#like theyre completely disconnected from me

[skcirthinq]

Continuing to clean up my files, I've come across some sketches I did for @pickledcarrotsandradish 's Reverse Order fic, which is.

Uh.

The future timeline, but what if the death orders of the turtles was reversed. And I, like a fool! Like an absolute dumbass! Was like, " oh I've read plenty of fics where I've seen each and every of the characters die. I'll be fine!"

I was not fine!

So like! Spoilers!

But, uh. I am in shambles.

I highly recommend op's other Rise fics; they're all very good!

And this next sketch isn't really based on any fic, but loosely inspired by the above mentioned fic, and a few others, making brain go:

"huh, I wonder what kinda krang designs the other boys would have?"

Fucked up!

[variouspositions1984]

realised recently i will not be able to convert for. well. i dont know when. but not right now. im somewhat at peace with it but i'm also furious. devastated. lots of other shit.

[savefrog]

how to explain to people that while we DO need to desperately dismantle AI’s capitalism-driven rise to prominence in many professional areas especially art because of how it will be used to replace artists in exchange for cheap content and on the back of uncredited artists that came before, and how things can be said about supporting the ai platforms that enable this

that simultaneously using Dall-E mini or Bing or whatever once to make a cat at some nebulous point is not like. It is not like. He did not just shoot an artist point blank out in an alleyway 😭

[potatochip-oc-dump]

I'm working on ref sheets for all the characters I don't draw too often :] Here's Rosie!!

[gibbearish]

ive always had issues with the term "terminally online" mostly because of how it swiftly devolved to just mean "anyone online i disagree with", however recently it did finally click for me when someone messaged me about my aaron bushnell posts and ended it with "yeah idk i just think it would've done more good for him to stay alive and donate to esims for gaza" bc i just. like. where do you even start with that. like that to me is an opinion that cannot come from anywhere other than having your entire frame of reference for activism and the united states military be gathered online. you really think someone who thought they had to /kill themselves/ to avoid /active contributions to genocide/ would've done more good just. keeping their head down and doing what they were told and throwing a spare couple dollars at the esims fund? do you think you know more about the harm he was helping do than he did, that you can speculate on how best to outweigh it? do you think if "donate to esims" was actually a more productive option he wouldnt have picked that before SELF IMMOLATION???? and like ive since blocked that person because of some other issues but. it took quite literally everything in me not to say anything about it in the moment

[lymooniee]

I just can't believe I had the most stupidest argument, got called pretentious for just explaining my side in an organized way. Like shit my bad for taking something seriously and literally because it's important to me but a joke and stupid to you, I wasn't even trying to make a competition or anything out of it like bro what???

[stemmmm]

something that legitimately did not click with me until last night. after being an active reader of dungeon meshi SINCE THIS EVENT HAPPENED... is when thistle finds falin and is like "dragon, what the fuck happened to you?" that is not them being weirdly stupid or disconnected from reality, that is not them being completely delusional to assume a grown woman is a dragon. the only context thistle had is some dipshit adventurers killed the dragon and now they found this girlie who followed their summons. no idea that the dragon ate someone, ABSOLUTELY no idea that someone could have been able to use ancient magic to do anything about it-- and why would they, that shits impossible as far as anyone is aware. like it sounds particularly stupid typing this out but genuinely for years I was under the impression that thistle was just that delusional. no theyre remarkably sane! that's a very normal reaction actually! if I heard my dog was hit by a car and when I went to find it, there was some girl there, I would also be like what the fuck happened

[milfygerard]

Lots of her peers are on their first divorces and some of them even have kids and Taylor seemingly hasn't done that in her journey to world domination and I think people are selectively forgetting that in wishing her marry this man she's only known for a year and a half. Even if it is happening I think it's kinda gross how a lot of so called fans of The Taylor Swift don't consider her truly successful until she's wedded, or at least engaged. Gross gross gross gross gross.

this whole thing goes into a neat phenomenon ive rambled about in many a mutuals tags which is taylors tightrope walk of gender performance. This ties some ways into gaylor and ndlor but i find taylors sort of cartoonish understanding of femininity and her attempts and failure to adhere to it such a fascinating undercurrent to her career. The fact that theres a massive amount of lesbian rumors around her and there have been for most of her career by itself regardless of the rumors credibility says something about how people look at her as a woman. She sort of obsessively curates her looks to conform with whatever current idea of feminine beauty is popular at any given moment but is also someone who just exudes this sot of full body awkwardness and desperate energy that kind of undermines her attempts at complete conformity. She is popular insofar as when everyone decides that they like her, and despite seeming to know fucking everybody she seems like a lonely and solitary person who writes about feeling disconnected and cut off socially (tangent about envy of her lovers in her music goes here). She has never been "cool" except for the moment from like 2013 to late 2015 where being uncool and awkward and kind of socially inept WAS cool and she rode that fucking high to the moon until it crashed and shattered into a million pieces and nearly killed her. Her being such a social target no matter her popularity or trendiness or how much she tries to conform to others is something that clearly kills her and something she still hasnt really deconstructed even as shes tried to several times through her art. That sort of confusion and alienation is actually a part of her art that ive always deeply connected with as someone whose gone most of my life without even a self diagnosis and never knew what was "wrong" with me or what made people seemingly impusively target me as someone who could be ridiculed without pushback and seemed to be constantly breaking silent rules.

This response has gone kind of extremely off topic and out of control and barely relates to your ask sorry its the vodka iced tea running thru my system. I do agree theres a massive amount of misogynistic pressure on taylor to properly perform and recreate gender norms as expected, its a massive part of the fervor surrounding travlor specifically bc theyre the complete encapsulation of white american heterosexuality and people desperately want taylor to finally fold herself completely into that world of conformity even if what they like about taylor is her inability to conform.

[psiionic]

i have been non stop thinking about schizophrenic latula again. of course i could always repeat the same things i always say, latuda is a mood stablizer and it doesn't make sense that a pyrope would become anxious out of nowhere because their family line never implies that pyropes ever have a "shy" phase and are entirely more likely to fall down the line of obsession and depression and spiralling over minor things. but i was talking to my friend about the alternian economic system and we came to the realization that alternia is likely a much more scripted planet than we initially assumed, since it's essentially a planet that focuses on pumping out child soldiers i believe that their economic system is almost completely falsified by the HIC and higher powers, each caste is set up with a projected job, a certain amount of money, a specific living situation and lusus to groom them into the perfect position they'll take as an adult once exiled from the planet and gaining their title. ive already spoken about how i believe that the beforan trolls are all essentially encouraged to pick a persona to "brand" themselves as in a show of personal expression that is expected of them by the government, but it got me thinking about how these two things interact with eachother. flarping is such a popular game on alternia specifically because all the kids are, essentially, larping as their projected adult counterparts until they leave planet. thats why there doesn't seem to be any ACTUAL job structure, the janitors are all kids pretending to be janitors until they leave planet, and highbloods commission people with their government allotted money, which funds the economy as well. there are mentions that if you don't "play your role right" you'll be culled and its because they figured out a system to learn who is willing to play the right role and who isnt BEFORE they have the power to actually harm the empire, which is NOT ON THE PLANET. drones kill anyone who steps out of line and its called culling because theyre still little kids. its like taking out the "bad actors" in a play, they arent needed, itll stall the progress of the machine. all of the characters essentially have a pre-determined role and persona they can fall into, and if they refuse to play along or start to look at the fact that theyre in a roleplaying game for too long they'll be culled.

anyways. this leads me to believe that because beforus is a planet without the exiling system, that means it's likely a system where no one ever stops playing "pretend." due to there being no expansion, the only thing that matters is appearance. It doesn't exactly matter how good you are at something, culling doesn't need to mean killing, it just means you lose your right on how to present yourself. You were clearly unable to play your part because you were too dumb or too pitiable and need someone else to ensure youre able to be presentable as the persona they choose for you.

this leads me back to latula. i believe that as a knight of mind, latula likely was able to see right through the pretend games that they were all playing extremely fast, but due to a knights innate questioning of themselves and their own thoughts, she was likely easily convinced that the problem was not the system but HER actually, for scrutinizing the system. calling people fake or invalid or implying they aren't what they actually are i'd imagine is a very strong offense in a society exclusively centered around always wearing masks. i also feel like this is exactly why all of the dancestors show that they are deeply disconnected from who they truly are, with mituna being the only one who couldn't keep up appearance and therefor had to have his autonomy stripped not just by beforus but by the narrative itself, disconnecting him from who he used to be by force. latula likely takes medication not for social anxiety but because she quite literally ruminates too much, i can see her being anxious in a paranoid and pointed way specifically at forces that be, especially considering how mind players act, but i cannot for the life of me ever see latula being the shy socially anxious fluttershy type i constantly see (or at least SAW) her be portrayed as. while this doesn't specifically point to schizophrenia, due to what latuda actually treats, it's my favorite headcanon to apply to her.

[desire-mona]

things abt dps i feel like we dont address enough (photos attached will be shit quality, i took screenshots from yt clips LMAO)

heavily ib @pencileraser1's post abt stuff he noticed n such

the fucking KIDS at welton. the CHILDREN. maybe its just me but i always find myself forgetting that welton isnt a highschool + there are in fact a lot more students than the ones we're focusing on. thats what makes welton so like. evil? to me? they start pushing these kids into a box EARLY.

related, i wouldve LOVED to see how(/if?) keating taught these kids, or rly any other class! he has other classes!!! i think!

ok. of course. neil is a smoker, we've touched on that. but charlie is too?? and he's the one who provides the cigs???? obviously the easy explanation is that he does it to be rebellious and stuff but also Is There Something Else. much to think abt. also wondering where he gets his cigs but thats not rly anything i dont think.

this ones just funny but when mr perry tells the boys they can take a seat and todd simply does not. i KNOW he wasnt sitting before and he needs to unpack and stuff but ITS STILL FUNNY.

"take your seats boys"

"🧍"

also my guilty pleasure is the dps but its todd being anxious video bc man usually crack videos arent my jam but unfortunately i find it so funny

also!!! neil calling his dad sir. obviously its something so glaringly obvious that we dont need to have a discussion abt how theres a disconnect between them. like wow rly thanks mona i didnt know. but come on!!! it makes me sad!!! also they shake hands later in this scene and its the most affectionate/ friendly we see these two get. and its a handshake. and i think what makes it worse is that neil is a SUPER physically affectionate person with his friends. if u watch the movie and pay attention to how often he's touching someone else then ur gonna be like man. he rly was jumping at every opportunity huh.

something about the way neil and the boys act around mr perry makes me view him as more of a drill sargent than anything. everyone immediately stands upon him entering the room. they dont sit until given permission. it rly puts the whole military school thing into perspective but NOT ENOUGH TO SATISFY ME. as much as i hate mr perry, i wanna know what his life was like growing up. this man lived thru the great depression AND wwii, theres stories.

cam's stupid fucking face when keatings behind him larping ghosts. i will never stop talking about how sassy this kid is. the dps redheads go criminally unacknowledged in terms of comedy because OH MY GOD. CAM AND MEEKS WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY??? they both pulled the most dastardly judgemental looks and they make me cackle. a bit earlier in this scene meeks goes full 🙄🤨 on sniffles (tissue kid. i call him sniffles) and it is, without exaggeration, my fav part of the movie.

the fact that i totally thought knox was gonna fall off his bike and eat shit in this scene. it would be so out of place since dps isn't exactly full of physical comedy but GOD i still fully anticipated it. either that or him getting attacked by a bird. theres totally symbolism surrounding birds in this movie btw and idk what to make of it. if any of u lovely ppl have a theory then lmk immediately.

keating so accurately calling cam out being like "is this right is this right. am i walking right." BC YESSS. i will eventually make a fully fledged cam post but to briefly touch on it, i find cam to be very confused on what is right, usually in terms of morals. a whole situation of confusing your personal values with the rules, thinking theyre one in the same, and completely abandoning what u actually believe. unfortunately i think neils death rly amplified that nd is what led him to tattle. cuz cam is still willing to break the rules in the beginning of the movie!! he's outwardly judgemental but he still does it!! much to discuss, i promise i will eventually.

keatings face after todd yawps!!! theres not much to say here he is just so proud!!! sweet little moment!!!! keatpostin!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

u guys know im an avid knox hater but this made me giggle. rip knox overstreet u wouldve loved twitch streaming.

THE SPECIFICS OF THIS SHOT. i was gonna make a post a while ago being like "idk i find it funny that the main focus of this shot isnt even one of the poets" and then i realised that WAITTTTTTT THATS THE POINT!!!! keating reached kids besides the poets!!! u didnt have to be in the dead poets society to be affected by the way he taught his classes!!! u just had to be his student!!!!! also i love the fact that the kids who stayed seated r ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED.

the ending shot. oihghgghgg. it was SUCH a choice to set it up this way and honestly i adore peter for making it. this shot is SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO LOOK AT and i love it. when i first watched this i was like "uhm ok interesting choice putting todd between this kids legs but I GET IT. one of the biggest things i remember from the film classes i took is that the way u set up shots is sooo important narratively, and one way to rly push the narrative is the space around a character in a shot. for example! if u have a character on screen surrounded by a TON of negative space then it rly emphasises how alone/ isolated they are. on the other end of the spectrum (the todd spectrum), if you surround a character in a shot with other objects or obstructions, like todd and this kids legs, then it rly emphasises how trapped and confined they are. looking at this makes me feel like. claustrophobic almost, like it's genuinely a bit harder to breathe looking at it. TODD IS STILL TRAPPED IN THAT SCHOOL. YES HE STOOD ON THE DESK AND YES HE NOW HAS THE MOTIVATION TO BE MORE CONFIDENT BC OF NEIL BUT HE! IS STILL! TRAPPED THERE!

more on todd since im on a roll here.

i was also gonna add that we dont rly talk about todd personality wise outside of poetry and anxiety but then i realised, what else is there? we dont really see much about him as a person outside of that, and i think thats the point! todd is constantly overshadowed by his brother, we know that, but i dont think we realise HOW MUCH that ties in with his entire character. quite honestly, outside of poetry and anxiety, ALL we have surrounding todd is his brother and his achievements. and of course! that makes sense! his parents want him to be just like his brother, they dont care about who he is as a person. UGH.

the desk set scene rly is the most insight we'll get into todds actual personality and desires imo, and thats what kills me. he wants a car!!!! get this boy a car!!!!!!!!! we rly see him start to open up before neils death and i wouldve LOVED to get to know todd when he's actually in a place to be himself!! but of course we never got that! sobs.

anywho. thats all i have for now. PLEASE share ur thoughts if u have any pls pls pls. encouraging discussion!! i love love love hearing about the specifics nd stuff, theres soooo much to pick apart abt this movie so i wanna hear everyones thoughts.

[rat-rosemary]

In case people are wondering how close drantis are sometimes to dsmpblr and dreblr:

That cgeorge art people are reblogging? He dangly one with the caption of they want to make it a keychain if there's enough interest?In the tags of the original post they say they hate abd "do not endorse" ccGeorge LMAO.

I feel you on the "dont vet blogs" thing because like throwback to the 2nd great twitter exodus and i had people all up in my asks because I reblogged rivals art that crossed my dash and apparently OP shipped a ship twitter did NAWT like. Like. Ok. First off I saw Rivals Duo on my dash. So I reblogged Rivals Duo on my dash. Second, thats my friend (didnt you scroll and vet my blog anon? 🤨). Third, even if they werent, why do i have to scroll someones blog for 10 minutes to make sure theyre Kosher to reblog from when im just trying to look at art on my 10min break at work THATS STUPID. Fourth if youre from twitter and trying to control what tumblr does instead of adapting to tumblr i think you should fail at an attempt to crosd a busy road

Augh :[

Yeah okay so maybe there are a lot mores sucky people then what I realized :[

Even then I feel people can have odd standards for what you should veto as well

Like, for the anon who accused me of being a dranti I should be checking the blogs I interact with, but me shipping Quackity and Dream was completely fine (funniest asks ever btw, I hope that anon is doing well)

For someone else I should not be following or reblogging art from people who ship dreamnoblade (which is, in my opinion, the most obvious post-pandora ship along with Drunz. Like. The chocolate ice-cream of dsmp ships)

Even if you tried you couldn't make your blog safe for everyone, and you shouldn't try!

But yeah, people who got used to the high control environment of twt can have a hard time disconnecting from those expectations and habits, but I think most of them need time and space

[mcytegg]

i am actually thinking so much abt ro and how like. he is actually quite alone this season, all things considered. i mean he DOES have the sticklers but when do they ever login as a team even? when was the last time ro was able to login when jumper and/or rek were online as well?

jumper and rek never forget to keep him in mind when it comes to giving him space in a new base or making sure he has things he needs like elytras and such, but how much does any of that mean if they never see each other? his last interaction w either of them in the server was MONTHS ago iirc, when rek was doing the sand glitch.

it doesnt even seem like they communicate all that often either bc neither jumper or rek knew ro logged in for the big fight at all, and ro told both mape and derap his plans for the video hes working on but not his own team? and like he told mapicc MONTHS ago— its a silly invis challenge, its not like hes doing anything crazy like he did in s4, yet jumper and rek were completely unaware even though its been smt hes been working on since before he went almost completely IA

like idk maybe this is how teams, or teams w ro, usually work and i just am not aware bc i only started being a LS fan in s6 but i just find the way the sticklers work very interesting bc although i dont doubt jumper cares for ro a great deal since theyre each others day 1, it almost feels like rek and jumper are teammates while ro is like a stray cat they feed who occasionally stops by for food in the middle of the night before disappearing for weeks on end again LOL

ooc wise obviously theyre all busy people irl so i dont blame the ccs in the slightest but within the lore ive been thinking a lot abt how their team works ever since that one BRIEF interaction where zam laughs abt the possibility of ro not staying loyal to his team, and mapicc replies asking where his team even is, even though jumper and rek login much more than ro does cause like yeah. yeah. the last time they were even all together as a TEAM was WEEK 2 OF THE SERVER.

and like OUTSIDE of the sticklers, ro has very little going for him as well due to him being too busy irl to login regularly like obviously derap seems to like him well enough but that was bc he wanted to join the sticklers, and mapicc already has the empire and zam. so like who does he even have at that point? LOL

there wasnt really a point or purpose behind this post besides me wanting to organize my thoughts abt ro and how disconnected he feels from the sticklers, and the rest of the server tbh. so yeah LOL.

[platoapproved]

As a lesbian to a lesbian. Do you ever feel like youre missing a MAJOR point of the iwtv characters? Dont get me wrong im DEF obsessed with them and love them dearly. But the other day i saw a picture pf sam reid with short hair and was like “ah!! Scary!! What did they do to my boy!! I cant look at him like That” and then. I realized that hes actually probably very conveniently attractive like that?? AND AND AND like when everyone is just obsessed with these characters im like “oh hell yeah theyre pretty!! What interesting character design i cant look away! Wait wdym you wanna WHAT TO THAT MAN” like i just FORGET so often and i think my experience is fundamentally different from some peoples lmao

In the nicest way possible dear anon - can't relate to this at all! I am another person whose experience is fundamentally different to yours, even though we are both lesbians 😂 Life's a rich tapestry and all that.

For me, when I am engaging with fiction - whether it's a TV show or novel or anything - a HUGE part of the joy is fully leaving behind my own mind and identity and experience of the world. Simply put, there is no 'I' for me when I am watching IWTV or thinking about it or engaging with the fandom. It's completely disconnected from me as a human being and my experiences in the real world and the real life relationships I choose to seek out. Which is great! Because I love getting a break from those things and plunging head-first into something different and moving and narratively compelling.

So no, I don't really feel like I'm missing anything at all!

I would in fact easily and gleefully categorize myself as one of the 'everyone' who is 'just obsessed with these characters'! And I don't see that as incompatible with being a lesbian at all!

I LOVE when my mutuals, however they identify, tag gifsets/pics/whatever of IWTV men with things so filthy they could strip paint from a wall. I love that tumblr is a place where people can gleefully share their unhinged horny thoughts about fictional dudes and it makes me so happy seeing people expressing themselves in that way. There is no 'what do you mean' for me! I'm over here like, "yeah? tell me more! 😏"

The idea that any of this would be unavailable to me because I am a lesbian is very strange to me, and honestly a little sad. It seems limiting to me. It's one thing to just not enjoy / connect with something, but... idk. 🤷‍♀️

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i dont know how to articulate this correctly but... sometimes i think about how saiki is so mentally disconnected and isolated from other people, and his powers make it feel impossible to understand them, esp because he hasnt had any faith in humanity since he was a kid (hes also so autistic but shh he probably doesnt know yet)

and so he truly doesnt understand the nuances and complexity of love+friendship+relationships etc... so imagine how confused he could get during times where his relationships get deeper/more complicated

examples ?? (warning for very brief sa+abuse+suicidal thoughts mention in the second one) -

accidentally making one of his friends mad and hearing their thoughts, which are purely from frustration and anger in the moment, about hating and not wanting to be around him.. makes him think they genuinely dont want to be as friend at all anymore, so ONE argument makes him think hes ruined his friendship with them forever and he doesnt think to just apologize, immediately shutting down and just "going away" instead because he thinks thats actually what they want

not understanding why people feel sympathy for him when he talks about tragic things in/about his life, especially when he even dulls it down as to not reveal his powers, (ie: his brother literally trying to murder, humiliate, and borderline sa him OR having one or multiple bullying incidents in elementary school that caused him to lose all his friends and change schools OR saying that the only reason he decidedly hasnt offed himself yet is cuz itd make his mom sad) and mentioning those things a little too casually, then thinking people are trying to pity him and telling the people who are just trying to help to shut the fuck up ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

^a specific but not quite as angsty one, offhandedly mentioning once that he had a big crush on a guy from another class but he helped set them up with someone else even though it upset him, because he just wanted to see him happy and he never had a chance anyway (bro was def straight too) and his friends being like ...hey thats really sad im sorry you felt like that :(( and him being like ?? whats sad about that. hes happy, and its not like im completely devastated or anything. shut the fuck up.

teruhashi getting over her crush on him and no longer seeking him out as often, and he's immediately upset and confused because now he thinks that she ONLY cared about him when she thought she was going to get something more than friendship from it so he doesnt believe she ever saw him as a true friend..

(similar to the first one, slightly different situation) getting into an argument with one of the friends he sees every single day and still expecting them to at least BE there the next day, and when they arent because theyre avoiding him, his first thought isnt "i should seek them out and apologize" its "wow it was so easy for them to just let go of me, i clearly have formed a dependency and feel like i need them more than they need me. especially now that i know they dont feel the same, i should sever that attachment."

SO YEAH anyway, he genuinely does not believe that he has anyone he can trust enough to actually talk through this stuff with+doesn't even think its that bad so he just sits and tries to feel numb at the bottom of the ocean or on the moon haha what a guy...

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

How do u see zan n susie

yay yuri time ^_^

ive already yapped abt how i see them in my actual hcs (susies got some weird multifaceted crush that consists of multiple things like "shes so cool <3" "i can save her." "shes kinda sad to watch n its charming" "looked good trying to kill me" "huge cunt.this is a positive.", zan thinks of her as her least least favorite acquaintance) n i believe ive yapped before of why i think putting them together is appealing (similar core concept of "the best servant for their boss" (actually their dad), completely opposite character depths of "susie has what r called STANDARDS n took haltmanns shit behavior into her own hands.zan partizanne got sacrificed n got absolutely no red flags from that bc shes indoctrinated n codependent but also stupid(/aff joke))

so ship dynamic wise.i think theyre cute.they hold hands while throwing rocks at ppl for their own amusement n feed each others egos.i think susie ultimately has little concept of intimacy n attachment bc shes a v disconnected person from The Horrors so she exaggerates w how much affection she shows bc she doesnt know whats the "normal" level ones supposed to show, n shes also overprotective in a way? bc the one relationship she did have her whole life not only went to shit but haltmann died badly leaving her w zero till turns out kirby wasnt just letting her leave forever.so like dont want that happening again.zan in the meantime has horrid attachment problems n an odd craving for reassurance n attention (cant imagine who gave her those!) so susies kinda spammy behavior actually feels rly good for her ? n zans naturally VERY affectionate when she does get attached to ppl so thats also giving back.again the best way i can define this is "theyre matching each others mental illness symptoms in such a way this becomes perfectly functional".weird fucks.do not separate.

basically would they win codependent yuri awards.yes.but the only toxic awards theyre winning is towards everybody else bc good lord taranza hasnt known a day of peace since they got together.

[chrliekclly]

This may be a dumb question and I’m gonna guess the answer is no because you run a fandom account lol, but does working behind the scenes of Sunny ruin the “magic” of it? I hope this makes sense lol

iv sort of answered this b4 but n a way i think it truly REVIVED the magic for me

if i worked on seasons from the iasip golden era id probs feel differently, and i lamented many many times over the years that i thought i could never work on sunny without ruining it for myself, but w th way th cards fell, i was already kind of on my way out of my hyperfixation on sunny by th time i got th job

i didnt love s13 and then s14 was v much like the final nail n th coffin nd my enjoyment rly faltered there, some stuff i liked but by n large i was like 'ok sunnys kind of over for me.'

before s13 it was more 'i love this season, except for 1 or 2 episodes" and after it became "i dont like this season, except for 1 or 2 episodes"

then, out of the blue getting to work on s15, even tho its still not one of my fave seasons, brought my love back in a completely new way. being able to interact with the cast and crew is magical on its own, and theres a level of pride that cuts through i guess? like 'yeah i remember this day. this day was hard. and now theres an entire episode out! and people liked it!'

theres also a disconnect with what i see happen at work and what actually airs. there are moments, sure, where i suddenly realize i know whats going to happen, but by and large im just as surprised as anyone else by the direction they take the editing. i also like to avoid reading the scripts we get and just let myself be confused. i truly still get to see episodes for the first time like you guys and i still get excited to find out wtf theyr about to do, its not unlike piecing together things seen in promos

like idk, @ th end of the day, everyone is just so nice, and ive met some of my literal favorite people on this earth on that job, and seeing the care and love that goes into what they're doing is an unmatched experience of my life and made me rly appreciate the show even more. rcg and the rest of the cast have all been so welcoming to me, and i love my camera team and th whole crew so much and cant believe how well we get on....im incredibly lucky