#like i dont think the way either of them dress changes all that much BUT i would also never deny dan his dreams of being a goth gf

[lizardsmp3]

imo for me phyuri is like...... like i understand why you would go for it as a 1:1 everything is flipped type of thing and all. but im more of the camp of like... for me its more fun to think, like, these are the same people, same personalities and aesthetics, but shifted a little on account of the lesbianism of it all. obviously i think dan would still have genderisms going on and like a deeply complicated relationship with femininity (i also think we'd have she/they in bio by like 2022 honestly) but also like. idk the lesbian relationship with femininity vs like the societal expectation of it is so inherently different & i think she would have a lot to say about it.... it's not like i think she'd be like super duper feminine but i do think exploring her relationship with it in a lesbian context would be like. a real thing for her yknow. like she is notttt shaving but i think she likes the occasional grungy makeup... smudgy eyeliner dark lip..... also i think sister daniel is still sister daniel. cranked up femme dyke drag. and where i think dan would have a complicated relationship with femininity i really truly dont think phil would care about it and even in closet era where shes performing it (badly) like it really just is not her. you already know my butch phil truth tho. like she'd literally still be hugely influenced by wanting to be oz and spike. meanwhile i think faith would do crazy things to dans brain chemistry. sorry this is such a stream of consciousness. just rambly 1 am thoughts. watch buffy

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

call it quits or call it destiny | h. umemiya.

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader(she/her pronouns, referred to as a girl, gets dressed up by tsubaki and kotoha), reader gets their hair braided (no desc of texture) and puts on makeup, lore heavy reader backstory + personality, deliquent!reader, gap moe, best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, themes of insecurity, mutual pining,the use of she/her for tsubaki, jealousy, confessions, loss of virginity, creampies / unprotected sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering, 18+

✮ wc ; 13.9k (dont. don't say anything)

✮ a/n ; me when i completely lose my mind because i have a weekend off. whats wrong with me.

anyways. there's no major triggers for this but be forewarned reader is meant to be very rag-tag deliquent type. she has a strong personality and generally is not feminine. she is like a mangy street cat a bit. also if u want u should listen to easily by bruno major while reading.

✮ synopsis ; you've been quietly pining for umemiya for a little over ten years with no plans of confessing.

you did not have a plan for what you would do if umemiya confessed to you first.

Once a day, everyday - Umemiya will come into your store, pause, smile, and confess his love to you before going off on his own.  

And once a day, everyday, you reject this confession with a soft huff  telling him to quit being stupid before shooing him away.  

It's become a ritual. A fixture in your daily routine that you're not allowed to ignore despite how hard you're trying.  

He's been doing it for three months, more or less. 

His reason for confessing everyday? Because he’s waiting on the day you confess back, of course. Which you've refused to do for the last few months and will continue to refuse for as long as you’ve got.  

It's not because you don't like him, alright? 

You've known Umemiya since middle school and you've liked him for about the same time. One of the core memories of your childhood is the day you met him, crying while sitting on a  swing-set, after what felt like the worst day of your life. 

( On the day you run away from home, you seriously consider not going back.  

You don’t really know how long you sit there. People walk by but most of them move on quickly. It’s mid-day before anyone bothers to stop and ask you something.  

 "I've never seen you around  before.” A strange looking boy approaches, friendly and unassuming but not entirely cheerful “Did you just move here?"  

You keep quiet, closing your eyes and hoping your lack of response is enough to push him away. Your hope fizzles out when you hear the swing creak as he sits besides you. 

"I'm Umemiya Hajime. I live close by." His voice is airy and causal. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.”  

"Fuck off," You reply bluntly, frowning. “I don’t need sympathy. Leave me the hell alone.”  

He pauses before pushing himself slightly forward to barely swing.  

“I couldn’t leave you alone while you’re sad,” He voices willfully. "It might make you feel better to talk about it." 

In disbelief at his response, you finally look up and asses him properly. It doesn’t do much to change your initial unfavorable impression. White hair, blue eyes and a little taller than you. You’re definitely about the same age. All of that to say, there’s something weird about him that you can’t quite place.  

Despite his manner and way of speaking though, you don’t actually think he’s that weak which makes his whole aura even more unnerving to you. His attempt at being non-threatening doesn’t work for him. He’s being a real try-hard about trying to make you comfortable… 

Either way, he’s got an air about him that puts you on the defensive.  

 Talking to someone about it had never been much of any option, and somehow it pisses you off that he’s being so brazen about it.  

Maybe if you tell him about, he’ll stop prying into your business. Or maybe you’re just looking for excuses to let off steam. 

You don't care anymore. You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.  

"I don't live here and I didn’t move. I ran away." You reply.  

He keeps looking at you, curious, inquisitive and sympathetic.  

"Why?"   

"I broke a girls nose." You scowl. The words rise up in your throat like bile. Make you feel cornered. The wounds too fresh. "It—she bullied me for years for one. And I never fought back, it was all petty bullshit anyway and I didn't like getting calls home. I didn't care about that but she—it wasn't for nothing. She was causing trouble for Sensei."  

Umemiya keeps to himself, humming in response to your troubles. Your voice breaks on your next sentence, chest tightening.  

"It doesn't matter what she does to me but—" Your hands ball up at your first. Your throat feels thick, eyes suddenly watering as your chest throbs . "Anyway, I couldn’t let it go like normal."  

He hums. "So you hit her?" 

You shake your head, sniffling. "Not at first. Just told her to shut up. Said that she didn't know what she was talking about. She hit me first..." You screw your eyes shut, sighing. "...said she was gonna spread rumors about him just trying to get under my skin and be malicious,” You lean back slightly and look up towards the gray sky. “I punched her after that."  

You realize he's looking at your bloodied knuckles, but he isn't making an expression that you can read easily. You don’t remember the last time you spoke to someone like this who wasn’t Tsukimori-sensei.  

"Are you crying because you got in trouble?"  

“Who cares about that?” You sigh “Sensei had to put his job on the line and take responsibility for me,” Your brow furrows in frustration. “He’s the one person I don’t want to cause trouble for,” You grip the iron chains of the swing set with a closed fist and finally admit what you’ve been avoiding to say out loud. “I don’t want him to hate me…”  

The kid besides you smiles  absently at your words. Half-way between listening and recalling something else, it seems like. You can’t help but wonder what the hell his deal is. You barely know him but you’re spilling your guts. 

He speaks after a long while. "I don't think he sees it that way. I think you should try to talk to him about it."  

You make a face, rejecting the idea. "What? No way." 

Umemiya shrugs, smiling - though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.  

"He sounds like he cares about you. If he knew your reasons, there's no way he would hold it against you. And it’s important to share your burdens with people who care for you." You look over and see him smiling somberly at the mulch beneath his shoes before returning back to what you’ve grown to know as his usual self. "Anyways, I think we should be friends. Tell me your name."  

You sniffle again. What a weird guy. Well you say that but 

You still give him your name. 

"What a pretty name," 

When you tell him to shut up again, your new friend Umemiya just laughs.  

And you find you feel just a little bit lighter.)  

That night, Umemiya walked with you to take the last train and told you to come see him again  with good news. 

You aren't sure what compelled you to follow his advice. Maybe because he was the first person who sat down and listened to you about it other than Sensei himself. 

Tsukimori-sensei was your school counselor and the only adult in your entire life that seemed to worry about. You didn't have any friends in middle school and you were a scary looking delinquent girl without a mother and a mostly absent father.  

But Sensei was always incredible gentle to you and incredibly kind. And despite what rumors that girl tried to spread  - he was never anything more than an important mentor.  

It was fucking embarrassing crying in front of him but because you were honest - you got to keep in touch with him. He attended your middle school and high school graduation - supporting you as you started to sort your life out. Became the closest thing you ever really got to a parental figure.  

Over time, you got close with Umemiya and developed strong loyalty to him. You attended an all-girls middle and high school the next town over - totaling one other friend in all six years of your remaining education. Lack of socialization meant that Umemiya somewhat became the very center of your existence. 

It was easy to visit him thanks to parental neglect. You sort of melted into his life. Tsubaki once called you his guard dog as a half-joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Quick to defend, quick to heel, and always happy to see him.  

You, like many people, owe Umemiya a lot. His meddling over the course of ten years gave you reason to push forward. He even encouraged you to try and attend school and not give up on living a half-decent life. 

You've got a never-ending list of short-comings but being with him didn't make you hate yourself. It made you want to be better because you knew Umemiya would accept you for whoever you decided to be.  

So despite your delinquency, you managed to graduate high school. Post-graduation, you attended a vocational culinary school and became a patisserie before moving to Furin for permanent residency. You opened a bakery and supply bread to Kotoha-chans diner.  

You made something of your life mostly 'cause of Umemiya. He's not your only friend anymore but he's still your best. Even though you never really pictured things like dating or romance - in some way it only makes sense that it'd be that meddling, kind-hearted idiot that you end up falling for it.  

Lovesickness aside, you respect Umemiya more than anyone in your personal life.  

He’s stuck around with someone like you this long after all. That means a lot to you.  

Somehow the two of you mesh well despite being totally opposite.  

You decided as soon as you realized it sometime in high school that you'd keep your feelings a secret for the rest of your life. You had a strong resolve in your beliefs about the whole thing which made it easy. You hid 'em so well even Sakura's stupid accurate romance detector didn't uncover them.  

When you picture Umemiya's future - it was easy to picture the kind of woman he would end up with. Another kind-hearted idiot like him, a social butterfly. Someone a little softer.  

In any case it definitely was not you. You didn't need it to be. You've received so much from him already, you never entertained the idea. Plus, Umemiya has dated other people over the years, so in your head there was never any hope to cling onto.  

For all reasons listed above, a requited romance is at the very bottom of your expectations.  

That's why you've been in this fucking conundrum.  

To say it was a complete shock to you when Umemiya openly confessed to you many months ago would be understatement of the goddamn century.  

He confessed right on the last day of Spring, totally out of the blue. 

(It’s a little unusual for Umemiya to call you at this hour. If it were anyone else, you’d be a little upset since you’ve gotta be up around four-am to get prepared for the day.  

It’s him though so you’re particularly tolerant, yawning as you find Umemiya on a familiar swing-set, still wearing your PJ’s.  

"Why am I out here in the middle of the night with you?"  

Your words lack any real malice as you sit down. Umemiya remains totally quiet. It's unusual for him to not immediately go on a tangent upon seeing you.  

"Oi. Earth to Hajime." You frown at him. "Did ya get beat up before coming here and scramble your brain? Give me the popsicle before it melts."  

He looks over at you and chuckles as he hands you the bag from the convenience store. You ignore his odd behavior and open up said popsicle before it melts  - carefully splitting it down the middle and giving him the bigger side before going to town on your own. He takes it from you but doesn't even bring it up to his mouth.  

Weird.  

"Did something... happen? Like seriously happen?" You take a long lick of your iced treat. It's melon flavored, your favorite. "Seeing you frown doesn't feel right. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."  

He cracks a little smile at that. It makes you feel better. He shakes his head.  

"Mm, nothing happened. I just have something I want to tell you."  

You nod in understanding. "'kay. Take your time."  

He blinks, surprised.  

"Hm? Aren't you gonna scold me for wasting your time?"  

"Nah. Whatever it is must be serious if it's making you all introspective or whatever. 's fine. Bring me coffee tomorrow and I'll forgive ya."  

His lip twitches up. "I l really like that about you."  

You feel yourself flush and wave a hand at him. "Ahh, shut up."  

He pauses for a second then shakes his head. "Mm. It's more like I like everything about you, actually."  

You twist your face in confusion. "What are you on about now?"  

"That's what I came here to tell you." Umemiya says after a deep breath. He says it so casually you wonder if you're mishearing him - leaning back to look up at the stars. "I really, really like you. I just felt like I had to tell you that"  

You stare at him in disbelief.  

"Wha—huh?"  

He doesn't even flinch as he repeats it.  

"I like you."  

"No the hell you don't."  

He furrows his brow with a light laugh. "I just told you that I do, silly."  

"But that's—" You don't say the word impossible. You really want too, but you know exactly how he would react if you did. You simply shake your head. "No, you don't." 

"I thought you might respond like this so don't worry but how about you?" He shrugs then looks at you intently. "I thought you might like me too."  

Your eyes go wide. Oh fuck.  

You feel like a deer caught in headlights. You know you should be happy about this, deep down. That'd be the normal response.  

But you just feel complicated as shit instead. Fuck does he mean? Umemiya.... likes you? There's just no way that's true. Not after all of this time. And how the fuck does he know you like him back when you've been keeping it in? 

You can't bring yourself to look him in the face and lie. Your heart rises to your throat as you shakily stand to your feet.  

"Stop...thinking whatever you've been thinking. I'm going home." You reply in complete panic. 

 The minute you say it, you turn on your heel so you don't have to look at his face. You don’t even want to know.  

And before Umemiya can catch you and try to talk it out, you bolt. 

What the fuck was that?)  

For the last few months, you've been avoiding the topic of conversation as much as you humanly can.  

The possibility of Umemiya even just accepting your feelings was already far beyond your imagination, but him returning them? Confessing first? That wasn't even in your realm of possibility.  

Ever since then, you've been losing your mind trying to force your life and train of thought to go back to normal. You’ve done all of the math on it.  

Realistically, you can't ignore him. Your lives are so mixed together it'd be impossible unless you went under protection and changed your name which you briefly considered. You thought of turning him down but you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to actually do it despite how good you are at keeping it in. Either way, your best option logistically is feigning ignorance and trying to keep the whole thing out of your mind entirely which should've been easy.  

Tricking yourself into believing the whole thing was a dream? Lightwork.  

Except. Except.  

Umemiya just won't give up.  

He confesses to you again every single day. Worse, he doesn't care whose around to hear him. No one in your friend group seems even the tiniest bit shocked by it which doesn't help the situation. You can't get used to it, can't get used to him being so fucking cheeky as he stops you midway through normal conversation to tell you he loves you.  

He's persistent to a fault and while you've done well feigning immunity - you can't survive like this.  

You've graduated to tell him to go away and treating the whole thing like some big joke.  

But honestly? 

You're avoiding having a proper conversation about it. Umemiya is especially keen in not letting you forget that. And determined to make you confess.  

But you're not going to to let him sway you.  

You've got principles, after all.  

__  

After you close up shop on Friday, you get dressed to attend a kickback with all of your friends.  

It's a barbecue technically - commemorating the end of summer. Togame is really into grilling and in their weird domestic partnership, Chouji really enjoys hosting. They've done this once or twice a year ever since they started living together.  

Once you've finished cleaning up the store, you take the train to Kotoha's place - mistakenly assuming you'd leave as soon as you got there. However you failed to realize that Tsubaki and Kotoha would be getting ready together.  

You got jumped as soon as you walked through the door - so now you're wearing a different pair of clothes that Tsuabki got for you and waiting for them to finish getting you dressed up so you can leave.  

Tsuabkino is inches from your face while Kotoha braids your hair. You feel itchy and exposed but with both of them here there's no way you're going to get out of wearing it. 

"Can we just go?" You grumble, not enjoying the feeling of being poked and prodded.  

"No," Tsubaki insists, frown making her expression pinch. "You have half an eyelash on. Sit still." 

"He'll be happy to see you dressed up," Kotoha adds, trying to encourage you. You frown and look down.  

"Whatever. I don't care about makin' him happy."  

The both of them pause and stare at you until you fold under the pressure - screwing your eyes shut and making you flush.  

“Such a blatant lie.”  

Tsubaki giggles. “Right?”  

Your face feels hot. "Ahhh, alright already. Shut up."  

"Honest girls are much cuter," Tsubaki coos. You give her a half-assed glare.  

"Don't you like Hajime? Why're you trying to set me up with him still?" You mumble. You always think they’d make a perfect pair.  

"Of course I like him. He's my prince." She smiles at you. “But it’s a little different to how a certain someone loves him. And well, if you knew the way he looked at you…"  

You frown, feeling hot all the way up to your ears as you ball your fists up and look down at your lap. "Whatever." 

"You should stop trying to worm your way out of it," Kotoha adds, much less sweetly. "You know how he is. He couldn't give up on you for ten years like some idiot."  

You blink. "Huh? But ten years would mean -"  

Kotoha braids your hair even tighter making you wince. "I know. You're both stupid like that."  

"Don't be mean, Kotoha-chan. And you, be a little more honest, okay?"  

You sigh deeply. 

"Ain't like anything is gonna happen either way. I already told you both I'm not accepting his confession," 

"Cause you're a huge wuss, yeah we know."  

You elbow Kotoha lightly.  

"Maybe nothing will," Tsubaki hums mischievously.  "But it feels nice to dress up for him, right?"  

You pretend the thought doesn't make your hear flutter.  

Tsubaki does you the kindness of laughing lightly before moving on. 

__  

You arrive to the function an hour later than planned and stick mostly with Kotoha and Tsubaki until half way through the evening.  

Loosening up with a few drinks, the three of you part ways to catch-up with different people. It's not rare you see them, but it's not often everyones schedules allow them to be in the same place.  

Lucky for you, Umemiya does you the courtesy of not confessing during the first half of the night before food comes out.  

(Though you do spit beer in his face after he calls you pretty, which he takes on the chin after cleaning up.)  

After dinner, the function simmers down significantly. People quietly break off into groups and chat to each other into the late night. About that time people split whatever desserts they brought among guests.  

You brought cookies and something specifically for Chouji and Togame as thanks for hosting.  

Towards the end of the night, you find yourself sticking sort of close to Umemiya. Though he's having his own one-on-one conversation with Hiragi while sitting next to you , turned the other way.  

You busy yourself catching up to Suo, Sakura and Nirei - all of whom you consider yourself close to.  

Of them, you're the closest to Nirei which always surprises people. 

The kids a total wimp but he helped you years ago study to graduate so you're a little closer to him than everyone else. He's a great guy though and you hang out alone sometimes too.  

The conversations gone far left at this point in the evening.  

Suo leans back against his chair and looks toward Sakura besides him with a lazy smile.  

"Sakura-chan would make a great wife." 

You snort listening to them bicker. Sakura grows beet red, throwing an empty beer can at Suo's head that he catches gracefully.  

"Go die."  

"What? You're good at domestic work and you have a cute side, Isn't that all you need?"  

"Shut up. I'll kill you."  

As Suo breaks out into laughs, Sugishita comes down from the kitchen just in time to catch the argument. He crinkles his nose up.  

"Oh, Sugishita-kun. 'Sup."  

He nods to your greeting as he leans against the wood railing of the outdoor deck.  

"What the hell are you two talking about?" 

'What? You mean about Sakura being a good wife?" Suo asks. Sugishita crinkles his nose. 

"Don't phrase it so repugnantly but yeah I guess." 

"We were talking about marriage 'cause I was complaining at work."  

"What's happening at work?" 

Nirei sighs as he lays it out again to Sugishita after having given the spiel to the three of you once.  

"One of my superiors at work is a lot older than me and keeps bringing up marriage," Nirei explains woefully. "It's all he talks about. He thinks I'm seeing someone."  

Sugishita frowns. "Eh? What gave him that impression?"  

A good question you hadn't considered asking.  

You raise your brow at Nirei who laughs awkwardly while he holds your gaze.  

"You know that picture of us from highschool? When he came to the cafe at your school festival?"  

You smile spitefully, crinkling your nose in faux distaste. "The one wear we wearing those stupid maid costumes?"  

"Yup. That's the one. It's a good picture of us so I keep it on my desk and he saw it so..."  

"You keep a picture of just the two of you on your desk? No wonder he got that impression.” Suo adds.  

You sense Umemiya suddenly tense which you find weird. He's still talking to Hiragi though when you glance from the corner of your eye. You brush it off.  

Nirei blushes, elbowing him.  

"Shut up. I've got group pictures and stuff too. But he just singled out that one cause you know,"  

You nod in understanding before it dawns on you. Your eyes widen. "Oh, shit? Does that old man think you're dating me?"  

Nirei closes his eyes and sighs. "He won't even let me correct him." 

You pause before breaking out into genuine laughter.  

"Pfft, that's terrible." You reply sympathetically, taking a sip of your beer before giving a mischievous grin. "Maybe you can make it work for you though, eh? Tell 'em we got hitched forreal and then I'll call you on the phone and nag you to get home for dinner so you can leave earlier."  

Nirei acts like he's touched making you laugh even harder. "You'd do that for me?"  

You give him another toothy grin. "I'll even help you fake some wedding photos. We'll be accomplices." You lean back with a shrug. "You gotta wear the dress though." 

Sugishita laughs at that. "You being a blushing bride is a little..."  

You snort, shooting him a dirty look "Shut up."  

"Deal. Not a bad plan honestly." Nirei says with a sigh. "Whatever gets me out of the office early."  

"Even if that means being married to me?" You joke.  

He smiles at you. "Aw, what do you mean? That's the best part."  

You chuckle at him good-natuedly and the conversation quickly moves on.  

The alcohol is starting to make you dizzy so you eventually tune out as the four of them talk, glancing at Umemiya from the corner of your eye.  

You swear you catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking.  

__  

For the rest of the night, Umemiya is off.  

No one else can tell. You know that because the atmosphere remains light until everyone leaves around two-am. There's no blips or tension, no awkward pauses. 

But you know Umemiya. He's been real weird all night and it's bugging the shit out of you.  

It's a well past two now, and you've just left the late night cab you took with him. Umemiya lives close so he's walking you home.  

He's usually energetic after a get-together like that so his dead silence is weirding you out. You're pretty good at figuring his feelings out but for once you feel totally clueless.  

It feels as if even the cicadas and crickets have gone to sleep. There's nothing bu the streetlights overhead and soft glow of the moon, coupled with the soft click of your shoes on the pavement. Occasionally, a car will pass by.  

At one point, it becomes too much. There's still a few minutes until you're home.  

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around to look at him. Umemiya pauses, startled as he stops with you, and doesn't smile which only makes your concern worsen.  

"Oi. What's up with you?"  

"Hm?"  

You cross your arms over your chest.  

"Don't 'hm' me. You've been in a bad mood few for the last few hours. It's gonna bug me all night if I don't ask, so what's up?"  

He stares at you.  

"You noticed?"  

"How could I not notice?"  

"I was hiding it pretty well, I thought." He states more than asks, half-smile on his face.  

"Yeah. But well," You shrug. "I'm always looking at you for better or for worse. So. What's wrong?"  

He stares at you a long time before sighing, running his fingers through his hair. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him pissed off before, seen him mildly irritated - but never this... pouty? It's not like he's pissed.  

He's quiet, taking a deep breath of cool night air before sliding his hands into his pockets and taking a good look at your face. 

"Do you know that I like you?"  

Your eyes widen as you blink wildly.  

This is what he wants to talk about? 

He pins you down with his stare, hands in his pockets and intense as ever.  

"Don't even think about bolting this time, okay? I'm asking you seriously. Do you?" 

Your eyes flicker down the concrete - feeling extremely uncomfortable and suddenly sweaty. You shrug, unsure of what else you could say or do.  

"Hard not to know." You mumble. "You tell me everyday." 

"But do you get it?"  

Your frown deepens.  

"Of course not. How could I possibly get something like that, stupid?"  

He takes a deep breath. "But you like me, don't you?"  

Panic sets in. If you could sink straight into the Earth you would.  

"...Never said that." 

He calls your name quietly. "Look at me, at least. Stop running away from me and just look." 

You know you're being stubborn but you can't help it. You've kept it a secret for ten years and all of a sudden he wants you to tell him you like him? You've held it in for so long already and he's telling you not to run away.What other choice is there?  

One wrong move move and everything will come crashing down inside of you. You can't even lie about it either.  

Damn it.  

"I won't look." Your voice is warbly and it makes you feel so pathetic you could die, tucking your chin petulantly "Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya frowns at you.  

"If you say you don't like me I'll let it go."  

You remain very quiet and close your eyes tighter. He sighs softly, making your chest hurt.  

After a minute, you muster up the courage to be dishonest - determined to drop it at all costs. You're slow as you pick your head up.  

"I don't like you," You repeat slowly, carefully - trying not to stumble the words. "So quit it, alright?"  

He laughs humorlessly and holds your gaze.  

"That's the first time you've ever actually lied to me. You're terrible at it," 

"I'm not lying." You snap. Umemiya smiles somberly when he sees tears on the corners of your eyes. He steps closer to you. You freeze. When his hand reaches cups your cheek, you feel your legs lose all their strength and close your eyes. You're terrified to even look at him, not wanting him to see what you know is obvious on your face.  

He wipes them as he tilts your face towards him slowly. 

"Tell me, at least. If you're going to refuse me, don't I deserve to know why? Do you hate the idea of dating me that much?"  

You shake your head. "Stupid. How would anyone hate that?"  

"So I deserve to know why you're turning me down."  

A long moment of silence draws you out of your feelings. You guess that's fair enough. Maybe this way he'll leave you alone  - as long you're clear about your reasons. He’s the earnest type after all.  

You manage to suck up all your tears and clear your throat enough to give him an explanation. 

You step back a little from him, putting some distance between you as you stare down at the sidewalk. 

"You know... I respect ya more than anyone else. You've always been someone I admire. And I uh, owe you a lot. So I only want the very best for you and all." You scratch your neck, taking a deep sigh. "For me... regardless of my feelings, I want you to be with someone who really fits, you know? Well put-together and everything. Someone that suits you better"  

He pauses before frowning.   

"Regardless of your feelings? Does that mean you were willingly pushing them aside?" He says distraught. "For how long?"  

You shrug, trying to lighten the conversation. It’s too devastating otherwise. "About ten years, give or take." 

The sheer distress in his face makes you want to keep talking, just he doesn’t look so disheartened. Like some explanation will clear things up.  

"It ain't a bad thing, Hajime. You've given me a lot and I'm serious when I say I want the best for you. I love you, if that's what you wanna hear. I'm content just being besides you as your friend." You say with a shrug. "I can be kinda selfish but there's a limit to my greed,yknow."  

He looks like he's in shock. 

"Wanting someone to love you back isn't greedy or selfish."  

You find you don't have anything to say with that, but hope he drops it for the time being. 

Umemiya stares at you seriously. It makes your breath hitch meeting his eyes, blue with all the depth in the world. You feel like you can't pull yourself from his gaze.  

"And there was never a possibility? Not once that I could've liked you? That I wanted to be with you?"  

"It doesn't matter." You say. "And no, it never crossed my mind.."  

"Stop saying it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Your feelings matter the most so don't toss them aside so easily. Do you really believe that you're not right for me?"  

You aren’t sure how to answer him.  

"You think you're not good enough for me." He says with some realization more than asks.  

It's the first time you see his face change. When you look up, he looks well and truly angry. The whole thing is confusing.  

"I'm sorry," You say. It’s such a timid thing to say but you don’t know how else to fix.  

"It's not—I just don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that. I don't like hearing someone I love get spoken about like that.” 

You ignore the sentiment again and wait in the quiet. You always thought this would be an easier conversation to have but it hurts.  

He sighs a bit, getting closer to you again. He’s less upset than before but there’s something else in his expression.  

"You wanted to know why I was upset earlier right? It's because of you and Nirei-kun." He admits.  

"What about him?"  

"You talked about marrying him so casually. I overheard and it bothered me all night."  

Your eyes go wide.  

"I—it wasn't serious."  

"I know that. I never thought I was that childish either but you being married to someone else as a joke." He laughs humorlessly. "I really hated it. That’s why I asked if you know how much I like you."  

You feel frozen in place by his admission. 

Umemiya steps towards you faster than you can muster up a counter for why he shouldn’t bother.  

His arms around you feel sudden. His grip on you is so tight, like you could slip through his arms all at once if he loosens it. He smells like cologne and beer and summer but it's not unpleasant. He rests his chin on your head and lets out a deep breath.  

Your chest is throbbing for different reasons now. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.  

"If you won't be greedy, then you should at least let me be." He lets out a long, tense breath "At least let me have what I want." 

You're stuck. Your mouth moves faster than your brain.  

"Why me? And why now?"  

Umemiya pulls away to stare down at you. You can't bring yourself to turn away from him. 

"It was always you. I felt guilty... for wanting to you that way when you were a precious friend. Wanting to treat you delicately when you were strong and proud." He admits. Hearing him say that out loud embarrasses you to no end, “But it was those things that made me love you. Strong yet clumsy. Prideful yet honest. Awkward yet trying to be gentle. Loyal. And always considerate of everyone. Of me, when I was taking care of everyone else."  

Your stomach feels like it's going to erupt. You're losing your resolve faster than you know how to mend it.  

"Stop saying stuff like that."  

Umemiya holds you tighter and shakes his head. "No. How else will I get you to change your mind?"  

"I won't change my mind." You say stubbornly.  

"I love you." He repeats.  

You squirm.  

"Stop it,"  

"I want to be with you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to do things with you and make you feel good. I want to make you smile. I want to grow old with you." 

Your hearts fluttering. Fuck.  

"Idiot. What are you saying? Let me go."  

"It has to be you for me. I won't have anyone else no matter what you think. The person I love is you. I love you."  

"Hajime." Your voice is shaking. 

His drops down to a whisper.  

“I can’t change how you think of yourself overnight but I can tell you that there’s no point in trying to push me away. Whether or not you accept  me, we’ll never stop being side by side - so please stop fighting it.”  

You put your hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Stop it,” 

"Please tell me it's okay to love you how I want too," He says, soft and doting while he crushes you in his arms. "And please love me in return."  

You put your hands up to your misty eyes wanting to wipe them away as he melts through the rest of your resolve like it's nothing. It's hard not to be moved. You've been pretending for ten long years that you don't love him at all and he's declaring his love for you like it's the easiest, most sensible and sane thing in the world.  

A kind-hearted, willful, meddling idiot. How you are you supposed to push him away when he's holding you this tight?  

"Shit," You voice, huffing as your voice shakes. "Don’t be stupid, alright? If you’re so insistent, I wont let you back out if you meet someone else."  

He laughs wetly.  

"I already tried meeting other people, but it's still you. Always was."  

He smiles above you. 6'2 with watery eyes with the look of pure relief like it's the best news he's ever heard in his life. It's too much for you. Your heart is racing so fast you wonder if you're gonna die.  

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.  

Your eyes go wide as you look away, not wanting to look too eager. "That's..."  

He makes another puppy-dog kinda face. "Please?"  

You're embarrassed by how easy it makes you give in. "...Do whatever you want."  

He laughs bright and warm as his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and kiss you with all the passion he can muster. It's intense, almost suffocating the way he slots his lips against yours and breathes you in. He doesn't let you up from it, doesn't part from you for a second even when he pulls away - noses brushing and stealing the air from your lungs.  

It's your stupid first kiss and it's perfect - so perfect you wonder if you're going to wake up in a dream. He kisses you hard and makes you stand on your toes to chase his lips when he pulls back. Elated. Ecstatic when you grasp the front of his shirt and keep kissing him when he stops. 

He pauses before littering your whole face with pecks even as you weakly protest, unable to stop frowning but feeling the happiest you've ever been.  

There's so much longing in between you, you feel like you could die. You feel helpless.   

"Can I come home with you?" He asks, once he stops - only holding your hand a short distance away. "I want more time together." 

You feel your skin burn hot as you nod, all while trying not to read too much into it. 

"Yeah."  

__ 

You barely get to lock your door behind you before Umemiya crowds you in the door way.  

His arms circle around your waist, chin resting against your shoulder.. Broad chest against your back, you try not to flounder as his warm voice caresses your ear.  

You're going to die young if he keeps this up.   

"I love you,"  

You flush. "Enough already. And let me go so I can wash up."  

"Do you need to sleep early? Thought you were closed tomorrow. Wanted to talk a little longer."  

You pause.  

"...Sleep?" 

"Hm?"  

You both freeze as the miscommunication dawns at the same time. You try to pull away from him as soon as you realize, skin burning hot. You're quick but Umemiya is quicker.  

"Hajime." You say gravely. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna kill you."  

"No way," He laughs  as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. "Is that why you let me in? Were you expecting something?"  

"Shut up! Don't say anything, I swear I'll —"  

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm not making fun of you. Hey, turn around. Look at me."  

You're upset but you think the reason is more embarrassing then the feeling.  

"Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya laughs as he gently turns you around to face him. In your utter mortification, you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze.  

"Stop staring."  

He doesn't.  

"Do you normally invite guys in just 'cause they ask?"  

"Wha—no! It's because it's you, stupid!"  

He smiles in satisfaction.  

"You shouldn't say yes so easily even if it is me. What if I took advantage of you?"  

You think he's just being smug for the sake of it, which is pissing you off. You grab him by the front of his shirt.  

"Fuck off. Maybe there's a reason I said yes."  

He pauses before his eyes widen. You push your hand against his mouth before he blurt anything else out but he's quick to pry your hand away.  

"Don't say it." You hiss.  

"I was planning on taking my time. I cherish you and I want to make sure you know that. I'm just a little surprised you’re moving so quick when you were telling me not too long ago."  

You can feel the tips of your ears growing hot, feeling even more self-conscious. "Whatever. If we're just going to sleep I still need to wash up."  

He keeps his arms behind your back so you can’t move.  

"Hey. Didn't say that. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. Just don't want you to regret anything."  

You give him an flat look. "I was prepared to give you my virginity and you're worrying about that. Unless you're planning on backing out, there's no way I would."  

"Your—" His jaw drops a little.  

You drop your voice down just a little close as you grab his collar.  

"If you get it, then hurry up and fuck me. Stupid Hajime."  

He gives you the dopiest smile you've ever seen while your face grows increasingly hot, leaning to in to press a kiss to your lips. He brushes his nose with yours. Laughter from deep in his chest.  

"Yes, ma'am."  

__ 

Once you give Umemiya permission to have you, you get the feeling that there really is no going back from here.  

You both know it. The tension in your bedroom is so thick you can barely breathe around it.  

Umemiya lands gently onto your bed - sitting up as he holds you by your waist and pulls you over to him. You're so aware of his touch it makes your nerves feel they're on fire. You're not a total virgin - at least not enough to be feeling this worked up over someones hands lingering on your waist.  

But they're Umemiya's hands—Hajime's hands, so you can't rationalize your thoughts of out it. His hands are strong and big, a little calloused and rough from the gardening and fighting. You can feel how much he adores you in a gesture so small it makes you concerned for your own heart thinking about how the rest of the night will go.  

He invites you into his lap gently, so pleased by the way you go to him so willingly. You spread yourself over him with your knees on either side of his thighs. He's big - wide and broad.  

Your barely hovering over his bulge as you lean your weight onto him. His hand barely brushes underneath your top, just barely touching the skin.  

You shiver.  

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" He asks. "I don't mind waiting as long as you need,"  

You give him an bored look. "Not very convincing when you're makin' a face like that,"  

He chuckles nervously. "That bad?"  

You nod before adding a little bashfully. "Dunno if I mind, though."  

He buries his fact against your chest all of a sudden making you jump.  

"The hell?"  

"You're so cute when you're honest like that," He mumbles into your chest, cheek pressed against your tits.  

"Jeez, shut up. What're you talking about?"  

Umemiya pulls back and leans forward - enough to breach the inches of space between you. Nose to nose, your eyes meet. A bated breath, you put your hand on his shoulders and work up the nerve to kiss him.  

It's chaste. Mostly for you to break the ice otherwise you're sure you're gonna pussy out.  

He smiles at you when you pull away.  

"See what I mean? So cute," He hums, and leans in again. "Come on. Kiss me again."  

Something about him is different when he tells you to kiss him. It's not smug or cheeky. But it's not casual either. Softness tinges his words, his touch - his whole demeanor screams like he loves you absolutely. It makes your heart rate pick up again, hands shaky as you try not to lose your nerve.  

He's restraining himself though. How he intense he could be vs how soft and calm he is being. You know Umemiya like the back of your hand so you want him to do what he wants. It's hard to find your voice.  

"You don't have to.." You cast your eyes down in embarrassment. "…hold back with me, either. I'm not some maiden."  

He smiles at you a little. "You really do know me better than anyone, huh? I was keeping it together pretty well."  

"Look I know I’m kinda difficult…I'm not real good with stuff like this either," You fidget with the collar of his shirt with your free hand. "But once I say yes I don’t back out. So don't worry about scaring me off or putting too much pressure on me or whatever. ...'s fine to just do what you feel like. I’m scared out of my mind but I wouldn’t do that to you,"  

“Don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll do my best to make you feel secure. Might take some time but we’ve got our whole lives.” You flush at the implication. He smiles a little. "Whatever I want seems like a lot to give, though."  

"Well...depending on what, I'm might not be good at it,"   

He shakes his head. "I don't want anything like that."  

"What do you want then?"  

"You." He says easily. Your stomach flips. "All of you. I just want to make you feel so good you can't stand it. Want to worship you top to bottom. There's not a single part of you I don't want."  

You flush. "The hell... I meant like a blowjob or some shit."  

He laughs. "I know. And I want that too, another time." He hums, taking a deep breath. "Right now I just want you to feel so good for me. Is that okay?"  

You can't look at him. You can barely stand how bashful you're being, but you can't even play coy. Something in you is bursting at the seams.  

You love him so much you don't recognize yourself, or your voice, or how you're acting. It makes you sick but you can’t do anything but go with it. "Yeah. 's okay, if it's what you want."  

"It is," He says, leaning in. "All I've ever wanted."  

You ignore the latter half of his comment as he finally goes to kiss you again.  

He pulls your body close to him as you do. Until your chest to chest, arms wrapped around the span of his shoulders as you press your lips together soft and slow.  

He slides a hand underneath your top, undoing the clasp of your bra. He lets his palm stay on the center of your back while you keep kissing - straps of your bra falling down your shoulder as he splays his fingers to feel more of your skin and hold you. Hugging you close to him, his other arm wraps around your torso. His forearms feels especially strong they way they hold you by the waist.  

You're so close to him. Kissing him so deep, his tongue sliding against your lips. Something about the kiss is languid but the touch is so hot it makes your skin burn. You feel wrapped up in him, can't even tell whose heartbeat you're hearing. 

More of your weight ends up in his lap as you feel your knees go weak. Something hard presses against your clothed cunt and you gasp a little into his mouth.  

"Oh, shit." You mumble in surprise. Umemiya laughs.  

"You're making me feel good." He hums.  

Your face heats up. "I barely did anything." 

"You just being on my lap is more than enough."  

You make a face at him before rubbing yourself over the zipper of his jeans, slow and deliberate trying to get a feel for it. You hear him moan, nearly jumping out of your skin in surprise.  

The way Umemiya moans is a lot for you to process. Breathy and a little low. It resonates through your whole body like a caress.  

You make a few more tentative passes over his bulge, just to hear him do it again. Driven by your instinct more than anything, you lean into kiss at his jaw - making use of the limited experience you do have to try and draw more sounds from him.  

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, still breathless. Maybe amused.  

"Like the way you sound." You mumble in reply.  

"I thought I told you I wanted to take care of you, hm?"  

You frown. "So what? I can't touch you at all?"  

He thinks on it. "You can touch me everywhere else and you can have your way with me later, if you want it. I don't wanna cum too fast."  

"I'm just..."  

He shakes his head. "You're underestimating me. I'm still a guy, you know? With a woman I love at that. There's no way I would make it through our first time if I didn't focus on you. Don't pout,"  

Hearing him describe you in such an embarrassing way makes you flush. You roll your eyes half-heartedly. "Fine, whatever."  

He smiles.  

"Good girl. C'mere. Lay down."  

You decide not to think about how effected the praise makes you as you comply.  

Umemiya lays you down carefully, making sure you're comfortable before hovering over you. He looks a lot more imposing from this view - the dim lights of your room making his face seem more well-defined. Your nipples harden in arousal, peeking from underneath your shirt as he stares long and hard.  

"You're so beautiful to me."  

He leans down and presses a hot kiss to your jaw, just underneath your ear before slowly kissing down your neck. Open-mouthed kisses along delicate skin, tongue sliding over every patch he scrapes lightly with his teeth. You fidget underneath him, a dull throbbing between your legs. You try to figure out what to do with your hands but you’re too nervous.  

He kisses your throat where it's extra sensitive and you bite back and involuntary noise. 

"Don't hold your voice, please?"  

"It's embarrassing,"  

"It's not," He assures, bumping his forehead to your shoulder lightly. "I want to know what makes you feel good. Let me pay attention to you."  

You frown but nod ultimately.  

Umemiya isn't the first sexual encounter you've had in your life. You've done other things, but you've never really gone all the way with anyone. All of your other partners were mostly strangers - people mutually interested in using someone else to try and get off.  

This is the first time anyone has taken this much time with you. A little kissing and groping, sometimes touching your chest.  

No one's ever touched you like this, though.  

His hands feel like they're all over your body no matter where they actually end up being. Makes your heartbeat rain drumming on a tin roof. Makes your stomach tingle, a heat in your calves and a prickly feeling on your back. Your whole being drowning with pure anticipation.  

"Take this off for me." Umemiya mumbles. You nod, feeling absent as you wiggle yourself out of your tight little tee and toss it somewhere.  

The air shifts again when you're naked. His eyes drink you in, tracing the soft lines and edges of your body. Looking over scars and stretchmarks with pure, blown out wanting that shoots lust straight into your veins.  

You want him to fuck you so bad it's killing you but the very thought makes you feel so shy you could die.  

"You're beautiful," Sounds dirty the way he says, makes it spill from his lips like wine tipping over a glasses edge. "Perfect. Every inch of you is so perfect."  

He proves this to you by kissing you again. Running his hands over your skin. Up against curved sides and down against your arms, brushing the back of your biceps and forearms.  

Infatuation in his touch ruins you. Makes your voice let out. You can't think of anyone whose treated you so preciously in your entire life and you find you don't resent it as much as you should.  

(You find it feels so good to let someone touch you so kindly. A touch like you're being loved.)  

Nonetheless it's embarrassing. Of course it is.  

But it's so hard not to feel pulled in when you feel the way he kisses you. Draws a trail with his lips and tongue from jaw to shoulder blade - kissing down your biceps with his hands on your body, taking  gentle inhales of your scent.  

Anticipation makes your stomach tie in knots but finally he relents. Both hands squeeze the soft weight of your chest, palms brushing your hardened nipples.  

"Fuck."  

He laughs a little, heavy with want. "Yeah? Do you like being touched here?"  

"Mm." Is the best reply you can get out.  

He brushes against the tips with his fingers in a feather-light gesture, testing the waters before rubbing with a little more pressure. Your body jolts from the stimulation, wetness pooling and dampening your underwear. He leans in and takes one of your nipples into his mouth making another dull wave of lust wash through you.  

And he makes sure to pay attention to both. It's just like him to be so attentive to some shit like that. Your spine arches as he sucks on your sensitive nipples, letting his tongue flick across them and giving into a sweet friction. You buck your hips up against instinctively, gripping onto the sheets as your sense of restlessness grows.  

Your voice is whiny to your own ears but you can't calm down to save your life.  

"You're taking too long," You huff. He laughs lightly, looking up at you from underneath his lashes.  

"Don't be impatient." He tsks.  

"It's enough already," 

He shakes his head. "Nope. Still got a long ways to go. Promise you'll have me when you're ready for it, so just try and focus on feeling good."  

You make a frustrated sound. "It's embarrassing being the only one feeling good,"  

He pauses before standing up on his knees. He takes his black t-shirt off in one swift go until his torso is bare, and undoes the top button of his pants. He gives you a little glance. "Better?"  

There are too many layers of that to process in the moment it happens. You mumble. "A little,"  

He beams. "Good. Now let me take good care of you,"  

Sliding down lower, he kisses you from sternum to navel. Hands gripping at the softness of your sides, smoothing over the bare skin as he his thumb finds the waistband of your skirt. He glances up at you, silently seeking your permission. You nod back at him, watching him slide the short skirt away from your waist.  

The sudden air feels cool against your skin. He presses his cheek against your belly, both hands on your hips..  

"You're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than I thought. I feel so lucky being able to touch you when you're this perfect.” He praises endlessly.  

You cover your face with your arm.  

"Ugh. Quit it. You're sayin' too much."  

"Seeing you get so shy when I praise you a little is so cute." He trails his lips down further and further - just above your sex before stopping. "You're so cute."  

He sits back, standing up and bending your legs slightly at the knee. You hold the position as you feel him massage your calve. Thumb drawing hard circles in the muscle, slowly working his way up to your knee. He kisses you afterwards trailing the same spot his hands were touching seconds ago before moving onto the other side.  

There's nothing you can call it short of worship. The nagging feeling that it's undeserved is washed away each time Umemiya holds your gaze.  

Devotion colors every touch no matter how small. And it’s so obvious, so prominent - it feels outright wrong to deny the fact it’s there.   

You think the closest thing you can compare it too is the way Umemiya gardens. A patience as his fingers root through earth and soil, a kindness towards delicate things that makes even hours of work under the sun look beautiful and easy. His expression is what's most uncanny - what makes you you feel so hot. 

An expression that says he loves doing it from the very bottom of his heart - not even a hint of apathy or complaint.  

A face that says he loves every long, drawn out motion and actions of repetition all fro the very core of him.  

Having it directed at making love to you so blatantly makes you more aroused than you know what to do with. You don't know how to let yourself be treated like the most cherished flower in Umemiya's garden - and you aren't so sure how you're meant to get used to it no matter how much it makes you feel...nice. You don’t have any other experience.  

Which is why you're trying to be patient. Trying to be at least temporarily secure in whatever he sees in you that makes him worship every inch of you, memorizing all your ins and outs.  

Umemiya places hot, wet kisses on your inner thigh before laying himself between your spread legs - breath barely hovering over your sex.  

By the time he gets there, you feel utterly melted into your sheets. Your mind is hazy, impatient and wanting as strong hands secure your thighs. He's so close.  

"I wanna eat you out. Is that okay?"  

"If you don't do something soon I'm gonna kill you."  

He laughs warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."  

You pause. Umemiya waits.  

"I didn't uh," You clear your throat. "Wasn't planning on getting laid so y'know. Haven't shaved in a while."  

"Were you worried that I'd change my mind? I like it for the record. Feels natural." Umemiya says. "It's your body so there's nothing I would dislike about it."  

"You're too much." You reply back in earnest. You cover your face with your arms. "So cheesy."  

"I'm being serious." He says suddenly solemn with how sincere he is. 

The sudden change is amusing. You pause before breaking into genuine giggles, unable to help yourself.  

"You're really somethin', yknow that?"  

He's quiet for a long time. Long enough for it to catch your attention, turning your gaze more clearly towards his face. Swiftly, he pushes himself up to catch your mouth in another kiss. It stuns you a bit, very different to all the rest. More teeth and tongue than lip.  

"I like you," He murmurs, forehead to yours. "How can someone be so cute?"  

"Would you quit embarrassing me and get on with it?" 

He smiles. "As you wish,"  

Umemiya settles back down between your legs after easing your panties off and putting your feet flat on the bed to give himself more access. You can barely look down at him doing it. His fingers brush the slick hairs back gentle as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy apart and look at you more intimately.  

You can feel him. Feel his every breath and movement. He stares at you awestruck. "How is all of you so pretty? Even here it's such a beautiful color."  

"Stop looking so much,"  

He takes a breath, taking in your scent one more time before pressing a kiss to your clit. You make an attempt to squirm away from his grip as his finger dig into your thighs and hold you down. The strength of it knocks the wind out of you, forcing you into place. Umemiya pushes his tongue and gives you a long, tentative lick through the seam of your cunt.  

Your whole body breaks out into shivers at the sensation. The warm weight of his tongue on your sex makes feels like an electric current through water - your toes curling as he makes the same few passes over and over. He collects your pooling arousal on the tip as he drags upwards and flicks your clit tentatively. You grind against his face instinctually, hips chasing the pleasure. Amused laughter vibrates against your core as you do, mumbling at you to be patient while he's still face deep in it.  

You let out another pitchy whine before he finally stops teasing. He lays his tongue flat against your clit, cupping it lightly before drawing it around experimentally. He watches carefully as he plays around with pressure and angles - trying to see what makes you react the most. You can feel how closely he's watching you. 

You cover your mouth with your hand when he does find it, your voice breaking off as he licks carefully right where you need. He smiles into your cunt as he toys with your with the sensitive bundle of nerves, pleased by the change in your reactions. The obvious pleasure he's making you feel.  

Something blooms into your chest. You've never— 

"You're—" You close your eyes, hands tangling in the sheets as you break out into a fever. "Ngh, never had someone l-lick me,"  

He must've heard you because he seems to laser in his focus the minute you say it. He's lapping at your clit so deep, licking precisely and holding you with nose against your bush.  

You reach down tentatively, pushing back the hair falling in his face and he gives you a look so lovesick you want to run away. The pressure changes gradually, more intensely.  

It feels better somehow. Makes you feel restless. Your whole body curls in tight with want at the sensation of it, the lower expanse of your belly tensed. You're shaking as you drift closer to the edge, arousal upped by the wet sound of him sucking your clit.  

"Hajime," You warn, spine starting to arch as you helplessly try to pull away from the intense sensation. It's not familiar to your body, so much so your mind can barely make sense of what's happening to it, "Cumming—c-cumming!"  

Something in you goes undone as Umemiya keeps pace during your orgasm. All the tension inside of you suddenly comes loose - specks of white matter behind closed lids as you screw your eyes shut. Your back curves up into arch, your hips trembling, your insides pulsing. It comes running into you, crashing into your body as waves of pleasure drown out the noise in your head. He eats you out until you feel borderline hysterical.  

You feel melted and reshaped by him - yanking him off when he continues to be insistent after you're too oversensitive. He laughs when you pull him away, resting against your thigh as you take worn out heaving breaths.  

He kisses the inside of your knee as you calm down, bright smile on his features - painted pink with a slight flush. "You came. I'm so happy."  

You look at him in shock. "You're a scary guy."  

He pushes up to kiss your temple, voice soft. "Did I scare you?"  

Your stomach flutters, tucking your chin. "You were intense, but I didn't... hate it or anything."  

"Yeah?" He grins, pressing a few kisses to your cheek and face before whispering against your ear. "Then, is it okay to go farther?"  

You nod silently. Umemiya smiles.  

He stands up on his knees, pushing his hair back as your eyes are drawn to his pants. You reach out for the waistband of his pants unthinkingly, hooking your finger into it. "Isn't it stuffy?"  

He blinks, frozen before rubbing a hand across his face. "Ah a bit, but it's fine."  

"Take 'em off. Please?"  

Umemiya looks unusually distressed by the request, but follows through without another word. You watch him undress - revealing the tight black fabric of his boxer briefs snug against his waist. Your eyes go wide as you see the outline of his cock - head still half hazy. You voice your unfiltered reaction.  

"Your dick is so big,"  

He laughs breathlessly. "Are you trying to stir me up? What's with you?" He pauses to lay down besides you. You turn to lay on your side and face him a little better. "You're being cute. I'm not used to seeing you so docile."  

"Shaddup," You reply half-heartedly. Your body is still on fire but it knocked the wind of you to cum once already. "Your fault."  

He grins, a hint of smugness as he laughs. "That's true."  

"You gonna fuck me?"  

"Mm, yeah. Gotta open you up first or it'll hurt."  

"I've put stuff in before. Toys. Should be fine."   

"Still wanna play it safe. It's your precious first time after all."  

You make a face before pulling him into you, hugging him tight as your whole body breaks out in a shameful flush. "Then hurry up and do it already."  

His arms slide underneath where your laying, holding you to him as he hikes one of your legs up. He slides his free hand in over your leg - his forearm holding your thigh. You press your face to his neck and shoulder - hiding your expression. "Guess I should huh? You were always impatient,"  

You can barely tell him to shut up, the way your body waits for it. A warbled little noise leaves your mouth as he slides his middle finger through the sticky folds of your cunt - careful as it catches on your hole. Wet and so aroused, the first finger he puts in goes in completely smoothly with no real effort 

Umemiya speaks low and soft as he holds you. "I don't know if I can get used to seeing you like this. I'm glad no one else but me ever wil You’re really all I think about lately," He catches the lobe of your ear between his teeth gently. Your head spins. "People misunderstand you because you're prickly, you know? For a long time, only I knew what it felt like to be liked by you. I liked that,"  

"Why are you—mmgh," 

He slides another finger in carefully after the first one slides inside of you with no resistance. His voice is so hot against your skin, the low bass of it in your skull as he speaks so close to your ear.  

"Don't get me wrong I'm happy seeing you with so many people surrounding you. But I was a little sad too. And it kept getting worse over the years until I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time and then it clicked,” Umemiya explains. You realize half way delirious this is his real confession. God, you’re gonna kill him. “Suddenly it was all I thought about. I wanted to be special to you. I wanted to monopolize you. It was my first time having thoughts like that,”  

Another finger slides into you easily. Umemiyas fingers are so much bigger than yours. Thicker than they are long. The stretch is enough to make you gasp.  

“Hajime—“ 

He curls them up, careful until he finds the spot he’s looking for. Your body reacts, another sensation of pressure as his middle finger rubs tenderly against your gspot. You weakly try to wiggle away as he holds you firm.  

“I felt a little guilty, too. You’re my very best friend. You’re independent and diligent. Tough. But you know, when I saw you for those few months - all I could think about was how much I wanted to spoil you,” He whispers. Something in your body shifts the way touches you. Pushes in further and further - stretching until it’s easy for him to be inside. “Somehow everything I liked about you became so cute I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t help but want to dote on you over every little thing even though I knew better than anyone you didn’t need something like that.”  

Your eyes well up but not necessarily from emotion. Totally overwhelmed. You don’t feel like you’re gonna cum but there’s something else that’s waiting and each time he thrusts his fingers into you it comes a little closer. Your voice is shaking.  

“It—fuck, quit talking. Somethings gonna—“  

His smile grows a little. It’s the first time it looks so hungry.  

“I was happy in general when I realized you liked me too. Even when you were being stubborn, I liked the way you couldn’t turn me away. I liked how happy you looked talking to me as usual as if that alone was something so precious,” He hums, so focused and precise as he stretches you open on a third finger but never once losing his train of thought. Like saying all of these comes to him so easily it doesn’t matter. “I didn’t want to corner you. But it felt like I couldn’t rest until you were mine completely. Which is why I’m being so unfair to you. Why I’m so persistent. ” 

Your voice breaks on a whine. “It’s gonna come out—“  

“You make a pretty face when your heads filled with nothing but me. I don’t think it’s bad to wanna stay that way,” He hums, almost conversational as he presses a kiss to your skin. “Go on. Let go,”  

Something hot sprays between your legs as Umemiya fucks you open on all three of his fingers.  

A rush of warm liquid squirts onto your sheets as your legs shake wearily. Umemiya marvels at the mess. Your hands curl into fists, nails digging in your palms as he finally pulls them out - leaving you stretched, almost gaping.  

You lay limp in soaked sheets as you pull away from Umemiya with a very weak glare.  

He’s smiling at you, dopey and lovesick.  

“Too much?”  

Angrily, you smack at his bare chest over and over, trying to recover your pride.  

“You’re insane. What’s,” You swallow thickly. “What’s with you.”  

He shrugs. Wordless, he flips you onto your back again before hovering over top of you. Pressing his forehead to yours, he brushes your noses together and plants a tentative peck on your lips as if trying to gauge whether or not you’re upset. He melts when you kiss him back, smiling happily.  

“Were you like this with your other girlfriends? No wonder they broke up with you,”  

He laughs. “Mm, no? I was more of a gentleman.”  

You break out into another exhausted fit of laughter.  

“Pfft, yeah? Guess I’m pretty special,” 

“Yeah. You are.” He kisses you again. “Wanna keep going or are you too tired? I don’t mind if we sleep.”  

“Stupid. I said it already didn’t I? Hurry up and fuck me.”  

“Okay, okay. Let me go get the condom from my wallet,”  

You wrap your legs around his waist and stare up at him plainly as he tries to move, keeping him pinned in place. You’re frowning, brows furrowed with a hard glare. He stares at you.  

“Did you want something else? Water?”  

“Want you to fuck me,” You restate, arms reaching up to circle around his neck. “Just do it already.” 

He pulls back to look at you seriously.  

“Do you know what you’re asking?”  

You flush. “Of course I do. Stupid. Are you trying to get me to say it out loud?”  

“I might think I’m deluding myself otherwise.”  

You sigh, looking at him flatly as you try to tamp down the part of you that’s screaming to be more tactful.  

“Don’t bother with the condom, a-alright? Or pulling out,”  

He looks like he’s experiencing the shock of his life. “But…” 

“Stop being dumb or I’m never gonna have sex with you again.”  

He nods suddenly solemn. “Fine. But,”  

You give him another look that silences him. He sighs again, getting the message before kissing your cheek and pull back to sit up on his knees between your legs. Pulling his briefs down, his cock springs free. It looks a lot bigger than you saw underneath the fabric, weighed down from it’s own weight even though it stands up stiff. He opened you up with three but you wonder if it’ll be enough not to stretch you open.  

You reach your hand out to touch it tentatively, feeling it’s weight and heft. He clears his throat but seems content to let you. The palms of your hands cup the shaft, feeling all the veins pulse. The tip is sticky with precum. You pull your hand away, another sudden wave of self consciousness overwhelming you.  

Umemiya hovers over you again, placing he length of his cock against your pussy. You shift a little feeling it slide against you, hard and hot.  

“Gonna put it in now, okay?”  

Nodding, you put your legs up. You take a deep breath when the head pushes in, letting out an involuntary noise. You feel well-stretched but the thickness of his cock is still enough to make you feel it in your legs. Umemiya is focused above you, barely sliding the tip through your folds as you open up around him. The air feels punched out of your lungs on just the first inch.  

His face is strained is he holds his hips steady, leaning down to tap your foreheads together. “Feeling okay?”  

“Mm,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. Feels different.”  

“Different?”  

“Yours is bigger than all the stuff I own,” You explain. “Feels hotter. Harder, too.”  

You feel his cock twitch inside of you suddenly, shocking you. He smiles sheepishly.  

“Gonna push in a little more, okay?”  

You nod, watching as Umemiya so slowly presses his cock into you further. Enough that it doesn’t hurt when you take him, as much as it just feels like something is inside of you. You feel a warm sense of satisfaction at how full you feel. You feel like him like he’s in your stomach, taking up so much space. After a while of pushing, stopping, and going again  - he finally bottoms out.  

“You feel incredible,” He murmurs, half-smile on his face. Your stomach flutters. “It’s hard not to cum right away. Feels so good inside of you. I love you.”  

You feel yourself twitch, frowning at the expression of delight Umemiya has. You put your hand against his fact to keep him away but he kisses your palm and moves it. Bottomed out, he grasps both hands and holds them  - pinning them to the bed as you watch him wide-eyed.  

“Think you’re used to it?” He hums, clasping your fingers together. “Is it okay if I move?”  

You feel so damn bashful. “It’s okay.” 

He kisses your forehead. “I’ll go slow.” 

As promised, Umemiya pulls out carefully before pushing back into you. You’re so wet that it slides in without any real friction. It takes a few thrusts of him going slowly for your body to get adjusted to the sensation. After a few motions, though - it starts to feel different.  

Starts to feel good. Really, really good.  

“Oh,” Your eyes flutter open. “Shit. You c-can go faster.”   

“Yeah?”  

You nod, trying not to seem too eager. 

When Umemiya picks up pace, you feel your  the whole lower half of your body weaken all over again. Something in your legs, your spine go soft against the bed underneath, a sudden unusual arousal swelling. Somewhere in deeper as he cocks thrusts against your gspot, knocking against it with more force than before. The change in pace coupled with the visual of Umemiya over you, face drawn together in focus as he fucks you is too much. Split open on his cock, you can hear how wet you are each time he moves.  

“Feels…” Your words come up empty. “’s so much.” 

“Yeah? Is it too much for you, baby?”  

You shake your head as your thoughts get increasingly cloudy. It’s like there’s nothing else your body can focus on. The way his cock drags against your sensitive, silken walls. The feeling of being full to empty and then full all over again. The way your pussy gets so much wetter each time he moves, sloppy and sucking him in so tight. You can feel your body want for him.  

Umemiya lets go of your hands, sliding one between your bodies. Palm resting on your sex, he lets his brush against your clit. The difference it makes is significant, makes your eyes go wide. He smiles a little, hair falling in his face as he pushes it up with his free hand.  

“That’s it,” He hums, contented to keep at it like this. “Feels good, right? Your holding onto me so tightly it’s hard for me to pull out even though you’re so wet.”  

You make a whiny noise and wonder if other peoples first times feel this good or if you’re just outrageously lucky. You decide on the latter he fucks you faster and matches his thrusts with the movement of his fingers. You’re warm all over - skin scorching as your hands find his biceps and shoulders to cling onto.  

Your voice is so whiny when you call out for him “You’re so deep, ngh.”  

He laughs, deep and raspy. “Yeah? Tell me what you’re feeling,”  

“It feels good when you’re in me.” You reply drunkenly. “Want it faster. Please,”  

He complies with your request almost immediately. You cry out loud, physically incapable of holding the sound in as he gets to fucking you faster and harder. Your pussy is throbbing. Senselessly horny, you pull Umemiya closer to you as he fucks you and smash your lips together. You feel so good, so thoroughly fucked and completely out of it. He’s in you but you want him even closer, want the scent of his skin to mark you.  

A second time your body builds up to that familiar feeling but it’s so much farther inside. An orgasm pulled right from your core. Stomach tied in knots as Umemiya fucks you hard, you wrap your legs around his waist and take him. 

“That’s it. You’re so good. Cum on my cock, sweet girl. Let me feel it” He murmurs against your skin, holding you close. “You’re making me feel so good. So cute. Go ahead, it’s okay. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.”  

Pliant to his request, you hold onto Umemiya for dear life as your body gives into second orgasm. Your nails dig into his biceps as the built up arousal gives way pleasure - and you cum hard with his cock sheathed all the way inside of you. All the wind gets stolen from your lungs as you press forward with another kiss, your whole body trembling violently as you let go.  

Umemiya sweet talks you through without letting go once, only stopping to take a pause when you’ve fully ridden out your high.  

You stare up at him in a daze as he takes a breather to kiss you, still hard as he’s bottomed out inside of you.  

“You gonna cum soon?”  

“Mm,” He nods. “Yeah I’m close. If I move, I will.”  

“’s okay to cum in me,”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “I’m already about too. You’re not helping,”  

You smile a bit as you hug him close to you and tell him again that it’s fine. Before long, he holds you too, whispering the same three words into your neck as he finally lets it out. It’s a weird feeling, thick white ropes of seed spilling into the deepest parts of you.  

You don’t really hate it, though.  

“I love you,” Umemiya repeats. Tired you don’t try to fight yourself.  

“Love you too,”  

__ 

The next morning, you’re stirred away by the sound of your front door unlocking and the sound of Kotoha’s voice echoing through your apartment.  

You’re still half-way asleep, so it barely dawns on you that anything is off. Not cognizant enough to think twice, your body tries to go back to sleep.  

Or it does until you hear a very loud shout coming from your kitchen that wakes you up with a start.  

“No fucking way,”  

You sit up suddenly, hearing faint conversation before the sound of steps barreling towards your door. You just barely manage to pull the sheets up over your chest before she comes storming through the door of your bedroom.  

You watch her eyes scan your entire room, mentally collecting data before she finally lands on you. As your brain starts to load back in, your eyes go wide with horror at the look of pure scandal on her face.  

Fuck. You were supposed to be having dinner with her and Tsubaki tonight. Usually you confirm with them in the mornings since your up. It’s not uncommon for her to drop in when you don’t reply to check in since you live close by. 

Fuck.  

“You—Oh, I have to text Tsubaki-chan, I can’t believe—“  

Before she gets to finish her sentence, Umemiya appears behind her in your door way. The sight of him only adds fuel to the flame of your embarrassment. You went another round or two before bed last night and it looks like it too. Shirtless in sweats he left over a while ago, his biceps are covered in scratch and with a few hickies, he’s wearing his hair down with a cup of tea and a very apologetic smile.  

You cover your face with your hands unsure of how to deal with the feeling of pure mortification.  

Kotoha snaps a picture of your room that causes even more distress.  

“If you don’t delete that right now, I’m gonna kill us both.”  

“In your dreams.”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “Please don’t kill each other.”  

He slides past Kotoha coming over to you. Bending down to kiss your forehead, he pulls the blanket up over you so you’re more well-covered. You give him an incredulous but Umemiya is unfazed - smiling as bright as ever. 

“Good morning,”  

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kotoha says. She points at Umemiya. “You, go put on a shirt.”  

“Fine, fine. Stay for breakfast,” Umemiya says with a smile. “It’ll be nice having it with my two favorite people.”  

You make another face as Umemiya gives you a long, affectionate look before disappearing. She sighs as she looks at you, pinching the bridge of her nose.  

“I would ask if you’re gonna meet us for dinner but you don’t have a choice anymore so show up at seven. I’m gonna leave before that tactless idiot comes back. We’ll talk later.”  

You nod in understanding. She turns to leave but then turns back with a genuine smile.  

“And, well - congrats. He’s a tactless idiot but he does love you or whatever. Cherish each other,”  

You flush, nodding your head. “Yeah…thanks.”  

With that Kotoha leaves quickly. Umemiya returns still shirtless, pouting a little when he notices she’s gone.  

“She left already?”  

“Of course she did. I can’t believe you would invite her for breakfast.”   

Umemiya shrugs. “No point being coy about it. I thought it’d be nice. I was looking for a shirt but I guess I don’t need one now,” He sits besides you on the bed, turning to face with a goofy smile. “Anyways, good morning.”  

“You already said that.”  

“You didn’t say it back,”  

You frown. “G’morning,”  

He smiles suddenly  before grabbing you from underneath the blankets and sheets - pulling your naked body ontop of him as he grins. Sunlight pours through the window as he holds you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head before pressing his cheek into your hair.  

“Mm, yeah. It’s a really good morning after all.”  

“You’re stupid.”  

“And you love me,”  

You fail trying not to smile.  Damn him. You're so happy it hurts. You roll your eyes.

“I guess so.”  

[woozisguitar]

buzzcut and hair bleached

pairing: vernon x reader (afab)

warnings: kissing, so so so much making out, grinding, tbh its straight up dry humping atp, swearing, suggestive??, so many taylor swift references lol, car sex is mentioned, I think thats all, either way MDNI

word count: 593 (sorry 😔) + 3 smau images at the end

a/n: so. ive never rlly kissed anyways or done anything mentioned so idk how accurate this stuff is, all I know is that vernon is hot as fuck heh. hope y'all like it and this is why I dont write smut its terrible sorry 😭😭😭😭

ps: credit to @/yoon_kth on twt for vernon pictures used in header.

you had just finished cooking when hansol texted you he was on his way back home and that he had a surprise for you. assuming it was another movie poster or limited edition figurine, you decided to not think about it much.  

you had just settled in on the couch with a book in hand as you waited for your boyfriend, when you heard the front door open. excited, you went up to greet him, but the sight rather left you baffled. there he was, your boyfriend, except all his hair was shaven. his new buzz cut adorned him, and you found it hilariously fitting how taylor swift’s “dress” was playing earlier.  

hansol blinked in surprise as you popped in front of him and gave you a sheepish, “surprise?”  

“what- when- how????” you asked, trying to wrap your head around your boyfriend’s new hairstyle and how attracted you were to it.  

“just today. i was tired of having to keep fixing them, changing color, long hair and makeup sessions. plus! the hair was super damaged, so you know, decided to just,” he made a small click sound, “shave it all off.” hansol waited a beat for your reaction before tentatively asking, “do you like it..?”  

you walked closer to him, now slowly feeling his freshly shaven head. “like it? god, hansol, you look so good you have no idea right now. i didn’t even know i was so much into buzz cuts,” you bit your lip barely making an attempt to conceal your need for him.

you’re not really sure what happened because one second you were reaching up to kiss hansol and the next he had you pinned against the wall in the hallway that led to your room. your lips moved against each other in a lustful haze, fighting each other for dominance. hansol grabbed the back of your thigh and pulled it around his waist, grinding harder against you. you bit his bottom lip trying to suppress a moan. your hand felt the back of his neck to his shoulder, slightly missing pulling his hair, but all your thoughts flew out of your head as hansol grinded harder against you and let out a deep groan, moving his lips faster. “hansol, room now,” you pulled back breathless and pulled him towards your room. you pushed him to your shared bed, straddling him and reconnecting your lips with the same force but this time, with you grinding on top of him this time. hansol’s hands moved to caress the back of your thigh to your waist, letting out soft hums and moans. you moved faster, trying to chase a high you knew only he could give you.  

“should i bleach my hair?” you said, slightly out of breath as your now very naked boyfriend chuckled, pulling you closer to his chest. he adjusted till you were both comfortable and looked down to meet your eyes. your hair messy, courtesy of your activities, eyes blown and still a little hazy, a slight sheen of sweat glistening in the glow of the bedside lamp, you looked so fucking beautiful that hansol thought he might just die under the weight of his feelings.  

“so you can post us with the caption, your buzz cut and my hair bleached?” hansol teased, making your cheeks warm up.  

“nooooo…” you dragged out, making him chuckle.  

“sure you don’t, my sweet little nerd,” hansol hummed, feeling content having you in his arms and letting the day’s exhaustion wash over you two, the soft hum of the air conditioner lulling you to sleep. 

a/n: sorry this website hates me it was supposed to go on earlier😔

[cxffecoupx]

soonyoung as a girl dad

girl dad! soonyoung fluff, smut (just a lil), requested warnings: reader has a womb, soonyoung absolutely whipped for his baby girl, mentions of him wanting a lot of kids, sex (again, i tried) wc: 925 author's notes: thank you, anon, for requesting this, because i loved it way too much. i got carried away a lil heh, but i hope you enjoy this. (and i might do a boy dad! soonyoung too, maybe)

girl dad! soonyoung who starts jumping up and down in excitement when he sees his little baby girl. he is emotional of course, but his happiness somehow overpowers with the way he keeps smiling giddily and kisses the little baby in his arms. runs over to you to tell you how adorable she looks with his eyes and your smile, but he talks so fast that you cant really keep up with him, but just keep smiling because his happiness is so damn contagious.

girl dad! soonyoung who is always so ready to shopping for baby items. he was so so excited to buy a little rocking cot for the baby before the delivery. now he buys a ton lot of plushies and toys, and you only notice at the checkout that most of them are tiger shaped ones.

girl dad! soonyoung who disappears almost immediately when you enter the clothes shop, only to return 10 minutes later with not one, not two, but three matching tiger onesies, complete with hood and all. you dont even argue with him because you know he's been waiting for this. hell, he'd been planning this ever since he's fucked a baby into you. buys a LOT of more matching clothes, but he's always eyeing the onesies with the brightest of smiles.

girl dad! soonyoung who is always around you and the baby, cooing and giggling at her while telling you jokes. he has his hands interlinked with you whenever you're together, and you know he'll he around to offer you as much help and support you need during this difficult time.

girl dad! soonyoung who learns from his mom, how to take care of your baby. learns about how to feed her, when to feed her, how to burp her, how to change her diapers, how to know why she's crying. he rushes over whenever she starts crying at night, but not before telling you to go back to sleep and that he'll handle it.

girl dad! soonyoung who dresses her up in her tiger onesie when his friends and family come over to meet her. when they arrive, they find the door open and the first thing they see when they enter is two and a half tiger looking people. jihoon asks you to blink twice if you need help, and you cant help but shake your head and sigh watching soonyoung keep up his tiger persona.

girl dad! soonyoung who feels like she grew up within the blink of an eye, and starts missing her baby days when she becomes one year old. but at the same time, he starts to learn how to tie and braid her hair, starts to buy more fashionable clothes for her because to him, "she's either going big or going home". his words, not yours.

girl dad! soonyoung who starts trying for his next baby right after his first child hits one year. he had already told you how he wanted to have a football team of children with you, and although you scoffed at him then, you did discuss to have at least 3 children. "the rest", he said, "we can decide later".

soonyoung who, although swears he loves his baby girl, is absolutely ecstatic when he learns that his mother has volunteered to babysit her for one night. and he promises to take full advantage of it. he pushes your face down into the mattress the second you agree to have more kids and thrusts in deep to make sure that you're pregnant by the next day. his low groans elicit louder moans from you, and he's never been more thankful for his mother, he thinks later.

girl dad! soonyoung who dances with his daughter every single day. it started very unexpectedly though. you were all in the living room and watching music videos until a song came up and your daughter started throwing random moves outta nowhere. this was enough for soonyoung though, to jump up from the couch and hold your baby's hands and dance with her. it didnt take long before they pulled you in too, just three people goofing around in their living room.

girl dad! soonyoung who, even though has a passion for dancing, never forced your daughter towards it. agreed, that seeing his daughter dance to songs makes him feel very proud. and although he'd love to see his daughter has a dancer like he is, he never ever wants to push her to something she doesnt like. which is exactly why he's over the moon when she asks him to take her to his dance studio or practice rooms.

girl dad! soonyoung who is always at the front row seats whenever your child's school has any programs. he's always the first to jump from his seat and give a standing ovation for anything your daughter does on stage, whether it be a dance performance or a speech or singing. he's just very very proud of his baby girl, forever.

girl dad! soonyoung who had a lot planned for his family before his marriage. and even though it doesnt always happen according to them, he's happy for the most adorable daughter who unmistakably takes after him (except for his obsession with tigers tho, which makes him pout), and for the most beautiful wife who he continues to love every single day. he's happy for this small family that he has now, but he's even happier looking forward to expanding it and maybe even have a football team of children. whatever you're up for.

[amphitriteswife]

Lookism characters babysitting a baby hc!

✨ :P

Jonggun, Goo Kim and James Lee (young)

🕶️Jonggun🕶️

🚬 Gun wouldn’t do it out of his own, it’s either because he wants the money or because Charles asked him to. The only child he’ll watch/ take care of willingly is Yenna.

🚬 Gun needs to know it advance if he will babysit a child, that way he will not smoke for a few days to really ‘cleanse’ his body. Aka making sure his breath and clothes dont stink like cigarettes

🚬 He’s not a type that baby talks. He’ll talk normally and have a regular conversation with the baby, yet seems to understand what they are saying, even the parents are amazed.

🚬 ‘baby, do you think speed beats brute strength in a fight?’ *baby gurgling* ‘yes, me too, i think they are both good in their own way. What a smart baby you are’

🚬 Usually when he’s outside or needs to run arrands with the baby he has those baby carriers. He’ll put the baby in it and usually keep one hand on their head to make sure they don’t bump their head and to show affection.

🚬 sometimes he lets them climb onto him if they’re in crawling stage. He’ll make sure that they won’t be harmed and his UI helps with reflexes so he’ll catch them for sure. He’s probably not moving an inch when they do so too.

🚬 even though he doesn’t show much affection nor baby talks, he finds them absolutely adorable. He likes those chonky cheeks and often caresses the baby on their cheek. Ofcourse he washes his hands and uses hand sanitizer.

🚬 sometimes when he takes off his sunglasses the baby takes interests in it and reaches out for it. For gun its no problem since the baby is then occupied doing something else, meaning he doesn’t have to entertain them as they are doing it themselves. And he probably has 100 other sunglasses at home.

🚬 jonggun likes quiet babies or very cheerful babies. He experienced lots with different kind of reactions, for example the babies crying when they see his eyes, or parents whispering that he looks demonic. Which he doesn’t care about tbh

🚬 the best thing about it is his paycheck. I feel like jonggun would want a slight high pay for taking care of the baby. But it has its positive side as he’s very good with the baby depending in terms of safety and taking care of them.

🚬 his opinions on changing their nappy is divided. When the baby lets him do his thing he’d be pretty chill with it. But when they start rolling around and crawling away he had to take a very big sigh. And he’ll probably charge you for that.

💸Goo kim💸

💳He would actually be 50/50 babysitting but do it regularly as a side job from his main job, and yes it’ll probably be illegal cause he 100% wants it in cash and won’t pay taxes for it.

💳 He thinks all babies are cute, pinches their cheeks, cradles them, holds them in the air, baby talks. This man would become a nanny if he could, but ofcourse it’s all for the money🤑

💳 Goo isn’t a fan of nappy changing, he dislikes it yet knows its an important part of his job. Although it’s rough sometimes. Especially when he deals with it outside for example or he finds himself in a difficult situation where he cant change them, he always manages to do it eventually

💳 ‘you ’re so cute baby! Do you like me? Do you think i’m nice?’ *baby noises* ‘aww you do, see this man named Jonggun doesn’t think so. He’s being ridiculous right?’ *baby noise* ‘yes, next time i’ll steal all his Prada bags.’

💳 He will take them out for walks and actually carry them despite having a baby carrier clasped on his chest. He will go to the park, do some shopping. Do some cooking. Do some talking. Just everything to entertain the baby.

💳 probably buys the baby things if they grab something in the store or seem to stare at something. If it keeps them entertained its all the better. And it’s not expensive either so he doesn’t complain much about it.

💳 dresses the baby in cute outfits. Usually he lays all the outfits on the floor and lets the baby crawl to which on the like, he does it with everything. Jumpers, shirts, bows, shoes, skirts, dresses. Anything.

💳 he’ll have beef with the parents for buying baby stuff and not following the diet and basically taking them anywhere. Some will let him do it again and others won’t.

💳 even if he thinks babies are cute. He HATES the sound of them crying. He’ll panic, get exhausted, try to get them to stop but still fail and then just sit there rethinking his life.

💳 He and Jonggun would lowkey meet up when both of them are babysitting. And let the babies play with each other while they talk about various things.

💳 despite Goo having money and being able to afford high end baby foods. He prefers to cook or blend and make his own. Ofcourse making sure the baby isn’t allergic to anything, he’ll usually make soup or porridge for the baby and decorate it so that they won’t refuse to eat it.

🍬James Lee🍬

🍭 Man is poor okay, even if he works under Charles blud was still in his highschool student phase so he was probably broke asf and needed money. And no he aint watching crystal.

🍭 He, like Goo, also thinks babies are cute and prefers them over toddlers. That’s because toddlers can be very spoiled or run away and blud does NOT have the energy for it.

🍭 He likes the smell of baby powder. So when he has to powder the baby he uses it too. He sniffs baby powder instead of drugs.

🍭 james feels really protective for the babies he’s sitting. He think’s they’re super tiny and fragile what makes his heart melt but also feel very protective from his instinct.

🍭 when he holds the baby he lets them munch on his muscles if they’re teething. He doesn’t rly mind and as long as they’re not in pain he just thinks it’s fine.

🍭 people mistake him as being a single teenage dad most of the time. ‘Hey did you see the dude with the red hair and the baby?’ ‘Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a kid, he’s probably bussing it down’ he was in fact, not bussing it down.

🍭 he’ll use the baby to practice his tests. As in he’ll explain what he had to learn to the baby and practice his presentations. The baby usually claps after he’s done or giggles what makes him super happy

🍭 He’ll also try to teach the baby how to speak and walk depending on how old they are, he’ll help with their development and speaks with them. He often curses because well he’s a teen, but tries his best not to use it in front of the baby

🍭 the most reliable out of all the 3 tbh. He’s more a big brother type to the baby than a nanny/ care taker. He’ll come see the baby if he had time. Or for example says hi if he sees them at the park with their parents.

🍭 He’s not the type to use a baby carrier but rather a stroller cause he doesn’t have to carry the baby all the time and can let them sit/ lay in it. Especially when they get sleepy. He likes strolling outside with the baby and going to the park/ beach

🍭 baby will be home safe and happy if James is the one who babysat. And he’s 100% asked to baby sit again. Which made him popular but because he has school he only had standard ppl he’ll sit for.

Thank you all for reading! 🩵

[tlouadditc]

to the brim ... <3

dom!abby x fem!sub!reader

!! not my pic !!

warnings: fluff + smut [MDNI and MEN DNI.] modern!au / no apocalypse, established relationship, softdom!abby [?], i couldnt think of good gifts dont mind it, abby is a gamer confirmed bc i said so, breeding [duh], abby has a breeding strap, filthy talk omg :(( ah!! i think thats it

a/n: ever since i read @seattlesellie's ellie breeding fic... i've been a changed woman. so here's my take on abby! p.s.: no desc. of hair, skin color, size, etc. :) this is also kinda long but enjoy my loves!

you and abby had been together for around 3 long, happy years. the happiest years, you could say. it was weird; you never thought you'd end up like this. never.. imagined being happy with someone, especially someone as outgoing and brave as abby. you were complete opposites, you being more introverted and kept to yourself while abby was loud and proud. even the way she asked you out [buying you your favorite flowers, making you dinner, AND two cute little matching rings] was memorable and creative. you've always loved everything about her.

today, in present time, is your anniversary. every year, you attempt to top the last year. always remembering little details and bookmarking whatever she sent you just for this moment. abby's currently at her office job; "busiest day of the year, but i'll be back in time for dinner," she explained earlier that morning. "promise!" you take this as an opportunity to buy her gifts and plan out a romantic dinner for the night.

lately, she's been wanting these lego flower sets [specifically the orchid ones since they reminded her of you.. :,)], so you quickly bought one. that isn't enough, you think, so you also get custom lego keychains of both of you, making them both wear wedding dresses and smile as bright as the sun. while you're at it, you get her favorite cake, chocolate with strawberry sprinkles, and have "happy 3rd anniversary, my love" on the top. you smile as you reach your apartment, already visualizing her surprised face. i'll get her this year, you think as you step inside.

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱──────────

hours later, you hear a slight knock knock knock on the door. perfect timing, you think, quickly fixing your hair and looking over your outfit. you're wearing a black maxi dress, tight-fitting over your curves, but simple in style. it's kinda casual, but abby insisted on staying home. "it's for my surprise," she argued, a smirk forming on her face as she said it. she always had some quick trick up her sleeve, but you're even quicker.

well. most of the time.

you peek in the peephole, and there she is. she's wearing her glasses today [her bluelight ones you bought for her your last anniversary since she always complained about her headaches], dressed in all black and her hair flowing down her shoulders. her hands hold onto the handle of a medium sized, deep red giftbag. she probably feels your eyes on her, because flashes a pearly smile up to the small opening. no matter how much she smiles, you never get tired of it. you quickly unlock the door and open it widely.

her pale skin turns a slight dusty shade of pink as she looks you up in down, lovingly taking in your beauty. her mouth opens to say something, but all that comes out is a soft, "hi, baby," before she pulls you into a tight hug, exhaling as she wraps her toned arms around you. she feels like.. like something familiar, but nothing you've ever felt before. something comforting. like home.

she pulls back, placing her hands on either cheek. her eyes move back and forth from one eye to another, almost as if she's trying to read your mind, hear your thoughts. "missed you so much, bun." she leans in, giving you two small pecks on the lips before pulling you into one last hug.

"missed you more abs," you murmur, "more than you'd ever know."

she pulls back, smiling as you mirror her expression. after a couple of seconds, she finally looks around the apartment. "babe?" she questions, clearly in shock. there's big, red heart balloons and her favorite candles are lit all around. she's completely enveloped in the candlelit room, gasping when she looks down and sees rose petals scattered beautifully on the wooden floor. you see her eyes lock onto two red, nicely wrapped gifts on the coffee table. "oh. my god," she looks from the living room back to you, astonished. "no, you didn't."

"oh, yes i did," you giggle as you close and lock the front door. she walks carefully over the fresh rose petals into the living room. she sits on the couch, looking up at you with doe eyes. "babe, if this is what i think it is..." she pauses and exhales. all you can do is smile; your excitement cannot be contained. "open them up!" you cheer, sitting down in the armchair beside the sofa.

she picks up the smaller box, cautiously shaking it. she was always great at guessing your gifts. but this time, she furrows her brows in confusion. she shakes it once more, a little harder this time, deep thought written across her sharp face. the scrunch in her nose makes you laugh a bit. "is it.." she starts, but cuts herself off. "i don't know.. actually."

you shrug, "then open it, babe." she sighs before accepting defeat and opening the small package. as soon as she gets the paper off, she gasps and looks up at you. "oh my god!" she exclaims. "wait, are these-" she looks back at the package, back at you, and holds it up to your face. "oh my god! it's us!"

you smile and laugh while she gushes over the fact they look exactly like you two. "how did they get my hair perfect? and the little dresses! i mean, look at it, oh my god." she admires them silently for a few seconds before uttering, "this is gonna be us, bun. i promise."

the uncontrollable urge to smile takes over your face, making your cheeks hurt a bit. she's muttering a thousand "thank you"s before opening the next one; the one you're the most excited about. she's been talking about this since last year, but she never had the time to get it or start it, matter of fact.

she tears the paper once again, immediately stopping in her tracks. her eyes move up to you once again and her jaw goes slack. "oh my FUCKING god," she yells, ripping the rest of the paper off. it's almost like she's a child again; the way her face lights up makes your entire day worth while. she proceeds to nerd out over the set once again, "this is so... oh my goodness i can't even explain how excited i am. thank you so much babe... wow.. i got so lucky..."

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱──────────

you made her favorite dinner that night, having it freshly prepared for her and still warm on the stove. she just rambles about how she's the luckiest woman in the world to have a beautiful girlfriend and how much she loves you. she continues this throughout the entire meal, making sure she can treat you with the same treatment whenever she can; wiping your cheek when anything got on your face, getting you whatever you needed with no questions asked.. anything. basically, your everyday treatment with her.

after dinner, you both sit on the sofa, talking about your days. mid-conversation, abby randomly gasps.

"and then he was li- uhm... abby?"

"oh my god. i almost forgot!"

"what? what's the matter?"

"your gift!!"

she practically jumps out of her seat, striding over to the counter where she left the giftbag. "can't believe i forgot my gift for my special girl." she scoffs at herself and sits while handing you the bag. it's not heavy, but it's also not lightweight. you scan through your memories of things you've mentioned to her: cats, a wedding ring, books... but it didn't seem like any of that stuff was in here.

you give up, opening the top and looking inside. your jaw drops. you see a long, light pink box. there's fancy gold lettering across the front that you can't read. you take the box out, and unwrap the ribbon bow from around it. as you lift the top up, you see plush flowers and.. a small hello kitty stuffed animal in between the flowers. you squeal as you put the bag down and hug abby tightly, muttering thankyouthankyouthankyou!! all she does is smile and whisper "of course, princess." you think that's it before you realize there's a small pink card and a even smaller box inside the bag.

confused, you pick up the card and analyze the cover. it's a baby princess themed card; such an abby thing to do. you glance over at her to crack a smile, but you realize she has on that devilish smirk plastered across her face. uh oh, you think. "why're you smiling like that, babe?"

"like what?" her smirk grows wider.

that's even more 'abby' like than the card.

you roll your eyes jokingly before deciding to open the card up. inside, there's a paragraph written:

"dear y/n,

happy 3rd anniversary, my love! i'm so glad you're in my life, even after all this time. you'll always be special to me and i see that we will grow old together. i know you've been wanting that bouquet for a while, but i noticed you've been obsessed with something more.."

you glance up at abby once again. she's watching your reaction with that same smirk. what is she up to? you continue to read:

"i hope you noticed the cover of the card; of course, you're my princess, and you always will be. but i always see you looking at baby clothes when we're out, gushing over baby videos at home, etc etc. and even though we technically can't make one.. i can still give you the experience. ;) love your [nonofficial] wife, abby"

you feel your face heat up as you close the card. abby's large, warm hand suddenly starts stroking your leg through the dress, jolting you back to reality. she chuckles, whispering, "mm, you want that, right? you want me to knock you up?" she's getting closer, her hot breath hitting your neck, making you shudder. "want me to fill you to the brim, baby? hm?"

she's kissing your neck, small pecks turning into full-on hickeys. she loves the way you whimper and squirm, the way you turn your head to give her more access. "i'll take that as a yes," she breathes, a small laugh leaving her mouth. her hand travels from your leg, up to your neck and chin, making you turn and kiss her.

"so pretty like this," she coos in between kisses. she's lost in your big eyes, your noises; lost in you. she toys with the thin straps of your dress, subtly signaling to take it off. you, of course, rush to peel it off. after you do so, you're almost completely naked while she's completely clothed. the drastic difference makes you feel small under her predatory gaze. she taps her thigh twice and demands, "come here, princess."

you straddle her lap, your clothed cunt slightly gaining friction against her pants, making you whimper. "such pretty noises," she murmurs, mostly to herself. her hands rest nicely on your sides, right above your hips. "so, tell me," she starts. "how you wanna do this, mama?"

the new nickname makes you feel a slight heartbeat in between your legs. "oh, you liked that, huh?" she comments, smirking as she looks up at your pretty little face. "well, if you want me to take control, i'll do it. i'll do whatever you want, mama."

"use me," you blurt out, desperately needing her right at that moment. you move your hips back and forth, grinding against her crotch to relieve the ache in between your thighs. abby lets out a breathy laugh, "oh, you want it that bad? god, you're so cute."

before you can respond, she's wrapping her arm around your waist and standing up. you wrap your legs around her waist and your arms around her neck out of instinct. she's walking you to the bedroom, just like her little princess.

when she gets into the room, she lays you on your back, legs behind held back by her large hands pinning them under your armpits. your breath is shaky, heartbeat practically bulging out of your chest. she leaves a trail of sloppy, wet kisses from your neck alllll the way down to your bellybutton. "f-fuck, abby," you shudder, her face getting closer and closer to your heat. "what's wrong?" she asks, "what you need, baby?"

"need you inside," you beg, not caring how pathetic you sound now. "oh, i know, baby," she coos, "but i wanna make this special for you, okay? no rushing. just us."

you appreciate her genuine care with your intimate experiences with her, but at this point, the ache was growing more and more painful as time went on. you whine, moving one of the hands pinning your leg to your cunt. "please, abs. need it."

"fuck, babe," her voice is low and husky, almost a growl. "okay, okay, i got you, mkay? i'll treat you right, promise."

her pointer finger ghosts over your swollen clit, forcing a small moan out. small little circles stimulate your bud, drenching your already soaked panties. she groans, "always so wet f'me, my god." as if she can't take it anymore, she practically rips off the small cloth off your aching pussy. the cold air meeting the warmth of your core makes you gasp, squeezing your thighs together in response.

abby's warmth comes back and divorces your legs apart, pinning them back to where they were originally. "gonna take such good care of you, mama," she mutters, kissing your inner thighs. after what feels like an eternity of teasing, she finally lays small, short kitten licks on your cunt. the small feeling of her warm muscle against your clit relieves the burning ache in your core, but only for a second. she lays a flat tongue, collecting your slick as she moves up. your small "oh"s egg her on, fueling her ego as she spreads your lips apart and latches onto your bud. your moans grow louder and louder, legs slightly trembling from how good it felt. little did you know, she's getting off on your pretty little reactions; she's moaning against your bud, vibrations making your legs shake even more.

"ffffuck-," you cry out, gripping the sheets from pleasure. the vibrations send you over the edge, the familiar tingly feeling in your abdomen unraveling. "m'cumming- oh my god," you wail, attempting to close your legs to get away from abby's tongue. her hands grip your thighs, forcing them apart once again. she continues to suck on your clit, overstimulating you. "t-too much - fuck!"

your juices and her saliva mix, coating the bottom of her chin. she finally unlatches from your sensitive, swollen bud and wipes her chin. "sorry, bun," she says, heavily breathing, "you just taste so goddamn sweet, i had to!"

as abby starts to walk away [you assume it's to help you clean up so you guys can sleep], you slowly drift away into a deep sleep..

"nuh uh, 'm not done with you, mama."

your eyes force open, eyes immediately landing on abby's bare chest. she was almost never topless around you - except when you two showered together - but it wasn't a norm in the house. you unintentionally whisper, "you're so beautiful," causing a wide smile to go across abby's kind face. "thank you, baby," she replied, "c'mere." she patted the edge of the bed. her usual black strap was buckled on, intimidating you from the end of the bed.

you crawl to the edge, sitting on your feet when you reach abby. she giggles, "get on your back, babe. you know the drill." you follow her orders, slightly chuckling at your mistake. as she lines herself up with your slit, she caresses your face, just telling you how much she loves you; "love you so much, bun. i'm so lucky to have you, y'know that, right?" she peppers small pecks along your face in between, smiling at your perfect face.

"'m gonna go all in, okay? jus' let me know when i can move," she warns. you nod, slightly nervous. the strap seemed bigger than usual; a bit wider too. it made you think she'd rip you apart with this thing! but as she bottomed out, the sharp painful sensation was short lived and replaced with a more pleasant sensation, the feeling of being full. and not just full, but full of her.

you start to slightly grind on her cock, trying to get any pleasure. the desperate motion making abby smirk and slam into you again, this time earning a loud, pathetic yelp from you. she continues to slam into you, holding your hips for leverage. "yea, keep makin' those pretty sounds for me," she groans, almost in an animalistic way. all you can do is tell her how good you feel, hands gripping onto her toned biceps.

she brings a hand down, right over your abdomen, pressing slightly. "you feel me right there, yea?" there's a slight bulge where her strap is; the sight makes you drool slightly. you nod feverishly, focusing on her voice and her dick pounding into you. her hips snap back and forth, squishing sounds filling the dimly lit room.

she, on the other hand, is hyper-focused on watching the black silicone disappear inside your gushing cunt, a vague white ring forming around the base of her cock. the sight alone has her pussydrunk and practically forming a pool in between her thighs. "such a messy fucking cunt," she murmurs. "wish i could fucking - shit - fill that little pussy up."

your moans become louder, your grip tightening on the meat of her muscles. your head goes back, putting the hickeys she gave you on full display. "oh, you fucking like that, huh?" she places both hands on either side of your head, still fucking you at a relentless pace. every thrust she does, her tits bounce slightly in front of you. her hair frames her face perfectly, the sweat beads racing down her skin as she pounds into you.

"holy fuck," you whimper. her cock, buried deep inside your greedy little cunt, hits that spongy spot inside of you, making you go insane. she smirks, she knows what she's doing. "what? speak up, princess," she speaks, a mocking tone laced in her words.

"s-so good," a choked moan cuts you short.

"you like the way 'm fucking you? like the way that dick got you going crazy, huh?"

a string of yesyesyes's is all you can get out, too lost in your own pleasure.

"wan' me to fuck my baby into you?" she's out of breath, start to whimper, but she doesn't slow down or stop. she just keeps. on. pounding. she's chasing her orgasm, clit bumping against the base of the strap. you're just a wailing, helpless mess under her, begging for her to cum into you. "i need it, p-please, abs!"

she moans loudly as her thrusts get sloppier, slowing down slightly. you feel a thick liquid unleash into your hole, filling you up. the new feeling causing you to gasp, looking down at where you two met. abby fully pulls out after a few seconds, when a gush of white liquid slowly drips out of your stuffed cunt. she whispers, "fuck, that's a pretty sight to see." using one hand, she spreads you open, your fucked-out hole on display, just for her.

you're still trying to steady your breathing, getting more tired by the second. abby sits on the bed next to you, pulling you into her lap. she caresses your face once again, "did so good f'me, baby. happy anniversary." she kisses your forehead, cuddling you close to her body. before you fully fall asleep, she picks you up, bridal style.

"wh- what are you doing?" you question, half asleep.

"gotta clean you up, babe." she giggles at your sleepy voice.

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱──────────

after a long, warm bubble bath together and a small cleaning session, you and abby finally lay back on the couch to watch a movie and cuddle.

"y'know what, babe?" she asks, shoveling chocolate cake into her mouth.

"what?"

"i wish i could actually get you pregnant."

you slightly giggle at that, "me too."

"i also want to marry you. really badly." she's looking at your face now, reading into your soul.

"we should get married," you speak, thoughtfully. what's the point of her bringing this u-

she gets up unexpectedly, walking over to your giftbag. confused, you ask, "what's up?" she pulls out that small box you saw earlier. "oh, nothing.." she walks in front of you, then dips down onto one knee.

you gasp. is this really happening? right here right now?? someone pinch me.

"y/n, you've made me the happiest woman on earth for the past 3 years we've been together. not to mention the first 4 of us being friends. now, i'm not gonna give a long, sappy speech during this amazing moment," she slightly chuckles, "but i want to ask you.. will you be my wife?" she opens the box, a shiny ring glistening in the light.

you can't see it that well since tears well up in your eyes. you could've never asked for anyone better than abby. she's made you a better person overall. she's been there for you, even in your darkest times. you nod, wiping your tears.

she's slightly chuckling, which you don't realize until your eyes clear. it's.. a minecraft ring. specifically a minecraft rose on a thick band of gold. you laugh and let her slide it on your ring finger.

"i'm sorry," she's still giggling as she gets up from the floor, "i saw this while i was out and i was like 'this is perfect.'" you're also giggling, "it is perfect. thank you, baby."

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱──────────

a/n: abby's such a jokester! anyway hope u guys enjoyed this took forever!

taglist: @unicycl @xnoviee @aouiaa @akenosimp167 @njplatesruler [if you're striked out, i can't tag u!! :(]

[exorsysm]

people dont talk about how liberating syscovery can be. we didnt see ourselves as a person, we were a loose conglomerate of traits shifting and changing like the tectonic plates. no sexuality because it would change too often, my gender could only be described as vaguely male because it would change too often, couldnt have a music taste either which led us to stick to the same 2 or 3 artists since, even if we didnt like them, we knew them. and because it would change too often. my friends would tell me that i need to get a style and an aesthetic and a way to dress but i couldnt because my clothing preferences would change so often. i would think i had it all figured out one week and then hate it the next. eventually i stopped trying.

its been nice to get to know myself. who i am now even if that might be a different person tomorrow. i like old music from the 60s and 70s. i like dark clothes and long sleeves. im bisexual! i like minecraft. i feel so real. i feel so much better. my friends still all think im weird and inconsistent. but at least now im weird and inconsistent with a purpose.

[benedictscanvas]

hey love! im sorry your request box hasnt been what you were looking for but maybe this will work! can i request a ball with benedict bridgerton where feelings are only realized when one of them dances with someone else? i dont really mind if its reader or benedict but i just think it would be cute!! hope you’re doing well <3 <3

hello my lovely. you're the sweetest, thank you so much for such a gorgeous request. I've got a pretty similar fic where Benedict realises his feelings, so I was super excited to do the other way around, I hope you enjoy <3 <3 | 1.5k words, fem!reader

There is a woman in Benedict’s arms and it isn’t you and you think you might throw your lemonade at her. Accidentally, of course.

You don’t know her, and if the reasonable side of your brain was in charge, you’d probably think she looks quite lovely. Her hair is adorned in elaborate braids and her smile is demure but still a little goofy - she isn’t shrouded in the fake humility that she finds so many ladies of the ton carry around with them. 

But still you find yourself fantasising about a large lemonade stain painting the front of her dress, the poor girl hurrying away in her shock and distress.

Away from Benedict. Who’s now laughing. At something the girl has said, no less. Why, you’d never seen him laugh at any lady of the ton who wasn’t either his sister or, once, Lady Danbury.

And yourself, of course, but you didn’t count.

At least, you didn’t think you counted. You didn’t think you wanted to count, content to while away the balls and the promenades by Benedict’s side, sometimes Eloise’s, whispering about so-and-so’s hat or whats-his-name’s hair. He’d never asked you to dance, although you’d never wanted him to before. Now that he was dancing with someone for the first time you could recall, however, you could feel that changing very swiftly.

”You know, looking vexed in the corner isn’t likely to win you many adoring suitors, Miss Y/L/N.”

Eloise always knows just when to get on your nerves and she’s grinning at you slyly when you turn to face her, finally breaking the spell that Benedict and his new dance partner had placed on you.

”Since when have you believed that was my endeavour, dear Eloise?”

”Since you’ve spent the entire night glaring at pretty young Miss Pennyforth. It’s making you look rather jealous, to the untrained eye.”

You turn away from her, fixing your eyes on her brother yet again. They’re not talking anymore, just staring at each other as he twirls her again and again. Maybe it was better when they spoke after all, because now your stomach is twisting into something that does indeed feel a lot like jealousy.

”Yes, well, you know better than to think I’m jealous. Though I do seem to be in a foul mood.”

Eloise nods exaggeratedly, a pretend-sympathetic pout on her lips.

”Yes, you poor thing. And it obviously has nothing to do with the brother of mine that you can’t take your eyes off.”

You pointedly look at her again but she just dissolves into giggles at the look on your face.

”If you have a point, Eloise, I suggest you make it.”

”Oh, no point at all. Only that the one ball where Benedict decides not to stand with you and ruin his prospects all night, you seem to be very dour indeed. With no correlation, of course.”

You glower at her as best you can. You have the irritable feeling crawling out of your stomach through your throat that you might be about to cry, and you refuse to do so here, or to allow Eloise to think it’s her fault if you do.

”You run along and find Penelope or I shall tell your mother there’s a gentleman asking after you.”

She gaped at you, quite genuinely.

”You wouldn’t,” she murmured, but then promptly hurried away when you fixed her with a look that told her you most certainly would. It was a lie, because you could never bring yourself to do that to your friend, but it was a ruse that allowed to slip away from the ballroom.

You cast one last glance over your shoulder at Benedict to see him kissing the back of Miss Penny-something’s hand and your eyes began to sting.

- - -

There was a little bench hidden away to the left of the grand entrance, just dark enough to not be spotted by those near the carriages. You managed to shed a few tears in private, silent silly things, and you wiped them away angrily.

It was only Benedict. Quiet, mischievous, generous Benedict. He was creative and caring and could come up with the most brilliant insults you’d ever heard. Obviously, he also had a beautiful face, but you’d never given it much thought. All the Bridgertons were beautiful, it felt like a requirement.

”Did Lord Tennesby try to talk to you again?”

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes with your head bowed. Of course he’d find you. If anyone was likely to be looking for a quiet spot for a moment’s reprieve, it was him.

You wiped at your face in vain before looking up at him with what you hoped was a convincing smile. 

“I’d be halfway back home if that was the case. What are you doing out here?”

Why aren’t you with Pennyfuzzy? was the unspoken second question that you couldn’t quite bring yourself to ask, knowing how spiteful it would come out. You wished you had realised you might want more from Benedict in the comfort of your own home, where you could take a week to process those feelings and prepare for how to deal with them.

Instead, you’d just have to see what happened in this conversation and go from there. Sounded promising.

”I was going to ask you the same thing. Have you…been crying?”

”I think it’s the flowers,” you point over at the hyacinths in the nearby flowerbed, “They often get the best of me this time of year.”

”Daphne’s ball last year was filled with hyacinths and you didn’t so much as sniffle.”

You frowned at him.

“I probably sniffled.”

“You didn’t. I would have noticed. I would have offered you a handkerchief like the dashing young gentleman I am.”

It was enough to pull up your frown at the corners, which in turn propelled him to take a seat beside you on the bench. You busied yourself with a crease in your dress when you talked to him.

“Maybe you’re not as dashing as you think.”

“I’m incredibly dashing,” he argued, pointing his chin upwards in that silly, mighty way you always giggled at, “I swept Miss Pennyforth off her feet just moments ago.”

Like an ice cold bucket of water poured right over you. You almost shivered.

“Ah, Miss Pennyforth. Has someone finally captured your wayward attention, Mister Bridgerton?”

You looked up at him and tried not to sniffle or snuffle or anything else that might give you away. He was just looking puzzled.

“What? No, I meant I quite literally swept her off her feet. I got the steps wrong, according to Eloise, who helped me up once she had a hold of her laughter.”

You blinked at him.

“You fell?”

“Into quite the heap. Miss Pennyforth was a good sport about it all but she did end up with a rather unfortunate lemonade stain all down the front of her dress. I think she was a little embarrassed.”

He had the decency to look a little embarrassed himself. There you had been, ready to hurl the contents of your cup at the girl and Benedict had solved your predicament for you. A twinge of guilt tugged at you.

“I’m sorry I missed it,” you said honestly, face overtaken by a wry smirk since Benedict had not sat down singing her praises. Still you had to be sure, “She was looking a very good dancer before I left, I was afraid she might steal away my conversation partner.”

It ended up sounding far more transparent in your intentions than you’d hoped. But you held his eye contact defiantly when he grinned.

“I knew you missed me,” he said, smug, “I took one look at your face and I could see it plain as day. Really, you should have hidden it better.”

“I don’t enjoy these events and you know it, Benedict.”

Back to his first name and by the light in his eyes, he’d noticed the switch. He stood up and held out his arm for you.

“I know. I’m very grateful for it. Now come along, I’ve done my duty to my mother dancing with that girl and now I would like to do my duty to myself.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, not moving a muscle.

“I would like to make fun of the Featheringtons with my most cherished friend. Would you do me the honour?”

Something skipped inside your chest. Light and airy again, no longer weighed down and chained to something churning your stomach. His most cherished friend. Despite the evening’s revelations, that sounded heavenly.

“Is Eloise inside waiting for you then?” you can’t help but tease and he promptly puts his arm back by his side with a huff.

“You are intolerable. I’m going without you.”

“No - wait!” you laughed, following after him gleefully as he turned away from you and started walking. You managed to catch him on the stairs, threading your hand into the crook of his elbow with ease as you did.

The smile he sent you would take at least the next week to contemplate but you had time. You could be a very brilliant 'most cherished friend' for now.

(and you were far more cherished than you knew, of course, but he wasn't quite ready to tell you yet)

---

if you'd like to request something of your own, please see this post for characters I write for and two super brief guidelines. thank you for reading, sunflower <3

[saintjosie]

Hey, sorry for setting a bit of a depressing tone with this ask but im a struggling baby trans girl

Do you have any advice for coping with the thoughts of "i will never manage to mold my body into a woman's body"?

Right now i am unable to start transitioning due to multiple reasons - both social (especially family) and hrt accessibility related - and my biggest issue with my body is that it's just.. annoyingly masculine. Ever since i was 14 my legs had more and longer hair than my 30-something old cousin's husband. Ever since i was 12 i started feeling too ashamed of my body to wear short pants and it was only this year that i started feeling a bit more ok about it (I will not disclose my age publicly, but i am in university).

And it's like. It's so exhausting to look in the mirror and not only not recognise the face as my own, but often actively hate it. To look at my body and to barely tolerate it anymore

There are some things that i've tried. I've trimmed my leg hair (to a fourth of its original size), and the instant my parents noticed they mocked me. I'm trying to let my hair grow but not only am i getting bombarded with questions of "when are you gonna get a haircut/let me give you a haircut" from all members of my family, it's also in that incredibly awkwards state which i know i will have to push through, but it still makes it even harder for me to look into the mirror

Once again, sorry for the tone of this ask, but do you have any words of hope or advice?

im sorry youre going through all of that. its incredibly difficult and i feel for you. i think that one thing that i frequently see from people in the earliest stages in transition is the struggle of feeling like they will never see themselves in the mirror. and i get it. i was 29 by the time i started hormones and a big part of why i was scared to do it was because i also thought that i was never going to look the way i wanted to. and whether or not we like it, there is safety in being able to say, oh if i dont look the way i want to, then its better for me not to try at all. its a horrible feeling but its one that you've lived with for years and there is safety in the familiarity.

but that's the thing - no one ever looks 100% the way they want to. i dont know a single person who hasnt had the struggle of looking in the mirror and wishing they could change something. and yes, we as trans people face that much more than most other people but it is a human experience to want to change and better ourselves.

after four years of being on hormones, i still look in the mirror and see things i want to change but also that feeling is much much less now. and its not just the hormones either. i like the way i dress because i wear what i want to. i like my hair because i decided i wanted to grow it out and change the color. i stopped molding my appearance to fit other people's expectations. and in doing so, i found that liking something about myself mattered far more than if other peopled like it. so shave your legs! grow out your hair! when people ask you questions, dont answer or tell them to fuck off! you dont need to make excuses for yourself because you dont need an excuse to be who you want to be.

im gonna be completely honest with you - it will not be easy. and youre not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly find that your entire perspective has changed. in fact it is very likely, and very human, to continue to question the decisions you make. but always remember, you know who you are. and if you dont know, then only you are capable of finding out. and so i say with all the love in the world, i hope you find yourself and learn to love yourself in the process <3

[deminetly]

𓏵 BETTER CR INTRO

──────────────────

(this is not just a dr, Im manifesting basically this exact life into my cr and just thought to make it into a dr script too)

┆ABOUT THIS DR

Im still deciding on the country in which this dr is set since Im planning on moving away from the country I currently live in but my main options are Spain and Switzerland

set in modern times

──────────────────

┆ABOUT ME

so Im still the same person and use my own face claim but I am manifesting (and also working on) bettering myself in a few ways so I scripted those changes in (healing my mental health for example)

Im a master shifter and manifestor

my vibe -

──────────────────

┆S/O

dates we go on here

I imagine him having either a buzz cut or really long hair and wearing baggy, black clothes, tall and attractive (obvi). dark eyes, dark hair, a really small cutie mustache

I have a really long list of all of my expectations which I fear I wont be listing here but just imagine him being super obsessed with me (in a healthy way of course) and giving me princess treatment (duh)

random facts - he plays guitar and skates (scripted that in just so he could teach them to me lol), he has a car (just to drive me around 😛), maybe works as a car mechanic

──────────────────

┆MY LIFE

nothing too special, I go to school (Im manifesting getting into a good art school in which I could study film/set design.) I have a little friend group and travel around a lot with either my mom or friends

Im thinking of starting a youtube channel in my cr so I might script that Im a bit of an influencer kind of? I post ideas, vlogs, shifting content, art content and maybe even advice of some sort

──────────────────

┆HOME

when I first shift there I will still be living with my mom (and cat) in an apartment but later on I will be moving out into my own house

current home (when I first shift there) - an aparment in a somewhat busy street, big rooms and windows, I imagine our apartment having 2 stories, my room and bathroom being in the second one and the living room, kitchen, second bathroom and my moms room being in the first. I have my own bathroom with a big bath AND shower. we have a big pool outside. theres a farmers market nearby that I go to buy strawberries from every day. my room might also have a little balcony

future home - my own house in a mountain town where everyone knows everyone and we have dinner parties together where anyone that lives there is invited to every week. the house has a big garden full of life as well as a river that no one really knows of close by so i can swim alone, peacefully every day. has a cozy, whimsical, peaceful vibe to it. big windows, big rooms. also imagining 2 stories for this house. I want some sort of cool addition room like a sun room or art room with a reading nook. also loads of plants everywhere around the house

──────────────────

┆SCHOOL

I go to a pretty small, old, art school (for some reason I imagine the walls as light pink and a bit cracked in case you were wondering..)

I take the normal classes (expect for physics, chemesty and geography beacuse why would I want that) + media, film and possibly creative writing

I have a best friend in my class

all the teachers are chill and nice, the school days arent too long, we dont get too much homework, the tests are easy and I enjoy the whole school experience

the vibe of the school -

──────────────────

┆WARDROBE

im obviously also keeping my other clothes that I currently own (that are a whole other vibe) but I really want some cool dresses like this so thats what I added here

btw if youre interested in my current wardrobe heres a pinterest board (check the ‘mines’ section) and heres my instagram

──────────────────

┆EXTRA PLACES

the river that I swim in like every day

the roof that me and my friend hang out in

──────────────────

┆ACTIVITIES

writing books

making stop motion films

making short films

swimming in rivers fully clothed

putting out a hammock and reading a book

going for forest runs in dresses

seeking out fairies

leaving out gifts for fairies

singing in forests

lying on the groud while Its raining

going for runs in the rain

connecting with animals

having a secret hangout just for myself

meditating in nature

feeding ducks

going on random side quests

exploring new places

hanging with my friends

fun dates with my s/o

──────────────────

┆MY ART

these are all from pinterest and Im just using them to show what kind of art I want to create

I also make short films and write books (lmk if you want to hear more about those too because this post is already too long to put it all here)

──────────────────

┆TIMELINE

this is pretty messy since I am manifesting this kind of life and obviously dont know exactly when something is going to happen but Im going to move out of this country, get into a good school, meet friends and my mans❤️, all this while still living with my mom in an apartment but when I finish school I plan on moving out to my own house and being a set designer for theatres and films and maybe sort of an influencer even though I truly hate that word

[snghnlvr]

ok hear me out.. a contract/arranged marriage with any enha member, cliche stuff like yall not getting along n stuff plus yall prolly hate eo's guts. however one day, you got caught in some situation with a guy (idk ur ex or smth) which caused them to be jealous n yea yall fluff things out 🤭🤭

sign me up. | lee heeseung

lee heeseung x fem reader

synopsis : heeseung may have gotten a bit overboard when he saw your ex.

includes : 1.3k words | angst | little fluff towards the ending | haechan appearance! | abusive past relationship | heeseung is not jealous … sorry he’s more … angry :)

extra : first heeseung work!! | i literally change the scenario last minute because i find angry tuexdo heeseung quite hot <3 | little fluff because they like to argue | yn is petty but heeseung doesn’t care | bad employees talking shit about heeseung 👎 | heeseung saves the day!! | this picture of heeseung as a reference … MADE ME FERAL💢💢

(p.s no i’m not normalizing abusive relationships.)

likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

[below the cut]

you’re staring at your untouched plate of food in front of you. the low volume of chattering and jazz music playing, it made you be in a sea of thoughts.

the fabric of your dress made you feel queasy, questioning as to why you’re the person being told to do this. it felt weird. the atmosphere felt weird overall. it didn’t feel right to be in this situation.

your sweaty fingertips lingered around your bare thigh.

the lights reflected on your white plate.

the smoke of the food disappeared into thin air without you noticing.

you didn’t want to spend your night like this.

you didn’t like the feeling of someone that you utterly hate your guts with, in front of you.

unwavering and eyes just wandering around in boredom, no one dared to speak.

your eyes were filled with hatred with every second spent with your husband. your husband that you were arranged for marriage with. you couldn’t reject - you couldn’t even say no because both parents wanted this opportunity to raise their reputation for their jobs. sometimes you hated being rich and just want to be born in a normal life.

you hated lee heeseung with all of your guts because how cocky he is as an individual. with being born with a silver spoon, he doesn’t shut up with his mouth and likes to irritate you because he’s ‘always right’. if someone doesn’t like his idea, he would immediately fire him.

in the evening of 7:00pm, heeseung’s mother arranged dinner for the both of you just to spend more time as a husband and wife.

“you’re gonna have to eat the pasta one way or another.”

you rolled your eyes at your husband’s words. “you could’ve said no to your mother’s request. i know you dont wanna be here either.” you shrugged.

you looked at heeseung as he wears a hardened expression at the mention of earlier.

“it’s my mother, i can’t just say no to her.”

you scoffed at his words. you find it ironic how he doesn’t say no to his mom but says no to his wife.

when you walked into your bedroom, there was a tuxedo and a matching dress on the bed. you sighed. you admit that it’s a beautiful piece, you just felt like it didn’t belong onto your body.

“oh but when i have a say in something, you say no?” you tilted your head to the side, acting confused towards heeseung who seemed bothered with your words. “what a reliable and caring husband to have.” you sarcastically spitted.

“i am considerate with your words. you’re just making reckless decisions and not understanding my perspective.” heeseung’s fist curled up on his lap. you noticed how intense he was staring at you but you didn’t falter.

“your perspective? all i’m saying that as your wife, i should have the privilege to work alongside with you!”

“maybe if you think before speaking you probably would!”

there was nothing but tension as you eyed heeseung without flinching. you became quiet as you realized that you’re in a public environment. it would be pointless to argue here.

heeseung mentioned earlier on how you talked back to his employees and rejected their ideas to make your own ideas stand out to the lee family. you can’t blame yourself, you were just helping your husband not fall into their tricks and make his branding fall into shambles.

you’re well aware of his reputation among his workers. he’s not very well liked because of his attitude. although you felt a bit bad for the bad mouthing, you also agreed on some of their pointers but you kept your mouth shut.

“i was just helping..” you rolled your eyes, leaning back to your chair with your arms crossed and your mouth pouting as you speak.

“look y/n i know-”

“whatever,” you interrupted his words. you didn’t want to hear what he was gonna say.

you stood up after you pulled your purse to your shoulder. “i’m going to the restroom.” you didn’t look at heeseung’s eyes and walked straight to the restroom with your heels clinking away.

heeseung eyed you with the tip of his tongue touching his lip. he took a deep breath in as you shamelessly walked away. he knows how petty you can be during an argument.

however, he can’t help but let his eyes linger your body a bit longer than usually as you disappear from his sight.

as you finished washing your hands and drying them out, you walked outside with your head cooled off.

“y/n.” you turned around only to be shocked from seeing someone very familiar.

“haechan?” you called out softly to make sure it’s the right person you’re looking to.

the male figure smiled upon your calling.

then your heart dropped.

your intuition was correct. your ex is under the same building as you. it’s been two years since you’ve maren haechan especially when you decided to break up with him because he was starting to become violent towards you. as selfish you are, you immediately called it off which obviously pissed haechan off.

“i knew my mind wasn’t playing tricks.” haechan started to take a step closer to you as you were busy staring at haechan at how physically he has changed, making you worried.

you cursed at whoever made the hallway from the dining area to the restroom so far.

“how are you y/n?” you shivered at the way he said your name. with much venom. you hated the way that he’s smirking at you when he saw that you became frozen.

you gulped. your eyes trailed to the floor in front of you so you try to walk as fast as you can without your heartbeat dropping to the floor.

flashbacks from your relationship occurred in your head. thoughts of haechan hitting and verbally abusing you made your body be in cold sweat.

before you can take two more steps, you felt your wrist being tugged forcefully. as your body instinctively turned around, it all went too fast when your head was pounded to the concrete wall and a hand choked around your neck, making you cough and gasp for air.

you became dizzy as the pain began to consume your head. you lowered your head, trying to redeem consciousness as you kept your hand on haechan’s grip whom never wants to let go.

“you bastard!”

then hand from your neck disappeared. your body slowly slide down to the wooden floor as you heard multiple gasps around you.

you try to look across at what was happening and you were too shocked to process your husband currently beating the living shit out of your ex.

“don’t fucking touch my wife like that you hear me!?” you heard heeseung’s voice being laced with nothing but anger and viciousness as his body was on topped of haechan, gripping his collar and eyeing him with every death stare. “you deserve to go to jail, you fucker!” you heard another groan from haechan

you noticed a bit of blood on the corner of haechan’s lips before coughing on air.

a staff came up to you, giving you their immediate attention. “are you okay?” they asked gently as you nodded continuously. “yes..” you breathe out.

“y/n-“ heeseung’s hands softly gripped your jaw, making you turn to him. you can obviously hear how worried he sounded and how angry he looked. “are you okay? what did that fucker do to you?” heeseung stared at the redness of your neck, indicating how rough haechan was to you.

“i’m sorry..” you whispered, trying to look up at him but you eyes kept closing because of the pain. “i’m sorry about earlier..” you whimpered when heeseung gently pressed on the spot that your head was badly hit in.

although you may have hate heeseung’s guts but he’s the only person who understands your struggles with being born as a silver spoon. sometimes both you go have deep conversations late at night alone in your bedroom, whether he talks first or you.

“no shut up, don’t mention about that right now.” you can hear the irritation of his voice that always never fails to make you giggle.

“we’re going home and i’m making that jerk rot in hell.” compared to heeseung’s harsh words, his hold on you was very gentle and delicate. his hand was holding your waist as his other hand was around your head, making sure that he doesn’t touch the injured area. your heart was beating fast because everything happened too fast - seeing your ex for the first time in 2 years and heeseung being in your arms in less than a minute.

“you’re cute when you’re mad.” you suddenly confessed as you dug your head to his chest in order to not look at haechan being escorted away from the staff. heeseung noticed as he kept your body close to his. you didn’t say anything, and he knew. he just silently lets you do what he wants and it makes your heart flutter whenever he does this to you.

with heeseung’s brave soul, he continued to stare at haechan until he’s out of his sight. you slowly fell asleep in heeseung’s warm arms protecting your figure until the ambulance arrives.

“don’t worry y/n, i’m here with you.” were the last words that you heard before falling asleep in his arms.

hope you enjoyed<3 MERRY CHRISTMAS <33

[nohoney]

thinking abt being out at a bar or party and texting us!touya that someone is hitting on you and he pulls up 😵‍💫

omg omgヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

warnings: drug use (cocaine), reader is slightly drunk, rough sex that’s a little dubcon, lil bit of choking, kinda exhibitionism

It’s loud inside the bathroom with so many girls crowding and waiting in line to use the next available stall. There’s three tasks at hand you need to do while you occupy a stall; pee first, do a bump of coke, and text Touya.

A third of those tasks are completed, flushing the toilet and pulling your panties back up before smoothing your little dress back in its place. Hand sanitizer is spritzed onto your hands but you know it’s not a substitute for actually washing up. You just need your hands to be as clean as they can be as you unzip the little pocket inside your purse for the little baggy. You dig your keys out as well, using the tip of Touya’s house key to dip into the bag. For just a second, you hesitate over the amount you’ve pulled up from the bag.

There’s already plenty in your system that you’ve been taking over the last few hours.

Maybe that’s too much…

You lean down anyway and inhale the bump quickly into your nostril, repeating the process on the other side.

There’s only one last thing to do.

“You done in there?! I heard you flush!” the person on the other side bangs on the stall door.

“Gimme a minute! I’m changing a tampon!” you yell back even though it’s a lie. It’s not like they’d be able to hear you actually pull one out to verify; it’s way too loud. You do intend to be quick though as you pull out your phone to quickly text Touya.

Aw fuck, your hands are a little sweaty. Maybe you are little bit more anxious than you had led yourself to believe.

[23:07] pls come get me, i dont feel like being here anymore

You shove your phone into your purse and undo the latch for the stall. You step out and two girls step in together, slamming the door shut. Either they both really need to pee or they’re also sniffing a little something together in there. It doesn’t quite matter anymore since you had your turn.

Only cold water dispenses from the faucet as you lather soap into your hands. Glancing up at the mirror, you peek up at your reflection and sigh quietly when you see the pupils of your eyes slightly bigger than they’re supposed to be. It doesn’t look discreet as you inspect your own nose and make sure that there’s no evidence of what you just sniffed. The bathrooms seems to get louder as more girls enter but thankfully your business is done and you make your exit.

You manage to find your friends in the same spot, thankful that you don’t have to go searching all around for them. Touching the shoulder of one of them, you manage to get their attention but you lean in close to tell them that you’re gonna be leaving. “You leaving? You’re sure? When?”

Pulling your phone out of your purse, Touya had already texted back that he’d be in the area in about fifteen minutes. You wish it would be sooner but it’s not a terribly long time to wait. It is a long enough time for you to be convinced to have two more shots—for the road, you know?

You blink a few times, alcohol resting in your stomach and warming your bloodstream and needing to take an audible breath before you speak, “‘Kay, I’m leaving now. He’ll be here in like… soon.” you’re disorganized as you speak, aware that you didn’t say a proper sentence, “You have fun, okay?”

One friend is willing to part to walk you out to the lot. Your arms are looped together with them and it feels like a whole different world as you step out of the loud bar into the quiet parking lot. “You can go back inside, it’ll only be a minute until he comes.”

It’s a small back and forth, but your friend bids you goodbye to walk back into the bar after you promise that you’ll text them when you’re back home. Really you just wanted the space to dig and do another bump of coke on your own and didn’t feel like offering to share.

“Mm… good.” you mutter to yourself as you carefully zip up the small baggy and shove everything back into your purse.

“Yeah, it’s good? You feel any better?”

You jump as you look behind you to see a single guy having approached you. Admittedly, he’s quite cute and he’s dressed stylishly but you keep a guard up around him. You make some noncommittal noise and nod your head, crossing your arms over your chest and dig the heel of your shoe into the gravel.

The guy circled around and makes you wary, sitting on the hood of a car and making himself comfortable. You can’t help but make a face, thinking it’s obnoxious of him to sit on someone’s car as if he owns it. He seems to read your mind, fishing out keys from his pocket and pressed the button from his keys. The car briefly lights up and clicks audibly.

“It’s a little cold out here to wait for an Uber. You wanna get in? I can turn on the heater.”

No, of course not.

For some reason you have a hard time finding your voice, only making a disagreeing hum and shaking your head. Your arms cross a little tighter over your chest and you take a small step back.

“No? I’m being a gentleman, I swear. I think it’s kinda fucked that your friend left you out here to go back inside. But then again, if they hadn’t left you then I wouldn’t have been able to come up to you.”

You only sent them away so that you could have some privacy to snort some coke. Now you wish you hadn’t done that, or maybe you wish that you hadn’t been convinced to have those two exiting shots before leaving the bar so that you would be more aware.

“You look like you could use a little more of your stuff. Tell you what, I’ll do one with you. Facilitate a little connection, yeah?”

Is that why that guy is here? Just to bum a line off of you?

“The prettiest girls I know always have the best coke.”

Asshole.

“Doll!”

You jump in your spot, looking left and right quickly before turning around to see Touya walking briskly in your direction. Relief has you relaxing your body as he walks forward to you, although his expression also tells you that he’s kind of pissed. “I thought you were waiting at the front, I was holding up traffic looking for you at the entrance.”

“Sorry, sorry…” you finally manage to speak and face towards him, “I just didn’t want to be with all those people anymore.”

Touya glances up to the guy sitting on his car, making a face at him. He’s already bristling over the presence of another man nearby you. “And you are?”

“Just keeping her company, that’s all.”

“Well your company isn’t needed anymore, fuck off.”

Your head snaps up at your boyfriend for speaking rudely, but there is a part of you that’s relieved that Touya is sending them off with no kindness either. All you want is to curl up now under a blanket and just wait for sleep to come to you.

“Sure, no problem. Good to see that my friend is gonna get home safe.” The guy stands up on his feet, sure to lock his car first before walking off. The asshole has the nerve to wink at you as he walks away. And of course Touya noticed because the way he grips his hand around your arm is none too nice.

When the two of you are sure that he’s gone, Touya drags you off in the direction of where he had parked. You trip over your feet twice but manage to keep up with him, more than relieved when you see his car and actually managing to pick up your feet to get to the passenger seat.

“Backseat, now.”

Your eyes widen a little as you glance up at him but nod your head. You bend down a little and pull the lever to push the passenger seat forward, giving you ample room to climb into the backseat. Managing to shut the car door, you sit back against the cushion as Touya enters from his side of the car but startled with how much force he used to shut his door.

Touya joins you in the back seat, grabbing your hips and dragging you to lay horizontally on the backseat cushions. It’s a little bothersome to be handled so roughly, especially since you’re still drunk and your head is swimming a little from the motions. The moan you let out isn’t one of pleasure, your hands coming up to press your palms against your forehead to try to soothe you. But Touya’s hand goes under your dress, his fingers roughly tugging your panties down and grunting over how your legs just fall limp instead of keeping them open.

“I’m trying to take these off,” Touya growls before reaching to cup your jaw along his hand, “fucking help me over here.”

“Can’t it wait until we get home?” You whine but you know that there isn’t really a choice in the matter here. Your eye lids droop down, your eyes feeling tired and wanting to just shut even though your brain isn’t ready for rest any time soon. So you gather what little energy you have, your hands helping in bunching up the skirt of your dress and pull it up.

Touya slides your panties off and shoves your purse to the floor of the car, the contents rattling inside and the baggy sliding out. Just from seeing it alone, you’re perked up and you point to it. “Do one with me.”

“Fuck, yeah hand it to me.”

Managing to grab the bag off the floor, you’re careful to open it and hold it out to Touya as you sit up. “Got your key? ‘M too lazy to grab mine out of my bag.”

He lifts his shirt and grabs the pocketknife that’s clipped inside his pocket. Wordlessly he flicks the blade out and dips the tip of it into the baggy. You honestly hate it when he just whips out the knife without telling you first, it scares you every single time. There’s no complaint from you as he offers the first bump by holding out the knife towards you before doing himself. The knife is put away but he dips the tip of his finger along the inside of the bag.

He rubs the pad of his thumb along your lip slowly, intimately. The little exhale that leaves his chest has you sitting up a little straighter. When your tongue peaks out a little to lick at his finger, the bitterness of the coke also has you sighing. It’s not pleasant, but the numbing is a welcome sensation on your lips.

His hand grasps at your neck and his fingers pressing into the sides. “I don’t like seeing you around other guys, you fucking know that.”

“Careful,” you gasp out, “the bag.”

It’s still held in your hands but Touya just tosses it back to where your purse lays. You hope that it was closed properly and that none of it spilled onto the car floor.

“Something happen between you two? Hm? Being all buddy while you were out?”

You manage to shake your head with what little movement you could manage, cocaine once again flooding your bloodstream and awakening you. Your eyes are a touch wider and your heart races a little faster, you bite your bottom lip and savor the numbness from the coke your boyfriend had rubbed into your plush lips.

Touya hand slides to the back of your neck, his fingers massaging for just a few seconds before grabbing a handful of hair and pulling your head back. You gasp out in surprise, your eyes fluttering when he leans in bites at your neck hard. It doesn’t sting in a good way but you know it’s because he’s mad over how he found you. He’s insanely jealous and only tolerates one other man to be near you.

He lays you back down onto the cushions of the backseat, this time using the grip has on the back of your head to turn you to kiss him. The air between you two is getting warm and if things progress further, it’ll fog up the car. You pant anxiously, slightly frightened for people to pass by or worse— a cop.

There’s no care from the other party, not from Touya as he suffocates you in a kiss and desperately tries to undo his belt and zipper with one hand. Your own hands slide up along his back and you try to comfortably widen your legs as much as you can in the small space. It’s a little awkward but the need for one another right now trumps the choice of just waiting until you get back home.

“Fucking spit, spit onto my hand.”

It’s not exactly elegant the way he cups his palm just underneath your lips, and it’s certainly not sexy the way you spit and some of it slicks against your chin. It’s a frantic and needy moment that needs to be dealt with on the spot. He tells you to spit again, needs just a bit more to smear on his cock so that he doesn’t hurt you too bad. Your tongue lolls out and licks off your bottom lip of the spit that didn’t quite catch onto his palm.

You can still taste the coke on your bottom lip.

The head of his cock bumps against your cunt, slightly slick but not quite as wet as the two of you would like. It has to do for now, and you grit your teeth a little as Touya pushes the tip in. It stings but it’s nothing that you haven’t done before. Before Keigo, he’d hissed over how tight you always were when he’d first get in and then fuck you open. After Keigo, he’s gotten a little spoiled by not having to do as much work anymore because he enjoyed sliding in you after your other boyfriend had already made you slick and ready for him.

The small little hiss you let out is gone after a few seconds, your eyes rolling back a little as your legs are pushed to your chest. Your cunt is fluttering around him, the delicate skin stretched to allow him inside and you’re choking out his name.

“T-Touya, Touya!” You’re whimpering for him, your eyes briefly glancing to the window above you and seeing the moisture trapped inside the car. It’s going to reek of sex in his car.

“Oh fuck, you’re turned on huh? Your little cunt squeezed around me.” Touya laughs a little and tries to adjust himself, hating the small space of his car but just needing to make it work. He had to make do because he needs you now.

He fucks quick, the jingling of his belt moving along with his momentum. The air is warm and starts to feel sticky, your sounds are stifled and he’s gritting his teeth as he tries to fuck fast and be out of the area. Between breathless moans, he hears you bed, “Choke me, choke me please!”

Touya can’t fuck you properly, not like this in this annoyingly small space, but he just needs this quick fuck to help him feel better. He needs to hear your struggling gasps as he chokes you, a little rough as a small punishment for not waiting at the front of the bar with other people. He needs you to cum first so that he can fill you up.

Your mind buzzes, completely awake now not just from the drugs but from desperate and frantic fucking you’re being given. A small part of your mind thinks is the coke bag spilled or not, wondering if you could ask Touya to smear more of it along your inner lip this time. You want to be high on three things; the coke, the fucking, and from Touya.

You’ll have to settle for two at the moment, which is also fine with you.

“Your cock…” you brokenly whisper, grasping at his hand and slightly tugging it off, “your cock Touya, love your cock!”

He laughs a little and flashes you a lovesick smile. A drop of sweat drips along his brow, sliding along his skin to his cheek. It’s disgustingly sweaty and hot inside the car, but now the two of you are so intoxicated from one another that it’s not a bother anymore. Who cares, who cares!

“I know you fucking do, cockslut.” Touya chuckles, “Always fucking drooling to get dick inside of you. Bet ya when we’re done here, you’ll be bouncing on Keigo as soon as we’re home!”

The thought of Keigo pressing your head to the mattress while he fucks you from behind has you giggling, exhilarated at the thought of your other boyfriend also shaming you for being so hungry to get fucked all the time. It makes you cum on the cock that’s fucking you but you’re not exhausted from your own orgasm. You’re eagerly nodding your head and reach your hand forward to grab at Touya’s shirt and pull him towards you. It’s damp with sweat which would normally disgust you, but you hardly notice as you beg, “Fuck me, fuck me! Want you to cum in me and then watch Kei fuck me afterwards!”

Touya fucks franticly now, sloppy and urgent now that he’s excited at what’s waiting at home for him.

“Fill me, fill me with your cum please!”

How could he deny his sweet princess?

Without a warning, he slaps your cheek and chokes you to reach that finish line. His muscles are straining and his neck is uncomfortable being conscious to not get too rowdy so that he doesn’t bump his head along the car’s ceiling. The tensions snaps in him, cum flooding into your pussy and he notices that he’s shaking a little.

Yeah… that was a good fuck.

The two of you lazily kiss in the backseat for a little to calm each other down, but it’s getting late and Keigo is expecting them at home soon. No doubt he’s probably texted where you’re at.

You’re sitting in the passenger seat and shifting a little as cum leaks into your panties. It’s not pleasant but you don’t want to mess up the car seat. It’s a relief to have the windows rolled down, airing out the car that reeked of sex not too long ago. Touya navigates his way through the parking lot to find the exit but stops in front of the car of that guy who seemed to want to bum coke off of you.

“Touya?” you call to him when he exits the car and approaches the side of it. He briefly surveys the lot and deems it clear, flicking out the knife again but this time using the knife to slash the tire of the vehicle.

“Touya! What the fuck?!”

He slashes open two tires before getting back into the car and driving off.

“Was that really necessary? What if that guy finds out that it was you? There could be cameras to identify you!”

Touya waves his hand dismissively at you before setting his hand on your knee. “If I thought that there’s anyway I could be caught, I wouldn’t have fucked you in that lot and fucked that asshole’s tires up. He can suspect it’s me all he wants but it’s not like he’ll be able to find me so easily.”

“And what if he does? What if he presses charges?”

It’s another one of those times when he looks at you and you just shut up. He’s clearly gotten away scot free before and you don’t know how, but he decides how he wants to handle it and it’s not your business.

“There she is! Did you have fun, baby bird?” Keigo greets you immediately when you walk through the door. His embrace has you relaxing, his hand petting your back and also dropping a kiss has you smiling. “You guys fucked, huh? And you forgot to pick up takeout for me.”

“Ah shit,” Touya tuts as he drops his wallet onto the kitchen countertop and hangs his keys on the wall hooks, “fucking forgot. I’ll make it up to you after she gets cleaned up.”

Keigo playfully smacks your ass and starts to push you towards the bathroom, “You better. We’ll be taking a bath while you make my food.”

“But… but I thought…” you pout over at Touya, “I wanna… y’know.”

“She wants me to watch while you fuck her.”

He says it so easily and even though it’s a regular occurrence between the three of you, you squeal his name in embarrassment. But he promises you that he’ll be there shortly, turning away to rest his hand along his hard on and hiding the giddy smile on his face.

[chaifootsteps]

tbh one thing i liked about the instas that i dont think the series will bring back is him wearing casual clothes outside of work. the concept of a gay male sinner from the 1940s embracing modern day fashion from the current era because of how cute it is without anyone caring because its hell, (with the implication he mightve been doing this for decades beforehand before he came to the hotel,) is just really cool concept to me :3 it gave him a fashion identity outside of his sex work (something the show really doesnt do at all,) and it let him explore a more cutesty side to his character, but in a really natural way! i also just liked it because most of the sinners we saw tended to stick to dressing from their era, which made angel stand out more.

but this isnt present at all in the series, and even weirder, the one time he has a chance to put on pajamas in episode 2 like the girls have, where hes alone in his room with fat nuggets, he doesnt. maybe we wouldve had time for that if there wasn't a joke dedicated to showing how tone deaf and christian charlies morals are for the bisexual daughter of lucifer morningstar.

all the clothes he wears, there's more of a focus of his outfits from posion rather then anywhere else. i hardly see as much fanart of that stupid ugly ripped finale suit, as much as i see fanart of the latex suit angel wears while singing about being unable to help swallowing poison. either that, or the outfit he wears while dancing with val. love the fluffy spider butt, but cmon. we can get an angel dust design thats more spider in a natural way, but we can't see him wear casual clothes when he isnt working? or even see him in a full suit? (i really miss the purple suit from the instas, no stupid pink stripes, full suit for both arms, and his boobs were out w his tie instead of being hidden away like they are in the finale, which was perfect for his character </3)

him wearing clothes separate to his identity as a pornstar also helped him reclaim some of his freedom under his contract, obviously being unable to choose what val makes him wear on set. that's what angel dusts actions reflected in the instas and the comics too. (the "work shit" box comes to mind, i hate that borderline on screen rape is fine for an amazon funded show, but a box of dildos is too much,) even the addict mv shows this, with angel wearing just a pink sweater and some purple shorts when laying with cherri. or even just the casual, but cute outfit he wears when he blows up that club with her.

its just one of the few things that made him feel human, especially when fashion is bound to change in so many ways when youve been in hell for 77 years like he has. this part of his character being missing (along with the implication he even has a life outside of his work in the series; pilot ad was coping with work with hard drugs, being an teasing asshole as a defensive mechanism, getting into turf wars and murdering mafia goons. but still dresses cute and gets to be cute w his friends in his own time! series ad is coping by self destructing and letting people drug and fuck him so he'll be "broken" but then gets better by going out once after being waterboarded at work, only to not relax and be a mom to a joke character at a club called fucking consent,) is one of the reasons im still bitter about the instas being nuked. but not the only reason.

viv will always takes the credit for them anyway, no matter if she feels they do or not, because her fanbase isn't smart enough to realize someone else wrote these stories they still love. even if theyll be the first one to remind you they arent canon, because the creator said they arent. but my honest to god confession is that sometimes the instagrams feel more like the canon hazbin hotel to me, even months after s1 dropped, simply due to the nuance and detail it has compared to the actual series. it wasnt perfect, but you could tell there was passion there- passion that now, only the leads are allowed to put in hazbin so their favorite character can get more screentime and attention.

Thank you, Anon, for this absolutely beautiful writeup. It was true, seeing the difference between the outfits Val forced him into versus the outfits he chose to wear on his own time was one of the most interesting aspects of Instagram Angel Dust. It was a more safe-for-work extension of the "work shit" dildoes that didn't make it to Amazon Prime (while his graphic on-screen gang rape did) and it was powerful.

Of course, there are practical logistical reasons why cartoon characters wear the same outfit, but if only one character in HH was going to have a big wardrobe, it absolutely should have been Angel. But of course it wasn't, because as far as Viv and Raph were concerned, the only Angel outfits that mattered were the ones that fed into their shared fetish.

[possumteeths]

One thing about veilguard that bums me out is that this is the very first bioware game that I dont feel any desire to play again. All of the decisions made in the game either dont matter or are made for you so there’s no wondering like “what wouldve happened if I did this instead of that?” There’s so many moments in the game where it felt as if I should really debate what option to pick, only to realize through playing more that decisions really don’t matter. So all decisions made in later stages of the game just kinda feel meaningless.

Everything is set up so one dimensionally that the replay value is unfortunately very low. Theres very few ways to play things differently. I was incredibly disappointed that you do not have the option to kill Lucanis’s shitty cousin. You dont even get any option at ALL over what to do with him. It doesnt matter what you do with the bald warden dude, it doesnt matter whether or not you chose to kill that rando mayor… and the list goes on.

I used replay bioware games just to get different DIALOGUE! This game had very little in terms of meaningful dialogue! Much of the dialogue between characters feels so flat or unrelated to the plot. Character conflict is extremely forced so replaying the game wouldn’t necessarily give you anything new to chew on. Its frustrating that Rook is designated as the group’s therapist, but is often completely sidelined by everyone and everything going on! I romanced Lucanis and he still was hella flirting with Neve which made the romance route feel like a complete afterthought.

Approval ratings dont matter at all, theres genuinely nothing that changes besides your own insight to the different characters worldviews. If someone disliked something, you dont get different dialogue or attitude or nuffin! What does hardening even do in DAV? Neve or Lucanis being hardened has no impact on anything at all besides some rando skill buffs. I thought maybe Harding or Davrin’s endgame sacrifice wouldve meant something more if you had some way of hardening them.

It felt just kind of random to kill off one of your companions in the endgame. Especially when you’ve played through the entire game making choices that were ultimately meaningless. The choice of who dies in the endgame feels just as meaningless as everything else because you the player have spent the entire game realizing that approval ratings dont matter, plot choices dont matter, characterization choices dont matter etc. So if they want to do something as heavy hitting as killing off a main character, wouldnt it have made more sense to build it up in a way that there would be SOME emotional impact? If you were able to harden Davrin or Harding, then killing them wouldve hit harder dang it! Killing off characters feels just cheap when youre overly aware that nothing matters.

No matter your choices in this game, its still going to play the exact same every time with very little deviation. Its almost like playing a telltale game or something. The plot is pathed out for you, your choices are superfluous, your romance options are as noteworthy as skyrim’s “put on a necklace, okie doke now you’re married.”

The game itself isnt bad, but it reminds me of a mass market paperback book. The kinds that come out monthly. You know exactly what the plot is gonna be, you know there’s gonna be a cast of characters, you know theres gonna be bad guys and good guys.., and then you finish the book thinking “Yup that was ok!” Then you shelve it and never look at it again because its one amongst 17492820102 others in the genre. To use another metaphor, this game is buttered toast, it feels like something youve had before, its familiar, it tastes good… but thats it. Its just bread and butter, and theres no sense dressing it up or toasting the bread more or less because at the end of the day… its still toast.

[an-orca-on-a-stroll]

Severance season 2 ep1 thoughts/theories under the cut

(long post!)

Ok FIRST of all whomst the fuck is this creepy guy we see in the background after Mark goes to Wellness in the beginning of the episode???

2. The italian guy is played by an actual italian actor, and him saying "Why's he standing weird?" when Mark comes in the office first time was so unexpected lmfao

3. I'm 100% conviced everything Milchick told Mark is bullshit. "It's been 5 months"? then why does it look like he just moved into Cobel's office? Who's been managing the severed floor in the meantime?

This newspaper is obviously fake as fuck

The photo is in black and white and the cars are old models, this is in line with Lumon's habit of only exposing innies to dated technology. Now lets zoom in a bit shall we

"Mark S, Helly R, Irving B, and Dylan G, the very famous “Innies” (…) All four of them gave speeches, praising the “courageous” acts of their Innies and thanking Lumon for its accomodations." -> If the outies gave the speech, then why are they dressed as their innies? Plus look at Mark smiling. Dude would not be smiling. He didn't smile before, and he's not going to have anything to smile about now, we saw him in the trailer and he was a mess.

4. They're trying to pin everything on Cobel, make it seem like SHE was the sadist and deviant (and she was, but god forbid women have hobbies. also the "throuple" things was hilarious and holds so many implications?? dating someone's innie and outie at the same time is a throuple??? lmfao) that did all that while Lumon only wants the best for its employees. Milchick is lying making it seem like the MDR gang changed things significantly with their going on the outside. But IMO it hasn't been 5 months, and we dont know exactly how the outside is taking the news but it definitely is not as black & white as "these innies are heroes and everybody loves them". In the meantime Milchick is trying to appease them by offering more perks, snacks, etc. and by pretending he's the good guy that doesn't want to be their jailer.

Not buying it Seth, I know what you said in the trailer:

5. He's also lying about outie Mark begging to go back to Lumon.

Really, Seth? Looks the other way around to me.

6. There is no way in hell there are no more cameras on the severed floor

This is immediately after being shown the video with their conversations and VOICE RECORDING taken from the security cameras. Without their consent. Like be for fucking real right now.

7. This part of why the others weren't present, and what comes after is really strange and can't form an opinion on it

Let's think about it. Would Dylan refuse? his innie didn't go to the outside to make trouble. He doesn't seem to suspect anything about Lumon either, at most he saw what Helly said on tv but like, for him that day was just a regular day except maybe that he came back from work later. Would he be so adamant about quitting his job after just that? Seems kinda strange.

Irving obviously has something going on with Lumon. The paintings of the elevator, plus the fact he has a list of Lumon's severed employees in his home for some reason? He's definitely digging into Lumon. Obsessed as he is, I doubt he would quit.

Helly actually makes sense that she would not come back bc for starters she doesn't want to be there, and after how much damage she's done I doubt Helena would let her return, but we have that whole theory about Helly being Helena in this ep so....yeah

Anyway it's all very strange. Mark comes back alone and Milchick tells him it's because the others quit (or we fired them and arent telling you), sorry! Then Mark has a tantrum because he wants his friends back and suddenly they ARE back? Like the next day? Or IS IT the next day?

8. Which brings me to the next point, the time Mark goes in the elevator after his transgression and apparent firing is really, really weird. Instead of the normal transition of him changing his expression as he becomes his outie, and then changing back as he goes down the elevator again, we get a BLACK elevator and a BLACK screen

You know what other elevator is black??

I think he stayed in the testing floor at least until the end of the day, possibly more, and they fucked with his perception to make him think he went back up. Also, in that scene we don't see the arrow on the elevator

As far as we know, the elevator for the regular entrance could also go to the testing floor, not just the black elevator. And maybe the arrow on it changes depending on if it goes up or down.

As for the others from team MDR, they might've been in the testing floors too during the work day, possibly without their outies knowing, who knows. I don't think they'd be there permanently like Gemma, not after their publicity at the Lumon event in which there were their photos, and Helly's speech at said event. But this is just a theory, I don't think there is enough material to fully support it, except for Mark.

9. The whole video segment. What the fuck. Taking their rebellion and making it part of the narrative for the oppression?? Including their private moments and other things taken completely out of context with recordings of their own voices?? Truly dystopian evil shit. Loved the stop motion animation though, gotta hand it to Lumon. Also is that Keanu Reeves's voicing the building???

10. Is Helly really Helly or is she actually Helena? Hard to say at this stage but I'm leaning more on her being Helena. She's just acting weird. The lying first of all; on one hand, it's been a hot minute since everything happened so lying might be just a first instinctual reaction, like denial. But on the other hand, at the event she still spoke out against her outie and denounced the whole company in front of everybody. Why would she be ashamed of her hatred for her outie and Lumon now?

Irving clocked in on her immediately lol. I think he figured it out so he doesn't want to tell the others what he did on the outside while she's there. Also the way "Helly" looks at Irving and says "...Yeah" to the question before this is very sus to me, can't explain it with just screenshots though.

Plus it's just the way she acts in general. Very subdued, less sassy, trying too hard to be sympathetic with Mark and the others, feels forced. There's that scene in the trailer of Helena "studying" the security camera footage of her innie, possibly to learn how to act like her. She's looking at Helly kissing Mark, and then in ep1, she offers her support to Mark to find Gemma etc... I'm not saying Helly wouldn't help Mark, but the way she tells him gives me strange vibes, and it's also strange that she decides to stay at all just for him.

11. Irving man. Just. Holy shit 😭

Also Dylan and Irving friendship!!!!!!!!!!! Screaming crying throwing up etc. Not gonna expand on this or this post would go on forever but man the actors really gave an outstanding performance. What a scene

12. Finally the big reveal of what kind of data the Macrodata Refinement boys are refining

BROOOOOOO i was. not expecting that holy fuck. So they've been "refining" the data on like. the brain? of the other severed employees through their chip? They're sorting it into bins then what? They're deleting memories? Locking them up, or sorting them between stuff they're supposed to remember as innies vs what they should forget??? Is that why the numbers are scary??? Even if that's why, how do they know the numbers are scary? Also, there is a time limit on files, right. What happens to the person associated with the file, when they don't refine it to 100% within the limit? Is this for like, every new severed employee, or just the ones on the testing floor? So many questions holy shit

Anyway thats enough rambling for this ep, I really hope in the next one we see the outies so we get some clarity on what's going on. But man what a start

[ribread03]

pool day. bsf!Nick(platonic) x reader x crush!Matt PT.2

warnings: Smut, fluff, teasing, Head m receiving, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap)

AN: Finally getting around to writing part 2 of this. Also Im doing this rather than writing an essay for my English class lol.

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He suddenly pulls away looking at your neck. His fingers brush over the spot he was just attacking with his mouth. "Hope you have some make up with you" He says as he turns around and leaves you there on the counter, alone, after he built up all that tension.

Getting off of the counter you change and walk up to Nick's room to say bye to him. "Bye Nick, I really need to go. Thanks for the bathing suit again." You say before you hug him and head out to your car.

When you reach your car you remember about the deep red, and purple marks on your neck. You are really hoping Nick didn't notice them, but it's Nick so he probably did. Slapping yourself in the face you back out of their drive way.

~~

Walking into your house you drop your bag and head straight to your bathroom. Turning the shower on, -the water being a thousand degrees-. Stepping into the shower you relaxed into the hot water. Grabbing your phone you open the music app and turn on your shower playlist.

About 5 minutes go by and you get a text from Nick. "Shit" you say out loud. You open it not really know what to expect. When you open it you see a photo of Matt but its from far away. Along with the photo is a text that says "This dude has not stopped talking for the past 2 hours. Wanna tell me anything?"

Stepping out of the shower and texting him back you don't really know what to say because you cant tell Nick that his brother gave you hickeys in the bathroom, and was praising you about the way you looked in the bathing suit that Nick got you. So you just reply with a simple "I don't know why he is like that. Idk why you are asking me?"

"I DONT KNOW Y/N. MAYBE BECAUSE YOU WALKED INTO MY ROOM WITH HICKEYS WHEN YOU CAME TO SAY BYE! GIRL AND YOU WHERE ALL FLUSHED TOO..." Nick quickly responds to your lame excuse for a lie. "and after you left I came down stairs to see Matt talking to Chris and you'll be happy to know it was about you."

Walking into your room now blushing from embarrassment and the fact that Matt was talking about me, I try to come up with a good reply to send Nick but I really can't think of any before another text pops up on my phone. It's Chris, the message is not what you expected "Matt only seems to be talking about you btw, and he's really blushing... what did you do with my brother y/n?"

Not know what to say to either of the brothers you decide to tell them some. How Matt said that you looked good in the bikini that Nick gave to you and that you should like it because it made your body look good. But you didn't tell them how he gave you the hickeys and how he left you sexually frustrated and having to deal with it on your own in the shower before they wanted to start blowing up your phone.

Nick is now blowing up your phone even more than before. Asking you to tell him everything because he knows who gave you the hickeys. "Tell me everything y/n! But not to much... that's still my brother you're talking about." So I go on to tell him everything, still in my towel.

~~

Now you are fully dressed, between texting them and trying to get dressed you've lost track of how this even all happened. Deciding to text Matt to ask him what the fuck just happened, your phone pings in your hand. Rolling your eyes you open the text and smile a little when you see it is from Matt. "Im coming over, be there in 5." You didn't expect him to be this up front and out of no where with this type of text.

"Ok.. front door is unlocked just come in." You text him back. Now you're rushing around your house to straighten it up, first your living room, then your room and bathroom. Running around your house going from room to room. Changing into your nice pajamas you go to the kitchen to get a snack. Then you hear the door open. Thinking to yourself that 5 minutes went by really quick.

"y/n?" you hear Matt say from the door.

"In the kitchen!" You say loud enough for him to hear but making sure to yell.

You hear Matt start to walk over to you. Feeling his presence behind you, you turn around to face him now. "Hey." He's standing over top of you, close enough to you to feel the heat coming through his clothes onto your body.

You can feel the tension building "Hi" You say just above a whisper. Not wanting to ruin this little moment

"What are you making?" He questions.

"I was just getting a snack before I headed back to my room to watch a movie, but you text me so I didn't go back to my room." You slightly ramble trying to make up and excuse to figure out why he is here.

"Sorry, I can leave if you had plans to do something." He pauses for a moment. "They were just really starting to get on my nerves." Referring to his brothers makes you think back to the text messages you were getting not even 45 minutes ago.

"Matt, you can stay." You say stopping him before he starts to ramble on.

"You sure?" He ask just trying to be nice but now you feel like this conversation is started in drag on.

Taking Matt's hand you lead him to your room. Going to your bed you flop down with the bag of chips in your hand. Matt is now looking at you standing 5 feet away from the bed. Patting the spot next to you inviting Matt to come and sit, he does.

"What movie you wanna watch?" Trying to ignore the throbbing that is going on in-between your legs now.

"Its up to you honestly, whatever movie you planned on watching before I came over." Matt say.

"Oh, ok then." you say a little surprise about what he said because he always wants to pick the movies or he's doesn't really get into them. So putting on your cheesy romance movie you scoot closer to him so he can have some chips as well. Feeling Matt flinch when your thighs meet sends tingles up your back for some reason.

~~

About 45 minutes into the movie you feel someone looking at you. You know who it is but you still decide you look over at Matt. When you eyes meet he doesn't look away, instead he crashes his lips onto yours. Your eyes go wide for a moment defiantly not expecting him to kiss you like that. Kissing him back your hand finds its way to the back of his neck, pulling lightly on the hair at the base of it.

This makes Matt moan into the kiss, sending shivers down your throat. Taking this as your chance to move so now your straddling him. Feeling is hard on under you, you pull away. "This okay?" You ask before slowly moving your hand down his chest down to his dick. Never breaking eye contact with him as he nods his head yes and pulls his bottom lip in-between his teeth.

Your now palming him through his pants. A moan escapes his lips making you clench around nothings. Watching as his eyebrows push together you slide your whole body down, so now your face is level with his dick. Unbuckling his pants you look up at him asking him for permission with your eyes. He nods yes again. You continue to unclothe his lower half until his dick springs up out of his boxers.

Your eyes get big when you see how big he really is. You have heard rumors about his size but you thought that people were over exaggerating, but you were wrong. Looking back and forth between his eyes and his dick.

His tip is red and leaking pre cum just from you touching him in his pants. Puckering your lips together you let a little drop of saliva fall on his tip. This action making him whimper and head fall back. Slowly bringing your thumb up to the slit you slide the saliva down the length starting to pump him a bit before taking his tip into your mouth.

Matts hands go right to your hair when you fully take him in your mouth gaging a bit when he pushes your head down by mistake. "K-keep go-going." He moans out when you hollow out your cheeks. Humming before you pull off of him. Matt letting out a despite cry when you do this makes you giggle a bit.

"Dont worry Matt, you'll get there." You say before grabbing his hand and bringing it down towards your heat, and where you needed him the most. Moaning when he slightly touches you through your panties.

"Can I touch you y/n?" He ask making sure its ok even tho you moved his hand there.

"Yes Matt, pl-please touch me" your practically begging to have his fingers in you at this point.

With this Matt moves you onto your back so that he is now over top of you. Pulling you panties and tiny shorts down throwing them somewhere on the floor. He brings his fingers to your clit moving them fast making you arch your back and start moaning his name.

You feel Matts finger suddenly insert into you causing you to moan his name. "Ma-matt k-keep going. Pl-please." Begging him to let you cum. His fingers move faster as he is trying to get you to your high.

"There you go. Come on, cum for me y/n" Feeling the coil snap as you cum around his fingers. Moaning nonsense as you come down from your high.

You wanted nothing more for Matt to be inside of you right now. "Matt?" you whisper

"Yeah?" He says in-between kissing your neck.

"Im ready, can we.." You trail off but Matt knows exactly what you mean as he pulls his shirt off and helps you with yours.

"You sure?" He ask again.

"Yes, just please, I need you Matt." begging for him to be inside of you once again.

With this Matt Slowing starts to play with your entrance with his tip. Slowly he starts to slide into you. At first its painful due to the sheer size of him but slowly it turns into pleasure. Once he bottoms out your both whispering messes, feeling his fill you so much. He fills you more than anyone ever has before.

Trying to rock your hips against his he takes this as a sign to start moving. Thrusting into you Matt groans as he starts to move faster. Your hands find his hair and tug lightly. Moaning his name and other nonsense of sounds coming out of your mouth.

Feeling close to a second high you squeeze around him. "Matt, Im close." You manage to get.

"Me to princess."

The word princess is enough to make you cum all over Matt dick. Moaning as he is still pounding into you chasing his own high. The stimulation is becoming to much as you try to pull away, but Matt's strong grip on your waist hold you down onto the bed. "Matt, cum inside of me."

With your word Matt is cumming within seconds. Falling on top of you catching his breath as you catch yours. Lifting his head Matt plants small kisses all over your face. Pulling out of you, you whimper with the loss of him being inside of you.

Once you two have both catch your breath, you finally decide to ask the question that's been killing you since he text you. "Matt? Why did you even come over here in the first place?"

He rolls over to face you. "To be honest y/n.. I really couldn't stop thinking about you, and Nick saw the hickeys and wouldn't stop bothering me about them because we went to the bathroom at the same time."

"I mean, you did give me the hickeys. Hes not wrong about that." you say with a giggle.

Planting a kiss on your lips Matt gets up from the bed and walks over to the bathroom. Coming back out with a damp washcloth in his hand to help clean you up. Smiling to yourself as you watch Matt pick up the clothes and throw them into your dirty clothes bin.

"Can I spend the night with you?"

"Of course Matt."

~~

After a little while you and Matt decide to watch a movie, falling asleep not to far into it. Tangled up in each other's arms, not a care in the world.

~~

Walking up to giggles in your room, you are met with a camera in your face with Nick and Chris behind it. Putting your hand up to block it you roll over and snuggle back into Matt's chest, giving Nick and Chris the finger at the same time.

Matt is awake not even two minutes after you are. Now whisper yelling at his brothers to get out so you can get dressed. This causes them so shout and whistle at Matt as they walk out of the room.

After you and Matt gets changed, Matt walks out of the room to go and talk to his brothers. You have no idea what he is saying to them so you have no choice to sit and wait for him to come back.

About five minutes go by when you hear Chris yelling your name. "YOU AND Y/N!" Now really curious about what is going on you quietly walk out of your room and peep your head around the corner.

You see Matt smiling blushing like crazy, Chris is still shocked at the fact his brother made a move on you, and Nick is sitting there fake gagging while giving his brother a high five for making a move.

You see Matt starting to walk back so you go to turn around and go back into your room like you've been there the whole time. "Where are you going to miss y/n?" You stop in your tracks and turn on your heel.

"No where.." You say with a slight smile which gives away your lie.

Matt grabs your hand pulls you closer to him. "y/n, y/l/n... Will you be my girlfriend?" You gasp at what Matt just said. Wiping your eyes you nod your head yes

"Yes, yes! A million times yes!" you say throwing your arms around his neck and giving him a kiss.

Gagging is coming from the next room. Nick... of course he is gagging at us. Running over and hugging Nick you thank him for the bathing suit that just got you a boyfriend and sex. Gagging in response he hugs you back.

"Hey! I pushed him to go into the bathroom with you..." Chris says feeling left out. You go over to him and whisper in his ear. "Did you also tell him to leave me high and dry in there?" backing away from him he's smiling. Hitting him on the arm "You're such an ass"

You feel hands grab your waist now. You turn around a meet Matt, giving him a quick kiss, and earning a gag from Nick. You say bye to the boys and walk out to the car with them. "Bye, Ill be over tomorrow."

"Okay" Matt says with a cheeky smile, winking at you.

"Bye y/n, see you tomorrow." Both Nick and Chris say at the same time.

Watching Matt pull out of the driveway you smile to yourself, thinking about how lucky you got to have Matt in your life.

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AN pt2: This literally took me so long to write and idky but I hope you like it. This is my first time writing smut so Im not sure how I feel about writing it yet so bare with me.. anyway I hope you liked this. OKAY BYE<3