#like this has to culminate to Something
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can you draw Edwin doodling embarrassing shit like ‘Edwin Rowland’ or a little doodle of Charles’s face with hearts around it then Charles comes up behind him like what are you doing?
He had some very specific embarrassing doodles in mind
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#why is everything i draw lately angst-adjacent?#well i'm in a mood#edwin was thinking about simon and about charles and about their feelings#and things culminated on that simple doodle#charles has no context... yet#but if he knew#... oh what would he do if he knew?#feelings are complicated#i mean it's one thing to know one of the guys who killed his best friend had a little crush on him#and it's a whole different thing to know that edwin is somehow#comparing simon feelings for him to his own feelings for charles#because to charles edwin's feelings are something Good#simon's feelings though? charles would NOT approve#that's the kind of love that leads to... well#to a marriage like the one his parents had#but again#sad implications are to be ignored#unless....
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lowkey not a fan of the deku fast food employee jokes, they just don’t tickle my funny bone, but The Worst I saw was someone saying “lol what if he ends up a cop” like I’ll end it all istg
#personally I don’t see why he has to give up on his dreams and I don’t think that should happen at all#Idk something about his entire class going on without him makes me sick to my stomach#I feel like it just doesn’t make sense narratively ? For the culminating message to be yeah actually he couldn’t achieve his dreams lol#bnha
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i just thought of something about frostpaw’s design having a wolf motif and her huge autopsy scar - it reminds me of how in multiple fairy tales (particularly ittle red riding hood, like you mentioned in the design post), the wolves in those stories have their stomachs cut open. i just thought that was cool :3
I hadn't even considered that, but it makes it work even better. The fairytales don't even just have the wolf get their belly cut open-- they also get filled with stones and tossed in the river.
There's a clear image in my mind that when Frostpaw is put under the human tranquilizer, her mind falls backward and plunges her into liquid void. A dream takes hold, bubbles forming in the dark, her body cradled by clear water as far as she can perceive.
The unspoken knowledge of her dream tells her that she's in a raindrop, the river, the lake, and Riverstar Himself. The embodiment of water. And He is endless.
Her problems are washed away by the sheer vastness of his being, and she's just beginning to wrap her head around the marvel of it all when she opens her eyes in a den. Warm, comfortable, surrounded by hay.
The vision sloshes in her mind like dancing waves. She has a boiling desire to understand what it meant-- and the only thing that comes to mind is the Tribe of Rushing Water's philosophy that all things are connected by the river. That living by the Lake, fed by the southern delta, which rushes down from the mountain's waterfall, makes their cultures kin.
She decides to start there, and will go further south if need be. Thus begins Book 3 of BB!ASC, The Source of the River.
#I like the way that the fairytale vibes of certain designs Im thinking up for ASC feed into--#--the way this arc will probably shape up to be a moment where the fables of the past meet the reality of the present day#Something also gives me a warm feeling about the thought that this arc will have a culminating moment between Frost and Curl#The wolf in sheep's clothing and the big bad wolf#The cub who has come to learn that there's more to life than what her mother hunted for#The Love Was There. It Wasn't Enough. It's time to put away the past and step towards the future.#BB!ASC#Better Bones AU#BB!Frostdawn#BB!Frostpaw
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btw heres my garnet redesign
#steven universe#garnet#like srry her design has grown on me but i still yearn for something different you know....#someone pointed out that garnets new design doesnt feel like a culmination of her character its just like. the same thing but different#do you get what i mean.#so i want smth that feels more casual! relaxed! she no longer has all this pressure on her#shes showing off her components more shes embracing their differences ??!!? IDK#say nice things abt this#i already made a similar redesign a while ago but this one is better#my art
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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mashing together my two teenage years interests for dopamine
#johndirk#dirkjohn#homestuck#john egbert#dirk strider#my art#touhoustuck#just a funny little au because some of the parallels and ways character powers reflect eachother is fun#john is in no way as manipulative or a mastermind as yukari but his retcon powers are a very interesting vessel for yukaris gap powers#especially when his hand stuck out in a bunch of pages lol i like to imagine if he could master the powers it would let him do her teleport#around and spy nonsense but he'd just use it to be a class a prankster and for magic tricks#on the other hand yuyuko and dirk have an interesting parallel but one that is more like...the entire point is the culmination of#their characters despite the way they have these splinters. like yuyuko isnt nearly as fragmented as dirk but#theres a distinction between the yuyuko who was alive and the yuyuko whos dead and what she becomes after#its unclear if post PCB shes aware shes the one who sealed the saigyouji ayakashi away but she also just thinks its better for her#not to go down that rabbithole. she'd probably become worse if she did and with dirk he has that clarity with dave when they talk that like#even if there are worse versions of him out there. the fact he thinks and stops before proceeding separates him and i like to think that#is something he takes to heart with him post canon to stop beating himself up so much. umh also soul powers = ghost powers lalala#just silly and self indulgent tbh like im not extrapolating or translating backstories but in this au its fun to think o#humans turning into youkai like yukari used to be human and so did yuyuko. john and dirk used to be human and went godtier...anyways
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thinking about a no upside down au steddie fic where steve and eddie run into each other years after moving away from hawkins, and eddie remembers steve and his fall from grace as king, and is kind of intrigued to see what kind of person he is now
and steve doesn’t remember him at all at first, because, look, eddie changed his hair again, and steve’s had a few head injuries (no upside down but i imagine he still went thru some shit with the party and with robin), and he didn’t really think about eddie in high school anyway, and he’s trying to forget about hawkins as much as possible (besides the kiddos, but they’re all moved out for college now, anyway) (obviously he lives with robin)
but steve is different now, happier, more open, flirts with guys, flirts with EDDIE, and eddie….. well, he wants to know more! and he tells steve he knows him from hawkins, and steve’s sunny little smile flickers a little, but he just apologizes for not remembering him and mentions he has some memory problems
and they get to know each other, and eventually as eddie tells him more (and maybe with the help of some yearbooks) steve remembers eddie. and. well. they like getting to know each other. and they like each other. and then they get together
eventually they’ve been together for a while, and eddie thinks he wants to maybe introduce steve to wayne, and he mentions he’s going to go back to hawkins for a long weekend (as he’s done a couple times) and this time he’d like steve to join him
and again steve’s sunny smile flickers a bit, but he says he’d love to meet eddie’s uncle, and… they go to hawkins. and it goes well— meeting wayne, at least, but steve seems a little on edge the whole time they’re there, tense when they drive in, fidgety when they go to the grocery store, et cetera. eddie thinks maybe steve is nervous about staying with the man who raised eddie, which is ridiculous, because wayne LOVES steve.
it’s not til they leave the town altogether that steve relaxes, and eddie realizes it wasn’t “meeting the parents” but rather going back to hawkins. and speaking of meeting the parents, steve didn’t ever bring his own up, even though eddie knew they still lived in hawkins. and the way steve glanced around whenever they went in public, like he was scared of getting recognized
and he asks about it, and steve doesn’t really want to talk about it, but he gives eddie snippets of it. people he wanted to leave behind in hawkins, memories that resurfaced, things he wants to forget
eddie goes back to see wayne sometimes, and the first time he doesn’t know whether to ask steve to come, so he just mentions he’s thinking about going to hawkins for some weekend and steve immediately starts making plans with him as if the invite is implicit. they go back to hawkins several more times, steve still tense and pent up the whole time they’re there
over time steve reveals more and more to eddie. everything that made hawkins hell for him, from the things he himself did in high school to the things people did to him. stuff tommy and carol and billy said to him. some of it is just typical high school bullshit (and oh, the nancy thing.) some of it is the tragedies steve went through, the horrors he had to protect his kids from. the injuries he sustained. more generally the homophobia that permeated the whole town, keeping steve from being himself. the lack of support in the indiana public school system for a high school senior who’s had two concussions and gone through incredible trauma.
his parents. the reason why steve’s mail is addressed to ‘steve buckley’ now, not ‘steve harrington’.
(that doesn’t come out until much, much later, and eddie is kicking himself for ever suggesting steve come back to hawkins.)
eddie, who hardly had an easy time of it in hawkins, is absolutely blown away by what steve had gone through in the same town, right under his nose. the entire persona that steve was trying to leave behind — the cool as a cucumber, unaffected, douchey mask he wore to hide all that he had endured. the head injuries. the emotional tragedies he had gone through. the way he had to be the rock for the kids even as he went through the same things as them.
he tries to tell steve they never have to go back to hawkins again, and steve is having none of it. he tells steve wayne can come visit them in their new city, and steve thinks that’s completely unfair to the man who had raised eddie, seriously, you’re going to make him come all the way up here?
and well i don’t know exactly what the ending is but steve is so stubborn about trying to love hawkins because it was eddie’s home and he wants to be able to go see wayne because wayne deserves to see his kid and eddie deserves to see his uncle and steve doesn’t want to be the problem :(
#steddie#stranger things#this isn’t very fleshed out but just. hawkins as an incredibly scarring place for steve#something built up in his mind as a very dangerous place for him not just because of what happened there but who he had to be there#i think ultimately it would culminate in them going back to hawkins and running into steve’s parents when they least expect it#and steve gets to yell at them in public and tell them they suck and ruin their image and eddie is being his little guard dog next to him#baring his teeth#for the no upside down part of the au i think it would have to be like. nebulous tragedy of season 1 struck them#barb still died (sorry barb) so that his relationship with nancy falls apart. will and el are twins and they disappear the same night#steve knows the kids earlier in the timeline in this one and has already basically adopted them when will and el go missing#eddie was never the victim of a massive witch hunt but jason still harasses him during his third senior year and gets ppl to gang up on him#so he was never like Wanted by all of hawkins and can never return but he sure doesn’t feel welcome there besides w wayne#oh i also think it would be important that one of the trips steve snaps at eddie bc he’s so strung out and immediately regrets it#and takes it as proof that when in hawkins Steve Is A Bad Person and tries to explain this to eddie#eddie meanwhile is trying to convince steve that he’s not a bad person and that he was being mean because he’s completely stressed out#and he wouldn’t be so stressed out if he didn’t make himself come back to hawkins#anyway ultimately. steve realized hawkins is just a place where bad things happened. it is not a place that makes people (including himself)#bad. it’s just. a place. and steve did not grow and change for the better bc he got out of hawkins. he got better bc he put the effort in#god i just. love steve so much and the version of him in my mind is so much better developed than what the duffers are doing
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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I would love a scene in Spy x Family, post-reveal, where Anya gets kidnapped/is in danger and all the highly dangerous adults she's met and endeared herself to all team up to save her in a high-intensity, super satisfying series of fights all set to No Sleep 'til Brooklyn by the Beastie Boys
#highly unlikely i know - at least the beastie boys part is anyway#and i'm not just talking loid yor and yuri#bond's obviously there too#handler very clearly has a soft spot for her#hell i wouldn't be surprised if even fiona/nightfall comes around after she simmers down a little on her twilight crush#franky perfects his super suit just in time#hell as unlikely as it is maybe even the shopkeeper or mcmahon#obviously this would be like...a finale scene#something that only comes after relationships with these characters are all well-established#but just imagine it: outside some sketchy laboratory some guard just looks through the front gate and quits on the spot#and his coworkers are all confused until they see who's walking slowly toward the gate#culminating with anya being rescued by her weird and wonderful murder family#spy x family
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right? yknow?? you see what i mean??? am i making sense????
#murder drones#murder drones spoilers#kill six billion demons#ksbd#k6bd#...murder six billion drones?#something something making the split-second decision to eat the funny hivemindgirl out of sheer impulse to protect those you love#(it's more thematic for allison but it's a lot funnier for uzi)#for one of them it's the culmination of the themes of the work-#the path to divinity is a continuous cutting motion‚ reach heaven through violence‚ yadda yadda#''if you wanted the rat to live you should've cut down your classmate on the spot'' or however the quote goes#for the other it's. she likes cannibalism and nightcore! so she has a nightcore AMV fight then eats her opponent!
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#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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Omg what DOES Aaravi do as a monster slayer?
the short answer is that it varies with how much of my own stuff im willing to bring in, im afraid
mostly im waffling back and forth on this point right now because if i was a little closer to monster prom canon i might be able to have more fun with it and include a wider variety of situations and it wouldnt be such a downer as it would be in the other case...
mostly, the thing that monster slayers are in the redesign universe is a hate group, plain and simple. a particularly violent and nasty one too, at that - they're focused primarily out of human-majority societies and cultures that have much smaller minorities of other sophonts and/or that contact with those sophonts is new and recent, hence why there's such a strong sorting between "humans" and "monsters". "monsters" isn't a real category in any sense of the word, it's just a social marker for an out-group that is seen as particularly dangerous and frightening and, thus, "not normal". this is also why it doesn't really specify between monsters that are sophonts and monsters that are just normal animals...
primarily this hate group arose out of existing environmental/hunting groups, semi similar to things like forest rangers, and has even common ancestry with witches (or, one of the definitions of "witch"... witch can refer to a human with some innate workable magic, witch can refer to anyone who works with/studies magic as a job, or witch can refer to a supernatural concept/creature which is basically just the trope we have of the witch, as any malignant supernatural person who uses that supernatural prowess for evil. this is different from magic, because magic in this universe is just... another Thing That Exists, not necessarily any different from, say, engineering as a job or study, and belief in the impossible and supernatural is of course going to exist unrelated to that).
as in, there's a fairly universal need in most communities to be able to manage magic somehow. usually there's wildlife or plants that have their own innate pools of workable magic, and those need to be treated and handled differently as a different form of danger in the world, or there's magical aquifers locally, which means that all of that magic is just available as free energy to be used by anyone who has the chance to grab it, and if workable pools of magic aren't regularly maintained to recycle the magic that makes it up, then it can build up wild magic and tends to explode particularly dangerously... so you need someone who has learned how to deal with all of that, and so you get the origins of witches, and the origins of other people specializing to deal in magic and magic-heavy things, and from that you get people specialized in hunting or otherwise managing animals that utilize magic in their biology in some way.
(which, to be fair, nearly everything on this alternate earth is, in some way. magic really is just... free energy for anyone who can grab a little of it, and most life will be able to at least do a little bit of that. humans are a prime example, since even non-innate magic users will still hold and maintain very small pools of magic internally, utilized primarily for metabolism and to offer a slight boost to the immune system and other such things. this is even what souls and ghosts are - just the pools of magic inside of a person that can get shaken loose through particularly traumatic events, although the systems that lead to ghosts are poorly understood (and also different from a soul, the animating supernatural concept... theres a lot of confusing terminology in this universe, and i do that on purpose). it's just that species that either live in or around magical aquifers or are uniquely adapted for it that are magic specialists, where it makes up a much larger part of their biology, and who cannot live without that magic. a human without magic might just be slightly immunocompromised, a demon without magic is dead!)
this is where you get monster slayers, though. because they were a specific movement within this larger group of people who focus on magical life, where they particularly focused on the danger posed by magic specialist wildlife during a time when nonhuman sophonts were being introduced to and "challenging" the dominant culture where they came from, and ended up connecting the two. it's a purposefully very messy grouping without a lot in common other than this specific group targeting them, and their primary goals might be similar to creating and enforcing a human-only community devoid of large, dangerous wildlife around that area that could possibly injure someone. the fact that this also ends up targeting a lot of disabled humans (vampires, zombies, etc, they're just humans who have a specific magic-derived "virus". there's very few benefits to this, it really is just a disability) isn't seen as a problem either in their eyes, mostly because they're also often stereotyped as being dangerous or endangering other people by their sheer presence, so they get sorted in with the other targeted groups as well.
there's also a lot of people and things that we have in real life that would get labelled "monsters" in this specific line of belief, even if i haven't gone into that as much, mostly because i worry that people will think that because i'm writing aaravi as sympathetic that i'm supporting her beliefs or the beliefs of monster slayers too - or that, again, i'm still just in the awkward middle ground where i'm not sure how much i want to go into this and REALLY kill the mood.
(also, because it does kind of miff me when people write fantasy settings but provide some kind of distinction between real wildlife and fantasy monsters in a way that shouldn't actually exist in that fiction. lions and tigers and bears should be considered just as dangerous and frightening as any speculative creatures you put in your work, especially when there's not any one unique feature that tidily separates the world into "animals" and "wildlife". hell this is even what i try to get at with my merfolk, since they really aren't any different from humans, as just another naturally formed sapient animal species.)
and, to be clear, i WANT this to be upsetting. it shouldn't be something comfortable or easy to talk about, let alone witness. it's something that also has to be seen and judged and understood in order to understand aaravi herself, just as much as how you can't understand miranda unless you understand what it actually means for her to be a genocidal monarch who expresses ultimate control over anyone who happens to be under her and is willing to do anything to maintain control in the groups of her equals. for both of them, they're supposed to equally be representative of those who suffer by and under the system they are a part of (aaravi is not allowed to leave the monster slayers even if she wanted to, her being discovered as half-human would mean her potentially being targeted and killed and her family potentially also targeted for association, having her entire self worth tied to her ability to lose her own personhood and perpetuate violence that no one else is capable of or wants to do, or else be blamed as the reason why innocent people get hurt and killed), while also actively perpetuating it (both have a vitriolic hatred of anyone who either "can't do their job correctly" or "isn't hard enough to withstand the pressures of their job", aaravi especially targets and is quick to punish other slayers to try and cover her also being "part monster", she upholds and feels incredibly defensive over her family name and how great her family was at being slayers, she hunts and kills a lot of other people just for them not being human that makes them even more guarded and scared of humans and more likely to retaliate in order to try and keep themselves safe, which also means its harder for anyone else to stop being a monster slayer because even more taboo gets connected to them or being one).
a prime example is actually her grandma, who is still around. aaravi's from a line of monster slayers, which is to say her family was already in this hate group, they were born into it, and aaravi was just the latest in the long line of it all. her mom did work on trying to get out, did meet aaravi's dad and left to where no one else in the group knew where she was, where she could try to start anew and they wouldn't be able to find her, to have a family with someone who she had been taught to view as nothing but dangerous and frightening and not someone to be trusted... and then he turned out to be a garden variety asshole who just... left. never really was very interested in aaravi or salil, got bored with aaravi's mom once she tried settling down after getting out, didn't really do much to support her in trying to remake her life from a brand new foundation, and just left one day without a note or saying anything or anything at all, really.
all of which served as mundane trauma that pushed aaravi's mom back into the monster slayers even harder. it just confirmed a lot of old beliefs that she had burned into her mind after not really helping her to undo or confront them, and she had very little else left to go back to, and she had two kids now that if anyone else learned were the result of her having a tyst with a monster would get hurt and killed as much as she would, serving as a representation of the mistake that had just been confirmed in her mind as such.
it's why it came down on salil so much harder than aaravi, and why aaravi looking so nearly human is so important for the way the story functions. aaravi got pushed harder and harder to both try and make up for her mother's mistake, pushed to become another monster slayer and pushed even harder to be a GOOD one that would be great enough to make up for all that her mother had done while still living up to the legacy that her mom could only think of herself as having ruined, to shove all her monster parts into a deep dark little box that she would never tell anyone else about, who was told over and over how dangerous it was and what would happen if this got out. but salil... salil is much more obviously inhuman, much more obviously something that she can't hide or obscure, and so salil kind of...
well, already their mom was reverting hard onto "all monsters are dangerous and cannot be trusted and NONE of them are EVER going to be good, only lie about it to hurt you even worse", and there was a lot harder... fear, from her, that he picked up on. really, both of them picked up on it, and still aaravi doesn't know and is terrified of the possibility that their mom was scared of them, or thought that they would hurt her, or even outright hated them for being monsters. and because salil was much more obvious about it, a lot more got targeted and felt by salil, a lot more their mom tried a lot less with him, a lot more she just tried to hide him in the house and not tell anyone about him or that he existed. its why when he ran away one night, it was very easy for her to come to the conclusion that he had been found and killed by monsters, and it was very easy for that belief to be passed onto aaravi.
it's also why aaravi's grandma has such a... particular situation. she was also such a prominent monster slayer within that community and group for so long, and so many of the leaders within the community think back fondly of her, but its this very same reason that she can't talk about the amount of doubt she's also felt about it, the mounting regrets and guilt that has built up, the knowledge of what happened to her daughter and to her grandkids, and the knowledge that she can't really DO anything to help it either, even AS someone who holds such an esteemed position and even BECAUSE of it. she's effectively just built up more and more distance from the community over time, isolated herself more and more from these old friends of hers, gone quietly silent in her old age, but its also why shes never been able to fully shake it, and why that connection STILL exists and shes STILL expected to uphold it when it does. she's older than she used to be, more vulnerable, and she has a granddaughter who doesn't have a mom or a dad anymore to look after her, who is at least part of what monster slayers want to exterminate, and there's a lot at stake here that she just can't make herself risk.
so, yeah... i hope this provides a little bit of clarity as to what aaravi in the full redesign verse being a monster hunter MEANS and what she does, because it's not... very pretty, really.
if i write it, i'll likely end up focusing more on the animal side of it, least of all because i can't see aaravi taking miranda on a hunt for a person, but also because it adds in more layers of aaravi feeling disingenuous and doubting herself. she feels like she's lying to miranda, making it more palatable, more acceptable, than it really is, not showing her the full thing and letting herself be judged as is, but also aaravi is ABSOLUTELY not prepared for that conversation and doesn't know how to breach the subject of "i'm basically a serial killer for hire" with miranda, and is equally as scared by the thought of what if miranda actually DOESN'T have a problem with that and doesn't react. but it's also just close enough to still hit that uncomfortable realm with aaravi, just close enough to killing a person that she keeps seeing herself in the eyes of the wildlife, doesn't know which end of the gun she's more scared of being on and doesn't know how to handle any of it.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#asks#fishyfishyfishtimes#monster prom#ITS........ ROUGH. ITS A ROUGH TIME IN THERE.#again the alternative is also. just to write it more like canon.#include more buffyesque vampires i suppose where killing them is more of a part of the genre#but idk. i just. really love fucked up situations and complicated Everything.#people are messy and ugly and i like it when you have to just hold both#''this character is sympathetic'' with ''this character has done something unforgivable''#or i guess. ''this character has done something unforgivable'' and ''this character has had unforgivable things done to them''#i really do think miravi works best if you view it as. okay. what happens after youve done something awful.#how do you come to terms with your own trauma and the trauma you have caused.#how do you make it out after being both victim and victimizer.#aka. why them just easing into a simple mundane happy life is the good ending for them.#why them having a kid who they love so much and can provide a good childhood to and be supportive and adoring for#is their ultimate happy ending and the culmination of all their. gestures. Themes.#theyre so happy just to be known as some slightly embarrassing very loving moms. if thats all then theyve done great.
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sorry I’m just actually sick to death of being told I’m intimidating . I know it’s scary when a woman talks without apologizing for herself constantly but maybe uhhhhh grow up!!!
#I’m not Scary on purpose literally I don’t fucking. growl at people#I don’t glare at them or be mean#can I be condescending? sure. it’s something I’m working on.#but how is it that I get demonized for this and straight men get way with it fucking constantly. and it’s an accepted and sometimes beloved#part of them#if one more fucking person tells me I’m intimidating bc I speak clearly and ask questions I’m going to lose my fucking mind#star’s thoughts#sorry this is a culmination of a bunch of shit lol#just bc I’m not scared of you doesn’t mean you need to be scared of me 😭😭😭😭😭 pleaseeee#part of me is thinking I’ve just been experiencing like intense lesbophobia or smthn at this point bc what the fuck#do I do that offends people off the bat.#but then I remember how I Am and rumors are true I border on the line of arrogance I dance on the showboat I flirt harshly with confidence#I think I have an issue where people have to earn my respect in conversation#and that is rightfully intimidating. probably some kind of protective tactic#I command it but also I demand you Show Up upfront and I can see how that’s like. anxiety inducing#I’m shifting to try and offer that respect upfront instead and hopefully that’ll make people feel less on edge#this has been like. a mini diary. sorry lol
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foams at the mouth from the thought of briar valley soldier!silver
#NO LIKE#the CONCEPT#general vanrouge raising up this seemingly abandoned human child that he found in one of the kingdoms they've bested#they have a much more reserved relationship; silver privately calls him father but publicly always refers to him as general vanrouge#lilia isn't as carefree and lighthearted OBVIOUSLY which shows in silver's upbringing to literally be a soldier from day one#the sheer betrayal of the other kingdoms they fight against when they realize that one of their own kin has sided with the fae#and is besting their armies#please him being called the general's shadow or something#and of course this needs to culminate in him getting captured and lilia having to confront his feelings of attachment#and buried love for the boy who was only ever meant to be a tool#AHHHHHHHHH#ok ok bedtime<3
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Ooku is so close to having something cool to say about gender but the second i think they might do it they curve me and have the unwell crossdressing lady's happy ending be becoming traditionally feminine and submissive to her husband who became assertive and traditionally masculine.
#the jury is still out but. im skeptical#im on ep 5 and for the last few eps the focus has been a kind of effeminate monk getting like. force masced to be a breeer for the shogun#who is a girl forced to take on her fathers name and masculine role. then raped and impregnated at 14#then the baby dies and shes back to being masc. she doesnt even have a name bc her sole role is to be her father until she can birth an heir#which is very thematically juicy!!! and she is abusive in the exact same ways you'd expect of a patriarchal ruler!#and then she forces ex-monk guy whose been mascing up to dress as a woman for her amusement#which then culminates in him draping her in women's clothing and embracing her#which is very thematically loaded!!#and had me very hopeful! but then he's shitless and built after a timeskip doing very traditionally masculine shit#and visiting the shogun who now wears womens clothing and constantly asking him if she's displeasing him#which like. there's 5 episodes left they could do something with this. its clear the lady shogun is still fucked in the head#and her grandma who did all the identity stripping and treating ppl like broodstock is still bitching that she's not pregnant#but will they stick the landing??? idk if i trust the writers man#also just on a petty personal note they ruined my insane masc blorbo. shes not killing ppl anymore >:(#im gonna continue watching tomorrow but my hopes are low#might have to rewatch utena after this#cant believe i forreal thought Ooku was gonna do some “escaping the cycle of patriarchal violence and gender” with a het couple#in my defense they have a great setup for it 😔#who knows maybe ill be surprised
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nobody let me come up with ideas for romcoms
#Romcom where the main conflict is the MC has a secret abt themselves that they would have to tell love interest if they were to date#(Secret not ever stated…it’s a metaphor for whatever you want it to be. To me it’s being trans yknow)#And they spend a lot of time together n mc is scared of being rejected cuz it’s happened in the past (a lot)#And they have to address are we going out as friends still or is there something more yknow#Ah….thats the romcom part of it anyway#It culminates in a confession ofc#There’s very specific intro and outro sequences to the movie however that make this such a horrible idea#But idk if anyone wants to know….guys#Like do I say??? Do I not???? If I do make it will it ruin the surprise??? Idk this is like full length movie (maybe) so it probably won’t#Be made (by me at least) ever….#This idea is very special to me idk if anyone wants to hear my intro and outro sequences#S.K thinks#S.K makes a romcom with a twist#Idk if it’s actually a romcom or smth else it follows that plot line for 90% of it the other ten takes up about like. Five to ten minutes
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