#like okay. i do see where people are coming from of course i do it makes sense. HOWEVER

[minalover]

alright friends and enemies, gather round, it's time to talk.

first of all, looks like we're a little fuzzy on the term gaslighting. so, to refresh your memory:

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.

good. now that that's out of the way.

i got triggered by a post today, floating around the side of the fandom that doesn't cross my dash that often, that i didn't expect to hit that hard. see, that's the thing about triggers. most of the time, they're not big, scary, overall concepts. most of the time, they're very small. very specific. words, actions, tones. and i didn't expect this one to hit me. but it did. so hard that i've been trying not to cry for the past hour or so and inspired me to write this down. because it's unbelievably clear, due to the behavior over the last few days, that we need to talk.

eddie's behavior in the kitchen fight in 8x17 was not abusive. point blank. and calling it so is disingenuous. this was a painful and very realistic fight between two people who love and support each other and, due to outrageous circumstances, cannot fight clean. eddie cuts buck to the quick. buck does the same to eddie. the hand on the shoulder and pointer finger is the same behavior we've seen from eddie multiple times, ranging from goofy (bachelor party) to vulnerable (post-tsunami) to supportive (when buck comes out to eddie). this one was done in rage and grief. of course it doesn't look the same. of course it feels different. (from a cinematographical perspective, if they had wanted it to read as abusive, they would have shown it to us. but they didn't. so make your own conclusions if you're able.)

eddie does not have a history of violent or abusive behavior. if you're about to lean on the he almost killed a guy in fight club, yeah. he did. are you also talking about lena bosko, who got him into the first club, in the same way? do you want to talk about how eddie was using it as the world's worst coping mechanism to avoid grief? or how he immediately worked to save the man's life, call for help, and quit? no? okay. you know how else i know he doesn't have a history of violent behavior? because no one is afraid of him. not his son, not his aunt, not his parents, not his coworkers, not his girlfriends, not his wife. so go ahead and wrap that up.

eddie bringing chris and pepa home wasn't love bombing. again, let's go through definitions - [l]ove bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. so just right off the bat, not the same. what eddie did was apologize to buck in the way he can hear it. we've been talking about love languages and, even though they come from a heteronormative and religious place, they're still helpful in this conversation here. eddie is always supporting buck with words and buck is always supporting eddie with actions. in this moment? eddie realizes that what buck's been struggling with is that lack of family (shown to the audience as the lack of family meals compared with pre-bobby's death). so to apologize and show his love, he brings family together to share a meal. just because it didn't sound like an apology to you doesn't mean it didn't sound like one to buck.

just because it isn't racist to you doesn't mean it doesn't come from racism. as we walk through white fragility 101 together, there is a difference between hey you're racist and hey that thing you said comes from a racist and problematic place can we break it down. holding a character of color (chimney and, in this case, eddie) to different standards than white characters (bobby and buck) is derived from racist ideology whether you intend for it to be or not. so take a step back and look at why you seem to be reacting in this specific way to this specific behavior by this specific character. i can't ask you to unravel every implicit bias you've ever been taught, but i can ask you to take a look at your actions if a bunch of people are pointing it out.

there is gaslighting happening here, but not how you think. the way some folks in this fandom have been posting and reacting to the buddie 8x17 kitchen scene have truly made me second guess everything i'd been seeing. the constant, vitriolic reaction to something i didn't find that upsetting made me go back and watch again and again. did i miss something, am i not able to see it, what's going on? and, here we go kids--what's happening here is gaslighting.

it is a covert type

of emotional abuse

where the bully or abuser misleads the target

creating a false narrative

making them question their judgments and reality.

finally, let's look at what you're specifically not saying. by saying that eddie is abusive, that it looked like he was going to come after buck with a knife, that buddies are sick for romanticizing the behavior (which i haven't seen but okay we'll go with it for now), you're implying that the people who support (or don't actively stand against) eddie's behavior in this episode are no better than abusers themselves. that's your underlying message. by spinning his non-abusive behavior as abuse, taking that narrative for truth, and putting everyone who doesn't agree with you on the opposite side of that argument, you're calling us abusers. and i, frankly, take issue with that.

i need you to understand the difference between uncomfortable and unsafe. i need you to understand that this was not inherently romantic, but emotionally vulnerable. and i need you to understand that clinging to your morally superior high horse will not save you in the real world.

if you want to come yell at me, by all means. anon is off, so you gotta do it with your whole chest. i'd much rather talk about it. i'm here to do white fragility 101 if you need it.

[c4tluver02]

after work date

wc: 1.6k

summary: You go into Family Video for a new movie but leave having plans with Steve. <3

warnings: none! sooo flufffyyyy

Walking into Family Video you are immediately greeted by Steve. He’s sporting his green vest and a big smile that shows every time you open the doors. You want to watch Top Gun, unable to see it when it was out in theaters and you were told that the movie just made it to stores. And thankfully you just started dating a boy who happens to give you free movies. Not that you were dating him for the free movies, but of course it didn't hurt. 

“Hey honey!” Steve says, walking around the counter. “Didn’t know you were stopping by.” 

You give him a hug and he presses a kiss to your temple. 

“I wanted to ask if I could borrow Top Gun?” You look really pretty right now and it’s all Steve could think about. 

“Uh- I don’t know if we have anymore, three people have already come in to get a copy.” You can tell by the way he says it he's cursing himself for not magically knowing you’d want to see it. 

“Oh, that's okay I guess I should have known people would want it.” You say, unable to help the pout that comes to your face. 

“I wish you’d told me earlier I would have totally hid a copy for you.” He says matching your frown. 

“I know I’m sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry about, let's look just to make sure. Robin put them away so I don't exactly know how many we got.” He grabs your hand so that you’re following him. He hopes they have another copy.

Standing on your tippy toes you try to look at the top shelf with Steve where the movie would seemingly be. But unfortunately you aren't that lucky. 

“‘M sorry baby.” He’s being all too serious about it, it’s just a movie and it will come back but the patients you had to wait for it are wearing thin. 

Just as he says it Robin steps out from the back and Steve decides to ask her. It’s his last idea to get you what you want, and isn't that boyfriend duty #1? 

“Rob, do you know if we have any more Top Gun?” He asks as you stand behind him looking at the movies, you'd at least like to leave with one movie. 

“Why? Did you already promise it to someone?” She says, rolling her eyes. Knowing him he probably did.  “I took a copy and i'm watching it tonight, whoever needs it will have to fight me tooth and nail!”  

Steve lets out a sigh and smiles. You won't have it tonight but at least you’ll have it tomorrow, he’ll take that as a win. But as you poke out behind him Robin lets out a gasp, she didn't see you and the last person who deserves her wrath is you. 

“It’s ok Robin I won't fight you tooth and nail.” You say with the prettiest smile. You aren’t as close with Steve's friends, only just started dating but Robin does like you. She thinks you're good for Steve

Robin lets out a laugh. “But like I said I’ll watch it tonight so if you wanna come back tomorrow it’ll be all yours. Promise.” 

“Okay, yeah I can come back. Thank you.” 

She nods at you and goes to the other side of the store with a cart full of movies. As she does this Steve grabs onto your wrist and pulls you into a corner, one that blocks Robin from seeing you two. 

“Sorry, it’s just that if Robin sees me not working she’ll throw a movie at me.” 

The laugh you let out makes Steve's heart ache. He is so glad you came in today. 

“So tomorrow I get off at 5 so I was thinking you could, maybe, come in around that time and then we could go get something to eat and then watch the movie together?” How he came up with this whole plan between the time Robin said to come back to now surprises you, but also makes your cheeks heat up. 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” You want to kiss him so bad but you’re at that awkward stage that you could count on one hand how many times you've kissed him and it builds pressure. 

“Okay I’m excited.” Steve says happily as he plays with the rings on your fingers. 

“What do you think we do for dinner?” You ask, trying to distract your brain from how close he is to you. His hands are so warm and he smells really good. 

“Oh, good question, maybe pizza?” He’s now looking at you to see how you respond. When your nose scrunches he’s got his answer before you even put it into words. 

“We just had that this weekend.” This weekend you and the kids had a small pool party at Steves and the big meal was pizza. 

“You’re right, I forgot about that. Okay what are you thinking? Did you want to go out?” His thumbs are so soft as they rub against your knuckles. 

“I don't care we could cook something? Maybe spaghetti, I feel like that can be good.” You and Steve haven't cooked anything together, there's so many firsts between you two it makes you giddy. 

“It does sound good, you're right.” That's the second time he's said it but you’re always right. “I am not gonna lie to you though I am not the greatest cook.” He winces a little, hoping it doesn't put a dam on your plans. 

“That’s okay, what can you cook?” 

“Hmm like five things but I make pretty stellar pancakes, at least that's what the kids said.” 

“Perfect, we can have breakfast for dinner then. Do I need to go to the store to get anything for it?” If you were both in the privacy of his home he would dig his face into your neck and let out a groan. How could you change what you wanted just for his sake and then offer to buy him groceries. Your kindness is something Steve wants to absorb. 

“We really don’t have to change it honey. Whatever you want we can make that.” He’ll get back to the groceries later because you buying anything is a whole conversation in itself. 

“It’s really ok Steve, pancakes sound good and if they are so famous I need to know what the hype is about.” You say as you push yourself off the wall you were leaning on to wrap your arms around his neck.  Automatically his hands land on your hips. 

“You’re too good for me.” He lets his hands drag away from your hips to settle in the back pockets of your pants. 

Your small grin turns into a big smile at the action, he’s never done that but you hope he never stops. All this touching he’s doing makes you officially break, leaning against him to press a kiss to his lips. Steve is quick to respond and pushes you further into him. 

When it feels like Steve is starting to fall backwards from your leaning you squeal, breaking the kiss. It must be loud enough for Robin to hear as she's quick to yell.

“Steve, if I go over there I better see your cart fully empty.” It’s quick and snippy, not giving him any room to fight back. 

Steve however, rolls his eyes used to her lectures. 

“I guess I should let you work huh?” 

“I think you should stay here all day with me.” He obviously is joking but man you wish you could. 

“Then nothing would get done.” 

“Then good thing there's two workers here.” It’s said with the same tone you just had. 

“You’ll live wont your Stevie? I'll see you tomorrow!” 

Steve was so busy looking at your kiss-bitten lips he almost missed the new nickname you just gave him. You saying Steve sounded like velvet coming from your lips but, Stevie. Now that was pure sugar, something so sweet he could get a rush from. 

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see if I make it tomorrow.” He’s expecting that same sweetness to travel over but all he gets is a small hit on the arm. 

“Ow!” It didn't hurt at all but he pouted like it did and if his comment didn't make you feel light headed you would think about how adorable he looks all grumpy. 

“Don’t say that! I will see you tomorrow at 5pm sharp.” You say factually, finally leaving this corner you both have been glued to. 

“Yes I will see you tomorrow honey.” He says as he follows your every step. You’re walking towards the door, trying to leave so he can do his job and not get fired. 

“Wait, one more kiss?” 

Smiling you quickly turns on your heels. Your hands cup his jaw and you start giving him a kiss on his nose, cheeks, and finally his lips. 

“Have a good rest of your shift.” It comes out quieter as your face is extremely close to him from the kisses. 

“Thank you honey.” He gives you a peck himself, unable to hold back. “I’ll call you later tonight, okay?” 

He gets off in 3 hours, you’re not sure what more will change from now till then that he’ll have to tell you about but nonetheless you're excited to hear from him. 

“Okay, I'll be waiting.” 

“Bye, see you tomorrow.” Robin says walking up to your two. Not that there was a deep moment going on but whatever moment you were having now over. 

“Bye Stevie, bye Robin!” You say giving them a small wave as you leave. 

Steve watches to make sure you get to your car safely, sighing with big heart eyes as he looks at Robin. 

“Stevie huh?” She jokes. 

Her mocking voice alone pushes him back to reality and he rolls his eyes going back to his cart. He is already thinking of what you’ll talk about on the phone later tonight.

[ghelullu]

Prague 2025 skeletour recap!!

Tl;dr I love ghost they're all amazing and I'm happy

Long version under the cut

Probably the tallest crowd I've seen at a recent ghost concert

The way the light shines through the tears in the black curtain during peacefield is amazing no matter how many times you see it and of course peacefield is amazing too 10/10

Already multiple skin flashes during peacefield, thank you for the Fanservice

Dew is very mobile now! And someone painted bones imitating his skeleton on his boot, very cute. He's already a sassy diva again

Papa looked very pleased with himself during spirit again

Was overall VERY very smiley today! Many smiles and grins. At one time he saw someone on dews side of the stage hold up some sign and cracked up (sadly I couldn't see the sign)

Rain keeps headbanging so hard that his head peace flaps around and gets stuck sometimes

Papa had a weird lock of hair sticking out at the back of his head

We got the meliora special(tm) again tonight with pinnacle and majesty (would've loved to hear faith again tbh)

Phantom has the zoomies, this guy has so much energy, it's incredible. Sometimes he's just sprinting all over the stage and the person operating his spotlight STRUGGLES.

He and dew are absolute chaos twins, bless them. They had tons of moments together. But also phantom and the ghoulettes!! During one song he was with them, after cirrus keytar solo they chased each other over the stage and during the slightly awkward break after majesty he was at cirrus Plattform and they chatted or something

Papa in the silk shirt kills me everytime, I'm too weak for this. This shirt was an evil choice.

He did the times are shitty talk but somehow some people seemed to not to thing that times are shitty lmao and he was like, very sassy, it's okay to think that the world isn't shit right now before leading into tfiafl

Made multiple unnecessarily horny noises (moan, ah's) in this song and others help

I love seeing the variations of papas crisis during the Latin bit(ft. Priestbias on the screen) and the guitar solo (cowering on the stairs dramatically) in satanized

At the end he lifted his arms and we saw the hair again, without the Berlin incident I wouldn't have looked closely enough but.... Hmhmmhmm yes.

Satanized is a total audience fave

I can't wait to see when he decides to add the wings for cirice because he keeps doing the vampire arms bit when coming on stage, but still no wings

Fingered the mic stand again, though. And dew.

When he ciriced the person he got so close to the mounted camera that we got like a SUPER closeup shot until the point where you basically only saw the white eye before the video crew cut away to another camera angle of it haha

Generally some really cool new camera angles for example from unterneath the drums when papa faces the drums and such!!! Really big props to the video screen crew they're doing an AMAZING job

Papa slapped, I think it was rain, butt when leaving the stage

Rain was super done with dew and turned his guitar off for their ritual bit while phantom was being phantom on the other side

Umbra had ALL the smoke cannon action, very cool with the purple light and all, and the song SLAPS so hard. I love how papa loses his brain function while coming up from below the stage with the cowbell raised above his head and just... Wakes up, staring at it confusedly before quickly dropping it into the new ghoulettes (who has the collective braincell in that moment) waiting hands

I need to say how great the ghoulettes are with their little wings, I love them. And I like how they have some more bits, moving in the stage etc

I love year zero so much!!!

Dew stood so close to one of the pyro thingies that I thought he'd headbang right into the flame at some point. little fire gremlin

Papa was kinda defeated in the year zero bit with the disobedient ghouls, didn't even fight their standoffish ways, just walked around rain and dew but the got extra diva with phantom. In general he's either just accepting them being uncooperative OR goes full sassy diva and there's nothing inbetween

Papas mic was very silent for a lot of the show but ON during he is (and then rather silent again???) also the jesus rocket at the end of he is always ends me

Was the church backdrop always broken on dews side? Like the bow of the first smaller window bit on that side is broken (interrupted at the top) and they also turned the screen off at that part to simulate a missing window. Very cool detail!

Taint tickling for mummy dust!!

Some very nice mummy thrusting thank you very much

Rolled a mummy dust bill up like a cigarette or joint and then slowly with A LOT OF tongue licked the whole thing and threw it (very badly, it barely reached barrier) into the crowd. I died a little bit. Slut.

His monstrance clock speech was super funny, first of all he was like "don't fucking whimper now" (can't remember the exact words, but whimpering was in there), then said something in Swedish (i didn't understand obviously but swedes kn twitter said it was: "i'm the one to be the one") "as they say in Swedish....... WHICH I DONT.", he said he was just told to say that 😂😂 (and asked if someone's from sweden here, some people at the front cheered) bless him. Then people screamed so long thst they couldn't start monstrance clock and he said we are wasting time now before shushing us

I love monstrance clock part 38844. Also at the end of it the person responsible for the video screen forgot to shut it off, so the porn font lyrics kept rolling and rolling despite the song having ended

His little encore speech about being predictable and all was very cute and fun again, he smiled a lot and spoke I a horrible English accent that they're having one last good song up their sleeve. Also called it his daddy's song

Something was different about the keyboard sound for moac I think? Doesn't matter, it was amazing as always

No wobble for Dance Macabre and also no confetti - not sure it the cannons malfunctioned or if it was intentional

This is the time I'm addressing the boner allegations, bc twitter keeps talking about how he's "constantly bricked up" and idk. I'm not a boner expert, but as someone who knows clothes from experience and drawing and also the fact that the ridiculous cardinal pants existed for 2 years without a single incident... My scientific guess is that due to the, already very tailored to the crotch, pants slipping down, esp at the front due to the heavy belt buckle, it creates a sort of pouch and the ghunk just collects in there, yk. During dance macabre he jumped up and down a few times and it sorted the whole situation, which wouldn't have happened with a ghoner. Not that it matters but twitter talks about it so much lol

Phantom got Ryan's attention who was standing underneath him and handed him a pick to deliver it to someone in the crowd which I thought was very cute of them

Papa told dew to "get his ass over here" for squammer and at the end didn't do the high note again but the "right here right.... Now we're done"

Ghoulettes made paper planes out of setlist again, we are so close to the return of origami ghoulettes of the prequelle era.

Dew has a cane for the bows!! Very distinguished fire gremlin!

Despite standing 8 rows from the barrier I had a very sweet moment with Papa thst will keep me alive for the rest of the year thanks

Dew yeeted picks at 984848kmh all the way over to the seats

Lots of kisses from papa for the crowd but also his ghouls

I love them all so much and I'm very sad that this was my last ritual for the year but I'm also super happy and grateful thst I could see them 4 times, I don't take this for granted at all.

Thank you for reading ❤️

My Other ritual recaps

[blueysdiary]

EVEN IF YOU DON'T SEE IT YET, IT'S STILL HAPPENING

LISTEN UP BADDIES 🗣️

Let's say this right now, just because you don't see movement in the moment, doesn't mean it didn't/isn't work. This is super duper common in people who are more new to manifesting which is always okay of course. But people be forgetting!

So, let's go through it from Blue's personal experiences.

SO basically I was manifesting an SP, and we talked from May-June. And I thought he basically was gonna move on and forget about me right? AHA baby I wish. During the time we were talking, I didn't think we were really going anywhere, but hindsight and our reconnection in August changed EVERYTHING I was seeing. Turns out, he was actually taking to his homeboys about me more than his own girlfriend and from the point from where we started talking to even present day, this man is down BAD. Completely outlandish right? Mind you, I didn't even think anything was really happening for super duper long. But it was. I just didn't see it. Even now, he still tries to be sneaking with glancing and too-long for comfort stares. Could totally get into it in another post, but this man is.. OBSESSED. Because, let me put it like this. The sky is normally blue right? And if someone comes to us and says it's normally green, you're going to think they're wrong right? Even if you're in-doors and can't see it at the moment, you know you're right. It's kinda like that.

That being said, just because you didn't get a text from your mom telling you she's getting you some food, doesn't mean she's not thinking of it right now. Just because your SP isn't crawling to your every step right now, doesn't mean they're not realizing how nervous they feel around you. It is happening, because you're persisting in the desire and not wavering. Sometimes it can be baby-steps, and that's okay!!

Please please, PLEASE don't let it discourage you. Use it as motivation to keep going, you got this! Just affirm and persist, I promise you're going to see everything come together and fall into place. Because, this your reality and you know what you're doing. Everything is working for you.

Okay that's all baddies. Just wanted to drop that lil reminder there, drink water, be well. Have a good rest of your day <3💞

–Blue

[zznblr]

exes and ohs 𐙚 c.yj

chapter eighteen: glad you’re here

written • 706 words

july 25th 2025, 7:58pm

yeonjun had gone a lot farther than you expected.

shortly after he left the hall, you followed him, but by the time you got out, he was nowhere to be seen. you scan the space and you see him, beyond the wide windows of the lobby, slumped near the edge of the pool deck.

he is sitting on a lounge chair, hunched in on himself. “hey,” you say, as you walk over to him. you stop beside him, just close enough to offer comfort but far enough to give him room to breathe. but he doesn’t look up when he feels you next to him.

“are you okay,” you ask, crouching a little to catch a glimpse of his face. he lifts his head slowly. his eyes are red and the skin around them is puffy and flushed. his lashes cling together in wet little clusters. “sorry,” you mutter, retracting a little. you shake your head. “that was a stupid question.”

yeonjun lets out a short, dry laugh. “i’m sorry for leaving you there.” he murmurs.

you sit down on the lounge chair opposite him. “do you want to talk about it?”

“i just had to get out of there.”

“is this because of…” you start, then falter.

he nods before you finish. his chest rises and falls. “it’s less about my dad,” he says. his eyes flicking away from yours. “and more about soobin.” he adds, “i know you think he’s nice and everything, but he is seriously an asshole.”

you nod. “we don’t have to go to the wedding.”

his mouth opens slightly, then closes. “i know,” he swallows. “i just keep thinking, ‘what would people say?’”

“who cares?”

he hesitates. “my parents.”

you frown. “who cares what your parents think?”

“i mean, i don’t but at the same time, i do?” he shakes his head. “i don’t know. i shouldn’t have come.” his voice cracks at the end and he looks away again.

you shoot up from your seat. “okay, up.” you direct him.

he blinks. “what?”

“get up.” you repeat. “we’re leaving.” you reach out your hand and he stares at it for a moment before placing his own in yours.

you pull him up gently to his feet. “where are we going?”

you start leading him off the pool deck. “well, you left before the entrees even came out, and i’m starving,” you say, glancing back at him with a teasing smile. “and we can’t go back in there, so let’s find something to eat.”

“where do you want to go?”

“i think that egg tart place is calling my name.” you grin, and he rolls his eyes.

july 25th 2025, 10:45pm

you walk back to the hotel, stomach full. yeonjun is by your side, his steps are slower and more relaxed now. his fingers are intertwined with yours as you walk to the elevator. inside, you both stand in comfortable silence.

the elevator stops with a gentle jolt and you both step out. when you get to the door of your room, yeonjun halts. he looks down at the keycard in his hand. for a moment, he doesn’t move. his thumb lightly brushes against the edge of the card.

he looks up at you and smiles. “thank you,” he says.

“for?”

“for tonight,” he answers. “for being here with me… for having my back this week.”

you smile. “of course,” you reply softly. you slightly sway in your step.

his eyes shift to your lips, and your breath catches instinctively. you match him as well, your eyes dropping to his teeth grazing over the plump skin of his lips. when your eyes meet again, the air around you seems to shift.

yeonjun angles his body slightly towards you, slowly closing the gap between your bodies. it seems like time is slowing down and you are desperately trying to think of something other than your heart rate rapidly increasing as he moves closer and closer to you.

you can feel the heat from his body, and the weight of his attention focused entirely on you. you open your mouth to say something, but yeonjun leans closer to you and the words catch in your throat.

previous masterlist next ʚ♡⃛ɞ his ex is getting married to his brother. he’s totally okay with it. he’s very happy for them. of course, he’s going to the wedding. and he definitely did not pay his next door neighbor five hundred dollars to be his plus one at their destination wedding.

taglist [closed]: @beomgyusluver @yeovnjin @mari-18s-world @usuallyunlikelyfox @jellyyjn @boba-beom @beaabz @yezznn @lovesickchoi @taysfairies @kagtobis @ohmahgods @bunniwords @tkooooop @20-cms

[veniik]

𐔌♫ྀི𓈒 ݁⋆ NAMGYU HEADCANONS ‎ . ݁₊ ♱

!disclaimer: this is solely my vision of this character, if you disagree with my opinion you can simply skip this post ‎♡ MENTION of substance abuse, smoking and gambling??

The author has never uploaded fanfics or headcanons before, so please, no pressure.

1. He’s a fan of experimental music and specific genres, particularly industrial metal and gothic rock, along with other metal sub-genres.

—> That’s why he tends to act like a music enthusiast who looks down on everyone else’s taste, trying to come off as a cool, indifferent snob. But in private, he goes through phases of listening to early 2000s pop, and when he’s working at the club, he doesn’t mind nodding along to the occasional cheesy DJ remixes (Ofc he does this only when no one’s paying attention to him or when he’s high)

2. I kind of disagree with the idea that he wouldn’t give a flying fuck about his appearance. Sure, he probably feels comfy in baggy pants and a zip-up hoodie, but let’s be honest—he’d easily spend at least 20 minutes picking out the right outfit for work or any event that matters.

—> He smells divine, like something woody and spicy, probably ‘Boccanera’ by Orto Parisi or ‘Jazz Club’ by Maison Margiela layered with the lingering scent of cigarette smoke, because he definitely smokes a lot.

3. He’s unapologetically rude, never stopping to think before spitting out some new bullshit comment about someone. His anger simmers just beneath the surface, so bottled up that when someone who actually benefits him pisses him off, all he can do is mutter something bitter under his breath while keeping up the fake friendliness. But sometimes the rage boils over, and he says things so cruel, so razor-sharp, they stay with you long after. The worst part? He’ll never apologize. Not out loud. But it eats him up inside, especially if you actually matter to him, which is a rare thing in itself.

4. Oh, he loves compliments so much, but of course he would never admit it or show any gratitude. You compliment his rings, and he’ll just nod with a smirk, saying it’s obvious—but afterward, he’ll keep wearing those rings constantly, feeling even more full of himself.

—> He’s tired of his long hair, but since most people told him it suits him a lot, he continues to put up with constantly pushing strands out of his eyes.

5. If he actually had a crush on someone, he’d drive them absolutely insane — teasing them, pushing their buttons just to see them react, like it’s his favorite game. He’d act like a menace, say something infuriating, then immediately apologize… only to do it again five minutes later with a grin.

—> Picture stepping out for a smoke with him behind the club, the cold air biting at your skin while he lazily exhales a cloud of grey smoke straight in your direction, smirking like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He’d ask the weirdest, most intrusive questions just to see you flustered, and when you finally snap and tell him to knock it off, he’d just chuckle, pat your head and say, “Aww, poor you. It’s okay if you can’t contain your emotions, hehe.”

And despite how maddening he is, your heart still stumbles every time he looks at you like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.

6. Even though he’s a professional when it comes to the nightclub scene (and all the other shadowy things he’s got his hands in), he absolutely hates the chaos of the main floor. The packed crowds, the heat, the sweaty, drunk bodies clawing for air under strobe lights and deafening bass — it’s not his scene. Never was.

If he needs to cut deals, settle scores, or talk business with anyone remotely important, you’ll never catch him doing it out there. He keeps to the VIP zones, tucked away behind smoked glass and velvet curtains, where the music is just a hum and the people are filtered. Controlled. Where he can lean back with a drink in hand, sharp eyes watching everything unfold from a distance, untouchable, unreadable.

That’s where he thrives — in the quiet tension of low-lit rooms and conversations laced with double meanings.

7. He’s an absolute gambler—and I’m not even talking about crypto. He lives for the atmosphere of a real casino. The kind of elite place you’d find in Monaco, where the rich sit at blackjack and poker tables, brows furrowed in silent tension, pushing obscene amounts of money into the game. The walls are painted in that slightly over-the-top rococo style, just enough to make you believe that aristocratic paradise isn’t quite dead yet.

When his business was thriving, he fed his ego there every weekend. Surrounded by fake friends and so-called business partners who’d sip absurdly expensive whiskey and throw sleazy glances at women hunting for their next rich ‘daddy.’ It was all shallow, glittering rot—and he loved every second of it.

But when things started falling apart, bad investments, crypto losses, gambling debts, he didn’t stop. He kept showing up, wearing the same mask of arrogance, pretending everything was fine. But underneath, he was unraveling. Drinking more. Getting high more often. Not to party—just to blur the edges of the growing emptiness inside him. The slow, sick feeling of losing control.

Eventually, he became that guy everyone politely ignored. No more invitations. No more glittering weekends. Just whispers behind his back and a door quietly closed. And that’s how he ended up in the Squid Games.

[bellysoupset]

Sorry to bombard your inbox with likes just now! I love your stories and haven't been on Tumblr for a few weeks, so I'm just now reading them all lol

Anyway, I have a story request too, though. I had actually requested it about a year ago, so if it seems familiar, that's why lol

I'd love to see a story in which either Leo or Jonah don't feel well, but still have to feed JD. The smell of the cat food sets off their stomach and pushes them over the edge to be sick. Of course, no worries if you don't like the prompt!

💕💕💕aye, never apologize for bombarding my activity page, I was watching the likes with such amusement! I do remember this request and I remember having loved it the first time around, but it got buried, so I'm so happy you sent it again! Her goes nothing, but warning that this is an "insert it wherever" fic, not in the current chronological order.

-----------

"I don't like this," Jonah's voice traveled through the phone and Leo rolled his eyes, staring at the view out of their balcony, "I'll swing by, bring you some broth, some electroly-"

"I'm not a baby, Jon," Leo snorted, "I'm not gonna die, I'm a little nauseous, but that's all."

"You stayed home from work, that isn't a little nauseous," Jonah scoffed and the blonde let out a sigh, rubbing his face and gulping down against the uncomfortable knot in his throat.

"I have 5 home office days to use every month, I didn't call off work," Leo corrected him, "Jonah, go have lunch, okay? And stop worrying, I promise I'm fine."

"Uhm," his boyfriend let out a frustrated huff, "okay... I love you."

"Love you too," Leo swiftly ended the call, maybe a little too quickly as he heard Jonah's voice get cut off, but whatever. He was queasy and cranky.

He had been harshly woken up by a upset stomach that sent him running to the bathroom, intestines cramping so much he got breathless. It was only when he was already late for work that he had come to the realization that 1. he couldn't possibly go to the office and 2. Jon was already gone.

It wasn't unusual for Jonah to be called an hour or two before his schedule, but that had hiked up Leo's annoyance nonetheless. He wanted to be a little fussed over, even one little hug would've been plenty.

The upset had only grown through the day. He was glad he was working from home, because not only he had to make another two mad dashes to the bathroom, but he had spent the second one heaving over the toilet instead of having the runs.

His belly was bloated, warm to the touch and gurgling non stop, squeezed by his loosest pair of sweatpants. He hadn't even tried rubbing it, because it was cramping and extremely tender. Nonetheless, he still had to do actual work in home office.

A sudden tug on his pants caused Leo to jerk and immediately wince as his tummy flipped. JD had planted her front paws on his thigh and was staring at him expectantly, meowing as he made eye contact.

"What is it, baby?" Leo sighed, picking her up and smoothing over her fur. The cat gave him a soft bite, patting his wrist and meowing even louder, a tone he knew well, "ah... You're hungry?"

Of course she was, he hadn't fed her until now. Poor baby, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I'm a bad cat dad," he admonished himself, kissing the top of her head, "I'll feed you now, I'll even do wet food, okay? Does that make it up for no breakfast?"

As if she understood him, JD rubbed the top of her head against his hand, ears brushing his fingers. Oh, his heart.

Very slowly, slightly bent at the waist, Leo made his way back inside. He had been sitting in the balcony, hoping the fresh air would help get rid of the nausea swirling in his belly, but it hadn't done much.

JD followed him to the kitchen, happily zigzagging between his legs and nearly causing him to trip, walking straight to the cabinet where her food was stored. And people had the nerve to say she didn't understand him, Leo snorted at the thought.

He grabbed a can of trout flavored wet food and then JD's bowl, near the doorway of the kitchen. It was Tiffany's Blue and sat on top of a little golden platform, of course, it had all been picked out by Jon.

JD clawed at his pants, meowing happily as he brought it all back to the counter, so he could pry the can open-

The fishy smell hit his nose and Leo immediately dropped the entire can inside the bowl, lurching to the sink. It was downright rotten and he immediately lost the battle he had been fighting all day with nausea, heaving loudly.

Spine curling as he retched once more, a wet burp dragging in its tail a thick wave of his liquified dinner, since he hadn't eaten since the night before. Leo coughed, eyes watering, knuckles turning white as the clutched the counter and heaved once more.

Suddenly the water was running, washing away the vomit and Leo leaned in, dizzy and still heaving, so he could swish some water and spit out the taste. The smell was still killing him, causing him to cough even louder, letting out a moan.

"Aw, Leo," Jonah sounded worried, but also confused, "try to breathe, you're choking..."

"Sm-EEerk-sssmell," he slurred, spitting the thick ropes of saliva and gagging once more. He needed to get out of the kitchen, there was no way he could get his stomach in check with that rancid smell tickling his nostrils, squeezing his stomach. With a shaky hand, Leo pointed in the general direction of JD's bowl, heaving once more.

The hand that had been on his back vanished, then a clean inox bowl appeared under his chin and Jonah looped an arm around his back, dragging him away.

"Come here," his boyfriend was firm, despite Leo not wanting to move away from the sink, as he was sure he was about to vomit once more. Slowly Jonah dragged him to their bedroom, then to the bathroom and Leo immediately let go of the bowl so he could lurch over to the toilet, stomach acid hitting the water and splashing on the seat.

"Fuuuh-" he whined, coughing and resting his forehead to the porcelain, trying to breathe the clean air. It took a second, but the nausea receded to doable levels, leaving him panting for air.

"Jon?"

No answer. Leo grabbed a wad of toilet paper, cleaning the seat and flushing, forcing himself to stand up so he could brush his teeth.

Footsteps, the bedroom door closing, then Jonah's face appeared on the bathroom's doorway, worried reflection in the mirror, "you good?"

"Yeah," Leo spat the toothpaste, washing his mouth, "fucking stinky food- Why are you here?"

"I was already on my way when I called you," Jonah blushed slightly, opening a sheepish smile, "wanna sit in the bedroom balcony? I opened the windows in the living room, I'll go get rid of the bowl as soon as she finishes eating..."

"Yeah, bedroom's balcony is good-" Leo turned around, then collapsed against Jonah, hugging him tightly, "thank you for not listening to me..."

Jonah chuckled, hugging him back, "I'll want that in writing, Leo."

[hearts-hunger]

okay, mixed feelings on this episode

pros:

FUCK YEAH TOMMY MENTION??? i genuinely had written off seatle tommy so i screamed when jesse said they came together. there's a lot of things that will have to happen to make tommy's seattle arc hit like it does in the game (tbh i don't trust them not to fuck it up) but for now i'm just glad he's gonna be there!!!

jesse coming in to save the girls was like...... swoon. and it's not even a game thing so that proves i can like changes from the game. take that, all of you who think i'm a mega hater.

the stalkers were scary as fuck!!!! very good use of them!!!! the scars are pretty cool and scary too!!!

i'm not mad at the way they condensed this episode, to a certain extent. i know you have to do that for tv, and it's not bad.

JOEL :(

cons:

ellie's incurably stupid, apparently. dina is 100% leading and orchestrating and planning this whole mission, and the writers insist on having another character call ellie stupid or having her call herself stupid at every turn. i'm not sure what the payoff of that is.

along with getting all of ellie's competence and skill, dina is also getting all of ellie's emotional development. like, her speech about why she's here getting revenge - why didn't ellie say that? why isn't ellie as angry as dina, as driven to get revenge? dina's getting all of ellie's most important character traits, and by comparison, ellie comes across as the dimwitted sidekick who doesn't really care if they're here or not.

in the same vein, i know they had to get us to the hospital to kill nora this episode timeline-wise, but they haven't given us ANY emotional buildup to this moment. ellie beating nora to death comes out of the clear blue sky. they keep hammering in this "ellie is happy about the baby and protective of dina" thing (which, as i've said, is not my favorite change to the story, but i digress) - but all of a sudden, knowing dina is wounded and she and jesse are being hunted down, ellie decides to take a quick detour to torture nora. what??? in the game, this moment is inevitable - ellie is spiraling, consumed by revenge, not caring about anything other than killing abby's crew. of course she abandons her friends to kill nora. in the show, though, she's gone from dad of the year to unfeeling torture machine in 0.001 seconds. i'm curious to know how show-only people are taking this, because it's giving me whiplash. the emotional pacing in this season is really weird.

bella ramsey isn't really intimidating imo. and i didn't love the change from the game where we just see ellie's face when she's torturing nora. it just didn't hit as hard. but that's also a product of no emotional buildup in this entire season and dumbed-down ellie. it's hard to buy ellie as a raging revenge-driven killer in this episode when she........ hasn't been. at all.

come talk to me about it on my sideblog @ellies-miller!!

[pascalispunkczechia]

Rules I Break For Him 5

When we get to the base, it's already loud as hell. People talking, shit clattering, the usual morning chaos.

I head straight to my office - meeting starts in 10 am, so coffee's gonna have to wait till after. Javier, meanwhile, makes his way to his desk.

I catch a glimpse of him picking up the phone. His face shifts. He looks... pissed. He ends the call and stands up so fast it's like his chair didn't even exist. He storms info my office. "Boss, we've got a situation," he blurts out.

Oh. So, I'm boss now. Not baby. Guess those roles are location-dependent. I make a mental note and bite back a smirk.

"We got a tip on a driver tied to one of our narco. Looks like he's heading to meet one of their guys. We need to check it out."

"How reliable is your source, agent Peña?" I ask, with just the right amount of edge - dragging out the last two words on purpose. Yeah! We're doing this game now. Apparently the whole 'let's drop the formalities' moment dind't happen. And honestly? I'm kinda living for it. Even if this is absolutely not the time for it.

"I trust him," he says simply.

"Good. You'll have to make do with three cars full of men."

"Fine. I'm taking Carillo," he says, already turning to leave.

All business. All discipline. Meanwhile, me? Still thinking about how he railed me into next week last night.

Get it together!, I tell myself. Maybe I should start taking notes from him. Because the last two days? Not exactly my most mature, professional self. I sigh and head off to the meeting.

And there we fucking go. We pull up the house. The place where one of Cali's top cartel fucker is supposedly about to pay a visit to one of his guys. Tip came from someone I know.

Vanessa.

Last time I saw her was maybe six months ago, right before they shipped my ass back to Texas. Needed to blow off steam. So I fucked her like... well, technically speaking, fucking is her job.

Haven't been with anyone else since. Vanessa tried, of course. Once I got back, she was calling the office five times a day, minimum. Didn't have the time. Or the fucking energy. Can't really blame her, though. Sure, she fucks for money and sees other guys, but I was tje only one she saw regularly for the last year. Maybe that's why she latched on.

But I was still pissed about missing the takedown Escobar. Didn't have room in my head for her. Didn't even have room for sex.

And then... she happened. And fuck if I know what the hell this is. She pulls me in like a goddamn magnet.

Look, I've always liked women. Liked fucking. No surprise there. But she's different. There's something in her that maes it impossible to just sleep with her and move the fuck on. I want to know her! Not just inside her, but deep under her skin. I want to crawl into whatever part of her she keeps locked up and stay there.

I want... fuck! I want something I haven't had in a long time. Someone to come home to. Someone to fall into at the end of the day... with the good, the bad, the ugly. Someone whose body isn't just a distraction, but a place to rest.

Okay, back to the Earth. Vanessa's tip came through a payphone. First time she's been actually useful in a long time - and no, she wasn't trying to get laid. Apparently, she's been seeing our narco's driver. So yeah, she knew exactly where the fucker would be today.

Now we're here. Waiting. Carillo's watching the street from the car like a hawk. But nothing's happening.

Maybe the tip was bullshit after all. Maybe I fucked up by trusting it. Or maybe I'm just so desperate to take a bite out of the Cali cartel, I'll chase anything that moves. Because I didn't get Escobar. And that shit still burns.

Then... Kid shows up. Thirteen, maybe. Gun in his hand. Fires one shot. Misses, of course. Little fucker can't aim. Takes of running.

Me and Carillo jump out. Leave the car right where it is. Tell the others to stay put, stay sharp, stay on comms.

We go after the kid. Suddenly shots ring out from the rooftops. We dive for cover under awnings, doorways - anything solid.

Jesus Christ! They're kids. Fucking kids.

We split up and try to get to the roofs, fast. Manage to grab two of them. One's maybe seventeen. The other, fifteen.

"You DEA fucks think you're smart, huh?" one of them spits. "You don't win in this neighborhood. Nobody does."

Carillo snaps. Screams at them to get on their knees, hands behind their heads. "What the fuck is this supposed to be?!" he yells.

"We got paid to keep watch. To report anything weird. So if you're waiting for someone, you're wasting your fucking time," they mutter - not as cocky now, but still full of attitude.

I don't wanna keep them. They're just kids. They don't see it like we do. Sad truth is, we can't stop this. They're from a poor neighborhood - someone waves money, and they'll do whatever it takes.

But stil.. Vanessa's tip was right. We just got here too early. These little fuckers already called it in - three matching DEA and police vehicles parked on the block? Yeah, nobody from Cali ain't showing today. Fuck!

"We let them go. Fuck it," I shout over to Carillo.

"Nope," he replies. "We need to send a message."

What the fuck? What does that mean?

Before I can even blink, Carillo pulls his gun and shoots the older kid straight through the head.

Holy shit...!

The body drops. Just like that. I can't move. Can't think. Just frozen.

He picks up the bullet casing, walks over to the younder one - the kid's crying now, shaking like hell. Carillo presses the bullet into his hand. "Give this to your boss," he says. "Tell him Carillo sends his regards. You don't fuck with us. Not for much longer."

And the kid? He runs. Doesn't look back. My ears are ringing. I don't get it. I don't fucking get how Carillo just shot a kid.

Fuck. We're all on edge, we're all strung the fuck out, but... this?! No. Fuck no.

I don't say a word the whole way back to the base. And Carillo doesn't try to talke either. Good.

It's dark out by the time we pull in. I walk inside, drop into my chair like my spine's not even holding me up anymore. Place is dead. Her office is dark too.

I should go home. But not home. Fuck that. The bar. That damn car's still parked out front anyway... whatever. Don't give a shit.

I walk. Smoke half a pack on the way. My hands are shaking. My stomach's sick. By the time I actually get to the bar, the last thing I want is a drink.

I need her.

I get in the car and drive straight to her place.

I'm standing at her door. Knocking... or trying to. My hands are fucking useless right now.

The lights are on. She's awake. She opens the door and the second I see her face, I know I came to the right place.

She looks at me, reads me instantly. "Javier... what happened?" she asks, voice soft, pulling me inside. "I didn't hear anything from Carillo but your face... something went wrong. What was it?"

We sit on the couch. I tell her, fast and flat. No details. No emotions.

She stares at me. Horified. And then she pulls me into her arms. I breathe her in. Coconut. She smells so fucking clean. Too clean for the filht I drag around with me.

I hold on to her. It helps. But noe enough. I pull back.

She looks me straight in the eyes. And then she pulls her shirt over her head. Nothing underneath. Her nipples are already hard.

Fuck.

She knows. She just fucking knows. And it makes something inside me break all over again.

My cock starts to throb immediately. I push her back gently, shrug off my tac vest and shirt, and watch her eyes track every inch of my body.

She reaches out, touches my stomach - slow, careful. I move my hands to her jeans, undo the button, pull them down, one leg at a time.

She stands. Wearing nothing but her panties. Takes my hand, leads me to the bed. Pushes me to sit. And I let her. Tonight, I can't think. I don't want to think.

She straddles me, starts kissing me, soft and slow. Her skin feels like fucking heaven. Soft, warm, real.

Her fingers slide into my hair and I lose it. I pick her up roughly and throw her down ono the bed. Her eyes go wide. Yeah. I know that look. I know this girl.

I grab her by the hips, drag her to the edge of the bed, and rip her lace panties down her legs. Black. Of course. Sexy as hell.

She props herself up on her elbows and watches me. She knows what's coming.

"I want you on your knees, baby," I growl. "I'm taking your from behind."

She does what I say. Back arched. Ass up. And jesus... that view.

I slide one finger inside her. She's soaked. Perfect. All for me. I add a second finger, move them in circles, twisting deep. She whines under me. Moaning. Squirming. I speed up. Lean down. Bite her ass - just hard enough.

She screams. Her pussy tightens around my fingers like a fucking vice.

"Who'd you come for, baby?"

"For you. For what you went through today."

And that's it. That's the fucking trigger.

I undo my pants, just enough to free my cock - and I slam into her in one sharp thrust.

Hard. Fast. No hesitation. Just raw need.

One hand in her hair. The other gripping her ass as I pound into her like my sanity depends on it. And maybe it does.

She's whining, all breathy and desperate, and fuck, even I can't keep from moaning. She's so fucking tight. I can feel every inch of her wrapped around me. Perfect.

I grind my hips slowly, bury myself all the way in, then freeze.

Need to slow the fuck down… I’m not ready to come yet. I need to stay inside her longer.

“Javi,” she begs, her voice wrecked. “Please.”

“What do you want, baby?” I mutter, low.

“Fuck me. Don’t stop.”

And just like that, I’m moving again. No holding back. Can’t. It’s so fucking good I could scream.

Every thrust pulls something out of me… the rage, the guilt, the sick churn in my gut from earlier.

I’ve got control again. And I’m not letting go.

I speed up, fucking her hard.

She’s crying out, loud and raw.

I grab her, pull her upper body back against my chest, keep her there. My lips find her neck, biting, kissing.

Her head drops to my shoulder, and she whimpers into my skin, nails digging into my hands as her whole body tightens around me.

She’s coming again. Two orgasms in ten fucking minutes. She’s a goddamn goddess.

That thought alone pushes me over the edge. I come hard. Burying everything into her - frustration, grief, need, fucking everything.

I stay deep until the last drop’s gone.

Then I pull out and smack her ass, just light enough to make her smile.

She collapses onto her back, breathing hard, cheeks flushed, eyes shining like I’ve never seen before.

I lie down next to her. Pull her into me, curl her up against my chest.

And just like that, I’m out cold.

🎀 F!READER PART 🎀

I open my eyes, and the first thing I see is the digital clock on the nightstand. 4:30 a.m.

Yesterday starts coming back in pieces. Morning meeting. Finally got handed the keys to my service car. Quick lunch at a shitty little bistro down the street.

Then the wait... waiting to hear how Peña and Carillo’s operation went down.

Carillo showed up around six. No success. Didn’t know where Peña was. All he said was, “We sent a message to Cali.”

That was it. No details, no follow-up.

Didn’t sit right with me. None of it did.

And when Javier still hadn’t come back two hours later, I gave up and went home.

Maybe he’s already there, I thought. Maybe I’m just overthinking.

But he wasn’t. And the pit in my stomach only got worse. Where the fuck was he?

I forced myself into the shower, hoping the water would help. It didn’t.

Got dressed again. Jeans. T-shirt. Didn’t even bother with pajamas.

If I didn’t hear anything within the hour, I was ready to go looking for him.

And then I heard it. Knocking on my door.

I bolted. Fuck. Javier.

The second I saw his face, I knew something was wrong. Really fucking wrong. He still had his tac vest on. The same one he wore on the operation.

You know the rest…

I passed out in his arms. Total blackout.

Between the panic, the waiting, and the fact that he basically fucked the breath out of my lungs - yeah, no mystery there.

I could tell he needed it. That was his therapy. And hey, I’m not exactly turning down sex-as-coping-mechanism if it feels that good.

Thinking about the way he wrecked me last night makes my stomach clench again. Yeah. That’s the kind of problem I can live with.

I glance to the side... the bed’s empty.

He’s at the window. Shirtless. Smoking.

Of course. Jesus, Javi, don’t spiral. Not now.

I sit up, spine against the headboard, and the mattress creaks loud enough to get his attention.

He turns.

I scan his face, trying to figure out what version of him I’m getting this morning. “How long’ve you been up?” I ask, keeping my voice low.

“An hour, maybe,” he mutters. Flicks the cigarette out the window like it insulted him personally, then walks over and sits on the edge of the bed.

His hand finds my hip, casual, but heavy. His gun and badge are still on the nightstand. I grab the badge, mostly to avoid looking at him.

“Why aren’t you asleep, baby?” he asks.

“Probably the usual city bullshit outside,” I say, still avoiding eye contact like a fucking coward.

Look. We’re excellent at sex. Like disturbingly good. But when it comes to anything involving actual talking? Yeah, we suck at that.

“I think we should… talk more,” I mutter, then immediately regret how I said it. “Like, yeah, the sex is mind-blowing, five stars, would recommend... but maybe you should actually, I don’t know… say some of the shit you’re carrying around instead of stuffing it under the mattress and hoping I don’t notice?”

I finally look at him. Straight in the eyes. “I just think… maybe we should try to get to know each other. Beyond the whole ‘you’re hot and angry and broken and I wanna ride you into next week’ part.”

It comes out sharp. Honest. And yeah, I can’t believe I actually said it either.

He just looks at me for a second. Takes the badge from my hand and sets it back down on the nightstand. “I do want to talk,” he says. “You’re probably the only person in this fucked-up city I’d even want to talk to. I just… don’t know what else to say about what happened yesterday. This case is getting under my skin more than Escobar ever did. Maybe because I still haven’t gotten over the fact that they pulled me back to the States and I never got to finish that shit. And every fuck-up since then? Just adds more fuel to the fire.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I say softly, looking him straight in the eyes. “I really am. I wish I could help…”

And yeah. Maybe it’s selfish, but I hate how much it hurts me to see him like this.

“No. You can’t. I mean… you are helping me. Just by being there last night. That was my way of coping. You’re the only thing right now that actually helps,” he says, his hand moving slowly over my stomach. “And I wanna know you, baby. Fuck, I wanna know every inch of you, inside and out. But right now? Everything’s just fucked. So I fall back on the one thing I’ve always been good at: the physical part. Fucking. That’s the one thing I know I can do right. The one thing I’m sure I won’t fuck up.”

His hand slides up, palm over my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. “If this is how I get to keep you in my life... if this is how I make sure you don’t just disappear on me... then this is what I do.”

My brain’s short-circuiting. Was that a fucking… confession?

Did this gorgeous, emotionally wrecked man (with everything going to hell around him) just say he needs me? My chest tightens.

I grab his hand, the one resting along my side, and squeeze it. “I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him.

He gives me a sad little smile, kisses me, and lies down next to me.

We end up curled around each other, tangled up like fucking silverware.

He buries his face in my hair and starts breathing deep and slow.

I don’t want this moment to end. Eventually his breathing evens out. He’s asleep. Arms still wrapped around me.

And me? I feel safe. God, I feel so fucking safe with him.

Which is insane, right? We’ve known each other maybe three days! I’m technically his boss. I’m supposed to be drowning in case files, not in his arms.

What the hell are we even doing? Maybe we’ve both lost our minds.

Maybe I don’t care. Because right now, this... this is exactly where I want to be.

Call it whatever the fuck you want. But the fact that we both ended up back in Cali at the same time? That’s not just coincidence. My logical brain left the chat.

After Diego, my ex, I promised no man would ever take me down like that again. I was supposed to work my ass off, come home dead-tired and emotionally numb, and be fine with that.

But now? Now I feel good in a way that scares the shit out of me. I don’t wanna get burned again.

Diego was nothing like Javier. Not really.

And if I’m honest? Whatever I had with Diego wasn’t even close to this.

He cheated. The second a trashy street whore smiled at him. Made me feel like nothing. Like I was disposable. I’m never letting anyone do that to me again.

I burrow deeper into Javi’s body. Half-asleep, he brushes a fingertip over my belly. Soft. Gentle.

Do I trust him? I’m trying. No. I do. I trust him.

And that is what scares me.

Because what if this connection isn’t strong enough to survive the shitstorm that is our reality?

A tear slips down my cheek. I squeeze my eyes shut and press myself tighter into his warmth... so close I can feel the soft brush of hair between his thighs.

I try to fall back asleep.

Okay, I know - you’re probably thinking: “What the hell was Carillo doing there? Isn’t he already dead, killed by Escobar?”

Of course he can’t be in Cali. But listen, we’re in a completely different dimension here, alright? I needed Carillo for a plot twist. A twist that just popped into my head, and trust me, it’s a big one.

So yes, I need Carillo. I also need the prostitute Vanessa, which is why she’s mentioned. Everything that just happened is actually really important for what’s coming.

And trust me, what’s coming won’t be just about sex but it’s gonna keep you hooked. Or at least I hope it will.

So, next chapter coming soon! FOR MORE FICS -> MASTERLIST

[electricea]

"That, right...? I guess they must not mind the whole 'eating snails' part. I'm sure fresh probably tastes better than canned but still...!" He was hardly a food snob and would just as happily eat food out of a can or a box. "Man, just all that...?" He tilts his head to the side at each ingredient listed off - it didn't sound like a lot, really - and you could even potentially prepare them with or without the shells...? "D'you put the shells into a baking pan to like soften 'em or something so they'd be easier to eat...?" Otherwise, he imagined eating snail shells might give off a sort of crunchy texture, like biting into a rock maybe.

"I've never had an oyster - that's not weird, right...?" He shakes his head, hoping he didn't come off as too simple or childlike in comparison. "I mean...I like fish so I don't see why I wouldn't like oysters too - it sounds like, just like with fish - it's all about preparing 'em and making 'em nice and tasty yeah, so if they're cooked with care, there should be nothing worry about, yeah...?"

"Y-Yeah, I hope you don't mind if I ask you to make me this again, sometime...! I-I mean, I'd be happy to help pay for ingredients and cook the food, 'course...!" While he was incredibly pleased with the food and already eager for more, he wasn't a freeloader either who would coast off of the generosity and hard work of others...! "I-I'll definitely try my best to keep everything in mind...!" He nods his head eagerly, already trying to make a note to remember this and yet knowing, if he doesn't do something, it will slip away from him and he will forget. "H-Hey, would it be okay if I ever texted you? Y'know, in case I ever forget something or need some advice...?" At this, his demeanor is almost shy and childlike as his food is briefly all but forgotten.

"F-Foodie festival...?" He blinks, now genuinely curiously - it sounded pretty self explanatory, like a festival where people prepared food and Jaron...wanted him to tag along...? "You'd really want me to be there helping you out...?" He was genuinely touched, one finger shyly gesturing at himself as he nods, slowly at first but then eagerly, vigorously. "Y-Yeah, I'd like that...! I'll be the best soo-chef ever for you, Jaron...!"

“I mean, at least you have memories and recipes to remember ‘em by, yeah…?” He knew it wasn’t quite the same as having them still here with them but at least Jaron did have something to remember them by and in a way, through these memories, through photographs and recipes - they stayed with him.

“Ah, I see…” Clearly, as Jaron said - there was a bigger and much more complicated story here - but Ryuji wasn’t one to push and if Jaron was willing to leave it at that, then it would only be right to respect his wishes and likewise let the matter be. “S-Snail…?” His eyes widen, inwardly grateful that he wasn’t clutching any dishes in his hands - as he would have surely flung them all over them the place by now in his surprise. Admittedly…snail wasn’t exactly something he’d ever considered eating and from what he’d seen of snails, they were…pretty unusual and slimy looking little buggers. Plus, how did people eat around the shell…? Did people even eat the shell…? Blinking dumbly several times, he managed the only thing he could think of. “I-It’s good…? H-Huh…”

“R-Really…? I never would’ve guessed it would taste like fish - but it tasted like a good sort of fish, right…?”

Eating the gumbo, he couldn’t help but feel reminded in a sense - not in terms of taste or anything shallow, but rather - much like how he considered ramen to be a symphony of ingredients - noodles, protein, broth and vegetables which made for many different flavors and textures coming together and working in conjunction with each other to make something tasty and delicious - and true enough, gumbo was a combination of several different ingredients (some of which he had contributed to preparing, himself) which came together to form a unique mix of flavors and tastes and textures - resulting in a delicious meal!

He wasn’t even halfway through his bowl and he was already thinking of having seconds…!

“This is just amazing…! I really can’t thank you enough for this!” Really, he couldn’t stop himself from devouring more and more. “W-Will you share the recipe with me…?”

[symbologic]

Will Zoro leave Luffy after they achieve their dreams? Not likely

Saying Zoro's gonna voluntarily leave Luffy at the end of OP so he can "live his own life" (i.e. get married, open a dojo, hang out in bars) is so wild to me. That's like saying Luffy's gonna give up adventuring so he can sit around and gorge himself on meat

First of all, it ignores that Zoro genuinely enjoys traveling with Luffy. Luffy (who's always getting into trouble) gives Zoro the chance to be his best self. And Zoro (who very much wants to be his best self) will always seize that chance with both hands

Second, both characters are like...the poster children of wanting to have their cake and eat it too. If you're Luffy or Zoro, you rarely need to make either/or choices. That's what makes them unique. It's why they've both got conqueror's haki! Basically: If Zoro wants to drink until he blacks out? If he wants to nap all day? Hell, if he wants to get lost in a paper bag?? He is like a big cat. He will do what he wants, wherever he is. He doesn't need to leave Luffy to get those things LOL

Third, Luffy's made it clear the Pirate King needs no less than the Greatest Swordsman by his side. Why would that suddenly stop once they've both achieved their dreams? Is Luffy going to quit being Pirate King? Why would he? Luffy wants to be the most free in the world, so he can live the life he wants...with the people he wants to live it with

In other words, Luffy isn't letting Zoro go without a fight — not unless Luffy genuinely feels he's no longer the type of man Zoro would want to travel with. And wouldn't that be the worst ending for both of them?

[rottycc]

OOOK here are my headcanons. Some purely self-indulgent oocness too. ( just an fyi, they’re kinda everywhere cuz i never got to talk about them properly!!)

I like to say that they’re touchy… those two. I like to envision that Sephiroth and Cloud like skin-to-skin contact because they have been deprived of human contact for soooo long, especially Sephiroth. Although when I say skin-to-skin contact, it is just holding hands, learning how to cuddle better, getting used to just casual touches. But sometimes, Sephiroth’s possessive emotions consume him heavily, as he can get emotional, and sometimes he hugs Cloud tightly because he just knows that holding Cloud will make him feel better. It a bad coping mechanisms because it hurts Cloud physically. As a result, Cloud learns from these experiences that he needs to learn how to talk and comfort Sephiroth, even though he grew up as a loner. But with him being young and hopeful, it works out somehow.

Of course, Cloud has his bad days. He’s young after all, and he his mood can get bad with Sephiroth when he expects his boyfriend to do this and that but the man doesn’t. From training and being busy all the time, Cloud can get emotional as well, and thats something Sephiroth was never allowed to expressed growing up. So they have a lot of talks… and a bunch of moments where Cloud cries in Sephiroth’s arm because emotions are just too much.

I think they would take things slow since they would need to comprehend what they got into. (Relationships are not EASY):

For Cloud, he realizes Sephiroth is not really a “hero” but a broken man, but despite that, Cloud still wants him (whether it comes his inner childhood still wanting acknowledgment/validation or because he truly came to love Sephiroth for who he is; it’s a mix of both) and thus, Cloud would need to work with the conditioning Sephiroth’s endured growing up. He can’t be naive anymore or immature if he wants to be with Sephiroth… is what he thinks. (Sephiroth loves that side of him though. His pure hopeful side.)

For Sephiroth, there would be a lot of negative and overthinking thoughts in his head. 50/50, it’s dark thoughts in his head, such as Cloud leaving him and being afraid of him. Anyway, with a boyfriend, Sephiroth’s life would just be different as he is challenged every day. Now he needs to display his love, say things he used to never say, be careful with his strength, etc, to make things work. It’s so much for Sephiroth to understand that Cloud notices and tells him that it’s okay that they don’t know what to do right now. he tells him that he loves Sephiroth’s inexperience and hopes that the man can love cloud’s inexperience as well.

(also they can get too busy with work that they don’t see each other for a long time…until Cloud gets mad at Sephiroth to “fix” their schedule so they can have more alone time more often. Sephiroth does it, of course, because Zack lectures him about relationships as he’s a “professional at this”, and cause he doesn’t want to make Cloud unhappy.

Intimacy-wise… they do a lot of body exploration after sexual intercourse. Since Cloud easily gets horny and becomes impatient with foreplay, the blond is basically a pillow princess. Sephiroth listens to every order he wants, of course, if he consents to it, which he does. (SEPHIROTH IS THE KING OF SERVICE TOP). They have a HUGE size difference, and there’s a lot of body worship and praises from both sides lol. Cloud loves to be praised. Sephiroth loves to be praised. I see them as virgins mainly because Cloud’s habit of struggling with talking and opening up to people, and Sephiroth’s history with the LabsTM and broken bonds.

(Although, the first time they have sexual intercourse… well… that’s for another post.)

I still can’t really come up with a reason they would meet except either a, Zack; b, mission; c, shoujo anime plot, except Sephiroth briefly acknowledges Cloud before forgetting he exists. Either way, I suppose that just depends on the scenario I'm thinking about.

Oh yeah, they can’t talk at all. Like they can, but it’s Cloud that grounds the conversation and keeps it human. Sephiroth’s way of keeping the conversation alive would be robotic, and Cloud…he would start to laugh because of how robotic the conversation gets. It’s adorable, and Sephiroth would be so confused and slightly embarrassed because Cloud is laughing at him. But then, Cloud reassures him that he likes the Sephiroth robotics talks and thus that would initiate a “how to tease your partner” type of conversation.

Ok, I'm running out of juice to keep going on about how I like to create scenarios for my CC SC, but in short, I just want them to make them feel safe with AGZ in the bg as the best bros ever. Although I do like some dub con CC SC with some dark Sephiroth, but I guess I haven’t done enough brain stimulation activities to formulate some toxic cc sc hc.

(I have a cc sc drabble fics on my ao3 if anyone was interested in reading, but I don’t think I did justice to portray my whole love for it since it’s just p*rn😭😭)

EDIT:

Also speaking of intimacy wise, even though AG would invite Sephiroth to “try” out with sex, he would reject their offer due to body dysmorphia and lab trauma. (I LOVE INEXPERIENCED SEFIKURA)

But anyways, he knows that being around the duo is nice, however, there’s a sense of something that makes Sephiroth feel alienated from them. intimacy is non existential to him except when Hojo does stuff to him which causes Sephiroth to resort to using his hands and thoughts. In my cc sc hc, Sephiroth wants his own personal friend, but there would be too much weight in every action he takes. He doesn’t want to intrude with Angeal or Genesis because he’s content with what he has (but he also fears). Also, he’s too well-known and monitored. (Sephiroth does try anyway, and he finds someone he doesn’t need to share aka Cloud. # self-indulgent # obviously biased)

For Cloud… (virgin!) I think he would have desires for Zack but they’re just desires. The man is dating Aerith and Cloud forces himself to stop thinking about Zack-stuff because Zack is his only friend at Shinra. Cloud is young. He doesn’t like being lonely, plus being away from home makes him desperate for attention. Since joining Shinra, he’s had a hard time making friends and often finds bullies in his space. In short, Cloud is so lonely that he latches onto Zack until he finally meets his hero and things happen… and he dates sephy

Who wanna hear my cc sefikura rants!

[cerbreus]

meeting w the transfer admin went well!

[raisinushigher]

stupid garbage brainstorming for possibilities w gandhi + abe in future seasons . normally id type the words out onto the drawing afterwards but this is just so cringe and self indulgent thst it doesn’t matter enough to do that

[yujisdreamgirl]

as the speakers blasted bass boosted music, you sit on the couch with a red cup in your hand, rationing the drink in it because you’re too afraid to go up to the bar alone.

it’s a bit crowded, your friends on the dance floor while you just watch other people rubbing up against each other. not an ideal way to spend your weekend when you have exams coming up but oh well, yolo.

you’re not much of a party person, well- you’ve tried to become one but it just didn’t work. not when it felt awkward to dance and everyone ignored you in conversations. you’ve never felt so unseen.

that was, until…

you felt the couch sink on your right side. you turn your head to see the one and only—“Most Popular” Playboy—Satoru Gojo.

you panic internally, why is he here?!

“hey,” you nod back in response to his greeting, visibly confused on why he’s talking to you—the girl he’s been basically in all of the same classes with since high school but has never uttered a word to?

“you here alone?” you hum in disagreement. he looks out to the crowd of dancers then back at you. “where are your friends?”

okay, now you’re really confused. why is he asking you all of these questions? is this a prank? “oh, uhm.. they’re on the dance floor.” he nods, then eyes your figure up and down.

“i like your ring, it’s from ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ right?” your eyes light up, you definitely did not expect that. you stutter a bit before letting out a quiet mhm. he asked you to repeat it, and you just nodded. he smiles at you and suddenly you understand why every girl falls for— no, no. no you don’t. you’re not falling for this propaganda!!

“what other animes do you like?”

—

you step into the room upstairs, entering what looked and felt like being at an anime shop. blue walls, posters everywhere, displays of action figures in glass boxes… who knew this popular frat guy would be such a geek??

you spot various pieces of fiction, such as digimon, ghibli movies, 2000s romcoms, resident evil, and so much more!!!

“didn’t take you for a romcom guy.” he chuckles, sitting at the edge of his bed. “yeah, i don’t think anyone does.”

you hum then gasp at his displayed pokémon cards. “is that the pikachu illustrator?! how the hell did you acquire such a rare card??” he chuckles and explains how he got it, he’s rich obviously!

—

the night was long. the speakers still blare from downstairs, but you and gojo talked about the same interests for hours. this definitely wasn’t on your bucket list, ‘befriending’ the most popular guy in school history who also happens to be super similar to you??

in gojo’s eyes, he’s never met a girl like you. call him teruhashi from saiki k because everyone is all over him. he’s never even had a relationship or involved himself in hookups despite being known as a ‘playboy.’ but tonight.. tonight seemed genuine—like you’re not just another person who’s trying to get in his pants.

it can be tiring. despite there being people who would kill to be him, all he wants is someone he can settle down with for life. someone who’s not there for the money or the popularity, but for him. and that’s exactly how he feels about you. 4 hour conversations about films and niche interests? yes please.

his fantasy was cut off by the sound of a ringing phone—of course it was your friends. why did you have to leave the party just because they want to?

“i have to go, it was great talking to you though!” he grips the sheets as you smile, god you were adorable. he waves goodbye, sinking into the sheets as you closed the door behind you.

he’s definitely gonna search for you on campus tomorrow.

͙͘͡★ divider by @cafekitsune 🍡

[net-game-sekai]

dare i say it. i went to the first 2024 miku expo show and i did not care about the LED screen.