#like i dint know what to say anymore

[madame-mongoose]

I don't mean to sound mean but man. As I get older the less I can deal with people that constantly self deprecate. Like we all do it. I do it. But when it's to the point that any nice thing someone says to you, you shoot it down and argue about how terrible and unlovable you are. It kinda makes people wanna try to reach out less. Like ig you reached your goal of hurting and isolating yourself :/

[puppetlooselystrung]

this week feels like its been 5 years and jesus fucking christ

[byakuyasdarling]

.

[maraczeks]

newsroom rw thread pt 13

[cowgurrrl]

Keep the Wolves Away

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author's note: Dedicated to my real life Andies. Thank you for making me feel easy to love.

Summary: The worst decision [5.2k]

Warnings: platonic threatening, discussions of bad mental health, so much flirting that (spoiler alert) might be real, possible THE shittiest ex I ever could've written, all the southern pet names, alcohol consumption, the resurgence of an old nude of readers, gaslighty behavior, smoking cigarettes (don't smoke kids), Joel talking reader out of a spiral, two (2) kisses

"So, it's a date." Andie declares once you're done explaining everything to her over FaceTime. You pause your blush application to roll your eyes at her. 

"It's not a date!"

"I'm sorry, so I'm just supposed to believe you when you say you're going to be just friends with the hot, sweet single dad who sounds like he's head over heels for you?"

"He is not head over heels for me." You sound a little petulant, and Andie laughs like she did when you were in high school and trying to hide a crush from her. 

"Babe, he willingly went on a high school field trip just so he could see you."

"His daughter was there. I'm sure he wanted to spend time with her."

"I'm sure he did because he's a great dad, but he also wanted to see you in your element. It's sexy watching someone do the thing they love." 

"Yeah, yeah." You brush her off, and she scoffs. You toss your makeup brush back into its bag and check out your outfit in the mirror. It's nothing insane— just a plain black slip dress— but now that Joel's arrival is getting closer and closer, you're rethinking everything. "Do I look okay?"

"You look stunning!" Andie chirps. "I'm sure your not boyfriend will think the same thing."

"I'm going to get a plane ticket to Austria just so I can choke you out with my own two hands." You threaten, but she laughs so hard you can't stop smiling. Once the trans-Atlantic giggling dies down, the line goes quiet, and you take a deep breath as you pull your mascara out. 

"Are you nervous to see him?" She asks gently. Andie came home for the summer dubbed The Dark Days. She stayed over when the one-bedroom apartment felt too big and got you out of the house when you couldn't stand the four walls anymore. She took whatever he left behind to his new apartment so you wouldn't have to (and gave him a piece of her mind while she was at it). She made you believe in love again. Not sticky, frustrating, unpredictable romantic love but pure, easy, all-knowing love that can only come from long-enduring relationships such as yours. 

For a long time after he left, you thought you were hard to love. Too loud, too bright, too much. Until you were out at a bar with her one night, trying to find the remnants of your independence and self-esteem tucked under sweaty beers and cracked leather chairs, when someone pointed out how similar you and Andie were. "Like two sides of the same coin," the woman told you. Andie is one of the easiest people in the world to love with her quick wit, creativity, and smile. And you realized for the first time if you had even a shred of that, even if only by dint of knowing and being loved by her, then you must be easy to love too. You must be worth the mess and heartache and stained fingerprints. 

So, yeah, Andie was less than pleased to hear that all that hard work could be undone by seeing him again, but she was supportive. 

"I don't know," you sigh. "I'm not a kid anymore. I've had more years without him than I did with him, but it's still scary."

"I know." 

"I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him."

"He'll probably be too busy with the gallery and everything. Maybe you won't even have to." She says, and you groan at the uncertainty of everything. 

"God, why did I say yes?" You ask as a knock interrupts your whining. You end your call with a quick "I love you, thank you, I'll text you" before throwing your phone down. "Come in!" You yell from the bathroom as you rapidly finish doing your makeup. There's a pause on the other side before he jiggles the knob and finally comes in. "I'm just finishing up in the bathroom. Give me a minute." 

"D'you always leave your door unlocked?" Joel asks. The sound of his unsure footsteps reaches your ears, and you smile at the thought of him looking around your apartment like a lost toddler. 

"Only when I know someone's coming over," you say. "Sorry, it's a mess."

"Oh, this is nothin'. You should see Ellie's room." He says, his feet pacing the floor. You swipe on a cute lipstick you never wear and finally step out into the living room where Joel is waiting. He's wearing a black button-up shirt with nice pants as he stands with his back to you, looking at some of the things on your wall. 

"Well, don't you look nice?" You compliment, making him turn around with a shy smile. His eyes roam over you, taking in every detail or sliver of skin he hasn't seen before. His intense gaze reminds you of how he looked at you in the bar when you were sure his eyes would melt you. He looks dumbstruck, and his Adam's apple bobs when his eyes finally settle on your face. 

"Wow… you look-"

"Choose carefully." You tease to take some of the tension out of the room. 

"Beautiful," he says, thwarting your efforts. "You always look beautiful." 

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself." 

"You like it? Ellie helped me pick it out," he anxiously fiddles with the sleeves of his shirt. "Feels weird." 

"What specifically feels weird?" You ask, stepping closer to him to examine his outfit. He smells like aftershave and the cologne he's prone to wearing. Why the fuck do you have his cologne memorized, you think to yourself. 

"I dunno. I think I just feel outta place." 

"Well, you don't look out of place," you say. "These might be what's doing it, though." You tap the top buttons of his shirt, the ones buttoned all the way up to his chin like a toddler going to Christmas mass. 

"Ellie said I should do all of 'em since it's a fancy art thing."

"Well, you should stop taking fashion advice from a fifteen-year-old," you laugh. "I promise it's not fancy enough to justify being uncomfortable." 

"I'm takin' your word for it." He says as he reaches up to undo his top two buttons, revealing freckles across his chest and collarbones and the tiniest sliver of a gold chain resting against his throat. For some reason, you can't tear your eyes away from the veins in his neck or the delicate necklace stuck to his warm skin. "What, it really looks that bad?" He thankfully breaks through your thoughts, and you try to recover by shaking your head.

"No, no. Not at all. You look really nice," you say, clearing your throat. "Let me get my purse, and we can go." You don't even wait for him to respond. You just turn on your heels and walk to your bedroom. In the security of your bedroom, you let out a long exhale and try to get your mind back on track. 

You're just nervous. He's being nice. You're being nice back. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing, you mentally chant. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you almost have to laugh at the fierce blush on your cheeks and the distracted look in your eyes. "You better get it together." You say, pointing at yourself in the mirror like it's gonna do anything to make tonight smoother.

The gallery is packed when you get there. Joel curses under his breath as he tries to find a parking spot, and you try to keep your anxiety at bay. All you have to do is show your face, look at the paintings, and leave. Maybe you can manage to steal a bottle of the cheap wine they're undoubtedly serving. It'll be an hour. Two tops. You can do this. 

You're so in your head that you didn't notice that Joel parked the car or that he was looking at you until he bumped your knee with his. 

"You okay?" He asks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Just need a second." You mumble. You fiddle with your earrings, your dress, anything to keep your hands busy as you psyche yourself up. 

"When's the last time you saw this asshole?"

"He wasn't always an asshole," you try to redirect, but he raises his eyebrows at you. "Since I graduated college." 

"We don't have to go in." He offers easily, and you give him a look. 

"Yes, we do. My name's on the list and everything." 

"So?" He shrugs. "The world's not gonna end just cause one person didn't show up."

"But you drove all the way here."

"And I can drive you all the way back. Besides, it's nice having a pretty girl in my truck. It wouldn't hurt to have you here next to me for a little while longer." He says, and you laugh, feeling some weight lift off your shoulders.

"You get many pretty girls sitting in your truck?"

"Just my pretty girls." 

"Right." You say, and he smiles, creating familiar crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They look a little deeper in the moonlight, but his eyes shine differently. Your fingers itch to draw them if only to critique your work and find the answer to why he has such an effect on you. You're aware that you're staring, but you also can't find it in yourself to look away. Not when he's staring back at you so fondly. 

"What can I do to help you?" He asks. You feel like you could cry at the sincerity in his voice. You've talked to Ellie about her anxiety, so you know he has some practice in dealing with it, but he's acting like it's second nature. Like this is what he was meant to do. He bumps you again when you start messing with your purse. "Do you want this to be like at the bar? Do you want me to take you home and pretend like we were never here? Do you want me to go in there and crack some skulls? You say the word— any word— and I'll do it for you, darlin'." 

Darlin’. It's what he called you when you promised revenge for almost kissing you at the bar. Normally, you'd be against any form of pet name. Henry was not openly affectionate in that way, and you learned not to expect it from him. But here's Joel, dropping the term of endearment almost every time he's been alone with you. It could be that cowboy accent or his knee pressed against yours, but the nickname fills your chest with warmth and pushes away your anxiety. 

"Any word, huh?" You ask, and he chuckles. 

"My mama raised me not to make promises I didn't have every intention of followin' through on." He says. "What'll it be?"

"I think… I just need you to be there with me." 

"Then, that's what I'll do." 

"Okay." You mumble, and he smiles as a new wave of comfort washes over you. 

"Okay." He says.

"Okay." You take a deep breath and look at him in the driver's seat one more time. "Let's do this." Finally, you open the door and step down from his truck. He's quick to come to your side and offer you his arm before he can even finish locking the car. You smile, tuck your hand under his bicep, and let him keep you upright as you walk in. 

The gallery is full of people who look way more qualified than you— art critics, journalists, and other artists who can actually sell a piece. They barely glance at you and Joel when you breach the doorway, which you're silently grateful for. When a waiter walks by with champagne glasses, Joel quickly snatches two glasses from the tray and hands you one. 

"Here's to us." He says, and you cock an eyebrow at him. 

"Us?"

"Well, we're sure as hell not toastin' to that asshole, are we?" 

"I guess not," you laugh as you clink your glasses together. "To us." You each take a sip, and Joel tries to hide his reaction to the champagne, but you see right through it. "Not your speed?"

"Not at all." He groans as he chokes it down. 

"Don't worry, maverick, we'll get you something else later." You promise and tuck your hand back under his arm as you start walking through the gallery. 

A lot of his newer work resembles his work from college— normal portraits of things like fruits, beds, or people but with unexpected lines of colors lining them like they're vibrating. You even recognize some from your college days. You just never expected them to actually be displayed in this way, not even when you were dating and telling him what a good artist you thought he was. Some have vague titles like "$12" and "Jack," while others are untitled. You can see why it would get taken in by a gallery. There's a very clear skill in how he paints and manipulates everyday objects into something new. It would be impressive if it was interesting. 

Maybe you're just used to the way he paints. Maybe this is exactly what you expected of him. Maybe you thought he would've grown, if not in attitude than, at least, in skill. But it's clear that too many people told him good things about his work, and he saw nothing he needed to change or fix. Somehow, it makes you feel better, not worse, about your own art. 

"So, are these supposed to be good or bad?" Joel whispers to you as you get closer to the next section, and you laugh a little too loudly. The people around you give you nasty looks, but you can't find it in yourself to be sorry.

"Like I said at the museum, I can't tell you that, but…" you glance around to make sure nobody's listening to you. "As someone who saw him make a lot of art, this is definitely not his best."

"Okay, that's what I thought," he says before pointing at a specific part of the painting. "The shape is really weird right there, like he ran outta space or somethin'." You let go of his arm and step between him and the painting, smiling knowingly.

"Did you study for this?" You ask, and he nervously plays with the chain around his neck. 

"I may have… snuck a look at Ellie's notes." He admits sheepishly, and your eyes widen. 

"You were actin' like you were gonna have to rely on me this whole time! You don't need me to tell you what good art is!"

"Yeah, but I want you to." 

"Oh, whatever. C'mon, I wanna hear what else you think." You pretty much drag him to the next section of the gallery, but he's pliant and almost giddy at your hold on him. You take more time in the next part, and he ducks so his lips are near your ear to point out little things he notices. He said he was scared of being wrong in front of people "smarter than him," but all the observations he makes are valid and accurate. He lets you add your own analysis to his and watches you with a smile when you start talking with your hands excitedly. Suddenly, you're not nearly as miserable as you thought you would be, and you're even laughing together as you jump from painting to painting. 

"See, this isn't so bad!" You say as you move to the final part, but your smile and enthusiasm die when you step over the threshold. There, staring at you unashamedly is the painting Henry did of you when you were twenty and topless. He told you it was for his own artistic development, and you were more than happy to do it for him. You just never thought he would've kept it after all these years. Thank God your face isn't visible in the painting, but your rigid posture tells Joel everything he needs to know. He politely turns his back to the painting and steps between you and your likeness. 

"You wanna go?" He whispers at the same time someone calls your name. You take a deep breath and grab Joel's hand for support as you turn around and face Henry. His wavy blonde hair frames his face like it did in college but he's matured. His beard is a little more filled in, and he's gotten a little broader. Other than that, he's still the same person you met freshman year. 

"I'm so glad you could make it!" He says as he approaches. He doesn't try to hug you, and you don't move to let go of Joel's hand. "You look great. I mean, you always looked great, but you know what I meant," he says, looking over you. Only when Joel clears his throat does Henry even look at him. "Oh, sorry, man! We're old friends. I'm Henry." He holds his hand out for Joel to meet halfway, but he doesn't. You think it probably took fighting every single bit of southern hospitality in his veins to stop himself from shaking Henry's hand.

"'M Joel." He says, and Henry awkwardly drops his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Joel. How are you enjoying the exhibition?" 

"'S alright." Is all Joel offers, not willing to gas up Henry's ego anymore, and you have to stifle a laugh at the expectant look on Henry's face. "Well, I think we were just goin'."

"Oh, so soon? You haven't even seen the last few pieces."

"Are those any better than the thirty identical ones I already saw?"

"Joel," you scold quietly, and his jaw flexes when you look at him.

"It's okay. Not everyone understands art enough to enjoy it." Henry says. 

"Oh, I understand everythin' just fine." You swear Joel would've punched him if he wasn't holding your hand so tight. You step in between them and raise your eyebrows at Joel. His shoulders are squared, and you can feel the molten anger rolling off him, but it softens just a bit when he meets your eyes. You squeeze him twice to let him know you're okay, and he nods. 

"Can you get me a refill on champagne? I think they're still walkin' around with some." You suggest. He gets the hint, but he obviously doesn't like it. He glances between you and Henry like he's trying to make a decision but folds when you mouth, "please," at him. 

"’Course," he says through gritted teeth. "Anythin' else I can get for you, baby?" Baby, that's a new one, you think. 

"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though." You say. Without thinking, you let your other hand rest on his jaw and kiss Joel's cheek. His jaw unclenches when your fingertips graze his stubble, and his shoulders relax when your lips make contact with his skin, but you know he's still upset because you're still upset. Joel smiles and walks away before you can get a good look at the blush creeping up his neck, and you're resigned to watching him disappear into the crowd. 

"He seems nice," Henry says the second Joel is out of earshot, and you have to resist the urge to laugh. 

"He is." 

"How'd you two meet?"

"Through work." You say, knowing that bringing up teaching will make his skin crawl. He sucks his teeth and nods, the champagne in his glass sloshing slightly.

"Ah," he says. "That's nice."

"Yeah," you agree. An awkward silence falls over the two of you quickly, and you're itching to find Joel in the sea of people. Henry notices your lack of attention on him.

"It's really good to see you," he says. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."

"Yeah, that's usually what happens when you leave someone." 

"That's kinda why I invited you here tonight. I wanted to apologize for the way things ended," he acts brokenhearted and torn up about it, but he's years too late for the pity party he's expecting. "I should've talked to you about what was going on. We were just... becoming so different, and it felt like you were always talking to Andie or other people in the program, and there was no way to reach you."

"What are you talking about? I asked you multiple times if we were okay, and you said yes every time. I was talking to Andie so much because I needed someone who would understand me and be able to help." You say, and he waves his hand like he's swatting flies.

"Let's not do this. My therapist says it's not healthy to rehash the past like this. I just wanted to make amends and let you know I'm sorry for how you felt." It's not an apology. Not a real one, anyway. Jesus Christ, what did you ever see in him? Before you can even open your mouth to say something, he gestures to the gallery. "So, what do you think about all this? Crazy, right?"

"It's... something," you say. "Wish you would've given me a heads up about that one before I brought someone with me." You point in the direction of your half-naked body on the wall, and he gives you a confused look.

"I thought I did in the email." 

"Nope, I think I would've remembered if you said something about a half-naked painting of me from college being displayed," you shake your head. "Why do you even still have that? I thought you would've thrown it away or painted over it or something."

"Why would I do that? It's a good piece."

"I know it's good because it's my body. What's weird is you leaving me without a word one day and then keeping a naked picture of me all these years." 

"I didn't even think of it as your body. After a while, it was just a body," he says with no remorse, and you think you might hit him yourself. "Besides, you should take this as a compliment. Not many women get the opportunity to be depicted as art. It's a wonderful thing. You might even thank me one day when you're older." Finally, you see Joel walking toward you with a glass of champagne, and you take refuge in the fact that he's returning for you. "But, from what I can see, they've definitely stayed the same, so you probably don't have anything to worry about." He says like it's a secret or a compliment. You don't even wait for Joel to say or do anything. You just grab the wine from him and throw it in Henry's face. The people in the immediate vicinity gasp as you slap him and shove the empty glass into his hands. 

"Out of all the stupid things I imagined for myself when I was younger, thinking I would marry you was the stupidest," you spit. "Don't you ever try to fucking contact me again."

You feel like a fucking idiot. What did you expect? An apology? Repentance? Regret? He barely apologized when you were together. Why would he start now? God, was he always that bad? How could you have been so blind? How could you have shed so many tears over him? How could you have let yourself be so vulnerable with him and for so many years? It's a miracle he didn't call the cops and try to get the two of you arrested, even though Joel didn't do anything. You think, at least. The second you finished your sentence, you ran to the bathroom to cry and then snuck out through the back to wait outside Joel's truck. For all you know, Joel (rightfully) beat his ass and is on the run from artsy Austin hipsters. 

You put the lit cigarette back in your mouth and take a long drag, the familiar burning in your lungs a sick relief. You quit during The Dark Days because smoking was something he did, and you wanted to rid yourself of any reminder of his impact on your life. Apparently, at the same time you were scrubbing his fingerprints from your bones, he was in possession of and doing God knows what with the visual reminder of your vulnerability and love-sickness and acted like it was nothing. Like it was a compliment. Like it was just an object instead of your body. Andie would be pissed if she were here but especially if she saw you smoking after she braved all those shaky days and nights of nicotine patches and dried fruit and whatever other remedy recommended to help you quit smoking. You half-expect the same anger when you see Joel walking toward you. 

"Before you even start, I know I shouldn't, okay? It's a bad habit from when I was a kid, and I've mostly kicked it. I just... had a lapse. I'll be back on my best behavior tomorrow," you say as he stops in front of you. He doesn't look angry or upset. He just looks concerned and maybe even a little sad. Suddenly, you regret running away from him when all he probably wanted to do was help. You probably wouldn't have bummed a cigarette from a busboy if you let him. "Don't tell Ellie." You plead. His eyes flick over your face before he takes the cigarette from your fingers, puts the lipstick-stained filter in his own mouth, and inhales deeply, making the ember glow in the dark of the night. When he exhales, he blows the smoke away from you and lets the wind carry it in the opposite direction. A considerate smoker. You should've guessed.

"Don't tell Ellie," he says, handing the cigarette back to you. "Are you okay?"

You shake your head and take a long drag. It's quiet between you two for a while, the only sound being the cicadas and the distant chatter of the gallery. They're probably still talking about the psycho bitch who threw her wine in the artist's face. You don't really care. "I'm sorry for tonight. I don't know what I was expecting, and I sure as shit didn't know that painting was gonna be displayed. I swear, if I had any idea how bad this was gonna be, I wouldn't have invited you." 

"Why are you apologizin'? It's not your fault." 

"I shouldn't have roped you into this. I should've just said no, ignored the email, or came by myself. It's not fair that you got put in the middle of all this, especially when you were just trying to be nice. You're the parent of one of my students, and for you to see that side of me is just inappropriate. I just-" he stops your rambling by putting his hands on your shoulders and making you look at him, the cigarette falling to the pavement in the process. 

"Hey, hey. Stop. Take a breath." He says. Your head hurts from crying, and part of you wants to crawl into a hole and stay there until these feelings go away, but his eyes are gentle, and his hands are warm. You think he might be the only reason you're holding it together right now. "None of this is your fault, okay? Not the painting, not the conversation, none of it. We're both adults, and we can handle these things rationally. I'm not scarred for life just 'cause you lost your temper."

"But I-"

"No, buts. You told me the situation, and I didn't care. You warned me bout the art people, and I didn't care. You threw a drink in that asshole's face, and I didn't care," he says. "The only thing I care bout right now is makin' sure you're okay. Fuck everythin' else." You search his face for anything to tell you what he's telling you is going against his inner monologue but find none. He's completely and wholly concerned about you and nothing else. Not how fast he can get out of this. Not how this might look. Not what other people might think about him. Nothing. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Fuck everything else." You agree. 

"Now, you're gettin' the hang of it." He jokes, and you roll your eyes at him. He takes it in stride, his smile never fading as he looks down at you. You stop messing with the hem of your dress and let yourself relax for the first time all night.

"Thank you for being here, Joel. I really appreciate it."

"Not our best not-date, but definitely a memorable one." He says, and you laugh. You seem to realize how close you are at the same time because you both fall silent. His curls are beautifully draped over his face, and you can't stop watching his tiny expressions. An eye squint. A purse of the lips. A bite to the inside of his cheek. You want to blame your bad night or the emotions, but you can't. There's something more there. Something that's been brewing beneath the surface since he came into your classroom. Something that will kill you if you don't act on it.

You let your hands come up from your sides and tentatively brush against his waist as you stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares down at your lips, and the hands on your shoulders slowly move across your skin and up your collarbone— leaving goosebumps in his wake— until his hands are on your jaw and your pulse is thrumming against his palm. You pull him closer by his belt loops, and he doesn't hesitate to crowd your space, pushing you into the side of his truck with his body. His lips ghost over yours, just barely touching, and his nose bumps yours. 

"This is a bad idea," you breathe, tightening your hold on him. He nods and presses his forehead against yours. He's still close enough to breathe the same air as him, but the distance feels like miles. You lean forward a fraction as a test, and he doesn't move. If anything, he seems annoyed you didn't kiss him.

"D'you want to stop?" He asks, sounding just as breathless as you feel. You shake your head and swallow hard when he brushes the hair off your shoulder, and you can feel his heavy hand holding you. Your hands skate over his ribs, feeling muscles and a crazed heartbeat, and his jaw clenches. "Then you better do somethin' cause you've been drivin' me fuckin' crazy for weeks." 

Finally, you catch his lips with yours. He tastes like nicotine and smoke, and you know it's going to take a lot more than patches to get you to want to stop doing this. It's gentle and sweet, all relieved sighs and shy touches until you pull away for just a second to second-guess yourself or ask him something. You don't even start to form the words before he's back on you with more fervor. Suddenly, it's like he's everywhere but not nearly close enough. He nibbles at your bottom lip and tests a hand on your sternum, long fingers grazing your throat. The metal of the truck digs into your back, but you stop caring when a little moan slips from his lips when you pull him closer.

This is a bad idea. A horrible one. A bad habit you're gonna need to kick. 

But he might just be your favorite bad idea so far.

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethisplz2004 @buckyispunk

[veritas-scribblings]

mechanic - @jegulus-microfic - words: 647

If James is to be honest, he’s not the best driver. It’s most likely an attention problem and perhaps also a spacial awareness problem. Not necessarily a lack of skill, just...trouble with not getting distracted.

When James accidentally drives up a tree (hey, it’s dark, and it’s the tree’s fault for being in the middle of the road), he has to take his car off to the mechanic’s with his tail between his legs. He is just grateful that his mechanic is one Sirius Black, because Sirius gets it. He won’t judge. Sure, he’ll give James absolute shit for being conquered by a tree, but the judgement won’t be there. James can handle a little bit of friendly ribbing.

Getting to Sirius’s shop is a task and a half as his car won’t drive in a straight line anymore. So he steers for the most part to the left and eventually arrives in one piece, albeit with a possible hit out on his life because he’s pissed off a lot of people along the way. James is fully prepared for the barrage of questions he’ll have to answer from a bewildered Sirius Black, when someone in a greasy white shirt and dark-grey overalls steps out. 

Someone who isn’t Sirius.

‘Regulus?’ James asks hesitantly, wishing for all the world that the ground would open and swallow him up whole, because he has had the absolute shittest of days and does not want to have to deal with this. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Grocery shopping,’ Regulus says flatly. ‘What does it look like I’m doing here?’ He’s staring at James like James is stupid. 

James cringes and feels heat fill his cheeks. Whether it’s heat from embarrassment or a flush of delight from how wonderful Regulus looks in those overalls, a little bit smeared with grease, his hair silky black curls tousled from working around cars all day…

‘What do you need?’ Regulus sighs. He moves closer to inspect the car James has pulled into Sirius’s shop. 

James smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck. ‘Oh, nothing. Just, you know, looking for Sirius. Was going to ask him if he…wants lunch? Or something. Because I’m such a kind, generous friend.’

‘Sure.’ Regulus doesn’t look convinced. ‘What happened to your car?’

Perhaps, James thinks, he’s noticed how dinted the front of James’s car is from his run in with the tree. Regulus isn’t stupid, after all. James is the stupid one. Stupid, because how is he meant to woo Regulus and convince Regulus to go out with him when he has to explain how he drove, quite literally, up a tree?

So James goes with, ‘I didn’t know you’re a qualified mechanic. Are you licensed?’ and then bemoans the fact that the ground has yet to swallow him up, because he’s been working towards asking Regulus out for weeks now, and here is accusing the guy of his dreams of practising as an unlicensed mechanic.

‘Am I licensed?’ Regulus repeats, raising a single eyebrow and managing to look so wonderfully elegant while doing so. ‘What happened to your car, James?’ 

Cringing, James tips his head to the side and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. He’d been prepared to tell Sirius, because Sirius is his best friend, his adoptive brother, and Sirius won’t judge. Regulus, however. Regulus will judge and he will judge hard and shamelessly. He already looks ready to judge with that crooked, amused smile of his. 

This will set James’s plan of wooing and romancing Regulus Black back a few steps. He had planned on coming off confident and competent, because this is Regulus Black he’s trying to win over. But hey, maybe Regulus will find this all so adorable. Maybe it’ll be one of the quirks that makes him unique?

‘Well,’ James begins. ‘It was dark, see…and there was this tree…’

[reachartwork]

[private please, if thats alright] i used to follow you for your ai stuff back in 2021/22 when things were first kicking off (actually i thought you'd quit because of all the scandal lol) and the models and output were a lot 'sloppier' and kinda illegible but as far as i can see the stuff you're working on now is clearer looking and more coherent, so i was wondering - do you have any thoughts on the 'aesthetics' of AI and what specifically brings it unique merits and strengths as an art tool? for example i personally find a lot of modern ai art to be boring and soulless looking because it has neither stylistic interest (compared to the blatant 'inhumanity' of older models) nor a human person making base-to-base decisions about what it looks like, but i also havent been really paying too much attention to the AI scene except when it comes up in images searches. also, sorry if its not a question you want to answer, but do you do any more traditional styles of art as well? i find my art sensibilities are really effected by the mediums i work with so i would love to know if you have any similar experiences wrt ai and non ai works. thank you!

this is a side account so i can't answer privately, but, that being said;

i actually agree! for general purpose arting i preferred the secret horses style of total illegibility, and my main goal in my secret projects is to be able to reorganize around that style but with sharper, crisper lines and higher resolutions. part of why the whole "secret horses" style of ai medium fell through the cracks was because a: diffusion models were significantly faster and b: diffusion models scale upwards significantly better - they can produce higher resolutions and perform upscaling, which CLIP + VQGAN (the old method that made all the jank we all used to love) can't really do.

i think people whose sole interest in ai is making shitty advertisement images, or giant anime boobs, or some other lowest common denomenator slop, like... okay. you do you, the saying is "90% of everything is shit" for a reason, but obviously i think that's incredibly boring. i think the reason we see a lot of it is because a: the Good Artists who use AI are still effectively social pariahs, particularly on twitter and tumblr, just via dint of their medium, and b: ai puts art making in the hands of EVERYONE and it turns out not everyone has good taste (see: 90% of everything is shit), so you just see a lot more shit by volume.

anyway in terms of "traditional art" i am an author (READ CHUM) and a bassist, although i haven't been in a band in many years as my arthritis prevents me from playing for very long or very well anymore. if you mean traditional art as in like... paint and easel, or pen and paper, the answer is no. i've never had the ability to comfortably grasp anything with my hands even before the arthritis happened and now i lack not only the fine motor skills for it but also the pain threshold. i do like legos though, and i'd love to start making lego dioramas.

thanks for asking :)

[greenteaanon]

Genshin Character's Opinion on

GenZ Reader

In Genshin SAGAU

¡!Mondstadt edition!¡part 1

This is rotting in my drafts.

____________________________________________

~Amber~

About The Creator:

From what i've been thaught the Creator is Very witty, very wise that they can go up against the God of wisdom in chess and win.

About Reader:

I actually didn't expect them to be so young...and sassy.. especially when they attacked Kaeya like that it honestly made me giggle, they also make pretty dark jokes about plauges, hateful actions, mental illness, I'm not sure if they're ok but they are still the creator.

~Kaeya~

About The Creator:

The Creator is Very Wise and Graceful, No one actually for sure knows how they sound since they've been rumoured to be able to change their voice into anyone.

About the Reader:

...As much as I enjoy being in the presence of the creator...What they said to me Kind of hurt, I know it's true but still it hurts.

~Jean~

About the Creator:

They're the one that fueled my reason to be strong..well apart from Vanessa of course.

About the Reader:

Well...their appearance was unexpected, I feel really bad about hurting them and I don't know how to atone for this

~Lisa~

About the Creator:

I've read so much about them, they're very strong I heard they single handedly wiped out a rebel army in the past...well that's what the books say.

About the Reader:

I didn't expect them to look so young, well they're stunning, I've heard that some of the others have accidentally injured them that is least expected to happen.

~Noelle~

About the Creator:

Everyday I remind myself that their watching me. So, I try my best to Impress them.

About the reader:

I didn't expect Them to Adore my cooking, I was shocked when they asked to taste my tea break pancakes when they first got comfortable in Mondstadt.

~Barbara~

About the creator:

I worship and pray to the creator as well as the anemo archon Barbatos, although their Glow and Holiness is unmatched.

About the Reader:

I honestly didn't expect someone that looks so ordinary to be our creator, But then again I had the Honor to heal them of their injuries.

~Diluc~

About the creator:

They're a figure in society alright, I respect them.

About the reader:

I wonder if they get tired of the constant worship.

~Albedo~

About the Creator:

My original creator, well I personally refer to her as a mother was close to them they were friends as far as I remember.

About the reader:

I honestly thought they were an imposter, I judged too quickly, I assume it's the relationship my creator had with them that caused me to lash out.

~Razor~

About the creator:

Lisa Taught Razor about Creator, Razor Thinks Creator is friend.

About the reader:

Razor likes them, Razor finds them...fun

~Fischl~

About the Creator:

I Fischl, Adores said Creator, For the creator had graced me with their blessing of being the Prinzessin der Verurteilung

Oz: She mean She's thankful for the creator

About the Reader:

They look like a simpleton on the surface but I Fischl knows better to judge from the surface.

~Eula~

About the creator:

Alot of people idolizes them, Even my Family which is Upmost surprising, I of course respect them as I should

About the reader:

They keep telling me I'm a 'Girlboss' whatever that is...

~Mona~

About the Creator:

I really want to take a look at their life...but I shouldn't it's bad..I don't want to get punished for invading their privacy

About the Reader:

They're surprisingly well versed in Astrology, They even told me the Zodiac Signs? They call it in their old world. And what ever a Bones Day is

~Bennett~

About the Creator:

I always pray for them to take away my bad luck. I guess I'm Unlucky that they dint hear my prayers

About the Reader:

They rush into danger..alot, I guess that's cool that they still hang out with me. I guess I'm not that Unlucky anymore, Like the normal amount of unlucky

[xo-xojj]

Hold Me Close

(gif not mine)

Oliver Otto x Male Reader

Request: Nope

Desc: Reader gets sent back after hearing about Olivers experience at work.

Type: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Metions of suicidal thoughts, depression. Eating disorder metion. Reader has body dysmorphia And fluff at the end

Enjoy<3

It had been a long day for Oliver. He came back to his house and gors to his bedroom to see his boyfriend laying on his bed. He smiled softly dropping his bag down on the ground. He walked over to (y/n) kissing him softly then laying down next to him. “how was work. You seem stressed.” (y/n) said brushing a couple hairs out of Olivers face. “You read me like a book. Well since you asked it wasnt bad, I just got a call from someone who, uhm, i guess you could say they sounded like they were sinking. And i didnt really expect it to be honest. I was pretty embarrased because I wasnt really prepared to handle that today.

(y/n) frowned, as it was something that kinda tugged at his heart strings. He was now not in a good mood. And it wasnbt even Olivers fault. He asked how Olivers day was. He just wasnt prepared for that answer. Oliver could feel the obvious shift in the room. “Whats wrong, I mean i know it bummed me out but i didnt mean for-” “No, dont apologize, nor worry about it.“ (Y/n) cut oliver off. He gave oliver a soft kiss before getting up and going to the bathroom.

(Y/n), as usual, ate dinner with the Otto’s. He did this because his mother worked 3rd shift so it was easier just to eat with his boyfriends family instead of cooking himself. The Otto’s chatted as usual until Taylor brought up how (Y/n) was eating. He hadnt noticed he was eating a little fast, even though he could assume what from. He hadnt eaten a meal since last week. Just water and maybe a fruit before school. “Damn, your messing that up (y/n)“ Taylor said, obviously joking. But (Y/n) felt a nerve struck as he stopped. The dinner table was quiet as they all looked at (y/n). He swallowed his food with a guilty look on his face. Oliver looked at his boyfriend with confusion on why he wasnt talking. (y/n) suddenly stood up amd excused himself to the bathroom. The whole family looked at eachother witg confused facea. They were used to jokes with eachother. What happened now?

It was finally the weekend and Oliver couldnt stop thinking about (y/n) ever since what happened Wednesday. And it was the last time they had talked. Oliver went over to (y/n)’s house. He knocked and there his boyfriend was. “hey!“ Oliver said hopeful. “whats up“ (y/n) said. “can we talk if you dont mind, i dont wanna stand out here and talk because it kinda looks weird.“ Oliver said quickly. And (y/n) moved back so oliver could come in and closed the door behind him. The two sat down on the couch. “What happened Wednesday?“ Oliver askes sincerely. “Uhm nothing, why?-“ (y/n) gets cut off. “Dont bother lying, (y/n/n) I know something was up ever since i told you about what happened to me at work. And i doubt that what i told you was the main thing bothering you“ Oliver said. He placed a hand on (y/n)’s hand and squeezed it. “Talk to me, please.“ Oliver begged hating seeing his boyfriend like this. (y/n) started to break down in olivers shoulder. He sobbed and stayed like that for a couole minutes. Wetting Olivers blue shirt. Eventually (y/n) lifted his head up not looking up at his boyfriend until his boyfriend, Oliver made him look at him. “Talk to me (y/n)“ Oliver asked again. “I just uhm, felt kinda stupid. When i was 11 I had gained weught along side an eating disorder. I really hated the way i looked and at times i do now. And it uhm, got to a point where i had tried to.......“ (y/n) said stuttering. Now everything made sense to Oliver. Thats why he left the dining room, his bedroom, and kinda ghosted. He was embarrased. “Hey, if you dint want to you dont bave to say anymore. I get it“ Oliver said kissing (y/n) softly before holding him and rocking back n forth as he cried. “I just didnt wanna become a burden“ (Y/n) said and It broke Olivers heart a little. The person he truly loved with his whole heart had been through so much and he only knew a little. To hear his boyfriend call hinself a burden hurt oliver himself more than anything. “No. God no youd never be a burden. Thats what i do. And id be damned if i didnt do it for you. Im here for you.“ Oliver said. They cuddled there and they just stayed like that until they fell asleep. From then on Oliver Cherished his boyfriend and wanted to protect him with his whole life. He never wanted to see (y/n) hurt again.

[neobora]

I need some advice please…so here it is since 2020 that I manifest my db, I went through a lot of methods of all kinds like many people, but without ever. Normally, when I was not feeling well, I was able to encourage myself. I discovered not long ago the states, it changed a lot my vision of things and I was very optimistic at the beginning but recently I am more and more complexed with my weight/body and the sun starts to come back so I have to buy clothes (which I didn't do anymore because of my complex for years) even if I feel good in my 4D, I have the impression that my 3D catches up with me. I get depressed a lot I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm missing out on my life by dint of hiding… I'd like to lose 16kg, I know it's not the kind of state I should be in but right now I just really need advice… thanks <3 :(

"i have the impression that my 3d catches up with me"

waitwaitwait…. i think this is your problem. you need to stop giving the 3d so much power and seeing the 3d and 4d as separate.

the 3d is your mind reflected. it always reflects you. the 3d is not something you HAVE to be afraid of! no one is doing that to you but yourself. it just shows you what you assume within. don‘t try to force a change in the 3d, you can only change by changing SELF. i know what it‘s like to constantly be scared of the 3d and worry about it. even when you‘re 'trying to manifest' but at the same time you are scared of what the 3d shows you, you can never really fulfill yourself.

here i explained that you need to identify with the INNER MAN. right now you are doing the opposite, you FEEL like you are stuck in this outer world with circumstances you don’t like. but that’s just tricking yourself into forgetting who you are at your core: the inner man. you are always the creator, no matter what, you constantly create what you see in the outer world. you create assumptions, fears, doubts, worries etc. but that does not mean you have to FEEL them and identify with them! once i became aware that i don’t have to FEEL like something i see outside or hear in my mind is true, i stopped caring about the 3d. if i do not feel (identify with) it, it‘s not important to me and doesn’t say anything about me.

i think fear is what stops most people. "but what if xyz happens? what if it doesnt work? what if…." where is all of that happening? in your mind. and who has complete control over your mind? YOU.

this is something you can do when the fear hits that i discovered while i was really struggling: make yourself aware that you are creating ALL OF THIS. then instead of forcing the fear away or forcing good feelings, let the fear pass over you while identifying with the inner man and see that even though it is there, you do not have to identify with it. when i did this the fear turned into pure freedom and adrenaline after a while, it was such an insane experience ngl. it felt so good and freeing. i think i‘ll make a separate post for fear sometime to explain it further.

from there you can fulfill yourself in your imagination without the constant fear nagging you. but it‘s important that you stay persistent without falling back into old states or identifying with your doubts. you created them, remember? you can choose what you feel. what‘s helpful here is seeing the 3d as a dream or (literally) as your mind. if you see something you do not like, remind yourself that‘s not you anymore and you already KNOW you have all you want because you are the creator. you don‘t have to feel urgency or ask "where are my desires?" because you already have them IN IMAGINATION, in your mind, the only thing that gets reflected.

[cuddlebugzz]

I'm thinking of getting a kitty !! My dad says I can have one cuz I live on my own now :) wanna girl tuxedo kitty... gonna name her tuesday... call her twoey for short cuz little shop is my favorite.

Tuxedo kitties are so handsome!! I love their sophisticated socks and sometimes mustaches. One kitty I looked at today had a mustache. Couldn't take any home today tho. Gotta get kitty stuff first.

.. um. I wanna talk about my mom now. Sorry. Tw grief. You dint have to read it.

I had dreams about her last night. Bout the end of her life. Not the end in real life, A pretend end. Where she just left and we didn't know if she died. It felt worse, almost. She didn't want to be around us anymore.

Btu that's not how it happend. She wanted us forever. Now she's gone and that's okay.

She was dancing in my dream. I was worried, but she got to dance.

I miss her.

I don't like to cry.

Grief is hard. It comes and goes. But it never goes away. But I feel good still. My life is good and I am happy. I wish I could tell myself that when I didn't know what to do.

If you're anticipating grief... it's okay. You'll be okay. You live with it. Not it a way that it's this bad thing you have to have but in a way that it's familiar. It's like a friend almost. And it's okay.

[kooksbunnnn]

„fucked up hyung, I fucked up. I will lose her. She’ll go hyung. I was drunk, i didnt realize, i dint-”

this is exactly what i meant when i said that jungkook does not deserve any sympathy from anyone. this man straight up excuses his behavior that he was drunk and it happened only because he wasn’t sober like excuse me? even a drunk person can tell from right or wrong or matter of fact he didn’t had to drink that much in the first place knowing that dangerous things could happen to him if he let himself be intoxicated around people he doesn’t feel safe and yada yada.

also him crying and having a full blown panic attack is a normal behavior for narcissistic people who get caught with something they can’t deny anymore. he wasn’t the one telling his „hyungs“ that he went behind his wife back and slept with someone no it was the message that joon received that started all of it which means he’s a coward and only started crying like a baby when they asked him about it. what im trying to say is jungkook is a grown man who’s still a child that can’t take responsibility for his actions instead he acts like a victim and needs to be coddled which quiet disgusts me because jimin was the only sane person. i mean yeah it wont change anything if you rub it in his face but you need to tell that person the cold hard truth instead of hugging him and having sympathy with that person when that won’t change his behavior (and it didn’t we saw it in those chapters how oc still got it hard because of his dumb ass)

again sorry not trying to ruin the fun for others or me trying to bash your characters but you can’t tell me that this boy knows what he’s doing when he doesn’t even know how to be a man in the first place. im sure they have a happy ending and what not but i wish oc could move on and do the co-parent thing. he doesn’t deserve any happy ending with her.

I see what you mean, anon reader, and I respect your opinion, but no one is perfect, and in this fic, Jungkook and OC are both not perfect. Thankyou for reading tho🫂🩷

[dilucs-little-whore]

Characters : diluc x reader x kaeya

Note: first ever fanfic i have written. I hope yall like it.

18+ only (smut included)

Basically this is a genshin harem series that i am planing to write dont fully know how its gonna go yet so yeah thats all. Enjoy!

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

It all started out as suggesting, by Kaeya of course, but now you ended up with him kissing your neck as Diluc pulled down your pants…..

Lets go back a few steps,

You were returning to Monstard finishing your last commission of the day. The sun had already set and it was starting to darken. You were tiered and really wanted to relax a bit, what other place to go other than the good old Angel’s Share. “Flirting with diluc would be a great pass time” you though as you walked towards the bar.

Opening the door, expecting the red hair there, only to find charles. You gave him a pleasant smile, careful as to not show the disappointment on you face. Heading towards him you say “hey is diluc here?” Only for him to reply with a no. “Would you like the usual?” He asked as you gave him a nod walking towards the tables when you noticed something odd.

By odd you meant kaeya, what was he doing here? Did they finally make up their fight-“din’t see you there darling!” he said as he gave a mischievous smile. “What are you doing here, also does diluc know that you are here” as i sat on the vacant chair in front of him. “You dont seem very happy to see me” a pout forming on his pretty lips.

You’d be lying if you said that the thought of his pretty face did not cross your mind as you lay in your bed with your panties folded down upto your knee. You never denied the face that he was oh so handsome but it was not like you had feelings for him you were just so sexually attached to him i mean wouldn’t right! . And he knew well about your desires, but he also saw how you looked at diluc, with pure lust in your eyes. He hates to admit it but the thought of you between him and his red head brother really turned him on.

It was past am hour of you two catching up. Most of the bar empty not. Both of you were quite drunk as you laughed your hearts out over memories you shared. “Hey violet can i ask you something?” he continued as you gave him a nod “do you have a thing for diluc?”. That question took you by surprise but well you are quite confident when you are drunk so you openly admitted to it “yes i have a thing for diluc, how can someone resist that face and those eyes and that hair THAT BEAUTIFUL RED HAIR i love his hair” blushing at the thought of him.

Your eyes landed on to kaeya’s face, he was almost about to cry. Getting up from your chair you went towards him, struggling to push his chair back a bit, you sat on his lap “ hey hey hey that does not mean i find you any less attractive you big baby, you are handsome, you have me drooling over you.” That was enough for kaeya to gain his confidence who now held your waist tight and he is whispered in your ears “ who would you rather?” In the most seductive way he has every talked to you. So with a whiney voice you say “thats the thing i dont know who to choose” giving him a little pout.

“Maybe you dont have to choose” you heard a familiar voice say from behind you. You turned to see diluc who had been standing there listening to the whole thing. “Since when have you been listening to us” asked kaeya as diluc said “since you asked her about me”.

————————————————————————

“Its getting late how about i drive you both home” the only sober man there said. You dint wanna leave but both the men started dragging me out. Kaeya was not as drunk anymore but still a bit tipsy.

The ride to your place was short, but that was not the problem. The problem was you. “No i is wanna sit in front on kaeyas lap i dont wanna sit behind, i am scareddddd!” You threw a tantrum. They dint have another choice. So diluc drove as you sat on kaeyas lap giving him tiny kisses everywhere with a dumb smile plastered on your face. His face was covered in red lipstick but that hardly concerned him, his main concern was the bulge growing in his pants.

Diluc saw everything from the corner of his eye. He hated seeing you be so clingy to kaeya but dare not show that on his face. Reaching your place keaya picked you up and started heading for the door. You noticed Diluc wasn’t following behind “don’t tell me yall are going to leave me here to be miserable all by myself, it’s not easy to get off yourself you know”. Both men got flustered at the thought of that.

Diluc din’t wanna take advantage of your drunk self but the hard on in his pants said other wise. The three of you were sitting on the bed as you kept repeating “you have my full consent guys i know i am drunk but just fuck me please I can’t take it anymore” as you lay on dilucs chest. “Its getting so hot” you said as you removed your top, it wasn’t really helping the guys much, looking at your lacy black bra squeeze your boobs it only left them to wonder if it was a matching set.

“Fuck it” said both men at the same time removing their shirts. “Oh what a view” you moaned. Diluc placed you onto his lap, you could feel his cock so prominently that it was killing you. Kaeya was quick he curled up your skirt and bunched it up in the waistband “so it is a matching set then huh” as he gave a smirk. Being close to both of your dream men had you on chock hold. Diluc was having his way with your breasts while keaya started tasting your cunt moans with every lick. You started to shake, it not like you have never been eaten out before it the way kaeya curled his tongue as the right spot.

Everything was moving so quickly, they had got you onto your knees and hands kaeya behind you smacking that ass as he spat degrading words at you while diluc had his dick right in front of your mouth praising you like a child. Their ice and fire combo was gonna make you melt. “Oh i cant wait to feel you violet, you have made me wait too long” he said as he started sliding in. As the last of him entered you diluc slammed his cock all the way down your throat, it made your eyes go wide. You thought you would handle his size but god were you gagging. Both started ramming you from each hole and oh how you felt like you were on cloud nine except your throat hurt real bas but thats a price you were willing to pay for the eye rolling, toe curling fuck you were getting. Not too long after kaeya screamed out load “oh i am about to cum, violet dont ah- squeeze me so bad” and diluc wasn’t too far behind. “At the same time?” Diluc said with a smirk but he wasnt looking at you, he was looking at kaeya??. Oh boy were you gonna be full or what. Both their orgasms had driven you to come close to your too. You took few more seconds before you to pained all over kaeyas cock. You went dizzy and fainted right after. “I guess the alcohol and sex wasnt a great idea together huh”.

Both men had taken care of you. Getting you cleaned and tucked in bed. Your head lay on dilucw hand as you faced kaeya. You looked so peaceful sleeping, though each of them. But that wasnt the last time it was gonna happen.

In fact it wasnt only gonna happen with fire boy and icy knight if you know what i mean ;)

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

I dont think this was that good :( but i hope to do better next time. Thank you for reading <3

[izzyspussy]

"Hey, Coach Shelley!" Nate pauses in the hallway automatically. He still craves for that title to fit him, but he pushes the feeling down. It's too late not to answer to it now, though.

"Uh, you know- You know I'm not a coach anymore, Jamie," he says when Jamie catches up to him and jogs around the hamper full of today's dirty uniforms. Jamie leans his elbows on the rim, both hands dangling over into the sweaty grass-stained recesses as one drops a bundled up pair of socks into it. Ah, Nate thinks. That must be it then.

But Jamie shrugs with awkwardness that is absolutely surreal to see on him and says, "Ah, I figure I owe you a little extra respect." Nate doesn't know how to respond, unsure if the tight feeling in his chest is because he's touched or if it's just more guilt, or perhaps a bundle of unwarranted pride and power hunger. Maybe it's all three. Whatever it is, he chokes it down. But it takes any possibility of words down with it. Jamie clears his throat and stands up straight.

"Uh, Coach," he says again, and Nate flinches. "Can I talk to you about something? In the boot room?" He actually waits for an answer, which Nate silently scolds himself for being surprised at. Jamie is a good man, now. A team player. And all that. He nods, and Jamie grins at him before spinning around to lead the way, keeping one hand on the rim of the hamper as if he thinks Nate will abandon him (again) if he lets go.

The boot room stinks, like feet and sweat and mud and smoke, as always. It's stuffy with the stench, just a little bit too warm and slightly humid from how close it is to the washers. Nate has always kind of hated it in here, except right when he'd finished everything and it was clean and neat and perfect enough the smell momentarily became an endearing quirk. Jamie doesn't turn on the lights.

"Listen, um..." Jamie has his head tipped gently down so he can peer at Nate in a facsimile of 'up'. But then he nods to himself and straightens to his full broad-shouldered height. He doesn't seem resolute. Just confident. Comfortable.

"You remember the team dint want me back, yeah? 'Cause I hurt 'em. And, uh, apologizin' dint really matter, and they took a little revenge, yeah, but not much- I think they deserved more, but Dr. Sharon says that's a me problem-" He seems to realize he's getting off track, whatever his track is, and cuts himself off with a wry smile.

"Anyway, the point is," he holds Nate's gaze in a way that would be intense, maybe even intimidating, if he wasn't still smiling, if his eyebrows weren't set so softly, "I dint need to be punished, yeah? Or be someone else or nothing like that. I just needed to do better. You get me?"

Jamie pauses there, still staring into Nate's eyes like he can look his point right into Nate's brain. But Nate still doesn't know what to say. His tummy squirms and his heart races and he feels a little bit hollow, maybe in a good way, like his head could float right off. But he needs to stay down to earth. He needs to be satisfied with what he's got. So he doesn't say anything.

"Okay," Jamie says, and if he sounds sad surely Nate must be imagining that. Projecting, or whatever. "I mean, obviously I don't know you that well, so maybe that's not... But think about it, yeah?" He nods again, claps Nate casually on the shoulder, and leaves the boot room without a glance back.

Nate stares into the middle distance in the floor just beyond the rim of the hamper, shell shocked. Slowly he manages to blink back into the confined reality of the smelly boot room. He looks up across the way to see Will sitting on top of one of the washers, kicking his feet in the open porthole door. He gives Nate a very serious, unnervingly Beard-like nod.

Nate goes through the motions, muscle memory, washing and folding and polishing. It all goes much faster with both him and Will doing it, and they're finished with everything before dark.

Nate walks home. He hasn't let himself drive the car Mannion bought him since he quit at West Ham, but he hasn't been able to bring himself to sell it either. It's waiting for him at Jade's because his dad didn't want to have it sitting around.

He gets home, he eats the dinner his mom put aside for him, he takes a quick shower, and he lays down in bed.

He thinks about it.

Maybe tomorrow he'll drive.

[pochqmqri]

I am seeking some advice regarding a landlord situation.

I've started a new job that has me relocate to a different part of the state about 2 hours a drive away, thus I needed to seek housing in the area.

Last month, I went through several choices and decided on one, after touring the property. The landlord and I agreed to have me move in on August 8, and she asked for the deposit in advance, so that she could "hold" the room and not continue to sell it to other people. Not knowing better, I paid the deposit in full, which was just one month's rent, however, I should have asked to her to have a proper lease ready to be signed.

After the payment, she promised to have a lease ready to sign, but kept kicking the can on it, despite me reminding her multiple times. Eventually, she does, but as a poorly written and formatted text message that has yet to be finalized.

But leading up to that, over the next few weeks, she texts me saying that the move-in date is "August 8-10," which doesn't make sense, and she had said otherwise previously. Apprently, it was because the outgoing tenant wasn't sure on what date they would move out. That dint exactly work for me because I started working on July 29 and my benefactos provided me on-campus housing up to the 8th, if I moved in on the 9th or 10th, I would have no place to stay in that gap. The landlord then says that she would provide me temporary housing where I could stay for a rate per day. It wasn't ideal, but I decided to go with it.

Then, she next texts me saying the move-in date is the 20th, the reason being that she wants to have the roof and carpet renovated between the 8th and 20th. She did not disclose that to me when I paid my deposit, and when I told her that, she said that I would have temporary housing for those 12 days, which, from what she described, was just staying on a couch at one of her other properties with no Wi-Fi, for $20-25 per day. This was also around the point where I looked up her info on Google and found out that she's part of a seedy realtor company, which she didn't disclose, but it became apparent when she had to "get back" to me on certain questions.

Going back to the text message lease, she writes on it that my move-in date will be the 8th, like normal, and when I asked about all the date pushing back she did earlier, she said that the renovators were going to reschedule for a different unspecified date, and that I "might" be able to move-in on the promised date. But that didn't make sense, because if they rescheduled, it would likely happen after August 8, meaning I'd move in but then quickly have to relocate to a temporary location, and that was, much more trouble than worth.

A few days later I tell her I'm no longer interested in signing the lease, to which she says that I made her hold the room for me and the deposit is nonrefundable, despite the fact that she told me when I paid that it was, to which she responds that spits refundable onlupy when the lease ends. One, she didn't clarify that when I paid the deposit, and two, the lease never started if I didn't sign it. I then tel hr that she made me pay under false pretenses due to the surprise renovation, and that I no longer trust her to keep her word. She then responds that "to make it simple and easy," the renovation isn't happening at all, which confused,p me, because she said the renovators were rescheduling and that she'd soon learn the date Ina few days. That was when our conversation ended.

Regarding my deposit, I'm thinking about taking this matter to the state. Maryland has a consumer protection agency, and I believe I have the standing to file a complaint against her for misleading me, especially when I have text message evidence. However, as it currently stands, the lease as she has poorly written it states my term begins on August 8, which is what was initially promised, so I'm not sure I have standing anymore. I never told her I plan to file a lawsuit yet, because if I do, it would irreparably damage my relationship with her, so I amt to be sure this is something I can get my deposit back on.

Another option came up though. When I told her I wasn't interested in signing the lease, she, in what seemed to be an act of desperation, said that I could instead change the lease length from six months to just one. I passed this up as I was insistent on no longer moving in, but if I do take it, I could eventually get my deposit back assuming I don't damage anything in that short stay. the monthly rent is also not that different from the other options I have been looking at. The issues are that, I still am not certain she's keeping her word on me not having to temporarily relocate if she has renovators come in, and I fear our working relationship already has cracks in it so I might run into trouble with her during my one month stay.

[absolutelyzoned]

im gonna talk about some of my personal shit here feel free to ignore ❗💪🔥🔥 there might be triggering stuff in here i dint know what but yeagh scroll past if you dont wanna read avout me issues

gonna be honest i fuckinf hate being alive sometimes just because no one (my family) actually teues to help me with anything like they just point shit out and make fun of me for doing things i vsnt control. like im always told "you can't control what other people do but you can always choose how you react!!" no i fucking can't??? i can't make myself not get annoyed by every little sound and i can't deal with constant talking over each other and all the fucking noise because they genuinely make me want to die . that sounds really fucking dramatic i know but i cant help it?? i used to bite an scream and scratch my brothers when i was younger because they were making noises i didn't like just to annoy me and it was my fault because "i could have asked nicely" or "they're not hurting anyone" but i csbt do that anymore because im not a fucking kid anymore and ive been punished for "being mean" and shit like that so many times to the point where i have to resort to cutting myself and scratching my fucking skin off because i can't control the way other people act and no one fucking listens when i say that it really bothers me . abd that's just NOISES dude. i get mad so fucking easily over "small" things that are out of my control but i literally can't help it . and i can't do anything about it cause like. i just can't. which is why i hurt myself, but when i do that and im not careful my mom finds out and only punishes me more and makes it seem like its all my fault and im just being dramatic. but when i DO try to talk about things im either just shoved off or met with "mhm" and "oh. okay" and its like they dont even fucking care. like why were you shocked when i told you ivr tried to kill myself??? okay actually what the fuck is wrong with me maybe i am just being dramatic