#like im glad they all ran
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hi yall :3
#lil random update cause this is like my personal public diary#one of my lil cousins friends almost od’ed here#my youngest cousin found her blue and passed out in the snow#we went to grab her and papa (he’s a big can corso/pitbull mix) attacked her….#i was the only adult at the house at the time and i literally could not get the dog off of her it was genuinely terrifying#i thought i was going to watch her get mauled alive#he let go eventually tho! and she’s….i guess okay#she came back over for the first time since it happened#and she was high again…#AND SHE WAS LAUGHING ABOUT IT HAPPENING#me her and my youngest cousin were talking about it and i was literally shaking remembering it and shes LAUGHING#MY COUSIN FOUND YOU DIEING IN THE SNOW AND I ALMOST WATCHED YOU GET TORN APART AND YOU THINK ITS FUCKING FUNNY?????????#papa has attacked like 7 people before this incident (some of them bitten multiple times on different occasions)#so he was put down recently#its weird cause ive always called him a big ol lover boy#when i first moved in i used to wake up with him cuddled up on the bed with me#and then seeing him like That#ive seen him bite other people#but this was different#i have never felt more…useless? in my entire life#everyone just left her down there like#i dont even like their little friend and im terrible in situations like this but i had to try to help cause i was the Only one down there#to even Try to help#like im glad they all ran#theyre my cousins and theyre all like 17 i dont want them to get hurt#but like fuck i really thought she was going to die down there cause i couldnt fuckin do anything#new trauma unlocked yay! :)#boo.txt
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married joongdok but not in a conventional way because dokja returns home at 3 in the morning, fucking wasted, probably smelling like incompetence and regrets. an intoxicated migraine brewing up while he's trying his best to reach the kitchen for a glass of water in the dark but then there's joonghyuk standing ominously in the path with a knife and lighter in his hands, the trashcan's on fire and cell block tango is playing somewhere in the background.
#not divorced not married but a secret third thing#kdj dying mysteriously for like the fourth time this month & yjh giving his testimony with fake glycerin tears like#“he ran into my knife (sniffs)... he ran into my knife ten times”#yjh the type to burn dokja's clothes while ironing them whenever he's sick of his ass#which happens every 3 days if you ask me#a burnt toast is what dokja gets every monday because he somehow manages to fuck up the weekends#how he makes up to him ? well a new skillet set deal#they have so much potential i like making their divorce hcs lol#ive never seen a ship so divorced yet married at the same time. call that the schrodinger affair#there was another post with the same frequency as this and im glad we all see the vision#joongdok#dokhyuk#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#fifty reads
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I could go on and on and spiral about a LOT of things relating to NSBU:
The NATURE of the nsbu movie and what THAT could entail and what THAT could mean for the characters in this movie
The way at how everyone in the main cast AND barsimmion follow the themes of the lack of change and stalemate in life
#nsbu spoilers#d20 nsbu#never stop blowing up#im so glad they finally ran into barsimmion bc it essentially means we can see what id like to call. the metaplot#which is essentially. okay so you have nsbu the movie plot. the shadow falcons the santo patron the kingskins group etc.#the metaplot is very simply: everything relating to the lake elsinore gang#anyway cal and i devolved into a half an hour talk about what IS nsbu the movie.#and the idea that potential of. almost self awareness to this fact. bc to these guys all of THIS? is resl to them and theyre living it#it changes in a dime#and they keep going. actions and consequences bay bee#so to have this ever flowing ebb and flow of a lifestyle juxtaposed with these 6 normies who REFUSE to do anything more with their life.#or rather might be too scared to consider what could happen if they take the first step or cant emotionally do it. whatever the reason.#putting these guys in situations where THEY DO have to act. where they do have to change bc if they dont they WILL LITERALLY DIE#its fun its really fun to think about
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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ATFC s1e8 Jerry has me fucking sick to my stomach about Simon's, "Wha- No, no! Why would I??"
I kinda am wondering if his lack of reaching Chaos Betty is maybe bc she now doesn't want him to reach her. If she's still kinda Betty, anyway.
Edit: I just finished my second rewatch and I do wonder where Golbetty is portalling him. 👀
#i mean. if i became half chaos deity & i could see the beginning & end of all & then realized the love of my life never really saw me......#i might block and fuck up his attempts to reach me too#did he ever give a damn about her career?? like in their 'normal' human lives??#she became useful for his work. would they have even bonded over her work??? did they at all in the original AT? bc i dont think so. :(#also he tried to not listen to her until she just said her thoughts on the vase or ran over the snake rocks. like she wasn't potentially#intelligent to him until she proved she was actually intelligent to him. like he just assumed he new better until she just did what she had#to do to prove herself. it was actually annoying to me the whole time. :(#i was glad that he wanted her to take credit for the expedition with him... but he also didnt fight for her there???#im kinda mad at Betty at that moment too. Betty. darling. you did work too lol#ugh. i hate that Simon is just “why would i go with her??” simon is a dumbass. hes all girldad but im wondering if he was a onesided bf :(#adventure time: fionna & cake#adventure time: fionna and cake#atfc#atfc s1e8#simon petrikov#betty grof#chaos betty#golbetty#aunt posting
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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my beloved imac from 2014 with a cracked screen that i conned my dad into giving me so i had a computer on which to do stupid freelancer shit for him but use primarily for personal use (file storage, use appletv to play streaming sites on our actual tv, play sims) seems to be……engaging in behaviors that for lack of a better way to put this best resemble when my elderly cat started having seizures after a hard summer of kidney problems and we had to be like. oh it’s the end the end? obviously less emotional than that but. you know. she’s had a long good life and maybe it’s her time. that’s okay. all things end. anyway. all this to say we are trying to coax her into not just waking up again but pretty please just giving me two files that are the backbone of the recurring stupid freelancer shit i do every month. please baby i have hand problems i can’t build those templates again. please.………
#also rip to my photos backed up there rip to my huge sims 4 cc folder#but those. well. everything is temporary all things end. i lost all my photos in 2017. i lived. besides most r still on my phone#bc that was a long term work in progress i’ve just been out of space on here for months LOL#but christ the system i have for those was a pain in the ass to set up and it wouldn’t be any less work this time#so eva’s trying to salvage them.…fingers crossed#we knew she was getting old but i kind of thought she’d last forever for her limited uses#like no she can’t take new software updates but she ran mostly smoothly!!! mostly!!!!#but wow she is. hmmmmmmm well she’s dying. Sad!#ok that’s all. pray for my stupid fucking powerpoints and their stupid fucking linked excel sheet#at least i don’t keep my writing on there LOL lotta school stuff but that’s…oh shit some of that might only be on the comp#oh wait no i think i used google drive for those so i could bounce back and forth w my ipad. ok good i had some good essays probably#but my 100k of fic work recently (guys it’s insane i’m writing a BIG FIC…and i’m doing it patience mode im fucking drafting the WHOLE THING)#THAT i back up. that i would be sad to lose. i am so glad i am not losing that. that would be worse than the freelancer bs by FAR#but wow i don’t want to remake those. but if i must i must……#eva’s trying…#a ten is blogging
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an extremely fun video showing a HUGE gap in our noseworktraining. I neglected to teach Mav how to do a proper container search so for a while there he just alerted to all containers, whether they had scent in them or not.
we eventually got it sorted and he finished his novice and open nosework titles, but this was funny to me while it lasted
#mav memories#i couldnt even tell you which had the scent in it#probably the middle one but i dont remember#im so glad mav was my first sports dog because we were able to work past these huge massive gaps in training#also his last ever trial was a nosework trial#we ran excellent level (food distraction)#and he did these beautiful alerts on cheese all weekend#the judge was like yeah thats indistinguishable from his real alert#and i still laugh about that#he was the funniest dog#eta i just remembered the hot container (the correct one) wasnt even one of these 😂#it was out of frame and all of these were empty
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call me a vampire the way i. cant look at the lights
#oououou autism is strong todayy#im coming home from work tiredy and they. have the big lamps turned on. how dare they.#/j OBVS. its fine.#it just sucks that i still had to eat which means. no escaping to warm cozy roomm =3=p#and then. my mom starts. sanding her crafts???#sanding and rough brushes like that are a major sensory issue to me. :) PLUS. all the fucking dust that could have gotten in my food??#dont ask why she does it on the dinner table i. dont know (i do its bc there isnt space elsewhere which. fair.)#sillyposting#ouoouou yay bed......#im glad im cozy againn =w=b#ooh i guess it was nice that my dad somehow talked me out of it.#im sure that if he wouldnt have talked to me i wouldve ran around in my head about it.#i just dont like. that things work that way.#why. why do things get better?#hm.#anyway. bed. gn. (not. i fucking wishh. no way im sleeping rn its not even 19.30 yett.)#(dont get me wrong id loove to sleep but also. then i wake up at 12am unable to get back to it. ever. and. =3=p)
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welp backhome. but not after having to stomp out a tree nearly on fire because of fam lighting off sketchy rockets... lmfao.
#aaah farm ppl. delightful.#all of them stood around for a hot minute and then ran off to fond hoses or buckets and me in my lil dress and wool thigh highs#just ran over with someones grandpa and we had it stamped out before all the younger men had found buckets lmfao#like dudes its a tiny grass fire the name of the game is smother it QUICK u can soak it later but it would spread FAST if it catches on#anyway im glad to be home#i am peopled out#i hope we dont get sick there was so many humans
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wait. wait. wait. ive been staring at ur latest comic for awhile now and i think i've noticed something about the colors? which are amazing, first of all- just gotta get that out there cuz i adore that soft pink and deep green combo
but i just realized that throughout most of the comic u use both in equal parts it seems. to separate bg + fg and such, to highlight characters/objects, etc.
but then when vash gets back to their room, all the walls are that dark green. and, bit by bit, the pink totally falls off. by the end, it's nothing but constant dark green as vash starts to cry
but then wolfwood slams in and he's backed by that soft pink. and suddenly the comic is nothing BUT pink. soft lines and whites and gentle pink tones EVERYWHERE to just. SO tastefully highlight the little details.
LIKE. WAS THIS INTENTIONAL?! i almost wanna guess that it wasn't since all those green panels w vash crying are all closeups focused on his expression so it makes sense to just put the simple green behind it and all attention on him so the pink just isn't Needed
BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE EFFECT IS SO MASTERFUL THAT I WANNA BELIEVE IT WAS ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL
HEHE..... first of all, thank you for looking at my comic so closely, THAT'S LIKE... REALLY SWEET and a huge compliment to hear, thank u thank u
and yes, it was intentional, especially more towards the end!!! in general, the colors are meant to serve as a mood indicator, so a balance of them in a scene would just mean a neutral "okay-ness" and have a functional serve to separate background / foreground / subject matter... deep green signifies introspection or incoming sadness (especially on pg5 when vash cries), and pink signifies wolfwood, which, not an emotion but he is happiness, someone that helps vash lose his doubts in a matter of seconds -- which is why those last few pages are just pink white and lines, and the panels are gone for the majority of it. i wanted to show their unity and togetherness!
while vash still has his issues of just Not saying anything about his loneliness, his feelings are alleviated temporarily with wolfwood's presence and he's just grateful that his paranoia didn't become true, and that wolfwood is genuine, true to his word, when he means he'll be following vash/staying with him. even though it's mission-bound, vash would probably still feel guiltily comforted by that fact.
I'M GLAD IT WAS PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE IN THIS COMIC because i definitely could've pushed it more... i figured it was a minor thing that not a lot of ppl would care for, but more ppl enjoyed it and noticed the colors than i thought, so i'm glad it worked out!!!
#asks#thank you for sending this!!!#and for being so observant and putting it into words -- its really sweet!!!! hehe#ok this bit here is a bit off topic but. i forgot to mention in my original tags. very minor hc but on#p4 when i drew their beds -- ww bed is the left one vash is the right one and his blankets are all folded#bc i feel like vash would develop habits of being able to leave somewhere quickly + abruptly. so he cleans up after himself#everytime he wakes up and has to leave for the day. i feel like he's ran into enough trouble that he's grown accustom to making#sure he's ready to dip whenever necessary. and id imagine he'd leave payment if he books a room for more than a night so when he has#to leave suddenly - the room owners get their pay still. just preparing stuff in advance to not make trouble for the kind ppl#that houses him. idk its a small thing! i just recall those times in the manga where after accidentally destroying a part of the town#vash makes sure to join the clean up crew and help build things up lmfao he takes responsibility. its cute#ww sees him do this for the first time once and goes “that's stupid. we're not going anywhere and we're staying for the 2 nights”#and then he'd realize soon enough that they do have to prepare to book it at any random point of the day if vash gets caught up in trouble#regardless he doesn't fold it all up like vash does since its not habitual to him and in a way hes testing vash to NOT run off and do smth#thatll get him in trouble during the day. rare hopefulness. when they start sharing beds wolfwood doesn't let him fold up the sheets#very minor thing hc sorry for rambling in This space hub all of a sudden.#in the comic also vash gets pink bg panels every time he calls out to wolfwood. happy happy#it's really not a long enough comic to push those aspects... but im glad it was noticed at all -- but ok ok im done done
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not to be mushy at 2am but thanks to everybody for being so just YOU. I was kinda nervous coming back after such a long (and frankly unannounced hiatus) and the last couple days have just reminded me of how much I love this hobby and interacting with people and meeting new rp partners.
The anxiety bug has tried to creep in on me a few times but I'm just pushing that bad boy down cause honestly I'm having fun and I wanna say thank you to everybody who has made that happen ;w;
you guys are so cool never stop being rad
#ooc#out of quizzy#i was really in a bad rut with just l i f e and my muse randomly came back so#i took it and ran and im so glad i did#this hobby like genuinely makes me happy and im so grateful for it#and for all of you#: )
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i am once again overwhelmed by love for humans as a whole
#just. fuck#oh my god. oh my god. i love humans. i love humans and i love life and i love that i get to be a part of it#it sucks sometimes and there are awful terrible things that happen and im not going to deny any of that#but just. im thinking about all the strangers who've ever been kind to me and im overwhelmed with love#the girl ive never seen before who grabbed me to dance during my last homecoming with the biggest smile on her face#the kid who taught me where to dig for clay in a lake when i was 8 who told me he loved me when i said i had to leave#the stranger at the last show i went to who held onto my shoulder as we jumped and yelled and laughed together#the little girl who came into my workplace today that told me with the most starstruck face that she liked my hair#the older lady who helped me pick up all my things after i dropped them in a park after an incredibly hard day#the trio of teenage boys who played with me on the playground for hours one evening when i was 6 because they saw i was lonely#the random man who bought me the snack i tried to put it back when i realized i didn't have enough money for it#the teen girls who chased off some guy who tried to kick my head in and then ran back to hold my hands and make sure i was okay#fuck. i love people. i love human beings so much.#i love being alive and im so so glad i made it past middle school even though i thought i wouldn't#i get to look at sunsets and sunrises and i get to pet dogs and i get to wade around in lakes and pools and ponds#i get to hug and hold people and i get to laugh so hard my stomach hurts and i get to yell and scream in happiness#i get to eat good food and listen to good music and i get to run and jump and dance#i get to see beautiful things and i get to watch strangers live their lives around me and i get to be a part of it all#it's amazing!!! fuck!!!! i get to be a part of it all!!!!!#i love being alive and i love that ive made it this far#i don't know what the future holds but im just so glad im even here at all#sorry about the long sappy ramble and i know this probably looks weird but i could not care less#im just overwhelmed with love for everything
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my new facial cleanser got here :]] 1. smells sooo nice its coconut vanilla (2 of my favorite scents) 2. my skin feels nice :]]
#idk wht all it will do Obviously i just did like a quick wash. its a moisturizing one#my skin is so weirddd bc i sweat So So So much but i also get rly dry skin. so im sweaty und yet dry. so i figured id tryyy a moisturizing#wash.. its also way nicer ive used a moisturizing one likee once or twice? but that felt and smelled and tasted (i wasnt tasting it on#purpose it judt happened) Like glue so im glad this ones nicer NDBRJFBF#worst case scenario i might pair it with the face cleanser i was using b4 that i ran out of ill get more of that mabye. bc that one was#specifically for clearing acne which is mainly what i need cleanser for it just Rly dried me out so i think pairing them (if this one#doesnt help with my acne) might be a good idea ^-^ since where my skin got so dry with that one and i didnt have a moisturizer i just got#More oily bc my skin was like aaaa we r so dry#so yas. im not going 2 become A skincare girlie or anything LOL i just miss having smooth skin i feel so cheated. my first puberty i had#like. basically no acne. occasionally id get like 1 pimple almost always rifht between my eyebrows and i hated it but it would go away#pretty quickly. and my skin was always soooo smooth and sooo soft#second puberty? brother my face is like a fucking Minefield. my cheeks bumpy my forehead bumpy my nose is covered in blackheads etc.#SO i am hoping this helps ^-^ thats why i have facewashing as one of my tasks naow ..
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tired of being as normal as possible near people irl so next time i hang out with my irl im going to stab him and beat himn senseless. genuinely
#ive thiought about this for days i just dont know how to start the stabbing#part of me wants to just stab his leg randomly but threatening him beforehand wouild be cool too#also considered chloroform but i dont want to rape him#though i could always just cut him senseless while hes dozed off#also contemplating choking him out from behind with my belt#itd kind of suck if he ran off in the woods but im gonna bring my big ass knife so i can chase him incase that happens#hes pretty weak so i can overpower him and he doesnt expect me to act like that#this plan is from months of dealing with his shit im glad hes only ever seen me as someone to walk all over itll make it easier#since he wont be expecting it.#at some point i want to get him on the ground and start frenzied punching him but i need to make sure my threats stick so i dont get sla#pped with an assault charge#yes ive thought about this alot
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ok but the fact that we've been reading AND FINISHING multiple books recently....... the world is healing
#we haven't actually read a book fully in. i think EIGHT YEARS. that is an EIGHT YEAR READING SLUMP FINALLY OVER#partially bc. most of the books we Owned were packed up in boxes until Literally a couple months ago#when i FINALLY got MY OWN bookshelf that can ACTUALLY HOLD BOOKS#unlike my shitty fucking walmart bookshelf that is FINALLY GONE AND DEAD that would bow if you put more than 5 pounds on a shelf#literally could not hold anything worthwhile on that fucking thing and it was 5 SHELVES TALL AT FIRST. AND USELESS ABT IT#i say at first bc the third time we moved the entire bottom half disintegrated. so it was a 3 shelf after that#now ALL of my books are out of a box and MOST of them are on a bookshelf#i say most bc. i bought a ton more since then. and uh. i ran out of space#so i bought another 3 shelf one that can hold my new books like HOUSE OF LEAVES and FOURTH WING#im so glad those books are responsible for pulling me out of this like. i haven't been Obsessed with a dragon series this hard in a while#like- it took me!! THREE DAYS!!!!! to finish fourth wing#that's the fastest I've finished a book since i was like 12 and reading Eragon
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