#like i've been eating enough
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i have been having a constant, fluctuating (always present but sometimes heavy and sometimes not) brain fog since the start of september. just ate some candy and had a sugared soda last night and it went away???
#like i've been eating enough#and been having candy or some ice cream here and there#but this was like. monching on straight sugar#and sippin on straight sugar#and it fixed something in there?#idk#def not gonna do it every day but i'll keep it in mind
0 notes
Text
experimentation is forever and ever and emmet is guinea pig
#still working with colors. I need to eat a ball of light#MAGMA SAVE ME. SAVE ME PERSONAL MAGMA CANVAS#I find magma a lot less stressful to try stuff on tbh. it's probbaly because of how their brushes feel#I TECHNICALLY can somewhat emulate it in my main drawing program. but magma just has such a nice feel#anyways. shrug. I like emmet a loADUGHSADO TAGS CANCELLED I HGAVE THE HICCUPS. GOD HATES ME#GOD WANTS ME DEAD. THIS IS TRHE WORST. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT HTE FUCK MAN. STOP HICCUPING. STOPPPP#AOOAUAUUUAGUUAUHHUHUHAUUGUAHHUAUHHHGHHUHUGUUHAG#glances around. are you okay now. did you stop hiccuping.#OKAY I THINK WE"RE GOOD. thank god#spenxer lou art#submas#pokemon submas#submas emmet#subway boss emmet#subway master emmet#subway bosses#btw the main stuff I've been working now is color gradients and saturation in shading / the affect colored outlines have. shrug#basically I stared at bluebellowls art too long and got mad enough to give myself a stomach ache <- can't make this shit up#uhmm. rubs brain. ???? I don't know what else to say. I've been improving sooooooo much but my hunger is insatiable. me want more
112 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you consider your self made?
#my art#self portrait of sorts#been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things#for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer#(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good)#and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like#I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them#are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize#to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough.#things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either#im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now#just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later#anyways. love you#cw:#top nudity#artistic nudity#the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple#if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw#my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way#lindwormposting
344 notes
·
View notes
Text
me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
noone (and i mean noone) will convince me that this:
wasn't followed by some intense makeout
#tbh i've been convinced for a while that their relationship didn't evolve into anything more before hinata came back from brazil#like yeah they're already very obviously into each other#but during high school they're not mature enough for anything more than crushing very hard and volleyballing together#maybe at some point they do kiss and/or fool around at a party#maybe it even becomes habit in their third year#but they're NOT in a relationship. just pining really hard#but after this game???? the tension that's been built for years of competition and absence#the obvious connection they still have#the admiration the respect the attention they pay to each other#all of it is ridiculous#and so after the match they just... meet up outside the stadium go get something to eat and then go home TOGETHER#and it's easy and confortable bc they both know it's been a long time coming#but also it's INTENSE because of the YEARS of PINING and the intensity of the game is still there and yeah#anyway all that to say that when i saw this scene i was like. yes. this is what i was talking about. now go KISS#maybe i'll write a fic about it at some point. who knows. just obsessed with this idea lately#kagehina
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
• Arthur Morgan •
#I'm currently paying attention to Arthur eating enough food and now he became a little chunky like the third pic#especially around his chest area and...it might be because of the wonderful ovulating time of the month but god damn it I've been drooling#over this man more than ever before#I need more shirts with more cleavage#gimme more 'insight'!!#I need mods :( *cries in playstation*#rdr2#rdr#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#arthur#arthur morgan
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey there, how do you feel about clark/dick and other ships with dickie and the JLA
hi!!! i *love* Clark/Dick!!! i think there's so many fun ways to do that ship, it can be very fucked up and almost incest-y, playing up the "Uncle Clark" bit, but also i'm personally very personal to Clark/Dick that happens when Dick is Batman and Clark is coping with his grief over Bruce and trying to fill that hole with Dick. it's fun even if Superbat never happened and Clark's feelings for Bruce were entirely platonic and things just get tangled in the mess of trying to treat Dick like an adult while also still not seeing him as big enough to fill Bruce's shoes. it's a delightful age and power gap, where Clark's respect for Dick is always going to be founded in a mentor-type bond which makes them so messy.
and it's super fun to play with Clark giving Dick the name Nightwing and how much Clark had to trust Dick with something so Kryptonian. he helped raise Dick almost as much as Bruce did and was a guiding figure for Dick during Bruce and Dick's worst times. which is so fun, if the person Dick goes to when he's pissed at Bruce ends up being someone he's romantically/sexually entangled with. because there's always going to be the questionable age gap and how they met, no matter how old Dick is when they "officially" get together. i could really see Dick sleeping with Clark to get back at Bruce during Dick's Discowing era, and it ends up causing complicated feelings either of them are willing to confront. in general i like the complicated feelings of Clark/Dick the most in any version of this ship. there's at least a dozen obstacles keeping them apart, so their relationship would be difficult and rocky to make work. they don't always agree and their relationship isn't as wholesome as it seems on the surface. Clark reacted *wildly* negatively to Dick as Batman when it first happened. he likes Dick, but i think it's really fun to play with Clark being averse to viewing Dick as an autonomous adult and how that affects them ad a ship.
as for other JLA ships with Dick, i'm open to just about any but don't really have developed thoughts besides Dick/Oliver. i think Oliver'se deep dislike for Bruce combined with his concern for how Bruce raises his sidekicks could work so well with an accidental relationship. like, Oliver keeping in touch with Dick and trying to form a mentoring bond just to make sure Dick isn't too controlled by Bruce and is well taken care of, and having that accidentally spiral could be so fun. because Oliver would be *horrified* and it'd conflict with him morally, even if Dick was a consenting adult. that's his son's best friend, and now they're sleeping together? Oliver keeps trying to break it off but he can't seem to stop. Dick is like a bad habit. it's fucked up and that's half the fun of it, the taboo nature. i also think Oliver would emotionally provide very well for Dick, who's trying to figure out how to exist on his own without Bruce. it'd be very "best friend's dad core" with all the age gap comments from Oliver while he's kissing Dick and how his love for Dick will always be just *slightly* tainted by that fatherly love. i think it's fun and fucked up.
i do sort of like Hal/Dick. but like. 80s/90s Hal who kind of sucked and was full of unaddressed bigotry and did some fucked up things like dating that teenage girl. like if you want a ship *full* of repressed internalized homophobia and "well i'm not gay this doesn't count" complexes, i think this works remarkably well. Hal is morally questionable enough to fuck Dick regularly and Dick still crawls back to him, even as Hal is in complete denial about his own sexuality and makes vaguely homophobic comments about Dick, while fucking Dick. just a grown ass man projecting all of his issues onto the 20-something hero who just wants a good fuck. i'm a big fan of Dick fucking older men who are cruel to him, almost as a form of cathartic self-harm. and you can pull that off pretty well if you work with Hal at his most asshole-ish era. like imo this ship could get *really* fucked up. especially if you played with like. Parallax stuff. also you know. the joy of Lantern Rings during sex.
lastly, i don't think he quite counts as JLA sine he's more Justice League of China, but. Kenan Kong, Superman of China. i have a *really* stuck in my head brainworm shipping him with Dick. they don't have much interaction, *but* i've had this idea of Kenan hearing the jokes about "every Super has a Bat" when he joins the Superfam and he decides it's his right to claim a Bat. and since Dick doesn't really have a Super, Kenan just. decides Dick is his. and forms what Dick thinks is a genuine friendship with the end goal of sleeping with Dick, consensually or not. i think it could be fun, playing into how Kenan used to be a really big asshole. hopefully I'll write it eventually, though i'm not sure how interested in it people would be since it's such a rarepair idea. but what am i if not a dealer of rarepairs.
#necrotic answerings#dead dove do not eat#clark kent x dick grayson#clarkdick#dick grayson x oliver queen#olliedick#dick grayson x hal jordan#haldick#dick grayson x kenan kong#kenandick#ig that's the ship name now i've dubbed it so#i birthed it i get to name it i think.#i've been more and more into clark/dick recently tho#justbc of the dicked down discord server being full of *such* good clark/dick food#one day i'll be brave enough to be active over there and share my kenan idea#i'm currently not brave but#someday i will be#i feel like i need a tag for ppl aksing my opinions on ships#idk what that tag would be tho#and i'd have to go back and add that tag so#that'd' be annoying.
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
The best thing about Italy and Europe is that linen just- exists here. I can go buy a shitty cheap 100% linen dress like I would go to Fry's and buy a shitty cheap 100% polyester dress in America. Absolutely revolutionary for my wardrobe. I can't actually buy wardrobe enhancements because I have a carry-on suitcase, but the fact I still have the option is amazing.
#I can't wear polyester because something about my sweat clings to the fibers. I can only wear >60% natural fibers. I've slowly been#weaning all poly out of my wardrobe. The restriction helps a lot preventing impulse buys; but here my impulse buy is only restricted by $$#i am absolutely not crying over the $350 linen women's suit jacket I saw :( UGH it was GORGEOUS and GREEN. I want a linen suit so bad#but honestly it's the kind of thing I should just spend a thousand on and get bespoke I think. It'd look better and feel classier#if you're spending that much money on a thick linen knit in the first place.#Okay tag essay: but can we talk about linen knit fabrics? I've seen so many beautiful linen weaves this weekend I'm losing my mind.#I think there was a kind of Tricot or Bird's Eye knit linen simple-curve dress that blew me away. The amount of work you can do with#two colors and a fashionable knit is insane. Then you wear a jacket over it and the linen is still light enough to wick away sweat but#heavy enough to look fashionable and stay flat. There's really this talented balance of texture that shines in linen. I love linen so much#Anyway! I should've made another post for this but none of these ramblings are important lol#I'm really tired after Anacapri. and dinner. Dinner was kind of dumb. There was confusion about what I wanted. We just wanted#appetizers to share but they gave me a whole plate of octopus. Which I feel bad about eating and don't like the texture after 10 bites.#So I had to give it to dad. Long story short I didn't want to eat anything at all; I wanted to WRITE. But I didn't write. I ate.#I'm already like 10 pounds heavier than when I left lmfao. It's starting to pack on my hips. Damn you Italy!#ptxt
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Health vent in the tags 🙃
#So I had what - two weeks of feeling okay?#and now we're back with the chest pain and the stomach pain and the racing heart and the constant nausea?#glad I have a specialist appointment next week#that I have to drive to for an hour#but jesus christ if they don't help me idk what I'm supposed to do#i was working (or not working) through constant pain and discomfort for six months and I can't go back there#i feel like shit despite pacing well and sleeping enough and eating enough#Those two weeks weren't fully free of symptoms#but wow even just less pain and more food options were wonderful#I can't do this anymore#Anyway#back to work I guess#wish me luck that it at least doesn't get worse until next week#because I can't keep taking sick days#I've already been out for five weeks
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
well.
I'm 30.
#one minute ago#damn I really REALLY thought I'd have my life more together#I mean to be real I 10000% did not expect to live until 30 good grief#but in my day dreams of 'what I might have been like if I lived to be an adult' this was not it#not still living like an emancipated minor in a 1 1/2 that's not even official it's more of a charity by the people who own the garage#that it's built in#not remembering to eat every day and eating the same 'gotta eat something' random assortment of whatever is in the cabinets#that I've been eating since I was 4#still working 4 jobs and not having my phd yet#literally never gone on one date and still feel too young for a relationship because I don't ever EVER want to be that guy#who doesn't know how to do anything and expects their partner to take care of them#I can barely do laundry and I straight up refuse to do dishes#I buy paper plates and cups#I'm not going to impose that on anyone#I keep thinking when I grow up I can have a relationship but I'm not old enough yet#but buddy I'm a freaking grown up now#30 is no joke#it's official#I just suck.#it's not about age its about being a garbage person#like i would never ever EXPECT my partner to take care of me but in practical terms I would fail at keeping the house clean#and they would pick up the slack becuase they don't want to live in a trash hole and would get mad and/or bitter with me for making them#living alone my bad choices only effect me#when i've lived with roommates in the past this has always been a key point of breakdown#even when I've tried to be extra dilligent I would forget a glass somewhere becuase I planned to reuse it and my roomate would wash it#and be mad that I felt entitled and expected them to clean up after me when I absolutly did NOT in fact I was horrified#that they needed to clean something up after me- I just simply lost track of it. and that was 10000% unfun for everyone involved#I was ashamed 100% of the time and they felt used 100% of the time and no one had a good time
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
wait I'm actually really craving a peanut butter dorito sandwich now wtf. i literally don't even like Doritos and i have a very complicated relationship with peanut butter.
#i had to eat peanut butter so often in multiple phases of my life that I've gotten extremely sick of it btw#though it may have been long enough now that I'll like it again
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
99% sure i oversalted my food, yet i can't taste it
*squints* sus
#hacker tips from me btw#if u like me have chronic fatigue but have a tendency to feel the Most Spry and Energy in the morning#just cook food then#u can eat breakfast later in the day it's fine#I cook food now and then when i am barely good enough to sit up i simply eat toast if i don't feel like microwaving my leftovers#win win#but yeah everyone i know are sick so im now side eyeing my immune system real hard#i've been wearing mask at work#and also to and from work#and to the grocery store#and yet.............#well hopefully my immune system wins this battle#it's finnicky like that#sometimes it bodyslams covid and other times a cold bodyslams me
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hahaha I can't eat at all today and I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up, why is my body this
#i'm gonna be real with yall#we're nearly at the point of me writing my gp and telling him that look#i haven't managed more than about 2-3 cups of food a day#and none of it can be meat-based or wheat based or dairy based so what keeps happening is i'm literally fucking starving#i don't know how to get to a point where i can eat and my nutritional levels are all low enough already before this started that#my doc wanted me on vitamin supplements which i haven't been able to source yet#so now that we're like a month into me being completely alienated from food i'm starting to have some real problems#cannot describe the level of fatigue and cognitive decline that's been happening for me and that's not including the physical decline#i've literally been huddled in the bathroom for like half an hour because i can't get my stomach to settle and i want to scream
10 notes
·
View notes