#like the first time I watched interview I was 8 and I dreamt about the vampire chronicles all the time

[weaponizedmoth]

Wow Armand from IWTV really is the most beautiful man in the entire world.

[asphalt-cocktail]

Hear me out..kay?

'70s John Lennon with younger female home assistant reader getting into a lil dispute because John thinks he let himself go after the Beatles broke up, but the reader believes otherwise and it ends up in the two of them having passionate/slightly rough sex because he's more or so angry with himself than anything? And the two of them are really close too, like John allows her to watch Julian and Sean when he's at the studio or on business trips?? And the two boys genuinely like her???

(a universe where he isn't married to yoko ((no hate intended)) and is single and happy that way..)

Oh my god, I love this idea! 70s john is so pretty. I love how he looks as he gets older. it’s like fine wine. Some of the ages might not add up but we’ll call this an AU for the sake of consistency!

Warnings: Some smudges of angst, smut, insecurities, language

Also it got WAY longe than I expected so i got a little carried away. 

As John slept, he dreamt he sat perched on a throne made bones. It overlooked a high cliff that faced the ocean where the wind burned his face and he could hear seagulls screaming in the background.

He was alone. For once he wished he had the screaming crowds and bandmates calling his name. But only the shrieking gulls filled his ears.

The dream seemed to go on for two lifetimes and the atmosphere felt staticky as the waves repeatedly crashed against the shores and hit the rocks. At times he could feel the soft kiss of saltwater sprinkling against his face.

He blinked for the first time in what felt like ages and suddenly his throne of bones began to collapse, he grasped at them panicked as he desperately tried to prevent himself from falling. Just as his footing slipped John shot up in his bed breathing heavily. He blinked to clear the bleariness that had settled from sleep and palmed his bedside table for his glasses and crudely wiped them on his sheets to clear the fingerprints before slipping them on. 

Suddenly the room was clear, and the sound of gulls was replaced with Sean’s squealing laughter. It helped John feel grounded in his brief moment of panic. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Christ, what did he have to do today again? John ran his fingers through is knotted hair and slipped out of his bed. Right, he had to do several interviews to promote his new album and single that was just released then he had a dinner party. He grimaced at the thought of having to sit for several hours with a group of yuppies and pretend to enjoy their conversation.

As John walked through is bedroom he slipped on a pair of slippers and his dressing gown before stopping in front of his full length mirror. He gave his belly a firm pat, he’d lost a significant amount of weight in the last five years, mostly from depression, but it was still a small victory in his eyes. Atleast he had that going for him.

The bedroom door open and John found himself lured to the kitchen by the smell of syrup and pancakes. He flashed you a tight-lipped smile, “You’re early.” He greeted you.

You shrugged your shoulders, not looking up from the batter as you poured it into the skillet, “I know I thought my exam was going to take much longer than it did.” You said sheepishly. John had been gracious enough to accept you as his assistant and sometimes nanny. He was nice and the job helped you learn a lot about public relations and management, which is what you had hoped to do after you’d graduated from university. 

“Do you want some pancakes? Sean helped with them.” You said waving the ladle towards John.

He shrugged, still groggy from sleep. He really didn’t want any, but the way Sean stared at him with his big black eyes begging changed his mind. He sighed after his idle moment in thought and nodded his head, “I suppose I should see what the little chief has made for us.” He smiled and ruffled the kid’s hair.

After breakfast John rushed to get ready, “And you’re okay with taking Julian to piano lessons? Remember Sean still needs to finish that cough medicine from his cold earlier last week, and they can’t stay up past-” he rushed out his of things that he now only worried about due to having children.

You placed your hand on John’s arm and gave him a look, “John I’ve worked with you for almost three years, I think I can handle a day of babysitting. Julian will get to piano lesson on time and Sean will get his medicine; and don’t worry I won’t give them any sugar past 6pm.” John chose to ignore the little wink you gave Julian and Sean from the other side of the room.

He let out a sigh and his shoulders relaxed, “I know, I just” Worry I’m not good enough, his intrusive thoughts echoed in his mind and he shook his head before sharply inhaling, “I just worry about them, you know how it is.” You didn’t, you weren’t a parent. But you understood a little bit with where he was coming from.

You gave John a sympathetic nod and patted his shoulder, “Go on, you’re going to be late for the interview.” You said and turned him, pushing him towards the door.

A small smile settled on John’s face, it didn’t matter if he left for 8 hours or a full week, he still gave you the same reminders and the same list when Yoko or Cynthia couldn’t take the kids. John rushed out the door and you turned towards the boys and grinned at them. They were both nice, Julian had a wee bit of an attitude, but you chocked it up to him being in double digits while Sean was a curious and surprisingly even-tempered boy.

You made sure Julian got to and from piano lessons okay and wrestled with Sean to take the last dose of his medication, bribing him with some cookies. The remainder of the afternoon and evening you watched a movie with them, walked in the park, and drew pictures of the cats.

At lunch time John called to check in on the boys and to let you know it was going to be a late night, after reassuring him everything was fine you resumed your conversation with Sean about some fabulous story he was making up.

John sat at the dinner party, poking at his food and listening to his scientist friend tell them about a fancy new machine they got at work. The autoclave used immense amounts of heat and pressure to sterilize items, nothing survived the autoclave. In that moment John decided he saw some of his own likeness in the machine. As the voices turned to mumbles and John fell deep into thought he found that his own heart was harsh an inhospitable, much like the machine. That was why he was mostly alone in his 17-room apartment in New York City. His two wives couldn’t even make his home their home, and when he received a phone call from Cynthia or Yoko saying they were coming to pick the children up or to send them home on the morrows next fight he couldn’t say it struck him by surprise.

As the evening grew late you put Sean to bed and then an hour later you sent Sean to bed, much to your surprise neither of the boys fought with you tonight over why it was unfair they had different bedtimes or how they should be allowed to stay up later because it was summertime.

Infomercials from the television droned in your ears and lulled you to sleep as you sprawled out on the couch. A hand touching your shoulder caused you to jump and you blinked before John came into focus, “I’m home, you can stay the night in the guest room. It’s too late for you to go home alone.” He said kindly.

You rubbed your eyes and groggily sat up, “How did the meetings go today?” You asked after a deep yawn.

John’s face scrunched up, the way it did when he was frustrated and deep in thought, “It was alright.” He shrugged.

“What do you mean alright? You just released a new single, no one had an opinion on it?” You asked as you made your way through one of the many long hallways that made up his Dakota apartment.

John followed you, hoping for conversation and company, “I don’t know, I must have termites in me brain or something.” He frowned leaning against the door of the bathroom and watching you rummage through the cabinet for your spare toothbrush. Your movements moved on memory and you pushed aside the antacids and ibuprofen to get to the toothbrush you kept in the back of the medicine cabinet. The familiarity in your actions made John feel comforted.

“what do you mean?” You asked before you began brushing your teeth. You watched as John shifted, leaning against the door jam. He felt uncomfortable. You could tell.

He looked away from you, “I’m washed up I suppose.” He dug his shoe into the grout of the bathroom tile, “No one wants to listen to a former Beatle without the other three.” John wanted to open up to you but his body felt like an unstable bag of foam and bones and his ability to speak clearly vanished.

You spat out your toothpaste and wiped the remainder off with the towel that hung on the wall, “Oh come off it,” You scolded him, “You don’t mean that do you?”

Now it was your turn to follow John as he walked through the house, kicking his shoes off and tossing his jacket to the side, “That’s how it seems.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek, “Every time I talk to one of these hokey television people, they just rub it in me face how successful Paul or George are doing.” He frowned, “And I’m just sitting here, a one hit wonder. No songs in the last five years.” He tugged open the door to his wardrobe and pulled out sleeping cloths and tossed them onto the bed, “Paul’s got his 87 children, and his new better band. What do I have?” His cheeks started turning red and his thick brows furrowed.

You listened to him complain about his imperfections, he obviously needed to get them off his chest, “John,” You said softly interrupting his monologue, “You don’t mean that.” You bluntly said.

John looked away from you and huffed loudly, “First I get called the fat Beatle, then I get torn to shreds for saying one thing about Christianity and now I can’t even write a damn song anymore.” He angrily pulled his shirt over his head, “If I can’t even write a damn song what use am I?” He continued to mumble to himself and tug the thin and worn sleep shirt over his head and stuck his arms through the hole.

You walked forward and boldly grabbed John’s wrist as he reached for his lounge pants, “Stop it,” You said in the same tone of voice you used to scold one of the children, “I don’t want to hear you say bad things about yourself that aren’t true.” Your brows knit together as John turned to look at you.

His eyes narrowed to little slits as he studied your face. John felt as though the throne of fame he once sat upon was now crumbling, much like in his dream “You’re just an assistant, you don’t know anything.” He said coldly and shrugged you off.

You know he didn’t mean it, but the words stung, “Yeah, I’m just your assistant who watches your kids, and takes them to piano lessons, and does your laundry, and brings you take away when you are too sad to leave your room.” You shot back.

Your words hit John like a 10-ton truck, and he looked at you shocked, none of his assistants had ever been this bold before. They all cowered beneath the mighty John Lennon, but you were different. Your tongue was just as sharp as his, and he hated to admit it; but he liked the way your brows furrowed, and your eyes ignited with fire every time you argued back at him. He wanted to get a rise out of you, so he pushed you, “I pay you for it, don’t go around thinking you’re special. I could post your job in the paper and have hundreds of college kids lining up to work for me.” He hissed stepping towards you.

You were backed into a wall, literally and figuratively, you felt at a loss for words. John was right and you both knew it, what was the worst that could happen if you pushed back a bit? “Do it, I dare you.” You scoffed and moved to push past him, “Surprised anyone would like to work for a washed-up Beatle.” You mumbled under your breath knowing that he would hear you.

John brought his arm up and pushed you back into your spot between the wall and pushed his lips against yours. It was hard and messy; your teeth clicked together, and your noses knocked. It took a moment for you to realize what was happening until John roughly shoved his knee between your legs. You let out a whimper feeling him pull away and start leaving hot open-mouthed kisses along your jaw and trailing down to your neck. Your chest heaved against him and you swallowed thickly, and you desperately tried to focus as he continued to latch onto your neck, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin, “John.” You whined and ground yourself against his thigh.

He loved how you practically purred his name as you spoke. John’s hands pushed down on your hips, helping you as you slid against his thigh with wanton need. Your breathy sighs sent a shiver that crept down his spine and settled in his belly, “We can stop, just say it and I’ll stop.” He said rubbing his nose along your jaw.

You swallowed thickly, “Please don’t,” You didn’t want to go back now.

John pulled away and pulled you by your wrist before pushing you back onto the bed. You bounced back against the plush large mattress and laid against the pillows and watched as John knelt between your legs. He rubbed his hands along your thighs and kissed you’re the skin that had become exposed from your shirt riding up and pushed it up more. He sucked and left kitten licks as he exposed more of you stomach and chest, kissing between your breasts and sucking at the soft skin on the sides.

John peeled your shirt off and in one swift movement your breasts were exposed and your top and underclothes tossed aside. He dove against your neck again, deepening the marks he’d already left prior and adding new ones, nipping at the skin and inhaling your scent. You reached your fingers and laced them in his soft long hair. You’d always wondered how it felt and how it smelt. You found yourself burying your nose into the side of his head and breathing deeply. He smelled like stale smoke, the gum he always chewed as a nervous habit, and like his eucalyptus shampoo. It made your brain feel dizzy.

Your legs wrapped around John’s narrow hips and pulled him flush against you. He groaned feeling your heat against his awakening erection and ground against you. he felt like he was 18 again, sneaking home some blurry faced bird through the back door at Mimi’s after coming home too late. But this felt better, it wasn’t some random company for the night; it was you.

The assistant he hired on a whim because he needed someone to watch Sean while he flew to LA for recording, the same person who folded his laundry, the first person he told of his divorce from Yoko. Even in his dream as he stood alone on the edge of the cliff as his throne collapsed, he knew if he called your name you would come.

Now, here he was; swallowing your moans eagerly in his mouth and listening as you left ragged breathy gasps in his ear as he ground against you. His hands fumbled with the buttons on your pants before he finally gave up and pulled them open, the small button popping off and bouncing to the other side of the room. John kissed your hips and along the lower half of your stomach and it twitched.

You squirmed, looking down and seeing his intently focused face as he yanked down your underwear and jeans and carelessly tossed them aside. You suddenly became aware of your nakedness as you stared down at John, fully clothed in a loose sleep shirt and the pants he wore today. Your eyes trailed his body and you sat up, tugging at his shirt. Your movements were hesitant and less confident than his. John’s hands guided his shirt up and he tugged it off, throwing it to join the rest of your discarded cloths and you ran a hand along his chest. Admiring the freckles and imperfections that made him distinctly human. He pulled back and shrugged his pants off and resumed his spot between your legs, pushing you back down.

John kissed the sides of your knees and made his way up your thighs, “Is this okay?” He murmured.

You shivered feeling his lips moving against your legs and nodded your head, urging him to continue. The pit of nervousness that settled in your belly violently vanished as you felt John’s hot tongue swipe between your folds and lap at you, “Jesus Christ,” You gasped out.

You could feel John smirk as he hooked his arms under your legs and pulled you close. He spread you apart, groaning and rubbing your clit with his thumb, “Has anyone ever done this to you before?” He asked glancing up at you.

You swallowed thickly and shook your head, “N-no,” You choked out.

John hummed acknowledging your answer and licked at your core again, taking his time to trace lazy shapes around the bundle of nerves. It sent a tingle that rang through your whole body, from the tips of your toes to your fingers and you desperately reached for John’s hair to keep him in place.

Your toes curled and you pressed John’s face closer against you and bucked your hips, grinding against his face. He groaned and pressed back, pulling you closer against his face. The plug between your brain and mouth disconnected and your mind felt like it was swimming. The string in your stomach tightened as you continued to grind against John’s tongue as he lapped at you. Your soft breathy sighs climbed in pitch before it snapped and your hips squirmed against him. John firmly held you down and he harshly rubbed your clit. The burning sensation caused your toes to curl, your eyes to blissfully shut, and made your legs shake. Your hips tried to jerk away from his hand, but he held you down, watching you writhe, jaw hanging slightly ajar.

“St-op” You choked out and gripped his wrist, letting out a sob as he pushed you to your peak once again. Your chest heaved and your legs shook as it washed through you. You curled into yourself and your face scrunched up.

John left you no room to breathe as he pulled your face close to his and captured your mouth in an open mouth. His tongue explored your mouth and you could taste yourself. You gripped at his forearms and pulled him back down, thumbing his briefs and tugging them down. John smiled against your mouth as he wiggled out of them, twisting his legs and shifting before he finally gave up and broke your kiss for a moment to tug them the rest of the way down.

You reached to kiss him and frowned as he pulled away, settling between your legs and rubbing his cock teasingly between your wet folds before he pushed in. You gasped, feeling John stretch you as his pelvis pushed against the back of your legs. He sat there for a moment and his face reached up and cupped yours as he hovered just inches away from your face.

You brought your hand up and placed it on John’s, his thumb traced your bottom lip and he slowly moved his hip, pushing deep inside you. Your mouth fell open and you let out a soft moan. John eagerly took the opportunity to slip his thumb into your mouth and pushed harder into you as your lips wrapped around it.

John’s hands gripped your hips as his picked-up speed, pulling them against him and making your skin slap together. He fell over you and you wrapped your arms around him pulling his body close to yours. His head fell next to your shoulder and he messily kissed up your shoulder and up to the side of your mouth before you captured his. Your kiss lacked tact and was only motivated by wanton need for each other. Your teeth clanked harshly together, and you clung to John as though he would vanish from you in an instant.

John broke the kiss and latched onto your neck once again, nipping at the skin and leaving a lingering and dull pain as he continued his trail before settling near your ear. John’s grunts and soft breathy sighs were perhaps the best sound’s you’d ever heard. In that moment you didn’t care that your bodies stuck together with sweat, or that your head kept bumping against the headboard.

You found yourself reaching for John and whimpering as he pulled away and hooked his arms under your knees and brought them up, leaning onto you and pushing deeper inside you. Your back arched off the mattress as he pulled back and began to slowly rut deep inside you.

John clenched his teeth together and hissed, feeling your walls twitching around him as he continued his languid pace, “Please,” You said softly, your brows knit together and your eyes looking helplessly up at him.

His lips spread into a knowing smirk, “Please what?” His voice sounded ragged and strained as he continued to tease you.

“More please,” You barely recognized the whiny tone of your voice.

“Yeah?” He asked and harshly snapped his hips against yours, “Like that?” He asked snapping them again. The headboard lightly tapped the wall as John’s thrusts grew harder and faster while your staccato moans followed jointly. John watched you, your mouth hanging open and skin shiny from the combination of his and your sweat that coated your body. He felt more human in this moment than he’d felt in a long time.

John’s brows knit together, and his thighs clenched, he didn’t want this to end. You pulled his arms and pulled him close to you, not caring if it seemed like you were being clingy, “Come inside me,” You breathed out next to his ear.

John’s body seized up and he huffed out a shaky haggard breath before he came, holding you close against his body and riding out the high that fogged over his senses.

For a moment he laid on top of you, softening inside you but enjoying the intimate closeness the two of you shared in your post coital haze. John kissed your shoulder before pulling back and kissing your lips. He pulled back and the two of you smiled at each other.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

You couldn’t help but turn your head and breath out a small laugh before John rolled over to your side. The two of you laid on top of his wrinkled duvet staring at each other. You pursed your lips and remembered what you said earlier, “I didn’t mean it, what I said.” You said sheepishly looking away.

John’s expression was soft as he looked at you, “I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it either.” He said his arm now resting on your shoulder. He pulled you against his bare chest and you pushed your knee between his legs, entangling your bodies together as John held you. 

[dreamescapeswriting]

[22:29] ~ Minho [M]

[22:29]

Word Count: 1.1K

Genre: Smut, enemies to lovers, car sex,

Not my gif, credit to owner

Minho stared at you from across the room while your boss spoke to you both. Seungmin had decided to give you an assignment together and he'd done nothing but glare at you since,

"That's all. You're excused." Seiungmin stood up from the conference desk and left you, Minho, Jeongin and Jisung in the room alone. Why couldn't you have been put with either of them, you would have taken the janitor over Minho. Anyone but Minho,

"You guys should put your differences aside for this one assignment or it'll never get done." You looked at Jeongin while he spoke, he may have been the youngest in your office but he knew what he was talking about.

"He's right, you guys just need to move on from whatever it is bothering you." Minho was what was bothering you, ever since you'd started working there he'd done nothing but make snide comments about the way you worked, the way you dressed and just everything about you and it got on your nerves.

"I'll behave if she will," You rolled your eyes at him and got up from the table,

"I'll be on my best behaviour sir," You mocked as you walked past him and out of the conference room going over to your small desk. You still had a report to edit and have emailed to your boss for the newspaper before you started on the new assignment first.

"What are you doing?" Minho asked when he walked over to your desk, his arms folded over his chest as he stared you down.

"Working. What are you doing?" You asked looking at him, you placed the pen you were holding into your mouth and then started throwing your hair into a ponytail. Fuck what he would do to hold onto your hair while he fucked into your mouth, he cleared his throat trying to ignore the thoughts in his head.

"We should start working on our report right away, go out and get interviews." Glancing from him to the time on your desktop,

"It's 8 pm...On a Friday night...No one is going to want to talk to us-" He grabbed your wrist and pulled you up from the chair not wanting to hear a no from you.

"Fuck sake! Okay! I get it." You reached for your bag and followed him out of the offices and towards the car park.

"Another door slammed in our faces. I told you no one would speak to us-"

"Shut up." You rolled your eyes at him and he'd had enough of it, you'd done nothing but roll your eyes and say I told you so since you'd been out with him. He stormed over to the car and once you were both there he slammed your chest against the door and smirked as you whimpered at him.

"You're so fucking full of yourself aren't you?" You stared at him over your shoulder and he ground his hips into your ass, suppressing a moan as he felt your ass against his cock.

"W-What are you doing?" You stuttered, the whole time you'd thought Minho he'd hated your guts and he wanted nothing to do with you.

"Something I've wanted to do for a long time," He whispered kissing down your neck and smiling against your skin as he heard you moan his name, it was music to his ears. He’s imagined it a million times before,

"I know you have too," He ran his hand up your inner thigh and his fingers graced your pussy as he did so. You breath hitched as his fingers came into contact, you hadn’t worn underwear that day thanks to your roommate fucking up the laundry days not taking anything for you in.

"No panties? At work, you dirty girl." You whimpered and turned around kissing him hard on the lips, he smirked and reached behind you for the door handle letting you into the back of his car and laying you down on the seat.

"So fucking hot all of the time," He chuckled kissing down your neck and sucking along your collarbone and ripping your blouse open to reveal a black laced bra - usually had black matching panties but again laundry fucked up,

"So hot." He grunted and you pushed down his trousers having no time for foreplay. You'd been soaking wet since the moment he'd dragged you out of the office by him.

"Desperate?" You nodded in answer to his question and he chuckled at you running the tip of his cock at your entrance and slacking himself up in your arousal.

"Fuck sake just fuck me Minho-" Your back arched as he slipped into you and grunted, he smirked down at you holding himself in place while you adjusted to his size,

"Mmm so big," You moaned out as he slowly began to thrust in and out of you, he linked one of your legs over his shoulder so he could reach deeper and you whined out feeling him hit your hilt.

"R-Right there," He started to get cocky once he knew he was hitting you in all the right spaces and he continued his rough thrusts into you picking up the pace.

"You're so tight around me baby, feels so good." You giggled at him lost in your haze as you felt yourself getting closer to your climax. You'd dreamt of him fucking you for so long and now it was finally happening it was making it all so surreal.

"D-Do that again," He begged wanting to feel you clench around him again, you smirked clenching around him and it only encouraged his thrusts. He began to get rougher as you moaned out his name, hands reaching for something to clutch onto but running your hand down the fogged-up window.

"So cliche." He chuckled looking at you and you whimpered out not wanting to hear him being cocky or snide right now,

"Cum, n-need to cum." Was all you could manage to whimper out and he nodded at you, kissing down your neck and sucking along your collarbone once again.

"Cum over my cock babe." He whispered biting down on your ear, your back arched as the orgasm rolled through your body sending a wave of heat through you that made your head spin.

"Minho!" You cried out hands digging into his shoulders as you rocked through your release,

"U-ugh shit." He pulled out cumming onto your stomach making you hum as you felt the warm liquid hit your stomach. You reached down and slipped some onto your finger and into your mouth sucking them clean while he watched in ‘awe’ of you.

"So erm...Why do you hate me?" You asked as you sat in silence in the car, he looked at you.

"I don't." You scoffed at him and shook your head, you knew he did so you had no idea why you’d asked in the first place. Part of you was hoping he would do all of this again with you bu another part was telling you it was just a new way of him being a dick to you.

"Yes you do, you've hated me since I started-"

"No. I've wanted to fuck you since you started there but I couldn't until now." Your cheeks began to heat up and he smiled reaching over and running his hand over your cheek.

"Cute. Let's go get food and then I'll take you home." You looked at him,he was being really soft and nothing like the Minho you’d come to know at work.

"Food?"

"Well I'm not gonna fuck you and leave you, let me take you out and then plan another date." You linked hands and smiled at him while nodding.

"I'd love that."  

[fymoonbyul]

[INTERVIEW] Moonbyul ㅡ ELLE Korea Star (May) Interview

Moonbyul do whatever you want! Behind the Girl Crush icon, Moonbyul.

ELLE KOREA: With the hashtag #byul2closet, you consistently post your daily look on Instagram.  MOONBYUL: I've recently started showing that I've gotten in an interest in styling. In the past, if I preferred dandy vibes, now, I'm looking for new things that suit me. Accessories, bold prints and colors, and even brands that I didn't know about before. Listening and seeing a lot of things made me want to try wearing new clothes more.

ELLE KOREA: You're a 'hobby rich', right? It seemed like you purchased an electric bicycle not too long ago.  MOONBYUL: I am. I take pictures, learn how to edit videos, and have been working hard doing upper body exercises that I started because I didn't like appearing small. The charms of an electric bicycle is that it looks like a motorcycle. Solar unnie got her driver's license earlier than me, but I'm also the first member of MAMAMOO to buy a car. Though, when I ask the members to ride bikes together, they tell me we should just stay still. (laughs).

ELLE KOREA: A few years ago, I happened to run into MAMAMOO fans at an arrival gate at the airport. The female ratio was high. MOONBYUL: The fandom is actually diverse, but I think female fans are more active. It's thrilling and touching that we're acknowledged by the same gender. Because we're the same gender, I feel like they understand me that much more, and my inner side.

ELLE KOREA: You ran through last year really busily. From activities with your second solo album, 'Dark Side of the Moon', to MAMAMOO's 10th mini album, 'Travel'. How is it looking back after catching your breath now? MOONBYUL: Surprisingly, I was able to meet with fans until early February last year, right until my solo activities. That's why I felt the difference in energy in a bigger way during activities. It was MAMAMOO's group comeback for the first time in a year, and we couldn't receive fans' energies. Still, with solos, I was able to show my color, and each member of MAMAMOO was able to show their individuality, so I'm proud even looking back now.

ELLE KOREA: You also had your first solo concert. You're the second MAMAMOO member, following Solar.  MOONBYUL: It eventually had to be an online concert. I even dreamt of an overseas tour, so I was thankful. But, on the other hand, it was a shame. The decreased feeling of playing together on stage couldn't be helped either.

ELLE KOREA: Because MAMAMOO is a group that best suits the phrase that 'the stage is a playground'. I can feel confidence from your words about planning an overseas tour with your solo concert.  MOONBYUL: I had passion and ambition (laughs). I think it was fun doing my own music at the time. I'm someone who moves, not because I'm good at something, but out of interest. Of course I felt the empty place of my members. Because I always moved as 4 with Solar unnie, Wheeinie and Hwasa.

ELLE KOREA: You're the rapper in your group, but you've been showing your vocal skills a lot lately. 8 years into your debut now, has the standard of how well you perform on stage changed?  MOONBYUL: There was a time where I was busy showing bright and made up appearances. I thought I had to make an effort to do that better because people anticipated that side of me. Now, that's also important, but I think more about how I need to do what I like. After I had a couple of experiences of fulfilling what I only thought of in my head, I realized that you can work for a long time when you do what you want.

ELLE KOREA: What emotions and experiences do you reflect most when writing songs?  MOONBYUL: At first, they were mainly experiences. I've written about love stories, too. But I slowly started running out of material. In a way, for me, work is greater than love. So, rather than dating during that time, I think I liked creating something of my own more. When reading poem collections lately, I'll look for things to talk about, and write stories that can happen anywhere. Since there are relatable elements in daily life like, 'I drank water when I woke up'.

ELLE KOREA: Are things going smoothly at Naver NOW's 'Studio Moon Night' that you're a host of?  MOONBYUL: I started in February of this year. 'Studio Moon Night', it's going really well lately. Contact from guests have been pouring in (laughs).

ELLE KOREA: I can feel your affection for the show with how you made the logo song yourself. It ends with the lyrics, 'what kind of day you had, hug me'.  MOONBYUL: My dream was to be a radio DJ. It's like my dream came true, so I thought it would be good to make a logo song. I'm not am amazing person, but I made it with the hopes that people can confide in me even more comfortably.

ELLE KOREA: I didn't know you dreamt of being a radio DJ.  MOONBYUL: I didn't talk much about dreams I the past. I had a vague feeling of wanting to try it, and after turning 30, I couldn't let go of my thoughts about the future. It made me think about what else I can do aside from what I'm doing now.

ELLE KOREA: Meanwhile, you had the dream of wanting to become a singer since you were little. I heard you wouldn't take many pictures other than graduation photos. When did you gain that assurance and confidence?  MOONBYUL: There are family photos left (laughs). In my 2nd year of middle school, I made up my mind to become a singer after being in a carol [singing] contest. Then, I naturally thought, `Ah, I shouldn't have past photos'. I think I must have been confident that I would become a singer. At that age, you have indefinite thoughts that you'll `become something before going to university'.

ELLE KOREA: You're close with a number of girl group members, featuring in songs or writing lyrics for each other. What do you usually talk about when you meet?  MOONBYUL: There are times when I ask about concerns to seniors, but most are younger than me. Because we're in the same work, we share answers about concerns we experiences during similar times. We give each other advice, and we also introduce other acquaintances that we think could be of help.

ELLE KOREA: I also remember the advice you gave to rookie group 'Purple Kiss'. You said, "I would like if you worked while chasing happiness, and gain good people who cheer you on."  MOONBYUL: I could see their concern. There wasn't anyone who said those things to me when I was that age. I didn't know what kind of work this was, but we were our company's first group as well, so there were a lot of things we had to do on our own. I think I told them what I wanted to hear at that time.

ELLE KOREA: In a YouTube video analyzing MAMAMOO's destiny, it said you have to 'strike while the iron is hot'.  MOONBYUL: I saw that video, too! I usually like those kinds of things. You just have to remember the good parts. What's even more interesting is that I actually have that in the lyrics of my song, ’ILJIDO’.

ELLE KOREA: Currently being in your 8th year, what was the strength that helped Moonbyul come this far? 

MOONBYUL: It's MAMAMOO. In the early days of our activities, the members relied on each other, but I think I'm slowly starting to rely on fans a lot. When I make music or do something, it's really reassuring knowing there are people who will have an interest and watch. (Is there a phrase that makes you feel the best, no matter when you hear it?) 'You're doing well'. Even if it's not for singing or dancing, but in daily life or when I attempt something new. When I hear that I'm doing well, even trivially, I realize the fact that I don't have to be trapped in my own frame once again.

trans by ch0ssh1

[orcinus-ocean]

I am watching hours worth of ex-vegan “interviews” or testimonials, so you don’t have to.

I link to each one so you can see them for yourself, but I wrote down the important points of each one, since I believe this is not just important, but vital information. This could save people’s lives, if they just stop and think and look at another perspective before they go into it.

These are real people. They really wanted it. They really knew what they were doing. They weren’t “doing it wrong”. These are their experiences.

Ex-Vegan (8 Years): Veganism Is a Teeth Rotting, Muscle Atrophying, Degenerating, Fart Fest

A young man with a lot of health issues including severe eczema, got into veganism to get healthy

He had previously been living the typical “college” lifestyle with lots of fast food, no health-thinking at all

For the first year or two, he felt amazing, he did fine for four years, had a successful YouTube channel talking about skin health and the vegan diet

Emphasizing how “literally obsessed” he was with his dental hygiene and health, four years into veganism, his teeth were deteriorating and every time he visited the dentist, he had to have a root canal, he had cavities, infections, receding gums, always something

He was always bloated with a visibly bloated belly

Despite being a very health-focused athlete, his muscles wouldn’t grow the way they should

His skin started going “grey” and his hair lost its rich color

His memory and ability to focus deteriorated

He completely lost interest in food - everything “disgusting”

Feeling a craving for protein, he upped the high-protein vegan foods, and he only felt worse and worse

After realizing this diet was making him sick, he took one bite of salmon and “it was like taking drugs” - clear, physical reaction to it, and compared to the plants giving bloating and gas, “it felt like I was eating nothing, but I had so much energy”

After going back to eating animal protein (as much wild fish/meat as possible), his weight corrected itself, strength in the gym went “off the charts”

The pain and irritation he had on the vegan diet went away

His gums went from white pink to red, “right away”

Digestion issues - gone, hormonal issues - gone

“Since I’ve been eating animals, I feel more humble and more gentle towards animals, I feel more respect towards them, and I feel like I understand the cycles of life and appreciate life even more”

He says the vegan diet can help people to “clean out the body” as it did for him, but veganism, he doesn’t understand. “If your mom was on her death bed, and she had the choice: Die a horrible, painful death, or eat salmon, you would want your mom to die a horrible death rather than eat salmon. I’m asking this to vegans, and a lot of them are like ‘Under no circumstance would I ever have my mom or anyone I know, eat salmon, because it’s killing an animal, it’s abuse’. And I’m like aren’t humans animals?”

“I view the vegan diet as a disease-reversal protocol, not as a ‘forever diet’.”

Ex-Vegan Family: (6+ Years): "Healthy" Vegan & Vegetarian Dogma Depleted Health and Vitality

Casey vegetarian/vegan for ~15 years

Did it to try to clear up his eczema and staph infections (which were so bad the doctors wanted to amputate his legs), didn't really work

He did feel great for the first few months as a raw vegan, but looking back, he believes it was more due to cutting out grains and processed foods, since he found grains are terrible for him

Lost a lot of weight, rotting teeth, reoccuring cavities

Gina became vegan at the age of 13, being a picky eater and caring about animals

The "readymade" vegan food wasn't doing well for her, so she started eating only raw vegan food

She felt really good - for about six months. After six months, a very severe depression, accompanied by brain fog, lack of mental focus, constant hunger, weight loss and joint pain, kicked in

She believed so hard that this had to be right, that she stayed a vegan for 6 years, before introducing dairy

At the age of 17, after four years on veganism, developed a cancerous tumor on her leg (not necessarily connected, but worth noting)

Five years into veganism she was pregnant, and began craving red meat - they started buying local dairy, meat, liver and eggs

After the baby, she went back to raw veganism, and the joint pain came back, "it's detox"

She instead went back to being vegetarian rather than raw vegan, but she still suffered from worsening joint pain, fatigue, brain fog

A couple of years later, she was pregnant again and she was craving red meat so much she even dreamt about it

Her conclusion was "I must be doing it wrong, I must just eat more of the high-protein vegan food"

For her third pregnancy, she stayed vegan, and the birth was the hardest one she had

The baby had the lowest birth weight of the three, still normal weight, but later, he wasn't gaining weight normally

The child couldn't sit up at six months, couldn't walk at a year old, was depressed, only learned to walk after they gave him meat, and he finally became happy

Then on her fourth pregnancy, she was not vegan for the first half, but went back to raw vegan on the latter half of the pregnancy, and this child was healthy

On raw veganism at the end of the fourth pregnancy, her teeth were "falling apart", her bones were aching, and she was so foggy she couldn't think or remember anything

At the end of her pregnancy, she hadn't gained any weight, just stayed the same

Her teeth were full of cavities, despite having been to the dentist and "fixed everything" just some months prior

They could never manage raw fruit more than six months at a time, constant hunger

They believed the constant hunger could be due to parasites, so they ate anti-parasitic herbs which only made things worse

When she stopped eating vegetables (only fruit?), she got skin rashes as well

When they went back to meat, they felt full for the whole day, while on raw veganism, they had to eat all the time and were still always hungry

At the time of filming, they were completely off veganism for four months and she feels like her brain has "grown", she has energy, can exercise again, is gaining muscle

Ex-Vegan (4 Years): How Veganism Shortened My Lifespan

Started veganism as a New Year’s resolution to turn his life around, after living “like a degenerate”

He started with a month-long juice fast, where he felt great

On the first year as a “whole foods vegan” (mainly raw), he suffered from loss of libido, insomnia, migraines, arthritis, couldn’t build muscle

After a year, he went back to a diet of white rice, lean meat, bone marrow and occasional red meat

This diet immediately got his libido and muscle growth back

After some time, peer pressure made him drop the meat, but he still ate eggs

The vegans around him told him “if you continue to eat meat and dairy, you will not be able to ascend and channel divine guidance”

One of them was a nutritionist, and when he told her veganism destroyed his health, she said that he needs to be on 80/10/10, a fruit-based diet

He stayed on it for five months, and it was “the worst 4-5 months of my life”

He went on another vegan diet, based on sprouts, sea vegetables and algae, and a bunch of supplements

Same problems - lack of libido, insomnia, lack of muscle, migraines, cracking joints

A friend who saw him for the first time in years said “you look like one of those kids in the refugee camps”, because his face was so sunken-in

His friend eventually convinced him to go with him to a steakhouse, and he describes the first bite he took as “the fat going straight into my brain” and he felt “like a dying wolf”

He gorged on 2-3 pounds of fatty meat, slept for twelve hours, and his friends told him he immediatly looked like a completely different person

His cracking joints, dry skin and insomnia went away

Still, he went back to veganism, and all the problems came back

He went back and forth between raw veganism and primal diet every 2-4 weeks, rebuilding on an animal-based diet, deteriorating on a plant-based diet, always thinking “this time I will make it work”

He had to give up aiming for optimum health as a vegan, instead aiming for just “normal stability”

Staying at an old vegan institute managed by one of the creators of his sprouts-algae-supplements diet, doing a colonic, the worker there admitted to him most of them there are not vegan, because they fall apart on it, but go on a primal diet

During the colonic, the worker pushed his liver, and he felt “fire” going down his intestines. What came out was all green, spirulina, algae and other such supplements, which had simply stored in his liver

He speaks a lot about studies on different “uncivilized” peoples around the world, who were all eating high amounts of animal fat, wherever they lived

At the end, he speaks of where veganism might be coming from, and the lie that veganism is good for the environment

His message to vegans is to “quit bothering and harassing people”, and that if you care about animals, go buy cheap land in Arizona and make an animal shelter or something, instead of bullying people who eat meat

Ex-Vegan (2 Years): Vegans Have No Empathy for Humans

Vegetarian for six years, before going vegan

Ate mainly raw vegan, and then her stomach became “an empty, vacant hole”, she was always hungry

Throughout her time on veganism, she was taking lots of supplements

Her skin dried up, she got acne all over her face

She became “emotional and neurotic” and “absolutely insane” from a lack of B12

A lot of talk about the cult mindset in the “vegan community”

Starting to eat eggs again, she felt “a little bit better”, but still felt hungry all the time

Panic attacks over tiny things, anemia, constant diarrhea

Started eating fish, it didn’t help much

She was always hungry but had no appetite, had to force-feed herself

After a particularly bad day, she realized she was risking her life, and ate steak the next day

Eating steak for the first time in years, she felt warmth throughout her body, tingling on her head, and “satiated” for the first time in years, “it changed my life”

Ex-Vegan (12+ Years): Veganism Is Starvation - Fruitarianism Is Suicide

Started in 2002 as a vegetarian for a year before going vegan, became raw vegan from 2009-2011, then went on to fruitarianism until 2015

She says many feel great the first year or so on veganism, because they cut out all the junk from their diet

She had digestive issues prior to becoming vegan, thought it might help, but it only got worse and she got sicker as the years progressed

After six years and only getting sicker, she thought it must be the drugs for her health issues, "I'm doing it wrong", or "my body is wrong"

(They talk about some very interesting "meat and milk causes cancer"-studies four minutes in)

She said the raw vegan years were the worst of her life, that her brain “stopped functioning”. She became "permanently psychotic", she "saw hell" and heard voices - conclusion: "oh, it's detox"

When she stopped veganism in 2015, she had a test done on her hair. They said they had never seen that much heavy metal in someone's hair before

She had been doing nothing but "cleansing" and "detoxing" for the past five years, and she was "the most toxic, sick person you'll ever meet"

She was “literally dying” towards the end, freezing cold all the time, her bones hurt so much she couldn't lay on a hard surface

She couldn't digest anything but fruit anymore, it took two years of quitting raw veganism until the point where she could digest vegetables and meat again

Her teeth had to be all "redone", because they were rotten to the roots, her hair was falling out

She was told that on this fruitarian diet, it will feel like hell for 2-3 years, because of the "detox", then they will feel great, like godlike beings

But since 2-3 years passed and people still felt awful, their "leader" changed that to "people are so sick today, the detox will take 5-6 years!"

This also didn't happen, people stuck for 5-6 years and only got sicker, so the story changed to "7-8 years, then you will feel great!"

Her comment: "You can't be a herbivore and be healthy. If you want to have a life of mental illness and an early death and degeneration, go be vegan."

Many of these people have also spoken of how many well-known names in the vegan/raw/fruitarian communities (from YouTubers to authors) are known “cheaters” who eat meat frequently in order to stay healthy, while lying to their audiences and telling them to stay vegan.

These were only five. I will do more of these posts, to keep them at a readable length.

[toogoodmusic]

THE TOO GOOD TEN with YAM HAUS

Pursuing a career in music is tough but made a bit easier when you get to do it alongside long-time friends. That’s a reality for the four-piece band, Yam Haus out of Minneapolis. The alt-pop band appeared on the scene in 2018 with their debut single, “West Coast” - a chill synth infused pop song - that immediately gained some traction and shot up over a million streams. Since then, the group has released their 13 song debut album, Stargazer and the 2020 The Band Is Gonna Make It EP and more recently their single “novocaine.” They follow-up “novocaine” with the upbeat and funky “Whatever It Is” that encourages you to not sweat the small stuff. Just as much friends as they are musicians the boys of Yam Haus show their less serious side in their Youtube Vlogs and social media and have garnered a passionate fanbase to boost. Get to know your new favorite band by checking out their latest single above and their full Too Good Ten interview below:

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good. Let’s go.

1. Taking it back to the beginning – how did the four of you come together to from Yam Haus?

YAM HAUS: We’re high school friends that met up after college and decided to go for the dream of being in a band together. This is something we’ve all dreamt of doing since we were kids.

2. We’ve gotta touch on the band name – Yam Haus – its so unique. The YAM is an acronym stands for “You Are Me” correct? How did the name come to be? What does “You Are Me” mean to you?

YH: We were living in a house together when we started the band and had started calling it the "Yam House” as a reminder of the whole “you are me” thing in relation to being good roommates, friends, etc. We were totally strapped trying to find a name that wasn’t already taken and someone suggested calling the band that and we just went for it. We spelt house in German just to make it look weird.

3. You guys have played alongside some impressive names in music such as Kacey Musgraves, Tori Kelly, Andy Grammer, American Authors and lovelytheband just to name a few. What does it mean to share a stage with acts like that? Any learnings from watching these artists perform?

YH: It means a lot. It’s such a privilege to get the chance to play alongside artists that are further along than us. One of the biggest things we’ve learned from a lot of bigger artists is to stay humble and not take any of this for granted.

4. “WHATEVER IT IS” is out now! How does this song feel different or similar to previous releases? How long had you been working on this one?

YH: To compare it to our previous releases, it has the feel good message of a song like “Groovin’” and the more ambitious production of a song like “The Thrill.” It was fun to see those two vibes come together. It’s a song we needed personally, with how gloomy this past year has been for literally everybody on earth, it felt good to stumble into making a feel good song organically. Seth made the demo in February of this year, and we made the verses and then brought it down to Nashville with our producer Mark Needham and a co-writer Aaron Raitiere and they helped us bring it to the finish line that same month. It was a pretty quick process.

5. Your social media is hilarious and seems like you guys are really good friends in addition to being bandmates. Do you guys feel it’s important to not take each other/life too seriously when pursuing a career in music?

YH: Absolutely. Our friendship is a very integral part of what we do. It’s one of our biggest strengths. Another important aspect we’ve tried to remember is to not tie up our personal identities too strongly into social media, while still being true to ourselves and what we’re about. That can be a fine balance to maintain. When we get too wrapped up into everything and in our heads too much, things can start to feel really hopeless and unnecessarily stressful, so it helps to always remember to take a step back and have healthy personal lives that stand can alone outside of the band. When we’re healthy personally it bleeds into Yam Haus in a really beautiful and effortless way.

6. You guys played your first live stream concert (that also featured some in person attendance) in early April. Although there was a live audience component did you prepare differently knowing it’d be a live stream? How’d it feel to be playing shows again?

YH: Not really, we just made a set list we were excited about and showed up and played it like we always do. It feels really good but also it brings up a lot of sad emotions that I feel we’ve all repressed a bit pertaining how much we’ve missed stuff in the past year. It’s bittersweet in a way, and we’re really grateful to be playing again.

7. Do you guys have any funny/weird/heartwarming fan stories/interactions?

YH: Loads! One of my favorites would be when everybody passed little hearts around and held them up at us at First Avenue in December of 2019. We didn’t know that was happening and it surprised us in a really sweet way. Seeing all those hands holding them up at us was so wonderful.

8. Are there any pranks you guys have pulled on each other throughout the years? If so, any stand out?

YH: Yeah we occasionally have thrown surprise “turkey parties” for each other where we decide one of us is a turkey and we have this huge turkey themed party in their honor.

9. For each member, if you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life who would they be?

Lars: Leif Vollebekk, Radiohead, Sheryl Crow, Outkast, Charli XCX

Seth: Coldplay, Frank Ocean, John Prine, Kendrick Lamar, Radiohead

Zach: Bon Iver, Kendrick Lamar, Charli XCX, Stevie Wonder, Radiohead

Jake: Coldplay, Leif Vollebekk, Corrine Bailey Rae, Stevie Wonder, John Mayer

10. What’s the rest of 2021 look like for Yam Haus?

YH: Lots of shows and music releases. Hoping people get vaxxed so we can get back on the road ASAP.

Yes - let’s all hope everyone gets vaccinated so we get live music back ASAP! Especially as they JUST announced their latest tour. For ticket information click HERE.

Shout-out to the guys of Yam Haus for hanging for the most recent Too Good Ten. Need more from these talent guys? Be sure to follow along on their journey below:

SOCIALS:

Facebook

Instagram

TikTok

Twitter

Website

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

Sth that has been happening a lot to me since I got into visual kei and started interacting with other people who were into it is this (this might make some of you laugh or relate, hence why I am sharing xD, just in case I am able to raise some laughs in dark times. Maybe it’s funny only to me, though, fair enough xD, I tend to laugh with my own jokes so...I wouldn’t be surprised if that just looked silly to the rest of the fandom):

I will never understand why people, when we play silly fangirl games, tell me I’d look or be good with Byo. You know those games, you sure have played at least once when you first started being a fan or answered tests on fb about which member you are most likely to be with or who are you most alike xD. It’s been 8 years xD and whenever I am like yes let’s play this, most times people pair me with Byo (yes I occasionally still play this stuff, I am 5). There were times of course when your friends are nice and pair you with the person you are most into and there were times my friends actually thought I could match with my favorite one, but yeah xD.

I generally think I am fugly so when I play these games I play them very lightly, cause I don’t really think I could match with any of my favorites, cause both appearance and personality are meh, but it’s funny to me because I never said to anyone that I see Byo like that. I would love to have a brother like Byo for sure and there were times I talked a lot about him in front of a particular person but that was a) because that person liked him too and b) because I really admire him as an artist and also agree with several things he’s said in interviews or find them funny so yeah xD. My close friends know that even though I don’t talk much about him, Ikuma will always be first in my heart and then when I was asked about top 3s I always went Ikuma, Kazuki and Ruiza. This hasn’t changed through the years but when the games aren’t limited to my top 3 everyone says Byo. xD I played a game yesterday and I remembered it xD, I was like damn, every-single-time xD. And no one has given me a good reason why? I do act a bit like him sometimes, a friend used to call me Byo if I didn’t respond the first 3 times she called my name and I’d turn, but the fact we have similar humor and all doesn’t say anything. I have sth in common with all of my favorites. I mean if I was attracted to him, fine, but I never said I was. I guess it will remain a mystery xD. And I also remember one time, on my bday...a friend who was very close to me for 4-5 years that we hadn’t talked for a while at that time, on my bday, she sent me her wishes and a gif from Screw playing Gather Roses live when Byo was tearing his shirt open. At that moment I was like “Oooh bitch, that was a low blow, how dare you“, you know acting the fool cause I wanted to be nice, I mean she remembered my bday, but in my head I was like “....why Byo? xD I am not...oh man, there we go again“. And even the fb tests always said I was Byo or that I’d match Byo. And to be fair with you, I watch visual kei artists in my dream often, giving me courage when I am down or working with them and stuff like that and the first Screw member I ever dreamt of was Byo. Like, even my subconscious is against me xD. In fact I think I dreamt of him around 5 times before the others decided to show up. I don’t know. It’s started to creep me out. (no offense of course, Byo is a babe, just not my kind of babe. I have the same issue about that with Gackt, when I tell people who like him too that I can’t see him as/like a man they go “OMG ARE YOU FOR REAL?!“, even my sister who isn’t into visual kei has told me off for not being attracted to Gackt xD. I love him but not that way xD)

Side note: Sometimes I think I confuse people based on who I talk the most about but I do it instictively. When I was in junior high I was crazy in love with a guy and I was always talking about him, which had lead people getting bored of me, or friends struggling to find a subject to talk to me about besides him, so I think that, due to that experience, I chicken out from talking about those I don’t only admire but also am attracted to and turn it to someone that is somehow linked to them in my head. For example, I feel it’s easier to talk about Ruki than about Ikuma (when i first got into vkei many people compared them or called them twins so in my head, by talking about Ruki, I calm my need to talk about Ikuma), about Byo than Kazuki (cause same band) and for Ruiza I have no outlet so no one can guess he is my favorite D member unless we end up discussing about the band or sb notices how often I post his pictures compared to other members.

If you guys have sth like that happen to you, share, I’d love to see I am not the only one but well xD, I am in peace with the fact I am a weirdo xD. Who do your friends paired you with in such games? Your favorite or someone else? About those old vkei tests, I think sixth guns are more likely to have experienced this, like wanting a specific member and ending up with another xD. Although, after some time, if you had read enough interviews, you could get the member of your choice if you just followed the lines he had said. In Screw tests, for example, I knew who said what but I was trying to choose stuff I agreed with which often ended up giving me Byo by 1 point difference to Kazuki i think xD. For the Gazette games my results often pointed to Reita and I was wondering why xD. Cause I sure wasn’t picking his answers as often as Aoi’s (again by whether or not I agree with them, otherwise I would go straight to Ruki, I knew what to press to get there xD).

[fanficsandfluff]

Emotions Get the Better (8)

This one’s a bit longer than my other installments, I hope you all like it! I also really hope I’m not making Arthur too out of character. But y’all will let me know.

~~~~

It was date night!

You were excited and for once you didn’t feel much shame over how you felt. It was nice. You did realize the day before that you didn’t even give Arthur a real time to show up, so you didn’t know how to plan the dinner so everything was ready in time. 

You pulled your hair up into a bun and rolled the sleeves of your sweater up and got to cooking. While you were cooking, you were listening to a talk radio channel you frequented, usually because they had funny people on the show. And tonight was a hilarious comedian from another state, and he had you laughing out loud as you prepared dinner. 

You let out a laugh just as you put lamb chops into the pan to start cooking, sizzling as they hit the butter, and you just about missed the knock at your door. You cursed under your breath as hot butter splattered onto your arm when you put in another chop, “Coming!” you yelled as you left your station and went to the door. 

You opened up and there was Arthur, dressed in a button down shirt, vest, and dress pants. It looked like the same thing he wore to Pogo’s. You smiled, “Hi! Come on in, make yourself at home. I just gotta finish up in the kitchen, sorry,” and you went off to watch the potatoes that were probably about to boil over on the stove. 

Arthur chuckled at her erratic nature. He almost didn’t show up, mostly because he kept thinking he dreamt his interaction with Y/N in his doorway. But he pushed himself to come to the written address and now he was very happy he did. He put his shoes neatly next to the other by the door and stepped inside. The smell of the food made his mouth water. And he took a little walk inside her living room, looking at all the pictures she had and what her couch looked like and at the pattern on the rug. Everything. And he liked how everything looked. 

“Can I help with anything?” Arthur asked, approaching you in the kitchen.

“No, I’m fine. I got this under control.”

“You sure?”

You looked over your shoulder at him and smiled, “Actually, can you set the table? Everything’s over there,” you nodded to a spot on your kitchen countertop where you had stacked what needed to go onto the table but never made it. Arthur happily obliged. 

“Wanna hear something funny?” you spoke louder over the radio currently on commercial break, mashing potatoes as you went, “I almost expected you to come in your clown outfit.”

Arthur chuckled, “Why would you expect that?”

“I dunno, my mind is just weird.”

“Well,” Arthur set the forks out at each plate and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a red nose, “I do always have this on me.”

You looked over and laughed pretty loudly, “Oho my god! That’s amazing!” and you set the potatoes aside to finish off your lamb chops in the oven. 

Arthur seemed emboldened by your laugh, so he stuck the nose on and cartoonishly started to walk towards you again. You didn’t pay him much mind, focusing on transferring roasted brussel sprouts into a dish. Then you saw him twirl and take one of your ladles hanging from its place on your kitchen wall, positioning it like a fencing sword in front of him. 

You looked at him like he was a little insane, “Aaaalright, D’Artagnan,” you chuckled and held the dish with the veggie out in front of you, “Can you bring this to the table, please?”

Arthur, or should you say Carnival, saluted you and took the dish from your hands. 

You finished up the rest of the meal and went to join Arthur at the table. He pulled off the red nose before he sat, smiling at you. 

“Thank you for coming,” you told him. You wanted to say thank you again for when he saved your life, but you just didn’t want to bring that up.

“Thanks for the invitation,” and he started filling his plate with food.

You both took your first bites, and Arthur said, “Everything’s delicious.”

“Really? Thanks, I thought I oversalted the potatoes and the lamb was kinda tough--”

“Delicious,” Arthur said again, grinning at your overreaction, “I never eat like this at home.” 

There was another quiet filled by the radio still talking. The comedian was still going, and you snorted into your drink when you were taking a sip, quickly grabbing a napkin to cover your increasingly red face. Arthur looked up.

“Is everything ok?”

“Y-Yeahah... yeah, sorry,” you chuckled, wiping your nose and mouth off, “It’s just.. the radio. You ever listen to this? It’s called Comedic Comedians Nightly. Not a very creative name, I know. But I think you’d like it. They bring on new comedians every night.”

“I haven’t heard of it. I mostly just watch the Murray Franklin show.”

“Oh, you’re a fan?”

“Yeah. Do you like him?”

“Actually, I’ve never really watched his show,” you admitted and Arthur looked shocked and betrayed all at once, which made you laugh again, “I knohow, I know! It’s like a staple for every Gothamite. I just don’t like the whole guest interview stuff, sue me.”

“We can watch him tonight, if you’d like,” Arthur immediately offered, “Just watch the opening bit he does with his standup. You’ll like it.”

You had to smile and you pretended to think about it, “Weeellllll....” you watched his face contort in anticipation of your answer, “Sure, why not.”

Arthur smiled in relief, his whole body relaxing. The two of you continued to eat the dinner you’d prepared. 

“You know what’s weird, ever since that night, I always feel like there’s someone following me whenever I go to work,” very abrupt change of topic, but you just had to talk about your experience. You kept it bottled up ever since it happened.

Arthur tensed up when Y/N mentioned that. He looked right at her. How was he going to say that maybe that feeling was real? How would he admit that he’d been tailing her a few days out of the week, not all of them. He knew it wasn’t all the time. Just a couple times. He knew where she worked, he just wanted to make sure she made it safely. She was the only person in so, so long that treated him like he was a normal human being, that actually liked him. Would she get mad? She wouldn’t want to see you again. Oh fuck, you’re so fucking stupid, you fucking perverted creep...

Arthur let out a laugh, and then a hand flew to his mouth. You stared at him, confused. 

“Uhumm.. was that funny?” you asked, a little hurt that he would think your concern was amusing; and you knew he wasn’t laughing at the soup commercial playing from the radio. 

Arthur shook his head and he laughed again, almost doubling over from it. Now it was an almost continuous stream. 

“Arthur?” you grew concerned once you saw him loop a hand around his throat and a choking noise made its way through the laughter. It was strained, definitely. His eyes showed no joy a normal laugh would produce. He kept shaking his head and he held out an arm to stop you when you made the move to stand up, the other one digging through his pockets. 

The laugh died down to chuckles and Arthur kept trying to clear his throat as he finally pulled out, with shaking hands, a white card. 

“I-I’m sohoaha--- sorry, hehehe...”

He extended his hand to you with the card in it, and you reached across the table and took it.

Forgive my laughter. I have a condition. (more on back)

You looked up at Arthur, mouth agape. But you turned the card over as he had to ride out the last of his laughs. When you finished reading the card, he’d stopped laughing. He looked disgraced, like a kicked puppy; his head hung low, eyes not wanting to meet yours.

“Arthur, I... I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Please. You didn’t do anything.”

“You live with this? Every day?” you couldn’t believe this was a real mental issue and that someone so kind had to experience this on a daily basis. 

Arthur nodded his head in response. 

“Is it painful?”

Arthur looked up at you for the first time since his outburst and he nodded once more. You frowned and looked at the card in your hands. You just noticed it says to return it after reading. He gives this card to people as an excuse for something completely out of his control. The brain injury part of the card also concerned you. It sickened you, thinking of the ways people must treat him out in public if this happened out of nowhere. 

“Are you okay now? Do you need anything?” you stood up anyway, ready to get him something. 

“No,” Arthur said.

You sighed and handed his card back to him. 

“I’m better now. It passes.”

You went into the kitchen and filled a glass with water and brought it back to him. 

“Thank you,” he took the glass from you, his fingers brushing over the back of your hand as he took it. You nodded and sat back down, appetite still there but diminished. Even Arthur kept eating after he drank the water. The two of you were full eventually, and that’s when you started clearing the plates. Arthur stood and helped you put the dishes into the sink. 

“Don’t feel bad for me,” Arthur said when he was right beside you by the sink. 

You looked up at him and said, “Well, I do. I feel bad that you have to live with this horrible... thing! Is there anything I can do? Is there like a procedure I can follow if you have another outburst to kind of lessen it, or...?”

Arthur had never heard someone act so concerned about his condition before this moment. Not even his own mother ever offered to comfort him if he was going through an attack. 

“I don’t think so--- no one’s ever tried,” he answered honestly. 

You felt worse for him and you gently placed a hand on his chest, “I’ll figure something out, then. To help,” and you brushed the material of his vest with your thumb before you took a breath and said, “I’ll be right back,” and you headed off to your bathroom. 

It was medication time, so you opened your medicine cabinet and took the medicine collectively, washing them down with some sink water cupped in your hand. You took an extra three or four minutes to yourself in the bathroom, taking deep breaths and trying to center yourself. Arthur probably didn’t want to talk about his condition and by you bringing it up, it was making him uncomfortable. Don’t be so insensitive. Be playful with him. It seemed he liked it earlier when you were loose and letting him be himself. 

You exited the bathroom and heard running water, so you went back to the kitchen, seeing Arthur busy washing the dishes. What a sweetheart, you almost squealed. Instead you walked as close to him as possible without him noticing you from behind and said, “Did I say you could wash the dishes?”

Arthur jumped and spun around, one sudsy hand splashing some water on your shirt, “Sorry, sorry, I was just trying to help..”

You chuckled and took the plate from his hand and then the sponge from the other, “You did. Thank you so much. Make yourself comfortable in the living room, I’ll be there in a sec,” you flicked your now wet fingers in his direction as retaliation for him getting your sweater wet. He winced when some water hit his face and you laughed softly. 

Arthur smiled and he felt his heart was about to burst. Her cadence was so gentle, so playful, and it made him not want to ever stop looking at her smiling face. 

“You really do have a great laugh,” he complimented, leaning against the counter beside the sink.

“Yes, you’ve told me that,” you blushed, ducking your head so your focus remained on the dishes. 

“It’s true though. It’s one of the most attractive things I’ve ever heard.”

“Aharthur...” you said in a tone of warning, but your blushing cheeks and smile betrayed that sentiment. Fitting for a clown and coincidentally a guy who suffers from a laughing condition to say that he finds laughs attractive. 

“You’re distracting me,” you said softly, grinning when you glanced up at him. 

“Heh,” Arthur smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at a clock on the wall and said, “I’ll go get your TV ready. Murray’s almost on.”

“Sure, I’ll be right there,” you smiled back at Arthur. You let out a breath when he left the kitchen, still smiling goofily. He was certainly getting better at flirting.

You finished the dishes and dried your hands on a dish towel before running over to the couch when you heard the opening theme. You folded your legs under you and got comfy on one side of the couch, Arthur sitting upright at the other. He draped an arm over the back of the couch. 

“You know, if you still don’t like Murray after tonight, I don’t see how we can get along anymore,” Arthur said, clearly making a joke.

You chuckled and prodded his thigh with your socked foot, “We’ll just have to watch the show and see, then, won’t we?”

You both settled in to watch the show, and Murray Franklin came out to a raucous applause from his live audience. Arthur seemed in his own world by this point, you could tell just by looking at him. His eyes sort of glossed over and his smile softened. You heard the audience make its first laugh of the night and you realized you were watching Arthur more than you were watching the show.

The jokes he made were very family friendly. A lot of them relied on puns. Arthur was chuckling happily to himself, and you really didn’t find Murray Franklin’s work very funny. A few times he made you smile, but that was the extent of it. 

Arthur seemed to be knocked out of his reverie and noticed when you wouldn’t laugh at a joke the studio audience went crazy for. 

He started to doubt himself. Well, he was certainly joking before about not getting along with her. But... Murray is a part of who he is. He grew up with him on the television screen being admired and loved by so many people. He was the male voice in the household when there was no other one besides his own. Arthur rifled through his jacket pocket until he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He stuck one in his mouth and looked at you, “May I?”

You looked over and nodded, “Yeah, go ahead. I don’t mind.”

Arthur took his first puff and he visibly tried to relax. You were on him more than on the show at this point. You could tell he was hitting the cigarette in more than a leisurely way. 

The show moved into its interview segment, and you were interested because you knew the first guest on the show.

“Crazy how he films this right here in the city, huh?” you said. 

“Yeah, well, he’s a very down to earth guy,” Arthur contended, “He belongs to the people.”

Interesting way of saying that, for sure. You watched Arthur lean forward and put out his cigarette butt in the ashtray on your coffee table. When he leaned back, his legs both started to visibly shake. Oh god, he was getting anxious again.

“You okay?” you leaned over to his side of the couch and rested a hand on his bouncing thigh. He looked at you so suddenly his hair whipped around.

“You aren’t enjoying yourself...”

“Says who?” you ask, indignantly. 

“Well, you’re not liking the show.”

“Whoho cares?” you smiled at Arthur, adding pressure to your hand on his thigh because it was still bouncing away, “But you like him, and that’s what matters. If you’re enjoying yourself, good. Don’t be so concerned about me.”

Arthur soon stopped his shaking and looked right at you. 

“Look, they’re back from commercial break,” you scooted closer to Arthur and kept your eyes on the screen, “I like the actress he’s interviewing.”

Arthur was still looking at you. His arm that was draped over the back of the couch grew stiff when you nestled into him snugly. 

You chuckled a few times at the quips that were being made between actress and host. 

“I wanted to be an actress when I was younger,” you said, still mostly looking at the television screen.

“You did?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“I grew up,” you grinned, a little sad, “It’s too cutthroat of an environment, and that career path was not that stable. But that’s also partially why I work at a theater. Get it?” you moved your hand back onto Arthur’s thigh, toying with a piece of bunched up fabric, “I hope you have better luck being a comedian than I did trying to be an actress, Arthur. I really do. You have a great comedic idol to look up to,” you pointed at the screen. 

Arthur didn’t want to let it show but every time she touched him, it sent shivers up his spine. Affection wasn’t a much-utilized word in his vocabulary. But here she was, touching him so willingly. 

“I think you would’ve been a great actress. I would’ve watched your films,” Arthur said, his voice coming out softer than usual. 

“You’re sweet,” you smiled and looked up at him. At that moment, the both of you talking, your noses almost touched. You stayed wrapped up in each other’s gaze for a bit longer, and your lips parted. But then you smiled and pulled away slightly. Why’d you do that!?

“Sorry,” you and Arthur both whispered at the same time, making you each smile bashfully. 

You turned back to the television, but you did notice a small tent growing in Arthur’s pants, making you blush hard. You could still feel his eyes on you. 

“And always remember... that’s life!” and the blaring horns of the studio band played, bring you and Arthur back to a reality that you both seemed to have left.

“I like the Murray Franklin show. You converted me,” you smiled at Arthur and stood to switch channels on the television. 

“Oh, good,” Arthur chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. He stood up as well. Well, he might as well use the bathroom while he was up. She probably was going to kick him out soon enough. He turned and went into the next room for the bathroom.

Sirens blared on the outside, also drawing you depressingly back down into the reality that was Gotham City. You had the news on and plopped back down on your couch. 

Arthur relieved himself and washed his hands, looking at himself in the mirror. He felt like being nosy and pulled back the mirror that was also Y/N’s medicine cabinet. He saw the usual things like deodorant, her toothbrush, toothpaste... and then he saw the familiar orange pill bottles. He lifted each of them up, reading what they were. Arthur smiled and sighed from happiness. She got it. She’d understand and wouldn’t ask questions about his antidepressants or his mood suppressers. They even got their prescriptions from the same pharmacy. Arthur put everything back where he found it and left the bathroom.

“It’s getting late,” he said when he saw you sitting on the couch still. 

“Yeah, um, are you gonna be okay going home this late?”

“I’ll be fine,” he smiled at you.

You stood up, “I had a great night, Arthur. Thank you for coming. I want to do this again.”

Arthur smiled, “Me too. I would do this every night if we could.”

You smiled back at him at that sweet comment, “Do you maybe, um, want my phone number?”

“Yeah, sure!” Arthur seemed like he let out a held-in breath when he accepted that offer.

You giggled and walked to the hall where you had a pencil and a pad of paper always, and you wrote your name and your phone number, “This way we can coordinate better. Instead of me, like, coming to your house out of nowhere,” you chuckled.

“If you did that more often, it would be a relief, trust me,” Arthur smiled at you and took the note. 

Your cheeks flushed for what felt like the millionth time that night and you smiled, “Well, goodnight. I do want to see you soon.”

“I do, too,” Arthur said in return.

And you were both at the front door and left it at that. You shared smiles and you reached across Arthur, opening the door for him. He left, still turning to look back at you, which made you chuckle. 

When you were alone in your apartment again, you took a few quick breaths and couldn’t stop smiling. You liked him. Really liked him. And he seemed to really like you! You changed into your pajamas and flopped into your bed. 

“Hey, Y/N!”

Hearing such a distant shout and hearing your name made you jump from your bed and go to the open window by your bedside. You wrenched it open more and stuck your head out. Down five stories below was Arthur, red nose on, and waving.

You laughed and waved back.

He did a little jig and spun around a few times before skipping down the street. You laughed some more, watching him go. He was nuts! But maybe that’s why you liked him. You would mark this first date down as successful, in your books. 

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

“Looks like you’re having some trouble there, can I help?” + Best friend- Lovers AU for reddie???

Prompt taken from this list that I created!

12. “Looks like you’re having some trouble there, can I help?”

8. Best friend- Lovers AU for reddie???

AO3

* * * * *

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Eddie groaned and slammed the hood of his car down harshly, wincing at his resounding bang. He was so sure that he had managed to fix the car up, but of course it had to break down when he was only a few miles away from home. Next time he’d be taking it to a damn garage.

The sky above him grumbled and Eddie swore once more as a few drops of rain landed on his shoulder. Quickly he made a beeline for the passenger side and slipped in before the heavens opened the rain began hammering off of the car as well as the ground around him.

“Today really is my lucky day isn’t it?” He hissed to himself, leaning back in the seat and closing his eyes. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, at least not until the rain stopped so he made himself comfortable and ran over the days events in his head once more.

He had traveled a few towns over from Derry for a job interview at a magazine. The interview had gone rather well, at least Eddie had thought so, until the interviewers had brought up a phone call they had received from his mother prior to the interview. Apparently, she had told them Eddie wasn’t suitable for the job as the hour would intercede with him helping her as he, according to her, was her full time carer.

That statement alone was the last straw, and Eddie decided as he stormed out of the building and back to his car, that he was going to move out of the house, and probably Derry as soon as he could. In all honesty, he would have been gone years ago if it wasn’t for one soul reason. Or person for that matter. His best friend, Richie.

Richie, the one person who had been by his side since they were little kids. Richie, the smartest, bravest, most amazing person Eddie knew. Richie, the person Eddie was completely and hopelessly in love with but too scared to make a move.

He wasn’t entirely sure when his feelings for Richie changed from best friend to…oh my god I want to kiss you on your stupid mouth, but at some point that’s what happened. One minute Eddie was telling Richie to shut up after another failed impersonation, and the next he was giving Richie heart eyes whenever he walked into the room. According to his friends, it was a little sickening.

There had been a few times that the words were on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he had always pushed them away, too scared that Richie wouldn’t feel the same way, even if Stan was insistent that he did.

As senior year flew passed, everyone went off to college, all accept Eddie and Richie. Richie had been accepted into a one year apprenticeship at the radio station a few towns over and Eddie decided to apply for a one year course in literature at Derry Community College. He didn’t want to leave Richie alone in that hellhole, and when Richie asked him why he didn’t run away, Eddie had come up with some bullshit excuse about not being ready.

Yes, Richie was the sole reason he was still living at home, in Derry, with his mother. However, in two days, Richie’s apprenticeship would be up, and Eddie was more than ready to take him by the hand and drag him away, whether that be as best friends or…more was to be decided.

Letting out another groan, Eddie pulled out his phone and dialled Richie’s number, knowing that he was the only person who would be insane enough to come out in this weather and rescue him. The phone only rang twice before Richie’s voice filled the speakers, “Well if it’s isn’t the light of my life. How’d the interview go, Eds” He asked and Eddie could just tell he was laying back in bed, all relaxed.

“Shit,” Eddie sighed, the bitter feeling returning. “My mother called them, told them not to give me the job as I am her full time carer. Full time carer my ass.”

Richie inhaled sharply and then exhaled, “Eds…I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Eddie shook his head, even though he knew Richie couldn’t see him and he closed his eyes once more. “I’m actually glad, because if I had gotten the job then I’d be stuck here. I don’t want to be stuck here Richie.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, until, “Me neither,” Richie whispered. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Eddie laughed and he bit his lip, “You read my mind.” He paused. “Actually, there’s a reason I called. My car broke down just outside of Derry and I’m sitting in a layby. Would you-”

He was cut off by the sound of what was clearly Richie jumping off of his bed. “Don’t you worry Eddie Spaghetti! Help is on the way!”

A giggle escaped Eddie’s lips as Richie hung up the phone, and of course, no less than ten minutes later a familiar red truck was pulling into the driveway in front of him. The rain had somewhat ceased, only a few drips here and there, but Eddie knew it was only a matter of time before it started up again.

Richie got out of his car and sauntered over to the passenger side window, a grin on his face and Eddie knew that there was an impression coming. Deciding to play along, Eddie rolled down the window just as Richie reached him, grinning as he placed his hands on the door. “Looks like you’re having some trouble there, need some help?”

“Well if you’re offering,” Eddie laughed and rolled up the window, slipping out of the passenger side and locking the door. “I had a look, but I can’t seem to find out what’s wrong with it. I’ll just call a mechanic in the morning.”

With a nod, Richie looked inside the car, as though checking that Eddie had collected everything since they were going to leave the car there until morning. “I’m sorry about the job, Eds.”

“It’s really okay, Richie.” Eddie smiled, lacing their fingers together. It was something they had done for years and no-one ever questioned it, not even themselves. “I meant what I said on the phone. I need to get the hell out of here. I can’t take it anymore.”

Richie frowned at that, tilting his head to the side. “Eds…if you’re so ready to leave, why haven’t you already?” He asked. “And don’t give me the whole ‘I wasn’t ready’ crap because it’s clear you are more than ready to flee the nest.”

A flush took over Eddie’s cheeks and he realised that his cover was blown. Not able to come up with a valid excuse, he sighed and looked at Richie with a serious expression on his face. “Did you really believe that’s why I stayed?”

Silence.

Eddie took a step closer to Richie and squeezed their joint hands a little tighter. “Of course I was ready to leave but…but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t.”

“W-why?” Richie stammered and Eddie gave him a pointed look. He bit down on his lip and stared right into Richie’s eyes, pouring his heart out without the use of words.

“Richie…” Eddie whispered eventually and he watched as realisation settled in and Richie’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“Oh…oh Eds…” He breathed and for a moment, Eddie thought that Richie was going to turn him down. Except he didn’t. Richie stepped closer, closing the distance and taking Eddie’s face into his hands, caressing his cheeks. “You- you stayed here for me?”

A laugh, soft and disbelieving left Eddie’s lips and he nodded his head, leaning up on his toes and pressing their foreheads together. “Of course I stayed here for you, Richie. I- I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for years.” As the words left his lips, Eddie felt a heavy drop of rain land on his face as well as the rumble of thunder above him. However, he ignored it, too lost in Richie’s eyes to care.

Their lips were now mere inches from one another, one more move and they would be kissing. One little jolt forward and Eddie would be feeling Richie’s lips on his, lips that he has dreamt about for years. He didn’t want to wait any longer, so he took that final leap, pushing up on his toes and sealing his lips with Richie’s in a first, long awaited, kiss.

Richie didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, moving his hands down to wrap around Eddie’s waist, tugging him closer as the heavens opened once more and the rain came crashing down, soaking them through to the bone. Even though he was now soaking wet, it still wasn’t enough to force Eddie to part from Richie. It actually was Richie that pulled away, laughing loudly over the sound of the rain.

“I love you too, Eds,” He yelled and Eddie grinned back at him, happiness filling him to his very core. “But if we don’t get inside we’ll catch pneumonia.”

Eddie wanted to say he didn’t care, but he actually did and nodded his head, running with Richie back to his truck and climbing inside. They were both still grinning like idiots, happy that they had finally taken that next step with each other after so long. “I love you,” Eddie whispered, biting his lip.

“I love you, Eds.” Richie whispered back, his glasses steaming up with the change in temperature. “Let’s get home and have a shower before we do catch the cold.”

And that’s what they did…but they still caught the cold anyway.

* * * * * 

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-kas @eds-trashmouth @strange-reddie-loser @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @tinyarmedtrex @liliemm @inthebreadbinwrites @lo-v-ers @studpuffin @aizeninlefox @reddie-for-anything @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @hawkinsbabe @mrs-vh

[rhaellatully]

Strings’n’Drums Chapter 8 (Fanfiction)

FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814422/8/Strings-n-Drums

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991202/chapters/52670395

Summury: AU. In 1969, Lucy runs from home and becomes a journalist for the magazin Strings'n'Drums, this will lead the young shy girl in the world of rock music, to meet the colorfull caracters that populates it. In between running from her father and living new experience Lucy will make friends, gorw into an adult and maybe have some romance. Will include Nalu and mentions of other parings

Chapter 1: https://rhaellatully.tumblr.com/post/170156396003/stringsndrums-fanficition

Chapter 7: https://rhaellatully.tumblr.com/post/182871386968/stringsndrums-chapter-7-fanfiction?is_related_post=1

The ferry ride toward the island was peaceful. The sun was warm, Lucy decided to go on the deck and enjoy the sea air. Making her way to the front of the ship, she could clearly see the island ahead. She was much looking forward the festival; she had no idea what it would be like and was excited to find out. She knew they would be several stages, and sometimes two artists would play at the same time on different one. She would have to make hard choices. According to the program Lee Richards and John Fool would be at the same time, she didn’t know which to choose yet.

Seeing as the island kept getting closer and closer, she thought it would be best to go get her things and make sure she would be ready to get off. That’s when she noticed and silhouette hanging on the fence head toward the water. With a closer look, she realised she knew this silhouette.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

He slowly lifted his head and Lucy almost laughed at his face. Long gone was the smiling face and the incredible energies she had seen on stage, Natsu Dragneel clearly couldn’t handle the sea.

“Hey… Lucy” he said weakly.

She smiled at him “Sea sick?”

“Motion sickness” he managed to let out.

“We’re almost there” Lucy offered.

He took himself off the fence and started to stumble across the deck, trying to get to the door. It was a sad sight and Lucy’s guilt quickly over came her. “Do you need any help?” she shouted toward him.

He made a weird sound in response, which she chose to interpret as a yes. She took his arm and putted it across her shoulder. They difficultly made their way to the door, behind which she helped down some stairs, when they reached the corridor a man came to get Natsu. He was one of his technicians and jugging by his face, he had been looking for the musician for long time. As she watched them leave Lucy couldn’t help but wonder if he usually caused that kind of trouble. He seemed like the sort of person who would. Lucy would have never bear to do the same, the mere though of embarrassing someone else made her uncomfortable.

When she was on the dock she heard someone scream “Finally, earth, sweet earth!” and she turned around to find Natsu Dragneel again looking far better than he did on the boat. The sight gave her a smile she kept all the way to the small hotel were she would staying. She would have liked to call Levy, but she didn’t which number to call. And as Levy was in the same situation they could only hope to meet at the festival tomorrow.

Sadly when Lucy made her way there the next day, she caught no sign of her friend. And she couldn’t spend her day looking for her; she was here for work, not just for her own enjoyment. So she went to the first concert on her list, it was at the biggest scene of the festival. There was already a bit of crowed in front, but Lucy managed to make her way through it effortlessly. Still she felt the heat from the sun as well as from the crowed. She was close to the stage, but not too close. She noticed that the technicians were still setting up the equipment.

Waiting for the musicians to get here she looked around her self, this was a band she liked and she was curious to know what kind of people would be listening with her. She noticed a lot of different, from hippies to teddy boys there was a bit of everything. The only thing they all seemed to have in common was to be dress more appropriately for the heat then Lucy was. How great was her shock when she noticed right next to her Cana Alberona. Lucy stared, incapable of assuring herself that this was indeed the famous singer.

Looking at the other woman from head to toe, there was no doubt, the long curly brown hair, the cheeky smile, the single bra as a top, the tight pants, the barefoot, all the signatures of Cana Alberona. And on top of it, she lifted a bottle of bourbon, that, if Lucy believed the rumour, never left her side.

Any good journalist would have jumped on the occasion. Any good journalist would have already introduced herself. Any good journalist would have tried to get an interview later. Any good journalist would have asked her views on the band they were about to see. But Lucy stood frozen. She knew she had to do something, but it didn’t seem to be in her abilities.

“You’re okay sweetie?” asked the husky voice of Cana Alberona.

“I’m…” she managed to started but she couldn’t go any further. She wanted to kill herself.

The singer gave her a smile, “Hey, it’s fine” she reassured her “I’m just a regular junky.”

Lucy snorted.

Cana Alberona noticed the pass hanging from her neck and asked “Journalist?”

“Yeah” answered Lucy as her cheek grew warm.

“Beginner?”

Lucy nodded.

The older woman smiled, “At least you have good taste” she said turning her head to the stage.

The band had yet to arrive, which meant Lucy still had a chance, in a very small voice she said “You like them too?”

Miss Alberona turned toward her again “Yeah” she said “they’re still a bit messy, obviously they haven’t really found themselves yet, but they have a lot of potential”

Lucy’s eyes widen “I though the same!” she exclaimed.

“Then you have the right sense for your job girl” she looked at her close and added “not so much for the weather thought.”

Lucy looked down at herself, more to hide her face than to see what Miss Alberona was talking about. She knew very well what she was talking about. Who in their right wind would be wearing a bellbottom jean and a jacket in this weather?

Lucy had packed light summer dresses but hadn’t dared to put any on this morning. And now on top of being sweaty she was embarrassed in front of Cana Alberona. While she had cowered at the idea of wearing her not so revealing dress, the singer was walking around with only a bra on.

“You don’t have to have to go around half naked if you don’t want to, you know.”

Lucy looked up to Miss Alberona, she had no idea why she was telling her that.

“Look” she continued “I know a lot of women here, me first, won’t bother covering anything up, but there’s nothing wrong with you not being able to do the same. Feminism is freedom and freedom is doing whatever you feel like. So if you feel like covering up, go ahead, it doesn’t make you a coward or less of a feminist.”

A smile came to Lucy’s face, she wanted to thank her, but the music started. The band was finally here and Lucy had more impotent things to do than talk. She enjoyed their show. They were wild but manage to keep their melody clear.  She had such a great time that she only remembered Cana Alberona’s presence at the end of the show. But when she turned to talk to her again she was gone. For a second there Lucy though she might have dreamt their encounter, but even with her wild imagination she didn’t mistook dreams for reality. So it did happened. It simply didn’t mean as much to the singer as it did to her. Which was fine. Which made sense. Why would meeting a debutant journalist mean anything to a great singer?

With her shoulder dropped and her eyes on the floor she started leaving. A sighed escaped her lips as she forced herself to look up and find somewhere she could buy food. Seeing large group of people agglomerating around some small wooden house she guessed that this was what she was looking for. Along many others she made her way toward it.

In the crowed, she noticed a pale emotionless face, a quick second look allowed her to recognise the woman she had interview several month prior. The mere look in her eyes still scared Lucy. Nevertheless, she was an artist, someone Lucy needed to be on good terms with. All she had to do was say a quick hello, no need for an actual conversation.

Gathering all her strength, Lucy looked straight at her and said loud enough, “Miss Locser!”

This coughed the other woman’s attention; she looked in Lucy’s direction and without any changes to her expression said “Hello.” And then without a second glance walked away.

At least it didn’t take too much time. Lucy went back to making her way to the food stand, when she realised that if Juvia Locser was here, then they were good chances that Levy might be as well. Getting closer, she started scanning the crowed for her small friend. Every one around her was so tall; the chances of spotting Levy seemed rather fine.

She made her way through the masses of people, dodging the arms of overexcited people, and stepping away form a longhaired woman who kept trying to offer her fruits. Among this sea of faces she was unable to tell if Levy was anywhere near. When she finally reached her destination, she felt as if the smell of each person in that crowed was still attached to her. It made her uncomfortable. At that moment all she wanted was to take a shower.

She quickly forgot her uneasiness when a voice shouted “Lucy!”

Lucy almost jumped in the air when she saw Levy. She wore a short dress that stopped at the middle of her hip, she didn’t had tight on, and the sighed of her bare legs seemed to attract a lot of eyes. Her arms were covered by long large sleeves thought, and her cleavage barely parted from her neck. They were cute little flowers printed at the edges of her dress that matched the scarf in her hair. She looked incredibly happy.

“It’s been so long.” Said Lucy as she pulled her into a hug.

Levy hugged her back “I’ve missed you! What have you been up too?”

Lucy pulled back “Same old same old, what about you? Have you… managed with Rust?”

“Actually I did” she said with a smile

“That’s great to hear. Gajeel Redfox wasn’t too hard on you?”

Levy bit her lips, but her smile didn’t change, there was a hint of pink on her cheeks, and looked away for second. “Actually about that-“

“Hey Lucy!”

Lucy turned at the sound of name and she came face to face with Natsu Dragneel. He looked much better than he had on the boat. He had a bright smile on his face and was standing straight. Despite the heat he was still wearing his scarf, thankfully it was wrapt around his head and not his neck. The only other piece of clothes he had were a pair of white pair of pants. She didn’t know what had happened to the clothes he had worn on the boat, but with the current heat, she could hardly blame him for taking them off.

“There you go.” he said as he handed Levy some food. This reminded Lucy that she had been looking for food herself.

“I need to go buy some food too.”

“It’s alright” said Levy “We’ll wait for you, right?”

“Yeah, absolutely”

She wet away from them to join the queue. As she waited, she thought about what Levy might have wanted to tell her. It was about Gajeel Redfox and she had seemed embarrassed by it. Had he hurt her? Lucy really hoped that wasn’t the case. If it had been she would have looked angry or sadden. Being embarrassed by this sort of things didn’t sound like Levy at all. It had seemed like she wasn’t sure how to talk about it with Lucy, yet the last he had been mean to her she hadn’t hesitate to tell Lucy. This couldn’t be it, but then what? She have to make sure to ask her as soon as she was back with her and Natsu.

Natsu. She was about to eat with Natsu Dragneel. This felt so odd. He had told her he wanted to be her friend, but up until now they never talked outside of an interview. She had no idea what she going to say to him. What if in that knew setting he found her boring and decided he had no desire to spent time with her after all? What if it destroyed their professional relationship? She would never be able to get an interview with him again. This would be horrible for her career.

She couldn’t mess this up. She had to be on her best behaviour. But what could the best behaviour be with someone like him? Should she try to be friendly, but she could end up coming off as clingy. Should she try her best to look cool, but she had never been cool in her life, she wasn’t even sure if she knew what that meant. The best option seemed to let them lead the conversation, and make little observation here and there. But if she did things that way how would she get answers out of Levy?

She was stressed by the time she got to the front of the line that stuttered through her entire order. As walk back toward where she had left them, she found herself hoping they had forgot about her and left. At least that way she wouldn’t have to worry. But sadly for her, they were still standing there waiting for her.

“There you are” said Levy as she spotted her “ I had to keep him from eating this all time, do you realise how hard this is!”

“Oh… uh… sorry” Lucy managed to answer.

Levy frown and said “Let’s go found somewhere to eat. Natsu lead the way.”

Natsu went ahead of them without hesitation.

“What’s wrong?” Levy asked her in low voice.

“I can’t mess this up, it’ll be horrible for my career.”

Levy smiled “Look Lucy, they are only very few people Natsu actually dislike, and trust me you have none of required personality trait to enter that category.”

“What if he founds me dull?”

“You’re not dull”

This was levy final encouragement, before all three of them sat down on a patch of grass. The moment they touch the ground Natsu dug into his food like his life depended on it. They were bits and pieces scattering on his face and the floor. Lucy did her best to contain her disgust feeling, but she could tell the muscles on her face were moving. But oddly on their own they started shaking and a small laughter escaped her. She stopped and felt very embarrassed.

“Someone’s hungry” she said

Levy gave her a sympathetic look while shaking her head. Did she mean that he ate that way all the time? That couldn’t be.

Lucy started eating her own food, and Levy did the same. For a moment they were just eating in silence and Lucy was thankful for that. But she knew it wouldn’t last long.

“So you’re gonna see Dust Cloud or U-turn?” asked Natsu to Levy

“I don’t know, they both sound great, but I’m not sure which of them is going to give me the most interesting material.” Levy answer.

“It’s not all about the pictures you know” pointed out Natsu, who seemed tired of hearing about pictures

“It is when they pay the rent” grumbled Levy

“Come on! You’re at a music festival! Relax!”

“I like taking pictures!”

Lucy could tell that the tone was rising between them, and made her worry. She didn’t want them to fight, especially not here.

“I think Dust Cloud is very good, and they seem to have a lot of energy so they should be able to give you what you need.” She interjected

It seemed to calm the mood as Natsu added “Yeah this guys have to be on drugs or something”

“Personally, I really like there lyrics. They have a way turning little things of every day life into fantastic songs. I think that’s incredible.”

“I know” said Levy “I red your article that’s what got interested in them.”

“Thanks” said Lucy as a blush made it’s way through her cheeks. This was by far the best complement anyone could give her. To think her writing had gotten someone interested into a band, it made her all warm inside.

“It’s not as good as the one she wrote about you, though” Levy added, smiling to Natsu.

“Really!” He said with a bright smile.

“Out of all the article that have been written on you, hers is by far the best.”

“That’s great!”

“You didn’t red it” the words escaped Lucy mouth before she could think better of it. Of course he hadn’t red it. She couldn’t expect a famous musician to read all the articles about himself. Especially not the one written by novice journalist.

“I don’t read a lot” he said

Somehow that made her sadder, some part of her had hoped that he might like reading too. It was foolish of course, she couldn’t hope that every one she met would love to read. She didn’t even know him so why would it matter.

“You know what I really liked about your article” added Levy “the one about Cloud Dust I mean, it was the part were you said ‘their music and lyrics merge in a way in which you can no longer tell which of the two is creating the strong emotion that each songs creates’”

“Oh my god that’s exactly it!” exclaimed Natsu

The blush that had left her cheeks came back immediately, “I just said what I felt” she explained

“You totally got it. That’s exactly what I thought! I mean no, I’m not that good at putting things into words, that’s why I tell stories in my song. But you got it that’s so great.”

“Thank you” mumbled Lucy shyly.

“I don’t understand why more people don’t listen to them thought” said Levy

“Yeah that’s weird, I mean, “added Natsu before turning toward Lucy “you get how their music works, how can more people don’t get it?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m the one who wrote about them and not many people are interested in what I think” Lucy felt bad the second after that sentence came out. She knew she shouldn't let her self-pity show in front of others. But in her heart, she couldn’t think of any other reason why people weren’t interested into Dust Cloud.

“What makes you think that?” asked Levy

“I’m new, I’m just a nobody who wrights about music, why anyone care about how feel about it”

“I don’t read much, but if that’s how people who read choose their stuff than their pretty stupid, I mean if you do things that way than you always end up listening to the same stuff. Got to get boring at some point.”

Lucy stared at Natsu, that made a lot of sense, she hadn’t though about it that way, but now that she did, she realised that she didn't only read the books of author she already knew, she always tried new ones. It was how she discovered things.

“He’s right” said Levy, and Lucy it was true.

Natsu looked at his wrist watch and exclaimed “Fernandez is going to start soon”

Levy immediately got up “You’re coming?”

“Yeah” said Lucy before following them.

Fernandez was playing on the big scene and the place was packed. Levy had her photograph pass that allowed her a nice place at the front, which was not the case for Natsu and Lucy, who were now staring at the sea of people in front of them. Natsu grabbed her hand.

“Come on” he said as he made his way through the crowed.

He managed to get them just a few feet away from the stage. They were so many people around them that one would have though it impossible to move from there spot. But they had a great view of the stage and the band that was about to start.

Natsu let go for her hand and it suddenly felt very cold. That’s when she realise how warm his hand had been.  Her feet felt cold, the floor had turned muddy from all the excitement of the day. She looked at the crowed around her, they were so many people, and no familiar face. Thankfully she wasn’t here alone. It’s at that moment that she realised she was with Natsu Dragneel, the singer. Somehow it had seemed normal to her to be here with him, as if they were nothing more natural then attending a concert with a famous singer. Lucy didn’t know how she was supposed to feel.

But then the music started, and the emotion it carried took over her. She let every key penetrate her soul and the beat animated her body. In the music she felt at home. It felt right.

Each song came and hit her in the heart. Fernandez on the stage looked like he was in a trance. For a moment, Lucy thought that he wasn’t even able to see the audience, since his eyes, under his hair, had been fixed on one point since the beginning of the concert. She followed then and fell on a patch of red in the crowed.

She looked just in time to see a gorgeous woman with long red hair leave the concert with a sad face. She immediately recognised her. That was Erza Scarlet. The Erza Scarlet. Lucy followed her with her eyes until she disappear toward the back of the crowed.

“What are you looking at?”

Lucy turned back to Natsu and said with a small voice “There was… there was Erza Scarlet”

“I’ll introduce you if you want”

“Really?”

“Of course”

[fiercebb]

On Jaime Lannister’s Complicated Ending

My thoughts on Jaime Lannister’s ending as I try to make sense of what happened and come to terms with it, for whoever is willing to listen anymore. It’s going to be a long one, sorry for that, but I need to get it all out.

It’s been a few hours since I watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones (plus Jaime’s scenes multiple times). I’m sleep deprived, I have a terrible headache, I’ve been working for 8 hours straight, and this is bound to feel like work as well, but I just have to write my thoughts down now to try to make some sense of what happened.

So, I want to start by saying Jaime Lannister is my second favorite Game of Thrones character (second only to Brienne), and it goes without saying I am a Braime shipper as well. But we’ll get to that later. I loved Jaime’s character because he had one of the most spectacular, relatable, hard-worked character developments in the entire show. He went from someone for whom the phrase “The things I do for love” meant doing the most terrible things to someone for whom it meant doing the most honorable ones. We saw him go from a person who would unscrupulously push a little boy out the window to someone who would save a person he’s just met from getting raped for no apparent reason, jump into a bear pit to save that same person, abandon his sister and long-time lover to join said person in the fight for the living, offer said person the one thing they wished for their entire life, protect her at all costs during the battle, and finally have the most wholesome, truthful, and endearing experience with her. And yes, it’s no coincidence that the deeds I’ve listed here all have to do with Brienne. Because you can’t separate Jaime (the Jaime he has become) from Brienne of Tarth. She is the catalyst for the change that turned Jaime into the man and knight he wanted to be. We’ve not only watched him grow, but we’ve also got to learn more about his past deeds and how things are not always what they seem.

Don’t get me wrong. Jaime Lannister was oftentimes a horrible person whose terrible deeds cannot and should not be forgotten. But he was, for the most part, struggling to become a better man. And since we can’t possibly judge Game of Thrones characters simply for committing despicable acts, what is there left for a man if not the possibility of self-betterment? Since about the moment when he first had to say goodbye to Brienne I got invested in his character and felt like he has the potential to change, to set himself free from the Lannister name and burden, and finally be the man he dreamt of being when he was a young boy. Season 8 gave me renewed hope for Jaime’s character. He finally seemed to have realized he has to break his toxic relationship with Cersei for good, he went North even if he knew he was going to meet his worst enemies because he wanted to fight for the living, he reunited with Brienne, he looked at her the way I’ve never seen him look at anyone before (you can fight me on that), he asked to fight under her command, he knighted her, he saved her during battle, he got jealous of Tormund, he made love to her, and he spent a few weeks of bliss (I assume) with her in Winterfell even if he hated the North. It’s impossible to witness this and not have hope that Jaime is finally on the right path. 

That said, I never actually thought he would make it alive out of season 8. I hoped he would, of course, but I was fully prepared for him to die. My problem is not that he died, my problem is with how he died. When he left Brienne I was shocked and heartbroken. I tried to make excuses for him, I was sure he was going to KL to end it all with Cersei. Not necessarily to kill her, but to maybe try to reason with her. I was sure he said all those cruel things to Brienne because he loved her and he didn’t want her following him to certain death.

I still believe some of those things, but not in the same way I used to. Let me say, first of all, that I do believe that Jaime Lannister loved Brienne of Tarth. Not in a platonic way, not in a friendship way, but in a romantic, pure, soulmate kind of way. Yes, I said soulmate, even if we just witnessed Jaime die in Cersei’s arms. I’m getting there, hold on. So, I do believe he loved her, I do believe he intended to stay with her, I do believe he tried with all his being to forge a new life with her away from Cersei and her pull. God knows Brienne was good for him. She brought the best in him and you could see it in his eyes when he saw the way she looked at him that he was shocked to see anyone could possibly look at him that way. And that’s because I think he never thought he deserved it. While part of what he said to Brienne might have been because he didn’t want her following him (maybe, idk), I do think he actually believed most of what he said. The ghosts of his past were too loud for him to ignore. As much as he tried (and I really think he did), he couldn’t shake the thought that he is not worthy of Brienne’s love. But that’s not the only reason why he left.

He also left because he loves Cersei. Hear me out, I know as a Braime shipper this is hard to shallow, but I promise I’ll explain in a minute. First, I want to talk a little bit about Brienne, what my thoughts are on that last scene between them, and what my hopes are for her - given that she’s my favorite character. It hurt a lot to see her cry, I’m not going to lie. But I’ve given this a lot of thought, and after watching the scene repeatedly and reading interviews with Gwen (who will always do the right thing by Brienne), I reached the conclusion that the reason she was crying is not because she thought Jaime doesn’t love her and she’s leaving her for another woman, but because her heart was breaking knowing she’ll never see him again. She knew how strong him and Cersei’s bond was, she knew he was fighting a lot of demons, and she knew he was extremely damaged (if anyone knew that, Brienne was that person). And I agree with Gwen, I don’t think she expected him to stay with her forever. I think on some level, she always expected him to leave at some point. Of course, she didn’t want him to go. Of course, she did love him as much as he loved her, of that I have no doubt. But if there’s anyone who can understand his reasons for leaving, she is, because she knows him better than anyone at this point, even better than Cersei. So, in that moment of heartbreak, I think Brienne cries not just for the love she knows she is losing but also for the man she wished could have managed to conquer his demons and for the fact that she knows she will never see him again (and I am crying as I’m writing this, because it hurts). And I also choose to believe that she doesn’t regret spending those few weeks with him as they did. I really don’t think she does. It was her choice as much as it was his, and she was aware from the very beginning things might not last. Yet it was a beautiful conclusion to a beautiful hate-turned-friendship-turned-romance connection that they will both cherish forever. The goodbye wasn’t easy for either of them and you can see that. Even if Jaime didn’t cry, you could see the distress on his face, you could see his heart was torn, that he didn’t want to make her suffer, but that he knew that’s what he had to do. All in all, I hope that my girl Brienne doesn’t regret any second that he spent loving and caring for Jaime Lannister, as I’m sure he doesn’t either. Even if we don’t get to hear anything about their relationship in the final episode (and I don’t think we will), I hope she won’t live the rest of her life regretting this and thinking Jaime didn’t love her because that would be too heartbreaking to bear, and completely not true.

To go back to Jaime’s love for Cersei, first of all, it was clear for me from the very beginning that the love will never not be there. It can’t not be there. They’re twins, they’ve been in each other’s lives since the day they were born, they were lovers, they were at times the only thing they had, they did great things together and they did horrible things together. That kind of connection, as toxic as it may be, doesn’t just end because you want it to (and I do think Jaime wanted and hoped that it would). Their relationship was toxic, it’s true, especially from Cersei’s side. I’m not saying he doesn’t share the blame, I’m just saying out of the two of them, you can tell Jaime is the one who loved more. He was always by her side and would have done anything for her, as he so aptly put it to Brienne. Until he didn’t. Until he decided to leave her and go North to join Brienne. The thing is, in my opinion, that was the moment when any semblance of a romantic relationship disappeared between the two of them. If I remember correctly, Nik also said that when Jaime says “I don’t believe you” to her when she wants to have him killed, he read it as “I don’t love you anymore,” and so did I. But not “I don’t love you” at all, just not in the romantic sense. He left in that moment and didn’t look back, and his actions and expressions make me think he didn’t look back while he was at Winterfell with Brienne either. He truly was happy with her and fell in love with her, finally free to accept his feelings and act on them. And that also brings me to the fact that they made love. Jaime Lannister would have never ever in a million years made love 1. with a woman he wasn’t in love with 2. with another woman if he was still in love with Cersei. So I fully believe he didn’t harbor any romantic feelings for Cersei anymore.

That said, he still loved her. And for that, I will never judge him. Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted him to go back to the person who caused him the most harm in this world, and of course, it is messed up and toxic, but this is something that often happens in toxic relationships and I can’t blame nor judge him. People do go back, people are so attached and addicted to that person that they feel like they have to go back. And it’s not just that. I agree that there is some sort of addiction happening here, but it’s also just love. He loves his sister. She is part of his family and always will be. And we know how important family is for Jaime Lannister. So it’s only natural that he wanted to be next to her. Again, I’m not sure he knew exactly what he was going to do once her got there, but he knew he needed to be there, at least to see her for one last time. And maybe yes, some part of him also wanted to die, to just end it all. If he knew she couldn’t escape death, he might have thought that if she is to die for all the sins she committed, he has to die with her as well for the part he played in her rise to power and for his own sins that he never forgave himself for. I remember Olenna telling him he will end up regretting the part he played in her rise to power and I think he did reach that point. I think he reached that point when he left her at the end of season 7 and I think he struggled all throughout season 8 with the knowledge that he helped put her there and he has to pay the price as well.

I want to also look a bit at their final moments together. As much as I didn’t want this to happen, I have to admit I didn’t have a problem with the scene itself. Hear me out. First of all, I think if confirms what I said earlier about their relationship no longer being a romantic one. Maybe I see what I want to see, but what I saw between them was two siblings who despite it all care about each other and know they’re about to die, trying to comfort each other in their last moments. I mean, mostly Jaime, because Cersei, even as she was dying, she was mostly thinking about herself (and the baby), but I don’t want to go into that because my focus here is Jaime. Jaime held her, he comforted her, and he died with her, but he didn’t say “I love you” nor did he kiss her. Now, you’d think if two people who love each other romantically know they’re about to die, they would at least say “I love you” or kiss for the last time. But he didn’t do that, and neither did she, and I think that’s because she knew. She also knew that that part of their relationship was long gone. In that moment they were just brother and sister, two people who still love each other but who caused each other too much harm to ever have a happy ending. Of course, I would have liked Cersei to know that Jaime has found love again in Brienne (maybe she did), if only to show her that even if she damaged him irreparably, another woman could love him and give him what he deserves. But of course we didn’t get that because of D&D (and I’ll get to that in a moment as well). Bottom line is I didn’t dislike their final scene. What I disliked, of course, is that Jaime couldn’t break free from his demons and Cersei’s influence and that he had to die with her. I would have wanted to see him start a happy life with Brienne, be the father he never managed to be (I know he would have been a great one), and learn how it feels to love purely and be loved in return. But as I said in the beginning, I didn’t have much hope for that to happen. I would have even been okay with this ending if it weren’t for the circumstances.

Yes, the circumstances. That being D&D’s laughable writing choices. Jaime’s story, the way it ended now, with the context we have now (just from the TV show) MAKES NO SENSE. I’m sorry but it doesn’t. All of his actions up until the very end of episode 4 pointed to him being on a path to recovery, on a path to becoming the man I know he could have been, on a path to loving again and being truly happy and free for once in his life. To go from that to total character annihilation is just plain stupid. There just wasn’t enough time to build up this sudden departure from his character. If we would have gotten more scenes, more indication that that was about to happen, more of an explanation of why, then I might have been more okay with his ending. Because as I said, in the end, I don’t have a problem with how it all ended, as much as it breaks my heart because I love him so much.

If we would have at least gotten an explanation inserted in his goodbye scene with Brienne, or a mention of Brienne to Tyrion, or some sort of insight into his mind and his motivations, it wouldn’t have been complete character annihilation. But as they’re trying to portray it now, that he just left Brienne because he realized he loves Cersei and he never even mentioned Brienne at all before dying, it doesn’t make any narrative sense, and I think anyone, not just Jaime fans and Braime shippers, can see that. 

But now I also kind of understand why Nik said he was happy with the ending. I think we all wanted to believe that meant he survived and staid with Brienne considering how much of a Braime fan Nik is. But thinking about it now, with everybody wondering how he could lie that way, I don’t think he was lying. Of course, he also kind of had to say he at least liked the ending a little bit, but I also genuinely think he liked some of it, because he says it made sense, and in some twisted way it does. He also said that there wasn’t enough time because they had to fit everything in just a couple of episodes and that this change in Jaime’s character threw him off as well and that he needed to take a second to accept that, and I completely agree and see his point. The problem was that everything was rushed and it didn’t make narrative sense. But if in a perfect world, we would’ve gotten more of an explanation and a cohesive narrative, I can see how he’d be okay with Jaime’s ending. Maybe he thinks, the same way Jaime does, that this was the best way in which he could redeem himself. Maybe he thinks Jaime could have never moved past his demons and live a happy life with Brienne, and it would have killed him to put her through that as well. Maybe he thinks Jaime would have never forgiven himself if he weren’t there when Cersei died, and that would have also affected his relationship with Brienne. All in all, I think both Jaime the character and Nikolaj the man didn’t think Jaime could be saved, I think they thought Brienne doesn’t deserve to be put through this, and I think they thought the world would be a better place without Jaime Lannister. I disagree. I think if there was any character in this show that deserved a second chance that was Jaime Lannister. I think that he was worthy of being saved, worthy of being loved, worthy of being shown there is more to life that what he experienced in the past, and I think Brienne was ready to give that to him. But in the end, it was his decision. It hurts that it had to end this way, but it was his decision.

And don’t get me wrong, I love a tragic love story. The more tragic it is the better. I love unrequited love, suffering, heartbreak. It’s usually what draws me to a story. And that’s why I would have been okay with it all if it weren’t for the poor choice of narrative that just doesn’t allow me to truly believe this is how the Jaime Lannister we’ve seen in season 8 deserved and wanted to end. Ultimately, of course, I have no say in this, but I’m working on accepting what happened.

I know some people still have hope that maybe Jaime isn’t really dead, and I don’t want to make people lose hope, because I know I’ve held onto mine for as long as I could, but I know Jaime’s story is over and I need to accept that now so I can heal.

I also don’t want people to hate on Jaime. I’ve seen so many posts hating on him and calling him a fuckboy and whatnot. I know most of us are not actually angry at Jaime but at the writers who turned him into a different Jaime than the one we all knew and loved, but for the people who really feel like they hate him now, I hope this post (if you’ve read it through) helps alleviate some of that hate. He doesn’t deserve hate. He was a flawed, at times despicable character, but he was also a good man, an honorable knight, a person haunted by his demons who fought them as much and for as long as he could until they overpowered him. He is the person who loved Brienne of Tarth the most (I know he is), who gave her everything she wanted and who shared a couple of weeks of happiness with her before it all ended. He is someone who has been abused, used, mistreated, and often threatened by a person he loved for most of his life, he is a person who did terrible, terrible things, but also a person who did good things for the right reasons. He is a complicated man and I have to think Nikolaj for being the best Jaime Lannister I could have ever imagined. He will never be perfect, far from it, but he will always be one of my favorite characters. I wished for his story to have a good ending until the last moment (crying again as I’m writing this) and I don’t regret it one bit. I don’t regret investing time and energy and tears into loving him and hoping he would become the man he might have managed to become if the circumstances were different.

I am not okay with Jaime Lannister dying. I don’t think I’m going to be okay with it for a long time, but I know some day I will make my peace with that. I’ve cried writing this but I feel much better now, much more at peace. This is so unbelievably long I doubt anyone will read it through, but if you’ve reached this point, feel free to leave me a comment or a PM if you are also mourning Jaime Lannister and need someone to talk to.

And before I go, I wanted to thank the Braime community once again for making all of it more bearable. I know a lot of you are in pain right now and you can’t believe it but it will get better. And for me, Jaime Lannister will always be one of the greatest.

[jade4813]

A Lie, Told Often Enough, Chapter 8

Author Notes: Inspired by @fallinginloveinaflash‘s AU prompt. All credit for the idea goes entirely to her.

Title: A Lie, Told Often Enough

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Iris just landed her dream job at a PR firm and her first assignment is reforming the bad boy image of celebrity artist Barry Allen. He’s overly cocky and well-known for being a playboy, but Iris has never met a challenge she couldn’t handle.

Chapters: 8/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

It was foolish. Reckless. Almost certainly a mistake. But Iris didn’t care. She gasped when Barry crushed her against him, his lips capturing hers once more as his tongue thrust into her mouth. She moaned when he slid a finger inside her, continuing his steady strokes. With what little presence of mind she had left, she panted, “In-inside.”

Barry made a soft sound deep in his throat and turned, carrying her easily in his arms as he kicked the door shut. She pushed against him, regaining her feet as she fumbled with the lock. Then she nodded, her arms still around him, when he breathed, “Bedroom?”

Their movements were clumsy, awkward, unable to keep their hands off each other as they stumbled away from the door. They only made it a few steps before they went down, tripping over each other’s feet. Iris landed on top of Barry, too impatient to suggest they try again.

With desperate hands, they tore at each other’s clothing. Iris heard more than one seam pop as she ripped his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. She let out a breathless laugh when her own shirt got tangled and caught, and she didn’t even care when she heard something tear when he tore it off her.

“Please,” she breathed, fumbling with the fastening of his pants. She wasn’t looking for tenderness any more than she expected forever. Too impatient to have him inside her to bother with removing the rest of their clothes, Iris reached into his pants and pulled out his cock, stroking his length as he shoved the line of her panties aside and thrust three fingers inside her.

“So impatient, Princess,” he chided her when she squirmed against him, throwing her head back with a loud moan when he swirled his thumb around her clit, making her groan with his teasing.

Iris shook her head and let out a loud sigh as she lowered herself onto him, taking him deep inside her. “I’m not your Princess,” she retorted as she rocked against him.

Barry’s laugh was strained when he wrapped his hand behind her neck and yanked her down for another kiss. “Wanna bet?”

She would have argued the point, but then he moved against her, thrusting his hips into hers as his hand drifted from her neck down to her chest. He cupped her breast, thumbing her nipple, his other hand moving between her legs to stroke her clit as he continued to thrust inside her.

Her fingers digging into his shoulders, she threw her head back and bucked against him. She didn’t want his tenderness. She didn’t want to fall into the trap of pretending this was anything more than hormones and lust. She would give him her body, she would take his, and that would be all. Or so she promised herself. “Harder,” she growled against his mouth. “Fuck me harder.”

Pulling away from his kiss she closed her eyes and gave in to the feeling of his cock thrusting inside her, his fingers teasing her clit. “Come for me, Princess.” she heard him say, and she would have protested the nickname again, but she was too lost in his touch to care.

“Harder!” she demanded. Giving in to her demands, he grabbed her, his fingers digging hard into her hips. He guided her pace, thrusting into her again and again hard enough to make her gasp with pleasure.

“Barry, yes,” she breathed as she rode him. “Yes!” Her shout was exultant as she came, her entire body shuddering with pleasure. She felt him stiffen beneath her as he poured himself into her. This time, she gave in, collapsing against him when he yanked her down to him for a kiss.

A few minutes later, Iris felt Barry’s chuckle rumble through his chest and raised her head to throw him a curious look. “This wasn’t…exactly what I had planned when I came over tonight,” he explained.

Lifting her eyebrows, she asked lightly, “Oh? And what did you have planned?”

His smile was a little sheepish when he explained, “I was going to apologize for my attitude today.”

She threw him a self-satisfied grin. “In that case…apology accepted.” She was about to tease him further when she realized they were still lying in the middle of her living room floor. “Ah…maybe we should move to the bedroom?”

He nodded, getting to his feet and sweeping her into his arms. “I can walk, you know,” she pointed out, even as she linked her arms around his neck.

“After what happened the last time we tried it, this seemed safer.” She stifled her laugh against his chest as he carried her into the bedroom, placing her gently on the bed. She lay still, bathed in the moonlight spilling through the nearby window, as Barry hooked his thumbs under the line of her panties and pulled them down her legs. “God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed.

Pausing only long enough to throw off the rest of his clothing, Barry climbed into bed and pulled her back against him. Propping his head on one arm, he ducked to press a kiss against the curve of her neck as his free hand drifted down her body, cupping her breast.

Iris sucked in a deep breath and pressed back against him, smiling when she felt him grow hard against her. She tried to turn in his arms, but he grabbed her hip and held her in place. “Not this time.”

He teased her with his fingers, running them down her body like he was trying to memorize her. She felt him smile against her neck at her every shudder, her every gasp. He ran his tongue against the curve of her ear as he gently lifted one leg, hooking it over his.

She froze, grabbing his wrist before he could lift his hand off her leg. “Wait,” she blurted, inexplicably scared. She could handle another good, hard fuck. She understood the rules. But his tenderness frightened her in ways she didn’t know how to put into words. She didn’t want to fall into the same trap so many others reportedly had before. She didn’t want to believe it meant something more.

“It’s okay,” he whispered into her ear. “I won’t hurt you.”

She felt her heart skip a beat, scared for a second that he’d read her mind. But when his hand stroked her hip gently, she relaxed against him, realizing he had misinterpreted her fear.

“I’m not afraid,” she lied, moaning when he slid inside her from behind.

“That’s it, baby. That’s it,” he breathed as she tensed, his gentle strokes and steady thrusts bringing her closer to orgasm. Her breath was a sob when she came, shuddering in his arms.

As Iris drifted off to sleep, her body spent, she felt the moment he lifted his weight off the mattress. When she awoke the next morning, she was unsurprised (and, in truth, a little relieved) to find him gone.

Barry yawned as he climbed out of bed the next morning. He had slept well, if not long, his dreams filled with memories of the night before. When he stumbled out of the bedroom, he found Harry in his kitchen, waiting for him. He grunted a greeting as he accepted the cup of coffee offered to him, not bothering to even attempt to speak until he’d drunk half of it.

“You’re here early,” he finally managed.

“Well, we were supposed to meet this morning to talk about the new album,” Harry pointed out.

“Oh. Right.” Barry had forgotten. “You hear the new demo I sent over?”

Harry nodded and took a seat nearby. “I did. It has potential, but I don’t think it’s quite there yet, and we’re running out of time. This album should have been finished a month ago.”

With a huff, he grumbled into his coffee, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Look, I know you didn’t like the way the album was originally going. And I agree these new songs are better. You’ve put more passion in them. But are you sure there’s nothing you can salvage?”

“No. They’re done. It’s the same old stuff I’ve done, over and over. This album…it’s going to be something new.”

Harry sighed. “All right. Well, we’re still down several songs. I don’t suppose you have any brilliant i-” Before he could continue, a knock on the door interrupted them. With a sigh, he got to his feet. “I’ll get it.”

Barry was taking another sip of coffee when Iris walked in, Harry trailing behind. “Hey!” she greeted him brightly. “I hope I didn’t come at a bad time. We need to talk about your interview tomorrow.”

He watched her silently, marveling that she could appear so calm when his heart was pounding. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think he’d dreamt the night before. Oblivious, Harry rushed to fill the silence between them. “You’ll have to excuse Barry. He just woke up, and he’s not usually very coherent until he gets a little more coffee in him.”

“Yeah. I had a late night,” he mumbled into his coffee cup, gratified to see Iris blush slightly and look away. So she wasn’t as calm as she appeared. Hiding his smile behind his mug, he lied, “Working on the album.”

“Oh? And how’s it going?” she asked politely.

He shrugged. “I’ll let you know.”

When he didn’t say more, she rolled her eyes at him and dropped the subject. “All right, well, as I said, we need to talk about the interview tomorrow. I’ve asked Linda to go with you, to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

“Wait, you’re not going?” Barry blurted. “Why not?”

It was Harry who answered. “Because this is the kind of thing people would expect you to take a publicist to. Not a girlfriend. If Iris goes with you, it might raise questions.”

“Exactly,” she replied. “But you don’t have to worry. Linda’s done this kind of thing a million times. She knows what she’s doing.” When he simply scowled into his coffee in response, she smiled brightly and asked, “Should we go over some questions?”

“So, Barry. I understand you’re working on a new album. What can you tell us about it?” the interviewer (whose name he had already forgotten) asked with a wide smile as she leaned towards him in a conspiratorial fashion.

Leaning back in his chair, Barry tried to appear personable and approachable as he replied, “Yeah, it’s coming along really well. My team has been trying out some new things with this one, and I think the fans are really going to like it. It’s definitely the most personal album I’ve ever done. There’s a lot of me in this one so, yeah, I just hope the fans embrace the experience.”

Even as the words left his mouth, he wanted to roll his eyes. “Embrace the experience”? What did that even mean? It was these kinds of non-answer answers that made him hate doing interviews.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to treat us to a preview of one of the songs?” she asked.

He forced a chuckle. “I’m afraid not, but stay tuned. Maybe I’ll come back when the album is about to drop and give you a preview.”

She smiled. “I’ll hold you to that. Now, as you know, there’s been a lot of talk in the press lately about your love life…”

He shot Linda a quick glance as the interviewer trailed off. Standing off-camera, she gave him an encouraging nod, and he laughed and joked, “Has there? I hadn’t noticed.”

The interviewer dutifully laughed in response. “Well, everyone has been talking about some very steamy pictures that were taken lately with you and your girlfriend, Rose –”

“Iris,” he corrected her, recognizing it was a trap even as he stepped into it. By forcing him to correct her, she’d put him in a position where he couldn’t pretend not to know what she was talking about. It also put him in a slightly more uncomfortable position if he had intended to avoid talking about her at all.

“Oh, right. I apologize. Iris. But I was wondering how you would respond to Patty’s recent allegations regarding your relationship.”

He had spoken with Iris the day before about how to respond to questions about their relationship – soundbites that would provide just enough information to not seem evasive while appearing determined to respect their privacy. He wasn’t prepared for questions about Patty, and so he frowned, shaking his head slightly. “My – wait, what?”

The interviewer’s smile widened as though she smelled blood and was prepared to pounce. “Patty Spivot? I got the chance to speak with her yesterday about her recent controversy. The interview will be aired tonight, but I wanted to get your thoughts on her comments regarding your relationship. She said she regretted that so many people were hurt by her actions and specifically named you. According to her, the two of you were dating, and she ran because she was scared of how serious things were growing between the two of you.”

Barry just stared at her in silence, unable to believe what he was hearing. He didn’t even begin to know how to respond.

Undeterred by his silence, the interviewer prompted, “She implied that your relationship with Iris is just for show, and you’re using her as a consolation prize because you were heartbroken by what happened with her. I was wondering if you have a response to that?”

Barry let out a surprised laugh, unable to help himself. Off-camera, he saw Linda gesture in an attempt to get his attention, but he ignored her. “How would I respond to that?” he demanded, his voice wavering between anger and irritation. “I’d say that it’s true Patty and I went on a couple of dates before I started dating Iris. Even after I met her, I was reluctant to drag her into the speculation and innuendo that seems to be inevitable in this industry. Patty is a nice person, but we didn’t click. And anybody who has ever met Iris would know she’s anything but a consolation prize.”

Standing, Barry ripped off his microphone. “And this interview is over,” he said curtly as he threw the mic onto the chair and stormed past the staff, who all watched him with wide eyes. “Let’s go,” he told Linda as he headed for the door.

“Ah, Barry –” she attempted, but he shook his head.

“No. We’re done here,” he snapped as he stormed out the exit.

He didn’t speak again until they were safely in the car, heading back to his apartment. Then, feeling her eyes on him, he sighed and glanced her way. “What? Are you going to try to tell me that I was supposed to sit there and listen to her talk about Iris that way?”

Linda shrugged. “No. But your response could have been handled with a little more…finesse,” she replied. He pulled a face and shrugged in return. Finesse had never been his primary concern. After a long moment, Linda asked, “So. How long have you been in love with Iris?”

That got his attention. With a soft choking sound, Barry protested, “Wait, what? Because I – look, anybody would have reacted – I was just acting!”

She met his eyes unflinchingly as she replied in a firm voice, “Really? Because I don’t think that was acting.”

“What do you know?” he grumbled, turning to look out the window again.

He heard a soft sound next to him, and then Linda said, “Okay, it’s none of my business. Just…be careful, okay?”

“Why? You think I’m going to hurt her?”

“I think she doesn’t think she would let you,” she replied. “She knew every detail about every relationship you’ve supposedly had even before the two of you met. I guarantee you’re the last person she thinks she’d let into her heart. But I also think that means one of you is kidding yourself, and somebody is going to get hurt.”

Barry appreciated her honesty, even if he was stung by her words. “So you’re just looking out for me?” he asked with a reluctant smile.

She chuckled. “Eh. To be honest, if one of you is going to be hurt, I’d prefer it was you. She is my friend, after all. But that’s not exactly ideal.”

Settling back against his seat, Barry lapsed into silence as he thought about her words. Because while he didn’t want to believe he was the last person in the world Iris would ever let herself love, he was afraid it was probably true. But where did that leave him, when he was afraid he might already be losing his heart to her?

It was after one, and Barry was still at his recording studio, working on his newest song. He was testing out a new chord when he heard the door open. Looking up, part of him acknowledged his lack of surprise when he saw Iris walk through the door. She was wearing a long trenchcoat, her hands thrust into her pockets.

“Hey,” she greeted him with a soft smile. “Is this a bad time?”

His hand stilling on his guitar, Barry shook his head. “No,” he admitted.

“I thought we should talk about the interview, so I went by your place. When I didn’t find you there, I figured I might find you here.”

“So you want to talk about the interview?” he asked, putting his guitar aside. Then, straightening, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and ran a hand through his hair self-consciously.

She shook her head. “No. But it sounded like a reasonable excuse. You’re not expecting anyone are you?” He shook his head. Smiling, she walked forward to look at the sheet music he had been working on. “Alone Next to You? Sounds interesting. This is the song you’re having trouble with?”

He shrugged. “Harry says I’m not hitting the right tone yet.”

Iris was silent as she skimmed the lyrics. “Never lonelier than when I’m next to you / Never more alone than when I’m by your side?”

He grimaced. “The lyrics are a work in progress.”

“I think I know the problem. This is a song of longing. It’s about wanting something you can’t have.” Shooting him a look out of the corner of her eye, he watched as the corners of her mouth curved up in a small smile. “And I’m willing to bet there’s nothing you’ve ever really wanted that you couldn’t have before.”

His bark of laughter was completely without mirth. “You might be surprised.”

“Well, maybe I can help,” she murmured, shrugging out of her trenchcoat. Barry almost choked when he saw that she was wearing a skimpy black negligée with a pair of thong panties underneath. Bending, she scooped up his guitar and handed it to him. “Play it for me.”

“What?” he asked dumbly. He had grown hard at the very sight of her. She was so breathtaking that, in that moment, he couldn’t have played a single chord. She simply put her hands on her hips and waited, until he finally managed to pull his attention back to his music. “Oh. Uh, right.”

With a force of effort, he forced his attention back on his sheet music. It took a minute to remember how to play the guitar, and then he strummed the first chord.

As soon as he started to play, Iris shifted around him and lowered herself onto her knees. His breath left him in a hiss when she unzipped his pants and pulled out his erection. Wrapping her hand around his shaft, she started to stroke him with slow, firm strokes.

“Well? You aren’t playing,” she pointed out, looking up at him with a devilish smile.

Barry hadn’t even realized he’d stopped. “I’m not? Oh, um –” Trying to pull his attention from what she was doing with her hand, he forced his attention back on his music. Sweat beaded on his brow, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. Breathing hard, he started to play again. “Never lonelier when I stand…um…when I’m alone with…”

“Those aren’t the lyrics,” Iris murmured. He shot her a glare, but her eyes were all innocence as she leaned forward to run her tongue down his shaft.

“Never more alone when I’m by your – Christ, Iris, like I care about the fucking song,” Barry growled as she took him into her mouth. He moaned when she swept her tongue around the tip of his erection, his hips thrusting towards her. His guitar dropped to the ground when she cupped his balls in her hand, caressing him gently as she increased her suction on his shaft.

Closing his eyes, Barry threw his head back and gave in to the feel of her lips and tongue. Every time he came close to coming, she slowed her ministrations, taking him just to the brink, then bringing him back down again.

“Iris, god…Iris…I need…I need…” But he couldn’t even find the words to tell her what he needed.

Raising her head, she grinned up at him. Her smile was teasing as she murmured, “That’s longing.”

With a growl, Barry bent and lifted her easily. Spinning, he carried her to the stool resting against the wall. Propping her on its edge, he tore off her panties and dropped to his knees. Iris’s laugh broke off when he spread her legs, pressing a warm kiss against her inner thigh.

Her hands speared into his hair, clutching him tightly as he trailed kisses up her thigh. Bracing her hips in his palms, he speared his tongue between her folds, teasing her as she had teased him. His tongue swirled around her clit, and he smiled when her hands formed fists in his hair, her breath coming out in tortured gasps.

“Barry…Barry please,” she moaned when he pressed his tongue against her nub before spearing it in and out in an imitation of what he wanted to do with his cock. “Oh, god, Barry.” Her words were a tortured sob as she tightened her thighs around him.

His desire to keep torturing her warred with his need to be inside her. Muttering a curse, he rose to his feet and grabbed her hips. Lifting her easily, he thrust into her in one smooth stroke. The stool rocked back against the wall as he pounded into her again and again, Iris’s hands clutching at his shirt and hair.

“Barry,” she gasped in his ear. “Don’t stop…” Before she could say anything else, he wrapped his hand around her neck and dragged her mouth to his. He didn’t want to hear her tell him to fuck her. He didn’t want the reminder that this was all it was to her.

He swallowed her scream as she shuddered against him, her walls shuddering around him as she climaxed. With a loud groan, he continued pounding into her as he came, letting his body collapse into her when he was spent.

“Jesus, Barry. What was that?” she asked on a breathless laugh, her touch now gentle as she ran her hand along the back of his neck.

“I think that was longing,” he replied, smiling when his answer made her laugh.

They remained curled in each other’s arms as they tried to catch their breath. This, Barry realized, was his favorite part. After they had driven away their desperation and need, when Iris would relax against him like she belonged in his arms. When her touch would become gentle and, just for a moment, he could pretend it meant something more.

When he could pretend that she wasn’t the woman in his song.

It never lasted long enough. It certainly didn’t this time, as she gasped, her head snapping off his shoulder a second later. “Oh my god. Tell me you weren’t recording!”

Barry laughed and shook his head, but she stood and pulled out of his arms before he could duck his head to capture her lips in a kiss. And once again, even though she was right next to him, his heart ached as he felt her slipping out of his reach.

[phoenixisstrange]

The Best Day Forever Chapter 1 (Edited)

But I am wrong. It begins with me, in a nice suburban house doing my own thing going about my day. I guess I live here? I don't know who I live with or if I live alone but I encounter neighbors and friends (I don't remember specific interactions). I don’t even know how I got this beautiful house OR what town it’s in. It’s like someone created me and my life, peppered in some aspects of my personality and memory and dropped me into it. So I wake up in my? bed. 

I wake up, make myself breakfast, and acquaint myself with my neighborhood. As if I haven’t lived here for quite some time-- judging off of the bills I have sitting on the counter waiting to be paid. I open the front door. It’s a big wooden door with a little window that has decorative iron bars encasing it. Whoever designed this house did a damn nice job. I admire my front door as if I’ve never seen it before. As I step out onto my front porch I am greeted by a symphony of wildlife and a beautiful panorama of the forest. This was an intentional design point of the house. The way the forest sits inside of the frame of my porch is so perfect that it must be deliberate. The facade of my house faces a dense forest but I do have neighbors on either side of my property. 

To the left I see a mother herding her 3 kids into her minivan, well trying at least. One of the kids is running around screaming; wearing only one flip flop on. The other kid has dropped her bookbag on the ground. The third sits strapped into the car quietly. “Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!” the mom corrals her child into the van. 

I chuckle and breathe in the crisp morning air as it mingles with the scent of my piping hot coffee. The house to the right is a bit smaller and nobody seems to be home. After I finish my coffee, I go back inside and look at my schedule. It’s my day off.

I text my girls, Iz and Cree to see what they’re up to. I guess they also live in the area. Whatever the area is. The girls arrive and we set up camp in my warmly-lit living room. A low-budget Netflix horror movie plays in the background as we sip our Rosé.

 “So how’s Carter?” I ask Iz.

 “He’s good, he’s interviewing for a job at a new dealership as a sales manager”

“Good for him, I wish him luck in all his managerial endeavors” I say with a little too much enthusiasm. 

“Phoenix---How’s your love life??” She did it. She asked the dreaded question.

“Heh, funny you should ask… You would probably have an easier time finding a human being on Mars than I would finding a lover. ” Wow, I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve answered that. Me? Jaded? Never. Just realistic. I have too much going on to focus on finding someone right now. That’s what I tell myself at night when the loneliness hits. 

“Unfortunately my lover either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want me.” I add. You can practically see my dignity leaving the room. 

“Sometimes you just gotta ride the wave alone...” Cree-- who appears to be catatonic on the couch-- mutters from beneath a blanket. 

“Facts” Iz and I say in unison.

We finish a bottle of wine and cook some ramen. I never eat Ramen, I can’t stand it. But Iz and Cree love it so I guess that’s why my cabinets are stacked with the stuff. Either that or I am preparing for the inevitable collapse of our organized society. In that case, I know for a fact that I won’t go hungry. There’s so many packets of chicken flavored instant noodles hiding in my cabinets that I could feed a tribe in the post apocalyptic world.

The fragrance of the salty noodles dances with the incense that burns in the living room. The sound of a woman being possessed by the devil blares from the tv speakers.

“Haven’t we watched this movie already?” Iz clearly isn’t into it. “Probably, but all Netflix horror movies are the same. They usually end up as white noise anyway.” 

“I like it.” Cree chimes in

“If Cree thinks it’s a good movie, then obviously it’s a good movie Iz.” Sarcasm. 

“Cree said Suicide Squad was her favorite movie. She cannot be trusted to judge a good movie!” 

“Everyone thought that movie was so bad but y’all just don’t appreciate good art.” Cree stands firmly by her decision.

The movie concludes with the predictable ending where the antagonist--who has succumbed to demonic possession-- is cleansed of evil through a dramatic exorcism. The entire house that the movie is set in is destroyed. This forces the traumatized family to move out of the beautiful home they recently purchased. The movie ends on a cliff-hanger where a new family moves into the very house--which has now been repaired--in hopes to start a life. Boring.

The girls leave at about 11 pm. I take a quick shower and pour myself a glass of seltzer. Nights like this are ideal for stargazing. Not a cloud in the sky and cool enough to have the windows open in the house. Apparently, I missed my mark. I open my door to a rather jarring sight. Expecting the usual chirping of the cicadas and a star speckled sky; I am met with a rising sun. The sky is not an 11 pm sky it’s a 6 am sky. I’m confused and kind of scared. My mind starts to race. How drunk did we get last night? It was just a few glasses of wine not enough to black out the entire fucking night. I text Cree and Iz. No response. I figure they’re sleeping. 

My phone says 5:47 am on Saturday, 7/23. My day off is Saturday, which would be the 23rd. Saturday was yesterday. I turn on the TV to verify the date and News 12 confirms my fear of today’s date, 7/23. The annual family cookout is being held tomorrow at the park. 4 pm sharp, don’t miss it! Did I skip work yesterday? No way, I would’ve gotten a call. My head is spinning at this point and I decide to lay down for a bit.

The sound of the news 12 anchorwoman echoes in my head. “This weekend is going to be a hot one. Anyone planning on traveling west towards the coast should take care to leave a little bit early because of heavy delays along all major highways.” 

I drift in and out of consciousness and finally give up. I’ve watched the sun rise through the skylight that is fixed above the couch. That big ball of fire has climbed straight into the center of the skylight. The big ball of fire is blinding me. The time is 8:30 according to my phone. I barely slept a wink. My mind was too busy trying to figure out if I was going batshit or if I was actually trapped in a temporal loop. I mean, that would be cool because then that would mean that time loops do exist but not cool because of the fact that I would be caught in one by myself. 

My phone buzzes to life with a message from Iz. “What are you talking about? Ladies night didn’t happen hunny.” I’m wigged. 

“Must’ve dreamt it! We need a night soon, hunnies.” I reply. 

“Ok Phoenix… This is the sitch, yesterday was Friday. You accidentally skipped work and today is Saturday. Wine night was just a dream because you have been missing Cree and Iz lately…” I am rambling to myself in the dark. Yes, that will spare my sanity. I drag myself off the couch since sleep isn’t happening. I step outside at around 9. Once again, the forest is roaring with life and so is the mother next door… 

“Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!”…. I need to leave.

I go to the store and begin piling snacks and random food items into my cart. It’s been a while since I’ve been food shopping so this is OK. 

“Ice cream and wine. Check.” I say to myself. Drink myself out of the loop. Yeah, that’ll work. I see this really cute girl staring intently at a box of Gushers. For a second, it’s as if my world isn’t imploding on itself and I’m just at the store looking at a beautiful girl I’d like to know. For some reason, she’s engrossed by these artificially flavored fruit snacks. It looks as if she’s deep in thought, something is on her mind so she is occupying the time with food shopping. She’s about my height; she’s got long and silky chocolate brown hair that’s pulled back into a messy bun. I realize that I’m staring at her with as much focus as she is at those Gushers. She feels my eyes and returns to reality, she glances at me. A subtle smirk spreads across her face as she looks me and my wine bottles up and down.

“The bigger the bottle the bigger the problem huh?” She jokes. 

“No bottle will solve this problem but at least it’ll make me forget about it.”

 She chuckles and walks away. I buy my wine bottles and go home to forget what day it is. 

Listen, I won’t lie, I like to party. I love day drinking. But cracking open a fresh bottle of wine the size of a bowling pin at 10 am by myself after realizing I may never live to see tomorrow is new for me. I can’t say I hate it. I sit on the couch. The News 12 anchor-bitch is still blabbering about the family cookout-- that is supposed to take place tomorrow-- too bad. I drunkenly type away on my laptop. Scouring the darkest corners of the internet to find out anything about time loops that exist outside of science fiction. Turns out, not many people who find themselves in my situation take to Reddit to write about it... I take notes from the Twilight Zone subreddit because at this point I’m desperate for answers. My quest for information bears no fruit. 

I did learn that a time loop is different from a causal loop, which would occur because of a previous event. My situation however, is anomalous and is unrelated to anything as far as I know. I’ve started a fresh note on my laptop titled “The Best Day Forever! :)).” This is where I dump everything I know about the situation. 

So far, I know that this loop resets but I don’t know the interval or the trigger. Things that I interact with seems to stay the same with the exception of people, they don’t remember our interactions. The coffee I made the first go around was still in the pot when I went for coffee round 2. People and things outside of my control reset as if they’re characters in a video game who have a script and a path. I begin thinking, dangerous thinking. 

“Why is this happening? Why to me?” I ask aloud as if someone is going to answer me. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got an answer from some omniscient voice. 

“What is the point of all of this?” I ask out loud again. Then I begin to think of everything I had done leading up to the moment I woke up on the morning of July 23rd the first time. My memory is extremely fogged, almost non-existent. I’m struggling to produce even the vaguest memory of anything that happened before Saturday. Was it raining yesterday? Did I even leave my house yesterday? I don't know. 

Come to think of it I don't remember much of anything before Saturday. I don’t know how I got this house. I don't know who Iz and Cree are except that we’re friends and have wine nights pretty often--though they have been less frequent for some reason. I don’t know Carter…But I do. 

It’s as if these memories were fabricated. I remember the facts. I, Phoenix, own this house in this pacific northwestern town and I am a barista at a local coffee shop. I moved to this town after graduating-- in hopes to pursue my dream of opening my own shop and building a house in the forest. Anything beyond that is smudged. I can make out the memory if I hyper-focus. But even then it’s just the blueprint of a life, details are scarce. I’m spiraling, existential crisis mode has initiated and now I’m just stressed out and drunk at 1 in the afternoon. I need air.

 I step outside and check my phone. The time is exactly 1:27 pm and a blue Subaru drives down my road with a big old husky hanging out the window living his best life. I start down the road towards the forest.

[letterboxd]

Most Picture.

There are many ways to predict how the Oscars will go. How much money is the studio spending on the campaign? How highly rated are the nominated films? How much work have nominees put in during the awards season? Is it simply their time?

For this 2019 horse race, we thought it would be fun to go for a different metric. A fool-proof statistical analysis to find not what is the Best Picture, but what is the Most. And with that, we set about investigating the stats on rewatches of the eight films nominated for Best Picture.

It turns out that plenty in the Letterboxd community have logged the Best Picture nominees more than once, and in some obsessive cases, well into double figures. We had a feeling, based on anecdotal mood and general noise, that A Star Is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody would be right up there in the stanning stakes. And they are (read on for our Q&A with Letterboxd’s most obsessive A Star Is Born fan). But also: The Favourite made the top three, and the film you have rewatched the most left the other seven in the dust.

Without further ado, Letterboxd presents the 2019 “Most” Picture Awards, ranked by the number of members who’ve watched the 2019 Academy Award Best Picture nominees two or more times (total in brackets, as of today).

Each film features a review from its greatest fan, i.e. the Letterboxd member who has logged the film more than any other (at the time of writing).

And the 2019 “Most” Picture Awards go to…

1. Black Panther (13,268)

“Would I see this movie a personal record high of seven times in theaters? For Wakanda? Without question.” —Krys (12 watches, seven in cinemas)

2. A Star Is Born (5,943)

“TIRED: discourse about whether or not the film hates pop music, all think pieces about whether the film thinks Ally is a sell out and what that means for feminism, discourse on whether Why Did You Do That? is a bop or not.

WIRED: discourse about whether or not Jackson Maine even had an ass good enough to inspire such pop perfection.” —Juliette (16 watches)

3. The Favourite (5,378)

“I miss this so much I dreamt it. Instead of riding, Sarah was doing cartwheels.” —CBotty (15 watches)

4. Bohemian Rhapsody (4,928)

“The critics can go fuck themselves. THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE SEEN! (for the fifth time).” —Iain (16 watches)

5. Roma (4,270)

“Yes I’ve seen this twice today, yes i cried like a bitch both times, yes this is the only movie.” —Eve (7 watches)

“My feelings regarding Roma are complicated to say the least. It’s like dating the girl of your dreams, only to realize that you are completely incompatible, which ends in desperate clinginess for an ideal that was never true to begin with. It’s been a strange journey of love, disappointment, and eventual acceptance, where I’ve come to terms with my feelings. I still admire the hell out of it, and I hope it wins all the awards in the world.” —Orrin (7 watches, admittedly more times than they have actually seen it)

6. BlacKkKlansman (3,669)

“This movie is so fucking powerful, and I loved every second of it.” —Kota (6 watches)

7. Green Book (1,370)

“OK what a way to start the new year. I love this movie so much. Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali are for sure going to get nominated (and it’s well deserved).” —Anthony (5 watches)

8. Vice (1,164)

“8.4/10” —Harrison (4 watches)

Unpacking the re-watchability of A Star Is Born.

“I just expect it to be exactly what it is and to be there.”

Of the eight Best Picture finalists, Black Panther has been out the longest, had the largest budget, and has done the rounds of the streaming services. It was always gonna take the top spot in a rewatch match. But to figure out the rewatchability of second-place-getter A Star Is Born, we went to the film’s hardest stanner, Juliette, to help us understand why fans keep coming back even though it’s a complicated watch.

While Juliette’s multiple reviews are meme-tastic, quippy, punctuation-free gems of observation, when we asked her to explain herself, she went remarkably deep. Her replies may just make you want to take another look at Ally and Jack. [Note: this interview contains spoilers for the film’s plot.]

How many times do you think you have seen A Star Is Born? Juliette: I think I have seen the film sixteen times? I know for certain I have seen it fourteen times in theaters, but I’m not sure how many times I’ve watched it in the comfort of my own home since it’s been released on digital. There’s just something about the energy in a theater while this film is being screened. It gives me chills just thinking about it!

What keeps you coming back to it? It's so hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that draws me back to this film time and time again. I love a good love story when properly executed! I’m kind of obsessed with celebrity culture! I love a great musical! And like many people, the subjects of this film: alcoholism, mental illness, suicide, self-doubt, the cultivation of the self, love, mentorship, and reconciliation of one’s experiences with a flawed parental figure are all things that have permeated my life. Some of these things, I understand and have a firm grasp on, they feel definitive and their impacts are a tangible output. Some of these things, I still grapple with daily. There is little definition, largely just confusion and sporadic outbursts of pain.

When I return to this film, which I often do, the thing I don’t expect it to give me is answers. I don’t expect the film to be able to define for me what I must come to define for myself. I don’t expect it to clarify my confusion. I don’t expect it to eradicate the pain. I just expect it to be exactly what it is and to be there.

There’s a scene towards the end of this film where, while mourning the loss of his brother, Bobby explains how he heard one of Jackson’s songs performed at a bar. At first, it angers him. He feels like no one really knew Jackson. But then, something shifts and just hearing the song begins to soothe him. It reminds him that, in spite of their trauma and their turmoil, it isn’t all for nothing.

That’s what this film is for me. It soothes me. It reminds me that the facilitation of our healing can come through art. It reminds me that for people, who once felt broken and irreparable, it is possible to find love and happiness not just with another person, but within one’s self. It reminds me that our pain and our devastation can be met in equal measure with (and even maybe be overcome by) our brilliance, our triumph, and our devotion to one another.

What have you noticed with each rewatch? What I notice most with each subsequent rewatch of the film is what a massive undertaking the sound editing and mixing for this film must have been. I have such deep and profound respect and admiration for all the work that went into crafting the audio for this film! The film is such a visceral experience, one that truly engages all of the senses. I remember physically recoiling in the theater the first time I heard the sound of Jackson’s tinnitus. I remember feeling my entire seat shake in time with the music during the concert sequences.

I also have a sincere recommendation! Once you watch the film a few times, I really encourage you to watch the film just through the lens of watching Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real in the background of the pivotal scenes. It adds so much dimension to scenes you thought you already knew!

What is the single greatest scene in this version of A Star Is Born? As clichéd or “basic” as it may seem to say, there is no denying that the greatest scene in this film is when Ally joins Jackson on stage and the two perform Shallow together. It’s a cataclysmic and mesmerizing moment.

It’s the way Jackson physically steps back and acquiesces his spotlight to new talent. It’s the combination of awe and support in Jackson’s eyes as he watches Ally assume center-stage. It’s the way Ally assumes her place at the mic for the first time. It’s how Ally—all at once terrified, shocked, overwhelmed, empowered, and free—finds a version of herself she had long thought impossible to access under the stage lights. The arc of which is punctuated by Gaga’s impeccable performance in this scene, most noticeably by the shift in her physicality, from her hands covering her eyes, unable to make eye contact, to grabbing the mic and belting her now patented cathartic wail.

It’s the way, two artists—no, two people—are separated physically on the stage singing into their individual microphones, but slowly find their way to meet in the middle and sing as one. In itself, this scene is the film in miniature. If this scene hadn’t worked, it’s very unlikely the rest of the film would have worked.

Not to mention, the scene is just absolutely stunning. Of course, the music is heavenly, that’s a given. In terms of the composition, I love how the camera moves around and captures each protagonist in different ways. And the color palette is gorgeous. The way that blue and red light dance around our protagonists throughout the sequence is just jaw-dropping. It’s the kind of high an artist, and in a turn a viewer, could spend their whole life chasing.

What do you wish haters understood about the film’s greatness? My first priority would be to tell the haters that Lady Gaga is not playing herself in A Star Is Born! Just because Gaga is a singer playing a singer, doesn’t mean she isn’t acting!

Furthermore, to me, it feels unfair that the power of her performance is sometimes diminished just because she sings in the film. Anyone can sing in a way that is technically proficient with enough training, but to tell a story through song? To act a song? To perform with every iota of your being musically? That’s a whole other skill and it is just as worthy of recognition and respect as any other leading performance this year.

Secondly, I would like to convey that just because something is a remake doesn’t mean that it lacks value or that it lacks something to say. I can’t pinpoint what exactly it is about this story that seems to capture the collective imagination every few decades, but I think it has something to do with how it presents ascension at the expense of descent, art as both artifice and freedom of authentic expression, and love in spite of sacrifice and self-destruction. There’s something about that cocktail that becomes the perfect receptacle for the expression and examination of our cultural anxieties.

Its malleable formula allows for questions to be asked about how we think about celebrity and fame, the self-identification process, and the value of art. In that sense, a remake of A Star Is Born is vital and refreshing, and certainly not tired and uninspired, and most importantly, it doesn’t lack something to say. It’s inherently reflective of the culture it was created in by its very nature. It allows us to ponder not just how Hollywood tells stories about itself, but also how we tell stories about ourselves. And if you ask me, there’s so much value in that.

What do you think should win Best Picture at this year’s Oscars? Well, I’m clearly biased towards A Star Is Born, but I would not be mad to see Roma or The Favourite walk off with the evening’s top prize!

What do you think will win Best Picture? My heart says Roma, my head says Green Book.

[yomos-adventures]

my electric forest experience

I say this about a lot of music festivals, but Electric Forest has to be my favorite one so far. It was also one of the most tiring festivals, seeing that it is five days long while camping, but worth every second!

Although I am an EDM fanatic, I do enjoy other genres as well. I had always dreamt about going to this specific festival because it is so diverse. EF was two weekends this year and I made a last minute decision in May that I was just going to go for it! As I was planning on buying two tickets on my own for the second weekend, a good festival friend, Mariana, contacted me. She mentioned that in past festivals she has gone in as media and gotten the chance to interview some of her favorite artists. This year she happened to have an extra media pass and wanted to see if I could help with some interviews and tag along on this journey. It was meant to be! I purchased a ticket for my boyfriend, who I drag to every concert you could possibly think of. (Who else is going to hold my hoop when I get lost in the crowd!) And with that I was ready to go! We decided to make it a road trip starting all the way from Miami since I wanted to test out my “new” car. That was probably not the best idea. Started off great but hardly making it into Georgia the car broke down and all four of us were left stranded. It put us a bit behind schedule but we weren’t going to let that stop us! But that is a story that I’ll save for another day..

This was my second camping event, the first being in Washington at The Gorge for ABGT250 in September 2017. I was ready for any weather. So, forgetting it was still summer, I expected it to be a bit chilly since it was Michigan. Never been of course. It was the opposite. The weather was amazing just like people. It’s almost like it’s a holiday on its own with everyone celebrating from day one giving you high fives and hugs saying “Happy Forest” even at the lowest point of a festival...waiting in line! Everyone made you feel so welcomed and even though it was my first time there, I felt like I was home.

The forest has so much to offer. It’s much more than just music. Whether you want to splash it up at the Gold Rush Water Park near by, get lost in the forest with the breath taking art installations, or participate in a scavenger hunt. The options are never ending! I got to jam out at a silent disco, barter goods at the Trading Post, and even earned Eco points by helping clean up the commonly shared areas. By the way you can redeem those for incredible prizes! Come sit with us under the Roochute and come together as a team and along the way I’m sure you will discover new music and be ready to shuffle the night away.

I was more familiar with the lineup of first weekend but decided to go the second one to explore more. I got to see artist such as The String Cheese Incident, Rüfüs Du Sol, Get Real, Testpilot, and as I am a sucker for trance I could not miss the chance to see Lane 8! I love me some trance! As part of my experience with a media pass, I got to record an interview with Jauz! The first weekend he actually stayed on the camp grounds as he expressed he wanted to fully experience the Electric Forest life just like everyone else. He spoke to us a little bit about a 55 city bus tour that would take place after Electric Forest on which he would be showcasing his record label: Bite This. Similar to Skepsis, I discovered that Jauz is also very influenced by the U.K. and would like to bring some of their musical style back to the states and bridge them together. He was very easy to talk to and I for one can’t wait to see what he has in store for us in the near future.

Mariana is a EF veteran and shared with me some of the things to do in and about the forest. One thing she told me was to not limit myself to a schedule. Let yourself and your mind wander, listen and discover the forest. I am glad to have taken her advice and not rushed anywhere.

The venue itself is as big as the hearts of all its attending fans, so big in fact that I unfortunately had to miss out on riding the hot air balloons and a few other attractions. On the last day, as we were entering the venue, they had to close down for a couple of hours due to a storm that was approaching. Everyone was instructed to go back to the campgrounds to secure their belongings as stages throughout the venue were doing the same. The winds were a bit strong and our camp site did get a little bit wet but that did not stop us from having a good time. The skies cleared up soon and everything was back up and working at full swing in a short couple of hours. Once the festival ended, we weren’t ready to pack it in just yet, we headed to the RV camp grounds where we sang and danced well into the morning at the RV after parties.

Electric Forest helped me find a new love for nature. When we would get tired we would just take out our hammocks and lay between the trees and just take everything in and watch the many talented people of the forest. Whether you’re a beginner or the next Vanesa Seco or Brookelynn Bley there is a zero judgment vibe throughout the grounds which makes for a phenomenal lights and sound show featuring you. It’s a festival, I would strongly recommend, that everyone who’s ever been to a rave has to experience at least once and who knows, maybe you’ll find your next favorite artist!

[flightandsurvival]

‘bout him

Crush/Significant Other/Whatever Survey

1: Do they drink coffee? Yes, but he’s a caffeine wimp. He has a few sips of the coffee I make and he’s got jitters lol. 

2: Are they left or right handed? Right.

3: How do they do their hair? Facial hair? (If they have it) He uses product to spike his hair a bit. He doesn’t have facial hair, my baby’s got a baby face. 

4: What’s their favorite animal? He loves cats. 

5: What is their relationship status? He’s in a relationship, with me. 

6: What is their favorite band/singer? Chris Brown. Insert eye roll here. 

7: Are they more a cat or dog person? He’s a fan of both, but he definitely likes cats more. 

8: What does their laugh sound like? He’s got a pretty boisterous laugh. 

9: Do they know multiple languages? Which ones? No. 

10: How old are they? How old are you? He’s 25 (will be 26 in a couple of weeks), I’m 26 (will be 27 next month). 

11: One word that describes them. Caring. 

12: Do they have any pets? He does not personally have pets but his mom’s got dogs back home and his aunts (where he lives here) have a cat. He also likes to act like my cat is his, but she’s very obviously mine. 

13: What is their favorite TV show? He likes the same weird shit as I do. We watch true crime stuff, horror, and thrillers. 

14: What is their favorite movie? Again, it’s the same. Really his genre is horror. 

15: What car do they drive? ‘13 Acura.

16: What ethnicity and/or nationality are they? He’s white and American. 

17: Where did you meet them? At work lol. I interviewed him and supervised him the first month he worked with me. I started things up with him being very firm in my ways that relationships with people at work are a bad idea. He doesn’t work with me anymore, so I guess we’re safe. 

18: What was your first meeting like? It was me asking interview questions and writing down his responses lmao. 

19: What is their zodiac sign? Are your signs compatible? He’s an Aquarius. I’m on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces, are we compatible? No idea. 

20: What month is their birthday? January. 

21: What is your favorite outfit on them? I like when he goes a little more classic and wears a black tee with his khaki joggers. 

22: Are they good texters? Sometimes. 

23: Your favorite feature about their appearance. He’s got pretty eyes. 

24: Your favorite thing about their personality. He is very upfront about who he is and what he’s offering. We have always had really good, smooth communication. He validate my feelings and doesn’t make me feel bad or wrong in my feelings. He’s open to my feedback and he’s very appreciative of what I bring to the table. He cares very deeply about the people he loves and you can see it in how he speaks about them.  

25: Do they make you laugh? He does. 

26: Do you make them laugh? Yes. 

27: Are they good huggers/ kissers? Yes. 

28: What is your favorite “flaw” that they have? My favorite flaw is his anxiety, which sounds weird but because I also have a lot of anxiety and OCD it makes me feel that it gives us a better understanding of each other. 

29: Are they nice to strangers? He’s the most outgoing person in my life. 

30: What is the funniest thing they have ever said? I’m not sure. 

31: Saddest? There have been plenty of heartfelt convos. 

32: Weirdest? He’s a generally weird dude, so weird shit gets discussed all the time. 

33: Cutest? Ugh all of the times that he’s just super open in communicating his feelings about us. 

34: Ever dreamt about them? What happened in the dream? Yes. Typically normal stuff lol, idk. 

35: How tall are they? How tall are you? He’s 5′9″, I’m 5′3″.

36: Do they have a booty? He’s got a bit of a booty. 

37: What are their hobbies? Football, reading, and Netflix. 

38: What are their talents? He’s incredibly personable and can really just fit right into any surroundings. 

39: What would your dream date be with them? Honestly I am so easy to please and my favorite times with him are when it’s just the two of us together, it doesn’t matter what we are doing. Yesterday we just watched Netflix together. 

40: Does anyone know about your crush/love? Everyone knows that we are dating. Too early for love. 

41: What do you guys have in common? We have a surprising amount in common. We like true crime, we both have insane anxiety, we have a similar interest in human services. 

42: Do they go to the gym? He does not currently have a gym membership. 

43: Do they go by their given name? Yes. 

44: What is their favorite color? Red.

45: How far apart do you live from them? 25 minutes. 

46: What song reminds you of them? Many. 

47: Do they listen to a lot of music? Yes.

48: What do they smell like? He smells good. 

49: If they were in a book (protagonist or antagonist or supporting character, up to you) how would the writer describe them? I’m not about to go into this full fledged detail lol. 

50: How often do you see them? 3-4 times a week. 

51: The last text message they sent you? “You look so pretty babe”

52: The last thing they said to you in person? "Drive safe, have fun in Boston”

53: What is the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in front of them? I’m not sure. I don’t typically get embarrassed. 

54: Do they have any tattoos or piercings? Yep.

55: What color are their eyes? Green. 

56: What is their clothing style? He’s definitely got a very different style than I do lol. He’s very Dallas homeboy. 

57: What is one thing that makes them really special? How open and honest he is with me. A few weeks in he literally handed me his entire criminal record, and that may sound a little sketchy but I’m a big believer in people not being their mistakes. 

58: Will you tell your crush your feelings? He knows. I tell him very often how much I like him. 

59: How long did you know them before you started falling for them? A couple of months. 

60: Was there a defining moment when you knew you liked them? The night after he just didn’t show up at my house when he said he was going to and I was high anxiety about it. We talked on the phone, he could tell I was pissed, and when he came over the next night he made a point to sit down and have a full on conversation about where we were at, how he was feeling, fears about making us an official relationship, and his feelings about me and how much he cared and didn’t want to fuck anything up.