#like what do you mean Wylan says I don’t deserve you

[trouvaille12]

Definitely not thinking about how (possibly) Jesper says “I love you” to Wylan and Wylan replies “I don’t deserve you” and then Jesper would be led to believe Wylan dies on the Ferolind before he could convince him he does deserve his love.

Nope, definitely not thinking about that.

[swanimagines]

CONFESSIONS OF A CROW | WESPER + KAZ

Summary: Wylan thinks Jesper doesn't care about him, and you try to comfort him. For your surprise, Wylan has something to tell to you too.

The Crow Club’s game nights were loud and cheerful events, and Jesper was all over the tables, building the spirit in the room. Scent of alcohol and cigars floated in the air, and the sound of laughter and clinking glasses filled the downstairs as a whole.

Wylan and you sat at the farthest corner from the entrance, just spending time. The wooden table was slightly sticky, apparently someone had spilled alcohol on it at some point. The candle flame flickered slightly as Wylan played with it while staring at it deep in thought, and you were just about to ask what he’s thinking when he flinched upon another round of cheers and crooned his neck to look at one of the game tables. Jesper had once again won another round, making you turn your head to your friend and raise a glass for him once he caught your eyes. Then you turned your head back to Wylan, who sighed and returned to staring at the candle. You frowned, knowing to read people enough to know something was wrong. So you touched his hand to get his attention.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” you asked, and Wylan stared at you for a moment before laying his gaze down on the table.

“It’s nothing. Nothing important,” he mumbled, and you sighed, raising your eyebrows at him. He squirmed a little and then let out a sigh of his own. “I slept with Jesper.”

Your eyebrows shot up at that; sure, Jesper was sleeping around with people he met at bars and restaurants to have fun, but for this short time you had known Wylan, he didn’t feel like such a person. But you weren’t judgemental by any means, Jesper was a charmer and you could see that he’d be dragged along by Jesper after some flirting. Hell, Jesper had gotten you to blush a few times with his flirts when you first joined Dregs.

“Really? When did that happen?” you asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.

“It’s been a while. Two months? Or three maybe? But… he managed me to grow feelings for him, and knowing who he is… I don’t think he’d like me back. He doesn’t even remember me.” His voice trailed off at the end, and he laid his gaze back to his hands. “I know it’s stupid.”

You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “It’s not stupid, Wylan. A lot of people have been in your situation at some point. But you can’t let the fear of heartbreak to get in your way, you deserve to be happy and even if Jesper doesn't return your feelings, at least you know then. You won't stay in it welling and cursing yourself over not speaking up if he ever ends up being serious with someone else."

He scoffed. “Easy for you to say when you hold the heart of the Bastard of the Barrel himself. Do you even realise how I envy the way Kaz looks at you, how I would wish somebody would look at me like that? Kaz is closed off, cold and guarded, someone you wouldn’t think would like anyone, and still you have managed to catch him without even trying to win him over. Jesper is everything but like that, and still he thinks I’m nothing but a fling, just an asset for pleasure. I’d be a fool if I went to him and tell him how do I feel.”

Your heart skipped a beat at him mentioning about Kaz’s feelings for you, making you freeze up - it was true that you had been teased about it, and Kaz did have odd reasons for why he suddenly didn’t want to assign you on scouting missions anymore if the building was heavily guarded. But it wasn’t like he had feelings for you. Even when you wished it would be the reason for that.

“Kaz? What? He isn’t… no, he doesn’t, you’ve misunderstood something. And he’s my boss, it would be weird, he sees me only professionally and… I see him only professionally too,” you denied it, trying to contain your voice squeaking. Wylan raised his eyebrows at you, and you felt your face heating up when you realised he’s not buying it.

"He basically admitted it to Inej. Inej told him to let his guard down for you if he wants you to see him as anything else as your boss, and he told her that he doesn't want to drag you into his life, that you'd only get hurt when you'd see how he really is," Wylan mumbled. "Then they sensed someone is listening in so I dashed away before they caught me."

You didn't reply, just tried to calm your racing heart. You were quiet for a few seconds before you cleared your throat, trying to quickly jump away from the subject before anyone would hear you. “Anyway, Jesper is not Kaz. He’s not gonna smack you with his gun if you go and ask him if he’d be willing to talk with you. Or go on another date. If I went to Kaz’s office and asked him to come down to have a dining date with me, even if he did have feelings for me, which he doesn’t, he’d look at me as if I was crazy and either ignore me or tell me to get out his office.” 

Wylan chuckled weakly at your words. “I guess you’re right about that.”

You smiled. “You should talk to Jesper. Maybe he feels the same way about you. And even if not, at least you won’t have any regrets. You won’t watch him get together with someone else and wonder why didn’t you ever say anything.”

Wylan nodded slowly, his eyes shifting back to Jesper, who had just finished playing and had made his way to the bar counter. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I should try to talk to him.”

Your smile widened as you jumped a little bit in your seat, gesturing him to go on, gently nudging him forward when he passed you. Wylan walked to Jesper slowly, talking with him for a moment before sitting down beside him, and you almost felt the connection they already had. You turned your back on them, and continued sipping on your drink as you dug up your ongoing book from your bag. 

And just for a moment, you wondered if you’d ever really have chances with Kaz. If everyone pointing how Kaz looks at you and how ridiculous his reasons for taking you out from all the dangerous jobs are were actually onto something, what could it carry? Would Kaz shut it down, force himself not to feel, or would he let himself feel? Would you be there with Wylan and Jesper as a couple?

You hoped you’d get the answer for that sometime in the future, but for now, you were only happy that you had potentially helped Wylan and Jesper to get to know each other better, and maybe get together. They both deserved happiness, and you were happy if they found it within themselves.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[magicandpizza]

“Person who believes they’re hard to love” and “person who thinks loving them is as easy as breathing” but make it wesper.

“Alright, that’s everything sorted for the fruit imports from the Southern Colonies,” Jesper says, dating the document he’s been working on and carefully adding it to the correct folder. “What do you want to tackle next, sugar cane or…” He rifles through their stack of mail until he finds the letter he’s looking for, printed on thick lavender paper and embossed in gold. He holds it up with a grimace. “This summer ball invite from Boreg?”

As soon as he looks up from the desk he realises something is wrong. His merchling has curled up on the armchair, knees tucked up to his chest as he picks at the skin of his fingers.

“Wy? Love, what’s wrong?”

Wylan sniffles and wipes the back of his sleeve across his nose. “I don’t deserve you.”

Discarding the offensively lurid ball invite on the desk, Jesper crosses the room and kneels on the floor in front of him. “What do you mean, darling?”

“I know you hate it, having to read everything to me all the time. I know how fidgety you get when you have to sit still, and I basically trapped you here with me because you’re too much of a good person to leave.” The words spill from Wylan’s lips in a sad, frustrated wave.

“Hey, hey,” Jesper says soothingly, placing a hand over Wylan’s where he’s clenching and unclenching them against his knees, but now that the dam has broken, the words just keep flowing.

“And I know it’s not easy for you, because I’m, well, me, and I’m hard to love and-”

“Wylan.”

So, so carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll flinch away and disappear if he moves too quickly, Jesper cups Wylan’s cheek with one hand and encourages him to lift his head to look at him. “Firstly, you didn’t trap me here, I offered. You’re right that import taxes and bills of lading don’t exactly get me going, but I promise you, I’m right where I want to be, because I’m with you.”

Wylan’s mouth opens to speak again, but Jesper places one ringed finger to his lips.

“And secondly, you are not hard to love.”

Wylan’s eyes bore into his, wide as ever and glossy with tears. Jesper strokes his thumb over his cheekbone before continuing.

“Loving you is… it’s the only thing that’s ever made sense. You may have almost died in the canal, but I was drowning too, and I didn’t even know it.”

Now he’s the one who can’t stop talking, but something about Wylan’s gorgeous, brown eyes, the way he’s looking at Jesper so hopefully, makes him want to keep going.

“Then I met you and it was like I could breathe again.”

If he could pull his heart out of his chest, hold it in his hands and present it to Wylan and say “here, it’s yours” then he would. It would probably be easier.

He takes a calming breath and plasters an admittedly somewhat weak smile on his face. “So no more of this kind of nonsense okay? Because loving you is the easiest thing in the world.”

Wylan’s returning smile is just as wobbly. The tears that have been clinging to his lashes and threatening to fall finally do, tumbling down his pink-tinged cheeks. “You’re such a sap,” he finally manages to say, tugging Jesper close by the nape of his neck and pressing their lips together in a slightly damp kiss. “And I’m definitely not doing any more paperwork after that speech.”

[dasiesanddarkness]

Who wants a snippet from the explicit Wesper fic I'm currently writing?

Wylan leans down and places open mouthed kisses in a line from Jesper’s belly button to the space between his collar bones. Jesper twitches with each press of Wylan’s mouth on his skin, but he does his best to stay still. It’s hard, but he tries, because he knows it makes Wylan happy- knows it makes him proud, and Jesper wants so badly for Wylan to be proud of him.

"Tell me what’s wrong.”

The words are surprising, not at all where Jesper thought this would go, but he supposes it makes sense. Wylan has never let him ignore his feelings like he wants to.

“I don’t know,” Jesper breathes. Wylan presses a kiss to his shoulder.

“Yes you do,” he says softly. “And I want you to tell me so I know exactly what I need to do for you.”

Jesper sighs, arches his back. He does know, or he would if he thought about it like Wylan wants him to, but he’s never been good at thinking. His mind moves too fast for him to fully process most of what goes through it, and on days like this it moves even faster. It’s easier to just pretend the thoughts aren’t real and distract himself, but Wylan won’t let him. So he thinks, back to ten minutes ago when he had zoned out and his mind had wandered into dangerous territory.

“I don’t-” he cuts himself off when Wylan licks over his nipple. It makes it both harder and easier to talk through this, but he doesn’t want Wylan to stop.

“I don’t feel right,” he continues. “I feel disconnected from everything, like it’s happening and I’m just watching it.”

“But that’s not it, is it?” Wylan presses, and part of Jesper wishes he would just leave it alone.

“No,” he says. Wylan makes a noise, encouraging him to keep talking, and Jesper sighs. Squeezes his eyes shut. Sighs again, because he doesn’t want to talk about this, but he will. For Wylan.

“I feel like you deserve better than me.” The admission comes out in a whisper, and he almost hopes Wylan doesn’t hear it.

He does. Of course he does. Wylan pays attention to Jesper in a way very few have before, so of course he hears when Jesper admits that he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough.

Wylan’s hands leave his wrists and his mouth leaves his neck, and then he’s cupping Jesper’s face in his hands and kissing him insistently. Jesper threads his fingers through Wylan’s hair, lets the soft feeling of it ground him.

“Jesper,” Wylan whispers against his lips, and then he kisses him again.

Wylan isn’t good with words. He’s told Jesper that, made sure early on in their relationship that he knew that sometimes it was impossible for him to express himself properly, but that it didn’t mean he didn’t love him. But in moments like these, when Jesper is hurting and Wylan needs to reassure him and tell him that everything is okay, Wylan wishes he was good with words. Wishes he knew exactly what to say to make the anxiety sharp in Jesper’s head melt like icicles in the presence of the sun, how to make it go from jagged and dangerous to harmless and manageable.

“Jesper,” he says again. He tries to convey everything he thinks, everything he knows in that one word, but he knows it won’t work, so he kisses him instead. He kisses him, and then he tries again. “Jesper, I don’t deserve better that you.”

Jesper tries to open his mouth, tries to disagree or protest but Wylan isn’t having it, so he kisses him for what must be the hundredth time. “I don’t deserve better than you because there is no one better than you.”

There. It’s not poetry, and it’s not particularly eloquent or clever, but it’s true. It’s what Wylan knows. It’s a fact, and Wylan has always dealt in facts.

[gellavonhamster]

shadow and bone s2 (ugh)

In a few words: script bad, cast good, I have Opinions and you will hear them (but maybe don’t read this if you genuinely loved this season, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade)

In more than few words:

the bad:

taking so many books and stuffing them all into eight episodes was decidedly not a good idea. It’s rushed. It also ruins all hopes for a more or less book-accurate Crows storyline that the Helnik part of s1 had me harbouring, because so much of Crooked Kingdom has already been used

it is not enough to reproduce a moment from the books on screen if the context which made that moment powerful in the books is lost. An example would be “Goodbye, Aleksander” - no one knows his name in the books, it’s the final moment of humanity allowed the man behind the villain, but there’s nothing surprising about this address in the show - but there were many such cases

I realize that some levity is needed and the books aren’t completely serious either, but some of the funny ha ha stuff felt so unnecessary... like when that one follower of the Darkling says something like “uh-oh” when she notices a grenade is about to explode next to her. MCU disease

there was something off about Kanej this season. I don’t think he pushed her away that much in the books. This is slipping into the more stereotypical “you’re better off without me!!” territory, which is not really what they were in the books

why the hell is Heleen dead? Inej should be the one to destroy her - it’s her nemesis, the Pekka Rollins to her Kaz, she deserves that

also, why the hell was Dunyasha replaced with some random creepy guy? I don’t even like Dunyasha, but I enjoy the dark twin thing she and Inej had. It felt important

speaking of the characters I don’t even like that still deserved better treatment, all of the Darkling’s scenes were so boring to me this season. Boring ass cliché villain lines... it’s like this was made for TV and they needed some parts when the audience can go to the bathroom

Jesper and Wylan = big cringe :( those slutty bisexuals can never remember who they sleep with, amirite

do NOT like Tolya apparently developing a crush on Inej, he’s as aroace in the books as it can get in a universe where such terms haven’t been invented yet. They better do NOT erase that

the good:

the cast continues to be perfect. They’re taking the mediocre script they’re saddled with and making it better with their skills, chemistry, and charm. I love everyone in this bar

Nikolai! I’m trying to remember why I was unsure about this casting at first and can’t, but in any case, I was wrong - he was very good. Properly charming and annoying, with a touch of the boy king and a touch of the Too-Clever Fox, just the way it should be

the small interactions between the Crows like Jesper hugging Inej or Nina and Kaz having to pretend to be a couple made me happy

Jesper’s poison-induced hallucination might’ve been predictable, but I loved seeing him and his mom together, loved Aditi in general

the BEE!!! Yeah, that was some good foreshadowing

Genya and David were one of the best things about this season, I love them so much

the mixed bag:

I was really glad I saw spoilers about David’s death in advance because otherwise I might’ve punched the screen, but then I watched the last two episodes and... no one warned me the body wasn’t found? Come on, it’s fantasy, if the body wasn’t found, it usually means something. A Twitter mutual of mine suggested the Darkling might come back in David’s body, which I would not like to happen, but otherwise I am pretty excited about the possibility of some kind of Came Back Wrong (or - dare I hope - even a happy ending?..). Of course, he dies at a later point in the books, but the showrunners have admitted that what they’re making is essentially fanfiction, and saving the character expected to die is a very fanfiction thing to do. The problem is, their fic hasn’t been particularly good so far. Still, I am very curious about how this is gonna turn out

I am one of the few people who think TGT had a good and appropriate ending, but show!Alina is different enough from book!Alina for me to believe the changed ending works well. Show!Alina has definitely suffered, but she’s still seen less death and pain than book!Alina (no execution of Ana Kuya; no death of Botkin either, as far as I recall; no Harshaw; no Fedyor dying; Marie’s death is less brutal and doesn’t happen in front of her eyes, etc.), she didn’t spend as much time underground, she wasn’t as manipulated by the Apparat in addition to the Darkling. She’s also much more ambitious and eager to be a leader. It makes sense for book!Alina to want a quiet life where no one would bother her anymore, but it also makes sense for show!Alina to take an active part in reforming Ravka. And it also makes sense for Mal to want to find out to what extent his feelings for Alina were real and what was just amplifier stuff, to find his own path now that there is no predestination for him. I do believe Malina will be endgame in the show as well, because the showrunners are planning to adapt the Nikolai duology too, which means Zoyalai and Zoya as the queen, but I have no idea how it all is going to happen

it looks like we’re going to see dark!Alina, which could be interesting! Alas, I don’t trust the writers of this show to make a good job of it

not gonna lie, the idea that Sturmhond is a title one can pass on like Dread Pirate Roberts in The Princess Bride is funny af

I saw a tweet pointing out that it makes sense for Inej to “train” on  Sturmhond’s ship before captaining her own ship later, and on the one hand, I agree, but on the other hand, how are they going to bring her back for the Ice Court Heist if she’s already at sea

[thosesillylittlegayghosts]

Episode 4 thoughts

Not Vasiliy seeing mal and Alina kiss THIS IS WHY YOU DONT PUBLICLY KISS YOUR BOYFRIEND WHEN YOUR ENGAGED

Also nikolais mum is really pushing the whole he’s legitimate thing isn’t she

INEJS VOICE BREAKING INTO KAZS FLASHBACK WHERE EARLIER IT WAS JORDIE

I FEEL LIKE WE ARE BUILDING UP TO KAZ IMAGINING INEJS BODY

“It would bring me some comfort to know that you’re with me” my kanej heart is being fed

Kaz just wanting Inej to be safe if he dies versus Inej just wanting to get revenge for Kaz if he dies

The patron Saint of brewers

A LITTLE LIGHT ROLEPLAY

I KINDA LIKE YOUR FACE

SOMETIMES BROTHERS FIGHT

YES TO ALL OF THAT SHUT UP THEYRE BROTHERS

We like to keep our expectations low!

Nina bestie don’t knock out Kaz

Also there’s no way we’re getting a soc spin off for crooked kingdom cause they’re using half the plotline

David’s little wave 😭I love him

Oh god David feels so bad about genya

Whoever I saw on here that called the sword a round of applause for you

So know nikolais gonna hire the crows right?

Mal calling Nikolai out on the third person

Nina bestie stop it. He’s probably just gonna kill you anyway

Can’t really blame Kaz for Nina not being loyal they’ve known each other a week

Yes Inej slay

This is how she’s gonna find her purpose

She’s not gonna get her ship at the end of this season is she? She might

This is when Kaz is gonna bring up his son ain’t it

See they’ve already used the plague thing so we literally cannot get a crooked kingdom spin off

Ahah that where the shiner comes from

Omg no not Jordie already having the plague when the sirens went off

Slay Kaz

OMG YES HIM AND NINA PLANNED IT

NOW I KNOW HOW JESPER AND INEJ FEEL

OMG YES GO KAZ USE HIS SON

Ngl kinda prefer when Kaz didn’t use his name cause then pekka was just being gullible

Calling pekka weak as if he’s not in love with Inej

Also shout out to whoever said Kaz was gonna use alby in every monstrous thing

OMG OMG WE GOT THE SCENE

I CANNOT

Kaz saying all of this with blood running down his face really makes it

THEY LITERALLY LIFTED HALF IT FROM THE BOOKS AND I LOVE THAT

Nina and Jesper just watching this shitshow go down

He better get on his knees

YESSSSS

‘Are you’ I FUCKING LOVE HIM

ngl I kinda forgot they were being framed for murder

Omg yeah the bitch is dead

YESSS GET INEJ FREED TOO

Ok but this means that he didn’t liquidate all his assets to free her

It also means they can’t really do six of crows either cause heleens the one who recognises them at the ice court

Thick as thieves, lol

YES THE KOOPEROM

Where was Inej in that scene with pekka though?

YES TOLYA AND POETRY MY TRUE OTP

Shit okay vasily really wanted rid of mal

Alinas dress looks gorgeous

OMG VASILY NO LEAVE RN

Slay Alina

Bitch you talking a hell of a lot for someone who gets himself killed

Also I forgot vasily proposed 😭

We love Alina wiping her hand on her dress

OMG YES WE GET PEKKA DIGGING WITH HIS HANDS

What’s actually in the grave though

OMG YES THE STADWATCH

Hahahahahaha alby

WESPER

IS JESPER ASKING HIM OUT

OMG THEY ACTUALLY HOOKED UP

NOT WYLAN LOW-KEY SLUT SHAMING JESPER 😭

We better get the just girls scene in a flashback or something

OMG JESPER YES

WYLAN TRYING TO HIDE HIS SMILE

OMFG THEY KISSED!!!!!!

THE SCREECH I JUST LET OUT

OMG THEYRE GONNA KISS

My heart is beating so fucking fast right now

AND OMG RIGHT INTO A KANEJ SCENE?!!

HE THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD

NO KAZ WHAT OH WAIT YEAH BE FREED HER

SHIT

Wait hold up does wylan know about the stablehand?!

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU QUOTE ME

Jesus that is a big rock

NIKOLAI

‘If my mother was as put off by commoners as she claimed I wouldn’t be here now would I?”

Lol vasilys dead

Darkling honestly needs to die already

Genya smashing things as she deserves

I did not expect that to be the context of ‘I’ll destroy the only thing you have left’ and honestly im a bit disappointed she wasn’t threatening him

[kazscrows]

Six of Crows Reread 🪶

Chapter 23: Jesper

Jesper wanted to pace, but he’d staked out this spot on the bench, and he intended to keep it.

That must be some bench to be worth pushing his restless nature away just so he can keep it

Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn’t know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about…

Jesper might not be as attuned to Kaz as Inej is but even he realizes something is up

And poor Jesper. If only he knew Kaz was just a farmboy too once…

But Kaz sees Jordie in Jesper and everything about Jordie is a mess so-

“…I’m not going to pretend everything is okay. We’re stuck in here.”

“You’re definitely better suited to a gilded cage than to a real one.”

“I left my father’s house.”

“Yeah, you gave up a life of luxury so you could slum it with us sobs in the Barrel. That doesn’t make you interesting, Wylan, just stupid.”

“You don’t know anything about it.”

I feel like this is something the show is just going to skip over

Wesper doesn’t instantly happen they find the other so annoying at first!

“You act like you were born in the Barrel like Kaz…”

Lmao fun fact: Not even Kaz was born in the barrel!!

Ohhh right. Jesper wanted the bench so he could hide the waste bucket

It’s um… pretty gross but also kind of cool

And now Jesper is flirting. Kind of

“What is he doing?” asked Matthias.

“Performing an ancient Zemeni ritual,” Kaz said.

“Really?”

“No.”

I imagine Kaz had a faint smirk during this exchange

Or just absolutely no expression at all, completely deadpan

“You’re a Fabrikator,” Matthias said grimly.

“Just barely.”

I remember the first time reading this and thinking that Jesper was so cool for this

I still think he’s cool

“You have to let the mark feel like he’s won. Were the guards studying Matthias and wondering if he looked familiar? Were they looking for trouble when Jesper went into the showers with paraffin sloughing off his arms? No, they were too busy congratulating themselves on catching me. They thought they’d neutralised the threat.”

And then I was like “Woah Kaz is awesome!”

He’s always five steps ahead

Grisha who got found in the wrong place at the wrong time – a life sentence of slavery or worse.

Do you think he’s partially thinking about his mom?

I think Jesper is fine with grisha he just wishes he wasn’t one. Even if it gives him advantages with firing guns

“Grew up on a farm,” Jesper explained.

“You don’t look it.”

“Sure, I’m skinny,” he said as they hurried back through the stables, “but I stay drier in the rain.”

“How?”

“Less falls on me.”

Lmao

But yeah I bet Jesper is really strong

Kind of wish we had gotten to see Kaz get Nina and Inej from their cell

Kaz is the one to make his own plan fall awry

He lets his hatred for Pekka get the better of him

Hate is dangerous…

I know Pekka deserves it but still

Upon finding Inej’s “magic” slippers:

“What do you say, Wraith? Can you make the climb?”

“I can.”

Jesper took the shoes from Wylan. “If I didn’t think these might be crawling with disease, I would kiss them and then you.”

How Inej manages to climb the incinerator shaft is actually so insane

I mean Jesper drops a piece of cloth down it and it just bursts into flames!

First | Previous | Next

[triptuckers]

Protective - Kaz Brekker

Request: yes “Hii darling 😊 Would you maybe writing something where the reader is a member of the Dregs for some time now but lately she is left out of any of the more dangerous jobs and instead is left to smaller ones. The reader is really infuriated about this because skill wise she is almost on the same level as Jesper and Inej. So she goes to Kaz to ask for an explanation and maybe then he admits that he has been assigningher to the less dangerous jobs because he doesn’t want her to get hurt and that he has feelings for her? Hopefully you consider writing this but thanks anyway!!!” Pairing:  Kaz Brekker x reader Summary:  Kaz keeps not including you on jobs, and it’s time you find out why Warnings: slight angst Word count:  1.2K A/N: enjoy reading! :)

Just as you want to knock on Kaz’ door, it opens already. And it’s not Kaz who opens the door, but Jesper.

‘Hi Y/N!’ he says cheerfully before moving past you and heading downstairs. 

You intend to enter Kaz’ office, but another person appears in the door. Inej. She smiles at you before following Jesper. 

Then Nina and Matthias appear, also smiling at you and then following Inej and Jesper. 

Wylan is last, waving at you and tucking a sketchbook in his jacket as he walks down the stairs as well.

You finally enter Kaz’ office, and the first thing you notice is the chairs gathered around his desk, and the mess of papers and blueprints.

‘Saints, did I miss another meeting?’ you say, walking up to the desk.

‘No.’ says Kaz, not looking at you.

You frown at his words and walk closer to the stack of papers. You move to pick up one of the blueprints to get a closer look at it, but Kaz is faster. He basically snatches it away from you, rolling it up and tucking it away behind his desk.

You raise your eyebrows at him. ‘If you don’t want me looking at them just say so.’ you say. ‘No need to snatch them away from me like that.’

‘Don’t want you to get any ideas.’ says Kaz.

‘Like what?’ you say.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ he says. ‘Forget it.’

‘Alright.’ you say as you sit down on one of the chairs. ‘Catch me up.’ you say, motioning to the papers with your hands.

‘There’s nothing for you to catch up on.’ says Kaz, rolling up the rest of the papers and blueprints. 

‘What does that mean?’ you ask him. 

Kaz glances at you and then it hits you. 

‘You don’t want me on this job either, do you?’ you ask him. ‘That’s why you didn’t tell me there was a meeting, you never intended for me to be there in the first place.’

For the past few weeks, he had barely included you in any of his jobs. It was frustrating. 

He ignores you and limps over to the door.

‘Kaz!’ you say. ‘Don’t you dare walk away from me again!’

He’s almost at the door, but you’re faster. With a few big steps, you’ve reached the door. You slam it shut and move to stand in front of it, so Kaz can’t leave. 

He takes a few steps back, creating some space between the two of you.

‘Why do you keep me at the Slat all the time?’ you ask him.

‘I'm not keeping you at the Slat.’ he says.

‘Yes you are!’ you say, your voice getting louder as you let the frustration out. ‘Every time there’s a promising job, you don’t include me in your plans. You shut me out. I deserve to know why, Kaz. I know I'm still the newest member of the crows, and I always will be until someone else tags along. But my skills are almost at the same level as Jesper and Inej, so there’s no tactical advantage in leaving me out.’

Kaz doesn’t say anything. You look at him, waiting for an answer. But he’s merely looking at you, his hands resting on that damned cane of his.

‘Say something!’ you say.

Still, he looks at you but doesn’t say anything.

You throw your hands up in frustration. ‘You’re being incredibly insufferable right now! You think just because you run this place, you can do whatever you want, pick whoever you want for a job. I'm warning you Kaz, if you leave me out again, I'm leaving. There’s plenty of gangs who do value my skills.’

You turn and reach out for the doorknob, when Kaz finally speaks up. 

‘There’s a reason why I choose not to include you on most of the jobs.’ he says.

‘Now we’re getting somewhere.’ you say, turning around. You gesture for him to keep on talking.

Kaz is avoiding looking at you. It’s something you’re not used to. He’s always walking around the place, his cane making a familiar thumping sound as it hits the ground with every step he takes.

He knows damn well he’s considered one of the most dangerous criminals in all of Ketterdam, and he’s not easily intimidated. 

But now he’s looking at your shoulder instead of your eyes, his hands gripping tightly at his cane.

‘I don’t include you on most of the jobs because I think they’re too dangerous.’ he says.

‘But you’d happily let anyone else tag along. Why not me? You know I can handle myself perfectly fine.’ you say.

‘Oh, trust me, I'm well aware of that.’ says Kaz. ‘But there’s a whole lot of things that can go wrong during a job. That’s why I always have so many backup plans.’

‘Then why not include me in them?’ you ask him.

‘I told you. Because it’s too dangerous.’ he says.

‘But that still doesn’t make any sense, Kaz.’ you say. ‘It doesn’t explain why you only refuse to include me, and not any of the others.’

‘Because I can’t stand the idea of something happening to you on my watch.’ says Kaz. ‘The thought of it is almost unbearable.’

You look at him in surprise. All of your frustration and anger seems to leave your body. You’d spent hours going over every possible reason why he would leave you out, but this hadn’t come up once. 

Kaz sighs, turning away from you and walking toward his desk. You’re frozen at the spot, watching him walk away.

‘What?’ you manage to say. 

Kaz briefly looks up at you before continuing to clean up his desk.

‘I know your skills. I know you can handle yourself. I've watched you beat up men twice as big as you. But I keep thinking about the what ifs.’ says Kaz, shaking his head. ‘I...’ his voice trails off and he shakes his head again. ‘Forget it.’

‘No.’ you say, walking over to his desk. ‘What were you going to say? Tell me.’

‘I care too much about you.’ he says. ‘And it’s dangerous. It’s a weakness others can’t know about, or they’ll use it against me. They’ll hurt you to get to me. I can’t let that happen.’

Your breath hitches in your throat as you look at him. 

‘Say it again.’ you say softly. ‘But this time, look me in the eye.’ 

Kaz slowly look up at you. And when his eyes lock onto yours, the look on his face softens.

‘I care about you.’ he says. 

You smile at him. ‘Well, the feeling is mutual.’ you say. You notice Kaz’ shoulders loosen up a bit. ‘Now that that’s settled, can I go on the job with the rest of you?’

You see Kaz going over the possibilities in his mind. 

‘I can handle it.’ you say. ‘And I’ll be careful.’

‘Promise?’ says Kaz.

‘Promise.’ you say.

‘Alright.’ says Kaz. He bends down to get a few of the rolled up blueprints, spreading them out over his desk. ‘Let me catch you up on the plans.’

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[jackwolfes]

What is it you love about Jesper and Wylan, as characters and as a pair? What draws you to them or what’s fun about them? What is it that makes you love to write them?

I’ve talked before about how with the characters in SOC there’s just so… MUCH. to each of the protagonists, and so many different lenses to look at any given situation with. Like whether that’s their interests or upbringings or hobbies or (especially for wesper) the nature of them being disabled — there are so many things you can focus on and use to see and unpick a situation. I find it really gratifying to focus on certain areas bc it helps with straightening my own thoughts out on things adhd who 😂 and it maybe doesn’t lead to the most faithful portrayal but I still get a lot out of it so I don’t really care

with wesper as characters/a pair, i think they’re both perfectly built to have really excellent dynamics with each other and the cast of the book. Like Wylan is: really mean but also really earnest, annoyingly stubborn but also really quite generous, and kind of pretentious but also super insecure? And that leads to fascinating dynamics with characters get rubbed the wrong way by him being a little asshole, kind of want to deck him, DO straight up shove him against a wall because he has no tact whatsoever when he thinks he’s right about something, are caught off guard by how earnest he is in a way that makes them uncomfortable, and also want him to see that he’s fantastically skilled and deserves better or to be more confident.

And on the other side Jesper has a lot of similar things - he’s insecure, he does things that are a bit irritating, he’s at his core a very kind person - but he’s SO committed to not addressing any of his issues! Like he is desperate to just keep on with life even though everything regularly goes wrong for him because he doesn’t want to address the big scary feelings that come with addiction or disability or his own past mistakes. He’s very much characterised by putting up a facade that works for him in the context — and is really different to the sweet farm kid or the Uni student or anything else - because it keeps him safe away from the things that feel a bit too much to unpack. And importantly: he is SO GOOD AT IT. like the whole point about the Colm reveal is that you’re supposed to be so SURPRISED that he just… went to college. And IMO it works really well, because it’s a direct parallel to him being forced to squish down being grisha, and being told he has to hide, and it’s like - yeah no fucking wonder he tucks all of his feelings away, it makes perfect sense, because this very big part of who he is was cut off and hidden to keep him safe, but at the expense of him actually flourishing as he could. But then he DOES start to actually open up - about being grisha and all his other feelings - and it’s glorious. Which is a super super fascinating thing to play alongside Jesper being presented with someone so earnest that doesn’t see any issue at all with just saying how you feel and wanting better for yourself, bc it’s a very interesting dynamic especially for a first kiss scene

The tl;dr is that one of the reasons I like all the soc Bbies for all the glorious interpersonal relationships they have but ALSO I could talk about them individually for hours and need to draw the line somewhere 😂 so there are more reason but for space, on this ask, I’m done for now

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x Reader - Your What?! Part 1/2 (Soulmate au)

A/n: So I can't believe I'm doing this but... This a soulmate au! With Kaz fucking Brekker! I'm just going to cry in the corner now... I also decided to split this into two parts, so part 2 will be out tomorrow!

Warnings: language, mentions of trauma, mentions of the menagerie, mentions of death, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: You and the crows are on a mission and your soulmate mark starts burning

All rights go to Leigh Bardugo, Netflix, and you! I just own the plot!

Soulmates are the bane of my existence.

You can say otherwise, tell me that I live in a wonderful world to have a chance to even meet my true love or whatever. Personally, I think it's bullshit.

Come on! Most people probably don't even meet their soulmate because the whole system is stupid! Maybe it was different billions of years ago when people couldn't have the same initials but now it's not about the initials.

It's about the pain.

Knowing the initials is just a slight sign to help you along your journey. The pain where those initials are is what it really is.

When your soulmate is hurt or in danger you mark will burn. Depending on the level of how much pain or danger they will be in it could feel like a mosquito bite... Or feel like your getting stabbed multiple times.

In my opinion well really... I don't give two fucks about it. It is what it is but the worst part about soulmate marks is when the person dies.

So when your soulmate is going to die, or is VERY close to death your soulmate mark fill start to flicker. Apparently it's worse then the normal pain you face with soulmates. When the person dies though...

In the case that your soulmate dies, the mark will slowly fade away causing you excruciating pain that could last YEARS. (Dramatic I know.)

That's what I used to think anyways.

When my sister finally escaped the menagerie I was ecstatic, but then she got dragged into the whole 'ice court heist,' so that was fun. In the time that everything happened I eventually got dragged down with her when Ketterdam was on lock down looking for criminals.

Then I found my soulmate.

Kaz fucking Brekker. Or Kaz Rietveld would be more correct, I guess.

After the whole heist was finally over we decided that fine, we could bond and we did. Being us, we didn't tell anyone not to stir up trouble, (we both had enemies) and because Inej Ghafa was my sister. Her and the others would be very protective of me.

Not like they can stop me though.

"Y/n." I snapped my head to look up to Kaz and he raise's an eyebrow at me.

"Don't kill Pekka." I roll my eyes at him. Since Kaz did tell me about his past I told him if he wouldn't kill Pekka I would.

Or at least his son.

I sigh. "Fine but don't expect me to give him a fucking birthday present."

"I never said you had too." Kaz says blankly and I almost grit my teeth together at the thought of Kaz having no emotions. Wow, people really don't know him. Though I guess that's the point.

The Crows and I start walking towards the warehouse-club and Kaz walks with me step by step. That must means he's worried because most times he doesn't even look at me when we're on a job to not show weakness.

Shit.

I brush my hand quickly up against Kaz's gloved ones and I give him a nod.

A promise.

A promise to make it out alive as long as he does. I step back and lower my pace so I'm not leading with Kaz anymore and I fall into pace with Inej and Nina.

My mind goes to when Kaz found out I was his soulmate. I had found out on when he went on a mission one time and I just... Didn't tell him.

*Flashback*

The walls of the Crow club all the sudden become suffocating as I stare intently at Kaz. I spin on my heels and dash out the doors tears filling my eyes. I don't even know where I'm running, I just needed to escape out of the Crow Club.

I need to escape the disappointment.

I slide down onto the wall of the alleyway feeling like a fool. How could I have ever thought someone like Kaz could love me. Regardless of the soulmate mark he didn't even know about.

I sense a someone is in front of me and I go to lift my head up and a man has me at gun point. I go to grab my knives. Shit. I curse every saint ever in existence. They aren't there. I don't even have a gun.

Bare fists I guess it is for me.

We turn in a circle and he clicks the safety off his gun and in a split second I duck when I hear a short, boom!

I growl in pain as a bullet goes through my shoulder and he goes to shoot again and...

BANG!

The man drops dead to the floor.

I turn around and behind me is Kaz holding a gun, but his face is in pain and worry is there as well, spread across his face more plainly then I had ever seen before.

"Your my soulmate." He mutters and I barely hear it. My chest heaves and I just nod my head not being able to speak.

He come's over and pause's right in front of me, just a foot away. Slowly, he takes off his gloves and he nervously takes my hand and laces our fingers together.

Then we start walking back to the Crow Club.

To a new future. Together.

*Flashback over*

"What do you even have against Pekka Rollins anyways, Y/n?" Inej questions me as we speed-walk to the warehouse where some Dime Lions are stirring up trouble.

My brain scrabbles to put something together but I have always been a efficient liar. No offense to my sister she's fantastic at what she does, but lying had never really been her thing.

"Rollins is a barrel boss." I shrug my shoulders seemingly uncaring even though there is so much more layers to it. But I guess I'm not lying.

Yet.

"So is Kaz." Nina points out but I already planed for that response.

"And we're dregs. Pekka is a big barrel boss, he scares off people from coming to the dregs. It's a problem and it's getting on our ass's." I grumble.

"I didn't know it mattered to you that much." Inej states. I wanted to scream in her face. He killed Kaz's brother! He almost killed Kaz! He creates monsters where ever he goes and tries to control them like caged lab rats! But I couldn't do that, so furiously I snap at her.

"Well it should to me, it's my job."

Nina and my sister both look at me weirdly, oh crap. They don't know I have basically the same authority as Kaz. Fuck.

*Flashback*

"Why give me a promotion? Isn't there other people who could use it? Who would do better than me?" I ask Kaz as he goes through the papers on his desk.

"I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it." He looks up to me and starts to get out of his desk. He goes to the door but before he can open it I grab his arm.

"I basically have the same power over the dregs that you do. I don't think that's a good thing."

Kaz just shrugs his shoulders and opens the door.

"What's a king without his queen Y/n?"

*Flashback over*

"Wait what?" Nina asks confused.

At least it goes off the topic of me hating Pekka Rollins with everything I have. Internally I sigh at my foolishness, I had only accepted Kaz's request recently, so no one really knew who was helping him out all the time.

*Flashback*

"Nemesis." The man whispers as I circle around him using the blinding light and the darkness to my advantage.

"Yes, and I get to decide if you live or die. Tell me, did you kill that little girl - Oh what was her name? Sarah was it?" I say loudly my voice confident and dangerous.

"No-no!" The sleaze ball yells and I throw one of my knives at his hand. The knife goes through his hand sticking it to the wall. The man screams out in pain.

"Liar." I hiss.

"Fine! Fine! I killed her!" He manages to scream out. "I killed her." He sobs as he says those three words again.

"Good." I say as I secretly pull a knife out behind my back into my right hand.

"I will grant you mercy." I whisper into his ear.

"Oh thank you!" The man sobs. "Thank you!"

I quickly slit his throat and he chokes on his blood for a few second and horror frames his face, before he falls to the ground.

Dead.

I hear a click of a cane and I whip my head around to face the one and only Dirtyhands.

"You know killing him was accepting my offer, right?"

"I know." I don't have to look at him to know a small smile that has become reversed for me, is sitting on his face.

Then I remember what he said to me when he first gave the offer. I turn to face him as I try to hide my smirk, and I look at him right in the eye.

"My Crow king."

And I turned and walk away.

*Flashback over*

"Well-" I start to say but I'm cut off from Jesper's very excited 'we're here!' Thank the saints though, because it gives me time to escape they're questions for now.

"You all know the plan."

Nina puts her hands on her hips. "Only the parts you deem important enough for us to know."

I nearly snort and a small smile grace's my lips. They really have no idea, well obviously some idea being that the ice court heist existed.

Kaz rolls his eyes and makes a go motion.

Inej goes to slip through the shadows but before she's totally gone I make eye contact with her before she leaves. It clearly says our conversation is not over and stay safe.

I suck in a breath, I always hate it when I have to say goodbye to anyone. Especially when that some person could die.

Running over to back of the warehouse, I pull my hood up trying to be the most concealed that I can be.

Wylan is going with Jesper to go make a distraction so they'll be going through the front doors. Nina will be going to go flirt to go get some extra info, perhaps steal some things on the way and wiggle her way into the top floor where the Dime Lions are. Matthias and Kaz will be going together with them posing as the warehouse-club guards. Inej will be going through the roof, while I'll be going through the back.

In the end everyone will get to the top floor so we can exterminate some Dime Lions, and get into the vault where a whole bunch of kruge is. Hopefully there will be enough so I can put my share's with Inej's so she can get that upgrade on her boat that she needs. It's not like I'm going to use the money to do anything useful, she deserved it and plus I intended to stay with this city.

I silently slide sneakily into the window, coming out of the other end with a knife in my hands. If I have learned one thing from living in Ketterdam, it's that you can never be too prepared.

I stay close to the wall as I see someone roll down the rope-ladder. I grin to myself,

Right on time Inej.

I climb up the ladder without fear of falling down even if the ladder was just made out of rope. I get to the top and Inej offers me a hand and I take it.

The top floor is basically empty except for some Dime Lions henchmen that are laying around, dead or knocked out.

Then, I guess there is also the vault full of kruge.

I look around the room everyone is here except for-

Kaz.

"Where's Kaz?"

Matthias looks a bit uncomfortable and guilty as he shifts nervously on his two feet.

"He said he had to take care of something and to just go."

I sigh, well I know he isn't in danger... Yet. My heart is screaming for me to go after him, but it wouldn't look good for Dirtyhands or Nemesis. Knowing Kaz he's probably fine, he would just want me to open this vault I guess.

The fact that my soulmate mark isn't burning is probably also a clear sign that he's fine.

Get yourself together Y/n.

"Can we open the vault without him?"

The others look mildly surprised at my response (excluding Nina, and my sister).

"You might be able to do it, your one of the best lock pickers there is. Only second to Brekker." Nina states.

I bit my lip and start to walk over to the vault. I let my hand fall over the lock. I let it feel the certain gears and the parts that make up the lock.

The shank of the lock would be easy enough to undo with some man strength to help pull that open. Though that would be the last step - I need to stop thinking too far ahead.

It's a very simple lock that any petty thief could probably do in 32 seconds flat. Besides the fact that it was absolutely ginormous to fit over a fucking vault.

"Inej I'm going to need some help!" I yell across the room to my sister who is in the shadows on a look out, to make sure no ones coming here.

She comes and strolls over to stand beside me. I put my hand up the lock, and I grab one bar and I move it to the side but I hold it there with my hands.

"Can you find the bar to the left and pull it up once?"

Inej does and I hear a huge click! ring through the room.

"We should wait for Kaz till we open it." Inej states and I nod my head in agreement.

"So while we wait." Nina start's talking... Oh no, that can't be good. "We should maybe share the fact that Y/n is Kaz's second hand!"

Angry courses of what! come throughout the room.

"The fuck does Kaz think with putting you in all that danger!" Jesper yells and I see Matthias nod along with him.

"I'm already in danger most of the times I'm Inej's sister!"

"You should have told us!" Nina shoots back.

"You guys are really talking about this while were on a heist!" I shoot back.

My soulmate mark starts to tingle a bit but I ignore it, being that this conversation will most likely take a lot of energy.

"It still puts you in unnecessary danger." Inej and Wylan point out.

Fury rakes through my body. Who are they to tell me that's it's 'dangerous'?! I live in fucking Ketterdam!

"I don't know if you haven't noticed, but I'm not a doll! I can take care of myself! And you can't say anything because 60% percent of you guys don't even fucki- Ahhh!" A string of curse leave my mouth as I collapse against the vault.

"Y/n!"

To be continued...

Words 2480

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace

[usmsgutterson]

Certainly- Kaz Brekker

The reader is a bit of an astrology and astronomy alike geek for this, which I hope y’all don’t mind! Also, in this case, phones exist so lets pretend that phones exist in Ketterdam, making it a bit of a modern au, I guess!

Also, this’ll probably be a bit ooc for Kaz

Fic type- angsty fluff

Warnings- blood, mentions of death, and the reader is sick (nothing specific, I just kind of took random symptoms and made up a word for the sickness)

You were determined to see the stars before you went, and as you grew sicker, none of the crows knew when that would be, so, after a little convincing, the crows had gotten Colm to let you spend a couple of months at his farm in Novyi Zem, where the stars were the clearest at night, not burdened by light pollution or the screams of lively cities. 

It was the seven of you crammed into a basement, sharing beds, but none of them cared, and you were just glad to be with the people you called family. You were happy that they were with you, that Kaz was willing to wheel you everywhere when you got too weak to stand, that Jesper still made jokes, even despite watching you deteriorate. You were grateful for Inejs smile, Wylans music, Ninas impeccable tastes and Matthias and his big arms that could lift you and put you down without issue. 

The six of them had started taking shifts taking you outside. Nina took you outside Sunday nights, Matthias Mondays, Wylan Tuesdays, Jesper Thursdays, Inej Fridays and Kaz Saturdays. Wednesdays you rested up; ate when it was time to eat, used the bathroom when you needed, took a shower if it were the appropriate time, but other than that, you slept.

It was Kaz’s day to wheel you out, and you’d had a particularly rough day that day. Inej went with him, promising not to intrude on the time that you would spend together. She’d do backflips and run across the roof of the farm if you asked her to, but she’d not interrupt otherwise. 

“I love the stars,” you whispered, leaning back in your wheelchair and tightening the hold of the blanket over your lap. “Thank you both. For doing this.” 

“Don’t you worry, love,” Kaz murmured. “Just keep your eyes on the stars, okay?”

“We’re happy to do this,” Inej added. “All of us are. Really.” It was like both of them could sense it as well as you could. You had a feeling that the night would end terribly, just like the morning had begun.

You’d woken up only to need to rush to the toilet immediately, blood coming up your throat like bile, staining your skin and leaving your bottom lip red as a cherry. 

Kaz had been at your side in a minute, Nina and Wylan right behind him. Wylan kept your hair away from the sides of your face, Nina slowed your heartrate and Kaz wet a cloth with cold water to get your body temp down. 

Kaz had forced himself to stay in the moment, to not let his thoughts stray to the urge to sleep in the same bed as you to make sure that nothing happened while you slept--to be there in case something did--but to stay on the sun as it set and the faraway sound of Wylan playing his flute with the window open so that you’d be able to hear it. 

Once you’d gotten settled under a tree, Inej ran off, making her way inside and up to the barns roof, where she sat, keeping a watch from a distance as Kaz let you rest your head against his shoulder, gloved hand interlaced with yours. 

“I love you, Brekker,” you murmured. “Please don’t forget that. Ever.” 

“I won’t,” he whispered. “You’re gonna stay around and get better until we can spar again, and you can beat my ass even though I’ve my cane as a weapon.” 

“You know full well I can’t promise that,” you wished that you could. You desperately wished. “I’m going to die young, Kaz. I’m not gonna get to eighteen, much less eighty.” Kaz hated you for that.

He hated you because everything that you said somehow managed to be right. It was like you had a sixth sense for that kind of thing, and while, on missions, it proved useful, in that scenario, it just proved annoying. 

“You’re gonna make it to eighteen if it kills me,” he informed you. “I’ll take you around the globe if I need to, just to make sure you end up okay. I will not live a life without you in it, Y/N.” 

“You’re sweet,” you murmured. “Incredibly sweet.”

“Only to you, L/N.” That was the last bit of conversation for a long while as the sun set and the stars came out.

“Did you know that the moon isn’t circular?” You pointed lazily to it, bright and beautiful amongst the even brighter stars. “According to scientests, it’s actually shaped like a lemon!” Kaz didn’t fight his smile.

Of course you’d be spouting off the little factoids you knew about space. You loved it, how vast and crazy it all seemed. 

“And that the clouds at the center of the Milky Way smell like raspberries and rum?” Kaz snorted.

“Okay, now, theres no way that ones true!” 

“Oh,” you leaned up, booping his nose without a care in the world. “But it is! It’s in a study somewhere, I think! Look it up!” He laughed, pulling you closer to him as you rambled.

Inej had started doing running flips across the roof, spinning and dancing and no doubt laughing as she did. Kaz knew it was an elaborate effort to get you to smile, and it seemed to work as she moved; a delightful silhouette amongst a star filled sky. 

“I love you, Kaz Brekker,” you whispered. “You don’t need to say it back, but I really, truly do love you with every bone that exists in my body.”

“I love you too,” he said it without hesitation. “And I’ll love you until we’re old and grey, I swear it.”

“Don’t hold me to that promise,” you murmured. “You know how bad this is. Stop thinking that I’ll make it into the new year. I probably wont.”

“You will if it kills me, Y/N,” he gave your shoulders a gentle squeeze. “I’ll drain the bank dry if I have to, I swear to Ghezen.”

You didn’t say anything after, too exhausted to even think about starting an argument with him, simply not wanting to. 

But then, an hour later, Kaz felt fear trickle into his stomach like it hadn’t ever in his life.

“And then theres Supernova. It’s like a star that’s dying having it’s last celebration. Like when we get a really big win, or when we get away with what we intended to get away with, and we all get shitfaced before we collapse onto our beds and sleep for the night? A supernova is a dying stars explosion. It’s the last celebration that the star has before it dies out.” you’d been rambling.

“Tonight is my... tonight is my...” Kaz had called for Nina right then and there, screaming her name while he felt you go slack against him.

“Zenik!” He screamed, not caring at all if he were to wake up Jespers father. “Zenik, call in that fucking favor with the bloody Ravkan prince!” Matthias came barreling out after her, phone in hand, already speaking to someone as Nina began working, steadying your heart and trying her hardest to keep you alive. 

Kaz had to force himself to walk away from it all, pushing his feet away after giving your shoulders one last squeeze and walking far out into the field. 

Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he couldn’t stop himself. Tears flooded his eyes and he found himself glaring at the sky, wanting to scream, wanting to shout, wishing that there was someone around that he could gut like a fish. 

“Saints,” he murmured through gritted teeth. “Sankt Ilya, Sankt Adrik, Sankta Alina of The Fold, I know I am a terrible person, but Y/N is not. They’re good, they smile, they laugh, they’re kind to others when those people probably don’t deserve their kindness. I know I’m damned, I know that you probably strongly dislike me, but they’re different.” He’d never asked the Saints for anything before, and he never would again.

“Please, just, let them live. Let them get the life that they deserve. I’ll do my best to make them happy, but you have to let me,” he wiped the tears from his eyes as they came. “They deserve the life that you’re so willing to take away, and all I ask is that you don’t take it.” He heard the sounds of the ambulance car and raced back to you, gripping your hand as they helped you onto a stretcher and out of the field, through the house and out the entrance. 

I won’t lose them, he told himself. A world without them is one that’s unbearable. 

O N E Y E A R L A T E R 

You laughed as Nina chased you through the halls of the Little Palace, running quickly through the endless corridors, your laughter carrying through them as you kept yourself in front of Nina.

Nikolai had kept you in the Os Altan palace since that night, where Inej laughed and danced and did her flips, whilst Wylan played the piano and Kaz sat beside you, listening to your ramblings without a care in the world. 

“You seem delighted,” Nikolai noticed as you stopped in front of his office. “I’ve never seen you walk without that Brekker boy at your side, much less run while Zenik is on your tail!” You shrugged, laughing as Ninas front crashed into your back.

“This is the best I’ve felt in a year,” you murmured. “I figured I’d see if Nina was up to chase me around this morning, and I haven’t stopped running since!” You peered in through the open office door, looking for that familliar mop of dark brown hair.

Nina wrapped her arms around you and gave you a gentle squeeze. “He’ll be here any minute,” she murmured. “He and the boys are just finishing up a job for Nik in East Ravka, but Matthias told me the second that they’d left!”

“Trust me. Y/N,” Nikolais smooth voice murmured. “I put them on one of my fastest boats. I knew how long it’d take them to get from here to east Ravka and back, and I promised him he’d be here when you finally awoke.” 

“Hows it feel, anyway?” Zoya appeared at his side. “Eighteen, I mean.” You shrugged.

“I miss Kaz,” you murmured bluntly. “I hate that I have to tell him that he was right, but I still miss him.” 

Nikolai took Zoyas hand, pulling her close as you and Nina watched, smiles on your faces. 

“Young love,” Zoya teased. “Zenik, let go of them so that they can turn around.” Nina obeyed, letting you go and moving to lean against the doorway with Nikolai and Zoya. 

You turned, and smiled when your gazes met. “You were right, Brekker,” you murmured, walking toward him as he held out your gift to you. “I’m better now, and the second that you’re ready to spar, I’m gonna beat your ass, even though you’ve your cane as a weapon.” He grabbed your pinky with his the moment you were within distance.

“How’d the heist go?” You murmured once the two of you had walked out of earshot. 

“Good,” Kaz let himself be close to you as you two moved, squeezing your pinky as you slowed your steps. “Plan went off without a hitch, for three idiots and a mastermind with a limp. I brought you this from it,” he held the gift out to you again, and you took it in your free hand, examining it.

“I had to ask permission for that,” he murmured. “I had to get the Ravkan kings seal of approval to steal that for you.” You laughed, looking it over.

It was a journal. Black and leather bound, pages crisp and untouched. A pen was tucked into the cover. 

“I promise, we’ll go home soon,” you responded. “I miss Ketterdam. I could go for some waffles.” 

“Don’t they have waffles here?” Kaz questioned.

“Not Ketterdam waffles, love. Ketterdam waffles are unlike any pathetic waffle from here! Doused in syrup and whip cream--” You let out a satisfied sigh. “So good it’s almost surreal!” Kaz smirked.

“Waffle date when you’re well enough to return home then?” 

“Certainly.”

[crowsnotvultures]

do you have a favorite soc quote?

No. I have like 30. Buckle up:

I’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I’m going to get my girl.

"Who's Mark?" asked Wylan.

She had to live. She had to have made it out of the Ice Court. And if she hadn’t, then he had to live to rescue her.

“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

She poked him in the chest. "Stop that." "No. I'm beguiling you.”

“I don’t know!” Jesper said angrily. “Maybe I liked your stupid face.”

He needed to tell her ... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he’d begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. He needed to thank her for his new hat.

"Just girls?”

“Nina,” he whispered, “little red bird. Don’t go.”

“No one dances the minuet any more,” grumbled Wylan.

“What do you want then?” The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie's voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.

He looked at her then, eyes fierce, mouth set. It was the face he wore when he was fighting.

“I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”

“Though he’d trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.”

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath. It was the vow of the druskelle to Fjerda. And now it was Matthias’ promise to her.

It was because she was listening so closely that she knew the exact moment when Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the Barrel and deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted.

"Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what the big players do.” “You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone to...”

“Matthias the tulip.” “The big, brooding, yellow tulip.”

“You came back for me.” “I protect my investments.” Investments. “I’m glad I’m bleeding all over your shirt.” 

Say you’re sorry. That was the last thing Inej had said to him. What had she wanted him to apologize for? There were so many possibilities. A thousand crimes. A thousand stupid jibes.

“My Wraith could counsel mercy. But thanks to you, she’s not here to plead your case.” Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.

“Stay,” she panted. Tears leaked from her eyes. “Stay till the end.” “And after,” he said. “And always.”

“What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?” “Knife to the throat?” asked Inej. “Gun to the back?” said Jesper. “Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina. “You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.

For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too.

But there was no mistaking it. Kaz Brekker was grinning like an idiot.

“Kaz, you creepy little genius, the plan worked. You got us a tank.” “They got us a tank.” “We have one,” Matthias said, then pointed at the horde of metal and smoke bearing down on them. “They have a lot more.” “Yeah, but you know what they don’t have?” Kaz asked as Jesper rotated the tank’s giant gun. “A bridge.”

“We have a tank and a moat,” said Nina.

“You shouldn’t make friends with crows,” he’d told her. “Why not?” she asked. He looked up from his desk to answer, but whatever he’d been about to say had died on his tongue. The sun was out for once, and Inej had turned her face to it. Her eyes were shut, her oil-black lashes fanned over her cheeks. The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world.

“Why not?” she’d repeated, eyes still closed. He said the first thing that popped into his head. “They don’t have any manners.” “Neither do you, Kaz.” She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

Aaaaaand I’m gonna stop there for today. Thanks for the ask, I know you got a lot more than you bargained for <3

[aelingalathyniusrailme]

grishaverse quotes that I love

“I am not ruined. I am ruination” this quote fucking gives me shivers. like genya did not have to go off like that

“the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive” I would love to be able to explain why I love this quote but I can’t. it’s just so good.

“Kaz leaned back. "What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?"

"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.

"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.

"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.

"You're all horrible," said Matthias.” this will always be iconic

“When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable” is there anything more nikolai than this quote

“fine” he said with a weary shrug. “make me your villain” don’t mind if I do sexy villain who I love even tho everyone yells at me

-“she was going to leave a trail of blood over the skyline” my knife wife. I already love her but when she goes violent I go feral

-“I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.” my kanej heart is swooning.

-“I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all” you fucking tell him inej, I love a girl who knows her worth

-“It's not natural for women to fight."

"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.” i’m not a huge helnik fan but I fucking love nina

-“He needed to tell her...what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he'd begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. He needed to thank her for his new hat.” yes tell her all of that

-“The problem with wanting," he whispered, his mouth trailing along my jaw until it hovered over my lips, "is that it makes us weak.” well suck it I still want the darkling.

-“Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?” i’m not squealing you are smh

-“What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men” he’s not wrong man

-“Scheming face,” Inej murmured. jesper nodded “definitely”

-“What do you want then?"

“The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie's voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.” someone get me an ambulance because i’m having a heart attack

-“This action will have no echo.” all the feels, all the fucking feels

-“A gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse.” all my babies

-“Greed is your god, Kaz."

He almost laughed at that. "No, Inej. Greed bows to me. It is my servant and my lever.” i love my dramatic ass kazzle dazzle

-You’re stupid about a lot of things, Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I’m going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue.”

Wylan wiped his nose on his sleeve. “He’ll never believe it.”

“Then I’ll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue.” I fucking love wespers energy

-“I’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And i’m going to get my girl” there are so many iconic quotes but we’re going to end with some beautiful kanej

[anxiouspotatorants]

Whoopsy daisy I made a Shadow and Bone random thoughts post:

The costumes in this show are impeccable. I was drooling over all the keftas and the ball gowns in 1.05 and the crow outfits. Hell, even the winter-camo outfits that Mal, Mikhael and Dubrov wore in 1.04 were amazing.

Am I the only one who isn’t surprised by the kruge pronounciation? Because I thought it would sound like how English people say Scandinavian words and I wasn’t wrong.

Coming in to this show as someone who had only read the Six of Crows duology, I expected to at least tolerate Malina based on the trailer clips. I kid you not: less than five minutes into the very first episode they owned my ass. That might be a new record for me.

Seriously the friendship? The pining? The finding home in each other and being able to acknowledge their faults and apologize to each other? Both of them having massive “fight me” energy and protecting each other? Hugs?? Why am I surprised that I ship this?

Some of those scene transitions/flashback edits were so good! Like I know they repeated that meadow scene a lot throughout the season, but the cuts from kid-Mal looking at the rabbit to grown up Mal psyching himself up for the fist fight? Poetic cinema.

The Darkling was horrible and I love it. He wasn’t a carbon copy villain, nor did his complexity redeem him. He was a perfectly complex and understandable monster and I am living for it. I have not been so happy to despise a character in ages and I genuinely bow in gratitude to both the writers and Ben Barnes, because I finally got to enjoy watching a character I did not for one second root for ( #writevillainswellagain)

Look I already loved Jesper in the book but his on-screen translation elevated him from a fave to the fave. I was worried that they would push him into a comedic relief-role, but he got to keep both his heart, his depth, and his humour. Kit Young did an amazing job bringing what was already a great character on page to an even greater character on screen and I once again applaud.

Am I a bit bitter that the casting had some interesting choices for certain roles (aka hiring light skin and mid-size actors for explicitly darker skin and plus-size roles)? Kind of. Do I think there are important discussions worth having about this? Yup. Do I also think that every actor hired for Shadow and Bone did an amazing job and deserve zero hate and massive amounts of love? Also yes.

I had Alexei for one episode and one episode only, and I still miss that poor sucker. This show did a surprisingly good job with making me care about a massive amount of characters considering the screen time they had and the amount of episodes this season had. Good job.

For some reason I expected Inej to be a lot more brooding based on how I perceived her in the books but I love what Amita Suman did with her. Her translation completely recontextualised everything I remember from the books and just brought this truly fresh character to life. Assassin with a conscience indeed.

Also I did love the Kaz we got in this season but I can barely contain myself as I wait for season 2 to be made and for a certain flashback to take place because that moment in the book was visceral and it stayed with me for a long time and I knew before the show announcement that this flashback could become a television moment. 

Speaking of Kaz the crows were so chaotic and messy and I’m here for it. Their interactions with each other and their improvised back-up plans were everything. I somehow didn’t expect the crows to become the comedic relief of the season but it honestly makes so much sense.

A couple episodes in I still didn’t get the Zoya hype (remember I haven’t read the books) but was a massive Genya fan. By the end of the season I was like “oh both of these girls are getting redemption arcs and I am here for it”.

Speaking of redemption I still don’t like Matthias. I’m sorry but I just don’t. I get that he is important to many and that they like his relationship with Nina, but I just don’t have the patience for him and feel like Nina can do better. I still want him to get a redemption... but maybe not through a romance with the grisha woman he repeatedly slutshames, is bigoted towards and chokes at least once (twice if that SoC scene from book 1 happens). That being said this is just how I see him, so feel what ever you feel about him and ship to your heart’s content!

Alina’s journey through this season made complete sense to me. It hurt to see certain things, but they were necessary in my eyes. Seeing her go from this essentially insecure but brave girl to a manipulated pawn to an even stronger and more self reliant girl in spite of everything was amazing. It did feel like a well-written hero’s journey and I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes next.

Apparently a lot of book-readers don’t like Mal (and I am not here to change anyone’s mind about that) but the Mal I saw on the show was amazing. I actually kind of wish we had seen more of who he was outside of his relationship to Alina (f.ex. other flashbacks than the meadow, maybe something about any of his missions while separated from Alina pre-show), but I also loved what we got of him with Alina. We still got to see a guy who was brave, stubborn, flirtatious, a bit judgemental but with a strong sense of humour, and a lot of loyalty (to Alina but also to his friends). I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him.

Milo the goat. Where do I even begin. Not only did we get that Jesper-scene, but their farewell actually became a Chekhov’s gun for Mal in 1.07? Milo is the true hero of the season.

Speaking of 1.07 I loved the tent scene between Alina and the Darkling. She both got to be realistic about her feelings for the Darkling and stand up for herself and for others and call him out. The way I interpret the Darkling, he is the kind of villain who creates a saviour narrative around himself but cares more about power than anything else. He’ll say he’s doing everything to protect his people but is the first to kill the very people he claims to love. And Alina’s tent-speech really hammered that in for me.

I adore Baghra. Is she morally dubious? Yes. Was she incredibly mean to Alina during training to the point where it might have been excessive? Yes. Did she not take any of the Darkling’s bullshit and act as the proper mentor for Alina when the Darkling had said that he was going to train her? Yes. Am I kind of a Baghra stan now? I mean maybe.

The antler-collar was so evil and gross but from a visually narrative stand point it was perfect. 

Also I still have no idea who David is but I want redemption for him too. Honestly I feel like half the supporting cast is gearing up for redemption arcs next season and I am excited for most of them.

Nina’s reaction when she hears Kaz on the boat? Priceless. Actually the whole boat scene from when she goes up on deck again to the cut back to the fold was priceless.

That being said the final scene had me even more ready for season 2.

Jesper kind of gave me messy period-fantasy James Bond? Does that make sense?

And Mal kind of gave me Lois Lane energy? As in he’s the mortal love interest that many assume is the hero/heroine’s weakness but actually functions as their emotional strength and inspiration? Am I reaching here or am I getting somewhere?

Mikhael and Dubrov. What a duo. Absolute madlads.

Also I’d like to see more Nadia if that is possible? Because the few scenes we had of her had me intrigued but then she sort of disappeared? Is she going to be important or was she just more of a temporary supporting character? 

I entered this show a casual Six of Crows fan with mild interest in Kanej and I finished this season a mess. A mess who ships Kanej and Malina and Genya with that David guy even though they had about 30 seconds of screentime together and Zoya with redemption and Jesper with main-character status (hey we’re not getting Wylan until season 2 at least) and kind of those two Ravkan army guys and Nina with anyone else and Matthias with a better redemption storyline and the Darkling with karma! Also, a mess with a whole new set of comfort characters!

[thran-duils]

Lost in Zero Gravity (P.24, FINAL)

Title: Lost In Zero Gravity (Part Twenty Four, FINAL) Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mob Boss!Tony Stark x Mob Boss!Steve Rogers.  Reader is a call girl who runs high end parties. She catches the attention of Tony Stark who invites her back to his room with his friend. She might have performed too well because she becomes their new favorite play toy and they don’t like to share. Words: 2,768 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, prostitution, infidelity, angst, domestic violence, stalking, possessive behavior, drug use

Author’s Note: This took a couple more days than I planned. I had started writing and got to like 1,200 words and then I was like mhm... abandoned that doc and started another. I was grappling between two different paths and I went with the happier one. We’ve had enough angst!

Part Twenty Three || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

ALT ending (not complete, will not be completed)

Balancing the bowl on your stomach, you laid back eating grapes in silence. You were alone in the apartment. Again. Tony had been acting more distant now that you were really starting to show as you came into your sixth month. It smaller things at first, like you caught him staring at your protruding stomach and he looked away quickly when he noticed you saw or sex being from behind more often than not now. But now it was apparent something was wrong. He slept at home half the week now.

It should not be a shock; he had voiced his opposition to the whole thing from the start and you knew that is what was driving the wedge.

The grapes were doing little to satisfy your craving for French fries. You had just had some yesterday and you were trying to be good today. It was proving to be very difficult when you could just have them delivered and Wylan could bring them up for you.

As if on cue, the apartment door open and the smell of fried food hit your nostrils. You moved the bowl and sat up with some difficulty, spotting Tony walking towards the kitchen with a bag. Your mouth was already watering.

He tossed a look over his shoulder and asked, “Still having the craving?” He took in the look on your face and he cracked a smile. “Looks like it. I see I’ve brought you over to the dark side with it being a comfort food.”

“I don’t want this to last,” you said as you stood up, leaving the grapes behind on the coffee table. “I’ll be hundred pounds heavier if it keeps up.”

You sat down at the table, thankful that you had ordered the pillow covers for the chairs; they were far more forgiving on your backside than the plain hardwood. Tony placed a plate in front of you and handed you the ketchup and mustard before going back for his plate. He sat back down at the table in the chair across the table and began to eat.

Silence fell over the table as you ate some of the fries, paying more attention to them than the burger.

After a little while, you could not stand it anymore and you had to ask.

“Are... are we okay?”

Tony stopped eating and looked up at you with a concerned look. He placed his burger down and gave you his full attention. “What do you mean?”

“You seem… off. You have seemed off. The last couple of months. Like you kind of don’t want to touch me.”

He sighed, rubbing at his face. He looked like he was gathering his thoughts and you stayed quiet.

“It bothers me.” You looked at him expectantly, wanting him to say more when he paused. “You’re pregnant, for one. It’s a... thing for me. Just thinking about the baby in there and my dick around it.” You did your best to not crack at that, even the slightest of smirks. You wanted him to explain himself and not interrupt. “But you’re also pregnant with Steve’s kid. It... it makes me uncomfortable.” He paused and chewed on his bottom lip before meeting your eyes. “I don’t like watching him watch you. At the appointments I mean. He’s just... I know how he is and it’s not a good look that he’s giving you. And he’s so touchy feely about it and it makes me angry. Yeah. It makes me angry. That’s it. I hate it. I hate what he did. And he still wins and gets what he wants.”

“He doesn’t have to suffer through any of it and meanwhile you’re over here with body aches and looking down the barrel of the gun of childbirth. And it stresses me out because Steve told me he wanted to be there at the hospital, and I don’t think he should be in the room with you. He doesn’t deserve to be. Because I was done dealing with him after I learned what he had done.” He hesitated and saw you were still listening with rapt attention. He swallowed sharply before his eyes softened and he said calmer, “And it made me angry you gave him this satisfaction. Rewarded him for his behavior in a way. I wish you would have listened to me and just let me pay him out so this wouldn’t be a thing. And now we both have to deal with.”

You were quiet, staring down at your hands.

“I... I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I think about it too. He didn’t even ask if he could touch me when I was on the table the first appointment, he just did it. And I didn’t make a scene. And he just ran with that as permission for whenever he was around me in the room at the appointments, he could touch me however. And still, I didn’t cause a scene because there was a nurse or a doctor in there all the time, and he seemed to know them all, and I didn’t want to have any bad blood with them myself. Just for the baby’s sake. I might not be keeping them but this whole thing isn’t their fault and I want them to have good treatment.”

“And as far as you paying him out… I didn’t want you to do that. I wanted it to be me. I wanted him to get that payment from me so he couldn’t write it off as someone else just taking care of me. And not take me seriously when I said I wanted to be done. It means more coming from me. It sucks, this whole thing is not a cakewalk. But, I think it’ll be worth it in the end. I didn’t have control of the situation at the beginning, but I do now. I made the decision.”

Tony was letting what you said sink in. He grabbed a fry and ate it slowly, looking lost in thought. He finally leaned back and met your eyes again.

“I get that,” he said sounding sincere. “It always means more if you’re the one that made the effort. Not just for them but for you.” He nodded and then said, “And I’m sorry for making you feel lonely.”

Trying to joke, you said, “I’ve got Luna.”

“I hope I’m not that easily replaced.”

“No. You’re not.”

He smirked briefly before saying, “Only three more months.”

“Or less.”

“Or less. Way to be hopeful.”

<><><>

You had had false contractions before, but these were stronger. And they were going on for longer than they had before. Gritting your teeth, you wobbled to the door and opened it.

“Terrence!” you called down the hallway. He was there quickly, and you leaned against the doorframe. “It’s bad.”

“What’s bad?” He asked sounding worried.

“The contractions. They’re longer and hurt. I think it’s time!”

“Let me call Tony.”

He whipped out his cell phone and dialed. He was speaking to him quickly. “Hey, Y/N says she thinks it’s time? I’m not sure. She said they’re longer and hurt more?” You gasped as you felt a pop internally and then wetness. You grasped at your crotch and felt dampness. Terrence had followed your hand and he looked slightly more pale. “Anddddd, I think her water just broke. Do you want me to take her?”

<><><>

A soft cry greeted you as you woke up. When they had brought you into the room, you had fallen asleep almost immediately, exhausted. How long had you been sleeping? You turned your head to the right seeing the baby next to your bed, fussing weakly. There was a nurse there and she noticed you were awake.

“Perfect timing, momma. I think he’s hungry.”

“It’s still here?”

“Yes?” The nurse said looking completely confused by your reaction and probably more so that you called him ‘it’. She watched you closely, looking suspicious.

Clearing your throat, you adjusted in the bed and asked, trying to sound calm, “Has... has the father come yet?”

The nurse shot a look in the corner, looking even more confused than before. You did not have time to follow her gaze before Tony’s voice sounded, “I only texted him five minutes ago.”

He was sitting on the built-in bench along the window. You had not even noticed him, all your focus on the small life next to you.

“He’s probably trying to get away from whatever he’s doing and get through traffic,” Tony continued.

So, Tony had not called Steve while it was happening. You had been in labor for five hours. Steve was not going to be happy that Tony had not contacted him, and he had missed the birth while Tony had been there instead. But you were relieved that Steve had not simply blown it off; when you had been in the delivery room, the thought had flashed through your mind.

The nurse raised up your bed and helped you open your gown. She adjusted a pillow to rest on your stomach and went back to grab him. You were hesitant but you held out your arms all the same, taking him gently from the nurse. She helped push his blanket so he was bare against you. You were trying to not be stiff feeling the contact.

“A little closer. The skin-on-skin contact is good,” the nurse encouraged.

Doing as she said, you forced yourself to relax more. His mouth was wet, and you shivered, causing the nurse to chuckle softly, saying to not worry, you would get used to that.

No you wouldn’t, you thought instead of saying it out loud.

Your finger traced along his cheek as he sucked, his little hand resting on your breast next to his mouth. He was calm now, serene in his eating.

“Looks like you’re a natural,” the nurse commented happily. “Be thankful for that!”

“He’s fine, then?” you asked her, looking up.

She nodded, “Healthy as can be.”

“Good,” you said quietly, looking back down at him. You searched his small face, trying to see any part of Steve. The nose maybe, but it was a little wide. His eyes had not been open long enough for you to see and you were not going to disturb him, choosing to keep him comfortable as he fed.

<><><>

You were woken again when you heard people speaking. Blinking awake, your vision cleared to Steve and Tony talking in low voices by the door.

“You fucking prick,” Steve was saying, sounding pissed. “I told you—”

“I was a little preoccupied as you can imagine,” Tony retorted quietly.

Steve spotted you were awake over Tony’s shoulder, and he sucked his teeth before clearing his throat. Snapping his head back to Tony, he said in a dangerous voice, “I’d like the room. If you can find it in yourself to back off for just a while.”

Tony looked over his shoulder, seeing you watching, and sighed before walking back over and grabbing his coat, sunglasses, and phone. He leaned over you and said, “I’ll be back.” He gave you a quick peck on the top of the head before moving past Steve, the two of them sharing a cold look.

Steve walked further into the room, and you were fixated on him for a moment before you turned your attention towards where the baby was sleeping. He approached and looked down at them, a small smile painted on his lips. Reaching out, he touched their cheek, his smile growing.

“Look at him,” Steve said quietly. “Perfect as can be.” He met your eyes and asked, “No complications?” You shook your head. “Good. And he fed?” You nodded again. “Look at you. Perfect as can be too. Though I am not surprised about that.”

Always with the flattery.

He collapsed into the chair beside the little bed and yours. He looked disappointed when he said, “I wanted to be here.”

“Sorry,” you apologized. “I was a little busy.”

“I’m not blaming you. I should’ve known Tony would be an ass about it. Always has to get a jab in. This one was taking it a little too far but I’m just glad everything went okay and you’re alright.”

“I was surprised he was still here when I woke up afterwards,” you told him honestly.

Steve told you, “I’ll take him when you are ready to discharge. It would look odd for me to take him before. Would raise a lot of questions that I don’t feel like getting into with the hospital.” That made enough sense to you. “Plus, let him get as much milk as he can from you before he switches over to formula and my wife’s. I’m worried he won’t take to hers but maybe he won’t be picky.”

He had never told you the specifics about what was going on with her child and you had not asked. You were sure you did not want to know.

“Well, he latches well enough to me. I hope she doesn’t have any trouble,” you said sincerely. Steve was watching you intently and you asked slowly, “What?”

His voice was soft, “Don’t you want to know what his name is?”

“No,” you told him sharply.

“Don’t want to get attached? I know a name can do that.”

“I don’t want to know,” you repeated firmly.

Steve looked sour for a brief moment before he remarked, “I’ll fill the paperwork out then, so you don’t have to see it. Have they dropped it off yet? The birth certificate paperwork, I mean.” You shrugged and he said, “I guess I’ll have to ask one of the nurses when they come in.”

“I’ll be staying here,” he continued on. “Just to make sure I get that paperwork and I’m here when you discharge. Won’t be leaving that up to Tony again. Unlike him, I’ll text him when you’re ready to go so he’s here to get you and you aren’t stranded here upon discharge. I’d take you myself, but Cecile is going to come to be able to go home with me and… the baby.” He had almost slipped up and you had a feeling he had done it on purpose.

He sat forward again, pulling the little bed closer to him, peering over at the little bundle.

“You did good, dove,” he murmured, his eyes fixated on his son. “I never doubted you for a second.”

<><><>

You stood up from the wheelchair and stood up, stretching a little. “Now that that’s over,” you muttered as Tony opened the passenger door. You had been annoyed they had insisted that you had to take a wheelchair out of the hospital. You had been in there for two days and you just wanted to walk more than just around your room, although that had not been recommended. You needed to take it easy while your body healed.

Steve’s voice sounded from behind you, and you turned your head, seeing him walking out with a woman. Your eyes snapped down to the bundle in her arms, seeing the little boy she was cradling. As if she sensed you, she looked over, locking eyes. You saw her eyes flick to Tony and you saw in real time the realization wash over her features before her eyes snapped back to you.

“Come on, Y/N,” Tony said at the same time as you tore your gaze away from her. His hand was around you, guiding you into the car.

The door closed behind you, and you waited for him to get inside. He was quiet when he did, pushing the start button on the car.

You snuck a glance in the side mirror and saw they were gone, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“Could’ve done without that,” you exhaled.

“I’m sure she could have too,” Tony replied as he pulled away from the curb.

The city passed by as he weaved in and out of traffic. Your hands rested in your lap, watching the buildings go by. Your hand slipped up and you felt a small pang of loss at the flat abdomen you were greeted with. Your fingers flexed in, trying to force yourself to remember this is what normal was.

You startled slightly, pulled from your thoughts as Tony’s fingers slipped around yours, coming in between yours and your stomach. He closed his grip, holding your hand tight, bringing it back down to your thigh. He was quiet but he squeezed your hand reassuringly.

It was going to be okay, you told yourself.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @icant-hangout-imdrumming @oceaniamaddness @multifandom-superlover @imsonick @holl2712 @here4thefanfics @agustdowney @fanofalltheficsx @buttercandy16 @last-saturday-night @woohoney

[thosesillylittlegayghosts]

Episode 8 thoughts

Omg I’m almost done

Honestly loving all these intros, although my favourites still the crow one

Ohhh wait no nikolais gonna get attacked in the chapel isn’t he

KAZ GAVE NIKOLAI HIS CANE THEY ARE IN FACT BEST FRIENDS

WYLANS HOLDING JESPERS HAT

my man! I mean we haven’t actually put a label on that have we? GOD I LOVE THEM JESPERS SUCH A DISASTER BI I CANT

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID I LOVE YOU

Ding dong mals dead

SLAY ALINA

Darkling shut up. No one cares and I mean that literally

SLAY SHE DID IT GUYS

NIKOLAI NOOO

INEJ GHAFA DOING A SPIN MIDAIR WAS SOMETHING I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED

Lol look at him talking about how he’s gonna live while he’s dying

Slay Alina you will in fact save yourself

Inej save her life rn

OMG SHE THREW THE SWORD SLAY INEJ I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Are they seriously tryna push the darklina agenda rn?

OMG NO SLAY SHE JUST FUCKING STABBED HIM

AS SHE SHOULD

Why’s his blood black?

NIKOLAI MY BELOVED ITS GONNA BE OKAY NOT FOR A LONG TIME BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL BE

Kick him zoya he deserves it

IS BURNING THE DARKLINGS BODY THE BONFIRE THE CAST WAS TALKING ABOUT?? DO THEY LITERALLY HAVE A BONFIRE AROUND HIS BODY?

Also there’s still 49 minutes left I’m not entirely sure I want to watch them

Who’s body?

KAZ KNOWS POETRY?!

God Nikolais best mates dead and he’s so heartbroken

Kaz go to Inej challenge

Does Alina not lose her powers?

Not Kaz watching Inej

Nikolai and zoya in the same sentence….that it. Is that all we’re getting?!

THEYRE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER

JESPER I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF

YES KAZ GET THAT MONEY

Tamar and Nadia holding hands!

JESPER BROKE THE FOURTH WALL

OH SHIT WHAT?? DOES MAL NOT LOVE ALINA ANYMORE?!

Nina and Kaz being besties

Nina talking about clawing her way to a happily ever after and KAZ LOOKING AT INEJ

NO MATTHIAS DO NOT TEAM UP WITH PEKKA

NO NO DAVID BETTER NOT BE DEAD ALREADY

NOT A RUBY AND THE DESIGN FOR A RING NO FUCKING WRITERS NEED TO CHILL THE HELL OUT WHAT THE FUCK

IT WAS BAD ENOUGH IT WAS THEIR WEDDING DAY BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN GET ENGAGED

WHY IS THE DARKLING GETTING MORE OF A FUNERAL THEN DAVID

Zoya and Nikolai finally in the same place and they’re not even gonna flirt

Ngl them having this conversation over the darkling burning corpse is a power play

AHHH THE BEE OMG THATS SO SMART THATS ACTUALLY SO SMART CAUSE ONLY SHOW WATCHERS ARENT GONNA NOTICE ANYTHING

OMG WHAT MALS GONNA BE A PRIVATEER?! WHAT

Yeah but if your paths are that you both decide not to see each other again that’s not really proving anything is it?

MAL DIDN’T GET THE TATOO THANK GOD

Bestie Alina don’t cry he’s really not worth it

INEJ PRAYING IN THE CHAPEL

Is that Kaz brekker? Yes it is!

AYYY MATTHIAS GOT HIS PARDON

AHHH HES SAYING GOODBYE BUT KAZ BREKKER DOESNT SAY GOODBYE

HES BEEN SENDING SPIES TO AUCTIONS TO TRY AND FIND THE GUY WHO KIDNAPPED HER

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER FAMILY BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT HER TO LOSE HER BROTHER

INEJ PRAYS FOR JORDIE

WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?!?!! AHHHHH HE WAS GOING TO SAY YOU INEJ YOU AND THEN HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND SAID ABOUT THE GOLD

HIS MOUTH STARTED MOVING TO SAY YOU AND THEN HE STOPPED HIMSELF

HE ASKED HER TO STAY

FUCK OFF IM NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

STAY IN KETTERDAM STAY WITH ME

I WANT YOU TO I WANT YOU

THEYRE TECHNICALLY HOLDING HANDS

AND HOW WILL YOU HAVE ME

I WILL HAVÉ YOU WITHOUT YOUR ARMOR KAZ BREKKER OR I WILL NOT HAVE YOU AT ALL

I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS LIKE AT ALL

Off topic but Inej looks so gorgeous

ITS THE WAY THE TWO MAIN KANEJ SCENES IN THIS SHOW BOTH TAKE PLACE IN PLACES OF WORSHIP?!

THE HOPE IN HIS EYES WHEN SHE SAID I WILL HAVE YOU

AHHHH NADIAS GOING WITH TAMAR

AHHH MALS STURMHOND NOW?!

OMG INEJ IS GOING WITH

FUCK OFF NO WHAT

I WAS CONCERNED A FEW EPISODES BACK THAT TOLYA WAS CRUSHING ON INEJ AND NOW IM SCARED AGAIN

ISNT HE ARO IM PRETTY SURE HES ARO

It’s giving pirates of the Caribbean theme song

YES INEJ IS HUNTING SLAVERS

BUT MAL IN NIKOLAIS COAT IS DODGY

NO MATTHIAS HAS TO FIGHT WOLVES

PEKKA ROLLINS GO KILL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW

MINOR SLAY FROM MATTHIAS?!

OOOOO NINAS PIIIISSED

Oh shit Nina the letter!!

HES BUYING OUT INDENTURES FOR INEJ

AND THAT GIRL KESH FROM THE FIRST EPISODE

Aaaaaa slay Nikolai

Nooooo Nikolai

HE LOOKS LIKE THAT FANART THE OUTFIT DOES WITH THE BREECHES

AHHHH HES TURNED INTO A DEMON

SLAY ALINA HONESTLY THAT CROWN IS A GOOD LOOK

NOT UNLESS YOUR THINKING OF ME INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FORGET HIM

AHHH NIKOLAI AND ZOYA IN THE SAME ROOM AGAIN

Zoya and genya are also looking gorgeous

YES ZOYA YOU COULD INDEED FIX HIM

Omg so is the triumvirate gonna be zoya genya and Alina rather than David?!

But I look amazing in blue YES YOU DO

OMG ZOYA CALLED THEM A TRIUMVIRATE (which is also not how I thought it was pronounced like at all)

AN OPPORTUNITY HAS PRESENTED ITSELF METHINKS ITS THE ICE COURT

WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TO GET INEJ BACK NO?!

Ayyyy nikolais officially king

Are divorces a thing? If Nikolai and Alina get married then they just get divorced and Nikolai can end up with zoya right??

JURDA PAREM

SHES GONNA TRY KILL NIKOLAI

Oh god turn nikolais coronation into a bloodbath why don’t you

Slay Alina