#like to be clear; love meds for people when they're helpful and work

[medicinemane]

Mhh... this isn't like meant as... some deep criticism of this or that, it's really just talking about my personal feelings on something. It's not saying what other people should be doing

For me though, I actually really don't like to be asked my pronouns. Not in a "you should just know" kinda way, but in a I'd literally prefer no one ask and get it wrong than ask me. Just kinda not something I feel like talking about... just kinda... don't like giving out information about myself and I'd rather people assume whatever they want

Again, nothing deeper here. Just saying that for me the time someone asked me my pronouns I just kinda dodged it, and when they asked again it was uncomfortable but gave em an answer. Thinking on this cause I saw a video where next to someone's name it listened their pronouns and it's like... cor blimey I wouldn't care for that, frankly even giving out my name to people is a bit much, innit?

More and more I just don't like giving away information on me. It's like some kinda fae mindset of like "not giving your name" or something, except for no concrete reason, just don't like mhh...

Maybe it's linked to how descriptivist I am. Like the number of labels I wear are next to zero. Don't really feel like identifying with this or that movement, rather let my actions and ideas stand on their own instead of under a banner, and so maybe it's like that with the pronouns

Like you figure it out mate, right or wrong I prefer that to saying

[adripakoffee]

I don't post on here often and by that I mean I'm on here once a month to look at writing prompts but right now I'm thinking of Anya from Mouthwashing, and Tumblr is better for long form posts. Apologies if this rant isn't super clear, I'm on pain meds right now.

CW: S/A, SUICIDE, OVERDOSE, MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS

Anyway, Anya very well may be one of the most doomed characters to ever doom. Firstly she's trapped in a relatively small space ship with 4 men, who she has to keep alive and healthy along with giving them periodic mental wellness checks (which she, herself never gets). Two of these men don't take her seriously at all because she probably doesn't actually have a medical degree and is just someone the company hired to cut corners. If that wasn't all ready awful, the co-captain, Jimmy, has been assaulting her since at least the start of this voyage that's been going on for 100+ days. She falls pregnant because of this and while this isn't where her spiral started, this is where it gets worse. She originally plans to kill herself with the Captain's gun, but decides against it since she can't get to the gun without Curly's help anyway.

Speaking of Curly, he knows what's been going on, she told him about Jimmy a while before the crash. Every time, Curly says "I'll do something about it," or "I'll fix this," but the most he does is keep Jimmy away from Anya when they're working. Anya seems fine with that for the most part because I think she assumes Curly will report Jimmy and have him arrested when they land (he won't, at this point in the game he'd defend Jimmy for anything because "he sees the best in people. He loves to say "our worst moments don't define us" and apparently that extends to r@pe). So at this point, she's biding her time until they land.

Back to the gun, when Curly finds her holed up in the cockpit, she tells him she's pregnant. He's a little taken aback but he tries to reassure her that it's fine and he'll fix the "situation" with Jimmy. He says he can't let her kill herself because he does actually care about her. One of his flaws is he cares about everyone so much he can't imagine compromising one of them for any reason. Anya tells him she wasn't going to hurt herself, though she thought about it, she just hid the gun case so Jimmy couldn't kill her instead. She's so convinced Jimmy just wants to kill and torment her when the sad truth is, he couldn’t care less.

In all of Jimmy's "take responsibility" hallucinations, Anya barely shows up. Swansea, Curly, and Daisuke do, but he can't bring himself to even recognize what's happened to Anya is also solely his fault. He doesn't care at all.

Speaking of which, what seems the straw that breaks the camel's back for Jimmy is Anya telling him that she's pregnant because he crashes the ship pretty sure after. And this really seems like a spur of the moment action because if he'd planned this he could've done it much earlier after the news of the company closing reached them.

Curly says Anya should've waited for him to help her tell Jimmy about the pregnancy, but that doesn't matter because he is put out of commission like (I forgot if it's a day later or the same day) later because he's in the cockpit when the ship crashes.

Now Anya has no hope, Jimmy knows she's pregnant, the seemingly one line of defense she has against him can't leave his bed, and they're stuck in space. She's terrified because not only because of that, but because Jimmy is captain now and because of the way the ship is set up, you need the captain for a lot of things. Jimmy being captain also means if he finds the gun case, he now has the code to open it.

Anya, being the ships medic, is tasked with keeping Curly alive and giving him his meds. It's really difficult for her, A. because Curly is hard to look at, B. because unless he's full of pain meds, he's making noise, and C. because that was her friend and one of the only people she felt safe around and he's been reduced to this. And from her perspective, this is his fault, Curly crashed the ship.

This situation is stressful for everyone, Swansea has reverted back to alcoholism and never drops the ax he has, Daisuke is slowly losing hope and also starts drinking, and Jimmy won't stop yelling at her. He's so pissed at her the entire game, more so than everyone else. She was already scared of him but before there was at least a light at the end of the tunnel. Now there's nothing to look forward to because she doesn't think there's any way out.

She, at some point when he's sober enough, confides in Swansea who then tells her that she's gonna be the one to get out of here. He has the one last working cryo pod set aside for her specifically and refuses to let anyone into the room where it is. Unfortunately, at this point, her anxiety concerning Jimmy is so bad, she's convinced he'd do something to the pod too.

So then Anya locks herself in the med bay with Curly and all the rest of the ships medicine (- minus the Isopropyl which she probably left for Daisuke and Swansea) and overdoses by Curly's bed. Curly was awake the whole time she went through a probably painful death. She also, as maybe a final revenge, took the last of the pain meds that were meant for Curly. And she dies right next to him.

That's where her story ends. She felt so trapped and scared by her r@pist that got her pregnant that she killed herself next to the one person who could've done something, but instead, from her perspective, trapped her with said r@pist.

She died probably hoping that Daisuke or Swansea would make it out, not knowing they died soon after.

TLDR;

So from her perspective: A guy she's been friends with for years starts repeatedly assaulting her and she's stuck with him, then he gets her pregnant. Her other friend who she tells says he'll do something about it (he won't) and she has no choice but to trust him. Then the guy she told crashes the ship they're all on and fails in taking himself out. Now she's trapped with her r@pist and she tells someone else who does actually try to do something but she kills herself instead.

Anyways guys, I'm just missing my wife, the end.

[findafight]

Tw for hospitals and use of of pain medication, infection, and canonical injuries, brief mention of the AIDS crisis. Ohhhh steddie dating pre S4 au where Robin has now been subjected at work to Steve both striking out spectacularly and flirting like he knows he's getting laid that night. She isn't sure which is worse. (The striking out is worse. She is glad her friend is happy. She's just painfully single and pining away)

The same stuff happens in s4 minus Robin and Eddie pushing Steve and Nancy together romantically (Dustin is trying to push Steve to both Robin or Nancy he's like dude these are girls you like why are you not making a move on them! I want you to be happy!!! And Steve rips his eyes away from Eddie's lips like huh?) But they're still like hey Nancy! It would be nice! If we could be friends maybe! And it's still awkward.

Robin is out here sweating and glaring at Steve and eddie trying to beam thoughts into Eddie's brain in the Upside Down like Eddie please cool it I know it's a stressful situation but stop staring at Steve's tits for five minutes pl-oh giving him your vest??? You think that's going to help? Ok buddy. I'm just going to. Distract Nancy up ahead a little bit while you and Steve chat aaaaand neither of you are listening. Fine.

And it's still a mess. Max and Eddie and Steve end up in the hospital. The ground split open but sealed itself once Steve cut Henry's head off. Everything is over.

Eddie gets discharged first, despite having more bites than Steve, because his didn't have two days to get infected with Upside Down nastiness. So he ends up camped out with Robin at Steve's bedside as he fights the infection with antibiotics (the doctors hope will work), pain meds, and a slight fever.

Which is to say, completely out of it and high as a kite.

So when Dustin visits and Steve is awake, he gets to see a big, goofy grin spread across his best friend's/adoptive older brother's face as he reaches out and says "dusssstyyyy! Cmere. Lemme. Boop you." And yeah, okay, it makes him feel a bit like a baby but Steve is out of it and apparently drugged Steve likes to Boop his younger friends noses. Dustin can accept that. He sighs and leans forward and allows his nose to be booped.

Steve giggles and smiles and pats his head. "Good to see you, man"

Dustin smiles, a bit watery because it's hard to see Steve in the hospital again, and because it was fucking terrifying to watch him nearly drop to the ground after making sure Eddie got treatment, only being caught by Robin. Dustin almost lost three people he loves, and he is so fucking glad they're all alive, if not well.

"yeah, Steve. Good to see you, too. They say when you're allowed to blow this pop stand?"

Steve frons. "No. Still got Upside Down goobies in my guts, 'parently."

Robin sighs. "They said a few more days. Make sure the infection is clear and there's no suspicious side effects."

"yeah. That's what I said, Robin."

Dustin grins, then settles down beside Robin, across from Eddie. He hasn't said anything since Dustin walked in, but was playing with the sleeve of Steve's hospital gown and tracing patterns on his arm. He looks up at Dustin, and offers a small smile.

It's a bit weird, how close he's stuck by Steve this whole time, but Dustin guesses they probably bonded when they got sucked through the watergate, and that Steve saving his life really endeared him to Eddie. He hopes they can be actual, real friends once things settle. Given how much Eddie is at Steve's bedside, he thinks they're well on their way to it.

They all chat for a while, Steve sometimes getting off topic and dreamy, but looking happy even when he isn't quite following what they're all saying. Dustin is pretty sure Steve doesn't have his hearing aids in on top of the drugs, so he isn't really surprised.

His mom eventually bustles into the room, and fusses over Steve. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Let me know if we can do anything, I mean anything, to help, okay? I'm sorry I cant visit for longer today, but what with everything happening like this, I -"

"isss okay, Mrs. H...Ma." Steve corrects himself immediately, smiling. Dustin's insides always get a bit squiggly when Steve calls his Ma, Ma. Like they're actual brothers, and she's their mom, and no one could ever argue they're not family for real. What makes it better that it was Ma who insisted Steve call her that since January of '85, as though she knew just how much both Dustin and Steve needed each other like that.

"I'll be by tomorrow, okay, dear? Robin, you and Eddie are alright for tonight? I'll stay tomorrow but today I re-"

"it's fine! Seriously, Mrs. H. Don't worry about us. My parents will force me home tomorrow anyways, but tonight we're good." Robin grips at Steve's ankle, grounding herself. Dustin doesn't think there's been a day when she hasn't been in Steve's room. Doubts if the places were reversed Steve wouldn't have to be dragged out to shower and change clothes. They're so weird, but Dustin is glad Steve has someone older that loves him like Robin does. It makes it easier to not be able to spend all day with him like he wants to.

"okay. Alright." She leans forward and kisses Steve's forehead a few times, brushes some stray hairs out of his face, just like she does when Dustin is sick in bed. "You take care Steve, sweetheart, and make sure you let Robin and Eddie take care of you too." She turns to Dustin. "I'll give you a few minutes to say goodbye and then meet me down at the car, okay?"

Dustin nods, and his mom is out the door. He sighs. "Well. I guess I'd better head out." He gives Steve a hug, a bit awkward from Steve lying down, but it's fine, Steve wraps his arms around Dustin and tries to give him his normal double squeeze, but it's more of a press with his hands than anything. Dustin'll take it. "I'm glad you're getting better Steve. Glad we're all safe."

Steve's smile is soft, gooey in a way that he usually tries to hide. "Glad you're safe, too, man. Love you." Something in his smile sharpens, then. "Unlike some people in this room you actually...listened? When I told you not to be a hero. And didn't nearly almost die."

Eddie groans, dramatic. It seems like a game they're playing with each other more than anything, but it's a game Dustin doesn't know the parameters of, and it's jarring. "C'mon, Steve. I said I was sorry! I wasn't going to let Dustin get hurt."

Steve glares at Eddie, which would be more intimidating if he wasn't scrutching up his nose or propped up by pillows freshly fluffed by one Claudia Henderson. "Which is the reason why you're allowed in here even though you almost died. Dustin is safe, and that's good. But I'd've been so fuckin pissed if you died."

Robin snorts, pats Steve's hand. "Oh, buddy. You'd have been inconsolable."

"yeah. Exactly. it would have fucking sucked, Eddie. So. I'm still mad at you, even though I love you. Probably because I love you."

Which is. Not what Dustin was expecting. Sure, Steve was pretty open about his love. Especially after Starcourt, when he finally seemed to settle into something Dustin thinks of as comfortable with who he is. (Which is, actually, a big softie with a bit of a bitchy mouth) He's told Dustin he loves him before, and he's pretty sure he's told Max too. Steve says he loves Robin all the time, just not romantically even if Dustin doesn't think that's entirely true, but.

This feels different.

It is different, given the way Eddie squeaks a bit and sways towards Steve. "Steve..." He breathes, his eyes big and wet and wide. He swallows. "Steve. Dustin doesn't. He's still here, i--"

Steve's brow furrows. "Yeah? So? Did you not want...oh." something in the blankness that drops over Steve is scary, especially in comparison to how Steve's been open and lax the entire time Dustin's been in the room.

Steve turns his head slightly towards Eddie, ten slightly away, like he doesn't know if he wants to look at him or not. Dustin shuffles his feet, not quite sure what's going on, feeling awkward and wrongfooted. Robin stands, puts her hand on Dustin's shoulder, tries to turn him away and out the door, but Dustin isn't leaving when Steve's face is all stiff and blank like it is.

"steve--" Eddie sounds wrung out, wrecked. What the hell is going on?

Steve sniffs ever so slightly, interrupting Eddie. "You don't have to say it. You don't even have to-uh. To feel it, right now. That's okay. I've done that before. I can wait." Dustin sees a muscle twitch in his jaw. "But if you- if you don't think you can, I need to know now, actually. Because now Dustin knows but he's my brother so that's good and fine but if you don't want to--if you don't think this is gonna, like, be a long-term, tell people important to us kind of thing; if you're realizing that it's been long enough that you should feel that--that way about me but you don't, then I need to know because I don't want you lying about how you feel. I can't do that again. When you say it back I want to be sure you mean-"

"I love you too, Steve! Jesus fuck." Eddie blurts, apparently having had enough of. Well. Everything Steve was saying.

It's dawning on Dustin that maybe when Steve and Eddie said they knew each other they didn't just mean from highschool. That they. Well. Obviously they love each other. Which is....something to consider later because Steve looks like he's about to cry. Because Woah, Dustin has misread a lot between the two of them if they're...like this.

"yeah? You're sure?" He says, wobbly now he isn't rambling.

Eddie's squished himself more into Steve's space. "yes, yeah, of course Steve. Fuck. You met Wayne! I want you in my life, for a long, long time. I don't- I didn't do anything to make you think I didn't, did I?" His voice is a little rough, and little pleading.

Steve shakes his head, grips Eddie's hand in his m, even as Eddie uses it to support himself over top Steve. "No. I just. I know it freaks people out, is all, and I don't want you to freak out, or leave, or think you had to because we've been dating for a few months and I want to say it. It just came out because it's true."

Eddie laughs, leans in reeealy close to Steve. "Honey. It came out because you're high and morphene."

Steve grumbles a bit, but he's smiling too, and knocks their foreheads together. "Yeah. And also because it's true. I love you."

Eddie's eyelids flutter, Dustin can see, as he grins. "And I love you." He says, before closing the distance and kissing Steve squarely on the mouth.

Robin clears her throat. "As...heartwarming and sappy you two are. Dustin has to leave, and probably...has some questions? That he's not going to be a dick about?" She says this as she grips his shoulder tightly, in a way that is definitely a threat.

Dustin nods furiously. Eddie sighs but pushes away from Steve, not before pecking him again, drawing that dopey smile back into Steve's face. "Yeah." He says. "I'll walk you out Henderson."

Dustin waves goodbye to Steve, who seems cheery once again, wiggling his fingers are Dustin and Eddie, before walking out the door behind Eddie.

"so. How long have...has that been a thing?" He asks, as soon as they clear the doorframe.

Eddie huffs, but seems good natured about it. "Few months. December."

"okay." Says Dustin. "Uh. I didn't. I didn't know you...or Steve, I guess...I didn't know you guys were-" he lowers his voice, despite the hallway being surprisingly empty. "Gay."

There's something steely in Eddie's eye when he answers. "We're not. Well-we are, but we both also like women."

Something doesn't sit right about that with Dustin. "But! You just said-"

Eddie holds his hands up, and Dustin shuts his mouth on instinct. "You can like both while just dating one person, Dustin. Just because you like women doesn't mean you're going around with girls who aren't Suzie, right?" He nods. He adores Suzie, can't really imagine looking at any other girl like that because she's just. Amazing. She's his girlfriend and they love each other, and just because girls are pretty great doesn't mean Dustin wants anything other than friendship wi--oh. He sees where Eddie is going.

"right. Yeah. Sorry."

Eddie shrugs. "Steve kinda dropped a bomb in both of us, today"

""isn't it weird though?"

"well...girls and guys are different"

"they are indeed."

"so, if you like girls, why do you like...boys...too?"

"why do you like girls and not boys, Dustin?"

Which is hard to answer because, well. Dustin's never really thought about why he likes girls. He just does. And maybe that's what Eddie means. There's no reason, really. People just...like what they like.

Or there are reasons, because girls are pretty and often smell nice and Suzie looks like a mad scientist when her ponytail gets a little loose after hours of working on a project, her eyes glinting behind her glasses as she giggles and bites her lip, just a little. But that's mostly Suzie. So. He can't really put a finger on why he's only ever had crushes on girls, or why before last summer they've never been as much or as consuming as his love for Suzie. Never been anything like the long days spent together at camp building and creating and blasting ideas off each other, before one day Suzie took his hand and they ended up sneaking away to look at the stars, trying to outdo each other's knowledge about them and slowly being pulled into the other's orbit like binary stars. He's never really wanted to kiss anyone like he wants to kiss Suzie, not even when he had a brief and fleeting crush on Max.

"oh." Is what he says, and feels pretty lame for it.

Eddie shrugs. "You can't really choose who you like." He says before breathing in. "But you do choose who you love, and how you love them."

And. Well. Dustin thinks of his Ma sweeping Steve up into family dinners every other week, and how the party absorbed Max into it as easy as anything, and holding Suzie's hand as they looked up at the stars in dew covered grass feeling like the world starts and ends there, and of Steve and Robin cackling together and having seemingly no personal space or boundaries between them. And of Steve and Eddie, saying I love you for the first time in a hospital room after saving the world.

"That's pretty good." Dustin says, and Eddie smirks at him.

"yeah. Steve said it to me, way back on our second date."

Dustin scoffs. Because he should have known; it's so typically Steve to say something like that. "And you were surprised when he said he loves you?"

Eddie's eyes twinkle in the florescent lights of the hospital. "Nah. Just... it's different being pretty sure, and knowing for sure. I also didn't want him saying something in front of you he'd regret."

He nods. "That's fair. I...don't know how I would've taken it if Steve weren't in the hospital, honestly. Like!" He tries to reassure Eddie "I would have gotten over it, for sure! But if had had sat me ore the party down and talked it out I might've been, like, y'know. Super weird about it. Because. I mean. This talk is good, right? I'm think about things and thinking about how I've only ever really wanted to kiss Suzie, even if I thought about maybe abstractly kissing other people. And how we as humans have all these quirks that let us be human, but different, which enable us as a species to thrive." He heaves a breath. "But. Seeing Steve all loopy and saying it, and then being worried you felt pressure about it, I dunno. It makes sense, I guess. I don't know how you two met or got to know each other, but. I guess it makes sense, how you like each other. And talking to you now. It's helped, I think."

Everything is a bit scrambled in Dustin's brain, the love and the confusion and the worry, because it's setting in that in Hawkins, something like this, for Steve and Eddie, is dangerous. Something that could get them hurt or killed, scorned by the town they've helped save.

His mother always grumbles agrily when ads about how the virus going around is God's punishment for sinners, or how it's cleaning up the streets of unwanted people gays and addicts. She huffs, swears. Says that just because bigots don't consider the people getting sick as wanted or valuable, doesn't mean no one does. That no one deserves to get sick for things they cannot control, or for things they can. A smoker is more likely to get lung cancer, but that doesn't mean they deserve it more than someone who's never seen a cigarette.

Their families will mourn them the same.

They reach the main doors, and Dustin sees his mom has pulled into a pick up lane, blinkers on. He turns to Eddie, and burries his face in his neck.

Eddie takes it in stride, parting his back and giving him a bit of a squeeze. It's not as good a hug as Steve gives, but that bar is only really surpassed by his mom, so it's still a good hug.

"please be careful, Eddie."

"ah," says Eddie, and he pulls back slightly. "We are, man. You're close to both of us and didn't suspect. We know what we're doing."

Dustin raised his eyebrows. Now that he has context, a lot of interactions between Steve and Eddie in the wake of getting them out of the Upside Down seem a lot less friendly.

Eddie chuckles. "Seriously. We are. It was just hard during everything, and, well, we both feel safe around you guys. I think Steve's been gearing up to ask me if we can tell all of you sheepies soon."

"yeah?"

"yeah, bud. Don't worry about us."

"Considering you just got released and Steve is still in the hospital, I think a little worrying over you jackasses is justified."

Eddie smirks. "Fine. A normal and reasonable amount of worrying, then. But no more than that. Now, git! Your ma's waiting on you."

Dustin smiles, "yeah, yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

"yep. You know where to find me."

He waves again as he hopes into the front seat, and buckles his seatbelt before Ma can ask him to. He smiles at her, and feels oddly...grounded. a mystery has been solved, even if Dustin doesn't have all the pieces, he still has the big picture.

"everything alright, Dusty? Nothing wrong with Steve, is there?" She asks, even as she changes out of park.

"yeah, yeah. Just accidentally stumbled over something saying goodbye, and was worried about them. But everything is fine. Robin and Eddie have Steve handled."

They turn out of the hospital parking lot, heading for home. Ma smiles. It's softer, more indulgent than usual. "Yes. They're good for each other, I think. Compliment one another nicely."

Dustin doesn't bother asking which set she's talking about, thinks maybe they both know.

[hyperfixation-symposium]

I'm a q!Bad defender to my soul, and I want to talk about why I am frustrated with a lot of the (characters) responses to his current lore!!!

I am not talking about the cc!s only the characters!! I don't think anyone intentionally broke into his lore or broken anything lorewise this is just about the characters!

Bad has been on a downwards spiral for a while now, and it has been clear to everyone in his life. However, so few people have acted in this need to help him, and now, they seem shocked that he didn't get better! And that he got worse!

Instead of channeling anything into helping him, they're only pushing him farther away.

When the vacation arc started, it didn't seem to take long for people to realize it was less of a vacation and more a way to excuse his more unhealthy behaviors he was indulging in. However, instead of reaching out, the people in his life told him he needed help, but didn't offer any. They told him he should take a break, but still pushed their responsibilities and expectations on him.

They watched as he got worse, all insisting it was fine with a smile on. But you know who knew, who understood, who tried to do the most for him?

The eggs.

Bad's kids, as well as the other eggs, love their tio Bad. Tio Bad visiting is like Christmas, but for the best armour and supplies. Tio Bad visiting is comfort and dedication, it's safety.

The eggs knew the most about how much he was suffering, and took the most action to help. Because they could tell he wouldn't push anyone to act for him. They were grounding but also incredibly supportive.

Bad could argue about politics with Forever, he could fight and get no credit, he could leave gifts unrecognized and never repaid, all was okay if he had his kids.

Then the furniture gets stolen.

Everyone was quick to jump on him. In a moment all the work he had ever done didn't seem to matter. He was imprisoned unfairly, questioned, hell the way he ran from the place you could tell it bothered him. And he only got 1 apology from Cellbit for that damned day.

It seemed as if everything he did disappeared into the background of Bad taking a (frankly, easy to get) resource. It wasn't right of him to do, but all the sudden he was evil for it. He didn't even do it this time.

If there was one easy thing to push his mistrust of others over the edge, it was that. But it was okay, because he still had his family.

And then the eggs disappeared.

Bad was already low. He had dealt with everything Dapper was hiding from him, Pomme admitting she wasn't well either, but they could get through it together. Family.

And then they were gone. Without a trace, without an indication of where they might have gone.

And everyone goes a bit insane. Forever, one of Bad's closest and most trusted friends, ends up on Cucurucho meds, and then in a coma. While trying to help him, trying to keep the other parents spirits up, no one is doing the same for him. He's alone in his house, talking to a statue of his best friend. Never so far away.

And then finally, when everything is falling apart, he accepts who he is. A demon, an ancient creature capable of terrible things, and a father. A father who will do anything for his children.

Including hurting an innocent.

And now, as people are finding out about this, they're getting upset at him. How could he, reach such a low! But they're not recognizing that they never helped him. They never refused to let him go until he got proper help, hell, the room Forever made for him was so so late in Bad's cry for help. Which is not to minimize it, hell, Bad himself said it was the first time in a long time that it felt like everything was going to be okay. It was the first time he didn't antagonize Ron openly, even gave him gifts. And I feel like that's a show of just how much Bad needed someone, anyone, to be the person he was for them to him.

And now he could loose all of that again.

It all feels like it was doomed to fall. When a person who gives others their everything never gets anything in return, what happens when they run out of things to give? When everything they worked for is gone?

Maybe move away. Where no one can find you. Take whatever is left and go.

Bad's family is shattered. Bad is shattered.

And while I don't blame anyone for being upset at him, I wish it was recognized how much they didn't help him before, how much effort they put towards their own things disregarding him in a way he never did them.

The one major expection?

q!Foolish.

In this essay I will shot for talking too much

Anyways. No proof reading we die like Juanaflippa! Ofc this is all roleplay and Bad's cries for help could be put off or overlooked for many reasons and I don't blame the CC!s for anything I love all the characters. Back to real life I go

[keezybees]

Hi! I follow you across social media and I really love your art and am super looking forward to reading Hello Sunshine! I wanted to reach out because I'm also Bipolar and I really appreciate the work you do to spread awareness about it but there's something that I find kind of harmful in how you talk about it, and it's just the insistance that it absolutely can't be treated through non-medical means. I fully understand that meds are life-saving and that depending on the severity of symptoms, length, and frequency of episodes, going without medication can be lethal. However, as someone with Bipolar I but controlled symptoms (and frankly symptoms that seem a lot less disruptive than yours, I'm sorry), hearing that there's no path forward without medication would easily have triggered suicidal thoughts when I was younger. There are a lot of reasons why people can't be medicated (for me it was a combination of family control and financial struggle), but hearing at your lowest that there's no way forward without something that you can't have is really damaging. I think it's totally possible to stress the importance of medical access and the need to work with your medical provider without erasing the ways that non-medical treatments can also be life-saving, depending on a person's situation/symptoms/etc and that some people can live full lives even if their symptoms aren't fully controlled. Anyway, I love your work and I just wanted to raise this alternate perspective because I think you're helping a lot of people, but I also think a lot of people can be harmed by this rhetoric, especially marginalized people who can't seek medication for any number of factors beyond their control.

Hi Anon! I totally hear what you're saying, and so I just wanted to run through a few things to clarify my stance, both for you and for others who might be reading this (omg I am SO sorry this is so long though haha):

I do emphasize treatment a lot, because I think it's really important for people to work with professionals to find ways to manage their illness. This is partly due to my own experience (I avoided treatment for a looong time) and anecdotally, but also because the research we have is pretty clear--untreated bipolar has much, much worse outcomes for a vast majority of people. However! When I say treatment, I don't necessarily mean medication, and certainly not only medication! I absolutely think some people (though it is sadly rare) can find ways of managing their illness medication-free. I just feel that it's best to do this work with the help of professionals + peers (whether that's a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, social worker, support group, etc) who can help you find your way, and help you manage symptoms that do crop up (this is especially true if you're currently on medication and choosing to go off of it, since that can come with physical risks). I could definitely stand to make this distinction a lot clearer though, and I'll try to be more mindful of it in the future.

I also can definitely see how my words could imply that I think non-medication ways of treating bipolar aren't valuable, and I'll work on my phrasing going forward, because they absolutely are! My aim is not to dismiss stuff like self-help or lifestyle changes or meditation or exercise, because I think they're great--for example, that kind of stuff has helped a ton with my anxiety and overall quality of life, and I know for a lot of people they help with their bipolar symptoms. But for me, these things simply don't have much of an impact on the bipolar, and our culture's emphasis on them frustrates me because it prevented me from getting proper care for a very long time, and made me feel like a failure for not being able to control my symptoms despite working so hard. So I'll also try to be more clear in the future about whether I'm venting about my own situation vs speaking broadly.

I also definitely hope I've never said anything that implies that our symptoms are inevitably life-ruining! My symptoms aren't completely controlled (particularly my lows), either, and I like to think I live a pretty good life. I think for many people un-treated bipolar can be life-ruining, and I've just heard too many stories about people who thought they could manage on their own only to have an absolutely devastating manic episode to not warn people of the risk. But most of us will continue to experience some degree of symptoms throughout our lives, absolutely.

I totally understand why someone would want to go med-free, or at least try it, and I in no way think the medications we have now are flawless haha. Side effects are awful, life-changing, and can even be life-threatening (I've had some horrible experiences with side effects myself); the meds we have now aren't very effective against depressive episodes for a lot of people (myself included), and for some people they're not effective at all; meds for most people don't completely eradicate symptoms, etc. I'm fully on board with the med struggle, and I honestly spend a lot of time criticizing the options available to us, though less so publicly, since I don't want to further stigmatize the idea of taking psych meds in general!

One of the reasons I emphasize medication (when I do emphasize meds, specifically) is because when I was younger, I was terrified of even the idea of them. I avoided it for years and really, really suffered because of it. I think our culture does in general look down on psych meds, particularly the kind we usually take, so I'm trying to destigmatize the concept of them, and emphasize for people with similar fears that taking meds can be just as life-saving and healing as they are harmful and frustrating, and that it's at least worth trying.

I'm a YA cartoonist (and former teacher, barista at a youth coffeehouse, tutor, I worked for a kids' gaming website...actually all of my jobs apart from dishwashing have involved kids, now that I think of it lmao), so a lot of the time when I'm talking about this stuff on social media, my target audience is sort of...very young people and kids who think they have bipolar (or may have even been diagnosed) but are afraid to seek help and/or don't think they need help and/or don't think help is going to actually help. So my goal is to demystify and normalize the idea of taking meds and/or seeking treatment for those people, and to emphasize that just because they're able to manage their illness now, that might change in the future, and imo they need to be aware of the very real risks, which includes things like an incredibly high suicide rate for unmedicated individuals, and the reality that the illness can be progressive (episodes can get worse and harder to treat the more you have them--they certainly did for me, and I wish I had been more open to the idea much earlier).

On a similar note, it's also important to recognize that a lot of things can look like bipolar, and a lot of people don't really know what bipolar actually looks like to begin with (particularly if you're getting your info from tiktok or similar). So if you've self-diagnosed and never explored treatment options (emphasis on options!) you can easily be missing stuff like thyroid issues, epilepsy, brain tumors, vitamin deficiencies, or a myriad of other treatable mental illnesses that mimic bipolar, and I strongly believe that people deserve care and help for whatever they're struggling with, including the possibility that it isn't bipolar at all!

Finally, I truly hope I've never said anything that comes off like I'm looking down on or judging people who choose to not be medicated for whatever reason! If it works for you then that's phenomenal (I'm jealous tbh) but it's honestly none of my business haha. When I talk about this stuff I do try to stress most people, because we're of course not a monolith, and when I say something like 'a majority of people with bipolar will need some form of medication to flourish' I don't mean to dismiss those who aren't in that majority. It's more that I want people to be open to the idea that they're not failures for needing meds, that they're actually in very good company, as well as to combat the 'just meditate! or try harder!' narrative that's so prevalent in our culture.

Edit: one last thought, which is that part of my target audience is also parents or guardians whose kids might be struggling--kids are obviously the group with the least access to treatment on their own terms. My hope is that talking about my experiences and discussing the risks will help motivate guardians to get help for their kids, and also help motivate kids to seek their own treatment as soon as they're able. Most people develop bipolar in their late teens and early 20s (though my first hypomanic ep was at 16), so it's a relatively small percentage of folks in this situation, but I do see how a kid whose parents aren't willing to help them could take my words badly, so I'll try to keep that in mind!

I'm definitely going to be more careful about how I phrase things going forward, because I can absolutely see how my intent could be lost. Hopefully this clears things up a bit (although it's also possible that we simply disagree, and I think that's okay too--like I said, our community is not a monolith, and a lot of these conversations are fundamentally ongoing)!

tldr; I'll make an effort to watch my words so that it's clear that my target audience really isn't my bipolar peers, and that the target of my criticisms is anti-medication wellness culture + psych med stigma, not the concept of non-medication alternatives or additions in general. And I'll try to do a better job of highlighting when I'm speaking only for myself vs our community as a whole!

[not-poignant]

Question! You juggle so many projects at once, and I think that's awesome. Do you have any advice for how you stay motivated (and/or organized) to work on so many different things? If I'm inspired by something, I want to focus on That Thing and Only That Thing — I have a really hard time pulling my brain away to work on other projects.

I'm wondering if a schedule would help? How do you even set your schedule?

This is a lot of questions packed into one ask, I realize — I guess I'm just in awe of your NaNoWriMo progress (you are insane (affectionate)) and want to pick your brain about your process a little.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Honestly anon, we all have our ways of writing, and it's best if you stick to what actually works for you instead of forcing yourself to do something different.

I'd recommend looking into some of the coaching / videos / podcasts by Becca Syme. A lot of it is simply based around accepting who you are, instead of forcing yourself to write like other people. Part of that is finding your strengths, but some of it is simply...being like 'okay, I'm like this as a writer.'

I don't write lots of projects because I taught myself to, but because I love doing it. I write more when I work on more projects. If I forced myself to only focus on one thing I'd feel stifled and held back, I'd write slower, and I actually think my writing would be muddier and less good.

Other people do best and write fastest when they're focusing on only one project at a time.

And which kind of person you are anon is something you'll figure out over time. Though it sounds like you might already know.

If you wanted to try working on multiple projects, I'd look at adding just one more into the rotation and seeing how it feels. Does it make you write more? Does it make you want to write more? Is it pulling focus? Is it making you lose inspiration on the other story? It's not so much a scheduling issue as it is simply...which one gets the words out?

The goal isn't to become like me as a writer, just like my goal isn't to become like other writers. The goal is to get your words out in the way that works best for you. If that's slowly, that's amazing. If that's fast, that's great, and while there are techniques you can try, it should always be with a view to respecting your organic process.

Many writers quit, or burnout, as soon as they stop respecting that process, or when they start feeling ashamed of their natural process and put pressure on themselves to do it another way.

Also I'll be honest, I'm working on too many projects right now and even though I'm loving it, I know it's too many. Like, I've deprioritised Underline the Red for my own sanity, and I am actually really looking forward to clearing a couple of stories from the schedule so I can focus on other things. About 3-4 stories is my sweet spot.

I don't exactly 'stay organised' anon. I actively want to work on all of these stories. And tonally they're all different, so if I feel like something more wholesome, or something darker, or something more pornographic, I have options. I do have a monthly kind of idea of what I should be working on (i.e. based on the upcoming schedule), but I can only really do that thanks to ADHD meds and I'm cautious of recommending techniques that I personally can only access and make use of because medication has fixed some of my executive dysfunction issues. If you're playing with any kind of unmedicated ADHD, there are tools that won't be as useful without tangible medical or therapeutic support. D:

I set my writing schedule via a mix of the writing that makes me money, alongside extra writing that I enjoy that doesn't make me money. Ideally I enjoy all of it and it's all fun. But the stuff that makes me money has to come first, because of like...life reasons. Idk where you're at professionally, or even if you want to do this professionally, and that would profoundly influence how I'd even suggest scheduling. If you don't have to schedule your writing, don't do it! If you don't have to make decisions like this, then don't make them!

Also, if I hated any of these stories, I'd put the story on hiatus. I don't believe in writing stuff I hate or resent writing. I know other people can make themselves do this and I'm glad that works for them, but I can't do it and I just...yeah. I have to love the story and enjoy it and not resent it to see it through, it's probably why there's so much drama happening all the time, and angst, I'm keeping my dumb hurt/comfort brain engaged lmao.

Never underestimate the power of also just 'I've been doing this for 10 years and I'm very practiced at stuff that other people will only learn with years of practice.' Some of this stuff doesn't have shortcuts, it just had a lot of time and 5 million words sunk into it. When I first started writing on AO3 I wrote one story at a time (though I did quickly become bored of that and moved to two). I wasn't making money. I didn't have a schedule for 9 years. I didn't want one.

The things I've learned... my wordcounts are reliable because I've just had a lot of practice writing. Unfortunately there's no trick to that, beyond sitting down and writing. The more you do, the more you learn about your own process and respect it, the more you write the stories you love, the better you'll get. And I've had times where I've burnt out, times where I've needed long breaks, times where I pushed too hard or forced myself to be like other writers and ended up wondering if I'd quit.

I want to give you easy answers, but the easiest one I have is - which way of writing brings you the most joy? Which way makes the words flow? Is it just one story at a time? That's great - that's your way. That might change in time, but don't force it to. You can experiment like a scientist and try different things, but be compassionate and accepting of whatever your innate way of doing things is.

I struggled so much with the fact that serials is just my way in a world of novelists. I cannot tell you how much misery it has brought me, trying to force myself to be a dedicated novelist when I always just wanted to write sequential stories live. And I really thought I was doing things wrong and you know, other authors thought I was doing things wrong.

It turned out I wasn't, but self-acceptance of my own methods and style went a long way in that process.

You might not like this response anon, and I apologise for not actually just lining up a schedule for you to try (I don't listen to my own schedules), but...it's okay to be someone who works on one story at a time. Or two stories only. I actually think it's awesome, and my writer-friend in my writer's group whose work I've been helping beta for years is a 'single project at a time' writer and a *rewriter* (no one wishes they could change their process as much as rewriters imho) and her writing is amazing. Like, incredibly good. (That's Stephanie Gunn by the way, for anyone who wants to read some cool science fiction / gothic fantasy).

So that's her process, and it's an amazing one, because it creates the writing that it does. Whatever your natural process is, anon, it's okay to write that way, trust me.

[utilitycaster]

25?

You know I was typing up something true but also very much of this moment in time (I'm so tired of people complaining or angsting about the lack of Team AOL. They'll show up when they show up PLEASE stop donning sackcloth and ash in the main tag) but thought of a better one which is that I'm really irritated on an individual level when people complain about Ashton or FCG not liking each other enough. They do care about each other but also they've only known each other for iirc a few months prior to the start of the campaign! Ashton sold out FCG to Yash Mangal immediately. They protect one another when they're near each other but they're just not of the type to sit around moping that they're separated; they're going to work with the situation they have.

More generally I'm just not into the whole "these characters don't REALLY love each other because they moved to new places and don't all live in the 2012 Avengers Mansion fanfic in my head and don't constantly sob about missing their friends when they're separated for more than 5 minutes" vibe that pops up frequently as a fandom complaint. People can care about each other and also be able to compartmentalize and deal with a situation without each other. And like. look. I get this might, for some people, come from a place of having a brain that's like "btw if you haven't heard from your friends in a week? they all hate you" and I have been in possession of such a brain. (still have the same brain to be clear, but it has mostly stopped doing that, knock wood etc.) Anyway the point is that a helpful way to train your brain to not do that, in addition to, you know, therapy or meds or whatever is your personal mental health situation, is to remind yourself through fiction that sometimes friends are not in the same place, and they have their own lives and responsibilities, but they still care about each other.

[cynicalone94]

Chapter 11. Outside Income

When Intelligence gets pulled in to solve a case that another unit can't seem to close, evidence quickly begins to suggest that the gang they're investigating has man on the inside. But what shouldn't be a big deal, Intelligence is known for rooting out corruption, quickly becomes a very big deal when something goes very, very wrong.

Read on AO3 here.

The threat of Jay being intubated again is hanging heavily over the room.

He’s managing with an oxygen mask at a hundred percent high flow but he’s struggling.

Now that the swelling and fluid buildup have come down, they’ve been able to get a clear CT. And the results aren’t promising.

There’s a lot of damaged and irritated tissue in his trachea and lungs that’s making it harder for them to do the job of pulling in oxygen.

Will is trying to stay positive, telling her that as severe as the damage is it’s only partial thickness and that as it heals his lung capacity is expected to increase.

But right now, sitting here watching her partner wheezing like a ninety year old man makes it hard to believe that.

And the fear that she can see in Will’s eyes doesn’t help either.

He may believe that there will be improvement but he doesn’t know how much his brother’s lungs will heal any more than she does.

He’s scared; terrified that while Ethan was able to save his brother’s life he might now have been able to save his future.

And that scares her too because she knows her partner. Knows that if he can’t return to the job that he loves it will gut him.

She’d been so relieved when he’d woken up, when they’d gotten him off the ventilator; relieved that he seemed to be healing.

The glimmer of hope just makes the worry she feels now even harder to handle.

At least Jay is mostly sleeping through it all. The ongoing fight just to keep breathing has exhausted him enough that he basically only wakes up when the nurses come in to clean the burns on his torso.

They’re still angry and red but so far it looks like they’ve managed to stave off infection.

The shape of the first brand, up by his right shoulder is cleanly defined and shows the outline of a motorcycle that’s commonly seen in the Rider’s tagging. The other two are a lot less clear, distorted by the way the skin had been torn by the ripping away of the cooling brand but still recognizable as a four and an eight.

The assholes had basically signed their work.

She tries to remind herself that Voight is taking care of it, that with Marston cooperating they’ve finally broken into the gang, getting the deadly drug mix off the streets.

The house of cards is coming down and last she heard the gang members are scurrying like rats in an attempt to escape justice. But Voight won’t let any of them get away.

Her job is to take care of her partner.

And right now it feels like she’s doing a pretty crappy job of it.

Jay tosses and twists in the bed, eyes drifting open.

“Hails?” he rasps.

His voice is weak and croaky and she takes his hand.

“Yeah. I’m here partner.”

“Tired.” he says, blinking slowly.

“I know you are.” she says, rubbing his forearm.

“H’rts.” he whispers.

“Your chest?” she asks.

He nods.

She presses the call button.

“Maybe they can give you something more for it.” she offers.

Of course his chest hurts, his lungs had been badly burned. Every breath that he struggles through probably causes him incredible pain.

And while he’s been given pain medication that doesn’t mean that its enough, even though she knows Will has mentioned that his brother seems to burn through pain medication faster than most.

She’d thought that Will was making something up the first time he’d told her that pain medication didn’t seem to work the same for his brother. That is doesn’t seem to work as well or last as long.

But then she’d seen it in action herself. Seen her partner writhing in pain despite a heavy dose of morphine.

And worse yet had been listening to a med student tell her that he didn’t need any more. That the only people who had that kind of tolerance were addicts and maybe the reminder of what the medication was actually meant to be used for would help him in the future.

Will had swept in a few minutes later, setting a hook in the asshole so that he could finish ripping him a new one later before ordering additional medication for his brother to increase the efficacy of the morphine.

The verbal ass kicking he’d given the med student had become legendary at Chicago Med and for the most part everyone knows better than to comment on Jay’s tolerance.

And for the most part it’s meant that doctors are a little more careful about making sure they’re adequately managing Jay’s pain.

But part of her hopes that this doctor is one that hasn’t heard the story, that maybe he’s under-medicating her partner.

Because if that’s the case it means there’s something they can do to ease his discomfort.

And it’s always fun to witness Will kicking ass and taking names when someone isn’t taking as good care of his brother as they should be.

The nurse that answers her quickly agrees to fetch the doctor and it isn’t too long before he’s walking into the room.

“The nurse tells me your experiencing a lot of chest pain.” he says, with a sympathetic smile.

Jay nods.

“Your brother mentioned that you are a little under responsive to pain medication.” he says, looking over the chart notes. “I’m already giving you more morphine than recommended. There are a few medications that we can add that might increase its effect.”

Jay doesn’t answer and Hailey squeezes his hand.

He doesn’t want stronger pain medication and she knows it. He hates the way it makes him feel, hates being judged for needing more when it doesn’t cut it, hates that sometimes he gets judged for how much he’s already been given when it still isn’t enough.

“Alright.” the doctor says. “I’ll go put in an order for the medication. Just hang in there, Jay. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are healing. Your oxygen sats are coming up, albeit slowly. ”

Jay nods, offering a weak smile and the doctor hurries from the room.

[feelin-kinda-cocky-bmc]

Calling all BMC Writers!

Hello fellow BMC nerds :>

If this project hasn't shown up to you yet or if you're not in the Discord server, then you probably haven't heard about this project I'm working on: Feelin' Kinda Cocky!

Feelin' Kinda Cocky is a Be More Chill dating sim/visual novel where you play as Michael, and romance one of four love interests at Middleborough high (not including secret routes and possible polyamorous routes).

This game has been in production for two years now, but is stuck in the writing phase. I just recently completed Rich's route and have just started Dustin's. Not to mention, I have a bit of early-game material for Jake and Jeremy. Between school, extracurriculars, and taking care of my mental health, it has taken me a long time to write. However, I was recently prescribed ADHD meds, which will tackle my executive dysfunction. That, combined with a lofty New Years resolution, I'm aiming to get all of the writing done before the end of 2023. ...Especially because the artists for this game have been extremely patient with me, and I want them to be able to contribute sooner rather than later. Although I might have one or both of 'em draw some stuff to make the Tumblr page look nicer-

So that's why I'm here! To looks for some likeminded writers in the BMC fandom, which I know there are many on Tumblr lmao- If you're interested in helping out, there's two options right now:

The FKC Community Idea Drop:

The FKC Community Idea Drop is a Google Doc for you to just drop your ideas down. Are there any post-Squip ideas/drabbles/scenarios/dynamics you've ever wanted to see fully realized? Well throw 'em on the doc! If your idea makes it into the game, you'll be credited by whichever name you put on the doc, because I don't believe in stealing ideas. This is a non-committal way to contribute to the game at whatever pace or frequency you want. Feel free to just go wild with whatever you wanna put on there!

Link here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/134HD8ZxBILGacL5Zg165A-mU0IX3HbQqynKuyCqctIE/edit?usp=sharing

2. Joining the FKC team

Everyone who has joined the team so far (two artists and a writer) has joined completely voluntarily, purely in an effort to bring this idea to life. I feel like this is a given, but I want to make it clear that this is not a paid job for anyone involved, including myself. Just like Be Less Single, Feelin' Kinda Cocky will be published on a website and/or on Steam for free, meaning I will make absolutely no money off this game. I just want to make a fan-game with the help of my fellow fandom nerds lol

As a writer, I'm hoping we can work collaboratively to come up with storylines, route events, and dynamics between the ships. Whether you want to work on all the routes, or just focus on one ship, I'd love to work with you! I am currently one person attempting to plan out and write four separate routes, all with three different endings if you don't include secret routes, which I will write myself regardless.

I will also say, if you want to multitask (for example, be an artist or a programmer while also being a writer), go ahead.

For the writing (and the game as a whole), I want to make it clear that I care a great deal about positive representation. And I don't mean just making cute little scenes of our favorite ships (though that is absolutely apart of the game); I mean accurately depicting things like trauma, mental illness, neurodivergency, queer experiences, relationships and friendships, so on and so forth. Not only because all the things I listed are important to me, but because they're extremely important to a lot of other people, especially within this fandom.

Now, if there are any other ways you'd want to contribute to Feelin' Kinda Cocky's development, let me know! And if you have any questions at all, my inbox is always open, and so is the Discord server (linked on this Tumblr page)!

Thank you to everyone who's been with the development so far! Hopefully, this turns out awesome when it's done :)

[cg-saturn]

pippi m sick an hav a croup coff an evryting huts an m mizrable :((( n i keep slippin wen i get sick bu i hafta do work cus i missd lotsa skool dis week cus i bee sick aww year so far bu i feew so icky

Oh little one I'm so so sorry to hear this! Being sick is never fun, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

When you're dealing with something like croup, it's luckily pretty easy to treat at home (as long as it isn't too severe!). The sound of the cough shouldn't occur if you're over 12/13 years of age because your throat is large enough to not be fully closing up from the illness, but if it is, please pleaaaase go see a doctor. Like a lot of other common illnesses, most people will be fine! Croup should only last a little over a week, and there's really easy ways to combat the symptoms.

Take acetaminophen (tylenol) OR ibuprofen (advil) - always be careful with dosage of both medications, and make sure if you're on an SSRI that you take acetaminophen so it doesn't interact, but only in small dosages. This should help with any swelling that's been going on! Cold meds are not really that effective on this, and could actually do more harm than good because they're ment to help your immune system in a different way than what you need right now.

Use a humidifier or defuser (without the oils) if you have one! Steam is great for opening up the air ways, and can help you clear your throat of phlem and germs! Cold air in brief amounts (just not extended amounts of time) can also really help bring down inflammation in the throat!

Stay as upright as you can! Putting extra pillows under your shoulders can help keep the icky snot from clogging up your airways. It might be uncomfortable, but for sleeping I recommend using at least three pillows if you can to stay as upright as you can over night.

Remember, I'm not a doctor or trained medical professional in any way. If you feel super yucky, don't hesitate to see a doctor for help! Remember to drink lots and loots of water, and rest up! If you need anything, my dm is always open. Sending love little one, get well soon 💕🧃🍪

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health update

I'm doing pretty great! I have my energy levels back and am in a better mood.

I'm not fasting at the moment, I do want to go back once I recover from my fatigue and inflammation. I did have enough energy to go for a small walk today. And the weather is nice and cool.

I know I can benefit a lot from time-restricted eating, because it helps with weight loss. However I don't want to do it everyday as that will also be detrimental. On days where I don't fast I'll have a morning carb snack. I'll ask my doctor about all of this tomorrow.

My face and neck have not been inflamed. I have not applied steroids since last Thursday night. I have been applying steroid to my hands and they've been looking good. I'll be using the cream nightly until the stubborn inflamed spots on my hands go away. After that I shouldn't need to use it.

I'm a bit distressed by the news tbh. As usual. I cannot focus on work and have to long on here, twitter, insta, or the news to see any updates. Stress doesn't help my skin, but it doesn't cause severe inflammation. My mood has been better, however, with the meds. Not significantly, but a bit better. It's only been a week.

I'm very happy with my diet and bloating. Even my hair and skin are radiant (my skin looked clear today and my hair is nice and healthy). Even my nails have been strong. I've switched to more natural skin and hair care products. I'm not bloated and feel great, and I know eating anti-inflammatory and taking digestive enzymes both help.

I'm eating so well in general. It might be an appropriate time now to actually fast for a week or so. I ate well today. Though I was craving a cookie and wanted to go to Crumbl to get one and take a small piece of it. Lucky for my my coworker actually had some cookies and gave me one. Thankfully they now make mini versions of the cookies and it was satisfying. I wasn't necessarily in a sugary mood, I wanted a Crumbl cookie specifically. I haven't had in a while. After having the cookie, I wasn't craving anything. I was thinking of other desserts like the chocolate caramel pieces I have and the white chocolate mocha and general baked goods. I just wanted a cookie and that's all. My mom got this keto friendly coffee syrup and I has a tiny bit and thought it was too sweet. I'm so used to 70% chocolate that most stuff is too sweet for me now. But I'll have a small cookie when I want one. I might get another one later this week until I satisfy my "craving" for it and get past it. But overall I've been eating so well and so anti-inflammatory. I now have the energy to walk. I'll do some fast cycling now that I feel less inflamed.

I'll ask my doctor about all this tomorrow. I want to balance my hormones so I experience less skin inflammation. I know my eczema is hormonal. I want my skin to heal and I want to prove doctors wrong because they're narcissists and they annoy me. And I don't want to be treated like I'm sick and cannot be saved. At the same time I'm so proud of my recent fat loss and diet change and that I'm seeking psychological and psychiatric help. My skin will heal and it's much better compared to how it was earlier this year.

I am more confident in my appearance now despite some insecurities. I do get insecure about my teeth, skin/hands, and body. They're a few things, but the insecurity can get so bad. I'll get the psychological help I need. It's sad because I'm actually pretty and above average in looks, and people tell me this a lot. But I am insecure and I wish I can change some things about myself. I'll see a dentist with my mom and will work hard to get past my trauma, eat well and cycle fast and walk for body (will work on calves eventually), and manage my hormones tomorrow with my doctor to heal my skin. It will be fine and I need to remind myself this.

I do worry that my potential autism might hold me back in life. I'm scared of socializing and intimacy, so I'm worried I'll never be loved. It does make me feel scared, empty, and lonely. And I've never been in a serious relationship (just situationships). It takes me back to my teen years where I was excluded socially and romantically and felt like a failure. I dd not deserve that at all of course. It just makes me feel empty until now and I want to be loved but am also scared of intimacy and connection. That along with my poor confidence and health fears get n the way of my progress in life, but I hope they don't for long because I've done a lot of great things in my life. And I succeeded a lot.

[cocklessboy]

I guess this one is escaping containment a bit. I've been seeing a few notes indicating a frustration that meds for neurological or psychiatric issues are seen as undesirable and dangerous and to be avoided, and that is surely not untrue, but I do want to clarify that in this case, the issue was not the type of medication.

It was the fact that the medication brings me joy.

He didn't react to me saying I really like my meds or how my meds make me feel. He reacted to the way I said it. Enthusiastically. Eagerly. I didn't say "yeah man I love my ADHD meds." I said "I fucking lOOoOoOve my ADHD meds!" and that was what caused him to raise an eyebrow and express concern.

He thought that kind of enthusiasm can only come when something makes you high, and that being high automatically equated to an addiction, and that an addiction is automatically bad.

The idea that pleasure is dangerous is a vile but prolific one. People like me wind up not being able to get access to drugs we need because and only because they make us feel really good, and that is seen as a downside. Something is very wrong with that fact.

And the idea that addiction is inherently bad is also wrong and harmful. Sometimes people are addicted to something because of an illness, or an unmet need. Sometimes that addiction does them more good than harm! And sometimes a physical dependency forms for non-psychological reasons. I've been given medications by doctors that only worked once you'd built up a tolerance to them and become addicted (in my case, specifically gabapentin and pregabalin, neither of which wound up working for me, so I had to wean off of them and endure awful withdrawal). Sometimes people get addicted to things, and as long as the thing they're addicted to isn't directly harming them (or the benefits outweigh the harm), and as long as they're not at risk of losing access to the thing, it's fine.

So, to be very clear:

Things can bring you intense pleasure without making you high.

Getting high is not inherently bad.

Getting high does not inherently lead to addiction.

Addiction is not inherently bad.

If a medication will make your life better, even if it's addictive or has negative side effects, if it helps you more than it hurts you, take your fucking meds. If someone tells you that you should be trying not to take them because they're addictive or because they feel good to take or because they think you should be able to willpower yourself into not needing them, laugh in their idiot face while you take your pills in front of them, as aggressively as you can manage.

And be reassured, folks with ADHD who've been scared away from meds: ADHD meds are not addictive. They're a fucking miracle. Take your meds.

The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.

And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).

His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"

And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.

The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.

I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."

I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.

So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.

My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.

My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.

Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.

[miss-mishka]

I have an ex that I tried to cut from my life in 2016. Could no longer handle their issues when they stopped taking their meds, tried to reason with them & get them to get help, but they never did so I cut ties for my mental & financial health since I was suckered for years into doing/buying things for them that cost me without any repayment. Over 7 years, I have blocked them & legit ghosted like a pro even tho we live in a smallish community where people know and/or related to us. I have been ice cold on the topic of her & all who know me know that is a bridge I will not go back over or discuss.

She, tho, kept trying to get around my blocks, leaves notes & gifts periodically on my porch or at my front door, tries to get my family to get me to talk to her & has used her famil connections to try & get in touch with me, even using local police to call in "welfare checks" on me a few times before I made clear that I would not tolerate such interference again unless it was MY family or employer calling in a check because they could not contact me. She's never been a threat, in my opinion, just a nuisance.

Today, tho.

Today.

My parents, who are known in our community to have moved in with me as my single story home is better for them after having suffered back injuries, today my parents found a little battery box wedged in the screen door with a note on it not to throw, note inside. The note was to tell me that, 7 years after I have had anything to do with her, she had dumped her cat Fluffy at a property connected to my family in the town I used to live in. Fluffy is a gorgeous calico that I loved of hers that she found as a kitten 12 years ago & has, to my knowledge, kept as a housecat since then. She did not say she left them Fluffy at my grandad's old house, where I lived all but the last year of my relationship with her when I took my lifetime savings & bought a home of my own. She didn't say it was my parents or either of my brothers or my aunt's place, just that she had made a choice, asked God to forgive her as a pet mom & I might be seeing Fluffy around "my place" in Cacapon (hometown, over a mountain & literally 8 minutes by car from where I live now.) I work weekends. Everyone, including her, knows that as I have had the same job & schedule for 15 years now. So she brings chaos to my door while I am trying to do the teleworking I need to & I'm just thankful I work from, but I still have 3 hours left in my shift. And I am freaking out that a poor, innocent housecat has suddenly been unleashed in the wild in a place it has never been. So my parents start making calls & have left to go look for the cat. My aunt, who lives next door to & is caretaker for my now deceased grandad's home is checking there, but says this is just a ploy to get back into my life. She(ex) knows that I will never abandon an animal in need. (Sorry, but people have to fend for themselves at some point & that is why she us & must stay my ex.) She knows, especially, that I would not want any harm to come to Fluffy so I 100% would have taken the cat, if asked. Why ask me, tho? She has friends, co-workers & family that I absolutely know would have also taken Fluffy if something came up that required rehoming the cat. Instead of doing that or just leaving Fluffy on MY property here, she says she has left the cat loose in the next town over on some property connected to me where I may now begin seeing Fluffy??? Also gives me $16 & says she'll give my mom cat food at some point in the future for the caring for Fluffy. The number of times I have just ranted & yelled WTF in the last hour has my cats legit stressed & trying to comfort me because they're not used to me being upset, angry or stressed like this. I have removed & blocked all of my ex's contact info along with her parents & cousin who I had the most contact with while we were together so I cannot call anyone up & ask WTF is happening right now. I know where everyone lives, but again, 3 hours before I can even think of going anywhere & time, imo, is of the essence to get Fluffy back indoors even if she doesn't know my house or cats.

I am absolutely taking Fluffy in & keeping the "God forgive me" note as proof that my ex gave the cat up in case she tries to get Fluffy back later or use the cat as a way into my life or home, but what if my aunt is right & Fluffy isn't even in danger???? I'm stressing because I ran into my ex's cousin yesterday at the courthouse where we both happened to be early voting in the primaries. We exchanged rushed, generic, "Nice to see you, how you been, we should hang out sometime" conversation before the very patient county clerk asked me to follow her to get my vote cast as the ex's cousin was all done & leaving. I honestly thought nothing of it except that maybe I should spend time with the cousin again because she was a good friend & she & my ex weren't always on good terms. But family is family around here & I have to believe now that the cousin told my ex that I have been spotted in the wild & the very next day my ex does this????

Do I do everything I can to make sure Fluffy is ok, including going to see my ex or is this just her finally finding a way to get me out that she knew I could not ignore? Because I cannot take the risk that a housecat that old is just suddenly dumped out into a place she is not likely to survive without help. Depending on where she was left, she could be near the main road & struck by traffic, in town with an a*hole neighbor on the street that poisons & shoots stray cats or out in the boonies where a cat could be eaten by wild animals. WTF was my ex thinking & why has she done this. It's been OVER SEVEN YEARS. My last words to her were literally "Consider me dead." Not because I was going to harm myself, but I knew I was done & out of her life & she needed to accept that with a finality as if I were no longer here. For all I know, in all that time, Fluffy might have passed. I know I just lost my dog, Brando, in October after 10 days shy of 17 years. This could be a trap. She has to know this will not have a positive effect, but it might make sense to her if she's off her meds. Should I call in my own welfare check to have an officer go to see if she's ok & ask about Fluffy or don't do that when I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of those checks? Do I send my parents to talk to her or should I go visit her parents to try & see what is going on?

This is what she has always done to me. Tangle me in knots, throw chaos into my life & get me to do what I can to appease her & solve whatever problem she is bringing to me.

I think my mistake was telling her cousin yesterday that I'm happy. I did not go into any other detail. When she asked me how I was, my answer was I'm happy & did my ex hear that & decide it's unacceptable for me to be happy without her in my life?

[pumpkinbirth]

All In My Head was a really fun piece- the denial of what was happening was fantastic. I'd love to see how you'd do a similar adamant-denial-right-up-until-the-horror-of-birth scenario, but maybe the denial coming from the pregnancy being genuinely impossible- like maybe the person's an introverted recluse who hasn't had sex in YEARS, but they're somehow pregnant anyway and so they end up going into labor and giving birth completely mentally unprepared while they're like, out getting coffee

If one more person asked 'how far along' I was, I was going to snap.

The only thing stopping me was that I didn't want to further embarrass myself by airing out the fact that I hadn't fucked anyone in...well, I'd stopped counting after two years. And sure, I'd dropped out of college with nothing but my freshman 15 to show for it, but I didn't think it was that noticeable on me. Glancing down at myself, I frowned slightly. Maybe more like a freshman 20, lately.

Either way, it sure as hell wasn't anyone's business, and it wasn't making this outing any more enjoyable. To be honest I didn't even want to come out, but thanks to the wicked stomachache I'd woken up with that morning, I found myself hours later perusing the drugstore closest to my apartment for anything to relieve it.

After finding a small variety of meds to try out, I headed to the self checkout, but had to stop for a moment, the dull pain in my stomach flaring up again.

"Everything alright?" a voice piped up from next to me. I turned to briefly nod at the older woman, hoping she'd take the hint and move on. Instead she glanced from my various pain relievers to my swollen midsection, her eyes narrowing with unease.

"Are you sure those are gonna be safe for you to take?"

"Yeah...? Why do you think I'm buying them in the first place?" Luckily the cramp had passed so I was able to walk away before she had any more unwanted advice. I pulled my coat around me a little more, checking out quickly. I inwardly promised myself that as soon as this stomachache passed I'd start working out. It wouldn't be fun, but it'd be better than having people make weird assumptions about me.

I barely crossed the threshold of the store back outside when the cramps flared up again, stopping me in my tracks. I swore under my breath, my free hand instinctively rubbing the underside of my belly. The walk home better not be like this the whole time, it'll take forever, I thought bitterly.

Trying to take my mind off of it, I pressed onward, but only a few minutes later I had to stop again. Looking around I noticed a small coffee shop a little ways down the sidewalk, and decided to head in there just to take a quick rest. Besides, I thought optimistically, caffeine helps with headaches, so maybe it can help with cramps too?

I managed to place my order before taking a seat at the small booth furthest in the corner. Luckily the barista didn't have much to say about my appearance, something told me she didn't get paid enough to care. I warmed my hands around the cup after she brought it over to me, trying to focus on anything but how awful I felt. This newest cramp was by far the worst, and I set the cup down before I gripped it too tight and broke it.

"Ffffuck, why's there so much pressure...?" I muttered through grit teeth, my heart racing as said pressure mounted higher and higher, until I let out an involuntary groan, my cheeks flushing as I felt sudden liquid running down my legs, dripping hotly under the booth table.

"....no way, no, no, this...there's no way..." I looked down at my ruined leggings, at the puddle of clear fluid beneath me, at my belly.

My pregnant belly.

Blinking dumbly in the aftermath, I glanced around me. The only other people in the coffee shop was a man facing away from me, engrossed in his laptop, and the barista who had since put both earbuds in, equally as engrossed in her phone.

Huffing softly, I first attempted to stand from the booth, but fresh pain kept me rooted in my seat.

"Fuck, fuckfuckfuck..." I hissed, trying to remember how that lady in that one video I'd had to watch for the health class reproductive unit years ago had breathed, huffing my way through what I now knew were contractions.

How in the fuck was this even happening?? I thought in a panic, carefully adjusting myself with my thighs further spread. The last time I'd even gotten close to having sex with anyone was much longer than nine months ago, the math isn't adding up!!

Before I could try to reason how this was happening to me, I had to focus on breathing my way through another powerful contraction. Fuck, I didn't even know when I was supposed to push, and even if I did I felt a fresh wave of panic realizing that I wasn't even sure if I could get my soaked leggings and panties off in time.

To make matters worse, I hadn't managed to keep my newest yelp of pain as quiet as I thought, and the man at his laptop had turned his head towards me. I tried to keep a neutral face, but he was already making his way over to me.

"Everything alri--oh my god."

"I...I don't know why this is happening," I finally broke down, tears welling up. "C-can you help me?"

He looked flustered but eventually nodded, kneeling carefully next to me. "I-I can try...you called 911, right?" I shook my head, I hadn't even brought my phone with me on this outing. Sighing, he just nodded.

"Okay, alright, lemme just--" He started for his pocket but was interrupted by me jolting in my seat, a desperate whimper leaving me as I gave into the overwhelming need to start pushing.

"Whoa, hold on, hold on! You've gotta stop, we don't know if you're ready yet--!" he pleaded, but I was too lost in the sensation, my hands gripping the sides of my tight belly. Abandoning his phone, the man managed to hook his fingers into the waistband of my leggings, carefully peeling them down my shaking legs. He went to do the same for my panties but was briefly frozen in place, before softly running his fingers over where it was very obvious that I'd already crowned into them.

"N-nevermind, I guess, ah...guess you're ready," he said breathlessly, before finally removing my birth soaked panties. I let out a moan of relief, my baby's head inching even further out now that my clothes weren't holding it back. The relief was undercut by a fresh contraction, and I braced myself against the seat of the booth as I huffed loudly through the pain, concentrating all my energy on getting this baby out. I could faintly register the man trying his best to coach me, applying pressure to keep me from tearing.

I wasn't sure if he was telling me to keep pushing or to ease off, but my body knew what it needed to do, even if I didn't. So I let it take control and gave into instinct, letting out an ecstatic groan as I finally felt more of the baby inching out of me. The next big obstacle was the shoulders, and I found myself pressing down on my belly in an attempt to hurry it along.

After what felt like an eternity of sweating and pushing without much yield, I finally let out a guttural scream as I felt the intense pressure of birthing the baby's shoulders, the rest of its body slipping from my slick, overstretched cunt.

Panting heavily, my hands shook as the man handed the baby up to me, my mind racing trying to figure out how this had even happened to me.

"...you okay over there?"

I looked up to see the barista, one earbud pulled out with an annoyed look on her face.

[kpophubb]

Hey~ it's me~

Your Hee Annonie !

Firstly, the way we both just made an entire fic based on that Hoon edit 😩🖤 Secondly, your posts ?? Just ✨️ I just keep finding myself binge reading them. Shopping dates with enha, skinship with Jakehoon, the recs list ? 🤝💓

Also here are soft (?) hour thoughts for you 🤭

So keeping the personality of the intimidating-reserved-confident! Y/n but also make her dominant (NOT IN THAT WAY🧐) (unless 👀)

But I'm not sure who would fit this scenario the most. Or who would enjoy being with someone like her the most in the hyung line 🤔

A non-sexually dominant y/n! Yknow whenever she and enha member walk on the footpath, she always pulls the member towards the inside. At first they're just like ":O???" Because what just happened ? Like ummm very flustered and loved it but also shouldn't they be doing this ??

They try to bring you to the inside part of the footpath, but you just cut them off by putting you hand around their waist, continue walking and change the topic.

The Boys : 😳😧😮🥵😵‍💫🥴

Don't even get me started when you do that. When you put your hand around their waist while walking or standing ...or even cuddling?? The guys just feel like they have ascended to heaven.

One time you wore heels 👠 that made you slightly taller than them (idk about you but I am like 5"11 so if I wore a high heel, I'd be taller than them or the same height at least....) ANYWAY

You wore heels, you two wearing walking towards a restaurant or smth, when you pull him on the inside part of footpath and snake your arm around his waist protectively. You BET YOUR MONEY the boy's legs were shaky.

Legs? shaky. Heart ? Melting.

Brain? Not working. Hotel? Trivago.

OH OH OH

Not to mention how MUCH the member LOVE (maybe Jake and hoon specifically)(actually even Hee would seem to enjoy it) (Jay too tho???) (Idk you tell me) when you are protective.

You're not a jealous person. It's just out of pure protectiveness and care. Its just a lot of little things that make them super super blushy and mushy.

Bringing them flowers, calling them your pretty boy/ my boy/ my fav. Your hand around their waist. Fixing their tie for them. Always pampering- not necessarily expensive gifts. You tell them you're going to your workplace/college somewhere (totally unrelated area to a grocery basically) and an hour or so layer call them asking how many bottle/can of their fav juice do they want for their stock up or like snack stash.

They'd be like "weren't you in class /at dentist (or smth)"

And you'd just go "yeah, but I figured I'd stock up your stash while I was out..." And they just ??? Melt?? You always go OUT of your way to make them happy.

The protecting their head from bumping into stuff, grabbing them from their belt loop, fixing their collar, buying groceries FOR THEM, giving flowers.

They're just. Down bad. So bad.

Also also

How are you ?? I hope you're doing well ✌️ how is the scene with Med school going? 🏫

Stay hydrated for clear skin 😌💝

It’s HEE HEEE HEEE! Without a doubt in my mind, I know heeseung would love this dom y/n so freaking much! He himself said that he’s not very emotionally strong and at secret places like home, he’s actually the youngest and needs the most love & affection. He needs to be cared for constantly and he gets really lonely easily. So I’m sure he would be head over heels for this kind of girl who will be super caring and responsible without him having to ask for it. Keep him on the other side of the road, hold his hands and walk infront of him, do his hair and help him get dressed and shower him with love and you will see how he melts before your eyes.🥺 non-sexual dominance or sexual dominance, I have a feeling heeseung will be down bad for this type of girl the most!!

Next, I think Jake would love this y/n the most? He is very affectionate and clingy and no doubt that he loves people who love him and care for him. So if his girl feeds him, gives him forehead kisses, pats his head and treats him like his baby, I’m sure this loyal puppy will cling to your torso 24/7.🥹 (totally imagining myself here lmao bc I’m that type of person) AND AND as for being possessive? Don’t even get me started THE WHOLE HYUNG LINE would LOVE A PROTECTIVE S/O and find her so cute when she’s being jealous. Hee will immediately melt into your arms and bask you in kisses and call you cute, jake would blush so much and become extra loving with you and secretly hope there are more cases where you get jealous and possessive of him, jay would smile so much and liquify on the inside and constantly reassure you that he’s yours only and hoon?? Oh boy he will be instant K.O. Lmao. Fireworks and bazooka exploding in his chest right there! And his precious eye-y smile and smol dimple will appear in 0 seconds. 💘😳 but let me tell you, he loves to tease people so much so there’s no doubt he will tease you and get you to be possessive more, only to fall in love with your cuteness even more!

Now, coming to you, oh my god girl your imagination is just >.< 💯 your imagines always make my heart flutter so much and I smile and blush and laugh when I read your asks. They’re so long and adorable, and I always take out time to answer each and every line that you say!💖 and WOW 5’11?😳 THAT IS SO COOL AND JUST WOW!! Now I really wanna see you and hug you fr haha. I’m 5’5 inches, bc after all, god made me for my man who’s 5’10 :p (obv talking about jakey here) I’m sure hee would love it when you wear heels and wouldn’t mind at all even if you’re the same height as him. If anything, he loves to feel that cause I just know he loves the feel of someone who loves him and protects him!! Jay would find it real cool, but uhm won’t let his s/o look taller than him bc it might hit his pride lol😆 as for jakey, I feel like he wouldn’t mind and would love everything about you but another one who’s gonna whine if you look taller or the same height as him. Loves his girl feeling tiny in his arms! <3 and SUNGHOON?? Ah boy you’re definitely hoon’s girl. Wear heels with him and he will also wear heeled shoes and sneakers ahaha, and show you off to the whole world how y’all the power, strong couple 😏 help I always imagine you with sunghoon and this type of y/n istg. You definitely give off that attractive, confident, independent y/n vibe for me who HOON WOULD BE A SECRET SIMP FOR!

Lastly, coming to me 😛 I’ve recently applied for visa since my university is overseas. Lmao, my lazy ass is on a vacation for 6 months before staring uni, I intentionally chose the semester next year. Cause life will become really hectic once I get there, and to live in an unknown place where I know nobody will be harder 😣! Ofc being independent and successful is one of my biggest life goals, but something bigger than that is to be happy and make others happy💖 so I’m on a break and making fun memories and doing everything I want to do. Watching dramas, reading books, going out w my best friend, spending time w family, going to the gym, enjoying kpop comebacks and being here on tumblr etc etc. ofc I stay hydrated, I’m very skin conscious bahah I have a whole routine for it :p and I hope you stay too!💘 in case you needed to hear it today, I really love your presence here on my blog sm. you’re so appreciated. Thank you for brightening up my smile with your lovely asks. ಥ_ಥ ♡ I’m so happy you like my fics, I can recommend you my fav written ones if you’d like <3

[loversdelusions]

Can I get a mha matchup? This is what I look like

Age: 19

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual and poly

Personality:I don't talk to people I don't know usually and can seem shy but once I get to know them a can be talkative and a little bit loud. I don't really hate people unless they give me a reason too. I don't get annoyed or mad easily. I make dark jokes sometimes there directed to myself. I try to be supportive of my friends but if I know what they're doing is stupid than one will call them out on it. I'm really into the emo style. I do suffer from anxiety and depression, I also am touch starved. I do have some anger issues but usually it's only bad when I don't get enough sleep.

Hobbies: reading, drawing, watching anime/tv shows, writing, painting, going on late night drives, and going on walks.

Likes: anime, art, music, nightmare before Christmas, harry potter, the colors black and purple also green alot, scented things, candles, Halloween, fall weather, animals, and fuzzy blankets.

Dislikes: spiders, super hot weather, liar's, blend food, and people who can't clean up after themselves.

Thank you!! ❤❤

Okay I was thinking about people who would be perfect for you, and my first thoughts went to Bakugou.

Bakugou would definitely love the way you dress, not that he would ever tell you at first. He certainly doesn't hide the darkness in his outfits either. As your partner, he would either ask for your help or ask to help you with eyeliner, since he has to wear it as part of his hero costume anyways.

At first, Bakugou isn't the most talkative either. He watches you at first, just judging at first. Because of his well, inferiority complex, he is angry snaps would form a frenemies type of relation with the both of you. You had a lot of things in common, anyways. It was easy to form a friendship.

He takes late-night walks to clear his mind, especially when he’s overwhelmed and can't stop thinking. It isn't like he doesn't get enough adrenaline in his line of work, but driving really fast at a lonely road in the night to make his heart beat faster was an activity he seemed to frequent. So he would enjoy the time to free the mind with you, and he would not hesitate to fly you into the air if you really wished.

He would have little problem if you don't want to talk to new people, the both of you standing next to each other already look intimidating anyways. He’s not really comfortable with others he doesn't trust either, but with his company he is forced to talk and lay on the charm thickly to help his career, so coming home to rant to you about how dumb the commissioner was or how annoying the police had been, or whatever else it may be, was well enough for him.

He’s also pretty anxious. His mind runs a million miles a minute, so he understands when your anxiety is running high. He really wants to help, and he's a perfectionist and won't let him rest until he makes sure you're comfortable with everything. Even if his anger takes over, he will drop it immediately (Will save it for later though) and run to your aid. Anger issues or not, he’s logical, and really weighs the odds, so he’ll track your meds and make sure he can comfort you.

You like anime? Amazing! He will force you to watch his favourites. A deal is struck, he watches your favourite movies, and you watch his. Sticking all the way through and thoroughly sugar coating both of your opinions at the end of the marathon to spare both of you.

Though you do not try to make him kill a spider because he will absolutely fucking not.

And here’s your saving grace. Because in thinking of a relationship, I really think Kirishima and Bakugou would make a good poly couple. Since you like purple, (and let's be serious, all purple people want everything to be purple) and along with your personality I would have assumed Shinsou would make a good partner for you as well, but for a poly relationship, I really believe KiriBaku would make a great balance.

I mean Kirishima would definitely kill the spiders for you and Bakugou.

He was also into a darker sense of style before, so he definitely loves the way you dress. He’s an outgoing person, and he would be the person to start talking to you first. He would fill the silence with his own thoughts when neither you nor Bakugou felt like talking. His love language is absolutely touch, so hugs and cuddles would be an every day, and fuck he gives amazing hugs. He feels insanely lucky to have both of you, and when his insecurities really strike high, loving green eyes would make him melt and even with Bakugous hard words attempting to reconstruct his confidence with force.

The formula works.

Kirishima is one to love snuggling underneath warm fuzzy blankets and falling asleep with the window open to allow the cold air to make it more comfy. He’s really the one to pull the plug on arguments when tensions are high because he’s pretty much a pacifist. He’ll definitely overthink your Halloween costumes and make Bakugou’s absolutely out of the theme. Believe me, if you dress up as a couple, Bakugou will be that random ass side character.

A necessary step to anger him. He doesn't enjoy Halloween, so whatever the both of you dress up as, he’ll be whatever comes along with it.

And if you had been feeling horrible one day, he would bring in your favourite snack and put on your favourite comedy(or tragedy, really. He’s one to want to cry to let it all out), and try his best to cheer you up while Bakugou rushes around to cook something you’d like (perfectionist bullshit, he always overdoes it and then you're sitting there eating a billion comfort food for a couple of days. Kirishima takes full advantage of this. He loves his cooking). It’s a bit difficult when you want to spend time on your own though because he really wants to be there for you. He doesn't like leaving you when you're not beaming and talking to him like usual. Bakugou will urge him to give you space, and his anxiety would take the worry from his face and keep it nonchalant. But Kirishima can't easily just let it go, so it’s a bit tough.

He shares everything. Bakugou really doesn't. Though they deal.

Though be ready to have to be the emotional crutch for Bakugou's emotionally stunted ass and Kirishima's debilitating self-hatred when life gets tough. Hero’s have a tough time, especially emotionally. If Bakugou could not win the way he wanted, or Kirishima couldn't help in an emergency, it would be a bloodbath at home. They aren't the most communicative so you’ll have to force it out of them and work on helping them realize accepting your comfort isn't a weakness.

Also, their mood would affect yours, and it's the same for them. One of y'all had a bad day? It would affect the rest of you. So staying happy is very dependent on each other. So it’s important for morale that all of you actively try to communicate. It's difficult, it is; Though they would never lie to you, though downplaying some things to keep you from becoming anxious or depressed is definitely something they would do. Bakugou doesn't see the point of lying, it's way more entertaining, to tell the truth for him. While Kirishima doesn't see the point of hiding things from each other.

With both of their jobs paying high money, you really don't need to get a standard job, so you could really work on things like your art and writing, and they would encourage you to start off on social media.

They would so aggressively advertise for you I swear.

And if you wanted to have a career, they wouldn't stop you, but they would definitely urge you to take a break and try to feel better before you do. Bakugou would fight for this so hard, and this time Kirishima would try to tell him to back off.

Either way, Kirishima isn't necessarily messy but Bakugou is a clean-freak, so he will be barking at him to clean up his shit before you would even notice the mess. He will not tolerate a messy home. And while Kirishima loves the hot weather, all that comes with it, swimming, tank tops and popsicles, Bakugou hates it. He gets more irritable when he sweats and can't use his quirk, so he will sit with you in the shade pounding a gin and tonic in a water bottle and occasionally sabotaging annoying people around you guys’ plot of shade, while the both of you snarky comments and joked while Kirishima childishly reversed into a teenager and wadded around the water.

Your jokes would definitely get darker the more you stay in the heat, and by the time Kirishima walks up to you finished with his day in the sun, the both of you are about ready to honourably kill each other.

You guys wouldn't keep it to yourself, Kisihima will be hearing all about it throughout the rest of the day, rolling his eyes at your dramatic comments from both you and Katsuki.

I'd like to hear your thoughts, lmao. I hope I did you justice, I've never really written poly relationships though I really should. Thank you for the ask! I love knowing people outside of my circle exist :D