#like idk. i cant remember the last time my older sister called me by my actual first name but i feel like you never see that in movies

[dick-chugger]

More movies should have siblings who have nicknames for each other btw

[fics-lovebot]

seventeen fic recs

main masterlist

· ♡ · · tysm to the amazing creative minds of the writers for giving me sevaral moments of joy reading your creations

i´ll be constantly updating this list so make sure to check it out often for new recs

pls remember to reblog if you like any of my recs❤️

LAST UPDATED: 09/12/2024

poly/multiple members

dating svt (hyung line) - ( @wqnwoos ) LOVE IT, joshua got me on a chokehold, and wonwoo PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE :( wherecanIgetoneofthose

dating svt (maknae line) - ( @wqnwoos ) mingyu as a back hugger is so :(((((((((, I can totally see dino writing love letters to his s/o :(((

you take your promise ring off during a fight - ( @wuahae ) performance unit, vocal unit , hip-hop unit, angsty af, made me cry a little

reaction to the camera panning to them when their idol!s/o is on stage - ( @leejungchans ) idol!au, idol!reader, dsfkjsdfjh the jeonghan is my fav idk

kitten ears - ( @hansols-yoda-boxers ) pwp, smut, hybrid!reader in heat, LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, IT´S FILTH,,,,, and my fav one is hoshi´s LDJSLFJH read it whenever you feel like having a 2019 smut fest

until his tummy caves in - ( @hoshifighting ) reaction, smut, this was a whole mood

kiss attack - ( @blue-jisungs ) fluff, the wonwoo one was my fav

hip hop unit

seungcheol

caught in a trap - ( @cheolism ) smut, seunkwan´s sister!reader, older brother´s bff!cheol, face riding, he makes you beg for it, “you’ve got me in your little trap, baby. what are you gonna do with me?” SLDKJSHDFKSJ whY is he like tHAT??

as your boyfriend - ( @chanswifey ) he gets offended if you don´t let him pay???? now THAT´S my kind of man

whatever you say - ( @thepixelelf ) fluff, crack, text au, #simp, this is funny lmao

wonwoo

he angry fucks you bc he lost in a video game - ( @sluttyminghao ) blurb, smut, explicittt, the title??? I can see the vision. listen the way this just escalated INMEDIATLY I-, he is ANGRY FR FR in the hottest way, just read it ok pls

the peephole - ( @rubyreduji ) smut, perv!wonu, roomies au, he´s obsessed, "Speak up, slut. Or have I fucked you completely stupid already" HELLOOO?????

couple things - ( @wqnwoos ) slice of life, fluff, “is there… a reason you’re upside down, my love?” 

lingering looks - ( @smileycarat ) fluff, idol romance u, POWER COUPLEEEEEEE, I love it, this could be us but he playin

marriage - ( @yikesmary ) married life au, dad!wonu, his daughter (a child) wants to marry uncle gyu so he goes on cardiac arrest bc there´s no mf way bUT at least it wasnt soonyoung LMAOO the hoshi slander never stops

workplace crush - ( @icyminghao ) work au, co-worker!wonu, I CAN TOTALLY SEE HIM AS "THE IT DEPARTAMENT CRUSH"!!!!! I would have had to quit, it´s too much

lucky! - ( @97-liners ) fluff, reader is out of it bc of anesthesia and she cant believeee mingyu´s hot rommie is her mans, IT´S SO CUTEEE

bruised - ( @hannieehaee ) angst, fluffy ending, break up au, tough guy wonu but he´s actually a cutie pie, he´s careless about his safety, I LOVE ITTT, the angst is gewd

what you need - ( @cheolhub ) smut, shy!reader, soft dom!wonwoo, praise kink, JEON MF WONWOO I- LSFHSKDJFHLSJDFLH this made me blush yall, the ending too sdfksdfkh

mingyu

birthday boy - ( @odxrilove )fluff, f2l, the fLIRTING!!??, i honestly blushed, my eyes got watery and everythin, i HATE IT (not) bc why is he so dreamy every TIME??, also,,, the make out sesh?? MY GODDD, i swear I felt it. he. is. inloveeeeee

he´s big - ( @madeforgyu ) smut, size kink,"daddy's too big for you? s'okay, princess, you can do it. you can take it. you're my good girl." CALL THE MF POLICE RN!!!!1!!!!! iminlove

beach boobs babes - ( @rubyreduji ) smut, beach au, chubby reader, big boobs, he´s suffering sfjfjdhdjdh, HE´S COCKY,, literally, shit talker, titty fuckin, he likes thicc girlsssss

pup code - ( @beefboyandbabygirl ) fluff, smut, crack, size kink kinda, mingyu has a fat crushhhh, lowkey himbo vibes, he gets so nervous lmao, jeonghan is a lil shit, somebody help mingyu omg, wonwoo is a victim!!!!!, “I’ve never done the Zoolander face in my life!” jefjrejufriuj

sleepy talk - ( @wheeboo ) fluff, married au, “Do you think I’m pretty?” “Sweetheart, we’re married.”

hybe romance - ( @hannieehaee ) idol!gyu, idol!reader, fluff, love itttttttttttt, THOSE PICS OF MINGYU ON PART 2 LORDDDD, if I was an idol hanging out with the 97 squad i´d be a hOE, no questions asked, bunch of men i want to fucc sitting together would be the end of me

pussy drunk - ( @hannieehaee ) smut, pussy whipped, "i'm legit gonna kill myself if we dont fuck again", HE NEED SOME MILK

creep - ( @smileysuh ) smut, halloween au, serial killer!gyu, ghost!gyu, jeonghan is always starting some shit I swear, this is DIFFERENTTT and the smut is so good yall PLEASE read it

first morning together - ( @ssentimentals ) FLUFF, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :((((((( ihateithereitsocute

thirsty - ( @cheolism ) smut, those pics of mingYU NAUUUUURRRRRR WOOF WOOF SDKHWEYWRAWRRAWRAWR lemme stop bc why tf would joshua do that for????? pls I love big men, the smut and the stamina are both crazy

mingyu´s cause of death - ( @welcometomyoasis ) FLUFF, bf!gyu, this made me really want to cry myself to sleep from the beggining bc there´S NO WAAAAAAAAYYYYY :´´) so cute #simp #whipped

cuffing season - ( @number1mingyustan ) smut, richbf!mingyu, he got a black card, good money, good job, loves spoiling you AND he´s wearing the wife beater - grey sweats combo??????? CUFF HIM UP NAAAOWWW, AND AND AND he also makes sure to fuck you without ruining your hair and nails that HE PAID FOR!!!!!! BUT since he gets a lil carried away and you chipped a nail he gives 300 dollar$$$ to get it fiixed right away LIKE????? god please when is it my turn to be happy

wet sound - ( @nsfwhao )smut, short one, THE DIRTY TALK!!!!!! I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMM bc wdym he makes her shut tf up so she can listen to her own wet coochie sOUNDS????? call 911 rn

vernon

vernon loves your face -( @nonranghaes ) fluff, short drabble, he´s so in love omg, sdsdkfj it´s so cute

coffee talk - ( @wqnwoos ) fluff, coworker!vernon, work romance au, jwhhxsjxsjd cutee

bias - ( @wooahaes ) fluff, slice of life, idol!au, you make the cats choose their svt bias, IT SO WHOLESOME :((((((((

vocal unit

woozi

joshua

mr. nice guy - ( @toruro ) smut, next door neighbors au, I HATE HIM skfffkjs this got me blushing and shit, he cosplays as a gentleman but he´s actually just a flirty nasty mf

confession - ( @nonranghaes ) fluff, slice of life, this is so cute sldfjshldjfkh

seokmin

You Know What They Say About Men With Big Feet - ( @hansols-yoda-boxers ) smut, big feet, big nose, big muscles and a big dicc YUPPPPPP, seokmin has it ALL

jeonghan

2am conversations - ( @wqnwoos ) slice of life, “what if crabs think that fish can fly?” “angel, it’s two in the morning,” sdkhfksb it´s cute :(((( so domesticc

the long way - ( @trblsvt ) model!jeonghan, staff!reader, UGGHHDSLHFLSKH i love this, he´s so confident and lowkey straight forward

tinted windows - ( @duhnova ) smut, ceo!hannie, panty ripper,, literally, car sex, “sir you have a meeting in twenty minutes.” “fuck that stupid meeting, i have more important things to be doing right now.” IT´S GOOD YALL

poker match - ( @hoshifighting ) smut, sub!hannie, dom!reader, famous poker player!jeonghan, famous poker player!reader. he finally meets his match in every way. I LOVEEEDDD this, it´s such a fresh concept

night time questions - ( @wqnwoos ) fluff, LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEE THIS IS SO CUTEEE :(((( had me giggling and crying at the same time

seungkwan

dance unit

hoshi

drunk and in love - ( @97-liners ) fluff, wasted!hoshi, him in his tiger patterned-shirt, asdkjasdh he´d deff be like this, he rants about how wonderfull you are to whoever got ears, so cute

junhui

minghao

lollipops and candy bars - ( @hansols-yoda-boxers ) smut, sub!hao, reader loves to tease, cute and innocent looking reader, hao needs help lmao, "Well, I finished off my lollipop a while ago, do you have anything else I could suck on?” SKLHDLFJHKLDJ wow

chan

[dyinggoosenoises]

03-44

3: Do you smoke?

nope

4: Do you drink?

legally, i cant, and i probably wouldnt even if i could

5: Do you take drugs?

nope (im assuming painkillers and stuff dont count)

6: Age you get mistaken for

i have had multiple people think that i was 17. i am not 17. also when i was 12, at least 6 different people asked me if i was 15

7: Have tattoos?

legally, i cant, so no

8: Want any tattoos?

maybe something small when im older

9: Got any piercings?

both my ears are pierced

10: Want any piercings?

i might get another ear piercing when im older

11: Best friend?

a girl from pathfinders :]

12: Relationship status

taken by the most amazing person in the entire world

13: Biggest turn ons

them being taller than me

14: Biggest turn offs

just generally being rude

15: Favorite movie

the princess bride!!

16: I’ll love you if

uh. idk. you make me tea

17: Someone you miss

my best friend. i wont see her till next wednesday :(

18: Most traumatic experience

witnessing a car crash

19: A fact about your personality

i can seem really grumpy before you get to know me

20: What I hate most about myself

there are quite a few things but especially how snappy i get when im overwhelmed bc i really dont want to make someone upset

21: What I love most about myself

my eyes :)

22: What I want to be when I get older

i dont know yet, but id like to study psychology

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

my brother is an irritating little shit and i hate him with all my heart but also i would die for him. my sister is amazing and wonderful and i would also die for her

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

they are by far the biggest assholes in my life but i love them

25: My idea of a perfect date

something cozy and quite, like pizza and a movie, or baking

26: My biggest pet peeves

when they chew with their mouth open

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

taller than me, dark brown hair, blue eyes, absolutely adorable, super sweet, the cutest accent ever, so so lovely

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

5ft3 and yet somehow shorter than me, brown hair with the worst fucking haircut ever, brown eyes, a fucking bitch, the most irritating voice ever

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

i dont lie very often to my friends, mostly just stuff like 'im fine' or 'it doesnt matter'

30: What I hate the most about work/school

oral presentations

31: What your last text message says

uhhh i dont remember and my phones in the other room, but i think it was something along the lines of 'i miss youuuu' to my friend from pathfinders

32: What words upset me the most

'youre annoying' or anything about something im insecure about

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

'i like when you ramble' 'you arent bothering me' or 'i like [something im insecure about]

34: What I find attractive in women

everything

35: What I find attractive in men

nothing

36: Where I would like to live

somewhere nearby where i live rn

37: One of my insecurities

my skin and also just how my body looks in general

38: My childhood career choice

i wanted to be a dolphin trainer

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

strawberry

40: Who wish I could be

i dont really want to be anyone else

41: Where I want to be right now

in germany with Blue

42: The last thing I ate

chili

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

Blue

44: A random fact about anything

orcas used to be called 'whale killers' and over time it changed to 'killer whales'

[kindlyfunkn]

in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

[psychotrope777]

Erm

i was just thinking and again im not saying that that was my experience i dont necessarily think it is + i think the way i worded this was inadvertently a little antagonistic like im not trying to imply older siblings are bad people for "leaving behind" their younger siblings when they move out of their shitty parents' households, 9 times out of 10 theres really not anything they can do and its not the kids' fault

i was thinking more in the sense of like. idk. if u know my lore u know im a youngest child. i was talking to my brother recently about some of his experiences and i finally kinda. realized i guess that our household was pretty objectively physically and psychologically abusive. that is never a distinction i would have made on my own. and i said like even though i really didnt get the worst of it to the extent that im still not sure if i would say i was abused i do know that you still cant be in that environment and have parents like that and not be affected at all. like its not like my siblings had these horrible childhoods and i had a normal one, i just had a less horrible one

so like for context there was a pretty big age gap between me and the others, like enough that by the time i was like 9 or so my brother (second youngest) was in high school and my other 2 siblings were adults and had their own places to live. by the time i was 12 i lived alone with my parents. historically my mom has always been the fucking crazy volatile one and my dad has always been the passive enabler. i remember my older siblings always telling me how easy i had it and how much worse shit used to be, which kinda just made me feel guilty or like they were upset i wasnt getting hurt more? like would you have felt vindicated if mom beat the shit out of me or something?

but they never really talked about it with me at all until that conversation i had w my brother last week. i obviously never saw anything that happened because i was way too young to remember a time when we all lived together. the most i really understood was that thwre were like more serious beatings but some of the shit that he told me genuinely shocked me. im gonna try not to repeat too much of what he told me but some of it genuinely reminded me of the shit that shanda vander ark did to her son before she killed him like it was fucking actually psychopathic. it did again make me feel almost complicit that i had no fucking idea which realistically doesnt make any sense but i also kinda feel lied to in a way. like what else does everyone know except me that they were never going to tell me? and of course like this was the second youngest this shit was still happening in the "final years" i guess so who fucking knows what happened to the oldest two. my sister doesnt really talk about her childhood

as far as like what happened to me i never really saw / experienced a lot of the physical stuff. i got smacked / punched / etc a few times but nothing like what happened to the older kids. i do think that its largely because my parents were aging more than anything like by the time i was the age that the other kids were when that shit was happening they didnt have the energy / motivation to whip me with tree bark or whatever. i dont think it's because my parents liked me more. i never really felt like my parents particularly liked me just in general. i also dont think its because they feel any kind of remorse because my mom is still to this day trying to justify and deflect blame for everything she did to my brother. a lot of what happened to me was more psychological and again im still not even completely sure if i could confidently call it abuse. i dont think im qualified to make that call as to where the line is drawn between doing something that upsets your kids and abusing your kids (which is another reason i dont want children ever). idk thats a convo for therapy LOL!!!!!

youre going to think im stupid as fuck for this but some of the memes i used to see about youngest siblings being little shits or spoiled or whatever or the concept of "youngest child syndrome" used to kinda upset me and i still cant really articulate why. like im not here to defend the honor of #YoungestChildNation or whatever but IDK i guess in a weird way it kinda reinforced the idea that maybe this is my fault somehow and i just suck or maybe this is how my siblings think of me or something again i really dont know why. i think a lot of it too is people blaming their younger siblings for their parents being shitty and i mean i dont know how other peoples families work i cant comment on that its not my business and there are a lot of different fucked up family dynamics out there but ig it feels kind of reductive and not really like acknowledging the real problem, maybe your parents just suck

i think for a while when i was a kid i kinda felt like my siblings didnt really like me or want anything to do with me (which i will say was definitely in my head, i do have pretty good relationships with most of them now. there is some tension between me and my eldest brother but that's complicated). there was also a stretch of time where they just werent in the picture bc they were all adults with their own lives and for a few years i kinda felt like i was an only child lol. idk. i guess it kinda feels like in a lot of senses i did have it easy but i also did it alone and i remember even as a young kid kinda feeling like i didnt have anyone to fall back on. i felt like no one was going to protect me besides me and thats probably part of why i have this fear / hatred of being dependent on people. it probably makes no fucking sense to say that while im living in my parents house and taking money from them to pay for medical procedures and therapy lol idk i could just be mentally fucked. I dont want to write thus post anymore

how many youngest siblings feel like they get "left behind"? im not saying i do but im just thinking

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 8-13 thoughts! again, under the cut bc I blew through 6 episodes in one go...

-LOVE THE WAY THE GHOST ZONE LOOKS. but theres fucking ghost cops??? ghost jail??? that SUCKS imagine dying and going to jail in your AFTERLIFE. danny going to JAIL WAS NOT something I expected. but seeing all the enemies together and work with danny to bust out. SO ICONIC I love that actually. and the thing about real world stuff acting as ghosts in the ghost zone is very cool.

-'there are some things more important that hunting ghosts!' mrs fenton says, about her husband forgetting their anaversary (FOR THE 18TH YEAR IN A ROW?? CHRIST) and not about, idk, their son clearly freaked out. she didnt even notice he was gone into the ghost zone!!! he might be a bad husband BUT shes not the best mom. they suck and I don't care about their relationship problems I care about these kids. danny doing his best to clean the house to keep his mom from getting mad at his dad?? hes such a good boy I want to cry, this is not his place, his dad should be cleaning his own shit up!!!

-maddie's butch lesbian sister is living my best life in her lil cabin. also being a snarky bitch to jack. queen. and her getting a 10th anniversary of her divorce. LOVE IT.

-mr. lancer being a cheerleader in his younger years makes perfect sense to me. king shit.

-dr. spectra's cat ears/mullet hairstyle?? sooo cute. I also just love the concept of a ghost just. sucking out people's positivity and feeding on emotions. a great villain. she put danny in a fucking diaper what the FUCK. and keeping it cold so no one would suspect shes a ghost??? INCREDIBLE. and her gay little blob sidekick. wlw mlm evil solidarity.

-JAZZ FOCUSED EP. YEAAAH!!! her first thought when she saw the ghosts was like 'omg i gotta tell danny :)' and her going to the teacher and also councilor trying to get help for him...shes just 16 but shes trying so hard to help him out :( watching this when youre younger I can imagine ppl are like omg annoying!! but watching this when im older im just like :( jazz baby im SO sorry </3 SHE BODIED THAT GHOST THOUGH. and the fact she didnt tell danny she knew surprised me. like, shes patient and waiting on him to tell her when hes ready!! thats so so sweet.

-christ the parents talking about 'PEELING IT LIKE AN ONION. AND EXAMINING REMAINS' of ghosts RIGHT INFRONT OF DANNY.

-'why am i so depressed and angry all the time!!' DANNY YOURE 14. i mean it IS a ghost this time, but...

-579$ top?? VALERIE NO ITS NOT EVEN CUTE IT DOESNT EVEN GO WITH THAT OUTFIT AAAA. tho this ep is called shades of gray..VALERIE FOCUSED EP FINALLY????! *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE* I already knew about red huntress from my redesigns, but I didn't exactly know what that entails or how/why, so, it's fun to see the Origins.

-ghost pubby! ghost pubby!!!!! why is the dog a ghost?? the implication that the company had guard dogs and got rid of them...what did they DO. is it just the unfinished business?? of not having that toy it was looking for?? god I hope so.

I feel SOOO bad for valerie tho, my god. her friends are shunning her for what, because her dad lost her job and she had to move??? horrible. (and the fact the dog wrecked the moving van too...) I also love how 'from wisconsin' on the package was an IMMEDIATE RED FLAG FOR ME. WISCONSIN=EVIL NOW. vlads so petty.

-it took valerie like 5 mins to get the hang of hunting ghosts and shes already a much bigger threat than his parents tbh. who've been trying and studying this for years. and a more valid reason <3 love her shes so cute and cool. new daughter alert.

-'i should do SOMETHING to help valerie' no shit danny???

-'who is that, awesome outfit!' -top gay sam moments. i was going to say. before it immediately cuts to sam kissing danny LMFAOOO. don't think I like that, it puts tucker in a weird third wheel position... the next ep involves them holding hands and blushing when danny's cold...URGH No. not a fan ngl. the trope of 'if theres a girl in a trio she has to end up with one of the two guys!!'

-right as I say that they take it to extremes!! and ember shoots him with a love ray gun that makes him OBSESSIVE OVER SAM. AND SHE TAKES HIS HANDS AND SAYS 'YOU DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME, I DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU' and her saying she doesnt want to be together like this. and tucker saying 'i always knew you two would get together!!' dont manifest it tucker please. the show pushing for it so hard makes me not want it KSHKJKJD I KNOW its probably canon. it sucks though. im a hater.

-vlad just LURKING AROUND THE SCHOOL GIVING VALERIE GIFTS ASJKDHKJ YOU WEIRD PETTY OLD MAN GO HOME!!!

-EMBERRRRR YOU WILL REMEMBERRRRRR . this is the one thing I kinda remember from when I was a kid EMBERRRRR ilu. top 10 cartoon bops. sams being a hater. popular things are popular for a reason. mr. lancer also being a hater. also everyone wearing her color scheme ..its a really good look, the purple, black, and minty color...

-penguins exist in the ghost zone. confirmed.

-EMBER JUST SHOWING UP AT A RANDOM HIGHSCHOOL TO PLAY?? UNANNOUNCED, MID DAY??? girl get a tour schedule. make some money or smth damn. I know shes probably doing it for the power boost but. lord. anyway if your show doesnt have a concert scene/ep, is it even valid.

-fellas is this gay. (she uses a GRAPPLING HOOK TO SHOOT OUT THE WINDOW AFTER SEEING AN EMBER VAN GO BY RIGHT AFTER THIS SHOT)

-hey, she had an undercut at some point!! my redesign!!! was accurate!! in..a way

-I feel like danny has a lot of pent up aggression ngl, him being heartbroken about sam and immediately going IM GONNA GO TAKE IT OUT ON EMBER. I mean she needs to be stopped I guess But. jazz has the right idea he needs therapy and a HEALTHY outlet.

-tucker singing > my singing

-girls cant be gamers -tucker and danny sexist moments. her being chaos in the game OWNED.

-TUCKERS HAT IS A BERET??? I THOUGHT IT WAS A BEANIE. SAM CALLED IT A BERET. WH.

-it was actually nice of lancer to let danny retake the test, and he go to play games again. smh. epic cringe gamer moments compilation. and driving him home!!! I actually like him as a character. anyway teachers like lancer are SO appreciated. I was failing middle school because of mental problems, and felt so dumb and got embarrassed by teachers who would just get onto me instead of bothering to ask what the real problem was, but when I was taking my ged classes I had a wonderful teacher who kept reassuring me that I was smart, and I got honors!! danny is SUCH a little shit to him (understandable, 14, but) but seeing them getting along better and danny putting in effort. SO CUTE. THATS MY SON, STUDYING HARD!!!! and being so PROUD OF HIMSELF!!! 91!!! BITCH!!! A- is STILL AN A!!!

-'why dont they ever realize thats me in a dress' mr lancer i am CRYING. i realized.

-technus being my ghost grandpa who cant game asking tucker for help. bless his heart. his out of date old ppl lingo circles back to being endearing <3 tucker not recognizing him despite the like, lack of any kind of serious disguise...I do love their lil in-game outfits....sam being the tank rules. I like technus' spider design also. more characters need to be giant freaky spiders, imo.

-finding your gf a new host because she cant maintain her ghost body outside the zone? amazing. using jazz as the host? ILL KILL YOU. jazz immediately accepting a ride home from a guy she just met and letting him know where she lives. letting him IN THE HOUSE??? nooo girl no lets use common sense </3

-sooo cringe the parents were like 'good job for spying on your sister' tho wtffff. doesnt matter if hes a bad guy, thats fucked. everytime these parents BREATHE im like. these are MY kids now <3

-BAD LUCK BEING A THEME OF THE 13TH EPISODE. thats super fun. johnny 13 being his name is so. iconic. your last name is a NUMBER? also goth tucker. I actually love the look. everyone looks good goth. 'the ladies love the eyeliner and onyx nail polish' sam you are sooo right every man needs to at least try those two things. im a lesbian and I agree. same, danny, your bff is gnc af

-LOVE kitty's design. and just, the concept of a ghost with a bike. couple goals, except yes stay away from jazz.

[courtney-deserved-better]

this is so niche but like. i just finished part 3 of disenchantment and need to spitball a total drama au even though the show isnt done yet. spoilers and rambling below the cut.

okay so like gwen is bean. like she just gives me bean vibes i honestly cant see her being any other character. 

i think noah is luci though alejandro is a strong contender noah just seems more luci yknow? 

elfo I think could go in two directions. we could go the typical route and have cody be elfo bc he simps for gwen and all that but i think changing elfo’s personality/role in this au could allow courtney to be elfo. 

like elves are more stereotypically snooty and classy in this au and have strict rules and courtney very much sticks to the rules but maybe lady elves or just elves in general aren’t allowed to be as aggressive and driven as she is so she leaves them to carve a path for herself. 

so shes not as much of a pushover asl elfo but she’s very much a stickler for the rules and has a bit of a holier than thou attitude and is a bit stuck up

maybe shes also a princess and never mentions it because she leaves her throne behind and doesnt want to be bound to princess duties that get in the way of her doing what she wants to do yknow? and thats something she can hide from gwen but as time goes on and the elves come to dreamland (which should be called wawanakwa) gwen learns more about courtney’s princess past and they bond over it. 

if we go the route with courtney then mora doesnt really exist in this au bc im gwourtney trash and that aint changing anytime soon. 

but it takes a while for gwen and courtney to like each other. courtney and noah also clash but noah and gwen get along pretty well. 

also noah looks like his usual self but can turn into pretty much what luci looks like when he wants to because magic demon powers and bc I love luci’s appearance so much (girl help i have gender envy for a fucking cartoon demon)

as for zog, derek, and oona, we’re gonna change them into sibling roles. lets say gwen’s dad, the king, had a lot of queens who all died after bearing him a child so gwen has a bunch of half siblings. and her dad is dead too. its the curse of zog or whatever it is in canon.

maybe cody could be derek (gwen does say he reminds her of an annoying little brother) and owen can be zog, and he rules with izzy as his queen, though it was an arranged marriage and izzy eventually divorces him to become a pirate queen like oona

and dagmar’s role can be gwen’s oldest sister, heather, who got turned to stone when gwen was younger and having only brothers and a crazy sister in law gwen idealizes heather as this great older sister despite barely remembering her. heather uses that to her advantage because she’s evil and once gwen finds that out they really dont get along (like dagmar and bean in canon)

owen is obsessed with the immortality pendant to bring his sister back to life after their drinks got switched not realizing that heather was trying to kill him so she could take the throne

i think chris should be odval bc he and bean have a hilarious dynamic that could totally be replicated with gwen and chris. and if chris has a gay wizard lover it HAS to be chef. chef is sorcerio

justin is merkimer. like really nobody else could be merkimer

trent is pendergast (my beloved) and turbish and mertz can be some hapless interns or maybe someone from a later cast, like spud and rock (that would actually be so funny spud can absolutely be turbish)

blaineley is the archdruidess of course

i dont know where alejandro fits in bc of course hes gonna be noah’s love interest but luci didn’t really have any love interests (except for kissy for a hot second but idc ab that) but i do think it would be funny if the usually unflappable demon noah suddenly has a crush on some handsome guy and is trying to hide it from his friends but hes terrible at it and gwen and courtney are teasing him 24/7 ab it. and noah is sad because alejandro would never want to date a demon if he knew what he really was but psych alejandro is a demon too. that’d be a great arc

i think beth would make a sweet bunty

and poor lindsay could be jerry! idk about becky and cloyd though… or the gunderson brothers… def need to know more about the last two before casting them

ok im crashing now but this is definitely gonna be something i revisit in the future. probably won’t post any fics until season 4 comes out so i know the full story before writing… 

harold as the jester though

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

UGHHHGHGH. I keep thinking of Hades angst and yo,,I remember a screenshot from Astraeus route and I think it had Hades holding his scythe (from his Reaper) to MCs neck or something?? OR MAYBE I LIKE,,IMAGINED THAT??? But like,,imagine if that happened...

AND BTW THIS IS SUPER LONG IM SO SORRY JFEWFB.

MC doesn’t want to be Hera. She begs for anything else to happen to her. She’s lost, scared, in despair, and she needs a way out. And Hades knows this. Not just because she doesn’t want to die, but because like I headcannon, when a god takes over, you basically have to be in this abyss and watch what happens, ya know?? And honestly that IS terrifying, it makes sense for her to not want to be there. ESPECIALLY FOR ETERNITY?!?!?!? THAT WOULD BE HELL ITSELF!! AND SHE TELLS HADES THAT!!

So...she goes to him and begs him for a way out. And like...he has tried hard. He has taken the route in his own route (where he’s fought for her with everything) and it’s still not enough. They’re gonna make sure she becomes Hera, no questions, and they’re both scared. And MC has an idea and so does Hades, and neither of them like it. She basically asks him to kill her...And like my mind was like “NO!!!” And that screenshot came to mind (unless its fake and I hallucinated it-) and I was so sad because...in this AU he would. She’d beg and say how she’d rather die at his hands than the other Gods hands. Wants the last thing she sees to be her fiancée. Even if its a sad look, he’s still there. And that’s what she wants. She doesn’t want to be separated, to see him from afar, to see him suffer knowing he won’t hear her last words. 

Which would be “I love you.”

But she will not die at the hands of all the Gods. Part of MC thinks its to spite the Gods and say how they cant control her, another part is fear. And there’s a little part of hope in there, right in her chest, small but bright, hoping that she’ll find her way to him. She’ll be able to hold him again, see his purple eyes look at her with all the love in the world, and see everyone again. Well,,,everyone immortal. And she’s reminded of everyone. Hades sneaks Alex, May, Josh, the boys, and Aphrodite to see her. She tells them what she plans to do. Obviously, none of them like it. They hate it and suggest everything else, but MC can’t change her mind. She will not risk the chance of her keeping Heras power OR being stuck in an abyss forever. Just the mention of the idea makes everyone cringe because she’s right...that IS a hell. So...they spend one last night with her. They keep it quiet, watch a movie, talk, tell her what they all want to tell her. 

Especially ALEX!! ALEXXX!!! They’re scared to tell her. They know they will be denied and afraid to ruin everything at this last moment, but they need to tell her. So, they do. They tell her everything on their heart and she listens with surprised eyes. She was oblivious to this. She thinks its because she hasn’t been relaxed with them in a long time, so she never noticed, but now that it’s in front of her face...she realizes tHAT YEAH ALEX DOES LOVE HER AND HAS SHOWN IT BIJFBKF. And she smiles and “C” comes out of her mouth before she cuts herself off.

They’re not Cyprin here.

They’re Alex.

That’s who they have been to her all the time, and she smiles and pulls them into a hug. “Thank you, Alex. I love you too, I hope you know that Alex. Maybe not the same way, but you are my best friend, Alex. I love you, too.” She said Alex so many times, as if she was learning their name for the first time again. It makes them happy to hear it come from her lips again, and everyone loves the sweet moment. And Cerberus and his brothers give her hugs and Cerberus gets his aura out to cheer her up and keep things happy for a bit. Josh shares funny stories of cooking, his mishaps, and everything! Aphrodite tells her own stories, BASICALLY EVERYONE SHARES SOME WHOLESOME STORIES. EVEN MC!! SHARING HER FEELINGS OF EVERYONE AND HOW SHE LOVES THEMMM ALL!!!

 And when everything is said and done, its about 6 am, and the Gods are coming for her. They’re coming to take her to the throne room, but no.

They won’t get her.

They can’t.

Everyone leaves them alone, but they all give her a kiss on the cheek or forehead and a TIGHT hug because they will miss her. THEY WILL!! And May and Josh basically threaten that she better know that. She knows that and promises that she’ll be watching them from the afterlife and it makes them all cry harder, but they leave and its just Hades and MC. However, to be NSFW real quick, they ‘get together’ before it happens bc honestly,,,idk thats just where my mind went lol. AND THEN,, THE TIME HAS COME,, HE HAS TO KILL HER BECAUSE HE PROMISED HER!! He calls upon his Aura and MC notices the sad look on the Reaper and she gives them both one last smile. The Scythe is at her neck and Hades’ tears streak down his face as she closes her eyes and takes her final breath. He was holding her hand and the grip was tight, and it went limp (Idk what he’d do necessarily?? Just uses the scythe to take her soul). She was falling to the ground but he caught her instantly and held her to him as he cried on the floor. What would he tell the Gods? What would he do? What will he do without her? He has his friends and everyone to back up that she wanted this...but still. 

What will he do without her? Who will be the light to his shadows? 

Zeus and Poseidon come through his door (not even knocking), and they call out for Hades, but they speed up when they hear Hades sobs. They come to the main room (idk I assume the door is a littles away from the main room like the living room) and they see Hades clutching MCs body to him. There’s no blood, no struggle, nothing. Just him holding the love of HIS LIFE in his arms, knowing he just ended the life of someone he loves once again...

Zeus and Poseidon just stand there for a second. Hades refuses to look them in the eye, cant look at them, and just looks at his lover...the one he loves so much...But he can’t avoid it forever. He looks up at his brothers and Zeus is furious and Poseidon is sad. Zeus is so close to attacking him, but Poseidon grabs his arm with a TIGHT grip. Poseidon isn’t even looking at anyone, just at the ground. “Hades...what happened?” His voice isn’t angry, it’s just sad, and worried. Zeus still can’t say a word. Hades looks back up at them. 

“She...she wanted it to end.” His voice was shaky and tears still streamed down his face. “She told me...she wanted it to be me. For me to end it. Not you.” He growled the ‘you’ out. “She didn’t want to be trapped in an abyss for eternity. And it makes sense. None of us want to be trapped...”. He stops there, he can’t continue. He looks back down at her and hugs her body closer to him. 

“The Reaper has taken yet another soul...” he whispers out, and his brothers hear him. This time, even Zeus is sad. He’s never seen his older brother like this (yh I found out Hades is the OLDEST FIREJBFD). This emotional and this heart broken. Or maybe he has and he just never payed attention. That makes him realize his actions and everything he’s done. Its shameful and he stares at MC as well, feeling his heart drop. And its not just because of Hera...its because she was going to be his sister-in-law (I think that’s what they are??? IDK MEG-) and that is an innocent woman. He doesn’t know how to face this (not even my Zeus knows how to face his emotions-), so he just walks to Hades and goes to sit beside him. Hades flinches away from him and his hold tightens on her for a moment, and both brothers understand why he does that. But they just sit beside him, in silence. “She asked you?”

“Yes. I would not take her life for no reason...I would NEVER even dream of it”. Poseidon hears the bite in his voice and the way its darker from his power, the power he tries to hide and not flaunt around like everyone. He just nods and it goes silent. “But at least...it wasn’t painful...”. Hades whispers it out. He knew the ritual would be painful, he knows it is. Not from experience but the ritual takes the soul apart...it’s going to hurt. He wouldn’t wish that pain on her. He would give his life, but the Gods wouldn’t accept it. Hell, he’s lucky they let him have her for one more night. The tears have stopped because they can’t continue. They always rise to the surface, but won’t drop. “I lost her...she’s gone...it’s all our faults...”. Hades made sure they all knew it was their faults. Not them but the Gods in general. They’re desperation for a Goddess who didn’t want to come back, who BEGGED to not come back, led to the death of an innocent woman. Led to a woman wanting to die. And I imagined Hades finally telling Zeus the whole truth like...it’s an emotional moment, and he feels like he should tell him.

“Zeus,” he says, his voice back to normal since he’s reigned his power back in, “Hera wanted to die. She asked me to take her, so I did. But she made me promise her to not let her come back. Never. Or maybe until she was ready, I’m not sure exactly. And when I found [MCs mothers name]...”. His breath catches at the mention of MCs mother who was also taken to early, a woman he loves as well, who was killed by the Gods. Direct or not didn’t matter. “She was Hera’s reincarnation and I...I was a little afraid. I made H.E.R.A with her and Aphrodite and I planned to tell her of her power that she held. But...I realized that I cared for her. Not in a romantic way, but she was a sister to me, I cared for her dearly, yet she was taken away from us because of US!” His voice was louder, and his eyes were shut still facing MCs body. Poseidon and Zeus flinch at his voice, not used to Hades being this angry even if they understand why he’s angry. “And I had to hold her in my arms when she died...and it moved to MC...and I fell for her, and I’ve done everything I can. But none of you wanted to think of her. Think of a woman who has done SO MUCH for us, a woman who has already suffered because. OF. US!” 

When he mentioned that she had done so much for them, they were reminded of his s1 when basically everyone disappeared and was taken, yet MC was such a big factor into helping them...and they forgot that. They shouldn’t have, but they did. And it hurt them all. 

AND AWAY FROM HADES TELLING ZEUS AND POSEIDON HIS STORY, they have a funeral on Earth. Even Hades will not bury her on Olympus. A part of him wants to since her mother is buried there, but he remembers Josh, May, and Alex. None of them will come to Olympus anymore, he knows it, and he won’t torture them by forcing them to come to Olympus to see her. And its all emotional. And,,,Hades tells everyone (as in her close family,,including May bc she IS family AND THE BOYS!!) that he’s sorry, but they know he did his best. Aphrodite witnessed it, and so did everyone else. And for the few years...it’s all silent. Hades attends meetings and does his work because he knows MC wants him to. MC wants him to keep living, being kind, helping people, and being Hades. But she asked him to promise her something...promise to never love another. And it was promised with NO hesitation. He loves her and no one else and he’s lucky to have had the chance to love her

ESPECIALLY AFTER KNOWING ALEX LOVES HER!! THEY’VE KNOWN HER LONGER AND HONESTLY HADES IS A LITTLE SURPRISED SHE DIDNT END UP WITH ALEX IFBHKRJEBWB. But like I said, everything is silent, emotionless. Everyone smiles from time to time, but it’s mainly quiet. Well, some of the Gods don’t care, and he honestly gets PISSED when he sees that, but he just goes back to his estate or his condo. Probably his condo since he has more memories of her there. She was never one for Olympus. It was beautiful to her, but it made her anxious, so the condo (and her apartment) was her safe place. And he goes to the fridge the day of her funeral and guess what he sees??? GUESS WHAT HE SEES??? He sees MCs baked goods. He takes them out and eats them and tastes how sweet and full of love they are. He KNOWS it will be a long time before he can taste this type of sweetness again, but he’ll happily wait 1,000 years if that’s what it took for her to come back to him. And he’ll keep his promise. 

He will find his light again. He will. And maybe his light will find him. Light needs darkness after all....

UGH MEGGG!!! IM SAD!!! BUT I LOVE IT!!! LITERALLY STILL SOBBING AT THIS IDEA 😭. I JUST!!! LOVE HADES SO MUCH!!! AND HIM BEING EMOTIONAL AND STILL BE SO HARD AT UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS IS SO AMAZING!!!! I love him and hNNNG IM SO SAD. I hope you like this and sorry its so long...

Love you 💙 💙. I’m so sad,,,but I love it and I hope you’re sad as well 😭 😭.

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 1-5

So i am gonna watch fullmetal alchemist 03 and react to it for my own fun. i did see 03 first wayyyy before brotherhood, but it was only like 3 episodes with my older sister back in like 2007, so it’s been a really long time and thats like 48 unwatched episodes. i’ve just been kinda curious because i hear people hate it and i hear people love it. so yeah lets gooooo

episode 1: those who challenge the sun

ok here we go

what the FUCK HAT is mustang wearing why is he outside in the rain st the elrics’ house during the transmutation

ed is anakin skywalker confirmed

is it just me or do maxey whitehead and aaron dismuke sound almost the exact same...

i have just been informed by google that whitehead used the same bowl dismuke did to record the lines veerrry interesting

a wine fountain i see i see

oh hey lust you here baby girl what is upppp

the pink hair works for rose the original born again christian e girl

for the most part so far this liore episode is pretty close to the brotherhood liore episode 

“push your total cynicism on someone else” you tell him alphonse!!!!

the people from liore in brotherhood are a lot paler than the 03 counterparts i just noticed

the giant bird um ok

this kid’s goT AUTOMAIL WHAT??? /j

he still does the dramatic coat rip glad to see it very glad to see it

episode 2: body of the sanctioned

I FORGOT ABOUT THE OP IT SLAPS I LOVED IT WHEN I WAS TWELVE.

 “WRONG HOLY MAN” im gonna start saying this to evangelicals

AL’S DEEP VOICE ALL OF A SUDDEN “PLZ GIVE US THE STONE” 

wait a damn minute rose’s bf????? um SIR MR HOLY MAN SIR

IS IT THE BIRD? HE MADE THE BIRD INTO THE “BOYFRIEND”????? 

gluttony’s tummy noises same baby same

walking statues?? ok professor mcgonagall 

that wasnt in the book

the watch being the reason ed can do alchemy without a transmutation circle??? hahaha yeah ok think again bitch

the bell lmaooooooo

again thats not what happened in the book

lustttttttyyyy BABBBEEEEEEEE

ROSE TEHRE IS A BIRD BACK THERE

ITS GOTTA BE THE BIRD

IT. WAS. THE. BIRD.

rose baby its ok

oh multiple birds into one big birdy

im gonna make a meme out of that

this is kinda scary 

rose askin about trisha maam mind ur business

i like the original broadcast better with ed in cornello’s office not in a dungeon

cornello’s running breathing sounds like me

ok quite a bit of this episode went off the source material but why??? like just to add stuff for the sake of adding stuff/drawing out the story to give the manga more time? i’d be interested to know

shut up rose plz i get it but stop

ope hey envy wassup

episode 3: mother

BABY DEN MY HEART

what are they makin

oh creepy....damn winry i wouldve been freaked too

damn this is a never skip opening im boPPING

DAMN YURIY AND SARA!!!!!! 

“when your dad gets back thank him” trisha maam are you just super optimistic or what??? maybe its just that i KNOW

WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT DADDY LMAOOOOOO

oh fuck yuriy and sara were just here a second ago

EDWARD YOU ARE NOT GONNA MAKE YURIY AND SARA INTO HOMUNCULI GET A FILTER

9 and 10 years old?? didnt trisha die way earlier than that...hold up

yeah i googled it they were like 4 and 5

HOHENHEIM SENT LETTERS???????????????

bitch nah

“aunt pinako” AUNT??? AUNT NO NO NO SHE IS GRANNY PINAKO

RAINCOAT MUSTANG WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGG WHY ARE YOU HEREEEEEE WHAT ARE YOU WEARINGGGGG

ok but if raincoat mustang was RIGHT OUTSIDE how did ed and al make it to the rockbells’ house without him stopping them?? 

oh there he is how’d he get in the house

ohhhh so he was tracking hohenheim....still WHAT

roy doesnt live in central sir what u talkin about

“AL YOU’RE ON” WINRY HE ISNT A LAMP

wait was he sleeping? he cant do that

al offering to become the state alchemist? hmm

“you’re no good without me. you just turn into a jerk.” ALPHONSE ELRIC I-he’s right though

ope dont forget 3 oct 11

happy bday elric family house fire

episode 4: a forger’s love

finally an episode with original content/an episode i didn’t watch in 2007!

ok but travis willingham sounds SO YOUNG??

hohenheim’s so called letters are fucking me up i will say

this episode is giving me atla vibes but why

ED WHY R U EATING LIKE A HYENA

majhal ur SUS for some reason

ed my boy why are you drawing circles?

when is this taking place exactly? is this a flashback?

DON’T CALL AL A TRASH CAN 

in a graveyard....not a good look

ghoST LADY

what is majhal’s alchemy bracelet???

Lust were YOU the ghost lady?? damn

OH FUCK MAJHAL

OK I GOT IT its the puppetmaster episode of atla vibes im getting from this im YELLIN my brain is unparalleled 

OBVIOUSLY WITH THE MANNEQUINS HOLY HELL

BELOVED??????? FALLEN LOVE????

CREEP I KNEWWWWWWW YOU WERE SUS

THAT LADY???? WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND???? THIS WHOLE TIME?????

broooooooooo

ED DID YOU JUST STAB THIS GUY??? EDWARD

damn this is messed up his dying breath he still thought his girl was dead too poor karin...

seriously is this a flashback 

im confused when does this take place

episode 5: the man with the mechanical arm

ed on the phone im dead

ed just called him roy im shitting

WAIT TRAIN HEIST ARC??? TRAIN HEIST ARC YESSSSSS

ok so this episode and last episode is all PRE ed getting his state alchemist’s certification???

why...

does ed not get it until he’s like 15 in 03? 

FALMAN??????

HUGHES??????????

MIRACLE OF HORMONES????? 

falman is so snappy WHAT

i like how ed always takes the short comments way further than the original comment lmaoooo

stupid roy ilysm

anyways this train heist arc is a lil different idk

FALMAN IS KILLIN ME who even is he

hahahh aa the guy shot himself lmao

oh no not again what the hell

ED U STUPID

ok but why is hughes dressed like an absolute fucking pirate

i refuse to believe hughes is a good “train walker” 

hughes is not a smooth man

that being said he is a boss bitch

“something crazy up there” oh yes that’s my feral son edward

TURBULENCE???? ED THIS IS A TRAIN

i feel like i need to reread the train heist

im gonna reread it

WAIT WHAT ROY WHAT DID U DO

i need riza to shine baby girl do somethin

ooh flame alchemy

did roy just kill that guy

“remember the pain” roy stfu

HOW OLD ARE ED AND AL RIGHT NOW 

roy mustang is one shady bastard

thoughts so far: im actually enjoying it lol and im gonna continue reacting cause it was fun!!! im excited to see where they take it because the studio was definitely already adding their own stuff this early in the game for sure. 

[itsthwippingtime]

so on Thanksgiving i saw Frozen 2 and it was AMAZING and I've only just now had the time and energy to finish my thoughts on the movie and share it with y'all so here it is. Disclaimer: Sorry for how long it is

!!!!! MAJOR FROZEN 2 SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!!!

first, baby anna and elsa???? I’m dead

thjkhsdhjk the story they came up with is literally how every child played with barbie dolls and doll houses

(children are so dramatic also why did we all have the same childhood)

oooh mystery about the past 

their dad is so dramatic now i know where Anna and Elsa get it from

four spirits: Earth Wind Air Water how original

(everything changed when the fire nation attacked)

(okay but while their dad was telling the story about the northedral (???) i was totaling believing this is where Elsa got her powers from)

THEIR DAD WAS SAVED BY THE VOICE

(but Elsa was born with powers so her mom is totally magical)

where the nORTH WIND MEEEEETS THE SEEEAAAAA

i love their mom omg i love this song also

(okay but at this point i was like??? did their mom save their dad)

ELSA IN PURPLE I LOVE HER

Elsa being startled and sticking herself to the railing with ice is comedic gold

ANNA’S HAIR I LOVE IT

why is Olaf’s never-ending existential crisis the most relatable thing in this movie 

also i love this song about things never changing

hi the line about a stone wall never falling??? FORESHADOWING

KRISTOFF LOVES HER I LOVE HIM HE IS SO PURE

HE HAS A RING

Elsa singing about being afraid of change but seizing the day?? CHARACTER GROWTH 

Arendelle flag will always fly??? FORESHADOWING

family game night??? i fucking love it

Olaf shouldn’t be allowed to play charades that way Anna is right

but Olaf imitating Elsa??? iconic

Elsa playing charades is me playing charades

THE VOICE

TELL ANNA ELSA

oooh Kristof honey don’t,, don’t do it like that,,, honey

if Elsa is comforted by their mom’s scarf where was their mom’s scarf in the first movie??

Anna singing Elsa to sleep????? so pure

THE VOICE (AGAIN!)

INTO THE UNKNOOOOOWWWWWWWN

i love this song

‘Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls’ so she loves Kristof???? good me too

where does Kristof sleep?

THE SPIRITS!!! HER ICE IS SHOWING HER THE SPIRITS RIGHT????

oh its the part with the ice suspended in air from the trailer

EARTH AIR FIRE AND WATER 

so um the fire went out and its windy and they’re going to the cliffs???? okay???

ummm Elsa did you awake the spirits on purpose??? did you know what you were doing?? you never said it was an accident????

Elsa you cant go alone you’re team has to go with you or else its not much of a movie now is it Elsa. don’t be selfish share some screen time

i just love their outfits so much i want to be a princess in Norway please and thanks

Olaf and his fun facts are literally me

ELSA’S ICE CASTLE THERE SHE IS i wonder if they ever go there. is it a vacation home

water has memory FORESHADOWING

‘Elsa and Olaf are asleep,,, whatcha wanna do?’ UM WHAT

’Sven, keep us steady’ UMMMMM WHAT

THIS IS A PG MOVIE I WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE NEXT TO MY TEN YEAR OLD COUSIN THANKS DISNEY

oh Kristof honey

oh no Anna he didnt mean it like that

Kristof stop just stop

ooooh the voice is back

‘Kristof stop’ ‘Good idea’ I’m dead

i don’t really remember what happens in between them stopping and them finding the mist if anything but THE MIST

oooh they’re locked in. nice

okay so wind. thats fun.

the wind spirit is v smart because she knows which one is Elsa 

her name is Gale and i love her

hello water has memory

their father being saved by a young girl??? it’s their mom

okay so the northuldra (i googled it) begin to attack? or advance at least

ARENDELLE GUARDS

okay but lieutenant whats his name can get it

they’re frenemies

Olaf’s recap of the first Frozen is comedic gold i want him and Luis from Ant-Man to get together

i don’t really remember what happens at this part but: Elsa and Anna learn that their mom saved their dad (CALLED IT), their mom is northuldra (KINDA CALLED IT) and everyones been trapped in the mist since their grandfather was killed

(which that story is fishy but i don’t think king Elsa & Anna’s dad would lie so????)

OH WAIT FIRE SPIRIT HAPPENED BEFORE ELSA AND ANNA LEARNED ABOUT THEIR MOM

AND OLAF’S SONG OMG

samantha?

(that part was so simple yet so funny omfg)

olaf: “this will all make sense when i am older” all the adults in the room: :/

also notice how Elsa is mindful enough to keep the fire spirit away from the northuldra’s homes??? like i love her???

I LOVE HIM i think his name is Brunie but i don’t know how the people at the Disney Store came to that conclusion 

oh also Kristof and Sven run in to save the reindeer but Anna is only worried about Elsa??? idk maybe she knows Kristof can take care of himself and knows that Kristof knows when it becomes too dangerous but Elsa is going to try to stop the threat until she physically can’t and at that point it may be too late okay i get it

(okay but if they’ve been trapped and nothing can get in or out what do they eat??? like theres a lot more northuldra than arendelle guards so do they have designated areas they’re allowed to go in?? what do they do with the people who died?? probably bury them)

(also some if them are born in there and they’ve been in for decades so a generation maybe the beginning of the next one but how many of them are related????)

Kristof has a new friend and I’m so glad they’re not fighting over Anna

(take that toxic masculinity)

HES GONNA HELP HIM PROPOSE I LOVE IT

Reindeers are better than people (cont’d.)

the following are my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

that guitar riff (?) at the very beginning? sexy

“you had to go and of course its always fine”

because Kristof loves Anna and knows that Anna loves him and they can do different things and still be in love and he doesn’t have to constantly be over her and controlling what she does

(take that toxic masculinity part TWO)

OKAY BUT Kristof saying its fine while simultaneously worrying that he’s losing Anna is absolutely breaking my heart

NORTH IS SOUTH RIGHT IS LEFT WHEN YOU’RE GONE

Kristof: “and i don’t know what path you are on” me: :((((

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A QUESTION OF WHETHER

WHO AM I???? IF IM NOT YOUR GUUUYYY?????

WHERE AM I???? IF WE’RE NOT TOGETHEEEERRRRRRR??????? FOREEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR

NOW I KNOW YOU’RE MY TRUE NORTH CAUSE I AM LOST IN THE WOODS

UP IS DOWN DAY IS NIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE

YOU’RE MY ONLY LANDMARK SO IM LOST IN THE WOODS

WONDERING IF YOU STILL CARE

BUT ILL WAIT FOR A SIGN

(FOR A SIGN) 

(peep the Queen reference)

THAT I’M YOUR PATH CAUSE YOU ARE MIN

UNTIL THEN IM LOST IN THE WOODS

this concludes my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

every time i type Lost In The Woods I wanna type Lost Into The Woods

okay SO

Olaf doing the siren call with Elsa is comedic gold

THEIR PARENTS SHIP OH MY GOD

peep Olaf with that gruesome “maybe there was nobody on board” when they asked how the ship was able to get through the mist

peep Olaf with the “why didn’t they just make the whole ship waterproof” 

THEY WERE GOING TO FIND WHERE THE NORTH WIND MEETS THE SEA THE RIVER FILLED WITH MEMORIES

THEY WERE GOING FOR ELSA

WATER HAS MEMORY BITCH

ELSA BBY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

LISTEN TO ANNA YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHOICES

so they go to the river

(low-key thought that was their goal the whole time but its fine)

ELSA!!! ANNA AND OLAF HAVE TO GO WITH YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING

if Disney doesn’t make the ice-canoe part of the Frozen Ride in Epcot in some way shape or form i will be deeply disappointed

uh oh rock giants

oh waterfall

cave

thats fun

ah Olaf always the optimist

(but where did Anna get flint?)

Anna’s hair??? i love it

oooh Elsa on the beach

she can’t get her shoes or coat wet i understand

PONYTAIL?????

GO BITCH

YAAASSS QUEEN USE THOSE ICE POWERS

oh shit that water horse is trying to drown her

what the fuck he’s actually trying to drown her

AH SHIT ITS ELSA’S WATER HORSE NOW

YAAASSSS BITCH

sdahjhdskjhdsjk

ITS A GLACIER BECAUSE WHY FUCKING NOT

every inch of me is trembling

SHOOWW YOURSELLLF

ELSA HAS A DUET WIHT HER MOMN

IM FINE

ELSASN IS TBHE FIFHT SPRIT

THE BRIDGE

ELSA’S NEW OUTFIT AND HER HAIR I WANT

WATER HAS MEMORY

Elsa destroyed Han’s memory I’m dead

OH SHIT KING RICHARD (Elsa & Anna’s grandfather, i don’t remember his name)

KING RICHARD IS AFRAID YAASSS QUEEN TELL HIM ELSA

WAIT ELSA

GO TO FAR AND YOULL BE DROWNED 

ELSA WAIT

oh shit she jumped

OH SHIT SHES COLD BUT THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED HER ANYWAY

OH SHIT KING RICHARD KILLING THAT GUY FOR NO REASON

OH SHIT ELSA’S FROZEN

BUT SHE SHOT OUT ONE LAST ICE THINGY

we now return to this episode of Olaf and Anna Alone In A Dimly Lit Area With A Little Bit Of Fire

YAASSS ANNA GOT THE MESSAGE

BREAK THE DAMN

but Arendelle

OLAF

why isn’t that when Olaf and Anna are alone one of them is always dying

now i understand the no context memes featuring spider-man from Infinity War

okay so you’re telling me that Anna learned that her sister is frozen (pun intended) and Olaf dies in her arm and she still finds the energy to save Arendelle/the forest???

GO ANNA YOU GO GIRL ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

DISNEY CAN’T KILL ELSA AND OLAF THEY’D LOOSE TOO MUCH MONEY 

oh shit the rock giants

KRISTOF TO THE RESCUE

AND SVEN OF COURSE

WHAT DO YOU NEED I LOVE HIM

THEY BROKE THE DAMN

OH NO ANNA DONT FALL

ANNA GET OUT OF THERE

LIEUTENANT WHATS HIS NAME AND KRISTOF SAVE ANNA TOGETHERDSKJAD

ELSA AND THE WATER HROSE THEY SAVE ARENDELLE SYDJHASDJKFHSDA

the Arendelle citizens literally are so hilarious to me all they know is: the spirits are mad and all the heirs to their thrones went on a dangerous journey to save their kingdom, with no guards to protect them, then a tidal wave comes rushing towards their homes and suddenly their Queen who has always been quiet, modest, and reserved comes riding in on a fucking water horse in a boss ass outfit with her hair down and saves the kingdom. like???? imagine being on that cliff??? and all they do is clap???? I’m so dead

poor Anna :((( but Kristof is doing his best to comfort him like i love him

ELSA GO TO HER ANNA GO 

THEY’RE CRYING CAUSE THEYRE SO HAPPY KJDASDHSJKHFJKSAD

ARENDELLE IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

OLAF IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

KRISTOF PROPOSED IN THE DORKIEST WAY BUT ANNA’S REACTION WAS THE CUTEST I LOVE IT

(WATER HAS MEMORY)

ELSA STAYS AND ANNA IS QUEEN

CUT TO ANNA’S CORONATION AND THE NEW STATUE AND THE ENCHANTED FOREST IS ICE NOW AND ELSA HAS A WATER/ICE HORSE AND GALE HELPS ANNA AND ELSA COMMUNICATE AND THE ROCK GIANTS ARE NICE AND BRUNIE IS STILL THE CUTEST AND ANNA AND ELSA STILL HAVE FAMILY GAME NIGHT

(okay but did anyone else find it odd that Elsa didn’t go to Anna’s coronation)

(also the Northudral are just totally fine with living in ice and snow and cold now too??? idk i guess Elsa asked first but whatever its not like they can say much she’s the fifth spirit so)

Olaf wearing clothes has me dead

Anna: tells Kristof she likes him “better in leather” me: when does he wear… leather :O (Anna’s freaky yo)

final thoughts: Amazing movie, the constant shade of Hans was absolute gold, Kristof is so pure, Anna and Elsa’s relationship is so amazing, everyone’s character growth is absolutely amazing

if you read all of this, bless you child I’m so sorry it was so long

[ihavenoconsistentname]

Ignore me while I spill out some of my triggers randomly I don't know I've never actually like,, said all of them?? I'm not doing it now for any particular reason I'm just rambling a lot right now so this is adding to that I suppose, plus I guess I like getting things off my chest in random text posts you dont have to read all this if you dont want and it could have triggering elements so I'll try to tag whatever triggers I feel like I might wanna tag just in case and if theres any I missed tell me

So yeah random triggers or things I just generally dislike because of past experience or some sort of effect they have on me (by the way I'm not 100% certain of why some of these bother me they just do I dont wanna say its trauma because I dont think anything here would be considered trauma-worthy?? In my case, that is);

Anything about needles going into skin or veins,, aaaaa,,, anything with talking abt that makes me feel uncomfy and last time someone made me think I would have a needle stuck in my vein for a blood test I had a panic attack (my boyfriend kinda told me I was a pussy for getting so worked up about it :( dont do that to people pleaaase,, different people are uncomfortable abt different things even if you dont see it)

Loud noises aggravate me if its multiple people being loud and obnoxious when they shouldn't be or just don't need to but it's only bad if I'm in a space that isn't too vast and that I can't just leave like a classroom where people are being loud. I wouldnt say that itself in general is a trigger but;

Sudden loud noises and repeated ones like banging on a desk or something can be a trigger for me, loud noises like that make me jump and mess with my anxiety plus I have paranoia so if it's truly out of nowhere I might feel anxious (one of my classmates bangs on desks a lot and its loud plus he sits near me in the two classes where he does it often and it really bothers me)

People showing me too much affection or showing it in a certain way when I either don't know them well enough or they just have a totally different personality than what I'm used to/comfortable with,, it makes me feel uncomfortable if a person like that would touch me at all or do something like send me a lot of heart emojis (example of something someone has done and I felt really uncomfortable because they did it a LOT)

People pretending to hit me or making it seem like they will, this one is more of a trigger because my grandma used to hit me for no reason (idk if you would consider that abuse?? I never describe it as that because I dunno it doesnt really seem like it) so sometimes if people make sudden movements near me I get scared that they were gonna hit me and if they actively try to hit me/act like they will it can give me a panic attack (like I said with the thing about my grandma plus my sister has threatened to hit me a lot so I've always been afraid of that)

People touching me when I either tell them not to or they don't get permission and they arent someone I trust or am close to,, one hug might be okay but after that I won't feel comfortable with it (another example of something someone has done!! I told someone not to touch my hair and they did anyway, I'm only okay with my very close friends doing that!!)

In addition to the touching thing, people touching me in certain areas like I dont want people touching my face, hands, chest area, or anything like that unless they've gotten my explicit permission, someone once put their hand on my chest and tried grabbing for my binder when I told them I was trans and do I even need to say how that crosses the line??

People I'm not friends with calling me certain things, not just things that could be insulting but also pet names or calling me a child,, someone irl referred to me and Alic as "children" and yeah we basically are I guess but I dont want people calling me that, only my friends can call me that?? But other than that you would need my permission to call me certain things if we arent close or friends, you are allowed to call me stuff like kiddo or a non-threatening "kid" if you want, it wont bother me, you just cant like call me random things and expect me to be cool with absolutely anything

Drunk people,, I guess that could be a bit of a trigger because of a couple things; a) my sister and her friend were drunk once and her friend repeatedly tried kissing me and I was so damn uncomfortable with it and felt violated, I still feel that even if it was like, I think last year?? I dont remember, but b) one time my sister was drunk (again) and she picked up a knife and starting coming near me with it and I started panicking telling her to stop but she kept following me with it and I was honestly afraid she would stab me, it wasnt a big knife but I was still afraid

This one is less general but when people upset teachers,, my first period teacher Ms Hamilton has her daughter Catherine sub for her when shes out and a few students make her mad a lot by not doing what they're told and she yells really loudly, which is a bit of a trigger for me circling back to the loud noises bit, I'm really afraid of when adults yell around me even if it's not yelling AT me, partially because loud noises scare me anyway and also I think it's because my dad would yell at my sister a lot because she would argue with him and that always made me come close to breaking down because I couldn't get out of the area where it was happening

Something that makes me uncomfortable is people who will try to text you often every day because I'm so bad at socializing and barely ever have good responses so when they text me too much I feel too obligated to text back and it stresses me out, only one person has done this (they also violated my touch boundaries and did the uncomfortable affection thing) and I ended up just ghosting them after a while because it was too much for me, I know that's weak but I work differently

Trigger for my paranoia is unsettling images that are just an overly creepy visual, some things I cant even describe why they creep me out, but it easily can trigger my paranoia and I hallucinate sometimes seeing creepy shadows and those things can add to it or give me anxiety so yeah I cant be sent creepy images like that,, not like gore stuff I can look at that it's just a certain kind of unsettling

Random thing I dont like sometimes is adults telling young people to act their age because typically they say it to people who are like 13 and 14 and at that age you cant expect them to be very mature yet?? Plus some of them actually do act more mature and then other adults will try to argue that they're just kids so they dont actually understand when they're speaking logically so what the hell do you want, for them to act their probably immature age or for them to act older?? Pick one and stick with it instead of adjusting it constantly for your own arguments or instead of saying act your age just say not to act like a kindergartner or not to act like a dunce or to behave better

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: [Weds night before her bday] Ali: woman you home Carly: not mine y? Ali: because ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY Ali: and I need to come bearing gifts Carly: now? k then Carly: ill get there before u Ali: you @ one of the lads then? Ali: no rush 'cept I do wanna be the first so like b4 midnight cinders 🎃👠 Carly: i werent born @ 12 tho & u kno that from doing my chart 🔮🌟 Carly: but ur so cute Ali: tru but Ali: i'm excited Ali: can't start the party without guest of honour 7 Carly: aw Carly: i wont take these 15 💊s yet 👼 Carly: we can party together Ali: 🎁? Carly: idk can u call it a 🎁 if u have to give back Ali: Boo 👎 Carly: not what he said when we were done Ali: 🙄 still Ali: not very festive of him Carly: idc its been fun Carly: coulda stayed in w ma & da but its not a retirement party in the works like Ali: for now Ali: but I got better plans than either Carly: yea? Ali: 'course Ali: who am I Ali: who are we Carly: 🐅💙🐇 Carly: i barely knew u on my last bday 😢💔 Ali: it's insane Ali: you're so important and integral to me how did we not get together before then Ali: I'm not the only one with plans tho 🌌💕 Carly: too many lads to swap first ha Carly: i kno my ma has been planning all wk but idk cuz shes learned to be subtle somehow Carly: must b her new man teaching her things Ali: Eskimo sisters for life, baby 😂 Ali: 👀 come thru shaz Ali: sounds promising Carly: 🤞🌌🔮 Ali: not her new man, obvs Carly: hes no cavante tho still only a few yrs older Ali: if I beat you I'll hit her up for the scoop Carly: 🍀 Ali: 😬 Ali: I guess we've got her answer for the age old experience vs stamina Carly: could b where i left her wine drunk in the hot tub still Carly: falls asleep there more than the marital bed Carly: mermaid energy ha Ali: not wine drunk Ali: worse energy than coke rage, I swear Ali: watch out cat lady, protect your children Carly: aw ill look after them Ali: 👼 Ali: I'll take any bday bumps for you 💪 Carly: never liked coke or wine soz ma if thats my 🎁 Carly: still my hero 💙 Ali: those people are the worst Ali: lemme buy something for me and give it to you Ali: no sharon THAT IS NOT 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 SPIRIT 👏 OKAY 👏 Carly: my gma does that every yr! xmas too Carly: so boring unwrapping that bible each time Carly: good rolling paper tho Ali: 😂 Ali: the lord is in you, it's what she wanted Ali: just in your lungs but you know Carly: ha Carly: what r u bringing me boo? Ali: don't you want the surprise babe Carly: idk last time u really surprised me it was w a divorce so u could get ur man Ali: 😥 Carly: 😂 jk u kno i love surprises Ali: just devastated you're calling me predictable for the last, how many months Ali: cut me deep, birthday girl Carly: i dont surprise easy Carly: y the lads like me Carly: dont b sad baby Ali: never Ali: not when there's partying to be done Carly: yay Ali: and a 👸 to celebrate Carly: ur sweet 🍬🍭 Carly: i dont look like a princess rn Carly: no running away Ali: you always do Ali: even when you running from ogres Carly: ur gonna make me look worse when im crying too Ali: meant to save them for the party Ali: but I'll never tell Carly: ha its been a few yrs since a bday tantrum Carly: really had to wait for that bike tho Ali: and #werk baby Ali: you were as adorable then, how your parents didn't spoil you is a mystery to me Carly: ask them if u do get here before me Carly: but before i was medicated i wasnt as 👼 could b the answer Ali: lecture 'em on how wrong they were, more like Carly: ur a bias little 🐱💙 Carly: & u didnt kno me then even if u do remember i grew into my 👂s Ali: 😂 Ali: well I never grew into my 👁s and my 'tudes no better either and you still love me so Ali: deal with it, Walsh 😜 Carly: aw u were the cutest 👶 Carly: & u get cuter every yr Ali: hey, don't spoil my heartfelt message in your card! Ali: 😏 Carly: im sorry Carly: ill have 1 for the road & forget Ali: I think one of the boys just catcalled me without offering to give me a ride in their white van/carriage Ali: see me struggling here lads, is that part of the appeal? probs Carly: which y? ill threaten to uninvite him from the party Carly: 1* Ali: not the kinda bitch to resort to racism 'cos I'm mildly upset or angered but they really be looking the same behind the wheel of a transit, like Ali: think it was one of Ronan's brothers? Ali: and in fairness, never slept with you so whaddya owe me, kind sir Carly: ha Carly: if he could see & be seen @ the wheel then i reckon i kno Carly: & i have slept w him so he will b 💔😢 if he cant celebrate w me Ali: my hero 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: been thru every1 old enough in that fam now ha Carly: gonna have to move like Ali: I wish I could tell you the surprise was a hot new fam Ali: alas Ali: wouldn't fit them on my back, like Carly: 😢💔 Ali: I've let you down Ali: how could I Ali: gonna eat my feelings 🎂 Carly: 🍯🐝 no Carly: never Ali: what's the dresscode for this shindig then Carly: idk not allowed to go w bday suits Carly: my da overruled me Ali: gotta whittle down my knock you dead options Ali: even with those stifling guidelines, tah Mr Walsh, I should manage it Carly: i believe in u baby Ali: 👼👼👼 Carly: im back btw Carly: used my wings mayb Ali: damn Ali: was really hopinh for some 1x1 with your ma Carly: she will scoot over in bed for u Carly: not just me who misses u Ali: awh Ali: can we convince her to give you your present early or nah Ali: I say yeah Carly: me too so 2 votes Carly: my da will b asleep too deep to cast his even if she says no weve outnumbered her Ali: 💪 Ali: I'll put the phone down and run Ali: gimme 5 Carly: k Carly: be careful tho Carly: some of the 💡 r out Ali: 👌 Ali: my middle name Carly: fun is ur middle name Carly: how many do u have? Ali: as many as you want Ali: 😉 Ali: but just the one, actually Carly: hot Carly: u can have 1 of mine then wed both have 2 each Ali: are you actually 👑 Carly: my ma wishes Carly: queen of the site tho Carly: ha Ali: I've not bought her a crown Ali: not soz Carly: its k shes got her prom tiara somewhere Ali: memories 🎶 Carly: am i gonna peak before 18 too? Ali: never Ali: only way is 📈 baby Carly: u make me feel really happy u kno Ali: ☀🌻🍓🍯🐝🐰 Ali: it's mutual boo Carly: im crying Carly: & smiling Carly: its the 💊s ma Ali: it's the 💘 Ali: she gets it Carly: aw Carly: yea shes really 💘 w the lad from the chemist Carly: knocking our 💙 off the top Ali: can't be having that Ali: got all weekend to prove we're 🥇 Carly: til ur bf shows up Ali: nuuh Ali: it's all about you Carly: ur so nice to me Ali: you'll see feel and believe it ✨ Carly: 🔮🌌 Carly: r u gonna stay? Ali: can I? Carly: yea Ali: then yeah Carly: aw ur my 🎁 Ali: I haven't copped out that hard, don't worry Ali: come help me Ali: not very gentlemanly of me but I wanna be with you before we've gotta hear about the prom queen's glory days Carly: k Carly: 💪💙

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)

My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down. Tagging: @akaskira​ @ce-la​ @caratheillustrious​ Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain​ who can be an idiot along with me.

For context:  Ate = Sister Kuya = Brother * My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.) * My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23) * My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)

Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.

Me: Dad got some bad oil burns. I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?” Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear They are kinda big He’s upset

Ate: What the why didn't you help him call mom???? did you??? yike oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning and the scars are worse

Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.

Ate: smh

Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.

Ate: LOL

Me: And never heard the freezer open

Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways

Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.

Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves speaking from experience

Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”

Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns

Me: Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis

Ate: fair but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud

Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!” Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.

Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke. When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over. Dad is always yelling He even asked mom how to make the rice And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.

Ate: I mean

Kuya: Tf is this situation How can you ignore someone in need of help Regardless of who it is Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering

Me: I didn’t see anything

Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity Like they killed your mom or something I have to hand something in by 10 But I find this quite upsetting

Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.

Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)

Ate: Same but he's still our dad?

Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.

Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny

Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.

Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.

________________

Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:

Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:

*sees me bump my instrument* Trumpet: Ouch Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales. Doug: What?

*sees me bump my bow* Doug: Ouch Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you Doug: Pat, protect me!

Me: *tells anything about school* Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN (Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)

More of an annoying incident from me: Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend? Sean: Yeah Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?! Sean: (sheepishly) yeah

To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids.  “Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?” Me: ...no?! I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.

But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people. 

He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.

He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:

Stories from the orchestra concert:

I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.

My messages from that night: Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots. It was genuine like she said it was cute. But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore. Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page Then she hit her bow on her bass. I really don’t want to play anymore. (She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)

Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes. I like wearing my orthotics. They make my feet feel not in pain. Ate: tell them that Me: I did They told me to take off my shoes “They can’t even see my feet” I’m all the way in the back behind people “Then take off your shoes” “But then I’ll be in pain” “But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground) “So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you” Ate:  but it's literally a medical thing Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it or that you can't have your service dog with you like????

[shrimpcolour]

answer them all coward

take two after closing the tab when i was almost done w every question im gonna fucking lose my shit

angel; do you have a nickname?

people call me nicknames but i hate any variation of taylor

awe; how old are you?

16

baby; favorite color?

lilac

bloop; spirit animal?

kitten

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

Fahrenheit 451 im1 shes so man matchbox 20 

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

my lamby who i still sleep w everynight bc i am baby

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

getting told i can keep my cats

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies all the way

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

not so sure i do

buttercup; showers or baths?

shower

butterfly; dream destination?

anywhere outside of the us

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

no but i wish i was

calm; favorite scent?

vanilla

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

some fuckshit on the beach

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes

cozy; eye/hair color?

blue/brown

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

time is fake

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

hibiscus 

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

money  like a lot

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

my kitten lucifer but saying i own him sounds weird

cutsie; what makes you happy?

jillie

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

i cant remember

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to be remembered as nice? kind? please . 

daylight; favorite album of all time?

kindly now by keaten henson

dear; zodiac sign?

scorpio

delightful; concerts or museums?

concerts but i love museums

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes but i didnt send it

dobby; dream job?

something that has to do w art

doll; how do you like to dress?

i like to dress in a cute button up and jeans but that doesnt happen

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

no but i wish so bad 

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

yes i want many tattoos and on my 18th im going w my dad to get one

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

fuck yeah

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

i love my sister so much she is my literal will to live she is so fukcing funny and happy and just UGHHH shoutout to kaylleee

fairy; do you have a pet?

yes i have two cats, boots and lucifer, and a dog named finn

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

ocean is where its at 

forever; where do you feel time stop?

the park near me at night

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

sadly not

garden; how many languages do you know?

one bc im weak

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

not tagging them but like . cmon . yk

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

that warm cozy library aesthetic ? i love that

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

i love them bc it gives me the opportunity to talk to ppl who are too scared to talk to me (please dont be scared of me)

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

my eyes my hair my sense of humor my friends my socks

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee w almond milk

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

people watching bc i like to give everyone a story in my head

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

melatonin LMAO

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

rainy and cold

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

sleep my life away

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

loud laugh baeby

kinky; do you blush easily?

i dont think so

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

that friends to lovers mutual pining takes a little bit to realize what they want is right in front of them i love that

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

1am-8am

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

keaten henson

love; what is your favorite season and why?

fall bc the weather and the holidays and my job ITS ALL TOO GOOD

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i have never had a macaron but i love oreo iceceram

magic; what are five flaws you have?

i overthink AND underthink at the same time like what a dumbass bitch, i doubt myself, i am not so bright, i am too loud around ppl im comfortable with and i am selfish sometimes

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

i like all of them it depends on my mood

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

i dont really look? 

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

minecraft and sweatpants 

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

on minecraft or on here or just like . sitting

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

dont judge a book by its cover is so fucking cliche but like .  you gotta learn it

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook baeby

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

lazy oops

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

i played the flute when i was like 10

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

scream

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

strawberry/sweet pepper

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

my sister being born

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

the loss of all my friends bc im fucking stupid. thats the one. 

shine; art or music?

both 

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

they do

smitten; do you collect anything?

i collect disney pins

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one? two?

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

kitkats

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

i do but i dont know what kind and idk where it is

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

i wear earrings  and a necklace sometimes

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with head phones but too loud so you can probably hear it without

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

hannah montana baeby

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.  

my bed. it has so many blankets and its quiet bc of the AC and it has my favorite things

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my best friend francesca like a lot 

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyalty 

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical? 

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

no i dont think ive ever completely opened up if im being honest

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

i do! i want two kids!

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

this is gonna sound so fucking dumb but i really look up to jenna mourey/jenna marbles

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

idk man im quite basic

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

im very loyal but i tend to hold a grudge so like . thats an issue

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

tina made me laugh shoutout to tina

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owl 

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

invisibility baeby

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no but i like doing it

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

messy oops

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

i like my town but i dont think i wanna lvie here

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes i have