#like thanks for fucking nothing i guess
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sometimes i ask my dad for help with something (most of the time after helping him do something) and hes like "yeah ok" but then he immediately leaves the room and hopes i forget about asking him to do something and never does it and then he asks me to help him with something like 2 hours later
#like ive been asking him to help me just plan my mom's memorial service and every time i ask he disappears and never brings it up again#like thanks for fucking nothing i guess#it pisses me off so badly because i help him with everything#but no one ever helps me with anything ever for any reason#me#like i have gotten absolutely 0 tangible support aside from a couple text messages throught this whole thing#and its making me really realize how little people care about me#its depressing. and embarassing.
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PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
PUSSY.
BIG FLAPPY WET JESUS PUSSY.
JESUS' SOPPING WET PUSS-PUSS
[Edited months after posting to discourage catholics from replying to this post after finding that both the nice and much funnier not-nice responses to this were equally bad for my mental health. I didn't wanna delete it bc I was quite proud of some of my responses and it helps to have a visual reminder of why I left an abusive organization. Also, this means that any catholic who has reblogged this in an attempt to convert me, has now reblogged a post that, if clicked, links back to this. Use MY post for propaganda, will you!]
Thinking about how it was never made clear to me in Catholic school exactly WHY Jesus died for our sins. I just remembered that I was literally never clear on who the dying helped??
I've heard theories as an adult, but basically what I'm saying is pointless martyrdom seems a little pointless, and also with enough propaganda the big logical gaps in a belief system get really hard to see. Especially if questioning anything is blasphemy.
I would have gotten in so much trouble for insisting the teacher explain how Jesus helped us by being tortured to death by Romans even when God could have prevented it! God sent his only Son, they would have said! Be grateful, they'd say! Be guilty! Stop asking why he did that!!!
#original#religious trauma#<- what's up guys why did he do that??? for real i was raised catholic and it is FUCKING UNCLEAR but also the basis of a huge chunk of#my childhood?? like WHY though? my friend madeleine said it was related to animal sacrifices with the lamb of god stuff and all#this was NEVER mentioned in my school. i thought he was the lamb bc he followed god but maybe not#no wonder my impulse as a person is to constantly sacrifice myself unnecessarily#i think martyrdom is a bad gift. but i guess torture your son to death or whatever dude. but it's weird to do that and say it was for me#like...... thanks?? you're literally omnipotent but this is like the worst possible version of a cat leaving a dead mouse on my bed#Christianity#thank goodness i was too much of a fag to stay. i was so unhappy there.#the good place actually addresses a lot of my issues with Christianity as a whole while also not being all about Christianity#like what does it mean to condemn a person capable of change to eternal hell?M#*hell??#the good place#god pays the devil's rent y'all. like in that post that made my long beautiful essay about this irrelevant by#summing it up with 'girl they are in cahoots.' i think about that post all the fukn time nothing i can write longform is as punchy as that
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Leo got his sword arm cut off by Rahadin so his portrait had to change a tiny bit.
Also one of our party members assured him of his morality and he laughed out loud <\3
#We brought Leo back just to get him captured by Strahd#He escaped!#He got his arm cut off by Rahadin and I guess that freak just kept it for scrying#so Leo just moves around barovia trying to evade literal actual strahd#if he were not a vampire he would die of sepsis#now every once and a while he pulls up on the party and raises a little hell before fucking off#we believe literally everything he tells us. not an insight in sight.#he literally kidnapped a pc to interrogate them and we were like “yeah ❤️ that’s leo!”#but now that we’re fully against strahd he’s like wow I will lend you my singular hand. no need to thank me.#my point with all this is: feed the bones. nothing bad will happen. I promise :)#curse of strahd#leo dilisnya#dungeons and dragons campaign#dungeons and dragons character#dungeons and dragons art#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd art#dnd character#dnd npc#dnd fanart
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i'll never get the antis who come into your gifsets of your favorite characters and ragingly add false low IQ takes/narratives in the tags like...why are you making yourself angry over scenarios you made up in your head instead of enjoying gifs of the stuff you like lmao
#i promise you losers none of us gifmakers wanna see your weirdo behavior in our notifs ��#it's so bizarre to me because like why are you beefing with a character that you deliberately misinterpreted are you alright bro#another day being the ultimate girlfailure juan borgia enjoyer i guess but we move on 🙏#if you have nothing coherent to say then fuck off thanks <3#text post
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Do you have any plan to make some kind of bonus chapter or oneshot about marcille's perspective in little creature? It's not like I'm asking you for it ofc!! it's just that i think it'll be interesting to read, and especially since you had those tags about marcille after her fight/outburst with falin and how you couldn't add it to the fic because the fic is from falin's perspective
Probably not about anything that happens during a little creature, but maybe something before or after? Sometimes I do like to do "the other character thinking back to events while doing stuff in a sequel" oneshot type thing, but we'll see how it shakes out!
#asks#a little creature#i will say#Marcille was firmly in denial and just Not Thinking About Her Feelings#the dinner scene was the first crack in her self delusion but it was still there#then the last chapter was it finally shattering as she saw Falin kissing someone else and experienced Elf Shrimp Emotions#just insane intensity furor and jealousy#she was about to fucking blow up#and then the confrontation happens and shes literally in shambles#cant think everything hurts#just barely scraping enough braincells to thank kiki inbetween enormous hiccups and sobs that shake her entire body#sees laios. slaps him. collapses into his arms sobbing and apologizing again#he cant actually understand what shes saying through the blubbering but hes doing his best to comfort her#to be perfectly honest im not 100% she even has the space to process 'i have feelings for falin' in full clarity#the 'why did seeing her kissing someone else make me feel like i wanted to die or kill someone' doesnt like... click#not until she gets over the mess of 'how could she say that to me didnt i do enough'#'didnt i love her enough does she care so little for me that she cant even bother to think about how i feel'#'does she care so little for me that she doesnt know that i would die for her i HAVE died for her and killed for her'#'how could she not know that she was nothing less than my whole reason for living for so long'#... i guess thats what shes blubbering at laios but it just comes out as like#'howcouldnbwhebwsbebwbendoesbdhemotbbwkowbblblbllvlbl'#snotting into laios's shirt#its ok. she'll be ok. like laios has to carry her back to her room because she latched on and didn't let go until she literally like#cried herself to exhaustion and passed out.#but she'll be okay. after maybe another day of moping she finally has her White Woman Moment of looking at herself in the mirror#and admitting that she's in love with falin and has been for a while
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projecting my aroace experience on my fav character is hilarious actually. not only because using them as a lens for my own experience is highly entertaining but also because it fits so fucking well im not even kidding.
#also because i can express my most embarassing moment ever wherein one of my two best friends (who i thought i had a crush on)#(both of them. i thought i was crushing on both of them)#fucking CONFESSED FEELINGS for me (!?!) and i was like ‘…thanks’#standing there coming to the earth-shattering revalation that Oh Fuck i DONT have feelings for them#aroace cringefail moment 😔#learning that a common aroace thing was thinking youre bi via tumblr was so funny bc you would THINK i would have had that moment#yknow considering one best friend was a guy and the other a girl#but NO. it passed right over my head fucking entierly and i didnt once think anything remotely along that kinda line#i DID have a ‘huh am i poly?’ moment but nothing else#WHCIH ALSO FITS THE FAV CHARACTER !! hysterical#idk i guess ill tag this#aromantic#asexual#(tumblr stop reminding me of the time i spelled asexual wrong challenge)#aroace
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if any of my american friends see this, I understand what you're going through and I care you
but jesus fucking christ is it annoying to watch every social media feed just. flooded with doomerism and whining... I know this is just a sub product of american global influence as a whole but it's just frustrating and tiring to have to be invested in one single country's politics cause they're gonna bite everyone's ass. this behavior isn't unique either, this happens after any election, it's just when it's other countries they do that in their segregated "side of the internet" and americans are the whole internet so that's literally all everyone is seeing right now
and I don't wanna say this, cause I get the panic, I really do, been there done there but guys.... you're not special. your fascistic government didn't become suddenly fascistic overnight and it certainly isn't a Unique brand of evil, it's as conservative as the rest of the world's major powers right now! you just didn't care about that as long as you had the illusion of personal safety. congrats! it's gone now. welcome to the real world, oh Regular White American who just suddenly realized they don't have as much say in the order of things as they thought they had! ! you're gonna be fiiiine. you're gonna be fucked over but you're gonna survive just like the rest of the world being fucked over by your stupid government (except for the people it had and continues to kill, obviously)
fuck, this sounds really evil and mean and everyone and their mother are already at each other's throats but ghrrrrrhh I just need to get this frustration out somewhere
#vent#i guess#there's also an even meaner part of me rn that's laughing and screaming 'oh you get it now? you finally get how it feels to be powerless#against an overwhelming conservative majority choosing your fate for you???'#welcome to the fucking club buckos!!#please i hope the people I'm talking about just scroll by#but I'm over here consoling people like 'hey dude the politics sucks even more where i live and I'm fine you're gonna be fine too'#and get hit with 'yeah it helps to hear about places that suck it makes me feel like theres hope for me v.v' like dude.#you thought usa was paradise where nothing could go wrong or smth???#or that any other place on earth with less personal freedom is inherently unlivable and can only be thought of as 'thank god I'm not there'#i get the sentiment. i really do but man being on the other end of 'glad I'm not *there*' is so fucking othering#and I'm not even from anywhere in the global south not even from places it's past personal freedom and straight into being KILLED#and it's not like I'm exempt from this sort of behavior either but MAN..... not even talking about how palestinians are treated rn#cause this has been called out ad nauseam by people way more well-worded than me#this was supposed to be a vent post or smth? i lost my track of thought. gonna hit post and go offline and delete this later
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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got my staunch anti voting family to vote (mostly). also I came out to them.
the latter is not nearly as causative for the former as you'd hope. but.
#it's at least an explanation for how I'll react and be affected should the election have a bad result#I was trying to help them out bc they'll have to deal with the fallout should it come to that & I felt obligated to make them fully aware#of ALL of the consequences and what their inaction meant to me personally#they tried to reassure me in their own way and their idea of protecting me is reenacting the Alamo I guess#but it's like. I know that's for their own sense of morality and heroism. the first step is ACTUALLY with a ballot thank you very much.#'being queer? sure that's nice. voting?? get that the hell away from me!!!!'#it was horrible every step of the way. sick to my stomach over their idea over what was 'right' and 'moral'#(idealistic nonsense to rationalize it to themselves)#and sick to my stomach over the pressure I was causing and the backlash to that#literally no way to win so I might as well stick to what I know is right even if they resent me for it#SORRY I was raised to have a moral backbone lol#it was so messy oh my god but things are fine okay whatever atm#we got our mail in ballots squared away over the weekend#I know we're in a 'red' state w/e but that's 4(?) votes for harris so. not nothing & I can only hope it's a microcosm reflected elsewhere#honestly I don't know if I STILL would have had enough to work with if abortion rights weren't on the ballot#so a key piece of my framing was like. PLEASE for the love of pete help me with my fucking abortion rights.#so I can have a safety net if you want me to continue this lineage at all bc I am our best chance & you know it. (didn't say that last bit)#weaponizing white woman tears for good.#I nearly boo-hoo'd too close to the sun for my mom when it became clear that this was threatening family peace.#did I feel really manipulative? yeah. but is it actually manipulation when this is the reality of the situation and my feelings are genuine#like hi it's important to me that you say 'no' in the only way that it can actually count for historical purposes?
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having another one of my job-related crises
#where are the jobs for blokes that do fuck all. where are they!!!!!!!#i am quite literally looking for jobs where you do nothing. you do not understand how much i dont want to do anything#granted my current job has a certain amount of doing nothing in that i have the time to look for jobs where i do nothing#but i want to do even more nothing. do you understand#if i lived on my own i probably would consider some weird night shift job#but its probably better i have the routine i have living during the day like a normal person#despite the drawbacks of my cursed routine#where are those jobs i see people making tiktoks about where you do fuck all in the office and send like one email a day. id kill for that#my dream is to be paid for like. mostly sitting somewhere where i can work on my needlepoint#id even do mindless data entry. PLEASE pay me for mindless data entry i love repetitive tasks. if you let me listen to music im unstoppable#ive come across a couple data entry jobs but i think they always require a college degree#and its like oops sorry i never had the time or money for that! still dont! however i can promise you my autism is qualification enough#my dad talks about the market research jobs he used to have and how for like the entry level jobs there#there was clearly so much goof off time they were playing early computer games and shit#but there were like so much more data entry jobs that i guess are obsolete now bc of technology#and its like yes technology good but theyve destroyed an important job category: jobs where you do fuck all#whenever i have one of these crises i also check out gigs n jobs on craigslist and unfortunately everything there seems so sketchy#like every 'personal assistant' job sounds either super pervy or like im going to get serial killed#i should get paid a million dollars a year for doing nothing at all i think#anyway once again my only option is my successful director dreams. would be great if theyd actually happen#<- guy that doesnt spend enough time actually working on creative works in progress#well anyway. such is my mental state today thank you for your time
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horror's jacket fluff has probably accumulated so much DISGUSTINGNESS over 7 years in it that it's managed to acquire it's own signature Dog Smell (TM). however i think this would be a prime opportunity to pet him and then get some of that disgusting smell on you because for some reasons Dog Smell is just unavoidable when you pet a dog with a lot of hair
he'd hate it but awww awww whos a good boy (ノ´∀`*) whos a good boy (*≧∪≦) YOU ARE!!! awww so cute you didn't commit all those murders against innocent people you were innocent ( ̄▽ ̄)/ such a good boy!!!! (gets beheaded) (he got too embarrassed)
#forcing the dog horror agenda down people's throats#CAT DOG RABBIT TRIO I SCREAM INTO THE DISTANCE#cat and dog run circles chasing eachother around the sleeping rabbit (MURDER TIME TRIO REAL TRUST I WAS THE AIR)#THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME. guess where the inspiration came from. THATS RIGHT (triglycercule owns a dog) (for context)#my favorite recurring theme i keep on bringing up 4 some reason is horror not wanting 2 be treated like hes feral or animalistic#he is a rational man. he can think for himself. he isn't a DOG. SO THEN STOP TREATING HIM LIKE HE'S NOTHING MORE THAN SOME CAGED CANINE#(glares at killer and dust. dust simply looks off to the side (not paying attention) and killer slightly smiles bigger (creep))#it would be SO fucking demeaning. something killer does to horror to piss him off EASILY#leave it to killer to find a way to get on horror's nerves all the time. thank god dust is much less pissy than horror 🙏#can just SEE the thought bubble of horror as a dog above dusts head#he wouldn't verbalize it (because why would he need to) but dust can see the dog parallels (truly like me)#maybe he'd say it on an off day when theyre all feeling chill and its dead silent#someone's gotta be the calm one out of the three maniacs and why not let it be the rationally insane one ‼️‼️‼️#and theyre all just like chilling. horror's organizing the pantry. killer's playing a cat game on his phone. dust's reading#and then he just says to nobody in particular. horror reminds me of a dog#it's almost as if nobody reacts when horror turns around flabbergasted??? as if nobody said anything!!!!!#because dust is still reading and killer's still on his phone!!! WHAT!!!! and horror's just like ever so slightly irritated and weirded out#but...... its a good day. its been chill. maybe he just imagined that. and he goes back to his thingy#and dust just ever so slightly smiles. killer's actually been looking at horror ever since dust said that (the blank sockets hide his gayze#and in his head hes like..... damn. dust is right tf i do see it??????#kemonomimi mtt when. when do i get to see them with animal ears and tails that i approve they would fit in????#triglycercule you have to do it yourself.WHAT!!! NO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO (disintegrates) (imagine that ashy baby photo)#i felt like killer typing out that second paragraph. its like i can hear his voice saying it as i type. its like i can see his smug face#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc#i mean killer and dust are mentioned in tags so its whatever DONT KILL ME DONT GUILLOTINE ME OK SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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so it’s not enough for me to struggle mentally i’m also feeling the worst i’ve ever felt physically :)))
#this is my villain origin story#been to the ER twice the past two weeks that’s how bad it is :)#i‘m going to fucking kill myself it’s not even getting better#first i had a 40C/104F fever for D A Y S#then i got an antibiotic and at least the fever went down#BUT :)))#i got a cough and it was that bad that i started coughing up blood#at some point i just started throwing up cause again.. the cough was so intense#and if you think that’s all#no no no :)#right now i have a horrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic i mentioned that i haven’t even been taking since a week#i’ve got a HIGH dose of cortisone which i’m done with too now and it pretty much did nothing#like i guess it saved me from dying (yippie yay thanks now i just have to suffer more) but the rash isn’t just still there its worse#i can’t handle this shit#literally going insane#i need a fucking break#if one (1) more thing is thrown at me i‘ll just start sobbing#personal
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Hey I just want to know something: am I the stupidest person on the planet or the f1 fandom is built differently?
Everytime I go on a social media to look up f1 content I see cute/horny (let's be honest) edits and everybody calling the drivers pookie or making memes. And that's alright, I guess.
I most definitely know that a bunch of (mostly white) men in a very competitive male-dominated sport rooted more than many others in capitalism are probably going to have scandals around them. I am not that dumb. I also know that because probably none of them is scandal-free and people who get crushes/hyperfixation on them just learn to live with them, but I didn't think they just...ignored them? Swept them under the rug? Let me explain.
When I so much as stumble on a TikTok with a song by The 1975 or McCafferty- or hell even Lovejoy recently- I see comments flooding with "bUt DoN't YoU kNoW tHeY'rE pRoBlEmAtIC?". Same happened with content about cinema or books. And on Tumblr happens less but still happens. As soon as you mention something that has ties with sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. people will soon point it out to you. Maybe because they're some of those people with the obsession of only consuming "morally pure" content, maybe they genuinely want to inform you, maybe they fucking hate that song/book/movie and want to give YOU a reason to dislike it.
But can someone tell me if I'm fucking dumb and I managed to stumble in the wrong part of instagram/tumblr/TikTok or NOBODY fucking talks about the shit some drivers have done? Because I am stumbling on a LOT of shit done by drivers I really liked lately even though I have been interested in F1 for a while now. Not too long, but enough that I think I would have heard some stuff.
Like, if I spent like 6 months on the hashtag of Guy Who Drives, why am I now finding out that they said something really discriminatory? I am just confused, I simply thought it would have popped out sooner, but apparently it was buried under 500+ posts about their abs? Like what?
I get that anyway it's not like you can cancel a driver, no matter what shit they say they'll probably still going to be racing the next weekend, but why people don't talk about it? Was my socials' fault for showing me horny posts everytime I simply looked up the name of a guy or do people don't talk about this stuff in the f1 community because "what are you gonna do anyway"?
I am leaning towards the second option because there are a few things that happened while I was already watching f1 (not in order: Lando's comments about, Trump, Hornergate, most drivers saying Hornergate was just noise) and at first people were talking about it but then they just...stopped? Like, I don't know, personally the words of disenterest many drivers expressed about Hornergate made me change my opinion about them at least a little and people seemed so outraged at first but now...it's like it never happened. Everybody back thirsting on main for Ricciardo, Norris, etc.
Genuine question, is the general response of the f1 community to these behaviours "forgive and forget in time of the next gp"? Am I missing something? I don't think they should be crucified but why I have not seen more people talking about this stuff? The "serious sport bunch" seems to be uninterested in "gossip" or whatever happens outsid the tracks, the good old fashioned fandom is writing fanfiction/making edits/funny posts, who keeps tracks of this stuff?
I have never been interested in a sport before. In the artistic world (cinema, literature, etc.) some scandals can get you out of a job and a long lasting hatred from the community. In motorsports, because the success of a driver does not depend from his fans' engagement but can be "objectively proved" by results and victories, do people just...make peace with the fact that some athletes are pieces of shit?
I want to specify it one more time, I am NOT saying LET'S CANCEL ALL THE DRIVERS AND BOO THEM BECAUSE THEY HAVE DONE SOMETHING QRONG AT SOME POINT, I am asking:
how do you deal when an athlete you cheer for does something really fucked up, and you know other athletes in the same field are no saints?
#yes this was prompted by sad discoveries about kimi räikkönen#like fuck I could find so many fucking useless anecdotes about him and NOTHING about the sa allegations or the merch?#which then prompyed a research about kimi's other controversies which brought up controversies from other drivers#I am sorry I understand if I sound naive but please understand this is the first time I get into a sport#and again the world of literature of cinema for exmaple os very different because not even considering the whole cancel culture#but just at school or university professors say like 'yo this is a very important book from a very important author but hey it also happens#to be racist so pay attention to that'#I guess I didn't expect too much fucked up stuff from kimi because he was (still is? I think?) seb's friend#and look what I know about Seb is that that man advocated for the environment women and the LGBQTIA+ community#so maybe I thought a stupid thing and didn't think he would such a close friend of someone who had those sort of allegations#I thought the stupid thing#f1#formula 1#controversies#also me looking up 'x driver controversies' on this hellsite because google is useless anyway#(and often journalists do not label as controversies shit that definitely is controversial)#tumblr results: being x driver controversial young girlfriend#SEE WHAT I MEAN#btw thanks lewis hamilton for existing I guess and not giving me heart attacks bc even where you've done wrong you apologised and grew up#which not many drivers seem to do
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Hap hap hap mama daaaay
Thank you dear.
Honestly? It sucked yesterday. Didn’t get no flowers, card, and/or chocolate. Didn’t have breakfast in bed nor was dinner cooked. My MOM made us dinner. The little one slept for half an hour while I tried to nap and husband was playing Baulder’s Gate with his friends. Which pissed me off as a mom because why aren’t they with THEIR moms!?
I did not get no time to myself like I wanted and just focused on props for Momocon when the kid was asleep for bedtime cause can’t expect my husband to do shit for me but for himself. My mom took the kid to the park for half an hour AND bathed him! I didn’t have to tell her to do anything—she did it. And wished she told me what she wanted for Mother’s Day.
So I went to bed angry and pissed off and sad.
So, uh, yesterday was not the best day.
#ooc#kiki speaks#cw: rant#(I’m tired and stressed out about this lead position#and he just thinks of himself like always#oh thank god he called his mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day#I’d kick him in the ass if he didn’t do that#but fuck me I guess. it’s another Sunday. nothing special)#mobile post
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Hello Jay, I would like to hear your headcanons about Tom and his mom 👀👀👀 Go on, speak into the mic 🎤
AAA HI NEIL I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED
Taps mic 🎤 ahem
Buckle in cause this got absurdly long I did not expect to get this long omll
So I guess I'll begin when he was younger,, when his mother and father first got married they were just going into their 30s, and while weren't actually trying for a kid they did end up having one: Tom
Barbara (Tom's mom) was ecstatic at having a kid whereas Peter (Tom's dad) was terrified, he knows he has anger issues and is very aware of how he's gotten easily frustrated with children in the past and doesn't want to get angry towards his soon to be son (though Barbs has been a dear with helping him and his anger, truly he'd be in jail by now if not for her)
Fast forward a bit, Tom's born and while Peter isn't magically cured of any anger issues, Tom is just the sweetest little guy and he, genuinely throughout his fatherhood, has not once gotten angry at his son. Gotten angry a good few things, but his son and wife weren't in that list
Tom is also born completely nonverbal (this is a little reference to how 2004 he's drawn without a mouth,,, I know that all the characters are at this time because mmm animation but in most fanart of 2004 only Tom is the one kept without a mouth because that and his one eye gives him creechur vibes I love it so I incorporated it like this) due to his autism, and he did get formally diagnosed early on due to this
It's a bit of a struggle trying to figure out what he's saying but he's a quick learner for how to read and write so if he can't get what he's trying to say through hand motions or actions he'll go and write it down (at least when he gets around 5yo, the years before were hard and they had to learn a weird, Tom version of sign language,, to clarify not actual sign language just learning what motions of his mean what)
One interaction I think about a lot with Tom and his mother is in Tom's youth when he's, maybe, 4? And he sees his mom shave her hair for the first time. Tom didn't like the sudden change as she looked like a different person and was having trouble understanding why it was gone
It took Barb a while to fully understand what he meant, why he was crying and whatnot, but finally able to sit him down in her lap he started making a lot of motions towards his own hair and then Barb's, and the interaction goes something like this:
"Are you talking about my hair?" Barbara quietly concerns, gesturing to her now bald head.
Tom made small grunts with wide eyes, rocking in his mother's lap incessantly.
"Okay, okay," She nodded holding her son's hand gently in her own- less so holding and more resting them in her own. "It's gone, baby."
Tom didn't seem to like that answer, shaking his head no with his hand reaching up to grab and tug at his his in distress. His eyes were screwed shut, why would his mom do that? But Barbara was quick to respond with carefully holding her son's hands again, their fingers interlaced as he squeezed on her hands instead in his temper.
"You don't like that it's gone?" She tilted her head to the side, bringing Tom's hands away from his face and towards her chest.
He shook his head no with an upset grunt, swinging his hands (and by proxy his mother's) side to side to drive the point further.
"Ohh,, pumpkin," Barbara gave Tom a sad smile, resting their hands in her lap as she gave him a small, reassuring squeeze.
"It’ll be alright-”
Tom hated that answer more, giving a frustrated noise as his eyes started welling with tears.
“Honey,” Barbara frowned at the tears coming out of her child’s eyes, it hurt to see him so upset, gently running her thumb along his cheeks to swipe them away. “I’m still mama, I’m still you mom.”
She led Tom’s hand over her heart, letting him feel the steady beating of it. The constant and steady pattern of thumping seemed to entrance him for a moment until his mild rocking and distressed noises slowly came to a halt.
“See? It’s still me, baby.” She cooed, running her thumb along the back of her son’s hand. “My hair is gone, but I’m here.”
“Sometimes, in life,” Barbara began, setting Tom’s hands down in his lap again now that he was calmer. “things change, and we can’t control it. Like my hair, you couldn’t control that, could you?”
Tom looked up from watching his hand feel the steady movement of her heart pumping, looking up at his mother’s face. He still looked displeased and upset, but less so, even going as far as to reach for where her hair used to be, trying to grab at the air around her head like it was still there. Fruitless.
She held his hand again, pressing it against her cheek with a broad smile, one she gave him often. He couldn’t keep his resentment for long, giving his own goofy smile back with a giggle. The way her gap tooth showed when she smiled that big was forever burned into his memory, only disappearing from her face so that she could kiss the palm of her son’s hand.
Tom shook his head, frowning at the thought but keeping a wide eyed expression to his mother as she continued her lesson. She smiled to him once again.
“Well, that happens a lot in life.” She sighed, cupping Tom’s cheek in her hand. “And no one likes it, you’re not alone for thinking that. But what you can control is how you deal with the change. Like how you showed me how upset you were, so now we’re talking about it. Do you feel better about it now?”
Tom took a moment, eyes casted down as he thought on it. He gave a small nod as he looked back up at her.
“Good.” She beamed. “And from now on, I’ll do my best to let you know beforehand when I make a change like that, alright?” She kissed Tom’s forehead, causing the child to give a small giggle. That was her favorite noise.
Now, Tom was always a Mama's Boy (not in a derogatory way, he just loved his mom a whole hell of a lot) but even moreso after his father died. They both were grieving and so it caused them to cling closer together because of it, to the point that had it not been for his friend (at the time only Matt, but later Edd too as this was before Tord was introduced to the friend group) he probably would've completely self isolated
They do a ton of things together as Tom gets over and they both eventually heal from Peter's death, baking, sewing, shopping, watch movies, anything they can do when they have the chance to hang out together
They were so close in fact that Barbara was genuinely the first person he came out to for being nonbinary (He/They pronoun user :) ) and of course she loved him unconditionally, but he didn't even tell Matt, Edd or Tord (now in Highschool and having been introduced to delinquent) that yet
However, later in his highschool years, around late Junior year (11th grade) or early Senior year (12th grade) of highschool his mother dies as well. Not from a freak bear with a gun attack though, instead from Pneumonia, which is something she tends to get a lot and always had in her youth, and while it usually isn't fatal and there is treatment and whatnot and she definitely took as much as help as she could, this time just hit different it seemed.
This really fucked with Tom during some of his most important years of his life and caused him to go into a BIG depressive episode for a long long time
Side note that I guess also kinda applies: Had it not been for Tord being just as stubborn of a jackass as Tom, he would've completely self isolated. Edd and Matt helped a lot in his youth but he also had his mom to encourage him, but now with his immediate family all gone he didn't see much of a reason to interact with people. And where Edd and Matt lack in persuasion, Tord more than makes up for in the lack of giving a fuck and would literally drag Tom outside even if he was kicking and screaming. This is mostly because Tord is second only to Tom himself in how durable he is, like a brick shithouse (built like one, too) and not afraid to make Tom hate him if it meant getting him better in the long run (a running theme I have for their relationship :) they're less so "GRR I HATE YOU I HOPE YOU DIE /GEN" and more of like have this weird understanding with eachother where like "I'll literally kill you if you touch me but I'd kill anyone you touched you" type beat, unafraid to get the other to hate them for the greater good because they have the understanding that they wouldn't do something so wildly stupid for no reason. Yes that plays into The End and the future events of WTFuture)
I love them so much oh my god you have zero idea
Anyway, TL;DR
Tom and his mom are extremely close and helped each other get through the worst of times while Tom continues to learn the lesson of "everything changes, it's out of your control, and you can only control how you proceed with it"
#jay talk#jay answers#also i just wanted to add: the reason Tom's mom is bald has nothing to do with any sort of illness or genetic disorder#she just was like “fuck it” and decided she wanted to shave it off#i know that sounds weird but i try to incorporate it in the way she dresses too#i chose this because one: [insert bowling ball joke here]#and two: to show her openness as a character and that's got nothing to obscure who she is#not wearing layers. usually not wearing long sleeves unless it's cold. same thing with pants and they're usually skinny if she does#character design is my passion and psychoanalysis is my game I'm sorry you have to deal with it lol#i really need to draw her more i love Mrs. Barbara Inkwell#and thank you Neil for asking this#I'm bursting at the seams /pos#and I'm trying to get back into the writer grind 💪💪 so this helps lol#sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask lol got my creative mojo back so I'm grabbing it by the reigns and multitasking#to the best of my ability without burning myself out that is#i guess i'll add the ew tags cause this is like a headcanon rant so#eddsworld#ew#ew tom#tom#ew tom's mom#tom's mom#ew oc ?#barabara#barbara inkwell#peter was mentioned#fun fact: he took barb's last name cause he despised his own last name :)#also her name's inkwell and that's sick as fuck#eddsworld headcanons
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ohh i think im coming to a bit of a realization actually as to why mmos are so scary when im forced to party
#its like#in a single player game i can take all the time i need to prepare myself if i have to and i know pretty much the extent of my ability/skill#but with other people (especially people i dont know) i have no idea if theyre ready or if theyre confident#so i feel like i have to sorta... carry everyone? even if im already aware that they have much more experience than me#i dont really mind the learning process of wiping until we memorize the fight i actually think its really fun#but it sorta always lingers in the back of my mind that if *I* dont play well then it might make things unfun for everyone else#which is massively amplified when most of the party are complete strangers who are also new to the content because then i *really* dont know#so i have to play really really well or else if someone has a bad time or the run goes really badly itll be “my fault”#but since im still pretty new im almost guaranteed to mess up eventually. so i guess im considering it a foregone conclusion at that point#which is apparently way too much self-inflicted guilt for me to handle. i just kinda give up before i try because i think ill cause problems#this all probably has absolutely nothing to do with how i think about myself subconsciously in general though. nope. probably not.#anyway thank you for coming to my fucking ted talk im sorry if anyone actually read all that
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