#like this is my personal tumblr blog why would I change the way it operates bc one person dislikes it LMFAO 😭

[ddejavvu]

Hahahaha “There’s something in the water everyone is being crazy today”

I think if everyone is complaining/giving an opinion the problem is you

Well only one person complained the rest were just creepy/crazy but this is my personal corner of the internet so if you’re not satisfied here the responsibility is on you to leave, not me to change 🤷‍♀️

[femmefatalevibe]

Hii <3 Girl I recently found your blog , and it's one of the best things I have found on tumblr !! 🦋🐳

I kinda want some advice on this , I used to really dislike myself , and I had a glow up , and I got really attractive , in between this I don't know where I this self love come from, but now I got stuck at this self love phrase ! " Like I wanna do something but then I love myself , why should I change ."

I am not getting out of my comfort zone , and absolutely am scared of competition, people having expectations . I am seriously so fucking scared of what people think of me , I can't even fucking tell you !!

Idk man !

Hi love! Thank you so much. Your kind words and support mean a lot to me <3

Congratulations on gaining this newfound self-confidence and all of the hard work/consistent effort it must've taken to get to this stage of life (maintenance work included).

Remember these fundamental truths:

Everyone is primarily focused on themselves: People are too focused on themselves, their personal goals/desires, and how they're perceived to really care to watch what you're doing. This is a liberating truth to realize – it gives you free rein to break out of people-pleasing mode and start focusing on doing what makes you most happy/fulfilled.

No one will care as much as you do about your success and wish fulfillment in life: As stated before, everyone else is focused on their own inner worlds, priorities, goals, and everyday responsibilities. You need to be your own greatest advocate. You lose by default if you don't enter the game to begin with. Operate from a headspace of you're going to be your own greatest cheerleader and win no matter what because you believe in yourself. Authentic confidence and self-belief are the two gifts no "competition" could ever take away from you.

Understand that other people's actions are reflections of their own lived experiences, desires, and goals, and are out of your control: This is why it's so important to stop caring about the potential (or perceived) competition and what others think. You only can control your own efforts – to take action, learn, pivot, and grow. The reasons why others criticize (not constructively, I mean) you are often projections of their negative self-talk and suppressed insecurities. Other people's actions are executed in their own best interest. You need to do the same and see your future self as your only competition – she's the only person's goals for whom you hold the most decision-making power and control.

Like everything else, calculated risk-taking is a mental muscle that takes time and patience to build. Throughout your journey, you'll learn proper "form" aka criteria on how to decide when to act and when it is in your best interest to refrain from engaging in a certain "risk-taking" activity (I mean like sending that email, text, posting that photo, etc.) and build resilience to better withstand rejection, criticism, and the noise of other people's opinions.

First, focus on the bigger picture: What do you want out of life and why? What smaller goals would you need to achieve to reach these ultimate aspirations?

Work your way backward to your present situation: What are the next action steps you can take to move closer to your first milestone goal(s)? Choose one calculated risk to take at a time. Send that email that leaves you vulnerable to a potential rejection one day. Make that phone call to reconnect with the person you've been afraid to have that vulnerable conversation with a few days later. Post that Instagram post/story or TikTok video and immediately close the app.

You need to become the leader of your own life or someone else will lead it for you. You're only playing yourself by holding yourself back when sitting on the bench instead of practicing for the big leagues.

Hope this helps xx

[onewomancitadel]

I’m the anon who’s planning to read your fic—I’d like to apologize, because I garbled the idea I was trying to express regarding your analysis; it’s not that I sometimes don’t agree, it’s that often you’re looking at the same things I do from a different perspective and that gets you to a reading that isn’t necessarily the exact same as mine but always rings true. Like seeing a sculpture from a new angle, and appreciating it more fully as a result. It’s an “ohhh, I didn’t think to look in that way but now that you’ve pointed it out, I can see it and it’s beautiful” kind of different. That’s what makes me excited to read Skimming Eye—I’m sorry it came across as more negging. I was thinking “people are being mean because her writing doesn’t pander to fanon expectations; the strength of her argumentation and engagement with canon is why I have her fic bookmarked; maybe I should say that.” I really should have considered how the sentiment would land in context.

I hope you have a better morning. Thank you for the well-wishes. If you don’t feel up to responding to this, please don’t stress about it, I’m not expecting any sort of answer, just wanted to apologize to you for the foot in my mouth.

Thank you for what you've said here, it's very kind. It probably wasn't a great of me to be having a tantrum at like 3am where I was reading the worst into everything, to be totally fair. I just didn't want you going into my fic with a false assumption if it were the case, because people make it my problem. I've also had people recently and in the past say they browse my blog despite disagreeing with a lot of what I have to say, which is pretty demoralising in general. I don't read many other RWBY blogs just out of simple and pure respect, so I'm not sure why that's not afforded to me lol.

(This isn't because I don't think different ideas aren't important, but more to do with the fact that I think if you have fundamentally different starting positions, you're not likely going to meet in the middle through kind debate. I don't want to talk to people who think Cinder isn't on a redemption arc. Do I want to talk to people who think that Cinder's redemption arc will end in death? Not by choice, but the topic comes up in asks nevertheless. I'm not against entertaining contrasting ideas, in case anybody thinks I've created an insulated hugbox for myself. In fact, I really enjoy it and often do it of my own accord).

It's totally fine, you haven't done anything wrong lol. Don't worry. Honestly, what's pretty galling about this whole thing is that I am otherwise pretty easygoing especially provided with enough context. I mean, I don't suffer idiocy, but even recently I've had a ton of spam asks from someone I've given five different chances to change his behaviour, I'm still not overly annoyed with him and given the opportunity I think he can probably reform his behaviour with enough incentive. Lol. I'm sensitive and my feelings get hurt sharing something creative and private, so really I'm the crybaby here. I've been told recently that apparently I'm very intimidating.

You haven't put your foot in your mouth so don't worry. Hope you're getting on alright, and again you're not under any obligation to read my fanfic lol. That's the last thing I'd want to pressure anybody into, which is why I even feel weird making reference to it in Tumblr asks etc. when someone asks me a question - because my fanfic does also sort of operate as a way to realise my thematic and narrative analysis, and sometimes - ironically enough - I think it does a better job of articulating it than what I've got to say here. But it's not for everyone. Then again, neither are my Tumblr posts themselves.

I guess there's also that issue with fandom where I'm here for Jaune/Cinder, but I'm also here because this is my blog where I talk about stuff I care about, and sometimes people are only expecting the former, but the reason I care about Jaune/Cinder is because of those personal, textual, thematic, emotional related reasons... it's hard to parse where one ends and one begins.

Anyway, thanks again for your asks. I'm sorry everyone for all that nasty whiny trouble last night, it's something I've bottled up for almost two years and every now and then I have a temper tantrum about it. Lol.

Take care. (:

[nobody-xalidin8]

A is for Aquaman

A while back I worked for a comic book review website called Do You Even Comic Book that renamed itself Comics Horizon and lasted around a year. From my limited perspective the site was forged out of a movement of people from Twitter that wanted to combat the growing Comicsgate movement. To have a real voice amongst the hate, I mostly just wrote reviews. I made a lot of short lived but impactful relationships with those strangers on the internet. I don’t talk to any of them anymore, but that’s just because I’m an anti-social autistic person that struggles with people he knows in person. So, if I’m gonna start this blog I wanna thank them before I get started.

When I would get stressed out or overstimulated as a kid, I would say the alphabet in DC comics characters. A is for Aquaman, B is for Batman, C is for Catwoman, etcetera. Now I’m the sort of guy that loves Marvel, DC, and any other comic indie or mainstream that I think is good, but for the life of me I couldn’t do the alphabet in anything other than DC characters. At least, not on the spot. So, I thought why not do a blog about DC characters and since Twitter seems to be dying thanks to Elon Musk I thought I’d try here on Reddit. I considered Tumblr, but that never clicked for me and Reddit seems to operate in a way I can vaguely comprehend so here we are.

I also wrote some articles on that website, mostly lists and conversations between me and other wordsmiths, that was our working title by the way, which was awesome. One of these was for the upcoming Aquaman movie. I don't think it ever saw the light of day, but I wrote a little thought piece titled “Why do we laugh at a Man that talks to Fish?” Based on the notion that I thought there was no sensible reason people laughed at Aquaman. Granted, like most superheroes, he’s not sensible by design.

Aquaman was created by Mort Weisinger and Paul Nortis to imitate the Timely Comics character Namor, the Sub-Mariner. A lot of comic book characters were imitations of other comic book characters back then, in fact a lot of characters are imitations in one way or another. I don’t think that makes them unoriginal. As Aquaman would very much become.

Now as many of you may know comic book canon is an ever changing and shifting thing. What was true one story could be untrue by the next issue. That said, here’s the baseline of Aquaman’s origin in the modern age. Arthur Curry is the son of a lighthouse keeper with strange powers, in reality he is half-human half-Atlantean and heir to the throne of Atlantis. He becomes a superhero that protects the seven seas against such threats as the pirate Black Manta, his evil half-brother Ocean Master, the fifth dimensional imp Qwsp, and the deadly assassin Mera that would later become his wife and mother to his child. He was also a founding member of the Justice League where a lot of the best or at least most consistent portrayals of the character take place.

Now that’s not the whole story and there’s a lot of other versions and a lot of weirder stuff. Aquaman is a victim of this ever changing mythology of comics. His appearance, personality, and narrative have changed harshly with the shifting of creative teams over the years. This was mostly due to the fact that despite being well known, he was never a very popular character. Because people saw him as silly.

Aquaman was a joke that people saw parodied in cartoons, SNL sketches, and offhanded comments in years. The common denominator of this joke being the fact that he could talk to fish. As if commanding a shark to strike isn’t cool or terrifying, if that’s the issue why are we terrified of the movie Jaws?

The short answer is presentation, Aquaman, like a lot of Golden Age comic characters, was ridiculous. Batman was too back in the day, but he grew out of that, got a serious take that helped the character grow out of the funny. Not that there’s anything wrong with funny, Adam West’s Batman is arguably the best and even Kevin Conroy’s portrayal in the animated series had a good bit of humor. The problem was people weren’t laughing with Aquaman, they were laughing at him, for no reason.

Thankfully the success of Jason Mania’s Aquaman helped give the character some structure and the King of Atlantis got a good run in the comics starting in the ill fated New 52 relaunch, that was a mixed success. Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis, as well as other phenomenal creative teams, guided the character in the pages as James Wan guided him on the big screen. This has lead to the most consistent Aquaman to date, but this might not last because the Aquaman movie will be hurt by the Amber Heard trial, which is only her fault, and sucks. Plus he’s currently “dead” during the Dark Crisis event so who knows how the character will land is a mystery. We’ll like see more of Jackson Hyde as Aquaman, who Young Justice fans may know as Kaldur. Which would be awesome.

Well that’s the most I can ramble about Aquaman for a sec, except when I was looking into where we first started laughing at the character it was during Super Friends. People thought his swimming animation was silly, which is weird because they thought the flying was cool and it was the same thing just out of the water. He also talked to fish, but that always looked cool to me.

[tundrainafrica]

I've been following your blog for a while now and I love your writing and your meta! I was wondering, do you consider Levi and Hanji's relationship to be romantic in canon? Do you consider it canon that Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin?

Thank you for the ask anon, also, thank you for ruffling my feathers a bit too :D. I’m glad you like my writings and meta and I hope that my works continue to bring you joy. 

The types of questions you asked up there could only lead to the types of answers that can spark ship wars. I mean the dialogue in 136 and the change in kanji for chapter 132 hinting their own ships canon were enough to have Eruri and Levihan shippers bashing each other on twitter tbh. 

Personally, I see the romantic potential for both Levihan and Eruri in the show. That’s why I found myself reading a good number of Levihan and Eruri fics. (But lots more Levihan if it isn’t obvious from AO3 bookmarks and my tumblr title). I mean lots more romantic potential than let’s say.... ereri

Do you consider it canon that Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin? 

I’ll answer this one first. No. I don’t think Levi had romantic feelings for Erwin anywhere on the show. Was there potential for something to bloom? Possibly, that’s why I still read eruri fanfiction. I like exploring the possibility if Erwin wasn’t a little too obsessed with his dream, maybe their relationship could have turned out differently.

In canon, by the time they introduced Erwin, Erwin had already forsaken all romance and I think whatever feelings Erwin had towards romance rubbed off on Levi and their relationship ended up being more professional than anything. Due to Erwin’s one track mind and the position he had taken upon himself. any romantic possibilities between them in canon was just harder to make happen. 

Levi though still had strong feelings towards Erwin. It’s undeniable. Erwin had given Levi purpose to live and direction on where to go next, what to do next so that’s why regardless of whether canon had made it possible or not, this relationship is still very interesting to explore. 

Erwin was more professional and cold than Levi imo and honestly, despite the cold demeanor of his best friend Erwin, Levi was an incredible softie at heart and we’ve seen that side of him multiple times, when he gave Petra’s badge to that one soldier, when he stared at that one mother and child when they were on the wall ready to leave to retake Shiganshina.

We all know Levi begrudgingly wanted that soft side of him indulged and between Erwin and Hange the one more likely to indulge that softie side of Levi was Hange. 

Which brings me to the next question.

Do you consider Levi and Hanji's relationship to be romantic in canon? 

I wouldn’t be obsessively writing Levihan fics if I didn’t see it as romantic in canon. But at the same time, I don’t believe Hange and Levi have been in a relationship since Season 1. My headcanon here is Hange and Levi built that relationship over time and this relationship just rapidly progressed after season 3

It’s incredibly subtle which is one of the reasons people like to pretend it doesn’t exist. Probably because they’re trying to promote another ship or they don’t wanna see romance in AOT

But I don’t think a relationship developing subtly is at all a sign that it can be more platonic than anything else. 

In fact, most healthy relationships and most relationships from a bystanders point of view, develop subtly. Like we were the bystanders in many other developing relationships in real life, I think we, the audience of AOT, were also bystanders watching the subtle development of Hange and Levi’s relationship. 

Let’s think about how we’ve watched relationships develop in real life.  

If we’re not invested, they happen incredibly subtly. These people are just constantly together, then eventually we realize we can’t invite the other without the other, then we realize we can barely get them alone, then we realize the person changed and eventually they drop this bomb saying “by the way, I’m dating this person now.”

This pattern happens way too many damn times among my friends though and people I just randomly watch everyday that it just became so expected for it to develop into romance so eventually, when I’ve seen the formula play through, I tend to lean on the side of ‘yeah, they’re probably togteher or getting there.’

Yeah, I get it, there’s a danger in assuming that people are together. I’ve seen enough romantic relationships develop though to realize that leaning on the side of ‘romantic’ given specific signs is usually the correct assumption. In fact, I have earned a good amount of money irl winning bets with my friends that two people are actually together but are hiding a relationship (or possibly are in denial).

What are some of these signs? 

The way they treat this one person is so glaringly different from how they treat other people 

Through the years, I have lost a lot of my best friends to their boyfriends/girlfriends and as the youngest child, I have watched all seven of my siblings get into a relationship and believe me, a lot of them have a certain line they would draw on what they are willing to do for their close friend or sibling and what they are willing to do for a lover. 

I have seen people in love so willingly have their hand crushed while the person they love has their fingers set back. “Hold my hand as hard as you need to.” I’ve seen my friends take a detour 1 hour away from the destination just to pick up the person they love. And here’s the thing, they wouldn’t have done it for anyone else usually, they would have only done that thing for that one person. 

Yes, okay doormats exist. But even people with doormat syndrome, the threshold of what someone is willing to do for a close friend and for a person they love still differ regardless. In a life or death situation, I think both Levi and Hange would have fought to conserve lives but if we consider small things, like routines, groceries, small favors, I feel like Levi has an incredibly low threshold of what he’d be willing to do for a random person. But Levi still carried her groceries for her so he could meet her with Moblit in the smartpass. Levi still picked her up and waited for her in Season 2 when she was researching the rock. And for Hange, chapter 115 is all the hint you need. I honestly don’t know if Hange would have gone through those lengths for anyone else but selfishly abandoning commander duties for one guy? She practically said screw you to everyone else. 

The way they talk to each other is different.

This is something I notice in real life too. Most people won’t notice when they themselves do it but it’s incredibly obvious for listeners if the listeners look out for it. The tones of people’s voices change when they’re talking to someone they love. For a lot of people, sometimes their voices get a little high pitched. For others, sometimes their voices get a little softer. Just watch when you’re talking to a friend and suddenly their SO calls. (It might not apply to everyone but I find this incredibly common.) Not just tones, speech patterns change or tendencies too. In front of that one person, sometimes people are a little more selfish. Like maybe, they don’t usually say what they want to eat but when the one person asks, they would answer because suddenly they know what they want. 

With Hange and Levi we have the ‘let’s live together’ and the ‘dedicate your heart’ respectively. 

These are two expressions/phrases they would have not used with anyone else. There was probably more in canon, but these are just the most glaringly obvious ones with two pivotal scenes that blatantly show that Hange and Levi do have signs of the above.  

Hange and Levi who are generally very selfless all business people, are suddenly only selfish with the person they love. Hange with “let’s live together?” An injured Levi deciding to rest and sleep despite the fact that they were in a war because Hange was nearby to take care of him?

Those two were suddenly selfish when they were alone with one another?

They are constantly together.

Okay, irl, you can see this when you have all your friends ride in a car together and somehow, it’s always them taking those two seats next to each other. They leave the classroom together. They leave every single dam room together. And it could be subtle or not but they always wait for one another. Yet if one person is not there, they’re the type to just go ahead and leave without giving the room behind them a second look. When someone wants to buy something, the other always has an excuse to come. And oh my god, when you call your friend in the middle of the night to hang, that person is always in their dam house or in their dam room, no breaks. 

And Hange and Levi have their equivalent of this. 

Levi literally picked Hange from her lab in Season 2 while she was injured and he had no need to. 

I think I have made a post where Levi and Hange are shown constantly together but lemme make some points. Even early in canon, why were Hange and Levi introduced riding next to each other, they’re not even in the same squad. Why were they riding out the gate together? Shouldn’t Levi have been with his squad and shouldn’t Hange have been with her squad? 

Yeah sure, maybe they just decided to ride together. But why were they next to each other in the Ilse’s notebook too when they went out the gate? And even when they were going to take back Wall Maria, Levi and Hange were next to each other in the lift, they were back to back on Wall Maria. 

Like the only expedition where they weren’t riding together was when Levi had to protect Eren yo.

“They’re both leaders of course they were together” Mind you, Levi’s position in the military is a special one. He’s the captain of a special operations squad and not at all a squad leader so he shouldn’t be riding next to Hange if it were by “leaders” and in the retake Wall Maria, if they were divided by “leaders” why didn’t Hange take the lift with the other squad leaders? Why wasn’t she back to back with the other squad leaders on top of Wall Maria? 

Why did she pick to hang out with Special Ops squad Captain Levi of all people, in every. Single. Damn. expedition. Scene. 

And don’t even get me started on post Season 3 man. They’ve been inseparable since Erwin died.  

They literally come in a set. 

And you kinda realized your friends are in love when you wanna invite one of them out and you realized you kinda have to invite their special little friend by default. 

And Hange and Levi are just like that too, 

Hange and Levi have always come in a set. In fan art, in those advertisements, Hange and Levi are always next to each other. In those fan audiobooks, smart passes, there are always Levihan crumbs. Attack on Titan Chuugakkou was literally a testament to the canonicity of Levihan since in that show, they didn’t even hide anything, Levi and Hange were always next to each other. (I think Hange actually ended up living with him towards the end?) Post Season 3, I don’t even think there were many seasons where Levi and Hange were apart and when they were apart it was more of for duty than anything else. 

Hange was always with him when she could, despite her duty as commander. Given their circumstances, they wouldn’t even be together a lot if they didn’t make the effort too. 

Especially towards the end, 126 - 132, the few times Hange did leave Levi behind were for commander duties but Hange never left Levi for the lulz. And also, in 132, Levi was magically able to walk when Hange finally left him behind, and Levi could barely walk in 132, yet he still pushed himself to stand up, walk toward her and attempt to stop her. 

In fact, Hange’s first scenes were next to Levi and Hange’s last scenes were also next to Levi “See you later Hange.”

And I think the huge efforts they put to being together despite their circumstances says a lot already. Hange and Levi’s treatment of each other and their being together constantly in general is a huge testament to the canonicity of their romance. 

Sure, there were no ‘I love yous’. But really, before our irl friends who were in love actually came out to us, maybe months or even years after we’ve watched them be joined at the hip, were there really ‘I love you’s  between them or did we all just place bets on it because they were just being too glaringly obvious about it in how they treated each other? 

[firelxdykatara]

If you interpret Katara’s aggression towards Zuko as romantic affection, then you have some serious issues of your own. Is a very dangerous message for teenage girls indeed. People who ship Zutara have to seriously analyze how unhealthy the message of the pairing would be. Katara hated Zuko for a valid reason, and to twist it into something it’s not is massively disrespectful to both the character. The outdated and ridiculous notion that a girl who acts like she doesn’t like a guy is simply “confused” and “denying her feelings” is so sexist and degrading. Take her emotions at face value. It's never been

Yawn. Boring. This is the same old tired argument I’ve heard a million times before--the one that proves a) you don’t actually understand how relationships work, and b) you’ve never read a single zutara meta in your life, because that’s the only way you could seriously get the ‘good girl is secretly in love with the bad boy and hopes to fix him’ read of a relationship that bares absolutely no resemblance to that particular collection of tropes either in the show or in our fandom.

But ok! I’ll bite, since you clearly want so badly to be educated and evidently don’t have the time to watch the show yourself, nor the reading comprehension necessary to understand the sort of media analysis that goes on in a lot of atla and zutara-focused meta in this fandom.

Which probably means that anything I write here will fly right over your head, but oh well, what can you do?

At any rate, the first mistake you’ve made here is assuming that I (or zutara shippers in general, but since you came into my inbox, I’m going to be taking this just as personally as you clearly intended me to) interpret Katara’s aggression towards Zuko as romantic at any point in the series prior to their reconciliation (after which point, there is no aggression from Katara aimed at Zuko for anyone, me included, to interpret romantically in the first place). I don’t, and I never have, and neither does a vast majority of the zutara fandom in the spaces I frequent (which encompasses tumblr, occasionally twitter, and the very large zutara discord server I’ve been an active part of for two years now). Pointing out oddly suggestive tension in early parts of the series (such as the “I’ll save you from the pirates” and “you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun” lines, or the fact that Zuko wore Katara’s necklace around his wrist for like nine episodes when there was absolutely no need for it) is just that--pointing out tension.

There doesn’t need to be feelings for there to be tension, antagonistic or otherwise, but that tension is the foundation from which their relationship arc throughout the series grew, developed, and eventually evolved. This is what is generally known as relationship development, and it occurs when two characters go from having one kind of relationship to another within the course of the story.

For example, enemies, who become friends, who become lovers.

Now, your mileage may vary on this next part (although I really hope not, cause Y I K E S), but I, personally, think that ‘if a boy kisses you without your consent, but he really really loves you, then you owe it to him to love him back, especially if he just saved the world, and you should never expect an apology because since you suddenly decided you return those feelings, that means the violation of your boundaries was ok since clearly you really liked him all along’ is a much more damaging message to send to young girls--and boys, to be frank, especially since learning about consent is hugely important at young ages--than ‘if a boy who was your enemy goes to great lengths to better himself, to the point where you forgive him for when he hurt you and become close friends with him, then it’s normal for those feelings to grow and change, even to the point of becoming romantic, and it’s ok to explore them’.

And guess which one of those is canon to the AtLA finale?

Next, you say ‘Katara hated Zuko for a valid reason’ as if that was ever in dispute. It wasn’t--certainly not on my blog. I know there are some people who hate Katara because she was ‘too mean’ to Zuko, but I don’t agree with them, nor do I associate with them, since I have no time, energy, or room in my life for Katara slander. However, do you know what the operative word is in that sentence? Hated. As in past tense. As in, ‘Katara used to hate Zuko, but by the end of the show that is no longer the case, and they are extremely close friends with a deep bond and multiple life-debts between them’.

Why are you so insistent on not only denying Zuko’s hard-earned and bitterly fought for redemption, but also Katara’s emotions and feelings, which you end this weirdly disjointed ask by insisting they be taken at face value?

And it’s actually really funny (ironic funny, not so much ‘ha ha’ funny) that you use the word ‘confused’ there, followed by the phrase ‘denying her real feelings’, and then call that ‘sexist and degrading’, as if that isn’t exactly what happened in Katara’s canon endgame in the show.

She said point blank that she was confused, she showed with her words, tone, and body language that she was not open to Aang’s romantic advances, she had completely forgotten about the last time he’d kissed her without her consent, rather than reflecting on her romantic feelings as one would expect of a girl who’d been kissed by someone we’re supposed to believe she’s had feelings for since book 1, and was completely taken aback by Aang’s reaction to the play and his weird believe that they ‘were gonna be together’, when she had never once indicated that she wanted to be with him in any romantic sense. And yet, he kissed her--and while she got angry about it and stormed off in the moment, he never apologized for crossing her boundaries, and they also didn’t have a single significant scene together between that moment and the epilogue.

What happened to taking Katara’s emotions at face value? What happened to how ‘sexist and degrading’ it is to assume that if a girl says she’s confused, that must mean she’s ‘denying her feelings’? What happened to caring about Katara’s agency, even a little bit?

Anyway, I’m gonna wrap this up by saying: I do not believe Zuko and Katara should’ve been making out in the finale instead. I actually hate the fact that the final shot of AtLA was a romantic kiss (particularly for such a poorly written pairing), rather than a shot of the gaang together like it should have been to show what the series was meant to be about. I think that focusing on the romantic relationships in the finale undercut an already weak ending to an otherwise great (not perfect, but certainly good enough that it deserved much better closure) show.

That said, I also think a Zutara kiss would have been more earned, at that point in both of their narratives. Because Katara’s feelings had been the focus of their relationship throughout its entirety. Zuko’s feelings mattered, too, of course, (in stark contrast to how they were treated during his relationship with Mai), but Katara was the one who got to choose when and why and what she felt about him. She got to choose when to forgive him. She got to choose to help him, and to save his life, and her emotions were frequently the focus in a way they never were during her relationship with Aang, so nudging those into a more romantic light not only would have fit better with her character arc, it also would have been far less jarring to see that as the culmination of their respective storylines, rather than a romantic kiss coming out of nowhere when her very last scene with him was being kissed without her consent and storming off about it because it upset her.

My most fervent hope, anon, is that some day you actually watch the show, Avatar: the Last Airbender. Because Katara and Zuko are amazing characters, they have amazing storylines both separately and together, and it’s really a crime whenever someone misunderstands both of them so badly. I hope that when you do watch the show, you pay attention. You may see something amazing.

[angryschnauzer]

Superior Specimen - Chapter 1

Summary: One night when you are following the Archaeology tag on instagram you stumbled across a fun looking dig... and an even more interesting Paleontologist who soon follows you back. Over the following weeks you start chatting and a friendship soon grows.

Relationship: AU Henry Cavill x Female Reader (No race or body shape mentioned)

Warnings: Slow Burn, NSFW, 18+, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex

I do not operate a tag list, but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified whenever i post something new.

I don’t have a masterlist, but all my works are on AO3, link here. Usually i post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, and multichapters exclusively to AO3, but as this is my first henry story and its going to be a short series, i’ll post to both places.

Superior Specimen – Chapter 1

It had all started innocently; you’d been cruising the paleontology and archaeology tags on Instagram, checking out the progress of the summer digs you were unable to go on, one in particular catching your interest. The dig in the Siberian summer desert was posting some fascinating photos and clips, and you were following them avidly from that point on. 

 A week later when you got the job at the Natural History Museum and you proudly posted a selfie in your uniform, you saw some familiar accounts like and comment, one in particular leaving a chain of hearts, and when you clicked on the profile you saw it was one of the palaeontologists from the Siberian dig. Hitting that ‘follow back’ button you didn’t think much more about the account.

 -

 It was your first day and you couldn’t have been prouder of your own achievements. You knew that jobs within the archaeology and palaeontology fields were few and far between, and unless you were blessed with some very rich parents or managed to snag some sort of sponsor or bursary, actually following the dream and getting in at the upper levels was almost impossible. You’d worked your socks off, volunteering on domestic digs during breaks from university, taking jobs after your degree to advance your language skills, and now it had paid off; the front desk at the most renowned museum in the country, perhaps even the world. Now as you stood beneath the skeleton of the Blue Whale in the giant atrium of the gothic building, you adjusted your name badge, polishing the three flags that were adorned on the bottom of the badge to show the languages you spoke, and watched as the security guard unlocked the doors for the days visitors to excitedly rush in.

 The following weeks rushed by, you thoroughly enjoyed your role and settled into it quickly. You were called upon to help translate for confused visitors from overseas, held a level head when people got out of hand, had met all the staff - it surprised you how small of a number of staff there actually were - and above all you felt completely settled.

 At the end of a long day you finished up your shift and clocked off, grabbing your bag from the staffroom lockers before stepping out into the warm summer evening. Checking your notifications you saw a DM, and smiled when you saw who it was from; the guy from the Siberian dig that over the last few weeks you had started chatting to casually. 

 @Kinghenry; “Looking beautiful as always. How was work?”

 You smiled where you could see he’d replied to an on-the-way-to-work selfie you’d posted that morning;

 “Good. Tiring. And thank you <3”

 You saw the little notification that your message had been seen, and paused as you saw that he was writing, meaning he was online right at that moment;

 “What are your plans for the rest of the night?”

 “A scented bath, then I’m ordering takeout and bingeing Netflix”

 “So, no-one to take you to dinner?”

 You smiled at his sly way of asking if you’re single;

 “Nope. Why; are you asking?”

 “Absolutely. Plus, I brought you a gift back from the dig”

 “Oh yes? What’s that, a bunch of bones?”

 “Just one. A big one. Wanna see?”

 You laugh-groaned at his innuendo, before another message came through with the icon that the user had attached a photo. Your thumb hovered over the icon, hesitating. Had this casual flirting advanced to dick pics? And more to the point; did you actually want to see what he was packing? Hell, you’d seen the crew shots of the dig and had seen him tagged, the guy was built like Hercules. Taking a deep breath you looked up and noticed you were almost at the entrance to the tube station. If you didn’t tap it now you wouldn’t have enough signal in the underground train tunnels to download it, and you knew he would have had the notification that you’d gotten the message. You tapped on the photo… and waited…

 The laugh you let out once the photo loaded bubbled from your throat; there he was, stood in the Siberian desert, chest bare, and holding what must have been a femur from an enormous bi-ped as it was well over 4ft long. You knew that fossils were incredibly heavy, so for him to be holding one of that size you felt a tingle in your stomach at the thought of how strong he was. Screenshotting it your phone buzzed where he sent another message;

 “So, what do you think? *wink*”

 “That’s an impressive bone”

 “Heavy too”

 You felt a bead of sweat slowly make its way down your back, the heat of the summer evening still intense in the city, and you knew if you stood outside the tube station much longer you’d melt;

 “I’ve got to get on the tube, talk later xxx”

 -

 Later was quite a few hours later, and as you sank into the scented bath, you’d indulged yourself with oils, petals, candles; the whole nine yards. The obligatory candle-lit shot of your legs peeking out of the water headed to your grid, before you settled back and relaxed.

 Your phone propped up in the wooden bath shelf playing your music, and a glass of wine half-drunk as you let the feeling of the waters soothe you. After a couple of songs you heard the chime of a notification, peering out of one eye to see that he’d sent you a message. Wiping your hands on a towel you opened it and smiled;

 “Sorry if the tease was too much earlier”

 “Not at all. I opened it, didn’t I? *wink*”

 “That you did… you curious little thing. How’s the bath?”

 “Warm, wet, and relaxing”

 You knew you were being a tease, but you’d had a glass of wine before you’d even gotten into the bath so you were a little emboldened by the alcohol. Your phone chimed and you saw another photo notification, tapping on it and letting out a ‘ouff’. He was standing in front of a full length mirror, wearing just a pair of running shorts that clung to his sweat drenched body and left absolutely nothing to the imagination, the clear outline of a heavy cock resting against his thigh to the point you were surprised it didn’t peek out from the leg hole.

 “I could do with something warm wet and relaxing right now… got all worked up at the gym”

 Your jaw literally dropped; you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the screen as your entire body shuddered with lust. Turning onto your side you flipped the camera to selfie mode, and snapped a shot of your body; doe eyes, the swell of your breasts glistening in the candlelight, down to the curve of your hip as it emerged from the cloudy blue and green water. Not a single thing was showing - nipples and pussy just hidden by the water - but it was obvious you were completely naked. You hit send and settled back into a more comfortable position, watching the screen as it changed from sent to seen then the little notification to tell you he was typing;

 “Look at what you’ve done to me”

 The photo that loaded was taken from chest height, and he caught his stomach and Adonis belt, and his shorts were obscenely tented. He was typing again, and much to your surprise it was a phone number;

 “Here’s mine, or you can show me yours… number that is…”

 Taking a deep breath you hit the number and raised the phone to your ear, hearing it ring before a deep voice answered;

 “Henry?”

 “Yes, is that you Princess?”

 “It’s me” you found your free hand had slid down your body to the juncture of your thighs, just his voice was turning you on.

 “What are you doing?”

 “I’m touching myself… your voice… fuck…”

 “So, if my voice is turning you on so much you must touch yourself, taking you out for dinner will be an interesting experience. Will I need to slide my hand under the table and pet that little pussy of yours?”

 “I guess I’ll have to skip wearing underwear then…”

 The groan that you heard down the line sent sparks to your clit as you rubbed figure eights over the sensitive nub, and you longed to hear it in person, whispered against your ear, his hot breath fanning your skin.

 From that point the conversation entered the gutter, Henry had the dirtiest mind and the deepest voice, his words wrapped around your brain like it was enrobed in salted caramel, and when you came you called out his name so loud your neighbours probably heard. As you came down from your orgasmic high you heard a quiet chuckle;

 “Feel better now Princess?”

 “Hmmm yes, thank you”

 “I need a shower now… somehow I’m even more worked up than before the gym… Hmmn I wonder why?” he mused down the line

 “Shame I can’t lend a hand to help out” you countered, and the sharp inhale of breath told you he’d liked what you’d said.

 “That can be arranged… anyway, I have an issue I now need to take care of, and as you’re not here I need to take the matter into my own hands”

 “Both hands?” you asked coyly

 “Jesus woman… you’re gonna be the death of me, I’m so fucking hard I could burst right now”

 “Well I’ll let you go, but I’ll say what I said before, shame I can’t lend a hand. Speak soon Henry”

 “Absolutely, take care Princess”

Chapter 2 >>>

[sheriff-caitlyn]

I started this blog in 2014, as the first Caitlyn on tumblr, and obviously I’ve been through a lot of retcons and changes myself, not only adapting to Riot’s own public retcons (from the minor, like her aesthetics, to the major, like the removal of the Institute of War as an integral part of their lore) but also to my own. That’s the thing about playing a character as complex as this, is that you learn more as you go. In your interactions with others and the creation of backstory, history, and other bits of worldbuilding to better understand the world you’re in, a character goes from a handful of images and some in-game voicelines to a fully-fledged person with a complex narrative. Sometimes things change, and that’s fine. But there are some changes which... aren’t. 

For all the fingerprints I’ve put on her, she is still not my character. But I care. Sunk-cost fallacy, maybe, but I care about this character I have been involved in and I care about the direction she has been taken. So, without further ado, I’d like to delve into:

The Recent Caitlyn Update In Piltover’s New Context or, We Gotta Fetishise Police Violence, I Mean, Look At Her, She’s So Hot

Back in August 2015, I went, ‘Oh No, they’re going to try to turn Piltover into Gotham City, aren’t they?’, and lo and behold, suddenly we have Poison Ivy now. But I will get back to that, later. In this particular thread, I noted that many of the characters in Piltover seemed destined for a revamp that would rob them of what originally drew us to them in the first place, and that Piltover seemed destined for a rework that would wash out much of their character. Piltover and Zaun were always meant to be polar opposites, but suddenly we were seeing glimpses of Piltover being ‘not as good as everyone thinks’, which hinted that Piltover and Zaun were destined not to be polar opposites in the future, but indistinguishable from each other. It worried me that the only thing telling these two fascinating cities apart would be the sunlight.

So, when we have so much potential for a clash between Zaun and Piltover, between ‘Science No Matter The Cost’ and ‘We Must Advance The World With Care’, why change Piltover to some murky middleground, turning peace and security into wartime capitalism? A world where the people are shitty, where weapons and profit come first, and the only ones making a stand are the ones who are so embittered they have nothing better to do?

Because it has to be ‘interesting’. We’re going to lose bits that we like, that we’re familiar with. And that’s why I’m concerned.

This was before Piltover and Zaun were squished together in an ugly - and utterly ham-fisted - method of showing How Complex The Future Is. There’s layers, guys! Literal layers to this one single city! That means it’s deep! But when I say ‘bits that we like, that we’re familiar with’, I’m not clinging to a fanon interpretation. I’m saying the things that drew us to the world and to the characters to begin with. I could adapt from Caitlyn turning from brown-haired and brown-eyed to black-haired and blue-eyed, because even through I had been doing art, at that point, the change gave me an opportunity to express and discover more about her character (her eye colour being influenced by her mother’s magic, for one). But some of the more stark changes - to family, to job, to personality, to the city of Piltover itself - these result in a character changing completely. I was worried that the cool detective who literally made the world a better place would be chopped and changed into something unrecognisable. I even expounded on my concerns in November 2016, where I could see some of the ways the writers at Rito might make adjustments in the direction of their lore updates.

All this to say, I’ve been working on her for a while, and I was bracing for some bad news. This? This is kind of the worst.

Caitlyn has always been the Sheriff of Piltover, an authority figure, a representative of the law and order that Piltover is famous for. Piltover’s peace and financial prosperity has been directly linked to Caitlyn’s concerted effort to eradicate crime (not criminals, crime! Which, as I have mentioned particularly in this post from 2014, means she upended and reformed the justice system, from the legal process to the prisons to how people are treated as citizens). The city is safe, people have greater access to personal wealth and development, classism is erased, society is flourishing. Zaun, as Piltover’s polar opposite, is a corporate nightmare, with ‘do as thou wilt’, private bodyguards for the rich and powerful while the poor scramble to survive in a system that barely treats them as human. Vi, as a Zaunite, brings a lot of her ‘violence as a problem-solver’ methodology to Piltover’s law-enforcement, though she seems to have no intention of returning to Zaun and seems to have bonded with Caitlyn (‘teamwork!’) to Get Shit Done. And, apparently, there is still shit that needs to be done, though nowhere near as much as there had been in the Bad Old Days.

Vi was, at the time, the awkward-grit-teeth-grin-ha-ha-um-yeah representation of police violence. ‘Resist arrest’, she cries gleefully, as she beats people and breaks down buildings, and we are supposed to go ‘ha, isn’t that funny’ with varying degrees of sincerity. Of course Piltover is going to have problems: anywhere that has wealth and stability is going to be targeted by the envious and the needy. Peace needs to be protected. The problem lies in how that protection is enacted.

So now we have the recent Legends of Runeterra update to Caitlyn, an update which looked at the context of Piltover needing protection, as well as the modern context of Riot’s California location in the Years of Our Lord 2020-2021, and then decided ‘you know what we need? Police violence, everyone loves police violence’.

MAN I thought the stripper-cop skins were bad but here we go!

Her Yordle Snap-Traps (which I envisioned as from the Yordle Military, rather than a racially-profiling weapon as, y’know, they work on human-and-larger-sized people as well) have now been replaced by electroshock grenades, the intent gone from incapacitation and observation to outright paralysis and destruction. Her net-short is now apparently electro-conductive (admittedly, I have had one (1) single RP where that happened, but it came at both a cost to Caitlyn and to her weapon’s efficiency as a result, a last-resort against a dangerous opponent). Caitlyn’s cards in LoR take her from being a detective coordinating ideas and people and putting together a case to a SWAT team leader. This might be the biggest problem in working for a non-combat-oriented character in a MOBA, or in any fighting game: the game needs to find rationalisations for all of their characters being there, being combatants, being able to kill (even if, as Riot says, the lore is separate from the game). We have monsters and soldiers and ancient powers who of course they know how to spill blood and relish in doing so. But pacifists, like Karma or Bard? Explorers like Ezreal? And a sheriff, a peacekeeper, a law-keeper, someone mindful of responsibility and the importance of saving every life possible, like Caitlyn? They’re stripped of that depth and complexity in-game, but there was always the lore that backed them up. But they’ve done away with that completely. Caitlyn was never special operations. She was never military. But now she is, because she had to be changed to fit better into a fighting game. They had to make her violent, and as a result, they have undermined not only everything about the character that made her interesting to begin with - turning her now into a representative of police brutality, but with long hair, pouty lips, and a thigh gap - but they’re also re-writing the context of Piltover. It was bad enough to squish Piltover and Zaun together. But now, Caitlyn’s update is proof that Piltover has gone from a steampunk utopia to a violent, oppressive and cynical post-industrial world. The depiction of Caitlyn as a SWAT team leader (complete with special-forces beret, because hat! Caitlyn wears a hat! Nevermind the fact that she’s no longer wearing a distinctive tophat but instead a symbol of extreme state-sponsored force!) shows us that Piltover’s ‘army’ is not designed as a defence against outsiders, but as an offensive force against their own people. Caitlyn is supposed to be the representation of how peace and order is maintained in one of the largest factions in League of Legends, and if her method of maintaining order is straight-up police violence against their own citizens, then it’s not really peace and order. It’s authoritarianism at best, and facism at worst.

Piltover was different from every other nation in Runeterra because it didn’t have a military. It had defenders, and it had a powerful economy, and it had a democratic political system. But the Piltover update retconned Caitlyn’s hard work. The gangs were back - though now they’re big powerful families like Clan Ferros - and Caitlyn has been de-aged so that she’s still new to the force, that she hasn’t even had her chance to change anything. Her importance to Piltover is minimised... and why is Vi even there? (Oh boy I guess you’re going to have to watch Arcane to find out! Coming to a Netflix near you soon!) With a younger Caitlyn in a violent society, she has no choice but to be violent herself... even if that undermines everything previously established about Piltover and about Caitlyn. This update has made Piltover just as ugly and oppressive as Demacia, Noxus, and Zaun. It’s just another army equipped to do violence, but now that violence is turned inwards. This isn’t protection, it’s control. It’s fear. It’s oppression. Caitlyn is no longer a peacekeeper. She’s a monster. Chopped and changed, as I feared, into something completely unrecognisable from how she began in a world that no longer looks like what it had been... or should be.

It’s hard to tell what came first, the change to Piltover or the change to Caitlyn. Either way, the changes are inextricably linked. Caitlyn was integral to Piltover’s modern state, and Piltover is integral to Caitlyn as a character. Her (original) drive was to make the city and all its people better; Piltover was a utopia because of the effort of Caitlyn, and of people like her, people who wanted a better world. This new iteration of Piltover - full of fear and violence and hypocricy, layered over Zaun in such a way that makes ham-fisted commentary about the wealth/class divide - undermines the value of the individual. It removes agency. It removes hope, which had been integral to Piltover. Piltover is no longer the CIty of Progress... it’s the City of ‘you better be rich and pretty if you want to progress’. And Caitlyn is no longer a force for good or a representative of responsibility, because those things don’t exist in Piltover anymore. Legends of Runeterra has turned Caitlyn into a bitch, someone to hate. She has a marked lack of respect for people, as demonstrated in her new character traits of ‘casually-racist’ (her lines to Veigar), ‘condescending’ (her lines to Viktor), with some added pride in her violence (’here’s my calling card *shoots gun*’ and ‘I aim to win and my aim is excellent’). She is a representative of her city, and she is a terrible person now. Piltover is terrible. Piltover is ugly. 

But Caitlyn avoids that last part. And she’ll get away with it, because she’s a hot twenty-something.

In 2015, I drew Caitlyn-as-Swain, as an AU for what might have been. The overwhelming response at the time was ‘aaa she’s so hot I’d follow that leader of Noxus’, prompting a good friend Swain RPer to comment that Swain - who was, at the time, the withered man in green and gold who needed a cane - was just as smart as Caitlyn if not more so, a proven capable leader, but when it comes down to it, sex-appeal will always trump characterisation and storytelling, and that’s disheartening for someone who puts so much work into stories, to context, to something deeper than ‘Just another MOBA’. And here I am, in 2021, looking at how Caitlyn has been stripped of her fascinating and complex characterisation while maintaining her long legs, long hair, and corsetted figure. Now, I do appreciate the fact they’ve given her a better costume than miniskirt and boobtube. She deserves so much better. I even commissioned back in 2015 for a Better Look for Caitlyn; Tom aka FaerieFountain went on to make her new look canon. But she’s supposed to be a detective. She’s supposed to be careful and methodical and mindful of her status and power. Instead, she’s been made gleefully violent, leaving a lot of depth behind in order to become just Hot Cop With Gun. (As an aside, was anyone else uncomfortable with Caitlyn’s high-school skin? Especially when the writer actually tweeted ‘step on me’? Hello? Ma’am? That is a high school student, that is a CHILD you are talking about? But Caitlyn is hot so it’s fine! Sexualise a child! it’s fine, she’s hot, it’s fine!) Almost everyone who has contacted me about Caitlyn’s LoR cards has been excited to see her. Good! She’s a great character! Or, she was. But the enthusiasm about her is tied to how she’s so violent, how she uses her power to abuse those who don’t conform. But she looks great, smoking hot, you know? And when she’s smoking hot, her dangerous and abusive behaviour and attitude are completely excused. An update to a character needs to take into account characterisation as well as the visuals. Her update, sadly, has focused on the all-too-prevalent problem of the viciousness of state-sponsored violence, rather than the complexity of detective work, of puzzle solving and intellectualism, but because she looks hot and speaks in that British accent, no-one’s going to care. Hot ladies can get away with so much, because legs and pouty lips, but I guess she’s also a cop or whatever.

And, as a momentary aside, why is an eco-terrorist suddenly Caitlyn’s longtime foe? It makes zero sense for Piltover and for Caitlyn that someone who plant-based powers is her biggest rival and the city’s biggest threat. Zero sense, until you take into account that Piltover has been stripped of its character and made into something more aligned with modern authoritarianism than the hopeful vibes of steampunk. Environmentalism? Not on my watch! Deploy the police (the good guys!) to silence the protesters (who are obviously the bad guys becase they’re protesting)! Because Piltover and Zaun are one city now, and therefore indistinguishable, we have a fucking Poison Ivy character causing enough trouble in Piltover to warrant entire fucking SWAT teams opening fire within the city limits and around peoples’ homes! Not Zaun, which is the environmental nightmare, but Piltover! With its fresh air and open skies! Yes, that’s a great place for an eco-terrorist to blame and/or try to fix! The whole thing is honestly so backwards! Like they’ve decided to make a cool character in the form of Corina and just shove her into the story, rather than finding a place in the narrative that suits her. The idea that Corina is C makes no sense. Caitlyn vs C is supposed to be Sherlock versus Moriarty, Ganimard versus Lupin, ACME versus Carmen Sandiego, world’s greatest detective against the world’s greatest thief. It focused on the intellectual battle, the need for self-improvement, and - most importantly! - that this was a fight that didn’t result in gunfire or people being put in bodybags. But we can’t have that in our fighting game! We can’t have people thinking, because that’s not the kind of game we have, it’s left-click-shoot out here on the Rift or in the cards. So now we have a woman with plant powers bombing Piltover, and a policewoman kicking down doors and opening fire. And she’s right there, in Caitlyn’s new splash art, within reaching distance of the sheriff!

She’s right there! In hot pink with a flower in her fucking hair! And Caitlyn doesn’t even notice? Looks like one of my major gripes about Caitlyn being updated - Incompetence - is rearing its ugly head. She cannot even see someone not five feet from her. Oooh, look out, Piltover, no-one can figure out why this single eco-terrorist is causing problems for years, but Caitlyn will figure it out! With her gun! Because she’s a cop with a gun, and cops with guns never cause more problems than they solve, right?

Look... I know. I know she’s not my character. I know that everything I’ve done is fan-interpretation. But I’ve worked for so long and hard and done so much research, and things I’ve done have even been seen by - and used by! - the company itself (not just in the ‘oh what a coincidence’ sense, either, I know my link on Hextech as a form of magic made it to several of the writers, some of whom later contacted me). I might be too jaded by all the disappointment to take it personally anymore, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still happen. We know Riot Games could be and should be better. So many people in this community - and people who have since moved on - put so much love and effort into the characters and the world, building up from scraps and guesswork and extrapolation. It wasn’t our world, but we enjoyed playing in it. We enjoyed struggling in it, because it pushed us to be thoughtful, creative, to be engaged and interested. Critical Theory doesn’t have to be negative... but this recent update to Caitlyn’s character and to Piltover as a whole is... it’s a step backwards. They’ve gone for the ‘ooh isn’t this gritty and dark’ approach, and swept away so much of what made the original so interesting, creative, engaging to begin with. They’d rather have controversy than people genuinely enjoying the thing that they’re opening their wallet for. 

Caitlyn was a detective who focused on responsibility, intellectualism, and care. What she is now is not the same Caitlyn they started with, and expresses a set of values that I do not support. This blog will continue to be focusing on the old lore, on what Piltover has been and what it should be: a hopeful utopia, a place for people to grow and be responsible and thoughtful and mindful of their place on the world stage. It’s not going to be perfect, but there’s hope, and there’s people here who want the world, and everyone in it, to be better than it is. I hope you join me, no matter who you are.

[rainbowvamp]

If Gwaine had a Tumblr but was also in love with Percival, Elyan, Gwen, and Merlin all at once.

I made up a bunch of Tumblr user names. So... if you recognize the URLs that's an accident.

-----

Gwaine’s tumblr, but only the sad posts:

—

Their hands. By the gods their hands. I’d kill a man to hold one.

—

They smiled at me today, just me. We shared a joke and I know they share jokes with others but ours are special.

—

To all the assholes saying I’m being too sentimental on main, just block me. I literally don’t care about you I just want to write crappy posts about the loves of my life. Fuck off.

—

Watched them rip their shirt entirely on accident because their muscles are too big. They kill me.

—

Blue has never looked this good I swear. I’ve seen a thousand skies and never been as enthralled by them as when I looked in their eyes.

—

They have someone else who makes them happy. I’m happy for them. I’m also incredibly alone.

—

Anonymous said:

Your posts are so beautiful. I’m sorry your person doesn’t see them.

killedaknightonce said:

I’m not.

—

People keep coming into my inbox and telling me I write beautiful things and my person should be lucky to be loved by me. And I should just confess because maybe they love me back.

I’m a mess and literally no one deserves that. Turning off anon until y’all quit 👍

—

Gonna stand in their wedding today. Wish me luck mates.

Reblog: god they’re gorgeous. They absolutely deserve this.

Reblog: to everyone asking me their gender. Stfu

Reblog: wedding's done. They’re married. Thanks to everyone for being so kind.

—

Anonymous said: we love you. Remember to take some time for self care. I watched my best friend get married when I loved her and I know how much that sucks. Hang in there. 💗

Killedaknightonce said: I’m getting pissed

—

To everyone telling me to watch my drinking so I don’t accidentally confess. Fuck you I can hold my liquor.

To everyone telling me to take shots. Cheers.

—

You know, at least when I’m this hung over it doesn’t hurt to know they’re having wild honeymoon sex right now, probably pillow talking about how much they’ll enjoy the rest of their life together.

I’m not bitter.

—

I’m super bitter by the gods.

—

Kiss cams with your spouse is cute, but I would pay that camera operator to accidentally put me in with them. They would kiss me as a joke, but I would be fine with that.

--

Happy Beltane. I am going to drown in mead and find a lovely person to fill the hole in my heart.

reblog: why are all of you so nasty?

#never change #bunch of dirty freaks

--

They are the kindest, sweetest, gentlest person I have ever known. Even turned me down with complete and utter grace. What the hell do they see that that blonde himbo that they couldn’t have from me?

#yes i’m bitter it’s fine #i just love them so much

—-

a friend saw the app open on my phone and asked for the URL. Should I make a fake account so they don’t see this. Yes. Am I going to? no. it’s self destructive hours.

If you’re reading this, it’s definitely not about you

—

They. Just they.

-

@/everyone. I got roped into a holiday party and was pressured into bringing a date. Anyone in the X area want to pretend to be my partner?

#This is not a joke #I promise not to fall in love with you #This is how a lot of fan fiction starts isn’t it?

Reblog: You are all way too excited about this.

Reblog: I found someone, stop sending me asks.

—

themurderousenchantress said: I had fun at the party. Why didn’t you ever say that you were in love with 4 different people? I always thought you were just in love with one nonbinary person.

killedaknightonce said: choke

notarobot111 replied: Super aggressive G, you okay?

Killedaknightonce replied: @/notarobot111 I know her. She deserves this.

themurderousenchantress replied: It was only a small trick. And I never even lied.

killedaknightonce: withholding your identity in an attempt to trick me is a lie.

Themurderousenchantress: I didn’t attempt. I succeeded.

Killedaknightonce: choke

—

@/themurderousenchantress would you like to be buried in the woods or dropped in the ocean when I murder you?

Reblogged by themurderousenchantress: I’d actually like to be placed on a boat and have it be set aflame by a burning arrow, if it’s all the same to you.

Reblogged by thefriendlygiant: please don’t kill @/themurderousenchantress.

Reblogged by sonofawizard: you know, I would actually not mind you murdering her, but there’s no need.

Reblogged by killedaknightonce: how many people did you give my url to, you traitorous witch? @themurderousenchantress

Reblogged by themurderousenchantress: say my name boys @/travelandtribulations @/knightedagainstmywill @/cottagecorefruitbat

Reblogged by cottagecorefruitbat: Morgana, you’re being cruel. Stop this. I’m not going to go through your blog Gwaine, I’ll make sure Merlin doesn’t either.

Rebloggedby travelsandtribulations: way to dox us Gwen.

Reblogged by cottagecorefruitbat: Literally every single one of you has your names in your bios shut up Elyan. Percival, please keep your husband in line, you know he doesn���t listen to me.

Reblogged by thefriendlygiant: Why do you think he listens to me?

Reblogged by themurderousenchantress: You have the power to withhold sex. If he’s not listening to you, it’s because you’re not doing it right.

Reblogged by killedaknightonce: I’m muting this thread. I hate you Morgana.

—

Update: polyamory

#I’m not good enough for them but I don’t care #I have never cared about something less than I care about how I’m not good enough for them

Reblogged by themurderousenchantress: you’re welcome

Reblogged by killedaknightonce: choke

Reblogged by sonofawizard: it’s good to see some things never change.

[whyiask]

HAPPY NEW YEAR

There are so many people I’ve met on this site, so many friends I’ve made. I joined tumblr only a few months ago, but my life has already drastically improved. I smile more and laugh more and I feel happier all the time, knowing that you all are just a click away. I’ve often heard people refer to tumblr as a hellsite, but I don’t fully agree with that. True, some things on here are crazy, but more than that, I’ve found people like me. I’ve found people who understand me, who think like me and feel like I do. Ya know, before I joined tumblr, I had never met another bisexual person(crazy, right?). Y’all have made life more enjoyable and happier and brighter, and for that, I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

I have soooo many people I have to thank, so I’ll try to keep the list of people as short as possible: all my closest friends and all the people who have been amazing and I have loved seeing since I joined tumblr earlier this year <33

@one-neat-nerd you were the first blog to ever follow me, and I don’t remember if you were the first blog I followed, but you definitely were in the first 10. You were a wonderful introduction to tumblr, and I love everything you post/reblog. We’ve never really talked, but I still want you to know that I appreciate you.

@warblerjeff you’ve changed your url more than 3 times since I first followed you, and it always takes me a second to recognize you aha! But when I do, I’m immediately have a rush of happy memories- all your Glee posts and all of the Glee content I get from you. We’ve never really talked, but seeing you on my dash is always so amazing.

@jesussavedevenme aha hi! We’ve never really talked, but you were one of the first few blogs I followed when I first joined tumblr, and I know I tagged you in a lot of stuff at first (because i didn’t have any other friends lmao), so sorry about that! 😅 You’re really cool and I hope you have an amazing 2021.

@strawberry-seraph we haven’t talked in a while, sorry about that! Talking with you is always super fun, you’re a fun person and I hope your having a great day! You were one of the first TLC blogs I followed and you were definitely the first actual friend I had on tumblr. Thanks for being so nice to me <33

@cerenoya Ceren... where to begin. We haven’t talked a whole lot, but you are such an amazing friend and super kind when we do! You were my first tumblr idol for so long, because I aspired to be like you/run a blog as cool as yours!! Have a great 2021, you deserve it.

@cindersnightmare I felt very distant from you when I first followed you. You were just so COOL and your artwork was so GOOD, I didn’t know how to approach or even begin to express my love for your work. When you followed me back, I tell you, I was s h o o k. We’ve never talked, but I consider you a friend, is that okay? You’re amazing, keep being amazing <33

@books-and-starss oh gosh- I don’t even know where to begin with you! I love you so much, first of all!! So, so much. I love talking with you, you’re really sweet and ahhhh your writing is SO GOOD!!!! You are a great beta reader and so eager to help me- it just warms my heart that you would offer up your time to help me. Everything you reblog is so positive and encouraging and awesome, it’s so nice to see that kind of stuff on my dash. All the aesthetic pictures you reblog are super cool and pleasing to look at. I absolutely ADORE seeing you on my dash every day. <33333

@dylxn-lee aha hello there!! I first met you because you were one of Abi’s friends, but now I’m in your fanclub and ilysm. You’re really cool and nice and deserve to have a wonderful year <333

@theaberrantone ahaha for so long I pronounced your name wrong in my head- I just want you to know... I see you. I see you every day, liking every single one of my posts. I see you in my notifs many times a day and I just- wow. It means so much to me, I am honestly so touched that someone as cool as you takes the time to scroll through my mess of a blog and like the things I slap into it. You’re amazing and someday I aspire to be as cool as you <333333

@mochiowo-20 hi there :333 ilysm, and we haven’t talked for a few weeks, and I haven’t gone through your blog in a while, but I STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH. You are amazing and ily. Your so sweet and cool and ahhhh you deserve to have the most wonderful 2021 ever. (i love your blog aesthetic btw) <333

@teawithhoneyharper I know you’re taking a break from tumblr for a while, but if you do see this, then I want you to know that I care about you so much. I love you Darcy, and you are amazing. I hope your mental health is getting better and I hope life has been better to you <33 ilysm, take care of yourself, and have a wonderful new year <333

@fablehavenfandom hi there friend!! Your posts are amazing!! I love your writing so much!!! and all your headcanons are beautiful and I 100% think of them as canon now. I hope you’re having a great day, and I hope you have a great year <33

@fairiesandstarlight omG your posts are all so cool! You’ve got a beautiful blog aesthetic and I love everything you post!! I hope you’re having a wonderful new year love <333 wishing you the best

@maya-livingstone hi there!! you’re a very, very new mutual, but I hope we’ll be able to get to know each other and become friends over the course of this new year!! I also just got the Renegades series, and I’ve noticed you like that, so hopefully we’ll be able to talk about that soon!!

@pluckycluckyducky hi plucky!! It’s Joy from the nevermoor server. we haven’t interacted on here very much, but you’re really cool and you should know it. have a wonderful 2021 <33

@fablehavenandfandomsfanatic hi there!! you had to break for a while, but you’re back now and I love all of the things you post! Have a great year <3

@fablehavenfangirl you’re really cool! Everything you post/reblog is great and I enjoy just scrolling through your blog when I’m bored. You’re amazing, keep being amazing <3

@renegadenebulahufflepuff heyyyy! how are you doing? you’re amazing, we haven’t talked much but you’re really cool and I am wishing you only the best for 2021 <333

@bookishfangirl14 hey there!! I love seeing you in my notifs!! we don’t have very many overlapping fandoms at the moment, but you’re still really cool and I love looking at your blog (even if i don’t understand most of the posts). aha, i hope you have a wonderful new year <33

@introvertedtater-tot hii! we don’t talk much, despite having a LOT of overlapping fandoms, and I don’t know why. Let’s fix that this year, shall we? I hope I can get to know you more, you’re amazing and sweet and i hope we can build up a solid friendship in the coming months <33

@devils-on-a-stereo oh my GOD. Okay, honestly? I am still s h o o k that you actually follow me, I mean, c’mon. Your art is literally the coolest thing ever, and I am honored to know you. You deserve way more attention as an artist than you have, and honest to god you are the coolest most  i c o n i c  blog I know. Stay awesome ;)

@its-liiinh-cinder-official heyyy there!! You are literally a top-notch comedian, I aDORE all of your ‘linh cinder’s random posts’. They are hilarious and your stories are hilarious, and you seem like such an amazing and chaotic person. I wish i knew you in real life, you would be so fun to hang out with. i love seeing you on my dash every day, and you’ve got such a v i b e going on. Have a beautiful, wondrous, and magical 2021 darling <333333

@just-another-freaking-dreamer it’s so awesome to see you in my notifs all the time. You’re really cool and you deserve cool things. Have a wonderful new year and I hope we can become better friends and interact more <3

@ragingbisexualcore ahhaahah you are the single most chaotic person I know. If you lived in a book, you would FOR SURE be that one character who is dead set on overthrowing the government and cackling madly as you take over the world. You are amazing and I hope you take your chaotic self and go wild in 2021.

@queenofsassgard hey there!! I hope you know that occasionally I just go scrolling through your archives and liking everything- anyways, you’re amazing and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

@elysian-starbucks-frappe heyo! what’s up? I hope you’re doing great, you deserve to do great. You’re super cool and amazing and ahhhhh you just deserve to have a wonderful 2021. ily and have a great year <33

@as-the-stars-foretold Caelum. You. Are. Fantabulous. You are my mother, you adopted me into this weird, chaotic friend group, and I will be eternally grateful. You love the stars and I love listening to you ramble about them in the server. You’re so passionate and strong and I love that about you. Life wouldn’t be the same without you. You might love stars, but you yourself ARE a star. You are a star, you shine brilliantly, and you are too good for this galaxy. We don’t deserve you. I love you so much, and you deserve every single goddamb good thing in this universe. You’re always there, ever present, and I love you so. much. Please stay your fantabulous self and I wishing on every star I see that you will have the best 2021 ever <333333

@carolinelikesdinner Carol. God, I have so much to say to you. First of all, thank you. Thank you so much for being you. You first introduced me into the big wide world of the Fablehaven fandom, and ilysm. You’re so cool, too cool for me, and I treasure every single conversation I have with you. You’re so funny and an amazing artist. All of your art is SO DAMB SPECTACULAR. You are gorgeous, your art is gorgeous, and your writing is gorgeous too. Take care of yourself love, stay safe, and have the best 2021 you possibly can <3333333333333

@operation-crown-jewels Caraaaaaaaaa ilysmmmm <3333333333333 I love talking with you and I love you so. freaking. much. I can’t even- I can’t even describe how much i love you. You are so special and sweet and supportive and I just can’t- you have NO IDEA how much that means to me, how much all your little comments mean to me. You are amazing, and special, and ahhhhh. You are SO special. So unique. And I’ll never find another friend like you <33333333333

@addies-invisible-life hey emma :3 You are actually the coolest person I know.You are so capable and smart and beautiful. You are kind and supportive and you are open to everyone who talks to you. You love with all your heart, and I love that about you. In everything you do, I can see the love behind it, the work and effort and love that you put into it. Every conversation I have with you lifts me up and energizes me(which is really rare because most conversations tire me). I still, after all this time, still can’t believe that a person as amazing as you even chooses to be friends with me. I love you so much and I will never stop loving you. You deserve the world, but I can’t give you that, so just take my reassurances that I will ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT, be here for you. ily and have a wonderful 2021 <3333333333333333333333333333333333333

@arushahisatroll my god. Ru, I love you so much. You are my internet girlfriend and I care about you so much. You are incredible, honestly. Your art is immaculate and you’re always so cheerful and fill me up with energy just THINKING about you. you always eager to commit arson, which is a very good trait, and I love plotting crimes with you. Every time I see your icon, my face lights up and I internally scream, bc “oh my god someone as perfect as ru exists in this world- i didn’t know that was possible.” You are the best, you are the absolute best, my bestie, and ily. Have a spectacular and immeasurably awesome 2021 <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

@starry-tea-party Abina. Abina you are my rock. You are my light, my star, my sunshine, my galaxy. I love you so much, I can’t even begin to describe it. I don’t know if I can do justice to just how much you’ve helped me. Words... words have never been my strong suit. I love writing because I can weave stories together, piece together words I like to form sentences, and use those sentences to form narratives. Writing has always been easier for me than talking.... because in writing, I don’t have to worry what others will think, or how others will perceive me. I select the best words, and I present those words- the words I meticulously chose and nit-picked- to the audience. Life is a stage, and I have never been great at improv. I often find it hard to tell people things, to convey my meaning in the best possible way and to know exactly what words I need in any given situation. Talking is hard for me. But with you... with you, I never have to monitor what I’m saying. I never feel the need to reread and reread my messages before sending to make sure everything is in perfect order. It’s... it’s easy to talk to you. It’s easy to speak and I don’t worry when I’m with you. You make me feel so at ease, and I love you so much. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing, because I know that you’ll always support me and be by my side with a kind word and a heart of gold. Because that’s who you are. You are a creator, a dreamer, a lover, a visionary. You’re a friend. You are the hand that pulls people out of the water. The light that shines the pathway. You are the rock- the mountain we stand upon and look out over the beautiful sea. We look down at the seas below us and say, “how have we climbed so high already?” The reason is because you stand so tall, so bright and so magical, that we climb, we climb and we look out at the world below us. Not only are you tall, strong, powerful, but you lift people up right alongside you. There is nothing like the high of seeing the world stretch out beneath your feet, swinging you legs through the open air but knowing you’ll never fall. You represent that high in my mind. You represent and you remind me of the exhilaration of feeling untouchable- uplifted by love and kindness, able to reach heights you’ve never been to before. There is so much that can come when someone extends their hand to you. So much more can be achieved when there are two, holding each other up. You have held me up for so long. Every since we met, you have brought a smile to my face at the thought of you. Every time I think of you, my heart swells and I can’t breathe. Every comment you make or put on something I post has me screaming internally ans smiling uncontrollably. Whenever I see your icon I know my day is about to get one million times better. So thank you, Abi. For being my rock.

[threecheersforsuccess]

Uni Study Diary 17th Entry: Feeling Out of Place in Studygram + My Criticism/Hiatus

I wanted to make a statement like this a long time ago, but I did not know how to put my innate feelings into words. For those who do not know, I have not been posting on Instagram as much as I have before. At the beginning of 2021, I took a break because of my mental health. In March, when I tried to return, I suddenly stopped posting for about 2 months or so because I just simply felt out of place in the studygram community. Since I have been running a studyblr/studygram for 4 years, I truly wanted to get back into doing so, so I felt confused why only negativity brewed. This platform has given me nothing but benefits; it gave me a place for me to express myself and overall, be happy when I could not. I could share my everyday, my favorite stationery, foods, and the study tips that resonated with me the most at the moment. I met many people who placed a lot of emphasis on learning as much as I did. People who shared similar values and pathways inspired me to push through with my own academic journey. However, taking all of these breaks made me realize how much the studygram community on Instagram has shifted compared to when I first started out, and the attributes held by this newest incarnation, I have to admit, tanked my enjoyment overall.

First, there exists this frantic emphasis on acquiring followers, comments, and likes rather than creating quality posts. Every now and then, I receive a slew of direct messages or comments from those who want me to look at their page and interact with their posts in some manner. Back in the day, I would put my utmost support in budding accounts, and I would do what they told me to. Nowadays, I immediately block or unfollow those who ask me to because these requests can be so dispiriting. In 2017, when I started threecheersforsuccess, I would always get excited to receive a direct message or comment because people usually be sharing their opinions, criticism, or questions in regards to what I put out on my page. This opens the floor for some really nice discussion, and I met some long-term studygram connections this way. Being used as a potential “like” machine does not feel good at all, and this behavior just dismisses the whole point of running a study platform in the first place.

Secondly, the growth of some of these Instagram pages does not sit well with me. Instagram (TikTok as well) has never been a great place for informative and in-depth content (as you can see with activism posts); many of these Instagram pages use these quick and snappy carousel or reel posts that do not, for a lack of a better phrase, hold much substance. In many tip/guide posts, people reiterate short statements regularly along the lines of “remember to take breaks,” “do not procrastinate,” “use a pomodoro,” etc but never go into how, why, or challenge the notion entirely. I love tip posts, and I believe they have been the core of the study community since its beginnings on Tumblr, but Instagram and the way tips have been presented rewired my brain in a way to see them more of a nuisance than helpful. Sometimes, I even find them inundated with pseudo-psychology (ex. those promoting MBTI-based or astrological-based study strategies, which I can see as helpful in giving direction. However, for some, people can fall prey to one-dimensional thinking based on the label they identify as when in fact, studying requires constant trial and error of techniques regardless of what your personality may be. After all, you will be switching in and out of different classes, professors, and subjects throughout your journey so variance has to be highlighted, and there is never one "hack" that solves everything), and some people simply do not know how to look at proper sources if they want to cite something. I have never been a numbers person, and I have never been consistent with my theme or aesthetic because I just post what I want to post. However, when I put a tip post out of my own that I put a lot of work into, I do find it disheartening sometimes how quick, easy content triumphs over what kinds of new and in-depth ideas I want to bring. To be honest, I do feel especially sad when the only comments I would get on my posts would be those who want me to like or follow their own page.

Thirdly, all of these factors combined pushed me to set these strange expectations of perfectionism that prevents me from making posts altogether . I would get an idea and then feel immensely overwhelmed whether or not to pursue the topic. Not only I want the post to be helpful, but now, for some reason, I feel the obligation for the post to have a strong enough reach. Back then, I could churn out posts in less than 30 minutes, but now, creating carousels or tip/guide posts just take up too much of my time. All for the sake of perfectionism, the criticism and commentary I have for others, and the overall need to do better. I have so much to say, but I get stuck and do not know how to put any of that in words in the "best" way possible. As a result, I struggled with writing this post as well.

I am not the type of person to leave issues unattended, and I do not want to quit. Therefore, I have decided on a new approach that provides me more flexibility with my mental health and my production on threecheersforsuccess. This approach requires a huge change in my attitude. I have always seen threecheersforsuccess as something personal but not ENTIRELY personal. I do share my academic journey, but I always felt the duty to give back in the most optimal form and always know what to say in relation to giving tips and techniques. From now on, I’m going to shed away the need of giving back to others and have this blog focus on myself, mainly on the process (ups and downs) and mistakes of being a student. I realized from these months that I do not need to always know the answer or have all the answers because I am constantly learning too. I can make this shift easily; this is not company or service, even though I do hope to inspire others, at the end of the day, this place operates best as a place for myself. By giving myself more autonomy and less restrictions in the way I think, I will be able to have everything up and running again. Knowing that I have that direction makes me extremely happy.

As for my 4th anniversary on this platform, thank you all so much for your continued support! I really appreciate you all out there, and I’m excited for what’s to come in the future.

[noramelll]

The Fault (And the Favour)

This is a fan story for @chronicintrovert​  ‘s book called Solitaire! I’ve read it so many times and practically studied this book while writing this. Anyway I thought it would be really interesting if there was a nick and charlie POV for the last few chapters of solitaire because i always LOVED to entertain that thought but after talking it over with a couple other heartstopper fans i just had to put that shit on paper. anyway, this will have MAJOR spoilers for Solitaire, also a trigger warning here for Suicide and eating disorder mentions! Stay safe and i hope you enjoy :)))

NICK 

It’s quarter past six in the morning when I get a phone call. The ringtone is loud, piercing through the peaceful silence of my room, and I’m jolted awake by the sound. 

When I pick up my phone and realise it’s charlie calling me, I get a flush of relief and anxiety in my chest at once. For one, it isn’t Tori who’s calling me. The last time she called me was when Charlie was sent into the mental hospital. Something about Tori’s anxious tone always gave me an unpleasant shiver down my spine. So when it isn’t Tori who’s calling, my shoulders relax and I release a breath of air.

But then again, Charlie’s calling me at 6 am. That either means something’s on his mind and he hasn’t got any sleep, or he woke up ridiculously early for some bizarre reason.

I answer his call. “Charlie? It’s 6:15, what-”

“Nick.”

It’s Charlie. That’s his voice, that’s him. But it’s the ‘him’  I’m way too familiar with. Panicked, distressed, on the verge of tears. I’ve seen this side of him too much for my liking: while he recovered from his eating disorder, while we ate dinner together, while he told me about the things he thinks about.

 I’m here for him. I always will be.

But god does it scare the shit out of me whenever he speaks with a tremor in his voice like that. 

“Char? Char, what’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer. On the other end, I can already picture what he’s doing- putting a hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes aggressively, biting his fingernails anxiously, his eyebrows crinkled as he tries to figure out what to say.

But this time he knows. I can tell he knows what he wants to say. It’s on the tip of his tongue.

“Charlie, seriously, what’s going on?”

“It’s Tori.”

A chill goes down my spine. Not only do I notice the pure fear in his voice, but I pick up the sound of rustling in the background and doors opening and closing. “It’s Tori, Nick. She- She took off an hour ago, Becky just called me.”

“What?” I sit up in my bed, my feet are dangling over the edge and I’m prepared to pull on my shoes as soon as possible. “Where is she going?”

“To-To school.” His voice is shaking tremendously now. I can almost feel his hands trembling as his footsteps echo through my phone.

“To school… why is she going to school, the bloody sun hasn’t even come up yet-”

Charlie’s voice becomes more frantic, he’s panicking harder and the desperation in his voice makes it hard to listen to him. “Nick, she’s going to school because of Solitaire. Their- Their final operation is today. She’s going to try and stop it.”

It’s like something clicks in my head. Tori, Charlie’s sarcastic, monotone older sister, who once couldn’t care about anything other than her brother, Tumblr and watching movies, was slowly being driven mad by solitaire and their ‘operations’. The solitaire meetup party. The happenings at The Clay music festival that was hacked by solitaire. Then at Dinner on Monday, it was as if she had completely changed. Talking in sentences that made us extremely concerned. “Solitaire is going on, yet no one cares.” “It’s all fake. Everyone is faking. Why does no one care about anything?”

Holy shit. 

“Is she fucking insane? What the hell is she trying to do, get herself killed?”

“I don’t know, Nick, she’s alone and she’s going to do something bad and I can’t sit here and fucking wait until I’ve found out that my sister is dead, I-I have to do something, fuck-”

My shoes are already slipped onto my feet and I’ve grabbed my keys. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”

CHARLIE

I’m on the front porch before Nick lets me know that he’s coming soon. I didn’t change out of my Pj’s and it doesn’t matter. My sister ran off to try and stop this insanity of a ‘prank’- if it can even be called that-  and seeing how their last operation left, it’ll be lucky if she makes it out of there in one piece.

It’s my fucking fault. I’m sure of it this time. I do this a lot: pinpoint the blame on me, feel guilty, cry. It’s a routine that I try to get out of, but right now that doesn’t matter either because I’m completely sure that if I hadn't said something or listened to Tori she wouldn’t be off in the dark trying to stop a bunch of lunatics trying to accomplish god knows what.

I remember one night, when Tori was visiting me in hospital, she mentioned to me about how she noticed that I had gotten worse over time and that she didn’t say anything because she thought she was just imagining it. So she stayed out of my way. She admitted that she’ll always regret that.

That’s how I feel now, and it’s horrible and I feel fucking helpless and just as soon as I get that twisting feeling in my stomach I see Nick’s car pull up to the curb and before I realise it I’m already in his car, and my arms are around his shoulders and I’m trying to breathe but it’s so hard and I can’t do anything-

“Char, breathe. Deep breaths. Look at me.”

Nick’s hand is on my cheek but I don’t even feel it because I’m trying to remember why I’m so fucking anxious in the first place, I forget where I am and I forget who I am. I can’t feel my hands.

It’s my fault. It’s my fucking fault.

“Charlie, I’m right here, look at me.” He’s tilting my head up, and nick is looking at me. He’s filled with so much concern, but this calm tone helps me think again. I’m breathing. Nick’s hand is wet. I think I’ve been crying.

“Hey, you’re alright. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay-”

“But Tori- fucking hell, she’s going after them, and it’s all my fault-”

“Hey, hey, don’t say that. None of this was your fault.” Nick has taken my other hand from his shoulders and into his, squeezing hard. The feeling in my hand returns. “Don’t blame yourself, okay?”

I try to believe him. I’m really trying, and for a while I do, and I buckle into my seat, his hand not leaving mine. He strokes my hand with his thumb while we whirl past the houses covered in the pitch black. It’s so quiet. I wonder what the world would be like if it was always like this

The silence is painful, it’s heavy and tense. I’m still bouncing my leg up and down, so I curl up into the car seat instead.

I can feel nick peering a glace at me every two seconds, without realising it’s making me slightly more anxious so I turn on my phone instead, to see if there are any updates on solitaire’s blog: any clue as to what the hell they’re planning.

And when we’re about a minute away from Higgs School, I see a Facebook post from Lucas Ryan.

‘Solitaire is burning down Higgs’

I’m staring at it. I’ve recoiled my hand away from Nick, touching the screen with shaky fingers. I’m rereading it. I’m trying to make sense of it. Holy shit. There can’t be any way.

“Oh my fucking god.”

My head snaps up to the school across the road from mine, burning down in a fiery blaze of glory, lighting up the whole neighbourhood with an orange glaze.

I’m already out of the car. Nick is out of the car. We’re both running onto the oval, snow crunching under our feet. I didn’t wear any shoes, but that isn’t important, because my sister could be in a fucking burning building. I don’t feel the cold as I’m running across the oval.

Nick isn’t too far behind me, at one point he’s taken my hand again as we rush towards two dark figures on the oval. 

When we get closer I realise it’s Lucas and Becky, and they spot me. they’re rushing over to me and rambling loudly about how they’re sorry and that Tori didn’t come out with them and that they got separated but I stop listening after that because my vision has become kind of hazy, and I’m trying to grapple the fact that Tori is still in there.

Victoria is still in there.

My feet are itching to move. Off of the freezing snow and into the flames. But Nick notices how my eyes keep darting over to the door because his grip on my hand has become intensely tight. 

“Don’t even think about it. We can’t do anything, Charlie.”

So I don’t do anything. I stand there as the flames engulf the burning building, I’m losing feeling in my hands and feet again. I have to move. I have to get in there, I have to save my sister. 

Then Nick gasps and Becky shrieks and I follow their gaze towards the concrete roof of the art conservatory.

Among the blazing orange and yellow fire, a small figure stands on the roof of the building. 

It’s Tori, and her hair is flowing through the cold wind and she’s looking down to the ground below her.

And she’s nearing the edge of the roof.

Without realising I’m dragging nick along with me as I run at full speed toward the roof. My heart starts racing even faster to the speed of fucking lighting when she moves her feet over the edge and by that point I’m already screaming out to her.

“DON’T!”

I’m waving my arms at her frantically. I’m running as fast as I can to the roof. She’s staring down at nick and I. I’m shouting and screaming up to her, to please, don't do it, and I'm so sorry for not listening to you. You felt the same way when I did the same as you and I’m sorry for not being there for you, you were always there for me and I owe so much back to you.

Then there’s another person who appears out of nowhere above her. Tori snaps from her gaze down below to look up, and I can’t make out who she’s talking to. The person is holding a hand down to Tori, and I’m praying to god that she just takes this person’s hand and step away from the ledge before my beating heart bursts out of my chest.

Suddenly Nick is standing in front of me and hoisting me onto his back. He’s clutching my legs as I try and scream louder, harder for Tori to hear me. She shines her torch up at the hand, and I catch a glimpse of Michael Holden. Any bad feelings I once had towards Michael melts away while I silently beg and beg that she just takes his hand anyway. 

Micheal jumps down onto the roof and stands next to her. They’re standing completely still. they must be lost in a desperate conversation, with the sound of crackling wood. People must have gathered around near us, because now there are many yells of joy and despair around me. But I can’t tear my eyes away because I’m watching intently, so closely, watching just to see if Tori’s feet move away from the edge. Please just step away.

And then Michael Holden and Victoria kiss. In the middle of a raging school fire at the brink of dawn. 

But I’m taking that as a win because her feet move away from the edge when Michael pulls her into a hug. 

“Thank fuck.” I hear nick from below me. The crowd around us bursts into a cheer. But I’m not joining them, and neither has Becky (who is now on Lucas’ shoulders) because we’re still waving up at Tori, yelling her name. My arms are so sore and I realise now that I’m not wearing a long-sleeved top but that also doesn’t matter right now, because my sister is up there and shes now looking down at me, and she’s safe, and I’m smiling so hard while sobbing, because she’s safe.

After the fire brigade arrives and rescues Tori and Michael off of the concrete roof, and as soon as she gets down to the oval I climb down off of Nick’s back and rush towards Tori. She’s looking at me in a way I’ve never seen before. I’ve never seen her like this before. But that’s okay, because she’s alive, and she’s here, and I’m now holding her so tight I’m worried that she’ll break.

“Fuck, Tori- never do that again, that was- holy shit-” I’m trying to string together a coherent sentence to tell her I was so scared, I’m so sorry, I can’t lose you, I’m sorry that I didn’t do anything. I’m sobbing extremely hard, to the point of embarrassment, but Tori’s crying too, and there’s this odd feeling of comfort I get while holding my sister who just nearly committed suicide on a burning building. 

She looks up at me, and my heart slowly starts to slow down as she smiles up at me. A genuine smile? I can’t tell. But I smile back anyway, a smile that I hope tells her everything that I can’t put into words, and I pull her into another hug and release a shaky breath.

Tori understands anyway. 

It’ll take a while for me to understand her, but she took that risk for me before.

I’ll return the favour.

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter five

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Ehm... 13 years < , I mean, is not that hard, but just to be sure.

I´ll be posting this one over here because Tumblr, for some reason, thinks my secondary blog is a bot...

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

Now, about the PAIRING... I will be using choices style, kinda, because I want to give you choice at some point. If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so... i’m sorry fo the grammar errors

CHAPTERS 

The beginning

Chapter one 

Chapter two

Chapter three

Chapter four

ONE-SHOTS 

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

—————————————————————— 

“No.”

“What?”

“I'm not doing it.” Poppy laughed, trying to hide her anger towards them.

“Farmsville, come on…”

“I said no.”

The strawberry blonde closed her fist so hard she could almost feel the earpiece cracking.

“Honestly… This seems a little extreme. And I will never support any kind of hurtful pantomime.” Those icy eyes pierced right through her, a strength and courage radiating from them so powerful that Poppy would´ve been turned on if she wasn’t very pissed.

“Am I missing something? I thought you hated Chloe as much as we do.” Oh, right. There was Bradley. She almost forgot about him.

“As we do?” The irony in Beck’s voice was so palpable that she could see it slapping Bradley right in the face. “Has Chloe ever done anything to you that I´m not aware of, Hollywood?” Beck smiled tired, as to making fun of themselves. “Zoey was right; I shouldn't have come… “The simply mention of that girl´s name set on fire her blood to an unexpected level.

“That bitch…”

As Beck tried to walk away, Poppy intervened, full of rage.

“I didn’t think of you as one of those who´s afraid to actually do something!

And that´s where Beck stopped, as if something made click inside them. They turned around and for the first time in her life, someone’s look made her feel naked, completely exposed. The more Beck analyzed her, looking for something they only knew, the more vulnerable she felt. That moment lasted just a couple of seconds, no-one around them notice it but both of them.

“You’re right.” They finally said, reaching out for the earpiece which Poppy gave them doubting, giving out the other one to Bradley. For some strange reason she didn’t want them to participate anymore, but now they were necessary, it was too late. The operation had already begun, so she didn’t have other choice but linked her arm with theirs, walking into the dance floor.

“I´m counting on you tonight, Farmsville. Don’t disappoint me.” Once on the dancefloor, Poppy gave Beck a light shove and took a deep breath, trying desperately to erase any residue of the feeling they made her have. “You take the left side of the club. I´ll take the right. And remember, don’t let Chloe out of your sight.”  That was the last thing she told them before parting ways.

~~X~~

The thing is…

She hasn’t seen Chloe in all the fucking night.

What were the odds? Surely the stupid blonde should be in Beck's side, the very thought of it tasting bittersweet… deep down, she knew the real reason to involved Beck.

They were a good person.

The heaviness in her chest was there since the moment she found out Chloe was taking the hook. At first she was thrilled, smash enemies, that was her favorite thing, having plans, blackmailing, humiliating… that was kinda her thing, and she loved it at some point… but Chloe…

Gosh, she hated her. But the memories of them playing, laughing, crying, growing together… a big part of her really wanted to make her pay for her betrayal.

But the other one, the little, small other one… the other one begged to have her best friend back.

Maybe that’s why she didn’t stop Beck when she saw them warning Chloe, telling her she should not trust any word coming out Bradley’s mouth. Maybe that’s why that previous moment with Beck was so intimate yet personal… Yes, definitely they were more observant than she gave them credit for.

After making sure Chloe was far away and all the attention was on Bradley, Poppy walked towards Beck, her bitch mask on as always. She would rather be caught dead before admitting she needed their help to protect her from herself.

“It’s go time. Let’s make this bitch bleed.”

Her words claimed, but her actions were something else. Feeling stupid, like a child, Poppy wrapped Beck's arms around her, searching for comfort, but giving them her back. She could feel their chest behind her, their heat warming her body and their breath close to her hair. Without realizing, her fingers caressed their forearms tenderly, her eyes never looked away from the stage, where Chloe was dazzle by Bradley.

This was it. Her plan was marching flawlessly, even though the first words spoken by Bradley were… well, definitely he did not know how to improvise.

“You’re up, Farmsville. Feed him his first line.” Poppy felt Beck taking a deep breath and hugged her tightly but gentle. Their mouth hided behind her ear, and suddenly, she forgot about the purpose of all the things she was doing.

Because for one moment, Poppy felt as a regular girl, hearing sweet nothings from her significant other.

“She’s got an amazing sense of style… Seriously, she dresses like a runway model. Whatever she walks into a room, everyone turns their head.”

Her heart was beating fast, a strange warm in her chest was growing, and their lips moving closer made her snuggle even more against them, being reciprocate immediately by Beck, holding her still.

“Whenever I’m around this girl, I feel like the king of the world. Not only is she so hot, she’s also compassionate… She shines this amazing light on everyone and everything around her. People who are lucky enough to be her friend can always count on her support.”

Poppy felt the playfully smile on Beck’s mouth, that idiot, even in times like this still managed to crack some joke around.

“You’re a moron.” She whispered.

“Think you could do it better? Be my guest.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“This might sound like a stupid question, but… do you know who I'm talking about, Chloe?”

And, as simple and quick as that, it all went down to reality. Beck broke the hug apart, walking away to the bar so quickly it actually made Poppy shivering from the sudden cold, feeling unprotected, like something was missing… someone was missing.

“Of course I do” she heard Chloe said. A weird mix between excitement and fear taking over her, while looking perfectly neutral from outside. “It’s Poppy, isn’t it? You’re talking about Poppy Min-Sinclair.”

Poppy's honey eyes went straight to Beck, who was pretending to do a toast, alone, in her behalf. She didn’t even pay attention to what was on stage. Beck admitted to her having sabotage her revenge.

And she couldn’t be more relieved about it.

She also reached for the bar, standing up next to them, neither of them looking at each other.

“Poppy, you have to understa…”

“I can’t say I'm not disappointed, but at least we got Chloe to look a little stupid up there.” Poppy interrupted them. Beck looked surprised for a second, nailing their gaze into their drink after that. “… By the way, the lines you fed Bradley were pure, vicious gold.”

“I got inspired, that’s all.” They murmured, almost ashamed.

Poppy didn’t had time to respond, because The T notification buzzed in her phone: Beck was now top nine, and, of course, herself was back on top one.

“Oh, it worked all right. I’m right back on top, where I belong.”

She couldn’t help but smile to them, a real, happy smile. She got her crown back, and the damages weren’t so bad after all. And it was thanks to Beck, they were a completely live saver. No wonder why Zoey was so eager to protect them…

Speaking of her… if she was as serious as she claims to be towards Beck, and since The T spies were already here… maybe it was time to make a really good move to prove her who's better. And she knew exactly how.

“You did your part. Now, let’s dance.”

Decided, Poppy grabbed their hand, trying to lead them out on the dance floor, but she didn’t get much. Beck was rock still, looking uncomfortable… Like with all of those girls.

“No, I… I don’t dance, Pops.” Are they really rejecting her? To her? No, she was not another stupid whatever girl, she was, again, the Queen. Nobody says no to her.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you do!” she said. “I’ve seen you dancing around with Wade. Don’t you try to deny it.”

“That’s different.” They defended themselves, making Poppy raise an eyebrow, challenged, before changing it to a flirty grin.

“Well… maybe I want to be different to you, too.” There it was, that precious lamb’s look she wanted so badly to see. “Just this one, tushi-face…”

Beck started walking almost right away. There it was, their soft spot for her Beck didn’t wanted to acknowledge, but it was already within them.

Not letting go their hand for a second, Poppy and Beck reached the dance floor right away to start to move to the beat in time, Beck trying… really trying to do the same.

Seriously, this dude was bad at this.

Was Zoey the answer?

No, they’re nervous, she could feel the tension in all their body. But why?

“What are you so nervous about?” She asked, feeling a little insulted.

“Paranoia.” They said.

“To what?” Beck only managed to shrug, something in their eyes was off, remembering something from… the past? Beck was afraid? Hell, what did Farmsville do to them? Poppy threw up her arms around their neck, leaning closer, trying to make him forget. “Don’t repeat this to anyone, Tushi-face, but… I needed you tonight.”

“Sounds to me like… You want me, too.” They joked, Poppy could feel the tension disappearing, nothing really to do with the conversation, but with the small petting she was doing to the hair close to Beck’s nape. “Be honest. Was this whole plan an elaborate ruse to get me on the dance floor?” Poppy smirked.

“Don’t be ridiculous, this was all about sabotaging Chloe.” She said, laughing. “Of having wanted it from the start I’d already have you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I want you now, and I’m having you.” Beck expression was a poem, the surprise written all over them for a moment, processing the information.

“What are you saying, Poppy?”

“I’m a woman used to get only the best, Hughes. And once I put my eyes onto something… or someone I want, I’ll do anything to make them mine…” The sexual tension was in the air so thick it made everyone around just disappear, the sparks between they both, the way they looked at each other… full of hunger, of need… She wanted Beck, and they wanted Poppy just the same. She could feel it so clear in the way they were touching her back, delicate, yet strong, longing, like begging to the devil to stop, but not wanting to. Please, just end my misery… those eyes claimed, but their body, moving along with hers was screaming to continue, and Poppy got drunk on it, needing more… a lot more.

“Baby, you got lucky cause you're rocking with the best… And I'm greedy… so greedy” She sang whispering, stroking her nose against theirs, playfully, softly, their lips oh so close to hers she could somehow feel them tremble, the sensations intoxicating them both so badly. “I ain't talking money, I'm just physically obsessed… And I'm greedy…”

“Poppy…” They moaned and the strawberry girl couldn’t take it anymore, desperately claiming Beck’s lips with her own.

Her heart exploded.

Beck’s mouth was warm, soft, addictive. As the kiss continued, the need became more and more insufferable, she wanted all and everything. She wanted to feel these heady fireworks on each part of her skin, that tongue taking care of the flames in her body, their hot lips heating her as fire, their breath became poison and the cure at the same time, she stuck her body even closer, trying to feel theirs desperately… Never, anyone, had made her feel so much with just a kiss…

A kiss that suddenly went to a rude ending.

Beck broke apart the touch so promptly that it actually hurt inside her.

“No, I… I just can’t. I gotta go.” Beck was trembling, that was the last thing she managed to understand before being completely alone.

-----

Next

[levyfiles]

I want to start a shyan blog but I’m so scared because I don’t know how Shane and Ryan actually feel about it which makes me nervoussssssss help

Ohhh boy, brace yourself, nonnyhunny. I’ve got some word vomit for ya

To start off with, I just want anyone and everyone who is currently new to navigating this terrain we call the internet to know one thing and that is this one very important concept. Embrace your own insignificance! The internet is a big place. I once read a post on here that encouraged new users to think of Tumblr itself like you’re walking into a Walmart. You’re not here to make friends and you’re not here to shop for everyone else; you’re filling your own cart with the things you need and like and if someone comes along and takes a long good look at the things in your cart and says, “WOAH there, eating trans fats is unhealthy for you! I never eat trans fats because of a big list of reasons! Stop buying trans fats!!” you’re gonna be both puzzled and annoyed because it’s your cart, your Walmart experience; why the hell do they care what you’re gonna get?

However! I get it, the internet is now comprised of six different websites/apps and if you’re on there, there is no way to avoid or curate a completely ideal sense that you’ve made a space that’s all your own. There are going to be people who disagree with you, people who decide they don’t like what you do, but ultimately, in the midst of all that, you’re going to find people who feel the same in whatever regard you express yourself and that’s why it’s important to just express yourself because otherwise you’re going to develop a lot of disingenuous connections with people who would likely try to ruin your life if you disagree with them on some subject or other.

Now with that whole disclaimer in mind, I also understand where you’re coming from. Putting myself in the shoes of someone just trying to participate in a new fandom where there is a lot of contention among the masses about the rights and wrongs of RPF and whether the concept fits in with a philosophical debate about human nature and the way we interact with each other, witness each other’s journeys. That’s simply it, however; it’s an ongoing debate and where philosophy and debate are concerned, I always hold the belief that an individual’s right to ground themselves and say “These are the principles I wish to abide by” is sacred and ultimately, no amount of anonymous hatred or shrieking messages of outrage is gonna change that until you yourself decide that the principle isn’t working for you personally. My principle is that it’s fiction; an AU to explore as valid and sweet to me as demon!Shane headcanons are, but moreso because I identify with queer love stories and friendships forged by strangely deep similarities and complementing souls. I also love personalities like theirs, love the idea of said friendship and what it would bring to a story about two human beings who meet by happenstance and end up building something world-changing together. Still, because I am just a writer and a consumer of media, that’s the nicest thing I can give myself, a fictional account of these things while witnessing the real version happen in parallel. I get to celebrate in the overlap of similarities the real world and my fictional account take and watch it inspire my friends and mutuals to build their own universes and it’s beautiful. 

With that point being made, I also understand the reason a lot of people are nervous about being open about shipping. The backlash from a bunch of strangers seems to take on a note that would make even the nicest person sound like a puritan about to hold some extravagant witch trials. Nothing more interesting than a person claiming to do good in the world using words like “exterminate” “cleanse” or my personal favourite “purge”. I’ve read rumours being spread about shippers that take on their own life especially because it’s human nature to let other people handle the research; it’s human nature to just take a believable narrative at face value. One rumour being that shippers of this fandom write stories where we kill off Shane and Ryan’s significant others. Myself and my friends who are avid readers of the ao3 tag know that that hasn’t been the case since 2016/17 and by all accounts, I have yet to find the fic where this happens (barring a tinsworth fic I’ve only heard about). Mind you, not many of us check out Wattpad but even there it’s more self-insert friendly with themes I can’t even stomach. 

Which leads me to the last point and the main reason you sent this ask, I’m assuming. Ryan and Shane’s personal thoughts on the issue. Now, it behooves me to supply screenshots and proof when I make a claim but let’s consider if instead from the perspective of two adult men who have operated online far longer than a lot of their audience. Given that I am the same age as Shane, I know what the internet used to look like and how far it’s come and RPF is not a brand new thing neither did it pop up out of nowhere when One Direction debuted. And just like fanfiction in and of itself had its pushback from media because of its demographic and absolutely because of its queer-leanings, RPF appears to get a lot of that same energy, but it’s not an inherently toxic past time. Much like any fandom activity, it can get bad because fandom is not a monolith; it’s a bunch of individuals enjoying a medium in the ways they have learned to. You’re gonna get some individuals who “do it wrong” and some who do it differently, but ultimately, just like the forums and the reddit threads Shane and Ryan trawl in their past time, there are circles you learn not to veer into and terms you learn to blacklist/block/mute. With that being an indication of where they’re coming from as internet creators, I am confident when I say that, as long as it’s not being mailed to them, linked or quoted at them, they don’t care. They would know something that gets popular on the internet summons a brand of transformative art and fiction but much like they tend to ignore thirst tweets in their mentions or the repetitive requests for the same things over and over. They’d see it and gloss right over it. Shane is the type who writes long essays on reddit addressing the things that bother him, Ryan is weird and vocal and an oversharer sometimes when it comes to things Shaniacs say to him (i.e. that Voice he did for the occasional Shaniac who approaches him). It’s just one of the incarnations of fandom that they choose not to engage with, which, good? Because it’s a fan-specific activity. Once in a while you get a creator who wants to interact with fanfiction and it goes sideways because not all stories are written for them, much like not all fanart is made with the mindset to share with them. 

It’s just a regular old fan interaction and community habit that builds bigger followings. 

All in all, I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Unless you mean to be in their @’s all the time or link them on discord, or put any of your content in their hands, they are not going to see it. They don’t care. What they do care about is that you’re watching, that you support them and send them encouragement because they’re creating their own medium of content and a bigger following means more people get to see it and extract something positive from it.  

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Intermission 1 - Another Worthy Opponent

T/N: Hey there Kakuriyo fan-fams, how are you doing so far? Anyway, here's the first intermission of the volume, as an o-make/bonus for everyone, before this month ends. Thank you for noticing this blog, I appreciate it very much. I wouldn’t know if this has notes though, my tumblr app is basically non-functional anymore so I just get surprised when I login. Anyways, I hope you have fun reading.

As always, I mostly didn’t translate some of the names of the ayakashi/youkai, as well as the proper nouns because uhm... They’re basically nouns. It’s like how some translated manga are done. It’s my style, I guess. Links to references at the end of the post.

Also if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.

You can rave about this, rant about this, but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in.

As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.  OK, this intermission is a fun and light chapter. Not much food though. I want some pizza lol

P104 I, Ginji, the Young Master of Tenjin-ya whom it was entrusted to, with regards to the Autumn Festival activites at the end of October, have finally accepted the fact that I couldn't think of anything else to include in the programme and this time I don't know what to do anymore. Odanna-sama suddenly called for me, and I immediately went while I was in the middle of work. "Really, Ranmaru is coming to Tenjin-ya?" "Yes. It's because Aoi succeeded in the matters at Orio-ya, he's coming here to pay back with rewards. He just accepted Byakuya's unreasonable payment demand as it was. If Aoi hears about it, she'll surely be horrified. Regarding that payment." "Hee hee. Even now, Aoi hasn't realized the magnitude of her doing the ceremony in Orio-ya, hasn't she?" According to Odanna-sama, the fruits of Aoi-san's rewards, after covering the losses and deficits due to Tenjin-ya's prolonged break, there's still probably enough to deduct for Aoi-san's bonus commision. Naturally, it seems that the remainders will be alloted to repay the debts. "Wah, is that true?" After reading out the detailed particulars, it caused even me to unconsciously react. P105 Byakuya-san, how on earth were you able to negotiate such sums? No, it's not that but, as even I was involved in the ceremony at Orio-ya many times and I understood why, Aoi-san going there for us, the achievements of what remained to be done were enormous. Surely, Ranmaru seemed to be aware that the reward was reasonable. "By the way, Odanna-sama. Yesterday, how was your date with Aoi-san? Although called as such, it probably wasn't one." "It's not like that. Aoi was worshipped by the mountain's Kaku-zaru, we conspired with the extermination of bandits... The plans to make the fruits all around us to make a heartwarming date progressed into a disaster, but thankfully we were able to gain some information. Moreover, Aoi made cooking seem fun. We acquired ingredients from the mountain that we rarely have, it was delightful. Aoi's obsession for cooking is probably her greatest cure." "Ah, ahaha. That's Aoi for you. Anyhow, in any case, I'm relieved that you were safe." Odanna-sama just said, "Yes, I guess," and smiled so happily. Sighing, his smile just looked so youthful. I just suddenly thought it was. "Alright Ginji, your brother is arriving very soon. It's a rare opportunity to meet up with him, you’re gonna be with him." "Really, is that fine?" "You're too formal with Byakuya and I. When you're not around, it becomes deathly quiet."

P106

"Is... Is that so? I mean, yes, it is." Although Tenjin-ya and Orio-ya combined their strengths to get through difficulty, there's still a sense of tension. It's for this reason that there's still a business competition, anything that happens as a result of the rivalry, surely when imagining as such, it can lead to painful stories. No, but my worries are probably unnecessary. "Wahhhh! It's been a long time, Tenjin-ya! It's summer since we last came? Today we brought a lot of souvenir gifts-- Now where is Ojou-chan**? I want to have something to eat--" "Hattori, you're being too boisterous! Shut up--" "What the heck Ranmaru-- I just brought you here--" It seems that Hatori went along with Orio-ya's Ranmaru. Surely, due to their extreme inability to read the atmosphere, I wonder if they can fulfill their roles this time. Perhaps... Ranmaru has become like Odanna-sama, and probably doesn't like it when it gets quiet? "We appreciate you coming from so far a distance, respected Head of Orio-ya.** We welcome you." "Whaat. You're damn heartless to talk, Tenjin-ya's Master. But we want to immediately return the favor. For disturbing you lowlifes**, we apologize. Hey, Hatori." "Hey, hey" T/N: Hopefully, by this time it's easy to pinpoint out who's calling Aoi. If there's no honorrifics, it's Odanna-sama, or O-ryo. With -kun, it's Byakuya. With -san, it's Ginji, and everyone else lol Hatori calls her Miss=Ojou-chan yeah you probably get it now lol Yeah Ranmaru is technically not the master of Orio-ya's he's more or less the chief officer for operations, but he's still under Ougondouji-sama, the original founder of Tenjin-ya. Odanna-sama is more or less the chief executive officer or everything because Ougondouji-sama left Tenjin-ya in his care. Something like that. This part was explained in the anime too, before the start of the Orio-ya arc.

Also I didn’t choose to translate temee -  てめえ  for what it really is, I find it too harsh so I just went along with the more milder ones lolol Ranmaru is a potty mouth guys P107 Hatori-san pulled out his bag. It is totally wrapped in mystery, and our chief accountant Byakuya-san solemnly accepted it, and his sharp-sightedness was surely awakened by the contents. "Yes, it is good..." After that, the chief accountant and Odanna-sama, who do not exempt a lot of things other than this, stamped the magnificent receipt with Tenjin-ya's very important golden seal. "After this, we need to make a written report to Aoi-kun.  We also have to include her bonus commision with it." Byakuya-san's sour mood seemed to have lifted somehow. The large payment was deserved, and opening his fan, he leisurely looked up. "This is Aoi-san's first commision, isn't it? She'll be ecstatic--" Once she learns that the bonus has been given, she'll be very surprised. I could imagine her shocked face, and I could only laugh about it silently in my head. "Young-master, can you hand this over? That girl can finally embezzle a lot of ingredients--" "You can't say that.." Odanna-sama couldn't help but say it with a sarcastic laugh, and bizaarely showed it to Ranmaru and Hatori-san. The two looked at each other with a side-glance. P108 “Also, Tenjin-ya's Odanna-sama. Ougondouji-sama, did she came to Tenjin-ya sometime ago?" Ranmaru decided to cut off the conversation, and changed its direction. Odanna-sama immediately shook his head. "No... I wanted something returned to the girl, and I was thinking of getting in touch. I couldn't get the whereabouts of that person, that's why it wasn't easy." "Wanted something returned?" While sipping some of Tenjin-ya's tea, Hatori went "What could that be?" "The Tengu's Uchiwa Fan.** At present, that is Aoi's property, and Ougondouji-sama should bring it here." "Ah, that, yes, yes." It seemed that up until now, Hatori-san seemed to have forgotten about it, and asked Ranmaru about it with his gaze. His eyes read "Hey, what should I do?". Ranmaru kept quiet for a bit, and opened his mouth. "Ougondouji-sama, she said that she was going to the North-western Lands." "The North-western Lands?" Odanna-sama and Byakuya-san's facial expressions changed. The North-western Lands. It is also called the Land of Bun-mon, Scholarly Gates. In that knowledge gate metropolis, there are multitudes of academicians and doctors. Really, they send out so many civil officials, there are just so many politicians in charge of that place, even inside the Hachiyo's centers and nearby areas, that land is said to have strong political powers. T/N: OK, so this explains why Aoi didn't just use the uchiwa-fan to get rid of the bandits. The leafy fan wasn't returned yet. OK, so if you're wondering too, there you go. P109 "Likewise, that place hates anything-that-is-easy-to-understand." Byakuya-san nonchalantly said that in distaste. "Ahh. In Youto's imperial court, the political authority has swayed, it's under the territory of the Minister of the Right, Ieyasu. Anyhow, Ougondouji-sama traveling to the Northern Lands must be related to her calling out for something, but it doesn't seem likely that the Tanuki would easily get moved. She probably doesn't know how to handle that." Odanna-sama placed his hand on his jaw, and let out a long exhale. "It's connected to the Northern Lands. Two days ago, even I heard the stories of the people living the mountains of the Northern Lands. For a long time there, the Great Old Sage has been a go-between in ruling that region, but that person has been bedridden with an illness and no one has been elected to be the successor. It's because of that it seems, that the insurgent forces have increased." "That grandpa, he hasn't died yet?" Hatori's lack of reading the mood appropriately went out with just a few words, and Ranmaru stared at him sternly. Hatori just pretended to be ignorant by whistling.** "I daresay Ougondouji-sama went to the North-western Lands for the sake of resolving the chaotic situation in the north. There's also the issue of opening up a vacancy in the Hachiyo ranks. There's a chance for the aristocrats in the imperial court to increase their power and influence. Currently, owing to the Hachiyos' command, each of the eight districts's sovereignty were held together by each Hachiyo, but there have been calls to abolish the Hachiyo system, and the supremacy of the Central Government will become absolute, as more people will have to make the decisions." After Ranmaru finished talking, he huffed a bitter smile after thinking, and brushed up his hair. T/N: Hatori is such an adorable dumbass, srsly, I wanna be annoyed at him but he's a sweetheart inside, apart from flirting with anybody, I mean ANYBODY lololol Also Ranmaru is such a softie with Nobunaga, I just can't - gahaha you can't stop me you all P110 "Tenjin-ya's Odanna-sama, have you ever imagined that we will be talking together like this?" "Certainly. Surprisingly, your edges have been trimmed off and you're now softer**, Ranmaru." "Tch... Leave me alone!" "Gyahahahaha--" Hatori-san started laughing. After that even Odanna-sama did too, and the intense atmosphere was flipped over, and as everyone around started making playful faces, Byakuya-san cleared his throat and silently glared at Odanna-sama. Don't destroy your dignified attitude, was what I could read from his wordless plea. Even Odanna-sama considerably had a cold sweat vibe. "I give up, can we get over with the tiring conversation? If so, let's talk about more delightful things. Here's a joyous report from Orio-ya. As a matter of fact, our Young Master and Young Mistress have been engaged, somehow." "Really, aren't they Hideyoshi-san and Nene-san**?" Up until now my calmness levels have been fine, but because Hatori-san abruptly revealed an auspicious news from my old stomping grounds, I unconsciously reacted spite of myself. Hideyoshi-san is a goblin monkey Ayakashi, and his position in Orio-ya is Young Master. Nene-san is a fire rat Ayakashi, and is Orio-ya's Young Mistress. T/N: This literally was written like "your horns/corners have been taken out and you're now rounded" but again, probably a pun because maru=round and well, Ranmaru has MARU in it. Oh well. And yeah I ship fire rat girl and monkey boy lol canon shipping ftw P111 During the time we worked together in summer, I didn't feel that kind of atmosphere around them... I saw that Nene-san especially admired Ranmaru, but this awakening of one's love is probably an exceptional case. "But, isn't this development happening too fast?" I was stunned, in reality the time period that elapsed since the engagement happened was at most, two months. "That dumbass Hideyoshi is different, he's a late bloomer." "Whaa... But in your dreams you wouldn't say something like that to the dog you're raising, won't you Ranmaru?" While Ranmaru was smirking, the profound meaning in my words propped him up, and he thoughtlessly replied. "Nonetheless, I heard it from Nene-chan, who was the aggressive one!" "Really?!" What on earth is up with that two...? "That definitely happened, when the two went back to their hometown, during the break after the ceremony." "Oh well, since the beginning those two have been comrades in their old hometown, and having surpassed the ritual, likely they were drawn towards each other. But it was a good thing for Orio-ya.  If the connections between the managing staff gets stronger due to having more trust, then it's going to be more rock-solid." P112 Both Ranmaru and Hatori-san were receptive to the engagement of the two trustworthy management staff. Especially Ranmaru, his face may not show it but his speech and his demeanor shows that he's happy. Even I realized that. "Gahaha-- Well, I told Hideyoshi to mess about some more. But he seems earnest of only one way. Because he was raised in the countryside, he only knows that when you decide to get together with someone, then you get married. Even Nene-chan too, one way or another says that if it's Hideyoshi, then it's good. If it fits, then it must be suitable." "Not playing around is definitely the opposite of what you are, Hatori." "Geez, I think you're absolutely stabbing me. Leave me out of this, Odanna" Hatori-san just destroyed himself. But Odanna-sama was smiling, then he just dared to speak calmly. "Ah, I get that. From now on, it's wonderful that as employees they will be giving their best to gain happiness. But in Tenjin-ya's management staff, ever since Kikuno’s marriage, nobody has ever been married. Also, there's nobody who wants to...**" "..." Kikuno-san was Tenjin-ya's former Young Mistress, and was also doubtful about O-ryo being the current Young Mistress. It's a fact that ever since her marriage, there has been no other celebratory news from Tenjin-ya. Even hints, there's mostly nothing... Anyway, nobody was saying anything, and it got awfully quiet. "Speaking of someone, aren't you dumbasses instantly forgetting about that Shirou's granddaughter's marriage?" T/N: This is just funny AF, salty boi is salty lol but seriously if this ogre-boi just stopped messing around with Aoi maybe he's gonna be the next one to get hitched lololol well IDK what do you think y’all P113 ".. what?" Although Ranmaru pierced through and broke that silence, Odanna-sama's laughing face got frozen stiff. "If that was easy, shouldn't I be working this hard? But since I couldn't do just that, I am in trouble right now." Everyone in here went "ohhh..." and greatly understood what he meant. Guys, right now Aoi-san's thinking about that. It seems that the girl's personality and Odanna-sama's huge efforts can be easily understood in 10 minutes. "Ahahaha-- Odanna, you dumbass can't handle a young girl by yourself, that's an amusing story. It's hilarious--" "Well, that IS about Shirou's granddaughter. That Ojou-chan, no matter how often she falls, she just stands up again. Kakuriyo hasn't been more enlivened by that before." Ranmaru and Hatori-san kept hitting their knees as they laughed. Afterwards, for some time there was chatting about public news, as well as exchanging information about Kakuriyo's affairs, and apart from Orio-ya's payment contract, all sorts of souvenirs and presents were given out. Those were Orio-ya's pride, the famous products from the Southern Lands. Of course there was seafood, Kiseki beef that has a little fat and is famous with the ladies, mangoes that only grow in Kakuriyo's south, and other snacks like that. Lately there has been additional efforts in growing what is called an "avocado" and other fruits from Utsushiyo. P114 I think that with regards to Aoi-san, she'll be happy with these, but Odanna-sama and Byakuya-san seemed to be annoyed by it. "Lately, the topic of interest about Orio-ya is that your souvenirs and products have increased, and we're jealous." "Then Tenjin-ya has to quickly produce and release new products and souvenirs. People asking about old and ancient products are dwindling, you know. With regards to that aspect, Orio-ya has strength. Although we're still continuously on the road to improvement, it's because we're changing to become your worthy competitor." Byakuya-san whispered to me "Even if so..." "Young Master-dono, I have heard your plea that you haven't thought of what to prepare with regards to the Autumn Festival, have you formed any plans right now?" "About that, I think that what we usually have annually aren't interesting and fun. This year, we'll use agricultural produce of the Land of Ogre's gate, such as rice, sweet potato, and pumpkins**." "P... Pumpkins?" Odanna-sama's face became unusually disgusted. "About that.. Odanna-sama doesn't like the texture of pumpkins." "It's sweet, but can't you think of anything other than side dishes?" While we were seating together in the banquet, Odanna-sama, Byakuya-san and I were thinking about it a lot. T/N: Goodness Ginji, no wonder your catering business got whacked. I adore you but really... just hire Aoi in the creative department lol Also if she gets to make Odanna-sama eat pumpkin I really can't say so much about her now lol P115 There weren't any other things that he didn't like, and though Odanna-sama appears to be a flawless ogre, when there's boiled pumpkin I have seen that he casually places it on Byakuya-san's plate. "...Pumpkin, is it..?" "Ginji, why is your expression that of an evil fox's?" "It's not that, Odanna-sama. I just thought of something after a bit." "Ohhh, that's wonderful!" "Whooo.. Those are the words of our genius planning department manager, Young Master-dono. That is certainly going to be a fun plan!" What on earth, Odanna-sama and Byakuya-san were they hounding me for such a plan right after that. "That, uhm..." After the banquet we huddled in a circle and sneakily talked about the scheme. The three people in the management staff planned together in hushed voices, and silently laughed. Chiaki-san, the doorman in charge of footwears, after looking at the night scenery, went by and we must have made him say "Well, that's scary".

End of Intermission 1, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 3   Next - Chapter 4

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.