#like lady people use the bathroom after they eat and drink a bunch of water

[simplyghosting]

Went to a house for a meal and later asked to use the bathroom. Walked into the room. Turned on the light.

Smelled like bleach. Okay. No shower curtain. Okay. No…soap. Uh. No…uh… toilet paper…. Just. Non-flushable baby wipes. And an unlined metal waste bin.

I had to wash my hands with shampoo.

[kaalamarii]

Karaoke Headcanons

I left out Barbatos, Simeon, and Luke but I’m pretty proud of this ridiculousness.

Hope you like it, anon!

Lucifer

Absolutely scoffs at the thought of karaoke

Cause he’s a bitch

Who in all the worlds would ever find this fun???

It’s loud

All these songs are abhorrent

ugh , these flashing lights are too much

But these drinks are pretty good.

Like, really good.

Lucifer has a lot of them.

Basically gets white girl wasted.

“I cAn SiNg WaY bEtTeR tHaN yOu CaN, sAtAn...”

MC and his brothers finally talk him into going up

Slurs his way through Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York”

Has a pretty good voice actually. It’s kind of deep and clear (despite the drunkenness) and fits the Sinatra sound perfectly.

He stays up for several songs and tries to fight his brothers when they try to pull him off stage

MC and Diavolo finally convince him to let someone else have a turn

And to get some water.

Wakes up the next morning with a hoarse voice and no recollection of the night until he sees the videos his brothers took

Probably bans them from their phones until he has a chance to delete them all

(he doesn’t know about the ones Diavolo has though)

Mammon

Totally up for karaoke

“Gotta show off my talent”

Steals the bartender’s tips when nobody’s looking

Also steals the bathroom attendant’s tips

And other random stuff he finds

Takes a million photos and videos of drunk Lucifer

Chooses the common songs

“Don’t Stop Believing”

“Living on A Prayer”

“Sweet Caroline” (with his brothers and MC doing the BA-BA-BA!, of course)

Is a decent singer and actually puts on a pretty good show

Probably gets kicked out when they find out he’s the one stealing everybody’s tips

Lucifer makes him go back the next night to work to pay back what he stole

Leviathan

Isn’t super keen on going but is slightly interested because he saw karaoke on an anime once

MC talks him into going

Takes a handheld game with him and plays almost the entire time

Refuses to sing until MC calls him up to do a duet with them

And actually finds it kind of fun

Excited to find a couple of anime theme songs and a bunch of kpop

Gets jealous and sad sacky if MC does duets with anyone else

Poor baby is not a good singer

But he’s trying!

Posts commentary on the night:

“Lolololol lucifer is super drunk”; “Mammon just spilled drinks all over the place. Loser.”; “Satan just totally threw up in here rofl”

Gets angry when a drunken Mammon heckles him and refuses to do anymore songs

Pouts the rest of the night

Secretly downloads the songs he sang with MC and puts on one man shows for Henry in his bedroom

Satan

Also thinks karaoke is dumb

But Lucifer is annoyed with it so Satan’s down to go

Asks MC and Solomon what the most annoying songs to sing are so he can drive Lucifer crazy

“500 Miles”

“MmmBop”

“Achy Breaky Heart”

A very awkward rendition of “My Heart Will Go On”

It’s ridiculous because he doesn’t knows the words

But he’s so determined to give Lucifer a hard time

The drunker he and Lucifer gets the more funny it is to everyone else

They actually end up doing a really sloppy duet of “Bohemian Rhapsody” that astounds everyone

Sings out of tune, but isn’t the worst singer of the bunch

Mammon gets him to sing “Happy” by Pharrell Williams

Satan hates it.

Never admits that he had a lot of fun that night and actually found some new songs that he likes

Gets Achy Breaky Heart stuck in his head for weeks after much to his chagrin

(congratulations, you played yourself)

Asmodeus

Asmo LOVES karaoke

Has a great voice and great stage presence

Gets super dressed up, hair, makeup, heels

Asmo’s a freakin’ star

Sings a lot of cheesy love songs and “dedicates” them to MC

Also sings a lot of sexually charged songs like

“Cherry Pie” by Warrant

And “Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred

Definitely does “Like A Virgin” and “I Touch Myself”

You know he and MC do a “All The Single Ladies” with complete dance moves

Flirts with the bartender to get free drinks

Takes selfies and live streams on Devilgram all night

Beelzebub

Is interested as soon as MC tells him about greasy bar food

But also thinks it sounds like it could be fun

Just wants to eat and be around his favorite people

Likes all kinds of music

Isn’t a big singer but can carry a simple tune

Sings a bunch of random songs that everyone else picks for him

“If You Like Pina Coladas”

“Pour Some Sugar On Me”

Mostly does duets with the others though

MC and Solomon are impressed with how much alcohol Beel can put away before he’s even slightly tipsy

He doesn’t drink or sing much because he’s more interested in the food and watching the cute little shows his friends and family put on

Gets upset when the kitchen runs out of food and throws a bit of tantrum until MC steps in and promises to get him more food once they head home

Belphegor

Doesn’t really want to go but Beel wants him to and so does MC

So he goes

You know this bitch sleeps most of the night

Could be a good singer but doesn’t care enough

Doesn’t really go up on stage to sing unless it’s with Beel or MC

By himself he does a couple of songs, probably something slow like “Hey Jude”

Or something emo like “The Black Parade”

Doesn’t drink, it makes him too sleepy

Rolls his eyes at everything Lucifer and Diavolo say or do

Diavolo

It was Diavolo’s idea to take everyone to karaoke!

Solomon told him about it and he was so excited!

Friends! Music! Drinks! Diavolo couldn’t think of anything more fun!

He asks Solomon and MC’s advice for songs to sing and they pick a few for him

Of course, they troll him

“You should definitely check out this song called ‘Friday’ by Rebecca Black”

“Yeah, it’s really popular in the human world.”

“Also, you and Lucifer should do a duet of Summer Nights from Grease.”

“Make sure Lucifer does Sandy’s parts”

MC makes him a playlist on his D.D.D. and this cutie pie memorizes every song on there.

Makes Barbatos practice with him ahead of time.

Is a great singer, of course

And a very good entertainer.

Wants to stay all night, still singing as the bar is closing up and everyone else is falling asleep.

“We’ll be back next weekend!” (groans from everyone else)

Makes everyone go every weekend for a month and a half until Barbatos has to talk him out of it.

Everyone pulls cash together to get Diavolo a karaoke machine.

It’s one of his prized possessions and they all agree to a karaoke night once every two months.

Diavolo uses it constantly much to Barbatos’ dismay.

MC continues to add songs to his playlist.

Solomon and MC

Sing “What’s New Pussycat” 21 times, with “It’s Not Unusual” after the seventh “What’s New Pussycat”

Masterlist  

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Just found out Grandma has cancer and she's moving in with the hospital bed package I helped put together today at the house.

The lady says she weighs less than 100 pounds and needs an oxygen tank.

This don't even feel real.

I'm helping the lady setup the bed, lifting stuff, and cleaning out the bunch of clothes and junk that nobody uses and it really didn't kick in...

It still hasn't.

My heart Andy hand was shaking as I had to sign the delivery note.

Not even a "Good luck with your Grandma" or "Condolences to you and your family" I told the delivery lady she had cancer and we're talking about it like its a happy topic on the news. She had music to keep her going as she picked up stuff off the truck. I wanted to tell her come back, wait...like are you sure you got the right house?

Like are you sure mom and dad or grandma isn't playing. Cause I haven't seen her in like a month. My clothes and stuff is still at her house in Grand Rapids.

And I don't wanna run into any arms. Like I don't wanna hear nothing but silence for the next 3 or 4hrs.

I'm trembling, shaking, paranoid.

I almost had a panic attack after that lady left. Well let's be real, I did.

But the fact that everybody else in this family is acting like this shit is normal and everybody wants me to behave....I can't say or do shit about it.

Like my room is connected to her room. Imma have to get used to walking past her bed just to use the bathroom. And eat?

I don't even know if I will, cause here's the thing....mom and dad are most likely gonna put me on duty. And last time when I spent a week with her, taking care of her...I was so stressed out, that I didn't even eat.

And cancer did pop in my head as a worst case scenario, because we had no clue what she had and she seemed ok when I got kicked out in March.

She avoided doctors and the hospital for years after her surgeries. I just....

I don't even know if I wanna know what stage she is at. Cause last time I stayed, when we had that argument, she wasn't eating too good, cheeks sunken in, I knew something was wrong. Even her house, her dishes were all piled up with black mould on em from being in the sink of dirty water too long. It felt like we stepped into a resident evil house from that one in the country. Even momma said that's not like her, because old ocd Clara, does not play about cleaning dishes. Soups did her no good and she was only getting down like 2-4 pieces of watermelon that daddy had brought. And her house in the summer is hot as heck, so I'm glad daddy had bought her that air purifying fan. She just did not go to the hospital. She said no for the longest when we offered to take her.

I'm glad she finally said yes.

But I don't know how far along she is. Everything has changed so much in less than a year.

I don't even know if I'll be the same after this. And I got a giant ear and toothache that keeps creeping in when I get too stressed like this.

I pray I stay away from drinking. Cause my hallucinations get worse after drinking...I really need to see a psychiatrist about that.

I just hope mom and dad don't start fussing again at home, it's already tight, mom is still going through alzheimers grief with our other grandma. Like she forgot her name already once. And these two strong black women that I grew up on are near 70. Clara, with cancer 67.

I don't even know what my father feels about this and that's what scares me the most. Cause he's mostly been the type to say he's okay, doing fine or alright if I ask him how he feels, buy he doesn't ever really change unless something super pisses him off...like cars parking too close when there's empty spots, drivers doing wide turns, people walking 8 ppl wide on the sidewalk at an amusement park or public event.

Or if he gets into with momma, but they haven't fought as much since I left in March...

But idk. With those two both on edge, the only time they can talk about emotions in a calm way is when they drink or go out to the bar, eat some wings, and get some drafts going while watching the game.

But that was younger dad, and this is now. Now...I assume he's gonna do a lot more golfing...

Idk how they're gonna manage us helping out.

But I pray I find my own job and apt soon. I wouldn't wanna live in chaos. Nor do I wanna fight about it either with my family, that have been known to push duties on me without really helping or noticing the people pleasing problem I learned from serving them all these years. I've never been allowed to say no to my mother and father. They always get upset with me when I do.

I don't wanna go through this alone, but as God showed me the ppl who really were a bad influence on my life, I don't have many friends to rely on to support me and pour my heart out too. After being hurt even when I dealt with the aftermath of that fight with mom, I found myself alone much more often than I thought. Missing the wrong ppl.

I'm not making that same mistake again. I'm not gonna make that silly mistake and call a guy only for him to take advantage of me sexually. I'm not having sex or making out with anybody unless we're committed to each other and he's already proven he's with me for love and not just sex.

Cause there are nice guys who try to outsmart women who would rather have sex after commitment, only to play them after giving the gf title.

How the fuck did I get to this topic, and I just found out Grandma Clara has cancer and we don't know how long for or what stage she's at?

See how far my mind overthinks in critical situations like this?

Now I'm off to watching Kenny Rogers cause I'm feeling a country craving right after I just cried my tears and helped clean her room, assembled her bed..

Ppl don't usually prepare for having a family member you didn't expect to take care of for cancer, it sorta feels low, because I don't know what to expect when she comes tomorrow...I don't know exactly what's gonna happen, but I pray I get a job close by so I can at least have a place to stay away from my already crazy home, and get moving on goals and dreams.

But I know why I feel so obligated to leave and to stay for grandma in flint...because I don't know what's going to happen to her or to me. And she's been apart of me for such a long time. She used to be the only person who understood me when I would get to sensitive or have depression, separation anxiety, seeing or feeling dead people, reading dreams intuitively together. Me and her was like the grandpa off of Roald Dahl's Willy Wonka story. She was the older version of me, and nobody understood me like her. Everybody else in my family would make fun of me for being like her. Whenever mom thought I did something that reminded her of Clara, she'd called me by her first name "Clara." Cause she raised me awhile when dad and sometimes mom went to work. Daddy at football games in college, but I think he had to drop out after me....I kinda thought back and thought I was a burden as the reason why they always seemed to overwork me so young as the oldest. Put a smile on your face and go to your room to cry. Kinda like cinderella. Well grandma Clara said it....she always worried about that when she visited.

Her personality was similar to how Ms. Lisa was on Sister Sister. Ms. Talkative, except her favorite color was purple 💜 and she always had an ego, and intuitive perspective on alot of things. She could see things as if she knew what was gonna happen next, like predicting a chess move. Very determined, independent, she hates being wrong, and she'll bark her mouth off if you tried to debate with her. She liked dressing up and going out. But when she's frugal, she'll cook something at the house. Oh, and she loved sweets. And she loved to talk.

I mean lots. I would say our usual was 2hrs, but that was so long ago. I definitely feel the change settling in. Only time will tell.

[beardedniall]

Chasing

Author’s note: I’m sure I’m not the only one writing about this scenario but I had to have my go at it. This is based on Nice To Meet Ya and everything Niall has said about it so far. Club hopping, finding and losing each other at each one, the saucy stuff eventually. Big thanks to @undertheniall for basically outlining the whole plot with me. Love you!!

Words: 5k (rip)

Warnings: NSFW, drinking, a bad pick up line, unsafe sex

-

“Four Gin Tonics, please”, Alicia shouted at the barkeeper while she held up four fingers so he would definitely understand what she wanted.

Your eyes roamed through the club. It was well patronised but not too full. While you were looking for the spot where the other half of your group of friends was waiting for you and the drinks, you felt something on your arm. 

“Careful there.”

The voice came from behind you and the person who it belonged to had grabbed your elbow to stop it from knocking over a bottle on the bar. You turned around only to be met with a set of stunning blue eyes and a charming grin.

“Oh uh, thank you”, you laughed nervously, “I’m a bit clumsy sometimes.”

“I’m Niall.”

He let go of your arm and offered you his hand to shake it.

“Y/N.”

“Mind if I’d get ya a drink?”

You hesitated for a second. Alicia already ordered for you and you didn’t want to leave her alone with four Gin Tonics to carry. But you also didn’t want to reject his offer. Before you knew it, a “Yeah, sure” left your lips with a smile on your face. Alicia would understand.

“What do you drink, love?”

“Gin Tonic?”

“Gotcha.”

While Niall was distracted with getting the barkeeper’s attention, you quickly turned around to your best friend who was already trying to get all the glasses in her hands.

“It’s alright Y/N, I can see you’re occupied”, she giggled, “He’s really fucking handsome.”

“I know right? You’re the best, thank you.”

She gave you a big grin and accepted the smooch you placed on her cheek before she made her way through the crowd with the bunch of drinks between her hands. You gave your attention back to Niall who was now ordering and handing a bill to the barkeeper.

“Thank you”, you said to him a few moments later when he handed you your glass and clicked it with his beer bottle

“Wanna get to a corner that’s more quiet?”

He leaned in closer than necessary to ask you that question. The music was loud and it was quite packed around you but you could understand each other rather well face to face. Still, his breath hitting your neck sent a flash down your spine. All you could do was nod as an answer before you wrapped your free hand around his biceps and followed him to an empty space next to the bar.

“Are you here alone?”, you wanted to know, half expecting him to say yes because the way he approached you practically screamed that he was only here to take someone home with him eventually.

“Nah, I’m with some friends. Actually, I should be getting them their beers but I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“Oh? So you’re the unreliable friend of the group?”

“I got my priorities straight.”

A light blush started to grace your cheeks. You usually weren’t one to be easily impressed by a random dude trying to pick you up at a club but the tone in Niall’s voice sounded so genuinely charming to you that you secretly hoped that you were on the same page here about were this was supposed to lead to. The more you had of your drink, the more intense the flirting between the two of you got. Until something rather inconvenient messed with you.

"Sorry, I gotta use the bathroom real quick. Be right back", you excused yourself while placing your hand on his chest and brushing your fingertips over his torso as you walked away. After you had reached the women’s toilet and taken your place in the line, someone bumped into you and clutched at you, almost dragging you down as they stumbled further into the room.

“Y/N shit I gotta-”

The next thing you heard was your friend Jen throwing up into one of the sinks for the lack of a free bathroom stall. While the women and girls around you gave her a disgusted look, you made a big step towards her and put your hands on her waist to help her stand.

“Oh God Jo, what’s wrong? How did you get drunk so quickly?”

After she had rinsed her mouth with water, she supported herself on the edge of the sink and took a few deep breaths.

“I’m not drunk. I didn’t have a lot to eat today. And to be fair, someone had to drink your Gin Tonic.”

“And that had to be you with an empty stomach?”

She only shrugged her shoulders and gave you a halfhearted smirk.

“Should we call Andrew so he can pick you up?”

“Yeah, that’s for the better I guess. I’m not much use like this.”

“I got you. Stay here and drink some water, yeah? I’ll call him.”

When Jen’s boyfriend was informed and on his way to the club, you brought her outside to be with her until he arrived. While you stood there and listened to the bass roaring through the party inside, you checked the time on your phone, thinking of Niall waiting for you. You hoped that he was a patient one and would still be there when you got back inside. 

In the meantime, Niall was having a look at his watch for what must have been the tenth time in the past two minutes. He was sure the queue to the ladies’ bathroom was long but it had been almost fifteen minutes now and by how hastily you had interrupted your conversation and left, he started to think that maybe you wouldn’t come back at all. A hand on his shoulder ripped him out of his thoughts.

“Hey man, the fuck are you doing here? We’ve been waiting for our beer for ages now”, Willie slurred into his ear.

“Looks like you got it from somewhere though.”

“Yeah but like… I was worried you died on the way to the bar or something.”

“Don’t worry mate, I’m fine. Waiting for a girl I met at the bar actually.”

“Oh? So you got yourself some already, huh? Well don’t let her make ya wait for too long. We’re ‘bout to head to the next club if ya wanna join.” 

“Alright, see ya there in a bit if she doesn’t show up anytime soon.”

Andrew kept his promise of coming as fast as he could because only a few minutes later, he picked up his girlfriend and thanked you for taking care of her.

“Yes, thank you Y/N,” Jen whined before getting into the car.

“Anytime. Let me know when you’re home.”

As soon as they left, you made your way back inside the club and to the other end of the bar where you were hoping Niall was still waiting for you. Luck wasn’t on your side as you looked around from the spot were you had last seen him. You even made quick side trip to the men’s bathroom to see if he was waiting in line there but after not getting lucky there either, you joined your group of friends who were just about to leave as it seemed.

“Y/N, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me handsome guy was a disappointment”, Alicia asked you with pitiful tone in her voice.

“He wasn’t at all”, you sighed and then explained to her what had happened.

“But you collected karma points with this one. C’mon we’re going to the next one. You’ll get distracted there.”

The club across the street was so packed that you were wondering why they still let people in. Thankfully, one of your friends knew the owner so after you had squeezed yourselves through the crowd and to a separated area - you could call it VIP but the people in there usually weren’t that important -, it only took her a few minutes of discussing with the security guy until he opened the cordon for you. While Alicia was looking for an empty booth for you to sit, you scanned the area for familiar faces. And unfortunately, you made a find. Niall was leaning against the backrest of one of the couches while talking to a beautiful tall blonde. When he caught a glimpse at you, he stopped for a second before looking away again.

“Hey c’mere, there’s a group leaving”, Alicia shouted while tugging at your arm to make you move to the other end of the area, “What’s wrong?”

You nodded in the general direction of Niall and waited until your best friend caught up on what was going on.

“Oh fuck. Maybe that’s his cousin? And he’d be happy if you said hello again?”

“Yeah sure”, you playfully rolled your eyes and followed her lead to the booth.

What you didn’t notice was the piercing glance that lied on your back from a certain handsome guy from across the room.

An hour later, Alicia was yet again tugging at your arm. This time to let you know that she was tired of all the pretentious people that had nothing better to talk about than which Rolex their daddy was going to buy them next.

“Can we please go somewhere else?”

“Gladly”, you stated. 

You hadn’t seen Niall with the blonde woman again but ever since that encounter, you hadn’t been in the mood for partying so you were hoping a new location would change that. Alicia and you left the rest of the group behind. They wanted to stay and you knew they didn’t like the club you wanted to go to next anyway. It was a bit of a sleazy one compared to the other clubs in this part of the city but they played a lot of good old rock music and other classics from past decades. Since you were there for distraction, the two of you went to the dancefloor right away, headbanging to Dropkick Murphy’s Rose Tattoo within a crowd of mostly students and Gen X people that were still young at heart.

“This is so much more fun than those snobs in the other one”, Alicia gasped half an hour later while you were sneaking your way towards the bar. When you were standing behind her just like you did at the beginning of this night, something - or rather someone - next to the bar caught your eye. Niall kept up the eye contact for a few seconds before a smug grin appeared on his lips and he winked at you.

“I may or may not have a handsome guy emergency.”

“Huh? He’s here?”

“Yes and he winked at me. That’s code for ‘I’m not mad at you for letting me wait for so long, would you please come here’, right?”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s what it stands for”, Alicia giggled, “Well go then. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay if I don’t come back, please let me know when you got home safely, yeah? And don’t you dare walk this time.”

“I’m grown, Y/N, I’ll be fine. You let me know if handsome guy’s legit or if you need help getting rid of him.”

“Love you, talk to you tomorrow”, you said goodbye to her before kissing her cheek and making your way over to Niall.

“We keep bumping into each other, huh?”

The tone in your voice was supposed to sound as casual as possible but you were afraid he saw right through you. 

“We wouldn’t if you hadn’t leave me hanging the first time.”

“Well yeah… sorry about that actually. I know this is gonna sound like a very lame excuse but my friend was puking her guts out at the bathroom and I took care of her until her boyfriend came to pick her up. And when I got back to our spot, you were gone. Understandably.”

“It does sound like a lame excuse, not gonna lie. But you’re here, aren’t ya? So you’re either very desperate and changed your mind or you’re telling the truth.”

“Or I’m very desperate and telling the truth?”, you suggested with a grin, making him laugh.

“Well lucky me then. You look like you could use a drink?”

“Oh God yes, I’m so thirsty.”

“You better still be here when I come back”, he joked as he left you behind to get the two of your something at the bar.

“Promise.”

While he was gone, you wanted to check your phone but noticed that the network of your wireless carrier was pretty much dead here. A few minutes later, Niall came back with a beer and another Gin Tonic for you in his hands.

“Thank you”, you grinned at him and clicked your glass with his bottle, “I’m glad I ran into you again.”

The smile he gave you was genuine and probably the softest one you had seen from him so far.

“So am I, love.”

“Do you know the Champions League results from tonight? I don’t have a signal.”

He raised an eyebrow as he fumbled for his phone in his pocket to check if he had any luck.

“Football girl, are ya?”

“I am. Why? Are you one of those guys that think women are only into football to impress men?”

“Not at all, darling. Love me a woman who’s into watching sports. Which team?”

While he scrolled through the app on his phone, you took a step closer to him and put your hand on his arm to sneak a peek.

“Liverpool... what about you? Oh man 0-0? Well at least Munich didn’t score an away goal.”

“Derby first and foremost but Chelsea in the Premier League.”

“Hm, you don’t have anything to do with Champions League this season then, huh?”, you stated with a cheeky look on your face before sipping on your drink significantly.

“That’s rude, Y/N. They’ll get there again.”

“Hmhm, sure.”

He gave you an amused side-eye before putting his phone back and giving his full attention to you.

“I feel like I should change the topic”, you pretended to think aloud, “What brought you here from the comfort of that nice little VIP area anyway?”

“Saw you leaving and might have followed you. Not to be creepy.”

“So you usually wouldn’t come here?”

“No I would. I really like his one so I’m glad you forced me to go here.”

“I didn’t force you to do anything. You’re stalking me”, you declared playfully enraged, “Wait… were you watching us dancing?”

“That really makes me sound like a creep, huh? I mean… I wasn’t staring at you. But I checked if you were still there every now and then.”

“You like the chase?”

“I like you... based on the conversation we had earlier. And I like a challenge, yes.”

You smirked at him before you emptied your drink.

“Would you trust me to use the bathroom again? I swear I’ll get back to you. Even if I have to drag a puking friend over here.”

“Very flattering. I’ll wait, darling.”

Even though you were pretty sure that no one would interrupt you and even if, that Niall would have a little more patience this time, you hurried to get to the restroom and get back to where you left him. He had his back facing you so once you stood right behind him you placed your palms on his shoulder blades and let them move upwards to his neck, causing him to throw back his head and chuckle. After you had let go of him, he turned around to look at you.

“Glad it’s you. That would’ve been awkward if it had been someone else.”

You giggled and took the empty beer bottle out of his hand.

“My turn to get us something to drink.”

“I’ll come with you.”

The area around the bar was a little more crowded so it took you some time to squeeze through all the people, one of Niall’s hands constantly on your waist, until you had reached the barkeeper to order two beers. A man who looked like he had already been riding a Harley Davidson way before you were born offered you his barstool to sit on.

“Oh thanks.”

Niall was still right behind you and now leaned forward to support himself by putting a hand on the bar, basically trapping you between the wood and his body. And you couldn’t say that you minded.

“So here you drink beer instead of Gin Tonic?”, he asked you with a smirk on his face, as if he was making a little fun of you.

“I do, I just don’t like to start my night with it.”

“You’d rather end it with beer?”

“So to say.”

“There’s a lot of it where I live. If you wanna end the night there.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from bursting out into laughter.

“Was that supposed to be smooth?”

“Yeah I knew it was awful the moment I said it.”

“I can get over it if you bring me to that place where all the beer is.”

“So it works?”

“You work, not your bad pick up lines.”

“Wanna get outta here right now?”

You nodded as you took a sip from your full bottle before you put it on the bar and took his hand to let him lead you through the crowd and out of the club. Once outside, he called an Uber and pulled you closer to him for the time being.

“You cold?”, he asked you while stroking your arm.

“I’m a big girl, it’s fine.”

His hand wandered from your shoulder over your neck to your cheek where he gently pushed your head towards him to place a kiss on your temple. The Uber didn’t take long to arrive and as you closed the car door, an euphoric feeling of excitement rushed through your body. This night had been rather chaotic and now you were really on your way to this guy’s place, hopefully not only to drink beer. That reminded you of texting Alicia quickly.

Leaving with handsome guy now ;) xx

Throughout the whole ride, Niall’s fingers had brushed over your thigh. He had kept it lowkey so far but you had a feeling that once you were at his home, the tension between the two of you would take care of that. You were a bit stunned when you saw where the driver was stopping but then again, Niall already smelled rich. You had thought that he wouldn’t bring you to a greasy shared student flat but this was a lot more than you would have expected. As soon as the door fell shut behind you, he grabbed your waist and pulled you against his chest before leaning down to place little kisses all over the nape of your neck.

“I think the beer can wait if ya don’t mind?”

Instead of giving him an answer, you turned in his embrace and involved him in a deep kiss. Your lips found a rhythm right away. It wasn’t as hungry as you would have thought, rather slow and soft, almost careful. You let your hand wander from his chest up to his neck before running your fingers through his hair. A slight layer of hair products covered your fingertips but his little sighs every time you tugged on one of his strands sounded too good to be bothered by that. He leaned into the kiss, his hands roaming from the small of your back down to your butt where he let them rest. Yours in the meantime were sliding down his neck again and over his collarbones.

“Can I take this off?”, you asked with a fake innocence in your voice as you played with the collar of his shirt.

“Let’s get this to the bedroom, shall we?”

It wasn’t a question. He let go of you only to guide you to said room where he closed the door behind him and kicked off his shoes, but not without placing his lips on yours again. You slipped out of your high heels, making you a few centimeters shorter all of a sudden which made both of you chuckle as you interrupted your kiss. Niall pressed his body against yours again and took a step forward to indicate to you that he wanted you on his bed. When the back of your knees hit the edge, you let yourself fall down with him right on top of you. He stood up a moment later however to open the remaining buttons of his shirt before throwing it on the armchair behind him. You watched him from your position on the bed and moved around a little while your fingers fumbled with the zipper of your pants.

“Let me take care of that, darling.”

Niall crawled on top of you again, kissing you passionately and opening your pants slowly so you could wiggle out of them eventually. 

“You smell amazing”, he whispered as he buried his face in your neck and took a deep breath.

You leaned into his touch and brushed the tip of your nose over his ear while running your fingers through his hair again.

“Gonna get you out of this, yeah?”

It certainly did something to you that he asked for permission to take off your longsleeve even though you were already in his bed, making out half naked. You lifted your arms to help him as he sneaked his fingers underneath your shirt only to let them wander up the skin of your stomach, dragging the fabric with them. His touch was followed by small kisses that he placed all over your torso as he undressed you painfully slowly. When the hem of the shirt had reached your chest, his fingertips brushed over the sides of your bra while his lips caressed the valley in the center. He carefully nibbled at the swell of your breasts before finally pulling the shirt over your head and giving you another gentle kiss.

His palms stroked over your lace-clad boobs, making you bend your back into a curve so you could press into his touch. He got the hint and sneaked his fingers under your body to fumble with the clasp of your bra. After he had opened it, he slid the straps down your arms and got back up again, taking in the sight of your naked body beneath him.

“Ya stunning”, he stated with genuine awe in his eyes that made you blush.

“Can’t have you getting stunned now.”

Your response made him chuckle before he stood up from the bed to take off his pants.

“Would ya lie down properly for me, love?”

You sat up and crawled over the bed until you were right in the middle of it where you laid back down, letting your fingertips wander over your own torso as you watched him get undressed. After being left in only his boxer briefs - that already showed off a nice bulge -, he joined you on the bed, positioning himself between your ankles that he meaningfully spread apart. He bend down to lie between your calves, his hands wrapping around your legs to pull your center a bit closer to his face. His lips brushed over the inside of your thighs, kissing you there, nibbling at the sensitive skin, probably leaving a mark for the next morning. When his nose nudged against the hem of your panties, you knew what was going to happen next. He got back on his knees and hooked his fingers under the waistband to dragged them down your thighs slowly, over your knees and off eventually. While he got into his former position, he turned his head to the side to kiss your leg until he reached the inside of your thigh again and lied on his stomach.

Niall leaned forward to place an open mouthed kiss on your pussy. A blissful sigh left your lips as you stretched yourself and put your arms behind your head, closing your eyes and enjoying what this beautiful man between your legs did to you. His lips caressed your slit, teasing you because they were careful to not touch your most sensitive spot yet. Instead, they wandered to the part where your thighs met your hips, leaving a few kisses there before getting back to the center. 

The tip of his tongue sneaked between your folds and went from your entrance to the top, nudging against your clit, causing you to whimper quietly. He closed his lips around the little bundle of nerves and sucked on it. A flash started right at that spot and ran through your whole body, covering your skin in goosebumps. You could feel yourself getting wetter while Niall kept eating you out as if he had waited all night for this. He used two of his fingers to spread your lips so he could properly lick his way up and down your pussy. His other hand teased your entrance, a fingertip dipping inside of you to the first knuckle, only to draw back again.

“Niall… please.”

He looked up where his gaze met your flushed cheeks and closed eyes, an expression of pleasure and desperation on your face. Instead of giving you want you wanted, he let go of you with both his mouth and his fingers, leaving you high and dry beneath him as he sat up on his knees. You opened your eyes, giving him a pleading look but all you got in return was a smug smirk.

“Don’t worry, love. I got you”, he let you know before he took off his boxer briefs and got further between your legs. While you let your eyes wander up and down his body, biting your lip in anticipation of what was to come, he wrapped his hand around one of your calves and lifted your leg slightly to have better access.

“Are ya on birth control?”

You nodded in response before you added, “Please…”

“Please what, darling?”

“Fuck me, please.”

When he had asked, he had been expecting you to say something along the lines of “Need you” or “Want you inside me” but those words out of your mouth made his cock twitch. For a quick second, he thought about teasing you a little longer but that would only be teasing himself as well.

He wanted you. Bad.

As he bent down, one of his arms supported him while the other one pulled you towards his center before he guided his cock between your folds. You wrapped your leg around his hips and sighed in pleasure from the delicious feeling of him filling you. 

“Fuck, you feel incredible.”

His voice was hoarse and you could hear how he was trying to hold himself back and not fuck you senseless right away. He gave you time to adjust to his size before he started to move slowly, carefully, as if you were made out of glass.

“Niall”, you whimpered, “Fuck me.”

Again, his dick twitched. Encouraged by your words, he picked up the pace, sliding in and out of you in a strong steady rhythm. The noises you made were filthy. Hungry moans, skin slapping against skin, the wetness of your pussy audible.

“Such a perfect little cunt”, Niall gasped before using his free hand to slip between your bodies and play with your clit.

You lifted your arms and reached out for him, making him bend down to let you place your palms on his back and involve him in a passionate kiss. He kissed you just as deeply as he fucked you, moving with you in perfect sync as you felt the familiar knot building up in your lower stomach.

“‘m close”, you

His mouth had brought you pretty far already and you had secretly hoped that he would make you come like that. But you then realized that Niall was a tease, that he wasn’t one to give you what you wanted but something better. Your words seemed to motivate him to bring you where you needed to be. He hit you deep, the force of his thrusts sent shocks of pleasure through your bones. His thumb on your clit was the final straw for you when he perfectly timed both the sensations inside and outside of your pussy.

You clenched around him uncontrollably. Your back left the sheets while the warmth spread in your whole body and made you shiver. His name left your lips a thousand times and your fingernails digging into the skin of his back would leave some marks tomorrow without doubt. While he gently fucked you through your orgasm, his hand stroked your cheek lovingly, adding the blissful feeling of affection to the pleasure you were experiencing. You came down from your high slowly, panting as he kept sliding in and out of you, chasing his own orgasm. Your pussy still twitching around him tipped him over the edge.

“Fucking hell.”

He threw back his head and stayed still as the exciting flashes pierced through his nerves. You could feel his cock throbbing while he spurted his cum inside of you. The look on his face was relaxed, satisfied and in your post-orgasm bliss, he looked like a piece of art above you. A few moments later, he slid out of you, leaving you uncomfortably empty but pleasantly aching, before he collapsed next to you, careful not to crush you. You cuddled into his side and kissed his collarbone, your leg wrapped around his as you listened to his breathing getting back to a normal pattern. He put an arm around you, turned his head and lifted your chin with two fingers to give you a sweet gentle kiss.

“Are ya staying?”, he whispered after letting go of your lips.

“If you don’t want me to leave.”

“I don’t. One time is enough for tonight.”

You buried your face in his neck, smiling as you already imagined how to wake him up in the morning.

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

[volturialice]

Spork Haven chapter 23: salt fucking peter

welcome to spork haven, where I spork the EL James fic you’ve never heard of

previous chapter | next chapter | contents

previously on Spork Haven:

actor!Edward got an outlandish fucking award and became Best Actor!Edward! hotel maid murder witness cello prodigy orphaned ““cajun”” heiress!Bella was his date to the awards show! Ed looked into Emmett’s dark burning eyes and had a Moment! Bella felt dizzy and then went missing! will the Volturi mafia succeed in murdering her? let’s hope so stick around and find out!

warning: this chapter is incredibly long. please check the tags for content warnings—there are a lot! it’s eventful, though, so we’ll give it a pass. but settle in and make yourself comfortable. maybe go get a drink or something. I know I needed a drink after I read this garbage.

chapter 23 opens with Edward attempting to process the fact that Bella has disappeared. he does this in what I have to admit is a pretty seamless fusion of el james’s and stephenie meyer’s trademark styles (negative space here preserved for authenticity):

wow. eat your heart out, New Moon.

once we’ve experienced that bit of totally original typesetting magic, Edward leaps into action! 

just kidding. he’s “totally fucking immobilized.” paralyzed with fear, he “stifles a sob” and toys with whether to “wail, scream, and tear his hair out with impotence”

luckily, he’s very good at giving himself pep talks:

this bracing self-administered kick in the pants unfreezes him, allowing him to summon the mental faculties to go get Emmett.

Emmett clears the ladies’ room and calls for backup. He and Edward search the restroom and are joined by a rando Local security guard as they discover—gasp!—a secret second exit to the bathroom (shoutout to the phoenix airport womens’ room, amirite?) leading into a service tunnel.

the Local security guard informs them that the tunnel leads to an alley, but the alley’s only exit is onto Hollywood Boulevard. you know, the street currently clogged with limos, paparazzi, cameras, and fans. idk about y’all but I’m starting to think this kidnap attempt may have been just a tad poorly conceived. why kidnap her at all? they had ample time to kill her, dump her body in the service tunnel, and make their escape unencumbered.

as Ed, Emmett, and Local race down the service tunnel, Emmett radios for Jasper to go around and cut the Bad Guys off in the alley. Edward is the slowest of the bunch

so he quickly falls behind the other two.

he’s trying to catch up when—wait! what’s that on the ground? something...sparkly?

that’s right: he pauses in chasing after Bella and her kidnapper in order to notice “six thousand dollars’ worth of earring” lying on the ground.

then he stops and picks it up.

now, I know what you’re thinking, guys—is he seriously stopping to pick up a lost earring when Bella’s life is in danger?—but keep in mind, these earrings were twelve thousand dollars. also, Edward loves earrings! they make him horny! what else is he supposed to suck on at Bella’s funeral?

I mean, yeah, if your worst fear was that Bella might lose an earring.

what indeed, Edward. what indeed. 

imagine for a second that you’re Emmett in this fic. you’re a law enforcement professional racing to protect your charge’s life, bellowing into your walkie for backup, preparing to apprehend an armed and dangerous suspect in an area full of innocent civilians...when suddenly, from somewhere far behind you in the dingy gloom of the service tunnel, you hear the sniveling, British-accented voice of the bitchass manchild celebrity who’s tagging along:

“I’vE fOuNd hEr eArRiNg!”

jesus.

still ahead of Eddie boy, Emmett and Local burst out into the alley, guns drawn. Edward hears gunfire and is terrified for Bella as he finally catches up and arrives at the scene.

this is about where erika’s writing gets...incredibly confusing. and not in a POV, “we’re in the character’s head experiencing the chaos with him in real time” way. more like in a “several dozen drunk blind amputees playing Twister” way. this is my cute way of saying “it’s bad” and “I had to read it four times before it began to make sense.”

in the alley, all is chaos. a gun has just gone off

I’m sorry. salt...peter? saltpeter? did someone shoot off a Ye Olde Civil War Musket? I know fuckall about firearms and even I know they phased that shit out in the fucking 1880s.

and while we’re here, fun trivia fact about saltpeter: in Olden Times, people would ingest saltpeter in order to nuke their sex drives. silly Olden Times! if it’s a bonerkiller you’re after, all you have to do is read this fic!

ok, back to the alley. security are cordoning it off, keeping the “fucking jackal” paparazzi at bay (already?)

the LAPD are arriving (already??) 

but perhaps most interestingly,

real quick before we get into whose body it is, why we’re sexually objectifying it, and what it’s oozing, I just wanna draw your attention to the construction of that sentence. the artistry, if you will. below, I have replaced some of the nouns so that we may all appreciate the sheer poetry of the syntax:

“there’s a fucking meatball lying prone on the floor, all covered with cheese, a dark cloud oozing under the meatball.”

sitting a few feet away from the Skirt & Heels Body™ is Jasper, cradling the unconscious Bella. you could be forgiven for thinking that first body (you know, the oozing one) was Bella’s, because that’s what the narration wants you to think. the effect is somehow both enhanced and ruined by the fact that Bella’s actual body is mentioned in the next sentence. erika really tried to have her suspense cake and eat it too, with the result that by the time I finished reading this paragraph, I had absolutely no idea how many bodies there were or who they belonged to, which ones had on a skirt and heels, which ones were oozing, and where.

another excerpt I should probably share is the paragraph where we describe Edward reacting to this tragic pietà.

here’s our text, raw and unedited:

I can’t even begin to list all the ways this paragraph makes me uncomfortable, so I won’t attempt to.

anyway. remember how in the last chapter, there was an incredibly gay bit where Edward looked into Emmett’s dark, burning eyes? fasten your seatbelts because we’re about to blow that bit out of the water.

ｌｕｍｉｎｏｕｓ ｈａｚｅｌ ｅｙｅｓ

filled with

𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒

the next sentence tries to take us back into heterosexual territory with

are we meant to understand that Jasper’s luminous hazel eyes are saying “don’t you just wish it was you getting to cradle Bella’s unconscious, injured body?” yes, that is exactly what we’re meant to understand. this attitude continues as Bella is loaded into an ambulance. at first, Jasper tries to stop Edward from coming, then the paramedic says they can both come but only if they sit on opposite sides of the ambulance like kindergarteners in Time Out.

l o n g i n g l y

the paramedics also checked the other body (you know, the oozing skirt and heels body) and Edward made a startling observation:

though oozing, the mystery person is still alive, and a second ambulance hauls off

and here I was thinking all this story needed to make it complete was some veiled transphobia! what a fun new direction for erika.

once at the hospital, Ed is banished to the waiting room with Emmett, Jasper, and Taylor. the doctors won’t let him see Bella, even when he tells them he’s her fiancé.

hmm. is it just me or is there a movie about this exact scenario?

yep, there are at least two movies about this exact scenario.

after the “fiancé” thing, Edward picks up on some bad vibes from Jasper

interesting. can you feel MY animosity hit you like a brick fucking wall? I guess it’s more of a brick fucking skyscraper at this point.

things we learn at the hospital:

Bella was roofied! so if you voted “poisoned” in the poll, I’m gonna give you this one. congrats on your victory.

Bella is fine now

Jasper shot the mysterious kidnapper in the chest. 

that’s right, Jasper is the cause of all the oozing. well done, Jasper. good luminous hazel eye.

finally, Bella wakes up and asks to see Edward. He goes back to see her 

and

she

dumps his ass.

not for any Sane People reasons, of course. having decided she’s “too dangerous to be around,” she breaks up with him in a scene straight out of New Moon, complete with “eyes full of tortured pain” and dialogue like

“You are too precious to me. Please. Go.”

Edward spends the whole scene in panicked denial, to the point where he’s practically gaslighting Bella, telling her she’s just been through a traumatic ordeal and she can’t possibly mean what she’s saying. 

then he interrupts her mid-breakup 

to fucking propose.

🤣🤣🤣 READ THE ROOM, BUDDY. Bella is resolute for the first time in her doormat life, turns down the proposal, and firmly breaks things off with Edward. he returns her earring (you remember, the six thousand dollar earring we paused in the middle of the climactic chase scene to pick up), “inhales her fragrant hair for the last time,” and leaves.

and with that, the chapter is FINALLY over.

possibility.mp3

best “fucks”

“level fucking head”

“a fucking microsecond”

“fucking sirens”

“loud fucking noises”

“enough fucking damage”

“a soothing fucking balm”

“fucking Hale”

“fucking purgatory” (the hospital waiting room)

“pale as fuck” (bella)

“fucking lifeless” (bella)

“non-believing fucking arse” (edward)

“like a fucking idiot” (edward)

best “shits”

next chapter: fucking blinds and curtains

[royal-shawn]

King Of Aces || badboy!shawn

this GIF, very good

so @justanotherfangurl272 and I were talking about one of my other fics and she brought up that badboy!shawn would be so cocky about sharing a bed with the reader, and that inspired this. Enjoy!

-

Shawn Mendes, The gang leader of the Jokers, a gang sourced in downtown Toronto. 

Downtown Toronto is not only where the Jokers reside, but where I live as well, rent’s cheap, and I carry pepper spray everywhere I go. I’m not afraid of the Jokers and I’m not afraid of their rival gang, The Breed. 

The Breed are far more lethal than the Jokers, their leather jackets and face tattoos not just for show. If there’s ever murder in downtown Toronto, it’s usually a member of The Breed that gets caught. 

My nervousness about The Breed is small, mostly because I’ve gotten drunk at Ricky’s enough that the Jokers really have an eye on me, especially previously mentioned Shawn Mendes. 

I have been driven home by him on a few occasions, and the back of his motorcycle is always a rush, until now. 

Shawn arrived at my door and told me to pack everything I couldn’t live without any explanation. These essentials fit into a little drawstring bag that is currently hanging on my back as we drive through the countryside. 

The chill of the night was creeping up my back, making me shiver every once in a while, Shawn’s leather jacket not combating the chill anymore. 

Despite the cold, the night sky was very pretty, especially now since no light pollution was destroying the twinkling stars in the sky. 

“Are you cold?” Shawn asks, his voice almost lost over the whipping winds.

“Yeah!” I respond, raising my voice so mine doesn’t meet the same fate. 

“I’ll pull into the next motel, I could use some sleep.” He responds, before picking up speed. 

-

We reach a motel in a few minutes, parking and making our way to the front desk. 

“Welcome!” A lady yells before she appears running out of the back room. “Can we get you a room?” 

“One please,” Shawn says, stepping forward. “Preferably two twins.” 

“We don’t have any of those open, at the moment.” The woman responds, flipping through her notebook. “We have plenty of double beds open if that’s okay.” 

“Done and done.” Shawn grins, slapping his card on the desk. 

-

The room was decent, not disgusting but not the cleanest thing I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t bother me, I set my drawstring bag on the chair in the corner, shrugging the jacket off, setting it on the back of the swivel chair on the desk. 

I turn to see a half-naked Shawn standing next to the bed, typing something out on his phone. “I didn’t bring pj’s, I figured I could live without those.” 

Shawn stops abruptly, looking over at me and smirking.

I press my face into my hand. “You know what I mean!” 

He chuckles, pressing the send button on his phone before tossing the white t-shirt he discarded on the floor in my direction. 

I catch it, getting the hint, and going to the bathroom to change. 

In the mirror I see myself, but with windblown tangled hair, and messy makeup. 

I wash the makeup off my face with water before changing into Shawn’s shirt, his scent overpowering mine. 

I move out of the bathroom, Shawn sitting on the bed, staring at the floor, deep in thought. 

“Hey.” I murmur, moving to sit beside him. “Is there a reason we left so suddenly?” 

He nods. “I’m not going to tell you until I get you far enough out of The Breeds’ reach.” 

“Did I anger them?” I ask. “Is there something I did wrong?” 

Shawn shakes his head. “It wasn’t you.” We make eye-contact, a strong silence filling the room. “I’m tired.” 

I nod. “Me too.” 

We both get into bed, another silence settling over us before Shawn speaks up. “Are you nervous?” 

“No?” I answer. 

“I know, sharing a bed with the King of Aces, it’s a pretty big deal. Don’t lose sleep over it, darling, this is not going to be the last time.” 

I roll my eyes, then roll over to face him. “Sure, I’m very nervous.” 

He chuckles, before letting everything fade to silence. 

The thought creeps up from the depths of my brain: ‘Shawn uses a cocky persona when he’s afraid.’ 

It seems accurate. I smile at my intuition before deciding sleep would be a good idea.

-

I wake up to the smell of food and my stomach growls.

As I’m sitting up, it’s apparent that Shawn isn’t next to me, but in the small kitchenette cooking something. 

I get out of bed, moving to investigate. “Good morning, King of Aces.” I murmur, looking over his shoulder, eggs. 

He smirks. “Good morning, Y/N.” He grins, looking over his shoulder at me. “I’m making food, because we didn’t stop yesterday, and you must be starving.” 

“You must be starving too.” I poke his bicep, a small grin spreading over his features. 

“I’m fine.” He nods, looking over at me. “You’re hungrier anyways.” 

“I’m not eating unless you eat with me.” I smile mischievously, leaning against the refrigerator. 

“Set the table, please,” Shawn requests, pointing at a plastic bag on the counter. 

Inside, there’s a pack of paper plates and a bag of plastic cutlery. “I didn’t realize fine china was on this road trip’s schedule.” 

“I’m a little bit loaded.” Shawn’s tongue sticks out from behind his teeth, making his smile ten times cuter. 

I blush at the thought and set the small table in the corner. 

Shawn takes the skillet off of the stove and brings it to the table. 

He serves us up and sits across from me. 

The smell of the fresh eggs lures me in, convincing me to eat them heartily.

After Shawn and I finish eating, we sit in silence, before I pipe up. “I’m in danger, aren’t I?”

Shawn sighs. “Yeah, you are.” 

I exhale, looking at the table. “Am I going to die?” 

Shawn launches out of his seat, kneeling in front of mine. “Look at me, love.”

I turn to look down at Shawn.

He rests his hands on my bare thighs. “You will not die and I promise you that. They’ll have to go through all the Jokers and then me to get to you, and they will not be able to get through all of us.” 

“I’m scared Shawn.” I near-whisper, placing a hand on one of his. 

Shawn grabs the hand on top of mine. “You have no reason to be.” 

I open my mouth to argue but nothing comes out. I feel safe with Shawn and not even death looming over me could change that. 

Shawn’s free hand moves to my neck, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He leans up and nearly presses his lips to mine before a knock at the door interrupts us. 

“Housekeeping!”

-

Today was grey and bleary. Nothing to look at as we rode through the countryside. 

“Where are we going!” I shout. 

He answers quickly. “There’s a group of people in Winnipeg who will shelter us for a bit.” 

“How much longer then?” 

“We’ll get there by sundown I think, then they’ll get us something to eat and drink, a change of clothes, then of course shelter,” Shawn shouts over the whipping wind. 

I squeeze his torso, resting my head on his back. 

“Go to sleep, I’ll wake you when we arrive.” Shawn soothes softly.

We pull into the driveway of a house, which was poorly kept on the outside and looked all-in-all abandoned, besides the lights on inside.

He parks the bike on the sidewalk and we go to the door, where Shawn knocks. 

My hands are shaking as I look around the sketchy house. 

The green peeling door opened to reveal a big man, whose long hair was pulled into a man bun on the top of his head. “Shawn!”

Shawn grins. “Hey Carlos, we’ve come to take up your offer.” 

“This is the girl I presume.” Carlos wonders aloud, looking over at me. 

I lift a hand and wave. 

“This is Y/N.” Shawn introduces.

I hold a shaky hand out for handshake but Carlos wraps his big arms around me.

“A long day of traveling right?” Carlos asks. 

I nod. “Very long.” 

“I’ll let you go to the women, they can help you out.” He pats my shoulder. “I’ll take care of your Shawn.” 

I nod, slipping past Carlos to look for the women. 

A woman walks out of a corridor and sees me. “You must be her!” 

“Yeah.” I nod. “I’m her.” 

She smiles before calling down the corridor again, a few other women come out to see. 

I smile awkwardly as they talk softly amongst themselves in soft tones. 

The first woman ushers me into the corridor before pressing palms to my back and pushing me into a bedroom. 

“This is where you will sleep, would you like help getting cleaned up?” She asks. 

“Could you comb my hair?” I ask.

One of them nods, leaving to find a hairbrush. 

“I will get you a change of clothes.” The oldest-looking one says before leaving also. 

The last, youngest one sits next to me on the bed. “I’m sorry that danger looms above you.” 

“It’s okay, I’m safe now.” 

-

After I’m groomed and I take a shower. I’m left alone in my room, to adjust. 

The rest of the house is near silent, footsteps quieted by the chipping door. 

I open the door of my room to look for Shawn, but he’s already there, poised to knock. 

“Hi.” I breathe, stepping aside to let him in. I close the door behind him and turned to look at him. 

“Hey.” He replies, plopping himself down on the bed. 

“Do you know these people?” I ask. 

“Sort of, they’re always putting out messages to people that might need help.”

“Why? Are you paying them to help us?” 

He shakes his head. “They like to help, which makes sense.” 

“Well, why does it make sense?” 

“They’re nuns and priests who have been ‘fired,’ if that’s the word for it.” He uses his fingers to make air quotes.

“I guess that does make sense, but since they’re a bunch of Catholics, wouldn’t they be bothered that you’re in here?” I ask, moving closer. 

Shawn shrugs. “I didn’t want to sleep in the same room as those guys, nor the girls. They keep one room open for whoever they’re helping.” 

“So I got the room?” I ask, standing before Shawn, looking down at him. 

“Yeah, they set it up like this.” He says. “I’d rather sleep with you than with some guys.” 

I close my eyes as heat rises to my cheeks. “Thanks?” 

“You know what I meant.” He chuckles. 

I move to sit next to him. “So can you tell me what happened with The Breed?”

“I guess,” Shawn says, moving to lay on the bed, his arms folded behind his head. “One of the members of The Breed attacked one of mine, so I did what any logical person would do and vandalized their vehicles and home. I slashed tires and I painted the Jokers on every wall. They retaliated by sending one of my men to me, injured and bleeding. They threatened you, which took things a step too far.” 

“Is he okay?” I ask. “Your member?” 

Shawn nods. “A few cracked ribs, but that was it.” 

“That’s scary.” I breathe. “Why did you take me? Why couldn’t one of the more minor members?” 

“I feel very strongly toward you, Y/N.” He says. “I wouldn’t be able to handle the thought of you being off with another man for so long.” 

“What do you mean by feel strongly?” I ask, folding my arms around my chest.

“Don’t play dumb.” Shawn shakes his head, eyes locked to the ceiling. “You know what I mean.” 

“I know what you mean, but-”

“But what?” He sits up suddenly. “I like you, but you’re out of my league.”

“Shawn.” I start. 

“No.” He moves quickly, closer to me. “You’re are way too good for me.” 

“You don’t get to judge that.” I murmur, touching his face. “That’s not fair.” 

“It’s so fair, I know me best.” He murmurs, reaching up and stroking my face.

“I know me best,” I repeat him. “I can handle you, Shawn, trust me.”

“I trust you but I don’t trust me,” Shawn whispers, his eyes searching mine. 

“I do.” I press my forehead to his. “Shawn, I like you too.” 

“You do?” He asks, surprised. 

“I do, and I’m sick of pining.” 

“I am too.” He sighs. 

“Then stop.” I smile. “I’m right here, kiss me.” 

He grins. “Done and done.” 

He presses his lips to mine, they’re lightly chapped but it makes the longing kiss all the better. 

My hands move effortlessly through his curls, melting to him. His arms were on either side of my face. 

Fireworks erupt through my stomach, making my fingertips tingle. 

The loud unmistakable rev of a motorcycle pulls us away from each other.  

“Stay here,” Shawn mutters, moving toward the door. 

“Shawn,” I whisper. “What’s happening?” 

He swallows. “They’re here.” 

@sillylittlemary @iliveformarvel

Hope you enjoyed :))

[afangirlwashere]

Keep you off my mind (T.H. x reader)

Summary: The only thing that helps you forget about him is also the thing that hurts the people around you the most.

Warnings: IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY DRUGS (weed) PLEASE CONSIDER SKIPPING THIS ONESHOT, weed, swearing, angst, also this didn’t really turn out that long or good it’s just a brain dump for fun, also poor Harrison I’m so sorry bby

Song inspiration:  𝘛𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘓𝘰 - 𝘏𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘴/𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘏𝘪𝘨𝘩 (𝘚𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘋𝘰𝘸𝘯), breakeven - the script (slowed down), ( slowed down ) another love

Masterlist

The house filled with the ringing of the doorbell. 

Again. 

Again. 

And again. 

Someone was eager to get inside.

“(Y/N)?” his eyebrows shot up in surprise when he opened the door seeing the fragile shell of a human she’d become. 

“Yeah, it’s me Harrison, no need to cream your pants.” she tried to push him out of the way to enter his house but he could easily hold her off.

“What are you doing here?” he’d seen this carmine zipper sweatshirt way too many times lately and the fact that she had the hood on to prevent him from seeing her face in detail assured Harrison to stay alert.

“I need another dose.” she whimpered trying to sound as innocent as possible. 

Harrison’s head jerked back inside if anyone heard and then he searched the neighborhood for any annoying old ladies that could possibly hear their conversation. 

He stepped out of the house making sure the door stayed at least 3 inches open “Listen I don’t have any weed on me and even if I did there is no way I’d give you any.” he whispered. 

(Y/N) grinned and stood up on her tippy-toes “See that’s a lie. I know that Zack made a bunch of brownies yesterday and he said they all sold. And guess to who...?” she jabbed her finger in his chest “So don’t be a dick and give me some Hazzy-Haz.” 

Harrison felt a little stab in his heart when (Y/N) almost crawled all over him and bit her lip seductively “See I don’t know what exactly you want from me but you’re getting neither. You need to go home and get some sleep.” His fingers wrapped around her wrists and gently pushed her away. 

“Just one brownie and I swear I’ll leave! You won’t see me at least a week.” there was no way to get out of his grasp when the world seemed to be funnily spinning.

“Look at me.” Harrison hunched so that his face could be right next to her’s “You’re high (Y/N).” he gave her a second to let that sink in “I didn’t buy any brownies from Zack, I don’t have any weed in any form on me and Tom is coming over soon so for both our sakes you need to go home, drink some water maybe try to eat and sleep this away alright? I can drive you if you feel like you’re not going to be able to get home safe by yourself. I’ll just text Tom to wait here for me.“

The frown on her face grew prominent “I don’t need any of that. I need more weed, Harrison! I know you have it you fucker, you and that shithead get high off it each time he comes home just give me one or two and I’ll be gone!” 

Harrison let go of her as if her skin burned him “You’re making a scene. You need to get over yourself. It’s been weeks-what weeks it’s been months since you and Tom broke up! This is pointless and somewhere inside you know I’m damn right.” 

“Fuck you!” she shouted strutting away from the Osterfield household “And fuck him too!” 

Harrison swallowed hard as his head rested on the doorway. Both of his parents stood at the window witnessing what had just happened “That is the third time this week she’s come here to bargain and beg for drugs, Harrison don’t think we didn’t notice. Sweetheart I know you’re kind and you want to help but maybe you’re not the one that can.” he watched as his mother’s hands clasped in her lap “I think the chicken will be done any minute now. I hope Tom is going to be here soon like you said I’d hate to serve him cold food.”

Harrison shut his eyes taking a deep breath. His mother’s heels tapped on the wooden floor while he let his mind travel a few months back when things were much simpler. 

Times when (Y/N) scoffed at anyone who tried to force her any addictive substance, when she was happily sitting on Tom’s lap in a club - Sam and Harry pretending to throw up - times when Tom wasn’t so committed to his work that he wouldn’t have isolated himself from his friends and later even (Y/N). 

Harrison still remembered Tom’s eyes when he opened the front door for him after weeks of not talking to each other. They were cold as he said “It’s over mate. We broke up. For real this time.” 

He half expected Tom to pull finger guns and say it’s a prank. That he’d boast about being an actor who can even fool his best friend. That’s what usually happened. 

But this time was different. He didn’t see Tom cry, break something or be mad about it to the point he screams. He was numb which scared Harrison more than all the things he had seen his friend do before. 

A hand hit his shoulder ripping him away from the memories and thoughts “You did the right thing, Harrison.” his dad tapped his shoulder a few more times before the doorbell rang again. 

“You’re leaving for more Chaos Walking reshoots?” Harrison completely missed any holes on the Skee-Ball machine wasting his last ball.

“Yep. That means bye-bye curls.” Tom swept a hand through his hair and then quickly pulled his hood back up “You lost mate. You’re paying for the next round.” he smirked watching the tickets shoot out of the machine.

“When are you leaving? And for how long?” Harrison stood frozen in place.

“Next week. I’m going to be in Scotland I think for three weeks?” Tom scrunched his nose “Give or take...” he noticed his friend’s piercing blue eyes advert somewhere behind him and widen.

“Um... I want to go play Paperboy.” Harrison took out his phone, quickly scrolling.

The brunet frowned in confusion “You fucking hate Paperboy. The first time I heard you swear was when you played it. Remember? When the grim reaper chased you but the ray of bees-”

Harrison’s eyes kept nervously looking back and forth between his phone and someone in the far back “Or you know what? I’ll get us another round of beers since I lost. Just wait here for me.” he didn’t wait for Tom’s response taking large fast steps to the bar.

Tom watched his tall friend walk up to a girl who sat at a bar stool tapping her foot nervously. Harrison slid on the barstool next to her and Tom couldn’t help but crack a smile seeing his buddy try and flirt with a girl. 

But the more he observed the situation the more confused he got. Harrison wasn‘t smiling charmingly like he did when trying to get a girls phone number or social media and the girl didn‘t seem to even acknowledge his presence.

Her hood was still up and Harrison poked her shoulder. She pulled black earbuds out of her ears. Tom stood silently with arms folded on his chest when Haz started explaining something - obviously fired up - and the girl put back her earbuds.

Why was Harrison even talking to her? Was she a fan that he didn’t notice? Was she taking pictures or videos the whole time? With a quick tug his best mate pulled off her hood and she turned to him, furious.

And then it clicked. Because when she turned around it was (Y/N).

„Hey, hey, hey. Stop moving or I’ll poke your eye out!“ (Y/N) giggled as she sat on Tom’s lap with a make-up remover in one hand and cotton pads in the other „What kind of eyeshadow and glitter did they put on you in the club it doesn’t want to go away.“

„I have no idea…“ Tom slurred putting his head in the crook of (Y/N)‘s neck.

„I just took a shower you’re gonna get it all over me you ass! Stop that!“ she pushes him back up and pulls out another cotton pad. His hair was still a little damp from dancing and partying so his curls kept getting stuck to his forehead. She pushed them away and kissed Tom’s forehead „Now close your eyes for me golden boy.“

„Are you challenging me to kiss you with my eyes closed?“ Tom leaned in with pursed lips. (Y/N) wiped the cotton pad on his lips and he spluttered „Ew, gross. Glitter in my mouth.“

„I told you to stop moving Tom. You’re making the process longer.“ She pushed harder on his temple where she managed to move most of the glitter to.

He was able to stay still for ten seconds. (Y/N) was pretty sure that must have been his record. He started kissing her left cheek and when she stared at him annoyed he started changing between her left and right cheek at rapid speed. (Y/N) couldn’t help herself but smile and eventually even blush because he kept going at it „Okay, okay, I get it.“ She put the remover on their nightstand and held his face to stop him „You want to be a prick.“ She pressed her lips to his.

Tom’s hands immediately slipped to her waist trying to get rid of her shirt „No, no, no.“ She pushed them away „Not today glitter fairy.“

He moaned into the kiss but as fast as he got playful his high passed „‘M tired…“

„Just give me five more minutes and It’ll be done I promise.“ (Y/N) pushed his curls away again.

„Missed you there.“ Tom murmurs.

„Oh really? Hazzy-boy wasn’t fun enough for you?“ a smug smirk spread on her face.

„He was awesome… But I still missed you.“ He took a long tired breath „‘Cause I can dance like a fool with you and you don’t care. And you’re really funny… and pretty… and… and when you drink a lot of bubbly drinks you get the hiccups, you’re so cute when you get the hiccups… I love you.“ Tom whispers.

Tom’s heart swelled when she took a very familiar baggie and stuck it in her pocket. She also stuck out her middle finger at Harrison, shouted something in his face and marched to the women’s bathroom.

When Tom got to the bar Harrison had his head in his hands „Do I want to know?“ Tom asked all the liveliness leaving his voice the moment he recognized (Y/N).

„It’s bad…“ Haz croaks out and wipes his shiny eyes from tears that were threatening to spill „Two weeks ago I got a phone call from an unknown number at three in the morning. It was (Y/N). She was giggling while talking about some seagulls. So I ask her ‚What’s wrong? Why are you calling me at three o‘fucking-clock.‘ She says ‚Oh yeah right, I called you because… I’m at Dover and I don’t know how to get home‘. She was at the fucking Dover Cliffs I had no idea how she got there probably with some of her friends that like to get wasted drunk and high as well and then they think of stupid ideas like this. I had to drive there for almost three hours, then I looked for her another hour on the cliff. Couldn’t find her so I tried calling her, first five times she didn’t pick up. I was going fucking insane I thought she might have fallen off or jumped I-“ he put his fingers to his nose and sniveled „I found her passed out close to the lighthouse early in the morning. Some people helped me to get her in the car and I drove her back to Kingston.“

„Jesus…“ Tom rubbed his eyes „I really didn’t want to know.“ He never thought of all people that (Y/N) could possibly have done something like that.

„I tried talking to her on the ride back.“ Harrison murmured while taking a sip of beer „I didn’t shout at her I just said ‚You’ve been so sad lately. Please let me help you. Just let me in.‘ y’know what she said?“ he looked up at Tom, face covered in blue from led lights and eyes filling with anguish „‘It’s too early for this shit.‘ and then she turned around and fell asleep for the rest of the ride.“

Harrison sipped on his beer once more leaving Tom shaken to the core by what his ex has been up to since their break-up.

„You… Do you know why she’s doing this?“ Tom asked praying for the answer to be anything else than what he thought.

„Isn’t it obvious?“ The blond scoffed as the door to the bathroom opened again and (YN) rushed out of the arcade.

Tom didn’t think twice before he pushed himself off the bar and ran after her ignoring Harrison’s warning „Mate I don’t think that’s a good idea!“

(Y/N) quickly brushed by everyone meanwhile Tom went right through them muttering „Excuse me.“ To try and catch up with her.

„(Y/N)!“ Tom shouted standing on his tiptoes when she leaned into the heavy door and fled the arcade „(Y/N)!“ his voice carried through the night this time and she stopped dead in her tracks.

„What?!“ she snapped at him turning around „What do you want?“

The actor swallowed hard, his brain completely blank on what to say next. There wasn’t any script to follow or lines that he’d forgotten. This was real life and he had to say the right thing because this was his only chance. No reshoots, no patience. Just bottled up feelings and so little courage to open the cap.

„You don’t get to give up.“ He curled his shaking hands into fists so that she couldn’t see how nervous he was.

(Y/N) stares at him and Tom notices how the moon still makes her eyes sparkle like diamonds „Why do you do this to yourself?“ he steps closer.

„You don’t know what it feels like.“ She takes a few steps closer as well „I just want to turn it all off-I can’t stand it anymore.“

„Stand what?“ the lamp flickered a few times when the wind picked up but neither of them broke eye contact.

„What I feel for you terrifies me!“ her voice breaks „Whenever I think about you, it feels like I’m drowning! I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I can’t stop it-nobody can! Only this! This is the only thing that keeps you off my mind.“ she holds a baggie with a bunch of brownies in them.

They look exactly like the ones Tom bought from Zack – the guy that worked at the arcade – today.

„(Y/N) you can’t give up! This doesn’t solve anything.“ He pointed at the baggie „The things you made Harrison go through were nuts he shouldn’t have to do them because I broke up with you! I needed to focus on my career and I thought you would understand eventually – I still hope you will.“

„You were so heartless the last two weeks of our relationship.“ Tears finally tipped from her starry eyes „But I’m still in love with you Tom… You were always the best part of me. And seeing you okay while I’m here falling to pieces really hurts.“ She licked her lips and wiped a few tears away „So if you think I want these more than you? Fuck no! You can fucking take them if that makes you happy you piece of shit!“ she threw the baggie at him.

This time he took a step back, the brownies landed at his feet, his lips quivered as he felt the rage seep out of such a loving person „(Y/N) I didn’t know this would happen… If I knew that-“

„If you knew what?!“ she screamed „That I’m pathetic and I won’t be able to get back from this you wouldn’t break-up with me? Or date me? Go to hell Holland.“ Her head shook in disgust while walking away „Tell Haz I’m sorry about today. And everything before. He’s too much of a good friend for both us…“

Tom’s heart pounded against his chest as he picked up the baggie and watched (Y/N) disappear around the corner „I’m sorry…“

Even though she didn’t know her eyes were not the only ones that would shed tears that night.

[readbeneaththelines]

Just The Person I Need Pt. 8

Kwon JiYong is a Multi Million Dollar business man thrown into parenthood when his brother and sister-in-law die in an accident. leaving A son and daughter behind. Y/N is a nanny that loves what she does. What happens when their lives become intertwined? Will she be Just The Person He Needs?

Characters: Business Man!Kwon JiYong X Nanyy!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 4202

Warnings: none this chapter

After dropping you off, he drove home, a broad smile across his face. He called each store, verifying deliveries of the items he had secretly purchased for you. They were all to be delivered the next day before you were to come over. Once he arrived home, he informed to staff of the deliveries, asking them to ensure they would be set up in your soon-to-be room and ready to go. Sitting on the couch after pouring himself a drink, he called his mother.

“Eomeoni, how are you doing? Have Mi-sun and Se-jun been behaving for you? Good. I was going to let you know the nanny I hired will be coming tomorrow after lunch to meet with them. Do I need to pick them up tonight or tomorrow? Oh, you can bring them tomorrow. Okay. Would you like to meet her too? That’s what I thought. Look at you being so overprotective of us. No, eomeoni, I think it is sweet that you feel that way. May I talk to them please, before they head off to bed? Thank you.”

He talked with them both about all they had been doing the past few days. He cautiously told them about the new young lady that would be coming to live with them to help them all out. They had several questions, to which he explained that they would be meeting you tomorrow. After ‘goodnight’ and ‘see you later’, he hung up. Fatigue rushed over him as he realized he had been going all day. Grabbing a bite to eat, he sat at his desk to answer emails and listen to messages. He would call the important ones back tomorrow and the rest could wait til Monday, he figured, setting the phone down and leaving the office. He changed for bed, noticing the twinge of excitement he was feeling about tomorrow. He drifted off to sleep, visions of a yellow sundress clad woman smiling at him.

The loud chirping of the alarm woke you from a deep sleep. Reaching over you turned it off and laid you head back down, pulling the pillow over your head. A moment later, you bolted upright, remembering your plans for the day. You rushed to the shared bathroom, thankful once again that nobody was occupying it. You washed your hair, lathered up, and savored a few spare minutes to just let the warm water bring you fully awake. Heading back to the room, you thought about what to wear. You opted for some light breezy off-white pants and a sleeveless light green linen top. Braiding your still damp hair, you then applied light blush to your cheeks and pink tinted gloss to your lips. You preferred the natural look over heavily applied make-up. Looking yourself over in the mirror, you were satisfied with your appearance. You stopped in the central kitchen to eat a late breakfast with some other tenants at the hostel. Heading out, you took a second or two to let the sunshine ease your nerves. Climbing in the car, you pulled up the address on the GPS and headed out to meet JiYong and his children.

JiYong was awake before his alarm went off, his nerves getting the best of him instead of sleeping. He hoped that everything went smoothly, that the kids would take kindly to you and would get along well. Heading to the dining room, he greeted the staff as they were beginning their daily routines. He informed them of the meeting that would occur later that day, allowing them to have early leave of their duties after your things had arrived and the room was made ready. Pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, he returned to his office to get some things done before his mother arrived with his niece and nephew. His main office was needing him to come in early Monday to sign some proposals and meet with a few new employees. He agreed to be there first thing Monday, but let them know he would be leaving the office before lunch time. Looking at Eric’s name, he figured he would return that call after everything else today, knowing he didn’t want to be in a bad mood before things even started. 

He turned the shower to it’s strongest stream, hot water causing a thick steam to fill the bathroom. Standing beneath the massaging pressure, his head fell forward, allowing the pounding water to hit his neck. He didn’t realize he was this tense, his anxiety building as he ran over all the possible scenarios that could happen today. After several minutes passed, he shook his head, trying to clear any negative thoughts aside. Stepping out, he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed for his walk-in closet.

Wonder what she will be wearing today? Should I dress casual or more business like? He thought to himself . How could he be getting nervous over what to wear? He had been with you all day yesterday, and you appeared to be the more casual type, recalling the sundress you had worn. He settled on a pair of Khaki pants and a loose fitting button-up shirt. Just as he finished dressing, he heard the main door open and the sounds of kids laughing filled the foyer. He smiled as he hurried down the curved flight of stairs. He really had missed them the past few days.

As he reached the bottom step, a flash of two little bodies ran towards him, their arms securing his waist in tight hugs. His mother stood her place, a kind smile present as she watched them.

“Hey there kiddos! I have missed the buzzing of little ones around here. I take it you missed me?”

“Kinda, but we had tons of fun at halmeoni’s. She took us to the zoo and the park!” Se-jun said hurriedly.

“I missed you Uncle Ji, a whole bunch. But I guess I can admit that halmeoni knows how to have fun, just like you do.” Mi-sun squeezed him tighter as she looked up and gave him a big smile.

“Why don’t we go get changed before Y/N gets here? Can you both look extra spiffy for me today? I have laid some outfits out for you on your beds.” He ushered them up the stairs, giving them a little pat on the back to make them hurry.

“I am glad to see that you are getting someone to help you, Ji. Maybe now I can relax and not worry about the three of you so much.” his mother hugged him as she spoke.

“Eomeoni, you don’t have to worry in the first place about me, but thank you for doing so. I hope this really works out. Did they say anything about it this morning?”

“Just that they wondered about what she would look like and if she was old like me or not.” she said with a laugh.

“I think you will really like her. I have seen her around some of my friends kids, and she was great. Oh, and she is young so she will have plenty of energy to keep up with them.” He returned a smile to his mother, walking with her to the sitting room. A few minutes later, the children returned from changing. Mi-sun had on a dress, which she kept tugging at, while Se-jun had on a short set that still had buttons undone.

“Do I have to wear this stupid dress Uncle Ji? It’s itchy and uncomfortable?” Mi-sun whined as she once again pulled at the hem of her dress and squirmed.

“Yes please, but just for a little bit. Se-jun, let me help you finish buttoning your shirt.” 

JiYong closed the gap between them, his hands outreached to take theirs. They walked together to the sitting room, the children sitting on the couch and his mother standing beside them. 

Not longer after they had settled, the doorbell chimed loudly, echoing through the foyer area. Smiling at the children, he led the way to greet their guest. Sang-hoon was already at the door, greeting you as you entered. Mi-sun squeezed JiYong’s hand firmly as she watched the lady enter.  You smiled at him, then turned your gaze to the little boy and girl at his sides. Smiling broadly, you knelt down to introduce yourself. 

“You must be Mi-sun, you are a very pretty young lady. You sir, must be Se-jun. You are quite a handsome gentleman.” your smile and soft voice quickly put them both at ease, shy smiles present from the compliments you paid them.

 Rising to your feet, you reached your hand out to greet JiYong, telling him that you appreciated yesterday. Turning to the elegant woman standing behind them, you bowed deeply towards his mother as you introduced yourself.

“Miss, you do not need to be so formal with me, but it is nice to see that there are some young people today that still have manners.” She took your hand in her own and patted the back of your hand. Her genial smile relaxed the you immediately. 

“It is very nice to meet you Miss Y/N, you are a very pretty lady.” Mi-sun said before she knew what was coming out of her mouth. She bowed her head slowly, afraid to look you in the eyes. 

“Nice to meet you ma’am.” Se-jun said, his voice small and quiet.

Looking at Mi-sun, you knew exactly how to cheer her up.

“Mi-sun, I see you don’t like dresses either, huh? I used to hate dresses when I was your age. I would rather have shorts and an old T-shirt on and play in the dirt with my cousins. How about you?” You waited for the little girl’s response while holding her little fingers in yours.

“I would rather wear something like that too, Miss, but Uncle Ji wanted me to look pretty for you.” A collective sigh echoed from JiYong and his mother, making your smile broader.

“Tell you what young miss, why don’t you take me to your room and we will shimmy out of that stiff dress and into something good for playing, deal?” you stood and looked at Se-jun.

“And you, young sir, would you like to change into play clothes too?” when their heads nodded vigorously you laughed out loud, garnering a smile from both children.

“If you would excuse us, I think we are going to get these two a little more comfortable, if that is okay with you Mr. Kwon.”

Trying not to chuckle loudly, he nodded in agreement and let them take you by the hand and up the stairs to their rooms.

JiYong looked over at his mother, noticing a quizzical look about her. He stopped himself from laughing louder as he began to speak.

“She really does have a way with bringing them out of their shell, doesn’t she?”

“She sure does. But it was amazing how she turned things around and was respectful of them at the same time. I have a feeling she will work out just fine. You have nothing to worry about son, she will fit right in.” She grabbed his arm and laid her head on his shoulder. She was grateful she would no longer have to be concerned for her son and the children being well cared for.

After much rummaging through closets, you and the children were headed back downstairs. Mi-sun had changed into a cute short set that you said looked adorable on her, while Se-jun chose athletic shorts and a sports shirt. You told him he looked like the next upcoming soccer pro, which made his eyes and face beam with pride. 

Once everyone was back together, everyone sat down for a midday snack. The children asked many questions about yourself. You took the time to listen intently and answer each question that was asked. You, in turn, asked them specific things, taking care not to mention their parents. You learned the Mi-sun loved drawing and painting, something JiYong wasn’t even aware of. You discovered that Se-jun did indeed love soccer and video games. JiYong and his mother watched and listened as the three of you were in your own little world together. There was giggles and feigned sounds of shock, whispers between youthree and then sly smiles, as all eyes looked at him. By the time evening came, it felt like you had been a part of the family for years.

“ Y/N, would you like to stay for dinner? We have plenty and would love to have you join us.” JiYong asked, hoping you would decide to stay.

“Yes, Please stay with us, Please?” both kids begged together.

“Sure, why not. I really didn’t have plans and I am having so much fun with you two!” Your excitement stirred something in JiYong. A feeling long lost to his younger days.

 His mother told them she had to get going, uttering something about getting together with her card group for dinner and cocktails. Honestly, she was relieved to see her family at ease and happy, and she did not want to interfere with bonding time between them. Hugging the kids and her son, she turned to you, pulling you into an embrace.

“Thank you for being willing to help my son. I can see that you will bring joy back to this house and my family. Thank you.” she whispered in your ear. She then walked away, a single, happy tear running down her cheek as she left.

Dinner was delicious, and everyone leaned back in their chairs, stuffed and saited. You stood to help clear the table, but one of the kitchen staff stopped you. You would have to get accustomed to having staff helping too. Instead, JiYong, you, and the kids went outside to enjoy the last little bit of daylight. Grabbing some chalk from a nearby shelving unit, you sat with Mi-sun on the porch and began drawing. When a soccer ball came across, you rose up with Mi-sun and joined in a friendly soccer match. You found herself settling in quickly, enjoying being outside and having fun. It almost seemed natural, as if you had always been with them. 

When the sun had set, JiYong took the kids inside while you carried the drink cups in. After handing them to one of the staff, you stopped at the bottom of the stairs, wondering where everyone was. 

“Y/N, could you come upstairs for a little bit, please?” It was JiYong calling from somewhere upstairs.

“Coming.” you called back, your words echoing in the vast space.

When you reached the last step, you noticed some shadows down the hallway. Making your way slowly, you came to the first bedroom. It was painted a light purple with yellow flowers sprouting up from the baseboards. Mi-sun’s bed was a canopy-covered full size bed. There were toys strewn across the floor and clothes laying scattered everywhere, right beside the hamper. The closet door was propped open, giving sight to a walk-in closet that would make some apartment dwellers jealous. Rows and rows of clothes, and even dress up costumes were hanging on three of the walls. Shoes after shoes lined the floor beneath the clothes. Dressy shoes, then play shoes, and of course costume shoes. Imelda Marcos would be envious. 

As you passed by, you stopped in front of Se-jun’s room. He had a large projection size TV on one wall, below it was four different gaming consoles and at least a few hundred games. Posters of game characters lined the walls along with a few profession soccer players. His walls were blue and white striped with a large blue bed placed along one wall. His closet was just as full as his sister’s, but not nearly as organized. Again clothes and toys were everywhere. From behind, you heard JiYong talking to the kids across the hall. Peeking your head through the door, you had to stifle a giggle. His niece was sitting in the bath with bubbles up to her chin. He was busy getting his nephew’s shower ready. His shirt was unbuttoned, a faint damp area on his back from sweat. Se-jun was spraying shave cream all over the glass wall of the shower, smearing it with both hands. Poor JiYong was having a time of it, trying to get them both ready for bed.

You cleared your throat then stepped inside. What looked like a plea for help shined in his eyes. Taking a step over to him, you simply took the shave cream can from Se-jun, spraying a dollop on his head before ushering him into the shower. Turning your attention to Mi-sun, you grabbed the handheld showerhead and turned it on. Holding it above her head, you told the little girl she was getting a ‘rain bath’. Once she was completely rinsed, you grabbed a towel from JiYong’s hands and dried her off.

“Do you want me to braid your hair after you get dressed for bed?”

“Please, would you do that? I haven’t had my hair braided in so long. Thank you Miss Y/N!” the little girl wrapped her arms around your neck then scooted off to her room. 

Turning back to the shower, you gently knocked on the door.

“Se-jun, rinse the shave cream from off your head and use actual soap to bathe.”

The boy popped his head out with a bewildered look on his face.

“How did you know?”

I have eyes everywhere, remember that, okay. When you are done, get dressed for bed. When you are both ready and it is okay with your uncle, I may read you a book.”

Se-jun’s eyes lit up. He hurried and finished, grabbing the towel from you as he stepped out. Wrapping the large towel around his little frame, he half-ran to his own room to get dressed.

An audible sigh came from behind you, causing you to spin around quickly. You came face to face with JiYong, a look of relief mixed with surprise and awe showed in his face and body.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, a little confused by his expression.

“How do you do that? How did you know just what to do at just the right time? You are a lifesaver, Miss Y/N, an absolute lifesaver.” 

He wiped droplets of sweat from his forehead and leaned against the sink. You chuckled as you patted his shoulder.

“Remember I have been doing this a lot longer than you have. I learned to deal with bathtime fights, refusals to sleep, and non-compliant eaters. This was a cakewalk Mr. Kwon. Nothing about this was hard at all. So, is it okay if I read them a bedtime story?”

Nodding his head, he led you from the bathroom back to his nephew’s room. 

“If you want a book, could you please show me how quickly you can each straighten your room? The winner gets to sit on my lap. And, go!” you set them off, both rushing around to get things picked up from their floors and beds. Mi-sun came back first, jumping up and down since she won the lap privilege. Grabbing a book from a bookshelf, you sat on the floor, your legs crossed to make room for Mi-sun. Se-jun leaned on your lap, his head resting on his hands. You read the story, your voice changing as each character spoke. JiYong watched from the doorway, little yawns escaping the children as heavy eyes began to close. When you finished, he picked the little girl up from your lap and carried her to her bedroom. You tucked the boy in, turning his nightlight on before heading out.

“Miss Y/N? When will you be here for good?” his eyes heavy yet questioning.

“Your uncle and I haven’t decided on that yet. But, it will be soon. Goodnight.”

Stepping out of the door, you bumped into JiYong, who was coming back from the other room.

“Oof, Sorry! We seem to have a habit of running into each other Mr.Kwon.” You looked up at him, his eyes flashing something akin to desire, but before you noticed, it was quickly gone. 

“Please, just call me Ji-yong or even just Ji. Just because you will be working for me doesn’t mean you need to be so formal and use honorifics with me, remember our deal?”

“Agreed, as long as you call me Y/N or Y/N/N, remember? I will try to drop the honorifics, but it will be hard. So Se-jun was wondering when I was going to start. I figured we hadn’t covered that yet, so…”

“How soon can you start? If it were up to me, I would have had you start yesterday, but I know you may want a few days off. What would work for you?”

Well, I have already had a few days off, and it appears like you need the help sooner rather than later,” a stern look from him had you smiling up at him through lashes.

“Okay, seriously, I can start in a day or two if you need me to. I will just need to go to my room and get some stuff.”

“No need. I already have your room ready, let me show you.” He led the way to the end of the hall, opening your door with a grand gesture. The bed was already made, the sheets and comforter the same ones you had admired while shopping. Walking over to the closet, he asked you to open it. Neatly hanging were all the clothes you had looked at yesterday, a basket of toiletries on the floor.

“When did you get all of this? How did you know that I looked at these?”

“When you were walking around, when you picked out something to hold up to yourself, I asked the saleslady to set it aside. When you were leaving the store and I had every excuse to walk away, I was buying these.”

“You shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t be able to pay you back in the next ten years with all of this.”

“Please, consider it a bonus. After today and this evening, you definitely deserve all of this and more. The help you will be providing me and the kids, I could never pay you enough. Now, please accept it with a smile and tell me you can stay here tonight, of course to help out in the morning.” His eyes were begging you, a mock frown setting his expression to pitiful.

“Fine, I will accept them, on one condition. You help me get my things from the hostel tomorrow. Deal?” you returned his puppy dog eyes with your own, smiling when he agreed and shook on it.

You checked both rooms before heading downstairs, each child snuggled under the covers, fast asleep. You followed him to his office, finding a seat on the couch as he poured a drink. He raised his eyebrow, as if to ask if she wanted one too. 

“Is it after work hours yet, or am I still on the clock?”

“Definitely off the clock. Would you like one while I get the contract together. We can review it and make any changes as needed.”

You sat beside each other on the couch, the leather cool against your skin through your clothes. He had provided you with one day off a week for personal time and two weeks vacation time total each year. Every other holiday would be free to spend with family, if you chose. He offered a separate savings account for your earnings if you wanted it. He tried to sneak in clothing allowances twice a year, but you noticed it rather quickly. That would be under one of the amendments, you argued. He just waved it off with the ‘it’s a bonus and you have to accept it’ speech.

Once you finished reviewing and editing it, you had signed on the dotted line. The newest chapter in your life had begun, and you couldn’t be more excited about it. Drinking the last of your drink, you bid him goodnight. He walked you upstairs, heading towards his own room. 

“I have to go to the office for the first half of the day tomorrow. The kids usually wake up around six thirty or seven o’clock. Their breakfast is usually ready by seven thirty. If you need coffee, it is usually ready by six, since I grab a cup before I leave for the office. I should be back around noon. If you have any questions, ask Sang-hoon for my number and call me. Goodnight Y/N, and thank you again for accepting this job and for everything you did today. Like I said, a lifesaver.”

With that, you stepped inside the room, amazed again at all he secretly did to make you feel welcome and at home. You changed into a satin set of pyjamas you had favored at the store, thinking back to how he had paid that much attention to what you were doing. You sunk into the feather down mattress and was asleep before your head even touched the pillows.

@beautifulseoulliar @lynnbyun @astronomyturtle @aspaceformyself  @trashkazuya @maxinaptak @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570

@seoulsunshineandstories @kwonnansi @xjamlessparkx @berryjam17​ @s0228​

[uglypaw]

i'm 6 weeks post op as of yesterday! heres my full diary for the first week post op that i wrote during recovery if anyone wants to know what my experience was. CW: blood, surgery, drugs, unsanitary, self harm. if you have any other questions im happy to answer them!

sorry for how long this is lol--

june 21 friday (surgery day)

i'm writing this a few days later but here's how i remember it--

i checked in to the empty office and the copay was $10. the receptionist had me sign a form so that they could call my dad once my surgery was over and he gave me a plastic medical bracelet with my info on it. we hung out in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before i was called in by a nurse. she asked me if i had to pee (i did) and asked if there was a chance i could be pregnant (there wasn't). this nurse was very apathetic and had a very flat voice. i didn't like her.

she had me go to a bed with a gown and a bag for my stuff on it and instructed me to change with the curtain drawn. i did and hung out for about 10 minutes for her to come back, and then she had me lie down and covered me with a blanket and went over my medical record and what meds i was taking and stuff like that. while she was doing this, a male nurse came by and gave me a bunch of painkillers to take with a cup of water(i almost choked on them), and put in my IV on my hand, which was the most painful part. he said i have thick skin on my hand and he really had to push. at this point i got kinda lightheaded hearing him say that but i calmed myself down after a bit.

they called my dad back in and another nurse told me it would be about an hour before the surgeon came to see me. we hung out and played with the monitors on my blood pressure and heart rate and O2 and stuff and made jokes about writing messages on my torso for the surgeon to see when i was under. during the entire time waiting for surgery i was super hungry and wanted to hurry up so i could eat afterwords.

after about an hour the surgeon came by and marked me up, which was kind of uncomfortable because the markers he used were sharp. he held conversation the whole time and was very friendly and charismatic. he went over the marks a bunch of times, and had tentative places marked for my nipple grafts.

he told me the right side was larger than the left so the incision would have to be a bit longer, but since i'd lost weight the incisions were going to be very minimal either way.

after he marked me up he left me again and i asked another nurse to use the bathroom and i got a heated blanket. the anesthesiologist came by and he was funny and casual and alleviated any anxiety by explaining what meds he would be using on me (don't worry about the pain, i prescribe A LOT!!!) and he left once more and another nurse (OR helper) double checked what procedure i'd be doing on the computer, and she told me they would ask me the same questions again once we were in the OR to double confirm. (this ended up not happening because i passed out pretty quick.)

they came by again and confirmed the OR was ready for me, and the anesthesiologist gave me two shots into my IV of some warm liquid and told me i'd be feeling it pretty quick because they were strong (he was right, within a few minutes i was feeling loopy and warm. i was worried i'd have a panic attack about the meds taking effect so fast but it was nice). my dad filmed this part.

they came by about 5 minutes later and said they were ready so they had my dad go back to the waiting room and wheeled me to the OR which was a tiny room with a lot of machines and bright lights and white walls. i remember thinking it looked nothing like it did on TV. they had my name on a whiteboard on the wall. they introduced me to some of the new people i hadn't seen before but i was pretty out of it by then so i wasn't paying too much attention.

they had me scoot over from my hospital bed to the surgery table, and had my arms out to the sides crucifix style. i thought this was really funny and made a note to remember it after surgery.

i recall a few more moments of them rechecking my charts but then the next thing i remember is coming out of anesthesia and seeing my dad and the lights overheard being really bright. someone took off my oxygen mask but i think i was having trouble waking up so they had to put it back on so i would breathe.

they tried to sit me up too fast and i almost passed out so i was given water and gatorade (that i brought from home) and they very slowly raised my bed. my throat was really sore during this time and i remember the gatorade burning as i drank but it was better than the water.

coming out of anesthesia was long and i remember being irritated at it taking so much time and making everyone wait for me. i was also the second to last person in the recovery room (there was a lady next to me coughing a lot, the nurses were saying she was a handful).

my dad told me the doctor told him it was a super easy surgery and it made a difference that i was "lean". he said i might not have fluid in my drains by monday (surgery was on friday) but they wanted to be absolutely sure that i wasn't draining anymore before taking them out.

we talked with the nurse for a while as i caught my breath and could sit up again, and my dad ran to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my muscle relaxer meds before we left. the nurse talked to me about my transition and stuff like that. i didn't mind because i was still pretty out of it.

when my dad came back they got me a wheelchair but made sure i could stand and could walk to the wall without falling. i was pretty weak but made it steadily. i was surprised how mobile i was. my dad helped me get dressed but i didn't need much assistance.

my dad pulled the car around the front while the nurse wheeled me down to him, and we chatted as we went. the whole hospital was empty and it looked closed. he pulled my chair right up to the car and helped me in, and we thanked him a few times before leaving. he kept repeating if there was any issue with drains coming out to come back to this hospital.

the drive home was fine, and when we got back my dad insisted on taking the dogs out so i could get out of the car. he helped me out and eased me inside to my room. my mom gave me soup though i wasn't too hungry. i chilled in bed for a few hours before falling asleep and my dad showed everyone how to empty the drains. my mom was grossed out but not too much.

i ended up eating about half an edible to help me fall asleep and manage some of the discomfort, but i could have done without it. i had to pee a LOT during the night because of how many IV bags they'd given me. right when i came out of surgery they told me it was good i was dehydrated because it meant i had followed the instructions on not drinking nor eating since midnight the night before.

i was a little worried about wiping myself but my arms were very mobile and i could do it no problem.

i took a bit of tylenol but none of my prescriptions because the pain was very manageable.

sleeping on my back was the hardest part as i was supposed to be sitting up, and my neck was killing me even with my travel pillow. my butt was also really sore so the next morning i made an effort to walk around a bit. having a big squishy pillow under my butt while i slept also helped with the soreness and by day two it was fine. i stretched my legs a lot and tried to lay down as little as i could.

june 22, saturday

morning after surgery

night 1 wasn't great! i woke up a lot to go pee and it was uncomfortable laying sitting up. my neck ended up hurting a lot from the travel pillow. this morning brutus wanted to be with me so bad and i felt bad sleeping without him. i had to maneuver him around so he was on my lap and not my chest because he wanted to be close.

my incisions hurt a bit but it's not unbearable. it feels like the night after i made a big self harm cut, stings and i don't want to jostle them.

the rice krispy definitely helped last night with pain and relaxation and falling asleep, and i'm surprised it didn't give me anxiety or a bad dream.

i don't like sleeping on my back. i woke up around 3 to pee and didn't get back to sleep until almost 5. i was thinking about food to eat the whole time.

i really want ihop pancakes and syrup.

i'm getting little sharp shoots of pain on parts of my chest but they're not too bad and hopefully they mean i'm healing. i'm hopeful they're where my nipples are.

i really should have brought cough drops to the hospital, my throat was very sore after intubation.

i feel electrodes still stuck to my upper chest and i want them off, they're irritating. (i ended up peeling them off a few hours later)

it's still tough to pee but i've been taking short walks around the house to stretch my legs. i. get tired easily so they don't last more than a few minutes. still haven't taken any of my prescribed pain meds, but the pain is getting worse i think. people are telling me the pain will get worse tomorrow.

i've been vaping thc and taking tylenol to manage the pain and they make me sleepy so i've been taking 2-2.5 hour naps and then getting up to pee and snack. 

i took a norco pill in the afternoon but i dont think i needed it. i didn't feel much of an effect from it at all, but it did make me sleepy. that evening i went for a bit of a walk around the front yard.

june 23, sunday

i didn't sleep very well again last night but it was better than the day before. i think having a soft pillow under my butt helped with the soreness and i didn't need the travel pillow as much as i did yesterday with my naps. i still woke up disoriented a lot from my 2 hour naps

i stayed up till like midnight and then just passed out from exhaustion so i didn't wake up very much during the night to pee. this morning i woke up very refreshed but feeling gross physically. i cleaned out my own drains, had papa clean my shoulders and put on my testosterone, and megan dry shampoo my hair. i still haven't pooped but i'm not making too much of an effort. j think i'll take laxatives today.

thus far the pain isn't too bad. last night i had little twinges of sharp pain along my sides near my armpits but haven't had any since. taking deep breaths is getting harder because the incisions are getting more sore and my back is hurting from the binder.

this morning when we drained my drains one of them had barely anything in it which is good

update: i did poop a bit. i've been peeing a lot today.

i haven't napped at all but my arms are getting painful from being squeezed from the binder.

having that shower in a bottle has helped keep me feeling fresh and clean. i may take a sponge bath sometime this week. hygiene is keeping me feeling good, i brushed my teeth and washed my face with actual soap earlier which helped me feel good.

june 24, monday

i'm very sleepy today. i washed myself again with the shower in a bottle and i woke up itchy. i took a long nap in the middle of the day and i'm still pretty out of it and tired. i woke up last night only twice to have diarrhea from the ex lax chocolate papa got me yesterday.

i didn't have a lot of fluid in my drains this morning but it was more than yesterday.

my right drain keeps coming undone. i took another nap today and once i woke up i saw it was completely inflated. i fixed it pretty easily but it's strange it keeps happening.

ive been having binding pains a lot today from being compressed so tight. it hurts mostly when i stand up.

i gave myself a sponge bath today and washed my hair in the sink! i think that activity drained me because afterwards i took a 2 hr nap. i keep feeling like i'm sleeping a lot but all my naps are quite short.

june 25, tuesday

today i had a bit more pain where the drain sites are. it stings and burns a bit but it's not unbearable, just very uncomfortable. it happens regardless of the arm positioning.

i'm getting a lot more tingling/pins and needles over my chest but my actual incisions don't hurt. my ribs and back are killing me from the binder soreness, and i've been tired but not enough to sleep. every time i get up it kind of resets the pain so i'm trying not to adjust a lot.

i feel like i've been eating a lot of crap the past few days so im trying to be more mindful about eating more protein and less refined sugar

also, my chest was very itchy so i put my hand down the front of my vest to scratch it and i couldn't feel anything. it felt like when a limb falls asleep too hard to even be pins and needles and just turns numb. it made me uncomfortable so i only did it a few more times.

i have less energy to walk today than i did yesterday, but not tired enough to sleep. i'll definitely take more of the sleepy antihistamines to sleep tonight.

june 26, wednesday

not much new stuff to update on today. i took two norco pills because one didn't do anything and i almost passed out, i got super lightheaded and nauseous and had to lie down for a while to let my brain catch up.

we took the dogs on a walk to the gate and my chest felt weird walking but not in a totally bad way, i just had to go a little slower so i didn't jostle anything.

i'm so excited for friday! i can't wait to get my drains out.

pain has been pretty minimal today though i did take a few naps. i haven't smoked today at all because i wanna keep my brain clear and save my weed and there hasn't been a huge difference in pain.

my muscles feel very good today and it doesn't hurt to stretch my shoulders and reach for things as much.

drain sites are still very itchy and kinda sore. not a lot of fluid but i noticed the right side hasn't been inflating as much! i think it just needed to be milked and cleaned better.

june 27, thursday

the pain has been the worst today by far. i was draining a lot and found out that exercise or excessive movement will cause more drainage, and i did go on a longish walk yesterday with my mom and the dogs. i ended up taking tylenol, flexeril, hit my pen, and had the rest of the rice krispy treat just to dull the pain. it's starting to go away now but i'm still getting like stinging throbs and aches where my drains are. i'm definitely taking painkillers before we go tomorrow!!

i'm worried the excess drainage means that they'll want me to keep the drains in longer. i rally hope not, they're the one thing causing me pain.

i looked at my chest this morning and last evening and there's a little blood bubble inside the plastic they taped me up with on my left side. i can see my chest too, with all the surgeon marks and the edges of the incisions. it does look like he curved under the pec muscle. i was expecting straight line incisions, though i'm sure i'll warm up to it.

i've been very weak and light headed today, and when i stand up i need to take a minute to let the stars go away out of my vision.

june 28, friday

today's the day! we're leaving soon to go to kaiser for my one week post op. i really hope they take the drains out despite the spike in fluid i had the other day from going on that walk.

i'm very tired today and feeling very lazy. usually i want to bathe in the mornings but today i feel so gross i don't want to do anything. i managed to get myself out of bed today to do my laundry but that's as much work as i could manage.

later; they ended up not taking the drains out because of the spike in fluids from going on a walk the other day. they want to be 100% sure that there's less than 20mg over two or three days so i'm making an appointment for monday.

Monday update: got the drains out. Completely painless and not uncomfortable -- didn’t have much sensation in the area and the nurse distracted me so I didn’t notice her removing them. The worst part was her cleaning the area with alcohol beforehand. 

[jj-lynn21]

Snow in Hollywood Chapter 3

@tephi101​ @sweet-teekorbs​ warnings:  flirting,  hot tub scene, teasing brothers, intimacy interruptions, naked Skarsgards, angst, makeover madness

Chapter 3

The day moves along into the evening and Bill makes cheeseburgers and French fries for dinner. Soon it is time to put the little ones to bed. Kolbjorn fell asleep at the dinner table after eating his French fries but it takes 4 stories to convince Ossian to go to sleep. You help clean up the dishes from dinner. Valter has gone off to meet up with his girlfriend.

Bill says, “You want to chill in the hot tub?”

You say, “well um…”

Bill said, “A tank top and panties is fine if you are uncomfortable. I know its more of a big thing in the States to be naked in front of people and if it would make you more comfortable, I’ll wear shorts.”

You say, “Yeah we do have our hang-ups.” You giggle saying, “I can just take this skirt off and I’m ready to go in the tub.”

Bill says, “Cool, I have boxers on so I can take everything off but them for you Princess.”

The way he looks at you while he says that makes you blush. Then you both head out to the pool and hot tub. You take off your skirt and throw it over a lounge chair. Then you watch him get undressed admiring his slim body in the light of the half moon and few lights around the pool. He helps you into the hot tub. The water is hot but not to hot. Steam rolls off it. Bill gets into the hot tub and relaxes with his head back. You move over closer to him laying back on his arm, so he pulls you a little closer. He looks at you.

Bill says, “I think you are going to have a fun day tomorrow.”

You say, “Yeah.”

You seem frozen looking at each other for a moment before he leans in. You close your eyes as you hold your breath a little.

Alex says, “Hey little brother.”

Bill says, “Fuck.”

Gustaf says, “Its been a long day. We will join you two.”

They take off all their cloths and jump in the hot tub. Your eyes are wide.

Alex says, “So, how was your day Princess. My brother hasn’t been being all creepy has he.”

Beat red you say, “No, he hasn’t. He is taking me to a Ball this weekend.”

Gustaf says, “I’m not sure that is a good idea. You keep a watch out for any one out of the ordinary.”

Alex and Bill look at him and in unison say, ‘How can you tell if anyone is out of the ordinary in Hollywood?”

Grumbling Gustaf says, “Just be careful with her Bill. If anything, ever happened to her our Dad would kill us.”

Alex says, “Maybe we should all go to that Ball.”

Bill says, “And maybe not.”

You laugh a little.

Alex says, “I’d be happy to take you to find a dress tomorrow Princess.”

Bill says, “I made her an appointment with Fairy Godmother tomorrow. Then an afternoon at the spa. I was hoping one of you had the time off tomorrow and Friday to watch the little ones.”

Alex says, “Sure thing little brother.”

You get out of the hot tub and Bill quickly follows to wrap a towel around you. He rest his hands on you your shoulders.

You say, “I should get some sleep for tomorrow. I must be there at four in the morning. What time do we have to leave, Bill?”

Bill said, “Three thirty should be fine even if we hit traffic. Its right at the bottom of the hill.”

You head inside.

Bill says, “I’m heading to bed to. You guys have fun.”

Alex says, “Not the same bed. Give the girl some space.”

You can still hear them and blush badly.

Bill says, “Shut up asshole, of course not.”

Teasing a little more as Bill walks into the house Gustaf says, “Hope we didn’t interrupt. Oh, Hell I know we did and I’m fine with that.”

Alex and Gustaf laugh hysterically. Bill catches up to you. He throws you his t-shirt for you to put on to be warm. He leans on the door.

Bill says, “Sorry about them. They can be idiots sometimes.”

As you scoot passed him with his shirt and get clean under garments you say, “Yeah, I know guys can be like that.”

You go into the bathroom with your things. He stands at the closed door.

Bill says, “Good night Princess. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He walks towards his room with his head down as you come out in his t-shirt. It’s a perfect night shirt on you.

You say, “Good night Bill. I’ll see you in the morning.”

A small smile crosses his face as he goes into his room and shuts the door. You go to your room. Snuggling into the extra-large t-shirt you fall asleep.

In just under six hours you hear Bill’s softly trying to wake you.

Bill says, “Princess its time to wake up. We have a half hour before we have to leave.”

You jump up hearing you have such little time. A guy can easily get ready in half an hour but you have to shower and figure out what to wear and do your make-up and…. Bill sees you rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Bill says, “All you need is a shower and throw on some pants and a shirt. We won’t be late I promise.”

You grab yellow shorts and a royal blue button up sweater and run into the bathroom to shower. You brush your hair out and put it in a ponytail since that is the quickest thing you can do. You are out in the livingroom within twenty-five minutes. You put on a baseball cap you see on the table but hide your face. You don’t wear much make-up, but you like to hide the imperfections you think you have.

As you head to the door you say, “Don’t look at me.”

Chuckling as he grabs his keys Bill says, “Ok, but you will always look beautiful to me. You probably look your best without any make-up at all.”

You need coffee and you’re angry he didn’t wake you sooner. He opens the car door for you to get inside. You have your arms crossed. You snap at Bill when he gets in the car.

You say, “Look at me. I’m hideous and I want coffee. I never go anywhere in the morning without make-up and especially without first having coffee.”

Bill says, “I got it Princess. What kind of coffee would you like? Do you want some food also?”

Bill is on his phone as he calmly tries to get you everything you want.

You say, “Carmel latte and a chocolate chip croissant.”

Bill says, “No problem. Your make-up and hair will be the first thing they do this morning. “

He starts the car driving to the appointment.

You say, “Oh, I guess that’s cool.”

You take a deep breath to calm down. You know he is just doing his best. He did set up this whole day for you. When you go into the shop you are both greeted with coffee. Bill is taken one way for a last fitting of his suit and you are taken the other direction. Everyone fawns over you as one lady twists your hair up out of the way and puts some basic make-up on you. You feel much better after that.

You get measured when they stand you on a small stage. Then a myriad of dresses are brought into the room in every color and style imaginable.

A shorter guy with bleach blond hair enters the room with a clip board in hand.

He says, “You look beautiful Princess. You will be easy to fit. I will find you the perfect dress for tomorrow night. Just call me your Fairy Godmother. Now what are some of your favorite colors?”

You say, “I like to wear red, blue and yellow mostly, but I’m open to whatever you think will look best.”

He says, “Absolutely no yellow. The critics will crush you for that color and it does nothing for Billy. We are here to make you look fabulous to complement his completely dopey sexy man thang. He is yummy, isn’t he.”

You blush as you say, “Yes, I guess he is um yummy.”

He says, “Your so shy. I love it. Oh, I know he’s going to want to eat you up when we are done. Of course, he won’t see this creation until tomorrow night but boy are we going to blow his mind.”

You giggle as you watch your Fairy Godmother go through the dresses on every rack throwing a bunch on the floor as his helpers come to grab them to take them to the back. They are obviously the no pile. He finally turns to you.

He says, “I think we can work with one of these. You ready to play twenty-seven dresses but with more like fifty?”

You say, “Bring it on. I love trying on cloths.”

He says, “That’s good because we are going to be here awhile.” He snaps his fingers and says, “Bring her a Evian or do you like Fuji water better Princess?”

You say, “Either one is fine.”

He says, “With that meekness someone is going to bring you tap water.”

You say, “Fuji water is what I want while I try on all these dresses.”

He says, “That’s the way to do it girl. Now I have mostly short dresses for you. We can also make them shorter to fit your frame. I think you will look best in ruby red but also I have some blue to see if they bring out those gorgeous eyes more.”

His assistants help you try on each dress. He looks at you from all directs. they pin things when they are told. You turn around when you are told. Sometimes a breast pops out. Sometimes the dress just isn’t comfortable and you say so. Your Fairy Godmother keeps shaking his head no, even though there have already been a few you really like. Its way more work than you expected, and you ask for another fuji water. They bring it to you quickly.  Eventually he raises his hands.

He says, “Stop, I think we found it. The perfect dress. I knew red was your color. How do you like it?”

You say, “I love it. Its comfortable to wear. And I love how the skirt twirls up a bit when I spin. “

He says, “now for shoes Princess. How high of heel can you walk in without falling. Your man is very tall. We don’t want it to look like he is dating a little girl and you easily look like a teenager.”

Giggling you say, “I can wear six-inch wedge heels but I’m not comfortable with stilettos.”

He says, “Oh, sweetheart he didn’t hire you to go with him so we are definitely staying away from anything that would insinuate you are a girl for hire. Give me a minute. I will go find you the perfect wedge heels to go with that amazing dress. We only need to shorten it up three inches, so it is exactly six inches above your knees.”

His associates start pinning the bottom of the dress while he goes to the back for your shoes. You drink your water as you try to stand as still as possible. You rather not be pricked by a stray pin. He comes back with three pairs of wedge heels. One is red glitter that match the dress perfectly. The other is silver glittery that matches the material of the dress. The third is shiny but not glittery. They are red with a royal blue flower that has a little yellow in the center. He holds those up first.

He said, “I thought you might love these. A dash of yellow and blue to match your eyes is fine I say. To Hell with the vultures.”

You say, “I love them!”

He says, “Good the rest of these are a bit gaudy anyway. Sit, sit so I can put them on you and see your strut.”

You sit down and he puts them on you. The strap fits perfectly on your ankle. They don’t feel to big or to small. They feel and look perfect. You get up. After walking a few steps you spin.”

He screams with delight as he says,” You will truly be the Princess of this Ball. You just need one more thing from me.”

He opens a few drawers and shovels things round before he pulls out a lace mask. He put it on you.

He says, “Look in the mirror Princess.”

You look in the mirror and grin.

He says, “You don’t remove this all night and it will drive him crazy until you do. Now, I am sorry, but I must fix that dress overnight, so I need it back. I will go check on your love while my assistants help you get yourself back into that cute shorts outfit you were wearing when you came in today. I don’t care what the fashion police say, yellow looks fabulous on you.”

He leaves the room. His assistants help you get out of the mask, shoes and dress and put them all together on a hanger with a bag attached and mark it with the name “Snow Princess”. You are way happier than when you got there. You walk out and Bill is standing there rubbing his neck, picking invisible lint off his shirt and rubbing his hands together. He sees you are happy and smiles. You run over to him and he picks you up and swings you around before putting you down,

Chuckling Bill says, “So, it went well.”

You say, “It was amazing. I tried on about fifty dresses.”

Escorting you out to the car Bill says, “But you found one you liked.”

You say, “I found a dress you will love.”

He says, “I wasn’t planning on wearing a dress but cool.”

You laugh as you get in the car. He goes around and gets in to drive.

Bill says, “A trip to the spa is next.”

Without telling him detail about what you will be wearing you go on and on about your experience. He just smiles. He pulls up to the doors of the spa and a valet is there to park the car. Bill gets out, hands the valet his keys and goes around to open your door. He kisses the top of your hand as he helps you out and you swear you see a flash of light like a camera go off before he rushes you inside.

Bill says, “Sorry about the pictures. Sometime the paparazzi figure out where I am going and just take my picture. They might have just got your hand. I shielded you enough so no one will see your face. I know we can’t let your Stepmother figure out you are here.”

You say, “Yes, that would be bad.”

Bill says, “We will leave through the secret exit when we are done. I don’t what to take any chances with you.”

The two of you walk in and several attendants come over to greet you. You are taken to two separate rooms again. They have you strip and just put on a white rob. Then you meet up with Bill again in a room with two tables. The low-lit room has some light piano music playing and smells like jasmine and vanilla. Bill unwraps his rob and lays on the table. You do the same on the other table.

Yawning Bill says, “They will let us rest here for a while before our message so if you are tired go ahead and nap.”

You say, “Ok, I could use a little nap.”

You both drift off for about an hour before you feel warm oil on your back. You keep your eyes shut as you get a soft gentle message over your whole body.

Your masseuse leans down when he whispers, “when you are ready, I can take you to the other room for a facial and mani-pedi.”

You open your eyes as you lift your head and look over to Bill. He seems passed out. Steaming rocks are laying all over the back of his body. Just a towel barely covers his ass. You get up slowly and your masseuse helps you put your robe back on and tie it in the front. When you sit in the chair for your facial another person offers you a bottled water before he gets started. You take a few sips and then he lays you back and message your face. He rubs some thick gritty lotion on your face and puts a warm towel over it.

He says, “This just needs to set a few minutes Princess. Can you breathe?”

You nod yes. The music is relaxing so time seems to pass quickly or maybe you dozed off again. After he rinses your face, he puts some light make up on you. When you look in the mirror your face looks brighter than it ever has been. Another person comes over to you.

She says, “Hi Princess. I will be doing your mani-pedi. We can do your pedicure first so you can have some lunch. We can get you anything you would like.”

You glance around for Bill as you follow her over to the pedicure station. You see him relaxing as he gets a facial. It makes you feel better when you see him close by.

You say, “I’ll take a Pink drink and a Tomato and Mozzarella sandwich from Starbucks please.”

She nods and gives your order to an assistant who runs out the door. As your feet are soaking, she is back with your lunch. By that time Bill is sitting next you and the assistant runs to get his lunch.

You say, “Did you have a nice nap Bill.”

Chuckling he says, “Yeah, how about you?”

You say, “Yeah, this is very nice.”

Bill says, “Yeah, it’s cool to come here before I go to an event or if I just feel stressed.”

He reaches over to hold your hand. Your meal sits on a small table beside you, so you take a few sips and eat slowly. Then its time for your manicure. You slowly let go of Bill’s hand as you are led away from him again.  You explain to them what your shoes look like so your nails will match. You don’t want them to long but a little over lay with red color and blue flowers with yellow middles would be great. They do just that without making it look to gaudy. You watch Bill get a manicure with clear polish. He patiently waits for you when he is done. When you are done you head back home.

In the car Bill says, “Your nails look great. I can’t wait to see the dress that goes with them.”

You say, “I can’t wait to show you the dress that goes with them.”

You walk to the door hand in hand looking at each other smiling. He takes both of your hands as you stand at the door.

You say, “Thank you for all we did today.”

Bill says, “Your welcome Princess. I’d do anything to see that pretty smile on your face.”

This just makes you smile bigger. He pulls you in closer. You wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his eyes. He leans down. You close your eyes really wanting to kiss him at this moment. Its about as perfect as it can be. Alex opens the door.

Alex say, “They made it home. I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.”

Even though you didn’t even kiss him you rush in a little embarrassed you were caught in an intimate moment. You head to the restroom to wash up.

Under his breath Bill says, “Fuck you Alex.”

Gustaf says, “We have to protect the Princess’ virtue.”

Sam says. “I think someone could use some alone time in their room before they get to backed up. You know that’s not medically safe.”

All the guys are laughing when you come out of the bathroom. Even the kids are laughing even though they have no idea what they are laughing about. Bill has a dopey pouty look on his face. You put your hand on his back and he jumps.

You say, “You alright?”

Gustaf says, “Oh, he’s just a little blue.”

They all laugh again.

You say, “Ok, boys enough for now. Let’s have a nice dinner.”

Alex, Sam, Gustaf and Valter say, “Yes, Princess.”

The kids follow suit and say, “Yes, Princess.”

Bill goes to wash up before dinner. You sit down.

Gustaf says, “We should start without him. It might take him awhile.”

You give him a stern look.

Gustaf says, “Sorry Princess.”

But everyone starts to eat including you. Eventually Bill comes out to join the family feasting. Everyone is to busy eating to say anything else. You excuse yourself when you are done. Exhausted from your day you just want to get some sleep, so you are ready for whatever this ball has in store for you. You know you will eventually get time alone with Bill tomorrow to get that first you hope of many kisses and more. 

[lindsayisfindingflow]

Ironman Wisconsin 2018: Bike

The bike was the big, scary, foreign leg for me. Not only is it my weakest leg, but the course is much hillier than the terrain I’m used to. My team was planning to do several rides in southern Indiana, where it’s hillier, but we had a couple bike crashes down there and as a result I never got more than 30-60 miles of hills in at a time. Because of this I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of pace, but was hoping I could be under 7 hours.

At the start of the bike you ride down a parking garage, commonly referred to as “the helix.” On the helix I rode my brakes almost the whole time, so naturally I got passed by one or two people who felt comfortable taking it faster. Then I was out on the bike course, feeling a little nervous for my longest and weakest part of the day, but also glad that it was finally happening. My speed at the beginning seemed pretty fast, which was likely because of a tailwind, but I thought to myself “man, maybe that taper worked better than I thought.”

The beginning of the bike is a little weird. The course goes over some older/rough pavement, a bike path, and crosses over a few sets of railroad tracks. I was in and out of aero a lot at this part. After the last stretch of bike pavement a few miles in, I got passed by Eric. He’s a much stronger cyclist than I am, so we wished each other luck as he continued on. At this point we started to hit a few of the smaller hills on the “stick” part of the course. At the beginning of one of them I saw Eric off to the side of the road, about to start riding again. I asked if he was ok, and he said yep. He later caught up and said his Garmin mount had broken. We were near each other for awhile longer, and I even passed him briefly on an uphill. When he passed me again we were coming upon a solid downhill, so I knew I wouldn’t see him again. I wished him luck a final time, and he said he’d need to get an hour on me in the bike so I didn’t catch him in the run. Though I knew it was an exaggeration, I told him he’d probably do it. That was the last time I saw him. After that I knew I would be on my own for a couple hours, until some of my teammates who started a little further back in the swim caught up.

As we neared the end of the stick, I was feeling pretty good overall. My stomach wasn’t loving the Gatorade I’d been drinking all season, maybe because it was a bit colder out than I was used to. I tried to keep sipping though, and knew I probably wouldn’t need as much as I would on an 80 degree day anyway. I made sure to take some of the clif bar bits I had in my bento box every half hour or so as well.

When we made it into Verona, the beginning of the “loop” portion, I started recognizing roads from the training weekend my team did in Madison. I was glad we did that, because I knew exactly what to expect at each part of the loop. The short and punchy up/downhills, false flats, longer hills, and technical portions. Notable things on the first loop: I got passed a lot. The hills were actually kind of fun... although they were challenging, people kind of bunched up on them, and it felt like we were working together. (One of the race officials said they don’t worry about drafting on the hills because following the rules there would be a safety issue.) Also, on some of the later hills (referred to as the three sisters/bitches) there were big crowds of people lining them and playing music.

About 30 miles in I shifted into my small chain ring for an uphill, and started to hear the sound of banging metal. Thinking my chain slipped, I immediately stopped pedaling and unclipped. Much to my surprised, my chain was totally fine. After spinning my crank arms a few times, I finally realized it was part of an old bike computer that was still zip tied to my bike and had gotten loose. At this point, a spectator at the top of the hill made his way over to me, and asked what was wrong. I showed him, and fortunately he had some cutters in his truck, so he was able to cut the zip ties so it wouldn’t move around while I was biking. I probably lost 3-5 minutes on this, but I was so glad a spectator was around that had something to cut it off with. This kind of shifted my mentality a bit too, as I felt a lot more willing to stop and just do what needed to be done during the bike leg.

Overall on the first loop I really tried to stay conservative and remember that I was going to have to come back and do it all over again. As I rolled into the festival in Verona for the start of the second loop, I really had to use the bathroom. I’d been trying to pee on the bike but it just wasn’t happening. So I stopped, and a volunteer offered to hold my bike and get me any nutrition I needed. When I got out of the bathroom I filled my aero bottle with Gatorade that she grabbed me, threw my arm sleeves away, and headed out, feeling pretty refreshed.

I definitely had a better mindset at the beginning of the second loop, knowing it’d be my last time through that section. The field had thinned a bit, so this loop felt more solitary, but I kept on doing my thing. When I got up to the northern most part of the course I was starting to feel tired, but a fun sized pay day gave me a much needed sugar rush. Overall I was behind on where I planned to be nutritionally, but at the same time I felt like I was eating/drinking as much as my stomach would tolerate (if not more than it would tolerate). I did notice about halfway through the ride that I was way less sweaty than I usually am on rides, and that concerned me a bit too. I didn’t know if I was dehydrated or just taking it easy aerobically to preserve my legs.

I ended up stopping twice during the second loop to refill my aero bottle... they were short stops, since the crowd had thinned, and as I get tired I feel like my bike handling skills decline.

When I made it to the end of the second loop I was pumped, but tried to remember that I still had over an hour before I was done, and there would be a couple decent hills on the way back in. The stick seemed really quiet on the way back. There were fewer spectators, and most people gave the vibe that they just wanted to be done. Hitting mile 100 was a good feeling, but the course seemed to take forever after that. At one point I looked down at my watch, expecting to be around 104, and my watch said 101.3. I started laughing out loud about it (I can’t remember if other people were around, but if they were, they probably thought I was a crazy person.)

When I hit the bike path I knew we were close, and I may have tried to pick up the pace a bit. I also felt every bump in the road at that point, and there seemed to be a lot of them. I rode over the “bridge” over lake Monona, then shifted into my small chain ring for the helix. I tried to pedal somewhat quickly because I knew I was right on the 7 hour mark and wanted to be under. When I hit the dismount line I handled off my bike, and tried to run inside, but my legs felt like jello. I took off my shoes, then walked in to T2.

Bike time: 6:59:59 (nailed that sub-7 time lol)

T2:

Honestly, I don’t even remember grabbing my bag. Next thing I knew I was in the changing tent, with a lady dumping my stuff and helping me get it together. I put on my socks and shoes, and ate a few of my clif bloks since I hadn’t eaten anything on the bike in a bit. I shoved the rest of them in my pocket, then I put on my hat, and headed over to a table with Vaseline. I wasn’t sure if it was from chafing or sunburn, but my skin was hurting where my tri top touched my lats. A volunteer put it on for me, then I grabbed a glass of water and chatted with a lady grabbing M&Ms. I put some more sunscreen on my back when I headed outside, then I was off for the run.

T2 time: 6:11

[ladywithoutababy]

Retrieval Cycle Day 16: Post-retrieval!

Oooooh it feels so good to be done (hopefully) with all the hard parts. Here is what my retrieval procedure looked like, for anyone who’s about to go through it.

This morning, I couldn’t eat or drink anything (even water), which was honestly the part I was most worried about since the procedure didn’t even start until noon. It wasn’t too bad though.

When we got to the doctor’s office, my husband got pulled in right away to give his, uh, fresh sample, and a few minutes later I got called in to a different hallway. They had me get undressed in a little locker room, and I had to put on a gown, little booties, and a hair net thing. I’m so used to just undressing from the waist down that this felt a little excessive, and very serious.

I talked to a nurse first, who checked my vitals, asked me a bunch of questions to make sure I did everything I was supposed to, had me sign a bunch of consent forms (like, a LOT), and then, like an angel descended from heaven, gave me a few tylenol and a tiny cup of water. Best water I ever tasted.

I left my phone in the locker so I had nothing to do when she walked away, but I found a Jan 2020 Us Weekly that kept me busy. Man, I haven’t looked at a tabloid in a long time. That’s some stupid shit, huh? (Also I’m officially so old that I have no idea who any celebrities are. Ha.)

Then, the anesthesiologist came in and double confirmed all the stuff the nurse had confirmed. She was very nice and friendly and reassuring – everyone was today, really. I felt like I was in good hands. She had me follow her out of the little room and we walked through a couple hallways chatting, and then all of a sudden we walked through some double doors and we were just full on in an operating room. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting an operating room, but I wasn’t.

The anesthesiologist had me jump up onto the table, and then what felt like dozens of people streamed in and out of my peripheral vision, attaching things to me (IV to hand, oxygen thing to nose, blood pressure thing on arm), asking me to sign and initial things, triple confirming all the stuff that had already been confirmed, and unceremoniously lifting up my gown and putting my knees up on some stirrups (that’s a new one - I’m used to just my feet going up).

I was expecting there to be a moment where someone let me know we were starting - maybe a countdown from 10 or something? - but right when I noticed I was starting to feel a little bit weird and woozy, and I wasn’t sure whether I was imagining it or not, someone I couldn’t see said “Have a good nap” and then I literally woke up in the recovery room. I’ve never had full anesthesia before and had heard people say that’s what it’s like, but I really thought that was an exaggeration.

Can I just say, anesthesia is AMAZING. It was so crazy that I didn’t have to be conscious for anything. I also woke up feeling incredible – like freshly rested, cheerful – and I wasn’t expecting that. I think I was conflating it with laughing gas (is that even what it is?), which I got when my wisdom teeth were taken out like 10 or 15 years ago. I was so out of it and loopy for like hours afterwards, and really hated that feeling. But this was downright delightful in comparison, and really didn’t feel like I’d ever been under.

There were a bunch of nice nurses in the recovery room, who checked on me every few minutes, brought me apple juice and graham crackers (!), gave me a heat pack, and EVEN went and got my phone from my locker so I could read my book while I waited. (I woke up at 12:05, got my snacks at 12:15, and then had to stay laying down until around 12:45.) The best part was a particularly nice lady – no idea who she was – who squeezed my toes comfortingly every time she walked by.

When it was time to get up, an extremely charming lady who called me “my love” and “friend” helped me sit up, walked me over to the bathroom (they don’t let you leave until you can successfully pee), checked my vitals one more time, removed my IV, gave me instructions, and sent me home. It’s now a few hours later, and I don’t seem to have any side effects from the anesthesia, but I have had pretty bad cramping on and off. (I’m actually not sure if that’s from the retrieval, from the endometrial biopsy I did for the study, or both.) Nothing terrible though, AND my husband gave me all this stuff when we got home, which has been easing the pain:

What happens next

They told me right when I woke up how many eggs we got: 7! I tried to get them to tell me whether this is a good or bad number, and they were frustratingly diplomatic. “Everyone’s best number is a good number. Seven is your best number, and that’s good.” So I don’t know. But I feel good about starting with 7. Or, I did until I googled it just now, and found the consensus that 8-14 is “normal” and 15 is “optimal” so uh... shit.

We will find out tomorrow how many of those 7 were fertilized and are viable embryos. Let’s... hope for 7.

Then, we wait 5 days to see how many embryos develop into blastocysts (basically, more fully formed embryos which have a higher chance of continuing to grow). It sounds likely that we will lose some here.

Then, the hearty blastocysts are sent off for genetic testing, which seems to take a week or two. Only then will we know how many strong, normal embryos we have to work with. I’ve heard stories of people starting out with >10 eggs and ending up with one (or zero) viable embryos. I am staying positive and optimistic and assuming that my husband’s powerful sperm and my strong constitution will give these guys a good chance.

THEN, we have to wait for the following cycle (might be the one two weeks from now if the DNA results get back quickly enough, or might be a month after that if not) to begin the transfer process. I’m not totally clear what if any hormones I have to take during that phase, but if all goes well we will end up doing a transfer a month or two from now. I don’t really know what the chances of success are at that point; when I asked a doctor the other day she said something about how they just pop it in, it floats around, and maybe it implants and maybe it doesn’t.

I’ll tell you what else definitely happens next: I’m gonna go watch The Bachelor and eat that whole box of cookies. And my husband is making mac & cheese for dinner. Deal with it.

[dreamydream]

Fallout Characters as Vines

Butch: *sitting at a booth eating* I mean, I get complimented all the time- Lone: *bursts out laughing from across the booth* Butch: I do! Lone: *continues laughing*

Six: *puts a pen to their mouth and inhales* *exhales smoke* Blaze it. *points camera to stove* Just kidding it's from my macaroni and cheese~!

Sole: *hands empty water bottle* Here. Mama Murphy: *stares at it for a second* This bitch is empty. Yeet! *lamely throws water bottle to ground*

Rex: *running towards a puddle* Six: You gonna get wet, I ain't gonna take you home, AH he got his damn feet wet now, shit dog...

Deacon: Welcome back to me screaming. AGHHHHHHHH- *takes breath* AGHHHHHHHHHH

Lone: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?! *motions to shoes* Old Lady Palmer: They are my crocs.

Lone: Sleep?! I don't know nothing about sleep! It's summertime-! James: You better go to bed! Lone: Oh, he caught me...

Sole: Two shots... of vodka. *open vodka bottle and dumps it into glass*

Hancock: Bro, how much money do you have? Sole: 69 caps. Hancock: Oh, you know what that means! Sole: *eyes start to water* I don't have enough money for Nuka Quantum...

Sole: Let me see what you have! Shaun: *runs by and holds up knife* A knife! Sole: NO! *runs after him*

Six: I wanna be a cowboy, baby! Veronica: Hell yeah! Six: *spinning around on old playground equipment with Veronica* I wanna be a cowboy, baby!

Six: Man, you sure do know your bible. Joshua: That's why they call me- ~~BibleMan~~

Six: Wanna hear a chemistry joke? Arcade: ... Six: Is that a no? Arcade: Oh sorry did you want a *looks at camera* reaction? -camera cuts to Six huddled in the bathroom crying-

Lone: Would you rather fight a bunch of kindergartners- Butch: I wanna fight kindergartners. Lone: That's not even the whole- Butch: Those kids are getting slapped-!

Travis: I have a banana peel on the ground and I'm gonna see if it's really slippery like it is in the cartoons. I- *grabs cup of water and instantly slips, slinging water everywhere* UAGHHHHH

Preston: *filming group of radstags eating outside the house* Sole: *sneezes and radstags run off* Preston: Nice, Sole. Sole: I sneezed! Oh, I'm not allowed to sneeze?

Mr. Brotch: Butch has 19 bottles of dish soap, and he gives Paul- Amata: Wait, why does Butch have so many soaps?! Butch: *sitting at a desk surrounded by soap, pouring soap out into hand* MIND YO BUSINESS, AMATA!

Lone: *tries and fails to do a skateboard trick* James: Hey I used to ride skateboard. Lone: Pfft, my dad is such-what?! James: *rides by on skateboard doing a handstand*

Shaun: *holding basketball* Hey, you wanna play? Hancock: Nah, I don't really. Shaun: C'mon... Hancock: Okay, you talked me into it. Shaun: *shoots basketball* Hancock: *viciously slaps it away* Get outta here kid! *slam dunks basketball with Shaun backing away* GAME OVER!!!

Travis: How to pick up girls. *runs at Scarlett and picks her up* Scarlett: AGH GET OFF OF ME! Travis: *trips and falls* OH, FU-

Lone: Daddy can you teach me how to twerk? James: *raises eyebrows* No more tv *unplugs tv* no more computer *shoves computer in trash* We're reading books from now on, little girl. *hands Lone a book*

Arcade: Rex, I'm home. *walks into kitchen to see bloodstain and 'your next' written in blood on fridge* *gasps* This is so wrong... *dips finger in blood and corrects 'your' to 'you're'* There.

Shaun: *standing on ladder* I'm scared, Mom. Sole: Do ya trust me son? *holds out arms* Shaun: Yeah. Sole: C'mon son! Shaun: *falls backwards* Sole: *turns away* Rule number one, never trust anybody!

-Amata and Lone sitting at a table drinking coffee and Butch and Wally pretend to take pictures- Butch: Today we observe two basic white girls in their natural habitat! Whatever you do, don't touch the- Wally: *grabs a coffee and runs off* Butch: *gasps* Are you crazy?!

James: Someone called me a dilf at work today. Lone: Oh, that was so cool- James: No, it wasn't. Lone: YEAH

Shaun: Yeet! Sole: *walks into room* Eat, eat? You wanna eat something? Shaun: No mom I was just saying a random word... Sole: *holds out mutfruit* Okay, eat something. Shaun: No I'm fine- Sole: EaT thE FuckIn MuTrUit-

Lone: *wearing a graduation cap* Hey change of plans, I'm actually not going to college anymore, I'm going to hell. Um, not that excited.

Lone: So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift? Amata: *raises eyebrows and slowly looks away* Butch: Happy birthday-? Lone: *smashes glass into his face*

Deacon: Be honest, do these shorts make my butt look big? MacCready: It makes that ass look fat. Deacon: What the fuck?... thank you.

Six: I want to see my little boy~ Arcade: Here he comes. Six: I want to see my little boy~ ED-E: *beep*

MacCready: Hey can I get a sip of that water? Sole: It's not water. MacCready: Vodka! I like your style. Sole: It's vinegar. MacCready: What. Sole: It's vinegar, pussy.

Sole: I'm done with this dumbass Institute with all these fake ass people. Allie: *walks by* Hey. Sole: Hey! *walks by* ...fucking bitch.

Butch: You ready to die?! Lone: You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch!

Joshua: This is my message to Jesus... Hey, GiGi. Sup man... how are ya?

Raider: That moment when you enter a room and forget why you went in there- Pickman: *stabs him in the back* Raider: *thinks* Oh that's right I was getting chased by a serial killer!

Deacon: Hey babe you wanna spoon? *holds up spoon* And then we can fork? And then-you can slit my throat with a knife...

Hancock: Bro, do you ever smoke lean? Preston: Smoke lean? Hancock: Wo-ow... Preston: N-no, yeah, I have. Hancock: Dude, I thought you were tight. Preston: I have, Mom-!

Mr. Brotch: Okay, is Butch here? Butch: Present. *dabs* Mr. Brotch: ...Lone. Lone: *throws up peace sign* Suh, dude.

Arcade: You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Boone? Boone: No. Six: I do! Arcade: I know, Six. Six: I'm sad. Arcade: I know, Six.

Veronica: Hey, I'm lesbian. Six: ...I thought you were American.

Shaun: I can't swim. Cait: How old are you? Shaun: Ten. Cait: *picks him up and throws him into a pond*

Butch: So basically what I was thinking of was um... Lone: *punches him* Butch: Ah, fuck... I can't believe you've done this.

Six: Do you remember one time I liked you? Benny: No? Six: Good cause it never happened. Benny: Oh... Six: Aha *flips him off* Oho

DC Guard: Detective, this is a crime scene. Nick: *holding 3 tubs of ice cream* What, is this the murder weapon?! *closes freezer with shoulder* Get off my dick!

Sole: I still don't have a New Year's resolution. Piper: You could lose a few. Danse: You could be less lazy. Cait: Don't be such a bitch- Sole: Okay DAMN!... SHIT.

Butch: *whispers* What do beavers build? Lone: A dam. James: *from other room* What'd you say? Butch: Ooh... Lone: Dad, he set me up!

-Amata, Butch, and Christine sitting at a booth- Lone: Today we observe a teenage male appeared to be caught in the friend zone! Research shows there's no escape... I've been spotted!

Six: *looking out over New Vegas* Some day I'm gonna own this goddamn town... *raises whiskey glass to mouth but quickly moves it away* Eughhh I don't like whiskey it burns my mouth!...

Lone: I'm different cause I don't like drama! Y'know?... But Christine... Christine has an STD-

Jack: What are these curious circles? *picks up bottlecap* They have little words on them, how quaint. Do poor people eat these? *bites into it* Disgusting, Edward, take it away!

Lone: This just in, folks, I'm getting reports that Butch is gay; more at 11. Butch: I'm not gay... ... Lone: This just in, folks, I'm now getting reports that Butch is still gay. Let's go to Butch who's on the scene. Butch: I'm not fucking gay!

Six: Any sauces? Raul: Hot and verde. Six: What did you just say to me? Raul: Oh, sorry. *removes accent* Verde. Six: I thought you were trying to seduce me or somethin'

Butch: What's goin' on, my name is Butch, I'm 19 years old, and I'm-... a little nervous *clears throat* He WaS a BOy, shE wAs a GirL ... Lone: I'm Lone and I think I can be the next American Idol *clears throat* I CHimE iN, hAVen'T-

Sole: *holds up harmonica* You play it and you get 100 million caps; but 100 million people will die. MacCready: *furiously plays harmonica* Sole: MacCready no-

[ashencreature]

Important Update for partners across the board

This is long, and I’m sorry, but I just wanted everyone to know what’s going on. Honestly, I’m not expecting anyone to actually waste time reading through all this, but it’s just so I can try to ease my own anxiety in case the worst case scenario does come and I left some sort of explanation.

Ok, so, some of you know there’s been a lot going on for me at home in the last 3 or 4 years. But everything’s kind of getting worse by day and at this point, I’m not sure what to do anymore. 

When I was 14, I moved in with my dad. We moved quite a few times in the first few years I was with him. Hell, that first year alone, I was in 3 different schools. All for Freshman year. And the last house we were in that year, we stayed in for maybe 2? 

But when I was 16, the factory my dad worked at closed and he lost his job. That’s kind of where all this starts. Instead of getting a new job, he decided he wanted to spend all day drinking with his new friends and occasionally doing odd jobs for them or things with them. We had to move out of that house, take my dog to the shelter, and move into a trailer. It was only supposed to be for a year. But nearly 14 years later, and we’re still here. 

Now the landlord here is a real prick. More like a slumlord if you ask me. He jacks the rent up for the dumbest reasons and acts like he’s god’s gift to humanity or some shit. He told us himself, and had the park manager tell us, that we couldn’t fix our roof to stop the leaking because the walls would collapse of we tried to move it. So literally the entire 14 years we’ve been here, the roof has been leaking. My dad tried everything he could think of, short of tearing it out and redoing it, to fix it. Nothing worked. 

And in that time, the entire back half of the house got destroyed by mold. My bedroom, being the very last room, was the first to go. I think I slept in it for a year? And ever since, I’ve had to sleep in the living room because the walls had to be torn out due to the mold. It’s right down to the studs and the scant insulation. It’s been like that for over 10 years. Well, now the mold is spreading and getting worse. The bathroom is destroyed pretty much. The back hallway is the same. The floor’s rotting away, and the toilet is falling through the floor; again. 

Now, I think my dad went to the garage he was at for the first time when I was maybe 18? I don’t remember exactly. I do remember being in junior year and my friends either having to buy me lunch, share theirs with me, or pray that we actually were cooking in cooking class; which happened a lot less than you’d think. Other than that, I didn’t eat. Senior year was a little better because I at least would get money dropped off to eat. Not that the cafeteria had a lot of choices for me to pick from. I pretty much ate nothing but gross excuse for pizza and occasionally pretzels, fries, or Belgian waffles. 

Anyway, so senior year rolls around and we’re all prepping for college. At the time, I wanted to go to AMDA for musical theater, and managed to get an audition there for that March. I had to force my dad to go to the meeting about FAFSA and to fill out the paperwork. Which he said he did, but I don’t believe it because he says they denied me. And I’ve never heard of FAFSA being denied. Not that it mattered anyway, because I bombed the audition and didn’t get in. So graduation rolls around and all my friends go off to college. I haven’t seen or spoken to most of them since. They never stop to visit when they come home and they never try to reach out on Facebook. Eventually, I got sick of being the one to initiate and maintain all conversations, so I just gave up. 

The 2 friends I still had at that time helped me to get jobs when I was 20/21 and living with them, in 2011/2012. This was because 2 of us and their mom were in a car accident on the way to my friend’s college at the time. We all nearly died. My friend had a concussion, their mom needed surgery, and I nearly got impaled by a fake Christmas tree. I ended up going to the hospital a lot later than they did with a copy of the report in the doctor’s hand and got told I wasn’t in an accident I had the flu, go home. Anyway, so after my friend’s mom’s surgery, I moved in to help around the house and look after my friend’s youngest sister. These jobs weren’t the best; Wendy’s and the deli department of one of the local grocery stores. But it was money. 

For all the good it did. Because by that time, my dad had quit working at the garage. So here I was, paying for rent, bills, gas, food, and child support for my brother. All on $200 a week. My anxiety was driving me insane. And I came to find out that my dad was going in and threatening one of the store managers, which was probably why the guy was such a scumbag to me. But I digress. So I was in the store for a month shy of 2 years. I started at maybe $7.45 or $7.50. an hour when I started. It was slightly over the minimum wage at the time. By the time I left, 2 years later mind you, I wasn’t even making $8, and I was working full time hours while only being part time. Everything that went wrong got blamed on me, even when it was my day off and I wasn’t anywhere near the store. I liked most of the people that I worked with, even if I hated the job, and the assistant department manager became a really good friend. She was 2 years older than me, and we hung out a lot. I’d spend the night at her house, I was at her wedding, I’ve been to her daughter’s birthday parties and so on. 

At one point, I was supposed to get training to be an assistant specialty cheese shop lead. They sent me to one class, told me about another, but never gave me any more details about it, even when I asked. Then they said they were going to train me over there, but never did. That was just the first of a long list of grievances. The culmination of which was on a Sunday night, our busiest day of the week. There was just me and 1 other guy in the department. Then 1 lady in the hot food section, 1 lady in the beer store, and no one in the bakery. But they expected me to take care of all 4 departments and still wait on the 20+ people that were at the counter the whole night. And I had an order to make and put away for the assistant department manager. Needless to said, I had a panic attack. I told my partner, and both of the other people nearby. They told the assistant store manager, and he didn’t care. They made me work for 3 and a half hours, through a panic attack, without a break. I couldn’t breathe and was on the verge of fainting. I finally had enough and told one of the ladies that I didn’t care what the store manager said, I was going to get my inhaler in the break room and get a drink at the water fountain, or I was going to faint. 

A few days later, I got called to the main office to speak to the store manager, who I usually didn’t have a problem with. And unfortunately, since my anger receptors are evidently attached to my tear ducts, I broke down in tears when I wanted to be furious. He basically told me that I was going to the bakery or I was getting fired. So the next day, I quit. There was a lot of other stuff too but that doesn’t really matter. Including being so sick that I couldn’t eat for over a week, fainting in the back room because they wouldn’t let me take a day off, and not being able to talk for over a month. The assistant department manager almost called the ambulance when I fainted, but you know, I’m clearly the problem here. 

So there we were, I didn’t have a job. My dad didn’t have a job. I was 23, and feeling just as helpless as I did at 16. I spent a year filling out job applications for a bunch of different things from craft stores to fast food to jewelry stores, but never heard back from any of them. The only interview I got was for Chipotle. But they wouldn’t even hire me. Naturally, cue the anxiety and depression getting worse. And around this time, our electric got shut off. This was in May I believe because it was just before my birthday. 

At that time I started thinking about going back to school. So I looked at schools and degrees you could do all online, because I knew I could never afford to go on campus. And, as most of you know, I started at CTU in July of that year. Now the program I did was an accelerated one, which meant I could finish gen ed classes faster, be done faster, and lower my tuition. I did as many as I could, but only my admission adviser was any help. My actual student adviser was never around, never responded to my emails, never called me back. But whatever. 

So for 3 years I spent pretty much all day, every god damn day doing schoolwork. I’d be at my local Dunkin from 3 in the afternoon until they closed at 11. Sometimes I’d be working even later next door because I still had stuff to do. The first year and a half I was fine. It didn’t bother mine, just like working didn’t bother me at first. But then, a year and a half after I started, I got sick. I couldn’t eat anything without my stomach cramping up and getting the worst migraines. It got so bad that one day at Dunkin, I felt like I was going to puke, and got up to go to the bathroom and almost fainted. Personally, I think it’s a combination of anxiety, depression, Celiac/gluten intolerance, anemia, and asthma. But I don’t know for sure because I haven’t had a doctor since I was going to the pediatrician. And even if I did, can’t afford it. 

So I’ve just been getting sicker and sicker. I was 125 pounds in January of this year. 11 months later, and I’m down to 108.5 the last time I checked. I think the lowest I hit was 107, and that was all 6 months after the weight loss started. There’s times it’ll go back up, but I can’t get past 110 or 111 tops. Neighbors who used to live down the road came to visit earlier this week, and all the lady could say was how skinny I got. I’m like yeah, malnourishment’ll do that to you. 

And to make things worse, my dad at some point went back to the garage and was working again, so things were slightly better. I say slightly in the loosest way possible. But, just after Christmas last year, my dad quit again. I’ve seen him apply to 1 job and go to 1 interview in the year since. Other than that, he’s been collecting scrap and doing shit for people who refuse to pay, including the landlord. In the last 7 or 8 months, despite how many times I’ve told him that my refund checks from the school aren’t free money I can spend however I want, my dad’s made me spend it. The $5,000 I had that was supposed to set me ahead for my student loans are gone. And I’m $5,000 deeper in the hole than I should be. Which means instead of being like $45 or 50 grand in debt I’m about $55 grand. 

Then, because we haven’t had electricity in almost 4 years, and with the mold problem, everything in the house is ruined. We had only cold water, and I took cold showers for as long as I could. But last winter, the shower pipes froze and burst. So even if I wanted to, I can’t do that. Plus, because we can’t use the washer and dryer, or hook up a generator thanks to the scumbag landlord, or afford a laundromat, our clothes have gone unwashed for over a year. Most of mine were sitting in the tub, which got filled with mold and bugs. I have practically no clothes left, with no way to wash them, and no way to shower unless I go to someone else’s house. And even when I do, I still don’t feel clean. Even after washing my hair 4 times or more. 

We were supposed to move into the place next door and tear this one down. But the landlord and my dad made a deal that he’d give it to us for the cost of the title transfer. Then suddenly, he wanted $600, then like $800 or $1,000. But he won’t stop asking about it, no matter how many times we tell him no. Him and his wife keep trying to say we’re $5,000 behind on rent which isn’t possible because with what rent is now, you can’t even get $5,000 as a total for a whole year, and this last year is the only time we fell behind because everything else was caught up. He gave us a bill full or errors. Payments that were made aren’t marked. Payments that weren’t made are. There’s random charges after the monthly rent cycle. Which I think are from when he was bitching about us paying the taxes for a place we didn’t even own and was still in his name. He told us we can’t run the generator for power because it was too loud. Though the noise ordinance here is 11, and it was always off by then. And when one of the neighbors asked how we were supposed to live, he told them it “Wasn’t his problem”. 

So when I started getting really sick, and unable to leave the house to go to Dunkin for school because I was too gross, the neighbors next door let us run an extension cord over to their place. Not a lot. Just enough for the light in the living room, the fan, a mini fridge, and to plug in my phone and computer. OH WANNA HEAR A GOOD ONE. THE LANDLORD TOLD MY DAD 3 SEPARATE TIMES IF I NEED TO PLUG IN MY COMPUTER TO GET A LANTERN. YES THE OLD FASHIONED OIL OR CANDLE TYPE LANTERN. WHICH YOU CAN TOTALLY PLUG AN ELECTRONIC COMPUTER INTO. So because of that, I was able to finish school and graduate in June. 

But, because I still can’t bathe or do laundry and have no clothes, I still can’t go to interviews. If I walked in with my arms, face, neck, and legs literally black from dirt, and reeking to high heaven, I’d fucking get laughed out of the place. My dad still refuses to get a real job and insists on hauling scrap or doing shit for people who won’t pay at all, or want to pay less than it’s worth. And guess what’s due this week? You got it, my first loan payment. 

I can’t figure out how much I have to pay, work on getting it lowered or delayed, or even access my account info because there’s an issue with my birthday apparently, and they can’t find it even though they have my name and social and keep emailing me. I’ve been telling him this for months, and he still won’t come with me to try and sort it out. Because what he needs has to taken care of then and there and everything else can fuck all. He blew up at me the other day about it, blaming me for going, leaving him with payments, for my mother walking out 20 years ago even though they hated each other, and pretty much for being born. Because he resents having to take care of kids he made the choice to have. Not like I asked to be born, and I’ve been wishing I was dead since I was 9, but whatever. 

Anyway. 

So, the neighbor’s dad was diagnosed with lung cancer over the summer. Like 2 weeks later, he was dead. And she’s struggling just as much. We’ve been trying to help her and she’s been trying to help us. But her ex was paying her rent and some of the other bills until she found a job because they have a young son. But he started refusing to do that, which I honestly wouldn’t be surprised it if was the landlord’s doing cause they were talking. And he was telling her to “pull the plug” on us. And his wife started harassing her about rent like 2 weeks after her father died. Then, she went to Domestic relations earlier this week and then like the day after she goes, her ex somehow gets an emergency custody on the little guy. They came for him yesterday. 

She’s most likely going to have to move, which means that we’ll be losing power and internet unless we can figure something out to get our power back on. But even then, the bill’s supposedly at least $1300, and that won’t fix the internet problem. 

So... Needless to say, if I disappear suddenly in the near future, that’s why. I don’t want to go. I’ve spent too much time here, made too many friends, and put too much work into my muses. But everything is going to shit all at once. It’s just been building and building for the last 3 years, especially the last year, but my dad refuses to see and do anything about it. Instead, he’d rather blame everything on me and expect me to fix it. As if my mental health wasn’t bad enough from childhood abuse and being sick and stressed all the time. Now I’m too fucking scared to leave the house. I haven’t been outside since the midterms when I went to vote. But I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen now. And I just wanted everyone to know that I love them. And even if I do disappear, I still plan on keeping my muses and coming back when I can. Granted Tumblr doesn’t die before then. In which case the only blog i’m worried about losing is Elizabeth’s because of all the worldbuilding, metas, and headcanons I’ve done.

[maealbert]

The Liaison // P2

AU/MPF Characters: Team x OC (Lucy De Luca) A/N: I feel like the team needs a new Communications Liaison anyways so here part 2 for ya’ll. Part 1 Master List

taglist: @idkbutspencer @literallyprentissstwin @rawritsmolly @illegalcerebral @ultrarebelheart @chocok22 @etp666 @captainreid @tippy06 @cynbx @tenaciousarcadeexpert

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Friedrich Nietzsche

The elevators opened and out stepped an exhausted group of agents eager to get home to their own beds and to their families. “Let the ladies’ night begin!” Garcia exclaims throwing her hands in the air as she rests her arms on JJ’s desk.

“And that’s our que.” Matt says as he and Luke turn on their heels and head back for the elevator.

“Wait for me.” Spencer says as he quickly grabs his things off his desk and runs after the guys.

The following morning as the sun began to rise, JJ was the first to wake up. Head pounding and stomach churning. “Oh god..” She mutters she jumps up from the couch and makes a run for the bathroom. Being awakened by JJ’s hurling, Emily groans and turns over onto her stomach covering her ears with the pillows. Lucy turns over to look at the clock seeing that it was only hitting eight o’clock. Dragging herself out of bed, she goes to the kitchen and fills a cup for water and staggers back to the bedroom. She steps into the bathroom and sets the glass on the sink counter before rummaging through the closet for Advil. She bent down to her knees and tied JJ’s hair back before standing back up to wet a washcloth to press to her forehead. “Sorry..” JJ groans as she sits back against the wall. “I should’ve listened to Emily when she said not to mix drinks, but I couldn’t help it. They all tasted so good, I couldn’t stop myself. You picked out such great selections of booze, it was hard to just stick with just one.”

Lucy giggles before seeing Garcia stagger into the bathroom reaching for her toothbrush. “I totally forgot that Kevin and I made plans for brunch. I need to get ready.”

“We’ll leave you to it.” Lucy says as she helps JJ back up off the floor and back to the couch.

“Emily’s still not awake?” Garcia says as she bounces into the kitchen grabbing her purse off the counter. Lucy shakes her head before pouring some coffee.

“I’m gonna try to summon her awake with some coffee.”

“Well good luck, here’s my key just make sure to lock up when you all decide to leave if I’m not back. And if I’m not back, just leave the key under the mat.”

“I don’t think that’s a-”

“Trust me, no one is stupid enough to break into my apartment. Besides you can’t get inside without a code or being buzzed in.”

“Alright, whatever you say.” Lucy says before she heads to the bedroom. She slowly climbs onto the bed and wafts the steam of the coffee over to Emily’s face. “Emilyyy...” She softly sings. “It’s time to get uuuup.. I made coffeee..” Emily groans scrunching her face up and turning over once again. Lucy groans and climbs off the bed. “Come on, Em. Time to get up.”

“Just a few more minutes....” She says waving Lucy away.

“You said that three hours ago.” Lucy says sitting the coffee on the nightstand. “Come on.” She says pulling Emily up in a sitting position. “Up and at ‘em. JJ’s getting breakfast made.”

“She’s eating after she upchucked everything from last night?”

“She slept it off. Now let’s go. You need to shower.”

“You’re acting like my mother.”

“One of us has to.” Lucy says pulling Emily off of the bed and pushed her into the bathroom. “Be out in ten minutes for breakfast.” She adds before shutting the bathroom door and going back to the kitchen.

“Next time we have ladies’ night, make sure to just call me a cab so I can go home. I can’t sleep on the wood flooring again.” Tara says rubbing her back as she walks over to the kitchen island. “Where’d Garcia go?”

“Brunch with Kevin.” Lucy says as she pours herself some coffee. Suddenly a text comes in to Lucy’s phone from the Section Chief. She groans and sets her cup down. “Cruz just got a call from the Philadelphia Police. He wants me to come in and review the case.”

“Don’t make us take it. We just closed a case, I’m not ready to go back out there.” JJ says leaning on the counter top.

“I’ll do what I can, ladies. In the meantime, fill Emily in on the situation. I’ll let ya’ll know what goes on.” Lucy goes back to the bedroom just as Emily comes out of the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” She asks.

“Cruz just sent me a text. Philly’s trying to get us on a case but he wants me to review it first before there’s any decisions made.”

Emily groans and falls onto the bed. “I just want a free weekend, is it that hard to ask?”

“I’ll do what I can, but I’m not making any promises.” Lucy says as she leaves the bedroom.

Once the elevator opened she stepped out and went straight to her office to find Cruz pacing back and forth in front of the door. “Sir, I came as soon as I got your text.”

“I apologize from causing any hindrance to your recovery, but once I got the call there was no time to wait.” He says as Lucy unlocks her office door and lets him inside.

“What do you mean by recovery?” Lucy says as she sits down at her desk and motioning him to one across from her.

“I know about the ladies’ nights, Agent De Luca.” He says raising an eyebrow. “That and I could still smell the alcohol on your breath. Make sure you and the others brush their teeth before going out in the field. We don’t need people to think that this team is a bunch of alcoholics.”

“Duly noted, sir.” Lucy says with a nod of her head. “So what do we got?”

“I want you to take a look at these files and tell me what you think.”

Lucy takes the files from Cruz and opens the first one. Upon seeing the first photo in the file she immediately knew what case this was. “Copy cat.” She says looking up at Cruz.

“Yes, exactly. But Foyet is dead.” Cruz says. “Agent Hotchner beat him to death in 2009,” A story that Lucy wanted to forget. “Which is why I called you in to review this case with me. I need this team to go catch this killer.”

“And Hotchner? Have you contacted him yet? If this “copy cat” really is recreating Foyet’s murders, he’ll go after him.” Lucy says closing the file.

“After you review this case with the team, I’m ordering Agents Rossi and Prentiss to find Aaron and bring him and his son back here until the case is closed.”

“And if it doesn’t close?”

“We’ll figure something out when the time comes.” Cruz says before he stands up. “Call the team in. Catch this unsub.” He adds before leaving her office. Opening the file once more, Lucy goes over it thoroughly before sending a mass text to the team. Sticking her phone in her pocket she leaves her office to make copies for everyone.

“This better be a good one.” Rossi says as he walks in, still dressed a pair of jeans and a button up. One by one, each member filed in and gathered around the table. Garcia passes out the files while Lucy gets the screen ready.

“Before you open the files, I just want to show you what you’ll be investigating.” Lucy says as she pulls up the red eye. Spencer closes his eyes, Emily clenches her fists, and Rossi buries his face in his hands.

“What is this?” Luke asked.

“Oh newbie, seems someone wasn’t ever told.” Garcia says as she pats Luke’s shoulder.

“The Reaper.” Tara says. “I remember seeing it all over the news.”

“We have a winner.” Lucy says pulling up photos on the screen as  the team looked through their files. “But instead of going to Boston, we are headed to Philly.”

“Philly?” Rossi says furrowing his eyebrows.

Lucy nods her head. “Philly Police are just as confused. Which is why Cruz is having me consult with Boston PD while we work this case. They have case loads on him that they think could be helpful for us and-”

“And Philly has a witness.” Garcia says.

“What she said..” Lucy says sitting down at the table.

“Well that’s his first mistake. Foyet never left a witness..”

“And portraying himself as the victim doesn’t count.” Emily says before standing up from the table. “If he really is trying to be exactly like Foyet than we can’t waste anymore time. We should get going now.”

“Hey uh, Emily.” Lucy says standing up from the table. “Can I talk to you and Rossi real quick?”

“Let’s go.” Emily says as she leaves the briefing room.

“So what’s up?” Rossi says as he closes Emily’s office door. Emily leans against her desk folding her arms over her chest.

“When I was going over the case with Cruz earlier, I guess we were both thinking the same thing.” Lucy says.

“Like what?” Emily says leaning towards Lucy.

“Hotch..”

Emily and Rossi both look at each other before looking back at Lucy. “And?” Rossi says stepping closer to Lucy.

“Cruz wants the two of you to bring in Hotch and Jack. Like here.. To the BAU.”

“I was thinking about letting him tag along with us to Philly.” Rossi jokes earning a glare from Lucy.

“I’m being serious here.” Lucy says rolling her eyes. “Cruz thinks that if he sticks to Foyet’s pattern than Hotch will be part of that.”

“So he wants us to get him?” Emily says.

“I’m just the messenger.” Lucy says heading towards the door. “We’ll keep ya updated.” She adds before slipping out of the office. Meeting the others at the elevators, you already see Spencer looking at you, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Emily and Rossi isn’t coming?” He asks.

Lucy shakes her head. “Cruz ordered the two of them to bring in Hotch and keep him and Jack here in protective custody until we close this case.”

“He thinks whoever this is will go after Hotch?” JJ says.

Lucy nods her head. “He wants us to still go to Philly to help with the case while the two of them stay here with Hotch.”

“Then we should head out.” JJ says as she hits the elevator button.

Two days later

“Agents!”

“We need answers!”

“Is this really a copy cat of The Reaper?”

Lucy stops in her tracks. JJ turns to face her trying to keep her from losing her cool. Lucy takes in a deep breath and turns to face the press. All of the reporters stop talking and lean in closer to listen to what she has to say. “Agent De Luca, could the FBI be covering the tracks of George Foyet? Is he still alive?”

“I am going to say this once, and once only so listen carefully. If you miss what I say, tough, I’m not repeating myself.” Lucy clears her throat before speaking again. “George Foyet, famously known as The Reaper, is dead. This is a copy cat and we are warning all citizens state wide of this unsub. He is following every thing that Foyet did, which includes the same victimology and the same patterns. That is all.” She turns to leave as the reporters start to shout again hoping to get more answers than what they were given.

As the doors close behind her, JJ pats her back giving her a nod. “You did good handling that.” She says.

“Yes well, I was this close to wanting to explode.”

“Mmm.” JJ says with a chuckle. “I’ve been there one too many times.”

Spencer rushes up to the two ladies, clutching his phone in his hands. “Prentiss just texted everybody. She wants a conference call, now.”

Lucy pulls out of her phone seeing the group chat lighting up her phone.

Emily: Phone call now!

Rossi: Urgent call us now!

Garcia: What is going on? Everything okay?

Emily: We’ll discuss everything once we’re in the call.

Putting your phone away you follow behind JJ and Spencer into the conference room where the others were already calling Emily and Rossi. Seated at the table, everyone was waiting for Rossi or Emily to speak. But the voice that came through the speaker was one that no one on the team expected to hear.

Had to end it there. Pretty sure that you can figure out who would be the one talking. Part 3 coming soon.

If you liked this part, then please leave it some love!

Thank you! :)

Continue to Part 3