#like thats what real friendships are
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i can ONLY make friends through work which sucks bc the only people who apply to work at this job are 15-17yos.
#it's the NOT being obligated to actually want to be friends or to try to be friends#but still being forced to be near eachother day in day out#just getting to know eachother#making eachother laugh#feeling eachothers pain. hating people together#like thats what real friendships are#if i go out to people with the expressed goal of making friends or getting in to a relationship it feels#SO insanely forced and stale and ust wrong. I hate it. I hate online dating and making friends online#i hate friend meetups and clubs.#bc in all these situations youre going there with the verbalized/implied intent to become friends overnight#and that does not happen#not sorry#it takes a hot minute to actually become friends except in very specific situations#aka you bond and click together immediately on your very first meeting.#and not ust 'wow this persons cool and not an ass' but like. genuinely doing something together and being best friends overnight#i wish it was more normal to go into relationships with the intent to just be acquaintances at first.#i dont want to feel obligated to be friendly to you or to put you on a pedestal in my life that you really dont have yet#actually avpd#not that that has anything to do with it tho ((((: absolutely not. no maam
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it's always super weird when you find out someone you thought you vibed with doesn't actually like you that much and really just tolerated you.
maybe it's just a neurodivergent problem. maybe normal people can always tell.
i can never tell. you talk to me a lot about our many shared interests, we hang out a lot, I thought we had chemistry, I felt comfortable with you and you never seemed uncomfortable with me, and you never told me I upset you...
but I guess I'm the idiot for being an open book and always telling people if they've done something I don't like. and for being willing to have hard conversations about boundaries from time to time.
my bad.
#gonna start lying like the rest of you#ah yes let me pretend i like you#im starting to think these kinds of people are just too insecure to shut down a friendship#like you just need to have friends to the point where you tolerate my existence#even tho i am offensive to your sensibilities#like come on bro#thats sad#just dump me#it wont bother me#not everyone is capable of tolerating me#thats alright#but say something you pussy#stop wasting both our times#pretending to be my friend hurts you more than me#i have real friends#i dont need parasitic pseudo friends who just need to feel wanted#im done with that#i know what a real friend looks like#youre not it and im not it for you either#i couldve been if you were honest#but people are not honest with others or themselves and thats what i hate most about people
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I'm rewatching all the Marvel Defenders shows on Netflix and as much as I mock the MCU now, I need non-Marvel fans to understand that I was and still am a fan of "Daredevil fighting the gentrifying assshole who bought out the police force because ACAB both as a lawyer and vigilante of the community" and "Jessica Jones fighting the man who mind controlled her into doing unspeakable things and forming a community of fellow survivors and allies while dealing with PTSD in a range of both healthy and unhealthy ways" Marvel. God I love these idiots they carried so hard
#vio.txt#mcu#marvel#jessica jones#daredevil#also the two of them induced so much bi panic in me. also gender envy. jessica jones is one of the few women i get gender envy fron#the iron fist and luke cage shows were...more mid but still leagues above current marvel shows#like. yes be anti-mcu but these were masterpieces#and yes this is why i was so pissed about them putting daredevil in she hulk and trying to make him iron man 2.0#like! yes hes suave and charming but thats bc its his lawyer job!! he works in a law firm he and his friends started to serve his community#he is NOT 'i am rich and better than u' charming. he is 'i learned how to talk fancy for my degree and i have empathy' charming#and not bringing the other guys over either???? bruhhh#marvel really cancelled the best things they did on the screen#matt murdock my original red and black round glasses wearing sadboy what did they do to you#also!! can i mention that these shows had such better representation than nowadays marvel#murdock's actor doing extensive research on blind motility for the role#jessica and trish's friendship and how trish immediately believes jess about kilgrave#the whole!!! unique community feel of harlem and in luke's bar#hogarth whos both jessica's employer and foggy's boss in later seasons being a lesbian and having Real Marriage Issues#and also being a conplex and kinda shitty person#iron fist was....eh but that's why it was the worst one lmao#OH YEAH HOW COULD I FORGET MY GIRL KAREN#karen page getting a whole storyline in s1 about her dealing w ptsd and then getting fleshed out backstory and her own adventures#like ok it was kinda weird in daredevil that she dated like every guy bc she was the female lead 💀#but even then foggy and matt and her figuring their shit out like adults. like they shot their shots and it didnt pan out. still besties th#disney would never allow such good writing in current times#but a boy can wish
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Stonemouth (2015) · S1·E01 · 08.06.2015
#DO NOT TOLERATE CASUAL HOMOPHOBIA FROM AAAANYONE#this is what its like being friends with cishets tho - they grab every opportunity to make cheap homophobic jokes#gotta shove them real hard with a dead serious death stare like chris to let them know 'naw thats not what we aboutta do bruv'#then smile 5sec later to diffuse the tension they wont do it again i promise you#queer#gay#lgbt#lgbtq+#homophobic jokes#casual homophobia#queerphobia#homophobia#friendship#conflict resolution#the more you know#queer characters#love and relationships#chris fulton#christian cooke#life skills#stonemouth#stonemouth bbc
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mine fucking joined organized crime because he wanted to know if friendship was real
#im not kidding go watch the rooftop scene again hes like i didnt even know if friendship was real so i went to the organization where#male friendship reigns supreme. the yakuza#(and this is played completely straight)#and then he does the ultimate 'guys can be friends too' thing and falls obsessively in love with a man#i keep being like omg he's gay as hell and then remembering thats like on purpose this time#rgg#yakuza 3#minedai#mineposting a lot tonight sorry#mine yoshitaka#hes so fucking funny what is wrong with him
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ideal ggy reveal for me right now is some sort of game whatever format theyd use (for example sb vs hw is very different storytelling) about vanny killing dr rabbit and it leads up to the beginning of sb at the end
#like more vanny shows rab in a game therefore making ggy canon for sure explains why gregory was in the pizzaplex#would show one of the stepping stones vanny took to get to glitchtrap to kill him like she killed rab#it just makes sense to me#also works for vanny cassie#since rab will be no threat since hes dead so vanny has the spotlight#and gregory with his connection to cassie feels guilt over letting the same thing that happned to him and his family happen to her#so now he feels responsible to help her#leading to a game with gregory protag and vanessa and freddy co-protag/guides#im just explaining the secret little future fnaf game storyline im hoping for in my head#i just feel like if vanny cassie is real#which it RLLY seems like it is after hw2#revealing ggy before some sort of action would be taken would mean a lot#for gregory and cassies relationship#he would uave been in her boat and feel guilt for not being fast enough to save her from tbe same fate#i know vanessa would work better because she was vanny but she has no connection or friendship with cassie like gregory does#and it gives ggy some importance too#that is kinda more to serve the cassie plot than to make ggy more important or overshadowing vanny#not that ggy could overshadow vanny if vanny cassie is happening lol#pandas.txt#thoughts#theory#kinda#im just being hopeful#by hw2s dlc things will be so different#its so impossible to guess whatll happen in a fnaf game#and what will change#superstar duo#ggy#this is ALSO heavily based on a theory of mine that vanny killed rab @ the beginning of sb and thats why greg was at the pizzaplex#and how he got freed and why rab is nowhere to be found
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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You got isekai'd into SYSTEMA. What now.
Be amazed.
Remember I spawned into the "everything sucks" world.
Break down and cry.
Consider death as an escape.
Summon the global chaos by leaking insider secrets that could make about 200 new conspiracy theories.
Hope that Sera's conspirator ass tries to find me before one of the hits get me first.
Ending 1: I get sniped.
Ending 2: I get jumped.
Ending 3: I get kidnapped.
Ending 4:
Ending 200: It worked! Sera insults me. I cry from both the height she's holding me at and the insult respectively. She tells me to quit sobbing so I weep in incognito mode.
Make it into the Manumission. Wipe my face. Contemplate death again.
Get interrogated.
Get welcomed in! (I am still under close observation)
Quietly fangirl about my characters in 4k then feel incredibly weird about how much I know.
Get interrogated again.
I know that Nathaniel knows that I know but he doesn't know how much I know until I make it known that I know that he knows.
Consider death as- oh. He heard that too.
Literally everyone freaks me out for different reasons. I hang out with Sonia. She calls me fat. I still like you Sonia.
Live in the manumission under witness/informant protection and try not to die.
#devarambles#i can't do shit in this world let's be honest#i'd just be a regular person#who can magically draw everyone with perfect detail (to them)#I'd at least know what's going on with everything. That foresight would save them from like... 60% of what goes down#I'd never be able to get along with Vincent. I do not have the rubber skin nor the emotional security + he would scare me to high heaven#Fucker looks like a spooked horse and he's tall NUH UH i'm not havin it. I'd maybe help him behind the scenes though. Stroke his ego a lil.#I could not be around Nate I'm sorry I'd avoid him. The fear of being known is real.#People can deal with him because nobody knows that he's intimately familiar with the core of their personalities and thats why he won't say#but I just know that this asshole can hear me thinking about how orange juice should be in cereal. I KNOW what he would think. SO NO. NO.#Uh.. What else... Sera? I don't think I have what it takes to bore through that shell of hers. Her personality is incredibly strong.#And only people like Nathaniel Sonia and Eric can get through because they're both perservering and self-assured. I don't fw distant ppl#I wouldn't chase her and she wouldn't seek me. No friendship just acquaintances type beat#Amon is cool but I don't know how I'd feel around him knowing his story. It's like hanging out with Rodtang. But he's hot. ough#Eric is cool but I know that this guy is super smart and he's a bit too silly. I'd end up telling him one too many secrets without realizin#Strohl is a genius and he'd find me really dumb and unprofessional which honestly I get. He's also just not my type of company#Which brings me back to Sonia. We'd get along. I'd be able to brush off her comments and she'd vibe with me. She'd get me good clothes too.#So that's that that's everything yay gwenchana gwenchana#ark_systema
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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The urge to completely ghost all my friends cause they've been talking to me a bit less than usual
#i think theyve all started to find people that they like more than me and are bored of me now#but are too nice to actually break off the friendship themselves#so instead theyre gonna slowly start talking to me less and less until were basically strangers again#or maybe thats just my cluster-b-fueled theory idk. but it feels real to me right now and thats what matters#listen to mee :3#actually npd#cluster b
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"I wish I knew how to quit you" is exactly what it is. idk what it is but it is exactly what it is
#i suddenly remembered i can edit text#brokeback mountain#i thoughf alot about love and all. like its not about how deep the bond is right i used to think it was i have quite deep bonds with my#friends but its clearly friendship#since gender is out of the question i was asking what exactly is romantic love and idk it seems random#i have seen couples who have known eachother so less but ig they enjoy eachothers company so much?#its perplexing and doesn't make sense to me#i have too many people i would die for so its weird choosing one special guy i would die for in an extra special way#like just thinking about it even#because i am understanding people i like don't like me back and thats okay we move on. i will forget everything real soon.#as in its never balanced. i am way too dependent OR im too detached i am in hell of my own making#ok done 😗
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Accidentally stumbled onto the dark side of Tumblr again, DEAR GRACE SOME FOLKS NEED INTENSE THERAPY, or need to stop doing drugs, maybe both, my eyes, my poor, poor eyes, I need a holy water and bleach combo
Also I should watch gravity falls again
#I also stumbled upon the extremely delulu side by accident#no idea if its ragebait or what but someone was just like EXTREMELY AGAINST ALASTOR IN ANY SHIP#which is valid you have your own opinion I respect that BUT THEY LITERALLY SAID ITS BECAUSE ALASTOR HIMSELF TOLD THEM?#Alastor is a fictional character and HE BETTER STAY THAT WAY#reminded me of those creepypasta kids who would pretend that Slenderman was real and be edgy#I was friends with one of those#they were... not the healthiest friendship like I'm not super traumatized by them but they definitely left a mark#took me like two years to not jump at the mention of their name#it's like 5 am for me rn I gotta get up in a couple to babysit children which is fitting because todays fic is a daycare au fic thats very#wholesome and I'm having fun writing it IT HEALS THE SCARS#i want corn bread again#my mom makes this really good cheddar cheese cornbread and it's tasty#she also makes like this honey one which is just corn bread with honey drizzled on it and popped into the air fryer#I'm also lowkey craving this casserole I made once with corn bread#I forgot what it's called but it had ground beef+ taco seasoning mixed with like vegetables and a TON of cheese and#it's just so TASTY i love it#like my all time favorite casserole#speaking of casseroles i can't wait for thanksgiving to roll around#I'm allergic to rice but theres this cheese rice and broccoli casserole that gets made#I sometimes sneak a bite#I'm not like deathly allergic I just break out in hives like with tomatoes#OO PLUS THANKSGIVIN' TURKEY my dad makes like a GREAT gravy to go with it#I look forward to it every year#and I'm from the south so we also have sweet potatoes mashed potatoes with marshmallows and cinnamon roasted on the top#and depending if my moms side is visiting we GET PUERTO RICAN FOOD#my mom makes the best food ever#i remember I had macaroons and me and moony were sneakily eating them in the kitchen because they were just for us#and my younger cousin walked in like “Ph macaroons! i want one” and I#without missing a beat just told him “Sure but their pumpkin spice flavored” and he left#it wasn't pumpkin spice it was mango I jsut didn't want to share with him Because the macarons were a reward I need to sleep now goodbye
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started playing a video game this weekend to blindly desperately escape my crippling time management anxiety. thought hey why don't i try persona 4 we have it and i know basically nothing about the series. im sure this won't contain the... time management horrors...... oh god
#why did i choose a game qhere if you don't manage your complicated schedule right someone dies? m stupid thas why#like this is genuinely one of the worst possible choices i can think of#where fulfilling some expectations always means you can't keep up with others. this is literally why i don't commit to anything#im ruining my friendships in real time and in video game time. goughh#guhhhhhhh#also yukiko and chie gay rights#p4#time management horror is real and i think thats what pa.thologic is about maybe. definitely ma.joras mask as well#maybe not p4 but it is to ME because i have ISSUES#anyway im like 8 hours in just saved yukiko hooray
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just rewatched ep 12 of mekakucity actors to feel something and got pissed off all over again
#mary activating combining but no one dies when she takes the snakes?? GIRL THOSE WORK AS SURROGATE LIVES THEYD DIE IF SHE TOOK THEM FOR EVEN#A SECOND.#mary just stopping the loop bc ayano and shintaro use their powers. girl why dont they do that IN OTHER TIMELINES THEN#like the one big difference is saeru immobilizing them instead of killing them#the lack of haruka. its summertime record. BITCH#the way they dont explain how or why he is back but he is#even saeru asks WHY HAVENT U FUCKING DISAPPEAREDDDDDDDDD#like why didnt he lol. the power of friendship ig#LIKE IM GLAD ITS A GOOD END BUT ITS SO STUPID FR#ive always interpreted it as#now that saeru is in harukas body it has to grant the new host's wishes#and this time its 2 people bc awakening became its own person as well#so it has to give hiyori back (konohas wish) and just grant harukas wish in the first place since his was never granted lol#which is to have a strong body. while. yknow. BEING INSIDE HIS BODY#thats what i like to think anyway and i think it makes sense#and also how tf do shintaro and ayano even get out of the daze. girlllllllll#wait its cuz mary probably opened it ok nvm#mary opening the daze and shintaro ayano and haruka sneaking out of there like the rats in ratatouille#hiyori take ur chance come out now too#like haruka is so funny his whole existence proves that souls are real in the kagepro universe#bc the daze swallows u with body and all. hiyori shintaro and ayano could just walk outta there like nothing#while harukas like. a ghost or something#cuz his body is out and about#when the snake rejects u for being too niceys but u also dont die bc ur too niceys#the daze: but i like him. lets keep him pleaaaaaase#are u reading these tags#if so#hey#kagevinnie#kagenalysis
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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starting to think that im forever gonna be lonely and miserable
#im not talking about romance i gave up on that forever ago#i mean just in general#like i really feel like ppl dont even want to tolerate me anymore#i know im not necessarily objectionable. but im just not likeable#ppl are indifferent to me at best and thats it#thats fine i guess. but it would be nice if i felt like someone really wanted to be my friend#it would be nice#i really dont know who i can say is my friend or just someone i know. cos i almost forget what having a real friend feels like#btw im not trying to diminish or dismiss any friendships ive made here or discord or whatever. pls dont feel that way#i know its hard to keep up a connection thru messages and replies#but like i feel that thats all ive got rn yknow??#anyway ill probs delete this after a night's sleep#im sorry for being emo on tungle. it will happen again
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