#like we are 100% part of the pack here im so lost for words

[shkika]

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE ME SO I RECORDED IT??

A scavenger watched me struggle for a while and helped me reach a vent by throwing a spear for me. I climbed up with him beforehand and I have chieftain. A group literally helped me kill a vulture, they are peaceful, you can see the scav wait for me to move out of the way I'm so stunned.

I didn't know it's ai could do that?? Does anyone have any explanation or did this guy have sentience what??

[reidsnose]

completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly (spencer reid x reader)

overview: spencer helps his best friend talk through her emotions

genre: angst? and fluff

warnings: mentions of cheating, bad coping mechanisms, idrk what else reader being upset for a little bit

a/n: this has been sitting in my notes app FOREVER but idk how i feel ab this one im usually strictly fluff so yall lmk :)

masterlist

you hated talking about your feelings. you knew it was unhealthy to keep it bottled and and 'deal with it on your own' but that didn't stop you from doing exactly that.

the worst part about your feelings right now was that you isolate to cope with them. you didn't want to interact with anyone at all because more likely than not you would lash out at them on accident. it just slips out sometimes.

when you trudged into the bullpen with your head down and your hands fidgeting with your zipper, you didn't even notice all eyes on you. you werent your usual happy self. you weren't being loud, you weren't cracking jokes. you were just begrudgingly existing amongst your favorite people and they knew there was something wrong.

"good morning gorgeous, its a paperwork day! that means no traveling!" garcia informed you brightly, trying to lighten my mood.

"oh. cool. thanks." you answered back, flashing her as much of a smile as you could muster after realizing the harshness of your words.

she shot morgan a look, to which he raised an eyebrow.

"hey pretty lady," he began as he walked over to you, "whats going on? did you drink some grumpy juice for breakfast?"

"no. im fine." you replied flatly, making your way to your desk.

"what in the world.." he whispered to garcia, not knowing you could still hear.

or maybe he did know. maybe he was trying to get on your nerves. no. this is the irritability talking. morgan was just being a good friend.

you groaned at your computer, retyping the same password for the 4th time.

this time Prentiss shot you a look.

"is everything ok?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"yeah my computer is being stupid." you rolled your eyes as it finally let you in.

"oh i know the feeling. if you need any help-"

"I'm alright. thanks." you cut her off, eyes glued to the file you were working on.

JJ, who had witnessed the whole interaction unfold, stood with her mouth agape.

"spence, your bestie needs you!" JJ tapped his shoulder and motioned to you.

he watched your jaw rhythmically clench and unclench. your tell. thats what you always did when you were irritated or angry.

"hey y/n," he hummed, sitting lightly on the corner of your desk, crinkling some of your paper work.

"Reid! my files!" you cried, swatting his thigh. he got up and murmured an apology.

"are you ok?" he asked simply, crouching down to meet your height as you sat in your chair.

"why does everyone keep asking me that!"

you knew why. you were being a bitch.

"you just called me Reid." he stated.

"its your name." you replied, not meeting his gaze.

"yeah but you always-" he began.

"I'm not in the mood right now."

he sighed, "if you need someone to talk to-"

"i don't need anyone to talk to because theres nothing to talk about!" you interrupted, causing him to furrow his eyebrows at the tone of my voice.

'i shouldn't be mean to him. why am i acting like this?' you thought to yourself

"ok, ill be over there if you need me," he threw his hands up in surrender.

you mumbled an ok and went back to distracting yourself with work. you were so invested in filing these cases you completely lost track of time and before you knew it, it was just you, Hotch, and Spencer left in the office. you vaguely remembered waving goodbye to your other coworkers but you didn't remember it being nearly 6pm.

"guys go home, you've done a lot today," Hotch said as he crossed the bullpen, making his way towards the glass doors.

"yeah i will i'm almost done," you answered, not looking up from my screen.

"good night, Hotch," Spencer called from the break room.

you stared at your screen, eyes burning. you did enough. you cant escape confronting your feelings much longer. you sighed as you began packing up.

as if on cue, Spencer walked out of the break room with two cups in his hands, steam rising from the both of them. your mood softened just a bit.

"here," he handed you your drink which he had filled with your favorite tea and sweetened just the way you like it.

"you didnt have to." you replied, setting down the warm cup as you finished packing up. he mirrored your movements, resting his satchel across his torso before picking his drink back up.

"i know." he answered simply, a gentle smiling resting on his lips before he took a sip of his own tea.

"im sorry for snapping at you earlier." you apologized, finally meeting his gaze. his eyes were soft and sweet and you felt a pang of guilt in your heart as they looked into your own.

"its ok. do you want to tell me why?" he asked, walking to the elevator with you.

"no. yes? i dont know. its stupid." you replied, looking down at the floor as you recounted your reason for my anger today.

"its not stupid." he spoke softly.

you scoffed lightly, "you dont even know what it is."

"so tell me."

"but its dumb!"

"y/n." he warned.

"my ex boyfriend, Ashton, is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with." you sighed, walking through the parking lot with Spencer.

"ah so Trashton put my favorite ray of sunshine in a bad mood." he joked, breath swirling around the cool air as he spoke

you let out a weary chuckle, "its not like i miss him or anything, i just wish i had someone! not him- i just- i want- ugh i don't know how to word this!" you grew frustrated, furrowing your eyebrows and balling your hands into fists.

you knew exactly how to word it.

you wanted Spencer.

"its ok, take all the time you need." he whispered, leaning on the hood of your car. you joined him, resting as you took a sip of your tea.

"why am i not good enough to be loved." you stated the question rather than asking it, eyes filling with tears.

"you are good enough and i promise you that you are loved more than you know." he affirmed gently, turning to face you.

"do you know why we broke up?" you asked, knowing if you acknowledged his previous comment you wouldn't be able to continue without sobbing.

"because he cheated on you." he answered confidently.

"no." you shook your head, fighting back tears.

"what? he didn't cheat on you?"

"he did. and i was going to forgive him for that."

Spencer started getting riled up, "what! why? you're worth more than that scumbag! you shouldn't ha-"

"Spencer just let me finish!" you cut him off. he went silent, chest rising and falling more rhythmically than it had seconds earlier. "he wanted me to chose. him or you."

"him or me?" he furrowed his eyebrows, voice much quieter now.

"mhm." you hummed not meeting his gaze, your cheeks redder than you'd like to admit.

"i don't understand." he breathed.

"he thought i was cheating on him with you. he had no proof and it w-"

"oh this is all my fault. y/n i'm so sorry!"

"no! spence its not your fault!" you grabbed his arm to reassure him.

"it is! your boyfriend broke up with you because of me! and now you're sad and lonely and its all my fault!" he cried, looking worriedly into your eyes.

"first of all, i broke it off with him, he just gave the ultimatum. secondly, you did me a favor."

"how?"

"by showing me who i was really dating. a cheating, insecure scumbag who was quick to replace me when i left."

"i guess thats true."

"and id pick you over him any day." you admitted, looking back down at the ground. he nudged your shoulder playfully and you cracked a sad smile

"im sorry i made you sad and lonely."

"you didnt. id be sad and lonely anyway."

"why? you would still have a boyfriend if it wasn't for me."

"i don't want a boyfriend if it isn't you."

shit. shit.

the words toppled out of your mouth before you could stop them.

"what?" he asked, wide eyes and looking a little shocked. spencer was sure in that very moment that if he heard you correctly hed simply explode.

"i- no this was a bad idea. i just ruined everything didnt i!" you were speaking more to yourself, exasperated at your own stupidity.

"no," you felt him place a finger to your chin and lift your gaze to meet his, "im glad you said it because now i can admit it."

"admit what?"

"that im completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you."

"spencer dont play with my heart like this. are you being serious?"

"yes. i am." he said with a strange confidence than you had never heard before. hesitant but sure.

"oh thats so lucky because i am completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you too." you admitted, feeling about 100 pounds lighter, like you could fly. he pulled you into a bone crushing hug which you eagerly accepted. "i should talk about my feelings more often."

he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head, "yes you should."

world littlest taglist:

@mac99martin

[glassartpeasants]

I’m Sorry

Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: Angst, like REALLY ANGST

A/N: I came up with this at work, i literally wrote down an entire plot to a story in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if i should feel proud or ashamed

~~~

You sat in your car sighing heavily as you put the seat down to look up at the stars, since you had opened your sunroof. Your arms going behind your head to create a make shift pillow as you waited for your boyfriends response.

Tomura Shigaraki, Leader of the League of villains was your boyfriend, and god did you love him. You loved him more then anything else in the world. But for some reason it felt like he was ignoring you. You look at the text your sent and just stared at it wondering if you said something wrong. You scanned over it again realizing he just hadn’t opened it yet.

You grab the necklace that was hanging around your neck and fiddle with it between your fingers. The metal reminding you of when he officially asked for you to be his.

The necklace was a symbol of devotion to one another. You always wore the necklace cause it made you feel butterflies every time you looked at it. Shigaraki always wore his too. It was so romantic,

Well it was romantic.

You had noticed recently that he stopped wearing it, or forgetting. You didn’t mind at first cause everyone’s forgetful sometimes but it did bother you when it became a regular thing. He’d always say he left it on his nightstand or took it off when he was going to bed. These were all rational explanations but he didn’t even bother to put it back on. It felt like you guys were drifting apart, which ripped a hole right through your heart.

Not to mention every time you went into the hideout, everyone gave you looks of pity. You don’t know why they did but you weren’t gonna question it. You refused to believe that Shigaraki would do anything to hurt you.

~~~

After your little session in the car you had gone grocery shopping for the League, something you would do often. They gave you a list of food they wanted and you got it for them.

You packed up all the groceries in your car and drove towards the building. You smiled all the way there. They didn’t know you were coming it was going to be a suprise! Oh won’t Shigaraki be happy!

You park outside the building and as you got out you see a lady coming out of the building you’ve never seen before. Normally you wouldn’t mind someone like that but...

She had Shigaraki’s hoodie on.

“Hey wait miss! Can i speak to you?” You said running up to her.

“Oh of course, what do you need?”

“Um i was wondering where you got the jacket from? I really like it.” You lie, you wanna know why this woman has your man’s jacket on, but you wanna hear what she has to say first before you go ape shit.

“Oh its my boyfriends! Isn’t it cool! That’s not the only thing he got me either, he gave me this necklace as well. He told me that as long as i have this on, it would show how much i love him. Isn’t that romantic!” Your heart shattered in your chest. You couldn’t believe it. No you wouldn’t, he said he only loved you. How long as this affair been going on? You needed more answers.

“That’s super awesome! How long have you guys been dating?” You smile holding back your tears and the burning urge to scream out of your chest.

“Almost 1 year!” She was so happy, could you tell her? Would she even believe you? She seemed even more happy then you been for the part 2 months, she seemed to be everything you weren’t.

Long hair, curvy, not an inch of skin imperfections, and lets not forget how much bigger her chest was compared to yours. She was everything a man could ever want. Hell she was there for most of your relationship, you guys have been dating for a year and 4 months.

“IM so happy for you! I have to go but i hope to see you later!” You lie through your teeth, you never wanted to see her again.

She drove off while you open the doors to the building looking down as tears streamed your face, your lungs burning with the need to scream and sob.

You open the door to the main room where Shigaraki sat with, Dabi, Spinner. Toga, and Twice. Your arms shaking as you could feel everyone staring at you.

“(Y/N) what brings you here?” Spinner asked before you pushed past him, you grabbed the necklace from off your neck, pulling it off letting bits and pieces of the chain to fall onto the floor. You throw the necklace at Shigaraki before slapping him across the face.

“How fucking dare you! Your such an inconsiderate piece of shit! You thought i wouldn’t find out?! Was she good huh?! Was she worth it?!” Your screams could e heard through the entire building, everyone’s eyes on you as you screamed at their leader. Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, you could see it behind father.

“I-”

“Don’t say a thing! I should have never agreed to be your girlfriend! Was it because she had a better body then me?! Did she satisfy your fucking needs?!” Your rage was outstanding as more tears streamed down your face, the pain of knowing your supposed love of your life was going around with other women. Shigaraki said nothing as he took the screams, his eyes soon looked uninterested and bored, which only fueled your fire.

“You know what fuck you, i wish i never met you. Enjoy that bitch cause im done!” You only cry more as you ran out of the room and out of the building, getting into your car and driving off.

Shigaraki didn’t move an inch as trying to keep his composure. But on the inside he was shaking. He was going to break it off he promised! He was going to the next time he saw her, why couldn’t you have come a little later? Why did you just show up damn you!

Your words cut like knives into Shigaraki’s skin, as the image of you crying kept replaying in his head.

“Nice job Handman.” Shigaraki turned his head towards the burnt male.

“IT’s not your place to talk so shut the hell up.”

“It’s not your place to talk either, must suck knowing the girl that would have taken a bullet for you left you. But can’t say i didn’t see this coming.” Shigaraki stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to figure out a way to make you come back.

~~~

1 month later

Ice cream.

As stereotypical as that sounds, ice cream had become your best friend for the past few weeks. You just ate your heart away, not mentioning that you threw up everything you ate.

After your fight with Shigaraki you blocked him on everything. His number? Blocked. His gamer profile? Blocked. Everything was blocked.

You had even moved to another part of town, he knew where you lived so you just deiced to up and leave, your lease was over soon anyways. You thankfully found another apartment. It was small but it was perfect for you.

You’ve watched the news a few times looking for any sign of Shigaraki and his plans. But nothing occurred.

“Aw shit-” You ran to the bathroom as fast as you could about to throw up everything you ate that day.

~~~

“Well fuck.” You look down at the home pregnancy test. A positive home pregnancy test.

“What do i do now?” You sat down on the bathroom floor looking up at the ceiling. You liked kids so having on shouldn’t be a problem right? 

But the fact that it was your cheating ex’s is the problem...

“No! I will not think about that crusty rat anymore! I don’t need him to be happy i have everything i need right here!” You say to yourself as you get up off the bathroom floor.

“I will take care of this baby and I’ll be the best mother that their could possibly be!” You hype yourself up as smile to yourself. He may be Shigaraki’s child ut that doesn’t mean you can’t love your kid. You would love the kid to the ends of the earth, and no cheating ex will stop that.

~~~

Shigaraki laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he’d actually lost you.

He tried contacting in in every form possible, once he realize you blocked his number. Once he called from a payphone only to find out you changed your number as well.

He broke off ties with the other girl, hoping it would bring you back. Which it didn’t. 

Now he was alone again, the feeling of emptiness crept back up from the depths of his mind as his bed was cold. Your body no longer there to warm it. It ate him alive, the realization that he would never feel your fingertips brush through his hair again or the comforting words you said that put him to sleep.

His thoughts were his own worse enemy, he hated how much that fateful day replayed in his head. Over and over again until it corrupted his everyday life.

His bitterness was soon taking over. The madness that was Tomura Shigaraki slowly crept into his thoughts. Corrupting them, warping his mind making it seem like you were in the wrong not him.

He couldn’t bare to handle the insufferable guilt that he felt so he occupied himself with work. Running the LOV to escape the fractured pieces of his mind.

Within 3 months you were no longer plaguing his mind.

~~~

We skipping to when reader give birth

As you laid down in the hospital bed with your newborn child in your hand you couldn’t help but tear up. 

You were 100% sure that your little girl was going to look like her dad, hell she even had the same eyes and mole. 

But you couldn’t dwell on the fact she didn’t have a single feature of yours yet all you could think about was the amazing smile she gave you as soon as she saw you.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” You cooed at the baby as she giggled at you. She reached her little chubby baby hands at you and grabbed your nose. You chuckled before giving her a kiss on the cheek as you sung her a little lullaby in your arms.

~~~

2 Years later

You watch the TV as the war keeps going on. Fighting and war is all people seem to do nowadays. You were afraid, your not even scared to admit it. After hearing about Shigaraki and learning that He’s now the leader of a huge army made you very scared for your daughter. HE may not know she exists but it still scares you.

You sigh at the Tv before getting up and putting on your jacket getting ready to pick up your daughter from your parents house.

You step out of your door and lock it before going down to your car. Putting your purse in the passenger seat as you buckled up and started the car before pulling out on the road.

Little did you know someone was watching...

~~~

“Pwease! pwetty pwease!” Your daughter whined trying to convince you to let her play on the swings near your parents house. You looked at your daughter as she gave you the puppy eyes.

“Fine, your lucky i love you so much.” You daughter squealed as she ran to the swing and waited for your help.

You laugh as you put your daughter in the baby swing and push her a little bit. Her baby blue hair moving along with the motions. You were right when she got her appearance from Shigaraki but she had your facial features.

‘At least she got something from me’ You chuckled to yourself before you hear your daughters giggles grow quiet.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Concern wired in your voice. She kept on looking on the other side of the street, so you look too.

Once your eyes were scanning for a bit they blew wide open as a patch of similar blue hair caught your vision.

No it couldn’t be....you moved how did Shigaraki... how did he find you?

You pick up your daughter before quickly walking towards your car. You car was in eye sight before a gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Is she mine....”You back stiffened as you felt his eyes burning into you. There was no escaping him at this moment.

“Mommy who’s that?” Your daughter asked, her little body trembling as she looked at the hooded man in fear.

“Shigaraki, take your hood off your scaring her.” Your voice stern, laced with poison as all the emotions waved over you once more.

“You know i can’t do that. Answer my question, is she mine.” His voice laced in the same poison you once spoke in.

“No shit sherlock.” You look at him as you hear him let out a huff of air.

“Can...can i see her...” His voice was weak as you saw his hand twitch. HE refused to look at you the entire time.

“You think I’d let you see her?! Shigaraki look at yourself! Your an S-Class villain! If people saw you with her they’d go after her! Im not letting you see her.”

“I know im a villain but she’s my kid too damnit!”

“You didn’t even know she existed! Why now huh?! Why after almost 3 years do you decide to show up now huh?!” Your voice shooting daggers into Shigaraki’s heart once more.

He happened to stumble by you guys on accident, he was walking home from getting a new game when he heard your voice. It may have been years but he could always remember your lullaby you use to sing him to sleep. He walked over to your location and dropped the game on to the cold concrete as he saw you holding a little girl in your arms.

His crimson eyes widen as he stared at the exact copy of himself. There was no way, how could you not have told him?

“Let me guess you accidentally saw us and now you want to be with me again?!” You screamed at him but immediately stopped when you heard sniffling coming from the little girl in your arms.

“Hey, Hey its okay Sayori, mommy’s just a little angry that’s all, im sorry for screaming.” You say as your run your fingers through her hair.

“Please...just...can i not even look at her.....” You could hear it, the pain in his voice. The tiniest part inside you begging you to give him another chance but the realization of having to protect your daughter over through your love for him.

“No. Shouldn’t have cheated. Not going to let my baby be in harms way because her father can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants.” You turn around and walk away leaving Shigaraki at the playground as you drove off.

Shigaraki felt his soul leave his body as his knees gave out. He started to sob uncontrollably. The once dormant flashbacks of your heartbroken face now replayed in his mind once again. 

Hiccuping as his sobs became much more inaudible. He felt like shit, the thought of his turning up like his father blew his mind as it only added to the pain. Images of what could have been a happy family replay in his head as he could just imagine a world where he has you by his side and his daughter in his arms.

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions ���code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[cosmiclatte28]

Over Cups of Coffees (Sehun x reader)

warning : fluff! flirty sehun! 

enjoy! 

"One ice Americano," the tall guy with ominous aura places his order, for a second the café suddenly feels frozen. He looks and sounds cold, but once he steps into the counter in front of you, you feel the blazing sun of summer, the cute shy smile, and a gentle stare.

"One Americano, less ice?" you question him even when you remember his order nicely in the back of your mind.

The man across you smiles, "You remember?"

You smirk, deep inside your heart you wonder how one could forget if thats the only thing he orders in every single visit.

You take his card, swipe the bill, and rush to brew his cold coffee.

Ever since the cold and hot man enters that door last week, you quickly fell for his demeanor aura. You learn his name when he ordered his first cup of coffee in a bubble tea shop. Though you find it weird why he bought coffee when you guys are known for bubble teas, you did not reject his orders; you even wished with all your heart he will be a regular here.

"One ice Americano coffee to go, for Mr. Sehun," you scream out his name, and when he walks to take the bag, your hand swiftly drops in a piece of cookie inside the paper bag. He saw you and almost say you misplaced an order, but your whisper silence him.

"Its a complementary," You panicked, "Special for the customer who has the queuing number 100."

You see him smile and you hear your coworker stifling a laugh.

"Thank you," Sehun smiles and nods his head as he takes his order, "Thank you, see you!"

He leaves the counter with his expressionless face and your shift continues. You take more orders from other customers.

One of your coworker nudges you when the rush hour is over, and the café is a bit empty. "What was that, did you put in your number on the cookie earlier?" the elf-eared tall man teases you.

You blush, when your mind teases you back with the phrase Sehun said before he left.

"Stop it Chanyeol, I did not drop my number in it. Seriously, I just wanted to treat him a cookie, whats wrong with it?" You shrug your shoulder and choose to leave to take a short break. Well, secretly you scream out of joy when you reach the storage room. Sehun, the man who creates butterflies in your stomach is slowly recognizing you.

The next day, your shift starts and as time ticks by, your heart beats faster as you expect the presence of Sehun. He shows up in his regular time, with his regular cold face just that today he looks a bit tired and annoyed. You pull up your textbook-smile and try your best to control your heating face.

"Welcome, Is it another usual menu, or are you interested in trying todays special menu?" You flash a concern look to him. He catches your attention and runs his eyes through the menu. He sighs and inserts his hands into his pockets.

"Do you have any recommendation for a bad day?"

You nod in a second, "Are you okay with Chocolates?" he nods, you type in a menu and he seems to agree with what you call 'House favorite chocolate bomb bubble tea'

Sehun hands you his card and surprises you when he asks for a table number. He brings his number and sits on the corner, the secluded chair near the windows.

You are quite surprise, he never dines inside. With a question mark in your mind, you prepare his drink and once again sneak in another slice of red velvet cake. Chanyeol catches you again and smiles widely while wriggling his brow, "Go, and take that order to his table. Let me take over the cashier and orders."

You thank him and after tidying your appearance, you deliver the drink and cake to the man sitting alone and lost in his thoughts.

"Here's your drink, and I bring you a cake to cheer you up." You move the drink and cake from your tray to his table.

Sehun's cold façade melts away when he sees the red cake and your sweet attention, "Wow! Am I the 100th customer again today?" He laughs at his own words. You feel like melting into a puddle right then and there.

He takes his time enjoying the cake and reviving his mood with your special brew, you are once again busy behind the counter and running over making different orders of drinks. You can still see Sehun from several quick glances, and that is enough to make you energized until your shift end.

After 10 minutes, the tall man in suit fleets from his chair and queue into the line in front of me. You are perplexed when he shows up again with his shy smile,"I'm here to pay the red velvet and I want the cookies you gave me yesterday. I want two of them, all packed to go." You swipe his payment only for the cookies, the red velvet is from you.

"For someone?" You ask when you take out two fresh baked cookies and wrap them nicely inside a bag.

Sehun shakes his head, "It's for me, and Im working overnight today. The cookies will be my acquaintance tonight."

"Have strength! Good luck," you send him off with a wave of hand.

Thats the last time you ever see him. For a good one week, you never see his nose. Chanyeol teases you repeatedly for waiting and hoping like a fool, but you shush him off. One week feels like a month and the nosey customers really drain your energy.

One night when Chanyeol is already mopping the floor and you're already turning over the chairs, the door opens and a young man in a tidy suit surprises both of you. Chanyeol glances at the door sign; it clearly is turned over already, why is he here.

"Sorry, are you closed already?" the man you missed for one week questions the two of you.

You quickly leave your current work and take over the counter, "No, we can make it work for you. We still have 5 minutes to the closing hour, but feel free to take your time."

"Usual order?" You ask while turning on the brewer and cashier, Sehun nods then take a seat at one of the table you haven't turn over.

Chanyeol bids you goodbye after his mopping is done, and you're left alone with Sehun.

"Please make yourself a drink, can you sit with me for a while tonight? Drinks are on me." he sounds hopeful.

You take his invitation, making yourself a cup of warm coffee. You carry the dark liquids and a plate of cake from the storage.

You take your seat across him, he has his coat off already and he looks breathtaking in his white shirt and loosen tie. He is busy with his cold drink, and you preoccupied your nerves with the warm caffeine. Your heart is almost bursting out of joy, here in front of you the man you crushed, you finally get the chance to sit alone with him only. You don't care what your boss will do to you, if he ever finds out about this.

Sehun picks the fork and pokes the cake, "What is this?"

You snap from your daydream, "Oh, thats a new menu. A rainbow cake, were going to release them tomorrow." He raises his brow in curiosity,

"Each color has different flavor. Please try them." You look at him expectantly when he takes the red part into his mouth. He savors the taste, munches, pokes into the next color, tastes them and when he reaches the 7th color he finally makes his comment.

"Hmm it's cool, a nice idea! It also tastes good. I am sure buying this again." Sehun's eyes brighten and he gulps down his coffee to clean his palettes.

"(y/n)," Sehun surprises you by calling your name. You almost ask where did he learn your name, but you realize you wear name tags every day. "Thank you for opening the café for me, and thank you for sitting here with me tonight."

You shake your head and hands, "No, it's not a problem Sehun. Besides, I can probably help you if you need someone to talk and share stories too. Only if you're willing too," You panicked.

Sehun thinks for a quick second and smirk, "You're probably right. I need to share what's bothering my mind. Great idea!"

It sure is a great idea for Sehun, but not for you. Sehun has just finished his story about his break up with his so called girlfriend he loved dearly. You are actually surprised to find out he has been dating for one year and got dumped last week, because poor Sehun caught her kissing another man in the park. She chose the other guy over him. Sehun concludes that he's now traumatized and he will be staying away from falling in love for a moment. He is hurt, and he doesnt want to fall in love now.

You made a mental note about this, and continue to talk about more things. As the night deepens, the cake vanished, and the coffees finished, you learn each others hobbies and favorite singers.

Sehun helps you clean up the table and turning over the chair. He drops in extra tips into the jar, then he waits for you outside as you turn off all of the machines, lights, and lock the door.

"Thank you for listening to me tonight," Sehun bashfully looks into his shoes.

"Its nothing big, Im happy if youre feeling better now. So, good night Sehun," you wave your hand to him when your bus arrives. He waves his hand back at you and descends into his car.

After that night, you remember his words where he did not want to fall in love yet. That morning, you ensure your heart that the feeling must stop. You ask Chanyeol to switch with you and take over the cashier. You choose to work in the kitchen with your other coworker, Baekhyun. You're not going to fall more into Sehun, no you need to stop before you hurt yourself.

You tell Baekhyun why you're here now and the cheerful man just pats your back, "Aw, you're burying a feeling. It's okay you still have me and Chanyeol. We're both still free and available for blind dates." He winks and succeeds in cheering you up.

Weeks passed by, you work in nice union with Baekhyun baking cakes, and preparing bobas. Your life is bright again even without seeing Sehun, until one day Chanyeol barges into the kitchen and smirks, "(y/n), he's here and he wants to see you. I can't hold it anymore, I've been telling him lies that you're not here anymore, but turns out he saw you and he wants to see you!" today.

"Who?" Baekhyun asks

You freeze in your place, is it really the same man you're thinking of?

Chanyeol sees your reaction, "You want me to shoo him off?"

You shake your head, Chanyeol suddenly remembers something, "Ah yeah, he told me to tell you this. He's ready to try it again. I don't know what he means but he told me to deliver that message to you." Your eyes widen and you turn your body to exit the kitchen door, leaving the two men puzzled.

You quickly run your eyes through the customers inside the small café, but he's not there. Your eyes catch him leaving the door with a glass of Americano in his right hand and a small pack of cookies on his left.

You did not meet him yet, but you know when you will see him again.

Thats right, tomorrow.

The last rays of sun lights are slowly fading off, the sky is beautifully painted orange and purple. You tighten the apron over your waist and with the textbook smile youre taking in orders and payments once again.

"Good afternoon, what can I help you with? Maybe a special menu today? Rainbow bubble tea made especially for you." You wink at the man in front of your cashier counter.

He chuckles, "I'd take that as a yes, if you're going to sit with me in that table at the corner."

You blush and punch in his order, "That means youre having Americano today, because I am not free until my shift ends at 9."

He glances at his watch, "Three hours is nothing compared to a week. Please add a slice of rainbow cake too! I am waiting for my date until 9 tonight." He offers you his deadly smile, and you cannot feel your legs.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun heard everything, when Sehun goes away to his chair; the two men take their cue to mess with you.

"What do you want for a drink? Let me prepare it for you." Chanyeol takes over the cup in my hand and makes the order.

"Of course strawberry boba, right?" Baekhyun winks and walks to take a slice of rainbow cake and cheese cake.

"You love my cheese cakes right? Now, go sit with him and we will take over your part." Baekhyun unties your apron and pushes you to Sehun's table direction.

What? you're surprised with the sudden situation.

"Go get your love, good luck!" the two men unite and push you into his direction. Sehun turns his head and sees you walking to him. He smiles and gets up to pull out your chair.

"Guess this is it, I don't have to wait for three hours by myself, and my date is here already."

[searchingforbucky]

FIC RECS (Part 6) :)

sorry if you got tagged in this again, I'm a dummy and deleted it on accident :( 

Request: Could you recommend me some biker!bucky fics? I’ve read all of @bucky-plums-barnes’ and I’m desperate for more

Alright guys, this is my favorite fic recommendation list I’ve done thus far. Lets buckle up for my absolute favorite AU. This one is LONG. But I just couldn’t stop I love this AU too much to not go on and on lol. These fics are amazing, I tried to keep it to one fic an author, but I stated if they had more! Also the descriptions may be a little smaller, because there were so many I didn’t want this to be way too long :) And shoutout to @bucky-plums-barnes for all of their amazing biker stuff too!

Swallow by @all1e23 

This fic here, is absolutely beautiful. The way Allie writes is so unique, and reading their work is always a wonderful experience. There is never an emotion that goes unfelt by the reader. This fic is a story that perfectly embodies the way love makes you act. Love isnt perfect, its heartbreak, and destruction, and pain, yet above all else its beautiful. Don’t go in expecting a fairy tail, go in expecting tangible realistic love between two broken people. Also, Allie has an amazing story called Home, that I also highly recommend.

New Girl by @omnomsauruswrites 

This was the first biker Bucky story I ever read, and I think thats why its one of my favorite AUs, because I got sun a good start with this fic. I love this story. We’ve got enemies to lovers, biker bucky, and a killer plot twist that I did NOT see coming. All in all it was such a lovely story. Its shorter chapters, but every word is purposeful to making you fall in love with both characters. In the end you get a happily ever after, and you couldn’t ask for more!

Howling’ For You by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Ohh my love, my whole heart is in this fic. This is such an amazing story. I sometimes don’t love the good girl bad boy trope because its overdone and excessive, but THIS. This is so well done, is he protective? Yes. But does he also know she is perfectly capable of being an independent human? Yes! There were so many twists and turns and absolutely heartwarming love between the two characters. I also love how in character every person is. Amazingly well done, would read it every day if I could.

Wild Horses by @whitewolfbumble

Bad Boy exterior SOFT boy middle?? Yes! This fic is so adorable. It really shows the build of the relationship, and thats always my favorite part. It was such a true to life story in my opinion, the reader started of lost and finding her place in the world, then this lovely group of people just accepted her and helped her through her tough times. It was such a heartwarming read, with angst that just solidified the connection between the characters. And the friendship they all had was so refreshing compared to some stories where people are just rude for no reason. Its a short yet sweet read, and I 100% recommend it.

Long Way Round by @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan

This was a hard one to choose, so many amazing biker stories they’ve written! But im a sucker for series’ and this series is so awesome. I LOVE Plus size reader stories, hell yeah representation! Now this story is a TRIP! Its like a really good episode of criminal minds. There are so many details jam packed into this that I couldn’t put my phone down! Shady gangs, corrupt leaders, and a smart as hell reader. This was just such a good read, not even for Bucky, but just for the incredible story telling. Sweet protective Bucky is always a plus though. Also, check out their other amazing stories like The Bounty, and Red Star Rebel, they’re just as amazing as this one!

A Real Sweet Guy by @mycupoffanfiction

I remember when I first read this it was only a oneshot and I was super sad, but then BOOM it turned into an adorable series. Its not done yet but its so good so far! Its the epitome of soft baby boy Bucky under a hard tough guy exterior. The way Ellie portrays relationships between characters is so cute, you feel the love between everyone whether that be platonic or romantic. Its through details that she sets up this lovely little universe that you just get sucked into, and honesty im fine staying there lol. I cant wait to read more of this one!

Rebel by @promarvelfangirl

Okay for this, just a warning, my device has a little trouble with the master list so it may be easier to use the desktop version :) Okay about the story, holy hell this one is cute. Bucky is HOPELESS, and just wants a date, Peter has the worst timing, and Steve just is along for the ride. I love mutual pining fics where one is completely oblivious to the other trying to ask them out, and the other is just trying their best lol. I felt like banging my head on the table very time Bucky got too nervous, but alas! It worked in the end, adorable little fic. They also have a cute set of biker Bucky stories called Fancy hair that I love so much.

Born To Run by @softbiker

Slow burn baby! This one is still in progress but hot damn is it good so far. I love this trope of the girl not really wanting anything to do with the guy but the guy and his friends being like well thats too dang bad! I love the idea that family isn’t what you’re born with, its who you love and who loves you. This fic is absolutely lovely so far, and though obviously I don’t know much about where its going to end up, where it is right now is good enough for me to put it on this list!

Notorious by @interestedbystanderwrites

I know I’ve been going on and on about how much I love Soft sweet Bucky. But I also LOVE badass tough guy who is very scary Bucky. And oh baby is this the perfect fic for that! Bucky is a felon, and a hot one at that. And what he sets his eyes on, he gets. That thing just so happens to be the all to trusting reader. This is such a thrilling fic. It reminds me of baby driver for some reason. I love seeing the cracks that show a bit of sweet Bucky. It leaves me waiting for more! He’s her addiction, she cant help but to stick around. Such a good fic, I cannot wait for more of it! 

Deny Me by @brooklynsboys 

This fic made my heart turn to mush. Its about an insecure reader, and a tough buck who has the softest heart ever but doesn’t know how to show it sometimes. My absolute favorite bucky is the bucky that only his girl gets to see, and this is the perfect representation of that. The way they write is spectacular. They get you to completely understand the feelings the character has without literally just writing it. You are right there in the world with them, feeling what they feel. And who doesn’t love a perfect happy ending?

Whatever it Takes by @sgtjbuccky 

Oh Buddy, lets talk about how much I LOVE this fic. Bucky is the biggest charming jerk there is, but you love to hate him. I was smiling the whole way through this read. Literally my face hurt by the end I was smiling so big! It was cute, and I felt every frustration, yet every single bit of the tension they had. The reader is a smart little cookie, and bucky is too cocky for his own good. If you want a cute extremely well written fic, this is the place to go!

Tender Surprises by @empyreanwritings 

Jesus, talk about tooth rotting tear jerking fluff. You know those videos where the child asks a pseudo-parent to adopt them? Yeah, thats this perfectly embodied in a fic. I cried, read it again, then cried some more. I love how it mixes tough biker Bucky with soft non-toxic masculinity father. We need more of that. It was so perfectly written, the flashbacks are perfectly placed, and give another layer of depth into this familial relationship they have. I love Dad!Bucky and Biker!Bucky, so to have them wrapped into on is perfect.

Softail by @nacho-bucky 

Theres something about the way Cait writes thats just poetic. She could write about my morning routine and it would be art. This fic is no exception. Its the cutest little thing, two people in a diner, brought together by chance and a little bit of courage. Its an adorable little story about trust, and taking a chance. Bucky is supportive and encouraging, reader is a little scared. But it all works out in the end, because everything is okay when you’re with the one you love. 10/10.

You Give Love, A Bad Name by @em-imagines

I love stories like these.  The cocky boy chasing the uninterested girl, yet there is obviously some tension there? Yeah, thats my cuppa tea right there. Also, its a high school AU! Love those. This story is definitely a mixed bag of feels. You get the super cute chase, but you also see a raw side of Bucky, and his unfortunate home life. As sad as it is, I think its a good representation of true life, where there is always something that you don’t know about someone. Theres vulnerability to this, and that makes it such a lovely story to read. Incredibly well done.

What’s On The Inside by @revengingbarnes

Is this technically a mechanic and not Biker AU? Yes. But he rides a motorcycle and its too good to not mention lol. This fic is ADORABLE. Mutual Pining! Shy flirting! Instant Connection! Bike Riding! Its incredibly well done too. Its just one of those feel good stories, it makes you smile, and want to get to know more about the characters. Soft Beefy bucky is my favorite boy, and this is SUCH a good representation of him. My heart was mush the whole way through. 10/10 would read again (for the 12739th time)

Broken by @allthebucky now on @poeticbarnes 

Forbidden lovers y’all, thats it. Like Romeo and Juliet except Bucky is a dummy who doesn’t know the right thing to do, and the reader just wanted truth. Its a short but sweet little fic, theres so much emotion packed into the story too! You feel the pain the reader and bucky hold at different times, but you also feel the longing as well. Its such a cute relationship they have, and I’m always a sucker for bucky putting the reader first!

Over The River and Through the Woods by @geminimoonbeamx

Sure its only September, but that doesn’t mean its not time for a killer Christmas Fic! Also another plus size reader hell yeah! I LOVE the domesticity from this! Its like Love Actually, a bunch of absolutely crazy people coming together, and the reader and Bucky are just trying to get out alive lol. It also really sweet in dressing what its like to be without those you love on holidays. A perfect balance of sweet and serious. Its so cute, and so funny. I have a non conventional family so I can relate to this so much.  The love between the two is so palpable and so heartwarming. 

Home Sweet Home by @sweet-barnes

Their name says it all. This story is just one big ball of sweet biker Bucky and his sleepy gal. I am always looking for those small tooth rotting fics just to boost my feelings for a day and oh man is this is. Bucky is the biggest cuddle bug in history and not even his scary biker persona can change my mind. This fic made me smile so hard, and then want to take a nice nap with the teddy bear Bucky Barnes himself.

Skin by @captain-ariel-barnes

Okay I love this one because I’ve not read another like it. I love how she portrays Bucky as having been in an accident and having memory problems because of it. Its so real and sad when you think about it because its entirely realistic and truthful to life. And boy is Bucky not just the sweetest thing ever. He wants to remember his girl no matter what, so he makes it permanent. Their relationship is so cute. I just love soft Bucky with my whole heart. Amazing story, so well done! 

The Mailbox by @kaunis-sielu

This one was one of the first one shots I read of biker bucky and I still love it so much! Bucky is such a softie, running into mailboxes fixing them, even having Steve paint it? Okay big bad biker guy, you sure are scary… Also, protective bucky yeah baby!! Hell do what he needs to to keep the reader safe, and oh baby if that isn’t like my favorite trope ever. Also the little sassy elements are hilarious. I also recommend their other biker fics such as Stitches, or Just Married. :)

Oh god. That was a long one. Would you believe me if I said I had to cut it from 37 to these 20 here? Hardest decision of my life lol. Thank you all so much for reading until the end. I hope you all love these fics as much as I do! :)

[adhd-sorcha]

Im trying to get into the medical field and I have a super hard time with adhd. Any advice for getting through all that schooling?

I am soooo sorry I took so long to answer this (good thing you didn’t go on anon!). I have no excuse, I’m just like this.

Before I get into anything, I just want to say that I was only diagnosed a few months ago, so I didn’t go through school consciously coming up with ADHD-busting strategies and there were definitely mysterious difficulties that I’m only now understanding but at the time I never managed to sort (*shakes fist at essay based subjects/exams*). I will tell you what I think were my accidental ADHD-helping techniques though! One other thing, I have predominantly inattentive ADHD ( or formerly ADD) so if you or anyone else are looking for tips on how to stay seated for extended periods or anything like that, I’m afraid I’m no help there. Sorry!! Also, since I don’t know what stage you’re at school-wise, I’ll include things that I found useful in secondary school too, in case it’s useful.

So, in no particular order! (this may get long...)

- Diary, diary, diary: In the schools (primary and secondary) here in Ireland you get given a diary at the start of the year. At the end of every class, the teacher writes up the homework and we copy it into our diaries. Great system!! The diary is only for school so it never needs to leave your school bag, so it should be hard enough to forget. I used to only write short notes, eg. Maths: pg 20, part a-e or something like that. It makes it easy to look through at the end of the day when collecting your books to bring home. I used to look at one line, put those books in my bag, then look at the next line. One at a time. And I often double-checked. It made me slower to get ready to leave than everyone else, but hey! I remembered my stuff! I got myself a diary for college when I moved on. They are soooo helpful. And it’s so satisfying to tick things off as you do them!!

- Have ONE school bag: Might sound weird, but I know people who, in college, just bring whatever handbag matches their outfit that day. No! You’re going to forget to transfer something over. With one bag, you can keep your school diary and pens and student card and things like that in it. They will always be in there. No need to go moving them around, they’ll only get lost if you do that. It just helps to limit the things that you have to remember to bring with you, if your bag is already kind of packed as a default.

- Take advantage of desk/locker space: Keep spare items at your desk/in your locker so that even if you forget to put them in your bag, you’re still covered. Things that I’ve kept at desks/in lockers include: spare pair of glasses, hair ties for labs, spare writing paper (so it doesn’t matter if you forgot your copy!), pens/highlighters/pencils, socks (it rains a lot here, probably not the most relevant...). Absolutely anything that you think you may be likely to forget and is safe to leave at school just keep a spare one already there! (maybe don’t leave valuables...)

- Set your timetable as your lockscreen/homescreen: I’ve never done this one personally. I kept my timetable in my diary. I find it easier to read. But, I know a few people who used to make out their timetable in Word or something and set that as the lockscreen on their phone. People tend to keep their phones somewhere that’s easy to reach, so it shouldn’t conflict too much with executive dysfunction or anything like that.

- Routine: Having a set routine can really help with getting homework done. It becomes a habit and so a certain amount becomes automatic. I used to do mine as soon as I got home from school/college. And I had a set time for when to start my work at the weekends.

- Bring the lecture slides to lectures: I assume this will vary by college, but our lecturers used to post their lecture slides to the class site before the lecture so you could bring them to class. You could either bring the pdf on a tablet/laptop or print them off. (If you’re using a tablet/laptop you can always download the notes when you get there so it’s okay if you forgot to do it before class!). I found these helpful because I only had to make note of the extra information that the lecturer said out loud or I could just highlight important words, thereby limiting the amount I actually had to write. When I just had blank paper, I was always trying to write everything for some reason and just became lost...

- Make study notes that suit you! I remember being shown in school how to make notes when studying. But I found the standard neat lines, black/blue pen that teachers wanted didn’t work for me. They were boring to look at so they were boring to use. So I made them interesting! I used lots of colourful pens, sticky notes just to create little ‘boxes’, scribbled in the margins, drew labelled diagrams instead of putting some things into words. People would actually ask from time to time how I studied from them XD Study notes are one of those things that we’re taught how to do, but there really isn’t a one size fits all approach to it, so don’t be afraid to do different things with your notes. I used mind maps to study history in school! Here’s an example of my 3rd year pharmacology notes (believe it or not there isn’t any colour-coding XD I just went with what was fun!). 

- Have a study buddy: This seriously helped me when I moved from school to college. The two girls I became friends with in first year were so much better at organising study and assignment work between lectures than I was. They’d just automatically go to the library to get stuff done between lectures so I went with them and just worked on whatever they were working on. Having them around kept me on track. We did this informally (by which I mean I’ve only recently come to realise that copying their behaviour is why I got through my first two years so well, they have no idea that that’s what I was doing XD), but you could always formalise something like this with someone. There is no shame in needing someone to help you organise your study or needing someone around to work on assignments together.�� You don’t have to do education on your own.

- Have multiple study places: I know study advice normally says have one dedicated location for study, but that gets so boring. I might be able to study at my desk in my room this month but then it gets boring and I can’t study. So, I have multiple dedicated locations for study. My desk at my room, the main college library, library on a different campus. People with ADHD like novelty, so sometimes I find having a change in study scenery can help focus on work!

- ASK FOR HELP: To be fair, this is one I still struggle with myself. But honestly, so many problems can be solved so easily if you just tell someone about them. Can’t remember when that exam is happening? Ask. Don’t know how to make that application/do that assignment? Ask. What did those instructions even mean? Ask. Forget where that office is? Ask. So many educators, particularly at third level, genuinely want their students to do well, but they can’t help if they don’t know you need it. I know for myself I don’t want people to know how disorganised or confused I get so I put off asking questions, but the sooner you ask, the sooner the problem gets fixed!

- If you need to do something differently, do it differently: Before I started my leave I was starting to realise that my having ADHD meant that I would have to do things differently to my neurotypical labmates. I was going to need to write more reminders of basic things for myself and stick them all over my bench. I was probably going to generate data more slowly than them because time management and organisation is difficult for me. I was going to need to have a detailed protocol next to me at all times instead of knowing the procedure off by heart like the rest of them. The neurotypical way is not the only way. Doing something differently does not make it wrong.

- Be kind to yourself: The education system is tough enough on it’s own, but those of us with ADHD have some extra obstacles in our way. There really is no point in comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t have ADHD (or similar problems) and berating yourself for not getting as much done as them or doing something slower etc etc. Don’t let ADHD limit you by any means, just remember that the route to success looks different for different people.

I think I’ll stop it here. This is getting quite long! Like I said, I’m newly diagnosed so there are things that I’m still struggling with myself (time-management is a big one!! I am 100% unqualified to give people advice on that one!!) and the things that I have done well have been more lucky accident than anything else. I hope these are somewhat helpful? Feel free to ask anymore questions though! And I wish you the best of luck with getting into medicine!!

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june - july fic rec: month(s) in review

hello & welcome back to the june - july edition of fic rec: month(s) in review! we have a L O T to unpack this time, so let’s dive right in! throughout june & july, we have been blessed with the majority of @larryabroad, as well as the bulk of @hlsummerexchange2019, all of @wordplayfics, wanker’s day fic fest, and many more that i’m probably forgetting. summer was a great time to be a fic reader for sure, thank you to every author who contributed!! 

**disclaimer: not all of these fics were written in june/july, it is simply when i read them. however, a lot of them were. ***note: as always, if you do take my recommendation and read any of these works, please bookmark, comment, and leave kudos for these authors!! it is so important that we support the creators in our community. as an author, i know a sweet comment will often spur me to keep writing when i’m stuck. but, without further ado, here’s my recs below the cut!

J U N E : :

You Were Made To Be Mine by lovelarry10 (@chloehl10)

Louis Tomlinson takes his 6 year old son Jacob to see Harry Styles in concert. Jacob has been a huge fan of Harry's for as long as he can remember, so it's a dream come true when Harry notices him in the pit. But Jacob isn't all that Harry has his eye on...

Louis is a bit embarrassed when Harry picks on him from the stage, but when he's invited backstage after the show, he wonders what Harry Styles could possibly want with a single dad and his kid from Manchester...

This was such a cute read! At a whopping 580k, there is a LOT to sink your teeth into. Though I started it at the beginning of June, I haven’t even nearly finished yet, but it’s so good that it’s made it onto my rec list!

Get Off and Vote by haztobegood (@haztobegood)

Niall lets out a loud laugh, “Hey, listen to this. You know how elections are Tuesday? It says the Babeland on the edge of campus is giving out free toys to the first 100 people that show their ‘I Voted’ sticker.”

“How patriotic.” Louis laughs. “Maybe I should go.”

Haha! This one was great. At 3k, it’s a perfect quick read for some sexy, patriotic fun. 

Surprise Me, Space Boy by jacaranda_bloom (@jacaranda-bloom)

Louis is a solo officer on Space Station Zeta and the isolation can present many challenges, not least of which is that it’s really bloody hard to date. He’s pinning his hopes on that changing with a fellow solo officer, Harry, from a neigbouring station who gives great banter and has a gorgeous smile. Maybe online dating has its benefits after all?

OR The Space Wank Fic.

Oh, this one was so good!!! The thing I love about literally anything Dee writes is that she just thinks completely outside the box. I feel like I never quite know what’s going to happen (in the best way!) and her originality totally made this fic amazing. (7k)

rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied (@crossnecklace)

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

This was such a good read! It’s written in such a way that you’re utterly sucked into the verse so much that you’re a bit sappy when the fic is over. Kinda makes you feel a bit lovedrunk just from reading it. (29k)

Found My Hallelujah by crimsontheory (@ireallysawanangel)

As an engagement gift from his parents, Harry and his fiance receive an all expenses paid cruise trip for two. But one week before they're set to sail, Harry walks in on his fiance cheating on him. Newly single, with the cruise tickets in hand, and his bags already packed, Harry brings along his sister instead. And maybe the cute bartender on the ship might just be the person Harry needs to help him put back together all of his broken pieces.

I have so much to say about this one! I had the absolute honor of beta’ing this 35k work (which im pretty sure i just cheerlead you bc nicole you know grammar isn’t my strong suit...lmfao) and honestly it has become a fic that i love so much! nicole is such a talented writer; everything she writes just brings out so much emotion from her audience, and she has such a great sense of characterization! if you liked this one, check out its sequel, Now I’m Moving Up because it’s great too!!!!

J U L Y : :

Whisk me off my feet by allwaswell16 (@allwaswell16)

When Louis locks himself out of his apartment in just a pair of novelty underwear, he hopes his new neighbor can come to his rescue.

Haha! This one was so cute! What a darling fic! (5k)

The Charles Compass Trilogy by SadaVeniren (@sadaveniren)

Louis Tomlinson is a successful writer who rents a beach house on the Cape to try and finish the final book in his successful Charles Compass trilogy.

So I’m convinced that any rec list I make will not be complete if Sada isn’t on it. Here’s the thing - I fell in love with this story before she was revealed as the author, and honestly I had no clue. She’s got this amazing way of being able to change her style to fit the kind of story she’s trying to tell. This is such a good look at the writing process, highly recommend! (9k)

From The Heart series by jacaranda_bloom (@jacaranda-bloom)

Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat.

As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind?

Okay, Dee really killed the game this time. Because I was OBSESSED. I mean honestly checking my phone at work to see what the newest installment was. This series is so fulfilling and so so hot to think about as an author! (25k)

blue eyes, black jeans, lighters, candy by delsicle (@emperorstyles)

Harry is in Madrid and Louis had a hard week.

So, the whole dom on tour series is really good, but this is my favorite work of the two. I love basically anything Delaney writes but this was extremely hot! (4k)

Could you love me anyway by SadaVeniren (@sadaveniren)

Dear Mistress Lorin: I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks now and was hoping you’d give me some advice for something that happened with me and my boyfriend. I’m really worried that I hurt him.

aka Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

Okay. If you know me at all, you know that the way to my heart is either spanking, kink negotiation, or both. This just delivers on it all, and it catches on some main parts of BDSM-for-newbies and kink-gone-wrong that people often pretend never happens. I could gush so much about this, but go ahead and just read it yourself because it’s too good to miss!! (13k)

you are half of me (and I am all for you) by angelichl (@angelichl)

One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

Okay WOW. I have so much to say about this one!!! So first off, the biggest thank you to adri for writing this fic for me for HL Summer Exchange!!! Honestly I feel like you spied through all my hopes and dreams and loves (including parenthesis in fic titles??? love it) and squished it all into this fic. it’s just the best fic, and it feels like warm summer air and tracing constellations in the stars and falling in love. if you haven’t read this already, please do!!!! It was so good I teared up when I first read it! (25k)

Heading for Limbo by kingsofeverything (fullonlarrie) (@kingsofeverything)

Childhood best friends who’ve fallen in and out of touch with each other since Louis’ family moved away when they were thirteen, Harry and Louis find their paths crossing again and again. Each time, no matter how many miles apart or how many years it’s been, it’s as if no time has passed. They fall back into their easy friendship, until life intervenes and sends them on their separate ways once more.

When Harry discovers some life-changing things about himself, Louis is there for him, however he needs. But it’s all temporary because Louis has plans that will move his life from New York all the way to L.A. and the distance isn’t the only thing between them.

The pieces of their twice broken hearts are scattered from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

Okay. Okay. This fic literally is one I will remember for the rest of my life, and i’m not even being dramatic about it! So, I really do enjoy leaving authors detailed comments about their fics, but that just wasn’t enough... I really had to message Lauren this whole essay about how Heading for Limbo helped me deal with a lot of emotions I was feeling in my own personal life, and it helped me fully realize that i’m bisexual. (did i just come out?? yikes) it was nice to see a fic where things weren’t perfect over a long stretch of time. It was amazing to see Harry realize his sexuality later in life, because that was one of my main struggles. this fic is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Literally, Lauren, thanks for changing my whole life!!! (101k)

Tell Me This Is Paradise by QuickedWeen (@becomeawendybird)

Harry Styles has been lucky in love but unlucky in the bedroom with all of her previous boyfriends. When her best friend Niall finds out that she's never had an orgasm, she knows just what Harry needs: Louis Tomlinson. Niall sets Harry up to get sorted out.

Okay, if you’re new around here, this fic was also on one of my previous rec lists, but then Molly had to ruin my life and write another chapter of it. Jesus Christ!!!! I literally could read this fic every single day and die happily. It’s so hot, and the characterization is so good. So, I guess this rec is specifically for chaper 2, but you’ve gotta read chapter 1 also! For the betterment of your life, of course. (9k)

Abstract by Star55 (@star55)

After Zayn draws a naked Harry for her art class, she finds that she can't stop drawing Harry and Louis' naked bodies, usually engaged in some form of sexual activity.

Literally - this was hot as balls. Loved it! (8k)

alright guys, that’s it! if you read all the way to the bottom, you deserve a sticker. i hope you guys enjoy some of my favorite fics i’ve read! don’t forget to go bookmark, comment, and give kudos! and just remember: we are all human. if you read a work, and loved it, and didn’t comment, it’s never too late! give your author some loooooooove. my life has been super busy and i really haven’t been in the place to leave the thought-out comments i like to, so most of these authors can expect comments from me soon. thank you to all the authors listed above, have a nice day everyone! also, feel free to send your favorite fics into my ask - maybe they’ll end up on my next list!!!

[mistymark]

the one with the internship.

part of the 100 things we’ve said project // mark lee x reader // 6.3k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which mark and y/n have to live together during an internship upon meeting but it turns out they’ve met before

warnings; referenced drunk activities, actual drunk activities, I think they kiss once (and its on the cheek lol), mark lee is just really awkward

requested; yes :) - “Can I please request a 100 things we’ve said scenario or drabble for mark? 76 + 40 and could you make both the reader and mark super awkward?” from my baby mochie nonnie

notes; so long and no pay off lol, sorry // prompts are: “I’m going to bed” “that’s the bathroom” + “I have to go, uhh… iron my, um, cat.”

Your first real kiss happened during your third week of college. Discounting your actualfirst kiss with Lee Jongho in 6thgrade, and the time Choi Hyunjae stuck his tongue down your throat during a game of Truth or Dare, and the time you kissed Im Jisoo during a game of spin the bottle, your first kiss was at a college party, thrown in celebration of one completed month of college (which, apparently, included O week).

A little bit too drunk – and a little bit too desperate for your own liking – you latched onto the gorgeous boy that stood in front of you in the line to the bathroom, who was also a little drunk and a little desperate. All you remember: making out with a stranger in the tiny bathroom of a house whose owner you didn’t know.

Having been your first wild college party, it was needless to say that you didn’t really remember much of that night, including the boy. You didn’t think you even asked his name, and his face was a little too blurry to put back together the next morning.

You had ranted to your friends for any possible descriptors of the guy, but it had seemed that you weren’t the only one who couldn’t place the stranger. You remembered he was taller than yourself, but not too tall - the perfect height to make out with if you were sitting on a bathroom counter – and his dark hair was really soft. Drunk you loved playing with his hair.

And maybe it was the fact that that kiss was your first real kiss. Or maybe it was the guy you had it with. But either way, it stuck with you.

“Wanna go grab a coffee?” Lucas asked you, packing up the last of his notes as he stood up. The lecture theatre was slowly emptying, and you knew he wanted an excuse to stay behind to eye up the attractive new TA, so he waited for you.

“Can’t. He wanted to see me about a possible internship,” you said, nodding your head towards the professor. “What are you doing in half an hour?”

Lucas shrugged, mindlessly tugging at the strap of his laptop bag that hung off his shoulder, as he stared at the TA, who was busy packing up the professor’s dropped notes, “Nothing. Why?”

You laughed at his distracted state, punching him in the shoulder lightly, “For coffee, dumbass. You alright?” You waved a hand in front of his face, just as the TA happened to be glancing up.

Lucas quickly grabbed your hand and pushed it away from his face, a wide smile etched onto his face, “Yeah. Sounds good. Usual place?”

He lazily started walking down the stairs, his long legs allowing him to walk down two at a time. You followed, grabbing the last of your things, “Perfect. See you soon.”

Lucas saluted you as he walked out, mouthing a ‘good luck’. You smiled and waved as the door swung shut behind him.

“Ah, Miss L/N. You know what this meeting is about, so I’ll be brief. I have a friend who works at Oscorp, needs two lab assistants for a new project, asked me for my top students and,” he cracked a smile at you, “that happens to be you. What do you think?”

You felt your eyes widen in shock, “At Oscorp? Internships there are super competitive. What’s the process? Application, interview, trial…?”

Your professor chuckled, “Not quite. There will be an interview, just to make sure you’re right for the job. Otherwise, it’s yours if you want it.”

“So… you’re going to work for Oscorp now?” Lucas stared at you with wide eyes as he bit into his sandwich.

“Hopefully. I guess I still need to pass the interview, but from what Dr. Song said, it doesn’t sound like the position has been advertised,” you raised an eyebrow at him as he almost choked on his food. “But yeah, I’m pretty excited. Internships there are really rare. They only accept like twelve each year.”

Lucas smiled, “Tell me about it. I applied there last year and didn’t even make it to the interview stage.” He shot you an accusatory look, “Youdidn’t even apply. You probably could’ve been working there already! Top of the class and all.”

You looked down at your tiny muffin, “I don’t know. It’s a great opportunity. There’s only two of us for this ‘new project’ Song was talking about. From our class, I think.”

“Oh sho yew mite no ‘em,” Lucas said, through a mouthful of food. He looked around the café, glancing up at the antique clock by the door. Suddenly, his eyes widened, his hands immediately reaching for his phone to double check the time, “Fuck, I have class in eight minutes. I gotta go. Text me later, yeah?”

You nodded as you watched him shove the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, haphazardly grabbing his keys and wallet and laptop bag and sprinting out of the cafe.

“Excuse me,” you walked up to the receptionist, the office to its left bright and modern, a man in a pressed, no doubt expensive,suit leaning back casually in his chair as he spoke to a younger man, whose face you couldn’t see. You offered the receptionist a warm smile, “Hi. I’m Y/N L/N, here for an interview with Mr Kim?”

He grinned back, gesturing with his pen to a plush couch by the entrance, “Of course, just take a seat and I’ll let you know when you’re welcome to go in.”

You nodded and moved to follow where he had pointed, “Thank you.”

You sat down, amazed by your surroundings. Oscorp was impressive from the outside, but the inside was much more exciting. The first two floors were strictly educational, offering tours for schools and colleges, the open space open and inviting with its museum-like layout and grand displays. Glass elevators ran through the centre of the building, to the higher floors where labs, testing sites, offices and board rooms were situated. You didn’t doubt you would get lost if you ever worked here, after having to check and double check that you had the right floor before approaching the receptionist.

Mr Kim’s office was situated on one of the highest floors of the building, and the glass windows everywhere gave you a full view into each office and room, as well as stunning views of the city. You distracted yourself with the balancing metal object in the centre of the waiting room, pushing it and spinning it on its tiny little pin, the weight on each side perfectly balanced.

Upon hearing the door creak open, your head shot up as you watched the man in the suit lead a much younger man to his office door, ushering him out with a smile. Mr Kim looked at you, “Just give me one moment to take a call, and I’ll be right with you. Kevin, offer Miss Y/N a drink, would you?”

You nodded at Mr Kim as he shut the door again, and waved a dismissive hand at a distressed Kevin, gesturing that no, you were fine, you don’t want a drink, but thank you. He stood up and leant over the desk to talk to the younger man who had just left the office, “How was it? Scary?”

“Nah, man, Mr Kim is great,” the young man grinned and grabbed Kevin’s outstretched hand, attempting a bro hug from opposite sides of the desk.

“I’m so glad you got the internship,” Kevin said, a grin on his face. He lowered his voice, jutting his chin towards you, “She’s in for her interview, too.” You pretended not to hear them, keeping your attention on your phone.

“Hey, Y/n,” Kevin called out to you, waving you over. When you walked over, you finally noticed how young he was, looking only a few years older than yourself. “This is Mark, he just got accepted.”

Mark turned to you and you felt your stomach drop, visions of him pulling you into his body and of his lips on yours filling your head suddenly. He looked the same as you remembered – tall; dark, floppy hair; cute smile. Features you hadn’t even remembered jumped out at you, your mind screaming at you, It’s him.He seemed to recognise you, too, his mouth falling open but no sounds coming out.

You cleared your throat, sticking your hand out, “I’m, um, Y/N.”

He nodded, as if he remembered, sliding his hand into yours, “Right. Yeah, err, Mark.”

You heard the door open but you held each other’s gaze. Mr Kim stood to your left, “Y/N, whenever you’re ready.” He waited with the door open.

“I… should go,” You said, vaguely gesturing over your shoulder at the office.

You turned before he had started to speak. “Oh, same. I have to go, uhh… iron my, um, cat,” Mark said after you.

You were too stunned to recognise the utter incorrectnessof his statement. As the door to the glass office closed, you heard Kevin’s laugh, “Dude! That was awkward as shit! What was that?”

You took a deep breath as Mr Kim walked back to his chair and sat down, lowering yourself into one of the leather seats on the other side of his desk. For a moment, neither of you said anything, as Mr Kim looked at you in amusement.

When you felt the need to break the silence, you opened your mouth, but he beat you to it, his eyes focused in the direction of the receptionist, “You have met Mr Lee before? Or are you just extremely awkward around new people?”

You felt your face flush as you turned around in your seat, Mark still leaning on the other side of Kevin’s desk. His eyes caught yours in alarm, and he pushed off the desk and nodded goodbye to Kevin, disappearing into the hallway and in the direction of the elevators. You looked back at Mr Kim, “We have met, yes. And no, I’m generally not awkward around new people. Well, at least not thatawkward.”

Mr Kim laughed as he focused his attention back onto you, “Well, then, this’ll be fun.” When you gave him a confused look, he continued. “My latest project is looking at the DNA of reptiles, and their healing properties. To do this, however, I need raw, wild extracted DNA. Dr Song tells me you have a student free week next week, right?” You nodded. “I’m looking at sending a team to a wildlife park just north of the city, and, with full permission from the rangers and ecologists, extracting the required DNA. As an assistant, you’ll mostly be handling the samples and helping out in the lab, rather than doing the exciting wildlife hunting, but, would you be interested?”

You smiled, “Definitely. Where is it, exactly?”

He nodded at your question, his hand resting against his chin, “Sunnyvale National Park. About two hours drive from here. We have a full lodge up there, near one of the Oscorp facilities. You’ll be staying with our other intern.”

“M-Mark?” You asked.

His grin widened at your reaction, “Yes. Mark. Can’t hurt to have a familiar face, I’m sure?”

You tried to give him a genuine smile, but you were pretty sure he could see right through it, “Of course. Nothing could be better.”

“You’re kidding,” Lucas said, throwing a Rubik’s cube up in the air and catching it repeatedly from your desk chair. Until you had confirmation of your adventure as an Oscorp assistant, you hadn’t told him about the internship. When you’d finally received the information, you’d called him immediately. He had said he’d come over and help you pack, but the most he’d done was criticise your fashion choices while he played with whatever random objects he could find in your room. “The guy you hooked up with… is the guy you have to live with for a week.”

“Well, technically, it’s five days. But, yeah, you could say that,” you focused on your attention on the clothes in front of you, averting your gaze from Lucas and his cocky smile. When there was a lull in the conversation, and you’d successfully packed everything, you groaned, “Oh my God, it was so awkward. You have no idea.”

“Is he hot?” Lucas stopped tossing the Rubik’s cube from hand to hand and stared at you, a small smile playing on his face.

You paused for a moment, thinking about it. After a moment, you nodded, “Yeah.” You threw a discarded sweater at him, “Good to know drunk me still has good taste, huh?”

He whistled as he spun in the chair, “More like; Good to know you don’t regret it.”

You threw an empty binder at him, before breaking out into fits of giggles. He stood up, “Do you want me to drop you off?”

Nodding, you lifted your duffel bag from your bed, “Yeah, thanks. Can you take-?”

Lucas bent down to grab your suitcase, packed with all your study equipment and homework (as well as the occasional makeup product), and headed towards the door. “You’ll text me, yeah? I was kind of banking on you to be my motivation this week.”

“Of course,” you offered him a warm smile as you began the short walk to where the car would be picking you and Mark up for the two-hour journey.

The weather was cool, but not too cold to be unpleasant, so you were looking forward to your study retreat at the national park. When you arrived at the pick up point, Mark hadn’t arrived yet, so Lucas stood and waited for the car with you. He tugged on the sleeves of his jacket, “If he doesn’t show up, do you think I could go?”

You laughed, “I’m sure he didn’t drop out. And if he did, someone else would be here right now.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, “And how do you know that the fill-in isn’t me?”

You knew his grades for this class were rather low in comparison to his other classes, but you didn’t want to admit that you knew. “You’re right. Will you do the honour of accompanying me on this trip?”

“Only if the other guy doesn’t show up,” Lucas winked at you.

“Uh, sorry to ruin the fun, but, um, the car’s over there,” Mark’s voice alerted you of his approach, pointing to a dark van on the other side of the road. He was dressed plainly in black jeans and a blue denim jacket, and he wasn’t carrying any bags. Oh shit,you thought. They’ve been waiting for me while I stood here like an idiot.

“Right, sorry. I thought they were going to park over here,” you awkwardly glanced down at your feet. Suddenly, realising that you should probably get a move on, you looked up at Lucas and wrapped an arm around him, “I’ll see you later, then?”

He nodded and hugged you back, grinning at you as he pulled away. He lifted his hand and messed up your hair purposefully, “Kill it, kid.”

You rolled your eyes, yelling at him as you crossed the road, “I’m older than you, asshole!”

The drive to the retreat had been pleasant; only yourself and Mark had been in the van, but the mountains of equipment surrounding you forced you to sit beside each other in the first row of seats. You had both attempted to make some conversation as you sat down and got comfortable, but after a while you both had earphones in and eventually Mark fell asleep.

The road itself that led to the lodge you’d be staying at was bumpy, and you honestly couldn’t figure out how Mark could sleep through it, his head occasionally bumping against the window as the van rumbled along the loose stone. When you pulled up at the lodge – a series of small wooden cabins with wraparound porches and chimneys – you nudged Mark’s shoulder slightly, attempting to wake him up.

He groaned when you pushed him harder, his head pressing firmly against the window, “Ughh, what?”

“Um, we’re here,” you whispered. You weren’t sure why you were whispering, but you pulled away from him and stepped out of the van, being met with groups of Oscorp employees carrying large equipment boxes and suitcases between cabins and vans. You waited by the door to the van with your duffel bag and suitcase, unsure of where to go.

“Mr Lee, Miss L/N, so good to see you. This is Jaehyun, my assistant, and Kevin, you already know,” he gestured in turn to the two guys standing beside him; both young, both very attractive. “They will be taking care of you for the duration of this trip,” he turned to face the two, “Take them to their cabin, and explain curfews and work hours for me, would you?”

They both nodded simultaneously, Jaehyun taking the lead and guiding you to your cabin, while Kevin put his hand to your back, gesturing for you to walk ahead while he helped you with your bags. Your cabin was at the end of the row, closest to the lake, and it was obviously the smallest among the cabins. It was simple, two bedrooms, a living area, fireplace and dining table, with a bathroom and toilet.

You dumped your bags onto one of the beds and thanked Jaehyun and Kevin for helping you.

“We’ll be right next door; if you need anything, just ask,” Jaehyun said, pointing over his shoulder, where the next cabin was located outside.

“You’ll be expected to be at the lab by 9am, breakfast is any time after 7, and dinner is at 7pm every night. No curfew, but it’s suggested everyone is inside by 10pm so we don’t disturb any wildlife,” Kevin grinned at you and Mark, saluting you as he shut the door as he left with Jaehyun. The gesture made you miss Lucas slightly, but you grinned and turned to Mark.

“So, work doesn’t start til tomorrow, anything you want to do?”

He looked around, “I actually should get some work done; don’t want to get behind.” He pulled a face, furrowing his brows and looking confusedly at the ground, making you laugh.

“Sounds good. Are you in Dr Song’s class?” You grabbed your suitcase and unzipped it, fishing through your belongings to find your laptop and textbook, letting your items fall to the ground beside you.

Mark was doing the same, digging through his backpack for a pen, “Uh, no. I had him last year for Intro to Physics, and he’s head of the faculty, so I’ve had to go through him about a few projects.”

You nodded, standing back up and setting your laptop up on the dining table, “Oh, cool. Top of the class, I presume?”

His face went bright pink, and he let his hair fall down over his eyes as he logged onto his computer. He cleared his throat, “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Cute, you thought, before snapping yourself out of your thoughts to focus on your work.

“Hey,” you flicked Mark’s forehead with your pen for the fifth time to no avail. This boy could sleep through anything. “Mark, hey. Hello?” You drummed your pen against his head again, and you watched as his eyes flickered open again.

“Huh?” He sat up, a small crease imprinted on his cheek from where it was resting on his calculator. “What time is it?”

“It’s 9pm. We missed dinner,” you whispered, your eyes wide.

“Oh,” he straightened in his chair, looking over his work with a confused expression. “Do you want something to eat? I brought a few muesli bars.”

You chewed on your bottom lip in thought before nodding, “Yes, please.”

He walked over to the pile of bags on the floor, where all your belongings were splayed out on the floor around your suitcase. You heard him clear his throat as you packed up. Turning around, you saw him using his pen to hold up a pair of your underwear, “Are these yours?”

You nodded, feeling blood rush to your cheeks as you grabbed your things and threw them back into the suitcase, tossing the lid back up, “Sorry. I forgot I didn’t clean up.”

He didn’t meet your eyes, “No, it’s okay. Here.” He held out the muesli bar out to you.

You took it gingerly, taking a small bite, “Thank you.”

“Rise and shine, delinquents!” Jaehyun’s voice could be heard from the cabin’s front door, his loud knocking easily waking you up. “Mark! Y/n! It’s 8am!”

From under your covers, you could hear Kevin yelling at him to hurry up for breakfast and Jaehyun’s heavy footsteps retreating from your porch. Groaning, you threw the covers back and heaved yourself out of bed, going to the bathroom to turn on the shower before stopping at Mark’s door.

You knocked loudly, “Mark! Get up!”

You heard him mumble something in response, so you walked back to the bathroom to shower. It was only then did you notice the bathroom didn’t have a lock. Dammit, you thought. Here’s to hoping he hears the water running.

You managed to make it through the shower with no interruptions, but after wrapping your towel around you, you heard a hesitant knock, “Y/n? Can I grab my glasses? I think I left them in here.”

Looking down at your nude state, only a towel wrapped around you, you realised it would take a while to get dressed, and he needed his glasses now. “Hold on, I’ll bring them to the door.”

“Thanks. Sorry, last night I was so tired, I-” He was cut short by the door opening slightly, your damp and no doubt naked self answering the door as you thrust the glasses into his hand. He barely had a moment to react before the door was closed in his face again. Finally, he managed to find his voice, “Thanks.”

“How was your first day?” Lucas asked, his voice slightly grouchy from the bad telephone reception. “No freaks of nature, yet?”

“Only Kevin,” you said, laughing. Kevin, who was walking beside you at the time, able to hear the whole conversation, shoved you lightly, causing you to lose your balance. You laughed at his reaction before focusing back on Lucas, “No, seriously. None yet. Only tiny bottles with tiny DNA sequences.”

“Who’s Kevin?” Lucas’ voice faded slightly as the phone was brought further from his ear. “Sorry, I’m getting dressed for practice right now.”

You smiled, “I know, it’s a Tuesday night at 8:30. What else would you be doing? And Kevin is the receptionist from my interview; he’s a real pain in the ass, though.”

You winced as you felt his fist collide lightly with your shoulder, before he waved at you and walked towards his cabin, leaving you to walk the short distance to your own by yourself.

Lucas laughed, “Don’t go making enemies on your first day. How’s the hook up?”

You hesitated, “He’s… good. He’s so smart and cute as all heck, but I can barely talk to him without seeing the visions from that. I don’t know if he remembers me, to be honest.”

“A girl like you? How could he not?”

“Shut up, Lucas. How’s the TA?”

You could practically hear the grin in his voice as he spoke, “Still playing hard to get. I’ll get through, though.”

“I don’t doubt it,” you rolled your eyes, opening the door to your cabin to see Mark lying across the couch on his phone. “Anyway, I just got home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah? Have fun at practice.”

“See you. Don’t stress too much,” he hung up.

Mark sat up when he heard you hang up, “Hey, good day at work, honey?”

You laughed at the way he raised his voice, “Everything’s fine at the office. Where’s dinner?”

Mark settled back into the couch, a small smile evident on his face, “In the microwave. Reheat it if you like.”

You laughed as you took off your coat, throwing it over one of the dining chairs and coming to join him on the other couch, “How was your first day?”

He sat up, crossing his legs underneath him, “Awesome. I never thought I’d enjoy lab work this much. Actually putting this stuff into action, seeing it having an impact on real world science… it’s amazing.”

You nodded, “I know, right? The science seems so simplistic but when you see it being used… did you see the lizard they caught today?”

“The massive blue-tongue? I didn’t even know they had those here.”

Soon you had resolved to easy chatter, and by the time you resigned yourselves to your separate rooms, you felt less awkward around him, choosing to put your awkward first encounter behind you.

Days had passed and you and Mark had sorted out your routines; by day 4 it was expected that you’d wake up and go for a shower, before waking up Mark for breakfast. He’d shower after while you got ready, and then he’d walk you to your lab before pacing it to his own a few minutes’ walk away.

By Thursday, you’d begun to expect Jaehyun’s noisy wake up call. Throwing your covers off your legs, you knocked once on Mark’s door as you made your way to the bathroom, the tell-tale sound of him flicking his light switch letting you know he was awake.

At 8:15am, you were both on your way to the cafeteria for breakfast. “I can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow,” Mark said, blowing air into his cupped hands in an effort to warm them.

You rolled your eyes and pulled a gloved hand from your jacket pocket, handing him one of your heat packs, “I know. I kinda miss waking up to, you know, heat, though.”

He laughed, his breath creating fog in the air, “True. I miss being able to feel my hands.”

“Hey, honey, I’m home,” you said, opening the door to your cabin. Mark, as usual, was lying across the couch, but this time, he was asleep. He always arrived to the cabin before you, his team finishing a little earlier than you and allowing him to go to the cafeteria for dinner a little earlier than you.

You shrugged your coat off your shoulders and walked to Mark on the couch, poking him to wake up, “Come on, if you’re tired, go to bed.”

He hummed and grabbed your hand, tugging you on top of him, his grip firm.

You felt your eyes widen as you lay on him, supporting yourself using your legs, which were firmly situated on either side of his body. “Mark,” you whispered, watching his face intently, only a few inches from your own. “Mark, wake up.”

You used your free hand to flick him on the forehead, and you watched his face his scrunch at the uncomfortable feeling. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open, slowly coming into focus the image of you lying on top of him.

Suddenly, he sat up, struggling with you on top of him, “Woah, woah, woah, what?”

Embarrassed you leant back, tugging your wrist from his grasp. He let you go with wide eyes, “Sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I promise, I was asleep. I had no idea-“

“No, no, it’s okay. Seriously,” he searched your eyes for any concern or disgust at his actions, but slowly let his gaze fall down to you straddling his legs.

Following his gaze, you realised you were still sitting on him, so you stood up, “Um, I’ll go, er, I need to brush my teeth.”

Mark followed suit, standing up and gesturing to a wooden door as he backed his way there, “Yeah. I’m going to bed.” You watched as his hand fell to the door handle.

“That’s the bathroom,” you offered him a small smile and you watched as the hand at his side clenched into an embarrassed fist as he clicked his fingers, pointing the door beside it which led to his room.

“Right. I knew that. Goodnight,” he nodded and stepped inside, letting the door close. You felt yourself let out a deep sigh. Of course once everything seemed to be going well, you had to ruin it. Stupid, stupid, stupid,you thought, bringing your hands up to your face.

“What time are you coming back?” Lucas’ message flashed on your screen, the light bouncing around the van from the gravel road.

“Should be there in two hours. We just left. Why?” You typed back.

Another message filled your screen straight away, “Party at Johnny’s frat. Wanna come? It’s time for you to blow off some steam after everything you’ve done this week.”

You looked at Mark out of the corner of your eye, sitting beside you with his headphones in. You couldn’t tell if he was awake. “Sounds good,” you typed back. You’d exchanged awkward smiles again this morning, despite all the conversations you’d had during the week and how much you knew about each other, you’d been reduced to strangers again.

“You look great,” Lucas looked at you as you locked the door of your dorm, the fabric of your dress gracefully hanging off your figure in a way that made you look both classy and hot.

“You do, too,” you looked at Lucas’ outfit appreciatively; the leather jacket that was snug on his shoulders, dark blue jeans, white tee. “Miss me?”

“Always,” he grinned as he opened the door of his car for you. “I have news,” he leant down on the roof of the car, grinning at you through the window.

“Yeah?” You asked excitedly, following him with your gaze as he walked around the front to the drivers’ side.

“I asked out the TA. We have a date tomorrow,” he clicked his tongue at you cockily. “No big deal.”

“This isa big deal,” you shoved him from your seat. Knowing he’d been crushing on the TA for weeks, you were stoked for your best friend. “Congrats, dude.”

Lucas told you about his big plan to win over your teacher’s assistant on his dinner date the following date for the remainder of the trip, excitedly planning the smallest of details. By the time you’d pulled up at Johnny’s frat, he was practically bouncing with excitement.

You both stepped out onto the quiet street, and you followed him to the door, starting to dance to the loud music that was pouring out of the house.

An hour later, and you’d lost Lucas in the crowd, were reallydrunk and reallyneeded to use the restroom. Tugging on Johnny’s sleeve, you whispered in his ear, “Johnny! Where’s the bathroom?”

He pointed to the hallway, where a long line of people were waiting and you huffed and reluctantly joined the queue. The familiar scent of peppermint and clean laundry filled your nose as you looked up in surprise to see a familiar black head of hair. You poked the guy in the back, grin widening as you met Mark’s eyes, “Mark! Hi!”

He looked surprised to see you, heat automatically rising to his cheeks as he looked over your outfit, “Y/n? Are you okay?”

“No,” you pouted, looking at the line hopelessly. “I need to use the restroom, but the line is too long!”

He looked confused for a moment, “This isn’t the drinks line?” You matched his expression as you stood on your tiptoes to look over the crowd, trying to see where the line went. He looked around before grabbing your hand, “Come on, there’s a bathroom upstairs. It’ll be empty.”

You nodded and let him lead you upstairs to a long hallway, rooms diverging off in all directions. Eventually, he stopped in front of a closed door, knocking quickly before twisting the handle and letting you inside.

“I’ll wait out here, okay?” He said, casting nervous glances down the hallway.

“No, come in,” you said, a grin on your face.

He seemed hesitant but followed you inside, awkwardly leaning back on the bathroom counter. You stood silently, not seeming to be anywhere close to using the toilet, “I think I’m having déjà vu.”

He laughed, “Of course, even when you’re drunk, you know what you’re talking about.”

“No, I’m serious. We’ve been here before. Except I was there. And you were… here,” you stared at your feet momentarily before looking up at him. “We were…”

You let your voice fade out as you took in how close you were to Mark, and how good he looked from this angle.

He was staring back at you in shock, his eyes glancing down to your lips every now and then. His voice came out in a whisper, finishing your sentence for you; “kissing.”

You felt a lazy smile make its way to your face, “Yeah. We were kissing. And then-”

His eyes widened slightly, “Don’t you need to use the toilet?”

“No,” your brows furrowed at the question. “I don’t feel so good, though. I might’ve had too much to drink.”

“Do you want to lie down? My room is down the hall.”

“You’re in a frat?”

“Yeah. Johnny’s like an older brother to me.”

“That’s cute.” You pinched his cheek as you leant in, “Frat guys are hot.” You pecked his cheek and walked out of the bathroom, stumbling slightly as you walked.

“This way,” he swiftly wrapped an arm around your waist and tugged you into his side, spinning you around to walk in the other direction down the hall. “Just lie down for a bit, okay? You’ll feel better.”

“You’re not going to rape me, are you?”

“What? Y/n, no. Never,” he stopped walking for a moment. “I’m taking you to my room so you can rest. Is that okay?”

Somewhere in your clouded brain, you thought it sweet of him to ask for your consent before taking you anyway. “Yes, that’s okay.”

He guided you to his room and let you decide how you wanted to rest, allowing you to climb under his covers and pass out in his bed. He switched off the light and shut the door, going back downstairs to notify Johnny of the unexpected guest.

Unobstructed light fled into the room as you groaned, shielding your eyes with your hand as you sat up straight, feeling slightly disoriented. Going to get out of bed like you do every morning, you realise that this was not your bed, not your room, not… anywhere you recognised. Panicked, you glanced down at your body and sighed in relief upon seeing your dress from last night still clinging to your body.

Peaking your head out the door, you decided the coast was clear and crept down the stairs slowly, the stench of cigarettes and alcohol mingling on the first floor. “You’re up earlier than expected; I was just about to check up on you. Should’ve expected it though, you were always first at the cabin.”

Mark sat on a porch swing in the living room, his eyebrow cocked at you. “How are you feeling?” He stood up and put the back of his hand against your forehead, testing your temperature.

“Better,” you asserted. “Thanks for last night, by the way.”

He laughed, “No problem. Do you want anything to eat?” Mark gestured vaguely behind him at the bowls of moist chips and cold pizza.

Just the thought of the food make your stomach turn, so you shook your head, “No, but thanks. I’ll see you around.”

“Wait, actually-“ His hand shot out to grab your wrist. When you turned around, surprised at how heart your beating and how suddenly shy he became, you smiled. He cleared his throat, “You actually, uh, made me promise to ask you something when you woke up.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, “What?”

You watched as his chest rose as he inhaled deeply, “You made me promise I’d ask you out.”

It felt like all the blood rushed to your face as the words left his mouth, leaving you absolutely speechless. “I, um, I- what?”

He closed his eyes briefly, “Will you go out with me? Sometime?”

A smile etched its way onto your face and you nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He grinned at you sheepishly, using the hand still wrapped around your wrist to tug your forwards slightly so he could kiss you on the cheek.

When he pulled away, you were speechless, unable to string a sentence together.

“Well, I have to go, um, iron…”

“Your cat?”

He glared at you playfully, “Not my cat. It’s my rabbit this time. She’s not doing so well.” Mark lowered his gaze in mock sadness.

“Nothing a scalding iron can’t fix, I’m sure,” you laughed, patting him on the shoulder before turning towards the door. “I should get going. Again, thank you so much. Text me about that date.”

“Will do,” Mark winked, sending you off with finger guns. You were both so terribly awkward all you could do was awkwardly finger gun him back, cringing as you walked away laughing at the pure ridiculousness of it all.

[space-cops]

THIS IS NOW A SVETLANA RAMBLE POST PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT HER AND HER DK BOYFRIEND. what has she thought about legion!! what kind of alchemy does she prefer to do! how did she and kas (?? IM BAD AT NAMES) meet!! does she know i love her!!!!!!!

SVET KNOWS YOU LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES YOU TOO!!!!!

legion was all about svet confronting a large portion of her trauma, as was warlords. while warlords helped her come to terms with the loss of her mother (which she felt was almost entirely her fault despite the opposite being true), legion pretty much just rips her brain open, spills it on the floor, and leaves her to clean it up which definitely…was not fun.

it’s scared her more than anything else that’s happened on azeroth to date. it was every fear she managed to escape come back tenfold. svet and her sisters barely survived what happened on draenor. seeing the legion ships fill the sky left her wanting to pack her bags and run, but there was no way to. There was nowhere to go and it was clear the rest of her people were finally standing their ground much to her initial displeasure.

she took a surprising liking to her demon hunter comrades, and while she’ll never fully understand why they took the steps they did to obtain power for revenge, their attitude towards taking their losses and traumas and turning it into fuel was huge for her. svet internalizes everything so working with a group of people that basically says “fuck that, fuck this, and especially fuck you” sort of jump started her to do the same. so svet agrees to finding xal’atath, she puts time and effort, blood, sweat, and tears into research and she gets stronger for it – strong enough to confidently fight the demons that ruined her life. she doesn’t think the fight with the legion will end with sargeras’ “defeat”. svet will always be skeptical about it because of the scar it’s left on her psyche, but the journey to this point was huge for her. the long and short of it is, she knows now she can face her fears with an inner strength she’d felt had been lost. 

svet’s favourite flavor of alchemy is definitely transformative in nature!! not transmutation: she isn’t terribly fond of it and that’s mostly because she can’t seem to get a handle on it. she loves creating potions that are essentially useless and it’s mostly because she thinks they’re funny. who doesn’t want to turn invisible?? or into a tree or grow another 4 feet tall?? who wants to run incredibly fast for 100 yards and then have their legs break trying to stop?? who wants to turn into a dragon?????? svetlana does. 

but while she enjoys that kind of alchemy she’s particularly skilled at using it for healing since she relies very little on light magic to do so. paired with her skills in first aid she’s a solid field medic! she’s had people question why she doesn’t work with the rest of the priests and paladins as a healer and it used to be a sore spot for her. nowadays she writes it off as being a better fighter than a healer and most people are content with that.

Svet and Kasimir meet in northrend, after the battle for Light’s Hope. They end up in a serious fight that svet actually initiates, thinking he’s just another scourge death knight that’s found their way south to Venture Bay. When he’s finally able to blurt out that he’s not with the scourge, she doesn’t want to admit that she was wrong!! So she basically light roots him in place and ollies the FUCK OUT. Kas is so pissed off that this little  p r i e s t   was able to get the better of him that he attempts to follow her to her destination, but she pretty quickly loses him. Note he wasn’t going to follow her to like HURT HER or anything it was more along the lines of IMMEDIATE INTEREST in who she was and kas has always been a very curious soul, even in undeath. At this point his personality is still coming out in dribs and drabs along with his memories returning much the same way. So he’s still figuring out who he is and who he was!!

They meet again at the Argent Tournament. Svetlana falls hard into training there and when Kas rears his ugly head he IMMEDIATELY wants to train with her. Part of it’s him being an asshole that wants to wholly kick her ass but part of it is genuinely wanting to train with someone like her. So he postures a whole lot and tries to get her attention and she notices but she doesn’t give a single shit until he flat out stops her in the middle of something and asks her to train. So they…train [SHRUGS] And for a good while it’s just like that. Kas is and always has been a very social person so he’s constantly trying to get Svet to socialize with him beyond training and good lord in heaven it DOES NOT WORK. She finally gets annoyed enough with him asking and spends an evening getting drinks with him and talking. Svet is surprised at how personable he is, considering he’s…dead and all. She tells him very little about herself and more about her travels, and he seems genuinely interested! because he is!! Death knights are still not well liked, and are viewed very suspiciously but here’s this priest of all things just…talking to him? Of course he’s going to want to know more about this strange woman. Going out and getting drinks after training becomes a regular thing for them and Kas is very quickly warming up to Svet. One day she just stops showing up to the tourney and he’s surprised to find himself actually…disappointed? It’s a strange feeling, but he’s getting used to being surprised by his own emotions. 

The third time they meet is in Zul’drak. Kas is one of a small group of the Ebon Blade stationed at the Watch and he meets Svet when she arrives at their camp. She heard word that someone thought her elder sister might be there, and she decided to jump on the chance to see for herself. It’s important to note that Svet and Hochrot have never had the best relationship. It’s tumultuous and ever changing, because they’re both terrible at communicating and Hochrot is an Actual Terrible Person in General. Still, svet and jiulia were devastated when they lost contact with her completely. It was just the three of them that made it out of the Exodar alive. To lose another part of their family was devastating. But there she was in….mostly.. one piece.. Kas has to convince Hochrot to at least try to talk to her sister and in the end she accepts simply to get him off her ass about it. There’s a theme here and it’s Kas Is Annoying. Anyway, the three of them run jobs throughout zul’drak and when Hochrot splits, Kas and Svet end up continuing to work together. They’ve got a good system in place, and they work well together so why not? Kas thinks Svet is good company and Svet is convinced he’s just going to keep popping up wherever she goes. 

AND I MEAN THE REST IS ALL [VAGUE HAND MOTIONS]  

it’s going through jobs and all the garbage Azeroth has to offer together, becoming friends and then eventually coming to the realization that fuck do we actually love each other? to which they both recoil for a while, examine the situation and go well shit i guess so in the most exciting way you could ever say that, i suppose. I MEAN THERE’S MORE TO IT BUT THIS IS SO LONG and there’s so much i still have to work out and revise and stuff but Y E A H [throws confetties] 

[itscaramelli]

hello, been a while since i write and post. was thinking to launch my article + hashtag series but, i guess i have something a lot better for my 2nd bloggiversary.

as some of you might know, i recently just attended a campus conference; unashamed. so yes, this post today is going to be about that trip. how i got there, the people i met, how i think the city is, what i’ve learned and what God spoke to me personally :) so here it goes.

i love the aftermath of what the conference gave me. im still singing the songs in my head, picturing the visuals in my mind and having the chills from the Word i heard.

Aug 1st - 6th, 2017

__

Day 1

our flight was at 2pm in the afternoon, we had a 3-4 hours layover in KL so we arrived at MNL at around 2am in the morning :’) THEN GUESS WHAT, we had few committees from the conference waited for us just to greet and welcome us in the airport on our arrival. that’s just the thing about the people there, they’re VERY welcoming and caring.

yes. it was undeniably tiring, i was unbearably exhausted but was cautiously excited of what’s gonna happen for the next few days. i personally got myself ready for this. i emptied my mind and heart to be filled with what God will give to me during the conference.

for first-timers like us, i knew we should be ready for any unexpected adventures. everything went well until we arrived in our apartment’s concierge; we couldn’t get in to our room as smooth as i imagined. it was around 3am and cuz i didn’t have the information about the room’s number yet, we called the owner of the apartment whom i been contacting through airbnb. YOU KNOW WHAT. turns out she was in labor. no kidding, no exaggeration. she legit was picking up my call and answering me in labor pain 😭💜 this is how extra and dedicated are the people there i’m tellin you.

long story short we finally got our keys, did little re-arrangements for the room and then we went to bed 💤 it was about 4am in the morning.

we got up at about 12noon to look straight for food lol 😂 speaking of which, we stayed in Pasay City. the food around the apartment was either fried chicken or pizza. so yes, you guessed it right, we had fried chicken for lunch.

the gates are opened at 2pm, so after a quick briefing in our tower lobby 2.15, we (with fellow indonesian delegates) walked together to the arena.

i honestly didn’t know what im gonna get myself into. i’ve never attended a campus conference before, so i was pretty much just ready for about anything. then, we were finally there, lining up at the entrance to get in…

they welcomed us with acoustic percussions session which they could invite us to dance along with them.

and that’s one of the things i really loved about the conference; they were really focused on students/youth that the tools they were using to attract us are 100% relatable.

we got there at about 4pm so we had to wait for 2 hours tops til the conference really starts. BUT IT DIDN’T FEEL THAT LONG AT ALL. as you all might know, i showed a glimpse of the ambience of the arena in my facebook posts (and more on this one!); that’s really nothing compared to the real thing, really.

they had videos of what to do and what not to keep us entertained, they also had videos of games which we can react to (basically to shout or dance or wave) and it was fun. they really kept our excitement going.

then they opened the praise & worship session with I’ll Never Walk Alone, it was soooOooooooOo uplifting. it really shows that they’ve thought everything through.

*tune in to Victory Worship’s Beautiful Love to get in my mood!*

the first session reminded me of how God had taken away the shame in me. i, we, were living in sin. sin brought shame. shame takes away our honor, while God actually gave security, talents & skills, which reflects in His image. and shame will try to make us go make an attempt to try with our own efforts to get that. when humanity decided to rebel against God, they immediately signs that they refuse what God has given us, the identity He had given us.

after hearing this message, the Holy Spirit gave me a vision of the things i’ve bothered myself with. the things that made me ashamed of myself in front of God. the lies that it had brought to me which made me who i am today.

then i felt Him. i felt Him saying “I have forgotten all of that. Melissa, you are MY daughter. you are ACCEPTED in My eyes. Don’t ever doubt My love for you. I have forgotten what you did wrong, it’s your turn to do the same.”

tears streamed down my face lyk craayyyyy D’:

God really touched my heart and made me understand that im worth far more than the shame i had built on myself. He has given me a new identity, my shame is covered by His great and everlasting love. no reason for me to be ashamed now.

so after the conference that night, we went to the mall for Jolibee :3

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Day 2

they are opening the gate at 12noon that day and the conference will start at 4pm, so we gotta get ready a lil earlier than the day before.

we had a few plans for lunch that day but didnt manage to do any of it lol #sleepdeprived. since we also wanted to get the merch while knowing it’s gonna be a long line ahead of us for it, so we decided to get lunch in a place near the apartment.

we got in the arena at around 1.30pm i guess, and then went straight for the merchhh! it was a long line, but it was worth it. their merch were really cool and comfy. i wike it.

we always start the session with a praise and worship session. honestly, i rarely listen and haven’t really familarize myself with the church’s own music. so for the past 2 days, we were kinda blanked out. but, the good thing is they repeated the same songs on different sessions that it actually got stuck in our heads little by little.

after day 1, i actually got the revelation of how i should see my church back home in Bali. i feel like now i know the potential of what my church is going to be like. i got to the understanding of being there in the arena feels more like reuniting with the big ENC family. we talk about the same things, we speak the same ‘language’ and we serve the same faithful God <3

session 2 was about being unashamed of God Himself. it hit me just by the title of the message. i love how the conference have its own flow to make us understand in being shame-free. i learned that when we are already unashamed, free from the burden of shame, we can help others to do the same.

to live fearlessly unashamed is to live FULL of the Holy Spirit. God has called me to live a life of fullness, nothing half portioned. when i focus on God, i can see beyond my obstacles.

instead of being ashamed of God, i need to be proud. God has given me the spirit of boldness and love, that’s what happens when i focus on what God has given me. i use that to bring others back to Him, to let others love Him and experience His love. there’s no substitute in living/having the Word; i can’t love God FOR others.

with a lil greeting from few new MCs, we continued to the next session.

this time they talked about being unashamed of the Gospel. here’s what i’ve learned about it; the Gospel works because God MAKES IT WORK. it’s not me nor what i did, but God’s only power.

reasons to be unashamed of the Gospel; first, clarity of the message. meaning, let’s not put too much on our shoulders. Jesus is the message, i shud be telling about Him and what He’s done. second; conviction of Its truth. the Gospel is TRUE no matter they believe it or not. i shudnt hesitate to ask questions/to explore the Word together with fellow world changers :) next; confidence of Its power. the power is in the Gospel, not in me. focus on sharing about Jesus so that i can overcome my obstacles. next reason to be unashamed of the Gospel; compassion for the lost. 

God has a heart for the lost, He wants me to feel the same. and why was i ashamed of the Gospel u ask? cuz i was too focused on myself (on my cant’s and wont’s that i waste time on doubting myself, basically relying on public opinion) rather than the people who are longing for Jesus. 

i have been entrusted with an important duty and have been FILLED with the greatest power, so NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED.

we’re continuing the day to the worship night. during the 2-hour break we got the chance to reunite with the 10Days team from Baguio who visited Bali not so long ago <3 felt so gooood to be with this family again!

it was Campus Day that day, so we were supposed to wear our campus attires/uniforms. cuz lé lack of information i had, we didnt pack any of ours. so me, i decided to change to one of the tees i bought earlier.

now that i have His spirit, the next session was about having the power to preach the gospel. the Holy Spirit gives me boldness. let HIS WORD 'cut out’ into (their) hearts, it’s NOT my job to do that.

the spirit that we’re bringing home is the supposed to be like a volcano not matchsticks. we’ll always have to be ready to explode and let that spirit run through, not easily blown by raging winds. #weareTeka #notTeFiti #datDisneyreferencetho #sorry?

worship night started. we were literally just singing worship songs, speaking in tounge and declaring prophetic words. that part of the night really strengthened the message i have heard from the previous sessions.

there was a part where we were asked to just kneel down and be still to hear from God. im always looking forward to that, cuz i really want to experience hearing directly from God. but like how i’ve mentioned before, God has His own way to communicate with me. 

so on that complete silence while kneeling down, i didnt hear anything.

but when we started to go back standing up, while they’re singing worship songs in the background and prophetic words to strengthen, God started to picture faces in my heads. faces of the people i know and the people i’ve never even met before. faces of people from around the world.

those people i know, are my friends in college. my best friends whom i’ve spent most of my time with back in college. God was showing me how precious they are to me and to Him. God made me understand His heart for them, and not only that, on that very second He started to pour out His heart into mine. i started crying because God made me feel their pain in need of the Salvation. God refreshed me their back stories to remind me they’ve survived life, and they’ve survived for a reason. and that reason is to come back and reunite with Christ.

God changed my heart since that night. God made me see the importance of this mandate He left us to do. im fired up and revived by the Truth that has set me free from shame, and made my spirit rise to be ready to go home and do what needed to be done all this time.

we ended the night with a celebration, praising and worshipping God. the feeling of celebration synchronised with my heart, which was rejoicing knowing im living in a great and powerful purpose. it was a life-changing night for me. i went home with a happy, full and free heart.

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Day 3

same like day 2, we needed to be at the arena at 2pm at least.

different from me and my brother, Jeremy, we had Arrows to attend to that morning. the service starts at 9am so we went from our apartment at 7.30am to be on time there when the gate opens.

Arrows (in Ministry) is a community of Pastors’ Kids in the church worldwide. 

soooooo they served us great breakfast there. breakfast is my favorite meal of the day and there are a lot of foods to choose from i was so happy lol =)) but as you know i cant eat that much anyway, so i literally just had cereal and milk.

it was all good til i heard that we had to sit with complete strangers in one table hahahahaha. shud i even talk about this again? im a full-on introvert :)) just ask me to say hi to people i’ve never met before, and i could faint hahahaha kidding. but yes, please im speaking for fellow introverts on the face of this planet; we don’t like people, we love them :)))

it was not easy sure, but remembering what happened to me the night before i think i got this. so yea, i ended up in this table of 7 of us (new friends!) i guess? it was great to be around the friends who understands and who gets it. we all know the 'pressure’ and it was nice to hear their experiences and how they overcome their hard times.

personally i was never pressured with the pastor’s kid title by my parents. i already understood my role as God’s child and that is not different than any other God’s children in the world. since i was little i’ve never felt so excluded. i’ve never felt i had to be an example BECAUSE im a pastor’s kid, but its because i shud be the salt and light. then when it’s about dealing with meeting people’s expectations, what i understand is that im not a people-pleaser, im a Jesus-pleaser. *grins*

indonesian delegates are wearing indonesia themed/written attire that day. so before heading to the arena together with the bus, i and Jeremy had to change first.

it was a bitter-sweet feeling cuz it was the last day of the conference, but i also can’t wait to go home and share what has impacted me here. as i’ve mentioned before, they never made us feel like we’re waiting cuz they had these videos that kept us entertained.

they made us shout when we see our country’s name on the screen. how convenient??? we were wearing our country’s tees :“)))))

we had Victory Worship to lead us in praise & worship that final day! :))

the fifth session was shared by a Japanese pastor, he introduced us few Japanese words that we can actually use in discipleship. twas fun :3

from that session, using the story of Zacchaeus, we need to know some similarities here. both the campus and Jericho is a strategic place to start to change the world. God is in the business for destroying strongholds. and in the end, God wins :) Jesus engaged with Zacc(haeus), the very opposite person from who Jesus is. but He sees the potential in Zacc.

to have the heart to engage the campus, i need to see the pain of the lost. understand their need of Jesus and His salvation. then i see the potential in the Gospel to transform lives, not me or the people im reaching.

reach the campus by engaging the lost as lifestyle. because discipleship is a life-time process.

we ended that session with a powerful faith declaration.

the next session reminded me that we’re not only should impact our friends in the campus/school but also the people around us who we meet everyday.

what i’ve learned is that engaging the community is not meant to be intimidating and the Gospel is the power of God for Salvation. we are NOT the power, just vessels. so i need to put my confidence in God. cuz when i step out to help others, God will take care of me.

Jesus engaged the community. we engage the community to show what we look like, how we are about; reflecting heaven. it means we don’t always succeed. im not perfect, but im serving a perfect God.

to do it, i need to learn to wait on the Lord. go not with idea, but with faith and power from God. that’s the thing about us, we only carry the power. when i connect with God, i’ll realise who is the power and who is the carrier.

lastly, i need to remind myself that this is all about God. and im doing it to display His splendor.

on day two and day three, they had a halftime show during the break. that day, they chose pairs to represent each patron to play a game on the stage. its like a 'complete the lyrics’ kinda game. i was in the blue patron, our representatives lost but tsokeh!

we were supposed to bring flashlights or something that lights up that day. little did we know, that we’re actually going to use that for during the interval.

*tune in to The Beat by Victory Worship~*

the video got into a moment where it tells us to light up our flashlights while they ask things like; "are you unashamed of God?”, “are you unashamed of the gospel?”, and all we did was shout. and im telling you; i was not just shouting for the euphoria, but i was releasing my excitement cuz i know im free from shame itself and i cant wait to SHARE THE GOSPEL!!!

the video didn’t end there. after asking those questions, they wrote there “look around you. you are not alone.” (DUDEEEEEE WHAT?? HOW WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EMOTIONAL THAT TIME???!!) i held JJ, Em and Ryan on the shoulders reminding them the same thing :“) the final session hasn’t started yet and i was already crying whattttt.

aaannnddddd the final session is here. #bittersweet :’) they opened with Victory Worship’s “The Beat” sung by soloists in VARIOUS LANGUAGES in the world. MY EMOTION– I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT. :”””””””””

from that final session, ive learned that Jesus’ last words were meant to show His end-game; for us, all of us, to live in the Kingdom of God where the devil has no power.

Jesus directed His disciples to a specific place for missions; Galilee. irreligious, insubordinate and interracial Galilee. that’s where God wants His Kingdom to be settled on. there was a clear purpose why Jesus chose the mountain of Galilee, its cuz that’s where all the wrong things happen. 

His mission of bringing His 12 disciples was to send the TEENAGERS! WOOTS!!

we are not saved from something, we are saved FOR something.

the discipleship message is and has always been about Jesus. when we make disciples, we’re bringing Jesus to spread Jesus. so that His Kingdom is brought to this world. the method to do is teaching. teaching is about a personal journey through a personal relationship. we make disciples as we journey though life together.

the moment when im doing the right thing, thats where temptation will find its way to me. so i gotta keep that spirit and keep my eyes on Jesus at all times. and reminding myself that Jesus promises all authority for me to be His daughter.

dat bitter-sweet feeling so strong tho :”) the conference has ended, but it’s just the beginning now!

after everything’s done we were asked to leave the arena immediately but you know me imma take as many pictures i cud, keeping dem memories bruhhh!

we had dinner with the 10Days team from SWM ’16 who went to Bali last year. we ate at this pizza place called Yellow Cab :3 good food with awesome and loving fransss <3 #reunited

after that we went for a coffee (not me) and played game cards there. one thing i’ve learned from the people there is that; they stay up late! hahaha we were still at that coffee shop over 11.30pm and people haven’t stopped coming in.

thought we stopped there? nope. we, well some of us, decided to go karaoke somewhere near the arena. but we were wrong. it was more than 4km, we walked for almost an hour i guess??? but then we didn’t karaoke after all cuz it was too late and the minimum use for the room was for 3 hours so. yep we walked back :) fun…

what a DAY. we got back in our apartment then directly went to bed.

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Day 4 (last day)

we had plans with the Dionglays for that afternoon :3 we were sent an uber to go to the Every Nation building in BGC.

we were taken to the cafeteria as soon as we arrived. had lunch and then we were toured around the building, took pictures in front of the infamous world map and then sat in for a while in the prayer training. in that very prayer training, we got new friends and got a chance to partner up with them in prayer.

i personally loved the building, it’s like seeing the future! hahah everything is in its place and so organised. the atmosphere was so welcoming i didn’t want to go out :’)

but we did, we did few walks around the BGC and i started to realize that the EN building is literally surrounded by campuses and world embassies… was kinda speechless, it’s like God showed His obvious purpose for them to be placed there. <3

the rest of the day was funnnnn, we went to Market Market then had Philippines authentic cuisine for dinner. i enjoyed and loved every minute, it’s like reuniting with family.

went home with a full heart and tummy :3

and of course i didn’t go pack then sleep. i was legit polaroid photo hunting with Ems. didn’t go anywhere far, we went downstairs to the playground and pool area tryna get the best shots we could get. #lastnight #gottamakeitcount

packed then went to bed at around 1am? i forgot! x)

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Day 5

going homeeee :(: flight was at 12noon, so we needed to be there at least at 9am.

yes, that was a Sunday. but church service was impossible to attend, so we did a mini worship & sharing sesh in the apartment before we took off.

our kuya managed to get us some friends to help us for our airport trip. didn’t pay attention to the ticket, we actually got off at the wrong airport terminal =)) i panicked cuz i can’t have anymore spontaneous adventures that time :’)))) but God made everything go smooth afterwards, we made it in time for check in and baggage drop.

our flight to KL was 1 hour delayed, so when we got in KL we didn’t get that long layover we expected. it was good but kinda disappointing(?) cuz we actually prepared few things to do while waiting at the KL airport =‘)) but the faster the better righttttt???!!

after flights for more than 5 hours in total, WE WERE FINALLY HOME <3 <3 <3 welcomed by our families, who were ready to hear what we’d experienced for the last 5 dayssss!

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MY HEART IS FULL.

i can’t thank God enough for the opportunity for me to go there.

Manila is absolutely home away from home. everybody there is family whom i hold dear close in my heart <3

special shoutouts!

to the Salazars & the Dionglays for taking care of us there and managed everything to make sure we got back home safely.

to my fellow indonesian delegates; it was good to be with you guys again <3

to the 10Days team from Baguio, ate Rona, ate Sha, kuya Geoff, and Kneekie; thank you for slipping in time to reunite with us!

to the SWM16 10Days team; thank you for the delicious dinner and also tagging us along to your alumni reunion awww

to my ENC Pastor, my awesome uncle, Ps. Ari; for sending me <3

to my family for letting me do diz and made everything possible! IM SO GRATEFULLLLL <3

to Jj, Em and Ryan; LET’S CHANGE THE CAMPUS AND CHANGE THE WORLD.

have a sweet day.

xx,

Caramelly.

[aoimori]

05.05.2017 MERRY @ Hibiya Outdoor Theater

I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SHOW FINALLY HAPPENED AND THAT IT WAS THIS GREAT?

5/5 MERRY Tokyo Spring - Hibiya Democratic ~hitsuji no shuchou~

Here is a report for you featuring events such as: Gara where did you go, TETSU YOU ARE NOT WEARING YOUR BRACE, Kenichi can you talk about anything other than the weather, WHAT DO YOU MEAN A NEW ALBUM, Gara always runs directly past me that is my destiny, TETSU YOU AREN’T USING YOUR BASS STAND, vibrating Garabbits, Merry being too good to us, and Gara being unable to say the word “Hibiya”. 

SETLIST! EXPERIENCE THIS

1. Enzetsu ~Surrealism~ 2. [human farm] 3. Tokyo 4. Jishiki kajougata deku ningen 5. lost generation 6. Screams of the dark 7. Haraiso 8. Zetsubou 9. T.O.P 10. Makka na aoi haru (acoustic) 11. Heijitsu no onna (acoustic)

12. into the market 13. NOnsenSe MARkeT 14. [collector] 15. Kurayami ni pink 16. Zombie Paradise 17. Kasa to ame 18. Oriental BL Circus 19. Carnival 20. Japanese modernist 21. Chiyodasen democracy

EN 1 22. Fukurou 23. Happy Life (fast ver.)

EN 2 24. NEW SONG 25. Violet harenchi 26. Chiyodasen democracy ~REVENGE~

10/10 pre show experience

The stage setup looked like this. I REALLY liked the backdrop. It's a little hard to see here, but it's a ram skull, some ukiyo-e style waves, and hands holding up flags with a sheep logo and saluting, with The Creation of Adam overlayed on top. I thought it was really cool.

The music playing before the show was all showa retro. Lots of enka and kayoukyoku. This time it was all Japanese, for shiroi hitsuji I remember it being all English.

I made a playlist of all the songs I knew or could figure out while waiting. This probably interests literally no one other than me BUT I'M SO INTO THIS STUFF GUYS. Nothing but great taste...

Walking into a venue and hearing music like this playing is such a unique Merry experience and it makes me genuinely smile every time. What other band would ever play music like this before a show AND have it fit their concept so well? As you guys have probably figured out by now, I'm really into Taisho/Showa era Japan so the fact that Merry exists constantly blows my mind...

I was in the front row of section B in an aisle seat in the center. So technically that's 7th row? I felt really close! And the aisle seat gave me a little more room to move around. I was directly in front of the aisle between the two sections ahead of me too, which meant UNOBSTRUCTED VIEW!

They also recorded this show extensively so I'm sure we'll get a DVD! There were cameramen everywhere, including up in my face because of where my seat was, and also when I was buying merch.

MAIN SET!

The front of the stage was surrounded by some kind of chain link fence. A new (I think) SE started playing, fog started rolling out, and the band walked on stage. They all had fun with the fences, especially Yuu. Of course. He would walk right up to it and look like he was absolutely up to no good. Gara, of course, climbed up it a few times.

Their outfits were A++++++ QUALITY 100% 10/10. I'm sure more photos will come out eventually, but for now check this out. I LOVE this kind of military look. Everyone looked so good? Tetsu's hair was GREAT? Yuu's hair is definitely two tone? GARA HAD SOME KIND OF MOHAWK GOING ON

Facts about Megan: i love... when gara has that hairstyle... let me die now...

At first Gara was wearing this white coat sort of thing with a huuuge hood? So with the smoke + that giant hood it was kinda like. What is this. 

The fence really added to the demo/protest theme. The staff who moved things around in the background wore helmets and towels wrapped around their faces too. It definitely reminded me of the Anpo riots of the 60s. And to further this theme even more, the first song was Enzetsu ~surrealism~ which is in the style of a protest speech. It was SUCH a strong choice for an opening song. Gara walked on stage with his megaphone and got everyone all riled up immediately.

The staff looked like this ^

[human farm] was next and I love how Yuu always gets so into it. Also they were fenced in... a farm... a human farm...

Then Tokyo (of course) and deku ningen which is really fun because who doesn't love screaming KA...RA...POOOOOOO?? Then lost generation brought the energy levels up even more.

I think after Tokyo (?) staff started taking down the fences.They left the center piece for last so the whole band kind of gathered at the center of the stage behind the last sections of the fence lol.

Next was a song called Screams of the dark? I'd never heard it before! Then BABY'S FIRST HARAISO! I love how everyone sways back and forth and claps during this song. And how actually crazy it gets inbetween those parts...

GARA WHERE DID YOU GO 

And THEN one of the biggest events of the evening. After a short break the band got ready to play but Gara was nowhere to be found. Tetsu, KIND TETSU, pointed past us toward the back of the venue. Zetsubou started up and Gara APPEARS in the audience towards the back and runs part way down the aisle and onto a small stage platform that I hadn't noticed before. While the band played on the main stage he stayed there and sang.

I feel like none of us really knew where to look!? Since I'm me I mostly looked back at Gara (and screamed in the girl behind me's face... sorry) but I spun around for all the instrumental parts lol.

Halfway through the song Gara's monitor went out and I saw him gesturing to the staff. He was slightly off tempo for the rest of the song but he powered through it.

When the song ended Gara looked around at us and basically said I sang for you... I came here for you but there were still people looking at the stage. My enemies...

He was so cute and mad and pouty lol. SORRY GARA.

Then he jumped down and ran down the aisle back to the main stage.

What aisle?? MY AISLE. It was like a repeat of shiroi hitsuji but more UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. Everyone was reaching out so I did too and my hand just barely brushed against his arm as he ran by. im love u

ok back on stage don’t fall over friend

Then back on the main stage they played T.O.P which is really, really fun. I am still having some neck pain that is probably associated with this song lol. When you're at a standing show and you're packed in the front you actually can't move THAT much, but when you're at a seated show like this you can headbang with no limitations. Which means I go overboard apparently.

Then two acoustic songs! Makka na aoi haru and Heijitsu no onna. I loveeeeee Makka na so much and it sounded perfect acoustic. I really want to hear a recording of this. It was so moody.

I love Heijitsu no onna acoustic so I was kind of excited as always. I almost feel like the guitar was a little different...? And Gara was laying down some serious dramatic actress moves. He has that really slow slinky way of walking around the stage and turned and looked at us over his shoulder etc.

He sat on his desk in his usual dramatic way but it started to tip over. I think I had a mini heart attack lol. Somehow he managed to keep singing as if nothing was happening and got it to rock back down. Crisis averted...

After that he sat on one of the monitors and posed and draped himself all over that instead. I wonder what brand of lipstick he used this time? I'm still not over the fact that he's used Dior on stage

where is gara again

After the acoustic set Gara went to talk to the staff and then went offstage for a while. We all waited for a bit and then Nero stood up and started talking to us.

Earlier Gara had said something inbetween songs about all the terrible things happening in the world today, the Moritomo scandal (?), missiles etc. (this was so sudden that we all started laughing lol), but today we're all here together. Nero kind of echoed that I think and then went on to say something about not wanting Japan to become an easy place to live..? I'm not 100% sure where he was going with this lol. Something about in life there's always good and bad, but right now we're all in the best place to be. Or something.

Then Yuu took over and told us Gara was having some trouble so we were waiting for him. He commented on how it wasn't dark yet so Gara was probably waiting until it got dark to come back on lol. Gara later said this was a lie.

Since Gara still wasn't back Tetsu started talking. I think he was thanking us for coming and then he walked up to the edge of the stage and kind of bowed. He's like. Such a gentleman. Such POISE. SUCH CHARM!!!! And then walked back and talked a little more back and forth with Yuu lol. Next we all called for Kenichi to talk but he just shook his head and refused. I don't know what I expected lol

^ check out this hair btw wow help me 

ok gara spotted

I saw staff running around behind the banner around this point. Into the market started up and Gara still wasn't on stage but we heard him start singing Nonsense market... and THEN the banner dropped to reveal him standing on a raised platform behind the rest of the band, in front of 9 screens. It honestly looked really cool. He stayed up there for a while doing his usual Gara dance moves. Later Kenichi and Yuu both went up and played there together too!!

Thennn there was a pause and Gara looked at us and announced 掃き溜めようこそ・・・ the intro of [collector]. Every time they start this up the crowd freaks out (including me OF COURSE).

The last lines of the song are 愛してあげるよ　君は素敵だから which is something like I'll give you my love because you are so wonderful or sth. But in THIS particular performance after that last line he whispered 愛してる/I love you under his breath and I think it shaved a few seconds off of all of our lives. I think... I could have been declared dead at that moment.

By now it was getting dark so the stage lighting looked really cool. For kurayami ni pink it switched between bright green and pink (of course).

Zombie Paradise was so FUN and full of DANCING and Gara had us sing the last part to him. あなたの骨までしゃぶらせてくれ！！

Before Kasa to ame he was saying something about being glad it didn't rain, but Merry is a rainy band... so during this song the screens in the back showed rain drops.

Oriental BL Circus was extra lit. The energy from the crowd was really good. I don't remember when but at one point Gara told us he could barely hear us / it didn't seem like there were that many people there which got us all EXTRA LOUD. At the beginning Yuu was doing his usual MAWASEMAWASE!! stuff and then Tetsu took over?? And also added "回してますか！？！？" It threw us all off lol

Carnival is another crowd pleaser. It's a little easier to spin your towel around and toss it up in the air AND catch it when you have a little more space lol. As always Nero jumped up and waved his towel around to let us know we had to prepare.

Japanese modernist is such an iconic song and it fit perfectly with the theme they had going. Towards the end when the song gets quiet Gara usually has the audience sing alone. Up until now I hadn't REALLY heard the crowd singing along super clearly. But when the band got quiet and all I could hear was the entire venue singing 父よ・・・母よ・・・ wow. It sounded really beautiful. GOOD WORK TEAM

LAST SONG of the main set was, of course, CHIYODASEN DEMOCRACY. Gara said he wanted to perform this song at Yaon ever since they wrote it but they never had a chance until now. As expected it was great

They left and I did my best to start the encore and keep it going. Let me tell you. In an outdoor venue this size that is HARD. It's like every section has their own tempo going lol. But we persevered.

ENCORE #1! dear gara work on your speaking skills

First encore song was Fukurou which left one of the biggest impressions on me of the night. It's such a meaningful and uplifting song and felt extra beautiful at Yaon for some reason.

Happy Life was different than usual! The drums were a lot faster so we were all kind of fist pumping in double time lol. Later Nero tweeted that he likes that version and hopes it ends up on their new album but that it was exhausting to play lol. I really liked it too. It had a lot more energy and had more of a punk feel.

During one of the MCs Gara said the staff kept telling him that when he screamed "HIBIYA" it sounded more like "SHIBUYA". He asked us if we heard "Shibuya" too and some people were kind of nodding lol. So he asked Nero, who he said has the worst pronunciation, to say Hibiya. Nero did but added a bunch of ZENSHINZENREI stuff too lol. So Gara asked him just... say Hibiya... nothing else. Nero did and we all kinda agreed it did sound like Hibiya. So Gara said he'd follow the staff's advice and be more careful about his enunciation from here on out lol.

He also did member intros here so each member did a mini solo after being introduced. Yuu's solo was a little long as usual. He loves showing off

ENCORE #2!! TETSU!!!!!!!!!!!!

They left again and when they returned for the second encore there were a few changes. Nero was wearing his red merch tshirt (it looked a little too small lol), I think Yuu and Kenichi both had the black tshirts on, but the BIGGEST DEAL OF THE NIGHT:

Tetsu wasn't wearing his neck brace. Or using his bass stand.

He played the last songs like this and looked so happy. I think we all gasped when we saw him come out.

This is when Gara made TWO HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS: NEW ALBUM 47 PREFECTURE TOUR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

They played a new song off the new album which I thought was GREAT. I really liked it so I wish I could remember the melody, but there were some fast/heavy parts, verses where we were kind of swaying side to side, lots of call and response style parts from Yuu, a couple parts where Gara repeated the same word over and over which was kinda catchy, some breakdowns where the song was stripped down to an A+ jazzy beat, I remember the word "tengoku"/heaven a lot, and there was one part where Gara crouched down behind his desk and repeated something and had that real mischievous look he gets during some songs lol. Basically it was a really good song (written by Nero!!!) and I can't wait to hear it again. As you can tell it’s kind of busy which is awesome lol

Then VIOLET HARENCHI. I'm gonna love this song live for the rest of my life. It'll never get old.

And then the band explained that there were some technical issues earlier dealing with power which is why Yuu had guitar problems at the end of Chiyodasen and why Gara's monitor went out. It seems like Yuu's guitar went otu because of a shock from the special effects or something? Yuu said it made him jump into the air too... Gara just turned around and said sth like you said you wouldn’t tell lies~. It was REALLY CUTE???

So Gara asked us if it'd be alright if they played Chiyodasen one more time to get REVENGE. Of COURSE IT IS. He asked us all to sing along

This was the last song of the night and it was SICK. I think since we were all really amped up on energy from the rest of the set and since this was our second chance at this song we all went as hard as we could. It was SO fun.

End of the show...

After that last song the band hung around on stage for a while throwing stuff, walking to each side of the stage and thanking us, and then they all stood in a line at the center of the stage and talked to us individually.

Kenichi didn't have much to say (surprise), mostly umm... well... the weather forecast said it would rain but it didn't so... I'm glad. Thank you. And that was it lol. Only Kenichi would include weather and nothing else in his impressions lol

I can't remember the specifics of what the others said, it was mostly repeating how important this show was, how the new album is a new step for Merry and they want to show us their new selves, etc.

Tetsu went last. He said without the brace he felt so much lighter. He was smiling so wide... He'll be able to play without the brace/stand a little bit here and there, so he's going to do his best to keep improving. I was so happy.

Gara screamed MERRYでした!!! ありがとう！！(we're merry/thank you) without his mic. I love when singers do this. So much. Honestly that feeling while watching them all standing there together, like. Everyone was genuinely smiling. It was one of the most positive and uplifting moments I’ve had at a show.

Gara also did a handstand on his desk and clapped for us!!! Always a sign of a 10/10 show. He and the rest of the band smiled so much. Nero blew us a biiig kiss as he walked out too. I love you Nero...

Upcoming EVENTS and GOODS

The flyers we got after the show had a FULL LIST OF TOUR DATES (!!!!!) and included a postcard invitation to Gara's "living funeral" for his birthday this year. He's requesting that we all wear bright clothes and come with bright feelings. It'll be at Tokyo Kinema Club too. I am hype about all of these things.

Their upcoming tour is obviously super extensive so I'm currently trying to plan out which shows I can go to. They jump around to different prefectures a lot so it'll be hard to do weekend trips to other parts of the country for multiple shows but you know what. I'm gonna make this WORK.

Also, for this show I bought a premium ticket that gave me a seat near the stage, a pass to enter the priority goods lane, and omiyage! The omiyage included a bag with a really cool design, an umbrella with the same logo (of COURSE!!) and... the most exciting thing... a DVD only for Core members that bought premium tickets that contains about an hour of footage, mostly filmed by the members themselves, documenting the Many Merry-holic tour. They talk before and after each show and footage from shows is included too. I can't believe how well this band treats their fans...????????

These are all the other assorted goods I bought... the pamphlet is an actual TAISHO ROMAN DREAM. I’m so in love with it. The postcard sets too. I may scan them...!? If nothing else, so that I can use them as wallpapers lol And those GARABBITS!!! They are adorable and also special. I posted a video of them here.

In CONCLUSION

This show had been hyped up to great heights after being announced about 6 months ago (also at a show I was at...) Somehow, it lived up to the hype??? It was everything I wanted. I was also right about my album and tour predictions of course lol. 

I think Merry always kind of surprises me because their performances are always so good, they obviously care about their fans so much... it's always such a positive experience. I'm excited to keep supporting them as they take this next step in their career 🐑

[dantereviews]

Anime Review: Blame! (2017)

7.5/10

Blame! is the new netflix adaptation of the classic manga of the same name. The new movie lacks the grim, gripping gravitas of the original but still packs a heavy punch of its own as a sci-fi action film. The movie follows Killy, a mysterious man roaming the cavernous, vast desolation of a future megacity looking for someone with ‘Net Terminal Genes’, a person who is authorized to give orders to the out of control AI governing the city. He comes across a small tribe of humans called the Electro-Fishers eking out an existence hidden from the city’s terrifying guardians.

Its impossible to review this movie without making reference to the original manga, so ill be doing that below. But first of all I’ll lay out my thoughts on the movie itself, as a standalone. I definitely enjoyed it. They went with a really interesting decision for full CGI, which has been attempted a few times but has never really succeeded in capturing traditional anime fans. Its still a bit uncanny, which actually works well for the unnatural tone of the material. The movie did lack a bit of purpose, since it was essentially just one arc of the manga, but ultimately it delivered on that arc quite well by the end. Action, characters and music were all strong, but especially for viewers unfamiliar with the source material there might be some difficulties working out exactly what the hell is happening in the odd world of Blame!.

To understand Blame!, Im going to have to lay down a little of what made the original manga such a cult classic. Picture a world, in the far future, where all life lives in one gigantic mega-city. Sustained by automated processes, the city expands itself continuously, creating vast empty ruins eternally. The control authorizations have long since been lost, and the programs intended to protect humans are now hunting them to extinction as intruders. In this desolate techno-wasteland wanders a lone figure, with only his deceptively small gun and black silhouette to identify him. Ahead lie only challenge after challenge of demented machine life forms seeking to deny him and humanity’s final hopes. Killy marches on, for untold centuries, as he continues his ancient, almost forgotten mission. 

Im trying to describe Tsutomu Nihei’s moody, existential, deformed and troubling world because its important to see where Blame! 2017 comes from. The manga has such a special sense about it, a massive unknown world that we are watching crash to the ground in front of us. This new movie doesnt, and couldnt hope to, match that sort of epic darkness. Its a very different beast to the manga, but it gets just enough right while doing its own thing to make it work. But for me specifically, someone who adored the way the manga was almost hostile towards the reader with its refusal to make sense and its sometimes offensively weird style, the movie did suffer from a lowering of that sharp style. Im trying to judge it on its own merits but its coming up a bit short.

The movie only takes the Electro-Fisher arc of the manga and folds in some earlier parts including the first meeting of Killy and Cibo. Legendary arcs like Toha Heavy Industries are left alone with the potential to be explored later (and which I would be extremely keen to see). Firstly Ill just talk about the characters. I mentioned in the intro that new viewers may suffer from not knowing the backstory, and this is one of the areas thats true of. Our hero Killy is a silent, stoic, not quite human traveller that the movie doesnt have time for us to get to know. The Electro-Fishers almost replace him as the main character. The lost human tribe are charming as the last remnants of humanity, efficiently making use of whatever they can to survive in the City. Yuru is the young woman who we spend the most time with, a talented and driven person who does whatever she can for the tribe. The older leaders of the Fishers and the other young people are all likeable enough, but arent very deep and never go through an arc as such. The most interesting character was Cibo, an enhanced human scientist from an older era who says she can possibly solve all their problems. As one of the main characters of the manga, it was great to see her again and she definitely shows her cool head and amazing abilities in the movie.

The plot and pacing is pretty good, the fact that they took a whole arc and adapted it wholesale let them work out exactly what to keep and what not to in order to move things along very nicely. It wasnt too long and the big beats of the story all hit at great times, ratcheting up the tension and scale more and more. The only flaw here is that since it was just one self contained arc, the greater story of Killy’s journey didnt really progress at all and so the ending was not as climactic as a stand alone film might have been.

The visuals and sound were both solid. With the sound, it was a bit more hit or miss. There were a bunch of times I noticed the music and thought it was doing great, but the big orchestra sound was a bit out of place as well at times. Im not sure how much a traditional type of score really suits this incredibly weird post-techno-apocalypse scenario. The CGI visuals are a bit better off. They still differ wildly from the original style, but at least the 100% use of CGI presents a very consistent world and delivers some great shots and scenes. For me, its just so different to the excessively detailed and shaded manga that it was a bit unsettling to watch this new smooth animation style. However on the whole I thought this movie did bring to life the manga quite well.

I’ve seen some scathing reviews of Blame! 2017 that I really dont think it deserves. True, its a big action movie with sci fi elements whereas the manga was more quiet, more disturbing and generally spikier, but judged as a big sci fi action movie you have to say it does a good job at drawing you in and wowing you with its reveals. Im aware that my review is totally biased by my love for the manga, but I was really happy to see something I like so much brought to a new audience in an exciting new way. If the words post-apocalypse, techno-dystopia, action-adventure interest you, then please check this out. And maybe the manga too. 

[mattyslittleworld]

Never Meant

I hear “What are we going through? You and me?” as I watch the sunlight literally tear through the black clouds that were hanging over my town. This is my favorite song by The National - Hairpin Turns. It’s so fucking brutal, and it seems like, to me, he is absolutely desperately fucking annihilated by losing whoever he lost. I’ve been there. And I thought I was going to be there again, pretty soon. I am currently pulled over in my car in a parking lot, as I was on a little drive through the neighborhood. Coffee and some beautiful, subtle music. The sun was out all day, and it’s t shirt weather. So me and Gionna’s ex boyfriends American Nightmare shirt (lol) went on a windows down stroll until suddenly the bright sky was filled with darkness. My one moment to forget about all of this madness was being pushed aside, I just wanted to pretend it was summer, shit was normal, and feel calm and collected, as if literal iced out trucks weren’t being filled with corpses outside of hospitals. We’ve all lost people, in a week, 5 deaths close to my immediate family, bringing my family itself stronger and closer together. Here I am driving into a storm, in a t shirt, just like the current state of American Society. Until.....the clouds part....and as I drive slowly down 35 north....the sunlight starts dancing in the most beautiful way. It was almost an epiphany and it made me think. It made me pull over - within the beautiful chorus of this National song...eloquently tiptoeing in the background. I felt calm. I smirked. If there was a god up top, I thank my guy. But it made me think - hey - we may be walking into a black cloud in just a t shirt, for we’ve been blindsided, but if you walk forward....maybe the sun will come and shit will be better than expected if we stand tall and be brave and love. 

“What are we going through? You and me...”

Currently writing at 2:15 am - two days later than what appears above this. 

I didn’t record any music today, unlike every single day of this quarantine we’ve all been locked into. I wake up, walk over to the mic, which is brand new - and pull up beats or pick up the guitar and hack away. Even if its horrible, its just important to me to get it out. Stack and stack and stack and stack. Ive discovered that during this quarantine - the isolation is making me look inward, and subconsciously pick away at the thing I’ve been chasing for the past few years that ive been so curious and scared about cracking open. But with no distraction of the outside world…because its literally shut down…it makes sense the little bits and pieces of this thing that’s been bleeding into my music….like I said with no distractions…POURS OUT OF ME effortlessly. Im like okay this makes hella sense. With dark city lights and the cage shit and even with the Albee shit I was like…okay this is a NEW DOOR. But do I walk through it? What do I wear? Can I walk back out or will it lock once I get in there? Is it a trap? I need more information. I need more clarity. So without me really knowing what’s in there - I feel like little bits and pieces have been bleeding into my work. And now I finally busted that fucking door down and it wasnt a room…it was the exit to the trap I was existing in my whole musical career. Now liberated. Now free. Now born. This has been so inspiring to me because what people don't really realize about this genre is that its a full on contact sport. Its competitive. Its similar to being an athlete. Which I was my whole life. Similar to basketball - you gotta stay in the gym and the more work you put in...the more shots you take...the better your jump shot is. same with this...theres a fucking skill to it. You can be really good at it. Or you can be trash. And you can utilize it in the most combative ways. It gives me something to attack and focus my need of competitiveness on. Another thing I can obsess over. The samples ive been using in my beats have not ever been used before. These ideas are brand new in this shit. The topics I am spitting about are so serious to me. I want nothing to do with the stereotypical rapper aesthetic - the gimmicks - the drugs….all that can fuck off. I want to make a difference and tackle drug abuse, depression, anxiety, anger, the violence ive seen my whole life, hardcore, my old friends, my new friends, my love life, everything ive experienced. Im using actual real names, with actual real life things that happened with 0 apology about how you feel about it. I want to utilize this to up the worth of my words and vocabulary and paint the portrait of my life. I want it to mean something. I want to make change. Even if its on a small level. Man I feel everything. Its insane how this could all be so evident with just non stop self reflection. You vs. You….who will you become? Like I said…wake up. Hit the mic or bring up beats and just cook. If that hits a wall…just study study study study podcasts and interviews for hours and hours and hours. After that ill play basketball, run a mile, work out, and take it down to Ozark lol. Im invested. I don’t do anything illegal cause im a lil bish ass pussy but I wanna do some crazy shit lolol. 

Anyway, original point, I didn’t record any music. I was feeling restless and packed my shit and drove for literally 5 hours tonight. Went up 287. Hit a few nostalgic spots that I love so much and hold close to my heart. I listened to all the music ive been making. But mainly the objective was to just take a day to free myself of this grind and quarantine and be a fan of music….in the world….and reconnect with that feeling it gives you. I listened to early Alicia Keys, first Drake album, some Russ, some old folk shit, so much beautiful music. Damn it really moved me. 5 hours I drove around just visiting places that my heart are attached to. Those milestone places. Little ones….like a diner in Clark I went to once but something important started there. Or a venue in Hackensack called School Of Rock that I met my boy Alex at…when we attend a Horse The Band show together with a few homies and I got yelled at by some girl by the Merch table cause I used to be so fat and moshed so hard and punched like 14 people in the face and it was so not cool and so out of place lmao. I was in a awkward dress shirt I looked straight out of fucking Billy Madison. Horrible. Its always so interesting to me to return to places like this…after years and years and years of it only being a distant memory…to kind of return and prove it was real. I am such a different person now. As we all are. But I really drifted into a whole other land of opportunity that exists outside of everything I grew up around. Socially too. So sometimes it really does feel like everything and everyone I loved….everything I experienced…was just a dream and didn’t exist. It’s so odd. People I knew for 20 years…have no idea about anything I do now. They just see my social media. But that line is drawn. And vice versa - everyone in my life have 0 idea of my life prior. The people, the interests, the stories I tell are foreign. They’re like hardcore? Whats that? And meanwhile that was the most important thing in my life for literally 20 years….and if you told the people in my life at that time that the people in my life in the future wouldn’t even know what hardcore was….theyd be thoroughly confused as to why I was lying to them. But life goes on…and hey…sometimes you gotta take a trip down memory lane and cry in your car tears of joy that you don’t have to fucking fight loading in your gear anymore and you get to have platinum selling artists touch your beats. Or you get to sing songs with billboard charting artists, who have the biggest billboards you ever seen ,light up Times Square right above the spot you found a 100 dollars with your first love. If you told me that when I found that shit years ago id be like eat a dick we’re going to see Ceremony at the warren American legion peaaaaace lolol. 

Side bar - im listening to the national again. 

But this time the song “Quiet Light” and I want to point out that I think its magnificently adorable that a lyric is

“Im not the spiritual type…I still go out all the time to department stores” 

I have literally no idea what that means but I think its mad cute.

Department stores are cute as fuck because “things” are cute.

Like little things to put on bigger things yanno lol?

I think this song is entirely too amazing to be released to the public, it really makes you question everything you ever made, and reality.  I mean the line “between you and me I still fall apart at the sound of your voice”…OOF. Im just sitting here at 2:46 am on this Sunday, with my eyes closing for small moments to really soak in the beauty of this master piece. Whoever he is talking to ruined him. Ive been ruined, I understand and empathize with this. Primarily making rap and pop music it really opens up my taste to this indie type shit…really falls right into that open wound in the best way. It stings because it hits home so hard, but its so eloquent at the same time. Almost addicting. I want to take a lot of these sounds recreate them, and apply that to the music im making now that exists outside of this genre. I think it’d be crazy and it’d cross two worlds that haven’t been crossed. Damn im out here giving away the tea to you useless fuckers. 

Last night I had a dream about an old friend, that I don’t think is healthy in this time of my life to be around….but damn…it was like I relapsed on the heroin of our friendship. It was the realest shit I have ever dreamt. I woke up - with the exact feeling you get when you go home after you hangout with somebody in the flesh. This whole day it was very real, and felt like I spent a whole night with them, and all my wounds were reopened, all the great times were revisited, and it was just brought to the forefront of my mental. As if we just met. Its crazy dreams can do that. Its just sad that this is such a toxic relationship, and the inevitable cannot be avoided, and a true bond that exists somewhere, deep deep deep down in it, has to be supressed because of the negativity it brings. In the dream we were older, existing without issues, exploring that bond, with issues pushed aside. It was beautiful. I woke up genuinely upset, confused, with a wish that maybe one day we could meet again In a place that’s safe and relevant to who we are. Im at a point in my life where I haven't answered the phone in month for anybody, answered text messages, my bags are packed waiting for this shit to be over with so the rest of my life can begin. Theres no time for friends, love, social activities, or anything that doesn't have to do with business. But there will be a time in the future. This has visited me in the past before. Its interesting when you have to suppress shit that’s extremely bad for you, because its the right thing for you to do…but then the universe bypasses that completely and shakes your fucking soul. During the rest of my day I started realizing that I am really not okay with this person not in my life, like deep in my soul. Its too much of a damn shame, we’ve been through too much together. Every huge milestone in my life as a kid was shared with this person…years and years of growth. Every story I share with people in my life now, was experienced with them, every amazing time, every horrible life altering time. I learned so much, and even taught. I became a young man with them, and then a man. How is it that these new people around in my life have my time…but this person doesn’t? One day we will meet again…when the time is right…..in a different time of our lives. When it’s right. For us. You were my best friend, and no matter how far we are from each other….I got you. In the  depths of my soul and heart. Id literally kill somebody and go to prison for murder for you. But if you happen to read this - you already know that. 

I am listening to “Never Meant” by American Football.

To quote Mike Kinsella 

“Lets just pretend

Everything and

Anything between you and me

Was never meant

Was never meant”

-1-

[talesofgrace]

I know everyone probably thinks this but my family are truly the best family there is. Last night proved it. It also reminded me guys how many people Im related to and how much we can enjoy each others company.

Yesterday (14th November) marked 10 months since we lost my wonderful Uncle Dominic so suddenly and unexpectedly. 10 month of tears, smiles, laughs, hugs and readjusting to life without him here. I can’t even begin to put into words how proud I am of my two beautiful cousins and my amazing auntie. It makes me burst with pride and cry when I think of them and how they’ve found strength to continue together and unite as a unit. There are moments when I almost forget what has happened and then in a split second I remember and I cry, I miss him and I never saw him every day so what I’m feeling is only a fraction of what I do.

Saturday night was one of those times.

Earlier this year my family announced they would be setting up a foundation in memory of my uncle and would be using it to donate money to Wythenshaw’s CTCCU where the amazing staff looked after him and my family so well. They also announce they would be holding a charity ball called The King’s Ball and all the money raised would be going to the unit. They had turned something awful into something good so that they could help others who had been through a time like theirs.

Well let me tell you for first timers at organising a charity ball… what a fucking roaring success it was!!

Firstly the room was packed, I mean packed. This was not only a testament to how wonderful my uncle was but how amazing and well respected my Auntie and cousins are too. I remember looking around thinking he’d of bloody loved this event!

Secondly Bruce Turner who hosted the night was a star. If there was ever someone born to do something like that Bruce is that bloke.

It still amazes me how much strength my cousins have to get up and stand in front of people and talk about their dad and what they’ve gone through. He’d be super proud of you both for last night.

And thirdly there were a few things going on to raise money throughout the night:

Heads and tails; donate £10 to play, Bruce flipped a coin and basically the room chose heads or tails and the last person standing won a prize.

£10 raffle; write your name on a tenner chuck it in a bucket and if you get drawn out you win a prize.

pledges; everyone who wanted to could write a pledge to raise £100 over the next 12 months by either doing something or just donating at a later date. I’m pretty sure almost everyone in the room pledged to raise money. Some people had already signed up for half marathons and things in advance of the night but pledged to put the money to the foundation.

Champagne raffle; pretty much what it says on the tin, £10 in and there was a bottle of champagne on each table and if you were drawn you won it

Live auction; people had generously donated things towards this on offer we had 

Signed Epiphone EJ200 guitar signed by Dives, manic street preachers, Feeder, Echo & the bunnymen, The Coral and the Twang

1 week stay in Karmylassos Cottages in Turkey

2 nights stay at The Abbey House Hotel in Cumbria

Gin master classs at Albert Square Chophouse

Fully signed framed Manchester United shirt

Tickets to see Manchester City vs Leicester and a signed Raheem Sterling shirt

Tickets for the Manchester derby sat on the halfway line

Then there was a live band who played until the end of the night who were also bloody brilliant too!!

It was such a wonderful night for wonderful man. He’d of loved every minute of that!!

My cousins announced the other day they raised a staggering £38,375!!!! In one night!!!!! And it’s all going to the unit!!

Ive been scrolling through the photos and videos of the night and seeing what everyone has put on insta and Facebook and I am just so incredibly proud to have been part of it and Im even more proud of the effort that everyone put in to help make it happen.

Saturday night was simply wonderful. I can’t put into words how immensely proud I am of my family and the strength they have shown. To turn something so sad into something so wonderful. He would of been very proud (and a bit gutted he missed such a good shindig).

  “Out of every tragedy,” he said, “comes new strength”

― Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus

                      The King’s Ball I know everyone probably thinks this but my family are truly the best family there is. Last night proved it.

[dork-empress]

Star Trek: DS9

part of my ‘another 100 dragon prince aus’ oneshot collection

Read on Ao3

Commander Harrow has a new assignment on a Xadian station. He's not expecting it to be easy, but it might be even more difficult than he imagined.

I know I already did a Star Trek AU, but this is a DIFFERENT Star Trek. Last one was more generic/Next Generation, this one is specific-DS9

Harrow opened the holodeck doors to find his children right where he thought he would, sitting at the edge of a porch, watching idyllic snow fall around the cabin. “You both all packed?”

“Yes Dad,” Ezran said. Callum was silent.

Harrow came over and dropped between them, looking at the snowflakes. Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched his sons. Ezran was a bit melancholy, sure, but had already accepted the change they were going through. Callum, though...Callum had lost so much already. He hadn’t had a home in a long time. “We’ll only be on the station a little while,” Harrow assured him, “A year, maybe two, to help the Xadians get back on their feet.”

Callum’s eyebrows twitched, but he said nothing. Harrow would go where he was assigned, in this case a station orbiting the planet Xadia, but it wasn’t much of a place for children. Callum had been through so much. Ezran didn’t remember the loss of their mother, but Harrow was sure Callum did. He would never forget either.

Callum opened his mouth, “Can we take the Banther Lodge program?” he asked, monotone.

“Of course!” Harrow insisted, “This is coming with us wherever we go.” Callum nodded, and stood up, Harrow and Ezran following him.

As the family stepped off the shuttle and into the station, the disrepair was immediately evident. Whole pieces of the promenade were falling off, making it impossible to walk across. Harrow had known the Xadian’s oppressors meant to leave the station in tatters, but this was ridiculous.

“Callum, take Ezran out to the habitat ring,” Harrow said, his fatherly instincts finding every danger in sight, “the computer will lead you to our quarters. You guys can start getting set up there.” Callum nodded, putting a hand on Ezran’s back as he led him through the least debree-filled corridors.

Harrow finally saw a face he knew, and approached his old friend. “Chief Viren?”

Viren jerked out of his focus to follow the voice, instantly breaking out into a smile, “Claudia, take over for me,” he said, allowing an ensign in blue to step in. Viren held out his arms for an embrace, which Harrow gratefully accepted. “About time you got here, Commander. I was starting to think you were just going to let us handle all the hard work while you got to sit back and take the credit.”

“Well, that is what a typical commander is supposed to be doing, hm?” Harrow and Viren both chuckled. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you working on the transporter systems? Aren’t the environmental controls a little more important right now?” He could already feel the uneven combination of the cold from outer space and warmth from the energy compartments.

At that, Viren prickled, “Ah, yes, that was my thought too, but um. Well, until you arrived, the ranking officer on the station was rather...insistent.”

Harrow frowned, “My first officer?” he asked, to which Viren nodded, “I haven’t met her yet, what is she like?”

Viren opened his mouth, looking for diplomatic words. “Have you ever worked with a Sunfire Xadian, sir?” Harrow searched his memory. He’d worked with the occasional Xadian who’d joined starfleet, enough to know that the divisions of local made the different Xadians practically different species. He was friends with a Earthstone Xadian once, who was pretty laid back. But no sunfire elves, so he shook his head. “Well, they’re, uh, very…..passionate.”

At that, he heard a great deal of clambering. He turned to see a Xadian girl, not much older than Callum, rushing through the promenade clutching what was clearly a stolen piece of equipment. She climbed up towards the upper landing to avoid the Xadian woman chasing her, gold lines and anger on her face, “Come back here with that!” she shouted.

Without blinking, Harrow took out his phaser, set it on its lowest level, and fired just above the girl’s head. The sparks were enough to get her to jump back down, into the woman’s custody. With one hand on the girl to keep her steady, she turned on Harrow, “What do you think you’re doing? No weapons are allowed on the promenade!”

“Apologies,” Harrow said, putting his phaser back in its holster. “Commander Harrow. I assume you’re Major Janai?”

Janai’s scowl twisted as she absorbed his identity. “Excellent introduction, Commander,” she said, “shooting down a Xadian child. You’re wonderful with this PR.”

Harrow was about to apologize again, when the girl spoke up, “I’m not a child!” she said, as snarkily as only a teenager of any race could, “And I didn’t steal this. It’s mine!”

“It’s a station replicator,” Janai pulled out of her hands, “It’s the stations.”

“But only I used it!” the girl argued, “So im taking it with me!”

“No, you’re not.” A Xadian man approached, who looked similar to the girl. “Apologies, Major, he said to Janai, “I’ll take my niece and be going now. No harm done.”

“This isn’t her first offense, Runaan” Janai argued, “It’s at least a couple hours in a holding cell for that. Not that she isn’t used to it,” Janai sneered at the girl. Harrow was amazed at her ability to defend the girl one second, and then arrest her the next.

Another man, this one a sunfire elf, came up, loaded down with bags. “Commander,” Runaan addressed Harrow, “You must understand, we DO have a shuttle to catch.”

Harrow looked between all the players, “I think you should miss your shuttle,” he said, “In fact, I think you should miss all the shuttles and unpack.”

“Are you threatening me?” Runaan snarled.

“Not at all,” Harrow finished, “Its a request,” he looked around, “We’re going to repair this station, and when it is, we’ll need people like you living in it. Families. Shops. So that people feel safe here.”

Runaan shook his head, “This is no place for a child. Rayla gets into enough trouble as it is.” Rayla looked offended.

“It’s not going to be a place for a child until there are children here,” Harrow said, “I mean to open up a school here, which my own children will attend. They will need classmates. I hope your niece will be one of them.”

He could tell the Xadians were all suspicious of him. Hesitant, Runaan allowed Janai to take Rayla away for her upscale time-out. It was a start.