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thewritingstar · 4 years ago

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Beautiful Revelations

Pairing: Gruvia (I know its been a hot ass min)

Fandom: Fairy Tail

tags: @shellielyzabeth @be-dazzled @nostalgicxslumber @unvalley @tigerfire54

Note: It has happened. I have written 200 fanfics and idk if I should be proud or slightly scared. (feel free to skip this omg why is it so long)

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read, liked, reblogged or interacted with me in any way. I have always had a feeling that no matter what I write, I wouldn’t matter. But every comment and sweet note left made me realize that even if its just a smile or enough to make someone hit the like button, I made a small difference or added something to the fandom. Most of my fics are quick drabbles full of spelling mistakes, random thoughts and love for the characters. I know I don’t write very long stories or finish my wips (why are we surprised) but even though Im not someone people look to as a big author, each of you have made me feel special. There have been many times, this year especially that I had decided to give up writing. “Im not good enough and no one will even notice” Thats what I told myself if I decided to just back away. But every so often I would look and see that someone new or old had read my work. Every time someone reads something I wrote, I go back and read it too. I look at all the tags and see every comment and I stop and smile and remember how much joy it brought me when I first posted.

When I first started writing, I thought that I wouldn’t have a place. Yet in a very short span of time, I was welcomed with open arms and people started to tune in regularly for my fics. I had been given many nicknames such as Gruvia goddess, angst queen, satan (yes I know the fic0 and well even Star.

During my darkest moments, my mind lingered to my writing and to my internet friends. without hesitation I could message someone and feel better and be given the reassure I need. I can't even begin to say how much it means to me that people actually enjoy my writing and even me as a person.

I thank each of you for giving me a joy that was considered a luxury at one point and allowing me to write whatever I wanted and you took it with love and made me happier than I have been in years. To all the people who made art or wrote me something, it means so much to me.

Im not saying that this fic is my greatest but I think it has a special place because It shows the growth over time. 200 fics is a lot and whether or not they were all good, it doesn't matter because I did that and I can say that im proud. Im sorry for all that sappy shit but I wouldn't be where I am without you all.

-Star <3

ps: im not dying or stop writing fics im just happy lol

---

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

---

It was the nights like these that she hated most. The cold would creep through the blankets and make her shiver as her eyelids hung heavy. She could be ready to rest, let the sweet dreams guide her but instead those dark intrusive thoughts toyed with her like a fly on a freshly woven web. They would sprout out of nowhere, tangled with thorns and hold her mind hostage as it injected its sickly venomized thoughts for the night.

She always wondered how she got this far. She was one of the highest members of Phantom Lord, her abilities had rarely been matched. If she desperately craved, she could walk down the hallways and strike fear into the other members, no one could touch her. Hierarchies became a custom here. Once you made it to the top after clawing your way with blood, sweat and probably more blood, you were a god. Yet she walked in and in the next few minutes she was at the table with the master, already receiving a promise that she was special, a delicate and useful ally for the guild.

Special. What a swollen lie that turned out to be.

Maybe that's why she never bothered to search for a light, something to cure the rain. For every life she had bruised or ended, she wanted to feel the pain that followed. She needed to know the consequence of her actions, to be held accountable for ruining another family or taking something from the innocent. Instead she was celebrated.

The days turned to months and she found herself years later not knowing what anything meant anymore. Life used to be black and white. She would walk the side of the kind and good and now she was treading through a swarm of a morally gray compound.

These restless nights, she loathed them but then again, suffering was something that came naturally to her. The only person to ever knock her down was herself.

She climbed out of bed, fuzzy slippers over her feet as she walked to the bathroom. Her headache had worsened and she stared into the mirror. She had looked at herself a thousand times but… have her eyes always been that blue? No, she was tired and her vision was fuzzy, she was fine. Cold water came to her hands as she turned on the facet and splashed her face. Everything was the same as it always was. Expect for today.

Her order was simple. Defeat whoever stood in her way and make sure the Phantom Lord got Lucy Heratfilia. Why did they want some mage? She didn’t know but she was never one to second guess her orders. To go against what she was told was a waste of time, she would have been dead by the end of the day if she did. She had once believed that they accepted her with open arms, that Phantom Lord truly cared about her well being. It was a lie. A bitter sweet lie she allowed to remain in her head.

Hundreds of opponents had come before her. She was accustomed to the way of a battle and had harnessed her skill at a young age. The pure power of the rain pushed her further. She had an unlimited amount of power around her, unlike others, they would run out of fuel. She began to crave that god-like power. Allow the storm to rage on, all she had was herself and the droplets that followed. She understood she was an outcast. Love was never an option, not for someone who brought gloom everywhere.

But this afternoon, fate was a funny thing. She walked onto that rooftop, winning was the only thing on her mind, but he was there. A man who didn’t back down, a man who saw her as an equal.

Her heart began to race. It was forgien and she wasn’t sure if she liked it. She had felt attraction before but this, this was different. Something as small as a single glance had already spun her mind into a muddled mess. It would have been better if she turned around, if he didn’t engage in the fight. Then maybe she wouldn’t be thinking of him like this.

Love at first sight. That wasn’t real. No one could possibly have that happen. What could drive someone's emotion so wild that they become attached to a person in such a short time? And yet it happened. He stood there waiting for the next move and she could only gaze at him with rose colored glasses.

An enemy. A traitor. That's what she would be if she dared to let him escape. She couldn’t hestatite, she never did and now she was frozen in her spot as ice magic danced around her. Peoples magic and abilities never intrigued her, but this, this was beyond anything she had seen.

The light reflecting off of the ice as her droplets froze before her eyes was breathtaking and she hardly noticed that she was losing the battle. She never thought rain could look, dare she say, beautiful? But in this state of its frozen glory, it was all she could think about. She envied those who never had to stay in the rain, a jealousy she didn’t want to admit had festered over the years and she gave up trying to despise the element. But before her was something much more than the state she was accustomed to. Ice. The solid purity of her own and she had wondered what it would be like to hold it in her hands.

She had water locked him, pulled out all of the stops and even with that, he stood again and again. He had screamed that the water was boiling, burning his skin but never before had the water gone above warm. It was usually ice cold on the tipping point of freezing but she could feel the warmth surrounding her.

It shocked her just the same. She had heard people talk about feeling the sun kiss their skin, the warmth spreading as they walked, this was the closest she had felt to that. This warm rush of water was beyond what she had known and yet even as it tinged her hands it felt good, it felt freeing, it felt right.

It burned in a way she had craved for so long. Something other than the fridgeness she had grown used too.

She stared at her reflection in her mirror, tears brimming her eyes. How could one person she just met bring her something she had never felt before? She shut the light out in the bathroom and walked back to her bed, passing her window, she stopped and turned.

Above in the sky was the moon. A soft white glow surrounded the orb that she had never seen before. It was breathtaking. A cosmic power the normal people of the world didn’t dare to worship now became a luxury. The sky was clear and she could see the stars, she could sense them all. How could she have lived her entire life never once seeing the moon and the sun? She had been cursed to live in the rain forever.

But he-he made it stop.

When he grabbed her arm, it was like time had stopped. As if everything she had ever known was washed away and all she could see was a bright light encasing him. She was content knowing her death was coming, there was hardly a reason for her to live. Perhaps she wasn't even living, just surviving day after gloomy day.

He pulled her to safety, her back against the roof as she panted heavily. Those clouds above her moved like a curtain for a show, parting just so that she could see the enchanting mystery she had always craved.

She had never known a blue sky till then. The brightness was almost unbearable as she stared into a sky she had never known. So many emotions flooded her head but it was clear as those ice crystals that her heart was beating for him. She was his enemy, they made that clear from the start but he hadn’t hesitated to save her. He showed a mercy she had never come across.

Another tear fell as she sat on her bed.

“He saved Juvia.” She whispered to herself. A horrific thought came to her. Would she have saved him? She didn’t want to know the outcome because deep down she believed she was good. Beneath the surface of unremosle power, there was that scared little girl who never had anyone to care for her.

The amount of days she sat in that orphanage alone sewing her dolls and praying that the rain stopped one way or another, it was as if she couldn’t remember it. He had done the impossible. He showed her the sky she hadn’t seen. He had shown her kindness.

A thought came to mind as she stood and packed her things. No more would she be known as “the rain woman”. No more would gloom be her only trait. She was determined to find something much more appealing than those bowing by fear. She wanted love. She wanted that warmth of the water constantly and the feeling of the sun on her skin. She understood it now. There was a power strong than her, stronger than any wizard that surrounded the other guild.

She had vowed to be done with love. Promised herself that no man could hurt her again. She was trembling at the thought of being vulnerable once more. The only time she felt warmth was the scorching burn of a fiery rejection and words that burned like lava. It was too much for someone to handle. So she pushed it down, locked the key and threw it as far as she could. The temptation though. The idea of letting her guard down for someone, someone she barely knew? How she fantasized of that moment. She had once believed that someone of her past had done that, but they were all the same. Ashamed of the rain, the rain she caused, the pain she brought.

And after their fight when she collected herself and tried to run back towards her guild, he stopped her.

“For what it's worth I think you’re an incredible wizard. You may not want to believe that your guild is dark and bad but, Fairy Tail is always open.” He had said it with such sincerity that she wasn’t sure if it were true.

“Juvia thinks your magic is just as powerful.” She had said before he gave her a smile and turned away to go back to his other guild mates.

And here she stood, a suitcases packed in the night and a note left on the desk. This guild didn’t deserve any words. Not when they feasted on her ability. Harvested those negative emotions and almost made her fall into the deep end.

She knew what they would say. They would call her a coward. A traitor and a worthless wizard, at first it was enough to stop her. Make her stay and perhaps bring back the clouds. However what he said stuck in her mind.

“I would rather die fighting than let your guild have Lucy! She is one of us and we don’t leave anyone behind.”

Without hesitation he made it clear that every member of the guild was valued no matter how long they had been there, they were a family. If something like that would have happened, if she were threatened, her guild would let her die without a second thought.

Never again would she allow someone to have a hold over her. She spent too many years sheltered by pain and deviation to go on like that.

She grabbed her bag and closed her door.

Juvia stood in front of the door. The morning would be better to do this but it was beyond dark outside and she didn’t want her intrusive thoughts pulling her back to her old guild. Softly she knocked, maybe hoping that he wouldn’t hear it and force her back to the isolation of fear.

The open clicked open and her eyes widened slightly as a sleepy Gray leaned against the door frame, shirtless and rubbing his eyes.

“Juvia?” He blinked and watched as her cheek puffed out in red. He looked down to see that he was only in his underwear and let out a yelp as he grabbed a blanket off the chair. “What are you doing here?”

“Um Juvia thought.” She paused and looked towards the ground. “Actually Juvia apologies for disturbing you.” Her back was to him and she began to walk away.

“Wait!” His hand caught hers and he pulled slightly. A jolt of warmth spread through her, burning her like a thousand suns as well as the chill of ice from his own temperature. She looked back at him, eyes wide and lips parted. “Juvia, please just tell me.”

“Such kindness.” She whispered to herself. Her heart rate sped up just like it did earlier and she swallowed a breath. “Juvia was wondering…why did you save her?”

His hand dropped her as if he were shocked that she would dare question his action.

“I wasn’t going to let you die. Enemies or not, I don’t think you deserved that fate. I don’t believe that you are this evil person your guild made you out to be. To be honest when you fell, you look like you didn’t care what happened and I guess I saw myself in you.”

“You saved Juvia because you know what it's like?”

“To feel lost and hopeless I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Sometimes it's hard thinking you deserve to live, that it would be better to harbor all the pain of your past. I don’t know everything about you but that look in your eyes. I couldn’t let you go knowing that there was a brighter future ahead.”

A tear dripped from her eye. Her smile was soft as hugged her arms to her body. “You knew Juvia would join the guild.”

“Well I wouldn’t say I knew, but I was hoping that you would. If you still want to, that is.”

“Juvia would be honored.” She bowed respectfully towards him.

Gray smiled and bowed back. His eyes faced the sky looking towards the moon. “Have you ever seen it?”

“Tonight would be the first. Juvia thinks the stars are remarkable.”

“Lucy knows alot about them, I think you two would be good friends.”

Juvia shook her head as regret twisted in her stomach. “Juvia accepts your kindness and compassion but she doesn’t know if the rest will. Juvia was her rival, she understands if everyone doesn’t see her as a friend.” She frowned slightly.

A laugh came from the ice mage's mouth. “That's the thing about Fairy Tail, no matter where you come from or what your past may have held, there's always going to be a friend waiting.”

Juvia nodded. “Thank you Gray. Juvia will talk to your guild master tomorrow.”

“Like I said before. You’re an incredible wizard, you’ll be just fine.” He winked.

“Have a nice night.”

“You too.”

She watched as he entered his house before turning around and walking towards her hotel. Her shoulders felt lighter and she held her head high for the first time. This was her step in the right direction, this was where her new life began.

Time had slowed and allowed her to pause. A beautiful revelation she never knew could exist came to mind as she just realized that she was in love.

---

She looked down at her leg in the mirror. The voices behind her had faded to the background as she became entranced with the mark of Fairy Tail.

“The blue suits you.” She turned to see Gray standing there with a smile as he was focused on her guild mark.

To say that she was grateful was an understatement. Her mask she wore like a crown had shattered. It unravels in his hands as the months went on and all that was left was the person she wanted to be. She could finally let go of her ghosts, her darkness and begin to forgive herself.

---

“What do you think?” He asked her as the white sky fell with snow.

Gray had told her of a special spot he used to go to when the first snow came. Past the forest was a clearing of grassy hills that would soon become a winter wonderland. Laid out on one of the hills was a blanket and a few lanterns.

She held her hand out and felt the tiny snowflakes collect on her hand. He sat behind her, one arm snaked around her waist while the other hand rose above hers and created a small flurry of snowflakes.

“Breathtaking.” She gushed. This was the first time she had seen snow fall. Her eyes followed the ice magic as it formed a heart and blew into the sky joining the other flurries. She turned so she could meet his eyes and his normal content face was replaced with a smile.

He leaned forward until their noses touched briefly. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He said and she only had a moment to process his words as his lips landed on hers and her eyes fluttered close.

Her hand went to his cheek as she leaned towards him, her energy matching his and all she could hear was the thumping of her heart. She would be embarrassed to say that she might have dreamt of this moment a little too much but it didn’t matter now. All she knew was that her beloved felt the same.

---

For once she was happy to hear a cry. That little whimper bubbling from the baby's mouth, her baby, she was in disbelief. Perfection was a rarity. No one was perfect, but the being with a tuft of dark blue hair and grey eyes would beg to differ. A child was never in her future. The thought came up randomly but the idea of raising a family wasn’t even a question.

During her missions in her old guild, she would walk past a family. She would see happy faces on everyone and would only be filled with envy and hatred. Disgusting was what it was. How could you love someone else when there was no love for you?

But times change. She would see others holding their child's hand and feel a warmth in her heart at how the children beamed up at their parents. She could sense the love all around them and would smile herself, hoping that it might become a reality for herself.

She would wake in the middle of the night, not from her demons but for her new reason to live. He would babble and tug at the locks of her hair and giggle when water magic danced before his young eyes.

---

It was nights like these that loved the most. The soft rays of moonlight casting shadows through her window as silk sheets wrapped around her bare form. She used to spend nights alone, only her pillow to catch her tears and now delicate fingers trail her backside as she listens to the thumping of his heart. His chest rises and falls as her own follows the rhythm. Her eyes flutter close as her tiredness grows untils it's interrupted by a cool press of lips under her ear.

A peaceful sigh leaves her lips as she tilts her head up to meet dark eyes gazing at her. Flushed cheeks was something she wore often and she lifted off of him to move further up and meet his lips with hers. He pulls her back to him, hating the emptiness between them and adores the way she shivers when his thumb traces her guild mark.

Their love was honest and raw. She had learned that nights like those in the past would haunt him as well. They would keep him up and plague his thoughts with images of death and destruction. But now, they lingered in the shadows, always there but something brighter and beautiful guarded them to peace and she focused on the way he breathed her name then the tears that dropped.

There was an overwhelming amount of happiness that she had gathered after all the years she spent in Fairy Tail. She found friendship and family bonds. Love in all forms that she cherished deeply. Her powers were seen as a gift to help others and lend a hand, not twisted into medled lies that she had spent so long untangling.

Her lips pulled from his slowly and their breaths settled between them. When she looked at Gray she found something more. She had freedom and rebirth. Forgiveness and lust wrapped into something more than love. Their bond was stronger than she could have ever dreamed and when he left kisses over her skin she wanted nothing more in life than to stay frozen in this moment.

He did the impossible. He opened a door, shined a light through her darkness and allowed her to accept the fact that she did deserve to live. She could cherish moments and keep them as her own without the threat of corruption. Her life was now her own to command and she did it with such grace and beauty that Gray couldn’t imagine her being any different.

“I love you.” He promised and there was no doubt in her mind that he meant it.

“I love you too.” She responded.

The beautiful truth was that she was finally at peace and loved herself.

---

I hope that you all enjoyed and thank you for being so lovely <3

#Gruvia #Gruvia fic #gray x Juvia #Juvia x Gray #Juvia ft #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #fairy tail #fairy tail fic #thewritingstar

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kimnjss · 3 years ago

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(beans)

hellooooo, im back. i went to a wedding!!

ok two updates. first, tae and jk??? absolute goals! i love them so much, very unproblematic and seems like they as a couple know how to have fun, which not many couples can. good for them, good for them

miss y/n??? why does jimin need to know we're in the studio? youre being very sus ok? also jimin just completely ignoring her and acting nonchalant but also being giggly on live? 🤔🤔

kez, you have this beautiful talent, you made me fall for jin and everything kept going smoothly and then BAM you hit us with douchebag!jin for one chapter and then continue things with him being soft again, to smooth over the blow, but the damage has already been done, so cool.

thank you for taking the time to feed us everyday!

ps. do you have twt?

pps. whats the whole guy no. 3 thing? please explain

oooh that's soo excitingg! i lovee weddings <333

since they've been together for so long ., they have such a great understanding of one another that they're able to have fun when they're together without worrying abt wht they might say or do hurting the other person . nd now they're finally able to share their relationship w the people closet to them ., love thattt !

LOL ., even tho jimin is the way that he is - he's terrible when he's nervous or actually feeling smth . so him being dry asf through text ., but all giggly on live is so in line w him - he thinks he's flirting lmao nd he got such a giddy feeling from yn texting him first .

jin was soo perfect ! nd when you least expect it ., his true colors sneak up on you ! nd it sucks bc he's not entirely a bad guy... just out of touch? he still likes yn nd cares abt her ., which is why he switches to being sweet so quickly . he doesn't realize that the way that he acts doesn't really fit the real boyfriend look .

ps. yes i do have a twitter! but i hardly use it anymore :/

pps. guy #3... ugh. just some guy that i started talking to at the beginning of the summer . he was giving fr boyfriend vibes nd i cut all my hoes off . then he started being weird nd stressing me out - nd after way too long ., i stopped talking to him -

but fr he had me the way jimin has yn . so i feel for my girl .,

#🅱️ anon #asks; ➿#asks; kez 🍯

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vanchlo · 5 years ago

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Birdy (Green Eyes / 2)

Read the first part, Green Eyes, here! :-)

Blurb Synopsis: After finally meeting the mysterious Mr. Styles you subbed for, you take a job at the same school, right across the hall from him. You’re unsure how much longer you can hide your feelings for him as you’ve grown to become best friends.

Genre: Teacher Harry, fluff, romance, angst, and a little sad.

Warnings: None

Word Count: Nearly 8k words

Pairing: Harry x Reader

Music Inspo: Blackbird by The Beatles (click to listen)

Your desk was covered in Twix wrappers, multicolored gel pens, and empty cans of Coke. The new school year hadn’t even begun, and your desk already looked like a tornado had come by. Not to mention the fact that school started in almost three weeks and you hardly had any classroom books. You kept telling yourself it’s a high school English classroom, not a third-grade classroom. There’s a library down the hall for a reason, but the classroom barren of books drove you nuts. Your desk wasn’t shy to books though, as favorites of Harry had found a home on the dark wood.

Leaves of Grass.

Catcher in the Rye.

The Sun Also Rises.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Walking into your classroom on this sunny morning, the thought makes the smile on your face grow wider. Finally, you can say that you have your own classroom. The sight of the week-old books leaves the smile there on your lips. A laugh dances off of them at the sight of the Roald Dahl book, bringing you back to the memory when you found it there one morning.

You had asked Harry why he included it in the occasional stack of books he loaned to you. He said it’s required reading, because so few people know the movies are based on a book. You’re just wondering when he’s going to slip The Outsiders or Stuart Little under your door next.

The rows of ancient cream desks stare back at you, and you wonder just how you’re going to command a classroom in a few days. Well, seven of them to be exact. Then you try to remind yourself, for the twentieth time, that you’ve done this before. It won’t be so hard, then. Perhaps you’ll even have some past students, and that should help. Right?

You’ve barely gotten a few steps into your classroom, because of the thoughts muddling your mind. Sighing, you slip off your bag to leave on your chair. One that some days you don’t even sit in, because your legs are walking miles around your classroom, setting up. Thumbtacks are scattered across the expanse of your desk, reminding you of the unfinished walls. Before you can think about the posters sitting in the corner, a flash of pink catches your eye. Furrowing your brow, your eyes flit back to the flash of color.

It’s a hot pink Post-It note with messy handwriting in black ink.

Should I get us burgers or subs for the meeting we have today?

PS: You’re officially a teacher now with your own pad of Post-Its ;)

You’re sure that the insane happiness painting your face would look more at home on that of a teenager. Nonetheless, you can’t get rid of it, and you wouldn’t want to. This rings even more true when you see the note is stuck to a copy of Matilda. A warmth blossoms in your chest as you pick it up, running your thumb along the weathered edges. Ones you haven’t touched in ages, it seems. Within seconds you’re stepping into the hallway, thoughts knitting together in your mind. They’re from the love you have deep down for this story, a favorite book, and movie of yours as a child. The elation budding in your mind stops when you find his door closed, just as you had minutes ago. Unable to hide your disappointment, a pout tugs at your lips as you turn around.

“Ya gotta verdict already? Dat was quick,” a voice drawls from behind you. Your pout is a thing of the past, and a grin is making its way to replace it. Spinning around, your summery dress follows your twirling body.

A couple paces away, Harry stands at the top step of the staircase. His trademark brown leather backpack is slung over one shoulder. A black Fleetwood Mac t-shirt hugs his upper half, a black and blue flannel covering his arms. His old skool Vans echo down the hallway as he walks towards you.

“Well, I’ve already read it,” you inform him, observing his content smile turn into a confused one. “A couple of times actually. Once when I was 8, then some other times through the years.”

“Ah, so I got lucky and happened upon a lifetime favourite, have I?” he smirks, only a few steps away now.

“Mmmhmm,” you nod, your growing hair tickling your chin before you move it away. “When are you going to tell me what your favorite book is?”

“When ya finally guess it right,” he quips, stopping in front of you. A dimple falls into his left cheek as he shows off his sparkling teeth. Okay, sir, it is too early in the morning to be looking this attractive.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop being so chipper when it’s only nine in the morning,” you tell him firmly, but it’s all for show. Poking his chest, your finger just hits pure muscle. Swoon.

“Then maybe wake up, already, birdy,” he chirps, the Raybans in his hair moving when his head goes from side to side. Chuckling, he grabs hold of your finger and tries to bite it, but you pull away in time. The mention of the recent pet name slows you down, but you haven’t gotten bitten yet. “Ya betta not fall asleep in today’s meetin’ like ya did last week.”

“I didn’t fall asleep, I was just resting my eyes!” you exclaim, throwing your hands into the air. His amused giggle greets your ears as he unclips his ring of keys from his blue jeans.

“Yes ya did, ya don’t getta lie t’ me, love,” he responds in between laughs, seemingly finding this more amusing than it really is.

“Oh, so John can fall asleep at meetings, but I can’t?” you ask, your voice raising with laughter and faux annoyance.

You watch Harry pluck his sunglasses from his head as you walk into his dark classroom. The streams of sunlight speckle desks and pictures donning his walls. As you flick on the light, the smell of oranges wafts over you again. The red bowl sat upon his desk filled with the citrus makes you feel at home, albeit his mere presence does that without fail.

“No, ya can’t. Sorry, love. I don’t make tha rules ‘round here.”

“Lame,” you sigh, paging through the book mindlessly as you fall into his new chair. He finally splurged and bought a comfy leather one that you steal every chance you can get.

“Want a Bit-O-Honey, honey?” Harry offers, pulling your eyes away from the familiar pictures. Grinning, you take the wrapped candy from his outstretched hand, trying to ignore the pet name. You find it hard to forget as you half look through the book and half watch him peel off his flannel. A sight, indeed.

“Wait, how’d you put this in my room if the door was locked? The other books you sneaked in when I stepped out,” you ask suddenly, working on the piece of hard candy in your mouth.

“I tol’ Marty tha janitor I forgot sumthin’ in yer room.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice even though his back is to you. A broad one at that. When he turns just the slightest to peek at you, you find crinkles around his glimmering eyes.

“Harry!” you scoff, your jaw falling to your chest, although not quite.

“Oh stop it, ya know ya like it.”

Groaning, you cross your arms over your chest in annoyance, but it doesn’t last very long.

“I don’t like all of these meetings,” you complain, throwing your head back onto the headrest. You flip to a page that makes you smile at the sight of cartoon Matilda.

“Get used t’ it, ‘s one o’ tha big differences between bein’ a sub an’ a salaried teacher. Shoulda just stayed a sub then,” he jokes, driving you to pick up a Bit-O-Honey and throw it at his head. Turning away from the things he’s unloading from his backpack, he whines. “Heeey! Watch dat arm o’ yers, ‘s a scary one. Maybe ya should be teachin’ gym class instead.”

“Sports are ew,” you reply, ducking when he throws it back at you. “Harry Styles, you stop it!” you manage in between giggles, finally closing the book.

“Oh ya, and what’re ya gonna do ‘bout it in t’ose heels, huh?” he teases, his hands leaving the pockets of his oversized backpack. “Ya gonna fly over t’ me, li’l birdy?”

Huffing, you set down the book on his neat desk. Placing his hands on his hips, he turns to you and sticks out his tongue.

“Oh, that’s it! You’re going to get it!” you threaten, standing from the chair as his laughter fills the room.

“‘m soooo scared, boohoo,” he teases with a fake sob, his fists mimicking wiping tears from his cheeks. Snickering, he returns to his backpack. “Go hang up yer posters in yer room and leave me be fer once.”

“You’re no fun,” you proclaim with a final whimper. Grabbing the book, you come up from behind him, softly hitting him with it on the shoulder.

“I warned you,” he retorts. Before you know it, he gently grabs your wrist and pulls you over to stand in front of him.

“Warned me about what?” you jest, a giggle wedging its way into your sentence as you drop the book onto a desk. You know that you’re getting on his nerves now. It’s the only time you’ve heard his teacher voice come out, but hey, you’re not complaining.

His thick eyebrows above those eyes raise, wrinkling his forehead tan from your days at the beach the last few months. Harry pushing you off a rope swing into the water, him bitching about doing all of the paddling during your canoe trip, not so accidentally drenching your back with water from his paddle, and head dunking competitions while swimming. The tan looks far better on him, you think, as you admire the sun-kissed freckles peppering his face.

“I told ya one time dat yer good at pushin’ me buttons, and here ya are doin’ it. I know I shoulda neva told ya dat,” he mutters, the curls atop his head dancing as his head rocks back and forth. The nervous laughter bubbling inside of you finds its escape, and you know that you’ve done it now. “But I guess ya jus’ don’t listen, do ya, bird?”

You can’t stop yourself, and there you are poking his dimple with your finger. This time, you squeal when it finds its way between his nibbling teeth. His name leaves your lips in a near shout which only grows worse as his fingers dance along your ribs.

“Stop, stop!” you cry out, but with no avail. His other arm comes around your middle to trap you with your back against a desk, despite your squirming. His other fingers dig into your sides before finding the soft flesh of your tummy.

“Stop bloody screamin’, yer gonna make e’rybody think ‘m murderin’ ya or sumthin’,” he titters. You almost give in at the sight of his crinkly eyes and the smile stretching across his face.

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then I might jus’ hafta find a way t’ shut ya up, my li’l bird,” he coos from above you, a brunette brow raising.

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really,” he hums, the tips of his fingers ghosting over your side now.

His bubblegum lips relax, falling into a knowing smirk. The laughs disappear from the both of you as his fingers still, resting on your side. The seconds tick by as your heart hammers in your chest, because his face is closer than it was a second ago. You gulp, suddenly finding the gold flecks in his eyes you didn’t know were there. Or the smattering of tiny freckles along his nose. That all becomes a thought of the past when his lips become the only thing you can think about as they near you. “Shall I?” Harry says in a breathy whisper, and you’re nodding even before his last syllable hits the air.

Your skin feels hot and prickly all over as your eyes fall closed, waiting for what happens next. The very thing you’ve dreamed of since that day you dropped the books in front of him. When he took off his shirt at the beach, revealing his toned chest covered in black tattoos. The charisma and kindness he carried at your very first meeting after you were hired, the beginning of you two being joined at the hip.

His lips are soft when he presses them against yours, and warm. He surrounds your lips with his slowly, as excitement rushes through you. A woodsy smell engulfs you when your nose brushes against his prickly cheek. His lips feel like velvet against yours with the slightest taste of Carmex chapstick. You’re sure he can feel the smile hiding on yours as his top lip fits between yours like a puzzle piece. His thin beard you’ve never seen him without tickles at your skin as your lips mold together. You can still feel the tingle on your lips after he’s pulled away. As well as the one that spreads across your body when those green eyes look into yours.

“See, I was right. It did get you t’ shuddup,” he mumbles, the blissed-out smirk on his face covering every inch of his skin. You’ve seen his nervous smiles and everything in between, but you’re certain you’ve never seen that smile before. Not that your face is any better, because right now it’s a competition between whose smile is bigger. It might just be a tie, and you wish there could be a tie-breaker.

“You should do that more often,” you smile, an uneasy laugh bringing an end to your risky words.

“I think ‘d be happy with dat.”

You try to tell yourself you’re glad his hands didn’t stray to your face, because he would’ve felt the heat of your tomato likened cheeks. There’s no use, because you want them there, but on your sides, as they are is better than nothing. It fills your stomach with multitudes of butterflies just to have your hands on each other.

His hands draw shapes into your back when you wrap him in a hug. The fresh smell of his citrus body wash fills your nose, your skin touching the fabric of his shirt.

“Ya gonna get all soft on me now, are ya?” he whispers above you, his cheek against the side of your head.

“Mmmhmm,” is all you can muster as you find yourself dragging the tips of your fingers along his side.

Raising your head to peek up at him, his eyes drop to you. “Good, I like ya dat way,” he murmurs, running his thumb along the roundness of your cheek. His tongue peeks out of his lips, held between his teeth. “Verdict?” he almost laughs, causing the butterflies inside of you to stir.

“I don’t know. I think I might need um, another sample,” you smirk, watching a corner of his mouth meet his cheek.

“Tha’s fair,” he agrees before dipping to plant another kiss to your lips. His lips are even more decadent a second time, and you quickly realize how addicting this could become. You realize it’s the only addiction you’d be okay with having as the tip of his nose caresses your cheek.

Your lips part with a soft smack, much too soon for your liking. “We should prolly get back t’ work,” Harry snickers, his breath against your face sweet from the caramel candy.

“Yeah,” you agree aloud, much to your dismay. “I’d give it an A, by the way.”

“Hmmm,” he thinks aloud, quirking his eyebrows in response.

“A long overdue one.”

“‘d say yer right there,” he echos, pinching your cheek between his fingers. Giggling, you pull away as your laughs mix with each other’s.

“Hey, Harry!” a voice calls, sounding far away.

You separate quickly, like two magnets repelling each other. It saddens you, but when a colleague steps into Harry’s classroom a moment later, you’re met with relief as you grab the book off the desk.

“Hi, Trent. Ya ready t’ see who falls asleep first in t’day’s meetin’?” he quips, stuffing his hands in his pockets, nonchalantly leaning against a desk.

“My money’s on John, for sure,” Trent jokes, pressing his red glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Oh hi, Y/N,” he says, greeting you. You wave with a small ‘hi’ as you stand at the edge of the classroom near the windows uneasily.

“I dunno, my money feels pretty good on her,” Harry teases, pointing a finger at you before winking.

“Whatever. I better go take my nap now that you reminded me,” you return, sauntering out of the room and into the hall.

Out of his presence, the butterflies take flight inside of you. A warmth fills your body all over when you reach the safety of your classroom. Closing the door, you fall against it with happiness jumping from the smile on your lips. Squealing with your hands held to your chest, you soon sigh at the thought of his lips. His lips soon being on yours again, and again, and again.

Exhaling, you step down from the chair and stare at your hard work. Nodding in approval, you straighten the skirt of your patterned mustard dress. The happy face of Anne Frank looks back at you from the enlarged poster of her autobiography. Dragging your feet over to your desk, you plop onto your brown spinny chair, ignoring your heels forgotten on the floor. You bask in the new ambiance of your classroom, feeling the pleasure from the new posters donning your walls.

The Diary of Anne Frank.

Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S saying ‘you’re means y-o-u a-r-e.’

The quote, ‘Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not’ - Tyrion Lannister.

A funny grammar poster that makes you feel like an even bigger English nerd.

Frowning, the last poster in the corner sits there begging to be shown off, but you need help with it. After the events of earlier, you’re nervous to approach Harry. A sweet kind of nervousness, but nonetheless it’s there. Huffing, you grab the edge of the desk to pull you closer. Pressing play, the Queen song crawls from your laptop’s speakers, slowly filling the room. Clicking through your open windows, you finally find the unit plan you’ve been working on.

Voices carry down the hallway outside your door, but you can’t make out what they’re saying. Squinting, as if it will help your hearing, you then tilt your head to look out your half-opened door. Jackson from the nearby history wing walks by, laughing at something somebody said.

“Dis betta not be a bloody heavy desk, Jack,” somebody responds, amusement laced in their voice.

“Hey, I know that voice,” you softly whisper to yourself, your lips curling at its sound.

“You’re the one who agreed to help me! You can’t get out of helping me bring it in now, Harry!”

You hear the melodic sound of his laugh, perhaps one of your favorite sounds. The butterflies return when you let yourself think about getting to hear it as much as you’d like in these walls. 5 days a week for 9 months out of the year- well, something like that.

A couple seconds later, Harry zooms past your door saying, “Get t’ work!” in a mocking deep voice, winking.

“You!” you shout back, giggling to yourself with hot cheeks. You attempt to return your attention to the document open on your screen. It’s difficult, you find, because the thing consuming your mind is how nice Harry’s bum looked in those jeans.

Chatter pecks at your ears as you swivel in your chair, watching your new colleagues converse around the table. Your new boss laughs with somebody standing at the room’s front by the projector screen. Reaching forward, you pluck another carrot from your plate to nibble on nervously. Once again, you pull out your phone to busy yourself, only making you feel guiltier for not mingling. You’ve already said at least a ‘hi’ to everyone in this room already, and you have the rest of your career to get to know them, you tell yourself. Bouncing your leg, your eyes drift to the clock on the wall. Impatience spreads like a hot wave throughout your limbs, bringing your eyes yet again to the back door to the conference room. When is he going to get here, you guess fervently, counting down the minutes until the meeting starts.

A thud! surprises you when a white paper bag lands on the table in front of you.

“Hmm, I didn’t know ya were a jumpa,” a voice snickers, its owner soon coming into view in front of you. Harry. “Why ya lookin’ like a lost puppy, bird?” he coos, pushing out his bottom lip as he pulls out the chair to your right.

“I’m not,” you retort, continuing to scroll through Instagram, stopping when you see a picture of a Goldendoodle puppy.

“Yes, ya do. What, were ya wonderin’ what’d ya do if I didn’t show? Can’t have ya missin’ yer security blanket now,” he teases, poking you in the ribs with a glint in his eye.

“Stop,” you giggle, placing your phone face down on the table. Sitting up and eyeing the food, you pinch his thigh for good measure.

“Hey, watch those fingas, missy. They keep gettin’ ya into trouble lately,” he warns, tsking as his head goes from side to side. Opening the bag, he pulls out a familiar wrapped burger to hand to you.

“Thank you, I’ll pay you back.”

“Shhhh, ya can pay next time. Sound good?” Harry hums, flitting his eyes to you with an eyebrow raise.

You give him his answer with a nod before taking a bite of the cheeseburger. Your boss starts to tell everybody to find a seat so they can begin the meeting. Out of the corner of your eye, Harry sets a packet of fries in front of you. Shooting him a smile, he returns it as he feeds one between his happy lips. Chairs squeak and whine as they’re moved and sat in around the long table. Somebody nudges your foot, and to no surprise, you find it’s Harry. He holds out a covered paper cup, a red straw poking from the top. A ‘thank you’ is held in your smile and he just nods, slipping off his sunglasses to set down. Your attention is stolen by his fingers raking through his curls to put them back in place.

A thought pops into your head unwarranted, and consumes your attention as the principal speaks. I wonder if this means now I get to run my fingers through those curls, you ponder as you grab a fry. At the most inconvenient time possible, your mind starts to dig around. Doubts soon fill your thoughts, along with questions about what this will be with him. You try to push them away and lock them in a box, but they’ve done their job. Any smile left on your lips is gone now, and you continue to eat your burger quietly.

“Ya eat jus’ like a bird with t’ose li’l bites,” Harry whispers, scooting closer to the table to retrieve the packets of ketchup from the bag.

Turning to look at him, he holds a glowing smile in his eyes for you. His shoe knocks into yours and he leaves it sitting on top of yours. Take that, stupid brain, you announce to your thoughts as you affectionately bump your knee against Harry’s.

Reverting your thoughts to the towering figure speaking at the front of the room, a smile buds on your lips at the feeling of Harry rubbing his knee against yours.

Rubbing your hands across your eyes, you feel the breath leave you in a whoosh. Tapping the board with your electronic marker that’s a pen, highlighter, and an eraser in one, you drag it in zig zags. The scribbles on the board disappear in a flash. Suddenly, it falls from your hands when you feel a pair of arms surround your waist.

“Hiya, bird,” a voice says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. Their warm breath tickles the nape of your neck, and so does the collar of their shirt. Spinning around, you find Harry standing there, a pout forming on his face. The adorable Starry Night tie you bought for him hangs loosely over his cornflower blue button-down. “What, why won’t ya lemme hug you?”

“Harry, anybody could walk in,” you insist, prying his arms from your waist. Bending down, you pick up the pen and place it back in its holder with a click.

“All tha students are gone by now, babe. ‘s half past 3, and any dat are around are at practice. Tha last place they’d wanna be ‘s back t’ a classroom afta their first day o’ school,” he murmurs, wedging his way back into your good graces as he pulls you back into his arms. “I wanted t’ see how me birdy’s first day went. Sooooo, wha’s tha verdict?”

“It was good. A little overwhelming, though,” you hum in return, letting your head fall backward to fit against his cheek.

“It ‘s fer e’rybody, love, so don’t worry. It’ll get betta, jus’ hang in there. Tha first month ‘s nothin’, that’s tha honeymoon period befo’ e’rythin’ goes wild.” His lips brush against your cheek with every word, the feeling of his ticklish stubble something you’re not yet used to.

“Harry!” you scoff, turning your head to find his hairy cheeks creased with a devilish smile behind you.

“‘m kiddin’, well not really, but hey, ya got me t’ help ya through it all. Don’t fret, love,” he tries to assure you, brushing the back of his fingers along your side. “What was yer favourite part o’ yer day, hmm?”

“Seeing some familiar students from when I used to sub. It was nice to catch up with them and hear stories,” you reveal, looking down as you cover his hands settled on your tummy with your own.

“Mmm, that’s good. Familiar faces are always nice,” Harry mumbles, the point of his nose dragging along the expanse of your cheek. “Did I tell ya yet ya look really pretty in yer new dress?”

“Yes, you did. About three times, but thank you again.”

“Welcome, bird. I hope no teenage boys are crushin’ on ya now,” he jests, planting a loud kiss on your temple. The remnants of his minty piece of gum cover your face in a silent cloud as he laughs at his own joke.

“Yuck! Oh and like there aren’t dozens of girls fawning over you in your classes?” you chuckle, bringing a whine to his lips when you squirm in his arms. “Put that lip away.”

“Or what? Hmm, what’re ya gonna do ‘bout it? Ya can kiss it away like all tha girls in me classes wanna do, if ya want,” Harry smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at you once you turn around. Lifting a hand from his arm, it lifts to brush back the brown ringlets falling onto his forehead.

“You’re gross sometimes. It makes me wonder how I can kiss that potty mouth.”

“Well ya do, and ya sure seem t’ like it,” he winks, dramatically licking his lips with a loud slurp.

“Stop!” you exclaim, collapsing into laughter, your head returning to his chest. His hands clasp over your back, his thumb brushing your skin through the jade dress you wear. You’re grateful for your face hidden away in his chest for when you feel his lips pepper kisses from your temple to your neck. He leaves your skin tingling from his magical touch, and his growing curls leave a trail down your neck.

“I think dis year’s gonna be a good one,” he coos against your ear, letting his smooth nose brush against its lobe. “I got tha reason right here.”

“Can we do this though?” The words jump from your lips without a chance to catch them and shove them back in their safety.

“Do what, love? Kiss? ‘Course, ya jus’ take yer lips and my lips, and put ‘em togetha’ like dis,” he wisecracks, lifting your head to show you the humor painting his face. Puckering his flushed lips, he closes the space between you to press a peck to your waiting lips. Pulling away, he quirks an eyebrow at you in silent questioning.

“That’s not what I meant, Harry,” you continue, your words falling short of the thoughts buzzing around in your skull.

“Then what’d ya mean?”

“Can we, I don’t know . . ,” you begin, but you lose your footing. Leaving his arms regrettably, you almost lose your footing quite literally when he tries to hold on. A sound leaves his lips at your departure, but you try to ignore it. That’s easier said than done, you realize as you fight with yourself, wondering if you should say that word or not. “Date . . as colleagues?”

They they are, free to the wind. It feels like coming home and your heavy book bag leaving your shoulders, although this time it’s far less trivial. The similarity doesn’t ease your anxious mind as you stop in front of your desk, fingering at the note that greeted you this morning. A pink Post-It note smattered with his sometimes unreadable handwriting, resting on top of a box of novels he gifted to you for your classroom.

To my favorite teacher - I know you’ve been dreading this day for months, and looking forward to it, too. You’re going to do great. They’re going to love you. You’re not going to mess anything up. You got this, bird. Remember that. Take it easy on yourself. Remember, you have to take care of yourself, so then you can take care of them. You’ll learn from each other too. Just keep remembering pizza at the beach with me tonight to celebrate your first day.

Harry xoxooxoxoxo

“‘Course we can, as long as it doesn’t bleed into our work life. What d’ya mean?” Harry says, trying to inject lightheartedness into his words. You both can hear the failed effect they have, and they only make his words sound sadder.

“I don’t know, I don’t want to like, get in trouble, or something. I just started this job.”

“Oh,” is all he mumbles. Mumbled or not, you hear the finality in his one word. As well as all that it says with that single syllable.

Looking over your shoulder at him, you find the confirmation you needed knitting together his features. “Harry,” you say, turning the rest of your body to face him. He takes a step back, and now you know you’ve done it. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Then how’d ya mean it?” he retorts, coolness playing in his voice. He knows he’s done it, too. “Hmmm, bird? Ya only care ‘bout dat part o’ it - if we get caught and what people would think? Only wanna keep me a secret?” His words bite as he spits them into the air. They hit your face with a sting, but nothing compares to how he threw your nickname into the mud. The nickname you love, that happened all because of the first meal you shared together.

“Harry, don’t. You know that’s not what I meant- Y-you’re being ridiculous,” you press, stepping forward. It’s like one step forward and two steps back, because he continues to walk away from you. Quickly, your hands grow shaky as the feeling consumes the rest of your body.

“No, I know what ya meant. Or ‘s there mo’ ya want t’ say? Want t’ say dat ‘Oh, ‘s too risky, so maybe we shouldn’t do dis anymo’, even tho’ it makes us happy,’” Harry persists, his right hand lifting in question, before it falls with a slap to his thigh.

“We never even said what this was,” you try to say, but before you get any further, you know you’re just making it worse. You know that he’ll read into your words incorrectly and assume the worst, despite your true meaning. At the realization, your heart pounds harder in your chest. The look on his face like you just slapped him tells you all you need to know. “Harry, wait.”

“No, yer right. We neva said what dis was, but apparently ‘s nuthin’ worth labelin’ or takin’ risks fer,” he grumbles. His head falls with a spiteful smile, but when it lifts again something shatters in your chest. With wet eyes, he continues in a croaky voice, “Then why’d ya take tha job knowin’ I was mad ‘bout ya?”

Your lips wobble with his name dangling from them. When you try to walk over to him, you’re only two steps in when he holds a hand up. “No, don’t. ‘m glad ya told me early on. ‘m happy I didn’t already start fallin’ fer ya or anythin’. That’d be real shitty, wouldn’t it?” he wheezes, a strange smile tugging at his lips dealing failed sarcasm. Sniffling, a tear falls down his tanned skin and he brushes it away. With a shake of his head, he turns to walk out of the door. You know that you shouldn’t, but you let him, because you know you have to.

Collapsing at your desk, your head falls into your hands. Tears splash into your palms as your chest shakes, wondering just how you turned the best first day into the worst first day.

You know that a note won’t be there, but you continue to wish as your heels clack down the halls of lockers. You know that you’ll see his face no matter how hard you try to avoid him, and that it’ll hurt more than you thought it would. Although you prepared yourself, unlocking the door to your classroom and finding no notes from him hurts more than you suspected. The hurt only stings worse when you pass each other in the halls with your students trailing behind, eyes falling away instantly. The spark in the air is lost when he huffs, passing you on the way to the vending machine in the lounge, leaving as soon as he came. Although the hurt grew as the attacks came and went, nothing could prepare you for the absence of his notes that week. That was an eventuality you had dreaded thinking of since the day you found the first one, back in his classroom.

You tried at the very least, albeit an understatement. Notes dropped into his mailbox went unanswered, as well as texts and phone calls. Even the bag of Bit O Honeys failed at their messages of apology. A few times you thought about trudging into his classroom after the bell rang, and hashing it out. Each time you mustered just enough courage to do so, a staff meeting got in the way. Or, within 5 minutes of the bell, his door was locked and he was gone. Speaking of staff meetings, you suffered even worse at those. No longer was he your security blanket at your side, because he no longer saved you a seat. Slowly, the young and pretty visual arts teacher grew to get on your nerves as you watched her be a little too nice to him. He didn’t entertain her taunts and turn to you with a smirk to rub it in your face. No, he was a good guy, and you had to go and ruin it, or what was becoming of it.

He ignored you - at staff meetings, in the copy room, in the staff lounge, in the halls, when both of your classes were in the library - basically everywhere and anywhere. It was an understatement to say you suffered because of it. You had to buddy up with Jen, the poetry teacher. She took the brunt of your questions, whether technology-related or English related. You became fast friends, but unlike the easiness with Harry, you quickly felt you were a nuisance. That was something he never made you feel like, well, until now that is.

You made the mistake of getting your hopes up when you found a bag of Bit O Honeys in your mailbox one morning. That is until the white note on it told you in his writing to stop plugging his box with them. Instead, you tossed them on the counter in the staff lounge to share, never wanting to see those yellow and red wrappers again. Quickly, what you thought had become your dream job morphed into a nightmare. His face filled your thoughts day after day, and it especially distracted you when your mind chose the tear-stricken memory. It bled into your lectures and although it stung less when you saw him, without fail every day, it was messing with your mind. It didn’t help when you were beginning a unit on Romeo and Juliet and a student joked you could play Juliet and Mr. Styles could play Romeo, quite literally.

You had been staying after school every day to finish lesson plans, grade tests, reflect on teaching, and plan for the next day. The October chill that arrived this week only made you want to stay in your cozy classroom with the Autumn decorations you hung up. Soon, it would be Halloween and costumes would fill the halls. The thought pours memories into your mind, but a particular one sours the enjoyment for you. The memory of planning a matching costume with Harry. Jay and Daisy from The Great Gatbsy, like the English teacher nerds you are. Were.

Swallowing past the lump in your throat, you reach for your water bottle. A groan finds its way past your lips when you pick it up, only to find it's empty. Standing with it in your hands, you cross the room to your door. After a few steps into the hallway, your movements freeze at the sight of his open door. Biting back any hesitations, your hand shakes when it presses against the wood.

Something thrilling washes over you when you find his head bent over his desk. His left hand covered with varying rings props his head up as he marks the page with his favorite red pen. A Micron pen, but only you would know that. Pausing, he fiddles with the tan braces strapping his shoulders clad in a handsome white and gray checkered button-down. Words stick together inside of your mouth, and when you hear the click of your shoe, regret surges inside of you.

“I made a mistake,” you say, testing the waters, although you know they’re stormy. Clearing your throat, you hope the subsequent ones will come out louder and stronger, before he can stop you. Your galloping heart jumps when he lifts his head to look at you, a question painting his face. “I fucked up, and I could never say how sorry I am. I said the wrong things, and I didn’t mean them that way- that’s not the point . . . I miss you, Harry. You’re all I think about, even when I’m thinking of other things, or when I’m teaching. That’s how I know it’s bad, because even though it’s only been a month, it still hurts like it was yesterday,” your voice screeches to a halt. You take one step at a time as he watches you.

A curl tickles his bearded cheek, making you want to tuck it back into place, but you can’t. A crumb from a chip sits on his chin, making you want to brush it away, but you know you can’t. And neither can you whisk away the worry lines forming around his eyes.

“I need you, not just to help me figure out how to use a projector or what a conjunction is again. But I need to tell you about the good parts of my day, and even the bad parts. Because even though we haven’t talked for like a month, my mind still goes to you when something good happens, or even bad. Even my students tease that we should be together, so that says something,” you try your hand at joking, but he turns his attention back to his desk. “Harry, please. I’m sorry,” you plead with him, tears catching the last of your words.

“Sorry doesn’t jus’ make it all go away, bird,” he returns cooly. His head lifts ever so slightly, only to fall. As if he changed his mind a few seconds into a decision.

“I know, but I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll buy you Bit-O-Honeys for the rest of your life, grade your papers, check your mailbox, or buy the next meals for a month. Anything.” The apologies run off of your lips, but he doesn’t say anything, nor do his actions. An exhale whooshes over your pursed lips as your nails dig into your clenched palms. Defeat covers your body as you turn to leave.

“None o’ dat takes away what ya said,” he announces painfully, the new fabric of his chair squeaking with his movements.

“I know,” you say automatically, a battle waging its way inside of you of whether to look at him. As if his words laced with hurt didn’t already leave you breathless. “So tell me what I have to do.”

“I can’t do dat, bird. Ya should know,” he sighs, clucking his tongue in disbelief.

Your eyes fall shut and your jaw clenches in anger, but the sweet smell of oranges brings you back to the moment. “I’m sorry that I made it seem like it wasn’t worth being with you, because it was, and I realized that even more after . . what happened. I’m sorry that it didn’t seem like I was dedicated enough, but I want to be a- I want to show you that I can be, and I want to be that to you. I’m sorry that I care too much about what other people think, because I only care what you think. It’s ripped me apart lately knowing that you hate me, and how you can’t even be around me, and . . ,” your string of words breaks off, stolen away by your onset of tears. They rumble through your chest with tremors, and the embarrassment brings your hands to your face streaked with them.

The howling of the wind hugs the windows, masking any other sounds. If there were, you can’t hear them, but you do feel something. His fingers wrapping around yours, pulling your hands away from your face.

“Ya gonna stop now befo’ ya make me cry too?” he hums, one corner of his lips turned up ever so slightly. With raised eyebrows, they pose the question to you. Nodding fast with hiccups stealing your words, he kneads your hands between his own. “Are ya gonna shuddup or am I gonna hafta make you?” Harry softly laughs.

“You’re going to have to make me,” you return, stumbling over your sobbed words.

“Good, was hopin’ ya’d say dat.”

Smirking playfully, he steps forward to cup your face in his hands. The callused tips of his fingers make quick work of the tears staining your face, as well as his lips. “Don’t cry, and don’t ever say dat I hate you,” he coos in between pecks to your wet skin singing with his kisses. “Don’t want me pretty birdy t’ cry no mo’.”

“Your bird doesn’t want to cry and be sad, and miss you anymore,” you whimper, trying to hold it all in, but it comes pouring out.

“Baby bird,” he pouts sadly, his rose lips round and extended. His brow presses into a sad line as the same emotion carries his words. “Lemme make it all betta.”

Nodding, you hiccup again as you cover his hands with yours. His subsequent smile warms your insides cold and aching from the long days without him. His lips bring a respite when they touch yours, ending the harsh drought. Kissing him back, you revel in the feeling of his unkempt scratchy beard against your face. Just one more thing you missed. Severing the kiss, you mumble an ‘I’m sorry’ against his chapped lips.

“Shhh, ‘s okay, love. I know ya are,” he tells you before bringing his lips back against yours. They move together slowly, welcoming the return of the other.

Your mouth falls to envelope his bottom lip in between yours, his facial hair feathery against your mouth. Hungrily, you kiss him and savor his familiar taste and smell. Fingers drifting to his hair, they return home to his buttery curls. His lips pull away only to plant another kiss against your mouth. Too soon, he breaks the kiss with a breathy laugh against your lips.

“My goodness, lemme breathe, love.”

“Sorry . . I missed you.”

“Ya sure did, bird. Think I missed ya a li’l more, though,” Harry chuckles as your hands fall from his locks. His thumb steals the last hint of a tear from under your eye. The amusement creasing his features disappears swiftly. “‘m sorry too, y’know. I overreacted, and I shouldn’t have put meself over yer job. It wasn’t fair o’ me t’ do dat. D’ya think I can have those Bit-O-Honeys back, or were ya serious ‘bout buyin’ me a lifetime supply?”

Groaning, you playfully shove at his chest, only to have him wrap you up in his arms. “I guess I was serious.”

“Hmm, ya don’t sound too serious ‘bout it, bird. But that’s okay, I got all tha honey I need right here,” he replies, planting a kiss atop your head nuzzled into his neck, swaying you back and forth. Nodding, you finally let yourself relax for the first time in weeks at the greeting of his sweet smell. One that feels like home to you. “Wait, yer students said we should be togetha? That’s funny, cuz so did mine.”

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toastedbuckwheat · 5 years ago

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Hello! May I ask how you draw? I'm currently learning how to myself and would be highly interested into a step to step process by you! Like from sketch to the done thing (no color necessary)

Hello there!

I dunno how I feel about showing how I work/giving advice to someone who’s learning (and I say it as a pro artist who went through years of traditional art education) because when I do the illustrations you see here on my tumblr I BREAK THE RULES you’d learn though life drawing routine, and give in to bad habits, and my methods are rather unplanned and chaotic which makes it difficult to pinpoint significant stages. But I used my portable potato to take some photos during working on my last piece, so I’ll throw it here with a bit of an explanation of what’s going on.

Before I begin - and because you’re about to look at a mess of a WIP - I’d like to give you some general advice that generally makes life easier when you draw (again, things that I learned in traditional arts education - another artist might advise you the complete opposite, dunno!)

Work holistically. Forget them satisfying-to-look-at clips on instagram showing someone produce a hyperrealistic portrait starting from an eye, with each and every element emerging being finished before they proceed to another part. It takes a lot of talent, yes, but these are ppl redrawing a photo in a kind of a mechanical manner. Most artists don’t work this way. Especially if you’re working without a reference, or if you’re doing a life drawing - your process will be layering and changing and finding what works best to give an impression of what you’re drawing rather than reproduce the exact image, and your artwork is likely to look messy most of the time.That said: don’t start with the details. Don’t spend too much time on a particular part while neglecting others. Your goal is to keep the whole piece at the same level of ‘finished’ (even though it’s unfinished - do I make sense?) before you’re confident that everything is where it should be and proceed to the details. So sketch out the composition first. See how things fit, what’s the dynamics. You’ll save yourself from limbs sticking out from the frame, odd proportions etc etc.

Because it’s a game of relationships between different parts of the picture/scene. I ask you not to worry about finishing a single element before laying out the rest because you’ll find that said element will look different once the other part appears! For instance - you might think that the colour you picked for a character’s hair is already very dark. But once you’re done with the night sky background, you’ll find that it’s in fact too light, and doesn’t work well with the cold palette. You’ll have to revisit different parts of the image as you go to balance these relationships and make the picture work as a whole.

Give an impression of something being there without actually drawing it ‘properly’- because details are hard, mate. You’ll see that my lineart usually has hardly any, and my colouring is large unrefined stains, but the finished thing looks convincing. Like, fuck, I can never focus on how Crowley’s eyes are really shaped. So I just turn them into large glowing yellow ellipses crossed by a line, and heard no protests so far.

Don’t panic if you messed up (you probably didn’t anyway). It might turn out to be a completely unnoticeable mistake - because, remember, things work together to balance each other, so another finished off prominent element will probably drown that badly placed line that looked so visible and out of place a second ago.

It might not look good before it’s finished. I’m mostly immune to it after years of drawing, and my recent illustrations all follow a specific method (ykno, my sunset glow effects and all that) so I can kinda predict the next stage. But I do my linearts on a specially picked crap paper, I don’t bother erasing the smudged graphite, and it looks messy af until I make the background white in Photoshop. Conclusion: you might have a moment of doubt as you work through a piece, but try to break through it - I often suddenly start to like what I cursed a minute before! - and try to finish it even if it’s meant to be bad. This way, looking through your past pieces, you’ll see the progress. And trust me, I can’t even look at my art from literally three months ago. It’s normal.

Now, pics! The sketches are paler in real life, but I increased the contrast a little so you can see something.

1. Laying out the composition!

I wanted to just show them kissing, but I got carried away due to some Art Nouveau inspiration. As you might have noticed, most of my illustrations are quite self-contained (ykno - they look like a sticker on a plain background). So I wanted a tight swirl bordered by Aziraphale’s wings creating a sort of rounded, yin-yang like bubble around them. Consequently I made the whole composition revolve around their heads.

2. Adding more details to the sketch. It’s messy af. It will be messy until I’m done. It’s fine.

3. These are the fineliners I use for the linearts! They are made by Uni-ball and come in light and dark grey. I also sometimes use the guy on the left - ‘Touch’ sign pen by Pentel, when I want more brush-like, wider strokes. I work in grey because when I scan it and do my usual boring trick with sunlight highlights - which is an Overlay mode layer in Photoshop - the highlights ‘burn out’ the lines too and make them vanish a little, and the lighting effect gets more striking. I also like to use the light grey ones to make something look pencil-y without actually using pencil, because pencil fucking smudges.

4. It smudges! So because I am right handed, I start inking from the right hand side, no matter how tempted I am to do their faces first.

5. You can see the composition directions here. I made it intuitively, but ofc some ppl actually use grids etc to lay out their drawings.

6. See how pale ans thin the lineart was at first? I kept adjusting it as new inked parts were appearing. It starts to look nice and consistent now!

7. Finished lineart? There are some mistakes which I later corrected in PS. Notice that Aziraphale’s face has hardly any details on it - I tried to make the drawing suggest his expression rather than risk overdoing it.

8. Photoshop time!! You can totally do what I did here even if you don’t have a graphic tablet. I used Curves tool to enhance the lineart, then Quick Selection Tool to select the background around around my sticker-like piece and filled it white (on a new layer ofc). I keep this white layer on top of the layer order so it works as a mask as I colour. I decided I did not like the hatching shading underneath Aziraphale’s halo, so I erased it with a Stamp tool (because I wanna keep the textured grey fill my crap paper naturally gives me!). It’s done roughly but won’t be visible once the thing is coloured.

9. And the reason why I keep the grey shade instead of easily getting rid of it by using Curves/Levels is because when I set this layer to Multiply mode and colour underneath, it gives me this nice desaturated look like from an old cheap paper comic page. It works as a natural filter! But of course I can’t do bright colours this way, so all my glowing highlights happen ABOVE the lineart layer - on a separate layer in Overlay mode!

Finished thing here!

_____

Commission infoBuy Me a Coffee - help me with my transitioning expenses!Prints and stickers and things on my Redbubble!

#ask the buckwheat #long post #tutorial #drawing advice #drawing tutorial #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens fanart #good omens art #my illustrations #doodles #toastedbuckwheat

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years ago

Text

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? ooooof. I don’t think i’d buy that. I hardly think people who DO show they have feelings for me are being truthful, so I doubt that.

Do you play video games? haven’t in some time, but I want to get back into it a little.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? oh heck yeah. I have a really great family.

Is your house more than two stories tall? nah, it’s the two stories with a basement.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I will never raise my hands to another human being. I once dated someone who was a veteran and had severe ptsd. we were napping one time and he got aggressive. that wasn’t HIM though.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) physically, I suppose I have nice eyes and a decent smile. personality wise, I am warm, friendly, loving, supportive, sometimes funny, very loyal.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? depends which one I use. I have a pink one right now.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? I honestly haven’t got a clue. I haven’t been let out of my room in 2 weeks.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? yes. it’s weird.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? DEF not. he has been asking me out since we worked together maybeeeee.. 8-9 years ago?

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? yes! I am trying to learn how to undo that. it’s not that I don’t want to care about him, but I know and can soooooooo clearly see that he doesn’t care anymore, and it is extremely emotionally draining to watch.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I wanna say female but idk

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? scott

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? couple days ago.

Do you play any games on Facebook? Nope.

What would you like to get a degree in? I have two degrees -- one in psych and one in SLP.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? ahahahaha yes. almost always wide awake from 3-6

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? typically more in the movie/show or book mood.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Both. nothing like that buttery, salty goodness that obvs requires an enormous drink

What genre of films do you like the best? either make me EXTREMELY sad, or romantic.

How many bank accounts do you have? 2

Have you ever had the flu? Yeah.

What is your goal for the next few months? i have several. the only one that can/will be public right now, is to get my lungs back to functioning as they were.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? yes. I have very bad breathing during sleep. I have had 11 sleep studies done, because my breathing will just stop randomly, which luckily my brain wakes me. it doesn’t really affect my like severely.. I function normally. but shoooooot, if I got normal levels of sleep i’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yes. It was AWFUL. vomiting for 2 days straight. it was so gross.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. smart and romantic.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? hmm. I think there have been times where i’ve let people have more access to me than they should have had. or there have definitely been times I’ve been used in school groups. But honestly, I tend to be protective of myself. I stop when I feel enough is enough.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? I would want either Bill to not die, or for her to be spoiled incessantly by someone else.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? psh. no. my friends are all tiny which is just not fun.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Yeah. i found it so fun.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? ahahahaha no.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? mopping. i hate doing the floors.

Did you pull a senior prank? Not really advised when a homeschooler.

Did you graduate? Yes. that was a rough, rough day.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope

What was the last song you listened to? i think it was Happier than Ever by billie eilish. the lyrics are ... woof.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? 20/12 -- the last time I had insurance anyway.

Is fashion one of your interests? honestly, if I had money, it would be. but it isnt right now.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? It’s getting harder and harder to believe that will be the case. I knowwwww I need to start dating, but every time I go to open up an app, I hesitate and chicken out. I just was so happy before.. its hard to think I could be able to offer anything to anyone right now.

Do you care what people think? veryyyyyy few people. I care about the thoughts of those I genuinely love and respect. However, I still ensure I’m protecting myself regardless.

Is acting something you enjoy? No.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I have a bum knee, so I sprain that from time to time. I last broke a finger.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? ahahahaha yes. but years ago. never because of mine.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. I don’t cuss.

Whose house, other than yours and your families’, are you most comfortable at? probably either nathan’s or em’s.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? alix’s family used to yell at me a lot for being fat. that used to mess me up.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? soccer. no, i found the endless running to be unnecessary.

Did you ever watch the show Full House? yup

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? no, thats so out-of-touch with reality

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? yes, i have.

What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? i think it was 8 hours. I hate hate hate hikes. But, thats because I have really weak lungs, so my doctor says it’s like lighting them on fire.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? kile

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? my mom hasn’t since a teenager. I think my dad does still. though, i dunno for certain.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? uhhhh, PTK honors society

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Any reptile or insect. <<<< same

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Yes. very much so.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? No, i respect people who are truthful saying they either try not to judge, or that they do judge despite their desire to stop.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? sooooooo much. it’s small town-y, quiet, safe, lots of trees, family close by.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? ps i love you will always shatter my heart.

What’s your favorite restaurant? buona or ashford

Is there a dessert you don’t like? im not wild about pastries.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? hmmm maybe that one mrs. pettigrews home for peculiar children.

Underwater or outer space? i’m fascinated by both. typically more interested in the water.

Dogs or cats? both. all of them.

Kittens or puppies? kittens.

Bird watching or whale watching? whales!!!!!!!!

What was your best subject in school? in HS probably history. or science. in college, psych or neuro.

What was your worst subject in school? Math. always freakin’ math.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Uhhh. hm. i don’t think anything. I liked my experience.

Who is your fashion icon? nada.

Diamonds or pearls? Both are nice. I love pearl stud earrings and I really want a simple, one pearl necklace. I am kinda ruined for diamonds for some time. My favorite rings and necklace were diamonds from kile and I just cant bring myself to wear those anymore.

What color dress did you wear to prom? pink

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? oh sure. I am envious of those with bangin’ bods. I’m envious of those who have great finances. I am envious of those who live life married to their love. I’m envious of people who see kile regularly. But there are difficulties that come with any of those situations.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? not long ago. the whole crushing reality of losing kile just destroyed me. I’m OK now.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? ahahahahah. I just reject all calls.

Who are you closest to? My mom and nathan rn.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? no

Are you currently sad about anything? several things have recently been really saddening, but I’m ok. Ill get thru it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Its going to be some time before I’m cleared for that. I almost faint from taking a shower and I have to be on oxygen after doing the one flight of stairs.

Can you handle blood? doesn’t bother me at all.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? yes. I mean technically, I was legal to work in that I was 17, but the company didn’t want to hire younger than 18.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? not like in public, but at a house or gun range, yes.

Are you currently searching for a job? soon.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? i’m never ever ever hungry for it. I know i should, but its the worst. I don’t even like breakfast foods.

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shnuggletea · 4 years ago

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Yo, what up? Sorry, I've been MIA, had a LOT going on. Three/four weeks of moving and then Eid with a week-long stay with friends/family. Then I had to get my kid registered for school which was more stressful and ridiculous than the last month combined. Why I had to do a physical for my kid to do virtual school, I'll never know. PS, it's kindergarten so what the hell does she need the physical for? (Gave them shot records too so IDK anymore). Just now getting back into the swing of things. Thank you all for being patient. Here is a nice long chapter for you this evening. I hope you are all doing well and surviving/thriving.

Fanfiction HERE!

AO3 HERE!

Chapter 18

She wasn't surprised in the least to find him on the couch when she left her room at 4 am. Their connection flowed with ease once again.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy but his mind was racing even in his sleep. Stopping for a second, she watched him for a moment, her heart swelling at the sight of him slightly peaceful. But then the memories of the night before cracked it all over again.

Her braid swung heavily on her head as she turned quickly towards the door. "Where do you think you are going."

His voice caused her heart to jump into her throat, making it sore. "Out."

"Usagi…"

"Don't."

"At least let me go with you."

He was right behind her and she swiveled around to block him with her hand. "No!"

Backing off, he sat on the arm of the couch, his arms crossing over his chest. "Did you sleep?"

She balked at him, "Did you?"

His silence was his answer, feeling his exhaustion in him as well. "You should rest. Not run off in the middle of the night."

"It is not the middle of the night, it's morning. And I am heading off to train."

"I thought we talked about this…"

"No, you talked and I listened, so now it is my turn. If you think you can just walk in here and have me bow at your feet, you've got another thing coming."

She held out a finger to point at him, not realizing it had also drawn her into him until he wrapped an arm around her. "I don't want you getting hurt."

"I have been doing JUST FINE without you."

"Usagi, I care about you, that's all."

The knife that he planted in her last night twisted at his words. "You care, huh?"

He was confused, not sure why his words gained that reaction. "Of course, I do, I love you."

She shoved away from him, backing away to the door again. "You should really make sure to finish your sentences, Chiba. You might give someone the wrong impression."

"What are you talking about?" He stood, following after her.

"You mean, 'I love you, Serenity'. See, if you finish it, it has a whole new meaning."

Her back found the door and he caged her in. "You're putting words into my mouth. I mean you. I love you, Usako."

Sticking her arm out, she pushed him away as far as she could. "Stop saying things you don't even understand. You will never know and neither will I; if you love me or Serenity. Endymion has been overruling your feelings from the start."

"I do know and I love you both! The only difference between Mamoru and Endymion is that Mamoru was an idiot! He didn't know love even when it bit him on the ass. Endymion did!"

She looked down at the ground, unable to stand his dark blue eyes on hers anymore, probing her feelings. The lack of sleep was making her weak and her thoughts were a blur.

Her hand dropped, no longer holding him back and he pulled her up from the door and into his arms. He kept his mouth at her ear, talking into the shell of it. "I'm sorry, Usako...I'm so sorry, I should have told you before. Before all of this. From the moment I first saw you, the time you hit me with that awful test score and when you poured your milkshake on me, I have been in love with you. But I didn't because I was a fool and a coward. Now I have to pay for it." His head dropped to her shoulder and she could feel him start to shake with her. "I love you, Usako, more than anything. And so, I will give you the space you want. I will give you as much as I can."

He stepped away, right after planting a kiss to her neck, and released her without another word. He was retreating back to the living room, his back to her, and she watched as it rippled with tension. "There is something I don't understand. How did you awaken? I never wanted you to. I thought I had to want it for it to happen?"

He stopped but didn't turn around. "You didn't, you wanted Endymion to awaken. So I did."

A sad laugh escaped her. "Yeah, I wanted you to wake so I could tell you off!"

He chuckled as well, flopping down to the couch and facing her. "Are you going to go out alone?"

"No… of course not."

On cue, two doors opened, Minako walked out of one and Makoto out of the other. "Oh great, someone else living here?"

"Relax, Makoto. I'm not moving in."

He rose, walking towards her again, but then she realized he was heading for the door. "I'll see you in an hour."

"What happened to giving me space?"

He smirked, standing not very far from her at all. "I said I would give you as much as I could. One hour is all I can give you for now." He leaned in even closer, his face inches from hers. "Besides, if I'm not there, who would you spar with?" Her mind started to wander to some of her previous spars, ones with the boys, and he grabbed her arm at her elbow. "Don't even think about it."

His teeth gritted, he hissed the last bit out to her and she couldn't contain her own smirk in response.

Turning towards the door, he pushed it open, but then stopped and faced her again. "Oh and be careful, dancing like that again. Cause if I catch you, I can't be held responsible for what I do to you."

The memory flashed through her, but this time, from his perspective. Including his… feelings while watching her. She wasn't sure how she felt about his little threat but color rose to her cheeks just the same. He shot her a smirk as he shut the door behind him.

The girls and Usagi waited for a beat before taking off behind him. She didn't want to run into him on their way out. Usagi knew it wouldn't be long until the girls started layering her with questions. But they at least waited till they were halfway to the warehouse.

"So….Mamoru is Endymion huh? That explains a lot."

She glanced over at Makoto, the brunette smirking and wagging her eyebrows at Usagi. Her eyes rolled, "Yeah, it explains why Mamoru ever showed me any interest in the first place."

"What do you mean?"

"Usagi thinks Mamoru is only interested in her because she was Serenity."

Makoto looked past her to Minako, the two of them having the conversation without her. "So?"

"So, she thinks he isn't in love with Usagi, she thinks he is in love with Serenity."

Makoto scrunched up her nose in confusion. "I don't understand. She is Serenity."

Minako just shrugged, "I don't get it either. I mean, I know Kun loves me because he loved Aphrodite. We are the same person."

"But Serenity and I are not the same person!"

They had just made it to the warehouse when it hit, the tightening in her stomach and their communicators going off. They stepped inside just to transform and head off to danger.

The creature didn't seem too bad, it even looked almost human by comparison. Save for the green skin and tiny horns on its head. Its long blue hair flowed down its back and it was yet again in a tight little leotard, leaving very little to the imagination. But it hardly seemed like all seven of them were needed. Eight, if you counted Mamoru who was sure to show up any second now.

The boys stayed back, watching as the three of them took it on. Looked like they agreed with her, they were not all needed for this one.

There were several bodies on the ground around it, the creature already had time to drain people. It was a lot. A lot more than usual. How did it take so long for them to notice? No way it did all of this so quickly, they all got there within seconds of the call.

The only thing she could think of was the creature must have some way of taking multiple energies at once. The fact that it attacked the Juban business district so early in the day was no coincidence either, the place would be full of victims. If it had waited an hour more to attack, it would have close to a hundred victims. As of now, she counted close to 40 and she wasn't sure she could revive all of them.

"Guys, we have to hurry and get those people their energy back!"

Venus and Jupiter gave her a silent nod, fanning out to circle the creature. Even with the other two moving around it, it kept its eyes on her, a sneer forming on its lips.

"Hello, little Moon girl."

It gave her a curious look as if it had been waiting for her. Then it threw its hands up, a silvery net forming out of thin air. It blanketed the air above her, shimmering in the street lamps. At least that explained how it drained so many people so quickly.

It fell over her, the weight of it a bit unexpected, and she could feel it trying to pull on her energy as soon as the netting touched her skin.

Pulling out her moon wand, she set it on the ground before her and extended it. The net was pushed upwards and off her skin, the staff pulling it tight across the sharp crescent on her wand and cutting it. The frayed ends fluttered around her, a small hole around her the reward.

The creature sneered and then out a visceral yell, pulling the net back to it hard. The remaining net swept around her, knocking her feet out from under her. "Watch your feet goddamnit!"

Her head hit the pavement, causing it to spin for a second, Kun's voice coming out a bit warbled. He was right though, that had been a stupid mistake. She could hear the calls of the girls' attacks and the popping and sizzling in the air. Looking back up, she saw the creature dodging and blocking each beam of energy, while its net began to glow a little with each hit. They were just feeding it.

"Venus, Jupiter, wait!"

They froze and the beast turned back to her, sending the same attacks her friends had just shot at it hurtling back at her. She hadn't even made it back to her feet yet, hitting her head harder than she realized. Putting up her arms so they covered her face and squeezed her eyes shut, she hoped her friends' attacks didn't hurt as much as they looked.

Her gravity shifted, the sound of the attacks hitting the pavement instead of her prone body ringing out, and she opened her eyes to black. A flash of red and she looked up, finding a masked Mamoru holding her up and taking her to safety.

"Sorry, I'm late. Had to dig this thing out and dust it off."

She looked him over, the tux he always used to wear now on him again. "You are still wearing that thing?"

He chuckled, "I remember very distinctly, the old Sailor Moon loving this get up."

"Pretty sure she was just in love with the idea of a mystery man swooping in to save her ass."

"And now? That she knows the man behind the mask?"

He set her back on her feet out of harm's way as usual and she shrugged. "Clearly some people love a fantasy."

He raised an eyebrow, telling her he followed her meaning even without reading her mind. "Not me, I love the reality."

Bending down, he gave her a quick peck on the lips before bounding off straight for the creature while she stood, spellbound after him.

She watched as he knelt to the ground, not too far from the creature, and pounded his fist into the ground. It shook and cracked, the girls jumping up and out of the way as the shock wave barreled towards the monster, knocking it back. It rose from the ground, smirking even with the blood on its lips.

"Good, you are here too. My Masters will be pleased!"

"And just who are they? A bunch of cowards who have yet to show themselves!"

It didn't even bother addressing Makoto and her words. It just continued to stare down Mamoru, only breaking to glance back at her from time to time.

In a flash, it threw its net out again, the silvery bands stretching out over Mamoru's head. Regaining herself from her stupor, she raced to his side, not being nearly fast enough. But Mamoru pulled out his cane and swiped the net away, causing it to fall harmlessly next to him. Just as she was about to reach him, he sped away, running right up to the monster and punching it square in the jaw. This time, she knew, the sickening pop was not Mamoru's fist.

A hand to its face, holding onto the afflicted bones, it glared back at Mamoru. But then grinned.

Shimmering, it disappeared. Everyone going wild, turning, and searching. Then the little hairs on her body stood up on end, the creature's breath hitting the back of her neck. Turning, she raised an elbow at the same time, but the creature stopped it, grabbing and holding her arm still. Its claws dipped into her skin, a scream coming from her while the beast laughed. Her brain reeling from the pain, it managed to slip some of her energy from her, her guard down. But soon, she was ripped away from its grasp, Jupiter grabbing her hard and pulling her out. Sending a kick to the monster's chest to push it back even further.

That's when she saw it, the funnel that was dropping down on it at a rapid pace now that she was no longer in the way. It sucked up the creature and she watched as it tumbled and swirled high up in the air. After a few moments, the funnel disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. The creature fell to the ground hard, its body limp.

"Now Sailor Moon!"

She adjusted her wand in her hand, pointing it at the limp body of the beast and charging up. But as soon as her energy began to pool, the creature's head yanked up from the ground, sneering, before shimmering away to nothing.

"Where the hell did it go this time?" Jupiter stood near to her, just behind her ready to jump in if it grabbed her again.

"It's gone."

The boys had moved closer as well but she wasn't sure when they had joined the battle. Venus was eyeing Mamoru carefully. "Are you sure?"

Mamoru nodded and a new voice joined the conversation. "He is right you know!"

Everyone turned, futilely looking for the source. Something told her they would not find it, only knowing it was a man that spoke to them now.

"My Cardigan has successfully returned with all that energy and we are now feasting like kings. Thank you, Sailor Moon, for your contribution!" Mamoru growled but the voice continued, speaking to her specifically. "Good luck, reviving all those people. Sorry to say, those you do not, will surely die."

He cackled and then faded away. But her mind was already on the 40 some odd bodies that laid just across from her now. Men and women, all innocent and just trying to make an honest living. Their suits dirtied and crumpled as they laid on the ground unmoving. Even with the helplessness she felt, knowing she could not save them all, she had to try.

"Sailor Moon, don't."

But she tuned Venus's voice out and Mamoru's as it screamed in her brain. She quickly extended her wand into a staff, the silver crystal materializing within it, and connected to the people on the ground, feeling her silvery energy race across the cold ground and find each and every single one of them. The most people she had healed or restored at once was 20, and it nearly killed her. This was far and away more than her body could handle. But these people didn't deserve this, to die in the cold dark all alone. If they had been faster, gotten here sooner, these people would be fine, it was her fault.

Already, her lungs and heart started to burn, the extent of her energy's depletion painful. It was her body dying. Closing her eyes, she focused, pushing out more energy into the fallen. They each needed more to survive, each one was almost completely empty. She could feel each of their hearts, struggling to beat.

Hands grabbed her, trying to pull her off or away, but she was tethered. Then they stopped, giving up she figured. Then arms wrapped around her, warmth flooding her. She had managed to block him out, to keep his angry words from reaching her so she could focus. But now that he touched her, there was nothing to keep him at bay. But instead of anger, she just felt warm.

His hands grabbed her wrists and she thought for sure he was going to rip them away from her staff. She wasn't sure he could, but if anyone was able to do it, she knew it would be him. Instead, he pulled himself in tight to her, his body wrapping around hers. His chest on her back and his arms laying on top of hers, she felt cocooned in him. Then she felt it. His golden energy leeching into her. It pulsed, heating her from head to toe and mingled with hers. The two danced together, a beautiful and playful waltz. Then it took turns, gold filling some of the victims in the place of her silver.

With his cheek against hers, she finally opened her eyes, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes. His focus was straight ahead, watching and assessing those on the ground. Each one's heart started to beat more steadily and together they eased back, pulling the threads of their energy back.

The others raced over to a few of the victims, checking vitals.

"Oh thank God!" Jad stood, satisfied with the person he checked.

"Someone should still call an ambulance." Venus was pulling out her cell from her subspace as she spoke, already dialing the number.

Her staff shrunk and shimmered away, the crystal returning to its place on her chest, in front of her heart. She lowered her arms and Mamoru did the same, but instead of removing himself from her, he wrapped his arms around her. One around her ribs while the other went around her waist, his hand sitting on her hip. And his energy still mixed inside her, his connection to her especially strong.

He rested his head on her shoulder while she stood in his arms, waiting for him to let go. "What happened to giving me space?"

His chuckle shook through her, his head lifting to put his mouth just below her ear. "This is as much space as I can give you. Especially if you are going to try and kill yourself."

Her eyes lowered guiltily to the ground. "I couldn't just let them die. I wasn't trying to kill myself."

He gave her a squeeze. "I know that, and so does the enemy, somehow. They set you up, wanting you to use up all your energy and end your life on your own."

She shook her head at the thought, being used so easily. "Well, they failed. They can't know me that well."

His energy twisted inside her, reminding her it was still there as if she could forget. "That's because they don't know me, or us."

Letting her head drop back to his shoulder, she said one of the hardest things she ever had to. Next to telling her parents goodbye. "You can stop now. The people are saved."

"No...you are not ready yet."

She felt her skin pull on her arm and lifted it to see the holes on her arm close up like magic. Because it was magic, his gentleness making the claw marks a faded memory.

Bringing her arm back down, she rested it on one of his. The material of his Tux was scratchy, compared to his skin, and his gloves contained some of the heat his hands usually put through her.

He chuckled again, bouncing her slightly. With a slight shimmer, he was back in his plain clothes. "Is that better? I never realized how much you hated that tux until now!"

Her hand still rested on the thick coarse material of his coat, but his hands were bare. The heat from them found their way through the material of her fuku without a problem. She was sure that, once he let go, she would freeze to death.

His mouth was at the shell of her ear, whispering even though he didn't need to speak at all for her to hear him. "Maybe you should change back too."

She glanced over at the sound of sirens in the distance, the girls and the boys back in their plain clothes already. If they had looked at the two of them before, they didn't see anything worth concern. Or maybe the boys talked the girls out of interrupting because now they were making their leave before the authorities arrived.

Releasing her transformation, she felt no change in her temperature as her sweats for training and heavy pea coat replaced her tiny fuku. Mamoru's energy still furrowed inside her, the realization of the intimacy they were sharing at this moment hitting her harshly, a blush finding its way to her face.

"Oh now Usako, if you keep having thoughts like that, I'm not going to be able to give you any amount of space."

He slowly began to pull out of her, his energy fighting him a bit, but slinking its way out of her once again. "Mamo.."

Her voice caught in her throat, wanting more than anything to tell him to stop and to stay. "Mamo huh? I like that." She pulled her head off his shoulder, the last of his golden threads leaving her while his arms remained around her. "Now imagine if both of our energies mingled like this. Actually, get your memories back and you won't have to."

She looked down at her hands that rested on his arms. "We did that? Both of us?" He nodded and even though she couldn't see it, she knew it. His grip loosened and she began to pull away from him. "You must miss that, miss her very much."

Her back hit his chest hard as he pulled her back swiftly. "I didn't have it with Serenity, I had it with you!" His frustration was clear in his voice and through their link.

"What?"

"Endymion and Serenity spent their time split between Earth and the Moon. When she was on Earth, her power was dampened significantly. And Endymion was completely powerless on the Moon. No Usagi, this is something only you and I share. And even if it was for a short time, you are right, I do miss it, I miss you!"

Her heart was erratic, pounding all over the place. She wasn't completely sure it was even in her chest at the moment. She struggled to understand, to rationalize his words.

With a heavy sigh, he released her and every fiber of her being mourned the loss. "I guess I need to work on getting you your memories back. Either that or prove to you that we are the same, that you are the same as Serenity."

He stood a short distance from her, watching her shiver as she stared back at him in return. A frown on his face, he turned just as Makoto and Minako slowly made their way over to her.

"I'll see you after school, Usako."

Poor Mamo is working hard! I hope you all enjoyed the update!

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xoexoxhoe · 6 years ago

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[11:27pm] Lifeboat

Characters: Im Changkyun (Monsta X) & Y/N (reader)

💥Warning: slight smut, angst, smoking, heartbreak (whats new, right?)💥

Theme: Side Piece!Changkyun, angsty affair

A/N: no one asked for this, (neither did I lol) but i was in a mood and it’s almost 5 am where I am and I just wanted to do something about MX Who Do U Love because it really is a bop. sorry if there’s typos!

PS: my AMAZING co is writing another fic based on this song and its vibe too ~ stay tuned my dudes.

“When is he supposed to be home?”

You bit your lip, glancing towards your clock and shrugging your shoulders, “Around midnight? I don’t know. He just said he’d be at a business event with his friends, you know how the company-”

Changkyun zipped up his pants, readjusting his hoodie, “I don’t need to know, Y/N.”

The tension intensified between you both until you finally succumbed to his brooding stare, “I just thought you should know where he’d be…”

He scoffed, leaning against your window pane, lighting his cigarette between those delicate fingers of his, gently letting the puffs of smoke dissipate into the cold air outside.

“Why?” was all he muttered, fixated on your figure against the headboard. Your hands clutched a pillow to your body, feeling exposed and vulnerable in the sight of Changkyun. He was supposed to just be a one time thing, someone you just fucked to get you off after having a sort of falling out with your boyfriend in the past; you just didn’t, couldn’t stay away, and that was the problem.

The soft moonlight crept across your carpet, clawing at the edge of your dresser and illuminating the haunting figure positioned against the glass, staring at you, watching you. Changkyun’s raven colored hair tousled in the wind, he pushed it back, slowly drawing in one last puff of smoke. He put out the embers against the tiles on your roof while being careful to ensure the fire was completely diminished before chucking it out of existence. Your boyfriend would be home soon, and he knew it. It was the time of the night where the sex came to an end, and you were both left with hesitant emotions. Six months of secret rendezvous in the very bed you shared with your now fiancé really made your stomach twist into an endless set of knots, tethered by confusion, lust, and hatred for yourself and the person you’ve become.

“I think we should stop this.” you whispered, realizing the pit you dug for yourself and how badly you wanted to leap out of it, make a run for the door and just start over.

Changkyun chuckled, moving to the edge of your bed. The mattress sank, causing your legs to slide out from under you, “Sounds good to me.”

You were baffled, expecting him to be a bit more opposing, not wanting you to leave or cut ties with him. “Wait, what?”

He began to slide his slender fingers across your bare thighs, your lips now parting. “You want it to be over, right?”

“I- I do. I love my fiancé.” you stammered, thoughts racing as his palm made its way to the lace strewn across your hips.

“You want me to pick up and leave, just like that?”

You nodded, “Please.”

“Beg for me to go, baby.” both of his hands were now passing over your abdomen beneath your shirt, the warmth of his touch sparking that fire he always seemed to ignite within your core.

“Don’t come back, Changkyun. You’re no good for me.”

“Why? Is it because your pretty little fiancé has a better job? Does it make up for what he lacks?” he smirked, “After all, that’s the reason why you keep on asking me to come back, isn’t it?”

Your head began to spin, pleasure devouring your thoughts, “He’s a good man, Changkyun. He deserves me, and I deserve him.”

He leaned into you, pressing your body into the headboard now, ravaging your breasts in his hands, “Good men are completely useless if they can’t satisfy their women. You don’t deserve that, Y/N.”

Your back arched when you felt his tongue glide across your neck, “Please, stop- He’ll be home any minute.”

“Then tell me why your fingers are wrapped in my hair right now? Clinging to me like you’ve got no one else to satisfy you.”

You hardly even realized the way you were tugging so intensely at his roots, filling your grasp with as much of him as you could take in. “Fuck you.”

“Say you want me.”

He bit your shoulder with just enough pressure to make you yelp, “No, I don’t want you.”

“You don’t want me to do this anymore?” he slid three fingers between your thighs, finding his way to the very heat of your center and pulsating against you slowly, “Are you a good girl, Y/N? You think you deserve this?”

“No...” you felt tears beginning to stream down your face as you were trapped between ignorance and bliss.

“Good girls don’t fuck other guys while they’re engaged, beautiful.” he sped up his pace, a soft whimper dancing across your lips. “Can he do it like me, Y/N? Does he make you happy?”

You shook your head against his shoulder, your dampened cheeks rubbing against his jacket as he finger fucked you, “I don’t know.”

“It’s a simple yes or no question, Y/N.” he whispered into your ear, nipping at you and rubbing his thumb against your clit.

“I don’t know!” you screamed, wishing you were somewhere, anywhere else other than in this bed with the guy who you’ve come to enjoy, not only for sex, but for everything. Changkyun kept you grounded, motivated; not to mention he just understood you. He knew how to fuck you, how to turn your night around through just a single dirty text. He was everything you wanted both physically and emotionally; but you weren’t sure if he was what you needed. You felt yourself spiral into the beginning of an orgasm, panting and shaking, gripping onto his shoulders as if he were the last lifeboat saving you from the sinking ship that was your engagement.

Before you knew it, he pulled out of you, standing up and licking his fingers, leaving you dazed and muddled. He tucked his hands into his pockets, moving towards your bedroom door.

“Where are you going?” you asked, fumbling out of bed breathless and dissatisfied.

“Where does it look like I’m going?” he raised an eyebrow, placing the hood of his jacket over his head.

“It… it looks like you’re leaving.” you bat your eyes, watching his minimal movements as he swayed back and forth before you.

He nodded, “You said it yourself. You want me to leave, that I’m no good for you, right? I agree.” he spun around completely, facing you and reaching a hand to your chin, pulling it into his face, “But, I know you think of me each time you close your eyes while that shit show of a fiancé fucks you. Every time you walk into this room, you’re gonna think of me, and the way I was there to satisfy the deep desires residing in your mind while he was out, probably fucking other girls. I did that.” he kissed your lips hard, pushing your shoulders back immediately, “Not him.”

He left you there frozen and distraught, unable to gather your thoughts within the little time you had before your fiancé made his way home. In a matter of seconds, you heard Changkyun’s car start up outside, peeling out of your driveway, disappearing into the night.

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astarfilledsea · 5 years ago

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tagged by the loveliest @august-landry 💛bc apparently i do ~el arte~

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

so in no order with lots of rambling:

the kageyama edit: - a couple things; its a companion to my hinata edit and idk, i was in high hq binge mode and i had just posted that rw history edit and i told myself i wasn’t gonna go do hq edits cause i have hardly the edit talents but i was really diggin how the hinata one came out, i had to do kagey. i like this one bc, honestly when i was done, i was like damn........i snapped. the base bg color is the color of his eyes. the name typo moon graphic looked really nice. and to end with the hinata boke! edit (i randomly thought of it as i was finishing up and was like omg yessssss i need to) was the perfect finishing touch. it’s simple, it only has 10 likes but i dig it a lot. i love the look of it.

the acd insta edit: - god. just thinking about making this one, hurts. i think i spent like a week and 1/2 just trying to figure out how to do this kind of edit (i use my phone for edits lol i dont have ps) and the amount of times i wanted to throw my phone bc i messed up. also i posted this last yr (ssshhh) one of my fav edits ever. i literally messaged alie and jess about a million times with thoughts bc i wanted it to be j u s t right. even tho the top photo doesnt have that filter look of the others, this took days and for my first time doing this kind of edit instead of moodboards is p damn good feeling of accomplishment.

the rw movie poster edit: idk no one had done like movie posters yet so i was like hmmmmmm perhaps i try???? (that’s p much my mentality with all edits lololol) idk i was having fun with the idea and i like the vibes of it how it came out and the title font and the bottom billing credits came out cool as heck.

the recuerda edit: - i was chillen out, listening to my tunes and this song comes on and im like aww this is so sweet and then my brain went WAIT A MINUTE REPLAY THAT and then i IMMEDIATELY thought fp and then i knew i needed to make an edit for it. it’s simple, it’s soft. i think it turned out nice. also posted in nov but listen k edits happen every eclipse blue moon

when k goes into film script galaxy mode: love when i can imagine how something will look and how it will play out complete with editing and the bg score. idk also another old post but sometimes my brain comes up with some hurtful good stuff and i have to jot it down bc damn, that was hurtful good.

honorable mention real quick: the rw movie soundtrack spotify playlist: ok listen this took me a good time to curate i thought V HARD about each song and vibe but it turned out really well and lot of y’all seem to like it so :))))))

tagging any one who does edits and is bored and wants to talk edits :)))

#ask #augustlandry #lol #im really the lets just see how this would look edit type #if it looks ok? ok perhaps we try more #if not? then we never post again #i hope you enjoyed reading this alie

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langdvnshepherd · 6 years ago

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okay lol so can u write something about stopping by duncans office at lunch time with absolutely no intentions of eating lunch and he’s just completely oblivious that ur basically begging to he bent over his desk and then he goes to town on u

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: sexual tension, mentions of smut

A/N: oop sorry this took a minute I was unexpectedly busy yesterday but here ya go lovely!!! Please send in more requests I love doing these!!!

You tossed the cherry tomato in your salad around the styrofoam bowl with your plastic fork, bored out of your goddamn mind. Duncan was going on and on about revenue and donors and politicians, all of which you couldn’t care less about. His rambling wasn’t his own fault, of course. You’d asked him about it, about work and the progress on his app he’d been developing, but it was only a formality, and your half-assed attempt at covering up the real reason why you’d shown up unannounced to his office with bags of takeout from Duncan’s favorite lunch spot in DC.

It had been nearly two weeks since you had fucked. This time of the year was especially brutal on Duncan’s workload, which meant he’d hardly ever been home except to shower and sleep and head out the next morning before you even had the chance to wake up. It was killing you having gone so long without nothing more than a quick kiss before bed and a peck on the cheek in the early hours of the morning when you were barely on the brink of consciousness. You felt neglected, and your core ached each time you reminisced about the slight sting that accompanied Duncan’s beard each time he went to town in between your legs. And that was when an idea struck you.

You knew exactly when and how long Duncan had for lunch each day, and you were going to utilize that time to your advantage. You planned accordingly, letting your coworkers know you were taking a longer lunch break today. When you swayed into Duncan’s office wearing a skirt that was probably a little too obscene for the workplace (and discreetly locked the door behind you), you were sure that he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of you. But as it turned out, that was hardly the case.

If there was a move in the book, you’d tried it. You greeted him with a passionate, longing kiss, much more intense than the usual greeting you exchanged upon seeing each other. You spent an unnatural amount of time digging for the napkin at the bottom of the to-go bag, practically throwing your ass in his face. Instead of sitting across from him like you normally did when you ate lunch together in his office, you’d perched yourself on the thick, glass desktop right beside him, making sure your legs were elongated and enticing. At one point you’d even tucked one Louboutin heel under your thigh so that the damp patch on the front of your panties was clearly visible to Duncan if he looked in your direction, but it all went right over his head. He was lost in the world of explaining his latest lobbying efforts to you than to notice you had done everything but beg him to throw you over his desk and take you from behind.

“Hey Dunc?” you interrupted, dropping your half-eaten lunch onto the empty space beside you.

“Yeah?” he perked up, crumbling up the remnants of his sandwich into the parchment wrapper and tossing it into the trash bin beside his desk.

“Still hungry?”

Duncan chuckled half-heartedly, “Uhh, a little. Why? Did you bring more food?”

“Mhmm,” you smiled down at him beguilingly, swinging your right leg out from under your thigh where it was resting to plant your expensive heel right on top of Duncan’s desk, your clothed, dripping pussy on full display and only inches from his face.

“Dessert.”

Duncan’s eyes went immediately to what was lying under your black, pleated skirt. His jaw tensed up, nostrils flaring in realization of why all of this was even happening in the first place. He knew he’d been absent from your love life for a while now. He knew he should have been making more of an effort to keep the two of you satisfied, but he’d just been too exhausted to think about anything other than work for the past few weeks. What he hadn’t known was that you’d be so desperate for release that you’d come all the way to his office on Virginia Avenue in the middle of the fucking day to solve your problem.

“You didn’t come all the way down here just to eat lunch with me, did you?” he asked as he placed his large, brawny hands on the hem of your skirt, shimmying the fabric up under your arse so that it all rested scrunched up against your hipbones.

“Nope,” you replied unabashedly with a pop of your lips.

Finally, he was catching on.

“I should have known,” he began, rubbing his thumb along the wet patch on your flesh-colored thong and pressing down gently. “It’s never that simple with you, now, is it?” You instinctively ground yourself against his digit, immediately eager for more friction.

“I know I’ve been working a lot and I haven’t been the most attentive boyfriend lately. But love, if you ever need something from me," he stopped to place a featherlight kiss right over the satin where your clit rested, “all you have to do is ask.”

“Well then-” you paused to collect yourself, already worked up from the tiniest bit of stimulation against your aching center, “This is me asking. Are you gonna do something about it or are you just gonna sit there staring at me?”

Duncan peered up at you from his seat with ravenous eyes, the familiar ocean blue now a deep navy. With a click of his tongue, he spoke again.

“I think it’s best not to test your luck right now, kitten. May I remind you, you’re in my office. If I wanted to, I could make you scream so loud that the entire building knows exactly how desperate you are to be touched.”

A puff of laughter erupted from your chest. “Is that a threat? Or a promise? Big boy...” You reached your hand out to run your fingers through his highlighted, gelled locks, and continued your movements down to caress his bottom lip with your thumb.

This time, Duncan couldn’t keep a poker face. A sliver of a grin revealed itself on Duncan’s features, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You’re a mess. You know that right?”

You gave him a reassuring nod, then shifted your body so that your cunt was resting right over the lip of the desk.

“Do your worst, Shepherd.”

Only taggin a few!! (ps sorry 4 the blue ballz)

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme @venusxxlangdon @divinelangdon @langdonshell

#duncan shepherd x reader #duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd fanfiction #michael langdon x reader #jim mason x reader #ahs #hoc #my writing #mine #asks #blurb

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably.

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

#NOTHING could make me a ''good student'' lmfao low effort and procrastination FOREVER!!!!#i studied a little bit the night before for my driving exam AND the sats........did gr8 on both b/c the devil's watching out for me #I Shouldn't Be Alive title card #but anyways i WILL tag this #long post ///#oh and you KNOW the same source got me thinking abt all this these past couple days......u_u #anyways at this point i am like lmao oh yeah i'm Not easy to interact with! and i usually don't find it easy to interact w/ everyone!#that's how it be on this bitch of an earth..

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janiedean · 6 years ago

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Why do you think the SW fandom is so knee-deep in SJ Calvinism? Because I understand wanting representation or being upset because a movie didn’t fulfill your expectations, but the “if you don’t ship X you’re racist” “if you don’t stan Y you’re bigoted” and the harassment over a disappointing movie is surprising just because of how pervasive it is. I was trying to find some St*rmpilot blogs to follow and the amount of hate is Yikes, especially the hate for Rose and the stans of a Certain Ship

eeeeeeh I think it’s because ep. 7 came out at the height of the... well, reaping the seeds the social justice calvinism had sown since 2014 so to speak? I mean, SW is hardly the one fandom where it happened (*cough* voltron and SU *cough*) but as SW is way broader in audience than those other shows that certainly didn’t help, but like, if you think on it, since 2013-ish (but I think before as well, I mean, I’ve been here since 2011 and already when I got here I felt like something was going very wrong when it came to politics-in-fandom-attitude), basically people on tumblr have progressively, when it came to fandoms:

pushed the idea that you have to over-analyze everything you consume through political lens;

pushed the idea that what you like and how you like it also has to be pushed through political lens and what you like says things about who you are as a person or your political leanings;

pushed the idea that if you care for something *problematic* just because you like it you’re excusing it;

pushed the idea that if you were problematic once you can’t ever not be problematic, you can’t change your mind and you can’t learn also because ‘it’s not my job to educate you’ so people either learn themselves or idek what but again, calvinism.

now obviously those politics are tumblr-politics which are also US centric like woah and are also high-school petty like woah, and since more or less then people have:

continuously other-ed lgbt people from *straight*/heterosexual people pushing a narrative where straight = bad and therefore putting it before anything automatically makes it a valid insult which added to the above means that if you ship het you’re already problematic regardless of whether you’re straight or not (and if you are.. lol);

pushed the performative feminism of Doom TM that says men and women should be equal but is like, an excuse to shit on men and on women who like men (see the rampant biphobia around and the whole ‘straight girls are so stupid if they’re into men they should try women’ discourse);

pushed the US terminology when it comes to the POC discourse, in the sense that everything works on the US-centered context where white people = white anglosaxon protestant, poc = everything else without realizing that in the rest of the world white does not equal wasp, that poc = black people only in most of europe (and no one who’s actually black or not white who lives in africa or asia and so on would describe themselves as poc because why the hell would you when your skin color/ethinicity is the norm where you live?), which also goes with the whole white passing debate which where I live would not exist but in that context is a mess because again, oscar i*saac is schroedinger’s poc (as in, he’s poc automatically for american standards because he’s latin-american but like he has the same skin tone as my mother and my mother in italy is white same as 90% of us, which means endless confusion) and assumed that all of us have to accept that terminology/context regardless of whether it’s valid in our countries;

kept on progressively putting minorities against each other in an endless loop of WHO HAS IT WORST/oppression olympics;

kept on progressively split hairs on issues that aren’t exactly, like, that important if there’s more urgent stuff to deal with because 90% of the activism here is performative;

made the 180° turn for which headcanons and shit are seen as, like, doing representation instead of, you know, supporting what rep is there never mind when people decide *one* ship is the right one and if another is canonized and it’s rep it gets thoroughly ignored;

pushed on a mindset for which if something isn’t perfect at the get-go then it’s canceled.

and so on.

like, all of that shit has been continuously not criticized because criticizing it especially if you don’t belong to a minority means that you’re out of line/discussing things that don’t concern you, but if you’re a minority and you criticize it then it’s suddenly YOU BETRAYED OUR CAUSE *INSERT SLUR HERE ABOUT PANDERING TO THE MAJORITY*, and the result exploded in toxic af fandoms, but like... if you look at the issues of the SW sequel trilogy fandom it’s all of that in a nutshell because:

k/ylo ren is automatically the worst because he’s white (horrible), a man (even worse), not canonically attractive (I didn’t touch on that topic bc I’m honestly not up for it mentally but lmao that counts too) and presumably heterosexual (or well, no one said he’s not but you know, since he’s a white dude on the bad side [supposedly] then we don’t give him the benefit of the doubt that he might be bi), so if you like ky/lo ren or relate to him you’re automatically problematic;

shipping re/ylo because automatically problematic because it’s a *straight* (evil) ship made of two white people (when there’s options to ship them both with people that aren’t white, so IT’S RACIST), they have an age gap (BAD BECAUSE POWER IMBALANCE) and it’s enemies to lovers, so it’s a context where people who don’t conceive redemption or that people can become better are basically crying problematic all the time, and the fact that people decided it’s *abusive* when it has like nothing that can equate it to a really abusive relationship says all;

ky/lux being the most popular slash ship immediately means that it’s the fault of the horrible straight (white) women fetishizing the (white) men on the dark side (when it’s most likely because for a while ky/lux was literally the only side of that fandom where people were chill/there wasn’t wank every other moment);

st/ormpilot has been declared The Right Ship because it’s two non-white men and it’s not straight which automatically turns into what I said before about hating other ships that would be rep anyway and feeds into the lowkey oppression olympics racism, because like if finn/rose becomes canon it’s still a mixed/biracial ship because he’s black and she’s asian....... except that it’s not the right ship for people who decided that finn has to be either with rey or poe (and guess what rey is white and poe is... schroedinger’s poc because oscar isaac in europe wouldn’t pass for *poc*), which to me has stank of lowkey racism since tlj came out because sorry but if ‘finn deserves better than rose’ or ‘finn should be with rey because if he doesn’t get rey then it’s unfair’ and the various other bullshit I read on the topic basically says that the white woman is *worthier* than the asian woman or that rose is a downgrade from rey which is fucking bullshit, rose isn’t even a bad character all the contrary. and that’s for the het side of it, but like then it’s not as good as stormpilot because it’s a straight ship (NOOOO THEY MADE FINN STRAIGHT/THEY’RE NOT MAKING THEM GAY THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT = stuff I legit saw on the tag) and ngl I’m 100% sure that the fact that daisy is Standard Attractive and kelly marie t/ran is lovely but doesn't conform to the usual beauty standard western-viewers apply on asian women did play a role in there, but: what did I say before? the slash ship is automatically better than the het ship never mind that they’re both biracial and rose is actually a rep (asian girls who don’t adhere to stereotypical body shapes - and like, the rep for all body types and shapes should be valid for all women, not just white) that isn’t exactly popular especially in mainstream cinema, so people should be happy.... but since rose is Not A Dude and Not Rey and Not The Right Kind Of Representation For That Crowd, automatically rose is a shit character and deserves to be viciously hated on. and this is a thing done by people who most likely then turn on the other side and talk shit about horrible straight women who hate the only female character for getting in the way of their slash ship without realizing that their rose hate is exactly that. and of course since sto/rmpilot is the two good guys, if you ship that then you also have to hate re/ylo because how can you, a person who ships The Good Ship On The Light Side, support such a problematic enemies to lovers thing? yeah, right, hahaha.

this also tbqh also pairs up with how on tumblr people only recognize mental health issues/abuse victims when the narrative suits them - like, being a bad victim automatically means you lose sympathy and mental health issues are only valid if you aren’t ***privileged*** otherwise why would you have them, which shows transparently in how a lot of people absolutely deny that ky/lo ren is a) an abuse victim, b) obviously mentally ill however it is that he deals with it, but no, he has to be The Most Horrible In Existence Because Otherwise We Should Have Empathy For A Bad Guy Who Also Might Get Redeemed And Redemption Is Not Happening Ever Because Bad People Don’t Deserve it.

like, all of the issues sw sequel trilogy has when it comes to the fandom are direct consequences of the nonsensical social justice calvinism climate on tumblr dot com that no one took care to put a stop to since 2013 and of its ridiculous oppression olympics and pitting people against each other and that was my take. cheers.

(ps: I also ship sto/rmpilot like woah and it’s my otp but there’s a reason why I unfollowed most SP blogs I followed and why I don’t go into the tag anymore - I’m not here for the anti-rose racism dressed up as performative wokeness, I’m not here to get lectured about as a white person I fetishize poc gay men if I ship it - yes I read that too - and I’m not here to read a bunch of meta about how re/ylo is a bad ship and blah blah blah, so yeah. I feel you.) (pps: ky/lo ren isn’t even my favorite character and I care relatively but gdi the way the fandom approaches him is honestly mindboggling in that sense, and I don’t mean people who actually dislike him because fair reasons, I mean people who can’t recognize his abuse victim status and the precarious status of his mental health. like, not all abuse victims and mentally ill people are the right victim or come from the right background and you can be cool motive still murder and still recognize that he’s like that because he has issues, not because he was drawn that way. /bye)

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #i said my piece bye #reylo for ts #kylo ren for ts #sw wank for ts #i don't mean ppl shouldn't be uncomfortable with re/ylo or ky/lo btw #but like........... this level of vitriol is ridiculous #and the rose hate is dumb af #bye *shrug*#social justice calvinism #the first person whining about straight people feeling left out as last time this happened #is getting automatically blocked bye #Anonymous #ask post

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