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ghostlynachopanda · 2 years ago

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Kiss

a/n: the wifi in my apartment has been out for 3 days?? I'm gonna throw hands with management stg. I wrote this at 4am this time so it might suck but we get jealous Wednesday and a first kiss. Enjoy this one pals, especially you Alex.

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x reader

words: 2.2k

~~~

Wednesday woke up to the sounds of heavy rain against the large window in her dorm. She could feel the cold seeping through the window and biting at her skin when she removed her blanket. To her surprise and satisfaction, Enid was already gone. Today, Wednesday took her time getting ready. There were no noises disturbing the morning silence or stopping her from enjoying the morning chill. When Wednesday was ready, she headed down to breakfast. Intending to join you, even if you’re not fully awake.

Wednesday scans the dining hall, and it doesn't take long to spot you in your usual seat. This time, you have company: Enid. Wednesday tries not to let it bother her, there's no reason you can't hang out with Enid. You're friends, after all.

But, Enid was sitting in Wednesday's spot, and that makes her pause. Enid was sitting closer than Wednesday normally would, talking to you animatedly about something Wednesday couldn't hear. You were smiling and laughing along with whatever mindless things Enid was saying. Your attention was fully on Enid and whatever unintelligent things she was saying. It made Wednesday's chest tighten with something she was unfamiliar with.

Wednesday doesn't like it, not one bit. Wednesday quickly makes her way to the two of you, finally making her presence known. You notice her first.

"Oh, good morning Wednesday," you said, voice light and a little breathy. Wednesday's eyes settle on your figure, taking in your relaxed posture. You take her in too,

"Howdy roomie, sleep well?" Enid asks.

"Enid, have you eaten breakfast yet?" Wednesday asks next.

"Not yet, I was a little busy-"

"Go get it." Wednesday snapped, eyes not leaving you. Both of you missed the knowing smile on Enid's face

"Sure! Either of you want anything while I'm up?" she asks, schooling her features while standing.

"If I need anything I'll get it myself, thank you though" you answered gently, once again, turning your attention to her.

"Alright, Wednesday?"

Wednesday clenches her jaw, her voice tight with irritation, "No."

With that, Enid walked towards the long line of students waiting for their breakfast. You softly sighed in relief, Enid was extra enthusiastic this morning. You looked down for a moment, just to gather some energy before addressing Wednesday.

"Sorry about that, she kind of just showed up," you said tiredly, before looking up to meet her gaze. Wednesday hasn’t moved from her spot, just staring at you. After a beat, she moves to the spot Enid previously occupied; moving to sit just as close, it surprised you.

“Wednesday?” you asked softly, so gently it made the squeezing in her chest loosen just slightly. Wednesday decides no one else gets the privilege of hearing how soft your voice can get.

“You are to stay by my side the rest of the day.” she proclaimed, surprising you even more.

“But that’s not-” you tried to reject that idea, but Wednesday was not having that.

“It’s the weekend, there are no classes. You can spend the rest of the day with me without further issues.” you look at her face closely, seeing satisfaction cross her features for a fraction of a second before going back to her deadpan look.

You want to laugh at the absurdity of the demand, at how it makes you feel. You and Wednesday spend a lot of time together already, but hearing her say it out loud is hilarious. Does she not realize just how much time you spend together?

All you can manage is a small smile and a breathy laugh, unconsciously leaning into her. Causing her to look at you, eyes softening but also showing confusion. She doesn't understand why you're laughing. Before you could answer Enid comes back pouting, "Hey guys! Sorry, that took so long, the line was really long. They didn’t have any good things left,"

Your attention snaps away from Wednesday, and embarrassment colors your cheeks; you hadn't realized how close you and Wednesday were. Sitting up straight, you clear your throat before speaking, "It’s alright, the line looked long from here."

Enid sits down across from you, in her rightful spot Wednesday notes. She isn't sure why Enid seems so relentless in talking to you today. She watches the two of you converse; Wednesday watches how you put more space between the two of you, leaning more to your other side. You look tired, your eyes slightly drooping but still managing to be fully in your conversation with Enid. Her name pulls her from her thoughts, "Wednesday, you should go get some breakfast before they run out." Enid said.

"I'm not interested in mediocre-" you cut Wednesday off.

"You should eat something. You'll get hungry before lunch if you don't," you say gently. Wednesday is taken aback, she didn’t know you knew that about her.

"You need to eat too," Wednesday replies. She watches as you shake your head lightly, "I'm okay, I'm not too hungry right now. Go get something before they close the line down,"

Wednesday releases a sharp exhale, not liking how soft your voice is; at least in front of Enid. She doesn't like how it affects her either. Wednesday looks at you sharply, "Fine, but I'm getting you one thing and you will eat it. Understand?" she leaves before you can answer though.

You watch her stomp to the, now, empty line of students. Once Wednesday is out of earshot Enid asks, "Soo, have you guys kissed yet?" causing you to choke on air.

"What kind of question is that?" you cough out, cheeks promptly turning a deep red. You're fully awake now, "Enid, you can't just ask someone that question out of nowhere."

"We're practically besties, so I can. Now answer my question! I wanna know everything!" she says animatedly, a teasing glint in her eyes, watching you look down bashfully. Enid is fully aware you two haven't kissed. She just wants to put the idea in your head.

Your mind goes through every interaction you've had with Wednesday. Truthfully, kissing hadn't crossed your mind, too busy enjoying being with Wednesday to consider something that intimate. You're not even sure Wednesday would consider that,, kissing you. Now looking back on it, there had been ample opportunities to do so. Realizing this made the redness in your cheeks spread to your ears and neck, making Enid laugh.

Wednesday comes out of the line to see this; your head is down and everything from the neck up is red, blushing, and Enid looks to be ruthlessly teasing you. The scene causes something to burn inside her chest. Wednesday dislikes it, everything about it. What had Enid said to make you that red? Her feet are moving before she can comprehend it.

The sound of a tray loudly hitting the table startles you and Enid. Wednesday scans the table, you're still avoiding eye contact and Enid is sending her a proud smile. That smile irks Wednesday for an unknown reason. She reclaims her appropriate spot next to you before wordlessly sliding an apple in front of you.

Wednesday watches you silently take the apple and start eating it, whatever Enid has said to you is still affecting you. Wednesday despises the effect Enid has on you; she's glaring at Enid before she can think about it. All Enid does is send her a smirk and a wink before walking off, irritating Wednesday even more.

The rest of breakfast is blissfully quiet, aside from the quiet chewing from both you and Wednesday. Both of your thoughts are racing, both for different reasons. Your thoughts consist of what it would be like to kiss Wednesday, trying to desperately push that thought out so you can act somewhat normal. Her thoughts stuck on what Enid had done to make you react that way and how she, herself, could get you to react that way.

After finishing breakfast Wednesday stands quietly and offers her tray to put your trash on. Once the core of the apple settles next to her trash she walks to the nearest trashcan. You take a breath and shake your head, gathering what little thoughts you have. When Wednesday comes back you look at her and nod, signaling you're ready to leave.

Both of you are making your way through the doors of the dining hall when someone calls for you, "Hey cutie! You got any plans? I was gonna go hang out with Enid and the group later if you wanna join," both of you and Wednesday turn around to find Yoko.

You stupidly point at yourself, she laughs exuberantly in response and walks closer to you two. When she's close enough she wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you away from Wednesday and into her own personal space. It infuriates Wednesday, and the fire in her chest grows warmer. Before you can politely decline the invitation Wednesday barks out, "We already have plans,"

Yoko raises an eyebrow, "Oh yeah, like what? Sitting around and reading a boring old book? Doesn’t sound that entertaining to me," she refutes, antagonizing Wednesday.

"Don't be surprised if there's another garlic incident," Wednesday replies sharply, grabbing your hand and dragging you away. Completely missing Yoko shiver, turn to Enid, and whisper, "Please don’t make me do that again. I might actually die.."

The walk to the dorm was quick, not once did Wednesday let go of your hand. Her grip tighten halfway through when yet another person called out for you. She had no intention of letting anyone steal your attention away from her so she kept walking. When you both reached her room, she all but pushed you inside and closed the door harshly.

Wednesday took a few calming breaths before turning around to speak, "I didn’t realize you were so popular"

"yeah, I didn’t either," you reply, a laugh mixed with a sigh. You were tired, all these interactions so early in the morning were draining.

"Don’t-" Wednesday starts but quickly cuts herself off. She sharply exhales, miffed by how this whole situation affected her. She had no idea what she was feeling but she knew she didn’t like you being casually touched or someone else making you blush.

"Wednesday, are you okay?" you ask carefully, gently. It's something only Wednesday should get to hear, no one else should get the privilege — the pleasure. She decides no one else gets to have you the way she does, not in any capacity.

"What were you and Enid talking about earlier?" she asks, ignoring your concerns. She watches as your face turns red again, the burning sensation in her chest threatens to engulf her.

"She was just teasing me about tripping the other day," you lie through your teeth, hoping it’s a reasonable excuse. It's not, Wednesday sees right through it. She takes methodical steps towards you, hoping you don’t notice the fire in her eyes; hoping you don’t step away, you don’t, you never would. She's close now, close enough to feel her breath on your skin.

"You’re lying to me," she says evenly, not offended in the slightest. She watches your eyes travel every inch of her face, your attention fully on her, and the fire in her chest subsides slightly.

She watches your breath hitch, eyes landing on her lips more often than anything else on her face. Wednesday realizes then what the burning feeling was — jealousy. The burning acidity of jealousy that came with the thought of sharing you with someone else, the thought of losing you. No, she can't have that; no one else can have you.

"Look at me," she said quietly, not wanting to scare you away. She watches you tear your gaze away from her lips to look into her eyes. She sees something in your eyes, something akin to adoration and devotion. The same look is reflected in her own eyes. She likes that look in your eyes, she decides.

You hold eye contact, holding your breath; too afraid to disrupt the still air. Wednesday moves first, grabbing the collar of your shirt and dragging your lips to hers. It's not what you imagined your first kiss would be like, but the kiss emits overwhelming emotion. Both of you close your eyes to revel in the feeling. The feeling of her lips grazing yours is heavenly, nothing short of perfect.

You reach out to grab her jaw and the back of her neck, keeping her from leaving. Wednesday didn’t realize just how much she wanted this, needed to kiss you. Neither of you is sure how much time had passed, but it hasn't been long enough. Her lips unintentionally tremble with the overwhelming emotions she feels. You pull back then, afraid you went too far.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away-" you rushed out, moving to let go and step back but you're cut off.

"Again," Wednesday demands, reaching to pull you back, not ready to have your lips part from hers. Even as close as you are, it's not close enough. She wants to feel your body against hers and feel your lips on hers. She sees you smile before connecting your lips to hers.

Wednesday decides then that she doesn't want to live without the feeling of your lips on hers. She wants to make it a daily occurrence, wants to make it part of her daily routine. She could see herself becoming addicted to this feeling.

Wednesday has always been repulsed by her parent's displays of affection, but if this is how it feels then maybe she understands.

tags:@alexkolax @rainbow-love4ever @o638

#wednesday addams #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x reader #enid sinclair #yoko tanaka

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mara-tevith-solo · 2 years ago

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One Enchanted Evening

Just a little Adam Warlock fluff. This MFer restarted my Will Poulter era and I stg... man’s too good for this world

Pairing: Adam Warlock x Ex-Avenger/ Guardian!Reader

Warnings: It’s fluff, mentions of drinking, Blurp being adorable, flirting, established relationship, making out

Rating: 18+

Words: 1.1k+

"C'mon Y/n! Let's go get pretty boy wasted for the first time! Drax, Nebula, and some of the others will be there!" Rocket called from the front door, sounding way too enthused with his little side quest as Adam smiled brightly, and innocently, beside him.

"I can't, I have to take over for Ullette tomorrow; her daughter is coming for a visit." You apologized with a breathy laugh, shaking your head at the two. "Don't poison yourself, Rocket. I'm betting a quarter mil that his alcohol tolerance is about as good as Steve's."

"I'll take you up on that bet!" He laughed with pride and little foresight.

"Who's Steve?" Adam asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. There wasn't any jealousy there, just pure curiosity.

"He was one of Y/n's Super Soldier Earth pals, worked on the same team together for over a decade, stopped the world from ending a few times, we all reversed the Snap together about three years back. Good guy. Was hung up on a broad he used to know."

"What's a broad?"

"Its a term for a woman, though it's not so respectful. Y'all better get going before Drax pre-games too hard."

"Alright alright, I'll keep lover boy out of trouble, swearsies."

Adam shifted on his feet, looking at Rocket's retreating form before looking at you like a puppy who didn't know which way to go. You placed your hands on his chest, the fabric of his t-shirt soft under your palms as you raised up onto your tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek "Don't let them drink too much. Last time a challenge like this happened, Drax had to have his stomach pumped."

"Should I be worried? Because I'd be more than happy to just stay home with you and we could finish that show and--"

"It'll be fine, Adam. Go have fun with the others. I'll still be here when you come back." You smiled teasingly before pushing him the rest of the way out the door, Rocket's crossed arms and exasperated expression in your peripherals, shaking his head at the two of you.

"Don't have too much fun without me." He finally conceded with a cheeky wink before turning and making to leave with the Raccoon.

As soon as the door closed, Blurp let out a soft little whine, making you turn back towards him with a small pout that turned into a frown as soon as you saw the sadness on his little face, the worry in his eyes that was always there whenever Adam left without him. You swooped up the little fuzzball and nuzzled your face against his "Oh, come on fluff, you can help me make some ice cream sundaes for us." You hummed as you began dancing to a phantom melody only you could hear, his eager agreements nearly busting him loose from your arms. You laughed as you set him on the counter, motioning for him to sit and stay while you went for ingredients.

It wasn't the first time the two of you had done the late night treat, the F'saki watching as you began making two bowls, his topped with Orloni jerky with strawberry sauce while yours was just a simple vanilla with hot fudge sauce. He was vibrating with anticipation as you picked up both bowls and began leading the charge back to the living room, being careful to not trip you on the way. He'd done it once, and only once. He'd gotten too excited and had zipped over your foot while you were beginning to take a step, resulting in you faceplanting into the hard wood covered cement floors, breaking your nose in the process. He'd felt so bad about it, and hadn't zipped anywhere near your feet since. He sat by the couch, tall and pretty as he waited for you to put his bowl down "There ya go, buddy. Enjoy!" You giggled softly as he dug in with a happy chirp. You curled up on the couch to enjoy yours. Afterwards, you didn't bother with the dishes, suddenly too exhausted, laying down just a bit to nap until Adam returned. Blurp was all too happy to join you, cuddling up on your stomach with happy little purrs, falling asleep well before you did.

"Y/n!" Adam's whispered shout pulled you out of a light doze, still curled up on the couch with Blurp, an excited Adam leaning over you both. Blurp didn't even flinch, just grumbling softly in his sleep as he curled up tighter, much like a sleepy, disgruntled cat. "Sorry!" He giggled, still whisper shouting "I figured it out!"

"Figured what out, handsome?" You hummed groggily, smiling sleepily up at the golden man who was smiling ear to ear at the endearment, a dreamy gleam in his eyes.

"Drax helped me figure out why my chest burns whenever I think of you... and when I'm around you... when we're apart... any time you're even mentioned really. He said that's how he felt about his Ovette. He called it 'love'." Your heart skipped a beat, realizing where the conversation was going. "He said that I need to make sure you know how I feel about you, that you never doubt how much I love you. And then he cried... a lot... he's very drunk..."

Your heart felt like it was soaring as you reached up and cupped his cheek, your fingers then moving to trace his jawline and his chin. He moved down with you, like he didn't want you to stop touching him, an intoxicated warmth to his eyes that wasn't from the liquor. When your lips touched you could swear it was unlike any kiss before, it was electrifying to your very core, your very soul. It made your breath stutter as one of his hands planted firmly on the couch by your shoulder as the other gripped your hip. "I love you too, Adam." You murmured against his lips, your voice feather light, just for his ears. His kiss became hungry, devouring everything that you gave him like a man starved, some of his hair falling into your face, the tickling sensation making your toes curl and your heart splutter.

He almost closed the distance between you, but Blurp squeaked in protest on your stomach, almost pouting up at him like you'd both mortally betrayed him "Sorry Blurp. But I need to borrow my love." He was gentle as he picked up the F'saki, usurping him of his position. The fuzzy being only huffed and went to steal your bed. Adam didn't give you a moment to laugh at the situation, swallowing the sound eagerly as his tongue begged for entrance, his hard length making its presence well known against your thigh. He moaned loudly as your tongue came out to play with his, your hips bucking up into him, begging for friction "Y/n, oh gods." He moaned, giving you the perfect opportunity to kiss and nip at his neck.

#adam warlock x reader #adam warlock #cliffhanger #all the fluff

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corpsebasil · 1 year ago

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cant get over protective but slightly (slightly is a stretch) dark knight nikolai oh GOD

playing on the Grisha Disney princess power I mentioned in a previous post— VERH SHORT BUT JUST LOSTEN

Like imagine you’re dating a knight. Lets call him….idk. Kyle. HAHA

So this Kyle fellow is paranoid of Grisha. Sir Nikolai was around during the time that women were accused of being witches for their Grisha power SO, because you have that lovely Disney Princess Grisha power where you can speak to and befriend animals, your boyfriend is scared of you.

Meanwhile Nikolai dotes on you as much as he can. He isn’t afraid of your power—never has been—and if anything is completely enamored with the way you have deer, bunnies, and cute birds absolutely wrapped around your finger. You’re like a girl from a fairytale, you know? And he’s your brave knight.

At least he wants to be.

The day he found out that his fellow knight and your boyfriend was going to attempt to kill you—witchcraft is a horrible misconception for Grisha power—Nikolai has never ridden so fast to your adorable little cottage in his life.

You’ve barely gotten your glass of wine to your lips—you planned a romantic dinner complete with all of Sir Kyle’s favorites: roast lamb, baby potatoes, greens straight from the garden, fresh baked bread with butter, the whole nine yards—when your front door just slams open and Nikolai lunges for you.

Your shriek of surprise is enough time for him to yank your glass out of your hand, his nose immediately flying to the rim. Oh god. Then his head is turning slowly—so slowly—towards Sir Kyle, the other knight staring at his superior with a pale face.

“Drink it.” Nikolai says, offering the wine glass to the knight.

“I—Sir, I—”

“I said drink it. Did I fucking stutter?”

When it’s clear he won’t comply you’re beyond confused. Even more so when Nikolai grabs the man and makes him drink it, one hand prying his mouth open while the other works at his throat, triggering the muscles for him to swallow.

Works every time.

But then.

But then Sir Kyle is gagging and shaking, foaming at the mouth as whatever poison he put into your drink kicks in. Nikolai immediately has you by the arms, holding you to him, ignoring your gasping and shocked cries for help.

“He tried to kill you.”

“You don’t know that—!”

“He wanted you dead, Y/N.” He’d grab your face harshly in one hand and force you to look at him. “You’re telling me that being able to talk to bunnies is an excuse to kill you? Look around, Y/N.” He’d grip your chin harder and force you to acknowledge the weapons and religious memorabilia your boyfriend had stored around the cottage.

Nikolai forced you to realize your boyfriend had tried to kill you. The same man that had insisted that your gift for whispering to birds is creepy and—

Hold on.

Imagine one morning Nikolai is planning to visit you (how could he not, you’re the sweetest girl he’s ever met) and he sees you reading a fairytale to about six baby deer. They’ve got their heads on your lap, your legs, cuddled up against you, your powers allowing them the ability to understand as you rub their velvet ears and giggle whenever they nibble at your dress. So freaking cute I stg.

Nikolai knows you aren’t some evil witch. He cares about you so much you don’t even know it.

But when he sees you crying over a man that tried to kill you he has no patience left. He’s digging his fingers into your cheeks and staring down at you—his love—and insisting this was the only way.

Sure enough, weeks later, you’re sitting on the ground in the forest.

Omg WAIT—DRABBLE—

You’re sitting alone, one hand running over the snoozing fawn that’s head is in your lap as you relax in the meadow, surrounded by trees and flowers as you enjoy the forest. The mother of the baby deer lays just beside you, her nose touching your leg as she dozes in the Sun.

You love these animals more than your fellow humans at this point.

The knowledge that your former lover tried to poison you is hard to ignore. You’d trusted him—loved him—and he’d wanted to kill you all because of superstition.

Not Nikolai.

You heard the sound of footsteps and looked up to see Sir Nikolai, Captain of the guard, walking slowly towards you with a basket in hand. These days the animals barely react to him. At first they’d needed lots of reassurance; since he couldn’t understand them as you could this resulted in lengthy debates over your safety, knights in general, and whether they’d be killed for sport. You’d assured them that no, they’d be fine.

So now the baby deer is snoring softly, it’s head on your thigh, your fingers trailing gently over its ears as you smile at Nikolai. He’s so sweet. So sweet. He asked you to try to teach him to talk to animals but you explained it was a skill somehow woven into your DNA. He laughed every time dozens of small birds landed on his shoulders. He grinned when your deer friends nudged him with their heads, earning boyish laughter from the knight.

He was so sweet with them.

And with you.

He sits beside you now, chin propped casually upon your shoulder as you read the story aloud. Even though your cheeks are pink and hot you continue, barely flinching when he reaches out to run his fingers through your soft, silky hair. It’s long now at this point—long and woven with flowers. When he leans in to breathe in the scent of one you pause, turning your face to look at him.

He’s so close.

God.

His grin is so utterly attractive you find yourself smiling back, one hand on the fawn’s head as you pause your story. The only reason why he doesn’t kiss you is the irritated noise the deer makes, it’s little head lifting to shoot an almost annoyed look at Nikolai.

You smile.

“They’re impatient.” You explain, tickling the fawn’s head. It’s mother is nudging your thigh with her head, making a small noise of complaint. “Such sweet creatures. You know they—”

You’re cut off when he kisses you, one hand touching your face as he leans in, pouring all of his love and devotion into the single gesture.

Of course you respond.

How could you not?

STOPPP NIKOLAI WITH BABY DEER RUNNING AROUNF HAS ME GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET

#shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #wattpad #nikolai x reader #shadow and bone imagine #fluff #knight nikolai lantsov #sir nikolai lantsov #sir Nikolai

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smuttyhoneyposts · 1 month ago

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Hi there! How's going? ^^ i was wondering if you could write a smut Mondo x Fem!Reader (possibly with a shy attitude and her body being short and chubby) who someday out of the sudden reveals to him that she would try something new in bed? Like spanking,overstimulation or any other rough action(without exaggerating) could be good!

I don't know if you actually write for Mondo, so if ya really don't feel like you can do Kaito instead!

I hope it isn't too much, have a nice day! <33

HAHAHAHAHAHAA YESSSSS, I FUCKING LOVE THIS TYPE WITH MONDO!!!!

OF COURSE!!

AN- I love this, I lowkey was kinda a whore when it came to this man stg. Enjoy I did the best I could with this!! Life’s kicking me so I gave my best shot, once again so sorry for the wait!!!😭💀

⚠️MDNI⚠️ NSFW CONTENT⚠️

————————————————-

It was late afternoon at Hope’s Peak Academy, and the day had already begun to wind down. The golden rays of the setting sun filtered through the windows, casting warm light across the floor of the empty classroom where you and Mondo were sitting. The two of you often found refuge in quiet spots like this, away from the noise of your classmates and the chaos that surrounded the school.

Mondo sat across from you, his muscular arms crossed, a casual smirk tugging at his lips. He was always so confident, so sure of himself. It was one of the things that had initially drawn you to him, but now, as you sat there trying to find the courage to speak, that same confidence made your heart race in a different way.

You were shy by nature—soft-spoken and a little self-conscious about your body. Standing next to Mondo, who was tall, muscular, and exuded raw energy, you often felt small and uncertain. You were shorter than most of your classmates, with a curvier frame, and though Mondo had never made you feel anything less than beautiful, your insecurities still lingered. But there was something else on your mind today, something that had been building up inside you for a while now, and you couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“M-Mondo,” you stammered, your voice barely louder than a whisper as you twisted your fingers together nervously.

He tilted his head slightly, his dark eyes softening as he noticed the nervousness in your tone. “Yeah, babe? What’s up?”

You bit your lip, your heart pounding in your chest. The words were stuck in your throat, but you knew you had to say them. It was now or never. You glanced down at your lap, unable to meet his eyes as you spoke.

“I… I was thinking,” you began, your voice shaky. “I w-wanted to… try something new. You know, in bed.”

There was a brief moment of silence, and you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks, your entire face turning a shade of red that probably matched Mondo’s jacket. You kept your eyes fixed on your hands, too embarrassed to look up and gauge his reaction. What if he thought you were weird? What if this ruined the easy dynamic you had?

But Mondo, ever the straightforward guy, just blinked before his trademark grin spread across his face. “Oh yeah?” he asked, his voice laced with curiosity. He leaned forward slightly, resting his arms on his knees as he looked at you with interest. “What kinda ‘new’ are we talkin’ about?”

Your stomach fluttered at his reaction, a mixture of nerves and excitement bubbling up inside you. He wasn’t brushing you off or teasing you—he was genuinely interested. That gave you the courage to look up at him, though your face was still flushed.

“Well… I-I was thinking about trying something… rougher?” you admitted, your voice still soft but a little more confident now that you knew he was open to the idea. “Maybe… spanking, or, um… overstimulation?”

Mondo’s grin widened slightly, and he leaned back in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck. You could see a flicker of something dark and playful in his eyes, though his voice remained gentle when he spoke.

“Shit, really?” he said, a low chuckle escaping his throat. “Didn’t think you’d be into that kinda thing, but damn, I ain’t complainin’.”

Your heart raced even faster at his words, but there was something comforting about the way he reacted—like he wasn’t shocked, just pleasantly surprised. He leaned forward again, his voice dropping a bit as he asked, “You sure ‘bout this, babe? I mean, I know you’re shy ‘n all, but if it’s somethin’ you wanna try… we can totally do that. I just don’t wanna push ya into anything.”

You smiled nervously, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “Yeah, I… I think I’d like to try it. With you.”

Mondo’s expression softened at your words, and he reached out to gently cup your cheek with his rough, calloused hand. “You got nothin’ to worry about, alright? We’ll take it slow, make sure you’re feelin’ good. You trust me, right?”

You nodded, leaning into his touch. “I trust you, Mondo.”

Later that night, the two of you found yourselves back in his dorm room. The air was thick with anticipation, a mixture of nerves and excitement that hung between you like an electric charge. You were sitting on the edge of Mondo’s bed, your heart pounding in your chest as he stood in front of you, his intense gaze locked onto yours.

“You still good with this, babe?” Mondo asked, his voice low and reassuring. He could see the tension in your body, the way your hands trembled slightly as you gripped the edge of the bed.

You nodded, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. “Y-Yeah. I’m ready.”

Mondo’s eyes softened at your response, and he moved closer, gently tilting your chin up so you were looking at him. “Alright then. Just let me know if it gets too much, okay?”

He slowly guided you onto your stomach, his large hands trailing down your back in a soothing motion. You could feel the heat of his body behind you as he moved, his presence both comforting and exhilarating. His hand moved to your ass, squeezing gently, testing the waters.

“You sure you can handle this, short stuff?” he teased, though his voice was tinged with genuine concern. He always had a soft spot for you, despite his tough exterior.

You let out a nervous giggle, your body relaxing under his touch. “I can handle it, Mondo.”

He smirked at your response, his hand leaving your ass for a moment before coming down with a firm, playful smack. You gasped, the sensation sharp but not painful, and immediately your body reacted with a rush of heat.

“Fuck, you sound so cute when you make that noise,” Mondo muttered, his voice low and gravelly. He gave you another slap, this one a bit harder, and you moaned softly, your hips twitching beneath him.

His hands gripped your waist, pulling you back toward him as he pressed his hips against you, his erection obvious through his jeans. “You like that, huh?” he teased, his voice dark and filled with lust. “Never woulda guessed you’d be into somethin’ like this, but shit, it’s hot.”

You moaned again, your body arching beneath him as he continued to spank you, each strike sending a jolt of pleasure through you. Your mind was swimming with the sensation, the mixture of pain and pleasure overwhelming your senses.

But Mondo didn’t stop there. His hand moved between your legs, brushing against your already sensitive core. You gasped as his fingers pressed against your clit, rubbing slow, teasing circles that made your legs tremble.

“Let’s see how much you can handle,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “You said you wanted more, right? Let’s see if you can take it.”

His fingers worked you expertly, pushing you closer and closer to the edge, but just as you were about to come, he pulled away, leaving you whimpering in frustration.

“Aw, c’mon, don’t give me that look,” Mondo teased, smirking down at you. “You wanted overstimulation, right? So I’m gonna make sure you get exactly what you asked for.”

And with that, he pushed you over the edge again and again, driving you to the brink of pleasure only to pull you back, each time making you crave it more. By the time he finally let you come, your body was shaking, your mind lost in a haze of pleasure.

Mondo leaned down, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered, “You did so good, babe. You’re fuckin’ amazing.” Your body was trembling, still reeling from the waves of pleasure crashing through you. Every nerve in your body was on fire, your legs weak, your breath coming in ragged gasps. Mondo hadn’t let up, not until he saw you shuddering beneath him, your moans turning into broken cries as you came hard in his hands. Even now, his fingers lingered on your skin, brushing your thighs softly as if to coax the last bits of sensation from your overstimulated body.

“Shit, babe,” Mondo murmured, his voice thick with satisfaction as he sat back slightly, admiring the sight of you. His hand, which had been so rough before, now trailed gently along your lower back, soothing the spots where he had spanked you earlier. “You were fucking incredible.”

You could barely respond, your body still trembling as you collapsed onto the bed, your face buried in the pillow. Your heart was still racing, your mind a blur of pleasure and exhaustion, but there was a warm sense of satisfaction spreading through you. Mondo had pushed you to the edge, but you hadn’t expected it to feel so… good.

After a few moments, you managed to turn your head slightly, your eyes fluttering open to meet Mondo’s gaze. He was smirking, his chest still heaving as he caught his own breath. Despite his usual cocky demeanor, there was a softness in his eyes as he looked down at you, his hand now gently stroking your hair.

“How’re you feelin’?” he asked, his voice quieter now, more tender.

You managed a weak smile, your voice still shaky as you whispered, “I… I feel amazing.”

Mondo chuckled, his hand moving to cup your cheek as he leaned down, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead. “Good,” he muttered against your skin, his voice filled with a mix of pride and affection. “Didn’t go too hard on ya, did I?”

You shook your head slowly, your body still humming with the aftershocks of your orgasm. “No,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “It was… perfect.”

Mondo’s smirk widened slightly, though there was a glimmer of relief in his eyes. He always liked to act tough, but deep down, you knew he cared—maybe more than he let on. “Good girl,” he muttered, brushing his thumb gently over your cheek. “Knew you could handle it.”

He shifted slightly, his strong arms wrapping around you as he pulled you closer, his body heat enveloping you as you relaxed into his embrace. He was still radiating energy, the intensity of the moment still lingering between you, but now there was a calmness to him, a sense of satisfaction that came from knowing he had pushed you just far enough, without crossing any lines.

For a few moments, the two of you lay there in comfortable silence, your bodies pressed together, the rhythm of your breathing slowly syncing up as you both calmed down. Mondo’s hand never left your skin, his fingers tracing gentle patterns along your back, the sensation soothing in contrast to the roughness from earlier.

As the adrenaline began to fade, a small giggle escaped your lips, breaking the silence. Mondo raised an eyebrow, looking down at you with an amused expression. “What’s so funny?”

You blushed slightly, hiding your face in his chest as you muttered, “I just… I can’t believe I actually asked for that.”

Mondo laughed, the sound low and rough, but filled with warmth. “Hey, you’re braver than you think, babe,” he said, his hand coming up to ruffle your hair affectionately. “Takes guts to ask for what you want. And I’m damn glad you did.”

You smiled against his chest, feeling a wave of warmth spread through you at his words. It was true—before tonight, you would’ve never imagined having the confidence to ask for something like this. But with Mondo, you felt safe, felt like you could explore those parts of yourself without fear of judgment.

“Still,” you mumbled, your voice soft, “I didn’t know I’d like it so much.”

Mondo smirked, his hand moving to tilt your chin up so you were looking at him again. “Told ya I’d take care of you,” he muttered, his voice low and playful as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip. “And we ain’t done yet.”

Your eyes widened slightly at his words, your heart skipping a beat as you looked up at him. “W-We’re not?”

Mondo’s grin widened, a mischievous glint in his dark eyes as he leaned down, his breath hot against your ear. “Nah,” he whispered, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. “Now that I know what gets you goin’, babe, we’ve got a lot more fun to have.”

Your face flushed at the implication, but you couldn’t deny the excitement that bubbled up inside you. Even after everything you’d just experienced, the idea of more sent a fresh wave of heat through your body.

“But don’t worry,” Mondo added, his tone softening slightly as he kissed the side of your neck. “We’ll take it slow, make sure you’re feelin’ good. Always, alright?”

You nodded, your heart swelling with affection as you leaned into his touch. “Always,” you whispered back.

Mondo chuckled again, pulling you even closer, his strong arms wrapping around you protectively as the two of you settled back into the bed. The adrenaline had faded, leaving behind a comfortable warmth as you rested in his arms, your bodies entwined.

As your eyelids grew heavy, the last thing you heard was Mondo’s voice, low and soft, as he whispered, “You did good, babe. Real good.” And with that, you drifted off to sleep, safe and content in his embrace, knowing that with Mondo, you could explore anything, and he’d always be right there with you, every step of the way.

#smut #danganronpa smut #fiction #fanfic #mondo owada #dom x sub #mondo x reader #mondo x reader smut

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peaky-shelby · 2 years ago

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PSG don’t deserves Kylian, I hope he goes to Real there he’ll have real chances to win big titles.

ALRIGHT SIT DOWN, LETS HAVE A CHAT,,,

Today has been extra dramatic for me. So dramatic that instead of crying I'm laughing bc YK how it is when shit after shit happens and you just get immune.

Thank you for sending this ask because i can snap at PSG and release all my anger at them.

I wanna start of by saying that i love these man. Some more than others. Messi has been my idol, Neymar and Kylian are in my opinion two of the best players of our time. Kylian, specifically has a long future ahead of him, unless he messes it up for himself. Hakimi, kimpembe, Verratti, Ramos, Soler, Marquinhos, donnarumma,

ALL OF THEM are great.

ALL OF THEM are also PARIS SAINT GERMAIN.

Its not about PSG deserving its players. It's about the players HONORING THE FUCKING TEAM. you take Kylian out of the equation or Neymar or Messi and pretend they are above it and that's the first mistake right there.

Kylian IS PSG.

Therefore he is a part of the problem just like all the other players. And of course the problem is bigger than the players, we are seeing horrible management, coaching and strategy on every game and it's not just because of the players BUT WAIT A SECOND cause last 20 minutes of this match and they were oN FIRE. definition of if they wanted to they could. And I'm not talking about winning. IM TALKING ABOUT TRYING. I'm talking about working as a team on the field. GIVING US A GAME WORTH WATCHING. Because at the end of the day they are the ones kicking the ball. And YESSS if management doesn't get it's shit together, it makes it all so much harder for the players, but we have world class players that could be bringing home trophy after trophy and they are falling apart like Legos.

So for me "PSG doesn't deserve ________" does not stand. No matter if you are talking for Messi, ney or anyone else. Wether they like it or not they are wearing that goddamn uniform and until they take it off they need to act like it. I'd be happy to see Kylian in real Madrid, winning big titles but I'll root for that when the transfer happens. For now i need him and everyone else on that fucking shithead of a team to find a way to work together. Ramos and Hakimi can't be the only ones chasing the ball, while everyone else sits and watches. STG DUNNARUMMA WAS IN MORE CONTANT WITH THE BALL THAN ANY OF THE MIDFIELDERS AND DEFENDERS. HOW IS THAT FUCKING HAPPENING???

And honestly i have no idea why this is happening. We can make assumptions but we will never know. I just hope and pray that they'll fix it soon because I'm on my last straw.

For legal reasons i apologize to anyone that sent this ask. This was not pointed at you. I love you. I'm just so angry at them😭😭😭

#paris saint germain #psg #totally just took my issues out on them #neymar jr #kylian mbappe #psg vs bayern

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bunnyreaper · 1 year ago

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hello, anon with the boyfriend (can i dub myself 🍇? is that a thing i can do?) responding to both you and that other anon!

how does one like... can i get tmi real quick? wait we were talking about fingering this has got to be okay ignore me if not but like i've tried to mention stuff in the pasttttttt about like stuff that i like. especially dirty talk or god even just sounds in general because this man is extremely quiet and i've mentioned it a few times before and like other stuff too and i feel like it doesn't change ): like idk if i just wasn't saying it i guess seriously enough or convincing enough maybe?

how do you guys get the courage(? i think) to talk about that stuff? am i just dumb? especially when it comes to me like actually finishing because if i don't manage to finish before he does then i just... don't get to at all 🙃 like do you guys just full send it and it just works?

anyway sorry this is tmi but i need to change something soon i stg 😭

YOU ARE NOW GRAPES BABY!!

If you are mentioning that you're into something, what is his response? Does he say that it sounds good and never acts on it?

Because reading between the lines here, and I'm sorry, your bf sounds fucking selfish. It's hard to build that courage anyway, but especially so if you feel like your needs aren't the priority because you've been made to feel that way by a neglectful partner. I know he and your relationship will be multifaceted, but this is no bueno!

you need to sit him down properly and explain like "hey im sure this isn't what you intended but I feel X because of Y and I would appreciate if you did Z, does that sound good to you?"

Imma be real with you. Some men are lazy as fuck and settle for giving the bare minimum (yes everyone does it ofc but you know), my boyfriend is guilty of it sometimes too, and at this point in life I just have to stop giving a fuck. Like sometimes he'll say to me "I feel bad because I cum a lot more than you do." And i just say "Then put in the effort to make me cum?"

Bcs SOMETIMES you just gotta be blunt!!

AND look it's easy for me to give this advice but I find it so hard to take it myself, so I'm still there with you learning! Any input from anyone else is appreciated as always ❤️

#bunny mail #🍇

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incorretlynamedcambrianexplosion · 1 year ago

Text

Sit Still

First post on the side blog lets goo. Have this to chew on!

Ao3 Link

Summary:

Rain has a thing for Mountain roaming around without shoes, gets carried away during an innocent massage, and gets used as a drum kick for it.

AN:

I'd like to note that I use the word 'kit' in this only in reference to a drum kit, I do not intend for it to be read as age play in any shape of that. Like there's a part where he calls Rain his kit, and I mean that to be objectifying. Course, I can't control how you read it, but it was not my intention. Also I stg that I can write outside of smut, I have the greenhouse trio thing planned, and a Rain/Dew fic up my sleeve, just wait for it. Also to the bestie who I let read this as the reward for wrapping up our exam study lysm!!! Enjoy the finished thing.

Relationships: Mountain/Rain

Tags: Very light/mild foot fetish, stepping kink, mild objectification.

Many of the ghouls had little quirks. Dew had his affinity for the stage pyrotechnics, Phantom occasionally got lost too far in his own head that he didn't realize that he was sparking, Cumulus and Cirrus would gather to watch the storms, unknowingly making them worse with their energy. Mountain spent his fair time in the greenhouse, but the real eccentricity was his lack of footwear. He'd wander the halls in socks, or be just barefoot in more personal areas like the resident commons or the greenhouse.

Most of them never questioned it. Usually it was left to 'that's how he is', and everyone carried on as usual. The newer summons didn't question it, and older ones just tried to ignore it. Except Rain, who was currently laying on his bed as the other read through another thick book on horticulture, as if he didn't already scour the library for each volume twice. Rain's hands were prone to wandering when they laid together as they dug into deep knots in his calves from his daily work. They moved further down, Rain shifting to move himself in turn lower, and pressed the worn tendon to his ankle softly before taking Mountain's heel into his hand.

Mountain let out a hum as Rain pressed his thumb's knuckle into the worn muscle. Those fingers moved lower and lower, eventually Rain gave up on stretching his arm out inevitably just deciding to move to the foot of his bed. Thankfully, the mattress was long enough for him to accommodate both his body and Mountain's, even if Mountain was sitting with bent legs and half curled up by the headboard.

He held his foot between his thighs as he pressed his thumb into the tough tissue feeling the joints work and move inside. He pressed the balls of his feet, rubbing away aching pain from long hours of standing that he knew hurt the other's knees after enough time. Not to mention the fact that Mountain didn't wear shoes during practice, and that had to kill after the fourth song. Rain didn't mean to move his foot closer, but he wanted a better angle, and maybe if he angled it just right it would brush against-

"Whaddya think you're doing, Raincloud?" Mountain asked lifting his eyes from his book with a soft smile.

Rain lowered his head mumbling something out while moving his hands back to the top of his feet and away from himself. Just as he did so, Mountain pulled his foot back positioning it again a few inches away from him. His face warmed when Mountain stretched out, moving dangerously close to him as he unfurled his leg.

"Thought I'd help." He muttered stumbling through wordchoice. "I-uh."

"You could've just asked." Mountain stretched out making a display of it as he did so. He arched his feet pressing them down right down onto Rain.

He exhaled, clearly trying to keep his breathing steady even if he rocked up into the foot in a needy fashion. On more than one occasion, he had wandered over to Mountain's kit during a show just to watch him work. Not that he had any real clue about what made what sound on the damn thing, but he certainly liked watching him work his legs on the kick.

And Mountain knew that damn well, too.

"Get on the floor."

Rain was nothing if not good at following orders, evident by how he quickly scrambled to kneel on the floor below his mattress. Mountain closed his book, setting it to the side before moving to the edge of the bed and sitting up. His foot slowly moved up Rain's thigh from his knee before coming to rest on the seam of his jeans. He adjusted his foot position a few times, rolling it against Rain as he got comfortable.

"You always come wandering by my kit. Always trying to look through the cracks. Is this why? You wanted to know what it must be like." Mountain answered for him as Rain whined softly. "You just always wanted to see me work, didn't you?"

He pressed down gently increasing the pressure on that seam just to listen to how Rain whimpered and dug his claws into his own thighs to try and stop himself from rocking forward into it. Mountain smiled with a twisted idea as he started to gently bounce his foot, well less bouncing and more just varying the pressure of it to a beat only heard in his head.

Rain spread his thighs further and started to close his eyes to escape Mountain's attention, which clearly failed when hands found his curly, shaggy hair. His head was pulled up gently, and he could only be thankful that it wasn't by the horns. Apparently Mountain thought that stepping on him was enough pain for him.

"No. Look at me." Mountain instructed. "Want to hear what I'm thinking? Can you guess what I'm playing?"

He continued in silence for a few moments to allow Rain the chance to get his bearings. The other closed his eyes again thinking. He recognized this, it was the base of one of their songs, one that was heavy with deep rumbling kick.

"It's Cirice."

Mountain smiled and ran his fingers though his hair rewarding him by scratching his scalp. "Good boy."

Rain would've melted at that, if another stomp didn't send sparks up his spine and straighten him right back out with a sharp inhale. Mountain reached over the mattress fumbling a phone for a moment struggling to tap it a few times with his claws out. Either way, in a few moments he was turning up the volume and setting it on the desk close to Rain's head in the cramped room.

It played the song from the beginning, and Mountain adjusted his footing. Rain's eyes went wide as he caught his breath and untangled his claws from their spot tearing into his jeans.

"You ready? Now, I need you to sit perfectly still, okay? Can't have my kit moving around."

Rain nodded swallowing thickly. A wet spot already formed on the front of his jeans, and even if he couldn't see the dark denim, he could certainly feel it with every press of Mountain's foot. The tinny sound of the phone's small speakers rattled in his brain, telling him that in three seconds the drums would kick in and hard; Mountain would be following along for every beat.

He held his breath for those three notes and suddenly that foot came down. Rain whined almost flinching away from the harsh treatment but unable to deny how simply good it felt to have that foot on his covered dick. Mountain moved his hands to an imaginary kit keeping tempo with his foot and every press on the very specific seam that ran over Rain's dick. He kept his positioning with his toe hovering over the head pressing against Rain's zipper before pressing the balls of his feet down.

Rain chuckled when a small thump came down onto his head right between his horns before moaning when it was in time with a stomp to his cock. The balls of the feet that he was just massaging were brutally pressing down on him, punishing him for being so needy. His breathing picked up as the music died down for the small bridge of the song and Mountain kept the pressure on.

He twisted his foot a bit trying to hide it under the guise of adjusting again. Rain looked up pleadingly with wet eyes.

Mountain just smiled as he leaned forward, putting more pressure on his leg. "What, Rainy? You're gonna ruin the bridge. This is the part we're supposed to stay quiet. You know that, don't you?"

Slowly he nodded and was rewarded a soft pat to his head.

"Good boy." Mountain whispered to him lifting his foot off. Rain caught his breath in the short moment before stepping it back down.

Rain's head was foggy with the mix of pain and pleasure. The music by his head sounded distant even if punctuated with every step of Mountain's large foot. A cool blush ran down his face and neck as his claws itched to dig into Mountain's leg to hold it to his dick and just let him rut against his foot.

The seam of his jeans shifted through all this, and started to catch on the head of his cock with each kick. Rain whined feeling just a small bit of drool escape the corner of his mouth as Mountain's foot adjusted on him again. In the final few moments of the song when Mountain pressed down hardest and left his foot there grinding, Rain nearly sobbed as cum was wrung out of him by that twisting foot. His shoulders tensed and his claws found purchase in Mountain's rolled up pant leg straining his forearms as he held on, as if that would make the pain and pleasure more bearable.

Mountain cooed at him, paused the music on his phone, and brought a hand down to Rain's jaw tilting his head back up. His foot turned less violent and switched to softer caresses as Rain twitched below him in the mess of his jeans.

"There you go baby." He murmured wiping away drool with his thumb. "If that's what you wanted from the start, you just had to ask me."

Rain just nodded letting his eyes fall hooded. Suddenly, Mountain leaned back and arched his foot in his direction.

"My kick got my foot dirty. Do you mind?" He asked knowing damn well that the cum that seeped through the fly of Rain's jeans coated the bottom of his foot.

Wordlessly, Rain tilted his head forward and licked a stripe of his own cum off the balls of his feet. Even if he was starting to come down from his high and his mind made him want to grimace, his dick twitched, sticky and limp at his thigh. He groaned tasting his own cum, a ritual Mountain seemed to always get off on, always feeding him his own spend as he came back down.

When Mountain was satisfied, he lowered his foot smiling.

"Honestly even if you weren't going to, I was still going to make you grab a towel. I'm not walking around with cum on my foot." He said with a humorous lilt to his tone.

Rain rolled his eyes as he tried to get feeling back to his legs by unfolding them and rolling his ankles around. "Uh-huh. I'm sure you wouldn't." Now he was faced with the problem of trying to get back to his room without anyone seeing the very noticeable stain on his jeans, or walk back in a pair of Mountain's sweatpants. Both were as good as an admission of what they'd done.

"Change out of that before you lay down." Mountain complained gesturing his head to his closet when Rain stood on shaking legs.

"You didn't seem to mind last time. Since when'd you get so touchy about cum?"

"Since when did you have a foot thing?" Mountain shot back as he leaned against the head board picking his horticulture book back up as if he didn't just stomp Rain's dick like a drum kick, as if Rain didn't just bust from that and was left to reluctantly grab a pair of oversized sweatpants.

#ghost band #mountain/rain #mountain ghoul #rain ghoul #fanfiction #wfsn #explosion's fanfic

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eternal-nyx · 1 year ago

Text

1 MONTH ON T

10/25/2023-11/21/2023

Days 29 - 56

Today is day 29 of my HRT diary! Holy shit! As of writing this, I have just taken my 5th injection. Let's throw together a quick little list of the changes we've seen during month 1.

Day 29

October 25th 2023

Hygiene:

Looking into buying a new deodorant. Mine is slowly stopping working and I need to use so much more of it. My feet stink! I don't even wear socks or shoes. I never leave my house!!!!! This is wild. My body odor in my underarms is very much locker room stank, and my under-breasts smell like old taco bell. The amount of showers....JFC,

NSFW:

One inch of growth in the first month. Not mad about that at all. This thing is a plump little monster let me tell you. I get random erections, like a teenage boy. Sitting in the car? Erection that tingles and itches. Eating pizza with my family? Erection that makes me have to shift my weight, but I can't escape it! Crying over my broken bong? Yup. Erection there too. Fuck you, tick tack dick.

I own an entire box of toys. I have a very healthy sex life and a partner who is more than willing to assist. But no matter what I try, it doesn’t STOP. And it’s not emotional its physical. I can FEEL this…..tingling? Fullness? I expected sensitive, and I expected wanting to have sex more. But being PHYSICALLY aroused more when I just wanna take a nap? Or watch tv?

Peeing is weird. I was just sitting on the toilet, peeing like one does, and I COUGHED. And my pee YEETED onto the wall instead of going in the toilet. Like....henh? The urethra in the AFAB anatomy isn't anywhere near the clit. The fuck is happening? Well. Whatever, guess this is life now.

If my boobs don't stop feeling bruised soon I STG I might just cut them off myself. Holy fuck. Ow.

Appetite:

Early on I had some increased appetite that I actually benefitted from a lot. It helped me combat my ARFID ED, and was a welcome change. Though, now it's starting to taper out as nausea and PMS symptoms kick in. Hoping it comes back as my cycles hopefully cease.

Body Hair:

Acne in places I never thought I would get it but here we are. Ass acne? Breast Acne? Thigh? Sure. I have Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), also called acne inversus, I'm used to that shit. But my NECK?! MY SCALP? MY FUCKIN ELBOW?! The hell?!

Vocal:

Yeaaaaaaaaaa we dropped ya'll. I'm a raspy, cracky, little bitch but OH I am loving it. I can't wait to see where it settles.

Here are some things I wrote during earlier weeks about vocal changes:

October 18th 2023

Night 21-Morning of Day 22

Overnight my voice really started to drop into a raspiness. It's like the beginnings of Laryngitis but instead of squeaking I'm rasping. That said, the rasping feels soothing on those sore areas of my throat. Using my voice in this comfortable range seems to help progress it without hurting it.

October 13th 2023

Day 17

Talking voice has begun to crack

October 16th 2023

Day 20

I think my voice just DROPPED

My throat hit an all time sore today.

I was rubbing it and gargling numbing medicine and water. I'd taken the max dosage allowed for OTC ibuprofen and Tylenol every 6 hours on the DOT. I even took an extra of my fibromyalgia pain management medication. I had trouble eating, vaping (nicotine), smoking (medical weed), and also literally had chose my food based on what would help my throat or at least not hurt it further. I even spent parts of the day silent and nonverbal to try to sooth it and let it rest.

However, I found that to be counter productive. I realized that using my voice in a comfortable chest voice range helped to sooth some of the tenderness. So I sung some poor man's poison and some seether. Then I went back to not talking again. It just HURT all morning. It's even affected my sleep. The throat pain bothers me more than the clit sensitivity.

Just now, before typing this, the pain started to subside and all of a sudden my voice is like gravely and feels like I'm talking from my breastbone and not my throat.

October 17th 2023

Day 21

The sore throat is less intense and no where near as constant. It comes and goes and so does my voice. Sometimes its normal, sometimes raspy.

Body General:

My mother noticed a change in my face shape during a video call. She said I look more like my father.

I've noticed a change in my over all torso shape, however I'm not sure if it's due to weight loss, as I've lost 20 lbs, or the T redistributing things. Could be both I suppose.

Menstruation:

I took pregnancy tests every single day I was late to be safe. All remained negative

After being intimate with my partner this morning, she informed me there was blood. I went to inspect, and sure enough, my flow started. My cramps are intermittent but normal for me in the moderate to severe range. So far the actual flow is light. Continuing to monitor changes.

Misc:

Shaved off my face a few weeks back to monitor the new growth more accurately. Starting to feel itchy stubble on the chin. Here we go.

Moody AF. Might talk about increasing my Cymbalta dosage actually. It's kind of intense.

#queer community #neurodivergent #queer #queer pride #trans #transgender #genderfluid #genderqueer #transition #transitioning

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blot-squisher · 1 year ago

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I just remembered about bubba! Can we have a SFW alphabet with him please?💛

He's so sweet, I'm so glad I get to do one for him! Also, in STG Leatherface is kind of a combination of both the Sawyer and Hewitt versions from the different films.

SFW Alphabet Ask Meme for Surviving the Game Leatherface

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Thomas is a huge love bug. He loves hugging people and if you're smaller than him (most people are) he'll pick you up and carry you around just because he can.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) You were nice to him, and now he's your best friend. Get used to having a giant puppy following you around! Thomas is going to be curious about everything you do, and if you invite him to help he'll do his best with whatever it is.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Sitting, standing, laying down. Doesn't matter. If he can cuddle you, he will. He's especially fond of playing with peoples hair.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) If settle down means living and working on the family farm for the rest of his life, then he's already kind of living the dream! It's a little different in the Realm, especially without the rest of his family around, but he's making due. At least the house is the same. Thomas's definition of 'clean' is a place for everything, and everything in its place. Everything. You... probably don't want him to cook though.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) He would eat them. Literally. Just cause it's over doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep you around. Your femur would make a nice lamp come to think of it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Thomas knows what marriage is and what's expected of married people. However, he's not quite ready for that kind of commitment.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Thomas is incredibly aware of his strength but has trouble reining it most of the time. Just politely ask him to ease up and he will. Only malicious if he thinks his family or friends are in danger, Bubba is usually a lot more aware of peoples feelings than some of the others. Until it comes to food anyway. He's not a picky eater and just doesn't get why so many of the others get uncomfortable when he offers them food.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) He loves hugs, both giving and receiving. Take a deep breath if you can, because 90% of the time he puts his all into his hugs.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Very fast, but he'll be showing you instead of telling you. Handmade gifts are his go to.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Thomas doesn't really get jealous, but he does get extremely protective. If you start hanging out with someone he thinks doesn't have your best interests at heart, he's going to make it known. And if they do hurt you? He's going to make a mask out of their face....

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?) Although he isn't one to kiss others, a kiss on the cheek or forehead will turn him into a giggling mess.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) Bubba loves kids. They're usually super easy to entertain and they don't scream at him or call him rude names.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Up with the sun so you can feed the animals and start the daily chores before breakfast.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Relaxed. Bubba isn't much of a night owl, so a good hearty dinner, a bath, then bed is always a safe bet.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Thomas will gladly show you every picture he has of his family the first time you come over. He misses them and getting to introduce you through old picture albums is as close to meeting them as he knows he'll ever get.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Believe it or not, Thomas isn't a particularly angry person. Of course, the smallest hint of a threat to his home, friends, or family will have him swinging his chainsaw in the blink of an eye.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partner? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) He remembers everything! Keeping traditions and memories alive is important after all.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?) Food is absolutely his love language, and the first time you actually ate what he cooked for you will always remain as one of his favorite moments.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?) You get so much as a paper cut and he's coming in hammer at the ready. Careful not to watch any scary movies with him, because the first time you jump or scream, that hammer is going through the TV... You want to protect him? You're going to make him cry. He's so used to being the one doing the protecting, seeing you stand up for him in any way will earn you one of his patented back breaking hugs.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) For you, all the effort. Because you're worth it.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Just... stay out of the basement and leave that question unanswered...

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) There's a reason he wears a mask but it isn't really a vanity thing. Thomas was bullied and made fun of by a lot of people growing up. Wearing a mask makes him feel safe.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their partner?) He's already lost his entire family. Losing his partner would be a very heavy blow.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Thomas can speak but has a very bad speech impediment. It may have been something he could have lessened to a degree if he'd been provided with proper speech therapy at a young age, but it never happened.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) Don't barge in, always knock first. (He has a bad habit of just barging in anyway, but he's also not worried about catching a hammer to the dome)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?) Bubba can and will pass out anywhere and in less than a minute. He tends to wake up just as fast and no one's really sure how the hell he does it.

#sfw alphabet #surviving the game fic #leatherface #the cannibal dbd #writing thoughts #ask meme

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taintedcigs · 1 year ago

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first of all we cheered for the tommy carol breakup even more than nancy and steve. those douchebags do not deserve happiness!!!!

“Clearly they are still together” OH MY SWEET SWEET R. you’re in for a good awakening!😌😌

“Apparently you are pregnant with Eddie’s baby and living in his trailer.” HELLO??? these rumors are crazy when i catch tjat tommy and carol bitch i stg..

“Well, don’t you look beautiful.” OHHHHHH IM GONNA CRY HES SO SWEET AND ADORABLE AND I LUV HIM

“No buts,” Eddie chuckles, “you’re taking a gap year, you still got your job at the record store and I’ll work at the garage, we’ll save up some money this summer and then–”

IM SO EXCITED FOR THAT ROAD TRIP!!! and omg working at a record store is such a dream pls get me some vinyls r!!! AND EDDIE IS SO GOODDAMN SWEET DAMN I NEEDED SOMEONE LIKE HIM TO TAKE ME ON A ROADTRIP RIGHT AFTER MY HS GRADUATION😭😭😭😭

“I notice everything about you, sweetheart.”

no words. just this:

“Steve’s eyes are filled with nothing but sadness. He doesn’t even have the power to feel jealous anymore”

OH NOW WE ARE BACK TO MAKING ME SOB AND CRY AGAIN… thats… thats GOOD😭😭😭😭

For a moment, he forgets about his surroundings and what he is supposed to be doing. The sound of chatter, whispers and giggles fly by him. His attention is on you and he basks in the feeling of being so close to you, of feeling your touch, of being able to look at you – not from afar but from such a close distance.

oh my GOD. i asked for groveling and im loving it but it hurts so damn bad I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH OKY

OH R. THEY’RE NOT TOGETHER GIRLIE!!!!! hes falling ALL APART😭😭😭

Your breath hitches in your throat when you look up to see him staring at you – now with a blush on his cheeks. Oh. He wasn’t looking into the camera because he was too busy looking at you.

OH I LOVE THESE PINING LITTLE IDIOTSSSSS🫶🏻😫🫶🏻😫

“Steve will forever hate himself for losing you.”

STOP!! YOU’RE LOSING MEEE😭😭😭 oh the hurt in my chest is as much as steve’s LMFAOOO i feel so personal abt this andy idk what to do.😫😫😫😫 im so attached to this story oh my god

WVEN THO IM MAD AT STEVE HIM HURRING MAKES ME SOOOOO☹️☹️☹️😢😢😢

THEY R BOTH WORKING AT STARCOURT OHHH IM GONNA CRY THEY’RE SO MY BABIES!!!

also the way steve felt embarrassed abt his job😔😔😔 ily my insecure king😭 and r was so quick to dismiss his insecurities oh im falling in love w them so quickly

OH MY GOD THE LIBRARY SCENE!!! EVERYBODY STAY CALMMMMMM🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻😫😫😫

first of all this is one of my fav tropes and IM SO GLAD U DECIDED TO USE IT W NANCY!! ik we kinda hate her in this story but i love this complexity SO SO MUCH. and your writing SHINES!!!!

“I shouldn’t be defending him but I know that he is a good person, despite everything,” you murmur the last part with an eye roll, “and I know that he is good to you.”

OH R😭😭 THEY ARE NKT DATING ANYMORE BABYYY

“Y-You look amazing is what I’m trying to say,” Nancy says nervously.

sooo… who’s gonna try to stop me from shipping r and nancy now bc…

THE PREGNANT RUMORS HAVE ME CRYING THIS SCHOOL IS CRAZYY FOR THESE RUMORS😭😭😭

There’s amusement in her features as she takes in the sight of your confused face. She shrugs, “you’re always clinging to one another, and you guys literally kiss on the cheek! Like, who does that to a friend? And– you sit on his lap! It’s hard not to think you two have something going on!”

OH NANCY YOU CHEEKY LITTLE THING👀👀 YOU SEE IT ALL🤭🤌🏻

“You’re a little oblivious, aren’t you?”

OH SHES SO VERY OBLIVIOUS… I WONDER IF THIS WILL FINALLY MAKE HER REALIZE SOME STUFF👀👀👀 IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS AND THIS WAS AMAZINGGG HONEYBUN ANGEL CUTIE PIE🥹🫶🏻💗

anyways!!!! i have now added my live reactions to the 10k reviews so… thats another thing LMAO but god. andy i love this series SO. SO MUCH. and this chapter was amazing as ALWAYS!!! i cannot wait to see the ideas u mentioned to me in the next chapters im like shaking from excitement🤭😫😫 and as you know… IM ALWAYS OPEN FOR SNEAK PEEKS!!!🤌🏻👀🤌🏻

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 18

Warnings: slight angst, mentions of body dysmorphia, mentions of an eating disorder, mentions of weight loss, mentions of cheating, mentions of pregnancy (don't worry, it's nothing), depression and anxiety

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!cheerleader!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!cheerleader!reader

Summary: A conversation with a girl that you had been trying to avoid, leaves you more confused than ever -- it might just be the cause of a storm in your heart.

Word count: 6k

A/N: BIG BIG BIG SHOUTOUT TO THE LITTLE DEVIL ON MY SHOULDER AKA @hellfire--cult thank you so much for helping me, with this chapter especially! I was struggling with the dialogue at the end of this chapter and you were such a big help so thank you -- you're talented, amazing, show-stopping, perfect, thank you for helping me with the dialogues (and so many other ideas) mwah! You guys better follow her and give her stories the love they deserve

series masterlist

The gym is filled with girls dressed in their cheer uniforms, the color green is starting to give you a headache, just like the sound of giggles and hushed whispers as the girls next to you talk about the latest gossip. Another supposed breakup.

This time it’s Tommy and Carol again.

Just three weeks back, you heard rumors about Steve and Nancy’s apparent breakup, which turned out to be just a rumor, considering you’ve seen them together – maybe less than before but they are still around each other, laughing and smiling just like before.

Clearly, they are still together.

But teenagers love to make up rumors – especially about people like you and Steve. Despite both yours and his fall down the social ladder, you are still the hot topics of the school.

They love to make up rumors about your relationship or past relationship with Steve and your friendship with Eddie – or as they still like to call him, the freak.

Apparently you and Eddie had been seen making out in his van.

Apparently you and Eddie have been in a secret relationship since august, last year.

Apparently you cheated on the king with the freak.

Apparently the satan worshiper had cursed your relationship with the king – so he could have you.

Apparently you are pregnant with Eddie’s baby and living in his trailer.

Apparently you and Eddie are in love and secretly married – at least, you understand that rumor. The matching rings on both yours and his ring finger may have been the cause of it.

The pregnancy rumor made you physically sick – it made you stand in front of the mirror, checking for signs that you had gained weight. You did not, it still made you feel nauseous and you had to cancel your dinner ‘date’ with your friends.

A sigh falls from your lips when you hear Teresa talking about her future in college – Princeton to be exact. Of course the cute brunette has it all, beauty and brains. The straight A student isn’t only one of the smartest students in Hawkins High, she is also one of the prettiest – cat eyes, a small nose and big lips, she is thin but her boobs are, well, they are huge.

You wonder why you were ever crowned as the queen when girls like her exist. When girls like Heather and Chrissy exist.

You wonder why Steve ever even looked your way.

You look down at yourself, your uniform is perfectly ironed, your skin is soft and glowing after scrubbing and lathering it in moisturizer earlier this morning. You reach for the mirror in your bag, wanting to check on your makeup, one more time before the photoshooting. Your hair looks good, your make up looks good and yet, you still don’t like the way you look.

“Well, don’t you look beautiful.”

The frown on your face disappears when you hear his voice. Looking over your shoulder, you see Eddie leaning against the doorframe. He is eying you with a smile on his face. He ignores all the nasty looks from the other cheerleaders before they continue getting ready for the little photo session with Jonathan – who is getting just as many nasty looks as Eddie does.

You put the little mirror down and walk over to him, smoothing down your skirt as you take in the sight of him. He was forced to leave his leather jacket at home and he had already been whining about it since the early morning hours. Clad in his favorite jeans and a metallica shirt, you can’t help but miss the leather on his skin – it’s his staple piece but, it’s the end of May, much to Eddie’s dismay it’s too warm to walk around with vests and jackets.

You like seeing his tattoos though and his hair in ponytail or a bun when it does get a little too warm.

“Hi,” you say, giving him a sweet smile as you halt in front of him.

He smiles down at you, tapping your nose, “hey sweetheart.”

“Wanna join the photo session?” You joke, gesturing to the girls who are still getting ready as Jonathan is setting up his tripod and his camera.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, “give me a uniform and I’m in.”

Giggling, you shake your head, “your butt would look cute in a cheer skirt.”

“Oh, not as cute as yours,” he winks, grinning at you when you look away with a blush on your cheeks.

“Are you enjoying the last day as the cheer captain?”

“You have no idea how much I wanna get rid of that title,” you laugh, “I’m ready to give that position up to Chrissy.”

You haven’t been loving cheerleading as much as you used to. Things changed, especially this year.

“I’m ready to get the hell out of here.”

“You and me both, sweetheart.”

“You know, I always thought that I’d go to college after high school,” you say as you look around the room, “but now, I’m just lost. I wouldn’t even know what to major in if I did go to college a-and I don’t even know what college I’d go to – and why am I even stressing about it, it’s too late for that now–”

Eddie places his hands on your shoulders, “I thought we settled on not stressing about our future anymore.”

“Yeah but–”

“No buts,” Eddie chuckles, “you’re taking a gap year, you still got your job at the record store and I’ll work at the garage, we’ll save up some money this summer and then–”

“And then we’ll go on that road trip.”

“Exactly,” he smiles, “we’ve been planning it for weeks now, don’t let college ruin that.”

Your shoulders slump and you sigh, “I just, I hear all of them talking about college,” you pause, gesturing to the girls behind you, “a-and it makes me think that maybe it was a mistake not to apply to any.”

His eyes soften at the worry in your eyes, he shakes his head.

“I don’t think it’s a mistake.”

“It’s not?”

“No, you got all the time in the world to join all these boring people in the normal world,” he chuckles, pulling you closer, “let’s live in our own world for a little longer,” he smiles, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear before he fixes the bow in your ponytail.

“Our dreams will be crushed the moment we step into the real world, let’s not let that happen so soon.”

You eye his face and curl of his lips as he stares at you.

“Our own world,” you smile, nodding, “I think I like that more anyways.”

“Yeah?” He grins.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Good,” you repeat after him, making him chuckle.

He tilts his head with a smile on his face, “did you do your make up differently?”

“Uh yeah, I did pink eye shadow today,” you chuckle, “I’m surprised you noticed it, guys usually don’t pay attention to these things.”

“I’m offended that you think I’m one of those guys,” he jokes, placing his hand on his chest, “I notice everything about you, sweetheart.”

He notices every slight change. A different hairstyle, new clothes, the new color of your lipstick, the slightest change in your behavior, your eating habits, your struggles. He notices it all.

“You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks,” you smile but the look in your eyes isn’t genuine and it makes him frown.

“Not as gorgeous as Teresa.”

“Who the fuck is Teresa,” he mumbles in confusion.

You point to the cheerleader and Eddie follows your gaze. You watch him closely as he looks at the pretty cheerleader.

Does he think she’s gorgeous? Does he think she looks better than you? Does he think she looks sexy in her tight uniform? Does he think her boobs look good?

The reaction you expected never comes, he scrunches his face up and a look of distaste crosses his features.

“That bitch threw gum in my hair.”

A laugh tumbles from your lips, you cup your hand over your mouth when the others turn to look at you.

“That’s not funny, y/n!” Eddie frowns, though his eyes are filled with amusement, “Wayne had to cut a chunk of my hair because I couldn’t get it out.”

“Your poor hair!” You pout, reaching out to touch his curls.

Both you and Eddie are unaware of the new set of eyes watching the two of you.

Steve just left the coach’s office, passing by the gym when he heard your laughter, he couldn’t help but peek inside the open gym.

His eyes fall on you, right away.

It’s been a while since you had talked, though you had been more present in his life since the night before your birthday, you were still far from actually being back in his life. The only interactions the two of you have are the ones in the hallway or in classes, greeting one another and saying goodbye. That’s all but he wishes he would see more of you.

Things haven’t been easy in the past few weeks, he barely passed the exams, sleepless nights haunt him and his days usually consist of reading and trying to better his cooking skills – he has nothing else to do. He has no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, no one to be with, not even his parents.

He had never been more miserable than he is right now.

There you are, pressing yourself against Eddie as you play with his hair, looking happier than ever.

Eddie, who wraps his arm around your waist and looks down at you like you are the most precious thing in this world.

Steve’s eyes are filled with nothing but sadness. He doesn’t even have the power to feel jealous anymore.

“Hey Steve!”

Shit.

All eyes are now on him, including yours and Eddie’s.

Steve tears his eyes away from you and turns to look at Jonathan who is walking towards him with his camera. By the look in his eyes, Steve can tell that he wants to do anything but talk to him.

“Uh – it’s good that you’re here,” Jonathan mumbles, holding the camera up, “Principle Higgins asked for a picture of you and y/n.”

Steve’s brows furrow and confusion takes over his face, “me and y/n?” He asks, “why?”

Jonathan shrugs, refraining from rolling his eyes, “cause you’re the captain of the basketball team and she’s cheer captain.”

“Oh.”

Jonathan looks away from Steve, glancing in your direction, waving you over.

You look just as confused as Steve does but you make your way over to them nonetheless.

“Hi,” you mumble to Steve before your eyes find Jonathan who stands between you two, awkwardly.

“Hey,” Steve smiles at you.

“Principle Higgins wants a picture of you two together,” Jonathan explains to you, “cause you’re both Captains.”

You raise your brows, “uh okay,” you snort, “what does the cheer captain have to do with–”

“Don’t ask me, y/n,” Jonathan chuckles as he motions for you both to follow him, “I’m just as confused.”

“That’s weird,” you mumble, glancing at Steve who’s awfully quiet.

“Let’s do it in front of the banners,” Jonathan looks over his shoulder, giving you a small smile but avoiding Steve’s eyes – you notice it.

Does he feel guilty about kissing his girlfriend? You saw them together yesterday, Nancy and Jonathan. They didn’t even bother to hide their affection. They kissed in the parking lot in front of everyone to see. All they got were a few weird looks, no one seemed to pay much attention to them – no one except for you. You stood frozen in place, a mix of confusion and anger rushing through you.

Despite the things that Steve had done to you, he still didn’t deserve that.

You didn’t know whether you should tell him or not, by the sullen look in his eyes, you can tell that he already knows.

“Alright, just uh–” Jonathan waves his hand at you and Steve, looking around awkwardly, “scoot a little closer.”

You don’t have to look around the gym to see all the eyes on you, you can feel them and you can hear the hushed whispers.

Steve ignores them but he can’t help but take a look at Eddie who is still standing in the same spot as before. He watches you.

You step closer to Steve, when he lifts his arm up for you. You place your hand on his back and he places his hand on your waist. Steve looks away from Eddie when the latter looks down.

Jonathan looks through his camera, squinting his eyes as he motions with his hand, “a little closer, y/n.”

Steve feels your body closer against his, your hand slides down to his waist, your touch fills him with a warmth that he hasn’t felt in a long time, it makes his heart beat a little faster, it fills him with life.

If a simple touch of your hand can make him feel such things, he wonders what a kiss from you would cause.

After a few snaps, Jonathan pulls back to look at the pictures he just took, he furrows his brows and glances up at the two of you.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, not pulling away from Steve just yet, “do I look okay?”

Jonathan huffs with a soft chuckle, “yeah, you look good but uh, Steve? You’re supposed to look into the camera,” he says awkwardly.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you look up to see him staring at you – now with a blush on his cheeks. Oh. He wasn’t looking into the camera because he was too busy looking at you.

He closes his eyes, furrowing his brows, “right.”

You can’t help but smile to yourself – a flustered Steve is not something you will ever get used to.

“Alright,” Jonathan mumbles after snapping a few more pictures, “I got it now.”

He looks up from his camera, giving Steve a tight lipped smile, “thanks Steve, you can go now,” he says before he steps away himself.

You feel the hesitation in his touch before he lets go of you, stepping away slowly.

“Alright uh, I’m gonna,” he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck as he points to the entrance.

“Yeah,” you whisper but you hesitate as well and you find yourself looking into his eyes again.

The sadness has taken over.

You know that he knows about Nancy and Jonathan.

Why is he still with her?

Why is he still with her after everything he said to you?

Why is he still with her when she is seeing someone else?

He gives you a halfhearted smile before he turns away but you stop him, reaching for his hand before he can take the first step away from you. You grip it tightly, unaware of the feeling in his heart that you had caused with yet another simple touch.

He looks down at your hand only to notice another, new ring adorning your hand. A skull ring on your ring finger – he doesn’t know why such a small item can cause him so much despair. He doesn’t have to ask to know where or who you had gotten it from.

“Are you okay?”

The softness in your voice matches the one in your eyes, it makes him want to cry.

How could he ever be okay without you in his life?

Now that he had finally dropped the act and let go of a fake love, he had nothing to hold onto anymore.

He lost his best friend, he lost the love of his life, he lost the one. All because he was an insecure coward.

The past few weeks have shown him how much he had truly ruined, how alone he really is without you in his life.

He needed to lose you to realize that you are all he ever wanted.

He doesn’t need a bunch of friends who don’t even care about him nor does he need girls chasing after him or the popularity that he no longer has or even wants.

You, he only wants you.

But he won’t fight for someone who he doesn’t deserve to have.

You look at him with worry in your eyes as you wait for him to answer your question.

No. No, he is not okay.

He has never felt more lost in his life than he does at this moment.

The emptiness in his chest is eating at him and he doesn’t know how to keep going when every day feels like hell.

Every night he stares at the bottles of expensive whiskey in his dad’s office, contemplating whether or not he should just drink until he no longer feels anything. Deep down he knows that the whiskey would just make everything so much worse.

Maybe it would lead him back to you, maybe it would lead him to the phone on his nightstand, maybe he would make the mistake of calling or even seeing you only to beg for another chance – which would only end in heartbreak.

You won’t take him back.

Steve will forever hate himself for losing you.

“Yeah,” he says, forcing a smile on his face, “I’m okay.”

And for a moment, it isn’t a lie. For a moment, he does feel okay when he still feels your hand in his, when he sees the worry and the softness in your beautiful eyes and the necklace around your neck, the locket that he gave you. You are wearing it. And that alone is enough for his heart to flutter and for the emptiness in his chest to disappear – even if only temporary.

He avoids your eyes and that proves to you that he isn’t okay but just like he never pressured you, you don’t do it either.

“A-Are you going to college?” You ask, not wanting him to go so soon.

Your question surprises him, it’s been a long time since you had initiated a conversation.

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “It doesn’t seem really appealing to me.”

“But you wanted to go to college, Steve.”

He runs his fingers through his hair, tilting his head with a small chuckle.

“That uh, that was our dream. I only wanted to go to college with you.”

His hand is still in yours, his sad eyes are still gazing into yours.

“You wanted to go to college with me?” Your eyes widen when he nods, “for me?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, “I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you so,” he trails off as he watches the way sadness crosses your features.

Your heart jumps at his words.

“That’s uh, that’s funny,” you laugh, “cause I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you so I always told you that I had this huge college dream when I never even knew what I actually wanted.”

Steve’s brows furrow and his eyes fill with confusion but also with amusement.

“Really?” He chuckles.

“Yeah.”

His eyes crinkle and his smile widens.

“Wow. We would’ve gone to college together not knowing that it’s something neither of us wanted,” he says, “unless it’s something that you want now?”

“Oh no,” you mumble, “I-I’m not going to college. For now, I’m stuck at the record store which is actually being moved to Starcourt soon.”

His eyes light up.

“Oh, the record store is being moved?”

“Yeah!”

“I guess we’ll keep seeing each other then.”

While the thought leaves him with excitement, it must leave you with annoyance – at least that’s what he thinks.

The look on your face is puzzled.

“I got a job at the ice cream parlor,” he clears his throat, “Scoops Ahoy.”

Suddenly, he feels embarrassed and his cheeks heat up. You used to date a king, a popular guy, the captain of the basketball team with his apparent bright athlete future.

And now he is just Steve Harrington who barely got his diploma, who threw his athlete future down the drain to work at an ice cream parlor. How humiliating.

Your jaw drops and your eyes widen, “no way! Scoops Ahoy?”

“Yeah..”

“Oh my god!” You giggle excitedly. “I’ll be your regular.”

Steve can’t help but laugh at your enthusiasm.

“You did love your ice cream.”

“Yeah, I still do.”

You are still smiling at him and he can’t help but smile back at you. This almost feels like a dream – standing here with your hand still in his, laughing and smiling with you like the past no longer matters.

“Y/n!” Chrissy calls for you.

You tear your eyes away from his and glance over his shoulder.

Chrissy motions for you to join her and the other cheerleaders – who are all trying to hide the fact that they were just staring at you and Steve.

“Come on!” She says as she glares at Steve’s back.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

Steve’s face falls, though his smile still lingers when you look back at him. You remove your hand from his.

“So uh, I guess I’ll see you around?”

He nods, “yeah,” he mumbles.

You step away from him but this time, he stops you. With a hand on your wrist and your name falling from his lips, he makes you halt in your tracks.

You look back at him with raised brows.

His soft eyes make your heart race, his touch makes you feel warm.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you whisper.

He knows you don’t believe it, you never did, no matter how many times he told you these words, you never believed them.

“The locket looks good on you,” he smiles.

You place your other hand on your chest, touching the locket, “thanks, I love it.”

Chrissy rolls her eyes, watching the interaction between you and Steve. Annoyed at the affection and the smiles you are giving him, she forces herself to look away.

Steve always finds a way to sneak his way back into your life. He doesn’t deserve you, not after everything that happened.

She knows that you might never stop loving him but she hopes that your love for him won’t stop you from letting another one in. She narrows her eyes, glancing at the metalhead who is still standing by the door, watching you with an intense look on his face, one that can only be described as jealousy.

It’s the same look you always wore when you saw Steve with other girls.

She sighs, shaking her head.

Chrissy might not be a close friend of Eddie’s but she knows that his feelings for you are nowhere near platonic and she knows that what you are feeling might be deeper than that too, though you are still oblivious, too focused on your feelings for your ex boyfriend.

She hopes that you will let go of them someday.

The first big summer storm hits the town of Hawkins on a Friday afternoon. The rain is falling down harshly from the sky, the wind is howling through the trees, the bright lighting lights up the darkened sky every few seconds as the thunder crashes loudly.

The streets are empty as the water flushes down the road.

Of course you had to come to the library today.

You should’ve come here tomorrow, you should’ve stayed home.

You tried to leave the library when the storm just started but the librarian, an elderly woman named Margaret, refused to let you leave. She forced a book into your hand and told you to take a seat by the window.

She didn’t even let you put up a fight. She offered you a cup of coffee and told you to wait out the storm.

It’s been an hour but the storm is still raging and you are becoming restless. You hate being stuck in public places.

You take the book that she gave you and leave the table, giving her a tight lipped smile as you pass by the counter.

“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to sneak out,” you whisper to her when she gives you a pointed look.

“You better not, young lady,” she says with a mean voice but her eyes are kind.

You chuckle at her, flashing her a smile before you disappear into the aisle where the shelves are filled with nothing but dramatic romances and sad love stories – your favorites.

The smell of paper and coffee, the sound of rain and thunder fills you with a nostalgic feeling. You love these types of afternoons, sitting down with a book you love, listening to the rain paddling down the windows after you light up your favorite candle and drinking a hot cup of coffee – too bad you did not stay at home, you could have done just that.

As you walk down the aisle and you trace the books, trying to find one that calls for you, you don’t find a story that you would love to read, instead, you find the girl that has been the cause of a lot of pain in your life.

You halt in your tracks when you find her sitting in the little nook by the window. A large book resting on her lap.

You don’t know why you freeze, why you don’t just walk away, why you keep standing there like a fool as you stare at the girl that stole your boyfriend – ex boyfriend.

She glances up from her book when she feels your eyes on her.

For a moment, she freezes too and stares back at you.

What are you doing? Just walk away. The angel on your shoulder whispers, trying to save you from the awkwardness of this situation.

No. Confront her. Tell her what you saw.

You were never one to let the devil win. You were always a good, obedient girl. Always listening to the things the good ones whispered to you. Always doing what you were supposed to do. Always being kind and sweet to everyone around you. Always doing the right thing.

Maybe that is where you went wrong, by doing the apparent right things.

But you never did what you wanted to do.

So you let the devil for once – or maybe the devil is actually the angel and the angel that has been whispering all these discouraging words to you, is actually the devil in disguise, waiting for you to fail, changing your mind about the things that you want.

“Can I help you?” Nancy asks slowly.

You notice that her hair is shorter than it used to be, a few of her curls fall from the clip that is holding her hair together.

“No,” you shake your head.

She furrows her brows when you make your way over to her.

“But there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

“You wanted to talk to me?” She asks, pointing between the two of you.

Surprised that you want to talk to her now.

You nod.

Nancy can’t help but feel nervous. Despite her dislike for you, she is aware of her wrongs. You have every right to be angry at her – if you are angry at her.

“I saw you with Jonathan.”

She tilts her head, eyes straying from you. She looks confused.

“What?”

You cross your arms over your chest, the bracelet around your wrist slides down a little.

“I saw you kissing him.”

“So?”

Now you feel the anger rushing through you.

Does she not feel ashamed?

You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I should be the last person to care about this but I still care about him,” you start as you stare into her confused eyes, “what are you doing is disgusting.”

Nancy begins to understand a little but a part of her still leaves her with a big question mark.

“I shouldn’t be defending him but I know that he is a good person, despite everything,” you murmur the last part with an eye roll, “and I know that he is good to you.”

Nancy straightens her back, she pushes the book off of her lap and holds her hands up, “okay, uh I’m a little confused.”

“Oh, you’re confused?” You mumble, trying to keep your voice down, “you’re confused about the fact that you are cheating – openly?”

Technically, you are not wrong. She did cheat but not anymore.

“I’m not cheating,” she mumbles, “we’re not together anymore.”

Silence fills the space between the two of you. The only sound you both hear is the thunder and the rain outside before you speak up after a long pause.

“What?” You ask and Nancy realizes that you don’t know.

How do you not know about the break up?

How do you not know that he left her?

She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest, mimicking your pose.

“Steve broke up with me.”

You are stunned. These news are something you did not expect.

“A few weeks ago, actually,” she explains, “when he came back from you.”

Oh.

He broke up with her, the night before your birthday, after seeing you.

“I’m not cheating on Steve. Jonathan and I, we’re together.”

So, the rumors were true, after all.

They broke up – he broke up with her.

“Oh.”

Nancy looks you up and down. There you stand, wide eyed, confused and definitely unaware of the break up that happened so long ago.

“You didn’t… know?”

You shake your head and you lean your body against the shelf behind you.

“No, I-I didn’t know.”

You had almost forgotten about the raging storm when a bolt of lightning strikes through the sky and the lights in the library flicker for a few seconds.

You draw in a long sharp breath and look down.

Why didn’t he tell you? You wonder.

Nancy asks herself the same thing. Why did Steve not tell you about the break up? Why didn’t he call you the way he called her after he broke up with you?

The two of you stand in front of each other, shocked.

And as Nancy takes a closer look at you, as she sees the slight frown, the look in your eyes, the tension in your shoulders, the hand over your heart. She knows. She knows that there is still something.

You are still processing the news, she can tell by the way your eyes flicker back and forth as though you are trying to piece something together.

“Wait so.. you heard the rumors and you didn’t… think they were true?”

Your hair falls in front of your face when you lift your head, you don’t bother to push it away.

“I– well, I…I saw you two together a lot, so, it was hard to believe the rumors.. you know?”

Nancy nods in understanding.

“I get it… Then, the rumors with Eddie are not true?”

For a moment, you think about her question before you turn your head to look at her with a frown.

“The one I’m pregnant? The one where he sacrificed a lamb to get my undying love and devotion? The one where I cheated on Steve? Which one of them all?”

Nancy’s eyes widen.

She can’t help but snort at all those rumors. Shaking her head with an amused smile, she looks down with furrowed brows, “trust me, even I know Munson looks scary but probably is a fan of Garfield or something,” she chuckles.

A smile tugs at your lips.

“He does have Garfield pajamas.”

She looks at you with a stunned expression before you both burst into giggles.

Nancy shakes her head again as the smile fades away.

“And no, not the pregnant one either.. Jesus,” she sighs. Her eyes find your body again, she looks you up and down with a look that you cannot read.

Suddenly, you feel self conscious again. You feel the urge to wrap your arms around your waist, wanting to hide your body.

But her words aren’t ones that you expected.

“If you’re pregnant with a body like that, is the baby like smushed to the very back?”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. Your eyes widen at her words and you restrain yourself from gasping or holding your hand in front of your mouth or your stomach.

Nancy had spent so much time feeling jealous of you, of what you had – because at one point, she thought that you had everything. Beauty, popularity, friends and a guy who was hopelessly in love with you. You had it all and when she got a taste of what you had, she wanted it. She wanted him. She painted a false picture of you in her head, to make herself feel better about stealing from you.

Though, the false picture in her head didn’t stay for long, it started crumbling the moment she walked into the girls bathroom to hear you crying. She knew it was you, the backpack that laid on the ground had a pin of The Cure on the front, one that only you had.

After that, she began to pay attention to you.

She saw the way you looked at Steve, weeks, months after he left you.

She saw the sadness, the heartbreak, the pain in your eyes and the love that never left.

She saw the way you looked at the other girls and the way you looked at yourself. The way you stayed in the locker room, a little longer than the other girls.

The way you looked at her and compared yourself to her.

All because of him.

“Y-You look amazing is what I’m trying to say,” Nancy says nervously.

A flush creeps up to your face as you gape at her.

To hear it from Steve or even Eddie is one thing, to hear it from a girl who bashed on you, who belittled you is a whole other thing. It feels.. good.

“T-Thank you..”

Nancy clears her throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Desperately wanting to kill the awkward tension, she goes back to your previous question.

“No… The one where you and Eddie are dating.”

It takes you a moment to realize what she means. Your mouth falls open and recognition dawns your face.

“No, it’s not true either. None of them are,” you brows knit together, “wait, why did you think it was true?”

You press your hands together, laughing awkwardly, “uh, well, that’s how best friends interact,” you say these words with a twinge of pain in your chest but you don’t understand it, the reasoning behind the pain is unclear to you.

“Trust me, that’s not how best friends interact with each other – or look at each other,” she adds quietly.

“L-Like what?”

She stares at you in amusement, albeit a little bewildered.

“You’re a little oblivious, aren’t you?”

“Oblivious to what?”

She looks away from you with a small smile, glancing out the window, she pretends to be surprised, “oh, it looks like the storm finally stopped!” She points out.

The storm had indeed stopped, though the one inside of you, has just begun.

Nancy reaches for the book on the nook. She grabs her bag and turns back to you, “I gotta go home. Jonathan and my mom must be worried.”

You follow her with your eyes, staring at her desperately.

She looks over her shoulder after passing by you, “one piece of advice? Pay attention.”

And with that, Nancy Wheeler leaves you standing in the empty aisle.

“What?”

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @succubusmunson @xxhellfirebunnyxx @trashmouth-richie @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @somethingvicked @chrissymjstan

#andy⭐️#steddie fic recs

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 11 months ago

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Tuesday, January 9th, 2024!

4:49pm Having a nice rainy day! Waiting for it to clear up before I drive to the Straz! Very excited! A good day :)

5:45pm I don't have anyone to talk to about this because nobody really knows it happened buT the last/ first time I went to the Straz I was pretty badly embarrassed by this one (I'm sure they're not all bad) old bitch usher who I would say rudely informed me that I couldn't bring cheese/charcuterie plate into the theatre seating area.... When I just turned around from buying it at the concession stand in their building?? Nobody at the counter informed me that I would have to wolf it down in the lobby with <10 minutes left before showtime. What the fuck? I was like seriously?? Why tf do y'all sell these if you can't eat it while you're watching the play??? Then I noticed other people who were definitely also in my situation wolfing down hot dogs and sandwiches standing*! in the freaking lobby in their best black and white suit and tie like a fat kid harking down an ice cream sandwich. It was clearly ridiculous and I felt so embarrassed at the time, which was supposed to be a very enjoyable time. I probably would have gotten over this gracefully except....... You know who was glaring at me like I was the most retarded person ever in existence and I was embarrassing him!! Which made me even more red/embarrassed/ flustered/ wanting to run away and hide in the bathroom from my anxiety ratcheting UP and UP as it got closer to showtime. Also to note, normal me would've actually gotten a real dinner before going out, except I had no time to because...... I had to spend 1.5 hrs in traffic picking his spoiled ass up from work during rush hour before the play!!! So we were already running later than I like to be. So just not how I like to do my experiences clearly. And yk he just acted like a spoiled brat constantly. Also I bought him his sandwich there which he promptly took two bites out of and threw away!! Jfc like we were in this together except now you're glaring at me probably wishing I would also throw my food away like bitch this is overpriced $15 each meals I was so pissed off like he just has NO BALLS PUSSY ASS SHIT and instead of laughing it off, eating quickly WITH ME, just fucking staring at me like I'm some pig that is so stupid for wanting to eat some food when I hadn't eaten anything all day and didn't really want to sit there for three hours on an empty stomach. He was such a LIL BITCH HOLY SHIT FUCK YOU. A real man would have NOT PULLED THAT SHIT and would've at the bare minimum agreed with me that it was strange and kinda fucked, but no he just thought I was retarded and like bitch did you know and not tell me?? No lmao you just like to act like you're fucking better than everyone you're around, CUNT. NEVER AGAIN. EVERYDAY I'M REMINDED OF WHAT I'M *NOT* MISSING OUT ON 😂 AND that's some shit where he would never admit any wrongdoing and therefore would ABSOLUTELY NEVER CHANGE. Think about that shit. NEVER AGAIN I STG. I really needed to vent this out and get these feelings off my chest.

Ok so here's to going to Straz and having a blast!! Let's fucking GO!! ❤️ Love you girly ❤️

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roroc · 2 years ago

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1/14/2023 First weekend of shows, part 1! Starting as red lion on the lion pole🌶️🦁 Posting in chronological order of events 📍Saturday, January 14, 2023 performing for Kumo Japanese Restaurant's grand opening in Cumming, GA. 🎥Thank you for watching my show, Yuki! From the GA Hkers group🇭🇰footage & pictures courtesy of Yuki It was SO WINDY. I felt the pole SHAKE. MULTIPLE TIMES. And it didn't help that Tony didn't watch where I'm going, so I could only stay on one side because this MF ONLY squatted on one side. BRUH HAS ONE JOB & it's to watch when I need to turn direction so he can help counterbalance the pole by STANDING and/or sitting...and it's not like I'm moving fast like I am on the ground, there's only so many little steps I can take when I'm on a pole. Stg.☹️ smh. But in the end it turned out fine, just couldn't do superlion today. But ayyy my original tail + flag team @nninalvs @maria.starzz WE LOOK SO GOOD💖💖💖I swear, we look the best in the team🤗FYI: nina & maria have NEVER dropped me EVER. even when they're much smaller & lighter than tony, they still make more stable balancers than Tony ever will. I love you two. Also: Alan & me noticed the camera! Look at our million dollar smiles!!!💖🤗😁 Then went to Momocon dance with cosplay group @risaozu.cos @redpanda_lamai @zero_celes at night. We did some clown activities, some ikemen activities, and a whole bunch of LIT activities🔥Thank you everyone for enjoying my dance, welcome new fans! We had a wild weekend. AND IT'S ONLY SATURDAY. (👉keep swiping to see the previews of a sudden photoshoot Friday night before the show, I collabed with @riverpixi & @pyrobunneh 👀I'm still waiting for u to send me my candid backshot pic bruh😛that one was actually the best one I took at the shoot imo can't believe I did this right before lion dance performance...twas the night of spice before the show😜) #liondance #舞獅 #醒獅#lunarnewyear #hkig #踊ってみた #liondancesports #佐藤健 #chineseliondance #wushu #tet #龍獅運動 #イケメン #instagramjapan #fypシ #china #chinesenewyear #新年 #dragondance #liondancenation #ootd #Chainsawman #bts #satohtakeru #ulzzangboy #ulzzang #poledance #美男美女と繋がりたい #韓国ファッション #这就是街舞 (at 渋谷スクランブルスクエア) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnl7anUuigL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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hunterbinx · 6 months ago

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Terrible Waste Part 2 done *sigh*

Here, have more of my thoughts *throws them at you like I would a crumpled up dirty napkin while staring at the old table of the booth were sitting in at the sad Space-McDonalds*

Spoilers ahead

The THEIAs would have done something like that without a second thought though- just make something into a mindless shell of a person (in this case a worker) with no trace of who the person actually was but instead a copy and pasted version of what they think a person should be

Juno. Babe. Youre being kinda hypocritical about telling them to get therapy later. Buddy and Falco dont count as therapy.

Rita, I love you. Thank you for existing ❤️ (also, please compare these things to the THEIAs because it doesnt look like Juno is going to)

"You got 5 minutes and also I'm gonna be making another call. Good luck :)" Babe- 😂

OH MY GOD MICK MERCURY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

God, how is Nureyev going to react to this?

Holy shit, did Dokana bring Wilco back from the dead??? WAS THAT THE COMPANY THAT DID IT?!?!?!?!

Juno worried about Mick and Wilco :(

Please stop using the word Pal. Its doesn't sound right.

"If you turn the lights on and off, he starts dancing." Oh my god, Mick-

"Old Timer" *cue happy chemicals*

"Being so naturally charming and likeable :)" hey, thats still character development!

Ah yes, Juno's screams of fear, how I've missed you

"I wont be angry. You can tell me."

First of all, youre a liar. Youll be pissed that he was trying to pull his arm off

Second of all, you can clearly tell that Juno has been reacting poorly to your anger this whole time and NOW you try to throw him a bone??? Bro.

"Now do I get to use my blaster?"

*sigh* "Yes Juno, now you get to use your blaster."

"'bout goddamn time!"

He's confident in himself now! :D I can hear the hair flip!!!

Nureyev, you know you find this attractive, dont lie.

PETER HAS A GRAPLING HOOK?!?!??!?! I need a fic thats "5 times Peter Nureyev used his Grapling Hook and one time he didnt have to" or something. This is too good to be true. WAIT. WHERES THE MABEL PINES GRAPING HOOK MEME?!?!??

Perfect 🥰

Juno fawning over Peter whike he climbing. You just know he's staring like a lovesick idiot. 🥹

Oh my god, hes picked up on Nureyev lock picking techniques and finds them adorable!!!!!

I can imagine the scene from Tangled when Eugene gets all the way up into the town and Rapunzel is tied up... who's going to be Gothel here and stab Juno from behind?

Meele, no.... please...

"I wont sacrifice you in the process of finding him... i couldnt bear it." Awwwwww 🥺

Also, remember that next time youre mean to him, Nureyev

Yeah babe, youve been treating him worse than he deserves. Remedy that please, for the sake of all of our hearts. IM GONNA NEED SO MANY FICS TO FIX THIS, especially ones about Peter doing things for Juno to try to make up for this and Juno trying to tell him he doesnt need to but Nureyev keeps trying anyway

Calling Juno brave 😭

Admitting vulnerability 😭😭

Taking accountability 😭😭😭

"I'm glad you are here." I feel like ive been waiting for this all my life.

"Unfinished business..." (@44:57) You know hes just staring at Juno with longing eyes when he says it...

"Did I walk in on something" The speed and volume at which they said no 😂😭 Theyre faces are probably like an inch away from each other at that point tho...

Peter fumbling over his words 🥺

Mind reading powers causing him pain... its the pull all over again...

Peter sounds in so much pain... he just finally apologized to Juno for being an ass, he's trying to grappel with the looming possibility of losing Slip, and now his one light in the dark is being ripped from him...

VIBERT, I STG.

Haven't listened to an episode since 16 Tons Part 2 came out. Planning on binging the latest 4 tonight. Wish me luck...

#juno steel #the penumbra podcast #peter nureyev #I'm literally crying rn #juno steel and the terrible waste

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tarobytez · 3 years ago

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disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

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