#like they are all such terrible influences on each other to the degree that all of them are having the best time

[remyfire]

Thought too hard about BJ/Peg/Hawk/Trapper/Louise and almost blacked out. I should have put them in the rare ship nom when I had the chance!!! I'm POSSESSED and COMPELLED!!!!

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

With the franchise continuing to grow in popularity, I thought I'd give a rundown for new fans of the earliest fist-fighting, bike-riding lone hero Kamen Riders that they might not be too familiar with compared to the modern shows.

Kamen Rider #1

Made with specific intentions in mind about the nature of violence in humanity, the first Kamen Rider often struggled with a distancing of sorts from his humanity that his superpowers gave him; focusing most frequently on the terrible harm he was now able to visit upon his opponents. Conceptualized as the lone hero with these powers, the bug-themed #1 didn't have a 'secondary rider' of sorts to help him out; instead being assisted most frequently by a professional officer who also acted as his liaison with the police. Another well-liked supporting cast member was an older 'uncle' figure who let the main hero stay at his shop. At the conclusion of the series, Rider 1 decided to leave Japan to journey abroad. Kamen Rider #1's show was very popular with children to the degree that, while not intended, it naturally spawned an indirect sequel series and eventually a whole slew of shows that continues to this day.

Kamen Rider #2

While Kamen Rider #1 was not conceived as having any successors, events behind the scenes incited the production of a replacement hero in Kamen Rider #2 who would take over from #1 over the next year. Very similar in design and origins to his predecessor with the same bug design basis and often mixed up with him, this new Kamen Rider was a quirky jokester type of character compared to the typical 'hero' type kids could look up to that #1 was; and often confounded his supporting cast with all the strange things he'd say and do. Rather than dwell on his personal tragedy of what he'd lost, #2 as a character preferred to focus on his own personal hobbies and interests; only going out to battle the enemies when called. #2 notably marked the introduction of a teamup of multiple Kamen Riders at once, though he fought with derivations of #1's suit rather than the original. While not as well remembered as the original Kamen Rider, #2 still laid the groundwork for many elements that the franchise stays true to today.

Kamen Rider V3

As the first departure from #1 and #2's basic setting and storytelling with a very different design, Kamen Rider V3 obviously had some big shoes to fill -- but almost instantly he was a hit, easily becoming one of the most popular Kamen Rider series of his era. While previously glimpsed with #2's occasional scuffles, V3 notably was the first Kamen Rider series to have fellow Kamen Riders fighting with each other; not out of misunderstanding, but out of genuine moral conflict. While some of this would be resolved, multiple Kamen Riders end up dying in this season, and arguably this rivalry is what most influences the typical Main Rider/Secondary Rider relationships to this day.

Riderman

While many Riders feature their transformation belt magically appear out of nowhere, the fourth Kamen Rider notably had a more 'realistic' transformation that required the hero to physically put on his gear. Arguably weaker than many other Kamen Riders due to having a limited powerset derived from now-outdated science, Riderman in his series was characterized largely by a distrust of everyone around him due to his coloured past; naturally leading to many of the show's most memorable character conflicts and fights. This Kamen Rider has an interesting relationship with death, with the ending of the show and post-series media seemingly unable to decide if he's alive or not.

Kamen Rider X

Plagued by rewrites and completely different directions in the first and second half of the show, the first Kamen Rider to constantly carry his weapon with him has nonetheless remained quite popular with fans of the era; in no small part due to the tantalizing relationship he has with a black and red rival he makes early on. While the show would eventually move on from this element, X as a character is informed by the tragedy of losing his father and the hero complex this event forced upon him.

Kamen Rider Amazon

A very sharp change in direction from the more technological Riders that came before him, Amazon in many respects does not feel like part of the Kamen Rider series as much as it does an original series very much doing its own thing -- and one that has garnered its own small fanbase. Amazon featured multiple forested fights and pit the main hero against animalistic beasts rather than what you might expect from a usual Tokusatsu monster. Amazon is frequently followed around by a young boy fascinated by the new world of possibilities the hero has introduced him to, and the relationship between Amazon and this boy is one of the highlights of the series.

Kamen Rider Stronger

This red rhinoceros beetle Rider is a cult favourite among fans for its infectiously confident main hero who makes speeches about the heavens as he charms his way out of just about any situation. This series brought the classic theming back in a big way, with all the main heroes being based on a different type of bug. This series may surprise modern Kamen Rider fans for Stronger only having a single upgrade form, not even having a single other one between his base form and final. Unfortunately, this series failed to be the jab-in-the-arm of popularity the producers wanted it to be; with the Super Sentai series that same year arguably overshadowing it.

(inspired by this twitter thread)

[sugurufic]

What are your thoughts on the reader and teen nanami attending an improv comedy show…

Oh this is so interesting! I am not funny, like at all, so please don't judge my terrible jokes T^T as always, its not proofread

Nanami, Haibara and you had a lot of fun planned for the weekend, but Haibara had to return home to his family. His sister had gotten a bad fever and he was worried sick about her.

So you and Nanami still went about the plans, going to the mall for some shopping and to the city center to eat, and then return to your respective dorms. The two of you hadn't hung out much without Haibara, his absence weighing you down. With Haibara it was easy to ignore how Nanami's presence made you feel, but now it was practically impossible, with him walking beside you in the mall, dressed in normie clothes.

"Hey ma'am, hey sir!" an attendant at the mall greeted you cheerfully. "We have a free of cost improv comedy session going on, would you care to join us?"

You have always loved improv comedy, watching videos on the internet, but you've never seen one in person. Besides, how bad could it get? It's not like you were wasting any money this way.

"Nanami, can we go, please?" you plead, batting your eyelashes at the blond man, who doesn't even argue.

"Thank you for joining us!" the attendant yells behind you.

"I really hope that it doesn't turn out to be a waste of time," Nanami says as you sit beside him. The room still has some empty seats, but it's a great news that there are people to see a new comedian.

"I don't think it will be," you say, scooting a little closer to him as the air conditioning sent a shiver under your skin.

The empty seats fill up quickly, and the lights are dimmed, waiting for the comedian to take the stage. You are unfamiliar with the man who comes on the stage, viewing his audience with a smile on his face. "Hey everyone! Thank you for being here. You really are helping me convince my parents that maybe I can pull this comedy thing off," He starts of with a jolly voice. "You know, after I wasted four years of my life on an engineering degree."

You chuckle, having heard something similar from plenty of comedians. the man looks over his audience, eyes flickering to a stop to someone on the other end of the room. "Oh, I have a young crowd with me. I really hope you don't get influenced by me. it's not my fault if your mum slaps you with a slipper for not wanting to go to college."

"How old even are you?" he asks the same person. "That young! Now I will feel guilty about making the jokes I had planned." The man shakes his head. "Anyways, you know I am not entirely upset that i did college. I now have more things to make jokes about. Anyone who did CS and now everyone is suddenly asking them to fix computers?"

A surprising number of people raise their hands, and you chuckle once again. Nanami fixes his bangs beside you, trying to hide his rolling eyes. But you know him too well to know what he's doing.

"My parents forbade from speaking to the opposite gender all throughout school. And now that I'm an engineer by degree, they want me to get married." He sighs. "You are too young to understand this. How many of you have partners?" a good number of people raised their hands. "And how many of parent's know?" most hands went down.

The comedian's eyes fall on the pair of you and he asks Nanami, "Hey, blond guy! Is that pretty lady your girlfriend?"

Your face heats up and you can barely look at Nanami, who has gone pink. "N-No," he manages to say.

"Your face tells me otherwise," the comedian laughs. "For those of you who cannot see, Mr. Blond Guy has turned red. The lady seems flustered too. You two did come together, right? Or did I just embarrass two strangers sitting next to each other."

"We go to the same school," You manage to say, despite your flustered state. "And we're friends."

"Miss, maybe you should ask blond guy. He seems very shy." the comedian chuckles.

"I don't think I'm her type," Nanami mumbles in a small voice, and you give him the biggest side eye you have ever given to anyone.

"Judging by the lady's reaction, I'd say you are wrong, buddy." the man laughs. "See people, please tell your friends I helped set up a relationship. If any of your friends need a wingman, please join me on my next shows."

When you leave the mall, you walk together in silence, not even getting the courage to look at him. But you bite down your fears and say, "What gave you the impression that you aren't my type?" You still don't look at him, but your hands are in front of you, trying to grasp the air. "Because then I'd have to fix that. You are exactly my type."

Oh no, you think. You may have spoken to much. "Please ignore what I just said if you don't like me back."

"I do," Nanami softy says, and you whip you head towards him, seeing a rare smile on his face. His cheeks are still dusted a light shade of pink and he looks so cute you could kiss him. "I never thought you could like me like that."

"OH you blind man," you sigh, intertwining your fingers when his hand reaches for yours. "Let's just do this again later, okay?"

"Okay," Nanami says, the smile not leaving his face.

[kitchensinkchronicles]

general idea

i've been thinking about getting back into making youtube videos, and usually i just make videos about whatever topic i want to talk about that week, and i plan on continuing that, but seeing as my phannieism is at an all-time high and i just graduated with a degree in being an over-analyzing bitch, i was thinking i could take a crack at how all my lovely mutuals on here will write legit essays about dnp but do it in video form because that's how i express myself best.

anyway, i plan on my next one being me going over what i REALLY think terrible influence is gonna be based off of what they've been building up to lately, and what i think they're laying the groundwork for.

if you'd like to discuss this with me, please do so! my ask box is always open and we can also message each other here. i want to go about this as scientifically as i can about such a non-serious topic. reading way too much into things that most people don't care about is my specialty, anyway.

ask away!

[cosmicmatter]

The Influence of Parts on Each Other

Regardless of the degree to which parts are or are not aware of each other, they do influence each other. Any part may intrude on and influence the experience of the part that is functioning in daily life without taking full control of functioning, an experience referred to as passive influence (Kluft, 1987) or partial intrusion (Dell, 2002). In the previous chapter we discussed briefly some of these intrusion symptoms. You can be influenced by other parts in your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, perceptions, urges, or behaviors. For example, while in a store, people with a dissociative disorder may hear an inner voice that says, “Get out, get out, it’s not safe in here! You have to go home!” even though they know that nothing is wrong. This is more than a wish, but rather a desperate inner voice that comes from another part of the personality that may be visualized as a terrified young child.

Perhaps such individuals might also hear or sense other inner voices that tell the child part to shut up or that complain about how stupid they are to go shopping because they do not need anything. Such people may then feel confused, ashamed, and afraid of what is happening inside themselves and might feel a sense of impending doom, as though something terrible is about to happen. And all the while, they remain aware that they are simply in a store where everyone else is going about their business quite normally.

In addition, they may hear or sense interactions among several inner parts so they feel like a bystander to a conversation or argument in which they are not included. These intrusions have a different quality than the normal distress some people without a dissociative disorder may experience in a crowded store (“This store is crowded and I am eager to finish and leave”). Instead, it is as though a person with a dissociative disorder has (at least) two completely different minds that do not understand each other or are conversing about completely different topics. These intrusions may seem so bizarre or alien that you might have worried that you are insane, but this is not the case. Even though you may not fully understand yet, other parts of you have their own agendas, their own perceptions, thoughts, feelings, wishes, needs, and so forth for good reasons.

Your challenge is to learn about and accept them without judgment, even if you do not agree with them. Only from that point of understanding can you make changes that support all parts in working together more smoothly

Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation

[pawpunkao3]

My personal ranking of how hard the lords in black slap (in my opinion)

1. Blinky

We only got one NMT with him but MAN was it fucking TIGHT. Blinky has such a clear and coherent theme (watching) which gives him a degree of predictability, but it's tempered by the fact that that theme has so many different offshoots. Blinky's power manifests in spectacle, capitalist surveillance, paranoia about relationships and the resulting controlling behavior that comes from that, sexual threats, false selves, and each of those themes could have easily been a whole episode alone, but instead they were woven together so well! There's clearly so much to explore with him. Also the fact that he's based on the concept of an audience that prefers its characters interesting more than happy is. Well it could have been stupid but it WASN'T okay it WASN'T

2. Pokey

Man I'm a sucker for a hivemind. His biggest draw for me is, well, the implications. Pokey pulls off the "seems goofy, is actually horrifying" better than the other lords in black in my opinion, and not just because he was the first, but because his mere presence subverts the whole medium TGWDLM was made in, reframing ordinarily harmless scenes as horror. The loss of self is a very human fear to play on, and opens up the potential for so much delicious tragedy.

3. Wiggly

Coherent theme of greed. I like that he manifested more subtly than Pokey-- rather than taking people over, he preyed on urges they already had and redirected them to himself. (The fact that he was going to be summoned ruined that a little for me, but not terribly.) I also liked the stress that Wiggly didn't have to do a ton of work because of the fact that humans already fucked up their world. Made in America SLAPS man.

4. Nibbly

I mean, you can't go wrong with a hunger themed monster. Nibbly had a bit of the multifaceted theming Blinky did with physical hunger and a strong "hunger" or desire to win, but the fact that he was kept as a late reveal meant that couldn't be explored as much. Overall, Nibbly didn't seem to have a strong corrupting influence or even a will or desire to conquer humans-- Roman was the real villain, Nibbly just helped.

5. Tinky

What even is this guy's deal? Yes, I know that he's "the bastard of time and space" but what does that mean? Why do we only see him interacting with time and not space? His persona has some karmic aspects, since his one victim was revealed to have caused all his own problems with time travel, but it's not emphasized enough to make it a coherent theme. It seems like his main thing is being obsessed with a terrible man, which nearly every tumblrina manages without magic powers. I would still like to see him expanded on though.

[enhypencores]

Enhypen Sunghoon X Y/N

Genre: romance/angst/fluff

Synopsis: you knew your boyfriend, Heeseung, had some terrible friends who were a bad influence, but the one you trusted was Park Sunghoon. You thought Heeseung loved you, but one football match rocked your world and left you devastated. If Heeseung could cheat, what was holding you back?

Warning: profanity, sexual content, making out and cheating. I would recommend minors don’t interact.

You thought your eyes betrayed you as Heesung’s tall figure approached the cheerleaders’ stand. As his gaze raked down one of the blonde cheerleaders, he flirtatiously ran fingers through his messy undercut. He winked at her, setting off a frenzy amongst the crowd. The girl cheered his name louder, returning his advances with a smile. His friends circled him and cheered ceremoniously with proud smirks as if their friend had conquered the world. All of them except for one, standing at a distance, his eyes on you.

Somehow Sunghoon was the only friend who remembered Heesung was taken.

Sunghoon watched you with a scorned expression, his lips tightly pressed together. His gaze flicked between Heesung and yours before settling on you. His eyes pinned you down as if asking you why you were still seated, cheering for a man who openly acted single. You looked away, ignoring his menacing gaze because you didn’t know the answer to his questions.

Heesung was your first boyfriend. You were a transfer student whom your senior boyfriend had welcomed with open arms. It started with friendly teasing and melded into flirtatious banter. Initially, you only liked him as a friend and ignored his efforts to be something more, but as his advances grew bolder, your curiosity got the best of you. You decided to date him three months ago.

Heesung was sweet, lively and fun. The first month was special. He took you on date nights almost every weekend and spent most of his evenings cooped up beside you in the library. Then you both got busy with midterms. He strained with a biotech degree whilst you worked on your psychology research paper. In the meantime, you started studying with Sunghoon at the library as you two shared the same course. You grew familiar with Sunghoon through Heesung when he introduced you both at a birthday party. All of Heesung’s friends had made you feel uncomfortable because they reeked of bad influence.

All except Sunghoon.

The moment you met him, you felt like you could trust him. His eyes were pure and mouth reserved. He didn’t crack stupid jokes about the unfortunate ‘taken’ label or bring up Heesung’s past exes. He kept to himself, which initially made you believe he was antisocial; however, god were you wrong. Sunghoon is perfectly social with his people.

You found out one night when Sunghoon and you overslept in Heesung’s dorm. Your boyfriend was out of town for a cousin’s wedding when Sunghoon needed notes for an extra credit course. Since you had a duplicate key to his dorm, Heesung asked you for a favour.

Searching for the notes in his drawer, you came across the Tekken game cover and reminisced about the time you played it with your siblings. Sunghoon suddenly forgot all about the notes, his eyes wide with fascination as he challenged you to play a round. You couldn’t reject.

There wasn’t just one round. A few competitive rounds later, you were calling each other names as your rivalry grew intense, and at some point, he was defeatedly smashing the console against the floor. You saw colourful sides of him that night. Both of you had ended up late to the morning lecture.

The blaring whistle pulled you out of your reminiscences. You looked back at the field: Heesung was in his position as a defender. Your eyes unintentionally wavered, looking for Sunghoon, the captain. You spotted him, rubbing the back of his neck as sweat trickled down his black strands. He shook his head lightly and yelled for a teammate to pass him the ball.

Half-time was over, and the game restarted.

You lost focus as soon as it began. Your eyes followed the tall captain in his red jersey; his armband was strikingly obvious as he led from the front. His muscular feet toyed with the ball and drawled it onwards, past an opposing player. Sunghoon’s hair flipped back as he ran like the wind, his body flexing like a rubber string as he defended the ball, directing it towards a teammate before the opposing member stole the chance.

Realisation dawned upon you. You screwed your eyes shut in frustration. Even if Heesung was acting up, it was wrong to stare and salivate over his best friend. You felt small, watching the match and staring at another man. You wanted to disappear.

You cradled your bag and grabbed the water bottle you had gotten for Heesung, ready to leave.

All of a sudden, gasps filled the venue as the referee’s high-pitched whistle blared across the field. You jerked up, caught off guard and inspected the source of discussion.

You were up on your feet instantly, jaw dropping as you witnessed the scene: Heesung was on the ground, his face scrunched up in pain as he held onto his right joint. The referee held up a yellow card for the perpetrator standing at arm’s length: Park Sunghoon.

“Did you see that? It was deliberate!” Someone yelled, and your body grew cold.

“Aren’t they best friends?” A male snickered beside you.

“This is Sunghoon’s first yellow card as the captain,” Another added, and your blood pressure seemed to rise.

You felt your body jump into action, running towards the field, eyes trained on the two as you hoped Heesung wasn’t injured too badly. The closer you got, the more your heart sank. Sunghoon stood by with a tightened jaw, eyes bleak like impending doom. You hurriedly knelt before Heesung, inspecting the wound.

It was bad. The skin was torn, and a pink layer was exposed with remnants of bloodied flesh dripping down his knee. It looked like the fall and friction had almost spiked his tendons.

“Babe, it’s okay. I’m okay.” Heesung interrupted, his words heavy as he noticed the concern dripping down your eyes. You shook your head, edging closer and touched the lower half of his bent knee.

“Can you stand?” You asked. He chuckled, but it sounded more like a pained moan.

“Of course,” he claimed like the over-ambitious man he was. You leaned forward, placing his arm around your shoulder as you attempted to get up.

Sunghoon stood against the bleachers, his gaze pinned on the two of you with a taut jaw as he fiddled with his water bottle. The stare made you squeamish.

Heesung groaned, breaking the trance, and you noticed the visible agony on his features. His knees almost met the floor when suddenly the head of health department reached forward, grabbing onto Heesung’s waist, supporting his weight.

“It’s alright. We’ll take it from here,” he comforted, and you hesitantly let go. Heesung spared you a tight lipped smile before limping out with assistance.

As the back of your boyfriend disappeared behind the door, your eyes immediately shot towards the culprit. You scrutinised his face, but he decided to play the game of ignorance. Head thrown back, he downed an entire litre of water like a fuming engine, restraining the urge to explode.

He then returned your stare with the same level of intensity.

The whistle blew once again after a substitute joined. The game commenced as if nothing had ever happened. You stood on the sidelines, your eyes trained on that one man who wouldn’t leave your head for the past couple of weeks.

You felt confused. He continued the game like really nothing had happened. There was no remorse or distress, instead, his fierce gaze gave you a feeling that he was proud. You could hear the chitter-chatter and gossip from the stands, so you decided it was better to leave.

With a final glance at Sunghoon, who was driving the opponents up a wall, you exited the premises to go find Heesung.

The university was currently retouching some of the aged walls, so you were hit with the overpowering scent of fresh paint as you headed towards the infirmary. It made you feel nervous and lightheaded.

You knocked on the door, but there was no answer. You pushed the door wide, surveying the room. No one was there, so you backtracked. Your ears perked up when you heard soft moans from the far left. You felt sick imagining the amount of pain Heesung was enduring to be making such sounds.

You impatiently walked up to the bed and spotted him from the gap in the curtains. You were about to pull it aside when you noticed another person present.

Your hands froze, face dropping like your heart.

It was the blonde cheerleader from the stands, sprawled on top of your boyfriend’s lap. Her hands were in his hair, and his mouth was on hers. His knee was bandaged, and she was fisting his shirt off as they kissed like starved animals. The moans were not of agony like you had believed; they were sounds of pleasure and excitement. Turning away, you knew the image would haunt you for weeks as your lunch rose to your throat.

You hurried out of the room. Wobbly legs carried you down the hallway as the overbearing smell of paint rushed your stomach’s contents up to your mouth. Fortunately, you made it to the restroom in time and emptied your insides till you were a gasping mess, holding onto the walls and sobbing uncontrollably.

Lee Heesung betrayed your trust. All the unimportant memories rushed forth like warning bells. He had been ignoring your feelings and spending more time in his “study groups”. Who knew how long he had been cheating?

Another memory rushed back. A week ago, Sunghoon brought up your relationship, and it caught you off guard because Sunghoon never pried into your love life. You felt uneasy answering, but before you had the chance, Sunghoon retracted.

“Actually, I don’t wanna know. Just don’t get hurt.”

You stood up, rubbing a hand over your face. You exited the bathroom stall and repeatedly washed your face with cold water. The mirror saw a corpse with untidy hair and an unappealing smile.

You let him hurt you.

You spent a long time, emptying your heart in the washroom. By the time you finally exited, the football match was over. Players were heading to the locker room. You lowered your head as you walked down the hallway, praying none of Heesung’s friends spotted you. Especially Sunghoon.

Roars of celebration echoed in the building, and you wondered if it was Sunghoon’s team that ended up winning. You would know if you just looked around, but you were too exhausted.

You were near the door to the lounge when suddenly someone grabbed onto your wrist. You turned hesitantly.

Sunghoon stood in his drenched jersey, holding onto your hand with an irons grip. Beads of sweat trailed down his forehead, swimming to his neck and dissolving into his jersey. You ignored his gaze, so he wouldn’t notice your puffy eyes.

“We need to talk,” he claimed, his words breathy and concerned as his hold on your wrist tightened.

“I’m tired. Let’s talk tomorrow.” You dismissed his attempt.

“No, we need to talk today. Wait for me,” he pleaded, but you stubbornly shook your head.

“Sunghoon, not today,” you lashed out, your tone cruel as you wrenched your hand from his grasp and turned to leave.

“Y/n. Please.” Despite your harsh behaviour, he maintained a gentle tone, jumping forward to block your path.

You quickly looked down, inwardly begging him to leave you alone. You didn’t want to face him because the moment you met his warm eyes, you knew you would crumble.

“I know you’re mad at me for what I-” he cut short. “Hey, are you okay?” His words hung low in the air, and he shifted close, placing his fingers under your chin and carefully lifting your head.

You watched his eyes grow wide and lips part in shock. He raised a brow, his gaze narrowed as he tightened his hold on your chin. He surveyed the swollen redness of your eyes and the paleness of your cheeks. The sudden proximity made you falter, and you stepped back. He followed.

“What did he do?” Your jaw almost dropped hearing the amount of bitterness in Sunghoon’s tone. The fact that he immediately picked up on the cause of your current state baffled you.

“Nothing. I just-” your words cracked, as did your demeanour.

You wanted to go home and cry your eyes out, hopefully dissolving into the sheets of your bed, so tomorrow wouldn’t come. But here stood, this stubborn man, making you want to spill your heart out. His presence had an indescribable effect on you.

“Sunghoon, I just wanna go home.”

Your drenched eyes made the world blurry. As the tears ran down, you embarrassedly tried looking away. You didn’t want Sunghoon to see you breaking down like a hot mess, but currently, you felt so lost, you couldn’t persist any longer.

You thought you almost hallucinated the touch when his fingers brushed your arm. It was so gentle like his he was holding a child’s hand. You looked up and caught the softening brown in his gaze. He carefully stepped close and brought his arms around your back, lowering you into his chest.

His scent and warmth washed over you, disrupting the front you tried hard to keep up.

The gentle embrace undid the last knot in your chest, and the pain wrung out of your heart as you wrapped your arms around his waist and hid in his warmth. The tears flowed on their own accord, absorbing into his jersey like a vacuum sucking up all your misery. You felt his arms cradle you tighter as your chest rumbled, sobs wreaking your frame. He rubbed his hand against your back in an attempt to comfort you.

You weren’t sure how long he held you. It was only when you couldn’t feel your legs that you swallowed the remaining sobs and shifted, unwrapping yourself from him.

His arms felt unwilling, but he bit the inside of his cheek, slowly dropping them and stepped away. Your first instinct was to look down at the mess you had created, and it filled you with instant regret. The top half of his jersey was drenched.

“I-am so sorry,” you apologised with a screechy voice.

He seemed confused at first but noticed your eyes on his jersey and visibly tensed, his jaw tightening. “Is my jersey the issue right now?” He gritted.

You sighed, nibbling on your lower lip, something you did when you felt anxious.

“I’ll see you tom—”

Sunghoon huffed, his glare pointed at you. Before you could continue, he pulled you to sit on the bench beside the locker room. He kneeled immediately, meeting your eye level.

“You will sit here and wait for me to change. I will drop you home myself,” he directed, his tone rigid as he stared at you.

You wanted to decline but realised there was no room for discussion. His words were set in stone. You reluctantly nodded, your hands clasped together.

“Good.” He patted your head like you were his pet and rushed into the locker room.

As if he walked through a costume spell, he was out within a heartbeat, dressed in his uniform. You surveyed him: half unbuttoned shirt, loose tie, disarranged hair and untied shoelaces. You broke into a nasally laugh.

“I wasn’t going to run away,” you confirmed, and he smiled back at you, his nose scrunching.

“I wasn’t going to take any chances,” he claimed but you paused when you realised his intentions. He didn’t want to give you enough time to be alone with your thoughts.

Your smile returned as you got up and followed him out the university.

The sun had come down by the time, leaving behind trails of orange hues dissolving into the sky’s blue. The walk to the bus stand was quiet. You were thankful Sunghoon didn’t ask you anything despite his impatient personality.

Your phone suddenly pinged, alerting both of you. You grabbed it from inside your bag and turned it on. The screen lit up, showing one text message.

Heeseung <3

babe, did you go home already? need you with me tonight

(sent 5:33 pm)

You visibly flinched reading the text. Disgust settled in the pit of your stomach, your body wanting to throw up again. Though, there was nothing to empty anymore.

Sunghoon’s hand on your arm interrupted the disgusted scowl developing on your face. “What is it? You’re shaking,” he gripped your arm tightly, voice laced with concern.

You thought about telling him everything. But you didn’t want to put Sunghoon at odds with his best friend, so you nibbled on your lip and shook your head.

“I just-can we not go to my place?” You stuttered desperately. As much as you wanted to go home and rest, Heesung had a key to your dorm. You were worried he might show up.

Sunghoon blinked. The confusion in his gaze made your body tense up again. But he gulped it all down, nodding slightly.

“Come to my place.”

You never imagined that your first time at Sunghoon’s dorm would be under the given messy circumstances. As you walked through the door, you could immediately tell that this man was well put together. His place was just like him: neat and upright.

The white walls reflected the moonlight peaking inside from his window. The place smelt of fresh lavender and the familiar scent of Sunghoon’s cologne, reminding you of his embrace. You quickly shook away the thoughts, taking your shoes off beside the door, and Sunghoon led you to the dining table.

When you settled down, you noticed the desk on the right corner with countless books and papers sitting on top. You gave him a slight smile.

“Preparing the criminology assignment?” You guessed, and he nodded.

“It’s the absolute worst. Be glad you didn’t double major,” he sighed, going to his kitchenette.

“What do you wanna eat?” He asked, a few strands of hair falling into his eyes. Your heart skipped a beat. It felt intimate.

“Uh-nothing really,” you muttered, but your stomach protested, rumbling exactly on time.

You turned bright pink.

“Ramen it is,” he announced and bent down to grab a pack.

You watched the man brush away strands of hair from his eyes as he cut open the packet and emptied it into a saucepan. The sound of boiling water spread, and its heat seemed to diffuse into your chest, warming up your heart because something about the man towering in his tiny kitchenette preparing supper for you made your insides curl. It was almost a funny sight, one you wished you could forever commit to memory.

You blinked when Sunghoon placed the bowl on the table.

“You’re not eating?” You asked, feeling bashful upon eating alone.

“I eat late,” he replied, his eyes not leaving yours as he signalled at the bowl.

You wanted to tell him you also eat late. Normally. When you don’t empty everything out in the morning. You refrained and quickly slurped down a big bite.

While you ate, you felt Sunghoon watching you. You didn’t look up nor ask him because you were certain he was curious about your recent mental breakdown he had been a witness to.

When you slurped the last bits and downed the soup, you felt yourself heave a breath in relief. You finally looked at Sunghoon and spared a toothy smile.

“Thanks for the best ramen I’ve had in a while.” He grinned at your comment and looked away, turning pink.

“It’s just ramen, drama queen,” he muttered, and you giggled, noticing his shy denial.

Your laugh died down when you heard the sudden beeping of your phone. You hurriedly grabbed the device.

Heeseung Calling

The mood shifted. You muted the ringing and put the phone down on the table. Sunghoon watched your body tighten, gloom settle in your eyes and hands fiddle with the edge of the table. With a tightened jaw, his arm reached forward, grabbing your phone.

It happened before you could process it.

One blink and Sunghoon had answered the call, phone against his ear as he silently stared you down.

Your eyes zeroed, head moving left to right in an attempt to deescalate the situation. Sunghoon knew your intentions, but decided to not care.

“Baby, finally! Where are you?” You heard Heeseung’s chirpy voice through the phone and your stomach tightened, the ramen attempting to jump up to the roof of your mouth again.

Sunghoon’s intense gaze made you feel uneasy and you tried stealing your phone, but he opened his mouth before you could.

“It’s Sunghoon.”

The air thickened.

Your head pounded in frustration as you watched the man in bewilderment. You felt the instant change even before Heeseung said anything, his breath halting for a moment. Sunghoon, on the other hand, looked purely intrigued, his eyes shining.

“Why’re you with y/n? Put her on the damn phone.” The sweet facade dropped as he rasped harshly.

Sunghoon’s grip tightened. “She left her phone on the stands.”

Your body recoiled, tension falling away. You looked at Sunghoon with gratitude. If Heeseung found out you were with him, he would come down to Sunghoon’s dorm and you were in no mood to face him. Not without throwing up again.

“Oh.” Heeseung’s tone became neutral.

“She hasn’t come to see me after the injury, so I’m a little worried,” he drawled, and Sunghoon listened in silence.

“By the way, that was not cool man. You seemed to have an agenda against me.” He playfully chuckled, pointing it out. Sunghoon breathed heavily, his hand clenching into a fist.

“I’ll give her phone back tomorrow. Don’t call before then,” Sunghoon spat and cut the call off, throwing it on the table with a darkened shadow on his features.

“Who told you to answer the call!” You shrieked, your body functioning on autopilot as you jumped forward, smacking his bicep and grumbling.

“What did the dick do?” He suddenly blurted and your adrenaline rush fluctuated, images of the ordeal flashing in your head. The tears rushed to surface, gathering in your eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sunghoon nodded eagerly. “Okay don’t talk about it. I’ll call him and ask.” You gasped as he reached out to grab your phone.

“No! Sunghoon-”

"You cried like that for the fucking idiot. I need to know or I’ll stalk down to his dorm and shove this phone up his ass.” The words flew out of his mouth like he meant it. His tense gaze overwhelmed you.

Tears gathering in your eyes flowed out, but you wiped them quickly.

“He cheated,” you simply stated.

His face collapsed. He blinked several times. Silence settled between the two of you.

Saying it out loud made it more real, but also bursted the uncomfortable bubble in your chest. Telling someone made it lesser of a burden. You felt you could finally breath a lot easier, but the pain from the chest shot right out your eyes.

This time, you let them flow.

Sunghoon suddenly got up from his chair and he rounded the corner, watching you. The rigidity in his gaze melted, and he stared at you with gentle concern. His jaw was still tight as if he was restraining himself.

“Don’t cry-not over him,” Sunghoon muttered incoherently.

He kneeled down, against your knees and wiped your face. When you looked at him, you noticed the frown on his lips, concern wearing down his face.

“Heeseung could never deserve you,” he bitterly stated, his eyes narrowing with fury.

You shook your head. “Why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t like me anymore? Why did he have to go behind my back?” You gravelled, heart plummeting in your stomach.

Sunghoon shifted forward to look you in the eyes. “That idiot still likes you.” He chuckled bitterly.

This caught your attention. You looked back at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Sunghoon’s enraged gaze could split the sun if he looked hard enough. “He does but not enough to get over his urges.”

You froze. Your lips parted in confusion.

“What do you know Sunghoon?” You questioned.

Sunghoon looked away, standing up. You immediately followed his actions.

“Sunghoon-”

“This is a conversation you need to have with him. But I’ll be there. You’re not going to be with him alone ever again.”

He avoided your gaze, turning away and searching around for his phone. You quickly jumped forward to block his path, meeting his hesitant eyes. The confusion from his words had stopped your tears. You wanted to know exactly what Sunghoon knew.

“Tell me. What do you know?” You muttered, your voice hoarse from all the crying.

“Y/n,” he mumbled, his lips tight.

“Sunghoon, I don’t wanna see him. I feel sick just hearing his voice. I can’t face him, so please tell me what you know,” you pleaded.

He hesitantly stood watching you and then pulled your arm, seating you on his single bed as he sat on the chair. You felt the tension in his muscles as he gulped and rubbed his palms against his trousers.

“Heeseung has been off for a while. I’ve noticed him flirting with girls on campus,” Sunghoon started and already you felt bile rise up your throat. You hated hearing about this. You felt embarrassed that Sunghoon was telling you the details of your boyfriend’s immoral endeavours.

“So I asked him about it, and he kinda shrugged it off saying it was all friendly,” he continued.

“Today, before the match I overheard him talking to some of his douche pals.” Sunghoon’s voice trembled. His eyes harboured a bleak fire.

“He was telling them about not feeling satisfied… because of his needs.” Sunghoon swallowed the rest of his words, face red and voice lowering.

Your breath hitched.

He didn’t have to complete because you knew exactly where this was going. Your mind went numb. The walls were closing up on you. You shifted forward, but Sunghoon clasped down on your shoulders, pushing his knees against yours.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said but you tried again hoisting yourself up. He didn’t let go.

His stern gaze met yours.

The gaze softened when he noticed the lifelessness in yours.

His hands found yours, cupping them together and watching you earnestly, hoping you would give him a slight nod-anything that proved you were with him.

“This is why you hurt him,” you accounted.

It all clicked. Sunghoon had heard the rancid comments and retaliated by kicking Heeseung to the ground. Your chest burned. Your entire body felt like it was on fire.

“He’s a scum.”

You had never heard Sunghoon this furious-never with Heeseung. You could tell he was restraining the bubbling anger just like he had done the entire game with a tight grip on his rage.

“I didn’t sleep with him because I was insecure,” you blurted before you could stop yourself.

Sunghoon froze. His frown deepened as his grip on your hands tightened.

“I wasn’t ready. I tried to get over it, but whenever he took the initiative, I backed out like a coward.” You recounted as if admitting these words out loud wasn’t tattering your soul.

“You’re not a fucking coward,” he snapped, his glare burning into you.

“If he couldn’t make you feel good enough, he didn’t deserve to touch a single hair on you.”

You didn’t know exactly what coerced you to carry out your next move. Suddenly you were leaping forward and capturing his lips with yours.

He froze. You imagined he would push you away, disgusted after your foolish action, but you also knew this was probably the only chance you would get to kiss Park Sunghoon.

You were about to pull away when you felt his lips part. Heavy breaths hovered over your mouth for a fraction of a second before he finally disposed of whatever thoughts plagued him and connected his lips to yours deeply.

The moment felt magical. The hitching of breaths and kissing of lips drugged your conscience, and you felt your mouth opening as invitation. He didn’t waste any time, quickly plunging his tongue into your mouth, feasting like he was starved for your taste.

One flick of his tongue against yours, and your brain melted into a puddle. His hands clenched around your shoulders like he was holding on for dear life. He angled his tongue into every curve. The harsh grip tipped you off the deep end, and you found yourself getting closer to him like a bee chasing nectar.

He released his hold on your shoulders and pulled your waist, igniting a fire within your soul. The force of his hold pulled you towards his lap. You obediently threw one leg on either side as he invaded your mouth.

The closer proximity worked wonders. You felt your brain going mush, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he sucked on your lower lip, wetting it with his tongue. The kiss was passionately messy with his saliva dripping down your mouth and chin, noses colliding against one another like two vengeful enemies.

His lips were soft, but they were exploring your mouth like a rogue. You even opened your eyes slightly to watch him; they weren’t fully shut; they were drunkenly narrowed, hazed and rapturous. His cheeks and lips were tinted red, and his mouth worked tirelessly, nibbling and consuming your taste as if he had newly found his high.

You impatiently dragged your tongue against his lips, wishing to taste him. His chest vibrated as an annoyed groan left his mouth like he wasn’t willing to take his tongue out even for a moment. Your heart pounded, and you stubbornly bit his lower lip. This earned you another groan, and his tongue finally retracted. You immediately filled his mouth, and your body quivered upon the sensation.

He tasted like peaches, gushing of freshness. Your hormones purred as you pushed yourself into him, his scent washing over you like a bath. You had never felt Sunghoon this close. You had never heard or smelt him this way. You had never imagined how absolutely delicious he tasted. You had never felt your insides disintegrate and reintegrate with one kiss. Never with Heeseung.

The reminder of your boyfriend’s cheating fuelled your desire to completely undo yourself before Sunghoon. You tightened your arms around his neck as your fingers found way in his slick locks. You pulled at his hair, and the affect was instant. Sunghoon’s mouth dropped and his body tightened. Your heart stuttered when you felt a bulge, straining against his trousers, poking your thigh.

You knew this wasn’t right. You weren’t supposed to be on your boyfriend’s best friend, drinking from his mouth and sharing his heat.

But the heart wanted more.

The sinful look in his eyes almost liquified your abdomen, and you decided to become bolder. Without thinking it through, you shifted on his lap and lowered yourself on his hard-on. His gasp rung through the walls, making your body revel in delight. Eyes wider than before, his hand came quickly to hold onto your waist, his fingers digging into the flesh alarmingly.

You only considered it a green signal and pushed your core harder against him, this time making your insides clench with need. His iron grip on your waist tightened to the extent you felt the ache within your body. The pain only magnified your pleasure, and you felt your head fall back.

Sunghoon immediately pulled you close, and then bit your lip, almost like he was angry. Your brows knitted as he refused to release his grip on your waist, preventing you from moving freely. He delved inside your mouth again, this time sucking your tongue harshly. When he drained your mouth, he kissed the corner of your lips repeatedly like he was scraping for the last taste.

You impatiently pulled at his baby hairs, wanting him to release your waist so you could feel his hardness, but he started leaving feistier bites on your mouth to prevent your insistence.

You unwrapped your arms, pushing at his neck as his lips wouldn’t leave yours. It was as if he was so lost, he didn’t realise your attempts until you turned your head away.

He halted.

Breathless with burning insides, you both stared at each other, panting to get some air.

He recovered quicker, eyeing your bruised up lips again and again like he was waiting for the green signal to take a shot.

You would let him have anything if he just dropped that goddamn hand from your waist.

You quickly brought your hand to his, attempting to unclasp his hold. His teeth gritted, a low hiss leaving his mouth. He didn’t budge.

“I need you,” you whispered, leaning up to pepper kisses on his chin and cheek.

He sucked in his lip, eyes drowning in frustration.

“Y/n,” a low moan escaped his mouth, eyes growing pained as your lips lowered to his adam’s apple and sucked on the skin, colouring it red.

“Not-not right now please.”

Maybe the words weren’t audible enough or you simply refused to understand them because your lips kept moving lower, sucking his milky skin and littering it red with reminders of your devouring.

His body panted underneath, eyes rolling back and lips tightening as if his restrain was falling out the window. You attempted to shift and this time he released his hold. Your lips ran down, tasting his neck.

Your heart chimed in glee as your core throbbed to feel him but before you could move again, his hands were on your shoulders.

“Y/n!” He moaned as your teeth dug into his neck, biting and sucking his flesh like he was a bar of candy.

You were high. High on his body’s scent, high on his taste, high on his starved touch, high on his warmth and high on every smothered sound from his chest.

“Stop-please.”

The desperate plea finally made it to your conscience and you paused, your mouth freezing against his body. His words ran through your mind once and twice. Your heart plummeted, eyes widening in shock.

You hadn’t realised. Sunghoon didn’t want you to touch him this way. He had constantly been rejecting and restraining your advances, but you were too absorbed in your own world.

You were absolutely disgusting.

Your eyes welled up, but you strained to keep it together.

“I’m so so sorry.” You jerked off his hold, getting off his lap in a hurry. Your weak legs almost gave in as you stood up.

“No-no! I didn’t-” he was up on his feet, reaching out to you but you turned away. Your eyes wandered as you frantically grabbed your bag from the table along with your phone.

“Y/n, wait!” He grabbed your wrist, pulling you back, but you wrenched it out immediately.

“You don’t have to feel bad. I crossed a line. I shouldn’t have.” Your stomach twinged as you hurried towards the door, hoping he would just let you go because the day had brought enough baggage to last you an entire year.

“You crossed the line? I had my tongue down your throat,” he snapped in fury. You froze, turning a burning red at the shameless crudity of his words.

Your anger flared as you turned around to look at him. “It was a mistake,” you snarled.

You caught the change of gaze, his fury and concern watering into coldness. His drilling stare instantly made your heart drop in regret.

“Mistake?” He huffed, breaking into a shaky chuckle. “You were on top of me, devouring me like that and you call it a mistake?” You winced.

“I’m sorry-”

“No you’re not. You’re not fucking sorry.” He growled as he towered, gripping your wrist. You could feel the anger vibrating through him, jaw clenched as if he was biting down the remaining harsh words.

“Sunghoon.” Your voice quivered.

“I beg you. Let me go home. Please.”

He watched your eyes pool, body quiver. He released your arm defeatedly and stepped away. You wanted to apologise again but knowing it would just hurt him more, you tugged on your shoes and dashed away.

[nerves-nebula]

what do you think would have happened if leo just SUCKED at training and didnt become the favourite?

I’m so glad you asked cause that’s an idea I’ve been toying with. I see it going one of five ways, but here’s an interesting thing to consider: leo wasn’t actually that much better at first.

Splinter picked him when they were basically babies, because of what he perceived as signs of leo being better than the others. Leo is mostly better because he was raised to be. Splinter taught him the most, gave him the most attention, and expected more of him than he did the others. Sure, Leo liked training more than the others but that was majorly influenced by Splinter not being a complete ass to him.

so anyway, options 1-3 are just Splinter picking a different kid to favor. They’ve each got their talents, so maybe Splinter would pick Raph for brute strength, or Mikey for creativity in a fight, or Donnie for his tactical intelligence/creations. No matter what though, he’d carefully curate out the parts of them he doesn’t like as much. (Which he’s also done to Leo, hence why Leo sucks a lot)

If Donnie were picked, he'd be shamed into masking more thoroughly and would be encouraged to not be empathetic towards others. he'd end up being haughty & condescending & insufferable.

If Raph were picked, he'd be shamed out of showing his more gentle & caring side, and would be seen by most as mainly just a force of pure violence (and probably a lot of toxic masculine ideals hah but that could be said for all of them to different degrees). and he'd internalize that, too.

in this iteration he already kind of thinks of himself as like, a machine who's there to take care of his siblings. If Splinter had chosen him, all of that dehumanizing mindset would be shifted to him thinking of himself as a machine for Splinter to use instead.

and if Mikey were picked, he'd be shamed out of kindness and encouraged to be cruel to others for his own amusement. Mikey's constantly seeking stimulation (relatable) and with Splinters encouragement it wouldn't be too difficult for him to begin tormenting others for fun.

Obviously none of this is cut and dry, they'd all have reservations and their own personal feelings (none of them would WANT to be mean on purpose) but a parents influence is strong sooo, it'd be rough.

Option 4 is him picking none of them, which would suck real bad but have the upside of them all relating to each other and staying closer together.

Option 5 is him making them all actively compete for the spot of favorite, and they can gain and lose his favor at any time. This would be the most disastrous and volatile situation, because they would all be in constant brutal competition for his affection, and they would all believe that it was possible to attain his love, even if just for brief amounts of time. It would always be unsettlingly unclear how long you would be his favorite for. (really though, it depends mostly on Splinters mood and what he needs done at the moment. And they all sort of know that, deep down)

this would be the hardest one to break out of, because instead of 1 sibling vs 3 siblings, it's a more complex dynamic in which they've all spent years screwing each other over and hurting each other and themselves to get Splinters attention.

It's hard enough for one kid to come to terms with the fact that his parents are kind of terrible people, but it'd be way harder if all three of them refused to acknowledge it because they all have skin in the game.

[panlight]

Hello!

One thing that baffles me is how Renee and Siobhan's gifts are brushed over? These 2 have the most powerful/course-altering gifts, but we are instead so focused on the Jane/Alec/Alice/Bella's gifts?

Siobhan could potentially influence reality! If this power was real, she could play 'god' and end the Volturi single-handedly if she wanted, because whatever she desires could become the reality.

Renee's (potential) mental-persuasion power is obviously more of a speculation, but if it was real, she obviously poses a huge threat and could directly influence the Volturi, or turn their own guards against them.

Why would Aro and the Volturi not be more concerned about them? Is it because the powers are unconfirmed and/or of a weaker form? Even then, powers could be developed, and given the gravity of the implications, I would have thought they would keep a very close watch on them (more so than the attention given to them in the books). Better safe than sorry.

I'm going to guess that in Renee's case, SM didn't come up with that until later. I think her original version of Renee was just supposed to be this quirky, free-spirited "I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom!" type but as the books progressed (and as she wrote different versions of the same book but continued to have Renee as a character in each), Renee became more narcissistic and terrible and she eventually came up with this idea that she had a latent power all along and that's why she turned out like she did.

And on the one hand that's interesting, I guess, but on the other it's a strange choice for SM to make because it undermines Bella and Renesmee's specialness to a degree. That is, she's made is clear these gifts can be inherited, so now when I think about the books and how everyone is just falling all over themselves to support and love Bella and later Renesmee, is it actually because they are Good and Worthy or is it because everyone is picking up on a similar subconscious mental "help meeeeeeee" frequency that they inherited from Renee?

With Siobhan what fascinates me is that Siobhan herself isn't fully convinced she has a gift; how much more powerful would she be if SHE believed in it? Wouldn't that create a loop of making herself more powerful? Because really, her power to bend reality to her will can spiral into horrifying if you think about it too much. It's like Imprinting and the Alpha orders in a way -- can she rob you of your free will and make you do what SHE wills?

As for why the Volturi doesn't care, I think it's because SM didn't care. They feel like sort of fun little seasonings peppered in that she might have thought of at the last minute, not gifts that actually like, matter to the story. Siobhan might joke that she willed the Volturi confrontation to end peacefully, but the narrative gives Bella and her shield all the credit, so Siobhan still just feels like an afterthought. And with Renee I'm not entirely convinced she didn't just make up her gift when writing Midnight Sun all these years later.

Because, yeah, both of these gifts can veer of into mind-control pretty quickly, and Renee's is especially scary because she doesn't even know she's doing it!

[decepti-thots]

Pardon me, but after reading though your blog, could you go into detail about why you hate the megamins/megamags pairing (megatron x minimus/magnus). No judgement from me. I think you may have a post about that, but I can't seem to find it. I love reading your analyses.

I do think back in… I think late 2021 I wrote a little about why it's my nOTP, but I doubt I tagged it (good manners, y'know), so sure, I'll talk a little about it for you, anon; thank you for asking. Let me just cut it so the minimegs likers can go about their day happily (hi friends <3), haha. And thank you for the kind words!

First off: I consider this a functionally canon ship, which influences my feelings on it a lot. It's something I'd describe as subtextual but largely unambiguous; it never explicitly gets quote-unquote "confirmed", but I think that to assume it's not present in the text in some form requires a degree of deliberately reading against the grain, tbh. It's unresolved, inexplicit and largely peripheral compared to e.g. CDRW, but it's hard to deny its obvious canonicity IMO. If I can point to Chromedome/Prowl as being obviously present despite the technical lack of confirmation, it'd be wildly inconsistent to claim otherwise for Magnus/Megatron, I think.

This matters for my purposes because I really dislike the way it manifests in the comic and what it narratively does. I've usually avoided talking about my ambivalent feelings about the execution of MTMTE Megatron's arc on this blog because of historical unpleasantness for both me and several close friends, but I've probably discussed it enough by now longtime readers (or backreaders) of my blog have inferred. You know, the ambivalence. Haha. In itself.

I think a lot of the Megatron/Magnus dynamic represents a kind of reliance on narrative shortcuts to try and force reader engagement with the Megatron arc Roberts is writing that, unfortunately, came to exemplify for me the formal shortcomings of that arc, and the more… not just "this didn't work" elements but actively "this is annoying now" stuff. When we first see them interact in MTMTE very early on post-Dark Cybertron, it's actually a set-up I find really interesting. I think theoretically at that point, they're very very obvious characters to put together, because Magnus is a character who is unusual in that he really does feel like someone it makes sense to have be scrupulously fair to Megatron despite the latter's actions and his own personal grudges. When you have Magnus argue "technicalities" during his trial because shut up, the law is the law and nobody is excluded from a good legal defense, he's the kind of character who you can really believe thinks like that on the Autobot side. At the same time, he's someone whose scrupulosity also means he's really unable to reconcile what Megatron has done- there's that early POV shot of his little HUD where he puts notes in about who he's looking at through the armour that shows he has one for Megatron reminding him of what terrible things he's done, and the early "Lost Light insider" insert where it's shown people on the ship have seen Magnus yelling at Megatron because of how uncomfortable he is with Megatron being co-captain. This sets up a potential interesting dynamic where Megatron in MTMTE has all these things he's done and represents that Magnus is intractably morally opposed to but all these little personal traits day-to-day he likes which could have been a very interesting contrast to explore as a conflict.

…but it's not a conflict that gets played out. We jump, quite quickly, to "Megatron and Magnus are the only two kinda uptight rule-likers who understand each other among all the chaos", with only perfunctory gestures at the core and very large moral quandry this ought to present. The entire middle section of this conflict is implied but never shown, and it's something the reader is expected to just sort of gloss over as probably existing in theory but there's no room to show it. That's not even quite it actually. It's almost like a timeskip, where it acts like it happened but there's no room for it TO have happened, and we never see it happening; suddenly, they're just in this ambiguously has-feelings-for-the-other space where the audience understands the alluded-to conflict underpins what makes the tension theoretically interesting but it's never actually shown. It's shorthand we never see, and it drives me nuts because it's not something you can get away with reducing to shorthand with how incredibly central that tension actually is to the attempt to convey Megatron's arc convincingly.

What bugs me about this more is how this exists, IMO, as a shorthand for the broader issue of defensiveness about the fact that many people were not onboard with Megatron-as-captain in a straightforward way. There are characters in MTMTE that are like… let's use Rodimus as an example. He's beloved by many and disliked by many others, because he's an engaging, complicated, abrasive, sympathetic but asshole character who fucks up royally in ways that go way beyond the flaws of many protagonists in comparable series. What makes Rodimus work is that it understands that for every person who loves him (hi) in all his abrasive glory, there will be readers who simply don't, because he is abrasive… and so it makes the story interesting even if you do not like him because of his glaring flaws. It's not interested in "convincing" the people who dislike him, because it is confident enough to deliver a story where if you don't like Rodimus, the narrative will still give you stuff to engage with. Same with Whirl, actually. Whirl is terrible and morally difficult, and if you never quite get on board with his brand of assholery, you still find something to enjoy in how the narrative presents him, so it never feels like it needs to "fix" people who are not quite onboard.

Megatron feels like a character the narrative quickly becomes defensive about occupying a similar role, IMO. It can't quite abide the idea some people will just never be cool with his redemption arc and offer that same ambivalence in a way that allows the story to accomodate such divisiveness. It becomes very reactive to on-the-go fan criticism in a way that ultimately undermines it far more than any inherent conceptual flaw in the idea, because it comes to devote more and more effort to like, course correcting rather than playing in that space. To bring this back to the issue of shipping, Magnus becomes a kind of mouthpiece for this, where his sudden shift to "we went through all the implied difficult conflict and now this Objectively Moral character is on board" becomes a way to be didactic; two really obvious examples for me are the on-the-nose bit in the second Functionist Universe arc where Minimus turns to the camera like Well I Don't Think He'd Betray Us, and the really bad post-FU bit where his exaggerated description of Megatron's assumed betrayal as a kind of reactionary thing Rodimus exploits is blatant commentary on people who were not a fan of that arc. It goes from a potentially interesting conflict to a way the comic leans on preexisting reader opinions on other characters to hammer home there is One Right Way to feel about a contentious element of the comic that I simply can't enjoy, and which especially serves to reduce Magnus' character to a mouthpiece for someone else's arc. I would hate it even if it were in service of my actual ships, frankly! If the comic had done that with him for Rodimus, I'd go from OTP-ing rodimags to resenting it in a heartbeat. I just find it poor writing, and with so little in the back half of the comic to do once his original arc is concluded in "series one", it comes to dominate Magnus' arc in a way I so dislike it makes me unable to even try to play with the Magnus/Megatron dynamic in fandom.

The thing is, the degree to which this becomes baked into the moment-to-moment canon makes it difficult for me to engage with it outside the textual elements I find frustrating. If it was less canon, I could play with it in ways that turned it into a more interesting transformative fandom thing, but the presence of it in the canon as a driving part of that arc narrows my ability to do so without feeling like I'm disregarding the text, something I do not enjoy in fandom spaces. It becomes too central to ignore, and since I dislike what it does and represents in the canon, I can't enjoy it. (By contrast, the comic's inability to actually zero in on a real definitive Megatron-Rodimus dynamic paradoxically means that in fanwork, I really enjoy playing with the space that failure leaves, and I have a lot of fun filling in the gaps that failures in the writing leaves me to work with.)

…All this is admittedly a little compounded by a bias due to the fact that the broader fandom for Magnus/Megatron was, historically, very obnoxious. From the fact people in the fandom were virulently awful to people who did not like this plotline (multiple friends of mine were- and in one case, still are years later- directly harrassed due to this at points) to the fact that it's been presented as Morally Superior to other ships by people in the fandom starting shipping wank, the fanwork culture around the ship has only exaggerated this impression to the point I just can't engage with it without feeling a little rasp of annoyance. (And also there's the issue of Megatron/Magnus stuff often having some of THE worst takes on the already fraught issue of Magnus' OCD in my opinion, but that's another post, probably, lmao. Which also involves the role Rodimus plays there, haha. It's not just my personal shipping bias, it's an issue much more broadly, including in the canon. Alas.)

What it boils down to is this: the writing for these two in canon is some of the laziest in canon, to me, and I find it impossible to engage with them outside the very present canon material, so I just can't enjoy it. I can actually do a lot with the various bits of Megatron's arc I find lacking with OTHER characters whose interactions with him are less textually clear. Rodimus? Oh, yeah. Loads of room there, just to name an obvious example. It's totally workable, especially as someone who prefers to react to canon I find unsatisfactory with "how can I make this interesting to me". But the Megatron-Magnus stuff is too… present. I cannot find the wiggle room. And so I really dislike it, and tbh, it's a shame to me that nowadays almost all of the little MTMTE Magnus character work discussed is in the context of these two, because both characters are better served IMO by exploring their arcs separately and with other characters.

tl;dr: if it was fanon I would feel able to expand on it in a way that let me make it more than the issues that exist in canon. but as it is, i find canon so restrictive i struggle, so i can't even enjoy it in fanon, especially since because of how this stuff works by default of course the fans of the basically-canon ship are building off the canon i am so dissatisfied with; there's just nothing for me there when of course the people who like the canon ship like that canon. so. anyway s/o to all my minimegs friends, of which i have a few, you all won and i love you.

[ur-fav-alien]

No one find out.

Orange Cassidy x Danhausen fic! mentions of hookhausen, cheating and kissing woah!! Danhausen finds himself alone with Orange, which is perhaps the worst thing he could've let happen, especially with Hook nowhere near.

The hotel door closed, Danhausen and Orange were now left alone. Chuck and Trent had left to go get their food from some Italian restaurant, and Kris was in the room over. 

They were alone. 

This shouldn’t have been as nerve-wracking as it was for Danhausen. They were on opposite beds, looking in every other direction, no words were even falling from their lips. There was nothing Danhausen had to be worried about. 

But of course he was. 

Danhausen felt awful for being nervous. He always knew that if he thought he was going to cheat on a partner; he shouldn’t have been with that partner. 

Hook wasn’t here, he never stayed with the Best Friends. Danhausen could’ve gone to stay with him in some luxury suite, have robes wrapped around his body, and get fed grapes, but Danhausen stuck with his friends. This was probably a terrible decision, especially since a gaze in Orange Cassidy’s eyes influenced it. 

Danhausen was sure that being in some hotel suite definitely gave you an advantage when you wanted to ignore the tension between you and your best friend. 

It’s not like he would ever know. It’s not like he did know. 

It was one time, when they were on a break, and Danhausen was feeling especially low on his luck. In his defense, Hook had done it too—with Jack Perry, of all people. And! At least Danhausen waited a while; the day that they started their break, Hook was off with Jack in some seedy club down the street. Danhausen only knew that because a friend of theirs had seen. 

Danhausen found out officially a couple of days later when he saw the two of them kissing in the locker room. He couldn’t get mad. They were on a break. 

Now they weren’t, and Hook could get mad if he wanted to. 

But god… it’s not like he would know, right? 

There was always something between him and Orange. The two of them had met years before at a wrestling event that surely every wrestling fan had forgotten about by now���neither of them had forgotten it, though. Danhausen had reunited back with Orange when he entered AEW. Since then, they had been inseparable. They slept in the same hotel beds, still did sometimes. They’d save each other from people who wanted to do them harm. Orange had been the one advocating for Danhausen to be in the best friends’ group. Orange was his wingman when he started crushing on Hook, and he was also the one to make him feel better when Hook had broken his heart. 

Had he been a little weird and Hook and him got back together? Yeah, but he was also dealing with every wrestler in every promotion, wanting his title. Danhausen was sure he was looking too deep into things. He shouldn’t have been worried about anything, considering Orange and Hook were teaming up on some matches.

Orange’s lips were then on his. 

Danhausen hadn’t even felt the man get onto the bed he was on, but his lips were on his and he could feel the soft press of his beard against Danhausen’s paint-less face. His body was immediately a million degrees. 

Danhausen pushed him back, both of them breathing hard for very different reasons. 

“What?” was all that Danhausen could let out. He wanted to curl into the back of his skull and never think about this again. 

Orange straddled him, with his legs pressing against Danhausen’s thighs, and his hands pressed against the headboard of the bed they were on. Their faces were so close together Danhausen couldn’t think straight—it wasn’t like he could ever think near Orange. 

“What?” Orange repeated for a different reason. 

Danhausen couldn’t get any of the words out. He could feel their outlines pressing against his throat. “We can’t.” He whimpered out as Orange’s hands caressed his face. 

“Why not?” 

His hands had found Orange’s thighs. It all felt so right—but it was all so wrong. Danhausen was aware of this. There were alarms ringing off in his brain—He could see Hook. 

He felt the air get pulled out of his lungs as his hands traced the outline of Orange’s body, moving up his torso. He couldn’t believe how this was happening—how Orange had chosen him before anyone else. His hands settled on the man’s forearms, squeezing ever so gently to feel the muscle around his fingertips. 

Orange’s face looked so gorgeous in this warm hotel lighting. The parted lips, red face—Danhausen couldn’t help but pull him in. 

Their kiss lasted forever. Danhausen kept wanting more—but he forced himself to stay put. If they did anything more, it would’ve crossed the line, not that they hadn’t already crossed the line months ago. 

Kissing was fine. It meant nothing really—people kiss all the time and nothing happens. That’s what was going on: nothing. 

Danhausen continued to press against Orange’s face, hoping that neither of them would need air because all they needed was each other. It was awful; it was evil; it was the worst thing that Danhausen had done and he just needed more. 

There were a million thoughts swimming through his mind, all of them convincing him that they really needed to do this more. Maybe Hook wouldn’t be so heartbroken if Danhausen left, he was sure he’d understand—especially if he never found out. 

The click of their door opening interrupted Danhausen’s thoughts, and his heartbeat began beating at a million miles per second. Hiding the fact that they were making out was no difficult feat, as Orange was sitting next to Danhausen on his phone in a second. 

Danhausen could only stare at the wall in front of him in shock, not understanding how quickly the man had moved to his side. He was sure that it was just some illusion and several minutes had passed to cope with the fact that the two of them had just gotten caught. 

That theory of his dismantled right before his eyes when Trent and Chuck walked through the door with a couple of brown bags of takeout food. Danhausen could not process what had happened. 

Trent smiled at the two as he put the food down. “Orange, you gonna sleep with him tonight?” 

The demon sat frozen in shock, unable to even imagine the dumbfounded expression on his face. He looked over at Orange, who appeared as unamused as usual. 

He shrugged his shoulders carelessly. “Sure.” he replied, as if it was the most mundane thing in the world. 

Danhausen’s heart was pounding in his head. 

God, he just hoped no one would find out.

[thepolyamorouspolymath]

The biggest question looming for me about Stormlight 5 is what Odium will be like now that Taravangian is the vessel.

The epigrams between Hoid and the Shards of Adonalsium (as well as Harmony in Mistborn Era 2) suggest that the vessel and the Shard influence each other to some degree or another. Specifically, I'm thinking of where it says Ati was a kind and generous man who only became what he did due to eons of Ruin's influence, while Rayse was always odious, wanting to be the embodiment of Hatred.

Taravangian was not a bad man. He did horrifying things, but not for selfish reasons, but simply not knowing what else to do and being too afraid to let go of control.

Now, after eons of holding Odium's Shard I'm sure any goodness will be long gone, but in Stormlight 5, he just started. Obviously he won't be able to just drop the whole thing -- Odium will still have significant power. (Honestly I'm not sure that he could even if he was fully in the driver's seat. The whole thing with the Fused is long been established, so maybe even Odium can't break it and Dalinar's contest between champions is binding. So the big broad strokes may be set in a way that even if Taravangian was totally pure of heart and in full control, he'd have to follow.)

It's clearly foreshadowed that there are differences, by his interaction with Hoid. But to what degree? Taravangian isn't a man consumed by Hatred, and he certainly doesn't want to be motivated by such the way Rayse did.

He wanted to save what he could -- guaranteed survival for the few by taking away even a chance of survival for many may be a terrible thing, but it's not the same as just wanting wholesale destruction for its own sake.

And while Odium wants the destruction bc he's a dick, his bigger aim is just to get away from Roshar bc he wants to kill the other Shards. That would have been a goal Rayse was completely aligned with that Taravangian does not care about at all.

(Also, really interested in why he never goes after Cultivation)

I think there's sufficient reason to think that we may see significant changes in Odium and his goals with Taravangian, at least this early on, and I'm really fascinated to see what form that takes.

[localgirlbecomesobsessed]

Meet the OCS

(I changed cathrines house)

I suck at drawing so hopefully these descriptions will be okay :( i didn’t really proof read as I’m writing this on four hours sleep 😭but the brain rot is real.

Xena- permanent •_• face, is actually very emotional inside just struggles with showing it, once she’s more comfortable with the people she’s around she’s becomes more expressive much to her detriment as it becomes harder to hide how she feels. Loves sweet things, romance stories(she’s a manhwa girlie), rock music, coffee,flowers, horror films . She’s quiet and has a soothing raspy voice. Shes too chilled out for someone in her situation or is she just ignoring her terrible circumstances.

Short black hair, piercings-helix;lobes;daith, she desperately wants a tongue piercing but is too scared. She has brown eyes and a small scar on her right cheek and a huge scar on her thigh(goes from the knee to midway)-she dresses quite punk and has permanent eyebags. She does have an arm sleeve of sunflowers/sun themed on her left arm that covers other scarring(she was in a horrific accident)she always keeps it covered with clothing tho due to judgement.

She got sorted into vagastrom and hates being an inspector as she has to keep herself from acting out.

Hobbies: judo, reading, going to concerts;gardening;propagating succulents

Her parents and her got in a horrific car accident when she was 10, she was the only one to survive, she was taken in by her cousin who was only 24 and trying her best at the time. Xena acted out quite badly after the trauma so she was put into judo to help get her aggression and energy release, it helped dramatically that she’s continued doing it even at 21.

She’s won some contests but hates competitions as they seem like too much effort.

Cathrine- stressed out to the max get this girl a chamomile tea or a Xanax. She tries too hard and is a total people pleaser, sucks at dealing with authority as she can never say no. She likes spicy food, science, vintage jewellery-she’s highly interested in mythology but keeps this a secret.(due to parents and siblings)

She’s quite talkative if she has to be but if the situation allows her too she lets herself be quiet, she has a sing song voice and used to have a stutter that comes back if she’s too anxious or tired.

Long pink hair, piercings;lobes and upper lobe, red eyes, she has insanely short nails from biting them down too much; she dresses quite preppy but prefers to dress more casual but likes to maintain her image so doesn’t. She keeps herself in quite pristine condition, always doing a five step facial routine, makeup always on point. She just very much always looks put together. She does have a huge social media presence but she isn’t really a full influencer (not like Leo)

She got sorted into mortkranken, which wasn’t a surprise to her- due to her role of inspector she’s one mental breakdown away of trying to find a way to fasten the curse so the stress is over with but she’s doing a good job at maintaining an image of mental stability (for now) tho I’d probably say it’s definitely cracking especially after the events in the most recent episode (7)

Hobbies:studying;shopping;researching myths

She grew up as the youngest of three, her parents had high expectations and they were all set to a high standard, being the youngest she was forever compared to the eldest two especially when she’s failed to succeed in something as well as they did. Her parents were quite volatile to eachother and to the siblings and would forever turn each one against the other. She was the first to leave-at 18 under the excuse of needing to stay nearer to the university-she was studying economics/business administration something she had no interest in but was an insistence of her parents and a condition for leaving. She worked part time to raise a secret fund in order for her to properly be able to leave after she gets her degree. Her relationship with her siblings is strained but got so much better after she left the house, to the point they gave her a ticket to her favourite bands last concert for her birthday.

After the concert the events of the game take place and she’s cursed, she’s been in contact with her siblings who are extremely jealous she’s at Darkwick and she is currently debating cutting off contact with her parents but fears losing her siblings, she does only have one year left after all.

Olivia-the sweetest lady to ever exist, she’s a hard worker who can’t hide her feelings. Absolutely adores animals and is a sucker for anything cute, she used to be quite the rebel but had to quickly grow up after her parents died(not that she wasn’t already quite mentally matured#traumatised) and she had to become her brothers guardian. She has quite a soft sweet voice and loves to chat but only if she’s completely comfortable with the person, otherwise she’s quite blunt. She’ll eat anything but her favourite snack is anything strawberry flavoured. She’s extremely caring and hates to see people overwork themselves despite overworking herself on the daily.

She has bleached white hair and light brown roots growing through, amber eyes and a mole underneath her left eye; she has a lobe piercing and a left helix; she dresses eclectically, sometimes she’s casual sporty, sometimes she’s a party girl, gothy literally depends on her mood and sometimes her brother will dress her up-she is literally Adam Sandler one day and Jessie rabbit the next. She likes brightly coloured makeup and clothes.

She got sorted into jabberwock, when she got to finally look around the nature reserve she cursed the chancellor for making her an inspector when she could’ve been working in the reserve. She doesn’t mind being an inspector and just goes with the flow as long as she’s getting paid and has her brother she’s fine but is trying to help out as much as she can at jabber.

Hobbies:feeding stray cats; sketching;baking;working (she works too much it has to be a hobby)

Olivia was a bit of a rebel, joining a small time gang with other girls when she was 14, her parents didn’t particularly care about her whereabouts as long as she took care of her younger brother Karma, which she tried her best too. They were alcoholics who didn’t care for their children and when Olivia reached 18 they died in a ‘freak accident’, leaving her and her 17 year old brother to fend for themselves. They had nothing, no money or family to look after them, so Olivia took on as many jobs as she could to help provide Karma with all the good things in life, she quit her gang and tried to move on although she would sometimes get dragged into fixing a problem for them. She didn’t go to uni and instead has been paying for karma to go to art school instead (he got a scholarship that pays half and they have to pay the other half)

Now, karma joint Darkwick a week after the events after Haku hears Olivia’s complete breakdown at not having her brother or being able to contact him as they’re both the only thing they’ve got to rely on. she didn’t have the breakdown on Haku but on the chancellor he was waiting to speak to the chancellor about a recent mission the general students went on and accidentally overheard~he waited for her to leave and then refused to leave until he got the chancellor to st least consider the idea.

Haku managed to convince them afterwards that her brother could be targeted by a similar anomaly/ it might help in figuring out a cure if they had someone with the same dna

-the chancellor also did it for her ‘mental health’ and assured Karma they’d provide whatever he needed for his studies, they’ve also promised Olivia they’ll pay whatever is needed for karmas education and life if she dies/ a hasty promise after Haku managed to convince him.

Olivia doesn’t know Haku helped her yet and probably won’t know until the chancellor tells her.

The chancellor most likely brought him in more for the assistance in finding a cure/testing to see if anomalies are more attracted to their blood as well as other experiments.

She was much happier snd brighter after he was brought in and Karma was happy to be with his sister and be in THE Darkwick university.

Karma-outspoken and blunt, despite appearing brazen he has a gentle disposition and is very chill as long as you don’t cross him or anyone else he cares for. He’s overprotective of Olivia and tries to get her to take a break as much as he can. He oil paints and enjoys water colours as a treat, he enjoys having a muse to help him paint and is a bit of a player. He worries Olivia cause he seems to jump from person to person and has been since their parents died. He enjoys sweet food and like Olivia will devour anything strawberry flavoured. He wants to be strong like Olivia and tries to copy how she fights.

Olivia is 23 and karma is 21/22.

He enjoys social media but doesn’t like having a presence on there, he does post pictures of his art on there although some are blurry.

He has bleached hair just like Olivia and black roots that come through, he has a mole just underneath his mouth on the right, amber eyes; he has all lobe piercings;helix;conch; Raith; nose piercing and is debating an eyebrow piercing; he is a pretty boi~ tallish and wears loose clothing that always has some sort of paint splatter on them. He doesn’t care about what he wears cause he knows he looks good although he enjoys picking out outfits for other people-mostly Olivia as he is quite the secret loser with not so many friends although he says it’s cause he focuses too much on his painting. Has a plan to get completely covered in tattoos but is awaiting to hit it big as a painter before he does.

He got sorted into vagastrom and had no clue what was going on, only that they okayed him to spray paint the rooms and do car decals so he’s happy enough. He doesn’t care if someone’s a ghoul and will call out someone on their shit if it’s deserved. No one believes him when he says Olivia can fight, but the pictures and vids he has prove otherwise~Leo is interested in the different sides and likes using his paintings for his TikTok’s and using him as a fake boyfriend along with Sho. He did try to stay with Olivia in the cathedral but in case something happens (like turning into an anomaly) then it’s safer for him to stay there. He doesn’t trust Haku and is trying to now stop both haru and Olivia from overworking themselves.

Hobbie:painting;partying; napping and boxing.

[echoes-lighthouse]

As much as I wanna encourage you in talking about ~Secret F/Os~ I am contractually inclined to ask about the Slasher Orphanage every chance I get so; 2, 3, 8, 19, 39, and bonus 32 for anyone of them that's figured that part of themselves out yet, please~

Okay let's go!!! It's dissertation time on the slasher kiddos I'm READY!!! (ask game)

2. Were there any traits or things about your F/O that you didn’t know about until after you got together adopted them?

Let's think about what the biggest surprise for each of them was, since I didn't really know most of them much before taking them into the house!

Brahms- how much he still relies on the doll even after his "true" self is revealed. Sadako- she was very stand-offish at the start, so it was a surprise when she ended up being cuddly. Michael- what hasn't been a surprise about Michael??? he helps Vincent with crafts sometimes, I think his connection with the others surprised me. Vincent- I don't think that Vincent has surprised me too much? We've had a slow development and nothing was toooo out of left field with him. Maybe I'm not thinking of it, though. Carrie- her sense of humour. It took me a while to get through to it, but she's developed a knack for saying unexpected things and making me laugh. Jason- the animals were a surprise. I found him with two squirrels on his shoulders once. He's brought birds into the house. He's unstoppable. Billy- absolutely terrible attention span for anything not related to his special interest: looks like he's paying attention but there's nothing registering Stu- he's good with the girls in the house: that doesn't mean I trust him with them, but he makes them both laugh

3. Have you influenced each other’s hobbies/interests? Do you feel you’ve “rubbed off” on each other’s personalities?

Oh, for sure. We all listen to more classical music because of Brahms, we do crafts for Vincent, we read horror books for Billy and Stu. I read them poetry, and we play the games that I like. I think we've all rubbed off on each other, to a certain degree.

8. What would the ideal future with your F/O look like?

It's hard to think about! I don't think I want a future in this selfship. It's just a single moment that stretches forever.

19. What is the pet policy in the relationship? Is one of you a cat person while the other is a dog person? Are either of you allergic or disinterested in animals altogether?

The house is divided, so the rule is that there are no pets! Jason brings in strays sometimes, but they have to stay in the barn once we find them. Brahms, Sadako, and Vincent are not fans of most animals: Carrie and Jason both like most animals, the rest of us are neutral or mixed.

sickness and sexualities under the 'readmore'!

39. How do both of you take care of each other when the other is sick?

The house kind of falls into chaos when I'm sick, if I'm being honest. None of us like a disrupted routine, and I'm the key figure in keeping the schedule rolling. Brahms won't get near me because he hates getting sick. Sadako kind of lingers around but doesn't approach either. Michael, Vincent, and Carrie are the ones who take over the cooking, and they make a good soup together. Billy and Stu take the chance to slack off on chores, but bring me books and magazines for entertainment. Jason takes the chance to get cuddles, he doesn't care about getting sick.

Brahms is so grumpy when he's sick that I hardly want to take care of him, but we get through it with a lot of deep breathing and intentional gentleness.

Sadako hasn't gotten properly sick while we've been together, just a cold once, and she pushed through it like a champ.

Michael doesn't show the fact that he's sick until he's literally passing out, so I try to keep an eye out and enforce bed rest when needed.

Vincent stays in bed when he's sick: he and his brother would switch the chores in times of sickness and it's still a habit for him. He won't tell anyone he's sick but he'll just kind of vanish and we have to figure it out.

Carrie has trauma around illness and also tries to hide it, while picking up extra chores. She gets really nauseous even with a mild cold and has a hard time eating. I do my best to support her and give her infinite juice.

Jason hides in weird places when he's sick. He wants to be around people but not right beside them, so he squishes behind the couch or under beds. Terrifying but cute!

Billy is my favourite when he's sick, if we're honest. He has trouble maintaining his walls and he gets hazy and just... softer. He reacts well to being taken care of, for once. As long as he has a steady stream of media, he's okay.

Stu is the person who insists he can't lift a finger with a cold. But I like babying him, so it's okay. He's a blanket burrito kind of guy, but also gets easily bored, he always wants someone to keep him company.

32. What is your F/O’s sexuality?

Brahms hasn't figured out, but he's probably straight with a demi lean. Sadako is ace/aro. Michael is bisexual. Vincent is.... demisexual? Maybe ace biromantic? Carrie is not ready for that conversation but I think she's a lesbian. Jason is straight but that doesn't mean I'm sure he'll stay that way. Billy and Stu don't use labels, but Billy is a 1 on the Kinsey scale and Stu is a 5. For what that's worth.

[unholyverse]

dont know anything about waterparks, im just nosey but, what its the relation between this travis guy and waterparks?? Were they friends or something, i would be SO mad if my friend or ex friend was writing fanfiction about me

ok so to put it simply, travis is a longtime friend of awsten’s. unlike most of awsten’s friends tho, he’s not some influencer or musician, he is legit just some normal guy from awsten’s hometown that works a 9 to 5 government day job while perusing a side career of being a fantasy book author that sells through amazon books. and also being an active redditor on fantasy subreddits.

awsten met travis because he skipped prom and travis was performing in a rap group in a waffle house parking lot and throwing waffles at people. yes this is all real because travis was in a comedy rap group called dwhb (dem waffle houze boiz) and they used to throw stuff like counterfeit waffle house coupons at the audience at shows.

yeah so stuff about travis:

he really likes final fantasy and considers them a big inspiration in his books

he is a huge nerd. if that wasn’t any obvious

there is a photo of tinashe and orville peck hung up in his bathroom. that says a lot i think

he is a nerd that keeps a blu ray collection of criterion collection films and others

he’s dating someone whose work i genuinely enjoy because they’re a queer nonbinary person who wrote a chapbook about the art of fangirling and gender expression/identity and also they do not interact with parxies because of this which i respect

anyways awsten considers travis to be his smartest friend, probably because he actually finished college and has a job that actively utilizes his degree.

anyways fast forward to 2018 when awsten and travis decide to start a waterparks fic reading podcast. with fics they find on fic sites without consulting the authors first on this early season😐 oh but don’t worry awsten wrote a fic of his own for this…about otto jacking off 🤨

not to mention there’s a milk fic parody in this season. yknow the fic originally written by someone on A SEX OFFENDER LIST.

clearly this podcast needed some vetting so they started only reading writer submitted fics for the next two seasons (minus some about their guests that are so terrible i won’t mention what they entail 🫥) and opening a patreon to show slightly extended video versions of each podcast episode.

now since they haven’t produced any other seasons since then, the patreon lives off of bonus episodes that are just discord calls between travis and awsten and maybe a guest or just travis recording himself attempting to be entertaining. and that’s how we have the nightmare fic he’s created. travis writing a deeply personal fic on so many levels about his friends and posting it on their patreon for fans to read while said friends in the fic are probably to preoccupied to know it’s being posted.

[magnetar1]

Rift of Red Hell

An overwhelming, demonical vision.  I’ve experienced them before, to lesser degrees and lesser demons, yet have never felt so sick.  Like a chapter out of the old Blod Ekklipsal where a Leper’s Glove is worn by the initiate.  Approximating slow death by degrees until, seeping in like a plague, every nerve burns and the heart is made to race at a breakneck speed.   

Sweat slick skin as I reach for another volume.  Book Two of the Encyclopedia of the Black Arte which includes an entry regarding a demon simply called the Spoiled One: Bastard of Oblivion shaking free as the earth trembles, her insides beginning to rot. 

It rises from the beguilement of slaves; a poisoned tongue darting between the lobes of disordered minds.  

I can see the monster inside until it fades away.  

Left in the void of its presence where the Black Mirror shifts.  Scrying under the influence for years as I voyaged beyond the depths of everyday temptation.  

Sunk in my flesh I’ve wailed in darkness, where writhing maggot-death begins.   

***

The tome doesn’t tell me anything I don’t already sense, but still feels good in my hands.  Weight of pillagers who did not come up empty, yet paid the price with obsoletion.  Inseminating with sulphuric wisdom: foretelling aftermaths not well met and considered blasphemous by the throngs that went along.

Dust in my eyes as I close the tome and begin to cry.  I feel insane all of a sudden and feel a terrible urge to kill.  It’s under my breath all the time when I roam the muddy streets of Briar, yet never so raw.  I’m convinced the act would make the agony of my twisted insides uncoil into something more relaxed.  

Tensions gnaw in my gut giving way to a powerful erection.  Performing an exorcism over a victim’s remains allowing the biliousness to creep outside.  Feeling the heat of my loins drip down my leg as I am released – one less concern.    

The demon laughs.   “There are enough murderers, rapists and thieves to fill the vast dungeons of Salvo Hill.  Each night more of them stare off to the shores of Kaardeen.  The riddle of their delirium is in their eyes and demons which lie there.  I may be their sickness, but there are far worse ways to fare in Hell.”

“I feel like I’m turning to water,” I explain as my stomach turns to ice.  Along with the vision, in the spectrum, are several gaunt-like personages.  They’ve been led by an invisible chain through the torments of its escaping.  Scraped up from the same desiccated realm where the Spoiled One makes its home.  

“End nears,” the demon goes on.  “Famished are we, feeling thin under the strain of absolution.  You’ve never believed in it, though, have you?  With a spectral dissonance that breeds no consultation.  Yet still alive.”

***   

I do not feel alive despite what the fiend told me.  Instead, brooding like a heretic, I harden on my course.  Allowing the blood to curdle in my veins as I dove deeper into the lore of Blod and the painful transformation I was privy to.  Foul and gangrenous as I ripen the air around me in a swarm of leeches and flies.  

Foul breath.  Bile of unreason retching up – its own.  Corcuscating through lives like splintering bone.  Only the marrow holds up, stinking through the cracks.  Stagnant waters of life drawn up through a defecating cosmos.  

I destroy everything around me just to get used to the stench.  I wallow in corpses: a remedy in the Blod, both sacred and profane.   It is to live in both worlds, one ordained in signs, abstractions while the other is purely physical.  On my knees with a bent spine as I curl into a maggot and bathe in putrefying secretions.

I am getting used to this world as it is, what this vision means, to hold it in my view long enough to corrode.  Through nausea and spleen I am tempted into war with myself, keeling before the mighty sword, pinioning me to the truth.  Guts unfurling in a crooked line leading me back to the Master’s Aeon.  

“I am before, and after; impossible, and always.  Even as you evacuate yourself before me I am formless.  Until: seen through a miasma of death, trumpet of fear bedecked with dangling heads, I will crush through your streets as an idea.  At first.  Spawned by an ancient prophecy, seeding their paranoia with oblique futures . . .”

Intruding: “Come along master and finish it . . .”

*** 

Remnants of myself left behind.  No more.  

      In the nullifying echo gone back through the ages to this shattering crescendo of broken glass.  Absorbed into the oily excrescence of the Black Mirror as it seeps through the cracks: shadow-worlds unmoored from their hidden kingdoms, secreted through a guttural nightmare.

When I look in my eyes all I see is a beast.  Whatever bursts open inside of me, under many layers of culpability and rage, poisons the briny sea.  Beyond sickness, redemption, the torpidity of sorrow, where all is washed away in a cancerous flood.  Slamming my fists, my face, into the inky shards.  

I let some of the malignancy out, but it’s never enough to set the world straight nor redeem its station . . .

When I come to, I seethe.  The vagrant tricked me again as the Black Mirror remains whole and I am still crouched over the Blod.  The feeling, however, that I am merely a vision of myself remains.  In the final words of the demon, but not the last.  Finally, beginning to understand the reflection: paths to infinity.  

Even this slavering beast, with its demon loyalty and nervous ticks, grasped the distinction between mortality and chaos.  As the seed abides leaving its mark on the trail, rescuing another moment out of the burning question.  Still, we don’t need to survive this long, with so many preambles into certain doom.  

Watching them hang on in darkness below, fires ranging up from the crude of their souls.    

*** 

The Spoiled One is laughing again.  He is alone this time; nor did I see him enter the room.  His eyes are even more yellow, boring into mine while its odor reeks of dead halls in the bowels of  Kaardeen.  Another discipleship has just been established as the demon is once again free to recruit at will.

“As long as you are doing the work,” it says, I will only return.  Somehow we can visualize each other in this pitiable realm . . . even though I never pity!  Even a wretched sorcerer like you has adjusted to the ways of sight.  Touch me.  Feel my cold, ragged skin.  Bury your tongue in my buttocks.  Gobble the rancid waste as it drains out.  Reach around for my distended muscle and pump it for all hell’s worth!”

Rising out of those pieces on the floor I am whole again.  Whether in this room among my books or rotting somewhere in an ancient cave.  Whether crossing an icy plane at  the end of the world with my backside to its lashing winds.  Stretched over fields of silent agony where miles of dead are strewn.  Clawing down to a canker-like heart covered in bright-white lesions, where the first and final shard went in. 

***

We brutalize each other in the manner of the Blod.  All the welling anxiety, derivative of rage and contrition, sickness beleaguered by revenant-like consequence as it holds onto the only thing it knows; the exterminating tumor, holding sway over a blurred reflection.

Becoming clear as I am torn apart from the inside.  Becoming One as its scalding seed ruptures the umbilicus between us.  

No longer a need for a summoning.  

Closing the Blod as I evacuate my bowels into the demon’s gaping maw.  Taking back what it once instilled in me, sulphuric as the sun out of a cold delerium.  I vomit acid on its tail, too, leaving little more than a stump.  I stroke my shaft until it is a gleaming tower.    

Howling as I push through the ice into burning wastes below.  Enveloped in mists of Kaardeen as its reddening fury braces against the cold.  A world within a world just as the Black Mirror predicts.  Bastard of Oblivion come to occupy another soul.  Still, I scrape my cock against it with a bloody sun in my eyes.  My spine, groaning with strain as I ward away any and all prophecies of bleak rapture.      

“You went too far,” it says, thrashing violently against me.  “To make me real in this domain so unrepentantly.  It is a leper’s wish to feel whole again.  Feel me inside you as you explode over fields of the dead!” 

Spilling my ejaculate on the floor as the vision evaporates.  Night folding around me as the memory of another life intervenes.  Black Mirror humming quietly to itself in a corner as another transmission ends.