cuddlebugzz

[cuddlebugzz]

I feel like a big crybaby. I put together an event for the art majors, something small and unofficial, but nobody showed up. I understand why - it wasn't advertised very well. People just forgot/ didn't know it was happening. But it still sucks that I put effort and even my own money into it, and people didn't show. Everyone I talked to was enthusiastic, they said it was an awesome idea, but still.

For the record, it was an art supply swap. Everyone was complaining about the cost of supplies going up so I put together an event for people to trade unused supplies. Everyone loved the idea, but I didn't pull it off I guess.

The real cherry on top was that I had to walk 25 minutes on a hot day to get there. And when nobody showed, I called my dad to pick me up and he said he could, but I ended up having to walk home anyway.

I put $25 of my last $50 into buying supplies so there could be some new supplies to trade, now it's just taking up space.

I'm gonna have to tell all my good-natured classmates that nobody showed when they inevitably ask how it went.

I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I want to cry but it's so... small. Insignificant. It just makes me wonder why I bother with these things at all.

[cuddlebugzz]

"please don't hurt me." - "not gonna, anytime soon bud."

heads up: tw for brief mention of depersonalization + eating troubles

--DNI NSFW--

𖥔 anxious little boy, everywhere at all times, no matter where he is or who he’s with. He always has a hand on Nasha or M18 or even both and that helps a little bit, but his grip is like a lifeline and his eyes are always darting everywhere. 

𖥔 sleeping between both of them makes it better. it’s only when he’s asleep (which is rare) that the cortisol pumping through him grants him reprieve. his body relaxes with the warm soothing hands of Nasha through his hair and M18’s running up and down his back. 

𖥔 M18 is seemingly always angry and searching for revenge, he is hardened by frustration, neglect, and abuse. But somehow, by the grace of an earth they can only remember, he is gentle with M17. Always wants to be touched by him and Nasha just to make sure he’s alive, that he’s real. That he is, above all, allowed to live. 

𖥔 Both have a problem with depersonalization, especially M17, 18 struggles with it in private, feeling his own personal struggles aren’t worth being aired out. Especially when M17 takes precedence over him, it feels. It builds into slow resentment and he has no idea how to remedy it until he’s crying into M17’s shoulder–he could never tell Nasha what he’s feeling. But it eventually gets around to her regardless and all of a sudden her warm hand is on his face and she’s sliding a comforting thumb up and down his cheek. He doesn’t need to be told he deserves to live, he knows better than anyone what he and M17 deserves (and by all means he will get it for them.) He just wants to feel loved. 

𖥔 Kai sometimes comes around to watch both of them. She’s in slightly better standing and there is a conveniently placed newly refurbished maternity ward right across from her room and so she brings plenty of snacks, baba’s, and pacis. She thinks M17 in particular is adorable when he’s snuggled up to his makeshift puppy plush, gripping her hand while he sleeps, adorning him with as many trinkets as she can find because he is always so grateful and so sweet to her and everyone around him. 

𖥔 Mickey 17 is admittedly, very curious and clumsy. Uncoordinated. It is later found out that he struggles with motor skills as a whole, and has since he was physically a baby. It frustrates him to no end- it seems M18 has inherited all of his cool traits and determined stubbornness and affinity for murder (?) while he’s just the weird nerd who watches cartoons with his legs crossed and a stupid bottle because he can’t be around an open cup without spilling it. M18 is quick to comfort him in Nasha’s place. “You’re stronger than both of us, all that you’ve gone through and are still going through. We deserve this Mick, we need this.” And then there's Nasha and her syrupy way with words. “This is for you Mickey, my little boy. You’re good at everything they put you up to, and now I need you to be good at this, right here, right now. Relax, okay? Let mumma take care of you.” and Kai who always comes bearing gifts. “After everything I’ve seen, this is by far the one I’d prefer the most. If anything, you are silly for believing that this is silly. Because you still get up everyday, you still do what they ask of you, and you’re still here, with us.” Nothing they say really quells the burning resentment he has for himself, but it makes him feel better. 

𖥔 All three of them, Kai, Nasha, and M18, are equally touchy, and so is he. Grabbing onto their clothes, messing with their fingers, whining and rolling on the floor for them to come sit with and watch cartoons with him on his little palette of blankets he’s made. In turn they card their fingers through his hair, kiss him on his cheek and forehead, hug and snuggle him tightly, walk their fingers up his arms until he’s giggling. 

𖥔 Always sheepish when he’s asking for things if he ever does. Even for things like using the bathroom or needing a snack because he’s hungry. All three of them are always quick to provide and it's M18 specifically who’s keeping tabs on whether or not M17 has eaten. Even when he’s on missions he has a comm station open between him, M17, Kai, and Nasha to remind the boy that he needs to eat, regardless of if he isn’t hungry or not. “Please Mickey? For me?”

[cuddlebugzz]

my little pony g3 notebook pages scans

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Once again I am. The yearneerrrr

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The council will decide your fate...

[cuddlebugzz]

I have a new room to decorate :3 I moved back in with my dad, we just can't afford the apartment another year. That's okay with me! I love living with my dad. Now I gotta get all the junk out of my room and decorate it! Gonna make it supes cozy.

If anyone wants to send me room decor inspo/diy ideas based on my vibe, I'd love that :3

[cuddlebugzz]

I got a new doll! I'm not a big disney fan but the disney ily 4ever dolls are so gorgeous, and this one was on sale!! I named her Margo, without the traditional t so people don't pronounce it wrong, lol.

[cuddlebugzz]

I am once again burnt out but want to make something

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I want a dolly so bad..

Like an 18 inch doll. Maybe a smaller ball jointed one? But I think I'd feel smaller carrying around a bigger doll. I think it would be fun to brush their hair and dress them up... but idk, I don't know how long I'd actually play with it. I didn't even really play with my dolls as a kid.

A baby doll would also be nice, just something to hold.

Or maybe a slightly weighted plush? Big enough to dress up in baby clothes.

Idk !! I want to feel small

[cuddlebugzz]

anybuddy wanna be digital penpals :0? We'd edit together cool little letters and send them digitally! Kinda like what I did with the comfort character letters. If you're interested, dm me! I'd love to make a new friend!

Like this, but even more fun and detailed!

[cuddlebugzz]

figurines by TheSafflowerField

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Any butch regressors out there.... butches who relate to boyre.... butches who consider it boyhood rather than girlhood.....genderweird folks. .. women who are actually boys.... anyone....

[cuddlebugzz]

Got rejected from from my dream internship again ✌️🤪 last of my applications got rejected. Living the dream

[cuddlebugzz]

Have to deep clean my apartment by Thursday or I might get evicted ✌️🤪

[cuddlebugzz]

I WILL write a muppet fic I WILL write a muppet fic <- manifesting

[cuddlebugzz]

Found some special guys at the mall

[cuddlebugzz]