#it reminds me so strongly of ace discourse

[lumalalu]

i know that last post is abt americanization so i didnt wanna ramble in the tags since tags are more visible now and it doesnt feel the same as talking to myself but i was thinking abt how sasha is a gender neutral name but not to the people i would meet. the name i originally picked is gender neutral in that half the world thinks its masculine and the other half thinks its feminine. guess which half i live in. it doesnt matter bc its wrong either way.

people make fun of enbies w object names a lot but likw. if you just browse gender neutral names lists its really easy to see WHY people gravitate towards object names. there is no gendered correlation for "socks". the average person would assume it's a funny nickname, but they won't ask me if it's short for "ariana".

[blorboification]

every queer person i know thinks cisgender, straight people don't belong to the lgbt community and every ace i know is otherwise lgbt and also doesn't want cisgender, straight people in the community. it just doesn't come up often because most reasonable people already agree. cisgender, straight aces are just as cis and het as any other cishet. it's no t a discussion point

If we're still having this conversation, it's not as "done and dusted" discussion topic as you think.

I could go on about how asexuals by themselves have been part of the discussion about sexualities longer than you think (the 1970s!), but I'll tell you why I'm so strongly "Even cishet aces are more alike than we [speaking as someone who's always been LGBT in some form] think!"

When Matt Walsh (does not link to the man himself) reacted in his way to asexuality existing, I chalked up to him being conservative. If you do not want to watch even a 27-minute video (which is... fair, fair), this aligns with my beliefs that LGBT+ people share more experiences than you think: Heteronormativity does not just include the belief that a man should be with a woman, but the expectation that the man and woman should have sex with one another; that the man and woman should have, and eventually, have a child with one another. Not saying that all aces cannot have sex, or cannot have children, but the negative expectations affect both LGBT+ people and ace people especially.

But also.

On March 20th, 2022, Jaiden posted a video that she is aromantic asexual. If you look at the bigger picture, that video was largely viewed positively and celebrated.

But, I cannot ignore the small fraction of the people that makes me remind me of the books and posts I've read on LGBT+ history, accusing sexual minorities as "groomers" just for talking about their sexualities, and people called Jaiden a groomer for just talking about her sexuality. Conservatives called gay people "degenerates", "groomers" for the fact of their own existence. I've also observed this being applied to transgender people for the same reason, and honestly it taught me, that in certain conservatives' worldview, a LGBT+ person (yes, including the plus!) will be treated the same. It only stands to reason that we should fight together. Not saying that we should all "kumbaya and be friends", but we share more experiences than not and there is a point where ace discourse seems more like queer infighting than genuinely having a conversation.

[elshells]

Rating OC Headcanons

So I wasn't tagged in this one but it looked like fun so what the hell!

Rules: use this headcanon generator to generate some headcanons for your OCs! How accurate are they?

Not sure who has and hasn't done this yet, so if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged!! <3

Anyway, you know 'em, you love 'em; I'm gonna do this with all the guys from Agent Ace.

SOPHIA

"Sophia has a maid dress under her bed." 0/10 she absolutely does not

"Sophia enjoys doing her taxes." 6/10 I think she would unironically enjoy doing taxes, it's like a breath of calm compared to her high-intensity job.

"Sophia cringes at her middle school yearbook photos." 4/10 who doesn't?? But I have a feeling that she would actually look back on those reminders of her early years with fondness, not embarrassment.

JANUS

"Janus is a sleepwalker." 5/10 not canon but I can see it.

"Janus does not know how to read." Pffft, giving this a 9/10 because this was almost canon XD. For context, English is Janus' first spoken language but not his first written language, and so for a hot minute I considered making him completely English-illiterate, but decided against it for the sake of plot convenience.

"Janus is unemployed." 10/10 ...I mean, he technically is?

HARLEY

"Harley is Tumblr famous." 8/10 you can't tell me she wouldn't have the coolest blog ever! I would love to be mutuals with her.

"Harley is bisexual." 10/10 YOU KNOW IT, BESTIE

"Harley stole a lollipop at the checkout when she was 5 and she still feels guilty about it." Awww, 10/10! This is totally in character for her, and I'm making this a canon memory immediately. Okay, it's done, and there are no backsies. You're welcome!

JADE

"Jade has punched a hole in her wall." 3/10 I can't picture this happening, but if it did it would have been an accident and not out of anger. Maybe she bumped into her easel and knocked it over?

"Jade gets into Twitter discourse." 10/10 at first glance she looks too sweet to be confrontational, but she is a firm advocate in what she believes in and wouldn't hesitate to fire shots at bigots online.

"Jade believes in ghosts and insists on trying to summon one at every sleepover." 8/10 when she was younger, absolutely!! Even as an adult, she's 100% a paranormal girlie.

MAX

"Max has an intense fear of spiders." 7/10 I wouldn't call it a fear, necessarily, but they do make him uncomfortable. He's less likely to handle one than Harley and/or Jade.

"Max could easily survive the Hunger Games." 5/10 he's definitely an underdog, but he is smart and not to be underestimated. I think he could do it!

"Max has an incredible spice tolerance." 10/10 he's well equipped to handle spice. Him, Harley, and Jade all come from backgrounds with spicy cuisine, so I like to imagine that they would often share food (i.e. compete to see who would take the heat better XD)

AUGUST

"August has fallen asleep at his desk in the middle of the night." 10/10 multiple times, without a shadow of a doubt.

"August got hit by a bus." 8/10 let's be honest, out of everyone on this list it would be him. Poor August can never catch a break :')

"August uses the word 'fuck' like a comma." 2/10 August is a pure boi who tries not to swear beyond the occasional 'damn,' but I think it has the potential to slip out whenever he's under extreme distress or pressure.

AHREN

"Ahren has been canceled on Twitter." 1/10 WHAT DID HE DO?!

"Ahren likes to eat straight coffee beans." 6/10 yeah, he probably would. He and Sophia are both coffee people (although Sophia is more of a tequila aficionado), and it feels entirely plausible to me that he would snack on the beans, too.

"Ahren needs a nightlight to sleep." 7/10 definitely as a little kid, but it's not necessary anymore. He still likes it, tho.

BELLONA

"Bellona is not allowed to drink energy drinks." 10/10 for her health and the safety of others, she's been strongly discouraged XD

"Bellona sleeps in until noon." 9/10 vigilantism practically made her nocturnal.

"Bellona forgets to eat sometimes." 8/10 Bellona has the appetite of snake (once a week, and that's only kind of an exaggeration). Again, the stresses of criminal life are partly to blame for such an unhealthy lifestyle; she's gotten very good at ignoring her own needs over matters she deem more urgent.

[fandomlgbtqia]

If you use the mlm flag but not, at the very least, the sunset lesbian flag, you are a hypocrite. You're outwardly wlwphobic and it's extremely sad.

There is a such thing as not liking a specific flag. I do not want to associate my blog with the sunset lesbian flag specifically because, as I am an Ace person, many people who use the flag are Ace Exclusionists. It's not wlwphobic to not want to associate with a specific flag due to the many people who have become associated in my mind with it.

I shouldn't need to explain this to you, anon. But the sunset lesbian flag for me specifically due to my identity and the fact that so many who mocked it and belittled my experiences within that discourse used it has made it something that if I see it, I become extremely distressed as it reminds me of all of that discourse, including the rape apologia, harassment, and other awful, horrid things that were done during the course of that "discourse" which I couldn't get out of because it was about an inherent part of myself that I did not control and could not change.

This will be my only post about this. I want to keep this blog discourse free. You are free to dislike that I do not use the sunset lesbian flag, but it does not give you the right to accuse me of being wlwphobic because I won't use it and instead use a different lesbian flag that someone else made, that is not so strongly associated with exclusionists.

[19-bellwether]

What also bothers me about the RWBY Winter discourse is the idea that this is necessary for Weiss' character. That she has to learn the cost of being good, because if she doesn't have to sacrifice anything, it somehow isn't worth as much. First of all, the idea you have to have suffered for your attempts to be a good person to count is kind of horrible. As is the idea that Winter will side with an enemy of humanity because she reminds her of the authority figure Winter already has doubts about

That being good can come at a cost is not a bad lesson to learn, but saying it ‘has’ to happen is iffy. I’ve seen the reverse applied to Winter, that she must become worse and get punished for it before she can improve. That sounds rather sadistic when you say it out loud, huh? Not to mention it goes against the whole idea of Weiss's family arc. She's there to bring together everyone that was hurt by their abusive household so they can heal as a family. Losing one would be pointlessly cruel.

Like, Winter’s arc is fairly straight forward. She...

Cares about those close to her and has her own opinions about things, but she’s been taught to repress her feelings. You see this especially when she interacts with Weiss and Penny and gets her beliefs challenged.

Follows Ironwood because of years of Atlas propaganda and grooming, and because she feels indebted to him. She believes he pulled her out of a terrible home but doesn’t realize she’s right back where she started.

And now she’s trying to reconcile these two things. Repeatedly she chooses halfway points: letting Weiss and Penny go, and freeing JYR. She's been defying Ironwood's orders but not enough to be declared a traitor (though we'll see how he reacts to JYR when the hiatus is over). Eventually she's going to be placed in a situation where there is no middle ground and she'll have to finally pick a side.

So is she going to choose wrong and get worse before she recovers? It's possible. I'm not writing it off, but it's wholly possible she doesn't screw up. Ironwood could shatter her faith in him, Weiss could confront her, or another factor challenges her beliefs so strongly that she gives into her doubts about her place in Atlas. That's really what she's all about. She's conflicted but too scared to take the step that deep down she knows she must do. Everytime Weiss and Penny call her out, you can tell she's trying to convince herself that she's on the right path. She's talking to herself when she says one must bury their feelings and follow orders.

Even if she does choose wrong, it won't be something that forces Weiss to cut her out. For example, I'm expecting her to have to choose whether to blow the bomb with her and the Ace Ops and JOYR in the whale, embracing the suicide mission and her belief that her life doesn't matter. Of course they'd all survive somehow if she did pull the trigger. Winter can't die and prove that idea right. And she sure as hell isn't joining Salem's side or becoming as bad as Ironwood. Whatever happens in the whale is going to be vital to her and the Ace Ops turning onto a better path.

At some point, Winter is going to leave Ironwood and help the protagonists. Ren peeked into her soul and confirmed she wants out.

(Besides, her voice actress said that she enjoys seeing Winter learn lessons from Penny. I doubt she'd say that if Winter went full dark.)

[lvnatiq]

Surrealtà | Nicky Valentino x Assassin!OC

A/N: Hello, my fellow Valentinhoes! I already mentioned this series that will be approximately 10 chapters long (if not more). I tried to keep the prologue short trying my best to not bore you. The dialogues between the characters are modified according to this story and yes, there will be a lot of new characters alongside the original ones. With that being said if you have any questions or suggestions, let me know :)! 

Enjoy, toots.

Warnings: Violence, mentions of death, usage of inappropriate language.

Prologue: Inferno

“Do you ever doubt your actions? I mean, you know the uproar about them being ethically wrong.”

Andrea's words revealed her agitated behavior. Her sincere concern for her friend was boggling her mind with more questions.

“Why would I doubt my actions when there are enough people already doing that.”

Heaven lifted her glass to her lips and stopped moments before taking a sip.

“I never give people anything more or less than what they’ve done.”

The sour taste of alcohol lingers on her tongue while it makes its way into her system causing her body to warm up.

“If they kill, I kill. Easy as that.”

“You know what’s going to happen when they get you behind bars, right ?” said Andrea. Fully aware of the fact that her attempts at getting her to tap out were not affecting Heaven at all.

“I don’t."

Heaven said as she turned her head towards the anxious eyes that were studying her. Her smirk becomes more prominent as she sets her booze down on the glass table.

“Because It’s not going to happen."

Upon hearing her words Andrea couldn't manage to hide her astonishment.

“How can you be so sure ?”

“I’m not but do I have any other options? I am not someone that you would want to see panicking.”

Heaven said as she continued to play with the rim of her glass. She proceeded as she eyed her reflection on the glass table.

“I might appear dangerous when I let my anger take over, but panic?” she scoffed as she pushed her long locks away from her face.

“I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

“Why?” Andrea said, engaging herself with the conversation more and more. Afterall there were no limits to her curiosity.

“I lose control.”

Says Heaven as she collects the documents scattered over the table and then stands up from her stool. She lowers herself at Andrea's eye level as she proceeds with her speech.

“...and If I lose control, my love...”

Andrea drops her gaze as she couldn't bring herself to look straight into her eyes. Heaven whispers her last words, unaware of the fact that this statement will be the foreshadowing of what was about to come.

“All hell will break loose.”

With that, the curiosity killed the cat.

January 1st, 2020

The cold breeze of New York combed her long locks as she stared at her watch. Her pupils dilating as her eyes followed the second hand, continuing to count the seconds.

"Thirty more to go. Then it's time for the Fiesta."

Pushing back the hem of her coat, she pulled out a brand new Glock 19 and a suppressor. Her hands started to wander around the gun as she let the feeling of absolute power captivate her senses. After rolling the silencer onto the muzzle of the Glock, she placed her gun back at its previous position.

The silencer, her infamous nickname.

Nobody knew her true identity nor her background. At this point in her life, others weren't the only ones to do so. Her memory was as unreliable as her trigger. Her past, present, and future remained unknown to her. In her opinion, keeping her past locked in the forbidden spaces of her mind it's for the better.

"Henry Harding, age 46, a prick who traded the life of his wife for the comfort of his stacks."

She reminded herself as her steps quickened. The darkness of the night emerged as the light of the day shuttered under its vigor. Her breathing became apparent, evaporating in front of her eyes.

"His right hand, Richard Kindell, a coward who sold his soul to the same devil that killed his son. Porca miseria! What type of leverage does that son of a bitch has over Richard that keeps him loyal no matter the cause?"

She cursed under her breath as she took a sharp turn. Upon seeing the large crowd in front of the theatre she decided to examine the atmosphere surrounding her. Women in elegant dresses were accompanied by men in suits. Their sweet conversations concerning their excitement about the movie, pervading the air with love. Utterly oblivious of the fact that they were soon to be bystanders of a tragic ending.

"Tragic but a well-deserved ending."

Her plan was too simple for her liking. She made Richard get the same gun that she had attached to her thigh, two weeks before she sent the suspicious mail to Henry. The mail that contained information exclusively known by the two of them regarding Richard's son's death. She was simply using their trust issues as an advantage.

"25 meters till the warfare."

As she moves closer, the ticket booth becomes more visible and her eyes meet the man of the moment, Murray.

"Smile, Heaven. You don't want to disappoint your audience."

She said as she put her killer smile on, turning heads as she walked by. Her charming nature and her mysterious aura always captured people's attention. Even so, she couldn't care less.

Her hair flowing in harmony with the wind, her steps overflowed with confidence, and her eyes gleamed with the fact that she could finally put an end to what the judiciary system defined as a dilemma. It's time for Maria's long-awaited vendetta.

"Hello, Murphy. How's the night treating you?"

Murphy gave her a heartwarming smile, accompanied by sincere laughter.

"So far so good. What about you my dear?"

"Lovely, I'd say. New York has its charm, you know."

She said as her hand reached her pocket, searching for the ticket.

"Seems so."

Murray said as his eyes carefully scanned Heaven's. Sensing his unusual behavior, Heaven glued her eyes back onto his as she took a step further.

"How do you figure?"

She asked as she gave him a smirk. A smirk that often got people's breath hitch, hands sweat and their heartbeats accelerated.

"Your eyes."

Said Murray letting his body language do the favors, he pointed at her eyes.

"They tell a lot."

He said as he positioned himself back behind the booth. Murray was a part of her plan even though he didn't know much about it. She didn't lie to him but she also didn't tell him things that were none of his business. Such as her soon to be attempted murder.

"I suppose."

She said as she lifted her wrist casually to check the time.

"Aces. Perfect timing."

She dipped her hand back again into the pocket of her coat. Unable to feel any sort of texture regarding the existence of the ticket, she slid her other hand into her other pocket.

"Nothing."

"Your ticket, my dear?"

Without disrupting her composure, she thought of a quick backup plan.

"I need him to participate, I lost my ticket. How is this even possible?"

She thought as she closed her eyes shut. Letting out a deep breath, she opened her eyes only to reveal her teary vision. She strongly held on the cuffs of her coat making her knuckles turn white as she lowered her gaze to the floor. Even the most successful artist would be envious of her skilled performance.

"Murray, my ticket is missing."

Murray studied her reaction as he gave her an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry my dear. I don't think that we have any other tickets left for the night."

Upon hearing his words she raised her gaze to meet his, giving him a look that will scar him for the rest of his life.

"Murray, You know that I can't miss this. Tonight was my main reason for coming to New York. I'm desperate for your help."

She said slowly pushing her coat back to display the outline of the gun beneath her dress. Her innocent demeanor was falsified by her reveal. Murray gave her an empty look, seemingly unaffected by her threat. He stopped for a second before turning to her with a smile.

"I got you, Heaven."

He said as he reached under the desk revealing a golden ticket. He slowly extended his hand as hers followed. Then, he retracted it. Unaware of the dangerous game he was playing with Heaven's patience.

"One last thing, Heaven."

He indicated to her to come closer as he leaned in. Not wanting to waste any more of her precious time Heaven obliged.

"It's time for you to prioritize yourself. For the sake of your good."

He said as he gave her the ticket and pushed the gate open for her.

"Have fun, my dear."

Heaven, unimpressed by his discourse, stepped inside. Hearing the gate close behind her. The heavy smell of tobacco dominated the large area blinded by the lights of the enormous chandelier and golden decorations that reminded her of the Palace of Versailles. A palace that was full of people with extravagant attires laughing and cheering, adorning their social interactions with excessive reactions. Baffled by the unanticipated environment Heaven took a few steps back, letting her back hit the wall.

The wall, located exactly where the gate should be. As her confusion gets the best of her, at her right she notices a man reading a newspaper. She walks close enough to see the contents of the front page. Only to realize that the front page was listing absurdly familiar names of the several presidents. Names that surely belonged to the 20'ies. Heaven gently closed her eyes then she leaned her forehead against the palm of her hand.

"Where the hell am I?" she muttered as her own words, followed by her deep voice, echoed inside of her head. She gave one last glance at the velvet wall where the entrance gate should've been.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

Vocabulary: 

Second hand: the hand on some watches and clocks that moves quickly, showing the seconds.

Fiesta: an event marked by festivities or celebration.

Porca miseria: in this case used as “Bloody hell”.

Vendetta: a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's family.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.": A message warning one about a hopeless situation from which there is no return. The Italian version of this phrase appears in Dante's Divine Comedy as the inscription on the entrance to Hell. The phrase is most often used humorously.

[tiger-moran]

It’s kind of feeling like... it’s one of those weeks where everything is a reminder that you’re excluded/erased from everything. I mean a lot of it is fandom stuff but also...

Like apparently last week was the first international asexuality day but that was just a reminder that I have never felt anything but excluded from and erased by the ‘ace community’ as well the broader ‘aspec community’. I do not feel any kind of acceptance or acknowledgement from them or any kind of solidarity with them. Overall, people like me just get at best erased, at worst completely shit on, and this is not only by the asshole bigot “””exclusionists”””” and the general aphobes, this is by people within what are meant to be my communities as well. 

Adult/older aspecs, aroaces, aspecs who the SAM doesn’t actually apply to, kinky aces, aces who are at least hypothetically open to having sex, any aces who are not women (and other groups too, not all of which apply to me though. I would still strongly suspect aspecs who are not white for instance, but some of these are probably not really my place to comment on) - we get erased, invalidated, excluded. And the whole oriented aroace shitfest which yes I am still fucking bitter as hell about, because people like me, aroaces who experience another form of attraction but are NOT grey/demi anything, get erased and excluded all the time, as well as aroaces overall essentially being blamed by both the ace and aro communities for a lot of the external bigotry directed towards aces and aros (and this often being doubly so for aroaces like me). And we get people speaking over us all the time saying that actually we’re grey/demi something. People like me never belonged, never got accepted, never got taken seriously, so someone very much like me in one significant way at least created that term that was meant to be a way to describe our specific experiences so we didn’t keep on getting our identities erased and invalidated and so we could find much more like-minded people and for once we could have something that acknowledged us and united us then.... the aspec community essentially robbed us off that term - this term that was basically meant to be a microlabel for a specific subset of aroaces - by demanding that it include grey and demi people as well, even though grey and demi people already fucking had terms to describe themselves those terms are fucking grey and demi while people like me who are not grey or demi had nothing else. And now again, we have nothing, because the aspec community has made the term oriented aroace absolutely meaningless and useless to us and made it so still now we’re always being told actually we’re grey/demi and people are continuously spreading the misinformation that oriented aroace just means someone who is grey/demi and as well as being shit on by the ace and aro ‘communities’ for being aroace we also still get shit on by the aroace ‘community’ for not doing being aroace in the ‘right’ way. So, thanks, aspec ‘community’, thanks so much for that and for robbing people like me of that miniscule feeling of acceptance and acknowledgement we briefly had at least in one small area if not overall, I appreciate that so much, not. 

But of course you still can’t actually say anything about these problems within the ace/aro/aspec communities and how they really do shit on and exclude so many people because what should have actually been important “discourse” about these issues has just been taken over and absolutely ruined by the “”””exclusionists””” who just hate us and have not only tried to drive us out of the broader LGBT+/queer communities but have also done a very good job of further tearing the aspec community to pieces and made it so it’s actually pretty much impossible to say anything even remotely negative now.

[shades-of-grayro]

As an aro person I've lately felt a bit alienated from the community. With so many posts going around how people dislike shipping, it makes me wonder if that's how most aros feel? Even though i know that it's okay to like stories that tell of romance and it doesn't make me any less aro, I've begun to think -- there are a few ships that I prefer as romantic over platonic -- if that's still part of amatonormativiy that I've yet to unlearn?

This answer might be a little long-winded and rambly, as I’m gonna try to unpack a bit of what you are saying here by just writing it out.

If you’re aro, you are allowed to like romance in stories, and you are allowed to like shipping, and you are allowed to ship people romantically. And alloromantic people are also allowed to like and do these things. I don’t think that those things in and of themselves are amatonormative.

You will hear and see a lot of strongly anti-romance feelings in the aro community, and this reminds me a lot of a conversation that was happening in the ace community a few years ago about sex-negative comments made by aces. Sorry to bring up the ace community here, but the parallel helps me think through it, and when I am struggling with something like this, it can help to use a parallel example that I’m less emotionally attached to.

What was happening was that a lot of aces were saying things like “sex is gross” or other things that are Not Okay if you are practicing sex-positivity*. While the things they were saying might be hurtful to some people, it was also true that baby aces needed a space where they could unload all their negative feelings toward all the pressure that has been put on them to have sex.

I think this is really similar to the types of sentiment you are seeing in the aro community right now--a key difference being that there isn’t a societal pressure saying that romance is bad the same way there is for saying sex is bad (though, there definitely is for some subgroups of people, which expresses itself in different ways, and I don’t think I have seen that talked about outside of “discourse”--I could say so many things about that but I won’t here).

I think a key part of unlearning amatonormativity is simply allowing yourself to want and be interested in things that are outside of what you are “supposed” to want, and to also allow yourself to not want the things that you are “supposed” to want. This can be tricky because wants and interests can be partially built due to social expectations, so it will take a bit of experimentation before you get there, and it’s okay to not be totally there yet!

I know that for me, I had “crushes” before I realized I was aroace, but they were a weird mix of social pressure to like boys romantically, hyperfocusing on the “crush”, and some actual positive feelings towards the person that were actually real. Once I started identifying as aroace, I had one of these not-quite-crushes, examined it, and it completely disappeared. And I didn’t feel any other “crushes” for years. Some of the feelings were real, though, because I definitely have strong feelings toward my partner, and our relationship looks more or less romantic, though I’m not sure I would describe my feelings that way.

What I am trying to get at is that there is a difference between rejecting amatonormativity and hating romance. While hating romance is a valid feeling that is a part of many aros’ experiences, it is not universal and not mandatory for rejecting amatonormativity.

*Note that I’m not talking about sex-favorability here, I’m talking about the political movement that’s about not shaming others for consensual sex, among other things.

[anyikos]

I can’t sleep; 3H discourse has been rolling around in my head and yet again I’ve been irritated by false assumptions.

As an aro/ace (I enjoy sex but it’s entirely devoid of emotion for me and I’m definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum) there are certain arguments I find especially annoying.

- I don’t like any character for their appearance. Sure, I find characters aesthetically pleasing but it’s purely in an artistic sense (and in most media the vast majority of main characters are always designed to be aesthetically pleasing, anyway).

- I don’t like any character because I’m imagining myself as a self-insert/romance option for them. More power to you if that’s how you roll but for me, personally, I find the very idea abhorrent. I do like characters because I empathize or identify with them and if I’m hanging their picture on my wall it’s purely as a ‘hey, I really strongly relate to this character and seeing their face reminds me I’m not alone’ statement.

- Similarly there are plenty of characters I find aesthetically pleasing, much more so than my faves, and I may see splendid art of them, but unless I really identify with the character I’m not purchasing it.

- I do like romance in my fiction. Now, I’ll clarify; I don’t like romance as a genre. I’m not going to ever read a romance novel or willingly watch a romcom. But I like seeing characters happy and I do think romance often adds flavouring to a story. I do prefer it to be light - or, on the other hand, I like it to be deeply melodramatic. What I’m not keen on is cutesy, pet names/romantic gestures, etc. Most of my favourite fictional romances are either innocent and platonic or over-the-top Victorian gothic; there is no inbetween.

I’m so tired of everything being related to sex and lust and of having my OTPs ripped apart because they’re not overtly romantic/supported by text. And no, nothing is ever ‘sexy’ to me and if I seem embarrassed and am blushing it’s because I feel repulsed/humiliated and not because I have a ~crush~.

[arosnowflake]

don’t reblog this maybe but this intracommunity aro/aspec discourse has really highlighted how my experiences with being aroace differ from the majority of the aroace community and it makes me. uncomfy.

(I was gonna do the following section in the tags but it got too long so. enjoy the rambly post I guess.)

It’s so weird too??? In almost all ways, I’m the most stereotypical aroace to have ever aroaced; I’m sex- and romance repulsed, I do not want either sexual or romantic relationships, I want a qpr (I realize that wanting a qpr is not the norm outside of aro communities, but this assumption does kind of tend to exist within aro communities, although from what I’ve seen that has certainly died down), I found out I was ace in my late teens and figured out I was aro a year or two after that, I do not nor have I ever experienced any type of romantic or sexual attraction (aka I’m not gray-ace or gray-aro), I’m not an oriented aroace, etc. 

Unlike with my trans/nb identity I tend to actually relate to the wider aroace community; it’s by far the easiest queer identity I have because I generally fall within the parameters of what’s ‘expected’ of an aroace 99% of the time. There’s really only two major exceptions:

I do not find it difficult to distinguish between my aromanticism and my asexuality. They are not the same for me. I see my asexuality and aromanticism as two separate identities that just so happen to coincide. 

I consider my aromanticism to be a LOT more important than my asexuality. Really I’m more aro(ace) than aroace if you get what I mean.

And BOY are those differences highlighted by the recent discourse.

Like, I know that to aroaces who already feel alienated by the aroace community this must seem eye-roll-worthy, and I acknowledge how lucky I am that I (mostly) managed to feel safe and comfortable in the aroace community (albeit it more on the aro side of things than on the ace side), but like??? I’m really unused to feeling so alienated from the aroace community and it’s uhhhh unfun.

But honestly in this discourse? I just cannot at all relate to or get behind the aroace community’s approach to it. I don’t feel threatened by the idea that we might have a complete separation from the ace community. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want. If it were up to me and I didn’t have to take the feelings of anyone else into account, I’d want a complete separation between the ace and aro communities. I’d want to maintain strong ties between the communities, obviously, but I’m so fucking tired of being grouped together with the ace community. I want the aro community to be able to stand on its own as the ace community’s equal, not their younger sibling who still needs guidance. I want us to be our own thing without relying on the ace community at all. I want a complete separation of asexuality and aromanticism. 

I acknowledge, however, that this is likely not practical. There are too many aroaces tying us together, and we share too much history. It would be unfair to aroaces who cannot separate their aromanticism and asexuality and/or just don’t want to choose like that to just implement a complete schism without regard for consequences. I acknowledge that. I still want it.

It’s not that I hate the ace community. I really don’t. I honestly don’t feel as bitter towards it as a lot of the aro community seems to. I really think that the ace community is one of the most welcoming communities I’ve ever been in; they helped me understand my asexuality in a way that lifted me up and made me secure in it, and I’m really thankful to them for helping me through that vulnerable time. I think that it’s amazing what the ace community has managed to achieve in such little time; barely a decade ago, we were nothing, and now, we are steadily on our way to becoming a widely recognized sexuality, with well-organized groups and clear objectives. It’s seriously impressive.

At the same time, however, they royally screwed up my aro education, to the point where even though I was very, VERY clearly aromantic I was extremely hesitant to adopt the label, and it wasn’t until I actually managed to get involved in the aro community via a mutual that I actually started embracing it; in fact, before I talked to that mutual, I was really only peripherally aware of the existence of an aro community. I did not understand what a qpr was. I did not understand how the aromanticism was a spectrum, or know any aro identities outside of aro, gray-aro, and demiro (it was thanks to another mutual that I got off my initial high horse about greyro identities and actually started researching them with an open mind, by the way. I’m still definitely not perfect and consider them to be my largest blind spot in the aro community, but at least I’m trying to learn). I was not aware of any aspects of aro culture, or at least they didn’t register (white ring, arrows, etc. etc). And those were really just minor things.

The big kicker for me is that, honestly, my experience with the way the ace community treated aromanticism was. kinda different from what most aros seem to have experienced. Maybe it’s the people I interacted with, the blogs I followed, idk, but whatever it is, I got the impression that my aromantic traits were part of my asexuality. I never really felt like the ace community was pushing the ‘aces can love!’ message too hard; instead, I got the opposite. I got posts joking about how aces don’t get crushes. About how aces are annoyed with romantic subplots. I got essays written where the author stated that they don’t feel romantic attraction because they are asexual. I got posts about how characters who said “I don’t understand/want romance” are ace. I got ace activists who talked about being aroace without ever mentioning the ‘aro’ part, or who mentioned it in passing at best, and who often still positioned themselves as authorities on aromanticism despite that. All the time that I’ve spent in the ace community, and I consistently saw asexuality conflated with aromanticism. I still see it every time I go into the ace community. It’s why I’m not active in it anymore. 

As a result, I did not understand the impact that my aromanticism had my life, or even that I was aromantic at all; I got the impression that all my aro traits could be ascribed to my asexuality. As a result, I spent a long time identifying as a non-SAM-using ace, then as an aroace who strongly favored their asexuality, and then an aroace who didn’t think their aromanticism could be separated from their asexuality. But, as I have stated earlier in this essay, I can separate them. Very easily, even. I just didn’t have the proper tools yet to identify my aromanticism. This was also the reason why I thought my asexuality was more important; I didn’t have the proper tools to recognize my aromanticism, and with that, the effect it had on my daily life.

(Disclaimer: I’m obviously not saying that all aroaces who consider their aromanticism to be part of their asexuality, or who can’t distinguish between them, or who favor their asexuality are going to have the same experience that I did. Plenty of aroaces won’t. I’m just talking about a personal experience.)

The ace community screwed up my aro education by failing to recognize that aromanticism is not a facet of asexuality. While the ace community loves to remind everyone that aces can still feel romantic attraction, they are blindsided to the fact that aros can still feel sexual attraction. That aromanticism is not inherently tied to asexuality, and that the experiences of aroaces who cannot seperate their aromanticism and their asexuality aren’t universal in the aro community by any means. 

I can forgive the ace community for not educating me on things coined by or primarily used by aros, such as qpr’s, aro culture elements, and greyro identities. They are not required to keep up with every step that our community takes. I cannot forgive them for failing to provide me with basic information on aromanticism other than the acknowledgement that it existed, for consistently conflating aromanticism and asexuality, for failing to give me the proper resources to figure out my aro identity, when we are supposed to be ‘connected’ communities. 

TL;DR: my aro education got severely fucked up by the assumption that all aros are asexual, and if it hadn’t been for a complete fluke of striking up a conversation with someone who happened to be involved in the aro community, I might have never been able to properly appreciate or recognize my aromanticism. 

You can see how these experiences kind of overlap with those of allo aros. Obviously, they’re not the same, like at all, but the fact of the matter is that I can relate to the bitterness that allo aros feel towards the ace community. Often a lot more than I can relate to aroaces’ feelings towards the ace community, be they negative or positive. 

And because of those experiences, you can see why I’m distrustful of letting the ace community stay intrinsically connected to the aro community. They are larger, and therefore have a louder voice and more reach; if we, as aros, don’t grow on our own, outside of the ace community’s shadow, I’m genuinely unsure of whether we’ll ever be able to reach our full potential. Because as it stands, the majority of aros will need to go through the ace community first, and I think they’ve sufficiently proven to be wholly inadequate in providing aros resources to figure out their aromanticism. And frankly? I don’t want the ace community to be the primary educators on aromanticism. That’s a recipe for disaster no matter what. I want the aro community to be the go-to place for information on aromanticism, and that can only happen if we are as loud, as big as the ace community. 

I don’t relate to a lot of aroaces’ torn feelings between the ace community and the aro community, because in my case, that choice was made a long time ago: it’s the aro community. It will always be the aro community. While I’m thankful towards the ace community for sheltering me when I was vulnerable, and while I will always stand with them if they need to fight against assholes or need to spread awareness, and while I’ll probably never really drop the ace label and will occasionally participate in ace-centric discussions, they are not my priority, because I was never theirs. There is no love lost between me and the ace community. My aromanticism is the part of me that is most prominent in day-to-day life, and it’s what I consider to be the most important because of that; the aro community is tiny still, struggling to gain recognition and find a direction, and it needs my support more than the ace community ever did. 

Furthermore, in this discussion, I strongly believe that the aro community needs to prioritize the feelings of allo aros, and other non-asexual aros and aros who do not feel comfortable in the ace community for other reasons.  While we aroaces are definitely important and should obviously have a say in the way the community is heading (I mean. Duh. We’re aro), I’m uncomfortable with aroaces taking charge of community conversations because I feel like that’s just a repeat of what’s been happening in the wider aspec community for a long, long time: ace people taking charge, leaving less-recognized aros in the dust. Obviously, a large part of that is due to my own personal experiences with aces talking over aros for the majority of my aro education, and I’m (perhaps irrationally) scared that the same thing is going to happen here. But a large part of it is also due to the fact that, as is, aroaces are the largest voice in the aro community; this is an undeniable fact. It would be easy, way too easy, for us to unknowingly drown out the voices of allo aros, when we should be amplifying them and giving them a place of honor. The ace community’s problems with aromanticism affect non-asexual aros the most and in unique ways, and I feel like they should be leading the discussion surrounding it no matter what, really.

But I feel kind of like a traitor to aroace people because of this. My needs for the aro community obviously don’t align with that of other aroaces; I’d be willing to let relationships with the ace community burn entirely if it meant securing a spot for the aro community, which would obviously fuck over aroaces who DO need the ace community and want to participate in it, and aroaces who just simply aren’t capable of separating their aromanticism from their asexuality. I just fundamentally cannot relate to those needs and the feelings that come along with it. I just can’t. 

As a result, aside from reblogging some posts, I’ve been mostly quiet about my personal opinions on the topic. I do not feel like I’m the right person to be involved in this discourse; as an aroace, I have too much emotional baggage surrounding the ace community to advocate for their needs and I have been absent from the ace community for too long to have a good grasp on it anyway; and as an aromantic plain and simple, I do not feel like I should be leading this charge anyway because of my asexuality. While I find it bad to split the aro community in terms like that (I don’t believe that this discourse is a simple matter of aroaces vs. allo aros; it’s much more complicated than that, and I’ve seen aroaces and allo aros supporting each other, and of course there’s also non-SAM-aros and greyros/grayaces to consider in this discourse, which I haven’t really seen come up yet aside from a handful of posts), it really does often feel like this is the split around which the discourse is centered. And it sucks to not easily be able to identify with either ‘side’, and to lose the security I thought I had in the (aro-leaning side of the) aroace community. 

This is probably the last I’m going to say on this intracommunity issue on my own; I’ll be reblogging posts and watching it go down, but I don’t feel like I’m in any way equipped to really have meaningful say in this discourse. I might change my mind later on, but as of now, this is where I stand: confused, mainly.

[unfuck-my-life]

Why did you guys delete that post abput aphobes seeing ace people in public?? It was amazing ?? Dont tell me ur of THOSE ace pages which are like "uwu no drama only humor on this page uwu" when ur fellow ace people are suffering and being harassed by aphobes . I get that you dont post the ace discourse stuff bc all aces don't consider themselves lgbt but ignoring aphobia is ignorant. I'm gonna ask mod lilac about this too. This is one of my fav blogs here & i want u guys to be on our side

Ok. I’m tired of getting shit from various people for this. 1. Yes I am one of those “no drama on my blog” types and I’ve been pretty open about that.

You think I haven’t experienced harassment? Do you think I haven’t suffered? You, random internet STRANGER have no right to judge me for not standing up on every aspect of my social media for this.

When I first started going online, and looking at things about asexuality and talking to people about asexuality, I got so much shit.

I have had “you need to be fixed” conversations, real and online.

I have had rape threats.

I have had someone tell me I should be locked up for 50 years until I pick a side.

I have had people’s misconceptions about asexuality and lack of interest in learning anything new strongly negatively affect all kinds of relationships I’ve had with other people.

How DARE you call me ignorant. Do you seriously think I don’t know this shit exists?

2. The Unfuckables is an ESCAPE. Not just for those who visit it, but for me. I want to actively avoid all the toxic bullshit that comes with anything to do with tumblr’s “discourse” and that means I don’t want to be reminded about aphobia in one of the few fucking things I do to relax.

For the record, in both the LGBT and Asexual community I’ve gotten shit too.

numerous people outing me or pressuring me to out myself for various reasons, from forgetting, to considering my decision not to out myself to people I didn’t know well “immoral”.

I’ve been chewed out for not wanting to march in a parade the first time I went to pride.

I’ve been told I’m a bad person for not wanting to go to pride with a sign saying asexuals have sex too, because I didn’t want to have a bunch of strangers know about my sex life. Or be asked, by strangers, about my sexual experiences.

Online, there’s alot of name-calling and negativity on both sides of the discourse. Theres also alot of exclusionist stuff within the asexual community. As well as a bunch of things that make me feel alienated from it because I’m not a “model ace”.

I’m sorry you have an issue with how I want to be support myself and be happy about my sexuality and have ONE space where I don’t have to fucking deal with everyone else’s bullshit.

I also never would have let that post be made if I had seen it sooner. Because of people like you who can’t just let me be happy on my own terms because I’m not making a statement with the tumblr… where I reblog memes….

[405blazeitt]

4am ramblings, im up some 2 hours later than id intended because ive been reading posts about lgbt+ stuff and it's kinda sad that so many of the ace and aro blogs are now inactive or deactivated i dont take part in inclusion/exclusion discourse but i remember around 2010-12 there was a lot of business with ace folks telling lgbtqiap groups that "the a stands for asexual" and those groups going "you know what? you're right" and that was cool for a while. i can totes understand the argument for not including cis aroaces and cishet aros/aces in lgbt, but it's such a big leap from that stance to things like "kids shouldn't be taught about asexuality" and "asexuality is homophobic" and the general treatment of aro/ace topics as "cringey." mentions of quasiplatonic and queerplatonic relationships get ridiculed, there are blogs dedicated to making fun of aro/ace headcanons, folks claim that demi and gray arent real and the split model of attraction is harmful, etc etc etc and it reminds me of why i sort of stepped back from strongly identifying with aro, ace, and lgbt+ communities online, even tho im pretty definitely not just an a in the alphabet soup. but im not involved in any offline communities either, and asexuality and aromanticism are still not widely accepted by the general population, so outside of a few small friend groups idk where i can talk about ace stuff but more to the point: when can we make cake jokes again?

[asexualdoctorwho]

Submission: “Moffat made me sad...”

(TW for discussion of aphobic comments)

Hiya! I just watched an interview with Moffat on YT called “Steven Moffat on writing for Doctor Who, Weeping Angels and more!”. Have you watched it? I have to say, I was quite dissapointed to hear Moffat say, that The Doctor was never asexual and that “it”!!?!?? was always there. He also said, that the only way a person can get to know themselves and grow, is when they’re in love. That made me a bit sad because, well… aro people exist? I exist? Am I unable of self-awareness and introspection now or what? Oh, and he added that characters who aren’t/weren’t in love are uninteresting and there would be nothing to write about. Despite the unpopular opinion, I actually always liked Moffat and his take on Doctor Who, but these comments are terrible and I was shocked to hear them from a guy I respect for what he’s done. The first one could maybe get a pass as an opinion (as in “not cannon”). Fine. But the second point? Oh boy. 😢 I’m lost for words. I’d like to hear your take on this. I don’t even know, if you hate Moffat or not, I’m kinda new on your blog, but that’s not important, so I hope it doesn’t become the central point of this whole post. What do you think about what he said? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Oh jeez. Well, first of all, I’m sorry about that, I know I was upset when I first heard about Moffat making aphobic comments, and just in general reading or hearing things like that can be really upsetting and disheartening. 

I can give you my opinion on Moffat if you like, however take it with a grain of salt and also know that I have 0 intention of participating in any Moffat vs RTD discourse. They are both decent writers and I have enjoyed both of their eras of Doctor Who, but neither of them is perfect or unproblematic.  Both of them have created stories I have enjoyed, and both of them have produced or said some things I really disagree with.

My take is this: I don’t hate Moffat’s writing. I think it definitely could have used some improvements in the beginning, and there were some problematic aspects to it, but I really did enjoy some of his later writing, especially with Twelve. I don’t think Moffat is a bad writer. However, I have heard of the aphobic comments he has made in the past, such as implying that asexual characters are boring to write because there’s supposedly no tension or something (which to be honest seems kinda ridiculous coming from someone who writes the Doctor and Sherlock Holmes, arguably two of the most iconic and interesting a-spec coded characters in fiction) and I strongly disagree with it and disapprove of it. To be honest I’m... kind of in a similar boat as you. I don’t dislike his writing, but I am deeply disappointed with his comments on a-spec identities and an a-spec interpretation of the Doctor, and therefore can’t keep much respect for the man. Especially since those comments hurt and disappointing a lot of ace and aro fans.

If its any consolation, Moffat is one writer in a long legacy of Doctor Who writers, many of which have written very a-spec coded portrayals of the Doctor. Heck, whether he likes it or not Moffat’s version of the Doctor still reads as pretty a-spec. The Doctor has been portrayed in a manner that is very ace and aro-coded for a very long time, especially in Classic Who, and there is nothing Moffat can do or say that will change that. Plus both Jon Pertwee and Matt Smith have said they see the Doctor as asexual, and the Doctor’s asexuality and/or aromanticism and the asexuality of time lords has also been brought up either explicitly or implicitly in the extended universe or has been brought up or implied by other people involved in the show. Also, death of the author is a thing. You can completely ignore Moffats interpretation. Moffat is not the only writer and his interpretation is not all that matters. Not by a long shot.

But I know regardless of whether or not his comments can be explained away or dismissed as not canon, hearing things like that still hurts. A lot. As an ace aro-spec nonbinary person, the Doctor being a-spec and nb means the goddamn world to me, and everytime I hear someone dismissing that, it feels like a punch in the gut. I hate it and I feel disrespected and invalidated and just generally awful. And I’m sorry that Moffat’s ignorance made you feel the same way.

Here’s some ace dr who quotes

and some aro dr who quotes

if it helps any. Idk, sometimes reminding myself that there is evidence that the Doctor is a-spec, that my theories are not invalid, that I am not invalid, that there are others who also feel the same way, helps me feel a bit better. Sometimes I need that reminder that I’m not alone in this.

Again, I’m really sorry that you got disappointed like this. I hope you feel better, and that this properly answered your question.

(also i tried to tag this so people who might be upset by aphobia mentions can block it, however if anyone thinks I need to tag this as anything else please let me know. I try to keep this blog a mainly positive and more or less discourse free space and I don’t want to throw a post discussing potentially upsetting comments in the mix without tagging it appropriately)

[kincringeemporium]

"How Do I Stop Being Kin!?”: A Helpful Guide (Long Post)

so... yup. tumblr ate some of my archive, including one of my most important posts: a list of steps on how to distance yourself from the kin community. as there’s no way (that i know of) to get that post back... here’s this! 

how to use the guide: all complaints/problems that kin frequently send when they don’t want to be kin anymore? those are in large bold. each complaint has a list of steps on how to solve it; the steps (my responses) are just in the normal font. don’t see what you need? send an ask saying you want to see it in a part 2! 

“I don’t want to be kin with (x) anymore!” 

okay! this one centers mostly around keeping lists. and as i said to the most recent anon, the first step toward stopping is wanting to stop. 

1. get two separate sheets of paper (or start digital documents you can print later). on one, write “(Your Name) List”. on the other, write “(Kintype Name) List.” 

2. fill the YN List first. write down every one of your own traits that you can name. they can relate to appearance, gender, hobbies/interests, mental health, neurodiversity, hopes and aspirations, etc. these do not all have to be good things. try to have a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 balance of good, bad, and neutral traits. (an example of a bad trait/habit is “nail biting”, because that’s harmful. not “brown hair”. if you don’t like your hair color put “brown hair” down as a neutral trait. it’s not bad, you just want a different color.) 

3. fill the KN (kintype name) list next. do not use “i”, “we”, “myself”, in this list becase it’s not about you. 

  • if it’s a fictional character, write down facts relating to the character’s creation. who’s the author/designer/creator? what year was the source released? what type of media is the source -- a fantasy book, a video game, a movie? emphasize that the character is fictional, not real (add ‘in this universe�� if you believe in the multiverse theory) and cannot be reincarnated. 

• if it’s an animal, write down all of its behaviors: does it eat meat? what sounds does it make? is it dangerous or not? now, if you believe in reincarnation, it’s way more plausible that animals can be reincarnated and their next lives can be as humans. emphasize that even if you were the animal in a past life, you are a human now -- it is not healthy to think you literally still are the animal and/or to behave like it. 

•  if it’s a part of nature, like a star or a tree, write down all the facts about it that you know and emphasize that it is not sentient, it doesn’t have a soul, and it cannot make choices or be reincarnated. 

keep the lists with you (as a physical copy/paper). 

4. tell yourself that it’s okay to like the character, animal, or thing, it’s okay to feel that it represents part of who you are. it’s okay to feel comforted by it when you’ve had a shitty day or you’re in a bad mood. feeling these things does not automatically make you kin. write these down on a small piece of paper and keep the paper with you. 

5. even though it is okay to like the character/animal/thing, slowly start avoiding content that includes it. if you are trying to stop being fictionkin, do not watch the source. stay away from fanfic, pictures, etc, that make you have strong emotions about it. 

6. if you ever are feeling guilty about something your kintype did (and this applies mostly to villain kin), you are projecting. whether you’re feeling guilty about your own mistakes without realizing, or you want the chance to fix something/apologize, you are projecting. if you are acting out what you really, really want the villain to do -- ie, you relate to them strongly but they’re not repentant and you want them to be... rp. start a roleplay blog, write a redemption au. look back at your lists again. 

• if it’s not a villain, but you’re feeling guilty about something bad your kintype did, still do a bit of rp and keep looking back at those lists! 

7. whenever you have “kinfeels” or “kin memories”, look at your YN and KN lists. read them to remind yourself that you are not the same person as the character, not the same being as the animal, and not something inanimate. 

8. try new things and (now i’m not saying this to be a bitch) go outside. i mean it. vitamin d is good for you. you don’t have to exercise, but if you are able to, go for it. visit the library, the park, a coffee shop, the mall, anywhere. test out new hobbies, like 

• writing fiction (could be about the character/animal/thing, if this is how you maintain a connection with it while not identifying as it) 

 • traditional drawing  

 • digital drawing 

 • sewing, knitting, or crochet 

• writing movie critiques/analyses 

• jewelry making 

• making non-kin-related selfcare 

• sports 

“I want to get out of the community, but I’m not ready to let go of my kintypes!” 

so you’re not ready? okay. this is still your first step. you will fuck yourself over badly if you push yourself to 100% stop being kin before you can function without it. this is true in situations like abusive households or trauma: if you pretend that you’re someone else who’s never had to deal with those things, you are using escapism to let off stress and unwind. 

1. change your blog theme. i know it sounds dumb and unrelated. however, having a visual change will make you more inclined to change other things -- and it will start to tell other people in the community that you are able to change. 

2. update your about, kin page, and byf. take things like “don’t follow if you don’t see me as (kintype)”, “no doubles”, and kin-related discourse out of those pages. anything that typically appears in kin cringe comps? take it out. (look through my blog for example of typical cringe comp material.) 

• don’t say “literally me”, “100% me”, “ID” about the kintypes you list. 

• instead of having separate sections for “primary”, “secondary”, “tertiary”, things like that... just say “kintypes” once and list them/insert their pictures. 

• do NOT link to others’ blogs saying “this person is my (canonmate name)!” or “i found my (important canonmate)! 

• whatever your stance on ace discourse... take that out of your pages. i have no idea why, but the kin community is fucking overrun with people thinking that aces/aros aren’t lgbtq+. removing this discourse from your blog will remove you from another common kin community behavior. (it’s totally okay to post ace/aro positivity, but don’t involve yourself in heavy discourse and don’t put “Aces/aros are/aren’t lgbtq!” on your about/kinpage/byf.) 

3. if you list kin friends or kin blogs on one of your pages, consider taking out the links and just describing the friends/blogs. this will distance your blog from the network of kin on here. 

4. instead of requesting “kintype selfcare/positivity” from those kin resource blogs: 

• reblog aesthetics that remind you of the kintypes, but is not labeled as “(kintype) aesthetic”. 

• make some aesthetics yourself based on the kintypes. if you’re tagging, then just use general tags (ie, “kin”, “otherkin”, or “fictionkin”), not specifically the character’s name or the type of animal you identify with. 

• write positive affirmations for yourself, such as “i got enough sleep so this will be a better day!” or “i didn’t lie in bed all day so i feel motivated!” or “i ate something healthy instead of junk food!” 

• if you’re writing affirmations specifically about a kintype, don’t refer to the kintype using “i” or “we”. instead, write “(character) tries their best to fix wrongdoings, so i will too!” or “(character) makes an effort to overcome anxiety, so i’m going to try harder too!” or “(animal) isn’t inherently bad/gross; it’s trying to survive like me!” 

• basically, when writing positivity/affirmations, pick a trait that the kintype has that you want to have too. don’t just say “i have this trait because i am (kintype)!” 

• sorry not sorry, but the overwhelming majority of the positivity on those blogs is useless. it might make you feel better for a couple minutes, but it’s superficial. even if the person running the blog genuinely wants people to feel better, they are still operating under the obligation to give positivity. 

it is not as genuine as it should be. the person doesn’t know who you are, and they might not know a lot about the kintype. the positivity from those blogs is generic, ie, “even if you’ve done some bad things, you’re not a bad person!” You need specifics, which only you can come up with -- because only you know yourself. when something is vague or general, we think deep down that it’s not true. (btw, that’s the same psychology behind the “sounds fake but okay” meme.)

5. if your mutuals get into kin drama, or if you see kin drama on your dash, stay out of it. it does not matter right now if these people are your best friends in the world, because once the drama dies down, your url is still all over those posts. even if the people who started the drama delete the posts, other people have everything saved. the things you said in anger or anxiety or whatever are still on tumblr. and tumblr has an extremely difficult time recognizing that what someone said three months ago doesn’t define what they say now. 

6. unfollow people who have ‘typical cringe comp material’ on their pages and/or people who frequently are involved in drama. 

• if they have “ask to unfollow” on their pages, unfollow anyway. if they harass you about it, block them (and maybe report for... violating community guidelines. or harassment). DON’T PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGES. EVER. FOLLOWING YOU IS NOT A CHORE. MAKING PEOPLE ASK PERMISSION TO UNFOLLOW YOU CAN CAUSE THEM HUGE AMOUNTS OF ANXIETY. IT’S SHITTY AND ENTITLED. DON’T DO IT. 

7. if you’re going to send hate to antis, i can’t stop you, but for fuck’s sake, do that on anon. (”what!?” you say as you read this post. “but don’t antis think anon hate is cowardly!?”) you just don’t want to be known as someone active enough in the community to send off-anon shit. 

8. if i have or another anti/cringe blog has screenshotted your post/page, ask for it to be removed. no promises that other blogs will remove your stuff, but here on kce and over at @only-on-tomblr, we will. having your content up on popular cringe blogs can definitely get you recognized among the community, and you don’t want that. 

“I don’t want to rely so hard on being kin -- I want kin to be a casual thing!” 

1. first off, follow the “i want to get out of the community” list. you don’t have to stop identifying as kin, you just need to distance yourself from that network of over the top, hardcore kin people. 

2. recognize that kin is your coping mechanism. it is okay to use escapism (that’s what kin is tbh) to cope. it is okay to step away from reality, unwind, then go back to reality after a few hours of doing kin stuff/rp. 

3. recognize that any coping mechanism is going to be harmful when you take it too far. when it goes too far, it becomes an obsession. (because i am sure someone’s going to say this, i’m not dragging special interests. those are not the same as coping mechanisms gone wrong and this post does not relate to special interests.) 

4. guess what? you don’t need just one coping mechanism. and because you’re not completely dropping the kintypes, you need to focus your kin-related energy into a creative outlet. what i mean by that is... write about them. draw pictures of them. do commissions, even for people who have the same kintype. not to mention, if you write about/draw them a lot, you are getting so much better at those skills. 

5. optional: it would also help to make lists of your traits and the kintypes’ traits, like in the first section of this post. 

6. as with the other sections, do not refer to the kintypes as “myself”/”i”. 

that’s about it 

Other things you can do 

• write a brief analysis of an episode, movie, chapter, etc in which the character/kintype appears. what does the person/being do and why? how do their actions result in the episode/chapter/game/movie ending? how do other characters react to it? and how is this different from what you would do, right now, if you were in the same situation? (obviously no one has to see it, so doesn’t matter if it sucks) 

• interact with people who have the same kintype so you can become more comfortable with “doubles” and thus be less intense about being kin 

• when you’re watching/reading/playing/listening to new media (’source’), and you begin to have “kinfeels” for someone, step back. put the book down. pause the show or podcast. remind yourself that this is fiction. even if the multiverse does exist, your kintype cannot cross between universes and ‘be’ you. you are most likely projecting onto the character or you are inspired to create a similar character/oc. 

• aaand.... here it comes... oh god. oh no. limit your time on tumblr. do not spend all day on this forsaken hellsite.  

Things to absolutely NOT do 

• post anything like “why did the author put me/kintype in a relationship with a girl!? i’m gay!” all that does is imply that you think you have some kind of ownership over someone else’s character. it makes you look like you want everything to go your way -- and not everything can. i am not saying that to be a jerk. 

• ask people to unfollow you. as i said before (now, i don’t have anxiety so this isn’t from firsthand experience), do you have any idea how much anxiety that causes people? and how shitty a thing it is to do? 

• harass someone over being a double 

• tell them to unfollow/stop interacting because they are a double 

• compare being kin to being trans or nonbinary. for fuck’s sake. there’s no such thing as a “kingender”.

                     - even if your kintype was female in ‘your source’, but wasn’t                                  female in canon... that does not mean you are trans and it does                            not mean the kintype is trans.    

                    - even if you are trans yourself, it has absolutely nothing to do with                        you identifying as kin. they are not related. you are a trans person                        who also happens to be kin.    

                   - things like “canidgender: a gender that feels tough and ready to                           defend, a gender that makes you feel alert, a gender that....” are not                     real. gender is not an emotion. besides, these descriptions have                            nothing to do with gender. 

  • say that you have dysphoria about your kintype. again, if you have dysphoria, it’s because you are transgender/nonbinary. you do not have “species dysphoria” about your astral ears. just because it’s listed on google with a definition does not mean it’s legit. 

• use ‘kin pronouns’ like glitch/glitchs/glitchself. ne/nes/neself. star/stars/starself. it/its. the very concept of kin pronouns suggests that gender is automatically tied to kin. it’s not. and you are not an object. 

• send people hate or get into discourse about headcanons involving your kintype 

• tag art as “me” or “kin” or “id”. even if the artist says it’s okay, avoiding this is another way to distance yourself from a harmful community. if you need/want to keep a tagging system, just tag it with the character’s name or the type of animal. 

• tell someone that they are “your (important canonmate). 

• especially do not tell someone that your characters dated and that you must begin a romantic relationship because of that! 

• insist that someone just has to remember something that you remember! here’s an appropriate exchange on this. 

              you: “do you remember when our kintypes had that huge fight, then                     made up and dated for a few months? we drifted apart and stopped                    dating.” 

              them: “no... i recall something different.” 

               you: “oh. well, that’s okay!” 

comments i just know i’m going to get (they’re useless. don’t post them and don’t send them to me) 

• you’re policing our identities! 

•you can’t dictate how we cope! 

• you can’t take away our fun! 

• how would you know how this stuff works? you’re not kin! 

• ableist! 

• go do something productive! 

• i don’t care. i’m doing these things anyway! 

-k 

[seelieze]

Stop pretending you give a FUCK about the POC on riverdale when you're just fucking salty about Jughead. No one fucking cares about your ace discourse you aces are so fucking annoying

considering that my first point of order in my post about riverdale was calling out their mistreatment of josie mccoy’s character (and subsequently the entirety of the pussycats, who barely get screen time and are sidelined in favour of the white/white-passing characters (in archie’s case)), i think it’s pretty safe to say that i’m mad that the show is being called~diverse~ when in actuality, they have a small handful of sidelined poc characters.

i do care about the poc representation on riverdale, actually - you seem evidently blinded by a rage towards asexual people, and seemingly skipped past my mention of white washing kj apa (which most riverdale fans don’t even know/care about).

and personally, i couldn’t give two shits about jughead. he’s not a character that interests me, nor am i a fan of cole sprouse (of whom is a casual racist with a belief in reverse racism, and is strongly believed to have been an emotional abuser to his ex girlfriend). but, yes, when i found out he (as in, jughead) was canonically asexual in the comics - i was excited. naturally. asexual rep is rare as hell. but then they straight washed him, and of course i was upset and aggravated.

but that is not my main concern. riverdale as a whole is a gross show, claiming to be diverse or inclusive, yet only using ‘token’ characters - rather than making these lgbtq+ and poc characters centre stage, where they should rightly - and deserve to - be.

also friendly reminder that im only fourteen and therefore a minor with limited knowledge on this subject. :)

[vaspider]

If you’re actively reblogging anti-ace discourse or from ace exclusion discourse blogs, especially the shitheels who stalk and harass me and were directly contributory to Why I Don’t Talk About My Conversion To Judaism Anymore, please don’t follow or reblog from me.

The sun came up in the east and just as predictably, I still feel very strongly that ace exclusion is repackaged biphobia, enbyphobia, and transphobia, and if you’re actively promoting that, then you’re actively promoting the exclusion of me and my queer fam, so please - no.

This has been your periodic reminder: anti-ace rhetoric is the same shit my bi ass heard 20 years ago and I ain’t cool with it.