#like i cried my eyes out when i signed up to be an organ donor HSIUHGFGd

[cruelsister-moved2]

i know that other religions also use similar phrases but theres something so psychically disturbing to me abt when christians say rip about nonchristians because it’s like you’re mentally placing the person in your own theologically suspect afterlife and kind of comical with the extension that you at least traditionally literally do not believe that person is going to rest in peace because you believe theyll be tortured for eternity for not agreeing with you 👍 like it disconcerts me in kind of the same way as the baptisms for the dead just on a smaller scale

[cartoonus-maximus]

My notes and (a few) theory noodles on "Fazbear Frights #4: Step Closer" ...

Once again, no epilogue commentary, since the audiobook version I listened to didn't include it.

The first two stories are good for theory fodder, but the last story is much more straight-forward and canon-based, so I don't have much to say about that one.

Obviously, spoilers under the cut.

"Step Closer"

- the story opens with our new hero, Pete, suffering a nightmare wherein he's chased around his bedroom by Foxy. The nightmare ends when Foxy's hook slams into Pete's eye, popping it in its socket, and Pete wakes up with a scream.

- "Pete was ... drinking cherry cola while chewing watermelon gum."

- Pete is 16 y/o and, in the wake of his parents divorce and his mother getting sole custody of the kids, he is the unwitting constant babysitter to his younger brother, Chuck. Their mother has dumped a lot of responsibility on Pete since splitting from their father, telling Pete that he's "the man of the house" now, while Pete just wants to be a simple high schooler, not play parent to his brother.

- Pete perceives Chuck as little more than a "whiny little snot" who's always upset about something or other.

- Chuck has asthma and braces. He also loves RPGs, apparently.

- Chuck wants to hang out at Freddy's Pizzeria with his friends after school and, although he hates the place himself, Pete is forced to take him and watch over him while his brother plays arcade games with friends. While here, Pete overhears two employees talking about how the Foxy the Pirate animatronic is down for maintenance.

- Pete runs into one of his classmates/friends, a girl named Maria, who is also stuck here with a younger sibling. We learn that Pete used to play football in their school, but kept getting in trouble for "unnecessary roughness and having a bad attitude" so he just got frustrated and quit. Maria invites Pete to come hang out with her and some other classmates later that evening, but Pete has to decline due to his new job of minding his brother. He's not happy about having to turn down an opportunity to hang out with his friends, and snippily calls his brother "Chuck the chump."

- "Everything was about Chuck. Nothing mattered when it came to what Pete wanted."

- "Dad left. Mom was off in her own little world. They just thought they would put Pete in charge of Chuck, because they didn't have time to deal with him themselves. But Pete had never signed up to take over their responsibilities!"

- "Pete just had so many emotions, he didn't know what to do with them. Sometimes he felt like a ticking bomb about to go off. ... He hated these feelings. He hated everything sometimes."

- Giving into his anger, Pete grabs Chuck by the arm, bullying his brother into going to the maintenance closet with him. Chuck has always been scared of Foxy, and cries and hiccups the whole way.

- The boys see melted candles and strange symbols on the floor, but Pete is too focused on Foxy to think much about them. Activating Foxy's control switch, he picks Chuck up and forces him onto Foxy's little stage area, but Chuck panics and manages to fight Pete off and run away. In their fight in the maintenance room, Pete's shirt gets caught on a nail stick out from somewhere, and he is trapped alone with Foxy.

- Foxy finally begins moving, dancing and singing a song about losing an eye and an arm to become a pirate, Pete is trapped in place, too close to the moving robot. Pete feels that the robot is glaring down at him, and is too scared to move. Once Foxy has powered back down, Pete is able to move around, although he is disoriented for a minute, and take a minute to even remember where he is or why he came back there.

- Chuck is too scared of his brother to tell their mother what happened.

- Their mother announces over dinner that she's decided they should all become organ donors, saying that it's "something they can do as a family." (Which is just... the weirdest thing ever??? Literally what the hell, woman???) Pete snaps at her, asking her why she wants to "get rid of their body parts," but she just waves off his concerns. Neither boy is happy with this announcement, and are both understandably confused as to why their mother would sign them up to be organ donors just on a whim, and without consulting them.

- The nightmare sequence from the opening of the story takes place that night / the next morning, and Pete's morning begins with him running to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Chuck stands outside the bathroom door, worriedly listening to his older brother heave into the toilet.

- Chuck wishes his relationship with Pete was better, and mostly just wishes his brother was happier, and not so angry all the time.

- Their family's last name is 'Dinglewood,' apparently. Pete gets mocked and bullied at school, and gets called 'Dingleberry.' (Which, in parts of the United States, is an insult along the same veins as 'idiot.')

- Pete doesn't remember his nightmares the next day, but he feels exhausted, like he spent the night fighting for his life. He also feels anxious, like he's in constant danger. But he still goes to school anyway. In school, one of his classes is dissecting frogs, but he trips, and almost gets one of the dissection scalpels in the eye.

- Pete gets a text from his mother asking him to pick up her order from the butcher shop on his way home from school. He goes, even though he feels nauseas and dizzy, refusing to tell her that he's sick. At the butcher shop, a meat cleaver mysteriously falls from a hook hanging from the ceiling, almost slicing off his hand. The butcher remarks that it's nearly impossible for any of his implements to fall off their hooks, and assumes that Pete was playing with the knives and stuff.

- Stressed, Pete chugs cola and chews gum as soon as he gets home. He's hungry, but too nauseas to eat.

- Belatedly, he realizes that he didn't pick Chuck up from school, and that, due to his getting sick in the bathroom that morning, Chuck was running late and didn't catch the bus. Chuck went to school and returns home by himself without any fuss, and promises not to tell their mother. (Pete is supposed to accompany Chuck everywhere, and their mother would lose it if she learned "her baby" was out by himself.) The two brothers get into a fight, but then Chuck, knowing that Pete hasn't eaten anything all day, makes his brother a PB&J sandwich as a peace offering.

- The boys talk about their mother's new interest in organ donation. Chuck realizes that the conversation makes Pete uncomfortable, and proceeds to heckle his brother by describing in detail how doctors cut open donors' bodies to get the organs. Pete nearly throws up again, and is forced to retreat to his room.

- Pete chews a lot of bubblegum (watermelon flavor) and drinks a lot of soda and energy drinks throughout the story. They seem to be his go-to things when he's stressed or angry.

- Pete passes by a construction site on the way to school the next day, and is forced to walk under some scaffolding. A blade flies out of a buzz saw, and almost cuts off his hand when he reaches up to deflect it on reflex. His wrist is cut, and the sight of his own blood is enough to make Pete nearly pass out. Construction workers come to make sure he's okay, and medical responders are called.

- His mother frets and worries over him at home. She's so worried about him, she wants to rearrange her work schedule so she can drink him and Chuck everywhere from now on, not wanting anything to happen to them. (Their mother reads to me like a person who has already lost someone, and is really anxious over the prospect of losing another. Which fits with the whole 'Pete and Chuck being stand-ins for the Afton brothers' bit, since the Afton brothers are canonically raised for at least a bit by a single parent who has already lost a child and would believably be worried about losing the other two.)

- Their father (whose name is Bill... y'know, as in William/Bill. That's not pointed at all. /sarcasm) also comes to check on Pete, to make sure he's okay. It's the first time either of the boys have seen their father in almost six months now, and Pete isn't sure what to make of the attention.

- Dad Bill decides that Pete's injury is minor, and takes Pete with him on an impromptu fishing trip, against Pete's will or his mother's better judgement. On the fishing trip, Pete receives a lecture from his father about treating his brother better, and grinds his teeth through the whole thing, wishing he'd brought his gum with him. He finds it irritating that his parents are apparently allowed to get divorced and upend his entire life without paying any heed to how he feels about it, but he's not allowed to be sad or upset about it at all.

- Bill initiates The Sex Talk, and Pete shuts it down really fast, not wanting to get into it. During the conversation, Pete realizes that his father doesn't believe that his injury came from an accident, and that he thinks Pete hurt himself on purpose; this annoys Pete, who thinks his father should know him better.

- Bill tells Pete that he's always available if Pete needs to talk to someone, and Pete finally snaps, lashing out at his father, who just left him and Chuck with their mother, moved across town, and never visits and rarely even talks to them over the phone. We also learn that Bill works odd hours.

- "[Pete] could just cry right now. But crying hurt even worse than just getting mad, so he decided on the mad."

- While Pete finally vents out all of his frustrations to his father, the wind carries another fisherman's line through the air just as it's being casted, and the hook imbeds itself in Pete's cheek, right below his eye. The line attached to the hook pulls taut, and Pete is almost pulled into the lake they're fishing on, but is caught and carefully pulled back just in time by his father, who uses a hunting knife to cut the pulling line. Pete is overcome by the pain and the fear of almost losing his eye again, and just bursts into tears in his father's arms.

- Their mother (Audrey, apparently) blows a gasket over this new incident. She's angry that Bill took Pete out against her will, and that her son got hurt again because of it. Chuck watches in concern as Pete is trooped through the house, his face bandaged up; Pete is clearly a wreck by this point, physically injured and emotionally spent.

- Chuck goes to check on his brother while their parents fight in the background. He's never seen his older brother look so scared and vulnerable, and it doesn't sit well with him. He gets Pete to tell him about all of the incidents, and decides that he's going to figure out what mysterious force has it out for his brother.

- The following day sees Pete spending time in Chuck's room, the only place where he feels safe, and plays video games with Chuck. It's the first time in a long time that the two brothers enjoy spending time together. When alone, Pete watches a lot of TV, vaguely aware of his mom hovering nearby, making sure he's okay.

- Chuck hypothesizes that Pete needs to face the Foxy animatronic again, recognizing the pattern of Pete almost losing an eye or an arm, much like the song he heard the robot singing. Pete gets angry, accusing Chuck of trying to scare him in retaliation for all the times Pete has messed with him over the years. He throws Chuck out of his room, and, once he's alone, begins crying to himself.

- That night, Pete has trouble sleeping, feeling like he's being watched, and thinking he sees something moving outside his window. He hears something open the backyard gate, and then thinks he hears a door opening, and footsteps in the house. He stays in his bed, trying to convince himself that he's only imagining it, even as he hears his bedroom door open and footsteps approach his bed. Finally, he looks up to see Foxy standing over him, just as the robot's hook comes sailing down at his face. He gets up to run, but the robot's hook pops his eye, and the robot's foot crushes his hand, then tears his hand completely off. Pete wakes up from the nightmare screaming in terror and phantom pains.

- On Monday, Pete walks into school, and almost walks back out again when coming face-to-face with a sign for the school upcoming pirate-themed homecoming carnival.

- Pete talks with his friends before school, and, when nothing goes wrong the rest of the day, he starts to feel better. Like everything is back to normal, and like he's just as safe as he's ever been, and not under some weird robo-Fox curse. That is, until he visits a booth his friend Maria is running at the school carnival and gets his entire hand caught in a Chinese finger trap. He is unable to get it off, and it gets tighter and tighter even when he isn't doing anything, cutting off his circulation. Maria apologizes and cuts it off of his hand when she sees how panick-y he's getting; by the time she gets it off, Pete's circulation is so bad that his hand now looks purple. Genuinely upset by what just happened, Maria tries to apologize to her friend again, but Pete runs off in a haze.

- He ends up in a mirror maze, and gets lost quickly. He runs into a dead-end, alone, only to see a fox-faced pirate in the reflection behind him. Panicked, he begins running through the maze, trying to find the exit. The fox pirate follows him in the mirrors. Eventually, Pete escapes by punching the fox pirate in the nose, then running away while the fox pirate "puts a hand to his mask." (This makes it sound like he was being chased by another person in the maze, who just happened to be wearing a pirate costume a fox mask for some reason, but then why did he only see their reflection, and not their body beside him?)

- Now fully panicking, Pete runs blindly without looking where he's going. He runs past a dart-throwing booth, and gets hit by darts that stick in his hand and face. He runs past a parrot that calls out "Lose an eye! Lose an arm!" and he nearly goes ballistic. He gets grabbed by a teacher, who tries to calm him down, but Pete starts babbling to himself about "he's after me" (meaning Foxy) and "he was right, and I need to apologize" (meaning Chuck).

- "I have to go back to the point of origin, where it all began. I have to face the villain."

- Hysterical, Pete runs away, wanting to get to either his brother Chuck or the Foxy animatronic, not minding when he slams into things and bruises himself on the way. He pulls out his phone and leaves a message for Chuck, apologizing for his treatment of his brother, and saying that he's going to go back to see Foxy. This is when he runs into the street, not paying attention to anything around him, and is hit by a truck.

- Hearing the message from his brother, Chuck escapes school, heading straight to Freddy's, refusing to let his brother do this alone. He tries to get to the maintenance room undetected, and, once there, he looks around with his flashlight, trying not to cry or hiccup from fear. He gets worried when he can't find his brother, and tries to call Pete, crying and hiccupping heavily when he gets no answer.

- "This wasn't about his fears. This was about *his brother.*" Good on you, Chuck!

- Chuck decides to get a closer look at Foxy, wanting to learn why the animatronic has been bothering his brother so much. He gets interrupted by a call on his cell phone, and he hears his father's voice when he answers. Sounding terribly sad and broken up, his father tells him about Pete's accident.

- Chuck joins his parents at the scene of the accident, and finds the three of them standing in front of a gurney. Pete's body is on the gurney, and Chuck watches as his brother is taken away in a body bag, and, suddenly, he no longer has a big brother.

- Pete's spirit lingers, attached to his body as it's taken to the hospital. One of the doctors examining his body remarks that Pete's eyes are frozen open. Realizing that he's dead and, as an unwitting organ donor, about to be cut open for parts, Pete begins hysterically crying out for his parents, knowing they can't help him but calling out anyway, saying he's "not ready to give up his organs!" and insisting to the doctors "You can't take my organs before I'm dead!"

- The doctors need to remove Pete's hand and eyes first, as they're a match for an existing patient and they need to be put on ice and prepped quickly. Hearing Foxy's pirate song in his head, Pete is forced to watch as his body is taken apart.

- Several weeks later, Chuck feels lonely at home, and keeps hoping to turn around and find Pete standing there. His father has moved back in, both mom Audrey and dad Bill wanting to start their marriage again, trying to move past the tragedy. They've closed the door to Pete's room, leaving it as an untouched memorial to their lost child. (Is this why Elizabeth's room is seen empty in FNAF4? She's already gone, but the family keeps all her stuff in memory of her?)

- Chuck feels the need to get back to Freddy's, to see Foxy. He's replayed Pete's message over and over in the past weeks, and he needs to know why his brother is dead. He feels out of place at Freddy's, a place of birthday parties and games and happiness, while he feels nothing but loneliness and sadness. Once again, he sneaks into the maintenance room, and goes straight to Foxy's stage.

- "This is for you, Pete! I'll beat the villain, and finish the game!"

- But, Foxy doesn't show. There is no pirate song for Chuck to hear. There's nothing but silence and emptiness, and Chuck is left without any answers.

- ... So... Pete and Chuck are pretty obvious stand ins for the Afton boys, right? An angry older brother that bullies his wimpy, crybaby little brother? That sounds pretty familiar.

- It doesn't help that their dad is literally named 'Bill.' Or that the angry older brother gets suddenly killed, and his organs removed (akin to Michael getting scooped).

- So this basically tells us what had previously been implied a few times: Michael doesn't particularly dislike his brother, but is mad at William/their mother, and doesn't like playing constant babysitter, so he takes all his anger out on his brother, who is smaller and can't fight back.

- I think this story also tells us that William really *does* care about his kids, even if he doesn't always show it. At least, that's how Dad Bill read to me.

- I liked that it was pointed out that Chuck likes RPG games, and that Pete has this safe, calm period where he's just hanging out and playing these games with his brother. It reminded me of my favorite theory for the 'FNAFWorld' game, which is that the game is created by Crying Child haunted arcade cabinets in an attempt to communicate with his brother, Michael.

- But also, like... The boys saw evidence of a ritual of some kind being performed on Foxy??? And that's never explained or brought up again??? Wth??? (EDIT: apparently this relates to the epilogue somehow. I'll have to look up the epilogue at some point to make any further commentary.)

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"Dance With Me"

- our main character, a young woman named Kasey, snatches a mother's purse outside of a "kiddy restaurant" called Circus Baby's Pizza World; the woman and her two small children (a boy and a girl) are understandably upset

- Kasey is homeless, and has been since her mom (a neglectful, abusive woman who never wanted to be a mother) and her mother's boyfriend (an equally terrible person) kicked her out of her home when she was only 16. At this point, Kasey lives in an abandoned warehouse with two men named Jack and AJ, who are her fellow thieves and partners in crime.

- (Boy I hope "AJ" here is named after the dude from "Random Encounters." That would be pretty cool!)

- among the other more useful things in the woman's purse that Kasey stole, there's also the candy and toys that the kids got from the restaurant. One of the items is a pair of cardboard glasses, which, when Kasey decides to try them on, show her a blue-tint of the world around her and an image of Ballora dancing in the distance. At first, she only sees Ballora outside of Circus Baby's Pizza World, and the first time it happens, she's filled with a sudden emptiness and desire for love and beauty, two things she's never had in her life. Her partners, Jack and AJ, don't see Ballora when they try them on.

- Wondering if Ballora only shows up outside of Circus Baby's, Kasey tries them on in a different location. This time, when she sees the dancing robot image, it makes her dizzy and fills her with unease.

- AJ and Jack love partying and drinking when they can steal the cash for it, but Kasey grew up with a mother who went out partying and came home late, wasted and no use around the apartment, and Kasey wants nothing to do with that lifestyle.

- Kasey has never even heard of the character Ballora up until yesterday, but now she can't stop thinking about the dancing robot, and even has random dance related words popping into her head out of nowhere (including "pirouette" and "twirling")

- Kasey goes for a walk through a park, casing out the neighborhood for a potential spree she and her partners will go on later that evening. In the park, she watches enviously as small children are watched and cared for by loving mothers. She becomes overcome by the desire to see Ballora again, and puts on the glasses, smiling as she watches Ballora dance through the park.

- At this point, it becomes clear that, although she should just be a holographic image on cheap plastic/cardboard toy glasses, Ballora is affecting the world around where she appears to be dancing. As she spins in place at the park, the falling leaves flow around her, caught up apparently in the wind caused by her movements. Kasey also notices that Ballora appears to be closer to her, as she can now make out more details about Ballora's design than she could before.

- (In "Coming Home," we will learn that ghosts can't be seen by the living, but they can affect the world around them, including making leaves move in the air around them in this same manner. So could this mean that Ballora is and/or represents someone who's died?)

- "[Ballora's] face was clown-like, but, unlike most clowns, Ballora wasn't smiling." ... "Ballora was looking at Kasey and didn't like what she saw."

- Understandably, Kasey doesn't appreciate being judged by an imaginary robot.

- That night, Kasey steals another purse, this time from a college student outside a dance club. She goes to cut the purse straps with scissors, but gets bumped from behind, and ends up accidentally slicing the girl's arm. This upsets her just as much as her victim, and she runs away quickly.

- "Kasey hadn't meant to hurt her. ... Spilling blood changed things." "Kasey hadn't meant to cut her, but she couldn't exactly claim to be innocent."

- "It hadn't been worth the effort, or the bloodshed."

- Kasey and her partners walk past the same park again, on their way to case another location. Kasey notices the leaves still spinning in the same way they were yesterday, when Ballora was dancing in that spot. She puts the glasses on and sees Ballora still there, as though she never left.

- Kasey gets the feeling that Ballora is getting closer every day.

- She wants a second set of eyes, and Jack and AJ agree to try the glasses again. When they see nothing, when she clearly does, they worry about her mental wellbeing. Jack takes the glasses from her and, while she watches, throws them away in a nearby dumpster, which instantly fills Kasey with relief. "No glasses, no problem."

- While Kasey feels better without the glasses (and thinks clearer, much to her partners' relief), she goes to get them back. She worries that Ballora will somehow follow her, glasses or no, and she wants to at least be able to see her potential attacker coming.

- When brainstorming where to strike next, one of the guys suggests purse/wallet snatching at Circus Baby's again. Kasey is immediately repulsed by the idea, afraid to go back to that place.

- That night, she becomes paranoid that Ballora is coming for her. (When Kasey first saw the dancing image of Ballora, she thought the dancing robot was beautiful, and the image filled her with a longing for a mother's love; now that Ballora is closer, and Kasey can see her better, she's afraid of the dancing robot.)

- "[Ballora] was beautiful and horrible at the same time."

- Too afraid that Ballora will get her if she stays in one place for too long, Kasey packs up her stuff and runs away, leaving her partners behind. She knows she'll miss Jack and AJ, as they "were like brothers to her." (Two brothers and a sister, you say???)

- Hopping a bus to go to Memphis, Kasey ends up sitting next to a motherly old woman. The old woman is kind, holding genuine conversation with Kasey, and even sharing food with her. The old woman recognizes that Kasey is running away from something, and offers her the advice that "problems tend to follow you, and catch up with you eventually." (That's not forshadowing at all, I'm sure. /sarcasm)

- In a new town, Kasey gets a job doing the dishes at a diner. She gets caught stealing tip money from the head waitress, and the waitress yells at her and tries to get her fired. For some reason, this incident reminds her of Ballora (I think possibly the waitress' attitude reminds her of her mother, and that in turn makes her think of the confused feelings that Ballora gives her) and she decides to put the glasses on again when she goes outside. Seeing the dancing robot makes her feel scared and dizzy.

- Kasey has a dream where she goes to a theater and watches Ballora perform. Ballora dances under purple and gold signs that read "Liar!" and "Thief!" and "YOU"

- The next day, Kasey runs away again. She puts on the glasses again, telling herself that this is the last time, and sees Ballora is now only a few feet away from her (20 steps, apparently). She admits to herself that she didn't really make a "fresh start" for herself by running away, and that, like Ballora, her own human flaws and bad habits (stealing, lying, taking advantage of people) have followed her. She decides to go somewhere new and try again, promising herself to get away from her bad habits and away from Ballora.

- She goes to Nashville next, promising herself to do better. She runs into another maternal woman, this one working at a clothing store Kasey goes to (looking to buy an outfit for a job interview). The woman is kind, and doesn't judge Kasey's awkward speech or bedraggled appearance, and makes Kasey feel hopeful for her future. (The woman wears yellow, and mentions having three kids.) Despite the woman's kindness, and her promises to herself, Kasey steals from the store; she sees the leaves on the ground outside start to spin in the air, and knows Ballora is there, watching her and judging her actions.

- "She just kept imagining Ballora's long, sharp nails... her teeth!"

- Kasey runs back to hide in her motel room, feeling like Ballora is chasing her. Inside, she hears a scratching on the window, but sees nothing... until she puts on the glasses, at which point she sees Ballora outside the window, leering in at her.

- Deciding to return the glasses, Kasey hitchhikes back to where she first stole that purse in front Circus Baby's Pizza World. She puts on the glasses once during the trip, and sees Ballora attached to the outside of the passenger window of the truck she's hitched a ride in, still leering at her.

- Wearing a red dress (the one she stole from the store), Kasey approaches the home of the purse's rightful owner. She feels Ballora following behind her, and watches the fallen leaves swirl around her. (*insert "Ballora will follow you" audio clip from Sister Location here*) As soon as Kasey rings the doorbell, fully commiting to returning the stolen items, she sees all the swirling leaves scatter in a sudden, strong gust of wind, and she feels Ballora leave her.

- Kasey apologizes to the woman whose purse she stole (Sarah), and promises to pay her back for everything she stole. The woman forgives her, and invites her in for tea. (This is the second time the name Sarah has come up, I think.)

- Inside, Kasey returns the glasses to the little girl, who is named Isabella and has big blue eyes. Excited, Isabella promptly puts on the glasses, cries out in delight when she sees Ballora, and then starts dancing.

- Mainly, this story just works hard to beat you over the head with the idea that Ballora represents somebody's mother.

- It doesn't outright state whose mother she represents, but, given her strong associate with Circus Baby (Kasey first sees her outside of Circus Baby's Pizza World, and Kasey ultimately ends the story while wearing a red dress, like Circus Baby canonically wears), and the subtle references to groups of three children/siblings (Kasey viewing herself and her partners as two brothers and a sister, one of the maternal women Kasey runs into mentioning having three kids...), and Ballora being associated in Kasey's dream with the colors purple and gold (neither colors being strongly presented in her design, but carrying specific meanings in this franchise, conjuring images of William and Michael and Golden Freddy/the youngest Afton boy), I would say the theory that Ballora represents Mrs. Afton in some way is a pretty decent one.

- Also worth noting -- this story made me think a lot of "1:35 AM." Kasey's character made me think of Delilah in some ways, and some of the ways she tries to escape Ballora mirrored Delilah's trying to escape Ella. The woman that Kasey meets in the clothing store is even described with similar visuals to Delilah's next door neighbor! I don't know if this is lazy writing, or if these stories are supposed to be similar for some reason.

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"Coming Home"

- aka, Susie's story. (and anyone In The Know should have a pretty good idea already of what this story may be)

- little Susie has named the big tree in her yard 'Oliver'

- Susie associates people's voices with colors. She also apparently senses things that others often don't, according to her grandmother.

- Susie is 7 years old. Her sister, Samantha, is one year younger than her.

- her mother and Samantha are both sad here lately, and Susie doesn't understand why.

- "Her mom kind of got stuck. Like she was a wind-up toy that hadn't been wound up all the way."

- Susie plays with cooking toys, wearing a pink apron and pretending to be a chef in a restaurant. She has a bedroom with a purple theme, with lots of animal plushies and dolls, which she often pretends are at a big party.

- Susie lives with her mother and sister in a big yellow house with 'gingerbread fringe.' Her father used to live with them, but he left awhile ago, because "it's too hard" and he "needs space." (After finishing the story, I have some... less than kind words about her father, and how he just leaves his wife and younger daughter like this. I understand his pov, but still... )

- Samantha is quiet and cautious, but also has a bad temper, and is constantly angry. Her schoolmates bully her, but Susie overhears one of them say that they "can't blame [Samantha]" for how she acts.

- Throughout the story, Susie complains about smelling something weird, and compares it to old leftovers or rotting meat.

- Also, no one ever directly engages with her. Her mother and sister both speak and answer each other, and they both enter Susie's room at different points, her sister angrily kicking at Susie's toys, and her mother just sadly looking around before bursting into tears.

- (In case it isn't clear, Susie isn't alive in this story. This takes place two years after Susie was abducted and killed, and now she is projecting herself / haunting her mother and sister. Later clues in the story also tell us that her family know what happened to her, how she was abducted and killed, and maybe even who did it; it's unclear exactly how much they know.)

- Susie goes to bed, but is awoken by a strange thumping and tapping sound at 11:50 pm. She goes to investigate, but stops when she hears Samantha announce "There's nothing out there. Back to bed." (This is the first time in the story that anyone has spoken to Susie, but it sounds more like Samantha is talking to herself.)

- Unknown to Susie, her mother, Patricia, talks to her best friend Jeannie over the phone, seeking comfort. She expresses that she doesn't know what to do with Samantha (mentioning that Samantha is 8 years old), or what to do with herself, either. She feels that her happiness was stolen from her, and she hates that Samantha has had her childhood stolen, her little girl forced to grow up and take care of Patricia while the grown woman falls into a depression she doesn't know how to fight.

- Still curious about the strange footsteps sounds, Susie keeps looking out the windows. She sees something big walking around outside in the dark, its head moving around, looking into the house. Finally, as midnight rolls around, she goes to open the front door, coming face to face with the animatronic Chica, who she greets with a sad "Is it time to go back already?"

- Susie, considering Chica's cupcake: "She didn't know what the candle meant. One day? One year? ... One child?"

- Patricia and Samantha both hear a strange sound during the night, but don't know what it is.

- The next day, Patricia meets with Jeannie, who does her best to comfort her friend and help her grieve for her lost child.

- "Your daughter was murdered by a serial killer in a place where she should have been safe."

- Susie was wearing her favorite outfit when she was taken - a hand-knitted sweater, magenta with pink stripes, and blue jeans with rhinestones. She also has her ears pierced, and likes to wear colorful earrings.

- While this is Susie's story, it's not so much a story about Susie herself as it is a story about her family grieving for her. It's a story about the real underlying horror and tragedy of the FNAF storyline - a madman taking the lives of children, turning those children into monsters that are kept in constant states of pain and despair, and their broken families left behind, while the audience can do nothing to stop or fix it.

- After a conversation with a classmate, Samantha realizes that the strange sounds she hears at night could be Susie's lingering spirit haunting her. We learn that the house backdoor, which is in the kitchen, always opens by itself shortly before midnight. (It's opened by Susie's spirit, but Samantha doesn't know that.) Samantha also feels like bugs are crawling up her legs when she goes to bed (probably an effect of Susie trying to climb into bed with her).

- Samantha goes to a therapist to deal with the trauma of having her sister and best friend taken from her. While at a session, Samantha admits that her last memory of her sister is of the two of them having a fight, and she thinks that Susie was distracted by their fight, and that's why Susie was so easily taken. (The poor girl is only 8 y/o and has survivor's guilt, and has apparently had it since she was 6. D: I am going to cry on her behalf.)

- Ghost!Susie gets tired of listening to her sister talk about a math lesson from school, and blows in Samantha's ear. Samantha freezes up and falls silent, terrified.

- Susie haunts her sister without realizing it, just wanting to be near her family again. Her sister, Samantha, only knows that she hears creepy sounds and feels things touching her out of nowhere, and she's understandably spooked by the sensations.

- Susie draws pictures on papers in Samantha's room, trying to ask her sister about the whereabouts of a doll they both shared. Samantha is startled to find drawings she didn't make sitting on her desk, and she doesn't know what they're supposed to be.

- Samantha's favorite story to read with her mother before bed is a book called "the Happy Ghost," a story about a man who dies and waits for his family to join him. It makes her feel sad and lonely, and it makes her mother cry, but they still read it every night.

- Samantha has a nightmare about Chica chasing her through the house. She wakes up only to find that it's not a dream - the animatronic is really in her room, staring her down.

- Susie is attached to Chica, but can't really control her. It's unclear if anyone or anything really is controlling Chica in this instance, as the robot seemed to just sort of... chase Samantha around for no real reason? Samantha is trying to help Susie's spirit move on, and it's implied that Chica is trying to prevent that, but that doesn't make a lot of sense, since (as far as I know) Chica is just an automaton, with no mind or personality of her own. She has to be controlled by something, but if Susie isn't in complete control of her, I'm not sure what is. (This could be a Fetch-like scenario, where Chica feels Susie's emotions and basic desires, but not the real purpose behind it.)

- Samantha finds the missing doll, and finally comes face to face with the ghost of her dead sister, who was apparently still partially attached to the doll (which seems to be the sole reason Susie is able to haunt her family's home). Susie hugs her sister, then returns to the pizzeria with Chica. Samantha is finally able to mourn the loss of her sister.

- I don't really have much to say about this story. The heavy focus on William's victims (both the kids he killed and their families) just makes me think Scott or one of his writing team members was just like "Y'know... I think the murderer gets the spotlight too often. People like him too much. The fans need to be reminded why this guy is the real monster of the story."

- It *is* weird that no dogs are mentioned in this story though, since historically it seems that it's always been implied that Afton lured Susie by talking to her about her dog.

[whereisstevethestove]

to have a heart

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Virgil, Logan, Patton, Remy, Emile, Roman(mentioned), Janus(mentioned)

Relationships: Familial Logan/Janus/Patton, Familial Remy/Virgil

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Happy Ending, Depression, Car Accidents, Loss of a loved one, Major Character Death, Mourning, Heart Transplants 

Word Count: 1821

Summary: Patton's day was going great- he'd just sent off his twin sons to carpool to school, he was almost ready for work...

Tragedy strikes when you least expect, doesn't it?

Notes: Happy Valentines!  I almost didn’t finish this because of all the feelings I got from writing it, but here’s a baby gift to the fandom, I love ya’ll.

You're always too young to lose a child.

At least that’s what Patton thought as he sat by his son’s bedside, carefully running his thumb over his son’s hand.  

He’d gotten the call earlier that morning.  The one that all parents hate, one saying that your kids had been in a car accident, that one son had been dead upon arrival, the other in critical condition.

What kind of drunk driver is out at eight thirty am?

Patton blinked away tears and looked up at the heart monitor.  It was steady, everything was fine.

Except that his beautiful, smart son would never have a thought again.  Braindead, and even though he had enough functioning to breathe and have a heartbeat, he wouldn’t even wake up again.

Logan had prided himself for big thoughts, with questions that stumped Patton, with musings at three am with his twin…

And now he didn’t even have that.

The door to the room opened and Patton looked away from his son to see a nervous looking doctor standing there, his head tilted down.

“May I speak with you?”

“Sure.”

The man moved to sit in the only other chair and he tapped his feet together once he was sitting before looking at Patton.   “I apologize for your losses.”

Patton gave him a watery smile before looking down at Logan.  “Thank you.  But that’s not the reason why you’re here, is it?”

“No.”  The doctor cleared his throat.  “My name’s Dr. Emile Picani.  I’m a heart surgeon a few floors down.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Emile smiled and looked down.  “I wish these were different circumstances why I’m here.  But Logan signed up to be an organ donor when he got his learner's permit.”

“I’m aware, I helped him with the paperwork.”  Patton ran his hand over Logan’s again.  “You can cut to the point.”

“There’s a boy who needs a heart.  Here, in this hospital.  Uh, I have his paperwork if you want to look over it, but he’s been in and out of this place his whole life.”

Emile offered the papers to Patton, who took them and set them in his lap.  “You want my son’s heart.”

“I understand that this is a horrible time, but with Logan’s condition, keeping him on life support is a cruelty, not a mercy.”  Emile wrung his hands and looked at the comatose boy.  “And you deserve time to mourn.”

“Emile, I lost both of my boys today.  What do you need?”

“Well, your consent to cut life support and also for us to use his heart.  I promise we won’t take anything else if you don’t want us too, but Logan could save a life with his.  You’d still be able to have an open casket funeral.”

Patton lifted the top paper.  “What’s the boy’s name?”

“Virgil, he’s fifteen and a half.”

“Can I meet him?”

“Of course, he’s in the hospital right now, we can go to his room if you want.”

Patton stood.  “I think I’d like to, if that’s alright.”

Emile led him out and Patton noticed that there was a cluster of morning glories on the door that they had just come out of.

“What do those mean?”

Emile looked at the flowers for a moment and smiled sadly.  “We put them outside the doors of people who have suffered a great loss.  It’s a quiet reminder to the nurses to be aware.  We use petunias in the maternity ward.”

They took the elevator down two floors and when they got to Virgil’s room, Emile knocked twice before opening the door and usering Patton in.   There was a curtain that separated the bathroom from the general sleeping area and when Emile pulled the curtain aside, a man looked up from his phone and made eye contact with Patton.

“Emmy babes, I said no visitors.  Vee’s not doing so hot today.”

Emile nodded.  “I’m sorry, but Remy, we may have found a heart donor.”

Remy’s eyes widened and he slid his phone away to stand and cross the room.  “Please don’t be lying.”

Emile gesture to Patton.  “This is Patton.  He, he has a son Virgil’s age.”

Remy turned to Patton and folded him in a hug.  “I know what that feels like.  To realize you might lose the person you love the most… I’m sorry.”

Patton hesitantly hugged back, the smell of coffee and lavender assaulting his nose as Remy squeezed tighter.

“Please, if you can, please save my brother.”

Patton blinked.   This man wasn’t Virgil’s father?  Where were the parents?  

He didn’t get an answer to either of these questions, as Remy pulled away and wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be begging you for something.”

“It’s okay.”  Patton whispered and Emile’s hand landed on his shoulder.  

“Remy, is it okay if Patton meets Virgil?”

“He’s sleeping, and I’d rather not have him wake up, but you can look at him.”  Remy stepped to the side and let Patton in so he could see the teen, who was curled on his side, dark hair spread across the pillow, another one in his arms as well.

“Oh.”  Patton murmured softly.  He looked up at Remy and nodded.

“You can have Logan’s heart.  I wouldn’t want to lose him like how I lost my sons.”

He didn’t realize he was crying until Remy had him in another hug, whispering thanks a thousand times over as Patton cried into his shoulder.

Eventually though, he had to go and Emile brought him back to the room that Logan was still in, the morning glories on the door serving as a harsh reminder to what was.

“Can I say goodbye?”

“Of course, take as long as you need.”

Patton nodded and went back into the hospital room to sit by his son and take his hand again.

“Lo… You get to rest.”  Patton didn’t bother to hold back his tears as he took a shuddering breath and sniffed.

“I’m sorry that I’ll never get to see you graduate, or ever wake up to an elaborate prank that you and Janus planned. I just wish that we had more time, you know, you deserved so much more than what you got.”  Patton let go of Logan’s to hand to bury his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t drive you and Janus to school this morning.  I know that it’s just a stupid carpool, but if you had asked, I would’ve said yes, you know me.”  He looked up and reached a hand forward to brush at his son’s hair.  “I don’t think that I can be as strong as I’ll need to be these next few weeks without you or your brother with me.”

The tiniest of smiles graced his face through the tears.  “I love you little scientist.  And I need to let you go save someone else, okay?  I’m sorry I couldn’t do my job like how you wanted sometimes, I know that you wanted to know who your birth parents were and I couldn’t find out in time… I’m so sorry.”

Patton stood and pressed one last kiss to Logan’s forehead.  “I love you star.”

Then he smoothed back his son’s hair before turning to go tell Emile that he was ready.

…

There was a line of nurses and other workers when they wheeled him away for the surgery.

A sign of respect for a sacrifice is what they told Patton.   

He didn’t care, Logan and Janus were dead and he was tired.  He just wanted to go home and call his mother and sleep before having to worry about funerals and all the sympathy that would start pouring in.

He didn’t want sympathy.

He wanted his sons back.

…

A year passed.

Patton moved through life feeling like a ghost of his former self, but he still moved forward.

Depression hit about a week after the funeral.   It was all too real at that point, with him staring at twin graves for twin boys, the offshoots of grass just starting to cover the dirt.

He didn’t know if Virgil’s heart transplant was successful.  No one had bothered to contact him, and if they had, it was lost in the fog that was his life.

He’d almost forgotten about the teen until he was doing his weekly visit to Logan and Janus and there was someone already there, a bouquet of morning glories and baby’s breath in one hand.

Patton walked up to them and they didn’t spare him a glance, the two standing next to each other before the person with the flowers spoke up.

“I didn’t know where else to find you.”

Patton turned his head as Remy crouched and set the flowers on the boys’ shared headstone.

“I see.  Is..”

“He’s doing great.”  Remy stood and looked at him.  “Do you want to meet him?”

Patton blinked and wiped at his tears.  “Sure.”

Remy nodded.  “My car’s the purple one in the parking lot.  Take as much time as you need, I’ll leave you alone with your kids.”

“Thank you Remy.”

…

Remy’s house was a small condo and Patton felt almost awkward being there as the man unlocked the door and led him into a brightly lit living area, with a tv that still was on.

Remy turned it off and offered Patton a seat, which he declined.

“Vee, there’s someone here to see you!”

A voice floated down from upstairs.   “Did Roman show up early?”

“No, your boyfriend isn’t here, come on demon spawn, they’re an important guest!”  Remy shot Patton a sheepish grin as Virgil hollered a response and a moment later, the teen was walking down the stairs to pause and stare at Patton.

Patton held up a hand in a half wave.  “Hey kiddo.”

Virgil didn’t say anything, but he walked the rest of the way down the stairs and to Patton, gently taking his hand and pressing it over where his heart was.

Thump..  Thump... Thump ….

Patton felt tears start to fall down his face as Virgil rested his free hand over Patton’s that he had placed over Logan’s heart.

“Thank you.”

Patton nodded and choked back a sob.  “You’re okay, that’s my son’s heart, he saved you, thank you, you’re okay..”

Virgil blinked up at him as Patton continued to cry as he felt a heartbeat that had been so familiar to him for so long.

Remy had exited and re-entered the room at some point, but he spoke up from where he stood.

“We, we uh usually visit their graves on Saturdays.  To thank him.”

Patton just nodded, still crying as Virgil moved his hand and shuffled forward to give him a hug.

“Thank you Patton.”

He couldn’t respond, but he rested his head carefully on top of Virgil’s just grateful for the comfort.

“Course kiddo.”  Patton whispered.

And maybe…

Maybe things looked a bit brighter after that.

[cadenreigns]

My Monster(s)

(This was an AU short story I wrote for a reddit 1-day writing contest for the star vs subreddit a long while back and later decided to add a twist ending to. While I went back and edited it a little bit, it was still something I wrote in like 2 hours so don’t expect a masterpiece. And since it’s longer than I remembered so it’s after the break)

“And that should be everything,” Dr. Backintosh said as she ticked off a few notes on her clipboard. “We’ll call you to set up a follow-up appointment once the results come in, but based on what we’ve gathered so far, I don’t foresee anything keeping us from moving on to the next phase.”

Meteora shifted in her hospital gown before feeling Mariposa squeeze her hand. The two exchanged a hopeful look before she returned her attention to the doctor. “So, you don’t think there will be any problem because of…what I am?”

The doctor looked up and gave a reassuring smile. “Ms. Butterfly, while your body may be more unique than others, you still have all the same organs and working parts we’re used to dealing with. I won’t say it’s impossible something won’t come up, but I wouldn’t bet on it.”

Meteora let out a sigh she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. “Good.”

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“I guess all that’s left is to figure out a donor,” Mariposa mused aloud as they exited the doctor’s office and made their way to her car. Meteora immediately knew that she already had an idea, otherwise she wouldn’t have brought it up. It was, after all, the part of this situation that made her the most uncomfortable. More about it probably should have made her uncomfortable, like the very basic fact that 19 was a bit young to be doing what she was. But unlike Mari, quintessential college student that she was, who had every opportunity still ahead of her, Meteora only had one major decision of her own to make. And she had decided to make it before her weird half-breed biology could mess something up about it. Everything else, like where she could live and what job she’d have, had already been decided by the government or negotiated by her parents. And while being the monster representative would be a cushy job, she wasn’t sure that’s what she would have chosen for herself.

“I’m not going to like what you’re going to say next, am I,” Meteora said, knowing the answer.

Mari put on her most innocent smile, the smile that had convinced Meteora to do so many things over the years. So many things that often ended with them in trouble. “Well, there is one obvious way that would let me be a real aunt.”

Meteora stopped in place. “Please don’t tell me you’re insinuating what I think you are.”

Mari continued to smile. “And wouldn’t you know it, today’s the day I’m supposed to go check in on him. But my evening class starts soon, hmmm.” She cupped her chin in her hand and started to tap her upper lip, something she often did when presenting an idea as just thought up instead of meticulously planned. “Maybe you could go check on him for me, see how he’s doing, have a chat about life, the universe, and medical procedures. You know, stuff like that.”

Meteora’s tail had started to swing tersely back and forth at some point, and she made no attempt to stop it. “You know I don’t like him, Mari.”

“But you’ve got no real reason not to. Besides, he’s basically just me as a guy.”

“Does it even matter to you that I don’t want to go?”

“Your future matters more.”

Meteora crossed her arms and huffed. “Fine, I’ll do it. But you should know that sometimes I really hate you.”

“Which,” she began as her smile spread mischievously, “is of course why you end up doing everything I put in your head.”

It took Meteora almost an hour to make her way to his ramshackle home at the edge of Echo Creek. Not because it was any significant distance away, if that was the case then he probably would have been outside the area her and her father’s kind were allowed to travel in, but because he had picked the most out-of-the-way spot imaginable to live. The roads that led there were little more than curvy dirt paths that were hell on her moped, each looking ready to collapse into one of the many riverbanks or ditches that lined the way, and took the most roundabout routes to get anywhere. Of course, this spot was chosen when “he” had been “them,” but he had stayed after everything…stayed for years, so she wasn’t going to give him any slack about it.

And then the trees parted and she was in the clearing, where the mountains were far enough away to be majestic instead of looming overhead. It was truly a beautiful sight…until you looked down and saw the home sitting in the center of the clearing, right at the end of the dirt road that had brought her there. Everyone called it his “house” to be polite, but it was little more than a gussied-up trailer as far as Meteora was concerned. The chicken coops off to one end while a messy garden and old minivan took up space on the other didn’t exactly improve the image it gave off. If you didn’t know he owned all the land around them you’d think it was a squatter’s camp.

The closer she got the more Meteora didn’t want to deal with this. And that feeling only grew stronger when she propped the moped on its kickstand and took her helmet off. She knew she could drive away now and just tell Mari that she had done it, that would satisfy the periodic visits she insisted on, but not the donor angle. That she couldn’t drive away from without getting an earful about later. So, after a long and drawn out sigh, Meteora stepped up to the front door and knocked.

At first there was no reply, so she knocked again. Second time was the charm evidently, as almost immediately she heard a call from inside, “I’m coming.”

A moment passed, with some rustling barely making its way through the door before she heard the lock slide in and the handle started to turn. “You know you don’t have to keep checking in on me, Mari. I can take care of myself…”

Marco Diaz trailed off when the door was fully open and he saw that it wasn’t Mari at his door, but her best friend. This man, who Meteora had known all her life and who was in surprising good shape considering that, by all accounts, he rarely actually left his so-called “house,” was the man who she despised more than anyone else in world. But Mari had made her promise not to let that come across as too obvious.

“Hey jerk-face.” Some promises were hard to keep.

“Meteora,” he replied, his brow raised in confusion.

She stepped past him and inside before he could get the chance collect his thoughts. “Mari’s got class tonight, so she sent me. You’re not doing anything stupid that would worry her, are you?”

Marco closed the door behind her and followed as she made her way down the length of the small home. Based on what Mari had told her about previous visits, she had expected more of a mess as she made her way through the small sitting area and kitchen, but the place was clean and tidy, almost sterile. The only thing even close to messy about it was a dish rag on the kitchen counter. She stopped when she came to the bedroom on the far side of the kitchen, it featured some un-fluffed pillows, not that Meteora ever bothered with that either.

“I don’t think so,” he finally replied. “You want a drink, or something?”

She shrugged. “Got any diet Pitt?”

“I see Mari’s taste for that junk finally wore off on you,” he said as he opened the fridge and reached inside. A second later he emerged with a pink can, though instead of handing it to her when she put out her hand he placed it on the kitchen table and then took a seat. “I’m surprised you bothered to come, even with Mari asking.”

“Yeah well, people don’t pick their families,” Meteora said, picking up the can without taking a seat of her own, then pulling the on the tab. It opened with the expected swoosh of bubbling liquid that was practically reassuring, even if it was generally the sign of something that wasn’t actually good for her. “I like it when she’s happy, she likes it when she knows you’re not dead because you live in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of chickens, so I guess I like knowing that too.”

Marco made what Meteora could only assume was an amused sound with his nose. “Even though you’d probably enjoy figuring out a way to set the chickens on me?”

It was Meteora’s turn to make an amused sound, which she followed by taking a huge gulp of her diet Pitt. “At this point I’m more likely to just not help when the chickens attack than actually sick them on you.”

“Well I appreciate you not hastening my demise yourself,” Marco answered back. “Anyway, I know you don’t like being here, so you can go and let Mari know that I’m in the same state I always am. Nothing to be worried or relieved about.”

“Right…” she said slowly, turning in place to survey the home again instead of looking at him. She couldn’t bring herself to really look at him and ask this question. It was bad enough she had to ask it at all, let alone of him. “Well there was one other thing I…Mari suggested I ask you…”

Meteora paused as her slow look around came back to the bedroom and something caught her eye that she hadn’t noticed before. A picture on the nightstand, one of a young woman taken over twelve years prior. Meteora had been around seven the last time she’d seen Star, and hadn’t really understood when she couldn’t anymore. No one had been able to explain it in a way she’d understood. Some had said she’d gotten sick, like so many had at the time, but everyone had cried, and then yelled. Marco had yelled most of all, and at practically everyone. And then, well then he stopped leaving this supposed “vacation home” they’d shared altogether. In fact, Meteora didn’t think anyone aside from Mariposa had seen him in person more than three of four times in the dozen years that had followed.

Trying to pull her attention back to the task at hand, she saw the home in a new light. The photo of Star was the only color in the whole place. Everything else was white or some shade of grey. And the place wasn’t just sterile, it was practically lifeless. That’s why Mari came here when no one else did, not because she was worried about him living so far out alone, but because she knew he wasn’t really living at all.

“Ask what?”

Meteora almost jumped when Marco prompted her to continue. And looking at him in that moment, with something besides the irrational anger that had plagued her thoughts of him all her life, she couldn’t bring herself to ask what she’d been sent here to. So she asked the question that had been asked of her so many times.

“Why…why do you think I’ve never liked you?”

Marco took a deep breath and looked out the window for a moment, as if considering something very carefully. But then the moment ended and she got her answer.

Meteora pushed her third can of diet Pitt to the side to sit with the others as she ran though everything Marco had told her. It all seemed crazy when he’d said it, even crazier as she thought about each part, but none of it seemed wrong either.

“Because of an old king I was raised by an abusive robot…and then ran a boarding school?”

“From what I understand, yeah.”

“And then I had to live in a car because you, while crossdressing, riled my…students into kicking me out.”

“It wasn’t my idea to cross-dress, but basically.”

“Which led me to remember that I was half monster…which led me to try and take over Mewni…”

“Which led to all the soul draining and eventually the combination of magics that turned you back into a baby,” Marco said nonchalantly before taking a sip from the water bottle he had eventually pulled out for himself. “And you just never liked me after that. I guess some emotions just get too ingrained to fade.”

“But,” Meteora started as she put the pieces together. “If you hadn’t gotten me kicked out, which let me remember what I was, which led to the magic battle…then I wouldn’t have my family, or Mari, or any part of the life I have now.”

He shrugged. “Probably not.”

“So, I’ve been angry at you all my life, because you gave me my life.”

His mouth twisted a bit before replying with, “Well it’s not like I turned you back into a baby myself, but if that’s how you see it then just know that I don’t take it personally. In fact, it’s actually kind of nice having someone not like me for a different reason than the rest.”

Meteora’s chair squeaked across the linoleum floor as she pushed herself up. The empty cans shook as she walked around the table. And Marco just looked confused when she grabbed and pulled him up by the collar. He was still a few inches taller than her, so it was an awkward position once he was up, but no less awkward than when she wrapped both her arms around him in the next instant.

Silence permeated the next few moments. Shocked silence from Marco if she had to guess, while her own was confused. Part of her still felt the urge to knock his block off, but at the same time…well another part was seeing him in a whole new way.

“Thank you,” she finally said before pulling away from him.

“No problem?” he replied.

Now the silence between them was just awkward. Though that wasn’t surprising when Meteora remembered that the only physical contact the two had ever had before that hug had usually entailed her trying to hurt him in some way.

“I gotta get going. I’ll tell Mari you’re doing fine.”

“Sure, thanks,” he said slowly before glancing out the window. “It’s starting to get dark, be careful on the way back.”

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Meteora’s tail twitched back and forth as she sat on the couch flipping through channels. She hadn’t slept well the night before and was going to be alone all day thanks to Mari’s new class schedule. Angie and Raphael usually would have been there to bother her in their good-natured way, but they were out of town. Which left her alone with nothing to do on a day that had a storm approaching and nothing worth watching on tv. So, when the phone rang, she didn’t even care that it was probably a telemarketer, at least it gave her something to do.

“Hello,” she answered.

“Ms. Butterfly, it’s Dr. Backintosh. Is this a good time?”

Meteora sat up straighter, ready to receive the news they’d been waiting for. “Well I’m on my own today, so I guess-”

“Actually,” the doctor interrupted, “it’s probably better we talk about this on our own first.”

In the distance Meteora heard the first boom of thunder.

Meteora knocked on the door, though she could barely hear her knocks over the rain and thunder that plummeted from the sky above. She knocked again a few seconds later, barely any harder though. She didn’t have the energy for it. Finally, after she forced herself to knock a third time, the door opened.

“Meteora?” Marco practically bellowed.

She didn’t reply.

“Come on, get out of the rain,” he said before taking her by the arm and pulling her inside. “Are you ok? Did something happen?”

She thought about it as she watched drops of water roll off her and start to puddle on his floor. Something had happened, though what actually mattered was what wasn’t going to happen. She didn’t say that though, just like she hadn’t said anything since hanging up the phone.

“I’ll get you a towel,” he said after a moment had passed without any reply. “I’ll be right back, okay.”

Meteora remained silent as he ran off towards the bedroom, continuing to watch the droplets join the puddle while listening to Marco frantically open and close drawers. A few seconds, maybe a minute, later he returned and the towel came down over her head. He hadn’t bothered to offer it to her, and wasn’t bothering to let her get around to actually drying herself either.

“I can’t believe you rode here in this weather,” he said while gently dabbing the towel across her face and long lilac hair. “And without even a jacket, you know it’ll be me Mariposa explodes at if you get sick.”

She still didn’t reply, just watched the droplets while he moved on to wiping off her arms.

“Ok, well whatever brought you here, you need to finish drying off first. And since I don’t think I can dry anymore myself without feeling like a creep, I’m going to push you into the bathroom. There’s some spare clothes in there, so will you please finish drying off and change?”

Meteora nodded meekly and let him lead her towards the back.

Sometime later Meteora found herself huddled at one end of his couch wearing an oversized ninja t-shirt and a pair of drawstring shorts that were loose even with the strings drawn all the way. Marco sat at the other end. They had been that way for a while, silent except for right when they’d sat down and he’d said to just ask and he’d do whatever she needed him to. She didn’t have any conscious plan to ask him for anything. She didn’t even have a conscious reason for being there, it had simply been where’d she decided to go. But suddenly, even surprising herself a bit, it started to come out.

“My life was planned out for me since Mewni became part of Earth,” she started. “Except for when I get to have a baby.”

“Ok…”

“So I was going to do it,” she continued. “Invitro and all that, because it’s my choice and it’s what I want.”

“Well I guess that’s ni–”

“But because I’m half-monster they say they can’t.” Her eyes started to well. “That something about the way I am makes it too dangerous. That the only way I could ever be a mother would be…the natural way.” The tears were rolling now. “But I’ve never felt…that way about anyone. So what am I supposed to do? I’m too much of a freak to get what I wanted and I just…I just–”

Marco stood without warning. He made his way towards the kitchen, where Meteora could hear the fridge and some drawers open and then close in succession. He returned with a six-pack of bottles and pile of old-timey VHS tapes.

“Look Meteora,” he said as he put the bottles down on the small coffee table and started shuffling through the tapes, “the last time anything bad happened to me I pushed everyone that cared about me away. And well, that’s probably not going to help you right now. So instead of trying to make you feel better, we’re going to play a little game that used to help me forget about stuff.”

He slipped one of the tapes into the VHS below the tv and hit play. The tv roared to life with an off-color title screen that loudly stated, “Fist of the Fist!”

“This,” Marco said as he sat back down and started divvying up the bottles between them, “is an early Mackie Hand movie, before he even learned English. The rules of the game are simple, take a sip anytime someone acts like they were hit but obviously weren’t, anytime the dubbing is obviously off, and anytime someone shouts an attack name.”

Meteora looked at the bottle he handed her, and then at him. “And this is supposed to help me?”

“It’s supposed to make you feel less bad,” he replied. “Actual help can start tomorrow.”

The title screen faded and a man sitting at a bar came into focus. Another man approached him and put a hand on the first’s shoulder. Their eyes met and an American voice yelled, “Time to die, Mackie Hand!” while the man’s actual mouth calmly said something completely different.

Meteora almost laughed, then joined Marco in taking her first sip.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing  /  you were so scared  /  but no one would listen,  ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

[rpf-bat]

The Hardest Part Of This Is Leaving You

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Angst, Drama

Summary: Gerard should be playing a sold-out show. Instead, he’s in a hospital bed, fighting liver cancer. Can the doctors grant him a miracle? Or, is this the end?

“We need to have this conversation,” Gerard insisted, crossing his frail arms, as he sat on his hospital bed. 

“No, we don’t,” you frowned. “The procedure is gonna be a success. The doctors are gonna cure you.”

“Honey, it’s already stage three,” Gerard confessed realistically. “You know if it progresses to stage four, I’m a goner.” 

“We flew across the country, to this hospital, so that it won’t progress to stage four,” you insisted. “I want to believe that the surgery will be a success.” 

“You can hope for the best,” Gerard sighed, rubbing his hand through what was left of his short, blonde hair, “but you have to be ready for the worst, too.” 

“I’m not ready for it,” you admitted, tears choking your voice. “I hate seeing you so emaciated, in such pain, and not being able to do a thing about it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Gerard soothed, getting up from the cot to gather you in his arms. “Cancer can affect anyone. Nobody knows why it chooses its victims.” 

“Gee, you need to get back in bed,” you insisted. You couldn’t have him falling again. “I should be the one consoling you, when you’re going through all this shit, not the other way around.” 

He slumped back onto his pillows, frowning. You remembered how he used to look in the morning, his long locks strewn out on your bed behind him as he was just waking up. He looked so gorgeous then. You remembered the horror you had felt, the first time one of those handsome strands had fallen out. And then he’d begun to lose them in clumps….

“I hate you seeing me like this,” he said softly. “I’m weak, and ugly now. I’m not the man you fell in love with.” 

“Yes, you are, Gee,” you assured him, taking his too-thin hand in your own. “I promised to stay with you in sickness or health, and I meant that.” 

“We could’ve had a nicer ceremony, if we weren’t in such a rush, because of me,” Gerard sighed. “I wish you could’ve had a big church wedding, like in the movies. You deserve that.”

Instead, you’d just gone down to the courthouse one afternoon, and signed a marriage certificate. There had been little formality to it. 

“You said you wanted to make me your wife, before the end came,” you reminded. “I could never refuse you your dying wish.”

“So you do, in fact, acknowledge that I’m dying,” your husband said, with a wry smile. 

“Maybe the doctors will give us a miracle,” you insisted hopefully. “And we can do the big ceremony, with the white dress and all that, later, once you’re feeling healthy again.” 

“I’m never going to be healthy again, sugar,” Gerard mumbled. “The sooner you accept it, the easier it’s gonna be.” 

How could you possibly accept it? Gerard was still so young. Only twenty-nine years old. He’d just recorded perhaps the greatest album of his career. 

The papers were already saying things like, he will leave behind this record, as his legacy. But, you thought he still had so many songs in him left to write. He deserved a chance to compose them, didn’t he? 

You couldn’t forget how he’d cried, when he’d had to make the announcement, that he was cancelling the rest of the tour. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans, but his condition was just deteriorating far too fast. 

His bandmates had cried, too. They knew that that last show, might be the last chance they ever had to perform by his side. They weren’t ready for the band to come to such an abrupt end. They’d played their hearts out, even with tears streaming down their cheeks. 

“You’re gonna get better,” you said stubbornly. “Then, you can reschedule those tour dates, go back to doing what you love.” 

“Y/N, please be realistic,” Gerard pleaded, squeezing your hand tighter. “Just….read it, won’t you?”

“No,” you sobbed. “No, I don’t want to read your will.”

“I spent all this time writing it,” Gerard sighed. “I put a lot of thought into it.” 

“I don’t want you thinking about who gets your stuff when you’re gone,” you cried. “I don’t want you giving up - I want to hear you say that you’re determined to live!” 

“You think I don’t want to live?!” Gerard demanded. “You think I don’t wish every day, that I could have more days, more nights, with you? You think I don’t regret spending months away, with the band, when I should have spent every single day in your arms? I wanted to be with you until your dying day. I wanted us to grow old together. And I hate the thought of you having to bury me so soon. But it’s not up to me! I only have as many days,  as God is willing to give me on this earth.” 

“God is a bastard,” you hissed, “for stealing you away from me. From all the kids who need you, too. If He’s even up there at all.” 

“Now’s not the time to go dissing the man,” Gerard chuckled mirthlessly. “If this surgery doesn’t do what you’re hoping it will do, getting on your knees to pray, will be the only option you have left.” 

You couldn’t hold back your tears. You reached over and just held him tight, squeezing him until you worried it might hurt his fragile body. But, he didn’t pull away. 

“I don’t want to let you go, Y/N,” Gerard whispered desperately. “Not now. Not ever.” 

You clung ever tighter, stroking his back gently, hating how you could so easily feel his bones. 

“I don’t wanna leave you,” Gerard confessed vulnerably. “I don’t wanna go yet.” 

You didn’t know what to say. You just kept hugging him, and crying. He was right - at the end of the day, what he wanted, might not make a difference at all. 

At last, he raised his head to look at you. “If the end comes for me, my love…” 

“Yes?” 

“You don’t wanna read it, fine, I’ll summarize it for ya,” Gerard said bitterly. “I’m leaving you everything that I got. All the money I’ve earned off CD sales, ticket sales, merch sales….all that shit’s gonna be yours. Do whatever you want with it. Buy a mansion. Buy a car. Take a vacation to Aruba, to try and forget about me.” 

“As if I could ever forget you, Gee,” you replied, shocked by the harsh tone that had suddenly entered his voice. “You’re the love of my life, don’t you know that? You’re the only one for me.” 

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Gerard warned. “I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life just...mourning me, as my widow. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Someday, I hope you’ll be able to find somebody else.” 

“I don’t want anybody else,” you vowed. “I want you, Gee. And I don’t give a fuck about the money. I don’t care if I live in a cardboard box, as long as you’re living there with me.” 

“I don’t think I’m going to be doing much living, sugar,” Gerard sighed hopelessly. “With you, or without you.” 

You heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and jumped off the hospital bed in surprise, as a nurse entered the room. 

“Mr. Way,” she said softly. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re ready to take you into surgery now.” 

You watched her wheel the gurney out of the room, towards the OR. You saw the defeated look in his eyes as he left your side, regardless of what he’d just said a few minutes ago. 

Now, all you could do was wait. You knew it might be hours before the procedure was complete. The doctors would call you when it was over, to give you the good news, or bad news. You had no way of knowing which it would be. 

You began to wander the hospital corridors aimlessly, until you came upon a small, empty chapel. You knelt down in a pew, unsure what else to do. 

Please let the doctors save him, you begged, even though you weren’t sure if anyone was listening. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“Mrs. Way?” a soft voice asked, as you felt a tap on your shoulder. It took you a second to realize the nurse was speaking to you - it had only been a short time ago, that you’d taken Gerard’s name. 

“Your husband just came out of surgery,” she explained. “He’s in room 1023. The anesthesia should be wearing off. He should be waking up soon.” 

You didn’t wait to hear any more. You rushed to Gerard’s side. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You stroked his hair as you watched him sleep. He looked like an angel. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he mumbled, a smile spreading across his face, as he stirred at your touch. You still thought he was beautiful, too, even with the breathing tubes stuck up his nose. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked gently. 

“I’m on a lot of painkillers right now,” Gerard chuckled. “So right now, I’m not feeling very much at all.” 

“The area we operated on, may hurt quite a bit later, unfortunately,” said a somber voice, and you turned to see a doctor with a clipboard, standing at the entrance to the room. 

Gerard pulled up his hospital gown, to gaze down at the bandage that now covered most of his abdomen. 

“We’re fortunate,” the doctor went on, “that a combination of aggressive chemotherapy, and trans-arterial embolization, gave us enough time to find you a donor.” 

“I know I only got moved to the top of the transplant waiting list, because I’m a celebrity,” Gerard said guiltily. “There are other people who need new organs just as much as me, who just can’t afford to be treated at the best hospitals in the country, like I can.” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Mr. Way,” the doctor cautioned. “There’s still a chance that your body could reject your new liver.” 

“What happens if it does?” you asked, grabbing hold of Gerard’s hand again. What if you came all this way for nothing? 

“If the cancer has metastasized to too great a degree, then, unfortunately, the transplant may prove ineffective,” the doctor acknowledged. 

“And then I’ll die,” Gerard realized somberly. 

“Yes, Mr. Way,” the doctor nodded sadly. “We will, of course, be administering cyclosporine to you via IV, to reduce the chances of transplant rejection. But, if you develop a fever, or if you begin to experience severe abdominal swelling, you should alert us immediately.” 

“Because the organ you just gave me, could turn traitor and kill me, too,” Gerard huffed. “Just as easily as the disease that you’re trying to cure.” 

“Cancer is one of the most difficult diseases in this world to treat, Mr. Way,” the doctor sighed. “But, we will hope for the best.” 

Hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. 

You were so sick of hearing this. You just wanted to know if the man you loved would be okay, or not! 

The doctor excused himself, and Gerard tugged on your hand as soon as you were alone, sending you tumbling into his hospital bed. 

“Careful!” you cautioned. “You don’t want to pop a stitch!”

“I just….need you in my arms right now,” Gerard said passionately. “I’m scared, Y/N.”

You complied with his request, embracing him gently. You wanted to hold him tighter, but you didn’t want to hurt him. 

“I’m scared, too,” you said softly. “We still don’t know how this is gonna end up….if you’re going to go into remission, or not.” 

“But, for tonight, I’m alive,” Gerard smiled, and wiped a tear from your lashes. “I know any moment could be my last….but I’m so happy that in this moment, my heart is still beating, and you are here, by my side.”

“There’s nowhere in this world,” you promised, “that I would rather be.” 

“Kiss me now,” Gerard begged. “And one day, if I live through this, if my body can take it, just ravish me.” 

“You know I will,” you smiled softly, and bent, and placed your lips on his. Nothing was certain tonight  - except for the love that you shared together. But, even if Gerard saw it as a foregone conclusion, you weren’t ready to give up on him just yet.

A/N: This story may be fictional, but for many people, the pain of watching a loved one go through cancer, and it’s treatment, is all too real. If you are able, please consider donating to Be The Match, an organization that helps match leukemia patients with bone marrow donors. 

https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-financially/

If you are 18+ and in good health, you can also register as an organ donor, if you wish, through Donate Life.

https://www.donatelife.net/

[megalony]

You matter

Part 2 of my Roger Taylor imagine 'your body, your choice'. Based off of the book My sisters keeper.

Enjoy.

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain beat down against her skin that felt like it was on fire. Every drop that fell was like acid burning through her skin that was pulsing with pain and the cold seeping through to her bones. Turning her head up to the sky (Y/n) relished the feeling of the rain beating down against her bruised face. Feeling the water trying its best to wash away the salt tears flowing from her reddened eyes. Failing in its mission as the tears simply fell faster.

A mix of emotions swelled through her veins that were pushing blood through faster to try and give heat against the bitter cold eating away at her. Roger's jumper and her leggings doing nothing to fight off the winter air among chunks out of her skin.

She couldn't bring herself to go inside the building she was leaning against. Knowing once she was safely in the flat she felt was her true home she would have to explain the events of the day that had broken everything around her. Shattering her world into dust leaving just the flat behind her left.

Every bone in her body screamed and rattled in its case of skin when her mind finally forced her hand to unlock the door of the building. Body doubling over as she practically crawled up three flights of stairs. Stopping at the right floor to lay out on the steps wondering if anyone would care if she simply laid there or not. Her legs shook like the earth was quaking beneath her as she fell against the wooden door with C9 slanted below the eye hole.

Her eyes didn't register her hand forcing the right key into the lock or the fact that she fell into the apartment when the door unexpectedly swung open. Usually having to use all of her weight to force it to reveal the apartment to her.

Her eyes fell shut like blinds closing for the afternoon. Body curling up into a fetal position against the wooden flooring which was turning damp from the stream of water leaking from her clothing and hair. The sound of footsteps rushing towards her blurred in her ears as she tried to curl up more. Wishing to disappear but she had no energy to crawl back out of the apartment or leave the floor she laid on.

"W- shit! Baby, what's happened?" Collapsing down on his knees Roger gently pressed his hands to either side of her neck, hissing at the coldness spiking through his skin like shards of glass. "Baby, look at me come on." He coaxed, breathing in relief when her eyes opened showing she hadn't fainted like he first worried. Her doe eyes seeming like they had lost the stars that Roger could usually see sparkling in them whenever he gazed into them.

Her body slumped as if her bones were made of jelly when Roger gently slipped his arms beneath her back and legs. Watching as she shut her eyes to try and stop the floods of tears, saying nothing as he got to his feet and set her down on the sofa a few feet in front of them.

Fear washed over Roger in waves as he watched (Y/n) simply shrink in on herself curling up against the arm of the sofa. What had happened to his girl?

Reaching over to her he tugged at her jumper silently asking if it was okay for him to remove the sodden item of clothing. Gaining the smallest of nods Roger went ahead with taking off the jumper, wondering how long she had been in the rain for. The jumper was completely dripping with water that had turned her skin like ice as her body was trembling. Roger fought with her jeans that were desperate to cling to her legs and try to give his girl hypothermia. Managing to untangle them, dumping them in a pile on the floor.

Roger didn't miss the way (Y/n) seemed to stiffen, her eyes darting around her body. The drummer knew the exact reason why, he had seen the look on her face many times before especially the first time he had seen her without her clothes on.

There were scars dotted all over her body and usually many bruises to fill in the gaps. Having been a body of spare parts for Eliza all her life (Y/n) had scars from stem cells being snatched from her. From bone marrow being taken or from blood being taken. Bruises often left behind from these escapades. Isabelle hated it. Every single mark on her body made her feel sick because it showed why her parents valued her so much. They made her remember every single bribe she had been told. How they would go out for once cream or on a holiday or play her favourite game or even that she could go to school again soon if she just gave Eliza something else she needed.

Feeling his heart breaking in his chest Roger grabbed the blanket on the back of the sofa wrapping it around (Y/n)'s frame tightly to try and give her some heat.

(Y/n) locked eyes with the blonde when his hand ever so delicately caressed her jaw, turning her head so he could scan her features. Worry surging through him at the sight of the very noticeable bruise on her cheek just below her eye that was turning a dark shade of purple. The bruise forming in her wrist hadn't escaped his notice either.

"Baby be honest with me. Has someone hurt or attacked you?" Roger needed to know if someone had hurt her which he was sure had happened. No one got to hurt a single hair on her head without repercussions.

"I've been kicked out." There was no emotion in her voice at all as she sidestepped the question Roger asked.

"Did she do this to you?" He didn't need to say her name for (Y/n) to know he was referring to he mother. His answer coming when she simply pulled away from his touch turning her head in the other direction. A silent cry left her lips that (Y/n) simply couldn't hold in anymore when she glanced at the hurt yet angered expression on Roger's face.

Reaching over he gently pulled her so she was sitting on his lap instead as he leaned against the arm of the sofa. Her head resting on his shoulder as broken sobs left her lips.

"What's happened, sweetheart?" Roger cooed, pressing his lips to her soaked hair as he gently rocked them side to side. Feeling her hand clutching at his shirt seeking any form of comfort that he could give. Hearing his heartbeat wasn't as soothing as it usually was because it was drumming harshly in his chest from fearing what answer he was going to receive. And the knowledge that her mother had somehow hurt her like he had witnessed a few weeks back at the hospital when Isabelle made the first choice ever about what happened to her body.

"I... I've killed her. Liza's kidneys have shut down a-and it's too late for a donor. She has days left because i said no."

Eliza's kidneys completely shut down and that meant there was no point getting a donor because her other working organs were going to follow shortly behind. There was nothing left to do, the golden hour (Y/n) had to change her mind had passed so if she said she would give up a kidney it wouldn't work anymore. Her sister was going to die and she had caused and allowed it to happen.

"Did you give her cancer?" Roger questioned gently.

He understood completely that she would feel responsible because she as a last chance for Eliza. But at the same time, a kidney wouldn't get rid of her cancer and it would only be a matter of time before she needed something else that (Y/n) would have to give. A kidney was simply too much to ask and (Y/n) couldn't be blamed for giving her sister everything all of her life up until this point.

"I didn't help." Her words came out as a wail followed by a broken sob that shook Roger to his core.

(Y/n) loved her sister dearly. They had always been close mainly due to both being in the hospital most of their lives. But (Y/n) was being refused her own life because her sister couldn't have one and it wasn't fair. No one asked what she wanted or if she was alright they simply expected her to be fine with signing away the rights to her own body and allowing Eliza to take anything she desired.

"When you were two you gave her bone marrow in exchange for ice cream. When you were five you have her blood and stem cells for a weekend away. When you were twelve you were forced to give her more marrow and was told you could finally go to secondary school. In between that, you had everything you had because you were blackmailed into thinking that was what you had to do. Eliza would have died if you never did that and she would die if you gave her your kidney because there is no proper cure to her cancer."

No matter what (Y/n) donated to her sister Eliza would never have a proper life span. She wasn't promised a life with every donation and she knew everything she was given was only a small expansion of her life. Why should (Y/n) continue her life giving and giving when it was not working?

"Mum screamed at the doctor when he told us. She grabbed me and screamed I wasn't her daughter anymore and I killed Liza so I can't live with them anymore. I fell into the cabinet when she pushed me."

Her word came out tired and broken through her cries. She was deemed a murderer in her family for wanting control of what happens to her body. Roger was the only person in the world right now who understood what she was going through and her side of the argument.

"Listen to me, sweetheart. I am so sorry but we all know Liza is going die and I know that is so hard to hear. But you wanting a life doesn't mean you killed her in any way possible. You could have died or gotten hurt giving her a kidney and you shouldn't have to give her that when the odds were that it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. This is your home where you choose what you do with your life and your body. Deep down Liza will know you haven't said no to hurt her you said no because you matter just as much as she does and no one will ever tell you otherwise I swear it."

Roger would not stand anyone telling (Y/n) that she has less worth than anyone else in the world. She means just as much as Eliza does but her parents don't realise that. She means the world to Roger and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"You deserve to have the right to your body but you don't deserve the treatment from your family or the blame for something you cannot control. They can't see just how special you really are."

(Y/n) pressed her face into the crook of Roger's neck relishing in the heat he was supplying but more in the love he was giving too. He loved her more than anything else and he knew that she deserved to be shown how much she meant to him.

Even if her family were upset and couldn't accept that she had every right to her body Roger knew. And he would be there every step of the way to ensure that whatever choice in life (Y/n) made it was in her own terms. He showed her that she had a choice, that it meant her mind could make those decisions not that someone else had to make them for her. And she loved him even more for it.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I haven’t used my iPod since 2012. I use Spotify on my phone, but I don’t think it tells you what your most played song is. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who are driven and get shit done. What would you do with a million dollars? Sigh. I’d have to first and foremost pay off my debt. I’d also help my parents and brother out. I’d get us a new house. Traveling is a must. What’s your favorite song to dance to? I don’t dance. Well, unless you count a little head bobbin’ and maybe a little movement of my arms or shoulders. lol. What would your ideal birthday party be like? I’m 30 and old so I don’t look forward to my birthday anymore, ha. If I were able to travel for my birthday then that would be nice.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I don’t want to be reincarnated. I don’t believe in it. What talent would you like to have? A talent at all would be cool, but in particular I wish I had any artistic ability or was musically inclined.  Are you ticklish? Just my neck. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 30+ hours. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? I don’t make those anymore. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Everlong (acoustic) by Foo Fighters, Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and... I’ve having a hard time choosing a 3rd. There’s so many songs that mean something to me for one reason or another. So many memories and emotions. Who is the one person you miss the most? There’s 3 someones.  What do you think of your parents? I love them with all my heart. I couldn’t keep going if I didn’t have them. My mom and I are super close, she’s my rock. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? I don’t know what I could do. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? My sandwiches at home consist of bologna, sharp cheddar cheese, mayo, mustard, and spinach with olive oil on the side mixed with basil and oregano for dipping. At my favorite deli I get turkey, salami, provolone, mustard, mayo, and oil and vinegar. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? My doggo’s name is Princess Leia. She’s 2, but she’ll always be my puppy. (: If I were to get another dog; though... I’m not sure what I would name him/her, but it’d also be after a character. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I don’t know.  How much cash do you have on you right now? Zero. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Nothing. Would more money make you happier? It would help with a lot, but I wouldn’t be cured of my mental and physical health. I’d still have that baggage. Money isn’t magic. What is one of your favorite memories as a child? So many. I loved my childhood. It’s not that I didn’t have any struggles or obstacles, cause I did, but honestly that’s not what stands out. I was a strong, brave, resilient kid. Kid me would be so disappointed in current me. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? I’ve had a lot of struggles. How do you measure intelligence? I don’t know. There’s issues with the IQ test for one. Grades aren’t accurate representations of intelligence either; neither are exams. It’s a complicated thing.

What cartoons do you watch? Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and Doug. Have you ever used drugs? Only weed. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The red one I guess that’s the only one I liked. How would you describe your style? Very casual, ha. I wear leggings and oversized graphic tees. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? Christmas presents for my family. What’s your favorite smell and why? I have many. Where do you buy your clothes? Mostly Hot Topic, Boxlunch, and Kohl’s.  What’s your favorite kind of cake? White cake with buttercream frosting, funfetti/rainbow chip with funfetti/rainbow chip frosting, red velvet with cream cheese frosting, lemon with lemon frosting, and strawberry with strawberry frosting. Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I don’t think there is in space, but what do I know. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? I’m good right now. Are you into tattoos? Nah. Do you like photography? I mean, sure? I’m not a photographer, but I can appreciate nice photos. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? I love Christmas, but I’d probably be Halloween cause it’s dark and gloom, ha. Do you have any siblings? I have 2 brothers. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I’ve wanted to get free bird tattooed on my inner wrist for several years, but I highly doubt I’ll ever get it done. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? Jamie Lee Curtis. I met her at a book signing years ago. How many pushups can you do? Zero. What person in history do you admire most? There’s a lot of admirable people in history. Who is your favorite actor? Alexander Skarsgard. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Nothing. Have you ever lied about your age? Only back during the AOL chat room days. :X Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? Yeah, I’m not usually one to cry during a movie, at most I may tear up a little, but there’s been a few who have managed to get me. When The Fault in our Stars came out I ended up seeing it by myself cause no one else I knew wanted to see it and I was in there bawling my eyes out lmao so it was better that I went alone. The Avengers: Endgame definitely got me. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Probably a few things.  Where do you see yourself five years from now? I just gotta take it day by day. What is your favorite candy? I haven’t had any candy in like over a year, but Reese’s are always a good choice. And white chocolate.  Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Yes. Who do you look up to for your style? I don’t look up to anyone for my style.  Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t care about sports at all. How often do you drink alcohol? It’s been 6 years since I last had any alcohol.  What is your life in three words? Blah, bleh, and meh. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? Healthy. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Um, no. I’m no mother of dragons or whatever. What’s your favorite sport? None. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? Just because someone is homeless it doesn’t mean they’re dangerous. Sure, some homeless people can also be dangerous, but it’s not mutually exclusive. If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? Well, I’m skinny and miserable now. I’m not miserable because I’m skinny, but it is related to some of the issues I have and also adds to some. I just want to be healthy and happy. Period. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? I want to do something meaningful with my life.  If you were to invent something, what would it be? I have no idea. Who would you like to get to know better? No one at the moment. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I’ve had two. Do you fear death? Yes, of both losing my loved ones and dying myself. What is the strangest food you ever ate? I don’t eat anything I consider strange. I’m so picky and basic. Do you think you’re cool? Nope. I’m definitely not. What reality show would you like to be on? None. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Chow mien, pot stickers, egg rolls, and crab rangoon. I used to love orange chicken and kung pao chicken, but I can’t either one anymore due to the spicy food sensitivity I developed a few years ago. As someone who was once obSESSED with spicy food... it sucks. Are you happy with your life? No. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? Planet Nowhere. I know that’s already a thing, but shh pretend it’s not. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? Oh yikes. I mean, the future terrifies me and I don’t want live 200 years, but I am curious about what the world will be like then. Like the advancements made and such. Hopefully it’s not worse... Would you rather be hot or cold? Cold. Definitely. How would you rate yourself? In the negatives. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Not another country, but another city, maybe even another state, yes. My family and I want to move out of here. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? Hmm. Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I only take showers. I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? No. I heard they were bringing back popular ones from my childhood; though, and I kinda want to get those. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Uhhhh. I have no idea. I’m not the most spontaneous person. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? * Like, the world or jst humanity? Bc I think humanity is its own worst enemy <<< Most definitely. Do you like dogs or cats better? Cats are cute and all, but I’m a dog person all the way. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Earlier this year I got really sick and it knocked me flat on my ass, causing a lot of issues and setbacks. I didn’t think I’d be able to get to where I am now, which still isn’t good, but not like it was then. It was just really, really bad. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I probably wouldn’t even respond at all to be honest. Do you have a favorite poet? No. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Picking my nails, picking at/biting my lips, and picking at acne. Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? Put it in the bank. What was the last rumor that you heard? *shrug* What country star would you most like to meet and why? Blake Shelton. He seems cool. Have you ever been in a car accident? No. Are you an organ donor? No. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Not taking care of myself like I should be...not doing and neglecting certain things.  What is the meaning of life? Uhhh. What word do you like the sound of? I can’t think of an example right now. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry. Wow, I haven’t had ice cream in like 3 or 4 years.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? I like both.  Are you an athlete? Nope. There’s nothing athletic about me at all. What did the last text message on your phone say? I don’t feel like checking. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Hmm. I don’t know what I’d choose as the funniest movie ever of all time. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? Losing my mom in one and my brother in another. I woke up literally shaking and sobbing. What do you know how to cook? Ramen. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? The one that made me a paraplegic takes the cake I’d say. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Most of the rides at Disneyland. What do you wish you were doing right now? I’m fine with doing this. Who are your musical influences? I don’t have any. I’m not an artist or musically inclined at all. What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The popular artists and groups at that time circa 2001. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I’ll never forget this one guy in high school who actually came up to me and asked me my sign lol. How many drinks can you handle? I was a lightweight. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? A few hours. I can’t believe I actually used to spend that much time on the phone at one point. What’s your favorite candle scent? Autumnal ones from Bath & Body Works are great.

[bathalyon]

Super Junior as High School Students!

Leeteuk:

- The Best Class’s President of the year - aaaand nobody listen to him - loves to have a chat with the teachers, an attention-seeker - When the teacher is absent, he’s the one who would know it first, and ask for replacement task so everyone knows he’s in charge. - he sits on first row, beside Kibum and in front of Heechul  - LT: “Guys, Kim Seongsaenim can’t teach us today, I think he’s fall from the cliff or something, but I asked for assignment, YEAH!!” The others: “...” HC: “Let’s kill him.” - He has this one nerdy girl who always been crushing on him. He knows that but pretends to be clueless so he doesn’t have to break her heart. - Is on Charity club and Student Communication Center Club. - Wears white everyday. One time he wears all white from top to toe, and the school janitor thought he’s spirit of clean-ness - always bring wet tissue/? and handkerchief in his bag just to wipes something dirty (OCD alert)

Heechul:

- The Narcissistic Flower-Boy but has a LOT of fans - Supposed to be second-in-command but he can’t even lead himself - Trust me his personality it’s getting better every year, now people can look at him in the eye - rumored to be gay because... JUST LOOK AT THOSE FACE!1!1!1 - (un)usual things on his bag: comb, small mirror, asuka’s miniature, and marker for signing on his fans stuff - HC: *is doing something nice* HG: “What are you doing?” HC: “Uhhh, doing charity?” HG: “BUT YOU’RE SATAN!” - Sits behind Leeteuk so he can wake him up if he’s asleep in the middle of class, and beside Hangeng just because he needs translator. - Jealous of Eunhyuk since he’s the Vice-Class president. - is on Anime club and Drama-Improv Club - make a bet about whose the real gay in class, because he’s SURE he is not the only one....

Hangeng:

- The Exchange Student form China who happens to be stuck with other 14 idiots. - Lives in Students Dormitory with Zhoumi and Henry - is on Martial Arts club and Korean Language Club - Sits on Second row beside Heechul and Henry, Behind Kibum and In front of Zhoumi (Ha... good luck for imagining that...) - Teacher: *explains something* HG: “Henry, can you explain that again to me?” HR: “Idk hyung, I’m not Korean” HG: “Zhoumi, Can you..” ZM: “I’m not Korean either hyung...” HG: “Kibum, do you understand--” HC: “FOR GOD SAKE HANGENG YOU HAVE ME!” - the victim of language and culture barrier. One time Kangin was asked him what he has for a pet, instead of answered, “dog” he said, “crab” - still bring chinese lunch although it’s his third year on Korea - has the most blank faces in every classes. - his parents are rich because they are one of successor from China, but he prefer to be quiet about it than taking a risk to be robbed by his shameless friends (as in 13 of them, except Siwon)

  Yesung:

- The weird guy who makes you question things - his fashion style kinda emo but rebel/? - sits on fourth row, beside Shindong and behind Eunhyuk, all he do is sleep in class - is joining the school band as vocalist. Guess what their genre is... yup, EMO. - when he’s bored he goes to people on the second row to touch their philtrum. But he ends up getting slapped by Heechul. - Cass: *in chaos* YS: *humming in song* “Is there anything I could help?” KB: “Yes hyung, we need you to shut up!” - bad at math but good at art - is on School band and Musical-Drama club - has crush on his keyboardist but it goes away when he knows she doesn’t like turtles - client of detention because sleeping in classes - annoyed by Eunhyuk all the time because there is this ‘rivalry’ thing between dance club and musical club, but when it comes to class he just annoyed because Eunhyuk like to tease him about his voice - the others make him promise to not wondering around when there is school trip, because if we lose him, the world is the one in danger, not him

  Kangin:

- The one of those Unpopular High-School Jock - always wear his baseball uniform although there were no training that day - sat on the fourth row, beside Shindong and behind Sungmin - best-friends with Leeteuk since he has to persuade him to not tell teacher if he did something wrong - was a school bullyer since he has big figure, but rn he’s just lazy - mistaking Heechul as a girl ONCE, and he regret having a crush on him in the past - KI: “Hey Wookie, Can I copy your homework?” RW: “I don’t think all the answers of my homework are correct” KI: “Well, Is that what I’m asking for?” - client of detention because sleeping in classes.2 - is on Basketball Team and Video Games Club - He was bullying Sungmin in their first grade but now they end up in same class make him more sorry towards him - Don’t worry, Sungmin forgive him although he still can’t be 3 meters around Kangin, face to face. - He always treat the guys especially eunhae since both of them look pitiful

Shindong:

- The Class’s snack storage and Division of Documentation - He prefer to sat in last row, in between Kangin and Yesung, also behind Zhoumi - He’s a Mama boy, so if you wonder where all the foods he has came from, yep it’s his mother - this guy hates pizza and noodles and it makes all the guys love him even more - SD: *leaves the class with full box of pizza* HC: “Yah yah yah, fatso! Where are you going?” SD: “uh.. throwing these? wae hyung? wanna some? I don’t eat pizza” HC: “huh, I guess world is indeed fair” - he doesn’t like to take photograph, so he’s the one who works behind camera instead - is on Screen-writing Club and Food Club - people always treat him like a kid, HE IS KIYOWO THO - This boy doesn’t care basically love ‘jaeyuk’ more than girls - if the class is more crowded than the usually, there must be a ‘wrestling competition’ between him and Kangin - He has been the winner of that competition for 5 consecutive weeks

Sungmin:

- The All-Time High School Sweethearts - He always be that guy who stare at the window in classes, with earphone on both ears and calm looks on his face - speaking of window, he sit on third row beside the window, behind Heechul and in front of Kangin, Zhoumi in his other side. - Sorry girls, he has girlfriend on math class - He used to be nerdy with those big specs but puberty hit him hard - He became popular since his girlfriend is Vice-President of student organization - Heechul always think that he’s the true gay in class, but when he knows Sungmin got a girlfriend, damn tears. - is a genius on learning new language. He listen to Hangeng-Henry-Zhoumi convo and discover how to speak Mandarin immediately, also he watch anime hentai from Eunhyuk’s pc and know he knows how to speak Japanese - KH: “Hyung stop doing that...” SM: “Huh? Stop doing what?” KH: “Smiling, the fangirls outside are having trouble breathing...” - is on Psychological Club and Foreign Movie Club - He made out with Kangin on Group therapy themed “Jocks need Nerds, but Nerds can murder Jocks without leaving a trace”

Eunhyuk:

-The hyperactive Class Clown and Leeteuk’s right-hand - has been friends with Donghae since they were on Kindergarten - he sits beside him and Zhoumi, in front of Yesung and behind Henry. third row - is on Food Club too because he eats a lot, ppl always say that Shindong is the one who has large stomach, they are wrong - also in Dancing club, the foods he eat are burned there - SW: “I think Eunhyuk is handsome...” EH: “HAH! DO YOU HEAR HIM GUYS? HE SAID I’M HANDSOME! SIWON-AH SAID THAT AGAIN!” SW: “I think I have talent on lying, hehe” - he call himself ‘Jewel-boy’ but the boys call him ‘Sun Go Kong’ - spends his time too much with Donghae, he become the 2nd Pabo in class - that one guy who gives teacher random questions and random answers - is happy when everyone cracks up because of his jokes - is the real angel here, PROTECT HIM - although he’s kinda silly but everyone never doubt his leadership, even Heechul is afraid of angry Eunhyuk

Zhoumi:

- The Not-So-Chinese-Playboy - He’s Siwon’s cousin, no wonder they kinda look alike- he sit on third row, between Eunhyuk and Sungmin, behind Hangeng and In front of Shindong. - he knows he born with ‘handsome genes’ that’s why he’s known as the class’s player - at every lunchtime he would come to cafeteria to pick up girls - his success rate is 4/10, depends on how dumb the girls are - is on basketball team since he wants to see the cheerleaders, and on School Magazine club - KI: “Yeah, talk to you later nunna” *hang up the phone call* ZM: “Is that your sister?” KI: “Yep” ZM: “Is she pretty?” KI: “Do you wanna see her from hospital or graveyard?” - he’s the most ‘up to date’ person on class. His gadgets are in diverse. One time Eunhyuk was in shookt when he knows that Zhoumi’s toilet could lift the lid by itself - knowing a lot of people at school, kinda popular. And the boys make him gossip scouts and news notifier

Donghae:

- Class’s Crybaby and Beauty-Pabo - people said he’s handsome but he doesn’t believe it til now - he’s not stupid on common knowledge, he’s just stupid at doing his life - he sits beside Eunhyuk and behind Siwon - he loves poetry and photography, makes him joined Writing Club and Photography Club - because he friends with Eunhyuk, he also takes Dance Club. He kinda follow Hyuk everywhere.... - he’s spoiled by Heechul because he looks like lil puppy who needs its mama (or tamagochi) - Teacher: “How many world war has happen up until today?” DH: “ME! 6 WORLD WAR” EH: “Yah, not that many!” DH: “Jinjja? Is it 5 and a half?” - The others never let Siwon, Donghae, and Heechul walk together, the hallway would riven - he cried watching Bambi and Documentary of Crocodile’s Evolution - he has a lot of secret admirer, not fans tho, just the one who cannot talk to him because of his 14 overprotective brothers

Siwon: - The Real High School Prince and Church Oppa - His parents are on of biggest donors for school - Everyone who knows this immediately treat him like prince, (everyone knows tho...) - despite his handsome appearance, the boys always mock him because he looks older than he suppose to - always go to Church to pray or just refill his holy water for purifying Heechul - he sits on second row, beside Henry, Behind Ryeowook, and in front of Donghae. - From the first day of school, he always wants to be friends with Ryeowook, but Wookie can’t stand Siwon’s greasiness - KB: “Why are you so rich and Zhoumi looks like he always got nothing to eat?” SW: “Because I always thankful for what God’s ha given to me...” KH: "HEECHUL HYUNG! SIWON HYUNG IS GIVING HIS TRIAL TO KIBUM” HC: *slams table* “NOBODY PERSUADE MY BABY!” - He’s on Christian Club and Charity Club, holy shisus... - the boys crowned him as “the one who likely to become a president” and “the one who likely to become a sugar daddy if Heechul ask him to”

Kibum:

- The most normal among the freak - actually he’s not normal, he’s too quiet - despite the silent he does, he always get 1st rank at school. No, not class, at SCHOOL. - sometimes he would play with the other boys, ot be the one who split the fight with his intelligence - he sits in first row between Leeteuk and Kyuhyun. In front of Hangeng - tbh, his favorite hyung is probably Sungmin because he’s the next normal one - YS: “Kibum-ah, you’re too smart for this class, why are you in this class?” KB: “Hyung, If you want to look smarter you need to hang out with dumb people” - is on Science Club and Math Club - loves astronomy because he wants to go to somewhere more quite than this class - the only person who would fight him is Kyuhyun, but both of them are lousy so they just ends up crying and made up - Siwon’s companion going to church

Ryeowook:

- The Music Box and Class’s Chef - he sits on first row, beside Kyuhyun and in front of Siwon - he choose a song that suits situation of the class everyday - SD: *is eating* RW: *plays SJ - Cooking? Cooking!* DH: *is crying* RW: *plays Seventeen - Don’t wanna cry* HC: *is doing anything* RW: *plays Sunmi - Gashina* HC: *death glare* “really Ryeowook, really?” - he also the one who does commentary when somebody doing something, the most absurd thing he does is commenting on Yesung who just chewing gum - is on Radio Club and Cooking club - He won from category of “the one you wants to get stuck in deserted island with” and the reason is just because he can cook - admits that he has girlfriend, but nobody believe that. everyone wonder what kind of girlfriend who wants parrot as her boyfriend - once ask Siwon to buy him a GIRAFFE as his birthday gift

Kyuhyun:

- The Gamer with Mouth full-of Sarcasm - that one guy who never pay attention on class but always get the 2nd rank - Leeteuk would always be the one who snatch his phone or game out of his hand so he would interact with others - he sits in first row between Kibum and Ryeowook, also in front of Henry - there is one time when Kyuhyun made Donghae cry because he said Donghae is useless - HG: “I can’t believe you said that, I’m mad at you!” KH: “Hi Mad At You, I’m Kyuhyun! Nice to meet you” - is on Algebra club and starcraft club - the boys never let him goes into argument with Heechul, there would be no end - but sometimes Heechul is his companion on playing starcraft and mock the others in sarcasm - everyone call him “Evil Junior” - He almost killed Yesung’s turtle by giving it a camphor - Siwon’s second target of purifying soul

Henry:

- The one little bastard - he came from Canada but his soul is Germany - likes to hide porn inside Eunhyuk’s table, so he’s the one who get blamed - sits in seond row, between Hangeng and Siwon, Behind Kyuhyun and In front of Eunhyuk. - since his cheeks are chubby, the hyungs often pinch it so it gets red - SD: “I get nervous when you get silent in the corner of the room” HR: “Waeyo hyung?” SD: “Molla...” *look at Henry’s magazine* - is on Violin Club and DJ Club - his parents is Korean, but they lived in Canada for 7 years and now forget how to talk in hangul/? - his favorite hyung is Heechul since he’s always on his side whenever porn is involved - HC: “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT MY BABY WATCH PORN, HE’S INNOCENCE!” LT: “HE FREAKKING NAMED THE FILE “TISSUE NEEDED”, HOW COME I’M NOT SUSPICIOUS!” - he sleeps on the same bed as Hangeng because he’s skinnier than Zhoumi

[astridthevalkyrie]

A Game of Pretend (Revised)

Modern AU. Hiccup and Astrid are having a normal conversation on the phone, or so Astrid thinks. Oneshot.  

Revised version, with thanks to @athingofvikings’s contributing.

The cliffhanger is finally resolved! 

There wasn't any blood on his face, but Hiccup still felt his vision go blurry. His fingers were touching the sticky hot liquid on his stomach, trying to staunch the flow. With a painful grunt, he slipped away from the wall that had been holding him up, and he fell to the dirty ground; his injured arm took the bulk of the impact and he cried out despite himself, a few tears splashing the ground without his permission.

He laid there for a moment, and them realized that his phone was still in his back pocket.  It took nearly every bit of effort he had, but he managed to twist his phone out from his pocket, managing to keep his screams down to agonized grunts.

The screen was cracked, and he managed to wryly comment, “Here goes nothing...” and hit the power button.

Emergency Call hovered in front of him as the screen lit up.

The ambulance wouldn't get here on time. There was no point. This was it.

He wasn't going to bother calling them. Hiccup shakily unlocked the phone, and hit the shortcut labeled with Astrid’s name and a phone icon.  

After three terrifying rings, his wife picked up the phone.

"Hello? Hiccup?"

"Hey, Ast," he grit out, not making a single agonized sound, no matter how much he wanted to cry out in pain, "what's up?"

Her voice sounded relieved over the phone. "Everything's fine at the office. How did it go? No injuries or anything?"

Hiccup laughed - it would come out as cocky to her, ironic to him. "Of course not. You know me - careful is my middle name."

"I thought it was horrendous."

They both laughed - Hiccup rested his head against the wall with his blood on it, hanging on to her voice. He was going to die. He was going to die right here.

“Your day doing all right?” he asked.  “I went for a walk after the meeting to try out the new prosthetic.”

“How did it go?”

“All right,” he managed, glancing at the broken stump of shattered fiberglass and bent metal attached to his leg.  “How about you?”

“Well, I finished up work early, and...”

He kept the conversation going, wanting to hear her cheerful voice. He didn't want to let go of her, but if he was going to, he didn't want to hear her cry. It might make the pain even worse. It was selfish, but he needed this.

His breath started coming out short, so he let Astrid do most of the talking, which he had no problem with anyway. She told him about her day, and Hiccup felt his eyelids trying to close, but he kept them open for as long as he could, until it seemed unbearable and there were tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Astrid," he whispered, interrupting what she was saying, "I love you."

Her laugh was the last thing he heard as the phone slipped from his hand and he slumped over.

"I love you too, babe. I had a surprise to tell you at home, but since you're getting all emotional on me right now, I'll just tell you. I, uh, well, you know the pregnancy tests I bought yesterday? Hiccup - they came out positive! ...Hello? Are you speechless, I bet Fishlegs ten that you would be. Come on, babe, say something. Hello? Hiccup? Hiccup, we're having a kid! Hiccup?"

Astrid dove through the hospital doors almost before they managed to open in front of her and ran, her phone still held to her ear.  "I'm here!  Where do I go!?"

"Follow the red line on the floor to the ER, Mrs. Haddock," the calm voice of the EMT said, and then there was a moment's hesitation.  "And I'm sorry, but I have to ask... since the muggers took his wallet, do you know if he's an organ donor?"

Astrid felt her whole body chill at that question and the implication behind it. Was she too late…?  Taking a deep breath, she nodded, and then realized that the EMT couldn't see the motion.  "He is.  Said that it was important... but that he never expected...  Oh god!"  She choked, hearing Hiccup's sarcastic comment in her memories.  It's like insurance, right?  You do it just in case, not because it's actually going to happen...

She found the red line and started to run down the hallway at top speed, her stomach churning from something aside from the morning sickness.  Curse the hospital’s inadequate parking; she'd had to find a spot on the other side of the hospital from the emergency room... a spot not far from where her OG-BYN's office was, actually.  Now she had to run like she’d never run before.

"Ma'am, it's fine!  We just had to know.  Just in case."

She didn't have the breath to reply; she was running flat out down the hallway, darting around other patients and doctors like they were opponents on the sports field.  At least one orderly or nurse yelled at her to stop running, but she ignored them.

The red line of paint on the worn linoleum of the floor and the phone at her ear were the entirety of her existence.   

"How is he?" she gasped out, still clutching the phone to her ear like a lifeline.  An hour ago, she'd been ready to share the news with Hiccup that he was going to be a father.

Now... she might be a widow before the nice dinner that she'd left half-assembled on the kitchen counter.  The front door to their home was hanging open from her hurry to get here.  

"We've got him stable, but he's lost a lot of blood from the stab wounds, and there's internal bleeding from the beating he took.  We've got three IVs giving him whole blood, plus saline.  We're going to get him into the operating room as soon as the surgeon is ready to deal with the gut wou--shit!  Stop that bleeder!"

A flurry of alarms came over the phone as Astrid rounded a corner at speed, nearly crashing into some old grandfather using a walker followed by his IV stand.  "Paul!?  EMT Emerson!?  What's happening?"

The EMT didn't answer, but the talk she was hearing over the phone--Hiccup's phone, which she had still not hung up on since this nightmare had begun forty minutes ago, and she was going to kick his ass for not calling the ambulance as soon as the muggers had left him in that alley--terrified her.  Not their tone, but the content hidden among the professional jargon.  She understood quite well what a 'crashing BP' meant, or 'internal hemorrhaging.'

The red line terminated in front of a pair of battered swing doors, above which there was a sign reading EMERGENCY ROOM.

She burst through the doors just as the phone delivered a shrill alarm to her ear, and the call for a crash cart.  

Fishlegs sat next to Astrid as the machines beeped around them.

Three hours of surgery.  Sixteen pints of blood.  A nicked artery in the intestines that had torn open as soon as they'd started raising his blood pressure.  And six stab wounds to the abdomen for the blood to leak out of, plus broken bones, cracked ribs, badly bruised kidneys and liver, a perforated intestine, and purpling bruises on his skin whose imprints made clear impressions of boot heels and fists.

If they hadn't had him in the ER right at that moment when the artery had burst, he would have died.  As it was, the surgeon had told them that it had been touch and go at several points as they’d sutured his arteries shut and had to remove part of his liver.

All over forty dollars and a worn leather wallet and irrational hate over someone who ‘walked funny’.  

They'd already caught the three skinheads who had decided that beating up on a guy with a prosthetic leg would be a fun way to pass a little time.  The one with the knife--still wet with traces of Hiccup's blood caught in the crevasses--had been charged with attempted murder, and his buddies, who had held Hiccup up to be stabbed, were being charged with aiding and abetting.  They hadn’t gone far; just around the corner to a nearby bar where they’d bought some beers and snacks with Hiccup’s credit card.

They were protesting that they were innocent, but that was a little hard to get away with when one of them had been caught with Hiccup's wallet, doing gross things with Hiccup's pictures of Astrid, and another's boots made perfect matches for the bruises.  

The fascist symbols on the boot heels that matched the one on the bruise above Hiccup's kidneys were rather a giveaway...

Fishlegs took a deep sigh.  Stoick would see to it that the two-legged animals that had nearly killed his son would be prosecuted.  Meanwhile, Astrid was finally asleep in the chair next to him.  

Now... they just had to wait for Hiccup to wake up.  

And hope that nothing else would go wrong.

Meanwhile, she had a death grip on his half-broken phone, which she'd reclaimed from the EMTs during the surgery.

He reached over to take it from her and put it to charge with hers, but her eyes snapped open as soon as he touched it. An instant later, she managed to pull the punch to his gut so that it only hurt, rather than knocking the wind from him.  

Staggering back, he wheezed, "You weren't asleep."

"I tried, but I can't.  Not with these... things beeping."

Fishlegs held his hand to his aching gut and nodded.  "Okay."

The nurse came in as the two of them were looking at each other.  Ignoring them, she added something to Hiccup's IV.

"What's that?" Astrid asked anxiously, like she had for every addition to the IV bag in the last six hours.

"Antibiotic for the gastrointestinal perforation--we want to prevent peritonitis from developing," she said professionally.

"And that means?" Astrid asked desperately.  

The nurse gave a professionally even smile.  "Due to the injuries to the intestines, the bacteria inside could leak out into the abdominal cavity and cause infections," she said.  "So we're giving him a standard post-op prophylactic antibiotic."

Despite himself, Fishlegs asked, "What about the chance of resistant bacterial infection?"

The nurse gave him a momentary irritated look, as Astrid asked, "What's that?"

Sighing and shooting Fishlegs another dirty look, she said, "Some bacteria have evolved resistance to the standard antibiotics."  She nodded to indicate Hiccup.  "If he does come down with such an infection, we'll use the second-line antibiotics."  She reached out to Astrid.  "Your husband will be fine."

Astrid nodded and then turned green.  Staggering over to the room's wastebasket, she managed to get her face over it before she vomited into it.  

"Ma'am...  are you alright?" the nurse asked, sounding somewhat concerned.

Fishlegs winced, and stepped over to help Astrid, even if that was limited to handing her a bottle of water and holding her hair up out of the way.  Even as he did so, it felt wrong for him to be doing so, like he was usurping his friend's place at his wife's side.  

Astrid retched again, and gasped out, "I'm pregnant."

"Oh.  And..." the nurse glanced at Hiccup.  "He's the father?"  There was a pause.  "Does he know?"

Astrid gave a half-retch, half-sob.  "I told him... just as he was passing out from blood loss."

The nurse considered that and said, "I'll be right back."

She left, and Fishlegs helped Astrid, whose legs were shaking, back into the chair, and twisted open the bottle of water for her.  

In the background, the machines continued to beep.  

Hiccup was alive... stable... and not waking up anytime soon.  The damage was just too severe, and his body was focusing on healing itself.  If he woke up now, he’d be in agony.

Despite himself, Fishlegs took out his own phone and did a search.

He shouldn't have... because Astrid heard his little hissing gasp, and snatched the phone from his hands without so much as a question.

He grimaced, and a few moments later, she found what he'd searched for.  

"One in twenty-five patients gets infected in the hospital!?"  She looked up at Fishlegs, her expression one of despair.  "Please, please, tell me that he'll be okay."

"He'll be okay," Fishlegs said with as much confidence as he could muster... and resisting the urge to tell her about MRSA, which was his biggest worry.  

He looked at the unconscious body on the bed.  Hiccup's prosthesis was busted, kicked to pieces by the brutes who had attacked him, and his friend looked so small and broken, his body pierced by tubes and kept alive with machines.  

The doctors had told them that if he made it through the night, he'd likely survive.

It was two in the morning.

And Fishlegs wanted to see his friend learn that he'd be a father.  

Hang in there, Hiccup.  Just keep living.  Please.  

Snotlout’s face was red by the time he reached the room Hiccup was in. He saw Astrid, looking ill and leaning against the wall, and Fishlegs, rocking back and forth on a chair with his eyes closed.

And then he saw his cousin, looking in the worst condition Snotlout had ever seen him in, with bruises and cuts and surrounded by machines.

Astrid saw him first, and she opened her mouth, but no words came out. He walked over to her and hugged her tightly. Her eyes were red and bloodshot.

“You’re going to be an uncle,” she whispered in his ear.

Snotlout’s eyes widened and he pulled back, looking her in the eyes, and she nodded with her eyes looking at the floor. “You’re actually…”

“Hiccup p-passed out either before or as I was telling him.”

“Holy shit,” Snotlout whispered, sitting down with his head in his hands. Fishlegs clapped a hand on his shoulder.

His cousin couldn’t have just called a damn ambulance instead of his wife. He had to go ahead and be romantic instead. What about romanticizing life? Astrid hadn’t been the one in danger.

But really, what else could Snotlout expect?

He settled in on one of the uncomfortable chairs and held Astrid’s hand as she stared dully at the monitors.  Once, he would have done anything to be holding her like this.  

Now, he wanted to yell and scream at that younger version of himself with a shout of “Are you happy now!?”

Because he wasn’t.  

Beep... beep... beep... beep...

Snotlout hadn’t been in a hospital for anything worse than a broken arm from a bad moment on the field since his and Hiccup’s grandfather had died when they were young.  

And his memories kept reminding him of that moment of supreme loss when old Hamish had breathed his last and the beeps... stopped.  

He glanced over at Fishlegs, who had gotten here first; the big man looked worn out and tired, and said quietly, “‘Legs, head down to the cafeteria and get something to eat.  I’ll stay with ‘em.”  

Fishlegs looked like he was going to protest for a moment, and then nodded.  As he went to the door, Snotlout cocked his head towards Astrid. “And get something for her, too.”

Another nod, and his friend left to get food.

It wouldn’t help Hiccup any for his wife to starve herself... and she was eating for two.  

The nurse came by on her floor check, and he introduced himself as a part of the family.  He wanted to take her aside and ask, honestly, how bad it was... but there was no way that he was going to leave Astrid alone, or ask that in front of her.  

So he watched as the woman in the blue scrubs did inscrutable things to the various machines, bags and tubes--what she was checking for, Snotlout had no idea--and then left.

He handled the nurse the next few times she came to check on Hiccup. Fishlegs just wasn’t handling it, and he didn’t want Astrid to be lingering on every word the woman said, she was already sick to her stomach.

Then he would sit back and try to calm himself down. It was going to be a long night, and Snotlout didn’t know if Hiccup was going to make it.

Astrid watched as the technician unhooked Hiccup from the dialysis machine; his color was much better than it had been before the treatment.  The kick to Hiccup’s back had injured his kidneys, and to let them heal and keep Hiccup from poisoning himself, they hooked her unconscious husband up to the machine for a few hours each day.  

They were also uncertain about nerve damage to his spine from the same kicks, and his primary doctor had advised her that, despite the liver and kidney damage, it was best to keep him sedated while he healed.  He would be in so much pain when he woke--and it was when, not if, she assured herself--that they were trying to spare him that.

And she just had to hope that they knew what they were doing.  She’d been educating herself on what all of the various indicators meant... and the answers weren’t good.  

He’d lost so much blood--twice what his actual body would normally hold--that he’d be vulnerable to infection while his immune system built back up his antibodies, a thought that terrified her when she’d learned that knife wounds to the intestines were highly likely to become infected.

His ‘intact’ leg was broken in two places and they had needed to use metal pins to put the bones back together, and the skinheads had nearly torn his arm from the socket when they’d been holding him for their knife-carrying friend.  Those would take months to heal, and would require physical therapy.

They were cautiously optimistic that he wouldn’t need a kidney transplant and that the injured organ would heal... but the catheter tube that came out from under the sheet was filled with red, a sight that made her heart jump and her throat swell shut with fear every time she saw it.  

Her phone rang, and her heart sank when she saw the number.

Taking a deep breath, she answered it.  “Yes?”

“Hello, Mrs. Haddock.  This is Alvin, with the insurance company?  We spoke yesterday about your husband’s treatment.”

“I remember.  What about it?”  

“Your case is currently under review, but I’m afraid to inform you that due to the circumstances of your husband’s emergency, we are denying your application for the changed plan to apply to his current treatment, as it counts as a preexisting condition.”  He didn’t sound afraid.  He sounded as if he was enjoying what he was saying.  

Her heart sank.  They couldn’t afford his treatment without that change to the insurance plan.  The deductible was just too much, and Hiccup’s leg was only covered due to his work.

“Please, please, please, reconsider--” she started to say, only for him to cut her off.  “Ma’am, you’ll have to apply for an exemption and a review of your case.  Good day.”  

He hung up.

Astrid looked around the room, at the multiple complicated, expensive machines keeping Hiccup alive...

And hunched her legs up into her chest and cried.  And then had to run for the wastebasket again, as the granola bar and orange that Snotlout had gotten her to eat suddenly turned sour in her stomach.  

“Hey, listen, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Ruffnut murmured, taking a glance back at the boys, who were talking in hushed whispers among themselves. Astrid’s eyes were closed, her face was flushed, and she was letting out labored breaths.

“It’s not okay.” Astrid bit her lip. “No one is sure if he’s gonna wake up or not. And even if he does, he’ll be in so much pain, so much-”

Ruff wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her shoulders. “He’s going to live. That’s gotta count for something.”

“Of course it does, but Ruff, how, in what universe, are we going to be able to pay for all of this?” Astrid put a hand over her mouth and released a sob.

Ruffnut and her brother had been about to board a flight when they were given the news. Fishlegs had texted them both multiple times, and, when they were about halfway there, added that Astrid was pregnant. Tuff had broken a lot of speed limits, and no one stopped him, especially not Ruff. That had been a few days ago.

Now, she held up her crying friend, hugging her and rubbing her back. “Listen, we’re all going to help you. We’re your backbone, Astrid, we have been since high school.” Astrid didn’t appear to hear her. Instead, she gasped, “Something’s wrong.”

“Astrid? Astrid!? What is it!?”

Astrid didn’t answer; her face was contorting with pain; she gave a heaving gasp and grasped her stomach like she was having period cramps dialed up to maximum and the knob broken off.  Her legs buckled and, most terrifyingly of all, a cry of sobbing pain pain escaped her.

Ruffnut swore as Astrid swayed and started to topple, her eyes rolling back into her head before they closed completely.  

“Help!” Ruffnut called as Astrid passed out into her arms.  

Snotlout swore and hit the button to call the nursing station, moving so fast and fluidly that Ruffnut would later realize that he’d been waiting to hit the alarm for hours.  Tuffnut helped her lower Astrid to the floor, both of them grunting with the effort as the other woman tried to unconsciously curl into a ball.  Fishlegs grabbed a pillow and stuck it under her head, and a moment later, the door swung open to reveal the duty nurse.

“What happened?”

Fishlegs said something technical that Ruffnut didn’t understand--it sounded like Sin-cop?--and then Ruffnut noticed that Astrid’s jeans were damp with blood.  

She shrieked and tried to tell the nurse, but couldn’t get the words out, instead just pointing frantically.  

The nurse understood, though; within a minute, there was a gurney coming in through the door and Astrid was loaded onto it by a pair of orderlies, who rushed her out of the door.  The nurse wasn’t looking too hopeful, though.

Ruffnut left with them, trying to understand, while Snotlout and Fishlegs stayed behind.  

But part of her understood what had happened all too well, and she was in denial.

An hour later, Astrid’s gynecologist confirmed it, although he used kind, technical terms, like “spontaneous miscarriage”...

Astrid had lost the baby.

Ruffnut didn’t cry often. But tears sprung to her eyes at this news. Hiccup probably hadn’t even heard enough to know Astrid was pregnant, and now he would have to get the news of the baby and the miscarriage all at once.

Ruff sat down, buried her face in her hands, and wondered why it had all gone so wrong so quickly for the Haddock family.

Tuffnut stood by, feeling useless, as Stoick hugged his sobbing daughter-in-law, heedless of the hospital gown she was wearing, crying that she was going to lose him and had already lost the baby.  The big man had flown in a few hours ago, and was throwing his weight around.  He’d arranged to get both Hiccup and Astrid into a private room, and his lawyer, Gobber, was making sure that the skinheads wouldn’t get off with a slap on the wrist.  Gobber had left a little while ago, an ugly and oddly satisfied chuckle in his voice as he’d considered a way to make those three bastards’ lives hell.  

Tuffnut wished him the best of luck.  Apparently, due to some stupid law on the books around here, it was possible that they might even manage to get the three of them charged with murdering Astrid’s baby.  

Meanwhile, Stoick was assuring Astrid that he’d cover the costs.  Hiccup wouldn’t like that--he made a big deal about not needing his dad for anything--but, as far as Tuffnut was concerned, Hiccup had given up his right to protest over how they paid for his hospital bills when he’d wasted over ten minutes of time when he could have called the ambulance to make a dramatic romantic call instead, between the time he’d talked to her and the time she’d found where he was and sent the ambulance.  

As it was, thank god that he had installed that tracking software on his and Astrid’s phones after they both kept forgetting and misplacing them.  Otherwise, the ambulance would never have found him in time.

He shivered at the thought.

Ruffnut came in, carrying the duffel filled with Astrid’s clothes that she’d gotten from their house.  Thankfully, they hadn’t gotten robbed when Astrid had left in a hurry, but Stormfly had gotten out again, and Fishlegs and Snotlout had spent an hour using the tracking collar to retrieve the cat from the neighborhood’s park two days ago.  Toothless, at least, had stayed.

Tuff cocked his head.  There was something... off about the sound that the machine was making.  How long it had been going on, he didn’t know; the nurse had last checked maybe fifteen minutes earlier.  He listened carefully.  It was very subtle, but he was sure that it was there.

He was about to get to his feet and call attention to it when Hiccup stirred.

He was alive.

That was surprising for some reason, but he couldn’t remember why...

Blinking, he moaned, and a hospital room swam into blurry view.

His dad was looking down at him with concern.

He moaned.  “What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” his dad asked him.

Hiccup tried to shake his head to clear it, and an alarm went off, making him blink.  Bit by bit, his body was reporting in, and the news was pain.  Lots of it, in many different flavors.  Itchy-burning feeling from his back, a dull ache by his groin, a sharp stabbing pain by his leg, a pulling-tight sensation by his gut, a hot-burning feeling from his shoulder, a cramping sense of hollowness from his stomach...

He wanted to go back to sleep, but he didn’t see Astrid around...

Astrid.  

Right.

“I was talkin’ with Ast... but I don’t remember ‘bout what...” he slurred.

There was a rustling of fabric nearby, and a flurry of voices that sounded like Ruffnut and his wife...

Wait, wasn’t Ruffnut heading off somewhere?  For a something...?  What was she doing here?

They were talking hurriedly, and he strained and managed to turn his head in that direction.  

There was one of those privacy curtains there, with a blushing Fishlegs standing in front of it.  

Huh?  

Stoick leaned in.  “Do you remember what happened to you?”

“Yeah... I went for a walk to try out the new prosthetic...”

He squinted, trying to catch sight of Astrid.  A moment later, the curtain pulled aside and Astrid stepped forward.  

Hiccup drank in the sight of her.  She was wearing a light blouse, which was half-tucked into her third favorite pair of jeans, like she had dressed in a hurry...

And looked like she had barely slept in days.

“Ast...?”

She fell forward and hugged him, kissing him in a flurry all over, gasping out ‘Oh god,’ and ‘thank you’ over and over.  

Despite the pain, he awkwardly hugged her with the arm that hurt less, and a vague memory bubbled up.  “You said that you had a surprise for... me...?”

He caught but didn’t understand the significant looks being shared all around him, and then Astrid seemed to decide something and said, “It’s nothing important.”  She poked him in the nose a little bit hard.  “And that’s for doing something stupid like calling me and pretending that everything was alright instead of calling an ambulance!”

Hiccup made a brief sound of pain, even as he knew what was coming next.  

She kissed him solidly on the lips, and then broke apart.  “And that’s... for everything else.”

“I’m sorry...” he said, remembering that moment of decision.  

“I know,” she said, and then looked up.  “Snotlout, could you get him something to eat if the nurse says that it’s okay?”

Hiccup’s stomach rumbled.  “God, I could eat a horse.”

“Given that you haven’t eaten anything in almost a week, yeah,” Astrid said wryly.  

He got a good look at her eyes; she’d clearly been crying.  

“How bad was it...?” he asked weakly.

She hesitated, and said, “Really bad.  Don’t you ever do that to me again, Hiccup Haddock!”

“Promise.  I won’t.”

“Good.  Rest.  We’ll get you out of here as soon as we can.”

“Okay.”  He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.  

Epilogue: Sixteen months later

Looking at Astrid curiously, her daughter wrapped her hand around the offered finger.

Astrid closed her eyes for a second, and then held her daughter tighter, kissing the top of her head.

They were in the hospital again. She hated the place--she wanted out, but unfortunately, they’d be there for a few more days for her to recover. Astrid wanted to scream at the nurses that she’d recover much faster at home, at least mentally. But she kept her mouth shut, just relieved that her baby girl had been born, healthy and in great condition.

Astrid looked at her husband, who was watching them, with a kind of quiet admiration in his eyes. He didn’t look relaxed, per se, but he wasn’t tense either. He too, must have just been relieved.

She had never told him about the first pregnancy.

She had pleaded for anyone who knew not to tell him. There was no point, no point at all in telling him something so painful, and then waiting for the inevitable self-blame. Hiccup was horribly noble, and she just wasn’t ready to talk about her unborn child as though it was anyone’s fault. It was a child, a baby, and it had passed away before knowing life.

So Astrid pretended like the baby had never existed. She pretended like one of the happiest moments in her life, when she had seen the positive results on the pregnancy test, had never happened. And she pretended like all the pain she had been in when she lost the baby was just something out of a story. Hiccup was left in the dark, and she preferred to keep it that way.

Her baby, her pain, her secret.

Hiccup looked at his wife and daughter as the newborn got her second-ever meal and smiled.  The scars from his assault still twinged occasionally, and he got reminded of ‘the time you were a stupid selfish romantic idiot’ on a regular basis from everybody.  He’d never live it down, but that was okay.  He, at least, was going to live.

Unlike their first child, who everybody pretended never existed around him, and he pretended that he didn’t know, as if he had never found out from the court documents.  He’d caused Astrid enough pain; he wasn’t going to force her to relive those horrible moments.  It was the least he could do, after how he had pretended that all was well when it had begun.

So Astrid acted as though it never happened, and he acted as though he knew nothing of it.

It was their little game. A game of pretend.

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 9: Hurricane Katrina? More Like Hurricane Tortilla!

Wish I were thriving in this whole situation by now but it’s been two weeks of dorming and I want my mommy to make my lunches. But I’m just droning on and counting down the days until I can go home.

-Thursday, Hero class-

“...And since Iida-kun isn’t going to be in the Sports Festival” sensei turned toward me “You may sit out of this activity.”

“Can I go to the dorms?”

“No”

“Can I go to the nurse?”

Sensei sighed stressfully “Sure, but you’re not allowed to leave campus!”

I start to hover myself and my school bag “Yay! Later bitches!” I cried out weakly before leaving to the nurses office. I’ve been meaning to go to the nurse but I’ve just been so swamped with all my school work that I hardly have the time!

“Oh? What brings you to my office Iwata?” asked Nurse Eri when I walked in.

I set myself down and sighed “Honestly, I feel like I’ve been ran over by a bulldozer.”

“Come take a seat here” she points at an empty cot “Have you been sleeping enough? Drinking enough water? Diet changes?”

I think about it as she was taking my temperature “Oh jeez, I haven’t been doing any of those things, my diet has defiantly changed.”

She checks my eyes “You are showing signs of fatigue, hmm” she gets up to get something out of her files “Okay, when was your last depressive episode?”

“Uhhhh, not sure” I wasn’t sure since I’m also losing track of the days “a week ago?”

She scribbled something on her clipboard “Okay...When was the last migraine?”

“Never had a migraine” That I did know, but why that question?

“Good to hear....mood swings?”

“None”

“..Rate your quality of sleep 1-5, 5 being the best.”

“A 2.75, I don’t sleep more than 5 hours a night in a weekday” I added because I know they’d want an elaboration “On weekends I try to sleep more but at best I get 6 hours. Occasionally I get a nap.”

“Is this your dorm sleep schedule?” she asked looking up from her writing.

“Yes, at home I get more sleep.”

She puts her pen into her coat pocket “I have to say that, without going into other parts of this sheet, but it seems like you’re experiencing burn-out.”

I watch her get the head sensors “Burn-out?”

“It happens to everyone but it’s dangerous for telekinesis users” she said flipping on the machine “Instead of dampering your powers, it enhances them at a deadly rate.” The machine starts to blip “It looks like you aren’t in the danger zone yet, thankfully. What’s the biggest stress factor now that you’re away from home?”

I sneered “More like, what isn’t a stress factor!” I paused a moment to think of a serious answer “I’d say the workload. Being in two programs is double the homework and I barely get them done in time. Second would be the whole cooking myself food for the day, AND BEFORE YOU SAY JUST EAT SCHOOL FOOD, I’m picky.”

Eri sighed and put her clipboard down “Look, I’m probably not supposed to say this, but that’s what I was afraid of.” She made sure nobody was in the doorway “You’re the first student in this school that’s doing dual program enrollment and they don’t know how to adjust for your needs.”

That was unexpected “What do you mean?”

“The school is just winging it with your education, BUT with this apparent stress ailment with your quirk, we can lessen your workload and other parts of your daily routine” She explained “They have too.”

“Is it because of my mom?” I asked seeing how that’s usually the case.

“In a way, she was the first telekinesis user to attend this school and her needs alone had the school district change the way they do accommodations” They reached for the clip board “And that’s on top of being a donor and credible alumni, the school bends to her will when she isn’t happy with something. She cares so much about youth in hero education because of her experience.” A smile spread on her face “You know, your mom solved a case that involved my abuser when I was a child. If it wasn’t for her, I’d still be under heavy security and not realize my purpose or go to hero school. She paid for my schooling actually! So I’m incredibly thankful for her, wish she’d let us publicly praise her but she declines. There isn’t enough words or gifts in the world that can express how gracious I am, so the best I can do is serve others like she’d serve them.”

“I didn’t know she did all that for you” I was moved by her words “Did you think that you’d be treating her children?”

She stopped her scribbling “No, I always thought you’d lead different lives. But I guess even she didn’t know that it was going to be like this.”

Leaning back into the cot to rest my head “Mind if I just nap here?”

“You may, I’ll make sure you wake up when school lets out.”

I drift to sleep, but it wasn’t a peaceful sleep. Somehow I got this very vivid nightmare of fire everywhere and this tall figure grabbing me by the neck, chanting ‘We could’ve ruled this place together!’ and every-time was more distorted. The deranged eyes froze me and gasping for air, but then a sound like a gunshot rang out that woke me up. I sat up quickly and checked myself to make sure I was okay and that I just had a nightmare. By then it was after school, so I just left. The whole walk to the dorm had me thinking if I seen that thing in my nightmare. One would remember something so terrifying! Or maybe it’s a prediction and I’m gonna get hit with deja vu later?

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?” ask Beizu as I entered the room “It’s my turn to cook.”

“Oh uhhh hamburg steak?” I answered, taking off my uniform “I believe we have enough meat for everyone.”

“That might actually work” he said, getting up from his bed “What are you going to do?”

I give a sigh “Do homework and try to sleep early for once.”

Beizu left the room and I was left alone with my mountain of work. Upon finishing the easy stuff, I glanced over to the calendar... oh shit, my birthday is this weekend! How could I forget my own birthday?! I’m turning 17. No plans or (lets be real) time to do anything to celebrate. Wack! Wonder what my mom did on that day her 3rd year? It’s a good hour until dinner, I have time to do a little snooping. Beizu did say the cube had improvements done, so here it goes!

The room changes into her candy colored aesthetic, and on a bean bag chair was a young Mr Hitoshi and Mom.

“Mmm Hitoshi~” she softly moaned, eyes closed “I wish you could stay longer.”

“It’s almost lights out” He said checking his phone “I’m sure it won’t be a problem if I’m a little late. I’m getting “tutored” by the prettiest and smartest girl in school~”

“Shut up!” Mom playfully hits him “You flatter me too much.”

“It’s true, don’t blame me that I compliment you every chance I get” He holds her tighter “Everyone wants a piece of you but I feel so blessed that I have the entire world that’s you.”

She turns red and nuzzles herself into his chest “If you say so, I love you.”

“You’re amazing kitty~”

Her expression changed to disappointed “Hitoshi, can you just call me by my name?”

“Hm? You don’t like kitty?” he asked, looking down at his chest 

“It’s not that I don’t like it, I just prefer if you’d call me Ita” she looked back at him “Please?”

“Or do you prefer I call you my baby~”

She crinkled her nose “No, just Ita.”

“Aw but I want to call you something special, how about... Love~”

“Ita”

“Babe~”

“Ita”

“My cheeto puff~”

“Creative, but just call me Ita”

“I GOT IT! How about, My world~”

She had enough and just teleported him away. Leaving her slumped on the bean bag chair, she fixed herself so she was sitting properly on it, looking up.

She exhaled “What am I doing?” she said to herself “I wish you’d love me Tenya, I’d be so happy” she closed her eyes “If only I would cross the line and just get the rejection part over with.”

The hologram fizzled out and I was left with those emotions. Mom wasn’t happy with Mr Hitoshi, so why stick it out? I wanted to tell her that my dad does love her and to leave Hitoshi, as if I don’t know the outcome already. She was like me, lost and wanted to get things over with to get to the good part. Wish I had people wanting a piece of me like that, then I’d know who’s interested.

-Fast forward to Summer break-

I’ma keep it real chief, nothing interesting happens because it’s just me suffering for weeks at a time and wondering how I’m not collapsing out of exhaustion. Birthday sucked, sports festival was just quirk olympics, I finally figured out how to use most weaponry and Beizu improved the device so now it has pause and fast forward buttons.

But it’s June, I’m just chillin’ until I have to start training for the showcase. We’re hosting a summer bash and I’m on snack duty! 

“How the hell did my mom navigate around here in the heat?!” I whined, wiping the sweat off my face “And why is the nearest market on the other side of downtown?!”

“Stop your whining! I thought you wanted to go out” Beizu barked at me “Because you wanted to get things ahead of time.”

“Don’t mock me, I know what I said” I groaned as we crossed the street “Come to think of it, I haven’t been here since that one time I was with Gon in drag. Never really got to see everything here.”

“Oh yea huh? That felt like it was last year” he chuckled “but if you can bear the heat a little more, we can look around.”

We visited the candy store aunty Mimi won’t stop raving about. Then to the organic body store my mom gets all of her skin care from. Some other stores that were fairly new but for the most part, from what my mom recalls, most of the downtown area is the same from when she was at UA. We even dropped in the cafe that my parents had their ‘first date’ at...whatever that means.

“I expected this place to be more packed” Beizu pointed at the wall near the register “they pride themselves to be your mom’s favorite and that your dad loves the berry tart from here. They have their pictures up there for crying out loud!”

“I dunno, maybe it’s a slow day today?” I sipped my iced latte “It’s like, 2pm. Pretty sure everyone would be wanting lunch, not cafe sweets.”

Beizu shrugged as he took a sip of his drink “That makes sense...wonder what your parents meant by ‘first date’.”

I chortle “It’s probably something dumb like they so happened to be here at the same time and just hung out” I thought about it more “Or maybe my dad invited her to some coffee just to get to know her better? He did say he liked her way before she realized her feelings.”

“Then would this be a date?” Beizu joked.

“Depends, are you going to ghost me after graduation and later confess your undying love to me on a beach years from now?” I rolled my eyes and laughed “I’m joking, you wouldn’t hold back something like that, not for that long.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, you know what you want and you go for it. If you liked somebody, you’d tell them and not get all flustered. If you wanted something done, you’d do it yourself.” I look at him “You don’t overthink your actions or words, I admire that about you. Wish I could be as confident but I’m just a functioning mess.”

“Iwa, I don’t think you’re a mess” Beizu reassured me “You’re wicked talented and never give up on anything! I could never do dual enrollment, let alone be in A class hero and intel!” He put his hand on mine “And, for what it’s worth, you’re an amazing friend. I can’t think of anyone in the world that could compare, who’d go along with my ideas or go through life’s firsts.”

I look at our hands and turned mine to hold his “If you put it like that, then we’re a team” I squeezed his hand slightly “can’t break a pair if they’re like us.”

He looked away quickly “Hold up, I’m blushing” he cleared his throat “That was cute, what the fuck Iwa.”

“That good? Damn, I should write that one down” I took out my phone to write that down “swear I’m not even trying to be suave!”

“What would you say if you were being suave?” asked Beizu, still coming down from his blushing.

“Well, I guess I would do one of these” I prop my head up with my other hand on the table “Oye amor~ besitos for my one and only, then hit them with one of these.” I brought their hand up to my face for a kiss “Then say, Lets save the intimate kiss for behind closed doors~ I can’t have everyone looking at you when I express my love onto you~”

Beizu was frozen in place, redder than ever “That’s lethal Iwa!” He fanned himself “I feel like I read smut past my bedtime, where did you pick up on that?”

“My mom baby talks to my dad when she wants a kiss” I recall from my youth “He says he doesn’t like the baby talk but he blushes like crazy and gives into temptation to kiss her. Basically my mom takes control with the romantic shit, my dad tries and my mom just goes along with it.”

“I learned that my dad took the lead with the romantic stuff” Beizu added “The device showed the times he’d be tired but still give affection to my mom. He’s such a kiss ass to her” he laughed “Did everything for her around the house, basically a house husband when mom had to go to work on his off days. He even built that swing set in the backyard of my house!” his tone changed “He knew I was in my mom’s tummy before he died, prepped the house and everything even though I was months away from being born. Watching him fix up my room made me feel like he really wanted me and excited to be a dad.” He looked at me “I can only hope that if I become a dad, I’ll experience that same level of excitement.”

“Whatchu mean if you become a dad?!” I hyped “You will be a dad! Of course you will! I can already see them kids with pink hair and twisty bodies running around with toy tools and shit, yelling that they gonna fix things just like daddy.”

Beizu smiled again “You really think so? Will you be there with me?”

“Duh, them kids need friends! I’ll bring my kids and they’ll be friends just like we were” I fantasied, still holding his hand “Can you imagine all those mixed quirks? Our partners are going to hate us for being so chaotic natured! OH imagine if one of our kids marry and making us legally family? How crazy would that be?!”

“I do like the sound of that” Beizu shifted his gaze “Dang this place is starting to get packed!”

I turn around to see the line going out the door “Oh shit, we should zoot then” I got up and felt Beizu’s hand gripping mine “Hmm?”

“Can we hold hands the rest of the way to the market?”

I didn’t think much of this “Sure, but you carry the basket when we get there.”

“Deal” he agreed happily as we left the cafe.

We didn’t take long at the market, I always keep my focus when food shopping. Mom always liked taking me food shopping because I don’t ask for things and remind her to get things like rice and eggs. For being very chaotic natured, grocery shopping is the one thing that I refuse to fuck up! Lili gets distracted and lost in the freezer section, Tensei fights to push the cart and Hanaka will either throw a fit to sit with the food in the cart or will beg for things...after a while, it was just me and mom going food shopping because it was stress free. Thank God that I stuck to those good habits because Beizu is someone that doesn’t check brands before buying something. Wonder if this is how dad feels when things aren’t orderly? Wait, that gives me an idea!

Back at the dorms, I borrow the device and head to Gon’s dorm.

“Iida-kun?! What brings you to my dorm?”

“Gon, I need to borrow your room for like, 20 minutes” I asked up front “I need to check something.”

Gon crossed his arms “Well what’s in it for me?”

“I’ll give you this bag of hot cheetos and Ingenium endorsed canned orange juice” I held out the offer.

“Take as much time as you need!” Gon was wide eyed and took the offer “I’ll be in the commons room, snacking.”

I close the door and lock it, and just in case, I pulled the drapes and stuffed a blanket under the door. I had to see what my dad did when he was denying feelings for my mom. After a few weird moments that I glimpsed into, I finally ran into a scene that made me question things. The date was near the end of the term their 3rd year...

“...I was just wondering if you’d like to come to the carnival?” asked Ita

“...yea let me just get my shoes-” responded Tenya, reaching for their shoes

“Cool! I got my little squad of you, Mimi, Jin, Hitoshi ready to go and-”

“Wait, it’s not just us?”

“Well, no, I wanted to go as a group so I can have one last high school memory with yall before I leave to take my exam in 2 days”

“Then I won’t go if Shinso is going too”

“Why? What’s wrong?” she got suspicious “you’ve been distant lately, did something happen?”

“It’s just that” he tightened his fists “you’ve been hiding things from me like you don’t trust me! How can you call me your friend, chosen family, if you don’t tell me everything?!”

“What are you talking about?!”

“About you and Shinso moving in together!” he raised his voice “do you not trust me with that?”

Now that was some hot tea! Dad raising his voice?! He never got that loud with us, no matter how rowdy we got.

“Well, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends!” he exploded whatever he had pent up.

“Tenya what are you-”

“Put some respect on my name! Last name to address me Palma-san!” he loomed over her with anger in his eyes, clearly not himself.

“Let’s talk this out, please tell me what’s wrong” she pleaded “this isn’t like you and I’m scared, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to be said here!” he turned to finish packing “leave or I’ll throw you out.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong!”

“You’ve always been the disobedient one” he picked her up, opened his door and tossed her out like rag doll before slamming his door closed.

I gasped at the sight of my dad having the audacity to not only yell at my mom but to physically throw her out of the room and slam the door. It made my blood boil in anger, how dare he hurt the one person that loved him?! Over her moving in with Mr Hitoshi?! He could’ve easily confessed to her and solved everything! Why did mom forgive this and still married him? If I were mom, I’d fight back and never talk to him again. The hologram fizzled away and that calmed me down to remember that my dad isn’t like that anymore. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t show anger, this was a bad memory that changed the way he treated my mom. I guess even dad had some traumas under that seemingly perfect image. I put everything back the room was before I left.

“Iida-kun! Where are you going?” asked Kage-san “Come join us for game night!”

“Yea! We could use someone to even out the teams” said Gon, sweating over the hot cheetos “Please? You can bring your friend too.”

“I, uhhh, have to go to my dorm for the day” I held up my phone to go along with my excuse “Class rep has summoned me for kitchen duty.”

They waved me off without further questions, which was relieving because I didn’t want to explain why I was there or what I saw. I ran to my dorm to tell Beizu what I found.

“BEI HOLY FUCK!”

He sat up from his bed “What? What did you see?!”

I explained what I saw “...like, I don’t get it! Mom unknowingly wound up a love triangle where my dad and mom clearly loved each other and better for each other. And my mom didn’t like Mr Hitoshi all that much but still went as far as living with him after graduation!”

“That is quite the drama that your dad started” Beizu pulled up his phone “But check this out, in your dad’s file, about 3 days after that date you saw” He held out his phone to show me “Your dad got into a fist fight during school hours with Mr Hitoshi. And the tea about that is that the school pardoned it because this was their first offense and graduation was a few days away to really have an affect.”

I look intensely at the proof “No way! Dad threw the first punch too?! This was serious business, but why couldn’t anyone say anything?!”

“Maybe it was different times” Beizu locked his phone “They were in this war with that villain group. Your mom probably didn’t want to get in your dad’s way, he did have an image to maintain for his family, and she was just a foreigner. There wasn’t time to admit the truth and she just went with Mr Hitoshi as something more realistic?”

“But this is my mom, she’d never settle!” I flop on the bed “You’d never hide things from me, right?”

“Never” He laid next to me.

“You’d point things out if I’m being dumb right?”

He rested his head on my chest “Of course!”

“Good, just making sure” I put my hand on his head “I’d hate to repeat what my parents did.”

“That won’t happen, I promise” Beizu looked up at me “I’d never leave your side.”

“It’s what I look forward to the most” I smile “a future with you, no matter what happens.”

This little moment calmed me down. Being roommates was the best decision ever!

FAST FORWARD TO THE AGENT DISPLAY....not much happened between, just better mental health and getting my agent license I guess? OH! I got a reduction in workload! If I had training in my agent courses, I don’t have to do hero training unless I feel like I can take on the workload that day. And thats on top of getting weekly homework from the hero course instead of daily work. Thank you mom for being so powerful that the school bends to your will without saying anything!

“Hey you killed it out there Iwa!” cried out the class rep as I took off my visor in the changing room “The spectators were in awe of that little flight trick.”

“Not gonna lie, thought I was gonna fuck it up” I wiped the sweat off me “I’ve been holding in a nasty fart the whole time.”

“Ew should I leave?” She gagged as she back away from me.

“Naw, I farted in the wing on my way here” I admitted “I strongly suggest not going that way.”

“YO I THINK SOMETHING DIED IN THE WING!” screamed one of our classmates that ran in “How are you guys not throwing up?! The smell is awful!”

The class rep narrowed her eyes at me “You disgust me, I came here to ask you out for some boba but you’re just another fart boy!”

“I DIDN’T WANT TO FART DURING MY DISPLAY!” I stressed my logic “I’m less confident when I fart in front of people.”

“It’s true” Beizu said, walking out of the bathroom “But what do I know, I’m just a fart boy, huh Gee-san?!”

“Both of you are disgusting fart boys with pretty faces!” huffed the class rep “I’m leaving to the stands! Formation time is in 10 minutes!” She walked out and started gagging loudly.

Come the stage part, I didn’t place in the top or anything, but I got my agent number! It’s 88, and that’s what everyone is going address me as when I’m in the field. None of my family came to see me but that’s a given, theres some shit going down in the real world. Mom feels bad for not coming but I told her that it was okay. I know how important these cases are for her to solve, plus it sort of feels like the reality of all children of agents and heroes, of course your parent isn’t always going to be there for school events! But back to me, I get swarmed with questions from agencies about my quirks and my other combat skills. It got me excited for this part of the training, the internship! Mom told me that she had a hard time choosing since basically every agency gave her an offer. Wonder if it’s going to be the same for me?

-Monday after the agent display, Homeroom-

“Okay, I’m passing back your offers” announced sensei after taking roll “No pressure, but I’ll need your decision by Thursday morning. Also don’t feel bad about the amount of offers your other classmates get in comparison” He stopped at my desk and plopped a dictionary thick packet “Think of it as having an easier time choosing.”

“Wow, that’s thiccc with three c’s!” Beizu commented “Gonna crack that thing open at lunch?”

“Yuh, I didn’t know that many agencies were in attendance that day” I said, feeling the weight of the packet “Didn’t think I was that impressive.”

I spent most of my free time that day reading through the offers, but one stuck out to me. Before I went to bed, I saw an offer from the agency Deku works at. They gave me the offer on the basis of “The order of Sir Nighteye”....What the fuck does that mean?! I’m gonna take it but do they have to be that cryptic?!

-Chapter 9, End-

<Previous - Next> 

[daydreammemoirs]

The Grief of Losing a Sibling.

The pain from losing a siblings is not comparable to any other pain i have endured in my life. In one simple text message my life came crashing down around me, crumbling into a dark abyss of misery and uncertainty. 

Jake and I were  11 months and 14 days apart, we were extremely close, basically raised as twins. Jake was born Mar. 14 1996 and I was born Feb. 28 1997. A lot of our ‘first’s’ were done together, if you saw one of us the other was surely around the corner. 

Aug. 12 will forever be a haunting day to me. That night I was at my sister’s house, we were having coffee and talking about our days. Suddenly mom messaged her asking if I knew what happened to Jake, I jokingly said “what he got arrested”, he had never been arrested but that was what came to mind, and my sister’s face dropped as she told me that Jake had been in an accident and we had to get to Robert Packer Hospital, Jake had been life-lighted there. I lost it, I completely lost it, i knew he was never coming back, I could feel that he was gone, it was like my heart snapped.  

I ran back to my apartment to quickly gather some stuff in case we had to stay the night, I got changed, kissed my boyfriend and told him what was going on and left. We got in the car and dropped my nephew off to his aunt and uncle. As we were going down the road my mom called me and told me that Jake was not responsive at all, none of his reflexes would respond, his eyes wouldn’t and he had absolutely no brain activity. Al I could say was “what do you mean?” “Mom, what do you mean?”

That car ride felt like it took forever, even though it was only about 45 minutes. We made it to the hospital, and had to wait for almost 5 hours before we could see him. We would’ve been able to see him sooner but they had to do emergency surgery on him to release the pressure building in his skull. They would only let us go in two at a time, my oldest brother and mom went in first. After some time he came back out and told us that it was really bad and that Jake wasn’t coming back. I went back next, and what I saw shattered what was left of my heart. I knew they said he was unconscious and that he wasn’t responsive but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I saw. All the tubes, drops of my brothers dried blood on the floor, just the way he looked. I knew it was my brother but to me he didn’t look like Jake and I didn’t believe Jake was in there anymore. 

It was about 5 in the morning when we left the hospital that night. The doctor and nurse told mom that we should go home and get some sleep, that if anything happened they would call mom and get us back to the hospital. It was about 8:30 in the morning before I finally fell asleep, I didnt want sleep but I was so exhausted that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I hoped and prayed that it was all just a nightmare and that when I woke up he would be okay. I was awoken around 10:30 or so to my other brothers and sister in law calling, telling me that they were coming to get me because something happened and Jake was declining fast. I quickly got dressed again, I was angry, it was all supposed to be a bad dream, this wasn’t supposed to be real. 

We made it back to the hospital, I found my dad and just cried. Imade my way back to Jake’s room, by this time they were letting as many people in his room as physically possible. It was just mom and me at that moment, Jake’s machines started freaking out and then everything went calm. The nurse went and got the doctor, they came back in and told us that Jake’s brain had herniated and went into his spinal cavity. They said that there was no way he would come back after that. Everything turned into a haze, as the DNR’s were signed, having to call our family that were on their way and telling them to hurry because all of Jake’s vitals were dropping fast. 

I went back in with Jake and the song Forever Young by Audra Mae wouldn’t stop going through my head, so I played it to him and hoped he could hear it. Fast forward a few hours and we were outside, except for our parents who were in with Jake, we were outside having a smoke, the radio on low in the background. At 9:40 the song Silent Lucidity by Queensryche went over the radio, we took that as a sign from Jake. When we were done smoking we went back inside, met by our parents in tears telling us that Jake died at 9:40. I lost it all over again, I knew it was going to happen but I wanted it all to be some nightmare, and it wasn’t it was real. We all cried and lost it together, dad held me, if he hadn’t I probably would’ve fallen to the floor. I kept asking him “why?” “why Jake?” “What did he ever do to deserve this?”. 

Jake’s heart stopped at 9:40pm Aug. 13 2017, however the doctors had to bring him back because they found out he was an organ donor. That to me was one of the hardest things, the way the phrased it, it was like they were talking about a crop, my brother wasn’t a crop he was a human being for crying out loud. I personally believe the term “Harvesting” should be banned from vocabulary when you are talking about a human being. 

I’m the type of person that always believed in karma and fate, I no longer believe in either. My brother was an amazing man, he never did anything to anyone, he never did anything to deserve the awful end that was given to him. He didn’t deserve to be in a horrendous car accident, and to have his life cut so short. He was so full of life, he truly loved life in a way that I have never seen anyone do. He was always smiling and joking and looking out for his friends and family. 

It has been a world wind of craziness since he died. The radio station repeatedly replayed the details of his accident and the time of his funeral. Hundreds of people came, some I hadn’t seen in years. All of them sharing the same sentiments as us, he was an amazing man, taken far too soon. 

The emotions I have felt since losing him are enough to drive anyone crazy. I am angry, I am resentful at what happened, I’m hurt, I’m lost, everything doesn’t make any sense anymore. It’s like the light has been sucked out of this world, the peace went with it. I have not known peace since he passed. I want to scream, I want to break things, I want the whole world to know that such an amazing person was taken in one fatal swoop. Never to be seen again, never to tell a joke again, never to hear his laughter again. I broke into a million pieces and he took almost all of them with him. 

To all the people that have lost a sibling as I have, never let anyone tell you to suck it up and move on. Losing a sibling is a pain equal to that of losing a parent, however, you are told to expect to lose your parents, you are never told to expect to lose a sibling. 

To my dear brother, I love you more than words can ever express, and I miss you terribly. We will never forget you, we will keep your memory going. To the galaxy's and back Jakey <3 <3  .

For now until my chores are through, I’ll be loving you, love me. 

[firetrucksandflowers-blog]

Reese Burns’s Character Sheet:

Because he’s so OBSCURE and I needed to get to know him more. 

GENERAL:

Full Name: Reese Burns

Meaning: Reese- “The name Reese is a Welsh baby name. In Welsh the meaning of the name Reese is: Ardent; fiery.” This suits him very well, I think. Ardent meaning enthusiastic and passionate, similar to fiery, which he is, about a great deal of things, just not on the outside. Also fiery because lmao he’s a firetruck.

Burns- “Scottish and northern English: topographic name for someone who lived by a stream or streams, from the Middle English nominative plural or genitive singular of burn (see Bourne). Scottish: variant of Burnhouse, habitational name from a place named with burn 'stream' + house 'house'.” Well, I chose burns because haha l o l he’s a firetruck, too, but I think the meaning is so ironic, which also kinda fits. In the movie Red always has his water hose, and firefighters put out fires, so the whole Burns meaning place by water fits as well.

Title: Mr.

Signature: His signature wouldn’t be very big or extravagant. Very simple and plain. All the letters are written out and there to see. It’s only just slightly slanted. Uppercase first letters while the rest are lowercase and the uppercase is larger than the rest of the letters. The letters aren’t short and stubby but they also aren’t tall and skinny, just somewhere in between. It doesn’t take up the whole space provided, just starts from the beginning and ends with a good amount of space at the end.    

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: 30

Birthday: July 7th, 1987

Sign: Cancer

Birthplace: Newcastle, England

Current Residence: Swynlake, England.

Immediate Family:

Mother- 56: Hannah Marie Burns (Geena Davis)

Father-Deceased: Martin Lucas Burns (Kurt Russell, bc I think I’m hilarious obviously.)

Eldest Sister- 35: Olivia Burns (Alexandra Breckenridge)

Middle Sister - 33: Daneel Burns (Holliday Grainger)

Distant Family:

Grandfather, Mother’s Father-Deceased: Michael Jonathan Lewis

Grandmother, Mother’s Mother - 89: Julia Beth Lewis

Grandfather, Father’s Father-Deceased: Blake Mitchell Burns

Grandmother, Father’s Mother-Deceased: Nora Burns

Aunt, Mother’s Younger Sister: Haley Miranda Lewis

Species: Human

Ethnicity: English, German, and Norwegian.

Preferred Hand: Left

Eye Color: I’m sad because he has them big brown eyes but Chris Pratt’s are those weird different colors at one time changy ones and you know what SOMETIMES they LOOK BROWN so. I’m EMO about it okay, I spent a million years looking for the right face claim doNT MAKE ME REGRET MY DECISIONS

Hair Color: Brown, but in the right lighting it’s auburn.

Height: 6 ft. 2in. Or 188cm

Shoe Size:  12.5 (UK)/13 (US)

Health: Well off

Organ Donor?: Yes.

Driver’s License?: Yes. He’s very passive, so thank your stars he isn’t licensed to drive the truck. (Not that if he DID drive it he would let anyone get between him and getting to the fire. I’m just sayin he’s too nice and wouldn’t be fit for the job tbh.) Stops for too long, uses his blinkers, goes the speed limitations. He doesn’t mind driving, since his counterpart is a flipping car, he’s good at it. He just makes sure he’s doing right by the other people on the road because car fires are the WORST.

Allergies: None

Grooming: Well kept, except when he just comes out of the garden or work. Got that patchy beard thing going on because when he shaves he literally looks like a sixteen year old in the face. Not that I guess he cares...wow okay so we’ll say his beard comes and goes in waves. Mostly well kept hair. Wears deodorant. And his cologne is nice, subtle, nothing too flashy because he does not peacock. But no one likes to get a whiff of those over the top ones. It’s warm and just all around pleasant.

Posture: Not particularly upright, but he doesn’t slouch over. His shoulders are usually forwards instead of pulled back because it’s a little bit if protection from the outside if his shoulders are more inwards. If that. Makes any sense. He likes to use the backs of chairs when he’s sitting. At the computer he’s hunched over though. Doing the typical, hand holding up his head by resting his chin on it, leaning forwards look.

Gait: He can be fast when he needs to be. Most of the time he goes an adamant speed. Tries to stay out of other people’s way.

Habits and Mannerisms: He worries his lower lip between his teeth a lot. Rubbing his cheek. Clasps his hands behind his back. Rocks on his feet.

Scent: Most of the time he smells of the outdoors or like a campfire. But if it’s been a good day he just smells subtly of the earth and his soap/cologne.

Expressiveness: His face is very expressive and hides little to nothing of what he’s feeling. I think, due to his inability to communicate via auditory language his body subconsciously tries to make for it. Hence why Chris Pratt’s face is kinda perfect for him, even tho he’s so smiley. (this is the part where mary tries to dignify her choice in fc to herself) He is VERY expressive in the face and it morphs and moves and tells the person speaking to him exactly what’s going on inside his head, even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it or if he can’t say it. And Chris Pratt has a very expressive face when he wants to. I shall just have to scavenge the happy go lucky for the sad and recluse arrgghh.

PERSONALITY PROFILE

  1. People don't behave the same way all the time. In fact, they generally have a mask for every social group -- friends, family, business. Sometimes they have a different mask for different groups of friends. How does your character act around different people? How does their personality shift and change?

Reese generally is always himself. At all times. Mostly because he never got the total socialization to behave differently around someone else. The only time he has a total change of pace with his actions are when he is outspoken. This rarely happens outside of his family gatherings or when he’s on the job. When he is on the job he is louder and larger than life because you can’t go into a burning building silently and you can’t expect others to understand you by just looking at them through the gas mask. MOST of the time he’s a quiet little wall flower, though.

  2. Your character has been brought to a party and promptly ditched. They don't have a ride back home. How does this work? How comfortable are they around all of these strangers? Do they interact?

SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE. He would never go to something with that many people unless he was guilt tripped or someone he really cared about asked him to go with them. He doesn’t do well around that many people since he doesn’t have the experience and just isn’t equipped for the over stimulation. Reese would probably bounce out as soon as he realized the person he came with left him high and dry. Unless he knows he was supposed to be the DD, then he would go outside and wait by the car for however long it took for the party to diminish. OR he would walk around making sure everyone was doing okay and that there were no fire hazards. Besides the amount of people.

  3. It's kind of awkward - what subjects are likely to make your character hesitate, flush, stumble on their words, etc.?

Anything? Really? He gets flustered talking about anything with anyone. Of course sex and love and all that stuff makes him blush a shade so red it looks as if he’s got rose petals coating him from the tips of his ears down to his neck and chest. A lot of things, man, he’s a shy little thing who is never not hesitant and stumbling over his words.

  4. Is your character more dominant or submissive to the people around them? Do they tend to follow others' orders and wait for people to give them instruction in life, or do they charge ahead and make decisions on their own?

This really depends on the situation! As I feel this always does with people. In a crisis situation he’s been trained to not panic, to be calm, whereas most people are freaking the hell out. Reese is the one telling them to take a steady breath and what to do next. When he’s working he’s the leader, when there’s a fire going on he will take charge. But on any other situation he would be submissive. He can’t really say no because it just seems so much easier to say yes and do whatever it is that needs to get done, done.

  5. What happens when your character doesn't get what they want?

Reese doesn’t want much of anything really. But, I guess if people’s happiness gets taken away or if his flowers don’t come in on time or someone has trampled through them he cries. If he doesn’t get what he wants he cries and runs.

  6. What's the character's self-esteem like? It’s okay, not the best.

Hoo, hoooooo, hoooooooo. Okay, so since Reese has never found his voice amongst the crowd, he’s never really found himself. BUT THE THING IS HE HAS. In the garden and in the fire station. He just hasn’t realized it because of all those years of getting beat down or ignored. His self esteem wanes and waxes throughout every situation. As he grows more comfortable with people it rises and his personality and humor comes out to shine in the sunlight. As he works in the garden or gets put on a call, his confidence is unmoving and he’s honestly a little intimidating to come up against. Then, when all that is done, and he’s in the grocery store or walking home from work, he recedes back into himself. Closes the door and locks everything away for no one to see.

  7. What's one flaw about themselves that they hate the most and wish they could change?

One???? Hahahha. Well. Reese here doesn’t really like much of anything about himself. He wishes he could talk! To! People! Everyone always seems to have such interesting opinions and experiences and dear lord, he wishes to be apart of those things. Most of the time, since he has the patience of ten thousand saints put together, he doesn’t mind just being alone with himself. But being shy and scared gets in the way of so many things. He just wants to be able to talk to someone without them asking why he’s so quiet or someone just moving along from him because he can’t give them the words they need.

  8. How does their personality shift when someone gets to know them well?

I don’t know and neither does he because he’s never had that experience. No one has ever sat down and taken the time to get to know who he is outside of his sisters and mom. But they saw him grow up and forced everything out of him from the moment he was able to speak. He’s use to them by now. But everyone else just deemed his shell too hard to crack open, not wanting to take up their time to see what was inside when everywhere else people had themselves open for display because that’s much easier.

  9. Do they prefer time alone, or with other people?

Time alone. Out in the garden. On a run, working out. Reading. He’s had a lot of time being alone. He doesn’t mind it at all. People are scary, enormous giants to him.

  10. Is it easy for this character to tell someone "no" when they don't want to do something?

Nope. Reese is the yes man of the century. Mostly because he hates the face people give him if he says no. He did it like, twice when he was a kid. If he did it any time after people would probably shrug and say ‘Oh! No problem then!’ but he’s too scared to say it ever since then. So he doesn’t. To him it’s easier to say yes and do it and make them happy.

  11. If this character were to describe their own personality, how would they do it?

He would agree that he’s quiet. But that’s preeeetty much it. He doesn’t think on himself at all.

  12. Is this character aware of their flaws?

Yeah. He himself gets frustrated with his inability to communicate to the ‘norms.’

  13. How has this character's personality changed from childhood to adulthood?

As a kid I think Reese was a little more outgoing and confident, as all children are before they see the real world for the shitty place that it is. He was always quiet, but as the time went on and as kids started picking on him more and more, he went radio silent. He was probably more talkative as a kid, but as he got older he stopped talking. And he’s observant and has a job that deals with people a lot so he isn’t totally socially inept, but he’s just too shy to start anything on his own.

  14. Who influenced this character's personality? Did they pick up any mannerisms or traits from someone?

His sisters and mother since they always talked for him, a lot of the older people in his life who always said how him being quiet was a good thing. And then of course his tormentors. His kindness came from his Grandmother, though. The sense to see that people are so much more and have so much more going on came from her talking to him about humanity. Lots of women influenced him, obviously. They showed him that his emotions were okay to have, but the kids at school kicked him in the shins for showing them off.

But his smile is his dad’s.

  15. Does this character express affection? Are they comfortable doing so?

Y E S. Okay, so this is kind of a weird phenomenon with Reese. Since he is so shy and avoids confrontation it’s odd for him to be okay with expressing affection, right? Right. But he does it. He gives the warmest hugs and would love to hold someone’s hands or press a forehead kiss to someone. He would be super careful about personal boundaries, though, too scared of running someone off. So on one hand he would LOVE to do things like that for someone but on the other hand he would wait to see if they gave him permission to do those things.

  16. When frightened, will the character "fight" or "flight"?

DEPENDS. Is it a fire? He’s the first one coming after it. Anything else? He’s running away in tears.

  17. Does this character ever put someone else's needs in front of their own? All the time. Every waking moment. He puts his life on the line for people's health and well being. His own is put in a box in the back of the closet. He would give up anything for someone else. Hell, he would probably die for a tree or if it meant the Earth to be okay.

  18. If this character suffered amnesia and lost all their memories, what would they be like?

W O W, what a QUESTION because he seriously is the way he is because of his surroundings. Everything he is is because of someone else, or because of an event that happen to him. Besides his love for the Earth and plants? He would be talkative for one thing. I think his gentle and nice nature would stay with him, because those are just deep rooted in his core, but probably a bit more lively.

  19. How does the character's living space reflect their personality?

Hmm, I think just like him it’s very muted but with small personal touches. Also like him it’s warm, cozy, and like a home. Blankets and pillows are all around and soft. So like, everything has a purpose or meaning and isn’t just for show. Also there are plants all over the place. Reese isn’t all that clean or organized, but he isn’t a complete slob either.

  20. What's one thing that other characters wish they could change about this character's personality?

For him to speak his mind, probably. To not be a pushover?

 EMOTIONAL PROFILE

  1. How easy is it for your character to feel anger? What's usually a good tip off that they're experiencing it? (Physical reactions, movements of appendages, etc.)

Anger is one of the hardest emotions to pull from Reese because he is so gentle and light to the touch. But if he is angry it’s probably out of trying to protect something or becoming super frustrated with someone. The clues to look for are he is talking, and he is very loud. Anger is a strong emotion and one that he doesn’t experience on the daily like most every other one. He would probably yell, but be able to keep enough of himself together to keep from lashing out too harshly? You never know.

      a. Sadness?

Very, very, very easy for him to experience. If he gets offended or someone is just talking trash to him he gets sad. Like I’ve been saying he is a crier who doesn’t even think about trying to keep it in. So when he is sad Reese starts crying and probably bolts to the nearest of exits. There are different types of sad cries which are either the loud wracking sobs that he lets loose on his way out or the silent moments he gets to himself when no one is around to see him.

      b. Happiness?

I would say it’s pretty easy to make him happy. Show him a picture of a seal looking fat and happy or of a type of flower or just anything remotely good and he’ll brighten. Hell, if someone smiles at him in passing I think it would make him happy for the rest of the day. If it’s the normal everyday he has a small smile on his lips and a lightness to his steps and maybe a little swing in his arms. If it’s a ridiculous amount of happy he, you guessed it, starts crying.

      c. Fear?

Easy to feel. Probably every time he sees a fire engulfing someone’s space of living or car or wherever. Also at any loud noises or someone coming at him in too sudden of movements. He would never say or think it, but those years of torment led to fear of getting abused again like that. He can defend himself now since the training to become a firefighter was tough and spit him out with more pounds of muscle, but he doesn’t really know his own strength.

  2. What state of mind is the character usually in?

I would say a good one. He doesn’t focus on the bad. He’s very optimistic. Not too busy or too blank either. Reese is able to have something on his mind, like plants or work, without becoming overwhelmed. One thing at a time.   

  3. Are there any emotions the character is particularly afraid of, or really resents having to feel?

First thing is first, he is very in touch with his emotions. Reese is a soft and squishy human being with his feelings out there on his person all day everyday. And it’s not that he knows them well, it’s just that he feels them and allows them to come and go as they please. So, now the question, is he afraid of feeling any kind of emotion; yes. Love, obviously, because pain is something he hates. Not on himself, but on someone else. And if he were to feel love for someone and somehow have to see them in pain? Because of him? It would probably kill him. It almost killed him to see a tree get cut down in his primary school park and no one really knows if plants can feel pain.

The emotion he resents is fear because that’s what he thinks is keeping him from speaking.

  4. How easily does this character trust their feelings with others?

Mmmm, well if someone were to ask he would be open about it. He probably wouldn’t be able to explain it very well to them, and insist that everyone’s interpretations of emotions are different, but if they asked it of him to explain he would let them know.

  5. Can this character easily hide their emotions?

PFT NO.

      a. Do they find it difficult to express emotion, thus tend to look neutral?

No. :)

  6. How well can this character resist their emotions and impulses?

Emotions: Can’t. At all. Impulses: MMM. He’s not very good with understanding what he wants? Besides normal things like sleeping or eating or going out to weed the garden, but other than that? He’s a hard worker, isn’t lazy or really that much of a procrastinator. Sooo, impulses, = non existent or easy to resist.

  7. Does this character ever get violent (with others, objects, themselves) when feeling any certain emotions?

No. No way. He would NEVER hurt anyone else….on purpose. Or let harm befall someone else. Especially because of him. Reese is never violent. He knows it causes more harm than good so he stays away from it at all costs. But...if a bug is bothering him when he’s trying to water the plants he’ll go a little overboard with the hose trying to get at it. But he’ll feel bad afterwards.

  8. Has this character contemplated suicide? No.

      a. Self-harm? No.

      b. Physically injuring others? N O

      c. Killing others? nooOOOOOoOooooOOOO

   9. Does the character have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them?

He doesn’t really realize but bullying. If he sees it he would break down. His first hand experience at being on the other end of the relentless teasing and physical abuse were enough to scar him for a lifetime. But he doesn’t?? Think it was that bad?? If you were to ask him he would say others in the world have it worse and he’s doing okay, so it’s nothing to worry about.

  10. What would hurt this character so badly they couldn't even breathe?

I know this is supposed to be a serious question, but lmao, someone killing his plants. It’s easy to hurt him because he’s so soft. So, just stepping on his gardenias would make him a mess.

  11. What is guaranteed to make this character smile?

Anything nice. Like, just seeing someone out on the town being happy would make him smile. Or looking out his window to see his garden alive and well would melt him. And, as always, listening to someone talk about something they love/are passionate about. Reese knows people are beautiful through and through and just to see someone with life in their eyes and love on their lips? Inspiring.

  12. If the character could remove one emotion from their life, which would they choose?

W O W. Hmm. He wouldn’t know what to say to this question because he knows that without one emotion the others wouldn’t make sense? But maybe fear? To be able to not be scared at all would appeal to him.

  13. If they're feeling upset, who are they likely to talk to for comfort? Or do they keep it inside?

He would mostly feel like he’s bothering someone if he wanted to talk to someone while he was upset. But the most likely people he’s going to call are his mother and sisters because they’d get mad at him if he didn’t, and they would find out eventually anyways.

  14. How would this character cope with losing someone extremely close to them?

He….wouldn’t. He would cry so much he would exhaust himself. Maybe he could work through it eventually, like a loooooooong eventually, because he’s so in touch with his feelings. But it would devastate him.

  15. How does this character look and feel when crying?

WELL, this probably isn’t supposed to be a big question, but for Reese this is a VERY IMPORTANT AND LOADED EXPLANATION.

The Sobbing, Sad Cry: This is the cry where Reese lets it loose and runs away to get far from the source of his woes and back to somewhere he can calm down and be out of the way of other people going about their day. This is the ugly cry, with tears dripping and running and there’s snot on the sleeve of his shirt and sweat because he’s crying that hard. After he has stopped running, and has found his secured place to cry, he curls up, and just cries. It’s ugly and his face is puffy, and he sounds like a baby. And he feels like shit, too, because it feels like he isn’t getting enough air so a little hyperventilation comes into play.

The Quiet Cry: The teary eyed, small amounts of tears cry. He will look upwards in an attempt to keep the tears from falling or just let them fall and not bother to wipe them away. He isn’t loud, he keeps the harsh breathing or reckless whines and whimpers choked in his throat. His eyes get squinty and his face gets red, his bottom lip will wiggle and he’ll try to stop its movements by pulling it between his teeth. Mostly for when he’s like stunned sad or doesn’t want to disturb the surroundings. Like a funeral.

The Angry Cry: Loud and not very proud. Obviously if he’s going to get angry he isn’t going to want to be crying while trying to get through it, or if he’s trying to talk to someone, but he is a crier and crier's cry when they get angry. It’s more subtle than his sad cries because he’ll probably be too wrapped up in anger to notice the wet streaks on his cheeks and dripping from his chin. And if he does, he’ll get even more angry, making a positive feedback loop for himself. His voice will probably get all shaky and broken when he talks.

The Frustrated Cry: Probably the least? Seen? But when his long, longlonglong, line of patience wears out and he can’t take the vast amount of emotion crashing over him, he’ll let it go. He’ll look distraught and mad at himself, and it’s probably best to leave him to his own unless he asks to not be.

The Relieved Cry: One he experiences after a fire or after getting someone out of a fire or seeing a plant come back to life. It’s a little breath and a few missed tears, but it doesn’t take long and it mostly just to let himself have a moment to realize things are going to be okay.

The Happy Cry: He will be laughing or smiling/grinning while tears flow. His hands will be shaky but he’ll be in a really good mood. Ever seen the Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan? Of course you have, don’t lie to yourself, but he gets like Martin when they find out Annie is Hallie. “I’ve never been so happy in my entire life!” But less sobby and more smiley.

The Laugh so Hard Until He Cries Cry: Self explanatory. He becomes a smiley little ball of sunshine.

The Watching a Movie/Tv Cry: There will be a pillow against his chest or a blanket pulled up to his chin and tears. So many tears. And tissues on the coffee table in front of him.

The ‘I didn’t even Realize I was Crying’ Cry: Also self explanatory. He’ll be just standing somewhere, distracted, and just be tearing up.

  16. If the character had to live out the rest of their life either perpetually angry, sad, or frightened, which would they choose?

Sad. He’s had enough experience with it. He doesn’t like any of them, but being scared he’s kinda already doing and it’s awful, and to always be angry would be dangerous.

  17. Does this character tend to blame or punish others for their own emotions?

Nope. Only himself.

  18. Is this character empathetic, and tends to be influenced by the emotions of others?

Yes yes yes. All the time.

  19. What is the strongest emotion they have felt?

….a lot, holy shit. So many things because every emotion is strong for him.

 PHYSICAL PROFILE

  1. Based on the current diet and exercise your character has, where do you see them physically in five years?

The same, maybe fitter? Being a firefighter he tries his best to be in his best physical condition in order to not hinder the people he is trying to help and save. So he feels as though he has to be well off. Who knows, maybe by then he’ll have gotten hurt enough to have to retire early from the firefighting game and be a pudgy guy.

  2. How agile is this character? Can they dodge easily? Or are they clumsy?

He’s weirdly agile. Like not graceful at all but he isn’t clumsy.  Reese is a force to be reckoned with when he wants to be, you know. So his shoulder can slam into a door the the thing will go down after the first few tries. At the same time he also has a gentleness to him. When he’s touching plants or someone who is hurt he’s very careful. It’s kind of a weird combo, but he pulls it off. It’s a learned control over himself.

  3. Describe the muscle content of your character. Are they untrained and soft? Or lithe and powerful?

He was trained into something powerful. He’s a bigger guy, so his body isn’t exactly skinny or lithe. More like an elephant or a rhino. While he doesn’t know the exact limits to his strength he knows he’s fit enough to be doing the job. He pushes himself when working out and stuff to make sure he’s not losing too much muscle in order to be out of his depth when going into a dangerous situation. It also helps when carrying bags of mulch or soil from his car.

  4. What kind of body fat percentage do you suppose they have?

Not a lot tbh. Probably some around his middle, but.

  5. Do they have any scars? Where did those scars come from, and how did they get them?

Y es. He’s got a scar from when Nathan Peterson’s vengeance seeking friends attacked him. It’s on his left side. One of them had a knife that the others didn’t know about, so when they saw that sticking out of him they all took off because it suddenly got a little too real that he could die or whatever. Thankfully none of them pulled it out when they left, but it did enough damage.

  6. Describe some hairstyles your character has had in the past.

His mother probably gave him the buzzed look as a kid because that’s easy? Just shave his hair off, he doesn’t care what he looks like that the moment. Then his sisters got involved and started using him as their life size doll and messed up his hair a lot when he was younger. He never said anything, of course, but the kids at school did. And when he got to secondary they let it do it’s own thing. Mostly he kept it short. Like any other men’s style. Short on the sides, longer on the top.

      a. How about the present? What's their hair like now?

Just the regular short hair, a little flippy dippy on the front. It’s kinda curly when he lets it grow out, too.

  7. What are their teeth like? Any cavities? Root canals? Does their dentition ever hurt?

Uh, I mean he brushes and flosses twice a day, so they’re pretty well taken care of. Nothing too out of the box with them.

  8. Do their arches ever fall? That's painful.

Nope.

  9. How much endurance do they have? Do they easily get tired during a workout?

High endurance, he’s gotta to have passed to become a firefighter. Not easily tired out at all. He’s built it up to where he can go for a long time without becoming completely exhausted.

  10. How easily can they bear pain?

Very easily. A lot of the time he doesn’t say he’s in pain out loud because he doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. One time when a kid managed to break his arm in school by doing the arm around his back and pushing him against a wall he didn’t say anything all day until he got home and his sister saw his ugly looking arm when he took his uniform blazer/shirt off. He’s probably not to woman level of pain tolerance, but he’s pretty up there.

  11. How long can this character sit still?

A long time. He is a patient man.

      a. Do they shift a lot when sleeping?

Not a lot of the time. He’s mostly stationary throughout the night.

  12. What do their nails look like? Do they bite them?

Short and mostly well kept. Has dirt under them a lot of the time, but he cleans them before doing anything else when he comes inside from the garden. He doesn’t bite them, no.

  13. How hairy is this character?

I’m WHEEZING, what a QUESTION, I’m sorry Chris Pratt we’re getting personal aren’t we.

      a. Arms? Normal??

      b. Legs? Normal

      c. Underarms? Oh dedarjk, normal

      d. Eyebrows? They’re there but they’re no Colin Farrell or Peter Gallagher.

   14. What is the most imperfect part of this character's body?

He thinks his hands are too big a lot of the time.

  15. Do they get cold easily?

Naah.

      a. How about overheated?

Yes. Since he is a little toaster oven in the shape of a human he can get hot very easily. Which means he sweats at the slightest hint of overheating. But it also means that he stays warm very easily.

      b. Seasick?

No, he does well with motion. His muse is a car so I feel like he would be okay. Probs fall asleep to it. Be one of those babies his mom put in a car seat and drove around to help him fall asleep that night. Not that he was a problematic baby.

      c. Do barometric changes in pressure affect them?

Nah.

  16. How do they react to getting an illness? Think about sore throats, achy bodies, headaches, stuffy noses, runny noses...

He ignores them until they get really serious. Most of the time his mom would never know because he ran hot, and she freaked out one too many times, so she just never knew when he was sick because he never said anything. Not until she noticed he sounded stuffy or was blowing his nose, or squinting a lot. On his own he doesn’t do anything until it affects him significantly. But he isn’t a whiny mess on the couch. Just a bundle in bed watching feel good movies and smelling mint he picked on his way in.

  17. Is this character's body sensitive to touch?

Wow, OKAY UH, I will say yes, yes he is. He’s really sensitive? Ticklish around the middle. And he stiffens when anyone gets to close to him because besides his family no one has ever touched him with anything but pain so he gets wary in tight spaces. Unless he’s getting someone out of a fire, then there’s layers of his suit to keep him from them. But yeah, besides his calloused hands from work, he’s very sensitive.

  18. How strong are this character's basic senses? Sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell.

Hmm, okay so his sense of sight is 20/20 and he doesn’t need any contacts or glasses. His hearing isn’t the best of the best. We discussed touch. Taste is normal, not too strong but not too weak. He’s got a tolerance for extreme heat in food, so if the food JUST came out of the oven he can eat it no problem. Or he’s just weird and enjoys that feeling of burning his tongue and roof of his mouth. His sense of smell has been tested in training to be able to detect a lot of things now, so it has been schooled to be stronger.

  19. If this character had to permanently lose one of their senses, which would they choose?

Taste most likely because he needs everything else to help people. See where he’s going, hear people calling for help, feel for heat, and smell for the source of the fires. He’d miss a lot of things, but he thinks he could get along fine without it.

      a. What if they could only have one sense, and had to lose the others?

HARD ONE. But touch.

  20. Does this character have any unusual limbs or physical features?

Nope.

 PREFERENCES AND PEEVES

  1. What's the state of your character's kitchen? What kind of foods do you find in it? Is it... clean?

Warm and inviting. He likes to cook. Like a lot. He grows a lot of vegetables and herbs in his garden, probably not a lot of fruit because that takes a while for them to grow besides the ol tomatoes. But he has a lot of fresh and local foods floating around the place. Also a lot of baked goods when he has the time are on platters or at the firestation when he knows he won’t be able to eat them all. It’s clean and only fairly organized. Things are kind of lingering around in drawers and the stacks of plates and bowls aren’t the tidiest, but it isn’t a headache to find things for people who aren’t familiar with the place.

  2. If they could only eat one type of food for the rest of their life, what would they choose?

Vegetables? Because they’re easily grown and healthy. As much as he’d miss cake.

  3. What kind of clothing does this character wear?

Comfortable things in the casual. Jeans or shorts and plain t-shirts with tennis shoes. Work out clothing for when that’s going on. And then when he needs to get dressed up it’s either his dress uniform, the whole get up, or a more casual looking suit and tie. At work he’s in his uniform. At night just a shirt and his boxers tbh, he gets too hot other wise and he can’t sleep in pajama pants.

And socks?? I feel like he wears socks at all times. Maybe...not to bed but just when he’s around the house he’s gotta be wearing socks.

  4. How does this character feel about piercings?

He doesn’t care what other people do with their image at all. It’s their body and if it makes them happy then he’s cool. As long as it isn’t hurting them.

      a. Tattoos? Honestly, he admires people who can sit through that. He doesn’t think he could, but he could. But hmm would he get one? Probably not.

      b. Dyed hair? You do you.

      c. Revealing clothing? As long as they’re happy with their body, he doesn’t care or glance twice.

  5. How does this character feel about animals?

He loves animals and they love him. Animals don’t bullshit around and don’t make him feel awkward because they’re genuine for the most part. They can also tell that he has a good soul and is kind. Not to mention he isn’t loud and he doesn’t coo at them like a lot of people. Kind of a mutual understanding thing going on there.

      a. Would they want any pets?

UHM YES. Let’s be honest he’s getting the fire station a dalmatian. Or 20. A L S O OMG, wow just had a very cute thought, he wants to be a beekeeper! He’s VERY adamant about the bees ever since he watched a documentary on them. It opened his eyes to all the fat fuzzy things hanging around his flowers. I’m imagining him being timid to go get them, scared he’ll kill them, but at the same time knowing they’ll be good for the flowers and the environment. Will probably never come to fruition because idk how this is gunna go into the rp but I can always headcanon he got them when he retired or something. They aren’t animals, but YOU KNOW WHAT he would love his little bees until the end.

      b. What animals are their favorite?

Whales. They’re relatable because they’re so big and yet they’re gentle and beautiful. Okay, maybe he doesn’t think he’s beautiful but whatever. They’re also super fierce when they need to be. He has newsletters about whales in his email. When he was in uni and had a small job at the library he spent a few of his pay checks donating to saving whales. He still does from time to time when it doesn’t go towards the rest of the environment.

  6. What type of movie is this character most interested in watching?

Feel good movies. Also romantic movies. He likes being a pile of goop at the end. He cannot do scary movies or super sad movies. The Shawshank Redemption is a good one for him because Andy was wrongfully accused and made the best of his situation. Also Morgan Freeman is bomb. And then he loves You’ve Got Mail and Pride and Prejudice. Hmm, Back to the Future and Ghostbusters, things like that. Nice lovely movies that end with the main character's happy. Worships Julie Andrews.

  7. If this character could master a skill instantly, which would they choose?

Social skills lmao.

  8. Are there any behaviors that other characters do that irk this character?

Littering! Hurting themselves! Being rude! Blatant disrespect for the Earth! How dare!

      a. Does the character ever voice their annoyance?

Only if it’s about defending something/someone that can’t defend itself. Like if some hoe just threw a piece of trash in the air for the wind to take he would snatch it and say, “I think you dropped this.” And then run for the hills.

  9. Would this character rather create something or destroy something?

Create. Or rather, help to create. He isn’t completely artistically inclined, so just to help things grow or make food from ingredients is his place.

  10. What kind of comedy does this character prefer? Toilet humor, vulgar, slapstick, morbid, etc.

Oddball. Physical humor gives him anxiety to watch, but hearing a good joke of words and set up make him laugh. Also I feel like really stupid jokes would make him laugh. Like all the ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?” ones. Why is a chicken crossing the road? That’s?? Funny in itself. At least to him. Also all the flower jokes.

  11. If they could stay at one age forever, which age would they choose and why?

Probably mid 50’s. Still able to move with some sort of ease, but too old to work in his field…...as a…...fireman…., so he can just be someone’s gardener and live in a little home in their backyard. Or like, above their garage. Just a small little job that would make someone happy? Omg, even better, he can be a booth at the local farmers market!! OR be helping the mother effing whales. Wow, yeah, he would love to retire and just do something for the environment. Also no one bothers you all that much when you’re an old man, so that would be, ideal.

  12. If the character could only wear clothing of one color, which would they choose?

Gray maybe? Keep it neutral. There are….several shades of it after all.  

  13. Describe the character's favorite possession. Where did they get it, and why are they so attached?

When he was recovering in the hospital his sisters got him a cactus. It’s alive and well and on his bedroom window sill in Swynlake now. He loves it because his sister’s got it for him and it was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. It’s stayed with him for years and years and saw him through that rough patch in his life. But he would never say that. He would say he loves all his plants equally. He just loves that one the best because his sisters were kind enough to think not to get him something that would die next to him in the room like everyone else with their flower arrangements.

  14. What is the character's favorite weather?

Rain. Not thunderstorms, because, yeah, he and thunder aren’t friends whatsoever, just a hard rain that comes and goes. One that makes the weather cool down and the plants perk back up. It gives him the opportunity to go outside and not have to sweat gallons and see to the plants while they’re happy. He also likes the smell of the dirt and the flowers when they’re wet. It’s nice and Earthy and just fills him with contentedness he can’t get anywhere else.

  15. Do they prefer sweet, salty, sour, meaty, spicy, or neutral tastes?

I think he really likes spicy food and has built up an immune system to it so it isn’t as painful as it once was. Just a nice burn on his tongue. But he also likes soft and sweet, hence his love for baked goods. And smoothies are usually sweet, too.

  16. Would they rather sleep in a cold room or a warm one?

Cold! He dies in hot rooms because he has to have a sheet or blanket out of comfort covering him in the night. But in a hot room his body temperature just makes it too bleeh to get comfortable. If he’s in a cold room that means he can snuggle into that one layer and be just the right temperature.

  17. Are there any hobbies this character absolutely hates and would never want to do?

Hunting? OoOOO ACTING/PUBLIC SPEAKING that would be the worst thing in the world to him. Having to get in front of a bunch of people and speak? No way.

  18. What's the easiest way to annoy this character?

Talk shit about the Earth, get hit. Being stupid with fire.

  19. Are their interests and likes socially appropriate?

Yeah. I mean? Maybe people don’t associate 30 year old men being out in the garden crying over how beautiful his peppers are turning out, but he isn’t doing anything super weird or gross. Also cooking is like a fad now. Thank you foodnetwork. (Lowkey he worships Alton Brown, too.)

OTHER

  1. What is the character's first memory?

His sisters playing with him in the living area. They were just messing around with some blocks and stuffed animals, building houses for them and giving them lives in this little neighborhood they had come up with. His mom was making dinner but they were all to caught up in their game to pay attention to when they were supposed to go wash their hands or sit at the table. It’s simple and small but it’s the oldest thing he can remember.

  2. Has the character ever experienced deja vu? Do you happen to know why?

Mmm, no. Tis a good question, but no he hasn’t.

  3. Sensations are powerful things, and often certain scents, sounds, touches, etc. can invoke memories strongly associated with them. Which have imprinted in your character's mind?

Loud noises always bring back when kids would yell at him or when the guys who ganged up on him were laughing at him as he asked them to please, stop. Also the smell of alcohol or weed will always be associated with Nathan and that night with Jules. Then of course fire and smoke just pulls up work.

  4. How'd they get along with their parents and/or other relatives?

Really well. He’s such a mama’s boy. Since his dad had died before he got to know him all he had for a parent was his mom and that didn’t hinder him in the slightest. He loves her so much and is so thankful to have had such a wonderful human being to raise him. Reese also gets on very well with his sisters. They’re all really close, even if they aren’t in years. Both of them are married and with kids. Olivia, the eldest, has a wife who adores Reese, and a son who loves his cool uncle who fights fires. And Atty, the middle, has a nice husband who Reese was very cautious of at first, but grew to like. Her two kids, older boy and younger girl, love Reese too.

His mom’s parents loved him and he loved them. He was connected to his grandmother the most since his grandfather died when he was 9. And his mom’s sister spoiled him to end because she never had kids and always wanted a little boy.

  5. What's the worst injury they've ever gotten?

Getting stabbed! Woo!

  6. How many places has this character lived in?

Four. His home town, his university town, town he trained to become a fireman, and now Swynlake.

  7. If the character could erase one memory from their mind, what would it be?

Uhm, probably that night he got jumped. Erase all that fear and pain and just utter helplessness and it would have given him back plenty of sleepless nights. Or all those times he had walked across campus alone, even in the day time, after he came back and not feeling so terrified.

  8. What was the character's economic situation?

Comfortable. He isn’t rich but he isn’t struggling. Probably?? Higher middle class since he’s got an established job with benefits and all that jazz. Not to mention he isn’t a big spender on anything at all. He’s doing fine.

  9. Describe the character's love life throughout the years.

WOW OKAY. So hmmm…...non existent. Legit. It’s hard to imagine him in any romantic relationship. Haaaaa. Because he doesn’t talk to people? outside his family. He’s never been good at talking to people, so there’s no way he ever approached anyone he thought was attractive. And if anyone were to come to him they would either get bored of him or deem him too much work. Also he’s too awkward for any sexual encounters outside of someone he would fully trust himself with which I’m not so sure anyone would so far in his life? Otherwise he would kind of be out of his shell a little bit, having had someone evoke that from him already. Yeeaah, if he had any kind of relationship like that it would have been with someone close and they would have pushed him to be a little more outspoken. But he’s still a recluse who has never felt that connection. But then on the flip side if he was in a relationship with someone who made his conditions worse I think he would have totally written off human interactions forever, even though he is an optimist who sees the best in people, but he would just make sure no one ever got near him again, because no DOUBT he would blame the ending of the relationship on himself.

WHAT A REVELATION. He’s Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed. I’m dealing with a 30 year old virgin here oh dear. I’m terrible to my characters.

  10. How did the family that raised this character influence them?

While they meant well, they always spoke for him, answering questions for him and all that. But it hindered him in being able to speak for himself. But his mother raised him right, to be polite, and his sisters were very protective of their younger brother, they’re also his best friends in life as he is to them.

  11. If this character could "unmeet" someone in their life, who would they choose?

NATHAN PETERSON. *timmy turner’s dad dinklebuuurg.*

[adventureswithten]

Ok. So the reader is depressed and just took a bunch of pills to kill herself and ten gets a message on his psychic paper (the strongest one he's ever gotten) and shows up in reader's apartment. He saves her. He falls in love with her.

At first, I didn't want to write this. As someone who personally suffers from Major Depressive Disorder this hit home. (Not to worry I take a medication I love!). But then I had an interesting idea of how I might could turn this thing on it's head a bit. So please let me know what you think! Working at the hospital, you always knew there would be bad days. Days where patients died, children came in hurt, diseases won against your best efforts. Somehow today had been far worst than all of that. When a patient was lost to a heart attack and you found out they were an organ donor, you became obsessed with getting those organs to the ones that needed them most in the critical care ward. A mother of four that needed a liver, a little boy that needed a lung, the young teenage girl needed a kidney. It had all seemed to line up perfectly. But in your rush to get the transplants done, you'd not run a test for Malaria and had missed the travel notes on the donor's chart. One by one tonight the bodies rejected the transplants and people died. And no amount of resuscitation or electric shocks brought any of them back. You'd killed four patients in a single day and you felt hopeless, defeated and like your life was invalid. As you unlocked your flat you felt the bottle of pills on your pocket, something you'd picked up on your way out to ease the pain of all the blood now on your hands. In the bathroom you looked in the mirror and felt worst. You were a frazzled mess, your scrubs wrinkled and your eyes wide and red. With water from the faucet you took one pill, then two. And then it occurred to you a way to atone for what you'd done. By the time you were halfway through the bottle you fell asleep and hit your head on the tile floor with a loud smack. The TARDIS jerked and theDoctor felt the psychic paper in his pocket getting hotter and hotter. At the point he felt it might char through the pocket of his suit he took it out and noticed the strength, the desperation of the signal. Someone out there needed help, badly. It was a human and if he didn't get there fast enough it would be too late. It was a good thing he was a Time Lord. He bolted from the TARDIS doors in a darkened apartment searching for any signs of life. There were none but the faint sound of running water. The Doctor found a fluorescent light in a doorway and pressed it open to find a girl lying on the floor, red blood on the tiled floor. It ached in his two hearts instantly, and a he knelt down to see if she was still breathing he found the bottle of pills in her hand. Instantly furious he snatched the half empty bottle and threw it away. He found her alive and knew the next part was not going to be fun for either of them. He tugged her limp form over the toilet bowl and eased open her mouth. Hoping she wasn't a biter he shoved his fingers down her throats until she began to gag and toss the pills back into the water of the Lou. You were sure you were dead, everything felt so easy and calm. You were peaceful and still, floating on water. And the cries of the loved ones of your lost patients was silenced. Time didn't matter, and you were weightless and calm. Then, you were barfing and pretty sure that toilet that smelled like lilac Lysol was yours. Foggy and tired you let the dry heaving wrack your bones until you just didn't have anything else in you. That's when, through watery eyes you saw someone was holding you, someone you'd never met before. You were just about to ask who it was and why they were here when the cloudiness took over again and you fell limply against the cold porcelain. The Doctor lifted you with ease in his arms and took you inside of the TARDIS. Once in the infirmary he took to re distributing fluids into your system. As he took a cloth and began running it over your pale and beautiful face he felt his anger subsiding. There was never a good excuse for suicide, but he also wondered what could have driven someone like you to such lengths. You were pretty, seemed relatively smart, if the scrubs indicating work in the medical field. Perhaps he could encourage you to explain, so he could help with whatever had driven you so deeply into a dark and nearly unreachable place. You woke up to the place above your right eye feeling puffy and achy, and your middle felt like you'd done a million sit ups. This was far worst than any hangover, worst than any food poisoning. With a groan you opened your eyes and found the person you'd thought was in he bathroom with you sitting by your bed. He was gorgeous but his facial expression was one of utter despair. Gingerly you sat up and felt all those bad feeling slamming back into you. You had no idea why, but suddenly you felt really guilty for trying to take your own life. "I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm the Doctor." He said, placing his thumb in between his teeth, ancient brown eyes wondering over you. "I'm _________." You answered softly. In an instant he pulled his chair closer and rested his forearms on the bed, long fingered hands cupping one of yours. He rubbed tiny circles on the top of it before he looked into your eyes again, so sadly. "What happened?" He asked, and with the way his eyes looked you felt like you could tell him everything, like he would understand and console you and make it all better. You sobbed as you did spilling the beans about everything you'd done, all of your mistakes and every bad thing that led you to think your death was the only justice. He listened carefully, as you'd known he would, his face remaining soft and sympathetic, his eyes comforting and holding yours tenderly in his gaze. "I wasn't always this person." You said. "I used to be happy and funny. I used to care so much about helping people. Now it's all about getting ahead in my work. I lost sight of me, the person not only I loved, but that everyone loved. I know what you must think of me. Poor little girl, suicide for attention. I'm not that person at all. I wasn't always." You continued, crying. He then looked at you by lowering both of his brows and appearing slightly irked and concerned, "I wasn't think that at all, actually. I was thinking about how sad I am for you. How much this reminds me of things I've done, choices I've made." He answered, catching you by surprise. "Can I show you something?" He asked. Carefully you nodded and with his hands bracing your arms he eased you to your feet from the bed. For a moment, he stared at your face a long time, and you at his. You noticed the freckles dotting his cheeks and all the universes stories in those eyes like chocolate. It made a piece of you feel whole for a moment. With a long arm around your shoulder he led you to a large room with an odd control cylinder in the center with different switches and strange mechanics. Then he opened a set of double doors and you stepped back at the view before you. You were in space, that much was clear by the endless inky black that seemed to never end, dusted with stars and a number of things you couldn't name. With ease the Doctor sat with his feet dangling off the edge, as if falling were no fear. "Oxygen invisible extension." He answered and patted the floor next to him. You sat and watched as colors of orange and pink, purple and blues all burst out like fireworks from a difficult to view enter. "It's a star isn't it? It's dying?" You asked quietly."It is." He answered. "The amazing, really fantastic thing about these nebulas is that when they die, the explode and shoot seeds all over the universe, like it's planting. And from them new stars are born. Hundreds sometimes thousands creating the artwork for this vast and complicated universe." He said, speaking quickly and smiling excitedly. "This is the only death I find acceptable. When it's time is up." He said, turning those fierce brown eye to yours. You nodded, understanding what he meant."I've done something like you. But it was before I was the Doctor. It's the reason I'm the last of the Time Lords." And in careful detail he explained what he called The Last Time War. Telling you how he whipped out his entire race and explaining the guilt and despair he felt. The loneliness and the scars of carved into his being."So you see. We're alike. You and I. Except your human and I'm a Time Lord. I made a terrible choice that day and it's a burden I've.m carried with me nearly nine hundred years." He answered. "But how do you cope?" You asked sadly, tears running down your cheeks all the while. He looked at you and took your hands in his."I save people, aliens, the life forms. I chose to go on and become the Doctor. The one who never chooses to kill, never goes to war. I don't do it for me though, I do it for the helpless, the hopeless out there that need me. I always will." He answered. "Could income with you? Can I help?" You asked. Finally he smiled and pulled you under his arm, hugging you tight and feeling happy just to know you were still breathing. Softly he kissed your hair and felt the deep longing and ache of instant love and affection. With one swift motion he popped to his converse clad feet and held his hand out to you in invitation. You took it and when he lifted you back to standing he said, "____________, Allons-y!".

[kansascityhappenings]

‘Mommy can’t do this for much longer’: Waiting for a liver transplant, she prepares her family for the worst

CLEVELAND — Erika Zak and her family moved across the country more than a year ago to be near the Cleveland Clinic. They wanted to be ready at a moment’s notice for a liver transplant that could save her life.

She and her husband, Scott Powers, thought the move would last three months, maybe five. That she would get a new liver and begin the slow process of recovery. Instead, she’s been mired in the bureaucratic process of who gets an organ and who dies.

“We’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting,” says Erika, 39. “I’m losing hope that I will ever get a liver.”

She vomits blood. Her skin peels off. Her legs, hips and feet swell to the point it feels “like I’m carrying an extra person on me.”

Five years ago, after her initial cancer diagnosis, she wrote to her newborn daughter, Loie, that she hoped to be around “to tell you this story has a happy ending.” She survived cancer, but surgery to remove two tumors went terribly wrong and severely damaged her liver. The conversations with her daughter have grown more sobering.

“Mommy can’t do this for much longer,” she tells Loie. “There’s a chance we might go home soon to Portland.”

“But that means you won’t get a liver,” Loie responds.

“I know that,” Erika says.

“That means you’re going to die,” her 5-year-old girl says.

“That’s right. That is what will happen.”

A social media outcry

CNN first reported on Erika’s case on Mother’s Day in 2018. Her saga then was a battle with UnitedHealthcare after the insurance giant denied her coverage for a transplant. Desperate, the young mother penned a plea directly to the CEO of UnitedHealth Group, David Wichmann.

She blasted what she called the “shockingly incompetent manner” in which the nation’s largest insurer handled her case, describing a a series of errors made in the review process. “Given that my life hangs in the balance based on this review,” she wrote, “it is unconscionable it has not been undertaken with the level of competence and professionalism anyone would expect of UHC.”

The insurance giant did ultimately approve her coverage — a decision that came shortly after the family informed the insurer they had turned to the media to get her story out.

A social media outcry ensued with people far and wide lending Erika their support, dumping on insurers and creating the hashtag #ErikaZak. Some went so far as to offer their own livers, although she needs a liver from a deceased donor. A family in Cleveland opened their home rent-free.

Erika, Scott and Loie picked up their belongings in Portland, Oregon, and transported their lives.

The long wait for a liver

More than 13,500 Americans were on the wait list for livers in 2018. A total of 8,250 received liver transplants last year, including 7,849 transplants from deceased donors, according to the United Network for Organ Sharing, or UNOS, the nonprofit group that manages the nation’s organ transplant system.

Another 5,121 people have undergone liver transplants so far this year, according to UNOS statistics. The sad reality, the organization says, there are more people in need of organs than donors. In 2018, 1,170 people died while waiting for livers, UNOS said.

“Our hearts break for Erika and her family and the many others like her who continue to wait for a transplant,” UNOS said in a written statement to CNN.

Most frustrating for Erika, her “MELD” score — the ranking that is used to prioritize who gets an organ — reached a high of 30, the average score at which most people undergo a transplant. But a national policy change knocked her score back to 23, almost exactly where she was more than a year ago. Her doctors have continued to appeal for “exception” points to reflect Erika’s urgency and raise her MELD score.

“We just wish her doctors’ opinions in a situation like this would be most important,” her husband says.

In its statement to CNN, UNOS said the policy change “was meant to make the exception scoring process more fair across the United States and help as many people as possible while making the system more equitable.”

“We are acutely aware that this can feel otherwise when a patient or a loved one is on the waitlist and their program’s request for a specific score is declined,” UNOS said. “Our goal is to make the system equitable and save as many lives as possible by getting the right organ to the right person at the right time. We strive every day to reduce the number of the people who die waiting for an organ despite the fact that the need for them far exceeds the available supply.”

UNOS then made a direct appeal for people to sign up to become organ donors at registerme.org, saying, “This single act of generosity can help Erika, others on the waitlist, and those who will be on the waitlist at some future date.”

On Twitter, Erika ripped UNOS for not fixing its “unintentional flaws in new policy” and for using “low organ donation rates as scapegoat for my critical situation (& others).”

Dr. Andrew Cameron, the chief of transplant surgery at Johns Hopkins and the surgical director of its liver transplant program, is not part of Erika’s team and not affiliated with UNOS. But he has followed Erika’s ordeal.

He says her story is heartbreaking and unfortunately “far too common in the United States.”

“Her situation pulls at our heart strings,” he says. “But I am still pulling for her lottery ticket to come through.”

“I am hopeful that she’ll get a transplant in time. I am very sympathetic with how hard it is to wait,” he says. “Living your life in liver failure is a terrible proposition and the uncertainty of not knowing when a transplant will come can make it almost impossible for a patient and their family.”

Erika says her fight is bigger than herself. She hopes her story raises awareness of the need for more organ donors and the “insane” process for those who wait.

“I’m just angry,” she says. “Sometimes I don’t know if it’s an imbalance in my brain or me being completely fed up with the whole situation.”

“I’m angry my MELD score was lowered. I’m angry that my independence is completely gone.”

Saving Erika

For her loved ones, the red tape has added to the pain of seeing her suffer. Her twin sister, Jenna Zak, posted a photograph on Instagram of Erika sprawled on a hospital bed, tubes and IVs hooked up to her seemingly everywhere.

“This is the photo I took of my sister after she almost bled to death due to her liver failure,” Jenna wrote Wednesday, tagging UNOS public relations in the post. “Do you take this into account when you deny her points? Do you factor in she coughs up cups of blood because her liver is failing?”

Jenna has begun tagging anyone with UNOS she can find on social media — a scorched Earth strategy to fight for her sister to the very end. “Their policy change, they were trying to do the right thing. But they didn’t consider people like my sister,” she says. “We don’t think they’re bad people, but they’re not doing the right thing here. They’re not saving my sister.”

“I don’t want her to be in pain anymore,” she adds. “The only way that can happen is if she dies or if she gets this transplant.”

As a twin, Jenna’s emotions are a complex feeling of helplessness and guilt mixed with determination to save Erika. Over the last five years, as Erika fought for her life, Jenna got married, had a child and succeeded at work. “There’s guilt involved in that,” she says. “A lot of times I don’t know what to do or what to say to Erika. I wish I could take the pain away, but I can’t.”

She wonders: “Why has she had all these health issues and not me?”

She plans to help Scott raise Loie as best she can, though she would prefer her sister get the transplant and flourish. “It’s just not fair,” she says. “I’ve literally never seen somebody fight so hard to live.”

In Cleveland, Erika offers this wisdom for people in good health: When she closes her eyes and daydreams, she thinks, “God I wish I never took a moment for granted. I wish I had done all the things I was always scared to do.”

“You can’t understand real suffering — even if you’re witnessing it — unless you’re going through it,” she says. “You can describe it to your friends and family. They can watch it, but they obviously don’t know what’s happening to your morale, your body and everything else.”

“True suffering,” she says, “it’s next level.”

On her life’s bucket list is one thing: To travel to a remote spot with Loie and Scott, a place with a waterfall and blue lagoon. “I just want her to experience with me and Scott someplace beautiful without worry,” she says.

Of course, just being healthy and playing with her girl will do, too. Oh, how she longs to push Loie on a swing. To watch her walk down the aisle. To see her grow up.

“There’s not much more for me to do, except wait, which I can’t do much longer,” Erika says. “I don’t want to immediately go back to Portland, but I am prepared very soon to go back.”

She’s begun having those tough conversations with her girl should the transplant never come. Erika believes she needs to be as honest as possible. “You guys are going to be OK without me,” she tells her. “I want Daddy to find somebody else who will love him and you.”

“Her heart breaks and she cries,” Erika says.

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/08/17/aides-got-trump-to-delay-tariffs-by-telling-president-it-could-ruin-christmas/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/08/18/mommy-cant-do-this-for-much-longer-waiting-for-a-liver-transplant-she-prepares-her-family-for-the-worst/

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Can you swim in contact lenses? Doctors warn about infection

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Can you swim in contact lenses? Doctors warn about infection

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The subsequent time you are tempted to go swimming or consider a shower though donning make contact with lenses, Stacey Peoples needs you to bear in mind her ordeal.

The veteran educator in suburban Denver, Colorado, went blind in one particular eye and endured ache so excruciating that she considered killing herself soon after she was exposed to a parasite when swimming in her contacts.

The an infection from the microscopic organism, named Acanthamoeba, is uncommon, but any type of h2o exposure when you’re wearing comfortable make contact with lenses places you at chance, doctors say.

“People want to say, ‘Not me, it will not take place to me.’ But I’m in this article to tell you, it can happen to you,” Peoples, 49, told Today.

“Our warning is: Speak to lenses and drinking water really don’t mix,” said Dr. Thomas Steinemann, a scientific spokesman for the American Academy of Ophthalmology.

That involves tap drinking water and chlorinated pool drinking water, which could possibly be treated and secure to drink or swim in, but which is nevertheless not sterile, Steinemann noted.

Peoples’ cornea turned cloudy as the infection progressed.Courtesy Stacey Peoples

Like a lot of contact lens wearers, Peoples was not knowledgeable of the hazard. She’d been donning contacts for around 20 yrs and wore her day by day disposable pair when she went swimming with her son about Memorial Working day weekend in 2014.

The complications commenced about a 7 days later on. When her left eye became itchy, purple and painful, her physician informed her it was pink eye. But issues just retained finding worse and the analysis saved altering: Peoples was informed at various details she was allergic to antibiotic drops, experienced a scratch on her cornea and had herpes in the eye.

In July, she missing eyesight in her eye. A cornea specialist lastly identified her with Acanthamoeba keratitis, a really serious infection of the cornea triggered by the parasite.

By that level, the agony had turn out to be excruciating, Peoples explained.

“It felt like someone was snapping a rubber band in the entrance of my eye each handful of seconds, but then at the similar time, the back again of the eye felt like … it was likely to explode by means of the back of my head,” she recalled. “The facet of my encounter felt like a continuous migraine.”

Exquisitely sensitive to mild, Peoples had to continue to be in a dark space in which she could not study or look at Television. She couldn’t get the job done or travel. Her minimal place arrived when she commenced investing time curled up in a fetal place.

“I was suicidal for a couple of days. If I experienced not experienced spouse and children and amazing help, I’m not sure what would have happened,” she explained.

Why get in touch with lens wearers are at danger

Soft make contact with lenses can act like a sponge, so they absorb drinking water, which include widespread impurities in the water such as Acanthamoeba, Steinemann said. When the organisms soar onto the get hold of lens, it gets their portal of entry into the portion of the eye the speak to lens matches on — the cornea.

In the U.S., the overpowering the greater part of persons who get the an infection — 85 percent — are make contact with lens wearers, according to the Centers for Sickness Command and Prevention. It’s so unusual that it really is approximated there are only a number of conditions of the infection per million get hold of lens buyers.

Most most likely never know that what they’re accomplishing is risky, Steinemann pointed out.

Peoples’ expertise of staying misdiagnosed was not uncommon, he noted. An eye exam just won’t expose considerably at initial.

“Many occasions, we are fooled by this organism. It’s a really crafty, if you will, organism. It’s pretty hardy and it is extremely tough to diagnose early on,” Steinemann said.

The essential symptom is pain out of proportion to the conclusions of the test. Once the parasite enters the eye, it can burrow further and further, producing the cornea — which is generally crystal apparent — cloudy and the infection far more tricky to take care of. Folks can go blind or even lose an eye.

The cornea is designed out of collagen and has no blood provide, so physicians simply cannot give the affected individual antibiotics, Steinemann explained. The cure involves distinctive drops that will have to be used numerous occasions a day for months.

Peoples named them “acid drops” mainly because they have been practically as terrible as the eye suffering, she stated. She experienced to use the drops for almost 15 months to make guaranteed the parasite, which can dwell in a dormant condition, was fully gone. In early 2015, she became a prospect for a cornea transplant.

When the medical doctor lifted the bandage, she cried. “It was a legitimate miracle. I could see,” she recalled.

Nowadays, Peoples has typical vision with glasses and won’t go close to contacts. Her tale lately started getting consideration just after her faculty profiled her ordeal on its web site previous month.

She has two main messages to others: Really do not permit water contact your contacts — it only requires one particular drop to get contaminated, she claimed. And consider signing up to be a cornea donor.

“(The transplant) gave me my everyday living back again,” Peoples mentioned.

If you dress in contacts:

Remember these safety measures, Steinemann explained:

Do not shower in your lenses or swim in them, whether in a pool, very hot tub, river or sea.

If you do swim in them, acquire your contacts out and disinfect them when you get out of the drinking water.

If you wear single-use lenses, throw them away when you get out of the drinking water.

“The possibility is not substantial — Acanthamoeba is not widespread, but if you get it, you are out of luck simply because it’s extremely tricky to diagnose and handle,” Steinemann explained.

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