#glad I have a specialist appointment next week

[jon-withnoh]

Health vent in the tags 🙃

[simslegacy5083]

Today's (10/17/2024) Episode: Tough Decisions

When Luigi got home from the stadium, he had the unenviable job of telling his wife what Doc had said.

Noemi eyed the wrist brace he’d slipped on as soon as he arrived suspiciously while he began with the good news of his victory. Her expression darkened as he moved on to recounting the trainer’s suspicions and his flimsy justifications for ignoring everyone’s warnings and advice to rest his hand.

"Lu… your job is not as important as your health!" she eventually berated him. “I can’t believe I have to babysit you, but you’ll make the same dumb choices about your next tournament and Rainy Day’s inevitable request for DLC and updates to Watcher Tales if I don’t keep an eye on you…!" 

Given the way he was feeling just then, Luigi couldn't even argue with her. He'd achieved those all-important professional goals, but at what cost?

The price for his hubris was revealed at Luigi’s appointment with the hand specialist. With a few tests Dr. Cody confirmed Doc Leonard’s suspicion that Luigi had sustained some permanent nerve damage and echoed the trainer's assessment that surgery was the best option for his long-term recovery. 

"I’m definitely not interested in surgery“ Luigi told her right away, prompting Noemi to question "Lu, what could it hurt to learn more about…”

He fired back unusually gruffly: "No! absolutely not" before asking the Dr. “What else can you offer me, because surgery isn't happening."

They finally settled on trying steroid injections.

“The effectiveness varies patient to patient and the benefits are only temporary” the provider told them “but they should offer you some relief. I also strongly recommend you change your lifestyle and minimize activities that aggravate your condition. That includes intensive computer work." 

Luigi was glad to see some improvement after his first injection. He also finally accepted the fact that something had to give in his professional life. In the end that decision was a simple one, even if it broke his heart a little to do what he felt he had to do.

A few days after his championship win Luigi was seated in the press room with Rainy Day’s E-Sports coaching staff.

"From the time I was a teenager I knew I wanted to play SimScuffle professionally" he began “As many of you know I got my start on Foxbury’s collegiate team, and when that amazing journey ended, I was lucky enough to be recruited by Rainy Day.” He paused and took a deep breath.

“Today I’m here to announce that I am officially retiring from competitive play.”

The teams head coach took over then “Luigi’s mentorship abilities and strategic insights have elevated our team’s profile and performance immensely. We are excited to transition him into a permanent role as our new director of strategy and recruitment. We’re looking forward to what the future holds.”

As he focused his attention on the press and prepared to answer questions Luigi reflected that, while this was not the way he’d wanted his E-Sports career to end, he was eager to tackle this new challenge in the days and weeks to come.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[krakenartificer]

Notes on therapist selection

(From someone who is getting a good grade in Having a Therapist, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

Some friends were discussing their work to find a therapist today, and I noticed some unspoken assumptions that can sometimes get in the way of finding someone who's a good fit for your recovery needs, especially around deciding what specializations to look for when no one covers the full range of your crazy. So a list of things to think about that -- as always -- may or may not be useful to anyone except me.

1) On overlapping specializations Anyone who specializes in ADHD or Autism will also have experience dealing with trauma, because every school system I've ever encountered has been traumatizing for NDs. They may or may not call it trauma in their own minds, but they know how to handle "a bad thing happened in my past and it's fucking up my present" problems.

Likewise, everyone who specializes in trauma has experience with anxiety. PTSD was, until 2013, classified as an anxiety disorder. DSM-V puts it in its own category for presumably good reasons, but everyone with PTSD has anxiety (or close enough that you can't specialize in trauma without knowing how to deal with anxiety).

That said ... 2) On picking your therapist based on vibes

Vibes are really more important than specialization. Specialization is important if, like, you have one (1) specific problem and you are looking for a solution for that problem. Like, if your life is fine except that you have ADHD and the executive dysfunction is causing you to be unable to write English essays, then you definitely want an ADHD specialist. But if your opening session is going to be

Therapist: So what brings you in? Me: Well! -straightens lapels- -pulls out easel- -pulls out prepared presentation notes- I have a list

Or

Therapist: So what brings you in? What changes are you looking to make? Me: This -gestures- Therapist: You just pointed to all of you Me: Yes.

then any generic psychologist is as good as any other. You got shit in your head and you gotta detangle it and it's all snarled together anyway, so it's a lot more important that you find someone who you're willing to be working with for years.

3) On finding "the one"

Odds are really really good that you're gonna have more than one therapist in your recovery arc. I did 2 years with one who specialized in psychological impacts on physical health, and it did so. much. for me, and I don't regret it for a moment, but also ... I reached a point where that wasn't the specialization I needed anymore, and also the shit in my head I needed to deal with was the kind of shit that (for trauma reasons) I couldn't talk about to someone in that therapist's demographic. So I left that practice, and found my current therapist.

My current therapist is great, and I'm really glad I'm working with him, but it's entirely possible that he's not going to be able to sort out this entire mess. We may reach a point where his specialties of relationships and adhd are not my bottlenecks any more, and he doesn't really have the tools he needs to handle what my next bottleneck is, and I'll go find someone else who can meet my needs at that time. This is normal and expected, and it's entirely fine to plan on it by (for example) deciding that you want a specialist in this thing right now, and you'll go find a specialist in this other thing later.

4) On Shopping

It's entirely reasonable to have more than one therapist this week. You are in no way expected or required to pick a single therapist based off of some profile pictures, a bio on the website, and a phone call, and then you're stuck with them forever. It is normal and understood that you will set up appointments with half a dozen therapists, and then pick two (or three) to do another session with, before settling into a single choice. Or don't! If you like two therapists for different reasons, and you'd rather work with them simultaneously instead of serially, then feel free to schedule with twice as many therapists, half as often. This ain't a wedding; you don't have to restrict yourself to only one.

Narrow down your choices as quickly as you want to based on your anxiety about not having a decision, based on your executive dysfunction and inability to track multiple things, based on how you feel about each one ... but don't narrow them down to one just because you think that's "the rules", somehow.

5) On Being Abrasive

If you know, upfront, what some of your dealbreakers are, just straight-up say that as you're scheduling the appointment or in the first session. My last therapist became a problem for me because she expressed empathy in a way that was too similar to the way my abuser used weaponized politeness to deny me boundaries; I couldn't talk to her about my violations because her demeanor was too similar to the person who violated me. So when I first talked to my current therapist, I told him, "I need someone who, if they think I'm full of shit, will say 'I think you're full of shit.'" He replied "One of my other clients calls me 'Deadpool'." I said, "Perfect. Let's give it a shot."

So if you really care that someone will let you schedule appointments online, or will never touch your wrist, or will treat your "disorder" as a neurodivergence to be accommodated rather than a problem to be solved, then say so. The sooner you both know that, the better: if you have particular needs, they need to know that now; and if they're not willing to meet your needs, YOU need to know that now.

(You will not, of course, always know your dealbreakers upfront. When I picked my first therapist, my primary problem was hip pain, and I didn't know it was PTSD. It was through her help that I realized that (a) I had trauma and (b) she was way too like my abuser for me to treat PTSD with her. This was not a failure. This was a massive success, because learning that was what allowed me to find someone who could help me (see point #3). It's fine if you don't know, right now, what you need -- that's part of why vibes are so important (see point #2). But whatever information you can give them, it is helpful to do so, and (despite what people in your past have implied) it is not rude, it is beneficial and desired.

6 - not advice, just a reminder

You are beautiful and brave and strong and I am so proud of you for fighting through all the shit -- both internal and external -- to get yourself help. No one ever talks about how hard it is to get to the point where you schedule that first meeting with that first therapist, and I want you to know that it is painful, it is challenging, and you're not lazy or stupid or whatever other lie your brain is telling you.

[b-blushes]

feeling so balloon going to burst atm (hospital/medical/chronic illness/disability stuff. not good vibes (i'm fine though! except for in my feelings! :P))

next week i'm meeting a new specialist who is 'far away' and we are leaving 2.5 hours early to get to the appointment and i'm so scared style. it's so exhausting and i'm so frustrated with myself! i'm really glad that i get to go, and i want to go, i found the dr researched the hospital sent the emails booked the appointment all the stuff but i don't want to need to go u know. i don't like it. i'm so grateful to be going and i also just don't want this to be my life at all. both my parents are taking me, i appreciate this so much. i'm so stressed about being 'high risk' (amongst other things, i have a heart condition) and going so far from home and spending so much time in the car and we'll have to eat lunch and this will have to happen in the carpark of the hospital because i am not going to eat anywhere indoors with anyone and it's annoying to wear a mask for hours in the car and it's all FINE, i can do it and nothing bad will probably happen but i'm so sick of being so scared about it and also of being the cautious sensible one who is imposing precautions on everyone else. i hate it, and i hate hating it.

it's hard not to get hung up on the negative side of it all. this is why i'm frustrated about it! i feel like i should be better about it, don't need to be already getting wound up about it 2 weeks before any appointment and even worse the week before. don't need to be drifting out of touch with friends or just checking in rather than being able to properly be myself and talk because i'm so out of my self about it but also at the same time not even feeling like i am, just that the dots are not connecting in my brain. i don't feel like i should be so scared about waking up 2 hours before normal to leave on time because the appointment is so 'early', and that waking up so 'early' shouldn't make me as ill as it historically has. i just don't want to be so scared about it all, but i truly don't see how i can not be. and also there is the blinkers mode of being Like This (I don't even know what the feeling or words for it are) of knowing that i'm not being able to see the whole breadth of the (or any similar) situation when i'm in this headspace, but also not being able to force myself to see outside it because i'm In Here. I don't want to take medication about it because i've already got a lot going on with my body and historically nothing i've tried in this vein has worked for me, I don't see how therapy would stop it, because i can get through it and feel like i am already using all the techniques i can to make sure that i'm not acting in ways that are harmful to myself and actively am trying to soothe myself as much as i can - i don't feel that i need any aids to get through it, the only thing i can imagine truly wanting is a way to feel fine about it and i don't know how that can happen because the root of it is triggering symptoms and bad medical experiences and i don't think that i as a chronically ill disabled person continuing to engage with healthcare can guarantee either of those things.

I might be so so wrong but that feels like the best thing I can do is continue to try through all the parts that i can influence to bank as many positive experiences as i can, and hopefully at some point they will tip the balance and then it won't be a whole thing. I guess ultimately it's like that saying of 'someone who is anxious doesn't need to feel calm, they need to feel safe', and while i am doing everything i can currently think of to give this to myself, i do not control all the variables. Part of my worry and frustration about it all too is that my conception about the whole topic is also wrong, and that i'm standing in the way of improving things for myself and thus everyone who i am interacting with especially in the focussed time period where i'm preparing for another appointment. I guess the crux of it is that i wish i was doing a better job of dealing with the uncertainty and the response that past bad experiences have resulted in, and that i don't know how or if i can do better, that it feels like the difficulties that i am having are my own fault, and that having doubts about whether i could do better means i could and i'm choosing not to. and no-one else can absolve me of this WHICH SUCKS!!!! :P

good grief. anyway. i'm just trying to do my best while this is all constantly running background in my head, and feeling like my best kind of sucks at best but also that it is my best. which also sucks because it should be better. guy who is tormenting themself voice. IT PROBABLY WON'T EVEN BE ANYTHING TO BE SCARED OF!!!!! and that pisses me off too tbh because then it's like congrats you did a whole stupid thing about NOTHING. AGAIN. Trying to find the balance between being nice to yourself and being lenient with negative effects. i am challenged by this.

TLDR scared of da hospital. hate to be scared of it.

have not even touched on in this post the implications of the actual appointment. also having a lot of fears that how i am currently trying to live is not sustainable and reckoning with being told flatout that i am not managing a chronic pain condition that i have been seeking care for for years yet somehow had not conceptualised myself as having said chronic pain condition, thus consequently failing to manage it, and dealing with the 'shame' of that. not my sole failure but a big chunk of it is on me. And not sure what to change to do a better job of managing my conditions. just really feels like i'm fumbling it atm and 'it' is my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway. Ideally, new specialist will be able to give another assessment from a new perspective of the gravity of my fumbling or lack thereof. And give me some guidance from their experience of diagnosing and treating people with one of the conditions that i have that they are an expert in. It would be really neat to discuss with him how abnormal or completely predictable my uhh level of disability is given his expertise, and also what, if anything, i can do about it. Whilst also keeping in mind that he is just one guy. good grief. Double anyway. I'll be up so early that i might be able to see the sunrise, so that'll be neat! and i don't really get to leave the house much so it's always really nice to see so much SCENERY from the car window when i get to go somewhere :3 And maybe i won't feel so sick and i will get to enjoy nice car ride and have a delicious sandwich in the carpark and it will be peace and love on planet me.

[sap-woods]

I feel so, so defeated. My partner is on vacation, so I've been alone for about a week now. Work has really been a series of annoying problems for the past couple weeks — and I've had to involve my supervisor, which I have rarely had to do at all this year. Nothing I could have prevented, but I just really wish it wasn't this week that my name keeps popping up in her email due to problems, because we're about to get our placement assignments for next year, and I will honestly be really devastated if I get moved to a new site at work.

So I worked all through the weekend to try and get through some of the mess. Then I had a 3 hour dentist appointment on Monday. The only things I've been looking forward to have been going to my choir, should have been tonight, getting a haircut, which was scheduled for tomorrow, the weekend, which is supposed to be properly warm, and my partner coming home, on Monday.

But no. I just got my first ever positive covid test (from that wretched dentist appointment, perhaps...). I'm extremely grateful not to infect my partner, because she had a terrible time with covid... and I'm glad not to need to quarantine in a 1-bedroom apartment. But I feel so tired and I really wish someone else could clean the cat litter tonight. And make dinner. And do the laundry. And I feel so, so, miserable thinking about not seeing her for even longer than I thought. With shaggy overgrown hair. And if my autoimmune disease flares up (which the specialist I see told me it likely would with covid, or any cold/flu) perhaps some pain, too.

Work isn't even in a state where I can take a sick day right now... So I'm just going to work for free, but from home for once, for my last two remaining sick days. Then take a weekend that should have been fun and warm outside with a fresh haircut, awaiting my partner's return, and spend it completely indoors. Then, come Monday, not see my partner when she gets home, and decide whether I'd like to take an unpaid sick day and keep falling further behind, or risk infecting everyone at work.

Bleh. I probably should take some time for some gratitudes... like I have two legs that work for the most part, I have good doctor if I do have a flare up who will help me, summer is coming, my cat is really good, I have a whole house to quarantine in, I've had three offers already from friends/family to drop stuff off if I need it, I will see my partner again pretty soon, I will be fine, this will all pass...

...but man, this stinks!

[ekwolfwood]

...well this has been a week from hell. or a month. its just been.... a lot. sorry if none of this makes sense, it is very much 4am.

(tw: health talk, disability talk... and death/pet death)

-it started at yeti, which was overall fantastic and 10/10 cant wait for next year, but all the stress factors all compounded into me having what was, on my birthday, probably my first noticeable seizure in decades. im not fully convinced, but both my partner and my twin noticed something was very off/not like regular dissociating

(i was one of those lucky ones that "grew out" of my absence seizures by highschool-ish, but theres always been the chance of them coming back/if i was still having super mild ones (i still have hella motor tics, which are tangentially related), but recently.... something in me might have been trying to warn me (we were using our own disability stuff for our heralds au, and bringing it up a lot...). i wanna talk about the good yeti things, but it doesnt feel like that day happened at all?

-on an immediate side note, mild pain flares took up a lot of the following two weeks, but i also finally got a specialist appointment with a pseudo answer??? he was very nice, and confirms at least prooobably fibromyalgia? which yeah lol ive suspected for years, so its a nice first step/confirmation. im placing a new bet however on that hes dead wrong with saying theres nothing wrong with my connective tissue. there is. i know there is. the pain and need for a walking stick for my knees/balance says otherwise

now the other two... bigger things.

-...... got a call on canada day that my grandad died. its been.... rough. more worry (mostly about my dad, and just over change and scheduling). more stress. this is the first time ive cried over a family member dying. ever. i didnt care about the other set of grandparents, on my mums side (when my nana died there was an undercurrent of 'ding dong the bitch is dead...' she was a... mildly racist piece of work, to be nice about her). but i like my dads side of the family. im glad alex got to meet him once before he went. he was 96. its not a shock, its just... its just yeah. theres gonna be no funeral, and i dont know if im thankful for that or not.

-.....and then all the past few weeks, Loki, my partners cat, had been acting increasingly off. i had a gut feeling. he's had kidney issues/near renal failure twice before. i just... i knew it was gonna be soon, and i desperately wanted to be wrong, and let the little blighter have a good long life being a little sensory nightmare to me, but... something in me just fucking knew. and, of course, because of my grandad, the news happened when i was 3 hours away from home with responsibilities and couldnt just leave. she's here now tho, and we're going home tomorrow morning, and saying goodbye to him on thursday.

i... dont deal well with change. the processing, the not feeling grief properly (cognitive/affective empathy issues, which is wild because alex and i had a whole ass conversation about that before any of this happened???? again. weird. coincidences.), the uncertainty.

and the fact that no one can be ready for any of this.

but, if things come in threes, then that better be fucking it for a while okay.

because we'll be alright.

we'll make it through.

things just take time.

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 3: Chapter 17

The Judges House: August 2018

Word count: 2.2k

SkyFire 3 MASTERLIST

Before leaving London at the end of August, Aurora made an appointment with her obgyn and had a series of blood tests and ultrasounds completed to confirm whether or not she was pregnant after the first round of insemination.  Once she received the results, she and Harry flew to New York ahead of the contestants and crew so that they could spend a few days with Rori’s parents and the rest of the Avengers.

As always, Aurora was overjoyed to be home and the moment she stepped out of the elevator and into the penthouse, she was swept up in a bone crushing hug by Steve, as had become their tradition. He barely set her back on her feet before Tony pulled her against him in a tight hug of his own.

“Careful, you two,” she warned. “There’s precious cargo on board.”

They both pulled back from the hug for a moment in confusion, staring at her for a moment  as they processed her words, and she was glad she’d thought to ask Harry to film this on his phone when she saw the way both Steve and Tony’s eyes welled with tears as her words sank in.

“Really?” Steve croaked, his voice thick with emotion.

“Really,” Aurora replied with a grin that had her cheeks aching. “I’m pregnant.”

They pulled her back towards them in a hug, although she noticed the way they squeezed her a little less this time.

“I don’t understand,” Steve mumbled in confusion, his brows pinched tightly together. “All of the specialists told us that this was going to take several rounds…”

“I guess they never took into account that super soldier serum of yours babe,” Tony replied as they all headed for the living room sofas.

“I just can’t believe it’s really happening,” Steve admitted. “We’re having a baby.”

The rest of the day was spent with neither Steve nor Tony more than a few meters from Rori at any moment, and neither of them could stop thanking her continuously as the day passed. Eventually the sun set and the rest of the Avengers started appearing in the Penthouse as dinner neared. Aurora had set herself up on a barstool at the breakfast bar so that Steve could prepare dinner without feeling too far from her.

xXx

Originally Tony had planned for he and Steve to vacation in Miami for the week while Rori would be filming in the Tower so that they would be out of the way, but with the news of the baby they decided to stay in NYC. They had accepted that with Aurora in London for the show, they would miss a great deal of the pregnancy so they were eager to make the most of her being home in New York briefly and were already planning their visits to London over the next few months. For her part, Rori took their smothering in stride as she knew that they were just excited.

They had almost a full day to dote on her after the announcement the previous evening before the film crew arrived and started setting up in the living room of the penthouse, ensuring that the wide expansive view of Central Park would be perfectly captured in the back of the shot. While all of this preparation was done, the contestants flew in from London and were sent off on a sightseeing tour of the city before they got to work early  the following day.

xXx

That next morning, the contestants were filmed walking through Central Park before they exited at the Maine Monument in the shadow of Avengers Tower. They all acted surprised when Aurora was standing on the street corner to greet them, rushing forward to hug their mentor.

“So what do you think of my city, Girls?” Rori asked. The answering squeals caused her to chuckle before gesturing for them to cross the road. “Come on, let’s go.”

There was no faking the shock and awe of the young girls as they entered the lobby of the tower and then took the private elevator up to the Penthouse floor. Rori remembered well her own feelings of awe when she stepped out of the lift and into the Penthouse for the first time. It had been before the remodel after the Battle of New York, but the impact was still much the same. The camera’s captured the excitement and awe on the contestants faces as they took in the opulent room and the glass wall which provided the sweeping view of Central Park laid out beneath them. Aurora took a moment to take in the familiar locations she could see bordering the park. The Aquavella gallery, her old high school LaGuardia High, the Belvedere Castle, and off in the distance she could just catch a glimpse of the Columbia campus.

“Welcome to Manhattan, Girls,” Aurora announced, “and welcome to Avengers Tower. So far in the competition it’s all been about being on stage and performing in front of big crowds, but today I want to strip all of that back and just really get a sense of who each of you are. What I’m looking for today is your passion, your range and your control. If you can deliver that, then I know you’ll be able to take on the live shows and take it all the way to the finals.”

The girls all looked amongst themselves anxiously before following Aurora over to the couches arranged for them in the living room. Rori didn’t join them on the couch, and instead walked over to where the chairs were set aside. “Of course, picking who will be joining me in the live shows is a really big decision and one I definitely can’t make alone, so I’ve got a special guest joining us to help me judge your performances today. He’s an award winning, multi-platinum selling artist, who has performed sold out shows on almost every continent, but most importantly of all he’s the opinion in trust more than my own, Girls please give a warm welcome to my husband, Harry Styles.”

“It’s lovely to meet you all,” Harry said once the excited squeals had died down. “I’ve been exactly where you are now and I know how terrifying this moment is. Just remember that you made it this far because you have something special and that you’ve earned your place. Just sing from the heart and you’ll be ok.”

“Molly, I’d love for you to kick things off for us love,” Rori announced once she and Harry had taken their seats. “Why don’t you introduce yourself, and tell Harry a bit about yourself?”

As each girl took their turn in front of Aurora and Harry, she grew more and more uncertain about who she wanted to pick to continue in the competition. Each of the contestants had incredible voices and moving stories and Rori hated the idea of being the person to take their dream away from them. She was relieved when they finished filming the girls segments and they were ushered out of the Tower to have dinner on the upper east side.

“Harry, what am I going to do?” Rori asked once the elevator lifts slid closed. “How on earth am I going to pick who to send home?”

“I think you have to trust your gut love,” Harry replied, conscious of the camera’s still capturing every moment of their conversation. “They each have something special, but they also have a lot to learn. Which of them do you think you can teach?”

“I feel like Bella has something special about her,” Rori mused. “She’s got such an energy and I want to see where we can take that together.”

“One down, 3 to go,” Harry nodded. “Shan has an incredible voice and she’s clearly got a lot of guts to come here today and sing an original song in front of you.”

“And it was good,” Rori agreed. “So Bella and Shan are in, which only leaves 2 more spots.”

“Any ideas?”

“None,” Aurora admitted, “They are all fantastic. I have no idea what to do.”

“Why don’t we go join them for dinner and then you can sleep on it and maybe you’ll feel more sure of your choice in the morning.”

Aurora agreed with her husband's plan and they both left the tower with the camera crew in tow to join the 6 girls for dinner.

xXx

The following day Aurora walked a few blocks from the tower with one of the camera crew to accompany her as she headed off to meet with her contestants. It was a sunny day and she silently hoped that she looked as confident as she was pretending to be as she walked down 7th avenue. The 6 Girls were waiting for her on the side walk when she arrived and she happily accepted the group hug. “Ladies, welcome to one of my favourite places in New York, the famous Carnegie Hall. Let’s head inside.”

They were guided through the building and out onto the main stage, looking out over the empty rows of red velvet chairs. The contestants looked around in awe, and Aurora herself found it all a bit breathtaking. “Some of the greatest musicians in history have stood on this stage and commanded their audience. Each of you, for your own personal reasons, dreams of your moment, and while 4 of you will have the opportunity to continue on this journey with me, unfortunately 2 of you will not be joining us in the live shows.”

The 6 contestants instinctively reached for each other, all holding hands and their breath for what Aurora would say next.

“Harry and I deliberated this decision for a very long time last night and even this morning on the walk over here, I still wasn’t 100% certain I’ve made the right choice, but one thing we did decided on is that Harry’s least favourite part of being a contestant back in the day was waiting in another room as one by one each person got told their fate. So I won’t put you through all that and instead I’m just going to tell you all together. Bella and Shan… You will be joining me in the live shows.”

Bella launched herself into Shan’s arms, both girls gripping each other tightly as they celebrated.

“But of course that only leaves 2 more places on my team,” Rori pointed out as the tension continued to build. “Maria and Georgia… I’m sorry ladies, but this isn’t your year. Congratulations Scarlett and Molly.”

There were a lot of tears following her announcement and Rori was quickly pulled into hugs.

“I’m so sorry,” she told the illuminated contestants. “I’m so sorry, please don’t give up after this.”

xXx

Aurora and Harry remained in New York for a few more days and while they were still in town, the first Audition episodes began airing. Aurora was nervous for the audience response, given how a lot of people had been very vocal on Twitter when she was announced as a judge.

◊Ella: Here as always with the latest episode of ‘what you missed on twitter’

◊Aurora: God do I even want to know?

◊Ella: People think you’re funny and the directioners are loving seeing you and Lou together.

◊Aurora: What… no hate?

◊Ella: eh, there’s always gonna be some loud arseholes but they're in the minority

◊Aurora: What are they saying?

◊Ella: Nope. We’re focusing on the good comments and we’re ignoring the dickheads.

◊Aurora: That means it’s pretty bad…

◊Ella: You’re your own worst enemy. Let’s have coffee when you’re home on Thursday and I’ll give you the full run down in person yeah?

◊Aurora: Fine. I’ll settle for Thursday. Meet you at the stag at 4?

◊Ella: Make it 4:30 and I’ll see you there.

◊Aurora: Love you E.

◊Ella: Love you too, A.

xXx

After returning to London, the beginning of September was spent in vocal lessons with the contestants and continuing to film extra video packages for upcoming episodes. More of the audition episodes aired and the public started picking out favourites among the contestants. They also seemed to love the dynamic between Louis and Aurora.

The pair  were having lunch together one afternoon at the studios where the show was based when Simon approached them.

��Have either of you been on Twitter lately?” he asked after sitting down at their table.

“I left Twitter years ago,” Rori answered, sparing a quick glance at Louis while they both tried to figure out what Simon wanted. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing’s wrong,” Simon replied. “Quite the opposite actually. The audience is loving you two during the auditions. So I want you to lean into your friendship and really act it up when we start the live shows.”

“We’re not acting Simon,” Louis scoffed.

“If people liked the way we interact, shouldn't we just keep being ourselves?” Rori added.

“Of course,” he backtracked. “I’m not trying to say you should fake anything and obviously you're very close. I just want you to lean into that and really let those interactions shine when you’re on camera.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure thing mate, will do.”

“Excellent,” Simon nodded with a smug grin. “I knew I made a great decision getting both of you on to judge.”

“Uggh,” Aurora scoffed after watching Simon stand up and walk away. “God he’s gross.”

"What a dickhead," Louis agreed.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[crazyvik97rpg]

Naturally, Charlotte and James offered their help again right away when Sebastian voiced his concerns. It felt good to hear their supportive words and reassurance. Still…the appointment still awaited him next week and he was scared. What if all those new methods couldn’t be used on him, were too expensive or not what he needed? What if the results came back worse than anticipated and the cancer wasn’t gone after all? These were his biggest concerns – and he hated that there was nothing more he could do but wait.

Charlotte still offered to have Sebastian see this specialist in Newcastle, if everything else didn’t work. He supposed he appreciated it – she was never stingy with money, especially when it came to family it seemed. Sebastian was glad they already considered him family – surrounded by all these lovely people, he couldn’t be more lucky in such situation, truly.

„Thank you. Really. I appreciate it a lot“, Sebastian hummed and gave a nod, to them both, „I can just hope, I guess…hope for the best. I already dreaded all the waiting before the surgery and now…I can’t do anything but wait, that’s the worst for me. But well…point is…it’s great to have you here. To spend time together. William often has to deal with my foul moods lately but today already made me feel so much better“.

They still ate their food slowly in between talking - despite the heavy topic, it was really delicious. Sebastian had appetite and he needed the additional calories - all the better for the healing process.

„Anyway…“, he spoke after a moment, „How about we stop by William‘s house after dinner? I suppose we need to bring James‘ things there anyway. And then you could also meet Pavarotti?“

For I have sinned...

The principal cleared his throat, eyes scanning the notes that he had wrote down before this meeting. It already lasted an hour, and the teachers gathered in the faculty room were becoming restless and bored. But indeed there were some things to discuss, with the concert that the senior class was supposed to perform at the end of the semester, and with recent staff changes. 

William glanced down at his watch, sighing softly. His class was starting in 15 minutes, so at least, whether the meeting will be done soon or not, he will get to excuse himself. He looked out of the window, his mind wandering. Principal’s voice turned into white noise in the background. It was a pleasant day, late summer. But William was looking forward to a slightly cooler weather. Wearing all black could really be bothersome at times. 

“And lastly, I am pleased to announce that we have finally found replacement for the violin teacher. Dear Mr Tanaka, may he rest in peace, was with us for so many years that I’ve been concerned we won’t be able to find someone as good as to fill this position.” the principal spoke. “But Mr… Michaelis, was highly recommended to me, and he indeed has impressive references. He will be starting this week, so please welcome him warmly once he will arrive. Ah yes… about that. He will arrive today at noon, I need someone to pick him up from the train station and bring over for the tour around the school. Any volunteers?” 

William was barely listening, and definitely not paying much attention. He glanced at his watch again, and saw that it was time to leave, as his class was about to start. He raised his hand to excuse himself, and little did he know, he just volunteered.

“Father William! Excellent!” the principal exclaimed. “Just don’t be late, the train arrives at noon.”

“Train…?” William questioned, raising his brow. He had a feeling he was missing something…

***

Right after the meeting, William had to run for the class, so he had little time to clarify what exactly he had volunteered for. He was a piano teacher in this Music Academy, but also he served as a priest in local church. Well respected, and rather liked. So when he later found out it was about the new violin teacher, he didn’t refuse. Who, other than himself, would be a better choice to introduce a newcome to their community?

So even though he raised his hand by accident, he accepted this fate.

After classes, at noon, William took a taxi and drove to the train station, to pick up their new teacher. Wearing black trousers, and a black shirt with a thin tie, was absolutely dreadful in this weather, so William quickly found shelter under the roof of the station platform, that provided some shade.

The train had just arrived. William had no idea how Mr Michaelis looked like, but he figured he will just look for someone carrying a violin case with them. 

He was in for a bit surprise.

@crazyvik97

[timeoverload]

I got my bill paid and the lawsuit dropped and it took me less than 5 minutes. I told you I didn't need your help, anon. I also paid 3 other bills and got those out of the way. I don't think I have any other ones in collections as far as I know other than the debt that I had consolidated a few years ago. I'm getting close to having that paid off too. I need to pay the spine specialist and I need to pay for my x-ray but those bills aren't overdue yet so I'm planning on paying for those with my next paycheck. I think I am going to get back on track faster than I thought. I'm glad I don't use a credit card anymore so I don't have to worry about that too.

I just need to take a deep breath sometimes and believe in myself. I know I am a very smart and independent woman. I know I am capable of achieving my goals because I have done it so many times before. I need to try to stop letting my anxiety get the best of me.

I am going to figure out my budget sometime this weekend to see if I can afford to go to my appointment next week. I think I will be able to if I'm frugal but I want to be sure. I don't want to do it right now. I also don't know how much my car is going to cost to fix yet.

I don't think there is a problem with Harry's license either because I checked online last night and it said that he wasn't due for renewal. I know I paid for it. I think I might just be losing my mind. I guess I'm not going to worry about it unless I get anything else in the mail.

I hope no one else tries to piss me off today because I would not respond well to that. I didn't feel like I could relax at all last night so I need to try to do that today. My blood pressure has been way too high. I also woke up way earlier than I wanted to because I wanted to get shit done. I probably should avoid the internet for a little while so I can calm down. I am happy that I don't have any obligations for the rest of the day. I'm sure I will feel better later.

I apologize to everyone else for my mood. I hope you all have a great day. :) 💖💖💖

[discoveringthebible]

On Patience and Endurance

James 1:2-5, New Living Translation

2: Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3: For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4: So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect, and complete, needing nothing.

5: If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 

Galatians 5:22-23, New Living Translation

22: But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23: gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Hebrews 12:1-2, New Living Translation

1: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2: We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now  he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.

I have gone through a considerable amount of crap since Thanksgiving day. And I’m going to admit, my patience and endurance is wearing quite thin. I broke down and cried today and I may do it again later.

Here is a quick list of everything that I have been going through:

- Thanksgiving night received a call that my great aunt Bev was terminally ill (today is actually her birthday)

- Sunday after Thanksgiving Auntie Bev passed away

- Mid December received a call that my mom’s sister, Rose was terminally ill. The next day she passed away. Found out later she had been in the hospital since Thanksgiving and never knew. 

- Early January found out that my dad’s uncle, great-uncle Wade had passed away from severe health complications. 

-Because of severe weather, we were not able to attend Uncle Wade’s funeral, and ended up being pretty much the only family not there. (I am glad everyone had made it safe)

- In February, I was able to see a hip specialist for a hip condition. I waited 1 year to see this hip doctor. During his examination, I became injured and he believed I had a tear in my hip, but was told I could work on it.

-I worked on my hip for about 6 weeks, with debilitating pain. I had xrays and MRIs and then he immediately placed me on 12 week disability with my job because my hip was in much worse shape than he originally believed it to be. 

-I requested to have a second opinion by a surgeon, because the hip doctor wanted to “band aid” the situation, I wanted a reasonable solution. Physical therapy and pain injections would not fix my problem. 

-First hip surgeon called me 2 days before my appointment at the end of April and said my case was too complicated for him and he would not see me as a patient. 

-Because of the second opinion, the first doctor dropped me as a patient, before filling out the disability paperwork I needed for my job and for the state so I could get money while I was out of work. 

-I was removed from my two ministries because of a difference in theology with the Church of the Nazarene. 

-I left my church and I left the Church of the Nazarene. 

-Had to make an  appointment with my doctor to get disability paperwork and new referral. My doctor filled out paperwork for disability for my job and the state.

-Third referral for my hip was denied in mid May. I cannot even remember the reason.

-I found a new church and a new church denomination to worship in. 

-Fourth referral for my hip was denied in the beginning of June because they were full, they could not accept new patients. They didn’t have many doctors who could even see me because of my unique case. 

-Got off the phone today with the new referral. Turns out they will not see me because of the type of insurance I have. 

-I have an appointment on Monday with my doctor to do a new referral (again) and to hopefully extend my disability. My work will not allow me to return until I am cleared to work because of the possibility of injuring myself while on the job. 

Right now, I am holding onto hope. I know that all this crap is temporary. And I have felt God in every step of the way, but I am also tired. I am tired of fighting to get the aid that I need to get better. I am currently using a cane to help me walk. I cannot walk far and I cannot do what I used to be able to do at the beginning of the year. 

Until today, there was something I had read a lot in the Bible, but I didn’t fully understand, but now I do because I am in the middle of many, many trials. (Especially Verse 4, I am seeing in a new light)

Romans 5:1-5, New Living Translation

1: Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2: Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. 

3: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4: And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5: And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. 

If you are struggling, like I am, with everything seemingly going wrong, hold on to hope. God is with us every step of the way. This is something that I am absolutely sure of. And this struggling, this pain, these problems are temporary. They will end. 

Peace, Love and Blessings

Cody Marie

[nettheworldonfire]

Okay, so I did that thing again where I fell off the face of the Earth for a bit. And in full disclosure, my memory is so bad these days, I don't know what you've "missed" while I was "gone," but I'll do my best to play catch up.

In September we got Covid (after successfully avoiding it forever) and had to reschedule our DisneyLand trip. Luckily, we were able to move flights and hotels and make it work). This meant though, in October, while floating through "It's a Small World" with my family, I got the call from Dr. Soulen -- the liver specialist. Through the spotty reception and tiny multicultural voices, I was able to hear his short, expert opinion - the Lanreotide injection has been doing its job, but probably won't by this time next year. The happiest place on Earth meets impending doom convo kind of left me a bit lost. And to be honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about it, because it means we're into the next phase - and while this is a "marathon not a sprint" it also will eventually end. Despite any weird feelings the call caused, and maybe because of it? I savored the trip with my family and I'm so glad we were able to make it work, even with the Covid curve ball.

Then, in November I had jury duty that was expected to last a week, and my upcoming Gallium scan got me dismissed. The scan showed very minimal growth (as expected) and Dr. Teitelbaum again discussed me at a conference for good measure. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to get "complacent," and I appreciate her being diligent. So, in December the docs decided to continue the Lanreotide injections, at least until my next scan in April.

Later in December, I had bloodwork (as always) and a physical with my primary where I had the pleasure of learning that the injections have given me type two diabetes. I've known this was a likely side effect (along with thyroid issues), but I was hopeful I was avoiding it. Like all issues with me, a metastatic anomaly, no one wants to just form a treatment plan without me seeing 500 specialists. I made an appointment with an endocrinologist at Doylestown Hospital (that was a month out) and then was given another appointment with Penn for the same week, so I canceled my first in effort to keep my doctors in the same circle. (Joke's on me because this circle is in West Philly and a 2 hour drive apparently). Took a day off, because Charlie also had an appointment at CHOP. My mom and Olive came along, so we could make it all work. Left the house before daylight, only to get pulled over for a left turn my GPS insisted I make. (Neither my mom or I saw any sort of sign saying I couldn't). I got a $165 ticket and was late to my appointment and couldn't get the whole "new patient" treatment so I had to schedule yet ANOTHER appointment. Fast forward to today -- took a two hour drive into the city -- I took a half day since my appointment was at nine, but I was still there with the docs at 12:20 so I had to call into work to take the whole day. Had I known I wasn't going to work, I probably would have dressed for comfort at least.

Now, I've finally had my specialist appointment with Dr. Sachum and a consult with Dr. Burns. They want me to eat a low carb, high protein diet (which I completely understand except my other gastro issues from the Whipple make me feel crappy when I eat veggies and meats, so that's fun). Currently I am wearing a Libre 2 meter (which is attached to my right arm for two weeks) to monitor my blood sugar. It gives me port vibes and I don't like it. The kids, however, are intrigued and Olive fell asleep caressing my arm (as usual) making sure she was touching the device. Weirdo.

I also have to test my sugars ocasionally using the finger prick meter (One Touch). That is not fun.

Everything is Bluetooth connected. How crazy is that? And what's super cool is that since they are linked to my phone, I get notifications and alarms sound to let me know it's high (or low, or just for fun maybe?) and they tell me that I cannot disable notifications, and it's all being reported to the diabetes police. (It's legitimately going off as I write this).

This should identify my patterns of highs and lows, and when the doctors see how things are working (or not working) we will formulate a plan. I've started Metformin (which they expect will cause me GI discomfort, but what's new) and they intend to slowly increase the dose over the next month or so. They may add another med if this doesn't do the trick alone. If cancer doesn't kill my liver, I'm pretty sure the 98 medications will.

So, I'm feeling annoyed and somewhat defeated by this all, which I'm sure is normal, but it's hard to keep up with life when I feel tired, nauseous, and generally down all the time. I'm working on the mental health stuff (new therapist) and hope to start feeling more like me again soon. I know there are people who have to deal with diabetes their whole life -- and I can certainly suck it up and deal with it as long as I have to. Hopefully, when the Lanreotide isn't working anymore and we move onto a new treatment, the effects of it will also go away and I won't need any of this crap. We shall see.

I plan to meet with Owen's aunt Monica, who is a nutritionist, and perhaps get some tips. Happy to accept any good recipes or ideas for school lunch (or coffee replacement options since I don't enjoy black coffee and can't justify wasting my carb intake on sugar).

Friday, I have my 36th injection - it's been about three years. It's insane. Let me say a hallelujah for that being an in-home visit. I couldn't handle going to Penn every month. My next scan is April, then a telehealth visit with Dr. Teitelbaum. May is the follow up with Dr. Sachum and then I hope any other appointments can be virtual because my PTO is being annihilated. Til next time!

[not-poignant]

I just opened utb to read the latest chapter and saw your notes- before I go any further I wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your latest medical news. I know you’ve been living with these kind of conditions for a while but I’m sure it’s still difficult and I hope you can find some respite between things. If it’s any comfort, your writing always brings me a lot of joy x

Hi anon,

Thank you so much <3

Unfortunately it never gets easier, and a lot of the time it gets harder. I've gone onto 3 new prescription medications this year, putting me up to about 9-10 daily prescription medicines (not including supplements). They don't always play nice with each other, and it's tough kind of balancing it all.

I'm also just tired of seeing specialists and paying for them. Australia has some socialised welfare, but then otherwise it's all full price and I have no medical insurance (a lot of people here don't, because workplaces don't offer it, and it's not standard). In some cases, I have to choose to see a specialist privately and pay $350 for an appointment, so that I'm not waiting 6-9 months to see a specialist for something urgent, and get the scans publicly, which means the scans and tests are free. And while I'm lucky to have that, I've had to see a lot of specialists this year, and I'm like...the most financially broke I've been in over a decade, and it's not about to end any time soon. :(

Next year, among other things, I'll have to see a pulmonary/lung specialist and attend a respiratory clinic, and I'll be finding out if I have pulmonary hypertension on top of COPD (which I was diagnosed with this week). I need to still get head/neck MRIs for my tumours. Blood tests on a regular basis. I need an iron infusion because I'm anemic again. I need a knee MRI. I need a triphasic hepatic CT scan. My doctor doesn't want to give me many more tests with radiation because I've had 6 weeks of head/neck radiotherapy in the past, as well as multiple PET, CT scans and X-rays, and I'm very much at the 'the tests we're giving you will give you cancer' stage.

But anyway, not only is it difficult, it becomes more and more difficult the more illnesses there are. I've been diagnosed with two more progressive and incurable diseases on top of everything else this week, and have to get a scan to rule out possible liver cancer (I'm hoping it's not that, but my head/neck tumours can metastasise at any point, so it...could be that).

2022 has been an extremely unkind year, and at this rate, 2023 isn't shaping up to be any kinder. :(

I'm glad I can do the writing, but actually, this month I am not really pressuring myself to write at all, and haven't written anything yet. Y'all are just really lucky that I wrote some chapters in advance and can keep up a steady pace for December. But I have nothing for January, lol. x.x

[lillywillow]

Fatherhood

Summary: Steve wants to be the best dad ever for his baby

 Word Count: 1344

 Square Filled: Pregnancy

 Pairings: Steve x Female Reader

 Warnings: Pregnancy, fluff

Written for @star spangled bingo

 Being married to Steve was an absolute dream. He was everything you could ever want in a husband and more. While you were still dating, the subject of starting a family had been brought up but life got in the way and the thought had been put on the backburner. After your wedding, the subject was once again up for discussion. People gave you all sorts of advice to help, some utterly ridiculous and some practical but you knew if you listened to all of it at once, you and Steve would drive yourselves mad. You decided if you weren’t pregnant by a certain timeframe, you would make an appointment to be checked by a specialist. Fortunately, that would not be nessacary...

...

 When you woke that morning, you had a good feeling about the day. You headed into the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. After a while, Steve became a little worried about you as you normally would walk out into the kitchen to greet him. He knocked on the bathroom door.

 “Y/N? You okay? You’ve been in there a while...”

 You opened the door with the stick in your hand.

 “Steve... look...”

 Steve took the item from your hand and looked at the two parallel lines.

 “Does this mean...?”

 With a smile, you teared up and nodded.

 “It’s positive...”

 “We’re going to be parents!”

 Steve hugged you tight and kissed your face all over. You couldn’t stop smiling.

...

 Over the next few weeks, you told everyone you knew about your upcoming arrival. Once again, people offered their advice, even if some of it was pointless but the number one thing people offered was help which you were grateful for.

 The first thing you did was convert the study into a nursery. It took a while but eventually you got all the old furniture out of the room and painted the walls a soft eggshell with the help of your friends. Steve told you he had a surprise for you and for days he worked tirelessly on it, not even allowing you to enter the nursery until he was done.

 Finally one day, he took you into the room to show you his work.

 “What do you think?” he asked, showing you the beautiful mural he painted.

 On the back wall, Steve had created an adorable pond scene. A white duck was swimming in the middle surrounded by her little yellow babies. A happy green frog sat on a lily-pad near some cattail reeds and water lilies. Every detail had been lovingly drawn with such fine brushstrokes.

 “I love it...”

 “Do you think our baby will too?”

 “I’m sure baby will, my darling,” you smiled, placing a hand on his cheek. Steve smiled and kissed you softly, placing his hand on your tummy. He couldn’t wait for your baby to get here.

...

 A few weeks later, you went in for a health check. Steve had missed the last few appointments due to work so he was determined to come to this one. You went in when your names were called and the doctor prepared everything. Steve helped you up onto the examination table and held your hand as the doctor put the gel onto your belly. Instantly, the baby’s heartbeat could be heard when the scanner was applied to the gel.

 “What’s that noise?” Steve asked, making you smile.

 “That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” the doctor confirmed.

 Steve gasped softly and his eyes widened in wonder.

 “That has to be the most beautiful sound I ever heard...” He teared up a little and squeezed your hand.

 “Would you like to know the gender of the baby?” This had been a conversation you had early on in your pregnancy so you already knew your answer.

 “No, thank you. We would like to leave it as a surprise.”

 “Okay. Well, everything looks great so far. We’ll schedule another appointment for you and if you have any questions or concerns, just call.”

 “We will. Thank you, Doctor.”

 With that, another appointment was made and you headed out of the office and headed home.

...

 Once you were home, Steve helped you to your room for a rest. Lately you had been feeling exhaustion set in easier than it used to. After he had made sure you were comfortable on the bed, Steve laid down beside you so he could talk to the baby, placing one hand on your bump.

 “Hi, little one. I’m your daddy. I’m so, so excited that you’re on your way and- oh!” Steve was interrupted by a tiny movement against his hand.

 “Was that...?”

 “I think so...”

 “Baby’s first kick!” Steve grinned and kissed your tummy, inciting another kick from the baby against his hand. “This is amazing!”

 You grinned and ran your fingers through his hair.

 “What’s with that look, Y/N?”

 “You’re the cutest. The baby isn’t even here yet and already you’re gushing over their smallest achievements... plus you’re taking such good care of me and taking care of my needs...”

 “I love you, Y/N and this little life right here... this is an extension of that love. I want to be the best dad ever. Teach them everything they need to know, be there for them when they need me... With you by my side, I feel like I can reach that goal...”

 You found yourself tearing up at his words. Smiling, Steve leant forward and kissed you softly, the baby still kicking away at his hand.

...

 During your eighth month of pregnancy, your family threw you a baby shower at a relative’s place in the countryside. The party had been a lot of fun with everyone who attended, playing games, eating food and some of them bringing presents. You watched as the some of the kids ran around, playing in the mud. They were all laughing and squealing in joy until one of them got stuck and started to panic. Being the closest one to the scene, you waddled over to help. With one hand on your belly, you managed to get onto your knees and stretched out your hand. The boy grabbed your fingers but it wasn’t enough.

 “Y/N!” Steve screamed. He ran over to help you out of the mud before extracting the stuck child.

 You still held your stomach as you felt strong pains.

 “Steve... Steve something doesn’t feel right...”

 “Hold on, Y/N. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

 Steve abruptly told your family that you needed medical assistance and fast.

...

 When you got to the hospital, you were taken in to be examined. Fortunately, it would only prove to be strong Braxton Hicks contractions but they still wanted to keep you in for observations. Steve informed your family on your condition and promised to keep them updated. He sat by your side, putting an arm around him.

 “I’m so glad that it was just a false alarm,” he sighed.

 “Me too. That was really scary...”

 “Why didn’t you come get me? I could have handled it...”

 “I wasn’t thinking. Besides I’m not the one who constantly puts themself in danger, Mr. I-jump-out-of-planes-without-a-parachute-and-run-into-burning-builsings-every-other-day-of-the-week.”

 Steve chuckled and kissed your head.

 “I may do those things but I’m not the one carrying precious cargo.”

 “That is true... Steve, can we not argue? The important thing is I’m okay and baby is okay.”

 “You’re right. You’re both safe and that’s all that matters.”

...

 One month after that incident, you safely gave birth to your beautiful little baby and Steve was absolutely over the moon. He couldn’t believe that the moment he had finally been waiting all these months for was finally here. Steve never left your side the whole time, holding your hand, stroking your hair; being the supportive husband he been throughout your whole pregnancy. As he held your child for the first time, Steve knew he couldn’t wait to start the next stage into fatherhood.

[itwasadhdallalong]

Intro Post

I’m 32, female, from New Zealand and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I have three kids and my oldest (my son) was diagnosed probably about 4 years ago. At the time he was diagnosed his specialist lady (forget her title) said when a child is diagnosed, usually one or both the parents will have it too. At the time, I thought of his dad, who I’m no longer with.

About three years earlier, after the birth of my second child, I was first told I was depressed and was given antidepressants. Later when they didn’t help I went to a mental health clinic thing and was diagnosed with Bipolar. I don’t even know which type but I knew it was wrong. They gave me meds. Didn’t help but made me sleepy and zombie-like all the time. I researched it and it made no sense, but when researching that I found BPD and convinced myself it was that, because it sounded close to what I experienced. Not exact but close enough, so what else would it be, right? My next appointment I told them they were wrong and I didn’t have bipolar but bpd. He said ‘I believe you’ and I was given more meds. Didn’t help. I stopped taking them when I fell pregnant again and I never went back on any medication for my mental health. I’ve been generally stable in my mental health anyway, just the lows and big lows (but over soon) and my mood can change very quickly.

Over the years I did more research in order to better understand ADHD and my kid and wouldn’t you know, I could relate to a lot of this stuff. Particularly the way it manifests in girls and women. Naturally I started to have suspicions but I kept it to myself and kept researching.

Over the past couple of years I became pretty convinced I had ADHD but I felt like a total imposter telling people about it at first. This year I started actually discussing the possibility with people. I wanted to get diagnosed but at the moment general practitioners aren’t referring people unless they are in crisis (and you can’t just say you’re in crisis when you have children). Luckily, I came into a bit of money and was able to go private.

I couldn’t see a psychiatrist due to them being so overloaded at the moment, especially the ones that specialise in adult ADHD. I guess so many people are realising that it fits them and going for assessment. So they had me see a psychologist, who can diagnose but can’t prescribe medication.

My first appointment was her verbally asking me the questions on three different scales/tests and me not being able to do yes or no answers because context is important. I didn’t get a diagnosis that day, because she had to score my tests.

Days later she told me she needed to speak to either my partner or one of my parents to see more about what I was like. My partner, despite being diagnosed as a kid doesn’t really believe how ADHD impacts people and my dad wasn’t in my life much so my mum it was. We did an hour long zoom call where she asked mum questions about me as a child and now and then I waited. And waited… she told me I needed to fill out one more scale that someone else would be emailing me. I didn’t get it but figured they were busy. A week later after obsessively checking my inbox I finally told my psychologist I hadn’t received it and she said it was sent a week prior… I hadn’t received it. So they sent it again, I filled it out, and about a week later she emailed me to tell me my assessments were all in line with a diagnosis of ADHD. So now, I just have to see a psychiatrist when one is available so they can look into medication options with me.

I have said the words ‘I have ADHD’ only once since then, in my car, by myself. I have told people but I haven’t said it out loud, I’m still dealing with imposter syndrome. But I’m starting to realise all the weird shit I’ve always done or hated or whatever is because I’m actually fucking neurodivergent. And you know what, I’m so glad I know now because I spent 32 years thinking and being told I was weird and I have never loved any of those things about myself but I’m slowly starting to accept my weird traits because other people have them too. I’m not alone! It was ADHD all along!

[iateyourwaffles]

Hey. I haven’t been here for a while. Almost for about half a year, I think. I’m sorry. My mental health hasn’t been very well since sometime around late last year, as well as my physical health. I’m sorry for disappearing for a while. I’ve been having lots of physical pain and d/ental pain since late last year, around the holidays. I had lots of appointments for d/octors and d/entists and such throughout early this year during winter. After that though, I was still in pain, I went back to my d/entist and they said that I had to go see a specialist. I went to see one, had to go to a big hospital, and I was diagnosed with a muscular joint issue which affects the face and mouth. I have to live with it, unfornately, but my specialist said that there’s ways to treat it, like to help ease the pain. Also I have to go through a clea/ning next month, and I’m a bit worried, cause my mouth, jaw, and t/eeth are usually always in pain, and my t/eeth are sensitive due to my joint issues. I would like to get it worked though, cause I drink coffee and tea often, and I have some v/isible stains that are quite hard to clean. I have been having anxiety and been worrying a lot about my t/eeth and bones and such ever since I have been diagnosed with this issue. I can hardly eat these days and sometimes it’s hard to open my mouth too wide. I may also have a nerve issue but I need to go to a certain d/octor for that.

 Now days, I have been trying to avoid getting too worked up. I get stressed easily and upset easily. I was diagnosed with emotional disorder when I was very young, so I cry easily and such. I’m also autistic. I get a bit overwhelmed at times and I let stuff get to me. I got upset a while back, cause I was treated like a k/id, and I personally don’t like that too much, cause I’m an adult. I don’t mind being called a ‘k/id’, by much older adults though. I just don’t really like being treated like one. I do a lot though cause of the way I act, and the stuff I like, and there’s s/imple things I don’t understand at times. I got a bit upset, and it made my face and jaw hurt a lot. Once I calmed down and had some soup, it settled, though. I feel like when I eat or drink something warm, it helps eases the p/ain a bit. 

My specialist said that I should wear a mouth g/aurd. I tried, but the instructions were hard for me to understand. I tried a bunch of p/ain r/elievers but they didn’t really do much. My specialist p/rescribed me some rexlaxers and they help, and make me sleep, lol. But I have to eat cause sometimes they make me get sick. The last time I went was about a month ago, and they said they wish there was something they could do, but they said I have to go to a different d/octor that specializes in what I have. It’s hard to find one that will ac/cept me. I might have to go to one in the b/igger c/ity somewhere. Also a while after that, I had to stay in my h/ouse for about a week cause one of my family members got s/ick. They are okay now and fully recovered, which is good, cause I was worried. My b/rother gets sick easily and has been sick when he was growing up, so I was worried about him a lot. I’m glad he’s okay. 

So, yeah. I have been going through quite a lot since around the holidays late last year. However, some good things have happend though. My b/rother’s partner adopted a kitten. That and I was a top ra/nk score during an in game e/vent in one of the games I play. I got a t/100 t/itle, which I thought was pretty cool. It made me kinda happy, since I usually don’t really achieve anything. I k/now it’s not much, but as a fan it made me happy. I’m also not very good at games, lol. I also got a few plushies of a character I like. The plushies hasn’t been in the mail yet, but I’m patiently waiting for them to arrive. I also want to cosplay as my favorite character again this year for fall. I haven’t got the costume yet, but I will soon. 

I’m a bit nervous about my next appointment at the d/entist for cleaning, but maybe I’ll be alright. A part of me says I will. I’ve been a bit worried about it that I get b/ad dreams sometimes and I fi/nd it hard to sleep. 

So, that’s what’s been happening. Sorry, for not being here for about h/alf a y/ear. 

[actuallyintro]

Could you write a story where Lorraine faints on a case?

Hi anon! I'm so glad to be back and to have this written for you. When I first started this fic, it started one direction before quickly turning in a completely opposite one. It also ended up being a topic I haven't had the chance to write about much, even though it's pretty popular in this fandom. I hope you enjoy it!

Summary: While on a case one day, Lorraine suddenly faints and ends up waking up in the hospital. Once there, with her husband by her side, they both get some pretty unexpected.. but exciting news.

Wordcount: 1730 words (yes, this was definitely longer than I had originally planned)

Two Is Better Than One

For the past few days, Ed couldn’t help but be worried about his wife. He knew they’d recently started taking on more cases then they had been, but something seemed different. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

They were in the middle of a local case this time, a poltergeist that didn’t seem to want to leave, no matter what they tried. With a family caught in the middle, Ed knew Lorraine wouldn’t stop till she knew all of them were safe.

He often worried that she’d run herself ragged, always worrying about everyone else in her life, forgetting that sometimes she needed to put herself first. He knew it was her nature, being caring and selfless, but Ed just wanted to make sure she never forgot to take care of herself as well.

From the time they started dating, to before they got married, and especially after, he often tried to set aside time just for the two of them. A time with no dangers, no worries, but the chance to just be together. To take care of each other.

While he was worried about Lorraine, he also knew he trusted her judgement. Trusted that she knew her limits, and just how hard she could push herself. He never wanted to undermine that, to show he didn’t. Their relationship was built on trust, it was one of the most important things to both of them. They trusted each other with their lives, at times, it seemed like they trusted each other more than they trusted themselves.

“Ed, can you hand me a flashlight?” He vaguely heard, snapping out of his daydream, refocusing on the current task at hand.

Nodding quickly, he grabbed the extra flashlight, handing it over to her. She looked up at him, concern evident before asking, “Are you alright?”

“Sorry yeah, I’m alright.” He said quickly, Lorraine glancing him up and down, before turning the flashlight on, going back to the task at hand.

She swallowed lightly, as she crawled into one of the crawl-spaces of the house, not quite sure what she was looking for, just hoping she would know once she found it. Lorraine had felt slightly nauseous the last few days, chalking it up to a random bug going around or not drinking enough water. Being in the type of situations she often was, it wasn’t unlikely to catch a cold or to feel under the weather. It came with the job, even if the job was.. unusual.

As she crawled around, she found nothing to help them solve the case they were working on, nothing that helped answer the questions they were trying to solve.

“Find anything Lorraine?” She heard Ed call from above ground.

“No, nothing. But I’m coming back up.” Lorraine said, crawling back the same way she did, when she’d entered the crawl-space. She crawled until she finally saw light peaking through the cracks of the basement, standing up a little too quickly as she made it outside.

She swallowed again as she stood up, suddenly not feeling well. The world seemed like it was spinning, a type of motion she couldn’t control.

Suddenly, before she knew it, the world went dark. Ed’s voice calling for her, being the last thing she heard, before she heard complete silence.

--

Lorraine awoke a few hours later to a faint beeping noise and the feeling of someone else’s hand in her own. Blinking a few times, she looked around the room, connecting that she was currently in a hospital bed, her husband sat next to her.

He had his eyes closed, and she could see a faint tear-track down his face. Frowning slightly, trying to remember exactly what happened, she squeezed his hand as she looked over at him.

Ed quickly opened his eyes, swallowing lightly as he let out a small sigh of relief, looking back at Lorraine, grateful to see her eyes open again.

Neither one of them knew what to say right-away, Ed was still slightly shaken up from watching her faint, knowing that he couldn’t do anything. Lorraine, knowing something wasn’t right, that she shouldn’t have passed out just from standing up too fast.

“Have.. the doctors said anything?” She finally asked quietly, looking down at the IV still in her arm.

Ed shook his head, “They stopped by once when you were still asleep.. mentioning they ran a few tests but they haven’t been back since.” He told her, still feeling nervous about her test results, lightly blaming himself inside for not taking better care of her. Not telling her to rest more or to drink more water.

As if she could hear what he was thinking, she said seriously, “Ed, you know this wasn’t your fault. Please don’t blame yourself.” If it had been under any other circumstances, Ed might have let out a small chuckle, her always knowing what he was thinking. The way neither of them had ever been able to keep things to themselves.

Before he could respond, they both heard a knock at the door, turning to find the doctor on call. They both turned their attention to the door as the doctor walked in. She seemed young but determined, a small nametag on her lab coat, “Dr. Novak.”

“Mrs. Warren, we’re glad you’re awake. How do you feel?” The doctor asked, flipping open Lorraine’s chart, as she made a few notes of her vitals.

“I feel alright… as one does when they accidentally faint.” She started, the doctor letting out a small chuckle under her breath, nodding in understanding.

“But did my test results come back?” Lorraine finished, looking up at the doctor. She just wanted to make sure everything was fine, that she wasn’t sick.. or hurt.

“That’s actually why I stopped in. First to check on you now that you’re awake, making sure you weren’t in too much pain. And to discuss your test results.” Pulling a chair up to both of them, she flipped open her lab results, giving them a glance over once more.

She looked back up at both of them before she started explaining, “To start, all of your basic results came back normal. Your labs looked great, and you seem to be very healthy. That’s very good news.” The doctor told both of them, immediately noticing the look of relief on both of their faces.

“But why did she faint?” Ed asked curiously, relieved his wife was healthy, but still curious what caused this to happen. Especially if her labs came back normal.

Flipping to the next page of her notes, “That’s the second thing I wanted to talk to you about. Once those results came back, we ran one more just to make sure, a suspicion if you will.” She began, a small smile on her face.

Lorraine squeezed Ed’s hand tightly as they waited for the doctor to finish speaking, finding comfort in her husband just being there, being next to her.

“Mrs. Warren, with the last test we ran, we found that your hormone levels were slightly elevated. This alone wouldn’t cause you to faint, but as we tested further, we found the cause. Congratulations Mrs. Warren, you’re expecting.” She told them both, giving them time to process.

Lorraine looked over at Ed, before looking back at the doctor, “I’m pregnant?” She questioned quietly, wanting to make sure she didn’t misunderstand.

“You are. We don’t know exactly how far along you are, but I’d suspect somewhere around 7 weeks. That’s why you’ve been feeling nauseous and dizzy recently. I’d recommend making an appointment with an obgyn, a specialist as soon as possible but based on what I can tell, both you and the baby are perfectly healthy.” The doctor finished, before saying,

“Now I’ll leave you both alone for a few minutes, before I'll send a nurse in with some information for both of you and discharge paperwork to get all three of you home.” She finished, shaking both of their hands lightly as she excused herself from the hospital room, letting the hospital door shut behind her.

Leaving the two of them, Lorraine looked over at her husband, a few tears in her eyes. They weren’t sad tears, she could never be sad over news like this, but rather tears of happiness and the promise of new beginnings.

“Oh Lorraine..” Ed started quietly, getting up and carefully sitting at the edge of her bed, just wanting.. needing to be near her.

She moved over as far as she could, not wanting to tangle the wires still connected to her, but wanting him to lay by her. She wanted to be in his arms, knowing that was the place she felt the safest.

Sitting in silence for a few minutes, Lorraine finally spoke, “I can’t believe… we’re going to be parents.” She said quietly, looking over at him.

“I can’t believe it either, but I know you’re going to make the most excellent mother. And I love you.. and our baby very much.” He told her sincerely, leaning down to kiss her lightly, not wanting her to strain too much after what happened. She grabbed his hand and rested it on-top of hers.

“I love you too. Both of you.” Lorraine said sleepily, before letting out a small yawn. Ed chuckled quietly at her reaction, knowing she was still exhausted from today’s events.

“Why don’t you get some sleep before we get to go home. You and the baby need rest now more than ever.” Even though they’d only found out they were expecting barely a few minutes, he couldn’t help but be slightly excited about this news. Of course, he was terrified as all first-time parents were, but he’d always wanted a family, especially with Lorraine.

Lorraine nodded before asking quietly, “Stay with us?” Not wanting him to move away from her.

“Always, I’ll always stay with both of you.” He said quietly, moving as close to her as could, being mindful of her IV as she let her head fall into the curve of his neck. “And once you’re awake, we can discuss you taking it easy, resting more.” He teased, knowing she couldn’t hear him.

But that was a conversation for a different time. For now, he’d let her sleep, enjoying the quiet of all of them together, especially the one they just found out about.