#like if there was a way to do therapy where i don't have to actually meet face to face

[notbecauseofvictories]

50/50

Well, 2024 sure did...happen.

Anyway! I didn't set any sort of goal to watch 50 films and read 50 books this year, but that's where I ended up. Neither number is exactly accurate, and I'm leaving out television, revisiting what I've already read/watched, and all the ridiculous novels I pick up when I'm hungover, but still. I'm kind of impressed with myself. I didn't get to 50 books last year, and I don't think I've watched 50 movies in a year ever---but the more I watch them, the more I explore what they can do and communicate, the more I want to see. As a lifelong reader, it's interesting to explore a new kind of art, to try and intuit your way in through a strikingly different form of communicating the exact same humanness.

TOP FIVE 2024

FILMS

The Florida Project (2017)

Crimes of the Future (2022)

M (1931)

Something in the Dirt (2022)

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2021)

It's been months and months since I saw The Florida Project, and I still think about it. The bright and artificial sherbet coloring of it; the dank and mold and shadows that linger around the edges....Actually, I think of all these films in terms of their aesthetics first. Not that there wasn't a story there, but because they all represent such a marriage with form. Consider Crimes of the Future with its fading decay, its browns and rust; M with its stylized, refined cityscape even in the greyscale of 30s cinema; Something in the Dirt where every shot is mundane, or fantastical or both; and We're All Going to the World's Fair, with the particular blue-grey loneliness of the internet age. Surely the benefit of watching a movie (as opposed to anything else) is being presented with something to watch, and I like when directors and creative teams understand that.

Honorable mention to American Psycho (2000) since I'm still a little insane about it---or maybe Corsage (2022) because whether or not it was a good movie, it was nevertheless the most uncompromising, brutal portrait of a historical figure I've seen.

BOOKS

The Rehearsal, Eleanor Catton

Big Swiss, Jen Beagin

Vintner's Luck, Elizabeth Knox

Wylding Hall, Elizabeth Hand

Diavola, Jennifer Thorne

Some people may try to tell you that horror is a discrete genre---I am here to tell you that it's not. All great novels are horror stories, and those listed above especially. From The Rehearsal's self-important artistes, to the therapy-speak Millennials of Big Swiss, to the musicians of Wylding Hall (who miss every sign that Something Is Happening) and the Pace family of Diavola (who deny that the signs mean anything, even after fleeing their vacation home in the night)....all these novels are a study in people experiencing something painful, even terrible. And yet, that provides incredibly fertile territory for their authors to explore the things that come with horror---complicity, desire for closeness, narration and performance, the open wound of family, the thin netting of modernity that keeps us from plunging into something older and darker than we can comprehend.

The only exception might be Vintner's Luck. Not because it's not there as a theme, but because the novel itself spans the narrator's life. By the time he's middle-aged he's committed so many errors, he can't judge too harshly when others do. In this respect it's almost an answer to the questions horror poses---not just how do you survive this? but how do you go on, having survived that?

Honorable mention to Dead Inside, by Chandler Morrison, because it was stomach-turning in the very best way. Echoes of Cipher by Kathe Koja---when an author really knows, really understands, how to wield grossness without shirking or apologizing for it, the result is delightful.

Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022 | Books of 2023

[soft-pine]

@angelsdean: #i think cas is good at cutting thru the bullshit and just saying things succinctly (and often bluntly)#and i think he's a good listener and is also someone dean himself actually chooses to open up to#and often WANTS to talk to (unlike w/ sam)#but yea he's not giving dean a therapy session. cas is not the wise all-knowing master of emotion#it's all actually very new to him! he's still getting the hang of human stuff!#and sam. well. he's mr. projection and deflection boy#and pretty bad at his own emotional processing#and should in no way be giving out advice let alone playing Perfect Therapist (and often Queer Expert) Sam#like obvs ppl can write what they want forever and do as they please in fanworks#but when ppl conflate this specific tropey depiction of them w/ canon it gets annoying#bc they very much are not like that in canon

@ilarual: #they are all deeply traumatized people with a shit ton of issues#and they all NEED the space and security to be able to heal and grow#but that doesn't mean that ANY of them are equipped to be each other's live-in therapist#Cas is more emotionally intelligent than he gives himself credit for but he's not a particularly verbose communicator#likewise while Dean is absolutely a safe person for Cas to open up to it's not his responsibility to be Cas's therapist#in fact your partner is probably the absolute WORST person to try to play informal therapist#and the less said about Sam in the therapizing your family conversation the better

@shallowseeker: #cuts through bullshit#also good at communicating without fluff which is what dean tends to appreciate#a lack of artifice

@indistarlight: #he's very blunt which helps dean as its the opposite of literary fictional reference word vomit mixed with vulnerability encased in bravado#but his biggest speeches are all literally when he thinks he'll be too dead to deal with the aftermath#he is very good at showing empathy and care when he's present tho! which i think dean appreciates despite how much it disarms him

@im-some-lionheart: #also Dean is canonically the one out of the three of them who most often initiates emotional conversations..#It don't mean Sam and Cas wouldn't ask him about his feelings but rather that it's most likely Dean's gonna ask THEM first#also what I love about dean and cas' heart to hearts is that it's almost always a variation of:#Cas: how are you#Dean: fan fucking tastic#cas: doubt#dean: ok I'm not fine I'm actually crumbling#cas: *offers support in the form of a killer one-liner or a shared moment of comfortable silence*#Top tier chef's kiss dynamic 👌🏻#which is why fics where they have long open and honest conversations about their feelings always take me out of the story#I'm sorry but it's not just that he would not say that (and he wouldn't)#it's that he wouldn't say ALL OF THAT. These are emotionally stunned and deeply traumatized “straight” (allegedly) Men#have you ever TRIED to talk to a man about his own emotions????#that entire conversation needs to be filled with short sentences tense silences and half said stuff

i think the confession made people forget cas is not really a consistent verbal communicator/processor.

i just dont know if like the verbose and florid speech he'd held in for years and finally spilled on his deathbed is like the best roadmap for how he'd communicate on a random wednesday....

[bludstein]

UTRH×WFA Dimensional Body Swap (Part 1)

Disclaimer:

-I haven't read Batman much so my knowledge is limited to BTAS, UTRH The Movie, Young Justice, Super Sons, WFA, and a few other comics with specific banter. I am so sorry to Tim, Steph, Cass, Barbara, and Duke fans out there.

-WFA in this fic is pretty much an alternate universe where heroes actually went to therapists (and no one suffered from Character Assassination) so some things didn't happen or did happen but went differently.

-I assumed since Bruce got therapy earlier, he became a better person and father in the process. Which led a domino effect where Dick became a flawed yet better brother to Jason (albeit not as good as the present Dick). Jason, who is showered with more love than the original, ended up with his personality in WFA.

-Under the Red Hood arc in WFA most likely happened earlier since Jason is still a whooping 19 year old. So, assuming the mainline Jason is currently 22 then WFA Jason would've been 17 or even 16 year old during his Red Hood debut. It also went off rails in the middle since this Jason can't even face the Joker without going on panic attack and was saved by Bruce. They made up not long after.

WFA Jason arriving on his safehouse, only to get flash-banged and ended up in a different place. He's in an alleyway—one he didn't recognize. He notices that the air is different—still polluted but lacked the distinct smog of chemical concoctions made by Batman's Rogues Gallery. He steps outside for a bit, this place totally isn't Gotham. It's way too bright and modern—wait, is that the Statue of Liberty? No way, Jason is in New York? But why? Is it a villain attack?

He reaches for the phone in his jacket, realizing it's out of power. Damn it, who knew that teleportation messed with your phone's battery? He picks up the sound of battle—hearing a familiar clash of escrima sticks against flesh and bones. He knows exactly who it is—hearing a similar sound not too long ago. Jason trails after the source, striding through the streets and went up the stairs. He hears bone cracking, gunshots, and two voices—an older man and Dick talking. Maybe Dick got teleported too? Suddenly, a figure in black and blue falls from the rooftop.

Jason's heart stopped for a moment and instinctively catches Dick in his arms. He let out a sigh of relief, hauling Nightwing onto the fire escape. Huh, did Dick got a new hairstyle? Why did he changed into his older gear? Whatever it is, it can wait. They have to move towards a safer place—leading the older man to the rooftop.

"Are you okay? I heard gunshots and came to check." Jason asks, his worry evident even through the voice modulator. He checks on Dick's injury, finding a broken hand and a few bruises.

Dick looks at him funny, assessing his appearance before asking. "Since when did you have a bat symbol on your costume?" Jason can hear the scrutiny and suspicion in his voice. He raises an eyebrow—though Dick can't see it through his helmet and instead answers in confusion. "Since a few years ago?"

Dick doesn't buy it for whatever reason, his brows furrowing. "You weren't even back that long." He says matter-of-factly, his suspicion growing. "Whatever it is you are scheming, it needs to stop now. My hand is full with the Pierce Brothers and I sure as hell don't need you to make it harder by impersonating me."

"What do you mean?" Jason asks incredulously, now it's his turn to look at him funny. Pierce Brothers? Impersonating? Tonight is getting weirder and weirder. Oh god, could it be?

"Exactly what it means—" Dick is cut off by rains of bullets, dodging them by his sheer reflex and agility. He follows through, moving just in time and glances up at the taller building across the road. However, Jason is suddenly tackled by Nightwing—a grunt escapes him as they roll all over the concrete floor five feet across his original position.

"Wait, Nightwing! I think there is a big misunderstanding—"

"What misunderstanding? I know it was you under that Nightwing costume, murdering people left and right."

"I haven't—" Jason trails off and quickly adds. "What year is it?"

"Oh, the big bad Red Hood forgets his calendar? Obviously, it's—"

Oh.

Oh, that was... years ago.

But how? He joined the family not too long after Bruce found him, panicked and scared. He was supposed to capture the Joker and gave Bruce an ultimatum. However, Jason wasn't brave enough—that laugh is enough to sent him into a panic attack and ruined whatever plan he had.

It took a while to understand that Bruce loved and cared about him—in his own way. They went to Black Canary for consultation, a middle ground between their differing minds. She explained that Bruce would lose everything if he broke his one rule—his friends, his family, and even himself. He found out along the way that Dick had avenged him, albeit briefly and it took a huge toll on the man's mental health. He also found out that Tim wasn't half bad—begrudgingly so.

It wasn't always a smooth journey, of course. Not enough people understand the sheer patience and forgiveness it took to went through the path of recovery. Jason wasn't even allowed to patrol until he was in good enough headspace. Rubber bullets was the compromise they made on one of their therapy sessions. Now that Jason is out of place and time, without the support of his family and friends—with bloody reputation to booth—how will he return home?

(Might upload the fic to Ao3 if it got good enough response).

[acorpsecalledcorva]

Ok time to have the conversation about the "not part of a widely accepted cultural practice" exclusion in the DSM-V diagnostic criteria. The DSM criteria get used so much as a rhetorical device in arguments from both anti and pro endos I swear half of you don't even think about what the diagnostic criteria are actually for. They do not exist to prove your point, they exist as a means of providing access to psychiatric care and attempt to prevent people from being given the wrong care. Think of it like giving anti biotics for a viral infection, you don't want to take someone's appendix out to cure a headache.

While you can absolutely make the argument that endogenic plurality or tulpa systems fall under the purview of that exclusion criteria, that is absolutely not why the criteria were put there in the first place. It's just not what they're referring to, they weren't thinking about endogenic plurality, they probably didn't even know it existed as a phenomena at the time.

So who are they referring to? And why might a diagnosis of DID be inappropriate for these individuals? Well one example are Brazilian Spiritist mediums or Umbanda practitioners. When it comes to the discussions psychs are actually having about cultural practices that exhibit phenomena that could be mistaken for DID, this is what's actually being talked about.

And here's a study that assesses Spiritist mediums for dissociative symptoms to see how the two experiences relate. Spoiler: they don't, it can just look like a DID switch when a possession is taking place.

I would strongly encourage people to learn about Spiritism and Umbanda, they're very very interesting practices we can learn a lot about. I honestly like the fact that Northern hemisphere Western psychs don't really know what to do with them because the practices deeply challenge what we widely accept as normal human experience but they can't find anything actually wrong with it so they end up as a footnote in papers where the authors just kinda shrug and go "and this also exists but they're inconvenient so let's not worry about them for now". That's a very good thing to exist in academia. What I do hate though is when mediums get lumped in with endogenic plurality as a rhetorical device when I would bet almost none of them identify as such if they even know what it is. It's just culturally insensitive and a misrepresentation of what mediumship is.

But why is this important in regards to diagnosis? Well, because no one is immune to poor mental health. Just because a practice is healthy doesn't mean every person practicing it is mentally healthy. If a medium comes into a psychs office for a mental health issue and starts freely talking about being possessed by spirits that take over executive control of their mind and body, well, you could be excused for suspecting a DID diagnosis, yet it may be wholly inappropriate to do so. The kind of parts focused trauma therapy that is used to help with DID may do more harm than good when a person does not have alters and is not a system at all. Not least of all because it takes fucking ages and there are likely much more efficient therapies that could be used.

The inverse of this though in regards to today's trending topic is that parts focused trauma therapy may absolutely be appropriate for an endogenic system. If a system has trauma but was not formed by it, but that trauma is woven throughout the system in a similar way to DID with protectors and trauma holders to help cope with what happened, then a diagnosis of DID may absolutely be an appropriate way to access the specialised care that they need.

That's what a diagnosis is for.

[fisheito]

My favourite fantasy lately is Kuya kidnapping Eiden and bringing him to a house in the woods to punish him for endangering himself during some adventure. Kuya keeps Eiden in bondage and constantly on edge, teasing and denying him. And Eiden just takes it without asking to be let out, allowing Kuya to vent his fear and frustration, because he's nice like that.

But, at some point, even the strongest little soldiers break, and just when Eiden is about to shatter from all the stress and Kuya's oppressive anxiety, Quincy comes for the rescue. He's the only one who managed to find that little wooden shack in the middle of nowhere (you know, because Kuya's allowed him to), and he comes in and persuades Kuya to relent.

Kuya hasn't even given Eiden any dick in all the (three? four?) days they've been at it, so serious he was about the discipline aspect!

Eiden cries when Kuya finally fucks him, and Quincy makes him spill

this just reminds me of Billowing Wildfire Kuya R2 where eiden saID sO HImself

i would not be surprised if kuya went full speed into an evil edging hostage situation because he doesn't know how to process eiden's mortality

[ithacanradio]

the most gorgeous man I've ever known sent me a drunk voice message hurt that i left my job at the bar he goes to without telling him and adding that he saw me on tv speaking about palestine, which turned into me telling my ex boss to give him my number, and the sober voice message was much worse because this sweet guy just tells me that he's so proud of me and then i can feel him like talking with a constricted throat saying he understands that i left and closes with "from the river to the sea" and doesn't it just suck that some things have no hope of ever beginning and yet still end somehow

[burningcomputerpersona]

ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[akchually]

.

[scarletcomet]

I really need to get better and not want to hurt myself

[salsflore]

[curlicuecal]

playing science telephone

Hi folks. Let's play a fun game today called "unravelling bad science communication back to its source."

Journey with me.

Saw a comment going around on a tumblr thread that "sometimes the life expectancy of autism is cited in the 30s"

That number seemed..... strange. The commenter DID go on to say that that was "situational on people being awful and not… anything autism actually does", but you know what? Still a strange number. I feel compelled to fact check.

Quick Google "autism life expectancy" pulls up quite a few websites bandying around the number 39. Which is ~technically~ within the 30s, but already higher than the tumblr factoid would suggest. But, guess what. This number still sounds strange to me.

Most of the websites presenting this factoid present themselves as official autism resources and organizations (for parents, etc), and most of them vaguely wave towards "studies."

Ex: "Above And Beyond Therapy" has a whole article on "Does Autism Affect Life Expectancy" and states:

The link implies that it will take you to the "research studies" being referenced, but it in fact takes you to another random autism resource group called.... Songbird Care?

And on that website we find the factoid again:

Ooh, look. Now they've added the word "some". The average lifespan for SOME autistic people. Which the next group erased from the fact. The message shifts further.

And we have slightly more information about the study! (Which has also shifted from "studies" to a singular "study"). And we have another link!

Wonderfully, this link actually takes us to the actual peer-reviewed 2020 study being discussed. [x]

And here, just by reading the abstract, we find the most important information of all.

This study followed a cohort of adolescent and adult autistic people across a 20 year time period. Within that time period, 6.4% of the cohort died. Within that 6.4%, the average age of death was 39 years.

So this number is VERY MUCH not the average age of death for autistic people, or even the average age of death for the cohort of autistic people in that study. It is the average age of death IF you died young and within the 20 year period of the study (n=26), and also we don't even know the average starting age of participants without digging into earlier papers, except that it was 10 or older. (If you're curious, the researchers in the study suggested reduced self-sufficiency to be among the biggest risk factors for the early mortality group.)

But the number in the study has been removed from it's context, gradually modified and spread around the web, and modified some more, until it is pretty much a nonsense number that everyone is citing from everyone else.

There ARE two other numbers that pop up semi-frequently:

One cites the life expectancy at 58. I will leave finding the context for that number as an exercise for the audience, since none of the places I saw it gave a direct citation for where they were getting it.

And then, probably the best and most relevant number floating around out there (and the least frequently cited) draws from a 2023 study of over 17,000 UK people with an autism diagnosis, across 30 years. [x] This study estimated life expectancies between 70 and 77 years, varying with sex and presence/absence of a learning disability. (As compared to the UK 80-83 average for the population as a whole.)

This is a set of numbers that makes way more sense and is backed by way better data, but isn't quite as snappy a soundbite to pass around the internet. I'm gonna pass it around anyway, because I feel bad about how many scared internet people I stumbled across while doing this search.

People on quora like "I'm autistic, can I live past 38"-- honey, YES. omg.

---

tl;dr, when someone gives you a number out of context, consider that the context is probably important

also, make an amateur fact checker's life easier and CITE YOUR SOURCES

[wispered-dream]

:T

'I was raised/abused by people who used their illness as an excuse to be horrific towards others and said I wasnt ALLOWED to question it (because then I'd be Obstinate, and go to hell)'

and 'then I was abused by someone who used their illness as an excuse to be horrific towards others and said I wasn't ALLOWED to question it (because then I'd be a Bigot, and everyone will hate me when I tell them)'

Sure does explain so much about me.

Turns out:

- Didn't go to Hell for being Obstinate

- Extended family laughed and high fived me for joining the 'canceled by XYZ' club

So while I am perhaps oversensitized to "abusing the good will/sympathy of others"

I see that those who do this are in the real hell.

And I've seen how it comes crashing down so so SO slowly.

Abusing the sympathy of others results in people who are wary of extending that sympathy ever again. It's a net crueler world, no matter how much you say "NO NO ONE WOULD EVER DO THAT!"

They do, people take advantage of good will/sympathy. Especially when you can exploit that sympathy for control.

People do it without realizing it too, and enabling that only makes it worse. Protecting the 'abuser'/abuser in the name of "we gotta say it never happens to immanetize the eschaton!" is its own Cruelty.

You're gonna damn each other if you put yourself in a place where people are too fearful to tell you you're being unfair. Claiming '-ism' like a YuGiOh trap card [especially to people who are victimized by that -ism, RIP] is a fantastic way to do that.

People learn to ignore the ableism accusations or treat it like a joke. And it's not JUST bigotry, as neat of a solution as it sounds. Someone comes out with a Caard of all their mental illnesses and I'm asking myself 'why' not because GRRR HATE MENTALLY ILL, but because there is still a motivation there.

'If you ask why someone would do that you're a bigot!' okay so are they trying to establish that they want special treatment or needs. I am excessively empathetic to that.

But it's not 'I forget about messages sometimes [And if you werent mentally ill it'd OBVIOUSLY be because you just dont care?*] or might infodump [on nerd websites? How dare you!*]', it's "Here's the disorder I say I have according to the description I give of it, if it's contrary to any knowledge, experience, or literature on the subject it's because you're a bigot."

Personally I just try to treat everyone assuming they COULD be ill, I find everyone could use kindness. I think that's a better model, but the neurodivergent are uniquely suffering or whatever.

"It's not that I want special treatment, I just want to be the same as everyone else gets to be" You are imagining an ideal that does not exist. Even the fabled Neurotypicals are deserving of things like Patience.

See to me it looks like you're only willing to offer those kind of things to people who will tell you their psychiatric histories. My experience with people who have done the caard thing has so regularly been such! Whereas my experience with people who have severe illness [a majority of my friends] are much more *example* or *event* focused.

[thenegativitypit]

Got frustrated thinking about how there's this one kind of person I keep seeing online recently who make wild claims, insult the reader, and then at the end go "why isn't anyone listening to me?!"

Like, dude...

Your panic level: a little high there

Your level of unsourced and outlandish claims: TOO HIGH

Your level of being an asshole: WAY TOO HIGH

If you can find a way to at least source your claims and stop being an asshole, people will listen to you a LOT more, thanks!

[numberone-wifeguy]

05/07/24