#like i need to get a new therapist and maybe a new psychiatrist. get my wisdom teeth removed. get my sleep study done... etc

[lesbianriverphoenix]

ONE MORE presentation tomorrow and i’m done with finals and then i only have one more semester of miserable fucking grad school left in my life i can’t wait to be free oh so free!!!!!!!

[billgenbrough]

As AJR once said

Oh, I'm spiraling now

[kosmic-songbird]

Throwing this one out to the universe and my deities:

My college application is great and I get accepted without hesitation. I'm able to study the way I want to and my current hormonal imbalance sorts itself out. I find the best wedding dress and fits exactly the way I want it to fit. I don't even have to think about money; it's not an issue.

✨✨✨

[revasserium]

Can i request OPLA zoro where he doesn't get along with reader but calls her my girl in front of a baratie waiter who was flirting with her.

my girl

zoro; 2,438 words; fluff, kinda enemies to lovers, fem!reader, straw hat!reader, lots of banter, slow...burn?

summary: just cause you don't see eye to eye doesn't mean zoro's down to watch you get hit on while he's in the same bar, either.

a/n: again. i've got no excuse. pls continue to send more requests feed my opla!zoro obsession u__u

it is perhaps what therapists and psychiatrists would call an incompatibility of character. or maybe something about you and him that simply acted like two jigsaw pieces from completely different puzzles. or maybe luffy had just jinxed it when he’d said the first time that he sensed some “tension amongst the crew”, but it’s no secret that you and zoro don’t exact see eye to eye.

in fact, sanji thinks, it might only be a matter of time before you each try to take the other’s eyes out permanently.

“you’re really not worried?” he asked luffy as they’d watched zoro and you bicker all the way down the wobbling boardwalk leading up to the baratie, you sniping at zoro for getting in your way and zoro biting back something equally acerbic and childish about you being too clumsy to be a good pirate.

“huh? why would i be worried? they get along just fine!” luffy had laughed, eyes bright and round as he’d readjusted his hat and bounded off towards the entrance, whooping about being hungry enough to take down an entire sea cow.

“wh —”

“bit rich, since you and zoro are always at each other’s throats, no?”

nami bumps sanji’s arm as she strolls by him with a stack of empty crates. sanji squawks, readjusting his own bags before jogging after her.

“c’mon, you know that’s different!”

nami smirks but doesn’t grace that with an answer, instead, she lets her eyes flicker back to where you and zoro are still snarking at each other even as the bewildered looking fishman at the front leads you all around back to the kitchen entrance.

“— wouldn’t have been in that situation if you’d just —”

“yeah? and if i’d just stayed put like you said, the entire going merry would’ve gone up in smoke cause last i checked, wood is very flammable!”

“the merry’s not that fragile.”

“you wanna bet?”

“yeah, maybe i do —”

“what’s goin’ on here? didn’t i tell you lot to get lost?” zeff’s gruff voice interrupts your bickering as the peg-legged chef looks from zoro to you and then the rest of the crew, “gotta new one, didya? don’t remember you from the last time these idiots were here.”

“she’s barely an upgrade from the clown head —”

you slam your heel into the toe of zoro’s boot and he hisses, nearly dropping his armful of crates.

“what he means is that i’m the brains of the operation —”

“we don’t need brains —”

“oh, so you’re admitting that you didn’t have any before i got here?”

zoro glares, dropping the crates as luffy pushes past you both to clap zeff on the shoulder and offer him a huge stack of berry.

“we came to pay you back for the meal last time! and to buy a new one! and… maybe some extra food stuff if you’ve got it.”

zeff opens his mouth to answer but it’s drowned out by the sound of your voice as you jab a finger into zoro’s chest.

“— just because you can’t hold more than one cohesive thought in your head at once doesn’t mean that —”

“— what’s that even supposed to mean? like you can think about two things at once?”

“enough! you two — outta the kitchen, now! i won’t have your lovesick teenage yappin’ distractin’ my line chefs!”

you both jump at zeff’s voice, and an unpleasant heat creeps into your cheeks as you realize that the entire kitchen had indeed gone very quiet, most of the white-clad workers staring at you and zoro.

“i need a drink,” zoro says, rolling his shoulders as he sidesteps you and pushes his way out of the kitchen.

“look, sir, i didn’t mean —” you take half a step forward but zeff jabs a finger at the doors still swinging in zoro’s wake.

“i said out!”

you glance between zeff and the rest of your crew for a split second before turning and scrambling from the kitchen, looking abashed.

“oh no, c’mon zeff, you didn’t need to yell at her like that —” sanji sighs as he tries to go after you, but nami nails him in the stomach with one of her arms.

“nope. this is something they need to work out on their own. and you’re on grocery shopping duty with me, remember?” she flashes him a smile even as he deflates slightly and turns back to the work of haggling rations out of the baratie’s storerooms.

you find zoro already posted up at the bar, even though the hour is still early enough that there’s only a few other patrons, mainly keeping to themselves. you fight the urge to march up to him and give him an earful about embarrassing you in front of sanji’s old master like that but zeff’s words about making a scene keeps your lips clamped shut.

instead, you seat yourself as far from zoro as humanly possible and wait for the bartender to sidle over. he flashes you a winning smile, making no attempt to conceal the way his eyes drag from your hair to your face and then down to your cleavage, where his gaze rests for a beat too long before he clears his throat.

“what can i get you, gorgeous? something sweet and bubbly, perhaps? or maybe something a bit more dark and… seductive? i can have a custom drink whipped up for you in a few if you’d like… on the house, of course.”

he shoots you a wink that has your eyebrows hiking up your forehead.

“laying it on thick, are we?”

the bartender shrugs, seemingly unbothered by your lack of enthusiasm.

“place like this doesn’t exactly breed subtlety.”

you make a noncommittal noise before sighing, “i’ll have a dirty martini, shaken not stirred, straight, with a twist, please.”

to his credit, the bartender doesn’t miss a single beat, “ah, a woman of taste, though i’ll admit that i prefer my martini’s naked instead of shaken, hm?”

he waggles his eyebrows and if it weren’t for the loud cough from down the bar drawing the bartender’s attention, you would’ve rolled your eyes.

at the opposite end of the bar, zoro taps his empty drink glass against the waxy hardwood, a vein ticking in his jaw. he’d listened to the entire exchange with a growing annoyance festering in the depths of his stomach. and here he was, hoping for a moment of quiet without the sound of your voice yammering in his ear. he shoots the bartender a glowering look as the man refills his drink and tries to make his way back down the bar to you.

zoro tosses the entire drink back in one and sets the empty glass down with a loud clack, clearing his throat as the bartender turns to stare at him. he holds the man’s gaze for a full three seconds before looking pointedly down at his glass and the bartender’s face visibly reddens.

“here you are, sir — the last three are on the house.”

the bartender lines up five identical drinks in front of zoro before marching away and zoro has to give it to the guy. he does make a good, stiff drink.

still, as he tries his hardest not to glance down towards where you’re sitting, sipping slowly at your martini, he can’t help overhearing the stilted stabs at conversation floating down the length of the empty bar. the bartender lavishes you with questions, asking about your travels, who you came with, where you’re from. you, for your part, never give him an answer more than three words long — travels were good, my crew, an autumn island.

zoro briefly wonders why you don’t tell the guy off like you so often did him. then, he briefly wonders if the fact that you’re always so easily set off by him means something. then, he not-so-briefly wonders why, if he’s always been so bothered by you, that he’s still thinking about you in the precious few hours he has to himself.

he clicks his tongue and downs another drink just as you finish your first.

“c’mon darlin’ — just a hint — what about the first letter? shall i try to guess?”

you sigh into your now empty glass as the bartender asks your name for the third time in a row, though to no avail. suddenly, a warm, solid presence appears next to you and the next thing you know, zoro’s arm is brushing up against yours as he leans over the bar to bear down at the bartender.

“right, now if you’re done trying t’pick up my girl, i think i’d like the check.”

the bartender blinks up at zoro, uncomprehending for a second before a blotchy redness seeps into his cheeks.

“y-your — you haven’t said a word to each other since either of you got here!”

you swallow passed a bewildered laugh as you glance up at zoro to find a challenge clear in his eyes. you slowly swivel back to the bartender with a light smile.

“ever heard of a lover’s quarrel?”

the bartender sputters as he stares between the pair of you for another long second before scurrying off to fetch the check. zoro chuckles under his breath, his earrings clinking softly in the dim light.

“damn — i really wanted another drink,” you say, staring at your empty glass.

wordlessly, zoro plops one of his in front of you. it’s the second to last.

you bring it up to your nose for a sniff before making a face.

“god that smells awful!”

“fine then, more for me.”

“i didn’t say i wouldn’t drink it!”

you bring the glass to your lips for a small sip. it’s tastier than you’d imagined but it still burns a line down your throat as you shiver.

“h-holy shit —” you cough, wiping at your mouth, “how many of these have you had?”

zoro shrugs, sipping on his own glass with a careless ease, “dunno. don’t really keep count.”

“ugh… this could knock out a war elephant…” you make another face before you take a second sip.

“figures you can’t hold your liquor, drinkin’ whatever girly shit you ordered.”

you round on him, “martinis are not girly!”

“tch. whatever.”

you settle into a huffy silence. zoro’s arm is still pressed against yours and neither of you makes to pull away. for a while, the only sounds in the bar are the soft clink of ice on glass and the light, liquid splashing of the ocean waves.

“why didn’t you tell him off?” zoro’s voice is quiet and when you turn to look at him, it’s to find him staring. you hold his gaze steady and don’t look away.

“why should i? he’s no one to me.”

“you don’t seem to have a problem yellin’ at me.”

you shrug, your eyes flickering back to the too-strong drink in your hand.

“i don’t tend to waste my breath on people i don’t really care about,” you say, your voice soft and careful and honest. zoro sucks in a slow breath, his mildly alcohol addled brain trying to process what you’d just said but his thoughts are interrupted by a peel of loud, raucous laughter echoing in from the dining room beyond.

“c’mon, sounds like dinner is served,” you say, grinning as you push off the bar, jerking your head towards the dining room door.

zoro lets out the breath before downing the rest of his drink and leaving the empty glass on the bar to follow you.

at dinner, you bicker less than usual and zoro is even more quiet than he normally is. though he wastes no time ordering another round for the table. no one really comments till zeff comes round at the end with the check.

“dinner’s already paid for but i was told that this is for the ‘lovebirds from the bar’,” he says, as he drops the drinks bill in front of zoro with a deadpan sort of look.

for a full ten seconds, no one moves. and then, usopp’s jaws hit the floor as sanji’s eyebrows jerk towards the ceiling. nami sits back with a satisfied smirk as luffy nods happily at the two of you before turning to grin at sanji.

“see? told you they get along fine!”

sanji has the decency to sputter just as usopp leans forward to point between you and zoro.

“wait… whaattt?”

you make to tug out your wallet but zoro slaps a stack of berry on top of the bill.

“give our compliments to the bartender,” he says with a slight smirk as zeff takes the money, glancing up at the two of you.

“yeah? what’d he make that’s got you so impressed?”

you purse your lips as you make a show of shrugging, waving a nonchalant hand through the air.

“oh, just a mean dirty martini.”

zeff lets out a loud bark of laughter as he takes the berry and clomps back towards the kitchens, shaking his head. zoro chuckles beside you as he stretches an arm over his head and lets it settle casually on the booth back behind you.

later, as everyone is making their way back towards the going merry, nami catches up to you on the docks, looping an arm through yours and pinning you with a meaningful look just as sanji sidles up to zoro and bumps him with a shoulder.

“so…” nami says, grinning as she tugs you forward a few steps.

“so.” sanji clears his throat, casting zoro a sidelong glance.

“wanna tell me what that was about?” nami asks.

“care to elaborate on that back there?” sanji questions.

you and zoro both take a deep, long breath. zoro glances up to see the way you toss a lock of hair over your shoulder, your bright laughter carrying back on the breeze. you allow yourself a smile, and you don’t have to turn to feel zoro’s eyes on you as both of you turn to your respective companions and say —

“i’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”

opla!zoro reqs are (as always) open!!

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[calware]

post about me. i added pictures to keep it interesting

i've had a problem for most of my life that i'm currently visualizing as a gray dorito poking into me. it's frustrating, inconvenient, difficult to deal with, and overall makes everything suck a little. many people have told me that this problem is most likely adhd, such as my therapist in high school who said it was "textbook." unfortunately, she was just a therapist, not a psychiatrist, and therefore wasn't actually qualified to diagnose me with anything. this was in 2021 when there were no child psychiatrists in my area accepting new patients (thanks, covid), so instead my doctor gave me a few adhd meds at differing doses to see if any of them stuck (i had literally no reaction to Any of them) and the whole thing went nowhere

so, is the problem actually adhd? i'm an adult now and could pay several hundred dollars (of my parent's money) to get a proper test, but it would make no difference as my issues would not be solved by adhd medication (maybe. i'm worried i somehow messed it up) or any form of accommodations. i don't want to ask my parents to pay for something that likely won't have much impact (and my mom wouldn't be fully convinced anyway. both parents are pretty sure there's nothing wrong with me). i want to know, but the time and money don't justify it. so the best solution i have is to keep going, keep learning which lifestyle changes to make and how to "work smarter". i'll be okay. and i say that with sincerity

whoops, forgot my glasses here. this is another gray dorito-shaped problem, only this one is much smaller. i rarely notice it, and when i do, it's superficial. it's only gotten genuinely bad twice in my life. it's my paranoia, obsessiveness, and, on occasion, compulsions that follow those obsessions. now, i know what you're thinking, which is that it kind of sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. frankly, from my understanding, my issue is so negligible that it doesn't qualify as OCD. like i said, it barely affects me. it still bothers me that it's there, though. i do my best to deal with it, letting my thoughts pass as they come to me and not trying not to give into/breaking out of compulsions, but i just don't want it there at all

this is another thing i could see a therapist about, but does a problem this small really justify the time and expenses of seeing a professional? not in my case (not for me, at least. don't apply this to your own problems if you genuinely want to seek professional help)

i have a goal to have enough disposable income later in life to justify paying a scientist to pick through my brain for my own amusement. because, despite no substantial foreseeable improvements to my mental health after getting a psych evaluation, i still find the idea to be really exciting. i have a strong desire to understand how my mind works, how my brain ticks, why i am the person i am. that's how i know that if i ever played sburb, id have the heart aspect (that's right. you thought that this was just a personal post on my homestuck blog that had nothing to do with homestuck. do you really think i would do that? make off-topic posts solely about me on a homestuck blog? look, i even remembered to draw my glasses this time and i made them homestuck glasses. because i care about you guys) and i am vain and self-centered enough to desperately want someone with a phd to talk about me for an hour. and no, i don't need a therapist to tell me why that is, i already figured that one out allllll on my own

[t-r99]

Michael Kaiser

(manga spoilers)

To begin with, chapter 260 was horrifying to read. "oH bUT iT's JuST a mANga!!!!" I don't care, that shit was fucked up.

Is Kaiser's behaviour understandable? Yes. That's it, understandable.

It's still unacceptable and inexusable, but to be fair, no one would end up okay after that. Everyone deals with trauma differently and Kaiser found his way.

(what he needed was twenty therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, all the ists)

Tiny moments like this,

kinda get new meanings now. His self choking thing is . . . *shudders*

I still hate the way he treats and handles Ness. Does Kaiser know any better? No, he doesn't. He needed help. Football was good for him, yes, but did the people around him help him heal mentally? It doesn't really look like it.

Speaking of Ness, I believe they're truly friends and that Kaiser cares for him in his own traumatized, fucked up way.

They are friends. I just wish Kaiser knew how to be kinder. He doesn't know how to be kind, he didn't receive any love or affection as a child, it's alien to him.

Does Ness know the full extent of the abuse Kaiser suffered? Honestly, I don't think so. Maybe bits and pieces, if even that. Maybe Kaiser once said something along the lines of, "My old man wasn't a good person." and left it at that with Ness not prying any further.

If we'd gotten Kaiser's backstory a lot earlier I would've expected him to be even more unhinged and messed up.

Okay, Mr "World Football Association, PIFA Licensed Agent" Ray Dark, did you get the kid some mental help?

Football was all he had and he cried from pure fury when he thought his father was about to cut his football open.

Someone get this boy some mental help please.

[phantomrose96]

Yknow I don't think I've... talked about the absolute smorgasbord of shit what's gone wrong with my condo since I moved in so

day 0 - hadn't moved in yet, was just moving items over, turned the sink on for just a moment. turns out the tube feeding into the sink faucet was full of holes (how???) and this caused a never-ending leak under the sink. the standing water rotted the baseboard under the sink

still day 0 - said leak and water accrual dripped down and damaged downstairs neighbor's ceiling ($$$). she has to call me to tell me about it.

I have to get a plumber out there next day (still not living there yet! empty place! I have to take off work). While waiting for plumber, I discover heat's not working.

Go to basement to investigate boiler. Seller didn't fix the issue they claimed they fixed.

Plumber looks at sink. Declares it full of holes. Says he can come back in a few days to fix it.

(Plumber postpones, then flakes. I chase down a different plumber.)

Plumber 2 says the issue is with the garbage disposal, not the faucet. Can come back x days later to work on that, and the boiler.

Plumber 2 comes back x days later (I have to take off work again), says "oh the disposal was messed up but also the faucet has holes." Says he can come back maybe the NEXT day with a new faucet

Oh also the smoke detector in the back hall is low battery beeping and I don't have a battery for it. It's constant, every minute on the minute.

I bike to a hardware store and buy a faucet and a battery ($$). Get lost on the way home. (All of this back and forth is by bike. I live in the city and do not have a car.)

Plumber replaces the faucet ($$). I replace the smoke detector battery but it's still beeping. Dozens of more stupid minutes later of going up and down and up and down stairs and dragging my big stupid ladder around, I realize it's the carbon monoxide detector which is hidden behind the door I need to open to even get to the back hallway.

Plumber services the boiler ($$$)

I move in. I have a less than great time emptying everything from my apartment, which doesn't have plumbing issues. On a bad foot to start.

Travel for Christmas. Come back. Now the first floor back-hall smoke detector is beeping. (At least I have a fucking battery. Get my big stupid ladder down the back hall, knock every wall on the way down, and replace that battery).

I get first month's heating bill (I'd been living there for 10 days if even.) $334. Jesus christ. Likely due to the boiler issue.

Electricity goes out for the evening, same day as I get this bill from the gas and electric company, because fuck you I guess.

Homeowners insurance log in doesn't work. I haven't received my bill, which I need to pay.

Radiators bang in the middle of the night. Something something about them being old or not level or full of ghosts. Cool I don't need to sleep or whatever.

I've received no correspondence from the bank about my first mortgage payment. It'll be due Jan 1st, which is a holiday, so I reach out early. They say it's in the mail.

I monitor my mail every day. I receive no mail. I contact again. I reach out to my old apartment building in case it's there (they can't tell me). I sign up for a bank account with them online. I jump through various hoops to discover the bank has my address wrong. The address of the place the mortgage is on...

They had the mortgage address right. They had my home address as identical to the mortgage address but with one number missing. No one noticed. They'd been sending my stuff to a non-existent address, or the back of a college warehouse, I haven't quite figured it out.

I jump through more hoops to pay my mortgage payment with a check in the mail (I had to go buy stamps and an envelope) (late, but they assure me there's no penalty, but are you sure.)

^This has all been about 2 weeks. btw.

(I get a therapist, and find my way to being seen by a psychiatrist, which I guess is good but jesus is it $$$. Still figuring out how to use my stupid HSA)

People on floor 1 move out. They've got contractors in constantly renovating the place top to bottom. I get all their paint fumes.

Sound proofing doesn't exist, turns out. I hear my downstairs neighbors' conversations. I hear their tv. I hear street conversations. One night it was pouring rain and I was woken up by the sound of something banging against the house. Like genuinely banging. I go outside and investigate - it's a car idling with their windshield wipers going. Windshield wipers. Why would that be audible. Walls made of paper.

Floor 1 contactors leave the back door open one night. Luckily I wasn't storing anything in the back hall and had the door to my interior locked.

I receive my next month's heating bill. $689. I call the gas company and they shrug. I call the plumber and he shrugs. I turn the heat way down cuz I don't know. I dunno. Something's wrong with the boiler but it just got serviced so I dunno. I have to call someone else.

Speak of the devil, cones appear immediately outside my building declaring there's going to be gas line work. For a month. They start with the jackhammers at 8am every weekday. It's gonna be a month. I miss the windshield wipers.

We have a weekend of arctic freeze. -30F windchill. I go down to the basement Sunday morning to do laundry. Floor 1 contractors have outdone themselves by leaving a window open. Pipe had burst in floor 1 and was pouring water down into the basement, totally flooded.

I have to call the plumber, and flag the Floor 2 people about it and they at least find the master water shutoff. I'm dealing with the plumber and I have no water for half the day and no laundry for me.

I want to lie down in a marsh for a bit.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

So I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health and mental illness lately (thanks, new psychiatrist) as I process a new diagnosis and what it means and reframing my image of myself, so I want to talk about some stuff.

So if you know all this already, just. Bear with me, okay, I’m processing a lot right now.

A lot of people on here get annoyed at advice to, like, go for a walk or do yoga or see sunlight or clean things up or meditate or whatever. And I get it, because I also get annoyed at people thinking that will solve my problems. I have had a boss try to get me to do a damn meditation app as if that would solve the work impact my mental illness was having, and it infuriated me.

But, that’s not because it doesn’t solve a problem. It just doesn’t solve the problem I have.

Meditation apps and all that other stuff are basically the mental health equivalent of eating a salad and jogging once a week. Someone who doesn’t do those things, even if they’re not otherwise sick, are not going to be very healthy and are going to feel kind of gross. It’s baseline health care.

But eating a salad isn’t going to cut it if you have a broken leg. You actually need medical care.

(Please go to a doctor if you have a broken leg. Thank you)

Now, if you get the mental health equivalent of a cold—something stressful is going on at work or with your friends, or a lot of small emergencies are popping up at once—you can probably still get by without a doctor. Increase the vegetables, get some soup, rest and sleep a lot. Do some extra mindfulness exercises, take a new yoga class, get a little TLC, clean your room. It will help you feel a lot better, and then the “illness/blip” will pass and you’ll be back to baseline in relatively short order, without needing to see a doctor.

But what if you have mental health bronchitis, or a broken leg? I would compare these to maybe some post-partum mental health issues, or grieving a death of someone, or a divorce, or something like that. You may actually need to see a doctor, get some care, see a therapist and get counseling, maybe briefly stop by on some antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds to help you recover. And then you’ll probably be mostly okay, with maybe some lingering issues and a good strong memory of that time you were Not Okay.

But you weren’t going to get okay without something a lot more than vegetables and cardio.

And then there’s the Chronic Mental Health issues, like many mood disorders or personality disorders, or PTSD/CPTSD, panic disorders, phobias…the lingering things that need serious help and you are very likely in fact to never full recover from, or even partially in some cases. These are where you get type one diabetes or Celiac’s or an amputation, or multiple sclerosis, or any of that. Stuff where you desperately need regular, often daily, medical care and management to stay healthy and functional.

And these ones are going to change your life even with medical care. A diabetic might need a medical device attached to them at all times, they are likely to need to check their blood sugar regularly, they’ll need to think about what they eat and how it will effect them, they’ll need to carry glucose tabs. They might have a medical ID bracelet! And sometimes mistakes might still happen and things go very badly. An amputee might have a prosthetic or might not, but either way it won’t do everything a biological appendage will, and they’ll have to adjust their lives to how to move and pick things up or whatever in a very different way to someone who has that body part. And someone with Celiac’s is just not going to be able to eat gluten. Not matter what medicine they take. It’s not going to happen.

And that’s the thing: even when you’re getting regular medical care and treatment, and you have a plan worked out and you’re used to it, if you have a mood disorder or PTSD or schizophrenia or something…you may very well never quite have a life that looks like someone who only needs yoga and meditation classes. You may always need other accommodations and lifestyle adjustments to function and manage.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. It means things are going to be so different for you that the people who manage with salad and a treadmill are just not going to be able to offer any useful advice to you. Your needs are way too different.

And then there’s getting into a car crash or catching meningitis. Sometimes, shit is just going to happen to people, and they are going to need to be hospitalized and watched very carefully for a while. I would probably categorize a lot of mental breakdowns, like the kinds that are at the onset of many mood or panic disorders, some levels of psychosis, sometimes the death of someone very dear to you—in fact, many of the things that might be broken legs to some might turn out here. Maybe someone else broken their leg with a nice clean fracture, but yours was a complicated shatter of a joint that started healing wrong and also got infected.

And the hospitalization isn’t going to be the end of your care, either. You’ll stay in the hospital until they can get you stable, until you don’t need medical professionals a button press away, until you can be assumed to recover the rest of the way on your own.

But, for people who know people who have come home from the hospital after a surgery or serious illness…it’s far from the end of the road, or even return to a new baseline. You’re going to need a lot of help and rest and recovery even after hospital discharge. Someone will probably have to watch you, might need to help you take your meds, might need to bring you food and drinks, or cook, or do chores.

And people who care should, maybe, understand, and send, “Get well soon,” and “Thinking of you” and flowers, and organize meal trains and otherwise show up for someone who is seriously ill.

Of course, a lot of that would be weird in the Chronic Illness space. But there, I think the understand would be, “Yeah, you know your friend can’t have gluten,” and “Why would you suggest they go for a hike with you when they’re in a wheelchair, you dick?” and “I made you low-sugar treats! I worked super hard on the recipe!” so people around you know that you have different needs and you care enough to accommodate them and make sure they are still cared for…differently.

I don’t think I’m going to edit this before posting.

But I’m thinking about it a lot, and I think I’m going from a place where I though I had a broken leg to realizing the leg was never actually going to heal without a limp, to realizing, in fact, that the leg didn’t break the way I thought it did and I need some physical therapy and a new doctor to get it working and see what happens then.

Maybe this was helpful to someone besides me. But it felt good to get it all into words!

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

september 1, 2021 5:00 p.m. newcrest hospital

[five hours later]

[dr. winters] so, you’re an interesting case.

[grant] don’t i know it?

[dr. winters] fortunately, the excellent news here is that your physical exam is overall outstanding.

[dr. winters] all your blood work and vitals are great, your eyesight’s correctable to normal, and you have no other underlying disease besides the autoimmune stuff.

[dr. winters] disclaimer that you should lay off the cigarettes, but...

[dr. winters] still, based on these factors, i see no real reason to deny your medical on physical grounds. the MRI of your spine was very concerning, but i did read the letter from your rheumatologist clearing you for work again, and you passed all my exams just fine, so it’s not an issue in my eyes unless your disease and/or functioning significantly worsen.

[grant] well, that’s...good?

[dr. winters] not so fast. don't get too excited. as much as i'd like to send you out with your medical today, i can’t.

[grant] alright. fair enough.

[dr. winters] i'm not denying you, to be clear. i'm deferring your case to federal administration.

[dr. winters] this is the unfortunate part. because you suddenly admitted to having previous substance abuse issues, have brand new mental health diagnoses, and are on some medications that are neither approved nor banned, it’s out of my hands.

[dr. winters] you would need a special issuance medical, which is only something the administration can give out.

[dr. winters] if you’re granted one, it is a full first-class medical and will clear you to fly and hopefully approve your current medications with no issues, but it will tag you as having health conditions, and it’ll probably place restrictions on your medical, like more frequent medical exams and no flying if you’re having x, y, and z symptoms.

[grant] okay, sure. what should i do next?

[dr. winters] well, i'll forward all the paperwork from you to them along with my reports from today. at some point, the administration will send you a whole bunch more paperwork in the mail, and they’ll ask you to explain all your medications, your psychiatric history, and why the hell you were diagnosed with multiple psychiatric disorders all at once and so late in life.

[dr. winters] whatever you say, be as honest as possible. i will gently remind you that lying to them is a felony.

[dr. winters] you’ll mail all your responses back to them, and then they’ll tell you to submit to a neurocognitive screen and a psychiatric evaluation. i can go ahead and refer you to doctors who can offer you those screenings. they'll also want statements from any psychiatrists and therapists you've seen basically confirming they think you're stable enough for this kind of employment.

[dr. winters] and finally, after they review all the new materials plus your flight records, you’ll either get approved or denied.

[grant] there's some hope?

[dr. winters] yes. you have held a medical before. you'll just have to jump through more hoops this time to prove your capabilities. worst case scenario you lawyer up and sue until you get results. and no, i'm not joking. in complex cases like yours, i often recommend a lawyer.

[grant] i don’t want a lawyer.

[dr. winters] at least not yet. don't count the legal route out. the worst worst case scenario is that you're denied. if they deny you and you feel that's unfair, the law is the only solution you have left.

[grant] got it. well, um, thanks for all your help. i guess i'll wait for new paperwork from the administration then. how long should the whole process to take, assuming it all goes smoothly?

[dr. winters] oh, it won't go smoothly. your case will sit on someone’s desk until the file rots or the sun blows up, whichever comes first, unless you call incessantly. so, do that. call, call, and call again until someone does something with it.

[dr. winters] and maybe you’ll get a final decision in...

[dr. winters] six months? a year? hopefully not longer than that.

[eggtrolls]

Congrats on being done tapering! If it's not too personal, can I ask what made you decide to rawdog life? I'm on a daily med rn, and can't really imagine being able to manage life without it, 'cause it gave me my brain back. I don't know if I will always feel like I want to take this med forever, or if I want to only take it for a while and then try my hand at life unmedicated again, but I am interested to hear about your decision making process!

I’m on day 5 of no meds and so far my head/life hasn’t exploded. I’m answering this with the strictest caveat that this is just my experience, if it doesn’t apply to your scenario, then don’t take it to heart, use critical thinking skills (old woman shakes fist at sky), etc.

N/B: I’m very lucky that my withdrawal side effects have been really minor — it’s mainly that I’m HUNGRY. This medication has some minor appetite suppressant side effects but, other than that, I can’t say that I’ve noticed any real consequences. My dose was very, very low since I’ve been tapering for a while but it’ll be a while before it’s fully out of my system so I’ll check back in maybe a month.

Background: I started taking medication (daily oral non-SSRI anti-depressant; happy to get into the details in a DM) when I was in my mid twenties and I’m now in my early thirties. My life now is completely, radically different from where it was. My external circumstances (high pressure environment, low grade abusive relationship, brand new place with no real friends or support system) are completely different. But also my internal circumstances (lack of emotional regulation, lack of self worth reinforced by abusive relationship, limited control over life and actions in general, not great relationship with family, pretty much broke) are very, very different. And changing the internal circumstances is a big part of the regular emotional maintenance grind: therapy, meds, eating the bitter greens (sometimes literally, sometimes in the form of exercise, actual self care, doing things that are otherwise hard, etc.), and so on. I haven’t been standing still while taking meds; I have been actively working on becoming a mentally healthier person.

For my specific mental health circumstances (I don’t have ADHD/autism), I view things like therapy and medication in the same way that I do PT — something you do to respond to an injury/trauma/whatever. For me, personally, the default state is one of health. It actually corresponds quite well with my recent foot injury from taekwondo: my foot was okay; I got hurt, I needed to change how I walked and used my foot and external support to help make those changes; gradually my foot healed; I was able to remove the external support(s).

Present: I started thinking about tapering off my medication when I was at the dentist and they asked if I take any medications and I said I take a daily multivitamin and [antidepressant] but not for depression - I haven’t met the criteria for depression in years - but for what my psychiatrist calls “health maintenance”. So then it’s like….what’s the point? What am I getting from this that I couldn’t provide for myself? And tapering down from my full dose to half of that, to half of that, showed me that the current reality is, without meds, I am capable of maintaining my mental health.

What makes me feel okay about going off my medication and leaving therapy is the same as what makes me feel okay not walking around in a boot anymore: I can put the boot back on if something happens. I have my podiatrist’s number the same way I have my therapist and psychiatrist’s numbers. I also have a much, much more robust social circle of people than I did when I started on meds. I have built layer upon layer of safety nets for myself. I think you, and most people, probably can do that, too, regardless of what your menty h situation is.

Future/reflections: I will say that this medication did or at least helped save my life when I started taking it but…it’s kind of like if you’re drowning and someone throws you a life preserver from the shore — you still have to grab it, put it on, and swim to land. And where I think a lot of people get stuck is the ‘swim to land’ part. They put the life preserver on and float, rather than swim. They’re no longer drowning - this is good! But they’re still getting buffeted by currents, they might get hit by a boat, there might be sharks, and the water is cold. They have been treading water, trying not to sink, for years. They are exhausted. And therefore many people feel like they have to keep going with the external supports of medications, therapy, whatever their thing is, because they do. Saying ‘why aren’t you swimming’ is not helpful which is why I’m not doing that and why this is in no way prescriptive.

(And here’s the gag: I was that person! It took me the better part of a decade to get to this point where I’m hauling my carcass up on dry land. If someone tells me I don’t “get it” because I’m sooooooo mentally well adjusted and shouldn’t talk about experiences of XYZ symptom of depression, I will kick them very, very hard)

To continue the metaphor, I also know that the shore I’m swimming to - that I’ve finally arrived at - is not the same as the one I left, and that’s fine. My foot is not the same as it was pre-injury and that’s also fine. But unlike my foot, I don’t want to return to where I was pre-meds/therapy a) because it’s not a halcyon, golden age where nothing hurts and everything is beautiful; b) because that’s where I was when I ended up needing therapy and meds in the first place; c) because that’s not even possible, but mostly d) because I found and built something better than before.

[spaceumbredoggos]

HMM… CONSIDERING GIVING ZIE ZIE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE ALTERNATE TIMELINES WHERE THEY WERE DEAD BEFORE THEY WERE AT THIS POINT IN THEIR LIFE TO SHOW THEM HOW GOOD THEY ACTUALLY HAVE IT!!! MAYBE THEN THEY’LL ACTUALLY START WORK ON THAT PROLOGUE, OR THAT PORTAL.

ZIEZ DOESN’T TELL YOU ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES THEY GET WHAT I CALL A CLASSI CASE OF SCHRÖDINGER’S ANXIETY. HOW MANY TIMES THEY PANIC ABOUT ALTERNATE TIMELINES!!! HOW MANY TIMES THEY ENVY THE ALTERNATE TIMELINES WHERE THEY HAD SUCCEEDED. NO WONDER THEY HAD TO TURN TO ME. READING THAT PAGE OF THE ALTERNATE TIMELINES REALLY HAD THEM PANICKING. IMAGINE IF THEY MET THE COUNTLESS GHOSTS OF THEIR ALTERNATE SELVES ENVYING THE FACT THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO BE FREE FROM THEIR—

Ugh… I need to stop dozing off at this time of day. I guess that’s when Bill likes to hijack my body to threaten me on my tumblr account. Can’t believe I live in a timeline where I share a body with—

GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!

I just read what you wrote. I’m disgusted. You keep doing this. If you start taking over where there’s memory gaps, it’ll be at a point where I have to tell my psychiatrists and therapists and that will put me in a psych ward. Or on more meds. Hey moots @fishy--friend @confused-canid @sarosthewizarddude @children-of-moss @wheel-of-eyes @cryptic-platypus Wanna know something? I try to meditate, but every time I close my eyes to try to focus on my breathing, my feelings. Any sort of mindfulness exercises, I hear Bill’s voice. I tried a guided meditation once and all I saw were golden triangles. It caused me so much panic that I physically cannot meditate. I keep telling myself “Bill Cipher isn’t real. He can’t hurt you. You’re just super obsessed with a cartoon to the point where it’s influencing your mental health.” Then I get the Bill Cipher nightmares that are eerily personal and a piece of lore drops or a tumblr post by a fan gives me a new understanding. I’m surprised there isn’t more cases of “Bill Cipher Psychosis” when Alex Hirsch says that he canonically accesses this world and that he is real. I was genuinely concerned that the Book of Bill would cause mass psychosis. That it would cause me psychosis. It hasn’t happened yet. But the seeds are there.

I would go as far to say as it’s akin to a dissociative disorder and maladaptive daydreaming.

[maochira]

HIIII im back!!

Sooooo... im a person who struggles with crying like- i can't whether i wanted to or not.

SOOO when im stressed i can't even cry to feel better ( cuz crying can release tension and stuff ) and generally im (kinda?) depressed in a sense where i feel numb, lonely and like theres a void in my chest.

( above is for example and kind of a vent😅 )

Basically, the request is coaches as dad listening to your feelings or thoughts abt feeling empty and (MAYBE??) wanting reader to see a psychiatrist/therapist?

Hi! I think I know very much what you feel like regarding the emptiness :'] (except that I cry a lot and very easily and my emptiness often comes with a pressure in my chest.) But please remember I usually don't like people venting in my inbox. I'm okay with this one tho because it connects to a comfort request so I see it more as an explanation than a vent <3 (but I don't want to encourage others to vent to me more in the future.)

Characters: Noa, Chris

Tags: gn!coach's child!reader, reader is a teenager, comfort

Noel Noa

-even though you haven't told him until now, he has noticed something's been off about you for a while

-he didn't think it was something serious because you inherited a big part of his personality regarding being rather cold

-so when you tell him about it, he's a little shocked to find out how bad you've been feeling lately and he feels guilty for not noticing it earlier

-he sits there for hours to let you talk about everything that's on your mind, but he realizes he can't help you enough

-so he decides to try to find a therapist for you. He knows waiting lists can be long, so on the next day he calls and writes emails to every therapist in the area and lets you be put on the waiting list

-and while you're waiting, Noa makes sure you know you can always talk to him. He also tries to be less cold so you can feel more comfortable about sharing your problems

Chris Prince

-he quickly noticed when you started to feel worse, but he decided to wait a bit just in case it gets better on its own

-he trusts you to talk to him as soon as you feel too bad, so to not pressure you, he doesn't ask you about it

-but he realizes you're only getting worse and still not telling him about anything, so he thinks you might be too afraid to open up

-Chris decides he has to be the one who approaches you about this, so he calmly asks you to be honest about how you've been feeling lately and he wants you to let him know as much as possible so he can help

-but the more you tell him about how you feel, the more he realizes you need professional help. So he asks if you want that and obviously you day yes

-Chris helps you to find a good therapist who is helpful to you. He always reassures you if you don't fully click with a therapist, you need to tell him so he can look for a new one

Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @toruden @mafuyudonutt @weichspuelertrinker @acacIa @chaosinanutshell @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser @userwithlotsoftime @yellowelectroslime @0rah-s @deerangle3

[rexaleph]

what if i could benefit from some therapy? bc my thing now for a while has been not being able to formulate my needs in relationships and just getting upset w people all the time, i think bc i am new to even having emotional attachments (figured out that i love my parents like 2 years ago). all that seems banal enough for regular theraphy?

like last time i tried going i was in a severe psychiatric episode and the therapist was like 😬 please get on medication and maybe then come to me, and before that at age 18, i went to someone who was a combined psychiatrist/psychotherapist and i just asked for pills and refused talking. and he gave me an ssri that didn't help and then i had a suicide attempt after discontinuation. so maybe just chatting to some nice lady abt how to not to run myself ragged so people will maybe like me or express when i didn't like someone's behavior or whatever might be of use to me now

[never-not-ever]

Long update ahead~

I’m on roommate #6 which is sort of low considering I’ve been here 8 months today. This is going to be so random but once I start thinking of something (like rooms, roommates and how long for each) I get fixated and like to waste time on it.

I had a single room when I first got here and I think I had it for a week.

I moved into room #2 with roommate #1, I think we were roommates for 2 weeks before she discharged. Then I got roommate #2 and was with her for about a week before I moved into a single. I was in that single for 5 weeks. Then I moved into room #4 and had the best roommate ever for about 3 weeks before she discharged. So I was in room #4 for 11 weeks which is the longest I’ve had a stable room. When my old favorite roommate discharged I got a new roommate #4 and me and her were roommates for so long, about 11 weeks. Our room ended up getting mold and we had to move after 7 weeks together which brings me to room number #5. (Started to get confused, so I made a table below, it’s literally been an hour now fixated on this room/roommate shit). We were roommates for another 3 weeks in room #5 before I moved into a single for about 7 weeks. Then I moved to my current room #7 and had roommate #5 for 4 weeks and my current roommate #6 for about a week.

Room#/Length/Roommate

#1- 1 week, single room

#2- 3 weeks, C- 2 weeks, M- 1 week

#3- 5 weeks, single room

#4- 11 weeks, M- 3 weeks, A- 8 weeks

#5- 3 weeks, A- 3 more weeks

#6-7 weeks, single room

#7- 4 weeks, V- 4 weeks, G- 1 week

I guess it’s really # of times I’ve moved, since room #2 and #4 were actually the same room. But the second time around I was on the other side of the room. Wow was that a lot of useless information for nothing! Glad I got that out of my system. Time to see where I last left off on an update… like 3.5 weeks ago… hmmm…

Seems clear cut what to update on. So I posted last on a Monday. I actually remember these past 3 weeks clearly. That Monday was a crying, empty, “I ruined everything/hate myself” day. The next day I clarified with my team that the 6 month IOP and the PHP are definitely off the table and they said yes. I went and sat in my corner at the end of the farthest hall, started crying and getting upset again but it was quick, not an all day affair like the previous day.

In order to leave it’s always been the same criteria- I have to have outside providers set up and need to stop self harming. I mean the self harming isn’t a reason to keep me here, it’s more so the structure/providers to leave. But if the self harming gets severe like it usually does then that’s reason for them to pull back on discharge as well.

So that day I said fuck it, I’m leaving next Friday. I spent all day figuring out my crappy insurance, searching for psychiatrists and therapists and partials. I had all the rest of that week and the following week before my hopeful discharge that Friday to get everything together.

The only issue is vacations. That Friday (my personal discharge date) was my doctors last day before her 2 week vacation. She was fine with the covering doctor discharging me while she’s gone if he was comfortable with it. See I wanted to leave that Friday because I would have a week at home with my Nana before she went on vacation for a week. My Nana and my team were all worried about me being home alone while she was away.

That’s why I wanted to leave that Friday but that didn’t happen. I was so hellbent on making that my discharge date that I put blinders on and pushed away urges and the self harm stopped, I just wanted to leave. I thought maybe I could leave next week, maybe the covering doctor would discharge me. Then my social worker told me we were going to have a meeting the following Thursday with my Nana. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t leaving while my doctor was on vacation, that I would be here til the end of the month. Because my Nana would not be comfortable with me discharging the day before she went away for a week, leaving me home alone.

So during my doctors last week my mood started to drop and it honest to god had nothing to do with her leaving. I just started to feel so hopeless again. My doctor said she was worried if I didn’t leave on that Friday like I hoped, that I would unravel. I guess she was right.

This shift in things started almost 3 weeks ago but this past week things have gotten so much worse. I’m constantly on high alert and anxious. My mood is so low and I spend so much of the day thinking about self harm, which has started up again. Surprisingly I’m still on 15s and able to go outside on walks so not much has changed with privileges being cut back. We’ll see what my doctor thinks/does when she gets back.

I’m still looking for a therapist. Once I have that, we can set a discharge date and put in a referral for a partial. The only issue is the self harm. I have 4 days before my doctor gets back. I could miraculously turn everything around, go these 4 days without self harm and have an optimistic attitude on Tuesday when I meet with her. But if it was that easy I would have left a long time ago.

I’m constantly invalidating everything I feel and think. But for once I’m going to say and believe that I can’t change how low my mood has gotten. I can’t change that the SI has started to creep back in because of the hopelessness. I can’t change any of that. And because of that I’m worried about these next few days and her return. I know I can control my actions in regards to self harm but only up until a point.

That’s enough of a treatment update. I’ll try to post more frequent about non-treatmenty things.

[murderedbyhomework]

Not going to lie, I'm really concerned over how they're going to portray Tyler next season. He's going to be sent off to a facility probably, and I'm scared they're going to use the unethical experimentation/evil scientists and psychiatrists trope. Wednesday is relatively edgy I think, given that they changed to Addams family dynamic a little to make Wednesday seem cooler. So I'm pretty scared that this trope will appear and be the reason why Tyler is 'darker and a lot more evil' in season 2. Because they've already said Tyler was willing to kill and enjoyed it when he was in fact brainwashed and tortured by Thornhill, so like what if they use unethical scientists and psychiatrists to make him a villain?

Anyways this is my official petition for Wednesday show writers to give Tyler a good therapist and let him heal from his trauma, because I want therapist scenes with banter and the therapist actually being a good one. (maybe Tyler's boyfriend could also get the same therapist? He needs a new one anyway hehe)