#like if we're going to make space for people to explore and try queerness on a little without having to like. declare for one side right off

[heavycreamy]

Hey Matt Gazy

This post is for Australian Journalist Matt Gazy.

Apparently you've been contacting members of our feedism/erotic weight gain community in order to discuss our very multifaceted, heavily misrepresented lifestyle.

As someone who has been in this community for 3 decades, has seen most if not all of its forms, understands the ethical connections between Feedism and Fat Liberation, and deeply cares about how folks in our community are represented to the general vanilla public, I hope that you are entering into this project/article/episode with the necessary due respect, empathy, intelligence, and kindness that you would bring to ANY oft-misunderstood and ridiculed subculture.

No one needs another sensationalist piece of journalism wilfully and lazily misrepresentating our community, sexuality, and lifestyle, which only EVER serves to further stigmatise and shame us.

We have been taken advantage of on many occasions, cast as freaks and pathetic fools with mental problems, so neither we nor the general public need more of that.

EVERY time a piece about feedism appears in the public eye, our community experiences a massive wave of trolls and judgemental, deeply fatphobic tourists coming into our online spaces and abusing us.

Please don't debase us nor yourself by making a surface level hit-piece on our community, whether intentionally or unintentionally, due to a lack of thorough research and basic respect for perspectives and life experiences outside the norm.

Feedism is INFINITELY more than simply heteronormative power play. That corner of the community represents less than 10% of what actual contemporary Feedism culture is, and ironically harbours 90% of the toxicity present in the entire culture.

Feedism is so much more than heteronormative, coercive power play. It is extremely queer, extremely feminist, extremely sensual and emotional, and is a major facet of many people's lives and psychologies.

While it may seem like simply a niche genre of porn to the casual tourist, Feedism exists outside of porn. It exists outside of kink. It exists outside of fetish. It can and should be considered an orientation, rather than simply a freaky outlier bedroom interest worthy only of reactive disgust.

Please don't be yet another unscrupulous journalist exploiting our incredibly vulnerable community for shock bait bullshit.

If you're going to try to represent us, do it comprehensively, and do it PROPERLY.

Truly speak to us. Do the work. Don't just find an extremely popular female model and falsely imagine that her experience is a stand in for ALL Feedist experiences.

If you truly want to represent Feedism, you NEED to represent it as the complex, multifaceted diaspora that it is, full of people of all kinds, all cultures, and ALL SIZES.

Should you be committed to pursuing this topic, I can offer links and connections to extremely well informed writers, thinkers, professors, and others within this community who are doing INCREDIBLE work on understanding, exploring, and expressing the deeper truths of this desire and lifestyle. There are people doing the work. You need to do it too.

We're humans. Treat us with respect, dignity, and kind curiosity.

Be better than every journalist who has come before you.

Thank you.

ps. Dear feedist pals, if you feel that what I've said here resonates with you, and mirrors your feelings at all, please feel free to reblog the shit out of this in the hopes that more visibility may help it reach its intended audience. Thanks gang ♥️🍰🍕

[allastoredeer]

No hate, just asking.

So you just personally like bottomAlastor and make every ship with him as bottom because of your personal likes. But this works the same way with bottomLucifer. People liking it and making him bottom in any ship. Or liking topAlastor and making him top in every ship. Maybe there are people who just go with trends in ship dynamics, but a lot of shippers just like it without any 'making mlm into hetero' meaning. Yes even when making Lucifer a bit more feminine since they do it in every ship simply cause more feminine Lucifer does things to them.

Exactly 👉👉 people like what they like and they don't need to defend or give me a list of reasons why they like it. I figured people liked bottom!Lucifer or top!Alastor because it scratches that itch for them (much like me with bottom!Alastor), otherwise they wouldn't be writing/drawing it at all.

It's why I don't seek out fans I disagree with or lurk on their pages/blogs to bombard them with reasons why I, personally, don't like how they depict radioapple (and because that's just a shitty thing to do in general, and no should be doing that. That's a one-way ticket to turning fandom into a very toxic place).

I keep my opinions and thoughts to my blog page for that reason. This is place where I can write about the things I like and dislike, post my art and fics, and interact with fans who share the same thoughts and feelings as I do. I'm sure a lot of fans would disagree, but, to me, most of the depictions of radioapple that I've seen come off as incredibly hetero coded, and a lot of the way Alastor is drawn/written squicks me out, especially when he tops. And that's not in the way that he's overly sexualized or anything, imma gonna sexualize that man to my heart's content, but Alastor's ace identity means a lot to me, and a lot of the time I just...don't feel it with him.

Now there's no "correct" way to write an ace character, as its a spectrum. There isn't a checklist of things you HAVE to follow. But with Alastor, especially when it's in a written work - especially when it's HIS pov - he doesn't feel ace. You can't tell that someone is ace based on how they talk or act - not usually - just like you can't assume a man is gay based on how he runs or talks, or a woman a lesbian because she has a short haircut. But in his POV, we're supposed to be in his head, we're seeing his thoughts and emotions. It's the perfect time to explore what he feels and thinks about relationships, sex, and everything in between, and yet most of the time he reads like any other non-ace character. It's like there's no real thought or consideration given to his identity and the experiences that come with it. Asexuality is more than "don't like sex" or "only like sex sometimes," there's so much more to it than that.

But I also know that this may be the first time some people are interacting or playing with an ace character, and just the fact that they're trying - however unintentionally aphobic it comes off sometimes - the effort is appreciated.

It's a real back and forth thing for me, obviously, LOL fandom culture and spaces can be so frustrating but so fascinating at the same time.

I don't think anyone is intentionally making the ship hetero, nor do they mean to - and besides, this is how I feel, and I know everyone isn't going to feel the exact same way. I'm sure there are people who see it as a very queer relationship, and I'm not going to judge or fight them over it. Everyone has different perspective, after all.

At the end of the day, I don't mind bottom!Lucifer (I see him as a switch, so he definitely enjoys bottoming), I just don't like how he's written/drawn with top!Alastor. It's the depiction of it that turns me off. I've seen top!Alastor and bottom!Lucifer art before that I have liked, but its few and far between, and overall not worth diving into to root out the few pieces I've enjoyed.

I like feminine Lucifer, but not to the extent that I've seen. I like the masculine side of him too, especially because he's a shortie. I like masculine Alastor, but I adore his feminine side. Alastor exudes so much gender, it's insane. He pulls off masculine, feminine, and even non-binary so well. He's versatile ❤️ And it aggravates me when he's depicted as super masculine and all the other stuff is toned down, if not stripped away.

But, like I said, that's why I stay in my little corner and I focus on what I enjoy. Ranting about things you don't like in fandom isn't bad, especially with fans that agree with you. It's very cathartic actually, and I've felt more connected with the fandom than I have since the show aired. it's only when you make your emotions, thoughts, and opinions other people's problems that it becomes a negative thing.

I'm not here to rain on people's parades, so I support, encourage even, that those who do like the things I dislike (and don't enjoy seeing me clown on them) block me. No hard feelings from me. I get it.

Damn, these posts really run away from me. They get so much longer than I intend XD

But anyway, I'm glad people are having fun with super feminine bottom!Lucifer and super masculine top!Alastor, that's the whole point of fandom, but it just isn't for me, at all, and I will likely continue to rant/clown on it with the fans who also share my opinion. I'm not going to shove it anyone's face of course, I'm keeping it to my blog, and I am A-okay with being blocked if that's not something people want to see 😊

[ca-suffit]

im sorry your takes are generally pretty great and i appreciate the space you make in fandom but i find the dismissal around lestat's queerness to be diminishing.

louis is a fantastic gay character and u r right about how he represents his queerness which is fabulously. he is mother he is fashion he is wife, a lot, and lestat is a lot more masc in aspects of their dynamic. louis also struggles with it, had internalized homophobia, and his relationship to his sexuality is fraught. now you can have that complexity and still be a "gay icon" sure but what i see here is a gay man existing. not every gay man existing has to be ~iconic~. louis is working on himself.

lestat is a different person and is going out there to make a mark on culture actively, regardless of why. he's not putting on a dress for five seconds (which btw was still pretty impactful in context but ok), he is being meaningfully gnc and making art. this is what queer culture is. it's frustrating to see this element diminished like it's just a meme or a bunch of people being thirsty.

im all for critiquing fandom being weirdos about it but i think the showrunners are doing something spectacular and pretending like fans are making lestat into something he is not just isn't the vibe.

reading this made me realize that I left out a sentence in this ask, so it did come off differently than I intended. I'd meant to say there's already been a lot of exploration of characters / ppl like lestat, but there's never been a character like louis before. I wasn't rly ever talking about lestat's queerness itself, I was talking about how he's prioritized bcuz he's white.

if u personally identity with him in this then that's ur right to, obviously. no group is a monolith and I was never trying to say one way is more "right" than the other. I rly do apologize if it came across like that, cuz I can see why it did.

"he's not putting on a dress for five seconds (which btw was still pretty impactful in context but ok)"

I don't rly know what u mean here bcuz within the show, nobody comments on the dress. ppl react to the baby but everything we know of the dress otherwise was only revealed by carol cutshall bts. I don't know what impact ur meaning here. to the tv audience, sure, but the NOLA audience?? or is it the fact he designed it in the first place.

tbh the thing I most noticed was that once again a white, european immigrant got to be center stage in an event that louis, as a black, louisiana native, isn't (like the card game lestat already had a place at more favored than louis earlier in S1). he also was able to wear that dress in public without public scorn (being european prbly helped here too, he's "other'd" but not the same way as louis is "other'd" for being black), which is something louis could never have done and actually survived at all. it's not that lestat doesn't experience homophobia otherwise, but he's still got a lot more room to confront it than louis, claudia, or armand would have, as ppl who would be confronting homophobia *and* racism with no access to white privilege (claudia literally dies in the same hour we see lestat confront a homophobe otherwise on his and louis' behalf and "win").

idk what they're going to explore for S3 yet, but what we've seen so far is....not that deep tbh. it's not even especially "queer." we're aware he is so we know it is, but straight men have worn makeup and flashy outfits and done homoerotic shit as musicians before too. very often. nothing we've seen from lestat so far has been pushing any boundary as a queer artist or making any kind of statement. I'm not trying to sound like a total bitch here, but a lot of what ur saying is pushing this white fandom agenda of the "importance" of so much that any white, queer character does that....just isn't. lestat's image and sound is taking a lot from other ppl in real music history who *were* doing groundbreaking things at the time, straight or not, but what he's doing is just wearing it as a costume rn. his lyrics even say "I'm an actor / in my makeup." like I said, S3 in full will bring more to the table, obviously, but for what we've seen so far....this hasn't said anything in any objective way that's "deep." u can still like it and identity with it, but idk how u'd argue that it's doing anything tbh. ur welcome to do it tho, I'm not trying to shut down the conversation here. I'm just giving my perspective. I *do* actually think this is stuff we should talk about exactly *bcuz* fandom rides so hard for it all the time. it should be explored why that is, what's the logic behind it. I rly am interested.

edit: wanted to add too that p much everyone we see in this show is queer and creative so literally why is nobody ever saying all this about louis' photography, claudia's acting and interest in fashion (or her general observations on the world thru so many diaries that are referenced in multiple ways as she's not around anymore to speak otherwise), armand's theatre work, madeleine's dressmaking. that's usually why ppl comment on lestat, bcuz he's the most noticed and praised but he's literally not the only one doing it at all.

[ruufie]

So there's something we really need to talk about, generally as a collective, but especially in nerd/fandom spaces. And that's the collateral damage that comes with hyper-policing of "objectionable" content that will inexorably roll into fascism. Strap in, this is that kind of Tumblr post.

If you look at the of ideology of generations throughout the twentieth century, there's a pattern: each new gen is going to swing opposite of their parents. 50's patriotism, 60's and 70's hippies, 80's Reagan era America, 90's 3rd wave feminism, 00's ultra patriotism, you get the idea. So to some extent, it's not that surprising that Gen Z is starting to lean conservative. But as someone who's been in fandom spaces for well over two decades now, believe me when I tell you that the pendulum has swung so far right that--given the current political climate in America (and to some extent globally)--this is a microcosm of a much bigger issue.

Back in the 2010's, the internet was starting to grow its roots. The truly experimental days of random websites, chat sites, strange niche forums, etc, had started to congeal into a handful of massive platforms. Facebook was taking off. YouTube was past its baby stage and into its adolescence. There was a fragile stability that allowed for growth and expression in art. Particularly in fandom culture. We as a generation were growing with this new, amazing technology. And humans, when curious, like to stretch their limits. Fandom and geek spaces stretched wide, from insanely ambitious fancomics to the dredges of FF.net. And a not insignificant part of this new community was diving into the dark and the taboo.

Artists and writers wanted to explore all elements of humanity. Because, plainly, we weren't allowed to experiment with mass media. And so we made our own. Queer kids explored identity and sexuality, trauma survivors craved catharsis. Growing brains tapped into the dark and depraved if only to see where it led them. It was a playground. It wasn't always safe, and it wasn't always productive. Sometimes it was just porn for porn's sake. But that in and of itself was not a moral judgment. Sure, you'd absolutely get side-eyes if you proudly boasted that your favorite anime OVA was Boku no Pico, but most people would laugh it off at a convention and then head out to their next panel.

What I'm saying is, ten, fifteen years ago, there was a sense of understanding that the dark, sexual things in fandom spaces were just another facet of the culture. This is not to say that truly disturbing media and criticism of it did not exist. Hell, when Twilight debuted, I was one of the first of my high school to criticize the abusive relationships for what they were. The ability to criticize, to analyze and reflect on what makes something "good" or "bad" is a healthy mechanism to have. And those who did not want to engage with material that they found disturbing or uncomfortable simply didn't have to engage with it. It's why AO3 has tags. It's why Tumblr has a block or mute tag function.

But what we're seeing now is so far beyond the healthy critiquing of distasteful art. More and more now I've been seeing well meaning, liberal presenting voices equate real harm to distasteful material found in books, movies, TV shows, you name it. That is not to say that things like racial stereotypes or romanticised abuse does not have real world implications. But it is one thing to point out that "hey, 50 Shades of Gray is an unrealistic depiction of a BDSM lifestyle and if you try these things you'll likely get hurt" and "seeing characters on screen have sex violates my consent as a viewer." (that is a real argument I have seen online)

There is a hyper moral slant to this kind of thinking. The same line of thought that immediately equates "a character does a bad thing" to "the author must condone this bad thing." I have always said that we do not have a lack of media literacy, but an uptick in a reaction based economy. That reacting to a controversial thing without first digesting the thing you're reacting to gets good views and feeds the algo, so the conversation then becomes a shouting match between people that haven't even seen the damn thing. This is how you get people coming away with "Steven Universe is a show that supports genocide" with their full chest.

The push to have blatant censorship in fandom is upsetting for a good number of reasons. It's discouraging to younger creatives who want to play in those spaces for their own reasons, and it feeds into a frenzy of paranoia. Because at a certain point, it no longer becomes about the art, but whether or not you, with your Right Opinion, is the first on the dogpile.

So what does this have to do with fascism? A whole hell of a lot.

One of the first targets in a fascist regime is art. It's expression, it's creativity. Why? Because creativity is often the best vehicle (sometimes the only vehicle) to criticize the people in power. Why do you think gigantic corporations are trying to push AI art on us so bad? Because art makes us human, and humans like to point out when Shit Is Going Bad. So if you take the human out of the art, you can trick people who aren't looking too closely into being compliant.

The recent hyper-policing of fandom spaces is a tool of fascism. This is not hyperbole, nor hypothetical. It is the reality of how fascism lives and breathes. If you can convince a population to weed out the "bad" art on their own volition, weeding out the rest on your own is a piece of cake.

Before anyone puts words in my mouth, I am not talking about child abuse content, content surrounding victims of trafficking, revenge porn, or anything that brings actual physical or psychological harm to another person. With that being said, policing sexual content in fandom leads to policing any kind of intimate content at all. And as so often is the case, queer content is often lumped in with the former, despite the fact that identity and gender has nothing to do with sexuality. And that sexuality itself is a part of the human experience, and its rejection of its imitation in art is a rejection of that humanity. It's the dominos that lead into history being flat out erased. Once all the nasty sexual content is dead and gone, they'll push further. What conflict, what subject matters, are obscene? Coming of age stories? Slice of life stories? Epic fantasies, scifi, non fiction? Perhaps all of them. You can't be too careful. The heart and soul of stories, art, poetry, expression, all of it is subject to the whims of an oligarchy that frankly doesn't care if you have food in your fridge. If you speak up, speak out, put your foot down, you too are subject to those same whims. And it is so much easier to make sure you shut up forever than to be diplomatic.

We are facing a dictatorship here in America. We are going to be looked in the eye and told that we do not matter. That the best thing for us to do is to stay in line and be thankful for the stale bread on our plate. The last thing you should be doing right now is trying to speed up the process.

[copperbadge]

Sam, how did you find your therapist and build such a good working relationship? Every attempt I’ve made at therapy seems to fizzle out after a few months… and no therapist has ever understood the RSD aspect of my ADHD, which makes it all feel a little worse every time I try.

I mean, I think really we're still building it -- I haven't had her more than a couple of months and functionally it's been an every-two-weeks situation most of the time because we keep having to move/cancel. I don't know that I can really speak intelligently to building a relationship with a therapist because this is the first time I've ever done it where I was an adult and in control. As for finding one...

Chicago has a group called Clarity Clinic, which is like a WeWork for mental health professionals -- they offer scheduling, billing, and IT/office space to local people who I think are mostly independent operators otherwise. They have a directory that is highly filterable, so I found my psychiatrist there by filtering to stuff like Adult ADHD and medication management. He's great, but he didn't want to be my therapist and I didn't want him to. When I decided on therapy, I asked him if he knew anyone he could recommend, since he knew what my deal was in terms of personality, behavior, etc.

So he gave me a couple of names of fellow Clarity Clinic folks and I had a look on the website and chose the one that sounded like she'd get on best with me. I think I struck it lucky to be honest -- she's young (compared to me) and has ADHD, and she's very familiar with disability discourse, spoon theory, etc, even fandom to an extent. If I were to go looking today I might look more at therapists who specialize in twice-exceptional individuals, but she's good enough with what I'm aiming at that I don't want to change.

So the best advice I have is if you're being treated for other stuff by someone you trust I'd ask them, but also look for someone experienced with adult ADHD, and I'd look for someone on the younger side who's more likely to be understanding of neurodivergent needs. (I also recommend filtering to queer-friendly therapists if you can; I didn't necessarily need that but it means they're likely to be generally accepting and probably have more liberal politics. With the caveat that in shady places like BetterHealth, "LGBTQIA" counselors are sometimes homophobic creeps with an axe to grind.)

Building the relationship has taken proactivity on my part -- ensuring that I always have an appointment on the books (we book out about six weeks in advance now, because we know one of us will likely need to cancel/rebook at times), making sure that I have either an aim for treatment or at least something to talk about, etc. I think in your case probably having a list of things you want to deal with, so that you can check some boxes up top, might help.

I would definitely open with "I have ADHD and I need help with [aspects of that]; I also have RSD and I need to work with someone who respects that diagnosis and understands how to help with it." I went into mine saying "I have ADHD and I'm also struggling with some really big emotion, so I'm looking for help with those, but also like...I'm not really sure what therapy can offer. I've had some bad experiences in the past but they were all when I was a child, so I'm trying to explore some options." Her reaction was a combination of sympathy and a discussion of the kinds of things we might work on, which helped a great deal.

But yeah, I think it starts with establishing right from the jump what you want and need, and then spending time making sure that you both stay on top of that until you find a rhythm. We're still finding our rhythm, but it's getting easier as I'm learning to be clearer about what I want and more comfortable with being a participant instead of someone therapy just happens to.

[weewoo-buckley]

going through the 9-1-1 tag after the latest episode is intense. like I really think a lot of y'all need to take a step back, process your feelings away from the fandom bubble that's amping each other up, and then decide if this latest ep is something that disappointed you enough to stop watching. honestly Tommy got way more screen time and development than several of Buck's exes. I would've been happy to see the characters grow into each other, and I'm sad that the writers decided to make them not work out, but it also isn't like. the end times because this one queer relationship didn't work out for buck. I can't imagine Tommy being anything but important to Buck and his story moving forward even if he doesn't continue to get screen time. He's very specifically framed as similar standing to Abby as far as influencing Buck and his growth. I'm glad neither of them was the bad guy in the break up and it was more of a "we're in different places" type of thing

Also, like many fandom spaces, there's a lot of moral accusations going around to try and justify people's opinions. Personally I think an actor saying he wants to kiss and have relationships with a bunch of men on screen doesn't mean he's biphobic. Like exploring his sexuality further would be a good step for buck getting more comfortable in his identity. and we know that boy has always had a libido

anyways, it's fine to hate the new episode, it's fine to love it. do what you want but please don't harass actors and writers about it <3

[mermaidsirennikita]

a while ago i remember you talking about books that felt more like adult fantasy but the writers were probably pushed into ya because it's more marketable, would you say the revrse in happening nowadays or is it still happening?

I still hear about authors who say that their agents ask them if an adult fantasy concept could be aged down for YA, so I think that's happening, but probably not as much as it once did.

I also think that a lot of younger authors are living in a world in which YA fantasy is still king—and for A TEENY fraction of authors, it still is, right? I know of a couple YA fantasy authors who got BIG advances (and good for them, but damn they were huge). But they are very much in the minority there. However, when you're working on your draft, when your agent is shopping your MS, it's easy to get big dreams about how huge your book is gonna be. And it's also easy to twist that into something where it's like, if you don't get it you've been overlooked or betrayed or lost or are they outlier, when in fact you're in the minority in that you got a pub deal, and you're in the majority in that your deal isn't anything mindblowing. This isn't a "your lucky to even be tradpubbed" take, because I also think that putting tradpub on a pedestal helps no one. It's just how I see it.

THAT BEING SAID... I do think that because YA sales are still more trad-dependent than, say, romance (not a lot of teens have their own KU accounts, I imagine) this leads to the toxic idea that there's this AMAZING WORLD where your YA Fantasy makes you famous, and if it doesn't you've lost, and it leads to authors still conforming to the YA is King mentality and producing an MS that would probably work a lot better for adults while selling it as a teen thing.

I can think of one book that I will not name—I respect the author. I tried to read it recently. That book would have worked a lot better as an adult fantasy novel, to me. The heroine was supposed to be this big, heavy, powerful character, and her being the age she was, and her issues and the violence of it all being directed towards teens versus adults (and teens can read adult books and adults can read YA, let's be clear, I'm talking categories and character ages, etc here) felt weird.

I will also add—the character in that book ended up in a poly relationship. I did not find that super well-explored for the two men, personally. But I do have high standards on that front. And I've gotta say; it's not that teens and The Youths can't have poly relationships. But "poly" is not a sexual orientation or gender identity, and I find that sometimes saying "poly rep"... it's true! But it's not "rep" in the same way as "queer rep" is "rep", as "BIPOC rep" is rep. Because to be in a polyamorous relationship is to make a decision, right? You grow into and work into being able to have a functional poly relationship. It takes a special type of person and it takes a lot of WORK, and I frankly don't buy that anyone in their early twenties or below can do that work lmao.

Which doesn't mean they won't try, but when it's in a YA novel—I have NO problem with teens reading it. I'm just kind of like "REALLY. REALLY. A LONG-TERM POLY COMMITMENT BETWEEN 18 YEAR OLDS. SURE JAN." Like, come on. I respect poly relationships, I know poly people, TRUST ME. I think a solid poly relationship is probably one of the most stable types of relationships out there. But holy shit. Trying to sell me on people that young making it work and that being meant to be for them just feels like... WHY WASN'T THIS ADULT???

And hey, I'll say—as I write this, I know that I I love Sierra Simone's Thornchapel series, where there's an MMF relationship between people in their early twenties. BUT THAT RELATIONSHIP... lmao. The way in which the HEA was achieved speaks to how aware Sierra was that these people were MESSED. UP. Same with Lyonesse, which involves Isolde in her early twenties. If we're going to those spaces, we aren't in YA territory. Or even CLOSE.

I think there's still this idea that YA fantasy is more dignified than fantasy romance, and I think that comes from a certain type of YA author and I think it's toxic as hell and untrue. But yeah, I still think some of them are encouraged to age down or choose to, for practical or personal or market reasons.

Then again, I think a book like Road of Bones would've been made a YA novel ten years ago, and it's not, so YAY!

[denimbex1986]

'I expect Andrew Haigh to be a bit bleary-eyed this morning. After all, it’s the day after the British Independent Film Awards and Haigh’s stunning new film, All of Us Strangers, has just walked off with seven awards, including best supporting performance for Paul Mescal, best director and best screenplay for Haigh and the big prize of the night, best British independent film. Surely he was out celebrating? “Oh, I’m too old for drinking and having fun," he laughs. "I was in bed by about 12.30 after a cup of tea.”

Adam, the protagonist of All of Us Strangers (played by Andrew Scott), is similarly partying-aversed – initially at least. As the film opens, he’s alone in his near-empty tower block in London, where he spends his nights gazing longingly across the city or watching archive clips from Top of the Pops while struggling to write a screenplay about the death of his parents. His lonely existence is punctuated one night by Harry (Paul Mescal), his only neighbour, who turns up at his door drunk and horny.

A lonely gay man longing for connection puts us in mind of Weekend, Haigh’s breakout feature from 2012, although a hint of the supernatural creeps into the new film. While researching his screenplay, Adam goes back to his childhood home to find his mother and father still living there, despite having died in a car crash when he was 12. “At one point, I was nervous that people would just see this as Weekend Part 2 with ghosts.” laughs Haigh. “I was like, ‘Oh God, I don't want that to be what this film is.'” Haigh agrees that the films are in conversation in some way, though. “Weekend was 12 years ago, and as I've got older, there were more things that I've wanted to explore about queerness and the nature of love. And I've poured that all into the new film.”

One theme that links the two films is the feeling of being outside of society as a queer person. “As queer people, we're all trying to understand romantic relationships because we haven't had a framework of what those relationships can be,” explains Haigh. “You know, you grow up in a family where everybody is straight, and everyone at school seems to be straight, and you're not, so you're unsure how you fit in with any of that. So I think it can take a lot of queer people a long time to understand what it is that they want. But it is not that you're inherently lonely because you're gay, which is what people used to think. It's just that the world says we are that kind of person.”

All of Us Strangers is based on Strangers by Japanese author Taichi Yamada, which tells a similar narrative about a heterosexual writer. What drew Haigh to the story initially was its central concept of meeting your parents as they were when you were a child and you are now an adult. “The idea of being able to go back and meet your mum and dad on the same level would be an incredible experience,” says Haigh. “Often we think our parents should know everything. But then, when you get older and you look back, you're like 'Jesus, my parents were 32 when I was a kid. I was a mess when I was in my early 30s. Why did I expect my parents to know everything?'”

Haigh suspects that children’s inability to fully see their parents' point of view is what makes family dynamics so tricky to navigate. “If love is, in general, let's say, about truly knowing the other person, it's no surprise to me that familiar relationships can be quite complicated, because there is so much that stops us from being honest with each other within those relationships," he says. "So to me, to have this sort of space, separate from reality, where you can find a common ground feels so appealing. I mean, it's wish fulfillment, obviously, because it’s never going to happen, but it feels like something that would be special.”

All of Us Strangers is undoubtedly Haigh’s most visually complex film. But like all his work it’s centred on great performances. Working with actors is clearly something he relishes and Andrew Scott is an actor he’s wanted to work with for the longest time. “Obviously Andrew has had a lot of lead roles in theatre, and he's done a lot of stuff on television, he has been in a lot of films, but I've never seen him be the centre of a film. And I've always thought, Why? Because he's such a good actor.” Haigh also felt Scott would understand this world. "In real life, Andrew and I have similar experiences," says Haigh. "Andrew is gay, so we understand what that experience was like growing up. Plus he really responded to the script. So it was just a no-brainer, really. He's a really talented actor, he loves the script, and he understands it. It's like the three things you want more than anything else.”

Paul Mescal matches Scott’s performance every step of the way. Haigh points to Mescal’s eyes as being the key to his performance. “It just feels there's a whole world going on behind there that you want to sort of understand; there's a soulfulness to him. And with a role like Harry, you don't know a huge amount about him. But Paul lets you know that he wants him to be compassionate towards Adam, and you also get the sense of his own demons. It’s all there in the eyes and I feel like Paul is so good at communicating two things at the same time, one thing on the surface, and then something else that's underneath. And that's rare."'

[lambishep]

AGE IN BIO/ PINNED. WRITING 18+ DOES NOT COUNT.

Blank/ ageless blogs are blocked blogs. I will not make any exceptions. EVER!

DO NOT INTERACT

if you think any kind of human is better than another,

if you think you have the right to make decisions over another person and their body,

if you struggle with respecting people who are different from you,

if you do not support sex workers, content creators, and artists,

if you do not respect other people's boundaries,

in other words, pedos, racists, homophobes, anti-choice, pro-lifers, TERFs, and other weirdos, just don't even try with me.

Below 18s, please DNI for your own safety and respect for other people's boundaries. Under 21s, learn more about sexual stuff here.

Anyways now that's been said...

Hey there, welcome!

I'm Sheepy

Bisexual, bi-brainial, mostly dumbass, far too kinky for my own good.

He/him/ they, early 30's,

Switch (dom leaning) A mythical creature who lives in Narnia

...

Some House Rules

Do not add comments to my posts unless we're mutuals! Keep your noise in the tags.

Asks are welcome, keep it respectful. If you ask a bunch of dumbass shit, expect a dumbass answer. If you decide to go oversexual and I block you, that's on you.

Submissions are open, however, keep it civil. Don't send me anything you wouldn't want to see in public.

If your partner has not consented to you sexually interacting with others just don't. Nope. I am not the guy, and this is not the place.

Mutuals can ask for Snapchat/ other socials - if I say no, do not take it personally, this is the only space where I live out, and speak out about this side of who I am.

...

FYI

All my posts are meant in gender neutral terms and reblogs/ gendered content are whatever you want them to be (example cock can be strap/ tdick, etc)

Content you'll find here: sex workers, gorgeous people, queer dynamics, soft to hard kinks, somno, cnc, knife/ blood play, oral, choking, gfd, and safe sex/ bdsm practices/ info. Send a tip via Ko-Fi to appreciate the bear bod and encourage more content. Operating on a queue about 97% of the time. I'm chronically online though

Tags

Self explanatory for most part. If you need me to tag something, let me know! Here are a few:

sheepy writes - my content

my gorgeous mutuals/ from my mutuals - mutuals' content

dumb soft doms - things I associate with

nom nom nom - butts

This is a safe space for people to enjoy, and explore themselves. I do not know everything about the lifestyle I'm in, but I educate as I learn.

This blog is my personal diary, I write whatever I feel, reblog posts I enjoy like pinning posters onto a board ... it's MY space. Always will be.

[practically-an-x-man]

1, 4, 6, 10 for Heart in Your Hands and/or Catch and Release?

Ooh thank you!!!

Answers under the cut for space :D

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

HIYH: We're really just getting started so that's hard to answer at the moment... I guess I wanted to play with perspectives a little more, contrasting Lars' modern and scientific worldview with Jimmy's more historic but curious perspective. And I wanted to take a few tropes, like the "true love's kiss" trope, and revamp them in a way that I found more appealing.

C&R: Hm... I think my main goal in this one was themes of grief and family, which I think I accomplished, but I also wanted to play around with this grief-stricken, somewhat guarded antihero character since that was a perspective I hadn't touched quite as much with my other characters. And I had just seen No Way Home three times in theaters and I wanted desperately to try and fit my own character into that world to the point that people would start to forget she wasn't really there in the movie.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

HIYH: Again, not much of a pool to pick from yet, but... this interaction was one of the first that popped into my head, and I just think it's so funny:

“You’re… shockingly normal.” Lars blurted, unable to help himself.  “You’re shockingly British.” the spirit responded, baring him another of those little half-smiles, “Where’ve you taken me, stranger?”

C&R: Oooh, there are a lot of lines to pick from here, I really love Olly's sharp wit. I could write a whole essay on her entrance into the battle with Charybdis, but instead I'm gonna go with this line from the fight on Lady Liberty:

“You like hip-hop? Or is jazz more your style?” Max taunted, lifting his hands. Argonaut kept her eyes on his palms, waiting for a spark. Even as she did, her mouth was running. “I prefer tango.” she said calmly, the only warning before her actuators came flying out at him. One claw slammed him mercilessly into the scaffolding, the resulting screech of metal on metal almost enough to make her wince. With two claws still anchoring her, the fourth and final spiraled outwards, reaching for the reactor glued to his chest. Argonaut grinned. “You had it coming.”

It's the combination of her mouth running on its own, automatically firing off these sharp quips about fighting-as-dancing and all that, while inwardly she's distracted by Peter's good-luck kiss and promise to take her to a Broadway show when everything's over (the "you had it coming" is a reference to the Cell Block Tango from Chicago)

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

HIYH: It's got a lighter overall tone than my other fics, and it's going to stay there. The darkest this one will get is the canon events in Frozen Empire, and even that's brief. Currently Heartstrings is a little fluffier than this one overall, but Heartstrings is gonna have some killer angst once we get to it.

C&R: It's the closest I get to a crossover fic. Usually I stick to one canon or universe, and I am still sticking to the general world of Spider-Man in this one, but we get surprise appearances from Hobie, references to Spiderverse's LYLA, and of course all the multiverse-jumping in No Way Home itself. I have to say, it's a BEAST to keep track of, but I think it's paid off.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

HIYH: I knew I wanted to write for Lars since he seemed like a really neat character (and he's kinda cute ngl), and while his sexuality isn't ever stated or even hinted at in the movie as far as I could tell, I think his character works well as a gay man and I really wanted to explore the dynamic between his modern view on queerness compared to Jimmy's hidden-in-life/brave-in-death approach.

C&R: I've been a longtime fan of Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker, and I wanted to look at this, like... "two ships passing in the night" sort of romance as brought on by the multiverse. And he's super super bi, so I wanted to give him a partner who is equally bi and have them both be open about those past relationships.

In general, I tend to build my OCs to complement the canon characters, so I can explore some really neat character dynamics and relationships. That's also why I like writing OC x Canon rather than fully canon-character or fully OC ships most of the time, it allows me to build one character as a tool to explore whatever dynamic I want to capture with the other, like an extended character study. It's the challenge of keeping the canon character(s) reasonably accurate to their source material, while putting them into situations where they're interacting with someone completely new.

[leatherlaceandrope]

Hi, call me Legion. This is my really kinky sideblog where I cum come to be horny. I'm a good, yet sometimes feisty kitty. Don't worry, I try not scratch and bite too hard. I prefer cuddles and pets most of the time. 😻😻😻

I'm a 31 year old trans creature man and go by he/him and it/its pronouns. It's complicated and kinda fluid, like it's 5d spacetime instead of just 4d. Also still feminine because I love cute and pretty things. And as my blog description says, bisexual because I specifically like to go by vibe more than anything else. So, really just plain queer.

I'm also a polyfrag DID system, so different parts have slightly different preferences. We're not likely to talk about it outside this post but it is important. It basically means our gatekeeper team has full control of what can and can't be done to our mind. If you do want to see that mess of recovery, it's @eldritch-queern-magicat.

As a whole, I'm not looking for any serious relationships. I don't care if I just happen to fall into one, but I'm not actively looking. There's a lot of other stuff I need to sort out first before I get to that point. This is simply about having fun with others.

Anyway here's the stuff I'm definitely into:

Hypnosis/mindlessness/brainwashing

Dronification/robotification/dollification

Objectification (with praise/aftercare)

Tentacles/monster fucking

Bondage

Pet play

Spanking/biting

Edging/orgasm denial

Dumbification (because I think way too much sometimes and need a break now and then)

Mommy domme little boy

Other notes about what I like:

I'm always a kitty-cat first but I'm not against exploring playing as other animals (this can be creative because I love animals in general)

Please call me a cute little thing or something like it, or pretty

Femboy or girly boy are cool, too

I'm fine with my chest being called my tits, but please nothing else

It/its pronouns aren't totally for kinky reasons but they do amplify some of the effects by nature of their common use

And then my absolute HARD NOs:

Tickling, bodily waste (scat, piss, vomit, etc), weight loss/gain, race play, breath play (I'm asthmatic)

If something you're into isn't on the list of stuff I'm definitely into, but it's not listed as a hard no, message me and we can talk about it. I'm not just going to close myself off to new ideas or kinks even if I don't understand them. May even lead to expanding my yay list. I'm an incredibly curious person.

My DNI is the basics for a kink blog, really. I don't want bigots and assholes here, and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. No minors. This is an adult-only space. That said, if you don't have your age listed and easy to find, that's on you. I will not be held responsible for the ‘what if’ you happen to be under age 18 but just aren't saying so/are actually lying. But I will use my own discretion if I have reason to suspect you're under 18. If confirmed, you will be reported and blocked. I'm operating on good faith of only adults interacting with this sideblog. Any form of age indication, even if you just say 18+ only or something, still makes me feel more comfortable with interacting here than none.

If you want something for some non-sexual, still weird fun, allow me to direct you to my general audiences drone blog, @drone-unit8454. Just remember to keep the horny shit here.

No unsolicited real life pictures by the way! And pictures of genitals will be responded to appropriately by you ending up blocked. I'm also absolutely not going to be giving out any spicy pictures of myself. I'm really shy about showing myself to people online to begin with. What I do accept are things like spirals and other such gifs. If you're not sure about something, just ask.

I have the most real world experience as a sub, but if you're exclusively a sub, I wouldn't mind acting as a soft, service-oriented dom. Like I said, I'm eager to please (but let's also take it easy starting out). Either way, I'll always try to be flexible within reason. My ask box and messages are open.

Will probably edit this thing as time goes on.

[aeide-thea]

defending h*rry styles is really, really not the hill i want to die on—i'm not even a fan of his!—but i gotta say, i'm really tired of the line of discourse i keep seeing that's like, 'he hasn't suffered enough to deserve credit for being gnc' or whatever the fuck, as if that were even remotely how these things work. like. there are a lot of good and important conversations to be had about the role of privilege in the kind of press he gets—maybe we could have those conversations without sounding as though we resent that he's not getting beaten up instead, as though that would somehow improve things???

[multiplecomplexes]

(@mashbrainrot since you wanted to know)

Okay, so I guess I should start off with this - I do not see Trapper and Hawkeye's relationship as being romantic, or even physical.

I think they love each other, deeply. I think they were both very important to each other's stability and mental health. But I just do not see their relationship extending beyond the platonic, or even the familial. Which, I would like add, does not dilute, diminish, or detract from the Love shared between them.

However.

I do also see them both as being closeted queer men, perhaps even partially closeted to one another. They both know, but neither has actually said anything outright, so they can dance around it, and joke about it, and try to find a comfortable place to be in it, while still holding on to that plausible deniability lifeline.

But the thing is, because they are platonic queer friends, they can play.

They can just say shit. And because there's no real stakes, there's no problem, it's all a good time and they can just screw around and play with this new (queer) way of being. The 4077, for all its horrors, has created, ironically, a safe space bubble. Klinger can crossdress and explore a new way of expressing his masculinity/femininity/gender, Margaret has a freedom of expression and responsibility that she probably just would not get in any other setting as a 1950s woman, Hawkeye is...the way he is, you see where I'm going with this?

The 4077, in its weird way isn't "real", this isn't the World. This is currently their reality but its not...Reality.

So they can be. They can try stuff, do stuff, explore themselves in ways that may or may not have been open to them in a different setting.

And then, Reality hits.

Henry dies, Trapper leaves, and thus - enter BJ, stage right.

(Further under the cut cause I start to go on)

And BJ....just messes everything up.

Because its real.

Joking and being open about his queerness isn't quite so comfortable for Hawkeye anymore when the guy he's bouncing off of is...earnest.

There is real emotion here, there are stakes, there are consequences. BJ has a family. And if something happens between he and Hawkeye...what then? We know how Hawkeye is about families, about children, the guilt that he would feel would destroy him.

These aren't just playful jokes that mean nothing, aren't serious, and are just meant to tease, the man is actually very much in love with Hawkeye. Its not

So it's not safe, anymore. We're striking too close to home, now.

Calling yourself a guy's missus just doesn't slide off as easily as it does when you know the guy in question wants that to be your reality, even if only for awhile.

Making sex jokes isn't as easy when that is something that could happen, compared to making those same jokes with someone who is like "yeah sure of course, I'd fuck you dude, totally" and then can't even keep a straight (haha) face while saying it because it's just so ridiculous and the both of you know it and are fine with it.

BJ's emotions, and the romantic love and physical attraction he feels toward Hawkeye is real. It's too real, in fact. Add a joke and there's very little space to breathe.

So, Hawkeye pulls back. He's still flamboyant, he still flagrant and out there, but in the face of BJ's reality, his diminishes.

Also something that needs to be taken into account is that, once season four rolled around, the show had gained popularity, recognition was growing. And the tone changed.

In the first three seasons they had several POC in either recurring roles, or singular roles with importance. They talked about racism, war, gay men in the army, civilians being stolen for soldiers, children being drafted, the way foreign soliders (and particularly American soldiers) came in and completely fucked over and subjugated the Korean people, the blatant LIES the army told to cover its ass when they made a mistake, propaganda, ect. it was a gigantic Fuck You to the army, "Regular Army" was the enemy, sometimes even more than opposing forces were.

Seasons 1-3, for all its faults (and it had them) was belligerent.

But season four and onwards was when the money and the attention came in. And that's not to say that they didn't still have a message, or anything like that, no no, not at all. But the studio was paying more attention now and they had to mind their step a bit better if they want to strike deep where it counts, because they have to measure their blows now.

So, by a kind of necessity, their teeth were dulled.

Klinger was in uniform more often, "Regular Army" actually had some good guys in it, and Hawkeye's queerness did not progress much farther from the point it had already reached (not to say that is actually would have before, we don't know, probably not, but you get my gist).

So that's my longwinided point, Hawkeye might have gotten queerer if Trapper had stayed around, I think it's probable even, given that his character is always pushing the envelope of behavior, but with the arrival of BJ and the truth of his emotions and desires toward Hawkeye, coupled with the advent of extra hands on the pen and eyes in the writer's room, effectively set the limit.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I'm obsessed with the latest popcast episode about Harry Styles. Jon Caramanica talks about Lindsay Zoladz in the first half about Harry's music and then Kaitlyn Tiffany come on and they all three talk about fandom (and their experiences of 1D concerts) and everything about it fascinates me.

I always love Jon Caramanica's takes on Harry Styles, from the legendary "Liking Harry Styles music is a symptom of liking Harry Styles". To his very on-brand plot twist that he actually likes Harry's House (and Cinema in particular - although he thinks it should have been about Cinnamon). And he upped that, when he was read the Sony leak powerpoint about the 1D members 'Beautiful, Cheeky and Adorably Slow' he said 'well that person deserves a raise, because they nailed 2022 Harry's persona'. But his takes were only the bonus.

What was endless fascinating to me, is how they kept returning tothe gap they very clearly identified. Lindsay Zoladz was about how much he wants to please and hold up his female listeners and says that she loses a sense of his perspective, and Jon Caramanica says it's the totality of his perspective and she replies "I feel like there has to be more there." And there was this massive space where the elephant may or not be and it was just left there.

And I'm not like 'critics responses to Harry's music proves he's closeted'. But what I do think it proves (to paraphrase Jon Caramanica in a different context) is that what we are noticing is real, that doesn't mean we're right - but it does mean we are responding to something that actually exists.

Although they also compared him to Shawn Mendes and Lil Nas X - and part of me was just like: "Oh come on! Can you acknowledge the spade when you're actively digging with it" (which of course they can't and they absolutely shouldn't - but it shows the impossible bind of the closet).

Jon Caramanica's comparison to Lil Nas X was fascinating - he said that both Harry and Lil Nas X were very good at being a celebrity, but there was something missing in their music which was the pretence of them being celebrities. And Lil Nas X was trying too hard, and Harry wasn't trying hard enough. Which I thought was a fascinating commentary on both queerness as spectacle, and the way queer artists are understood.

**************

And then they brought on Kaitlyn Tiffany and things got even more interesting. I'm not going to go into great detail about Kaitlyn Tiffany's understanding of 1D and the line she seems to walk when presenting herself as a fan and fandom to people she sees as grownups.

What absolutely blew my mind about the episode was that Jon Caramanica asked Kaitlyn Tiffany: "Did fans forsee Harry's interest in fashion and his gender presentation, and if they did did they help make that happen by their interest?"

And her reply was: "The fashion thing did come as a surprise, because 1D dressed quite bad"

I've no idea what was going on for her there. Was she telling the truth, and within the fandom she knew nobody was noticing the nail polish that had been cleaned off, or the signs of exploration in 2014 and 2015? Was she deliberately prevaricating and avoiding the question, because she can't acknowledge what that would mean about fandom dynamics.

I was struck again about how incomprehensible 1D and its fandom are, unless you have some curiosity about Larries. Kaitlyn Tiffany is quite extreme in her investment in presenting Larries as illegitimate. But that perspective has permeated wider discourse about 1D. And it's worth noting that the idea that a group of fans are illegitimate and therefore curiosity is not appropriate is very odd within wider pop culture discourse. And I think it's worth thinking about both the cause and affect of that.

[queerprayers]

hi! i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night. im coming for a bit of advice, but first id like to thank you for creating this blog! faith can be such a difficult thing to struggle with, especially as a queer youth like myself. it can feel so isolating at times, so it’s really nice to be able to get advice from someone who understands what that feels like and will give you honest assistance. anyways now on to my actual bit. i’ve been sort of struggling with my own faith for a few months now, it’s always at the back of my head. i’ve always found religion and christianity really fascinating regardless of whether i believed in it or not. i was raised Lutheran when i was a little kid, but when we moved away from my grandparents i found out that not believing in that was an option and i haven’t really honestly believed since. but these past few months i’ve found myself habitually praying (specifically to the archangels) almost as a knee jerk response to when i go through something hard and need some help. i never confess anything, as even if i did believe i don’t think i would do that, but it’s often times just explaining the problem and asking for help. it often makes me feel better. since then i’ve just not been sure what i believed in. i don’t think i’ll ever fully conform to a christian Capital G God, but maybe religion isn’t as scary and othering as i thought and i might try it out. i know this was mostly just a vent, but i’d love to hear your thoughts/advice for me if you have any. it felt nice to get this off my chest regardless. thank you so much <3

It's been a while since you sent this but hello, beloved! I'm doing well today! Vents are good! You are so welcome for this blog—I created it when I really wasn't sure about anything except I couldn't change myself, and I felt a calling to a God I wasn't sure existed. I've grown so much and I'm in a much better place (although that place is still often scary and always full of questions).

Prayer is such a human response, and a beautiful one—that impulse to ask the universe for help, to admit we're not in control, and that we feel alone sometimes but we know or we hope somewhere deep down that we're not. I totally understand prayer without faith, and we can find prayer-like practices in many secular places, like meditation and art. Talking through a problem helps most everyone, even if we're 100% sure no one is listening! Even in my moments of extreme doubt, I always pray—whether I'm angry at God or sure They're imagined or hateful. 

Also, it's completely normal to fall back to the faith we grew up with even if we're not sure it fits us anymore. The values and practices we were given as a kid come with us, for better or for worse. Sometimes we just want to go back to when it may have been simple to recite a prayer before bed, and not question the whole universe as we're doing so. This doesn't make us weak or brainwashed—it makes us human (nostalgic, perhaps, or hurting, but human).

A verse I always come back to when I'm in those in-between moments of faith is Mark 9:24: "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" We're allowed to be full of contradictions, and we're allowed to pray to a God we're not sure exists. The scene is of a father pleading for his ill child, and it doesn't matter what he's sure of—he will fall down on his knees and pray through tears. May it be so for us.

I wouldn't worry about conforming—we need more people to question and not conform and find new ways to have a relationship with God! Being comfortable, inspired, loving > conforming. 

It's lovely that you're thinking of exploring religion! I would really encourage you to learn about a variety of faiths and visit local worship spaces—especially faiths/communities that you don't know anything about or would never have considered! You never know where you'll find God. Some religion is scary and othering, I won't lie—but the people who push through that and find or create spaces full of love and faith are the strongest people I know. It can be a lot of effort with a noticeable lack of promised reward, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

To be a happy queer Christian, you have to want it, and you have to fight for it. While I wish it was easier, it does mean we're here because we don't have a choice, because something/someone called us here, and because we followed love and not the rules. (Didn't mean for that to sound like a T-shirt slogan; please give me some royalties.)

God be with you on your journey, may the universe watch over you on the days when you can't name it as God, may archangels protect and guide you, and remember the world is your home, regardless of whether you ever find/want a faith community.

<3 Johanna

[caustic-light]

Would also add that "pride spaces for kids or teens" don't get to push out any trace of kink either; queer history has leather baked into it and to present pride to kids, while trying to make it "kid friendly" in the way many demand pride be, is a disservice to queer kids.

Pride spaces for kids should focus on things that queer kids need better access to, not things that certain adults think they should be barred from. And when we look at teens specifically, removing leather and anything kinky not only cuts them off of their own history and culture, it also strips away the abillity to explore their own sexuality in a safe environment full of people who are like them.

So much of this conversation takes for granted sexuality as a corrupting influence, even when defending kink at pride we tend to go through "it's not sex to wear pup gear in public" (which is correct, mind you) but this engages with an argument that assumes that with the line between not sex and sex there is a uniquely damaging power.

And that power, no matter how much we argue, is not bound to sex acts, it is inherent to queer sexuality. We can not argue that fact away by engaging with it.

Say a thirteen year old is at their first pride and they see a group of leather daddies. The thriteen year old immediately gets such a raging boner that they wanna throw up and can feel their brain chemistry being altered for life.

Now what?

They realized, likely with some overwhelming confusion that they really like body hair, fat bellies and black leather. Is that what we need to protect teens from at pride?

They likely have some questions. Or a lot. Like "What's up with that?" "Where can I buy a jacket like that?" "How are you not dying of heat stroke in that outfit in the middle of June?"

How nice for them that they're at a place where the people who can answer this kind of stuff are right there.

There's even (where I live, but I 99% guarantee where you live, too, if your pride is any level of an established tradition where you live) people who give out free condoms and pamphlets on sexual health, consent and safety, as well as info on where to get more resources that said thirteen year old can be redirected towards if their questions veer towards "random pride attendents will likely not wanna have this conversation with a random kid" territorry.

This is a good thing. This is not something kids need protecting from. Most teenagers get horny. Having kink involved in that is not a damaging influence. Kink is not an adult only phenomenon. Queer kids deserve to be at pride, specifically because it has kink baked into it. As long as we aren't making peace with that, we're going nowhere.

Yes pride is for kids, too, and the assless chaps stay on!

If I had to guess, over half the people who are like "oh we don't want sexual stuff at pride" are people who've been told there is public fucking at pride by people intentionally misleading others. I know when I first heard about the discourse I thought the two sides were "people should be allowed to fuck publicly at pride, there shouldn't be any kids there bc it shouldn't be family friendly" and "pride should be family-friendly bc there will be kids there" and my initial reaction was "wait people fuck at pride? Yeah that's wrong, I think pride should be able to be attended to by queer kids and teens".

I then learned that the people who presented the two sides in that way were being misleading and went "wait wtf??" (I also learned that "family-friendly" was not, in fact, synonymous with "okay for kids to see", but was actually a dogwhistle.)

So, like, there is something to be said for the fact that 'sex in public' is a fact of life for unhoused people and for the history of queer people, and I don't want to be like 'hey any kind of sex in any place that might be vaguely considered public should ruin your life.' That's the kind of thinking that ends up with a woman thinking she's alone on a deserted beach masturbating, not realizing a family is within eyeshot up the beach, getting her arrest video posted by the cops to shame her, and dying by suicide because people harassed her endlessly. (This was recent.)

But that said, no one is whipping out their dick at Pride. The issue is that, to some people, any display of queer sexuality is considered basically the same as two dudes rawdogging on a pile of dicks.

And yeah, sure, Pride should be for a lot of people, but also, Pride started because a bunch of kinky queer adults said 'yeah, we deserve time and space for us,' and making it okay for queer kids and teens should not result in the expulsion of those who created it in the first place.

I fully support the creation of additional and alternate Pride spaces for kids and teens, but under no circumstances should that come at the cost of pushing out the people who got us there in the first place.

But yeah, there are people who are being super fucking disingenuous about this and I'm over it.