#like my belting voice isn't even that great but like that's also just WAY too loud

[daisyvisions]

I Wanna Be Your Dog - (k.yh)

➺ Pairing: Rockstar!Younghoon x Assistant!Reader

➺ Summary: Your job as an assistant to the band is simple: handle their schedule, and do what they ask you to do. But how far are you willing to help one member out with a certain ask if it means keeping your job?

➺ Word Count: 3.8k

➺ Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI), fem!reader, unprotected sex, creampies, edging, male masturbation, guided masturbation, handjobs, slight fingering, riding, lots of making out, groping, sexual fantasies, mutual pining (?), younghoon is down bad for reader (sub!younghoon if you squint), marking, mentions of hookups, pet name used (baby)

➺ A/N: Finally, my birthday fic for Younghoon is up! I had planned to write for rockstar younghoon ever since this tiktok edit came out last year. This was not the original story I had in mind but I hated how the outline was going and decided to save it for another member and use this plot instead. Title is inspired from the song of the same name by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts because the lyrics fit so well with one particular scene of the fic (iykyk). Proofread once, enjoy 😉

➺ Network & Tag: @deoboyznet @snowflakewhispers @winterchimez @aimeecarreros (thank you for introducing me to the song 😈)

For as long as you could remember, you've always wanted to work in the music industry. There was something about that chaotic world that you thought was magical. You were so determined to become a part of that universe you didn't care where you would end up.

And that is how you became the assistant to one of the hottest acts to ever grace the stage.

At first, you were way too excited to be involved in the day-to-day of the band's schedule; you didn't even care if you had to run many blocks just to get the specific brand of coffee they wanted.

But soon enough, the rose-colored lenses you had on would crack. Not only did you have to take care of the band's schedule and be at their beck and call, but you were also in charge of cleaning up their mess.

Which is the reason you ended up sitting through a one-hour phone call with the band's manager as he practically yaps your ear off about the band's lead guitarist.

"Do you know how many NDAs I had to sign just so these groupies would keep their mouths shut about Younghoon?" Jacob exclaims.

"I know, I'm the one who prints and mails those documents for you." You sigh heavily.

"The board is getting pissed off. It's getting too much! He has a sex addiction at this point!"

"Well, it's not like we can make him wear a chastity belt or a purity ring to stop him! You know how he gets." You reply, trying to hold in your frustration from how long this call has been going.

"They are in the process of promoting their next album and going on tour. If Younghoon keeps this up and the press finally catches on, it will not be a good look for us all." Jacob takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment.

"I need you to keep him in line," Jacob says to you with a stern voice.

"What?! How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know, you're the assistant. It's your job to take care of those guys. Do something about it or you can say goodbye to your job."

Jacob puts the phone down immediately without even waiting for your reply. You throw your phone to the side, your heart racing as you feel the frustration consuming you, and it's not even eight in the morning.

You can't afford to lose your job. Not after you've worked so hard to get where you are already. And you will definitely not lose your job just because Younghoon can't keep it in his goddamn pants.

No, you're going to do something about this no matter what it takes.

As you insert the spare key in the lock of Younghoon's apartment, you're instantly startled as a figure appears before you. Her disheveled appearance already tells you who or rather, why she's in his apartment. Great, another day of running into a groupie.

"Oh, Lin, isn't it?" You try to give her a smile. You introduce yourself as the band's assistant.

"Oh—hi," she responds, but her eyes were looking elsewhere. "Excuse me, I gotta go, late for… an appointment," she mumbles.

"Of course, it was nice meeting you!" You put on that people-pleasing voice. Lin nods in return before stumbling out the door. You make a mental note to track her address and send her an NDA later in the day.

You walk further into Younghoon's apartment, already listing out in your head the mess you have to clean up later as you quickly scan different areas of the living room. You find him still dead asleep in his bed, probably unaware that his latest conquest has left the building as you walk closer to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Younghoon? You awake?" You gently shake his shoulder. As you continue to wake him up, you're caught by surprise as he grabs your arm and pulls you into his embrace.

"Hey baby, up so early?" His deep morning voice rings in your ear as his face buries into your neck.

You try to keep yourself composed as you wriggle yourself free, but your eyes widen at the sudden realization that doing so was a mistake as you feel something hard digging between your ass.

"Younghoon, I—"

"So eager for round two, huh? Don't worry, baby, I'll let you take the lead this time." He kisses a sensitive spot between your neck and shoulder as his hands start drifting near your hips. Before anything escalates, you pull his hands away and reach behind to flick him in the forehead.

"Younghoon, it's me!" You shout, sitting upright once more and shaking off that fluttering feeling growing inside your stomach.

"Ow. What the— oh. Oh hey!" He smiles at you. "Where's—"

"Already left. Witnessed her walk of shame just as I was going in," you smirk. "I brought you breakfast; better see you outside in ten minutes, alright?" You slap his shoulder to wake him up.

"Alright, alright, I'll get up," he groans as he turns to his side.

"Aw, all this for me? You shouldn't have." Younghoon slings his arm over your shoulder as he watches you set all the food on the counter.

"Just sit down and eat. We need to talk about something." You shrug his arm off.

"To talk… What did I do this time?" He sarcastically replies as he sits across from you.

"It's not what you did this time; it's what you keep on doing, Younghoon." You grab his plate and fill it up with the food on the table.

"Look, Jacob called me this morning, and he's not happy with your—" You pause, trying to come up with a proper way to address the problem.

"With my… what?" Younghoon takes a big bite from his plate, his eyes trained on yours as he waits for you to finish.

"Your sex addiction." You decide to get straight to the point. "You fuck nearly every girl that bats her pretty eyelashes at you or even gives you a decent amount of attention."

"Hey, I can't help myself, you know? This is the rockstar's life, after all." He shrugs as he takes a sip from his glass.

"Yeah, well, if you don't get that controlled and continue thinking with your dick, it's not gonna look good for the press," you reply.

"Since when have we cared about what the press thought?" Younghoon asks with slight irritation in his voice.

"Please, Younghoon, I need you to keep it together just until promotions and the tour are over. My job is on the line here." Your voice starts quivering. Younghoon sees your eyebrows scrunching and the tiny tear forming at the corner of your eye.

Oh, how he wishes he could kiss those worries away right now and keep you close to him. Seeing you like this whenever you're frustrated or upset makes his heart ache with a feeling he can't explain. It's probably because he has a soft spot for you, ever since you started working for them. And if he's the reason that you end up losing your job, he doesn't know how he'll be able to sleep at night.

"Please?" Your tiny voice calls him back to reality as your soft hands hold one of his. And how could he ever say no to you?

"Alright," Younghoon sighs out. "I'll do it. But it's not gonna look pretty." You chuckle at his response.

"I promise you can go back to doing whatever after the promotions. Deal?" You gently squeeze his hand for reassurance. Younghoon places his other hand on top of yours and squeezes in return.

"You got it, boss."

Much to your surprise, Younghoon does a fairly good job at keeping his word. At first, it was a bit difficult, but he somehow managed to pull through.

He couldn't forget that one time he was almost about to fuck the girl lying on his bed until he suddenly remembered your face and how upset you would've been if you found out what he was doing. He couldn't bear the thought of disappointing you, so he just came up with a lousy excuse for the groupie to leave and fisted himself later in the night until he was satisfied enough.

And since then, that's what he had been doing to get by. He was either fucking his hand or fleshlight while imagining all the different one-night stands he had in the past. But as the days went by, it was getting harder for him to reach that sweet release. Not even watching porn would get him off the way it did before.

He needed to touch and be touched, a pair of lips kissing him everywhere, and moans of pleasure ringing in his ear… he couldn't wait till the tour was over until he could finally ravish someone and forget their name the next day. Sounds like a shitty way to live but hey, this is the kind of life he chose for himself.

Just two more months, Younghoon, what's the worst that can happen?

Sweat starts to form on Younghoon's forehead as he vigorously pumps his throbbing length. He had been trying to get off for a while now, but it seems nothing has been working. This was the worst case of blue balls he has ever had, and if he doesn't cum any second now, he might go insane.

Younghoon starts to dig deep into his memories of past hookups to see if there was one moment he can use to get himself off. There was one memory that seemed to pop into his mind, but not any of the hookups he had remembered. No, it was a memory of you. The day you came into the apartment to talk to him about his problem.

He recalls the smell of your perfume when he buried his face into your neck, the way your ass rubbed against his morning wood accidentally, and how soft your hands were when you held his hand during breakfast.

His cock throbbed in his hand remembering those small moments, playing an imaginary scenario in his mind wherein you didn't stop his hands from traveling to your hips. How he would've pressed himself into you further and continued kissing your neck. How his hands would’ve groped your breasts tenderly as he whispered filth into your ear and you would’ve moan his name in response.

"So pretty…" he murmurs to himself as he bucks his hips up, thinking how beautiful and kind you've always been to him even if he tends to be an asshole at times.

He moans at the thought of how soft your lips would feel against his own, remembering the time you drunkenly kissed him on the cheek during that one after-party a few days ago. He had to quickly turn away from you to hide his cheeks turning pink.

God, he knows his abstinence from sex has gotten so bad to the point that even the smallest gestures from you are enough to send the blood in his veins right down to his cock. He's never been this hard in his life, and he can't tell anymore if it's because he's blue-balled or because he's thinking about you.

Either way, Younghoon was all up in his head that he didn't even hear his front door being unlocked as you let yourself in.

Your visit to Younghoon's tonight was unplanned. He had forgotten his lucky leather jacket in the studio a week ago, and you took it upon yourself to get it dry-cleaned for him.

As soon as you got the call from the dry cleaners, you thought it would be nice to drop by his place and surprise him with his newly cleaned jacket and bring his favorite food for a late night snack. After all, you wanted to show him how grateful you were for keeping his word.

"Younghoon?" You call out his name. You knew he was home after spotting his keys and wallet on the console table. You try to call his name again but still no response. He must be asleep. I should go check on him, you think to yourself.

Younghoon? He hears your sweet voice ringing in his ear. God, he must be down so bad if he can start hearing you call out his name, as if you're right close by. He can already feel himself closer to the edge as he hears his name once again, pumping himself to the point of no return until his door suddenly swings open.

"Younghoon, I— Oh my god!"

"Shit!"

You both catch each other by surprise.

You tried to look elsewhere, but the image of Younghoon jerking himself off is now burned into your memory, and you don't know what to do. Younghoon, on the other hand, whimpers from the loss of his orgasm.

Had you been delayed by a second or two, he would've released his load onto his stomach, relieving himself of stress. But now, he's on the verge of crying as he feels himself getting incredibly pent up.

"I'm so sorry, I'll just go—" You turn around quickly.

"No, wait!" Younghoon's voice stops you from closing the door. You couldn't help but turn around and face him once more. He looked like he was in pain, his eyes becoming watery as he deeply breathes in and out.

"Help me…" He cries out to you.

"W-what?" Your eyes widen. He can't be serious, right?

"Please! I can't— been trying. I can't do it." A tear falls down his pale cheek.

"Please, it hurts so bad…" He whimpers once again.

"Younghoon, I can't—"

"Please! Just this once. We'll never speak of it again—" He pleads like his life depends on it. And with the way he's looking at you like you're the only one that can help him get out of this sticky situation, how could you say no to him?

"A-alright." Your feet move towards him even before you replied, your body already deciding for you on what you need to do next.

You sit beside him, placing your hand on his thigh as you glance over his hand gripping his cock. You feel your core pulsate at his pink tip peeking out from his fist. But you try your best to completely ignore whatever intrusive thought you have and place your hand on top of his, gently holding it as you look into his eyes.

"Just this once, okay?" You hover above his cock enough for your spit to fall onto the tip and move his hand slowly up and down as you guide him through his orgasm.

This wouldn't be the first time you've seen his cock. The first two times were by pure accident and from afar too. But nothing could've prepared you from seeing his member up close.

The way the veins are protruding from how rock hard he is at the moment, wondering what it must feel like to fill you up to the hilt. You try to think of anything deemed unsexy as you stare at his manhood, but that ends up failing as you start to feel your underwear slowly getting wet by the second.

While you're too caught up in your own thoughts, Younghoon couldn't help but stare at the way you looked at his cock, all slack-jawed and dreamy-eyed. It was like you wanted to do more than guide him, like you were ready to devour him any moment from now. As if a dark cloud of lust is slowly taking over you right before his very own eyes. And that was turning him on a lot.

He subconsciously reaches out for you with his free hand, his fingers holding onto the back of your neck as he pulls you in for a kiss. Your lips are even sweeter than he had imagined, making his heart beat so fast from how soft they feel on his own. Younghoon knows this moment won't last forever, so he decides to just enjoy it while it lasts.

You instantly moan from the feeling of his lips on yours, holding his wrist as you lean forward to press yourself against him. You pull his hand away from his cock and replace it with yours instead, the softness of your palm wrapped around his length making him hiss in pleasure. You start to grip him harder, controlling the pace of your hand jerking him off.

Younghoon groans into your mouth as he slips his tongue inside. His hands grabbing onto your hips before pulling you closer to him to straddle his lap. You continue to jerk him off as his hands start caressing the sides of your body.

"Please…" he whines into your mouth.

"Tell me what you need, Younghoon—" You kiss his cheek before moving down to his neck.

"Wanna touch you— fuck— Can I touch you? Please let me touch you." His eyebrows knit in pleasure as your lips suck a particularly sensitive part of his throat.

Too busy with lightly sucking on his skin, you grab one of his hands and guide him to the front button of your pants, signaling him to remove the article of clothing from you for better access. He wastes no time helping you out of your jeans and having you back on his lap.

His fingers slowly sliding beneath your underwear, groaning at the sensation of how wet your folds are. He's honestly amazed at how you're able to get this wet without being touched; it motivates him to slide his fingers between before finally circling around your sensitive bud.

You let out a soft whine as you feel your knees turn into jelly. All you could think about right now is to sink yourself down onto his member and ride him into the sunset. Somehow it was like he could read your mind as you feel his hand pull your underwear to the side and the other pull you by the hip to align your entrance right above his tip.

"This okay?" You look down at him.

"Y-yeah, more than okay." He stutters.

"C'mere." You lean down to kiss him, slowly letting yourself sink down to the base of his cock.

Both of you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding until you finally sat on his lap. The feeling of Younghoon being fully sheathed inside you already has you seeing stars, and you haven't even moved yet. He swallows your moans as he starts bucking his hips up, holding you in a tight embrace as he fucks himself into your tight hole.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He mumbles as he pulls his lips away from yours to get a good look at your face.

The way he looked at you as if you had a halo around you was making the butterflies in your stomach flutter like crazy. You knew the effect he had on you, especially when he would randomly flirt with you. But for some reason, the effect of his words felt different.

It was like he was confessing something he had locked up inside of him for a long time, making you blush like an idiot. Your eyebrows knit in pleasure as his thrusts start to become faster. Your walls are gripping him like a vice; he knows he's bound to reach his peak anytime soon.

"Let go for me, Younghoon, you can do it." You whisper in his ear.

As soon as you say these words, a sudden burst of warmth blooms inside you. His hips relax onto the mattress as he comes down from his high, but his hands guide your hips up and down his cock, helping you reach your own release.

He must've been so pent up, you think to yourself as you feel him still incredibly hard inside you. The tip of his manhood nudges that sweet spot deep inside you so good you feel yourself nearly falling over the edge.

"K-keep going, baby—" He breathes out. "Use me."

You take control of your own movement and bounce on him like there's no tomorrow. Your fingernails raking the sensitive skin on his chest as you chase your own high. Younghoon can feel himself reaching his own high too the more you keep this pace up.

Everything about this moment was making him absolutely dizzy. Your walls practically choke holding his dick, his first load already dripping out of you and coating his balls, and the way the squelching sounds echo in the room as you use him for your own pleasure?

He will never look at you the same way ever again. You've officially ruined him for anyone else after this.

"Younghoon, I'm gonna—"

"C'mon baby, cum on me. Fuck— make me yours." He mumbles as he feels close to the edge with you.

After a few more bounces, the rope inside you finally snaps, making you cum so hard you feel like you're going to faint. Younghoon's second release follows right after yours, but this time his load is more than the first. You both know for sure that as soon as he pulls out, a waterfall of your mixed juices is bound to rush out of your hole. So you just decide to keep him close longer as you both try to catch your breath.

You lay your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his breathing pattern slowly regulating as he rubs his hand up and down your back. You both bask in the silence a little longer, secretly savoring the moment before you have to part ways.

"Younghoon?" You lift your head to look up at him. He hums in response.

"If— if ever you need help with this at a different time…" You pause for a moment. "I'd be happy to volunteer." You feel your cheeks burn up at the thought of doing this with Younghoon again.

"Yeah? You wanna help me out?" His eyes widen, his heart beating faster again knowing this wouldn't be the last intimate moment with you.

"Yeah, just as long as you sign an NDA about it." You jokingly reply. He chuckles and kisses your forehead.

"Well, get ready to print a lot of those—" He grabs your ass and gives it a good slap, making you yelp in surprise.

"—because you have a lot of catching up to do."

[crowdedimagines]

Roadkill - Aaron Hotchner Imagine

Based around the season 4 episode 23 titled Roadkill! I am going through a rewatch right now and just watched this one!! Also I am trying to stick to the storyline of the episode, but obviously things will be a little different in how they play out 🤩 3.6K

"How do you feel about Oregon?" JJ asks immediately after I pick up on the third ring.

"I have a feeling I would like Oregon a lot more when it isn't 3:00a.m." I tease, sitting up in bed, already knowing whatever she's calling for is going to be bad enough to to call us in this early.

"Can you be in to the office to brief in an hour? Wheels are up around 4:30."

"I'll be there!"

We both get off the phone so we can pack our go bags and get the day started, although earlier for both of us then intended. I manage to take a fast shower by the time I get out my phone is ringing again, this time it's unit leader Aaron Hotchner.

"I assume you've been informed that we have a case and we're meeting shortly." Hotch has his stern, yet tired voice on.

"Yep, showered squeaky clean. I just need some coffee and I will be on my way!" I smile, wringing out the moisture that's still in my hair and put the phone on speaker to set it down on the bathroom counter.

"I actually just made too much, I'm on my way in now. I could bring you coffee." He offers.

I pause in my actions, surprised by the offer. Although I would've been a lot more shocked a couple weeks ago. When I started with the team Hotch was going through a divorce, but in recent weeks there's been a shift in our dynamic and I'm not sure I'm dreaming it up. It all started a couple weeks back when I dropped off some baked goods after a rare long weekend away from work for him and Jack since it was his weekend to have him. They invited me to stay and I spent the rest of the afternoon with the boys. By the end of the night I was calling him by his first name instead of 'Hotch' which was a new development. Ever since it's been small gestures and looks that tell me something is different.

I've been a part of the BAU for a couple years, growing in confidence and skill the more cases I get under my belt. I spent four years in the military as a designated marksman before continuing my training with the FBI, which lead me to the Counterterrorism Division, and then to the BAU.

"That sounds great actually." I grin. Bringing me coffee to work is another new thing. Aaron has been chattier, smiling more, but coffee is a new ball park.

"Alright, I will be in around twenty. Drive safe."

I mutter back a "you too" before we both hang up. As I make my way into the office I'm the first to reach the bullpen, I came a little early once I knew Aaron was going to be in. A traveling mug is sitting on my desk and I take a long sip. It's still hot, and it's exactly how I always make it. It's also the traveling mug he almost always can be seen with. I set my bag down by my desk before climbing up the stairs to Aaron's office.

"Good morning." I knock lightly on his open door, "Thank you for this. It's perfect."

He looks up from the folder in front of him and the frown leaves his face.

"I'm glad."

I take a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk. It'll be fifteen minutes before the rest of the team joins us. Hotch begins to fill me in on some of the details without going too much into it. We still have to brief as a team.

"I don't think I've ever heard of a vehicle being used as the weapon." I surmise.

"It's highly rare. I've never seen a case likely this first hand." Aaron admits and we discuss a few more aspects of the case.

Eventually the rest of the team trickles in and after some light conversation I go back to my desk. Garcia comes in stomping directly to my desk.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Kevin is looking into a working a secret job and I wont even know where he'll be!" She gushes.

"Slow down, he what?" I spin around in my chair. Garcia fills me in on the details of the job and exactly what he had said to her. The worry on her face is permanent.

"Don't worry yet. He hasn't gotten the job, and if he's offered, you don't even know if he'll take it! Lets just wait to worry once we have something to worry about."

Penelope nods agreeing with my words before moving onto Morgan's desk to do the same and I smile and shake my head. JJ pulls us all into the conference room.

"An unsub that kills with his car." Emily states, "I haven't seen that before."

"Neither have the police in Bend, Oregon." JJ replies, displaying pictures on the screen in front of us.

"Two victims in the last twelve days." Hotch adds, "First was hit on a morning jog and the second was a woman stranded after her car broke down."

"Both female victims, but completely different age groups." I speak up, "The first victim was 23 and the second was 43."

"Maybe they aren't connected." Morgan thinks out loud.

JJ pulls up more pictures and explains that both victims were backed over after they were hit. No chance of accident and the same tread marks at both scenes.

"With where these wounds are, the worst of the blow is high on the bodies." I comment looking through the file, "It has to be a truck or SUV to match these wound patterns."

"See if Garcia can follow that. Try tracking makes and models." Aaron directs.

"There should be significant front end damage to the vehicle." Spencer chimes in.

"Unless our unsub is smart enough and skilled enough to cover his tracks." I begin, "Somehow I don't think it'll be as easy as finding a damaged truck."

It's a five hour flight from DC all the way to Bend but thankfully it gives us all the opportunity to rest up again. By the time we land we can go straight to the police station.

"I think it's safe to say our unsub is male." I read over the case file, thinking out loud with Aaron. This is something new too, we often brainstorm together and work well to get the other thinking outside the box.

"I agree." Hotch nods, "Given what we know about aggressive driving and road rage."

"And the fact that men have an unnatural bond with their cars." Emily laughs. JJ chimes in to agree, which turns into Morgan disagreeing before Rossi is also adding to it.

"I think he has to be overcompensating. Why else have a need for a truck that big." I guess.

"Possibly." Spencer comments, "If the unsub is physically defective the car not only gives the power and control he otherwise lacks, but it also serves as a shield."

"A way for him to avoid physical contact?" Hotch asks.

"He wants power and control of his victims." Prentiss shutters, "Female victims. It almost reads like an assault profile."

"I wanna know why he isn't getting personal with it then. If this is how he assaults women, what if there's something that prevents him from going a more traditional route. It's possible he's disabled." I suggest.

Hotch tells Garcia to look into it to see if anything recent could be a trigger and to look at the people surrounding the victims. Morgan and Rossi head to the highway to get a feel for it and see what they can get from it from the second victim's scene. Hotch and I head to where the jogger was hit.

"Not a lot of people jog here. It's a physically demanding hike." The sheriff informs gesturing to the trail.

"Well, she was a triathlete." I remind.

"The assailant drove behind her and ran her down right here." The sheriff walks us in to where the red stained gravel remains.

"She was jogging alone? Any woman would know if a car was following her up the trail. Her intuition would've been driving her crazy. She would get off the trail or call for help."

"What if he was already here waiting." Hotch agrees, taking in the scene, "What if she was the reason he was here and it wasn't random. He was waiting for her specifically."

"That would mean we underestimated him. It wasn't a random attack, it was planned and vindictive.

The team meets back at the station to go over what we've discovered. The second victim's husband comes in and recalls seeing a large black truck parked by their house giving us something. This confirms that he's targeting and stalking specific individuals.

"Ready be done for the night?" Aaron asks, he peeks his head into the conference room that only I occupy at this point. The rest of the team has already gone to the hotel to call it a night, but Aaron was still talking with the husband and I was just pouring over people in the area that raised some of Garcia's flags based on what we know so far.

"I suppose." I close the file I had been reading and rub at my eyes.

"It'll still be there tomorrow." He reminds.

"I know, the sooner the better though." That's something I don't need to remind him on. We both know it all too well. With an unsub this aggressive we know he isn't stopping anytime soon.

The drive to the hotel is short and comfortably quiet. Neither Aaron or myself have the energy to discuss anything as we're going on a fifteen hour day.

"Goodnight, Y/n." Aaron carried my bag in from the car to the foot of my bed in my room, even with multiple reassurances that I could carry it just fine. I give him a soft knowing smile before he leaves for his own room.

The next morning it's discovered that the unsub sabotaged the second victims car in order to strand them. He's very focused and well planned.

"We need to figure out why he's picking these women." Hotch states, "What makes them a target and links them together."

"Road rage, maybe they cut him off at some point?" I question, "Also how does he have the time to stalking these women to know their routines, sabotage a car, park and wait."

"Roughly eight percent of the United States is unemployed." Reid rattles off.

"Including someone who could be disabled and lives off of a pension." I remind from my earlier guess."

"Have Garcia look into it." Hotch states before walking away and I smile.

"Pretty girl is on top of it this case." Morgan teases with a smirk.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I roll my eyes.

"Maybe it's something to do with her getting the case early and going over it with Hotch before our team briefing." Reid says with his nose already in a new file. I can feel my face turn a shade of red.

"Pretty girl is getting extra credit!" Prentiss joins in happy to tease, even adopting Morgan's typical nickname for me and Penelope.

"I don't know what you guys are talking about. I simply got in early and we were both at the office." I take a sip of my coffee, looking for any distraction, reaching out to grab a file for myself to ready through. I'm really glad that I didn't bring Hotch's travel mug in from the hotel, I still have it and I almost used it today. That definitely wouldn't go unnoticed with the people surrounding me.

Thankfully the team lets us move on and were able to brainstorm some more. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for JJ to interrupt to tell us there's been a third victim.

"Impact nearly cut him in two." The sheriff explains.

"Male victim?" I question as we arrive on the scene. The unsub hit him in a parking garage, pinning him between the truck and elevator doors. "He's getting more aggressive."

Cigarettes butts are discovered where the truck was parked in waiting. All of them stripped of the filter showing signs that he's military.

"Guys I think I know what ties the victims together." Reid interrupts, "All of the victims drove two door red coupes."

Garcia was able to look into car accidents that left someone injured enough to the point that he can't kill traditionally. He holds the person responsible for his accident for killing his loved one and his own disability. There's nearly twenty five people to still filter out off of the specifications we gave her.

"Wait you guys I think I found it." I sit up from the most recent file that had red flags, "Ian and Sheila Coakley crashed while driving home from Napa Valley on route 7 around midnight. It appeared their car was run off the road. His wife died at the scene."

"And Ian?" Rossi asks.

"He survived although he suffered a spinal cord injury."

Morgan and Prentiss go to his doctor to verify some information while we try to track down Ian. His house foreclosed after the accident.

"Track the parts for his specific truck. He's been doing his own repairs so they have to be sent somewhere." Rossi suggests to Garcia.

"Rossi gets a gold star!" Garcia sings, "He's having the parts drop shipped, I'm sending you guys the address."

"Hey, what do I get for knowing he would be disabled?" I jest, I called that from the plane.

"Nothing but my love, sugar." Garcia says before hanging up.

"I don't have a gold star, but well done Y/Ln." Aaron nods.

Arriving at the home Ian had been renting we find it empty but lots of surveillance photos of the victims and one other person who hasn't been harmed.

"Send this to Garcia now, we need to know who this is." Rossi hands me the picture. I send it to her and she's able to run his plate from the image.

It doesn't take her long to find him and contact his home, where she finds out that he's out biking with a group doing a thirty mile loop.

"Y/n, you're with me. We'll take the north side, Morgan and Rossi you start south and we'll meet in the middle." I quickly get in the passenger side of the SUV and Aaron takes off.

The biking club that target is in covers a lot of milage as Aaron speeds through the dirt road trying so hard to meet the group before the unsub does. Eventually we're closing in, but unfortunately the black truck is ahead of us and gaining on the bikers faster than we're gaining on him.

"Hold on." Aaron takes a risk by cutting Ian off before he can clip the mass of bicyclists. He does this by driving the front left corner of our car into the back right of his truck.

The airbags go off and were spun around from the impact.

"Y/n." Aaron calls. He says it a second time with more panic when I don't answer.

"I'm okay." I groan. The unsub is attempting to back his truck out of the ditch we're both stuck in to finish his mission. He took a much less impactful hit from our collision. I unclip my seatbelt and swing open my door, shattered glass falling from my lap as I stand up.

"Y/n, wait." Aaron instructs, he pulls hard on his seatbelt. It seems like he's stuck from the accident, but the worry on his face is only for me. I give him a look to say I've got this, while he continues to pull at his jammed seatbelt.

"Ian Coakley." I call out, and the man looks over to me briefly. It registers on his face that I am holding my gun and it's aimed for him, he has tears in his eyes.

"This is for Sheila." he floors it heading straight for the group that's waiting after witnessing the accident.

I plant my feet and aim for the back window of the truck, hoping to hit Ian's shoulder. Enough to stop him in his tracks before can harm anyone else without killing him. I've done enough killing myself over the years, and even with all he's done he's a man suffering with the grief of accidentally killing his wife.

The bullet leaves my gun with a loud crack, shattering the back window of the truck. He swerves but not enough to take him off the road. I let out a breath and fire again, this time sending a bullet into the back of his chair and sending his car off the road again to be stopped by a tree. I let out a huff of exhaustion from the impact leaning against the SUV.

Morgan and Rossi pull up and stop to get out and help Aaron and I after seeing our totaled SUV.

"Go" I wave them to keep driving to the unsub to see if he's ok and they do. Aaron manages to get out of the car finally, I hear Morgan call out to radio in an ambulance.

"He's still alive." Rossi shouts to us referring to Ian, they have him laying down now while applying pressure to his wound. The top of his shoulder which shouldn't be fatal, I sigh in relief.

"Are you okay?" Aaron asks finally rounding the back of the car to join me where I stand, he steadies himself. I nod, finally putting my gun away, feeling how stiff my body is.

Aaron fully ignores my nod, taking my head in his hands and pulling my eyelid open to check for signs of a brain bleed. He wipes at my forehead, pulling back his hand with blood on it. Maybe we were hit harder than I thought. Damn airbags.

"I think you have a concussion-" He states, "and you might need stitches."

The worry on his face is deep. I can feel the guilt radiating off of him, he was the one driving. He's the one that chose to hit the unsub's truck.

"I'm okay!" I reassure him, placing my hands on top of his that still rest on my head. This is crossing a new line. He's never touched my face, and I've never touched his hands like this.

"I shouldn't have done that. It was reckless."

"I'm glad you did." I disagree, "If we had waited any longer he would've been able to get his last victim. There's an entire biking club alive right now because of you."

This reminder seems to help slightly, he looks over my shoulder where the crowd remains. I pull him in for a hug, both of us shaking slightly from the adrenaline. After a while we pull apart, the rest of the team arrives as well as a couple ambulances. One takes Ian away immediately, escorted with two police officers as well.

"It took two shots? You're losing your touch." Morgan teases, thowing an arm around my shoulder that makes me wince a little. My phenomenal aim has always been a touchy subject with him, not liking being second.

"I'm concussed and he was driving fast." I defend, fully knowing how whiny I sound.

"Statically of our entire team Y/n would be the only one likely to have made that shot with the variable speed that Ian Croakley was traveling at." Spencer chimes in.

"I knew you were my favorite for a reason." I grin pulling Spence in for a hug effectively shaking off Morgan's arm.

"Yeah, whatever." Morgan shrugs, ruffling the hair in top of Spencer's head.

"Ma'am, you really need to get looked at." The emt reminds, interrupting our conversation. I leave the group and look over to see Aaron sitting on the back of one of the ambulances. We both finish getting evaluated, thankfully nothing too serious that we have to delay our flight home.

"You were right about the concussion." I grin walking up to Aaron as the sheriff walks off.

"And it would seem the stitches too." He reaches out again, thumb hovering over the threading sticking out of my forehead.

"Yeah, should make fore a pretty badass scar." I tease.

"I'm sure it will." He smiles, a real smile. The Aaron smile that I have seen so rarely, but more frequent lately. The plane ride back home is quiet, everyone drained, Aaron and I just flat out sore. By the time we get back to the BAU, Aaron sends everyone home saying the paperwork can wait for the following day. Everyone clears out and he goes back up to his office.

"Not following your own advice?"I question, walking into his office. I make my way round to his side of the desk and lean back on it. The edge of my thigh just barely meeting the outside of his arm from where he sits.

"Just wrapping up a few things before." He sets down his papers, his eyes raking all the way up me from toe to head, we both pretend I don't notice.

"You know, since I have a concussion they said I need to be under observation. No sleeping, crazy delusions, slipping into comas that sort of thing. You know anyone who wants to stay awake with me?"

"I can think of someone" He smirks, "I can put on a pot of coffee."

I pull out the to go mug he had brought my coffee in a few days ago out of my tote and hold it out to him.

"Take me home Aaron."

AHHHHHHHH i hope yall like this! i haven't written in forever to it was honestly just fun to do! :)

[ron456]

AHHHHH- IM SO SICK OF THE BS I SWEAR-

FIRST OF ALL-

He doesn't "act naturally" or "normal" because HE'S AUTISTIC-

Will Roland portrays him as AUTISTIC so he's gonna act AUTISTIC-

ALSOOOO- IT'S BROADWAY, BABE- THEY NEED TO BE OVERDRAMATIC AND VERY EXPRESSIVE OTHERWISE THE PREFORMANCE DOESN'T CARRY THROUGH THE WHOLE THEATRE-

AND ANOTHER THING- Jeremy is supposed to be a "loser"-

he gets bullied and is misunderstood by his peers because he is, well, NOT CHILL-

HE'S "CHALANT" AS HELL-

He gets bullied because he cares about things too much, he's anxious, he's loud-

And in regards to the "can't hold a note for too long"- have you heard Loser, Geek, Whatever? Or More Than Survive? Or Two Player Game??? Song where he holds notes for quite a long time- ALSO- to say that Will Roland can't reach the same notes as Will Connolly is just... not true.

And one of the reasons I think some people think Will Roland is "a worse singer" is because, sometimes, stylistically, Will Roland will use a sort of falsetto/head voice (which I LOVE BTW AND IM SICK OF PEOPLE CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BAD SINGERS BECAUSE THEY USE HEAD VOICE- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IMPRESSIVE, AND REQUIRES GOOD BREATH CONTROL TO MAKE IT NOT SOUND CRAPPY AND WILL ROLAND DOES IT AMAZINGLY) like when he says "hero" and "Rob Dinero" (idk if that's how you spell it 😭) in More Than Survive.

It's not that he's a bad singer, he is taking the brunt of his voice during those parts and also, given that it's this little solo/soliloquy moment for Jeremy, I think that Will Roland's choice to use a light head voice there is perfectly well-placed. It feels kinda personal, I guess. And I love it <3

Not to say that Will Connolly's way of singing it isn't also great. It's awesome! But like, guys, we can't keep getting pissed when a new actor in a show doesn't have the exact same singing voice as the original 😭 That's just silly, guys. 😭

(LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GOT PISSED AT ELIZABETH TEETER'S LYDIA FOR SOUNDING TOO MUSICAL THEATRE-Y?? LIKE. HUH?!? GUYS, IT'S BROADWAY- WHAT DO YOU MEANNN??? Sorry, I have feelings- Also, Shoutout to Elizabeth Teeter, btw, cuz' she slayed <3)

Anywaysss- back to Will Roland's voice- he is very much capable of hitting the notes that Will Conolly hits- if not higher (IT'S NOT A COMPETION THO, GUYS- PLS DONT COME FOR ME). For example, the acoustic version of Loser, Geek, Whatever on Spotify which, I believe, is a key higher than usual!! This man can belt some high notes when the situation calls for it! And also, (these are not really bmc related but whatever) during the harmony or whatever at the end of "Sincerely, Me", that is none other than WiLL RoLaND (!!!) hitting that high E (I'm pretty sure it's an E. I hope it's an E. But regardless, it's still a SUPER HIGH NOTE) at the end! And in "Amphibian" on Joe Iconis' album titled, well, "Album", Will Roland hits some insanely high notes!!! ( EVEN IF THEY ARE HEAD VOICE. I REPEAT, HEAD VOICE DOES NOT MEAN BAD SINGER!!)

Also, as a little additional statement to my "Jeremy is autistic/ autistic-coded so Will Roland played him as autistic"; this is not to say that Will Conolly didn't add some "autistic flare", if you will, to Jeremy. I mean, just yesterday I was freaking out with my friend about a gif of Will Conolly's Jeremy doing the autistic flappy hands :))). And I think that he was a good baseline for other Jeremy's to build off of!

Also, I feel like the people that are saying that Will Roland's portrayal of autism/neurodiversity is "ableist" or "incorrect" or "too dramatic" are sorta failing to understand/acknowledge that autism/neurodiversity is a spectrum. Not every person with autism or another kind of Neurodiversity is gonna act the same. And I think that's something really beautiful that we should all cherish. It is GREAT that we are all different but also, in many ways, the same!

And to see myself and my uncontrolled speaking voice and weird noises and such represented by Will Roland on stage is such a beautiful thing that I think 'ought to be cherished.

[honey-on-your-tongue]

Too Close

Javier Peña x fem!reader

Part two

Series masterlist

Blog masterlist

Eight o’clock sharp, you’re standing in the small apartment lobby, staring at the faded paint on the walls chipping. Your outfit of your first day at your new job is simple and classy—or you hope so, at least. A short, white, plaid pencil skirt combined with formal but comfortable shoes, and a plain white button-up blouse that shows your midriff. Your hair is down, just washed, styled in that way that makes you feel most confident.

You’re still nervous. Nervous off your fucking ass. And the prospect of seeing Javi, of having him take you to work, of spending time with him…It makes you flustered. He’s handsome, he’s witty, he’s kind. From what little you’ve met of him until now, he’s just your type.

But…

But he’s older. He’s much older. He must be what? Thirty-four? Thirty-five? Thirty six? Somewhere in between, you guess. And why would a man like him even glance at you? You’re a kid to him. He’s almost twice your age. What are you thinking?

You hear a door opening and keys jingling. A moment later, Javi walks to the lobby in a red button-up tucked into his jeans, a belt holding them up. He’s wearing a jacket and a tie, and he looks…

Fuck, he looks hot, you think, trying not to think about it.

“Mornin’,” he greets, those dark eyes taking in your outfit.

You feel yourself growing a little uneasy, shifting your weight around a tad. “Is this okay?” you ask of your outfit. “Does it get too cold here?”

He shakes his head. “Your outfit’s fine,” he tells you. “But I might need to take you out into the field with me sometimes, and it would probably be better for you to wear something that’s comfortable in case we need to stay out all day.”

You pause. “You're gonna take me into the field?” Your voice should be afraid; instead, you're delighted.

He chuckles. “No where too dangerous,” he promises. “Just little meetings with sources. Nothing for you to worry about. Besides, I'll be there to keep you safe.”

You smile softly. “My grandpa never let the other agents take me out onto the field. He was too afraid of me getting in harm’s way, I guess.”

“Dealing with sources isn't really that dangerous,” he tells you as he places a hand on the small of your back to lead you to the underground parking lot of the building. Tingles brush up your spine. “Worst parts are when we burst into coke labs or hideouts, stuff like that.”

“They're also the most exciting, I bet,” you say. “I mean, dangerous, obviously. But the adrenaline…”

He chuckles. “It's only exciting if you survive,” he points out. “Usually there are more funerals than celebrations after those kinds of raids.”

You're silent for a second. “I…Yeah, you're right.” Your voice turns soft, pensive. Of course it's not some game. What are you thinking? You're seeing it from a journalist’s perspective, not from a DEA agent’s. Raids make great stories, sure. But having to participate in those raids…

You have to keep reminding yourself that you’re now a member of the DEA, not a journalist. The world isn’t only about telling stories now, it’s about living them.

Javier leads you to his car and opens the passenger door for you. Immediately, you're blushing again, nervous and flattered. You stutter out a thank-you and Javi chuckles smoothly.

He gets in the driver's seat and, oh, God, if you thought he was hot, watching him drive just about sends you hurling over the edge. The way his aviators give him a mysterious hue, the early-morning sunlight shining through the window as he drives you through Colombia…

His nose, his lips, his jawline…Oh, you want to kiss it all. Kiss his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his lips. Oh, those lips…

You realize you're staring when Javi glances at you, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “You alright there?” he chuckles.

You blush, snapping your head away, glancing out the windshield. “Y-yeah. Fine. I'm just…trying to get a bearing of my surroundings, y'know. I'm gonna have to drive to the embassy myself eventually,” you say quickly, hoping your voice doesn't quiver as much as you think it does.

“I wouldn't mind driving you every morning,” he says casually, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the gear shift. “We leave the same building and get to the same place. Problem would be when we each gotta go our separate ways.”

“Yeah.” You nod. “You work late?” you ask, out of curiosity more than anything.

He chuckles, a sound somewhere between amused and endeared. As if you were a child asking some silly little question. “You…could say that.”

You bite your lower lip, wanting to ask more, but you don't want him to think you're a naïve little girl. You're twenty-three. Not a child.

He's almost twice my age, you think, of course he sees me as a child.

*

Javi glances at you, noticing the slight pinch between your eyebrows. Did he say something wrong? Did he make you uncomfortable? He has the feeling you want to say more, to ask more. What's holding you back?

“I usually don't have a very regular schedule,” he tells you, hoping to ease your nerves. “It depends a lot on the narcos since we gotta take ‘em by surprise and we never really know where they're gonna be. So we gotta seize any opportunity we get.”

You nod. “Right. It's…Is it stressful? Always guessing where they're gonna be?”

“More than stressful, it's frustrating,” he responds. “Every time we think we're close, they vanish like thin air. Especially Escobar. He's a real tough motherfucker. Careful, ingenious. It's like chasing shadows. Every time we go after him, it's as if he already knows it.”

You pause, turn to him as he stops at a red light. “Every time?” you question.

He nods. “Yeah. We've barely even been close.”

“And you've made sure there are no leaks within the DEA? Or the Colombian military? Because it's a little odd that he can always predict your next move.”

Javier's eyes widen. Of course. How could he not think of that? There's probably someone playing for both sides. A mole filtering information to Escobar. But it would have to be someone close, someone who knows all of their plans.

It's not Carrillo. Carrillo is fully trustworthy, Javier is sure of that. But maybe someone on the Search Bloc, someone new…

He gives you a little smile. “Smart thinkin’,” he tells you. “It would've never occurred to me.”

You shrug as if dismissing your great idea. “I'm a journalist. My work depends on sources and info leaks.”

Smart, gorgeous, witty, humble…

Javier tries to keep himself in check. You're everything a man would want.

But not him. He shouldn't want you. You're so young, there are so many guys out there who would be better for you. He knows that. But, God, what he wouldn't give to get a taste of you…

*

The day flies by—no, the weeks fly by. Between doing your investigations, adjusting to the new work environment, getting used to living on your own, learning Spanish, and trying not to think about Javier, a month passes in the blink of an eye.

Suddenly you have an established routine, suddenly you're settled in. Suddenly you understand more Spanish and your accent decreases slightly. Suddenly, Colombia is becoming a home to you.

But the deeper you fall into Colombia, the deeper you realize it's a war zone. A small-scale kind of war zone. Sicarios—hitmen—make people disappear without anyone noticing for days.

Only reason you know is because those people are usually your sources.

Javier was right about the work being more frustrating than stressful. It's like sand, slipping right through your fingers. No matter how hard you try to hold onto it, it just seeps away.

You make progress. You know you do. But most days, it doesn't feel like it. Javier and his partner, Steve Murphy, they both respect you. They appreciate you and your contribution to the team. Carrillo, the Colombian coronel, does too. But other men…they're a little sensitive about having a woman working with them.

They doubt you. They catcall you. They assume you got the job by sleeping with some higher-ups. And it pisses you off. You wanna punch them all, curse them, call them out for the disgusting pigs they are.

But you don't. You keep your calm. You're better than them and you know it—they know it. That's why they're anrgy with you. You threaten them. Your presence, your abilities, make them feel insecure. And that brings you a very much deserved wave of satisfaction.

Every new piece of information you bring in, the prouder you are of yourself. Until you realize Escobar keeps getting farther and farther away from the DEA. He buys and kills his way through life, opening himself a pretty little path, a red carpet rolled out at his feet.

Some days, you're upbeat. You feel you're moments away from catching the drug lords. But other days, you feel like you came down to Colombia for nothing.

Today is one of those days.

Late afternoon, everyone leaving the office after yet another failed raid. The warehouse had been emptied even before the DEA team was on its way there.

There's a mole, you think as you put away files with months’ worth of information. There has to be a mole. Someone is talking. Someone is ratting us out. But who?

You exhale thickly, a dull ache spreading behind your eyes. You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Fuck,” you mutter, stressed, annoyed, frustrated.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You grab a file with a big, red stamp on the front that reads deceased—one of your sources just recently killed by sicarios—and aggressively toss it in the trash can. As if that would solve all your issues.

You don't realize he's standing in the office until he sighs. “Tough day, huh?”

You turn around, jumping a little, to find Javier there. He looks almost as pissed as you must look. More, probably. He's already been here for years and Escobar is still running free.

“Understatement,” you mutter, turning away from him. You grab another file, open it. You read the name. Some Francisco something. You grab a large stamp and press it onto the front page so the word deceased is now there in big, bold letters. You toss that into the trash too.

Javier approaches you slowly. You can feel his presence burning behind you, like warm sun on your nape, and it makes goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Some of us are going for a drink,” he tells you, voice light and casual. “Just in case you wanna join us.”

You turn to him. “Who's going?”

*

Me and you, Javier thinks. Just us.

“Alright, fine. I'm going,” he says, chuckling softly, smoothly. “There's a bar downtown that I like to frequent when I don't have the best days. And you—no offense—but you look like you could use a drink.”

A small smile appears on your lips. He wants to kiss the corner where your mouth curls.

He can see it in your eyes, you're thinking it through. Weighing the decision. Maybe if he tips the scale a little…

“On me,” he adds, giving you a little smirk. “Y'know. Just a little something to take the edge off.”

Your smile broadens and he knows he's succeeded.

“Alright,” you agree. “You're driving.”

You don't have to say it. It's become the default. Even though the embassy finally delivered your own car, Javi keeps driving you to and from work. Unless he knows he's going to have to stay out later or go through with a raid in the middle of the night, he always insists you let him drive you.

You always politely tell him it's fine, that you can do it yourself, but he doesn't want you to do it yourself. He wants to drive you. Wants to have you sitting in the passenger seat of his car. Wants to hear you hum along to the songs on the radio. That's become the highlight of his day—you have become the highlight of his every single fucking day.

And he hates himself for it. What is he thinking? You're half his age, you can do so much better than him. He's broken, tarnished. He doesn't need to drag you down with him.

But the way your eyes light up when you see him. The smiles you give him. The way his name rolls off your tongue.

Good God, how many times has he spent too long in the shower, one hand braced against the cold tiles as the water falls onto his back while his other hand fists his cock? Head down, hair wet, eyes shut tight as he thinks of you, of the way you say his name. Your little skirts and gorgeous eyes. Your soft, sweet lips…

Over and over, he spills his release onto the shower wall, thick white ropes that trickle down the drain. He does it until it hurts, until the warm water runs cold, until there’s no more of his come to spend. And yet, no matter how much he does it, it's never enough.

Nothing is enough. Not cold showers, not jerking off for hours, not sleeping with his usual hookers and imagining you. Nothing does it.

If it's not you, it'll never be enough.

He takes you to a small club. A private, luxurious little place. Both of you are still in your work clothes. He watches you remove your blazer and are left in a pretty top and a skirt. You let your hair down, untuck your blouse from your skirt, and suddenly you look different. You look free. And Javier's heart skips because he now feels like he has the opportunity to take you home. To lead you to his bed. To spread your legs and let himself finally taste you, feel you, fuck you…

He leads you to a booth in a corner, comfortable and a little more private than other tables, and you sit across from each other.

He watches you, saying nothing as you look around, studying your surroundings. Music is playing softly in the background, people are talking, glasses are tinkling. But he can only focus on you.

You turn to him, a small smile on your face, those beautiful eyes almost shining. “So, as a regular here, I bet you know the menu by heart. What drink would you recommend?”

He chuckles. “I like to take my whiskey. Not a big fan of fancy, elaborate drinks.” He eyes you for a second, purposely letting the tension grow. “But I'd suggest you order a piña colada. Something sweet for you sweet, little thing.”

Javier notes the blush that forms on your cheeks and he feels proud of himself. He didn't take it too far, just a small flirtatious comment. And already you're all flustered.

God, the look on your face if he were to fuck you in front of a mirror, if he'd spread your legs to see your wet pussy, if he'd touch you, kiss you…

Fuck.

He starts getting hard, his cock bulging against the seam of his pants. He slightly adjusts his jeans to relieve the pressure a little.

A waitress comes over and takes your order. Your drinks arrive not long after.

“How are you adjusting to life down here?” he asks you, sipping his whiskey. Bitter, cold. Just how he likes it.

You sip your piña colada, removing the little umbrella on it. “Well enough,” you reply. “Only thing I still struggle with is the language a little.”

He nods in understanding even though he speaks Spanish fluently. He grew up with both languages, he hadn't been forced to learn from zero.

“You'll be able to get it,” he assures. “You're a quick learner. If Steve was able to learn, you're certain to nail it.”

You laugh and he chuckles. He likes that too, he realizes. Your laugh, the way the corners of your eyes crinkle, the shine in your gaze, the way the sound resonates from your mouth.

Suddenly it's a little hotter in the club and for the first time in a really long time, Javier feels nervous around a woman.

*

You like the way he looks at you. Those dark eyes taking you in as if he can't afford to miss a single detail about you.

Smiling a little coyly, you take another sip from your piña colada. It's so sweet.

Something sweet for you sweet, little thing.

Butterflies burst in your stomach. You gaze back up at him. He meets your gaze for a moment before looking away.

He reaches for his tie, undoes it with one hand, starts tugging it off.

Good God…

You press your thighs together. The tiniest of gestures and yet he looks so fucking hot doing it.

You wish he'd tie you up with that tie, pinyou to the bed, take what he wants…

Mind out of the gutter, you tell yourself. Mind out of the gutter.

As the night goes on, you both talk about everything and anything. The conversation doesn't dry up. It just flows. It's odd how much chemistry you two have, it's almost like you'd be perfect together.

But you work together. But he's much older. What would people say? What will happen when—if you were ever to be more than coworkers? More than friends?

No, don't think about that. It won't happen. He's just being kind, taking out the new girl to help her. It doesn't mean anything.

But you doubt yourself. The way he's looking at you, those dark eyes, that intense gaze…You could swear there's more to this than mere kindness.

As the night grows darker, the music gets louder. People start moving onto the dance floor, the lights dim. As the sounds rise in volume, you and Javi sit closer to be able to hear one another.

And suddenly everything shifts. Suddenly you're so close, suddenly the atmosphere is different, suddenly you're staring right into his eyes and he's glancing at your lips.

A soft breath leaves you. How many piña coladas have you had? This isn't you thinking, it's not you leaning closer to him. It's someone else, some other girl—confident, bold, she goes after what she wants. It's not something you would do. But this new version of you…

His lips are grazing yours now. You're so, so close to him. You can smell the cigarettes on his breath, can feel the heat of his skin. He smells of cologne and whiskey and smoke and soft musk.

“I was thinking,” you say, voice low, sultry. What's that sound? Is it the music booming or your racing heart? “You should teach me Spanish.”

“Teach you Spanish?” he asks, eyebrows pinching together. He seems confused, unsure about where you're going with this.

You nod. “Yeah. The toughest part is getting my tongue to roll the right way. And I was thinking you could show me…”

His eyes shine with realization. He understands now, you can tell. “Fuck,” he says breathlessly, voice low and thick. “C’mere.”

And then he's kissing you.

His mouth is warm, soft, and he tastes like danger.

One of his hands finds your waist, the other cups the back of your neck to pull you closer. He devours you, lips coercing yours open before his tongue slides in, tasting of whiskey.

When your tongue meets his, he groans quietly, the sound reverberating through you. The hand on your waist tightens its grip, the other one tangling in the hair at the back of your head and tugging slightly.

You gasp. He smirks. Javi pulls you closer until you're just about forced to get on his lap. You're happy to do so, straddling his hips, one hand on the back of the booth sofa to hold you up, the other one cupping his face.

When you lean your weight down on Javier, he groans, a barely-restrained sound that makes you wetter than you already are.

You can feel he's hard, his cock pressing right between your thighs. You get comfortable on his lap, the bulge in his pants right against your clit.

His hands move down to your ass slowly, testing the waters. When you don't complain, he squeezes the supple flesh, groaning into your mouth.

And it's wrong. And you know it's wrong. But you let him.

*

Fuuuuck.

Javier's mind is a blur, his every thought fogged over with the feel of you on top of him.

His cock aches for you. You're on top of him, the feeling of you on his lap is almost enough for him to jizz his pants.

Jesus fucking Christ, you're perfect. All of you is perfect. You feel so much better than he could've ever imagined.

His large hands squeeze your ass and start guiding your movements, making you grind against him. You let out a little sound, a soft, quiet moan and his hips buck up against yours. In response, you whimper, thighs tightening on either side of him.

He keeps guiding you, making you ride him through the fabric of his pants. He can feel the crotch of his jeans grow wet with his precum, his hips starting to move against yours in search of more.

More, more, more.

He wants so much more. He wants to lift up your skirt, move your panties to the side, slide his cock into you. He wants to feel you, your warm, wet pussy clenching around him…

“Fuck,” he mutters against your lips. It's not enough. It won't be enough until he fucks you. Properly fucks you.

One of his hands moves from your ass to the side of your thigh, and then between your legs. He plays with the edge of your skirt and then his hand wanders under it.

His calloused fingertips find the fabric of your panties and his cock twitches. He gently teases your folds through your underwear, feeling how wet you are already.

He pulls moan after moan from you, smirking against your mouth, swallowing your every sound.

“Javi,” you whimper, pulling away from his lips to take a heaving breath.

“Shh, angel, you don't everyone to know what we're doing now, do you?”

You shake your head softly, eyes fluttering shut. “Mmm, n-no. I just—Oh, God.”

He pushes your panties aside, rough fingers finding your bare cunt. It's so wet, the coarse hair on your skin soaked.

You jerk at the feeling of his fingers on your pussy and he chuckles, a deep, rumbling sound.

He gathers some of your slick with his middle and index fingers and spreads it all over your cunt, leaving you nice and wet so his thumb can glide over your clit in soft, neat circles.

A string of incoherent words leave you and Javi smiles. He wishes he had you in his bed right now so he could spread your folds with his fingers, look at how wet you are.

But this will have to do for now.

He slides his middle finger into you, his thumb adding more pressure on your clit as he draws mindless shapes on the needy bud.

You rock your hips against his hand, moaning, your nails digging into his shoulders.

“That's a good girl, angel,” he whispers into your ear, kissing the side of your neck. “You're doing so well. I'm gonna add another finger, yeah?”

He slides his ring finger into you as well and you throw your head back, gasping softly. He curls his fingers up to find that spot that makes you clench around his digits and he smirks.

The more he fingers you, the wetter you get, the tighter you grip him. “C'mon, angel. Come for me, yeah? Let me give you what you deserve.”

You mewl, nuzzling your face into his neck as he fucks you open with his thick fingers.

“Shh, shh. You're so close, angel. So close. Fuck, I can feel how tight you're getting.”

His words seem to spur you on because you start riding his hand faster, more eager, as if you can't get enough. And then there's a moment where your body seems to pause, your every muscle tensing, your eyes shutting tight, and then you fall over the edge.

Javi watches as you climax, the sight more beautiful than anything he's ever seen in his fucking life. He doesn't want this to be the last time he sees you like this. He'll die if he can't get more of you.

“There you go,” he whispers into your ear, helping you ride out the pleasure. “That's a good girl. Are you alright, angel?” He kisses your jaw, your neck, inhaling your soft scent.

You nod weakly. “Mhm,” you hum, shuddering a little. “‘m fine.”

“Good.” He kisses your lips softly, tasting you. God, the things he wants to do to you. He pulls his fingers out of you and licks them clean, his body aching to taste you. You taste so sweet, so gentle, so fucking perfect.

Oh, what's he fucking doing? You're half his age. You're too good for him. He shouldn't be—

Your hands start moving to the front of his pants, palming his throbbing cock through the fabric, and suddenly Javier forgets himself. He forgets everything.

If it's not you, he doesn't care right now. He'll figure it out later. There will be time later.

So he just gives in. Just ignores everything and allows himself this moment with you.

It'll only be once. Just once, he promises himself.

Cross my heart.

Dividers from @cafekitsune! Thank you again for these beautiful dividers!!!

Taglist

@maiyart @cheesepannini @picketniffler

I'm so inspired while writing this omggg I just need this man so much 😭😭😭

I hope you enjoy babes!!! <33333

[anguishedlurker]

I Just Can't Seem to Run Fast Enough

Hello and welcome to the 2024 EctoImplosion! I got paired with the lovely @vexglitch for this one, and while it's gonna take a bit to get to their beautiful art the whole ride will be :)) very fun :))). The Fic can also be found on Ao3 HERE, but as is my personal Thing I'll post the first chapter under the cut!

Warnings for the whole fic: Mild Gore, Violence, Getting Turned Away, Threat of Dissection, Angst

And now, the fic;

~

"Honestly, what was he even planning?" Sam chuckled, walking with Danny.

"What would he even need with a game shop?" Tucker added, smiling.

"Maybe he was finding himself a plus one sword of-" Danny started. The thermos hissed as Skulker likely banged around the sides, voicing a warning he couldn't follow up on.

"Quiet, you." Danny hummed, lacking venom as he clipped the thermos to his belt.

Tucker rolled his eyes at the display.

"You lost, man! Give it a rest."

The melodramatic tone paired with an over the top flourish prompted a lopsided grin from his invisible spot, though he was sure Tucker knew even as he weaved around the streetlamp blocking his flight path.

Sam tilted her head to where she assumed he was, carefully eyeing empty air slightly behind him.

"Careful though, you never know if he's one day going to find a flaw in that thing." She said softly, too low for the noise to get to Skulker.

Popping back into view, Danny gave a grimace.

He was met with a shrug for the effort, a conversation never had yet already over.

They were all quiet for a few more paces, Danny fading back out before any unseen observers could get a camera as he toyed with the thermos chain.

"Welp." Tucker started, Sam already sighing.

"Don't give me that, I've gotta go home and do homework. Lancer had no mercy today, I swear!"

"Have you considered working during class? We had time." Sam snipped, good humored.

"Hey, I was trying to get my PDA-"

"Nerd shit, got it." Sam cut off, slightly less well humored.

Danny was inclined to agree, the PDA having been a frequent topic the past four days.

"Nerd shit you say! Not so nerdy when I'm the one keeping us on track with my nerd shit, I've noticed! Always-"

"Tuck. Please" Danny huffed.

"Don't think you're off the hook either!" Tucker said, turning to point at the general location of Danny's voice.

"Weren't you going home?" Sam asked, Tucker deflating a little as he remembered that he very much was.

Danny was just glad he didn't have to apologize for, or possibly to, the PDA. Again.

"Yeah, yeah. Homework. Joy. Hopefully tonight’s quiet. You?" He asked, largely talking to Sam.

"Well, while trying to slip under the Fenton's radar sounds fun, I think I'd get busted if I'm not home by eleven. Sooo maybe hiding under your bed for an impromptu sleepover isn't a great idea." Sam said, turned towards Danny.

He flickered into existence exclusively to shrug.

"Suit yourself. You and the dust bunnies would get along great, just saying."

"Ha. No thanks, yours have an alarming tendency to develop free will."

"ONE time Sam-"

"Besides, I don't need to give my parents more reasons to keep an eye on where I'm at."

"Okay, well, you two finish this on your own time." Tucker dismissed, turning at the street corner. Sam passively stared as Danny faded again, prompting Tucker to find the dumbest way he could manage to walk. It quite easily topped the last time this happened.

"How are you doing that with your hips!?" Sam shouted after him. All Tucker did in response was mime tipping a top hat, trying to not look pleased with himself.

"Yyyeah, so, if this is the end then I just need to get him through the portal." Danny sighed, ripping his focus away from Tucker's shenanigans as he rattled the thermos chain for punctuation.

"And leave a poor girl all alone in the dark?" Sam asked flatly, still watching Tucker, who was now trying to moonwalk. Badly

"Yeah. Let me know if you get murdered."Danny grinned, starting to float away at a casual pace.

"Can do, you'll get the message right after I make you find out what death squared is."

The threat had no true venom behind it; Sam could take care of herself against ghosts, whatever human had funny ideas wasn't a real threat. But still...

"Killing me a third time? For shame. Y'know, most people don't even commit one murder!" Danny chidded, flying away the beat afterwards as Sam started shouting to thin air.

She walked into that one! It was such low hanging fruit!

The thermos made an odd noise as he went, and he ignored Skulker's ongoing aneurysm at new information. This wasn't a usable tidbit, just a fact everyone had moved past.

Still, as the rattling went on he elected to shake the thermos and hiss at it, which didn't help.

His hands were tied about the noise; it's not like he could stick his hand into it and squish Skulker for misbehavior.

His house was in view shortly, the Fenton shielding shining in the late evening light as the volts arced in their regular pattern.

Which meant his parents had been doing repairs since he was gone. Goody.

None of this was new though, the whole thing routine now. Pulling his phone from a pocket he quickly texted Jazz, circling to the backdoor entrance as he went.

He could almost hear the promises they'd get the shield to exclude him soon, son, soon from his parents as he considered detransforming already, but wiping the external cameras again would be too suspicious. He was already too close to the house, and invisibility was nice and comfy.

Within a couple of minutes the back door popped open, Jazz already prepared to stick her tongue out at thin air and rip the shield's plug out of the electrical socket.

Lucky them that the cameras weren't pointed to it.

"Real mature." He whispered as he flew through the now inert danger zone, shaking the thermos like a maraca as Skulker made very interesting noises.

"Mature-er than... whatever you're doing to who's in the thermos." She huffed, plugging the shield back in.

Danny didn't grace that with a response, instead phasing through her and giggling as he darted in.

The whole body equivalent of a wet finger in an ear, just for her!

The shouting behind him was minimal, so clearly he hadn't achieved an element of surprise. He would have to do better next time.

He paused just inside, holding the thermos close to his mouth and whispering "You know the drill, can it properly this time."

Skulker was obedient, quiet except for a last huffy shove. This part of the game was not up for debate; to be caught was to become the prey, hand in hand with Danny.

Jazz stormed through like she'd shove him if he was solid and she knew where he was, stopping just inside like he had. The silence hung as she scanned the hall for the invisible.

"Ugh, whatever. They're in the kitchen, and I'm going back upstairs to finish my essay."

"The one due two weeks from now?" He snipped, soliciting her spinning on her heel towards his voice.

"Mock all you want, I'm passing my classes with flying colors! And I don't have to worry about if my schedule explodes, 'cuz it's already done."

Her hand pointed theatrically along with her words, oddly very accurate to his position. This time.

"Neerrrrrrd." He drawled.

All he got back was a disapproving head shake and Jazz continuing to walk down the hall in an attempt to ignore him.

Now with silence in hand, Danny wormed his way through the hall and past the kitchen, where his parents had what was probably the old shield generator disassembled on the table.

Jazz must have lost the argument this time.

The bangs and clanks of metal sheets getting shoved around covered any noise he could've or would've made himself, affording him an easy slip past them and just into the basement door.

"Alrighty, just gotta-" He started, holding his captive audience up to hear.

Skulker gave a screech, unpleasantly shrill if very muffled, and Danny reflexively turned his ankle and slammed the thermos into the heel of his boot.

Skulker knew this part of the game too, going silent again.

"Christ alive, do you just never remember? Or do you secretly like being stuck in this thing for days?" He hissed, moving down the steps.

Skulker didn't give a response as Danny bridged the space to the portal, sliding the port's door open and roughly shoving the thermos in.

With an unceremonious button press, Skulker was released to the zone with an absurd amount of blob ghosts and an ectopuss in tow.

Thankfully, his parents had the portal locked for now, so there would be no immediate return from Skulker.

The upstairs had gone a bit quiet, a lull in wrench noises and poorly disguised swears barely processing in Danny's mind as he put his feet against the wall. His parents weren't subtle people; his dad alone could wake the dead. Certainly did enough of that for Danny every six am.

Tucker hadn't been wrong about Lancer being ruthless today, though he was with Sam that they'd had class time. It's just that he wasn't a fast worker like either of them, even when the day was peaceful.

Still, A couple hours in his room with his computer unplugged for temptation restrictions and to keep Technus out (sort of) and it'd be done, provided his night remained peaceful.

But how damning of him, to say that maybe he'd have it easy.

There was suddenly a cold metal barrel against his temple, and all he could discern was his mom looking smug.

Then there was the floor. Lovely floor, wonder why he didn't come down here all that often...

[mediocreanomaly]

May we have Livio&Razlo nsfw hc please? 👀

Authors Note: LMAO I was dead ass working on a draft for this but since you asked so nicely I'll finish it and put it here <3 (Because these men kinda own my thoughts ngl...)

*Gender neutral reader but afab anatomy used*

Livio & Razlo NSFW HC's

•Livio is, at first, very scared of hurting you due to both the fact he isn't used to kind touches and the large size difference between the two of you (I don't care how tall you are this man is taller and larger)

•So you'll need to take the lead at first with him. You'll also need a lot of prep work though because his body isn't just for show, he's packing a lot below the belt too.

•The best way to prep you? Letting Livio eat you out until you're legs are trembling and even then if you push his head away he'll keep going. This is something he's a little more confident at, bullying his head between your thighs, letting his tongue do all the work to make you come apart. Honestly if you ever let him he could probably finish like this without even touching himself, your pleasure is his pleasure

•But as fun as that is...how does the phrase go? Save a horse ride a cowboy? The best position for Livio is to ride him, it makes him feel better that you have most the control and if he ever hurts you you can just pull away (not that he ever would hurt you, not even if you asked him to he's too much of a sweetheart)

•Livio is down right lewd to watch in bed. You'll straddle his hips, riding his cock thats thick enough that you can feel it pressing against your womb and Livio just..takes it

•If he's feeling shy he'll throw an arm over his face but you won't have any of that, cooing sweet words to him as you pull his arm away only to be greeted by the sinful sight of Liv straight up drooling over you, eyes pricking with tears of pleasure as his large hands come up to squeeze at your hips

•He's so pretty to watch, and he gets fucked out real easy. Not in the way that he can't keep going, no this mans stamina is unheard of you'll almost always have to tap out first, I just mean he gets love drunk, just babbling nonsense grunting out things like

"So pretty-" "please don't stop" "need it please" "s'more?"

•While his voice is still all deep with lust. Honestly you could probably get off from the way he talks alone. The best part is the more rounds you go the most he loses himself to the feelings so he'll get a little more bold, grabbing your hips and bring you down like a fuck toy in his grip whining

"m'sorry- need more please- ah s'good" while he does

•When he finishes...ah this man cums a lot. He'll whimper and throw his head back as you feel his release spill in and then out of you making both your thighs sticky. As much as he'll apologize for it...he's secretly proud of it

•Aftercare is important! Please, this man wants to make you happy so bad. Tell him how good he did, how sweet he is, that he made you feel good while you run your fingers through his hair. He'll melt under your touch and after sex cuddles are assured

•Razlo on the other hand-

•Everything about the body Livio frets about are things Razlo thinks are great. His strength? yeah no, he's not afraid of it, in fact he loves to play it up

•One of his favorite things to do is show you how much of a size difference he has over you, he'll grab your waist and fuck you standing up, pull you down on his cock over and over, using you like a life size fuck doll

•He enjoys fingering you too, he's big and just one of his fingers is like three of yours so he likes to get you to the edge and he's a bit mean

"What? You're going to cum already? You need it so bad you can't even wait to be on my dick? Show me how bad you want it then, cum on my fingers"

•He also likes pushing you down on the bed, fucking you from behind as he grunts and says lewd things.

"shit- yeah you like that? You like being my fuck toy? Like getting treated like a slut? Damn, too cock drunk to even respond huh?"

•Also, while Livio prefers just you, Raz is no stranger to sex toys. He likes tying you up, watching your spit drip from the ball gag in your mouth as he fucks you stupid

•Sometimes to tease you he'll tie you up and have you sit on your knees in front of his aching cock, not allowed to move as he strokes himself in front of you until he paints your face with his cum

•Speaking of cum...he's like a feral dog when he's about to cum. He'll bend you over, hitch your leg up his shoulder, bending you as far as you can go and thrust with abandon, basically growling as his finger's rip at the bed sheets, only stopping once he spills into you and even then he'll add a few more lazy thrust just to make sure it's fucked deep into you

•Razlo is actually very good at aftercare, he knows he pushes your limits but he loves you. He'd never actually want to cause you distress, he's also fiercely protective so he'll be damned if you ever have a sub drop while he's there

•He'll run you a bath and praise you, telling you how good you were for him, how nice you look as his large hands massage your aching muscles where the ropes dug into your skin

•But things get even more interesting when they share you for the night. I hope you're a switch because the transfer between crybaby Liv to domineering Raz is sure to send your mind reeling in a good way

•One thing Raz kinda gets off to, especially when Liv is still a bit unsure of himself, is showing him "how it's done".

•Raz will front but leave Livio co-consious letting him watch as he fucks you, if he's feeling ornery he might even add in a few

"This is how you do it-" "look how fucked out they already are"

he'll go until you've cum twice and he's already spilled his load into you, then he'll chuckle and let Liv front telling him to have fun with his sloppy seconds

•and he does...Livio doesn't even mind that you're already filled with cum, he'll press right back in as you whine babbling

"I know baby I know- ah so good, can I fill you up even more? Please let me?"

•He'll attempt to recreate what Razlo did, I'll be it a bit more timid and with a lot more whimpering than he did, but he'll be more likely to chase after his own high which is a okay with you because at this point you're so sensitive that you could probably cum from this alone. Still, Livio is a giver to his core so he'll still reach between your thighs urging you to finish at the same time as him

•It goes the other way too though, sometimes Livio will be letting you ride him a whimpering moaning mess under you as you take care of him, and he'll finish early spilling into you only to let Raz switch in and finish you off. You'll watch as Livs unsure hands fisting at the sheets switch to Razlos strong hold as he grabs your hips and thrust up into you, ready to drive you over the edge

•Other times to tease each other depending on what mood their in, they'll force one another to just stay co-conscious as they fuck you. Whether it's Livio trying to rile Razlo up, as Raz makes annoyed comments while sweet Liv gets to come apart under your caring hands. Or Razlo trying to get to Liv while he watches quietly as Razlo takes you over and over again practically preening with the audience he knows is there

•Don't worry they don't mind sharing you. In fact it's the prefect balance. The three of you are more than happy with the little arrangement you have going on and what can you say? You love your boys

[liquidisedfrogs]

EUROVISION RANT 2024

Last night was the night of creativity and culture that all (probably only like 20%) of Europe adores. Eurovision is one of the times when I, who am a very chill and non-judgemental person, will barf out my thoughts and write my commentary (cos I'm better than Graham Norton). STRAP IN MOTHERFUCKERS.....

We started this wonderful evening with a performance of Hooked On a Feeling which I gotta say is a banger but what's with that Burger King background? He was decent, to say the least but more or less it was just an old dude who stood on the stage singing which is just quite meh. Loved the flag parade, Swedish music is awesome. 

PERFORMANCE 1 : SWEDEN- UNFORGETTABLE- MARCUS & MARTINUS This is a damn catchy song but how are you supposed to tell those twins apart?! I loved the sort of club/ravey vibes it gave. The staging with all the flashing lights was pretty awesome. (ngl those twins were kinda cute) THE MEN IN BLACK DANCERS KILLED ME. It gave Matrix vibes and I'm here for it. The costumes reminded me of F1 drivers but I love it. Rank no. 10

PERFORMANCE 2: UKRAINE- ALYONA ALYONA & JERRY HEIL- TERESA  & MARIA Honestly, one of my favorites. Feminism in a good way. The taller woman gave off such Boudicca vibes and I love that, both women were so gorgeous and had amazing voices put together. I did say the rock reminded me of The Lion King but I really liked that. The costumes were also so aghhhh the Rey-Boudicca and the knight were such a great combo and the song was really catchy. Rank no.4

PERFORMANCE 3: GERMANY- ALWAYS ON THE RUN- ISAAK So. Much. Fire. Ya know, I'm actually disappointed by the fact that it wasn't in German. It's a solid song. It was quite rag-n-bone man style but I appreciate that. I do have to say it wasn't something ridiculously special but it's a nice song and a guy who looks like he gives a good hug. Rank no.14

PERFORMANCE 4: LUXEMBOURG- FIGHTER- TALI Firstly, I love her hair. It's so long and so pretty and she has got an insane voice. I'm not a fan of the song, though. It's too repetitive, extremely forgettable, and just mid song. It just wasn't anything special, it was a quite nice Middle Eastern vibe tho. Rank no. 23

PERFORMANCE 5: He got disqualified so I will not be ranking this.

PERFORMANCE 6: ISRAEL- HURRICANE- EDEN GOLAN What in the voodoo contortionist shit was that position at the beginning? Her dress tho, why she looking like she's just escaped Ghostface. Oh and look more shirtless men.  This isn't the worst song it's just not  the best. Another mid one like literally all of them this year. The dance was giving ring a ring a roses and the floor screens just were not it. She has an amazing voice, I won't lie that she doesn't but it's just not my vibe. Rank no. 17

PERFORMANCE 7:  LITHUANIA- LUKTELK- SILVESTER BELT This is one of my favourites. It's a catchy European bop and I love itttttt. The tracksuit looks well warm. I adore his jewelry its so nice. I literally started cossak dancing it was so catchy. It's a real vibe and I really appreciate it. The short people had me in stitches it was hilarious. It gave off severe jamboree vibe sbut I love that cos it's vibrant and bright and just pretty fucking awesome. Rank no.7 

PERFORMANCE 8: SPAIN- NEBULOSSA- ZORRA I am ashamed to say that I thought this was gonna be high ranking in my books but no. I am a changed person. This is a family show. I get that there's one like this every year but damn this was fucking scary. The men. In fucking thong arsed things. Nicht gut. The song was pretty good tho so and the 80s vibes rlly sold it to me. On the basis of the song not the staging, it was great. And, I mean, making out with a dancer on stage in front of your partner is very eurovision. Rank no. 13

PERFORMANCE 9: ESTONIA- 5MIINUST x PUULUUP-  (NENDEST) NARKOOTIKUMIDEST EI TEA ME (KÜLL) MIDAGI I swear this is just a group of dads who've gone screw it we're doing eurovision and rocked up with 90s rap up their sleeve and traditional instruments. I think its such a vibe and I would kill to be them when I grow up. The suits were great, idk what was up with the slits but for some reason it felt like what a k-pop group would wear to the met gala. Literally the cha cha slide. Rank no.9

PERFORMANCE 10: IRELAND- BAMBIE THUG- DOOMSDAY BLUES Fucking incredible song. Harry Potter mentioneddddd. Their make up is on-point. The song is on point. The outfit is on point. Everything abt it is so wonderfully perfect. The nails are a bit odd but its a vibe. The witches circle was incredible, the screaming bit was too. so witchy, so emo, so awesome. I loved the chilled out bit, in contrast to the rest it was perfect and probably needed. The reduction of clothing towards the end was pretty funny, my brother stared a bit too much but oh well it was great. Rank no. 1

PERFORMANCE 11:  LATVIA- DONS- HOLLOW What in the blue man x Gru crap is this? Honestly I didn't really register this one so I don't have a huge opinion on it. Also gives of Rag-n-Bone Man vibes even if it is  a typical eurovision song. Altogether its a meh song, not a fan, and the fit is just downright strange. Rank no.24 

PERFORMANCE 12: GREECE- MARINA SATTI- ZARI I am confused by this one. She has impeccable vocal control. I am extremely admiring that. The song was just a bit of a rubbish mishmash. There was too many elements. I did quite like that and the live stream addition watching on tv was quite nice. I'm confused by the outfit as well, everything just seems all over the place. It's giving Doja Cat but European. I liked the dance moves and it was pretty darn funny but just a bit mental. Rank no. 18

PERFORMANCE 13: UNITED KINGDOM- OLLY ALEXANDER- DIZZY As the youtube comments said, this gives severe gay lockerroom corn vibes. Just what the friggity frack. The crotch protection while dry humping each other?! It's just a bit odd. I did like the song. It's super catchy and very annoying. That guy can sing but maybe he needs to reevaluate where his loyalties lie in that. The staging was so confusing like for the whole thing I didn't know what was up or down or left or right, it was just mental. First proper European vibe English vibe that I've got. Very odd but it's sorta loveable. Rank no.19

HONOURABLE MENTION: LISA WOODRUFF - My whole family were so confused by this but the song was so funny for no reason such a vibe. It was genuinely better than some of the artists we've had this year. Mental but awesome.

PERFORMANCE 14: NORWAY- GÅTE- ULVEHAM I really enjoyed this one. The vocals are so ethereal and the 90s grunge mixed with Norwegian instrumental influences match perfectly. Stunning lady with an amazing band with her. The song just flowed ad the staging was all sea-witchy and I loved it. Great song, great staging, awesome euovision track. Rank no. 3

PERFORMANCE 15: ITALY- ANGELINA MANGO- LA NOIA The see through ish glittery tights were quite interesting I have to say. Her outfit was breathtaking. Her voice like many of these artists is incredible but not my vibe I have to admit. Its catchy I know it's someones cup of tea but it ain't mine. Overall, it's not too bad like I love the whole Mediterranean vibe but its just samey to the rest. Rank no.21

PERFORMANCE 16: SERBIA- TEYA DORA- RAMONDA The witchy vibes don't really match the song. I think it's really sweet. It's not super up there but it's a tune and I enjoyed listening to it. Here hair is so lovely as well. It really comes across as a bit of a plea for help but it's a lovely message and I always really enjoy Serbia's input because they're always shockingly good. I would love that dress as well if someone wants to go snag it for me. Rank no.8 

PERFORMANCE 17: FINLAND- WINDOWS95MAN- NO RULES! This is the one I've been waiting to yap about. Bloody hell this one was a ride. I'm gonna start with the fits and staging: it was so random, I am so here for it. The egg was just perfect for the randomness and running about the stage was awesomeeeee. The shorts descending from the heavens and then bursting into flames was a real highlight, so iconic. The guy dressed in all denim was such a vibe as well. I actually feel sorry for him cos the other guy stole the spotlight a bit but that was a true eurovision act. I feel I can always rely on inland to deliver something crazy and they smashed it out the park yet again. Rank no. 6

PERFORMANCE 18: PORTUGAL- IOLANDA-  GRITO The staging gave a beige mom house in the US, the makeup gave Coachella. I really thought it was quite a vibe, maybe a bit dentist office wedding but who cares shes a cracking voice and the dancers went down as 'the beekeepers in my house'. The light was giving Loreen's panini press again but it's not that bad and is a solid mid range one. Rank no.16

PERFORMANCE 19: ARMENIA- LADANIVA- JAKO This one HIT man. It was just a vibe, the like trumpets and the woman's mental ness. The patterns almost sent me into a seizure but it's eurovision, you're gonna have a migrane the next morning. She was so cool in her dress and I just loved it, the band was cool as well and jumping around the stage while singing complicated stuff like that is a talent so kudos to the singer. Rank no.11

PERFORMANCE 20: CYPRUS- SILIA KAPSIS- LIAR Yet another same samey song. It just wasn't giving me enough to get a notable score. This is no criticism to her herself but it just got too repetitive this year. Far too many scantily clad men dancing around young women. Particularly with this one, she's only 17 and she looks so much older and I was just worrying for her and praying that the dutch dude wasn't towards her. Rank no.22

PERFORMANCE 21: SWITZERLAND- NEMO- THE CODE One of my favourites for the evening. They looked like nemo as well it was so adorable. The talent to stay on that pendulum wheel thing is so freaking awesome. They cooked hard. Their vocals are so freaking stunning as well just an incredible, catchy one. The drum beat gave breakcore and it's just an ear-scratcher. It's just such a snazzy song. Rank no. 4

PERFORMANCE 22: SLOVENIA- RAIVEN- VERONIKA What in the water-coated body suit? The fit was questionable and so was the dance moves. Yet another situation where the contestant made out with the dancer. The light up tits and crotch were weird as well. Like highlighting the bits you shouldn't want to show off. Oh welllllll. IT was an interesting song, not particularly special but pretty typical eurovision. The eye makeup was on point also. Rank no.15

PERFORMANCE 23: CROATIA- BABY LASAGNE- RIM TIM TAGI DIM The pirate vibe meets My Chemical Romance were real. One of my favourites of the night. The cat pictures sold it to me heavily. I loved the fit it was such a vibe. I had it goin through my head all night. The meowing absolutely killed me. Such a banger a true sea shanty turned rock is the recipie to please my ears. Rank no.2

PERFORMANCE 24: GEORGIA- NUTSA BUZALADZE- FIREFIGHTER Yet another woman singing warbly surrounded by muscular men in interesting clothing. Her dance moves were extremely strange and probably not appropriate for the kids watching, particularly in that short of a dress. The song wasn't the worst though ( take that back probably one of my least favourites). The dance was just a bit odd. Rank no.20

PERFORMANCE 25: FRANCE- SLIMANE- MON AMOUR It was so boring. Like I was falling asleep. It needed spice. It was giving shit drake that sings falsetto that's too high for him. It was too repetitive, too boring. It didn't appeal to me one bit. Probably my least favourite. Rank no.25

PERFORMANCE 26: AUSTRIA- KALEEN- WE WILL RAVE Now, I'm not usually a fa of this vibe of music but kaleen executed it so freaking perfectly, its a n earworm that I hate but its so funny. Very Europop vibe to it, giving me jamboree vibes yet again. She reminds me of Taylor Swift and her little daughter was so sweet. This has gone down pretty well I think. Rank no.12

Now, I've finished my part and I didn't watch the after bits cos I was too busy falling asleep from slimane. Compared to last year, completely underwhelming but its decent. Some hhits hit, others missed the board completely. Sorry about even worse grammar and spelling than last year but that's all folks, see you in 2025.

[queennai714]

Random hcs I have because I may be cringe but I'm free part 26 (Ninjago, again)

My Ninja singing hcs cuz I love music and singing and I think the sillies would too.

When it comes to Cole, there are only two ways the hc can go, either you think he's terrible, like in the oni trilogy, or he's a wonderful singer with a beautiful natural voice and the technique to match, who just doesn't know what to do with that stupid Gloworm song (I mean COME ON, he went to the Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts ffs). I choose to believe in the latter. Whatever you choose he is still vastly better at dancing than singing.

Kai actually has a pretty great (and fittingly, very powerful) voice and he could be amazing if he ever decided to take actual lessons, but he couldn't care less. What he's interested in, and therefore weirdly good at, is distortion. Growls, vocal fry, screams, even just regular old belting, anything that would push anybody else's voice to its limits, he can do it all and does so willingly and extremely well. (Cole is lowkey jealous)

Jay can SING omg (when he's actually trying anyway). Jay's the kind of guy who has a wonderful (and surprisingly powerful) natural voice without any kind of lessons or training but if he isn't focusing on/into the song or doesn't really care abt how he sounds then it just sounds like talking/shouting. But when he's alone, or listening to smth he really likes, or deliberately trying to impress, bro sounds ANGELIC (Cole and Kai are BOTH jealous of this one(and this one kinda feeds into my Japanese Jay hc but my brain decided that when he's doing more hardcore stuff, he sounds like mafumafu))

Once again, this one was hard because Zane only ever sings with the help of some kind of nindroid shenanigans, so I dont have a lot to go off of but I'm happy with what I came up with so 🤷‍♀️. Anyway, Zane's normal speaking voice is really clear and smooth and slightly accented and wonderful and he has perfect understanding of music theory and all the technical aspects of making a voice sound pleasant and musical, and he sounds really good when he hums, and he's got the technique DOWN, but his voice just always sounds weird somehow, so whenever he wants to sing along to smth and sound a certain way while doing it, he'll just replace his own voice with the original vocalists or another generated voice that he thinks sounds good. He still has an absolute blast though.

It is a rare and I mean RARE occurrence to hear Lloyd sing and 99% of the time someone does manage to pick up his voice, he sounds slightly below average, even if he's actually putting in some effort for once. But that ultra rare 1%, when someone manages to overhear him late at night, almost silently raiding the cupboards for candy as he quietly sings the softest, sweetest, and most comforting melodies to ever be given lyrics, then he sounds pretty wonderful. Don't let that fool you though, it's his comfort zone for a reason.

Like her brother, Nya has a pretty awesome natural voice, but, also like her brother, she doesn't really care for "normal" singing. She tends to lean more towards rapping, usually resulting in her unconsciously putting more energy into rap segments than the rest of the song, and the rest of the team. However, she absolutely ADORES hearing the others sing, especially Jay "What? He just has a nice voice. It has absolutely nothing to do with our relationship, no way". Its like she can sense whenever Cole and Jay are having another random duet and she always manages to "coincidentally" appear before the song ends.

Pixal was originally programmed by Cyrus Borg to have a lovely, gentle, mother-like singing voice, and she definitely appreciates it (its surprisingly come in handy on quite a few missions) but she finds it just a little too different from her normal speaking voice for her to get totally into it. She usually prefers to stay away from vocals anyway, finding that she has more fun tapping her fingers or toes or even just making percussive mouth sounds to the rhythm of whatever's playing (and these days, she's kinda hesitant to even do that, ever since Zane accidentally let it slip that he thinks its "positively adorable")

[marshmallowprotection]

i’ve had such terrible experiences with relationships in the past, even tho i was really young in a lot of them. i’m 18 now and currently recovering from an abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend.

most guys i know aren’t interested in dating a girl with relationship trauma and if they are, it’s usually for the wrong reasons.

do you think any of the mysmes guys would be okay dating a girl with relationship trauma? or would they just steer clear of girls like that altogether?

I sincerely don't think you need to be afraid of any of the characters in Mystic Messenger ever thinking less of you for having gone through a difficult romantic relationship in the past with an ex-partner, whether it was toxic, abusive, or anything else. To think less of someone who's a victim is disgusting, and even in real life, if someone makes you feel less than because you survived an abusive relationship and whatever they say makes you think you're "damaged goods", kick them. Kick it out of your life. Kick every single person who makes you feel horrible because that victim blaming mentality has got to go!

The only way to make a healthy relationship is to learn how to speak with your partner and communicate your needs. The two goes both ways and it's important to discuss what matters to you and them. It matters because in a relationship, you and your partner(s) work to be together because you want to be together, and if you want to make it work with someone, you find compromise and work towards shared goals. You want to be better together, but not just together.

You want to exist within your relationship as two people with their own lives and as you spend more time together, you blend this or that until things feel just right. You don't have be with your partner all the time, and you don't have to do everything with your partner, it's okay to have different hobbies and passions. But, being with your partner is meant to be fun, so when you do share experiences and things you love, it should feel good and never like a chore.

Great example, say you're a Yoosung MC. You don't enjoy MMORPG games, or video games at all, but you do love Yoosung. So, you listen to him talk about his exploits in LOLOL because it makes him happy to share it with you. You do that because you love seeing him happy. He knows you don't like video games, and he loves that you met him in the middle and share that with him.

On the opposite end, say you're someone who is the light of the party and you're a Jaehee MC. Jaehee isn't huge on the party scene, she's a stay in and enjoy her evening kind of gal, she appreciates that you don't expect her to go to every party with you. You don't ask her to go to every party you attend, but you make sure to MAKE TIME for her because you love being with her, too. That's compromise, and it's the best way to enjoy YOUR INTERESTS and to be RESPECTFUL to your partner.

There are ways to make a healthy relationship and as long as you're willing to put the work in, it will get there. It's harder when you're a bit younger and you don't have the experience in communication under your belt, but it's one of those things you learn as you get older, and for some of us, unfortunately, we learn the hard way. I know I did and while it's still hard to use my voice, I feel better for it, so I hope that it is easier for you to find your voice and someone who wants to be with you for the right reasons.

Remember your worth because you matter and you deserve someone who helps you remember that.

All of these characters have their own personal trauma outside of a relationship, and they're also paranoid you may not want to be with them because of that. Like, for example, Saeyoung and Saeran have a lot of complex trauma they're working on throughout the series and they both have made a point of saying that they're afraid of hurting or disappointing the player because of their mental health. They take accountability and do their best to treat the player right if they make a mistake or hurt you, but it doesn't excuse the hurt.

You're allowed to be hurt and to communicate how you were hurt. Because the only way to make things better is to talk. Don't push shit under the rug and pretend to be okay with it. It breeds resentment in a relationship and that's not going to make anything healthy for you or your partner. Talk about what's bothering you. Be honest and say what you mean.

Tell Saeyoung that he hurt your feelings by lying to you and trying to push you away. Tell Saeran that you're still upset about what he did in Mint Eye to you by insulting you. Make them understand that you do not want to be treated like that ever again, and that you want to be by their side in the future, but you also don't want them to hurt you or by proxy, end up hurting themselves because you know they don't want to hurt people intentionally.

Communicate these issues and work on them together if you want the relationship to work. The same goes for you if you make a huge mistake and hurt them. Talk. it. out.

Same thing with Jumin Han. Don't mince words with him after the time he trapped you in the penthouse. You don't have to insult him or shout at him, but explain why that hurt and why it made you feel bad. Explain why he should've known it was wrong and that you want to be with him but you won't hesitate to find boundaries if something like that happens again.

Zen, for example, he doesn't hesitate to flirt with you from the very beginning because he knows you're charming and trustworthy. He feels that in his gut, but sometimes, his gut can land him into some trouble if he trusts the wrong person. Something he has to work on, not even just in romantic pursuits, is thinking about boundaries and not giving people the benefit of the doubt all the time. People could walk over him and that's not healthy.

And maybe you're the one who brings that up with him when you tell him about your past and what you've gone through. It sparks the way forward, and you focus on ways to not nudge him down. Since, after all, he has an ending where you make him quit acting by telling him to give up his dream. I can easily see, even in a healthy dynamic, where Zen does way to much to please you and how quickly that could turn into a problem if he doesn't work to curb it and you realize how little he's asking for himself.

Jihyun Kim is just as bad when it comes to people pleasing, but he has a sense of awareness about that bad habit of his, he just has to accept it and that's a part of his route. So, it's not as hard narratively to point that out and how it hurts him and any relationship he wants to go into.

Communication is the key. That's how things work out for the best in any relationship. Either you work on what's wrong 100% and stay to be together or you leave them because it wasn't healthy and you've decided to move on.

I can promise you that the characters aren't going to tell you to leave because you have "baggage". If someone loves you and they want to be with you, they'll work with you—circumstance barring something making your dynamic toxic or abusive of course—to make sure you feel just as comfortable as you help them feel.

[freelystrangenight]

Rating every Eurovision final performance until I get bored (tw: opinions):

1) Austria : 9/10 not the greatest thing since sliced bread but a solid vibe, my kinda weird and pleasant musically, like the "ghostly" harmonies, scrarch my brain pleasantly, and as English lit student I appreciate poe.

2) Portugal: 5/10 not bad but legit don't remember anything and it just finished; piano riff sounded like I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

3) Switzerland: 4,5/10 feels very general-pop; good lyrics but the arrangement/melody makes me kinda too bored to really listen; formal line sounded like "Sk8ter boy" by Avril Lavigne

4) Poland (motherland, I'm so not proud, WHY): 4/10 song is generic summer radio pop, nothing original but honestly not the worst I've heard, tho I'm pretty sure I have heard a Latino/Spanish pop song at least very similar; also unfortunately heard fragments of this before and this performance is not too bad for her, at least she worked on it; why the dance solo (pun intended hehe) exists tho

5) Serbia: 6/10 man, the boi is pretty, but can he sing? Apparently not really 😬 visually interesting performance, auditorily not so much 😭 (dunno if it's a word). Points for originality tho, but will not stream.

6) France: 8/10 Strong vocals. Song is definitely not what I initially expected, which makes it more interesting. Really vibing. Honestly didn't find anything I didn't like aside from the length of her nails but their hers not my business. Maybe not "Eurovision crazy" enough to win but still love it

7) Cyprus: 3,5/10 pleasant voice but nothing special yet; song feels ESC-generic, don't like the falsetto high notes. Lyrics feel like AI generated broken heart song

8) Spain: 8/10 kinda arabic vibes? Great vibes, song very original, not my personal fave, but still amazing quality-wise imo.

9) Sweden 7/10 Loreen my girl this isn't Euphoria -level :( not bad, but nothing special, tho the singing is mostly amazing. Her nails are a safety hazard, sorry to the French lady.

10) Albania: 5,5/10 very Eastern vibe. Original enough, the main lady sings great, but the song doesn't really resonate with me so far. Don't like the dude.

11) Italy: 9.5/10 sounds like a generic pop but in Italian, and I like his bedazzled top. Ok, nvm, song is not groundbreaking but his voice makes up for it. Not sure if win material but "add to playlist material" for sure. Im pretty sure I've just heard "calzone" in there, prolly incorrect but don't care, extra point

12) Estonia: 9/10 not the most innovative but has 'something', like it so far. Would fit a fantasy soundtrack, maybe that's what has me hooked. The auto-playing piano cracks me up tho, same with the wrist-belts, but those take nothing from the performance.

13) Finland: 6/10 heard it all over Tiktok through last week and am fed up with it😬 is a vibe, but after too many times imo plain annoying. Points for the outfit, personally hate it but is already iconic. Unfortunately song is even more irritating live :/ but also frustratingly catchy, gonna be stuck in my head

14) Czechia: 7/10 was loving the slavicness, wish it didn't switch to English, ruins the vibe, also Female Power points. The performance doesn't give much to watch, but nice to listen to.

15) Australia: 8/10 yeah, never saw a dude in a car on stage before. I like the song very much, but not the most original in the genre. But, might be on of the best ones tonight.

16) Belgium 4/10 generic EDM pop, gives the same vibe as Be My Lover by La Bouche but worse and with Positive Message™️

17) Armenia: 6,5/10 pretty but? Im gonna forget about it in 5 mins or make it my personality for the next 10 days, but option 1 is more probable.

18) Moldova: 9/10 don't know what's going on but in a good way. I think this song may be doing to me what Chachacha was supposed to, tho it's not the greatest thing. (Got a bit bored in the edm interlude)

19) Ukraine: 3/10 feels like they knew what they wanted to say but unfortunately needed to make it into a song. Don't like it at all tbh, but organs in the background are cool.

20) Norway: 10/10 my fave!!!!! Haven't heard the beginning yet! Sounds like she has stage fright:( love tho pls win? Love how she looks like she's enjoying herself

21) Germany: 6/10 why is their leader cosplaying Vecna from ST???? Song stands out but, feels generic at the same time?

22) Lithuania: 6,5/10 life story but make it Disney soundtrack. Nothing we haven't heard on ESC before, but not bad. Pretty visual display .

23) Israel: 3/10 ummm no. Shame it isn't in a language I don't know, would like it much better. Like the voice, and the instrumentals at the beginning, but that's it. No, I didn't wanna see you dance. Choreo is nice tho.

24) Slovenia: 9,5/10 sounds like something I usually would like (i think(on second thought no, not really)) but I do. Guy has a good voice, love their energy, somehow they look friendly.

25) Croatia: 10/10 gay sailors who's mother bought a tractor? Eurovision at it's finest 😂 this one stands out like nothing else

26) UK: 2/10 don't be boring pls!!! Ok, you are ;( the intro was promising, then she started to sing... Nothing criminally bad, would bear it on the radio, but boring af

Disclaimer: I now nothing or next to nothing about the artists, their backgrounds etc. Also my ratings don't reflect any predictions as to who may win.

[hearts4cara]

my first reactions to guts!!

i did this with unreal unearth and had a lot of fun so here are all my thoughts on my first listen to guts! :)

all-american bitch: OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS??? that was just so much fun. i love how it started & ended softly but the middle is just pure loud guitar chaos. SUCH a good opener oh my gosh.

THE TRANSITION BETWEEN ALL-AMERICAN BITCH AND BAD IDEA RIGHT. INCREDIBLE 10/10.

bad idea right?: already heard it of course, but i have loved this song since the first listen and i do not understand why people don't!! some lyrics are a bit corny for sure but it's so catchy and fun.

vampire: again, heard it before, but i really like this song!! it's a bit overplayed now which takes away some of that but i still really enjoy it and have since i first heard it. her vocals are so improved.

lacy: i claimed this the second the tracklist was released and i made the right choice. this song is so beautiful. the quiet parts are so sweet and pretty but when it builds and gets louder i lowkey almost teared up?? such a good one.

ballad of a homeschooled girl: i was a bit anxious going into this bc the title feels corny to me but WOW i LOVE it!! incredibly relatable, and MAN i am obssessed with olivia transitioning into more rock/pop music. such a banger. the 'every guy i like is gay' line made me snort laughing

making the bed: oh my goshhh that was so lovely and beautiful and sad...she needs to stop writing songs about me. not much else to say. great song she never misses.

logical: this definitely isn't my fav but i enjoyed it!! i love how it gets louder in the chorus, and again her voice is incredible. i do think the '2 + 2 = 5' line is kind of corny sjfdsk but the rest of it is good!

get him back!: also not a fav but a bop fs! extremely catchy and fun, but the lyric 'i am my father's daughter so maybe i could fix him' made my jaw drop. like. okay way to call me out girly. the outro is eh but overall good song!

love is embarassing: decent song! i don't have much to say, just a fun catchy one, but i do think it's too short and ended kind of abruptly. ah well still good

the grudge: bc of the last 3 i was gonna say the latter half of this album is weaker but this just proved me WRONG. WOW this is a great song. i will never shut up about how amazing olivia's voice is, like her belting?? insane?? i love this one a lot.

pretty isn't pretty: as a wise songwriter that people need to stop pitting against olivia once said, 'shes insane, she wrote a song about me'. OUCH. like yes i will eat up any song about teenage girl insecurities but this one. this does it for me man. so good.

teenage dream: a PERFECT closer to this incredible album. 'it gets better but what if i don't' is such a real lyric. also obsessed with the brutal parallel to 'where's my fucking teenage dream?' because like. the teenage dream doesn't really exist bc of all of these burdens that this album encapsulates so well. such a great song.

i expected this album to be good but it has exceeded all of my expectations. it has 0 skips! even the songs i don't love are still so good! olivia's transition into more rock/punk music is something i 100% support and adore. i think it is better than sour by MILES and am so excited to see how olivia continues to grow. <3

[suuho]

How has the vocal training been going?? <3

hey!!! initially i wanted to wait with answering this until after my vocal lesson on tuesday but eh, what the hell. i am just gonna... very tentatively say that i am slowly regaining my footing. which, it feels like it happened so quickly i think but the truth is that i have been struggling for well over a year now (in april it will have been a year since i had covid, so that pretty much checks out. that was like the final nail in my coffin, lol), and i probably struggled even longer than that. if i am brutally honest, which. uh. once again, lol. that is why i honestly find it very encouraging when singers i look up to confess that they also struggle and question themselves and their skill; it is normal and human, and it isn't the end of the world either or makes me a terrible singer.

anyways. the thing is, i really truly and well feel like i am fifteen again just with a different skillset. i have started from scratch, mostly. i sing a bunch of the same stuff i sang ten years ago, a lot of rock and pop-punk stuff that taught me how to sing to begin with, like fall out boy and paramore. because those are songs i could already sing, so they are familiar but i have to force myself to sing it properly, stop singing so much from my throat (which i most definitely got rid of before and now i am annoyed that it happens basically unconsciously. it sucks.) i think i need to get an ab workout in again, lmao, because i NEED the support to come easier for me. yoseob, i understand you and your crazy abs wholeheartedly. 😭

my last two vocal lessons went pretty well, though! i am pretty happy with my mix these days, i think i managed to push it a little higher while maintaining the volume, and i am working so hard to not go thin when i sing high anymore, which is another annoying thing that has happened to me after covid. never happened before, now i am like wtf is this???? so i try to consciously adjust that too. the song i picked for my lesson right now is a straight musical theater piece with lots of high belting and it sits right where my voice breaks these days (also smth i worked out before that is now back, lol) and i am not letting up on working through it because i need to figure out how to sing this fucking song properly. technique and all. i need to go through every section and adjust my voice, like i am really treating this like i did when i was fifteen and sang way less challenging songs. so, at least i know i made SOME progress in ten years. lmao.

i sing a lot at work now, so i have gotten rid of most of my anxiety surrounding singing in public. that used to cripple me to death until, like, three years ago or something? i couldn't even sing in front of my teacher, it always fucked me up. but it's nice because now people come up to me and tell me i either have a great voice or they like my music!! lmao.

ok, so!!! uh, i think i am hopefully getting over the hurdle now is what i am saying. and i hope that the progress is not just temporary and that it keeps going like that. i wanna feel comfortable and confident singing again, because i know i can do it. and i know what i am capable of.

yoseob posted videos on his stories of him warming up and singing these past days and that was so encouraging, man. idk. it just made me feel so happy. i admire him so much, i think he is one of the best singers ever and his technique is soooo good. it's so cool how dedicated he is to keep himself in shape, and he also still takes vocal lessons!! he really is such an inspiration to me. i remember when jongdae and jinho would post bits from their vocal warm ups or lessons, that inspires me so much as well. it's just that normal stuff that keeps me going. i guess.

but!!! thank you so much for asking!! this made me so happy. i hope you have a wonderful day!!! 💘💖💓💞💗

[blazichu]

I happened to write my thoughts down as I was progressing through Brothership, so here they are, in roughly chronological order. Definitely contains spoilers.

Oh. Well. I sure can do something with Maykit's song, now can't I.

I know people are probably comparing this to WW, but tbh, the bite-sized islands remind me of Phantom Hourglass, and traveling on a set path invokes Spirit Tracks. I suppose the visuals are sort of reminiscent of Wind Waker, but, if anything, it's the shading re: the WiiU version. Not everything set on the open sea is Wind Waker, but I appreciate the enthusiasm.

Oh good, I missed stomping on Francis.

Forgot the villains straight up have Antasma's face. Do we think that's actually going to call back, or is the new dev team just trying to tie into the last proper M&L game?

…why do they keep doing villains in this style? The guy just looks like Antasma again, or (with the top hat) a color swapped Count Bleck. The only real difference is the MSA style skull.

Don't know why, exactly, but I've had that post that goes 'this isn't a ouija board, it's a Luigi board' stuck in my head for about three islands, now.

I'm actually kind of happy to see Starlow again. I had a friend who really hated her, but she seems a lot more chill in this one. Wish they'd kept the sound for her old voice, though.

Pfff, so apparently this DID turn into Wind Waker after all. We've got a bunch of kids with swirly belts who decided to take the matter of people getting kidnapped by birds into their own hands. They even hitched a ride on a boat so they could travel to an island with high towers, where a giant bird roosts.

So the idea is that Zokket can't remember names because even that's a bond, right?

Just looked at the word 'Zokkarang' and realized how many ATLA ships that encompasses.

I actually really love Bulbfish so far, it's a great change of pace. Pretty obvious where it's going, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that. The game isn't big on subtlety thus far anyway.

I'm bad at dodging the Foopflies, but love seeing them, because their name is super fun to say.

Every time I have to go back to Heatfreeze, I obnoxiously go "BWAAAM BWAM BWA-BWA-BWAM" a la Hailfire Peaks.

...okay. Either they put the obligatory mid-game Bowser fight WAY later than usual, or I'm not nearly as far into this game as I'd thought.

Oh yeah. I totally believe you, game. This is 100% where things are ending. It's not like the UI suggests any differently.

I got the 'Auto Luigi' plug, and no lie, the first thing out of my mouth was: "What does that mean? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

Brothership out here saying that sharks are smooth as hell.

Okay, hang on. We got Shyguy Says earlier on, but was that an Eatsa Pizza gag just now?

Oh my god. The Extension Corps is just evil Sweet Cap'n Cakes. How did I not see it before.

One thing I really dig is that the game's logic stays consistent between plugs and Bros moves, and it's a neat bit of foreshadowing. I didn't think anything of the fire and ice plugs combining to be extra powerful until it became a story beat.

There's a real consistent design theory with these villains, huh. This one feels VERY reminiscent of Cackletta and Dimentio.

Look. I get what the game is going for with this whole 'isolate yourself and do what you enjoy without socialization' villain philosophy, but uh. Maybe know the audience. That's exactly what I've done in order to play this.

The number of times someone's gone "Let's-a go" at the end of a scene, only for me to mutter "let's-a not" and turn around to continue treasure hunting is kind of alarming. It's always capped off with "Now we may-a go" too.

What a coincidence! Conductor Connection is also MY most powerful move!

I called most of the bonds, but think it's odd that the game highlighted Bowser and the minions' being so important, but neglected to include them in this portion. I guess it would be kind of hard to make that work, when Bowser wouldn't ever hold someone's hand?

I've always really loved the fact that the M&L games are allowed to have a continuity between them. I said before, it was nice to see Starlow, but they threw in references to her being friends with Bowser, and then the chicken thing. Bowser still remembers Luigi's name after four games of calling him "Green ___". It's not just throwing in a reference here and there, like the Peasly, Shroob, Broque and Zeekeeper reefs; looking back on it, you can see actual character arcs, the most obvious being Luigi gaining confidence, and Bowser becoming more of a threat.

I just busted out laughing. We blew a hole in the wall to access the OTHER hole we already made in the wall.

So I went and looked up the last Zokket battle, because there was something I wanted to see again, and none of the people I looked up got glohmed? I freeze up and panic during enemy attack phases, so I'm terrible at dodging, and (at that point) didn't realize there was a Glohm Defense plug, so I got Luigi glohmed on the very first turn-- and that was what I wanted to rewatch. There's a nice little sequence where you have to counterattack a glohmed brother, but after he's unarmed, he stops attacking, and you can stop countering/he'll break out of it. It was really sweet, and I kind of think the people who are playing "well" are missing out in that regard. Chalk one up for idiots like me.

I'm only just getting into the Solitree, but I wonder if the game is trying to make a point with these new enemies. There's one that's a combination of three trooper types, a support enemy that heals/buffs its allies, and a seedle that just spent the entire battle disengaged because its partner seedle ran off. That's all really interesting, given the villain's mission statement.

Okay, now that I'm not constantly in battles, the Solitree's theme is giving me MAJOR Psychonauts 1 vibes. I think, specifically, it was a song that plays in the Meat Circus, just before fighting the Butcher? The 'The bunnies are safe, we're all safe' scene?

Update on the Seedlusa: apparently it changes forms when it's the only enemy on the field. This isn't helping the optics at all.

SEEDLUSAS IN THE OVERWORLD RUN AWAY FROM YOU. I don't think I've seen ANY enemies that do that, before this.

So just recently, I ended a battle with a bro down for the first time, and now I'm going bonkers trying to even their EXP out again.

I am not immune to Sudden Silence with Bird Song Ambiance.

Seems I haven't evolved since that first run of Partners in Time after all. I definitely just jumped this boss to death over the course of an hour.

Okay. Say what you will about the game, but "UGH. PEOPLE." have to be the funniest last words for a final boss to utter. (Turned out there was more, but I maintain this would have been best.)

Not gonna lie, I didn't believe this was a new VA and not Martinet until I saw the credits. He's spot on-- it's really impressive.

My final takeaway from playing Brothership: I think I need to get my eyes checked. My depth perception is. Bad.

For real, Brothership was a good time. There are definitely some issues I would raise-- like the soundtrack's comparative weakness, a relative lack of interaction between the title characters (which is something I have a habit of harping on), and the game itself having the subtlety of a flying mallet-- but it was still engaging, and there was a lot to enjoy.

I'm still kind of disappointed my prediction about someone getting glohmed as a result of hiding underneath a drain pipe didn't pan out a la bean fever, though.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 1st December

Things are getting chilly, Christmas is approaching, and with it, three fresh new tracks, at least one of which I suspect I already know? It's well known enough that I've seen jokes and titles for other things that riff on it - a good sign? Certainly a sign that it has sticking power, for better or for worse.

Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing - The Four Aces (peaked at Number 2)

Well, the first version of this I found was very low quality, but even with a better quality version, I can tell early on that this isn't the version that I know. I did indeed know the song, but the vibe here is completely different to what I expected, a bit faster and more full of instruments and other voices. Whereas I think I know a version which just has a solo man singing?

I was also surprised, as the tune got going, to be hearing an electric bass? It's a groovier, more insistent vibe than I expected - I fully thought this would be on the soupy side.

The lyrics kind of make up for it, I guess, except they get off with the cheese by dint of their sheer audacity and scope, as they describe love as the April rose that only grows in the early spring and the golden crown that makes a man a kind. It's the sort of song where you hear about lovers kissing on lonely hills, enshrouded in mist, and how your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing. It walks the line between being delightfully over-the-top but also avoiding any overly cliché or lame images. It's all just fresh enough and earnest enough to work.

It's also got a soaring, swelling quality to it that carries the lyrics. In some ways, it makes me think of Secret Love, by Doris Day. Both songs have a really dramatic emotional heft, and both are pitched and arranged so as to make you want to join in, with these long, drawn out high notes, not quite so high as to be unattainable. It's good, I can see why lots of people covered this one.

This was apparently the best-selling version of the song, though it was originally written not for the Four Aces, but as an instrumental and then chorus theme for a similarly-titled romantic drama film, all about an American reporter who falls in love with a Eurasian doctor who was originally from Hong Kong. The film actually sounds pretty daring for 1955, though the main female role was apparently played by a white actress in yellowface, which... yeah, not great.

Overall, I like the song a lot, and I can see how it fits with the film's story, which you can't always say about these film tie-in songs.

Ain't That a Shame - Pat Boone (7)

This was originally a Fats Domino song, and I can tell you already, I will probably enjoy Fats' version better. There's just something about these rock and roll originals that have such a good energy, but the UK charts sadly seem to get the watered down white-person version of them, at least at this point in the 1950s.

Not that Pat's not giving it a good go, and apparently Fats himself enjoyed the cover - and the royalties money that it earned him! So maybe we shouldn't be too harsh on this, especially because it is, despite everything, some pretty textbook rock and roll, perhaps the clearest example we've heard so far? A lot of this can be credited to Fats' songwriting chops, to be fair, but still - this is good fun!

We start with two words, then two gunshot-like sax (horn?) blasts, almost reminiscent of the opening to Rock Around the Clock or Jailhouse Rock, as Pat sings about how You made // Me cry // When you said // Goodbye. It grabs your attention very effectively early on - a strong start!

Pat then goes on to sarcastically belt lines about how Ain't that a shame / You're the one to blame. He seems to be on fine, sarcastic form throughout, actually, with a gleeful sort of insincerity on lines like Oh well, goodbye / Although I'll cry / Ain't that a shame? You really get the sense that he isn't that broken up about it all - or that he is, but that he's writing this song as a sort of angry kiss-off to the love who dumped him.

Fittingly for this, the whole track has a sort of party vibe, completely with properly rollicking sax and piano solos, a fun arpeggiated chord pattern and some supremely hammy "bop-a-doo-wah" backing singers. It's good fun, in ways that can probably mostly be credited to good song-writing and an ear for instrumentation, and it all makes this song probably the most fully-formed rock and roll song we've had so far.

Twenty Tiny Fingers - The Stargazers (4)

Normally I'd assume from the title that this was a mawkishly sentimental song about having a baby and looking at their tiny hands, or something. However, since it's the Stargazers, who recently gave us the nightmarish but at least fun Close The Door, I'm willing to extend a bit of goodwill here. The Stargazers have been many things when they have appeared in this project, but boring has rarely been one of them.

And yeah, it turns out I was right on both counts. This is a song about babies, but it's got a bit of that Stargazers silliness, too. Much like its spiritual predecessor, Where Will the Dimple Be, this song was also covered at some point by Alma Cogan. This is all honestly making me wonder why people were so obsessed with songs about babies in 1955?! I know it was the baby boom, but still - did people really want multiple songs about having a baby?

Thankfully, the Stargazers keep the pace up, with a sort of oom-pah bass, trombone versions of the "shave and a haircut" riff, and some rather daft lyrics. Sure, we get some sentimental stuff about how the babies have Twenty tiny fingers, twenty tiny toes / Two angel faces, each with a turned up nose. One looks like mum, while the other other has a bald patch exactly like his pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. Fine. But we also get some genuinely funny lines, including the description of the mum's waters breaking and the couple rushing to the hospital, and the dad waiting on pins only to be told with a handshake from the doctor that it's twins. Keeping it light, you know?

I also quite like more realistic lyrics later on about the difficulties of having twins, such as how We've got cribs and bottles and bibs / All round our three roomed flat / No time to see what's on TV / No room to hang your hat, or about how It's twice the laundry, twice the milk / It's twice the baby clothes / It's double this and double thatn /Oh how the money goes. All of this seems pretty accurate, based on everything I've heard from people with twins. So that's something.

And more than that, the song just doesn't outstay its welcome. As novelty songs go, that's pretty good. I'm not gonna be clamouring to put this back on, but it's fine, and keeps moving nicely. Which leaves me with just one question - if there are two babies, shouldn't there be 40 fingers and toes? What has happened to these babies' hands and feet? Should I be worried?

Well, that was a good, fun set of songs. I was kind of expecting at least one duff song, but really, I'd listen to all three of these again. We are in the rock and roll era proper, now, and it's so good! I have some misgivings categorising Pat Boone as a rock and roller. But here? Yeah, he's rocking and rolling with te best of them, and honestly, it's making me want to listen properly to Fats Dominos, so that's a win for both artists.

Favourite song of the bunch: Ain't That a Shame

[twistednuns]

October 2023

A lazy Sunday in bed with Sex Education and cake until Sandra summoned me with a bossy voice note and I joined the others at Oktoberfest. At one point there were several unicorns flying through the sky (in balloon form). Then I went on a little adventure with Sandra, Robert and David. Selfies at the mirror cabinet, crashing into each other with bumping cars, throwing balls into mouths, gifting red roses to each other, attending the flea circus. Man, I love this gang. I told David that he's naturally gorgeous when he inquired about the fate of his full beard and in hindsight I realised... he actually IS really cute. Also way out of my league? Sigh.

Cycling to school for the first time. Any excuse to escape public transport. But I was surprised by how quick the journey felt! I'm planning on taking my bike more often as long as the weather permits.

My first proper Kundalini yoga class! I kept up beautifully and it wasn't even too weird. Afterwards I appeased the teachers anxious, barking dog by giving her a few good scratchies. Oh, and I met a silky smooth and shiny black cat on the way there!

A return request for a lamp I'd bought turned into... a free lamp. They just let me keep it.

Not sure if it's a good thing but at least it was amusing: waking up in such a crazy mood that I constantly made weird noises and commented on what I was doing in strange accents. That's why I'm never bored.

Garlic-filled green olives.

Swimming in the river. In October! I enjoyed the public holiday at Isar with Ben, Taffy and Lu.

A nightly walk through the neighborhood. Picking up a very affectionate cat who purred all the time. Following a toad. Hanging out in the playground.

Finding out about an Alan Rickman movie I really wanna see: Truly, Madly, Deeply.

I picked up a few vegetables from my neighbours' garage and there was a chonky red and white tomcat. We started "talking" and I was CHOSEN. He wrapped himself around my neck and started purring, basically making out with me. Lots of boops!

I had so much energy in Lucie's Yoga class. I sang all the mantras, kept moving, meditating, even performed a headstand! And I learned a trick with the Yoga belt: making a loop and putting it over me leg and head helps me stretch and twist my upper spine!

A weird half-lucid dream about my dying parents in a mansion. Almost like an epic family saga, one of these long novels with too many characters.

Learning from Sophie Passmann's book Pick Me Girls that I was never special. At all. It's funny - and sad - how many things we have in common.

A long video call with Fox. Unboxing the parcel I'd sent him, sharing book recommendations and going through our many lists together.

My date with Christian. Taking the BDSM test on the big leather sofa at Flex together (100% brat?). He noticed we were actually in the kissing corner and made like nobody was watching. We talked about Integral Psychology (I couldn't get Treya Wilber's quote about love at first touch out of my head), my shadow/mum's death and his depression. We went home together. How is this so intense. High on connection.

Madonna's Don't Tell Me playing while walking to the subway one evening, looking up to the stars, feeling gratitude of this fantastic new plane of existence I'm on. I never knew bliss like this. Tell me love isn't true / It's just something that we do / Tell me everything I'm not / But don't ever tell me to stop

The crisp chop chop sound the knife triggered when it dismembered a chunky carrot.

Scalp-brushing.

Hopping around on Hanna's trampoline machine in the physio practice.

Meeting Michael for the first time! I promptly took him to a burner get-together at Tatjana's place and we got along famously. I also enjoyed creating naughty poetry with Ben and hugging Robert for a few moments longer than necessary. I had a great conversation with the British guy whose name I never learned and loved Sandra's soft fur coat - couldn't stop touching it.

Another nightly playground visit.

An unexpected nude selfie with greetings from the Mediterranean from Galya and Nagu.

Milk foam. / Arriving in the kitchen just in time to prevent the milk from boiling over.

Sunday afternoon at Alte Pinakothek with Katharina. I love that woman and I desperately want her to become one of my best friends. We interpreted the art, paid attention to details, textures, colours. Looked at Tilda Swinton's favourite painting (her partner is a childhood friend of K's ex). Then we got some juice and eggplant bread sitting outside a cafe in Schwabing, playing with tiny spiders and chestnuts. Talking about health, sex and love, fashion, all the important things in life.

A brainstorming session with Fox. Getting the zoomies. Interpreting my OSHO stalker card.

Sandra sending me cute photos of me and David.

A deliciously ripe mango from the Canary Islands. A clementine giving me Christmas vibes. Cosy and nostalgic mint tea.

London Philharmonic Orchestra - Adagio for Strings Op.11a / immediate calming effect, it makes me feel like I'm walking through a dramatic movie.

Cycling to the cafeteria. Someone had a beautiful grey Sheba cat on their lap on the driver's seat of their car, letting it look out the window. Someone else was blasting Toto's Africa and I sang along. I managed to produce a loud whistling noise with my fingers!

Salted Pistachio nut butter cups.

Gifting myself to a beautiful yellow and purple bouquet of flowers (my favourite colour combination).

My new acid yellow blazer.

Staying super calm and positive during a painful medical procedure.

Taking the liberty to leave work instead of suffering through the whole day when I noticed I had tonsillitis again.

Coming up with a sexy mission for Lena and Max.

555 is associated with change, personal progression, and transformation. "It is a sign from the divine that you are undergoing positive changes in your life."

Cycling to Westpark to meet Vroni. The smell of mulch in the air (reminds me of home).

Feeling energetic, strong, powerful (still can't do a headstand without walking up a wall though).

Manu showed up at choir practice again! And Kathrin wants me to prepare a song to check out my voice for a possible solo.

Dusting the whole apartment. Filing paperwork. I love it when I happen to be in the mood for annoying tasks like that.

An inspired dinner & theatre date with Becky (visiting Raphael's opening of Animal Farm).

The very spontaneous decision to turn around and go home with Christian in the middle of the night. Touching him felt electric again and his apartment was incredibly gorgeous. I loved waking up surrounded by nature, meeting the chickens and a shy cat. Meditating in the sun. A debate about AI over breakfast. Playing with his son's toys, receiving one of his tiny toothbrushes (pink with stars and a suction cup). Chestnuts. Reading a picture book to him after giving him a massage.

Lush fields of sunflowers in the sunshine. Fall foliage. Butterflies and a vegetable garden outside C.'s house. More chickens outside the wholefood store on my street.

The first persimmons of the season. Biting into a jam-filled gingerbread heart.

A newfound obsession with Jupiter. Its symbol consists of 2+4, my two favourite numbers. Gustav Holst's The Planets suite.

Morning meditation (autumn vibes, windy with lots of crisp leaves flying through the air - cosy). Starting Roger Zelazny's Lord of Light over breakfast (I'm already hooked). Invitations, coincidences, good conversation. Finalising the stamps (following advice about "Doing the thing" I'd received in a newsletter the day before).

A new musical era? I've started listening to more classical music, being naturally drawn to it. I find it to be very uplifting, making life a little more cinematic .

I got dressed up for Avantgardista and felt comfortable and hot in a see-through top with black jeans, cowboy boots and my new Desigual leather jacket. I looked objectively cute! My hair cooperated and I came up with an asymmetrical flitter make-up idea: Multichrome flakes under the right eye, little gemstones under my left eyebrow to accentuate the highest point (stole the idea from Eric in Sex Education).

Spending Saturday evening surrounded by so many burners, old friends and new ones. Finalising my friendship with Robert at Chili's kitchen table. Starting to flirt with each other ("Just to clarify: I do wanna make out with you but I'm afraid of Sandra" - "Yeah, me too!" / he kept following me around a little bit and stayed close. I love how loyal and playful he is).

Tiny kisses from Sandra. Really great fashion and accessories, so many ideas for my own art projects and future Burn outfits. Christian showing up behind me (with Elena - I was a little jealous). Waving to Heike and Stefan from across the catwalk. Chili repeatedly offering to hold my chewing gum for me. Bringing out my dominant streak (the outfit must have done it). Sharing pinsa and a taxi.

Sending a selfie of Katharina and me to her ex (who we both know): "Hey, I stole your ex!" (He was totally fine with it) Damn, we looked extra cute. I loved our connection. What a unique and genuine person!

Playing Spin-the-bottle. Daring tasks. Connecting with Uli. Falling asleep on the big sofa, waking up surrounded by four lovely human beings in a cuddle puddle. Handing out double massages. Breakfast delivery with extra buttery croissants. My head in Christian's lap. Eye contact and kisses from above.

Luna is such a gorgeous, gentle and ethereal human being. She has this soothing voice, is so supportive and drove us all home on Sunday. And do I even need to mention her fantastic new green latex dress? I loved learning about her job in Game Design, bonding over our nerdiness.

Making plans for a mystery dinner together - Indian food, costumes and a murder case.

Christian coming over for dinner. Sitting in my kitchen in a bathrobe. Black candles lit. I love how comfortable he feels in my apartment. Watching scenes from controversial movies in bed, realising we both have quite unusual and eclectic taste. Being reminded of old fantasies and habits. Seeing his face light up when he saw a little video clip his son had sent him, telling him he missed him. His excitement when I told him about Björk's Cornucopia Tour. We made rough plans to go there together. Daring to tell him that I'm kinda into him.

Still, again, always, a little morning request to hear Run Away to Mars by Talk. 3, 2, 1 I miss you.

Now I've even started to find tiny glitter stars on my apartment floor. This one probably came from Christian's facial glitter? It's magic.

Remnants of summer: Yellow dahlias and a bush still full of ripe raspberries in the neighbours' garden. An older couple making out on the subway like teenagers - holding each other's faces, eyegazing.

An insight I had about gender-aware language (that it might actually emphasize inequalities and differences) in a discussion with Raphael.

An easy-breezy lyrics round at Pub Quiz. Slapping Dennis (with his consent). Being reminded of I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith.

I've been listening to so much more music lately: Björk - Venus as a Boy / Billie Bird - La Nuit / Villagers - Courage / Danit - Cuatro Vientos

Beautiful spheric wall art on my daily bike route. A woodpecker crossing my path in flight. The effect I seem to have on women these days. Peculiar.

Forest & Shore Thrive Hair Oil.

Subtle flirting with my colleagues.

A substitute lesson with the 9th-graders. We practiced some Speeddating! I had so much fun with the older kids. I'm a little sad about only teaching years 5+6 at the moment.

My first Joy of Connection event - ecstatic dance turns cuddle puddle. I loved Stefan's music and touches and was surprised and happy that Katharina and David showed up. Lovely vibes, massages, first attempts at contact improv. An Indian girl developed a crush on me.

A cute date with Atabak. He brought me dark sea salt chocolate! I love talking about language, culture and art with him. He's super gentle but intense and calls me cute one.

Meeting Benni and Steffy for dinner at Giorgia. What a great evening. Benni got me to different spheres again and I loved the stories they shared. We took selfies in the mirrored toilet together and made plans to meet again soon!

A very chill and calming breathwork session at Yoga Garden.

Following an impulse to drive to Augsburg for the Kinky Amore Party. Meeting lovely burners. Grounding C. through a trip. Letting him cut my duct tape outfit off me. Walking through the empty streets together in the early morning. Driving back to Munich during sunrise. Holding hands on the gear stick. Kinky bathroom session. Closing the blinds, spending the rest of Saturday in darkness. Talking for hours. Massages. Getting up close to midnight to eat potatoes and cauliflower. Falling asleep again. Cataloguing all my old maps and charts in the morning. My pillow smelled of him.

A long walk through the forest on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I immediately felt calmer upon entering the woods. The smell was enticing. I found hazelnuts, took a lot of gorgeous photos. Then I put on the inline skates I had with me in my backpack and skated back to my bike. I was honestly surprised that it went quite well!

Meeting Max and Lena. Interesting conversation and playtime. She was super cute, I loved touching her.

Biting into a crisp, buttery croissant.

My connection with Fox. Mutual understanding, inspiration, playfulness.

Walking to school in the morning. I Do the Rock on my headphones. A sudden whiff of sugar and cinnamon, reminding me of my grandma and, weirdly, the bakery at Niederbayernschau.

The life is juicy feeling. Delicious moments and experiences. Feeling like I've leveled up, vibrating on a higher frequency. Manifesting what's to come. Love, safety, adventure, creativity, stepping into my power.

Someone in my yoga class told me how fascinating and beautiful she found my hip rotation. She said she wanted to stop her own Asana and marvel at my flexibility.

The moment I realized I wasn't wearing any make-up (and didn't have to wash my face).

Finally finishing the Playspace Bingo.

Fancy shopping at Muji. I got crisps with old French cheese and a huge sandalwood candle.

Meeting David at work. I love him so much.

Visiting Robert's new apartment. Snacks on the balcony. Seeing Sandra together. Kebabs on a park bench. Train and bus and car ride. He's super touchy and cuddly!

The madness that was Hamburn. Chaotic, stressful, vibrant, pulsating. Wow. Here are a few film stills that live in my head rent free: the long drives with my dudes (Frank, Robert and Uli but on the way back Celia came with us) - Robert and I were such a good team; driving, cuddling, massaging and supporting each other, great conversation and DJ-ing / a moment with Uli on the bar floor, almost kissing after dinner, and an honest conversation about his cancer journey; giving him an exciting challenge for his free bingo space, witnessing how much he was into it; and sharing his apple lollipop / talking to Idan (who still intimidates and confuses me) and Alma (I'm not sure how that immediate level of conversational depth came to be but I went along with it) / dancing with Robert to Oops I Did it Again and seeing him match my energy on the actual dancefloor; going absolutely bananas (Fusili!) / roleplaying our way through the admission procedure: drawing numbers, going along with the tasks and challenges, reading a fantastic story about wolverines, filling out a crazy form and putting Robert on a leash - conveniently, I had a washing line in my bag / lying on the lower bunk bed in the Play-Playroom with Robert, Koali and Ole; reading picture books to each other; toys and candy, vibrating walls / witnessing a very strange scene when the hypnosis duo came in with one of their many victims and Undine said that none of that had ever happened... / walking through the forest, alone, in the middle of the night / taking turns drawing a scene with Robert in the Expresso Tipi, getting buffed / a great conversation about self development with Celia and Josef (who are both coaches) in the welfare room; the two woman doctors who came in just to hang out with me, eat snacks and listen to Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield / exchanging long, sensual massages on an actual massage bench with R. / taking a Lindy Hop class, being lead, slowly getting the hang of it (muscle memory), fighting over Robert and then with him, landing on his face (contact improv) / early morning sauna and quick swims in the ice cold lake / receiving hard slap shots from Jo in drag / recording "podcast" episodes about how much we missed Sandra - receiving her hilarious replies / getting dressed up for the 80s party, taking cute photos / going all kitty on Nas, propositioning him to play because he doesn't speak my native language (bingo task) / seeing Marta dance with a crystal ball player - their interaction was magnetic, she kept following the ball with her gaze and movements / walking out of a door, a flock of people at the bottom of the stairs; playing queen, waving to my people - everybody immediately played along //

[bahamutgames]

AFTERTHOUGHTS - ROUNDUP ROUND 6

August 2023

Happy September!! My birthday is so close I can almost taste it! I'm trying to get a lot of things off of my to-do list early into the month so I can have less to worry about as the month goes on. And one of those things is to talk about the games I played in August! There's a lot to go over so let's get to it!

F-ZERO GX (July 25, 2003) - Gamecube

I was in a HUGE F-ZERO mood last month! And when the F-ZERO mood overtakes you, you have no choice but to indulge it. So I did! And decided to play through all the tracks of a few F-ZERO games I've never beaten before. Starting with GX!

GX for anyone who doesn't know, is probably the best F-ZERO ever. For me it's between this and GP Legends on GBA but even though I might prefer GPL for sentimental reasons, GX is kinda no questions the best feeling to play. It feels amazing, lets you do some stupid stuff to get around the track, has TONS of content, really nice graphics, and a killer OST! Pretty much everything about it is some of the best the series has to offer. This time around I really found myself liking everyone's designs a lot more too, which before I wasn't super crazy about. Tracks are fun and chaotic, there's not much more to say. It's damn good F-ZERO.

I also beat Story Mode this time! Actually beat it! I played through all 9 chapters! And I beat them all legit except for 7 + 8 which I had to use cheats for infinite health and save scumming because... GOD DAMNED!! But all the others I did manage to do! Honestly while I'm SUPER glad this game has a story mode I'm not super crazy about it. The cutscenes are kinda not that amazing, the voice acting isn't amazing, and the plot is cool with the light and dark belts but it's so short it doesn't make a huge impact. And a lot of the missions are just total pains in the ass to finish. Except I did think the final boss being god, so you fight against the Staff Ghost. But other than that story mode really could use a new game to make it way better. For example I think GPL does it WAY better but it's using plots and concepts from the anime so of course that one's better.

Other than da bullshit (tm). F-ZERO GX still rules! Glad I finally went through and played everything in it. My dream is to one day get to play AX if I'm ever so blessed!

F-ZERO CLIMAX (October 21, 2004) - Gameboy Advance

Next up is F-ZERO CLIMAX! The 3rd GBA F-ZERO overall and as of right now the final game in the series! It's also pretty good! Not as good as GP Legend but it's alright for sure! I didn't like the gameplay as much (though I think this is actually due to emulator troubles) and the tracks as much. BUT, there's SO many characters in this game it's absolutely nuts!! I was actually blown away by how many racers they were able to fit onto the GBA lol. The other unlockables kinda suck though. You unlock racer profiles which are neat, and episode plots from the anime which is... Uh... I'd rather watch the anime lol.

And the main new thing in this is Battle Mode I think? It's basically a challenge more but it's also just kinda boring. Most of the missions are too easy, some have CPUS that are too brutal. But one that blew me out of the water was there's a mission where you HAVE to brake, but the default control scheme has NO BRAKE BUTTON!! So you have to quit the whole mode when you find out, change your controls, go back to the start of the mode, and THEN you can win. Really stupid.

While the game isn't the best by a long shot. It still looks good and has great music. Relistening to the OST I was really into the Port City song for this game was really good! I love the GBA and these are some of the only 3D GBA games I like the look of.

F-ZERO MAXIMUM VELOCITY (March 21, 2001) - Gameboy Advance

Next up, here's the first GBA F-ZERO game! And it's uh... It's a doozy. To put it nicely, this game sucks. It's got all new characters and is meant to be a "next generation" F-ZERO game. Which sounds neat, but very few of the characters are memorable and there's NO aliens!! That's been a staple since the first F-ZERO! How did they mess it up? Graphics are also kinda ugly, I don't remember the tracks being super exciting, and the gameplay just is NOT good. It plays like the SNES F-ZERO which sounds fine, especially because this one came out before GX. But it actually did launch AFTER X on N64. So think the game could've been a LITTLE bit better in the gameplay department.

I do think it has some interesting new planets though. Like the swamp is neat, there's a frozen ocean on Mars if I recall correctly? That's cool. Some neat planet ideas I wouldn't mind seeing a come back.

But overall, yeah I don't have much to say. Kind of a dull game and not an amazing F-ZERO by any means. Easily the worst of the ones I've played.

Street Fighter Alpha Trilogy (June 5, 1995/February 27, 1996/June 29, 1998) - Playstation 3

Recently I hooked up the PS3 for my sister and realized that my brother (big family lol) had all 3 Street Fighter Alpha games on it. And lately with Street Fighter Lore videos from ClementJ64 and Thorgi and with how good SF6 looks I've been finding myself getting more and more interested in the series. So I decided to give em a spin. I chose to play as Sagat cause his story of being so consumed by winning it made him evil, and then going through a small redemption arc sounded really cool to me and ultimately I think I really like him! My favorite SF characters are Juri and Laura but obviously she was made WAY later, and while Cammy and Mika (some of my other favorites) are in SFA3, by that point I was so used to Sagat so I just stuck with him.

Alpha 1 is cool, and 3 has a bunch of neat stuff. But 2 is absolutely the best imo. It felt the best to play and didn't feel a little muddied with all the different styles of combat (though I could NOT get custom combos to work in any of them. Oh well.) But overall this series looks SO good, has good music, and feels nice to play! I know people talk about how this is when SF went Anime and I LOVE IT, this is how SF should look the sprite work is AMAZING! And the menus in 3 are SO SO SOOOO cool! And the stages are AMAZING!! The windmill stage in 3 might be one of my favorite looking stages ever lol.

Overall, I'd say they're all good. But 3 was so needlessly brutal. Like, absolutely disgustingly brutal. I could NOT beat Bison at the end. And I tried a LOT, believe me. But I was getting so mad a muscle in my stomach was tensing up. So I had to quit. I wasn't crazy about 3 overall but that especially killed me. Ah well.

Outside of that though I really enjoyed these games (the PS1 ports of them at least I haven't tried the Arcade ones) and I really wanna try out SF4 again since that's the one that made me realize I like the series, with my newfound knowledge of the games!

An NPC's Odyssey (February 24, 2022) - Nintendo Switch

Next up is a teeny tiny RPG I bought on my switch on sale a LOOOOONG while back but didn't get around to until now. This game was only like, 2-3 hours long so I thought it'd be a perfect small game to play on the side when the TV was occupied! And I had a pretty good time with it! It's a short RPG Maker game where you play as an NPC in an RPG who has his money taken from him by the protagonist, and he sets out on an adventure to find them and get his money back! A cute idea for a meta game!

From there the gameplay is as simple as simple gets. Which isn't exciting, but there's also nothing wrong with it. You just fight monsters and make your way through maps while you progress the plot. The only really interesting thing about the gameplay is that they let you turn off random encounters by using your NPC card which I thought was funny.

Where the game really shines is with the actual teammates. You have the main normal guy, a little girl, a witch, and my personal favorite : a dude who is ALWAYS sleeping. He's so lazy that he won't even put any energy into being awake so he walks and fights while asleep. No spoilers but the plot does have a kind of interesting ending, though I feel like a lot of the story wasn't mind blowing or didn't feel super impactful because it's over so quick. But as a guy ALSO making an RPG Maker RPG I completely understand not wanting to do all that bullshit (tm). I do think the game could have benefitted from having you actually duke it out with the heroes at some point though. I'm also not a fan of how the child keeps calling herself a milf regardless of the plot, but it is funny how basically not a single character takes them seriously or even attempts to agree with her. They all shoot her down every time.

Graphics are nice, I don't remember any of the music, there's a dragon boss fight. Overall it was a pretty good game considering I think I got it for free and it's an incredibly short RPG! I had a good time with it overall!

Virtua Fighter 5 Online (July 12, 2006) - Xbox 360

Next is my very first ever Virtua Fighter game! I don't think I've ever come into contact with a game in this series before? Never seen a cabinet and never even seen another copy of it as far as I can recall. But one day one of my siblings just came home from goodwill with this in tow for me! How sweet! So I figured I had to give it a shot!

It's alright, for starters, I have to bring this up every time. I don't like 3D fighters. So like all other 3D fighters I had no idea what I was doing in this game. I pretty much immediately gravitated towards Vanessa though lol, she's hot so sue me. And I had a simple and easy time going through arcade mode. Nothing mind blowing but it's my first time ever trying the series. I liked that you could customize your character but you get money for it so slowly and you can't really mix and match a lot of the elements sadly. Unlike say, Tekken's costume customization which is so nuts you can even equip weapons with additional attacks.

Aside from that though the game does look GREAT! 360 has ages very well in the graphics department, I'm realizing more and more every day. And this is certainly one of them. I thought the stages looked very nice! And relistening to the OST right now, it kinda rules??? So that's good! I'll certainly try more VF in the future cause I know this series is incredibly important to fans of the genre.

Super Ghouls N' Ghosts (October 4, 1991) - SNES

Hey here's a game from a series I've never touched before. Well, I've been a big fan of the Firebrand games for a long time but I've never given the main series a shot before. But it was on SNES Online so I figured why not? And gave it a shot.

It's fine, I was SUPER into it, mostly just cause there's a lot of BS in it. But with rewinding and save scumming it's not so bad. Really the only truly horrible parts of the game were playing it twice, having you pray you find the goddess bracelet on your second go, don't lose it, and also I thought the final boss was kinda oddly difficult to hit. Game has nice sprites and great music though, as you'd expect for SNES Capcom. Neat game but I still absolutely prefer Demon's Crest haha

After playing this I did try Arthur in MvC3 and I actually loved him a lot in that, he's super fun and I think it's great that he has basically identical jumping mechanics to this game. Idk if I'll try other versions of this game but I am interested in the Maximo games, so who knows.

Lila's Tale and the Hidden Forest (November 10, 2022) - Nintendo Switch

Here's a game I had never heard of before, but I was able to get it for free so... even though I avoid getting indie games on Switch, I couldn't say no to that, and picked it up!

First and foremost, this game looks GREAT! It's got a lovely art style, the level aesthetics look great, the characters are ADORABLE, and also there are alt costumes which is always a 10/10 in my book. It also has a cute plot and a lot of cute ideas that I feel like could work super well for a franchise!

My only issues with the game is that a lot of the mechanics just kinda feel not super well done. Particularly wall jumping was really not working, or jumping on enemies would result on me getting hit. But generally I do think a lot of these issues came from playing on Switch with drift and whatnot. Still, I feel like there's a lot of potential for this if they could make a longer sequel that polished it up! Neat stuff.

Fighter's History (May 27, 1994) - SNES

And from here, we've got lots of NSO stuff to go through! Starting with Fighter's History! Which I had never heard of prior to this getting added to NSO. I played it at the time, but really didn't care for it. So I came back and went through the Arcade as Ray. And I gotta say it's perfectly fine. For a game that (seemingly) is like a Street Fighter 2 clone, it's pretty good! The characters aren't amazing but Ray screaming constantly was genuinely funny (it even has voice clips which I thought was cool!) And it has alright music and stages and graphics. And for an early fighting game (seeming) SF2 clone it really does get a lot right and doesn't make typical mistakes you'd expect to see in something like this. It's clearly of a high quality. Neat.

Magical Drop II (March 21, 1996) - SNES

Next up is Magical Drop! This is a series I actually have some history with! Particularly from playing it on a cabinet at Anime Weekend Atlanta with my sister! It's a game we both like a good bit! But I'd never beaten any of them prior to this. I did The World's arcade mode on Easy and had a great time!

My thoughts on Magical Drop are simple. Fantastic sprites, adorable character designs, cute music, and really fun and interesting spin on the typical connect-4 puzzle style! If you've never played one of these games I highly suggest it! It's a great game with some LOVELY character designs! My favorites are The Star and The World! Particularly The World though cause she's super hot.

SUPER EARTH DEFENSE FORCE (October 25, 1991) - SNES

A classic Shmup I'd never heard of before! Super Earth Defense Force is a super cool game with some really nice music, sprites, and gameplay! The standout thing about it is absolutely just how many weapons are available! At the start of each level you can pick between 8 weapons that all play different and, if I recall correctly, all have different upgrades and sub weapons? Though I may be mixing that up with the other Shmups I played. Regardless, 8 weapons is a lot! My favorite was the Photon if I recall correctly! I had a very good time with this one! Shmups feel like a genre I'll never run out of new things to discover with it!

Wild Guns (August 12, 1994) - SNES

NOW HERE'S A GAME! I've wanted to play this one for YEARS but remember having a really hard time figuring out the controls. I can't understand why cause it's very easy though lol. This is a great 3rd person shmup (I think that's an accurate way to describe it) set in a weird western world all about cowboys and high tech robots! Which is ALWAYS a cool look! The playable characters are both super cool, obviously I chose Annie cause she's a baddie. And I didn't even realize until the game was done but there's actually multiple colors for each character! Her Barbie color scheme rules but she had a Black Dress which looked killer I would have loved to use oh well.

It's got great music, feels wonderful to control, with lots of weapons and different ways to move around like jumping and dodging. With such a limited movement range you'd think this game wouldn't be so fun but it is! I liked this one so much it actually made me really sad it wasn't a Capcom game which means Annie won't be in an MvC game! Capcom vs Natsume when?

Also I totally forgot this got a remake that seems to add a new girl and a dog as playable characters! Lovely! Might have to pick that up when I get the chance. This series should've gotten more entries!

Altered Beast (June 14, 1988) - Sega Genesis

I wasn't sure what to expect from this one... It's a furry Sega game. Sounds neat. It's uh... a beat 'em up? But also a platformer? But not really fully committing to either? Honestly... I was not too into this game lmao! The graphics aren't amazing, it has okay music though and the concept is great! I loved when you turn into a green dragon with electric powers! Can you guess why?

Honestly, I think this game is PERFECTLY suited towards an edgy hack n' slash reboot. I mean, it's a werewolf game. That's so in right now. And it actually got one! I've heard it's garbage but honestly I just FEEL like I will like it better than this one honestly. So I'll have to give it a shot! I feel like there's a lot of potential there.

Cool it had a voice clip in it, I'm always impressed with stuff like that!

Zero Wing (July 1, 1989) - Sega Genesis

Last, but not least. Is the iconic, the unforgettable, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US game. And, hey, this game rules!! Another fantastic Shmup that was hiding away from me until now! This is your typical bullet hell afair but there's some interesting mechanics! There's 3 different weapons, and collecting more of them makes them stronger and stronger which was super cool! I loved the green weapon a lot! BUT more importantly, is that you have a tractor beam! Which allows you to use enemies as meat shields! Sadly this concept isn't used nearly enough imo. I feel like there should have been bosses that REQUIRED you to grab things they throw at you and shoot them back.

The intro is funny but it is actually a intense war story lmao. And it has multiple endings which is neat, but I really was not about to replay the game 3 times to get all endings I'm sad to say. And the Japanese version has like, 27 endings! One for each time you beat it! That's nuts! Other than that though, it was a cool game!