#like it really sums up more than i can comprehend

[beginagain]

one of the craziest things that will happen when you break free of an abusive relationship is you will start to realize that you are actually quite normal

[luveline]

𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 | 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

three | chapter list

Finding out you’re a princess isn’t half as intimidating as suddenly acquiring a full-time bodyguard. Especially when that bodyguard is disarmingly handsome, charming, and can’t seem to stop flirting with you. 

bodyguard!james, fem!reader, shy!reader, princess diaries au, all characters in their 20s or older, star-crossed lovers/ forbidden romance, slowburn, background wolfstar

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Julianna is a real princess. As a granddaughter of the Queen, step-daughter of a prince, her title is official. She’s been a princess nearly all her life, and it’s a detail you can’t miss. 

James’ hand is hot but amicable against your shoulder blade. He hasn’t stepped away from you since Julianna arrived, though what threat she poses has yet to be seen. She doesn’t seem particularly volatile. You can’t imagine her in all her dewy skin and fine clothing lifting a finger, let alone her fist. 

“Mama says you’re an artist,” she drawls. 

“Not really.” How her mother knows anything about you is a mystery. “It’s a hobby, is all.” 

“And you didn’t finish university?”

“No.” You don’t owe her anything. You know you don’t. But it’s not just her you want to defend yourself to, not when Remus is sitting by the window of the parlour and James is close enough to hear your heartbeat. “I tried to, obviously, but I couldn’t, uh, afford to not work.”

“Ah.”

You don’t expect her to understand it. You know most people don't. Studying and working, the majority can handle both. You’d been ashamed of yourself for failing, but you’d come to the realisation that it was sink or swim. You could sink —resent yourself for needing more time, more space, more accommodation— or you could swim. Accept your ‘shortcomings’. Make the most of what you have. 

Find yourself in a foreign country surrounded by the highly educated and the ridiculously wealthy. People who might never comprehend why you’ve struggled, or how. 

In that moment, you decide to treat this heart-wrenching trip as nothing more than a holiday. James is nice to you. The food is free and apparently plentiful. The grounds… 

Fuck, the grounds. The scenery. The royals aren’t currently living in their most famous residence, Loswell Castle, but are instead mourning the Prince at the more private and more subtle Bellaverden House. Subtle, yet gorgeous. The grass is green and stretches as far as the eye can see in all directions, broken up only by the silhouette of the alps to the east and the shimmering Lake Orlo to the west. The palace itself is nothing like you’d expected, and so far from the capital city of Genovia it is no surprise to find that the royals let their personal tastes bleed into every corner. It’s tasteful, silent wealth, no crystal chandeliers hanging from the eaves but instead a Rembrandt in the hallway. No solid gold cutlery, but instead Noritake porcelain tea cups and their matching exorbitant saucers.

“Loswell is the gaudier of the two houses,” James had said, evidently pleased by your wide-eyed surprise.

A nice boy who’s being paid to spend time with you and his funny friends. All you have to do is survive the paparazzi (check!) and your suspicious possible relatives (less so).

Any hour now, the paternity test will come up negative and they’ll be shepherding you home in search of the actual princess, wherever she may be. 

If she exists at all. 

“You haven’t eaten anything today,” James says softly, for your ears only. “Should we go down to the kitchens?”

It’s hard to describe the true and daunting scale of Bellaverden House, but James’ use of ‘kitchens’ rather than ‘kitchen’ sums it up nicely. 

Julianna rolls her shoulders, reaching for a black telephone on the side table. “No need. We’ll have it brought up. What do you like? They have yards of fresh pasta prepared by now. Doesn’t matter, I’ll ask for some of everything.”

“Oh, no,” you say, stepping out of James' reach. “I don’t want to be an imposition while I’m here.”

“That ship has sailed,” she says neatly. 

Ouch. You look back to James without intending to, an automatic movement. He’s become your safety net too quickly. His job is to protect you from harm, not your catty maybe-cousin’s mild disdain. 

“Sit,” Julianna says. “James, you can take up station in the hallway. Go on.”

Her voice possesses all the snobbish airiness you’d expect it to. She’s regal, elegant, and rude. James’ hand stretches toward yours, your fingers not quite touching. You think it might be his silent way of saying he won’t be far.

He gives you a reassuring half-smile. “If you need me,” he says. 

“Tutor,” Julianna adds once James is at the door, “you can leave us.”

“Remus, please.” You smile at Julianna appealingly, piping up before she can steal your last lifeline. “I need him to tell me what silverware to use. If I have any hope of catching up, I’ll have to start learning about proper etiquette straight away.”

You look to your tutor to make sure he’s on board. Remus gestures for you to sit and crosses the hardwood floors between you, his footsteps soundless. Julianna sniffs, your suggestion agreeable but tiresome for her, and pulls the telephone receiver to her ear. 

Remus settles into the chair next to yours at the table. 

“Don’t worry. We won’t leave you for wolves,” he says.

You’re grateful. You nod to the book in his hands. “What are you reading?”

He turns the book around. A Comprehensive History of Contemporary Genovia. 

“I’ve never had to educate someone who didn’t already know a very specific, very intricate history of our country,” he says in his melding voice, the barest hints of his accent peaking through. He says our country like you already belong as he does, not native but citizen anyhow. “I provide supplementary education for the well-educated, I… I’m like a second chance for rich slackers. You’re neither, and so I’m not sure how I can make this easy on you.”

You admire his thinking. You’ve been lucky to find yourself in the care of people who put your comfort first. Remus, James, Sirius, even the ambassadors of the country, and the matron you’d been introduced to upon your arrival here, they’ve all been so conscientious. 

But it won’t matter. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” he says. 

“You do?”

“You’ve made it clear how much faith you have in the current situation. I believe…” that you’re who we suspect you are, you think he might say, but he parts his legs to bump his knee into yours. “I believe we’re going to be good friends.”

That is… “Thank you,” you say softly.

The telephone jingles as Julianna slams it down. “So, what’s with the bruise?” she asks. “And the bad makeup. Mean boyfriend back home?”

Her cavalier attitude chafes. “I was a little too close to the door when someone opened it,” you say.

“Ah.”

Again with the Ah. Extra syllables must be at cost. 

Positivity, you remind yourself. This is a vacation. This inane and insane need to constantly prove yourself to the people around you is going to make you crazy, especially when all of this is temporary. Who cares what princess Julianna thinks of you now when, in a day or two, she’ll remember you as nothing more than the girl who they brought by mistake? And wouldn’t it be nice to just… not care? Who cares what Julianna thinks?

You stand and walk to the door where James is standing, because calling for him would make you feel like an entitled dick. He turns his head to you obligingly. 

“Would you come back inside? The painting is giving me the jeebies.”

“That’s a portrait of your great great grandmother.”

“She’s scary.”

He claps your shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “If the test comes out negative, I’ll happily commit royal espionage for you and fix the results.”

“That is not a joke you should make,” Remus calls mildly. 

“Probably not. I’ve made it now. Sit down, Princess, the food’s arriving.”

The food they bring up to you is Genovian specialty cuisine, recipes borrowed from the Italians hundreds of years ago, and how fortunate you are for that. You have no clue where to start, surrounded by rich smells of broth and stewed vegetables, the spritely aroma of white wine and tomatoes so fresh their roasted skins split under the gentle bottom of your spoon. 

James refuses to eat with you, as he’s on the clock, but Remus sits down at the table as promised to guide you through the fascinatingly intricate etiquette it takes to be a new royal. 

“That’s Cioppino,” Remus says, pointing to a dark red stew bragging large pieces of crab, smaller chunks of a white meat you’re unsure of, and the distinct dark brackets of mussel shells. “It’s actually an Italian-American dish. It’s served with sourdough or French bread, but in our case, where you can’t necessarily use your hands, we’ll go without.”

“There’s nobody here I need to impress, right?” you ask quietly. 

You swear you can hear Julianna twitching. 

Remus doesn’t respond to your comment, though his voice is riddled with amusement when he continues. “It’s more common for the crab to be served in its shell, but I don’t suppose they want the royals using crab forks and crackers." He points to a second bowl. “This, from the looks of it, is a variation of stufato di capra e fagioli, Italian for ‘stew of goat meat and beans’. Self explanatory. It’s very popular here in the winter, it’s,” —his voice drops to a lower register— “Sirius’ favourite. Shoulder meat, onions, carrots, celery, white wine and white beans. I don’t suppose I have to tell you what that is.” He nods to a heaping bowl of gnocchi coated in a green, buttery sauce, and its familiar wingman — fettuccine alfredo. 

“Now there’s one I know,” you say with a smile. 

“I think they’ve gone easy on you,” Remus says. “Given you something they knew would be familiar. The head cooks, Marlene and Marsha, hardly ever serve fettuccine without ragù di pollo. Chicken ragù. It’s a sacrament in Marlene’s eyes to separate the two.”

He moves so easily from English to Italian. You wonder if he speaks Genovian. Is there a Genovian language? You’re too embarrassed to ask, instead piling a mound of unadventurous fettuccine into your bowl. 

Julianna picks up the telephone again and you let yourself relax as her conversation begins. She pokes at her food and talks in Italian down the line, staring straight at you as she says the word, ‘principessa’. You don’t have to be a linguistics expert to know she’s talking about you. Eventually, her attention fades. Remus loosens at your side. 

“This spoon,” he corrects, before opening his book and sagging into his seat.

You're famished, yet all the rich food makes you nauseous. You toy with your fettuccine and a little of the cioppino. Weirdly, you miss the ordinary smells of your kitchen.

A figure moves behind you, James’ shadow shifting to cover your hands. “Unladylike as it might be,” he says, “you’ll regret it if you don’t try the bread, Princess. Freshly baked, soaked in pesto, it’s what us peasant folk fight over at the end of a shift.”

You hold your hand to a beautiful sliced baguette, “This one?”

“That’s the one.”

You pull the bread apart and enter a stodgy, olive oily sort of heaven. The only thing better than how it tastes is James' happy sound when you set aside a huge slice in a napkin and usher it behind your back, as inconspicuous as you can possibly be. He has no choice but to take it. A telltale crunch comes quickly and poorly smothered. 

Julianna excuses herself, and a maid comes to take her plates and dirtied cutlery on a silver cart.

You lean toward Remus with a hand over your mouth. “What do you call them? The ladies in uniform?”

“Princess, you can call them whatever you want to,” James butts in, returning to your side now Julianna is absent. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and sits in one of the chairs facing the door.

“But what’s nicest?”

“You’ll learn their names in time,” Remus says easily. “You’ll be fine. Officially, they’re ‘attendants’. Maids, cleaners. Oh, you’ll have a lady in waiting–”

“A what?” 

“A personal assistant,” James says. 

Your face heats up like an instant flush, all hot pinpricks and embarrassment, “No,” you beg, standing up, “please, that would be entirely unnecessary, it’s not like I’m some sort of–”

“Princess!” A familiar voice shouts. Sirius has weaselled inside the door and closed it tight, his back pressed against it for a moment like he’s keeping someone out. He wears an exuberant smile and a brilliant dark ensemble with fine pinstripes that mess with your eyes as he approaches. He’s practically running. “I’ve spoken to Delilah who’s spoken to Beau who’s spoken to Lily who’s been in contact with the legal team in charge of your care here in Genovia, and they’ve heard from the medical team who have been fighting tooth and nail to be put in talks with you,” —he looks at you emphatically now, and there’s something about his expression, part wide-eyed awe, part sympathy, that freezes you to the spot— “because it’s technically your care, and–”

“Sirius, get to the point, please,” James says. He’s looking at you in a different way. Like he’s waiting for you to fall over. 

“Your father,” Sirius says, promptly deciding to start again. “The paternity test is positive. Your DNA is a conclusive match for the Prince, may he rest in peace. You’re a princess. You’re the Princess, by blood. You are a Renaldi.”

There’s a stretching silence. You wrap your hand around the back of your chair and stare at the velvet upholstery of the seat. 

“Terrible last name,” he adds sympathetically. 

You don’t want to be the girl who faints. That would be ridiculous, to fall over and crack your head. So, though you hate to ask for anything, you mumble, “James?”

He wraps a shapely arm behind your shoulders and under your armpit before you lose the feeling in your legs. 

“I think I need to sit down again,” you say. 

“Reckon you do," he agrees, as he pulls the chair around with his foot and arranges you in it efficiently, the tip of his thumb pushed into the pulse point on your neck. “We’ll get you something cold, Princess. You can breathe.” He gives you a little shake, hand spreading wider as it drags down your collar. The pressure is like the safety release of a suction cup. You take in a huge breath. “Breathe, lovely.”

“I’m fine," you say meekly. 

“It’s alright,” he says, with his impossible softness. He’s unafraid to be kind even when there are people watching. 

“I’m fine. I–” You can’t finish your sentence. You’d wanted to say you’ll be okay. That this is just some melodramatic episode, but it isn’t. This is a human reaction to unbelievable news. Because you’re a– you’re a princess. 

You cover your face with both hands and curl in toward your thighs. Silence pervades, your ears abuzz with white noise. You aren’t sure how long you sit there paralysed, but soon James’ gentle murmuring and shushing cuts through the ringing. “It’s alright,” he’s saying, his hand at your elbow, “I swear, it’s alright. You take as long as you need.”

“Mickey’s at the door,” Sirius says. 

“Good. Tell him to radio in a level two security detail and stay there for now. Who else knows, Sirius?”

“By now? Everybody in the castle. Including government officials.”

“And you’re sure?” Sure said severely. 

“Of course I am.”

You’re trying very hard to keep your pasta down. This can’t be happening. It can’t be right. Their test is wrong. They swabbed the inside of your mouth wrong, or got it mixed up with some other person test, or the doctors are lying. Not once in your whole life has there ever been any indication that you are more than the nothing you’ve always been. All your worst insecurities rip to the surface. Not me. Not me.

“Level two isn’t as bad as it sounds,” James says, still so gentle. He’s been talking to you again. “All it means is that I’m not at full attention, and I need someone else to watch the room. That’s all it is.”

“I’m not,” you say. 

“You’re okay.”

“I’m not a princess,” you say, peeking at him through your parted fingers. 

His hand curves around your arm. He pulls it toward him. Encouraging rather than demanding. You let him. 

“Whatever it is that you are,” he says, meeting your eyes, “I’m here to take care of you. Okay? Try to calm down for me.” He nods, hoping you’ll nod back no doubt. You worry at your lip, your teeth scratching delicate skin. 

“Sorry,” you say. 

“No one’s expecting you to feel a certain way right now,” Sirius says.

The urgency in his expression has departed completely. He has an air of regret about him now, an uncomfortable set to his jaw. 

It’s not just James in the room witnessing your wobble. You cover your face again and try to become one with the furniture. 

James stands off of his knees, having seemingly decided that you aren’t in any mental peril. He stays hovering behind your chair. You think you might’ve found them all at a loss for what to do. 

The door opens. You imagine a nightmare, Julianna coming to play nice, but it’s the British ambassador Lily once again. She looks as perfect as she did when you saw her last with an immaculately straightened sheet of hair fluttering behind her, her steps hurried. Despite her speed, she doesn’t look unhappy. She’s smiling. The Genovian ambassador Emmeline follows behind her. 

You try to straighten up. 

“We have wonderful news,” Lily says.

“You’re the Princess!” Emmeline squeaks, her tiny stature no bounds for her excitement. “Welcome home!”

She begins clapping. It slows when nobody joins in. 

“What?” she asks cluelessly. “Has something bad happened?”

That’s what you’re trying to work out.

—

James can hear you sniffling.

He rests his shoulders against the wall by your bedroom door and sighs. You'd held in tears for hours after the announcement. Sirius' last announcement has toppled you over. You have to meet your grandmother tomorrow to begin preparing for your father's funeral. James thinks you might have reached your breaking point. He can't imagine the grief of losing a father you didn't know you had, and the stress of being pulled out of your life so suddenly, carted across Europe and left under the judgemental eyes of royals and officials with little direction. Now that the paternity test has been found positive and checked by many, many professionals, your confirmed identity should provide a more stable schedule. From James’ perspective, the days ahead will be easy. For you, they are going to be very, very hard. 

You'll meet the Queen tomorrow at breakfast. The plans for your permanent residency in Genovia will be decided. Your entire life is about to change, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. 

Well… James doesn't really want you to stop it, but it's not entirely true that you can't. You could reject your heritage and go home to your flat, your art, your degree equivalent classes. Maybe you're crying because you're scared you don't have options. 

James thinks about knocking on the door to talk to you. He meant it when he said he has a duty to all aspects of your health, the mental as well as the physical, but it's difficult to define the line between professionalism and being friendly. He's already crossed it. 

He sighs and rubs his weary head. He's tired. Today has been the longest day ever. You'd slept for an hour in the car from the airport to Bellaverden Castle, and James had watched you half jealous and half enraptured. He won't mind looking after you no matter how you look, but your being easy on the eyes is a brilliant plus. Well, when ignoring the huge bruise staining your cheek. 

"Fuck," he says. 

He hasn't been doing very well. Honestly, his failure to keep you from harm in your flat (even if the harm had been him) and then his screw up with the paparazzi has left him off kilter.

James pulls out his pager. He should swap with one of the night guards, and he trusts them all, having picked them himself, but he won’t feel right walking away while you're crying. 

He clicks in Remus' code and waits until he hears it back. It's shorthand between them: if Remus wasn't awake or didn't want to see James, he could've ignored James' page and there'd be no hard feelings. But he answered. Tonight, once James has made sure you're okay, he'll crawl into Remus' bed like when they were kids in a cold dormitory and missing home to sleep for a glorious eight hours. He might even tell Remus how stressed he is. He knows his friend will listen. 

He'd invite Sirius, of course, (and that's assuming he isn't already there) if it weren’t well past ten. Sirius is definitely asleep. 

James hasn't had a proper night's sleep in a week. He feels poorly. He misses his mum. He's hungry. This job is great, he loves what he does; he gets paid to take care of people. It's also too much. It eats at him. 

"Fuck," he says again. 

"James?" 

He flinches hard. 

There it is, his third mistake. He's very lucky that the chief of royal security is busy making funeral arrangements, because if Mary were here she'd gut him. 

You've crept up on him in his distraction. How could he not notice your footsteps across the floor, or your door handle's heavy metallic thunk?

"Princess," he says, biting his tongue when you wince. He'll have to call you something else. "I'm sorry, I–" James squints at your sore eyes. 

"It's okay. I just wanted to ask… are you alright?" 

"Am I alright?" 

“I just heard you and I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. You sounded… stressy." 

"You don't have to worry about me. That's my job." He frowns at the remnants of your tear stains, dampness shining at the corners of your eyes and your lashes sticking together in darkened triangles. "I was just about to come and see you, actually. I know today's been hard, and I know I haven't helped. I'm so sorry, again, for hurting you. And at the airport, I know the scuffle with the photographers didn't help your nerves. I know," he stresses, "this is hard. I swear things will be smoother from now on. You have my word." 

You rub your elbow wordlessly. He's about to backtrack, perhaps dig himself a bigger hole, but then you give him one of the softest smiles anyone's ever given him in all his years. 

"It's forgiven. Believe me, James, this is the least of my worries," you say, gesturing to your cheek. It only takes a second for shame to stick its hooks in you, yanking your gaze to the floor. You're wearing an expression he's seen a thousand times on the people closest to him. 

He flicks you under the chin gently. 

"Things are gonna get easier. I swear it," he says.

You plaster a smile on. James figures he can push it some more and wipes the smudgy shine of old tears off of your cheeks. 

"There. Looking good, angel. Why don’t you try and get some rest now, yeah?" 

He keeps getting this odd feeling like you're an old friend and not his charge. It's fleeting and it's making him stupid. This and the sleep deprivation. He swears to himself he'll be better tomorrow. 

You bid him goodnight. James listens to your night time motions until another guard comes to release him from duty, rushing to his room for a shower and a cereal bar, giving his teeth a half-hearted brush before he sets off for Remus' room halfway across the castle. Remus and the other scarcely employed scholars don't have to sleep in the servant quarters like he and Sirius do. Schmucks.

He finds the door unlatched. Mercifully, James decides to spare them both the safety-related lecture. He tries to be as quiet as he can, a head of sandy brown hair turning his way just two steps into the room.

"James?" Remus asks, his voice thick with fatigue. 

"Sorry. You can go back to sleep." 

"I was waiting for you. Drifted off." 

James scrubs a hand through his damp hair and closes the door. He can find his way in the dark. 

"Sirius isn't here?" 

"James…"

"What, are we still pretending?"

"James."

"I'm sorry. Forgive me, Moony." 

"Yeah. Don't lean on my left side. I'll move over." 

"What's wrong with your left side?" 

"I don't know. Maybe from carrying the bags. Maybe not." 

James slides into the warm space Remus has made for him and tries not to feel overprotective. Loving someone who's constantly in pain can be confusing. You don't know how much love you're allowed to give before it starts to be patronising. Remus can take care of himself, but he doesn't need to. 

"Anything I can do?" James whispers. 

"Tell me what's bothering you." 

"Oh, you know… Everything. Nothing. I'm so happy we're all together again, I mean, what are the fucking odds? How long has it been since I could come and see you guys after work without making an appointment? … I didn't love the Prince, but I hate that he's dead, and I…" 

Remus turns his head to James. They're a pillow apart. When James looks at him, he can't remember what Remus looked like when they were young, but he can feel the years of knowing one another stretching out between them. A straining cast of light from under the door catches the edges of Remus' features. James can see the corner of an uneven smile. 

"Go on," Remus says quietly. 

"She's nice. She's really nice. I don't want her to get hurt, but I don’t know that I’m up to this, Moony."

"James, you're up for everything. Always have been." 

"I thought this was a demotion." 

"Isn't it?" 

"If it is, it's one I deserve. I deserve another one. Once Mary sees the mess I've made…" 

Remus reaches across the sheets to pinch James' bicep. "Nobody is good at their new job. Sirius didn't touch up the princess' bruise when we got off the plane, and while they're paid off for now, someone who needs the better payout is going to publish those photos, and soon. Sirius should've been doing his job, but he was too busy looking after me." 

"I tried to cover it–" 

"I know. You did a good job and I'm not blaming you. My point is that he made a mistake. Does he deserve a demotion?" 

James wrinkles his nose. Hate you.

"And I should've better prepared her for meeting Princess Julianna. It was my fault that she felt embarrassed. I tried my best to fit in some coaching for breakfast tomorrow but the poor girl doesn't know a butter knife from a paring knife." 

"That's not true." 

"No," Remus agrees. "I'm making her seem less educated than she is to prove my own point… James, she isn't a princess. She has the blood, and soon she'll get the official title, the land and the money and the education and maybe some of the bad bits, as well. But right now, she's new to being a princess, and she's not very good at it." 

"I get it." 

"Yeah, I know." 

Remus readjusts in bed. James almost misses the pain in his friend's exhale under the sound of crunching fresh sheets. 

"Are you sure I can't do something for you?" 

"I wish," Remus says. He isn't depressed. The opposite, he sounds way too spritely for the time. "You could stop hogging the blankets, for starters." 

James feeds Remus some more blanket and sighs. The mattress is heavenly. The quilts and sheets and pillowcases are soft and thick. By all means, James should've fallen asleep the second his head touched Remus’ pillow.

"You've asked Mickey to look after her tomorrow, right?" Remus asks. 

James had radio'd Mikkelson after his shower to put the early morning shift and protocols in his jurisdiction temporarily. That means James will hopefully be able to sleep until his body feels like it can hold itself together again. He doesn't like leaving you to face the Queen by yourself but it's not as though she'll hurt you, and Sirius will see you bright and early to help you get dressed. James isn't worried. 

"I have. How did you know that?" 

"You're the only one of us who knows how to properly take care of themselves," Remus explains easily. "Good. I'm glad you did. You haven't been sleeping."

"How do you know that?" 

"I love you. I know everything about you." 

James smiles at the ceiling. There is nothing quite as valuable to him than his family. He would do more to keep them all safe and healthy than he should admit on the record, so he keeps it tucked inside and out of view. It's terrifying and freeing at once to look at someone you love and know you're going to do something awful one day if it means they'll come out on the other side of it alive. 

"Not everything," he murmurs. 

"Everything, James."

"Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up right now." 

"One." 

"Which?" 

"Middle."

"Lucky guess." James laughs at their childish squabbling. "I love you, too. I'm really glad we're in the same place again."

"What did you say? What are the fucking odds?" Remus quotes, so tired now that his words are running together. "I'm not sod enough to do the maths, I think it's gotta be deep in the decimals. Lily's and Mary's involvement definitely helped, but to have someone come along who needs security detail, special education, and a lady in waiting is unfathomable." 

James laughs and feels his abdomen shaking. "I'm telling Sirius you called him a lady in waiting." 

"Sorry," Remus says, and James knows his friend is genuinely repentant, though Sirius would've laughed himself if he'd heard the joke. "I'm not trying to put him down. He's worked so hard, he– He's working so hard. He thinks it's easy work because he's good at it. He doesn't realise it's easy because he worked hard to be good at it." 

James has to chew it over for a moment to understand what Remus is saying. Once he understands, he vehemently agrees. Sirius is skilled in many areas. He's a media liaison, a sleuth, a sweet talker. He understands the inner workings of Western media — Sirius can deduce the honesty of a smile from a precursory glance. He may not always trust what he's seeing, but he sees it undeniably. And he can dress well.

"He's the best of us," James sighs agreeably, stretching down the length of the bed until his spine pops and his calves burn. "Shit. I need to start working out properly again now we're here." 

"Tomorrow. We'll figure it all out tomorrow, James. Go to sleep." 

James is obedient. He falls asleep, and doesn’t wake until the sun is warming his cheeks. His hair is still damp at the back and he feels awful in a new way. Better for having slept with someone close by, and catching up on the hours he’s been missing. But his back is stiff. 

He goes back to his room. His neck aches as he brushes his teeth. He does a workout and stretches his rigid limbs until he feels human again. 

The black telephone on his nightstand starts to ring.

“Hello, sir,” Lily says cheerfully down the line. James can picture her sweet smile. “I couldn’t help but notice your absence this morning.”

“How did it go?” he asks, trying to tug on a new pair of socks one handed. 

Lily hums. “It wasn’t awful. It wasn’t good, but it could’ve been worse. Her majesty liked her. Y/N was quiet, she was awkward, but we all know they prefer quiet to mouthy. The last thing they wanted was another Julianna. I felt kind of bad, really. Like I was handing her over.”

“She…” James sighs. “She didn’t seem upset, did she, Lils?”

“No, I actually think she was feeling good. Your boys took good care of her.”

“Brilliant. Oh, and to answer your unasked question, I’m being slovenly. I’ll be back on duty by noon.”

“Slovenly,” she repeats. “I’ve never known you to be any sort of lazy.” She laughs. James is happy that the sound doesn’t break his heart anymore. “Alright, James. I’ll see you later.”

He appreciates what she’s doing, letting him know you’re okay while he’s away. It’s uncanny how fast the people in charge of your care can band together, and Lily has always been kind.

James gives himself a minute to wipe away yesterday and prepare for today. He closes his eyes and shakes his head ferociously, his hair flying every which way. He sorts through all his worries one by one, letting that anxiety eat at him methodically —he’s a bad bodyguard, he’s a bad friend, he doesn’t call his mum enough, he’s chicken shit scared of dying alone, the works— and then pushing it away. Today is a new day with new opportunities. He can prove to you and to himself that he’s good at his job, he can make sure his friends are doing alright, he can call his mum tonight before dinner, and dying alone? He isn’t dying today. That one’s on the back burner. 

He makes his way from his room in the quarter and into the main building, wary that he might come upon a duke or duchess. His radio, clipped as it always is against his left shoulder, chirps with chatter. He bites back a scolding about keeping the line clear and looks out of a Goliath glass window at the grounds below. A marble water fountain spurts proudly at the foot of the stairs, and an elaborate hedgework stands at pruned attention. It’s a nice day. He wonders if you’ll be up for walking. 

He looks for you in the secondary parlour, the den, the library, the dining room. He swings by your room, and when you aren’t there he admits defeat and unclamps his radio, cutting through an inappropriate joke unapologetically. 

“Afternoon. Location on Princess Y/N?”

He imagines his subordinates scrambling to answer, embarrassed by their unprofessionalism, but it’s likely they just don’t know where you are. 

“If I don’t get an answer in the next five seconds, you can all expect to be running laps tonight. That includes you, Mikkelson, I don’t care how much overtime–”

“Sir, this is Daniels. Me and Roma are with the princess in the south wing.”

“Why?”

“She wanted a pencil sharpener.”

James grins to himself. The south wing (or, as James might put it, the guest wing), houses the scholars, the ambassadors, and whatever government official the royals are trying to butter up at the time. He’s feeling positively joyful when he finds you sketching, your face pressed to the window. The Genovian mountainscapes take shape on your page one confident stroke of graphite at a time, a small leather bound sketchbook pressed flat to your knee.

“Settling in?” he asks. 

You raise your head but not your eyes. “You could say that.”

“How was meeting Her Majesty?”

You frown. 

“That bad?” he asks. 

“No, I mean. You know. She’s a queen. It was terrifying.”

Despite your unhappy mouth, you look as relaxed as you have since the moment he met you, dressed in a casual Genovian dress with subtle but remarkable stitching a shade darker than the dress itself and a squared neckline. Your calves are out and glossy in the daylight. They’re rather distracting. 

“You look good,” James says carefully. 

“I’ll miss the fancy lotions,” you say. Your pencil scratches away. 

James’ hands falter where they’re clasped behind his back. “What?”

You meet his eyes properly. He hadn’t realised you’d been avoiding his gaze until you weren’t, your face ringed with guilt, an explanation slow to come. 

“I’m not staying. I can’t be a princess, James.” You shake your head mildly. “I’m going home.”

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

thanks so much for reading! oh no, you want to go home!! rest assured, james and co aren’t letting you go too easily. i hope you enjoyed, reblogs are always appreciated, a thousand kisses for all of you either way <3<3

[aingeal98]

Something I can't quite explain, but in a novel full of higher powers and different levels of gods, a novel about breaking through each and every barrier and power that demands to control your fate, a novel about choosing to seek answers about why you exist no matter how hard it gets... Somehow the glimpses we get into Han Sooyoung's pysche, the moments where we can relate to either her or one of her clones who are all really her in some way... it's the closest a story's ever come to making me understand what it would truly be like to be a capital G god. A higher power. Something more than human and yet deeply, purely human at the same time. I can't even put it down into words and neither can the novel fully because it's almost to big to comprehend but it's there. Yoo Joonghyuk has lived thousands of lifetimes. Dokja essentially does become the ultimate God of the universe in the end. In comparison she's just a normal person with a talent for writing. But that ability, of being an author in a work so focused on meta narratives, of being the author of the entire story we read AND the story these characters live in...

There's layers on layers on layers and maybe I'm just sleep deprived but I don't think the human mind was made to contemplate them all, or maybe it's just that the story can't function if it tried to do so. And the story knows it which is why we don't get the same level of backstory for her as for the other characters. We get enough to define her as a character and define her role in the narrative, but in the same way you can't put YJH's trans journey on the page because that needs to happen outside of the confines of HSY's writing, you also can't put HSY the writer on the page, as anything other than the love she has for her creations. Otherwise the whole story would implode.

Anyway to sum up these midnight rambles if you put Plato, Aristotle and Han Sooyoung in a room together, those two old men would end the night curled up and crying.

[nightwonder7]

So seeing as how you've fallen into the Norton/Alice rabbit hole...thoughts on the theory Norton was hired to kill Alice?

Okay, so there are two possibilities of who might've hired Norton to eliminate Alice, assuming the "arrogant woman" he talks about in the second letter isn't Melly. Note: I'm basing some of these thoughts off of sirenjose's posts (their IDV analysis are really good!)

One, it could be Orpheus. As we saw in AoM2, Norton was working for or together with him, so it would check out that Orpheus is the one directing him. He could've thus be the one who ordered him to eliminate Alice. However, this does contradict what is implied to be Orpheus' motives for Alice. In his and Alice's letters, he was trying to set her free from where she was being kept and make her remember him. He wants his childhood best friend back, maybe to redeem himself from what transpired when the manor was under attack. Also, I'm pretty sure he knows who Alice is in AoM now, with the Lamb note appearing on her desk at the end, so it's not like he thinks she is her colleague. So why would he then order someone to kill her? I could dig deeper into Orpheus potentially having his perception skewed, having to obey someone higher than him in the manor games or setting Norton up to be the villain so he can become the hero in the story, but I'll refrain from straying too far.

Two, it could be someone else entirely, and the main suspect would be Villhelm Lamb; AKA Alice's adoptive father. From Evelyn's background trailer, we learn that Villhelm is ruling over an organisation of spies working for him. Once Alice escapes from him, someone were sent out to observe her or eliminate her; perhaps to prevent her from spilling out whatever dark secrets he possesses. These people could be this spy group. From Alice's deduction, it seems that she knows she is being watched, and so they never get a chance to eliminate her.

And then we have Norton. Norton would not turn down a large sum of money if offered to him. And after the incident in the mines, one could say his moral compass became a little misguided. Agreeing to kill someone for a life changing amount of money does not seem unlikely of him at this point in life, whether said pay would come from Orpheus or Villhelm.

The ONLY THING I just cannot wrap my head around is where the heck did they find this guy?? Technically, Norton is just a random person from the working class, so how did they even find him? I doubt they put up an "Assassin needed! Commission pay!" flyer on the wall. I mean, they could've just made an ad with the sum of money and no job specifications, but I struggle to see how that would even work when the task is so grizzly. Another thing I can't comprehend is how this employer would think someone like Norton would be more skilled and capable of assassination of someone as sharp as Alice than, say a group of spies. But maybe Norton really is just that; a guy they randomly picked for the job for whatever reason.

I've probably left something out, but those are my initial thoughts. Would be interesting if Alice somehow allies with Norton and Melly to put an end to the manor games. But I'm also preparing for the most tragic ending to this story fdshjfghsd

[nicollekidman]

i was reading books like ana karenina and asoiaf when i was like 12 and i didn't think much of it at the time because i love reading until i realized kids my age didn't read books...there's was like one other girl in my class but she was reading harry potter and the immortal instruments

it just makes me sad that we can't even go about having the conversation without people being obtuse and self-defensive because they don't understand the point which is. exactly the point lol. it's a complex issue that i'm not interested in summing up in a silly tumblr post but like. yeah....

your parents didn't let you eat candy for every meal because nutrient-dense foods were required for the healthy development of your organs and body and books are the same way. reading is a skill you develop in childhood and the books you read need to be equally nutrient-dense to create a sense of curiosity and empathy, to start understanding your place within the broader world, and to encourage the development of things like ethics and morality and like. straight up vocabulary and ability to comprehend complex concepts lmao.

i had a lot of bad habits that would've ended up costing me a lot more if i hadn't been completely surrounded by novels and my love of reading hadn't been fostered from like. pre-k. i owe literally everything about my intellect and most of my personality to the fact that i was voraciously and constantly exposed to texts not only at my age-level but above it. that's how i got into college, it's how i graduated, it's how i remain an engaged and conscientious member of society.

your brain requires constant and careful nurturing just like your body, and if you ignore that or are allowed to ignore that, you end up a person who can't ask difficult questions (much less answer them), where ignorance makes you feel fear and anger rather than opportunity. it's just a colorless, reactionary world.

so like yeah. i think people should read anything and everything when they're young so they have the tools and the desire to keep learning and growing and questioning as they grow older. and your friend is still better off than a lot of people!! i was reading hp and tmi at that age too!

but again this is coming from a person whose main life philosophy is that books can save the world as long as there are people to read them so. I've gone almost a year without reading any litfic so that's not really my point, it's that as a young person you need to build the skills to become a successful adult and you cannot do that while remaining fossiled in the "comfort" of YA.

[redlyriumidol]

My thoughts/headcanons about the different styles of magic across Thedas. I'm skipping avvar and elvhenan because... idk i don't feel like it (we also can't really comprehend the extent of elvhen magic yet. perhaps we never will.):

SOUTHERN CIRCLES: perhaps the one we've been most familiar with until now. Solas criticises Vivienne on a few counts with regards to her magic and I think this sums it up: "Your rigorous training lays a solid foundation, true. It also creates boundaries, limits, where none need exist." I think that's indicative of the Southern approach to magic in general. The Chantry needs to keep its mages under a tight leash, but it also has a vested interest in training them to be useful, especially in a military capacity. Within the Circles there is some room for experimentation and advancement, but it's always limited by fear and the harsh regulations imposed on their use of magic.

Therefore I think Southern Circle magic tends towards the practical, the utilitarian, somewhat of an inflexible, blunt approach. They likely favour elemental magic, though spirit healing seems to be reluctantly tolerated for its sheer usefulness. There's some variety, though, such as the Kirkwall Circle favouring Force Magic.

TEVINTER: obviously Tevinter mages enjoy a great deal more freedom in terms of magic, and can freely experiment and push the limits, in fact they're incentivised to do so. Leaving aside blood magic for now, magic is an intrinsic part of Tevinter culture, and Circles are regarded as prestigious academies-- I think magic there is viewed as an art, a science. Obviously from a banter between Solas and Dorian we know that Tevinter stole techniques from the ancient elves. There are likely some similarities although obviously Tevinter magic has evolved since then.

Imo Tevinter magic is about precision, skillfulness, refinement, elegance, subtlety. There's almost a certain poetry to it, though it is also showy, ostentatious. They appreciate magic for magic's sake, not just as a tool. I talked in a different post about how I don't like Necromancy for Dorian and I wish he'd had a specialisation that showcased an aspect of Tevene magic other than blood magic- like I said I think this could have been glyph-based magic, which is showy but also might require skill and dexterity.

DALISH: The Dalish mages we've met have been very capable and well-trained, so I think it's unfair to say their magic is inferior to anyone else's. I think it's simply different. Since they live so closely with nature I tend to think they have an intuitive, instinctual approach to magic, almost a natural ease. To Dalish mages, magic is like breathing, though there is a lot of study that goes into it as well.

Obviously we have direct examples of Keeper magic in both Velanna and Merrill, so apart from the typical thornblades-type spells I'd also say they favour primal magic (lightning, stonefist/petrify etc)- based somewhat on the fact that Merrill doesn't have access to the elemental tree in da2. Not that I don't think they can summon fire, but I think they view fire magic differently. This is my headcanon/inference but, like healers, Keepers follow Sylaise's Vir Atish'an, the way of peace. Sylaise represents healing, but also fire. For someone who lives in a forest, fire is useful, but can be destructive if it gets out of control. I believe they don't view fire as an offensive tool primarily, but as something healing.

QUNARI: again, Qunari magic is severely limited, even more so than in Southern Circles. I think the Qunari view their mages as basically walking rocket launchers, but magic is their blind spot. They're terrified of it, so they'll never get the most out of its possibilities. I mean, their mages can't even talk to each other, so what chance is there of exchanging ideas and advancing? This might be the reason why they haven't totally crushed Tevinter tbh. It does seem that Qunari/Vashoth likely make naturally powerful mages, it's just that their magic is unrefined, brutal, basic but destructive. I imagine they favour the most basic elemental or primal magic, hardly venturing into any other schools at all. The Saarebas seem to have lightning abilities in-game, which fits a society which is technologically advanced but limited when it comes to magic.

NEVARRA: so obviously we've got the Mortalitasi. Tbh I'm not as interested in the Mortalitasi as I could be, I think necromancy just doesn't appeal to me in terms of vibes lol. But anyway, it's clear that magic in Nevarra has a ritualistic importance, it's dark and secretive, subtle, and even though it can be used offensively that seems to be a secondary purpose. I think, like in Tevinter, magic is likely an intellectual or a scientific pursuit, but here it also has a religious significance. Obviously they favour spirit magic and necromancy. Unlike Rivain and the Avvar, though, they seem to view spirits as tools/slaves- in Tevinter Nights we see a Mortalitasi using a wisp to stir her tea for example.

RIVAIN: ugh my faves. There's a good chance we'll get to see this in the next game and I couldn't be more excited. We know that the women are trained as Seers and commune with spirits. The Circles there are really just a front to appease the Chantry, while the unique brand of Rivaini magic is a natural facet of life. I think it's probably witchy, obviously spiritual, intuitive, likely also ritualistic. Obviously a lot of it is spirit magic, probably spirit healing, but I like to think they also use Entropy magic (my beloved) because the idea of curses just kind of fits the witchy vibes of it all. Since their culture is so entwined with the sea, storm magic also might make sense.

[dear-ao3]

Re your RB cursed second seat post, just wanted to add a few things and make a couple of corrections because this stuff really does add to the uh... flavour

First, while I know it's not entirely relevant, the whole Racing Point driver swap was SO MUCH more dramatic because Lance Stroll and Esteban Ocon are like. Besties. Like BFF friends forever since childhood. Poor son of mechanic and rolling in cash son of billionaire true friendship story. Esteban was fired in favour of his best friend, by his BEST FRIEND'S DAD. PEAK drama. They're still besties, bee tee dubs, because Esteban only makes enemies with his teammates.

F1 Invisible Moustache Twirling Supervillain Christian Horner also has a history of 'we're fully supportive [x driver] to be the best they can be and have no intention of changing our driver line up' and then oops, sorry. We lied. Like... five minutes later. Happened to Gasly, happened to Albon, and the former is currently where we're at with Checo. Christian has admitted that they were too hasty with Albon but oh dear how sad too bad boy's thriving now oopsie doopsie.

Also not forgetting that while Daniel was twiddling his thumbs waiting for his metacarpal to heal, Liam Lawson, the AT and RB reserve, got the highest placing position for the Alpha Tauri team this season (up until Mexico, anyway) while driving in Daniel's seat, and also threw himself into the RB second driver conversation.

And a couple of minor corrections:

DR didn't just leave RB because of the unreliability, it was more about being pushed aside for Golden Child Max Verstappen (affectionate, maybe slightly derogatory), which of course he knows all about because DR did the same thing to Vettel back in 2014. Who also had experience in that field because you could argue the cursed seat actually started with Mark Webber vs Seb Vettel back in like... 2010

Honda has been in F1 before. They sold to Brawn GP for the princely sum of one euro symbolic cash when they were going under, because Ross Brawn knew they'd built a MEGA car and couldn't bear to see them not run it for the 2009 season. Brawn GP won that year, it was Jenson Button's one and only championship win.

F1 drivers can't really go back to F2. If you've won it before, you can't compete again, but it's a feeder series so there's no way some ex-f1 driver is ever gonna be in F2 (or any of the lower formulas) because it's specifically for young talent. IDK maybe you meant Formula E? They also often go to WEC or IndyCar. Even rallying.

RB didn't give Checo another car at Suzuka he went out in the same car after they fixed it up enough for it to drive around one lap. Worth noting he was like 32 laps behind by this point (IDR the exact number but it was LORGE). spare cars haven't been a thing in F1 since 2008

Finally, the Fernando and Charles rumours are so fucking funny ain't no way either of them are gonna go to RB only to be a second to Max. I can see Carlos doing it though, trying for the grand return a-la DR. He's just Like ThatTM (affectionate, again also slightly derogatory). They've also been hardcore courting Lando Norris, who's way too smart and aware of his mental health to put himself into that depression spiral.

ANYWAY this isn't intended to be a big GOTCHA i just wanted to, as I said, add some extra flavour because F1 is so much more insane than anyone who doesn't follow it can POSSIBLY comprehend. Thanks for the post, I love seeing people explain the bonkers bullshittery.

yes yes thank you for pointing out all my mistakes and all that i j ew i was going to be getting Peer Reviewed (again, tumblr deleted my damn post so the first version was more accurate but i was pissed and i was also 1am so…) but yes. i am also new here in terms of the f1 drama. but yes it’s totally positively bonkers do you guys See now why fandom people are attracted to it???

[rotzaprachim]

the thing is that in real life I’ve been accused of “only caring about Palestinians” or abandoning Jews or something after Oct 7 because I’ve been so focused on the ceasefire efforts and advocacy, and it’s like, of course I am. If I could bring back anyone killed on October 7 I could but I can’t and so the only thing I can do now is prevent more deaths. That’s what I can do. And on here I’ve now been accused of being a selfish nihilistic white nationalist cryptozionist for talking about antisemitism, because that is the fire I see happening every day on social media and at this point it has now got a body count. And it’s like, we have got to allow people the realization that the best thing we can do is put out fires where we see them. We do what we can. That’s the best we can do. but a few addendums:

Let’s stop assuming peoples opinions based on what they /don’t/ post. There’s so so many reasons people are /not/ posting about things on (anonymous/semi anonymous) social media in particular that governments everywhere /are/ cracking down on pro-Palestine activism and so peoples posting may not be apathy but rule number one of protesting, which is don’t doxx your comrades!

in the immediate aftermath of Oct 7 I reblogged a post with links to support, one of those links ended up leading straight to a group that had celebrated the H AMAs attacks. A day later I saw a post trying to discredit recordings of the attacks and it linked to a website that linked to the daily stormer. This is the newspaper of the KKK. I’ve also reblogged things that were shared by people who have also supported the Russian and Syrian governments continuously. This is not me telling you NOT to support journalists or the need, but it is me telling you how I have been part of the misinformation feed as no well and why I am hesitant to share unsourced information. I will not reblog or post anything that does not have an immediate source link. White nationalists, tankies, and white supremacists are not your friends. They do not care about the Palestinian cause.

I think people are really, really lost on the dangers and extent of antisemitism. I am patently not saying that what’s happening to Jews is /as bad/ or /less bad/ than the absolutely horrific war crimes being inflicted against gazan citizens right now. I am not saying that. I am saying that whole hearted willful antisemitism is being partaken of by a huge sector of people around the world, both white and nonwhite, and I do not think people fully understand there repercussions of it because they think Jews are still ultimately privileged and it ranges from /not that bad/ to /something they’ve all collectively made up to justify war crimes./ I cannot emphasize enough how bad public, violent antisemitism done in the name of the Palestinian cause is to both antizionism and the support of Palestine. This is not a two sides zero sum game, this is something that is actively harming the movement in real time and which people do NOT comprehend is happening in the age of the screenshot, where anyone can get recorded. One of the most significant issue is that attacking Jews and Jewish institutions has now made this a domestic citizen issue in many countries, and that has given Islamophobia and anti-Arab security states a legal prerogative to attack Muslims and Arab communities as well as any Palestinian activism. Calling for the mass death of Jews (even the ones you don’t like) on social media is an incitement to ethnic violence, guys, and it’s made so so much worse when you’ve put a Palestinian flag in your bio. These “neutral” things on social media are having a REAL impact on attacks on Jews AND on legal crackdowns against Palestinian activism.

there are a lot of bad actors out there and both Jewish and pro-Palestine groups I fear have gotten in bed with some really sketchy people because they’re saying what they want to hear. “I hate terrorism and especially Arab terrorism!!!” Is something conservative white nationalists have been saying for years and it’s best if Jews don’t get in bed with those who want to claim everyone is supporting Hamas! Likewise, the idea of “Zionists” and “the Zionist occupied government” or “evil Zionist pigs” has been used by the kkk and other explicitly white supremacist groups for years, and it’s for the fucking best if people don’t deny what actual white nationalists are saying, and don’t decide that everyoneeee calling for the death of the Zionist scourge is their friends.

[spindle-girl]

I will never not get annoyed over people saying that Brian/Grue joining the Heroes was the obvious and easiest choice out there. Admittedly, the WOGs expand more on it, but even with what we get from Arc 4 when he talks about his trigger event, I can't comprehend how anyone wouldn't see the reasons for him not wanting to join the government sponsored heroes.

Basing this off memory, but to sum it up, Brian goes to him moms house after getting a text from Aisha asking for help. He finds her in some poor condition ( I don't think he goes into detail and it may not matter if he did cause he's not telling the full truth here) and when he tries to take her back to his dad's, their step-dad gets in thew ay and doesn't let them leave. Brian proceeds to beat him up, take his sister back, and gets powers sometime in between.

Then, he, aisha, and their dad go to the police the very next morning. They explain what happened and Brian still describes how he almost got sent to jail. Only aisha backing him up and his step-dad missing an asshole anonymous meeting saved him. And he still got some months of community service. Like, in my opinion he did the right thing every step of the way and still almost got screwed over.

Sometime later, (not immediately cause he's 14 to 15 when he gets powers) he decides to try and take care of aisha by being a villain to get enough money/backing to do it.

That's all described in arc 4. Now we get into the WOGs. Again, basing this off memory, but I can try to find them later.

First, Brian lied about his trigger, a little bit. General event still happened, but when he claimed he didn't know who the man was besides being his mom's new boyfriend, he lied. He knew that man bc it was the same boyfriend who had abused him in the past. And his mom brought him back and let him interact with his sister. Add in his mom's other problems and his dad's ("I wouldn't describe him as abusive") there was a fair bit of emotions Brian was going through that he didn't share. But at the end of the day, every adult in his life failed him and his sister. He wouldn't be willing to extend his trust as easily.

Second, a different WOG described Brian getting into crime in a panic bc aisha had done something afterward that led to her needing to get bailed out of something with money (again, going off memeory) so even if he wanted to join the wards he'd be doing it with a record. Presumably he later decided he might as well go all in on it and get aisha into a safer environment than both his parents. He probably thought it may help with keeping her out of trouble as well if she wasn't around two people who didn't know how to raise kids (not that he did either, but he probably thought he couldn't do worse).

Third, by WOG he did actually consider the wards, but after researching them decided they wouldn't be worth it. Admittedly this was moreso bc of his own hangups with commitment. Bc telling the big organization your power and identity then trying to bail wouldn't really work out, but apparently it was still preferable to a career of crime. It's not like the Protectorate would actually have authority to take a child away from their parents anyway without major proof, especially if that kid isn't a parahuman themself.

Fourth, the undersiders were generally a low risk high reward chance until Taylor joined and brought them her bad luck. They operated for a year and only got into some mild skirmishes with Lung and them being escape artist didn't have an issue with him. Besides that, they made a shot ton of money on top of the 2grand their sponsor gave them.

Fifth, I don't think we ever learned what the time table was for Coil helping out with Brian getting custody, especially given how suspicious Brian was of their mysterious boss and his motives preleviathan. Maybe Coil admitted to knowing Brian's problems and offered a solution at the start. Maybe Brian opened up with it as a condition to him joining. Or maybe after a few months of getting 2grand a relatively easy missions Brian decided to trust the boss who hadn't screwed him and ask for the money to be given to him in a legal paycheck for better chance at custody. I say that last option bc Brian is supposed to be the careful pragmatic one who thinks about his choices and doesn't do the crazy option unless bug girl decides to go full throttle and he begrudgingly goes along. And giving his personal details and a sure fire way of blackmail isn't excalty the pragmatic choice.

Tldr: he has to have some pretty big distrust of authority cause shifty parents and probably shotty police and by WOG became a criminal in a panic before going full in on it. Cause he was, again, like 15 years old.

Now, the argument for him joining the wards is that the Heroes/PRT could have snapped their fingers and given everything Brian would want. And seeing the deal Madcap got I can definitely see the idea behind it, but there are a few problems with that. A) Brian wouldn't know shit about how desperate the Heroes are bc they don't advertise that. B) I'm not sure how much power they would actually have over taking kids away from unhealthy environments cause laws and shit would probably limit that. C) as stated above, he says he almost got jailed for hurting his step-dad so I don't see him liking authority at this stage, no matter how just he was in the eyes of the law for it. D) Brian's own issues and that he's a 15 year old so he won't see the world as a perfectly rational being.

[aotopmha]

At lvl 87 Endwalker quests.

The Venat duty absolutely destroyed me.

I was planning to get Elpis done this weekend, but I struggled almost an hour and an half (maybe even twoish hours, didn't precisely track it) on this duty until I, for probably first time while playing this game, turned down the difficulty of a solo duty, and I'm pretty exhausted, so the rest of Elpis is left for another day.

It's a fantastic encounter because it sells you just how powerful Venat truly is really well, but it's another bit of gameplay proof to me that the difficult content of the game probably isn't something that is for me (and makes me incredibly grateful for the lower difficulty options for solo duties).

(At the very least I know progging some of the Savage content and especially Ultimates would probably drive me up the wall.

Extremes, I do want to give a try because they generally seem less time-intensive and lenient. I won't *completely* exclude tougher stuff, but at the very least I know that kind of content would get unfun fairly quick for me because of what it is by nature.)

It's the orbs that got me with every class I tried; just couldn't get enough of them in time, but as said, I'm pretty grateful for the 'easy' button.

With this out of the way, I think there is actually a good amount to say about all of the lvl 86 and 87 content up to the solo duty.

It can be actually summed up pretty easily: it's all just a lot of characterization, but it is characterization for a bunch of different characters and essentially an entire culture. More than any other zone, I think it is the motivations and perspectives of the characters that matter the most.

You've got the friendship between Emet and Hythlodeus, the father-daughter relationship between Hermes and Meteion and as I see it a student-mentor (maybe?) relationship between the WoL and Venat.

Between these are less focused dynamics like Venat teasing Emet or the cute budding friendship between the WoL and Meteion.

Then we have the individual characterization for all of them, too.

But before I fully go into them, there is a pretty big general thought I have about Elpis:

It is fanservice.

It is such unquestionably, blatantly, unflinchingly obvious fanservice that it should bother me so much more than it does.

For crying out loud, the entire portion of the story starts with Emet filling you with his aether. They're fully indulging the Emet simps.

But it is also substantial and thoughtful every step of the way, and I think really well told, so I really like it.

So, I'll get into exploring all of the characters in their basics. You could probably an entire massive post about every single one of them, but I just want to go into them in the most concise, simple way for now.

I'll start with Emet-Selch. I think my favorite part about Emet in Elpis is how he reacts when he learns about his actions in the future.

He cannot comprehend how he could be so disrespectful towards the sacrifice of his brethren, while all across the questing during the zone, his actions especially show just how much he cares about the well-being of the Star and his brethren, and that is the exact reason why he ends up doing what he does.

The reason why everything happens is because of who he is as a character. It is fantastic character-based plot writing, which is kind of a trend across all of Elpis (and happens to be probably my favorite type of writing, I love it when things happen because of who the characters are).

It is delicious Greek tragedy fodder.

Next, I've talked a bunch about how I no longer think character arcs are the be all and end all of good character writing and I think Hythlodeus is probably the best example in FF14.

He is just a super fun and likeable good (tease-y) friend. And he doesn't need to be more as a character.

(And everyone loves him!)

Obviously he has much less time on screen than everyone else, and he would probably get old after a while if we had him for a bunch of expansions, but I think he is proof that all you need for a great character is a likeable base personality.

His teasing dynamic with Emet is super fun and his presence only emphasizes why what Emet does and believes in the future makes sense.

Next are Hermes and Meteion.

The more I think on it, the more I feel like they're the thematic core of the story. And both are also carrying another type of narrative I love: stories about feelings.

Technically you can argue all stories are to some extent about feelings because stories are kind of there to make you feel.

But to me Endwalker is specifically about mental illness, more specifically perhaps about depression and despair and overcoming it.

It's fascinating, every time I even type about these ideas, I feel an unease, as if it shouldn't be a big deal, as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but also as if I was judging people for it. I feel there is still an unspoken stigma to it.

But it is a very serious issue. I myself have struggled with these thoughts, and though I luckily have found my answer and have gotten better, I still see and feel that judgment and disapproval directed at anyone who is suffering.

"Just stop being sad!"

"It's not that big of a deal!"

And in that sense, I feel Hermes is probably the most real of all of the characters in Elpis.

Is he the anomaly for essentially experiencing depression? Is he the anomaly for not agreeing with the norm of just discarding animals, thus other lives on a whim? For not seeing death as "beautiful" as his culture does?

As someone who has been there, dismissing or simplifying Hermes' struggle rings false to me. This is what mental illness does, what depression does. Mental illness makes everything bigger, creates tunnel vision, so Hermes can't see the good around him and so turns to look for purpose elsewhere.

I remember seeing a video title along the lines of "Hermes should suffer more" or again talking points about him "just being sad" and while it might have been for clickbait purposes, I think I've seen sentiments along those lines a bunch of times and I feel like many people just miss the point of his character and maybe even have this opinion towards him because of how they view emotional struggles like this.

Obviously stuff like this is super personal and hits different for everyone, but fictional characters are also not real people; they serve a narrative purpose and in this case Hermes represents someone going through this kind of struggle.

Among other things, he is a general thematic symbol, an idea within the story.

Even if he had the most awful ambitions imaginable, what message would further torturing a character going through this kind of emotional struggle ultimately send?

The idea of fantasy as a filter exists for a reason; were it real life all of these characters, even the more heroic ones, would be morally abhorrent.

But fiction allows us to explore some of these heavy ideas within its safe framework. And you're not obligated to like art like this, either. I just think that's the brand of fantasy FF14 is going for and I fully read most stories within this framework and really enjoy them.

I don't need characters to be morally good for a story to be good, but I actually do also think Hermes is a pretty good example of a narrative distinguishing between the sympathetic and antagonistic parts of a character's actions.

You're not empathizing with him wanting to destroy the world. The entire point is to just understand where his perspective came from. That is the framing I see.

But again, a text can have many reads. In the end I just disagree with a bunch reads on Hermes.

But to move on from Hermes, I think if Hermes is the most "real", Meteion is probably the most tragic.

She is by nature essentially an empath. If Hermes is the adult suffering from mental illness, Meteion is the child feeling the consequences with no say on the matter.

Meteion feels what Hermes feels and those are often negative feelings; and when he sees Meteion suffer from it, he in turn feels guilty. And Meteion suffers from that in turn.

Hermes very clearly cares for Meteion, but he also ends up using her for his own ends just like the other ancients do creations. His entire reason for creating Meteion was for his wish to see other civilizations to be fulfilled. It's selfish. Hermes is not immune from his culture's principles.

And while it hurts him to hurt her, he still does it. It's a crazy good complicated relationship.

As I said, I think there is so much more to say, but I think I'll move on to the final pair.

Truth is, I'm not 100% sure what to label the Venat/Azem/WoL relationship because while teacher-student is a strong sense I get, I also get a very strong "simple friendship with a fellow traveler" feeling out of it.

I can see why the Emet/Hythlo or Emet/Azem/WoL ships are so strong, but I never got that sense out of Venat.

And I don't see the parent/child parallel that strongly either despite all of the mommy jokes.

I need to think on that more.

But what I do love, is characters that *love* the world.

Who unconditionally, fiercely love it.

Life is a miracle to her and so she aims to protect it with all of her being.

And she didn't use to think that way. It is the pursuit of knowledge that lead her to that conclusion.

And to me, that makes her a fantastic meta parallel to me as a player because that is how I grew to see FF14 as I saw more of its story and then got to eventually play it.

Because at first I wasn't interested in doing any of the side content, only the main story, but as I went on I became interested to the point of wanting to do the blue quests, then yellow quests, then tribe quests, and any of the side content.

My plan for Dawntrail is to really take my time and really take in literally all of it, down to eventually the least significant yellow quests.

It'll take time, but that is my eventual aim with the entire game currently.

I grew to love this story, this world and all of the characters in it.

I'm not sure if this is the meta intention with Venat, but that is how it worked out for me as a player.

"Has your journey been good? Has it been worthwile?"

She asks and while my most immediate thought is "gotta get that audience survey in there", a split second later, all can I think of is "yes".

At this point I have about 700+ hours in the game and the only bit of content I've disliked is traversing the ARR, HW and a bunch of the SB zones.

But going back to Venat, I like that despite being so graceful in image, she has fun and joy in her.

Her being the previous Azem is very fitting in that sense and is another aspect of her character that makes me view her as a adventuring friend.

My overall thoughts about Elpis so far are really that I love how well-defined the characters and the relationships between them are; it is a feast for someone like me who loves character-centric stories.

I look forward to what is coming next; really nearing the final stretch here and I look forward to covering it as I go through it.

[ultfreakme]

Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

This one's a question I'm still thinking about that makes me go in circles Anon.

Initially, I had assumed that morality was defined by intentions. It's easy to see that a person is good when it's someone like Yuuji, there's an innate drive in him to do what is right, the same applies for Megumi who wants to save good people, and Nanami.

Gojo doesn't have this innate drive, taking the right decision does not come naturally to him. He's calculative and needs to rely on others around him to discern what's right and wrong, especially in high school. So you could say he's not a good person, but when you look at his actions, they are driven to save people and ultimately his actions sum up to an overall positive imo.

I don't think Gojo can really comprehend the purpose of saving people the way 'regular' people do because of how far-removed he is due to his powers. It's not that he hates people, he's simply indifferent to the act of heroism or saving people because the loss of a life is not going to wreck him the way it does Yuuji. But through Geto, he realizes that despite not understanding this, he still needs to try and take a stance because if he doesn't, the few people he does care about are going to be affected, and those weaker than him(the Jujutsu Tech higher-ups, curse users like Toji) are going to take advantage of him.

He says he wants the higher-ups to stop with their destructive, outdated ways. To do so, he teaches his students to be stronger, not only to overthrow the old ways but also to protect themselves. So they don't die like his old friends did. He also wanted them to grow stronger so he can finally openly care about someone on equal terms.

It's selfish, but the motive to protect the people you care about, isn't that technically morally good? But he does go to extremes or is on the verge of it. To stop that, he uses others' morality as a scale.

Geto was the person he used to figure out what value the people he doesn't give a shit about hold. Gojo ends up embodying the ideologies Geto used to say, "the strong must protect the weak". It's not because he truly believes it and the lack of this ideology actually infuriates him, it's rather that it's what Geto used to believe. Geto was someone he considered to be on his level, so despite not understanding the mechanics or the empathy involved in that ideology, Gojo adopted it because this is the one guy who can communicate that desire to protect someone to him.

And I think Gojo was quickly understanding that as we see through his consideration and wish to protect Riko. But this understanding quickly became disconnected with her death and his rapid ascension to higher levels of power, making him even more distant. So now he's starting from scratch, relying on Geto's morality even more.

And when Geto leaves him, Geto's apparently completely flipped.

So I thought "then why isn't Gojo following Geto anymore?". And I think it's because when Geto reverses his morals, he didn't explain it to Gojo. On top of that, now their power difference puts them on different levels.

Now Gojo is left with the shadow of what Geto's ideologies used to be, and he understands that to an extent. He doesn't understand Geto now and he's blocked off. So he embraces the shadow, the traces of the morality he did understand and crafts his decisions based on this framework.

He also doesn't condemn Geto because the last time they truly understood each other's grief was with the death of Riko. Gojo knows how much that event changed himself and Geto, he understands the pain of failure and the things it can do to you. And because of this, he can never hate him. This would mean putting an ideology or morality above himself. That's impossible since Gojo's morality is secondary and detached from the core of who he is.

Gojo, to the core of what he is, will care about Geto. The same way he once cared about Riko making it out alive, or his desire for a fight that makes him go all out as with Sukuna.

Gojo's ideology and morality is a tool he uses to assess and aid the world around him, given to him.

The best way I can say it is, if you take away Yuuji's sense of morality, he stops being Itadori Yuuji. But if you take away Gojo's sense of morality, he'd still recognizably be Gojo Satoru.

Does this make Gojo a bad person? I don't think so tbh. Because an innate sense of morality and desire to save people can turn absolutely horrible(re: Geto), and those who are able to detach themselves from everything can choose actions that lead to greater good.

What do we then, define a "good person" by? Internal thoughts? Actions? Both?

Gojo's 'goodness' and 'badness' is not conventional, and I personally think people who make the right choice through logic though they feel nothing in their heart or soul at the sight of wrongness still are good people. It's hard to actively choose the right thing when there isn't this sinking feeling guiding you. He doesn't condemn or even stop Geto, but he fights him, he protects his students and he wants these kids to live. He even tells Ijichi to go into a manager role because he doesn't want him to die. He does care about his students, that's what I got from reading the chapter tbh, he can't help it if Sukuna is legit stronger than him. He's the one who arranged for a baseball game for the kids instead of 1v1 for the second half of the exchange event. He cares in his won weird, detached way that's probably following guidelines from others. He calls them flowers/plants but he wants them to grow stronger and believes they can take care of themselves now.

Goodness is a choice. Gojo chooses to do the right thing at the end of the day like 9/10 times. So yeah he might not condemn Geto, but neither does Nanami(he still respects the man and he doesn't even have that for GOJO). Shoko doesn't either technically, she walks out of the meeting Yaga calls to stop Geto in JJK0 and talks about him on the same level as Gojo when thinking about them during the Sukuna v Gojo fight.

I think he's a good person, but I understand why people would think otherwise.

[cringecompanionapologist]

Turlough Tales 2: Planet of Fire

I've marked this as a sequel to make it clear that there's an original out there for people to seek out if they need context for these.

I realize that this whole thing is a bit weird. Before the internet, fanzines were where fanfic was published, so these stories from a fanzine really should be on the same level as something posted on Ao3, but it feels different. Magazines are published. Stories have to be approved by an editor, and people pay for the magazine. (in theory, anyway. I'm getting these from archive.org). It makes fanzine fanfics feel more "official" than online ones. They went through a "quality control" process my fics don't have to. So, it's tempting to treat these fanzine stories as more like Short Trips, which were published by either the BBC or Big Finish. But, they're not, so I'm analyzing fanworks as if they can be compared to official EU material, because my zillennial brain can't comprehend pre-internet fanfiction. To people who were active in fandom, reading fanzines in 1996, I probably look like a bit of a dumbass.

Anyway...

I probably should've included a cut like this in the last one. Also, this is gonna take a while. I have a lot to talk about here.

Before we start on this next story, there's a quote in the same issue of the magazine that I think is vital to understanding why this exists the way it does. Peter Grimwade, inventor of the Trions, had a take on them different from anything I've seen anywhere else.

So, this story I think is more based on the idea of Trions as a Planet of Lawyers.

You see, in sci-fi, because writing a planet as complex and diverse as Earth, unless it's the only planet depicted in the story, is virtually impossible, alien worlds are often given a single culture that, though it can be explored in more detail, can pretty much be summed up in a single word. The trope that is doing this is called the Planet of Hats. The "hat" being a single concept that defines the culture of the planet that the audience gets to see. Star Trek has done this a fuckton of times, which a Planet of Logic, Planet of Honor Codes, Planet of Capitalism, and Planet of Pure Devotion to the State, to (not) name a few. (This was about Vulcans, Klingons, Ferengi, and Cardassians, if you're a Trekkie but couldn't figure that out lol).

In Doctor Who, with a few exceptions, specific alien worlds aren't often explored for more than one story, so the clear Planet of Hats you see in Star Trek isn't always obvious. Gallifrey can get a certain amount of development, and a few other planets are featured more than once (Skaro, Mondas, and Peladon, to name a few), but you usually don't get full cultures from them, since Daleks and Cybermen are too uniform to really have much of a culture to speak of. Daleks are the "kill everyone" people and Cybermen are the "convert everyone" people. Sontarans are Planet of War though, so that kind of works.

Trion is never even directly visited by the Doctor onscreen, so it gets little development. They had a civil war and Turlough's from there. That's all the show really gives us. This meant EU media could basically do whatever the fuck they wanted with it, as could fan works. However, there were a few more details that popped up early on, and thus became adopted by most people.

A Brief History of Doctor Who EU Nonsense:

Most Doctor Who EU media began during the Wilderness Years, when the show was off the air. There are a few exceptions to this. Doctor Who Magazine started doing comics in around 1980, and the magazine had a semi-official status, so you had proper tie-in comics for the 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th Doctors while their episodes were still airing.

Before that, there were annuals, yearly books of comics and short stories. The first one of these was published in 1965 and most of them had virtually nothing to do with the show until the 1980s. In the 1980s, JNT became producer and changed how basically everything worked. One of those changes was taking control of the EU, making sure the people working for more popular magazines and working on annuals and ongoing comic strips had access to enough information to know what was going on in the actual show. The children these things were aimed at earlier were assumed to not care, but Doctor Who in the 80s was marketed less to children and more to people who'd already been watching Doctor Who for at least a decade. The show took on a more serious tone and referenced its continuity more to pander to this new target demographic, and making sure the annuals didn't contradict the show was just a nice little side effect of the change.

This also applies to TV Comic, a comic strip that began in 1964 and was running beside and pretty much completely detached from the show throughout the 60s and 70s. It basically ended when DWM took over Doctor Who comic writing duties.

But, I just wasted your time on a bunch of this that don't matter here, because the only pre-1990 EU relevant to this story are the Target novelizations and a short-lived book series called The Companions of Doctor Who.

Planet of Fire got a novelization, like all classic serials eventually did, but it was one of the lucky ones to get a novelization not long after the episodes aired, written by the same person who wrote said episodes, making the serial and its novelization sort of equally canon to each other, coming from the same brain. The serial aired in 1984 and the novelization came out in 1985.

The novelization added a bit to Turlough's backstory, namely that the civil war was a revolution against the Imperial Clans, a group of families that had ruled the planet before. Turlough's family was one of the Imperial Clans. When the regime was overthrown, surviving members of the clans were either executed or exiled. What the Imperial Clans were beyond "the rulers of Trion" is never elaborated upon.

But, in 1986, someone did. This was the first of a series of spin-off novels called The Companions of Doctor Who, which followed companions after they left the TARDIS. In the end, the series had only three entries, the third of which was a novelization of K9 and Company, a failed spin-off about Sarah Jane and K9. So the only real entries are Turlough and the Earthlink Dilemma and Harry Sullivan's War. Harry Sullivan's War had the advantage of being written by Ian Marter, who played Harry and therefore understood the character very well.

Tony Attwood, who wrote Turlough and the Earthlink Dilemma, had nothing to do with the show and the both is not well-liked by Turlough fans. As far as I can tell, Attwood did talk to Mark Strickson while writing the novel, but not to Peter Grimwade, which he wasn't happy about. Still, the Imperial Clans from the novelization were included in The Earthlink Dilemma, portrayed as a sort of caste of scientists that ruled Trion for millennia, while mostly allowing the commoners to do their own thing. A lot of work is done to make the Imperial Clans seem good and make the leader of the revolution a terrible person who basically led a Reign of Terror (her name is Thatcher spelled backwards!!!).

This means that when Trion is given a Planet of Hats effect, they're more often a Planet of Scientists than a Planet of Lawyers. Turlough is proud of Trion scientific achievements and, when he returns to Trion, welcomed back as a hero and offered political power in the democratic government, he instead decides to be an astrophysicist. He just wanted to be a scientist this whole time. It's actually a pretty interesting take on the character, which is why it tends to stick around.

But, this story in this fanzine (remember that that's what this post was supposed to be about?) really leans into the Planet of Lawyers aspect and offers an alternate ending.

You can tell it's not canon because Vizlov. Not Vislor, nor Vizlor, but Vizlov. Oops.

Anyway, you can see that this version of Turlough was apparently charged with treason for rebelling against the government, instead of being part of the regime that was rebelled against. Said government is referred to as New Trion though, which muddies the waters.

Turlough's exile has a different purpose here. The Trions are basically trying to gain legal control of Earth and Turlough's exile was intended to have him eventually participate in that plan, as well as training in "primitive systems" as a sort of character-building exercise.

It seems that Turlough was blamed for the destruction of Sarn, because the Trions had no idea about the Master or anything else that was going on there. They thought Turlough, after escaping Earth, deliberately destroyed Sarn for Reasons. The exact charges:

He did escape his exile on Earth.

"Consorting with undesirable aliens" is an interesting one. Since Trions are actively involved on Earth, I don't think this would mean humans. This might mean the Doctor? Other EU works reveal that the Time Lords colonized Trion, so there might be a conflict there.

He's also seen as being involved in overthrowing the religious regime on Sarn, which is apparently protected in some way. Sarn is also considered government property that Turlough destroyed because, once again, the Trions don't know what actually happened and have no interest in listening to Turlough.

The Trions also have no way of knowing about Tegan, since she'd already left by Planet of Fire, but this bit is funny.

Turlough had been lured to Trion under false pretenses, expecting not to be immediately arrested again. There's some Lawyer Speak: You won't be persecuted for his previous crimes, but they will persecute him for new ones. Also Lomand has taken credit for Turlough's heroics. The bastard. Also, apparently political criminals don't exist because the motivation of the crimes do not matter...

Though, this story, like The Earthlink Dilemma, doesn't say what happens to Malkon in all this.

He can't prove the existence of the Guardians. Though, when it comes to his departure from Earth, Turlough is actually being dishonest here. He chose to go with the Doctor and was obviously desperate to escape Earth, so he is actually guilty on that one.

Also, Turlough encountered Tractators, which is enough to justify exile, because existing in the same space as Tractators threatens Trion? Because it's an infection? Maybe they're the "undesirable aliens"...

So, instead of going back to Brendon, he's now basically an intern to the lawyer who'd been handling his case, possibly to once again participate in the legal conquest of Earth they've got going.

We end on a sort of Where Are They Now? where we learn how Turlough's doing in 1996 (present day when the zine was published).

"Doctors have been manipulating him all his life" Ouch...

He definitely has reason to feel abandoned by the Doctor here. The Doctor didn't exactly check to confirm that Turlough was actually going home as a hero and not being lured into a trap. Perhaps the Doctor could've explained things to the other Trions somehow, or just straight up helped him escape.

So Turlough becomes a lawyer in an army of lawyers from the Planet of Lawyers trying to take over Earth. That's hilarious but also sad.

I still prefer "Returns to Trion as a hero but turns down the spotlight to become an astrophysicist" though.

[copperbadge]

I don't know the extent to which having to count on your fingers is part of what makes you feel not good at math, but I think you can be very good at math and still count on your fingers. I add on my fingers and I have a PhD in a math-based discipline. Not trying to discount your self assessment at all just wanted to add the data point.

Aw, thank you! There are bigger issues for sure than being unable to remember small-sum addition -- I do genuinely struggle with a lot of math conceptually, it's not just the mechanics that bog me down. Pretty much everything that requires that part of the brain -- math, grammar, musical theory, coding -- I really am not equipped to comprehend or retain. But also like, I don't use much math in daily life, even working as a researcher who does quite a bit of quantitative analysis, and you don't need to know musical theory to play the ukulele, so it's not a big deal.

There are things in life I've been prevented from doing by my inability, but it's not like working harder would have fixed that, so at least I just gave up early and used that energy on other, more productive things. I doubt, for example, that I could ever "learn to code" -- it's simply not something within my ability -- but a lot of devs I've met can't write a coherent email, let alone a novel, so it all averages out in the end. And knowing my limitations has allowed me to focus on my skills -- those failing grades in high school are irrelevant now, but the prose skills I developed while failing math class are still useful to me. :D

[ridl]

Gen question what made u ship ganqing so much?

Great question! Prepare for an essay tho hhhh

I played Genshin at launch but got bored quickly and stopped before I even met Keqing or Ganyu. I learned abt their existence thru fanfics, while looking for some wlw fiction to read. “Cornerstone” in particular is a fantastic fic that was being updated at the time. The author put a lot of care and effort into treating those characters seriously, and fleshing them and their dynamic out, which the game generally fails at.

Their dynamic just instantly captivated me. The way they went from being at odds, with their clashing beliefs, to reaching a mutual understanding. To caring abt each other. And it was never just pure hate, but something much more complicated and nuanced.

Back then it was just voicelines abt each other, and both characters had barely any screentime in general, but it was interesting enough of a basis. I started playing again, missed Ganyu's og banner but was lucky to win my 50/50 on Keqing's once-in-a-lifetime limited banner lmao. And the more I learned about them, the more I liked them.

I not only love ganqing, but I also love both characters individually, their personality, story, design, gameplay, they somehow just have everything that’s interesting and appeals to me.

Keqing is the Yuheng of the Qixing, meaning one of the leaders of the country, approved by Rex Lapis. She’s very pro humanity and believes that humans should fare for themselves, rather than rely on the archon. Not many ppl dare to think this, much less say it to Morax's dragon-adeptus face during the rite of descension. So she’s seen as controversial and disrespectful, and Ganyu as a devoted follower who worked closely with Rex Lapis for thousands of years just doesn’t understand Keqing. Rex Lapis absolutely approves of Keqing’s belief, and Ganyu cannot comprehend it no matter how much she respects and trusts him. It’s a very interesting conflict, that eventually gets resolved, giving us the basis of their potential romantic relationship.

Keqing and Ganyu are both very devoted to Liyue, so they’re both similar but also different. They complement each other. Keqing with her modern approach, quick and efficient, straightforward and bold. Ganyu with her old approach, with her opinions and strength hidden, not very straightforward. A confident human who knows what she’s about, and half-qilin that feels lost between the two worlds. But after Morax’s passing, they manage to find understanding, they go thru character development now just in terms of their relationship, but also them individually, and in relation to Morax. They can change each other too. They can learn so much together, from each other. Keqing how to be more patient and deal with uncertainities, while Ganyu how to be bolder, voice her opinions more and just live more for herself.

Ganyu is no longer bound by her contract, but she remains with the humans. She’s working alongside Keqing, in this new human era of Liyue. And while their limited screentime is locked behind time-limited events, it really shows that change, it shows how they care about each other. It shows Keqing’s relations with the adepti and how interesting it is considering her beliefs, and especially with Ganyu’s mother figure.

You could technically just sum them up in popular tropes like “enemies to friends to lovers”, "mortal x immortal" or “opposites attract”, but I think it’s so much deeper than that. I find ganqing's relationship very interesting and unique bc of their personalities, relations with each other and other ppl as well as their country, the setting, their stories, their identities, the conflict and character development they go through.

The game only gives us crumbs, but it also gives so much space and potential for this pairing. It’s never fully explained how it all changed between Ganyu’s voiceline how she started understanding Keqing a little, and their interactions in moonchase/lantern rites, where they’re clearly on very good terms. But I think that’s fine. It gives us freedom to truly flesh them out. Genshin’s storytelling is pretty crappy in the first place lol, so I think it’s cool to just take the interesting ideas, and make something much greater out of it.

And if you’re interested, ganqing related links:

Some fic recs (limited to canon setting): - (Chuminder has written 4 fics that are technically seperate, but they work very well as a series so i recommend this order) Blue the Color of a Goodnight, Cornerstone, Taproot, Passage - Heartbeat of the world - In the wake of - She, with the scent of flowers and lightning - A Better, Brighter Light

My chaotic compilation of bigger and smaller crumbs, including some stuff abt those characters individually:

It’s just things I find interesting, or that could be used in describing their dynamic and relationship, or just official images. They’re underrated characters, both by the fandom and the game itself imo.

Also an excellent thread, with similar idea and better screenshots (lol) i saw on twitter: https://twitter.com/gqlovebot/status/1672183539973111808

[le-trash-prince]

OF Episode 6 Thoughts: SandRay

Boyyy. BOYYY. THIS EPISODE.

Sand I get that you hate Top and can’t stand seeing him be happy and buying Apple Sodas for his bf, but manipulating Nick and Ray to get at Top was not it. HIS BROKE ASS DESTROYING HIS OWN PHONE WAS UNHINGED. SCREEN REPLACEMENTS ARE SO EXPENSIVE 😭😭😭

I wonder if perhaps Sand doesn’t know Ray well enough to have realized how much of a loose cannon he can be. I feel like he should have gone to Mew himself, even if they don’t know each other that well. Feels a bit shitty to use Ray as the messenger, but I have to say I enjoyed watching Sand be a bit shitty so whatever

I really hope we get the full scoop on what went down with his ex because Sand is NOT letting this shit go.

The bar scene was impeccable. I thought it was just gonna be Ray going off on Top, but he brought out the whole damn burn book! The entire time I was just yelling “RAY NOOO” but honestly, I can understand him for exploding on his friends after the way they act like they’re better than him!

“Yay everyone is a couple! Oh except for Ray oops” and the way Mew immediately jumped to making accusations on Ray just from seeing him come out of a bathroom stall 😭 like bro is a man not allowed to take a dump in peace. Mew really ripped into him, and I get that he’s coming from a place of concern and being tired of beating around the bush, but Jesus Christ Mew.

So yeah I can see why Ray would explode because everyone in this group is shitty, they just pretend that they aren’t. And I guess if Ray was gonna blow up about TopMew at Mew’s own birthday party, he might as well go off on everyone else.

But also why did you have to do this in public at Mew’s fucking birthday party Ray 😭

Also I think it was shitty what he said about Sand not wanting to be a singer, just doing it for money! Some people are not born into wealth, Ray!!!! You know Sand has to pay for his own school and his mom’s debts! And you can’t even act like you’re pursuing a passion for the sake of the art!

ALSO Rays comment to Sand in the parking lot was uncalled for, like sir this man is trying to save your life and you dare to call him a whore???

I guess we know now how Ray’s arm ends up in a sling. I hope this can be a turning point for him coz SON you have got to learn to love yourself. He and Sand are a long way from being able to manage dating if Ray can’t even comprehend the thought of someone caring about him as one human to another. Ray has got to be able to get beyond depending on other people to save him, and that can be a very difficult road. Also Sand has gotta move past whatever the fuck happened with his ex! Because that’s been affecting his relationship with Ray from the beginning

That about sums up my thoughts on this episode, although I will add I was very devastated at wanting more Cheum/April only to end up with Cheum talking shit about her gf 😭 But I respect April for her reaction and demanding better communication.

BostonNick post

TopMew post

[sandsbrainhasspoken]

So I've fallen back into the pokemon fandom after years of essentially only keeping an eye on things. Because of this, I have now played both Legends Arceus and Scarlet and first I want to say: I LOVE both games, I can NOT comprehend why people act like these are terrible games.

Sure, they have their issues at points, but they are fun? Most people's "issues" seem to occur when they try to do things that are out of the normal? Like, they are /intentionally/ 'stress' testing the game and acting as though what occurs is 'game breaking'??? Like, no??? Most people won't encounter these issues unless they are intentionally /trying to break the game/. But also, most of these issues /fix themselves/ if you give them time, and are therefore, /not gamebreaking/.

I also do not understand why people call either game ugly? While there are areas and textures that don't look too great, there are plenty of areas that I have to stop to appreciate my surroundings. Especially in arceus, with its beautiful sky.

I've seen multiple people say that 'gamefreak' refuses to listen to their feedback, and I just have a question for people who think this, have you played any of the recent games at all??? They are substantially different from previous games /because/ they took in feedback.

Some people even state that Scarlet and Violet have "no effort" put into them, which is such a stupid thing to say??? It is the biggest region byfar, with more details in the areas you explore, more detailed textures and models on pokemon, the most customization of (to my knowledge) ANY pokemon game, the best storyline of any mainline pokemon game (I don't include non-mainline because I have not played enough of those to form a true opinion), and some of the best characters in the series.

Honestly, what I've learned from this is that many people refuse to look at the (many) positives and only look at the (few) negatives when formulating their opinion on newer pokemon games.

As a note, though, not everyone's criticisms of these games are unfair. I mean, the performance and graphics in certain areas certainly could have been improved, but calling the game bad because of it is absurd. I've seen people who, previously, complained about many of the previous games 2D graphics, state that they would rather go back to the /very same/ 2D graphics they complained about...

Also, to the people who complain about the ease of either game, note that not everyone is well-versed with the game series, and that even those of us who are somewhat well-versed in the game mechanics struggle because we don't optimize our teams to the max. I mean, in arceus, even with some really good pokemon, I nearly lost to /Beni/, and that was while using items. And in scarlet I nearly lost so many battles that, at this point, I've lost count. Should the games probably have a way to set difficulty? Yeah, but that doesn't make the game not fun. Look at games like Minecraft, arguably, it is an easy game. However, it is still fun (for most people that play it, there are, of course, people who don't like sandbox games likes minecraft).

Anyways, to sum this up, I like the games and don't find them to be bad games. You can, of course, think otherwise, I just recommend thinking more critically rather than just complaining. Letting minor inconveniences taint our opinions on the game in its entirety only leads to toxicity with no growth.