#like on one hand good that [redacted] can [redacted] on the other hand shes still my friend so. hm. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pupyuj · 1 year

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→ “temporary fix.” || yoon seeun x reader fic.

— being friends with yoon seeun means doing whatever it takes to help her forget that the fact that her ex has become significantly happier without her, so you give her exactly what she needs...

word count: 3.5k.

dynamic: dom!bottom!yoon seeun x sub!top!virgin!reader.

content warnings: smut, fingering, nipple play, a bit of hair pulling, this is surprisingly very tame despite the image i had for it initially oh—

requested? : nope.

a/n: my first stayc fic <3 i enjoyed making this, and i hope you guys like it! sorry if there are major errors!! i was really hoping i finished this way earlier but alas... life 🥲 anyway this is just one of my many gifts for you for getting this blog to reach 1k!! you're all amazing n i love you and i'll see you guys in the next fics and the [REDACTED] hehehe 👀

“she has to be doing this on purpose at this point.”

you say, as your best friend seeun stares bitterly at her ex-girlfriend from far away. chaeyoung sat on the poolside with her ankles in the water and she was laughing loudly at whatever the hell her other friends were doing in the pool. there was some kind of longing in seeun’s eyes and you knew what it meant, it was easy to figure out after all. seeun missed chaeyoung, and deeply regrets leaving her for a reason she has yet to disclose with you still. even after two years of the break-up in question.

“i mean, come on! this is the fourth party where she was ‘coincidentally’ invited to along with her ex—you.”

you do try to desperately cheer seeun up. you have never once liked seeing her in despair. but something about seeing chaeyoung smiling that widely, shining that brightly, and laughing that loudly does something to seeun’s brain. and it was always nothing good. either this night will end with seeun crying in your arms about how heartbroken she is for hurting chaeyoung the way she did, or neither of you will speak about the event and just sit solemnly on her bed eating pizza and drinking homemade smoothies while a movie plays in the background.

you hope that it will be something different tonight. maybe seeun will be smiling for once! you wanted her and chaeyoung to completely end things on good terms. you knew seeun wasn’t in love with chaeyoung because she had said so many times before, but before they were girlfriends, they were friends. and you knew that it was that them not being able to rekindle their friendship after their break-up was the real reason why seeun always gets so upset whenever she sees chaeyoung.

jayoon, one of chaeyoung’s friends, looks across the pool and meets gazes with seeun, who visibly freezes up. jayoon grins and waves at seeun excitedly, making the other girls as well as chaeyoung turn their heads in curiosity. sumin and yeeun wave at seeun as well, while sieun was rather surprised to see seeun being in the same place as chaeyoung. speaking of which, chaeyoung herself stared at seeun. the latter was convinced that her ex was going to look away, or look at her in disgust or something along those emotions but… chaeyoung smiled softly at her.

kind as ever. and fuck, seeun wanted to cry.

“(y/n)... can we leave?”

you looked at chaeyoung and your best friend back and forth, unsure of what to do.

“are you sure…? what if yujinnie looks for you—”

“i need to go, (y/n),” seeun pries her gaze away from chaeyoung. her eyes were brimming with tears and she grabbed your wrist tightly. “please. i can’t be in here.” seeun puts her head on your shoulder as her tears fall and conveniently, a crowd forms in front of the two of you, effectively hiding her from chaeyoung’s view.

“okay… let’s go.”

seeun wipes her tears away with the back of her hand and smiles at some passing stranger briefly before pulling you towards the front door. she bids goodbye to everybody like normal, expressing faux regrets and even using you ‘not feeling well enough to stay’ as an excuse. you play along of course, you would gladly drop anything for your best friend. yujin was pretty sad that her favorite people had to leave, but she was pretty pre-occupied with stopping a drunken jiwon and gaeul from doing keg stands to really care so she merely waved goodbye before the two of you disappeared behind the front door.

seeun wordlessly climbs into your passenger seat, strapping on the seatbelt and leaning back. you couldn’t read her expression, and it was scary. you decided not to ask about it, however, and pulled out of yujin’s driveway before driving away. seeun had your denim jacket covering her thighs from the chill, and she was looking out the window—no doubt there were a million thoughts going through her head at the moment. thoughts you hoped she would find to share with you so you could take care of her.

like the good best friend that you were, and always have been.

“where are we going, (y/n)?” seeun asks eventually, now looking a bit annoyed as she scans the houses outside.

“huh? i’m taking you to your house.”

seeun looks at you like you’ve lost your mind, “what? no. i want to go to your place tonight.”

“oh… okay.”

you drove past seeun’s house and at the same time, seeun decided to pull out her phone. most likely to text one of her parents that she wasn’t going to come home. it was a normal occurrence, anyway. seeun’s parents originally didn’t like sending their kid off to sleep at another person’s place—a stranger at that!—but you gained their trust eventually… and soon enough, a young yoon seeun found herself staying over your place twice every week.

nowadays, seeun doesn’t even have to tell her parents anything. they know she is always under your care.

“did you want to eat anything?” you asked as the two of you entered your house. it was dark and quiet, but not the kind that scared you. seeun shook her head as she slipped out of her sneakers, then she stood properly, staring as you placed your car and house keys on the key hooks by the door.

“what?” you said. seeun looked at you with wonder in her eyes, then she merely smiles at you before making her way towards your room. the final glance she sends you before she completely disppeared behind a corner made your heart skip a beat, as much as you didn’t want it to.

you followed seeun to your bedroom, where was already digging through her own drawer for some fresh set of clothes. you decided to collapse on your bean bag chair, sighing blissfully at the feeling of being in the comfort of your own bedroom. seeun goes to your bathroom with some clothes in hand, barely closing the door behind her. sure, seeun said she didn’t want anything to eat when you asked her earlier, but you knew she would be grumbling about being hungry after about thirty minutes of laying silently on the bed with you, so you decided to go on your phone to browse some good food to order.

“are we watching a movie tonight, seeun?” you asked as you scrolled through your phone.

“up to you.” seeun replied.

you sighed, looking at your black tv screen. “i do not want to…” you muttered, now finding it too much of a hassle to look for food to eat and a movie to watch. you decided to melt further in your bean bag chair, blinking away your fatigue until seeun came back out of the bathroom, ruffling her soft hair as she held her neatly folded party clothes in her arms.

“freshen up, sleepyhead.” seeun took your hand and pulled you up with much difficulty. seeun didn’t really think about how close the two of you would be, physically of course, before she pulled you up to your feet. right now, she could feel your breath on her face and your warmth on her skin—it all gave her goosebumps. seeun raises a hand and brushes a few stray hairs away from your face and… is she blushing?

“g-give me a minute.” you slipped past your best friend, grabbed a random combination of your usual sleepwear and disappeared insde the bathroom. your cheeks felt so hot, and your heart was beating erratically. what the fuck. you were afraid this would happen tonight. again.

truth to be told, lately you have been feeling a few things towards your very own best friend. you tsrtaed to find her prettier than normal, and sometimes you can’t even look or speak to her without your brain screaming at you like crazy. but you didn’t want to acknowledge it. you managed to convince yourself that you were just so terribly lonely that your heart has decided to ‘settle’ for your best friend. first of all, that was unacceptable considering seeun was hurting because of her ex-girlfriend! second, you knew seeun wouldn’t see you in that way, so why would you even bother?

and third, perhaps most importantly, one does not try to get into a romantic relationship with their best friend unless they want their heart to suffer the most gut-wrenching heartbreak ever. you cherished your heart too much to let yourself be hurt like that, so seeun? absolutely off limits!!

“i thought you said you didn’t wanna watch anything?” you teased as you walked out of the bathroom in some shorts and one of your big shirts. seeun was sitting on your bed, eyes glued to your tv screen as ‘clueless’ played.

“i had to find something to entertain me while you were taking your sweet time in there.” seeun pats the big empty space on your bed, beckoning you over. you settled beside her, relishing in the mingling feeling of your cold bed and your best friend’s warmth. seeun was closer to you than usual, or maybe you were overexaggerating… but then seeun hugs your arm, putting her chin on your shoulder… and with her lips so close to your skin, you couldn’t help but shiver.

“sorry i ruined your night. i know you wanted to be in that party,” seeun fidgeted with the hem of your shirt. “because of wonyoung, right? you guys have something, don’t you?” your best friend asked. she didn’t have to, though. she watched you develop this big stupid crush on the campus princess over the past few months, and she knew that she was the reason you were holding yourself back from fully committing all of your attention to the other girl.

seeun needed you, her best friend, especially at this time of her life.

“no, don’t worry about it. i’d rather be here, honestly. my head was starting to hurt.” you smiled at your best friend, surprising yourself by the close proximity. the tip of seeun’s nose nearly touched yours, making your breath hitch. it didn’t go unnoticed by seeun, of course, and her eyes flicker down to your lips.

your heart was hammering in your chest—this was really going to happen, isn’t it?

“thank you for being so willing to get me out of there. away from chaeyoung,” seeun whispered. a cold hand slips underneath your shirt, resting on your waist, and your best friend presses herseld up against you even more. an overly-sweet side hug, you were convinced.

that was until seeun climbed onto your lap, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling you even closer as if that was possible.

“you’ll help me heal from her, right, (y/n)? even just for one night?” seeun asked. of course you weren’t stupid, you knew what she was implying.

a part of you wanted to resist. seeun was your best friend. surely everything will change if the two of you were to go through with this, right? and you didn’t want anything like that to happen between the two of you. but how could you resist? especially when seeun brushes your hair back, cradles your face in her hands, and runs her thumb across your lips so gently? and how could you even think of pushing her away when she leans down and kisses you?

how could you stop yourself from melting? warmth bloomed across your chest the longer seeun’s lips were on yours. kissing her was like biting into a cotton candy—it was sweet, so sweet, and you could never get enough. and so you ask for more, and more you do get.

eventually, seeun was laying down on the bed with you on top of her. she was touching and groping as her lips moved expertly in sync with yours. you didn’t know what to do. as much as you liked what you were doing with seeun, you had no idea how to move further from this. so, you pulled back, but not too far as seeun stopped you from doing so by clutching your shirt, trying desperately to pull you back in. “s-seeun… wait, how do i… what do i do?” you were embarrassed to be asking that kind of question in the middle of the act, and even more embarrassed seeing your best friend laugh at you.

seeun was sweet about it, however. “i’ll help you, don’t worry.”

seeun kisses you again—one hand cupping your cheek and the other softly holding your wrist, guiding your hand all the way down her thighs, sneaking them in between and making you feel her cunt through her shorts. “touch me, (y/n). go on.” seeun whispers against your lips. and so you do—unzipping her jean shorts and slowly slipping your hand inside. you couldn’t believe you were touching your very own best friend’s pussy, and you couldn’t believe she was letting you! christ, she wasn’t just letting you, she was telling you to!

feeling her folds through the fabric of her panties, witnessing the slightest changes on seeun’s features as you did so. “come on… you can do better than that.” seeun said as she slightly bucked her hips into your hands. she was so desperate for your touch that she didn’t care that she looked ridiculous. she could never look like that to you though.

“a-are you sure…?” you just had to ask. seeun smiles softly at you, appreciating your intent but goddamn, she was so impatient that she didn't even reply. merely lifting her hips up and removing her shorts on her own, seeing that you weren’t going to do that anytime soon. you stared at your best friend incredulously as she threw her shorts to the side, all while smirking at your expression.

“still doubting what i want, (y/n)?” this time, seeun pulls off her shirt. she doesn’t let you ogle at her perfect body for too long before she takes your face in her hands and kisses you again. thankfully this time, you knew what to do with yourself, albeit barely. reaching behind seeun’s back and pulling off her bra, letting it fall off to the side on top of her discarded shorts. she tugs on the collar of your shirt, and immediately you took it off, also desperate to feel your best friend’s skin against yours.

“i always thought you were pretty, (y/n).” seeun says, her hands gliding along your back.

“i could say the same thing to you.” you said. you leaned back down, smiling briefly at your best friend before putting your lips on her neck, earning a soft moan. “is this okay?” you whispered against her skin. you only felt seeun nod before she leaned closer, clearly wanting you to continue, and so you do. you nipped and ran your tongue all over her neck until little red spots were blooming. perhaps you went overboard, but hearing seeun moan and softly call out your name as you did it just flipped a switch to your brain.

you couldn’t wait to touch her. to help her. to kiss her. tonight, she was yours. not to the little parts of chaeyoung that remained in her heart, but yours.

and you were going to make every single second of this worth it. for the both of you.

your lips trailed further down seeun’s body, quickly reaching her chest. you looked up at your best friend, searching for any sign of discomfort or uncertainty. there was none, so you proceeded with taking one of seeun’s boobs into your hand, gently squeezing it before wrapping your lips around the hard bud. while swirling your tongue around her nipple, your other hand slowly trailed down her stomach until you reached her panties, pulling it off without a problem and immediately cupping her dripping cunt.

“good job, (y/n)—ah…!” seeun buries her hands in your hair as you move on to her other nipple, giving it the same kind of care and attention as the other one. simultaneously, you pressed your fingers against seeun’s clit, circling it as well as teasing her entrance. “y-you’re not actually completely clueless, are you, baby?” seeun asks, her fingers threading your hair as you continue to pleasure her nipple. you opened your eyes, immediately meeting seeun’s very own soft ones. while you flicked her nipple with your tongue, you slowly inserted two fingers inside her, watching as she threw her head back in pleasure.

“g-good… good..!” seeun’s hold on your hair tightens, and it hurt a bit but you didn’t mind. you feel wrap one leg around your thighs, afraid that if she doesn’t lock you in, you would leave. but there was no way that was going to happen now—especially after you’ve felt just how warm she was inside. you pushed your fingers deeper inside her, rubbing her clit with your thumb in an attempt to soothe her but you didn’t know that it only sent her mind reeling.

you tilted her head, worry settling on your stomach when seeun clutches onto your shoulder a bit too tightly. “seeun?” you stopped your movements, pulling your fingers out and putting your hand on her abdomen to soothe her.

seeun glares at you, “don’t stop, (y/n).”

“i-i just thought—”

“fuck me. don’t think of anything else.”

seeun yanks on your hair and pulls your face up to hers, kissing you roughly. you kissed her back, your hand once again making its way down to her pussy. this time, you didn’t allow yourself to listen to the small voices in your mind that told you that something about all of this was so wrong. your best friend, seeun, was in a vulnerable place and even though she let you, you were taking advantage of it to satisfy your personal interests.

something was telling you to stop. to get yourself in the right state of mind. to tell your best friend that all the things she was doing to forget about chaeyoung, especially this, was wrong. but instead, you plunged your two fingers deep inside seeun, thrusting into her in a pace that made her swear, and moan so loud, and sob into your shoulder.

“ff-fuck…! fuck, (y/n)—more…” seeun wrapped her arms around your neck, completely burying her head hidden from view. you kissed her cheek before doing what she asked, increasing your speed even further and doing your hardest to hit all the right spots. every thrust, every lingering sensations on her clit, and every kiss filled seeun’s mind with only you. as much as it started to hurt now, seeun could only take what you were giving her—just so every remaining image of her ex-girlfriend completely disappears from her mind.

and perhaps that’s exactly what happened when you finally curled your fingers inside her and made her come all over your hand. you were pretty sure that you had multiple bleeding wounds on your back from the way seeun scratched you as she came undone, moaning your name and all.

you stared at seeun—she looked so fucking pretty all fucked out and sweaty. her chest heaved up and down, and she blinked the fatigue away because she knew that from the way you licked your fingers hungrily that you weren’t done with her. but that was all she wanted right now.

“all night, seeun,” you promised her. “if that’s what it’ll take you.”

and indeed, you fucked your best friend all night. seeun never once begged for you to stop. after every orgasm she had, she only asked for more until you knew she couldn’t come anymore. you were pretty sure that the sun had started rising up by the time seeun finally allowed herself to get some rest. you laid yourself down beside her, fixing up her hair as she slowly succumbed into sleep.

you talked yourself through your own worries since seeun wasn’t there to do so. consoling your own heart because you were so fucking terrified that everything wouldn’t be the same after all of this—after everything the two of you did this night.

you were prepared to face the worst when you woke up alone hours later. you expected to be cold, to feel empty inside but it was the exact opposite. when you opened your eyes, you felt warm and your heart was full.

maybe it was because of the fact that your blanket was placed carefully and perfectly so that it would cover your entire body from the cold. maybe it was because your room was illuminated by the beautiful sunlight streaming through your curtains.

or maybe because the first thing you saw after opening your eyes was seeun drying her hair with a towel after exiting your bathroom, looking at you and smiling and saying, “hey, sleepyhead.” ensuring you of the fact that absolutely nothing has changed, and will ever change between the two of you.

you have never been more happy to willingly ‘make a mistake’.

#stayc smut #stayc imagines #stayc x reader #stayc x fem reader #yoon seeun smut #yoon seeun imagines #yoon seeun x reader #seeun smut #seeun x reader #seeun imagines #seeun x fem reader #yoon seeun x fem reader #girl group smut #girl group imagines #girl group fluff

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 months

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reading update: july 2024

full disclosure: I started out July in a bit of a mental lurch, really feeling stuck in a rut. there are a lot of reasons for that, absolutely none of which need to be shared with the general populace of tumblr dot com, but suffice to say that I was feeling listless and reading was not a high priority. I was pretty content to accept that this was going to be another month where I didn't finish a lot of books. I was too busy for most of June, and now too unfocused and bummed out in July.

and then that ended up not being the case. I think I can chalk that up to three things:

very early in the month I realized that none of the reading I had been planning on getting to was grabbing my interest at all, so I did something drastically different: picked up a YA memoir that I bought at pride on the recommendation of a bookseller. not my usual kind of reading at all, but YA is very readable and memoirs grab me fast because I'm nosy, so I figured it might be great for getting out of a rut. and boy, was I right!

Akwaeke Emezi also has a new novel out, and if you don't know then please note now that I'm a person second and an Akwaeke Emezi fan first. their newest novel was a sinister joyride, non-stop twists and turns that I couldn't put down until I saw the characters through to their bitter ends.

and, of course, over in the Dungeon Meshi manga I got to Mithrun. I've only had Mithrun for a couple of chapters, but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this dungeon and then myself. even if I hadn't been able to read anything else, that would have kept me running back to the library for more Dungeon Meshi.

all of which added up to a fairly voracious appetite for books being reignited in my brain, and my second most book-heavy month of the year so far (still haven't beat May, but there's time). sick!

so - what have I been reading?

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 7-10 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2019-2022) - mannnnn I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said elsewhere, but Dungeon Meshi is so. fucking good. the way that Kui starts to raise the stakes of the story and grow the world beyond the core band of adventurers is so conscientious and well-done, timed perfectly so it never feels like having an undercooked heap of fantasy exposition thrown at you all at once. instead everything proceeds at a perfect simmer, leaving me feeling like the frog in that pot of boiling water who didn't notice how dire things had gotten until it was very suddenly too late and I was screaming bloody murder at a book. things have gotten so dire that I'm yearning for the days when fighting a red dragon was our biggest problem - and yet, through it all, every character remains rendered with humanity and compassion, no matter how scary, dangerous, or outright alien they first appear. I'm not naming any spoilers, but I need [REDACTED] to fix shit ASAP in Vol. 11 and [SUPER REDACTED] is on my shitlist fucking forever. also Mithrun sweetie you're perfect, do as many crimes as you want.

Heart and Hand (Rebel Carter, 2019) - my romance novel of the month, as picked by my lovely patreonites! this self-published historical romance promised some messy f/m/m, following a biracial (half Black, half white) young lady, Julie Baptiste, as she responds to a marriage ad that takes her out west to the fictional town of Gold Sky, Montana. Julie's sort of a standard historical heroine - she doesn't care for the silliness of high society and vastly prefers the company of books, looking forward to becoming Gold Sky's schoolteacher - but her marriage has a twist: rather than marrying one man, she's agreed to marry two, a pair of friends who have been inseparable since they served together in the Civil War. this book is charming, for sure, but I can't help be more intrigued by what isn't there than what is, namely: are these men having sex with each other or not? Rebel? hey, Rebel? why is there no DP in this two husbands mail order bride book? that was, like, he bare minimum that I expected. for the love of god, why did those men never put both of their dicks inside Julie at the same time? why did we spend so much time on emotional conflict that could be easily resolved if anyone just talked to each other when Julie's two beautiful husbands could have been having sex in front of her? HELLO?

also, listen, this is such a nitpick, but I am FROM Montana and it feels personal: I know that the general poverty of frontier life isn't sexy, but god these people are WAY too well off. at one point Julie enjoys some fucking BANANAS, something that I goddamn assure you were not easy to come by in late 19th century Montana. a banana. as fucking if.

All Boys Aren't Blue (George M. Johnson, 2020) - as is proudly advertised on the back cover of my copy, in recent years All Boys Aren't Blue has been the second most-challenged book in America behind Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer. reading through All Boys Aren't Blue it was initially hard to see what exactly was so objectionable, until I realized that a queer Black person living their life with compassion and joy is the scariest thing some of these motherfuckers can possibly imagine. Johnson writes about their life growing up in the nexus of racism, homophobia, and masculinity with wisdom and endless compassion, directly addressing young people who may find themselves in similar positions to offer them assurance that they, too, can be okay. more than anything, All Boys Aren't Blue is a plea for young people to live their lives without fear and shame. it's a beautiful blessing of a book that I hope brings comfort to every innumerable kids who need it.

Little Rot (Akwaeke Emezi, 2024) - how do I even begin to describe Little Rot? definitely not for those who feel squeamish about sex crimes, I guess that's an important place to start. this novel starts with the breakup of a long-term Nigerian couple, Kalu and Aima, and follows both of them into a weekend that starts with drugs and sex parties and spirals increasingly out of control from there, drawing more and more characters into a complicated snarl of money and power. Little Rot has the seedy, lurid draw of an episode of SVU if SVU ever grew up and realized that cops don't do shit, reveling in the nastiest that Emezi's imagined city of New Lagos has to offer. cannot say this book is for everyone - few of Emezi's novels are - but god, it's a thrilling study in corruption.

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader (editor Joan Nestle, 1992) - this is a massive and fascinating historical document, assembled by Nestle as part of her work with the Lesbian Herstory Archives. within this collection are letters, interviews, academic essays, poems, and transcribed oral histories from all manner of self-identified butch and femme lesbians. while some of the contributors are recognizable names in the history of American queer activism (including Pat Califa, who's a bisexual trans man now lmao), others are women who were just trying to live their lives with as much authenticity, comfort, and dignity as was possible in their time. (although, notably, the vast majority of these women are white, and all but a very few are Americans. racial and cultural diversity is not one of the collection's strong suits.)

the personal narratives span all over the twentieth century, and I was really delighted to see the very frank discussions of what would be written off as "bad representation" by a lot of queer resources today: butches overdosing on toxic masculinity and getting in messy bar brawls, femmes committing outlandish acts of adultery, lesbian sexual awakenings taking place between fairly young children, and one extremely memorable instance of a butch getting unexpectedly pregnant and decided to do a little sex work on the side since she couldn't get more pregnant than she already was. I was particularly fascinated by the many, many accounts of "second wave" self-identified lesbian feminists who tried to do away with butch/femme identities and "politically incorrect" expression of lesbian sexuality altogether (that's everything but mutual cunnilingus, btw) in pretty eerie echoes of contemporary radfem arguments. at close to 500 pages it's definitely better suited to skimming and stopping to read whatever catches your attention rather than trying to read cover to cover, but I think this is a really invaluable piece of history.

American Mermaid (Julia Langbien, 2023) - this was a novel, for sure. American Mermaid is a novel about a broke, anxious high school teacher named Penelope whose novel, also called American Mermaid, is a runaway success that gets optioned for film. Penelope quits her teaching job and moves across the country to Hollywood to work on the script with two dude bros who don't really Get what American Mermaid is about, and set to work turning Penelope's weird, unsexy female empowerment novel into an MCU-style action romp with a hot young lead. the novel's strongest when it's deep in the spirals of Penelope's frantic mind, probing the conflict between her fairly desperate need for cash (she wants to be financially independent of her conservative father, she has good reason to suspect breast cancer is in her future, she wants to start a family someday) and the artistic affront she feels at watching her story be disrespected and dismantled. where it's weaker is in the extensive chapters of the story-within-a-story; while useful for context, I straight up didn't need to read that much of Penelope's novel. and the plot overall kind of felt like it fell off the rails near the end once Langbien finishes making her point about how Hollywood sucks. it's not bad, but it's also just... fine. it's fine!

How to Taste: A Guide Discovering Flavor and Savoring Life (Mandy Naglich, 2023) - how do I put this so nicely? this book is for people who are kind of dork ass losers about food, a group that I do very much count myself as a part of. I first became acquainted with Naglich's work when she appeared on a podcast called the Sporkful, which claims that it is "not for foodies, it's for eaters." I'm a fairly devout listener, and after listening to Naglich describe her efforts to become a master cicerone (one of the world's most elite beer tasters, a distinction that is taken Very Fucking Seriously) I thought sure, whatever, that's a book I can get behind. Naglich is maybe a big more entertaining as a podcast guest than a nonfiction author. in places the book can be dry or roughly constructed in a way that suggests another pass by an editor or maybe a co-writer would have helped. and straight up, there are just weird fucking typos in this book that are like. crazy to me, I cannot believe they got through. the cheap-ass cover art also suggests this was not exactly a high budget production.

but having been very mean about it, there are a lot of extremely interesting tidbits about the world of professional tasting here! it sounds awful and you couldn't pay me to do it, but here's the cool thing: Naglich is extremely aware that what she does is insane and she knows that the average reader doesn't want to learn how to identify where a coffee bean was grown just by sniffing the bean from across a room. what she offers instead are really approachable ways to be more conscientious about how you interact with and appreciate food! and she also shares some really cool info about tasting snobbery that IS bullshit, to help you sort out the stuff that actually matters and emphasize that fun and personal taste ultimately trump any "rules." it's a very dorky book but I, personally, did have a good time.

Sex Criminals Vol 3: Three the Hard Way (Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky, 2016) - every time I read another volume of Sex Criminals I find myself thinking "man, hang on, do I ever actually like Sex Criminals? am I enjoying this?" but then I end up placing a hold on the next one. I don't know, it's charming! it's like so very VERY 2010s in its dialogue, by which I mean it's like. you know. it's giving Joss Whedon before we all found out how bad he sucked and collectively booed him. but man, I love a story that's down to get weird, and Sex Criminals is sooooo about being weird. and yet also very normal where sex is concerned! considering this is a series all about people having freaky world-altering powers that activate when they cum, sex is treated as an incredibly ordinary thing, warts and all. I like that! I like seeing that! idk, I don't need every comic to be perfect, as evidenced by the fact that I'm actively enjoying Azrael: Angel of the Bat. sometimes the vibes are just good.

#bookblr #reading updates

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ramenwaitr3ss · 7 months

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My personal headcannons for Characters and listeners from some of the fandoms I’m in!

(Because I’m bored)

Redacted Headcannons^^^

David has a photo of him and Angel in his wallet, whereas Angel has a photo of them and David as their wallpaper.

When Damian gets flustered he also lets off steam slightly.^^

Milo will make SH coffee in the morning in the way they like, with a small note telling them to have a good day at work.

My freelancer has a stomach tattoo that’s under their navel of a heart. And Gavin loves to kiss it^^

Sam and Vincent catch up over tea and wine on occasion, and they mostly talk about their partners lol.

Sweetheart takes naps in the most uncomfortable places, but makes it work somehow.

Baabe and Asher do skincare together every night.

Good Boy Audio headcannons!!

Personal headcannon that the Guardian and Mirin have a noticeable height difference with Mirrin being a foot shorter than them.

Adding onto that I see the Guardian being around 7’ 0-7’ 1 and Mirrin being like 6’ 8-6’ 7

Faithful will sing Karrano to sleep sometimes and Devlin will listen in with a small smile

Albus and Hipswitch are drinking buddies(I don’t know if Hipswitch can even drink, but if he can’t he just is there for the vibes lol).

The Guardian kept a Souvenir they got with Zed when they left, and keeps it in good shape.

Makkaro and his wife, have slow dances on special nights.

I’ve always imagined for me, that Pandora likes to sleep a lot and they’ve fallen asleep on Hades’ shoulder countless times, and now with her having Cerberus she’ll fall asleep with them on occasion.

Escaped Audios!

Jean and intern literally could not keep their hands off each other after everything that happened. Badabing and Badaboom kept saying “Ewwww” each time the two would cuddle, kiss, or anything cutesy.

Benji has a tattoo of his and his wife’s anniversary^^

Crow liked having his hair played with.

Raven constantly plays with her hair as a nervous stim or subconsciously when she’s sitting down watching Tv, or reading, working etc.

Alphonso was one of those really cringy emo kids, and is definitely embarrassed about it lol.

Personal headcanon for my Intern is that they were a singer and dancer, before the events of New Jersey rats.

I forget her name since I’m still new to the series- But the listener for Der Wolfsjäger, is terrified of dogs, and is learning how to deal with them thanks to the series lol.

#redacted audio #redactedverse #escaped audios new jersey rats #escaped audios #escapedaudios #good boy audios #goodboyaudios #redacted sam #redacted vincent #redacted david #escaped audios jean #escaped audios badaboom #escaped audios badabing #good boy audios hades #good boy audios basterd warrior

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starlitangels · 10 months

Text

Redacted Boi Social Media Headcanons

Vincent only really uses Instagram, but is required by the Department to have it private because his human name is legally missing-presumed-dead and his face has a risk of being recognized if someone from his human life stumbled upon his Instagram. That said, he doesn't really screen people who request to follow him

Darlin' and Sam don't use any social medias. Darlin' has a Facebook from teenage years, but they deactivated it. But not fully deleted, so they can still be tagged in all the group photos posted to the pack page. In high school, Darlin' was the person who got a lot of unsolicited DMs because they were hot but they hate attention so they blocked everyone but their pack and deactivated. Darlin' reluctantly keeps their Discord for the pack server

David hates social media. He maintains the pack's private Facebook group and Discord server (though the latter is really more Asher's job, David's just in charge) but will not touch anything else. David's favorite social media is YouTube because he can lookup tutorials for anything and not have to ask anyone for help

Milo's a borderline Instagram influencer. He's got a gazillion followers (who all think he's hot, and he is). His Instagram is directly linked to his Facebook, so every picture and caption he puts on IG gets automatically posted to FB too

Marie comments only on Milo's Facebook (she has and kinda uses IG, but doesn't comment). She's the one that will leave the heartfelt comments with "Call me" at the end. She knows that's a meme among younger people that their older relatives leave "what a beautiful couple. Call me" comments, but she does it anyway. And guess what? She does it because it works. Milo👏 is👏a👏Mama's👏Boy👏 and he will call her when she leaves those comments

Asher doesn't use social media much, but is perpetually on Discord. He mods the pack's server, and like 6 others just for fun. He does post lots of pictures of Babe and selfies of the two of them together on the pack's Facebook though

Damien used to get into arguments on Twitter with randos. Huxley thinks it's funny to pull them up from when Damien was a teenager

Huxley was never much into most social medias but I like to think he'd be like that one TikTok dude who pops up on my Tumblr dash occasionally who explains how to do calisthenics and other workout stuff in a really simple, easy, modified way for people who are just getting started. People started following him because he's hot, and then realized he's actually like the nicest dude and doesn't know he's popular

Lasko's a Tumblr boy. I'm not taking constructive criticism on this

Gavin refuses to get an Instagram because he knows he'd get too addicted to it. He knows he's ridiculously good-looking and would amass a following supernaturally fast, and that's why he won't. But he has his old Facebook from when it first started to be popular. He got rid of all his old friends list and now just has Freelancer, Huxley, Lasko, Damien, and a handful of d(a)emon friends who also have Facebooks like Crux

Avior doesn't have any social media at all

Neither does Caelum and Gavin and Freelancer have decided not to expose him to the negativity of the internet

Vega refuses

Cam keeps a few things for professional purposes, but doesn't use them much

Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is

Aaron's favorite is LinkedIn. This is a joke.

Elliott uses Pinterest a lot for aesthetic inspiration for dreams. He doesn't use much else

Blake is on like every social media all the time. Mostly for CloseKnit. But he also stalked Bestie from afar for a long time

James had to get rid of all of his when his job started getting more secretive and he had to have limited contact with the rest of the world

Morgan doesn't have any social media just as a way to keep himself and his magic safe. The Department protections didn't require it, but he thought it was for the best

Porter totally isn't jealous that Vincent has a higher IG follower count than him and his account isn't even private. He's always trailing like 20 behind

#I know I'm missing some boys but meh I don't care #Redacted ASMR #Redacted Audio #Redacted Headcanons #Redacted Vincent #Redacted David #Redacted Sam #Redacted Asher #Redacted Milo #Redacted Gavin #Redacted Avior #Redacted Elliott #Redacted Porter #Redacted Morgan #Redacted Huxley #Redacted Damien #Redacted Lasko

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ori-anna-v-58008 · 2 months

Text

Rampart Reengaging

[ATTEMPTING TO REESTABLISH COMMUNICATION WITH PILOT…]

"What do you mean attempting?"

"It's not easy to wake these things back up without proper software, give it a bit."

"You're hopeless. Give me one good reason to ever let you work on her again."

"Sure thing. I'm the only one willing to do your dirty work. That suffice?"

"Shut up and work. We still need this one."

"Yeah? Who's we? Last I checked, your little pet project wasn't exactly popular with Command."

"…Maybe they've taken a shining to it."

"I doubt it. How many millions did this thing cost them?"

"The cost that she incurs is ultimately of no consequence. She gets results."

[COMMUNICATION SUCCESSFUL. PILOT ONLINE.]

"Hah. Whatever you say, [REDACTED]."

"Wait. It's working again?"

"Seems that way. Welcome back, Rampart."

The first thing you heard outside the vast emptiness that had taken over your universe was the telltale sound of Handler's knuckles smacking clean across someone's face. You flinched on instinct.

"Don't call it that."

[WARNING: VISUALS NONFUNCTIONAL.] [WARNING: SPEECH MODULE NONFUNCTIONAL.] [WARNING: PERSONALITY MATRIX MALFUNCTION DETECTED. SEE NODE MARKED "LOUD NOISES".]

"God, you do not make yourself pleasant to work with, do you? Let me see if I can fix that error…"

"No! It needs that. That PM is loaded with responses like that, and it needs every one of them."

"I'm sure traumatized kamikaze pilots are so much better at crashing than ones that aren't."

"She doesn't run. She slams her eyes shut and the thrusters on. Jumping at loud noises makes her destroy them faster. They put those responses in them for a reason.

[PILOT INPUT: "Handler? Is that you?"]

You liked getting to hear Handler's voice again. You weren't sure where your own went, or if Handler had any means of understanding you at all. It was humiliating and frustrating to not be able to use your voice. You weren't entirely sure what you did to deserve having it taken away. In spite of this, you accepted it instantly.

"Give me a summary of the most recent memories you have on file." You giggled, even if no sound came out.

[PILOT INPUT: ""The Pilot of the Rampart was successful in defeating an overwhelming opponent". That's all I have."]

"Correct. Good girl."

[ADMINISTERING REWARD…] You couldn't feel your face enough to know what expression you made, but you knew you couldn't control it.

"You call that a summary? Shit was literally a single sentence." You didn't like this other voice. Handler's silence made you wince as much as the smack sound you heard earlier.

"Do you believe our enemies survived that explosion?" You heard drops of tension in her voice like slipping a poison into tea.

"No."

"Do you believe any other witnesses exist?"

"Your extreme interest in friendly fire makes it seem unlikely."

"So this is the only account of the assault that exists. It contains all relevant information, does it not?"

"You must think command is so fucking stupid, [REDACTED], If you think they're just gonna throw their hands up about [REDACTED] pilots and [REDACTED] dollars getting smashed to bits--"

Your hands clenched around imaginary triggers when you heard the gunshot. Your audio processor was able to filter out most of the mechanic's screaming, but it was imperfect - you heard her loud, sharp inhales before she wailed again and again.

"S[]t []p or th[] nex[] one []oes through your head." Handler's voice was caught up in the screaming and got glitchy. The mechanic was reduced to hurried breathing. You clung onto every sound you could from her lips, knowing she would do anything and everything if it meant keeping you safe.

This story is part of a series. To read the beginning, please click here.

#empty spaces #mech #pilot #replicating sentience #pilot/handler #Rampart

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yuesya · 8 months

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I honestly don’t know what pairing you have for Shiki, but imagine, in another AU, Shiki was just born a normal girl in the JJK universe, she goes to school, is friends with Itadori, still has her MEoDP, nonchalantly doesn’t bring up the fact that she knows curses exist and probably refers to them as “demons” or “monsters,” yeah, typical Shiki stuff. I wonder, if in this AU, if it’s okay with you, that Shiki and Itadori becomes boyfriend and girlfriend sometime before the Sukuna events happen? Like, they’re basically an opposites attract couple?

If that were to happen, I can imagine Sukuna probably being frustrated by Shiki’s presence or intrigued by her, mainly because of her ability.

See FAQ regarding pairings.

I think 'being normal' contrasts greatly with 'having MEoDP,' so if we do have an AU where Shiki is 'just a normal girl,' it would probably be a world where she never had an accident because [REDACTED] and so we have Shiki living a normal life without MEoDP.

... Or at least, as normal as someone like Shiki can be.

Shiki goes to school, but it's still hard for her to form connections with others. She also realizes very early on that there's probably something off with her when a late-night test of courage with some classmates results in them coming across a dead body, and instead of screaming her head off Shiki's only reaction is faint fascination. She wonders what it would be like to trail her hand through that red, red blood... but has enough awareness to realize that it's not something a 'normal' person would do.

And Shiki is normal, right? So she does her best to tuck away all her sharp corners in a neat little box to act like a normal high school student. One who doesn't have any fascination with blood, or sees strange monsters from the corner of her eyes. She's heard enough from her parents to know what curses are, and that her parents don't want any involvement with the world of sorcery. They don't want Shiki to be like her uncle, who turns up every once in a blue moon with scars all over his body, who's involved in dangerous work.

Shiki loves her parents. She knows she does. And this is what you do when you love someone, right? You do your best to meet their expectations. You want them to be happy.

... I don't really see Itadori/Shiki working out here, unfortunately. Itadori is fundamentally someone who cares about others, who tries to do good and help where he is able to. This clashes horribly against Shiki, who doesn't really care at all, and it's even worse in this 'verse because she doesn't have anyone who gets her, unlike in zenith. Itadori is many things, but he's not someone who would understand Shiki at all, much less this particular version of Shiki.

Unlike Ryougi Shiki, who wished to experience the happiness of a normal person, OC-Shiki has no such desire.

#QA #zenith of stars au

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writing-house-of-m · 2 years

Text

Don't Leave

Natasha x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Mention of death

Word count: 2069

Summary: Natasha comes back injured from a mission and you can't take it anymore.

A/N: This is from a prompt sent in which you can find here. Thank you to @alexia-redacted for reading it through to find my typos haha

T/N: мой маленький рус��кий = my little Russian

"You can't do things like that Nat!"

You had been at it for the past 5 minutes. Pacing the same route. "Anything could have happened, and don't give me that bullshit 'you were in control' because anything from that building could have fallen and trapped you."

You loved her and admired her skills out on the field but she still needed to be careful. You knew you were overreacting but you were scared. You were scared and didn't know what to do other than shout out your frustrations.

Originally, when Natasha saw where this was going, she was going to stop you. Instead she allowed you to voice your thoughts while she took a seat on the edge of your shared bed.

She could see you were coming from a place of care and would rather you say it aloud instead of keeping it in. But it's part of the job. You both know this.

You were getting more and more like this after Natasha would show up injured.

Her impulse to jump back into a burning building wasn't unwarranted. She saved someone from meeting their end.

It's her job at the end of the day. And she knew you would have done the same.

Your voice lowered as you came to a standstill and looked at her, "Nat, I can't-" She meets your eyes and can see your glazed over look.

Natasha knew she would be in tears too if this was the other way round. She's never cared for anyone the way she cares about you.

She stands, making her way to you, "Y/n, you know what it's like out there. Split second decisions," She reaches for your hand to stop you from biting your nails.

You know exactly what Nat is talking about, being in that position is something you've done countless times. You look down at your joined hands and wrap your fingers around her wrist just to feel her pulse.

She's still here.

She's still here, because she's good at her job.

Natasha continues. "That adrenaline rush. You get caught up in the moment because it's what we do. It's the right thing to do."

She brings one of her hands up, running her fingers through your hair, in an attempt to calm you down.

You close your eyes and whisper, "I know. It's just," you take a breath, "I'm scared of losing you." You sniffle, a tear falls as you continue speaking your thoughts. "When I saw you get off the jet all battered and bruised and finding out about you going back into the building. I-"

You let out a sob, stopping you from voicing your deepest fear. Moving both her hands to your face she gets you to look at her as her thumbs rub over your cheeks. She wipes away your tears but they're quickly replaced by more.

She pulls you in and holds your head to her chest letting you ride this wave. You both stand there for long minutes, Nat telling you 'it's ok' and to 'let it all out' while her shirt gets soaked with your tears.

When you're able to speak again, your next words break her heart, "I can't lose you too."

She knows all about your loss and how hard it's been for you to open up to love someone again. It was common ground the two of you shared when you became friends which has blossomed into this. This love you have for each other.

You pull back to look her in the eye when you say your next words, "Maybe, after all this time, I'm not cut out for this. I don't know if I can keep doing this, baby." You furrow your brows and continue. "Where does it end? With one of us in the ground?"

The redhead is surprised by your candor, you both knew it was a possibility but neither of you have said it aloud before. Natasha says the first thing to come to mind, "Y/n, it's not going to end like that."

"You can't promise that and you know it." You say as you pull away and move to the other side of your shared room. Natasha knew you wouldn't go for it. But you were slipping through her fingers.

"Y/n/n, this is what we signed up for." She makes her way over to you, "Maybe we should take a break from all of this. Go somewhere for a little while." She says hopefully, "Just the two of us." She's desperate, she doesn't want to lose you. She can't.

You wipe your hands over your face then stare at the ground as Natasha puts her hand to your shoulder to get you to face her. You appreciate her trying but it won't be enough. You know it.

You know what you need to do and you hate it but it's for the best.

You finally turn around and look at her with red rimmed eyes.

"Natasha, I can't do this." More of your tears fall.

She wants to reach out to you.

She wants to tell you everything will be ok.

She wants to tell you that she'll always return to you.

But she knows it's not something she can guarantee.

You both have always known the harsh reality of your jobs. The only difference is that Natasha was raised in this field. It had been the only thing she had known for a long time.

Until she met you.

You, on the other hand, chose this. And you can just as easily choose to leave.

But leaving Natasha?

It will be the hardest thing you've ever done.

Natasha doesn't want this to end, she loves you with everything she has. She's never felt like this about anyone before.

Finally, the moment sinks in. The feeling is overwhelming. Knowing she was about to lose the only person she's ever loved. The only person that has ever loved her.

Tears build in her eyes. It's now your turn to console her.

You brush away her tears and press a kiss to her lips. Fully. Softly.

You pull away but only slightly, "I'm so sorry, мой маленький русский." You say as your lips graze hers.

You wrap your arms around each other taking in this moment of her body pressed against yours.

Natasha needs to make sure this is real. She needs to know this is actually happening and asks, "So, this is it then?" She speaks against your shoulder.

"I guess so, yeah." You whisper sadly.

…

When morning arrives, you quietly pack a small bag of necessities. You can collect the rest of your things another time.

Natasha was still asleep, exhausted after returning from her mission and from your final words the previous night.

The redhead insisted you stay the night. Who would you be if you didn't give her this final wish?

Once you're done, you kiss her on the forehead, whisper "I love you," and take your leave.

If she was awake you wouldn't have been able to say goodbye.

As you try to leave the compound a voice catches your attention from behind you, "Y/n? Where are you going so early?" You can hear the confusion in his voice, "I didn't have you on any overnight missions." He says noticing your bag.

When you turn around, he sees your swollen eyes. "What happened?" His worry was clear in his voice. He would always worry about you, he saw you as his own family.

"I'm done Steve." You say sadly, "I've already sent my notice to Hill. If she hasn't already, she should see it soon."

He understands. You've spoken to him about your worries before, so he has to ask, "What about Nat?"

You can't help the tears that well up. "We spoke last night." A sad smile on your lips. "She's still asleep." You wipe a tear that is slowly making its way down your cheek.

Like you hadn't cried enough already.

He walks with you as you begin your final steps out of this place you've called home for the last six years. Four of them were by Natasha's side.

Steve tries to keep you talking, keeping the conversation light. Eventually he asks 'What's in store for your future?' It's at this moment you realise you have no idea. You always saw your future with the love of your life. But now…

"I guess I have time to figure that out." You say turning towards him.

When you make it to your car, you thank Steve for everything he's done for you. For who he has been to you.

You hug him, taking in the feeling of his muscular arms around you. You're glad he caught you leaving.

Just as the two of you separate you hear rushed footsteps getting closer.

When the figure is revealed your heart breaks all over again.

You know you can't say goodbye to her.

…

When Natasha awoke all she could think about was you.

How she didn't know how to truly live, until she met:

You.

You taught her there was more to life than a job. This job. Without you, there was nothing to look forward to.

The one constant in her life was you.

…

She slowly makes her way over, "Nat, please don't make this harder than it already is."

You were all she could remember over these past four years.

"Y/n, please don't leave."

You were all she could see in her future.

"We've already spoken about this."

You were standing here, in front of her right now.

"I can't let you leave,"

And she'll be damned if she let you go.

"Nat-"

She interrupts you before you can continue, "I can't let you leave," when she reaches you she can see the tears swimming in your eyes.

She takes in every detail of your face that she has memorised and the way you look right now. The lines between your eyebrows because of the sad look on your face. The way your nostrils flare because you're sick of crying and you want the tears to stop. The way your eyes look lighter in this morning light.

You're about to speak again but she's not done.

"Detkha, I can't let you leave," this time she finally finishes her sentence - "not without me."

You look at her bewildered.

This job has been everything to her. You never wanted her to have to choose between you and it. So you made the tough call of leaving.

"But Nat, what about all of this?" You say, talking about the Avengers and all the work she has put in over the years. More years than she has known you.

She lets out a breathy laugh. As her eyes glaze over, "It's nothing. All of it means nothing." She pulls you to her, "But you. You are everything to me and I am not letting you go."

With her final words she pulls you in for a heated kiss. Desperation clear from both of you as she wraps her arms around your neck and yours go to her waist. Pulling her impossibily close.

You hear a clearing of a throat. As you look over to Steve, remembering you had a one-man audience.

You and Natasha smile at each other and then at the man scratching the back of his head.

"So I guess we're losing two of you today, huh?" He puts his hands on his waist and drops his head. "Losing the two people I had on my side. Tony's going to love this." He says as he walks away leaving the two of you wrapped up in each other. Wide smiles on both of your faces.

You have no words for how happy you are so you do the only thing you can think of and kiss her. You pour everything you have into the kiss. It's a promise of being together today, tomorrow and every day after that.

When you break the kiss, you rest your forehead against hers. "You really waited until the last second didn't you, мой маленький русский?"

"Maybe I hit my head a little too hard on that mission." She jokes and you both laugh.

She whispers her next words as if they're a secret for you and only you,

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

#natasha x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x you #mcu reader insert #dont leave tag

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winters8child · 2 months

Text

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 54

The hour was late, the tower enveloped in an eerie stillness as I finally made my way back. As I trudged wearily past the dimly lit kitchen, the soft glow of the dying embers casting flickering shadows on the walls, a sudden, deliberate clearing of a throat pierced the silence from behind me. I slowly turned around, my heart pounding in the stillness. The moment Natasha caught sight of my face, her smirk vanished, replaced instantly by a look of deep concern.

"What happened?" she asked, gripping my arms tightly, her eyes searching mine. "I couldn't do it. I was so close, but then I saw that baby... I don't know... I thought I was over it..." I stammered, my voice faltering as Natasha gently led me into the kitchen. She eased me into a chair and placed a steaming mug of tea in front of me, the soothing scent of chamomile wafting up.

"You went after one of the guys, didn't you?" Her voice was devoid of judgment, merely a calm observation. I nodded, bringing the cup to my lips and taking a tentative sip.

"So, you couldn't do it because he has a baby?" she asked, her tone gentle but probing.

"She was so cute," I mumbled, my gaze drifting into the shadows of the kitchen. "She cooed and giggled... her name is Lilly..." She gave me a confused look. "So you saw him with the baby and decided not to do it?"

I buried my face in my hands, the weight of the night pressing down on me. "He wasn't home... but his wife was. I even talked to her. I just wanted justice, but I don't have it in me, Nat."

She gently patted my shoulder. "And don't you think that's a good thing?" she asked softly.

I looked up at her, searching her face for understanding. "Did you ever read my old S.H.I.E.L.D. file?"

"I did, but some stuff was redacted," she replied, taking a thoughtful sip of her tea.

I sighed, the memory heavy in my chest. Staring into my mug, I spoke without lifting my eyes. "I was pregnant when I got the serum, but I didn't know at the time... because they didn't tell me."

"I keep asking myself what my life would have looked like if... if Bucky and I could have been a family. Nothing happened as it should have," I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek. Natasha took my hand in hers, her touch warm and reassuring. "Tell me about him," she asked softly.

She only knew him as the Winter Soldier, the killer, but not the man he truly was.

I smiled to myself at the flood of memories. "He was the boy all the girls fawned over. He was Steve's and my best friend, but just like all the other girls, I had to fall for him..." Natasha smiled at that and squeezed my hand gently. "He was my first crush, my first kiss, my first... well, you know." I blushed at the memory. "Then he had to leave for the war, and we thought he died... Grief brought Steve and me together, and I feel so guilty all the time... It breaks my heart."

“Don’t get me wrong,” I said, my voice quivering, “I love Steve deeply, more than I can put into words. But there’s this little voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me this isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

"I'm sorry," I murmured, wiping away the tears that had started to flow as the pain of the past resurfaced.

Natasha’s gaze softened as she gently caressed my hand. “It’s alright; we all have our wounds and demons,” she said with a reassuring tone. A shadow of melancholy crossed her face as she added, “I can’t have children.”

Her voice carried a weight of unspoken sorrow, and a sad smile touched her lips. "There’s this procedure in the Red Room... every Widow has to go through it. It’s just one less thing to worry about," she explained, her voice trembling with the pain of her revelation.

"Oh, I’m so sorry, Nat," I said, my eyes widening with regret. "And here I am, talking about babies..."

She shook her head with a small, weary smile. "It's alright," she said softly. "My life doesn’t exactly scream 'Mom of the Year' anyway." She tried to sound nonchalant, but the words were laced with a deep, hidden pain that betrayed her stoic exterior.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice barely above a breath. “For being my friend,” I added, my sad smile barely concealing the depth of my gratitude.

Natasha wrapped her arms around me in a warm, comforting embrace. “No need to thank me for that,” she murmured, her voice steady and reassuring.

Steve returned from Washington the next day, and his disappointment was palpable—there were no major updates about Bucky. I was sprawled on the couch with Natasha, engrossed in a movie, when I felt a familiar warmth envelop me. His strong arms wrapped around me from behind, and he planted a tender kiss on my cheek.

“You’re back!” I exclaimed, my grin spreading wide. It had only been a week, but his absence felt much longer. When I turned to face him, he sealed his welcome with a gentle kiss on my lips.

“So, any news?” Natasha inquired from the couch on my left, her tone casual but curious.

Steve pulled back and circled the couch, settling down next to me with a resigned sigh. “Sadly, no. It’s all just cold leads,” he said, shrugging as if to dismiss the frustration.

Bucky clearly didn’t want to be found, so I buried my face in a bowl of popcorn, crunching away as a precaution. I needed to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, lest I let slip something I wasn’t ready to share.

Steve cast a sidelong glance at me, a mischievous grin playing on his lips. “You got something to say?”

I shook my head, my mouth too full of popcorn to form a coherent reply.

“Well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone so you can catch up on lost time,” Natasha said with a playful wink before getting up and exiting the room.

Once she was gone, I finally managed to swallow the last bit of popcorn. Steve leaned closer, his voice soft but earnest. “Hey, I missed you, you know. Sam’s a great guy, but—”

I cut him off with a teasing grin. “—a horrible kisser?”

Steve burst into laughter, his arms bracing the sides of my body as he gently pushed me back onto the couch. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to me, eager to kiss him properly.

He pulled back slightly, scrunching up his face with a playful grimace. “Salty,” he remarked with a grin, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “I can’t have too much sodium,” Steve said with a playful smirk. “So kissing you might just be the death of me.”

Before I could respond, Tony’s head popped over the back of the couch, his expression a mix of amusement and mockery. “That looks like fun. Mind if I join?”

Steve and I sprang apart, our faces flushed with embarrassment. “Stark? Didn’t realize you were here,” Steve said, hastily straightening his shirt.

Tony chuckled, leaning in with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I would have come sooner if I’d known there’d be people fornicating on my couch.” I quickly tried to smooth my hair and brush the popcorn crumbs off my shirt, suddenly acutely aware of how disheveled I looked. “We weren’t fornicating,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant, though my cheeks were still flushed. “Anyway… was there something you needed to tell us?”

Steve’s impatience was clear as he shot a quick glance at Tony, clearly eager to shift the focus back to the mission. “New Hydra research base in Sokovia. Loki’s scepter is rumored to be there, along with a high-ranking Hydra scientist. We go in, take out as many bad guys as we can, and secure the scepter. Bingo bongo,” he explained briskly. “All hands on deck for this one, so get ready.” With that, he headed toward the door.

“I just got here!” Steve called after him, exasperation in his voice. From the hallway, Tony’s voice floated back with a chuckle, “Five minutes should be enough!”

Steve turned to me, eyebrows raised in silent question as he gestured toward our room. “Five minutes might be enough for you,” I said with a wry smile, glancing down at my disheveled state. “I need at least ten to look presentable again.”

Steve’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “You look absolutely delicious,” he said, scooping me up from the couch. With a grin, he hurried us toward our room, making the most of the precious time we had left.

Next Chapter

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #marvel #steve rogers #marvel fanfiction #the avengers #fanfiction

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obrother1976 · 11 months

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hii would you have any book recs similar to the carnivorous lamb? just finished it recently and i literally cannot stop thinking about it......

wish i could rec u something that will hit as hard as carnivorous lamb does. but i cant. nothing can compare (in my opinion) but i can rec u some books depending on what u liked best/what u enjoyed in carnivorous lamb:

incest:

gemini by michel tournier - hard to get into but very worth it

house of incest by anais nin - short but so good u'll tear your hair out afterwards

ada or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov - cant believe nabokov invented real love w this one

catholicism:

the sparrow by mary doria russell - book of all time & although i obv wouldn't call it a catholic book, i still think someone that liked carnivorous lamb would love this.

concerning the eccentricities of cardinal pirelli by ronald firbank - currently reading this & dont yet fully know what to make of it but its definitely interesting enough to check out.

fascism:

(bit of a disclaimer: none of these are specifically about spanish fascism. sorry. if you're really interested in the franco regime u could read george orwell's "homage to catalonia" but other than that i got nothing for u there)

fear and misery in the third reich by bertholt brecht & the resistable rise of arturo ui (also by brecht) - this is me pushing my brecht agenda (even tho these r plays and not technically books). love brecht's depictions of fascism though, esp in fear and misery

on the frontier: a melodrama in three acts by isherwood & auden - another play

death in venice by thomas mann - alright so this one's a bit tricky. its not technically about fascism (it was written in 1912) but i've seen a number of academic essays that make a case for reading it that way -> the degeneration of europe into fascism. in any case, great book, great prose and although its not actually incestuous, it v obviously plays with the theme of incest

fathers:

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin - a classic.

winter of artifice by anais nin - no one got it quite like she did

mathilda by mary shelley - anon, listen to this: "I copied his last letter and read it again and again. Sometimes it made me weep; and at other [times] I repeated with transport those words,—"One day I may claim her at your hands." I was to be his consoler, his companion in after years."

dreams of clytemnestra by dacia maraini - a play again. but trust me on this one, it'll drive u insane.

mothers:

milk fed by melissa broder - actually havent read this one but my (redacted) loves it and it does sound rlly interesting (also i dont know any other books specifically about mothers... sad.)

#(redacted) -> bc im not saying the word situationship in a serious tumblr post lmao #also anon look into the comments. some v good recs there #anon we're suffering from the same carnivorous lamb induced disease. theres a reason y i've read it three times.#i'll come back to this if i find more books #also anon. listen to chapel. married in mount airy. and heart shaped bed by nicole dollanganger. trust me #ask

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spicerackofblorbos · 7 months

Text

Chapter 7: May

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault,

☾ Author's note ➼ Hi guys! Are y'all ready for the final chapter?! June is the reason why I pushed through so many months because [redacted]. I know you're just as excited as I am. I hope you enjoy this chapter though! I know it took me a while, but I think I'm quite happy with how it turned out. Happy Birthday, Mama Kuchel! <3

☾ Word Count ➼ ~9.8k

You wake up to a pounding on your bedroom door, your eyes popping open at the sudden fright. It takes a moment to reorient yourself as you realize you are in your bedroom and not, in fact, on a date with Levi.

You take note of the early morning sun filtering in through your sheer curtains as you blink away sleep, acutely aware of the memories of your dream already starting to fade. An ounce of annoyance starts seeping its way into your brain from the rude awakening when you hear Hange’s muffled voice come from the other side of your door.

“Gooooood mooorrrrning birthday girl!! I’m coming in!” They shout as they push open your door. You fold your pillow over your ear to muffle Hange’s shouting as they come in. Your wide-eyed sister stops mid-step and frowns down at the sight of you. There’s a small tray in her hands, the contents hidden from where you currently lie.

“What are you still doing in bed?” You release the pillow to free your hand.

‘What do you mean? I’m sleeping.’ It was your turn to frown back.

“Levi is on his way to come get you. You should be getting ready.” They wiggle an eyebrow at you but you’re too shellshocked to even care. You sit straight up like a meerkat, wide eyes aimed right at Hange’s amused smirk.

‘Levi? Why?’

“He’s keeping you busy for me today so I can prepare for your birthday party. So, eat,” they set down the tray that has a simple breakfast staring up at you, “get dressed, and get out. He’ll be here soon.” They poke your nose before turning around and disappearing through the doorway, leaving your door wide open.

Butterflies start flooding your stomach as you process what just transpired. Levi was on his way to you and you’re looking like… this. You’re looking like this. The realization dawns on you, suddenly hyper aware of your messy bed head and ruffled pajamas. Grabbing a piece of toast, you throw yourself out of bed and into your private bathroom to start the shower, simultaneously praying that today would be a good day.

Your original plan for this morning consisted of wearing pajamas and taking your time getting ready for whatever your sister planned for you that evening. Instead, you find yourself speeding through your shower ritual then throwing clothes everywhere in a vain attempt to find something to wear for the day as your hair dried.

Even with your hasty speed, it still takes you an hour and a half until you’re satisfied with yourself. You take one more glance over before huffing heavily and pulling open your door then stepping out into the hallway. Your heart skips a beat when you recognize a voice.

“Your tea is too watery. Let me help next time.” You hear something heavy being set down on the table, a mug you guess.

“I can’t have you do that. You’re my guest, Levi.”

“I’m not asking. If I’m drinking tea, it better be good. This isn’t fit for consumption.”

When you pause in the entryway, you see Hange and Levi sitting at the dining room table. They turn their heads in your direction at the same time, Hange with a wide smile and Levi with a furrowed brow. He’s wearing a dark green t-shirt tucked into his usual jeans with his black leather jacket draped over his shoulders. He stands up, his chair sliding back as he does.

“Took you long enough.” Levi retorts.

‘Sorry. I didn’t know you were coming until this morning.’

“Hange, you said you’d let her know last week.” Levi slides his attention over to your sister who is suddenly very concerned with the mug in front of her. He sighs then gathers his keys off the table before making his way over to the kitchen sink to place his own mug into it. “Let’s go.”

“Bring her back in one piece, will you?” Hange glances over at you and winks.

“Yeah, yeah. See you in a couple hours, shitty glasses.”

The car ride to who knows where stays relatively silent between the two of you. Soft rock plays through his speakers at a low enough volume allowing you to hear the car’s engine as well as the wind blowing outside as Levi zooms through the town.

You couldn’t contain your surprise to see Levi driving - Erwin’s car no less. In the six months that you had known him, you have never once seen him drive. He mentioned his aversion to being behind the wheel early on in those months, saying he’d only drive when he had to. You guess today is one of those days. You hope this, whatever this is, isn’t burdensome for him.

You turn to Levi, making sure he can see your hands then sign, ‘Where’s Erwin, anyways?’

“He got held up doing something.”

‘Is he okay?’

“He’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” The car turns down a main road that you aren’t familiar with. “Are you hungry?” Levi meets your gaze for a second before focusing back on the road. You think back to that singular bite of toast you had a mere couple of hours ago.

‘Yes.’ You give him a sheepish smile.

“Me too. Your sister offered to make me lunch while waiting for your ass, but I was not in the mood to be poisoned today. I know a place.” He mutters and silence blankets the two of you again. You glance out the window as Levi zooms down the street and you realize you’re in a part of town you’ve never been to before. Suddenly you can feel the car slowing down.

Levi pulls into a parking lot connected to a small park that consists of a playground and a few benches. There are a handful of people and kids out enjoying the warm weather today. Some children run around playing a game of tag while their parents, you assume, sit and chat away. A pang of nostalgia shoots through your whole body.

Once Levi shuts the car off, he glances over to you with his lips slightly parted as if he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. You raise an eyebrow at him expectantly, but he just pinches his lips together and unbuckles himself before pulling himself out the door. You do the same, furrowing your brow in confusion. This isn’t the first time he hesitated to tell you what was on his mind, but you sure wish the previous time had been the last time. You push the door open and step out into the fresh air.

Instantly, the smell of freshly mown grass strikes your nose. A smile tugs at your lips as you breathe in deep, savoring the scent. Levi comes up next to you as he tucks the keys away into his pants. A warm breeze blows through his hair, and it makes your heart dance. Levi is so pretty, you think to yourself.

“You okay?” You’re suddenly aware of your staring, and you force yourself to look away.

‘Yes. Just thinking about how nice today is.’ You give him a small smile.

“Yes, it is. Ready to eat?” He turns around and sweeps his arm in the direction of a small building on the edge of the parking lot. It’s blue and the outside looks almost like a farmhouse with a half wrapped wooden porch around it. Above the main entrance is a sign that reads ‘Kirschstein’s’ in black cursive font. If this is a restaurant, then it was as ‘mom and pop’ as it could get. Levi walks off with you right behind.

The moment you step through the front door, a pleasant chime rings through the whole restaurant. A couple customers occupy some small tables already, so it was relatively quiet save for the light music coming from the speakers in the ceiling. The aesthetic gives a very rustic and homey feel, heavily mirroring the outside. It’s quaint and simple and it makes you like it even more.

“SASHA! THE DOOR. PUT THAT FORK DOWN FIRST.” You hear an older woman yell from the back. A second later, a girl with reddish-brown hair pulled into a ponytail jumps through a door and over to the podium in the front. She has a couple of crumbs around her mouth which currently widens into a grin at you.

“Hi! Welcome to Kirschsteins! Just the two of you today?”

“Yes, please. Outside, if possible.” Levi speaks up, jerking his head to the side door. You follow his movement, and you see a cute little unfenced patio facing the park with small tables peppering around it.

“Yes, sir! Follow me.” With a flourish, she grabs two menus and starts over to the patio.

When you both settle in, you can’t help but wonder if this might be a date. He catches your eye only for you to swiftly look down at your menu, pretending to look at your options. He hasn’t said anything outright about it, and you suppose two friends can go out for lunch without it being considered a date, right? Your thoughts are going a million miles a minute that you barely hear Levi calling your name. When you look over the menu, you see Levi staring at you with a raised brow.

“What would you like to drink?” He glances over to the side. Following his gaze, your eyes fall on a tall, slender boy with freckles and kind brown eyes.

“Hi, I’m Marco! Can I get you something to drink?” He gives you a soft smile. You glance over to Levi and sign ‘water’.

“She says water and I’ll take a cup of hot black tea.” Marco nods and leaves the two of you alone. The sounds of laughing children and birdsong make their way into your ears.

“Where’d you go just now?” Levi asks, leaning back into his chair as he stares at you.

‘I don’t know, just thinking.’ You then look back down to your menu, attempting to find something to eat. You hear him hum in response but say nothing else. This wasn’t a date, it couldn’t be.

After a bit, you hear the patio door open, and you look up to see your waiter holding your water glass as well as a saucer supporting a dainty teacup. He sets them down gently and then pulls out a notepad from his apron.

“If you’re ready, I can take your order now.” he says, eyes shifting back and forth between the two of you. Levi glances over at you, ready for you to tell him your order. You still haven’t given the menu a close enough look, so you take a quick glance before panic-choosing.

‘Triple berry crepe, extra whipped cream.’ Levi nods in understanding then glances down to his own menu. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he chose the first thing his eyes landed on as well.

“She’ll take the triple berry crepe with extra whipped cream, and I’ll have the classic omurice, light ketchup please.” Levi hands Marco the menu and you do the same, smiling at the freckled boy. He nods and tucks his notepad back into his apron before grabbing the menus.

“Sounds great. Please let me know if there’s anything you need while waiting.” He bows and then he’s gone. You meet Levi’s eyes; they’re a light gray today, like storm clouds after a bout of rain.

You both sit in silence for a bit, unsure of what to say. Levi fiddles with his silverware and you pick at you fingernails, a habit you've been unsuccessfully trying to break. Picking up your hands, you start to sign but Levi starts talking at the same time.

"So, ho- Oh, sorry." He crosses a leg over his knee and stares over at you. “Go ahead."

'Go ahead.' You sign at the same time as his words. He smirks at your soft laugh.

"Just say it."

‘Your sign reading is better.’ You grab your water glass and take a tentative sip. The sides of the glass are already perspiring so after setting it down, you wipe your hand on your napkin, taking note that it most likely wasn’t just water that you were drying off.

“I would hope so, otherwise those classes have been a waste.” Levi mutters before taking a careful sip of his own drink, holding his teacup the way he does. There’s that knot in between his eyebrows again.

‘Classes?’ There’s a softness in his gaze.

“Yeah, I’m taking classes. I didn’t want to be the only one not knowing what you were saying.” He rolls his eyes and looks away again. Levi’s cheeks start flushing your favorite shade of pink.

What he said might sound like common sense, but to you it meant so much more. Levi wasn’t one to do things short term, meaning he wouldn’t throw his money away on something that he would deem temporary. By your own reasoning, Levi plans to be in your life for a while. And that makes your chest warm. You don’t know what to say to that. Luckily, you don’t need to think of what to say as Marco comes swinging out the door with your plates.

“Alright, I’ve got one triple berry crepe with extra whipped cream…” he trails off as he sets your plate down in front of you and continues, “and one omurice, light ketchup.” He places Levi’s down then stands up straight with his hands behind his back. “How does everything look?” Levi glances over to you and you give him a thumbs up of approval.

“Everything looks great. Can I get another tea?”

“Absolutely, I’ll be right out with that.” And then he’s gone again.

When you look down to your plate, your stomach starts rumbling even more. You are famished, consequences of your own doing of course. You’re quick to cut into the fresh berries and soft crepe, taking a huge bite. You can’t contain the squeal that comes out because it may have been the best tasting thing you’ve ever had.

You’ve lived in Jinae for almost a year and you can’t believe this is the first time you’ve heard of and been to this place. You hear Levi let out a breathy chuckle, and you glance up at him. He’s watching you in amusement, an actual smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Is it good?” You nod back enthusiastically, smiling back at him.

“Good. My mom and I used to frequent this place. Especially for her birthday.” He says softly as he tucks his napkin onto his lap as he speaks. There’s a wistful tone in his voice. You’re again lost for words. You can’t help but think how different this Levi is compared to the one you met so many months ago. And you liked this version of him. No, not version. This is him. And you really… really like him.

As always, a familiar silence befalls you both as you dig in. Levi’s tea comes out at some point but you’re too engrossed in your food to notice. There are a couple moments where he catches your eye and then looks away. You get this feeling like he wants to say something but won’t. You know better than to force it out of him though, so you opt to give him a soft smile in return before his eyes leave yours. Just as you’re about to finish, someone comes bursting out the patio door.

“Hey guys, sorry to startle you but my boyfriend got stuck doing something else so I’m here to drop off your check. No rush of course.” The voice belongs to a kid with ash-brown hair styled in an undercut. He’s in a white button up with an apron tied around him.

He sets a black checkbook down on the table and turns to leave. A singular checkbook. Your eyes meet Levi’s for a quick second and then you’re setting your fork down and reaching into your cross-body purse. You slam your card onto the table. Levi, of course, is faster.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi quips as he slides his card into the fold with deft fingers.

‘What are you doing? Put that back!’ You glare at him as you grab your card and push it towards the new waiter who had turned back to see what the commotion was about.

“You put it back! It’s your birthday, dumbass. I’m not about to make you pay for any of this.” Sticking your tongue out, you ignore Levi and flap your card out in front of the waiter.

The waiter looks over to you sympathetically before muttering, “He was faster ma’am. Also, not to be impolite or nosy but it is your birthday.” He grabs the checkbook with Levi’s card and runs back into the building. Your eyes land on Levi and he’s watching you with a smug grin. You cross your arms over your chest and stare back.

‘Were you planning to pay this whole time?’

“What if I was?”

‘Well, I wouldn’t have come.’ Levi rolls his eyes at that.

“Just shut up and let me treat you for your birthday.” You slump back in your chair, defeated but far from dejected. The same thought of ‘is this a date?’ keeps floating through your mind. He paid for it, but that doesn’t make it a date. It was just a kind gesture from one friend to another, that’s all.

‘Thank you, Levi. I appreciate it. But I’m paying for the next meal.’ You stick your tongue out again in feign defiance.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” He purses his lips but not a single bit of amusement leaves his eyes.

On the way back to the car, you glance over at the park. There are more kids out now, playing and swinging on the playground. You double take as you notice a snow-cone stand to the side of it with a small line, something that wasn’t there when you first arrived. You stop and turn to Levi, automatically catching his attention as you do.

‘Dessert?’ You point over to the stall with a wide grin.

“Sure. But we’re eating it out here.” He answers faster than you thought he would, so you fumble for a moment as Levi starts off in that direction. He wouldn’t tell you, but the reason why he would agree so quickly is because he would give anything to spend more time with you. He glances behind his shoulder, noticing you haven’t moved yet.

“Are you coming?” He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and turns to you with concern. Your grin becomes wider, and you hop over so that you’re standing right next to him. You won’t understand the extent of it until later, but you would follow Levi to the ends of the earth if it meant being with him.

‘Yes, but I’m paying.’ And then you run off before Levi realizes what you said, his fast paced steps right on your heels a moment later.

Levi decides to roll the windows down as he drives off to the next location that he had in mind. You’re staring at Levi from the passenger seat, arm propped up against the door with the wind blowing through your hair. You’re lost in your thoughts as you burn into memory the curves of Levi’s side profile when his voice cuts into the silence.

“Is there something on my face?” He glances over at you with a side eye. Heat rises into your cheeks and you shake your head in response. You look back out of your open window at the trees flying by. Again, you find yourself in an unfamiliar part of town. It almost looks residential with a lot of the homes overgrown with ivy and weather damage that happened over time.

‘Where are we going?’

“Our second to last stop, there’s someone I want you to meet. Then we will head to our last errand before the final destination.” We. Our. It’s not the first time that he’s used those words, but it never fails to make you giddy.

Levi pulls into another small parking lot, but this time attached to a large beige building. Dozens of arched windows line up evenly throughout the whole structure. Big wide sliding doors under a large blue canopy nestles in the middle. The building itself is symmetrical, both sides sprawled out like the wings of a dove.

‘What is this place?’

“Welcome to Riverside Assisted Living.” Levi puts the car into park and looks over at you. There’s a glimmer of worry in his eyes, his eyebrows knitted yet again. He’s waiting for a response. You want to reach over and smooth out his face, but instead you offer him a soft smile.

‘Your mom?’ Never mind the anxiety of meeting someone so important to Levi, the fact that he even wanted you to meet her is enough to make you want to explode. Instead, you swallow all of that down. Whatever his intention, Levi is worried about what you think. You’re already unbuckling your seat belt and making your way out of the car before he even confirms it with a 'yes’. When you don’t hear Levi moving, you glance back at him over your shoulder.

‘Are you coming?’ Levi stares at you for a moment before following suit. Once everything is locked, you and Levi make your way over to the front doors. He stops and looks over at you once more. You offer him that same soft smile from a moment ago. You don’t know if it’s enough to reassure him, but you would keep trying anyway.

“Ah, Mr. Ackerman. Welcome back! Unfortunately, you just missed the cake.” One of the receptionists pipes up from behind his computer. His eyes land on you and a bright, toothy smile replaces his previous kind one. “Oh, you brought your girlfriend!” Levi inhales sharply and chokes a little.

“I’m sorry, uh. Friend. Just-“ Levi clears his throat. “Just friend.” You smile back at the receptionist and nod in agreement, but you’d be lying if his quick response didn’t hurt you a little.

“Oh, my apologies! I shouldn’t assume.” He chuckles a little and glances back and forth between the two of you before back down to his computer for a moment. “It seems Ms. Kuchel is enjoying the warm weather today. She’s having a good day today, as well.” He slides two visitor stickers on top of the counter in your direction, both with the name ‘Ackerman’ written on it.

Levi hands you yours before slapping his own on his chest. You stare down at it for a moment before doing the same. You assume that these are just to let the employees know who you were here to see, but something in you feels thrilled from wearing his last name on you.

“Great, thank you.” At that, Levi heads off down the hall. You sign a quick thank you to the kind receptionist and follow Levi before he disappears from view.

Riverside Assisted Living is designed to be very welcoming and warm. Light yellow paints the hallways you both walk down. Miscellaneous vintage paintings break up the monotony - one portrait of a goose in particular makes you double take. It might be a little outdated, but it is lovely nonetheless. Some part of you feels a sense of familiarity, as if you had been here before - or at least something like it.

Levi continues down another hall that ends with a large glass door. Already, you can spot a few people milling about on plush green grass. When Levi reaches the end of the hall, he pulls the door open and holds it with his body, waiting for you to pass through. When you brush past Levi, the scent of faint cologne and fresh laundry wafts with you. As soon as you’re out the door, your mouth practically drops in awe.

The space is a lot larger than you expected it to be. This courtyard is surrounded by the rest of the building on each side and down a slight hill lies the river that cuts through. It’s separated by a white picket fence, probably to keep patients from accidentally wandering too far. There aren’t very many of them out as you initially thought. The ones you can see appear to be enjoying the sunshine in different ways. Levi calls your name, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"This way." Following his voice, you see him down the hill a bit. Levi points over to a small flower garden sitting by the river. There’s only one person sitting on a bench overlooking it all, their back to you so all you can see is long black hair blowing in the breeze. Your heart squeezes in your chest but you’re not sure if it’s from excitement or… something else.

You catch up with Levi in no time, much to your dismay. As you both walk over to who you assume is his mom, you’re suddenly hyper aware of what you’re wearing. You can’t keep your hands from fidgeting at the fabric of your blouse. Suddenly, Levi’s hand is on your wrist, holding it in place with a gentle grip.

“Stop. She’s going to love you. She already does, even if she won’t remember.” He whispers over to you, his eyes searching into yours earnestly. It takes a few deep breaths, but finally you nod back to him. The corners of his mouth twitch as he lets go of you. He gives you another long look before glancing back over to his mom.

“Stay here for a moment.” He makes his way over to the bench before stopping short on the unoccupied side.

“Kuchel?” Your eyes linger on Levi’s face, and you notice a subtle shift in his demeanor as he calls out for her. You see the woman in question turn and look over in his direction. You’re only given a glimpse of her side profile, but you’re able to see a semi-blank look on her face like she’s lost in thought. When her eyes focus, she just stares at Levi.

“Can I help you?” Her voice is soft and sweet, and it stirs something deep within you. It’s definitely familiar to you. Her expression goes from glassy to confused.

“Hi, I’m Levi. Can I sit with you?” Levi gestures to the empty side of the bench. Kuchel nods and watches as Levi lowers himself down before continuing on, “How are you today?”

“I’m okay today. The flowers are blooming very nicely.” She’s still looking at him wearily, but there’s a smile on her face now.

“They are. Which one is your favorite?” Levi’s voice has a gentleness to it that you never imagined was possible. There’s a matching smile on his lips now. Again, something you’ve never thought you’d see from him.

“It’s quite hard to choose. They’re all just so lovely.” She chuckles quietly and looks back over at the flowers dancing in the gentle wind.

“They are. I heard today is your birthday, is it okay to give you something?” Her birthday? In the recesses of your mind, a memory triggers. You’re at home and sharing a dessert that Kuchel had bought for the two of you as a gift, Levi and your brother both horsing around in the background. She says something to you and then together, you both blow out the single candle sticking out on top. That’s right, you and his mom share a birthday. It must have been a day that Levi’s dad was out, thankfully. Knowing what you know now, it warms your heart to know she was so kind to you when she didn’t have to be. Sharing not only her special day, but her dessert that she probably spent a good chunk of her paycheck on to afford it.

“Oh is it?” Kuchel looks back over to Levi with suspicion. She shifts on the bench and clasps her hands together on her lap. “Sure.”

Levi pulls out a little box he had tucked into his jeans and places it down in the space between them on the bench. She reaches over and takes it with shaky hands. You can’t see what it is from your angle, but it must have been nice. Kuchel reaches over and touches Levi’s face and gives his cheek a gentle squeeze.

“You are such a sweet boy. Thank you, it’s beautiful.” She lets go of Levi to put it back in the box and closes it.

“Speaking of, I’d like you to meet someone if that’s okay? I don’t want to overwhelm you if you’re not ready, though.” She just nods in response. With that, Levi glances over at you and beckons you over with a small wave. Taking a deep breath, you straighten up and walk over to Levi’s side of the bench. Kuchel’s eyes snap over to you.

“Kuchel, this is my good friend-“ She cuts Levi off with your name and it startles you both. You glance down at Levi nervously, not sure what to do. He looks over to his mom and raises an eyebrow.

“Ma?”

“Oh goodness me. You just remind me of someone I knew a long time ago.” Kuchel chuckles again and then looks over at Levi. There’s a clarity in her expression that wasn’t there before. “Oh is that my little Levi??” The smile on her face is infectious and you would have caught it if you weren’t so shocked.

“Hey Ma, it’s me.” He reaches over and grabs her hands in his. “You’re not wrong, this is her.” Levi looks over to you.

“There’s no way, look how grown she is!” Kuchel suddenly stands up and stares at you with disbelief. You wave at her sheepishly, still not certain of what to do.

“Yes, it’s been quite a while since you’ve last seen her. It’s her birthday today too, do you remember sharing it with her?” Levi asks gently. Kuchel steps over to you until she’s face to face with you. Levi must have gotten his height from her because she stands a couple inches below you. She stares up at your face, inspecting it. Being this close grants you a better look at her features so you study her just the same. Levi is practically a carbon copy of his mom. Everything down to the pouty bottom lip is Levi’s. She whispers your name, familiarity finally coming to her. Before you know it, she’s pulling you into a bear hug.

You’re so startled that it takes you a moment, but you eventually reciprocate it just as tightly. Something in you frays. This felt so warm, so comforting. So motherlike. Only when you pull away sniffling do you realize you’ve started crying. Kuchel reaches up and wipes your tears with a thumb, completely vexed by your actions.

“Why are you crying, darling?”

‘I’m sorry.’ Kuchel watches you sign curiously and then looks over to Levi.

“She’s mute, but she can hear you. She apologizes.” Levi pipes up behind you.

“Oh, honey, look at you! You’ve grown up so much. Happy birthday sweetheart.” She steps back to get a better look at you. “Oh my, you’re not a little girl anymore, are you? Are you taking care of yourself?” She grabs you by the shoulders and stares into your misty eyes as she continues to fuss over you. Her words affect you so much that tears start rolling down your face.

‘Can I hug you again?’ Levi translates for you. Kuchel nods and gives you a big smile before pulling you into another suffocating hug.

The rest of the visit felt like a blur. After your initial meeting, you had stepped back to let Levi visit with his mom. The three of you sat by the garden enjoying the breeze and each other’s company. At one point, Levi’s pinky makes its way to yours in the middle of conversation and he squeezes it gently before letting go like nothing happened. It ended with more big hugs and dragged-out goodbyes. You wouldn’t have minded staying a little longer, but Levi reminded you that you both had somewhere to be soon.

You find yourself staring out the window at the trees blurring green. It’s around early evening by this time, and you fight a yawn threatening to make its way out. The ride itself is silent, not even the radio is playing. Levi breaks it with a gentle voice.

“Are you okay?” You turn over to Levi and nod, offering a smile.

‘Yeah, just need a moment.’ He doesn’t respond, which leaves you both in silence again. You fidget with your seatbelt as you stew on what you really wanted to ask.

“It’s okay to ask.” Levi gives you a quick side-eye.

‘Does your mom have dementia?’ You spell it out in case he wouldn’t recognize the word. A moment passes before Levi speaks again.

“Yes. It’s been progressing quickly.”

‘Is this why she was in the hospital back in March?’

“Yeah, but it wasn’t this bad. Back in December is when she started showing symptoms of it. It took some time to get some answers.” Levi slows down for a red light. He fully turns his head to look over at you. There’s an evident darkness not only in his eyes but under them as well. You wonder if he’s gotten any sleep lately.

‘She’s just as lovely as I think I remember. I forgot we share a birthday.’ You think back to that memory from earlier. ’She is quite a wonderful person, isn’t she?’ Levi watches you carefully. He’s not just tired, there’s a level of exhaustion there that you just now notice. It takes everything in you to not fling yourself over to him and hold him. Thank goodness for the seatbelt.

“She really is.” He mumbles softly and looks back to the road. The light turns green, and the car starts rolling again.

‘Can I ask why the assisted living place and not with you?’ Levi grips the steering wheel tightly and purses his lips. You’re afraid you might have pushed too hard, but he just sighs.

“It was her request. She didn’t want to burden me with her illness, even though I told her many times it didn’t matter to me. It’s what she wanted.” Levi mutters.

‘You’re a good son. She really loves you.’ He chuckles at that.

“So she says.”

‘Does it hurt to talk about her? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.’ Levi’s face falls a bit. Your heart breaks for him.

“No, no it’s not that. I just- I don’t talk about her much, so. This is different.”

‘Will you talk about her more then? If you’d like. I’d love to listen.’

And so, he does the entire car ride. Even after he made a quick stop at a bakery on the way, he continued without issue. At some point in his stories, he actually starts smiling. One that makes your heart flutter and soar. You twisted in the passenger seat with your head resting against the top of it, staring at Levi while he talks animatedly about the things he and his mom used to get up to. There’s a lightness in his eyes and you swear he briefly turned into that little boy you vaguely remember so long ago.

For once, you’re in a part of town that you recognize. This is Onyankopon’s neighborhood. All of the houses you pass are all cookie-cutter and are only told apart by the unique decorations that litter every lawn. It was clear you were going to his house, which piques your curiosity.

You’ve only been over for his occasional game nights, something he decided to do once he saw how successful Hange’s movie nights went. After a bit, Levi slows down in front of a familiar house, the street filled with multiple cars. Fortunately, the driveway is clear, and Levi ends up pulling up into it. Much to your surprise, your sister is standing out waiting, waving their hands up above their hands like they were flagging a plane.

“Damn shorty, took you long enough! We’ve been waiting forever!” Hange screeches the moment you both slide out of the vehicle. Levi grabs the bakery box from the back seat and rolls his eyes once he meets Hange’s gaze.

“You asked me to distract. So, I did.” He scoffs then heads through a gate connected to the backyard, disappearing from view.

‘What are you doing??’ You ask as Hange bounds over to you with a wide grin.

“Don’t worry about it. Turn around and close your eyes.” You cock an eyebrow at her in disbelief. “Trust me.” It was your turn to roll your eyes, but you do as you’re told. Suddenly, Hange’s warm hands are covering your eyes from behind. “And walk.”

You’re not sure if they did it on purpose but at one point you end up walking face first into the fence. They apologize through a fit of giggles and you attempt to kick at her from behind, missing of course. Eventually, Hange stops you. There are a myriad of noises coming from a lot of different places and you would be lying if you said you weren’t a little overwhelmed.

“Don’t open your eyes until I say, okay?” You nod and then feel Hange’s hands pull away. A couple beats and then you hear them shout, “Okay, now!” When you open your eyes, it takes a moment for them to adjust from the abrupt change in brightness. But when they do, you’re again for what feels like the millionth time today, at a loss for words.

Nanaba, Onyankopon, Furlan, Moblit, and Hange all have their arms wide open as they yell ‘SURPRISE!’. Miche and Erwin are off to the side, standing by a grill, and they’re both smiling as well. Levi is nowhere to be found. A hand goes to your mouth as you stare in bewilderment at the rest of the yard.

The entire backyard is strung up with fairy lights and multi-colored streamers. On the back fence, a large white screen is pinned up and in front of that on the grass are multiple bean bags and spread-out blankets. There’s a long table tucked into that corner with a popcorn maker and a ton of other snacks that you couldn’t make out from here. The other corner has a table filled with presents of various sizes and colors. In the center, there’s a large rectangular table all set with dishware, cutlery, and various covered platters. A cookout and movie night it seems like, and you couldn’t be more thrilled.

You jump excitedly and run to your friends, hugging each of them tightly. No amount of thank yous could cover the gratitude you felt for each of them.

“Man, it took you so long to get here! Did Levi hold you hostage?” Nanaba jokes. She has a beer in hand and she’s already pink in the face from it. She must be a couple drinks in, you guess. You shake your hand in a ‘maybe’ gesture at her and she just laughs.

“He didn’t wreck my car, did he?” Erwin laughs down at you as you run over. Miche ruffles your hair, and you smack him away with a grin. Both of them also have a beer can in hand, laid back in airy casual clothes. You turn to Erwin and shake your head in response only to raise an eyebrow at his apron. The words ‘Dedicate your heart to grilling’ in large red letters decorate the front.

“What do you think? It looks good, right?” Erwin tugs at it and wiggles his big brows at you then directs his attention back to the grill, flipping something you can’t see from this angle. It smells delicious.

“Did you and Levi have a good time out today?” Miche mutters down to you quietly, taking a swig from his can. Before you can respond, you’re startled by loud voice from behind.

“Ah yes, please do tell!” Your sister yells as they saunter over to your little group. They have a plastic tiara in their hands, sunshine glaring off every corner of it. Before you can protest, she slides it into your hair and slaps your hands down when you attempt to move it. Hange wraps an arm around your shoulders when she’s satisfied then bumps her head against yours gently as she says, “What did you and Levi do today?” Even Erwin’s eyes are on you as you shrink back from the sudden focus on you and Levi.

‘It was good. We got lunch together and then we went to visit his mom.’ Hange translates for Miche. Erwin, however, stares over at you with shock.

“He took you to visit his mom?”

‘Yeah, she’s quite lovely. We share a birthday.’ You get this feeling like Erwin didn’t know that. In their many years of friendship, he’s had to have met Kuchel at least once, right? He only hums in thought and continues on with his job.

“That sounds like a lovely time. I’m glad he took care of you.” Hange winks and pokes your cheek before letting go of you and turns you to face them. “Okay so here are the plans. We’re going to mingle, we’re going to eat, we’re going to open presents, and then we’re watching your favorite movie while we eat snacks and hang out. How does that sound?” You pull her into a tight hug in response and she laughs loudly.

“Sounds like a yes to me. Hey Erwin, how much longer?” Onyankopon joins in on your little huddle. You pull away from Hange and turn around to see where everyone else is. Moblit and Furlan are both messing with the projector and Nanaba is pulling another drink out of the cooler under the snack table. Levi is still nowhere to be found.

‘Excuse me.’ You sign quickly before slipping away towards the sliding glass doors that lead into Onyankpon’s house.

When you step in, it’s noticeably cooler. ‘Pon’s house is very much a bachelor pad, and you had said so the first time you came over. At least he has style, you think. At first, everything is quiet save for the snap of the door as you close it behind you. You stand there for a moment. Suddenly, your ears twitch at something metal being placed down on a counter in the kitchen. There you are.

When you round the corner, you spot Levi sitting at the island top with a mug in hand as he stares out the kitchen window. He seems lost in thought. His dark eyes trail over to you at your movement but says nothing.

‘Can I join you?’ He nods and jerks his head to the seat next to him.

“Bored already?” Levi says as you sit down. His voice is tired.

‘Not necessarily. I just didn’t want to celebrate without everyone there.’ He takes another sip and hunches forward on the counter onto his elbows.

‘Did you want to talk about it, Levi?’ He sets his mug down and puts his face in his propped-up hand, tilting his head so that he’s looking at you dead-on. Levi purses his lips.

“I just miss her.” He whispers over at you. You don’t resist it this time – you reach over and brush away some of the hair that fell into his eyes. He doesn’t jump at your touch anymore, you realize.

‘It must be difficult doing this alone. You don’t have to be.’ There’s a brief moment where you’re both staring at each other before Levi reaches over and lightly grips your wrist in his long fingers, tugging you closer. They’re cold, creating goosebumps that pop up all over your arms – or was it the proximity of Levi? You’re not certain of what might happen next, but you don’t resist. His lips part as if to say something but is interrupted by Furlan yelling from the hallway, the increase in volume signifying his quick approach. Levi has already let go and is focusing hard on his mug.

“Where are you both?! Dinner is ready!” Furlan rounds the corner and stops abruptly as his eyes land on you and Levi. He smirks and leans against the archway. “There you two are.”

“We’re coming, jeez. Calm down.” Levi grumbles next to you as he stands up. He walks over to the sink to rinse his mug out. When you glance back over to Furlan, he winks at you and leaves the way he came. Levi steps past you but you reach out and grab his wrist to keep him from leaving. He looks down at you and raises an eyebrow. You made him stop but you don’t even know what to say or do next.

“There’s no need to make them wait for the birthday girl any longer than they already have.” He mutters down to you. He moves his fingers so that they’re interlaced with yours and pulls you up from your chair with a gentle pull. He stares at you with his cloudy gray eyes before eventually saying, “We can talk more later.” And then he’s leading you through the house and back out the glass door.

Dinner was fun, as it always is with your group of friends. Despite the amount of energy you put into refusing, you were made to sit at the head of the table – with your plastic tiara no less. You ended up not really minding as much as you thought you would. This seat granted you the best spot to watch your friends mess around and chat. Levi wound up being put at the other end of the table, so you were able to catch his eye a couple times throughout. At some point, you had gotten so lost in thought about him that Hange had to throw a chip at you to break you out of it.

“Thinking about all the presents we got you?” Hange jokes once you focus on her face.

‘Just thinking about how ridiculous yours is going to be.’ You stick your tongue out at them.

“Oh, you're going to regret that. Clear the plates! IT’S TIME.” Your sister is practically vibrating in excitement. This isn’t different from her usual self, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested.

You were told to stay in your seat as everyone else cleaned off the table and set it up with the presents. Hange comes by and swipes what you suspect is hers and you assume she’s going to bring it to you to open it first, but instead she holds it in her arms.

“Yes, I know, I usually ask to go first. But not this time.” She grins wickedly. Forget interest, you’re now afraid. You reach for another package with caution, eyeballing your sister.

It’s small with simple gold wrapping. ‘Erwin’ is written in neat font on the top of it. You glance up at the gift-giver in question. He has chin in his hands as he stares over at you with hard focus. You hate to ruin the presentation, but you can’t help as your excitement wins out and you tear into it. A small box with a yellow polaroid camera stares back at you. You sit up straight and smile widely at Erwin as you sign a ‘thank you’ to him.

“You’re welcome! You know I got myself one too. They’re quite neat, don’t you think?” He says boisterously. His reaction makes you laugh as you set it aside to open the next one.

It went like this for the next half hour. You are gifted clothes and travel items, all summer themed. You know that it’s probably because Summer is right around the corner, but there’s a part of you that feels like these gifts were all coordinated. There’s a moment where you’re just side-eying Hange as they hold your gift hostage, but they just shrug their shoulders with a smug grin.

Finally, you’re down to the last one, and by process of elimination, you know it’s Levi’s. You catch his eye at the end of the table again. He’s leaning back in his chair as he stares over at you, a hint of amusement in his face. Levi’s gift is in the form of a small, blue envelope. You eye him curiously as you flip it open and pull the contents out. A folded slip of paper is the only thing that comes out of it. At first glance once you open it, you notice it’s a printed email from a place called Jinae Community Aquatic Center.

This email is to confirm your reserved spot for adult swimming lessons

Your first lesson is scheduled for Saturday, June 3rd at 10:00am.

Location: Pool B

Please bring appropriate swimming gear as well as your filled out forms attached to this email.

We look forward to seeing you then!

-JCAC

You stare over at Levi with bewilderment. Swimming lessons? You knew how to swim, kind of. But this was truly the most random gift out of them all.

‘What is this?’ Hange comes over to you and takes the paper to get a better look at it.

“Yeah, Levi, what is this? I thought we agreed you’d get her some floaties?” Hange whines as she stares over at him.

“Well, with the lessons, we’ll know she can swim for sure. Floaties not needed.” He shrugs and looks away disinterested.

Why would you need swimming lessons?

‘What is going on?’ You stare back up at your sister, puffing your cheeks out in slight annoyance.

“Okay okay, just open this last one. It’ll make sense then.” She places it in front of you on the table and steps back. You look back up at everyone else and they’re watching in anticipation. As usual, you rip it apart and under the wrapping is a clothing box. Pulling off the lid reveals an envelope on top of sheer stuffing paper. You go for the envelope first, pulling the flap open and revealing the contents.

Inside is another confirmation email, but this time from an international airline. You stand up from your seat quickly as you read the information on it, the chair clattering backwards behind you from the sudden shift in movement. This email confirms flights for four people, all set to take off early on the morning of June 20th. You’ve never heard of this town Liberio before, but you didn’t care. It was in a whole other country, and you were going in a month.

You jump up and down in excitement then tackle Hange with a hug before letting go and signing, ‘Who is all coming?’

“Take a guess, goofball.” She shifts her gaze to Erwin and Levi. “I tried roping in everyone else but apparently, they have ‘better’ things going on.” She stares at Onyankopon with a teasing glare.

“You just had to schedule it the same time I’m going back home to visit.” ‘Pon rolls his eyes.

“Hange didn’t even tell me until like a week ago. Besides, I’m kind of out of vacation days.” Furlan chirps in, rubbing the back on his neck awkwardly.

When you look over at Miche, he just shrugs and says, “Beach towns aren’t really my thing. Saves me some money.”

“Listen, I wanted to!! But,” Nanaba glances over to Miche and for a split second you pick up on a vibe you hadn’t before. You squint your eyes at Miche, but he just avoids your eyes, opting to take a drink of his beer instead. “Prior commitments, sorry.” She looks over at you apologetically.

‘It’s okay. This is perfect! We’re going to have so much fun!’ You fling your arms around Hange again and squeeze tight.

“There’s one more present from me. Pull it out.” That wicked gleam is back in her eyes.

You pull back the paper between pinched fingers like there’s a bomb under it. Something pink catches your eye. You touch it and it’s a soft fabric. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you pull it out all the way and regret it immediately. Dangling from a hanger is a two-piece baby pink bathing suit. A very exposed and suggestive one, at that. Across the way, you see Levi spitting out the drink he had just taken a sip of with his eyes bulging out of his face. Nanaba laughs and wolf whistles.

“Hange, c’mon. Really?” Erwin chastises Hange with a very bright pink face – it almost matches the suit.

“What? I think she’ll look really cute in it.” You place it gingerly back in the box and cover it up. Your face heats up from embarrassment. You cut your eyes over to your sister and make a face at her.

“What?! She will!!” With that, you quickly tuck the box away with your other gifts and grab Hange by the face with both hands to get their attention.

‘Thank you. But if you’re done embarrassing me, can we go watch a movie now?’ Hange laughs and grabs you by the arm before pulling you with her to the beanbags.

It takes a while for the late spring sun to start setting, but eventually you find yourself sitting in a cushy bean bag snuggled up with your sister picking at a shared bowl of popcorn. The final decision on the movie landed on you since ‘it’s your special day’. You honestly didn’t care so you clicked on the first thing that passed by – an action thriller. With cars racing and buildings exploding, it would at least be fun for everyone.

Moblit and Furlan’s set up was on par with a drive-in, possibly even better. They had somehow connected a surround sound system with noise-sensitive LED lights creating a very immersive experience. With every explosion, the lights would flash a matching orange mixed with a resounding boom. Unfortunately, even that couldn’t hold your attention as your mind wandered early on into the film.

For one, the news of the beach trip next month really threw you for a loop. Hange had explained the circumstances of how the trip came to be as you all waited for the sun to set enough.

Apparently, Erwin had this trip planned for a while as an anniversary vacation for him and Carly back before November happened. He brought it up to Hange because unfortunately a lot of it was non-refundable and he didn’t want it to go to waste. Erwin had initially offered to gift it to you and your sister as a surprise but Hange being Hange, they had talked Erwin into extending the trip and coming with.

From there, your mind wanders to Levi – as it tends to do with everything. You couldn’t believe that Erwin and Hange had successfully talked him into closing the shop for a week and a half so he could make it too. Even though you had only known Levi for a short time, you knew this was not his thing. The traveling, the summer heat, especially the crowds. And yet, he was willing to come. You have a sneaking suspicion as to why.

You feel a stare burning into the back of your head and when you look back to see who it’s from, you catch Levi watching you from a couple bean bags over. You raise your hand in a small wave and he does the same. There’s that knot in his eyebrows again and you wonder what he might be thinking about. Probably the same thing you are. Levi holds your gaze a little longer before he shifts in his seat and looks away.

There’s something going on between the two of you, you can’t deny that. And you think he knows that too. Part of you wonders why he’s taking so long to say anything but then again, so are you. But you don’t know how much longer you can hold yourself back anymore. If it wasn’t for the self-doubt clawing in your chest, you would go over to him and kiss him right now.

Levi doesn’t get home until around one in the morning, not like that bothered him much. He was accustomed to being up at weird hours. Fresh out of the shower, Levi runs a towel through his wet hair as he sits himself down at his desk chair. He settles into the soft cushion and leans back, closing his eyes for a moment.

That’s twice now that Levi almost kissed you.

Though, it would have been much more if he acted on his impulsive thoughts.

He rubs his eyes with the heels of his palm and groans. These feelings for you were starting to consume every part of him and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out. It was coming to the point where if he doesn’t talk to you about it soon, he might combust. There’s no mistaking how you both just make sense together, as stupid as it sounds to him.

‘It must be difficult doing this alone. You don’t have to be.’

There’s always been a part of him that knows he doesn’t have to do it alone. Even after years of figuratively carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, he knew. But getting out of that mindset was not something he thought he had an option to do - until you. He’s never had someone offer to be there for him. Granted, he never lets anyone in like that in the first place. But as startling as it is, he was okay letting those walls down – if it’s for you. You were offering to take the weight of the sky with him so that he didn’t have to suffer alone.

Sitting up, his fingers move fast as he grabs his phone from the desk and clicks on your name. It rings once before the line clicks open. There’s silence of course, but your soft breathing is enough to ensure that you were there. A moment passes and his phone buzzes with a message.

‘Are you okay?’

“I just didn’t want to be alone.” Levi mutters. He hears something scratch on the other side and then another buzz.

‘I’ll be here as long as you need.’

You ended up falling asleep about half an hour later, but Levi didn’t mind. Your deep breathing from the other end calms him so much so that before he knows it, he wakes up in his chair to the early morning light filtering into his bedroom. The line is still on, and you’re still there.

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