#like its easier for me to be trans than it is for me to keep pretending to be a person

[snekdood]

Some of yall deeply underestimate how much some cis men are threatened by trans men and our masculinity. How theres so many cis dudes out there that want to rape us, thinking that will make us detransition. How many incels out there are mad at us for betraying womanhood and not sucking their dick. How much they want to force us to detransition, how much they want to kill us and force us into hiding which, to me, minus well be killing us since theyre smothering who we are for the sake of a status quo. We shake their fundamental understanding of the world. Its one thing for a GIRL to be a tomboy to them. They think its cute, like a baby pretending to be an adult. Its a whole other thing for someone percieved as a woman to try to actually be a man to them. They think thw fact we have the gal to assume we can escape their grasp, to escape the kitchen or whatever tf, means we're disrespecting them and trying to "destroy" them, rather than what it really is, us trying to be independent. We're the exact thing these types of cis men hate. Sometimes they tolerate (emphasis here bc im not saying they accept yall. Dont twist my words)trans women bc they fetishize them but they want to completely eradicate us becayse we threaten the patriarchy by virtue of deciding we dont need a man to take care of us, we want to be the man that takes care of ourselves.

[stonyponyofficial]

i feel like i have species dysphoria more than actual trans gendered dysphoria. so where s the hrt for that hm??

[idledreams4]

I know I'm spending too much time on Tumblr cause y'all just call me Harlenn

I just got caught off guard when someone who I know keeps calling my by my dead name did exactly that.

I'm so used to hearing the name I want to that I got blindsided and also it's making me re-evaluate my friend choices...

[lumalalu]

i know that last post is abt americanization so i didnt wanna ramble in the tags since tags are more visible now and it doesnt feel the same as talking to myself but i was thinking abt how sasha is a gender neutral name but not to the people i would meet. the name i originally picked is gender neutral in that half the world thinks its masculine and the other half thinks its feminine. guess which half i live in. it doesnt matter bc its wrong either way.

people make fun of enbies w object names a lot but likw. if you just browse gender neutral names lists its really easy to see WHY people gravitate towards object names. there is no gendered correlation for "socks". the average person would assume it's a funny nickname, but they won't ask me if it's short for "ariana".

[cybernaght]

The fandom echo chamber: fanon, microanalysis and conspiracy brain 

As someone who has been in fandom spaces, on and off, for 20 years, I find some fascinating trends popping up in the last decade that I thought to be fandom-specific but clearly aren’t. So, I would like to do a little examination of where those things come from, how they are engaged with, and what it says about the way we consume media. This is a think piece, of sorts, with my brain being the main source. As such, we will spend some time down the memory lane of a fandom-focused millennial.

This is largely brought about by Good Omens. But it’s also not really about Good Omens at all.

Part one. Fanon.

The way we see characters in any story is always skewed by our very selves. This is a neutral statement, and it does not have a value judgement. It’s simply unavoidable. We recognise aspects of them, love aspects of them, and choose aspects of them to highlight based entirely on our own vision of the universe. 

Recognition comes into this. There is a reason so many protagonists of romance novels have a “blank slate” problem. Even when they do not, we love characters who are like us or versions of us that we would like to be. And when we say “we”, I also mean, “me”. 

(I remember very clearly this realisation hit me after a whole season of Doctor Who with writing which I hated utterly when I questioned why I still clung so incredibly hard to Clara Oswald as my favourite companion. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. Oh. Well. That would do it, wouldn’t it?)

Then, there is projection, and, again, this is a neutral statement. Projection exists, and it is completely normal and, dare I say it, valid way of engaging with — well, anything. Is the character queer? Trans? Neurodivergent? Are they in love? Do they like chocolate? Are they a cat person? Well, yes, if this is what the text says, but if the text does not say anything… You tell me. Please, do tell me. Because, in that moment of projection, they are yours. 

And then, there is fandom osmosis, and that is the most fascinating one of them all, the one that is not very easy to note while you are inside the echo chamber. It’s the way we collectively, consciously or not, make decisions on who or what the characters are, what their relationships are, and what happens to them.  

(Back when I was writing egregiously long Guardian recaps on this blog I actually asked if Shen Wei’s power being learning actually was stated anywhere in the canon of the show. Because I had no idea. I have read and reread dozen of fanfics where that is the case, and at some point through enough repetition, it became reality.)

We are all kind of making our own reality here, aren’t we? 

Back when things were happening in a much less centralised manner - in closed livejournal groups, and forums of all shapes and sizes - I don’t remember there being quite as much universally agreed upon fanon. Frankly, I don’t remember much of universally agreed upon anything. But now, everything is in one place: we have this, and we have AO3, and it’s wonderful, it really is so much easier to navigate, but it’s also one gigantic reality-shifting echo chamber, with blogs, reblogs, trends, and rituals. 

Accessibility plays its part, too. If you were, say, in Life on Mars (UK) fandom between seasons, and you wanted to post your speculation fic, you had to have had an account, and then find and gain access to one of the bigger groups (lifein1973 was my poison, but ymmv), and then, if you feel brave you may post it, but also, you may want to do so from your alt account if you wanted to keep yours separate, and then you would have to go through the whole process again. And I’m not saying that fan creations then were somehow inherently better for it than fan creations now (although Life on Mars Hiatus Era is perhaps a bad example - because some of the Speculation Fic there was breathtaking), but there is something to say about the ease of access that made the fandoms go through a big bang of sorts.

(I mean, come on, I can just come here and post this - and I am certain people will read it, and this blog is a pandemic cope baby about Chinese television for goodness sake.)

The canon transformations that happen in the fandom echo chamber truly are fascinating to witness as someone who is more or less a fandom butterfly. I get into something, float around for a bit, then get into something else and move on. I might come back eventually when the need arises, but I don’t sustain a hiatus mind-state. This means that when I float away and return, I find some very intriguing stuff.

Let’s actually look at Good Omens here. Season two aired, and I found it spectacular in its cosy and anguished way; deliberately and intelligently fanfic-y in its plot building; simple but subversive, and so very tender. (I will have to circle back to this eventually, because, truly, I love how deliberately it takes the tropes and shatters them - it’s glorious). And, to me - a person who read the book, watched the first season, hung around AO3 for a few weeks and moved on - absolutely on-point in terms of characterisation. 

So imagine my surprise when the fandom disagreed so vehemently that there are actual multi-tiered theories on how characters were not in possession of their senses. Nothing there, in my mind, ever contradicted any of the stated text, as it stood. This remained a strange little mystery until I did what I always do when I flutter close to an ongoing fandom.

I loaded AO3 and sorted the existing fic by popularity. And there it was, all there: the actual earth-shattering mutual devotion of the angel and the demon; willingness to Fall; openness and long heart-aching confession speeches. There was all of the fanon surrounding Aziraphale and Crowley, which, to me, read as out of character, and to one for whom they became the reality over the last four years, read as truth. 

Again, only neutral statements here. This is not a bad thing, and neither this is a good thing, this is just something that happens, after a while, especially when there are years for the fandom-born ideas to bounce around and stew. I can’t help but think that so much of what we see as real in spaces such as this one is a chimaera of the actual source and all the collective fan additions which had time and space to grow, change, develop, and inspire, reverberating over and over again, until the echoes fill the entirety of the space. 

Eventually, this chimaera becomes a reality. 

Part two. Microanalysis 

Here are my two suppositions on the matter:

1. Some writers really love breadcrumb storytelling. 

Russel T Davies, for instance, on his run of Doctor Who (and, if you are reading it much later - I do mean the original one), loved that technique for his seasonal arcs. What is a Bad Wolf? Who is Harold Saxon? Well, you can watch very very carefully, make a theory, and see it proven right or wrong by the end of the season. 

Naturally, mystery box writers are all about breadcrumb storytelling: your Losts and your Westworlds are all about giving you snippets to get your brain firing, almost challenging you to figure things out just ahead of the reveal. 

2. We, as humans, love breadcrumbs.

And why wouldn’t we? Breadcrumbs are delicious. They are, however, a seasoning, or a coating. They are not the meal. 

Too much metaphor?

Let’s unpack it and start from the beginning.

Pattern recognition colours every aspect of our lives, and it colours the way we view art to a great extent. I think we truly underestimate how much it’s influenced by our lived experiences.

If you are, broadly speaking, living somewhere in Western/North-Western Europe in the 14th century, and you see a painting in which there is a very very large figure surrounded by some smaller figures and holding really tiny figures, you may know absolutely nothing about who those figures are, but you know that the big figure is the Important One, and the small ones are Less Important Ones, and the tiny ones are In Their Care. You know where your reverence would lie, looking at this picture. And, I imagine, as someone living in the 14th century, you may be inspired to a sense of awe looking at this composition, because in the world you live in, this is how art works. 

If you, on the other hand, watch a piece of recorded media and see the eyes of two characters meet as the violins swell, you know what you are being told at that moment. You don’t have to have a film degree to feel a sort of way when you see a green-tinged pallet used, when cross-cuts use juxtaposing images, or notice where your focus is pulled in any given shot. This stuff - this recognition of patterns - has been trained into us by the simple fact that we live in this time, on this planet, and we have been doing so long enough to have engaged recorded media for a period of time. 

As humans, we notice things. Our brains flare up when they see something they recognise, and then we seek to find other similar details and form a bigger picture. This often happens unconsciously, but sometimes it does not. Sometimes we do it on purpose: finding breadcrumbs in stories is a little bit like solving a mystery. It allows us to stretch that brain muscle that puts two and two together. It makes us feel clever. 

So yes, we love breadcrumbs, and, frankly, quite a lot of storytelling takes advantage of this. It’s very useful for foreshadowing, creating thematic coherence, or introducing narrative parallels and complexity. It’s useful for nudging the viewer into one or the other emotional direction, or to cue them into what will happen in the next moment, or what exactly is the one important detail they should pay attention to.

Because this is something media does intentionally, and something we pick up both consciously and not, it is very hard to know when to stop. We don't really ever know when all of the breadcrumbs have been collected. It becomes very easy to get carried away. There is a very specific kind of pleasure in digging into content frame by frame, soundbite by soundbite, chasing that pleasure of finding. 

But it is almost never breadcrumbs all the way down. They are techniques to help us focus on the main event: the story. I truly believe those who make media want it to reach the widest possible audience, and that includes all of us who like to watch every single thing ever created with our Media Analysis Goggles on and those who are just here to enjoy the twists and turns of the story at the pace offered to them. And I think, sometimes in our chase to collect and understand every little clue we forget that media is not made to just cater for us.

One can call it missing a forest for the trees. But I would hate to mix my metaphors, so let’s call it missing a schnitzel for the breadcrumbs. 

Part three. The Conspiracy Brain. 

If you are there with me, in the midst of the excited frenzy, chasing after all those delicious breadcrumbs, then patterns can grow, merge together, and become all-encompassing theories. Let’s call them conspiracy theories, even though this is not what they truly are.

So, why do we believe in conspiracy theories?

One, Because We Have Been Lied To. 

All conspiracies start with distrust.

If you are in fandom spaces - especially if you are in fandom spaces which revolve around a queer fictional couple - especially-especially if you have been in such spaces for a period of time, you have most certainly been lied to at one point or another. 

We don’t even have to talk about Sherlock - and let’s not do that - but do you remember Merlin? Because I remember Merlin. Specifically, I remember the publicity surrounding the first season, with its weaponised usage of “bromance” and assertions that this whole thing is a love story of sorts, and then the daunting realisation that this was all a stunt, deliberately orchestrated to gather viewership. 

And, because we were lied to in such a deliberate manner for such an extensive period of time, I genuinely believe that it forever altered our pattern recognition habits, because what was this if not encouragement to read into things? Now we are trained to read between the lines or see little cries for help where they might not be. Because we were told, over and over again, that we should.

(Yes, I think we are all existing in these spaces coloured by the trauma of queer-bating. I am, however, looking forward to a world where I can unlearn all of that.)

Two, Cognitive Dissonance.

The chain reaction works a bit like this: the world is wrong - it can’t possibly be wrong by coincidence - this must be on purpose - someone is responsible for it.

Being Lied To is a preamble, but cognitive dissonance is where it all originates. In so many cross-fandom theories I have noticed a four-step process:

A) this is not good

B) this author could not have made a mistake 

C) this must be done on purpose

D) here is why 

(Funny thing is, I have been on the receiving end of the small conspiracy spiral, and it is a very interesting experience. Not relevant to this conversation is the fact that a lot of my job revolves around storytelling. What is relevant is that my hobbies also revolve around storytelling. And one of them is DnD. Now, imagine my genuine shock when one of the players I am currently writing a campaign for noticed a small detail that did not make a logical sense within the complexity of the world, and latched on to it as something clearly indicating some kind of a secret subplot. Their thinking process also went a bit like this: this detail is not a good piece of writing — this DM knows how to tell stories well — this is obviously there on purpose. It was not there on purpose. I created a clumsy shorthand. I erred, in that pesky manner humans tend to. And, seeing this entire thought process recited to me directly in the moment, I felt somewhere between flattered and mortified.)

This whole line of thinking, I think, exists on a knife’s edge between veneration and brutal criticism, relentlessly dissecting everything “wrong”, with a reverent “but this is deliberate” attached to it like a vice, because it is preferable to a simple conclusion that the author let you down, in one way or another. 

Three, Intentionality 

I believe that there is no right or wrong way of engaging with stories, regardless of their medium, and assuming no one gets hurt in the process. While in a strictly academic way, there is a “correct” way of reading (and reading into) media, we here are largely not academics but consumers; consumption is subjective.

However, this all changes when intentionality is ascribed. 

The one I find particularly fascinating is the intentionality of “making it bad on purpose” because, as open-minded as I intend to always be, this just does not happen.

It certainly does not happen in long-form media. Even in the bread-crumb mystery box-type long-form media. 

When television programs underdeliver, they also underperform, and then they get cancelled.

If all the elements of Westworld Season 4 that did not sit together in a completely satisfactory way were written deliberately as some sort of deconstruction for the final season to explore, then it failed because that final season will now never come.

(There will likely never be a Secret Fourth Episode.)

And look, I am not here to refute your theories. Creativity is fun, and theorising is fantastic. 

But, perhaps, when the line of thought ventures into the “bad on purpose” territory, it could be recognised for what it is: disappointment and optimism, attempting to coexist in a single space. And I relate to that, I do, and I am sorry that there is even a need for this line of thinking. It’s always so incredibly disappointing that a creator you believed to be devoid of flaws makes something that does not hit in the way you hoped it would. It’s pretty heartbreaking. 

Unfortunately, people make mistakes. We are all fallible that way. 

Four, Wildfire.

Then, when the crumbs are found, a theory is crafted, and intentionality is ascribed, all that needs to happen is for it to catch on. And hey, what better place for it than this massive hollow funnel that we exist in, where thoughts, ideas and interpretations reverberate so much they become inextricable from the source material in collective consciousness. 

Conspiracy theories create alternate realities, very much like we all do here. 

So where are we now?

I am not here to tell you what is right and what is wrong; what is true, and what is not. We are all entitled to engage with anything we wish, in whichever way we wish to do it. This is not it, at all. 

All I am saying is… listen.

Do you hear that echo? 

I do. 

[lycandrophile]

I bet the transfem tag doesn’t have half as much transmasc porn deliberately tagged wrong as the transmasc tag has transfem porn

For every transmasc post I see there’s two porn accounts to block

Just pisses me off. I want to see posts about transmascs!!!

while i think you are probably right about the fact that there isn’t going to be as much transmasc porn in the transfem tag (though i can’t say i’m 100% certain, it’s not like i’ve ever scrolled through both tags and actually counted) and i do find the amount of porn in our tags frustrating, i want to talk a bit about the way this issue is being framed.

the thing you have to remember about porn bots is that you can’t think of them as real people. the whole point of them is to make money by pushing those links into popular tags so as many people see them as possible. they want people to click the link, so they show it to as many people as they can. so when you see these posts, you have to keep in mind that there’s not an individual person sitting behind a screen making specific decisions about whose tags to fuck over or what kind of porn to advertise, those decisions are most likely made based on some sort of algorithm designed to make as much money as possible.

so let’s think about it critically — why might we be seeing so much transfem porn in transmasc tags?

well, a lot of these bots are probably using our tag because tumblr has a lot of transmascs who use those tags. the trans communities on different sites are going to have different demographics, and if you’ve ever seen a poll going around with different choices for transmascs and transfems, you’ve seen just how dramatic the difference in numbers on here can be. these bots are targeting our tags because there are a lot of us here and we tend to be very active which means the bots have a better chance of getting clicks, not because an actual person decided they wanted to fuck over our tags specifically.

and why does the porn tend to be transfem porn? i can’t say for sure, but i’ll tell you my theories. first of all, i’m guessing these bots are using trans porn because tumblr has a lot of very active trans tags, and they probably take that into account — they assume that people in trans tags are more likely to want trans porn. the tag matches the link’s key words in that way, so that’s what their formula for getting clicks thinks we want to see. and i’m guessing it’s transfem porn specifically because there’s just more of that — transfem porn is much easier to find than transmasc porn, and it’s also probably seen as a better bet for these bots because being more popular means more people will want to click it. and that doesn’t stem from people preferring transfems over transmascs or anything like that, it stems from the rampant fetishization of transfems. these accounts aren’t actual transfem sex workers choosing to put their content in the transmasc tags, they’re bots doing what they think is going to make money. they don’t care how transfems feel about it being used and they don’t care how transmascs feel about seeing it instead of what we were actually looking for.

so while i absolutely share your frustration with our tags being overrun with porn, i don’t like how the issue has been framed by a lot of people as a transmasc vs transfem issue. i get how on the surface, it seems like our tags are having more of a problem with it and that must be for a reason, but the reason doesn’t actually have anything to do with our identities — it has everything to do with what bots think is the best way to get us to click their links.

this problem has nothing to do with transmasc vs transfem, and everything to do with the fact that tumblr won’t take care of its bot problem. if you want to get mad at someone for the fact that you can’t see the content you’re looking for without wading through countless porn bots, that’s where your anger should be going: toward the site that hasn’t done anything about it.

i wanted to lay this all out because while you didn’t explicitly blame transfems for this issue in your ask (you more so just said they don’t have to deal with it to the degree we do), i’ve seen posts with a similar tone that do imply that transfems are somehow behind this issue, and that honestly frustrates me more than the issue itself. blaming transfems for this isn’t fair to them — this is a bot issue, not an issue with real people on the site — and it also doesn’t do us any favors because it makes people less likely to take us seriously when we talk about things that are actually specifically targeting our community spaces.

and even though you didn’t take that explicit blaming stance in your ask, i think this issue being brought up as a “transmasc issue” at all reflects a fundamental misunderstanding of exactly why it happens the way it does. so i want this to serve as a reminder that when we have a conversation about something in our community, we have to think critically about the way we’re framing that conversation and make sure we have a good understanding of the root of the problem at hand.

because this really isn’t an issue that should be framed as transmasc vs transfem. i’m sure it’s not any less frustrating for transfems to see porn that fetishizes their bodies plastered all over the site than it is for us to have to dig through that porn to find the content we’re looking for. and it’s not really an issue that has anything to do with the fact that the tags are for transmascs at all. you say someone is deliberately mistagging into our tags, but it’s deliberate on a level that has nothing to do with the individual tags being used.

if we want to have conversations about the ways transmascs are uniquely mistreated, that comes with a responsibility to make sure the things we talk about are actually examples of a unique form of mistreatment and not symptoms of a totally different issue. we have to be careful not to pick the wrong battles, especially if doing so could artificially pit us against transfems who haven’t actually done anything wrong.

i worry that the struggles we’ve had in making our voices heard within our community have made some of us start to see our transfem sisters and siblings as the enemy by default, so i want to strongly caution everyone contributing to these conversations to think deeply about how you’re framing what you’re saying and if it’s actually appropriate before suggesting that any particular issue is a matter of transmascs vs transfems. there are definitely situations where the root of the issue is lateral aggression or intracommunity conflict, but this isn’t one of them and the fact that so many people have interpreted it that way really doesn’t reflect well on us.

i’m just as annoyed by the porn bots in our tags as the next guy, but this isn’t the way to go about having that conversation.

[talkbycolor]

I deserve this

A/N; at this point its obvious that i inspire in rebzyyx songs

Pairing; "Your Boyfriend" x AFAB!Reader (cus people are scared of the word trans)

CW; reader becomes willing at the end i swear / unhealthy, obsessive and possesive love / sensitive topics such as mental health, depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment, dissociation, suicidal thoughts / a crazy concept: he talks about his emotions!! / non-con, violence, like, i cry while i masturbate

It's quite blurry trying to remember how it all started, it seemed harmless to accept a date from a stranger, he gave you a beautiful rose and was quite kind to you.

Feeling that people could like you, that someone could be romantically interested in you, because of who you are, your personality, that they knew your… desires?

Because you had dreams, of course.

…

Your dream was to live, to live a quiet life, a stable, pleasant job, with good pay, a normal and peaceful life, where the deep emptiness in your heart was non-existent, years had passed and the monotonous feeling did not disappear, you had already accepted the pain, after all, if you felt that constantly it was probably because you did something wrong at some point, right?

But that was a personal dream that would never be shared.

And it's not like that matters now, not when you're in… A room, that's funny, your last memory is of Peter slamming you against the table to tie your limbs since their last date didn't end as expected and It was time to go home.

Return to an empty home, for what? Peter was more than willing to take care of you, why was he so scary? Accepting it would have made things easier, but you ruined everything by trying to run away, you even fought tooth and nail, that was too pathetic now that you remember it, maybe you DO deserve all the shit that is happening.

You could have saved yourself so much terror and attacks.

"PETER ENOUGH! PLEASE! LET ME GO! NO! NO! FUCK, PLEASE!" You tore out your throat with terrified screams and tried to claw at his skin until your fingers were bloody, biting the hands that tried to stop your screams, hitting his face with your elbows and kicking him away, crawling like a dying animal away from him. "PETER!" You sobbed sharply before losing consciousness.

But nothing worked, resisting only made all that shit worse and now you were tied up, in Your boyfriend's old clothes.

You barely remember how you got to that place, or if time passed, anyway that doesn't matter anymore, from one day to the next you find a very small piece of clothing that turned out to be yours, time passed, your body grew but your mind didn't, they keep lying but you know that your life will depend on how well you do it.

And you're not doing it right, you tried to adopt toxic happiness but you couldn't even maintain it for a while before exploding, sadness was already an everyday thing and you just weren't feeling it anymore.

"Dear?"

Just peace please, how hard could that be? It was annoying, you even felt angry for feeling so empty, because people were so rude and the constant rejection killed you socially.

It was hard to breathe, wasn't it?

"Love? Do you hear me?"

It feels like the end, your soul is bleeding, you wish your stupid job made you feel a little more alive and motivated to continue.

And now you have done so many things to escape from that monster that pulls you back to the room to devour you under the bed.

"Darling!" Your boyfriend's voice echoed through the room, making you look at him once and for all, your eyes tired despite having been unconscious most of the time.

"…" You wanted to respond, really, but what were you supposed to say?

"You must be exhausted, you didn't even touch dinner" It was a tricky phrase, he had tried to feed you since you were tied up.

"Peter-…"

"I already told you that I prefer to be called other way, honey" He responded with a smile and a definitely not irritated tone.

"I want to sleep" He left your lips, he was being so caring, taking care of your health.

He kidnapped you.

And you couldn't even thank him for it.

He knocked you out.

You really were an ungrateful shit, weren't you?

He locked you up.

You wanted to return the signs of affection.

Soon the ropes left your body, Peter helped you stand up and you both walked to the bedroom, he was still carrying a small plate with a light dinner, he refused to let you go to bed without having eaten dinner.

Once in bed, he made sure that you had a proper dinner, and he helped you change your clothes so that you would be comfortable in bed, he also did the same with his attire and now you were both lying down. It always made your stomach churn when he looked at your half-naked body.

"Dear" He murmured next to you while you tried to sleep as soon as possible, so many things had happened those last few days that the only way out was to sleep, you had probably already been fired from your job for not showing up. "Honey, love, darling," he said sweetly as his hand went up to your cheek, he simply looked at you with a huge and probably painful smile on his face, almost tattooed, you made him so happy with your mere presence.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, your mind still cloudy enough to refuse anything, so you just went up to kiss him, the room was very dark and there weren't even crickets echoing at night, the amount of silence was overwhelming… of course, that didn't count the lip-smacking they shared.

So it continued.

For a long time.

"Pet-…uhm, I mean, honey, I'm tired and I want to sleep" You interrupted the honey session.

"Please, you don't have to do anything, just let me love you, darling" his voice was soft, soothing to that darkness but not to the painful weight in your heart and the knot in your stomach, his touches felt strange.

You know that's wrong, you don't like it.

You didn't stop him, just like he said, you let him love you as you closed your eyes and a buzzing sound echoed in your head, like television static, your bottom clothes had disappeared, but that didn't matter.

You couldn't hear anything, you didn't see anything, your body reacted but your mind was very far from that place, you wandered through your memories, fantasies of a life you were never going to have.

It was really digging into your cunt, huh? Even when your mind wanted to flee somewhere else, it was undeniable how he held your thighs and you gasped heavily with each thrust.

His member was still dripping his seed, did he use protection? You don't know, you don't care.

It doesn't matter.

B e cau se s oon y o u w il l b e d ea d.

"Honey? Didn't you enjoy it?" Peter asked with a worried frown.

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you no longer have respect for yourself? You know it's going to hurt you.

Don't you mind dying? You lost hope and you don't even try to help yourself anymore, damned and pathetic attempt at being human, really unnecessary.

"Honey…" Peter caressed your cheeks and brought his forehead to yours, sighing softly and carrying your body to the bathroom in the room.

You didn't say anything either, you just felt how it was cleaning your body, the water was warm, the bathtub full of bubbles, and it smelled pretty good, like coconut soap. Peter hummed quietly as he treated your body with the utmost affection, you were sure he was whispering things in your ear but you were barely aware of your surroundings.

When your eyes finally focused on something you could see the ceiling of the room thanks to the moonlight, Peter was behind you, hugging your body, caressing your hair, and sniffing the soapy fragrance.

"You are so sweet, so unique, so kind, so special to me, a truly exceptional person, I will do everything to make you feel comfortable, darling, I love you so much, my adorable-…"

"Peter"

"… Yes love?" This time he didn't argue about that name, you were finally talking and that was good.

"I'm sorry I feel so alone, I know you're here but…" You wish you could give him an answer but that was something even you hadn't figured out yet.

"It's okay, honey, I'll be with you to hold you, forever."

♡

[dandelionsresilience]

Good News - August 15-21

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1. Smart hives and dancing robot bees could boost sustainable beekeeping

“[Researchers] developed a digital comb—a thin circuit board equipped with various sensors around which bees build their combs. Several of these in each hive can then transmit data to researchers, providing real-time monitoring. [… Digital comb] can [also] be activated to heat up certain parts of a beehive […] to keep the bees warm during the winter[…. N]ot only have [honeybee] colonies reacted positively, but swarm intelligence responds to the temperature changes by reducing the bees' own heat production, helping them save energy.”

2. Babirusa pigs born at London Zoo for first time

“Thanks to their gnarly tusks […] and hairless bodies, the pigs are often called "rat pigs" or "demon pigs” in their native Indonesia[….] “[The piglets] are already looking really strong and have so much energy - scampering around their home and chasing each other - it’s a joy to watch. They’re quite easy to tell apart thanks to their individual hair styles - one has a head of fuzzy red hair, while its sibling has a tuft of dark brown hair.””

3. 6,000 sheep will soon be grazing on 10,000 acres of Texas solar fields

“The animals are more efficient than lawn mowers, since they can get into the nooks and crannies under panel arrays[….] Mowing is also more likely to kick up rocks or other debris, damaging panels that then must be repaired, adding to costs. Agrivoltaics projects involving sheep have been shown to improve the quality of the soil, since their manure is a natural fertilizer. […] Using sheep instead of mowers also cuts down on fossil fuel use, while allowing native plants to mature and bloom.”

4. Florida is building the world's largest environmental restoration project

“Florida is embarking on an ambitious ecological restoration project in the Everglades: building a reservoir large enough to secure the state's water supply. […] As well as protecting the drinking water of South Floridians, the reservoir is also intended to dramatically reduce the algae-causing discharges that have previously shut down beaches and caused mass fish die-offs.”

5. The Right to Repair Movement Continues to Accelerate

“Consumers can now demand that manufacturers repair products [including mobile phones….] The liability period for product defects is extended by 12 months after repair, incentivising repairs over replacements. [… M]anufacturers may need to redesign products for easier disassembly, repair, and durability. This could include adopting modular designs, standardizing parts, and developing diagnostic tools for assessing the health of a particular product. In the long run, this could ultimately bring down both manufacturing and repair costs.”

6. Federal Judge Rules Trans Teen Can Play Soccer Just In Time For Her To Attend First Practice

“Today, standing in front of a courtroom, attorneys for Parker Tirrell and Iris Turmelle, two transgender girls, won an emergency temporary restraining order allowing Tirrell to continue playing soccer with her friends. […] Tirrell joined her soccer team last year and received full support from her teammates, who, according to the filing, are her biggest source of emotional support and acceptance.”

7. Pilot study uses recycled glass to grow plants for salsa ingredients

“"We're trying to reduce landfill waste at the same time as growing edible vegetables," says Andrea Quezada, a chemistry graduate student[….] Early results suggest that the plants grown in recyclable glass have faster growth rates and retain more water compared to those grown in 100% traditional soil. [… T]he pots that included any amount of recyclable glass [also] didn't have any fungal growth.”

8. Feds announce funding push for ropeless fishing gear that spares rare whales

“Federal fishing managers are promoting the use of ropeless gear in the lobster and crab fishing industries because of the plight of North Atlantic right whales. […] Lobster fishing is typically performed with traps on the ocean bottom that are connected to the surface via a vertical line. In ropeless fishing methods, fishermen use systems such an inflatable lift bag that brings the trap to the surface.”

9. Solar farms can benefit nature and boost biodiversity. Here’s how

“[… M]anaging solar farms as wildflower meadows can benefit bumblebee foraging and nesting, while larger solar farms can increase pollinator densities in surrounding landscapes[….] Solar farms have been found to boost the diversity and abundance of certain plants, invertebrates and birds, compared to that on farmland, if solar panels are integrated with vegetation, even in urban areas.”

10. National Wildlife Federation Forms Tribal Advisory Council to Guide Conservation Initiatives, Partnerships

“The council will provide expertise and consultation related to respecting Indigenous Knowledges; wildlife and natural resources; Indian law and policy; Free, Prior and Informed Consent[… as well as] help ensure the Federation’s actions honor and respect the experiences and sovereignty of Indigenous partners.”

August 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[givemearmstopraywith]

this is the last thing im going to say about taylor swift because now i keep getting messages in varying degrees of outrage about off-the-cuff comments i've made about her. the problem i have with taylor swift and her fanbase is not with her as a person or really with the art she creates: all art is art even if i don't personally like it. what i have a problem with is that taylor swift has kind of became a very palatable, very white, very upper class foil on which people can plaster "morally correct" opinions, like being a feminist or a lesbian ally, without actually having to engage with the real, more difficult side of those issues. it is much easier, both socially and personally (especially if you are centrist) to hold up taylor swift's alleged bisexuality or the conspiracy about her being a lesbian as a sign of your allyship than it is to engage with real-life lesbians, who are frequently not pretty, thin, white, and upper middle class.

additionally, it is easier to pinion your feminism on someone like taylor swift than it is to engage with feminism in a world where now being feminist requires you to, for instance, speak out in support palestinians who do not have access to basic menstrual hygiene and are at risk of disease as a result, or think critically about women working outside of the home in the midst of a very prevalent movement touting the lucrative values of "traditional womanhood" to thinly disguise misogyny and chattel marriage, or engage in the very real and extraordinarily detrimental exclusion of trans women. taylor swift is easy: most women are not.

i think taylor swift is fine: i grew up with her and a lot of her music still holds value for me. but touting her as some feminist vanguard is a bit hollow to me: she's really not radical, because she looks out for her interests first and foremost (which is not a bad thing: everyone, especially women, have to be self-preservative- accusations of self interest are not automatically negative nor even really accusations) and then is treated by her fanbase as the model for all women. its a matter, i guess, of public perception, and how much easier it is to engage in white feminism than it is to delve into the real grit and heart of what feminism is or ought to be. however, if she wants to gone girl that jock she's dating, i will support her.

[clownhara]

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

[cripple-punk-dad]

i hope you don’t mind this but like i’m 14 (not white, trans, gay, that stuff) and seeing a lot of people talk about how a lot of countries are going far right & extremism is coming back in full swing & no rainbow capitalism, etc is kind of scary. how do i like. not be so scared all the time? i just thought you’d know but if this is a weird ask i totally get it

It is scary. It's downright terrifying, looking out into the world and seeing the pattern of hatred, bigotry, and violence that is feels like its only growing more prevalent. Sometimes it feels like I'm on an island in a huge ocean of people who just want me to die, or change who I am, or both.

Not only that, but being 14 is fucking terrifying. You're not an adult yet, so you can't enact 'real change', you can't even drive (in the U.S) so your transportation is limited. You can't (legally) even get a job or anything. The world has done pretty much everything it can to keep you feeling scared. That's really hard to deal with!

This is usually where I'd say something dramatic, like "don't let them get away with that." But that's easier said than done. And that doesn't really answer your question, either. So instead I'll say this: It's hard to be scared when you 1) know your enemy, and 2) have other things to focus on. I don't mean that you should go debate every conservative you see, or even interact with them. But taking the time to understand the ideologies of fascism, alt-right conservatism, TERFS, white supremacists, etc. not only helps you to see how wrong they are, but also how they always fail and will continue to fail. This is also a good time to research and reinforce your own ideologies and beliefs. No one is immune to propaganda, but it's a lot easier to recognize it if you know what you're looking for.

But don't let that consume you. Remember, these people want you to be scared and isolated. If you spend all your time obsessing over everything wrong with the world (which is very easy with social media and the internet) then the people who want you gone will only grow stronger. So it really is a good idea to fight against that by building up a community of friends, and by building yourself up too. What I mean is this: Go outside, look at the ground, find a weird bug you don't know anything about. Read the obituaries in a newspaper. Go dumpster diving. Learn about something that interests you. Write a letter to somebody and never send it (or do). Pick up a weird hobby. You can just start gluing shit together, no one is gonna stop you, there are a lot less rules than you think.

But above all, remember that while history is full of empires collapsing, and wars, and horrors beyond imagination. The fall of Rome didn't happen overnight, it happened over centuries. But even in the midst of all that, people still made art, and had families, and not only survived, but lived fulfilling lives. I promise that you can and will be able to do that too. The sun will continue to shine, the grass will continue to grow, and the Earth will keep on spinning.

[ghostsandmermaids]

Fandom Manifesto: Hello From The Hallowoods

(Originally written for the Fandomanifesto community on Pillowfort.)

Here's a (mostly spoiler-free) fandom manifesto for my favorite podcast, Hello From The Hallowoods. (Please try to keep the comments on this post spoiler-free as well.)

What is a fandom manifesto?

Inspired by ship manifestos, a fandom manifesto is an essay meant to introduce people to a fandom and promote it by explaining its appeal. It's a really fun tradition that I would love to keep going.

What is Hello From The Hallowoods?

Darker than your dreams, and farther North than you remember, there is a forest where life and death meet…

Hello From The Hallowoods is a queer horror podcast written and produced by William A. Wellman (they/them). This is the official description (taken from Spotify):

Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, a cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.

It's set in a forest in northern Canada (the Hallowoods) in a post-apocalyptic world plagued by the black rains. The story follows the inhabitants of the Hallowoods—only some of whom are alive and human—as their lives become increasingly interconnected. 

The podcast is narrated by Nikignik (he/they), also known as One Hundred Eyes in the Dark, an eldritch god who speaks directly to the listener via their nightmares. He begins to tell these stories because he's grieving his partner, another god called Marolmar (he/him), and humans were the last thing Marolmar created. Over time, Nikignik changes from a more passive narrator to an active character in the story.

There are a lot of characters, including but not limited to:

a nonbinary Frankenstein's creature piercing together their identity

a trans ghost dealing with his occultist father

an invisible man finding love at first sight

a genderfluid storm witch trying to prove themself

a retired rockstar and her punk butch lesbian daughter

a floral-suit-wearing demon on a celestial audit of earth

a starwolf on a mission to kill said demon

a killer robot skull and his pet dead seagull

an unkindness of ravens (yes, they are one character)

… and many, many more.

How scary is it?

It's a horror podcast, so there are some scary moments, but for me, the story feels very comforting and bittersweet as it explores horror tropes in a really unique way. According to the website:

It's been described as a show that helps you sleep easier, rather than one that keeps you up at night.

The story also explores themes like religious trauma, isolation, death, grief, and queerphobia, so please check the content warnings at the end of each episode description or at the start of each episode transcript. Transcripts are available on the website.

Why should I listen to it?

If the description above didn't convince you, here are some more reasons why you should listen to Hello From The Hallowoods. 

There is so much content! I often complain about books being almost always standalones or duologies lately and TV seasons only being 8-10 episodes. If I really like something, I want to spend as much time with it as possible!

With HFTH, I don't have that problem because there is so much to listen to! There are currently (almost) 150 episodes available (plus a few live shows and bonus episodes), and new episodes come out every Wednesday. There are also weekly 100-word bonus stories on Patreon, and a tie-in novel called One Hundred Eyes In The Dark is currently in the works, so if you're looking for a story you can get really invested in (or if you're angry that all your favorite shows have been canceled), HFTH is perfect for you!

There are so many queer characters, disabled characters, and characters of color! If you're looking for a really diverse show, you will love HFTH. (I cried when I heard a character describe herself as aromantic.) But even aside from the diversity, the characters are just amazing. I mean, "What if Frankenstein's creature got love and support and was an absolute cinnamon roll?" is the perfect character concept. The villains are also really compelling and well-written. 

It's a great introduction to podcasts, especially for book lovers, because it often feels like a very immersive audiobook! The voice acting and music are incredible, and even though there are a lot of characters, you can tell them apart very easily by their voices. If you like fantasy and horror books, this could be your introduction to the world of audio dramas. 

That being said, if you have listened to other horror podcasts before, you will still love this one! It sometimes reminds me of Welcome To Night Vale, but the setting and characters are very unique, and the writing is so, so beautiful. 

It's also a great introduction to horror! I used to avoid horror media because I get scared very easily, but horror podcasts (and especially Hello From The Hallowoods) made me discover how much I actually enjoy horror. HFTH explores horror tropes in such a kind, unique, and hopeful way, and as sappy as that sounds, listening to it makes the horrors of everyday life a little easier to deal with. 

If you like Malevolent (another really great horror podcast), Harlan Guthrie has a guest role in HFTH! You might also recognize Mx. Wellman's voice from other podcasts like WOE.BEGONE, The Silt Verses or Old Gods of Appalachia. 

The fandom is amazing! Everyone is so kind and talented, and we always have a lot of fun theorizing about what will happen next. There's even a fan-run Discord server!

We also have a fan wiki, and in addition to the official information, we also have a "fun gender" for each character. Here are some of my favorites:

Tumblr Sexyman (Official)

Eye-Affiliated Podcast Host

Deer that will fuck you up

Whatever the hell was going on with the guy from Shape Of Water

Nightmare Personality

Hot Topic Goth

Dilf Automobile

How do I listen to it?

You can listen to Hello From The Hallowoods on the podcatcher of your choice. Here are some suggestions from the Hallowoods website:

Spotify

Apple Podcasts

Podbean

YouTube

Google Podcasts

It's not an anthology, so please listen to it from the beginning to see how the different characters and plot threads come together. 

The show is entirely ad-free and sponsor-free, so if you like it and want to financially support it, please consider joining the show’s Patreon.

And that's it! There are many things I didn't include for spoiler reasons, but this should give you a basic idea of what HFTH is about and why I love it so much. 

I hope I convinced you to listen to Hello From The Hallowoods, and maybe you will love it as much as I do!

[widxwed]

TaskForce 141 x Male Medic Reader

❛ Just let me help you ❜

- A / N : first post! Sorry if its short, I'm ill at the moment

Simon " Ghost " Riley

💀 ⁾ he tries to hide his pain from you

💀 ⁾ when you do find out he tries to push you and tell you he's okay when he really isn't. he doesn't understand that you don't find him weak and they you actually want to help him. not call him weak

💀 ⁾ when you finally convince him to let you help him he is a bitch about it the whole time. he " doesn't need your help ". you obviously beg to differ

💀 ⁾ he stays still for you though. he doesn't fight you

💀 ⁾ ghost won't tell you where it hurts so you physically have to tuouch every where until he winces or tenses up. it pisses him off that you can read him so well

💀 ⁾ when you finish patching him up he thanks you begrudgingly. you tell him what he needs to do and he actually listens to you. he knows deep down you're a good medic and that he can trust you but he's just so full of himself he thinks he's so perfect and doesn't need help

💀 ⁾ you two are kinda friends. he won't admit it but he actually wants to be on your good side. he wants you to teach him everything you know even though he probably won't remember it. he'll bring injured tranies to you just to watch you work on their wounds. he's very obviously mesmerized by how you know exactly what to do

💀 ⁾ when he finds out you've been drowning yourself in work he puts a stop to it. he is pissed off at you, the army, and everyone for being " so god damn clumsy "

💀 ⁾ he'll tell you to stop and will drag you from your office. he's not gonna be the most gentle about it. he'll sit you down on the couch, make you some leftovers, and do all the paperwork he can just for you. he doesn't want you to get sick. he doesn't want their medic to be sick

💀 ⁾ he also just doesn't want you to feel ill because he cares a lot

💀 ⁾ when you're on your forced break and someone gets an injury he does what he can and says that you'll check them out later. he's not kind about that so people know not to get hurt when you're on a break

💀 ⁾ you're very much " built to be a medic ", meaning you aren't meant to fight people, more help people so when someone calls you weak ghost is immediately pissed off. he obviously tells them off saying things like: " he does so much more than you do, soldier " and " next time you tend to your own damn wounds then, yeah? ". he's would fight anyone for you no matter if you can stand up for yourself or not

💀 ⁾ he does learn to respect you and your work but he'll never take your help when you first offer it. he's too proud

John " Soap " MacTavish

🧼 ⁾ he is one of the few people that will actually go straight to you with his pain. he won't hide it from you

🧼 ⁾ he knows your too smart for his dumb ass trying to hide things from you and you'll find out in your own way. he'd rather you just know rather than you worrying. you worrying makes him sad

🧼 ⁾ when he tell you he follows up by saying " I can take care of it myself, don't worry mo ghràdh. " you obviously worry and tell him that he needs your help and that you will help him one way or another. he huffs at you and just lets you. your not worth fighting. he'd rather waste his energy on anything else. plus, he loves and appreciates you way to much to argue ( trans : my darling )

🧼 ⁾ when he finally gives in to you wanting to help he pouts like a toddler about it. he trusts your judgement and steady hand though. he admits that you're doing a better job that he could just to let you know that he does care

🧼 ⁾ he doesn't want you to feel useless because he wants to help himself

🧼 ⁾ he moves way too much. it was bold of you to assume he wouldn't. he just has way too much energy

🧼 ⁾ soap will tell you where it hurts just to make it easier on you. he will make a big deal out of small pains to make you feel more useful and to keep you busy

🧼 ⁾ he just wants to spend more time with you

🧼 ⁾ once you finish soap thanks you over and over again. you roll your eyes at him and have to physically push him out of your office. he just wants medic's to feel appreciated. he's seen them get walked all over and he's tired of it. he makes sure to write down the advice and tell someone else what you said just so he doesn't forget

🧼 ⁾ he's just a hyper active golden retriever and your one of his favorite people

🧼 ⁾ you two are fairly close. you keep him calm when he gets over exited by something or he has way too much energy for his own good. it's a bit contagious though you have to admit

🧼 ⁾ he just wants you to feel appreciated, if you couldn't tell already. he is a medic supporter and is probably your biggest fan. he's your own personal cheerleader

🧼 ⁾ when someone insults you he's quick to jump to your defense and yell at them. even if you had something to say he's going to say what he wants first. he isn't going to let you be pushed around. he'll say things like " say that again, I dare you " and " he knows how to kill you, keep that in mind ". most of the time people leave you alone after that. if soap is mad at someone ghost is quick to follow and they don't want to deal with him

🧼 ⁾ he respects you and make sure you know he loves you and you're doing great. especially when you feel down because people aren't the most thankful to medics

John Price

🚬 ⁾ being well.. the dad of the group and their main sniper when he gets hurt its a big deal to the whole team. he shouldn't have even gotten hurt in the first place. that wasn't his job

🚬 ⁾ he doesn't even get a choice whether or not he gets to tell you. gaz and soap drag him into your office to check on him

🚬 ⁾ he tries to tell you that he's okay and won't let you tend to his wounds. he will fight you as nicely as he possibly can become he is convinced he is fine and that no, he doesn't help

🚬 ⁾ when you can finally convince him to just check him over price sighs but lets you help. he tries to tell you that he really doesn't need help but other than that he tells you that he appreciates the help and that you're doing well but he doesn't need your help. he tries to tell you that litterly anyone else could use your help. you have to physically get him to shut up

🚬 ⁾ when you do patch up his wounds they are bad most of the time because he doesn't just let the other person go. no, he has to kick their ass and win which means he gets more hurt than he should have been

🚬 ⁾ you're very gentle with him because if you're not he flinches or makes his pained dad noises ( we all know what I'm talking about... )

🚬 ⁾ he is just trying to convince you he doesn't need help. do I need to say it again? he doesn't need your help

🚬 ⁾ when you finish patching him up he's very thankful and tries to tell you he knows how to take care of his wounds. he does but when you pout at him he will listen. he really does just want to make you happy but at the same time he doesnt want you to waste your time on someone who already knows what he's doing

🚬 ⁾ he see's you like a son. he acts like you're his son too. the amount of times you've accidentally him dad and he's accidentally called you son or " bud " makes you two laugh. you just call him dad now and he acts like your his son and it works for you both because you need a amry dad... who doesn't. he just wants to take care of you

🚬 ⁾ he knows you often drown yourself in your work and he drags you out of that. he tells you that you deserve to have you time and that you need rest. he will physically drag you from your office and make you lay down. he'll make you food and hot coco ( or your favorite hot drink ) and just sit with you. he wants to make sure you're okay. he will be your caretaker if thats what you absolutely need. he's your army dad after all

🚬 ⁾ when you get teased for your job price will walk over and just stand there, an eyebrow raised. he even looks like an angry dad. he will tell them to go away if they don't pick up on the hint of him standing there. if it continues after that he will make them run laps until thry physically drop. he explains that medic's are meant to be appreciated. if anyone thinks otherwise they will also be running

🚬 ⁾ he appreciates what you do for others, but not himself. he doesn't need help

Kyle " Gaz " Garrick

💣 ⁾ the amount of times youve had to treat him for the most random ass wounds is insane. he doesn't even have to say anything for you to know he's accidentally hurt himself by doing dumb things

💣 ⁾ most are burn wounds from him accidentally exploding something. he smiles like an idiot cause he just knows what you'll say. its always something along the lines of : " again? " or " you're not a firefighter, stop acting like one "

💣 ⁾ he always smiles and says " you love me ". you can't help but laugh at him

💣 ⁾ he doesn't mind going to see you. your always so gentle with him and you don't make him talk to you. when he's excited about something you have him talk about it so 1) he stays still and 2) you can listen to his voice when he allows you too. he likes to listen to you too though, he'll always ask questions about the machines or what your doing

💣 ⁾ when he sits still long enough for you to treat his wounds he gives you a general area of where the pain is. its always a scavenger hunt to find where he burned himself this time

💣 ⁾ when its a battle wound he bleeds a lot for some reason. that means you have to work fast and it also works in your favor, you don't have to go hunting for his wound. gaz normally needs to be sedated so he stops moving so much or wincing. you do really feel bad but you don't want him to be hurt more than he already is

💣 ⁾ he tries to stay still for your sake, really! but he just can't seem to sit still. he has to be moving. you normally work around this by giving him something he can mess with while you work on his wounds

💣 ⁾ when you finish he thanks you once and only once before hurrying off to get out of your space. every time you have to fix him up he'll bring you your favorite candy. he'll leave it on your desk with a note that normally says something along the lines of : " I'm so sorry ", " it will happen again ", or " you're becoming my own personal medic ". they're always signed with " -K.G " and a messy heart with your initials in it. its always stuck to the bag of candy. you've kept all his notes in a drawer just to make him feel appreciated. and to tell him that you really do enjoy the notes

💣 ⁾ you two are quite close due to the amount of visits he has to your office. he gets mad and pouts like a toddler when he cant get you as his doctor. he'll pretty much refuse service from any other medic. you're his favorite. he just wants to be close to you. plus, if soap and price trust you and like you so will he. no questions asked. you're also so kind with him. he just thinks your an amazing person all around

💣 ⁾ he thinks of you like a younger / older brother and is very obvious about it. he never really had a brother and you fit what he thinkd a brother is perfectly

💣 ⁾ he's the one that figures out you're over working yourself. he tells everyone else because he's way too scared to get involved and make you mad. he just wants to make sure you're okay. even if its indirectly helping you out

💣 ⁾ when anyone teases you gaz gets involved. no questions asked. he isn't good at being angry when talking so he quickly gets physical. he isn't afraid to start a fight as long as its to help his family. you normally talk him out of it but he still isn't happy. he complains to price about it and makes him do something about it. he isn't going to let you get shoved around for doing the job you wanted. and the job you we're so god damn good at. you were the few medics that actually took their job seriously

💣 ⁾ he appreciates everything you do and voices that. he will always tell you how amazing you are. whether its through notes, words, or gifts. he very obviously loves giving you gifts. just to cheer you up or make you feel loved

Alejandro Vargas

🗡 ⁾ he's a bit of an idiot and gets hurt on everything. he refuses to see you a lot of the time. normally rudy will force him to see you

🗡 ⁾ he's too proud to let you treat him

🗡 ⁾ most of the time you treat him for small cuts that he accidentally did just walking to fast. sometimes you have to treat him for exhaustion because he overworks himself constantly and can't ever seem to pull himself away from his work. you always sigh at him and give him medication and watch him to make sure he drinks water. you also have rudy keep an eye on him for the next week

🗡 ⁾ when its a battle wound you normally get him when he's unconscious anyways. he puts his own injuries to the side to make sure rudy is okay. you always lecture him after about how he actually needs to take care of himself

🗡 ⁾ he always manages to get wounds in the most obscure spots. like, my man, were you trying to get the award of " the most dumbass to ever dumbass "? he always fist fights over actually shooting someone. that makes him end up with bloody knuckles and you always get so mad because theres not a lot you can do about it and you don't want to see him hurting

🗡 ⁾ he make him stay in his own hospital room for a few days after just so you can get it into his head that he needs to take care of himself and do as you ask. if he doesn't listen you make him stay longer. he always calls you mean but he knoes your right

🗡 ⁾ you've gotten him to stay in the hospital longer and rest by asking him to teach you some Spanish. it works like a charm. he gets so involved he forgets he's even resting. you alsi use this trick when your checking and cleaning his wounds. when your rebandaging his wounds he is so focused on your movements so he knows how to wrap wounds

🗡 ⁾ he does thank you. but its through small gifts like new medical supplies, pocket knives, guns, some things that are sweet but are definitely military based

🗡 ⁾ one time he gave you some flowers

🗡 ⁾ your not friends per say but you are close. he's like your uncle, your very annoying uncle. he can really only stand you because your good friends with rudy. or at least thats what he says. he really does want to be your friend, truly, but he's too scared that your mad at him for being such a brat when you treat him. he asks you if you two are actually friends / close or if you only tolerate him because you have to. you say something along the lines of " i could ask you the same ". you teo do become friends over time. after that, you wouldn't trade him for the world

🗡 ⁾ when he finds out your overworking yourself he uses your words against you and treats you just like you had him when he was exhausted and wasn't taking care of himself. it pisses you off but you're happy to know he cares about you

🗡 ⁾ the moment any rude comment twoards you slips out of anyones mouth he is immediately involved. he is normally cussing at them in Spanish while shoving them away from you angrily. he isn't letting you take shit. he knows you deserve better. hes a bit over protective of you. he always says its because you're his nephew and its his job to protect you

🗡 ⁾ he really dows respect and love you. not just as a medic but as a human being in general. your constant kindness and your convincing you attitude is admirable in his eyes

Rodolfo " Rudy " Parra

🔦 ⁾ he's such a sweetie. he's one of the few people that will go into your office without a fight. he doesn't want you worrying. he also makes sure to keep his trips short

🔦 ⁾ he doesn't want you overworking for his sake

🔦 ⁾ most of the injuries you see him for are injuries from battle. he normally doesn't have a lot but they're always pretty bad. you always sigh as he's sent on another mission. he's like your other dad. you don't want him hurt at all. you're always more rough with him. it makes it easied for you to work faster and he has been hurt so many times he doesn't mind the pain

🔦 ⁾ you've had to sadate him multiple times because you know how painful his wounds would be. even if he really doesn't mind the pain

🔦 ⁾ if hes wounded with a wound you wouldn't wish on another human being you're sadating him. no questions asked. you will knock him over the head with a bat if you have to

🔦 ⁾ you usually have him under observation. no matter the wound. you just can't be careful enough. you want to make sure he's actually okay

🔦 ⁾ i mean, rudy gets the most dumb wounds ever that are so painful you even wince when he moves to fast

🔦 ⁾ normally when you do your routine checks or your removing his stitches you talk to him in what Spanish alejandro has been teaching you. he'll laugh about how stupid you sound but will help you out where he can. you're mainly distracting himself from his wounds over distracting him from his wounds

🔦 ⁾ when you finish up or his wounds are healed he thanks you. he'll hug you. if you don't like hugs he'll tell you he's proud of you and he'll bring you food. most times at lunch you don't eat anyways so what the harm in bringing you food, right? he likes to sit with you at lunch anyways

🔦 ⁾ this is also his way of making sure you stop working for a while

🔦 ⁾ you both are really good friends. he's over protective of you and you're always worried about him so it works for you both. his constant need to make sure nobody is messing with you and your constant need yo make sure he's okay and not hurting himself by accident makes you inseparable aside from when you're both working. thats one of the few times you two aren't seen together

🔦 ⁾ he's tried so hard to stop you ftom overworking yourself but it just doesn't seem to work. you always manage to do it anyways. he'll lock your office and take your keys if he has to. you do not need to be constantly working. he doesn't need two alejandro situations on his hands. one is enough

🔦 ⁾ when someone makes a rude comment or teases you or you just seem uncomfortable with someone at all he will get involved. you never know how he even manages to find out. he always does. its a bit scary but its nice to feel loved and protected. and when rudy is protecting you alejandro is also protecting you indirectly. he will make that person run and apologize. then next time they get hurt he makes sure they get one of the meanest medics the base has. he will not let anyone get away with bullying his favorite medic

🔦 ⁾ he respects and appreciates you for what you do and he voices that. you'll always be his favorite ' kid '. he always makes sure you know he loves you. no matter what

This was not proof read! I apologize for spelling / grammer mistakes

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[outfitqueer]

20 Things We as Trans Wish We Knew Before Transitioning

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

Did you know that the journey of transitioning often reveals lessons that only become clear in hindsight?

When I reached out to fellow trans individuals and asked them what they wished they had known before their transition, here’s what they told me:

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I wish I had known that self-acceptance takes time. It’s a process that unfolds gradually. It wasn’t something that happened instantly for me.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I wish I had understood that support comes in many forms. You might not find it where you expect, but new sources of support will appear in unexpected places.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I never anticipated that my identity would continue to evolve. I thought transitioning would be the end of my self-discovery, but it turned out to be just the beginning.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“If only I had realized that the process isn’t linear. There were so many twists and turns along the way. It’s normal to feel like you’re moving backwards sometimes.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I wish I had paid more attention to self-care. I didn’t fully grasp how important it was to nurture my mental and emotional health throughout the transition.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Finding a supportive community earlier would have made a huge difference. I didn’t know how invaluable it would be to connect with others who truly understood me.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I was caught off guard by how many people wouldn’t understand. If I could do it over, I’d prepare myself for the ignorance and work on being patient and educating others.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Patience would have been a great ally. Transitioning and gaining acceptance took much longer than I expected. I wish I’d been more patient with myself and others.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I didn’t expect the emotional highs and lows to be so intense. Recognizing and accepting these fluctuations would have helped me cope better.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Finding my voice and learning to advocate for myself was crucial. I wish I had realized sooner how empowering it would be to speak up for my needs and experiences.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I didn’t fully grasp how much transitioning would impact my relationships. If I could go back, I’d be more prepared for these changes and how to navigate them.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Self-compassion was something I struggled with. I wish I had been kinder to myself during the tough times. It’s important to remember that setbacks are part of the journey.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Celebrating small victories was something I overlooked. I wish I had focused more on acknowledging and enjoying my achievements along the way.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Navigating public spaces was more challenging than I had anticipated. I wish I had been better prepared for the complexities and how to handle them.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Building resilience was essential. I learned that developing inner strength helps in facing challenges and setbacks. I wish I had understood its importance earlier.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Embracing my unique path was something I had to learn. Comparing my journey to others was unhelpful. I wish I had focused more on my own experience.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“The journey didn’t end with transitioning. Personal growth and self-discovery continued beyond that. I wish I’d known that there’s always more to learn and explore.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“Financial planning is something I wish I’d focused on more. Transitioning came with significant costs, and better budgeting would have eased some of the stress.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I should have sought out comprehensive legal and medical advice earlier. Having a better understanding from the start would have made many decisions easier.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

“I found that documenting my journey helped me a lot. Keeping a journal or recording my experiences provided a way to process the emotional ups and downs.”

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

[cator99]

not trying to start shit but if ur comfortable do you mind talking about your gender identity and transition / opinions cause the post about your coworker really got me thinking

Youre not starting shit dw. I think that if a man can blast roids be bald not shave think of femininity as personal humiliation be competitive and openly express attraction to females then I should be able to do all that while rejecting any of the pathologizing that happens based on the fact that I'm doing that while female. Ykwim. I think that the concept of "gender identity" is precisely that disturbing pathologization I'm referring to. When a male looks or lives how I do, it isn't ever seen as indicative of any internal misalignment... but for me it is? Stupid. But the thing is that there absolutely is a misalignment occuring– and I've had to realize it has nothing to do with me. The way I live signifies nothing about holding some sort of allegiance to the males who are generally the only ones utterly unquestioningly afforded the freedom to live this way because for them it is a freedom– and for females, living like this often takes immense amounts of courage. And when one wants OUT of it all... it's easier to approach this painful reality by simply performing mental magic, flipping the narrative and saying "ah! Suddenly my hatred for all of this Woman Stuff makes sense! I should have been a man all along!" That's great but after almost 15 years in this I've realized it is fucking loser shit to think that despising misogynistic expectations and restrictive gender roles makes one a man actually because well um because you said so... because only men crave dignity... because woman equals long hair and shaving legs and makeup and my socially-trained bodily hatred and desire for a life free from demeaning treatment on the basis of my femaleness is totally abnormal no women ever feel like this no women could possibly enjoy the thought having a hairy body or a beard or feel inspired by masculine aesthetics which are largely equated with strength confidence dignity social dominance and being in actual possession of a brain and personality so any desire to embody that and be seen by others as an actual human being instead of a member of the subjugated sex actually make one imbued with Real Maleness... right..... to be honest it just became so embarassing to think that I was a grown adult still acting like this shit made any sense. I don't have a gender identity. When I pass, I take on the status of undercover female. I'm not a male. Have y'all actually met any of them?? Like, for real??? Its like... Jesus christ... LOL. No. I like the way I live. I have sympathy for females lost in the gender sauce but it only goes so far when they're by and large fucking insane and homophobic. And sure I could talk about my transition but I ultimately see it as such a non-thing. I don't think of myself as having transitioned at all, because I was always like this more or less, it's just that now I have a few more hairs on my face and a deeper voice and none of it feels unnatural or strange or "trans" it just is what it is and was always going to be... and that will always be contextualized by my sex– how could I go on denying myself that? And letting it fester like a wound... Oh and also I eventually realized it's just way more dope to be a high-value hairy jacked dyke who accepts myself but keeps doing my thang & not give a fuck than it is to be a desperate delulu self-conscious passing-obsessed little wannabe-man lol