#like im losing all my social skills guys

[jadie0]

summer

summer strings you out and stretches you

leaves you to dry like meat on a wire

frayed thin, tendons close to snapping

nothing but hot skin and buzzing flies

rough sheets and restless nights

summer is seamless and raw

leaves you prickly and itching all over

flushed cheeks and peeling skin,

tantalizing and torrefied

like something shaped for burning,

like something waiting to be set alight

[kurishiri]

Ring and Nica bond level story summaries (up to level 4)

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ these are crude story summaries that are meant to give you an idea of what’s happening in the story. it’s not a pretty translation 😅 i don’t have darius here because i haven’t raised his bond level yet, but i may post about his bond stories later unless someone else posts translations? but if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

nica 🍒

bond level 3: “eating a meal together”

nika is like “relax a little more and lets enjoy dinner. todays a social gathering for vogel”

then hes like “did yk robin? they say you can tell someones char from the way they eat. if they eat quickly, theyre hasty and dont like losing. and the opposite means theyre more laid back. ..well, which do you think i am?”

"im in the middle of watching": nikas like "oh is that so? then feel free to look on more. ah, i can keep my clothes on, right?"

"ur a superficial person": nikas like "yep, i get told that a lot. i happen to reaaally like women - including you, ofc?"

"u dont enjoy ur life that much": nikas like "......hmm? so ur the type to like guys who r pitiful and unhappy?"

nikas like when we finish eating lets tell each other our answers then.

"come to my room, robin. we can get to know each other more there.."

bond level 4: skills

nika is like "sorry to keep you waiting robin. oh? why do you look so surprised? ahh did you think a fox (harrison) was coming or smth"

"the card that got sent to u, that was written by me. thats right, its forged handwriting"

"its one of my skills. did you enjoy it, robin?"

"absolutely not": nikas like "and as ive been sayinggg, hearing u say that is like the highest praise to me"

"bye (im leaving)": nikas like ehh ur going back already? even tho this part is known for not having many carriages around.

glare at him silently: nika is like oh, i like that frustrated look on ur face. im into that (<- this sentence is prolly not completely accurate)

then he’s all like "aww, you’re so mean. dont u think im here just bc i miss u (w/o an ulterior motive) 🥺"

"pfft, hahaha! u get touched so easily like that.. ahh ur such a strange one 😆"

"lets go, robin, and take me around london. lets see.. a place where theres a lot of girls would be great :]"

ring 💍

bond level 3: “eating a meal together”

ring is eating and finishes his portion quickly.

kate offers her portion: ring is like "noo you should eat ur portion"

when kate says there r seconds: ring is like "omg ur a genius :D"

"i'll give u my portion": ring is like "eh- ah. is.. it really ok? ..thank u then. i'll eat it all (i.e. with care)"

and then he says he didnt intend to get close to kate bc shes a fairytale keeper and hes part of vogel, but kate had been so kind to him so he became kinda like confused xD

bond level 4: skills

ring is naming flowers. and kate apparently caught him in 4k so he is all flustered like "omg.. dont tell me u.. saw all of that?"

"i didnt see anything": ring is like but theres a grin on ur face.. ur kind of bad at lying.

"..im sorry": ring is like "when you apologize so sincerely like that, i feel bad for being surprised.."

"well, i wonder abt that?": ring is like "d-dont grin like that >,> you have a teasing side to u too, huh.."

but anw he says that "yes i do like flowers :> when im free i try to remember the names of flowers and their meanings"

"why..? well that's.. to make frie- i mean, its nothing."

he asks kate to forget what she saw here and then is like "bye ttyl"

when hes like some distance away from her he whispers to himself that he shouldnt get close to the fairytale keeper.

[random-potat]

and they were roommates - kjs. - pt. 6

part 6. mission: don't burn the house down (wc. 459)

Walking into your shared room with Haneul and Siyoon, you take in the whole experience. The room was minimal, with large windows bringing in the natural light. There were three beds evenly spaced out with a small walk-in closet toward the left. 

“Ok! So who wants which bed?” Haneul asks. 

You shrug your shoulders. “Doesn’t matter to me; I just can’t wait to sleep.” 

“Oh my gosh, same,” Siyoon exclaims. 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” 

“Let’s go!”

After unpacking your clothes and makeup into the closet, the three of you guys sit on the ground in order to get to know one another.

“Let’s start with the basics,” Siyoon suggested. “Things like birthdays, or like favourite artists.” 

As you nod along, Siyoon speaks, “I’ll go first! My birthday is February 16th, and I really like IU and Lisa from Blackpink.” 

Haneul goes next. “I was born on May 25, and I’m a very big fan of Olivia Rodrigo.” 

Being the last one, you think about who your favourite artists are. “My birthday is ___, and I really enjoy SEVENTEEN, and my mom listened to a lot of 70’s/80’s music when I was growing up, so I really admire ABBA and Queen. 

Just as the conversations get more comfortable with jokes being made, a bell can be heard coming from the living room. 

The three of you all lock eyes. “Guess we have to go outside,” you state. 

Going out of the room, you see the three guys coming out of their room at the same time. Heading towards the living room, you can see what looks like a letter on the coffee table. 

With the six of you guys sitting on the sofas, Youngjae reaches out for the letter and reads it aloud. 

“Welcome to the first official mission of We Became Roommates! Every new home needs to hold a housewarming party, and a housewarming party is not the same with some food. This week’s mission is to come together as a group and make a homemade meal. You guys will be separating into two groups of three by picking sticks that have a colour and heading to the grocery store to get ingredients. The red team will be in charge of the main course, and the blue team will be in charge of the desserts. Happy cooking, and welcome to the new home!” 

You nervously make eye contact with Youngjae, knowing that cooking is not yours or his forte. Baking and cooking are definitely two different things in your head.

Picking out your sticks, you end up in the main course meal team, with Ni-ki and Jongseob. 

“Soo,” you start, “does anyone know how to cook?” 

Crickets. 

“Ok, let’s just try not to burn the house down,” you murmur.

a/n: let's hope they don't burn the food :) also i think u can easily lose a 6ft man at a grocery store but i digress 😌 also dont mind the typo that was on the 4th pic 😀 im actually a lil 🤏 bit behind at doing the drafts for this smau but it's ok 💪 gotta challenge my time management skills (ᴗ_ ᴗ。)╭ i have like a bunch of the storyline planned out just need to actually do the social media part of it and do all those pictures ദ്ദി (ᵒ̴̶̷᷄﹏ᵒ̴̶̷᷅)

synopsis: With long-time K-pop fans asking for another season of the infamous variety show We Got Married, MBC brings it back with a spin-off, We Became Roommates. As a way to bring K-pop fans together, the first season involves six idols born in 2005. With seeing each other every day, doing missions for every episode, making memories, and fans watching and shipping, blossoming friendships and a bubbling romance can't be helped. pairing: idol!jongseob x fem idol!reader genre: idol au, crack, fluff, humour, coworkers to friends to lovers

previous ✉︎ next ✉︎ masterlist

likes and reblogs are appreciated ⋆˙⟡♡

taglist; open 📌: @yoizhrs @sunoostripletriple @seobluv @sirenla @chuuswifereal @rkivegirlsblog @tkooooop @forever-atiny @i03jae @bludzk1llzyuzu @downmainstreet @astro-doll-the-star @rinaforstars @ssweetreveries @finnbbl @keropiimp3 ~ (send an ask or comment if you'd like to be added to the taglist ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊)

[grimm-bot]

I don’t see the parallels between Mable and Ford and Dipper and Stan. Can you explain cause i’m really curious now.

ok ok ok so. im not gonna cite any specific sources sorry im too lazy to go back but i promise you ive watched the series too much for it to be healthy

mabel and ford are both very much similar people. they're both very artistically talented, mabel made a lifelike sculpture of stan so you cant deny this one - they also both have very similar personalities, they're extremely blunt when talking to others and outwardly weird and proud of it, they just express it in different ways. i mean how many times has mabel directly called out dipper for doing Stupid Shit in the same way Ford has to Stan ? like at least three times. at least thrice. and theres definitely a parallel between mabel embracing being a weird little girl and making sweaters every day, eating toothpaste and whatever the unicorn creature from DDAMD was - she could choose to act normal, but why in the world would she ever? and ford not having that choice, so he pursues research of the supernatural to try and find a place for himself amongst the strange and unusual. both are also called out on by society for being strange - mabel just stands up to her bullies a little better than ford does. its also important to note that neither of them socialize normally at ALL. its just that mabel is so confident in herself that when she goes up to you and says HI I'M MABEL MY EARRINGS ARE NACHOS WANNA BE FRIENDS? you're like hell yeah!!! they are!!! lets be friends!!! theyre both so trusting too which leads to them being directly screwed over by bill, it isnt their fault at all but he STILL DOES IT. plus they both briefly dated a supernatural fish creature, and had an absolutely TRAINWRECK of a relationship that altered how they'll approach their future ones - mabels was with gideon, and fords was with bill.

and hoooo their twin. stan directly sees some of his younger self in dipper, most notably in dreamscaperers, which is why he tries to toughen the kid up. the two of them also solve a lot of their problems with Punching. as soon as dipper loses access to the journal he starts swinging. bro jumped off a cliff to punch a massive robot in the eye and also swung at a massive triangle god. he was NOT hesitating he just started swinging, exactly what stan does!!! and its for their twin. soooo much of what the both of them do is in pursuit of the goal of keeping their twin safe or getting them to safety. dipper sticks up for mabel against Pacifica exactly how Stan did for his family in Gideon Rises. they're also VERY intelligent + resourceful, and can fly by the seat of their pants with random information, stan rebuilt the portal with about a third of the blueprints and with zero funding, and dipper is shown doing complex math in an instant and using what little info the journal has on various threats to thwart them - part of this is also social intelligence. mabel may be a social butterfly but dipper and stan know who to trust and when and navigate their relationships extremely carefully. theyre also hella good at convincing people to do what they want - dipper redeemed at least two people by just talking to them, the only difference between the skill they have with words is that stan uses his to convince people to keep coming back to the mystery shack so he can make money, and dipper uses his to get people to fight back against injustice. i also dont think i need to tell you how insecure the both of them are in their identities. thats not even getting into the themes of self sacrifice

sorry this was long but tl;dr: a cutiepie wearing sweaters with a book vital to the plot whose eccentricities define them, and a smart&sly guy who has a way with words, with a front meant to hide their insecurities. okay was i talking about mabel and dipper or ford and stan in that order

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey thanks for accepting this ask. So what I wanted to ask is how the amazing digital circus crew would react to a reader who's a strong hero...that's incredibly optimistic, dense and Guilable thinking that the world acts like a cartoon/comic sometimes

TADC cast x comic hero type reader!

meant to start knocking out these last two requests earlier this morning but i had to clean up the house a bit; but im finally getting onto it! reminder that requests are currently closed and any requests sent in will not be answered and will be deleted to keep the inbox clean; so please keep your requests until i announce theyre open again! plan on taking a day or two off to rest my brain n back as well as catching up on art and my own personal fic. the requests being answered currently were sent in prior to requests closing with that said, i hope you enjoy this anon!!

CAINE:

honestly i think caine would be the same way, not exactly but i think he would some of the cluelessness in terms of how the real world works... except its mostly with the non digital real world; call it inexperience or something! lets you play hero during the IHA.. honestly you kind of fit right in with your personality, with tropes and being a stereotypical comic book hero, if not a little naïve. pretends he doesnt recognize you when you walk around in your "citizens disguise"

likes coming up with villain npcs for you to fight during adventures

POMNI:

initial confusion when she sees you just walking around with a tie plastered to your chest, asks you what its for as well as dropping your name. even more shocked that youre shocked that she knows who you are. kind of just accepts this is a thing you do and doesnt question it, especially as she settles into the digital world.. at least youre handy during IHA.. i think during my little break i might try to figure out how i wish to right pomni because i really do wish i made her stuff more... interesting

RAGATHA:

honestly i think she would make you stuff to add to your disguise. doesnt want to shatter the illusion for you so she just tries to casually give you stuff out of the kindness of her heart... which isnt... totally wrong.. honestly i dont think she would try to change you or bring up the bad disguise thing so long as its not somehow putting you in danger. in fact i think she finds your whole hero personality endearing, you guys are both optimistic and its nice to be around someone who isnt just. losing their marbles or being a dick.. plus, you arent technically wrong to view the digital world as a cartoon, i mean, look at it and look at the physics of the world and all

JAX:

oh he is going to be a menace, probably makes a joke villain persona to mess with you only for you to immediately gun for him and deal with his "evil antics",, i mean hey as long as jax doesnt put his silly little villain mask back on you wouldnt suspect a thing... maybe... i think he would roll his eyes at some of the things you say, since youre way more optimistic and out there than ragatha... probably uses your gullible..ness... as a means to trick you

KINGER:

honestly the "as a royal myself" line he dropped in the pilot makes me think that at some level he believes himself to be a real king; or maybe he was just REALLY playing into his whole theming and he knows hes just some dude but was trying to appeal to the gloink queen... what im trying to say is that i think there might actually be a solid chance he fully leans into your hero thing, and perhaps even falls for your disguise (if him constantly forgetting gangle is standing right next to him says anything about his observation skills and/or mental state)

ZOOBLE:

similar to jax but also not. finds your optimism a little too much sometimes; especially if youre very outwardly social and friendly so its not like you swoop in to do your hero duties but you also stop to talk to the 'civilians' of the circus.. though unlike jax they wouldnt try to trick you, nor do i think they would exactly be mean to you. a little irritable by your energy and attitude, maybe, but i think zooble gets irritated by almost everyone in the circus.. reluctantly plays along with your disguise

GANGLE:

i think she would be into it, probably draws you in your non-disguise outfit. you get fanart, yay! probably similar to pomni in the whole, just accepts how you are both as a person and with your antics, but i think she just accepts everything everyone else does! not much to say, shes a fan of it and if you stand up for her when jax is mean thats just an added bonus for her

[aropride]

thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

[time-is-restored]

fellas that last ted lasso episode. hmm.

listen i'll be real no matter what im gonna be out here gushing abt trent crimm cause he's my special little guy and im obsessed with him, but considering the Literal Paragraphs ive been writing abt all the shit i LIKED about the show, i didn't know how else to process these Less Good emotions than by blurting it all out over like two hours (instead of doing the dishes, lmao).

tldr; s3e2 was such an emotional high point for me, since i really felt like it had something concrete + specific to say about physical violence + social/emotional violence, and how they're BOTH highly valued as masculine ideals. but the episodes since then...

it kind of feels like im watching the result of a long and bloody fight between different writers? writers who, apparently, wanted Very different things from this last season, so now we're getting this. bizarro world mish-mash of two hypothetical shows, where tone + content + themes vary WILDLY and inconsistently from episode to episode - and even scene to scene!

[cw: discussions of sexism + racism, in a doylist context, also s3e5 spoilers]

specifically, i feel really disappointed and hurt that they went that direction with shandy's arc. i understand that we're only half way through the season, and obviously anything could happen between now and then but... really? like, is there some kind of budgeting issue here? we can't afford for there to be more than three (complex, not sexy lamps) women in any given episode? is that why the second jack appears, barbara loses any depth (what happened to that lovely moment of connection with the snow globes????????), and THEN the second SHANDY goes off her head it's. jack time? apparently???? like. this would feel a lot better as a viewer if at this point the show hadn't PRIMED me for jack doing something insanely stupid + cruel for no reason except 'haha Keeley Bad At Her Job'.

like. the first thing we see of shandy fine is her pride in keeley, and genuine appreciation of her hard work and skill. she's CLEARLY not stupid, otherwise why would the rest of her introductory scene be her helping keeley out with filmmaking advice (the extras thing) AND random, life experience shit (knowing how to deal with goat shit)?? she knows her way around a set, and she doesn't make any of the footballers feel judged, even when she's clearly thrown by the clips they're providing her.

so why in the space of like, barely a few weeks, does ALL of that get thrown out the window? 'condoms for balls'??? why are we supposed to just take for granted that she's stupid + overly ambitious (other than the Fucking Obvious!) when the show put NO effort into actually setting that up???? like, if her first scene was her monstrously fucking UP the shoot for keeley, and keeley hired her on pure sympathy then like. sure. whatever. no room for bleeding hearts in business. but that ALSO sucks as a story line for ted lasso, a show that (according to its OWN press releases!) is supposed to be about kindness and human connection and breaking cycles!

it just. it hurts? in a way where its like, i don't believe even a little bit that this was what the writers were aiming for with those scenes, and it frightens me that there could be such a wide gulf between intent and result. especially when bonding about The Shandy Incident is what got keeley and jack together (which i am trying... So hard to feel positive about, because explicitly confirming keeley's bisexuality is amazing, least of all bc it makes her jokes with rebecca feel a lot less mean-spirited on the writers' parts, retroactively)... like how am i supposed to be enjoying their moments together when i feel like the show's whole premise has been betrayed???

and really? the one moment nate gets to feel good in this WHOLE season, it's bc the server at the restaurant who previously could not care if he dropped dead right in front of him showed him some affection + validation?????

like, sure, i GUESS im happy that this random excuse for an arc has lead to a slightly more sympathetic female character existing at least in the PERIPHERY of the show's main storyline, except no im fucking not? i don't care about this fucking restaurant, and even though ive been DESPERATELY trying not to hate jade (even though the writers themselves can't seem to decide if she's Literally Racist or just a depressed service worker) NATE shouldn't care about jade! the ONLY way i can see this being an actually interesting arc for nathan is if its another exploration of his inability to leave behind the things + people that have hurt him, combined with years of conditioning where he's never allowed to express being annoyed/upset at anyone (which richmond!!! contributed to!!!!!! 'if you're mad, count to ten. if that doesn't work, count again'??? cool speedrun tips for resentment ted!). like, an arc where we see that distance away from richmond hasn't helped nate as much as it's removed some of the worst triggers, so a taste of athens ends up in the same awful pit of resentment + loathing as ted did. which nate clearly hates! he doesn't LIKE being that person! he apologised to a PAINTED DOLL of ted!!!! but when he doesn't have the framework or tools or SUPPORT to do anything else...

like. where is his team? obviously im not expecting the show to start being about a bunch of football players that AREN'T from richmond but? even just a small moment of appreciation? or hell! maybe they hate him! if we could see LITERALLY ANYTHING abt the sport which nathan has dedicated his life to, and how his Actual Coaching style is positively or negatively impacted by the lessons he learned at richmond? this is a show ABOUT football!!!!!

i just. a taste of athens? again? a-fucking-gain?????

and honestly, the worst part is that i REALLY liked the little monologue that nate got to give about how important the restaurant was to him! as much as it showed that nate is still just as passionate + earnestly defensive of the things he loves, it ALSO shows that he 1. spends that energy explaining his passion to people who don't deserve it/won't care, and 2. gets attached to things that really fucking hurt him! and like. i am on my hands and KNEES for that to be the 'point' of this arc but at this point i feel like that's me being naive! but if fucking JADE from fucking ATHENS is the civilising white gf who FINALLY talks nate down from him ~ ignorant, vengeful crusade ~ against the absolute ~ matyrs ~ of goodness at afc richmond, i just. like. what are we even DOING here gang?

i don't know. it hurts that sam's gone from being an almost principal character in s2 to only getting passing lines in s3. it hurts that rebecca's off in her own world, talking to strangers, having life-changing revelations on her own, surrounded by sets we're never going to see again, where every scene she DOES get to spend w one of the richmond members feels hasty and rushed, like the episode wants to get a few characters obligatory appearances out of the way asap. it hurts that all the chekov's guns around zava's arc (jamie's resentment, ted's lack of guidance, dani being 'demoted' + colin being benched) were apparently all just blanks, to be hastily plastered over with one big long speech about... ted wanting everyone to have higher self esteem, or something?

and listen, more the fool me if another episode comes out next week that i completely adore, and i spend like five days singing its praises. im mostly writing this so i can go INTO the next ep without feeling resentful + upset! i'll be STOKED if i was wrong and all of those little details ARE actually important, and these arcs have more to them than this! but for now im just sad and annoyed :(

[andromeddog]

pls talk more about your scottish highlander regiment ocs…… they are so enchanting.. i love the officers

anon i hope you are prepared for a lot of rambling under the cut

hello and welcome to my twisted mind.... i'll try to condense the 10k google doc of lore into something passable here. BASICALLY all of these ww1 guys are part of a web of interconnecting stories that intersect and span before/during/after the war. the main group are the four rugby boys who live in Stirling, Scotland and are drawn into the war in 1916 following the military service act...

from left to right we've got connor, james, peter, and johnny! excuse my bad handwriting but here's the jist of their dynamics. they play rugby together before everything goes to shit (peter is captain, james is the star player, johnny is stupidly reckless, and connor keeps getting into fights) a group of good guys, if a bit rowdy. they join up with the 14th Service Battalion of the Argyll & Sutherlands and spend most of the war fighting on the western front!

two old sketches of johnny and peter..... i think these r from like spring 2022? anyway i could go into more detail about their interpersonal issues but it's a lot and i feel like that could b its own post... ultimately connor gets killed taking out a stormtrooper (another oc) and peter loses a leg about a week later. james contracts influenza and gets sent home but eventually recovers, leaving johnny to finish out the war by himself. their group is definitely not the same after the war, and peter & james in particular really struggle with ptsd in the following years.

AND THE OFFICERS. WOO. aka toxic old man yaoi aka Lt Kincaide and Lt Irvine. these two spend like three full decades being catty and hating each other before they end up getting together LOL it goes something like this: kincaide is from a wealthy family, irvine is not, they meet at school and end up going to the same military academy prewar. they rly hate each other from the beginning and would probably just be petty rivals HOWEVER. irvine is sneaking around somewhere he 1000% should not be and catches kincaide in a very compromising position w another man. irvine intends to tattle but kincaide blackmails irvine into keeping quiet- irvine is there solely on scholarship and kincaide has enough social clout to ruin his military career. basically if kincaide goes down he's taking irvine with him.

that sets the stage for a decades long contentious relationship- partially bc they just keep bumping into each other. irvine obessively tries to find ways to end kincaide's career and kincaide loooooves fucking with him. individually they're very competent people- kincaide is an especially beloved officer even if he is a bit of a romantic snob, and irvine is insanely effective if a bit rigid and cold. these guys got issues on top of issues but proximity eventually leads to a healthy rivalry that becomes something like friendship that becomes basically being married. by the end of the war they are staples in each others lives but they dont get together until a decade or so after it's all over... they each take some damage during the war and spend their later years taking care of each other :')

my beloved old men. they are so fucked up. mutsache4mustache <3

there is so much i could say about them individually and the deep lore but im such a horrendous writer. also this is like a quarter of all of their stuff minus about four characters. the ideal format for this story would be a 300 chapter webcomic/graphic novel but i have neither time nor skill nor attention span for such a sprawling story so it'll just be random illustrations and blurbs in the tags. and my google docs. if any of this has interested ppl i've made a rugby boy playlist and an officers playlist bc im insane. you can get the vibes of their stories a lot better.

and uh i think thats a super rough version of these guys. anon i hope you know that i love you and this ask was so delightful to get <3

[tojisun]

Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.

[thewarnerbrothers]

alright i gotta say something

you really cant do anything when you have a moderately popular blog huh

look. im a lurker at heart. i just happen to have one issue: not being able to shut up when im interested in something. thats the only reaaon this blog exists. i didnt come here to make friends, though i ended up doing that along the way

i dont want or need your pity. what i need is for people i dont know at all to stop putting me under a microscope

newsflash: i dont matter. follower count doesnt matter. at all. do you know what its like having thousands of eyes on you all the time? it sucks

i literally cant do anything

if i block literal strangers, they get mad and try to publicly shame me for it. if i try to settle disputes amicably in private, its seen as bad. if i attempt to be open and transparent with modding decisions, its bad. if i ask people to actually talk to me, they dont. instead they kick up a frenzy in private to coordinate a stupid mass hissy fit disproportionate to any perceived slight they may have endured. if i make friends, people take it personally. people see that as some sort of insult. i cannot be friends with everyone. i wont. this hurts strangers feelings, dspite me not existing for their pleasure.

some of you feel very entitled to my time. you dont own me. i dont owe you anything. ive tried to not lose the few molecules of my mind left on a regular basis because of some people who are no longer in this fandom, and some who still are. and man. i am just. tired. of everyone. all the time.

i think even more than the fact that this series was released (mainly) as a bingewatch fest, what killed this fandom was you

not necessarily you, whoever is reading this. i mean the fans. in general. some of you are so annoying, rude, inappropriate, and willfully lacking in social skills. youre over dramatic. youre moody. youre dramamongering. youre liars. youre bullies. youre self-ascribed victims. you dont care about other human beings.

youre repulsive, frankly

you are part of the reason people have been leaving the fandom in droves. the homophobia. the transphobia. the ship hate. the inability to treat other people with basic human decency. the manufactured scandals. shut up and grow up

you know why i barely interact with larger fandom anymore? ill tell you

waves of harassment to varying degrees ad nauseam

creeps who refuse to even try to keep their fetishes to themselves in private groups that include minors

abusers (most of whom are thankfully now gone)

people befriending me only to reveal that they dont actually like or care about me as a person

the most willfully socially inept people to ever exist

nosy jerks who literally cannot stand not sticking their nose in personal problems that have nothing to do with them

people treating me and my blog like im google adsense. im not a billboard guys

people deciding i am evil for no apparent reason? sdkjfalsdjfa

thinly veiled anythingphobia pretending to be socially just (hi homophobes who imply that being lgbt by nature is 'adult')

people who just make things up. all the time. just make up a lie, say it passionately enough. if you try to defend yourself, youre seen as guilty/suspicious. if you try to resolve things quietly with only those involved, you're seen as guilty/suspicious. cant win

wankers who need to learn why parasocial relationships arent actually meant to be embraced wholeheartedly

really lame one-off trolls tbh

the most fandom discourse-poisoned takes i have seen since su hatedom was at its peak

im just tired of being nice all the time? i think you guys just like taking advantage of people you imagine to be good targets

listen. i am allowed to do whatever i want, regardless of how you feel about it. the same thing goes for you. i tend to try to resolve things reasonably and rationally, but i wont pretend ive never gotten mad or overreacted or made a decision i regret. ive made that pretty known. i like to think i've grown, and ive gone out of my way to apologize to people.

however.

some of yall do not understand that just because your feelings got hurt, it doesnt mean you are deserve an apology or an explanation. sometimes it literally is just a you problem. a skill issue. you need to grow thicker skin. learn how to curate your online experience. get. over it.

lets talk about blocking, shall we?

blocking is great. i block people all the time. i block bots, i block tag spammers, i block people who make posts with rancid vibes, i block people who ive personally interacted with and no longer wish to, i block because i get tired of seeing someones posts, i block people who post things that trigger me, i block blogs with icons i dont like. there's usually no grand reason for it, aside from egregious cases where i've been harassed. its also usually not personal. i will block people who ive followed for years. i dont care. i dont know most of yall. i know i've been blocked by tons of people and that's okay! i would rather people who don't want to interact with me do that.

if you get blocked, thats it. dont attempt to contact me again unless i reach out. im not the only blog in this fandom. youll live without my posts. i am not the arbiter of all things animaney.

im just some guy

i know that the people who need to hear this most will not care nor will they actually absorb what i'm saying. ive gotten a lot of hate over the dumbest crap. im done. i think i need to stop trying to be so friendly, because some of you think being a little pissbaby is the only way to interact with others online.

cant wait til i finally explode one day and just delete everything

tldr shut up leave me alone oh my god its not that big a deal jesus christ

[thinkinthoughts-ideas]

Update on moving onto a boat.

I just watched Surfs up for maybe the second time in my life, and I think it's a highly underrated movie. if its not, I'm writing this in hopes I manifest more Surfs up appreciation in my life.

I think the movies animation is fricken beautiful ✨️✨️They drew so .uch inspiration from professional and novice surfers to get all the movements and stances correct, and they took footage of waves forming and crashing so they could get the most realistically animated waves they could, that coupled with the first hand testimonies of the surfers on how water acts I think they did a really beautiful job 🌊✨️

Does it pass the Bechdel test you may ask?

No. It does not. There are 2 women ( Edna Maverick, Lani Aliikai) and 1 little girl (Kate) in this story, and none of them talk to each other. The little girl does mention Lani, so it's known that they know each other, but they're never in the same scene.

Edna Maverick is Cody Mavericks (the main character) mom. A Rockhopper penguin whose species mates for life loses her husband to an orca whale right after her youngest son Cody is hatched. A single parent now raising 2 kids by herself, a young son hellbent on going against the grain and another son who bullies him for it in a community that shuns individuality. She's caught between wanting to be encouraging to her son while simultaneously not looking like an enabler to the rest of the town.

Cody Maverick is a young man with big ambitions stuck in a small town where community is the biggest priority. Although Cody works hard to hone his skills on his own he is labeled selfish and lazy by his brother and community for not volenteering all of his time for others. Despite being a social pariah. Abd the lCk of support from his family Cody doesn't let anyones disapproval of him dissuade him of his goals of being a great surfer.

I'm not going to do a review of every character, but I'll do one more as I find this character to be delightful and his wiki to be wild. 😁🐓

Chicken Joe!!! Hailing from Marion Ohio, Joe grew up surfing Lake Erie. In 2004, Joe found himself attending an online college course in Yuma, Arizona, and got an online associate degree in psychology from the University of Phoenix. He then moved back to Sheboygan in 2007, where he was picked up to be a surfer for the Tenth Annual Big Z Memorial Surf. (I didn't know he went to college or that college even exists in this universe until I read his wiki) Chicken Joe is the embodiment of the golden Retreiver best friend, just a guy happy doing his own thing 100% of them time and is stoked that you want to do them too. He's the kind of guy that will drive to pick you up from a scary situation if you gave him a snack once because he said he was hungry... how effective he'll be at saving you I don't know because he's not a very focused individual. he's got a heart of gold though and no one can tell me otherwise.

Surfs up is honestly a really nice feel-good movie about finding out why you love what you love and not letting others' perceptions of you get on the way of enjoying yourself. I feel like I need that message sometimes, and if anyone else can relate, I encourage you to watch Surfs Up im sure you'll have a good time.

[mclwcc]

going off his post from when he announced his extension as ceo, most people who dislike him seem to claim it's either because he's american and shouldn't be involved in european motorsport (which is already wild considering f1 is an international competition and not a european one), like this is an exact word-for-word critism that i saw more than one person use. or they're australian and feel that zak/the team unfairly favor lando at the expense of aussie drivers. just look at any mclaren affiliated social media after the australian gp. i personally think both are pretty irrational excuses and like don't get me wrong, i am all for people hating for the purpose of being a hater but if you're going to try to justify your hatred with reasons at least find one based in some sort of logic. or even reality.

anon a person after my own heart i too love hating for the purpose of being a hater but this isnt that, its a more widespread and vitriolic fandom phenomenon that clearly different from, say, me hating on clement novalak bc his eyebrows freak me out, ykwim?

i do think his obnoxious americanism is kind of hard to swallow and thats fair if u find him annoying but it rly doesnt explain to me y ppl immediately label him a villain? maybe bc he has that rich man in a black and white hollywood movie vibe abt him or smth but like surely its smth more serious than that. idk i think its just the american salesman core of it all... he's slimy and slippery and persuasive and he does it VERY well

also like i do think the idea that he mistreats oscar is frankly silly - mostly bc oscar keeps yapping on and on abt how much he likes having a team where hes finally wanted and appreciated, but also bc its clear zak loves the guy. i think ur right in that i do think some ppl think that: i keep seeing ppl on twitter saying that the fact that lando has done a couple factory debriefs that oscar wasnt there for means they clearly favour lando. but like.... if i were renowned introvert oscar piastri i would WAY prefer not having to fly 12h to speak in front of a crowd and instead be allowed to spend another couple days w my family in melbourne. like bffr please

also also can i just say re: team orders bc i think thats the other reason ppl think oscar is mistreated - do ppl not realise that last week oscar literally got the priority strategy? they helped cover him against russell instead of helping lando cover against leclerc, which is how lando ended up losing second place - he wouldve kept it if he'd pit on lap 9 with charles or even maybe lap 10 just after him (if the oscar pitstop was unplanned). and also, in general, lando and oscar often end up on diff strategies where lando shows up behind oscar with fresher tyres (and hence has to b let by w team orders) because lando is better at managing tyre wear. thats y he often gets the stay long - overcut strat (germany situation beloved), whereas oscar is often on the undercut - defend strat, and they'll often meet in the middle. the fact that we get these kinds of strategy team orders is GOOD. it means the team has enough faith in both drivers' skills to give them diff strategies and trust them both to execute them well. it also means the drivers r next to each other on track - id take lando team-order-passing oscar any day over lando blue-flag-passing daniel.... oof.

sorry a defense of zak brown turned into a defense of randy singh but like im just saying that the idea that the entirety of mclaren hates and mistreats oscar is rly quite laughable if ur actually engaged in the strategy game or like if u have eyes idk. im very very glad that oscar has become kind of a people's princess character and ppl rly do seem to universally love him but i find it so infuriating that they have to do so at the expense of mclaren. if u wanna find an enemy to hate on behalf of oscar carlos sainz is literally right there

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Golf Job

Thats Golf with an O not a U. (so its not about BP) its also notably with an F not a D so its not about Hardison returning to learn a lesson on the importance of simplicity in the art of the con either. --- five-hundred and four nails. Thats a large and incredibly specific number of nails (wether hardware or keratin)

Migrant labour, phones and families held hostage. Well our mark at least knows talent when he sees it.

Welcome to America kid, where "upwards mobility" means a sherpa carrying a drunken white man up Mt Everest. --- HURLEY?! I mean i knew you were still around cause Parker mentioned you earlier but to see you is another story.

Breanna is at a coding-camp to get her skills improved. Ok so i know from the TVtropes page of the OG series that there was a korean spin-off, so im assuming that this is a reference to the Korean Spin-off.

But apparently Hurley went from "no longer doing crime" to "I swear im no longer doing crime unless im conned by a hot nun" to "fuck it, if I cant live a life of non-crime i'll at least have someone I trust decide which crimes im doing". --- Golfing trip. Harry loses his ball and stumbles across our Mark. Harry overhears the less-usefull half of the conversation (basically only knows about a "liquidity issue") and witnesses Bao get threatened.

Elliot is at this point so familiar with the whole "busman's holiday" thing that he no longer finds the irony funny anymore.

Ah im starting to realise whats happening. The halloween episode was a "girls night out" and this is the "boys night out" episode. But cause Hardison is only available as a special guest they had to bring in Hurley to avoid working a 2-man crew. Harry's first time having to do an actual B&E himself. Meanwhile elliot is doing his "pretend to be a creepy rich guy oggling the staff who arent paid enough to put up with it" con. (not a fan) Hurley is getting the money by rolling pockets as a server. --- And Harry needs to figure out a password. First two tries fail (both decent guesses) and he knows a third failure will lock him out so he tries Breanna, who is unfortunately unavailable for reasons of coding camp. Oh he's resorted to Social Engineering, taking a leaf out of Sophie's book. Lets see how it plays out for him.

And He's Done It! (Maybe "Imaloser" is a bit on the nose, but it fits the character of "disgruntled IT guy who is sick of these idiots not doing this right")

Something bad enough that Harry's old employers wouldnt be willing to keep it on their servers lest it damage them? Thats bad.

And Harry almost got compromised but quickly pulls the "this is my office" and stealthily distracts her while he removes the pictureframes. He's getting good at this. (but also, he was never bad at it. His first self-made heist was pretty well thought out with exception to the whole "insurance would've covered it" thing.)

little bit more social engineering and he's got access to the paper files (unfortunately he slips and gives himself slightly away, both with his rant on how lawyers are scum and the daughter thing. Yes Saphron has a child but its a baby, not remotely old enough to be someone she'd remind him of) --- Elliot getting confused on the various stupid con-names. (good gag.)

Sophie doing her part of the con in a cameo. (wonder if this is gonna be a repeat of the Girls Night Out Job and next episode lets us see why she's wearnig a moustache in a monastary, but i dont think so)

poor guy's gonna be on hold for hours isnt he... great dart-throw though. Impressive. --- I like Bao's little story about the Golf-club of the Lake. Hurley is trying to reach out but unfortunately, fear is still winning (cause hostages at the nail-salon) --- Harry is taking his understudy on an all-expenses spa-day. Oh she's calling him out earlier then expected (harry is not that good of an actor) but he reaches out and works her on their side.

Greenscreen Parker is rather uncanny valley.

So yeah, he's a human trafficker. --- And we're back to continuity-jokes (thin blue line and that one where he played baseball)

Repeat of Sophie's advice. Ah the magic words... god i hate those. Hurley reverse-engineers the secret to Elliots power: The more Chaos, the better the Elliot.

Little "chaotic Hurley" montage (the keys, thats just low) --- Operation Ultrakaren is a go! And Hurley is going into withdrawal,

Well Harry is definitly undeniably outed to his old company now. (i mean they already suspected, but now Saphron knows)

"shoulda yelled two". a solid 2/2. bows on everything, wrap-up at the theatre.

[not-playable-character]

Some thoughts I've had after finishing Bayonetta Origins

Before my rambling mess of thoughts here's some general ones for those who don't wanna read.

Its a great game 8/10, the only issues I have with it are skill issue based and the parts the revolve around bayo 3, its beautiful and complex and I love finally learning some backstory (even if it's for my least favorite adult cereza) all the voice work and music are amazing. the art is amazing as usual. I'd highly recommend playing it if you haven't already. Also be wary for spoilers in the read more.

Ok so the rambles and game theories

This game made me realize (in my mind) why bayo 3 cereza was so... weak and emotionless. If the ending is to be believed, she left the village to travel the world. This means that she didn't have jeannes teachings and was more or less self taught (explaining the fact she can't use 2 different weapons) it also explains why she is so socially awkward, people on their own can lose those social skills and she's been alone for centuries. I do adore little cereza and her growth, but she wouldn't have the uh.. trauma that the others would have, if she left there's not reason for her to return for the war if anything she would stay far far away, and I doubt she would think her mother couldn't handle herself. Her dream at the end even shows her without the shackles so Rosa would be imagined at full power (which is very formidable). It also makes sense to me that since she is the arch eve origin she would be the worst so to speak, she was the origin everyone else deviated from her and gained new strength where she didn't. But this is all my own cracked out game theory and thinking too much about it (it's not that deep im just a hater of 3)

Now onto Lukaon, I hate him more the learn about him. why are we supposed to root for their romance when all he was shown to do was manipulate cereza and try to murder her closest friend, like yeah he was desperate but he was still an antagonist. They also just straight up made him a clone of cereza, I won't go into how much I dislike that trope but I didn't like it in stranger things dont like it here. They are just ruining Luka to me and I don't like that I enjoyed bayo 1 &2 luka but now he is a shell of what he used to be. I will say that due to being a hater, I did call lukaon being a villain from the beginning. What I didn't call was Morgana being evil and being his mom.

Onto jeanne, her little side story has just made her death worse for me. You are telling me that she KNEW how she was going to die and just did nothing. Nah, this woman may be insane but she isn't stupid. She so into preserving the umbra legacy and having them live on, she would just accept her death.

Also on that note, the destiny thing. Platinum seems to be backpeddling on the themes of destiny. Bayo 1&2 were all about how you can change your destiny and that fate isn't set in stone but in 3 and origins they say you cannot change destiny and it will course correct if you do so it will always happen. Which imo is detrimental to the story cuz that was always a good message but whatever I'm not a writer (even if I try to be sometimes)

I've realized this is all me complaining and it makes me seem like I hate this game, I don't, I live it! It's just easier for me to put my complaints into words than just saying "it's great!" Over and over.

I will say I loved all the characters (minus lukaon) and I really wish they used the fairies instead of the lameculus, they were so fun and actually unique! But that wouldn't make sense in the lore (even if it still kinda doesn't, like why are there no good fairies that support the true royals??? Maybe they weren't as popular as lukaon said) anyway love the little guys. And the wisps! They were super cute. I do wish we had more of Cereza and Jeanne interacting as they were supposed to be best friends as kids but im not too upset as cereza was in the forest the whole time (maybe some flashbacks would have been fun) and here I go complaining in my positive section lol. Anyway it's a great game and it actually brought back my enthusiasm for the series

[meg2md]

Ya'll, I did the Dumb Thing and looked at the residency Instagram page for my ex in IM. What a stupid decision! I knew it was stupid as I was doing it, but I did it anyway. And there he was, looking hot and fit as fuck, looking like a badass fucking doctor, being social and well-liked. Here I am, 3.5 months out (which is like, at LEAST half of the time we were together bc we were dating for 6-7 months), apparently still thinking about him, while he forgot about me LONG LONG AGO

I'M SO ANNOYED AT MYSELF.

I just want to be fit as fuck and a badass doctor and social and well-liked, and instead I'm struggling with

the fallout of having had a mental break-down during my triage rotation and losing some respect among a few of my colleagues

the overwhelming imposter syndrome I have, like I am so below average at fucking everything, like I can't even repair a second-degree perineal laceration by myself and my knots suck and my clinical decision-making is ass and why did I ever think going to medical school was a good idea because I am NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS, and

the regret I have from not choosing a broader field because besides vaginas I don't know ANYTHING, I can't run codes and I know fuck all about cardiology nephrology hematology pulmonology gastroenterology critical care, and my surgical skills are also ass

And I couldn't even go to the gym this week because my cat was sick and didn't eat for over three days and I was so so so anxious :') And my ex is out there being Good At Literally Everything.

and I'm being a little (a lot) dramatic but residency is so hard you guys and I did this to myself and now I'm triggered lol

[am3ricanj3sus]

hi i need to yap fest again.

okay so like im so ah. okay like i need a boyfriend so bad and if i dont get one soon im gonna lose my fucking mind. and its like ik why guys dont like me. im fat, taller than most girls my age, tend to be like annoyingly out going at times and i just think im uglier that most. but its like at the same time i dont wanna fix most of these things cause i like the way that i am. like im fat cool ive been like this my whole life and ive tried so many diffrent things idk what to do other than starve myself. i quite literally cant change my height cause its fun being tall like i can grab things on the top shelf dafuq. im annoyingly outgoing so fucking what just say u have no social skills and dont like that i talk okayyy. and like im ugly what am i gonna do. not surgery tf. makeup is my bestie and we ride till i die. so its like. i think im just like not at the time in my life that guys will like me the way i am? i think thats like why ive always wanted to be with an older guys cause like ive always craved being older myself. like yeah i love being a teenager but i cant wait till im like 27 have a fully developed frontal lobe can drink and like do adult fun stuff. not like taxes and stuff but like the romanticized part of adulthood. like i want a MAN. but its like so embarrassing that ive gone through all 4 years and never even had a romantic relationship. like its so. and like ive done stuff online with like wizz cause i was a loser and horny. also lets talk about how teens are horny next post cause wtf. but anyway. its like my entire life ive only ever been able to imagine myself with an older man cause like no guys my age have ever liked me. and its like. i cant even. like one time my friend was telling me how this guy i had a crush on asked about me cause he thought i was "cool" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEANNNNN. like you think im cool. okay you dont think im pretty? you dont think im like smart or like at least cute? YOU THINK IM FUCKING COOL? THATS WHAT I GET? A FUCKING COOL? i cant even i cant even. like okay thanks for acknowledging me but what the fuck. like. am i just that unlovable im a romantic way? like ik that im lovable by my friends and family but like no guy has ever even pursued my in a romantic way. and i dont even count those times online cause that was me fucking around. but like im so sick and tired. i just want to be loved for who i am and what ill become. BRING BACK MEN THAT YEARN THE WAY THAT I DO CAUSE WHAT THE FUCK.