#like i need to give myself time to heal so i can become a productive member of society and help others

[beardisable]

how do i get out of feeling and acting like a victim without berating the shit out of myself about feeling like this and making me feel worse. all I've learned in therapy and psychology is that i need to be kind to myself to feel better but if im being awful i dont deserve that kindness do i !!! then how the fuck do i escape the cycle and not be a sitting piece of shit and actually do something!?! rraaghh!!??!?!

[multidimensionalguidance]

SR Chart in-depth Analysis Part 1 🗝️

I thought it would be a good idea to write down an interpretation of how my 2024 SR chart might develop during this year, forget about it, and then revisit it during and/or at the end of the year! A fun experiment for me, even though I can honestly say that I've already been seeing the way it has been activating.

Note: please keep in mind I use sidereal and whole house system.

Libra ASC: this was the first thing that stood out to me when I saw the chart. I was already feeling an "upcoming glow up" vibe, and confirming it was hilarious. Even though Libra and Venusians in general are not just about appearance, they value aesthetics A LOT. I've already received comments on how my skin is looking amazing, and overall, just a lot of attention from others being thrown towards my appearance. So, aside from that more obvious aspect, I would say that this rising sign makes one feel more keen to developing and/or creating relationships of all kinds, meaning, that it is expected to become a tad more social during this year. Romantic relationships, creativity, arts, a need to be more diplomatic or neutral, and communication with others will become themes I will engage with a lot.

To give dept to this house, I pay attention to the where Libra sits in my natal chart and where it goes on the SR chart, also, where the lord of the SR ASC sits (strength, aspects, etc.) in the chart.

Example: Libra sits in my 12th house, and becomes the rising sign for SR chart. This tells me that a lot of my subconscious patterns will become more noticeable, particularly for relationships, and that those matters that are usually hidden about me are now put on the spotlight. Now, it's very interesting that the lord of my SR ASC moves to the 12th house, so its like there will still be things that are still kept hidden. Knowing me, I will be content with spending time alone and/or in foreign places, so I don't mind. Venus is debilitated, and I'm assuming that keeping to myself will partly occur from difficulties with possible insecurities, being overly critical or focused on self reflecting. Themes of feeling unworthy, and healing it. A great amount of attention being placed towards looks could definitely make one feel uncomfortable or unsure of why you're receiving it so much, and if it has to do with superficial reasons it can makes you feel unseen, as if others ignore your depth.

Scorpio stellium 2nd house: a focus on transformations occuring around money, resources, values, face area, food or products consumed, luxury, comfort, sensuality, and romance. I would expect a highlight and plenty of motivation to pursue all of these topics, since the Sun sits there conjunct Mars. Scorpios move quietly and under the radar, so there will be lots of secrecy on how I will exercise my power/drive, and also on communications around how I'm making money or managing my finances. Money from others moving directly into my pockets from foreign matters, contracts, writing/communication (9H ruled by Mercury), networking, social media, creative pursuits, romantic partner (11H ruled by Sun), somehow losses that turn into gains, expenditure, spirituality, and foreign residence (12H ruled by Mercury). In general, major important upgrades to the way I relate to Venusian matters.

Sagittarius 3rd house: even if houses are empty in a natal or SR chart they still hold meaningful information, but will of course be felt less in comparison to the houses that have planets. I see that my mindset, near environment, and communication will be a lot about/with foreigners, spiritual topics, traveling, and philosophy. The ruler sits in the 7th house, so it will also be mixed with my romantic life (with a foreigner), business, contracts, and other type of close relationships.

Capricorn 4th house: I don't usually pay much attention to Pluto unless its close to ASC or inner planet (Sun, Moon, Venus) but I will now for the sake of giving more context. There could be a major change of residence occuring or renovations of some sort. Home environment could be a bit chaotic or under frequent changes. Part of Fortune also sits there, so all of those transformations might actually be aligned with blessings or for a better outcome. The ruler sits in the 5th house with the moon, so it will definitely make me feel anxious and emotionally restricted or numbed. Luckily, I've had enough experience with Saturnian energy, so I know how to work through it until I find balance.

Aquarius 5th house: as I already mentioned above, with Moon and Saturn conjunct here it is likely that I will be feeling as if my emotions are harder to access which could cause anxiety, creative blockages, frustrations, or depression. Definitely will incorporate lots of yoga, nature, and emotional regulating activities during this year to keep that on check.

Pisces 6th house: with Rahu sitting there, I could see that my attention will gravitate around how I incorporate work, daily routine, health, and exercise with spirituality, creative endeavors, and abstract thinking. I had already experience gut health issues and almost all of those topics shortly after my birthday, so I can see how wherever Rahu is placed in a SR chart, there is a lot of movement for good or worse. With the ruler of 6H going into the 5H, I could see how work and health matters could exacerbate my emotional challenges.

Aries 7th house: Jupiter is siting here, and even though it is retrograde, the functionality of the planet doesn't suddenly stop occuring. It makes Jupiter have a more inward expression if anything. There will most likely be expansion or growth of romantic suitors (specifically male, since its in Aries), contracts, business, relationships of all type of relationships being upgraded somehow, and in general lots of luck with interpersonal skills. Those with whom I develop close relationships will become like teacher, or enjoy providing protection to me. The ruler sits in the 2nd house conjunct with the Sun, so others will either expand my resources or simply have an influence in it. Since its with the sun, it should be beneficial or empowering.

Alllllriiiight, I shall stop here for now and release the 2nd part at another moment!

[pokituu]

I’m so impressed with how many styles you have and that you use them regularly (realistic, semi realistic, 2d, and 2d, 3d & pixel animation)! How did you learn to balance this many and get so good in all of them?

THANK YOUUUU this compliment means so much to me because so often i feel so worried I will stagnate since I basically like to draw the same subject matter over and over again 😳 but I do like to periodically try new things that I'll become invested in for chunks of time.

i guess advice more than just 'practice' is to be willing to try out new things that you have an interest in, even if it doesn't work out at first and is frustrating. you gotta be persistent to learn something new BUT if you get bored then just move on! if it sucks hit da bricks.... I really like this bjork quote abt creativity

idk throughout my life in art i just try to learn about stuff i'm interested in and practice what i wanna practice. like i wanted to get good at pixeling when i was like 14 so i kept practicing and trying new ways to go about it until i started to figure it out. same with digital painting when i was 15 and i just kept trying again and again until it clicked, even though i was frustrated a lot, i never actually lost the interest when i saw people's pretty paintings and that feeling of 'man i wish i could do that!'.... so i literally couldn't stop myself from trying over and over at painting. it goes beyond just drawing too. planet earth is fun because ANYTHING u are interested in you can try........ i make fursuit heads and other crafts to see if i can! this year i started making my own songs and also learned leather-working because i saw a cool craft and wanted to try :3

part of it is letting yourself age too because as you get older you will grow interested in new things. i am 27!! i've been drawing since i could hold a pencil. that's a long time to encounter a lot of stuff to get obsessed about and wanna try out for myself. SUCCESS TIP!: i typically pursue things that are adjacent to other skills i already have invested in, like drawing to 3d sculpture to digital modeling, or start blending them like sculpture + coding skills = 3d animation rigging. The reason is because a lot of these skills are transferable and make it easier to pick up. like a skill tree in a video game... and you'll end up in weird places like sculpture to sewing to leathercraft. It's nice to have creative hobbies you can be sorta be mediocre at without attaching your self worth to it, but other people still often find it impressive anyways because it's stuff they've never tried to do. It's really healing and easier to like what you create And yourself by extension when you're just having fun and learning without having to worry about the end product being "good". Anything you try is not a waste because you are learning new skills and more often than not, something you've learned is transferable to some other area of your life!!!!!!!!! nothing is ever a waste of time.

this is also the secret cure to art block btw well actually there are two secret cures. a) is you have to embrace the art block and go get obsessed with some other creative thing for a bit. either that or b) go absorb other people's creativity to a bit and watch some shows and read books or talk to people. c) is a mix of both. eventually you'll return to art again feeling fresh and motivated if you're willing to give it a few months. I think art block really just means you're bored and need a change of scenery one way or another 🤔 that's just my onion though

TL;DR have fun pursuing things just because you like them. as you keep doing it you'll just get better at it through practice whether you really intend to or not.

[junglefurytrash]

Hi again DW Tumblr, I finished that other OC, and now I can share it with absolutely no guilt because Rox has been sentenced to the shadow realm! :D

So with that, here's my previous post to Stardust, and heeeere is..

"Toon R-008 - Vinessa the Retro DJ"

Type: Toon Role: Backup Distractor & Fast Extractor " Perky and ready to roll, Vinessa's always coming up with new ideas for songs and music! Sometimes a track doesn't always come out the way she'd hope, but that's okay; Vin knows that if you fail at something, you can always get up and try again! " - Information Card/Poster

🌈🌼" I'm more of a classical flower myself.. " 🌼🌈 - Dandy, upon purchasing her Toon License in-game

Twisted Vinessa - "Don't Let Starving Artists Suffer"

Type: Twisted Rarity: Rare " A desire to please and make others happy with their music has turned into a dangerously desperate desire to find her 'audience' again and gain their approval. Vin's sensor will rotate clockwise around the floor, seeking out Toons - Don't trigger it unless you want the DJ to come running! " - Twisted Research

Vinessa's Stats & Trinket:

Twisted Research Trinket: Red & Blue Headphones " These headphones fit your head - and others' - just fine! Decreases the Detection Range of Twisteds on the floor (and also gives them their own cool headphones!). "

Vinessa's Active Ability Icons:

Vinessa's Handler Design, Richter Middleton:

Coming in fast and not furious but instead mostly happy, meet Vinessa the Retro DJ, a Toon made to be a quick-paced Extractor to get floors done ASAP and get the hell outta there, but who is also able to be an additional Distractor just fine if the floor becomes too packed with Twisteds for your resident Goob or Pebble to manage all at once, sporting a 4 Star Extraction Speed and a 4 Star Stamina to make things happen and happen speedily!

Additionally for those hectic floors, especially if you get the Beeg Scary Dog that is T.Pebble, Vinessa's ability is an audio trap! Able to be popped down on any flat surface like the floor or a table, Vinessa can set down the trap and leave it there for as long as she feels necessary (which would most likely be as long as it takes for her and any others to get AWAY from the audio trap), and activate it when the time is right - When activated, the trap will play music, luring all Twisteds not being distracted to the trap and keeping them occupied at the audio trap for a period of time, at which point when it's finished it will go onto cooldown. Vinessa CAN move the audio trap to a new spot, but only if it's not been activated yet - Additionally, allies will be able to tell where the audio trap has been placed thanks to the ability icon showing up in the trap's location in their view. This can give your Distractor(s) some breathing room in cases where there's too many Twisteds to manage and they need stamina/healing, or if there's a Blackout and they don't know where the Twisteds are (as the trap will bring them all to one spot), or just if T.Pebbles is being the resident pain in the backside and your Distractor doesn't want to spend the next several minutes attempting to distract the angry doggo.

Vinessa (otherwise known as Vinny or Vin) is a friendly and extroverted Toon, but she's also a b it of a people-pleaser, to say the least, eager to gain approval of her superiors and of her friends; If she does well, people will listen to her music, and they'll like her music! If she does well, they'll want to hear more, and they get to keep making more! If she does well, she can show up in another episode IN-PERSON, and show up to the other floors of the Centre in-person too! Even if.. She's just gonna be there to make and play music for the others again.. But. Hey! That's what she was made for!..

They were normally down on the Music Production floors of Gardenview Centre, in her booth, creating the music she was ordered to make that would then go through her Handler and other quality control before being played on the speakers of the Centre, the Radios, the show's soundtrack, put onto cassettes and CDs, etc. When everything kicked off and the Centre shut, she was down there working on music, and it took her a long time before she found out what was going on. She stays down there, floor barricaded and protected as best they can, trying to reach out through whatever means she knows to contact Richter, Arthur, Delilah, anybody, to know she's alive and to come find them, all the while still making music.

Richter Middleton was a young music student who was VERY fresh out of school, but very talented in their works, getting hired by Arthur to produce music for the Dandy's World cartoon. When the Centre was opened and the workload massively increased, Delilah thought it would benefit to have a Toon assisting them, and with Arthur's design in hand she brought Vinessa to life and made Richter a Toon Handler, he and Vinny working together on music and bringing life to both the Show and the Centre; They'd most commonly be seen (when not in Music Production) on Vee's specialised themed floor. Richter isn't sure what happened to Vinessa when the Centre shut down; Even if it's been some time, they miss them and worry about their safety..

[kinokoshoujoart]

cora’s bad time hell simulation steps or how to play “sprite station for girl” “harvest moon ds cute” the wrong way

(all ways are wrong this game is Accursed)

ok so here’s what my disorganized “guide” to myself for harvest moon ds for girl (aka indecipherable notes i wrote to myself as i played and revised as i tested various things and restarted due to mistakes) looks like. at some point when i become a real gamer i will write a legible guide meant for eyes to look at but uhhh this is how i play this accursed game personally

i’m not sure if anything i wrote will make any sense since i wrote it as notes to myself so probably definitely use fogu and fc2 jonason wiki (may not work but some pages should be archived) instead

ALSO if you’ve never played or barely played the game it won’t make sense at all! hmds was my first harvest moon so i am used to various horrors!

my play style is probably not fun in general HOWEVER if you are a grinding hell goblin like me then it’s GREAT!!!! if not you may still find it amusing that the game gives you permission to play like this

(it’s a great background task game while doing like productive stuff but otherwise playing this way would probably be unbearable)

(image limit)

anyway after that the days go a lot faster, you’ll get the island on summer 1, so on spring 30 i put all my money into million G tickets and sell 200 of em, do the 5x money thing, and save the rest. so when thomas comes the next day to sell you the 900 million G island you can just sell 180 tickets and do the 5x money thing again with like ~600 million G tickets left over. it takes up inventory but you’ll get the shelf in a few days. basically you just need to remember to order from the TV shopping every saturday and place orders with gotz and gray whenever they finish stuff.

random tips

after unlocking the fuckass hot spring sprites (the ones that require you to spend a total of 700 1 hour sessions in the hot springs) i usually grind grazing points— if you put your animals outside for 5 hours you get a “Love Point”, but if you interact with them after they earn that LP then the timer switches over and you can get another LP after 5 more hours. if you wear the time ring the whole time it’s 2.5 hours. i’m not very good at explaining this but basically if you’re super efficient you can get way more animal LP than you realistically should, which is great because the touch glove petting minigame is Bad!!!!

i usually wait on getting the rest of the purple sprites (the ones that require you to hire the purple team and ask for healing) until i’m totally done with the indigo team, cuz i wanna get HG’s purple heart event asap, but you can switch the order if you want

by summer y1 you’ll basically have a feel for everything. aside from Skye, Leia, HG and WP everyone can be married early-mid autumn if you want

if you want to Gay (in the japanese version only) keira is the quickest to marry. leia is the quickest to max affection but it’s impossible to get leia year 1 because the bottle you need to fish up can only be caught in spring. you have to wait until at least year 5 for WP and iirc year 6 for HG.

[tordenvejr]

I do not want to be here anymore. I did not ask to be born in this system. I do not want to exist when my productivity and how much money I can make for a billionaire are valued more than my life. I do not want to exist in the patriarchy, under capitalism, engaging in compulsory heterosexuality to get by. I cannot have the life I dreamed of due to my chronic health issues. I do not belong anywhere and I have searched my whole life for a place to call home besides myself. I do not know what happiness is. I have not experienced it for a long time. I do not have a strong support network outside of my therapist. I have always been the black sheep in my family and wherever I go. I am tired of being abused by people claiming to love and care about me. I cannot afford to be alive.

your reaction is appropriate! it's appropriate, reasonable and healthy to react this way to the pain, restriction, control and exploitation that you mention. when we can't see any other way of relief or solution the only door we feel we can turn to is giving up or dying. this in and of itself makes sense, but be extra introspective if this is something that has been modeled to you as a child - death as a threat or death as a solution. but the world wants you in it, i didn't know you, but now i do and i want you in it. let's lean towards solution.

feel your feelings, give yourself permission to feel angry, hopeless, hurt, and whatever else you may feel, and when you have done this test the waters of the belief that though it is what we want, in this moment, not everything needs to change for you to be here.

capitalism is a problem, it is soul-sucking and evil, and what does that call you to do? where can you find relief, maybe not complete, but relief? is there a different place that you can pursue to work that will grant you more peace? or is the country you're in the end-goal of living for you? is there somewhere that seems kinder, more supportive? give yourself a moment to exist within the possibilities before you shut them down and doubt them, you deserve at least that. is it right for you to work for others or is it right for you to work for yourself? what enjoyment can you accept to sustain you? is there a way to do business that keeps a roof over your head, food in your belly - that also reaches beyond and operates in a way that is not forced by capitalism? could you incorporate trading? a pricing based on income? what communities share your values that you can become a part of? these things that i mention are not all there is, but they may serve as inspiration. how can you show up in a way that clearly values your life over the profit others may gain from you?

how can you lean into what is for you? if compulsive heterosexuality is on one side, what is on the other? truth? expression? permission to be you? where can you go that your authenticity is encouraged?

physical conditions can be so overwhelming and exhausting, and that's an appropriate response to it. you may not have the life that you envisioned for yourself, there may be grief to be felt here before coming to any degree of acceptance. that's okay, you're allowed to grieve, it will not break you. you have to forgive your body or it will carry double the pain. your life is not what you thought it would be - how can you do what is that your heart? what are the work arounds? what are the new possibilities? beyond this, how can you give your body it's greatest chance of healing, recovery or minimization of symptoms? with nervous system exercises, with leaning into safety whenever the option is presented. it requires consistency to do this, especially when one's environment is a threat, but it is possible.

what is home to you? is it safety, warmth, laughter, company? how can you grow these elements? what do you associate with safety, running water, certain music; play this. what shows make you laugh? whose company do you want? what would a caring support system look like to you? show up with open arms wherever it is appropriate for you, lex, bumble, meetup, a book club, etc. create it! you may not arrive somewhere that gives you that peace you think will envelop you when you finally arrive - but you absolutely can grow it.

happiness might be too far for now, then reach for willingness or acceptance. follow that direction and eventually you'll meet happier again.

feel the loneliness of being the black sheep, there's nothing wrong with this response either! it's natural, it's survival, that it hurts to be different and to not feel understood.

being tired of something is just what you need to say stop, you don't necessarily need to say stop with your words (though it can be cathartic and useful) you can start hanging up, leaving when the conversation takes an uncomfortable turn, you can stop seeing these people. you are perfectly within your right to do this, and you are perfectly capable. something being daunting or uncomfortable does not mean you cannot do it.

feeling like you can't afford to live feels horrible and withering, and that's because it's not how it's supposed to be. it's not right. reach for any support possible, maybe that's online. move in the direction of relief - i know it can feel impossible, and i know it may take some time, but reach. and beyond that, look into it there is a wound that may be older that you have been carrying, saying you do not have the means for safety, belonging, life. feel the pain in it, examine the beliefs you have about your own worth within it.

i'm telling you i'm meeting all of the issues you describe as well, and i'm still here, i don't have it all figured out, but i am figuring it out and you absolutely can too

[fr-wiwiw]

I have no art to post— actually I do. It's my studies and sketches, sfw & nsfw, things like that. But I haven't been deliberately drawing something. Mainly I've just been focusing on sharpening my art skills to gain commissions as I'm a freelance human artist, in the midst of AI chaos, I'm trying my very best to keep up while not draining myself.

So I just want to give you some updates of my life, idk if this is important or not. I'm still a bit constipatedly (is this even a fucking word lol) awkward with communicating with my followers or advertising myself. Ironic, really, bcs I majored in design & advertisement.

Hi there, my lovelies—I hope you don't mind me calling you all that. I've been trying to do healthy habits and diligently fulfill my needs in 3 aspects. Mentally, spiritually and physically. For the past 7± years, I was not really in a great place mentally. I will not expose it in this post, don't worry it doesn't have anything to do with drugs or whatnot. Just that I've been constantly working and working, controlled by fear and my anxieties and I got depressed I think.

I didn't really understand how to actually 'heal' back then. But now I do now. Starting from January I've been trying to bounce back to have a healthy mindset again— trust me when I say I'm an overthinker & problem solver, it's such a nightmare to live in this body sometimes. Fellow overthinker, problem-solver & feeler type will relate to this perhaps hahah.. I'm a turbulence type too, fucking yay. Luckily, my prayers are answered. I can't write it down one by one here, you would be reading a 10k+ fanfiction and I'm sure you'd rather have me draw or write a real fanfic, smut would be preferable won't it? lol

I have many things change, become my better self (bcs I was, still am obsessed becoming better than my past self and I'm tired of living in such dark headspace). I do feel the changes, it helps that I have better friends, filtered out some that affects me negatively. This journey going into my 30s really is such a roller coaster, I never liked my 20s bcs of all the trauma and pain. But I wouldn't be able to reach this point if it wasn't for it.

So.. I'm grateful. Trying to always be grateful too, no matter how hard my circumstances are. I have faith that I will get what I've always envisioned and dream of

I'm also grateful that in 2022, a friend encouraged me to post my Gahan fanart. Now this may seem like biased and dedicated post for my Gahan moots & followers, in some way yes, I cannot deny that. But mostly this is too all of you, who come here and follow me bcs you like my arts & fanfics, supports me however you can despite having our own hardships that we may or may not share here. Your responses to my creations really feeds me and help me boost my confidence to keep drawing & keep creating, keep hoping. I always read your hashtags here, a lot of you are really such a hilarious individuals. I'm grateful my art can find you or you find my art and take delight in it. Because I do take delight in your reactions. In some ways, I never realized it, but you guys feel like penpals. It still feel one-way communication most of the time, idk if it's because of my awkwardness to respond to such responses. Feeling like, ah this too will pass or just bask in the reactions and sit then do nothing productive. I'm kinda scared I will be satisfied with one post and then not post anymore. You get it.. Yea you can probably tell by now I'm up in my head thinking too much. Posting that first Gahan fanart on twitter really was the best decision. It feels like I gained a special community, that's surprisingly still active and alive till this very day, I'm always waiting for new fics to drop gosh. I get to see tweets & tumblr posts that are deranged, detailed analysis, fan edits, those gifs, aus, fellow artists & authors! I get to know little bits of your daily lives too and what kind of person you are online haha, just so fun.

And then my freelancing journey.. My decision to become a freelancer has always been one of my dreams but boy oh boy isn't it fucking hard to start from 0 and exist in confusion haha. Money doesn't come easy too bcs I help feed my family along with my siblings. I've been swallowing all my jealousy seeing ppl my age can go out and watch concerts (even tho I don't like crowded & noisy places like that). Going on vacation, be in a romantic relationship, marry, so on and so forth. Idk if this is tmi posting my feelings like this out in the world, but it is what it is.

So.. TLDR:

Hi, I'm alive. I haven't post or updated much bcs I've been focusing on my well being. Honing my art skills, trying to get art commissions to put food on my table and simultaneously enjoying life as much as I could wisely. Thankyou to all of you who are still following me and keep supporting me, I will have to say, If you follow me for only Gahan posts, I have to disappoint you bcs I won't always post Gahan bcs I draw other things too. For my enjoyment, yours, others and mostly for me to gain market for commission too. This is norm, I'm sure most of you realized that too. But I still want to address things to you, I like interacting with all of you. I won't be surprised if one day you leave/unfollow, but let me be grateful to you while you're still here supporting me ^^

That's all for my update. I try my best to make this post as short but effective as possible so I don't bore you with my long ass writing, per usual lol. I cannot seem to write in shorts, I have accepted my faith lmao.

I wish you all well, wherever you are. I hope we can all be happy and well in this dark and uncertain place. Don't hesitate to give comments or drop questions here, I'm cooking my skills and art taste so I can give more to you and be satisfied with what I will achieve along with the progress.

See you in the next post!🌟

[pawsitivevibe]

I think it was a really bad idea to quit my job after all. I knew this would happen. I have no motivation, and I can't focus on anything. My job forced me to do things constantly, be productive. Everything had to be done now now now so there was no time for drifting off. Same with my previous job, and the one before that. Maybe I didn't realize how bad my focus and motivation problems were getting because I've been working You HAVE to do it Now Now Now jobs since I was 17. I'm worried stopping now will make it too hard to get started again. I might get in contact with my old boss and see if actually I can come back to work. My husband will be upset, but I clearly need something where I HAVE to do it. All these stupid jobs were like physically destroying me, but I just can't let myself become totally fucking useless, and I obviously can't do a Thinking job ... It's only been two weeks ish but I already can tell I'm becoming useless. Yeah I'm supposed to use this time to figure out my health and "heal" but my doctor doesn't seem to want to help me, so what's the point? Like I cannot wait months for any real medical progress like she seems to think I can. I don't understand why she won't just do something NOW?

This idea that maybe it's ADHD and therefore treatable/manageable is kinda nice, but I highly doubt that's really the case. I am just lazy if given the time to be. I need a job that is just constant. No time to not focus, no time for indecision or brain fog. And the chronic pain is constant, so I need a distraction from it too. Maybe the ideal would be some sort of busy work job that is less intense for my body, but doesn't give any time for slacking, and provides constant non-Thinking type work. Hmmm.

I always thought I'd never be truly fulfilled unless I could, y'know, actually use my brain for something. But I think my brain actually can't do much after all. My body feels like it's falling apart, but I can't just NOT use it to work because I can't do the Smart People jobs.

[mithliya]

this might seem a little insane but ive been thinking about this topic lately and figured i'd share some of my rambles in your ask box, perhaps you'll also find it interesting: the original concept of comphet, as in, adrienne rich's, is obviously polilez nonsense. but a couple aspects of how the term "comphet" is used nowadays in social media might actually have some truth to them. i don't use the term that much anymore since it's become so broad, with so many different connotations. i've come to find that, in some cases, it's accurately describing the phenomenon of meta attraction, a concept in sexology. now, i've got my own criticisms regarding sexology as a field, and especially some of Ray Blanchard's claims... but allow me to explain what i've been thinking: meta attraction to men, in this case, is when you experience arousal of some sort in sexual situations with men, but you aren't actually physically attracted to the man, his body and genitalia and so. you can't even fall in love with men. instead, the arousal is the product of an attraction to yourself. in trans women who fit the autogynephilia category, they are actually exclusively gynephilic, but may experience arousal when they're with men, because comparing themselves with men makes them feel "more like a woman," it makes them feel validated. they're attracted to themselves as women, being with men is simply a proxy by which they experience this attraction to their conceptual womanhood. somewhat similarly, but obviously with a different etiology, some women (as in adult female human this time), especially if they've undergone psychological trauma, aren't attracted to men or male bodies at all, ranging from lack of attraction to active repulsion, but may end up in situations with men as self harm, seeking some kind of gray area consent/nonconsent that makes them feel victimized, vulnerable, endangered, small. they're experiencing meta attraction fueled by masochism, by an erotic target location error; the erotic target being themselves, how they look in comparison to the violent male. this hypothesis i've been thinking of regarding what actually constitutes as legitimate "comphet" has been helping me a lot, sorting out my feelings and organizing them. it just makes sense. there can even be feminist analysis surrounding this aspect of sexology. it honestly helped me heal from trauma and made me more willing to assert my boundaries. i don't need to give in to men's advances just because i hate myself and have some kind of impulse to hurt myself further. recovery is possible and i genuinely want to heal now. so, what do you think?

honestly i’m not sure about the arousal part, it’s interesting for sure but i don’t think lesbians face arousal during sex w men caused by them imagining themselves in contrast to the man. i do think someone traumatised might put themselves thru that but the reasoning for it that u came up with has the groundworks of a good sexology theory…. but i don’t think it reflects reality

[ttrpgadventurer]

So... The Witcher has a TTRPG??

So, The Witcher TTRPG is going on hiatus... which would upset me, if it wasn't for the fact that I only learned about its existence literally 5 years after its announcement. Anyways, unfortunately for The Witcher and TTRPG fans who are aware of the TTRPG's existence, Comic Book announced on the 27th of August, 2023, that the TTRPG's development has been put on hiatus until The Witcher 4 is released. This was first announced at Gen Con 2023, and later also announced via R. Talsorian Games' blog, on the 21st of August. It is a shame, but it is nice to see that unlike the director of the TV series, R. Talsorian Games and CD Projekt Red are actually interested in keeping things lore accurate.

If you're like me, having just learnt about its existence, R. Talsorian does have a quick-start guide or 'Easy Mode', as they put it. You can download it for free via the link on their website, and it's free! If you have the money to spare, there is the Core Rulebook available for $24.99 USD, and the Lords and Lands expansion for $8 USD. If you're more of a visual learner, R Talsorian Games published a playlist of videos explaining the rules and gameplay of the entire system on YouTube. If you'd like to see an actual session being run, you can watch the full 2-hour playthrough that IGN did here.

From a glance at the pregenerated character sheets, and from the first 30 minutes of the Witcher TTRPG playthrough, the system runs pretty similarly to D&D. It's set in a fantasy setting, you've got racial abilities, skills and also something similar to an armour class. The main differences is the dice system (you only need d10s and d6s), the inclusion of the Witcher as a race, the combat system, inclusion of critical wounds and the fumbling system (aka when you roll a nat 1). The inclusion of Critical Wounds definitely makes damage and getting hurt a lot more dangerous, since it's not as simple as getting someone to heal you and moving on with your day. It's a ruthless system, and the creators of the TRPG definitely intended for it be to so. Quite fitting for the Witcher, with how it's advertised as a "dark and dangerous world".

Lorewise, the Witcher TRPG is pretty friendly to people unfamiliar with Witcher, and according to the easy mode guide, the Core Rulebook has a full rundown of the history of the Witcher world. Even someone like me with little to no knowledge of the Witcher understood some of it pretty quickly once the GM for the IGN game gave the rundown of the Witcher world. Of course, I know it's not that simple, and I welcome anyone who's more familiar with Witcher lore to give a more thorough explanation of it.

I guess, putting aside the dumpster fire that the TV series is becoming (Henry Cavill as Geralt will be missed), at least the video games seem to be good? I have to admit, I only started watching the TV series recently and looking up The Witcher's video game series to be caught up on the lore and other specifics of it. I'm just a casual TTRPG fan running a TTRPG blog that's based around finding out about all sorts of TTRPGs aside from D&D. Learning about the TRPG's existence has certainly piqued my interest in the video game lore!

The Witcher 4's development is still pretty under wraps by CD Projekt Red. However, considering how the mainline games have been released about 4 years apart, it should have been released 4 years ago? But delays in production do happen, so I reckon it should be a year or two until 'Project Sirius' is released. While that is happening, I think I'll take the time and catch myself up on the video games series.

[kithtaehyung]

Ryen, I have read 3tan window and the first thought was ‘wow’.

Unlike my fellow readers, I am not usually a lover of all things chaos (though I don’t blame them) but this was a hearty exception. So much to unpack and you did the majority of it all in one room. Honestly that’s what impresses me most, you manage to make something so real and detailed out of something so confined and simple.

The two of them together just make so much sense. The switch in… attitude? in the middle of the sex scene felt like a metaphor to me but I don’t know it that was your intention.

As much as I said I related to Yoongi in all the previous chapters (can’t wait to see what you think of that review), which I do a painful (it’s healing) amount, I actually found myself relating to your main character more this time.

I also don’t really do holidays for various reasons. But seeing main character go through these emotions felt so normalizing. We shouldn’t treat people like crap simply because we’re in moods but sometimes it just takes that one person to snap us back to reality. People have histories that stick and his sincerity when responding to her’s was so deep.

Seriously, the emotional parts of this story are making my brain so soft. It makes me feel weirdly confident. I don’t know what else to say, you know? I’m usually terrible at emotions but 3tan makes me want to talk more for some reason.

I really appreciate you for writing these things out because this is the most human story (I really feel it could be a novel). I’m giving you and all your readers a very brief group hug (consent permitting, of course) because I really do enjoy it here.

Thank you - 🎷

oh my gosh, sax!! :')) this is damn amazing. wow. (ironically, the same reaction you had to window lol)

i'm glad you were okay with all the chaos that unfolded in this part! and you're right, this was pretty much a bottle episode until the ending scenes since all the "outside" ones before that were flashbacks. you know.. i didn't even realize that until reading this commentary the first time. you're so observant that you noticed something i didn't lmfao you're amazing.

the switch in attitude was certainly intentional! they both went from holding on to their frustration and using that, to finally coming to the deeper intimacy after yoongi knew reader understood what he was trying to say the whole time. and i shall get to your review - which i am excited about! - but this one is super cool to see you relating to reader. bc these things are universal, whether you see yourself in yoongi, or reader, or even both.

normalize not being okay with the holidays and accepting that there are people that don't do them!! especially if they have bad situations surrounding them. but also, yes, we need to be aware that our emotions can get the best of us and burn people we don't really intend to. it's all about gaining that awareness and learning from it.

i'm glad it's making you confident. my hope for this story is for it to show people that we just need to communicate more. both sides. bc relationships are built on words most of the time, and the quicker we hash things out or say what we want or don't want, the more productive it becomes.

a novel? oh, wow.. that's huge praise. thank you (and i'll take the group hug)<3 i enjoy having you here, as well, and this review made me smile multiple times. thank you so much for all the commentary and onto all the rest of this ride!

[jakesangel]

im having a break before continuing my degree so i spend a lot of time alone. i feel like im perfectly fine since i dont feel sad or anxious, i think my mental is okay and nothing’s wrong. i just want to be able to enjoy my hobbies back ☹️ but i just want you to know that your daily updates and asks really makes me happy everyday and it has become something im looking forward to. thank you so much for being a good listener ❤️

i'm glad my updates makes you happy > < so you do look forward to something then ?ᩚ n even read post on tumblr? if so i dont think youre in a slumo but perhabs your hobbies arenr full filling you anymore n that you are changing... or that you can experience anhedonia.

from what i've hear, you maybe just need a break but a planned one ᵎᵎ if you don't take breaks ( yes even hobbies ) you get tired n ur body/mind gives you signals . i personally do them a lot so that i can avoid burn-out. im actually off of mine since yesterday n i was excited more than ever to be productive again. so even if i want to do my workout or study, i'll force myself to not to, for two weeks so that i can rest n focus on healing my mind off of work. our bodies can get tired so succumb to your feeling n accept it ᵎ it also gives me time to discover new things, that could possibly become my new hobbies ᵎ

you can also be addicted of overproduction of dopamine, like you want to do then but doesn't bring u as munhc joy as scrolling ur phone for example. or you're escaping reality ( idrk what you are doing during your day but if daydream a lot, it could be that ᵎ )

i think to come out of a slump in general you just do an instropection n have a clean or new environment. that could mean your body or your bedroom. so if u can change something about your apparence or have a specially body care day ᵎ same w your bedroom, go take urself in a date n buy some accessories or a new bed sheet to change things up. having a clean environment means having a clear mind n it also automatically makes us want to do something ^__^ also surround urself w ur friends ᵎ wathcing a movie with them will help you, the same as reading. read a book w a friend at the same time n give you guys a end time so you can talk about together ><

i hope those could help you ᵎ i've experienced slumps but they were more emotionals one so i'm note sure if i've been the biggest help. but u can always comeback in my inbox if needed <3

[chroniclesofaveganbodybuilder]

chronicles of a vegan bodybuilder (29/90)

'i'll b damned if i cannot dance w/ u'

– Beyoncé, "TEXAS HOLD EM"

"i fucking ruined my body... and it's too late for me"

This is my 2nd or 3rd week of being plant-based. for the last month or so i've incorporated dried mint into my heavy cannabis tobacco smoking routine. During the Beyoncé album tonight, off maybe 250/300mg of a gummy, the paranoia slash reality check kicked in especially as i tried to burn my lungs to innocent guitar strums from inside the hearts of children.

The vitality of Beyoncé as manifested through her restless creativity and emotional honesty put a mirror up to me and my life choices. My relationships, my work. i wrote this from inside service to all of you. By tagging COWBOY CARTER and being inspired to focus on my farming we tap in to take it to the stars. i'm lucky that i know enough from a past decade or so of health-consciousness to pivot. i have a link card. i have a free home & fresh food. by tapping in with this blog and within a bigger platform we all become stronger.

i most likely had non-vegan pizza during my plant-based time. i'd also like to cut out gluten. These are banal things that strike me now that i'm dying. My chest pounds, my canals weak, my eyes sunken, my face swollen, skin discolored. Like my friend before she died, like she was dying. From sadness? i don't know, bc i've been dying from sadness. In solidarity i tell myself. And so i die alone.

At least my grandfather had someone there. i'm going to get up and take my blood pressure in a bit.i'll do the things my peers are afraid to do. They've been smoking and drinking, ruining their bodies with my microplastics. Buying posion products in big plastic. From this point on, i'm counting my gains.

GAINS

LUNG HEALTH +60 min

TEETH HYGIENE +60min

ENVIRONMENTAL HYGIENE 0+

NOISE POLLUTION 0+

SOCIAL +1

LIVER +1

app tracks ur psoitive behavior like thatndonundont have to type

Don't spend all day typing either. Relish in simple reflections of real work & experiences* Go Live!

Give credit to everyone"what have i been doing to my beautiful body?" Make chamomile tea. Order ginger. Am i too late?Try again tomorrow... put it in your schedule! i've been abusing my body through executive dysfunction. All based around living out a hip-hop / rock n roll lifestyle as i dealt with the pressures of life. Now in the middle of the night, i wish as i come down, to get up and vacuum. Make GAINS in air quality. Make GAINS in tasks concerning water quality. And Medical Information. Yes, these are the things i should have done befofe i died. Now my thumbs are tired and my stomach is filled poison, my lungs are fried.

1:11 am

GAINS: 25+ deep breaths

8 BENEFITS

either take gluten out or possibly sub an herb in

1:23 am

sometimes breathing can be hard. but it's worth it. it's all we got.Poison in my hood. Poisoned by metal. What have i done to myself. i need a lung transplant fast. And i need to make a doctor's appointment. i could die any moment. i need to

GAINS

PHONE ADDICTION -50

DEEP BREATHS +100

Later...

The good news is: if this were a week ago i'd be binge drinking & eating dead animals covered in oil, grease, devoid of the green energy we share instead my muscles gently ache from my first workout in who knows how long (this blog knows)my teeth are healing and my lungs are working, i look forward to more questions and goals

Today's Question: What answers do i know so far?

Today's Goal: Two week tolerance break til 4/20

[firstumcschenectady]

“Dazzling Blackness” based on Exodus 16:15-25 and Mark 9:2-9

This week has included a delightful amount of sunlight.  Which was nice because I'd almost forgotten what it was like.  Several times I found myself turning my face to the sun, closing my eyes, and just savoring the wonder of warmth on my face.

The sun can feel like a gift directly from God, especially after dreary winter days, and I have realized that the delightful warmth of the sun is something I associate with the story of the transfiguration, when we're told “And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them.”  I envision Jesus shining like the sun.

Which, I think is pretty much in the text.

And I think is a gorgeous metaphor.

It is an especially gorgeous metaphor in the time it comes from, when nights were unyieldingly dark and the sun was the way things were illuminated.  When it was day, people could see clearly.  When it was night, they could not.  Then, to have Jesus shine like the sun serves to remind people of the ways God illuminates truths that are otherwise not easily seen.  Its lovely.

I think, though, that is also incomplete.  If Jesus shining like the sun was one single metaphor in the midst of many, it would be an important one.  But there are a LOT of metaphors about God and Jesus as the Light of the World, and all together they end up creating a mental narrative that light is good and dark is bad.  Right?  Which fits the whole “it is easier to see things in light” idea.

Light is only half the story.  I've been asked a lot about day and night recently, and found myself saying, “it is dark right now because the sun is shining on the other half of the world.”  Light and darkness are balanced on our planet, and focusing on just one half of that whole gets us out of balance.

The total solar eclipse is seen from Charleston, South Carolina, on August 21, 2017. / AFP PHOTO / MANDEL NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP via Getty Images)

And darkness has its own profound spiritual gifts.  Darkness is the space for rest and restoration.  It is also the time for un-productivity.  Those things you can do in the light – the planting and sowing, knitting and weaving, cooking (or gathering manna) and cleaning up – just don't work as well in the dark.  Historically nighttime was for storytelling and song, snuggling and simply being.  The demands of the day couldn't be met a night, so night had its own softer rhythm.

Slower, more about connection and joy, a time to make sense of things that had happened, a time to consider what was coming.  Time for prayer, and contemplation.  Time for rest – physical and otherwise.

In this “city that lights and hauls the world,” we are at the epicenter of messing up darkness by making it possible to be productive during the night!  Maybe this is why the image of Jesus shining feels incomplete to me – we are used to lots of shining and seeing the value of light, but we don't get enough darkness.

In the book “The Dark Night of the Soul” by Thomas Moore, the metaphor of darkness is expanded and used to make space for times of grief, uncertainty, and when healing is desperately needed.  Moore talks of those as times when we can't connect to God because the ways we once understood God don't fit how we now understand things.  For him, the darkness becomes a womb, a place where development is happening without being seen, a place one stays in until one is ready to leave and able to thrive outside the womb.

Which is all to say that God is found in the darkness, and not just in the light, and I fear that modern Christian faith over focuses on the light, just like modern life does.  We fight back the darkness with LED bulbs, and we miss the gifts the darkness means to give us.

I also want to take this one step further, when we associate light with God we then end up associating darkness with … not God?  Maybe even with evil.  In our society, which is full up to the brim with white supremacy narratives, that creates big dangers.  At the time of Jesus, racism wasn't one of the issues on the table.  But today, it IS.  And while light and dark aren't the same thing as light skin and dark skin, they're related enough that when we emphasize the goodness of light, we end up supporting the narratives of white supremacy.  And when we emphasize fighting back against the powers of darkness, we end up supporting the narratives of white supremacy.

Which, clearly, isn't what we want to do. 

So I want to reimagine this story in the simplest of ways.  What if Peter, James, and John get to the top of the mountain and see Jesus transfigured before them, and his clothes become dazzlingly black, such as no pigment on earth could dye them?  And then the story goes on like we know it, with Elijah and Moses appearing, Peter sticking his foot in his mouth, God blessing Jesus, and Jesus requesting the whole experience stays a secret.

What happens in our imagination if the clothes are dazzling black?  What happens if we see Jesus transfigured and instead of the ways that light is reflected by white, what we see is light being absorbed by black?  Is it less dazzling?  More?  Less sacred?  More?  Maybe just the same, but different too.

Of the many gifts of darkness, one of them is that there aren't shadows in darkness.  Jung speaks eloquently about our shadow selves, the ones we try to hide that emerge despite out best efforts.   Which, really sounds like the metaphor I'm concerned about, but I think we can glean something from it.  Especially because the parts we experience as “shadows” are wonderful and important parts of ourselves that we've denied, but are are beloved by God.  But in darkness, there are no shadows.  Which I think suggests that darkness makes space for us to integrate ourselves, the self we project into the world with the self we try to hide, and to simply be as a human – imperfect but beloved by God.   Darkness lets us be whole, make space for our whole self, and notices the gifts of all aspects of our beings.  Darkness is a place for healing and integration!  What a wonderful, and needed, gift!

What if the dazzling black of Jesus's clothes that is awe inspiring like catching a glimpse of the cosmos itself, was also an experience of profound love where Peter, James, and John realized that they were loved as they were – all parts of themselves, even the ones that they struggled to love or were ashamed of?  What if the reason Peter offers to build a monument is because it is so utterly amazing to find out that God can love the whole of you, even when you struggle to do so yourself?  What if the dazzling blackness is being wrapped in the story that you are already loved, just as you are, without hesitation, and without an expectation that it takes producing enough to be enough?  What if our humanity is found in the meaning-making of darkness instead of in the production of light?

What if the dazzling blackness is another form of manna in the desert – a way of God taking care of the things the people need?  And what if it is meant to be shared with abundance because there is plenty – of manna, of love, of darkness? 

What if all we have to do to experience it is to turn out the lights?

Amen

February 11, 2024

Rev. Sara E. Baron  First United Methodist Church of Schenectady  603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305  Pronouns: she/her/hers  http://fumcschenectady.org/  https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

[maguro13-2]

Hiromu Arakawa : [grumbles] Kamierabi. Kamierabi. Alright. Mr Ohkubo, you have your chance with video game legend Yoko Taro to of getting your show on the air after you abandoned your own manga characters that you left to die! And now the Ohkuboverse is gone because of you, ya idiot! Well, at least the new protagonist I introduced has now become the new star on the Gangan Joker magazine line. Fine! I'll just watch the first episode of Yoko Taro's new show that fans of Soul Eater wanted to look at. Wonder what's this show about any way?

"After watching the first episode..."

Yoko Taro : My first animated tv show is finally on the air during the block program on Fuji TV, fans of Nier are really going to see this one in action! So what do you think of it, Arakawa? What did you think of it!?

Atsushu Ohkubo : So, did you like it....?

(pauses for a moment)

*crickets chirping*

Hiromu Arakawa : ....(holds out a guitar)

*GUITAR SMASH!*

Hiromu Arakawa : Kamierabi, my ass! Who needs to watch this crap anyway? I'm going over to Wit Studio to have Moonrise in production! Didn't have time to waste my time for this CGI trash!

(door closes)

(birds chirping)

Yoko Taro : (goofy voice] I think that I am a genius. Does anybody have an cube of ice for a pack to heal myself? I didn't realize that I was planning Death Game show since Future Diary.

Atsushi Ohkubo : [goofy voice] Told ya I get that she still pisses me off about that! I designed the characters to look like the ones from the manga

Yoko Taro : [in a normal voice] But hey, if you were in charge of designing the characters to look like the ones from your manga, what happened to the Ohkuboverse that existed in Real World AU? And more importantly, what happened to the previous protags you created!?

"Meanwhile..."

Shotaro : Hey, let us go! Looks like we got ourselves on the wrong foot! The truth is we lied about the Ohkuboverse, Demon Vibe. Look, The Shadow Realm is cool! We promise that we beings from the Ohkuboverse to never tell a lie again! This was Shinra's idea that he started!

Shinra : What!? I told you that I was gonna bring hope to win, but you didn't let Truth from FMA to believe that the Ohkuboverse we lived in was a facade and now it's your fault that you got me and everyone else into this mess!

Tsugumi : What!? Our fault!? Everything was perfect in the Ohkuboverse until the Time Eater came and destroyed it to reveal that Soul World was completely a facade!

Shinra : If the Men of my influence wouldn't been hiding the truth from all of you, you would be all too stupid that the villains we faced in the ohkuboverse has been puppets on a string to Demon Vibe! The entire time

Tsugumi : Well, that's the problem about dealing with heartlesses in the first place! Right, Maka? Maka...?

Shinra : I think she's still in Real World AU with her boyfriend, Makoto. That Phantom guy.

Shotaro : Then where did the Time Eater brought someone that isn't Maka Albarn and is from the 1930s?

Time Eater : Time to take out the trash! Sending you to the place where you belong!

Inky Albarn : What? No! What do you think you're doing!? Please don't do this to me! I liked being the hero of Soul World, I got a reputation of being a meister. I'm Maka Albarn and I'm the coolest, I can't go back to the 1930s right now! I disguised myself as the one and only Maka Albarn, I have authority for being a shounen protag! No wait! I didn't deserve this! I deserve to be the most respected hero in the World! I swear it! The world of Soul Eater is mine! I can change the author's ways of- [The Time Eater sends her into the portal to 1930s au] NOOOOO....*fades*

Shinra : Well this sucks! We're gonna be stuck here forever!

Tsugumi : I thought being a hero would be cool! Thanks a lot, Shinra!

Shotaro : Yeah, Shinra! This is all your fault!

Shinra : Oh bite my shiny metal--

Demon Vibe : Silence! Your transgressions has caused me nothing but trouble! It's time that I give your attitude a new meaning to what it means to be the great and powerful Demon Vibe that I am! To put yourselves into submissions for your reckless way in Angel Vibe's plans, the same way as your foolishness of being heroes.

Shinra : No...No...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

~ Farwell Heroes of the Ohukoboverse, Forever! ~

[wiredlyrelatable]

PICTH MEETING OR PERSONAL ONE...

A team of the people representing their company sit in the board room of their office waiting to meet the partners of the company to talk about launching a new product. A man and a woman walk inside and as they open the door NAKUL who was already sitting there with his colleagues, turns to look at them and in shock, in his mind thinks,

NAKUL: OH MY GOD ERICA! SHE IS WORKING WITH THIS COMPANY!

She looks at everyone there and with a plain and expression less face she says,

ERICA: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! LET'S START THE MEETING PLEASE.

Everyone sits down when RAHUL starts the presentation and next NAKUL continuing the presentation finishes it after which KARAN, the partner who came with ERICA says,

KARAN: THE PITCH IS INTERESTING BUT I DON'T THINK THE MARKET IS READY FOR A NEW PRODUCT NOW.

ERICA: BUT I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO ATLEAST RELEASE A FEW SAMPLES AND UNDERSTAND THE CURRENT STATUS OF THE MARKET, WHAT SAY?

KARAN: OKAY LET'S TRY THAT!

ERICA: RELEASE ALL THE PRODUCTS YOU HAVE WITH YOU ALL NOW AND IF THE DEMAND FOR THESE ARE HIGH, LET THE PRODUCTION TEAM KNOW ASAP SO THAT THEY CAN PRODUCE MORE.

Without missing a beat KARAN with a smile says,

KARAN: THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!

The meeting gets over so all of them leave when NAKUL stops ERICA in the meeting room itself and after everyone leaves he asks,

NAKUL: HEY! YOU DIDN'T RECOGNISE ME OR YOU HAVE BECOME A GOOD ACTRESS?

ERICA: NAKUL! PLEASE DON'T CREATE A SCENE HERE.

NAKUL: I AM SURE THAT I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIND YOU AGAIN IF I DON'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

ERICA: NAKUL! THIS IS OUR WORK PLACE. WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET PERSONAL HERE.

NAKUL: I DON'T CARE! THAT NIGHT YOU JUST LEFT FROM THE RESTRAUNT WITHOUT INFORMING ANYTHING, EVEN AFTER OUR DATE WENT WELL. WHY?

ERICA: THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD AN EMERGENCY.

NAKUL: YOU COULD HAVE MESSAGED ME ABOUT IT LATER RIGHT?

She getting irritated, holds her head, sits on the chair there and asks,

ERICA: WHY ARE YOU SO PISSED AT ME? AFTER ALL WE MET ON THAT NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME RIGHT? YOU ARE BEHAVING AS IF WE HAD A RELATIONSHIP OF YEARS AND I BROKE UP WITH YOU WITHOUT ANY REASON.

NAKUL: I AM THIS PISSED BECAUSE I FELT A CONNECTION AND STILL DO.

ERICA: STILL?

He continued looking at her, walked towards her, holds her hands and sitting on his knees, in front of her asks,

NAKUL: ERICA I REALLY LIKE YOU! WILL YOU BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME?

She taking her hands off his, gets up and moving away from him says,

ERICA: NAKUL SERIOUSLY! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS RIGHT NOW MAN?

She tries to walk outside the room when he comes in front of her, pulls the files off her hand, keeps them behind him and asks,

NAKUL: BE HONEST ERICA! COME ON!

ERICA: FINE! I LEFT BECAUSE MY FRIEND MESSAGED ME THAT MY EX HAS HARMED HIMSELF BECAUSE I DIDN'T AGREE TO BE WITH HIM AFTER WE BROKE UP DUE TO A HUGE FIGHT WE HAD.

NAKUL: OH! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS INSTEAD OF VANISHING LIKE THAT.

ERICA: HE WAS ADMITTED IN THE HOSPITAL DUDE. I HAD TO HURRY UP, SO COULDN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO RETURN FROM THE WASHROOM.

NAKUL: HMM! SO ARE YOU BACK WITH HIM THEN?

ERICA: NO! I ENDED IT A FEW DAYS AGO AS IT WAS GETTING TOXIC EVERY MOMENT.

NAKUL: THAT MEANS YOU ARE SINGLE. THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

ERICA: NAKUL! I ACTUALLY WANT A BREAK FROM LOVE. I NEED TO HEAL MYSELF FROM ALL THE SCARS THE PREVIOUS ONE GAVE ME. I DON'T WANT THIS BAGGAGE TO EFFECT MY FUTURE.

NAKUL: HMM..I GET THAT BUT AREN'T YOU RUINING YOUR PRESENT FOR YOUR FUTURE.

ERICA: WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE RUINING ANYTHING OKAY?

NAKUL: OKAY I GOT IT. I AM SORRY I STOPPED YOU LIKE THIS. YOU CAN GO!

He says this as he gives her files back to her and she leaves after saying,

ERICA: AND I AM SORRY TOO! I SHOULD HAVE CONTACTED YOU ATLEAST AFTERWARDS TO TELL YOU THE REASON WHY I LEFT ALL OF A SUDDEN THAT NIGHT.

She opens the door to step out when he asks,

NAKUL: I AM READY TO WAIT FOR YOU TO HEAL. CAN WE PLEASE BE TOGETHER AFTER THAT?

She smiles and says,

ERICA: SURE! AND THIS TIME YOUR WAIT WILL NOT GO WASTE.

After hearing that even he smiles and walks outside behind her.