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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

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askfallenroyalty · 2 years ago

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if youre still answering art tip questions, how do you visualize scenes? like, i know the emotions of the scene, i know what movements the characters make, but whenever i try to put that into a comic format, all of their positions are either face front or back view. ive been trying to break the habit since forever now to draw different angles with characters, but not knowing how to move the 'camera' is really frustrating, since you want every shot to be unique to the scene. do you have any tips on perspective and focus? both with characters themselves and what to focus on in panels?

expand your visual library O:

i'll be honest, when characters are just talking -I very much struggle with the same "characters stand and talk" issue. I worry about repeating the same paneling over an over. This is a normal worry within long form comics where, frankly, mundane scenes that don't call for much "action" or anything intresting.

I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing though. You have to have these "drab" sections to pace out the impactful ones, otherwise if it's just bam bam bam interesting stuff going on every page, you'd be lost in a sea of noise. Just like in composition, you need balance.

For when you do need to spice things up, look into shot composition for film or read Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud (I recommend all 3) they're THE textbooks on making comics... while also being comics.

youtube

but yeah usually I'll switch from front facing to profile view and zoom in /out the camera. I always aim to have something note worthy in every comic -never waste the reader's time with pointless fluff. It doesn't have to be plot or anything significant, it can just be a joke. As long as it's something. The cat comic really pushed the envelope on this but personally I find it funny in it's anti-joke kinda way.

I don't care if you think you're funny or not, just trying for a joke every page is worth doing. I don't think I'm a funny person -but damn if making this comic hasn't had me laughing constantly at my own jokes. UT really inspires me to just throw shit at the wall and see what joke lands. ALL stories need jokes. You need levity. this might sound like odd advice but i recommend adding more comedy to your comics, it'll add a lot of life and composition to it just on the nature of being unpredictable.

working on your storytelling (past comedy) will influence how you direct scenes as well.

In this scene: Chara and Asriel are separated by a panel border and never look at each other directly -they are literally not seeing each other eye to eye. The one time this method breaks is when Chara makes their declaration for Asriel to stay home -but then Asriel runs off, again separated by a panel and leaving Chara to their own panel alone.

Comics are a visual medium with it's own specific language and strengths. It can be like storyboards and be directed like film, so learning camera angles, visual symbolism, color theory etc. will help your paneling. If you have the time or the right program (I use Clip Studio, which has 3d models but you can play around with blender which is free) mess with 3d models of characters or rooms. See how literally moving a camera changes how you view scenes.

I guess the last piece of advice I have is just... be experimental! Every now and then, try something new and weird. When we met Goat Chara I gave their second panel an awkward close up where it's from Flowey's perspective. It's a visual gag you'd blink and you'd miss it, but it also helps establish that yeah, this is Chara, they're in your face with a snoot now instead of a human one with a nose. Normally, I wouldn't be caught dead shoving a camera into someone's face as a drawing, because it's awkward and a general rule of thumb is never draw a character 100% full straight on forward unless it's for a visual reference or for 3d modeling.

)You do that to accurately create the character symmetrically and to rig the 3d model btw)

this is not how people stand (unless it's for the meme) IRL. people move around and they don't face each other like robots on a grid, you know? give characters something to do, even if it's just to play with their hair or scratch their face. The comic pages are static but the character's aren't, they're going to move around and express themselves.

Hope this helped anon! have fun making your comics ^_^

#ooc #tbd #not art

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hamatoclan76 · 2 years ago

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Thoughts on Rise of the Tmnt the movie

After 2 years of waiting, we finally got the Rise of the Tmnt movie! There were times we didn’t know if the project got cancelled or postponed with little news about it in between but the Rise team was able to finish the movie. Now, was the film worth of the wait? I’m going to write my thoughts about it in this post to see if it lived up to expectations (at least mine). For starters, the animation. What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? This film probably has the best animation in an animated movie from this year so far. The direction and camera is wonderful. The actions scenes are amazing to breathtaking. The movement of the characters is very fluid. The artwork captures this sci-fi feel the plot of the film has. There are backgrounds that you could hand them in a wall because of how great they look. It’s clear the animation they really went with all they have when it came to working with this fim and it shows. In terms of story and characters: I’m going to be honest-This film has the best writing so far in anything related to ROTTMNT. The conflict is treated seriously as it should, the narrative is well paced and the cast is in character. There are many aspects to highlight so I’m going to with the premise itself. I like the idea of the Kraang being very intimidating to the point that can’t be defeated, they have to be trapped. I think this version of the Kraang has to be the most powerful of them all because some of them could fight the turtles without having to control a robot. I appreciate how they handled Casey Jones here. He still shares common traits with his previous versions while having some twists in his own. It’s cool how he is the one that comes from the future to warn the turtles and how he looks up to the Future version of Leo. He is a good inclusion to main cast. When it comes to the characters, the film it’s mostly about Leonardo learning to be a leader. And... can i say that i really liked how he was written here? His biggest character flaws come to bit him in the face in this film and he is forced to learn more than one thing about working in a team. The whole emotional part of the story feels like a deconstruction of his character in the series. His conflict with Raphael is interesting too since it what it motivates him to change. Leonardo comes to the realization of understanding why Raphael was always on his neck before Splinter changed their roles in the team. By the end of the film there is this emotional moment he admits he understand Raphael’s conflict and that he was trying to look after them.

Another thing i can give credits to the movie for is giving other characters time to shine: The team up between Splinter and April and them saving Donnie and Mikey. Mikey unleashing his mystic powers at the climax to free Leo from the Kraang’s dimension. Donnie not fighting with his special shell on, etc. I think one issue i have with other TMNT movies is that most of the time is about Raphael and Leonardo, not letting other characters have important moments. This is why is feels like a breath of fresh air that this movie allowed the rest characters to develop in some ways. In conclusion: The film was worth of the wait. It’s overall a solid film and a good conclusion for the series (if this is supposed to be the finale). The animation is excellent, the writing is the best the series has offered so far and it has some emotional moments, especially in the second half. It would even recommend it to people who haven’t watched the series since it the story is mostly standalone.

#Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt movie

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seokiie · 4 years ago

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𝙸𝚜 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝙰𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚍?

+ 𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘉𝘛𝘚 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺? 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘺-𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶?

+𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4.8𝘬

+ 𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨/𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

+ 𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘪-𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭, 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳, 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘌𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩, 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩!!!, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘯

On AO3 || part two

Okay.

Okay. You're okay. You'll be fine. You take a deep breath.

Today was like any other day. You'd just gotten out of your last class of the day and you were heading to work. You were a simple college student (as were most of your coworkers) and the barista job you had at the little cafe right off campus was your only source of income. It paid surprisingly well so you never complained.

The last thing you were expecting when you open the glass doors of the coffee shop is to see a camera crew setting up lights and cameras and-

Is that fucking BTS?

Your eyes grow wide and you have to blink a few times to make sure it's real.

"Hey, y/n, what are you staring... at..." The familiar chime of someone else entering the shop snaps you out of your daze. When you turn around, you meet another pair of shocked eyes. They belong to your close friend, who also worked as a barista.

"Are you fucking seeing what I'm seeing right now..?" Your friend points a shaky finger to the seven handsome Korean men talking to the director. You quickly grab her arm and pull it down to her side when you notice one of the men, with curly hair and particularly dark eyes look over to the two of you. You offer an awkward smile and he simply turns back to focus his attention back on the director.

"Fuck, fuck. He looked at us. He saw you pointing." You whisper yell at your friend before grabbing her hand and dragging her behind the counter and into the back room. It was the only safe place left in the entire cafe that wasn't crowded with security and staff.

"Did our manager say anything about a worldwide boy group showing up to our tiny little urban cafe? Because I sure as hell don't remember it." Your friend paces around the small area of the backroom. The place was jammed with unopened packs of coffee beans and various cardboard boxes.

"No. No, I don’t think he did. Do you think we were supposed to come in for work today? What if they kick us out?" You open the door slightly, peering out into the open area of the coffee shop. It looked like the camera crew finally finished setting up and everyone was getting into their positions. "Ah, they're starting."

Now it’s your friend’s turn to grab your hand. Her nails practically dig into your wrist as she drags you out the room and towards where the camera crew is set up. No one seems to pay you two much attention as they're too focused making sure they had the right angles.

"Look, we can see everything from here without getting in the way." The municipal cafe you worked at was wide and open meaning there was lots of rooms for the hand-carved dark oak tables and big comfortable armchairs that littered the area. Your friend effectively pushes you down into one of the chairs before taking a seat across from you. She was right, you could see everything from here. And you were just out of frame.

The recording starts with the Bangtan boys saying something familiar in Korean and the director explaining... something in Korean. Suddenly, you're wishing you had English subtitles in real life.

It doesn't occur to you until various well-known tools and ingredients are placed in front of the seven guys that they're filming a run BTS episode. You probably should've figured that out sooner. As your eyes skim over the numerous appliances, you also figured out what they're doing. They're learning how to make professional handmade coffee. You guess it's safer than letting them use the bigger machines.

As the recording progresses, you find yourself laughing at how bad they are at following directions. You'd think seven guys who were skilled at learning and mastering choreography could follow basic instructions about using a Moka pot. Boy, were you wrong.

But surprisingly enough, one of them is doing pretty damn good. Actually, he's doing really fucking good!

It's Taehyung, you recognize immediately.

Your eyes follow the curly-haired man’s movements closely. His hands are working expertly against the coffee bean grinder. It's mesmerizing and oh, so satisfying watching the way the veins in his hands and arms bulge as he pushes the top of the grinder down to activate the machine. You bite your lip as your brain slowly flooded with images of those hands around your neck or the way his big hands would cover the expanse of your thighs. Have you always had a hand kink? If not, you do now.

Your eyes drift upward, stopping briefly to admire how sexy he looks in an apron. He's wearing a white button-down shirt underneath it with about four buttons undone. The sliver of skin showing has you reeling.

And then your eyes stop at his face. That beautiful jawline, the perfect curl of his hair, and that dark, hooded look in his eyes. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was looking at... at...

Holy shit, he was looking at you.

You watch as a smirk forms on his face. He'd obviously caught you eyeing him up and at the moment, he was absolutely eating up the way you shifted under his inculpative glare. You nervously look around as if saying, 'you're looking at me? Are you sure?' and he lets out a little laugh in response, his wicked smirk turning into a genuine smile before his focus is back on his coffee beans.

You let out a breathless sound.

Is this what people call a 'y/n moment'?

The recording continues for the next hour as they tried different methods of making coffee. You alternated between watching the show and talking to your friend but throughout that time, you kept feeling a pair of eyes on you, especially when your attention shifted to your friend in front of you. As she talks about how annoying some guy in her psychology class is, you can practically feel Taehyung’s eyes boring through the side of your head and into your soul.

Maybe you just thought he was looking at you. You were such an ordinary person. What would Taehyung- rich, sexy, famous, talented Taehyung want with a boring girl like you?

But you still wanted to test it. You wanted to see if he was really looking at you. If he was staring at you so intently, it had to mean something right?

You look around you to make sure you're not in the line of sight of any cameras before standing up, your friend stops her story to ask where you're going.

"Not going anywhere..." You stand beside your chair and adjust your skirt that had ridden up from you sitting down. "I just wanna stretch real quick."

Taehyung watched as you stood up, his eyes were drawn to the insane amount of thigh you were showing. If your skirt had ridden up any higher, he's sure he'd get a good look at something he's not supposed to see. His grip on the table in front of him tightens at the thought and he's lucky no one notices the way his knuckles turn white.

In your opinion, your outfit wasn't anything special. It was a simple red crop top paired with a black pencil skirt that hugged your waist and hips nicely. Now that you were standing up, Taehyung could get a good look at your body.

You raise your arms up slightly so your hands were behind your head. The action inadvertently brings your crop top up higher and pulls it tighter against your chest. You weren't completely sure if Taehyung was still watching, but to top it all off you tilt your head back slowly, letting your face twist into one of pleasure as you show off how amazing it feels to stretch your body.

When you open your eyes and look back towards Taehyung, you almost stumble back into your chair. To be completely honest, you didn't think he'd have any sort of reaction but you were greatly mistaken.

His lips were wet and parted slightly as if he'd just licked them and his eyes were iniquitous and clouded with lust. He was looking at you as if the only thing stopping him from taking you apart was the bright flashing red light on the cameras.

His stare has you stumbling back into your seat, your eyes not leaving his for a second. It feels like you're locked in place, like you're not allowed to look away until he orders you to.

"You're so extra." Your friend’s voice is kind of distant and quiet but it's all you need to snap out of the weird limbo between you and Taehyung.

"Huh?"

"I said you're extra. You stretched and made it look like you were having the best orgasm of your life." She laughs and you roll your eyes in response. When you look back at Taehyung, he's conversing with his bandmates like nothing even happened.

The filming finishes up rather quickly. The time you don't spend gushing at the seven men, you spend quietly squealing with your coworker friend. It feels as if it's over as quickly as it started, though, and as the camera crew starts to load their things into their vans, your manager instructs you to get to your station. He tells your coworker to focus on opening the shop once everyone leaves and she walks away with an "ai ai, cap'n".

The weird ordeal with Taehyung completely slips your mind as you walk behind the counter and put your apron on. First, you had to check to make sure all the machines were working and then you could-

"Hey."

The voice is deep and very familiar.

Fuck.

"Hi! I mean, hi." Your brain is a jumbled mess as you turn around and you're greeted by a tall, handsome man on the other side of the counter. Taehyung approached you. Taehyung is talking to you. Breathe.

"You're, uhh..." You watch expectantly as the man searches for the words. Somehow, his thinking face makes you feel a little less intimidated. "You're a coffee woman. You make... coffee here." He concludes and at first, you're a bit confused until you figure out what he's trying to say. You let out a little laugh.

"Yeah, I work here. I'm a barista." Taehyung tilts his head at your words.

"Barista... Ah, sorry, my English. It's not good." He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and your heart practically swells in your chest. He's so cute, oh god. He's so cute and hot at the same time.

"No, no! It's okay!" You raise your hands up in a calming motion before silence falls between you two. You're first to speak up.

"Should we- can I- do you want me to make you something?" You mentally slap yourself for your stutter. Taehyung finds it endearing.

"Make me coffee?" Taehyung asks to make sure he understood you correctly. You nod in response. "You can make Americano?"

"Yeah, I can make you an Americano!" You turn to load the right beans into the grinder but a quick 'jamkkanman!' stops you in your tracks. That’s a Korean word you understand. You look back at him and raise your eyebrows.

"I want to watch, uhh, I want to learn how to do it. Not-Korean style." His smile is nervous, worried if he said the right thing. Without much thought, you usher him behind the counter. You weren't allowed to let customers behind the counter but you're sure the higher-ups would let you make an exception.

"Ok, I'll show you. First, you have to measure the beans." You say simply as you pour a couple of grams of coffee beans on the scale. As your adding and reducing the beans to get the right amount, you're starting to become hyperaware of the man standing behind you. You left space for him to stand at your side but he still chose to stand directly behind you. It was getting hard to concentrate when you could feel the heat radiating off his body.

"Those are too many beans, you know? This is how America does it?" Alarms start going off in your head as he steps closer (if that was even possible). His chest was pressed flush against your back now as he peered over your shoulder.

"N-no, uh... I put too many..." You try to take out some of the coffee beans and put them back in the bag but all you can focus on is the way Taehyung's hands casually find themselves on your hips. Ok, it was certain now. He was doing this on purpose.

"Hmm, too little now. I think maybe..." His voice drops to a whisper and his lips are pressed against the shell of your ear. You bite your lip to suppress a moan threatening to crawl out your throat. "... Maybe you're distracted."

"I'm not... fuck." The bag of beans slip out your hands and fall onto the scale when Taehyung pulls your hips back against his. There's something heavy pressing against you, something that you would only compare to a log.

"Mm, pretty girl with a dirty mouth." He growls and rocks your hips slowly against his, pulling you against him in slow, teasing motions. Your body is starting to heat up and you're not sure if its because Taehyung is essentially fucking you through layers of your clothes or because of his subtle compliment.

"Is there... eunmilhan place?" Taehyung's grip on your hips loosens and you turn around to give him a confused look.

"Place where there's no one?" His eyebrow raises and your eyes light up. He was asking for a more secluded area. You knew just the place.

Very few people had a key to the backroom which made it the perfect place to hide away with the idol. Speaking of which, you're about to fuck an idol. Not just any idol but Kim Taehyung. Maybe that fact hasn't hit you yet. You wonder if he'll make you sign an NDA after.

You flick the light on in the small room before locking the door. The last thing you need is for a coworker to walk in. That would be especially bad.

As soon as you slip the keys into the pocket of your apron, Taehyungs hands are gripping both your wrists and bringing them above your head, effectively slamming you back against the door in the process.

"Taehyung-" Your head tilts back against the door when the curly-haired man presses his thigh between your legs. You were so pent up and touch starved. You were just thankful he was giving you something, anything.

"Hey, you know, in Korea... younger girl has to call older guy oppa. It shows respect." The pressure Taehyung is putting on your clit has you soaking through your panties and your brain struggling to keep up with his words.

"More, ah, please!" With Taehyung holding your wrists above your head and his knee between your leg, you're practically trapped against the door. It makes rubbing against him futile.

"Aishh, such a bad girl. So disobedience. Maybe I shouldn't touch you..." Your eyes shoot open at those words. Not only did you and Taehyung have so little time but the thought of him leaving you unfinished was simply unacceptable.

"Taehyung, please, please!" You whine into the crook of his neck but he doesn't let up. What more does he want from you?

"Call me oppa." Taehyung’s fingers twist themselves into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you back so you were looking straight into his half-lidded, lust-filled eyes. You open your mouth and close it in response.

You weren't completely sure if he was being serious but the way his lips parted, his eyes dropping down to your mouth and staring at them expectantly, it was hard to believe he was joking.

You licked your dry lips and sure enough, Taehyung follows the movement.

"O-oppa?" You feel a bit awkward saying the word seriously, your accent, or lack thereof making you feel self-conscious.

"So cute and shy. Weren't you teasing me so confident earlier?" Taehyung smirks as he kisses down your jaw and you subconsciously let your head tilt to the side, inviting his pretty lips to your neck. "Tell oppa what you want."

"I want you- I want oppas fingers inside me... please?" A growl leaves Taehyungs throat at your words and he says something in Korean that you couldn't quite catch. Almost immediately, he's using both his hands to grab the back of your thighs, lifting you up easily. Your legs instinctively wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck. The way he has you pressed back against the door makes holding you up effortless and comfortable.

Taehyung slides your pencil skirt up till it bunches up at your waist and your soaked panties are exposed. He makes a sound of approval.

"You're so wet already, shibal. I want to eat it so bad but no time. Open." Two of Taehyungs fingers are prodding at your lips before you part them slightly and he's sliding them in. Your tongue works deftly around the digits and Taehyungs eyes don't leave yours for a second.

It all happens so quickly, Taehyung pushing your panties to the side in one easy motion, then a pair of spit-soaked fingers slipping into you with ease. You let out a moan of pleasure and a bit of surprise when the two fingers curl inside you. After easily finding your g-spot, Taehyung doesn't hold back. He fucks his fingers into you with quick, sharp motions, scissoring them in an attempt to stretch you out even farther. Lord knows you'll need it.

"Ah, Fuck, Taehyung..." As soon as the needy whines leave your mouth, Taehyung is pulling his fingers out of you with a wet foop. He licks the fingers soaked with your juices, a look of satisfaction on his face before he shakes his head.

"Ah ah, what did I say to call me?" He raises an eyebrow expectantly, his thumb coming up to swipe across your lips in a slow, carnal manner that has a spark of something igniting low in your belly.

"Oppa... oppa, sorry! Please fuck me." Taehyungs thumb drops down to your lower lip, pushing it down slightly so they were parted before pressing a starved kiss to your lips. You let out a mix between a sigh and a moan, relieved to finally have his lips on yours. His tongue works expertly in your mouth and you can't help but whimper, the sound muffled by his lips.

"God, you're sexy when you beg. I can't wait anymore. Can I put it inside you?" Taehyung's hand grips your chin and tilts your head up just a bit so you were looking into his eyes again. His eyes sparkled with something, if you didn't know any better you'd think it was desperation.

You nod your head quickly. At this point, Taehyungs cock felt like your life force and without it you might die.

Taehyung lets you palm at the very defined bulge in his pants before unzipping his slacks and pulling his underwear down just enough to remove his cock from the confines of his boxers and holy shit.

It's massive.

Taehyung's cock is big and heavy in your hands. It's thick and lengthy and the longer you stare at it the more it twitches with interest.

"Ah, it's embarrassing... if you stare..." Taehyung bites his lip as his length jerks upward, blobs of precum beading up at his tip.

"It's so- what if- I don’t know if it can fit..." You stare down in awe. You've never seen anyone so... well endowed? You're kind of scared he might split you in half.

"Wah, a lot say that, you know? But they can take it!" Taehyung looks up at you with an almost innocent smile on his face, a hint of red still on his cheeks and at the tip of his ears. "Your pussy wraps prettily around my fingers so... so I want to see it... I want to see it wrap prettily around my cock..."

You're a bit shocked at his lewd words but you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on. Reluctantly, you brace your arms on his shoulders, perching yourself right above Taehyung's length as he angles it towards your folds. His other hand is gripping your ass and effectively spreading you open further.

"Are you ready? I'll put it inside now." He sounds awfully polite for someone about to literally rearrange your guts. You tuck your face into the crook of his neck and let out a quiet 'Mhm'.

You can feel yourself throbbing as Taehyung eases just the head of his cock inside of you. How is it that you already felt so stretched? You whimper against his neck, trying your best to stay quiet as sparks of pain and pleasure surge through you.

It would be a lie to say Taehyung wasn't having as hard of a time as you were. He wanted so desperately to just pull you down onto his cock and fuck you ruthlessly into the door but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you. His hand trembles against your ass as he struggles to sit you down on his length slowly.

"Fuck, so big, you're so big, oppa.." You bite down at the skin between Taehyungs neck and collarbone and he lets out a low groan in response, squeezing your ass in an attempt to keep you from sliding all the way down onto him.

His tip had just barely made it past your entrance and despite some of his length already being inside, you already felt so full. There's no way he'd be able to fit inside you completely-

Your jumbled train of thought is cut off suddenly by the doorknob beside you jerking rapidly, followed by a series of rhythmic knocks on the door. In a moment of sudden panic, Taehyung's hand, the one that was holding you up, snaps up and presses against the door like it might open at any second.

But if Taehyung's hand wasn't holding you up anymore...?

"Ahh!! Ahah! Fuck, Taeh-" Instantaneously, you're dropped onto Taehyung's cock, his length filling you up completely and sending waves of pleasure and pain through you as his cockhead jabbed tenaciously at your cervix. At that, you're letting out a series of uncontrollably loud moans and he's slapping a hand over your mouth.

"Y/n? Are you in there? What happened?" It's your coworker’s voice. Fuck. The door handle jiggles some more and Taehyung's making an urgent face at you. He removes his hand from your mouth slowly, making sure not to move too much so you don't make a 'suspicious' sound.

"Ha-huh? I'm, fuck, I'm in here. Getting... espresso beans." Your brain is a jumbled mess and you're honestly surprised you were able to get the words out semi-coherently.

"Uh... okay? Grab some milk as well when you're done." You hear light steps walking away from the door and Taehyung can finally let out a breath of air he didn't know he was holding.

"You're okay? Does it hurt?" Behind the thick haze of desire in his eyes, there's worry. You'd feel thankful if not for the sharp pain curling around your lower abdomen and shooting through your body.

"Hurts, Oppa... Please move." He was so big inside you and every time you shifted he was pressing against a new spot that you didn't even know existed. Not only that, but the tip of his cock was prodding at your cervix and you needed him to move.

He follows your commands almost immediately as if he was waiting for those exact words, leaning you back against the door completely before pistoning his hips into you at a rate you would not describe as leisurely.

Taehyung's fucking into you with enough force that each thrust has you sliding up and down against the door, accompanied by the door rattling quietly every time he pulled out and trusted back in. Your nails dig helplessly into his back as you let out wanton moans against his neck, an almost fruitless attempt at trying to stay quiet.

"So tight and warm. Feel so good inside you." Taehyungs lets out an airy moan, his breath fanning against your ear every time he fucked into you. "So loud, too. You want, hnng, want for them to catch us?"

One of Taehyung's hands finds itself in your hair, pulling your head back roughly so you were looking back at him with dazed eyes. The action almost felt intimate, the way he was staring at you with so much hunger as he drilled you against the door, the way his eyes dropped down to your mouth as you bit your lip to suppress a moan.

"More, more! Ha-ah, Taehyung, I'm about- gonna-" The words stumble from your mouth breathlessly and Taehyung lets out a mix between a growl and a laugh, pulling your hair to the side so your neck was fully exposed for him.

"So bad, so demanding. Did you forget my name? Already?" Taehyung presses faint kisses to your jaw before trailing lower. You plead when Taehyung sucks a light hickey into your neck, licking it over as if to soothe it. "Don't you dare come."

It's an order but his cock is filling you up so nicely, squeezing against every single one of your erogenous zones even when he was simply pulling out to thrust back in. He's pulsing inside you and you can practically feel him in your throat. How does he expect you not to come??

"Oppa! Oppa, please! Fuck, I'm- I can't hold it-" You tried your best to hold off but you were fighting a losing battle. His cock was abusing that special spot inside you, pounding it with every move of his hips and it was exactly that that pushed you over the edge. Well, that and the feeling of him sucking constant hickeys into your collarbone.

"Ileon jenjang..." Taehyung whines as you tighten around him. White blotches cloud your vision as your orgasm curls in your abdomen and washes over you like a wave. "Wanna finish inside... wanna fill- fill you up... want it so bad... but can't."

Taehyung's words become less coherent and start to switch between English and Korean the closer he gets until he's pulling out and breathlessly instructing you to get on your knees, still pumping himself quickly as you follow the order.

"Wanted- wanted to come on that pretty face as soon as I seen- saw you this morning. Shibal! Open your- open your mouth, jagi." Post orgasm bliss was still thrumming through your body as you looked up at Taehyung through your eyelashes. His teeth were clenched tightly, a low growl escaping from his throat as he looked down at you and pumped himself faster, harder.

The picture of Taehyung throwing his head back, opening and closing his mouth with inaudible moans as he squeezed his cock harder is one you'll never forget. Even if you wanted to.

Ropes and ropes of translucent, sticky cum shoot at your face, some of it landing on your lips and cheeks but most of it landing on your tongue. You make a satisfied sound when you swallow it all down, licking away the excess on your lips.

"Fucking sexy." Taehyung laughs, patting the top of your head gently before gripping your chin and pulling you up in a deep kiss. You'd be lying if you said it didn't catch you off guard. Guys never usually kissed you after coming in your mouth. The way his tongue works has your body flushing and your head thoughtless. You let out a quiet moan into his mouth.

When Taehyung's lips separate from yours, a string of saliva is the only thing still connecting you and your legs suddenly feel weak again. You and the taller man stare at each other for what felt like hours, just examining how wrecked you two were.

"Ah, the time! We're leaving now. I should leave first." Taehyung is the first to pull away, using his thumb to wipe away any of the clear substance still lingering on your face. You pull your lips into a slight pout before soothing your skirt down with your hands. Having sex with an idol, you knew it'd end like this but you were still allowed to be disappointed.

"I don't want manager-nim to find out this happened. It can be our little secret. Here." Taehyung rustles through his pants and hands you his phone. You're confused. What does he want you to do with his phone?

After a beat of silence and you holding his phone idly, he finally speaks.

"Your number."

"Seriously?" You raise your eyebrows, shocked.

"Seriously. If I visit here again, I'll call. We can meet." He fixes his pants and adjusts his clothes to look less sloppy, less like he just had the best sex of his life.

"There's so much else I want to do to you."

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

[I do not allow any translating, editing, reposting, or use of any my work!!]

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spenciegoob · 4 years ago

Text

A Short Film

A/N: hey hey hey... mid writing this I realized how much I jumped the gun and thought this was a good concept, but now that I’m thinking too hard about it, maybe it’s not. I also wrote too much of it to back down now, so hopefully someone out there enjoys this as much as I did in my head lol.

Summary: Spencer steps way out of his comfort zone to ask his film major girlfriend a question.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: nothing really... Spencer hardcore struggling with technology

Word Count: 3.5k

Masterlist

___

“Hey Garcia, do you think you could help with something?” Spencer asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and not looking up from the floor of her office.

“Of course, Boy Wonder? What can I do for you?” Garcia answered while excitedly turning her chair back to her wall of screens.

Spencer grabbed the extra chair in her office and mumbled, “Actually um,” causing Garcia to completely abandon her position and fully face the genius.

“Spencer, are you okay? Is something wrong?” Spencer couldn’t blame her for asking. He was sweating more than usual, his face was bright red and he hadn’t stop fiddling with his hands since he shut the door.

“Oh no, nothing’s wrong. I just, uh, I don’t really know how to ask this,” Spencer stumbled back. It was the truth after all. No life experience had prepared him for such a request, one that in the grand scheme of things was not a lot, but to Spencer.

To Spencer, it was everything.

“That’s okay. Take your time,” Penelope stated back, and coming from anyone else, Spencer would have believed it was sarcastic in nature. But he also knew that Penelope was one of the only people he could never find judgement or maliciousness from.

You were the other.

“So Y/N and I as you’re probably aware have been together for 2 years now, and you also know that she just got her degree in cinematography and design, which is really funny if you think about it because I know nothing about any of that, but she knows everything. You know, sometimes she’ll explain to me what she sees through her eyes and it’s nothing like what I’ve ever been able to. I’m rambling now but I want to do that,” Spencer spurted out, and once he was done, he took a breath so deep Penelope whole-heartedly believed if he spent one more second talking, he may pass out.

“Woah there, slow down. First of all, that’s adorable. I love Y/N so much. Second of all, how exactly am I supposed to help you see things that way? Shouldn’t she be more help?” Penelope questioned, now completely confused about Spencer’s intentions with this very early morning visit.

“She can’t exactly know. It’s kind of a surprise thing,” Spencer answered shyly. He hadn’t even gotten to the punchline and yet, he was contemplating every move.

Was this a good idea?

But when he saw the way Penelope lit up before she yelled, “Tell me everything, and spare no details. None!” He knew he would stop at nothing to make this perfect.

“So here’s what I was thinking.”

That was 1 year ago today, and since then, Spencer has tried to figure out what to say when he revealed his big project. He stood in front of the mirror every day for 365 days trying to find the perfect way to put it. Still when you sat on your shared couch gazing up at him in amusement, confusion and adoration all at once, his mouth was dry and his throat clamped up.

“Spence, you’re starting to scare me. Are you okay?” You asked, watching as your boyfriend stared at you like a deer caught in headlights with a laptop and assorted cords in his hands.

“Uh, yes! Yes I am okay. I just need to um, this needs to go. You know what? I wasn’t told how to do this part, can you help me?” Spencer paced back and forth between you and the TV four times while he was talking before he stopped defeated in front of you. He wouldn’t have asked for help unless he was certain Penelope was smart enough to insert a black screen in the beginning of what caused the laptop to burn a hole in his hand.

“Yes, of course,” you said, slightly chuckling at his confusion. Spencer Reid and technology, whilst tragic, was also very adorable. “What are you trying to do?”

“I need the video on the laptop to play on the TV,” he stated simply. At least he knew what he wanted. That was a new, first step in the right direction.

“Okay easy. Just hand me that cord, and,” you drew out the ‘and’ as you bent around the TV and plugged in the cord. “Perfect. Now just plug this end into the laptop and hit play.” You handed Spencer back his end of the cord, watching as he examined the object and the side of the computer to know where exactly to put it. It almost felt like watching a toddler try and find the rightly shaped hole for the triangle piece, and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t endearing.

Before he could break anything, you stepped in. “I know you’d be able to figure it out, but it’s that one.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled back sheepishly.

“Okay so a little back story. A year ago today, I asked Penelope to teach me how to record videos on my new phone. Thank you for that by the way, the camera on it is really cool, and I’m not just saying that because it’s one of the only things I know how to work. Anyways, I started secretly recording videos of you, of us, anything that reminded me of you, and me talking about you. So I sent them over to Garcia and she pushed them all together, and I think what I’m trying to say is I made a short film? Home video? It doesn’t really matter, but I’m showing it to you now.” Spencer didn’t acknowledge the shocked look on your face as he settled next to you and put the laptop on the coffee table.

But as you watched him find the video and set up, your jaw stayed slack. Spencer Reid, the world’s biggest technophobe, figured out how to use an iPhone camera just for you. While to others it may not seem like a lot, to you.

To you, it was everything.

“Spence, I don’t even know what to say. This is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” It didn’t feel like enough. The amount of awe, and love that filled your chest was so comforting, so warm.

It felt like home. It felt like Spencer.

“You don’t have to say anything, just watch,” he stated before hitting the spacebar, something he’s seen you do plenty of times.

The video started out with Spencer crouching down slightly to where the phone was set up against a bookcase in front of the couch.

“Is it recording?” He whispered, and when he realized it was, he took a step back and gave a thumbs up before rushing to sit on the couch. You couldn’t help but let a full smile stretch across your face, an involuntary act when it came to Spencer.

“Hey, love bug. It’s Spencer, but wait you knew that because you can see me.” There was a small pause as Spencer squinted to see if you could actually see him from his position on the couch. When he realized he was in frame, he continued. “This is totally weird that I’m technically talking to myself right now, but I hope future me gave you an explanation. I tried to wait for a good time to start recording this, and in the two weeks I’ve known how to work that thing,” Spencer said as he pointed to the camera. “We’ve been on a case. I came home tonight, and you’re sleeping right now, but if I stay quiet enough I can say what I need to.”

You looked over at Spencer as he was twiddling with his fingers. Something he only did when he was nervous. You reached over and grabbed one of his hands, giving it a reassuring squeeze, but when you tried to pull away so as to not truly disturb his fidgeting, he caught it. So, you intertwined your fingers together, and continued to watch past Spencer.

“I came home today, and all I wanted to do was hold you. Granted, that’s every day, but today was just, it was really hard. When I came home you were asleep on the couch. One time you told me you didn't like to sleep in our bed while I was away, something about it being too big. At first, I was mad because your poor back, but today I changed my mind because the amount of steps to get to you was much less.”

Spencer unlocked the door to the apartment, resting his head against the wood as he inserted the key into the lock. The most recent case had ended with the death of both the latest victim and the unsub, and he couldn’t bear another second of remembering the scene play out in front of him.

All he wanted to do was lay in her arms, but when he opened the door, the apartment was completely silent.

And then he saw a little fuzzy sock clad foot sticking out from underneath the huge, fluffy blanket on the couch. Slowly, he walked towards you, finding you fast asleep with a t-shirt of his tightly snuggled up to your neck and face.

Spencer got down on a knee in front of you, and brushed the hair that had fallen over your eyes. Slowly, they fluttered open at his feather touch, only to widen with realization.

“You’re home!” You squealed, throwing your hands around his neck. Immediately, he reciprocated the hug, tighter than usual. Spencer tucked his head into your neck and inhaled the scent of your shampoo, a grounding technique he would never tell you he developed. The hands he delicately placed at first across the expanse of your back grew heavier, drawing your body closer to his.

You pulled your head back, him following your movements, and stared deeply into his eyes for a second. The moment you two locked eyes, he knew the jig was up. Spencer knew you could see right through him, and he knew that even if you weren’t there to witness what he had, you saw it replaying over and over in his eyes.

“You must be tired, let’s get you to bed.” Your words shocked him at first. Usually, the people in his life would ask insistent questions on his mental well-being, and while they were greatly appreciated, Spencer was never one to open up when asked to.

You, however, didn’t meddle, you didn’t push. You simply gave him a place to feel safe as you two settled under the duvet together, never letting go of one another even for a second. You held the back of his head, slowly brushing your fingers through his curls as he laid against your chest. Your fingers were medicinal to him, softly taking away the pain and violence of the day, and replacing it with security, comfort, love.

“No one’s ever been that excited to see me before, let alone knew how to take care of me the way you did. I just,” Spencer trailed off and looked towards our bedroom, where you stirred in your sleep looking for him. “You’re about to wake up and wonder where I went. Now you know what I was doing in “the bathroom” for 30 minutes actually meant. Alright, see you next video, love bug.”

The screen cut to Spencer obviously holding the phone close to his chest, the only thing in frame the space where his shoulder and neck met. The soft chords of the start of Vienna by Billy Joel can be heard from outside the room he was in.

“Okay, I’m gonna have to sneak up on you. I’m sorry in advance.”

Spencer finally addressed the camera. As the Spencer on the TV quietly left his position in what you could only assume was your bedroom, you looked over at your very real Spencer softly smiling at the TV.

When he caught your stare, he said “Watch, this is my favorite part.” Turning back to the TV, you watched as Spencer carefully tiptoed to the living room, placing the camera to lean against the vase in the middle of the dinner table to face the kitchen.

In the kitchen, you watched yourself very poorly sing along with Billy Joel using a whisk that you just got done washing as a microphone. The blush that crept up your neck and to your cheeks with embarrassment still felt the same as it did that day.

You hadn’t heard Spencer sneak up on you, not until he was right behind you and let out a soft chuckle at a note you missed. Spencer had never seen someone jump out of their skin as much as you did when he made his presence known.

“Jesus Spencer, you scared me!” You yelled before a smile crept up your face. You couldn’t help it, even in the most embarrassing times, not when Spencer looked at you like that.

“Sorry, love bug. Although, I didn’t mean for you to stop the show.” At that you hit his chest with the whisk/microphone, both of you laughing fully now. “Come here.”

Spencer took your hand, pulling you softly to his chest where you laid your head to his heart. Wrapping his hand around your waist, the two of you started to slowly sway to the music. You both were incredibly offbeat to Vienna, but listening to Spencer’s heart, you realized that the tempo you were dancing at matched up. Unbeknownst to you, due to the adrenaline of being scared, Spencer could feel your heartbeat on his abdomen, and was swaying to that.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, dancing to the in sync beat of each other’s hearts.

The clip of you dancing however only lasted 10 more seconds as the next scene of Spencer bundled up for the fall played. You had met Spencer during the fall, and fell in love with the way the red, yellow and orange leaves contrasted against his honey eyes. This clip was no different.

“Hey, love bug. I’m on my way to deliver this coffee to you in between classes, but I had to stop so I can show you my new friends I’ve made along the way.”

The camera panned down to 4 little ducklings surrounding Spencer’s converse, most of them just waddling around, but one was insistently pecking at the rubber toe of his left shoe. Spencer pointed at the little deviant and said ‘that’s you’ before bringing the camera back up to his face.

“I may have made the mistake of feeding them the fruit I was bringing you, which reminds me I should probably go get you more. I don’t think you’ll be mad though. How could you? Look how cute they are! I kind of want to take them home, but I definitely know that’ll make you mad. Anyways, I just wanted to show off that you’re not always the animal person in this relationship. See you soon, love bug.”

“Oh my god, Spencer. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, but to confirm your thoughts, yes, I would’ve been mad,” you stated, the giddy smile never leaving your face, and giggles spreading themselves through your words.

“I know, I know. They belong in the wild,” he said back, holding up his free hand in faux defeat.

A new scene presented itself to you, this one being Spencer setting up the camera on the bathroom sink while brushing his teeth. You knew you were approaching by the music slowly getting louder.

You entered you and Spencer’s shared bathroom, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John playing out of your phone. He was brushing his teeth, and you followed suit, not stopping the small dancing as you did.

You looked at Spencer, and started moving side to side, your free hand grabbing the crook of his elbow to join you. Looking in the mirror expectedly, you watched Spencer look up at the ceiling before joining you, a smile on his face.

Slowly, the two of you fell into a rhythm to the beat of Elton John, making funny faces to each other in the mirror as you did so.

You reached out fully to lean your head on Spencer’s shoulder as you watched.

The scene on the TV shifted once again to show a very flustered you standing in front of the TV with Citizen Kane paused. Your hair was in a messy bun, and you were sporting one of Spencer’s old Caltech t-shirts, and fuzzy black pants with little pumpkins printed everywhere.

Spencer was also wearing the same fuzzy pants.

“Spence, I’m gonna sound crazy here,” you sprinting off the couch after pausing the film you were currently trying to study for your film analysis class.

“You’re not off to a great start here,” Spencer laughed out. Spencer once told you that no matter what he thought about a book or film, he wanted to listen to you ramble about it for hours. The first thing he fell in love with about you was the way you challenged his thinking, expanding his mind to the possibilities of learning about the difference between production design and cinematography. You taught him something that no class, book or person could ever.

Your mouth dropped open, an over exaggerated gasp leaving your lips, your hand meeting your chest softly.

“Meanie.” Spencer and you chuckled at the antics, and when the laughs died down, you continued. “Here me out, though.”

And from there, you went into a deep dive about the unreliable narrator, and how it affects camera placement in the scene you two just watched.

“Oh my god. I talk that fast?” You asked Spencer, who just let a breathy laugh out at your realization.

“Don’t worry, I think it’s adorable,” he whispered the last part, the smile on his face turning from one of hilarity to one full of love.

30 seconds into your rant, you realize the phone he was attempting to hide close to his lap. Your eyes flicked between the camera that was pointed at you, and Spencer, who’s face filled with confusion as to why you stopped talking.

“Are you recording me?” You asked, a smile never leaving your face. Oh no, he’d been caught. Spencer has to think of a believable excuse, and quick.

“Uh, yeah, sorry, I just uh... I figured instead of you trying to write it down later, you’d want all your notes now.” Perfect!

“Damn, that was good,” you said, nodding softly at his swiftness. You couldn’t be mad he lied, how could you when the truth was this beautiful?

“I know, right? I came up with it on the spot,” Spencer joked with you. As if TV Spencer knew he was interrupting a moment, a throat clearing came from the video. The Spencer you saw was from 3 days ago, and was sitting in his car in what looked to be the Quantico parking garage.

“Hi, love bug. I’m days away from showing you this, and I still don’t know what to say. I hope the me you’re with now has figured it out. So, uh, yeah. That’s it. Uh, take it away, future Spencer. Actually, you’d be present Spenc-” The video cut off, courtesy of Penelope Garcia.

“Y/N,” Spencer started, turning to face a very emotional you fully. “I still haven’t found the right words. None of them could express my love for you, and perfect doesn’t come close to describing you. I know you have a thing for supporting evidence, and I think I just provided a lot to prove that the best thing to ever happen in my life is you.” You let out a small giggle, the tears welling in your eyes breaking free. “Oh no, if you cry, then I’m going to.”

You let out a full laugh now as Spencer wiped the tears falling down your cheeks before continuing.

“Before you, I was reckless. I didn’t care what happened as long as I did something to help. Now, I have a reason to be careful, a reason to care. I can’t do that to you, and if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you, I need to live.”

You inhaled softly as Spencer reached into the pocket of his pants, taking your hand in his.

“Which brings me to my question,” he said with a small smile and cocked his head. Slowly, he dropped down to one knee in front of you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?” Spencer opened the velvet box to reveal a simple silver band with a square cut diamond delicately placed on top.

“Spencer Reid, yes. I will marry you.”

With shaky fingers, he slid the ring on your fingers, the fit perfect. You couldn’t wait any longer, and grabbed his face in your hands to pull his lips to yours. Your lips molded together in perfect harmony, lulling you deeper into Spencer’s embrace.

“I love you,” you whispered against his lips.

“I love you, too,” Spencer answered, only pulling back far enough to mumble before kissing you again.

Note to self: thank Penelope Garcia.

____

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mindofharry · 4 years ago

Note

whats gray and the readers scene? in pornstar!gray

pornstar!grayson.

Ok the first time they do it, it’s not like anything graysons or Y/N had ever done before. They didn’t have a script or any direction to go in, so it was kind of just like a one night stand.

But everyone loved Y/N. They way she she moaned and whimpered, the way she reacted to the degradation and spanks. They were all obsessed — and that meant grayson was getting more views.

“Alec they love her!” Grayson exclaimed pacing around his office. “I need to keep her” grayson said finally sitting down.

Alec looked at the boy and leaned back his chair, ultimately it was Y/N’s choice, but they did have some good chemistry and it brought in a shit ton of money for the both of them (Y/N and Grayson). Alec bit his lip and put down his pen and nodded.

“She’s your partner now, fully. It’s not grayson dolan. It’s Grayson dolan and Y/N L/N” Alec stated earning a smile from grayson.

“Understood boss. Also, does Y/N have her own page yet?”

Alec nodded pulling it up on his laptop, they had done a few photo shoots with her since Grayson and hers first time together. Grayson could feel his cock stand up at the sight of her in that lingerie again. And the way she bit her lip just brought him back. God, it was so hot. It was messy, but hot.

“I have to film something, more like scripted this week. Tell Y/N to learn her lines”

***

Y/N stood in her clothes, well the ‘characters’ clothes, it was the second time she was doing this with grayson and she was hoping this time it wouldn’t feel like a hook up. She can’t deny that she didn’t love it though and they both earned a good bit of money from the video.

She was acting as his secretary, the video would start with her pleasuring herself and then grayson ‘the ceo’ would find her. Then they’d have sex on the desk or something — she didn’t really read into too much.

“Ok, You all ready to start” The camera man asked, Y/N took a quick look at her lines and then nodded, handing the lines over to a person she didn’t regiconise. She moved over to the seat and started to type on the computer.

“I’ll be back in a bit, make sure to have my coffee ready for me” Grayson smirked moving out of frame. He stood there watching Y/N bite her lips and remove her top, looking around making sure no one was there. She placed a hand on her breasts that were covered by that lacey bra grayson would never not love. She massaged both of her breasts letting out a moan making grayson cover his mouth. He loved seeing her so undone. Y/N’s hand moved down your stomach, once still on her breast.

She unbottoned the skirt and easily slipped out of it, innocently looking around the room. Her hand made contact with her soaking wet pussy and she moaned loudly. Grayson nearly came right then and there.

She pulled down the lace panties and move to sit on top of the desk she still had her bra and heels off — Grayson cleared his throat and walked back on set opening the door.

“What’s going on here?” He asked acting suprised.

“Oh uh, nothing sir!” Y/N squeaked moving around the desk. Grayson shook his head and moved foward his hands resting on her bare hips.

“Well, no ones in right now and you’re here” he said looking her up and down. “Why don’t you help daddy with this?” Grayson asked looking down at his erection. She nodded quickly leaning down onto her knees and unbuckling his belt. She pulled down his trousers — and of course he wasn’t wearing any boxers so his cock kind of just jumped out at Y/N.

“C’mon. you’re going to take this cock like the little slut you are” Grayson said pulling at her hair as she took his red, huge cock in her mouth.

“Ah, fuck”

she worked her hands around the base swirling her tongue around his tip, and graysons hips thrust into her mouth earning a little moan of encouragement.

“You want daddy to be rough?” Grayson asked pulling at her hair again, loving every second of it.

He pulled her away from his cock and lifted her back onto the desk knocking all of props off of it making Y/N giggle. Grayson took off his bra and flung it at one of the camera men earning a bigger laugh from Y/N. “you think it’s funny baby” Grayson asked nipping at her ear.

He didn’t get a response.

“That’s what i thought”

Grayson began to kiss her neck, starting below her jawline earning a whimper. “i’m going to fuck you so hard against this table”

After playing with her pussy a little and the begging moans stopped he placed the tip of his cock at her entrance.

“Please daddy”

“so good”

Without warning, Grayson thrusted forwards into his in one movement.

“o-oh fuck” Y/N whimpered her hands in his hair. Grayson pounded into her relentlessly.

“feel so good”

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

Text

Neutralise the escapee

summary: quarantined with your boyfriend meant putting up with their idiocy and chicken - but enough care and affection and laughs to make it worth it.

any feedback would be v appreciated :))

The world wasn’t right at the moment. A pandemic of a deadly virus had brought life to a standstill, barely allowed to leave your homes apart from food shopping and exercising once a day. Your boyfriend Tom had had filming for his new movie postponed, as well as pretty much everyone else you knew either working from home - or not working at all. But not you. You were a doctor on an intensive care ward so as everyone else was getting bored out of their minds, you had never ever been busier.

Home was weird. You had moved in with Tom for the duration of lockdown since as you were exposed to the virus at work you weren’t allowed to live with your grandmother who was ‘vulnerable’. Obviously, you’d stayed over at his place multiple times in the past, but living with him? That was something else - mainly because you weren’t just living with him. You had Harry and Harrison to contend with also. After every shift, you’d return to the house and wait for whatever chaos they had caused that day.

One day it was suddenly acquiring three chickens. Another was a short film being made. Another was Harry’s room being completely covered with toilet paper - which you had kicked off at a little, there was a shortage for god sake!

But it was also hilarious and you loved almost every single second there. It was nice to spend some quality time with Haz and Harry, you felt like slowly they were becoming some of your best friends too - and they would happily agree to that too.

Today though you knew you couldn’t deal with it. After having possibly the worst night shift of your life, where you had cried at least three times and had stayed 4 hours overtime that you knew you would never get paid for. You had seen an extortionate amount of death today - you’d had to break bad news to too many families who weren’t even allowed to hold their relative's hand as they had slipped away. You were traumatised, as well as emotionally and physically exhausted. Yeh death was a part of your work, but no one should ever ever be exposed to that much.

So as you turned the spare key in the lock and let yourself into the house, you had to breathe a sigh of relief. You could hear all their faint voices in the garden, which meant no one was pestering you and you could avoid them. Shuffling quickly into the lounge, which was the door nearest to the entrance. It wasn’t especially decorated since the open plan kitchen diner was where everyone spent the majority of the time. The lounge was more understated, cream everywhere, with a carpet that hadn’t been hoovered in a horrifyingly long time. But it was cosy and warm, and you allowed yourself to flop onto the couch feeling yourself sink deeply into the aged cushions. As pathetic as it sounded, it felt like a hug that you desperately needed, so taking full advantage you lay down and curled up on your side; head nestled into the back cushion. Tom would of more than happily showered you in hugs and affection if you asked or so much as told him you were in the house, but you didn’t want to ruin his day too and right now you were too exhausted for any social interaction. Mind-wandering at the thought of your boyfriend's gentle care, you really didn’t mean to fall asleep in a common room that any of them could walk into.

///////////////////

“TOOMMM”

“Harry for the last time I don’t fucking know where your camera is” Tom’s voice was raised, frustrated at his brothers incessant whinging. They were trying to assemble some sort of run for their chickens, but the whole time Harry had been preoccupied with the camera which had apparently vanished off the kitchen island.

“You looking for your camera? Swear it’s in the lounge?” Harrison nonchalantly added to the conversation, having drowned out most of the brothers' arguments as he sat scrolling through his phone. Tom just leant up and stared at his best mate in a giving-up sort of way.

“All this time… while he’s been screaming at me?” Harrison just laughed in his face and nodded at him. Tom looked up to the sky in defeat, shoulders dropping as he squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. That was the common theme of quarantine - he constantly was frustrated to the point of killing his brother and best mate.

Harry left the two in the garden, following Haz’s direction to be reunited with the lost camera, which to him was like losing an arm. He walked with some pace but abruptly stopped when he had already stepped one foot into the room as his eyes fell upon you. He couldn’t really see the girls figure properly, your petite frame curled up around itself blocking her face from view, but from the slow and steady motion of your chest, he knew you were fast asleep. Forgetting about the camera, which was most certainly in his direct view - sat in the middle of the coffee table in the middle of the room - he turned to go back to his brother.

“Tom.”

“Harry I swear I don’t care about your bloody camer-“

“Did you know Y/n is back?”

“What did she just get back? She was on a night so… oh she should have been back like this morning.” Tom’s cheeks blushed guilty, realising in all the chicken excitement he’d forgotten about his girlfriend. It was 1 o’clock now, she should’ve been back by 9 latest.

“She’s asleep in the lounge,” Harry stated rather matter of factly, shrugging his shoulders as he picked up the wire that they were making a make-shift chicken fence out of.

“You forgot about your girlfriend.. not cool man” Harrison laughed, choosing to listen to this conversation out of all the ones he could’ve actually been useful in.

“Fuck off” Tom just muttered as he went inside to check on her.

//////////////////////

Walking into the room, Tom sighed affectionately at the sight before him. Y/n was still in deep blue scrubs, and her hair had been pulled out of the high ponytail she normally wore for work, meaning y/h/c whisps fell over her face. He really didn’t want to disturb his girl, but she needed proper rest in an actual bed - the short sofa didn’t compare. So he perched on the side of the sofa, making it dip slightly. Yet this elicited no reaction from Y/n, making Tom raise an eyebrow. Normally Y/n was a light sleeper, it meant he had to do some intricate dance out of bed if he needed the toilet in the night to not disturb you - which nearly always failed too, she would just start giggling at his weird movements, very much awake.

“Hey, gorgeous…Y/n….Y/n?” Speaking softly Tom lovingly stroked a hand up and down her upper arm, trying to rouse her. Eventually, as if his words took a snail's pace to reach his ears Y/n let out a small huff and turned around so now she was at least facing Tom, her eyes still locked completely shut.

“Hey come on love… you need some food in you and then bed… Y/n?” This time his voice was most definitely louder and stronger, and his gentle stroking became much more of a shake. He was impressed by how much it took to wake her up, the poor thing must be exhausted. And to be fair, she did look it. Her light makeup was practically all worn off, but he could still see the little imprints of her face mask on the skin of her cheeks. Her eyes looked more sunken than normal and some of her black mascara was smudged below her bottom eyelid - Tom was pretty sure that wasn’t a stylistic choice. With a huff and a groan, heavy heavy eyes blinked open and she scowled up at Tom for disturbing her, before actually realising who it was and a little closed-lipped smile grew on her face. As she took a deep breath and stretched her arms above her head Tom spoke up.

“Tough day huh?”

“Mmmhm… the worst… I just need to sleep I think” Her voice was hoarse, not only from sleep but also from the constant shouting throughout her working night.

“That we agree on… but not before you have a sandwich or something”

“Tom I-“ Her voice was small, she didn’t have any willpower left to argue.

“No complaints… I’ll make you something while you go to the loo and wash your face okay?”

“Okay,” She whispered, as Tom pulled her up with his hand and pecked her lips, bringing a small smile to her face again.

Minutes later the two sat silently in Toms room, Y/n leaned up against Tom’s chest as she nibbled on the ham and cheese sandwich he’d made for her - even using her special cheese that normally he wasn’t allowed to touch.

“You want to talk about it?” Tom spoke so quietly, and she could tell it was hesitantly too. He didn’t want to push her too far but knew holding this all in couldn’t be good for her. In response she abruptly shook her head against his chest, Tom feeling Y/n’s whole body turn rigid. He just comforted her and said it was okay, using his arm wrapped around her to pull her closer to him making her body relax once again. Gently taking the plate from her grasp, he made them both lean further back on the cushions, knowing she wouldn’t eat anymore ( even if all she’d managed was barely a quarter).

“I’ll stay till your asleep okay?” He mumbled into her ear as she pressed herself tightly into his side, nuzzling her face into his chest.

“Thank you” It was barely audible but Tom smiled sadly at her sentiment, all the while running his fingers through her hair below him.

/////////////////////////

Tom had left you about an hour ago, thinking you were asleep, but it felt like years. You didn’t want to ruin his whole day making him sit beside you. But the truth is you couldn’t sleep. No matter how exhausted you were, it was near impossible to shut your mind off now. All you could think about were the events of the night before. Throwing your head back in sheer frustration, what you didn’t realise that actually, you were throwing your head back on to the hard wooden headboard. Now you couldn’t sleep and you may have caused yourself brain damage. “Great” you muttered while lightly rubbing the insulted back of your head.

That was it - you couldn’t lie in this room confined with your thoughts anymore. Sighing with defeat, you pulled yourself up, wiping under your eyes to get rid of any remaining tears. Grabbing your trackies and Tom’s oversized grey jumper you changed then headed out.

If anything was going to distract you from the horrible intrusive thoughts it was probably the sight that met you as you stood at the back door, leaning on the door frame with your arms crossed.

“HARRY get over there we’re trying to corner him!”

“But then he’ll just go over there”

“No, he won’t div because I’ve got it … right Tom move that way”

“I know what I’m doing Haz. Everyone just moves forward now, Harry lift your arms up”

The three were all trying to herd one of the chickens into a corner, who seemingly was proving harder to catch than the other two who were confined to the wire pen and chicken house situated at the far side of the garden.

“Okay okay… no sudden movements” As the three edged toward the lone bird Tom quickly glared at the others with his orders - as though he was the expert chicken keeper, which he most certainly was not. It was all looking so promising, till the bird turned to Harry (probably spying the weakest) and without any further notice, did some chicken leap and flapped its wings aggressively. Harry ducked to the ground as a reflex and the bird flew over the top of him and ran away.

“FUCK HARRY” “YOU TWAT”

“I don’t want to die by chicken beak to the eye !” Harry shouted indignantly back and you lost all control of the laughter you were desperately trying to suppress, making the three all turn toward you. “You didn’t see that did you” Harry groaned, standing up whilst looking at her almost desperately.

“You are never living that down Harry Holland” You smiled, Harry responding by holding his middle finger up as he turned away and retreated into the garden.

“What are you doing up love?” Tom ignored his idiot brother and walked toward his you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Yeh no offence Y/n/n but you look like shit”

“Thanks, Harrison that’ll be all” Tom shot him a warning look as he sent his friend away, even if you just chuckled at Haz’s statement - at least it came from a place of love. Haz just gave you a little wink before turning round to aid Harry with the still escapee chicken. Tucking a strand of your slightly matted hair behind your ear, Tom looked deep into the y/e/c before him. “He’s not wrong though darling, you need sleep”

“Wow thanks so much” Rolling your eyes playfully, you desperately tried to feign happiness while Tom looked piercingly at you, as if into your soul.

“I know you’ve been crying I’m the actor here” He joked, yet sounding very serious throughout. You looked down, annoyed and ashamed he had caught you out, making a surge of guilt wash over him again. “Look once we’ve neutralised the escapee why don’t the four of us just stick on a movie hey?” That did sound ideal but you couldn’t just nod and agree after he just said ‘neutralise the escapee’ meaning ‘catch the chicken’.

“I’m going to pretend I never heard you sat that” He knew exactly what you meant. “but the movie sounds good… now let me get the chicken for you idiots.”

Shock. On your first attempt, unaided, in one fell swoop, the bird was under your arm - leaving the three boys gaping at you.

“Oh come on. It is just a chicken, not some super villain needing capture.” Their uselessness was almost comical. Sure - they were talented actors, photographers and models. But common sense? They were probably in the minus numbers.

////////////////////////////

Settled on the sofa, blanket tucked around your small frame, head resting on Tom’s lap as he subconsciously ran his fingers through your hair, you both knew that you weren’t going to stay awake for long. Harrison and Harry were quietly squabbling about where the boundary between their spaces on the opposing sofa was, making you giggle a little as your brain tuned out and the bickering absorbed into the background. Humming slightly you pushed your head firmly into Tom’s thigh as you nuzzled into him, breathing in his safe and familiar scent. You were just aware enough to hear his kind deep voice whisper “I love you.”

#tomholland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff

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filmsandlattes · 3 years ago

Text

post shoot breakdown

I’m way too wired after our shoot wrap to relax and feel its good to get it all out while it’s fresh. Here is my post shoot breakdown which will be followed by another post crit breakdown. We shot for three days for roughly 6-7 hours each day. We filmed in five locations with five cast members. Below I will breakdown the process and feelings I had working with the various departments throughout production.

Head of Production

Ben was really great to work with and he did push us to keep a good pace and keep an efficient work flow while he worked as 1st AD on set. He also had good insights as the editor. As a producer he worked hard to get everything together. We did finish early some days which is a good and bad thing but I’m too tired to figure out the scale! I’m most grateful that he let me just be a director most of the time. In almost all the projects I’ve been on, including last term’s Sceptic, I take on the 1st AD and PA role as well as the director’s role. Ben insisted I get to focus on giving direction which the team worked to make happen and working with the actors. He had great insights and helped out in the camera department and brought on his friend to help us out as PA which was much appreciated.

We had a lot of moving circles but most of all a lot of actors! We provided lunches and will be reimbursing cast costs like travel at the end of production so goodbye to what’s left in my dwindling bank account!

Health and safety included working conditions and its something very important to me. As much as we need to be efficient and work hard, we are also humans with our own capacity and needs. We need good working conditions for our peers and cast and so lunch breaks and crew comfort was essential and something I fought for regardless of the schedule.

Cinematography

Mary worked really hard as DoP and camera operator, especially with the janky tripods she had to use! I think we both have very different styles when it comes to aesthetics and that was interesting. But she always took on my feedback and I took on hers! I also let her go a bit ham with some of the inserts etc which I’m sure look lovely (I trust her!). But I am so picky about things like camera movement (which should be motivated) and framing but we worked well and collaborated well. I prefer having things on sicks rather than hand held- I think hand held is good for moments like tension or chaos- but in several cases we had to throw out the sticks and go for hand held for reasons like tripods being hazards on pavements (boo!). Let’s see how it looks stitched together...

Our most challenging shot/ sequence was the whip pan in the climax scene. It was hard but Ben and Jack stuck their heads down with Mary and made it happen. Let’s see how it looks in post and what we can learn from the outcome. I will note that we did NOT get standard close ups or mid shots... just a wide and then the whip pans plus some inserts.... let’s pray it works out!

The lighting of the film is mostly natural lighting which I’m so pleased about it- we were lucky that the days we chose to shoot were sunny bright days.

Sound

Jenny was our super chic sound guru. The day we did our sound tests at our original stairwell location, all we could hear was traffic noise and Jenny talked to Zoe who said our first port of call was to change location. Luckily Jenny’s building is quiet and away from a main road so we used that. We were lucky it also had a skylight on the roof like Jack’s building! On set she was very organised and had a keen ear. She was really on the ball. We’ve exchanged notes on sound design and I’m super excited to get creative with her in post. We want to get our actor Harvey into screen academy to get a close voice over to transition the sound from his monologue on screen and give it some gravity.

I have reached out to a composer about scoring for our film who seems keen but I need to follow up on my email and confirm his involvement. Fingers crossed!

Production Design

The production design is a huge part of the film and I had a very distinct vision for it. My pinterest board (link in previous blog) was essential in communicating my directing for sets and costume. We all provided things for the set and costume- I brought in many of my notebooks and props from home (me and Anne like similar decorative things it seems). Lucy brought some books and things for the wall (my favourite thing she did was the tarot cards in the shape of a sun- genius!). Jack has a whole library in his home so provided many books also.

I liaised with actors to curate their wardrobe which on the day Lucy mixed and matched together- she also did some fun make-up to make Anne look ill which was great. Jenny also had some beautiful ornaments for us to use which were perfect- I loved the carved crescent moon! I was so pleased there was a hook above the seat by the window; I knew it just had to go there to sit above Anne’s head!! Our biggest concern was getting shoes for Anne but I put out the bat signal via the group chat and we managed to get some beaten up converse (thank you Bethany!) which Lucy collected. Jack provided his lovely typewriter which was brilliant.

Production design here was a huge stroke of luck on many fronts; the things we had in our homes really did the job and fit perfectly. I loved helping set up James’ study. Lucy and I worked closely together to get that together and I think it looks lush. Our main hurdle was the big metal sign on Jenny’s door that belongs to the rental company. It was screwed on and there was no elegant way to cover it or remove it so we had to frame our characters carefully to hide it out of shot.

Writer

I wanted to respect Jacks’s work by being as faithful as I could on set. It was really difficult to breakdown the script since so many of the shots we storyboarded aren’t actually in the script which is mostly monologue. I had to fill in a lot of the visual gaps in the script. This caused some confusion with scheduling and keeping track of our logging. If I were to do this differently I would send Jack notes and ask him to add them to the script so we could break them down straight from there. In many instances people would ask me what part of the script we were filming and it got very confusing since it got hard to tell since I had to gesture to sentences in the monologue which alluded to what was on screen! I was just trying to put images to words.

The only major changes that were made were when we were improvising or filming for montage scenes. I got to be creative with that which I really appreciated. Jack was very supportive of that which was a relief.

Some dialogue had to be amended due to lack of prop cigarettes. Most significantly altered (though still not by much) was the scene in which Charlie and Anne speak. I noticed that the reason why Charlie goes back to uni because of Anne wasn’t coming through and Jack agreed so he added in some lines. Additionally there were amendments to add more natural flow to the conversation which is a pivotal scene in showing Anne’s impact on those around her as well as her own consistent hope through trial.

It was great having Jack on set as script supervisor with his writers helmet coming on when needed. He gave great feedback and ideas which I took on board.

Cast

For me it was very important as a WOC and one of the only POC in our year to create spaces for inclusion. I have power as a director, even on a student film, to make sure the films I work on create opportunity for other POC when whiteness is so often the default. I’m pleased to say our female casts was comprised entirely of talented Woman of Colour.

I was very happy to work with Iman Akhtar who I first worked with on the BFI Film Academy short I wrote and directed at GMAC. She initially auditioned for Penelope (as did Kike who now plays Charlie) but I asked her to read as Anne. She was perfect. Feminine and sweet but human and vulnerable. I asked her why she didn’t audition as Anne and she said that she just hit too close to home. Iman was brilliant and barely needed any notes from me. She just understood who Anne was and played her so naturally.

Kike is an acting student at Napier and I worked with her to create Charlie’s initially awkward and introverted personality that warms up to Anne’s unabashed warmth. We had thrown our actors into the deep-end by filming the climax first on day 1. They had not yet gotten to know each other but on day 3 her and Iman had really bonded and we could see their character’s friendship translate on screen. And so we did a pick up of Charlie calling the ambulance again with just that bit more known intimacy and alarm that comes from seeing a friend in distress. Both Kike and Iman coped so well with the improv and changed lines we threw at them last minute.

Sarah initially auditioned for Anne but when asked to play as Penelpe, she played her with such delicious villainy that I snapped her up as Penelope. I initially had the idea of Penelope being a ‘nice’ sounding person who was out of touch and selfish without being overtly aggressive but watching Sarah’s performance was a nice turn. I accepted it and decided that to make her human we needed to see her face when we see Anne collapse. She looks alarmed and concerned. She’s a human after all, not a bougie goblin from hell. I had two concerns when casting Penelope. First of all, I did not want to perpetuate the on going ‘angry woman of colour’ trope. I was very aware of this issue. Additionally I don’t want it to seem that fashionable, put together, and pretty girls are bitchy- here it is more about class and lack of empathy and understanding for those that are not privileged in the way others are. I don’t know if that comes across but we’ll see.

Alex played our wonderful Jackson and I worked with Alex to build his romantic lead persona on screen. Alex is naturally friendly and charming which we played up with directed use of body language. I think he is a very sweet Jackson and he has very good on screen chemistry with Iman that is just tooth aching.

Harvey was our James Skidder and he was brilliant. he sent in his self tape and I cast him right away. He brings such drama and gravity to Skidder but brought it down a touch when asked. He had the whole monologue memorised and is a writer/director himself. He said he enjoyed very much working with us and that we were very professional and friendly! I think on screen it seems like he is very much just the chill ever watching being looming over his little world and I like that. He plays James as omniscient and collected but brings a real gravitas when he speaks. I kind of like that contrast and how it looks.

Myself

I kind of hate working with myself. I’m my worst critic but I also know I am a very creative person with a clear vision that often has a lot of ideas (along with many flaws). I really relied on my crew to get the technical stuff done. I really struggled with group friction (which is natural) and I really struggled with burn out. In the end we’ll see what has worked and what hasn’t and what’s important is that I just keep learning without pride.

I loved leading my morning huddles with the cast and crew to set the day off with a bang. I loved getting a satisfying frame and seeing a performance make me feel something. I loved seeing the script finally come to life and I loved that I enjoyed many moments of it along with the stress. I’m grateful my peers and friends were there for me and took care of me the way I try to take care of them. Everyone kept telling me I’m doing a good job but I just can’t tell. I honestly don’t know if I’m a good director or not. But I am trying. Trying to be patient and open, trying to be a motivator as well as a leader. Trying to be professional and kind, assertive but open to ideas. No one tells you if you’re doing it right though.

Most importantly, everyone worked so hard that I’m in awe. We made a movie!

#film adaption

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vminity21 · 4 years ago

Text

Forgive Me | ksj

Pairing: Actor!Seokjin X CoHost!Reader, actor!au

Genre: angst/fluff

Warning(s): smut, shower sex, oral (f receive), quite handsy, nipple play, mention of infidelity, angst, strong use of language, mention of alcohol, Rated: R

Word Count: 12.9k

Summary: One mistake can change someone’s life in the blink of an eye which is what you will discover after sleeping with the enticing and handsome Kim Seokjin. When an unwanted scandal breaks loose, it can ruin both of your careers as you know it. As Seokjin fights for your forgiveness, you not only learn to forgive him, but you learn to forgive yourself.

- Book One of the BTS Actor Series -

The frigid wind of winter nips your nose the moment you step foot outside. Bundled in many layers of clothing, your black, trench coat being most prominent, you shove your mitten hands in the front pockets, eyes scanning the clear path ahead. Leafless trees decorate the sides of the road sparsely while the grayish hue of the sky sprinkles few snowflakes onto the earth. You’ve never minded the cold weather though some find you insane for it; yet, you quicken your pace, urging for the destination you have in mind: the park. It’s not like you have anything else to do with your life other than writing an article about a film, or a critique on the food you’ve tried, or anything involving your opinion, which you’ve learned to embrace despite the backlash that may come with it.

Your dream, however, is to be in the spotlight, but not in the way others may think. Cameras angling in your direction as you stand alongside the main host- you can see yourself comedically mingling with every celebrity that guest stars the same as the skits you’d help direct or even feature in. Late night hosting has been something you’ve tried dabbling in, though callbacks for any auditions haven’t been received just yet. A warm sigh brushes past your lips at the anxiety you try to suppress. You can’t give up that easily, and you won’t. For now, under a pen name, you’ll remain writing critiques until a definite answer is established.

The slow roll of a car distracts you momentarily bringing a sense of comfort mixed in with prodding footsteps against the sidewalk. You moved to the city to achieve great things which lead you to find the magazine company you currently work for, and even now, with scattered thoughts, you can’t shake the lonely feeling within your chest. Your friends, of whom you left behind, not because you wanted to, but because of this job, you rarely get to visit. The same goes for your parents, which you’ve held a burden of guilt for because you also have not seen them since they helped you move to your vacant apartment.

Continuing down the line of vision, the grass has dimmed greatly since fall. The welcoming sign of the park passes your peripherals, the crunch of gravel beneath your shoes being the only sound you hear other than the gentle breeze. There’s an opening ahead, one that you’ve grown familiar with, where the trees break enough to reveal a glistening lake- one that ripples beneath the cloudy sky- serenading serenity to your soul once you edge closer to it.

Finding a tree, you nestle your shoulder against it whilst folding your arms across your chest, inhaling the crude scent of mud covering the rocks circling the brim of the water. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve traveled here, but with the exhaustion of being cooped up in your apartment, you longed for a different view. Time passes, but how much, you are uncertain; merely being lost in nature is all you’re enchanted by.

“Gorgeous isn’t it?”

A deep voice catches you off guard prompting you to whip your head around to the intruder who plagued your thumping heart. A quiet gasp escapes your mouth with the unexpected unraveling of the most handsome stranger you’ve ever come across. Rendered speechless, your eyes scape the dark jeans covering slim legs that lead to a gray hoodie hanging loosely off broad shoulders to now resting upon the pointed jaw that shines with full, pink lips parted in a side smile. His brown eyes never move their hold upon the soothing lake, and yet, you can’t seem to take your eyes off the way his jet, black hair parts upon his forehead. Attraction seeps within your bones and when he peers down at you- abruptly you avert your stare whilst the burning sensation of a blush dawns your cheeks and chest.

“It is,” you muse, noticing the crisp smell of cologne wafting in your direction, “How often do you come here?” The question rolls off your tongue, yet the curiosity is evident in your tone, especially since you haven’t seen him frequent this area the times that you have.

“Just this past week,” he slides his hands within his pockets, “I just moved here not too long ago,”

“What do you do?” To get a better visual of the fellow, you turn enough to where your back rests against the tree versus your shoulder, him rolling back on his heels while a quick draw of breath is seen within the air.

“I’m an actor,” he wets his lips, “Or, at least trying to be. I have an audition tomorrow morning, actually,” he nods, “But, I do a bit of cooking on the side, too,”

Impressed by his answer, it’s been a while since you’ve done this particular, but you attempt at a subtle flirt, “Well, that’s very dashing I must admit,”

Handsome Fellow chuckles, bowing his head enough to where you notice the reddened tips of his ears, “I’m Kim Seokjin by the way. Some call me Jin,” he offers a large hand, “And, what is your name and what do you do?”

Accepting his handshake, you reply, “I’m [Y/N], a columnist for a magazine company living my best life here in the city,” it takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re still shaking his hand prompting you to awkwardly return your hand into your coat pocket- the red tinge of your cheeks still present.

“Well [Y/N], a columnist for a magazine company living your best life, I am very honored to meet you,” Seokjin slightly bows- something in his eyes mesmerizing you to the point that you refrain from staring into them. Clearing his throat, he looks down at you timidly, “So um,” he begins, “Would you like to take a walk?”

Before you can blink, you’re up against the wall, your legs wrapped around him, one arm on his bare shoulders while the other tangles within his hair.

It hadn’t taken any words.

Especially with the way his brown eyes swept your figure from top to bottom, your teeth grazing your bottom lip nearly flattered by his eloquent smirk. Both of you knew exactly what the other was thinking, your core tightening with the desire to know what it’s like to be with him. Only meeting several hours ago, he’s become impossible to resist- drawing you in almost instantly even with the tempting whiff of his cologne, his aura igniting a lust you haven’t experienced in a long, deprived while.

In one swift motion, his hands rapidly gripped your waist, pinning you against the black railing of his front porch, seizing your lips with his, your hand flying to the back of his head just to clutch soft, frilly tufts of dark hair. The tug brought a low moan to his mouth causing him to press his hips into yours, the feel of his erection nearly bringing you to your knees. Sounds of cars passing by knocked some sense into you, breaking the kiss just for Seokjin to fumble with his keys until he was able to unlock the front door with hardly a straight mind.

Slamming the door shut, Seokjin covered your cheeks with his warm, calloused palms, kissing you once again, the fast pace of his lips making you want to sex him on the spot with the strong fire burning within your heat, but there’s more to him you want to know. More of him you want to see. You helped him shed his sweatshirt, it hit the floor while he nearly ripped your coat off your shoulders, tossing it randomly to the side before he started unbuttoning your blouse- his lips pecking yours ever so softly whilst concentrating on the task at hand- getting you naked, and getting you naked on top of him. It didn’t take long until both your bodies were completely bare- kisses so addicting it’s been painstakingly hard to refrain. That’s when Jin hoisted you in the air, his arms bulging while his hands gripped your thighs- pinioning your back against the cool wall, your legs wrapped around him, one arm on his bare shoulders, the other hand in his hair.

Your soaked entrance rests against his abdomen, clenching along his skin, he groans upon your lips from the continuous actions of your heat relentlessly throbbing- begging for more. “Mmm.” You moan- lips remaining locked while his warmth embraces you. He presses his body tighter to you brushing the tip of his tongue with yours as you grip at his back, your breathing increasing with every movement of his lips. Seokjin twirls around and carries you to his bedroom crashing you on his bed, the covers indent beneath you, instinctively your hands’ grip at the fabric, the material soft between your fingers. The two of you gaze in each other’s eyes, but only for a moment, before he starts kissing you again. His hands slither up your ribcage to palm at your breasts, the ticklish feel of your nipples really drives you insane, him sucking at the smooth skin to leave trails of bruised marks for you to be reminded of when his presence isn’t around. Both of you on your knees at this point, he runs his tongue along your nipples, and without realizing, both your hands are now squeezing his shoulders, the fervor below you feels intense as he continues licking your chest. Moving your arms around his neck, you crave more of his kiss; the paradise of his skin on yours sends a violent shake to your legs, enfolding your thighs to suppress the aching, but only momentarily.

The wild inside you starts coming alive, bringing one hand to stroke his erection, his expression revealing utter ecstasy at how good you feel satisfying him; you sigh seductively into his ear, “I’ve got an idea.” If the two of you aren’t already moving fast enough, the squeaky sound of the shower starting fills you with anticipation. Both of you don’t even wait until the water is warm, Seokjin shuts the glass door then crashes his lips to yours, pinning you against the chilly shower wall- his hand wraps around your wrist, tongues flouncing, the water sweltering as it pours all over your frames. You gaze at the scene in front of you. You thought he was hot before, but with steamy water dripping down his face and through his hair, the attraction has grown immensely. Your craving for him is so strong to the point your body can’t take it.

“I think this is the best idea anyone has ever had.” He breathes, his smile meeting your ear.

“Mmm.” You moan, planting kisses along his neck and jaw then coming back to his mouth- nipping his bottom lip for a tease. “And, don’t worry, by the way, I’m on the pill,”

Desire sparks within his eyes once your hands move to slide along his chest, he follows your lead, slipping onto the ground cautiously, spreading your legs- the water heating your slit sending waves of goosebumps to invade your skin. “Ohhh, Jinnn,” you breathe, the tips of his fingers finding your clit, hastily vibrating to stimulate the bliss within your vaginal walls- you don’t expect him to, but when he lifts your legs- water showering his back, completely drenching his hair, that’s when you feel it. The slippery touch of his tongue sliding plentifully against your core not allowing you one moment to get a hold of yourself. The sensation is one you have yet to experience- intense heat of droplets panging your folds while Seokjin pleasures you with his skilled tongue, your clit pulses- relishing in the feel of his hands gripping your thighs whilst he keeps them raised- flicking his tongue into your walls, moving his fingertips to rub your clit simultaneously. Your climax is coming to its peak, your moans echoing within the shower, growing higher the moment his fingertips graze your nipples tenderly, your limbs violently shaking in response before tensing,

“Oh, shit, I’m about to come- Jin, oh fuck, Ji-” his fingers are relentless as he bites hard on his bottom lip still rubbing profusely upon your sensitive clit- his eyes darkening with the satisfaction of watching you come undone. You raise to stop him when you finally recover, panting through the downpour when you meet his questioning eyes. Smirking deviously, you turn to let his eyes enlarge at the sight of your taunting ass. Teasing him with your clenching core, Seokjin rises to rest his area behind you, bringing the tip of his penis to your entrance, his other hand gliding upon your back, while he releases an anticipated hiss; your palms placed in front of you firmly, the shower drowning out your staggered breaths once he slowly moves into you. “Ahhh,” you sigh in relief at the feel of him finally pushing- starting off slowly, in and out, his hand still spreading along the base of your back while he gradually thrusts, him nearly cumming at the undeniable warmth your heat gives off- your sodden walls coating his erection with each shove.

As the night drives on, you end up back in his bed- him thrusting roughly inside you- the feeling building and building to the point your body tenses. As you finish, so does he. “Mm baby.” You gasp. The pleasure causing both of you to crash side by side. Exhaustion hitting you after a few minutes, to your surprise, you feel his warm hand intertwine his fingers with yours causing you to look over to see him staring at you as if you’re the only girl in the world.

“What?” You manage to say, your breathing beginning to calm. His eyes still fixated on you, Seokjin gives a side grin, and as you wait for him to speak, he doesn’t. Instead, he rests his palm on your cheek, reaches over and gives you the sweetest kiss you have ever felt. It only lasts for a few seconds, but long enough to where you can feel everything. Heart melting, you touch the tip of your nose to his and turn around as he wraps his arms around you. Finally, for the first time since moving to the city, you’re thankful that you’re not sleeping alone tonight.

The morning comes faster than you wanted- your eyes struggling to flutter open while you stretch your drained limbs. Sunrays bright between the blinds of the window- dancing shadows are cast along the bed sheets while a long yawn escapes your mouth. It takes a prolonged minute for you to realize you’re not in your own bed, yet a grin tugs at the corner of your lips when you’re acceptant that nothing from last night was a dream. Back still pressed into the mattress, your eyebrows furrow when you notice your empty peripherals- Seokjin’s warmth is absent until you remember him mentioning yesterday that he has an audition this morning, so perhaps he’s practicing in another room? Maybe he’s already left? Which also pangs the question: he trusts a stranger he just met yesterday to be in his house alone?

Before deciding on if you desire to remove yourself from his bed to look for him or not, you roll to lay on your side, eyes still in the process of clearing due to just waking up. A side table welcomes your sight, and with the squinting of your eyes, you notice a round, dark object sitting upon it. Blinking a few times, you focus in on the item, choosing to reach out to grasp it between your fingertips. Once you inch it closer to your face, the blood boiling within your system runs dead cold- fingertips numbing while the horror takes over your mind before you can accurately decipher what you’ve just discovered. You’re not even given the chance to make sense of it for the click of the bedroom door opening sends your hands jolting to grasp the bed covers to your chest while panic etches upon your expression- eyes widening at the woman who now stands before you.

Her gape resumed on the ground before looking up to the sight of you- gradual anger pooling within her eyes while the sound of her purse hitting the ground from her stiffened wrist, which exposes a shiny, diamond ring, being the only thing noticeable over the fog overwhelming you and your heaving chest.

“Who. The hell. Are you,” her blood red lips sneer with gritted teeth,

“I-I,” you’re barely audible, her cold stare never leaving your shattered state. You’re butt ass naked in what you assume is this woman’s bed and she’s not the one you hooked up with last night.

“Get out,” she growls, “Get out! Get out! GET THE FUCK OUT!”

Leaping from the bed, comforter twirled around your body, the object makes a ‘ding’ sound once it dins the floor. Your heart is racing above nausea swallowing your stomach; the woman continuing to scream while you frantically gather your clothes- throwing them on as fast as you possibly can. Your shoes being the final item, you leave the bed comforter somewhere on the floor, slamming the front door behind you once everything you had with you last night is officially covering your body.

You run. You just run.

Running from the utter humiliation that you know will haunt you for the rest of your life. You don’t even know where your apartment is. You don’t even know where you’re going really. All you know is you want to be as far away from that house as you possibly can. Tears fly down your cheeks as you choke back a sob- the chilly wind drying the trails upon your pale skin.

Wherever he is, you don’t care. You don’t ever want to see him again.

Nor do you want to relive discovering his wedding ring the morning, after you thought, had been one of the most beautiful nights you’ve had in such a long time.

Two years later….

It’s unexplainable. Flashing lights colliding with your vision from the limo while security protects you until you sprint safely into the building of your job. Heels click beneath you while you saunter to your dressing room, removing the sunglasses that cover close to the entirety of your face. Perfume drowns most of your skin, and small hands fluff at your curls before retrieving makeup brushes to resume the finishing touches in preparation for the evening. Thumbing at the corner of your script, you down the last bit of the water that you packed with you, smoothing your lips together from the gloss now decorating them.

Looking in the mirror is strange, from the woman you once were to the woman you are now, you never dreamed that your goals would finally come to life. Face ornamented into one of beauty with designer clothes you would have never been able to afford until given this opportunity. Even now, it seems like your life flashed before your eyes, and here you are, the co-host of Late Night in Seoul. The familiarity of the producer’s voice echoes outside of the room prompting you to rise to your feet. The walk to the stage isn’t a long one- cheers of the audience welcome you once your hand waves in return- the main host bowing politely while you take your spot behind one of the podiums off to the side. Recalling your script, you repeat the jokes written causing the audience to laugh along- the Host eventually introducing the celebrity guest who you smile toward with eager applause.

Fame is a funny word, one you haven’t quite grasped. You’re not as famous as one could potentially be, but you are, in fact, known. Being recognized in public is a rarity, yet there are days where you are swamped with questions of where one has seen you before but can’t quite place how. Celebrities who have featured in the show know you, some personally, so at times you do get to frequent parties where the most popular names are invited; and, you’ve gotten to travel to places that accomplished checks off your bucket list.

Getting through the evening in one peace, you find yourself within the back of a dark SUV where your favorite driver Stan politely asks how your night went, as he always does, before pulling into the driveway of your home. Stare lingering on your surroundings, when the coast is clear, you thank Stan for the ride and exit the vehicle cautiously. Walking into your house, you kick off your heels almost immediately, before running your fingertips upon your thudding forehead. In an attempt to ignore the mild pain, you scamper toward the kitchen where a pile of mail sits in await of your arrival. Your mother must have checked the mail this morning for you which is something she does especially on days where you haven’t had the chance to do so; she even tidies up the house, her being retired as well as being moved closer, for something to do which you are utterly grateful for.

Compiling the mail within your palms, you move your fingers to flip through everything when a magazine cover catches you off guard to the point you toss the magazine in frustration. For once in your life, you would appreciate the haunting of his face to not appear on every printed paper known to man. Squeezing your eyes shut from the turning memory you force yourself on a daily to avoid, you bite the corner of your lip roughly, hands gripping at the counter behind you. You’ve never professed to a soul about the happenstance two years ago, and it is a secret you plan on taking with you to your grave. Guilt has never dissipated after all this time, and it seemed as though once your career blossomed into success, so had his, which stirs emotions that have been pent up to the point that you wish you had a distraction, but one never appears, which tends to happen particularly on the nights you are alone. Glimpsing over at the spot where the magazine lays sprawled among the counter, with tongue in cheek, you shake your head, picking up the magazine to then tossing it into the trashcan.

Ridding of your outfit, you progressively change into your pajamas, scurrying to your couch to curl within the corner, pulling a thin blanket over your chilled frame. Leaning further into the cushion, you let the material soothe your aching head. You haven’t dated much since. Times that you’ve tried resulted in just as much disappointment as you’ve already endured multiple times prior. Maybe it’s the broken trust you struggle with when in the presence of a stranger. A lesson you wish you would have learned sooner but didn’t. Maybe it’s the way his eyes worshipped your body the second he got you alone that just dripped the temptation of desiring the taste of him-

“Fuck,” you wince, punching the couch once in order to halt whatever memory trying to plague your overwhelmed conscious. He’s divorced now. Or, has been for some time, but he wasn’t quite famous at the time the divorce took place. Being one of the top male actors in your country, word gets around- history people dig up just to update a fucking Wikipedia page, you grimace. Co-workers consistently beg the main host to feature him on Late Night in Seoul, and your heart races with the plan of calling out if need be to prevent from spilling the dirty little secret you have with the actor no one knows you’re affiliated with. You are the one person who is the cause to the end of his marriage. And, that’s a risk you’re not willing to take.

Restless, you rise from the couch, the blanket slipping off your legs while you finish ciphering through the mail that you missed. One letter gripping your attention, you rip it open, eyes widening as an “Oh wow,” of awe leaves your lips. You’re invited to an after party for a movie that recently premiered. Kim Taehyung, the lead role of the film, happens to be the star of the gathering- a typed address catching your gaze at the corner of the paper. Maybe this is, indeed, the distraction you’ve been longing for since your return home. Besides, if you remember Kim Taehyung, he’s won multiple awards for his acting career, though you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him- and, if your judgment is possibly correct, then this party should be one of the centuries. Texting your co-workers in hopes of them joining, you whirl to face your fridge where you magnet the invitation- gleefully skipping to your room to lounge through your closet filled with evening dresses in anticipation of finding the one to match what you hope will be a gleaming night.

The pounding bass of the music vibrates throughout the premises once your stilettos greet the sidewalk. Groups of people stand among the front yard, drinks in hand, yet none of them seem to wear the faces of your work friends. Slow steps direct you into the white building that erupts the assumption that it can hold over a thousand people, and sure enough, that’s what you discover. Hordes of bodies grind upon the dance floor while the stench of the alcohol burns your nose mingled with the intense smell of marijuana. Lip-locked couples appear in every corner you escape to just to awkwardly shove through until you find a table adorned with finger foods and a blue punch you reluctantly decide to try. Munching on a cracker, you sip from your drink, letting the strong taste of liquor pool onto your tongue before swallowing with a grimace.

You have yet to recognize a single individual before you, not even the sight of Kim Taehyung, the host himself, has yet to make his appearance from what you’re aware of. Eventually, tired of standing alone next to the cheese cubes you’re tempted to eat, you make your way toward the entrance in need of a breath of fresh air. It’s then, while you brush past the bustles of people swaying along the dance floor, your eyes pause upon a familiar silhouette- one that momentarily gaps you enough to squint your eyes. When gazes meet, his expression changes into one of sheer shock which mirrors the way your eyes enlarge when it dawns on you just who you’re staring at- heart-pounding viciously when your breathing increases. It’s as if you’re frozen in time- nausea rearing within your gut which awakens you enough to turn on a heel- throwing away your punch on the way out.

The cool breeze hits you the moment you rush out the front doors, ignoring the curious looks of the strangers you brisk past- the awful feeling of being followed is the last thing you want to feel, your pace speeding up when, in the distance, you notice a clearing far enough to where the party wouldn’t be evident. In desperate determination, you precariously saunter in the direction, not even sure how to run with the pressure of not destroying the stilettos or damaging your ankle if one wrong step is made. It doesn’t take much before you register the pounding steps behind you, a frantic voice calling your name, the feeling of your phone vibrating within your clutch which causes you to squeeze your eyes shut with tears of frustration brimming- your steps slowing into a halt. You don’t want to see him. You don’t want to talk to him. You just don’t want to be here anymore.

“[Y/N]! [Y/N]! Wait, please!”

The bottom of shoes scuffles against the cement a few feet behind you while you shudder in fear. Eyes still closed, your shoulders tense from the proximity of the one person who you’ve mastered avoiding for two whole years- and, yet, you can’t face him. Not like this. Not now. Not ever. He’s out of breath from what your ears are picking up on, and he respectfully maintains his distance from you, your grip on your clutch tightening until your fingertips are a shade of white. “[Y/N]-”

“What the fuck are you doing here,” you sneer while the corner of your jaw clenches. Considering how famous he is, you vaguely remember the movie that jumpstarted his success, and you are semi-familiar with the co-stars who followed in the same direction. So, maybe it’s not necessarily a coincidence that he happens to be at this specific party? And, here you are, wanting to kick yourself for not even considering the possibility. You figure he must be confused with the way he stutters to reply, making mention he’s celebrating a movie he’s in, which sends your eyebrows furrowing with jumbled questions now plaguing your mind. The movie he’s in? “Okay? So then, what the fuck do you want,”

“I was- I was hoping we could- we could talk,”

Robotically, you gradually turn to face him battling the urge to cry from the anger rising beneath your chest, “Talk?” You ask incredulously, your body trembling from the anxiety attacking your system. You’re not wanting to see his handsome face, who’s eyes plead for your glance, conscious’ sharing the same memory that equally has haunted the pair of you unremittingly. Nothing about him has changed, you’ve gathered even from two years ago, and neither has the constant image of her face. The humiliation you experienced that day resurfaces, especially when the picture of her eyes discovering you underneath her covers while tepid anger darkened her irises along with the screaming for you to leave- suffocates you just as much as the dismay you felt finding his wedding ring that had been right beside you all night without your knowledge. “What happened to talking two years ago, huh? You had plenty of opportunity. You could have fucking told me you were married. Who the hell do you think you are?”

Seokjin winces from the cutting edge of your words, bowing his head ashamed before speaking, “I-I know, but if I would have told you-”

“You wouldn’t have gotten fucked,”

Panic widens his brown eyes while your heartbeat hammers to the point you can feel it in your temples, “No- No, I- That’s not what I’m saying. [Y/N], it wasn’t like that,”

“Wasn’t like that? Then what the hell was it, Jin? There’s no excuse. You had a wife!”

“I know,” the shame is too apparent to go unnoticed and with the rough scape of his palms colliding with his face, he gathers his bearings, raising his arms as if to calm you, yet you take a step back, refusing to let him inch any closer, “Just- just please hear me out.” Your shoulders remain tense, yet you’re frozen in place while he stammers, “Look, I- I know there’s no excuse for what happened. I don’t even know what else to say other than I’m sorry,” even the memory leading up to that rendezvous of the night seems to make an appearance causing your heart to turn with sadness you wish would dissipate into another universe, “I tried reaching out, but I never got a reply and I knew why, and I understood why, and I would do anything to take it all back if I could.”

Folding your arms tightly across your chest, you stare at the pavement below with lips pressed firmly together. It’s hard to ignore the chemistry that began the adventure to the coffee shop that day- jokes exuberating laughter that had warmth following even through the cold wind as well as the passion of his dream of acting being told to you while you shared your hopes and dreams with him. Two strangers. Just two strangers who felt as though the stars aligned for the both of you, yet your heart didn’t expect reality to come knocking, reminding you that everything is not always what it seems. And, that’s where the betrayal sets in- tears forming, the clench of your jaw is firming from having to fight the urge to cry.

“I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I’m so sorry that I never told you. And, I am so sorry for what I did,”

It’s all coming back to you at once, and here you are still speechless. You can’t even look at him nor retain your emotions. How can someone who seemed so wonderful do what he did and think a simple ‘sorry’ would make everything better? In the end, he got what he wanted, while your side resulted with the scarlet letter of humiliation- her face will forever be embedded in your mind, and you wish you had the bravery to reach out to her, wherever she is. If anyone needs forgiveness, it’s you. Not him. Though in your heart you feel as though you will never deserve it, but ultimately, you will do anything to tell her that you’re sorry. Silence gripped the conversation a little longer than you realized, and with the profuse buzzing of your cellphone, your thoughts disperse the moment you hear Seokjin softly say your name, “[Y/N]?”

Tears rest upon your cheeks now which you immediately swipe away, sniffling before your pained expression meets his. There’s nothing in this world you want more than peace. Peace from this endless torture of a secret you have buried so deep within your soul- you blame yourself. You blame yourself for being so blind- and, standing here, before the man who destroyed your hope in what could have been- you step forward, “It’s her you should be apologizing to. Not me,”

“[Y/N]-”

Brushing past him, your heels stomp furiously beneath you, and your fingers fumble upon the screen in the goal of calling Stan. Whispered curse words slip from your mouth once the call ends, Stan only being fifteen minutes away from your location. Text messages decorate the majority of your notifications, and upon opening the group chat, embarrassment continues to flood your countenance while your eyes scan each message.

Taylor [7:21pm]: Hey, where are you??

Emmi [7:32pm]: Girl, we boutta meet Taehyung!!!! Get your ass out here!

M [7:46pm]: We’ll get you a drink just let us know where you are

Cody [7:48pm]: Are you already drunk? I scoped the restrooms and I don’t hear any puking

You can’t bring yourself to reply, so, therefore, you don’t- immediately shoving into the SUV the second Stan parks. You’re not surprised when Emmi tries to call, so with snuffling just enough to rid of the evidence of crying, you briefly answer, avoiding the concern glances Stan gives from the rearview mirror. It’s hard to hear your friend’s voice over the phone especially with how loud the music drowns the phone line, yet you assure her you’re fine- your excuse being that you’ve gained quite the migraine and that sleeping it off will be the cure.

And once Stan drops you off, that’s exactly what you do. Removing your makeup as well as your heels, the relief your feet feel once they meet your carpet as well as your figure from the tight dress you chose to wear this evening, you switch your ringer off and charge it on the desk away from your bed, refusing to even look at it. Numb limbs sliding under the covers, you let your pillowcase be the source of soaking your tears, wondering if life could get any worse than this.

Weakness dribbles its way along your body while you feebly stretch, greeting the morning with the same yawn, and the same aura of wanting to return to sleep, especially when the reminder of the night before seems to return in full force once again. This time, not wanting to ponder any further, thrusting the covers off your perspired frame to waltzing into the restroom, you brush your teeth before throwing on a simple outfit for the day- deciding to sit in front of your laptop before checking your phone.

It’s the strange feeling you have when your furrowed eyebrows stare at the device, screen blank as though it’s imitating your expression. It’s not long before you decide to check your messages, questions spinning the moment you see your screen light up with even more notifications than when you left the party.

Taylor [9:58am]: Okay, you have some explaining to do. How could you NOT tell us about this? Boss is gonna freak!

Cody [10:05am]: You know this is going to get brought up at work right. Boss isn’t going to let this go

Typing a message- You [10:06am]: Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to ditch you last night. I promise everything is fine. What do you mean boss is going to freak? Did I forget to send him the next idea for the skit with Son Ye-jin? Send.

Emmi [10:06am]: I should have known the paps were going to crash Taehyung’s party. What the fuck were you thinking [Y/N]????

“What… the hell?” Confusion borders every ounce of your being because you’re uncertain as to why your co-workers are involving the conversation about your boss. Only a second passing after you sent your message, the phone screen lights up with a call from Taylor.

“Hello?” You answer immediately, your tone in an obvious fright.

“[Y/N]?” Taylor’s sound reflects the same panic. Maybe it’s because she’s not completely sure if you’re okay? So, yet again, you proceed to reassure her,

“Hey… Sorry about last night, something came up-”

“Yeah, the migraine? I’m aware, but whatever you do, do not Google yourself,”

“What?” Sitting at the edge of your chair, your words are barely audible, dying off your tongue while your heart skips a beat. “Taylor, what do you mean? Why the hell would I Google myself-”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on exactly, but pictures of you got leaked from the party last night,”

Pictures? Why would pictures of you be leaked to the press from Taehyung’s party? The only thing that happened that is remotely possible, revealing itself in your muddled brain, is the encounter with Seokji-

“Holy shit,” fear consumes you while your breathing increases, “No. No, no, no, no,” this can’t be happening.

“[Y/N]? [Y/N], are you there?”

“I have to go,”

Ending the call abruptly, your phone falls from your shaking hands while your widened gape remains upon the laptop in front of you. You’re clueless to how long you remain frozen, engaging with the burning question- the one that you keep asking on repeat. Clicking your laptop on, it loads until your login pops up- one by one you tap the keys until your password successfully unlocks to your desktop. Swallowing the lump in your throat- quivering fingertips eventually expose yourself upon the screen- the blurry pictures showing two frames- one being Seokjin, the other you- in a clear argument- even capturing the moment where he buried his face in his hands- and yet, you’re appalled by how close the paparazzi must have been, considering how you can’t believe you had been too upset to notice your surroundings.

Zoning to more pictures, there’s Taehyung- huge smile plastered beside other famous faces- showing the sweaty bodies dancing on the floor- others nearly showing the location just from the angle they took of the house itself. The pain in your gut nearly floors you when you scroll a few inches to discover numerous articles- the main topic printing your name in bold letters.

Kim Seokjin from the recent movie, It’s Definitely You, had an affair on now ex-wife-

A small video off to the side reveals a news broadcaster, her voice echoing while your ears tune in to the horrid sound, “[Y/L/N] [Y/F/N], Co-Host of Late Night in Seoul and Kim Seokjin from It’s Definitely You seem to have a feud regarding the affair on his now ex-wife-”

Kim Seokjin furious at the relentless [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N] for ‘tempting’ him into an affair

Gaze flashing through the titles, while muting the video, queasiness waves along your stomach to the point you can hardly process. Especially, when another article causes you to heave, making your heart drop to your knees,

[Y/L/N] [Y/F/N] had an abortion after her affair with Kim Seokjin

From that moment forward, your life changed into a world of running- in fear, in desperation, in a fight for solidity- you have remained running. Months pass after your boss threatened your job, confessing to your appearance on the show having to do with the decreasing views, not to mention the close call of someone following you home- Stan noticing right away before turning onto your street. Your parents have been worried sick, checking in on you as often as they can without you swinging by- not wanting any soul to find where your parents reside.

Groceries are now delivered to your home versus you taking the trip out in public- news of the affair hardly simmering down according to the magazines plastering your face upon all of them. Social media has been put on hold- refusing to scour the comments that have forever scarred your heart- something you’re uncertain you will ever heal from. ‘If you’re gonna have an affair on someone, at least make sure they’re pretty first;’ ‘Wow. An affair and an abortion? That cunt deserves to rot.’ The worst part of it all, even with the relentless questioning from who you thought were your peers, is the crazy accusation of abortion when you were never pregnant, to begin with. Standing up for yourself isn’t an option to you, because the partial truth is indeed, you were a part of an affair. One you had not an idea you were about to take part in. For all you knew, it was the innocent banter alongside Kim Seokjin that lead to a steamy endeavor- an endeavor that will forever deem you a whore. You didn’t know he was married at the time, and if you would have known, nothing would have happened.

For once, you’d like to have a moment of freedom, one where the wind sweeps you off your feet with the sun beaming down on your smiling face while your arms outspread before you in the joy of nature. If only that dream could be a reality you would finally be okay. Keen fingers fidget for your large pair of sunglasses while you gloomily gaze at the mirror- slipping them on before tying a floral cloth upon your head- disguising your hair you have now cut shorter in hopes of altering your appearance. There’s not a destination that you have in mind, but the need to breathe fresh air is all you can think about- soon prodding along the streets while your eyes scan every corner through your tinted shades.

The bus enters your view, deciding that maybe a trip to a random city is much needed. Preparing your money behind the passengers boarding, you pay the driver- scooting to an empty seat where you cuddle into the corner. Head kept low, you face away from the window since the paranoia of someone spotting you is still an avoidance you’d like to sustain. Lately, you’ve felt hunted, as if all of this is nothing but a game to the world. And, though you refuse to admit it, you’re still maddened by the attempts Seokjin has made to reach out to you, yet you ignore every email, stubbornly accepting the fate that you’re in this alone.

Alone.

That’s all you’ve ever been.

Bodies continue to float down the isles while you carefully observe each one, wishing you could be in their position- free and hidden from the public eye- never having to worry about their deepest secrets being uncovered- posted for all the world to devour. Lost in your little world, your scattered wishes disappear especially when your stare lands upon a woman – whose disguised behind a black mouth mask while a black cloth covers the majority of her hair, but it’s the way she carries herself that sparks your interest. The familiarity of her purse dangling from her wrist to the way her jaw curves- that’s when the thudding of your heart echoes through your ear canals causing a silent gasp to brush past your parted lips.

It’s her.

Flashbacks of two years ago smear your conscious- the shrilling pain that was engraved within her screams and the daunting way her eyes stared you down before you could grasp what exactly was going on. And, here she is, rows before you, taking her seat, completely oblivious to your presence slouching more into your seat. All this time you were too busy to think of how severe your privacy has been invaded that you never once thought of how all of this has affected her. Nipping at your fingernails, your anxious heartbeat has yet to calm- your mind fogged with nothing but the swirling wonders of how she has been, what she’s been up to, and of course, the main concern, what if she discovers you?

It doesn’t take but twenty minutes before the bus comes to a standstill, her carefully rising before making her way to exit onto the sidewalk. You hardly register your own moving footsteps- a few people behind her, yet your frantic eyes never leave her figure as she waltzes further up the street. Heavy breaths plague your lungs while anxiety smothers your being in a relentless frenzy, but whatever direction she’s headed, you’re determined to follow suit. The click of her heels fades with every corner she rounds while your converse quietly scrapes a few feet behind, trying to inconspicuously mold into the few pedestrians which you proudly stay in luck. If one were to ask why you’re doing this, you wouldn’t have an answer, because inwardly, you’re in the mindset of accepting that maybe you are unstable. But, maybe there’s just the revelation that you urgently want to know that she’s okay because if you’re too afraid to face her, maybe just knowing where she’s headed will give you a sense of peace?

Continuing your distance behind her, it dawns on you that the streets have become emptier and emptier, and the notice that she has stopped, you pin your back against a brick building, closing your eyes while you hold your breath. Waiting a few more seconds, you peer around the corner where she stands, her gaze scoping the streets before checking behind her which you efficaciously jump out of sight. She returns to what looks to be typing on her cellphone, and not much time passes before the accustomed sight of a black SUV comes into view. There’s a notable sticker faded in the corner of the windshield that piques your attention especially when you recognize the vehicle to be that of Stan’s.

“Holy shit,” your whisper is so low that barely you can hear yourself. Seokjin’s ex-wife throws her phone into her purse especially when a man exits the passenger side of the automobile gracing a boxy smile that you recognize to be Kim Taehyung’s. He’s fashioning a green tracksuit along with a red headband- his slim arms spreading to envelop her in a long embrace to where she buries her face within the crook of his neck. Sunglasses decorate his vision, and while he flickers his stance to ensure there is no one present, he turns to pull down her mask where he places his palms upon her cheeks, leaning in to plant a small kiss to her lips.

They enter the SUV, the one you haven’t been frequenting in due to current events, and you briefly press your back against the bricks once more in hopes of your hiding spot not being unraveled by the couple you happened to witness. Shock trickles your brain to the point that your nerves are shot because you can hardly make sense of anything anymore. Kim Taehyung is dating Seokjin’s ex-wife? Without Seokjin’s knowledge? If the whole world isn’t familiar with the pair, then why would Seokjin be? Is this how karma likes to play? Lurking into the shadows of the past just to snatch exactly what it needs?

Yet, you don’t feel sorry for him, because look at all this pain he has caused you. You were right, in your mind, a mere ‘sorry’ cannot fix the damage that has been done. But, in his ex-wife’s case, the damage brought her to what looks to be a stable, yet loving relationship, and that’s all you could have ever wanted for her. Tears brim your eyes while you squeeze them shut, the material of your shirt still scratching against the brick without wanting to move an inch. When a flash followed with a harsh click interrupts your seclusion, you’re not prepared with the yelling questions awakening you swiftly to the point of nausea-

“[Y/N]! [Y/N]! Is it true that you were fired from Late Night in Seoul!?” “Was it Seokjin’s decision to rid of the baby?” “Were you aware of-” “What will become of your career now-”

“Shit!” Your feet work faster than your brain, nearly tripping over the air to urgently escape the multitude of paparazzi now fresh on your trail. How long they must have been following you- you’re hoping not long- especially with the new revelation you viewed a few minutes before your identity was intervened. “Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone!?” You shout, this not being the first time this has happened since the night of that damned party; wind roughly blows against your cloth that is now loose upon your head- sunglasses hardly staying in place while you scramble to anywhere that will keep them from catching up. Thirty minutes pass before you’re out of breath, bent over while your hand clutches your abdomen- it doesn’t take much before you spew up whatever little contents you have within your stomach. Your hand soon finds the cool surface of a building while the foul taste of bile stings your tongue- still bent over, you retch a few more times before you swipe at the corners of your mouth; wherever the press is now, they’re not behind you, and once you’ve regained your composure, you keep your eyes peeled. You hardly remember the return to your home, lifelessly scampering to fix a cup of hot chocolate before settling onto the couch for the evening. You haven’t eaten in days, and you know it’s near time to order more groceries, yet you haven’t had enough appetite to crave much of anything. Exasperation mingled with deep sadness are all you can feel at the moment- the events of the day taking a toll on you more than you’d like to profess.

Swiftly checking your bank account, you exhale a sigh of relief with how much you’ve been able to save before the loss of your job. And, luckily, your pen name hasn’t been unearthed from your previous job which is something you wouldn’t be able to handle after everything else. Staring at the wall, letting the heat of the liquid steam down your throat, for once you confess to yourself, that maybe you had never been as lonely as you figured before. For now, cold fingers circling your mug while silence hovers in the air, you’ve never felt so alone.

It doesn’t register when you take another sip, that the doorbell rings, priming you to slowly set your mug upon the side table- eyebrows greeting each other from the confusion that fills your expression. Your tired appendages gradually make it to the door, unlocking the deadbolt just for your fingers to grip the doorknob, the creak of the door opening, before your eyes, peek through the crack just to cause sickness to grip your abdomen.

Seokjin stares at you, desperation manifesting in his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here!? And, how the hell did you find-”

“I can explain,” he cuts you off- light headiness consuming you while anger pools beneath your chest. Blinking a few times, you rub your fingers to your forehead while a small whimper escapes your lips. Before you can comprehend what’s going on, your knees buckle, eyes rolling back-

“[Y/N]!” A frantic voice sounds- darkness taking over before you hit the ground.

“So um, would you like to take a walk?”

It’s the gentleness exuberating from the soft, brown irises holding your gaze that builds a tender smile at the corner of your lips. Just seeing the way your eyes spark a hint of interest relieves a mirrored grin upon Seokjin’s face, his eyes searching yours as if he can read exactly what your mind is thinking.

“I’d love to,”

The mention of the coffee shop is brought up the second the pair of you turn in the direction of it- Seokjin asking for any plans you may have for the day which you gladly admit to not having any. Small jokes are shared the entire adventure toward the entrance of the store, the strong scent of the coffee immediately greets you whilst your laughter persists toward a smiling Seokjin who admits he retrieves his jokes from none other than Google itself. You’re very attracted, and you know it’s obvious with the way your chest heats from the nerves traveling within your system, yet you observe that you’re not the only one guilty of being jittery due to the apparent shade of red dawning the tips of his ears once again.

When he insists on paying, you shyly defeat, the balminess of the Styrofoam cups warming your hands as the two of you trail to a faded, blue couch just a few feet away from the counter where orders take place. Without thinking, you manage to take a seat at the equal time Seokjin does- your shoulder nearly smothering his from the proximity you absentmindedly committed.

“Sorry,” you murmur, scooting a few inches away to provide him space you assume he may prefer. The blotchy blush that has covered most of your chest now spreads to highlight your cheeks, but it’s what he does next that makes your heart melt faster than you anticipate.

“Don’t be sorry,” he grins- shuffling closer to you to drape his arm around your shoulders, squeezing you gently. His handsome face is so close that you wish you could kiss him- something you don’t typically desire to do on a first date- if this is even considered a date- but, the way he timidly holds your stare, you could give in to him right then and there.

Clearing his throat, you break your glance by timorously admiring the coffee within your shaky palms, “What brought you to the city?”

Sipping your drink, you ponder momentarily before answering, “My job mostly. Plus, it’s a new scenery too. I grew up more in the country,”

“Do you like the city better?”

“I do, and I don’t,” you shrug, “The country is quieter, whereas the city has more noise, but I do enjoy certain areas of the city, like the park, some of the shops around here,” turning to look at him, you’re curious to what he favors, “What about you? What got you into acting?”

Looking ahead, his eyes briefly scan the scenery of the coffee shop, “It’s always been a dream of mine, even when I was younger. I graduated from Konkuk University with a degree in acting and art last year,”

“Oh, wow that’s very impressive,” you compliment, “I know earlier you mentioned you had an audition tomorrow. Are you nervous?”

Watching him tilt his head, he keeps his eyes fixated in front of him, you nuzzling a tad more into his side, his warmth bringing a feeling you haven’t felt in what seems like a lifetime, “I am, but I’m also excited. I’m not sure exactly which role I’ll land, but I’m hoping for a movie. There’s a romantic comedy I’m very interested in, but it depends on how well I do,”

“Good luck,” you smile, “I think you’ll do just fine,”

The conversation continues into your dream of co-hosting a night show one day, though callbacks for your auditions haven’t been made just yet, you refuse to give up hope. It’s funny how the talk of mere dreams can lead to the topic of food- Seokjin jumping on the idea of cooking for you sometime, “Which prompts my next question,”

“What’s that?” Curiosity stems within you, while you lean back just enough to take in his expression.

“Do you know what raw duck is?”

Of course, eyebrows furrowed, your mouth remains agape, and you’re uncertain why you’re overthinking it, “Isn’t it-”

“Tornado,”

“Oh!” Burying your face in your palms, Seokjin’s original straight face contorts into one of heavy laughter- you bundling your face into his chest.

“You took me, seriously didn’t you?”

“I’m embarrassed,” you kid while your voice muffles into his sweatshirt.

Once coffees are downed and cups are cleaned up, Seokjin holds the door open for you while he speaks fondly about his sugar gliders, hoping that you’ll come to meet them sometime. You’re so lost in your enchantment with this handsome stranger that you don’t want to leave. When dialogue dims, your hands stuffing into the pockets of your trench coat, you can’t help the undeniable yearn to remain in his company, “Thank you, by the way,” your soft voice matching the breeze cooling your tainted skin.

“Anytime,” he replies with the same tenderness within his deep voice. Maybe it’s the way his eyes bore into yours that really set the pace, or maybe it’s the way his thick lips persevere to keep such a sweet smile intact, but before you can catch yourself, you close the small gap between your frames with the quick stand on your tip-toes- your hands moving to squeeze his shoulders while your lips meet his. He tenses at first, mostly from the rapidity of the gesture, but once your lips part with his to relock so smoothly, desire seeps in- his large hands move to cup your waist to where your chests press. Leaning more into his kiss, you deepen it enough to where you fleetingly dance your tongue along the tip of his, wrapping your arms around his neck to offer more permission.

Eventually pulling away, mildly breathless, you’re too dazed to speak- his kiss leaving fluttering butterflies encompassing your heart. Seokjin is just as mutually enthralled as you are, and you take note of the struggle he has to form any attempt at words, “There’s um, there’s- there’s something wrong with my cellphone,”

Confusion plasters every aspect of your face as you step away with the quick tilt of your head, “What? Did you drop it?”

“I don’t- I don’t have your number in it,” slipping his phone from his pocket, he hands it to you. Laughter erupts from you, overpowering the subtle increase in your heart rate.

“This has never happened to me before!” Quivering thumbs begin after the surprise while you carefully type your number. All smiles face the direction of a destination you’re uncertain of, and now, you could care less as long as you get to spend the rest of your time with him. Handing him his phone, he slides his arm around your waist- you envision what would be the stars aligning, answering every wish you’ve mustered in your conscious- one wish that eventually leads you to the front porch of his house where no words are exchanged- just the addiction of his kiss and the burning crave to hold him close until the sun gleams outside his window to wake you to the reality you seemed to so easily forget.

The smell of chicken broth fills your nostrils causing your eyes to flutter open whilst groggily trying to clear your jumbled mind as to where you are. Head throbbing, your stiff digits pinch at the heated skin of your forehead, squeezing your eyes shut just enough for a small whimper to sound from your dry lips. Clinking sounds reverberate from the kitchen while you skirmish to sit up, realizing the plush fabric of a blanket is evident upon your enfeebled legs. Remembering the arrival of Seokjin, you huff in frustration at the realization that you must have passed out from all the shock you’ve endured the past few months. When frustrated tears well within your eyelids, you can’t even bring yourself to move- visibly weak from the enervation troubling your form.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey-” it takes a prolonged moment before Seokjin turns to the sight of you awake, his voice barely rises from a whisper while he rushes to your side, holding his hands in front of him in preparation if you were to fall. You can’t find the strength to speak, so you remain in silence- nearly shoving his hand away at first when he cautiously presses it to your forehead, “You’re burning up,”

Not getting a second to process his words, he jogs to the kitchen where the familiar trickle of liquid is being poured into what you assume is a bowl while his careful footsteps trail back to your location upon the couch. You try to lift your arms, but they don’t budge; Seokjin tags along a mini step stool to where he takes a seat. The jangle of the spoon stirs within the bowl, and from the look of the contents he gathers, it appears to be chicken noodle soup. Steadying the bowl beneath the steaming spoon, he offers some to you. Skeptical, you hesitate, flicking your eyes of warning in his direction while your fingers grip at the material of the sofa. He can see the obvious doubt written all over your face, but he gestures the spoon and bowl slightly trying to convince you to trust him. It’s not that you think he’s going to poison you or anything, but it’s the wonder of why he’s even here, to begin with. Accepting the soup, the heavenly taste soothes a sense of relief to your body, and Seokjin continues to feed you until the broth is gone.

Gaining enough strength to turn your head, in your peripherals you notice a full glass of water, something he must have set out for you whenever you were to return from slumber. When he sets the empty bowl aside, he rises just enough to retrieve the glass, “Here,” he says, bringing the rim of the cup to your parted lips. You down half the glass, and with a sweet grin, he then takes the empty bowl to place in the sink while he refills the glass of water to the brim. When he returns to you, you muster just enough to speak, “Why-” you clear your throat, “Why are you doing this?”

Ease settles within his voice at the sound of yours, rubbing his hands together, he stares at them momentarily before bringing his gaze to you, “I wanted to see you,”

“But, how did you-”

“I paid Stan.”

Mouth falling open, eyebrows wrinkling- your look must be incredulous from the surprise you feel within your chest; you look away from Seokjin, not sure if you should be angry or what, but instead, you let out a chuckle, “You bribed my driver?”

Seokjin breathes a small laugh himself, returning his eyes to his folded hands, “Maybe,”

Shaking your head, you decide to lean back onto your pillow, relieving some of the fatigue weighing heavy in your mind. How Seokjin knew Stan was your driver, you’re uncertain, and for now, you don’t even care to know the answer. As much as you want to believe he is a good person, it’s hard to. What happened two years ago isn’t something you can just brush off and pretend never happened. Especially with everything that has happened thus far. And even though you should be angry, you want to be angry- one hundred percent infuriated – you can’t. You’re so physically, mentally and emotionally drained, you just can’t.

“I was never pregnant,” you whisper, unknowingly confirming a question he’s been hounded with- Seokjin lifts his head, mouth ajar with widening eyes. “And I’ve never hated you for what happened.” A tear dribbles down your cheek, “I just- I just don’t know what to say,” Fighting is no longer an option you want to deal with anymore. He’s already told you he’s sorry, and here he is, right beside you making sure that you’re getting taken care of despite the circumstances. On top of that, you’re not alone. For the first time since this whole scandal began, you’re not alone. And you know, from the way fame can tear individuals’ apart, that Seokjin probably hasn’t been able to find a moment of peace for himself either. Meeting his eyes, right then the tears stream harder- Seokjin rushes to you until his arms embrace you. Body trembling, you bury your face into his chest; all the pain, all the anger, all the stress, all the depression, and all the guilt flowing down your cheeks. You don’t want it anymore. None of it. Wrapping your arms around him, you feel his chin quiver against the side of your head. He doesn’t say a word. He just lets you cry. Just two strangers. Two strangers who made a mistake. Coming together with the sole purpose to find forgiveness.

And, when the morning comes, your eyes observe the serene view of Seokjin sleeping- the way his lips are parted while a wavy tint formed on his bangs from the way his head lays upon the pillow. He held you all night, and quietly, you tiptoe to your room because right now, there is only one mission you have in mind- and, there is only one person you plan on seeing. Gathering money in preparation, you send a text to Stan asking if he’s available for a drive. It doesn’t take long for you to get ready, throwing on some sandals to prevent the sound of heels from waking Seokjin. Stan pulls up, and with one more glance toward Jin, you lock the door behind you gently- skipping toward the SUV in broad daylight, determination burning within your bones.

Your breathing is heavy when you come face to face with the large, mahogany door- nerves numbing your fingers while anxiety takes a toll upon your tense frame. Mind racing, your heart thuds with the inclination of wanting to knock on the door, but you hold yourself back. C’mon [Y/N], you can do this. What the hell are you waiting for? Scolding yourself, you inhale and exhale slowly, closing your eyes. Composing yourself, you know it’s now or never- opening your eyes, the heat of the sun warming your back- you gesture to knock at the door, the exciting sound of a woman’s voice causing your ears to tune in.

“Coming!” Faint footsteps sprint to the door prompting you to draw another quick breath while the nerves tingle within your stomach. When the door opens, her eyes pause the moment she sees you- evident shock overwhelming her expression while she processes who she sees standing before her.

“Hi,” the greeting is soft when you speak, and you’re amazed if you were even audible enough to be heard. She takes a step back into the house to check behind her as if to make sure the coast is clear before returning her face to you, “I’m- I’m-”

“I know who you are,” she voices, catching you off guard, “How did you-”

Looking down at your sandals, you wet your lips while Seokjin’s ex-wife waits for you to reply, “I-I paid Stan,”

“You what?” You don’t expect the lenient chuckle that she graces and your clammy palms shove into the pockets of your coat while you gather the words you’ve been wanting to say for what feels like a lifetime.

“I know this sounds,” you begin while timidly looking at her, “I just- I needed- I just-” stuttering, you let out a long sigh, “I just needed to see you.” Your words seem to bring a spark of sincerity behind her eyes while she searches yours- folding her arms across her chest while she nods for you to continue. Bowing slightly, you take a moment before continuing, “I know it’s been a few years, but I haven’t fully recovered from what happened, and I will never be able to live with myself if I pretend it never happened, but… I came here today because I just needed to see you and tell you, I am so sorry for what I did to you,” the tears are welling in your eyes while your voice breaks, and although you don’t want to let the tears fall, it feels like these days that’s all you have left in you to do, is just cry, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I never will. But, if I would have known he was married, nothing would have ever happened between him and I. Nothing at all,” when the evident realization to your words seems to fully process, she stands straighter while you timidly glance toward the ground, “In fact, if I would have known he was married, I would have told him to-”

“Fuck off?” She says, catching you by surprise while knowing smirk tugs at the corner of her pink lips. Understanding floods her gape which leads you to let out a breath of relief.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what I would have said,”

She nods, arms still crossed, but the tension eases from her shoulders, “You didn’t know.”

“No,” you whisper, bowing your head once more ashamed.

“I believe you,” the conversation remains quiet for what seems like forever although it was only thirty seconds, before Seokjin’s ex-wife steps forward, “You didn’t even know I existed, so in reality, none of it was your fault, and I can’t blame you for that,

Seokjin and I were very young when we married, and… It wasn’t necessarily our choice. Sometimes when it comes to making your parents proud, you’ll do anything.”

“I’m-I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be,” she gives you a kind grin, “Besides, if it wasn’t for you then Jin and I would have never found a good enough reason to tell our parents why the marriage simply wasn’t working… And, I would have never found Tae again,” happiness is noticeable in her voice at the mention of Taehyung- something you still awkwardly know about but are too embarrassed to confess, “Seokjin checks on us every now and then. He and Tae have been best friends for years now-” For some reason your trachea decides to react to the comment she just made, muffling your coughs into the crook of your arm. “Whoa, are you okay?”

“Yeah-” You manage to say, feeling the flush of your face turning red. Seokjin and Taehyung are best friends? So, that’s how Seokjin knew about Stan being my driver. And, maybe that’s what he’s been wanting to tell you all along? But, with that being known to you now, would you have believed it coming from his mouth? “I’m sorry,”

She giggles, “You’re fine. It happens,” she shrugs, “A year after the divorce, Seokjin and I found a way to move past it. He apologized, I forgave him, and we found a way to start over, but as friends like it should have been all along,” holding her eyes, you still remain speechless while her soft grin never leaves her face, “And, I forgive you, too, [Y/N]. I forgave you a long time ago,”

When you feel as though the heaviest burden you’ve carried for so long has been lifted off your shoulders, the tears fall immediately whilst happiness exuberates within your heart. You’re not even sure what else to do, and that’s when she pulls you in for a tight hug whispering the truth that she determines the two of you will be best friends after today. And, that’s something you know you will like very much.

The ride home holds nothing but a smile upon your face; one you haven’t felt in forever. Of course, before leaving, you search your whereabouts to ensure not one cameraman captured the personal moment between you and Seokjin’s ex-wife, or in better terms, your new friend. Now, the guilt about the anger toward Seokjin, although may have been valid, still haunts you in the sense of not fully giving him the benefit of the doubt. Even though, in the end, you’re satisfied with how the peace that has been obtained was graced in the way it was. The paths you, Seokjin, or your new friend have endured have not been easy, especially being involved in the spotlight, yet it has made every one of you strong individually. Overall, maybe an interview can be held for the four of you to reveal there is no underlying issue between the two couples will quiet the world in the judgment that has so easily been cast upon you and Seokjin especially.

Walking into your house, you’re greeted with the aroma of frying eggs mingled with the savory smell of meat. The soft click of the door closes behind you while you slide off your sandals before inching closer to the kitchen. The view before you melts your heart- still in the same attire as the previous night, Seokjin’s messy hair sticks from all sides- he continues turning the meat then reaching to stir what looks to be a pot of boiling rice. Off to the side are two plates already decorated with slices of your favorite fruit.

He wasn’t the person you always assumed he was. An arranged marriage nearly destroyed two people, yet they found a way to reconcile leading him to change for the better. Trust may always be a mountain you will have to climb, but at this moment, gazing at him surprising a meal he so thoughtfully decided to prepare, you’re willing to hike as far as you need to until you feel safe in his arms.

“Hey, I-”

“WHOA!” Seokjin jumps back, eyes wide while his arms frail in the air; the cooking utensil flies from his quivering hand making a clanging noise once it hits the floor. Springing back, your hand flies to your chest, “What’s the matter!? Are you okay!?”

When Seokjin realizes it’s you, he bends forward to rest his hands on his knees, “Oh man, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come in,” Erupting in a bout of laughter, you can barely breathe, he blushes, “Yeah, yeah keep on laughing,”

“I’m sorry, I just- that was too funny,” slipping your jacket off, you walk over to hang it in your coat closet, then walking to the corner of the kitchen while you let Seokjin recover, “You don’t have to do this, you know,” you say tenderly- his back faces you as he carefully watches the cooking food. Without saying a word, he turns to look at you and grins along with a slight bow. Something ignites within you that leaves you contemplating on what you’re about to do- deciding in an instant, you walk over to him, slipping between him and the stove where your hands nestle on his waist just to place a small kiss to his lips. The gesture shocks him when he pulls away with dazed, yet wide eyes,

“What was that for?”

Holding his gaze, you slide your arms to fully embrace him, letting the truth fall from your smile in a gentle murmur, “I forgive you, Jin,”

He tenses, but only for a moment, as if to process the words he’s been longing to hear, letting your words sink in completely until he fully holds you, and you hope he never lets you go. Hearts pound together while the sound of sizzling food fills the silence. When the two of you pull away to face each other, he timorously bows his head as if to thank you, resting his hand on your face. Once dinner has been served and consumed, he gathers both of your plates while you follow him into the kitchen. He sets them within the dishwasher before turning to face you- drying his hands with a towel before laying it upon the counter.

“Do you remember what raw duck is?”

“Oh no,” you groan, leaning your head back in feigned irritation, “Please don’t say it,”

“You do remember don’t you,” he accuses- eyes sweeping your snickering face.

“I do,” you admit.

“Then say it,”

“Tornad-”

“I can’t hear you!”

“Tore. Nay. Doe,” Seokjin chuckles his well-known, high pitched chuckle as you pull him in for another hug, “Thank you for everything, you dork,” Warm fingertips find your chin, tipping it up to read your eyes. Before you can blink, Seokjin kisses you- your arms immediately wrapping around his neck while he leans more into you. Everything that the pair of you have gone through forgotten- because for now, away from the spotlight, the two of you can be exactly who you are without any fear of being exaggerated. You both can be human beings finally experiencing the one thing you’ve pleaded for since the day of first meeting.

Ultimately, there is such thing as redemption for those who will do anything to fix the mistake they made; for someone who is willing to change for the better and fight to make things right no matter how difficult things may appear. You and Seokjin are just two souls who happened to yearn for the same thing. The one thing you both needed to find peace again.

Forgiveness.

Not only forgiveness for one another or the forgiveness of the person wronged, but you both also learned, after all this time, to find forgiveness for yourselves. As Seokjin holds you, his kisses mesmerizing, you can’t help but feel the immense joy surrounding your heart. If there is anything, you want more in this world, it’s for this peace to last forever.

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