#like it's the same brand of intensity and projection

[chefkids]

Claire is Carmy's projection of Sydney.

Costuming is one of the most straightforward ways to tell an audience what a character is like and what their role is. Claire's costuming choices show how she was literally just a clear blank slate for Carmy to project Syd onto. So come peel this onion with me.

When he first sees her after being away from him for a while she's wearing a green jacket, who else famously has worn a green puffer jacket all throughout the series and when she reconnected with Carmy after she left?

When he takes Claire on that post office trip drive through Sydney's favorite UPS route, Sheridan Road, she's wearing a brown jacket which looks very similar to the kinds that UPS drivers like Sydney would wear.

When Claire is at the party with him trying to get with Carmy and pursue a new relationship, she just had a denim jacket. Which we have also seen Sydney wear a denim jacket around him when they were trying to start a new relationship aka partnership together by building the new restaurant.

And then we see her white button shirt, dark pants, and the blue denim jacket when Carmy takes her back to the restaurant, which is basically all Carmy saw Syd wearing for most of the time while at the restaurant when she was in her white button down, dark pants, and blue apron.

When he cooks for Claire we see her for the first time in a tank top at the exact same time we see Sydney the most undressed she's ever been in a bra.

When she's in his kitchen she's in his white t-shirt she tries to have a somewhat vulnerable moment with him. She asks him what he is thinking about when he's clearly stressed and he deflects to just complement her. Later when he is with Syd in her white t-shirt in their kitchen at The Bear, he is vulnerable with her about his mother and tries to get her to be vulnerable with him and she finally tells him about her mom dying.

At Friends & Family night is the one time we see her dressed in the most uniquely herself way in a black dress, and she looks like she's ready for a funeral. Which it essentially was the death of her and Carmy's relationship that night. We also know that this is what Sydney will be doing at the start of Season 3, going to a funeral with Carmy. RIP Claire. (yes i know it's marcus' mom but the metaphor is still there and this is still a comedy after all)

Claire has very little identity of her own because Carmy never bothers to know her like he knows Syd. When Claire is on her own she's always in her scrubs, because he doesn't have much else of an image of her besides the fact that she's a doctor now. But he knows Syd well enough to know the exact designer brand she likes to wear and make her a custom jacket.

He knows about Syd's mom dying because he repeatedly asks her about her family and parents without even knowing them. Claire told him about her cousin dying and he basically said "damn that sucks" even though he knew him personally. He knows about Syd's struggles with her job history through catering and fine dining. Claire told him about her life as a doctor and the only thing he came out with was that it was a time intensive job and that he thought she liked taking care of people by helping to fix them. Which is exactly what he tells Sydney he notices about her later on. She likes to take care of people and to fix things like she tried to fix the restaurant.

He didn't give af about Claire's life or personality, he just wanted to project Sydney's onto it. Carmy wanted to want to be with Claire, because everyone around him told him it was what he should want from Mikey to Fak to Richie. So he chose to see and project as much of Syd, who he already knew deep down he liked but was too scared to pursue, on to Claire. That's why he took her on that drive and why he made her the Sydney's pasta recipe that he knew Sydney already liked. Because he doesn't bother getting to know Claire, he just assumes Sydney's identity on to her. And what he did come to know and do with her that was her choice, like going to a party with drunk friends, only ended up associating her with his alcoholic mother and his brother at their Christmas party.

And in the end he still realized he couldn't just replace Sydney in his mind with her.

[seoulzie]

could i request making out with soobin ? after an especially stressful day at work, he comes home and just melts into your arms, then the kisses turn steamy <33

stress reliever

WHEREIN: after a particularly stressful day, soobin finds comfort in your embrace

彡 pairing: bf!soobin x f!reader 彡 genre: smut, suggestive 彡 warnings: detailed making out, straddling, blowjob, swallowing, pet names (baby, pretty)

SEUL SPEAKS! ackk! sorry for taking quite a while, i put my requests on hold for a good minute bc i was working on my passion project aka whispers of the unsleeping (shameless promo pls read it i beg)

soobin's shoulders slumped as he unlocked the door, the weight of a stressful day at work clearly etched across his features. The moment he stepped inside, the familiar warmth and comforting scent of home washed over him, but it was the sight of you that truly began to ease the tension in his body.

"hey, baby," you greeted softly, setting aside the book you were reading. you noticed the exhaustion clinging to him like a second skin, mirrored in the dark circles under his eyes. immediately, you went to him, your arms instinctively wrapping around his waist. "rough day?"

soobin sighed deeply, the sound of a whoosh of pent-up frustration escaping his lips. he burrowed his face in the crook of your neck, the familiar comfort of your embrace a welcome anchor. "you have no idea," he mumbled, his voice thick with weariness.

you gently nudged him towards the couch, your hands already working their magic through his hair in soothing circles. "want to talk about it?" you asked softly, your voice laced with concern.

he shook his head, tightening his hold on you as if seeking refuge from the invisible storm that had ravaged his day. "just want to be with you," he murmured, his voice barely a whisper.

you held him close, whispering words of comfort in his ear. you felt the tension slowly drain from his body, replaced by the comforting weight of sleep threatening to engulf him. soobin pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours with a vulnerability that made your heart clench. the exhaustion hadn't dimmed the familiar warmth in his gaze, and it sparked a surge of protectiveness within you.

you leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, a silent promise that you were there for him, a safe harbor in the storm. it was a kiss filled with understanding, empathy, and a love that transcended words. soobin sighed contentedly, melting into your touch.

the kiss was gentle at first, a simple reassurance. but as soobin's hands moved to cup your face, the kiss deepened, becoming more avid. you could feel the stress and frustration melting away from him with each passing second, replaced by a growing need.

his lips were fervent against yours, and you responded eagerly, matching his intensity. your hands roamed his back, feeling the taut muscles beneath his shirt. soobin's grip on you tightened, and he pulled you closer, almost as if he was afraid to let go.

you broke the kiss, both of you panting softly. "soobin..." you murmured, your forehead resting against his.

"i need you," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion.

you nodded, understanding exactly what he needed. you captured his lips again, this time with more urgency. the kiss quickly became roused, tongues tangling as you both sought to lose yourselves in each other.

soobin's hands slipped under your shirt, his touch sending shivers down your spine. you responded by tugging at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against yours. he broke the kiss just long enough to pull off his shirt, and you did the same, your clothes falling to the floor in a heap.

the sensation of his warm skin against yours was intoxicating. soobin's kisses dipped lower, each one a brand searing against your skin. you arched into him, your hands clutching at his shoulders as you lost yourself in the moment.

"you're everything i need," soobin murmured against your skin, his lips hovering over your collarbone.

you pulled him back up, your hands tangling in his hair. "and you're everything to me," you replied, your voice breathless.

he smiled against your lips, the tension in his body completely gone, replaced by a palpable ache. his hands wandered lower, caressing your waist and hips, before slipping beneath the waistband of your pants. you gasped at the feeling of his fingers brushing against your skin, your body responding promptly to his touch.

"soobin..." you whispered, your voice trembling with need.

he looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with a mix of love and lust. "i want you so much," he confessed, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"baby, let me take care of you instead," you said softly, pushing him gently onto the couch. he looked at you with wide eyes, his breath hitching as he watched you kneel between his legs.

your hands moved to the button of his pants, undoing them with practiced ease. soobin's breath caught in his throat as you pulled down his pants and boxers, exposing his hardened length. you glanced up at him, meeting his gaze before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the tip.

"just… relax," you whispered, your breath warm against his skin.

a soft mewl escaped soobin's lips as a shudder wracked his body, the exhale a ragged sigh that spoke volumes, his hands clutching at the couch cushions as you took him into your mouth. your tongue swirled around the tip, teasing him, before you slowly took more of him in, hollowing your cheeks as you went.

the taste of him was intoxicating, and the sounds he made, soft moans, groans and gasps, only spurred you on. you set a slow, steady rhythm, your hand wrapping around the base of his length, working in tandem with your mouth. your tongue traced every vein, every ridge, as you took him deeper, your lips stretching around his girth.

soobin's head fell back against the couch, his eyes squeezed shut as he lost himself in the sensation. "oh fuck.." he groaned, his hips twitching as he fought to stay still. the sheer pleasure was overwhelming, and he struggled to keep his composure.

you took him deeper, your throat relaxing as you swallowed around him. a low, yearning whimper that escaped his lips sent a thrill through you, and you picked up the pace, your hand moving faster, your mouth taking him deeper. his muscles coiled beneath your touch, his body trembling with need.

you moaned between your movements, sending vibrations along his length. the sensation made him shudder, his grip on the couch tightening.

he looked down at you, his eyes glazed with want. the sight of you, your lips wrapped around him, your eyes looking up at him with such intensity, drove him wild. "you're amazing," he managed to say, his voice rough.

as you continued to take him deeper, precum started to leak from his tip, mixing with your saliva and dripping from the corners of your mouth. the slick, messy sensation only seemed to heighten soobin's arousal. he watched, mesmerized, as you licked up the stray droplets, the sight of your lips glistening and the wet sounds of your mouth working on him driving him to the edge.

his breath came in ragged pants, his hands moving to tangle in your hair, guiding you as he grew closer. "i'm close," he warned, his voice strained. the pressure was building, the pleasure almost too much to bear.

you didn't let up, your movements became more urgent as you felt him tensing beneath you. you hollowed your cheeks further, taking him even deeper, your hand moving in perfect rhythm with your mouth.

with a final, desperate thrust, soobin came undone, his release filling your mouth as he cried out your name. you swallowed eagerly, savoring the taste of him, the salty sweetness coating your tongue. his body shuddered with the force of his orgasm, his hands clutching at you as if you were his lifeline.

you gently pulled back, licking your lips as you looked up at him. soobin's chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes half-lidded with satisfaction. you crawled back up to him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, letting him taste himself on your tongue.

"thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with gratitude and love.

you smiled, "you deserve it," you said softly, tracing a finger down his cheek.

a comfortable silence settled between you, punctuated only by the soft rise and fall of his chest against yours. the world outside seemed to fade away, leaving only the peaceful rhythm of your intertwined breaths.

⋆˚࿔ taglist! @flowzel , @izzyy-stuff , @inkigayocamman , @beombeomlovesme → want to get notified? click here!

© 2024 seoulzie

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Do you think Riot will make more seasons of Arcane in different regions post-s2, make more shows with different names that are set in the Arcane universe, or secret third option?

Yes and no.

To start with, yes: Arcane has been by far Riot's most mainstream successful media project ever (even outstripping K/DA), and there is literally no way in hell that the company isn't going to want to keep milking it until it is as dry, stale and withered as the PROJECT skin line.

So I predict that, absolutely, we will see new seasons of shows set in the League of Legends universe, probably animated, and hopefully with some of the extremely good animation partners Riot has managed to cultivate over the years.

The ARCANE branding is incredibly valuable now, and I wouldn't put it past Riot to do something stupid like name a show set in the Freljord ARCANE: True Ice or something unbearably stupid like that, even though the name relates extremely specifically to the setting and story of Piltover/Zaun and the Vi/Powder/Viktor/Jayce character group.

On the other hand, Riot might be the company on earth I trust the absolute least to effectively capitalize on and carry forward a success in creative arts that can't be monetized with skins and event passes.

Riot has an absolutely astounding history of tripping on their dicks when it comes to telling stories about their characters, in no small part due to its leadership quite simply never valuing storytelling as an end in itself. If it doesn't sell cosmetics or drive Engagement™ with the core League of Legends product, good luck getting Riot management to spend a fucking dime to make anything real.

Passionate people inside the company have to go to war, every single time, to make anything good happen. Legends of Bilgewater, the Spirit Blossom visual novel, the Marvel comics collaboration (RIP), Riot Forge, and very much Arcane, were absolute passion projects pushed over the line by people who literally put their jobs (and in many cases their health) on the line to make them happen.

Alex Yee and Christian Linke are old hands at Riot with a lot of clout, a lot of friends at the company, and a lot of goodwill to cash in, and if that hadn't been the case, there is literally no way in hell anything like Arcane ever gets made.

The behind-the-scenes documentary Riot themselves produced obviously goes out of its way to let Riot leadership suck themselves off about how much they contributed and how much they believed in the project, but make no mistake, they would have axed Arcane on the spot if there wasn't creatives fighting pitched battles every other day to keep it alive.

This is true of K/DA as well, by the way, there was a lot of internal resistance at Riot to that project - and to Star Guardians, and to Heartsteel. Anything cool Riot has ever made? Just assume that someone internally was shitting on it in meetings and trying to get it shut down.

Which is why I am intensely worried about Arcane in the long term. Not so much about Season 2, since it is mostly being produced by the same group of people, as far as I know, but that project is also going to be absolutely besieged by C-suite jackoffs trying to worm their names into the credits, making themselves Stakeholders™ and offering Feedback™ and voicing Concerns™, and I don't envy the showrunners the battles they are going to have to fight to keep these vultures away from the product.

But I am fucking worried about whatever Season 3 becomes. I am fucking worried about what happens the moment any of the key creatives behind the first two seasons resign, or get headhunted to new jobs. I am worried what's going to happen when Riot decides that the showrunners are "being difficult" and standing in the way of what leadership wants to do with the now very valuable ARCANE branding, and either corporately mandates them into roles of diminished influence or just outright fucking fires them (it'll be publicized as a mutual decision of course, it'll be publicized as a much celebrated retirement or "it's time to move on to new adventures").

Riot is a company with absolutely infinite capacity to fuck up a perfectly good thing for absolutely no fucking reason except some kombucha-chugging, suit-jacket-over-a-graphic-tee-and-sneakers-wearing, keeps-his-job-despite-multiple-sexual-harassment-allegations-because-he's-bros-with-the-C-suite, motherfucking "I am a player so I know what the players want" platitude-spouting "themes are for book reports"-ass Silicon Valley libertarian piece of shit decided he knows better than the artists whose work are the reason he takes home six figures a year.

[campbyler]

our chapters average at 27,000 words, the total fic length is already 3x the average novel length, and we lost one of the authors working on this fic. it must be so nice to only have to endure the wait for a chapter to be uploaded so that you can interact with it rather than being the one to actually write it.

im going to be cruel (no pun intended) to be kind: this is such an intense externalisation of blame. you are the ones in control of the fic length; the chapters could handle some heavy editing and it wouldnt make them any less wonderful (such as regarding the descriptions of mike and will's internal thoughts, not the action between the characters themselves). fic is free and its a gift to be able to read works that inspire our hearts and minds while we wait for the show, but then again, when at the stern of a juggernaut work such as this, one that will inevitably have many followers chomping at the bit on tumblr as well as ao3 (as you designed it to have!), you surely must be aware of something that only usually exists in professional marketing spaces involving customers + brand IP: the relationship between consumer and creator, and what they can give each other.

not 'owe each other' - nothing is owed, except perhaps basic human kindness. fans want your work, and its free, so we should be grateful; likewise, you want readers, feedback and clicks, and that should be free, too. but in order for this to work smoothly, there has to be fair give and take. i mean, if you wanted to monetize the fic i'm sure many people would pay to read it, but thats beside the point here.

what fans of this fic simply want is the same honesty and self-awareness from you that they might expect from any artist who has embarked on such am ambitious project. and this doesnt just mean transparency about potential uploading dates (which is already much appreciated by the majority!), or notifications about how hard it is to balance work and life (something most people on the planet struggle with). it means total honesty and hard answers. people like to know where they stand. plenty of writers (both professional and fan alike) abandon works for months, years at a time, and if the work is THAT good, people will always be thrilled to see a return. it's the mucking people about that is what destroys relationships - no matter how good your reasons are.

your fic is wonderful and very, very memorable. you could take a big, undefined hiatus and people would, im sure, return, including me. seeing you admit that you have been prioritizing this fic over your mental health does not inspire confidence either, or even comfort - do i want to read something that has caused the creator such harm?

i think everything about this process would be happier for everyone if you set boundaries that work for you and didn't place blame elsewhere. after all, as you said, it's just a fanfic. it doesnt matter if you don't finish it. it doesnt matter if it takes all the way to s5 for 10.2 to release. everyone would, though, appreciate you taking a stance and being consistent (and therefore fair) to both yourselves and the readers.

please feel free to not post this publicly or do as you wish with it.

hello! thank you for your feedback and for sharing it in a way that is both kind and respectful. you make many valid points that i agree with -- we are in control of the word counts and could stand to edit down more, and we do recognize where being transparent about the reasons behind the chapter delays might not inspire confidence or comfort. i do, however, think that isolating one response/chain of responses to a particular ask is a little unfair, so i'd like to provide additional context.

i do not think that it's fair to say that we haven't been honest, self-aware, or fair, because we have been incredibly transparent throughout the entire run of the fic (over a year) about our writing process. just last month suni said she hadn't been working on 10.2 at all because abby had been visiting her house, and readily took ownership of that fact. there was a 4-month wait between chapters 9.1 and 9.2, and i was very open about the fact that i simply needed a break for at least the first of those months because i didn't want to write it. we have continued to maintain several times that we are not abandoning the fic, even if it takes longer between chapters, and have tried to stay as active as possible on the blog because we know that seeing us interact with asks Does inspire confidence. if you just scroll down and see how we have answered other asks inquiring about the upload, we responded kindly and respectfully.

what you interpreted as externalization of blame in that one (1!) ask response was me trying to provide perspective to someone who clearly lacked it. we understand that people will be frustrated about chapter delays, especially if we keep pushing them back, and this is also something that we have received feedback about before and tried to implement; however, it is also a double-edged sword where if we don't give an estimated upload, people get upset, or we give an estimated upload that we think is completely reasonable for us to achieve and then hurdles get in the way, whether it's writer's block or work or time with friends. i absolutely get the frustration on the receiving end, but something i have learned from being in this fandom for two years is that a pretty big majority of those who are interacting with fanworks are not creating it themselves, hence why my response -- while snippy and annoyed, because i was matching the energy, and will not apologize for that -- was contextualizing the whys behind the chapter delay: the chapters are long, the fic is long, we are down one entire body from where we started. the intention was not to shuck blame off of ourselves, but i get that intentions don't always translate into effect, so it's understandable that it was received differently.

we don't always respond to things perfectly. when we have a million and one asks inquiring about the next upload, one stray one that comes off the wrong way is likely going to set us off, because we are people, and this is not a job. we have set a boundary by disabling anon, and again, i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate that you've come to us with this feedback off-anon and with respect and decency. i get where you are coming from and again, agree with a lot of your points.

the only other thing i want to make clear is that this fic, no matter how much attention its garnered, should not be treated as a creator/consumer relationship that mirrors anything where the exchange of money is involved. not only is it unfair to apply this standard to fanworks, where it is illegal to monetize such content, but the entire purpose of fanworks is to celebrate what you are a fan of together. when you apply expectations on either end -- i am a fan of this work, therefore, people should create timely content for it; i am creating this fanwork, therefore, people should interact with it -- defeats the entire nature of fan-created work as a whole. while we have continued to be vocally grateful for the love and support our fic has been shown, we both maintain that we would continue writing and continue uploading even if we were getting less than half of the amount of interaction that we do. it's nice to have interaction, but not necessary, because we what write and post is done because we love it, and it's shared so that we can look back on it, so our friends can enjoy it, and anyone else who might want to. we are, of course, excited to share that world with anyone who cares -- we created the blog and the promo because we wanted to share it -- but that does not mean that the relationship between us and our readers should have expectations. we are all creating and enjoying this work for free for the sake of love for the characters, as the star trek obsessed housewives of the 60s (and the law) have intended.

i feel like this response is a bit jumbled so i apologize if anything isn't clear or hard to understand. thank you again for your time!

[itsmarsss]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before AU: Chapter 1 - Out [Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz x fem!Reader] (Cobra Kai)

You have been writing these love letters since seventh grade, but what happens when they somehow get sent out?

Warnings: high school (lol i wrote this one when i was in high school but im rewriting it now that im like three years out of it so it feels weird and i feel like it warrants a warning, definitely senior year tho.), hardcore crushing on miguel, mentions of a crush on moon so if ya don’t like women too then idk, uhh mention of smoking weed.

Word Count: 4,060

Your letters were your most prized possessions: yours, and yours only.

You wrote one when you had a crush so intense you felt like you needed to snap out of it or otherwise you’d collapse.

So, you wrote letters to try to find closure. Intricately detailed letters that contained every single unfiltered thought and embarrassing feeling you could find in yourself. Everything you noticed about them, everything you wished you had with them, everything you wanted to say but couldn’t.

It started a long while ago.

You never sent them, of course. That idea was completely off the table. They remained stored inside the little blue box with the white ribbon buried deep in the back of your closet, from where you would occasionally take them just to read them again and reminisce on the thoughts a younger version of you once had about all those different people.

They were all properly sealed, stamped and addressed in pretty cursive letters, but never, ever posted.

They were six in total, addressed to five different people.

The first one ever written had been for Eli, from seventh grade. Adorable little Eli, who was one of the biggest nerds you’d ever seen, always too shy to talk around others, but who would go on excitedly about a tv show or a comic book series he liked for hours around you after getting paired for a project got him to warm up to you.

Adorable little Eli, who trembled like crazy before kissing you in a dumb game of spin the bottle, right before running home crying because some girl thought it would be hilarious to comment on how she wouldn't have let him kiss her with "that mouth" if she were you. You, in turn, couldn't feel more different from that bullshit comment of hers after that messy seventh grade first kiss that lasted barely a couple seconds but fed your crush on him for months on end after.

That letter was followed by a new one, addressed also to him, but the new him this time around, many years later, in your sophomore year- to Hawk, not Eli. However that worked.

To Hawk, who had decided to “flip the script”, as he called it, by changing his entire aesthetic and his whole demeanor, showing up to school on a random day with a blue dyed mohawk and a brand new attitude. You liked it.

Confident Eli seemed happier even though he sometimes acted like a bit of an asshole and, as much as you didn’t want to admit it, he looked really, really hot. He was still Eli, but this Eli wasn’t afraid to flirt with you, which evoked brand new feelings in you.

Therefore, a new letter.

The second letter you ever wrote was addressed to Demetri, from eight grade, who you met around the same time as Eli.

Demetri, who would talk to you about superheroes and binary language and would be so excited about it that you didn’t care to tell him you couldn’t understand a word of what he said.

Demetri, who was so kind as to go to your house to help you with your part on the biology project you were partnered with him in because he knew it was stressing you out, who would offer to tutor you when you told him you were having a hard time with a subject he was good at at school, and who you got closer to when randomly put in many classes together.

The third letter you ever wrote was addressed to Robby Keene, who you became closer to after ditching the homecoming dance in your freshman year to hang out by yourself at the bleachers, despite Sam and Aisha’s protests, only to find out it apparently was Robby Keene’s favorite smoking spot.

Apparently high school dances could be pretty lame, no matter what all high school movies from the 80's had been telling you all your life. You had asked if you were interrupting something when you noticed his presence and he told you it depended on whether you'd be snitching on him or not, and suddenly freshman homecoming didn't suck all that much anymore, because you managed to make friends with the most unlikely acquaintance you could ever have.

Robby, who at fourteen years old got detention for threatening to beat up the kids who made you cry because they kept making fun of you during a presentation, which was about substance abuse, ironically.

The fourth one had been written to Moon, who you used to despise because she used to hang out with Yasmine- who, for the longest time, had loved to pick on you and your friends- especially Eli and Demetri.

But Moon, who turned out to be so sweet after she started doing and saying things for herself as opposed to whatever her friends wanted her to and started hanging out with your friend group.

Moon, who would excitedly invite you to sleep overs and braid your hair as you gossiped about people you barely knew from school, who would do your makeup for you and take you shopping and call you pet names platonically, making you blush furiously and putting you in the verge of short-circuiting by being so casually affectionate now that you’d become friends.

And, lastly, the most recent one had been written to Miguel Diaz, of course.

Miguel, who was your best friend in the whole entire world, ever since he moved to Reseda and you first befriended him at school.

Miguel, who was currently dating Sam, who you’d drifted apart from, but couldn’t for the life of you hold a grudge against.

Yeah, Miguel.

But before he became Sam’s boyfriend, he was your boyfriend. Well… boy-friend. A boy who was a friend. And things were good as they were.

But then things started changing.

Things started changing when Miguel asked Sam out and you realized you didn’t like that. When the first thing he did when he got home was to tell you all about it, and you felt a pit in your stomach as he went on about how well things had gone.

Until you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore and had to face the reality that the reason it all made you feel so awful was that you were jealous.

It was even worse to figure out why: as much as you could try to lie to yourself and pretend you were just jealous that she was spending time with your best friend, you knew you had to face it: it all came down to the simple fact that you were in love with him.

You didn’t know when it happened, or what was the turning point for that, but you were. Utterly and irredeemably.

And, in hindsight, it seemed obvious.

But then they started dating, and they didn’t want you to feel left out, so they would you and Aisha everywhere, which made things so much worse.

And then they broke up, and things got, somehow, even weirder. Now it was all you and Miguel again, and, even after all of that, you still had those stupid feelings for him. But you weren’t a complete bitch, or insensitive. You’d never make a move, you’d just have to live with it.

Which didn’t mean there was nothing you could do about it: you decided to try to put an end to it, your own way.

Hence, how letter number six came to be. Signed, addressed, stamped, sealed and stored in the blue box under all the others.

Maybe after this you’d be able to move on. Maybe after this things would go back to normal. How you craved for things to go back to how they used to be.

It seemed reasonable enough to just wait on your feelings to die out.

But a certain day came when then Eli- well, Eli, who was Hawk now, marched up to you in the middle of your gym class.

“Y/n?” He called your name, and you stopped running your laps, turning around to face him, eyebrows knit together in confusion. What was Hawk doing in your gym class?

You let him approach you. “What’s wrong?”

“Look, I appreciate it but it’s… not gonna happen. Like, you know we’re friends, and you know I'm still like… hung up on Moon, or whatever. Right? I know the power of the Hawk’s pretty irresistible,” he smirked, quickly going back to his stern expression, “but you should cut it out.”

You really had no idea what the hell he could be possibly talking about. “Dude… what?”

“C’mon you don’t have to play dumb, it’s cool that you think my scar makes me look cute or whatever but like. I uh. Don’t have any feelings for you now.” Wait, what did he say about the scar? He kept on. “And like it’s- it’s pretty cool that you liked me before and now too but this would just- this would be weird. You know that, right?”

You just weren't getting it.

And then you saw it: in his hand, signed, addressed and stamped, were two open envelopes with two different names written on them in your best cursive handwriting. Fuck.

“Hey- woah are you alright? You look like you're gonna pass out.”

You felt like you were going to pass out. You couldn’t even form a sentence in the midst of your shock.

And then, Miguel came into your line of sight. Because of course things had to get worse.

“There’s no fucking way,” you muttered, incredulous. He was walking up to you, a red envelope in hand.

The letters got out the letters got out the letters got out.

He looked confused. He obviously, and much understandably, wanted answers. Answers you’d much rather get hot by a bus than giving him.

This could not be your fucking life.

“No, no, no, no, no, oh, my god,” you looked around frantically as he got closer, trying to figure out what to do. Hawk surely thought you were crazy now.

And then Miguel made eye contact with you and he had that fucking look of pity on his face and you panicked. And so you did the first thing that came to your short-circuiting mind, which was possibly the dumbest thing you could have thought to do: apparently all you managed to think of was jumping Hawk, tackling him to the ground and kissing him in the middle of gym for Miguel to see.

How maturer and over him you were! Incredible!

The kiss was over as soon as it happened, and you pulled away as Hawk stared at you with two wide eyes and shock all over his face.

You could sympathize with the guy- getting this as a reaction to your rejection was probably really confusing.

More important things going on, though. You got a glance of Miguel stopping in his tracks at your little theatrics, making you realize it definitely didn’t do anything other than make things more awkward for you.

“Uh. Thanks. Sorry or… whatever. I’ll see you in bio!” You told Hawk, patting his chest before standing up and booking away from him, running past Miguel way too quickly for him to be able to approach you and ignoring his call of your name, and locking yourself in one of the stalls of the closest bathroom you were able to find, trying every single breathing exercise you’ve ever come across to calm yourself down.

This was it. Miguel hated you, surely.

No, worse: he pitied you. Because obviously he didn't feel the same and obviously receiving a love letter so embarrassingly honest from his closest friend was weird. Now your friendship was going to be weird, and it was all you fau-

“Y/n? Are you in there?”

No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening, there was no way.

“Y/n? Are you okay?”

Goddamn Robby Keene.

“Oh my god,” you muttered to yourself. Maybe willing him away in your mind would alter reality so he wasn’t there in the bathroom with you.

If only it were that easy.

Resting your head in your hands as you tried to convince yourself this was some sort of nightmare, you heard a noise come from really close to you and opened your eyesto the pink envelope being slid under the stall to you.

“I thought you’d want it back. Seemed pretty personal.”

“Robby, holy shit, I’m so sorry. You do know I wrote this like years ago, right?” He had to have figured that out, didn’t he? You weren’t even close anymore.

“Yeah! Like freshman year right? When we smoked together while everyone was at the dance.” He didn't seem to be mocking you, didn't seem to be angry. Just pointing it out. You sighed and opened the stall door, deciding facing Robby wouldn't be as bad as facing Miguel. You walked out.

“Yeah it was- it was pretty cool. Better than whatever was going down in the dance.”

“Yeah, I taught you how to smoke that day!” He smiled. “Thinking back on it makes me think you shouldn’t have been hanging out with me back then, actually,” he points out.

You could only let out a small laugh. “I guess not.”

“Look, I don’t know why you decided to send this but uh. I feel like I should tell you that Sam and I are like. Together.”

They were? “Oh. Right! Duh. Obviously. I knew that.” You most definitely did not know that. “I don’t know how this got out, really. I never meant for you to actually see this.”

“Look, we can still be friends. You’re pretty cool. Even with… you know…” he motioned vaguely, “the whole Cobra Kai thing”

“Okay! Yeah, definitely.” He was only being polite, because that’s how he is. But this was much better than having him think you were trying to get with him. You let out a nervous laugh. “I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah.”

Jesus fuck.

[. . .]

You looked everywhere. Everywhere. The stupid fucking blue box just wasn't anywhere. You tried asking your mom about it, but her answer was short and simple: It probably went with the Goodwill box you’d made last week.

How, you couldn’t figure out, but it seemed to be the only slightly plausible possibility.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That meant there were five people out there total, five people you still saw every single day, who you were friends with, who had received a fucking love letter with your name signed all pretty on it.

This was hell, it had to be.

You were sure of it when you heard a knock on your front door, accompanied by Miguel’s voice calling your name.

Shit, shit, shit, you were not ready to have this conversation. Why did he have to be your next door neighbor on top of everything? It had always been convenient to live so close to each other, but right now it seemed everything but.

So you did what any sane, responsible person would do: you got out by the kitchen window. Naturally.

Miguel would think you just weren't home.

Again, very mature and totally normal and over it of you.

You decided someone would probably be at the dojo and the last thing you wanted right now was to accidentally encounter someone else who had a letter by surprise. You figured it was too early for someone to be at the diner nearby, so there you went.

You ordered yourself a milkshake and tried to reason with yourself. You couldn't avoid Miguel forever. He’s obviously find a way to talk to you at some point. And then what would you do? Admit you were in love with him even though to him you were just best friends? Let him tell Sam you were in love with her (well, at-the-time) boyfriend? Get politely rejected by him and go around pretending being pitied by him for not being corresponded wasn’t pathetic? It all seemed to come down to terrible endings.

You were so lost in thought you didn't notice him sit beside you at the counter until he spoke up, ordering some fries.

Oh, shit.

Hawk.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him, annoyed.

“Went by your place. Miguel said you weren't there. Things felt preetty awkward I’ll be honest with you. But you weren't at the dojo either so I thought I’d find you here.”

“Okay. And why did you wanna find me, exactly?”

“Look I just wanna make it double clear that nothing’s gonna happen between us. Nada.”

“Eli Moskowitz I am not trying to date you.”

He seemed to cringe at his own given name, but didn’t complain out loud about it. “Then why would you write me a love letter?”

“It was in 7th grade!”

“No, you talk about me as Hawk though.”

“Last year! Right when you did… that,” you motioned vaguely to his mohawk.

“Okay I hear you but like. Your mouth is saying one thing… but then your mouth said… something… else. To my mouth. Directly.”

“What? Ew!”

“You jumped me!”

“I was panicking! And I’m like, actually sorry.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

You let out a sigh, defeated. “Miguel was walking over.”

“And?”

“And he also got one of those,” you motioned with your head at the letter in Hawk’s hand, “and I cannot deal with that right now.”

His expression shifted. “Wait, I’m not the only one who got a letter?”

“No.”

“Huh. You really think you’re special.”

“Are you not, like, surprised about Miguel?”

“Oh, no, it was pretty obvious. But damn you get a love letter and think you’re the man but then you find out she wrote to another guy too?”

“Oh there’s six of them, so don’t go feeling too special.”

“Six of them?”

You then realize you’d spoken too much. He doesn’t need to know all of this. “Nevermind.”

“Damn y/n, fuck yeah, you're a player! Who were they for?”

“No one! It’s none of your business.”

“Come on, I deserve to know! You did kinda jump me in front of a bunch of people.”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“I mean I wouldn't- I wouldn't want people to find out you think my scar looks hot. Or that when you look at me you think about ‘kissing the annoying smirk off my lips’- I mean who knows what guarantees you don’t have a tattoo of my face on your ass-”

That was embarrassing enough. “Okay shut up! Shut up. Fine, if you wanna know so bad. So two for you. Then uh. Demetri, in-”

“You had a crush on Demetri?”

You kept on. “Then Robby Keene, on freshman year.”

“What, do you have a thing for LaRusso’s boyfriends or…?”

“How did you know they were together? I didn’t know!”

He just shrugged, and you continued. “And then there was uh-” you glanced at him and back to your milkshake. “Moon, after she uh. Started dating you, and hanging out with us.”

He let out a snort. “Right.”

“Sorry. I uh- I know she broke up with you-”

“What, are you gonna make a move on her? Is this what you have a thing for, crushing on your friends’ partners?”

“No. And you asked me about it!”

He looked sorry. He didn’t say it. He sighed. “Fine. Is that everyone?”

“With Miguel, yeah, that’s everyone.”

“Okay. I was the only one to get two letters though.”

You rolled your eyes at the comment. Of course he’d make this be about feeding his ego. The two of you finished your food in an awkward silence before he spoke up again. “Did you walk here?”

“Yeah.”

“You want a ride?”

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay.” After paying, you walked outside, getting on his motorbike. He surrendered his only helmet to you.

Holding onto his waist the whole time after all this was definitely weird but you didn’t let yourself think about it too much, instead thinking about a bigger issue: you really, really hoped Miguel wouldn’t be there when you got home. You got to the parking lot, getting off the bike, taking off the blue helmet and handing it back to him. “How do you even put this on with your hair?” You questioned.

He laughed. “I just like. Push it back.”

“But how does it not ruin it?”

He shrugged. “Power of the Hawk.” He smirked, full of himself.

“Oh, come on. I bet you walk around with a little bottle of hair gel so you can fix it when you take it off.”

“Magician never reveals his secrets-” he looked off at something behind you that caught his attention. You furrowed your eyebrows together in confusion, turning around to see what it was.

Miguel. He hadn't noticed your presence yet, but there was no way he wasn’t going to.

What do you do now? You felt paralyzed.

Hawk seemed to think of something before you could. He placed his helmet on the handle of the bike, very obviously making sure to make noise with it to attract attention, and leaned in, pulling you into a kiss. A… rather passionate one.

He pulled away, wordlessly leading you in the direction of your front door. You got the hint, walking to your place without turning around, and unlocking the door. He pushed you in and closed the door behind him with his foot, loudly. You stayed like that, with him leaning on the door and your bodies flushed together, in silence, trying to listen if Miguel was walking towards your door or not. After a couple seconds, you figured he was not, and you pulled away from him.

“Sorry,” he looked at the floor, sheepish. An usual sight for the new him. “First thing that came to mind.”

“Why is jumping each other the first thing that we think of when we panic?” You laughed.

Hawk laughed along, more at ease knowing you weren’t mad at him. “You did it first.”

You sat down on your couch, but he stayed standing. “Sorry to pull you into this. And thank you for helping out just now. Think I’ll just pity myself ‘till I sleep and then die of embarrassment tomorrow when I see him or something. You can go if you want.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll- yeah.” He started walking to the door, but stopped midway, turning around to face you again. “Hey what if-” he tried to find the words to explain his idea- “um- he probably thinks we’re dating right? Or at least hooking up, or something. I mean, after all the kissing… and stuff.”

“Shit. Yeah. I’ll clear things up, sorry-”

“No! What if- what if we let him?”

“What… do you mean?”

“What if we let him think we’re dating? And not just him. Everyone else too.”

“Why would we do that?”

“So he won’t think you're in love with him!”

“I’ll rephrase it then. Why would you do that?”

“I mean you know- you know I’m still really into Moon. Maybe we could make her… want what she can’t get?”

“You think that would work? On Moon?”

He just shrugged. “Maybe.”

“So you’re suggesting we fake-date.”

“I guess.”

“Have you never seen a movie with a fake dating trope? Doesn't end well.”

“What, you think you’ll catch feelings?” He opened his signature grin, and you sighed, annoyed.

“I’m just saying it’s probably gonna blow up on our face eventually.”

“Why? We can just pretend to date for like a couple weeks. And then we break up or whatever.”

“I’m not-” This could not be a good idea. Could it? “Look I’ll- I’ll think about it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Sure.”

[. . .]

Miguel, Miguel, Miguel. Miguel seemed to be what occupied your thoughts the most. No matter how absurd the amount of drama you were going through was, your thoughts always came back to him.

But the night after the letters got out… it wasn't like that. Eli Moskowitz- well, Hawk, hadn’t been in your head all that much ever since you got over the last crush you had on him a couple years ago. But now Miguel wasn't the only thing in your head anymore, weird of a way as everything else had come into your thoughts.

So you decided.

A/N: in all honesty im only rewriting this because im in a bit of a slum and i almost deleted this off of my ao3 bc of how terribly written the original chapters are lol so idk here’s something someone might like i guess. I won’t be in any rush to post the chapters of this whatsoever, scandalous is 100% my priority this is just for some piece of mind bc I know I’m better than the shitty writing in the original version of this lol

[tmntartblock]

TMNT LEOSAGI AU

FIND ME IN THE FUTURE

Chapter 4: Failed experiment

previous chapter |

There it was, one possibility. Leo tried to fight against the idea, as it was a long shot but it was the last glimpse of hope. He swept aggressively the tears that had formed up after thinking about Usagi and their last some-what happy conversation. Usagi had gave the crystals for a reason. It had to be. He knew something was gonna happen.

We are here for you.

Leo decided it was time to face Donnie.

Of course Donnie was still awake at 3 am. Leo had always nagged him about it even though he did exactly the same thing. 

“Leo! What are you doing up?” Donnie said, not even pretending to hide his half-done gadget. 

Leo was hesitant for a second. What if Donnie couldn’t help him? The hope was holding him together and he was afraid what would happen if he had to let go.

“Donnie. I need a dimension portal.”

“What now?”

“I need it as fast as possible.”

“Do you think they grow on trees?”

“Well, probably they grow in crops if I’ve understood Usagi correctly but that’s not important right now. I need a dimension portal.”

So this was the moment his brother had completely lost himself, Donnie thought. But he couldn’t lie to himself – a dimension portal sounded so freaking cool.

“It would take a long time, Leo. I need to find… well, first of all, some scientific proof that multiverse exists and then a to find a fuel source-”

Leo opened a little bag with turquoise stones and threw them on the table.

“These are how Usagi travelled to here. At least I think so. You can start from this.”

“Where did you-”

Leo looked at the floor, fists clenching the bag.

“I got them from Usagi.”

Donnie took one of them carefully in his hands. 

“They look like the material from his necklace.”

Leo’s heart was pounding in his chest.

“He… He said that they are what the Realm is protecting. He said they cultivated blue crystals when he was a kid. Could it… could they be to used for teleportation?” Leo asked, full of hope and fear. Please. Please, please, please.

Donnie put the crystal back on the table and gave Leo a pitiful look. He sighed.

“I… It could. It might. He never told you?”

“I guess I never asked.”

“You never asked how he got here?” Donnie couldn’t believe his brother. How he could not ask about it? Donnie had to always come up with an impossible project to keep his mind occupied every time Usagi came to visit just not to ask him about his realm.

“It was irrelevant to me.” Leo felt like an idiot. But back then it didn’t matter. Usagi came from a blue portal and that’s it. “Why didn’t you ask? You are the geek.”

“You specifically asked me not to ask invasive questions about his home planet or himself because you thought he would feel uncomfortable.”

“And you actually never did? Even when I wasn’t around?”

“Of course not. I promised.”

“Thanks”, Leo said, feeling gratitude to his brother. Even though this one time it would have helped not to listen to him.

Donnie stared at the crystals intensely.

“I will look into them but I won’t promise anything. These crystals could be just for decoration.”

“I know you can figure it out.”

“Thanks for the pressure.”

When Donnie got the portal machine running after a couple of months, Leo could not think straight. It had been so long that who knew what had happened to Usagi. He could’ve been killed for all he knew.

“We should do couple of test runs”, Donnie said when they all stood next to the brand new machine.

“Test runs? You said it’s working, right?” Leo said.

“Yeah, it works but-”

“We can test it to go to Usagi’s realm”, Leo said. “We have wasted enough time.”

Donnie didn’t want to argue longer. Leo had been a pain in everyone’s butt for months and Donnie was getting tired of it. Leo didn’t listen to anyone when he had the attitude.

Donnie gave everyone a little square machine with the little turquoise stone.

“These are portal devices to create portals”, Donnie said and gave everyone one. “They each have a portal stone that is charged by the big machine over here. You can do few jumps from one place to another with these without them needing to be charged but I still haven’t tested how many exacted.”

“I have the one that’s connected to the rest of them so we can do simultaneous teleportation together. One crystal is meant for one person to use and it does not hold the portal for that long so that’s why everyone has their own. So don’t test them. I don’t want any of us to end up in any random realm.”

Donnie gave Leo a long look.

“I can do this by myself”, Leo said and crossed his arms. He was going to do this now, no matter Donnie said.

“We promised to help”, Mikey said. “So that’s what we’re doing.”

Donnie set the coordinates and the portal machine started to glow. They stepped on the machine and the glittering light covered them. When it disappeared, they had appeared in the middle of a blood covered battlefield.

They had ended up somewhere dark, where the only source of light came from the bright blue nebula above. The ground was covered in gray dust that made the lungs hurt. 

They were surrounded by different kind of mammals standing on two feet, fighting with katanas, knives and bos against what Leo could only describe as straight from a horror film. The shadowy creatures did not have a clear shape, they moved through the air, slashing their opponents, leaving them screaming on the ground. Leo felt uneasy looking at them. 

Fuck.

“What happened?” Leo yelled and drew his katanas.

“I- I don’t know”, Donnie yelled and dodged an arrow. “I- I need to recalibrate. Shield me.”

Neither side cared if they were a foe or a friend. The turtles were attacked immediately. Leo kept his stand to protect Donnie but Mikey and Raph were getting pulled further away to fight.

“We are on some kind of crossroad section”, Donnie yelled, trying to make the numbers on his little carry-on machine to make sense. “There’s a lot of the same energy in here as these crystals so maybe that’s what confused the machine. We are not that far off tho. I think some of these people here might be from Usagi’s realm…”

“For fucks sake Donnie”, Leo couldn’t hold his frustration in as he kicked a leopard to the ground. The leopard in blue-red costume got back up and attacked again, forcing Leo further away from Donnie who looked at him, very much insulted. 

“You blaming me?” Donnie’s cheeks started to burn red. “What the fuck. I said we needed to calibrate.”

“Well I thought you meant that we would end up few miles off but not in an entirely wrong fuckin planet!” Leo yelled as he dodged the leopard’s attack and hit them on the head, so it passed out on the ground.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were so stupid to not understand that”, Donnie spitted. “I’m sick of your nonsense, Leo. Get a hold of yourself.”

Leo was ready strike back but he felt a push and something cold touched his shoulder. He turned around and faced the shadowy creature, standing in front of him, staring with its white bottomless eyes. Leo couldn’t breath.

The heavy feeling from his heart poured to every inch of his body. The failure, the fear that had kept piling on for months. He would lose. Everything. He would never find Usagi. He had brought his brothers to their grave. They couldn’t get out of there alive and it was all because of him. 

He would never find peace.

Lightning struck the air, covering everything in blue light. The force of the strike made Leo fall to the ground and he couldn’t believe what he saw. It had struck Donatello. Leo felt weak, powerless, he almost couldn’t get back up.

“Don!” Leo cried. He heard his brothers yelling from the distance. Donatello’s body was laying on the ground, smoke lingering from his body. No, no, no, no. Leo ran as fast as he could, using his sword on everything that was in his way. 

“Don, Don, please be alive, please”, Leo was afraid to touch his brother, who was covered in wounds. But he was breathing. For now.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, don’t worry”, Leo said, trying to calm his racing head. “We will get you home.”

Blood, so much blood. Leo could smell the burn.

“Raph! Mikey!” Leo yelled. “We have to go!” He couldn’t see them, but he heard them agreeing. “O-okay Donnie, what do we do? How- how we get home?”

Leo felt the tears forming. Fuck. How could he let this happen? Donnie had not explained how to get back home. 

Mikey and Raph had reached them finally, covered in blood and bruises. They couldn’t do anything but try to fight off the people attacking them.

Leo took the portal device from Donnie and looked at it. There was an extra button with a home symbol on it. Leo felt a sense of relief.

Thank god Donnie knew they were a bunch of idiots.

They got home, everything was loud, rushed. Master Splinter took care of Donnie with Mikey and April. Leo wanted to go inside but Raph stopped him.

“I don’t think it’s good for you to be there right now.”

Leo wanted to argue with him but there was no point. It was still hard to think straight. His mind was on the battlefield. 

Leo sat down on the ground, his heart pounding heavy like he was still running. Raph stood next to him. The tension was insufferable.

Raph opened his mouth.

“You know master Splinter has always been worried about Usagi.”

“What?”

“Is that big of a surprise for you? Well, I guess he hid it pretty well from you since you would have not listened in the first place.”

“Why are you telling this now?”

“Because I want you to stop this shit. Master Splinter is right. Usagi comes from a world we don’t know. He is a trained soldier. You have to stop this nonsense before one of us dies. We don’t know him.”

“I know him.”

“Do you? Do you really or are you just that delusional?”

“Shut up already.”

“No I fuckin’ won’t before you get it in your thick head. If you really knew him and he could be trusted, he would’ve told about that betrayal plan. He knew you would’ve helped him but he did what he fuckin’ did. ”

The anger was burning through Leo but he couldn’t get up. It hurt to hear what everybody really thought about Usagi.

“You have nothin’ to say?” Raph spitted.

“Not to you.”

After so many painful hours waiting, April finally came to announce that Donnie was going to live. 

“He’s just now unconscious and highly medicated. He’s gonna be in pain for a long time. And who knows what that amount of electricity did to his nervous system.”

Leo went inside the room and took a look at Donatello, covered in bandages and all kind of tubes. The worst had not happened. Not yet. 

Master Splinter was sitting next to him, looking at Don with a concern. He turned his head only when Leo started to talk.

“I need to talk to you, master Splinter”, Leo said. The initial anger had already faded and he started to feel numb from all the emotions. Master Splinter got up to his shaky legs.

“You are right, my son. But not here, we need to let Donatello rest. Let’s go to my meditation room.”

“So, what did you want to talk about?” master Splinter said calmly as they sat down. 

“Is it true that you hate Usagi?”

Master Splinter was not shaken by the question. It was like he knew it was coming.

“Hate is a strong word, my son and I would use it more carefully. I never hated him but also, I never truly trusted him. First, not because of his character: he was as innocent boy as you were. But the environment he was raised in shaped what kind of man he grew up to be. The realm is not something to take slightly. It is a strict military society and the citizens are known to be loyal to their realm.”

“Usagi is different. He always said he hated being there.”

“People there are told from a very young age that they need to protect their realm and die for it. Even the most determined mind can fold under enough pressure, my son. He may have realized how strong and dangerous you had become and that the best for his realm was to eliminate you and the rest of us. He may have not be able to kill you yourself but he put his feelings aside to make somebody else kill you. Only a person with a heart of ice could do that.”

“You don’t know that. I have to save him.”

“I order you to stay.”

Leo looked at him, shocked.

“I know what you want to do. But you’re going down your old path, my son”, Master Splinter’s words cut like the blade. Leo could barely look at his father’s disappointed face.

“You are not to order me anymore. You’ve made it clear enough for years now that I’m the one taking the responsibility of everyone. I am the head of this house. I make the calls.”

“I may have miscalculated the level of responsibility you were ready to take on, my son. I thought encounters with Shredder had thought you enough. You are doing horrible decisions and not thinking about the consequences for your family.”

Leo stared at his father. It was like every word coming from his mouth was meant to break the last pieces of his soul. But he did not feel anger. He did not feel sadness. There was just the unpleasant truth in front of him.  

“Usagi is my family”, Leo said as he stood up, looking down on his father. He walked away, went to his room and packed rushly the few items he thought he might need. He needed nothing. He deserved nothing.

He went to the portal machine and avoided Raph and Mikey. They would try to stop him. No matter how much they hated him, they wouldn’t let him leave to a whole other realm alone. He could not stand to see Mikey even though he would’ve needed that one last hug from him. But he couldn’t bare anything else happen to them, not because of him.

The machine wasn’t hard to set up. Donnie had left some manuals laying around. Leo tried to find the other crystals to take them with him but couldn’t find them. Others probably still had them on. Leo packed the manuals in his backpack so at least Raph and Mikey couldn’t immediately follow him.

He took a last look on the door and imagined his brothers in the living room. They would manage.

He had to keep everyone he loved safe. That’s what he had to do. That was his purpose. To save everyone. Alone.

Goodbye, Earth. 

THE END OF ISSUE 1

I hope you enjoyed the first 4 chapters :) Let's see how Leo will manage to survive in the realm in the next issue!

[beauttifullife]

Good Girl. 🔥🔥🔥

“I want to kiss you,” Agatha whispered, barely more than a breath, her voice carrying every ounce of the need she’d tried to hide.

The words felt like a surrender and a release, leaving her feeling weightless, as though in that one, vulnerable confession, she’d given in entirely.

Agatha leaned in, her resolve crumbling as the need to feel Rio’s lips against hers became overwhelming, a quiet ache turning sharp. Her hand moved up to rest on Rio’s arm, fingers curling into her sleeve as she closed the distance, breaths mingling, the warmth between them almost too much to bear.

Just as her lips were about to meet Rio’s, she felt the pressure of Rio’s hand tighten around her neck, a firm but gentle restraint that stopped her in place. Rio pulled back just enough to catch Agatha’s gaze, her eyes filled with that same dark, commanding intensity that sent a shiver down Agatha’s spine.

Agatha froze, her heart racing beneath Rio’s thumb, her lips parted with the expectation lingering in the air.

And then Rio's voice dropped to a soft, relentless challenge.

“Ask.”

A surge of frustration coursed through Agatha, hot and insistent, blending with a thrill she couldn’t deny.

She hated the way it stripped her bare, the way it made her feel as if she had no defenses left.

It was as if Rio could see right through her, unraveling her layer by layer, drawing out her desires without permission, pulling her wants and needs straight from the core of her with an infuriating ease.

The words slipped out before she could stop them, a soft, urgent confession she could no longer hold back.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked, her voice low, edged with desperation.

She was too far gone, too caught up to feel the sting of embarrassment now, though she knew it would come later, would haunt her when she thought of this moment—how she had caved, how she had let herself surrender without a fight.

But right now, she didn’t care.

She was breathless, open, every inch of her drawn toward Rio, as if nothing else in the world mattered but this—the thrill, the ache, the need burning between them.

Rio's eyes flashed, her gaze sparking with satisfaction, a wicked gleam that sent a tremor down Agatha’s spine.

That pleased look alone made Agatha's knees weak, and she felt Rio’s grip soften, fingers gliding along the side of her neck before slipping into her hair.

Agatha’s breath hitched as Rio’s fingers threaded through the strands, pressing and scraping against her scalp, grounding her in a sensation that was both intense and achingly tender.

A low groan escaped Agatha as Rio’s hand tightened, fingers curling at the root, pulling her head back just enough to remind her who held control.

The tension thrummed, a tantalizing ache that wasn’t pain, but something far more consuming—a release.

Rio guided her forward with a control that radiated dominance, each movement precise and deliberate, until Agatha felt the soft, warm press of Rio’s lips against her own, a touch that stole her breath entirely.

Agatha’s instinct was to surge forward, to close the gap and lose herself in the kiss, but Rio’s fingers held her in place, firm and unyielding, keeping her right where she wanted her.

Every second felt like a slow burn, the tension building, stretching, leaving Agatha helpless to do anything but yield, to feel every inch of Rio’s control.

And then, instead of the kiss she craved, she felt Rio’s words, whispered against her lips, each one a soft, taunting caress.

“Good girl,” Rio purred, her voice a low, reverent murmur that seemed to sink into Agatha’s very bones, igniting something that had been buried, waiting.

And then, Rio closed the distance, claiming her in a searing kiss that left no question, no hesitation, branding those words into Agatha’s soul in a way she knew she’d never forget.

[roseofhybrids]

i put a microphone near your face

how are you feeling after that md stuff huh

Well, the fact that it'll be the end of the series makes it a bit bittersweet, but it had to end at some point. If the story can be told in 8 episodes then so be it. 8 is a lot more than what I had a little over a year ago when I first decided to watch it

I've been invested in quite a few projects that I've never seen get a conclusion to (mostly webcomics, so so many unfinished webcomics). Which is probably where I got the patience to wait as long as I do for these sorts of things. It's easy to wait a few months for an episode to air after waiting multiple years for things that never came to be

Having an ending is much better than the limbo of always being stuck somewhere in the middle, just being left to wonder forever what was meant to happen. So I'm overjoyed that we'll get to see this story get a proper ending

But it is still bittersweet. The show will end, and for a lot of people that means the fandom ending too. I don't believe that's the case, no matter how old something is or how long it's been over for, I see no reason to stop getting as invested as one does with a brand-new piece of media. But still, not everyone can stick around forever. So I'm preparing myself for people to move on. It's sad, but as inevitable as the show itself ending. No matter how long-lasting a fandom, members will move on to other things eventually. Personally, I don't see myself stopping the fan art any time soon. I've never had a reaction to a show like this before. I've gotten really invested in things the same way before, but all those instances it eventually died down after a few weeks and I could stop binge-watching/reading the thing over and over and just be normal about it.

Murder Drones on the other hand. It's been well over a year at this point. I managed to pull my shit together after two weeks like I usually do, but a fraction of the intensity lingered. Now I'm here, with 109 post tagged "murder drones fanart" and 623 just tagged "murder drones" according to the Tumblr archive

I still get giddy rewatching the episodes, still have a long ever-growing list of drawing ideas, still think about the little robots on a daily basis. So yeah, I think I might just be stuck like this the same way I'm stuck forever liking animals, ghosts, and roller coasters. Eventually I'll have to get back to drawing my own characters and one day make my own comics and such. But as things stand, I can see myself still drawing MD art for years. One can only hope I can balance the two out

So yeah, how I'm feeling, Excitement for another episode and finally seeing how this all ends. Dread for the inevitable change, not looking forward to that part, (the joys of living with an anxiety disorder am I right fellas? c'est la vie, c'est la mort) and just a touch of nausea, because this is a lot of excitement after just waking up

so anyhow, gunna go watch the trailer on repeat a couple times and then see if I can't calm myself down a bit afterward

[pteraphylax]

I personally don’t hc Gale as autistic, because to me he comes across very neurotypical? I think a lot of people hc him as autistic just because he’s an academic type who exposits a lot. But for me and my brand of autism, he doesn’t resonate like that. He reminds me of my husband who is neurotypical.

I can see why a lot of people hc that though, and a lot of the reasons people ‘hate Gale’ end up being things that autistic people get bullied and punished for in real life.

I don’t hc Gale as autistic, but I take it personally when I see people hating on him for what could be considered ‘autistic-coded traits’.

You know who I DO hc as autistic?

Lae’zel.

Black and white thinking (whether she’s stanning Vlaakith or Orpheus, it’s with the same all-in fervour)

Blunt and abrasive mannerisms. She doesn’t follow societal conventions. She’s aware of them and thinks they’re a waste of time. She doesn’t react or express her feelings in conventional ways. She is often insulting and brutally honest because she always tells the truth as default.

She takes people at face value and is always earnest. For example when Gale compliments her fighting style, she immediately offers to teach him with 100% sincerity. It often catches people off guard. She doesn’t realise when people are asking rhetorical questions vs. actually wanting to know or do something (same, Queen).

Special interests. The way she talks about her insane training regime, maintains her gear, her learning and memorisation of the Gith slates. It’s very intense.

She gets her mind set on doing something a certain way (go straight to the crèche) and finds it hard to understand why the others want to sidetrack from that.

LOVES rules. She has those protocols memorised and it’s very difficult for her to imagine a reality that is not dictated by them. Even comparing her to other Gith at the creche, Lae’zel is so much more rigid. If she turns from Vlaakith she is equally rigid about her new destiny with Orpheus/ fighting Vlaakith.

Toes are out in her starting armour. For my autism shoes are the devil so I am applying this to her too lol.

Sometimes her complaints about Faerun/ the material plane come across as being overstimulated in a sensory way. At least they do to me.

Other sensory stuff: she has as much bare skin as possible in her default outfits. For my autism, tight and covering clothes are also the devil, so I’m projecting this on her as well.

You could also definitely interpret her idling with her weapons/ using the grindstone as stimming. If that’s the case this is NOT my flavour of autism. Lae’zel stimming on her grindstone makes my ears bleed and makes me want to scream. Sometimes other people’s stims are your sensory hell.

She is ride or die for the party. At first it’s a mutual goal based thing, but as she gains respect for the other party members a switch flips and she’s All In. This sort of black and white approach to relationships feels very neurodivergent to me.

I LOVE LAE’ZEL.

[hussyknee]

Fellas, is it an act of war against a Western European country to hold their citizens prisoner in the open air prison they're carpet bombing?

Lebanon's Hezbollah and Yemen's Houthis have been launching attacks on US military bases in Syria and Iraq and firing missiles at Israel in tandem with Hamas's attacks. All three are funded by Iran.

(I am HEAVING with laughter at Vox and every single one of these propagandist chucklefucks calling them "militias" and "terrorist organisations" and trying to frame this as justification for continuing to fund Israel like. MOTHERFUCKER WHOSE REGION ARE YOU IN EXACTLY?? WHO IS GENOCIDING PEOPLE ON THEIR OWN SOIL??)

"But they're fundie theocratic military states!!!"

*looks at Israel*

*looks at you*

*looks at current state of US*

Oh, ARE they?

US officials have met with the Lebanese caretaker government in an effort to try and prevent the conflict from spreading into Lebanon.

Um. Was this before or after Israel poured white phosphorus on Lebanon? Do y'all even have any control over your dog?

(Btw if you MCU brainrotted Western leftists don't stop trying to pick a Good Guy out of this mess instead of understanding basic geo-politics and the horrific ground realities of the countries the US and its allies have left in tatters, you're frankly just as much of an enemy to the people in those countries as your leaders are. Every one of these people are fascist cunts.)

For those of you who have been BLEATING about Ukraine non-stop, like it's NOT an expendable non-NATO country they're only interested in defending in case Putin gets any bright ideas about Poland, here's an opinion that makes sense to me:

Tell me it wouldn't be perfectly on brand if the US government announced, "Our great democracy bows to the will of the people. We hear you, we see you. We will divest...from Ukraine."

The West has never given one singular shit about protecting ANYONE from genocide. Vulnerability is liability. The only difference between them and Putin is that Putin is greedy megalomaniacal fascist surrounded by self-interested yes-men and the US is run by a committee of greedy egomaniacal fascists surrounded by self-interested yes-men whose end goal is keeping the death machine spinning money rather than even "winning" territories. All they have to do to turn this around is divest from Israel and focus on Ukraine. And no, Israel can't throw in with Putin because it'll be too busy trying to fight off three countries at once without the sugar from its Daddy.

Putin will not stop at Ukraine, for the same reason the US didn't stop at Afghanistan. Empires are built on their military power and militaries need to be fed and kept active and kept active to be fed. The minute you stop, it tries to eat itself. If Putin makes a move on Poland, NATO has to respond, and if the West is also embroiled in an all-out war with the Middle East, well. It looks kinda like a global conflict.

Oh and btw, if this does escalate into another regional war in the Middle East, we're going to be plunged into an oil crisis. Which might actually be the last straw for the UK economy, but it very DEFINITELY will be for the rest of the Global South.

(Also Biden's already auctioned off the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska for oil companies for such an intensive scale of fracking that it's projected to tip the world over the edge of climate collapse. In the event of a war in the ME, the US is going to need that oil soooooo. Good luck stopping it.)

[sirfrogsworth]

@vanriblogs asked for some product photography advice and it is easier to make a post rather than trying to fit everything into a reply.

Plus this might be of interest to other folks as well.

This is an example of her products.

I like your product photos a lot. Making a compelling photo of something semi two-dimensional is difficult. Adding interest with a neat background goes a long way and you do a great job of not making it too distracting.

Another approach... since you can't make your products more three dimensional, you might consider placing them on objects that are more three-dimensional.

It sounds to me like your biggest issue is mitigating unwanted reflections. Which is actually like 90% of the problem solving involved with high level product photography.

The easiest technique is to go outside on an overcast day. The world would be your light source and the only reflections would be of your camera which you have to deal with no matter what. But this kind of lighting is a little boring and weather is not very reliable.

Glossy items create what are called "image-forming reflections" on their surface. That means a picture of your light source covers your product. So what you have to do is make the light source attractive rather than the product. And typically that is done with gradient lighting.

And the way you create these gradients is by projecting a ball of light onto diffusion material. (Though for tall cylindrical objects like bottles, you would project a vertical strip of light.)

The light slowly fades away through the diffusion material which causes gradients like in this photo of my $8 gas station Aviator knockoffs...

The lenses reflect a distorted view of my light source.

Softboxes use a homogenous diffusion approach. Every inch of the surface area outputs the same intensity of light. But this kind of diffusion you are intentionally creating a hotspot that graduates away.

The industry standard gradient diffusion material is Lee 216 or Savage Translum. It's a bit pricey but a roll lasts forever. The Savage is a little thicker and more heavy duty. The Lee doesn't hold up as well but is easier to craft into different modifiers or you can hang either brand off a light stand with a boom arm. Karl demonstrates using diffusion material for gradients in this video.

If you can't afford the expensive stuff right now, you can double up tracing paper and get a similar effect.

All that said, I actually think there is another light modifier that would be perfectly suited for your particular products. And I know I look like a huge Karl Taylor fanboy (because I am) but he really is the only one doing high quality education about this stuff and he is one of the world's top product photographers.

So you might try... the Karl Taylor Light Cone!

I know that looks like a late night informercial product for photographers, but it really does work as advertised.

It is a great way to get rid of all unwanted reflections with the small exception of your camera lens which can usually be removed easily in Photoshop. The idea of the light cone is it completely surrounds your products with gradient light sources

It comes in three sizes. Big, medium, and smartphone. I think you can use the medium with your camera and the size of your products.

If you can't afford it right now, you can construct it out of tracing paper or similar diffusion material, but I'm not sure if that would be hard to get standing upright. Though you can actually turn the cone sideways too. You just have to get creative and problem solve with the space and equipment you have available. As long as you understand the principles the rest is just trial and error.

Depending on the object, you may need up to 3 lamps to get a good result but I think you can get by with two for now. It is very important they are all identical and have the exact same bulb. You will get more control if you can find lights that project a smaller ball of light onto the diffuser. That way you can back them off to make the ball of light bigger or move them closer to make it smaller.

Karl has a series of tutorials on the V-Flat World website.

Karl also has an entire education platform and you could subscribe to for a month and cancel when you have learned what you need to know. I have learned more from Karl than just about any other photographer so I can vouch for the quality of the info there.

His YouTube page has a few shorter and less in-depth product photography videos that you might find helpful as well.

Just so I don't sound like a Karl Taylor marketing robot, I also really like Martin Botvidsson. He isn't as good of a teacher, but if you are good at learning by watching others do the thing, you can absorb some good stuff from him. He also works in a much smaller space which might be useful to observe.

And Workphlo has some tutorials as well along with some surfaces you may find useful.

Now, the one thing that is important to keep in mind...

These folks all have the fanciest cameras and the fanciest lights and one of the biggest complaints they get is, "I don't have expensive gear, how am I supposed to get good photos?"

And then they constantly have to explain the principles of lighting never change and you can get good results with desk lamps and a smartphone.

Here is a video from Karl proving this point while doing a wine bottle shoot with desk lamps.

Don't fall into the fancy gear trap. You can work with what you have. It just takes a little patience and a lot of trial and error.

I took this stapler photo with a smartphone and two $40 video lights.

And these bottles too...

It was the knowledge in my brain that got these results. Fancy gear can make it much easier and it is more necessary as you get into more complicated setups, but that is something you grow into over time.

In any case, I wish you luck.

Feel free to ask questions if you run into a speed bump along the learning curve.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Yuri posting time. These are ships I personally vibe with from what I post about on here.

Higuchi and Gin (BSD): Okay, I'm not sure I can really explain this properly because it's so entwined with the plot of a particular fic I've been wanting to write about them, and I don't really want to spoil where it goes too much? Basically, I love the potential of two characters who (it's implied) got involved with dangerous work for the sake of their siblings. Higuchi's idealized view of romance contrasts with Gin's survival mentality (which is similar to Akutagawa's). At the same time, Higuchi gives Gin opportunities to express different sides of herself. They both work for the sake of others. Okay, so canonically, there isn't a lot there, because there is little exploration of the themes of BSD through these two characters, unfortunately. But, with a combination of "what if I explored the themes through these characters", some influence from O-Gin and Higuchi-sensei's works, and a touch of my own personal brand of "fuck it, we ball, and see where it rolls", I think there's a lot of fun things you can pull at.

Higuchi and Tsujimura (BSD): Not a long-term relationship. They're best friends who had a brief fling and then decided to remain friends. To me.

Wells and Sasaki (BSD): Absolute crack ship that I have not stopped thinking about since you suggested it @lucythejudge. It's so funny.

Meryl and Milly (Trigun): !!! THEM!!! AUGH! They spent!!! Eight months navigating the apocalypse together!!! Milly's smile and presence is enough to help Meryl out of her dark thoughts! Milly is unable to sleep when Meryl is in danger! Milly challenges Vash and Wolfwood when they try to stop her from rescuing Meryl! Meryl has complete faith in Milly to intervene when she has a literal contract killer pointing a gun at her head!!! They're always at each other's sides! THEY!

Coco and Agott (WHA): They give me slight killugon vibes (also maybe lumity - but I've never actually watched owl house unfortunately). Cute and pure. I hope they continue to inspire each other. :)

Theta and Morena (HxH): Saw art for this once. They haven't even interacted. But still, my brain thinks about it and goes ohohohoho

Ann and Shiho (P5R): Ahhh... they want to be strong for each other... avenging Shiho was Ann's reason for awakening... ahhhhhh

Ann and Mika (P5R): I just think Ann's canonical admiration for women who are mean is incredibly funny and so real. Get her a mean girlfriend.

Makoto and Hifumi (P5R): Okay, they hit it off immediately and also I want to see how intense they get over a game of shogi. Everyone quietly backing away from them... lmao. Also I think it's nice because Makoto could understand Hifumi's struggles with expectation and wanting to help her family, and Hifumi offers a familiar setting (intellectual, strategic) with opportunities for Makoto to expand her understanding as well as form a solid connection. They should be best friends at least!

Bonus:

This idea I had for a fucked up polycule that never actually becomes a polycule and is literally just Yosano, Wells, and Mary all being needed for some kind of research, with a stressed Tsujimura as their supervisor. There is... some kind of tension happening amidst the often inadvisable scientific decisions being made. No sex or romance actually ever occurs but there are conversations that sound suspiciously like flirting that usually end in Yosano gleefully hacking at something or someone in her temporary office, Mary nearly downing the entire grid because she diverted all the power to her latest project that then promptly exploded, or Wells vanishing then abruptly and calmly reappearing minutes later with no explanation except "the world will survive another day". Tsujimura is about ready to tear her hair out. The cat thief drops in sporadically to cause extra chaos. This too, is yuri.

[theseshipsshallsail]

Summary:

They’re addictive, Elio’s lips, and visions of him pursing them at the al fresco dining table - biting them subconsciously whilst transcribing Haydn or Bach - take up an inordinate amount of his waking hours. But here and now they’re utterly ruinous: pressed to Oliver’s own in an apparent quest to devour.

A FEAST OF THE SENSES

Oliver was twelve years old when he received his first proper kiss: an impromptu game of spin-the-bottle at the Freidman’s summer garden party. He never learned her name - can only recall a general sense of inadequacy and Cinnamon-flavoured Dentyne - but it’s safe to say he’s kissed plenty of others since, and thankfully with much greater finesse than his terrified, seventh grade fumblings.

Not that he’s prone to brag. 

On the contrary, he’s spent years denying his baser urges. Burying deep the conflicting passions he’s seldom dared acknowledge outright. Yet the moment he’d found himself kissing Elio Perlman in the blanketing wildflowers of Monet’s berm was nothing short of a revelation: and one that’s merely grown in intensity with every heartfelt intimacy thereafter.

He’d dreamed of their first embrace - hypothetically, of course, though in exquisitely vivid detail - but reality, he’s found, is a slow-burning splendour. Softness reigns when it’s just the two of them, and Elio’s innate curiosity is a warm and gentle fire that sets his hazel eyes alight. 

Ironic, admittedly - that he kisses like he’s in no hurry, when time is a luxury they can ill afford - yet by the same token he’ll lean into Oliver with the whole of his being.

Raking blunt fingernails along his strangled rib cage.

Anchoring knobbly knees to the curve of his waist.

Tickling those flexing toes against the sensitive soles of his grass-stained feet.

But he’s more than a temptation, is Elio: he’s the catalyst that spurred his reinvention. His complex nature changed him fundamentally - knocked him on his ass then right off his axis, too - and Oliver’s charting this brand new orbit with gusto; an eager disciple, some might say, worshipping at the altar of generous lips still laced with the savoury aftertaste of Pasta alla Norma.

They’re addictive, Elio’s lips, and visions of him pursing them at the al fresco dining table - biting them subconsciously whilst transcribing Haydn or Bach - take up an inordinate amount of his waking hours. But here and now they’re utterly ruinous: pressed to Oliver’s own in an apparent quest to devour. 

Self-restraint falls by the wayside as he slides a palm beneath Elio’s t-shirt; mapping the ridged line of his vertebrae from nape to boxers-covered ass. The other, he places at the graceful column of his throat; thumb caressing the jut of his Adam’s apple in a lazy to-and-fro. It bobs on cue when he swallows back a groan, and licking past his cupid’s bow Oliver draws forth a series of heady whimpers until Elio’s damn near panting; each blissed out sigh hot and provocative where it brushes his scratchy cheek. 

And yet he never really breaks contact, does Elio: not even when he’s struggling to catch his breath. 

Simply rests that supple pout at the corner of Oliver’s mouth; sweat-damp curls framing his face as he nestles into their chamomile-scented pillow: shamelessly seeking his touch. 

“I could do this forever,” he murmurs, achingly vulnerable in the ashen light of dawn, and something heavy lifts from Oliver's chest as he steals another kiss: the ghost of his name on the air between them almost smothered by the quicksilver blood in his veins.

“You and me both…” he allows - holding Elio close - and not for the first time compiles a mental checklist of the things he’ll need to do to make it so.    

[vidding]

On June 23, 2021, You Tube announced that any Pre-2017 unlisted videos will be made private on July 23, 2021. Why? BTW this is an attempt to raise awareness about an event few fans may even know took place and highlight the importance of supporting archiving projects. It's written by those directly involved - any re-blogs are appreciated. An example of a rescued vid is at the end. Security update: Why? You Tube screwed up when it first developed unlisted videos. There was a loophole. Any unlisted video that was added to a playlist would automatically be made public. Oops! June 23, 2021 was when they made a formal announcement about their efforts to rectify it. You Tube's Solution? - Blanket privatization of ALL pre-2017 unlisted videos & then apply the security update for all new unlisted videos going forward. What if you don't want your pre-2017 unlisted videos to be made private? Filling out a form telling You Tube to do nothing is one option. Great for people who don't mind filling forms to send to You Tube. Make your videos public. 🤨 or download them and reupload them then make them unlisted with the new update. 🙄 You can watch the video below for descriptions of all the options. Most not ideal. Official Video: Released June 23, 2021. You can watch it whenever if you want to, but I must say contrary to what one would expect it is a very clear explanation without too much technical jargon. However, it doesn't really explain the obvious ramifications of this.

What are the freaking Ramifications: You Tube is 18 years old. What?!?!! 😲 Yeah, I know. Any pre-2017 videos would account for more than half of You Tube's history (11 years) and therefore fandom's history on You Tube. How many fans would be aware they had a 30-day notice and could act in time? Were you even aware of this?

More Issues: More importantly, how many users with abandoned accounts with noteworthy, valuable unlisted fanvids are no longer around to fill out a form. How many "Dead Embeds" would be the result of this when the videos go private. Many prefer to Unlist and Embed on other sites. Unlisted is not the same as private. It only means the videos can't be searched and found on You Tube but is available to anyone with a link or Embed. Private basically means no longer accessible and limited to people who were emailed a link directly.

There were only 2 people in Fandom (to my knowledge) who worked on rescuing content like that. We had about 2 weeks before the July 23, 2021 deadline to archive about 11 years of Pre-2017 unlisted fanvids and ask questions later. One of those people was Morgan Dawn and the other was myself. Other archive teams did work on this but their focus was on other types of videos related gaming, political history, anime, etc. Essentially non-fandom. In a nutshell, our collaboration led to the rescue approximately 12K unlisted fan videos. 12K fanvids that would have been made private forever and unable to be seen. The Work About 50% of that total came from accounts that had never uploaded a video since 2018. The work involved required more technical knowledge & resources than we had ever used before on any prior archive projects. There were several brand-new archive techniques we developed specifically out of necessity during that intense time period. One example was renting multiple virtual machines to sift through thousands of playlists just to find a fraction of unlisted videos. There was so much at stake. What happened with the content that was archived?

To my knowledge, there isn't an Open Doors for fanvids. There is just a few dedicated individuals who may be bad at promoting their work. Let's face it, when there is a fire at a library you marshal all resources to save as many books as you can and worry about everything else later. If archiving speaks to you whether that is fanzine, oral history or fanvid related, then there are certain things you can do:

Follow this Tumblr (we will post about relevant projects here)

If you have time, ask us how you can volunteer on projects and see if what we offer works for you. You can always opt out.

Re-blog this so that maybe someone who does have time sees this.

If you don't have time support our Patreon https://patreon.com/vidding

If you don't have time or money like this post acknowledging you appreciate that this work is being done even if you can't assist in those ways.

Choose whichever options work for you if possible.

This kind of work is done by very few people and not necessarily by those you would think would do this type of work. It can fly under the radar and so can support. This is an attempt to raise awareness which sometimes we are too busy to take time to do. If support doesn't go to the right places projects like this may never have happen or may not be as successful as they could be. This Unlisted You Tube Project is a perfect example of something a lot of fans may not be aware even took place. Thank you for whatever method of support you choose. The following experience was brought to you by archiving.

The following vid is one of the 12k saved. It's a Kirk/Spock vid. You will not find this vid anywhere but here. I know. I went to the original vidder's You Tube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@xKelociraptor and they have other vids on there. Last vid uploaded 11 years ago and no contact info. You want to know the kicker? I looked at all the other vids they have available but the best one (in my opinion) is the one that was unlisted & rescued. Unlisted vids are not necessarily unfinished projects or bad takes of a final version that should not see the light of day. They can in some cases be the best vids you will never see.

If you liked this post you might like this:

The last vidder friendly hosting & streaming site?

[schismusic]

Nine Inch Nails' The Fragile (and me) at 25

It turns out it's very hard for me to talk about Nine Inch Nails on this blog. Not only because it's a band whose catalogue I explored in a very, very weird manner (essentially anything after 2005, barring Hesitation Marks, is terra ignota to me, a guy who fucking shelled out fifty euros as a fourteen-year-old to go see Trent Reznor perform live as his first ever paid gig) but also because what I do know about them has indelibly altered how I function, not just as a musician but as a person as well. Issue is: The Downward Spiral turned thirty last March. Your usual suspects and I ended up giving it another whirl. I hadn't heard it in full in, at that point, a good five years if not more – my memories of it were confused at best. Of course, hearing the whole thing after so long reminded me of the absolute paradigm shift the record was for me (and, doubtless, for many others as well) which led to me finally biting the bullet.

There is another Nine Inch Nails record hitting a special anniversary this year. It perennially exists in the shadow of the other two "classic" NIN records, mostly due to its perceived length, width of scope, breadth of intent, intensity. I'm not a Nine Inch Nails historian, despite the profound interest the band has always sparked within me. I will not pretend to have any special insight to offer within the recording process, the songwriting, the psychology behind any NIN release at all – and especially not a release as personal, as layered, as complicated, and ultimately as definitive as this one. Anyone with ears will however have to agree with this: sure, it might not have singles as iconic, it might not be as concise, it might not capture the zeitgeist as well as its predecessors, but The Fragile hit its twenty-fifth anniversary with what we can only assume to have been the same grace as works like Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, Homer's Odyssey, Nintendo R&D1's Super Metroid. It's not even a contest. Pretty Hate Machine, barring a couple of incredible songs that would be absolute standouts in any other discography, is mostly just cute and quite unfocused in a number of crucial ways that make it breathe stilted compared to what's to come. Broken and The Downward Spiral still hit like a truck with very little rough spots – they remain lean, efficient pieces of slaughter machinery – but, as acutely noted by recurring blog guest Francesco Farabegoli, their reliance on heavy guitars seems to be more a byproduct of historical coincidence than that of genuine affection, on Reznor's part, to that specific brand of aggression. As such, it's easier to see them retrospectively as double-bound to phenomena like the Seattle sound's overnight success, or the surprisingly big following garnered by genres like death metal and projects like Ministry. None of this applies to The Fragile. Every single sound design decision in The Fragile stands as well alone as it does within the context of the whole NIN discography up to that point – including the Quake soundtrack, which (if not for its inherent ties to an external vision, not directly pertaining to anyone in the band) might actually be its closest peer in a number of ways.

Following up on the more abstract moments of Quake, for starters, The Fragile by and large foregoes the grid-like structure that even The Downward Spiral still abode to. As a result, most of the album's songs retain a surprising "live" feel to them; however, it has to be noted that the sounds themselves are imprecise, artisanal, acoustically coherent to their own reality, believable within the context of a hypothetical recording space: somewhat damaged, in most scenarios. The irony of saying this about a record whose singles include, among other things, humongous-sounding digitally distorted walls of electric guitars and actual breakbeats does not escape me, of course; but tracks like The Great Below (one of the album's thematic centerpieces) are ultimately so enhanced by the unnaturally warbled synth strings, the alien-sounding acoustic guitars or whatever that fucking pluck even is, the single-tracked lead vocals that it's actually impossible to unhear it, once you've heard it. In other words, The Fragile's ultimate superiority lies within its decision to sound – plain and simple – like it is dying.

What most popular rock and rock-adjacent acts of the 1990s made finally clear is the inextricable connection between grief and anger, mourning and fury. On average, the more personal the record, the clearer the connection between the two. In Utero, Dirt, the more politically charged branches of emo, the bands that most openly associated themselves with the nu metal image all end up converging onto an angst-filled paradox of vehement depression, or abulic bloodlust, if you'd rather. This is also the case with The Downward Spiral – a record that conveniently expresses its sad moments in the form of exactly that: sad moments (A Warm Place and Hurt, to name names). I am also conveniently leaving aside the more overtly sexual side of all the records and movements mentioned – but ultimately, bloodlust and appetite are not just metaphors of destruction, if you catch my drift. All of this somehow ends up actually coalescing into virtually any given second of The Fragile's hour-and-a-half runtime. The irony is that this exact coincidence of sounds and feelings looks a lot like your average sixty-year-old who takes up the habit of looking at obituaries posted on the streets and put in local newspaper – an exquisitely Abruzzese habit, from which I am not exempt.

Pointedly enough, a couple of tracks on the record openly tie into the then-recent demise of Trent Reznor's grandmother Clara, the woman who encouraged him to actually pursue a serious career in music. It gets particularly grim when you realize the instrumental I've just linked above this paragraph – candidly titled I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally – has one single thing written under its title in the CD's booklet: the chilling epigraph "for Clara". I spent a lot of time in a cemetery on November 2nd, 2024, as my family and I waited for the Day of the Dead mass to start. Everyone in town had reunited in the graveyard, with the hilarious result that the place in question was more populated – and noisier, regrettably – than the actual town itself. A literal necropolis, then: a city of the dead, as in quite literally built with them: the little family mausoleums and the big structures comprising multiple assorted burial recesses, if you squint, look like condominiums, late nineteenth-century roofed avenues, suburban villas. Then, those who populate these areas, of course very much alive, speak of things pertaining mostly to people who are alive – and boil with the self-destructive rage pertaining to people who are still alive (self-destuctive, that is, only insofar as other people they know no longer are alive).

I was born on July 11th, 1999; as such, I am about two months older than The Fragile. The fact that this particular record would turn twenty-five the same year as me imposed a redde rationem of some kind: finally face this behemoth, advertised to be more depressing, more horrifying, dirtier and more suffocating than any other NIN record was. And so I did. Mere days after the record's anniversary, my girlfriend would tell me she wasn't feeling the spark anymore. As usual, she'd called it right – neither was I, as hard to admit as it was. Grandpa stays buried, much to everyone's chagrin, and I am nowhere closer to making my own Russian Ark than I was when I posted my last piece on here. I fumbled a cute-looking girl a week ago and while on the one hand I knew this was gonna happen and I was going to take it in stride, on the other hand this very much did not happen, which led me to finally listen to Justin Broadrick's Jesu (more on this in another post: it's probably gonna be a fun time, unlike this one). A couple of other things happened – a British girl hit on me after my band played a local underground music club, and then forgot to actually follow suit with her actual plans, luckily for me seeing as she looked to be quite drunk already – but the point still stands: I am the one looking at obituaries, blindly reading on, recognizing last names with a grimace, refusing to engage with my own fallibility.

So twenty-five years on, we have to face the music. Reznor has, so far, never made anything as intense and personal and calculated and brutal and perfect in the etymological sense of the word as The Fragile. Doing so would, in all likelihood, kill him. With Teeth is a record that admits a form of defeat: I'll take a quiet life, I'll take a rock quartet with synths, I don't fucking care about perfection any longer. Hesitation Marks deals in different forms of anxiety, more befitting for a man (at the time) nearing fifty, with a wife and children and an Academy Award or two sitting on his shelf somewhere. Both are mostly cute – I will go so far as to admit I have an actual soft spot for Hesitation Marks, making it the only NIN record outside of the classics that I willingly go out of my way to listen to in full – and ultimately inconsequential. I guess I can certainly aspire to be as inconsequential and cute as these records are, knowing there will forever be a record like The Fragile somewhere behind my back, hiding in the shadows.

[jocia92]

Dan Stevens in an exclusive interview (Google translated)

Hollywood star Dan Stevens can currently be seen in the blockbuster “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” in cinemas. The film is currently topping the box office charts and is number one worldwide. We met the charismatic actor in Los Angeles and talked to him about his current film, his next two projects and his choice of roles.

April 5, 2024 by Grace Maier

Can you share with us your first reaction when you were offered a role in Godzilla x Kong: The new empire? It's always a pleasure to work with the same people several times, but this time it was extra special as Adam Wingard, the director, is an old friend. I was also invited to play with an even older friend, Rebecca Hall, as well as Brian Tyree Henry, who I have known and admired for years. It felt like I was being asked to play with friends.

What was it like entering the universe of these iconic monsters? Did you have any ideas or expectations? It's a fun task to be asked to stretch one's imagination to the size of such cinematic titans! I've worked with CGI on an epic scale before, so it wasn't too foreign, and I was surprised at how many practical locations we had.

How did you prepare for your role in this blockbuster? Were there any unique challenges or exciting moments during filming? It was really exciting to shoot in the Australian outback, in the Daintree rainforest - this incredible ancient jungle. That sense of adventure on the way to work every day, passing crocodiles along the river banks, waiting for pythons to be removed from the set, really fueled the mood for the Hollow Earth walk in the film.

“Godzilla x Kong: The new empire” promises to be an epic clash. Without giving too much away, can you give us a hint as to how your character fits into the plot? Trapper is initially brought in to help Kong with his toothache - he is a vet for all Titan creatures - and is then approached by Rebecca Hall's character, Dr. Andrews, invited to the mission. He's a kind of happy, carefree Han Solo type, good to have around, tirelessly optimistic and impressed by little.

The film contains a lot of CGI and visual effects. What was your experience like acting in such an environment and how did it differ from previous roles? I've worked with this type of thing before so it wasn't too scary. I actually really enjoy working with a VFX team and helping to create something using our entire collective imagination. It's truly incredible to see what they achieve long after you've left the process.

Were you a fan of the Godzilla or Kong films before joining this project? How does it feel to be part of their legacy? I feel like I've known these characters my whole life: they are such an integral part of cinema history. I've loved seeing them in all their different iterations over the years and of course being asked to perform alongside them - and even fix their teeth - is a huge honor!

The film will have some intense action scenes. Can you describe one of your most memorable moments while filming these scenes? While it's not the most intense scene, the way my character is introduced - rappelling from a floating vehicle into Kong's mouth to perform large-scale dental work - was one of the more exciting stunts I had to do!

How do you think fans of the franchise will react to Godzilla x Kong: The new empire? What can they look forward to most? I want them to enjoy the ride! You'll see things you've never seen before and meet some fantastic new creatures and characters, but also maybe some familiar fan favorites...

You also have the film "ABIGAIL" coming out in April. Can you tell us a little about filming and what audiences can expect? This is a completely different kind of thrill! Essentially, it's a vampire ballerina heist movie - you know the kind - directed by the Radio Silence guys, Tyler Gillett and Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, who specialize in a particularly wacky brand of horror-comedy that I love .

“CUCKOO” will also be released in the summer. What particularly interested you about this film? Tilman Singer, the director, is a truly exciting new voice in cinema - he has a very distinctive style that is so captivating and artfully disturbing. I was also very curious to work with Hunter Schafer, the lead actress of Cuckoo, who is such a bright and brilliant artistic soul.

Your career is so dynamic. How do you go about choosing a role? I crave variety, challenge and surprise, so I'm often guided by the search for those things, but it can also be a certain quality in the writing, a desire to work with certain directors or actors. It's different every time!