#i was avoiding this conversation altogether bc it has nothing to do with the power dynamics and intracommunity dynamics i talk about here

[transmascissues]

I bet the transfem tag doesn’t have half as much transmasc porn deliberately tagged wrong as the transmasc tag has transfem porn

For every transmasc post I see there’s two porn accounts to block

Just pisses me off. I want to see posts about transmascs!!!

while i think you are probably right about the fact that there isn’t going to be as much transmasc porn in the transfem tag (though i can’t say i’m 100% certain, it’s not like i’ve ever scrolled through both tags and actually counted) and i do find the amount of porn in our tags frustrating, i want to talk a bit about the way this issue is being framed.

the thing you have to remember about porn bots is that you can’t think of them as real people. the whole point of them is to make money by pushing those links into popular tags so as many people see them as possible. they want people to click the link, so they show it to as many people as they can. so when you see these posts, you have to keep in mind that there’s not an individual person sitting behind a screen making specific decisions about whose tags to fuck over or what kind of porn to advertise, those decisions are most likely made based on some sort of algorithm designed to make as much money as possible.

so let’s think about it critically — why might we be seeing so much transfem porn in transmasc tags?

well, a lot of these bots are probably using our tag because tumblr has a lot of transmascs who use those tags. the trans communities on different sites are going to have different demographics, and if you’ve ever seen a poll going around with different choices for transmascs and transfems, you’ve seen just how dramatic the difference in numbers on here can be. these bots are targeting our tags because there are a lot of us here and we tend to be very active which means the bots have a better chance of getting clicks, not because an actual person decided they wanted to fuck over our tags specifically.

and why does the porn tend to be transfem porn? i can’t say for sure, but i’ll tell you my theories. first of all, i’m guessing these bots are using trans porn because tumblr has a lot of very active trans tags, and they probably take that into account — they assume that people in trans tags are more likely to want trans porn. the tag matches the link’s key words in that way, so that’s what their formula for getting clicks thinks we want to see. and i’m guessing it’s transfem porn specifically because there’s just more of that — transfem porn is much easier to find than transmasc porn, and it’s also probably seen as a better bet for these bots because being more popular means more people will want to click it. and that doesn’t stem from people preferring transfems over transmascs or anything like that, it stems from the rampant fetishization of transfems. these accounts aren’t actual transfem sex workers choosing to put their content in the transmasc tags, they’re bots doing what they think is going to make money. they don’t care how transfems feel about it being used and they don’t care how transmascs feel about seeing it instead of what we were actually looking for.

so while i absolutely share your frustration with our tags being overrun with porn, i don’t like how the issue has been framed by a lot of people as a transmasc vs transfem issue. i get how on the surface, it seems like our tags are having more of a problem with it and that must be for a reason, but the reason doesn’t actually have anything to do with our identities — it has everything to do with what bots think is the best way to get us to click their links.

this problem has nothing to do with transmasc vs transfem, and everything to do with the fact that tumblr won’t take care of its bot problem. if you want to get mad at someone for the fact that you can’t see the content you’re looking for without wading through countless porn bots, that’s where your anger should be going: toward the site that hasn’t done anything about it.

i wanted to lay this all out because while you didn’t explicitly blame transfems for this issue in your ask (you more so just said they don’t have to deal with it to the degree we do), i’ve seen posts with a similar tone that do imply that transfems are somehow behind this issue, and that honestly frustrates me more than the issue itself. blaming transfems for this isn’t fair to them — this is a bot issue, not an issue with real people on the site — and it also doesn’t do us any favors because it makes people less likely to take us seriously when we talk about things that are actually specifically targeting our community spaces.

and even though you didn’t take that explicit blaming stance in your ask, i think this issue being brought up as a “transmasc issue” at all reflects a fundamental misunderstanding of exactly why it happens the way it does. so i want this to serve as a reminder that when we have a conversation about something in our community, we have to think critically about the way we’re framing that conversation and make sure we have a good understanding of the root of the problem at hand.

because this really isn’t an issue that should be framed as transmasc vs transfem. i’m sure it’s not any less frustrating for transfems to see porn that fetishizes their bodies plastered all over the site than it is for us to have to dig through that porn to find the content we’re looking for. and it’s not really an issue that has anything to do with the fact that the tags are for transmascs at all. you say someone is deliberately mistagging into our tags, but it’s deliberate on a level that has nothing to do with the individual tags being used.

if we want to have conversations about the ways transmascs are uniquely mistreated, that comes with a responsibility to make sure the things we talk about are actually examples of a unique form of mistreatment and not symptoms of a totally different issue. we have to be careful not to pick the wrong battles, especially if doing so could artificially pit us against transfems who haven’t actually done anything wrong.

i worry that the struggles we’ve had in making our voices heard within our community have made some of us start to see our transfem sisters and siblings as the enemy by default, so i want to strongly caution everyone contributing to these conversations to think deeply about how you’re framing what you’re saying and if it’s actually appropriate before suggesting that any particular issue is a matter of transmascs vs transfems. there are definitely situations where the root of the issue is lateral aggression or intracommunity conflict, but this isn’t one of them and the fact that so many people have interpreted it that way really doesn’t reflect well on us.

i’m just as annoyed by the porn bots in our tags as the next guy, but this isn’t the way to go about having that conversation.

[tiredsurvivoronmain]

Hi, I found your account because I also like Chrisker and DBD and I really enjoy your fanart! (I learned about them through DBD XD)

I also wanted to ask if you think the rumors about Wesker having a crush on Rebecca are true? I came across that due to both, DBD and RE fanart etc and I really hope it's not true

Hi anon! Thank you! I'm happy to hear you're enjoying my art! <3

Honestly the whole thing makes me uncomfortable but I don't think that's the case and I'll try to explain it. First off, I HATE that photo/Easter Egg with a passion. Secondly, as it's an Easter Egg I don't consider it canon.

Easter Eggs in games are supposed to be silly and funny or creepy, plus EEs generally aren't supposed to be connected to the plot or canon. They're more of a little challenge/puzzle for the player to figure out hidden Easter eggs, the result is usually intended to give the player a 'lmao what??' or 'wtf' reaction, something that's not meant to be taken seriously. Sometimes it's just something to do to get a hidden trophy.

I did read somewhere that Enrico and Wesker shared the same office, and since Rebecca was on Enrico's team it's possible that he was the one who had the photo, not Wesker. (there's only one S.T.A.R.S office so where was Enrico's team supposed to work??) Additionally, the photo wasn't even developed yet it was just on a film roll; the player had to be the one to develop it (at least in RE2R, idk about the OG RE2). In both RE1 games when it was just Wesker, Chris and Rebecca, when Rebecca joined in the conversation between Chris and Wesker, he didn't hesitate to shoot her, as if he was annoyed about being interrupted by her. If he had an interest in her I imagine it was because she was a threat; she was smart and a medic, if she had the resources she would be able figure out cures/vaccines for viruses. OR he may have wanted her to work for him as a scientist when he bails from Umbrella as she's intelligent enough. He can't work alone he'll need his own team of soldiers and scientists.

But overall no I don't think it's a canon thing. The photo was probably amusing in the OG game at the time but these days it's not so amusing and in bad taste tbh. (it's not something that's aged well imo). I try to ignore/avoid the whole thing altogether but if I had to go with a reason for it I either go with the 'it was Enrico not Wesker that had the photo in the desk drawer' or the Chrisker version; Wesker didn't want Chris to develop an interest in Rebecca (Wesker is the jealous/possessive type) so he took the film roll/photo with the intention to dispose of it but forgot about it or before he could get rid of it he and his team had to go to the mansion. Bc of the idea of Chris getting a crush on her or he might have seen Chris and Rebecca (who was new to S.T.A.R.S) talking one day and it got under his skin, he had particular malice towards her in a territorial/jealousy kind of way.

Also wanna say I don't hate Rebecca! ;; I just really don't like the photo Easter egg and the association it has with Wesker. Wesker can be a creepy bastard sure but I think it's more of an intimidation tactic to be the one in control, nothing more. An 'all bark and no bite' situation. Considering how fruity and high off his ass on hubris/power he was I don't think he actually felt anything for Rebecca. If anything I consider Wesker to be on the ace spectrum and doesn't really feel anything for anybody (with the exception of Chris maybe seeing how obsessed he is with him, romantically/sexually or not). This is how I see Wesker:

I hope that reassures you ;-; (and anybody else who was concerned about it)

[darkandstormyart]

Xicheng fic recs

(figured i might make a list of my own)

(to be expanded as i dig out more treasure/remember stuff)

in no particular order:

Deep as the Yearning Night by FreckledStarKnight

“At first, it was pure chance. The second time was accidental. And the third time? Well, they say the third time’s the charm, after all. Lan Xichen discovers that Jiang Wanyin sings beautifully and is immediately enamored by it. His pursuit of Jiang Wanyin’s secret talent leads to a discovery and a series of events that he did not anticipate at all. Not that he’s complaining, of course. He got what he came for and more. Or, how two sect leaders get together through the song called love. CQL-verse.“

post-seclusion lxc

trying to get jc to sing

bonus lxc & jin ling feels i hadn’t considered before

cute

Always use protection by hesselives

“In which Lan Wangji attempts to hire a new bodyguard for his older brother, a well-known traveling exorcist. Jiang Wanyin doesn’t even make his carefully considered list of Top Ten Candidates, and yet here he is.

Lots of wandering in the countryside, distant yelling, and mildly inconvenient spirits.”

bodyguard au

honestly just really intersting worldbuilding

Rewrite the stars by Arashii

“Five great kingdoms have been fighting for years and when the kingdom of Yunmeng is destroyed, the Crown Prince Jiang Cheng vanishes.In Gusu, Lan Xichen makes an offer impossible for Jiang Cheng to refuse. His life or revenge? There’s only one option and Jiang Cheng swears loyalty to the man he hated the most his whole life, the Crown Prince of Gusu, Lan Xichen himself.Written for XiChengFest2020 - Day 4“

ROYALTY AU ROYALTY AU

enemies to lovers!

flashbacks! i love flashbacks so much ohmygod

No paths are bound by Arashii

“In seclusion, Lan Huan has the support of a ghost no one has seen since the massacre of Yunmeng Jiang. His feelings start changing with the often visits and conversations they share. Before Lan Huan can confess though, he ascends, leaving everything and everyone behind him.

Two hundred years later, back to the Human Realm and without powers, the Martial God Zewu-Jun has a mission to uphold. His Heavenly Calamity started. The clues are little and the support comes in the most unexpected form, the current Ghost King: Sandu Shengshou. Now they need to stick together to contain a menace that is slowly growing.“

TGCF AU TGCF AU

ghost king jiang cheng come on

doesn’t follow tgcf plot, just the setup so no spoilers

jiang cheng gets the dogs and the xichen he deserves

once upon a dream by cafedeolla

“Xicheng soulmate AU

An au where your dreams are small snippets of your soulmate’s day. They’d show small things like buying coffee, reading a book, or hanging out with people from their perspective.

The problem was that people always have expectations and Jiang Cheng knows he always falls short of them. Time and time again.“

soulmate au, but being soulmates is more a problem than a solution

misunderstandingssss all over the place

now with a squel (in progress?)

Lan Furen series by jagaimocchi

“Jiang Cheng leaves Lotus Pier before the Wen Internment Camp and before the destruction of his home. When he meets Lan Xichen on the run from the Wens after the burning of Cloud Recesses, his plan to live a peaceful life away from cultivation sects is quickly derailed. Now, free to make his own choices, he cannot find it in himself to leave the other man's side.

With love, patience and time, Jiang Cheng finds his own happiness and peace with his past.“

have you ever wanted a fic where jiang cheng peaces out from home in search for a better life, bc he’s Had Enough??? jags got you covered

adorable xicheng

good uncle-dad-figure Lan Qiren

ongoing <3

Just around the riverbend by JungleJelly

“One day.

Jiang Cheng just wanted one day of peace and quiet, away from home, away from his responsibilities, away from his idiot brother and his nutcases of a mother and father. Just a few hours alone — him and a boat and nothing else.

Clearly, that was too much to ask for.”

now with a new story in the series which is adorable too!!!

mermaid!lxc need i say more?

Bad ideas (where they lead) by JungleJelly

“Jiang Cheng is a busy man. Fortunately, he is also a huge pushover when it comes to his sister, so when she recommends that he start doing yoga, he agrees pretty easily.Featuring Lan Xichen in yoga pants, Jiang Cheng’s inability to handle a crush, and, perhaps most importantly, a big fluffy dog.“

done for 2020 MXTX MiniBang

yoga instructor Lan Xichen

Jiang Cheng is: struggling with a crush on the yoga guy from youtube & very angry about that

If there’s a price for rotten judgement by TheWanderingHeart

“All Jiang Cheng wants to do is, well... his job, really. Other than that? Keep the city safe, keep his nephew alive, keep his sanity intact (if possible).

So when his brother calls with unexpected news, he knows all of that is about to fly out of the window.

***

[Every instinct is telling him don’t ask, you don’t want to know. By this point, Nie HuaiSang has scooted closer to listen. Jiang Cheng takes a steadying breath and pulls out his antacids. “What did you do?”]”

superhero au, come on

jc just trying to do his job in peace

(he can’t)

i love it so much oh my god *sobs*

The Form of Boneless Ice by TheWanderingHeart

“Mythical beasts have long ago been driven to extinction by the gentry — hunted for sport, but more importantly for their magical cores. Since then, there remains only one creature that has never been caught. The Jiang’s retreated a long time ago. Abandoning land altogether, they sought safety where the humans could not reach.It all comes to a head though, purely by chance. (Or is it by fate that a spontaneous decision allows for them to meet? If fate were a rock!) Jiang Cheng suddenly finds his whole life balanced on the head of a pin — on the flimsy promise of a human boy. In his opinion, things cannot possibly get worse!(But then they do when the Wens decide it’s finally time to search for the elusive merpeople, and suddenly nowhere is safe.)“

there she goes again, with another beautiful xicheng story full of awwww and mythology

actually one of the first xicheng fics i read

i chose it because there were mermaids

painfully accurate takes on Jiang family dynamics

kids! lots of kids!

Let me Slytherin to Your Heart by TheWanderingHeart

“Jiang Cheng never thought he'd return to Hogwarts, but in hindsight, he probably should have known that someday he would.With his nephew about to start school, he reluctantly takes his good friend's bad parenting? career? advice and ends up tumbling head-first back into the madness that he hoped he'd left behind... and rediscovering some feelings he thought he'd left behind too.“

Harry Potter au!

just really fecking cute

lots of snakes

[I am not going to link all of Jo’s fics, though I probably could, just my 3 favourites. UOSB is there by default]

Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes

“Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.“

done for 2019 MXTX Big Bang

uuuuuuuuuuh i might have cried maybe

heartwarming? painful at times? lots of family love?

slowburn xicheng being lovely

The Provenence of Hope series by velithya

“A chance meeting on a night hunt sets a course of events into motion that will change everything. Featuring Xicheng getting together, recovery for Lan Xichen, healing for Jiang Cheng, and always, always, hope.“

got everything. feels. hope. love. ~~healing~~

A Small Measure of Peace by Sandstone112

“With his brother in seclusion, Lan Xichen finds himself in temporary custody of his nephew with little to no expertise in the child-raising department. Uncertain and alone, Zewu-Jun is willing to do everything to be the person Yuan needs—even if it means inviting Sandu Shengshou to a playdate.“

a loooot of adorable family times with jc and lxc taking care of their nephews

good grandpa lqr!

canon but fixed and less painful

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋if you wish to avoid scurvy:🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

Some day I’m gonna make you mine series by locketofyourhair

xicheng getting together through the years

friends with benefits but the real benefits are the friends we made along the way

Take me over (take me tonight) by velithya

jiang cheng has a tattoo and lan xichen doesn’t stand a chance

i'd be the sweet feeling of release (mankind now dreams of) by piyo13

two bros, chilling in a cave, no feet apart because they don’t want to lose their cultivation powers what are you gonna do

haven’t read yet and shame on me, but AM GONNA:

Upon Our Silver Bridge by TheWanderingHeart obviously

““When the path ignites a soul, there's no remaining in place. The foot touches ground, but not for long.” ― Hakim Sanai

**

Lan Xichen's sorrows have caught the attention of something. Unlike the adventures and foes they have faced before, there is no obvious enemy here to defeat. If this is the same thing they thought had taken Nie Mingjue's life, then he believes it is fated for him to die as well. Nothing can stop the black fire when it wants to burn.Jiang Cheng is sure his part in this is over. Wei Wuxian is back, his grand adventure concluded, and he'd never been at the centre of it anyway. So what does it matter what happens to him in the end? Slowly, he will come to realise that there will always be a battle to fight, a story to tell, a choice to make, and there is no such thing as an end to anything.“

it was difficult to do things in 2020 and few i regret not doing more than not reading uosb yet :’(

i will tho

Emergency Help Wanted by piyo13

“EMERGENCY HELP WANTED I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I could leave early from work to pick him up from daycare, take him to doctor's appointments, and occasionally miss a day when he's sick. Long story short, I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy ages four to six, longish dark hair, likes soccer. Must also be artistic as the macaroni noodle paintings I made seem a little advanced for his age. Also, I will pay extra for someone willing to play the role of husband when dropping him off. He's a prosecuting attorney who often brings his work home. Message me for further details. Serious inquiries only.“

Running Our Hands Through Embers by MarvelousMar

“If asked, Jiang Cheng would compare falling in love with Lan Xichen to a moth inevitably drawn to a flame.It burned.***In which Jiang Cheng discovers that even death can't help him escape from his trauma, so he embarks on a quest to save the people he loves, fix what he can, make the love of his life fall for him, and maybe, somewhere along the way, do a little bit of healing.”

The Beginner’s Guide to Moving On by InvincibleMel

gone from ao3, but i think there’s a link with a pdf going around

[bitchiha]

hey!!! can you maybe do any of the boys that your heart would like and the request is; “them seeing/meeting your ex boyfriend for the first time” | so like the shisuirequest??

A/N: Yes I can write this for you!! I chose to write it for Kiba, Naruto and Sai! Bc Sai doesn’t get enough love =(^.^)=

✎ Meeting their s/o’s ex boyfriend!

Kiba

So allow me to paint the scene: it all starts when Kiba is walking you home from one of your routine walks together. He’s got his arm around your waist and he’s telling you about how Hianata almost passed out this morning when Naruto said hi to her. You both laugh as he finishes the memory and Akamaru trails behind you two panting happily.

You live on a pretty busy village street. So you normally see people you know all the time around your house. They’re always passing by to get groceries or go to one of the food stands nearby. So when someone calls out your name you turn around casually — expecting to see Shino or something.

But who you did not expect to see was your ex boyfriend running up to you, pushing passed people on the crowded street without batting an eye. He was kind of a douchebag.

Kiba immediately stops laughing as he feels your back tensing up around his arm. Akamaru starts growling lowly as a response to sensing both yours and Kibas alert.

Tbh tho.. The reason you’re probably the most panicked is because this is Kiba Inuzuka, you’re hotheaded boyfriend who’s just a smidge bit possessive... and he’s meeting your ex boyfriend who’s overconfident and well, for lack of better words - a douchebag.

Your ex walks up to you two and sizes up Kiba and omfg that pisses your boyfriend off. “Y/n, who’s this guy.” Definitely shows his canines (is it an accident? or did he do it to intimidate this dude? You’ll never know.)

Anyways, your ex is cocky as shit — let’s call him Makki. So he interrupts you before you even get the chance to explain to Kiba who he is, “-Oh y/n, you’ve never mentioned me? I’m Makki, her ex boyfriend.”

Dude probably eats up the pissed off look on Kibas face. Like he’s yikes lmfao he’s really pissed off.

Like who does this cocky shit think he is?? Kiba is ready to fight lol “Oh yeah buddy, that’s real good for yo-“

Your ex just cuts him off... like blatantly ignores Kiba and turns to you, “It’s been a while y/n, you still look as gorgeous as ever...” he winks at you and Kiba growls LMFAOO, but Makki just ignores him. “We’d been together for so long y/n, so how come I never knew you liked... dogs so much.” He stares at Kiba right when he says dogs and he gives him this appalled expression on his face

Kibas confused for a second bc dogs are cute....“But there’s nothing wrong with dogs- oh wait! Hey were you trying to insult me you knucklehead!”

HOLD KIBA BACK HOLD KIBA BACK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

So you’ve got your boyfriend held back, but you forgot about Akamaru.. rookie mistake. Now that giant dog is running towards Makki and the boy starts sprinting for dear life.

Kiba has a good laughing fit at the sight, “that’ll show him.” But you’re concerned because yes your ex is a douchebag and you did enjoy watching him run away scared, but you don’t want Akamaru to get in trouble for this. So you tell Kiba to go find Akamaru this instant.

“All right all right I’ll get em now... See you tomorrow, same time as today?” You nod hurriedly, wanting him to go Asap. You watch him run off before opening the door to your house and going inside.

Which was another rookie mistake.

Once you were inside he stopped running. He placed his hands behind his neck in a relaxed way as he strolled down the street, whistling like he didn’t have a dog to chase down.

“Have at em’ Akamaru”

Naruto

Yup.. you guessed it, this takes place at Ichirakus. It’s a Friday night and you two had no missions or other commitments to take care of, so he swung by your place and insisted you two go out for ramen.

So there you two sat, chatting away between mouthfuls of ramen when your ex boyfriend slides into the seat next to you.

Narutos oblivious tbh.

Like your ex just sits an elbow on the table and looks at you with a smirk, “hey, y/n, long time no see.” And you’re like.. ew wtf are you doing here.

Unlike Kiba, Naruto can’t pick up on your distaste, he just thinks it’s an old friend of yours. “Hey babe, who’s this guy?”

Your ex just introduces himself by his name and you decide to leave it at that, if you tell Naruto he’s your ex he will just get difficult to handle. So, you introduce Naruto as Naruto to avoid your ex getting all competitive too.

So you kinda avoid all relationship talk altogether and just completely skip over that fact. Honestly you’re half glad you did because Naruto actually gets along with him. Like for starters they both like ramen, are knuckleheaded and very loud. You definitely have a type. And they’re super funny too, so the whole time they’re just kinda laughing with eachother.

Had a good 15 minute long conversation about their favourite instant noodle brand and roasted you for the brand you liked. “Really y/n, that’s shameful.” They both say it in unison.

Also, your ex didnt have the intention to come into Ichirakus and crash your date, it was just a coincidence. So there was no ulterior motives to his presence and he’s not the type of guy to do it tbh. To top it all off he ends up paying for the ramen. Your ex literally pays for both you and Narutos ramen.

Such a weird experience for you tbh, but it’s also kinda funny to watch them both oblivious to your relationship with them.

At the end of the night when your ex heads home, you tell Naruto. Like you’re strolling through the busy Friday night rush and you finally spring it on him because he won’t shut up about your ex.

“Wow that guy was so cool y/n, never knew you had friends like that!” “Well actually Naruto, hes sorta my ex boyfriend.”

His eyes pop out of his head. “WHAT and you’re just telling me this now??” He’s in his head like: damn I should have showed off more or I should have made more jokes to prove that I’m the better one. He’s also like: shit he’s so cool how can he compete???!!1!1!1

Tries to hate your ex from then on, but they’re just so alike he literally cannot.

Luckily you don’t ever run into him like that again.

Sai

So.. let’s just be real here.. if you’re dating Sai you clearly have a type. You go for those emo little artsy boys. The only problem is that your ex boyfriend was an emo preppy rich art boy. You couldn’t stand his attitude anymore so you two broke up.

The only problem is that you live in the Leaf village and there’s very limited art events, so you would always bump into him. Luckily you hadn’t run into him with Sai around.. until now lol

You’re with Sai at an art exhibit that you managed to get him to submit work for. He was hesitant at first, but he gave in because you kept asking, and if he was being honest he wouldn’t mind showing some of his pieces.

So there you two are, standing together like that emo art couple that you are when your ex boyfriend walks in. He literally looks like the definition of avant garde. When he sees you he’s prepared to make some condescending comment, but then he sees Sai and he’s like: oh shit

Let’s be real here if anyone saw you and Sai together it would be an “oh shit” moment. You’re just an art power couple. That doesn’t mean your exes snobbiness would let him back down though.

So, this dude wants to prove he’s superior. When he walks up to the two of you he flat out interrupts the conversation and is like, “y/n, nice to see you,” then he turns to Sai and jusy gets down to business “so? You like art, then?”

Sai doesn’t comprehend the hostility in your ex’s tone so he answers it with a smile, prepared to tell him that this is actually his exhibit before he’s Interrupted again. “-Oh so you like art then? Okay, describe what mediums are used here.” your ex points at one of Sai’s paintings, not aware that he literally fucking painted it because he didn’t let Sai finish speaking.

So of course Sai answers and goes into a whole ramble about what mediums and why and how they bring out the details. Your ex kinda stands there like: “oh shit” again bc damn, he knows his shit.

He just points at another painting and is like, “what about this one.” And as your ex turns to study it better himself he realizes it’s literally you. It’s a painting that Sai did of you when you two first met eachother, you’re laying on the grass laughing and there’s orange hues dancing across your face indicating that the sun is setting. It’s one of Sais absolute favourites.

It’s such a bomb ass fucking painting and your ex just kinda stares at it confused and shook and you have to explain, “my boyfriends work is in this exhibit, he painted that one of me.”

But as I said, your ex is a douchebag and he’s not going to let your boyfriend get a compliment from him so he just goes, “hmph, it’s nothing special.”

And that kinda bothers Sai because that’s his girlfriend in that painting therefore it is very special.

You know where this is going. Naruto said the same line to him before LOL

So Sai hits him with this signature line, “just like your dick.” AND HE SAYS IT W THE FAKE SMILE LMFAO

Now your ex is literally dead. Like he’s flamed. On the floor straight up incinerated. And your trying to hide your laughter.

Security has to escort the guy out.

Very memorable moment for the two of you.

10/10

[cielleduciel]

I have some sensitive questions, and you totally don’t need to answer if they’re too much, but here they are. Did you ever struggle w internal homophobia? If so, how did you manage to overcome it?? And my last question: any tips for softly breaking it to Albanian parents? I know people are individuals but its still the same culture so..

• Same anon as before!! I am an 18-year-old girl that was born and raised in the US. Thank you so much, and take as much time as you need to answer.

• I would also like to add that I’ve struggled with this for a pretty long time now (since I was around 12), so it’s not like I realized my preferences just recently. For years I’ve been telling myself that it’s just a phase or I’m just starved of affection (so I’m looking for it in the wrong place) or that I just haven’t met the right guy yet. I feel disgusted with myself, and it’s very tiring and emotionally consuming. Add in my Albanian relatives on top of it, and I’m just done with it all.

thanks for your patience anon, this last week’s been a bit hectic for me

first off i’m flattered by that first question, bc i was the most self-hating repressed closet gay i knew. i started off as that kid that was like “i don’t have a problem with gay people i just don’t think they should get married and i hate it when they ‘act’ gay”. i went through three boyfriends and two different sexual orientations before i finally accepted i was a lesbian, which took me until april of last year. so if that’s hard to imagine then i know i’m doing good for myself, and maybe it can give you some reassurance too

tbh i don’t think any of us can ever actually avoid or stop struggling with internalized homophobia, given that we’re all inundated with those messages every day in big or small ways. i think at best i just learned how to stop listening to it so much. it took me a really long time though and honestly at your age you’re already way ahead of me than i was, the questions you’re asking yourself now are ones i couldn’t bear to face even in my early 20s

my personal struggle has been very much connected to my family and growing up as a 1½-gen albanian immigrant. if your family and upbringing are anything like mine, then you might understand, and they’re probably just as closely related to your struggle as well. don’t take what i say here as gospel since this is all from personal experience and i’m not even 100% where i want to be yet. but i know how lonely it is for us out there, so i’ll try to be as real with you as i can without getting too personal (idk if this readmore will work on mobile so my apologies and just scroll down really fast @ anyone not reading this)

first thing: don’t be in a rush to tell your parents, even if you’re an adult, and especially if you’re still dependent on them. i assume you’re asking for tips because you already know or have reason to suspect that they won’t take it well. and if you’re still struggling to accept yourself, your parents’ & relatives’ opinions are the last thing you need to be worrying about right now (i know easier said than done we’re albanian i Understand but like. trust me)

second: i really think learning how to stop listening to that internalized homophobia is just a slow process of learning to normalize your feelings in opposition to it. truly the most important thing i did for myself was surround myself with other bi/lesbian women as a way to counter everything else in my life that was telling me to hate myself. the key here is that i did that for years. the logic goes like this: if my world was already and will always be filled with heteronormativity and homophobia, then to fight it, i needed a space i could come back to that’s filled with what i needed to see and could make it feel as normal as i logically knew it was

i didn’t have the freedom to reach out to others IRL so i sought out bi/lesbian women online and immersed myself in those communities. i filled my online spaces with people like me who could show me every day that what i was feeling was genuine, normal, healthy, whole, positive, and worth embracing. when i really began to internalize that, self-confidence and assurance just kind of naturally followed, which made it easier to shout down and ignore the Internalized Homophobia Gremlin in my brain

another thing too, and this’ll sound silly. idk if you’re into video games but they were also a big part of my normalization process. i love role-playing games and for years i used them as a private, risk-free, judgment-free way to “experiment” with women and allow my feelings to “run free” after repressing/ignoring them for so long. i personally know other LGBT people who discovered themselves in similar ways (through DnD, for example). something to consider if that’s your thing. but media of all kinds can be powerful normalizing tools too, if you can find decent ones to your liking 

i had to be really patient and gentle with myself though, and you’ll have to be too bc there really is no quick fix, we’re up against years of internalizing this crap since we were born, basically. do whatever you need to fight against it though, bc there is literally, objectively, nothing wrong with you. you deserve to be happy just as you are, you deserve love and to be able to find it with another woman, and remember you’re never alone in this even if it feels like you are. i think that’s the most powerful reminder

back around to your last question, worry about coming out to your parents when you’re on more solid ground, bc it doesn’t sound like you are rn. everyone’s parents are different but as a general rule i’ve found that when trying to broach a difficult subject, you really need to have your back up against a point that you refuse to budge on, and plant yourself there. you can negotiate or make arguments around it but you need that one point that you’re absolutely sure of where you’ll always hold your ground

in coming out to them, that point needs to be your identity and everything attached to it, so your confidence and sense of self need to be as solid and unmoving as a fucking mountain so that they can’t dig into you and undermine your conviction. esp bc tbh it’s entirely likely that you’ll have to have that conversation several times. so that’s why i stress working on yourself first. for your own sake, don’t jump the gun on this

also, it’ll be much easier on you if you’re not always stuck under the same roof, or at least not totally dependent on them. and i know that’s tough and complicated because a lot of us never truly “move out”, per se, and it’s normal for us to stay with our parents/family for a very long time. but if you can find a way, arrange something with friends, etc., i find it really helps with your general confidence to know you have somewhere else you can go unconditionally, without restrictions. and i don’t mean “rush to move out as soon as you can”, bc like i said, i know that’s hard on us for many reasons and it may hurt you more than you think it will. but if it’s a point you can get to eventually, it does help

after all this, if/when you eventually do decide to come out, i recommend you tell only one of your parents at first. whichever one you’re closer with or find easier to talk to (i’d say ideally whoever’s the least homophobic but like. lmao). do it privately and when you’re both in a good mood. i find altogether this makes the atmosphere less confrontational and more personal, a show like you’re “confiding” in them moreso than making an announcement. depending on how it goes i think you can adjust your strategy from there 

even still, i can’t say with any confidence that it will go over well, but it’s as gentle a way to break it to them as i know. if on the very off chance you have another relative who you know is sympathetic and won’t go telling the entire rest of the family immediately, i’d say try reaching out to them first, as it’ll give you “practice” talking about it and they may be able to advise you about your own parents better than i can, as well as support you directly. but even this i would only do after you’re more confident in yourself and your identity

in the end, keep in mind that you don’t have to come out either. it’s not like a requirement for loving yourself. many of us stay closeted to our families for a very long time simply bc it’s safer, easier, and smarter wrt our situations. again, i know that’s complicated because of how tight-knit our families are traditionally, and how much we may want to remain close to them for cultural reasons. at some point it may make it difficult to hide (my mom started suspecting i liked girls before i even knew i liked girls. it was scary). but like, i’m 27 and i’m still not out to most of my family (my dad doesn’t even know). it doesn’t stop me from being a proud albanian lesbian, or from having and maintaining a happy & healthy relationship with my girlfriend. it doesn’t have to stop you either

and…. i think that’s really all i can say. sorry for taking so long and also for talking so much. i hope i could help even a little, or if not, at least offer some reassurance. it’s a good sign that you’re reaching out and trying to get a handle on your feelings, so keep at it, and remember you’re not alone out there. there are so many of us in the world living our lives and trying to build a future and support each other. i really think you’ll be fine

[annie-thyme]

one step at a time - 13x13 coda

this is my new favourite genre I name it Tender Angst (TM) it probably already exists but idc im too sleep-deprived and blabbering

post-ep fic to celebrate gabriel fandom rising like a phoenix from its ashes

pre-sabriel (bc of course it is)

~ 2K words

ao3

As soon as they spring Gabriel free, they go into a complete lockdown.

Rowena helps, of course – they couldn’t have done it without her in the first place. Break a living, breathing, grace-bound archangel out of Hell without a single demon – including Asmodeus – noticing that anything’s wrong or missing? Yeah, that’d be a bit over their heads. Dean doesn’t like it, of course, but he comes round eventually – he knows it’s the right thing to do, and Rowena is their only shot at it. It goes without a hitch, Rowena leaving a spellbound shapeshifter in Gabriel's cell and leading them all out through ‘witch ways’, as she calls them, in no time at all.

They get Gabriel into the bunker and raise every ward they can think of, plus some obscure ones Cas has dug out in the bunker library, plus Rowena’s spells and a couple pagan rituals just to top it all off.

The first words to come out of Gabriel's mouth once Cas is done healing him are ‘hey gorgeous, long time no see, thanks for the rescue’ – aimed at Rowena, of all people – which, in hindsight, shouldn’t have been so surprising, Sam thinks, they both have been around for a while, of course they’ve met.

Rowena replies with a ‘now you owe me one, sweetie’, a smile and a warning to snap the bond only when they are ready to face the music – and then she’s gone. Dean looks alarmed by this unexpected display of power, as if breaking Gabriel from Hell wasn’t enough of a tell, but says nothing, and Sam swallows his guilt, focusing on helping Gabriel instead.

They set him up in one of many bunker spare rooms, decorated with an additional set of wards. The wards make Gabriel huff and roll his eyes, but he says nothing, diving head first into the pillows. It looks like he’s out cold even before his body hits the bed.

He sleeps for about thirty hours, Cas reassures them that it’s just as it is supposed to be – his vessel needs time to heal properly, and it’s the only way to do so without the full access to his grace, so they leave him be.

When he wakes up, they make him a tooth-rotting breakfast, including an entire pie from Dean, which equals to a full acceptance speech and a surprise party with a welcome to the team banner in Dean speak. Sam is surprised, to say the least – until he notices Cas’ grateful smile aimed at Dean and then it clicks. Of course.

They give Gabriel the tour of the bunker and tell him, over and over, that he is more than welcome to stay there as long as he wants, call it home, temporary or permanent, if it’s something he might like to do. They have a movie night and a homemade pizza party, then a Doctor Sexy marathon (Dean’s idea, of course), then a poker night, followed, after a long and heated debate, by all Star Wars movies in chronological order.

They aren’t fully aware of it, but they are walking on eggshells. They don’t need to ask questions, not really. Each of them knows what it’s like. So, they tread lightly, avoiding talking business altogether. Gabriel seems to be content to do just that for a whole four and a half days, until he’s apparently had enough, and, all of a sudden, they find themselves in the middle of a serious conversation instead of playing a board game that Cas has talked them all into.

“Real talk, though,” Gabriel says instead of rolling the dice, “when are we gonna see about kicking some ass? Cause, y’know, I’ve been a little held up for a couple years, and could really do with some ass-kicking right about now.”

The silence that follows is too long to not be awkward by anyone’s standards.

“Gabriel,” Cas says, hesitant, “I… believe it’s too early to talk about it. You need more time to heal.”

“My vessel’s all healed up and good as new, you know that better than anyone, Cassie. Now. Is anyone gonna tell me what the real hold-up is? We still have a bunch of apocalypse-crazy wackos to deal with, do we not?”

“Yeah,” Sam says, “but… are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Dean scoffs. “Are you? Really?”

Gabriel rolls his eyes with an exasperated sigh. “Yep. Good as new.”

The three of them avoid looking at Gabriel, glancing at each other instead. Dean clenches his jaw and Cas frowns. The silence sits heavy, but Team Free Will has never been famous for talking about feelings.

“Okay, fine.” Gabriel sits up in his chair, looking at each of them in turn. “Ask me. Y’know, the thing that’s been bothering you. We all know what it is, so. Ask me. Swear to dear ol’ dad imma tell the truth. The angelic lie detector here can call me out if I don’t.”

Both Cas and Dean seem at a loss for words. Sam takes a breath and clears his throat. “How… how are you holding up, Gabriel?”

“That the best you can come up with, Sammy? And here I was hoping you’d be brave enough to be blunt about it. Come on, guys! Ask me how it was.”

“How was it, Gabriel?” Cas’ voice is quiet and measured. “How was… Hell?”

Gabriel beams up at him. “Ah, I’m glad you ask, Cassie. It was boring as – well – as all Hell. Literally.”

“Boring?” Dean pipes in. “Dude, I’d call Hell anything but boring. Wasn’t you… I mean… Didn’t he…”

“Torture me? Sure did. As I said, boring.”

“Don’t joke about this, Gabriel,” Cas says, frowning. “These things can be difficult to cope with. I’m offering to listen and to help as best I can.”

“We all do,” Sam says. “Each of us can relate, so…”

“Whatever you need,” Dean adds. “Just say the word.”

“Aww, you guys! Didn’t know you cared. I’m touched. But I ain’t lying, either. I really am fine. No long-lasting trauma, no need to pay therapy bills for the rest of the millennium, we can all just pack our bags and go ice us some archangels.”

Gabriel looks at them, imploring, but Sam isn’t convinced, neither is Dean nor Cas. Gabriel sighs.

“Look. Just… forget about Ass-mode, would ya? I mean, sure, he did his best to inflict pain, and he even succeeded at times, but once you try giving birth to an eight-legged horse everything else is just a walk in the park. Why d’you think he sewed my mouth shut? I kept telling him everything I thought about his dumbass plans no matter what he did to me, because the whole you torture, me scream schtick? Doesn’t work on me. And the moment I snap the bond he’s as good as dead. Rowena is always meticulous about these things. Trust me, I know.”

Sam still isn’t convinced, but Gabriel seems relaxed and happy, all open smiles and wide hand gestures, and Cas is no longer frowning but smiling, and Dean is trying to suppress a chuckle – about the Sleipnir thing, no doubt – so yeah, okay, Sam thinks, we’re probably good to go.

“Okay,” Dean says, as if mirroring Sam's thoughts, “okay, fine. We set out first thing tomorrow. Are you sure Asmodeus won’t be a problem?”

“Absolutely. I mean, theoretically his ass could remain in one piece, but I doubt it’ll survive long enough to tell the tale. I’m about to release a giant cosmic slingshot, and he’s strapped to the receiving end.”

“But we still need to get to him first, right? To get your blade?” Sam says. “So, what’s the plan here?”

“You mean,” Gabriel says, grinning, as he reaches into his jacket, “this blade?”

“But how did you… you were out cold when we got you!”

“The one Ass-mode’s got is fake, Dean-o. An angel’s blade is an extension of their grace, literally a part of them. It cannot be removed and stored in a box on a dusty shelf of some little old curiosity shop. Sure, it’s pretty convincing for a distraction, but no more than that. I thought Cassie told you all about it by now. Archangel blades are no exception.”

“Dude. We made bullets out of angel blades. How is that even possible?”

“It’s boring. And complicated. And boring. Physical manifestation blah-blah-blah. And just so you know those bullets don’t keep long. My blade’s been hidden away for a dozen centuries at least. So, by this point it’s nothing more than a pretty knife.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s settled then.”

Sam looks at Dean. Dean nods.

“I believe it was your turn to roll the dice, Gabriel,” Cas says, deadpan. “What is taking you so long?”

Of course, they all burst out laughing.

…

They finish their game in surprisingly high spirits, all things considered. Dean insists they turn in early, and nobody argues: who knows when they’re gonna be able to have a good night’s sleep next. The bunker is dark and quiet. Sam's in his bed, staring at the ceiling. At some point he feels like he just might be able to drift off, but the moment passes, and he is wide awake again. He tries his usual tricks: head tilts, meditation, breathing, but sleep doesn’t come.

He sighs and rolls out of bed, heading for the kitchen to make some tea. It’d hardly help him sleep, but at least it’s something to do with his time.

As he’s shuffling back along the dimly lit corridor, his ears pick up a soft rustling sound. He can’t say for sure, but it looks like it’s coming from the library, so he turns and heads there.

“Hey, Sam,” Gabriel says as soon as Sam steps into the room.

He is sitting in a chair with his knees pulled in, idly flipping through the pages of some book. Sam sits in a chair opposite his, setting his mug on the table.

“Hey, Gabriel. Couldn’t sleep?”

“Nah. I think I’ve done enough sleeping in the last couple of days.”

There’s something different about Gabriel. He looks tired. Worn out and deflated, somehow, as if his loud and brash personality slipped off him. Like a mask.

“Hey,” Sam says, hesitant. “I know it sounded stupid first time round, but. Um. Are you okay?”

Gabriel shrugs, not taking his eyes off the page. “I don’t know. Are you?”

“I don’t know,” Sam echoes. It is easier, now with just the two of them. Easier to be honest.

“Yeah,” Gabriel says.

Sam picks up his mug. Takes a sip. Gabriel flips another page.

“It’s dead now. All gone. That part of me Asmodeus got his hands on. But it wasn’t me. The real me, I mean. Just another mask. And it’s gone now. So yeah. No. I don’t know. Okay, I guess. Just. Different.”

“Yeah,” Sam says.

Gabriel lets out a laugh. It sounds hollow. “I’ve no idea why I’m telling you all this, to be honest. Not the best conversation topic before we ride into battle, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, no,” Sam says. “I get it. I do.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sam says. Takes a breath. “Lucifer.”

Gabriel doesn’t reply. Seconds stretch into minutes as they sit there in silence. Sam's tea grows lukewarm, then cold. Surprisingly, the silence between them doesn’t feel heavy. Just tired. And sad.

“I don’t – I don’t know if I can do it. I guess I should hate him by now and want him dead, but-”

“He’s still your brother.”

“Yeah.”

“We can… think of something? Trap him, maybe? Rowena-”

“You of all people should know, Sammy. It’s kinda pointless, trapping my brother. Just like it’s pointless trying to kill me.”

Sam chuckles. “Yeah.”

Gabriel smiles, too, but it’s brief and fleeting. Barely there.

“One step at a time?” Sam offers.

Gabriel breathes, deep. In and out.

“Yeah. One step at a time.”

tagging @midnightstar789 as promised