line and dish before moving to help restock the bar. Jake saw me the second I left the kitchen with the two bottles in my hand and slid to stand in the middle of the bar space, shaking his cocktail. “Sorry, I need the room.”

“Idiot,” I mumbled under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear me as I pressed my chest up against his back to slide past him. “Good thing for you I don't mind getting up close and personal.”

“Lucky me,” he replied, pursing his lips as he watched me bend over to grab the now-empty rack for the glasses. 

He slid the drink to the guest who had ordered it and quickly turned, putting his body directly behind mine so I'd run into him when I stood up. I played into his hand and with an exaggerated eye roll I mimicked his words, “Behind.”

“Sorry,” he taunted. “I was just admiring the view.”

“I'm just surprised you have the time to admire anyone else's ass when you're so obviously in love with your own.”

Chuckling he let me pass. “I assure you, an ass like yours puts mine to shame, princess.”

“How flattering,” I deadpanned. “Save some of that charm for the people dumb enough to pay you, pretty boy.”

The night dragged on, but I hardly noticed how long it really was. Once the guests had vacated the dining room everyone drank themselves into a better mood. Nicky left early, leaving Jake and me to close the bar down. Next to me, Jake finished counting his tips with a click of his tongue, “Only four hundred tonight.”

“Well,” I sarcastically remarked, putting a bottle back in place. “Looks like tonight's gonna be a big fat bust. If only there was a way you could salvage your wounded ego.”

“Wanna know what I think?” He asked, ignoring my taunt as he side-eyed me. He poured Heather's drink into a to-go cup with a thoughtful grin.

“Desperately,” I answered in that slightly mocking tone he was known for.

Jake slid the cup to her and watched the group start to leave. “I think I should snag us some food from the kitchen while you grab a bottle from the wine cellar,” he turned and looked me up and down, reminiscent of how he had in the beginning. “Then we meet at my place in a half hour.”

The look in his eyes told me exactly what his words didn't, but I still wanted to hear him say it. With a coy smile and a tiny step too close, I asked in a light, teasing tone, “Like a date?”

“If that's what you wanna call it,” he replied just as teasing, but both of us could pick out the genuine nature in each other's words.

My heart did a flip inside. For the first time since the painting had arrived 22West felt like it should. It felt like just another space, one I didn't feel paranoid or anxious in. Jake was there, standing in front of me, inviting me to spend the night with him… Inviting me to forget about anything and everything else. Mr. Hiragana’s words - Rada’s words - echoed in my mind. “Slowly, then all at once.”

“It’s a date then,” I answered, a sudden hopefulness, or maybe blind courage, refusing to let old fears rob me of this - of anything else with Jake.

That cocky grin of his made me roll my eyes as he kept up the persona of that asshole-ish self we’d be toying around with all through service. “See you there, Princess.”

“Don’t get too cocky, pretty boy, or I’ll stand you up.”

Jake chuckled and shook his head. “No, you won’t.”

God this shouldn’t be so fun. “Won’t I?”

He bent his head down, crowding my space and letting his eyes shamelessly roam down to my cleavage. “You want this too bad to stand me up.”

I replied through the feeling of heat rising up my neck. “You seem confident about that.”

“I am confident,” he answered, tugging his lower lip between his teeth for a moment. “That’s the point of this game, isn’t it? We pretend to be the assholes we were to each other when we first met so we can finally just say what we really mean?”

Though I hadn’t seen the game that way before, it clicked the second Jake had said it. Everything that had happened the past few days… Thanksgiving, the bar, tonight, one thing after another after another after another all getting in the way of what I, we, wanted and dreaded more than anything. The conversation. The admittance. The game had given me - given us both - the courage to just come out with it, to commit once and for all to an action. A date. “You’re right.”

Jake smirked even wider, cocky and dickish as he leaned in closer, tilting his head ever so slightly in that smart-ass kind of way. “Am I?”

“Don’t ruin it.” I carefully pushed against his chest and took a step back. “Now, excuse me. I have an expensive bottle to steal.”

“That’s my girl,” he muttered, just low enough that I couldn’t be totally sure he’d even said it. He watched me turn and walk away, the burning feeling of his eyes on me only making my heart beat faster in my chest.

Down in the chilled wine cellar, I stood, staring at the shelves, as my mind caught up with my body. A date. Holy shit. This is a date. I glanced down at my plain attire and shook my head. “Nope.” Digging my phone out of my pocket I moved forward, scanning the bottles on the shelves as the line rang.

“Hello?” Quinn sang into the phone.

“Where are you?”

“Wow, not even a hi, how’s it going?”

“Quinn, no time!” I replied, hurriedly. “I need an outfit.”

She made a curious noise over the phone. “What for?”

“I…” A stupid gin made my cheeks burn as I answered, “I have a date.”

“Are you two finally calling your one on one time, a date?” Quinn inquired with a light teasing tone. “How bold of you.”

“Shut up, do you have something I can wear or not?”

With a sigh, I could hear her as she started flipping through her rack of clothes. “If you want my professional opinion, showing up in nothing at all would be your best option.”

Rolling my eyes I finally found the bottle I'd been searching for. “Quinn…”

“Fiiinnee, I've got a few options. See you in ten?”

“Sounds good, thank you!”

“Det-”

“Details as payment, I know Q.”

Bottle in hand I hurried up the stairs, saying goodnight to the dish crew as they finished changing and headed out into the chilled air. My steps felt both lighter and heavier as I walked beneath the neon lights and moved around the slow crowds. I tried not to focus on what this meant… On the obvious expectation that both Jake and I had at this point, but that was practically impossible.

We'd already done everything else, a fact everyone was keen on reminding us. We'd kissed and touched and whispered heated words. Jake and I were far past any normal friendship. We had been for a while. Yet, there we were using games to commit to an actual date. There we were coming up with some kind of excuse to meet at his apartment where things were bound to go a very specific way.

Are we even going to get to open this bottle? I wondered, nails picking at the fancy label. Or is he going to just kiss me the second I walk in? The vivid and tantalizing image of him pulling me into his apartment and pressing me into his front door filled my brain. Am I going to be able to not kiss him first? Another valid question.

Quinn's apartment wasn't far from Ozzy's or the club. She lived a few blocks up the way in a modest one-bedroom place she'd busted her ass to afford back in the day. The old, sun-faded brick shifted to peeling wallpaper as I made my way inside and up the creaking staircase to the third floor. The second door down the hallway, the only door not decorated with scuff marks from people's shoes. 

Ari was waiting to open the door with a wide smirk. “TIGER!” She purred, pulling me inside the dimly lit warm space and pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I heard you have a daaaaattteeee.”

Quinn's apartment was always in some state of chaos. Shoes were tossed around, blankets hung off of every soft surface and her makeup and hair supplies were scattered around her place like hidden gems. She liked it this way, liked the way it made things feel crowded and lived in. Having grown up with nothing Quinn collected things and held them close like a slutty magpie.

The warm lights from her lamps lit up the living space, where it appeared I'd interrupted a dinner date. Quinn emerged from her bedroom to the left and helped peel Ari off me with a loving look and teasing in her eyes. “It's not a big deal remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Ari giggled. “Just two friends hanging out late into the night.”

“You two are the worst,” I grumbled, setting the bottle down on Quinn's counter. “So, any good choices?”

With an offended look, Quinn waved me into her bedroom. “As if you need to ask.”

Ari looked at the bottle with wide eyes and a huge grin. “Thief!” She gasped. “I love you!”

“Don't open it,” I called out to her. “If there's any left tomorrow I'll bring it up to you guys.”

Quinn's eyes widened and she practically vibrated as she hopped onto her bed among the outfits she'd pulled from her closet. “Is this gonna be an overnight date?”

“Maybe,” I answered, trying not to let my excitement or my terror change my voice.

“Oh my god, are you gonna let him take your V card?”

I nudged her leg, almost sending her off the bed. “My V card's been gone for a while Q.”

She shook her head. “It's been over a year since that cards gotten punched in. It counts.”

“Outfits,” I sighed, changing the subject.

“Well now that I know it's a slumber party,” she rummaged through her pile of clothes and pulled out a little black dress. “This is what you're wearing.”

“I don't get to try anything else on?”

“Nope!”

With a groan, I grabbed the dress from out of her hands and stomped out of her room towards the bathroom. “Why did I even ask for your help?”

“Because I'm the best!” Was her loudly overjoyed reply.

Once I'd closed myself into the small bathroom with old checkered floor tiling and the tiny pink sink I looked at the dress she'd chosen. It wasn't ugly or too gaudy. It was simple, black silk with a modest hem of lace around the top and bottom. The spaghetti straps were thin, but I was just thankful there were straps at all… Or a dress at all for that matter.

I took my time sliding it on, stuffing my bra and other clothes under the sink until I could come back and get them. In Quinn's mirror, I fluffed my hair and fixed my makeup, trying to focus on the excited feeling in my chest instead of the anxious ball in my stomach. This isn't a big deal. It's just Jake. 

Just Jake… As if that had ever been true.

Unveiling the dress to Quinn and Ari resulted in the two catcalling me for five minutes. “God damn!”

“It's about time you let those girls out to play again!” Ari laughed, looking at my boobs. “No bra too? Jakey's a lucky boy tonight!”

“I'm leaving my clothes under your sink,” I told Quinn as I gathered my things and grabbed the bottle off the counter. “Thanks for the dress!”

“No problem! Have fun being a slut tonight!”

Flipping her off I left the apartment, trying to calm my nerves with each step forward. It wasn't a big deal. It was just Jake. This was just a date.

*

Jake had spent a solid ten minutes meticulously opening and cleaning each of the oysters he'd grabbed from the kitchen. He'd found a niceish plate to put them on and shooed his cat off the counter. Then he'd started truly freaking out.

Lena was on her way with whatever bottle she'd grabbed. They'd drink, eat, and then the inevitable would happen. They’d share a look. He'd touch her or she'd touch him and from there they'd be unable to stop themselves from checking off their list of rainchecks all in one go.

He turned on a movie, the first movie his hands could find, and he cleaned. It wasn't really an effective way to keep his mind off the possibilities that were at this point all but certainties, but he still did it. Maybe it was, to keep his hands busy or maybe he just felt self-conscious about Lena returning to his space.

By the time she knocked on his door, everything was clean and ready. Everything except for him. Do we continue our game? He asked himself, hand hovering over the doorknob. Would that make things easier or would that just make me seem like an asshole?

Opening the door he came face to face with her fluffy red hair and tempting lips and… Fucking hell. The little black dress she wore hugged her body in all the right places, showing off her lean shoulders and peaked nipples. He hadn't expected her to change. Lena smiled, that nervous smile that made the corners of her lips twitch and held up the bottle. “I hope you like champagne.”

Say something. Anything. And say something he did. “You're late.”

Asshole it is I guess.

Thankfully Lena just rolled her eyes and leaned against his doorframe. “Aw, did I keep you waiting?”

“A little,” he said, clearing his throat as he moved to let her in. “It’s been a damn chore keeping this cat off the oysters.”

As if Jake had bribed him to, Hemingway made a not-so-sneaky break for the plate on the counter. Jake jumped, intercepting him just in time. The cat hissed and angrily swatted Jake's arms as he carried him to the sofa. From his kitchen, Lena laughed. “I'm sorry. If I'd have known you were in a heated standoff with the cat I would have hurried.”

He shrugged his shoulders, casually making his way back to the kitchen. “So, champagne?”

“One of the more expensive bottles of it,” she promised, handing the bottle to him for inspection. 

Jake barely looked at it, focusing more on her. She looked nervous, but the good kind. The kind that told him she was comfortable being here on this date with him. That was all he could ask for - all he wanted. He'd only take the night as far as she was comfortable with, but judging by the look in her eyes Jake was confident she wanted things to go the same way he did.

So, he grabbed a pair of his shitty glasses from the cupboard and started to open the bottle. She arched her brow. “Not even gonna look at it?”

“I trust your taste in drinks.”

“Even after I gave you nothing but shitty ones that one night?”

Jake chuckled, popping the cork and nodding at her. “Even after that.” He poured her a glass and slid the plate of oysters between them. “So, how’s Quinn?”

Lena blushed, glancing down at her dress. “Was it that obvious?”

“Mhm,” he replied. “I've seen Quinn dress you up enough times to recognize her work.”

“Well, what do you think?” She asked, taking a step back and raising her arms to give him a full view of her.

What did he think? As if she didn't already know every single thought ran through his head. Jake could have voiced any of the lewd things - god knew he'd done that thousands of times before - but instead he found himself answering more sincerely, “I think you look perfect.”

*

My question had been simple, given how well I knew Jake and how his dirty mind worked. It was simple. Ask an obvious question about the very sultry dress Quinn had given me and received an equally obvious dirty response. Simple. Casual. And not at all what Jake said.

“I think you look perfect.”

Perfect. That wasn't a word I was used to hearing, especially when it came to me. Yet this would mark - at least - the second time Jake had used it. Butterflies filled my stomach, filling me with that fuzzy feeling of warm tingles. If it had been anyone else using that word I would have known exactly how to respond. Bullshit. But, I knew he meant it. The look in his eyes, the hint of a real smile, the way he looked just as surprised as I did.

Jake thought I looked perfect.

“So, how do you like your new TV?” I asked turning my now blushing face away from him to look at the bright screen where Egon and the rest of the Ghostbusters were quietly playing out their scenes. My face burned even hotter as I remembered Halloween… Remembered how good Jake had looked dressed as Egon. Maybe he still has that costume?  “Ghostbusters?”

“It's a good movie,” he defended, but the wicked gleam in his eye told me he was thinking the same as me.

Smirking, I shrugged. “Woulda thought you'd turn on Romeo and Juliet.”

With a smirk, Jake nodded, “Also a good movie.”

I used the heated tension humming between us as an opportunity to take the first oyster. The salty taste washed over my tongue as I examined the slightly shiny shell in my hand. “So, what's your plan, pretty boy?”

“Am I supposed to have a plan?” He asked with a chuckle.

“I mean I'd think so, after your very confident invitation at work.”

Jake shrugged, taking a moment to enjoy an oyster. “Honestly, I just wanted to be around you.”

“You couldn't be around me at Ozzy's?”

“Okay… I wanted to be around you alone. That better?”

I hummed, beaming at his admission. “Yep.”

He rolled his eyes, casually pushing the plate out of Hemingway's reach. “Don't sound so smug, princess. You were dying to come be alone with me.”

“Hardly!” I argued - lied.

Jake stepped around the counter, placing his body flush up against my own and giving me that look. “Hardly? So you don't want me to do this?”

His fingers skimmed up my exposed thigh, dragging the lace hem of the dress up. I gulped, my eyes shifting to his lips without a second thought. “I want you to do whatever you wanna do.”

“Oh, come on, princess. You can do better than that.”

Fuck it. “I… want you… To kiss me.”

He lifted his hand, fingers grazing the side of my neck as he carefully tilted my head up even more. Our lips brushed against each other, a sigh of anticipation hot on our mingled breaths, and then… Darkness.

The lights cut out, casting Jake and me in complete darkness. Outside horns honked and the chaos told us both that the block - hell maybe even the city, had just shared our experience. Jake’s hands drifted to my shoulders, holding onto me for a moment as he adjusted to the dark. “Of fucking course.”

I swallowed my disappointment and forced a chuckle out of my dry throat. “Don’t suppose you've got any candles on hand?”

“I think I have a few,” he answered. “Let me get a lighter or something.”

Jake stumbled around in the dark until he reached his jacket, pulling the cigarettes and lighter out. The flame did little to light the room, but after a minute of searching his bare cupboards, he found what little he had in candles. I could see the tension in his shoulders almost as clearly as the sour purse of his lips. “Hopefully it's not the whole city.”

“Yeah.” He answered through clenched teeth as handed me the lighter. “I'm gonna go see if anyone outside knows what's going on.”

“Okay,” I replied, watching him go. “I'll light these I guess.”

I stared into the flame as I held the lighter to the wick of the candle and let out a defeated sigh. It's always something. Betting lesbians, a money-hungry Russian, the past, the future… Maybe it was a sign. Maybe the universe in its infinite wisdom was trying to tell us we weren't good together.

The wax dripped over the edge of the candle as I held the light to it. “Bullshit.”

Fuck the universe, I decided. Fuck the past or the future. Fuck everything that tries to tell me what I want.

I wanted Jake. Physically, romantically, in any and every way that he would have me. I wanted him. And tonight was going to be the night whether the city or the universe liked it or not.

I carefully lit the remaining candles, illuminating his apartment just enough to see the outline of his furniture. As I set the last down on the counter I leaned over to give Hemingway a reassuring pat, all the while trying to hold onto the newfound courage making my stomach twist into knots. “It's alright.”

The cat seemed to release some of his tension, using my distracted state to snag an oyster and take shelter in the bathroom where he decided to hide in Jake's open laundry bin. As I quietly chuckled at the way the tips of his ears poked out of the top, and the ferocious noises he made dining on his stolen meal, the apartment door opened and slammed shut as Jake returned. With a silent curse, he threw his jacket and shoes off to the side. “Well, nobody knows shit, but everyone's expecting the power to be out for the rest of the night at least.”

“Damn,” I remarked, trying not to talk myself out of taking action. “Right when your plan was just starting to work.”

It was a flirtatious little taunt, wholeheartedly meant to shift Jake’s focus from the unexpected interruption and back to the fact that we'd been on the verge of a kiss when the lights went out. Sadly, that didn't happen. Instead, Jake continued to grumble, scouring his shelf for a pack of cigarettes and then his lighter, which I still held. “Damn, where the fuck did it go?”

I watched him search for a minute before holding up the object he sought with a smug smirk. “Looking for this?”

He turned to look at me, face set in a grumpy scowl as he lifted the candle off the coffee table and held the flame to the end of his cigarette, lighting it. “Nope.”

“Suit yourself,” I replied, bothered as I set the lighter down on the counter. “Now what?”

Flopping down on his couch Jake laughed humorlessly. “I don't have any board games we can play if that's what you're hoping for.”

“I’m sure we can think of something more interesting to do than play a board game.” Hint. Hint.

Jake rolled his eyes gesturing to the darkened apartment. “You're welcome to look around for something to do.”

DO ME! I wanted to shout at him. My eyes scanned the shelves, looking for something that could lighten Jake's pissy mood and somehow salvage the night. “Where's your camera?” I asked. “We could take some more pictures.”

“In case you didn't notice, we don't exactly have the best lighting for that,” he snarkily replied.

“So you wanna just sit in the dark and do nothing?”

“I'm doing something,” he answered, lifting up his cigarette.

“Well, maybe I wanna do more than sit and smoke.” Jake ignored my statement, staring at the wall in front of him with a bitter, disappointed look on his face. “Really? You gonna ignore me now?”

He glanced at me and shrugged. “You're more than welcome to find something to do.”

Idiot. After a moment of watching the angry puffs of smoke exhale from his lungs I pushed myself away from the counter and flopped down on the couch beside him with a frustrated sigh. Jake's eyes lowered to watch my boobs bounce with the movement. Of course, that'd be what cheers him up. “You know most people would be more concerned with entertaining their guests.”

It was like a light finally flicked on in his brain and with a suggestive raise of his brows and a not at all subtle smirk, Jake and I were back on the same page. Only now I felt like making him work for it.

"Oh, you want some attention?" He took another long drag of the cigarette, slowly sliding closer to me, closing the space between us. He was right there, just a head tilt away from my lips. He timed his head down, seeking me out, expecting me to make it easy.

“You're insufferable." I leaned back, crossing my arms - pressing my breasts up to really catch his attention. He breathed smoke out across my face with a light laugh and a smirk. 

"You like it," he whispered, our noses bumping one another.

"This isn't something friends usually do," I said quietly, smugly. Resuming the game we had earlier, the game meant to make this easier, and now the game that I'd use to torture him.

Jake was more smug as he grinned back at me, his eyes dark with lust and sin that would put even the devil to shame. "Yeah, well, I don't want to be your fucking friend." For a split second that something real flashed in his eyes, a fleeting feeling or thought he didn't dare let himself hold onto for too long.

I sighed, that same wave of reality washing over me, forcing my heart to beat quicker and my mind to race with doubt. Moving my head back a little more I whispered the thought, the fear that had kept us from committing to this all along, "This is a bad idea."

He nodded, not in agreement, but in acknowledgment that this was the very fear he shared. Adam's apple bobbing, Jake's eyes dropped to my lips as he sighed, "One of my worst."

I wasn't prepared for the kiss, or the way his hand wound into my hair to pull me closer. Though, I should have been. Jake tasted like oysters and champagne, smoke and, and want. He pulled me effortlessly into his lap, coaxing my mouth open and tangling his tongue with mine to effectively silence that pesky thought in both our minds. He was addictive and he knew it. Smug bastard, he was.

Of all the times we'd kissed, this one felt the most like our first. Maybe it was because of the way he'd been acting like he had in the beginning, asshole-ish and reserved. Or maybe it was because we both knew this was it. There was no forgotten thing, no drunk Russian or nosey lesbians. It was just us.

This was it.

I pulled back slightly, my hand smoothing over his jaw as we both dropped the act and slowly started to abandon our fear in favor of that intimate thing that hummed between us. Still, I couldn't resist the taunt that slid off my tongue, "So, you don't want to be my friend anymore?"

Jake scoffed, pressing another kiss to my lips. "Stop talking."

"I thought you liked being my friend," I continued to tease, threading my fingers into his hair as his mouth moved down the column of my neck. I had to hold in a moan as his teeth tugged at the skin there.

"I like this better," he breathed out, smirking against my skin. His hands gripped my thighs and pulled me down further, rubbing our hips together in a way that sent pleasure up my spine. This time I couldn't contain the wanton moan. Jake chuckled. "Much better."

With a breathless huff, I pulled his hair until his head tilted back up to me. "Shut up."

“Oh,” he whispered breathlessly, lips pulling up into that cocky smirk of his. “Now you wanna stop talking?”

Before I could answer Jake had shifted, rolling me onto the couch beneath him. The new cushions were slow to yield to the weight of us, stiff but not uncomfortable. Above me, Jake's chain necklace dangled, glinting in the low moonlight as it kissed my lips just like he'd done seconds ago. He smirked down at me for a second before all the attitude and the teasing faded, leaving him just smiling down at me as he lifted a hand to my face.

His fingers traced my lips, gliding along my jaw. The swell of warmth… Of want made my chest constrict almost to the point of pain. Out of all the nights we’d spent together - out of all the things we'd already done - this moment was unlike all of them. I wanted him more than I could even understand and in some way… Through some invisible bond between us, I knew he felt the same. 

I lifted my head off the cushion and chased his lips. “I wanna stop talking now.”

Jake's still smokey breath fanned across my face as he chuckled. “Okay, Princess. No more talking.”

Our mouths met again, eager and hungry. It was like the feeling of his velvety lips on me, of his hands stroking and squeezing, erasing every thought in my brain. Everything that wasn't him just suddenly didn't matter. Jake dragged his tongue down my neck, fingers tugging the straps of the dress off my shoulders so his lips and teeth could literally my collarbones with kisses and bite marks.

To my surprise he kept moving down lower and lower until his hands were tucked up my dress, pulling my panties off my legs. Jake bit into the meat of my thigh, dragging me down the couch until my ass was literally in his hands. I lifted my head just in time to catch a glimpse of his dark head of hair vanishing beneath my dress as he dove mouth-first into my pussy.

“Oh my god!” I squeezed in shock as his warm tongue lather over my clit. “Jake!”

His fingers squeezing my thighs and holding them open was the only answer I received as his tongue continued its skilled work. With my head pressed firmly to the cushions, I gripped onto his hair, lifting my hips in time with his tongue movements and chasing the pleasure he so shamelessly offered. “Yes! Oh, Jake, right there!”

His teeth grazed my clit, sending me spasming as I came. That didn't stop him though. Jake's tongue just kept licking and sucking, drinking up every ounce that I had to offer until I was practically vibrating beneath him. I pulled his hair harder, pushing him off me and quickly standing up. Before he could ask what I was doing I tugged at his shirt. “Take this off.”

The wicked grin he answered with glowed in the candlelight. “Not gonna say please?”

Reaching down I tugged on his chain, taunting him with an almost kiss. “Now.”

Humming Jake rose from his knees and lifted the shirt over his head, spreading his arms and lightly flexing. “Happy now?”

I raked my nails over his abdomen, instantly undoing his belt as Jake's hands started sliding my arms through the straps of my dress. “I'll be much happier when we're both naked.”

“That makes two of us,” he agreed with a groan as the dress slid off my body with no resistance. Jake's mouth fell open as he lifted his lands to tease my nipples. “God you're perfect.”

My fingers fumbled, head nearly falling back as the pleasure his touch brought spiked through me. “Jake.”

His body pressed closer to mine, forcing me to step back until the backs of my legs hit his bed. “Are you sur-”

I silenced him with a finger over the lips and a gentle reminder, “No more talking.”

Without any more chances to let my fear win out, I finished with his belt and zipper. Kissing down his chest I slowly sank to my knees, taking his pants and underwear with me until his hard, pulsing cock was dangling in front of me. Jake watched me press a few light kisses to the head of him as he carefully lifted his feet out of his jeans. His breaths stuttered as I licked him base to tip, swirling my tongue around him the way I knew he liked from the first time.

“Fuck,” he breathed, quickly taking hold of my face. “As much as I fucking love that mouth of yours princess… I wanna actually fuck you tonight.”

I grinned, kissing his cock again. “Later then?”

“Absolutely.”

Standing in front of him, I set my hands on his broad shoulders, leaning up to kiss him again. Jake's hands wound into my hair as he turned us, pulling me on top of him as he settled on his back. I shifted my hips and angled his cock perfectly allowing me to finally, slowly begin to sink down on top of him. Jake's eyes fluttered shut, his mouth falling open as a surprised, pleasured sound fell from between his lips. His hands scrambled over my waist, squeezing my flesh. “Fuck.”

The stretch wasn't painful, not after the care Jake had taken, but I found myself shaking. It felt so good. Finally having him inside me, the impressive dick his ego permitted me from ever complimenting, hit all the right spots. It'd been a year since I'd had sex, but already, I found myself questioning if anyone else had ever made me feel like this with nothing more than one tiny thrust.

Once I was fully seated on top of him I found my eyes closing, head tilting back as I enjoyed the simple feeling of him twitching inside me, breathing beneath me, holding me. “Holy shit.”

“You're not wasting any time,” he said, holding onto me like his life depended on it. “Got somewhere to be?”

“You said you wanted to fuck me,” I replied, ignoring his teasing to lift my hips and bending over him. “So fuck me.”

Jake kissed me hard, setting one hand on the small of my back and using it to push me back down onto his dick. My sharp gasp broke our kiss and spurred my body into moving. Every thrust sent pure pleasure radiating through my body. Every noise Jake made was echoed by the ones I made. It was that word he'd kept saying. Perfect.

When my legs started to shake and my body felt heavier to lift in the fervorous up and down movements, Jake sat up. His tongue lathered over a nipple, earning another sharp sound from my throat, as his fingers traced up my spine and gently closed around the back of my neck. I could feel his lips curl up into a smirk as he pulled my nipple between his teeth. “Come on, princess. Don't stop.”

“Fuck,” I whispered, the desperate sound of his voice emptying my brain even more. “I… Oh god…”

“Don't tell me you're tired already,” he taunted, using his hands on my hip and neck to help lift and pull me. “We just got started.”

Grinding my teeth together to hold in the moan I bit back, “I should have guessed you'd be a pillow princess.”

Jake laughed, tilting his head up to kiss me again. “We can switch if you want.”

“Fuck you,” I answered breathlessly, my eyes punching together as the pleasure all began to build up inside me.

“That's what you're doing… Trying to at least.” He withdrew all attempts at helping me, returning his attention to my breasts.

“Jake,” I whined after what felt like hours. God, I'm out of Practice. Jake only hummed in reply to his name. “Please.”

More smug than ever he finally slid his hands to my waist and expertly flipped me onto my back. His sheets felt cold against my hot skin, but I hardly had a moment to focus on that when Jake wasted no time lifting one of my legs onto his shoulder and securing the other around his waist. “Try not to scream my name too loud, the neighbors tend to get mad about that.”

“You-” He thrust into me, the angle and the power behind it making sparks shoot up my stomach into my chest. “Oh fuck!”

“There you go,” he mumbled, fingers curling into the sheets by my head. “Let me hear those pretty noises.”

As he picked up the pace I realized I couldn't have denied his request even if I wanted to. Every noise I made echoed off the brick walls, every wet noise that his thrusts made only filled me with more fire. My fingers dug into his arms and clawed at his back as that coil in my gut wound tighter and tighter. “Jake,” I begged. “Don't stop!”

“Come on, princess,” he urged, pressing his lips to mine in a sloppy kiss. “I wanna feel you.”

“Ah!” I could feel myself tighten around him, drawing out another moan from Jake's lips.

“Fuck!” He cursed under his breath. “That's my girl. Come on… Come for me, Lena.”

That, the fucked out, desperate, adoring uttering of my name was what made the coil in my gut burst. Fingers digging into Jake's hair, pulling his lips down against mine I came around him, shaking as he thrust again and again and again, fucking me through the orgasm and into another as he came with me. His body tensed and shivered as he kissed me through his orgasm, pulling away to let out a shaky breath before he collapsed on top of me.

My chest heaved beneath him as I stretched my fingers and carefully pulled them from his hair. “Holy… Shit…”

Jake carefully rolled off me, throwing the condom away and collapsing next to me. “We should have been doing that this whole time.”

“Definitely,” I agreed, twisting my head to look at him… Afraid of what I'd find in his eyes when I did. Had this been a mistake?

Jake was smiling, genuinely smiling at me. His eyes were light and sparkling as he pulled me into his arms and threw his blanket over us both. His lips kissed my shoulders and my jaw and even though we’d just spent the last hour or more fucking I felt that swell of want again. “You know, we could be in the dark for a while.”

“All night even,” he agreed. “You should definitely stay the night.”

“Absolutely,” I agreed, kissing his lips. “And are you gonna… Entertain me?”

Nodding Jake traced the snake on my spine. “Of course. What kinda man would I be if I left you unsatisfied?”

It was going to be a long night. Long and sweaty and perfect.

*

Dom looked at the now entirely empty shop with a dead stare. His life's work was fucking gone, and it was all his fault. Desperate anger and a bitter, frustrated sorrow filled his lungs with a scream. He threw empty tool carts across the shop floor and kicked the side of the nearest car. Dom exploded, lashing out until he had to stop. 

His back slammed into one of the cars, and he bowed low. Defeated. The sound of her light footsteps treading through his mess gave him some tiny hint of hope. He watched her carefully slide into place beside him, looking out at the empty space. "Sorry."

"Stop." He shook his head, glaring at her. "I hate it when you apologize when you did nothin’ wrong."

Sarah giggled, bumping her shoulder into his. "Sorry."

"You're the worst."

She looked around with an exasperated sigh. "They really did a number on the place, huh?"

Nodding, he slapped the side of the car they leaned on. "Fuckers even took the damn hub caps."

"You are gonna take care of this, right, D?" Her emerald eyes sparkled up at him, hopeful and innocent. His baby sister. "I don't wanna lose you like Eddie."

His jaw clenched at the mention of the name. "Yeah, I'll take care of it."

She held out her pinky with tears in her eyes. "You promise?"

Dom wrapped his finger around hers and sighed, engulfing her in a big hug. "Yeah, I promise."

When he opened his eyes, Dom could still feel the warmth of Sarah's embrace. His mind clung to the sweet moments they'd shared until the end - until the pain made him feel like he couldn't breathe. That sensation forced him upright, scrambling to grab hold of the drugs he'd left at his bedside. He wanted to forget. More than anything, he wanted the pain to stop. 

Green eyes flashed in his mind. Hers and Lena's. He'd made them both a promise… A stupid fucking pinky swear. His fist tightened around the drugs as he forced himself to throw them across the room. "God dammit!"

"Well, ain't you just pathetic?”

Dom's head twisted to the door where Eddie lounged against the old frame. “The fuck are you doin here?”

Eddie shrugged, a heavy sigh following him as he sat in the cot opposite his. “It's her birthday today… Figured that's the kinda thing that warrants a temporary truce. We're family after all.”

“You're no family of mine,” he ground out.

Dom could see the hurt in Eddie's eyes, but as always he erased it with that goddamn smirk. “Feelings mutual, big brother. But, I ain't here for you. I'm here 'cause it's what she woulda wanted.”

“She doesn't get to want anything,” Dom said. “Not anymore.”

Eddie nodded, tensely. “Well, we both seem to have conflicting opinions about whose fault that is.”

“Get the fuck out!” Dom shouted, throwing himself to his feet to grab onto Eddie's jacket and throw him out the door. “You get the fuck out before I fucking kill you!”

“Oh, we both know how much you'd like that,” Eddie spat back, laughing in Dom's face. “Sibling killer that you are.”

It took four of his bikers to hold him back while Eddie waved off his men and left with a bitter curse in Spanish. After the noise of their car had gone, the bikers let him go and Dom was out the door. He needed some air. He needed some space away from this fucking warehouse… This fucking city.

There, illuminated in the golden rays of the rising sun, Mav sat on his bike, resting her head in her hands with a wide - real smile. Dom shook his head, forcing out the angry breath he'd been holding. “It's shit like this that makes everyone think you're a bitch.”

She just shrugged, that smile never faltering. “That a no to taking a joyride?”

“I could never say no to you.”

“It's one of the few things I like about you,” she teased, sitting up as he neared. The flippant, uncaring attitude fell for a moment as she asked, “You okay?”

Dom shook his head and answered with the truth, “No.”

Sliding back on the bike seat she patted the fine leather. “Come on then, big boy. Let's go for a ride.”

“Course, Mrs…. What is it now? Scott?”

Mav rolled her eyes. “As if I'd take that old fucks last name.”

With a chuckle, he smiled at her. “That's my Mav.”

“I'm not your anything,” she argued half-heartedly. 

Dom threw his leg over the seat and settled in with her sweet smell and soft hands around his waist. He revved the engine and Mav's arms squeezed him tighter. “You'll always be my Mav.”

“Just drive the damn bike, Dom.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

[rey-jake-therapist]

Thank you for reminding me why I've started writing my Sweetbitter Jake x OC story. For this. Exactly THIS 💔

[rey-jake-therapist]

I don't know if you remember Jake and Mina but if you do... They'll soon be back!

For my new followers who missed the beginning...

@endlessbittersweetdreams @writing-for-life

@lissysandmanadorer

@ladyredstar1991 @dear--lady-disdain @sylverfaeland

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

Song Ideas

Just want to let you know that I am still working on the next chapter of "Passion Play." I haven't given up! I've just been busy.

In the meanwhile, I thought I'd recruit your help. I don't want to spoil things, but there will be a dance scene in this chapter. I am looking for a very specific type of song: something along the lines of a sexy-sounding worldbeat/New Age number. (Think Enigma!) I've been searching for the right song, but I haven't come across it just yet. (And yes, I've been looking into Enigma's songs.) If you can make suggestions, that would be wonderful.

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

@thepaintedlady00

@rey-jake-therapist

@tarotoftheendless

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

Meet the Hewitt Family

As promised, I am going to introduce you to the members of the Hewitt family. You'll notice that all three children have names that are associated with songbirds.

EDWARD HEWITT (JASON ISAACS): Edward is the father of Linnet, Robyn and Callum. Sometime after his first wife ended their marriage and abandoned their children, he met and fell in love with Josephine Ellis. They married, deciding to encourage all three children to develop a love for music. An accomplished pianist, Edward is a music teacher at the Royal Academy of Music.

JOSEPHINE ELLIS-HEWITT (CLAIRE FORLANI): Josephine is the second wife of Edward Hewitt, and the stepmother of his three children. Though she loves all of her step-children, her relationship with Robyn is strained. She is a retired concert violinist.

LINNET HEWITT-WILDMAN (JENNA COLEMAN): The eldest child of Edward and Catherine Hewitt, and the step-daughter of Josephine Ellis-Hewitt. She is currently separated from her husband, Robert Wildman. She is the mother of their young daughter, Sophie. Raised to appreciate music, her instrument of choice is the flute.

ROBYN HEWITT (EMILIA CLARKE): Robyn is the beautiful interior designer who catches Jake's eye and captures his heart. Raised in London, England, Robyn is the middle child of Edward Hewitt and Catherine Chambers. She is the stepdaughter of Josephine Ellis-Hewitt, and the sister of Linnet and Callum. For a reason unknown to Robyn and her siblings, Catherine abandoned her husband and family when the children were young.

CALLUM HEWITT (Isaac Hempstead Wright): The youngest child, and only son, of Edward and Catherine Hewitt. Though his parents tried to encourage him to love and appreciate music, he eventually gave up on playing the piano. He is attending the London Academy of Music & Dramatic Art (LAMDA), having decided to pursue a career as an actor.

@anastacia-lynn

@thepaintedlady00

@peageetibbs

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@kimmyiewrites

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

Love Theme Suggestions!

Hello, readers! I hope you're doing well!

I want you to know that I am working on the next chapter of "Passion Play." It's just coming along veeeery slowly. Robyn's suffering from a bit of a hangover, and so she's not being very cooperative as a "muse."

Sometimes when I write, I try to think of theme songs for individual characters or couples. I'm trying to come up with a sort of love theme for Jake and Robyn. Think of it this way: if "Passion Play," were a movie, what song would play during an intimate, sexy, romantic moment between Jake and Robyn?

Jake and Tess have "Sail to the Moon," for their sex scene. I want Jake and Robyn to have a theme, too. I've been scouring YouTube and Spotify for ideas, but I haven't found that perfect song. Any suggestions?

@anastacia-lynn

@kimmyiewrites

@ladyredstar1991

@mypsychoticlove

@peageetibbs

@thepaintedlady00

@rey-jake-therapist