#like sure maybe part of it is just. that im still not used to seeing her actually look white so she looks sickly but | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asheepinfrance · 18 hours ago

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tashisita. tash tash. miss dunc dunc. the duncanator. tashi washi bobashi banana fana fofashi. i love her so bad. i hope this came out alright because ive been putting off writing this for maybe?? a week. so. yeah. it's been busy lately but also im just lazy so you choose what actually kept me from posting anything of substance... The Substance (2024). im gonna stop doing this now. hope you enjoy <3 as always yada yada comments and critiques appreciated blah blah i love you.

Had you taken the time to grow up faster, maybe your timing wouldn’t be so bad. You’d been too busy enjoying the sweet, innocent moments of childhood to grapple with your pending adulthood, or at least your first steps into it. College: the one thing that had been both at the forefront of your mind and desperately pushed to the wayside. If you can’t see it, it can’t see you. The process of applying was a blur, but Tashi had helped you out, and you do remember those parts. You remembered all the movie breaks, the nights smoking haphazardly rolled joints out of her bedroom window and panicking every time you heard her parents’ footsteps in the hall, you remember each night you’d spend hours whispering and giggling into each other’s faces and each time your bare leg would touch hers it just made you laugh more. Those times still felt like clinging onto childhood, those times still felt like being young enough not to worry about anything outside of the four walls of your bedroom, still painted the pale pink you’d chosen when you were four. You can’t change it now, or you lose that safety blanket of still having a piece left of little you. Perhaps that’s what was so unfortunate about the whole situation: Tashi was what kept you from growing up, and now that you’re about to leave, you’re grown enough to realize there’s something there you’d never wanted to acknowledge.

Everyone thinks Tashi is gorgeous, because she is. You’d never thought much of it when the thought crossed your mind. And, sure, that time in middle school spent using one another as kissing practice creeps up on you at night, when there’s an uncomfortable heat in your body that nothing seems to be fixing. You were teenagers then, just barely, inexperienced and using far too much tongue. Sloppy, to be blunt. It’s still the best kiss you’ve ever had. But none of this meant anything unless you let yourself think it did. So it meant nothing, until today. Until a day before Tashi goes to Stanford, and she’s ripped out of the grasp you didn’t know was as tight as it is. If you didn’t find something to make you laugh, you’d most certainly cry, and Tashi was never one for tears, so you made an arrangement. You’re pressed shoulder to shoulder on the bed you still sleep in for the next few days, watching some movie that you hadn’t watched since the 7th grade. It isn’t very good now that you both can think more critically than finding the actors attractive. She’d always found the teenage boy with the blue eyes adorable, you’d always found his girlfriend more interesting.

There’s nothing more interesting happening on screen than there is right beside you. A living, breathing girl who holds every piece of your heart in her hands, whether she knows it or not. You hadn’t even be aware until just now, but it’s not new. She’s had you since the moment you’d met her, just the way she caught everyone. She kept you, though, and that’s not a common privilege. You can live with never being loved by her if you get to keep the knowledge that for one time you were hers. She’s too perceptive not to feel your eyes on her, because she’s always been too much of everything that she has. You know she feels you listening to the sound of her breathing like it’s the world’s most beautiful symphony, she can see that you’re letting your eyes walk the leisurely path of her cheeks, climb the steep mountain of her nose, just to reunite with hers. You, however, aren’t perceptive enough to know that she revels in it.

Tashi found you confusing, despite understanding you so well. It’s not that she didn’t understand you, because she could probably write out your exact internal monologue if all she received was a sidelong glance, she didn’t understand why you do to her what you do. Was it your unending loyalty, like a dog to its owner? Was it the way you sought her out in every crowd, even if you could hold your own without her? Was it that you seem to be the only person who expects nothing of her but a friend? Maybe it was all of those things. Or, maybe, it was none of them. Maybe it was just that you are you, that you always have been you, despite the changes made. And she loves you like she thought she never could love anyone. She loves you the way she loves tennis: like you set everything in her on fire and make her bend and sway like a melting candle. It’s fine when it’s tennis. Tennis is set by rules, ones which she has an expert grasp on, and commands with ease. With you, it’s terrifying. She can’t predict the way you make her feel because it’s different. It’s new. It’s something that makes her fiddle with the cross around her neck at night, staring at her ceiling, because all she can think about is you, you, you. You when you borrowed her dress for a party and wore it better than she ever could, you when you curled into her in sleep, you when you floated through a room like your feet never needed to make contact with the ground. Effortless in all that you do, is what she thinks. You feel so deeply, and hold things so tenderly, and she’d rather never play tennis again than never experience the depths of you the way she wants to.

She tells you she loves you, like she has a million times over. You respond the same way you have since middle school, a whispered reciprocation of sentiments. And she aches, she melts, you never stop watching her with utter fascination. She’s loved you for a long time, of course, because that’s what best friends do. She’s been in love with you since you first let her be herself, and not what tennis needs her to be: a teenage girl. She waits for the gears to start turning in your head, for that light in your eyes to shift to one of pensiveness. Tashi has never been one to wait for anything. She grabs opportunity by the hair and pulls it towards her. She doesn’t bask in glory, just moves on to the next conquest. But she waits for you. She’ll wait until her hair is gray and the smooth planes of your face have aged with time, and she’d love you just the same. It hurts to wait so long, but she likes it. She likes that ache to remind her she can feel, to remind her that this is a sacrifice worth making. Beauty is pain, and what you have, what you could have, is beautiful. It’s only right it should burn her a bit.

You do realize, though. You realize, and convince yourself you’re wrong, and realize all over again. You take in that sweet, all-knowing gaze of hers and it’s still true that if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Cry big, happy tears that run off your face and into your lap. Maybe she’d wipe them for you. But you choose to laugh. You laugh, untamed and free, raucous and unabashed, and the most beautiful thing Tashi has ever heard. That sound alone could pull her from sleep, send her into a trance. She’d do anything you asked if it meant hearing that again. She could go deaf and be satisfied with all she’s heard, blind because she’s seen all the beauty the world can offer, and it’s wrapped up into one tangible human being. A human being who’s now cupping her face in their palms and breathing in her scent and kissing her like she’d only ever been kissed in middle school. It’s more practiced and controlled now, with the two of you having gained experience through the years. It feels the same. It feels better. It feels like pulling gasps and sighs from each other’s mouths with the brush of a tongue or the caress of a thumb. Timing is bad, sure, now that there’s less time to explore this in person, but you’ve got tonight. You’ve got enough time to familiarize with each other’s bodies the way you have each other’s souls, to kiss one another breathless, to make your hearts beat in time. You can worry about the final things to pack, or the movie you were never really watching’s ending some other time. Right now, it’s Tashi. Tashi and the freedom of letting yourself be who you are, with who you want to be yourself with, without the fear of being judged for it.

#challengers #challengers fic #tashi duncan #tashi duncan x reader #tashi duncan get behind me #she needs no fixing i'd just stand behind her and go YEEEAHHH THAT'S MY GIRL #god if you can hear me #this woman needed a hug and a good piece of fruit #actual fruit not whatever the fuck art and patrick had going on

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muhlsworld · 1 day ago

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WE’RE MEANT TO BE

synopsis: maybe you weren’t so done with nika as you thought

WARNINGS: part 4, cussing, arguing, bad writing

it had now been 4 months since the jet night at ted’s. and you meant it when you said you didn’t want to know nika anymore. you did everything in your power to avoid her and to not think of her. and you were successful.. for the most part.

your season was over. finally. so now it was enjoying the rest of the school year, with ocasional practices of course but nothing you couldn’t handle. you were content with how your life was going now. one thing you did change over the course of these months was that you no longer went out every weekend like you used to. you stopped spontaneously hooking up with people. you were just enjoying the college life. and you were doing good.

so today you had a free day for the most part besides catching up on some homework. you were in your dorm enjoying your alone time when your phone buzzed. thinking nothing of it you check to see what the notification was. as you check your phone your stomach drops.

it was an unknown number. the messages stated ‘i need to talk to. please. it’s important. -nika’. how did she even get your number? you had no idea why she barely reached out now after 4 months of no contact. you were confused to say the least. you didn’t know what to do. your brain was telling you to ignore the message. you’re don’t with her. you don’t need her. but your heart was ted something else.

before overthinking it you sent a text back reading ‘okay.’ a simple response. your heart was practically beating out of your chest. why did you just do that?

what you didn’t know what that nika was freaking out that you had even replied in the first place. she was so sure that you weren’t going to. and to not keep you waiting so long she replied instantly ‘come to my dorm?’.

on your end you opened the message as fast as you could. ‘yeah, send the address.” simple. nika replied yet again ‘were in the same building. room 204.’ and with that message you were on your way. your mind was racing. you had no idea why you even accepted to this. you were done with her.. right? what could she possibly say you thought. and before you knew it you were at her door. but you hadn’t knocked for some reason. you couldn’t. you were nervous. eventually you knocked.

nika opened the door, shock written all over her face that you had actually agreed to talk to her. she stepped aside letting you in to her apartment. when you walked in you noticed every little thing about her dorm. she hadn’t changed. everything about her dorm reminded you of her old house and when you would go over. it made you feel uneasy.

“thank you for coming. i know you didn’t want to hear from me and you didn’t owe me anything but im glad you came.” nika stated. “uh would you like something to drink?” she asked after a few moments of silence. “i’m okay thank you” you replied. “okay well you can take a seat on the couch if you’d like” nika said as she sat down herself. you nodded and sat with a bit of distance between you two.

“why’d you ask me here nika?” you asked look at her. she sighed before she answered. “i just wanted to tell you the truth. i needed you to hear it even if we weren’t talking anymore.” she said. “okay.” you replied indicating her to keep going.

“when we hooked up, i didn’t cheat on my boyfriend. we we were on a break. we had this huge fight and decided to take a break. and when you saw us at the gym we had barely gotten back together. you weren’t just a quick fuck to me okay? you mean more than that to me.” nika said in a slight whisper. you stared at her in complete disbelief. what did she mean by you mean more to me? do you still mean something to her? before you could ask she started talking again. “i know im nothing to you now but i just wanted you to know that me leaving that day without saying goodbye was the worst thing i could have ever done. if i could go back i would.” she said. you looked at her and saw tears in her eyes. that sight made you want to drop everything and hug her.

but you didnt.

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. after all these years you finally heard what you wanted. you wanted to be with nika since the day you guys had become best friends. you waited for the day but it never came. was this the day it all turned around.

“nika i don’t know what to say.” you said honestly. she sighed looking down. as if that wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “that’s okay. i just wanted you to know. i know you wanted nothing to do with me anymore so don’t worry i wont reach out to you again.” she said, her tone laced with sadness. but that’s not what you wanted.

“nika look, i love you. i always have and always will. but you hurt me so bad.” you said. “i know and i don’t know what else to say other than im sorry. but i can’t go on without you.” nika said tears finally slipping from her eyes. and in that moment you broke.

“come here.” you said with your arms open for her. she fell into you and it was like your bodies were meant for each other. perfectly molding together. and in that moment you knew you couldn’t never hate her. but working to where you were before was going to take time. and maybe even becoming more.

“nika i want to be with you i do. but it’s going to take time. we haven’t had a meaningful conversation in years.” you said. and she nodded while her head was on your chest. “we can start over.” you said. “no bad blood, nothing. we start from scratch and we build our way up back to being friends.” you said. nikas heart shattered with the word friends. but before she could speak you said “and maybe more than friends.”

and with that nika was happy. it didn’t have to be right now but as long as you didn’t hate her she was happy.

“i can work with that.” nika said with a cheesy smile.

A/N: this got kind of sloppy but happy ending kinda?? anyway this is the last part of this little series but i hope you guys enjoyed it!!

please leave me some requests 🙏

#uconn #uconn wbb #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #nika muhl #nika muhl x reader #wnba x reader #wnba #wnba imagine #seattle storm

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marklikely · 3 months ago

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can i share a secret with you guys the one and only reason why i don't want to see wicked is because i hate how ariana looks in the movie so much that it makes me angry every time i see her in character

#like normally id at least want to check it out and give it a fair shake. but i simply Can't w this.#i have been biting my tongue out of fear that my issue is like . appearance shaming this woman somehow #but to be honest with you i think its more an issue of styling #like sure maybe part of it is just. that im still not used to seeing her actually look white so she looks sickly but #her skin tone + the blonde hair + the specific (ugly) shade of pink they have her in + the much maligned color grade of the trailers #it all makes her look so washed out and lifeless. she literally looks sick!#could nobody add some depth to her hair color or choose a better shade of pink for her?? something with ANY undertone??#i HATE looking at her in this role i hate the posters i hate the dolls i hate the trailer i hate the wicked 'dont use your phone' amc psa.#avpost #ive only talked to one person about this it was my coworker and she said theres speculation of some serious issues w her #which i dont feel comfortable spreading around bc its just celeb gossip but in the moment i was like.#you know what i wont count that out at least its *an* explanation for why she suddenly looks like an animated corpse???

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#there's something really beautiful about experiencing the weather patterns of a new place #where i live now. its not like where i grew up. not like the foothills of Appalachia but its more familiar than the Chihuahuan desert was #when i go home to ohio everythings so green. so green. unimaginably green and the towns are in the woods. the hills roll #and trees billow deciduous and packed so tightly the treeline is like a wall of plant matter. here there are trees but they are tall and #evergreen. patchy in places like shrubs in the desert. the grass grows green but also pale tan and dead. houses are routed in valleys #between mountains. they're made of wood and not stucco but they still look strange and the landscape is crumpled together tall. and there's #water. it rains. days can be dreary and gray with drizzle. i forgot what thats like. when a single low stratus cloud blocks out thewhole sk #and fog clings to the trees. my school bus used to drive by a lake where thr fog was so thick i didnt kno how the driver could see the road #but somehow i forgot how much joy suspended water vapor gives me living in a place where when it rains it pours so hard the streets flood #and the greedy ground drinks the landscape dry. but there are new things as well. here smoke rolls up over thr mountains and gets stuck in #the valleys so that the weather forcast reads: Smoke for days on end. im used to tornado warnings and heat warnings and dust storm warnings #but ive never expected Smoke as a type of weather. and im sure there's more to experience. ive only been here like 3 weeks. its not as gree #as home. the storms dont seem to get quite so violent. the woods are so full of bears that its an active threat. but its not the desert #and while ill miss the shapes of desert plants and little lizards. when i look up at the pine and spruce trees i feel like i can breathe a #little easier. well see how i feel once the long cold winter sets in haha #but i dunno. part of me still longs for a violent thunderstorm. one where u can feel the temperature drop and u csn feel it building all da #one that bends the trees and smells like ozone. it was never like that in thr southwest and im not sure that happens here #but maybe thats just a desire for chaos and violence as a product of my pathological internal control. i cant be spontaneous so let nature #bring the fear to me. some of my favorite memories are watching lightning strikes #so it goes i suppose #unrelated #listen. is it fucked up to have ohio nostalgia? maybe so. but in my defense i grew up in the pretty part of ohio lol

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christakisbang · 8 months ago

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not the prayer type but currently praying to anything that can hear that those images in the pre-order preview are just placeholders ❤️

#and i know people r like don't be naive it'll definitely be in the album singles always are #but unlike time-out and wolfgang and whichever else. this one alr got a physical release?#granted it flopped by skz standards but surely that should be indication enough that u shouldn't try again???#im gonna have hope until the tracklist releases like maybe they're just the newest individual concept pics they have and they #had to use them to show it's member covers for that version and it means nothing more :D #anw. if u support that song and r somehow still here pls see urself out i thought the tumblr part of the fandom kind of had it together #but i saw someone tag my gifs with lyrics from it so u can never be sure #tbd

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quarklynx · 5 months ago

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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?

#lynx thinks #oh nooooooooooooooooo #nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris #ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester #and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree #and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w #heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university #so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art #and it might be better than a masters in art too #I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time #but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all #its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much #idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days #and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying #i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now #I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity #i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz

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philosophicallie · 8 months ago

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ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me

#being dramatic but idk im also trying to think abt why i am this way #in part to the fact that i inherently view myself as a burden and always have since a child since i could like. comprehend the things my mom #was going through for my life & moving the america etc etc #but like yeah i was basically as independent as couldve been in the PH bc i had multiple ppl who could take me places and take care of me #but in the US it was just my parents and our family and our X amnt of cars #idk i just keep thinking about how much i miss doing anything in my life and how i used to be a dancer a martial artist a potter like #there was so much to me and now because i refuse to learn to drive and get a car i just. am locked out of everything #bc my aspirations cant work out on 1 vehicle in sparse & spread ohio #like idk maybe its the fact that i always was just like im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to go out in the summer #im not allowed to visit friends or extra places or events #never really been independent until i basically ran away and even now im just #only partially independent bc sure i have money and i have my own space but. im dependent on a driver and other ppls schedules and it just #idk i cant not see myself as a burden all i can think of is that im not a good enough woman let alone wife and thats something no one wants #like i barely know how to cook i barely eat i dont clean i barely wash i barely provide like. yeah idk also ever since i had a breakdown #i feel fundamentally just. changed especially about food. and idk i have been asking for others to cook for me more but i still am waiting 4 #the next time someone says you can make it yourself and i starve for the next 24 hours #idk dude i literally cannot see myself as not a work of labor. its all mama ever ranted at me about. very verbally very constantly up until #i stopped being difficult with her being the head of the family of like 12 #whatever. whatever #im done blaming someone else im gonna eat my words with regret and shame :/

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killjoy-prince · 6 months ago

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Ray's After Ending is so funny because for a good chunk of it, most of the RFA members are knocked out by V's sleeping gas (Saeran is immune, Saeyoung isn't present bc he was kidnapped by his agency under his father's orders and MC wakes up in like an hour) but the game has a call feature where you can call the characters and it would be a waste if you couldn't use it bc the characters were unavailable so instead they have other people pick up the call (Jumin's driver picks up Jumin's phone, Jumin's father picks up Zen's phone, Yoosung's friends and mom pick up Yoosung's phone and Jaehee's coworkers pick up Jaehee's phone) and we do get to learn about the characters from outsider's point of view but it's so funny to me that these people are visiting their loved ones and suddenly the phone rings and they decide to just. answer it. and start talking to this stranger they've never met

#prince's talk tag #maybe its not actually weird people just pick up their loved one's phone call for them but i personally wouldn't #i cant stop thinking about how its Jumin's father that uses Zen's phone like Chief Han what were you doing in Zen's room??#i know they needed to assign somw character to Zen and he's not on speaking terms with his family #but I would of thought Chief Han would go to Jumin and the driver could go to Zen #does this mean something? am i thinking too hard about this?#also rip yoosung his friends and mom lowkey kinda dragging him in their call with you #and with the friends since one of them is a girl one of the options is like 'A girl?!?! are you dating??' and shes like 'no lolol'#'he's nice but i dont see him like that'#the main thing that made me make this post was thinking about Yoosung's mom saying how Jumin calls her sometimes and sends her holiday gift #like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idk man that just plays on a loop in my head #i know thats like a very professional thing to do. Jumin was raised to please people in a business capacity #and the he cares about the RFA so yea it makes sense. im sure he has gifts sent out to companies his works with #and I'm sure if the other members had a good relationship with their parents hed do the same with them #but in the RFA Yoosung and I guess V are the only ones with parents they talk to #idk if he sends a gift to V's father tho bc we never talk to him #but man. while i know hed do it with the other members if he could just the fact he does it with Yoosung is sweet #and it makes the part in Seven's route where he calls Yoosung's mom about her son's dilemma make sense to me bc they do talk once in a whil #so its not too out of the blue when he does it i guess #but man can we talk about how awesome Jaehee is? bc her coworker that picks up her phone spends every call gushing about her #like we knew she's great at her job but man hearing her coworker talk about her fills me with such love and admiration #and she's apparently really loved by the other assistants too like they all gush about her #jaehee is the best character in the game im not joking around #they wanna get close to her but bc she's their boss it's hard T_T #and the one that picks up the phone wishes Jaehee knows she was the one that stood with her overnight when she wakes #Yuni (the assistant you're talking to) says she would of quit the job had it not been for her #LIKE!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!#it was a nice way to use the call feature during the first two days of the characters not being awake to answer #and even though this is supposed to be the last thing you play before completing the whole game #you still learn something new about the characters you've known since day 1

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brltpop · 7 months ago

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And speaking of kevin bacon, i read a recent interview of his where he said he wanted to experience living "like normal people do" so he asked a special effects artist to change his appearance to go to a crowded venue and said he absolutely hated the experience because no one recognised him, people pushed him and were rude, no one asked for a photo or gave him a shout out, he had to wait in line to get a simple coffee AND he didn't get any sort of benefit/discount at the venue and legit said he just wanted to go back home to get rid of the disguise and be famous again and like........ the layers of this whole thing 😵‍💫

#it's like... an interesting experiment #i mean for starters... 'living like normal people do' is such an odd thing to say #like idk man. im sure he's used to another kind of life but don't they get tired of being recognised everywhere they go?#imagine going to do a simple errand only to have people staring at you llike if you were a piece of meat or sth #or maybe he likes attention but still!#also him saying it made him sad that coffeeshop employees didn't make him skip the line #or that no one shouted him 'i love you' from afar #it's so ?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿#that's a world i definitely do not know #what i find most interesting yet very sad is when he said that ppl were very rude and kept pushing him rather than giving him space to walk #because in a way its true: people will push you and most won't even apologise if they do!#and that sucks!#the fact that he. a celeb. is used to have people giving him space to do stuff is ???¿¿¿#bc basically people are like 'yeah we'll push each other and be rude except to the almighty celebrities who walk among us'#like... what is this dnjxjdj #you're supposed to be civilized with everyone. not just with celebs #idk man i know if the karfashians had said and done what he did it would've been controversial #but i do see an interesting side part of the whole thing #rambless

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ame-to-ame · 7 months ago

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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris #muscle memory is crazy #i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic #when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good #but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor #what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet #bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back #and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id #it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category #or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is #my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread #something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it #but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore #ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me #delete later

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strawbebemilk · 1 year ago

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Was just having a conversation with my friends the other day about how difficult it is to be a fan of things nowadays and actually avoid spoilers and so in preparation I blocked/muted literally every jjk tag I could think of across sites and somehow I still immediately open tiktok to spoilers (which is not too surprising as tiktok has literally the WORST filtering system I've seen, like even tumblr has their shit together better than that). But anyway it just kinda makes me sad that it's almost impossible to be online now and actually enjoy things at your own pace? It makes me think of when Netflix drops whole seasons and suddenly it's a race to binge everything so you don't get spoiled and I do think it's actively killing our enjoyment of things. Obviously this case is a lil different, the leaks still come out on a weekly basis but I think there's really something to be said about reading a finished product rather than seeing 25 blurry images of the same panel with iffy translations

#and sure i could just not go online ever #but also when ive taken literally every precaution possible and you know #do my best to cultivate the online experience i want #i should not still be walking through a mine zone #and like im lucky obviously in the fact that i am a manga reader so its not like i only watch the anime and am hugely spoiled #but its still fucking annoying #and also just such a huge shift from how leaks used to be treated?#like im not dumb leaks have been around for sooo long and thats fine whatever #but even just like #two years ago i could expect all the leaks and spoilers to be tagged and passed around in such a way that i could avoid them #but now #god i think the assumption is just that everyone wants to see the leaks #and because no one knows how to shut up #as soon as the leaks come out EVERYONE talks about them and theres the inherent fear that youre missing something now #that your not part of the moment #but omg #maybe the way i want to discover information is when i read it when and how the author intended #which of course #bold words from a chronic pirater i am aware of the irony there #but even in those instances im not reading leaked information its all so #fkfjshfhdosos #anyway #the consensus is learn how to use the tagging system and also maybe learn how to be quiet

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moshieee · 1 year ago

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Ew, essays :[

I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue

-🎁

I hated kindergarten

Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends

However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!

Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...

Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks

Sorry in advance

#asks #off topic #seriously tho i hate essays so much #one of them is already 5 pages and thats just the rough draft #i better get a fucking high pass on that shit or i will scream #shes actually making us focus on out writing process and OH HO.HO BOY IS MINE A MESS #I SWEAR ITS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE A SKETCH BUT YOU KEEP PAINTING CERTAIN PARTS BECAUSE IT HAS TO LOOK NICE #ONLY TO RELIZE OH WAIT MAYBE THAT DOESN'T GO THERE AND I SHOULD ACTUALLY SHIFT IT AROUND #OR MAYBE I COULD SWAP THIS TOO BE THAT LOOKS AWFUL AND IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TILL ITS A RIVER OF BLOOD AND PAINT #AND SHE WANTS TO SEE MY ROUGH DRAFT??? HONNEY YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT READING THE MARIO SUNSHINE SPEEDRUN CATEGORY BACKWARDS THEN #UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IM TRYING TO WRITE ITS WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL IN ONE GO OTHERWISE I HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT #WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THIS MESS!!! OOOHH WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO ORGANIZE THIS WELL SHIT THATS GOING TO TAKE EVEN #LONGER YOU ALREADY GOT ME WRITING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME STOP MUCH LESS MAKE ME SWITCH SUBJECTS TO ANOTHER ESSAY HALF WAY THROUGH OH BU #AND GUESS WHAT!???? ONE PAGE! DOUBLE SPACE! AND IM NOT GOING TO GIVEN GIVE YOU A DIRECTION TO WRITE IN JUST ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WE LEARNED #IN THESE LAST TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS FUCKING HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE AND FORGETFUL I AM??? MUCH LESS THE FACT KTS ABOUT ETHNICS #I DIDNT EVEN EANT TO TAKE AN ETHNICS CLASS I WANTED ETHICS I FUCKING HATE EVERY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW #LIKE YEA SURE I KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT BUT I STILL HATE ESSAYS and j know my teachers are trying their best...#but jeese ethnics is such a difficult topic because on one had yea i relate to what these people are going through im part of the LGBT #are statistics are very similar but im also bery much a white person and not openly trans/non binary i dont want to look like some stuck up #white person going oooo look at the poor minorities i can TotAlLy relate and now im going to talk about me #because im genuinely scared of coming out idk whos accepting and whos not at least online im safe and can block people...#jeese im sorry for the rant i shouldn't have gone on that much less my art blog #this is supposed to be a positive blog but i just need to put this somewhere or i feel im going to cry out of frustration im sorry #rant post #system #oops moshie got emotional

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benanazauce · 1 year ago

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my spidey ‼️‼️‼️

can’t BELIEVE I haven’t posted this yet I’m still proud of it

she lives in a vaporwave inspired universe and she’s somewhat in the style of the archie comics I hope you like her

character sheet under the cut!! I posted it before but it’s buried

the art’s a bit old so she’s not in her actual style here

by the way she does wear glasses she just can’t wear them under her mask but the lenses of her mask have prescription degrees so she can see just not without it

no idea what she’s looking at here probably a bug on a floor to the side

also disregard the 3 points below “bitten by a cat that ate the radioactive spider” those are irrelevant now but I will make an updated character sheet when I’m free!! hopefully a better one too

#oc #spiderverse oc #spidersona #bennet parker #hopefully you guys can see the screen tones #by the way! to replace the irrelevant points in the character sheet #actually only 2 of them I’m still workshopping the canon event because I want her to be happy IM SO SORRY BEN IT HAS TO BE DONE #she doesn’t know hobie! maybe I can try to make them meet but the society is HUGE so I’m not sure how but then again he’s quite well known?#she doesn’t DISLIKE Miguel per say just really irritated at him for scolding her so much #she’s always getting in trouble #she only starts disliking him after the whole miles thing since she’s around the same age as miles and is like “dude wtf. he’s a kid too—#—you can’t just do that”#anyways she’s also part cat from the cat that bit her #she uses web shooters she doesn’t have actual web #she’s pretty much only got spider senses and the traits of a ginger cat #her pupils can dilate and contract and stuff #not to that big of an extent but still a considerable amount #it’s a cool party trick

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malkaviian · 2 years ago

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i have a headache but also i dont want to go to sleep just yet dkjnfjds i want me-time

(warning: as i was writing the tags of this post this turned into another kinda-heavy rant about the situation my group of friends and i are. so keep that in mind)

#things were weird today when She(tm) was there but when she left things were normal again #but these hours were kinda stressful rip or more like... there was an inherent discomfort and tension in the air #with some ugly commentaries and actions on her part. like its your (supposed) best friend's birthday at least try to hide your disgust 👍#birthday you ~apparently~ forgot until it the day before. also you didnt had a single penny to spend on the gift for him #but you sure as hell had it to go eat with your college friends to expensive places! girl at least dont post about it on insta #and just in case; this wasnt a '*goes to expensive places before* -oh i dont have money sowwy :(('#this was a '-oh i dont have money sowwy :(( *goes to expensive places after it*'#what we were asking for collaboration was way less than what she spent on those places. it was AT THE VERY LEAST 3000 ars per food #and you know what she wanted to give for the gift? 500 ars!!! you cant buy shit with it; let alone if we only collaborated with 500 each #like she wanted. we're 4; genuine question what kinda shit can you buy for $2000. maybe a good quality cup but we already gave him that #but even then the point is not the money; the thing is the attitude. you cant spend more than $500 on us #but you can spend at least $6000 on your other friends; given you went to eat with them two days in a row. priorities i guess?#OH! and talking about it!! can you fucking believe she INVESTIGATED the phone of our ~new~ friend (the one shes jealous of)#and DEADASS said 'oh i see. my mom has an A51'. our friend has an A20 if im not wrong; which might not be an A51 but its. still expensive??#also your mom has an A51 but you have an iPhone 5 since you were on high school. but hey; apple i am right?? inherently better than an A20 #sorry i have less than that; i have an A10s (that i got on the start of 2020). can i still breathe the same air as you and your mom /s #once again the problem is not the money or the phone or WHATEVER. its the fucking attitude shes having. you want to pretend you have money #and act like youre superior to people who 'dont'; when in reality YOU ARE MIDDLE CLASS. YOU ARENT UPPER CLASS; NOT EVEN UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS #YOURE MIDDLE CLASS. MIDDLE CLASS LIKE THE REST OF US; NOT LIKE YOUR COLLEGE FRIENDS YOU LOVE SO MUCH AND WANT TO IMPRESS #YOU SPEND MONEY YOU DEFINITELY DONT HAVE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO APPEAR UPPER-MIDDLE AT THE VERY LEAST. but thats a lie #a lie that if these beloved friends bothered to ACTUALLY know even the slightest about you; like we do; would fall apart. but they wouldnt!#because they dont care about you as much as we care(d). do you think they will tolerate this fucking attitude youre having towards us?#no they wouldnt. trust me; they WOULDNT. they will tell you to fuck off and leave you completely alone. go cry a river.#god fucking dammit why are you like this. WHY you turned like this. or rather; why we were SO GODDAMN blind we didnt noticed this before #negative

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8bitgarden-sys · 7 months ago

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Op be like

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.