#like the ultimate bully vs the ultimate victim
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one random day on space twitter
i know we haven't gotten to the pushed-into-the-portal part of the story, but just take this as a sneak peak maybe HAHAHAH
we already know he's in the (j)fhc, but here's a more direct interaction between the two
you may be asking, why doesn't loser ford just block him? don't ask me, ask the loser!
TRUST ME THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT SOON I JUST NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK FIRST (^_^;)
inspired by:
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thanks tj for the shitpost material
#loser ford au#jerk ford au#the funniest crossover imo#like the ultimate bully vs the ultimate victim#we all know what happens#ford pines#gravity falls#ACK SHITPOSTS#IT'S ALL I'VE GOT#also slapping SPACE in front of random words#peak comedy
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"Ford should be blamed for being manipulated by bill because he was desperate for validation" hmmmmmm
Okay, perhaps I should expand upon this point a bit.
First to be clear, this post wasn’t meant to be hate to either Ford or Stan, it’s more just me saying what I think are fair criticisms of them vs what I think are unfair criticisms. When I say “blamed” I don’t mean they should be condemned, just that they did something wrong and there is a degree of accountability there.
Ford’s whole experience with Bill is a tricky one, because Ford undeniably WAS a victim here. Especially with what we learn in the Book of Bill, which really highlighted the abusive nature of their relationship. And yes, Bill’s manipulations targeted Ford’s insecurities stemming from a lifetime of bullying and his father’s harshness. Those are all reasons why we should 100% empathize with Ford, and understand that he is not just some horrible selfish person, the way Ford haters make him out to be.
BUT, I don’t think that erases all accountability. If Ford were the only person hurt by Bill, then sure totally, don’t blame the victim. However, that’s not the case. Ford’s actions nearly destroyed the entire universe, and definitely ruined at least one life (Fiddleford) not to mention the trauma suffered by all the residents of Gravity Falls. And yes, obviously BILL is ultimately the one to blame for all that, but Ford’s initial cooperation was essential. And the reason he was so ready to believe Bill was because of his own ego— stemming from his insecurity of course, but ego nevertheless.
Bill straight up tells us that this is what made Ford the perfect target: “the ego of a king and the insecurity of a circus freak”. Two sides of the same coin, and if you ignore either then you are ignoring important parts of Ford’s character arc. Ford was bullied and ostracized his whole childhood for being different, and it caused him to develop a superiority complex. He needs to believe that he is special, destined for greatness. Which ultimately causes him to look down on others and make reckless, selfish choices in pursuit of that greatness. Ford’s a scientist, trained to be objective and follow evidence-based logic— yet he immediately trusted this unknown entity with no real evidence towards his intentions, because Bill flattered his ego and told Ford what he wanted to hear. If Ford weren’t so self-important, Bill’s manipulations would never have worked. We can empathize with Ford’s backstory, but also recognize that it has caused him to develop some negative traits, which led him to make mistakes that had dire consequences. And again, those consequences are really key here. Ford’s mistakes didn’t just put himself at risk, they put a LOT of innocent people at risk… like, the whole world.
None of this is just me either— this was pretty explicitly Ford’s character arc in the show and books. Ford himself admits as much: “don’t blame yourself [Stan], I’m the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery, you would have seen him for the scam artist he is”. Ford’s whole arc is about learning to let go of his ego and inflated self-importance, and recognize the value of others (namely, Stan). He always cared about others deeply, but he needed to let go of his self importance in order to truly appreciate and connect with them. He grows and learns and seeks to atone for his mistakes, which is exactly what makes him such a good character, and IMO such a likeable one.
Sorry this was so long. Make no mistake, I love Ford to pieces. He might be my favorite character tbh (either he or Dipper… Dip’s historically been my favorite, but I’ve developed a huge appreciation for Ford since rewatching the show recently). And I honestly really appreciate people like you that stick up for him, because he gets wayyy too much unfair hate in the fandom. I just think there is a lot of nuance in this topic, and it’s a tricky balance between trying not to victim blame while also not completely absolving Ford of accountability for the huge danger that he put others in, unintentional though it may have been.
Anyway though, peace and love, and keep defending our boy Stanford because this fandom is mean to him and he needs it!❤️🫡
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A critique of Battle Bladers
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As the final and most anticipated tournament in Metal Fusion since Yu requested a big competition, it’s safe to assume that Battle Bladers is the most iconic and important story arc in Metal Fusion, and one of the most iconic in the entire Metal saga. I will try to dissect exactly what makes this tournament stand out compared to previous and later events.
The Stakes
It's no surprise that the event was highly anticipated by the main cast, particularly Gingka, as it presented a precious opportunity to confront Ryuga and the Dark Nebula once and for all. Fulfilling this purpose was Gingka's main goal throughout Fusion, especially considering what he had "lost." As such, a second confrontation with the assumed murderer of his father was always expected to happen. What changed compared to the first time is that Ryuga is not only more powerful (having absorbed the power from other bladers) but more dangerous as well. We also catch a glimpse of Doji’s ambitions, which could lead to world destruction.
Comparing this to the World Championship, where most of the teams were not villainous—and even those that were weren’t trying to destroy the world—the stakes were less critical but still important. The goal was to see the efforts of Team Gan Gan Galaxy come to fruition and make their vision of Beyblade triumph. Regarding Gingka's final fight against Damian, it was significant on a more ideological level, as it determined which view of Beyblade should prevail. I would argue that even though Damian is a better foil to Gingka than Ryuga, the latter adds more stakes as he is more dangerous and untamed. In addition the antagonism between Gingka and Ryuga was built throughout the whole season. In Metal Fury, there are three main smaller tournaments, but the focus shifts more to the quest to find the legendary bladers, with the peak of the season culminating in the final fight against Nemesis.
The End of a Journey
This tournament represents the end of the first season, and for certain characters, it was their last chance to shine, while for others, it allowed them to display their development. I must first address one of the biggest criticisms I’ve seen regarding Battle Bladers: the underwhelming first round. Aside from two fights—Gingka vs. Yu and Hyoma vs. Reiji—most of the duels were finished quickly. If you compare that to the pitch of Battle Bladers, which was to decide who was the best blader in the world (even though it’s only in Japan), it might seem disappointing. I only partially agree with this assessment, as the first round actually serves several narrative purposes I will detail later. The downside is that characters like Teru and Hikaru weren't given a chance to shine. We could have at least had an interesting fight between Teru and Ryutaro, who both use air in their own unique ways.
Two of the characters that encapsulate the journey that was Metal Fusion are Kenta and Kyoya. Regarding Kenta, he was essentially a way for the audience to recognize themselves in the world of Beyblade. His design makes him stand out just enough to show that he isn’t a background character. He first started as a victim of the Face Hunters, and throughout the season, he developed his skills as well as relationships, notably with Gingka, Madoka, and Benkei. During Metal Fusion, we saw him evolve and grow: he created his special move, won tournaments, learned about the mechanics of Beyblades (with part-changing), traveled on his own, and went out of his way to help and teach Sora. All this evolution came into critical play during his fight with Reiji. Kenta started as the crybaby who could easily be bullied, and he ends up against the ultimate "bully": a sadist whose only interest in Beyblade is to destroy his opponent and their Beyblade. However, Kenta didn’t back down, and thanks to everything he went through and all he learned about Beyblade, Yu, and the Beyblade spirit, he was able to hold his own and briefly push Reiji into a corner. He lost the fight, but unlike Hyoma, he didn’t quit competitive blading, and he was even cheered on afterwards. This was, in fact, the beginning of his journey, as he was going to go even further thanks to his determination.
Kyoya's evolution is also quite interesting to watch: he started as a bored gang leader, undefeated until Gingka came along. He took the wrong path by following Doji, and after his second defeat, he corrected his way and became a loyal ally to Gingka, always helping him in times of need. Now, during Metal Fusion, Gingka and Kyoya worked closely together to stop L-Drago, while Kyoya never forgot his ultimate goal of defeating Gingka. Kyoya even adopted Gingka's views regarding Beyblade. During his final fight of the season, he displayed this newfound understanding. When he fought Ryuga, he thought about showing his blader spirit to Gingka, and he even told a possessed Ryuga that he wouldn’t allow him to "steal his blader spirit". This fight was actually vital for Gingka to beat L-Drago, as Kyoya demonstrated that Ryuga was also a blader who cared about the sport (in his own way). This was done by Kyoya provoking Ryuga into not using the dark power. This also led to L-Drago possessing Ryuga in front of everyone, showing that Ryuga was also a victim of the forbidden Beyblade (although this was not yet completely clear to Gingka). In a way, it was Kyoya’s turn to set Gingka on the right path, the path to victory.
The Ambiance
If there is something unique to Metal Fusion, it's the overall vibe and ambiance: compared to the other series, it is, in my opinion, darker and more sinister for several reasons, and I think Battle Bladers perfectly encapsulates that. The first is that the main characters (Gingka, Madoka, Kenta, Kyoya, and Benkei) are on their own and isolated. They can’t count on many people aside from Hikaru, Hyoma, and much later, Tsubasa. It is during Metal Masters that Gingka will extend his web of friends and allies. In Battle Bladers, the only support from the WBBA the group had was Tsubasa, who was sent as a spy (and not to directly help them). Tsubasa is strong, of course, but the WBBA also provided help in terms of information (notably concerning Ziggurat and the arrangement system) and transportation in later seasons. In Battle Bladers, Gingka’s gang found themselves directly fighting each Dark Nebula blader. Those bladers mainly consisted of opponents they had already faced and that instead of joining their cause, went with the ennemy. The second reason is that the setting is focused only on Japan, where a seemingly all-powerful evil organization appears to have influence everywhere. Doji was able to infiltrate Koma Village, after all. Even though the whole world was watching Battle Bladers, the characters are isolated from the rest of the world and seem to have little room for action. It was said that Battle Bladers was the only opportunity to defeat Ryuga. During the tournament proper, this is illustrated by the fact that it is controlled by the Dark Nebula, as Doji can decide who fights whom and even who will fight or not (according to himself).
The third reason for this sinister atmosphere is related to the beginning of the first round: a false sense of security. It also displays how strong the main gang has become. Think about it: half the contestants are from the Dark Nebula, and not only were four of them (half of their number) defeated quickly, moreover Gingka beat Yu, who was believed to be the Dark Nebula’s second-strongest blader. After Gingka's victory, the group becomes even more confident, seeing Ryuga's defeat as a more concrete outcome (which is especially true for Hikaru, who will battle him next). What happens next completely shifts the dynamic: Reiji defeats Hyoma, destroys his Beyblade, and reveals that he, like Ryuga, has a dark move. Right after that, Hikaru herself is defeated in a particularly brutal manner. This certainly illustrates that the game is far from being won, even after defeating more than half the Dark Nebula bladers and even after becoming stronger.
The final reason why Fusion is darker than Masters and Fury is linked to what Battle Bladers really is. It is presented as a tournament to determine who is the strongest blader, but the true goal is for Ryuga and L-Drago to absorb the power of the strongest bladers in Japan: it is an offering to L-Drago, a human sacrifice of some sort. It is during this Battle Bladers arc that Ryuga absorbs the power of the other Dark Nebula bladers, as well as Doji. Reiji’s only appearances in this arc is not random, as his main purpose is to make Gingka angry so L-Drago can defeat him and steal his power easily. Reiji is known for being a ruthless and sadistic blader, he surely contributed the unsettling atmosphere. During the final fight, we see the only example of body horror in the show: Ryuga transforming into a literal monster as he is consumed by L-Drago. Some might compare it to Nemesis’ true form, but here we actually see the transformation process. In addition, this form still displays a human shape and form, unlike Nemesis, so it is easier to relate to and feel horrified by Ryuga's state.
Overall, Battle Bladers is an excellent arc, particularly representative of the season. The dark and sinister tone would never be equaled by any other tournament. However, this might be a good thing, as Battle Bladers was never a real Beyblade tournament: it was an illustration of what Doji and the Dark Nebula planned to do with the Beyblade world. Aside from L-Drago's defeat, Battle Bladers also led to the World Championship, as everyone around the world became eager to be the strongest blader in the world.
#mfb#metal fight beyblade#beyblade metal fusion#ryuga beyblade#gingka hagane#kenta yumiya#kyoya tategami#madoka amano#benkei hanawa#doji beyblade#daidoji beyblade#reiji mizuchi#yu tendo
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the ultimate masterpost for my headcanons for sean prescott, nathan prescott, and mark jefferson! this will be linked on my pinned and updated as i make new metas! ever looking for something major? here it is!
sean and nathan - the diploma and photo
where does mark live?
an intro to what mark is like in max's nightmare sequence
dark room references
mark and max: an overlook
mark and rachel: an introspection
mark and rachel: a sequel discussing also chloe and rachel, featuring max and frank, and a bit about nathan as well as the jessi palmer lore drop ie 'the incident'
jessi vs. jessie vs. rachel: who is who?
difference between mark and nathan's work
prescott ranch house and barn meta
nathan and rachel
when does nathan come back to arcadia bay
sean and caroline: an introspection on nathan's parents
more about sean, caroline, and mark
nathan's cut note about rachel to mark
sean, nathan, and blackwell
nathan and victoria / pt 1. (a mostly canon overview)
nathan and victoria cycles post
more nathan and victoria
victoria fixes nathan's face for him
nathan's comfortability with going into victoria's dorm + the kate marsh situation
vortex club origins
nathan and "good touch"
sean paid for the bunker
sean and nathan discussion feat. nathan's rage
kristine prescott's email to nathan
sean and abuse
nathan's type
where does nathan hookup?
nathan's social life
nathan's bpd diagnosis
mark and drug use
"when writing mark..."
sean is interfering with the rachel amber case
clearing up mark's timeline and more about him
sean and mark: how they met / how we got here (with bonus content featuring nathan's mother)
mark and sean's in-game call
nathan and eating disorders
nathan's skin and hair color hex #
how mark and nathan operate together
nathan and post-coital tristesse
clarifying sean and nathan
nathan's computer and sean's correspondences
nathan and body language
prescott name meanings
nathan and taylor (v's bestie)
nathan cannot see shades of grey
sean and his mother
similarities between sean and nathan (and more)
nathan and v dance together / nathan loves dancing
sean and altruism
sean or mark? who is talking to nathan? it's sean
nathan and sorry
nathan's family (or at least dad) knows he's on drugs
nathan and his sexuality (LIS)
nathan is out of warren's league
nathan and warren 1
nathan and warren 2
nathan and warren childhood hc
why nathan is a second-year senior at blackwell, not a first / ie why is nathan 19, not 18
more about him being a second-year
caroline and kate parallels
nathan makes his own choices
nathan and "the un-self"
what would nathan think about the UD cast?
nathan's signature scent
nathan's cologne at parties (vortex is plumeria-coded to me)
all LIS colognes and perfumes i've made
constants and variables (from BSI to LIS)
why kate? (huge trigger warning)
more kate context
even more kate, nathan, and mark context including sean
comparing josh washington and nathan prescott's mental illnesses
sean’s bully tactic with nathan
portland is not right next to arcadia bay
stats about arcadia's bay population
how would nathan react to being "the victim" or "the model"
does nathan play football?
what drug is nathan using to dose girls?
mark and max's discussion about kate
mark and colorblindness
more on mark's colorblindness + how he sees rachel's earring
mark and kate's folder in the dark room
how the game deceives you of mark in the office and uses david to deter suspicion that nathan and mark are connected
warren and nathan's only non-violent scene / more mark and nathan deterrence from the game
does nathan have powers?
a follow up on a nathan with powers verse
nathan and chloe
a bit about nathan and chloe
mark and 'private pain' as well as more jessi stuff
nathan's persona and commentary about his photography habits
more about mark in the industry with bonus how rachel being missing is unusual ie she is the 'gone girl' of the series
more proof that rachel being missing is unusual
nathan's series of texts to max and sean's text to max
nathan and the police
all of nathan's actions even if you remove that he killed rachel and/or hurt kate plus removing him basically from the dark room entirely and why nathan is still dangerous
mark's family
kate has always stood out to mark
#sean prescott.#nathan prescott.#mark jefferson.#headcanon.#wow this is long#i didn't even include all of it fam
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I’m really confused why people hate James so much. There’s only one negative scene of his where he bullies Snape. There’s so many characters that do a lot worse than him and get phrased. The only character who hates James is Snape, everyone else seemed to love him. I’m not saying James wasn’t a bully, but I don’t think he’s was as bad as fandom is making him out to be. If James didn’t marry Lily and someone else did I don’t think that memory would and been his worst memory. I just find it funny how we have the same side of fandom who calls James vial and an abuser making death eaters such as Voldemort, Snape, Barty, Regulus, Evan, etc with victim background stories for their actions. You’re putting a group of people who tortured people for not having the same blood status as them on a higher pedestal than a 15 year old boy who was a bully and the worst memory someone has of him is turning him upside down while seeing his underwear. Voldemort and his followers were part of countless worst memories, and I can guarantee it’s not even comparable to what James did. And the worst part was they continued doing this into their adulthood and James grew the fuck up and became a better person. This same group also claims Draco was just a child and grew up to be a better person, but apparently that wasn’t possible for James. Like how? Everyone had nice things to say about James. Barely anyone but Slytherins liked Draco and I don’t tink that changed. Make it make sense.
To be fair, I'm not sure the side that makes up victim backgrounds for Barty, Regulus and Evan is the same side that dislikes James. Though I don't engage with them, so I could be wrong. But my impression of that side is that they barely care about anything more than piggybacking on an existing fandom to play with their own OCs, so I wouldn't put too much stock into how they justify who they like and who they don't.
The dislike of James goes further back to the '00s and the good ole debate of James vs. Snape. Some (many!) people just have empathized with Snape more; we see more of him, he's better-developed, his last appearance is the books is him practically begging for forgiveness and absolution through his memories. Some people are really into that. (I could add something about the Christian view of last minute repentance etc. etc., because the Christian themes are something that JKR has unashamedly engaged with, especially in the last book.)
Meanwhile, James's redemption happens off screen, and we don't get to really know him as a person. Which sucks, really, because when you think about it, he did pretty much what Snape did: kept some of his bad habits, but did some pretty great and self-sacrificing things that should ultimately count more.
(I don't want to get further into this debate right now. Please don't start commenting on how one did it better than the other; you will be ignored. The books were written to ultimately present them as two sides of the same coin - the guy who looks perfect at first but turns out to have a bad side, and the guy who looks horrible at first but turns out to have a good side.)
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people who are progressive online tend to make up unreasonable shit to get mad at so they feel better about harassing people they dont like, even when the thing they get mad at isnt something they get mad at usually
(This came in shortly after the r/systemscringe Hellenist decided to feign being upset because I mentioned Tartarus. 🙄)
So, yes... this can certainly a problem in left-leaning circles.
My host was in the Steven Universe Fandom when people tried to cyberbully a fan artist into committing suicide because she drew Rose Quartz a bit thinner than normal. There are definitely bullies out there who will take these issues way too far.
What I find striking in these cases is that anti-endo tactics far more resemble those of the alt-right.
See, in my experience, actual progressives, even if they go overboard, are genuinely upset over the thing they claim to be upset over.
The alt-right and other bigots learned these tactics to give themselves the appearance of the moral high ground while actually just using them to defend bigotry.
Gina Carano recently filed suit against Disney for firing her. Rather than argue "Disney is bad because they fired Gina Carano for transphobia" or "Gina Carano should have the right to compare right-wingers to holocaust victims," they instead went with this...
“Even though ‘the Force is female,’ Defendants chose to target a woman while looking the other way when it came to men. While Carano was fired, Defendants took no action against male actors who took equally or more vigorous and controversial positions on social media,”
An absolute load of BS, but one that takes the language of the oppressed to try to protect a bigot.
They don't really believe what they're saying for a moment. But they can use that to turn marginalized communities against each other. Make the narrative about transgender people vs women rather than good people vs transphobes.
The whole "tulpas are appropriation" narrative is an example of this. It was invented and pushed by bigots as a talking point to smear endogenic systems. A similar example is how people claimed faegender was appropriation as a way of driving a wedge in the transgender community and turn people against neopronoun users.
Ultimately, I feel this isn't a progressive tactic, but a regressive one that happens to be dressed up in progressive language.
#syscourse#appropriation#politics#political#gina carano#us politics#progressive politics#progressive#pro endo#pro endogenic#sysblr#multiplicity#system discourse#actually a system#hate group#hate groups
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Mikan Tsumiki VS Fluttershy [Danganronpa Survivor VS My Little Pony]
Hifumi: Mikan Tsumiki, the not-so eloquent Ultimate Nurse...
Leona: And Fluttershy, the not-so submissive Element of Kindness.
Hifumi: Kindness is compassion and love in perfect harmony. It is loving yourself enough to love those around you.
Leona: But despite their power, it seems these two clumsy, skittish, yet sweethearted companions are gonna need a little help with that...He's Hifumi, and I'm Leona!
Hifumi: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, talents and skills, to see who will win a DEATH BATTLE!
Leona: Back to standard procedure folks!
Hifumi: As we're already all familiar with by this point, Hope's Peak Academy is a school committed to assisting in the training of high school students who are at the top of their fields.
Leona: And as we mentioned before, when everyone at the academy thought their lives were set in stone, Tragedy struck! Literally
Hifumi: That of course, being the arrival of Junko Enoshima. Alongside her manipulation, scheming and casual feats of murder that she did for a bit of fun, her most notable feat of the Hope's Peak Tragedy was the brainwashing of Class 77, turning them into the Ultimate Despair, who then proceeded to wreak havoc on the world as we knew it.
Leona: Yeah, we've been over this...Though it is pretty sad. All of these guys were living such fruitful and happy lives before she came along...
Hifumi: Well, I wouldn't say ALL of them...Truth be told, aside from the likes of Izuru Kamukura and Nagito Komaeda, there is one member of the Ultimate Despair who stands out more than others...That would of course, be Mrs Mikan Tsumiki.
Leona: Huh...She seems pretty meek...
Hifumi: Well, that would be...HALF right. Mrs Tsumiki's early years were difficult, and that's putting it VERY lightly! She suffered from emotional and physical abuse at the hands of both family members and people she knew outside of that. She has talked about getting burned by cigarettes, getting smeared with mud, and getting splashed with water, among other things. The bullies would make her pay for their debts, make her eat bugs and make her act like animals, beat her up, cut her hair, draw on her, and use her as a dart target. At times, she was even told to undress.
Leona: Jesus fucking Christ! Those people are MONSTERS!
Hifumi: It's actually a lot worse than you may think. Because of the things she was subjected to, Mrs Tsumiki became so twisted, she began to see abuse as AFFECTION. Consequently, she turned into a very shy individual who believed that receiving negative treatment was preferable to receiving none at all.
Leona: What the FUCK man! Jesus, how can humanity be so fucking cruel! What did SHE do!?
Hifumi: So, it's no wonder that she ended up falling to Despair first. She was the first victim of the brainwashing, serving as Junko's guinie pig, and she took to it VERY well...Better than Junko could have dreamed.
Leona: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by that...
Hifumi: It's unclear what happened or why, but Mrs Tsumiki became sickeningly obsessed with Junko Enoshima. Like Harley Quinn with the Joker, she subjected her body and soul for the sake of Junko, and to causing as much despair as possible in her name. Her obsession was so strong, it broke through the memory suppression of the Neo World Program when she and her classmates were trapped in it, and following Junko's death, not only did she try to copulate with her corpse, but she cut out her own uterus and replaced it with the corpse's
Leona: I'm gonna be sick...!
Leona does indeed go a shade of green and turn around to vomit in the corner.
Hifumi: I had figured you already knew this...I apologize.
Leona: Can we like...maybe take a step back? We're moving through this a bit too fast...
Hifumi: Right, right, of course...Mikan Tsumiki learned how to take care of herself at a very young age because no one was there to tend to her wounds. As her proficiency in this area increased, she developed an interest in nursing and was eventually brought on as the Ultimate Nurse by Hope's Peak Academy.
Leona: Because of this, she's very intellectual about medicine and healthcare, and on multiple occasions, she's been able to save her allies even when they're basically as good as dead. She also knows exactly how much anesthetic and painkillers to exhibit to a person to knock them out without killing them.
Hifumi: Which is extremely important to her own unique way of fighting and taking down her opponents, because believe it or not, past all the emotional damage and timid nature, this skittish nurse lady is...kind of a badass!
Leona: Mikan seems to give this idea that she's a harmless, good-for-nothing girl who couldn't hurt a fly, but NONE of this is true. If you let your guard down around her or find yourself at the end of her anger, you might find yourself being thoroughly PENATRATED by her MASSIVE...! GIRTHY...! Syringe!
Hifumi: You had me for a minute.
Leona: Given the shit this chick does, I think the dirty jokes are appropriate here.
Hifumi: In all seriousness, Mrs Tsumiki has used this syringe a few times, most notably during her confrontations with Future Foundation's Ultimate Elite Task Force, specifically the Ultimate Nail Artist, as well as Nagito Komaeda.
Leona: Why does EVERYONE want to fight Nagito Komaeda!?
Hifumi: It's not like we want to, it's just that he's VERY punchable. But the difference between her and the others whom have fought him is...believe it or not, she was able to take him out.
Leona: SHE DID!?
Hifumi: Well...KIND of...She was able to run circles around him and trap him, applying her skills with stealth and smarts to get the victory, but ultimately knocked him out by distributing repeated shots of sleeping drugs to him. This only took effect AFTER his fight with Izuru Kamukura though, so it's more like she came and got the last hit in when he was already on low health. Doesn't take away from her other achievements though.
Leona: The syringe can be used to scratch and stab a bitch with it's needle, but it also holds what is basically a tub of anesthetic medicine. If she impales someone with it and gets all up inside them, she can let her juices flow through them, and this she-devil's juices are DEADLY, even more than usual.
Hifumi: You need to stop.
Leona: If I didn't say it, you would!
Hifumi: Dirty jokes aside, anesthesia and sleeping drugs are a powerful weapon when used right, especially in the hands of someone experienced giving shots to people. Distributing enough of this can have some heavy side effects. Agitation, disorientation, lightheadedness, somnolence, dysphoria, changes in hearing, tinnitus, perioral numbness, metallic taste, and dysarthria can all result from an overdose. These warning signs and symptoms can develop into seizures, respiratory arrest, coma, and ultimately death if they are not properly identified and treated quickly.
Leona: But that thing sure looks big dumb and heavy. Wielding it can't be easy. How much does it weigh exactly?
Hifumi: Oh, about 150 lbs.
Leona: Oh, ok-WHAT!?
Hifumi: Not only is the syringe pretty hefty on it's own, but Mrs Tsumiki has stated that the syringe can hold up to 18 gallons of sedative liquid inside it. The density of the anesthetic is obviously much thicker than water, but that would at least put it to at least 150 lbs, which for reference, is about the weight of a dirt bike.
Leona: And she's just lugging that thing around no problem?
Hifumi: Obviously, Mrs Tsumiki isn't something like Mr Nidai, who could probably wield the heavy thing like a spear if he wanted, so her attacks using her trademark weapon are usually a little sluggish, so assuming you can outspeed her, it won't be much of a problem. However, if a hit DOES land, kiss your ass and your consciousness goodbye!
Leona: And even if it doesn't, Mikan's got ways around this problem...In the form of OTHER weapons! MORE NEEDLES!
Hifumi: She is indeed a Trypanophobists nightmare, as well as a nightmare for everyone else. On top of having a giant syringe as her main weapon, Mrs Tsumiki has also been known to employ smaller syringes as weapons, which she uses kind of like throwing knives. The syringes have a unique property in that the moment they pierce flesh, they apply whatever liquid is inside them, which again, is usually sedative anesthetic, albeit on a much smaller level than her main weapon.
Leona: They also sometimes contain painkillers or other sorts of medicines, usually created with Seiko Kimura's help, that Mikan can use on herself and her allies to pep them up. And she's got killer accuracy too. Plus, she has a surgical scalpel on hand for an emergency. It's honestly kinda weird...I wouldn't expect such feats from someone this emotionally unstable and...honestly, clumsy.
Hifumi: Yes, it's a well known fact that Mrs Tsumiki has a tendency to accidentally fall over in compromising positions, however, though she doesn't always outright admit it, it's implied that this was all an act. Due to her diseased mind, Mrs Tsumiki didn't become a nurse mainly out of her desire to help people, but actually upon recognizing the likelihood that she could feel in control of sick and injured people. After all, people who are sick are, by default, weaker, and they would have to rely entirely on her since they were the weaker party, and she would be in charge of their lives.
Leona: That's...kinda fucked up actually, but hey, I get it. She's seen some shit.
Hifumi: Fortunately or unfortunately, this endless abuse didn't stop even as an Ultimate Despair. Though she gave her life and everything else to Junko's cause, and claimed COUNTLESS victims, possessing one of the highest kill counts among the remnants, she was eventually captured and placed into the Neo World Program by the Future Foundation, which was then taken over by Junko's AI, and she was subsequently forced into the second killing game.
Leona: During which, her abilities and own physical capabilities really shone through. As we said already, Mikan was the only one who was able to remember her life as a Remnant of Despair, likely because her love for Junko was so insanely strong. Shortly after Monokuma hit the group with the Despair Disease, Mikan concocted and pulled off a plan of her own, which resulted in the deaths of BOTH Ibuki Mioda and Hiyoko Saionji. Speaking of which, let's talk about that quickly!
Hifumi: Nobody looks upon this moment favorably, let's be honest, but to be frank, this plan was BEYOND impressive in terms of how it's pulled off! Namely because of the amount of speed and timing that would be needed to pull it off.
Leona: We don't really need to go into specifics, but to summarize, during her plan, Mikan ran from the hospital to the music venue, smashed a bunch of electronics, changed the temperature of the room, tore off the wallpaper hiding Hiyoko's body, glued the door shut and runs all the way to the motel just as Hajime is meeting up with his friends. Based on the relative amount of time it takes for Hajime to meet up with the others, Mikan's window of opportunity was a minute at least and 2 minutes at most.
Hifumi: Which is frankly an almost impossible feat of strength and power coming from someone like her, but we can talk more about that in a minute. Following the conclusion of the Killing Game, Mrs Tsumiki was one of the first people to be brought back to life in the other side, but unfortunately...the influence of the disease remained.
Leona: Perhaps it's because Mikan technically got two doses of the brainwashing, or because she remembered during the Killing Game; but either way, Mikan came back still as a remnant self, and caused a lot of trouble, especially since the object of her affection didn't remain in the world any longer, with both her real and AI self having been wiped out. Fortunately, Hajime and the others weren't about to give up on her, even after everything she did.
Hifumi: Ironically, Ibuki Mioda, a fellow Remnant, was the primary defender of Mikan's second chance, despite being one of her victims in the Killing Game. She assisted Mikan in recovering from the trauma and returning to a generally stable state of mind. And there was a lot of trauma to work through, in case we didn't convey that already.
Leona: I guess in the end, all she ever needed to get over her damaged body and mind was a healthy relationship. And she got MORE than that when it came to Ibuki! Turns out our loveable nurse isn't TOTALLY terrible with women! Then again, as simple as I am, I wouldn't be quick to enter a loving relationship with a girl who murdered me once before...
Hifumi: Mrs Tsumiki went on to rebuild her classmates' faith and trust in her, helping the Future Foundation with medical needs and healing people this time for the right reasons. Even though she is still emotionally hesitant and timid most of the time, she makes an effort to apply herself in the fight for good and works on growing rather than letting her past or her flaws define her. With all that being said...there WERE some problems.
Leona: Yeah, it turns out that even after restoring her honor, she still felt an itch...a craving for Despair...But she tried her best to suppress it for the sake of her classmates around her. She would never have dreamed of hurting her friends anymore, but she continued to relish the thoughts, and hated herself for it. However, she eventually learned to follow the old saying "If you can't lose it? USE it!"
Hifumi: I think you're misremembering "If you can't beat them, join them," but I suppose that works better here. Whenever things are at their bleakest, Mikan Tsumiki learned to instead of giving in to her lingering psychopathic tendencies, she would WEAPONIZE them.
Leona: We in the analysis business give this idea a neat little name of "DESPAIR RAGE!" You know that meme of the doctor with the gun? "I'm a healer, but..." that one? Yeah, that's Mikan when she's in this state.
Hifumi: Not only does she become inherently more violent and destructive in this state, throwing most of her morality and conscious decisions to the wind, but Mrs Tsumiki also becomes more sociopathic, sometimes outright toying with her enemies, like she did to Nagito Komaeda when she had him at her mercy. While the state doesn't necessarily make her STRONGER, it does stop her from holding back in any way, shape or regard.
Leona: On that note, to close out this segment, why don't we quickly go over some statistical feats? We've already established that she's really strong and fast, but despite her surprising strength, Mikan has a hard time applying that to fights. She IS a medic after all, not really a soldier, and applies most of her skills to healing wounds instead of causing them, unless it's as a last resort.
Hifumi: Which is why when Mrs Tsumiki is faced with combat, she chooses to less rely on strength and durability, and opts more for speed and smarts. Like hiding in the shadows to land a sneak attack, or setting and luring her opponents into traps. It helps that she seems to have an innate stealth ability and keen strategical prowess.
Leona: I guess when you're not capable of setting off nukes by taking a shit, this is the best you can do. Speaking of traps and durability though, I'd have to say her most impressive feat is the fact that she fought Nagito Komaeda in such a confined environment! And when he was an Ultimate Hope too!
Hifumi: I'm inclined to agree. Do you remember how we mentioned in our first matchup that Makoto Naegi was able to survive being thrown through a solid ceiling and walls? Well, during her fight against Komaeda, Mrs Tsumiki did the same thing! SEVERAL MORE TIMES IN QUICK SUCCESSION in fact!
Leona: As a reminder, we calculated in the third episode with Akane that the amount of energy required to send someone crashing through a solid stone wall 31.572 grams of TNT, since Akane herself did it with Nagito earlier in the same arc. Mikan's feat is significantly less impressive since the number of walls she was thrown through were thinner and fewer, but it's still an unbelievable feat for someone to survive, and that's not even mentioning what happened afterwards!
Hifumi: Mrs Tsumiki's penultimate plan was to keep Mr Komaeda distracted until the Future Foundation had enough time to blow up the building with the both of them inside it. This ultimately didn't do much in terms of stopping Komaeda, but the entire buildings collapse didn't kill HER either! She escaped with several wounds and a completely mangled foot, but with her life.
Leona: So all in all, just remember that if you ever tick this seemingly timid and sweet caretaker off, you may find yourself in a state worse than death. An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay!
Leona: We're about to get into some serious shit with this one, and no, I'm not kidding, so hold your horses.
Hifumi: Was that a pun, or did you say that on accident?
Leona: Welcome to the land of Equestria, a magical kingdom full of rolling plains, beautiful mountain ranges, and rainbows! A place where you just can't help but be happy! One of the places you'll find in this magical realm is Cloudsdale! Home of the Pegasuses...or Pegasi...or...Pegacivilians...Take your pick.
Hifumi: While Unicorns are known for their magic, and Earth Ponies are known for their connection to nature, their ability to fly, walk on clouds, and manipulate the weather are what makes the Pegasi unique.
Leona: Here's some juicy lore for you folks out there who stupidly thought that this was a simple toy franchise for little girls - The Pegasi are portrayed as a militaristic, organized tribe with a well-established fighting force and a cloud home filled with war-themed monuments. Members of the original Pegasus Tribe were in charge of weather control in exchange for food harvested by Earth ponies. To sum it up, the Pegasissies in the world of My Little Pony are kind of like Saiyan's in Dragon Ball, or at least a similar premise. Yes, really.
Hifumi: And just like it was with the Saiyan's and Son Goku, there's one Pony in particular who doesn't quite fit in line with the legacy of their bloodline. We can certainly see the warrior influence in Rainbow Dash, a previous DB competitor, but far from it in her best friend...The peace-loving, hug-mongering Fluttershy.
Leona: As someone who, to probably no one's surprised, is obsessed with MLP, allow me to take over most of the historical analysis here. As Hifumi just mentioned, Fluttershy, even as a filly, was not like the other Pegasusans in Cloudsdale. In fact, she was quite a notorious outcast who didn't fit in, nor get along with many of the others around her.
Hifumi: Mainly due to how she had a taller, ganglier body and larger wings, but also wasn't a very good flier, despite that basically being the Pegasi's thing. It would kind of be like if someone made fun of you for not being able to walk properly because you have a bonky leg, which...Yeah, that's...
Leona: Yeah, kinda fucked up, right!? My Little Pony addresses ABLEISM, and very early on in fact! She was given the rather disgraceful nickname of "Klutzershy" from the colts because of her clumsy nature, but a young Rainbow Dash stood up for her. She challenged Fluttershy's bullies to a race, but then...things went a LITTLE wrong...
Hifumi: During the race, Rainbow Dash and the bullies accidentally knocked Fluttershy off the clouds and down to the ground below, but she was conveniently saved by landing on a group of butterflies. However, this was the first time she had ever been outside of Cloudsdale and was unfamiliar with the world around her, and Fluttershy was overwhelmed by seeing the beauty of the animals and the greenery for the first time.
Leona: So much so that she started to sing a merry tune. You know, as you do. But a few moments later, Rainbow Dash, who had been frightened by Fluttershy's fall, burst in so fast to find her, she created a sonic rainboom that startled the animals and scared them into hiding.
Hifumi: Fortunately, it was here that Fluttershy discovered her true calling in life. She might not have been as fast, or as brave as the rest of her people, but learned that she had a gift for talking to animals, after managing to quiet the critters down after the scare. Moments later, she earned her Cutie Mark.
Leona: And no, that's not a euphemism for something. The cutie marks are obtained when Ponies discover a unique characteristic that sets themselves apart from others. Effectively, if she existed in our universe, this would the the symbol of Fluttershy's Ultimate Talent.
Hifumi: With time, Fluttershy established herself as one of the members of the Guardians of Friendship, or as the community calls them, the Mane 6, alongside Rainbow Dash, as well as Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Unfortunately, even once she was a fully grown adult pony, her timidness and shyness didn't go away. I mean, it's in her name obviously, but she's typically very pacifistic and somewhat cowardly, possesses severe stage fright, and she was so shy in the first half of the series that she could hardly speak in front of strangers and that she was unable to say "no" when asked to do something that she didn't want to do.
Leona: But again, that's what makes it so weird and baffling, because just like her opponent, this "crouching moron" is a "hidden badass!"
Hifumi: Even early on in the series when it's most sold that Fluttershy is weaker than most Pegasi around her, it's also proven to NOT be the case. It may mainly be because of her lack of confidence in herself, but at her peak when she throws this to the wayside, usually out of fear or anger, she has the potential to be stronger AND faster than even Rainbow Dash.
Leona: She WAS able to outfly Rainbow Dash while towing two other ponies in a hot-air balloon, and kept up with her when creating a tornado. Something that the Pegasussusamongus do as part of their rituals in Equastria, and even though she's noted to not be as good at base level as the rest of her people, she SHOULD realistically be capable of this feat at her full potential.
Hifumi: You did that one on purpose...
Leona: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't?
Hifumi: You DEFINITELY did!
Leona: She's also ran the entire Running of the Leaves, a very intense running race, without showing a notable decrease in stamina, and her ability to empathize and communicate with animals has helped both herself and her allies in tight jams before. However, on top of all these wacky powers and abilities, there's one that really stands out that only she possesses...THE STARE! DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
Hifumi: The Stare is, in short, Fluttershy glaring at you angrily like a disappointed mother, and she usually uses this look on misbehaving animals. While this doesn't sound THAT intimidating coming from a soft-spoken pony like her, it's proven to ACTUALLY be quite powerful, so much so that Fluttershy openly says she only employs it in life or death situations, or to maintain order. It's so effective, she was able to use it to tame a cockatrice!
Leona: Kind of like Medusa, staring a cockatrice in the eyes turns you to stone, which it did once to Twilight Sparkle. However, Fluttershy employed the stare on it, looking it dead in the eyes, and actually got it to RELENT, causing her own petrification to be reversed, as well as Twilight's.
Hifumi: However, despite how powerful this "Stare" really is, it has it's limitations. Namely, it's shown not working on powerful and/or chaotic and unrelenting creatures like the infamous Discord, who merely laughed in Fluttershy's face when she tried to use it on him. It also seems to have absolutely no effect on more aggressive creatures like Flash Bees.
Leona: But even amongst the incredible feats of the Pegusfring's, and her own powers like the stare, Fluttershy's main source of power comes from her own special magic. The Mane 6 are capable of wielding these special artifacts called the Elements of Harmony.
Hifumi: In the My Little Pony universe, the Elements of Harmony are commonly described as "the most powerful magic known to Ponydom." Thousands of years ago, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna discovered them and removed them from the Tree of Harmony. Every artifact symbolizes a facet of friendship and becomes active only when the wielder possesses the matching trait and when all six are used together.
Leona: That being said, Twilight Sparkle was able to use the Element of Magic by herself in Equestria Girls, so the latter part isn't exactly true. In the case of Fluttershy though, she wields the Element of Kindness!
Hifumi: The Kindness Element is represented by a pink butterfly-shaped gem set in a gold necklace, resembling the butterflies in Fluttershy's Cutie Mark. Though it's only really ever used as a last resort, using the Element of Kindness, Fluttershy can restore peace and balance in moments of complete and total anarchy. Aside from granting Fluttershy special magical powers like generating forcefields, the Element can be used to banish different villains to different planes of existence, like the moon, Tartarus, or limbo, or it can be used to imprison something, like when it was used to imprison Discord in stone.
Leona: Yeah, Tartarus is a thing in My Little Pony. I told you, the lore fucks! And if you didn't think THAT was crazy, the Element can also summon a rainbow tornado that no matter what, completely engulfs its target! If they are evil or opposed to harmony, this tornado will completely change their morality and they will show remorse for their actions!
Hifumi: A very fitting power for someone like Fluttershy, who even without the Element's power is already kindness and sympathy incarnate? Do you remember how we brought up Discord? He's a Draconequus who is LITERALLY the physical embodiment of disharmony and chaos, and was originally one of the ponies most terrifying foes.
Leona: Emphasis on "originally," because thanks to Fluttershy's kindness and her willingness to see the good in people; even after he went on to cause even more trouble for her and her friends, she was not only able to REFORM Discord of his evil ways, but became his best buddy! And potential love interest as a lot of the fandom will tell you, but that's a discussion for another time. So yeah, if anyone's gonna wield the Element of Kindness, it's Fluttershy!
Hifumi: To make things even worse for any enemy that might have the gall to underestimate her, Fluttershy is also capable of boosting her power through the last means you might expect from MLP, but then again, that seems to be a running theme...Transformation!
Leona: We could be here all day talking about this but to sum it up, there's basically this tree that has a chest, and unlocking this chest unleashes this ancient power inside it that allows the Mane 6, including Fluttershy, to take on the POWER OF THE RAINBOWS! Or...Rainbow Power as it's called.
Hifumi: The Rainbow Power is only briefly seen, but following the opening of the chest, Fluttershy and her companions all gained more magic and underwent physical transformations. The Mane 6 used this power to defeat Lord Tirek, after he stole Twilight's powers, along with the magic of the entire population of Equestria! And that includes, Celestia, Luna and Discord's power!
Leona: The Rainbow Power and transformation bestows Fluttershy with all the same powers as the Element of Kindness tenfold! When she and her friends used it following the overpowered Tirek's rampage, she returned the stolen flight, strength, and magic back to the ponies of Equestria, even the Alicorns, and it also gives her powers like unlimited flight, powerful forcefield creation, summoning a gigantic spiritual Alicorn to aid in battle, and even increased Banishment powers like when she sent Tiren back to Tartarus with it.
Hifumi: And to top it all off, that's not the only transformation that Fluttershy possesses. She's also capable of taking on her own unique, and honestly rather deadly form...the Flutterbat!
Leona: So not only is Fluttershy at her peak a weather controller, multiversal goddess and the living embodiment of the concept of Kindness, she's also a FUCKING VAMPIRE! MY LITTLE PONY EVERYBODY!
Hifumi: To be more specific, Fluttershy became a vampire fruit bat-pony hybrid when Twilight unintentionally transferred the vampire fruit bats' desires to her. Her cutie mark transforms into three pink bats, and she gets fangs, bat wings, red eyes, and bat-like ears. She was able to outmaneuver the other ponies in the air with ease while squeezing the juice from apples and spitting out their seeds in this form.
Leona: So think a vampire that sucks on apple juice instead of blood. Twilight eventually managed to restore her back to normal, but at the end of the episode, Fluttershy retained a small fang, and later took the form of Flutterbat again to help Princess Luna defeat the Tantabus.
Hifumi: All in all, there's a LOT to Fluttershy than meets the eye, and thinking she's an easy target is a recipe for one's downfall. She has so forcefully bucked the back ends of two garbage wagonloads that they have flipped over to the vertical position and back again, skillfully wrestled a bear while trying to give it a massage, and withstood an attack from Sunset Shimmer when she herself was using the Element of Magic.
Leona: In one episode, she and Bulk Biceps, a very muscular Pegasoo, collided into a mountainside with such force that an indent was formed, and Fluttershy was crushed beneath Bulk's larger body. She is stuck on him when he flies off, but she appears surprised rather than pained, and in the following scenes, she is perfectly fine! She's also successfully defended herself against Iron Will, a really buff minotaur dude, fought and overpowered Cozy Glow for a time, stood up to a giant dragon despite her innate fear of them, and fought an army of Changelings, insect-like beings who feed off the love of others to gain power for their own.
Hifumi: Fluttershy may easily lose her cool when she's angered, and she may be cripplingly afraid of many things, but there's one indisputable fact about her. She's a VALID and DESERVING member of the Mane 6, and will pull her weight when she needs to, no matter what comes her way.
Hifumi: Alright, the combatants are set! We've run the data through all possibilities!
Leona: IT'S TIME FOR A DEEAAATH BAAATTLLLLLLEEE!
WARNING:The following battle contains actions of extreme violence committed on a character from My Little Pony. We understand this sort of graphic content and description can perturb some readers, so while we don't normally give this warning, we will here. Should you wish to skip straight to the results, by all means do so.You have been warned.
The scene opens to into a peaceful setting within the middle of a quiet orchard on a sunny day in Equestria. The birds are singing, the animals are casually playing around.
This peace however, is interrupted by a terrified scream, as Mikan Tsumiki comes bursting into the clearing, crying and panicked, literally pulling her hair out.
Mikan: Where am I!? What's going on!? WHERE AM I!? WHAT'S GOING ON!?
Freaked out and scared at having randomly ended up in this strange and unfamiliar location, Mikan's mental state is rapidly crumbling, and the animals around her run for safety, feeling threatened by her frankly overwhelming presence.
Meanwhile, not too far away, several more animals gather around a yellow and pink pony, tending to them and singing to them while doing so.
Fluttershy: ♪ I like the quiet, I like the calm...To turn it up, to sing along...I'm not just shy...Look close, and you will see...There's so much more to♪ -HUH!?
Fluttershy's soothing melody is swiftly interrupted as the animals cries from beyond the shrubbery grow closer. She lifts her head and sees several critters scurry from the bushes, followed by a clumsy, stumbling, purple-haired nurse, who trips over the branches and lands on her face. She quickly lifts her head to see Fluttershy staring back at her with astonishment.
Fluttershy: A human...!?
Mikan: KYAGH!? A-A t-t-talking horse!?
Fluttershy: How did you get here!? A-And why are you scaring the precious little animals away!?
Mikan: Wh-What!? No, no, no! Th-That's not what I
*CRUNCH!*
Fluttershy: HEEE!?
Mikan: EEEP!
Fluttershy, the animals and even Mikan herself gasp in horror, as Mikan gets to her feet and accidentally steps forward on top of a small mouse. The mouse squeaks in pain as it's crushed beneath her foot.
Fluttershy: Oh no! H-Hold on! I can help-!
*WHOOOSH!*
Mikan: AAGGGGH I'm SORRRYYYYY!
*SMACK!*
Fluttershy: GUGH!
Mikan: Agh...TCH!
Mistaking her approach for her trying to avenge the creature, Mikan fends Fluttershy off by grabbing her syringe from behind her back and swatting her away with it when she flies in to supposedly attack. Mikan looks back and forth between her weapon and her now opponent, her expression darkening as she realizes it's far too late for peaceful negotiations.
Though Fluttershy seems hesitant, she agrees to the duel regardless. With the exception of one deer who quickly grabs the poor mouse's body first, the rest of the animals quickly scarper, leaving the area open, as the fight begins!
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Though initially trying to go in for the first blow, Fluttershy starts the fight by staying on the defensive. Mikan hoists her giant syringe up and takes some hefty swings. Though even in a panicked and confused state, Fluttershy easily avoids them.
*SHUNK!*
Fluttershy: KUGH!
Mikan: HUAGH!
*POW!*
Fluttershy: Haah...! U-Uwagh...Ngh...CHAGH!
Mikan: OOF!
When Mikan eventually gets a hit in while Fluttershy is at her most vulnerable, he punches the plunger to inject Fluttershy with the viscous anesthetic fluid inside. Fluttershy manages to break free just in time, and despite feeling lightheaded due to the anesthetic's effects, she counterattacks by using her front hooves to kick Mikan.
Fluttershy takes a moment while she has breathing room to check her wound. Seeing that she's slightly bleeding, she quickly wipes the wound with her hoof as Mikan recovers from her previous attack.
Mikan: What is going on...!? A-Am I hallucinating!? Is this some kind of dream...!?
Fluttershy notices that Mikan is panicking and in this moment, takes some sympathy on her.
Fluttershy: Hey, um...It occurs to me that we...may have jumped to conclusions before...You don't have to be so scared-
Mikan: N-No! GET AWAY FROM ME!
Mikan pulls out a bunch of smaller throwing syringes from her apron. Crying her eyes out in fear, she throws a barrage of them at Fluttershy, trying to turn the Pegasus into a pincushion.
Fluttershy: EEK!
Fluttershy's eyes widen as she sees these needles incoming, and she quickly rolls to the side and dashes out of the way. She flies forward, but looks back, worried that the needles might hit any of the animals.
Fortunately, they collide with the trunk of a thick tree and get stuck. Unfortunately, Fluttershy, not looking where she's going, bumps into Mikan. The two clatter to the floor, the latter in a rather compromising position that she quickly covers up.
Mikan: KYAAGH!
Fluttershy: Oh, sorry! I'm so sorry!
Mikan: No, that was my-Ugh...It's ok...Hold on, let me-
Fluttershy: N-No, let me get this for-OOF! My, this is REALLY heavy!
Mikan: No, no, I've got it! Thank you though...
Fluttershy: Sorry, I wasn't looking!
Mikan: No, seriously, thank you!
Fluttershy: Anytime!
Mikan & Fluttershy: Huh? Wait...Oh, DANGIT!
After a brief distraction, in which Fluttershy helps Mikan to her feet and tries to hand her back her primary weapon, the two forget that they're supposed to be fighting and cuss themselves out for it. Mikan takes the first strike, almost pinning Fluttershy to the ground with her heavy weapon before the Pegasus shoves her backwards.
*WHOOSH!*
Mikan: Huh!? WAH-!?
*CRACK!*
Mikan: GUAAAGGH!
*SLAM!*
Mikan: OHOUGH!
Fluttershy: HEEEH!
In quick succession, Fluttershy darts between Mikan's legs, kicks her square in the back from behind, grabs her legs and pins her to the ground, similarly to how she does when she's massaging bears, though this is done with the intention of holding Mikan still on the ground.
Fluttershy: Please, just listen to me! I'm sorry I scared you! We don't have to be fighting like this!
Mikan: Haah...! Haaah...! Haaaah...! NRGH!
Fluttershy: YOWCH!
Fluttershy's wishes for peace aren't granted. Mikan gets Fluttershy off of her by grabbing another small needle and stabbing her in the ankle, injecting more of the fluid. Mikan throws Fluttershy off of her, grabs her big weapon, and dives into the trees.
Fluttershy: Wait...! C-Come back...!
Fluttershy calls after her, but the anesthetic makes her even more dizzy, and she's unable to see straight for a moment. Mikan on the other hand, hides behind a rather thick tree trunk in a darker part of the orchard, cradling her body and starting to hyperventilate.
Mikan: What do I do...!? What do I do...!? I don't even know where I am and I...I...!
You hurt them...
Mikan: Geh!?
It never ends...You hurt everybody...
Mikan: Stop...!
She'll kill you...
Mikan: No, no...!
She should...
Mikan: Grrgh...!
Die, you piece of shit...!
Mikan: Forgive me...! Please...forgive me...! I...
She slowly rises to her feet. She then slowly lifts her head, her expression having changed dramatically. The tears stop flowing, her lips stop quivering, she holds her syringe with a tight grip, and her eyes become swirled with layers and layers of anguish and darkness.
Mikan: I won't stop...until you FORGIVE ME!
Fluttershy: Please, c-come out...! I can help you...!
Fluttershy stirs as she suddenly hears the sound of something fast through the leaves behind her. She quickly turns around, but only sees traces of something that was there. She hears the same sound again and turns again, seeing the same thing.
Fluttershy: Human...? Wh-Where are you...!?
Mikan: Here...!
Fluttershy: HUH!?
*SHUUNK!*
Fluttershy: GHAAAAGH!
Fluttershy screams in agony as without a word of warning, besides Mikan's sadistic teasing, she feels the incredibly sharp pang of the giant needle in the back of her body! Though being restrained, Fluttershy turns her head enough to see that Mikan's timid demeanor has gone, and now the look in her eyes bares naught but a despairful rage.
Mikan: Heeheheheheheh! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAGH!
Fluttershy: OOPH! RRGGGH!
Mikan: Heeeehehh...Hehehehhehehhheeegh...!
Mikan grabs Fluttershy by her jaw with one hand, holding onto the pony tightly as she uses her other to pump her full of the drugs in her weapon. Fluttershy's vision slowly begins to go dark, and the more the anesthetic enters her system, the weaker she gradually becomes, allowing Mikan to dominate her; baring a sadistic and perverse smile all the while.
Mikan then, to add insult to the very painful injury, kicks Fluttershy onto the ground and bounces off her into the air. While airborne, she once again reaches into her apron and produces several more syringes, which she holds between her fingers. She smiles down at Fluttershy, sticking out her tongue, sweating, and with a face-wide blush of ecstacy.
Mikan: Here's your PRESCRIPTION!
*SHUNK!* *SHUNK!* *SHUNK SHUNK* *SHUNNKKK!*
Fluttershy: KYAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!
The pain is agonizing! Fluttershy is injected with multiple sharp objects all over her body, pumping her full of drugs and rendering her nearly incapacitated and in immense pain, despite the needles causing little bleeding. She begins to lose sensation in her legs and her vision begins to warp. Mikan lands, picks up her enormous syringe, and moves slowly toward the Pegasus, raising the needle above her head for the final blow. All Fluttershy can do is crawl forward helplessly.
Fluttershy: No...Please...d-don't...! Huh?
Though her vision is still shaky, Fluttershy looks forward and meets eyes with a lone fruit bat, which is passing through, unaware of what's really going on with the situation and just looking for apples to eat in the orchard.
The bat glares into her eyes, and despite her agony, something stirs within Fluttershy, and her eyes widen, only to morph into an enraged and deranged frown as she feels her body begin to change...! Meanwhile, Mikan finally lets her chunky syringe fall down towards her head!
Mikan: DIE!
However, much to Mikan's surprise, as soon as she brings the needle down on Fluttershy, the pony disappears. This time, it's HER turn to be surprised when she senses a presence behind her...!
Flutterbat: *HIISSSS*
Mikan: GUAGH! GAGH! *SPLUTTER!*
Fluttershy, now FlutterBAT, smacks Mikan with her now hefty tail, sending her crashing into another tree trunk. Mikan lazily crawls to her feet and glares back at her attacker, who menacingly hangs upside down from a tree branch sucking on an apple.
Mikan: Filthy fucking rabies infested CREATURE!
Flutterbat: *SCREEEECCH!*
Mikan yells these enraged words out while hoisting her syringe over her shoulder before sprinting back into the fray. Similarly, Flutterbat drops from her perch and flies toward the Ultimate Nurse like small plane.
The sheer force of Flutterbat's wings almost knocks Mikan over, but she manages to stand and stabs Fluttershy with her syringe once more. This time, though, she sees that it does much less to slow Fluttershy down.
Mikan: What in the hell ARE you, freak!?
Flutterbat: *SCREEEECCH!*
Flutterbat, naturally, has nothing to say in response, and Mikan's frustration at not being able to gain the upper hand over her opponent grows. But Flutterbat also has trouble dealing Mikan any significant damage. She attempts to bite Mikan in retaliation, but the nurse dodges it and kicks her out of the way, only to have a gust of wind throw her back in turn.
Flutterbat: *HIISSSS*
Mikan: KYRRAAAAAGGH!
Mikan and Flutterbat trade violent blows, with Mikan using her syringe to hit Flutterbat and the former using her tail, sending each other flying back into the trees.
Flutterbat: Agh...Ngh...Hm?
Mikan: Haah...Hagh...HRGH! Huuh! Huuh! Huuh!
The blow into the tree has an interesting effect on Flutterbat as the transformation and continued fighting frees her of the initial effects of Mikan's drug-induced lunacy, making her vaguely come to her senses. When the pony sees the Nurse hyperventilating, clearly in a state of a panic attack, her reason comes back to her.
With it, Flutterbat drops out of her transformation and becomes Fluttershy again. Mikan's panic attack leaves her open to another blow, but Fluttershy refrains.
Before she can do or say anything, the animals from earlier slowly poke their heads out from the bushes, sensing a break in the fighting. Among them, Fluttershy sees the mouse Mikan stepped on earlier, now feeling a lot better, as it squeaks happily, but then squeaks in concern as it looks back towards Mikan.
Fluttershy also looks back at Mikan, who is still on the ground, breathing heavily. She smiles and nods towards her animal companions, as they prepare a plan.
Fluttershy: I...think I understand it now...! Everyone was so afraid of you...but you've been afraid this whole time, right? You must have end
Mikan: Grrgh...Hngh...
Fluttershy: I guess it's true, huh? It's so sad. I'm so sorry...But still...
Fluttershy stamps her hoof on the ground, drawing the panicked and crazed Mikan's attention. Fluttershy then employs her most deadly technique - THE STARE!
Fluttershy: That's NO excuse for your behavior! You need to calm down!
Mikan: ...
Fluttershy: ...
Mikan: Are you making fun of me...! Please! DON'T PICK ON ME!
*SHWOOSH!*
*CLINK!*
Mikan: Huh!?
Fluttershy: Yeah, I somehow knew that wouldn't work...!
Fluttershy giggles, embarrassed that her trick didn't work, but also clearly not having expected it to. But to Mikan's shock and surprise, as she throws another array of needles towards Fluttershy, they seem to bounce off her. In reality, they collide with a forcefield the Pegasus puts around herself.
While distracting Mikan with The Stare, Fluttershy's animal companions hang the golden necklace that is the Element of Kindness around her neck, and Fluttershy does not hesitate to use it's power to protect herself.
Mikan panics and throws more needles, but they also bounce off. Fluttershy bears an expression of sympathy, but also determination as she and her animal friends stride slowly towards the Ultimate Nurse.
Fluttershy: I meant it when I said I don't want to hurt you...But without my friends here...I need to do this...!
*SHIIIIIINE!*
Mikan: KRRGH! H-HUH!?
Mikan is nearly blinded by a light that erupts from Fluttershy's body, and once it dissipates, she looks up in horror to see Fluttershy in her Rainbow Power form.
Fluttershy: I think you should be careful...
Mikan: Wha-!? WAAAGHAAAGH! WHAT IS THIIIIS!?
Fluttershy: It's the most powerful magic in all of Equestria...Friendship!
Mikan: KYRAGH! KYAAAHAGH!
Die...Kill...No...NOOOOO...! STOP! NOOOOOOOO!
Mikan: H-Huh!?
Mikan's eyes shut tight as she's suddenly swept off her feet by a tornado made of rainbows that completely envelops her. However, they shoot open again, not in fear, not in shock or horror...but in clarity.
The voices in her head that drive her into despair...the foundation of her despairing rage...she feels them being washed away, and for the first time in her entire life...she feels free.
However, despite this, her nightmare doesn't appear to be over, as she stares back up at Fluttershy, who's body glows with a white light, and her eyes white out as she's filled with power.
Fluttershy: Heehee...!
*POYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*
Mikan: K-KYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!
Fluttershy, with a warm and cheerful smile, and with the animals of the orchard hovering around her in bliss and tranquility, fires a golden beam of light down onto her opponent, and Mikan screams in fear as she sees her body slowly but surely begin to turn into stone! Starting with her feet and working it's way up into her head, the broken Ultimate Nurse becomes a solid frozen ornament.
Fluttershy slowly descends to the ground with her animal friends, and returns to her base form. She's completely healed of every wound she suffered during the fight and her vitality is restored to normal. She and the animals approach the statue and carefully watch it.
Fluttershy: Once my friends arrive, we'll let you go free, and I'll gladly let you join my tea party! ...But for now, I'm sorry, but I have to sit you in time out...
Leona: Ah, poor poor Mikan. First a victim of batshit Danganronpa lore, now a victim of even more batshit My Little Pony lore. But hey, at least she didn't "DIE" die...
Hifumi: Unsurprisingly, this match was pretty clear cut. Though despite the one-sidedness in terms of how each combatants abilities stack up to each others, Mikan Tsumiki DID possess her own fair share of advantages.
Leona: To start with, Mikan's primary way of taking out enemies is using her needles to either rip them to shreds, or inject them with enough anesthetic to send them into comatose. Despite it still being pretty high when scaled to other characters in My Little Pony, Fluttershy's defense is easily her weakest stat, and she's evidently not immune to drugs...and I genuinely can't believe I just said that.
Hifumi: Tsumiki's best shot at winning this fight would be to catch Fluttershy off guard, and inject her with enough sleeping drugs that she falls unconscious and deliver an easy killing blow that way, assuming Fluttershy doesn't somehow die from the overdose. And with her evidently unmatched stealth and speed skills, as well as the fact that she's undoubtedly far more strategic than her Pegasus opponent, it was entirely possible she could get the jump on Fluttershy, who all things considered is very gullible and easily duped, and achieve exactly that!
Leona: That being said, while not IMPOSSIBLE, it was still very unlikely. It took SEVERAL shots, and even Mikan having to distribute basically all of the drugs contained in her claymore needle to render Nagito Komaeda unconscious. This is most likely because Nagito's Ultimate Hope abilities gave him an exponential increase in stamina that allowed him to resist the drugs for a long time, only taking effect with one final shot following several battles in succession.
Hifumi: And based on the calculations of her feats, as well as scaling her to Rainbow Dash in particular, it's likely that Fluttershy's max stamina was MUCH HIGHER than even that.
Leona: As were MOST of Fluttershy's stats at that. Mikan was fast, being able to outpace Nagito Komaeda, who possesses above superhuman speed and reactions, but Fluttershy was DEFINITELY faster, so much so that it's hard to even lock down her maximum speed. Scaling it to Rainbow Dash though, who she was able to keep up with when creating the tornado, we know she's at least faster than light.
Hifumi: In terms of physical strength, in both their base form and Despair and Flutterbat forms respectively, they might have been equal in terms of attack potency, but to reiterate, Mikan Tsumiki's primary weapon is a 150 lbs syringe, and though she IS able to wield it, she does so sluggishly, in a way that Fluttershy just can't NOT dodge easily.
Leona: Another advantage Mikan held was that based on the way the ability works, it's most likely that in her Despair Rage state, she would be immune to Fluttershy's stare, just like Discord and the Flash Bees were, since Mikan is also a very aggressive creature in this state that honestly relishes on fear more than it perturbs her.
Hifumi: However, what Mikan would NOT have been immune to was the Elements of Harmony, and there was no way in hell she was EVER going to beat Fluttershy in her Rainbow Power form. In fact, Fluttershy's power of the Element of Kindness basically countered every ability she had left.
Leona: Her powers could easily allow her to generate a barrier that blocks all of Mikan's weapons and projectiles, and would cleanse of her any lingering effects of the drugs if there were any. And to top it all off, Fluttershy's rainbow tornado would wipe every trace of evil and Despair away from Mikan, effectively taking away her Despair Rage state and every ability and bloodlust along with it. She could also just as easily use the Element of Harmony to turn Mikan to stone like with Discord and the other villains in MLP. You know, if Mikan really is struggling to cope with her past and the Despair still inside her, she should probably ask Fluttershy for therapy. Pretty sure it would do her wonders!
Hifumi: Let's be honest, if these two ACTUALLY met, there's NO WAY they would fight. They have a lot in common, with both of them being pretty wimpy, timid and sweet in their base forms, and not being able to fight at full potential unless angered or despaired. Despite their far from intimidating appearances, both Mrs. Tsumiki and Fluttershy have shown feats of strength and ability far beyond the average human or pony.
Leona: But that is the exact reason why Mikan falls so far of the victory here. One is a human, and the other is a pony. Mikan possesses no form of special combat abilities or powers, but Fluttershy has used her unique abilities alongside her friends to take down opponents like Discord and Tirek; both godly beings far beyond anything Mikan could ever HOPE to take down.
Hifumi: Mikan Tsumiki was a terrifying foe, but Fluttershy's total dominance and undefeatable power of Kindness and Friendship put the Ultimate Nurse in her stone-cold place.
Leona: Though she was Flutter-SHY of victory, fortunately for Mikan, forgiveness is the NEEDLE that knows how to mend!
THE WINNER IS FLUTTERSHY!
Next Time:
The world is under attack and the robot invaders are taking over! But don't worry! These two unlikely teenage heroes are going to step up, fight for and with their families, and take back humanities world! But when the odds collide, which one of these average teenage girls is gonna come out on top?
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twitter is actually hell for arya lovers. all the stark fans are basically sansa jon bran stans and everyone elses. and then they act like they like everyone and have no beefs unlike angry insecure targies. but hate and ignore arya everywhere. atleast targ fans like all targ characters even the bad ones. someone made an edit of sansa and bran and included the first episode scenes where arya shoots an arrow instead of bran and arya shooting food at sansa. wicked jealous bully arya you see!!! and i went and saw that acc ofc doesn’t care about arya and hates her character. it’s just hypocrisy of these „starklings fans“ to say that they love other characters and are „starks forever“but then ignore and hate arya completely. I swear targ fans in there mention arya more then these starklings. which it’s rare but they mention her in appreciation almost always. unless it’s to clapback about the frey’s situation. that user probably mad that arya outsold both bran and sansa in the show because no one actually cared for these two. it was always arya who the audience loved and cared. unless these books come out, no justice to her character i fear.
Twitter is basically just Targ stans/Team Black vs. Show Stark fans/Team Greens. I would even say it's a stretch to say they care about Jon and Bran, outside of using them as props. They're mostly stansas who hope the books end up following the show. The only time they talk about Arya is to use her as a prop against Dany/The Targs as a whole. I just saw a post about them calling Arya stans delusional for thinking that Dany and Arya will get along😑. From what I've seen Targ stans do generally like Arya, but I don't blame them for not talking about her more. They fight so much over there, and the majority of it is Alicent/Sansa stans crying because people don't care about their faves as the ultimate victims.
I've said this before but the HOTD fandom is like everything wrong with the asoiaf fandom, but worse. The writers have the same issues that D&D had, which is that they don't care about the source material and they play favorites. And the worst fanfiction arguments ended up being transferred over too. It's funny cause the green stans claim to care so much about the source material but they're crying at the leaks and the fact that George is (rumored) to be working on the script. I'm just over all of the shows, and any they come out with in the future. They don't care about the source material and that's what I'm a fan of. I'm just hoping that we eventually get the books so we can see what the story is supposed to be when not handled by incompetent writers.
#ask#anon#anti got#anti hotd#fandom nonsense#both fandoms are trash because they're so many people who don't care about the actual story#They just pick their faves and treat everything like a popularity contest
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While I’m waiting for Kotoko’s MV to drop so I can continue my overview passion project, here’s Milgram, but Danganronpa? Comment if you have any better ideas for their Ultimates
(Someone’s probs done this before, but idc. Im not going anywhere with this so if someone wants to use my ideas just tag me in your post lol)
Jackalope obvi as Monokuma
Es as the protagonist, and Ultimate Warden
Haruka as something like the Ultimate lucky student maybe? Maybe Ultimate Taxidermist or smth he doesn’t have a lot going for him
Yuno as the Ultimate Companion, but she’s secretly the ultimate Sugar-baby? Weird ultimate but it fits her story lol. Ultimate Model or Pop Idol would fit her too but idk
Fuuta as the Ultimate Competitive Gamer? Graffiti artist? Online Harrasser? Social Justice Warrior? There’s a lot he could be tbh
Muu the Ultimate Affluent Prodigy or some nothing talent she just paid for cuz she’s rich (or is she?). She’d definitely be a big antagonist.
Shidou as the Ultimate Doctor
Mahiru as the Ultimate Influencer or maybe Matchmaker. Maybe Model?
Kazui as the Ultimate Salaryman idk I can’t think of anything else
Amane as the Little Ultimate Animal Caretaker
Mikoto would probably forget his Ultimate, but I don’t want a Toko/Jill situation so he’d die first like Rantaro 😭
Kotoko as the Ultimate Vigilante, like if Maki was super upfront about her talent. I also see her being the main antagonist
Ok so I think 11 people isn’t nearly enough to make an interesting story… so… I’m adding some more (plus pictures to show what they look like). I think some of them would be like plus ones, so there’d be a talent vs no talent dynamic
Haruka’s mom as like an Ultimate Caregiver (but she sucks at her job), maybe Haruka could be her plus one?
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Yuno’s sugar daddy as the Ultimate CEO (also this is legit the only picture I could find 😭)
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Fuuta’s victim as the Ultimate Student or smth idk we don’t really know her. Maybe some sort of gaming or internet ultimate would fit
Rei as the ultimate Amateur Investigator
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Shidou’s wife as the Ultimate Florist? That or Ultimate Housewife which… isn’t really a good ultimate. Could be Shidou’s plus one
Mahiru’s Boyfriend has no personality so he would just be a plus one to Mahiru
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Kazui’s wife as the ultimate salary woman? Honestly no clue, maybe another plus one situation
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Amane’s mom as the Ultimate religious zealot
We don’t know much about the other two’s victims, so I’m just gonna add those two main bully girls of Muu, (Aa and Sayu are their names apparently). Since they were friends at one point, I could see Muu bringing one as a plus one and just paying for one of them being the ultimate lucky student.
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For the plot I’d say everyone would come to the prison under different pretenses (like Muu’s gang would think it’s a super prestigious academy, Muu and her bf think it’s a couple’s retreat, Shidou and his wife think it’s a place to get treatment for her, etc.) Then Jackalope reveals the real purpose and traps them in the prison. I’d say a minimum of like three people would have to die per trial for there to be an acceptable amount of survivors.
Some plot things I think would happen, Mikoto probs would die first (just cuz he’s messy). Then after learning the rules Kotoko would murder one or two people she deems evil (maybe Yuno’s Sugar daddy and Amane’s mom or smth), cuz only the first death matters. Then I think she’d do that a couple trials, before someone fakes their death (probably Muu) and gets Kotoko executed. Also I think it’d be interesting if pretty early on Es would be revealed as the Mastermind, and the perspective would switch to Rei. I think for the third trial, like how in the og games there’s a double kill, there’d be a HUGE blood bath that like cuts down all of the just extra space characters.
#milgram#the milgram project#danganronpa#amane momose#fuuta kajiyama#kazui mukuhara#kotoko yuzuriha#mahiru shiina#muu kusunoki#mikoto kayano#haruka sakurai
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Bracket G thoughts:
The poop song makes me viscerally uncomfortable. Uggggggh.
"Other Friends" remains an earwormy bop.
"The Hammer" focuses a bit too much on the sports part and not enough on the villainy, whereas "Evil Food Eater Conchita" has fucking cannibalism galore.
Either "How Bad Can I Be?" is worse than I remembered, or it's just really suffering by having "Biggering" in the same competition to be compared to.
OH MY GOD EVERYONE VOTE FOR "NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE." THE GHOST COSTUMING. WILL BRANNER'S VOCALS. THOSE STUPID LITTLE DANCES (AFFECTIONATE). THE SMOKE CLUB REFERENCE. THE "NIGHTMARE TIME" LEITMOTIF. THE "COOL AS I THINK I AM" REPRISE BUILDING UP TO "I'M NOT A LOSER." THE ENCAPSULATION OF HOW THE OPPRESSIVE SYSTEM OF BULLYING IS ARBITRARY AND ULTIMATELY BASED ON THE BULLY'S DESIRE FOR POWER. LIKE--RICHIE'S NOT A PRUDE, AND HE'S NOT A LOSER, BUT MAX DOESN'T CARE. THE ADVICE ADULTS GIVE FOR DEALING WITH BULLYING IS UNHELPFUL BECAUSE IT FUNDAMENTALLY MISUNDERSTANDS HOW BULLIES WORK AND PUTS THE IMPETUS ON THE VICTIM TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES EVEN THOUGH THAT DOESN'T HELP. VOTE FOR THIS SONG NOW.
Damn, Philip Quast knocks "Stars" out of the park. Also, I definitely think Javert qualifies for this competition, because he is an antagonist and a cop.
"Kick It Up A Notch" has Dylan Saunders doing a wonderful performance of basically "Poor Unfortunate Souls" in space while manipulating a kickass puppet, and also Jaime Lynn Beatty belting her heart out. What more do you want.
Holy shit why does that One Piece song go so hard.
I don't even think "Little Priest" is that spectacular, but it's not equivocating racist colonizers with the people they're doing imperialism to, so...
I didn't really care about the Sarazanmai vs Promised Neverland one but the premise of the former sounds so squicky that I decided to just vote for the second.
IT IS TIME...TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Both "Say My Name" and "Under Our Spell" are very good, so this one was personal preference. I picked the former.
The puppetry on Audrey II is really damn good, wow.
...Is "I Want It All" even that villainous??? Anyway I liked the Tohou song more.
I started listening to "Versus," heard the autotune, and decided to spare myself the pain. Yeeegh.
Talk about coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb, damn. But vote for "Hellfire" anyway.
Hellfire really is the hydrogen bomb of this tournament
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52 weeks, 52 movies: june
you will die at twenty (sudan) — at birth, sakina (islam mubarak) is told that her baby son muzamil (moatesem rashed, as a child, and mustafa shehata, as an adult) is cursed to die on his twentieth birthday. the incident fractures the family, sending his father (talal afifi) away and pushing sakina into an overprotective frenzy.
mm, this was crunchy — up until a point. it comes out swinging as a critique of religious dogmatism, showing how sakina lets her faith dictate how her son interacts, or doesn’t, with the world. muzamil grows up isolated and alienated, trying to find a place among the other children in his village, but his curse and his mother’s strict rules keep him from ever truly belonging. when he does finally coax enough freedom from her to be allowed to study the quran, he’s violently bullied — ‘son of death, let’s play a fun game,’ his schoolmates proclaim, staging a mock funeral for him and stowing him away in a trunk. even his mastery of his studies means nothing. ‘this boy could have been a great scholar, but nothing lasts in this world,’ his teacher says somberly. muzamil is consistently reminded that he’s damned to be nothing more than a tragic figure and a cautionary tale, denied his own humanity from the moment of his birth.
light comes in the forms of sulaiman (mahmoud maysara elsaraj), a former expat who returns to sudan for mysterious reasons and brings untold riches from the world beyond muzamil’s village. muzamil is able to grasp at pieces of agency here — exposed to sulaiman’s stories and film reels, he explores breaking out of the shell his mother created for him, and grasps at forbidden pleasures like romance with a local girl (bunna khalid). a powerful scene comes with the return of his father, who he rejects with a cruel, if accurate, line about sulaiman being like a father to him, which feels justified in the context of his father’s 19-year abandonment. but it’s his father who ultimately also saves him from himself late in the movie, in contrast to sulaiman, whose arc takes an ugly sharp turn that sends the film off the rails. the movie’s third-act dramatics don’t feel in line with the rest of the movie, and muzamil himself feels like he’s shifted into an entirely separate character. there’s a shockingly brutal scene that made my stomach turn, and retroactively ruined much of the goodness that had come before.
the end is inconclusive; a title card suggests this is all an allegory for victims of the sudanese revolution. this makes it harder to parse everything that’s come before and sift through what’s real vs imagined. it makes for uncomfortable viewing; was this a story of one boy’s personal dehumanization, or was he merely a faceless figurehead for thousands or millions of others? if the latter, it gets murky. director amjad abu alala has been appearing to make a powerful case against stripping autonomy and identity throughout the movie, only to suggest in the closing sections that muzamil is nothing more than vapor at all.
it’s a gorgeous film, with handsomely-mounted set pieces that convey the bleak expanse of the sudanese desert, and imagery that lingers in the mind. (sakina, who has no calendar, marks each day of muzamil’s life down on a wall with chalk, until the entire wall is a series of scrawled lines.) but it also isn’t quite sure of itself and what it’s trying to say. in service of being a religious critique, a coming-of-age story, and an allegorical tale, it never quite succeeds as any of them.
the pied piper (czech republic) — the town of hamelin offers a mysterious hooded piper a thousand gold coins to rid them of their rat infestation, only to inadvertently seal their own dooms.
deaf crocodile, those beautiful bastards, did it again with this one. this is a bite-sized masterpiece of stop-motion, live action, and a brief interlude of painted 2-d animation. it’s startlingly beautiful, terrifying for children (although it’s czech, so it probably is viewed in the cradle), and a deliciously creepy indictment of greed. it’s also a technological marvel, with a thousand moving parts in every frame. (watching the gears move alone is wondrous.) hamelin is both hideous — all shades of drab brown, peopled exclusively by petty, greedy skinflints — and stunning, a sort of dollhouse come to life. director jiří barta chose to juxtapose the wooden citizens of the town against real rats, which is incredibly effective in conveying the rats’ outside invader status. the rats burrow and chew and skitter and slither throughout barta’s clockwork town, so adorable in their bright-eyed inquisitiveness that their inevitable deaths are the only ones we actually feel.
the townspeople, on the other hand, have no saving graces. they are nasty, grasping, and brutish, savaging anything good and innocent. barta revels in showing their vile natures, and their bad ends were more than earned. from a technological standpoint, they’re as incredible as the sets around them; as characters, we cheer for their demise.
the story is vicious, tragic, and funny in equal measure. it also clocks in at a mere 53 minutes, telling its story briskly and ducking out before overstaying its welcome (or, more likely, preventing the studio from going bankrupt in its creation). its gloomy, spooky vibes make it a perfect october watch, but really, watching bad things happen to bad people is always in style.
the legend of the stardust brothers (japan) — scouted by a mysterious producer (ozaki kiyohiko), amateur rock star enemies kan (takagi kan) and shingo (kubota shingo) are promised fame and fortune, as long as they agree to perform together as a duo called the stardust brothers.
i first started this movie back in march or so, and made it about ten minutes before my interest waned. i knew it was me and not the movie, but it kept sitting on my plex taunting me and waiting for me to come back and finish it. but it was never the right time, and it felt unfair to force myself to watch it when i knew i wouldn’t give it a fair shake.
and i finally did give it a fair shake in june, which did turn out to be the right time, and the movie rewarded me for my patience by giving me one of the most batshit insane, off-the-wall, incomprehensible, inexplicable experiences possible. it was absolutely fantastic. the story of its production is pure 1980s — a studio album made for a nonexistent movie, picked up by the 22-year-old untested son of tezuka osamu, driven by his dabbling in arthouse shorts, starring his friends, and supplemented by trippy animated sequences from a horror manga artist. it all sounds completely insane, and it is completely insane. its plot is simple on the face of it, but the execution is hilarious, sad, wacky, outrageous, horrifying, and practically every other adjective you can think of. it skewers the music industry mercilessly, but thinking of it as an industry satire would be to exclude all the 900 other things happening in it.
i don’t think the weirdness of this movie can be adequately explained, only witnessed. even the photosets and gifsets don’t quite convey what an oddball experience it is — in part because you really need to hear the music. (spotify is a bastard and doesn’t have the soundtrack on there, at least in america. i just checked.) the whole thing is this riotous explosion of color and noise and music and absolutely insane plot twists. it is the entire neighborhood’s worth of kitchen sinks in under two hours, all gathered around chikada haruo’s earworm melodies.
the founder of third window films, the UK distributor i picked this up from (i tend to have a lot of UK distributors who i have to snag things from for the weirder titles i own), considers this movie his personal favorite of the company’s entire catalog. i remember reading that way back when and thinking, well, i hope it lives up to that reputation once i finally watch it. and i did watch it, and it did live up to that reputation, and i hope that if you ever find yourself three months past first considering watching it for the first time, that you also sit down and have your mind blown the same way i did. join me. join the stardust brothers. let’s take a trip.
sweet thing (usa) — neglected by their alcoholic father and abandoned by their mother, two siblings (lana and nico rockwell) try to find their own way in life.
well, this movie sucked. it sucked long before i found out the dipshit director, alexandre rockwell, just cast his own family (wife and kids) in it, and it sucked a lot more after i found out that he went after critic roger moore and threw a tantrum in his comments section about a mean review. (i cannot express enough how much you should read moore ripping his ass a new one.)
it is poverty porn. it is pointless, unfocused, needless misery with faux-artistic touches, marinating in unsubtle voyeurism and begging noxiously for a love it never earns. i love black-and-white cinematography. this made me hate black-and-white cinematography because rockwell clearly only did it because he thinks he’s an Auteur. one of the characters is named billie, and so she is regularly visited by the ghost of billie holiday, a technique that works about as well as pissing on a power line without consequence. everything in this is reductive. every stereotype you think would be in a movie about poverty-stricken children in a broken home is in there. does their father, adam (will patton), ruin christmas with his alcoholism? you bet he does! does he also traumatize his children through destroying something of theirs? of course! (it’s the old drunken haircut scene. yeehaw.) does their mother, eve (i know. I KNOW.), have a shitty child molester boyfriend? reader, you know the answer. you know the fucking answer. if it can wallow in tiresome bullshit, it does, and it does at length. it is maddening. it is thoroughly unpleasant to watch. it sort of lazily takes stabs at a plot — adam goes to rehab, at which point the kids are saddled with the disinterested eve and her diddler boyfriend — which it then squanders with a no-resolution resolution.
i felt rather dirty watching it. there’s something about a movie that’s so explicitly about childhood misery, with no optimistic payoff, that’s already going to be dicey for some people, but to put your own children into it just feels exploitative and unfeeling. whether the kids have talent (they’re fine. they’re adequate. i didn’t have any strong feelings on them as actors, quite honestly) is irrelevant to the discussion. the entire thing just being a strange masturbatory exercise where rockwell’s wife is a disconnected boozehound and his kids are neglected and unloved stinks all the way down. per his slapfight with moore, he’s exorcising his own childhood demons, which on the face of it isn’t objectionable — plenty of good art is born out of deep-seated pain. but taking his own children into the equation to safely playact his own therapy is objectionable and quite frankly, loathsome. alexandre rockwell is a shithead.
(PS: i hope he sees this and i hope he knows i think he’s a shithead. come create a tumblr and whine about it, fuckstick.)
other viewing
singin’ in the rain* (usa)
you’ll never be alone (chile)
the people next door (1970) (usa)
just good friends s2 (uk)
just good friends s3 (uk)
love on the run (usa)
alex wheatle (uk)
education (uk)
shrinking s1 (usa)
more than two days (qatar)
studio (sudan)
maria chapdelaine (2021) (canada)
dance of the 41 (mexico)
three deaths (usa)
the matrix* (usa)
game changer (thailand)
infinity (china)
intern detective oh kye-on sik (south korea)
a business proposal (south korea)
miyuki (2011) (usa)
blik (netherlands)
hudson (2018) (usa)
street angel (usa)
bad ben (usa)
icebergs (switzerland)
sprung s1 (usa)
show people (usa)
codependent space lesbian seeks same (usa)
breakin’ (usa)
are we lost forever? (sweden)
voyage of the rock aliens (usa)
both he and i are grooms (japan)
the wedding banquet (taiwan)
the last autumn (iceland)
bake me please (thailand)
unprisoned s1 (usa)
love child s1 (australia)
love child s2 (australia)
the binding of itzik (usa)
history of the world part I (usa)*
#52 weeks 52 movies#thank fuckin god i'm caught up i'm going back into hiding#see you cunts with another of these in october probably
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‘Wolf Pack’ Impressions (Ep. 5-8)
1x05 - “Incendiary“
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Sarah Michelle Gellar and Armani Jackson are easily the best part of this series
Ramsey is a duplicitous cop with a personal agenda connected to the werewolf murders, and the confidence in this narrative reveal is superbly supported by Gellar’s steady performance.
Everett started out like a walking ‘anxiety (get nervous)’ kind of character in the same way Scott was your prototypical ‘kid with asthma on TV’, but has otherwise not been pigeon-held in a quagmire characterization where his kindness disallows him from defending himself from assholes (Harlan, Austin, his mother) or assholes experiencing no consequences for their fuckery (see: Scott’s every interaction with discount Logan Lerman).
Additionally, his connection to the werewolf killing people is not in the least overshadowed Harlan and Luna’s bio-family drama. His status as a forced-werewolf has allowed him to become what he considers his ideal self and I’m here for it, honestly. Scare the shit out of your bullies.
Garrett really isn’t contributing anything to the current trajectory of the plot besides some nice UST between himself and Ramsey. He is, at the moment, a distraction (like he considered himself in Harlan’s flashback).
Harlan actually becoming proactive in the narrative and contributing to an episode something other than self-involved anger? Say it ain’t so.
This series seems to want to depict teenagers authentically, but lapses right into tried and true trope(s) of ‘unsupervised parties’ and ‘teenagers have easy access to drugs to the point of being pushers themselves’.
Luna’s subplot with Austin feels more necessitated by plot than anything they’ve got going story-wise, so not terribly unfamiliar territory in the box of ‘Jeff Davis can’t do teen romance’.
However lukewarm I am on Everett and Blake’s romance, it at least feels companionable vs. Luna and Austin’s “oh, hey, you drew pictures of me, so clearly you like me!” mess.
I like Prisha. I hope we see more of her next season.
1x06 - “After Party“
Balthier’s (Gideon Emery) appearance was a nice throwback (and definitely less hammy), especially working as a springboard for Ramsey’s story.
Ramsey as the avenging werewolf mother who goes into law enforcement to track arsonists is certainly a narrative I’m here for, and a large part of the reason why I was never interested in dismissing the arsonist storyline continuing on in the background without the teens.
By and large, the story becoming more motivated by Ramsey’s desire to find her son, protect him from [the] harm (of others), at the same time protect him from the authorities is just *chef’s kiss*. I love this monster woman, she is precious to me in all her violence and underhandedness.
Everett being handed the name of the murderous werewolf feels lazy as hell. Yet it does very little to my general enjoyment to how Everett remains at the center of unraveling the red herring of a ‘teen arsonist' plot.
Ultimately the best thing to come out of the reveal that the weird kid at the pool party was the werewolf projecting into Everett’s mind was the use of sound and visuals with the dead mean girl (Phoebe) to alert him about the next victim (Austin).
And, yeah, I was kinda sad about Phoebe’s death. Especially after that dead-straight heart-to-heart they had about Blake’s mother’s infidelity, and why she cut everyone out of her life. She was a jerk, but was also intercommunicating her pain in a similar way as Blake. Let this girl have friends, please!
1x07 - “Lion’s Breath” / 1x08 - “Trophic Cascade”
There are elements to Everett’s narrative (and the idea of lycanthropy being a cure-all for all disabilities or even autism) that hits a decidedly sour (abelist, anti-medication) note. I like the idea of it boosting your confidence, or even changing your perspective on the world (since the person has become an uber predator). But altering things that are often a case of nature or nurture, not so much.
That said, the Everett’s growing steadiness and unwillingness to give his parents emotional neglect and dismissal any more room in his life is incredibly thrilling.
That scene with his mother (”You should be nicer to me”) fucking rips. But it's also what makes part of the finale so bitter. Everett’s mother really white-woman-in-distressed her son, and her exaggeration of events really got his Black ass, swirl-silly father to try and get him confined. Fuck. Everett’s. Mom. I hope Ramsey eats her.
Luna’s loss of faith in her family and friends is a far more interesting note in her stakes than Austin (who promptly disappears from the plot), and a nice reversal of her role as the believer and her brother as the inward-looking jerkass. She neither trusts her father or her brother.
Ramsey’s agenda regarding her lost children, particularly the undercurrent of discomfort from the reveal that she’s known where they were for some time, is something I’m looking forward to see play out in the next season. She doesn’t appear to be angling to nix Garrett but at the same time she’s making it very clear (to the audience) that she won’t be separated from them again.
Even as the arsonist (lmao, what a wet flop of a reveal), driving her son out of hiding (and harming him, losing his trust), she’s gone out of her way to protect the new members of her pack. And the reasons feel like an illustration of how she views who’s worth saving and protecting vs. who isn’t. It’s not altruistic, but I wouldn’t call it intentionally malicious either. She’s a wolf, and she uses her ‘humanity’ so to speak in a way that will benefit the wolves. Again, I’m here for it.
The Malcolm reveal was pretty weak, all things considered. There was no build up, and they literally have the guy spelling it out to the audience.
How did he know she was the wolf from seventeen years ago that murked his crew? How did he know Baron was her son? Why was he not a bigger character in the story if he was going to be that important to the finale?
Ramsey turning out not to be the mysterious caller was a relief and a frustration. But I’m also expecting this to belly flop should it ever get a proper reveal.
Basically, this was like any finale of Teen Wolf. Rushed to hell and back.
Could’ve done without the grim-dark trailer rendition of “Can’t Fight the Moonlight”.
My overall (first) impressions of Paramount+’s Wolf Pack first season is that it’s Teen Wolf if Teen Wolf was written more a little more competently, and Jeff Davis’ preoccupation with white boys didn’t (or wasn’t allowed to) push the protagonist (Armani Jackson’s Everett) into the margins like he did with Tyler Posey’s Scott McCall.
The super-hero-fication of werewolves ah-la HEROES (everyone gets a special ability!) is kinda eye roll-inducing, but I can deal with it.
But, if Ramsey was going to be the fire-starter all along, then the story honestly should’ve been tailored to that instead of telling and not showing that part of the story in favor of a whodunit that basically went nowhere like the Kamina plot. It seems like an ass-pull to intentionally make her the antagonist when there were better and stronger elements in her character that qualify her for that.
Part of me wants to accredit a lot of the show’s success to Sarah Michelle Gellar’s skill as both an actor and an executive producer.
Please, do not kill her character off.
#greatrunner watches wolf pack#wolf pack#paramount plus#sarah michelle gellar#kristin ramsey#armani jackson
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how i ruined my perception and idea of love
this is going to be pretty hard for me to write, and please bare with any grammatical errors etc as i am writing this just as the thoughts enter my head. maybe a video would be better but its almost 3AM and I have to be quiet. here is some context, im 18 years old, cis male and gay. all of my school life i was either bullied or made to feel uncomfortable in my sexuality, and this established a strong disconnect, especially in later years of high school, between the other guys and me. whilst i have female friends, its almost hard for me to feel like i fit in in either of this realms. besides my best friend who i would give the entire world too. i think its kind of important to note too that my father is, to be frank, emotionally unavailable, and my mother who has passed an array of her own problems onto myself, and she is emotionally manipulative and unstable, screaming and me, abuse to next second non-stop affection and love. btw, in no means is this me being like 'omg im so abused and mentally ill and no one wants me' like that victim complex stuff annoys me so bad, im just trying to figure out some emotions, but yeah i feel like that is important context. around my eighteenth birthday last year, I began seeking fulfilment off older men from the forbidden app (none of my friends even know about this) as a way to kinda fill a void of affection within me. ultimately this has totally destroyed my perception and idea of being loved. i'm currently talking to the cutest boy from brazil, and he is the first boy who I have ever genuinely been interested in getting to know on a deep level, ive never felt this way about anyone before so im trying to sort myself out for his sake and also because I really really really want this to work. i want to be loved so bad. i constantly crave validation from him, otherwise I feel as if he is loosing interest and for that I blame my mother - constantly trying to work around her unstable emotions, to stay in her 'good books' otherwise hell would rise. this is one of the biggest regrets in my life so far, is always catering to the what she would want. its always at the forefront of my mind and I feel as if she controls me in that regard. i also become way way way too attached to people who show me the smallest amount of attention just because I really am so lonely. im currently at university and this is a whole other thing but the loneliness is insane, especially when you see friends doing so well socially, and of course im happy for them its just hard because I feel like my teenage dream and expectations vs what I have done are so far apart from each other and I feel like im wasting my youth away. im also scared that i am unable to associate love and sexual desires with one another, and im scared that this is going to happen with this new guy. my entire mindset around love is ruined. idk what to do this isn't even all I wanted to say but its actually so hard for me atm so im going to stop here. i just hope that this works out between me and davi I really really really pray that it does
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It may not seem like much at first glance, but the seemingly harmless practice of using initials among classmates can actually have more serious consequences. While some may see it as a way to create nicknames or show camaraderie, the truth is that it can perpetuate a system of exclusion and division within a classroom. Here are a few reasons why initials are extremist for classmates:
It promotes cliques and exclusion: When initials are used as a way to refer to certain classmates, it can create a sense of exclusivity among those who are “in” on the joke. This can lead to cliques forming and others feeling left out or ostracized. It also creates an “us vs. them” mentality, which can ultimately harm the classroom dynamic and create a negative and unwelcoming environment.
It reinforces stereotypes: Often times, initials are used to refer to someone by their first or last name, which can perpetuate stereotypes and reduce a person to a label. For example, a classmate with the initials “BB” may be referred to as “Blondie” or “Big Boy,” which can be hurtful and reinforcing of harmful stereotypes.
It can be used for bullying: When initials are used as a way to mock or bully someone, it becomes a tool for harassment and can have serious consequences for the victim. Bullying can have a lasting impact on a person’s mental health and well-being, and the use of initials as a way to target someone is not something to be taken lightly.
It can make students feel self-conscious: In a classroom where initials are commonly used, students may feel pressured to conform and adopt a “cool” or “funny” nickname. This can create a lot of pressure and make students feel self-conscious about their name or identity. It may also create a sense of competition among classmates, further harming the overall dynamic and individual self-esteem.
It undermines the importance of diversity: Every student deserves to be recognized and respected for their individual identity. Using only initials to refer to someone reduces them to a single letter and disregards the diversity and uniqueness of their name. It also teaches students that it is acceptable to use shortcuts and labels instead of taking the time to get to know someone as an individual.
In conclusion, the seemingly innocent practice of using initials among classmates may seem harmless, but it can have serious consequences. It reinforces harmful stereotypes, creates exclusion and division, and can be used as a tool for bullying. It also undermines the importance of diversity and can make students feel self-conscious. As members of the same classroom, it is important to foster a sense of inclusivity, respect, and acceptance for each other's identities. Let's leave the initials for sports teams and jerseys, and use each other's names with the respect and dignity they deserve.
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Ultimately, I think the Duffers created a show where any type of moral greyness has a difficult time existing because the premise is so black-and-white. You can see it especially in the flattening of Steve's character. He went from this arrogant, homophobic jock with a nurturing streak to someone unambiguously nurturing. I really loved the scene in S1 where Steve destroyed Jonathan's camera because of the level of moral ambiguity to it. You have this rich kid destroying a poor kid's prized posession because that poor kid used it to do something disgusting, but the motivation wasn't fully moral disgust. Steve felt possessive and jealous over Nancy and was also insecure regarding his place in the world. So, he lashed out. It was gorgeous. Jonathan was wrong but Steve wasn't right and Nancy preferred Jonathan anyway. I loved it.
And then the audience got ahold of it and just ripped it apart trying to make one character the hero and the other the villain of that scene. I love Stranger Things but I deeply hate the audience for it. And I include myself in that because I've let myself get dragged into Steve vs Jonathan fights.
The point is, I guess, that for a character like Billy to exist the narrative and the audience has to have room for truly morally grey characters and actions. And I don't know that the Stranger Things audience (or show) really does anymore. The show has become deeply conservative in its themes and unambiguous view of good vs evil. Billy was too angry and reactive to be good; he externalized everything. But he was also too brave and too strong in the way that he dealt with Vecna (and also in the way that he dealt with Steve and even Max) to really be bad. The show brought him in because Steve couldn't be the bully with a heart of gold anymore and looking at Billy's treatment by fans, you see why.
And I think it's really unfortunate because Billy is a very realistic abuse victim and trauma survivor - a lot of people externalize that pain before they learn any better. And Stranger Things offers a very incomplete, one-sided, right-wing portrait of abuse without that perspective. And it's incredibly frustrating.
Like we all know how much the duffers took inspiration from Stephen King. It’s very very obvious. It’s just truly such a shame that of all the things they could have taken they had to choose abused child is evil irredeemable asshole. Like they wanted Billy to be Henry Bowers so bad but he just wasn’t and after they killed him off they wanna act like he was.
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A quick guide to things you can actually credit Taika Waititi for
I keep seeing posts making fun of the tendency to give more credit than was due for TV shows like OFMD, WWDITS, and Flight of the Conchords to Taika Waititi. So for those who keep making them: can you not? It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and half the time it’s just plain mean. But the other reason it annoys me, as a media theory nerd and film buff, is that you could all be putting your energy into distinguishing and celebrating all of the things that this certifiable genius has given the world
There are plenty of Taika Waititi films that I grew up loving, because they struck the perfect balance between ‘If Ken Loach was a kiwi’ and ‘If Wes Anderson was funny’ but they rarely seem to get much of a look in. So here is your ultimate cheat-sheet, one-stop-shop, complete with unsolicited reviews of every film Taika has actually written and/or directed starting with...
Two Cars, One Night (2003)
I will never stop going on about this film, to the extent they’ll probably have to put me in the ground with the words ‘It’s only 11 minutes long, so you’ve got no excuse’ just about formed on my recently deceased lips. It was nominated for Best Short Film at the 2005 Oscars and is widely credited with establishing its director as one of the most exciting creative prospects that a small, sparsely populated island without much of a presence in world cinema had to offer.
The brilliance of Two Cars, One Night is that it cloaks itself completely in the visuals of New Zealand’s grim social-realist tradition, but manages to interject warmth, humor, and hopefulness, in the unlikeliest of places. The two main characters meet in the parking lot of a hotel bar, where their parents are off getting drunk. Their accents and use of local slang mean some viewers may need to turn on subtitles to know exactly what’s being discussed.
But the sweet optimism of the child’s-eye-view, and the unwillingness of the writer to cast them as victims of circumstance would go on to become a staple in the majority of Taika’s more commercial film catalogue. Also it’s on YouTube, so you really have got no excuse
Rating: 11/10
Taika Waititi plays: No one, this is probably the only Taika Waititi film which doesn’t feature at least one cameo by Taika Waititi, otherwise it’s perfection
Taika has actually written and directed six other short films (three of which were basically Marvel promos) but I’m including this one with the full-length features because it’s just so damn good.
onto another hidden gem...
Eagle Vs. Shark (2007)
I first watched this film as a preteen after my sister and her friends rented it for a sleepover. Full disclosure: None of them liked it. I think they assumed they were meant to be watching a quirky rom-com, but to apply that label would be doing the film a gross injustice.
Co-written with Loren Taylor (then Loren Horsley, who plays Lily) Eagle vs. Shark is a black comedy about dysfunctional families, coping with grief, and the reality of being straight up awkward in relationships.
Jarrod (played beautifully by Jemaine Clement) and Lily get together after he invites her to a ‘dress as your favourite animal’ costume party, but he then announces rather dramatically that he’s returning to his hometown to fight the guy that bullied him in high-school.
Lily is something of a social outcast herself (she’s treated as odd for the fact she’s lived with her brother Damon since their parents’ deaths, and is generally an introvert) and develops a huge crush on Jarrod even though he’s kind of a dick to her. She and Damon agree to drive Jarrod back to his hometown where they meet his father, siblings, and the nine-year-old daughter from a one-night-stand that he’s kind of indifferent to.
Legend has it that Taika Waititi wrote the script for Eagle Vs. Shark in under a week and ngl, it shows, but visually, emotionally, and thematically, it’s still a beautiful and very overlooked film. On the whole Americans don’t tend to ‘get’ the style and whimsy, and some people find the random bits of claymation distracting, but they were all winning touches for me.
Rating: 8/10
Taika Waititi plays: Jarrod’s late brother Gordon, who appears posthumously in family photos and home-videos, Jarrod’s father tells everyone he died saving a child from a fire. (Spoiler warning: It isn’t true)
Which was followed three years later by an understated masterpiece...
Boy (2010)
Now that you’ve watched Two Cars, One Night, and you’re thinking ‘wow, I loved that, but I wish it was longer, and in colour’ I’ve got great news for you!
It’s not an exaggeration to say that Boy is probably one of the greatest films ever made on location in New Zealand (yes, LOTR stans, come at me as much as you want, you can’t change my mind) it captures the perfect Waititi blend of being side-splittingly funny and gut-punchingly tragic. It’s got the constant thematic references to 80s pop culture that Stranger Things fans, who never lived through the 80s, go nuts over. The protagonist has a little brother who’s convinced he’s got super-powers and the narrative occasionally reinforces his belief by making things happen to confirm it.
In some ways its heavily autobiographical, but I think a lot of viewers tend to overstate how autobiographical, so just to set the record straight: though Taika spent his summers with his grandmother and cousins in Waihau Bay, he was an only child, and his Russian-Jewish mother bears no resemblance to the fictional dead Maori mother-character of the film. He’s always maintained it was the small details (like Alamein Snr. starting his car with a spoon in the ignition) that were based on direct recollections from his actual childhood. And as far as we know his father never buried a giant stash of money in a field which was later eaten by a goat.
Also, Taika’s commitment to shaming deadbeat dads everywhere is pretty impressive here. Most screenwriters, when faced with characters that bear some resemblance to their loved ones, tend to go easy, portray them through rose-tinted sunglasses, and accept the premise that all parents and parent-figures are just doing the best they can. Not this time. Taika takes an already flawed parent-figure and makes him worse, deconstructing the fantasy of the absentee hero dad and replacing it piece-by-piece until the viewer’s like ‘dayum.’
Rating: 20/10 essential viewing for any lover of independent cinema
Taika Waititi plays: Alamein, who manages to make Darth Vader look like father of the year. OFMD stans will appreciate the portrayal though, as there is definitely some crossover with Taika’s portrayal of Blackbeard.
What we do in the Shadows (2014)
This one actually does tend to get a lot of traffic on tumblr (though less so than the TV series which followed) so there’s not much more I can say about it except: this right here, is how you do a mockumentary. I was in my first year at university when WWDITS was released, and given that most of my new friends were really into old-school horror, it gave me a great gateway to force them into endless re-watches of Flight of the Conchords instead *evil laugh*. It was co-written and directed by Jemaine Clement, and is a good example of why the two of them are easily the funniest comedy-writing duo since... well, I can’t actually think of any funny kiwis from previous decades, so there you go.
The basic premise, though it’s been well-publicized by now, is that a group of vampires from different centuries live in a shared house in a suburb of Wellington, and the film chronicles their lives together. But on top of the sheer hilarity of the hijinks that ensue, is the overarching theme that, as both creators have pointed out, these guys have eternal life, they can literally do anything they want, and what they often want is just to waste time on earth like the rest of us. And yes, Jackie walked, so Guillermo could run.
Rating: 10/10
Taika Waititi plays: Viago, though the 379-year-old Victorian dandy is beloved of fan-artists everywhere, so I’m sure you already knew that.
Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)
This one is probably the most political Taika Waititi film. All of the elements of his previous work, in giving child-characters the primary perspective on the unfolding events, and establishing the protection of their innocence and ambitions as a narrative triumph, are still present, but the plot makes a lot of major and minor digs at the foster care system. Taika began working on the script in 2005, but despite the complexities of the locations, it was all shot over five weeks on a single camera, which is an achievement in itself.
I don’t want to give too much away without spoiling the plot (which is pretty fast-paced and more reminiscent of an action-thriller than a charming social-realist comedy-drama) but the absolute glue that holds this film together is the dynamic between juvenile delinquent Ricky Baker and his grouchy hermit foster-dad Hector. Adapted from a novel by Barry Crump, its runaways framed-as-fake-abduction story-line can feel a little close to home to anyone who’s worked in children’s social services, but underneath the film has a lot of heart, and some excellent 90s hip-hop references.
Also Rhys Darby has a long cameo as a hermit called Psycho Sam, so jot that down.
Rating: 9/10
Taika Waititi plays: an unnamed fundamentalist minister, idk, he’s only in one scene, but it’s pretty funny.
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
First things first, you can gripe on about Marvel here all you like, but I am an unapologetic fan of this film, and all that led up to it. I love Thor. I’ve loved Norse mythology ever since I was a kid, so a Thor film directed by Taika Waititi? Yes please. Especially since Ragnarok draws on some of the older comic story-lines from the 70s and 80s.
Visually, its incredibly different for any Marvel film before or since, though it borrows a little from the unashamedly retro sci-fi of Guardians of the Galaxy. It was also Taika’s first big-budget project, though not the first time he’d made a cameo in a super hero film, or referenced them in previous work. Crucially, there’s no romantic sub-plot in Thor: Ragnarok, which was extremely refreshing, with focus instead being on the much-loved sibling relationship between Thor and Loki. Taika was handed a great cast, strong visuals, and the keys to an endless string of mega-budget sequels and prequels, but boy did he deliver.
When you google ‘Thor: Ragnarok’ one of the first auto-suggestions which comes up is ‘Why is Thor: Ragnarok so good?’ I’d like to think it has something to do with casting aside establishment wisdom about what makes a superhero movie and using your well-honed gift for crafting compelling story-lines, hilarious dialog and characters people actually want to root for, to create something altogether different. And someone finally made Thor the himbo he was always destined to be, which helps.
Rating: 10/10
Taika Waititi plays: Korg, though plenty of people, including my partner, didn’t recognise him at the time, due to him being a giant boulder-man with a slightly higher-pitched version of his usual accent
Jojo Rabbit (2018)
Spoiler alert: a few minutes into this film, an animal dies. While watching it for the second time in the presence of my family, I had to stop myself saying something. My sister, never having seen it, reassured everyone that said animal would not, in fact, die because Jojo Rabbit was ‘not that kind of film’.
So, I hate to burst your bubble if you find yourself in the same position, but this is Taika Waititi we’re talking about (whose animal body-count as a writer is creeping towards Wes Anderson levels of ‘does the dog die?’) it’s also the sort of film where nothing is off the table in the pursuit of the funniest form of black-comedy. Working from a screenplay he first adapted in 2011, Taika reclaims the long, proud, though not entirely successful, tradition of satirizing Nazis in order to take the wind out of their sails. In doing so, he creates the perfect war-film for a generation unfamiliar with the horrors of war.
Thematically it’s very similar to Boy, though the parallels tend to get lost in the sheer beauty and visual spectacle of its colourful 1940s setting. If I was ever to teach a film-studies class on masterful use of the child-as-unreliable-narrator, these are the two I’d pick.
Jojo Rabbit won the oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, and narrowly lost out on Best Picture to Parasite, so if you’re looking for an accessible, commercial though not entirely comforting route into the Waititi film canon, it’s the logical choice. Stephen Merchant is hilarious in it too.
Rating: 20/10 this isn’t even a critique, I have no criticism to give
Taika Waititi plays: Hitler. Or rather, a childish, imaginary-friend version of Hitler who provides insight to the protagonist. Which puts him up there with Gillian Anderson on the unsettling list of ‘Evil historical figures played by actors you definitely wouldn’t kick out of bed’.
If you want a more digestible version of this post, there’s a great little seven-minute video on IMDB which goes into the key narrative and visual themes in every Taika Waititi film
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390579/
But I also wanted to offer some clarity where television was concerned:
Taika did not, as has been claimed, write any episodes of either WWDITS the series, or OFMD (he directed and produced three, and one episode respectively) though he did write and direct four episodes of Flight of the Conchords (the best four, imho) and those included the music-videos for ‘Mother’uckas’ and ‘Leggy Blonde’ (another very fine performance by Rhys Darby). He also directed five episodes of The Inbetweeners, an episode of The Mandalorian, and six episodes of the Kiwi observational comedy Super City.
One thing he’s generally un-credited for is writing the initial screenplay for Moana, though it was heavily adapted from that draft, and being the co-creator of the mockumentary series Wellington Paranormal.
Anyway, happy watching, I personally cannot wait for Thor: Love and Thunder, or Next Goal Wins.
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