#like it’s nice and sometimes even motivating! the issue is generally more so when people are Asking when it’s going to drop or angling for

[campbyler]

hello! im a big acswy fan! this is not a question, i just wanted to thank you guys for making acswy mike wheeler be a one direction stan, a glasses-wearer, a book annotation enthusiast and a pin collector. representation matters and i am being represented!!!!!! he is me!! i am him!! we are one!!!! super excited for what's to come (this isn't pressure in any way shape or form, just thought i'd let y'all know im looking forward to the rest of our camp whiteman journey!!) 💙💛

you know, i was actually just talking to someone about this the other day but i think it’s so interesting that we gave both mike and will glasses in this fic (astigmatism4astigmatism so true to me) but we get so many more comments about people loving mike with glasses than we do will! i do know some aspects of mike’s characterization are more intertwined with the plot/more written in than will’s are (the zeldaisms, annotations, etc) but i can probably count on one hand the comments we’ve gotten about glasses wearer will LOL. maybe i should conduct an official study or something? i feel like that could be interesting data to collect. ANYWAYS, just thinking aloud there for a mo bc it reminded me and i have a hard time shutting up but THANK YOUUU and you are so welcome!! i think we have adequately represented ourselves in our mike and will and pretty equally as well (and also very bravely refrained from projecting when it wouldn’t feel right. even when we Reallyyyyy wanted to 😔) not to delve too much into the details of Everything but book annotator mike specifically is such a real and true hc to me!! i think his copies would just be so well loved and dog eared and scribbled in, except for maybe some special editions or gifts, etc. i just see him as someone who really enjoys and appreciates his things but without feeling the need to keep them perfectly preserved or pristine. and — this is very important, i don’t think it has officially come up here before —the lore behind the 1D part of his characterization is that mike is a happy victim of Guy With An Older Sister Syndrome and was exposed to their full discography when nancy was into them during their peak. i think the combination of the music being catchy and fun and all around good and enjoyable + the nostalgia of rare sibling bonding time would have really made it stick for him! (<- spoken as someone who spent years holding her younger sister hostage in the car and playing music for her. can guarantee it works)

[libraford]

I'm not bothered by the conversation so much as I am a growing approach to activism which makes it impossible to interact with other people. Which echoes a lot of that conversation I had with Ginger this week.

He refuses to have friends that are not faithful to Jesus. Like, he can have a productive conversation with a non-believer and nearly connect with them socially, but if he learns that they don't go to church or don't believe in christ, he finds it difficult to take them seriously because their words were not god-inspired.

Ginger was in a cult. I do not mean this colloquially- Xenos/Dwell is a prominent pseudo-christian cult in central Ohio that preys on college students in need of community. There are rules about who you can date, who you can hang with, they practice gay coversion therapy, and will tell you not to visit your family if they're not Christian.

There is a lot of focus on purity. Actions, thoughts, social groups- it's very controlling about what you can and cannot do.

So. When he goes out into the world with us sinners, it becomes difficult to interact with general society.

We were talking about Merve, one of our foremen, and I said: "the first time I was in a car with Merve, he introduced himself as a Democratic Catholic Pervert. And honestly- yeah that's a good summation."

Ginger didn't like that at all. "Well he's not a very good catholic with all that talk of pornography, he should be ashamed of himself- honestly shouldn't even call himself Christian."

Merve is very much a womanizer, but it's all talk. He's gross about it sometimes and it rubs me the wrong way, but in all fairness- he warned me. Outside of that, he's what I expected from a 60-something landscaper.

"Well, I think whether he's a good Christian or not is up to God, not us."

And he got a little pissy over that comment because I caught him judging.

He only hangs out with 'the faithful' at work, which consists of three guys who are religious in a similar way and it's caused a bit of a rift in the culture. It's gotten a little... preachy. It wasn't preachy before.

So I am making... parallels to this behavior and a particular strain of activism that's been affected by purity culture.

Nothing is ever good enough. If it touches racism, it's banned forever and you have to spread the word about how it's racist. Where doing things that are well-intended puts you in the spotlight for the underlying and actually bigoted reason you're doing a nice thing. And prevents you from doing the nice thing in the future.

Because yes you did a nice thing, but it wasn't enough- you could be doing more.

Yes you did a nice thing, but you did this nice thing instead of tackling this bigger issue.

Yes you did a nice thing, but it was through this program that you didn't know was funded somewhat unethically.

Yes you did a nice thing, but your motivation for doing it wasn't the goodness of your heart, it was motivated by guilt.

Yes you did a nice thing, but it took a horrible event to do it when you should have had the morals of goodness ingrained in you and you should have done this from the start.

Yes you did a nice thing, but you only did it when it started impacting your life and you should be thinking of others first.

Yes you did a nice thing but the nice thing doesn't align perfectly with my worldview.

The goalpost is forever moving backwards.

No one likes to be called 'racist.' It's a really easy weapon to use when something does something you don't like. If you look at anything closely enough, you will see it's racist roots. You could say the same for misogyny, homophobia. Our society is built on hatred and inequality. Untangling it and living a morally pure life free of ridicule is impossible.

Recognizing the roots of an action to be bigoted is the first step. The second step is knowing it when you see it. Step three is pointing it out.

But there are more steps.

Pointing it out, or calling it out, and chastising someone for ignoring or not knowing something actually isn't all that helpful. Because it leaves you to wonder- okay, now what? What can I do to remedy this situation?

Which is the next step- actionable items. Yes, I have done something wrong- I am sorry.

I am sorry. Now I will try to make it right.

I will try to make it right by donating, by volunteering time, by listening to the people who have been hurt and lifting their voices.

Part of healing from an oppressive Christian community is realizing that people are going to sin whether you like it or not. And barring harm to themselves and others, you're gonna have to let them.

If my tarot practice is derived from a 15th century racist, then it was derived for a 15th century racist. Refusing to participate in a past-time that helps me connect with my family doesn't make it not racist. It will still be racist. But I'm not sure who it's hurting in 2024 and I don't have a time machine and I'm not being given clear instructions for how to unracist it.

[imnotevenusin]

Explaining some placements in my Natal Chart

1. Taurus Mars: Honestly, I am kinda slow to taking action on most things. Usually, I don’t get that defensive, and I’m more comfortable with letting things slide; I don’t have enough energy for confrontation sometimes.

- squaring Neptune: Mars square Neptune is my worst aspect imo. This placement makes it hard for me to feel motivated; daydreaming is my go to, but I’m “working” on trying to knock down my goals in a realistic manner. I think this also makes my actions misconstrued by others - I always got in trouble and perceived as suspicious by others.

2. Mercury in Leo 11°: My laugh is contagious. A Leo Mercury gets attention from the way they communicate or laugh.

- opposing Neptune: Fucking terrible. All my words come out so wrong and jumbled together. An unhealthy amount of daydreaming too. I’ve always been a creative writer tho.

- conjunct Saturn: This one is annoying too. I do feel like my comments or opinions get ignored sometimes. And I gotta talk slowly to get the best sentences out. In general, Mercury-Saturn eventually makes you smart and well-educated; Saturn takes out what isn’t necessary and makes you think about something longer before you say it.

3. Aries Moon: I’ve definitely witnessed my Mom taking the leadership role in the household while growing up. She’s always wanted me to be more militant and confident. Even when I think something isn’t a big deal, she’ll take it very seriously. I’ve also heard of the Aries Moons having big foreheads-trend.

I think this is the most sensitive Moon sign, because the Moon is such a vulnerable planet and Aries feels everything so fast. Whenever I face emotional problems - or discomfort, I like to work out, or listen to loud music. Its like this weird energy rush.

3rd House Moon trine Mercury: Mind is racing constantly. I like to write out my feelings and thoughts to feel better. I can accurately analyze my emotional state. I’m a good student too—not so much with homework—and I can easily pay attention and participate in class.

-sextile Neptune: I can express my emotions through poetry and music. Neptune makes me a little more empathetic.

4. Libra MC: Throughout school, I’ve always been known for having nice outfits. My biggest aspirations involve artistic things: screenwriting & music.

5. Sun in Leo 29°/8H: Theres a lot of enjoyment in Astrology—which is also rules by the 8H—for me. In school, I had a list of everybody’s birthdays for some reason. I’m heavily interested in the subconscious mind and how it controls you—your behavior and how it affects the decisions you make. I’ve always been more interested in everything under the surface.

6. Saturn in Leo: I never really felt my Leo energy like that. I’m more reserved tbr. For some reason, I feel guilty and annoying for enjoying myself and simply being creative - even when it’s not bothering anybody.

7. Capricorn Rising: People usually tell me I look older than I am. I feel naturally awkward for some reason. Since the 1st House deals with the relationship we have with ourselves, it took me a while to get comfortable - Saturn rules Capricorn.

8. Chiron in the 1st House rX: Honestly, I never really put that much importance on my height, until other people started commenting on it. And there’s always unneeded comments on my appearance. Since its in Capricorn, I’ve had teeth problems growing up, and now I have braces.

9. Pluto in the 12th House rX: The 12th House is separated from everything and everybody. I’ve always been existential since an early age. There was always a fear of being separated from people. I do like to dig deep into my subconscious mind and figure myself out more; I’ve realized how powerful the subconscious mind was and why I was acting the way I was. Detaching from everything also seems to give me less burdens. Sleep Paralysis issues too.

10. Saturn in the 7H: Suckkkksssssss. Growing up, I was definitely the late-bloomer when it comes to relationships.

11. Uranus in the 2H sextile Ascendant: Definitely felt like an oddball growing up. I’m not the only person that listens to Rock, but I definitely got weird looks and reactions for enjoying it. I do get self-esteeem from being different, even if it alienates me. My appearance and interests surprises people.

12. Mars/Aries in the 4H: WWE matches in my household/family.

[utilitycaster]

I think this is the last I have to say about it, certainly not until new episodes air, but the thing about What The Fuck Is Up With That is that it's emblematic of the issues Bells Hells have - and to be honest I suspect always might have - regarding trust. It's a party game. It's a fun way to get surface-level answers. It's an infodump. It's telling not showing. It's not a bad thing, but you don't build trust, actually, by providing every piece of information! In fact, sometimes, it's good to keep your inside thoughts inside! You build trust with other people through your actions: through keeping your word, through proving your ability to do what they expect of you. Perhaps this is a personal experience and not a universal tenet, but people who share everything about themselves right away and people who end up being genuinely reliable and close and trustworthy are often two nearly entirely separate camps.

This also does once again feel like something with an interesting echo within the fandom. Earlier on in the campaign, before the introduction of 4-Sided Dive, I received a lot of questions about whether it would be helpful if we had something like Talks and my response was usually "no, the issue is that I know everything about the backstory and not actually much anyone's motivations; I have a factual list of personal history and I'm looking for a sense of someone's personality." This still comes up occasionally when I talk about Laudna, whose motivations remain hazy much of the time; we have a quite detailed outline of her history but it is missing the only things that actually matter. We know what. We don't know why. Bells Hells knows so much what about each other and they still struggle, even now, with "why".

And when it comes to why, telling people is nice, but it's very easy to lie about motivations. Indeed, that's why Imogen ends up fooled by her mother; she knows what Liliana did but assumed there was a deeper why than there ended up being; that Liliana wasn't simply seduced by the idea that Predathos would free her and Imogen from the burden of their powers but was also working as a force for good within the Vanguard and wouldn't hurt so many people. The revelation that the "why" really was that simple was ultimately why Imogen felt betrayed. Knowing more details about Liliana doesn't help.

Chetney ends up being the illustrative exception here, if that helps. He arrived late to the party. He never played What The Fuck Is Up With That. He even told them what he was there for (looking for Gurge) and lied about the "why" (werewolf reasons) initially. He to this day keeps secrets. But he's open about keeping secrets. That caginess allows him to be one of the party members most people trust on a fundamental level. They don't trust him to be kind, or generous per se; they don't even trust him to not hurt them. But they trust him to not hurt them intentionally, since he's repeatedly shown he will take steps to avoid this. He is cagey and uncooperative during most of the honesty exercise, but when he finally says something, it isn't a judgement - it is an explanation of his own behavior. When he declines to share his deal with Morri, he still reassures them that he did not do anything that would fall to them - and that's honest, and that's what matters, that he made a deal for himself and himself alone. Compare with Orym, who hides even the fact he made the deal, or Ashton a couple days ago, who hid their true plans with the shard. On the surface, Chetney is the one hiding something - but he is honest that he hides things. If Chetney's secret comes out? It won't change the party's understanding of his trustworthiness; it will just change some of the facts. If Orym's comes out or when Ashton's was revealed? That's a huge change in the party's understanding of their motivations.

Honesty in this party has been a game from the start, and as the exercises show, it still mostly is. A panopticon is, unsurprisingly, not a great way to make people trust each other; a little open hiding and actions over words are in order. I don't think that's necessarily a problem, in that I think Bells Hells share, if not a vast overreaching goal, an agreement regarding their pretty significant task. But I think any deeper trust is yet to be actually tested, tried, and forged.

[jacenotjason]

i am really happy that Tumblr does not show us follower counts

positive rant

when i was on Instagram, i could not stop comparing my follower count to all my friends. when i was on youtube primarily, i could not stop comparing my subscribers to my friends

it made me really competitive with everyone, even though they didnt know it, yknow? i thought that if i had more numbers it made me better than them

but idk when i moved to Tumblr as my main and noticed i couldnt see anyones followers it was really... freeing? it was really nice to just. post. and not care that so and so has more followers or so and so has less followers or whatever

i had a bad problem with jealousy when it came to art, like seeing people with better art made me super upset and motivated to get better. which yknow, its good to want to get better, but it sucked that my motivation was bc i wanted to be the best. i literally would start hating my fellow artists just because my brain said they were better

i still had that when i joined tumblr and i didnt shake it for a long time, but with the rise of AI generated images and shit like that, it gave me this... love for art. Any art. All art. With the mix of no numbers to compare, and this sudden love for anything artistic I stopped finding myself as jealous

i still want to improve my art all the time, sometimes i still have moments im not proud of what ive created and compare it to others but its not nearly as much.

is this dumb? idk i just really wanted to say it

tl;dr tumblr fixed my jealousy issues hehe

[cosmicjoke]

As a writer in the SNK fandom, how do you push through the discouragement from lack of engagement? No one comments on my works and it makes me really sad. At most, I’ll get one comment whenever I post something and it’ll be something like “Please update!!” People always say “write for yourself” and I do, but if I wanted to only write for myself, I wouldn’t bother posting my work. I had a work with 30+ chapters and whenever I posted, I would get hundreds of hits and no comments. I abandoned it because posting made me insecure and anxious. I write for other fandoms and don’t have this problem there, so I don’t think the issue is my writing.

Hey there!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about the lack of engagement you've been getting on your work. That really sucks, and I know first-hand what that's like. My own work doesn't get much traction at all, either, particularly in the SnK fandom, and I don't know why that is. Whether it's people simply being too lazy to comment, or too entitled, thinking they're owed someone's work and effort and shouldn't have to pay it back in any way, or if it's some weird insecurity on their part, not wanting to comment because they feel shy or something. But I have the same issue you do, and I'm certain it's got nothing to do with the quality of the writing itself, for either of us. Sometimes I think it's because I'm not writing what's "popular", i.e. Levi/reader fics, or Levi/Eren or whatever. I don't know. I feel like most people just want to read smut, but I'm not into that at all. I updated and/or posted three new chapters for my AoT fics over the last, couple days, and I've gotten a grand total of 2 comments, I think, lol. And whenever I post a chapter or a one-shot here on tumblr, I'm lucky if I get one or two likes, and I almost never get a single reblog. It's super discouraging, and I don't blame you at all for abandoning your own writing. I've felt very often like just quitting when nobody can be bothered to leave any sort of comment, or the most they can manage is a one word comment, or a demand for an update. Hardly anybody bothers to actually tell you what they liked about a story or a chapter that you've posted.

To be honest, it's not easy to continue on when you just aren't getting any feedback. As you said, if people that write fanfiction were just doing it for themselves, they wouldn't bother publishing it online. Fandom thrives off of engagement and interaction. You'll get people whining about a fandom dying out, but then they don't lift a finger to try and keep it alive. I understand not always having the time to leave a comment on something, but once in a while would be nice. If someone is interested enough in your story to click on it, assuming they enjoy it, they should make the effort to let you know.

Mainly, I end up motivating myself just through my own passion for the source material and/or character I'm writing for. It's the same with my analyses posts. I get very little engagement, most of the time, with those, and I work pretty hard on them, too. But I keep writing them because, ultimately, I care about the media I'm analyzing and want to work out my thoughts and feelings about it. It's nice if somebody interacts with the posts, but generally, I don't expect it anymore.

It's harder with fiction, though, because while analyses posts can be seen as something more academic in nature, fiction is a form of entertainment, and so you assume people are reading it to enjoy themselves. Well, if they're enjoying it, then they should let the creator know they are.

Anyway, I feel like I'm not giving you a very good answer here. Basically, the way I keep writing, even when I don't get any engagement, is just by being interested in the source material and characters myself. So if I'm writing a story about Levi, at the end of the day, it's because I personally love his character and find enjoyment in writing for him, creating different scenarios to put him in and bringing them to life, etc... But again, it's not easy. I can't tell you how often I just want to quit. Some days, I think I will entirely. Art is meant to be shared with other people. If nobody wants to read your work, or isn't willing to let you know that they're reading and enjoying your work, then it's basically the same as telling a creator that they shouldn't bother. There's a certain level of responsibility, I feel like, from readers. They should, at a certain point, feel beholden to leave a comment if they're enjoying your work and regularly engaging with it. It's the least they could do. It takes a lot of work to write fanfiction, and nobody is getting paid to write it. The payment is when people actually tell you what they think.

[delurkr]

I'M SORRY FOR SENDING U SO MANY ASKS

i'm planning on writing daniel and angela from little hope and i was wondering if u could maybe describe their personalities because i struggle at doing that . . . *sits in chair* of course if u don't wanna do it that's fine !

NICE so hm ok.

One thing I believe with Angela is that she's always been naturally sharp in speech and quick-witted, but now she leans even harder into being very outspoken with her criticism because she felt stifled for so long during her marriage. She's just very done with pussyfooting around people's feelings, especially with people she doesn't respect, although when someone is actually being vulnerable with her she'll drop the prickliness (like when she listens and is encouraging when Andrew talks about himself).

Relatedly, I believe she's also people-smart but not likely to update her opinions about others very often. One of her main traits is Understanding, which I think primarily applies in the sense that she is perceptive, but also it's not wrong in the sense that she'll sometimes demonstrate understanding towards people (under the right circumstances like I said). She isn't always right about people's motives though, since she's biased to more or less think the worst of people.

She can be dramatic about minor things, which would kind of seem to contrast with her self-sufficient been-through-the-trenches old war dog persona that she pushes, but I think sometimes the overreacting about things like her shoes in the middle of a bad situation is part of the persona in a way, almost like she's carrying on as usual because she's so unfazed by the big things, if that makes sense. I see the drama as also being a deflection, because while she's happy to remind everyone that she's survived hardship she also doesn't tend to want to open up about the degree to which she's actually affected by it.

Lastly on her, I'll say that she has firm opinions on what's right and what's not (in the moral sense as well as just her personal preference) and that she tends to be an outspoken observer as opposed to wanting to get in the mix and actually change things, but she's driven to get things done when she sees a need for it.

Daniel is quick to react, doesn't put a lot of thought into what he does before doing it, and, I would say, isn't too self-conscious most of the time. He's not one to read between the lines on probably anything, so if he's feeling particularly insecure he'll question if he's a problem in whatever way is relevant in a given situation, but otherwise he'll probably be coasting clueless about any issues deeper than what he sees on the surface. I feel like more subconsciously he absorbs tension and gives out what he gets in most of his dynamics though, which plays into his Defensive trait which I'll get to.

He can be quite broody, and I'd say he's the one most likely to have mood swings, for which more often than not he'll be able to tell the reason why. Not because he's introspective (he's not), but he just doesn't really hold back on his emotions as soon as he feels them. He spends more time being generally even-keeled though because he's also pretty easy going (and therefore I believe easily underestimated, in-universe by Taylor specifically when she's toying with him in a negative arc, but also by players who think his character is bland). Other people being aggravating seems to roll off him without him holding anything against them, and it's specifically when things involve Taylor when he gets more upset, and also when he can't understand why people are doing the bad things they do, because he's very kind-hearted and doesn't like to see suffering.

His Defensive trait is interesting, because he can be quick to match people's energy and clap back when someone pushes him too far, but he kind of wears his heart on his sleeve anyway so I don't believe it's accurate to say he actually maintains a tough exterior. The other sense of the word is that he's defensive about what he sees as his, property and especially people and especially Taylor. (It's when Angela makes digs at Taylor that he gets upset with Angela, otherwise she doesn't really irritate him.) And he's sensitive to injustice and reacts to it reflexively, like he's often picking (and switching) sides to defend whoever he sees as the injured party during the game.

Relatedly I think there's a sense in which he often feels responsible for others and takes that seriously. He likes to lean into the "knight in shining armor" role (particularly with Angela and Taylor) whether or not anyone asked for it. He's pretty idealistic and likes something to fight for and measure up to, and unless he's down in the dumps himself, in which case he's not unlikely to drag others down with him, he's generally trying to bolster the others up and smooth things over. I don't believe he's mature enough to be good at it though, (link to previous statements about him matching tension), but he gets frustrated when his efforts aren't appreciated because he's probably doing all he knows to do. Last note that he's not naturally out to reinvent traditional things like gender roles in regards to his own behavior, which sometimes works in his favor and sometimes doesn't.

Those are some things that came to mind and as usual anyone is free to add on or explain why I'm wrong lol, but I hope there's something that helps ❤️

[the-hungdeli-hermit]

finally wrote up a somewhat proper explanation as to why Roulette doesn’t like Chai at the start of her rather tumultuous journey. I don’t know if this can be considered a long read post but here’s your warning. Oh, and you can scroll down for some lineart pieces (really proud of those two) and another mention of a NIN album.

because we love NIN in this house

At first glance it might seem like Roulette hates Chai’s guts to an unimaginable degree, but “hate” is too strong of a word here, even in her own opinion. Yes, she does find him rather annoying, arrogant, idiotic in his antics and just in general the biggest dumbass she’s ever laid her eyes on. At the same time, she knows it’s rather pointless to be as nasty as she is to him at times, yet she feels as though she can’t stop now, like she has to be mean to him. Acting all nice and calm towards him after everything she’s said to him would be like admitting some so sort of defeat to herself.

(And she’s can be a stubborn bitch sometimes, even when she knows how she’s acting towards him is incredibly mean and stupid (her first meeting with him basically clouds her judgment; the reason for initially disliking him is really petty, a spur of a moment situation))

The issue runs deeper than that though. Ru is angry with Chai not just because he feels like a caricature of every lazy loser who thinks they’re the hottest shit out there, but because she is extremely envious of him, both his character and position. Seemingly a nobody from God knows where gets a prosthetic for garbage collection and then becomes an ambassador for one of the departments of a multibillion tech company just… because? A literal college-dropout, a slacker who doesn’t take his job seriously and just seems to leech off of the company he works for? And people even like him?!

Is it really because of his positive attitude? His stupid smile? Or… is he just that charming and lovable compared to her? It seems as though everything comes to him easily, without him even trying, that he is just that incredibly lucky.

Of course, Ru doesn’t knows his situation, what he’s been through to get to this point in time and who he had to face. Heck, we don’t even know what his past was like, but we can only assume that it wasn’t that great. She thinks her comments don’t really affect him much, that he brushes them off with ease and just goes about his life being all “rockstar” or something. 

And he does, but some of them just hit way too close to home without even meaning too.

She dreamt big too, you know? Big dreams of her own, that she couldn’t fulfil due to her life circumstances. And here he is, a reminder that more often than not, hard work is not enough. Just one lucky moment can be enough change your life completely, and her hard work couldn’t compare to that. 

At least she got lucky this time, getting accepted into Vandelay Tech as a mere HR-assistant. She thought she could change her life around completely, start fresh in a new and unfamiliar environment.

And she did, but wherever you go, you’ll always have yourself, right? And you can’t really outrun your own problems like that. It might give you more motivation to work on yourself, but in the end… who is to say that it’ll actually help you?

Their relationship will improve eventually, but only after someone will be saved once and at least one attempted murder/voluntary manslaughter? Hard to tell 

Also LISTEN TO «With Teeth» BY NINE INCH NAILS IT LITERALLY DESCRIBES HER CURRENT STATE AND FEELINGS. YOU CAN JUST READ THE TITLES OF THE SONGS AND ALREADY GET A GOOD PICTURE

Actually JUST LISTEN TO NINE INCH NAILS IN GENERAL. And I’m not just talking The Downward Spiral or Pretty Hate Machine (both are wonderful, of course), but listen to other works too.

And now, the little art pieces:

Still experimenting with style and how to draw Roulette. The last post with her was leaning more into being somewhat realistic, while this one is just… cute. Which I really like! And of course, the second is more of an experiment with lineart. Still love my Sakura Pigma Micron pens to death, they just hit different. The scratchy look turned out lovely on the second piece.

oh yeah, and these two are the same person

[yelenasdiary]

Hey, I know I’m new here and I haven’t sent an ask here yet but I just had to get my little dig in at anon and anyone who has an issue with what you write.

So, anon. Do you genuinely believe that this is how the world works? Do you really think that by shitting on people who work hard on these creative projects and are kind and generous enough to share them with us, do you think that being awful to them is how you get more of what you want?

Because it’s not. As an avid reader but also a writer myself, seeing that shit does absolutely nothing but destroy our motivation to create. Which in turn means you get NOTHING! When all you do is bitch and moan and complain, you get NOTHING!!!

So, and I mean this genuinely, go home and go fucking cry about it to your pillow cause it’s the only thing that’s gonna listen to your whining.

If you really, truly want to see something done, either get off your ass and write it yourself or pull out your wallet and be prepared to pay for it while giving a nice and respectful message to the writer you’re paying.

Rule number 1 in asking for shit: DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TEDTalk. Your bs is NOT appreciated!

And to you, dear fellow author, keep up the amazing work and remember to take a break and drink some water every now and then! I genuinely enjoy your writing and simply can’t wait for October!! Much love!!!!

I really don’t like to explain just how much time I spend on this blog because at the end of the day, that’s my choice but I will say that some of the fics for October Special took me more than a day to write!

I’m pretty sure from memory that 12 out of 13 of those fics are over 1K words & I know for some that’s easy to accomplish & I know for others, it can take some time. For me, some of these fics took me a little longer than I expected. I spent my 2 week break from my graphic design course to get through these requests so that I could not only give content but also be apart of something fun and exciting.

I’m still really excited to post these, some of them are in my list of favourite fics I’ve written & that makes me so much more excited to share them.

Unfortunately when I was putting together the Masterlist I had a background thought of “oh man, this isn’t going to be that great” & that was simply because I knew that there was that lack of Wanda & Natasha content. They’re popular and gain more audience but I also kept telling myself that I wanted to give something a little different, which is why there’s more Yelena & Kate than others. Not to mention the Agatha fic I wrote that I’m keen for people to read.

I know I’ll never be able to keep everybody happy, I wish I could but I can’t and I’m sorry for that. But I really do hope people start to understand that creating literally anything isn’t easy, it takes time, practice and patience!!

I love you all who have shown kindness and support, even when I feel that I am at the end of the cliff and want to just delete my blog (dw I’ll never delete, but it’s a thought that I have sometimes). You guys make me happy and for that I’m so thankful ❤️💜

*not sure if your name is Rachel but if it is, hiii we are name twins haha!*

[reddragon-cowboy]

Niah has two animal companions she befriended during the early days of her awakening.

A dove named Peaches. This little bean met Niah when she came out one day to feed the birds at the feeder. While amongst a flock of other birds as they fed on seeds, this dove eventually became comfortable in the company of Niah the more she came out to feed them, even getting used to her voice as Niah talked to them about her thoughts. Wild Doves typically lean on the shy side of interacting with humans, but Peaches so happened to once have an owner which made her easily more accustomed to a human presence. Overall, she remembers the loving touch and care of her old owner and often finds herself in the young women's shadow. She likes being held and affectionate with Niah.

A raven named Midnight escaped from a similar facility as Ein where they conducted illegal experiments and tests on a variety of animals. It's been a couple of year since he's been released from the labs, in the meantime, his intellect and knowledge only continue to increase as he studies humankind and delve in the web; it's safe to assume he's a Data Raven whose perception and mental capabilities rests on the same wavelength as Ein, maybe even moreso, that is if the opportunity to conduct more tests were possible if he never escaped.

Midnight is a bit wary of people in general due to his uncanny ability to detect a person's intentions/motives and doesn't have an issue with letting others know he don't like them. He resides in the neighborhood where Niah lives where he got a chance to watch her closely ( as he does with other humans who moves in the area ). Noticing her feed the local wildlife gave him a positive impression at the least, and he joined in on the flock to be fed sometimes and listened to the thoughts she'd express in her lonesome moods. He comes to develop a nice relationship with her overtime. Also, as with most Ravens, he's capable of human speech to a small degree.

[frostfall-matches]

[ matchmaking... ]

@fandomclutterr​ : [ match report ready ]

your match is…

✦ Ashe Ubert

You’re a bit more talkative and blunt compared to Ashe. He likes that you often have something to say, whether it’s important or silly. He likes being around people who are easygoing and funny, though he’s not really the type to banter back and forth. It’s still nice to be around someone happy and pleasant! He’s a pretty good conversationalist, too, even if he isn’t the most chatty! He listens well, and he tends to think about what he says before he says it. He likes to be active and attentive in conversation. He also appreciates your honesty and the fact that you don’t beat around the bush! He gets uncomfortable with all of this subtle and implicit communication that is seen so often in the noble houses, so it’s really nice when he can approach people frankly and earnestly without it being an issue.

He generally fits what you look for in a person. He is a very good listener while also being a pretty good conversation partner; he’s calm and level-headed; he likes being open, honest, and vulnerable with his partner. He wants to include his partner in his life, so you won’t have to worry about him being too mysterious and unwilling to tell you what’s going on. On the other hand, sometimes he might not know exactly what he wants - or at least how to achieve it. For example, he knows that he wants to be a knight, that’s his big motivator, but he doesn’t know what that will look like in the future especially as he has to confront Lonato’s situation and the war later on. He knows that he can become a different person and his circumstances can change, so he’s always going to have a number of “what ifs” on his mind.

You like calm, relaxed, indoor dates? That works well enough for Ashe! He would have a great time having reading or cooking dates with you (definitely among his favorite types of relaxing dates - it is so nice being able to cook or bake something with you and then have a little dinner date). He’d even be up for something artsy, depending on what you guys have access to that day. He doesn’t think himself an artist, but there’s something fun about making stuff with your partner. He would really want to bring you into town here and there if you were up for it, though. He likes having that change of pace. He’d like getting out into town to go out shopping, get something to eat, or just get a change of scenery.

Ashe would be interested in your dabbling in medicines and poisons. He’s interested in herbology and has a good head for that kind of knowledge, so he could be a helpful resource to turn to if you needed to bounce ideas off of someone or ask for advice. Still, despite his own knowledge of plants and their properties, he’d be curious to know how you prepare each plant for various purposes. He doesn’t know everything, after all, and he’d think it’d be ridiculous if he acted like he did. He’s a good student, though! He’ll definitely take notes and would be willing to help you out here and there if you wanted an assistant for the day.

With your interest in archery, the two of you would be good partners for practice. If you two have slightly different styles, it’s a good opportunity to exchange tips and tricks to see if you might find something that works more efficiently. However, practice isn’t always studious and serious. Ashe isn’t above a little competition here and there, so it isn’t uncommon for you two to set up little challenges to see who can hit the most targets or who has the coolest trick shot. Loser is stuck preparing your after-practice dessert or tea! (but honestly, Ashe would still help you get things ready even if he won).

Poor Ashe is easy to scare, so your ability to be unintentionally stealthy would accidentally spook him quite often. The first time it happened, he was absorbed in a book in the library and didn’t notice you coming up beside him until you suddenly tapped his shoulder. He practically jumped out of his skin! But he didn’t think much of it at the time, figuring he was just that into reading at the moment that he wouldn’t have noticed anyone coming up to him unless they were making a ruckus. However, he quickly notices how often he seems to get startled by you when he’s doing just about anything. He begs you to announce yourself if he’s cooking in the kitchen - after an incident where you both got burned by some hot soup, he really does not want a repeat of that event.

His cheeks turn so red sometimes when you’re physically affectionate with him. He gets really shy if he wasn’t expecting a sudden kiss on the cheek, or you give him a tight hug out in public. He won’t ever turn your affection away, though! In private, sometimes he gets really overwhelmed with how loved you make him feel. For him, it’s clear as day that you love him when you’re physically affectionate with him. As for him, he definitely leans towards acts of service as a love language. It doesn’t matter if your day is filled with a million things to do or just a couple, he is more than willing to help make your day run that much smoother by helping you out.

Your forgetfulness wouldn’t really bother Ashe, thankfully. Sometimes, he’d even find it kind of funny - he finds your shocked expression cute when you suddenly remember something you had to do. He’s pretty on top of things, and he doesn’t mind reminding you of tasks or information! But he does get a bit exasperated if you forget that you have an exam or a big assignment coming up, because that just means that you haven’t been studying and you now need to cram. Yes, he’d help you study or at least make sure you have something to snack on and get to bed at a reasonable time, but he sure wishes you’d make things a little easier for yourself!

[trashlie]

hey it's the same anon as last time ^^ i'll try to stop by your inbox more often when i have the time and some thoughts to share. discussing these things is fun and you make such great points about the characters and the story. i'll be signing these asks with lil anon (like lil buddy 😼) so you know it's me. and good to hear! i hope you continue to get better 🥰

i get why you're invested in kousuke's story. he is, objectively, a really interesting character. it's unfortunate that people disregard him, bc understanding him is a key part of understanding the story. and understanding him doesn't necessarily mean having sympathy/empathy for him. like on a personal level i can't stand him and want to smack him with a broom lmao but as a reader/observer it's interesting to try and understand his motivations/actions, if that makes sense 🤞

oh yeah you're completely right about kou getting worse as the story progresses. his recent development has felt like watching a car crash in slow motion - tragic, but fascinating and you can't look away. if ily was a less interesting story, a character like kousuke (typical rich asshole with some redeeming qualities) would have had significant growth by now. but that would be such a cliché, right?

and sometimes i do wonder if kousuke is doomed by the narrative, or if he eventually will be able to break free from... himself, essentially. the thing is, kousuke's is trapped. in order to grow and change, he needs to separate himself from the hiraharas/this fake reality that's been constructed from him, and see his situation from a different perspective. but in order to even want to change, he needs to grow as a character first. which he cannot do as long as he's involved with the family. it's like a snake eating its own tail. nothing/no one has been able to get through to him yet, so i guess there needs to be an outside force (maybe a revelation) that breaks him out of this cycle, shatters the very foundation of his fake reality, or maybe removes his safety net. and i really wonder what's that going to be. like... even though christmas is coming up in the ily universe, i doubt he'll be visited by the ghosts of the present, past, and yet to come and then all of a sudden he's a gentler, kinder man the next day lmaooo idk what do you think it'll be that's going to push him towards (positive) change? i think it's undeniable that kousuke needs to crash and burn first, and then maybe he can build himself up from the ground. i really do hope that's what's going to happen eventually! he is (mostly) a victim of his upbringing/environment, so it'd be nice to see him make steps towards growth/healing/being his own person. either way we're still so far from anything like this happening so who knows.

re: nol and fear - wow i didn't make the connection that nol is also driven by his fears, but you're absolutely right. i saw him as someone mostly controlled by self-loathing/self-destructiveness/low self-esteem, but these feelings are ultimately rooted in his fears. thanks for pointing that out. such an interesting parallel between the brothers.

all the ways the brothers are two completely different people with similar issues are endlessly fascinating to me (i just love me a complex siblings dynamic). you mentioned that neither of them have that family relationship with their parents at this point, and i agree. however, i think it's important to keep in mind that a key factor in nol and kousuke being such different people are that their early days were completely different.

nol had a very loving mother who shaped him during his most critical years of development (ages 0 to 5). and i actually believe nol got his best qualities (kind, caring, generous, brave, funny, etc) and morals from nessa, not rand. also, the hiraharas hadn't poisoned him yet. the layers of pain and trauma came later. on the other hand, kousuke received a completely different version of care and was taught a number of really negative traits - that his wealth and name make him better than other people, that his family doesn't function like others do and that that's normal, that he shouldn't feel guilty taking advantage of people and situations, that he deserves to have everything he wants, that his sole purpose is to inherit the company, and - as you said - that love as a reward, rather than something he's inherently deserving of. no wonder nol was/is such a threat to him - he's competition, and there can only be one winner. how can this boy, a 'mistake', have received this "reward" (=rand's love (nol hasn't actually received it but kousuke thinks he did)) so easily, when he didn't do anything to deserve it? that can only mean that nol is better, that kousuke is in his shadow, somehow inferior. and that just contradicts kousuke's entire worldview. idk it's just. much to think about.

oh wow i wrote so much, sorry about that. btw feel free to copypaste this in a separate post under a cut so it doesn't take up too much space if you feel like it, i wouldn't mind! have a good weekend 💗 - lil anon

Lil' Anon, I love it, perfect! Hehe!!!

You are SO right about Kousuke, too, in that you don't have to love a character to enjoy them. In-verse I would not get along with Kousuke or even want anything to do with him lol. He frustrates me a LOT - but right, you can understand WHY a character is frustrating. You can become invested while knowing you would absolutely fight them lol. The thing about compelling characters is that, for the most part, they are the drivers of plot and story and if they aren't a character worth investing in, you run the risk of caricatures of antagonists, villains who fall flat and cartoonish. ILY certainly borrows from the truth that everyone is going through something, no matter who they are. That doesn't always validate what they do, but as far as a story and PLOT goes, it makes everything far more interesting. That's the main thing I want people to come away with, not just as far as ILY goes but media in general. Because it's fiction, there is no harm in enjoying an antagonist. Your plot and story wouldn't be as enjoyable if they WEREN'T compelling or intriguing. When I say Kou has become a character I'm very invested in, it doesn't mean I approve of the things he does. In fact, I root for him BECAUSE I want to see him grow, because I want to see if he ever takes the reigns on his life and comes to much-needed realizations.

Because you are right - there is a big chance that Kousuke IS doomed by the narrative. I've talked about this re: Alyssa before, too, in that just as in real life, there's a chance he may never come to the terms he needs to. He may never find his way out of his safety spots, may never try to leave what is safe and secure. That's what's so important about acknowledging how fear drives him - if he cannot overcome that fear of being uncomfortable, of facing disappointment, of being outside what he finds safe and secure, then he really can't make the changes he needs to. He won't have the opportunity to see himself in a way that might give him the perspective he needs. In general, growth requires courage. If we want to grow, we have to face scenarios that bring us discomfort, that maybe make us fall apart, in order for us to learn just how much we can take, just how much we can overcome. But Kousuke has never really been in that kind of position. He's had everything handed to him, whether or not he wants it to be.

I really like the analogy that it's like a snake eating its own tail; I think that really sums up the vicious cycle and why we've not seen him wake up to reality, why things seem to go in one ear and out the other.

Over on reddit I've been talking to someone a lot about Kousuke, too, and a thought we share is that not only does Kousuke need that crash and burn - I think everyone is in agreement about that! - but maybe something that can be a wake up call for him is his career. They made some really great points, too, I'll link to their response here, but we know that Kousuke isn't truly happy in his life and career. To him, we endure uncomfortable situations, or one's that aren't fun because that's life. We don't live in an ideal world, we have to do whatever we can to get by. But Kousuke literally could have his pick of anything in the world, couldn't he? At some point, when does he realize he's unfulfilled? The whole purpose of his career trajectory was to earn Rand's affection. At what point does he realize it isn't going to happen - if he's not already at that realization? At what point does the empty, hollowness set in? When does he realize he doesn't feel fulfilled because none of this was for HIM, this doesn't mean anything to him without Rand acknowledging him? And suppose he does get that acknowledgement. Then what? The quest is over, there's no higher goals, nothing more to achieve. Oh, sure, he can go on to be the CEO as he was born to. But would it MEAN anything to him?

I'm thinking - or hoping? - that this might be the kind of thing that gives him the wake up call. That there is no point in his life that brings him joy - except maybe eating sweets lol. But that can only be a catalyst. You're right in that a big need is for him to get away from his family, for him to exist outside of their reach, to lose that safety net.

I have a couple thoughts in this regard. Whatever Yujing is working on - likely an expose - syncs up with Shinae's graduation and Nol's release from prison. It clearly has to do with the Hiraharas - and this means Kousuke, as well. When she found out Nol had pleaded guilty, she'd been looking at an old article about Nol attacking Kousuke, which we've seen may not be what we thought it was at all, that perhaps it was Kousuke who attacked and Yui blamed Nol. There's also that incident Kousuke is so DESPERATE to hide, something Yujing knows about. It seems likely that this expose, this piece, is something that could taint the Hirahara name. Even if Kousuke was not involved in other aspects, this would end up affecting him, because a major part of his identity is that he is the Heir, so what happens if his identity is that he's the Heir of a dirty family? If it becomes known that he is not the ideal gentleman bachelor he's been made out to be? Is that enough to make him step back and see his family - especially his safety net Yui - in a new light?

There's also my favorite crack theory, that Kousuke is not Rand's son. Now, again, I don't necessarily think I believe in this as much as I enjoy exploring it, but there's been a number of little moments that feel like they could be foreshadowing - or red herrings lol. Suppose it was true, Rand isn't actually Kousuke's father. Aside from the fact that he's spent his whole life trying to earn love from this man, I think it would also be detrimental in that he'd finally have to face the unsavory parts of Yui that he tries to ignore or deny. The one pillar in his life having lied to him and egged him on to chase after this pipedream, reassured him that if he's good enough, he'd be acknowledged. Wouldn't that shatter him? Again, I'm not so sure if this is likely - it kind of feels overdramatic, but then again, the deeper we delve into the story, the more those kinds of dramatics start to feel normal.

At any rate, yes, I think he needs a wake up call that will make him see his family for what they are, make him see himself in a different light. And that's just the beginning! I really look forward to our big timeskip to see where we find Kousuke, if he's yet in a place where he can start making these changes to himself, if he's got a security network to push him to make those changes (and if he cares enough to do it lol).

Also yes, yes, very good points about Nol! Nol and Kousuke are definitely foils in that Nol had the kind of nurturing, affectionate childhood that Kousuke lacked. We've seen instances of Nol surrounded by peers his own age and we might be able to assume that, aside from being teased for having such a long name, maybe he actually got along with them? But also, because of the teasing incident, Nol had that safe space in his mother - Nessa comforted him and gave him a nickname to make up for the teasing. We've never once see Kousuke receive such affection, and I just always think about that little flashback where he's in the bush watching Nessa dote on Nol and then Yui appears before him without eyes. It's such a cold relationship, it doesn't feel like it was nurturing. She goes through the motions of being a mother, certainly, but that's the thing - the difference between mother and mom. Nol had a mom, Kousuke had a mother. And we can see that even when Nol was driven by fear, even when he was trying to distance himself, he couldn't help but indulge in those traits his mother passed on to him. He started to care about the friendships that weren't supposed to matter because he's such an empathetic person. He understands loneliness so well, how could he help but reach out to people he thought needed help? But Kousuke never developed those kinds of skills or traits. How is he meant to empathize with or understand people he was literally raised to see himself apart from. They're not like him, they are Other. Literally a formative foundation of the way he views the world!

Light and shadow plays such a role in the ILY universe. Nol is literally in the shadows, but Kousuke thinks that its him who is in the shadow cast by Nol, that he cannot let Nol shine, lest it drown out his own light. I think that really sums up the root of their relationship and their issues: Nol didn't so much want to shine as much as just share that spot with Kousuke. I think at some point he gave up trying to earn Rand's favor and instead sought out Kousuke who was in the same boat as him. But Kousuke thinks only one of them can be in the light and if it's not him, that means it's Nol - Nol who is so undeserving who hasn't put in the same effort as him. Isn't that funny? Kousuke literally was born into privilege, knows he is afforded things most others never will be, knows that he has things others could work for their whole lives and never possess. But he thinks it's Nol who has earned something without making any effort. The irony of it, man.

Don't feel bad about how much you wrote hehehe! I.... also cannot hold back when it comes to anything ILY so I'm delighted to receive equally long messages haha! Looking forward to more fun conversation with you, Lil Anon! And thank you for the well wishes! I'm going to try to make myself do more painting today! Fingers crossed (I am not doing the best job at taking care of myself this week lol I'm hoping some painting will help!)

[megafreak400]

2024 Media Thread - #49

Loco Motive (12/25/24) -  Score - 9/10

A lot of indie games have attempted to be homages of beloved classic video games. This can sometimes lead to mixed results. When you’re trying to capture the spirit of something people already love, it’s really easy to fall into the trap of just copying what the original game did. Or creating a game that captures the physical properties of the game, but not the spirit. Ultimately the ideal is to create a game that feels like it could have come out at the time and shares the same vibe, but also doesn’t constantly draw comparisons to the original. Your game should still stand on its own even when you’re drawing from the past. Loco Motive (incredible name also) accomplishes this with flying colors. Granted I never really grew up or played many of the classic LucasArts point and click adventures, so maybe it flies closer to the sun than I realize. At the very least though it doesn’t feel like a game that relies on call backs to its inspiration to impress its players. I found the game’s humor and artstyle charming and hilarious without ever feeling that the game was trying to invoke feelings of another work. Its humor feels in line with many games and shows of the late 90s, so if that sounds like it’s your kind of thing you absolutely want to check this game out. The dialogue in general is really the star of the show with this game. All of the lines are voice acted. This adds so much to the characters in this world, with excellent performances all around. That’s really the thing this game is all about the characters. Yes there is a mystery to solve and a story to follow. But the mystery isn’t too complex and the story is fairly simple and more used as a vehicle (like a train) for the characters to steal the show. From a dorky paperwork loving state attorney, an author/detective with the best name of all time, a tax agent who's a literal secret agent, and many many more. With plenty of optional dialogue choices for max hilarity, the game will keep you engaged over its average run time. My only slight issue with the game is that while it’s overall paced fairly well, it does feel like the ending is just a little rushed. Not in a way that ruins the game, it just is a bit surprising how fast the game jumps to the end game. Most of the gameplay revolves around collecting items, talking to people and then using or combining items to solve puzzles and further the plot. This is all classic point and click stuff, and like a lot of those games there are times where the solution is fairly obtuse. Luckily, the game does have a built-in hint system that can help nudge you in the right direction. And unlike some games you don’t have to redo stuff if you fail (I’M LOOKING AT YOU ZACK AND WIKI.) I’m glad the game includes plenty of red herrings as well for the items. Again, some of the puzzles are obtuse but it’s also nice that they’re not straight forward going through the motions affairs. Overall, anything else I can say about this game would spoil it. If you love quirky point and click games (especially Monkey Island,) you need to play this game. It may not change your life, but it will put a smile on your face. With its top notch presentation, voice acting and writing, the 90’s point and click adventure feels like it’s truly alive again.

[bookishlifeofal]

book #47: The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle)

I planned on doing book reviews and use this blog extensively, but for days I've been doing nothing. Then just today I recognized how nice it would be to see reviews of things I read five or ten years into the future, when I will have read much, much more and will know better than I do now. And then I can pride myself with how far I've come and all...motivational stuff, you know.

First: Why did I read the book?

I saw it on the desk of a friend and in its German translation (Is it a translation? Does Tolle write in German?) I saw it when visiting a relative. Since both people seem to be more spiritually connected, somehow more enlightened and serene (they might just NOT have an anxiety disorder) and I desperately searched for something to save me from my panic attacks and my depressing evenings, I picked it up (more like I found it online for free and didn't hesitate). I expected it to calm me down or give me some kind of help (help that the German health system does not give me right now, for some reason).

Second: self-help stereotypes

I recognize that my expectation might have been a bit high for a book written by a person now making lots and lots of money just selling self-help things (Have you visited Tolle's website?). I am generally a bit wary when it comes to popular self-help books exactly due to this reason: the money-making off of people's struggles. I also feared another thing, which is the rampant individualisation of mental health issues. YOU have to fix what is wrong with YOU, while not even critizing the system (capitalism!) that lies at the foot of these problems.

Tolle's book is no exception to this and it really pissed me off. His methods for spritual enlightenment are inherently very isolating and individualist (and sadly fit right into times where loneliness spreads around like the plague).

Third: gender essentialism and "gay people exist.." + sexism

He is sooooo gender essentialist and the book in general really perpetuates heteronormativity (he proclaims wanting to change the world. Who can change the world for the better without dismantling gender as it exists today?).

example 1: "You are either a man or a woman, which is to say, one-half of the whole." (p.191)

example 2: "Would a women still feel incomplete without a man? ... Enlightened or not, you are either a man or a woman, so on the level of your form identity you are not complete." (p.211)

example 3: "This incompleteness is felt as male-female attraction." (p.211)

He does save himself by mentioning gay people for about two pages and proclaiming that because of their exclusion from society, they're closer to enlightenment. I mean thank you....?

Later on, this gender essentialist thingy he got going on also moves into a kind of weird stereotypical reduction, where he says that women are closer to enlightenment than men (positive sexism?) and then stumbles into a whole rant about how women need to be careful when they're menstruating, because their pain body wants them to not continue on the path of enlightenment (the Now). Even crazier: he states that women's pain body is greater than men's (that's still an okayish claim, but wait), whereas men's mind is stronger. Both the pain body and the mind are obstacles for the Now.

Let's take a closer look on what he claims here indirectly: the pain-body is essentially emotions, brought about by pain experienced in life. He is saying here that women are more emotional than men and wants to kind of form that into a weird positive thing by claiming that it brings women closer to the Now. Wtf?

fourth: the rest

I think that the rest of the book is a lot of repetition. A lot of talk, with great words and all. If you like that, then this is your book.

fifth: the positive

I sometimes found reading the book quite calming and could apply some of its methods directly (concentrating on the Now and realizing that you are a part of the flow of life and meditating on that knowledge). Especially the first part (up until page 100-150) was great. And it felt like I was doing something for my mental health (except the gender essentialism, this part actively felt as if I was spitting myself in the face). And the reading in itself is pretty easy, so if you're looking to heighten your StoryGraph non-fiction count easily (this sentence is not based on my wishes and wants), then this book is for you.

3/5 (only because I hate giving authors less than 3 points)

[medicinemane]

Hmm... I don't really feel like pointing to the specific mod dev I'm talking about here, and so I'm going to kinda go wide with what they're saying and address something more general, but it's like this...

They keep insisting that people being frustrated by the difficulty of certain things in their mod is these people being overly competitive and not wanting to be outshown by others, and you can hear in their voice that this is their actual conviction

It's just... I have a much simpler explanation

Some people don't play games for a challenge, they play games for control and to be able to get a win

Like when life is tough and shit outside your control is going wrong (like say the economy), sometimes you just want shit to go right in a game. You want to just be able to mindlessly plow through some stuff and wrack up a few wins, have a sense of control in your uncontrollable life

People just have this real issue of failing to be able to consider that others might have different reasons for doing something than they do

Some people play games for a challenge, some people play games for control, some people play games to hang out with friends, some people play games as a creative outlet. I think a lot of people do a little bit of a lot of those things at different times with different games

It's just like... man... you gotta be able look outside yourself and not just project your motives on everyone, especially when it's not like you're being rude... but certainly dismissive

(You don't even have to change what you're gonna do, it's just nice to understand people instead of making their motives up in your head)

[bobbyfiend]

Boycott the system vs Change from within

First, I generally don't judge people for saying "fuck it" and resigning or boycotting in protest of a corrupt or ineffective system. That's a choice. Another choice is to continue working within the system, pushing for change.

I have a very close friend who works in the government of a state. She's on important (though generally invisible to the public) committees dealing with juvenile justice, racial disparities, treatment of marginalized populations, and intersections of those. She cares very much about what she does, she has deep education (and constant self-motivated ongoing education) about these issues, and she even has the education to do committee/community/systemic work well. Frankly, she's pretty fucking awesome.

And she kind of wants to tear her hair out on a regular basis because she frequently feels like she's the only person who cares enough about the things the committees were formed for to seriously work for those things. She finds herself being scoffed at when she suggests reasonable things to reduce burdens on marginalized youth, increase social justice, or even just reduce state costs by way of making things better for vulnerable people. She has found reasonable social justice measures blocked by committee members and sometimes her superiors (though other superiors seem supportive, TBF). The appointed leaders of one or two of her committees seem so completely uninterested in achieving the committees' goals that they become the major impediments to accomplishing anything--e.g., by not showing up for meetings, consistently failing to do any prep or follow through on action items, etc.

One reason I'm not going to give more information about this friend--maybe I'll call her Petra--is that she's an anarchist. Like, serious, dyed-in-the-wool, fuck-the-system anarchist. She's not an anarchist because she likes chaos (because that's not anarchism, ofc); she's an anarchist because she doesn't believe our current systems--or governments in general--can solve our problems. She's a realist, as well, though, and a "hopeless hoper." She believes it's not a zero-sum situation; she believes positive change can still happen. Usually she believes this.

I think the most head-to-desk story I have from Petra is from a year or two ago, when she was in a group tasked with increasing social justice and reducing racial and ethnic disparities in youth contact with law enforcement. In other words, they were supposed to come up with policy recommendations to reduce the disproportionate number of nonwhite kids who get arrested. In one of the committee's meetings things went to a weird place, after months of very little being accomplished: Petra described a sense of horror as the conversation shifted--with thoughtful "wise nods" and "serious" supporting comments--toward a perfectly insane proposal: creating programs to train Black and other nonwhite youth to speak "more respectfully" to police officers. To reduce disparities. To promote social justice. This was the solution: to blame kids. Nobody listened as she explained that this didn't really address the problem in any meaningful way, amounted to victim blaming, etc. My face when she told me probably looked like hers, when it happened. What. The. Fuck. Yeah, this is why we can't have nice things.

So what is Petra doing in state government? Holding the damn line is what. But seriously, why? My answers, after knowing her a while, are (a) she had a very difficult adolescence, young adulthood, and later early adulthood in which state employment played a huge part (i.e., in paying rent and later tuition), (b) because she is good at it and she has the skills, and (c) because she sees opportunities to help.

About once every couple of weeks she says she's sick of this shit and she's moving to Europe. This is a 100% credible threat: she has made huge, life-changing decisions many times in the past and followed through on them. Plus, she knows people in Europe who would put her up for a few months. I feel her frustration. I also feel it when she says she can't call herself a true anarchist (I think she's calling herself a hypocrite) because she works for the government. I understand those points. I really do. I also don't want her to fuck off to Europe, because she's awesome and she'd be across the world from me. Who would tell me of the petty insanity of state government work? And I don't want her to, because I think she is doing excellent, necessary work, and I shudder to think of who would take her place.

Would her replacement spend hours of their free time on a regular basis reading up on research and current events so they could make the most informed decisions possible? Would they spend days or weeks or months cultivating relationships in government and community agencies so that positive change was more likely when it was proposed? Would they actually fucking care about anything beyond angling for a promotion or reducing their workload?

I will 100% respect her decision if she rage-quits her job. But I will be really sad if that happens, and I am convinced there are a lot of people whose lives will be worse for it, in the years to come.

In my experience (limited) and reports from people I know (less limited), state governments in the US are not just a bunch of zombie drones, status-hungry climbers, etc. There are many people in these governments doing earnest, sincere work for principles they believe in. Hell, I think the only reason we have even a semi-functioning democracy (or federal government at all) after four years of Trump is because the "bureaucats" held the line in whatever ways they could. I also believe there are enough soul-dead, cynical, or status-hungry people in state governments to fuck things up. I think state governments can probably be seen as a constant, slowly-churning fight between these kinds of elements. I think we need people like Petra, and we'll be worse off if they get so sick of the shit that they leave.